#it's also supposed to feel almost suffocating or overwhelming

[narryffdreaming]

A TOAST TO THE FUTURE — FOUR (I)

Summary: Aurora and Harry used to be friends, but life happened and they grew apart. Now, 6 years later, they meet again.

Rating: +18

WARNINGS: The story contains explicit language and mentions a past abusive relationship (mostly the consequences of psychological/emotional abuse). Some chapters also contain explicit sexual content.

PART FOUR: 21,8k words (I) - 11,2k words (II) - 9,8k words

PART ONE || PART TWO || PART THREE

"Oh my God! Guys!" Lucy yells from the top of the yacht. "They're here!" 

"What?!"

"Oh my God!"

"Finally!" 

Their friends cheer and whistle at their arrival, and Aurora can't get rid of the smile on her face as half of the group screams her name at the same time the other half screams Harry's. There's music playing, each one of them holds some kind of drink, and the whole thing seems like a very intimate, messy, and fun summer party. 

"Just jump in and wait for me, okay?!" Lucy adds, already stepping out of sight. "I'm coming!"

"Okay…" Aurora murmurs and chuckles, although it's mostly out of nervousness, since Lucy obviously can't hear her. 

And, to be honest, she is too hypnotized to react in any other way. She has barely recovered from Harry's interaction, and now this gigantic, massive yacht in front of her isn't actually making things any less overwhelming. 

"Auri?" Harry calls.

She blinks and looks at him, then at his waiting hand. He's already inside the yacht, carrying their bags while he stretches out his arm to offer his help. 

Reality barely sinks in, but she shakes her head and walks forward, anyway. 

"Right, sorry."

She holds his palm and takes a leap, squeezing him as her feet touch the lowest deck of the yacht and her legs tremble onto the new ground.

And just like that, she goes back to staring at what will practically be her house — their house — for the next two days.

She counts three floors, and whilst she still can't see the ones from above, the one they just jumped into is enough to speak for the entire yacht. There is a pool with an infinity edge right by her feet, and on each side of it two steps that lead into a huge outdoor lounge area. Between a couple of sun loungers there's a massive white couch, and behind said couch more steps, leading to the insides of the yacht. 

"Fuck me," she murmurs, then bites her lip and shakes her head. She admires some more and, after a moment, she adds, "I need someone to pinch me right now." 

Next to her, Harry snorts, and Aurora turns her head to face him. 

He's already watching her, attentively and keenly. His stare never hesitating, never faltering. 

"It's not a dream," he murmurs back. "Trust me, I've been pinching myself for hours now." 

There's definitely something about the way he looks at her. Something that causes a little bit of everything to run through her body. 

It is good. Kind of exciting. But also overwhelming, and certainly unexpected. It makes her stomach flutter, but it also squeezes her chest. Almost as if suffocating her. 

So Aurora looks down, and tries to make sense of her thoughts. 

Although only then she notices she's still holding his hand, just like Harry's still holding hers. And then the feeling inside her only grows. The rush, the tingling, the trembling. The burning, the pounding, and the quivering. And she doesn't know what to do about it. She doesn't know how to make it stop. And she most certainly doesn't know what it means. 

Is she even supposed to do something about it? Is it even supposed to mean anything? Does she really need to make it stop? 

"Roryyy!" 

Aurora jolts, and she drops Harry's hand. 

"Hii!" 

Lucy's high-pitched voice echoes from her ear to her brain just as a body crashes against hers, two arms circling her neck. Aurora stumbles and laughs, and Harry's hand quickly lands on her lower back, keeping her in place. She glances at him over her friend's shoulder, finding him by their side with a genuine smile and affectionate gaze. 

"Hi, Lu…" She smiles, straight into his eyes.

"You're here!" Lucy says, pulling back and putting her hands on Aurora's shoulders. Forcing Aurora to look at her and finally getting full attention. Lucy's grin is contagious and sincere, and happiness seems to exhale through every cell of her skin. "I was panicking when Niall said your flight got delayed, but now you're here. You're actually here."

Aurora chuckles, grateful for such a heartfelt reaction, but also aware of the turmoil that's still happening inside her. "I am, yes. Well… We are."

She glances at Harry, and Lucy widens her eyes. 

"Oh my God, yes! Harry!" She turns to him, and a soft giggle falls through her lips. "Hiii! I'm sorry, I just got too excited seeing Rory." 

Harry laughs and embraces Lucy into a hug, holding the bags in place with one hand while circling her shoulders with the other. "It's okay. I know the feeling." 

The short interaction plus the hot weather are enough to burst Aurora's body into flames. She feels the sweat in the back of her neck, but mostly the warmth spreading through her cheeks, so she tilts her chin up and searches for their friends, desperate to find a distraction. 

Thankfully, Niall and Theo are leaning over the glass railing. Despite being up high and distant, their smiles are easy to see. Just like the sunglasses on their faces and the bottles in their hands. 

"Moonshine!" Niall shouts, waving towards himself. "Get your arse up here, c'mon!"

Aurora smiles. She raises her arm to wave at them, then uses her hand to block the sun from her eyes. "Hey guys! You look fancy up there." 

"I know!" Niall laughs. "And we'd look even fancier if we left the port, so c'mon!" 

Before she can come up with something to say, Lucy comes to a stop next to her, sighing before murmuring, "Oh my God he's insufferable." 

They both chuckle, and then Lucy places one hand by her mouth and shouts, "My engagement, my rules, Horan! So no leaving the port 'till I say so!" 

Niall gives her a thumbs up, then leans to say something to Theo — which none of them can hear, of course. Aurora shakes her head and lowers her eyes, glancing at Harry one more time. 

Unlike Lucy and Aurora, he isn't watching the boys, too focused on the view around them instead. With his head tilted up, he unintentionally gives her access to see his perfect jawline, the facial hair under his chin, and the way his muscles tense when he gulps down. A stunning sight, if one would ask her.

"Okay, so…" Lucy sighs and steps forward, and both Harry and Aurora look at her. She turns to them, she grinning from ear to ear and placing her hands on her hips. "Are you guys hungry? Did you get to eat something?"

"Oh my God, no," Aurora breathes out. "Please. I'm starving." 

"Good, 'cause so are we." Lucy giggles. "Is it okay if we grab something to eat before I show you around, then?"

"Of course." Harry nods.

"Yay!" She claps and twirls on her feet, leading the way as her hair moves along with the wind and her one shoulder floral dress. "To be honest, I really wanted to wait for you guys and do a tour for everyone at the same time, but, y'know, I couldn't hold myself… So we already did that… But we have plenty of time so it's okay… Also, apparently there are fancy names for every place, but I can't be bothered with any of that, so I'm in charge of the informal tour. If you want, Theo can take over and tell you a kitchen it's actually called a galley, or gallery, or whatever…"

Aurora blinks, processing her friends' rambling, and Harry chuckles. 

"You look really happy, Lu," he points out, beaming at their friend as they go up the steps. "More than usual, I mean."

"You think?" Lucy asks, looking over her shoulder and flickering her eyes between them two. 

Aurora smiles, and nods.

Harry's right. She's noticed that about Lucy, too. She can see the way her friend smiles, the way her eyes shine and her entire body trembles with joy. 

It isn't something rare to see, because Lucy has always naturally been a very bubbly, cheerful and energetic person. Always the mother of the group, and at the same time the little sister they all want to protect. Her movements always carried a sense of tenderness, of home and family, and at the same time her personality always exhaled sunshine, expensive champagne, and tight-dresses with high-heels. 

So, yes, Lucy's always been exactly like that. 

And yet, there's something different about her this time. 

If Aurora had to guess, she'd probably say it has something to do with the fact that she's about to spend the entire weekend with her friends, celebrating her own engagement to the love of her life.

"Thank you," Lucy says. "I think this is the happiest I've ever been, yeah."

Aurora follows them around the couch and up the steps, trying to remember if her own engagement ever made her feel this happy. Or if getting married to Zack ever made her shine like Lucy's shining right now. 

Did loving Zack ever made her feel the happiest she's ever been? 

And did Zack's love for her ever made her feel the happiest she could ever be?

She shakes her head, slightly fearing the answers to those questions. 

Besides, it doesn't matter, anyway. Not anymore. 

Lucy takes them through what she says it's the main living room, where Harry drops their bags on another fancy, white couch, and then through a dining room. All the furniture they walk past looks expensive and extravagant, yet minimalistic and simple at the same time. Once they get through a hallway, Lucy points to a staircase to her side and explains that all bedrooms are downstairs, except for hers and Theo's — of course, since they're taking the biggest suite. Then she points to the bathroom right across from the stairs, and finally takes them through a glass door that leads to the side of the boat. 

That's when Harry steps aside, raising one arm and encouraging Aurora to go first. She smiles and thanks him, following Lucy through the first flight of stairs, and through the second one. Watching and listening as her friend looks over her shoulder every two steps just to chat and giggle about the multiple areas of the yacht and how they could all hide from each other in different rooms if they wanted to. Or how they don't need to worry about anything the entire weekend because there's a crew ready to make them food and drinks, and also to help them with whatever they need.

Once they reach the highest part of the yacht, Lucy steps aside and demands everyone's attention, then everyone just focuses on them. 

Aurora's still overwhelmed by all the information, but Theo is already there, by the last step, ready to greet her and looking just as excited as Lucy. He pulls her into a hug and thanks her presence, then asks about the flight, and about Noah. She smiles and answers all of his questions, albeit shortly, and then he hugs her again and steps aside, quickly moving on. He turns to Harry, then, excessively shouting about how long it's been since they last saw each other and what the fuck happened to your head.

She laughs, because she figures it's the same kind of excitement she feels with the girls, and then she walks forward, finding Maddie and Ava next to a jacuzzi. 

"Oh my God?" she whispers, widening her eyes at Maddie and pointing to the bubbling water.

"I know!" Maddie mouths, chuckling and opening her arms to welcome her. "Welcome to heaven!" 

Aurora laughs, and hugs her. "I don't think I'll get used to this place."

"Me neither. I'm so happy you're here tho!"

Maddie squeezes her, and then they spend at least five minutes like that, just hugging and squealing about being together again. Which, considering she was at Aurora's place just days ago, quickly turns into jokes about how dramatic they are and oh my God get away from me now.

Next, her embrace with Ava also lasts another five minutes. However, they truly haven't been in the same room for a long time now, so it's also filled with remarks about how good it is to meet again and how excited they are for that weekend. Also, how they should do more things together and see each other more often.  

Jayden steps in next, and as he pulls her into a hug, he also jokes about how they need to think about some new reason to meet, because so far they've been only meeting at wedding ceremonies — first at her and Zack's wedding, then his and Ava's, and now Lucy and Theo's. 

That's when he puts Niall and Megan on the spot, throwing at them the responsibility to organize the next meeting — or, in Jayden's own words, the next wedding. 

Niall laughs and flips him off, pointing out that as far as he knows that's only Lucy and Theo's engagement party, so they still have the actual wedding to look forward to. 

They bicker for a while, and Aurora takes the opportunity to greet Daniel — Jayden's cousin and Niall's old roommate. He's standing by a large table (that is apparently being set up with food) along with Niall and Megan, and he smiles as soon as she gets closer. 

"Hey there," he says, placing one arm over her shoulders and giving her a polite, short squeeze into his side. 

She's a little bit more awkward with him, and even a little shy. Not really knowing what to say after hello and how are you and nice to see you. They aren't really close, and they probably wouldn't even see each other again if it weren't for the others, but she appreciates him deeply for being the string that tied all of them together in the first place. After all, if it weren't for Daniel, Aurora wouldn't have met Niall. And if she had never met Niall, she also wouldn't have met Harry. 

So, in the end, it would've really sucked.

"Ok c'mon," Niall says, tapping his hand on the side of his own leg. "'S my turn. C'mon. C'mon." 

She steps away from Daniel's polite half-hug and rolls her eyes, but her mouth is already curving into this excited and big grin. 

"Would you calm down for a minute?" she jokes.

"'Course not! Look who's here, huh?" Niall cheers, throwing one arm around her shoulders and pulling her to his side. "Ma moonshine!"

She chuckles, turning towards him and circling her arms around his waist. It's been a while since she's been longing for a proper Niall-bear-hug, so she makes sure to enjoy it the most she possibly can. 

"Hi Ni," she whispers, resting her chin on his shoulder and letting a long exhale out of her nose. It's like her entire body loosens up, and she doesn't make any effort to hide it. "I've missed you." 

His childish playfulness fades away, and he passes his cold beer to someone behind her before crossing both of his arms around her shoulders and locking her in.

Finally hugging her properly. 

Finally hugging her tightly. 

"I missed ya too, moonshine," he replies just as softly, rubbing one hand up and down her shoulder blades. "It's been a while, huh?"

She closes her eyes, and nods. "Mhmm." 

It's not like they haven't seen each other at all, but they definitely haven't seen each other as much as they could. Or as much as she would've liked to. And she knows she is the only one to blame for that. She knows that Niall tried his best along the years, but she also knows that, unfortunately, Zack didn't seem to understand why she needed to maintain friendships with the opposite sex, so unless Maddie and Lucy were involved, she ended up not meeting with him that much anymore. 

Things changed after the break up, though. Niall was one of the only five people — outside from her family — she reached out to. They started meeting up for coffees, and sometimes he and Megan would tag along with her and Noah to the park. So it got better, for sure. Still, it hurts to know she had put so much distance between them, just like it hurts she still struggles so much to let him back into her life.

"Sorry for not answering your calls the past few weeks," she says.

"'S okay… At least you texted, yeah? Would've knocked on your door if not."

She chuckles and pulls away, blinking to look at him. 

The knot she improvised earlier on the back of her head doesn't exist anymore, and the light breeze seems to take advantage of that. 

"Noah's been asking about you," she says, putting her hair behind her ear.

"Really?!"

The way he beams at the mention of her son's name warms Aurora's heart, and she nods, smiling even wider at him. "Yeah… He says uncle Ni promised to teach him how to play guitar, so… When is he going to come over?"

"Ha!" Niall laughs, dropping his head back for a moment before looking into Aurora's eyes again. His cheeks are pink, and his eyes are glowing. "I did say that, yeah! Said I was gonna buy one for him. We'll arrange one afternoon for me to take him, yeah?" 

"Really? You'd do that?"

"Course! Are you kidding? Me and Harry will take him, make it a lads afternoon."

"Oh." Aurora nods, and swallows. "Right."

She looks around, then. Only half aware that the mere mention of his name has her already searching for him. 

Harry is by the jacuzzi, chatting with Theo, Ava, and Jayden, moving his hands while sharing some story with them. He looks excited, and happy. He also looks like someone who's been sitting on a plane and inside of a car for too long. Someone who hasn't tamed his hair in a while. Someone who hasn't shaved in three or four days. And someone who clearly doesn't depend on any of that to still look freaking good. 

Daniel approaches them and interrupts him, and whatever he says it's enough to completely crack Harry up, because he bends his knees and drops his head back, laughing loudly while raking his fingers through his curls. And the sound coming out of him is so enthusiastic and charged that it almost makes Aurora laugh, too. 

Almost, though. 

Because, looking at him, she actually doesn't feel like laughing. 

She actually doesn't feel like laughing at all.

Can it be possible for her to already miss those moments between them two? Just by themselves? Or is she so needy and lonely that she has irresponsibly already gotten too attached to him? 

Harry stretches his body and shakes his head, the smile still huge on his face, then turns his head to where she is.

His eyes meet hers, and Aurora looks away.

Shit.

She blinks and focuses on Niall — again. 

"So…" Niall says, putting his hands inside the pockets of his shorts. There is a new look on his face. A look she can't understand, but also a look she doesn't have time to question, because he quickly speaks again. "Talked to him this morning." 

"Yeah." Aurora nods. "I know." 

She doesn't have to ask who he's talking about, because she already knows. For some very weird and strange reason, she knows. Not because Harry mentioned something about it earlier, but because she just… Knows. 

Harry's never been that person she doesn't have to name in a conversation. He's never been the implied subject, he's never even been someone she had something to discuss about. And yet there she is right now, after one failed marriage and a four-year-old waiting for her at home, trying to figure out how the hell Harry suddenly became all she can think about. 

"'S it ok that I told him about… Y'know."

"Yes. Don't worry about it."

"'Kay. Did you two have a good flight, then?"

"Mhm. I slept most of the time so… Yes." She nods and peeks over Niall's shoulder, then waves at the girl quietly standing behind him. Almost hiding. "Heyy Megan!"

"Oh, hi." She smiles and gets closer, then embraces her into a quick hug. When they're facing each other again, she asks, "How are you?"

"I'm good, tha—"

"Did Aurora tell you she goes by Mrs. Styles now?"

Aurora widens her eyes, and then turns around.

"Harry!"

He's standing next to Niall now, smirking while holding a bottle of beer. And then their eyes meet and he shrugs. As nonchalant and unworried as he could be. 

"What? They're our friends, they deserve to know."

"Know what?" Ava asks, approaching the table along with Jayden and Maddie.

"Nothing," Aurora says. 

Harry gasps, and places his hand on his chest. "Ouch. So our marriage means nothing to you?" 

Aurora rolls her eyes. 

So freaking dramatic.

"Wait, what?" Ava looks at her, then at Harry, then at her again. 

Maddie chuckles. "I'm confused."

"I'd say that was fast, but… Y'know," Jayden mumbles. 

And then Niall snorts, grabbing Megan by her waist and pulling her closer to him. "Took him fifty years, that's all."

Aurora is only half-listening to what they're saying, because, honestly? She just couldn't care less. She glares at Harry with a frown on her face, instead. Pursing her lips and biting her cheek to make sure her mouth won't turn into a grin. 

"Oops," he mouths, then tilts his head to take a sip of beer. Eyes never slipping away from hers.

She shakes her head and crosses her arms. Feeling a buzz of joy spread from her chest to all over her body. 

Harry's silly. He really is. Acting like a teenage-boy and making jokes that aren't even funny just to get a reaction out of her. Part of her doesn't understand him and doesn't see the point, but some other part — one that's deep inside and kind of forgotten — feels completely the opposite. Like she doesn't want him to stop being like that. Like she doesn't want him to stop making her happy, making her laugh. Going out of his way just to interact with her. Just to put a smile on her face. 

