#sooooo I finally finished her romance

[crualex-de-vil]

Imagining how a sick Andreja Starfield of House Va'ruun arm tattoo might look

[from-the-clouds]

texas sun - joel miller x f!reader - vol. xiv

series masterlist | series playlist | writing masterlist | previous chapter | chapter summary: The final chapter pairing: joel miller x f!reader words: 9.2k (I love being insane) chapter warnings: SMUT (18+only) - unprotected sex. Insecurity/Jealousy. Angst/arguments. Discussions of death, blood and injuries. Alcohol & Marijuana use. Fluff. Bisexual reader (happy pride ya'll!). As always please dm for more specifics. a/n: This could probs use another round of proofreading but it would've delayed this even longer sooooo.... Here we go! I feel pretty emo right now and I might make a more in-depth post about my thoughts at a later date bc I just finished writing this in a hot daze so I can't put all my thoughts coherently together. But I just wanna say thank you to everyone who supported and gave love to this story. This is by far the most popular fic I've ever written, and I don't really know how? Or what I did to deserve all the love but I just want you to know how much I appreciate it. Thank you for sticking with me through all the angst and delayed updates and everything. I'll never forget you and I'll never forget Joel x Reader!! Thank you so much, I hope the finale lives up to your expectations! ❤️

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I’m not the kind of man who tends to socialize I seem to lean on old familiar ways….

-May 16, 2024-

“Are you sure you’re okay if I leave you here alone?” 

Ethan’s voice jolts you out of a daze, and you blink your eyes open, realizing that you’d dozed off while sitting upright in a patio chair, the cheesy romance novel you’d been reading still lying open on your lap. Turning to look over your shoulder, you find him standing with one foot on the deck, and one foot still inside, cut in half by the sliding glass door.

Clearing your throat, you straighten up and nod. “Of course. I’ll be fine.”

Ethan studies you carefully, like he’s not entirely convinced. He’s been hesitant to leave you alone unless it’s absolutely necessary – only stepping away from the house to go on patrol shifts and to bring home meals from the mess hall. Recovery has made you feel like a burden to him – to all your friends in the community, really. Everyone….well, almost everyone, has been supportive, but you’ve never been comfortable being openly vulnerable.

Unfortunately, it’s too hard to deny the pain that you’ve been in since the accident, the trouble you have getting around, the exhaustion that clings no matter how many long naps and twelve-hour nights of sleep you get. According to the doctors, being so tired is just part of recovery – rest is important, but the concoction of pain medication you’ve been prescribed only makes your drowsiness and confusion worse. It had been a big deal that tonight you’d mustered the energy to drag yourself outside to sit in the fresh air. 

“I’m fine,” you assure Ethan, once again. “Have fun on your date.”

“It’s not really a date,” he says, almost a little too quickly. “We’re just hanging out.”

“Right,” you say, matter-of-factly. “Do I know who this person is?”

Ethan looks at his feet. “You remember the day this shit happened?” he asks, gesturing towards you. “Before you left on patrol, the girl that said hi to me? It’s her. Her name is Alex.”

“Oh?” you tilt your head, give him a small smile. “She was cute. How’d you ask her out?”

“Well,” he begins, scratching the back of his neck. “I may have…uh, gotten some advice.”

“You didn’t think to ask me?” you’re able to muster up a small smile.

“I would’ve, I just…..” he shakes his head. “It seemed stupid…with everything you have going on.”

“It’s not stupid,” you say, feeling a wave of guilt. Even though he’s the one looking after you, you haven’t spoken to him much about anything going on in his life. In fact, you haven’t really spoken to anyone in a long time, beyond thank you’s and blanket statements like I’m doing better. You feel disconnected, and more lonely than ever. If you ever get enough energy to leave your house, you expect most of the people in the community to have forgotten you exist. “Who’d you ask?”

“Uhm….” Ethan runs a hand through his long dark hair, shifts his weight. “….I’ve been assigned on patrol with Joel Miller a lot lately….so….”

You almost laugh when he uses Joel’s full name. Joel has been such a huge part of your life – sometimes the hero, sometimes the villain – that you don’t need to hear his last name to know who Ethan’s talking about. You could know a thousand Joel’s, and he’d still be the first person that came to mind. But Joel is still a sore subject, and Ethan knows it, which is why you suspect he’s avoided telling you this in the first place. You feel your eyebrows knit together, only able to let out an unenthused. “Oh.”

“I just, you know….he’s a guy. And it sounds like you even liked him at one point so….he must know something, right?” 

“That was a long time ago,” you say quickly, regardless of the fact that he’s right.

It’s probably not fair to blame Joel for everything that has happened to you. You know this, deep down. But you’ve been so helpless and isolated since you’ve woken up in that hospital bed that you’re desperate to find someone to hold accountable. And Joel hadn’t visited you in the hospital once. By this point, he’s abandoned you so many times that your resentment feels justified, even if your current state is not directly his fault. Because it was you, after all, who had walked into the path of those men, too angry to think clearly, too weak to take them down alone. The only person you can blame is yourself, and you really don’t want to.

“Did he tell you to take her out on patrol, make her cry, and almost get her killed?”

Ethan clicks his tongue, looks down, almost ashamed. “No. He did not.”

“You should be careful with Joel,” you warn.

“I was…” Ethan says. “But I don’t think it’s that simple. I think he’s actually alright.” 

“So you’re friends with him now,” you state, hoping he refutes. But instead, he looks up at you, frowns, and lifts his chin.

“What happened to you was horrible. It shouldn’t have happened. And yeah, maybe you think he’s the reason you almost died…. I don’t know the specifics so you can believe whatever you want. But I know that he’s the reason you’re still alive.” Ethan’s voice breaks, and you feel tears brimming your eyes before he continues. “He brought you back here, he donated his blood, he-”

“What?” you cut him off.

“What do you mean, what?” Ethan asks. “He was the only person there who had your blood type. You would’ve died if he didn’t. They didn’t tell you this?” 

“Whatever it took to make him feel less guilty, sounds like,” you say, dismissively.

Something hot burns in your veins, something that must have always been there since you woke up, but you’re only feeling it now. It’s unsettling, Joel being a part of you that way. Your lives had already seemed intertwined enough already. But now, he’s inescapable.

“Well, he stayed by your side every night while you were asleep. Fuck, I mean, he was probably there just as often as I was. He made sure I ate, and slept and showered and… and he never once asked for anything in return. He cares about you as much as I do, clearly, so I don’t think it’s wrong to think he’s a good guy….”

You must not care about me that much, you want to say, but you stop yourself. Because it’s not true, and you’d only be saying it to hurt him. You have nothing to defend yourself with, no way to convince him otherwise, and so you just stare at him until he shakes his head and slips back inside.

Ethan is stubborn, he always has been. And it’s a special kind of stubbornness, fueled by anger – so common in most of the young people you meet these days. You understand why they’re all like this. When you’re robbed of your childhood – you get stuck there….waiting….. Like someday you’ll have a chance to do it all over again, regardless of how obvious it is that you won’t. 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

-May 25, 2024-

Things get better, albeit slowly. You begin to wean off the pain medication, which makes you more alert. It’s still difficult to leave your house, but you can move around it more easily, and you don’t spend all your days sleeping. Luckily, you aren’t as stir-crazy as you’d been expecting. 

One afternoon, Ellie Williams shows up on your doorstep with a bag full of groceries. 

“Maria wanted me to bring these to you,” she says when you open the door. “She told me to tell you she’ll be over tomorrow, but she wanted me to give you these to tide you over.”

“That’s very nice. Thank you for bringing them to me,” you try to take the bag from her hands, but she steps back just a little, like she’s unsure if you should be carrying anything. You let your hands drop to your sides. “Would you like to come in?” 

Ellie hesitates for a split second, adjusting the bag in her arms, and then nods. “Sure.” 

Stepping to the side, you allow her into the home. Because of how warm it is outside, you’ve opened all the windows to let the breeze through. 

“Sorry for the mess,” you say, Ellie following you into the living room. There are stacks of books and pill bottles with instructions scattered on your countertop. You haven’t swept the floors in awhile and all the hard surfaces are covered in a thin layer of dust. It’s not really that bad, but you don’t have the energy or strength to be on your feet for long – let alone to clean the house. 

“I don’t mind,” Ellie says. “It’s not even that bad. I don’t know why older people worry about leaving your house messy and shit….no offense.”

“There was a time it used to matter,” you tell her. “And I see where you’re coming from, but my thing is – if you’re going to live somewhere, you should do what you can to make yourself feel comfortable.” 

Ellie purses her lips, as if you’ve made a good point but she doesn’t know how to answer. Instead, you continue. “Can I get you anything? Water?” 

“No, I’m okay,” she puts the bag on your kitchen counter.

“You can sit if you’d like,” you tell her. “I just need a moment to put these away.”

When you walk into your living room a few minutes later, she’s hovering near your record player, looking through the vinyls. The turntable was already in the house when you’d arrived years ago, but it was buried in the closet and broken. Ethan had managed to fix it after a little troubleshooting and scavenging for parts. Now, you both were always looking for records to bring home, and had amassed quite the eclectic collection – jazz, funk, hip-hop, and everything in between. 

“Wow,” Ellie says, running her fingers along the shelved records. “You found all these?”

“Some of them were already here. But yeah. Ethan and I are always on the lookout on patrol. I can play you something. What do you like?”

“Eighties, I think,” she says. “But…I also haven’t heard as much.” 

“Well here,” you thumb through the records, pull out a worn copy of Speaking In Tongues. “How about some Talking Heads?” 

You pass the record over to her, and she stares at you blankly. It’s only then that you realize — she’s never used a record player before. There’s a familiar pang of sadness before you show her how. 

“Are you feeling better?” Ellie eyes you wearily once the music starts, and you settle onto the couch, feeling a little worn out after being on your feet.

“Yes,” you say. “I’m older now, so it seems like healing takes a lot more time.”

Ellie nods, then bobs her head to the music a little. “This is better than most of the stuff Joel likes.” 

“Oh yeah,” you smirk, and instinctually, you recall his enthusiasm for all things old-school country. “I remember that,” you say softly.

With so much time on your hands lately, you’ve found yourself thinking of Joel a lot, reminiscing on the time you’d spent with him and Sarah. What Ethan had told you about him staying by your side was definitely making you reconsider your assessment of him, even if you were still hesitant. It was probably a trap to think you’d ever be able to feel those things with him again, but if remembering them brought you comfort, you weren’t going to resist it. 

“You’re more than welcome to come over to listen anytime,” you offer, and she nods excitedly. 

Ellie stays for longer than you expect. You talk a fair bit. She tells you about what she’s learning in school – but mostly how ‘fucking useless’ it is. She wanders around your living room and pokes through your stuff without asking, but you don’t think to stop her – you just answer her questions and let her be curious.

Eventually, the sun dips below the horizon, and she excuses herself to go home, insisting that Joel will ‘fucking kill her’ if she’s out too late. Even though you’re exhausted after entertaining her for a few hours, you find it feels nice. Being on house arrest, essentially, had left your starved for connection outside Maria and Ethan.

You see her out the door before returning to your refrigerator to look for something to eat. Ethan will be back from patrol any minute, so it may be nice to make him something even if you have almost no energy.

But when there’s another knock on your front door, you’re shocked to see who you find staring on your porch. 

Joel.

You almost forget to speak at the sight of him. It’s been weeks since your accident and he might as well have moved away from Jackson since you hadn’t seen him at all. 

“Hey,” you say, tentatively, taking him in. He seems preoccupied – cheeks flushed, hair rumpled, and out of breath, like he had run all the way to get here.

“Have you seen Ellie?” he asks, not even greeting you in return. “I’ve looked everywhere and I-

“You just missed her,” you cut him off, not because you’re trying to dismiss him, but because he's clearly distressed. “I’m surprised you didn’t see her on your way over.”

Joel sighs, eyes closing in relief. “Thank God.” For a second, you glimpse the frazzled and overworked father you used to know. “She stayed out too late, had me worried sick.” 

“She’s fine,” you say. “Although she did say you might kill her if she didn’t get home soon.” 

Joel gives you an almost imperceptible smile, but seems mostly irritated by Ellie’s suggestion. “I would do no such thing.” He shakes his head and takes two steps backwards. “Thank you. Didn’t mean to be a bother.” 

Your mind floats to a memory of Joel on your front porch, late getting home from work and looking for Sarah, and you can’t help but feel a bit of sadness and longing for a simpler time, a surge of affection. 

Joel is halfway down your front porch steps when you speak again. “You aren’t bothering me.”

He pauses, turns to look over his shoulder. There’s something he wants to say, you can feel it, and you step outside, letting the door fall shut behind you and remaining huddled against the siding, and he turns to face you fully, sighing. “I’ve been meaning to stop by, actually….” 

“Oh…really?” you can’t keep the surprise from your voice, and he notices.

“Yeah,” Joel rubs his fingers together, a nervous habit of his you know all too well. “Yeah. I- well, I wanted to apologize to you.”

You’re so startled by the words you can’t answer right away. But the split second of hesitation causes Joel to continue, looking to fill the empty space. 

“I’ve been waiting to find the right thing to say….but it doesn’t seem like that’ll ever happen. I’m not even sure I know where to start.” 

“Oh,” is all you can manage, still taken aback. The only thing that doesn’t surprise you about his admission is the sincerity. You could say a lot of things about Joel, but he isn’t a liar. He always tells the truth. Maybe it’s why he pulled away from you to begin with. It’s easier than the alternative – spending time with you, which would force him to be honest. For how much you’ve changed, you’d probably do the same. 

But the thing with Joel is that you’re exhausted. You’re tired of the back and forth, of the push and pull, of the constant struggle to hold your care over each other's head, hoping the other will break first. Maybe this is a fresh start. 

You step closer to him, and you see him study the way you move. Of course, you’re trying to look strong, but he can surely sense the weakness. He’d always been good at that, better than any of the others. Your hand comes to rest on the porch railing for support. 

But…..

There’s that voice in the back of your head, the one that tells you this is a mistake. The one that reminds of the pain you’ve often earned through vulnerability. It likes to think it’s served you, protected you, and it has. But it’s not always right.

“I suppose I owe you an apology, too,” you say. “At the very least I should thank you for what you did.”

Joel shakes his head, dismissively, but looks to where your hand rests on the porch railing, looks back up to you as he reaches out. “I’m just glad you’re okay.” 

His hand clasps over yours, and to anyone else, this might be nothing. It’s so innocent, unassuming. But the effect it has on you is palpable. He squeezes once, and you flip your hand over, squeezing his back, giving him a gentle smile. “I am too.” 

Joel’s eyes fill with a warmth you haven’t seen in twenty years, and your stomach flutters, your heart races. A part of yourself that you’d considered long dead seems to rouse.“Would you like to stay for dinner?”

“I told Ellie we’d go to the mess hall together,” Joel says. “Otherwise I would.”

You blink once, and Joel sees it, immediately continuing on. “But maybe Ellie and I can come another time, join you and Ethan?”

“Yeah. He’d like that,” you say. “That might be nice.” ─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

-June 20, 2024-

You think that at the end of a long winter, bears must hate coming out of hibernation. 

It must suck. They spend months sleeping, doing almost nothing, and then suddenly they’re forced to function again – to hunt, to eat, to roam, to survive and socialize. You imagine there has to be a learning curve, a desire to crawl back into their den and never leave again. 

Or maybe you could be wrong, and they love it. And you’re just a wimp who hates feeling uncomfortable.

All you know is that you’re huddled in the back corner of the Tipsy Bison, nursing a whiskey – and it’s the last place you want to be. 

You’re overwhelmed. 

And despite the fact that you regularly used to attend community events, it’s been so long since you've been out in Jackson that you feel like you don’t belong. To some extent, you’ve always felt this – too hardened by the outside world to fully assimilate, especially when the town throws dances. But in the past, you at least attempted to convince yourself otherwise. 

Two weeks back, the doctors had cleared you to go about your daily activities as normal  – within reason, of course – but you hadn’t exactly jumped at the opportunity. Tonight, Ethan had accused you of becoming ‘antisocial’ and ‘reclusive’. You had agreed to attend – but only to beat those allegations. So far, you are definitely not. 

You scan the crowd, taking in the people spinning around the dance floor. Some of the women are wearing dresses. You can’t help but feel a little envious of how easily they’re able to perform femininity, which is something you’d given up on a while ago. It hadn’t exactly served you before arriving in Jackson, and you predict it would be humiliating to start trying now. After all the things you’d experienced, you were left marred with scars and wrinkles, stretch marks and loose skin. Since then, you’ve remained loyal to the combination of men’s denim and tank tops with flannel-button downs overtop. 

It doesn’t always stop the men in the community from descending like vultures. You might be the last pick – there are plenty others who are younger and prettier – but you’re still an option. Bea, your old partner, had always theorized that some men were particularly drawn to sapphic women, that it was ‘the ultimate challenge’. Maybe there is some truth to her theory, but you like men….sometimes. So there is always a part of you that yearns for their validation, for as many times as you tell yourself you don’t want it. But it never feels good to get it after you’ve watched them exhaust all their other options.

It’s pathetic, but it makes you think of Joel. He and Ellie had been over to yours and Ethans last week for a nice dinner, and you had tried to gauge whether there was any romantic connection between you still. Occasionally, you’d caught him looking at you with a wistful smile, but he could have been lost in thought. It’s not like you needed that from him or anything, but it might be useful information. After all this time, Joel is still so handsome, and probably has an impressive selection of potential partners here in Jackson – women of all ages. You hope he’s not here tonight – you can’t see much besides the dance floor at this point – because the thought of him cozied up to anyone here, combined with the acrid taste of the drink in your hand, makes you want to gag. 

You take another look around the room. Eugene, your partner in crime – quite literally – is walking towards you, which helps quell your spiraling mind . If you talk to him, say hello to Tommy and Maria, maybe Ethan will see the effort you’re making and you can sneak out without having to deal with anyone. It’s wishful thinking, but it’s worth a shot. The sooner you can get home tonight, the better.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Joel can’t stop staring. 

He knows it’s impolite. He knows that he’s not being subtle. He knows that if any other person in this bar followed his eyeline, they’d pick up on what he was doing in an instant. But every minute he doesn’t get called out for it, he becomes more and more emboldened. 

It’s the first dance he’s ever been to in Jackson, and the only reason he’s here is to placate Ellie and Tommy. But even they have abandoned him in favor of better companions – his brother is deep in conversation with Maria, sitting across from him in a booth, and Ellie is out on the dance floor dancing with one of her new friends, Dina.

Joel just can’t help himself. He still feels guilty for what he’s done, but he can’t shake the feeling of a soft hand clasped within his own – the first time he’d felt any semblance of hope since arriving here. Tommy and Maria had already slyly let him know about all the women who were interested, but he couldn’t bring himself to entertain their advances. There’s only one he wants, and she won’t even look in his direction.

When he’d first noticed you, you were whispering with Eugene on the opposite side of the dance floor. According to Tommy, you spend a fair bit of your time with the old man, which Joel initially thought to mean that you had some sort of entanglement. At first, Joel thought that couldn’t be possible. But you were deep in focus as you listened to Eugene’s words, nodding and leaning in closer and closer, and Joel thinks Tommy might be right. He wants to understand what you see in this man – tall and unkempt, covered in tattoos with long, graying hair and a beard to match. But Joel catches himself in his judgment, he’s probably just as unappealing – not just because of how he’s aged, but because of how horrible he’s been to you in general. 

The next time Joel sees you, you’re at the bar, chatting with a man who Maria had introduced him to not long ago, a resident who is new in town. Joel had been too busy focusing on the fact that he’d been in Jackson long enough to not be its newest resident that he couldn’t remember his name. He wishes he had, so he could keep tabs on him. Of course, he can’t blame the man for being drawn to you – Joel knows very well that you’re hard to miss in a crowd. 

Still, Joel bristles when you both step away from the bar, and the man’s hand lands just above your sacrum. He actually finds himself tensing up, resisting the urge to intervene, because it’d likely only make you angry. Plus, maybe you are interested. That question is answered quickly when you reach behind your to clasp the man's hand and place it back at his side. Where it belongs, he thinks.

“Joel!”

He snaps his attention to what’s in front of him – interrupted, and probably for good measure, lest he get himself too worked up. Ethan approaches with a girl his age, her arm linked through his. Joel stands to greet them. 

The terse understanding between himself and Ethan while you were still in the hospital had somehow turned into a friendship, especially after they’d begun getting paired up on patrol. Ethan reaches out for Joel’s hand to dap him up, slinging an arm briefly over his shoulder.

“How’s it going, kid?” 

“Good, good,” Ethan nods, pulling back, and gestures to the girl next to him. “Joel, this is Alex.”

