#it's got it's issues and there's a lot I wish it ditched to be a little more focused but after finishing unity

[crualex-de-vil]

Imagining how a sick Andreja Starfield of House Va'ruun arm tattoo might look

[doctorbitchcrxft]

What Is and What Never Should Be | Supernatural Series Rewrite | Dean Winchester x Fem!Reader

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Fem!Reader (Eventual ? ;) )

Warnings: Dean's an alcoholic dick, coping with trauma from a sexual assault, mentions of parental abuse, mentions of suicide but like not really cause it’s in a dream, canon violence, canon gore (take care of yourselves, as always. Love you guys.)

Word Count: 5281

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About two weeks had passed since you’d left Deacon’s prison. You were convinced it was the hardest two weeks of your life. You couldn’t quite decide if you wanted Dean hugging you all the time, or if you never wanted anyone to touch you again. It felt like every time you looked in the mirror, you were in that disheveled prison guard outfit again, tears streaming down your face with fresh scrapes trailing down your arm. You felt like you were never going to leave the prison’s parking lot.

It definitely didn’t help that you were also having to deal with being fugitives simultaneously. Sam and Dean were waiting for you back at the motel. You put the two of them on a strict lockdown given their mugshots would be everywhere, and the feds hadn’t seemed to find a clear enough image of you to post yours. You drove the Impala around the area of your newest hunt searching for a potential location the victims could have been brought to while the boys researched back in their motel room. 

You knew Dean could tell you were pulling away from him, and you knew it was hurting him. You didn’t want to, but you couldn’t let him in right now. You didn’t want to burden him with your problems given Sam was supposed to be the main concern right now and evading federal agents was a huge priority. You needed to deal with your issues in silence in order to keep yourself from completely breaking down in front of the boys and pulling focus away from what you believed were more pressing issues.

Your phone rang and broke you out of your thoughts. It was Sam’s number. “Hello?” you said into the phone.

“Hey. Got you on speaker,” he replied. “There’s a cop car outside.”

“You think it’s for us?” you questioned.

“I don't know.”

“I don't see how,” Dean jumped in, his voice a little distant. “I mean we ditched the plates, the credit cards.”

Sam breathed out suddenly. “They're leaving. False alarm.”

“Well, see. Nothing to worry about,” Dean jested.

“Yeah, being fugitives? Friggin’ dance party,” Sam deadpanned.

“Hey, man, chicks dig the danger vibe,” Dean commented.

You scoffed. “Got anything yet?” you asked the boys.

“Just one thing. I'm pretty sure of it now. We're hunting a Djinn,” Sam answered.

“Really? How do you know?” you questioned.

“A freaking genie?” Dean asked simultaneously. “What? You think these suckers can really grant wishes?”

“I don’t know,” Sam said. “I guess they're powerful enough. But not exactly like Barbara Eden in harem pants. I mean, Djinn have been feeding off people for centuries. They're all over the Quran.”

“And where do these guys shack up?” you asked. 

“Ruins usually. Uh, bigger the better; more places to hide,” Sam replied.

Something struck you. “Y’know, I think I saw a place a couple miles back. I'm gonna go check it out.”

“Hell no, (Y/N),” Dean stated, voice suddenly much closer to the phone. “You’re not goin’ without us.”

“Dean, I’ll be fine. I’m sure it’s nothing. I just wanna take a look around,” you argued. 

“I’ll call you guys when I’m headed back.” Despite the voices of the Winchesters protesting, you hung up the phone and turned the Impala around. 

Minutes later, you came upon a decaying factory. Doors squeaked on their hinges as you pushed through them and decades-old papers crunched beneath your feet like fallen leaves. Everything seemed very empty and very abandoned, but you weren’t quite convinced. You headed deeper into the factory past several offices with smashed windows on their doors and blinds hanging crookedly. 

Suddenly, something grabbed you and pinned you to the wall behind you. You dropped the flashlight you were holding as the Djinn pinned your hand above your head. You got a clear look at the monster in front of you; a bald man with curling blue tattoos detailing his face and body. You struggled against him, trying to get your knife through his chest with your free hand, but he pinned that one as well. The eyes before you began to glow an electric blue, and your entire body went numb.

*** The next time you woke up, you were alone in a comfortable bed. You jerked up, turned on the lamp next to you, and took in the room around you. There were scrubs tossed on the back of a rocking chair in the corner of the room and a picture of you and Dean hung on the far wall. 

‘What the fu—’ you thought. 

Suddenly, a shirtless Dean entered the room wearing sweatpants hanging low on his hips. “Hey, sweetheart.”

“Dean!” you exclaimed. “What the fuck is goin’ on?”

He eyed you strangely and snorted. “Wha— What do you mean?”

“Where are we?” you asked.

Dean paused, still standing in the doorway and taken aback. “Uh, our house?”

“What?” you questioned.

“Babe, are you feeling okay?” he questioned, sitting on the bed next to you. “I knew your shift at the hospital was bad, but—”

“Wait, what? I don’t work in a hospital, I was hunting a Djinn—” 

Dean cut you off. “You were probably just having a bad dream, sweetheart. Let’s go back to bed, okay?”

You weren’t quite sure what Dean was talking about or if this was even Dean. Maybe  he’d been possessed, maybe you’d been— ‘Wait,’ you thought. ‘The Djinn. Maybe he did this to me.’

Dean climbed into bed next to you, and you noticed he wasn’t wearing the amulet he quite literally never took off. You were apparently eyeing him strangely, because he chuckled, “What?”

“Nothing,” you shook your head, “Just, uh— where’s your necklace?”

Dean laughed, almost sounding relieved. “Oh, I took it off to shower.” He put a silver chain with dog tags hanging from it around his neck. He opened his arm for you to settle into. 

Hesitantly, you laid down on Dean’s chest. You didn’t get much sleep the remainder of that night, though; incredibly uneasy about what was going on around you. 

Around three in the morning, you slipped out of Dean’s arms and began to explore the house around you. You peeked through the bedroom window to see a neighborhood outside that screamed Middle America. You crept down the hallway to the living room and kitchen area. 

Along the walls of the den, there were photos hanging of what looked like you as a teenager and a child, but you couldn’t be sure. You didn’t think photos of you existed of that time in your life. And if they did exist, they definitely were not of you at your third birthday with a pink frilly party hat stuffing cake in your face or of you in a cap and gown graduating high school and college. The next thing that caught your eye was a picture of you hugging Steven tightly. Your hand flew to your mouth at the sight. However, it wasn’t your Steven. This one was older and a lot happier than the Steven you once knew. 

Then, there were pictures of you and your mother. Your father was nowhere to be seen, much to your surprise. You nearly wept at the sight of your mom. Then, there were pictures of a young Sam and Dean. One was Dean hugging his mother. He looked much older than four which was the age you knew his mother died at. 

“Holy shit,” you breathed out. 

You took out your phone and checked the time. You considered for a moment, but decided to call Sam figuring he would likely be up soon anyway. 

“Sam?” you asked when the call was answered. 

“(Y/N)?” His voice sounded raspy and tired. 

“Hey, yeah, what the hell’s goin’ on, man?” you demanded.

“(Y/N), what are you—”

“Oh, god, not you, too.” You hung up the phone and ran a hand through your hair. No one but you seemed to understand that this wasn’t right. You noticed something laying on the coffee table at your feet. An envelope addressed to you with Lawrence, Kansas written on one of the address lines. 

“Lawrence? Why the fuck am I in Lawrence?” you breathed out. 

You noticed a computer sitting a distance away and immediately hurried to it. You typed in your password; no luck. You tried Sam’s password for his and Dean’s shared laptop; no luck either. Frustrated, you sat back in the desk chair. You weren’t sure where the idea came from, but you suddenly had the thought to type in Steven’s name and birthday. Somehow, it worked. You remembered how that was your original idea for a computer password when you first bought yourself a laptop in your real life, but the reminder of Steven was too painful to do so. 

You then set to work researching the Djinn. You learned that they’re not so much genies as they are wielders of godlike power. They could alter reality to their whims however they want in the past, present, and future. 

Then, the thought hit you. ‘What if this is just my life now? What if I never see my Dean again? Am I even a hunter wherever this is?’ Your breath hitched as you realized something else. ‘Was I ever raped? Are my parents alive? Where’s Stevie?’

You typed “whitepages” into the search bar and put in your father’s full name; no results. You tried your mother’s and actually got a hit. She lived in Lawrence, too. 

‘What the fuck?’

You then tried Steven’s. Surprisingly, his name generated results, too. He also lived in Lawrence. 

You hurriedly wrote their addresses down on a sticky note beside you on the desk. When you returned to your room, it was around five in the morning. Creeping around the room, you discovered the clothes in your closet were nothing like you wore in the real world: flowing skirts, cardigans, and lots of different colored scrubs. You almost smiled at the sight of the clothes hanging in your closet. 

‘In another life, I definitely would’ve worn all this,’ you thought. You’d always wanted Carrie Bradshaw’s closet; Sex and the City was one of your guilty pleasure shows in the real world.

Your outfit of choice consisted of a pair of low-rise jeans, a halter top with a plunging neckline, and… ‘Oh.’ The only shoes this version of you had in her closet were heels. Admittedly, you’d never been great at wearing them, but always wanted to try. And so, you did. 

Dean still slept peacefully, and you carefully clacked your heels back down the hallway. You headed outside to find the Impala in the driveway, and for that, you were grateful. 

“Hey, sweet girl,” you grinned. You remembered seeing car keys on a hook next to the door of the house and quickly grabbed them. You popped open the trunk of the Impala secretly hoping to find something useful in it. However, old playboy magazines and paper cups were all you found.

‘Ew, Dean, clean out your car.’

You moved around to the driver’s side of the car. Before you could sit down in it, though, something caught your eye. A girl with a gaunt face and billowing white clothing was standing across the street on one of the neighbor’s lawns. A car blew past, and she was suddenly gone. 

***

You rolled to a stop in front of the first address you had written down: your mother’s. You tried to keep your composure as you walked up to her front door. Hesitantly, you rapped your knuckles against it. 

The door opened to reveal your beautiful mother who you’d missed so much. She looked a little older than she did the last time you saw her, and it was all you could do to keep yourself from throwing your arms around her.

“Mom?” you breathed out.

“What is it, hon?” she asked. “C’mon, come inside.”

The sound of her voice made tears spring to your eyes. You followed her into the living room where pictures of you and Steven lined the walls between crucifixes.

“Hey, Mom?” you started. “What song did you sing to me before you used to put me to bed?”

She looked confused, but humored you anyway. “The, uh, ‘The Long to Be’ song by the Carpenters.”

You smiled, partially in relief that this seemed to really be her and not just a figment of your imagination and partially at the fact that she knew. You rushed to her and hugged her tightly. Your mother seemed taken aback once more, but didn’t say anything to let on that she was.

“You okay? Everything alright with Dean?” your mother asked you. 

“Oh, yeah, everything’s— everything’s great. Just, uh, it was a rough day at the hospital, ‘s all,” you said.

“How’s the garage?” 

You tilted your head. “The garage?”

She seemed confused, too. “Dean’s? How’s work going for him?”

“Oh, oh. The garage, of course,” you laughed awkwardly. ‘Smooth, (Y/N),’ you mentally berated yourself. “Yeah, it’s fine, it’s great.”

“Really? Last time we talked, he was too busy drinking to focus on fixing a car,” she said.

You felt stunned. The Dean you knew was bordering on becoming an alcoholic, sure, but he wouldn’t let that get in the way of his job.

“Baby, I’m glad to see you, but why are you here at six in the morning?” your mom questioned.

“I just— I just couldn’t sleep. Needed to see my mom,” you replied. It was a half-truthful response.

Your mother offered a small, thoughtful smile. “Oh,” she suddenly said. “What time are you and Dean going to dinner tonight?”

You tilted your head. “Uh—”

“For Mary’s birthday?” she prompted. 

“Oh, oh,” you said. “Right.”

“Did he not tell you?” she asked. “(Y/N), I’ve been telling you that boy isn’t right for you for a while now.”

“Mom—” you protested.

“No, (Y/N). You’re a fantastic nurse. You’re dating a drunkard mechanic. Why couldn’t you have dated Sam?”

“Ew, mom, no. Sam’s my best friend,” you said.

She seemed stunned. “What? That’s new. Last we talked, you hadn’t heard from Sam in months. Neither had Dean.”

It was your turn for your eyes to widen. “Right, right, yeah. Sorry. I’m just—”

“Have you been drinking? Dean’s rubbing off on you, (Y/N). You should have listened to me when I warned you about him,” your mother sighed. 

“Jesus, Mom—”

“Don’t take his name in vain!” she scolded.

You scoffed. “I forgot that you’re like this.” You crossed your arms and turned away from her. 

“Like what?” your mother pressed, voice rising. 

“So incredibly judgmental of me. I’ve never been good enough for you or Dad, Mom!”

“How dare you bring up your father!” your mother cut you off.

“What?!”

“Wow, you really are drunk, (Y/N),” she replied. “He’s been dead almost your whole life. You barely even knew him. How could you say that about him?”

You felt like you’d been punched in the chest. ‘So that means he never hit us.’ “Mom, I’m sorry, I didn’t—”

“Just leave, (Y/N). Please. I’ll call you tomorrow,” she sighed.

You turned and slammed the door behind you. You sat in the Impala with your head on the steering wheel just trying to process everything that was going on. Even in this fantasy land or new reality or wherever this place was, your mother was harshly critical of you. Granted, you’d rather her harshly criticize you and be alive than dead, but this version of your mother perfectly mirrored the true version of her. It truly freaked you out. 

