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aurae-rori · 5 months

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DR RATIO ANALYSIS

SPOILERS FOR 2.1 CONTENT!

Now, you might be saying - "Aurae, Oh No! and Are You Satisfied? are much too basic songs to analyze Dr. Ratio to! Just because he's a scholar doesn't mean that he has academic trauma!" WRONG! Before we start, I have been researching psychology for approximately six years and I plan to go into it professionally. HOWEVER, that said, I am NOT a professional (YET. One day I will be. Yay for Aurae!) so understand that everything I come to conclusions about has been analyzed with some personal judgement, personal interpretations, and this is just what I have concluded with the info that I have deconstructed from his brain. If you disagree, that's fine!

I will be pulling from my own experiences with being a "golden" and "gifted" child, as well as the experiences I've had speaking to other people who were those. I will also be pulling from my experiences of researching and seeing how people with superiority complexes work, as well as diving into how those work (from what I've seen, as well as how they conceal a lack of self-esteem).

OKAY, NOW THAT THAT LONG AHH DISCLAIMER IS OVER, ALLOW ME TO WORK MY PSYCH ENJOYER MAGIC! Let's deconstruct Dr. Ratio like a lego toy.

Let's start off with how Dr. Ratio presents himself. When you first meet him, he seems like a haughty, arrogant asshole. He likes to PRESENT himself as a stoic, superior scholar who is purely in it to win it, and I got total "*stares down at your tiny body and laughs at how you lack knowledge*" vibes at the very start, due to how he goes around calling people idiots all the time. However, he DOES lose the idgaf war, and we can very quickly see that he does care for other people, even if in his own, strange way. Dr Ratio presentation: An asshole. The reality?

His entire character is based around the idea of helping the masses. He wishes to spread knowledge through the cosmos and give people who didn't have access to it, access. He's a harsh teacher, and calling people 'idiots' is NOT the way to motivate them, but he's doing his best™.

Actually, no, I'm going to go full psych into this. Okay, so here starts the Dr. Ratio and my FATHER COMPARISONS. My father is a professor and he is often called a harsh grader by his students. However, I've spoken to him multiple times because I was curious - why is he so harsh and diligent with his grading system? The answer is - he wants them to actually learn. When he's grading, he gives them harsh marks because he wants them to know exactly where they messed up, and he's always willing to stay after hours to help students understand where they can't. My father also is an enjoyer of knowledge, and for as long as I've remembered, he has prioritized teaching me how to think critically. He wants me to be able to think for myself - and I think that's what Dr. Ratio wants, too. He wants for his students to be able to fully comprehend and absorb the information that he teaches, and although his methods are harsh, he genuinely wants to help. My father's like this too - he hates students that waste his time or aren't here because their hearts are in it. Dr. Ratio hates people who aren't taking their education seriously because knowledge is important. Knowledge is a tool, and to disregard it completely is lowkey kind of insulting - especially when there are people who weren't privileged enough to actually get it, so this isn't something that you should take for granted. Dr. Ratio despises people who take knowledge for granted.

Also, I disagree with the claims that say that Dr. Ratio hates the genius society. He shows open respect for them in his voice lines. Just check them if you need proof. Also, I'll delve into the idea of Aeons and recognition later.

Now that we’ve established that Dr. Ratio kins my dad, let’s let's tackle the 'stoic' allegations. He is LOSING the idgaf war. Like, really badly. He has a temper of a thousand suns and snaps at people frequently, despite his 'impassive' face, his tone holds a LOT of emotion. He seems to feel very deeply and has a shit ton of empathy for others - why else would he be dedicating his entire career to helping others? Of course, he doesn't express this in 'typical' ways of being openly kind - but it doesn't mean that he doesn't care for other people. In fact, he seems to be pretty good at putting himself in the shoes of others and understanding them - expressed in the 2.1 quest where he tells Aventurine to tell him if he can't hold on any longer. Also, he loses the IDGAF war because he is actively trying to help people who want to learn and trying to spread logic and knowledge across the cosmos to those who didn't have it before. Would a man who didn't GAF do that? No!

Now that we've covered his view on knowledge and the way that he presents himself, let's turn to the way that he SEES himself. Now, this is where we get into the nitty gritty of gifted child trauma & academic trauma as well as crippling expectations. It's literally explicitly said in his character stories that he sees himself as mediocre, and it's canon that he doesn't have a good view of himself. His self-esteem is down in the fucking trenches along with my sanity as I write this analysis. The reality is - being called a genius your whole life doesn't really make you feel better about yourself. I'd know. I was. In fact, it makes you feel fucking worse when you can't live up to an expectation. We all fail in life. It's part of being human. But when you're held to such high standards - idolized for your knowledge and the way that you're 'gifted' - the crash comes really fucking hard. Failure is inevitable, and when people who are held on that pedestal experience it, they take it really bad.

The reality is that nobody - not even geniuses - are perfect, but you grow up believing that you are. Then, when you fail for the first time, it all comes tumbling down. The first time I came home with a bad grade was one of the most humiliating moments of my life. I hadn't studied because I was arrogant and I thought that I was smart enough to pass without putting any extra effort into it - because I was a 'gifted' child, right? I should've been able to do it without studying like the other kids. And that's the thing with gifted children – you grow reliant on that title. You cling onto it for dear life for motivation, as well as self-perception. Little by little, the person you are falls apart as you slave away to the perception other people have of you. I think basically every gifted child that I've ever spoken to is a victim of this – and of course, you can heal from this mindset - but it's a hard one to shake.

Ratio's way of presenting himself as being a 'genius' and 'arrogant' also seems to contradict the way that he calls himself 'mundane' at the same time. However, these are two mindsets that can coexist. One part of you believes that you are a genius and that you are perfect, while the other part is crumbling and calling yourself good-for-nothing every time you make a mistake. It's a tiring cycle to live in. This usually leads to people shutting themselves out and closing themselves off after living like that, pushing back your own feelings in favour of being the perfect child. However, we don't know the exact details of Dr. Ratio's childhood, but we can infer that he was held to a pedestal, and this is a very harmful mindset for a child to have.

His superiority complex comes both from how other people view him, but it's a way to cope with his crippling lack of self-esteem. I'm sorry my guy. Also helping others probably helps him feel like he's worth something and makes him feel better because he bases his entire worth off of what he can do and how he can help others. However, this is just my personal interpretation backed by what I have already deconstructed.

In general, this is an easy way to crush self-esteem. You spend your whole life working to meet the image of what other people think you are. In fact, another reason why Dr. Ratio might be so harsh is because that’s the kind of attitude he holds towards himself when conducting research – he’s as hard on himself as he is to others. You end up hating the idea of failure, instead of seeing it as it should be - a way to improve and grow. Actually, I think this could be a reason that he went out of his way to break that illusion of 'worshipping geniuses' in the Space Station. Maybe some sort of childhood connection? Personal connection? In his endeavour to spread more knowledge and make people think for themselves and not blindly follow geniuses, to wake them up and let them think for themselves - maybe, somewhere, in there, he's helping that little child that was almost dehumanized for his intelligence. TLDR: Conflicting mindsets due to trauma, brain vs heart almost - his knowledge that he is a genius vs the crippling lack of his self worth.