“It’s nice to meet you,” she says. “Ethan’s told me all about you.” 

“Really?” Joel asks, feeling a little bewildered. 

“Only good things,” Alex says quickly, as if she senses his apprehension. Ethan puts his arm around her waist. Joel recalls a few weeks back when he’d asked for advice on how to ask out a girl. Joel hadn’t pried at the time, but now he seems to understand, and is surprised by the swell of pride he feels. “Ethan says you’re a fucking badass,”she giggles after she swears.

Joel looks over at Ethan. “I don’t know about that.” 

He shrugs, changes the subject. “Since when do you come to these things?” Ethan asks.

“Ellie dragged me out,” Joel answers.

“I did the same with my aunt,” Ethan chuckles. “But now I can’t find her, and I’m pretty sure she’s escaped.”

“Oh, is she here?” Joel plays dumb, like he hasn’t been aware of exactly where you have been all night. “I haven’t seen her.”

“I think she was with Eugene earlier,” Alex has to stand on her toes to speak into Ethan’s ear. Joel watches Ethan’s nose wrinkle. 

“Do you know Eugene at all?” Ethan turns to Joel. “I’m trying to figure out what’s going on there, but she won’t say anything.” 

Joel wishes that he had more information. “Tommy says they seem close.”

“I know that,” Ethan says. “I wish she would just be honest with me. It’s not like I would be mad. Whatever,” he shakes his head. “We can talk about it another time. I just want to find her so I can introduce her to Alex.”

“We should say hi to Tommy and Maria first,” Alex says, and Ethan nods in agreement before saying goodbye to him. Joel claps a hand on Ethan’s shoulder as he moves past him, and Alex gives him a shy smile in acknowledgement. 

Focusing back on the crowd, Joel realizes that you’ve vanished in the short span of his last interaction. Maybe you’d rejected that guy, and then he’d retaliated. Maybe you’d gone home with Eugene. Joel shakes his hand. It’s none of his business. He doesn’t need to get involved. It’s not his job to look after you, regardless of how much better he feels when he does. Old instincts. He can’t help himself.

He settles on watching Ellie and Dina spin each other around on the dance floor. Eventually, Tommy and Maria, then Ethan and Alex all trickle out of the booth to go get another round or head to dance. Joel stands to release the booth to someone who actually needs it – and is left in the corner, nursing a nearly empty beer that’s now flat and warm. He looks towards his family and friends, but for some reason, he still feels alone. 

Joel isn’t sure how long he stands sulking, but he starts when someone approaches from behind.

“Having fun?”

You’re a pace or two back, one thumb hooked through a belt loop, a whiskey in your opposite hand. Joel looks back at the crowd a moment, then at the ground. “No.” 

“Neither am I,” you commiserate, stepping alongside him. 

Joel considers offering that Ethan was looking for you, but selfishly does not want to give you a reason to leave, so he stays quiet. You observe the dance floor like he is, smiling slightly at the sight of Ethan and Alex dancing. The flannel you’re wearing over a gray tank hangs loosely off one shoulder, and Joel wants to reach out and touch the exposed skin. You take your last sip of whiskey, bring a finger to swipe under your bottom lip, and Joel wishes he knew what you might taste like right now. He scolds himself for fantasizing.

You don’t speak either, and you stand in silence for a while, until you eventually pop your hip, shifting closer to him. Maybe you don’t realize it, but you’re already standing so close that your arm gets pressed up against his. Neither of you acknowledge the contact, but Joel is acutely aware of how your skin burns hot against his own. He feels comforted by the affection, even if it’s unintentional.

“Want to leave?” Joel asks, and can hardly believe that the words came out of his mouth, even if he wanted them to. 

You look over at him, not bothering to hide your surprise, but your expression evens out quickly, and you give him a single nod. “Yeah.” 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Joel’s still not convinced this is real. It feels too much like a dream, the weather outside is so pleasantly warm it feels like he’s floating as you walk down the street. He had never expected you to agree to leave with him, and now he doesn’t know what to do, or what to say.

The greater distance you put between yourselves and the bar, the quieter the town is. Most of Jackson’s residents are at the dance, save for the guards at the front gate and the handful of people that had been mingling just outside.

He heads in the general direction of the neighborhood, even though he lives on a different street. 

“What are we supposed to do now?” you wonder out loud, and you sound a little incredulous, like you’re equally as shocked to find yourself beside him. The question carries a bit more weight than it would have coming from anyone else.

Joel contemplates. He’s not sure what he wants from you – there are a lot of things, actually – but he doesn’t know if he really deserves any of them. For now, your companionship is more than enough.

“You’re welcome to come back to mine,” he offers.  “But if you’re looking to keep drinking, all the booze is back at the bar.”

“I’m good.” You shake your head like you’re uninterested, but look over at him with a sparkle in your eye. “I have something better….” 

You reach into the pocket of your flannel and produce a rolled joint between two fingers, looking over your shoulder. “Those dances are usually terrible, so I always come prepared.” 

Joel can’t help the chuckle that escapes him, and the sheepish grin he gets in return makes his cheeks feel warm. “Where’d you even get that?”

“You’ve never been on patrol with Eugene, have you?” you ask. “He has a place just out of town where he grows it. I’ve been helping him since we first got paired up, and in exchange, I get to sample the supply.”  

Of course. Joel would’ve never imagined that was the reason you were so close with Eugene, but it suddenly makes incredible sense. He shakes his head in a combination of relief and amusement. “You really haven’t changed.” 

“Oh, I’m sure I have,” you answer, smiling to yourself and looking at the ground. “But of course I haven’t shaken all my bad habits.”

“That’s not true,” Joel mutters.

“Well, you haven’t changed either, for as much as you’ve tried to convince me,” you nudge him gently, offering him the joint. “What do you think?” 

Joel plucks it from between your fingers and puts it between his lips. “I think I have a lighter at home.”

“Sounds perfect.” 

In the front hallway of his house, you slip out of your tennis shoes, shuffling behind him in your socks, pausing occasionally to study some of the doodles that Ellie had drawn and hung on the walls – it wasn’t exactly a priority to decorate these days, but they certainly livened up the place. He knows how much Ellie likes you, despite the fact that she doesn’t gush, but the odd comment here and there says as much. Joel remembers how difficult it had been to keep Sarah away, and Ellie now is no different. He doesn’t seem to be able to help himself, either. 

You sit next to Joel on his wicker couch, curling your feet up under you as he lights the joint and study him while he takes the first few puffs. He does it without thinking. That’s how soft Jackson has made him. Normally, he’d be too stressed about being out of his wits. But he can’t see how hypervigilance has served him since settling down. He feels safe here, and somehow especially because he’s with you. 

When he passes the joint your way, you look at him wistfully. “Old times,” you say with a grin. 

Joel nods as he exhales, coughing. “Old times.” 

“Oh yeah,” you say, as if you just remembered something. “You can’t tell Ethan about this. He doesn’t know, and he will give me shit about it. I need him to take me seriously.” 

Joel shakes his head. “Well, you know, it sounds like he and Tommy both think you and Eugene are together.”

“What?” your head jerks forward in shock, eyes going wide. “Oh my god, no. Do people think that?”

“I’m just sayin’,” Joel wants to mention how he had seen you whispering to each other at the bar earlier, but then realizes it’d give a bit too much away. “That’s what they think.”

“Well....historically speaking I might’ve liked older men…. but not that old.”

Joel purses his lips. “You’ve lived here awhile, huh?” When you nod, he continues. “Has no one caught your eye?” 

“Uhm….not really. But….” you trail off, looking into Joel’s backyard. “To be completely honest, I  don't think about that much these days. I guess I feel like I have a lot to be grateful for. I don’t want to push it.”

Joel understands, and nods pensively.

“What about you?” you ask. 

“I guess I feel the same.”

That causes you to smile a little bit, look over at him. “I bet you already know this. But the women here would line up down the block for you.”

Joel can’t help but roll his eyes, though he wonders if you would, too. Even if you did like him, that didn’t seem like your style. 

“I’m serious. I’ve heard the things they whisper behind your back. All their fantasies about you are pretty creative...”

“Fantasies?” He grimaces. He imagines none of them know anything about who he really is. You’re the closest thing, and all he’s done is hurt you. “I’m sure you were quick to set them straight.” 

“I don’t say anything,” you say, then continue on, a little quieter, looking at him from under your lashes. “I like to keep you to myself.” 

Joel isn’t sure how to respond to that. You have every right to tell all of them that you were once together, and all the ways he’s hurt you since. Yet for some reason, you’ve chosen to protect him. 

“So….all this time….” you wonder. “You had to have been with other people, right?”

Joel doesn’t think to hold back. “I had a partner for a long time. Tess. First, it was all business, I helped her smuggle things in and out of the Boston QZ…and then, I don’t know….we got along, we trusted each other and…” Joel trails off, hoping you’d put together the rest before he has to go into too much detail. “She was real fuckin’ tough. Scared me a little at first. You would’ve liked her.”

“Well, we already have one thing in common. What happened?”

“She’s the whole reason I ended up out here….with Ellie,” Joel explains. “But I lost her a little over a year ago.”

He hopes you don’t ask how. Maybe someday he’d be willing to go into detail, but talking about it generally is hard enough as it is. But fortunately, you seem to pick up on his hesitance. “I’m sorry, Joel,” you say softly.

He shakes his head. “I was an asshole. To her. I should've....after Sarah died I didn’t want to get attached, so I kept her at arms length and I... I wished I hadn’t in the end. It only made things worse.”

“Yeah,” you nod, look down. “I’ve made that mistake before.”

Joel doesn’t want to linger any longer on the memory. “What about you? Were you with anyone?”

“Uhm, yeah,” you fidget, looking uncomfortable. “I had a partner….for like ten years."

Ten years? He had been with Tess for more, but something about that information feels jarring. He’s shocked Tommy never told him this. Did Tommy even know? Suddenly, it dawns on Joel everything that could’ve happened to you since you’ve been apart. Entire lifetimes. And he’d said such horrible things when you’d fought. He remembers your face when he’d told you that you didn’t know what it was like to lose a child. Maybe you had. He’d been so cruel and inconsiderate just because he was uncomfortable. 

His throat feels tight, almost scared to learn anymore. “What…what was his name?”

“Well, Bea….was her name.” 

Joel is sure he doesn't hide the shock well. “Sorry, I didn’t know…”

“Yeah,” you say. “I don’t think I did either. Well, I sort of did, but I was too young I think when I first realized to make any sense of it, but…. I met her and…yeah,” then, you smirk. “I mean, I went to an all-girls school and I had a really bad relationship with my dad so…it definitely makes sense. ” 

Joel considers this, smiles along with you. “But anyways. Her and I met shortly after my brother died and it was kind of the same. We kept each other alive, things developed from there. We ended up getting involved with this group who lived in the middle of nowhere. That’s a whole other story, but…” you wave your hand. “I loved her, and I lost her right before Ethan and I got here.” 

Joel sees all the pain in your eyes, and wishes he could say something to take it all away. He knows he can’t. You look back out into the woods in his backyard, take a deep breath, and reach back towards the joint that you had put out not long before, lighting it again. Joel gets the sense that both of you had done the most amount of sharing possible for the time being. 

“Look at us,” you take another drag before passing it over. “Old times.”

“Old times,” he repeats, a smile working its way onto his face. 

“This used to be my favorite thing to do with you.” 

“It was nice,” Joel agrees….hesitates before continuing. “But I can think of some things I liked better.” He gives you a knowing look, and you roll your eyes, laughing easily at his joke. It feels so good to make you laugh, to see you smile. Why had he spent so much time resisting?

“Touche.” 

What happens next spills out of Joel so quickly he doesn’t think to stop it. “I tried to look for you….after all this happened. I didn’t have Sarah anymore, and I thought maybe….I don’t know. It was the only thing that kept me going for a while.”

“I did too,” you confess. “But…I was with Vincent and Ethan, and I felt like I couldn’t leave them alone for something that might just be…. I always hoped you both made it. And I’m so sorry she’s gone. I really did love her.” 

“I know you did,” Joel reaches out to take your hand. “I know. And I shouldn’t have said those things I did. I’m still not sure why you’ve been so patient with me.”

“Hmm,” you shift so that you’re closer to him. “You waited around for me back then. It’s only fair that I’d wait around for you now. I want you in my life. I don’t care what that looks like. But it’s too hard to forget about a person that you loved.” 

Joel wants as much from you as you’re willing to give, and he can’t tear his gaze away from you. But he wants you to see him, all of him, before he takes it. 

“I’ve let a lot of people down. I’ve done a lot of h-horrible things,” his voice cracks, and tears well in his eyes. 

“I have, too, you know? Those things still live with me. But I think what matters is who we are now,” you reach out, fingertips brushing the scar on his temple, and Joel swears that even if you don’t know the story behind it, you can see right through him. “And I know who you are.” 

“I don’t want to hurt you anymore than I already have.” 

“You won’t,” you say. “No more than anyone else has. And if it makes you feel better…when people hurt me, I’ve gotten pretty good at hurting them back.” 

“If I do, I’d hope you would.”

“I will. I promise,” your thumb strokes his cheek, marveling at him. “I would suggest a blood oath or something but….I heard we kind of already did that…”

He’s given you every warning, every barrier, and you’re still here. He can’t believe it, and he doesn’t think he can hold back any longer. “Come here.”

He kisses you. He wishes that he could be slow and tender and gentle like he used to be – and certainly he’s still capable, but he realizes that he’s been depriving himself of something he wanted for so long, and can’t seem to control himself. 

Your hands land on the side of his face, and he wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you onto his lap. Maybe you’re somewhat taken aback by his urgency, you hum against his lips, but you don’t resist at all. Joel maneuvers you so you’re straddling his thighs, and he grips your hips, your ass, coasts his hands up your side. Your lips part in a moan, and he slips his tongue into your mouth. 

For a while, he stays there, savors the taste of you, whiskey and smoke still lingering on your lips. His hands cup your jaw, feel your body, grip and squeeze and stroke and you let him, continue to let him. He tries everything, wondering if you’ll tell him to stop, if you’ll decide you’ve had too much, but you don’t. Then again, he should know by now that you’re a woman who knows what she wants. He just finds it’s hard to believe that he’s the thing you want.

You break away from him, just a little, and Joel presses his nose to your neck, kisses your pulse point. 

“Should we go upstairs?” your voice is raspy and breathless. “Will Ellie be home soon?” 

“Probably not for a while. We can be quick.”

“Hopefully not too quick,” you raise your eyebrows. Joel can’t help but laugh a little. He relishes in the way your hands rake up and down his arms, exploring him, touching him. Of course he wants you, but even just this would be enough. He’d be content with less, he hadn’t realized how starved of affection he’d been.

You’re able to pry yourselves off one another to make it up the stairs, and Joel guides you with a hand to the small of your back. When you get to his bedroom, he opens the door, but stops you before you go inside. 

“Hold on,” Joel mutters, winding one arm around your waist, the other behind your knee.

“Joel, what-no, you’ll–” he pulls you into his arms. 

“Do you really think I’m not strong enough?”

“I didn’t say that,” you chuckle as he carries you over the threshold and into the bedroom, breath puffing against him before he lays you down on the bed. 

When he hovers over you, your fingers wind into his hair, nails raking against his scalp. He savors every sweet sigh he’s able to pull from you, hands cupping your breasts and squeezing your hips. You’re so pliant and open beneath his body, it makes it easier to not feel guilty about what he’s doing. He knows he shouldn’t feel guilty, you’ve said as much, but it might take some time before the feeling will die completely. Hopefully, he has enough time with you to see it off completely.

Clothes are removed quickly, intentionally, as you both bare more and more of yourself to each other. And while he wishes he could’ve been there to see the ways in which your body has changed, you’re still as beautiful as ever. 

Joel, however, is hesitant to give himself away completely. When you tug at the hem of his shirt, he hesitates. 

“I don’t know if-” he pauses. “If you want to see all that.”

“Joel,” you stare at him knowingly, kneeling across from him as he stands at the edge of the bed. “I do.” 

So he releases your hand, and lets you pull it over his head. Carefully, you study him, his body littered with scars. He knows he’s not as in shape as you remember. These days, he hardly can look at himself in the mirror after a shower. He expects you to be disgusted, or at least see it flit across your face before you compose yourself, but you don’t. Your fingertips drag through the smattering of hair on his chest and down his torso, tracing several prominent scars – each one with a story – but you linger on the one at his abdomen, frowning. 

He sees the question on your face, but you don’t ask it. Instead, you return to press yourself against him. “I’m so glad you’re still here….”

You kiss him, then, and Joel can only kiss you back. 

Joel isn’t the only one with battle scars. Some of them he feels are his fault, but you seem less self-concious about them, which gives him a surprising amount of confidence. Maybe it’s just a reality of what happens when you make it this long. 

When you’re finally bare beneath him, he admires how you look, stretched out and waiting, chest heaving and shivering with anticipation. He slides his hand between your legs – feels you already wet and warm, sinking two fingers inside. Your walls flutter around the intrusion, back arcing off the bed when you sigh out his name. Joel.

He’d forgotten how nice it felt to hear that. 

Joel is already thinking about what he’d like to do to you next time. He’d be more careful, more patient. He’d bury his face between your thighs to see if you tasted as good as he remembers, he’d let your fingers curl into his hair. But right now you both seem desperate for the same thing. 

He pumps his cock a few times with his hand, he can’t remember the last time he’d been this hard – the last time he’s wanted anyone this badly. Even with Tess, it had always felt like the both of them were hurrying to scratch an itch, her eyes would wander like she was thinking of other people, and maybe he was, too. 

Joel lines himself up with your slick cunt, teases you a little, and you roll your body down to meet him, gasping when his blunt head slides in – just a little. 

He can’t hold back. You practically suck him in, so tight and hot around him he finds it immediately overwhelming, but he doesn’t even think to pull out. Only when he’s fully seated inside you, and given you a chance to adjust, does he start to move. 

It’s euphoric. You’re both older now, more mature, but he still remembers all the things you liked, even if it takes a moment for him to find the spot inside you that makes you cry out, legs wrapping around his hips. 

Unlike before, you don’t bother trying to hide from him. You kiss him, hold him, touch him, look him in the eyes, tell him how good he feels – you don’t hold back. Joel relishes every word you say, clings to the praise and gives it back. Your lashes flutter when he tells you how pretty you look.

He can think of nothing else other than bringing you pleasure, can tell you’re getting close when you begin to rut against him, and he reaches down to let the pads of his fingers slide over your clit.

When you come, you whine his name, lock your lips with his own and he swallows your moans. The feeling of you so impossibly tight and wet and pulsing and squeezing him so tightly has him following closely after. 

His head is still buried in the crook of your neck when you speak again. “God, I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you, too.”

The second Joel pulls out, he starts missing how close he felt to you. But you fix that by rolling over onto your stomach, curling up at his side, head on his chest, and arm across his stomach. 

“Joel. Fuck, you’re so perfect.”

He’s far from it. But he’s starting to think if you say it enough, maybe he’ll start to believe it. He turns his head to kiss you gently, slowly. “So are you.” 

“We can do this again, right?” you ask. 

“Yes,” he says. “Yes, we can.”

“Good,” you settle back against him, and very slowly, he dozes off with you right beside him. He doesn’t want to sleep alone again, and luckily, he doesn’t have to. 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

-December 4th, 2026-

When you return home from patrol, you find Joel in his living room – boots off and socked feet propped on the arm of the couch. You don’t notice his eyes are closed, that he’s asleep, until you get closer, see the book he’d been reading resting on his chest as he snores lightly. You can’t help but feel for him – he’s probably exhausted from constant patrols, so he must be tired. 

But mostly, you’re just overwhelmed by the love you feel for him, catching him in a quiet moment of vulnerability. Hesitantly, you reach out and squeeze his foot. It’s gentle and tender enough that he blinks his eyes open and looks around, taking in his surroundings, rather than jolting awake like he often does. When he sees you on the opposite end of the couch, he melts back into the pillow he’s propped against. 

“Hey, stud,” you lean against the arm of the couch. 

“Hey,” Joel answers, voice still gruff with sleep. “How long was I out?”

“I don’t know,” you shrug. “I just got in.”

“Hmm,” Joel closes his eyes again, folds his hands across his stomach.

“You’re wearing the glasses I got you,” you point out. They’re simple. Rectangular black frames. You’d found them on patrol, and brought them home after Joel had been complaining that he could barely see when he read before bed. But he’d tried them on and insisted he hated the way they looked, so you’d ended up using them most of the time.

“They do work,” he grumbles, like he’s ashamed to admit it. “But I still think they look stupid.”