Even if it's just for a day. Even if it's just for this weekend. Even if it's just to make her feel the happiest she can be for the next two days. Before everything goes back to normal again. 

"I'm gonna kill you," she mouths back. 

Harry smirks, has another sip of beer, and winks. "I know you will."

And Aurora has no idea what he means by that, but she's pretty convinced it's the hottest thing she's seen so far.

It's official now: the crew is back together. 

Or that's what Daniel says, then minutes later Aurora catches herself thinking again as she looks around the table and smiles at her friends. 

Lucy, Theo, Maddie, Niall, Megan, Ava, Jayden, Daniel, and Harry. 

They're all there. 

Even she is there. 

And she's just so… Happy. 

To see everyone after so long feels amazing. It's like they have a lot to catch up on, but also like they can just pick up things exactly where they left them. No need for questions. No need for explanations. No need for apologies. Right now and right there, they all seem to have silently agreed there would be only room for excitement and celebration.

They are all eating and chatting, throwing questions around and making sure they know what's going on in everyone's lives. And they're all so mindful and careful of Aurora's feelings, leaving her out of certain topics and allowing her to stay in silence as much as she wants to. 

It's just… Perfect. It really is. She's happy, and she's carefree, and she's just so… Relaxed. 

And then Lucy, who's sitting right in front of her, gasps and calls Harry's name, as if she just remembered this huge thing she wanted to ask him about. 

Harry hums, acknowledging he's the new topic of the interrogation while chewing his food. 

"How's your dad doing?" she asks.

"Oh." He nods and gulps down, then takes a sip of water before answering her. "He's good, yeah. Not used to having the entire house to himself, but, y'know…" He shrugs. "He's alright." 

And that's when Aurora frowns, and when she finally feels the need to chime in.

"Wait, what?" She shuffles on her seat and leans in, trying to get a glimpse of Harry over Maddie, Megan and Niall's seats. "Why did your mum move out? Did your parents get divorce?" 

Now, if there's one thing that's already been established, it's that Aurora doesn't need any reminders of what a shitty friend she's been. By now, everyone already knows that it's something that constantly haunts her mind and that she's working as much as she can to fix.

Still, she doesn't think there was ever a moment when the truth hit her as loudly and painfully as right then and there. 

Because they all go silent. Awkwardly, uncomfortably, and painfully silent. It's like her questions reverberate through everyone around the table only to bounce back to her. 

Aurora falls back into her chair, hunching down as she feels her body shrink. 

"What?" she whispers, darting her eyes over the faces of those she can see. They avoid her just as much as she tries to reach them, though, and her heart speeds up. "What did I say, guys? What did I do?"

"Auri," Harry calls. 

"Babe," and Maddie whispers at the same time, placing her hand over her knee and leaning closer to her ear. "Harry's mum passed away." 

Aurora widens her eyes. "W-what? I—When? I didn't—" 

"I know." Maddie nods. "It was a few months ago."

Niall speaks next — Aurora knows because she recognizes his voice, but she doesn't catch what he says. And when everyone starts talking again, Aurora just tunes them out. 

"Oh my God," she breathes out. "Maddie… I just… I had no idea."

"I know. We all know. It's okay."

It isn't, though. 

"When was this? What… I mean… Did you all know about it?"

"I think so, yeah."

"And why didn't you tell me?"

"I'm sorry, it's just… It was around the time you were getting your divorce, y'know? And we just… I think we figured you had a lot going on already." 

"Well, yeah… But his mum passed away, Maddie. His mum." 

Aurora rubs her forehead.

God, it just… It just breaks her heart, to be honest. She knows how close they were, how highly he always spoke of her, so she knows it must've been a really tough time for him. Especially if he was living on the other side of the world and away from everyone. Away from his family, and away from his friends. 

Did he even have anyone in the US to help him get through that?

Was his ex there for him when it happened?

Aurora hopes she wasn't.

No! Wait—What?

Shit. 

No, that's not true. 

Of course not.

Hopefully he was still dating when it happened.

Hopefully he had someone by his side.

Hopefully his break up didn't happen around that same time. 

Is that the reason why he doesn't want to talk about relationships?

Is that the reason why he said he isn't in the mood for relationships? 

Holy shit. 

Why is she even thinking about this right now?!

"A little heads up would've been nice, that's all," Aurora says, shrugging while staring at the horizon. 

It's a little after four when the girls finally get a moment just for themselves. They're still on what Theo said it's called the sun deck — although Aurora still considers it to be just the top floor of the boat — sitting around the table whilst the boys have moved their conversation somewhere downstairs. 

"God, I know!" Maddie says, now sitting across from her. "I'm sorry. I literally only remembered once it was already happening."

"I'm sorry, too," Lucy says. "I kinda went into panic mode because I'm the one who brought it up."

"It's not a big deal, tho'." Ava shrugs, and smiles softly at her. As if she's trying to reassure her and apologize at the same time. "I mean, it's not like you just decided to ignore the information or forgot about it. You genuinely didn't know."

"Yeah." Maddie nods. "And he knows that."

"Besides," Ava adds, "it's Harry, so… You two will be fine, Rory." 

Aurora nods, and grabs her necklace between her fingers. She knows they'll be fine. And she knows Harry isn't mad at her. She also knows it wasn't the girls' fault, so she isn't mad at them. She isn't even mad, to begin with. She's just… Disappointed. And sad. 

She's disappointed in herself. And she's really sad that she wasn't there for Harry. But she's mostly sad that he spent all that time at the airport listening to her while she cried over her marriage, but didn't feel comfortable enough to tell her about his own mother passing away. Not even when he brought her up in the car. 

"Rory?" Maddie calls.

Aurora blinks, and turns her head. 

The girls are all watching her. Studying her with that same worried, careful, and wary look they've been sharing around her since she made a fool of herself. 

"It's fine," she says, pulling her mouth into a smile and fidgeting with the pendant of her necklace. "Can we just, y'know, change the subject now?"

Lucy and Maddie share a look, and then they share a look with Ava. Meanwhile Megan bites her nail and shifts her eyes between everyone.

Aurora sighs, and rolls her eyes. They're all just trying to protect her. She knows that. But they're trying so hard right now that she's starting to wonder if, perhaps, it's having the opposite effect, instead. 

"Guys, c'mon," Aurora says. "Look, it was awkward, okay? And embarrassing. So of course I'm feeling weird right now. But can we please move on? Like, I just… I just need things to be normal."

"We're just worried about you," Lucy murmurs next to her. 

"I know." Aurora nods. "And I know I gave you reasons to be worried, so I really appreciate that. But I… I don't know. This is the first time I'm hanging out with everyone in years, y'know? So I'm pretty sure there'll be more awkward moments 'till Sunday and I just… I don't know. I need things to be normal."

Aurora shrugs, unable to finish the reasoning inside her mind. She wants her friends to make things less awkward, that's all. Maybe it's selfish of her to ask that of them, but… It is what she wants. 

Ava clears her throat, and shifts on her chair. "Yeah. I get it. Let's not make a big deal out of it. I'm sure you'll feel better once you talk to him."

Aurora sighs and nods, brushing her thumb over the pendant of her necklace. "Exactly." 

Something she doesn't want to do in front of everyone, but she will do. She's just waiting for the right moment to approach him. That's all. 

"Great," Ava says, facing forwards and staring at Lucy, who's right across from her. "So, I have a question, what the bloody hell are we supposed to do with this much space, huh?" 

"Oh my God, I know!" Lucy squeals and giggles, and Aurora feels herself smiling again, too. 

Changing the subject is good, and exactly what she needs. Although it doesn't erase the fact that she still needs to talk to him, of course. Because she still needs to apologize. She wants to apologize. 

At first, she thought she'd get to do it right after lunch, but then Theo announced they were about to leave the port and Aurora didn't miss a beat before running downstairs to grab her phone. 

Eight hours had gone by and she still hadn't heard a word from Zack. A tiny part of her inevitably wondered if everything was okay, but to be honest the majority of her just hated him. She ended up, then, writing another message, this time with clenched teeth and rushed fingers. Letting him know she'd be probably out of reach from then on, but that she'd still try to call and say goodnight to Noah. Adding, at the end, if i call, please pick up. 

After that, when she met everyone again, they all got together to take pictures of the moment they left the city behind. And then Lucy opened a bottle of champagne, and they all shared a toast to their soon to be married friends. 

Amidst the happy emotions, one thing led to another, and before she got the chance to reach out to Harry and ask for a private minute of his time, he was already out of her sight and gone with the rest of the boys — which she didn't think it would be fair to interrupt. 

"This is actually Theo's grandparents gift, so we're still getting used to it," Lucy says, and for some reason it just brings Aurora back to the conversation.

"What?!" She lets go of her necklace, widening her eyes and sitting upright while turning to her side. "They gave you this yacht?!"

They all look at her, and Lucy laughs. 

"Wha—No! Not the entire thing, silly! Just a week on this yacht."

"Ohhh!" Aurora exhales through her mouth, then relaxes on the chair. She chuckles lightly, waving her own question off. "Okay, yeah, that makes sense now."

"To be fair," Megan says, so timidly and softly Aurora almost doesn't hear her, "from the little I've seen, coming from those two it wouldn't actually surprise me at all."

Lucy snorts. "Right?"

They all look at Megan and nod, a clear attempt of making her feel welcome in the conversation. 

It is nice to see her spontaneously joining in. She's been dating Niall for a little less than a year now, and even though she's previously met or at least talked to everyone so far, this is the first time she's actually hanging out with all of them at once. So she's still getting comfortable around them. And Aurora relates to that, even if for different reasons. 

"You still don't get along with them?" Ava asks.

"God, no." Lucy shakes her head, then takes a sip of her margarita. "So obnoxious. Hate them."

There's a beat of silence, until Maddie stretches her arms over her head and sighs loudly. 

"Well," she says, "for what it's worth, I'm really glad they spent all this money on you guys."

"Yeah!"

"Mhmm."

"Me too!"

"Ugh, yes!" Lucy says. "I'm so happy we are all here." 

"It doesn't feel real, to be honest," Aurora says, drifting her eyes around them. 

They didn't actually leave Amalfi, but they sailed enough to anchor where they'd be fully surrounded by crystal-clear waters and have a breathtaking view of the deep blue sea meeting the bright blue sky. 

There's no music playing anymore, the boys are laughing somewhere, and the sun shines brightly and warmly above them. Sometimes, a soft breeze surprises them, but Aurora always catches herself smiling at it. And sometimes even giggling at the shivering that runs through her arms. Because it's refreshing, and reassuring. And she can't remember a single moment in her life when she's felt like that. 

Like there's nothing but peacefulness surrounding them. 

Peacefulness. 

Quietness. 

Delight.

Bliss.

Joy.

.

Happiness. 

.

Aurora throws her head back and closes her eyes, giving more room for the sun to warm up her skin. Her face, her chest, her neck. 

So,

So relaxing.

.

.

"Girls," Ava murmurs, almost whispering.

"Hm?" someone says.

Aurora blinks, looking at her friend while trying to adjust her blurry sight. Maddie, Megan and Lucy are all looking at her, too.

So Ava leans into the table, and shares with them what feels like the biggest revelation. A secret that's only for them to hear, and only for them to know. "You know I'm banging my husband here tonight, right?" 

There's only a second of dead silence, and then they all burst into laughter. 

Aurora laughs, too, but she also rolls her eyes and looks away — not surprised at all with the revelation, but also not really sharing the sentiment. Or excited about it. 

It's been too long since she's had sex for the last time, and no matter how much she misses it, it's not something that's crossing her mind right now. Not when she knows it's so out of her reach. Not when she knows it won't happen anytime soon anyway.

"C'mon," Ava says, still whispering. "I can't be the only one thinking about it… Megan?"

"I mean…" Megan murmurs, and Aurora peeks to look at her. She's sitting next to Ava, looking down at the table almost as if she doesn't want to think about it. But then she shrugs, trying her best to keep a smile out of her face, and reveals quite the opposite. "Our suite is pretty tempting, so… There might've been some talking about it already."

"Yes!" Ava cheers. "I knew it!"

"Ohh I love this." Lucy giggles, drumming her hands on the table. "And you totally should go for it. We've been doing it for days now and it's just… Ugh."  

She rolls her eyes and drops her head back, causing Aurora to shake her head and laugh again. 

That's why she's so happy, then.  

"Speaking of which…" Ava turns to her side and points at Maddie. "Are you still going out with that girl from the gym?"

Maddie shakes her head, then grabs a grape from the table and throws it into her mouth. 

Aurora already knows the story, so although she keeps paying attention to the conversation, she closes her eyes and drops her head back. Once again comfortably enjoying the sun. 

"She ghosted me like… Two weeks ago," Maddie says.

"What?" Lucy gasps. "No! C'mon, I was rooting for her!" 

"It's fine." Maddie waves her off, then grabs another grape. "I'm too old for this, anyway. If she ghosted me then she's not good enough for me."

Ava whistles, and even with her eyes closed, Aurora smiles and nods. Maddie tends to suffer more than she lets people know, but her confidence and willingness to try again, and again, is something Aurora really admires from her.

"Damn," Lucy says, standing from her chair. "If you'll excuse me, I'll toast to that. Who wants another margarita?"

"I do," Megan says. "Please."

"Ava? Maddie?"

"Nope."

"I'll have a martini," Maddie says, batting her eyelashes. "Please."

"'Kay. Rory?"

"I'm good, thanks," Aurora blindly says, aware she didn't even finish the first one yet.

"Be back in a minute, then." 

"What about you, huh?" Ava asks. "Have you met anyone?"

There's silence around them. Only the sounds coming from the water and the boys talking and laughing somehow reach Aurora's ears. She tries to make out Harry's voice, but it's too muffled for her to point it out. 

"Rory?"

Aurora opens her eyes, and blinks. 

Ava, Maddie and Megan are all looking at her. Lucy isn't there anymore. 

"Wait, you're asking me that question?"

"Well, yes."

She lifts her eyebrows, and shifts on her seat. 

"Me. You are asking me if I've met anyone?"

"Yes," Ava chuckles. "I'm asking you, Aurora Fletcher."

"Actually," Maddie says, placing a hand on Ava's shoulder. "I heard it's Mrs. Sty—"

"Don't." Aurora jolts, pointing a finger at her. "Don't even say it."

Maddie chuckles, then raises her palms and leans back against her chair. "Ooookay then."

Aurora drops her hand to the table and shakes her head, unable to hide the smile. 

She's going to kill Harry for spreading that bullshit to everyone. 

"So," Ava insists. "Did you or did you not?"

"Ava, c'mon. Of course not."

"And do you want to meet anyone?"

"Not right now, no."

"Why not?"

"Plenty of reasons."

"Name one," Maddie says, and Aurora sighs.

She's already had that exact same conversation with Maddie days ago, so she knows where she's trying to get at — she wants Aurora to admit she's ready to date people. 

Which, of course, she isn't. 

"C'mon, I just got divorced."

Ava furrows her brows, then turns to Maddie. "Didn't she divorce like… Four months ago?"

"Six, actually," Maddie says. "But they broke up months before that."

"Hmm…" She turns back to Aurora, then. "And how long are you supposed to wait 'till the memory of your shitty husband releases you from its chains?"

Aurora gasps, and so do Maddie and Megan. 

And then they all laugh. 

"Oh I love you, Av," Maddie murmurs, grabbing another grape and shaking her head.

Ava shrugs. "I mean, I'm sorry, but I'm not gonna pretend I don't want you to put that asshole behind you, y'know."

Aurora rolls her eyes, then looks away. "Still, It's not just that." 

"What is it, then?"

"I have to focus on Noah right now."

"You can focus on Noah and still meet someone, tho," Megan says. 

Aurora turns to look at her, and so do Ava and Maddie.

"Oh my God." Megan widens her eyes, clearly speaking her mind when she didn't intend to. "Rory, I'm so sorry. I—"

"Don't apologize," Maddie says. "I told her the exact same thing the other day."

"Yeah, and it's exactly what I was thinking," Ava backs her up, too. 

Aurora laughs, and groans. "Girls, c'mon. Where am I even supposed to meet people? I don't… I never even leave the house."

"You left the house this weekend, didn't you?" Ava shrugs. 

"Well, yeah, but…" Aurora rolls her eyes. "Y'know." 

"But what?"

"But we are on a yacht?"

"And…?" 

"Oh c'mon!" She laughs. "I'm here with you guys. Unless you want me to, I don't know, meet the captain or something, I don't know who I'm supposed to meet this weekend."

"Mhmm… Ok then." Ava nods, and purses her lips. "So there's absolutely no-one, I mean no-one on this boat, that you could see yourself with?"

"What?" Aurora chuckles, drifting her eyes between her friends. "Of course not!"

Ava raises her eyebrows. "You sure?"

"Ava! Yes, I'm sure! What are you even—" 

"I'm back!" Lucy shouts, and Aurora shuts her mouth. 

All four of them turn to look at the stairs, waiting for their friend to come into sight. 

It takes Lucy a few seconds, but eventually she reaches the last step. Grinning, beaming, while holding a new glass in her hand. 

"Well, actually we are back." She giggles, walking past the jacuzzi and towards the table. "'Cause, y'know, I couldn't bring everything by myself so…"

And then, Harry comes into view, too.

He's holding a tray with four other glasses, biting his bottom lip while focusing on not spilling or dropping anything. Everything about him looks casual, and distracted. But apparently it is more than enough for Aurora's heart to stop for a second, and then speed up.

"Some might say it's a coincidence," Maddie whispers, and although she's looking at Ava, she's loud enough for Aurora to listen as well. "Others might say it's fate." 

"I know!" Ava gasps and chuckles, then shifts on her chair and straightens her back. She looks at Maddie over her shoulder, then at Aurora, then back at Maddie. "I say it's fate, by the way."

Aurora narrows her eyes. "What are you to—" 

"Harry, hi!" Ava says with a smile, intentionally cutting Aurora off while she faces him. The tone of her voice already suggests she's up to something (and that she isn't being subtle about it), but then she also crosses her arms on the table and leans into them, which seems to make it even worse. "How are you?"

Harry peeks at her, then furrows his brows. "Uhm… Good?"

Lucy takes her seat once again, then leans closer to Aurora and whispers, "I know you said no, but there's one for you anyway."

Aurora licks her lips. "Oh, okay. Thank—" 

"You're single, aren't you?"