Now that we've established Dr. Ratio's self worth, let's take a look at the impact Aeons had on him. Nous, the Aeon of Knowledge itself. I think in a world where the Gods are real, tangible beings that you can reach out and talk to - it makes sense that someone with high ambition and someone who's been called a genius his whole life would seek the confirmation of Nous. When you're a man of knowledge, and you've spent your whole life working with it, being praised for it – it feels natural to look for a god to look down upon you and bless you, right? The Genius Society – it should house him, because he is a genius as well, right? Imagine this – you have been called a genius your whole life, held to that kind of pedestal for so long, and now you wait for the recognition of the Gods. Because if you truly are a genius – then surely, a higher being will recognize your intelligence, right?

The invitation never comes.

And then, comes the doubt.

What if I'm really not a genius? What if everything I've worked for is a lie? Aeons are beings that are 'absolute'. If the god of Knowledge won't accept you or even cast a glance upon you, does that mean that everything was wrong. Gods see more than humans, after all. Gods know more than humans - and that spiral... I think you can see if. (If you don't let me know. I will ramble about how a failure like that can make you spiral down into a worse mindset).

However, the reason why Ratio was never invited to the Genius Society is simple. It’s because he LOSES THE IDGAF WAR. Now, if we look at all the people we know who are in the Genius Society - we find one thing in common. They’re in it to win it for themselves. They don’t help others using the knowledge that they’ve gotten - they use it to pursue shit for themselves. The people of the Genius Society are inherently self-serving. They WIN the idgaf war. Ratio LOSES. Do we see now?

Ratio’s empathy is the reason why he wasn’t let in. He is too human. Nous is a computer. Herta is detached from people. Ruan Mei is literally looking at life as test subjects. Screwllum is a robot.

OUR DOCTOR MAN LOST THE IDGAF WAR, BECAUSE HE IS HUMAN AND FEELS FOR OTHERS!!!

Also, it’s a plausible theory that Nous’s definition of ‘genius’ is different from the human definition of ‘genius’ – it’s a computer, after all. Who knows what’s going on in that code head of its.

However, we still love you Ratio. Never stop losing the IDGAF war.

TLDR: Nous is a computer. It is also in it to win it. It is also self serving. It gazes upon the hoes who are here to win it for themselves. Ratio is busy serving the masses and cooking knowledge in his frying pan. To it, there is no logical reason to be doing this. Therefore, no reason to invite this guy to the Genius Society.

Ratio’s gifted child trauma says otherwise. He wants in. Why wouldn’t he? He’s been working his whole life as a genius.

Nous is like… nah bro, you care too much. Ratio is like, ‘what the fuck?’ And then the AEON OF KNOWLEDGE GOES FOR THE MILK.

Okay, now, quick shoutout to Ratio wanting to help others. He is just like me fr. SO BASICALLY, RECAP OF EVERYTHING I JUST SAID:

Ratio LOSES the idgaf war because he cares about other people. Spent his whole life as the golden egg, and then turns to the gods for recognition because of the inherent trauma of being a child genius. He goes, "hey bro, can you confirm that I am in fact a genius?" and Nous goes, "no, you are too busy cheffing for the masses." Ratio goes, "what the fuck?" and then we collectively realize his attitude comes from blocking off his feelings (while failing miserably), being salty about not being recognized, being put on a pedestal for his whole life, and his crippling depression *cough* lack of self worth *cough*.

Oh, and the "I will never be enough" thought train probably hits him every single day. He is not enough to be recognized by a God. Gods are superior to humans. Maybe nothing has worth after all. Hey, that's Nihility! Hi IX, let's hear what you have to say.

*muffled ix noises*

I see, I see.

The consensus is: HE'S TRAUMATIZED BY EXPECTATIONS! HE WILL PROBABLY SUFFER FROM BURNT OUT GIFTED CHILD IF HE HAS NOT ALREADY!

Okay, now, before I delve into song lyrics (and I KNOW this has been long, just bear with me) I want to talk a little bit (read: a lot) about his relationship with Aventurine. We all know that he cares about Aventurine in his own way. But I want to pull in another idea that I didn’t cover before:

Ratio’s fucking emotional constipation.

Basically, the reason why he has trouble connecting with others is because he was most likely alienated by others as a symptom of being called a genius and being put on a pedestal. This makes him seem unapproachable to his peers, most likely, and therefore, as a result, doesn’t know how to properly connect with others. This just makes his way of presenting affection and care to others even more challenging – because he just doesn’t know how to do it in a healthy and clear way. Academic trauma causing emotional problems, because he’s probably a little bit out of touch with his own. Processing? No! Research. Also, this is very important for understanding Ratio’s character in my opinion, because he’s just a little guy who doesn’t know how to articulate. Maybe he’s got a touch of the ‘tism. Tism mutuals, do we agree or disagree?

However, in comes Aventurine. Love Aventurine, but they are both emotionally constipated. Aventurine displays his affection in ways that Ratio probably only catches after re-analyzing their time together about five times. He’s also a very closed off individual – but Ratio knows this. A cute thing is that Ratio is patient where he needs to be, even if he’s generally a pretty hot-headed guy, and I’m like… bro… that letter… “I wish you the best of luck”... I will wait for you…. GAY ASS MAN…

Sorry the Aventio demons took over. Anyway, what I’m trying to say here is that they both have nonverbal communication with one another that they clearly decipher and Ratio obviously cares for him (he came back and almost jeopardized the plan just for the sake of his ‘coworker’... okay gayboy…) and they just have such a neat little dynamic… Aventurine lets Dr. Ratio do his thing… understands his emotional alienation to a degree…. they’re so neat….

Okay, Aventurine segment over. NOW, FINALLY, WE CAN GET TO THE SONG LYRICS!!! YAY!!!! We all cheered!!!

We are going to be here for two more amber eras, because I realized I actually want to analyze every single lyric from both of these songs. Brace yourself for like, 2k more words. Help.

I think it’s only proper that we start off with ‘Oh No!’ the song that has haunted me since my childhood.

“Don’t do love, don’t do friends

I’m only after success

Don’t need a relationship

I’ll never soften my grip”

Remember when I mentioned that alienation was a big part of Ratio lore? Yeah, that manifests itself in this. When you spend your entire life chasing after knowledge and being held to that standard of untouchable genius, it makes sense that you couldn’t connect with others and that you turn your gaze only to success. Therefore, relationships that are interpersonal lose meaning for a bit – you’re just looking for answers and ways to help them, not connect with them. Also, this is what he wants to do – so he’s never going to pass down an opportunity to better himself or to help someone else.