“You look like a sexy librarian,” Joel rolls his eyes, but you can tell he’s suppressing a grin. There’s always a bit of defiance about him, he can’t fully admit how you get him so flustered even after you’ve spent so much time together. You press your thumb into the arch of his foot and he groans. “That feel good?” you ask. 

“Yes.”

“Whatcha reading?” You gesture towards the book. 

“Some book about the moon landing,” Joel lifts it off of his chest, where it lay face down and open, looks at the back cover. “For Ellie.”

“How sweet.”

“It’s a little dry,” he deadpans. “But she likes this stuff.” 

You shift your massage to his other foot. Joel stretches, his arms lifting above his head, the shirt he’s wearing rides up just so, so you see a sliver of his lower belly before it disappears again, throwing an arm over his eyes. 

“Are you tired?” you ask. 

“Always,” he says through a yawn. 

“Me too,” you yawn along with him, since they’re contagious. He pulls the glasses from their perch on the bridge of his nose and shuts the book, placing them both on the coffee table in front of him. You take your hands off his feet and he sits up a little straighter, holding out his hand. 

“Come ‘ere,” he says, and you do. 

He grunts as you settle into his arms, head nestled against his chest, sprawling out almost on top of him, the only way you both can fit like this on the couch.

“You’re so warm,” you say softly, letting him wrap his arms around you. 

“You’re cold. Your hands are freezing,” he holds them in his own.

“It’s cold out.”

“Don’t know why you left today.”

“Obligations. Patrol.”

“Fuck that.”

You laugh into his chest, pausing for a moment before speaking again. “You know, I think we might be boring.”

“What makes you say that?”

“Well, we don’t really leave the house. We spend all day reading. And we’re old.”

“We’re not that old.”

“But we’re getting up there.”

“Sure, but…” Joel trails off. 

“Everything’s so quiet, so calm.”

“I think that’s what most people would describe as content.” 

“Are you content?” you ask, lifting your head to look him in the eyes. 

“I’m happy,” he says softly, tucking a piece of hair behind your ears. “Are you?”

“Of course.”

“Good. Then don’t worry about the rest.”

“Okay,” you settle back against your husband's chest, feel his lips brush your forehead.

His fingers search absentmindedly for the ring on your finger he’d found while clearing out a pawn shop not too long ago. The one he wore looked nothing like your own. But the marriage had been long overdue, and neither of you cared what the rings actually looked like. 

Nowadays, you split your time between his place with Ellie, and your own with Ethan, but end up in his bed every night. At this point, you don’t think you could sleep without him. 

Years ago, another lifetime, you’d had a conversation underneath a sky full of stars. You’d told him that for you, good things had never lasted. Joel had made a promise. 

This will.

It took time. There was a lot of pain. But in the end, he had told you the truth.

-

-

-

[rwbyrg]

I don't known if you noticed or not, but in the back ground of v7ep9, with the Rosegarden fumble scene, the pillars have what looks like roses and green stems going around them and I'm just like did they (CRWBY) plan this !?!?

I did notice!! Everything about that scene is so blatant, intentional, and in your face and... y'know what, I've been meaning to talk about this scene for forever. Now feels a good a time as any.

Reasons Why Rosegarden is Canon: #013 - The Fumble

I have to admit, this was the first scene that really made me realize that these two were being set up as more than just character foils. And the way it does that is by making this scene sooooo tropey. We've got them Speaking in Unison, Finishing Each Other's Sentences, all with the air of Sickening Sweethearts. Ruby's little run towards him making them almost completely collide? Her closed off body language and nervous giggles? The second jinx at the end? The way it ties into their respective arc(s) while also paralleling other ships?

Lets break it down piece by piece.

First, this scene represents a resolution of sorts to the conflict - or, in romance arc terms, "break up" - that was set up between them at the start of the volume. The disagreement over what to say to Ironwood about the Oz situation is something that Oscar doesn't agree with, but respects either way; prompting the two of them to spend much of the volume separate and distant from each other.

As CRWBY says in the V7 commentary, The Fumble is when they "finally start to regain trust in each other". This, as well as their interactions within it, stand perfectly well on their own. Especially how it talks about the themes of trust, truth, and fear that both their solo arcs brush up against often. It also reaffirms the mutual care that's been established within their relationship thus far.

Ruby has spread herself too thin with her responsibilities and is offering to go tell Ironwood the truth that she initially decided to keep from him... but she's needed in Mantle with the rest of her team. So Oscar, who as we've previously established, is well aware of the weight of responsibility Ruby carries as leader, offers to take over for her. While he didn't agree with her decision from the start, he did respect it and therefore has his own amount of blame in keeping the truth hidden. His actions in this scene tell Ruby that she doesn't have to carry it all alone. That her decisions are not solely hers to bare the weight of. Even reassures her when she double checks that he's okay with it. Look at the little thumbs up! He's got it, Ruby! No worries!!

But outside of how it works for their individual and shared arcs as a pair, it also follows an established pattern within how CRWBY writes their romances. This 'breach of trust/break up' arc is one that has been explored with both Bumbleby and Renora as well. With BB, it kicks off when Blake runs at the end of V3, followed by her and Yang at odds with each other throughout most of V6, before they regain trust after protecting each other against Adam.

With Renora, it's running tangentially to Rosegarden throughout the Atlas arc. Ren, not believing they should be huntsman or be carrying these responsibilities, follows Ironwood's orders to the letter, represses his feelings and gives his team the cold shoulder, etc... all while Nora is in complete disagreement with how he's handling it. But both Bumbleby and Renora have new conflicts and resolutions throughout V8 as well... and so does Rosegarden.

Ruby and Oscar don't end this scene working fully together. They split up, following the name of the episode. Oscar stays behind in Atlas (As Above) to talk to Ironwood, and Ruby goes down to Mantle (So Below). Only for the two to swap places by the end of the volume with Oscar falling to the crater, and Ruby getting picked up from Atlas. They separate again in V8 following the split of the other ships as well; Yang, Ren, Jaune, and Oscar split from Blake, Nora, Weiss, and Ruby, respectively. The narrative constantly separating them with intention.

When they do have another resolution with the (rudely interrupted) reunion hug in V8E10, it is once again in this same location: The Schnee Manor entryway. Which, if you look at the full scope, with its rose engraved pillars, is designed like the definition of a fairy tale ballroom.

This romantic setting having not just one, but two very important moments to their shared narrative, ties into a Chekov's gun that's been following them around since the beginning: the idea that fighting and dancing aren't so different.

Even their body language and poses have them set up as if they're asking the other to dance!!

During this scene, they're also framed between two open doorways. Doors framing Rosegarden is something I've mentioned a few times, but am still working on a full meta for. To explain it briefly, open doors within stories - especially RWBY's narrative - are often symbolic of a few things. New beginnings, transitions and change, but also opening up or vulnerability. In this scene, Ruby and Oscar end up coming to an agreement between two thresholds marking a mutual transition. And they do this by trusting each other, opening up to one another, and ultimately growing closer in the process.

Speaking of being on the same page, I also want to talk about how the other characters are framed here. (Disclaimer: this isn't meant to downplay other ships, it is just an objective observation.)

Within the scene proper, team JNR all leave before Ruby and Oscar arrive, but there is an Interesting Focus on the characters that pass them over. The first we see passing over Ruby's shoulder is Penny, the second one is Weiss, this time over Oscar's shoulder. Leaving the two behind...

But then the camera angle changes. When Ruby and Oscar say "we should tell Ironwood" in unison, they are overlapped by Yang and Blake. Ruby then asks "Guess we're on the same page, huh?" before it pans back to Oscar and shows Bumbleby crossing past them a second time, as he responds "Guess so".

Which tells us two things. First, that they're on the same page as each other, and second that they are also on the same page narratively as Bumbleby. And if that wasn't enough to really drive the idea home, they give us another parallel to them by the end of the scene when Ruby and Oscar jinx with each other again!!

Ruby is so excited that she actually jumps off the ground when she turns around to wish Oscar luck, they bid each other farewell before she gives him the finger guns (just like her big sis does to Blake in V9), and then Ruby leaves through the front door, giggling again. Which prompts Marrow to roll his eyes in exasperation at the cringey, overly romantic youth he's been forced to witness twice over now. Once here, and once with BB earlier in the volume.

The last thing I'll mention has less to do with analyzing the scene objectively and more about a little test a dear friend of mine ran. She took the clip of this scene and sent it to some friends that weren't familiar with RWBY, the ship, or either of the characters individually, and asked them the question: What do you think the dynamic is between these characters?

And every single person that was asked immediately agreed that there was either a crush situation going on or it was building to a potential romance arc.

So take that as you will. Love this scene with all my heart, and thanks for giving me an excuse to talk about it. 🥰

[aprismaticodyssey]

I am alive-! Minor news below!

The news being: my mother found employment! Wooooo. Joyous day!

That's the biggest news, honestly.

Truth be told, I haven't done much beyond work on Book 3 of all things 💀 when I'm not reading stuff on Choices. Like, I FINALLY got book passes for the Royal Romance so I was trying to speed run that because those books drag and I just wanna see how the Royal Heir ends.

Played through Guinevere (again) and finally did a Lancelot run. Did Foreign Affairs and finished Tatum's route. Honestly, Tatum or Blaine, can't go wrong either way. (Playing with a male sprite sucks because the outfits are sooooo boring omg).

I got my mother to try playing Horizon Zero Dawn. I love watching how much fun she's having. Can't wait to see her reaction to the biggest plot drop.

[sailorstarr-chan4]

Some of my Favorite Manga That Deserve an Anime Adaptation

Red River (28 volumes)

😍😍😍 !!!!!!!! *gestures dramatically at the screen* I just!!! I cannot scream this enough!!!! This forgotten gem stole my heart in 2020 and I cannot get over it. In a word, this series is: passionate. Exquisite. UNDERRATED. 😭😭😭 It's a historical isekai romance that is full of political intrigue, erotica, brilliant characterization, GORGEOUS art, and great action. This manga is the reason why I wrote 3 out of the 8 non-crossover Red River fics that exist on AO3 lmaooooo. IT'S JUST SOOOOO GOOD!!!! I never finished a series longer than 7 volumes within less than 2 weeks, and completely online, no less! It's a damn shame that it's so hard finding even physical copies of the manga to own, because dammit, I NEED!!!! 😍😍😍🥺🥺🥺 I would straight up CRY from joy if an anime adaptation was ever announced skgjfdfkjgdf (but I doubt it'd ever happen 😭)

MAO (14 volumes and counting!)

I mean, it's only the legendary Rumiko Takahashi's latest work, COME ON. It has Takahashi's usual touch in the art style, themes, and motifs, but is also wonderfully refreshing, with all new memorable characters and low-key one of her BEST main ships of all time. The game's afoot, and there's mysteries to unravel with deeper conspiracies beneath them all, all with a hot immortal doctor and a feisty girl who shares his curse with a cat demon thing (a byoki, to be precise). WHAT'S NOT TO LOVE?!

FAKE (7 volumes)

Yes, there's an OVA 2-part special. No, it's not enough. This bitch is thirsty for MORE. 😍😍😍👀👀👀 Yuri on Ice may be the first "yaoi" to steal my heart (I only put quotations because there's no porn lol), but FAKE is the first "official" yaoi to make me SQUEEEE while reading. Yes, this older series is not free from some of the unfortunate trappings of older yaoi series (*cough* noncon issues! *cough cough*), but I think what makes it work is that it's never pushed too far. And honestly, the mysteries surrounding their work as private detectives was so compelling, that it was almost like they never had time for shenanigans.... until after they fell in love 👀👀👀 Or, rather, after Ryo FINALLY accepted that he's gay AF for Dee lmao. Also: points for Dee being an openly bisexual man, who constantly corrects those who call him a homosexual. For the 90's??? That's surprisingly progressive.

Angel Sanctuary (20 volumes)

Yes, there's a 3 episode OVA. But it only "covers" the first 2 volumes out of TWENTY. This series is absolutely gorgeous: the Gothic inspired art, every panel is just dripping in angst, detail, and passion. The incest takes a backseat for the REAL drama, a savage dressing down of the hypocrisy of Christian ideals in a world where even the realm of Heaven is corrupt and full of sin. Dark, angsty, deliciously sinful, and a thoughtfully cynical yet inspiring commentary on what makes us human (even if you're a devil or an angel), it is an absolute CRIME that this series was never made into a full-length anime. If other controversial anime can be made/adapted in this day and age, then why not give this classic, forgotten gem a try, anime studios?! 😤

The Gentlemen's Alliance Cross (11 volumes)

Arina Tanemura's art is simply *chef's kiss* She has such a Shoujo Style that is unparalleled. Two are of her earlier works were made into beloved early 2000's magical girl anime series: Kamikaze Kaitou Jeanne and Full Moon wo Sagashite. So why not THIS?! It is such a deliciously absurd Drama that is addicting and frustrating as hell. It's also just a truly touching tale of how family baggage can be so damaging to people's perceptions on love, relationships, and self-worth. It's a series that's near and dear to my heart, and I'd love to see it animated one day.

Kitchen Princess (10 volumes)

This adorable series is 90% fluff, 10% ANGST, with some of the cutest art styles imaginable. If you're itching for a series about food that doesn't go batshit like Food Wars (I love that show, but I can understand that it can be, er, overwhelming lol), Kitchen Princess invites you in for tea and cake and holds your hand as you eat delicious desserts that warm your soul. It is just a sweet, sweet story, with an abundance of fluff, but enough angst and hurt/comfort to balance out the cutesyness. Definitely a comfort food series that NEEDS AN ADORABLE, WHOLESOME ANIME AND CUTESY SOUNDTRACK, DAMMIT!!!!

Fushigi Yuugi: Genbu Kaiden (12 volumes)

If the original series can get an anime, then SO CAN THE PREQUEL, DAMMIT!!!! Genbu Kaiden took what is good about Fushigi Yuugi, and made it better. The protagonist is a thousand times more likable and stronger, both physically and emotionally. The dramatic scenes are far more effective and don't rely on Soap Opera BS. And the art has improved! GENBU KAIDEN DESERVES MORE LOVE!!!

Arisa (12 volumes)

Don't let the cutesy art fool you: this is one of the darkest series I ever read that didn't kill off the entire cast. With the right soundtrack and animation studio, this could be a downright chilling show to watch, without resorting to Higurashi levels of terror and violence. I don't Do horror at all, but the psychological thrills and twists of this dark series kept me invested, frightened, alarmed, and entertained until the very end. I would love to see it animated one day.... 👀

Shinobi Life (13 volumes)

THE BODYGUARD ROMANCE BEFORE YONA OF THE DAWN MADE IT COOL!!!! 😍😍😍 Lol, but in all seriousness, this series is SO GOOD!!! Now that I finally own all of the physical copies published in English (which is only half, because this world is cruel 😭😭😭), I cannot WAIT to dive back into this world of time-traveling ninjas and reincarnated princesses and adorkable relationship shenanigans, with an added bonus of backstory ANGST.

Alice in the Country of Joker: Circus and Liar's Game (7 volumes)