‘Well, scratch that off the list, I guess,’ you thought.

***

You hesitantly knocked on the door of your little brother’s home. 

“(Y/N)?” he asked upon opening the door.

Tears sprang to your eyes. “Steve?” you breathed out.

“(Y/N), what’s wrong?” he asked.

You smiled as a tear slipped down your cheek. “Uh, just a hard day at work ‘s all,” you replied. You threw yourself into his arms; a hug he responded to immediately. 

“Hey, seriously, what happened?” he asked when you pulled away. “Was it Dean again? The hospital never gets to you like that.”

“Wait, what? No,” you shook your head. “Why does everybody keep saying he treats me poorly?”

Steven looked at you as if it was obvious. “Uh, ‘cause he does. He’s an alcoholic playboy asshole that you’re way too good for.”

“What?!” you questioned. “No, he isn’t.”

He sighed. “Listen, (Y/N), I don’t wanna keep having this fight with you.”

“Yeah, me neither,” you replied. You stopped for a moment. “Stevie, I’m really happy to see you.”

He chuckled. “Yeah, I’m glad to see you, too.”

A small voice piped up from behind your brother. “Daddy?”

Steven stepped back to reveal a staggering toddler in pigtails. He picked her up and grinned down at her. “What’s up, kiddo?”

‘He’s a dad?’ Your shock only increased, and you smiled at the sight of them interacting. Another tear slipped down your cheek. 

“Why’s Minnie crying?” the toddler asked her father.

You grinned. “She calls me ‘Minnie’?” 

Steven nodded. “Yeah, just like I used to.”

You laughed. “Can I hold her?”

“Duh,” he replied, handing his daughter to you.

“Hi, sweet girl,” you grinned down at her. She tugged on the ends of your hair, babbling happily and singing to herself.

“Look, Minnie, I braid.” The toddler held up a now twisted, knotted mess of your hair. 

You smiled at her. “Awesome job, angel.” 

You sat on the floor playing with your niece and Steven for hours until your phone rang.

“Hey, (Y/N), where ya been?” Dean’s voice came from the other line.

“Steven’s,” you replied. “Why, what’s up?”

“We gotta be at my mom’s in an hour. Meet me there?” he asked.

*** You met Dean on the steps of his mother’s house. 

“Hey, sweetheart,” he grinned, pecking your lips. 

Suddenly, a voice came from behind you. “Seriously, Dean?”

“Sam!” you exclaimed, turning around to give him an enthusiastic hug. He hesitated to return it, and the woman next to him cleared her throat. You released him to come face to face with Jessica, a woman you’d only seen in pictures. 

“Hey, Jess,” you said, the name feeling strange on your tongue. You hugged her as well, and she awkwardly laughed.

“Hi, (Y/N),” she said. 

You then noticed the awkward distance between the two brothers and the bags Sam was lugging out of the trunk of the taxi in front of you. 

“Where'd you guys come from?” you asked.

“We just flew in from... Califor—”

“California! Stanford and everything. Right, sorry,” you laughed. “I’m really not with it today.”

Sam nodded somewhat disapprovingly. “I can see that.” He motioned to the beer in Dean’s hand. “I see you started off Mom's birthday with a bang, as usual.”

“Sam—” Dean warned.

Your heart was breaking at the awkward tension between two brothers who were otherwise incredibly close friends. You couldn’t believe there was a universe where Sam and Dean weren’t, well, Sam and Dean.

***

The restaurant you sat in next to Dean was stuffy. Sam and Jessica were dressed equally as stuffy. Nothing felt right at this moment. You were suddenly reminded of the reason why you were here, and that you needed to figure out how to help yourself get out of here. 

“Wow, that... looks awesome,” Dean said, referring to the plate of steak and asparagus that had been placed in front of him.

Sam raised his glass. “All right. To Mom. Happy birthday.”

“Happy birthday,” you, Dean, and Jessica said in unison.

“Thank you,” Mary replied, clinking her glass against yours.

You watched Sam and Jessica peck each other on the lips and you smiled fondly. 

“I was really worried about you last night,” Dean told you.

“Oh, I'm… I'm good. I'm really good,” you nodded.

“For some reason, I don’t believe you,” he smirked. “I know a few ways I can make that a reality, though.”

You recoiled at that comment, slightly dumbfounded by how correct Steven had been about Dean’s behavior in this realm.

“Jess and I actually have another surprise for Mom's birthday. Ah,” Sam turned to Jessica, “you wanna tell 'em?”

“They're your family,” she laughed.

“What? Tell me what?” Mary asked excitedly.

Sam held up Jessica’s left hand to reveal an engagement ring. You laughed happily in surprise. “Holy shit! That’s amazing!” You got up and hugged Sam happily before hugging Jessica. “Congratulations!” you told them.

“I just wish your dad was here,” Mary told Sam.

You suddenly realized John was missing. You searched Sam’s face, whose disappointment mirrored his mother’s.

Dean and Sam awkwardly shook hands which hurt your heart a little to see. Just behind them, though, you noticed the girl from earlier. Her white, flowing clothing was much filthier and torn this time. You brushed past Sam and headed toward the girl, pushing past people mingling in between you and the haunting figure. As you pushed past the final woman, the girl was gone.

Confused, you turned back around to see the equally weirded-out faces of the Winchester family. 

Sheepishly, you grinned and walked back over to them.

*** “You got somethin’ we need to talk about?” Dean asked you. He’d been completely silent since dinner up until this moment. He downed a beer in the kitchen before turning to you. 

“What?” you asked.

“Back there with Sam. What’s going on with you two?” Dean asked. “In fact, you’ve been acting really weird the past two days. There somethin’ you wanna tell me?”

You scoffed. “Dean, I’m not fucking your brother. Look, I’m not feeling like myself right now. ‘S all.”

“Yeah, I can tell,” Dean responded mockingly.

“Dude, why are you being such a dick?” you questioned.

“Oh, so we just call each other ‘dude’ now?” he argued.

“Listen, I’m really not enjoying this attitude, okay?” you responded.

Dean cut you off. “I’m not enjoying yours, either. What happened to the sweet little nurse I married?”

“Jesus, we’re married?” you questioned before you could help yourself. 

“(Y/N), what the hell?” Dean replied, his confusion seeming to grow by the minute. 

“I think I’m just… overly tired. I’m gonna… sleep out here tonight,” you said.

Dean scoffed. “Since when are you the childish one?”

“I’m not being childish, Dean, I just wanna sleep on the couch tonight, okay?” you hissed.

“Fine.” He left the room and returned to the bedroom the two of you apparently shared. You heard the door slam a moment later, and you flinched. You settled to the couch and pulled a blanket over yourself. You clicked on the television and began clicking through the channels. Something on the news caught your attention.

“And today marks the anniversary of the crash of United Britannia Flight 424,” the reporter began.

“What the—” you breathed out. 

“Indianapolis residents held a candlelight vigil in memory of the hundred and eight people who lost their lives—”

Your throat clenched. “No, no. We stopped that crash.”

Panicked, you moved to your computer. Every hunt you checked had apparently never happened. “Nine Children Comatose” was the headline describing a “mystery illness” that had swept Dane County Hospital. Then, the brutal homicides from the clown killer after John died. And Taylor from the closing-down-Hoodoo-hotel case had drowned in the hotel pool. As you looked out the front window, you saw the same woman you’d seen twice already flash by the window. You turned around to see several female corpses hanging around you, and you nearly screamed out in surprise. Then, that same woman again flickering in front of you.

This twisted world was completely shocking even you, an experienced hunter. Your mind raced, but you knew what you had to do. A picture of your dad holding you as a baby on the wall of your house caught your attention.

“I’m sorry you’re not here, Dad,” you murmured. “And I know what I need to do. I’m gonna hunt this son of a bitch, but… I don’t know. Stevie’s happy. Mom’s… Mom. And I just— Why do we always have to be the ones to sacrifice something? A part of me is happy to do it, and this is proof that I could never have this. But it’s just… I don’t know. I know you’re tellin’ me to stop whinin’ and just get it done. I’ll make you proud. I promise.”

And with that, you grabbed a silver knife from your china cabinet and headed out to the Impala. You managed to steal lamb’s blood from a butcher’s shop and headed to the factory you’d last seen the Djinn at. 

***

Hours later, you arrived at the factory in Illinois. Running on pure adrenaline, you headed inside. You moved your flashlight around to illuminate different parts of the factory, and you ignored your phone as it began to ring in your back pocket. The ringing silenced, and then rang again. Without thinking, you lifted your phone over your head and slammed it into the ground, shattering and silencing it completely.

Then, you came across a big store room with the same bodies you’d seen hanging in your living room strung up around it. Next, you noticed the woman you’d been seeing all along. She seemed close to death; her cheeks sallow, face pale, and body hanging limply. 

“It’s her,” you breathed out.

Suddenly, you saw the Djinn coming around the corner. You ducked into the shadows as the woman began to cry. “Where's my dad? I won't tell—” she suddenly cut herself off. “Don't. Where's my dad?”

“Sleep,” you heard a soothing male voice say. “Sleep.”

You then saw the woman’s body completely relax, and the Djinn began to drink from the blood bag next to where she was hanging. 

‘So that’s what it does,’ you realized. ‘It doesn’t grant you a wish, it just makes you think it has.’ As the Djinn disappeared, you continued to think. ‘What if I'm like her? What if I'm tied up in here some place? What if all this is in my head?’ You walked up to the woman. “I mean it could, you know, maybe it gives us some kind of supernatural acid, and then just feeds on us slow.’ You nearly scoffed audibly. ‘So, she’s not a spirit, she’s a flash of reality. I’m catatonic. Fucking great.’

Then, you remembered an old wives’ tale. “Listen to me, motherfucker!” you called into the darkness. “I’m gonna slit my fucking throat! I die in a dream, I wake up, right! Come and get me, I dare you!”

“Wait!” Dean’s voice suddenly called. He walked into the room. 

“Why'd you have to keep digging?” Sam asked.“Why couldn't you have left well enough alone? You were happy.”

Your mother walked up to you and put a hand to your cheek. “Put the knife down, honey.”

“You're not real,” you said, tears forming in your eyes. “None of it is.”

“It doesn't matter. It's still better than anything you had,” Steven replied, holding his daughter. 

“What?” you breathed.

“It's everything you want. C’mon, let’s go home,” Dean pleaded. 

“I'll die,” you argued, voice breaking. “The Djinn 'll drain the life out of me in a couple of days.”

“But in here, with us, it'll feel like years. Like a lifetime,” your mother said. “I promise.” She put her hand to your cheek and stroked it with her thumb. “No more pain. Or fear. Just love and comfort. And safety. (Y/N), stay with us. Get some rest.”

“You and Dean don't have to worry about Sam anymore,” Jessica said. “You get to watch him live a full life.”

Dean walked up to you and kissed you fiercely. “We can have a future together. Have our own family. I love you, sweetheart. Please.”

“Why is it our job to save everyone? Haven't we done enough?” Sam tried. “I'm begging you. Give me the knife.”

You looked over to Steven, your lip quivering as you sobbed. “I’m sorry.” You slashed your throat with the knife, and the world went white once more. 

***

“(Y/N)!” you heard someone yelling. “Sweetheart, wake up. (Y/N)!”

‘Dean.’

“Oh, God. Come on,” you heard Sam murmuring. “Hey. Wake up. Wake up, damn it!”

You began to roll your head a little, and your eyes could finally open. “Hey, guys.”

“Jesus, (Y/N),” Dean sighed. “I thought I lost you for a second.” 

One of the two boys yanked out the IV in your arm. 

“You almost did,” you joked half-heartedly.

“Oh, god,” Dean muttered, giving you a once-over. “Let's get you down.”

You winced as the boys helped you down, but you suddenly saw a pair of blue eyes glowing behind the boys. “Boys!”

Sam wheeled around, going at the Djinn with the knife. Dean immediately tried to get you away from the scene and set you down a distance away from the scene. “Stay here!” he ordered.

“Don’t have much of a choice, do I,” you groaned as Dean turned to help his brother. Several yelps and groans later, the two boys staggered over to you after having killed the Djinn. You pushed yourself off the floor, wincing, and immediately moved over to the girl you’d been seeing in your sleep. “She's still alive!” you called to the boys upon feeling a pulse in her neck. 

The two Winchesters helped you cut her down and get her out of the factory to a hospital. 

***

Upon your return to the motel, you found out from the hospital that she was alive and stable. There was a solid chance the girl would pull through.

“How 'bout you? You all right?” Sam asked you.

“Yeah, I’m fine, guys,” you said. “I’m great, actually. I’m just— I’m just glad to be back here again.”

“What was it like?” Dean asked.

“Oh, you were a complete dick,” you replied.

Dean chuckled. “Sounds about right.”

“And Sam— Sam you were such a freak,” you said. “All stuffy and Stanford-y.” You paused for a moment. “But, uh, you guys were really breakin’ my heart, honestly. You couldn’t get along to save your life.”

“I thought it was supposed to be this perfect fantasy,” Sam said.

“Trust me, it wasn’t,” you replied. “I know we’ve lost a lot, but, uh, I wouldn’t trade any of this for the world. Even seeing Stevie again, I— it just wasn’t right. I felt like more of a freak there than I do here. I, uh, I wished what happened to me at the prison never had, but the truth is, that’s always gonna be with me. I can’t just… get rid of it. Nothing can. And that’s not okay, but I’ll learn to live with it.” 