“Don’t want cash, don’t want card

Want it fast, want it hard

Don’t need money, don’t need fame

I just want to make a change

I just wanna change, I just wanna change”

This is directly alluding to his reasonings for distributing knowledge across the cosmos. Was he based on this song? Maybe he was. He’s not looking for money or fame, his ultimate goal is actually pretty selfless – to bring knowledge and give people the tools they need to think for themselves. He just wants to make a change – he just wants people to be able to have access to knowledge and help cure ‘stupidity’. He wants to do it as quickly as possible, always reaching for lofty goals that might seem impossible, but he will make them possible.

“I know exactly what I want and who I want to be

I know exactly why I walk and talk like a machine

I’m now becoming my own self-fulfilled prophecy

Oh! Oh no! Oh no! Oh no, oh!”

Ratio knows his goal. He knows what he’s working towards. I do believe that he understands why he is the way that he is – he has a degree in Psychology, after all. He knows how he’s been hurt but at the same time, the trauma brain probably doesn’t want to recognize it and he hasn’t stepped into healing yet. He knows what he went through impacted him, but he’s too busy helping others to help himself. He’s becoming what he wants to be, and yet he’s not, all at the same time – which causes the idea of “oh no!” as a kind of cry for help, almost. He’s too proud to ask for it himself, of course, so he’ll fall alone until someone manages to catch him and give him the strength to continue holding on. Aventurine is that.

“One track mind, one track heart

If I fail, I’ll fall apart

Maybe it is all a test

‘Cause I feel like I’m the worst

So I always act like I’m the best”

Now, these are the exact lyrics that made me associate this song with Ratio in the first place. He’s got a singular goal that he will do nothing to stop at getting, that he goes so far to get to. However, as I mentioned earlier, failure is not an option for those who were deemed gifted or genius. You are perfect, so therefore you must live up to everyone’s every expectation and surpass them, too, in order to keep your perception of yourself intact. Ratio does not hold himself in high regard, but acts arrogant in order to hold himself together and not fall to the self-deprecating thoughts, even if they fall through the cracks. It gets tiring to hold yourself together like that for a long time, you know?

“I’m gonna live, I’m gonna fly

I’m gonna fail, I’m gonna die

I’m gonna live, I’m gonna fly

I’m gonna fail, I’m gonna die”

Remember how I was talking about contradictory mindsets and how they can coexist. This is them. The feeling of crippling self-hatred and lack of self esteem versus the idea that you can do it, you can make a difference – you were born a genius, this is what you’re going to do. This is the knowledge that you are a genius vs the lack of self-esteem that Ratio has. “Mediocre” vs “genius” mindset, eh?

All the other lyrics in this song are repetitions of what I’ve analyzed before, so let’s move onto “Are you Satisfied?”

To be honest, there are only a few lines in this song that allow me to connect it to Ratio, so therefore, I will only be analyzing them. However, if you think that other lyrics can connect to him, I’d be interested in knowing how.

“What you’re gonna be

It’s not my problem if you don’t see what I see

And I do not give a damn if you don’t believe

My problem, it’s my problem that I never am happy

It’s my problem, it’s my problem on how fast I will succeed”

Pretending to not care about how the world sees you is so fucking real. Sometimes, you really don’t give a shit, and sometimes it’s all you can think about. Ratio… doesn’t seem like he’s the happiest person. He works himself hard and he’s always chasing after a goal that must be exhausting. He’s always doing his best, and I think even with his empathy, it’s easy to start not giving a shit after trying for so long and so hard. Accepting help is one of the hardest things that anybody can do, especially with how much pride he has. His personal problems are his personal problems and he can deal with them on his own.

“High achiever, don’t you see?

Baby, nothing comes for free

They say I’m a control freak

Driven by a greed to succeed

Nobody can stop me”

Nothing comes for free. A lot of the things Ratio has achieved is due to his own intelligence, yes, but also because of a shit ton of hard work. His goal is literally to cure the universe of ‘stupidity’ – and that’s a pretty large fucking goal. He is a high achiever who likes to know the details of every situation when he can in order to try and make things better, and he is driven by a greed to succeed. Why wouldn’t he be? Success is important, and success means helping more people. He isn’t going to allow himself to be stopped by anybody – not even anybody from the Genius society.

Okay, and we have finally reached the end of my analysis! This caps at around 4k words, so if you stuck around for this long, thank you so much. I would love to hear any of your comments, and I hope you laughed a little bit. Thank you again! This means so much to me that you read. <3

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buckyownsmylife · 3 months

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a higher place - august walker smut

The one where a misunderstanding leads you into where you belong: August's arms.

WC: 1.5k

Warnings: jealousy, misunderstandings, crude language, possessiveness, kind of knife play, dub!con if you squint (since reader is so willing), kind of public play? (they’re in a bar, but there’s no one else around), daddy kink, spanking, orgasm control, unprotected sex (don’t do it!), creampie.

A/N: a special thanks to my dearly beloved @sparkledfirecracker who read this over ages ago and helped me make this a better read! Your comments were right on the spot and your reactions are always so motivating!

Y/N’s P.O.V.

“Whose shirt are you wearing?” The question took me by surprise, especially since I didn’t expect it to come from that rough, sexy voice I’d come to know so well. I didn’t even process it, not expecting to hear anything in the empty bar since the last call had been almost an hour ago. I’d been alone to close the place since Peter helped me kick out the last drunk guys causing mayhem.

“August?” I asked, letting go of the glasses I had been wiping and turning around to find the familiar man that was a regular long before I’d even started working in it. “It’s been so long, how have you been?”

His eyebrows furrowed, confusion evident even if it didn’t make sense to me. I used the rag over my shoulder to wipe my hands as I got out from behind the bar to approach him.

“August?” I repeated, now my own eyebrows furrowed as I stared up at the man towering over me, his chest heaving as if he was struggling with some intense emotion that I caused him. His eyes were fixated on my breasts. I would have believed that to be the case had I been wearing anything with a neckline, but since it was nothing more than a regular loose t-shirt, his obsession didn’t seem to make any sense.

“Are you fucking anyone?” The question caught me off guard: it didn’t help me understand what was going on or where it had come from. Even though August and I had become friendly over the time since I started working here, it was way more of a shared sense of comfort brought by him defending me from sleazy customers than any actual attempts on his part to become close to me in any way.

I’d even started to talk myself down from the stupid, silly crush I’d been harboring for him. He was a man, an attractive, intimidating man, who could have anyone he wanted. What would he ever see in a simple bartender who had only ever been with one guy her entire life?

“No, I’m not,” I decided to clear out, once and for all, even though I didn’t understand why he wanted to know and wasn’t particularly fond of the tone he used to ask me about that. “Don’t see how that’s any of your business, though.”

I turned my back to him, decided to return to my position behind the bar, hoping the barrier of the battered wood between us would help realize his questions sounded invasive and didn’t make sense to me, but before I could do that, a calloused, strong hand gripped my elbow, stopping me before I could get too far.