Listen. LISTEN. I DEMAND AN ANIME BASED OFF THIS MIND-BOGGLING TRASH, and no, not just that joke of a "movie" that is even somehow even more incoherent than the countless manga spin-offs. Not all of us have the patience or understanding to play the games, pleeeeeease 😭😭😭

~~~

Honorable Mentions:

Fairy Cube (3 volumes)

First of all: fairies. Second of all: this tiny 3-volume series is such a clusterfuck of chaos, lightning fast plot points, that if stretched out to even a 12 or 13 episode series would probably make it coherent AND give justice to the story.

Alice 19th (6 volumes)

Same logic to Fairy Cube: I just want someone to take this mind-fuck of a series, because, in the right studio and director's hands, it'd be soooo amazing!

Otomen (17 volumes)

Honestly, I barely remember much of this adorkable series, other than the very refreshing and honest takes on gender, gender roles, and gender identity and how all are similar and yet separate. It would be nice to see more representation in mainstream anime, even now.

RG Veda (10 volumes)

Once again: a 2-episode OVA does not an anime make. Literally I just love the art and mythologies. And it's one of CLAMP's earliest work, and is low-key their most gorgeous. Imagining this story animated to today's standards would be *chef's kiss* AMAZING!!! 😍

Kilala Princess (5 volumes)

Let me make one thing absolutely clear: this will never happen. Ever. Never ever ever. Not in my lifetime, certainly, as long as copyright laws exist. If Kingdom Hearts is never gonna get an anime/animated show adaptation, then this cutesy manga sure as hell won't. But GODS I WANT IT!!!!!! 😍😍😍🥺🥺🥺😭😭😭 It is every childhood Disnerd's self-insert dream come true sdkjgdjfgr

[prince-rowan-of-the-forest]

We'll Save You (3/4)

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Janus has a bad day and finds himself in the library. Things can only go up from there..

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| <- Previous Chapter | Next Chapter -> |

TWs: No explicit tws for this chapter I dont think - but as per the fic there are vague references to past trauma.

Word Count: 2349

Notes: Hey look, it's me updating a fic I haven't updated in six and a half months!!!

I got inspiration to finish writing this third chapter after an ask game on tumblr - sooooo that's cool!

I don't know what I'll write for the final chapter, I do hope to do something, but it might be another six months, unfortunately.

----

Janus was having a horrible day.

He knew it the moment he woke up that today just wasn't going to be good, as days sometimes were. He'd woken up feeling phantom bruises on his arms and legs. His breakfast had tasted like dirt when Anxiety brought it - he'd seemed to notice Janus' mood and left quickly with a small reassuring smile. He’d taken extra care to brush his hair over the left of his face today, seeing the scales made him feel sick. 

He'd eaten quickly and changed into a comfortable set of clothes from the wardrobe that Prince had been steadily filling. He couldn't help how he felt a little guilty putting on such soft, lovely clothes. Such things were meant for people who had earned them. Janus was sure he'd done no such thing. 

He'd snuck from his room, attempting to stay out of sight from anyone who he might cross paths with - any servants and especially Prince or Anxiety. He really didn't feel like talking right now.

Somehow, he'd managed to find his way back to the library he'd found a short while before. He hadn't quite found the time to visit it since. When he found it, though, he quickly worked out that no-one seemed to be inside. It was quiet, as libraries should be. 

For a moment, Janus considered that he had no idea how he was supposed to find a book that he wanted to read in this library. It was so huge with so many shelves, so many isles and nooks and crannies - which was perfect with him wanting to hide, but did make things a little difficult. 

Somehow, though, when Janus thought about what he wanted to read, his instincts seemed to start pulling him in a certain direction - toward a certain shelf.

Eventually he found the place the library seemed to be leading him to - a shelf of books about… mortals. Reading the covers led him to believe they were fictional - mortal written stories about… romance. 

He picked out one that seemed to be more interesting and then - once he had the book firmly in hand - the library seemed to begin pulling him in another direction, this time leading him to a small nook that sat off of the main library, featuring a plush red rug over hardwood floor and a wonderfully soft looking sofa across from a roaring fireplace. 

The curtains over the windows on one side of the room were drawn, only letting slivers of sunlight through where they hadn't quite been closed properly. Janus smiled, it was cozy, the room was comfortably warm and when he tentatively took a seat on the sofa he found it just as wonderful as it looked.

He didn't know how long he had sat there reading, but it must have been a long time, because he had nearly finished the book when he noticed that any time had passed at all. The nook the library had led him to was the perfect place to hide from the fear and guilt that still plagued him about everything. The perfect place to get lost and forget how everything felt so wrong. How every moment he wondered when the second shoe would drop, how he feared the moment they'd force him to attempt some impossible task just to punish him for failing..

Janus tried to clamp down on those thoughts, attempting to focus his brain back onto the words he was seeing on the page before him. The main character was part way through screaming at her previous partner for 'cheating' on her at the beginning of the book, and Janus was interested to see whether she would be punished for such a thing.

But then most of this book didn't make sense. It was mortal written, the labels on the shelves had said so, and supposedly reflected reality, but Janus found it mentioned many things he didn't know or hadn't heard of before. The female characters were working jobs and standing up to their partners without being hurt or worse. The world described in this book was nothing like the one he had known. 

Thinking about just how much time he must have missed only served to make his bad mood worse. So he kept reading. Regardless of the confusion he faced, he hoped the story ended well. Maybe he'd try the fantasy section next - at least there was no expectation for him to understand the world there.

"Why hello Deceit!" Said a cheerful voice that had Janus' eyes snapping up from his book - he was only a chapter away from finishing. Prince stood in the doorway, leaning casually against the opening with a thick book tucked under his arm. He was wearing a less extravagant outfit today than usual, a simple loose shirt with a plain corset and trousers. He wasn't even wearing shoes. Somehow despite his overall casual look, Prince still looked somewhow… tense.

Janus really didn't feel like talking much today, not with anyone, and Prince's peppiness only served to make him feel worse about his own bad mood, so he simply waved.

"Ah, bad day?" Prince asked, Janus nodded, "May I sit?" 

He just shrugged and went back to reading, unable to help the way his eyes wondered to Prince just about every time he paused. He had sat down on the opposite end of the couch, wings draped over the armrest and feet tucked up in front of him, only just not getting in Janus' space. 

"What are you reading?" Prince asked eventually, wings rustling. Janus showed him the book cover and he nodded in what must be approval, *Marian Keyes? Good choice." 

Minutes later, Janus realised that he was pretty sure Roman hadn't turned a page the entire time he'd been sat here. He sighed, finishing the last few pages before setting down the book on a side table and going to stand up. He almost missed the way Prince's expression turned near distraught when he left the sofa, though when he looked back over he was back to frowning at the same page. 

Did Prince want him to stay? What was going on? 

Carefully, he settled back down with a glance at Prince, who didn't look up but visually relaxed just a little all the same. 

"Are… you olright?" Janus asked eventually, unable to get the off feeling out of his head. Prince looked up in surprise, before sighing.

"You really are an observant one, aren't you?" Prince said softly.

Janus frowned, unsure of what Prince really meant. Was that bad? 

"I suppose I'm not having the best day," Prince continued, "But I wouldn't want to concern you with my problems when you still have so many of your own to deal with." 

"I appreciate that," Janus said eventually, before taking a deep breath, "But I did ask, what's wrong?" 

"I-" Roman started, before letting out a breath of air from his nose, his feathers drooping, "I will be okay, today just seems to not be on my side."

Janus nods slowly, "I think I'm having the same problem, can I… .help?"

"How would you help?" Prince asked, raising an eyebrow. Janus frowned.

"A hug?" Janus suggested anyway, glad he'd gotten the word for what Anxiety had done with him from the book he'd read, "Anxiety said you like them when you're upset."

"They did?* Prince asked, before smiling, "Of course they did."

Prince shifted, placing down his book and sitting up properly before opening his arms - Inviting Janus for a hug. 

He hesitated for a moment, before shifting down the sofa and wrapped his arms around Prince, careful not to touch his wings - he wasn't sure quite how private they were, before attempting to relax against him 

Prince sighed, squeezing him gently and leaning forward to rest his chin atop Janus' hair as he ran a hand through the curling strands. Janus couldn't help but relax too, relishing in the more gentle touches. This wasn't something he was used to, and the way Prince's hand felt in his hair was new and gentle and felt simply wonderful. 

"I may also be hiding," Prince admitted quietly, voice muffled by Janus' hair.

"From what?" Janus asked, just as quiet, he worried that if he spoke any louder it would ruin the peace.

"Vee," Prince admitted with a small chuckle, "I ate the last slice of his cake." 

Janus couldn't help the way he tensed, though Prince seemed to notice, gently running his fingers down his back, somehow drawing the tension from his shoulders. 

"Don't worry, sweetheart," Prince said, "It's nothing serious, a little playful squabbling at best."

"He won't hurt you, right?" Janus asked, frowning into Prince's shoulder. He liked Prince - and Anxiety too, though it was taking a little more to warm up to them. He didn't want either of them to hurt each other, especially not over something like a cake. 

Prince shook his head, "Most certainly not, it's all in good fun, they know I'm not having a good day, so it's all light-hearted."

"Okay," Janus said, eventually settling down in Prince's arms again. This felt like it was lasting longer than the 'hug' in his book had, and the one Anxiety gave him too, and those hadn't involved quite so much contact, but Janus was comfortable here. He found he didn't want to move, and Prince seemed quite content to hold onto him and play with his hair too, so Janus felt it maybe wasn't so bad.

—

“Ah, so this is where you’ve been hiding?”

The peace in the library room was broken by another voice. Janus found now that he was startled into wakefulness that he’d been dozing off cuddled up to Prince’s chest. He looked up to see Anxiety standing in the doorway, arms crossed, though their expression softened a little when their eyes fell on Janus. Prince looked a little worried, but he was still smiling.

“Hello sweetie, what’re you doing in here?” Anxiety asked, tilting their head a little.

“Um..” Janus said awkwardly - suddenly wondering if they’d be upset that Janus had been actively cuddling their partner. 

Coming to his rescue, Prince answered for him, “I found Deceit reading in here, he noticed I was upset and offered a hug - I suppose I got a little carried away...”

Anxiety laughed, a small sound that they covered their mouth with a hand to hide, “Cute,” They said, “Are you okay with being cuddled like a pillow, sweetie?”

“Yes,” Janus said too quickly for his own liking - but it was still true, “It’s - it’s kind of… nice?”

“Awwe,” Prince cooed, sitting up a little and pulling Janus back into his chest. 

Chuckling, Anxiety looked at them both for a moment, “You two look adorable, mind if I join you?”

“Of course, my darling,” Prince said, reaching out for him, “As long as the little cutie is okay with it?”

It took Janus an embarrassingly long time to realise that Roman was referring to him with that cute nickname, but with cheeks flushed red, Janus nodded. He wouldn’t mind Anxiety joining them. Nodding, Anxiety walked over, perching on the edge of the sofa next to them until Prince used one of his wings to pull them closer. 

Eventually, after a little bit of shifting around in order to get comfortable, Janus found himself sandwiched between the two faeries, Prince was comfortably warm while Anxiety balanced out that warmth with their gentle coolness. Prince’s wings were wrapped neatly around them and Anxiety was gently carding their fingers through the primary feathers whilst they rested their head on Janus’ shoulder. Janus couldn’t help but notice the way Prince shivered with every stroke of Anxiety’s slender fingers - those feathers looked so soft, though.

“Would you like to try?” Anxiety asked, looking passively at Janus as he paused in running his hands through the feathers. Blushing, Janus ducked his head before looking up at Prince for permission. The faerie in question was looking serenely at them both - as if totally at peace. 

“Of course, little one, go ahead,” Prince said softly, running his fingers through Janus’ hair once more, “Vee will show you where not to touch.”

And so began a lengthy explanation of the parts of Prince’s wings and which parts were more sensitive or intimate to touch. Janus felt he was right to avoid touching them earlier. It seemed the fluffy feathers nearest where his wings joined his back were sensitive, as well as some other spots where there were apparently glands. Anxiety assured him that the tops of the wings and primary feathers were the safest spots to touch if he ever wanted to. 

The explanation ended with Anxiety holding Janus’ hand against theirs to guide his fingers through the soft feathers - they were just as soft as they looked. Prince let out a soft, happy sigh. 

“He’s sweet, isn’t he?” Anxiety asked him a little while later after Prince’s soft breaths had evened out and he’d fallen asleep holding Janus against him with his nose buried in his hair. 

“Yes,” Janus agreed, before covering his mouth as he let a yawn slip out. 

“Why don’t you fall asleep too?” Anxiety said gently, “I think you both need it, and I think he’d appreciate you being there.”

Janus yawned again, settling in with a happy sigh - he really did felt like he could fall asleep right here, and maybe Anxiety is right, he probably did need the rest. 

“Will you stay here too?” He said, not sure why moments afterwards. Normally he wanted to be around Anxiety especially as little as possible when he wasn’t feeling his best. Anxiety seemed just as surprised as he did.

“Of course,” They said regardless, “Of course I’ll stay - we’ll both be here when you wake up.”

Leaning forward, Anxiety pressed a gentle kiss to Janus’ forehead, making him feel a little like he was burning - like sitting by a fire after you’d just come in from a freezing winter. 

Easily, Janus allowed himself to drift off to sleep, somehow feeling safe sandwiched between these two faeries. 

----

Tags: @full-of-roman-angst-trash @your-local-random-dino @cutebisexualmess @glacierruler @roseianxiety @bella-bugatti-frogetti-baguetti @scalesfeathersnfur (if anyone wants to be added, let me know!)

[convenientalias]

Well, I finished My Journey to You

I can't say I'm a huge fan, but it was unique and enjoyable. More thoughts...

The Good

-Yun Weishan and Shangguan Qian have great chemistry, especially in the first half of the show. I only wish they had more scenes together in the second half instead of wandering off into the land of heterosexual romance.

-Pretty much everyone gets whumped.

-Gong Yuanzhi!!!!! I initially thought he would be the second male lead, before Gong Shangjue showed up, and I kind of wish he was, except I like his role fine as it is. Obsessively loyal didi!!!! Poison boy!!!!! And when I say everyone gets whumped, it's true, but Gong Yuanzhi probably plays whump the best out of all the guys lols, although he's hardly front and center.

-The aesthetic is unique. A lot of wuxia feels kind of similar in terms of costuming and effects. My Journey to You tries for a slightly darker, more mature vibe in terms of production. (See: Yun Weishan's drapey black robe, for example. Also, everyone's always whispering for some reason.) Sometimes this annoyed me actually (bc I don't quite think the plot stands up to the level of seriousness the production is playing at), but for the most part I think it's nice as a change of pace.

The Bad

-I really just. Could not care about Gong Ziyu or Gong Shangjue. Or their romances. Ziyu was a bit better than Shangjue in terms of romantic vibes by the end but they're both just so boring. I don't want either of them to be Sword Wielder I really don't care.

-The ending was so confusing??? Too many twists and reveals and most of them didn't even really matter. I love a "this is what was really going on all along" flashback but some of these reveals directly contradict what the show told us earlier in ways that really annoy me. Also the final villain... is he dumb? bc he could have achieved his goal much easier in other ways, just saying.

-Not that he's unique in that. Everyone in this show overschemes, and especially Wufeng. You could just have had the brides infiltrate WITHOUT revealing their infiltration just so they could prove they weren't fakes even though they were fakes etc etc. Like. WHY.

-I hated Gong Zishang and Jin Fan's relationship I'm sorry. Just. She harasses him constantly and makes that her whole personality, but it's okay bc it turns out he was in love with her all along?? One of my least favorite ship dynamics.

What Could/Should Have Been

-Gong Ziyu acting just a bit more seriously affected by the Wufeng!Yun Weishan reveal. Sooooo anticlimactic as it is. I wanted more drama!

-Shangguan Qian should have gotten to successfully betray Gong Shangjue and fuck him up. Like, I wanted to see her try to murder him or see him get captured by Wufeng or something. Him or Gong Yuanzhi or both. Ideal vision: Gong Shangjue kneeling in chains at Shangguan Qian's feet, staring at her in abject betrayal while she's like "I was only ever manipulating you all along" (while secretly she has feelings too. or doesn't. honestly I don't even care I just wanted her to destroy him).

-Alternatively/in addition I wanted to see Gong Yuanzhi eventually come to accept Shangguan Qian as his family member, and maybe become protective of her. They had such good banter but then they just stayed at odds forever :(

-More development in Yun Weishan and Shangguan Qian's relationship. I wanted to see them slowly grow to trust each other and become more sincerely allies, possibly at conflict due to only one of them turning away from Wufeng, but if so, they should have become archnemeses. WHAT DO YOU MEAN they don't even interact in the last three episodes???? What the fuck.

Overall

I had fun, but I think I just wanted more, you know. Not more as in more episodes (the show hints at a season 2--I don't know that I'd watch it), but more depth in some of the characters, more clarity in the plotting, more drama over the plot points that should have been genuinely dramatic, more badassery from our spy women. I probably got a little overhyped for this one or I wouldn't feel as disappointed--the gifsets on tumblr definitely showcase the aesthetic, which is delicious, but set my expectations a little too high for some other aspects.

Which leaves my favorite female-led wuxia of 2023.... Ye Cheng??? Damn. Now that's arguably a worse drama in terms of plot and depth of characterization, it just hit my id more squarely and was more melodramatic and fun.

If anyone has thoughts on what my next wuxia watch should be, I'd be happy to hear them! I have a couple options in mind already :D

[danaedanette]

Final review of ACOTAR

Sooooo. I finished ACOTAR. Disclaimer, the pages referred here are from the French translation.

It's a massive review, (9k caracters and 3 hours, I really didn't think I would write something this long) so I put it under this "read more" thing.

I already mentioned in another post the book is really slow paced during, like, 70%, because it’s focused on Feyre and Tamlin relationship and budding romance. It’s not necessary a bad thing, but it get a little boring after a while. But I already read the book once ; I knew what was going to happen, and it certainly played a part in my boredom (is it the right word ??) so I’ll be indulgent about the pacing.

I picked up one little inconsistency toward the end of the book : on page 452, Tarquin is described as having “almost white hair, striking cristal blue eyes and warm ebony skin” (an rough translation back to English by myself lmao). And later on page 508, he is described having “tanned skin, a blue and green tunic, a roses crown on his blond hair” (still a rough translation). Honestly, it isn’t too bad, Tarquin isn’t an important character yet (or at all), he isn’t even named, only called “Summer High Lord”. I picked it up because Tarquin is more present in the following books and I frowned on the description page 508, and I remembered that he made another short appearance sooner in the book so I checked it up.

So onto the characters and what I thought about them !

Let’s begin with Rhysand, at least it’ll be done faster. No surprise here, I didn’t like him. I’ll admit all the seeds for Feysand are planted here so it's smoother on the next book, something I hadn’t saw on my first reading 7 years ago. But alas, Rhysand is desesperatly Rhysand, so all the signs of abuse that will (in my opinion) define the character and the Feysand relationship are all here too. Nothing new : the forced deal with the broken arms, the drugging and dancing, the eye that spy on Feyre,… I know it’s all explained (and immediately brushed under the carpet) in the next book, even if I don’t remember the details, and obviously Feyre forgives him, but I simply can’t condone Feysand with a history that heavy between them. Especially as we know that there will be… questionable actions on Rhysand’s part later on. Either he doesn’t learn of his past mistakes or they’re not mistakes at all and he knows perfectly well what he’s doing. I think (to no one surprise) that the latter is true, and here an example why : the first time Feyre is painted in preparation for her nightly dances, Rhysand shows her how, when the paint is damaged by contact, he can fix it with his magic. And later on, when Tamlin and Feyre are kissing and Rhys interrupts them, Tamlin has paint on himself and Rhysand made it disappear. Or maybe Tamlin does it himself, but either way it doesn’t matter, my point still stand : Rhysand can fix the paint on Feyre, he doesn’t have to kiss her to explain that the paint is blurred when Amarantha comes in the room. So Rhysand lied to kiss (read : sexually abuse) Feyre. He’s a dick. (Or it’s another inconsistency on Maas part, who knows ?)

Still, I liked him better in this book that I will in the next, because here we don’t have the narrative and Feyre telling him that he’s a poor, poor baby who never, ever did anything wrong in his life (or else he was forced and he didn’t want to do it :( ). Here, he’s still a villain/really morally grey character. (I keep making assumptions about what I’m gonna find in ACOMAF, and I should stop because I want to go in with an open mind.)

Amarantha is caricatural. That's all she inspired in me.

Then Lucien, because I wanna keep the two main protagonists for last. I remembered that he was one of my favorite characters, and so I was quite disappointed with my rereading. He is not nice with Feyre – which, understandable. She killed Andras, who was his friend, and he had to be at least helpful/civil toward her because they needed her to break the curse. That’s a horrible situation to be in. But all the times he insulted her… It was, at least 50% of the time, insults about her being mortal. To me, it feels like Lucien’s hostility toward Feyre was born of racism, and not of a personal history (her killing his friend). He did helped her UTM, but honestly with how their relationship was before that, I interpreted this help as him doing a favor to Tamlin/helping the only person who had a chance at freeing them from Amarantha. I do think that SJM intended for Feyre and Lucien to be friends, I just don’t think I read the book the way she wanted it to be read. And also, to be fair, Lucien wasn’t exactly really developed. Even his relationship with Tamlin was lacking, in my opinion. Lucien was sometimes (rarely) making fun of Tamlin, as friends do, or he was doing his report about sentry duty. Aaaand… that’s it. Tamlin reacted most of the time by being like “shut up, Lucien” and growling menacingly, which is, for one, not nice to threaten a friend, and two, all the time ? Come on, I understand the situation is really complicated, but be nicer to your friend, talk and joke with him, you’ll feel better Tamlin !