You left the boys to sit with your words and moved to the bathroom. When you looked up at the mirror, an image of you with your mussed-up hair and guard uniform on flashed before you. You ignored the fresh-looking scrapes on your arm and blood streaking down them and shut your eyes. When you opened them once more, you were back to looking at your sunken face and tired eyes. 

Dealing with this was hell. Every day felt like a struggle since what happened to you. But deep down, if you were honest with yourself, you would take dealing with all this with your two boys over your white-picket-fence, Djinn-dream-life any day.

Series Rewrite Taglist: @polireader @brightlilith @atcamillanorrman @jrizzelle @insomnia-bookworm @procrastination20 @mrs-liebgott @djs8891 @tiggytaylor @staple-your-mouth @jesstherebel @rach5ive @strawberrykiwisdogog @bruhidkjustwannaread @mxltifxnd0m @sunshine-on-marz @big-ol-boat @mgchaser @capncrankle @chervbs @simpingdeadcharacters @nesnejwritings @stillhere197 @tearsforhan @take-it-on-the-run @iloveyou2mia @maxinehufflepuffprincess @ohgeehowdigethere @seninjakitey @berarenado @s0urw00lf @princessleahorgana @quarterhorse19 @isla-finke-blog @silverdoragon @karacaroldanvers @gayandfairycore @examishbookwyrm @star-yawnznn @real-sharena-h @fandomloverrr @metalmonki @onlyangel-444 @yu-winchester @benniwiththefanni @daisychaingirl @immagods @missmieux @yoongi-holland @littledebbieinabigworld

[autistic-ben-tennyson]

Ben and Gwen: lonely kid and gifted child

I’ve thought a lot about these two and their family dynamic. Both are relatable to me but in different ways. Like Gwen, I’ve always been the “mature” one who was good at school and loved by the adults in my life, but I also don’t have any friends and have a desire for fame and attention like Ben. At first glance, they seem to have little to complain about, being white kids with stable homes and two parents, compared to someone like Kevin, but there’s more to a character than just the surface and I think both have a lot of emotional issues relating to their self worth.

With Gwen, we get glimpses into her life and how everyone views her as perfect. Sunny envied how she was adored by her parents and Verdona and Gwen wished her mother would stop thinking of her as the “good influence”. All the adults in her family loved her and expected her to be the role model for the other kids which is a double edged sword. Yes you get praise and love but also pressure and high expectations. You’re expected to babysit the other kids and often have to bury your true feelings to please everyone and people will envy the love you get. And that love is often conditional and based around living up to their standards, remember how Natalie told her “normal people don’t glow” and how she doesn’t like her daughter or nephew using their powers around her.

As a kid, she was constantly doing extracurriculars like cotillion and judo before earning a scholarship to go to college early in Omniverse. We got a glimpse into her daily life in “It’s not Easy Being Gwen” where everyone expects her to fulfill certain obligations. Gwen seems like a child prodigy who feels she has to be the best and is always filling her schedule with activities and is always trying to get into the top schools. I think that’s why she fell for Kevin. He was the only one who loved her without putting her on a pedestal or because she’s family. The only person she could be herself around and doesn’t force her to act like a perfectionist. People complain about her outfit change in OV and I agree with some of the criticisms, but with all the pressure in her life, I get why she would want a change from the expectations in her life.

Ben strikes me as someone with a deep inferiority complex. It’s implied that he’s a bit of a loner who doesn’t have many friends with JT ditching him for Cash. He did get along better with Sunny which makes me wonder if he can relate to being in Gwen’s shadow. Fans talk about how great Carl and Sandra are as parents and while they are nice people, their free range approach can seem negligent. They only seemed concerned about Ben’s heroics once they witnessed it. By that time, Ben had been on late night road trips with Kevin, who punched holes in their doors, for weeks and didn’t even come home one night in “Save the Last Dance”. Ben may have acted the way he did in the OS as a cry for help as he feels neglected and the favoritism everyone has towards Gwen may rub off on him. It reminds me a bit of how Steven from SU acted the way he did in the early episodes because he was constantly being left alone without the gems or Greg while being compared to Rose. Kids who don’t have friends nor get much attention while living in a family member’s shadow can and do develop inferiority complexes.

Ben’s desire for fame seems to stem from wanting to be loved and wanting to feel special. He becomes so full of himself because people finally love him as opposed to viewing him as some average kid. Fans have dismissed the bullying he faced as cliche or unnecessary but it adds to his character. A lonely, bullied kid who’s in the shadow of his overachieving cousin will want something that makes him feel special, like the Omnitrix. Ben has to learn throughout the 4 shows that he is the hero, not the watch. I think that’s why he loved using transformations like Four-arms, Humungousaur and Feedback so much even if they were inadequate for the situation as they made him feel confident. The way he fights is reminiscent of standing up to a bully too, picking an intimidating form, offering a chance to back off and then doing what he can to stop the threat. It’s easy to write him off as just a spoiled brat or narcissistic but I think 1, that’s ableist and 2, is a rather shallow way of looking at his character. While he can be insufferable at times, is it wrong to want acknowledgement or praise when there’s people like Will Harangue or the Rooters who hate you just for existing? I think he deserves a break from fans who hate him and he acts a lot better than most kids would in his situation. Compare him to Shinji Ikari from Evangelion, who I also love as a character, who would break down after seeing what Ben has to deal with every day.

I think both may envy each other at times. Gwen has been shown to be jealous of Ben getting all the glory as well as how Ben was given a car by her boyfriend despite her parents being wealthier. Like Sunny, Ben may have viewed Gwen as a stuck-up overachiever who got all the respect from their parents. That was until they bonded and became friends in the OS but it occasionally came back like when Ben lashed out at her for telling him he couldn’t use Feedback, believing she was trying to take the only thing he had. Because they have it easier than Kevin, it’s easy to expect them to just get over it but I think both Tennyson cousins need a lot of therapy and need to talk about their issues with each other. Both characters mean a lot to me and remind me of my own struggles.

[moonlightdreamzz]

THIN APOLOGIES / PART 1

SUMMARY ✰ Mark is your boyfriend, and Vernon is your best friend. You're sick of Mark not treating you right, and Vernon is too. He's also sick of watching from the sidelines when he knows no one can make you happier than him.

PAIRING ✰ Idol!Mark x Idol!Reader x Idol!Vernon

GENRE ✰ ANGST & FLUFF

NOTE ✰ This is actually the first story I ever wrote in my entire life three years ago. It’s my baby. I said to myself, I should rewrite this because the original version was written like the beginner I was at the time. I hope you all enjoy. It’s so good.

© moonlightdreamzz

Blonde by Frank Ocean has been playing on loop for hours over your speakers. For what seems like days, your gaze has been fixed on the candle blazing in front of you. There are numerous reasons why you can't take your eyes off its flame—the first being that if you do, you'll be forced to see all of the decorations and food you prepared for Mark, who has decided for the third time in a row that you aren't important enough to show up for. All of his favorite things are strewn throughout your living room, unused.

The second reason you can't tear your gaze away from the flame is that you're intrigued. The lavender-scented wax is nearing the end of its life after being used for so long. What happens when there’s none left? Does the flame die peacefully? Or does the jar burn and combust, leaving you regretting not extinguishing the flame sooner?

Sick isn't the word to describe how your boyfriend has made you feel over the past few months. You’ve tried to see the positives of his absence right now, but it’s utterly impossible. What could you say to yourself? At least you got ditched in the comfort of your own home this time, Y/N? And not in a restaurant, or a random parking lot his manager drove you to?

Mark always has his excuses of course. His favorite one to use was that you don’t understand the sacrifices it takes to be an idol. When the two of you first began to have issues, you took those words to heart. You know how much he’s sacrificed to be where he is, and you never wanted him to think you were that girl—the girl who got in a relationship with an idol and acted like she didn’t know what she was signing up for. As time passed, you realized that he was just manipulating you.

He’s so good at it too. Or maybe he’s just an incredibly beautiful man, whose doe eyes could convince anybody that he indeed is a good person—he just doesn’t think sometimes. You just wish he’d understand that you indeed do understand his life, it’s simply his unfulfilled promises that are so incredibly frustrating. Summer Walker once said, “it doesn’t matter how hard I I try, I say it nice, yell it out loud, write it down, I’m tired.” She damn sure was right.

“Why plan a date you can’t come to? Just tell me it’ll be awhile before I’ll see you again.”

“I’m sorry, baby. I thought I could make it.”

Your phone begins vibrating on your coffee table infront of you, interrupting the reflecting that you’re tired of doing anyways. You know it’s Mark, back again with whatever his reason is this time for not showing up. For a second, you consider not picking it up. Maybe if he knew what it felt like to be abandoned, he’d stop doing it to you.

You inhale deeply before picking up the phone, surprised at whose name is popping up.

“Vernon?” You whisper to yourself. You feel a brief burst of happiness before immediately shifting to concern due to the time of night.

You and Vernon have been close friends since debut. Some would say it’s because you two are the English speakers of your group, but you only saw that as a plus in your friendship. In reality, Vernon was a quirky, artsy, adorably curious boy, and you always felt this weird urge to…protect him. You figure he was drawn to how you never judged him, and how open you were about what you referred to as “Vernon’s philosophies”. He got your jokes, and you pretended you understood his. The rest is history.

Laughter escapes your throat, scaring you simultaneously as you can’t remember the last time you genuinely found anything funny. In the midst of your giggles, Vernon begins to FaceTime you, and you don’t hesitate to answer the phone.

You can see through the phone how hard he’s trying to be irritated with you, but you also notice how bad he’s failing at doing so. The corner of his pink lips are twitching, and his hooded eyes are melting along with it as neither of you break virtual eye contact with each other. This only makes you laugh even harder. His flawless features don’t hold long, and he’s smirking boyishly now.

“You really think this is funny, huh?”

“Absolutely.”

“Well you know what I think is funny right now? You’re alone right now.” He jokes.

“Ha ha,” You laugh sarcastically, “Am I really this worthless? Like be honest.” You question, a sad smile naturally creeping onto your features as reality attempts to set back in.

Vernon’s eyes roll aggressively, followed by a deep inhale. You know him. He wants to tell you about yourself, and remind you of all the times you promised him you’d have more confidence, just to end up asking him questions like this in the end. It takes him longer than you expected to find kind words to say to you, but you appreciate the fact that he cares enough to spare you, because he wouldn’t do it for anyone else.

“Don’t ever call yourself worthless. He’s the worthless one. If he can’t see how amazing you are,that’s his problem and you shouldn’t just sit here and take it, Y/N. That’s not even like you.”

“But…I love him.”

“Yeah...that always sucks doesn’t it?” He says, almost as if he’s speaking to himself and not you. “I know it’s late, but how about I come keep you company Y/N?. You deserve to be happy for at least a few hours don’t you think?” He chuckles.

He’s no longer looking directly at you. He’s looking at whatever is below him now. Vernon coming to keep you company isn’t a terrible idea. Right now, you so deeply crave to be around someone who actually cares about you, and he’s a clear candidate.

“Yeah! Let me get dressed and I’ll come pick you up.”

“Do really think I’d let you leave your house at this hour to do anything for me?”

“Well, how else are you gonna get here? You don’t have a car and I know your manager is knocked out.”

His boyish smile returns, and you already know a sarcastic comment is closer than around the corner. “You ever heard of uber?”

Now you’re the one rolling your eyes. Was this okay? I mean, the two of you are only friends, but Dispatch nor fans would care about that if they so happened to be stalking you. Him coming over late could turn into a whole situation that you aren’t in the mood to hear about.

“What if you get caught?” You question, although unconsciously do you begin to tidy up in your living room.

“I didn’t.”

He didn’t? Was he already—

Your doorbell ringing interrupts your thoughts.

“Vernon!” You scream through the phone, so many questions running through your mind.

“Are you going to let me in, or are we gonna hangout from outside the door?” He snickers slyly.

You should have known he was up to no good the moment you couldn't identify where he was from his surroundings. All you saw was darkness, but you imagined he was walking around his neighborhood or simply in the dark, because that was so Vernon.

With precision and quickness, you run to the door and open it. You’re still dolled up; face beat like it’s prom night from the date you should’ve been wrapping up by now. Vernon steps in, and for a second it seems like he’s frozen in place. It’s embarrassing, as you often got reactions like this when you dressed up because without an occasion, you were going to choose sweatpants, a graphic tee, and crocs everytime.

“Woah.” He utters.

“What? You just saw me on the phone, Vernon.” You question amusingly before walking to your kitchen to grab him a water.

“Thank you.” He whispers as he takes it out of your hand. “It’s just…you’re so…ugly.”

You know that he thinks you’re going to hit him immediately, so you wait an extra second before punching him lightly in his stomach.

“Shut up!” You laugh, loudly this time. It’s a rare occurrence these days for anything to unconsume your mind of Mark Lee, but Vernon’s doing that with ease right now. “You stay your ass right there and I’ll be back. I should probably take all this off.” You whisper while pointing to you and all your current glory.

“Take your time.” Vernon utters, no funny business in the room now. His smile is gentle as he nudges you towards your room.

You began walking in slow motion down your hallway. “Oh trust me, I will.” It doesn’t take you long to strip down to your natural state. You remove your clothes first, settling on a gray t-shirt you’ve had for years. If you didn’t have company, you’d stop it at that. You decide on some matching gray pajama shorts. The sight of Mark’s clothes in the drawer pisses you off all over again. As you remove your makeup, you can't help but squeal with delight. The wipes that you bought in replacement of the ones that took way too many to clean your face, was worth the investment.

