#it's been years since I've drawn this girly

[weaponizedmoth]

Harley Quinn request

Fulfilled.

[maladaptivewriting86]

Welcome Home - September Ch1

Eddie Munson x Reader, friends to lovers, slow burn

Also posted on ao3! This is part 1!

Summary: Reader has moved to a new city/state every few months since she was born. She shows up to Hawkins in '85 having to repeat her senior year after learning nothing last year due to changing schools 3 times.

Eddie is repeating his senior year as well, lucky for him. He meets reader in class two weeks into the year and is immediately drawn to her due to her I-don't-care attitude and her Metallica t-shirt.

The two hang out often, studying, drinking, smoking, and healing their respective traumas. But how long does reader have before her dad announces that they're packing up and leaving Hawkins forever, leaving Eddie and the new friends she's made behind forever?

Reader uses she/her pronouns but is non-binary. The term didn't exist in the 80s so she describes it as "I'm only vaguely a girl, you shouldn't really think of me as one."

Reader is AFAB, there will be references to anatomy (smut), but for the most part, she's not really "girly".

AU, the upside down doesn't exist, Eleven and Will aren't mentioned (sorry).

CW for this chapter: mentions of parents with substance abuse issues

AN: This is absolutely just self-insert for me but I really like it and maybe it will be relatable to a small number of people or just entertaining, I don't know. But thanks for reading either way!

I'm planning on each chapter being somewhere between a day to a week of in-story time. Some might be super long and others kinda short, I'm not sure. This is my very first work that I've ever written so I have no idea how its going to work. Each month will have its own chapters (all contained here in this one work) and the story will just kinda flow through the months that reader is in Hawkins. Bear with me, this all might change at some point haha. I have a lot of ideas though as this is literally just my maladaptive daydreams put to paper. Eddie makes my brain melt. Enjoy!

Walking out of the school office with your class schedule in your hand you sigh, taking in the new surroundings once again. This is the eighth high school you've been to in the past four years, and the second time you've been a senior in one of them. After moving three times last year and missing so much of your first senior year, you had to start from scratch in a new school, Hawkins High. Pretty boring to name a school after the city, but you've seen it done so many times that you don't give a shit anymore. Just as long as this is your last one.

The receptionist in the office had pointed you in the direction of your assigned locker and handed you a sticky note with the combination on it. Memorizing the numbers on the gross-yellow paper, you head in the direction she told you to go. 982, 983, 984, 985... 986. That was yours. You stop in front of it and rest your head on the door as you look down and turn the lock in the correct order. You had no faith that this year would be your last, you already accepted that if you couldn't finish high school on your second attempt, then you would just drop out and figure out what to do after that. School is fucking tiring.

The bell rang to signal change of classes and students began to flood the hall. Already missed the first period and study hall, off to a great start. As you pop the lock open and step back a little to open the door, a solid body slams into your side and a book goes sliding down the corridor.

"Hey, watch it freak!" The body yells at you.

You turn to look at who just walked into you. It was a girl with platinum blonde hair in a super high ponytail; a cheerleader uniform; and her tits on full display, absolutely breaking the dress code.

"Sorry, didn't realize you liked to walk with your eyes closed." You grumbled as you rolled your eyes and turned back to your locker, beginning to unload your binders from your bag. She walked into you , that was definitely not your fault.

"What?" She snapped. She took a few steps to the side so that she was right next to you continuing to stare at the side of your face, and at your Metallica shirt, and your ripped black jeans, and dirty shoes. She instantly clocked you as someone who was beneath her so she narrowed her eyes and gave a sickening smile. "Ohhhh... great, another freak to join the freakshow. Just watch yourself okay? And don't get dirt on my uniform." She accented the last line by wiping down the front of her skirt with her hands aggressively a few times before stepping away and bounding down the corridor with her group of friends who looked identical to her, ponytails swishing in unison as they walked. One of them stopped to pick up the book that was dropped and handed it back to who you assume was their leader. All five of them turned to sneer at you before continuing on their way.

"I fucking hate cheerleaders." You thought to yourself as you closed your locker and looked at your schedule again. Your second class was English. An easy enough class, after a bit of a rough start in the hall.

As you entered your classroom you made your way to the desk at the front where the teacher was sitting.

"Hi, I'm y/n. I'm new, I just moved here yesterday and I was told to introduce myself to my teachers when I got to class so... hi." You said quietly to your new English teacher.

"Well hi! I'm Ms. Davies, it's nice to meet you. I'll write your name into the class list. Can I see your schedule?" She seemed way too smiley and chipper for your liking, but at least she didn't seem like she was going to be a hard-ass.

You handed her your schedule and she nodded and confirmed that you were in the right class. She copied your name down on her attendance list and then stood up, handing back your schedule.

"Please don't-" before you could ask her not to, she began announcing your name and welcoming you to the class.

"We have a new student today! Y/fn. Everyone please be kind, she'll be a little bit behind as we've already gotten through two weeks of curriculum but I'm sure she'll catch up quickly!" Smiling, probably very proud of herself for embarrassing you, she turned to you and pointed to an empty pair of seats at the back of the class. "You can take a seat back there... I would say 'next to Mister Munson' but it seems that he won't be joining us again-" just as she said that, a boy with long, curly, brown hair, a denim jacket adorned with pins and patches, ripped jeans, and absolutely no school supplies walked into the class. "Well, never mind. Here he is." She said, a little surprised by this guy's sudden appearance.

Keeping your head down to avoid the stares that you were most certainly receiving, you made your way to the back of the class and sat down in one of the seats Ms. Davies had pointed to.

The long haired boy's eyes hadn't left you since he walked through the door. He also made his way to his seat and sat down just slightly after you. "Metallica fan eh?" He said, nodding to the t-shirt you were wearing.

"Yeah." You said, a little more blunt than you meant for it to sound. "One of my favorites." You added, noting that most of the decor on his vest were metal bands.

"You've got good taste." He crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair, clearly not intending to pay attention to the class.

"Thank you." You said, honestly. "You seem to as well," pointing at one of his pins, you said "Judas Priest is pretty good too."

The boy beamed. He was honestly really cute, especially when he smiled and his dimples were on full display. He squeezed his crossed arms tighter and wiggled a little, obviously a little giddy, and leaned over to you a bit "I like you. I think I'm going to annoy you for the rest of the year." He said with a sort-of-joking-sort-of-not tone.

You let out a soft laugh and smiled back at him. "Sounds good." You replied, somewhat sarcastically, though you also weren't going to say no to gaining a friend immediately. Especially one who seemed to have the same taste as you. 

He extended one of his hands toward you, intending for you to shake it. "My name’s Eddie." He introduced himself smoothly, his name sounded so royal leaving his tongue.

"I'm y/n." You replied, shaking his hand gently. His fingertips were a little rough, he probably played guitar. "I guess you missed when my name was announced to the world by Ms. Davies up there." You let go of his hand and gestured lightly up to the front of the room where Ms. Davies was writing something on the board. Something you're already not learning.

"I did miss that, unfortunately. I'm sure it wasn’t embarrassing at all and everyone was all 'hi y/n! Welcome to Hawkins High! We hope you have a wonderful time here! Go Tigers!'" He raised the pitch of his voice when he imitated the students, making you laugh a little harder than before.

"That's absolutely horrifying! You make them sound like a cult! I'm glad they didn't say that to me, I think I would've walked right out the door and never came back!"

"I think anyone would!" He chuckled. He looked very pleased with himself that he made you laugh as he leaned back in his chair, arms crossed again, but still smiling wide.

As the two of you settled into comfortable silence, you took your notebook out of your bag and attempted to take notes on… MooBath ? With the fantastic mixture of Ms. Davies’ terrible writing, your terrible eyesight, and your lack of glasses, the board at the front of the room was nearly unreadable from where you were sitting. Squinting your eyes and leaning forward you could make out that it was actually MacBeth that she was teaching, not something a cow would say while getting cleaned.

“Forgot your glasses at home?” Eddie asked softly. 

“No, I don't have any. Can't afford them.” You said simply, trying not to make a big deal over the fact that your parents didn't care enough about you to spend less money on their addictions so they could actually take care of their child. 

“Oh. Well that sucks. You should sit closer to the front then.” He said, like it wasn't the most obvious solution. 

You laughed lightly, “I would've but this was the only seat open and I doubt anyone would be kind enough to move just for me.” You looked back at him, he looked very comfortable leaning back in his chair, his eyes still fixed on you. 

“Don't ask ‘em then. Just sit. We don't have assigned seating so you can sit wherever you want.” He shrugged and leaned forward, putting his crossed arms on the desk. “Plus it would be fun to see the cheerleaders whine about not getting their way.” A somewhat devious smile spread across his face. 

“We'll see.” You said with a small smile, turning your attention back to the teacher. You decided that after missing the first half of the lesson you should at least try to take notes from just her voice alone. It was a struggle, she talked very fast and went on plenty of tangents that didn't have much to do with the subject matter. By the end of the class, you had about a page and a half of notes that you were only 60% confident in being correct and a bit of a headache from squinting at the board. 

The bell finally rang while Ms. Davies was mid-sentence. It startled her a bit but she dismissed you all and wished everyone a good rest of the day. On to lunch!

As you packed up your things and exited the classroom, Eddie stuck right by you chattering away. “Hey you should come sit with me and my friends for lunch! You'll fit right in! They're metal fans too!” He seemed to have a ton more energy than he did in class for some reason, or maybe he was quiet on purpose so that you could try to take notes. 

Stopping at your locker to exchange your books for your lunch, you smiled at him “Okay, I'd love to.” Why not? Worst that could happen is they hate you and you spend your time at another school completely alone. Best case? You gain some friends for a bit, until you have to pack up and move to another town in a month or two. 

You could feel that Eddie was practically vibrating as he led you to the cafeteria, eager to introduce you to his friends. He kept his hand on your shoulder like he was afraid you'd run away or get lost on the short journey. Approaching the long lunch table he waved his hand toward a few younger boys on the left, probably freshmen or juniors, and ordered them to “Scoot!”. They looked at him like he asked them to sacrifice themselves. “I said scoot!” He repeated, now using both hands to usher them all down one seat. 

“Well, you don't have to-” you tried to stop the disruption of their natural seating but Eddie just waved at you stating “They're fine. Have a seat!” He beamed once again when you took your seat, every single boy at the table staring at you like you'd just appeared out of thin air. 

“Friends, this is y/n.” Eddie gestured to you like he was unveiling a masterpiece at a museum. The rest of the table greeted you with tentative “Hi.”s. One guy in a leather jacket, on the opposite side of the table asked “You managed to bring a girl to our table? How'd you do that man?”

You chuckled a little “Well, I'm only vaguely a girl, you shouldn't really think of me as one if that makes you more comfortable. You can call me whatever you want, honestly. I’ve heard it all. But I wouldn't be caught dead hanging out with cheerleaders and doing my makeup and giggling and shit. I'm not into all that girly stuff. But uh… anyway… hi.” You gave a little wave and looked at everyone around the table. Most of the older guys looked similar to Eddie in terms of clothing style. They looked pretty metal and some of them had jackets like Eddie. The younger boys were a little more toned down but they seemed to fit in really well with the general vibe of the table. 

Eddie smiled at you as he pulled up a chair and sat at the head of the table, like a king, you thought. “y/n here, is a new kid. Just moved in from…” He looked to you to finish his sentence for him. 

“I don't even know, I only lived there for three months. Somewhere in south Indiana. Started with a B I think?” you shrugged. You genuinely couldn't remember the name, and the city itself was already a blur in your memory, as with most of the cities you've lived in. 

“Bloomington?” one of the boys to your left asked. He had very curly hair tucked up into a hat that said Thinking Cap .

“Yeah, sure, that sounds right.” You replied, opening your lunch bag and taking out the sandwich you made this morning. “Pretty boring place if you ask me.”

“Hey, wait, are you the one that just moved next door to me?” Another boy to your left asked. This one had shoulder length black hair and bangs, it kind of seemed like he was trying to look like Eddie if you were being honest.

“Probably? I just got here, dude. I don't even know my own address, let alone yours!” You laughed, trying not to sound mean, but wanting to get the message across that you don't know anyone or anything in this town. You took a bite out of your sandwich and looked towards Eddie, who was once again leaning back in his chair with his arms crossed, looking at you.

Eddie laughed and adjusted his sitting position so that he was leaning back just a little bit more, legs spread apart like he owned the place. “She’s new, like I said. But I think she fits in with us already. An outcast, a metal head, possibly a freak like yours truly.” He meant “freak” in the same way that the cheerleader had meant it when she walked into you at your locker; a person who doesn't conform to the normie bullshit and instead proudly displays their true self to the world.… that's probably how he meant it, you think. 

“I appreciate that, Eddie.” you said, smiling at him. Something in his eyes flashed as you said his name, fear? Arousal? Just simple appreciation? You weren't sure.

The rest of the table appeared to accept that you were part of the group immediately. It seemed that Eddie was their leader and they would follow his every word. Again, like he was a king. Unlike other “kings” you had met, Eddie actually seemed to take pride in being a leader; he accepted the responsibility and he cared about his “subjects” a huge amount. He certainly had power, but his friends respected him and his ideas. It felt very fair. 

“So what do you guys do in this town?” You asked between bites of your sandwich. “Sex, drugs, alcohol and loud music?” You were only half joking with that suggestion, they were the main things most people did in every place you've been to, but you were looking for more of a “places to go” answer.

“I mean, you're pretty spot on.” The guy right across the table piped up. He had sort of poofy hair and a plaid vest that had a bunch of pins on it. “We’re in a band so… we’re the loud music bit.” He gestured to Eddie and the two other guys on his side of the table.