Aurora shuts her mouth and looks at Ava, a slight sense of panic invading her soul. 

What is she doing?

Ava is still looking at Harry, though, so Aurora looks at him, too.

"What?" he asks, placing the tray on the table and narrowing his eyes. He shifts his gaze to Ava, then to Megan, and then across from them, to Lucy.

"Oh don't look at me," she says with a shrug. "I have no idea."

"It's just a question," Ava says, and shrugs. "Are you single or not?"

Harry looks back to Ava, then. 

"Yes. Why?"

"Mhmm…" Ava nods. "Interesting. And are you looking to meet anyone, or…?" 

Aurora's belly swirls. 

Fucking hell. She's going to kill Ava. 

Harry shifts on his feet, watching Ava with a look that's hard to understand, and then he darts his eyes straight into Aurora's gaze. 

And Aurora holds her breath. 

Shit.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

Holy shit.

It's been only an hour or so since she got to stare into the green of his eyes, but it's like she's been missing it, because she doesn't want to let go of it. And she should let go of it. 

Right?

A moment of silence goes by, and Aurora's heart thumps loudly inside her chest. 

"Why?" he asks, right into her eyes. "Do you know someone?" 

Oh God. Why can't she let go of it?!

"Maybe…" Ava says, the hint of a hidden message loud and clear in her voice. 

And Aurora feels the shift in the air. How everything gets heavier somehow. How her ribcage gets smaller and her heart doesn't have enough space to beat as widely as it needs. 

So she looks down to her hands, not really wanting to be a part of that conversation anymore. Or not really knowing how to be a part of that conversation anymore. Because, honestly, what is going on?! 

Are her friends trying to set her up with Harry?

"Right." Harry clears his throat, then chuckles. "Well, let me know if that ever changes to a yes, then."

There's a beat of silence, but Aurora is too stunned to check what's happening.

"Oh we will," Maddie eventually says. "Don't worry."

Ava clears her throat. "Yes. But I think you'll know, tho."

Oh God…

Aurora's nauseous. And overheated. And breathless. Plus, she's pretty sure her heart is having an arrhythmia right now. 

She can't take her eyes off her hands, but she absorbs the seconds of silence as he seems to walk away, and also drinks in from his voice when he speaks again. 

"Oh, by the way, you're being summoned downstairs for a jump in the water." 

"Oh, yes! That's right!" Lucy says. "We'll be there in a minute."

"Ok." 

That's the last thing she hears from him, and then all the girls just stay in silence. As if watching him walk away. 

A few painful moments go by, until they all erupt into giggles and squeals — all but Aurora, of course. 

"Oh my God!" Ava breathes out. "What was that? The tension? You guys left me speechless! Me!"

"Rory, I'm begging you, please," Lucy says, grabbing her arm. "Please tell me you saw the way he looked at you." 

"I—What—" Aurora blinks. And shakes her head. And laughs. And mumbles. All at once. All at the same time. Confused. Dazzled. Puzzled. "Who—I mean, what?!"

"Oh my God!" Lucy squeals, and giggles. "Look at you! You're blushing!"

Aurora shakes her head, then covers her cheeks with her hands. "No I'm not!" 

"Girls," Maddie chuckles. "

She was looking right back at him

"And of course she saw the way he looked at her," Megan chuckles. "C'mon, she was looking right back at him!"

"What? No I wasn't." 

"Yes, oh my God! You totally were!" 

"What happened in that plane, huh?"

"Did you join the mile high club?"

"What?!" 

"Oh my goodness, did you really?"

"No!"

"Did your flight really get delayed?" 

"Because it's totally okay if it didn't!" 

"Totally, yes!"

"Oh my God! Girls!" 

"It's that why he's been calling you Mrs. Styles?"

Aurora laughs, rubs her forehead, and stands from her seat. "I—I can't… I need to—"

"This's so cute!"

Aurora shakes her head, walking towards the stairs. "I'm not doing this."

"Roryyy, come here!"

"Nope," she says, reaching the stairs. 

"Oh, c'mon!"

"I just… I need to use the bathroom."

"Bathroom. Mhmm…" Maddie shouts, her voice filled with teasingness and playfulness. "You go, babes. And say hello to Harry from me!" 

Aurora rolls her eyes and flips them off, then follows the same path Harry went through just minutes ago. And although she tries to keep a serious expression on her face, the truth is that she can't — she just can't — get rid of that foolish, silly, and incredibly stupidly huge smile that's creeping on her mouth. She just can't. 

So she doesn't.

The moment Aurora leaves the bathroom is the exact same moment Harry reaches the last step of the stairs, and they both bump into each other.

He places his hands on her shoulders, as if keeping her in place, but also maybe just holding himself. 

"Ops."

"Sorry."

Aurora chuckles, and Harry chuckles. 

He slides his hands off her shoulders, and she takes a step back, looking him up and down. And she doesn't mean to do that — she swears she doesn't mean to do it — but Harry changed his clothes and she just can't help herself. Because instead of being black with flamingos on it, his shirt is beige now. And instead of pants, now he's wearing black swimming shorts. And instead of those cute yellow shoes, now he's wearing white flip flops. And there's just so… 

Shit. 

Aurora swallows.

There's just so much new skin suddenly exposed. So much tanned skin. Inked skin. And also perfectly carved abs. And manly, dark body hair.

Shit.

She licks her lips. 

He's just so… 

You know…

So…

She closes her eyes. 

Fucking shit, he is just so fucking hot.

Harry clears his throat, and Aurora blinks.

The smirk is blatantly obvious on his face, and a wave of heat spreads from Aurora's chest to the back of her neck, and all over her cheeks. 

Thankfully, he doesn't say anything about the fact that she's been openly staring at his body. And that he clearly noticed it. Instead, he tilts his head towards the stairs, motioning to the floor — deck — where he was coming from when they bumped into each other.

"I left your bag in your bedroom," he says. "I hope that's okay."

"Oh, mhm, of course." She nods. "Thank you."

"Of course." 

He nods, too, then settles comfortably inside her eyes. 

Green irises holding her captive yet all over again. 

There's a beat of silence, and the distant voices of their friends are the only reminder she has that they aren't alone anymore. 

"I don't really know where my bedroom is, tho."

Harry chuckles.��

A beautiful sight that has her smiling, too.

"It's right next to mine," he says. "Theo said you're sharing with Maddie?"

"Oh." She nods. "Right."

She didn't know that, but it makes sense. Since they're the only two girls who don't have a boyfriend or husband to share a bed with. And all that. 

"Want me to take you there?"

"To my bedroom?"

"I mean, yes. To show you where it is."

"Oh…" Aurora bites the insides of her bottom lip, and nods. 

Does she want Harry to take her downstairs and show her the bedroom while all of their friends are upstairs? Ye— No!

Shit.

Aurora shakes her head. Vehemently. "I mean, no. Thanks. It's fine. I mean, I'm sure Lucy wants to show me around. Stuff like that. Y'know." 

"Right, yeah. That's true."

Another beat of silence. 

And another one.

"Are you girls coming outside with us?"

"Mhm…" Aurora nods. "We'll… Y'know… We'll probably have to change first, but… Yeah. Mhm. Change our clothes. Then we'll go."

Oh my God? Why the fuck is she suddenly acting like this? What's wrong with her?

"Oh, of course." 

Harry clears his throat and looks down at his feet, then another beat of silence echoes between them. 

A long one, by the way. 

"So…" He speaks again, and moves back into her eyes. "How are you doing? Everything good so far?"

"Mhm, thanks!" Aurora smiles, trying her best to keep herself together. "I'm having a really good time. Yeah."

Harry smiles, too. "Good. Glad to hear that."

Another beat of silence.

And another one.

And another one.

Harry lifts his arm, and points behind him. 

"Well, I should probably—"

"Wait!" 

Harry drops his arm back to his side, and tilts his head. "Yeah?" 

"I'm just…" Aurora closes her hands into fists, and presses her lips together for a moment. Making sure her voice is softer and calmer when she speaks next. And that her words will, at least, make sense. "I'm sorry… About your mum."

Harry blinks, then curves his mouth into a gentle and caring smile. "I know. Thank you, Auri."

Auri. 

Her heart skips a beat. She'd no idea she would suddenly miss a nickname that no-one but him ever used. A nickname that up until that morning she didn't even remember existed in the first place. 

"I'm also really sorry for not knowing, and for not being there for you when it happened."

Harry sighs. "I don't want you to apologize for that. I mean, I realized you didn't know when you asked about her in the car, so… It's fine. Really. I don't want you to stress over this."

"Okay… But I just…" She shakes her head. "Look, I just want to make sure you know I'm sorry, okay? Because I care about you and I don't want you to think I don't. So, I don't know, can you please just… Maybe just say okay? And thank you? And then we leave it at that?" 

The look on his face and the soft, timid smile reveal more than she needs to know, but it gets even better when he chuckles, and then when he still reassures her with his words. "Thank you Auri." 

"Good. Thank you." She smiles, too. "Now, can I just… I mean… Can I at least give you a hug? I know it's a late hug but, y'know…" 

She shrugs, and Harry grins at her. 

"You really think you need my permission to hug me?"

"I don't��I don't know!" Aurora chuckles. "What if I just go for it and you don't… Y'know. Don't want to, or… I don't know."

He rolls his eyes and steps closer, already reaching for her waist. 

"Just shut up and c'mere," he says, sliding his hands and arms around her back, then pulling her into his chest. 

Aurora smiles and stands on her tiptoes, circling his neck with both arms while resting her chin on his shoulder. 

And then, she sighs. Because that feels really nice. And really good. 

Harry squeezes her, gently but tightly, then pulls his head back slightly, just to be able to press a kiss to her cheek.

It's wet, and it's loud. And her skin tickles. 

She bites her lip, and he moves his mouth closer to her ear. Curls and stubble brushing over her.

"Thank you," he murmurs, slightly digging his fingertips into her back — almost, almost, pushing her closer to him. "Just so y'know tho, you should always go for it. And I always want to."

Her belly flutters, and she closes her eyes. 

He just keeps doing those things… Saying those things… You know? And it's just… It's just so… Confusing? Because, honestly, 'I always want to'? What does he even mean by that? Who says something like that? 

"Yesss!" Ava shouts, and it doesn't take a second for Aurora to pull away from their embrace. 

Blinking. Suddenly flushed. Suddenly dizzy. Suddenly out of breath. Suddenly feeling her heart thump so loudly inside her that she's convinced it'll burst out of her chest. 

"She's here!"

Harry's eyes are soft on her, though. Calm. As if he's completely unaware of what he's doing to her. Or maybe as if he's aware of it, but completely satisfied with her reaction. 

Either way, it's like he is… Reassuring her. Like he's trying to let her know that it's not a big deal. And that it's okay. Because it's him, y'know? And it's always been okay with him. So why wouldn't it also be okay now? Confusing, but still okay.

Or… 

Maybe it's none of that. Maybe she is just projecting, because maybe she is the one trying to reassure herself. 

Who knows. 

Either way, it somehow works. Because she takes a deep breath in, and her heartbeat slows down. 

"Yes, he's here too!" Ava shouts again. "You owe me five bucks!"

Aurora and Maddie's room it's simple, minimalistic and fancy — pretty much like the entire yacht. 

Her duffel bag is on top of the queen size bed she'll be sharing with Maddie, and there's a window allowing the daylight to brighten up the space. There are also two bedside tables, a wardrobe, and a tv. Plus enough room for all of them to comfortably hang out together while she rummages through her things to find a change of clothes. 

Ava, Lucy and Megan are comfortable on the bed, Maddie stands around the wardrobe while she puts her own stuff away, and Aurora sits on the floor, right by her bedside table. 

"Can you hand me my bag, please?" she asks.

"Sure." Megan grabs it from her feet and brings it closer to her reach.

"Thanks."

"I'll just ask one last question," Lucy says, sitting against the headboard and next to Megan. "And then I promise we won't touch the subject again, ok?"

Aurora drops her bag by her side, between her thigh and the bedside table, then nods. 

"'Kay," she says, bending her legs by the knees and looking at her. "One last question, then."

"How are things with Zack? Is he treating you better?"

She purses her lips and scratches her nose, mulling over the words to make sure she gives them the most honest answer she's able to. 

After Ava found her and Harry sharing a hug, the girls spent as much time as they could teasing the hell out of her — no matter how many times she told them it wasn't like that and it didn't mean anything more than a hug between two friends. 

The jokes only stopped when each moved to their own bedroom to change into swimsuits. Minutes later, when they met again in Aurora and Maddie's room, they kept laughing about the most random and insignificant things, not really putting her on the spot anymore. 

So it kind of felt natural that the conversation eventually ended up shifting back to Aurora's life, mostly because it was clear her friends still had questions to discuss. 

Which doesn't surprise her, but it also doesn't thrill her. 

"Sometimes, yes," Aurora says. "We still fight a lot over Noah, tho. Like, he doesn't like the fact that I signed him up for preschool, so he keeps messing up his routine, and then I'm the one who has to deal with Noah's tantrums. So, y'know, sometimes it's just really exhausting, but—" 

"Wait," Ava says, laying on her stomach and resting her chin on the palm of her hand. "He doesn't want Noah to go to preschool? Why?" 

Aurora shrugs — although she knows the answer pretty well. 

"Because I did it so I could go back to work, and Zack doesn't want me to."

"Sorry," Megan says. "He doesn't want you to work?"

Aurora shakes her head. "Nope. I mean, it's not going to stop me from doing it" — not anymore, at least — "but he definitely never planned for me to go back."

Ava shakes her head. "That's really fucked up."

"God I hate him so much," Maddie mumbles, her face hidden inside the wardrobe. 

"I know…" Aurora sighs, and shrugs. "And guys, I love Noah, ok? I really love him. It's not like I want to work because I don't want to take care of him. I swear. I just—"

"Rory, stop," Lucy says, pulling her hair into a bun on the top of her head. "We all know that." 

"Yeah," Ava says, sitting up in bed. "That's not something you need to clarify. Nobody would ever doubt how much you love Noah."

"You're such a great mum," Megan says. 

"Damn you are," Maddie says. She takes a step back from the wardrobe and turns around, holding a pair of earrings and white sunglasses. "Zack never did half of what you do, he never stopped one minute of his day to take care of Noah, or to be a decent husband to you, but he still expects your entire life to stop? C'mon!" 

The girls agree, murmuring yeah, and exactly, or nodding along. 

"The only reason why he thinks he's allowed to be a dick to you," Maddie adds, "it's 'cause he has one." 

"Totally, yeah," Ava says. "He doesn't even deserve to have a dick, in the first place." 

"Who's got a dick?" Niall asks, popping his head into the room and smirking at them. 

"Maddie," Ava jokes, sitting on the mattress and crossing her legs. 

Niall walks in and hums, tapping Aurora's head before sitting on the bed, next to his girlfriend. He kisses Megan's cheek and smiles, then turns to look at the girls and places his hand on Megan's thigh. Just like Zack used to do. 

Aurora looks away, then turns and kneels in front of her bag, facing all the clothes she doesn't feel comfortable enough to wear.

It's hard to stop the memories from taking over her mind, though. 

And she knows it's a really small gesture, but it's also one that Zack used to do to her a lot — albeit in a different way, or for different reasons. It happened usually at Zack's business dinners and under the tables, but sometimes he would do it when they were around family and friends, too. He never explained the code to her, but somehow Aurora still learned it — Zack would put his hand on her thigh and squeeze twice, and she would know it was time for her to shut up and stop embarrassing him. 

"Sometimes I wish I had," Maddie says, and Aurora scratches her nose. Then her temple. Then her forehead. Almost as if pushing her thoughts away. Pushing her memories away. "But right now we're actually talking about Zack's dick."

"Oh…" Niall clears out his throat, then chuckles. Sounding as awkward and uncomfortable as Aurora feels. "Right… Maybe we should keep his name out of this trip, yeah? Or at least his dick."

Aurora twists her fingers around the fabric of her swimsuit, listening to the conversation but not really engaging with it. 

She's the only one who isn't ready yet. The only one who still hasn't changed her clothes. The only one who still isn't comfortable enough to show off her body to all of her friends. 

"We were just saying having a dick doesn't allow him to question Aurora's decisions, babe," Megan says. 

"Ohhh," Niall said. 

"Especially as a mother," Ava added.

"Moonshine," Niall calls. He touches her shoulder, and Aurora peeks at him through the corner of her eyes. "Y'know I'll gladly cut his dick off, right? Anytime. Just gotta say the word."

Aurora laughs and shifts around, sitting on her heels as she looks at her friends taking over her bed — plus Maddie, now standing by the window on the opposite side. 

"Thanks guys. But I think—" She shakes her head. "No, I know I'm gonna be okay. So I agree with Ni, I think we should keep his name out of the conversation." 

"And his dick," Niall points out, raising a finger. 

Aurora chuckles. 

"Especially his dick. I mean, it wasn't even a good dick anyway."

She shrugs, but the loud laughter that erupts from everyone ends up making her grin, too. 

And just like that, as everyone tries to catch their breaths again and engage into different conversations, Aurora feels light and breeze again. So she pulls her swimsuit from her bag and gets up, finally getting enough courage to take the next step.

She turns around, then, and falls straight into Harry's eyes. 

Shit.

He's standing by the door, leaning on his shoulder and smirking at her. Watching her. Holding an expression she hasn't seen so far. It isn't an affectionate smile, it also isn't a sweet or careful smirk. And his gaze is so intense that she feels her body warming up — that she feels herself blushing. 

It seems as if he is holding himself from saying something cheeky. Or as if he's keeping a secret. As if he knows something that she doesn't, and as if he's enjoying it.

She breathes in, then holds the fabric tightly with both hands and steps forward.

"What?" she murmurs, getting closer to him and trying to keep their friends out of the conversation.

"Nothing." He shrugs, stepping aside to let her get through the door. "Just listening, that's all." 

Aurora nods. "Mhm. Okay, then."

When she walks past him, she notices how he follows the movement of her body and turns around. And also how he crosses his arms on his chest and leans his back against the narrow wall that separates their bedroom doors. 

Once again, a fluttery feeling settles in her belly. And as she moves towards the bathroom, she does her best to avoid it. And also to ignore the way his eyes keep burning into her. 

She can't, though. So when she grabs the doorknob of the bathroom door, she holds herself tightly, and turns her head as much as she can, watching him over her shoulder. 