August’s much larger body was pressed tightly against my back, stopping me from turning around and checking on him again, and my heartbeat was thundering inside my chest, the adrenaline suddenly getting to me. What the hell was going on?

Even despite his unusual behavior, I didn’t fear him. It wasn’t terror that filled my veins, rudely awakening my senses, begging my body to stand in alert. It was anxiety, sure, but mostly anticipation.

Something inside of me knew this was different, and was hoping for a good kind of different. The type that would end up recreating one of the many dirty dreams I’d had about the man behind me ever since we had met.

“But I want it to be my business,” he spoke low against the shell of my ear. I could feel every hard muscle of his being pressed against me, especially once his hands wrapped around my body, squeezing me against him.

“So I’ll ask you one more time.” I whimpered when his hand grabbed my jaw, turning my face to the side so he could better speak against my ear. “Whose shirt are you wearing?”

Trembling, I at last confessed, “It’s Chris’” immediately latching on to an explanation. “I spilled beer all over mine earlier, and he had this in his locker, so he lent it to me.”

August’s sharp inhale resonated across the empty bar, adding to the cocktail of emotions that had me drenching my panties when I felt the edge of a knife being slowly pressed against my thigh, his smile against my shoulder.

“I knew you wouldn’t just fall in someone else’s arms.” I whimpered when a flick of his wrist reduced the shirt I was wearing into nothing but scraps of fabric, laid out on the floor. “I knew you felt it too, this connection between us.”

He turned me around in his arms, both hands cradling my face even with the knife still in his hands. I should probably run, but I already knew it was too late for me.

I’d succumbed to his desires.

“I’m gonna make you mine now, darling.” My knees faltered at the pet name, and he had to support my body as the hand holding the knife traveled downward until it reached my jeans. He made quick work of it too. I heard the knife drop to the floor before his fingers were opening me up, getting me ready for the monster of a cock I could feel straining against its confines as he rutted against me.

“I need you to cum for me quick,” he ordered, provoking a whimper as I grew weaker and weaker for the man who now took me for himself. “Can’t hold back from you anymore, doll. Kept trying to admire from a distance, but seeing you tonight in another man’s clothes… made me realize I could never live with myself if I didn’t make sure you’d never belong to another man, ever again.”

I didn’t want anyone else, just him. And I made sure to let him know, “I only want you, August.” The pointy edge of the knife suddenly pressing against my hip, I gasped, my arms wrapped around the back of his neck.

“Daddy,” he corrected, making me even wetter for him, the sounds of my juices as he finger fucked me making my head swirl. This was my place of work, and here I was, being violated in it in the best of ways.

“Daddy”, I repeated, moaning in delight at his idea of a reward, when he dropped the knife on the floor and took my breasts in his other hand, quickening the pace of his fingers inside of me as he buried his face against the crook of my neck, his mustache tickling me.

“Cum, now.” It was an order, and I would be crazy not to follow it, especially with how hard he was making it for me not to do exactly as he said. My legs faltered underneath me, but he didn’t let me fall, holding me to his strong body until he could drop me over the bar, keeping my legs dangling in front of him.

“Good girl…” The compliment paired with the sounds of his belt unbuckling hard me trembling in anticipation. The feeling of August’s cock spearing me open was enough to have me believing I’d cum yet again, this time practically untouched.

That was, until his hand settled over my ass, spanking me loudly as the other pulled on my hair, making sure he got my attention. “Don’t… fucking… cum.”

Every word was punctuated by a harsh thrust, right against my sweet spot. He didn’t give me any time to get used to his considerable size, made even more considerable by the gentle pressure of the wood against my stomach, making me feel each drag of his cock against my inner walls.

“You will wait for me, kitten. I’ve already let you cum once, so I could fit my cock in this tight wet hole, but now, you must ask me for permission if you want to cum.” August panted over me, his pace never faltering as I heard him climb that mountain of desire, eager to meet me at the top. “I control your pleasure now. Got it?”

My response was a screeched “Yes, daddy!” followed by a succession of “Please, let me cum! Please, please, let me cum.” August grunted a few more times, his cock fucking me in a brutal pace, before he finally allowed me to cum.

“Alright, doll. Cum with me, cum with me, c’mon.” The feeling of his warm spurts of cum filling me up brought me to my own release. Much to my surprise, August didn’t stay inside of me for long, opting to pull out and watch the mess of us both run down between my thighs, the look in his eyes making it seem like he thought it was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

“Looking like a perfect mess, kitten,” he commented, smirking because he was the cause of it. “Let me get you home and clean you up. And then mess you all up again.”

Gathering me in his hands, he cradled my face between his palms so he could whisper, “I’m gonna make you so happy.” And I didn’t doubt that for a second.

#my fics #august walker smut #august walker #smut #august walker x reader #august walker reader

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anneapocalypse · 4 months

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Tired of the false dichotomy between "you should create for yourself without desiring any form of connection" and "feedback is everything and without it there's no reason to create." Neither of these things are wholly true, and it's frustrating to me that people have taken "create for yourself" to mean "you shouldn't want feedback or enjoy it, you should create in a vacuum with no hope of human connection" and are lashing back against what they think it's saying rather than what it's actually saying. I love comments and feedback and connecting with my readers as much as anyone and would never discount the value of that experience and I try to be the kind of engaged reader I would want to have because I know how much it means. I especially know how much it means to a niche creator because I've been that creator myself and I so treasure the readers who took a chance, gave my stuff a try, and stopped to say something supportive about it.

But that's also exactly the thing: the things I want to write are often things that do not in any way guarantee me an audience, but they're what I enjoy, and creating for myself is what gets me through those long first drafts where I know there is no guarantee of an audience because the reality is I'm choosing to write this thing and nobody owes me a readership. Internal motivation matters because there are parts of the creative process where internal motivation is all you have. I've seen people give up or nearly give up on projects that probably would have found an audience, if a niche one, because they convinced themselves that nobody would care and then couldn't motivate themselves to care. Or they decided that a small audience wasn't good enough; they need their work to be Popular or it was worth nothing.

And if someone doesn't want to invest themselves in creating something that might have a small audience, well, that's their choice. But creativity is inherently an act of risk, and a lot of amazing art would never be made if the creator wasn't willing to risk silence, rejection, loneliness. Yeah, those things suck. I'm not saying they don't, that's why it's a risk. But art isn't always about safety. Sometimes it's about creating because you simply have to get this thing out of your head, and you hope someone will connect with it, but you don't know until you try. So everything can't be external motivation. It just can't be. It's too limiting, it's too stifling. I can't live that way, personally.