The final touch is your bonnet, which you slip on your head with ease. Your icy feet drag over the hallway floor, a flood of fatigue washing over you.

“Awe.” Vernon coos when you reappear. In the midst of you getting ready for bed, he carefully placed all of the decorations you left out for Mark out of sight in the kitchen. He really wanted to throw it away, but that wasn’t his decision to make. Netflix is waiting for two of you.

“Don’t awe me.” You plop yourself on the couch so hard you’re pretty sure Vernon levitates for a second. You push the button to recline your seat, shutting your eyes right and leaning your head back with a sigh. “Thank you, Vernon.” You say the second you realize he cleaned up your clutter. The room feels less heavy now that you’re not forced to look at your wasted hard work. You feel his gaze on you, but energetically, you can’t interpret why he’s staring at you. You’ll settle on pity.

“Ah, I haven’t done much. Plus, you’ve always been there for me.”

Your comfort turns into guilt, recalling all the times you haven’t been there for your close friend in the midst of you and Mark’s relationship crashing. “Not like this.” You utter.

“Well, no you haven’t surprised me with a big box of donuts and a new video game,” He chuckles, “But you’ve been there for me. A lot of times unknowingly, if I’m being honest. Your presence alone…does a lot for me—I mean, for people.” He rambles. “Plus, I’m one of a kind, anyways.”

A smile creeps onto your features at him teasing you lovingly. You’re beginning to doze off, which typically makes you stare at things unintentionally. Your target tonight is Vernon, who is sitting extremely close to you right now. Your hand begins to entangle themselves in his locs, causing his eyes to flutter in relaxation.

“Enough about me.” You protest softly, “What’s going on in the life of Hansol, hm?”

“Nothing much,” He whispers, enjoying the feeling of your hands running through his scalp. His eyes are stuck on the ceiling, but you know he’s still listening to you. “I’m like a robot these days. I wake up, go to practice, go back to the dorm, sleep, repeat.”

“Why didn’t eat make the list?”

“Oh yeah, that too. But you know me. If I have to pick between sleeping and eating, I’m picking the first option.”

“Oh I know.” You can’t count on one hand the amount of times you scolded Vernon for sleeping too much, even though you do the same thing the second you get a break from schedules.

“Too much of a good thing, is a bad thing, Vernon.”

“Not everything.” He whispers, seemingly dazed out now. You’re ceiling wasn’t that interesting. He has something on his mind, but you’re not sure if you want to pick his brain. If he wanted you to know what’s on his mind, he’d say it. At the same time, you’re his right hand woman, and he’ll just have to deal with you being in his business.

Your eyebrows raise in an interrogative fashion. “Give me an example?”

“You.” He says simply. His eyes lock themselves into yours confidently, but you’re unsure how to feel. What was he trying to say? Is he flirting? Is he just being kind? It’s always been so hard for you to understand him when he gets like this.

“What about me?” Is all you can manage. You’re not sure why you’re nervous now, but you are. You hope you’re not making it obvious that his comment has made your breathing unsteady.

“I’m just saying it’s impossible to get tired of you. ‘Too much’ of you,” he air quotes, “would make the world a much better place.”

“You think so?” You question genuinely. “Mark doesn’t seem to think so.”

“Mark is a fucking idiot.” He spits out.

“I’m not gonna disagree.”

“I mean look at everything you did for him today, just for him to not show up?” Vernon begins to frantically point in all directions of your home, including at yourself as well as your kitchen. “What kind of boyfriend doesn’t come home to this?”

Silence is the only thing you can provide right now. One because he’s right, but two, because you’ve never seen Vernon so riled up on your behalf. He was the one always talking you off cliffs, not the other way around.

“Sorry,” He clears his throat. His voice is back to his regular tone now.

“Don’t be. Thank you for caring about me.”

You don’t know why, but you feel a desire to nuzzle into Vernon’s shoulder, so you do. Naturally, he wraps his arm around your shoulder to allow you more comfortability. Maybe it’s wrong, maybe it’s not, but it doesn’t feel wrong being in his arms right now. You know if you consider Mark, you should pull away, but when’s the last time Mark considered you?

“Is this okay?” He questions, his tone a mixture of hope and concern as he’s likely reading your mind right now. He had a knick for that when it came to you.

“It’s okay.” You decide. I mean, who’s going to catch you?

The two of you lay like that for the remainder of the night, watching a movie that Vernon puts on, but you can't concentrate. All you can think of is how you're lying in the arms of another man, your heart fluttering. That isn't supposed to happen. However, your thoughts are brief because you quickly find yourself dozing off in his arms that feel as if they never want to let you go.

It’s the wee hours of the morning when your phone rings, and then vibrates, indicating someone has called and texted you.

You and Vernon sleep through it.

TO BE CONTINUED

© moonlightdreamzz

[johannestevans]

Hi! I just happened to see your post from 2023 about vaginal atrophy and it's such a eye-opener! I've been struggling with it for a while now (as an asexual afab with a male partner... Let's say that feeling uncomfortable and too tight during intercourse is my normal) and I suspect it must have to do something with my contraception ring, but all I got from my gyn was to use lube and that I'm only too tight (sometimes even putting ONE finger in to put the ring in irritates my entrance, but I need it to not have painful periods and diarrhea) because I only see my partner 1-2 monthly, so I'm not constantly used to stimulation, according to him. I've caught a candida infection recently (with no previous history of it) and I had had struggles with my vaginal ph nearing that of menopausal women before, but all I got from my doc were a cream (once! And he said that if it comes back I'll need extensive medical therapy) and every time I complain of any symptoms I get boric acidic vaginal insertions (idk the word, that cone thing which you have to insert then it melts and gets absorbed) which feel like inserting chili peppers and I'm struggling to keep taking that for even a week, so I never finish the whole pack. Your post made me realise that I might need to ditch my obgyn (and get a female one). I hope it's not my ring that is causing my athropy though since he never recommended oral contraception cause of my history of mental illness, which he says would be negatively effected by the greater hormonal swings of the pill. But at this point, I'm not sure if that's not him being misogynistic again lol. Anyways, your post kept me from gaslighting myself about my worries so thanks ❤️ I'm wishing all cis and trans vagina owners less struggling and better doctors! You deserve it.

Post on Vaginal Atrophy.

Vaginal tightness can absolutely be impacted by how regularly you're using the muscles and by extension how often you're having sex, but to be so tight as to have difficulty inserting your finger as a constant is definitely a sign that something might be up!

Extreme tightness can be a symptom of vaginismus as well as vaginal atrophy - "vaginismus" like other vulvodynic conditions is kind of used as a catch-all term for tightness that doesn't have a specific diagnosable cause. Mine improved considerably when I started testosterone (which improved my arousal, my blood flow, and probably impacted my feelings of gender dysphoria) and then cleared up almost entirely when I started receiving counseling for my experiences of child sexual abuse.

The thing is though, while vaginismus is often assumed to be caused by psychological issues and concern, it is the basic responsibility of a medical care provider to eliminate potential physical causes before immediately sweeping to diagnoses of the psychological and psychosomatic.

This sort of involuntary tightening of the muscles can be something to look out for particularly when you're under stress or feeling anxious about penetration, sure, but what you're describing does sound like you're immediately getting irritation and discomfort rather than just physical muscle tightness, and even if it's not an ongoing atrophy, it certainly sounds potentially like a lubrication issue or an issue with the sensitive mucous membranes around your vagina.

Absolutely get another gynecological consult if you can, and yes, woman doctors are always a good shout over men, especially in these fields - they're not perfect, of course, but definitely bring up your concerns and ask them to have a look at your medical notes and see if anything specific rings a bell.

Remember when you do for a vaginal exam that if you're particularly anxious about penetrative exams themselves, you can often ask in advance for a paediatric speculum which is generally a lot smaller than the regular specula, and a lot of doctors are able to apply a topical anaesthetic to aid the internal exam. When I went for a pap smear when my vaginismus was quite bad I had the topical anaesthetic in combination with an oral muscle relaxant as well - your doc should be able to provide more info if this is a concern for you.

Good luck, Anon, and I'm so, so sorry your doctor has been so shitty, it's honestly so common for doctors to routinely dismiss vaginal pain and especially vaginal tightness and to immediately work on the "problem" of how open that vagina is to presumed men's penetration of it rather than the actual vagina owner's comfort, safety, health, and pleasure.

[hiddenwritingsintheworld]

Cruel Summer Ch. 5

Donations | Thoughts & Feelings | Cruel Summer Series | Chapter 4

(Thank you all so much for being patient as I worked through personal issues!! I'm trying to write and get new chapters out for you guys. I'm still dealing with personal issues but for now, I'll push through, thank you all so much for always sending kind supportive messages. Love you guys! Enjoy!

P.S. you can find clues about future chapters if you read through the tags ;) )

-Chapter 5-

You stared at him before giggling, “Funny Chris, you know….. about us…now that we’re…ya know…gonna be public and all that.” you smiled as he chuckled. “Baby…you know we could never be public…I can't ditch the perfect, good girl next door, to go out with an old co star…besides, we’d never work out publicly, we're better this way. Private, just you and me, locked away in a bedroom somewhere.” he leaned in to kiss you again, but you pulled back feeling bile rise in your throat. “You never planned on leaving her for me…did you?” you asked, staring at the bed. “Babygirl,” he walked around the bed to sit by you on your side of the bed. 

He pulled your chin up kissing your lips before you pulled back, he only had a moment to see your eyes before you slapped him as hard as you could. “Get out. Get the fuck out!” you glared at him before you moved quickly off the other side of the bed. “Sweethear-” “FUCK YOU!” you screamed. “GET OUT!!” you grabbed his clothes throwing them at him, he ducked as his shoes flew at his head. 

The door busted open, your security guards and Megan stood there. “Oh Y/N…” She said softly as Chris stood up after sliding his jeans on. “Y/N! Baby come on! Knock it off, let's talk about this!” he snapped back at you. You raced off into the bathroom, locking the door as the tears fell. You started the shower, a sob leaving your lips as you slid down to the floor crying. 

A few weeks later

“And in other news mega worldwide Popstar Y/N, has deleted all posts from her social media. Sources say, She’s “Blacking out any and all communication on tour, and while she loves sharing her life with her fans, touring has taken a toll on her, she’ll return eventually, but for now. She’s got to focus on herself.” wow, so no more thank you posts to all her concert goers? That’s gonna feel like a slap to the face.” the news reporter stated as her co-star started in on you and your reputation. You sat by the window staring out over the city, thankful that no one could see you all the way up here. “Turn it off.” you grumbled out, “You know it's interesting, one former Avenger star announces his wedding date with pictures of his fiance’ the same time another former Avenger star blacks out her social media? I smell drama!” he chuckled as she gasped. 

“I don’t need to hear how Lacey and Simon think I’m some big fuck up for not wanting to be on social media right now.” you said getting up and grabbing your phone. “I’m going down to the gym, maybe running will clear my head.” you said matter of factly before grabbing your headphones. “Maybe you shouldn’t go alone?” Megan asked as she stood up. Your phone had been blowing up from friends and family checking in on you, wondering why you’d gone radio silent. 

You felt your phone go off as you exited your room and felt the corners of your mouth turn up for the first time in what felt like forever. 

Hemsworthy: ‘This place is super boring without you here.’ 

Y/N: ‘Tell me about it. I wish you were here. Life fucking sucks right now.’ 

Hemsworthy: ‘Heard you went black out on socials….you doin okay? 

Y/N: ‘Yep…got a lot going on & I don’t want to see anything online…just, want to focus back on friends and myself for a while…’ 

You sighed as you sent the message, heading into the gym where you began to walk on the treadmill. You thought back over all your time with Chris lately, before he left for South America. The movie nights eating ice cream, playing new songs for him, talking him through his depression when it came to the divorce. You felt tears in your eyes, how could you have been so fucking stupid. 

Were you this desperate to fall in love and be with someone? You’d mistook your friendship with Chris, the things that friends did, as romantic interest and felt yourself developing feelings for him. He was just recently divorced…why would he even think about dating anyone; you needed serious help. 

Hemsworthy: ‘You know if you keep running on the treadmill, you’re gonna burn holes in those tennis shoes missy. :P’ 

You glanced at the message before you did a double take; you didn’t remember telling him you were going to work out to clear your head. “If I have to stand back here any longer I’m gonna go insane.” his thick Australian accent startled you, causing you to whip around as you pulled your headphones off. “Oh my god!” you dashed over to him jumping into his arms as he laughed and hugged you tight. “I missed you popstar,” he mumbled in your ear as you buried your face into his hoodie, breathing in his scent. “I missed you too,” you whispered against his shoulder. 

You jumped down smiling up at him, “Let’s go order some room service and catch up,” he chuckled and cleared his throat, “Uh…I wanted to see if you wanted to go to dinner tonight, with me?” he smiled softly. “Somewhere nice?” he asked as you grinned and nodded, “yeah! That sounds fun!” you said as you both walked to the Elevators. “I have this super cute outfit I’ve been wanting to wear anyways!” you grinned as he chuckled. “I’m sure you’re going to look as beautiful as you always do,” Chris smiled at you, his eyes twinkled softly as you talked about your upcoming show, which was a couple of nights away and Chris was thrilled he was going to attend it. 

When he was touring with you, he would stay back at the hotel, usually cooking a meal for the two of you and picking out a couple of movies for you guys to watch and relax after your shows. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to go to your shows, it was just easier to avoid the press. After the divorce, anytime they had the opportunity to print something about him or his ex wife, they jumped on it.  