“Woah really?” You were honestly a little excited about this information. “I assume a metal band, yeah?”

“Duhhhhh!” Eddie droned, rolling his eyes dramatically. “Nothing else is worth playing.”

“Well, slow down there cowboy.” you laughed, “Other music is good too! Doesn't all have to be sick guitar solos and screaming your lungs out. Sometimes it's nice to chill out to some Elvis.”

“Oh god.” Eddie suddenly looked scared and sick as he stared directly at you. “I was wrong… you're secretly… a normie!” He dramatically flailed his arms and pretended to pass out, like the shock of your extended music taste had killed him. The whole table laughed at him, you included. The sheer drama of this man was keeping you hooked, you were already having fun and you had only just met him. He was comfortable to be around though, like you’d known him since childhood. When he opened his eyes and sat up, you were the first thing he looked at, your smiling face, laughing at his little act.

“You should come watch us play some time!” The guy in the plaid vest offered.

Pulling your eyes away from Eddie, you answered, “I’d love to! Where do you play?” You absolutely would love to see them play! You just hope that they’re some kind of good.

“Every Tuesday at a bar called The Hideout. It's a little far from here.” 

“Oh… well I don't have a car, anyone I could hitch a ride with?” You asked, looking around the table. The younger kids probably didn't have cars either but maybe they had other friends who went to see the band play.

“We can drive you.” Eddie answered quickly. “You can be our first groupie.” You think you saw him wink at you.

“Hold on, really? You never offer rides to non-band members. Something about the sanctity of the van or something?” Plaid vest looked shocked at Eddie’s immediate offer.

“Yeah, well, I've made an exception.” Eddie waved his hand and his words were accepted.

“Really, you don't have to if that's not your thing. I can find my own way there some time, or I'll watch you play someplace else. No biggie. Don't make exceptions for me, I'm not special.” You pleaded. You really didn't want to just force your way into their group, it could end badly if you pissed people off. You could handle being alone or kicked out but you wouldn't be able to handle being the reason the band or the friend group broke up.

“No, really, it's fine. If we bring you along then you'll be forced to listen to our whole set and then maybe we'll finally have a fan!” Eddie explained. “We play tonight if you want to come?”

Suddenly feeling a bit overwhelmed, you pulled away, “I… can’t tonight. I have a lot of unpacking to do. I still have to find all my clothes.” You laughed a little uncomfortably. “Next time though, yeah?”

Eddie looked a little saddened by that, but understanding nonetheless. “That's okay!” He reassured, “Next time.” He gave a warm smile to let you know he wasn't trying to pressure you.

“We- we also have a DnD club!” Thinking Cap kid said excitedly.

At this, your eyes brightened. You'd played DnD a few times at different schools, they always ended on cliffhangers though, because you left before the campaign could really get going. “Really!?” You asked. “That's so cool!”

Everyone at the table got excited then; asking you if you were serious, what kind of character you played, if you've ever DM'd, just question after question, none of them getting answered. You laughed as the boys bombarded you with queries and Eddie progressively got more and more annoyed with them. 

“SHUT UP! SHUT UP!” He yelled, silencing the table immediately, and a few others next to yours. He was standing now and he turned to you, “You're lying right? There's no way you're actually into DnD.” He looked a little hesitant waiting for your answer. Hopeful, maybe, that you were telling the truth. 

“No, I'm not lying! Honestly, I've played a few times but none of the campaigns I've been a part of have gotten anywhere because I moved before we could get to the good stuff.” You explained. 

“Ho-ly-shit!” Eddie said, emphasizing each syllable. “You're perfect. You're actually perfect. Sent from heaven, we've gained an angel, boys!” He raised his arms to the air like he was praising a God, the table roared with excitement again. Then he dropped his hands down onto the table with a bang! Making you all jump a little. 

Suddenly very serious, he leaned into his hands, looming over you slightly and asked “What's your class and level?”

Realizing he was quizzing you, or maybe this was a hazing? You answered immediately, “I play a Half-Elf Paladin named Sebastian. With my limited amount of play time I've managed to eke him up to level 5.” proud of your answer you lifted your chin up to Eddie, showing him you weren't lying and you definitely knew your shit. 

The table was silent again, watching the two of you battle. “Backstory?” He questioned. 

“Sebastian was abducted by a group of thieves when he was 15. He spent 20 years under their command, being the muscle to their brains. One night, the thieves’ camp was raided and Sebastian joined the raiders’ side, killing the people who took him hostage. Now, he's sworn an oath to kill or punish every thief or criminal who holds prisoners or slaves captive. He’s also searching for his lost parents that he was ripped away from.” You held eye contact with him the whole time you told your story. Your character's backstory was something you were very proud of and you weren't going to let him make a fool of you. 

Eddie leaned back away from you, sitting comfortably in his chair again. “Not bad.” he praised. “I'm thoroughly impressed. I guess we can add ‘nerd’ to your list of qualities that make you fit in here.”

You smiled at him, a warm feeling in your chest growing as you felt the validation from him. “Thank you. I wear that title with pride.”

“Okay! So she's joining us right!? This is fricken awesome!” Thinking Cap shook his clenched hands in front of him in excitement. 

Still staring at Eddie, you raised an eyebrow to him, questioning if he wanted you to join or not. 

“That's up to her.” He stated. “I think it's clear that the invitation is open.” 

Glancing at the table full of smiling guys, all of them on the edge of their seat, waiting for your answer, you simply said, “Then I accept.”

The table roared a final time and you received a few pats on the back and a few “Welcome to hellfire!”s. Meanwhile, Eddie was grinning from ear to ear, trying to play down his excitement, but you could see the way he squeezed his crossed arms together, the same way he did when you talked about music in class. He was definitely happy that you said yes. 

When the excitement finally died down and everyone settled into a lighter conversation, Eddie scooted his chair closer to you and whispered somewhat close to your ear. “If we're too much for you, you can tell us to back off. I didn't mean to bombard you with so much shit on your first day. You just seem really cool, and that's rare around here, so I wanted you to have some equally cool friends.”

Turning your head slightly to look at him, you noticed how comfortable he was with being so close to you. And how comfortable you were with it as well. “I'm enjoying it actually,” you whispered back. “I've never felt this welcome before.”

“Good.” Was all he said as he moved away from you, showing off his dimples again with a smile. 

You finished your lunch while listening to the multiple conversations happening around the table. Two boys were bickering, three were talking about guitar solos, and Eddie and Plaid Vest were discussing something very quietly. You thought to yourself “Okay, I definitely think like it here for once.”

“Hey, lunch is almost over,” Plaid Vest announced, looking to you. “What class do you have next?”

Reaching into your back pocket, you pulled out your schedule. “Ummm… History, with O'Donall.” 

“NO WAY!” Eddie yelled from right beside you, startling you a bit. “So do I! Let me see your schedule!” 

You handed the paper over to Eddie and both he and Plaid Vest (you really should have asked everyone’s name) looked over every class. “None of those are with me, unfortunately.” Plaid Vest said, slightly disappointed. The end-of-lunch bell rang and students began packing up their lunches, returning their trays, and leaving the cafeteria. “I'll see you later tho!” He waved at you with a genuine smile and left the cafeteria.

“You’ll never fucking believe this, but we have every single class together!” Eddie said excitedly.

“No way.” You said flatly, you did not believe that one bit. The rest of the table started packing up their things as well and heading out. Everyone gave you a polite “bye” on their way out.

“I'm serious! Well, except for first period, but the rest of today we do! I’d show you my own schedule but it's in my locker.” Eddie insisted. He stood up as you did and kept to your side as you made your way back to your locker to gather your things. 

“So what you're saying is: I'm never going to get rid of you?” You joked, opening up your locker.

“Oh absolutely!” Eddie said with a devilish grin on his face. “Guess you and I have to be friends forever now.”

“Well… forever for me might only be a couple months before I move again, but I think I can handle you for that long.” You teased, pulling the last of your class stuff out of your locker and shutting it.

“You're going to move again? You just got here.” Eddie asked. You both started down the hall towards history class, Eddie leading the way.

“Well, I've moved probably near fifty times in my eighteen years of life, so… it's not unlikely that I'll move again.”

“FIFTY!?” Eddie yelled

“Calm down,” you laughed at his sudden outburst, that number usually surprises people. “Yeah something like that. Makes it hard to keep friends.” You said, sounding a lot sadder than you meant to.

“That fucking blows. Why do you move so much?” Eddie was genuinely curious about you, he was leaning in and listening to your every word.

“You'd have to ask my dad. He pisses off a lot of people and then we’re forced to skip town before he gets his ass beat.” You explained. “He's not in trouble with the cops or anything, just like… landlords, neighbors, bar owners, liquor store employees… pissed off a mayor once too.” God your dad’s a mess.

“Wow, what an asshole.” He stepped through the doorway of your history class and held his arm out in front of him, waving you through like you were royalty. It made you laugh, and made other people stare.

“You're telling me.” You said, exaggerated. You walked past Eddie and quickly made your way to the teacher at the head of the room, wanting to introduce yourself quickly this time so that there weren't so many students in the room for her to announce your presence to.

This teacher, once again, confirmed that this was the right class and welcomed you to Hawkins High. As she finished writing your name on the attendance sheet, a shrill voice let out an exasperated “UGH!” from behind you. 

“This is my seat, you freak! Go find a trash can to sit in, or better yet! Go jump off a bridge!” The same blonde haired cheerleader who had smashed into you in the hall was currently screaming at Eddie, who was sitting at a pair of desks in the third row with his feet on the table, not looking at her at all.

“Miss Blackwell! That is enough! None of these seats belong to anyone! Please find another desk to sit in. Mister Munson has already chosen that one.” Ms. O'Donall stated, sternly. She then sighed and added, “And thank you for joining us today, mister Munson.” sounding like she was annoyed that he showed up at all.

The cheerleader and her friend stomped away from Eddie who was now smiling at you, very proud of himself. They sat down at a different pair of desks which caused another two students who had just walked in, to be upset and move back a row, they caused another two to move, and another, and another, and another. Eddie had just disrupted almost every student’s seating habit single-handedly.

“What are you doing?” you whispered to Eddie as you took your seat next to him. “You really wanted to hear the cheerleaders whine huh?”

“Of course! It sounded like fun when I suggested it, and I didn’t think you would do it, so I did.” He took his feet off the desk in front of him and leaned toward you so only you could hear him. “Plus, I figured this was a good spot, you can see the board from here right?”

Did he really just force some cheerleaders to move seats just so that you wouldn't have to sit at the back of the room and squint to see the board? “Eddie!” You whispered, scolding him a bit. “You did not just do that so I could see the board.” You were looking him directly in the eyes, searching for some other explanation than kindness towards you, someone he just met.

Eddie just shrugged his shoulders with a big smile on his face and leaned back in his chair, assuming the same position as he seemed to always do, arms crossed, legs spread.

You continued to stare at him, bewildered that someone would do that for you. A loud voice pulled you away though, “Miss y/ln. I don't think today's lesson is on mister Munson’s forehead, so could you face the board where it actually is, please?” Ms. O’Donall, who you now know will be a hard-ass, was looking directly at you, lips pursed together. “Sorry.” you said quietly, and turned to face her. She nodded sharply and went back to the lesson. You heard a few giggles from behind you, probably the cheerleaders. 

You took out your notebook and began copying the notes Ms. O'Donall was writing on the board, trying your hardest to not look at Eddie. Something in your head kept wanting to stare at him, to get closer to him, to really make a friend this time around. But you knew if you did that, it would end in heartbreak when you were dragged off to another city with your parents. So you pushed it all down. Hanging out with the boys won't be so bad, there's no harm in having fun, you just won't let yourself get too attached to them and the break will be clean. Hopefully. 

The rest of the day went by smoothly. You managed to get some notes from Ms. O'Donall on the two weeks that you missed so you wouldn't be so behind. And your last class of the day was biology, probably the only class that you learned anything in during all of last year, so it felt like more of a review than new information. Eddie chose to sit you near the front in biology as well, though no one yelled at him in that class, which was honestly surprising. 

When the final bell rang, Eddie followed you once again to your locker. “How did you understand a single thing that Mr. Grinnell said?”

“I've been through it before. This is my second senior year. Fuck every other class, but bio? That's my shit. Well, and art, but that doesn't count.” You explained, pulling your jacket and backpack from your locker. 

“I dunno, I've been through it before too, but I think it made even less sense this time around.” He rubbed his forehead like thinking made his brain hurt. 

You closed your locker and placed your hand on his shoulder. “If you need some help, I don't mind. After all you've done for me so far, I think I owe you something. We can help each other finally finish our senior years. Well… help each other for as long as I'm here.”

Eddie pulled his hand away from his face and looked up at you. “You serious? Because I think I could really use the help. I'm dumb as shit so it might be a challenge, but I'm not gonna say no if it means we get to hang out.” He seemed to be excited about your offer. 

“Yeah, I'm absolutely serious. Gives me a reason to stay away from my house and my parents.” You really hated sitting around the house with your dad who was always drunk and mad, and your mom who was always high and stupid. “But not tonight though, I really do have to find my clothes or else I'll be showing up to school tomorrow in this exact outfit. Plus, you have a gig to get to.” You smiled at him warmly, making sure he knew that you weren't just being nice for the sake of it. You really did like the idea of having someone to keep you on track in school, and you had no problem with helping him do the same. 

“Deal!” He excitedly accepted and stuck out his hand for you to shake. 

You took his hand and gave it a firm shake. “No taking that back now, we've made a deal!” You said, pointing at him. 

He grinned. “Scout's honor!” he swore, raising his hand to place it over his heart, his other hand still holding yours. 

The two of you made your way outside, ready to head home. “Need a ride?” Eddie offered. 

“No, that's okay, I'll walk.” You politely declined. 