#writing stuff #it's tough to talk about self motivation #because people will hear 'create for yourself' and be like 'so you want me to die?'#listen if it works for you it's not my place to tell you otherwise #but it usually comes up because people are unmotivated and unhappy #so.#idk do what works for you at the end of the day #but i just want people to understand #self-motivation isn't about rejecting connection #it's just about being willing to trust in your own mind and enjoy the process and take risks #and if you say 'well i don't enjoy the process' then that might be something else to reflect on

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sluttywonwoo · 9 months

Text

instead of you [part thirty-six] || l.mh

pairing: [best friend’s brother] lee minho x college!reader ft. han jisung

summary: you didn’t expect to spend your summer pretending to be your best friend’s girlfriend- then again, you didn’t expect to fall for your best friend’s brother, either.

warnings: swearing, alcohol

word count: 3k

a/n: revamped my tom holland series from my main blog ( @wazzupmrstark ) to try and motivate myself to finish it!!

“Nice hat.”

You gave Minho a sideways look. “Really?”

“Yeah, it’s cute.”

You tipped the brim at him, grinning. “Thank you. Jisung picked it out.”

“He has good taste.”

You weren’t sure how to respond to the double entendre so you didn’t, choosing instead to direct your attention forward, where your fake boyfriend was teeing up.

Back at school, Jisung had gone off to play golf with a few of your mutual friends once or twice, but it was an expensive hobby, and as broke college students, they couldn’t exactly make a habit out of it. For a little while, Jisung worked as an assistant chef at a nearby country club for a couple of months which allowed him free access to their course in his off time, but juggling the job and his studies quickly became too much to handle and he couldn’t even keep up with his responsibilities, let alone have any free time to take advantage of the course.

Considering how long it had been since he last played, you weren’t expecting much from Jisung’s first swing, but when he stuck the golf ball with his club, it actually went relatively far. Of course, you didn’t have much knowledge of the sport to go off of when it came to gauging how well he was actually doing, but from the looks on his brothers’ faces, you assumed he’d done pretty well.

“Good job!” you cheered, running up to your best friend and kissing him on the cheek. “That was good right?”

He caught you with an arm around your waist and pulled you close. “Thanks, baby. It wasn’t bad, but it could have been better.”

“Whatever, you’re just being humble.”

“He’s not,” Felix piped up from behind the two of you. “Let me show you how a real golfer plays.”

You rolled your eyes in unison with Jisung but stepped back to let Felix tee up anyway, both watching as he took a couple of practice swings.

“How much do you want to bet he comes in last?” Jisung muttered in your ear.

“I’m not willing to go bankrupt over this, sorry.”

Jisung snorted and tried to muffle his laugh in your shoulder but it was still loud enough for his twin to hear.

“Oi! I don’t want to hear it when you’re up thirty points over me.”

“Yeah, we’ll see, Lix,” Jisung scoffed. “Just swing already! We don’t have all day, mate.”

Felix shot his brother a look but did as he was told. He rolled his shoulders and focused in on the ball, huffing out a breath and drawing the club back over his shoulder. He put more power into his swing than Jisung had but hit the ball with the edge of the clubhead instead of the center which sent it flying a little off to the left. From what you could see, the ball still landed on the pitch. It hadn’t gone into the trees or the lake, it was just in a trickier spot to clear.

“What was that you were saying about points?” Jisung asked smugly.

Felix groaned and turned back around to argue with him as Minho came up and took his place at the starting point.

“It’s going to be a long day, isn’t it?” you muttered to Minho.

He gave you a tight half-smile and shrugged. “You have no idea.”

It had only been an hour since the boys started and you didn’t think you’d ever heard so many insults and curse words thrown around in such a short amount of time, which was saying something.

Jisung, Felix, and Minho were all neck and neck with each other, with Dom far ahead of all three of them.

The course itself was beautiful. It was just across the street from the resort you were staying at, right on the edge of the water. You were able to see the ocean from the tops of the faux hills on the green, sparkling with the reflection of the sun. The waves were dotted with little boats and surfers all enjoying the good weather and making the most out of the afternoon.

You would have been content to spend all day there if it wasn’t so hot and you weren’t forced to stand around listening to your best friend argue with his brothers.

“How many more holes are there?” you asked Nikki, leaning over and whispering quietly so that the others wouldn’t hear you.

“Too many.”

“Kill me now.”

“Why don’t we get ourselves a drink when the cart girl comes around? It’ll make the time go faster.”

You grinned. “I like the way you think.”

You weren’t a stranger to day drinking, not by a long shot, but you didn’t want to get too sloppy while the sun was still up. You had long since given up on the little pact you’d made with yourself not to drink for the remainder of the trip— not that you’d ever really followed it in the first place. Nikki got herself a High Noon when the aforementioned cart girl came by, so you did the same, insisting on covering the tab for both of you.

“Please?” you practically begged. “It’s literally the least I can do after everything you’ve done for me.”

She seemed to think about it for a minute. “Fine. I’ll let you do it this one time. But don’t get used to it.”

You did a little dance in celebration and handed over some cash to the cart girl after she popped the tabs on both of your cans.

“Want anything?” you called to the boys. “It’s on me!”

Felix was the only one to take you up on the offer, both Minho and Jisung making a fuss about not spending your money on them. Where was this attitude back at school? you asked yourself, scoffing at Jisung’s refusal.

“I’m in the lead, I can’t afford to lower my inhibitions now!” Dom said. “But when I win, I’ll treat you to a pint, even though you’re canoodling with one of my opponents.”

“I’m starting to think you guys have something against me,” you accused the two non-participants as you handed Felix his beer. “What, do you think I’m broke?”

“We’re just gentlemen,” Minho said pointedly, shooting Felix a look.

“You are broke,” Jisung muttered.

“Watch it,” you shot, waving your drink at him. “You’re not getting a sip now.”

“Babe, I didn’t want a sip to begin with.”

“Okay, well even if you change your mind you can’t have one.”

He laughed and shook his head at the ground, walking back over to the teeing-off point with his hands on his hips.

Nikki was right, the afternoon did indeed pass a lot quicker with drinks in your hands. They kept you cool in the heat of the sun and the alcohol made the hours blend into each other.

In the latter half of the game, you started to pay more attention. You had finally begun to pick up what was good and what was bad from everyone else’s reactions to the shots and could actually tell for yourself.

“Baby, can you switch this out for the driver?” Jisung asked, holding his current club out to you.

“Which one is that?”

“The big one.”

You selected the club he described and passed it to him, taking the one he’d just used to put back in the golf bag. He kissed you when you met him in the middle to swap the two, smiling against you when he noticed Minho looking on.

“Sorry, couldn’t help it,” he whispered in your ear. “It’s too fun to fuck with him.”

Confused, you turned around to see what he was talking about only to see Minho standing a few feet away with his tongue in his cheek.

“Thanks, baby,” Jisung said, putting his hand on the small of your back to remind you of what you were doing. “You make a cute caddy.”

Minho mumbled something under his breath that you didn’t catch but you figured that was probably for the best.

After golf, you hung out with Jisung’s family at the pool for a few hours before heading back up to the rooms to get ready for dinner.

“Do we need to dress nice?” you asked.