He's still watching her, carefully, although now his sight seems to be too low to meet her eyes. 

"Harry?"

Harry drifts his eyes up, meeting her stare. 

"What are you doing?"

"Nothing." He shrugs. "Just… Watching. That's all."

She lifts her eyebrows. "Mhm. What were you just watching, then?"

He shrugs again, but he also smirks — and he smirks in such a way that, even before he opens his mouth, she knows he's about to lie.

"The back of your head?"

Aurora stares at him blankly for a second, and then she snorts. And laughs. She doesn't know what to say, though, so she faces forward and opens the door. As if she doesn't know Harry was just checking her out. And as if he didn't just playfully admit he was. Or as if she doesn't care about any of that.

And yet, as she steps forward and feels he's still watching, she maybe slows down a little. And maybe she makes sure to sway her hips. Maybe, though. And also just a little. Just in case. 

Because maybe, maybe, if Harry's watching, Aurora wants to make sure he's taking a good look. And maybe, she wants him to enjoy the view. And maybe she wants him to like what he sees when he looks at her.

Maybe, though.

Of course.

Hi! If you've made it here, thank you for reading. You have absolutely no idea how much it means to me.

PART 4 (II)

[meowzfordayz]

analysis (; — hashira men

Author’s Note: took this not-actually-a-prompt and got carried away heh... 😌

analysis (; — hashira men

Himejima Gyomei x Reader, Iguro Obanai x Reader, Rengoku Kyojuro x Reader, Shinazugawa Sanemi x Reader, Tomioka Giyuu x Reader

Word Count: ~2,200

CW: 18+NSFW, degrading language, explicit language, Fem!Reader, oral, spit, squirting

Thirst Fulfilled: I NEED someone to settle an argument between me and a friend-

Do you think sanemi has a big [redacted]-

Because I KNOW he is packing a huge one.

Ps I’m sorry but I don’t know who else to ask 😭

~faqs~

Update as of 12 May 2023: A foreword that these headcanons are first and foremost indulgent !! 😌 They are not intended to be realistic. They’re supposed to be fun. Hot. 🥵 Within the realm of possibility, but not ~normal. 😉

Dick so big it has him blushing 🤭

—I mean, c’mon: Look at him 😳

That being said, it’s also very pretty — not monstrous or scary (besides its size heh)

A nice, rounded head that oozes precum throughout foreplay, sensitive and rosy pink as you flick your tongue across it, thick and heavy balls tightening at the breathy moan in your throat

A delicate vein curves from its base to the underside of the tip, thankfully not too pronounced, bc it’ll stretch you out enough regardless

Speaking of stretch…

Your fingers can barely wrap around its girth — it’s much easier to drool and lap at the shaft than commit to anything close to deep throating (unless your jaw stamina’s through the roof 👀)

Doesn’t exactly groom himself, but that isn’t too much of an issue since it’s not like his pubic hair’s getting in your way too often (re: dick too huge to regularly deepthroat) 

As for length, Gyomei’s in the ball park of ~reasonable (10 inches when erect), but it still requires a hell of a lot of prep before you’re fully seated on his cock, ass flush against his flexed thighs while large, sweaty hands grip your hips in a feeble attempt to restrain himself from immediately thrusting into your dimly throbbing cervix

“This okay?” he murmurs, thumbs pressing firmly into the softness of your skin, low groan caught in his chest at the suffocating heat of your pussy, your shaky, faintly pained breaths keeping his desire in check

“Take as much time as you need,” as you use his stomach to steady yourself, muscles rippling beneath your palms

“You feel wonderful,” whispered gently—patient as ever—even as he longs to raise your trembling body up and almost off of his cock, only to fuck the air out of your lungs w/ a single, smooth drop of your wanton weight, unsuspecting wail music to his ears as you convulse in orgasm at the overwhelming pressure of his cock stuffing your puffy walls

Obanai’s closer to average, but he isn’t small (at least, his dick isn’t 😆 #short king)

Def a grower, slim, veiny shaft elongating (to ~6 inches) as you stroke him w/ a practiced flick of your wrist

Not exactly related to his dick, but he also def growls during foreplay, needy and eager to melt into you and to ruin you — just depends on his mood, yanno?

His head is the kind of head that you almost wanna chomp 🤗, all squishy, bulbous, and fat, quickly reddening and weeping precum, making a mess of your fingers

Perfect lubrication for touching yourself while sucking him off, gleam in his eyes at how filthy you are

Typically can’t be bothered to trim his pubic hair, but it doesn’t get especially long anyway — more so coarse and curly

His shaft doesn’t stretch you out significantly, sliding easily into your slick heat, hovering above you as his hands keep your legs parted widely, “You like being splayed out for me, hm?” pinching lightly at your inner thigh, grinning smugly as you whimper contently, “My precious plaything.”

But it (his shaft) does have a wicked, upward curve, tip grinding firm and repetitive against the spongy bundle of nerves deep in your pussy

And its veins 🤤

What he lacks in girth, he makes up for in texture

Plus, Obanai 11/10 fucks aggressive and erratic, pubic bone flush to your clit, friction delicious and constant as he thrusts full force into your hole, sweat dripping from his brow onto your clavicle, his eyes narrowed in lust and passion, balls slapping sticky against your asshole, less concerned about hurting you since he’s aware that he isn’t ~the biggest guy on the block

Altho, if he’s tired, then he lowkey enjoys you on top, edging him w/ every slow and steady undulation of your hips, your tits pressed warm and hot to his chest as he clings to you and the squelch of your cunt

For whatever reason, my immediate thought was: Raging! Hard! On! 😂😍

Kyojuro’s absolutely packing, but still decently proportionate to his stature (177cm aka 5’10”)

—Bc, contrary to porn-pular belief, comically large dicks hurt 😒💀

8 inches erect, and a sizeable bulge when flaccid

—Never thought I’d use this term, bc (imo) it’s hot when I’m horny, but 🥴 when I’m ~sober 😆…

BREEDER BALLS

As much as Kyojuro loves worshiping your pussy, he might love when you worship his balls more 🤭

You kissing, sucking, licking his balls while he jerks himself off = 100% orgasm guarantee

Drooling on his shiny, reddening tip, your spit trickling down between his fingers, making a mess of your lips as you return to fondling his balls w/ your mouth?

110% orgasm guarantee

Prefers cumming on your tits, btw — will stave off his orgasm until you can get ~in position ☺️

Nothing like an even messier round two 😎

Bc, ofc, he is more than happy to reciprocate the pleasure 💞

W/ enough girth to warrant a gradual sinking (vs an abrupt thrust to the hilt), his shaft fills you breathless, its last couple of inches just barely fitting into your heat

“Can’t believe you’re already hard again,” you giggle delightedly, eyes hazy as he smears his cum across your nipple, throbbing head pressing deeper into your pussy, “You’re insatiable, I swear.”

A heady groan is his only response, gaze bright and attentive as always, reaching for your hand, dipping your thumb into his cum splatter, tasting himself on your skin as he maintains eye contact

“Fuck,” you gasp, pussy clenching at his nonchalance, tongue swiping subconsciously along your bottom lip

“Taste?” he offers, enthusiastic tone muted by the determined pressure of him lapping at your other nipple, his cum bitter and warm as he kisses you sloppy and needy, grip gentle on your jaw as he inhales your scent

And then you whisper Umai!

One word: brutal 😵‍💫

Not bc he’s ridiculously hung (i.e. Gyomei), but bc he’s ridiculously good (at using his dick)

—I actually headcanon Sanemi being a ~bashful virgin (sex can be intimate, and intimacy can be scary, but he loves you, so if that means being soft and scared w/ you… then he’s willing to go there 🥺🤍), buuut once he’s comfortable/well practiced?

—😈😈😈

Not much of a show-er when flaccid (and absolutely, positively shriveled when cold 😂), but an ideal 7 inches when erect w/ girth in between Gyomei and Kyojuro (slimmer than Gyo, thicker than Kyo)

His tip seems to get ~angrier the longer you tease him, going from an almost cute pink to an engorged, lustful red — def the hardest part about fitting him in your pussy, breath catching every time he finally slips into your dripping hole

Which, he has to get you dripping before attempting to penetrate, or at least use lube, bc rushed sex + his dick = not super enjoyable

Alternatively, he’ll facefuck you to get his dick wet enough for your pussy, 7 inches manageable, albeit veering on unpleasant, your nails digging into his flexed ass as he shoves himself languid and satisfied into your mouth, head twitching and leaking precum down the back of your throat whenever you gag on his length

“Watch your teeth,” he grunts lowly, tugging warningly at your hair, swallowing a moan as his cock muffles your whimper, eyes watering at his roughness, “Don’t make me gag and choke you,” calloused fingers brushing soothingly—promisingly—at your neck

In terms of pubic hair, he keeps it neatly trimmed, but not clean shaven: he likes hearing—seeing—the filthy mess of your saliva, tears, and precum as he fucks up and into your pussy

“Is this fast enough for you?” he snarls, your body balanced precariously atop his pelvis, grip nearly bruising on your hips as he smirks knowingly, “Obviously not,” pace frenzied as you moan raggedly, “If you’re still moaning like a whore, then it isn’t fast enough.”

Feet shifting beneath him in search of a different angle, grin triumphant and deadly as you shout silently, head tilted backward, tits bouncing in mesmerizing sync w/ his thrusts

“There we go,” he murmurs, balls tightening at your fucked out expression, “There’s my perfect cunt, squeezing all pathetic and hopeless around my cock,” stamina never ending, pussydrunk on the feeling of you, “Can’t wait for you to cum on my cock, gonna make this cunt so fucking sloppy.”

The prettiest dick 😭

—Ik I mentioned Gyomei’s dick being pretty too, but Giyuu takes pretty to another lvl 🥺

Aka Giyuu has the Goldilocks Cock™ 💀

Just shy of 7 inches, w/ thin veins that curl neat and yummy around his shaft — which, btw, is thick enough to have you pushing on his shoulders Slowly, p-please as the tip catches on your entrance, his eyes hooded and glassy as he ignores you in favor of thrusting in further Sorry not sorry at all You feel so g-good

A faint shudder trembles down his spine, pooling in his groin, traveling along his girth, head twitching in the viscous grip of your heat

Maintains a tidy patch of pubic hair, delicate happy trail tantalizing and subtle whenever he stretches 🥱

As for his balls… once again: Goldilocks Balls™ 🤤

Optimally sized for sucking into your mouth, hanging beautifully even, downy hairs tickling your nose as he cups the back of your head, quiet groans spilling from his cherry bitten lips as you glance toward his fluttering lashes, your vision obscured by the muscle of his tensed inner thigh

Giyuu’s fave position? 

—for these headcanons, at least 😆

Cowgirl 🤠 #yee #haw

Your pussy clings to his shaft like a greedy vice, creamy essence smearing from your swollen folds to his lower abdomen, tits presented as you arch backward, using his legs to steady yourself as you fuck yourself on his (perfect) cock

“Touch yourself,” he demands softly, spreading your asscheeks w/ surprisingly cool hands, easily supporting your weight, eyes closing at the satisfying smack of your skin bouncing against his

“Touch yourself till you cum,” his biceps hardly straining as you chase your orgasm, rhythm smooth and delectable, “I want to feel you fall apart,” murmured slick and gentle, in stark contrast to the lewd squish of his balls tapping your asshole

“C’mon sweetheart, fall apart for me, so gorgeous on my cock, love feeling you gush all over me.”

—I pondered long and hard about Tengen’s dick (both puns intended 🤗)

—Lemme organize my thoughts for a sec…

—Girth (from wide to slim): Gyomei, Tengen, Sanemi, Kyojuro, Giyuu, Obanai

—Length (from long to ~short): Gyomei, Tengen, Kyojuro, Sanemi, Giyuu, Obanai

In other words, as the second tallest, Tengen also happens to be the second biggest 🙃

—I initially considered putting him behind Kyo in terms of length, but 198cm aka 6’6” vs 177cm aka 5’10”... the math just wouldn’t have mathed 😆

Erect, Tengen measures a solid 9 inches, and if Obanai’s dick is veiny, then Tengen’s dick = veins GALORE 😵

“Even my dick is flashy! 😎” “It has ✨decor✨!”

His shaft bends slightly downward (blame gravity — his dick’s so fucking heavy 😌), so certain positions can be a bit tricky, but damn if he doesn’t rearrange your insides 🤪

Def enjoys being the center of attention, fucking slow and confident into your stretched out hole, dirty talk muffled by Makio’s thighs as he maintains a steady rhythm licking her folds, Hina’s index finger slim and practiced as she stimulates your clit, Suma’s tongue gliding wet and hot against Tengen’s taint

“What was that?” Makio coos, eyes twinkling as she grinds firmly onto Tengen’s mouth, “We can’t understand you dear,” squealing when he smacks her tits, “You seem a bit preoccupied, try speaking up.”

“S-shit,” you gasp, gripping Hina’s hand, pressure building as Tengen thrusts sharply into you, “D-don’t encourage him Makio,” whining as Hina latches onto your nipple, sucking lightly

“Why not?” Makio giggles, ass wiggling playfully, “Can’t take it?” knowing all too well that, ultimately, your pussy’s paying the price for her teasing

“Hm, you’re so messy babe,” Suma sighs contently, pausing her ministrations to kiss Tengen’s thigh, lips shiny w/ spit and your essence, “Seems like you want Makio to encourage him.”

Hina nods in agreement, eyes narrowed devilishly, twisting your other nipple, “Her clit’s throbbing,” spoken w/ unbearable casualness, “I think she’s going to cum.”

“Are you going to cum?” Tengen asks conversationally, finally taking a breath from Makio’s pussy, engorged tip twitching in your cunt, “I’ve hardly ruined you, and you’re already spasming on my cock.”

“T-tengen,” you whimper, clenching at his taunting tone, falling forward, cheek smooshed into Makio’s back, “So fucking d-deep,” stuttering as the new angle forces his fat head flush to the entrance of your cervix

“Think we can get her to squirt?” Tengen hums smugly, a hypothetical question, really, as you begin convulsing, pussy gushing messily onto his stomach, Hina’s hand glistening, ignoring your meek mewls of T-too much! as she continues rubbing your clit, Suma lapping at your cum as it coats Tengen’s balls, trickling between his asscheeks

[vigilante-3073]

Distance

James Wilson x Reader (REQUESTED)

Summary: James and Y/N Wilson welcomed their first child almost five months ago. Y/N begins to notice the distance between her and her husband after he returns to work.

TW: Angst, lonliness, mentions of infidelity, babies and falling out of love.

Y/N sat in the rocking chair in D/N's nursery, she rocked back and forth gently as she cradled the baby in her arms. D/N's nose scrunched up as she dreamt, small hands grasping onto the light pink blanket wrapped around her.

D/N was almost five months old, she had her father's temperament along with his beautiful brown eyes. Y/N had never known a love like the one she felt when she saw her baby girl for the first time. She and Wilson were overjoyed when they found out that she was pregnant after almost a year of trying. Wilson was present and supportive of her every need throughout the pregnancy, whether it be cravings, morning sickness or body aches.

Wilson was attentive and helpful throughout his three-month long paternity leave. He was up and out of bed at the first sound from the monitor and he always had their daughter in his arms whenever he could.

Wilson was an amazing father, but then he went back to work and it was like the dynamic had changed entirely. He left early in the morning and stayed at work late, only coming home long after Y/N had gone to sleep. She couldn't help but feel like he had lost interest in her and their daughter.

Y/N knew about Wilson's past infidelity and tried desperately to keep her imagination from running wild.

She knew that her body didn't look the same after the pregnancy, but there was also a part of her that knew her worries could be purely caused by hormones or exhaustion. No matter how many times she told herself that she was making something out of nothing, she still couldn't seem to push her worries aside.

She was tired of being alone and caring for their daughter by herself. Y/N missed her husband and she could feel her resolve starting to crumble.

Y/N looked down at her sleeping daughter before slowly standing from the rocking chair and moving over to the crib. She carefully leaned over the railing and laid the baby down on the plush mattress.

D/N shifted with a whimper, her small fists clenching. Y/N shushed her softly, resting her hand on the baby's chest and brushing her thumb across the fabric of her pink pyjamas.

The baby settled after a few moments, allowing Y/N to step back before picking up the baby monitor and making her way out of the nursery.

Y/N made her way into the living room, eyes glossing over with frustrated tears immediately as she saw the mess. Every surface was covered in clutter and a few scattered cups or plates. Y/N huffed, silently moving around the room as she began to clean up. It suddenly felt like the entire apartment was suffocating, she was overwhelmed and frustrated without any possibility of relief.

She knew that she would eventually crumble underneath the pressure.

Y/N made her way into the kitchen, tossing away the garbage and setting the dishes on the counter before returning to the living room to continue tidying the space. She froze in place when she heard a key slide into the lock, her eyes found the clock and saw that it was almost 1 o'clock in the morning.

Of course James would be coming home.

Y/N shook her head, folding a blanket as he opened the door and stepped inside. She could see the brief moment of shock on his face when he saw that she was still awake.

"I thought you'd be asleep," He said gently, closing the door and taking off his coat.

"Of course you did or you wouldn't be here," Y/N stated, draping the blanket over the back of the couch. She bent down and collected their daughter's toys from the floor, tossing them into the wicker basket beside the couch.

Wilson's brow furrowed, "What is that supposed to mean?" He asked, she shook her head, "Forget it," Y/N muttered.

"No, come on, talk to me," Wilson said, moving around the couch to stand in front of his wife.

Y/N huffed, swiping at her cheek as a tear broke free, "What's going on with you?" He asked gently.

"What's going on with me? What's going on with you? I haven't seen you in weeks! You're gone before I'm awake and you don't come home until I'm already asleep. It's like you can barely stand to be in the same room as me for more than two minutes," She said.

"That's not true," Wilson replied.

"Who is she, James?" Y/N snapped.

"Who is who?" He asked, she huffed as more tears rolled down her cheeks, "The woman you're cheating on me with," Y/N said quietly.

"I'm not cheating on you. Why would you think that?" Wilson asked.

"I'm alone all the time and I can't do this anymore. If you're sleeping with someone else, I just need you to tell me so I can stop feeling like I'm doing something wrong," Y/N pleaded, breath catching in her chest as she tried to keep from falling apart.