“Are you sure? If you live near Wheeler, that's a pretty far walk!” Wheeler must be the kid you moved in next to. The one with black hair that looked like Eddie’s. 

“Honestly, it's not that bad of a walk. I made it to school that way.” Granted, you were late two periods, but that wasn't entirely your fault. You didn't have your alarm clock unpacked yet and you woke up later than you meant to. “It's pretty straightforward. Plus, it's how I usually learn the city. If I get lost, I'll just wander till I find my way back.”

Eddie looked a little worried for a moment so you patted him on the shoulder and reassured him, “I'll be fine. Promise. I'll see you tomorrow, yeah!?” 

He hesitated for a moment but you could see him decide against arguing with you. “Alright then, yeah. See you tomorrow, y/n.” He said, nodding and smiling. 

“Bye, Eddie.” You gave him a big smile and a little wave and headed off in the direction of your new house. 

The walk home took about 20 minutes, plenty of time to sort out your head and take note of all that had happened in the day. You made six friends in one day, definitely a new record for you! You joined a DnD party, possibly became a groupie, pissed off some cheerleaders, and gained a study buddy. There's a good chance that this town wasn't going to be the worst you've ever stayed in. But the looming question of “just how long will this last?” would never leave your mind. 

[megumi-fm]

this week on megumi.fm ▸ coding and coffeeshops

📋 Tasks

💻 Internship ↳ lab meet!!! got to learn about the other projects in the lab ↳ got work from home approved!! ↳ optimize protein seq code // account for missing residues ✅ ↳ add on a binding site identifier function for code using 4.5A distance threshold ✅ ↳ optimize binding site code // reducing time complexity for large PDB file inputs ✅ ↳ download and extract alphafold human protein repository and analyze pdb file formats ↳ set up progress tracker and upload code on colab ✅ 🎓 Uni ↳ Final Project: update images quality according to changes mentioned ✅ ↳ renew uni email for extra credit classes ✅ ↳ extra credit classes started this week! 🩺Radiomics Projects ↳ call with teammates to discuss next steps ✅ 📧 Application-related ↳ finished masters application form for 1/1 Uni (waiting on my referee reports) ✅ ↳ finalize referee report from my profs ✅

📅 Daily-s

🛌 consistent sleep [7/7] 💧 good water intake [5/7] 👟 exercise [5/7]

Fun Stuff this week

🍻 met up with my bestie @muakrrr <3 it was a stressful tuesday so meeting him for lunch was super comforting! he bought this cute purple drink and I got myself some ginger ale and the waiter served us the wrong drinks (gender and expectations something something) and it was amusing to watch them get confused when we corrected them 🎂 mom's b'day this week!! went out for dinner with her!! 🛒 went shopping with relatives who I haven't seen in years. bought myself a book! (rip my bookshelf) ☕ went out for coffee and dinner with my girlies (the same besties who I exchanged mugs with). we're trying to spend as much time together as possible before we leave to different countries for our masters 🎮 continuing the beginner's guide 📺 ongoing: Marry my Husband, Cherry Magic Th, Last Twilight 📺 binged: KinnPorsche The Series

📻 This week's soundtrack

Love Wins All by IU (been crying over this music video for days now. it's beautiful) KinnPorsche theme by Slot Machine: Kinn's theme [aka Phiang Waichai; TH] | Porche's theme [aka Free Fall; Eng] (first of all this is one of the catchiest theme songs to exist second only to SPECIALZ aka the JJK s2 op i'm also particularly losing my mind over how the two themes are love letters to the main characters from each other... the narrative parallels of it all are driving me insane sldkhlaksjkshs) Dum Dum by Jeff Satur + the Live Unchained version where his vocals are heavenly (maybe im so drawn to this song because the chorus is similar to the melodic motifs of the KPTS themes/soundtrack, either way, the show introduced me to him and god. I've been voraciously consuming his discography.) Ghost by Jeff Satur (on repeat all week. thoroughly obsessed with this song- the lyricism, his voice, the storyline in the MV, his acting, everything. wow. truly.)

---

[Jan 22 to 28 ; week 4/52 || I. love. my. internship. like. I have been having the most fun time problem solving and troubleshooting. it's also super satisfying to see the outcome of my code. it's been a while since I used python (I've been coding on C) so I forget that python has a lot of inbuilt functions that would do the same tasks I inadvertently entrust my nested loops with, and finding out about them is always so joyous (although it means I have to scrap off several chunks of code). i am a bit annoyed though, because the other intern isn't really doing any work that we're entrusted with so I'm having to carry the team and it's taking me too much time. but oh well. I've suggested we split tasks from next week, hopefully that'll make things better.

I've also been procrastinating a lot when it comes to my masters applications and it really hit me this week when I had to run to uni several times to get things approved and completed. Now that I'll get to work from home I need to set up a proper schedule to get application work completed wayy in advance. also need to resume my GRE prep from next week.]

[simmonsized]

🥑🌻🪐🥐☁️🎨 🧩 for Writers Truth & Dare Ask Game

1. 🥑 ⇢ you accidentally killed somebody, which mutual(s) do you text for help?

Probably the members of my Broblematic server (@outofstrings (bird and fae collectively, u may know of the Post-Cal ask blog), @future-geometries (Jess u are the first person I thought of) and definitely @alexharrier , who I think would probably hide me from the law even if I didn't explain the crime. I am not including beloved @chaton-katreal because I think she is too gentle, i would not want to muck up her life with murder!)

Or you know, my actual partner @notanotherdoodleblog probably LOL

All fantastic people, worth of hiding crimes.

2. 🌻 ⇢ tag someone you appreciate but don't talk to on a regular basis

Honestly most of my friends are pretty busy adulting 8( so we don't get to talk as much as I'd like to. @eggwyrt because our timezones are almost earth opposites. I love u!!!! I miss you!!

3. 🪐 ⇢ name three good things going on in your life right now

- I've got two real life best friends that I get together with and have coffee every weekend together, and sometimes do other things, and this is significant to me because adulthood makes it hard to keep friends, let alone see them.

- I got into the marine ecology lab at my school that I have been pushing for entrance into, despite missing a pre-req. I get to be on a boat for eight hours next quarter! Woohoo!

- I got fanart for a fic I am very proud of but very rarely interact with anybody about, which has boosted my confidence and made me feel really good, and each comment I've gotten since they posted the art has made my heart sing extra loud!

4. 🥐 ⇢ name one internet reference that will always make you laugh

Tbh I can't think of anything off the top of my head. My partner and I met through RVB, however, so we reference old seasons to each other fairly regularly, and I like to think we have a pretty good time c:

5. ☁️ ⇢ what made you choose your username?

(i do not even like Simmons that much but it's a solid username and now is part of my brand. also I am classically a blue team girly lol)

6. 🎨 ⇢ link your favourite piece of fanart and explain why you like it

This is an impossible task. Insurmountable, even. There are several!! Many!!! How can I pick one?? So I will list a few:

A. Everything anyone has ever drawn for my fanfics at all ever.

B. SPECIFICALLY everything @alexharrier has drawn for me, ever. Especially specially specially these two gifs which actually make me fucking insane every time I see them.

Honestly, this had me making sounds so incoherent only dogs could hear them, years ago when I did not consider my fic would be special to anyone. I really really really treasure them.

Also both my birthday gifts, Bro at Disneyland, and Bro at Home Depot 💕

C. This artwork for RNG chapter 66, from @101-sve . It is also special to me, and it's been my wallpaper on my phone ever since c: the atmosphere, the warmth, the halo of their hair i just... Yeah!!!!

D. Recent, probably familiar still, this Holy Fucking Shit Beautiful Atmospheric work of art for metempsychosis!!!! by @askinsufferableprickmod . I really actually cannot stop looking at it. It's so gorgeous, and honestly even if it had nothing to do with me I would still be in love with it. The concept of the kids are Gods, as beings outside the mortal world they made for themselves, all that is visible here, and I really really love it!

* I know all of these are things people have drawn for me, for my content, but honestly that is why they are my favorites! It is touching to see someone put heart into something that is related to something you, yourself, also put heart into!!! I love it!!!! I love these talented artists!!!!!

ALSO: we all know Theater of Coolty, but it is so beloved to me, I can recite it in my sleep lol.

7. 🧩 ⇢ what will make you click away from a fanfiction immediately

On top of the other reasons I said I don't like things, you do actually have to convince me 6 times outta 10 if you want me to read a Homestuck fic in the third person. There is just something to the flavor of 2nd person that hits different. There is a reason different perspectives exist, and I think they can all be utilized well, but something about that classic, well-patterned "you, and then you" just gets me, you know?

[mooncaps]

Starting to feel like I'm chasing my tail trying to understand my gender. Every time I think I've settled on some new understanding and acceptance of myself, some new unsettled feeling creeps in. First I feel like I'm just a guy who likes girly stuff, then I feel like I've been in denial about being a girl, then I feel like I'm not either, and back around again.

I've been re-examining a lot of my life. Looking at old files on my computer, listening to songs I haven't listened to in years, going through Tumblr posts from 10 years ago and LiveJournal posts from even further back, looking at old photographs, and just reflecting on my own memories.

There are some things in my past that make me think: was I a girl? At the very least I've always been drawn to exploring femininity, even from an extremely young age. And it keeps coming up even as an adult. I remember weeping after watching the Princess Cookie episode of Adventure Time, wishing that I could have a moment of feeling like a princess. More than one thing has made me wish I could be a shapeshifter, most recently Nimona. If I could just feel like something and shift into looking like it, secure in the knowledge that I could shift back, that would be heaven. And F1nn5ter giving me a glimpse of a life I never could have dreamed was possible sent me spiraling into chaos.

On the other hand, I can remember being eager to perform masculinity. I wanted to be good at being a guy. I still wanted to be a sensitive guy who liked Sailor Moon and Days of Our Lives, but I also wanted to be a handsome, masculine-looking guy. Was it just about thinking that's what success was? Was it about wanting to attract romantic partners? Or was it about liking that version of me? There are a couple of photos of me in my late teens looking handsome that still make me smile.

And maybe genderfluid really is the long and short of it. But even if it is, I'd still like to get to a place where I feel like I'm steering the ship instead of the ship steering me.

If I am a girl, even just some of the time, then I'm extremely anxious about facing that fact and the ramifications of what it means. I'm at anxiety levels I haven't hit since the days following the 2016 Election. The weight on my chest, difficulty sleeping because my mind won't stop trying to problem-solve, difficulty settling into leisure activities, and the worst moments bring shivering cold. I'm not generally a person who gets chilly, let alone shivering cold, especially in the summertime. I can't tell if that anxiety is coming from a fear that it's not really who I am, if it's coming from a manic desire to figure it all out, or if it's coming from a fear of being judged and being the central target in this era of politics.

I'm about ready to throw up my hands and give up on defining it. My gender is a tangled ball of yarn and pulling the strings is just tightening the tangles. My gender is an Eldritch horror, unknowable to the mortal mind; I thought I understood it for just a moment before it became incomprehensible again and started driving me to madness. My gender is a murky fog, dense enough to make its presence known, but it fades into the distance as I approach and it's impossible to grasp.

[artemis32]

Hi! I saw your masterlist and see you also write for viral hit maybe can you do platonic taehoon seong feel like he'd be a very cool brother and especially that his father maybe ask him to protect his sister

Platonic Yandere Taehoon Seong I

****

I've been wanting to write something for Taehoon so thank you for this :)) He's my favourite character in Viral Hit

I hope this is along the lines of what you wanted :))

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Viral Hit Masterlist

****

****

You were the exact opposite of your brother, in more ways than one.

The most obvious difference was your personality. You would think it would be your looks, but it was far more obvious in your personalities than anything else.

You were kind, soft spoken, and you made friends wherever you went. People were drawn to you in any situation, and you seemed like sunshine personified.

The main reason you weren't constantly overwhelmed by a sea of people was your brother. His harsh, callous attitude kept people far away, and his glare was enough to make sure that the few braver souls knew to stay away.

That being said, your general appearance is also different to his, namely your aesthetics. He has the whole skater boy look, like someone who doesn’t care much for appearances. You on the other hand care very much. You don’t wear a ton of makeup, but you dress up whenever the chance arises. You’re not particularly girly, but you look very neat all the time, never a hair out of place.

****

He’s about two years older than you, and because of that, he’s extremely protective. Your father is partly to blame for that, his protective parental attitude having rubbed off on Taehoon soon after you were born.

Regardless of the reason for his overprotective nature, you look up to your brother - he’s your main role model. 

And naturally, since you look up to him, you have just as much of an interest in taekwondo as he does - something that he’s very proud of. It also acts as a bonding exercise for the two of you, and the highlight of his day is the time he spends teaching you taekwondo in the afternoon after school.

Even though you’re just as good as he is at taekwondo, he refuses to let you fight if the situation ever arises. No, your older brother makes sure that you never have to raise a finger to defend yourself - he fights on your behalf, no matter what.

The only downside of how protective he is, is that you’re really sheltered, and consequently, you don’t have many friends. 

Taehoon knew that if he wasn’t there, you’d probably have a ton of friends, but it gives him peace of mind to know exactly who you surround yourself with, so he chases away anyone who he thinks might hurt you.

You’re pretty good friends with Minji, Manager Kim’s daughter, but you don’t see her as often as you’d like.

When Taehoon starts making new friends, he tries to keep them away from you for as long as possible. But of course, things rarely go according to plan. They eventually catch wind of the fact that he has a younger sister, and they insist on meeting you. He knows that they’re under the impression that you’re a mini version of him, and he also knows that they’ll be shocked when they realise how nice you are.

Eventually, he caves and agrees to let them meet you, only once you say yes. His only rule is that they aren’t allowed to record you - he doesn’t want any of your personal life on the internet, especially not your face.