Once you guys made it back up to the hotel suite, you got ready for the evening, excited to have a nice dinner with someone who didn’t give a shit how famous you were, or what was happening in your life. You looked in the mirror and smiled at the black sequinned dress, which looked like a night sky, with clouds and a half moon on it. You wore strappy black heels and a fur jacket; and paired it with a silver flashy purse with a diamond studded necklace. 

Chris grinned as he saw you come from your bedroom, “Whoa…you look…..incredible,” he held his hand out spinning you around as you giggled softly, “Thank you. My friend Kayleigh had this made for me, and I hadn't found the right occasion to wear it yet, but thought tonight was perfect.” you smiled as he smiled tenderly at you. “Well it’s perfect, come, I’ve made reservations for us.” he chuckled as you giggled excitedly. “Yay! It’s going to be so nice just…going to dinner and relaxing,” you said as you both headed to the car. 

Pulling up to your favorite restaurant you sighed softly, the paparazzi were covering the street and you looked at Chris. “I’m sorry…I know you want to avoid them, I can go first…maybe see if they have a back entrance you can come through?” you said as he reached over and grabbed your hand, smiling softly. “I think I can manage a few photos with a beautiful girl before we go to dinner.” 

The way he smiled at you, something felt different, you were starting to convince yourself that it was all in your head, but a small part of you wanted him to be into you. You knew you were developing feelings for him. “Y/N! Over here! Over here!” several voices shouted at you as you climbed out of the SUV and made your way around to the sidewalk. You smiled, waved at them, clearly not showing annoyance that you held toward them sometimes and even asked a few of them how they were doing this evening. 

You stopped and posed for a couple of photos, when the other door opened and Chris got out smiling and waving at them for a moment before he put his hand on the small of your back as he walked with you to the door. The camera clicks intensified as he placed his hand on your back and you could hear them shouting more questions as you walked in together.

Tag List:

@notebooks-of-nonsense @fdl305 @bval-1 @calimoi @syntheticavenger @mrsjenniferwinchester @chaneajoyyy @mommad @ellen-reincarnated1967 @adriellej @coffeebooksandfandom @patzammit @posiemax @auriel187 @ladybug05 @stoneyggirl2 @fallenoutofrose @mrspeacem1nusone @teamfreewill-imagine @inlovewith3 @auvisanspeur @whiskeytangofoxtrot555 @leaveitbythewave @sleutherclaw @sandlee44 @aaqua-tofana @nohumanswereharmed @msgrandma49 @traceyaudette @cevansbaby-dove

[loth-creatures]

Knowing how much Ahsoka struggled to be Sabine's master --- would she get advice from Kanan when she visits Lothal? Most likely giant wolf to giant wolf??

Wellll see I kinda ditched the entire Jedi!Sabine narrative. Listen if they HAD to go that direction, I believe they could have done it well but they really did not (to put it generously), and while I've considered trying to do it better myself, at the end of the day I wish they just hadn't done that at all.

Tldr: Ahsoka and Kanan probably will have a giant wolf to giant wolf conversation but idk if it'll be about looking out for Sabine or searching for Ezra or what

So this is my tentative and unrefined interpretation of Ahsoka and Sabine's relationship for SWW Ahsoka, aka roughly how I imagined it would be like before that damn show ever came out (sorry in advance this spiraled all over the place. I meant to elaborate a little bit and then I couldn't stop. I tried to keep it concise but. There's a lot to unpack that I didn't expect to have to unpack in order to get to the point lol)

First and foremost Sabine isn't fucking Force-sensitive. Ahsoka teaches her a lot about the Jedi, and continues her lightsaber training, and I think Jedi teachings and excercises can have a lot of value to ordinary people! But she's not trying to be a Jedi. Ahsoka does feel mentorly instincts towards Sabine, partly bc she knows what she's going through as a very young veteren and genocide survivor. Partly bc she does feel the need to pass her knowledge on to someone. Partly bc deep down Ahsoka is pretty damn lonely too, and Sabine is very family-shaped. And also because wolfwalkers stick together.

They call her Ahsoka's 'practice padawan' as a joke. Huyang is like. You really ought to find a Padawan one of these days. And Ahsoka's like. Why would I need a Padawan I have Sabine. And Huyang is like. Listen I'm very happy to have Sabine with us but you ought to get a real Padawan.

But how could Ahsoka ever take on a student while she's still wrangling with whether or not she wants to be a Jedi? Which, they never actually show her making a decision on that. Or rather there's really no transition between "I am no Jedi" and whatever she's got going on in the show which. Long story short, I hated it. Ass writing. In my personal opinion.

I think I’m just gonna lean into the idea that she feels like she can't truly be a Jedi whether she wants to or not bc she was trained to be a soldier instead, combined with the fear of Anakin's darkness manifesting in herself, distrust of his training, etc. Up until the point where she decides to put Anakin behind her for good and trust in her own experiences, during her WBW adventure (which goes way differently in my head but I will elaborate on that later. Maybe.) But for the purposes of this au, she doesn't even commit to being a Jedi again until dying for the 3rd(?) time and honestly maybe she still doesn't. Maybe it takes all the way to wet puppy Shin dropping in her lap that she sees her path as a Jedi path. Idk.

Ahsoka's arc is not an aspect of the story I expected to address in depth myself so idk how much I'm gonna get into it within the comic itself. It's hard to go over every issue bc lothwolfwalkers is just an anthology series adapting small chunks of the timeline that I find work well with the wolfwalking, and I'm trying not to make more work for myself than I have to, bc I already have plenty. Rewrite is maybe a strong word, when I'm just cherry picking what I liked from the ahsoka show and adjusting what I didn't like in a way that keeps the overall plot intact for simplicity sake. I will eventually write an official detailed ahsoka-from-my-head post, but the comics will just be little scenes based on that.

Anyway,

Regarding Sabine and Ahsoka's falling out. It doesn’t happen. In fact I think Ahsoka will take Sabine under her wing after the fall of Mandalore and they just immediately start looking for Ezra in the unknown regions, bc Sabine is like hey I have nothing left here can we go look for my brother now. They don't find anything. Eventually Ahsoka gets wrapped up in other business and Sabine ends up back on Lothal depressed as fuck (despite Kanan, Hera, and Zeb's best efforts to be there for her, infinitely more than what is depicted in the show) until Ahsoka finds the map and shows up for round 2. Or smth like that.

Side note: I am going to declare the Wrens MIA not dead. Because I hate hate hate that they were unceremoniously killed off screen and wasted the way they were. I guess I could just unkill them completely but well I am a sucker for that angst and something about the devastation of that reveal seared it so deep in my head that I can't imagine the story without it now (thanks for that Dave. Fuck you Dave.) So uh, they're trapped on Mandalore with those other survivors from Mando S3. After Sabine's already left for Peridea they manage to finally get off Mandalore due to S3 events and track down Hera and are like WHERE IS SABINE. Cue Clan Wren Ghost Crew team up to get their fucking kids back. Though everyone will probably make it back on their own before they figure out a way to hop galaxies.

[the-type-a]

Duncney Week 2024

Day 4: In Another Life

“When we kiss, my Prince will be you.” Create Duncney in another universe.

*for context purposes this a little snippet of an AU I’ve been working on but don’t really know if anyone would be interested in reading— so if you like it lmk so I can finish some edits and get it out there for real!*

*Read under break*

The group of six sat across one another, the only thing dividing them was a small glass table with tarts and what smelled like fresh wine.

Everyone was in deep conversation, asking questions and trying to catch up on the realm’s never ending issues. The only one who refused to answer anything was Duncan. He insisted Courtney and her sisters had no business knowing valuable information. If anything it made them susceptible to danger, but Courtney would not allow her family to be brought into the middle of something without knowing every detail.

Courtney was positive Duncan got his way 99% of the time. The remaining 1% was taken away the moment she had convinced his friends to give them information. She had smiled sweetly at him as he slouched back in the chair and muttered something she was sure was foul.

Her eyes glared in his direction anytime he scoffed at her questions. Duncan’s eyes connected with hers and gave her a quick wink. She only averted her gaze and tried to focus on what DJ was trying to answer.

His eyes are beautiful though. Still, what an arrogant son of a bit—

Watch it, Princess.

She choked on air. The group in front of her cocking their eyebrows up but continuing with their conversation as she put on a fake smile and cleared her throat.

What the fuck had just happened? Did I say that part out loud?

No, but I heard you loud and clear.

Her eyes darted across the group, coming into contact with said beautiful eyes. She glared at him again.

How is that possible?

I’m just as surprised as you are, but tell me— you really think I have beautiful eyes, huh.

His smirk made her cheeks flush, a mixture of embarrassment and rage beginning to boil.

Don’t flatter yourself, your mere presence cancels everything out.

Everything? Good to know.

His eyes burned into her as he eyed her up and down. And it was moments like this that Courtney wished she could manifest fire. Oh, how she’d love to watch him burn for simply speaking to her. Or whatever this would be classified as.

You’re pretty cute there, Princess.

Shut up.

Even cuter when you’re trying to be mad.

“Oh, fuck off!”

All eyes widened. Shit, that was actually out loud.

“Everyone look out, it seems like this Princess is starting to lose it.”

“Courtney, are you okay?” Gwen asked with concern.

“I’m fine! Just… exhausted.”

“Then by all means, leave. We’d hate to have you miss your beauty rest.”

“Duncan!” DJ tsked with a disapproving frown.

“What? I’m sure she’d love an excuse to ditch this ridiculous conversation.”

“This is a serious conversation that involves a lot of thought!” She tried to defend, but Duncan wasn’t having it. He was simply too bored with whatever everyone was trying to accomplish in one sitting.

“And you’re bugging out.”

“Maybe you should rest.” Bridgette interjected, reaching over to rest a hand on Courtney’s shoulder.

She shot daggers at Bridgette. Way to back her up.

“I just mean, we’ve come a long way. We should all recharge and meet back up tomorrow?”

“Sounds good to me.” Geoff said with a smile and nod.

Geoff and DJ said their goodbyes and made their way towards the front door. Bridgette and Gwen had just turned to exit the room when Duncan turned around to look at her once more.

Sleep well, Princess. He said, well thought.

Fuck off. She bit back, this time knowing it wasn’t out loud.

He genuinely smiled at her before walking out after his two friends.

—

[mamirhodessxox]

His Strange Addiction (Pt 8)

Cody Rhodes x Fem Wrestler!OC (Milena Reyz)

Desc: Milena goes down memory lane the night before the gender reveal of her & Cody’s baby, Cody injured himself working on the nursery a little bit & takes if like a champ, Milena discusses some insecurities she’s been experiencing with Cody the day of the gender reveal & he just wishes she could see herself the way he does.

Contents: Angst, Fluff, Arguing, Milena serving cunt, Cody being a whore for Milena, Mentions of insecurity, slightly toxic duo, Mentions of pregnancy, Cody getting an injury.

{~I'm very serious with you guys interacting with my writing!!!! it would make me so happy & excited, the more comments & reposts the more inspiration i have to write :) Votes and comments are strongly appreciated so please COMMENT COMMENT COMMENT COMMEENNTTT the more comments the more content <3!!!~}

13 years ago

Cody & Milena became acquainted with each other & that very night was the beginning of everything that went up to their marriage in 2023, Milena used to be into dance before she even got into wrestling in early 2010 meanwhile Cody was thriving in his newly started WWE career, both of them had a mutual best friend which was Seth Rollins. He knew Cody was actively looking for a girlfriend and he also knew Milena was looking for a relationship as well & automatically he knew if he introduced them they would have an interesting relationship dynamic, Cody was in the middle of his Dashing high ego cocky era & Milena was just a hot girl that everyone either wished they could be her or be with her.

January 27th 2010 was the night WWE was holding some random after party after an event in L.A and Seth decided to play wing man & bring Milena along with him to this party, She was already well known famously due to her history with modeling & being best Friends with the y2k it girls such as Paris Hilton, So it wasn’t a surprise to Seth when people tried talking to Mills literally because of her connections, Cody knew who she was, sort of, He would see Seth post random selfies with her over the internet or just come across her iconic selfies.

Milena walked into the random house party & looked around for Seth, in-fact, Seth was in the bathroom with Cody “Okay, Hear me out, I know a girl and I think you might like her.” Seth tried convincing him but Cody had his hands on his hips shaking his head “Seth you know for a fact I don’t like random girls that You even just met at parties” Seth shook his head “She’s one of my friends actually, pretty hot to be honest, Blonde..for now, only issue is that she had a very big and loud mouth, Just trust me.” Cody crossed his arms “show me what she look like.” Seth shook his head “Just trust me on this one bro.” Cody sighed and gave in nodding in agreement.

Meanwhile Milena was in a kitchen grabbing herself a drink and pushed some random guy away when he tried offering a ‘better time’ Seth was walking around the house pushing past people while Cody followed behind him, The house was practically blasting with music made by Usher, LMFAO!, Nicki Minaj, Kesha, every single popular artist during this time. Milena pulled out her flip phone just about to text Seth but he found her immediately “Mills! There you fuckin’ are thought you totally ditched me.” He laughed pulling her into a hug while she smiled “Seth you know I could never turn down a party c’mon now.” She saw Cody & immediately recognized him from WWE and also mainly Seth but didn’t really freak out, she held out her hand smiling “Sorry, must be pretty rude of me to not introduce myself, I’m Milena.” He nodded before giving her a charming and DASHING smile showing off his pearly whites while shaking her hand “No problem, I’m Cody, heard a lot of things about you from Seth.” She smiled tilting her head “As for you as-well.”