This will be our transition on Tamlin. He was quite nice during the majority of the book. I’m not exactly sure about UTM, but more onto that later. It was nice reading about all the efforts he kept making to get to know Feyre, and hilarious how bad he was at it. The Summer Solstice was one of my favorite scene, Feyre was so free and happy, and the idea of Tamlin playing violin for her on his knees… Yeah, I melt just thinking about it. He was a lot more anger-proned that I remember, but never toward Feyre, and she never felt threatened, and even if Tamlin did threatened Lucien, well,…  Lucien always came back to annoy Tamlin, and when Feyre, talking about Lucien’s eye, asked if Tamlin did it, Lucien was quite shocked, almost horrified, that she would think that. So I take it Lucien wasn’t feeling threatened or afraid of Tamlin, and therefore, despite being angry most of the time, Tamlin knows how to keep his temper under control and it wouldn't surprise me if he's the "quick to anger, quick to appease" type. (It’s still not nice to threaten people, especially friends).  About UTM, I don’t know what to think. Tamlin does know how to control his temper… to a certain point. He was never violent toward anyone during the book, but he did have difficulties to hide his anger, notably his claws which were almost always threatening to break out. And yet, UTM… nothing. He gives strictly nothing. No claws poking, no growling, nothing. I’m REALLY conflicted about it. It is, as Lucien said, a way, as small as it is, the only possible thing Tamlin can do to protect Feyre from Amarantha. But is it in character for Tamlin, who doesn’t seem to struggle to keep his poker face, even when he was an open book the whole time ? Was he so open with his emotions during the book because he was at home, with people he trusted and in a place where he was in control ? And so does it mean that UTM he wore a mask to protect himself and Feyre ? (this one should appeal to Rhys’s fans.) I DON’T KNOW. Maybe I think too much and it’s just an inconsistency/retcon on Maas part to justify Feyre leaving in the next book because “you did nothing to help me UTM”.

Either way, I liked Tamlin (and Lucien) less than I remember liking them the first time. But I have a theory : it’s quite possible that the unfairness and retcon that they both suffer in the two next books had me so offended on their behalf that I decided I would love them twice as much for every character who would treat them unfairly based on strictly nothing.

AND FINALLY FEYRE. Even if…, to be honest, I don’t really know what to say about her. She really is quite the typical YA female protagonist. She slayed the first challenge, it was one of my favorite scenes. And the last challenge was really poignant. Even if it was MORE than time that she used her brain. Seriously, this riddle was easy. Or maybe I read too much fantasy books, I don’t know. She was too complacent (not sure this is the right word, but nice is not right either soooo) with Rhysand. A guy that treat me like that, I hate him with all my guts, no matter what “helps” he gives me in the middle of all the abuse he inflicts on me. But well. Seeds for Feysand and all that. On that note, I think I read somewhere on Tumblr that Rhysand knew as soon as he met Feyre for the first time (on Calanmai) that she was his mate ? Not sure tho. In any case, it can’t be true because during their last conversation, just before they leave UTM, Rhysand says goodbye, then freezes and looks at Feyre with, uuuh, big surprise (stupeur in French). Sorry, my brain is melting, I have worked on this review for way too long. So I guess this is the moment Rhys knows she’s his mate. Which, now that I think about it, is really weird that he would be nice to her before that because let’s be real : Rhys don’t give a fuck about people not close to him. Oh, well. Either it’s a retcon, an inconsistency, or anything else, I’m done with this book. Next step : ACOMAF. Maybe I’ll find some answers. Maybe I’ll find more questions, more retcons, and a sudden want to cry. (Open-minded, Danette, remember that you must be open-minded).

To conclude, I was not surprised about Feyre and Rhysand, they were pretty much what I remembered/expected. Lucien and Tamlin were a little disappointing, but honestly not by much, because I knew my memories might be askewed and I know not to expect too much from SJM. This was a very mid read. Not too bad, not good either. 2, 2.5 stars.

Oh, and sorry for any mistakes. This post was long and I really don't have the strengh right now to proofread it. Maybe later, but probably not. I hope it's not too hard on the eyes.

[singsweetmelodies]

tagged by lovely @car-bo-hydrate to try this <3333

star sign: virgo

favourite holiday: new year

last meal: a hot mug of tea and some south african buttermilk rusks (comfort food breakfast!!! ❤️☕)

current favourite musician: probably taylor swift, but as always, it's hard to choose just one. OOOH! lately, dove cameron is high up on the list too

last music listened to: confetti (acoustic version) by little mix - LISTEN. ever since ms perrie edwards put out a tease that her solo music is coming soon, i have been on a big little mix high again, listening to all my old favourites and hyping myself up sooooo much for that perrie music drop 👀👀👀😍

last movie watched: my girlfriend and i rewatched shang-chi and the legend of the ten rings again last night for movie night <3 LOVE that movie, omfg. both my gf and i firmly declared all michelle yeoh's scenes our favourites 🤭

last tv show watched: you know, it's actually been really long since i've properly watched a TV show, so the answer to this is probably something silly like reruns of FRIENDS

last book/fic finished: 2 different answers here!! last book was iron flame by rebecca yarros (yes, i caved to all the hype and read it on the plane - yes, there were bits that pissed me off, but i mostly enjoyed it) and last fic was one of AO3 user venerat's landoscar masterpieces, "i'll kiss you first" <3

last book/fic abandoned: hmm... i tried to read this rom-com called "you & me: a mlm single dads romance" while on holiday in SA, and i just... couldn't make it more than 5 chapters in. the cringe (& the VERY american focus of... everything...) was just too much for me, especially because i tried to read this right after a super delightful wlw rom-com recommended to me by darling @duquesademiel. after that, this one just... couldn't compare. at all.

currently reading: well, i'm back to work, so my time for books has unfortunately dropped exponentially... all i'm actively reading rn is a bunch of f1 rpf fics, to be perfectly honest

last thing researched for writing/art/hyperfixation: "WHAT COULD CAUSE A SCANDAL IN THE REGENCY ERA" 🤣🤭

favourite online fandom memory: storytime sundays where we tell those long DM fics with @boxboxbrioche and @welightitup <3333

favourite old fandom you wish would drag you back in/have a resurgence: HMMM! i am mostly over all my old fandoms by now, to be fair, but if i really had to choose one... probably one direction?? because a proper resurgence would mean the reunion, right? (right?) ((so maybe i'm not quite as "over it" as i pretend 🤭))

favourite thing that you enjoyed that never had an active fandom: ohhhh, i can't think of a name immediately now, but it's definitely some or other book series that, if it had a fandom at all, was so tiny that i was practically the only person in it 🥲

tempting project that you're trying to rein in/don't have time for: LISTEN. i have had the most awful writer's block for months, and now that i can finally write again, somewhat, all that i want to write are the things that i should NOT be focusing on rn, because those things don't have deadlines but other things do *charles_wtf discord react*

prime example: about 2838474829 piarles smut WIPs and a/b/o and chussyverse explorations, instead of... my PWFE fic. some belated birthday fics. some celebration fics i promised nearly half a bloody YEAR ago. oops 😭😭 but, we'll get there. we will! just like this will be ferrari's year (i am delulu) xD

no idea who's done this yet and who hasn't, so i'm just going to tag some friends and hope i'm not double-tagging anyone - also, if i miss anyone, please feel free to say i tagged you anyway, because i'd love to see your answers <3 @boxboxbrioche @welightitup @hourcat @teamnick @sedicii @francophones @radiocheck, if any of you feel like giving this a go <3333

[marinersubmariner]

I finished Jedi Survivor, gotta blab about it!

SPOILER SPACE

BODE?!??!??!? I kept thinking he was gonna die, especially in the lead-up to the final Dagan fight—they gave him so many hallmarks of a tragic death that I never suspected a classic video game companion betrayal (one of my favorite things!!!)! So that twist threw me for a LOOP, not just the betrayal but then the reveal that HE WAS A JEDI TOO WHAAAATTTTTT!!??!?!?! Absolutely bananas.

It's funny because Dagan's death felt pretty anticlimactic, and I knew the game wasn't over yet so I was like… what else is there? And I still couldn't have anticipated how OH SHIT the "what else" part could be.

Because then it's PLAYABLE CERE!!!! Which was so fun because she felt SO powerful to play as, and the whole time I was reeling about the betrayal and why am I Cere now what the fuck what the fuck what the fuccckkkkk. And then as soon as the door opened on Vader I instantly got teary-eyed because I knew exactly how that was gonna end. Of COURSE you're out-of-left-field playing as Cere for her last stand. ;___; Of COURSE they couldn't include Vader just for the player to narrowly escape again. ;___; Cere wasn't even my favorite character and she felt so distant in this game, but having her death take place amidst the destruction of the archive that she'd been building that whole time, plus HER LAST WORD BEING "TRILLA," plus BEING MURDERED BY VADER EXACTLY LIKE TRILLA... way to make it as painful as it could possibly be!!!!!! I gotta say, not only do these games make Vader VERY scary, they also make me hate him more than ever. FUCK YOOOOUUU MURDER MACHINE

I am shocked they went all-in on Cal/Merrin just because… romance in Star Wars????? Since when??? Hahahahaaaa…….. I kid, I kid, we have fun. I love them. Although my main inclination in the first game was Cal/Trilla (it was immediately after TROS and the extreme Reylo of it got to me!!) and somewhere along the way I had gotten the impression that Merrin was a lesbian (or maybe that's just the default Nightsister vibe). But truly I consider everyone in SW to be bi/pan/ace/anything but fully straight, so honestly, whatever. Related side note: I was really pleasantly surprised by the directness about how many supporting characters here were gay!

I LOVED the first kiss followed by the totally bonkers portal-jumping battle, that was such cool teamwork. And the end of the game was sooooo saaaad but thankfully they both lived and so now I'm real emo about the orphan Jedi and the orphan witch and how far they've come since she tried to kill him. 😭

Backtracking a bit I REALLY enjoyed Dagan getting dumped out of the bacta tank, getting pissed off, and IMMEDIATELY bleeding his crystal. It was very ooooohhh SHIT dude making some major life decisions here!! So cool! So dramatic! Escalated so quickly! I'm pleased that I did end up enjoying Dagan a decent amount, because going into this I was annoyed by a) not liking Cody Fern's face and b) not liking the High Republic aesthetic.

Honestly I was very ready to dislike both Dagan and Bode because I was really not happy with the previews showing they added a bunch of dudes while hiding Merrin and Cere, and Trilla being dead…… blugh. But thankfully trailers are misleading and there was plenty of Merrin. (and her surprise entrance was THRILLLINNGGGG) And the dudes were alright and they wound up dead anyway. So! …Hm.

IT WAS SO SAD. I'M SO SAD. The "Ghost Star" lullaby was so pretty and haunting and it messed me up BAD, because of course I'm not just thinking of this game I'm thinking of all my dead Star Wars friends (and obvs one ghost in particular…….. sob). There are so many. Star Wars is littered with corpses. AND IT'S SO SAD.

Cal using the dark side was craazzzyyyyyy and when the first prompt for it came on screen I was like "uh oh!!!! I don't wanna." Wild how becoming more powerful in a video game can be so fun and so upsetting at the same time. I did actually die in the final fight with Bode because I refused to tap into the dark side when prompted, lol. I was like "maybe if I don't do it something different will happen!" Haha, nope! USE THE DARK SIDE OR DIE. Which is an interesting moral quandary for Star Wars, because if the dark side is always more powerful 100% of the time, and there are certain situations where it's either fight a dark side opponent or die… what does the Force really want you to do? Stick to the light side and be defeated? Is the ultimate end goal of the Force for everything to die and become one with it? AH JEEZ

Part of me expected Tanalorr to not work out in the end, because "magical top secret planet where we can hide and be safe forever" is obviously too good to be true. But I also think every pre-OT story is always having to find an out for why these characters weren't around for the OT, so in that sense of course Tanalorr had to work out! It's the perfect loophole for this time period! It just felt like every story beat was pointing to the dream of Tanalorr being too much of a corrupting influence—Dagan lost his arm, Santari, and then his life because he refused to let go, and then Bode did the same, and I thought it would come down to Cal also facing that dark path and being forced to give up the dream, like by having to choose between Merrin and Tanalorr. In Grail quests you always have to give up the Grail! But no, now they're really gonna live in the ethereal weird forbidden promised land. FEELS CREEPY BUT OKAY

On the one hand I do kind of wish there had been more planets to explore—it felt strange for the journey to be less expansive than Fallen Order. But there was still so much to do on Koboh and they had some cool locations in there nonetheless. I'm just greedy for ~*~galactic exploration~*~! Anyway they made up for it with the strong story, because I think the plot and character work in this one were even better than Fallen Order.

I'm not sure how to piece it all together but I liked the small late-game talk of Vader and the Inquisitorius acting outside of regular Imperial command, when you're undercover and you get the scoop that there's a rivalry with the ISB and that the Jedha attack that happened was not the Jedha attack that was planned. Empire/Sith infighting, Vader vs. Tarkin and Krennic, how does stifled ISB employee Dedra Meero fit into all this, hm hm hm much to think about. Bode was a former Jedi being used by the Empire but he wasn't an Inquisitor—it was the same thing in the end but the particular type of tragedy was different. Wizards in the Empire but the Empire hates wizards, which type of leash are they gonna put you on and who's actually holding the leash?

Fav saloon regulars: TURGLE, of course I knew everybody loved Turgle, what a goober, A+, amazing frog; Caij, because apparently it's a biological imperative that all Nautolans are cool as hell; best bartender Monk; and I particularly enjoyed all the conversations with Tulakt and Moran.

Of course I was thrilled when I first encountered Skoova, his little hover fishing schooner was the BEST. Just an absolutely stellar amount of funky alien dudes in this game.

The powerful heavy swings that the crossguard stance uses…… hehehehehehehehehe. Where did they get that idea I wonder!!!!!! The only thing is that I don't like how small and thin the High Republic-style quillons are, so the aesthetic isn't as satisfying and proportional as Kylo's saber. You gotta beef up those crossguards fellas!

I didn't know that there was an interim story to explain why Greez has a prosthetic arm now, so I was like "did I really forget THAT MUCH of Fallen Order?" Even I can't keep up with all these Star Wars! I liked Greez a lot in the first game (MY PLANT GUY!!!!) but I really loved him even more in this one—he seemed much softer than I remember with his devotion to Cal and their whole family unit. And his braided hair of course delighted me.

And speaking of delightful new hair: Merrin's haircut! I LOVE HER SO MUCH. They gave her so much great deadpan humor while also enhancing her emotional maturity, so not only is she still super cool she's also soft and nice when it's called for, and I'M SO GLAD SHE DIDN'T DIE.

Kata is extremely cute and I'm already dreading her looming apprenticeship and the long-term outcome of who makes it to the next generation. I'm always having to remind myself of the bigger picture that Cal is older than Luke. And I certainly can't handle the thought of old Cal or dead Cal, but when you add kids into the mix, that's where this is headed!!!!!!

I took so many goddamn screencaps I'm probably only gonna post a minuscule fraction of them, but there were so many good aesthetic things and fun details to look at. And honestly part of my excessive snapping away involved lofty notions of using things as fanart reference. I LOVED all the new hair and wardrobe options because I absolutely just used Cal for Ben Solo AU cosplay. 🤪😎🤩✌️💀 The windswept hair is so good!!!! I mean I mainly chose it to look like Ben but it also just looked really good on Cal, to the point where it's hard to see him with short hair anymore, although I really should try out some of the goofier looks. (so many facial hair options that I hate and look stupid on precious ginger babyface!!!)

I just get soooooo excited about being able to explore and take pictures inside a Star Wars thing, and play dress-up and pick hairstyles and decorate and do all that silly life sim stuff but in space! Games capture such a unique experience of discovering worldbuilding minutiae, and I love having the ability to just look at things and take in the environment at your own pace, it makes me so happy. Even the goofy LEGO game gave me that feeling. It's just so nice! I love wandering! Observing! Interacting! Running my little guys around! Having my own experience that can't be easily ruined by a shitty story!

It's made me reminisce about playable Kylo and Rey in Battlefront and how I wish you could combine them with the exploration/story/gameplay style of the Jedi games and the [nearest approximation of] post-canon Ben Solo of the LEGO game, and THAT would probably be my ideal Star War (outside of, you know, a new movie that checks off every single item on my impossible wish list hahahaaagdhagdsf). Dress them up and customize their lightsabers and their home base and their spaceship and give them a droid friend and a garden and take them on new adventures on new planets… The Dream 😭

I actually started ruminating on whether I can do screencap mashups of Battlefront character models in Survivor outfits/environments, because I can't do mods, I am just a simple photoshopper and console gamer, but I want to pretend!!!!!! The problem is I don’t really like the Battlefront faces because they all look dead in the eyes. :/ The idea I settled on is that I might do some straight-up redraws instead. (WE'LL SEE. But the fact that I'm even mentioning this should tell you how completely lost in the sauce I am.) I briefly went looking and of course people have made Ben Solo mods for Survivor, but what you really gotta do is graft Cal's customization options onto Bode's body type or else it doesn't look right. Y'KNOW?!?? Size… matters……… I'm so sorry Yoda

Anyway!!!!!! Excellent gaming experience despite being terrible at Jedi parkour! Now back to tending my garden, hunting down post-game Force echoes, and rearranging Cal's wardrobe

[wtfuckevenknows]

Top 9 Books

thanks for the tag and the crisis @liminalmemories21... I'm cheating because of course I am 🙈

Y'all knew there would be pictures, right?! I do live my life in pictures (theres a reason I studied photography) after all 🤷🏻‍♀️

Red, White & Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston

Obviously....

2. A Good Girl's Guide to Murder by Holly Jackson

I've read the whole trilogy but this is by far my favorite (isn't the first one always the best?). Every now and then I need a break from all the romance and then I'll pick up a ya thriller or whatever and this was the perfect quarantine read tbh.

3. Me Before You by Jojo Moyes

Used to be my favorite book until rwrb came along. Also didn't hate the movie...

4. P.S. I Love You by Cecelia Ahern

Unlike here, where the movie kinda ruined the book for me. Read it like 5 times, bawled my eyes out every time and haven't read it since I watched the movie (which also means I've never read it in English). It's on my list actually, to get over the trauma and to finally read it in its original version.

5. Off Campus Series by Elle Kennedy

It's hockey... Do I need to say more?! Some of the best book boyfriends are found in these books 💖

6. The Fault in Our Stars by John Green

I read this in my lunch breaks at work years and years ago and I bawled my eyes out so much that even the kids asked me if I was okay. 🤣 Haven't read it since but loved it very much!!!

7. hush hush by Becca Fitzpatrick

Once again and the first and best book of a trilogy. The only book of my fantasy phase that I would still read again today.

8. What If It's Us by Becky Albertalli & Adam Silvera

I loved the first one so much and I was sooooo disappointed by the beginning of the second one I still haven't finished it.

9. Rules for Being a Girl by Candace Bushnell and Katie Cotugno

Such a powerful book. Just read it. I yelled at everyone I knew to read it after I finished. 😂

There could be soooo many more books on this list 😩 I'll just leave you my Goodreads, where you can check out all my 5 Star books if you want to 🙃

Now (don't kill me Lim)...

Gossip Girl by Cecily von Ziegesar

Don't ask how many times I used to read them as a teenager...

Harry Potter

I know, believe me I know! But 7 year old me didn't know and has fond memories of her mom reading to her before bed, before she started reading it herself from Book 3, Book 5 came out while I was hospitalized and I read it in a day... (I own them in English but I've never read them in English 😬)

My three absolute favorite books as a kid/pre-teen:

Flight of the Albatross Der Gesang der Orcas Der Wunschplanet

Honorable mention to these three cook books because I love them very very very much and use them (or recipes from their websites) often!!!

I'm gonna shut up now 😂

No pressure tagging @heartstringsduet @strandnreyes @beautifulhigh @three-drink-amy :)))

[i-amtransexual]

HELLO HI FOR THE LOVE OF GOD HELLO.

It's finished I am done I am so tired and so so happy about this fic. Happy new year's @finalcontrolroom you were my gift recipient, i hope you like it! This is my gift fic as a part of the @mcytblrholidayexchange ! Tumblr version below :D

"Oh trust me," they snarled, finally standing up from where she had been sitting, xer cheeks slowly starting to return back to their normal temperature, "If I had wings I would be significantly more proficient in using them than you ever could be."

"If an incompetent as shit twat like you ever gets wings, I'll do whatever you want for a day." Tubbo said, glaring.

Ranboo scoffed. "Oh bee boy, don't go promising me something so tempting so easily," she snarked, leaning in real close and failing to notice Tubbo's shortening of breath. "I'd find far too many ways to ruin your life for good."

----------

Ranboo is so whipped for Tubbo, except she isn't, she really isn't, xe definitely hates him. Tubbo is head over heels in love but has to play along, because at least that way he gets to talk to her. Also, it’s new years and Ranboo has no idea what that is! Shenanigans shall ensue.

Author Note.

Heyyyyy sooooo *looks at that romance tag* gotta be honest not at all where I was heading with this. Was just gonna have o!Ranboo going on some silly little adventures with the theme of new years, do a bit of worldbuilding and maybe have a little bit of o!beeduo/r in the background, as a treat. However, as always, they have taken over my brain and o!Ranboo the glorious light of my life that she is, is now gonna be going on a  little trip down romance lane. Did I manage enemies to lovers? Probably not, never written it before! Hope it kinda applies though? This is getting very long, down to the point.

Hello my giftee here is the fic i have written for you. Mainly o!beeduo, i too adore o!sneeg but i could not do him justice as the main character so he had to have a smaller role i’m afraid. To make it clear, Ranboo is transfem, uses she/xer/they,  and i love xer.  Tommy uses she/him, Tubbo uses he/him, him and Tommy are both transmasc, because wahoo why not.

Hope you enjoy!

It was Sunday, and Ranboo was having a nice catnap in the sun, her tail lazily swinging back and forth as she leant against the entrance of xer cave. She heard the glow berry vines rustle above them as the wind breezed lightly into her home, and a berry fell into their claw. Surprised, xe examined it. It was a perfect specimen, skin firm, yet not tough, glowing a soft gold as all glowberries do, and with the scent of the sparkling alcoholic drink Phil was so fond of. She popped it into her mouth and let the flavour of sweet and sour wash over xer, as a popping feeling enveloped her tongue.  Their eyes were closed, and they let out a contented sigh as she savoured the smell and the taste of a glowberry perfectly in season. It is a truly wonderful moment in a lovely day, and nothing could possibly ruin it. 