Obviously, they’re all shocked when they meet you. Who knew someone as intimidating as Taehoon could have such a lovely younger sister? They’re even more shocked when they witness how kind he is to you, treating you far better than he treats any of them. 

When Hobin askes why he’s so nice to you but so mean to everyone else, he receives a swift kick to the back, followed by Taehoon telling him to “stop asking such stupid questions”.

You’re whisked away by Gaeul and Rumi who quickly adopt you as their younger sister / best friend. Honestly, they’re really the only two Taehoon allows near you for a while - he glares at everyone else whenever they try to approach you.

Boys are definitely off limits until you’re old and grey - something he’s sure to remind you of as often as he can.

After the fiasco of meeting everyone for the first time, his friends quickly become your friends. 

****

Taehoon makes a habit of taking you out once a week. It’s something that both of you look forward to, so he’s sure to always make time for it.

He usually takes you out for breakfast or lunch, or to the arcade for a few hours - really whatever you feel like doing. Of course he pays, no matter how much you protest about it being equal and fair.

Spoiling you is something that he does regularly. He buys you snacks and small gifts every few days and brushes off your thanks each time. 

The only thing he askes for in return is some time with you - or on the rare occasion - physical affection.

You’re the only person he accepts it from, so you’re more than happy to smother him in a hug when he askes, because he rarely does. 

Any small gift you get him will be immensely treasured and he’d take care of it like his life depended on it.

Taehoon also loves your smile - he always tells you how it brightens his day. 

You’re the furthest thing from being insecure because he compliments you all the time. If people ever try to point out a flaw or make you feel bad about yourself, he makes sure to tell you that they’re wrong. Because of him, you don’t really think about how you look, and it’s never been a concern.

****

Taehoon keeps you out of all of his problems. 

Mainly because he doesn’t want you to worry, but also because he doesn’t want you to get involved. 

Because you look up to him, you try to do many things the way he does it. You’re also fiercely protective of him, and you hate when people badmouth him or try to hurt him.

Obviously he wants to avoid getting you involved, so he doesn’t tell you a lot about his life outside of what you’re a part of.

If someone has a problem with him, and they decide to take their anger out on you - well, let’s just say he called the ambulance before he arrived.

Sometimes he comes off as a bit harsh with you, but he only treats you that way to keep you safe - and you know that, so you don’t push him.

He’s definitely willing to drop a few bodies to keep you safe - not that you’ll ever find out if he does.

Overall, he’s a great older brother. He keeps you safe and happy, and gives you basically everything you want.

The only things he won’t agree to are boys (or girls), and you fighting anyone but him - he doesn’t want you getting hurt and he can’t make sure that other people will go easy on you.

He wouldn’t be too crazy protective, but he isn’t against locking you in your room for a few hours if he has to.

[sobredunia]

Noah!! :D

It's been a while since I've last drawn her lmao. Like half a year actually. I should give my girlie some more love her hair's fun to do

@rotkad @butchlesbianyaoi-deactivated2024 @blackfright @beetroot-merchant @ashs-hellhole @h3xt0r @bree-sae @helloidkwhatimdoing-0 @zecrisketch

[classof2004]

IS ADDISON RAE BECOMING A FASHION IT GIRL?

Addison as Kate Moss.

Let's discuss.

Everyone has heard about Addison Rae, right? but for a lot of people, just a couple months ago she wasn't more than another "cringy" (their words, not mine!) tiktoker that didn't really influence the fashion game in any way. But this has changed recently. Somehow, and after her gradual style change, hftwt and other fashion communities on the internet have been obsessing over her outfits. Keep reading for a glance of her newest looks and my opinion on this.

-

1

This candid. Something about her casual, sporty yet feminine look added to her wided earphones and sunglasses seemed liked by hftwt. It's a really normal outfit, but here we are starting to see what we see in, for instance, Bella Hadid's street looks. People even started to say that she is "so cousin", referring that she still didn't quite serve the "mother" looks, but is going for a good path.

2

Addison dresses up as Lady Gaga in the 2009 VMAs "Paparazzi" performance for Halloween. Hftwt LOVED this look. The iconic pop culture reference, the pictures and the custome being so well executed made her worthy of a place in fashion enthusiats' favorite customes. For me, this was a serve and one of the few actually original customes worn by celebrities.

3

Wearing Gareth Pugh at the CFDA Fashion Awards. This avant-garde look was stunning on her. The black on the waist making a snatched silouetthe and the half hood really drawn my attention. People seemed to like this look too.

4

In vintage Jean Louis de Scherrer for the LACMA gala, a.k.a., hftwt's latest obsession. This shiny look is everything, and I love how her stylist is bringing back vintage pieces on her because it works. He also chose this necklace that completed AND upgraded the dress.

Addison's stylist

Do you know what Taylor Russel and Addison Rae have in common? You're right; their stylist, Ryan Hastings. I seemed some kind of similarity with Taylor's looks in the 3rd outfit, and I can only say that thank you Ryan for your work because you're feeding the fashion girlies.

Final thoughts

Honestly, I'm obsessing a bit over her too. Since noticing her style change early this year, I've been thinking about how she had the potential to become an It-Girl. Now, with her new stylist, we can only wait to see her more and more involved in the fashion game. What do you think? Do you believe she's becoming a fashion influencer? Do you like her looks or just don't get the hype?

[fyodorloveclub]

Hewwo! Imma snag a match up if you don't mind. I am ok with my name (Quinn) being used. I'm 21 and I'm not in school however I do have a full time job. I work at an improvement store/ warehouse like job with forklifts and heavy objects. I work with power tools and outdoor stuff so I'm pretty knowledgeable in basic hardware and outdoorsy stuff. Im a rather tall gal with a bit of muscle especially in my thighs, arms and abs (I lift a lot of heavy stuff at my job.) I've got brown eyes and about shoulder length hair that's naturally brown but I have my ends bleached. I wear glasses and I have tattoos which I love showing off. My style is a mix of both boyish and girly; I can wear sweat pants, t shirts and my big ugly work boots one day and a skirt and cute heels and makeup the next. I'm very goofy and joke around all the time. Sarcasm is my language and I don't take anything seriously. I'm very sociable so i love talking to people and being around friends and such. I'm kinda a people pleaser which is both a good characteristic and a flaw. Even though I joke around and may not act serious sometimes, I treat everyone I can with respect and genuinely try to show I care for them. I'm also pretty adventurous. Its also kinda safe to say im pretty nerdy as well lol. I love to draw, write, read, and play video games. I love plants, anime, reptiles, and cats 🐈. I LOVE slasher/ scary movies, any of them are great to me. Not a whole lot I dislike tbh. Personally. I don't care if this is nsfw or sfw. I guess whatever you feel! I'm pretty ok with either. I'm not picky with any character whatsoever I love all bsd characters. Thank you if you do mine I will greatly appreciate it and cherish it forever 💗🥺

Quinn x Odasaku

✧ your perfect man is the one and only odasaku, congrats im not jealous at all

✧ you give off very laid back, go with the flow type vibes and i think you and oda would coexist so well

✧ he would SO be into your handiwork abilities and outdoorsiness, it definitely would be something the two of you could bond over

✧ a woman that can change a flat tire and fix a clogged sink? sexy as fuck.

✧ AND SHES TALL AND MUSCLY??? EVEN SEXIER

✧ even visually the two of you would fit so well

✧ he loves your sociable and goofy personality, and you often help him to come out of his shell since he tends to be a bit drawn back. he sometimes finds it a little intimidating to meet and talk to new people, but if you're there, he's laughing and joking with them like they've been friends for years

✧ he can also be pretty sarcastic and dry though, so your humors would mesh well

✧ oda would find you just as sexy in sweatpants and work boots as he would in a mini skirt or even lingerie

✧ this is potentially just me making this up but i see oda as a huge animal lover, and the two of you accidentally accumulating a small zoo over time. like it started out as just one cat and then another, and then you brought home a leopard gecko and when you asked for that bearded dragon he just couldn't say no. maybe throw some ball pythons in there too. except you'd have to be the one to feed the mice to the snakes, it would make him too sad

✧ oda is such a sweetheart and literally no matter what your hobbies or interests are, he so would entertain your every thought and listen to everything you had to say. whatever new anime or video game you wanted to rant about, he was right next to you with just the kindest, softest smile and genuine interest in his eyes.

✧ and he'd LOVE your art. like the meme drawings you post like the one of you trying to find the pool at the hotel he'd find that so fucking funny

✧ nsfw: oda just so seems the type to love body worship. sex that takes hours just because he loves every single part of you and your body and wants to take all the time in the world to kiss every inch of your skin and tell you you’re so fucking beautiful so many times the words start to lose meaning. he loves missionary with you just because he needs to see all of you laid out underneath him for him to stare at, needs to see your beautiful face contort and the way your body reacts to every thrust. and mf is really fucking good at giving head bc he wants to pull as many whines and whimpers of his name. he truly just WORSHIPS u goddamn!

✧ power couple. bc i said so

[transboythoughts]

Personal dilemmas

I've been journaling a lot lately and for some reason think it's a good idea to do that on the internet for the whole world to potentially see. But really I'm just lonely and don't feel like I can talk to anyone in my real life.

I've made a lot of mistakes since I came out as trans and I'm kind of hoping that someone might read this and tell me they understand.

I came out publicly about 2.5 years ago after questioning my gender for a year. I was in a fortunate position where I was over 18 so didn't have to worry about permission from anyone, so I started transitioning straight away. I've been on T for 2 years and I'm 1 year post-op for top surgery. I've never felt better about my body and people actually see me as a guy which is more than I ever thought possible.

But like I said before, I have made a lot of mistakes. None of them had to do with my medical transition, that I have absolutely no regrets about. The social aspects of my transition however have been less than stellar.

If anyone does read this, I would like to say that everything I have to say further I can only say because I have thought about it extensively and now have the understanding and language to write about why I did the things I did. But at the time of these events, I was blind to my reasons and purely acting out of my emotions.

So, let's go back to when I came out. I was really nervous and took my time to tell people individually. My friends were first. I knew them all from high school and, like I knew they would be, they were very accepting. My family was also accepting. There was still awkwardness with some more extended family members but overall it went very positively. But through this whole coming out process I was just waiting for the other shoe to drop. I was convinced that people weren't as accepting as they said they were and that they would all abandon me eventually. So I became very distant. I stopped talking to my sister as much, I froze my mum out (but that's a long story and involves a lot of history that isn't just me being trans), and I essentially broke up with all of my friends.

But it wasn't just as cut and dry as that. It was a long drawn-out process of people trying to reach me and talk to me and asking if I was okay. And I was telling everyone I was totally fine, that I was happy, and that I still wanted them in my life. I would make plans with my friends, and then cancel last minute. I would leave messages unread for days or weeks from people that I used to speak to daily. And while I was clearly not okay, I wasn't in a headspace to understand that. Every time someone tried to talk to me about it and explain how my distancing myself was affecting them, I became so defensive. Well, defensive internally. I was so convinced that I was okay that I couldn't see how my actions didn't line up with that. So I kept telling everyone that I was okay, or it was just dysphoria and that I really appreciated them checking in and promised we would really hang out soon.

I really thought I was lying when I said it was dysphoria causing me to distance myself. I was using it as an excuse when people didn't let up on their concerns because no one argued with it. But I was lying to myself. I had only ever thought of dysphoria in terms of my body. Like how I saw myself in the mirror and how others made assumptions about me based on my body. I hadn't given any thought to how much social dysphoria was affecting me and still does. I was trying to run away from anything I associated with my "old life" as a girl because everything I was was too girly and I couldn't handle it. The thought that everyone who knew me as a girl for the first 21 years of my life could never see me as the man I am and that we couldn't have the same relationships as before, it consumed me.

I don't deal well with conflict or anything I perceive as potential conflict, so I avoided everyone. Eventually, after this had been going on for months, my friends confronted me. It was over messages, and they came to me with concern and zero malice and asked just one last time if I could please just talk to them and if we could hang out and just be in each others lives. And I said no. I told them that I didn't appreciate them attacking me and that I couldn't do this anymore. I said that I needed to deal with things on my own and I would come back when I was ready. I then left all the group chats I was part of with them and deleted messenger so I wouldn't get notifications if they tried to message me. But they didn't. I had just basically told them to fuck off after almost 10 years of friendship, so why would they. I had fucked with their emotions for months and then gone back on everything I had said about appreciating them. I threw away our friendship, and at the time I felt nothing.

A similar thing happened with my sister. We got really close during COVID lockdowns after having a rocky relationship before. Being stuck in the same house without anything else to do really helped us bond after 20 years. She was understandably concerned when I came out that we wouldn't have the same sisterly connection, and I promised I wouldn't let that happen. But like with my friends, I became distant and stopped talking to her as much. We lived together at the time so obviously we still saw each other, but our relationship wasn't the same. She would try to raise her concerns about me and get me to talk. But I was doing the same thing I always do, and trying to convince everyone that I was okay because I couldn't admit to myself that I wasn't. She accused me of changing, but I didn't think I had so I denied it and said it was just dysphoria making things hard for me. I was avoiding my mum at the same time and my sister felt like our family was falling apart. It got to the point where she told me that she wasn't going to try anymore and that if I wanted a relationship with her then it would all be on me. And we've barely spoken since. That was a year and a half ago. During that time I have moved out with my partner, and now that I don't see my sister daily, we've spoken even less.