"I'm not cheating on you," Wilson stated, hands resting on her biceps.

"Then where did you go? Why don't you want to be with me anymore? Do you not love me? Is it my body because I can-" "Stop, don't even think about finishing that sentence," He said.

Y/N wiped her cheeks with a sniff, "I just miss you and I can't do this by myself," Y/N said shakily.

Wilson pulled her into his arms, holding her tightly to his chest. Her body trembled in his arms as her hands gripped onto the material of his shirt. Y/N broke down into quiet sobs, tears soaking into the material of his shirt.

"I love you so much and I am so unbelievably sorry that I made you think I don't want you," Wilson said softly.

He held her until her crying had dissolved into small sniffles, head tucked into the crook of his neck as she calmed down. Wilson's hand rubbed over her back soothingly, "Do you want to know where I've been?" He asked.

She nodded, "I've been transferring the care of some of my patients to another Oncologist at the hospital," Wilson said.

"Why?" Y/N asked softly.

"To spend more time at home," Wilson stated.

Y/N huffed a laugh, "I thought you were cheating on me," She muttered.

"I didn't exactly explain myself before jumping straight into this so I'll forgive you for assuming the worst," He said, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

"I love you, James," Y/N said.

"I love you too, honey," He replied with a soft smile.

[slashers-and-rats]

pegging billy lenz is I all need like oh my god he is so me like wtf he's so silly I need him carnally

a/n: you get me. you really do. we’re bonding over wrecking our pathetic rat man.

billy lenz x fem!reader | nsfw | msub!billy, pegging, overstim kinda

billy’s face pressed hard against your pillow. he breathed in your scent deep, letting it fog his brain and cloud his senses. he wanted to be surrounded by you, filled by you-

he supposed, he was getting what he wished.

the way the strap-on was pushed inside of him, snug and tight up against his walls, made him feel like he had never felt. it felt somewhere between being suffocated and being pumped up like a balloon. it made him wheeze into the pillow, emptying his lungs of every dirty breath. the words he choked out were vile. he drooled arousal onto your pillow. the things he whispered were hot and pleading, needy to the point of being pathetic. he also breathed in deep, filling his lungs of everything surrounding him. the pillow pressed to his face, the sweat coming off your body, the sweet smell of sex hanging in the air; he breathed it all in. he relished in it. filled himself with it. he was full of you.

billy snapped back down to earth when you pushed your hips into a slow thrusting motion. he gripped the sheets tight.

you ran your hands over his back, tracing your fingers along his spine. his skin was on fire. every glide of your strap into his hole made him whimper. it was hard to speak, but he couldn’t stop. his brain was tumbling.

“fuck- fuck my hole! wreck m-my tight ass! wreck it!” he begged, rocking his butt back into the silicone. it sent you deep into him, and pressed right up against that spot inside of him. he quaked, gathering up the pillow in his face and smothering himself with it. the sound that came out of him, beastly and wild, was muffled by the plush fabric.

you giggled from behind him. the sound stabbed into his ears, keeping him grounded to the current reality. if he hadn’t heard you, he might’ve fallen away into nothing. you saved him. it only made him love you more.

“relax,” you purred, slowing your hips and holding his own in place. he allowed you to move him and keep him steady. he needed as much help as he could get. had anyone else been in his position, they might’ve felt the least bit embarrassed to be so clearly desperate and starved, but billy was… well, billy was billy.

no, he didn’t feel any regret as he whined low in his throat, wiggling his hips just enough to get friction from the strap. he didn’t move from where you had placed him, he’d never be so disobedient, but he urged you with his squirming. “slut- I’m a slut- I’m piggy’s slut! f-fuck me!” his voice was high and whiny, almost feminine in tone.

you hummed, waiting a moment for suspense, before thrusting your hips hard into the man beneath you. he moaned, just as high as before, pleading for more. at this point, you couldn’t understand him. he was practically biting on the pillow in his arms, and he had become too overwhelmed to string proper sentences together. his lips were three miles behind his thoughts, and they weren’t connecting any of the syllables right. no, he was babbling.

“you want me to make you cum? is that what my good boy wants?” you cooed, patting his butt. billy nodded, spitting up sounds of pleasure and need. he just needed a little more. you were moving so slow for him. “i’ll make you cum then. but no touching your cock. i don’t think you need to.”

he didn’t have time to protest. you began a steady pace into him, focusing on getting deep and hitting his prostate hard. your strap kept a steady, accurate pace on that spot inside of him.

it all but blinded him. light flashed behind his eyelids, and he clawed at the sheets. he tried to meet your thrusts with his own weak hip movements, but he couldn’t find the strength. you were drilling into him. you were fucking him with such purpose, it made him tear up. billy had stopped trying to speak, instead just drooling and moaning. he felt like a whore. your whore. it felt so good to be yours.

he, in that moment, could swear you ran through his veins. you were taking over every nerve ending. he felt so alive, and yet on the precipice of death. he could feel his cock, hard and leaking, thumping against his stomach with every thrust of the strap inside of him. the sound was downright sinful. your skin slapping against his, and his own thick shaft bumping into his belly button while he was ravaged.

all these factors were setting in on him. they picked apart his brain. they were the pinpricks in his thighs, and the shocks of soreness in his back. they were the jolts of electricity that travelled from his prostate and up to his cock every time you plunged into him. it was driving him so close to the edge.

the sounds billy made were practically cries. he slobbered all over your pillow, and sobbed in pleasure. he panted, and wheezed, and coughed. he didn’t dare try to say anything. instead, as he got closer, he just whined high in his throat.

you once again cooed behind him. he couldn’t hear it this time. all he could make out was that beautiful tone of voice. it was like a song in a different language, he felt it but he didn’t understand. he didn’t understand that you were giving him permission to cum until it happened. all that pierced through the thick veil of pleasure was “let go for me”.

he did. he choked up and went stark still, before releasing hard with a loud moan onto the sheets below him. he collapsed then, entire body falling flat against the bed underneath him. he shook with aftershocks, rubbing his still sensitive cock into the sheets of the bed. he felt his own cum smearing into his skin, and somewhere deep down he derived a sick pleasure from it. he was such a mess. such a dirty boy.

he had to roll over after a minute, finding it too overwhelming to remain so stimulated. he laid on his back in front of you, sticky and spent. you looked down at him with such adoration. he felt like he was under a heat lamp.

he didn’t give you time to speak. like a cat on a windowsill, he fell asleep under his sun.

[arkabacon]

// Louder Than Thoughts.

|| Blade x gn! Reader || || It was painful to breathe. Let alone think. || || 1k words || sfw !! || hurt/comfort, reader is a mess, implied relationship, not proofread, self indulgent || || note/s: the weather was perfect for this. I also wrote this with a wrecked mood due to reading an angsty fic so really I’m writing this to comfort myself. ||

It was one of those nights.

You could not control a single portion of your emotional state. You felt like crying, screaming, ripping yourself apart. It would pass, you knew that. This always happens. But whenever you’re in the middle of it, all you could think about is-

…

The loud thunder disrupts your train of thought for a few moments, your form slumping back down again immediately afterwards. The feeling in your chest did not leave. Was it pain? Sorrow? Anger? Emptiness? You did not know. All you knew is that it was suffocating. It clawed at every part of your being, but especially the deepest depths of your body. It was like a growing curse that situated itself in the core of what is supposedly described to be you. It was a pang of guilt, even, growing with every unspeakable thought crossing your mind.

You begged for it to stop. A portion of you said you deserved more.

Your mind was turbulent as the weather, and this sole fact dampened your mood further. It almost urged for your state to grow even worse than it is now. You held back tears, a choking sensation forming in your throat the longer your persisted. You pulled your knees to your chest, hugging them as you buried your face into your arms. You sought out for some sort of warmth, but only the cold of the night embraced you.

At that point you couldn’t hold it in anymore. No matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t help but cry. You cried and cried, the loud rain drowning out your soft sobs and the occasional sniffle. For the nth time did you beg for it to stop, whether it be the overwhelming emotions in your chest, or the physical pain that came from it.

The rain was too loud. But your thoughts were louder.

You didn’t even notice how intensely Blade was staring at your slumped form. How your head rested against the sliding doors that led to the back of your residence. The bellowing wind kept entering, and he’d notice how you’d shiver each time it grew in intensity.

Just what the hell were you doing out here? He thought.

It took him a while to even step towards you. Was he supposed to? He couldn’t hear your cries, and it was certain that he could not hear the things that ran through your head. But after knowing you for so long, he knew that something was amiss. Because on a regular day, even with such weather you’d react openly towards it. You’d point it out to him, maybe even connecting it with some distant memory you had previously forgotten. But here, you kept to yourself, hiding away the expression of your face. Secretive, he’d think, but it was a secret he didn’t want you to keep.

Or at least, a secret he didn’t want you to suffer alone with.

To him, his steps felt heavy. It took him much effort to crouch by your side, a hand hovering by your shoulder. He examined you further, and his hesitation grew. His brows furrowed upon seeing how your form would slightly jolt up now and again, a gasp for air to fill your lungs. He wouldn’t dare make your mood worse, for he knew that when you were vulnerable- one wrong move and it could send you spiraling further. Did you need him, or did you need time? He pondered, his stare so intense he could’ve sworn you’d felt it by now.

But maybe you were just that far gone, and you needed him to bring you back.

Warmth seeped into your clothes and onto your skin, his hand finally placed on your shoulder. He did not speak, but that alone gave you a tinge of comfort- yet it brought back the exact opposite of what it was supposed to bring you. You felt guilty, dreadful for even making him so worried that he personally had to come and calm you down. The man barely rested his mind and soul, yet here he was, trying to comfort you. You internally cursed at yourself for being so incompetent. So useless. Unable to do anything on your own. Why did the eternally wounded have to look after one who’s mood was swayed by the wind? You bit the insides of your mouth, wanting to cry louder.

“Look at me.”

You couldn’t lift your head.

“Listen to me.”

You could barely hear him.

A sigh left him. Not out of annoyance, but of mild concern. But to you, it sounded that he was irritated. Irritated that you didn’t comply, and that what you were doing was irrational, stupid. It never was that way but…your mind deceives. And it continued to do that. You buried your head further into your arms, tilting you head away from the presence of the swordsman. You didn’t dare look at him. You couldn’t bare to meet his eyes, not when you felt this way.

He stared. His mind was racking itself for answers, for things to do to help you. His hand left your shoulder, the lingering warmth fading into nothingness. Your body grew colder, even, at the loss of his touch. You thought he upped and left. But you were wrong.

His arm ducked beneath your knees, another behind your back as he lifted you gently, effortlessly. His sudden movements startled you greatly, a yelp almost leaving your lips. Yet you said nothing, the feeling that was plaguing you keeping your silence.

In that one swift movement, you were now perched atop his lap, his hand that was previously under your legs now by your head. You found solace in his touch, warmth melting away at what used to fill the contents of your mind. It was like a miracle. He was a miracle.

He carefully urged for you to rest against his chest, your ear right above his heart. Somehow, such soft rhythmic sound slowly eased the torment in your mind and soul.

The rain was loud. Your thoughts were louder, but the beating of his heart was loudest of all.

[saibug1022]

Love, I See You Now

Word Count: 1.1k

Aerin Valleros x Asterin Nightbloom (m!elf!mc), background mentions of Asterin x Tyril and Asterin x Mal

A/N: Everyone say thank you to @gretchen-nightbloom for their post on Aerin's shadow form and @oh-so-youre-a-nerd being the one to find and send me the post. Also it is late and I am tired so this is unedited. If you see a typo no you don't. Title from Underground but Cody Fry

Slash. Strike. Block. Roll. Arrow. Bind. Roll. Shatter.

The battle for the Whitetower Rift was in full swing and Asterin could barely remember a time before it nor imagine a time after. All they could focus on was the split second they were in and what they had to do next. If they got distracted for even a moment they were dead.

He rolled and fired off cleansing fire in one direction, not even watching long enough to see it hit. He brought up his staff to block a sword and lashed out with his chain, entangled the soldier's legs and yanking her down. He'd long lost track of his friends and allies. He kept slipping in blood and he didn't even know where he was injured.

As it turned out, his leg was injured. He tried to lean on his left leg to sidestep an arrow but instead a flame of white hot pain burst from his leg and he cried out. He didn't get the chance to remember why he was stepping before the arrow found its mark in his chest.

Asterin didn't even scream as he fell, only made a choked off groan. It didn't even hurt much at first, he just stared at the arrow in his chest in shock. Then the pain hit all at once, so intense he couldn't cry out, only whimper as it overwhelmed his senses.

“ASTERIN!” A voice called his name and Asterin almost dismissed it as a hallucination. It sounded like Aerin but it was echoing, like a chorus of whispers repeated his every word.

A soldier appeared above him as his vision washed in and out. He could only make out the sword the soldier held from how it glinted in the sun. The soldier raised the sword and Asterin felt tears gather in his eyes.

He'd failed.

Asterin made one single mistake and now he was losing everything. Any chance to heal. Any chance to go on true adventures instead of desperate quests. Any chance to rebuild things with Aerin. He was losing Tyril and Mal and any life he could have had with them. He was losing Imtura and Nia. He was leaving Kade alone.

He didn't want to die…

Suddenly the air dropped so drastically Asterin could feel the frost on his armor. The sunlight seemed to be edged with violet.

Then a bolt of pure darkness armed right over Asterin and slammed into the chest of the ashen soldier about to kill him. Asterin's vision was still fading but as he tried to focus it he caught glimpses of a fight and the suffocating feeling of Shadow Magic. For a brief moment he wondered if Valax saw him fall and had betrayed her mother to save him.

But when Asterin's vision cleared it wasn't Valax kneeling down next to him. It was Aerin. Not as Asterin knew him now. His skin was gray with black veins cutting across it like cracks. His eye were a familiar silver that chilled Asterin to the bone. It was exactly how he'd looked when he'd betrayed them all to the Shadow Court, when he sacrificed Nia, when he nearly killed Asterin.

Aerin reached for him but Asterin flinched away, trying to put distance between them. He was already in so much pain, the agony alone would suffocate him. He didnt know what Shadow Aerin would do but his addled brain didnt care. He just didnt want to hurt anymore.

“No, it's okay,” Aerin spoke, his voice gentle but frantic like one would speak to an injured animal. Asterin supposed that was what he was. “Please, stop moving, you'll only hurt yourself.”

“And you won't?” Asterin tried to scoff but instead his words came out slurred and breathless.

“Of course I won't,” Aerin promised. “I swore to you I would never hurt you again. But you're seriously hurt in the midst of a massive battle, I need to get you to a medic.”

“A medic?” Asterin hummed. It was loud like one would expect to find in a battle. And he supposed he did need a medic. He did have an arrow in his chest. “Nia's a medic. Let's find Nia.”

“Perfect,” Aerin nodded and came to Asterin's side.

This time the elf didn't flinch away and let Aerin scoop him up. Normally he'd wonder where Aerin's shadow form came from and how he was able to pick up Asterin, but all Asterin could focus on was the whimper he let out as the wound was shifted. It was only worse as Aerin started running.

“AH!” Asterin cried, reflexively curling around himself. “Stop, stop it hurts, please.”

“Soon, stay strong for me Asterin,” Aerin promised.

“You promised you wouldn't hurt me anymore,” Asterin whimpered, but every step Aerin took sent shockwaves of pain through Asterin's entire system. Aerin made a face like someone had burned him, tears making his dulled skin sparkle.

Asterin was shifted once more and the agony that washed over him was like nothing he could have ever imagined. He heard a scream but he couldn't be sure if it was from him or the battle. His vision completely blacked out and he would have let the darkness take him if not for a cold hand taking his.

“Asterin, please, please open your eyes,” Aerin's voice pleaded. He liked Aerin. “You're stronger than this. You're the strongest person I've ever known. You won't let all this end to a stray arrow. Open your eyes, darling, please.”

His eyes were closed? He opened them again and saw Aerin amidst a cloud of white and gold. The gray was fading from his skin as he gripped Asterin's hands in both of his. He looked beautiful. So beautiful. With the shadow or without he would always be beautiful because he was Aerin.

“Shadow…?” Asterin wondered, his thoughts not quite making it to his mouth.

“I thought it was gone,” Aerin admitted. “But when I saw you on the ground and heard you scream something came over me. It was an anger and fear I'd never felt before and it brought forth whatever traces of Shadow Magic were left in me.”

“You're okay?” Asterin asked. “Still my Aerin?”

“Of course,” Aerin swore and squeezed Asterin's hand. “I'll always be your Aerin.”

“Good,” Asterin muttered. “I lo’ my Aerin…”

There was more to say, it was on the tip of his tongue. But he couldn't find the strength to form the words. He thought he could hear Nia now and there was something bright but Asterin was too tired to look. He tried to fight the darkness like Kade always did for him, he really tried, but his head lulled and his eyes fell shut.

“Asterin, no, open your eyes, ASTERIN!”

Eventually he couldn't open them again.

[tamurilofrivendell]

Trial By Proximity | Thranduil/Reader

summary: Reader has been brought before Thranduil in the throne room to answer for some crime they committed. They're feeling argumentative and Thranduil is amused and intrigued by their bravery stupidity.

written using a prompt from this list - “I’ll kill you if you touch me.”

read on ao3

a/n: listen, this took on a life of its own lmao. no real warnings but I guess it might have tiptoed towards the border of almost-steamy-ish, I really don’t know.

You had been brought before the King of The Woodland Realm to answer for your supposed crimes. The argument that had ensued had been unexpected to all in the room, especially the king if the flash of surprise you thought you’d seen cross his expression was anything to go by. It seemed he had expected you to simply wilt beneath his hard gaze and acquiesce to his every word.

Never.

"I'll kill you if you touch me." Slipped from your mouth in a hiss as you stared up at the statue-like figure of the king on his throne. He sat high above you, chin held high, face impassive. Your words had stemmed from his threat to grab you by the arm and personally drag you to the dungeons hismself and throw away the key.

His gaze pinned you in place as a suffocating silence descended over the room. The guards shifted uneasily but you held firm, keeping your head up and your shoulders back, refusing to yield. Something flickered in his eyes as he looked back. Curiosity? Amusement? It wasn’t there long enough for you to figure out what it was but you could swear that the ghost of a smirk had started to tug at the corners of his lips as he stared at you.