Ranboo's lovely day was immediately put to a halt as she heard the frantic buzzing of wings quickly grow louder, and she opened her eyes just in time to see a panicked bee hybrid crash into her, xer crown toppling off and his goggles clattering to the ground. The both of them groaned from the collision, Ranboo attempting to raise a claw to rub her sore head, before finding to their annoyance it was tangled up in the arms of the incredibly beloathed Tubbo.

"You absolute imbecile!" she said to him angrily, arm stuck wiggling as Tubbo tried and failed to stand, before he fell onto xer again. "What good are those wings if you cannot even use them?!"

Tubbo frowned angrily back at her, his face a furious red as he tried to untangle himself from the glow berry vines he had crashed into, causing fruit to rain onto the two of them. 

"Don't fucking blame me, 'princess' " he said in a mocking tone, causing Ranboo's own face to heat angrily. "The wind changed and it being a bitch is hardly my fault. Not like you could use wings better than I could, dickhead."

Ranboo chose not to take offence to that last insult, instead preferring to fixate on Tubbo’s challenge, not that he meant to frame it as one. 

"Oh trust me," they snarled, finally standing up from where she had been sitting, xer cheeks slowly starting to return back to their normal temperature, "If I had wings I would be significantly more proficient in using them than you ever could be."

Tubbo, kneeling on the ground, still goggleless as Ranboo fixed her crown with a huff, ignored the redness of his cheeks and the pain his knees were in and simply shot back with,

"If an incompetent as shit twat like you ever gets wings, I'll do whatever you want for a day."

Ranboo scoffed. "Oh bee boy, don't go promising me something so tempting so easily," she snarked, leaning in real close and failing to notice Tubbo's shortening of breath. "I'd find far too many ways to ruin your life for good."

At a standstill, Ranboo finally noticed the now rather crushed flower garlands Tubbo had been carrying.

"What are those and why did you decide to come break them in my cave?" xe said, trying to keep her tone annoyed but accidentally letting a bit of curiosity seep through.

Tubbo looked down and cursed the strangest string of words Ranboo had ever heard, leaving her to decide it must have been a word in Apiarian, rather than Universal or Ender.

"Pissine n shettning n böllez," Tubbo muttered under his breath, gathering the broken garlands in his arms. As he used his left arm to fix his goggles back on his head, he searched with his other three to find a specific garland.

Hesitantly, almost shyly, Ranboo thought, he held out one of the garlands to xer, one that was mostly intact ,with alliums, white roses and pink tulips being held together by twine.

"Phil suggested I give you one, it wasn't my idea" Tubbo made sure to blurt out first, and Ranboo rolled her eyes as she reached and plucked it out of his arms. They spun it around, viewing it from every angle, yet for the life of her xe couldn't figure out what it was. 

"It's to celebrate for new years," Tubbo said, one hand rapidly fidgeting with his belt, the others straightening the garlands out. "Since you're new, Phil knew that you wouldn't know about our tradition in the valley, so he told me to make one for you."

Strangely touched, Ranboo tried to say thank you. However, it got over-thought about a billion times before it reached their mouth so instead the question of "What’s new years?" came out instead.

Tubbo stared at xer for a while, thoroughly puzzled before she snapped at him, embarrassed,

"Look, if you're too unknowledgeable to tell me I'll just go ask Tommy instead, since clearly she's smarter than you."

Whether Tubbo was offended by the insult of Tommy being smarter than him, or if it was the (unlikely) fact that he knew Tommy would tease her much more for it than he would, he answered her. 

"Well, we celebrate the end of this year, and the start of the new one. We all kinda have our own personal traditions around it, and Tommy at least is very serious about his week of worshipping prime, but it's mostly just about reminiscing and looking forward to things."

Before Ranboo could ask more about why the year was ending so quickly, or what Tommy's week of prime worship was about, Tubbo flew off and she was left with more questions unanswered.

Just out of listening distance, Tubbo collapsed to his knees out of breath, and cursed Wilbur to the top of the mountains and back for pushing him into the north wind and in the direction of one very pretty, and very scary, Ender princess. 

----------

"Tooommmyyyy" Ranboo called, her voice echoing off of the marble walls, as they carefully avoided the water rushing down from the ceiling. Xe was met with Wilbur, who silently and violently shushed her, before he turned back to his place in his seat and folded his wings out, keeping his eyes closed and hands held out in front of him. 

"What scam is this weirdo trying to trick me into today?" she thought, before his tail pulled her into the seat next to him. About to shout at him, Ranboo was stopped by Wilbur whispering "Just copy my posture and I'll explain once we get outside."

Very, very, hesitant, Ranboo followed suit nonetheless, and slowly xe became attuned to every noise in the building. The rushing of the waterfall was now less deafening, as each breath she and Wilbur took whispered through the room. The sound of feathers took them by surprise, and she quickly squinted one eye open to see Tommy emerging from the door at the side of the very front of the room. Feeling Wilbur's presence next to her, they shut xer eyes tightly and waited. 

Tommy, with much pomp and ceremony, looked around the room and was absolutely delighted to see a whole second person in her church to prime. Barely containing a squeal, he rushed back into the sideroom, and picking up two more of his grandchildren, she returned to her slow walk down the aisle to the only two people attending his ceremony. 

Ranboo was told she could "Open your eyes under the blessing of prime, hi Ranboo you lanky bitch hurry up hurry up hurry up look at this," and was greeted with a chicken wiggling in one claw, and a warm egg in the other.

Wilbur nudged her, with a chicken and an egg also struggling to balance themselves in his hands, and confused, she nodded at Tommy and said her thanks in time with a smirking Wilbur. Beaming, Tommy bent to kiss both the eggs, before grabbing the two chickens and stuffing both of them under each arm. She waddled up to the front of the room, and holding on to the prime symbol around her neck, he began his speech.

"Today, on the first day of the last week of a year graced by the presence of me, and blessed by many subscriptions with prime, every person is granted An Egg." Tommy's grin was stretched wide, and would have been contagious had Ranboo not been wondering why he had capitalized those last two words in speech.

"I thank you for your promise to subscribe with prime, as you all have, by volunteering yourself to care for this egg until it's last moments. Your newfound parenthood is a symbol of the birth of the new year that is to come, and I hope you are as excited to look after this child as you are for the new year. Gertude and her many grandchildren thank you for this service, and I thank you for your forever promise to care for my great grandchildren. I hope you all make me a very proud grandfather, little ones!" Tommy called, face filled with joyous rapture, before she turned heel and strode out the side door. Ranboo sat with the egg in her claw dumbfounded, before Wilbur rolled her eyes and pulled xer outside.

"That," Wilbur said to answer her as yet unasked question, "Was the first day of twitch prime week. It's Tommy's thing she does during our new years celebrations, and i'm normally the only one that goes along with it." Wilbur smiled at her, and Ranboo was struck by how genuine it seemed to be. 

"I think he was really pleased there was a second person actually there today, even if I did force you to be there." Ranboo nodded, looking closely at the egg in xer hand. 

"What is this for, exactly?" they said, gesturing to it. Wilbur laughed. "Weren't you listening?"

She bristled, ready to insult him into the next week, (or rather next year, at this point in time) but he saw the look in xer eyes and hurried along.

"It's from one of Tommy's chicken in the fucking army she seems to have bred them into. We're supposed to look after the chicken until the end of the first week of next year, then we give it back to Tommy so he can continue to have a ridiculous amount of chickens. It’s not at all a traditional prime thing, but seeing as Tommy is the only person who believes in prime that i know it’s not like i’m the expert"

Ranboo was absolutely terrified at suddenly having to care for a new life, but Wilbur was completely fine. "You don't really have to worry about it though, most of the eggs Tommy's chickens lay end up as the eggs for cooking. See?" Wilbur held his out into the sun, his hand still in the shade,  and Ranboo could see the faintest shine of yellow on the edge of the shell. "Yellow means it has a yolk, not a chicken, inside. Almost all the eggs are yellow."

Ranboo seemed torn between asking what colour her egg was, and waiting to see what Wilbur would do with his egg. She didn't have to wait long, as Jack Manifold was seen cresting over the hill and Wilbur took the chance to fade into the ground.

"Ayup Ranboo!" Jack called, and Ranboo raised a claw in greeting.

"Good noon, Jack," they said, deciding to stow the egg in her inventory for the moment. Jack nodded at her. 

"How's your new years coming along?" he asked good naturedly, planting his feet firmly in the ground, a well enough distance away that his blaze rods wouldn't accidentally catch xer hair on fire, again.

Once more, here was this unknown and terrifying "new years" that Ranboo did not at all understand. Tommy had prime, Tubbo had his weird flower things and yet neither of those explained to her what this one cohesive new years thing was at all. And, well, when xe didn't understand something, she had to fake it till she made it.

"My new year's is coming along perfectly, and far better than yours ever will," they sniffed haughtily, and internally breathed a sigh of relief when Jack seemed to take no outward offence.

"Perfect, ay? Already? You better look out for when it goes wrong, because perfect is a hard place to fall from," he said good naturedly.

"I'm gonna go drop by Niki's for a bit in the afternoon, but otherwise let me know if you need help recovering from your "perfect" new years," he laughed, giving them a wave and walking off.

Ranboo stayed just long enough to watch Wilbur pop out of a tree and crack his egg over Jack's head, where it began to sizzle and burn ferociously, before they teleported back to their cave to find a warm, safe place for their egg.

----------

"Ranboo!!! What's up!" A new day, a new morning had passed, and now at 12pm Ranboo was greeted with a very loud, and a very tipsy, Sneegsnag right in her ear. Wincing, she plucked him off her shoulder and unceremoniously dropped him to the floor, after she had properly ascended the ladder and crouched through the doorway.

"Good to see you Sneeg," she replied, sitting on the ground next to the tiny table that he had set up.

"Raaaaaaanboo!! Helo!" Fundy also greeted xer, a jug of mead in hand and his cheeks somehow redder than usual.

Ranboo, though still unsure why any being with a brain would choose to intoxicate themselves in such a way that their body and brain were poisoned, for fun,  was glad that they had chosen mead to drink, as it had the least unpleasant smell of all the alcohols she had thus far encountered.

"So since everyone here seems to be carried away with this “new years” thing" xe said, shaking a few leaves out of her hair and barely avoiding hitting her head on a lower hanging branch, "Will the two of you care to explain what tradition this is?"

"Well," Sneeg and Fundy began, before they both glanced at each other and burst into drunken laughter. As Sneeg’s fork accidently got flung against the room and planted itself into the trunk near her head, Ranboo wondered why she had bothered to come over.

"There was a realm i came from" Sneeg started, before snorting and having to start again. "Called RLcraft, and Fundyyyyyy, joined me once or twice."

"You were bigger then," Fundy shouted, for some reason, even though he was but a few feet away, "Old age has made him shrink already, itty little bug boy."

"Dude, shut the fuck up."

Ranboo sniffed, pretending to turn up her nose at the unsightly behavior of the two, but secretly they found it very entertaining, and were planning to take notes. For completely innocent purposes of course.

"Hey RANboo, did sneeg ever tell you, about the time we fought a… a what was, a tower guardian?" Fundy was thoroughly drunk, making his words slurry and blurred together but this question intrigued Ranboo.

"We were drunkasshit, then too," Sneeg remarked, the middle of his sentence an incoherent mess of sounds.

Ranboo decided to simply watch the two as they bantered back and forth, listening with great interest as they reminisced. Sneeg, for all she knew was a capable and devious little guy, apparently also had a lot of experience surviving in one the most dangerous servers known, or "realm" as he incorrectly labled it.

"Youknow," sneeg yawned, "I used to do this every year with my buddy Union, before i fucked off to here."

"The blue guy?" Fundy asked, barely awke.

"Bitch, I'm the blue guy. But yeahhhh," a large yawn, "it'sa pretty good newyeard tradition. Always fun tryig to fight a sea serpent when you’re not so-” a giant yawn,”sober."

"Raaahn… boo. what're you do for new year's?" Fundy's question shook Ranboo out of the quiet contentment she had been sitting in, and she pondered the query for a while.

"I guess the closest ender holiday that's equivalent to the "new years" celebration, is The Great Sleep," Ranboo said, eyes taking on a far away look. "A year in the end seemed to last about 7 or so of the years here, so I guess that's why I was so surprised when it was drawing so close so early."

Tubbo, who had been heading to Sneeg's to ask if he had any wax he could use, slowed down as he heard her voice and quietened his footsteps, before he paused just outside the entrance.

"It sounds kind of ominous, but it wasn't, really." She said, with intense longing in her voice. "After 7 years guarding us, well, the current dragon always got very tired, you know, and they deserved a break. So, a long time ago, we established The Great Sleep. The ruler would announce that The End was to go into a period of rest, and that they would begin the Change Over, and once they awoke, the year would begin once more."

"So, the dragon would go to sleep, in a special area where time was frozen for them, and the ruler, in my case my mother, would take their place for at least 7 days, but normally no longer than a month.  We would always hope against hope that, of course, no overworlders would try to come and challenge us during that time, but the void always seemed on our side during The Great Sleep."

"Since coming up here, I have heard tales, at least from Phil, of the luck for an end raid always being especially bad every 7 years or so, of ender eyes breaking at an alarming rate, the stronghold being deep underwater, or surrounded by lava, of having no eyes at all left in the portal, of the room being nigh impossible to find. During The Great Sleep, I could never stay at rest for longer than a day or two, so I would spend every night watching through the portal in the temple, my mother circling the portal to the overworld, looping through the towers and I watched in fascination. For there are no other endariens or endermen on that island during The Great Sleep, and she would always seem so very alone."

Ranboo sighed, and Tubbo wished that he could give her a hug, but fear of being found out held him back.

"Normally by day 6 or 7 or so, the rest of my family had joined me, and at least by the 10th day most of the rest of the empire would have woken. But we weren't allowed to leave our homes to see others, or to party or celebrate or worship even. We could do all that in our own homes, with family and friends that lived with us, but it was truly a period of, just resting."

Xe leant her head back against the tree trunk, deep in thought. 

"I suppose it has something to do with the fact that endermen and endariens don't sleep." And, far quieter than before, they admitted, "And, I suppose, I'm not really a proper one of either of them, so that's why I am so weak and have to sleep every few days, rather than months."

"But there's still a part of me that deeply misses it," she said, "We would have Chorus fruit juice on the first day of the ruler's return, and then there would be a party during however long the ruler's rest period was." Xe grew quiet, and Tubbo could hear her fiddling with her bracelets, the gold and iron clinking in the relative silence. "It's funny to think it's stuck with me for so long but," they gave out a little laugh, "I still know how to make the banners, and the recipe to make the chorus juice fizz. That was my favourite trick that mother taught me."

Xe was interrupted by a colossal snore from Sneeg, followed by a quieter "snork… mimimimimi…." from Fundy, who had curled up on his chair, hat having fallen to the ground. 

"So neither of you two were even listening. Wonderful." She got up, brushed a few leaves from xer dress and teleported outside, not irritated to bother with the ladder. They then immediately fell onto Tubbo, for the second time in two days.

“URGH!” she cried, incredibly irritated as she stood up and smoothed out her dress, ears hot from embarrassment, (nothing else) “What is with you always being in my way, you idiot!’

“H-hey!” Tubbo replied angrily, face flushed and fists balled up, “You're the one who teleported into me this time, so that’s not fair.”

“W-well,” they stuttered, cheeks growing as warm as their ears, “It’s not my fault you’re so easy to miss! You should just get taller.”

Instead of continuing to argue, Tubbo froze for a moment before he burst into laughter. “Y-you” he laughed so much his hand swerve holding his stomach, “you sound j-just like Tommy, ha!”

“Well,” xe sniffed, ‘perhaps Tommy is right for once. If you were taller, t-then it would be much more difficult o run into you.”

Suddenly, Tubbo was hovering in front of her face grinning, his wing s a blur this close to them. “Awww,” he cooed as her face finally started to turn a dark shade of purple, “You almost sound like you’d miss running into me.”

They both stayed there for a moment, Tubbo grinning triumphantly at her and Ranboo completely and utterly flustered, before they squeaked out a “shut up!” and pushed his face away with her claw.

Before Tubbo could reply. she teleported away, pulse racing, but only because he had now seen her in an unseemly situation twice, not because his face was so very close to xer’s, o-or because he smelt like the beginning of spring and new flowers, or because his laugh sounded like the bells that rung out with a sweet tune every hour. C-certainly not that at all.

---------

Very pleased with the outcome of their conversation, Tubbo made his way into Sneeg’s tree, to find both him and Fundy passed out. Shrugging, tubbo rumaged through the chests, found what he needed and left Sneeg a sign with 

“took some wax and strinf, thabk’s bossman!” 

before he flew up and off to the Pub(e).

He dumped the resources in the nearest chest before he quickly went on the hunt for Phil, an idea in his head and a nervous feeling in his heart.

‘Phil? You here?” he called, and received an

“In here, mate!” from Phil’s office in the Pub(e). 

Taking a deep breath, he whispered to himself “This isn’t for her, because I don't care about her, i-it’s just cause she seemed sad, and it’d be kind to do this. “ Knocking on the door, he opened it wide and strode in.

----------

It was the third day of prime week, and Ranboo had managed to avoid Tommy’s latest service with a warning from Wilbur on xer communicator.

Wilbur whispered to you: I know I said Tommy would appreciate you coming to all of his service but do not fucking come today. She’s planning to make us make hats out of all the feathers his chickens shed, and we have to wear them all. Fucking. Day. Or he’ll cry and then Phil will get involved so just don’t. Plus he wants a diamond for entry so save your money and go see Niki or smth.

You whispered to Wilbur: Noted.

You whispered to Wilbur: …. Thanks

Ranboo had finished doing her hair, and she decided agasint wearing any of her horn jewllrey for the day. Xe was going to see Niki, and if she had to take a water resistant potion every 8 minutes that she was there, she wasn’t going to bother with a lot of fancy clothes. Just about to teleport down the mountain, her eye caught on the garland Tubbo had given her, now lying on top of her chest. They didn’t know why, but they decided to take it with xer when she went to see Niki.

“Hello Ranboo!” Niki called cheerfully, her hand waving above the water. Ranboo raised and a claw in greeting back and replied 

“Good afternoon Niki. How has your day been?”

‘How nice of you to ask!” Niki said brightly, swimming a little closer to the dock. “I saw the sunrise this morning, and it was very lovely. Jack also stopped by to hand me the wreath Tubbo had made me.”

Ranboo was very thankful xe had brought her own “wreath” as Niki had called it, with her. 

‘I received one of those from Tubbo as well,” she said, sitting cross legged at the end of the wooden dock. “A-and, I was wondering if perhaps you knew why he gives these out?’

Before Niki could reply Ranboo added “He told me it was Phil’s idea, but i have a feeling that it’s not.”

Niki laughed at that. 

“What a weird thing to say. No, Tubbo has done that every year we’ve been here. It’s an Apian thing, something about flowers symbolising their love to carry you through to the next year. Apian culture is very romantic.”

“L-love?” Ranboo squeaked, thoroughly surprised, her ears flushing. “B-ut why would T-Tubbo give me-”

“Oh no no, don’t worry” Niki laughed, “Tubbo told us when he first gave them out that everyone gives them to eveyrone, romantic or family or friends. Besides, there’s only certain kinds of flowers that are romantic, you know? They all have different meanings. I’ll go get mine to show you.”

Niki dove underwater, a large splash making the dock rock slightly and spattered Ranboo with water. She gave a small yelp at the coldness of it, but was very glad she had had a water resistant potion before she had come down to see Niki.

There was a disruption in the water and Niki’s head popped back up above the surface, grinning widely with all her pointed teeth on display.

“Sorry,” she grinned cheekily as Ranboo glared at her, trying their best to intimidate Niki, for all that xe looked like a bedraggled cat. “I knew you had taken a potion, and I just couldn't resist the opportunity.”

“So did you find your wreath or was that just an excuse to get me soggy?” Ranboo snapped, very displeased.

Niki giggled. “It’s right here.”

She held up a wreath that shone with an enchantment, most certainly a water resistant charm, made up of orange and white tulips, also held together with twine, with glow berries dispersed throughout.  

“You know, it’s quite funny,” she said laying it down on the edge of the dock as Ranboo marvelled at craftmenship of the wreath. 

“Phil got me a book of flower meanings for my birthday last year becuase i had started to get into gardening,” she said, her tail lazily swishing from side to side and creating ripples. 

“And I remembered it this year when Tubbo gave me my wreath, but it was so strange. “

“What was?” Ranboo asked, starting to get a little impatient with how long Niki was taking to get to her point.

“Well, flowers are a huge part of Apian culture, and when I asked him once Tubbo told me that flower meanings were a very prominent too. So I’m sure he used that when making the wreaths, but I don’t really understand what he’s trying to say.”

“Well, what’s so confusing about your wreath?” Ranboo asked, “It certainly looks very nice.”

“Yes,” Niki nodded in agreement, as she pulled a small book out from seemingly thin air, “But the white tulips mean forgiveness and purity,” she said as she flipped ot a page, “And for one i don’t know whether he’s asking me to forgive him for something, or saying i’m very pure? One is confusing and the other just feels quite insulting.”

Ranboo agreed.

“As for the orange tulips, it says here that they mean “a sense of understanding between two people”, which makes me think the white are for forgiveness. But i have just no clue what I’m supposed to be forgiving him for!”

Her tail thwacked the surface of the lake with that and sprayed over Ranboo’s hair, leaving xer soggier than before. Ranboo’s sputters going unnoticed, Niki went on.