I'm noticing a pattern in my life. Every time I feel uncomfortable I want to run away. When I was a kid this wasn't possible because I didn't break rules, so I just fantasised about starting over somewhere new away from my problems. I have such a strong instinct to run away from everything and start over where no one knows me, and I didn't realise that that's exactly what I did. I didn't see it because it wasn't how I pictured. It wasn't physically leaving, but I did run away. And I thought I was okay with it was a long while. Internally I was blaming everyone else for abandoning me just like I had thought they would. But, I had created a self-fulling prophecy by letting myself be consumed by my own self-hatred. Because what I was really doing was trying to run away from my own uncomfortable thoughts and emotions, and I distanced myself from anyone that showed concern because that reminded me of what I was trying to avoid.

I can only see how I affected people now because I've finally stopped blaming everyone else. It is my own fault that I feel so lonely. But it's a different kind of loneliness. All my life I've felt lonely, even when I had friends because I never trusted that any of them loved me and so I never talked to anyone about how I felt. I've always hidden the "unpleasant" parts of myself to not be a burden. And after a life of telling people what I think they want to hear and doing what I think other people want me to do, I'm exhausted.

I doubled down on my people-pleasing after cutting myself off because I didn't want to lose anyone else. I only had my partner and my dad left. But now I'm in a place where I'm miserable every day because all my choices in the past two years have been to uphold the lie that I'm okay and happy. It terrifies me to think about actually telling people the truth about how I'm feeling because it involves admitting to years worth of lies and it's going to hurt them more to find out now than if I had just been honest in the first place.

I have tried to fix things with my friends and family, but I did too much damage for it to be fixed. Now I face a choice: do I keep pretending for the rest of my life, or do I do the right thing and admit to my lies? Because one option involves being miserable for the rest of my life, and the other will cause misery in others. I know the option I have to take and it's the one I want to choose. I just haven't let myself actively pursue the decision because it terrifies me since I don't know the outcome.

But that's getting off-topic. The point of this post was to get off my chest about how I've been feeling regarding cutting myself off from my loved ones. I wish I had a great life lesson or something to come away with. I guess this is more what I wish I knew would happen two years ago.

So I'll end this with some advice that I would give my slightly younger self (even though I wouldn't have listened). I'll preface this by saying that this would be advice I'd give myself in my very specific situation, so it may not apply to others.

To me from 2021,

Please believe it when people you care about say they love you. And please learn to communicate how you feel and what you want, because the people who love you do want to help, you just won't let them.

Also, this whole trying-to-please-everyone thing is going to burn you out very soon. Just take care of yourself first even if you think it's selfish. You desperately need to actually do something about making yourself happy, because thinking and writing it all out can only go so far. I know it's hard, but it's never going to be 'the right time' and you're never going to feel like you can. Go in scared and maybe just maybe, you'll end up in a better place.

Sincerely,

Your future self

[chanfictions]

May I please request a drabble with Anko x uzumaki fem reader? (She can be narutos older sister or aunt) Where R is a seal mistress and finds a way to remove the cursed seal. And anko (who's been wanting to jump her bones since they meet just looses it and shows how grateful she is. They end up giving eachother different marks (bite marks, kissmark, hickeys) and Anko being all happy and smug for finally getting the girl. With nsfw and fluff please

Hey anon! Thank you for patiently waiting for as long as you have. I'm sorry if this is a little short, but Anko has been a real struggle for me after I dumped all of my smutty soul into Game Night. I hope you still enjoy!

Un-Cursed Marks

Anko x fem!Uzumaki!Reader

Lightly smutty, but still calling this 18+ content. Minors, DNI!

Fingering, biting, Anko being a tease.

1k

Wide-eyed and stunned in utter disbelief, Anko panted and swallowed back the dry lump in her throat as she fought to catch her breath. She sat shirtless at your feet in a ring of intricate runes and glyphs that you had painstakingly drawn upon the floor in the basement of one of the buildings typically used for the chunin exams. You smiled softly down at her when she reached back to place her hand on yours, where it was resting gently over where Orochimaru's curse mark once branded her shoulder.

"Is it…?" she breathed questioningly, almost afraid to finish her sentence.

"Gone? Yep! I told you I could do it," you declared triumphantly, lifting your hand up to show her.

Anko twisted around, giving you a delightful view of her ample, perky tits, contorting herself in order to see what she just couldn't believe. "I… I don't know how to thank you enough for this. I've wanted to rip that damn mark off my skin for so many years and you… you just erased it like it was nothing."

"Secret family recipe," you winked.

"It feels kinda weird," she laughed weakly, rubbing the spot.

"Weird how?" You cocked your head, brow knotting in concern as you knelt down and softly slid your hand back over her bare shoulder where the mark once sat.

"Well, I'm kind of used to it just aching all the time," she admitted, rubbing the back of her head in embarrassment as her cheeks flushed a pretty pink.

"That might take some getting used to," you said, squeezing her shoulder reassuringly.

Peering up at you through her wild bangs with her lip caught between her teeth, Anko placed her hand atop yours again. "Actually… I can think of something that might help…" A devious grin slowly crept across her face as her fingers interlaced with yours.

Immediately, your face flamed as you caught the lustful glint in her eye. Admittedly, the sexual tension between the two of you had always been thick enough to cut with a knife ever since you first met. Anko was gorgeous, and you had harbored a secret crush on her for ages, but you were just too shy and weighed down by village regulations to tell her as much. "I, um, w-well--" you stammered like a smitten schoolgirl as she slid your hand down from her shoulder across her soft skin onto her chest.

"I saw you lookin', girlie," she teased with a cheshire grin. "I know you're thinking what I'm thinking," she purred.

A squeak buzzed in your throat as the heat in your face magnified. "A-anko! N-no--I mean yes, but here?? What if we get caught?"

"I'm not worried," Anko hummed while reaching forward and brushing her fingers along your jaw, trailing down the front of your neck until she got a handful of your shirt and pulled you toward her, capturing you in a hungry, heated kiss.

You melted into her touch with an unexpected knot of excitement swirling in your belly. This was actually happening. A cute little moan breezed your lips against hers as you ran your palms over her bare chest, softly cupping those positively glorious tits. Anko purred, keening into your hands as she yanked you down onto the ground with a coy smirk, flipping you onto your back as she straddled your hips, running her palms under your shirt and swiftly pulling it over your head. What a sight that was. "Gods, you're gorgeous," you breathed in awe as you took the sight of her in.

"Not so bad yourself," Anko cooed, leaning down and nipping at your earlobe. "Now, what do you say you let me thank you properly for removing that curse mark, hm?" The clasp at the front of your bra popped open under her fingertips to punctuate her inquiry.

"I--ohh!" You gasped in surprise as she dipped her head down to capture a pebbled bud between her teeth with a playful bite. Arching your back with a stifled moan, you tangled your fingers into her hair as she left a trail of hot hisses and scrapes of teeth up to your neck where she latched on, blooming a hot bruise under your skin. With a giggle, you twisted your legs and flipped her over, pinning her beneath you instead. "Two can play that game," you grinned, hands still tangled in her hair as you leaned down to return the favor, sinking your teeth into her shoulder where Orochimaru's brand once painted her skin.

"Oh, fuck -- that's so much better, "Anko groaned, digging her fingers into your hip and sliding her hands around to unbutton your pants as you peppered kisses from the new mark on her shoulder along her jaw. You kissed and tongued your way down her chest until you heard another mischievous giggle, and Anko flipped you off of her again with a sparkling lust in her eyes, pinning your hands to your chest. "Now, I said I wanted to thank you, missy," she tutted, leaning down over you with a wicked smirk, slipping her free and behind her down the front of your silky panties. You gasped as her fingers dipped into your shockingly slick folds. "Oh, is that for me?" She teased, dragging her fingers over your throbbing clit.

"Hnn, yes," you breathed, arching into her touch, a knot of desire coiling tightly in your core.

"Naughty girl," she hummed, rubbing teasingly soft circles around your soaked bud.

"Anko--" you whined pathetically.

Anko giggled, sliding a finger into your fluttering hole. "Yes?"

You squeaked, squirming under her in response.

"Oh, did you want more?" She taunted playfully, adding a second and languidly pumped them into you.

"Uh huh," you moaned.

Anko hummed in delight, sliding them back out of you for a moment and leaving you achingly empty as she shifted forward to capture your taught nipple in her mouth, suckling softly and drawing a throaty moan from your lips and then leaving a trail of branding bites along your collarbones. "Mmm… what do you say we go back to my place and finish this?" She purred in a sultry tone over the sound of your panting.

"My place is closer," you breathed desperately.

Anko gazed down at you with a smug, devious smile cracking at her lips. "I hope your walls aren't too thin."

[iruma-san-is-my-waifu]

Welcome to my Blog

Hello! I'm Leo, and I'm new here to Tumblr! However, my girlfriend who often posts on here, @dangan-millie-madness, showed me around on her phone, so I have a steady understanding of how this site works! But enough talking about that, lets talk about my new blog!

About Me

As stated before, my name is Leo! I'm a 21 year old college student, a trans mtf girl, and someone who likes to draw every once in a while! I'm @dangan-millie-madness's girlfriend (we started dating a few days ago 😊), and I'm a proud dog mother (I have two German Shepherds, Mieko and Millie). As mentioned before, I'm transgender from Male to Female, and I'm actually gonna get my top surgery in 3 weeks from now, which is really exciting! I've been trans for quite a while, technically since I was around 4. Whenever my mom and dad would take me out, I would instantly want dresses and dolls and all sorts of girly things, and I continued wanting these things throughout my childhood. I refused to let my parents cut my hair since it was "Super cute", and my parents just eventually accepted that I was a girl at heart and let me do these things. When I was around the age of 10, I literally just said, "I think I'm a girl." One night at dinner. Honestly, my parents didn't seem too surprised to hear this, and within a week, my friends, family, and teachers were using female pronouns for me. To add onto this, I've always sounded very girly, so it wasn't hard to try and picture my voice as female either. I'm pretty glad that I had and still have people in my life that are supportive because my childhood could've gone awfully if my parents and friends weren't so, "Eh, yeah, you're a girl, we can tell, we respect that, what's up girly." I'm a really chill and nice person, I kin Amami from Danganronpa, and you all know how chill he is. I think that that's all I need for my introduction!

What is this Tumblr Blog gonna be about?

This is going to be a mainly Danganronpa and Art based blog, with the main theme being Danganronpa. Danganronpa wise, I plan on posting these types of things:

~ Fanart

~ Fancomics

~ Ask/tell Amami, Kiibo, Momota, and Akamatsu

~ Fanfiction

~ Character Icons

~ My OCs

Art wise, I plan to post these types of things:

~ My OCs art

~ Fanart

~ Fancomics

~ OC Comics

~ Self drawn memes

~ Art bases

Other points of contact?

Yes, I have a couple more points of contact!

~ My and my friends Danganronpa GC (anyone is welcome to join if they like Danganronpa): https://ouma-s-panta-shop.mn.co

~ Email: LeoMickens33@gmail.com

Thank you for reading through! I'd appreciate and likes and follows right off the bat, but it sure isn't necessary.

[ruby-read]

mid-year book freak out tag! - 2021

best book so far

a court of mist and fury by sarah j maas - 5 / 5 stars

need i say more? it was just so good.

best sequel so far

bitterblue by kristin cashore - 5 / 5 stars

i don't think i have talked about the graceling realm series and how much i love it on here but here i am.

i loved every book in this series but bitterblue stood out to me because even though it was incredibly long, it kept me gripped throughout. there was an unsolvable mystery (maybe im dense though) that kept me guessing for hundreds of pages and just a glimmer of romance which i usually miss when its not there but this stood on its own without it.

i thought bitterblue was an extremely strong character and it was a great ending to a companion trilogy (before winterkeep was announced and continued it). also, loved seeing all of the characters come together at the end and seeing katsa and po pop in and out.

new release i haven't read yet but want to

the nature of witches by rachel griffin realm breaker by victoria aveyard

something about witches and elemental magic just sounds so awesome to me and i am just so drawn to this book.

and i am currently enjoying the red queen series and love a good found family so im hoping to love realm breaker. ive heard mixed things so im gonna lower my expectations a little but still excited.

most anticipated release for the second half of the year

these hollow vows by lexi ryan aurora's end by *** ******** graceling: the graphic novel by kristin cashore six crimson cranes by elizabeth lim the hawthorne legacy by jennifer lynn barnes

idk why i am so excited about these hollow vows but i am and i think it's just gonna be a (hopefully) exciting fantasy romance. im hoping for two sexy men and a bad BITCHHH of a main character.

ive heard only amazing things about six crimson cranes so i am very very excited! i've been waiting for this book i think since january and its almost finally here!

aurora's end (even though the authors are cancelled) i NEED to finish the series then they will officially never receive my money again. the cliffhanger at the end of aurora burning was so incredibly uncool and so now i have no choice but to see what happens in the finale.

the graceling graphic novel. do i need to explain myself?

and the hawthorne legacy is the next installment in the inheritance games series and i really enjoyed the first book! the mystery and the way patterns were worked into it really had me intrigued and i was itching to know what was happening for the entire book. so excited to see what happens in the next one!

biggest disappointment

the crown of gilded bones by jennifer l armentrout - currently on pause/possible dnf

this book was just so boring but also SO much happened in the first 50 pages that i was honestly incredibly confused? and there was just overwhelming info-dumping about the history of the world and an underdeveloped plot. idk i just couldn't get into it (which was really disappointing bc i loved akofaf). thinking of dnfing...

biggest surprise

crown of midnight by sarah j maas - 4.5 / 5 stars

ok so. i really did not enjoy throne of glass. after reading the acotar series and then jumping into throne of glass, i hated the love triangle, the intrigue wasnt enough to get me engaged until the last third, etc. sooo i was even considering not reading the rest of the series. but of course like the sjm stan that i am, i had to. and this one was so good. i wrote a review on it so if your interested in more in depth thoughts go take a peak!

favorite new author (debut or new to me)

kristin cashore!

the way that she writes political mystery in her world is so good. not a single time did i have a correct guess on what was happening. i also loved how her books had strong woman main characters, but they all had agency in a different way. and how the romance subplots were small but enough to keep the romantic in me satisfied, but also didnt take away from the main heroines story. ugh just so good! love u girly <3

new fictional crush

aaron warner (shatter me series by tahereh mafi)

ok i know hes kind of like super crazy and kind of creepy obsessed, but also like.... cmon. hes kinda super hot too. and i kind of love the i hate everyone but you trope....

art credit: @jessdraw.s

new favorite character

lara (bridge kingdom series by danielle l jensen)

her strength, her agency, her ability to unlearn everything she grew up believing, her power. an amazing and complex character.

art credit: @rosiesfables

books that made me cry

a court of wings and ruin by sarah j maas

if you've read this book u understand why. there was a happy ending for our two main characters at the end but the war that ensued at the end of this book was just fucking heart wrenching and so beautiful at parts i will never forget everything that happened.

books that made me happy

heartstopper vol. 1 by alice oseman

i feel like this series is great for young readers (12-17). it teaches about friendship, sexuality, mental health, asking for help, how to offer help, etc. and tons of really diverse representation throughout. i wish this existed when i was younger.

it made me happy to think about young people reading this series and feeling seen and validated. and about how openly alice oseman illustrates difficult topics and how to deal with them. just made my heart swell.

most beautiful book bought/gifted so far

the ones we're meant to find by joan he

i mean... its gorgeous!!

books i need to read by the end of the year

crescent city by sarah j maas

again as a stan i need to finish this before the end of the year bc i have only heard good things and the second book comes out jan 2022.

favorite book to movie adaptation so far

moxie, shadow and bone, brigerton lol (and very excited about along for the ride!!)