Rising gracefully from his throne, Thranduil dismissed everyone else in the room with a gentle flick of his wrist. The guards could barely believe it but they also knew that their king was well equipped to protect himself in the event of a fight, and you were unarmed. You heard the shuffling of feet rushing to do their king’s bidding and leave the room but your gaze was locked together with Thranduil’s own as he began his slow descent down the steps. His hands were clasped behind his back as he closed the distance between you both.

You could clearly see now that, yes, he was definitely smirking.

“You will kill me?” His deep voice filled the room, echoing around you as a gentle mirth sparkled in his eyes. He was amused by you. Where most withered beneath his gaze, you stood tall. Defied him. It was foolish, stupid. It was also curious, intriguing.

“Yes.” You stared him down, though now that you were so close to him it was difficult not to become slightly enthralled. His voice, his eyes, his hair, his scent. He was entirely overwhelming but you reminded yourself why you were here in the first place. Reminded yourself that he was paranoid and distrusting. He was cold, he was cruel. He refused to listen to reason. You would not allow yourself to be enamoured by something so simple as his appearance. You would not fall under his spell.

Thranduil’s smirk widened slightly as he looked down his nose at you. He had moved closer, into your personal space, tilting his head just slightly as he regarded you. His hair fell down his broad chest in a wave of starlight and some distant part of you wanted to run your fingers through it, wondering if it was as soft as it looked.

“How, prescisely--” He spoke again, voice of velvet blanketing you, as he started moving. Pacing slowly around you like a wolf circling its prey before going in for the kill. “--would you expect to manage such a feat?” You found yourself overly aware of every single movement he made, forcing yourself not to look at him as he journeyed around you, looking you up and down.

Thranduil reappeared in your peripheral vision, a silver and green blur before he suddenly bent down, leaning in towards you. His nose was inches from your own and you could practically feel his body hovering in the slight space that still lingered between the both of you. His eyes studied every minute movement of your expression, the twitch at the corner of your eye, the nearly imperceptible quiver of your lips.

He was much closer now, far too close, yet he was not touching you. It seemed that he was going to incredible lengths to move as close to you as humanly possible without making any sort of actual physical contact whatsoever. His expression had brightened almost imperceptibly as he moved back to your front to face you and you looked back at him, taking in the unexpected situation you had somehow found yourself in.

He was playing with you.

You lifted your chin defiantly, scowling at him, which only seemed to amuse him more. He shifted ever closer, leaning down again just a little, his nose once more just before your own... he hovered in the space in front of you, gaze briefly roaming over your face as he took in your expression, like he was trying to read you. To see what effect he was having on you.

Your breath had caught in your throat as he came so close and any other clever comebacks you might have had disappeared before you could throw them his way. You swallowed thickly, watching a grin start to tug at his lips as he became more aware of your discomfort.

“Well...?” He pressed, raising one eyebrow to the sky as he dared you to answer his previous question, to continue your tirade against him. Frustratingly, you opened your mouth and still nothing came. A low chuckle rumbled in his chest at your speechlessness, well aware of the effect his little game was having, as he somehow leaned even closer. You could feel his breath mingling with your own as he stood, lips close enough to yours that you could have tilted your head just slightly and touched them with your own...

Stop it, you chastised yourself. He would not enchant you.

Thranduil shifted in front of you and your heart was hammering in your chest with a ferocity that had you thinking you could faint any second. How he was doing it you would never know, it felt like there was no space left between you both at all and yet he was still... not... touching... you.

However, this time you started moving too, stepping backwards away from him. It was entirely out of your control as you didn’t want to give him the satisfaction but you were unable to stop yourself. He followed you, his smirk only growing as his gaze stayed fixed upon your face, taking in every flicker that passed across your expression.

Suddenly, you came to a stop, and your eyes widened. Your back connected with the hard surface of one of the intricate pillars that stretched from floor to ceiling. There was nowhere else for you to go. Thranduil stopped when you did, having followed your entire retreat across the floor. You could feel the heat radiating off his body and you could smell the heady scent of him. The two things combined threatening to completely overwhelm you.

He was still not touching you.

Your gaze was locked with his own, not wanting to be the first to back down, but as the agonisingly silent seconds ticked by, it was just too much as you reached your limit. Your eyes flickered of their own accord, dropping to his mouth for just the briefest of seconds. That was all it took as another wicked grin spread across his face. You forced your gaze back up to his own, anger flaring in your expression at having lost the fight, but you had no chance to do or say anything because suddenly his lips were upon yours, his hands finally on you, fingers grasping your waist as he pressed his body up against your own.

A shiver of satisfaction ran through him as your fingers clawed at his tunic, kissing back instead of pushing him away, finally giving in.

It lasted too long and yet somehow not long enough as Thranduil suddenly let you go and stepped away, taking in the stunned sight of you as he clasped his hands behind his back once more. You were bewildered as the distance returned, and irritated by the fact that you wanted his mouth and his hands back on you.

“Now then.” He tilted his head, looking back at you with another one of those annoying, amused smirks of his. Smugness radiated off him in waves as he already knew the answer to his question. “Do you still wish to kill me?”

[lili863]

Last light

Ominis x MC

MC: *Drags Ominis up a hill,through the highlands as the sun shines in the last hours of the day*

Ominis: *Confused and stressed* MC. Are you really dragging me all the way up here? Where even are we? *the winds began to blow a gentle breeze*

MC: *smiles* A place where I come quite often. You'll like it I promise.

Ominis: *raises a brow* Is that so? You mean to say you ride your broom all the way out here away from school grounds to this place your taking me to?

MC: *laughs softly* Yes. Its not that far.

Ominis: Its far enough to make me worry. Are you sure this place is safe?

MC: Does it feel unsafe?

Ominis: *Feels the calm breezes as birds chrip around him* ...I suppose not. Where exactly are we?

MC: We're almost there.

Ominis: *frowns, trekking up in silence before worry and stress takes over him* Darling...as much as I wish to be here with you right now...I simply have too many things to get done. The owls are just around the corner, I have 3 assignments due by tonight and Sebastian has asked me to help him tonight with Professor Weasly assignment that also due tonight and I worry with the current state of things he's going to need as much help as he can get-

MC: *inhales sharply* Ominis.

Ominis: *Stops rambling*

MC: We are here.

Ominis: *Pauses and closes his eyes before taking a deep breath. The air felt crisp, the wind blew gently, and the warmth of the sun against his skin was perfect*

MC: Come on. We can sit over here.

Ominis: *curiously lets MC sit him down on a soft blanket on the ground* ..Where are we?

MC: *sighs in content* A sanctuary of sorts I guess.. where I find solace, away from the overwhelming chaos of my lif. Its a hill, a little far from hogwarts, the grass here is always soft during the summers. There is actually a big beautiful tree right above us that gives shade during early afternoons. And the sun. *Takes another deep breath* I always find the last light of the day to be perfect.

Ominis: *Reachs a hand out to feel the blanket before a smile creeps up to his face* Did you..plan this?

MC: *frowns and sighs* You need a break, Ominis. Any second longer in that suffocating that library, you would have proabably combusted.

Ominis: *Chuckles* Oh I definitely would have combusted

MC: *laughs* Well I am glad at least your aware of how crazy you've gotten the last few weeks. I dont blame you of course, but I..couldnt bare to let it go on.

Ominis: *stares at MC in worry* I am sorry dove. *Reaches forward to gently graze MC cheeks* I didnt mean to worry you.

MC: *Gazes into his hazy eyes, before reaching forward and touching the dark bags underneath* Well you did. But I know just how you can make up for it.

Ominis: *Smiles softly* And what would that be?

MC: *Her fingers slithers to the back of Ominis neck before she gently pulls him down to her lab*

Ominis: *Sighs contently before relaxing his head against her plump thighs* I dont deserve you my love.

MC: *frowns* Nonsense.

Ominis: * Closes his eyes and feels a a calm wave wash over him* This feels heavenly. Are you sure I am not dreaming?

MC: *leans down before placing a soft kiss on his forehead* No love.

*Omnis's hands glide effortlessly to the back of her head, before MC withdraw, he draws her closer as their lips collide in a passionate kiss*

*MC sighs into the kiss with a blush as Ominis kisses her with an intensity that had her struggling to keep up. MC cradles his jaw as the other weave through his hair allowing Ominis to completely surrender in her warmth *

MC: *Slowly pulls away breathless*

Ominis: *stares at her in adoration and touched* Thank you my sweet. This is all extremely kind of you.

MC: *Smiles softly* I'll feel much better if you rest. Close your eyes love. I'll let you know when its time to go *Strokes his head*

Ominis: *Eyes flutters before they close as he wraps his arms around MC's other hand close to his chest* You spoil me...

MC: *Breathily chuckles* Not nearly enough Ominis...*whispers* Sweet dreams.

Ominis: *Drifts off into the most sweetest slumber he's ever had...*

[drchenquill]

OC interaction Tag~

Thank you @illarian-rambling for the tag, this sounds like such a fun game!!!

Rules: describe an OC and pair how they would interact with the given OCs from the people who tagged you!

Katie's OC: Twenari is an adolescent girl (12 in the first book, 16 in the second two) with short locs and a preference for skirts over pants. She is a prodigy sorcerer and general gifted kid. Throughout her childhood, her smuggler mother used her as a source of magical security and intimidation, which eventually caused her to run away after being forced to commit one too many unsavory acts. Because of this, Twenari acts much older than she is. She's pragmatic, blunt, and strategic. However, in other ways, she's very behind the learning curve. She's painfully introverted and never learned to socialize beyond formal events. Magic is her darling and purpose. She's insatiably curious about everything, but mostly, she wants to understand all the world has to offer in the field of the arcane. She's also at a kill count of about six. That's what happens when you're constantly chased by mercenaries and have the ability to explode people with your brain.

My OC: Emil is a young boy (12 in the first story, just turned 18 in the second story I'm working on) with thick red curls that not even his mother knows how to handle. He is the only prince of the Kingdom Mousiki. He is mute from birth since his voice has been stolen by the goddess that was supposed to protect his family and his kingdom. But since being mute is such a rare, almost non-existing accurance in Mousiki or neighboring kingdoms, there are no other ways for him to communicate other then the little notepad he carries around everywhere. His parents and the people around him tend to be overbearing, that leads to him feeling suffocated, which he does not shy away from showing. He only has one friend, but he is always happy making new acquaintances and always tries his best to make everyone around him comfortable.

How they'd interact: Emil is very gentle, that's why I chose him. He would respect Twenaris boundaries, but would still try to get to know her. He is very fascinated with anything magical and would ask to see it, after getting to know her better of course. The first meeting would be very awkward, for Emil would need time to figure out how to approach without overstepping. He would try to introduce her to his world and the small knowledge he has gathered, wanting to share insights. He would be quite scared about her abilites at the beginning, but he always likes to understand before judging. He would keep her away from his only friend, knowing he would overwhelm her with uncomfortable questions, that's why the first meeting would take place in the comfort of Emils little room, where he could show proudly show her his collection of copper coins. Emil would probably look up to her a lot, being fascinated by her maturity.

Tagging for this fun little game: @njnetails, @leahnardo-da-veggie, @theeccentricraven and everyone who sees this of course~

[agentmmayy]

march + april rotation

it’s gonna be...... may finally posting the march + april rotation playlist. combining these two months since most of the music i listened to in march was off the previous rotation list!

flowers in my hair - calista garcia: sweet, slow, and syrupy. i love this song and how it feels like a breath of fresh air. it’s achingly romantic and has got me singing along and twirling my hair and kicking my feet. though, at the same time it’s so intimate i feel like i’m intruding 

back for more - nia hendricks: the usual type of slow groove beat i adore that makes me want to dance around with the love of my life. it’s just as sweet as the previous one but it feels... lonely. mournful. i’d be dancing but with a ghost

bodybag - charlotte lawrence: this song is so *clenches fist* i am obsessed with how the body bag fills in for the other person in the relationship and holds her when they can’t or refuse to! the relationship is already dead! she’s holding on! in that liminal space between resurrection and burial! also the vocals in this are insane. my favorite part is ‘she’s at the bowery bar, showed you her paper heart’ and then ‘help me hurt and then i’ll come back’ YEOW

gasp of air - lisa curtis: THIS SONG MAKES ME WANT TO SING AND SCREAM ALONG AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS!!!!!!!!! and then the lyrics slapped me across the face. ‘but i’ll stay and such ‘cause i think it’s love enough’ ‘i’m yours enough that i come back’ ‘some water if i’m lucky but i would never ask that much’ ‘what kind of person needs to breathe A HEALTHY ONE I’M SURE BUT THAT’S NOT ME’?????????? 

nothing left to give - BAILEN: ‘i wanna live i’m sick of just trying to survive’ *looks into the camera* anyway. obsessed with this band and how weird this song sounds 

kilimanjaro - dolores forever: this song and the next have me asking how songs can be this good. like. is it crack? is that what they put in these?? the music and the vocals are EVERYTHING it’s unlike anything i’ve heard recently and i’m digging it. then the harmonies?? and the lyrics???? ‘a thousand shards of glass from your silver tongue got me like a shot gun’ the way ‘i was young. you were pure ice and snow’ IS SUNG?????? WTF

labour - paris paloma: this has been my hype song for the past few weeks. the intensity of it still continues to blow my mind. it’s unapologetic and awful. it’s incredible. i felt every lyric in my gut. i don’t want to over explain it since i can’t do the song justice but it’s so brutally honest in describing and dismantling traditional roles placed upon women and girls. the entirety of it is like poking at a wound that never closes, a wound that’s been gaping and bleeding for centuries and it makes me so angry. the visceral reaction i had to the lyric ‘if we had a daughter’ girl i- ouuuuugh. i got sick to my stomach. i was screaming crying throwing up etc etc. anyway this song is a masterpiece. still haven’t recovered from it. also it’s a fucking bop. 

bad blood - trousdale: another banger for the books!! trousdale always delivers these perfect harmonies and this time it’s a fantastic, bitter song but that’s not the only element! there’s indifference and confusion and acceptance! there’s healing! and the repetition of anyway *patcha holding earbuds meme* perfection

all the love - katie gregson-macleod: katie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! how am i supposed to live laugh love in these conditions!!!!!!!! this one is SO SAD. i ache each time i listen to it. it doesn’t apply to romantic love but all other types of love and what happens when you lose it and how you deal with that loss. the grief is so thick it’s almost suffocating but as always the way she sings is enough for it to not be overwhelming. every lyric hits but the combination of her voice with ‘but i’d rather do that in bed alone’ is my favorite  

BONUS: here are a few stray songs that didn’t quite fit in the narrative but i wanted to share them anyway :)

far and wide - WILDES: doesn’t quite fit the narrative, but it’s a good follow up to all the love. it’s toned down more and easier to get lost in, but still woven with the running strand of grief that makes it sorrowful. once again, back at it with the yearning 

ava - famy: this song had me by the throat the first time i heard it in teen wolf and it still does. chewing glass over the switch between ‘this world is primal’ + ‘this world is rabid’ to ‘this world is pure’ + ‘this world is learning’  and ‘my conscious burning, my beastly flaw’ 

[tem60]

may i request a kakyoin x gender neutral reader where they're in a big crowd, which makes reader feel overwhelmed and break down?? would really appreciate :]

such a sweet request.. I hope what I've written meets your expectations, it was truly fun to write so I did extend it a bit! Sorry it took me a while to reply tho:')

also sorry if it's confusing anyhow! English isn't my first language

Kakyoin Noriaki x gender neutral reader - "eyes are the mirror of one's soul"

contains: mentions of panic attack and two idiots in love

word count: ~2,3k

Travelling from Hong Kong to Singapore was pretty amazing considering the views. Although the Crusaders didn't have much time to enjoy themselves, thankfully it was enough to notice different beautiful landscapes. Many stand users has been fought, including Jean-Pierre who joined you on your adventure to defeat that Dio guy, wherever he might be. Somehow this trip didn't feel as deadly as it should be with all those men fighting for the same goal (mostly) in their own goofy ways.

Departure from Singapore to India was supposed to be no different, similar even. Just as Avdol said - we're going to love this country. It was indeed lovely, all those interesting people, change of cultures, truly everything! Some could've find it inconvenient. Some will say it's an amazing country, full of a lifetime story, a must to visit. But to you it felt like a torture. You didn't have much time to think about anything else since the time you guys have been noticed by civilians - they swarmed you like moths to light.

It was even suffocating, being squished between all those people who were constantly shouting at you about purchasing some of the items they wished to sell or if you had any money on you. You did hear however, that someone has stolen Noriaki's wallet and Polnareff's cursing about them touching his belongings. People around the crusade guided you away from the crew - at least you felt that way. You were almost lost, all those people pulling you further and further away from everyone with no chance of running and saving yourself. Feeling small and vulnerable your breath started to speed up, same goes to your heartbeat. Fighting stand users wasn't as terrifying as being left in such an enormous crowd of people with no time to take a breath nor a place to move around freely. It was overwhelming, you were almost frozen in place. Tears started to spill from your eyes without even you noticing it, it was so chaotic, clearly too much for you to handle.

You heard a noise, was it someone screaming your name? You couldn't tell because of the panic you felt at this moment, you did recognise that voice, yet your brain couldn't register what was truly going on. Everything seemed to be more overwhelming with each passing second, all those noises mixing into one huge sound that hurt your head like never before. Only then a hand has been put on your shoulder, it wasn't as greedy as other people's surrounding you. You did flinch at that sudden touch though, but once you saw the face of the person this hand belonged to - everything seemed to somehow quiet down.

Kakyoin. It was Kakyoin who screamed your name seconds before. You saw sincere concern in his eyes, even if his hand was squished by people gathered around - he still somehow reached to you and tried to bring you back on Earth. You haven't noticed how you started shaking and when exactly did it start, but seeing his face brought some sort of comfort to your heart even if you still felt overwhelmed. Words started to finally make sense in your head.

"Y/N's here! I've found them!" Noriaki informed probably other fellow crusaders to let them know your location. He started jostling between people to be by your side, he even increased his tone of voice to let them know what he's up to and that it's an emergency. When he had the chance he grabbed your arm and began to pull you away from the crowd following the path that Hierophant Green made to once again meet other crusaders. It was clear that he didn't say much to you in this moment, his first reaction was to get you away from that crowd as fast as possible.