“And with glowberries meaning excitement, but not celebration, which would make sense for new years, i’m stumped on what he trying to tell me.”

Attempting to shake some of her hair dry, Ranboo asked, “I did come to ask if you might know what my wreath meant, but it seems i will end up with just as puzzling an outcome as you did.”

“Well,” Niki said brightly, “If it’s not insulting, hopefully it will end up being rather funny instead. Bring it out here.”

A little shyly, Ranboo retrieved her wreath from xer inventory, and held it gently in her claws.

“Oooh, that one’s really nice!” Niki said, reaching out for it, until Ranboo held it back, her cheeks flushing with heat. “It’s, ah, just a little broken is all. It fell a few times.”

Niki nodded, and had a good look from a distance away. '`I'm very surprised though, II’ve never seen him use any of those flowers in his wreaths before!’

Ranboo’s heart skipped a beat at that, but their brain turned to reason and xe scoffed. 

“He’s probably insulted me in a million different ways then,” She snapped, with a toss of her hair, attempting to show indifference. But Niki watched how tightly xe held on to the flowers, and with a knowing smile decided to keep her comments to herself.

“Pink tulips are a symbol of good luck, and white roses signify loyalty.”

The two sat in silence for a moment as they stewed it over. 

‘That’s not quite insulting or a complement” Niki said, re reading over the page.

“I suppose good luck could be an insult, but what is he saying I’m bad at?” Ranboo furrowed her brow, “ And as for loyalty, it sounds like a compliment, but even if I were to take it as an insult it just doesn’t make sense at all! I feel like he has to be insulting me, somehow.”

Niki interjected “Well,  if i can find the page with alliums, perhaps we can figure this out.”

Ranboo sat in tense silence as Niki flipped through the pages. Why did this matter so much to xer? It was only Tubbo, after all, a-and she hated him anyway, so why should it matter what he thought of her? Why should it matter that he had spent the time to create something that looked so beautiful and must have taken a lot of effort, especially for them? Why did the thought of him, carefully growing and picking flowers with her in mind bring such a flush to her face, the image of his eyes, bright and concentrated and blue as the sky on her favourite days of winter, make her ears go hot and her heart race?  I-if he hated xer as much as she really, really definitely hated him, then why would he-

“Ah, here it says alliums mean patience and humility.”

Ranboo bristled, gripping the wreath a lot more angrily than before. “That self absorbed, donkey brained, smart aleck little twit!” She shouted, jumping to her feet, casting the wreath to the dock.  

“How, how dare he tell me, that I need patience? That I need humility?” Xe was breathing heavily, feeling her ears heat with anger now, fists balled up tight. 

“What kind of a pathetic snivelling coward is he that he can’t even look me in the eyes and say it to my face! The utter arrogance he has, to think he is so above me that he, h-he’s probably laughing at me now,  th-thinking he’s won!” She paced back and forth, incensed. 

“Ohhhhh, I should have crushed that stupid wreath the moment he gave it to me, that prick. I’m going to put that complete asshole in his place, ahole in the ground like the peasant he is. FLACS LEN!,  he just makes me want to scream, that- that utter dickhead!”

“Ayup Niki! Hiya Ranboo!” Jack Manifold’s voice made it’s way to the two of them, and Ranboo, now having to try her best to calm down, turned to him trying to keep a “glower off of her face, shoving her wreath into her inventory and sitting down grumpily.

“Hi Jack!” Niki replied brightly. Jack made his way over to them and sat down a little ways away from them both.

“What’ve you two been up to this fine summer's day?” He said good naturedly.

“Oh, we were just discussing the wreaths Tubbo made us.” Niki said, holding hers up, the scent of the tulips carrying on the breeze.

Jack gave a low whistle as he saw Niki’s wreath. “Gee, that’s a much nicer one than what he gave me!” he said, admiring the blooms.

“Oh, was yours made with wither roses?” Niki joked.

Jack laughed. “Oh no, I mean he made it well! It’s just that it’s meaning was essentially “you have forgotten how to be humble. Get better.” I have a feeling Tommy was part of that. I was reading between the lines a bit but when I asked he told me as such to my face.”

Niki laughed whilst Ranboo fumed inside. If Tubbo could be bothered to insult Jack Manifold and tell him upfront, why couldn’t he show the same base level of respect to xer? 

“But really Niki, he’s given yours such a nice meaning, I didn’t think he had it in him. “ Jack remarked.

As Niki and Ranboo looked very confused at this statement, Jack continued hurriedly, “ The orange tulips mean good fortune, right? And the white ones mean wisdom, and the glow berries are for cheerfulness. Stop looking at me like that!” He laughed.

“What, are you confused that he gave you a compliment? I mean, I am a bit surprised too-”

‘Oh no no, Jack,” Niki said, shaking her head, passing her book along to Jack. “I’m just really confused as to how you got those meanings! See, i got this book of flower meanings from Phil last year and mine says something quite different.”

“Oh that’s cause your’s isn’t the Apian flower meaning!” Jack said, turning it over carefully. “I got curious about what my wreath meant last year, so i looked up a book in the library about it.”

“How do you still remember all the meanings though?” Ranboo asked, tail swishing in fascination.

“Well, the book was really interesting and had some other stuff about Apian culture and a few other societies from the Northernmost Area, and well, since everyone here is so different, it'd be helpful to know stuff wouldn’t it? I though i should at least memorise the flower stuff as that would be easy and might come in handy, as it has. ” Jack said,handing Niki her book back.

“And since James is still building the library, I thought I’d just keep the book until he noticed it was gone. And he’s a thoroughly shit librarian cause I’ve had it far past it’s return date. I can lend it to you if you want.”

“Awesome!” Niki said, grinning. “Do you think you could tell us what Ranboo’s wreath means?” she continued, angling her head in Ranboo’s direction.

Ranboo snorted. “It’s probably something thoroughly insulting, no doubt,” xe snipped, still very irritated with the whole affair, but she handed her wreath over to Jack anyway.

They turned away, almost scared of what the wreath would mean. After almost a minute of excruciating silence and hushed whispers, they had to look back at the other two, who were both trying very hard to hold back a laugh.

“What!” she snapped, and Niki started giggling. Feeling xer ears heat, she began to think of the worst insults they could use before Jack interrupted.

“No,  really Ranboo, honest, he’s given you a very nice meaning. We were just, um, not quite expecting it.”

“W-well, what is it?” She said, growing impatient.

“Seems Tubbo has given you a love letter with flowers” Niki giggled, and Ranboo’s heart stopped.

“... What?” she said faintly, ears flushing furiously.

“Well,” Jack said, trying not to grin. “He’s given you white roses to mean “new love”,”

Ranboo’s face was ferociously hot, as she tried to not let either of them read her face and failed miserably.

“Alliums mean adoration, gosh he’s such a sap isn’t he?” Jack continued, sending Niki into a fit of giggles.

Ranboo wrapped their tail around her arm as she tried to not let it wave in excitement, and her face felt like it was on fire.

“And finally, pink tulips mean true love and promises.” Jack was fully grinning now, and Niki was beside herself.

Ranboo was blushing a deep purple, and all thoughts of “putting him in his place” had flown far, far away from her mind.

They sat in silence, attempting to come to terms with this new information she had been given.

“W-well,” she stuttered, “th-thats, certainly s-something i suppose..” Xe couldn't even look at the other two because she knew what their expressions would be.

“So, you gonna ask him about it?” Niki teased and Ranboo decided xe had had enough. 

“Well! Th-thank you both very much for helping me, i-i’ve got to be going now. Bye!” 

With that, she stuffed her wreath into their inventory and used what remaining energy they had left to teleport all the way back home.

Jack and Niki took one look at each other before they both burst into a fit of laughter.

“Remember the time Tommy told you to give me a bouquet of roses for Valentines?” Niki giggled. Jack’s face screwed up, before he started laughing.

“Oh yes, because apparently I have the romantic charm of a dead bug, and that I really needed help, as he so kindly put it” Jack said.

Niki burst into peals of laughter. “Oh Jack, “ she sung, “You’re a lovely guy but I'd rather go for a nice long swim in lava than date you.”

Jack held a hand to his heart. “Oh Niki, “ he simpered, “ You flatter me so. I must say, if I ever had to date you I would rather help Charlie clean all the slime out of his tank.”

They both shuddered at that.

“Let’s hope Tommy never forces us to go on a date then,” Niki said.

“That, would probably be best,” Jack agreed.

----------

It was now the last day of the year, the imminent “New years” only a few hours away, and Ranboo had not left their cave since the incident with Jack and Niki at the dock 4 days prior.  A slightly worried Philza had come past, and asked if xe was feeling unwell, but she threw an empty book at him and shouted at him to go away. He had gotten the message.

Ranboo had spent 4 days in her cave, ignoring Wilbur’s messages about Tommy’s week of prime, thankfully not having to dodge any messages or visits from Sneeg or Fundy as the two had decided to go spend a few days back at Sneeg’s old “realm” after getting thoroughly drunk and reminiscing, and Jack and Niki, seeing as they knew what they knew, had thought it best to leave xer alone for a while.

And now it was 8pm on the last day of the year, and Ranboo really couldn't avoid it any longer. “It” being the problem of Tubbo, whom she had found that maybe, awfully, hopefully, she didn’t entirely hate. Oh who was she kidding, he had confessed that he was in love with her and apparently xe had only just realised she felt the same. Now, she held the power in this situation, and yet she was far more afraid. Xe had to go to the celebration tonight, more out of fear of what Tommy and Wilbur would do to her tomorrow if she didn’t, by=ut she desperately didn’t want to face Tubbo.

“Maybe” they thought to themself as they anxiously put the finishing touches on her outfit, “ I can just show up, exchange whatever gifts I need to and leave before he notices me.”

During their 4 days of alone time, they had written up a formidable list of “new years” gifts they had to get, and had decided to get everyone the same thing, with variations for each person’s own style.

As she looked in the mirror, xe froze and her cheeks flushed. When had they decided to wear that dress? Definitely not because Tubbo had complimented it once. She pushed that thought to the back of xer mind and checked their invitation again.

'`PARTY AT THE PUB(E)!’ it said, scrawled in Tommy’s handwriting. “BE THERE OR BE A BITCH!” Underneath, in a much neater font, Wilbur had written. “The celebrations will go on for god knows how long, but please try to arrive from 7 - 8:30 so everyone can exchange gifts, and those who need to sleep can join in on time for their sleep schedules.”

Checking the clock, which read 8:25 now, Ranboo took a deep breath to still xer racing heart, and teleported to the top of the Pub(e). However, instead of being greeted with noise and music and partying and laughter, as she had expected, there was silence.

As xe cautiosuly open her eyes, she was then greeted with a giant shout of “HAPPY END OF THE YEAR!” and was then barrelled over by a very excited Tommy.

‘RANBOO MY FAVOURITE STUCK UP DICKHEAD! Look at the decorations we did, I helped the most, do you really like that juice stuff that much? I tried some and it sucked balls-” 

Tommy was rambling very excitedly, her feathers all puffed up and her eyes bright with what Ranboo guessed was sugar.

“Yes yes Tommy, good to see you too-” She began, not having listened to his previous rambling, when she stood up and was shocked by what she saw.  

Garlands of various shades and patterns in purple were strung across the beams that were built into the roof of the Pub(e), and small lanterns with Ender symbols on them were hanging about the room. There was a large bowl of punch that had the soft, sour scent of chorus fruit, and the fruit itself garnished cupcakes that sat on the table. At the very centre of the roof, there hung a paper ender dragon, with glitter on it’s wings and two small amethyst shards for it’s eyes. In the centre of the room, the tree of prime had an enderman sitting atop it, and it was adorned with all things purple. 

“Sooo…,” Phil said, his eyes wrinkling in that way they did when he was trying not to smile because he was very pleased with himself.

“A little bee told me about some celebrations you have in The End, and although I know it’s not quite the right time for you, I thought you might appreciate something more familiar this year, seeing as it’s your first time celebrating  new years with us.”

Everyone else had already started the celebrations, conversations being loud and rambunctious, with a few people drifting over to the food table, and a couple more adding their presents under the prime tree.

“What do you think?” Phil said, smiling at her.

In a strangled voice she replied “I-it’s… nice.”

Phil grinned delightedly. “Do you really think so? We put in so much effort, but I can’t take all the credit. It was Tubbo’s idea after all.”

“...Pardon?” Ranboo croaked, her heart racing at the mention of his name. “What did T-Tubbo do?”

“Oh he told me he heard you talking about this and that about The End and he got a few ideas.. But why don’t you talk to him yourself! Tubbo, mate!” Phil waved Tubbo over, who looked a little nervous but nowhere near close to how Ranboo felt. Xe cursed Phil a million times over in her head, casting as many threats of eternal suffering on him as possible as they glared at his retreating back.

“Uhm, so, hi?” Tubbo said, and Ranboo snapped back to look at him, before she promptly flushed and looked away.

In the continuing silence, Tubbo attempted to fill the awkwardness.

“I hope you don’t mind that I uh, kinda overheard you talking to Sneeg the other day,” Tubbo stumbled over his words. “I really hope you don’t think I’m weird, I just  thought, well, i-it’s your first new years with us, and we’ve done heaps of celebrations from everyone else’s homes, s-so I thought it would be fair?”

Ranboo had yet to reply to him, but xe hadn’t started shouting at him either, so he took it as a good sign.

“But yeah! Tommy and Wilbur especially got really excited when Phil asked them to help out. Techno made the dragon! A-and Phil and Tommy and I made the banners. Beau offered to help make food, and Wilbur made the chorus fruit punch, so if it’s really bad that’s why sorry. I uh, didn’t know much about End customs and the book I got, wasn’t that helpful, but I hope it’s alright? And that I haven’t accidentally offended you?-’ Tubbo’s anxious rambling was cut off as he heard a sizzling sound, and he turned in alarm to see that Ranboo was crying.

“Shi! Fuck, Ranboo I’m so sorry, fuck fuck fuck where are the bandages,” Tubbo grabbed her by the claw and dragged them into the kitchen, and he started rummaging around in the drawers. 

“Here!’ he said as he flung a tea towel at their head, and grabbed the first aid box. “Uh, just hold that to your face, and try to st-stop crying? Sorry.” Seeing as they had grabbed a bit of attention from the other people at the party, Niki and Phil in particular looking on worriedly, Tubbo suggested, “H-how about we head outside?”

Ranboo nodded, and thankful to finally have a response from xer, he once again grabbed their hands and pulled them outside, to sit on a bench overlooking the crater, the music from inside muffled.

Tubbo took his time applying the burn cream to their face and carefully placing the healing enchantments on her skin.

“There, that should be all good,” he said, relieved, and then he noticed how close he was to her face. Ranboo looked him in the eyes, and flushing, they both turned away from each other awkwardly.

Neither of them said a word for a while, listening to the chatter and laughter from inside, the awkward silence slowly being filled in by the music drifting outside on the breeze.

“Thank you,” Ranboo whispered. Surprised Tubbo turned to see them looking right at him, ears a dark purple and clawss fidgeting.

‘God she’s really pretty,” he thought, his own face a bright red.

“It was n-nothing, don’t worry-” he began before they interrupted him.

“It wasn’t nothing,” xe said, her claw finding his hand, and Tubbo’s heart skipped a beat as he zeroed in on every single moment of this conversation. “Obviously, thank you for the bandages,” she said, laughing a little, and oh how his heart fluttered when xe laughed. Her voice was like starlight. And he knew he was down bad when he preferred to hear xer cursing him than to hear nothing at all.

“I, I wanted to say thank you, f-for all this, though” they said quietly.

“It wasn’t anything really-” Tubbo said, laughing awkwardly.

“Shut up.” Ranboo said quietly. “It, it was something, to me. I, just,” And now she was crying again, and fucking hell did it hurt. 

“Here!” Tubbo said, grabbing a towel soaked in healing potion. 

He held it under her eyes as xe tried their best to compose xerself.

“Thank you, Tubbo” she said, as he blushed, still holding her face. 

“I guess I hadn’t quite realised, j-just how much I missed home. And, and the fact th-that you’d put so much effort into th-” a hiccup, “ i-into this, for me, I don’t know what to say, except… thank you.”

The two stared at each other, the music now picking up full swing inside, and they heard a shout and a crash, probably Tommy.

“I found out what the flowers meant,” Ranboo whispered, taking the bandage from xer face and smiling at him.

Tubbo’s heart dropped. ‘Y-you did?” he squeaked, palms sweating,  fingers tightly clutching his shirt, his lower hands now desperately trying not to fidget.

“Yes.” Ranboo smiled and Tubbo hoped, that maybe, maybe maybe maybe, it meant something good.

“It was a very nice wreath. I really liked it.” she remarked.

“I really like you,” Tubbo thought as she leaned in a little closer. “Please, please, don’t let this be her making fun of me. I don’t want to cry in front of xer today.”

“W-well, I did spend a lot of time on it,” Tubbo admitted. Quietly, he added, “And I made sure your’s was the prettiest.”

“I think you’re the prettiest,” Ranboo said, both of xer claws now holding his, and his heart stopped. Ranboo’s face was dark purple, and Tubbo was sure that his was redder than Tommy’s plumage.

“Can I kiss you?” he blurted out.

“Yes” Ranboo whispered, xer clawcradling his cheek.

They both leaned, Tubbo’s hand holding her claw, their eyes slowly closing-

“TUBBO IT’S GIFTING TIME, COME ON HURRY UP” Tommy screeched from inside, and two broke apart.

“U-uh, yeah, we’re coming Tommy!” Tubbo shouted back.

They sat for a moment, until the absolute awful horrible awkwardness of th situation was too much to bear.

Avoiding Ranboo’s gaze Tubbo jerked his thumb in the direction of the doorway as he stood up.  ‘W-well, you heard her, we should probably go-”

Ranboo walked over to him, bent down and kissed him on the cheek, his sentence stopping as his brain short circuited. 

“Come on Tubbo, you wouldn’t want to keep Tommy waiting,” xe grinned at him, before sweeping past him and walking inside.

Tubbo, completely flustered, took a moment to bury his face in his hands, before composing himself and going to join Ranboo in the Pub(e).

----------

“Ranboo! Tubso!” Tommy crowed in delight, running up to the two of them, her wings puffed up in excitement. “You guys were out there for ages, it’s gift giving time! C’mon c’mon!” He then grabbed both of their hands and dragged them towards the prime tree, where they were both roughly shoved to a sitting position on the ground whilst Tommy sat in between them and demanded as much attention as possible.

Phil surveyed the room from the rafters, watching people take their sweet time getting to the gifting circle and decided the hour was near. 

“Techno, ring the bell!” He called, and Techno promptly did as he was ordered,  a clanging ringing out across the room.

“Crowfather is askin’ for attention, an’ I wanna go to sleep, so everyone hurry up!” Techno called, his ears twitching, and anyone who had yet to be seated hurried to the circle. Techno took his place in between Niki and Wilbur, and all was hushed.

Philza swooped down from the rafters to laughter and applause, along with Tommy squeezing both Tubbo and Ranboo’s claws until they went numb.

“Hey mates,” Phil said, having donned a fancier hat for the occasion of New Years, and his homemade “Crow Father” tie made by Tommy when she was young. He held a bright purple shulker box, which he placed on the ground.

“Now, as you all know this is our little tradition, where I give out gifts that are better than all of yours and i do it in a fancier way,” that got  a few laughs, “and this year I just wanted to acknowledge that the celebration we decided to theme this new years after was The Great Sleep, which as one of the major End holidays, I’m sure Ranboo can tell you all about.”

Ranboo, a little embarrassed at now having so many eyes on them, stilled her face and tried to look bored, but Tubbo saw xer tail waving surreptitiously.

“And now with that acknowledged, we go on to my portion of the gift giving!” Phil said with a smile, and he started to hand out a bundle of presents.

Tommy received a specially knitted scarf for his eggs, with warming and protection enchantments sewn in, and he chirped with joy, wigs flapping up and down and banging into Tubbo and Ranboo, feathers going everywhere. Tubbo was handed a new toolset, with a few extra hard to find pieces to build that one specific contraption he’d been rambling to Tommy about for weeks, and the look on his face when he saw it was enough to make Ranboo’s heart explode. 

And finally, Ranboo received a book. The outside was a beautifully dyed leather like material, the colour swirling shades of silver and purple. It had a metal clasp, and the pages were made of the finest, most wonderful paper Ranboo had ever seen. Inside was a quill, the feather one of Tommy’s most beautiful, a bright red with flecks of gold and white edges.

“Even though Will has apologised for the incident with the other book earlier this year,” Phil said, “I thought it was a shame you had to get rid of such a nice book, and I thought you might appreciate a nice replacement.”

Ranboo couldn’t cry again, not after the amount of enchantments that had already been used to heal xer face.

“It is a very suitable replacement” xe said, barely containing their smile. “I would think it of high enough calibre to be better than the old one.”

Phil grinned, and she knew he had understood.

The gifting went on, Ranboo giving each person her gift and receiving a lot in turn. Xe had made everyone a piece of jewellery, some people a bracelet, others a necklace if it suited them, and more specialised pieces for her closer friends. For Wilbur, she had made a hanging charm to attach to his sunhat, and then she had to deal with his blubbering as she patted him on the back and avoided getting burnt. 

For Tommy, there was a specific anklet, that was very, very resistant, and waterproof, and fireproof, and wouldn’t get worn by time as quickly as anything else Tommy wore normally would. For xer efforts she was gifted a faceful of feathers and screeching, but at least they knew that to be signs of their friend’s excitement.

Jack had received some earring studs, which he immediately wore with pride, and began boasting to Niki about how handsome they made him. Niki ignored him in favour of profusely thanking Ranboo for her nose piercing  that had the tiniest, shiniest amethyst shard glimmering in it. Techno received a silver crown with amethysts, to add to his ever growing collection, to which he responded with a tight hug and a “This is nice. Thanks.”

Ranboo had yet to give Tubbo his present, but she had no time to worry on that when she was receiving a hat for her egg from Tommy, a collection of glass bottles with fancy detailing and gems as cork stoppers from Wilbur, a truly glorious collection of (dry) pieces of gold and interesting antiquities Niki had found in an abandoned ship,  soft, knitted socks from Techno, a small lute from Freddy, a basket made of reeds and full of (possibly either burnt or undercooked) muffins from Beau, and a wink and a nudge from Jack as he handed her “The Complete and Utter guide to Apia: all about the customs, language and culture of the Apian Society.”

“You should read chapter 14 first,” He said, grinning. “I think you’ll find it the most interesting.”

(And, if later that night, Ranboo did turn to “Chapter 14: How to win (and be won over) by a member of the most romantic culture in the world” and read that first, well who was to know?)

----------

Somehow, Ranboo and Tubbo found themselves outside again, all alone, yet to have given each other a present.