2021 reading stats so far...

45 books read

35,000 pages read

11 ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ reads

4.13 average rating

thanks so much for reading my mid-year update! happy reading! : )

[mooncaps]

On the one hand, I kind of hate that it took me so long to start asking myself the deeper questions I was afraid to ask about gender. I feel like I've already wasted my best years, so even if I decided to fully pursue girl mode, I'd still never be a young pretty girl. I'd just be this middle-aged, poorly-cared-for body, but presenting femme.

On the other hand, there's something kind of freeing in it. Much as I might wish I could've done things differently when I was younger, I can't change that. So it sort of alleviates some of the pressure to figure all this stuff out as quickly as possible. It really doesn't matter much if it takes me another year or even another ten years to define myself. My 37 year old body and my 47 year old body probably won't be dramatically different from each other. Certainly neither will be the 17 year old body I wish I'd taken better care of.

It's not the most comforting type of freedom, but it does take a little pressure off. I've been telling myself that if I want to try to be feminine, I need to do it ASAP because my body's just going to keep getting older and grosser, but the young and beautiful ship has already sailed. And I'm trying to see that fact in the positive way. 37 or 47, too late is still too late.

Yeah, that's already starting to sound depressing again. This is one of the reasons it's taken me a while to unravel this gender stuff. I've been asking myself on and off for years if there might really be a trans girl buried in the deeper layers of this onion that is myself. I've wondered if I'm so drawn to stories about teen girls because I never got to be a teen girl. I've wondered why every time I've ever told myself I'm not a girl the question keeps coming back around anyway. But is it genuine if I wouldn't want to just be rule 63 me? I'd want to be a beautiful girl, not my ugly self as a girl. So if there is a trans girl buried in the deepest parts of my heart, she's very much tangled up in beauty standards and probably other misogynist ideals. Because my body as it is with just feminine presentation or features would still leave me feeling like I wasn't good enough.

And I know logically that I should just love my body as it ages and changes, even if it has scars, with or without hair on top of my head, even if I've been graying since I was 25, with or without those missing teeth, whether or not I'm fat. That stuff's part of living a life, especially when your energy is consumed with piecing yourself back together after trauma, trying to stay on top of things with undiagnosed neurodivergence, and surviving in anxiety/depression combo hell. I think I was doing my best, even if I wish I could've done more. I'm trying not be too hard on myself. Bodies change and we should be able to love them all throughout our lives. I want to be able to find that kind of love for myself.

Yet I'm in mourning for the me I never got to be. Not even just the gender stuff. There's trauma stuff and neurodivergent stuff that leaves me wondering about who I could've been if I'd had more support in those areas. Definitely also the gender stuff though. I've wanted to, at the very least, be feminine since I was six years old, maybe earlier. And I think when I pushed that wish down is when I started dying inside a little more each day after that.

Looking back, that Halloween memory I shared recently feels like a major pivot point in my life. It feels like the things that came after were as much about distraction and living vicariously as any genuine joy, as much about escaping myself as expressing myself. Like that's when I accepted that life could never be what I wanted, that I could never be what I wanted, and then I began to steadily learn that I couldn't succeed at being what society wanted from me either. I tried to make being weird my brand for a while, even after mostly giving up on being girly, but that would eventually sink into the rising tide of rejection sensitivity and fear of judgment too. Barely any of my willingness to be weird is above the surface now when I'm offline.

Wow, this post went all over the place. I think the broader point I was trying to make is that I'm mourning for what I never got to be, but I'm trying to embrace the freedom of being able to take my time to figure out what I can make of whatever's left of me.

We'll see how long that logic keeps hyperfixation brain from coming back to the topic again.

[jadekitty777]

I debated so hard on what words to pick for my request but! I think I've finally settled on "Trust" and "Dance"! Tbh I know you only sent me one word, though, so if you would rather just pick one or the other and go with that, that's totally fine! Whatever tickles your fancy, honestly. I'll be happy to read any Taiqrow you write askldfm

Me: Drabble? That’s like five thousand words, right?

I’m pretty sure getting me to write something concisely is moreimpossible than finding Atlantis. But I’m so super pleased with how this oneturned out. Also, I re-wrote the summary no less than six times.

Title: Won’t Say, Don’t Say (I’m Falling in Love)

Summary: A bitter loner and a hopeless romantic walk into a bar onenight… and you all know how this joke ends, don’t you? [Modern AU]

Rating: T

Pairings: Taiqrow and Raven/Summer

AO3 Link: Right Here!

~

The bumping sounds of bass spilled out the door of the danceclub as it was opened and then closed with the admittance of another patron,moving the rest of those waiting in line another blissful inch. Tai steppedforward, grateful they were almost to the front. He rocked on his heels toalleviate some of the ache in his knees, looking down when he felt Summer latchonto his arm. She had probably spent an hour in front of the mirror, each bitof her make-up so immaculately placed, with glitter accents around her eyesthat would sparkle under the colored lights once they hit the floor. She wasdefinitely dressed to impress tonight.

“Ooh, I can’t wait for you to meet them!”

He resisted the urge to roll his eyes. It was probably thefifth time he’s heard that since he’d agreed to join her.  “Don’t get tooexcited Sums. I came along to have fun, not find a date.”

“Yeah, you say that, buuuut-” She trailed off, letting therest of the sentence hang.

“Hey, I’ve been getting better!” He argued, tucking his facein his collar.

“To get better, you need to actually date someoneTai. Not avoid dating entirely. That’s called ‘ignoring the problem.’.”

“I’m not ignoring it. I’m just… taking a break!”

“Uh-huh. Sure.”

Tai sighed. He knew there really wasn’t any use in arguing.He was pretty sure there was some unwritten universal law that if you knew aperson for more than fifteen years, it was impossible to lie to them. Or maybehe just couldn’t lie to the one girl that he introduced himself to by placing acrown of dandelions on her head while declaring her as his ‘forever flowerprincess’. She responded to such an honest declaration of love in the way anyeight-year-old should: By calling him a stupid dum-dum and throwing sand in hisface.

They’d been best friends ever since.

Of course, having such an honorary place in his life alsomeant that she got to watch from a front row seat whenever he got his heartbroken. Almost like a true movie-goer, the first few times she saw the storyplay out, her heart-strings tugged at his every struggle and pain. By the tenth time,she was yelling at the screen for him to stop making the same stupid decisionsbefore the first scene was even over. Eventually, those criticisms and hisaching chest got through to him, and he decided to just stop performingaltogether.

He had a suspicion that because the screen had stayed blackfor more than a year now, his biggest fan had grown bored with the lack ofentertainment. Why else would she try to turn herself into a director?

“I’m just saying, if you meet someone you like, you shouldgive it a chance.” She jabbed her elbow into his side. “I know you miss beingsomeone’s prince.”

He nudged her back, but her smile was too infectious not tocatch. “Oh, shut up.”

“You know you love me.” She said. A buzzing drew herattention and she pulled out her phone from her handbag. Tai’s assumptions thatit was her girlfriend was proven right when Summer announced, “Raven saidthey’re at the corner of the bar when we get inside.”

Just in time too, because they were next in line. Afterbeing carded and screened, they were allowed inside. It was like walking fromnight into day, the air turning from brisk and breezy to heavy and hot withinseconds of entering the club, the ground under his feet seeming to shake withevery beat of the rhythm blasting from the speakers. Tai had to blink awayspots as he adjusted to the flashing lights.

Summer stood on her tiptoes, scoping out the room. “Oh, Isee them!” She tugged him along as she weaved around the crowd and straighttowards a pair sitting at the quieter end of the bar. His eyes were drawn tothe female of the two, impressed by the wild, black hair cascading down herback. “Rae!”

And it was she who turned to that call, giving him his firstgood look at the mysterious girlfriend he’d been hearing about for weeks. Shewas as stunning as Summer had gushed over, her facial features a perfectcontrast of sharp in the nose and chin, yet delicate in the pale moonlit whiteof her skin and eyes red like gemstones. He may have even thought herdangerous, if not for the way her lips eased into a welcoming smile.

Summer unlatched herself from him, skirting the last fewfeet forward and right into her arms. And then she leaned up and – okay yeah,he didn’t need to watch his admittedly gorgeous friend kissing an equallygorgeous woman. It probably wasn’t good for his health.

Taiyang avoided it by focusing on the second half of the pair,whom was now leaning back against the counter. As he met dusky red eyes, heswore he heard his mind screech to a halt.

For if there was ever a person that perfectly defined bothstrikingly handsome and breathtakingly beautiful, that was Qrow Branwen. It washard to pinpoint exactly what made him so, other than to say all of him. From slicked back, coal-darkhair to the hint of stubble that accented an angled jawline or the too-tightdress shirt with the top two buttons undone, revealing just enough to tease, tothe long legs that couldn’t teasetheir flexibility, every bit of him seemed to just be another something to appreciate.He was like a puzzle; the pieces alone didn’t seem like much, but when puttogether the correct way it became a work of art.

Qrow shot him an easygoing smile, tilting his half-fullglass as a greeting wave. “Hey, you must be Tai.”

Dear gods, and a voice that sounded like it was constantlywrecked by sex. That was just notfair.

He swallowed hard against his suddenly dry throat. “Yeah.And you’re Qrow. Hey.” He tacked on lamely. What a night to lose his charisma.

Thankfully, he wasn’t left to flounder long as Raven spokeup, “And I’m Raven. Charmed, really.” Her arms made a loose circle aroundSummer’s waist, tugging her close. “So, now that we’re all acquainted: Drinksor dance floor?”

Knowing there was no way in hell he was getting on the floorwithout being at least semi-drunk, Tai quickly offered, “I vote drinks” just asSummer said, “I want to dance!”

Qrow gestured to his own glass as a sign of his own opinion.

Raven shrugged, slipping off her bar stool. “Guess we’resplitting up then.” She pulled off the leather jacket, tossing it over herbrother’s head. “Be a good coat rack and hold that for me.”

He yanked it off, saying irritably, “Three songs and thenwe’re switching.”

“We’ll see.”

As they bickered, Summer turned to him, the glitter aroundher face only accenting her puppy-dog gaze as she held her girly handbag towardshim. “Please?”

Tai rolled his eyes, hooking his fingers around the strap.“Go have fun.”

“You’re the best!” She beamed, before following after Raven,walking so close they practically melded at the hip.

In the wake of their departure, the appointed coat racktipped his head towards the now empty bar stool, in which the appointed pursehook gratefully took.

Qrow swung himself around, flagging down the bartender as heasked him, “So, what’s your taste?”

It took Tai a moment to realize he meant for alcohol. “Oh,uh, Four Roses, if they have it.”

A whistle. “A bourbon man, huh? Didn’t take ya for thetype.”

“Didn’t used to be. I tried it on a dare. Just ended upliking it.”

“Wonder who that was.” The way he said that implied Qrowknew exactly who had been the instigator. He lent towards him. “Hey, can I dareyou to try another?”

Tai met his gaze, not sure what to make of the almostmischievous grin gracing those pretty features. “Uh, like?”

“What’ll ya have boys?”

Qrow winked at him, before turning to the bartender. “I’lltake another double of scotch, on the rocks. My friend here’ll have some OldCrow, nice and neat.”

Tai could immediately catch the bourbon’s scent the momentit was placed in front of him. It smelled almost sweet, more like a fancymartini, than the bitter, burning whiskey he was imagining. Entirely aware ofthe eyes watching his every movement, he lifted his glass and took the first,brave sip.

And, it was…

Huh.

He lowered the glass, mildly confused. Why did it taste likelightly buttered toast?

Beside him, Qrow had dissolved into laughter, restrained butlively. “It’s weird, right?”

“Not really what I was expecting.” He took another sip,adjusting to the flavor. He’d had better, but for a bottom shelf drink, it wasn’tbad. It had that tame, moderate sort of kick he’d grown to enjoy. “It’s fineenough to drink.”

That mischievous smile was back. “Oh good. Because you’ll bedrinking a lot of crow tonight.”