From that very moment Cody knew he only wanted her, he liked the way she held herself as a woman, spoke with such confidence as well as had confidence for herself, he liked how she could hander her liquor, sort of, but he also liked how she would run her mouth when needed, Seth may be a dumbass but goddamn does he know how to match make. For weeks Cody & Mills would go out to the Santa Monica pier, he discovered her favorite food was a California Burrito & even found out she was Latina, he was so enthralled with her that he started panicking to Seth before any wwe match. Milena & Cody were inseparable and definitely ‘active’ before even dating.

On multiple occasions Cody & Milena would wake up together either hung over or flat out naked in bed.

Things between them got serious in July 2010 that Milena even lived with him in Georgia, he even trained her on how to wrestle and that’s how she ended up in WWE, She was always by his side, always going to parties together, media events, you name it, they were absolutely in love with each other, on many occasions friends came over and he would show her off like an award & talk about how it’s a privilege to be with Mills. They loved spending every moment of their days with each other, On their first valentines day that’s when Cody realized he would handle the cooking, Milena tried making dinner & almost burnt the condo on fire and later cried in the kitchen in his arms over it “I can’t believe I ruined our first valentines day.” and he would just chuckle and press a kiss on her head.

December 2015 was the end of their relationship, Cody was out on the road for awhile while Milena was the same but the moment they first saw each other they had a deep discussion, Cody didn’t want to hold her back from any success in her life & he definitely didn’t want her to be alone waiting for him to come home some days, so, he put the relationship to an end, Milena put everything into her power to not show any emotion, in-fact she even acted like it was a good idea, But really whenever she was alone especially after moving out of the apartment she cried & sobbed while Cody was doing the same. Eventually Milena had resigned from WWE and went onto AEW so she wouldn’t have to see Cody anymore during her healing process.

At some point he had to distract his mind from her and that’s how his hookups with Bianca started. Seth was supportive of both Cody & Milena & deep down he knew something would bring them back together, if he sat 2024 Seth down with himself from 2010 and told his old self Cody & Milena were expected a baby he would immediately say “I fucking knew it.”

Present Time

July 6th 2024

Milena was 4 months pregnant & getting ready to have her gender reveal with Cody for tomorrow, She sat in their shared room staring at her old photos from years ago she & cody printed out and even looked at their wedding pictures & wiped away whatever tear fell from her face while her thumb stroked past her face in a picture before she set the photo album down and sighed staring at her baby bump smiling a bit but felt sudden fear when she heard a loud thud following with a very obnoxious “BAAABEE?” From the nursery Cody would work on. Milena furrowed her eyebrows and walked into the nursery with a hand planted against her stomach while Cody sat on the ground holding his elbow “I uhm..fell on my elbow. & I think we should probably go to the hospital.” She sighed and helped him get up but still with a smile on her face.

A few hours later they came back home with Cody wearing an arm sling & held her hand with his free one before stopping in front of the front door “I’m so lucky to have you baby.” She smiled and ran her fingers through his hair “I’m so lucky to be your wife.” He smiled and held the door open for her before going inside & calling it a night, By the next day Milena woke up & Rhea was already in the backyard with Seth & Jey setting up for the gender reveal party & She sat up and got out of bed to use the restroom only to see her husband with Brunette hair & let out a light gasp he turned around & smiled “Y’like it? Seth colored it for me earlier.” Milena smiled and ran her hands through his arm “You look amazing baby, how’s your arm?” He sighed and shrugged “Can’t be in the ring for 3 weeks but I should be fine afterwards.” She hummed before walking into the closet and getting changed into one of her summer dresses that Cody got her.

“You excited for today sweetheart?” He called out while she smiled “Of course I am, I’m also excited for the moment where it’s time to push this baby out.” Cody furrowed his brows and went over to her “Why do you say that baby?” She shrugged and just smoothed out her dress “Just- I dunno I just don’t feel like I’m as pretty now as I was years ago, ‘m not as beautiful as I used to be.” Cody’s heart almost broke when she said those things about herself & went over to hold her face “I don’t wanna hear you say that ever again understand? You’re the most drop dead gorgeous woman on this goddamn earth & You look absolutely fucking gorgeous carrying our baby Mills, I don’t wanna hear that kind of talk ever again.” Milena looked up at him and felt her chin quivering a little bit before nodding and flopping her head against his chest & just started crying. He rubbed her back and muttered how beautiful she was, eventually she got herself together and kissed him “You make me feel young all over again.” He smiled and caressed her cheek “Let’s make our way outside baby c’mon.” She nodded in agreement while he guided her downstairs into the backyard where all of their family & friends were.

Absolutely everyone was excited for Baby rhodes, Seth & Rhea had a microphone set up and Seth immediately started talking which had everyone recording and listen “I just wanted to say really quick that uh- I’m basically the reason why you were even created, no i’m joking but, I am the reason why Your parents are having you, Your mother Milena is a goddamn badass first of all, so is your dad Cody I guess” he laughed into the mic & cleared his throat “I don’t really do emotional speeches or anything but, I really do admire the relationship Cody & Milena have, I haven’t seen anyone in love with each other as much as them & honestly if I told myself from 13 years ago that these two would get married and have kids one day, I would believe it, I mean I am the ultimate wingman, seriously, Cody man I’m so happy for you and I will be teaching that child to make their first word “Uncle Seth” but in all seriousness, I’ve watched those two go through extremely rocky moments over the years, seen em’ yell, cry, DEFINITELY make out but I definitely have to be the best wing man in the world because they found each other again, had the worst fights ever and managed to marry each other & now expect a baby, anyways I think that child is for sure gonna be a boy, but then again I could be wrong, Rhea Take it away.”

Milena smiled & held Cody’s arm while Rhea handed out confetti poppers where the color of the confetti revealed the gender, Milena & Cody shared one while Rhea went up “Today I was given the honor to announce the gender of Milena & Cody’s baby but firstly i would like to address that I won a 1000 dollars in a bet on whether Milena would get pregnant or not and i’m about to win a 1000 more by this reveal, I betted another 1000 on whether the baby was a girl or a boy, I wont say which I betted on but all I have to say is Seth give me your wallet.” Everyone laughed and got ready “Alright, on a count of three you guys are gonna pop the confetti & I will announce the gender alright?? 1..2..3!” Everyone popped their confetti poppers as Rhea announced it was a Girl, Cody threw the popper out of Mills hands and picked her up with his non injured arm very excited with this reveal, Jey & Roman jumped around with each other while Seth pulled out multiple 100 dollar bills from his wallet and gave it to Rhea, “We’re having a babygirl!” Cody yelled out before kissing Milena while she laughed, for the rest of the day everyone talked, Shared stories of Mills & Cody & even gave gifts.

Milena sat in the kitchen with Liv & Rhea while Cody & the guys were outside, Mills sat on a stool near the countertop looking out of the window smiling softly as she stared at her husband with complete adoration until Liv snapped her out of her zoned out moment “I’ve never seen a couple so addicted to each other like You & Cody.” She sighed out while Rhea chuckled drinking some orange juice while Milena smiled “Dunno why but him going back to brunette really makes me wann-“ Rhea shoved a cookie in Mills mouth “Don’t even wanna know what was gonna finish that sentence.” Mill smiled innocently before eating the cookie and getting up to go back outside, she smiled at Cody and clasped her hands around his shoulder and neck before pressing her lips against his, he let out a short groan and kissed her back before running his hand through her hair giving it a light tug & pulling away “You feeling okay baby?” She nodded at his question and messed around with his T Shirt “I just really missed your brown hair.” He chuckled and gave her one more kiss before pressing a kiss into her hand and against her wrist. “My love for you is bigger than the universe.”

🏷️ list: @ginswife @coolpastelartshoe @greatkoalawizard @cokolin044 @kotoriarlert @alicerosejensen @bunnybot55 @agent-dessis-posts @adollonyourshelf @valkyrurr @alyyaanna @niknakbucks92 @mini-rhodes @southerngirl41

xtripleiiix’s Masterlist

[tvckerwash]

Hi, I really enjoy your analysis of toaru, especially those about accel! I recently saw an opinion which bothers me a lot, but somehow makes a point, so I am not sure whether to take it seriously. I wonder what's your opinion: Kihara discovered accel's ability before nine, so he is the one who knows how accel behaves before his monstrous power comes to light, and might be the one closest to accel's "true nature". Is he then, as claimed by Kihara, the "selfish and considerate bastard who secretly puts himself above most"? Especially considering hc op, as someone claims, the problem could be solved instantly if he just comes out of prison, and he seems satisfied in gt 5(?). Does it mean he could tolerate sacrifices of innocents as long as his deep wishes of redemption are satisfied, even if it seems somewhat pretentious? I know it's a harsh opinion, but somehow I don't know what to respond, since I have trouble understanding accel's behaviours throughout hc op. Do you think it's overall selfish or maybe a consistency issue in terms of writing?

aww thank you! theres pretty much no toaru fandom here on tumblr dot com, and not many of the few people that exist are novel readers, so I kind of forget that half my toaru posts exist lol.

if I'm understanding your question correctly, I believe that the opinion you saw was probably made by someone who doesn't understand why accelerator has chosen to take the path he has in gt, and they also don't understand where the immature, over the top arrogance he possessed in ot came from.

his arrogance is not unfounded, and it stems from the fact that he is morally superior to the other members of the dark side that he's gone up against. accelerator is a character who cares very deeply about being good and righting his past wrongs, and he has never tolerated the 'trash' of the dark side dragging innocent or otherwise unrelated parties into dark side problems. saving last order in ot5, ditching index during the ac invasion arc and warning heaven canceler about hound dog, flexing on kakine in ot15 by protecting all the bystanders who got caught in their fight, rescuing the kids being held hostage in ot19, and working together with hamazura in nt1 to save fremea are just some of the many examples of accel's heroism shown throughout the series.

in regards to accel being in prison, I don't think all the problems in ac that occur because of the dark side would be fixed by him not being in prison. sure, it might help, but that doesn't take into account that he now has a responsibility as the board chairman to set a good example, and what kind of message would he be sending to the world if he put his foot down and dismantled the dark side without acknowledging his own previous involvement, and the crimes he committed? that would make him no better than the corrupt, amoral adults he despises, so no matter how much it pains him, he needs to sit back and have faith in others to do what he cannot because this isn't a battle he alone is fighting. with great power comes great responsibility.

[my-name-is-bunnyfoxy]

For the TMNT Ships Ask Thing:

Caseynardo (Leo x Casey)

and/or

Aprilnardo/Leopril (Leo x April)

I love these 2 ships so much. I know they are kind of rarepairs (though, MM gave a lot of love to Leopril and there has been a lot more Leopril stuff. Which is great!), but I love them.

They are very dear to my heart. Personally.

Caseynardo 2012:

I've never heard of it until long time later

Now I'm just kicking my feet

YESSSSSSS

Silly goofball jock x serious and quiet nerd RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

SCREW LEORAI

TO MAKE THIS BETTER LEO IS PRETTY MUCH BI IN THE SERIES (He's stated to have a man crush on Captain Ryan)

THE WAY THEY LOOKED AT EACH OTHER IN THAT ONE EPISODE

I'm aware they were kind of trash talking big foot in a foot too big but they were STILL bonding!!!

Please read Breaking the Ice by @fabuloustrash05 . I stopped studying for a few minutes to just read it and I'm proud. Disclaimer don't ditch your studies to just read fanfics that is not my message.

Anyways the fnafic solified my love for the ship.

Opposites attract

I can also see them as two friends who act gay but actually aren't or maybe they are.

Or two guys who seem gay but~ (inset bisexuality)

It's amazing. A solid 10/10.

2012 Aprilnardo:

We sadly don't get too much content with them but like-

I remember I was kind of introduced to this ship because I followed one of my idols who shipped it and made fanart of it and it was on DA. This was back before it got deactivated my account.

I LOVE 'Eyes of the chimera' episode. They were basically supporting each other all the way.

Ngl the transfem Leo lovers made me love it even more because I love me some lesbians. TMNT is already filled with some lesbians so why not add more!

I love how April is always by Leo's side and we see how much she cares for him.

I love the idea that April used to be into Space Heroes and then Leo got her back into it.

(For those who headcannon as both autistic) they would so totally talk and rant about their hyperfixation.

I wish though they had more moments together.

They are legit underrated.

The ship will get 9/10 for me.

I'll include rise and the mutant mayhem version cause why not.

Rise Leo x Cassandra:

Meh not bad

It's okay at best

I do feel like they could have become very close friends if Cass left junior under Leo's care in the bad future.

They are both reckless and over energetic and yet still have a lot of insecurities and issues that they have to cover it up.

Not a bad idea I suppose.

I guess 4.5/10. I don't know. We didn't get much of them so I mean.

Rise Leo x Junior:

ABSOLUTELY NOT

DNI IF YOU SHIP THEM

LEO WAS LITERALLY A FATHER FIGURE TO CASEY

"But I'm shipping the teen version of Leo with junior not adult-" NO. IT DOESN'T MAKE IT ANY BETTER.

ALSO IMAGINE DATING YOUR FRIEND'S SON. THAT WOULD BE SO DAMN UNCOMFORTABLE.

AGAIN, LEAVE MY PAGE IF YOU SHIP THEM.

Negative 0/10. Get the f out.