Once you've reached the end of this chaos, you sat somewhere - doesn't matter where nor did you care to acknowledge it - trying to calm yourself down. Taking deep breaths that unfortunetly left a burning sensation in your lungs, you tried to take your time but it was still not enough. Noriaki sat right next to you giving you some wellneeded space, but his hand found it's way behind your back and was simply left there to let you know that he's here. You appreciated this gesture feeling content with having him so close. Even between having a panic attack you felt grateful for it, you knew he cared and tried to help.

"How are you feeling, Y/N? What happened?" he started to rub your back and looked at you straight in the eyes to know what has made you react like this. Of course he wasn't stupid, he did assume that you had a panic attack but probably he had never dealt with it himself, or so ypu thought, that might be the reason why he's being so patient - waiting for your answer even if it took you ages to reply. Caring enough to run back into the crowd of people who previously has stolen his wallet. Having it so clearly highlighted you started to blush a bit and tried to shoo your tears away, feeling anxious about being so scared of crowds, it was rather embarrassing.

"..I'm.. not sure but uh,.. no, I don't know, I'm sorry-"

"There's no need to say sorry, it's fine. You got me really worried.. US, I meant us.. everyone was afraid that someone could've attacked you" his words only made butterflies in your stomach fly around and make you blush even harder. You felt vulnerable with him and yet felt as if you shouldn't be because of the panic attack you just had. But the feeling of being overwhelmed seemed to have only one cure for it. That was to relax, and you felt truly relaxed right next to him. You caught feelings for the red-head teenager. Who wouldn't? He was really sweet and polite but wasn't afraid of showing his real side with those he trusts most. He's the type to joke around a bit, make ironic comments, bully Polnareff just for the fun of it in a friendly manner, there's much more to him than he thinks.

Being lost in thoughts you forgot to answer him, so after some time you simply nodded at his words and made a shaky sigh fly out of your lips.

"I hate crowds, especially if they expect something from me.. it's so frustrating, my head pulsates from all that ruckus" while having this sentence escape your mouth you hugged yourself and scooting closer to him which he noticed immediately.

He simply chuckled at your admission and sat even closer to you feeling somehow consent with having you so close to him. "yeah, I've noticed, but you're safe now, just breathe and it'll be fine than ever. I'm sure some water could help, should I get some for you?."

"I'm not sure.. I'll just.. I..-" another sigh has left your lips, you felt bad for causing the crusaders trouble with such behaviour but you couldn't help it. What was one supposed to do in this situation? Being in such a suffocating place was a pain in the ass, it was unbearable and it caused you to have those negative thoughts that just never left your head. It's normal, right? Why can't anyone make this stop.

"Hey." Noriaki caught your attention by touching your shoulder again, he gave you a side hug probably because of your now shaking body from all that overthinking. Wiping away tears that highlighted your face, you started to fully focus on what he was about to do next.

You turned your head towards him and looked at his thighs, you couldn't look him in the eyes being afraid that he'll see your face in such a vulnerable moment. Although you did wish that you could show him those feelings - it was much easier said than done.

"Take it easy, don't want you to feel stressed again. I'll bring you some water, hold on."

He squeezed you tighter to himself before standing up and heading to a bar for your drink. He acted as if he knew what to do perfectly in this situation which was somehow comforting, but also concerning. Did he happen to have panic attacks before? Or maybe he had helped someone else in his past? Either way you were grateful for his time and kind gestures towards you. Your eyes followed him with when he started to get further and further away, that was when your head started spinning but not with guilt of your sudden breakdown, but the thoughts of him lingering in your mind. You felt so.. warm, thanks to him. His gestures lead you to somehow feel loved, if only he could reciprocate your feeling.. Perhaps he was just being nice? It's Kakyoin we're talking about, he's generous about what he does even if he's sometimes painfully honest with what he has in mind.

"Here. They didn't have more ice but I hope it's good enough." his voice made you realise that you've missed him making his way back to you. You took the glass he had in his hand and drank a few sips from it. "Feeling any better, pumpkin?"

You only nodded your head at his question, still feeling flustered about thoughts that were mostly about him, especially once he called you such a nickname. He gave it to you when you were teasing each other with petnames wanting to prove to Jean-Pierre and Mr. Joestar that it's not that hard to give a nickname to someone and simply stick to it. Since then it was the nickname Nori has given you himself.

He sat next to you and stared at your hands shyly. What you didn't know about was the way his heart started to pound in his chest rather fastly. His own head raced with thoughts about your well-being and how he needed to comfort you. He was good with his words with other people, but with you? He didn't know what to say, which was truly frustrating because he felt the urge to tell you much more than he already did. He found your eyes so mesmerising, even noticed how he doesn't like to see tears falling from them. Your smile? Probably his favourite thing about you, your face is so vibrant with colors and the fascination you hold towards a certain topic that you're interested in. He loved to listen to your voice, was it shy and quiet at times or if it was louder than usual - it didn't matter to him. What mattered the most was how he adored you.

"Can I do something for you? To help you calm down a bit?"

"I'm not sure.." was your hesistang reply to his questions.

"Let me at least. I want to try something." you didn't know what he had in mind, honestly Noriaki didn't know himself what he was doing but he let his instinct to kick in and took your hands in his slowly pulling them closer so they could lay on his thighs. "Pulling your head out of such thoughts might.. might be the best option, so I.. hope this will help.." he added and started to feel much more nervous than he had ever felt before. How did his voice not crack that much? He was quite impressed by this, however it was still a mystery to him.

He didn't say much after that, he just held your hands and gently rubbed them with his thumbs to feel how smooth your hands are compared to his, they felt truly godly to him. As if it lit a flame in his heart and made him automatically feel warmer inside. But it wasn't about him and his feelings, what mattered to him the most was your comfort and safety.

Your heart was pounding really hard, a thought crossed your head that maybe he could hear it loud and clear. Of course it was a silly thought, but being in love with him made this statement more exciting and a bit scary. He held you so gently you felt as if you were close to melting in his hands, even if the only direct you got from him was your knees touching and holding hands. Pink dusted both of your cheeks, same goes to Kakyoin. He felt shy like never before, he got some urges to leave your hands and forget about what just happened but he couldn't bring himself to let you go - not after you lightly squizzed his hands and smiled widely having your eyes focused down and not on his face.

"So.. did it help?" he asked shyly literally covering his face with hair noodle that was freely flying around his face when he moved. He wanted to hide his blushing cheeks yet to no avail. You nodded without hesistation this time and smiled warmly for him. Your eyes met his gorgeous lavender one's and immediately got lost in this shade of purple that made you feel inner peace and vice versa.

It felt like a true confession to him - a shy way of hinting you his feelings. Yet to you it felt like a magical moment that only happened in books. Maybe there's much more to your relationship with Nori that you had already noticed being afraid of giving yourself unreasonable hope for something more.

'I wanted to tell you something..' both of you had in mind. Both of you had intentions to finally confess to one another, yet you didn't. You wished to wait for a better opportunity to do so even if you guys were already much more than just friends judging from this somehow intimate moment you have just shared with each other. Especially while still being lost in your eyes.

Yes, it certainly felt like home. He felt like home.

[ace-the-fox]

If you still do hc requests could you do Jonah from superstore? If not I hope you have such a good day and I hope you find a 20 dollar bill AND get to keep it :)))

Omg I'd love to do Jonah from Superstore HCs!! You also sound like such a sweet person lol awww~

Jonah Simms Mpreg Headcanons

Amy realises before he does. She's been through it all before, so she realises something's up when Jonah complains of feeling nauseous for a week straight and is particularly, oddly irritable. One day she just buys him one of the store pregnancy tests without a word.

When it turns out positive though, she's immediately pretty supportive. I mean, their situations aren't exactly the same, but she knows enough about being pregnant unexpectedly, and is open to any questions he might have (yes, even the stupid ones lol)

As for Jonah himself's reaction... he's kinda numb at first. Does way more things than he usually would around the store (Glenn thinks he's just suddenly become a real overachiever, not that he was ever lazy or anything, and tells him to keep up the good work lol) just to not think about the fact there is a tiny life the size of a jellybean inside of him right now. Freaks out a little when he goes home. He's a business school drop out stuck working as a store assistant. How's he supposed to take care of a baby??? It takes a week of thinking about it for him to finally grow accepting of, and then affectionate towards, the idea lol.

He's pretty chillaxed about announcing it though. Just sort of mentions it in conversation to most of his coworkers, as a "head's up." They either have a "oh! Congratulations" reaction or match his energy with a "cool, good luck" lol

Glenn is weirdly (and yet also almost expectedly) more happy for Jonah than Jonah himself. Is almost suffocating with how often he lets Jonah know how happy he is for him and that he can always give advice if needed... Can't improve Jonah's maternity leave though :/ (America lol)

His worst symptom, all throughout his pregnancy, is the fatigue. He is barely staying awake at work, God bless him. He also gets really bad back pain :(

Because of this, Garett will sometimes let him skive of working to sit with him at the microphone, get him off his feet... Jonah has napped there more than once lmao.

Cheyanne let him babysit for her once as a "trial run." It really just proved to overwhelm him a little bit more though lol (bit late for that now buddy!)

He's still annoying, to the others, as hell while pregnant. Except now he's quoting pregnancy and baby articles to everyone <3

[baby-girl-e]

Cruel Summer part 1

Characters - Rooster x f!Reader, Penny 

Summary - You finally break out of your suffocating small town, and find your next adventure in a certain fighter pilot

Word Count - 1.5k

Warnings - fluff, serious conversations, unspecified trauma

A/N - This is my first fic in a VERY long time, so please be kind. This chapter is a bit slow, but I needed to set up the story well enough. Another thing I should mention, the reader is very much based on myself, and my own life experiences so if something isn’t super relatable I’m really glad tbh!

Growing up in a small town where everyone knew everyone was both helpful, and extremely unhelpful. For example, you left your garage door open? Someone is there to close if for you. However, if you mess up even a little bit? Everyone also knows. Just graduating from high school you couldn't afford much more than to go to the local college and live at home. There's no shame in it, truly, you just always felt like you were destined for more than a psychology degree and a minor in dance. The only reason you didn't major in dance was because you wanted to be a dancer. Not just teach it. You had danced from ages 3 to 15 in a studio before you made the high school team and captained it your senior year. Through your four years of college you danced on the college team and competed in cities across the country, and the occasional trip to dance in a few festivals across Europe. This was your only escape from the mind numbingly simple life you lead at home. So after graduation when you were given the opportunity to be a regular performer at some touristy restaurant in San Diego, you took it without a second thought. 

That's what brought you here, the Hard Deck bar, stuck in the doorway unable to fully enter. You’d never truly spent much time in a bar back home, sheltered and squashed by your parents' religious views and the general lack of bars in your area. You rub your hands on your jean shorts and force  yourself to take a step in. You were immediately overwhelmed by the sheer volume of people there, but you pushed further in and made a b-line for an open chair at the bar near a window. Once you had sat down you made quick work of finding your exits and sussing out any imminent threats, a habit you have yet to kick from a particularly traumatic experience. After you had done a good 360 degree look about, you started to settle. All too soon a woman from behind the bar approached you. “What can I get you hun?” she seemed nice and approachable, so you decided to enlist her help on what you should do. “I've uh… never actually been to a bar before? What do you recommend?” she let out an amused laugh and smiled at you. “I'll get you a light beer to start and we can go from there yeah?” you nod your appreciation and hope for the best. When she returns to the bar she introduces herself as a woman named Penny. “Nice to meet you Penny, i’m Y/N.” Penny shakes your hand, “you’re not from around here are you?” You feel your cheeks start to heat up, not just from the hot California sun somehow making its way into the bar. “Is it that obvious?” she just laughs at you before leaning in close. “I”ll let you in on a little secret, most of the people here are Navy pilots or somehow related to one. And I'm almost certain that it's a requirement to drink over there.” you suppose that’s good to know, given that you’ve already seen more Navy men and women then you have civilians. You figured that moving somewhere nicknamed ‘Fightertown USA’ wouldn’t be too bad to get used to given the fact that you lived a mere 30 minutes from a major Air Force base back home. You are starting to discover huge differences between the two military branches. You’re thrown back to the present when you hear loud laughing and talking coming from the entrance. “Speak of the devil, here comes some of the best ones. Good luck Y/N.” You weren't entirely sure what that was supposed to mean but you figured you were going to find out sooner or later. 

Later came incredibly fast as a man wearing a Hawaiian shirt approached you. You were immediately overwhelmed once more, but this time it was just him at fault. He was easily one of the most attractive men you had ever seen, but it was his confident but goofy energy you immediately picked up on. “Haven’t seen you around here before, you new here?” wow, you needed to check up on what kind of vibe you were giving off, that's two now. “Yeah, I’m doing a bang up job of hiding it huh?” he laughs into his beer and nods. “Well in all honesty you don’t truly want to fit in here.” you look at him quizzically and he clarifies. “We navy folk are a bit of an odd bunch. Having the most dangerous job in the world means you have to be an idiot to do it voluntarily. So,” he gestures to the rest of the rowdy crowd, “here are your idiots.” you laugh a good hearty laugh you hadn’t heard from yourself in years. 

You glance at the ‘idiots’ he mentioned and couldn’t help but smile. They seemed carefree and happy, even with the looming threat of death on them every time they go to work. “I don’t know, maybe less idiotic and more… sure of themselves. Nobody who is unsure of themselves risks their life for someone else's.” He’s taken back by your response, expecting you to agree with him. “What's your name miss confidence?” Outside of the stage you have never been described as confident, but this man seems to have other plans for you. “I’m Y/N. What's your name, Navy guy?”  He introduces himself as 'Rooster’ but quickly back tracks at your confused look. “That’s my callsign, sorry force of habit. My real name is Bradley.” Most Bradley's you knew went by brad, and totally acted like it. This one? He seemed very un “brad” like. “Well it's very nice to meet you, Rooster.” 

“So, what brings you out here miss Y/N?” You almost missed his question, distracted by his mustache. You were really hoping to see what it felt like against your lips at some point. “I’m here for work. I’m a dancer at that new restaurant downtown.” his eyes bulge slightly, not expecting to hear that. “Oh, the ‘WaterFront’? I had no idea it was a dinner and a show type of thing.” you nod, the place hadn’t had their first show yet, just dinner for the time being. “Yeah we haven’t had our big opening show yet, that’s next week.” You chat for a while about your show, and your past. It felt extremely easy to talk to this man, conversation flowing easily between you. He told you a little bit about why he was here, and his past.  You learned he had just finished a mission that almost claimed both his and his captain's life. 

“That's terrifying Rooster. Does that happen a lot???” You have no idea how this man goes to work everyday, knowing that it could be his last. “I guess that depends, we aren’t going on crazy dangerous missions everyday. However, just getting into a jet is risky. Anything could go wrong.” you never thought of it that way. You always assumed that they were always fighting something. He senses your unease and shifts a little closer. “What about you Y/N? Any crazy adventures?” The subject change is welcomed, but you wish it had been any other subject. “I don't know, nothing quite compares to being a fighter pilot. He just shakes his head and puts on what looks like a pained but genuine smile. “Honestly, the times in my life that I have been the most scared, were the ones on solid ground. Everyone is entitled to be scared, whether that's dodging bullets in the sky or driving down the road. Scary is scary.” It made you a little sad to think how this man had become so wise in what seemed to be his young life. He seemed so emotionally mature for his age, it was refreshing. “Well, I moved here from my small sheltered town. I have traveled before, but I’m just now getting to make my own decisions outside of my parents. I’m searching for who I really am and that's just petrifying.” Roosters' eyes never leave yours for a second while you speak. He seems mesmerized by what you’re telling him. His expression changes as you finish into one that can only read trouble. “How would you feel about doing some soul searching? I know a place, if you trust me.” You had only met this man maybe an hour ago, but you feel like you could trust him with your life. Alarms are going off in your head as you scoot closer to him and say, “Absolutely.” 

[hoodiehydra]

Family comfort fics jskskdskjds

Idk maybe an Andro Bros fic (bc there aren't enough of those in the world ngl) where Agoti has to be the one comforting Aldryx

Aldryx blames himself for what happened to them and Agoti needs to reassure him otherwise

YES

Oh my gosh this was almost 1.2K words I am not even joking wth-

Warnings: none. No swearing at all, this is pure angsty comfort.

I put all my big sibling thoughts and feelings into this. This is sometimes how I feel towards my siblings, and I wish my sister would understand how much I care. But- you know, I don’t think she would ever know. This is just the tip of the iceberg.

—————

I’m back, and I’m here to stay.

It’s been a year.

A year.

Yeah.

And in that year, everything changed.

A year since what, though?

Agoti’s return.

Even after that one year, it still hadn’t gone back to normal. At least, to Aldryx. The poor guy was not sitting in his room, crying over the past events during the two years of Agoti’s no-longer-mysterious disappearance. Oh, how he wanted to kill the Dearests so badly… he really would, he, in fact, could. So, what’s stopping him?

Geography. And also a whole load of self-loathing and guilt. He hated feeling this way, but he couldn’t help it. Choking out hushed sobs and tears, he was huddled up in his covers, trying to find warmth and comfort in a piece of fabric. It was all so overwhelming, his thoughts just up in his mind’s personal space. It was suffocating.

He felt so useless when his little brother was gone, he couldn’t do anything, and he knew that. He knew all his contributions had no use in the investigations. At that time, all they could assume was that he was dead. Gone, and without a single trace. Those two years were the worst ones ever. Never seeing his brother again, and he couldn’t help at all, it should have been him. At least, then, he wouldn’t worry about his brother. He would have been safe. Why him?

Sighing softly at how pathetic he felt then, he wiped the last of his tears dry. Can’t have his brother or father worrying, after all.

Grimacing, he stayed in his room, hoping that he would finally be left alone from his thoughts for a while. He needed some space to breathe. But no, all he was thinking was: you let this happen… it should have been you. You are useless, maybe next time you should be the one to be captured. Maybe then no one would need to worry, huh?

Hatred consumed him as the horrid thoughts invaded his mind. He knew they weren’t true, everyone would still worry about him. Especially Agoti. It wouldn’t help anyone but himself to ease off the pain.