Tai choked on air. “E-Excuseme?!”

Qrow pounded at the counter, howling with laughter. “Youshould see your face! Man, that was one of my best lines!”

He sighed, setting his glass down with a decisive thud. Evenat only twenty-five, he was too old for this game. “Alright, are you flirtingwith me or messing with me?”

He held his forefinger and thumb a millimeter apart, “Lil’bit of both,” before reaching out for his drink.

Tai watched him drown it, asking, “Why?”

A second thud as another glass hit the counter, ice cubescackling together. “Did you know every time I walked into the room, you justconveniently became the hot topic of conversation?” Qrow finally looked to him,raising an eyebrow. “Summer’s not exactly subtle.”

“Oh Gods.” He pinched the bridge of his nose, wishing theground would just open up underneath him and portal him straight to Hell. “I’msorry. She means well. She’s just got it in her head that I’m lonely.”

“Bet it came with a bunch of ‘You’re not getting anyyounger’ and ‘Love is worth the risk’ speeches, right?”

He groaned. “Yep. Guess the pain’s mutual, huh?”

“Eh.” He shrugged. “Honestly, it was more a change of pace.No one has ever felt they needed to play Cupid for me. I mean, of course not.When you look this good, the romance comes to you.” He gestured grandly tohimself, and had Tai not been practically drooling at his feet not ten minutesago, he might have called him out on his ego. Qrow spared him another wink. “Tobe frank, you don’t look like you need it either.”

Oh. Tai felt hisface flame up, rubbing the back of his neck. “Thanks.”

His smile went from coy to relaxed. “To also be frank, I’mnot looking for a commitment and from your response, I don’t think you reallyare either. I am however hoping to have a good time tonightand if I can do that with a sexy guy, all the more reason. So, what say we getdrunk off our asses, make fools of ourselves on the dance floor and call it anight?”

It was amazing just how much that simple suggestion easedthe tension out of him. He grinned back at him. “I say let’s do it.”

“Alright, then. Cheers!”

The clink of their glasses sealed the promise, and as Taichugged his drink, he figured the night might just be looking up after all.

~

It was probably their fourth round on the dance floor and itwas practically sweltering. He could feel sweat clinging to him, head spinningwith a wonderful dizziness. Qrow was a better sight; his hair had fallen into amess at some point, bangs plastered attractively along his forehead, and he’dundone a few more buttons of his shirt, revealing a bit more of those nicelydefined pecs. Watching him move to the beat, Tai couldn’t figure out if thefloor was so hot because of how many people were around him, or if it wassimply because Qrow was on it.

Wait, that was a good one!

He caught his fingers into his dance partner’s belt loops,yanking him in close. He had to lean into his ear, just so he could hear him. “Hey,got something to tell ya!”  

“Yeah?” Qrow slurred back, slinging his arms up around hisneck. The sudden closeness had broken their rhythm, just leaving them to swaytogether.

Tai searched his brain, trying to remember. What was itexactly? Oh, Right!  “You’re pretty.” Henestled himself into his shoulder, hiding his goofy grin against the other’sneck. Fingers ran through his hair, petting him in soothing motions that made hiseyes flutter shut.

So nice.

Qrow was nice.

He liked him.

He wanted to dance with him forever.

“Hey. Listen.” Qrow’s lips touched against his ear, creatinghappy tingles that rushed down his spine. “This song’s for us.”

Tai did his best to focus as commanded, a few of the lyrics driftingaround them becoming startlingly clear.

“What are the chancesthat we’d end up dancing?

Like two in a million,like once in a life.”

The music lifted away, the words becoming inaudible. He liftedhis head, trying to follow their retreat, but his head was heavier then heremembered, and he had to rest it again – this time with his forehead layingagainst Qrow’s own. The magic of them staring into one another’s eyes broughtthe song back.

“Is it love? Is itfate?

Where it leads, whocan say?

Maybe you and I weremeant to be.”

Qrow laced his fingers around the back of Tai’s neck,tilting just enough that their lips brushed together. A second later, he triedagain, kissing him with more earnest.

Whoa, too fast! Toofast! His brain jittered in alarm.

The sweep of a tongue along his lips halted the warningsaltogether.

…Ah, screw it.

Tai tangled his own hands into Qrow’s hair, opening hismouth to him. Their tongues took the place of their feet, dancing together tothe music of their souls. Every breath between them harmonized, every nerve ontheir bodies sang, every beat of their hearts rose up, up, up to the crescendowithout ever needing to fall.

He really wanted to dance with him forever.

It wasn’t meant to be. Qrow broke back first with a gasp,stumbling into him despite the fact they were not moving. “Got to sit. You’regiving me a fever.”

“’Kay.” Tai obliged, tugging him along by his waist as theybumbled about the crowd. It could have been seconds or minutes before they sawthe line of the bar again.

His partner continued to cling to him, head lolling againsthis arm. “Like you. You’re built like a tree.”

The words tumbled out without thought, “Perfect for you toperch on.”

Qrow laughed loudly. He reached out to pat his shoulder,missed, and hit his collarbone instead. “Sunshine, you are so getting mynumber.”

Number of what? Taipondered as the night faded to a blur.

He woke up at home, headache pounding behind his eyes andmuscles aching from the night.

On his phone was a single text from an unknown sender, apossibility in the words:

Call me soon, Sunshine.

~

As Qrow added creamer to the two cups of coffee, the soundof songbirds made him look back towards the kitchen table. His phone had lit upwith a new notification, but that wasn’t his ringtone. He glanced at theobvious culprit. “Did you really?” He asked.

“Whatever do you mean, dear brother?” Raven said, lookingjust a little too smug not to be guilty.

He shook his head, trying to hide his own amusement. Hedidn’t understand how she kept figuring out his password. At least it was tamerthen the death metal she had chosen last time. He stored the creamer back intothe fridge, and as he set her cup down in front of her, said, “You know, if youever decide to use your powers for evil, you’ll be a force to be reckonedwith.”

“I’m shocked and appalled that you don’t already consider meas such.”

“Pff, whatever.” He plopped down beside her, taking a drinkof his own coffee as he reached for his phone, absently wondering if it wouldbe a joke or just a peppy hello today. Qrow didn’t usually like the clingyones, but somehow, it was hard to be annoyed with Tai about it. It was likegetting mad at a puppy.

So used to their routine that had built over the past twomonths, he was caught off guard by his disappointment when he realized it wasKimi instead.

Hey babe ;) Lookingfor a good time tonight?

He hesitated.

For a moment.

And then typed back a reply. Your place or mine?

He dropped the device back to the table, trying to drown theunexpected twisting in his stomach with half a mugful of coffee. Nothing couldsoothe the burn of Raven’s eyes on him though. “What?” He asked tersely.

“Oh, nothing.” She replied, taking a sip from her ownflower-patterned cup. He thought that would be it. “Summer told me somethinginteresting about your new boytoy.”

He really should have known better by now not to hope forthings. “Yeah? What about him?”

“He’s apparently a hopeless romantic.” She gestured betweenthem, the sudden singing birds from his phone accentuating the motion as shemimed a rainbow. “Disney-Level hopeless.”

“So? Tai knows I’m not in it for the long game.”

“Does he now?” Before he could react, Raven’s hand struckout like a viper, snatching up his phone. “Then I guess you won’t mind if I tellhim you’ll be busy hooking-up with someone else tonight.”

“What-” Qrow lurched after it, trying to wrestle it from hergrasp, spewing obscenities all the while, “Fucking – god damn – Raven cut itthe hell out!”

He got a grip on her arm, but as he made a grab for hisphone, she caught his wrist, twisting it back. As he ceded in pain, Raven spokesharply over his whimpers, “If you’re this scared about it, then why do it atall?”

He spit back in her face, “Don’t act like some fucking saintRae. You used to be worse than me.” Another hiss escaped between his teeth whenher nails dug into his skin, but it would take more than that for him to backdown. “I’m not dumb. You don’t care about me. You’re only acting like thisbecause you know if I break his heart, it could mess things up with you andSummer.”

“Well.” Her grip finally relented. “You’re half-right atleast.”

He took the opportunity to yank his phone from her. Wantingnothing more than to get as far away from her as possible, he wrenched himselffrom his seat, intent on sealing himself away in his room for a few hours.

He didn’t even get to the living room before there was ascrap of another chair being shoved back. “Qrow?” She called after him. Thetemptation to ignore her was strong, and he would have, had she not added, “Youwere half-wrong too. I do care about you.”

Qrow stopped, frowning down at the water stains that warpedthe wood floor of their cheap apartment, before finally looking back at her. Itwas odd, seeing Raven look so kind, so soft. When had she changed so much? Ormaybe he was the one who hadn’t changed enough.

“I get it you know.” She stepped towards him. “What ourparents did, it hurt me too.”

He crossed his arms, avoiding her gaze. “At least you didn’tget thrown out twice.”

Raven would sometimes still joke about how, with the waythey grew up, they could have been the poster children for television’s nextbig family drama series. Their parents argued about everything, sometimes gettingso heated they’d scream at the top of their lungs. Once, cops even showed up attheir house, having been called out by a concerned neighbor. He remembered thatnight with more clarity then he liked. What had spurred that argument had beenone about Raven.

It hadn’t been anything major – she had bit another kid atschool and got sent to the principal, who then informed their parents of theincident. Pretty typical stuff, and other than some detention, she wasn’treally in trouble. But at eight, he couldn’t understand that. He thought thepolice were there to take his sister away. They had both been so terrifiedabout losing the one person that made their home bearable, they had jumped outthe window and climbed up the oak tree in the backyard. The deputy only foundthem because they thought cawing like the birds they were named after wouldthrow him off from their hiding spot.

That night was only a precursor to what would come when, atten, their parents finally divorced and split them as if they were just anotherasset, a bunch of knickknacks to be bargained for. Not their own children. Children who begged and cried tobe allowed to stay together. Children who knew being separated would hurt in away they couldn’t bear.

They might as well never have said a word for all thenothing it changed.

Four years they spent apart, until their father decided hewas done with that title and signed away his custody rights, kicking his ownson to the curb like unwanted trash. It should have been a relief, walking backthrough the front door of his childhood home. But it was already too late. Thedamage was done. To him and Raven, they had been taught the meaning of love wasa nightmare and they wanted no part in it.

For Qrow, that meant he spent his time throwing himself intomeaningless flings and short-term relationships that eventually dead-ended.When things started to get too serious, he bolted or self-sabotaged his wayout. Because if his parents had only ever taught him how to fail, how could heever do any better?

The brush of Raven’s hand on his arm brushed away thememories. He fully turned to face her, seeing his reflection in her, but it wascracking in spots. No longer a perfect mirror. No longer the same.

“Look, I’m glad that this commitment thing is working outfor you. Proud of you, even, that you’re getting past it.” Qrow sighed. “But Ican’t. I told myself I was never going to let anyone make me feel rejected likethat again. So, I won’t.”

She shook her head. “You’re hiding behind excuses, Qrow, andyou know it.”

Chirping made them both looked down. A new message hadpopped up above Kimi’s invitation.

G’morning babe! Do you have the night off? Maybe we couldcatch a movie?

Qrow could almost laugh at how simple it would be. How hecould just lie and jump into bed with someone else. To start calling off plans,avoid messages and calls, until Tai got tired of it and walked away from arelationship that would never go anywhere. How easy it was to break someoneelse’s heart and never risk his own.

As if she could see the dilemma running through his head,Raven reached out, blocking out the screen with her hand. “Listen, I’m notgoing to stand here and tell you that if you give it a chance, it’ll all justwork out in the end. When things fall apart, it hurts. But I will tell you for all the bad that could happen, thegood that does is what makes it worth it.” She looked away, lips quirking up ina gentle smile. “You haven’t let yourself fall in love, so you don’t know, butwhen it’s real, you’ll want to fight for it with everything you have.”

Wait. She couldn’t actually mean-?

The realization hit him like a train. When had things gottenthat serious? “You’re… falling in love with Summer, aren’t you?”

That soft look was back. The immovable stone wall he used tosee his sister as was crumbling, the dust of the destruction blowing away inthe happy laugh that escaped her. “I, yeah. I am. I’m not sure where things aregoing to go for us from here, but I am sure I want to see it through with her.And I know how hard it was for me to get this far. Giving her that much ofmyself, it’s scary. I can’t ask you to do the same.” She gave his arm a solidpat. “But if I can’t ask that, then I am going to be selfish and ask you tobreak it off with Tai honestly. For me.”

He shut his eyes, heaving a sigh against the weight that hadsettled on his chest. “Okay.”

“Thank you.”

As she walked back into the kitchen, Qrow called after herthis time, “Hey, Rae?”

“Yeah?”

“It’s really that good?”

She peered at him over her shoulder, a knowing gleam in hereye. “Let me put it this way: Love and Nirvana work the same way. To find it,first you need to take a leap of faith.”

Those words stuck with him, repeating in his mind as he saton his bed, thumb hovering between the two messages.

“A leap, huh?” He whispered to himself.

He swiped across the screen and typed a reply:

Sorry, can’t tonight. Maybe another time?

Now if only he could be brave enough to jump.

~

Qrow walked down the sidewalk, hands stuffed in his pocketsto hide from the evening wind’s late-night chill. As he approached the frontdoor, the streetlamps combating the overhead lights from the building split hisshadow in two, one forever reaching the direction he could have gone as theother stretched before him.

He followed its guide, pulling open the door and walkinginto the warmth of the cinema. Above the noise of popping popcorn and the vibranttunes of arcade games, he heard a faint call of his name.

“Qrow!” Tai waved as he strode towards him, grinningbrightly.