Rise Leo x April:

I've seen and been bombared by a ton of art regarding this ship on YT.

Controversial opinion: It's cute.

They both have the same energy and another controversial opinion but, Leo has a way closer relationship with April then Donnie. I've kind of seen more scenes with them together then with her and Donnie.

Though just like last time I prefer her being an older sister figure to him that Leo looks up to.

They both care for each other and love each other no matter what.

April pretty much comforts the turtles about their insecurities so she would do the same with Leo.

Probably a 6/10 or something. Again, prefer them as siblings but don't hate it. I'll kind of indulge in it tbh-

Mutant Mayhem Leo x April:

Better then 2012 Donnie's lmao-

They do have sweet moments

It's sweet they went to prom together

Mah boi was simping real hard

I feel like they should have gotten more scenes

I do feel like maybe April and Leo won't really happen or be cannon though. I don't know man. I'll see how it goes in the Tales of TMNT that will happen in 2024.

I'm really hoping they don't make it into a toxic love triangle or make it creepy or toxic.

I'll take this ship anyway as one of the only few good Leo romances.

It took them after 1987 to finally give Leo a good love interest.

the way he looks at her AHHHHHHHHH

The fanart of them together is really cute and wholesome (that made me remember that I still had that art request from you just sitting in my files- I didn't draw it because I didn't see MM yet- I'll try and get to it at some point I swear-)

Hope we get more scenes of them together

I'm unsure where I sit with this ship just yet. Again I'll see how it goes in the show.

For now, 7/10. I feel like a bit too high but you know what, whatever. The ship is okay so far.

Now...

Is anyone interested in Caprilnardo~?

[edvinception]

I'm looking forward to hear what you have to say about apoy. Have a Nice weekend 💜

Thank you!

Watched it this afternoon and I think the 3/5 reviews make a lot of sense.

Here are my own thoughts in numbers

Acting: 5/5

Story: 2/5

Directing: 3/5

Script: 2/5

Characters: 2/5

The acting is what carried this movie. I like some of the themes, the core theme of grief is nice but I sometimes felt like it could have digges deeper and darker. While I understand grief is not linear ans bottomless darkness I feel like the movie could have benefitted from having a bit more of those soul crushing moments.

I feel like Agnes was a good character. I liked the overall story of her being in denial and pushing away her grief until it wasn't possible. The story is very much her story but sadly the other characters suffered from it and my extension the whole story. Her idgf attitude was annoying but you always had a feeling it was an act, a coping mechanism and I think it worked. It wasn't I'm gonna be my dead sister now and take her boyfriend, at least not in my opinion. It just felt like she was struggling with her grief, she had no support. Her mother left, her sister's boyfriend shows up looking for closure and support. Of course she's gonna repress her feelings to cope and not go under. It was sad to see.

If the other characters had been a bit more developed I think I would have felt more moved my the story as a whole.

The mom ditched his child to go to her own mother, yikes. But then she was a nice loving mother five min later. I wish there would be more focus on that. Good acting from Ida.

Noel also felt bland. Not Edvin's fault. He did his best and it as great. Unfortunately the character felt flat. There could have been more to explore there. He and Julia had issues and you got a sense he was afraid for her and had to be her chaperone. There was hints at darkness but I wish it would have been explored after the big fight. I missed a conclusion. Imagine a short scene at the cemetery? I'm glad there was never a full on romance though. It just felt like there was something missing like a scene where they acknowledged the fight and talked about Julia, leaving it at a light note between them. Felicia and Edvin definitely had chemistry though in their scenes.

I feel like Julia could have lasted a little longer. Giving her 15 min more wouldn't hurt. It would build up her death more. I don't mind that we got little clues here and there. I think Agnes had a very glorified view of Julia and she had been kept out of alot of things. She looked up to Julia who was struggling alot and had alot of darkness in her which their mom and Noel saw more first hand. Probably because Julia protected Agnes from that. I just wish we could have seen a little more of that.

Julia's friends felt weird. Alva's character felt the most realistic but the others were like okat she's dead but there's a party next week, let's go. And why was Agnes suddenly a part of their gang?

I liked the bathroom scene. So good and sad. Also Alvas character accusing Agnes of not visting Julia but not being able to herself felt realistic. Though she had every right to be mad at Agnes using the ID.

The theatre scenes felt done and unnecessary. I don't like them in almost any movie. There always a character breaking down during a monologue and I don't think it's a very fun trope. I understand their purpose but surely you can tell the same story a little less obviously and on the nose?

I can appreciate that there was light in the movie and not just darkness but for me it made me less excited because I love the angst.

Favourite scenes

The scene in the stairs when she repeatedly says "Mamma" was so sad. And then the phone scene and the following scene with the tub. I think they were my favourites along with the one with Alvas character in the bathroom.

I liked the tunnel scene but it wasn't my favourite. It was the only scene where Edvin got to really act though so it was nice. They had great non romantic chemistry in that and were both great. Sadly their arc ended there and i wish we had more as I've already said.

Overall an okay movie. Not my favourite not the worst I've watched.

[kel-lance]

JJK Mafia Au (JJK x Reader) PART 5

Warnings:

- TW: Dead dove dont read (DDDR) Minors do not interact (MDNI): SA, Physical Assault, DubCon, NonCon, Mindbreak, Public Humiliation, Breeding, Ownership, Gaslighting, Multiple manipulation, RWORD, PTSD, a lot more toxic sh.

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AN: It’s my birthday! And I think this is my favorite chapter so far.

I hate to ask though I’m still struggling with the unemployment (got fired from a big bank bc of protesting months ago), the gov rn is holding my weekly needs so I’m about to get evicted next month. If you could donate anything I’d really really appreciate it 😥😥 I had to give away two of my cats already and I’m heartbroken abt it but they’ll have better homes at least. Thanks for reading.

PayPal: appleg0d Cashapp-$taa10t Venmo- taakt17

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“Hey aren’t you supposed to be watching me or something?” You tailed behind this silver haired twink and wondered if he was taking his mission seriously. Was he not afraid of Gojo? Did you get raped by /another/ lowley member of society?

He ignores you and keeps walking down the hall. You stop and wonder if he’ll notice if you were gone. Maybe he was hoping on it, but then you would be out in the open. It may not be such a big deal if it were just a few days ago, but this huge mess was someone's fault, and it couldn’t be yours, could it?

He turns the corner and you swear you saw him glare at you before disappearing. You were now left alone in this large walkway. What the fuck do you do? Before you were fine, you lived for years on your own, but right now you needed someone to tell you what to do.

What the hell was going on? This was “just mafia life”? Or generally being reduced down to just a woman? You backed into the wall and let yourself think for once, while everything was happening, you turned your brain off to survive. Would the days worth of torture and change be too much for you?

You didn’t have to think about that before. Maybe once or twice, but that was when you knew the Gojo and Zenin gangs’ turf. You don’t remember if you’ve seen any of them before, while living normally. Of course most of them looked like anyone else. Without their faces of death, they just looked like regular people.

“What are you doing all alone?” Your eyes shot toward the direction of the new voice. It was pretty, almost melodic as it bounced around the empty hall.

A young man walks towards you, his presence almost indescribable. His smile and looming height were welcoming, but his eyes and dark features, you could read them well. You almost wished Inumaki hadn’t ditched, though you couldn't tell if he could save you from this new character.

“?” He stops in front of you, crossing his arms, still smiling. “I asked you a question.” Fixing his stance, he trapped you by leaning in, as you hadn’t left your spot against the cold wall.

“What? Have you been hanging around Inumaki or something?” He grabs hold of your face, pulling it up, forcing your attention to him. “Speak.” He smiled.

You were tired of this, grabbing back at his arm, you really tried to pull it off of you. Strength would be an issue, but you knew how to use the rest of your body. Jumping up, your wrap your legs around his waist, taking this as a chance to catch him by surprise, hopefully with your weight you were hoping to throw him off his feet. Sadly, you wouldn’t get further than this, as the risky move really costed you.

The dude held you at the waist, locking you in with his grip. His face annoyed, or was it more bored? What was with these guys/ How do they just do this for fun?? You freeze again, you could feel it. “No,” You say. “Please I’m so tired.”

He only looks at you, fear set in deep in your chest though you still didn’t know who this weirdo was. He was as scary as if you knew who Sukuna was in that alley. Exactly who he was and knew what he and did to you. The bulge in his pants getting bigger as you trashed trying to get away, but he just pushed you further into his core.

“My cousin? He didn’t even mean it.” He closes the gap between you two, pressing your chests together, one hand holding you up just by your ass, the other on your back keeping you close, your heartbeat uncontrollable now. “Ill show you what yearning’s really like.” And with that he starts to walk, bringing you back to the living quarters, finding your new/designated room.

“I’ve probably known you longer than any of these idiots, and you let my cousin get to you...” His sweet voice gave the same tone as a knife being sharpened. “When I knew you first.” Your eyebrows furrowed.

“You can think long and hard, but I remember what happened to you 2 years ago. And what about what happened 5 years ago, and I have to mention how cute you looked in glasses.” You sank into yourself, your entire being wanted to disappear. He knew? How did he know? You haven’t worn glasses since high school. And those events, no one would ever have been able to know about.

He brings you to the bed and keeps a hand on you, holding you down with just his hips to yours. God you couldn't do it again. Everything hurt, seriously youd wish they'd be able to knock you out and just let you deal with their mess after, but you knew he wasn’t gonna be merciful with you.

His grip hurt. It’s like he was a spoiled child told to wait, and now that he has his present and he just couldn’t wait to tear it apart. The more you squirmed, the more strength he applied. Pinning you further into the bed, and everytime youd move away from his sloppy desperate kisses, he’d actually create a fist and hit you in the face, making it easier for him to continue. You noticed he was getting angry around the 5th hit, “How could you let Gojo so easily when I wanted you first?!”

The door opens and Inumaki walks in. “Toge help!” You tried. At this point your lip and nose were bleeding. Your head was pounding with the way he was just playing with you, strangling you for a few seconds and then kissing you everywhere, praising you for the noises you made. The next few could’ve knocked you out so he had resorted to punching at your arms and legs, adding pain to every movement you could manage after the breath play.

“Don’t be such a whore.” He kept you pinned to the bed. “You don’t have to worry about him, he’s been keeping watch.” Your tears flowed into the bed, you couldn’t take this anymore. How many people were just going to use you or watch? It could /always/ be worse you thought. They could be doing a lot worse, but the inconsideration to your liveliness was killing you. The freedom you made for yourself was taken just because a man said so. You were more than frustrated, it was enough to let go of the mans arms finally, though your vision blurred through your tears, you could tell he was smiling at you.

“What’s wrong dove, have you finally figured out what you are?”

You look away, your eyes finding Toge’s. His purple irises shifted to the floor, not trying to look at you. He looked more upset than annoyed. Almost like he knew he couldn’t do anything to help anyway, he had no control over his friend. You just wished someone could stop all this already.

“Good thing he’s here, huh, or else something bad could happen to you.” He laughs and tells the other man to bring the rope, you’re a scratcher. If anything, he’s also seen what you’ve done to others who’ve underestimated you.

You give little resistance, knowing they’re not afraid to rough you up more to continue. ‘Skinny’ bound your hands together, and sits you at the head of the bed, holding your arms above your head. He was sitting up while having your head and upper body laying on his lap.

Not even a second later your clothes were around your ankles, and pulled above your chest. You were fully exposed, you try to pull your knees together. What actually made you give up was how silent they got. They weren’t taunting you right now and that terrified you, that they had a plan and seemed like they were sticking to it. At that point you just let them do whatever they wanted as the other stared with anticipation.

Yuta couldn’t wait anymore, the sight of you already had him eager. He’s waited years for you, staying low, continuing his mind games as his world didn’t agree with taking in outsiders, he could only work around you to learn about you, and who knows when this obsession started. His hands were all over you, grabbing, pulling, pinning, hitting you all over to let you feel the yearning he had for you.

"Ugh, seriously..." You were better than he thought. He growls under his breath, biting onto his finger, trying to hold himself back. Toge held your arms and torso down, more so held you in place as Yuta’s big hands laid another assault on your bare ass. He gives you no warning and aligns his pulled out tip to your hole and slowly shoves the head in.

Staying like that for a moment you were terrified if he was going to start going crazy on you. This position especially was going to hurt if he can’t put you in correct bindings already, your wrists hurt, your face hurt, you were about to hurt was all they were telling you.

“Hey, why haven’t you ever noticed me?”

“Answer him.”

“I just met you today, I don’t know you.” The words just flew out your mouth. That gave you no time as he shoved himself a tiny bit more inside, heightening the fear and pit in your stomach he was starting to reach.

“Why did it take this long for you to be under me?” “What took you so long?” It felt like he was growing bigger inside you.

“Answer him.”

“I don’t know you!” You could feel yourself squeezing around him.

His eyebrows furrowed as he tried to keep his composure. He almost busted from just the look you had but the extra pressure just made him want to start trusting and never stop. Instead he had to hold it together, just a little longer… “You know my girlfriend hates you. She’s someone who gets jealous over anything. “

He leans closer, picking up your chin to face him as he devours you with his eyes. “She waits for me everyday while I think about you. It was at first sight.”

“Hey, what do you think of me?” His eyes almost lit up as he asked that. “Hey, look at me.” You really just wanted them to get it over with already. This is dragging out so much longer it feels even worse than being at Sukuna’s weird mansion quarters or whatever it was.