Jisung peeked out from the bathroom to answer you, shaking his wet hair dry with a towel.

“Uh, not like nice, nice but nicer than just jeans.”

“Okay, I can do that.”

You turned back to your open suitcase and rifled through it in search of something that fit the dress code.

“By the way, where did you go last night?”

“With Minho?”

“Yeah, you were gone for like hours. I fell asleep and then woke up randomly and you still weren’t back.”

“Minho took me to some beach.”

“Did you have sex with him?”

You looked up. “Yeah. Why?”

Jisung shrugged. “Just wondering.”

You could tell he wanted to say more but you didn’t push. If you did, you’d only be hurting your own feelings. He had told you that himself. Jisung had been very clear that he wasn’t ready to talk about the Minho thing with you so all you could do was be honest and answer the questions that he asked, even if it was awkward and uncomfortable.

You were so used to guilt by now that you almost didn’t notice the fresh wave that washed over you. You knew it was wrong to still sleep with Minho after everything— hell, you knew it was wrong before everything, but neither of those facts stopped you from doing it.

You realized Jisung was still looking at you so you shook it off and picked up a random sundress from your luggage.

“How’s this for tonight?”

“Looks good to me.”

An hour later, you and the rest of the Hans were seated around a table in a dimly lit restaurant. The sundress had been the right choice. The place was right on the water and open to the outdoor air so all of the other patrons were dressed pretty similarly.

Jisung ordered for you after you looked over the menu together like always. Your hands rested on the table, fingers entwined for his family to see. You had been doing this for so long now that it was almost second nature to you. You had fallen into the routine a long time ago but you didn’t even have to think about it anymore. You probably wouldn’t even be giving the action a second thought had it not been for Minho staring at your hands from across the table.

It looked like he was zoning out, like he wasn’t actually glaring at you holding hands with his brother but you couldn’t be sure. You kicked him gently in the shin to get his attention. He jolted and locked eyes with you immediately, erasing any trace of subtly.

“You okay there, son?” Dom asked, patting Minho on the back.

“Yeah, yeah, ‘m fine. Just got a chill.”

Thankfully, everyone seemed to move past it and the conversation resumed. Dinner was otherwise uneventful. The boys recounted the golf game and Dom’s landslide win, while you just listened and nodded along when it felt right. It was a relief not to have to add anything to the discussion. You didn’t have the energy to.

Dom stayed true to his word from earlier and bought everyone a round from the bar at the restaurant. You weren’t a big beer drinker but you didn’t want to be rude so you suffered through the whole pint, ignoring Jisung’s worried glances from the side.

“You know I could have finished that for you,” he muttered.

“I don’t want to look like a pussy in front of your dad,” you hissed back. “He bought it for us. And I didn’t want to be left out.”

Your best friend scoffed and shoved his hands in his pockets. “You’ll do anything to prove a point, won’t you?”

“You know me.”

Minho pulled you aside after dinner, once you were back at the resort.

“Think you can ditch your ‘boyfriend’?” he whispered as you both fell back a couple of steps.

You stopped. “What, why?”

“I just want a moment alone with you.”

“A moment or several moments?” you challenged.

He smirked. “I’ll take whatever I can get.”

“I can’t keep blowing Jisung off,” you sighed, “and neither can you.’

“You know he doesn’t want anything to do with me right now.”

“That doesn’t mean you should stop trying!”

“Look, can we not do this right now? When they’re literally right there?”

“You’re the one who pulled me aside right in front of them.”

You watched his jaw clench in frustration but he didn’t say anything else because he knew you were right.

“Can you ditch him or not?”

You sighed again and looked back to Jisung. He was in what looked to be a heated debate with Felix. You didn’t need to hear it to know it was over something stupid.

“I’ll see what I can do.”

Jisung barely bat an eye when you told him where you were going.

“Okay, be safe,” he said as he kicked off his shoes.

That’s it? That’s all he had to say to you? You wanted to ask him just that, but you were afraid of creating another rift between the two of you. Jisung had said he wasn’t ready to talk about it so you shouldn’t push, right? But was it wrong to keep leaving like this?

Going back and forth with yourself was only wasting time and Minho was still waiting for you downstairs. Fuck it.

You grabbed a spare room key from the dresser, shoved it in the pocket of your dress, and left without another word before you could change your mind.

Minho was right where you left him, leaning against the wall by the elevator hub. He grinned when he saw you.

“Thought you’d never escape.”

You rolled your eyes at him as you let him lead you through the lobby by the hand. You were still wary of people seeing you together but the lobby was seemingly empty.

“Jisung didn’t care. It was me who took forever.”

Minho paused, letting go of your hand as he gave you a concerned once over. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?”

You nodded. “Yeah, I don’t really want to talk about it. So, where are we going?”

He frowned, but only momentarily, quickly covering it up with a smile. “I- okay, um... remember how you said we don’t do ‘couple stuff’?”

“Yeah?”

“I thought maybe I could take you somewhere where we can do that.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m taking you on a date, silly.”

“Really? Where?” When he didn’t answer, you groaned. “You and your stupid surprises.”

“It’s more fun this way and you know it,” he insisted, tugging you along by the hand.

“I like being prepared,” you argued.

He grinned. “So be prepared for a good time.”

The drive wasn’t far at all this time but you were confused when he pulled into a crowded lot. You were even more confused when he didn’t turn off the car or more to get out of it.

You turned to him in confusion. “Minho?”

“Y/n?” he parroted.

“Where are we?”

“We’re on our date.”

“Yes, but where?”

“Did you not see the sign when we turned in?” You shook your head. He grinned. “It’s a drive-in.”

“Really?”

“Why do you think no one’s getting out of their car?”

“I didn’t really notice, to be honest.”

“Too distracted by your hot date?”

You didn’t spare him a reaction. “How’d you find this place?”

“I did some research the other night,” he explained, “when you, you know, we talked about it. I figured this is about as close as we could get to a real date. At least right now.”

“That’s… really thoughtful.”

He shrugged. “Nah, it’s nothing, really.”

“Well I was going to kiss you, but if it’s nothing—”

“No, no. I want the kiss. Give me my kiss.”

You chuckled, relenting as you leaned in. He met you halfway over the center console and kissed you sweetly. It was short but eager, just enough to leave you wanting more.

You had to remind yourself not to get your hopes up. Sure, Minho was showing interest in you now, but what about when this was all over? Would he want to do long-distance? Did he want to date you at all? You had been telling yourself that it was just sex all this time but now you were on a date... but what did it mean? You could just ask but you were scared to ruin the moment, ruin whatever it was that was actually going on.

You’d been asking yourself the same questions for weeks now and the scary thing was, it seemed like Minho was serious about you. He had all but said it outright to you. And here he was taking you on a fucking date. It was you who kept pushing back. You told yourself it was because of Jisung, but if you were being honest with yourself that was only half of it. You were afraid of getting hurt. You had never been in a real relationship before for that very reason. Well, that and you liked being single. It seemed favorable considering the dating pool of your university.