But that little part that always was the reason for his self doubt, never gave him an easy time. The words got louder and louder, and he believed them. He believed those toxic words plaguing his mind and it only hurt him more. The feeling was sickening, overwhelming. He didn’t feel like he could turn to anyone about it. He’s the big brother, the strong one, the pillar for his brother. This wasn’t his role. No… he couldn’t be weak. He couldn’t allow himself to feel that small vulnerability, even for a moment. No. He always acted strong, even if he was breaking inside. He couldn’t face the fact that yes, he was not perfect. He has feelings. Valid ones. But it felt so weird to open up, to show how soft or vulnerable you could be, especially to those you were supposed to be strong for.

He hated the feeling in general. It was sickening, awful, it made him feel so anxious and spiteful of his own feelings.

Damn you, emotions and feelings.

Still tangled up in the silk, the background noise was drowned out in his thoughts— funny, the background noise was always someone screaming, didn’t matter who. And yet, he couldn’t hear them. The one time he wished he could hear the noise, and he couldn’t. Talk about awful timing.

Aldryx quietly wept in the room, but he wasn’t the quietest crier. He did have a low volume, but maybe those with sharp hearing could pick up some sounds.

Agoti… his hearing was incredibly sharp. As in, I-can-hear-the-neighbours-arguing-next-door kinda sharp.

At first, Agoti ignored the little weeps for his brother’s privacy. He knew what Aldryx was going through, without asking. It was a special bond the brothers shared, they knew each other so well, even behind closed doors, they could sense what the others was going through.

The more Agoti left his brother alone, however, the longer Aldryx stayed in the room, locked up.

Agoti hated how his brother felt about himself, because it was not at all true. Not even in the slightest.

Finally, he decided to do something about it.

Quietly shuffling towards the door, he gently knocked thrice on the hollow, wooden door.

Aldryx stiffened at the sudden sound, but he already knew who it was and what it meant. Agoti knew.

There was no point in hiding it anymore, he could try to deny it, but what was the point? Agoti knows. If he knows, there is no doubt Solazar knew, but… he would definitely open up to his brother more. It wasn’t that he was mad at Sol or anything, it was just easier to open up to someone nearer his age. Besides, Sol was probably a millennia older than him.

With a soft ‘click’, Aldryx slid open the door for his little brother, but he made a point to cover his face, or his eyes, with the blanket. Agoti made his way in, while Aldryx laid back down on the bed, now soaked with his tears. It was very hot, he was sweating. But it also felt really cold, freezing actually. He didn’t exactly know how to feel about it.

He gave up hiding himself. Why hide when everyone knows the truth?

“I’m guessing this is about my kidnapping?” Agoti asked.

Hesitating, Aldryx nodded.

“And you think this is your fault?” Agoti continued.

Again, Aldryx nodded. Shoot, he didn’t think Agoti would be this specific.

“Look, big brother. I know you were scared when I was gone. I will never know how you felt, and that’s fine. You don’t have to explain, but I’m back. I’m back, and I am here to stay. I will never leave you. I won’t understand how you feel, because I have not gone through what you went through. But I’m here, you can always talk to me. Okay? Stop hiding. It’s been a year, let’s stay as close as we can. I know it’s difficult for you, because it is for me too. But none of this is your fault. Listen to me. None of it is your fault. Fuck the Dearests. It’s them. You did all you could, and I appreciate you for that. Thank you, big brother, for all you did. Thank you.” Agoti murmured.

Whatever Agoti had said had finally caused Aldryx’s thoughts to go silent. It was all quiet. Finally, he was at peace. Both sighed with relief that Aldryx had stopped panicking.

Aldryx looked down, thinking about what Agoti had said, when the younger brother leapt towards Aldryx and hugged him, holding him in a warm and comforting embrace. Aldryx quickly wrapped his arms around his brother, returning the affection, while Agoti’s tail coiled around Aldryx’s now no longer shaking figure.

He was calm.

Agoti was back.

And he was not leaving them again.

And from the open doorway, Solazar softly smiled at the two brothers, happy that Aldryx was now soothed.

They were finally reunited, and nothing would tear them apart again.

—————

GOODBYE THIS WAS SO MUCH WTH 😭😭😭

WELL I HOPE YOU ENJOYED IT

[sixshotsofespressoinabigcup]

I'm here for about a week, feeding soley on GO materials and now I feel like someone whose late to the party for a blasted decade really. Saying it's a ride would be the understatment of the century. It is such a ride if the thing can be manifested into a rollercoaster it would surpass the ride of death.

A good one though, we seems to reclaim all the verbs, nouns, adjectives and so on for the word faggot, the word refering to the seeding structure of plants became reference for the pinnacle of homosexuality. I'm so overwhelmed to the point I pulled a Daivd Tennant(the eggplant emoji saga) the first time I saw the show being discribed as "fruity" and the leads are "fagging it up" by go on with an internal "What's that suppose to mean" blabber before realizing I should maybe consult urban dictionary for that.

Even though I still haven't figure out how exactly the tag system works, I still adores this place and especially the crowd here. I can openly be in the LGBTQIA+ community without weird side glances, people use pronouns with no fuss, the atmosphere doesn't reek of patirarchy superiority complex, misogyny and casual sexism nonsense. Views are exchanged, arts are made, discussing domestic politics are safe and no one will tell you to shut up and it's fine if we are on different sides, I thank the heavens sex is just sex here it's not some diabolical rituals that can't be shown or discussed. Also I have yet to encouter any kind of cencorship while I worried about the "we will muffle you for the most trivial reason and we will muffle you so hard you'll choke but you're gonna like it" kind of cencorship I need to constantly worry about back in that bottomless pit or aka chinese internet. The show and its fandom somehow...stood out. It's a big hit around the globe while being so unapologetically queer. I've seen the queerbait then no-homo thing played out so often I almost refused to believe there are other canon screen romances other than the cishet options. Here comes Good Omens, standing out unapologetically in that traffic like a black vintage Bentley going 90mph unapologetically in central London.

It feels good. It feels like to breath again after a long time, didn't know you were suffocating until the moment you do.

In all honesty, I only initially felt like someone who's late to the party, I feel like some interstellar refugee who just landed on a brand new planet later. I expect it to be just as barren and devestated as home because after years and years of futile searching you just forget how to be optimistic again.

I am most pleasantly suprised.

I can really sum this whole thing up by "Close Autocratic-Regime-Controlled internet is blasphemous SHIT and after practically Shawshanked myself out into the open with a VPN and get to live in it a bit I start to dispise that pile of pustulant blasphemous shit even more" but no, I deserved my rant, you guys deserved the praise.

[macyqwrites]

credit to @yvesdot for this template!

happy almost new year! 2022 was the first year in a very long time that i consistently wrote every month, so i'm excited to look back on it! my writing this year was dominated by my latest wip, next day after dawn, including both canonverse content and a lot of stupid au bullshit <3

details under the cut!

january

in january i was still very much in dearer than a friend mode after finishing the first draft in november, but with no progress to make on the book itself i ended up writing some speculative post-canon (and very non-canon) nonsense involving preston getting into a terrible terrible relationship with another man. this one was a collab with @inkgel for which we definitely wrote a sane and normal amount of content

It’s not that he intended for this to happen. But the truth has been bubbling up for so long now, and eroding him a little more each time it does, wearing away at whatever remains of his willpower, his sense of himself, his belief that he has anything left to lose. And he’s already damned. He knows that deep down. He could repent, he supposes. Maybe God would forgive him. But Val won’t. He doesn’t really see the point. And it’s because of that too. Because he’s alone now, in a way he never has been, never could have been for the past eleven years of his life, because he always had someone who was supposed to be his. He’s not sure how he’s supposed to forget it when it feels like a piece of him has been ripped out, leaving a gaping wound that throbs and bleeds and refuses even to begin to heal. So he has to find someone to fill it, even if they don’t fit quite right.

february

in february i was mostly focused on my classes, but that did involve reading paradise lost and briefly getting very fixated on eve. i wrote less than two pages of this, but i was having fun with some dialogue between eve and satan. it was interesting to try to figure out what the pov of someone so ignorant of the world might look like

“Are you an angel?” I ask. That creature that he is talking to as I am talking to you. I do not really know what an angel is. He would not let me listen with him so it could be explained to me. But I know that an angel is something greater than me, and you are greater than me, but you are not Him, so I think maybe that is right. “I was an angel,” you say. “Was?” “I don’t know if I can explain it to you.” I feel something when you say that, something that I have no name for, but I know it is something that is bad to feel. Frustration, I think. I am good at naming things. I am as good as him. Sometimes I wish that He had left some of the animals for me to name too, but that is something that is bad to wish.

march

in march i decided i needed to get out of endlessly spinning dtaf mode. i also read gtn and remembered how much i love ensemble casts. and lo and behold, next day after dawn was born. this was one of the very first scenes i wrote, between mona and her mother austra when mona is (spoilers) experiencing life threatening illness moments. their mother/daughter dynamic is everything to me

“Don’t lie,” she said, and tried not to think about the fact that she sounded more than a little like she was begging. “Don’t—Selene can’t lie for shit, and she told me everything was fine, but she probably just wanted to avoid a difficult conversation, probably thought it was for the best, because she’s an idiot, but if you lie—” The room felt suffocating, stuffy and overly hot. She was suddenly viscerally aware of the sticky dampness of sweat beneath her shirt, and that, somehow, was more overwhelming than the pain that spiderwebbed from her pounding head all the way down her back. Her mother was silent, her face still very nearly impassive, but there was something in the slight furrowing of her brows that Mona thought looked terribly sad. “Don’t you dare,” Mona said furiously. Her eyes were burning. She blinked hard to clear the definitely-not-tears forming there. “Don’t you dare act like I’m going to die.”

april

more ndad snippets! this was from the first full scene i finished, which ended up being prince cyrus' pov of the first night after the coup. he is so mentally ill

Cyrus thought that was a nice enough idea on paper, given the circumstances. But when it became clear that it involved putting on his least comfortable court clothes and shuffling into a musty, overly crowded hall where three scuffed tables and a dozen mismatched chairs had been pushed together in some imitation of a royal banquet, he very quickly began to have second thoughts. Cassandane tried to motion for him to sit at the head of the table when they came in. He sat just to the right of it instead, as he would have if he really had been at court. If the king had been here. But the fact that he wasn’t didn’t make it feel any more right to take his place. So Cyrus didn’t. No one else did either. The chair sat untouched at the front of the room, a ghost in an empty seat. Not a ghost, Cyrus tried to remind himself. Just not here. He would be back soon. They would all be back soon. He couldn’t handle thinking anything else.

may

ndad strikes again! this is going to be most of this. here we have the first darcy pov i wrote, featuring them being sent to woo princess cassandane for prince cyrus and falling head over heels in love with her themself. (take a shot every time someone in ndad has a line about being or not being their father's son)

“I am not a real princess,” she told them after a long moment. “But I am interested in becoming a queen.” She looked one already, Darcy thought. Her eyes were diamond hard, her jaw and cheekbones carved from marble. She could have knocked her father’s statue to the ground and stood on the pedestal in its place and put it to shame. She could have told them to do anything for her, and it wouldn’t have crossed their mind not to obey. She was all that a queen should be. And Darcy was what they should have been. They were not truly the King’s ambassador, nor the Prince’s surrogate. Their loyalty went only as far as their self-interest. They were not their father’s son. But they were, if nothing else, an excellent liar, which was why they could never fully explain the sudden urge they felt to tell her the truth.

june

in june i wrote a short story for a shakespeare-themed horror anthology! it did not get in, but this was my first shot at horror, so i had a ton of fun anyway. i'll probably post this one on ao3 soon -- it's fun little examination of the inherent freakiness of the ending of all's well that ends with, this time with 100% more black magic

Here’s my confession: I don’t love my wife.  Confession’s probably the wrong word though. Cause it’s not like I can tell anyone. Everyone around here thinks we got our perfect miracle of a storybook ending, so maybe I’m the one who’s wrong for not wanting it. Maybe I deserve this. My happily ever after. I don’t know how they believe it. Well, they believe it because I said it, I said I love Helen, and the lie came out smoother than it should have, given the circumstances, because God knows I’ve had too much practice. Maybe I sounded like I meant it. What I actually said was that I’d love her forever. I never said I was smart.

july

we're back in ndad land, and oh boy, this was a month. july was the first time i've ever beaten nanowrimo, fully unintentionally, simply because @wren-is-writing and i went fucking insane with the au fanfiction. but the piece that started it all was renan's backstory, aka renan's spiral into destroying every part of himself over his love for a terrible little boyboss war criminal (hi king cyrus). this is the first time the two of them meet, when cyrus is still in his rakish misbehaving prince era. brainworms are found in the gay old men

The others are already drinking deep again, eager to accept another newcomer into their circle for the night, but your mouth has gone dry. It’s almost hard to look at him. It’s harder to look anywhere else. He notices you staring. When he catches your eye, it makes your heart jump into your throat. “What?” he asks. “Something in my teeth?” You’re barely breathing. “Your Highness,” you manage, and you can’t read the look that crosses his face. Hebes slaps his hand down on the table so hard it makes your glass rattle, and lets out an incredulous, booming laugh. “Stars above, Renan, is that Prince Cyrus?” The boy next to you winks and flashes another incandescent grin. “Just call me Cy.”

august

and here we come to just a small selection of the insane au fanfiction wren and i engaged in. not ALL of it was about cyrenan, just most of it. here's some darcy and cassandane in the criminally extensive college au. darcy's pining, what else is new

It would happen, though, they told themself. It would happen eventually. Because she loved them, they were sure, even if neither of them had phrased it that way exactly. They’d as good as told each other more times than they could count. They had always worked that way, reading between the lines but knowing they were on the same page. “You’re brilliant, you know,” they murmured, dropping their voice so low they were sure only she could hear it. Just one more way of telling her. They knew she’d understand. “At dancing or in general?” “Both.” “I do know,” Cass replied. Her slow, curving smile made them flush too much to hide.  “I want to do this more often,” they whispered. They risked stroking their thumb lightly across her shoulder, a gesture they hoped was too small to catch. “I want to do this all the time.” Forever wasn’t a word they would pull out in public regardless of how softly they were speaking, but they were sure she got that too.

september

we're back to canonverse ndad, thank god. more backstories! this one chronicles austra's girlbossification, and this moment specifically is right after her daughter mona is born

She’s not going to make it. That’s the first thing the doctors tell you. It’s the first thing the Church proclaims on the matter too. You’re still confined to your hospital room. You can’t witness it pronounced in a chapel or read it in a star chart. You have to hear it from your husband’s mouth instead. His eyes are red. He’s been crying. You haven’t been. You’ll break down when there’s nothing left to fight for, not a moment sooner than that. Your daughter needs surgeries that haven’t been performed in a century. Your daughter has long brown eyelashes that flutter when you kiss her while she sleeps. Your husband tells you that her doom is written in the stars, and he says it like he thinks it’s true.

october

and i actually followed austra's backstory up with castor's, because apparently i spent some of this year being semi productive. castor's terrible little psyche revolves around the fact that his brother (everyone's favourite son) died when he was a teenager and he thinks it's his fault for not being a hardened soldier at 17. here he is trying to be a hardened soldier (it's not going well)

You’re not a natural. You’re not even a hard-won talent. Even when you’re not half sleepwalking, you’re slow, clumsy, unsure. Your sword arm grows sore after barely an hour. The straps of your armour chafe against the skin of your neck and leave it raw. You’ve tried your best, memorized a hundred manoeuvres in sparring sessions, but somehow you still freeze in the field. The first time an enemy makes a swipe for you, you run like a coward. By the fiftieth time, you’ve learned to stand your ground, but you don’t know if your allies feel the difference. At night, every comrade you couldn’t save has your brother’s face. He had scars when he—when you saw him the last time. A barely-there line through his eyebrow, another tiny one on his chin. Your father has the gouged-out pit in his left cheek, the mark that proves he is and isn’t invulnerable. Every time a blade flashes in your face, you wonder if you’ll end up with a matching one. It never happens, probably because you’re too quick to flinch back from the strikes that might get close enough. Your skin remains despicably pristine.

november

wow, a new wip? well maybe. this one is still in very early stages, but i got seized by brainworms consisting of "what if richard and bolingbroke from shakespeare's richard ii were lesbians (and not cousins) and fucking hated each other." also it's the 80s, i think. rielle is our larger than life femme richard who's never met an emotion she couldn't turn into a performance, and the narrator here is jack, butch bolingbroke, who has a lot of daddy issues and hates rielle so fucking much.

Don’t get me wrong. My dad was an asshole. He was a dyed-in-the-wool red-blooded homo-hating bigot and I didn’t shed a tear at his funeral. But he was the kind of asshole where if I called my hair a pixie cut and ditched the Doc Martens for mascara when I came around for dinner, he’d happily keep paying my tuition. He’d even hug me, sometimes. Mostly after Mom died. Both arms around my shoulders, like he meant it. So I had my reasons, basically, for not wanting to publicly tell him to go fuck himself.  And even if I hadn’t, she was the last person I owed an explanation. Easy for her to say she’d cut off her parents in a heartbeat when she didn’t have any, just an inheritance ten times the size I was ever getting and a bunch of framed tabloids with pictures of a Rolls-Royce twisted around a lamp post and a cherub of a girl who knew, even at ten years old, how to cry pretty.

december

this past month i've been juggling grad school apps and finals and prepping for my thesis, so i haven't written a ton, but i went back to fun shakespeare fanfiction collabs with @inkgel for a bit! here's me attempting to write julius caesar pov `for our caesar/antony character study that we did after playing those characters on zoom (and playing them as in love, of course)

He could do the same with Antony. Antony wouldn’t make him ask twice for it—wouldn’t make him ask at all, probably, because he is always so delightfully quick to capitulate, all it would really take is a finger ghosted over those plush and slightly reddened lips. But Caesar doesn’t like him to be carved out of marble. He likes it when Antony stumbles, the laugh bubbling up from his throat loose and lazy, the perfect planes of his cheekbones marred with a ruddy flush. When Antony clings onto him, half for balance, half because he’s surely looking for any excuse to. When he hangs on several moments longer than he needs to, his pupils blown, his hair mussed not-quite-artfully, and kisses him with the heady scent of wine still on his breath. Perhaps sometimes he would deign to think he loved it, but it’s been years since that word has been his to offer. These days, it’s only for lesser men to give.

if you got this far, thank you so much for reading! see you all in 2023!!