“Well,” thought Tubbo, “It’s now or never, or tomorrow when it might be really awkward and  I have ruined things, so best to get it over and done with.”

“Here,” he said, giving her a velvet box. “I, uh hope it’s up to standard.”

Curiously, Ranboo inspected the box. A smooth black velvet on the outside, no clasp and no signs at all of a maker’s signature. Shrugging to themself, xe opened it. Inside was a necklace, made of silver and as thin and fine as cobwebs.  It  looped endlessly, looking like a layer of lace, with small ovals of obsidian in between, polished beyond perfection to make it shine and glimmer in the low light. At it’s centre, there was an oval circled in silver, inside an emerald and a ruby, cut into perfect shape, and both matching the exact shading of her eyes.

“I know you already have a lot of jewellery, but i haven’t seen you wear much silver stuff so...” Tubbo trailed off, his boot scuffing on the ground. 

“I love it,” Ranboo breathed, xer eyes as wide as moonstones. They traced their fingers over each individual loop of silver, each piece of obsidian, the pendant in the centre, the whole thing shimmering with the faintest light of enchantment.

“This is, this isi gorgeous,” she said, absolutely enthralled. “Where did you get it? I have to talk to whoever made this, it-it’s perfect!” xe said, turning to him and leaning in close. Tubbo gulped, leaning back a little as his wings started to flutter. 

“Ah,” he said shyly, hiding behind his fringe. “Uh, I made it.”

“Oh.” Ranboo said, and they blushed, internally cursing herself for xer earnestness.

“W-well, Tubbo, it’s, really lovely.” Xe smiled, and Tubbo couldn’t help himself from grinning, his wings fluttering as he began to float. 

“I’m so glad you like it,” he whispered.

Ranboo smiled, xer pulse racing. He really was so beautiful.

“Oh, uh, your present, I should probably” Ranboo muttered as xe remembered, carefully tucking the box into her inventory, “Uh, where is it,” xe searched through her pockets until they found it.

“This is for you,” Ranboo said, pulling out a bouquet of blooming pink tulips. They were in a wonderfully crafted vase, made of all shades of stained glass, and tied around it was a matching pink bow.

As Tubbo accepted it, his face unreadable, Ranboo nervously added “I put an anti-aging charm on them, s-so they shouldn’t die for quite a while hopefully.”

Tubbo placed the vase on the bench, and hovering a little higher, he held Ranboo’s face in both his hands, his lower pair grabbing her claws. 

Gently, he placed a kiss on her forehead. “I think you figured it out, but in case you couldn’t tell, I really like you,” he whispered, and Ranboo flushed, laughing at the surprise. 

Xe pressed a light kiss to his lips, and he went from pink to red. ‘In case you couldn’t tell,” she teased as he stuttered, “I really like you as well.”

Light exploded in the distance, and they both watched as the fireworks started, a cascade of gold and silver light pouring down the sky.

“How do those work?” Ranboo wondered aloud, as red and purple light flashed up above.

“OH!” Tubbo said excited, “You, see, it’s actually quite interesting, Phil told me about it-” He stopped as xe stared at them

“Wh-why are you looking at me like that?” he laughed.

Ranboo grinned and shook her head. “I love when you get all excited about explaining things.” She said, and xe leaned forwards to kiss him again.

“Thank you for making new years so fun.” Ranboo laughed. 

Tubbo grinned. “I look forward to celebrating it again with you next year.”

The sky was filled with colour, and Ranboo decided that, even if she still didn’t fully get what new years was, xe was so glad she was celebrating it with the people they loved.

End Note.

oogity boogity my computer has been broken since before the last gift exchange bejeezus. Anywho, wrote the last 7k words of this on a keyboard atachted to someone else's computer, so glad i don't have to write on my phone anymore. First fic i've written that has reached over 10k words, wahoo!

if there are any typos don't be rude about it thanking you. I am tired, i hope you enjoy! goodbye

[checkoutmybookshelf]

What Did I Write This Year?

As a sort of companion to the "What Did I Read This Year?" post, I also wanted to celebrate what I wrote this year. It's not as much as previous years, and it's in a VERY different genre, but there's some stuff in there I am very proud of. So without further ado, here's what I wrote this year!

Sooooo...I think strictly speaking this first fic was the end of 2022, but I am counting it for this year because this is my tumblr and I want to. Check out my take on everyone finding out that Penelope is Lady Whistledown and watch Colin come to terms with his best friend and love being...a little more than he had imagined her to be. Find "I Could Have Told You 'Bout the Long Nights" here.

Sometimes I decide I want a challenge, and literally the genesis for this story was "Hey, can I write a mystery novel?" So I decided to give it a shot in my Polin Fic 'Verse, and had a ton of fun playing in this genre and generally torturing my characters. I also kind of love married and established relationship Pen and Colin, and this also carries on the challenges Pen faces after being outed as Lady Whistledown. Find Of Fire and Featheringtons here.

I was left with more questions than answers in the ongoing Queen Charlotte vs Lady Whistledown grudge match of the century at the end of the previous fic, so naturally we had to write a third fic to wrap it up, and this is really the end of the grudge match. I was pretty happy with how it all got wrapped up, and I hope you enjoy the final part of this little trilogy. Find Lady Whistledown Returns here.

The final piece of writing I "finished" (and yeah, we're cheating a little bit on the word finished here, but again, my tumblr, my rules) this year was a little fic in a totally different universe. Imagine, if you will, an Eliot Spencer second-chance romance with some Casablanca quotes. Find "Leverage Drabble" here.

So that's what I wrote this year, and there are definitely plans for next year. I have a Polin Shifter Romance in the works because I wanted to see if I could write a shifter romance (literally guys, the Dragon Prince of Alaska books are still living rent-free in my head, and I need to get this out of my system. Wish me luck). The goal is to get that finished and posting before Bridgerton season 3 drops in May, but I make no promises about that deadline getting hit.

There's also 200-odd words of a Polin/Hamlet crossover, but I'm not sure I'm feeling that one and there is no goal deadline.

Finally, there's a larger Leverage fic that I'm fighting the limits of my talent on to get it finished, but I have no goal deadline for that one either, since I've been very, VERY stuck at 16,000 words for like three months.

I am so, so proud of the Polin fics, and I look forward to writing more and adding new projects in 2024.

[bookaddict24-7]

REVIEWS OF THE WEEK!

Books I’ve read so far in 2022!

Friend me on Goodreads here to follow my more up to date reading journey for the year!

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261. Forgiving Lies by Molly McAdams--⭐️

Beware of this book for those who need TW!!!! There’s a very descriptive r@pe scene. There is physical and emotional abuse. There is victim blaming. There is stalking. There is an insta romance that the MC falls into very close to her attack and I know everyone handles the trauma differently, but it felt a little too…easy for her to just move on to another guy? Also, warning for the MC saying that it’s not r@pe because he didn’t finish. Yeah, this book was a lot. I’m glad I’m finished it and that it’s not on my shelf anymore. Also there’s a sequel which just seems…pointless?

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262. So You Want to Be A Wizard by Diane Duane--⭐️⭐️⭐️

I’ve had this book on my bookshelves for years and I’ve always been curious if I would actually like it. While it wasn’t what I was expecting, it had its entertaining moments. This gave me similar vibes to A WRINKLE IN TIME in that it explores magic and the whimsical, but in a logical and slightly over wordy way. It had its moments where I was confused because of the writing and it made me remember how different fantasy and sci-fi were written in the past in comparison to today. I have the whole series, so I will try to read it 😂

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263. Moonlight by Rachel Hawthorne--⭐️⭐️⭐️

After having this on my currently reading list for far too long, I finally finished!! While this wasn’t a perfect read, it was actually a lot of fun. I already want the sequel for future reading. I enjoy the occasional werewolf (or shifter) lore and this one entertained me. The romance with the brooding tough boy was predictable but still fun. The writing is a little simple and predictable, but I think it would make for a great summer read.

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264. The Lesbiana’s Guide to Catholic School by Sonora Reyes--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Please check out the trigger warnings before you read this book, specifically TWs for: Homophobia, racism, Depression, and mention of suicide. One of the first times this book came to my attention was when one of my friends mentioned the first sentence of the book. Pick up a copy and read that sentence--I'm sure it'll hook you right away. This book had so many layers to it and Reyes captured them beautifully. One of the things I appreciated the most was how Latine culture can or might look at the topic of the LGBTQ+ community. This book shows how some people can surprise us, but others can fall into the homophobia that sometimes thrives in some Latine families/homes. Another thing I really appreciated was Reyes's representation of how depression can present itself differently and how good some people are at masking it. This particular part of the book will get your heart going, but I think that the topic was appropriate, especially because it could touch a reader who is quietly struggling. The MC was great and I loved seeing her character growth; especially because it was so imperfect. That fear of not knowing who to trust with one of your biggest secrets and maintaining that self-security one might build from living a life surrounded by those who fight to keep others like you down is very real. I think many will be able to relate to her--especially because of her imperfections. I really enjoyed this book and I think it's an important one for people to check out. I think this is one of those quiet YA books that will be one of those "I can't believe I hadn't read this until now" type of books.

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265. Stay True by Hua Hsu--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I have been reading sooooo many memoirs lately and I'm really here for it. I never thought I would be so intrigued by other peoples' lives and histories. Although this takes place during a time where I was barely alive, I found it fascinating to hear about someone's younger years during some pretty pivotal decades. I also have a soft spot for memoirs that speak about a family's immigration experience--although this time, it was a life story from a first generation immigrant child and not a .5 generation immigrant child. It was fascinating seeing how different his life was when I recall reading histories of others who went to their new countries as children as opposed to children who were born in the new countries. When it got to a certain part, my heart broke for the author. That was such a jarring moment that I had to pause for a second to fully understand what I had just read. This whole memoir felt like a dedication to the subject. It was written in such a compelling way that I couldn't believe it was over when it ended.

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266. A Little Bit Broken by Roz Weston--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Please look for the TWs before you pick this one up! I'm going to be honest, I didn't even know who Roz Weston was before I came across his memoir at work. And because I've been falling in love with memoirs and autobiographies, I HAD to read this one. I wasn't disappointed. Weston has gone through A LOT. Honestly, when he started detailing his self-destructive behaviour and self-worth issues I wasn't wholly surprised. It's incredible to see how put together of an image some people can show off to the world, but inside they're a storm cloud of emotions and experiences they can't voice or even begin to fully comprehend. This was a beautiful, raw, and heartbreaking life story and frankly, good for him for succeeding despite the trauma he faced. I also liked seeing the complicated relationship he had with his dad, even though his dad wasn't like the other dads of the time. I highly recommend you give this a read--especially the audiobook since he narrates the book himself. He has a great voice.

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267. Astrophysics for People in a Hurry by Neil deGrasse Tyson--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I'm not going to lie, I feel like I didn't actually understand most of what I listened to in this audiobook, but Tyson has such a compelling way of teaching his readers that I enjoyed just listening to his words. Definitely recommend this one for anyone who is looking for a great storyteller that teaches you some science about our universe.

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268. Mr. Wrong Number by Lynn Painter--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I had a lot of fun reading this one--especially when it started getting spicy. Not only did we get a great enemies to lovers trope, but we got some hilarious text conversations between two characters with a ridiculous level of chemistry. If you want to giggle and just enjoy some good old fashioned tension, then this might be the next read for you!

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269. Deception by Lee Nichols--⭐️⭐️⭐️

I finally finished this book after having it on my bookshelf for forever and a day. I won't lie--I was thrown off at the beginning because the writing was incredibly juvenile. But as the story progressed, the MC grew and the writing matured a bit more. It got more interesting and I found myself being drawn back to the book more than when I first started it. I think the concept is really interesting and some of the mysteries were great and will most likely lead to an equally entertaining sequel. There were some dumb things here and there that made me roll my eyes, but I'm hoping to see some resolutions regarding those issues in the sequel. I'd recommend this series for those who like ghost stories with a bit of mystery and romance. Just keep in mind that this is an older book, so it might feel a little young (back when YA read younger).

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270. Forever Birchwood by Danielle Daniel--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I went into this a little wary because I wasn't entirely in the mood, but I became more intrigued when I realized when this story is set and when we started going into more detail about the friend group. Though this is set in Canada, it gave me strong NOW & THEN vibes. One of the things I love about these kinds of middle grade books is that some of the situations that would normally be used to create drama in older books are quickly resolved. It was interesting seeing these young girls on the brink of teenhood finding themselves while also trying to save something they love. I think young readers will appreciate and be able to relate to the changes the girls experience and the challenges they face that comes with growing up. Also, it was great to see that this story was set in a place so close to home and featured some great Indigenous representation!

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Happy reading!

[couldbebetterforsure]

Just finished both the Summer Performance and summer break in Jack Jeanne! This game continues to be a ton of fun! Also way more romantic than I originally thought! I know I said last time I prefer more romance in my otome than what I’ve been getting so far but there’s actually a really nice amount of romance (despite the fact Kisa hasn’t been revealed yet). Though I wonder if that’s just because it’s Suzu I’m going after or it’s a matter of my personal preference regarding the romance or something? Anyways I’m having a blast!

I really enjoyed Weekend Lesson, I didn’t think I’d enjoy it as much as The Sleepless King but I got so caught up in it. That’s something I find so enjoyable about Jack Jeanne’s writing. That the writing for the story is already easy to get invested in and enjoyable, but the in universe plays are just as easy to get invested in! Like I wanna know how things work for Kisa and the boys but I also end up being eager to see how things turn out for their play characters and wanna know where their stories go too! Like in Weekend Lesson I got so into Hasekura and Ando’s relationship and was truly moved by their last dance in the play. And I loved seeing Kisa’s take on Mukai (which by the way my girl was FANTASTIC in her first ever Jack role, she earned that gold individual performance award) especially how she changed it last second and still managed to make it work. Also Louis was fun and I’m glad my boy Suzu got an award at last (still annoyed his role as the king in the last play wasn’t awarded though). Also like I said last time I really am seeing Sou getting slowly more frustrated at not being acknowledged or performing at the level Kisa and Suzu are. I think he just needs to get the right role to really shine so I’m hoping whatever the Fall Performance is will give him that.

Based on the instrumentals during the practices I thought Ms. Robin would be my favorite of the three songs but as it turns out We the Great Galleon came out of nowhere and planted itself in my brain. It’s sooooo catchy!!!! And no, I swear that’s not just my Suzu bias at work here 😂 (although once again my boy knocked it out of the park with those vocals) the song itself is really freakin’ good! I can’t wait for my copy of the Jack Jeanne vocal collection to come home! By the way I found out that earlier this year they also released a mini album that has the characters shuffle their roles for a couple songs. I listened to the previews for Fortune Color is Crystal and We the Great Galleon (avoided the others since I haven’t reached them in the game yet and I wanna go in blind) and loved them so much I ordered that album too (it was kinda expensive since it was apparently a limited release but I managed to snag a copy)! Ms. Robin was so pretty and I was so impressed by the song being completely in English, Mitsuki and Kisa did so well! Compass Line was simply gorgeous in both vocals and choreography (Kai and Fumi killed it) and would have easily been my number one if We the Great Galleon wasn’t the catchiest song ever!

Now that I’ve gotten more time to know the characters in Onyx and Rhodonite, I adore them! They’re so refreshing in that yeah they’re all super competitive and striving for the top in this famous theater school, but they’re all also such genuinely sweet people? And super funny I love seeing their antics! I don’t think I have a favorite among them, I sincerely enjoy whenever any of them pop up because they’re all so enjoyable as characters! Mare, Yuki, and Eita are so funny. Tsukasa has such a pleasant way of talking and poor Minorikawa eternally suffers. Ion is so funny and voiced by a favorite VA of mine. Kaido is such a surprising sweetie and Kasai is so interesting. Toichi and Dante are hilarious, and I like how mellow Sugachi is. All this makes me more and more curious to finally meet the members of Amber, we get such brief encounters and mentions of them they’re really building it up. Welp we’ll probably finally get them for the Fall Performance so I can’t wait to see how they’re like, especially compared to their freaky looking plays 😂

The summer break was nice, got to see some nice new backgrounds and classic summer fun! Also got to see my first year Quartz darlings growing as actors by learning about interpretations of roles! The scenes between Suzu and Kisa in both the test of courage and the hot springs managed to be as adorable as they were funny. And that kayak scene!!!! I really did pick the perfect boy, I love him so much!!!!

Anyways before I get to the Fall Performance I actually went and started the game over (yeah doesn’t that sound familiar 😅😅😅) because I learned that if you keep Kisa’s name as is instead of changing it her name will be voiced in the scenes. So I literally am speeding through so I can enjoy having Kisa’s name voiced in the playthrough. At least I get to see some new random events as I go through it all again! Hopefully I can speed through and get back to where I was tonight and then continue my playthrough tomorrow! ✌️

[its-all-honey]

The Umbrella Academy Season 3 ☂️

i last week finished watching the third season woo !! i used to be so obsessed with tua after watching season 1 that i even ended up getting all the volumes of the comics 😅 after watching season 3 i also reread all the comics back to back in like one sitting lol (spoilers for both the show and the comics coming up 🫣)

im gonna try my best to not make this sound super confusing when i talk about both season 3 of the show and volume 3 of the comics lol ------------------------------- the comic ---------------------------------so i went into season 3 having not previously read the 3rd volume of the comics meaning i had no idea what would happen, though i did know that the idea of hotel obsidian/oblivion was based off the comics BUT!! i found that the 3rd season of the show practically had nothing to do with the comics other than the title 😭 the plots of the show and comics across all seasons and volumes are both very different and season 3 was the most unlike its corresponding comic. one of the main differences being that the sparrow academy are only introduced at the end of volume 3 of the comics so i honestly dont know where the whole storyline for the 3rd season of the show came from i personally found the plot of the 3rd volume of the comic quite confusing and hard to follow as the perspectives and locations kept changing a lot so im actually rather glad that they chose not to portray the events of this comic in the show. that being said, i did like how each of umbrella siblings had their own storylines/adventures that they were on. probably my favourite storyline in the comics is vanya's ongoing recovery from volume one of the comics and also the pairing of five and allison which happens throughout the comics. i also like that luther and diego's rivalry is present across the comics. ------------------------------- the show --------------------------------- in the show, i find the characters to be much more likeable and more full of personality compared to the comics so season 3 did not disappoint in that respect. it was cool to see aspects of the comics continue to be translated into the show for example allison's reluctance to use her powers is a big thing in both medias AND IM SO GLAD THAT KLAUS FINALLY GOT TO USE THE FULL POTENTIAL OF HIS POWERS IN THE SHOW 😭😭😭 all the other character progression among the umbrella siblings is great as well!!! (we love senior citizen five) i liked the sparrows though some of them did not get much screen time and a few of their powers were a bit lame in my opinion 💀 (marcus and alphonso i am looking at you, sorry not sorry) i love love LOVE fei tho she is sooooo coool and christopher being just a random floating cube is so silly to me plus if you think about it, um some woman gave birth to that?!?!?!?! seeing sparrow ben just get subtly accepted by the umbrella siblings was so sweet like they were lowkey all just so happy to see ben again even if he's different. OH AND SPEAKING OF ACCEPTING!!!!! VIKTOR HARGREEVES 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 madddd props to the producers/writers of the show for giving elliot page a trans character and doing it in such a good way ❤️❤️❤️❤️ im so obsessed with all the different sibling reactions to viktor (also vanya in the comics has short hair sooooooo) ok so a few things i didnt like so much was first of all, luther and sloane romance felt really forced to me and a bittttt weird but ive seen people say that luther was in his himbo era during season 3 so honestly i'll let it slide. secondly there's lila who i disliked in season 2 but then she shows up with stan and i loved stan he was so silly!!!! BUT THEN lila is suddenly actually pregnant😭???? idk man, it gotta hella crazy. um thirdly (this is gonna be a really hot take but hear me out), i know its the whole point of the show and its a reoccurring thing that happens but all this end of the world/apocalypse business is kindaaa boring now 🧍 i guess it does happen differently in each season so its not completely repetitive everytime and i must say that this time was actually my favourite end of the world lol hopefully, the finally season will resolve everything nicely but only time will tell i suppose 👁️👁️. im actually gonna shut up now though because this is getting so long and while i could go on and on about tua im gonna have to stop 😭