“I want another one,” Minho murmured, leaning in again.

“Nope, that’s all you get for now,” you teased, even though you did very much want to kiss him again.

His lips parted in surprise. “Wha- why?”

“Because I only promised you one! I can’t just go giving my kisses away, can I?”

“Sure you can,” he argued.

“That would lessen their value. I can’t wager them to get what I want if they’re not worth anything.”

“Your kisses are very valuable to me,” Minho insisted.

“Because I’m sparing with them.”

Minho inched even closer to your face, eyes trained on your mouth. “So I can earn them,” you started to nod, “if I’m a good boy?”

You almost choked on nothing, swallowing a moan. Minho watched your reaction with a self-satisfied smile and then settled back in his seat, turning his attention to the giant projector screen at the front of the parking lot.

“We’ll see,” you muttered hoarsely.

He hummed, still looking forward. “I’ll be good then.”

lmk what you think i always appreciate feedback!!

#instead of you stray kids #instead of you skz #iou stray kids #iou skz #stray kids x reader #skz x reader #lee know x reader #lino x reader #lee know smut #stray kids smut #skz smut #lee minho smut #lee minho x reader #lee know series #stray kids series

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thatstrangegiiirrlll · 1 year

Text

L x Female reader

Genre: Smut

Summary: L is consumed with his work and hasn’t paid you any attention in the last few hours. You figure it’s well within your right to do whatever possible to get him to focus on you.

“Come on babe,” you beg for the 1200th time. “Take a break for a bit. I miss you.”

L looks over at you from his crouched position — the one he’s always in when he’s working or focused on something. “I took a break earlier; I had some cake. And how can you miss me when I’m sitting right here?”

You poke your tongue into your cheek, trying to hide your laugh as you’re genuinely becoming annoyed and impatient.

“Yeah, smart-mouth ass,” you bark, hands on your hips defensively. “Not only did you eat your cake, but ya’ ate mine too! And you know exactly what I meant by that; I miss you spending time with me and not on this investigation. Sheesh.”

He blinks at you slowly with his big, sleepy, doe eyes. “You said I could eat it. And I’ll spend time with you once I’ve finished for the night.”

You huff out, “Number one: I didn’t think you’d actually eat it — which I should have known better. And number two: that’s what you said the last bazillion times I asked, L.”

“Because I wasn’t finished the last bazillion times you asked,” he replies, eyes fixed back on his computer screen.

You scoff, speechless. You know your boyfriend is an odd one, but you’ve always found it adorable. Sometimes though, there’s this little part of you that wants to choke him to an even paler complexion than he already is.

“Fine,” you hiss, walking up to him to nudge his head childishly. He doesn’t even blink let alone flinch at the push. “I’ll go play by myself — or maybe even with myself.”

“Keep the noise down please,” is all he says as you start to walk back up to your bedroom.

You scoff again, stopping to glare at him before stomping up the stairs, but to no avail. You know you’re being a brat, but you can’t help it. Sometimes L can be cold and detached from you. You understand that it isn’t on purpose and that he cares about you. But every so often you crave a bit more of him than what he’s willing to give.

Lying down, scrolling on your phone, you get an idea in your schemey little mind. You think you know something that might get L to pay you some attention.

You come out of your pajamas, only in your hello kitty slippers now. Confidently, you stride back downstairs and into the kitchen.

“I’m gettin’ a bowl of ice cream,” you announce, taking the frozen matcha treat out of the freezer. “Do you want some?”

He pauses momentarily, taking his thumbnail between his teeth. “Six scoops with chocolate syrup, please.” He hasn’t seemed to notice that you’re butt-ass naked just yet.

“Coming right up,” you respond, preparing his bowl to bring over to him.

“Here,” you say, nudging his arm with the bowl.

“Thank—,” he stops, looking into the bowl with a deadpan expression. “You didn’t put the syrup…”

Your face begins to burn with frustration, but you ignore it, continuing with your motive. “Lick it off me first and then I’ll put it on.”

He finally lifts his head, scanning you up and down, eyes widening. His eyes dart to your chest where you’ve drizzled some of the chocolate syrup on your breasts.

He slides his slender fingers against the small of your back, pulling you to him. You gasp quietly, his cool hand giving your naked body prickly goosebumps. He then stands up and dips his head down, face-level with your perky breasts. You shiver violently as a result of him blowing cool air on your already hard nipples.

“Hey!” You whisper-shout. You’re already finding it hard to stand as your knees are buckling from the tension. You don’t appreciate being teased.

L starts with your right breast, his tongue is contrastingly warm and soft in comparison to the rest of his body. He licks around it, swirling his tongue teasingly and taking your breast into his mouth entirely, being sure to get every last drop of the syrup. He repeats the action to your left breast and then licks down your stomach and belly button to catch the remaining drizzle.

As soon as he finishes, he takes the syrup from your hand, your grip weak and loose now anyway. He sits back down in his chair and neatly drizzles the syrup over his melting ice cream.

You continue to stand there, wet, wildly turned on, and freezing, but hoping to be warmed up very fucking soon.

You snatch the bowl from his hand, staring a hole into the side of his head as he looks ahead, spoon still held up to his mouth. He licks the spoon clean and then sets it down, turning to you

“How dare you do what you just did to me and then just go back to what you’re doing? Like…are you alright in the head? Don’t tease me like that!” You shout, ignoring how innocent and unassuming his face looks right now.

“I just wanted to eat my ice cream…”He murmurs, finger-pointing to the bowl in your hand. “I mean — you made it for me.”

You gawk at him, utterly empty of words. You can’t even be mad at your boyfriend; he’s too precious. It drives you insane. The look on his face immediately fills you with guilt at how mean you’re currently being.

“Fuck,” you exasperate, placing the bowl back down on his table. You lean forward to grab his face, forcing him to look at you. “I’m sorry. That was mean.”

“It’s okay,” he replies awkwardly, looking anywhere but in your eyes.

You kiss him on his squished-in lips and to your surprise, he accepts the kiss without any cheeky remarks. You swap spit, taking your tongue out on occassion to lick his lips and tongue in circles. Nasty, sloppy kissing is your favorite. You release his face from your grasp so that he can move freely.

He sighs, looking down at his throbbing bulge through his pants. “Look at what you’ve done to me. I guess you were gonna get that quality time out of me one way or the other. But this… this just isn’t fair.”

You unbutton his pants, pulling his dick out of his boxers to relieve him. His pink tip is sopping with pre-cum and your mouth waters at the sight. He tenses up in his position, fingers tightening around his boney knees.

“Relax,” you tell him soothingly, kissing his tip with wet lips. You lick the oozing pre-cum off and then wrap a hand around his shaft, using it to rub your clit in circles.

He throws his head back again, groaning deeply. You suck him up for a few minutes, stopping in a decent enough time to postpone his nut.