He was smiling before he even realized he was, meeting Taihalfway. “Hey Sunshine.” He said, wrapping him up in an embrace and kissing himchastely. “Got the tickets?”

“Yep. We’ve still got some time to get snacks too.”

Never one to pass up an opportunity to gorge himself onsodium and cholesterol, they got some popcorn and soda before heading in to thetheater. They bantered over where the best place to sit was – all argumentssuspiciously stopping when Qrow mentioned if they sat in the back, they couldjust make-out if the movie ended up being terrible. They got settled in, mostlyignoring the pre-commercials in favor of each other, Tai telling him about theracer he was getting to build at the machine shop while Qrow made him laugh ashe recounted his run-in at the gun range with a rather stiff-lipped upperclassman whose prosthetic arm just fell off while shooting.

“And so, he turns to me, right? And says ‘Little help’? AndI was so taken aback by what had happened, I didn’t know what to do! So, Isaid: ‘Buddy, there are a lot of hands I can give you. That ain’t one of them.’And then I just walked away like a total jackass!”

Tai held his stomach, saying between his hearty guffaws,“Nooo, you didn’t! That’s terrible!”

“I know.” Qrow ran a hand over his face, embarrassmentmaking his cheeks redden. “It was the worst.”

“Nah, what’s the worst is that you missed the opportunity tomake the best joke of all,” He was grinning hard enough to clear a manure field.“‘Well, that’s one way to disarmyourself.’”

“No! That’sawful!” He cried, throwing popcorn in the blond’s face as they dissolved intolaughter. Qrow was still struggling to get ahold of himself when he felt thesolidity of a strong arm coming around his shoulders, Tai dropping anaffectionate kiss against his temple. That arm stayed there long after thelights had dimmed and the real previews got going. He snuggled back into thecomforting hold, trading off mini-reviews with Tai as each trailer ran throughuntil the last one finally came to an end and the room became completely dark.

As the movie logo started to scroll across the screen, Tailent over, murmuring, “Hey. I’m really glad you’re here.”

Qrow froze, warning sirens going off in his head. Get out! Get out now!

The brush of warm fingers along his cheek silenced themcompletely.

His heart took the chance to skip closer to the edge. Stay, stay, stay, it beat.

Qrow caught Tai’s hand with his own, pressing his lips to hisknuckles. He then turned to him, staring into eyes so deep blue he could easilyfall forever in them, and whispered back in earnest, “Glad you’re here too.”

Tai closed the distance between them. As they kissed, Qrowfound he still wasn’t quite ready to leap the rest of the way.

But he was closer then he’d ever been before.

And maybe, whether it be tomorrow or next year, he wouldn’t justleap.

He’d soar.

[unfolded73]

Since you're taking prompts, maybe a future fic when little Swan-Jones somehow learns a thing or two about dad's past and Killian has to figure out a way to explain it in a way his kid will understand. (I know this is probably random, but it seems like something you would write really well based on other stories of yours I've read.)

My first thought was, I’ve already written this! (A Sad, Sad Place Without You) But I very quickly realized that there are more angles to tell this kind of story from, and no shortage of things for Maureen to find out about. Plus, I was able to use a tiny orphaned snippet of a Charming/Maureen conversation that I didn’t know what to do with, which makes me happy. 

FYI, Maureen is my invented Swan-Jones daughter who predates the canon pregnancy, so some of the stories about her are consistent with S7 and some aren’t.  Rated G, ~2300 words.

David found Maureen on the swing he’d hung from a big, old tree on the property years ago. She’d kicked off her sneakers, and despite the chilly air was swinging back and forth barefoot, leaning back so that her hair dragged through the dirt, her fists clutching the weathered rope.

“I wondered where you’d gotten to,” he said, and at the sound of his voice, his ten-year-old granddaughter pulled herself upright, slowing with a drag of her heels against the ground. She was dirt from head to toe, as usual.

“I wanted to swing,” she said.

“Well,” he said, leaning against the tree, “I’m glad you’re getting some use out of it. Neal’s too old for it now.”

Maureen narrowed her eyes. “That’s stupid. There’s no reason to grow out of swinging.”

“You make a compelling point.” He crossed his arms. “In any case, your parents will be here to pick you up soon, so you should probably come back up to the house and get cleaned up.”

Rolling her eyes, she pushed back with her legs and started swinging again.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“It must be something, Mo.” He flinched. “Sorry, Maureen.” She’d announced at her tenth birthday party the previous month that she didn’t like her nickname anymore, and wouldn’t answer to it or to any of the other pet names Killian had for her.

She scowled, stopping her momentum again with her bare feet. “My dad killed people, you know.”

David took a startled step back at that non-sequitur. “What are you talking about?” he asked cautiously, not knowing exactly what she knew.

“I used to think being a pirate meant sailing around where you wanted, maybe stealing gold from people who didn’t deserve so much gold.” She screwed up her face, and David could tell she was near tears. “But he was a villain. He hurt people.”

Still uncertain if this was a conclusion she’d drawn about pirates in general or if she’d gleaned specific information about her father, David spoke carefully. “Your father only became a pirate because an evil king caused the death of his brother--”

“I know that story,” she interrupted. “Doesn’t mean he didn’t do really bad stuff though.”

David walked over and knelt on the ground in front of Maureen, gripping the ropes of the swing in his hands. “I know, sweetheart, but your father has been a good man for a very long time. A hero. A man I’m proud is part of my family.”

“Heroes aren’t supposed to kill people.”

A sudden image of his own wife after she’d killed Cora, more distraught than he’d ever seen her, flashed in David’s mind. Heroes aren’t supposed to kill people.

“Did something happen, Maureen? What’s got you thinking about this all of a sudden?”

She scuffed her feet in the dirt, kicking some of it onto David’s blue jeans. “I heard them talking.”

“Who?”

“Mom and Dad. I heard him say he killed his father.”

And mine, David thought traitorously. He’d forgiven Killian long ago for that, but it still struck him at odd times, that his closest buddy, his daughter’s true love, the father of this wonderful girl in front of him was responsible for such a life-altering crime from so long ago.

“I heard him tell Mom that he’d dreamed again of the night he killed his father. They didn’t know I was listening. And I just started to think about pirates, and I realized he probably killed other people too. I don’t know why I never thought of that before.”

“Because he’s your dad,” David said. “Killian’s father was not a good man. He abandoned his own children when Killian was no older than you are now. I know it’s hard to understand--”

Maureen didn’t seem to even hear him and was working herself up into hysterics. “He lived for a really long time as a pirate, he told me. Two hundred years. How can he make up for being a villain by being a hero now? There isn’t enough time!”

David reached out and stroked her cheek, catching one of her tears on his thumb. “It doesn’t work that way. Your dad doesn’t have to balance out the years when he was a villain with the same number of years as a hero before his slate is clean. What matters is that he’s a good man now, and because of that, we forgive him for things that happened in his past. It’s an act of generosity to forgive someone who’s worked to be a better person. An act of grace.”

Brow furrowed, Maureen tried to puzzle that out. “When did you forgive him?”

David thought about that, uncertain how to answer. It had been a gradual thing that happened in stages, with a few rough patches between where they’d started and where they were now, but that wasn’t what Maureen wanted to hear. “Have you ever heard the story of Queen Elsa?”

She nodded.

“When Queen Elsa came to town, she was afraid that the people here had done something to hurt her sister Anna, and it made it difficult for her to control her powers.”

“Ice powers?” Maureen asked quickly, and he could see a spark of excitement in her eyes underneath the worry.

“Yes, ice powers. So for a little while, your mom was in danger, because she was trapped with Elsa, and it was very, very cold.” He took a deep breath. “I was with your dad, and he fought so hard to get her out of that ice. I think he would have chipped at the ice with his hook until he collapsed from exhaustion. That was when I realized how much he loved your mom, and I guess I forgave him then.” It wasn’t the whole truth, but it was true enough for the sake of what he was trying to communicate. It was certainly one of many times that he’d seen the man’s love for Emma shining out like a beacon in the dark of night.

“And once someone’s forgiven, the bad stuff they did doesn’t matter?” she asked, wiping at the tears on her face and hopelessly smearing her cheeks with more dirt.

“I wouldn’t say it doesn’t matter, but… you move on from it. Maybe you don’t forget. Just like your dad has never forgotten the things he’s done. But you turn the page, and you live on.” He thought about Rumple and Killian, Regina and Zelena. So many people in his life had been granted forgiveness for so much. Perhaps they didn’t deserve it, but in the end, what would it have benefited anyone to hold grudges? How would it have done anything but keep those people back from achieving the good they’d achieved?

Maureen hopped off of the swing, and he pulled her into a hug. “Just know that there are few people in this world that I trust more than your father to protect the people we love. And that’s been true for many years. Okay?”

She nodded against his chest, sniffling. “Okay.”

“All right, young miss, let’s get you inside and cleaned up.” Maureen picked up her shoes and ran toward the farmhouse while David followed after her at a more sedate pace.

~*~

“Okay, Dad. Thanks.”

Killian looked up from his book, seeing Emma in the doorway by their bed, slipping her phone back in her pocket. He sat in the wingback chair he’d positioned next to the large ocean-facing windows of their bedroom years ago. It had become his favorite place to sit of late to enjoy the salt-tinged breeze, even as the temperatures were dropping and it was becoming less pleasant to leave the windows open.

“Hey, is Mo still in the shower?” she asked.

“Aye,” he said, tilting his head toward their bathroom. Their daughter had recently switched from baths to showers, but annoyingly she insisted on using their bathroom instead of the one next to her room. That bathroom creeps me out, she said, although Killian could find absolutely nothing to justify such a statement.

“We’re going to need to talk to her. Dad said she overheard us talking about Brennan last night.” Emma refused to honor the man who’d fathered Killian with the title, choosing to refer to him by his name. She may have never known the man, but it didn’t stop her from despising him.

Killian’s heart plummeted. “Dammit.”

“That’s not all. I guess it got her thinking about pirates and villainy and murder and I don’t even know what all, but she was upset. Dad did his best to comfort her and it sounds like he did a bang-up job, but we’re going to need to talk to her.” She stepped up next to the chair and combed her fingers through his hair, her nails scraping pleasantly against his scalp.

“I knew this day would come eventually,” he sighed. “I just wish I knew what to say. There’s nothing to justify some of the things I did.”

Emma continued to stroke his hair. “Do you want me to be here, or should I let you talk to her by yourself?”

He looked up at her gratefully for thinking to ask. “I think I’d rather talk to her by myself unless you think that would do more damage.”

“Of course it won’t.” She leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. “I’ll be downstairs if you need me.”

His daughter appeared from the steam-filled bathroom a few minutes later, wearing baggy, plaid pajama pants and a plain t-shirt, her hair a wet and uncombed riot. She had a drawer full of pink and purple nightgowns and girly pajamas -- gifts from her Grandma Snow that she had never worn.

“Would you like me to comb your hair, love?” he asked gently, seeking any sign of her emotional state on her face. He expected Maureen to say no (these days she wanted to do everything herself), but she nodded.

Killian reached over and grabbed Emma’s brush off the dresser, beckoning his daughter closer with his hook. Without a word, she positioned herself with her back to him, and he sat forward in the chair and began to gently work the tangles out from the bottom, his hook pressed above where he was brushing to keep from pulling at Maureen’s scalp.

“I fear I’ve made an error with you, darling, telling you so many exciting stories about being a pirate and leaving out the less savory aspects of my former life,” he said, clearing his throat around the lump that was already forming. The last thing in the world that he wanted was for any of his past mistakes to cause his daughter pain. He’d die a thousand deaths to spare her that if he could.

Maureen’s shoulders tensed but she said nothing.

“I can’t lie to you; I was a villain, and I made many mistakes in service of seeking vengeance against someone who had wronged me.”

“Rumpelstiltskin,” she supplied. She didn’t know Rumple; he and Belle and Gideon had left Storybrooke to travel the realms before Maureen had been born. And of course, Maureen had asked Emma years ago why her father had only one hand. Emma had told as sanitized a version of the story as she could, just as he had once done the same when Maureen learned that he’d died. Too many terrible tales haunted their pasts, he thought.

“I hated my father. He abandoned me and Liam when we were boys, leaving us indentured to a ship--”

“What’s ‘indentured’?” she asked.

He sighed. “It’s almost like being a slave, but the difference is there is a chance to buy your way to freedom, although it’s very difficult.”

Maureen whirled around. “You were a slave?”

“Not exactly, darling, but near enough.” He coaxed her to turn around again so he could continue working on her hair. “I never forgave my father for that, although perhaps I should have. So when the chance arose and killing him would get me closer to my goal, I accepted a devil’s bargain and I orphaned your other uncle Liam.” He left Regina’s involvement out. He didn’t know when or if she might return to Storybrooke, but he didn’t want to bias his daughter against someone who was an integral part of the family. “He was a bad man, but it was a mistake and I regret it.” Most of the tangles gone, he ran the brush down the length of Maureen’s hair. “I regret many things that I’ve done, and I work every day to be a man worthy of this family. Worthy of being your father.”

“You are,” she said in a small, trembling voice. Setting the brush aside, he coaxed her onto his lap so that he could hold her. She didn’t fit the way she used to, all long limbs and angles, and he shuddered to imagine the woman she would start to bloom into in only a few short years. His days of holding her like this were numbered.

“I apologize that my past deeds have made you upset. And I apologize that I wasn’t more honest with you.” Her wet hair was cold against his cheek, and he turned and pressed his lips to her head.

“It’s okay, Dad.”

“I love you, Mo.”

“Maureen,” she corrected, but there was no heat in it, and she wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly.

“Maureen,” he responded, hugging her back, his eyes squeezing shut against tears that threatened to spill over.

“I’m glad you’re a good man now.”

“Me too, love.”