“I told her you were just some bitch. I couldn’t care less about some stupid slut who lived on the streets.” His breathing and heart beat were quickening, hopefully this would be over. “I had to lie every time just to keep you close. It was to shut her up, bc your existence drives us both crazy.”

His drawn out sigh and uncontrollable convulsions came quick. He hadn’t even put the whole thing in. Wait that wasn’t the whole thing?? You look down and Jesus Christ it was half.

From this angle you must’ve been your tightest. At least you knew it made everything feel bigger, or was it just so close to your sweet spot that your body spawned back a bit, bucking into his release. “Hm?” He gave you a smile, “What was that just now? Did you just try to fuck me back?” He comes faces to face with you as he’s still releasing, giving you an awful smirk before kissing you again.

He was large alright, but not like the men in their 30’s. You swear after a certain age their dicks start to gain weight. The quiet one gently shoves Yuta’s upper body off yours so he could flip you, having you face his hard on directly. His dark haired friend loves the sight and says, “Suck him off, whore.” He pushes his hips fully into yours, connecting you three. He’d pushed your head down, having you throat his friend so far,your entire face was smothered by his hot skin.

He pulls you up and hisses, his whole body lightly twitching. Yuta groans, pushing your head back down on him as he rammed into you from behind. He was the only one moving all of you, creating a rough motion to pleasure everyone at the same time. If it were under different circumstances this would be so fun and hot, but you’ve read about the last few chapters, thank god it’s a fantasy. “This is just a fantasy.”

Your loud moans vibrate around his cock, driving him wild. His grip on your hair tightening as each fit drove you back into him. The other one grabs at your legs, pulling out and flipping you over, fully letting his partner come into you. God it was a sight, but the dark haired man didn’t flip you over just for that.

——————————————————————————

- then toge leaves to stand watch outside and god you were actually scared of yuta.

- he was as cruel as toji but disconnected as choso, there wasn’t even a reason for this he just knew he could so he did. He was merciless, you felt like you were about to pass out multiple times until he hit you back to life.

- he started to get mad that this was the best he’s ever had and now doesn’t want to share. He doesn’t want you off on your own because stuff like this happens.

- He gets mad at you for being so much better than he thought/better than his girlfriend. His gf doesn’t help him forget about you either. You were drilled into his head before he even met her, which definitely drove her crazy.

- And where were you this whole time (it’s rhetorical he’s been with you the whole time.)

- He blames you for this happening and now that he’s gotta breed you to make you his. He doesn’t care about the plan, he doesn’t care about anything else, you were in his grasp and he was never going to let it be so close again. He wanted you and was going to ruin everything for all 3 clans if it meant you two could finally run away together.

- he cuts in you and bites you and hits you a few times and you cry and he looks disgusted and leaves. Again he’s only known the idea of you. He’s used to seeing glimpses, staring from a far, hoping to hear lips of your voice, your laugh, even to start setting up cameras in places he knew you’d frequent. But as of right now, you’re his and he has work to do. He’s gotta make sure this stays his.

- leaving you with Nanami who starts cleaning you. (Next chapter?)

- Gojo’s hospitality is sure shit, he tells Shoko and others that if he didn’t order it then they’re not to help you. You didn’t think anyone here could have a heart, well with this line of business it was going to end up awful anyway, but you really couldn’t have told that this blond stoic, even scary looking man was the gentlest person who’ve known this entire few months of hell.

[moronic-validity]

Post about my weight, numbers mentioned. Slight vent/brag post about weight loss.

THIS IS NOT ED CONTENT, DO NOT INTERACT IF YOU ARE A PRO ED BLOG (I've been working really hard to recover, please don't interact)

Okay so, I started my first genuinely healthy weight loss journey in January of 2023 at 284.9 pounds. Okay? Okay. I didn't want to lose weight to be skinny or because I couldn't look at myself, I wanted to lose weight because my health issues were getting worse (thank you multiple chronic conditions) and it was a last ditch effort on my end.

Except I didn't actually start trying to lose weight until my gallbladder attack and finding out it was functioning at 13%. Ain't that just so great :'). I don't do anesthesia well so I talked to my GP and we went through ways I could potentially get my gallbladder to function again (he's seen patients and his own friends do it before). I brought up weight loss, he did not. He told me he'd support my decision and to keep my mental health team in the loop because I've struggled with disordered eating (not going to be specific) since 5th grade (age 9).

I wound up discovering I have a gluten and lactose intolerance, as well as PCOS (more doctors visits), got my diet under control, tried and failed the 75 hard...twice, discovered I'm still a fucking beast at Just Dance, started going to the gym, rediscovered hunger signals (I thought I was dying), and haven't had a gallbladder attack since.

After a year and 8 months of constant hard work, I am at 208.4 and am in the gym (usually 3 times a week), building muscle.

Additional side note: I haven't been under 214 since pre covid + my ed.

So why am I sharing this when I am so staunchly against people being told to lose weight? Because this was my choice, that I made for me, and I have worked so fucking hard to do it without compromising my mental and physical health in the process, and I'm proud of myself.

Like...I don't want people complementing me on my weight loss or telling me I look so much better because in all my pictures, I look GENUINELY happy, because I am! I'm not doing this to look good. I'd be okay if people were like "damn, that's a lot of hard work and dedication! Good job!" but like...my family doesn't see it that way, nor do most of my friends. Alex does though, so that's a win...but like...I just wish other people saw it too.

Anyway, that's all. Don't lose weight bc you feel like you have to and if you're starting a weight loss journey, keep a trusted doctor and your mental health team in the loop.

[slickchickchocolatier]

i believe my bf heelel is into some kinks. i wonder- like curious to know what kinks and positions he has tried so far on the reader,u dont have to describe them if u dont want to,u can even list it out idm!

Oh it’s fine. Lol this blog knows no shame.

So since Se7en is about or over a year old now (maybe more, can’t remember off the top of my head) let’s just say….a shorter list is what hasn’t he done…bc by now, you both covered every single position known to man and have done a lot…ALOT. Heelel has no limits or boundaries, since he is so very obsessed with reader, he has done everything (even against her own wishes) that’s the type of guy he is. It’s not necessarily just bc he’s the devil. It’s bc he is insanely in love with you that he has to (metaphorically speaking) devour every inch of you. I’m talking fucking your tits, anal, and oral (both you and him receiving. I picture him being very fond of the 69 position.)

Like heethan, he is also a masochist. But he kind of overdoes it bc…he’s the devil. He wants to see broken skin, blood, toes curling, and screams. Ofc it’s all in the line of pleasure, like he’s never going to just go and do physical harm to you that would cause great pain and injury for no reason. To everyone else, yes. Do you? No. But pain with pleasure, hell yeah.

I’ve also had a random thought of just how far he would go in his pace and momentum, and the man is relentless. I randomly thought of him fucking reader so hard, that she ended up vomiting due to exhaustion and just being railed so hard. (It was seriously a random thought bc sometimes I think about heelel and heethan from time to time.) but that gives you an idea.

I also had a thought where he stole Asmodeus’s ancient and original scripture of the Kama Sutra, and kept it so he could replicate all the positions with you, and even alternate some of them to better fit his desire. He loves making you feel good, but there are some times…the man is selfish and wants to feel good, even if you’re hurting.

My random thought about the anal piece was when I was answering some asks. I didn’t draft it but it came to my head out of nowhere and the way I saw it go down is, reader being hesitant bc she’s never done it before and wasn’t feeling too comfortable about it, but heelel forced the issue and pretty much restrained her with his own hands and just went for it. He was rough all up until he lined the tip to her rear, he actually got a bit gentle bc he knew it was her first time doing it, so he kind of verbally guides her. “Take a deep breath baby, this is going to sting a little.” Heelel spent lifetimes playing (and murdering) the succubus’s and stray angels, so he’s very experienced. I pictured him clicking his tongue and tapping the tip of his d*ck on your rear cheeks and calmly telling you to take a deep breath, and exhale as he enters. He still had readers wrists pinned behind her lower back with one hand while he used the other to slide in and as he goes in inch by inch, he would say things like “breath, hold. Now exhale.” And once he was all the way in, he’d thrust in and out at a very slow pace, giving you time to stop sobbing and start enjoying. Once he hears your moans coming in, he’ll pick up the pace and go harder and harder. He’ll watch reader go from sobbing victim of non-con to a filthy minx that wants more of him. And he loves to witness that transition. The second time around you guys do it, he ditches the slow and understanding pace and just goes for it, making that first noise coming out of your mouth a sharp yelp.

He’s very dominate, so any position that would render him vulnerable is out the window. He’s always going to be in control. Sven if you’re on top, those hands of his are going to be squeezing your waist and you’re basically being lifted repeatedly and slammed down by his rhythm.

On oral sex….bro…I picture this dude to be extremely brutal! Like making you choke on it, taking it out every once in a while to slap your face with it, sticking it back in your mouth and forcing you to gag on it until your throat bleeds. He’s a raging beast and that’s the whole reason why he made you go through all his brothers to turn you immortal, bc mortal version do you won’t survive.

He has a few favorite positions: reverse cowgirl, standing missionary, you straddled on his lap while he’s on his throne, and doggy.

And yes…he still likes to give it to you in his demon form or partially demon form. A lot of ppl did not like this or felt uncomfortable, but that’s what heelel likes. He’s twisted and very sadistic (the devil y’all) and he likes to make reader uncomfortable sometimes bc he loves seeing you scared and begging, but loves it even more when he sees you transition from being scared to wanting him more. I usually picture him doing you with his horns/antlers protruding out of his head. Since he doesn’t have regular devil horns like the devil is traditional portrayed with, he has a pair of beautiful and magnificent antlers, like an elk. When he’s in his full demon form, he almost looks like a wendigo, and he can adjust his size and be either colossal (like in the battle towards the end of the series) or he can be 7 feet tall (which is usually how big he’ll become when fucking you…get ready to take in 12 inches)

When he is fucking you in his demon form, it is very sinful and demonic, and you’ll feel very ashamed and dirty after it’s all done, but he won’t care. All he can think about is how much you were screaming and begging for him to keep going. Again, it always starts off with you fighting and begging him to not do it, but once he starts hurting your spot and making you leak everytime the tip of his dick punches it, you kind of go dumb (literally fucks uou dumb) and you’re a slob wrong mess.

[taviyuhh]

Okay, I started watching more of The Bear S2 today and I have THOUGHTS.

First, I wanna talk about Claire. It's so obvious she was added into the season to be a love interest. Sure, she's got a personality which some love interests might not have but compared to other characters in the show, hers is basic. Maybe that's the point though? Other characters in The Bear have a plethora of issues and Claire can easily be set apart from the rest of them, hence Carmy's interest in her (aside from knowing her from before). I'M GONNA ADD ONTO THIS IN THE NEXT ONE!!

Second, I understand why he and Claire's relationship is progressing so quickly. Carmy admits that he doesn't really have fun and never had friends either. Before Claire, there was Mikey helping Carmen socialize, but even then it was more for Micheal than it was him. Mikey acted as a sort of social lubricant (hate that word but it's true) for Carmen as they grew up. Michael died and Carmy receded into himself (yk what I mean), focusing on work instead of his social life or mental health. When Claire, someone he was close with back in the day, comes back into his life, he clings to her. Now, this is because she actually has a life outside of her career. She's got friends, she's fun to be around, and she can help people have fun. She's the embodiment of who Carmy never got to be, what he never got to experience. He gravitates towards Claire because she's been living her life to the fullest and Carmen didn't get a chance to do the same.

Third, I know a lot of Bear fans want Sydney and Carmen to be together. I'm still not sure how I feel abt SydCarm but we all see the chemistry between them!! If not romantic soulmates, they are 100% platonic ones. However, I can see why Carmen wouldn't be interested in being close to Sydney romantically or being closer to her than he currently is. Sydney met Carmen through his work as a Sous Chef and they bond over their love of cooking, their hopes for the restaurant. The foundation of their relationship is all work related. I admit, they have their moments were they get on a personal level with each other but mostly, they talk about work. Carmy used to work in a toxic environment and it traumatized him. The Original Beef is a much more positive place to be, but still, a contribution to his stress. So, I can imagine he'd want to be closer with his coworkers but not AS close as they could be. He's seen Syd outside of the kitchen, but it's only been to talk about work. Claire is someone from outside of work, from wayyyy back, and a nice change of pace.

Fourth, Carmen's priorities are ALLLL the way messed up. As soon as he reconnects with Claire, it was like Sydney didn't much matter. He made promise after promise to Syd, yet he never came through. I don't think I'll be able to get over how he COMPLETELY forgot about his plans to go tasting with her to help Claire move FURNITURE bro. In that exact same episode, he neglects to tell Syd, his literal business partner, that they were taking out the walls. Then, he ditches Syd again to deliver the wine license (?). Sugar was fully capable of doing this, but he probably felt bad for making her work sm, so I get it. What I don't like is how he made more plans with Claire instead of helping Sydney out?? Sug and Syd are literally carrying the restaurant on their BACKS.

Fifth, LET'S 👏🏼 TALK 👏🏼 SYD 👏🏼. My KIN, my GIRL, MY BESTIE IS STRESSINGGGG. She's supposed to be Carmen's whole business partner but she's handling most of the responsibilities that are meant to be shared between the two. It's becoming a real challenge for her because she's struggling to cook. Syd's overthinking everything and NEEDS CARMY TO DO HIS FREAKING PART. I wish I had more to say about her in that aspect but I don't 😔. However, I will say I love her relationship with food and how it's shown. The visuals during her menu tasting sequence were CHEF'S KISS 🤌🏻!!