Dick still incredibly hard, you situate yourself onto L’s lap, his wood slipping inside of you most satisfyingly.

“Mmmm — fuck yeah,” you squeal, letting the full feeling of him slowly enter you sink in. You instantly warm up at the intimacy.

He pulls you a bit closer, wrapping his hands around your waist, thumbs caressing your ribs. “I know I’m pretty cold. Sorry about that,” he apologizes, using feathery strokes with his fingernails against your sides.

“It’s okay, it feels nice,” you reply honestly. Now that you’ve become hot and aroused, the coolness his body provides is refreshing to you; like a cold glass of ice water.

You pull him by his shoulders, tilting your head into the crook of his soft neck to make out with it as you start to ride him carefully.

He bites his bottom lip to conceal his sounds. You hear him fighting to quiet down his whimpers and pants, an occasional sound escaping into your ear anyways.

“Shit, you’re so fucking deep.” You graze his ear between your teeth, using your hips to deepen and quicken your skillful riding.

He kisses you as you continue to thrust against him, fully in control of everything now. You like that he lets you take charge sometimes; no toxic masculinity, complete acceptance, and vulnerability. Crying and whimpering in your ear like a needy and helpless man; now that — that is your weakness.

You tangle your fingers into his hair, intensifying the kiss with the control you have over the direction in which his head goes.

He pulls back, looking at you with half-open eyes. “I’m gonna…I’m about to cum.”

You kiss his forehead messily, closing your eyes tight in deep focus. Your final thrusts are aggressive and desperate, the taste of your orgasm nothing short of delectable. The chair squeaks loudly with all the movement going on. You shudder, yanking his head back frantically as you cum on him. He cums right there with you, his face beaming gorgeously with a deep red against his translucent complexion.

The two of you catch your breath’s, gathering yourselves just enough to come back down to Earth.

L sigh’s, turning his head to examine his bowl of melted ice cream. “Guess I should drink that now.”

I love Death Note so much. L has got to be my favorite character like.... Fucking ever. And this was hard to write tbh. L doesn't seem overly sexual at all, so I had to get creative with this one. I love submissive men. They're so hot. - Ash <3

#death note #l death note #l lawliet #light yagami #misa amane #ryuk death note #shinigami #anime #smut #l x reader #l lawliet x reader #manga #japanese

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writethrough · 1 year

Note

feel free to imagine a sexy interpretation. Also, I'm going to add a loss of virginity here just for fun. In this scenario, Dream is finally willing to admit to himself that he loves the reader, but he's still not willing to confess (and he's also still a possessive/obsessive jerk), so instead he chases after the woman's dreams, especially until even your wet dreams. And 2 possible catalysts here, either Dream sees that the reader is dreaming about having sex with someone else and becomes insanely jealous or he sees someone flirting with the reader in the waking world and becomes insanely jealous XD. This is so Dream, like a king, he feels entitled to the reader and his time, and while he's trying to work up the courage to confess, he makes sure the reader can't hook up with anyone else.

I Am Yours, But Are You Mine

(Morpheus x Female Reader)

Warnings: Minor language, suggestive situations, kinda possessive Morpheus

Word Count: 1651

A/N: Oh my goodness, thank you so much for being so patient! Unfortunately, Morpheus has been one of those characters that I haven't been as motivated to write. And I hate forcing myself to write when I'm uninspired. Thankfully, I found sparks of it here and there.

I tried to follow your request as truly as I could (the lost of virginity didn't quite make it), but I ran with your possible catalyst options! I do think I need to work on my jealous/entitled Morpheus, though. I think he could've turned out better.

Nonetheless, I hope you enjoy it! And thank you for requesting it!

Images of you and that human haunted him. It was all he could think about as he sat on the staircase to his throne. How that man approached you. How he smiled, and you returned it. How he made you laugh, soft and delicate.

Morpheus’ jaw tightened, and he snapped his book shut.

Was it too late?

Had he lost you before he could have you?

He closed his eyes, trying to fight those thoughts with the ones of you and him.

How, when Morpheus appeared, you greeted him with warmth and tenderness. How you touched his arm in reassurance or when you were startled. You knew he would protect you. It was instinctual how you moved closer and tucked yourself behind him.

He had never felt more vital.

And yet, earlier, you had that same kindness for that man.

How long had you known him? When did you meet him? What was he to you?

You would have told Morpheus about any romantic partners.

His fist clenched as his arm hung off his knee.

To think, mere days ago, he had realized that he loved you. He would have been content to dedicate himself to you silently. An ever-present confidant for his heart’s deepest desire. How quickly things could change.

He had to do something.

—

Morpheus had grown more agitated throughout the day. The more he thought about you and that man, the darker his mind became.

He had finished crafting new nightmares when he sensed you had entered the Dreaming.

He had to go to you. He needed to know what that man wanted from you—and if you wanted anything from him.

You didn’t need anything from that human.

He was quick to find you within your dream.

A replica of your home, which he found strange. Rarely did your dreams play out here. You were usually conscious within the Dreaming. And his heart went out to you, knowing your day must have been stressful.

He peered into your room and nearly unleashed every nightmare in his realm.

You were laid bare with that man hovering over you.

Morpheus’ knuckles whitened. And before he could think better—before he could calm himself. He swiped the dream away and sent you into the Waking World.

—

You woke with a frustrated groan.

Of course. Of course, you had to wake up when things were getting good.

You scrunched your nose when you recalled who had been in your dream.

You sighed. At least your subconscious knew not to dream about Morpheus in his kingdom. You might actually die if that happened.

Though, the replacement for him wasn’t all bad. You had noticed the similarities when you met him right away. Tall, black hair, lithe, but his eyes were brown and not the blue you had come to love. And where Morpheus’ presence held authority and power, the stranger’s had a shyness, a quiet confidence that you may have been attracted to in a different time. However, you only wanted one being.

You stretched before climbing out of bed.

You weren’t sure when you realized you loved Morpheus, but after you internalized it, you promised to never act on it.

There had to be hundreds, if not thousands, of creatures who had fallen for the Dream King. And yet, you had only heard of two that captured his attention. Who were you to think you stood a chance of being his? He was one of the most important beings in existence. You were a measly human—here and gone before he could blink.

You shook your head.

You were grateful for Morpheus’ friendship. He listened and held an interest in you that you couldn’t understand. You would gladly take whatever relationship you could have with him.

You slowly got ready for your day. You had more time with your early waking and decided to do more with your makeup. It had been years since you applied makeup for someone else’s benefit. But you wondered if Morpheus would notice anything different.

Scrunching your nose again, you rid that thought from your mind. Morpheus didn’t care about how you looked. He’d told you appearances meant little to him, that it was dreaming that held someone’s true soul.

You wished you could know his.

—

Morpheus would’ve broken his teeth if he were human—and perhaps his wrist, too, if he squeezed any tighter.

He stood with his hands behind his back, staring out the stained glass windows in his throne room.

He had stopped your dream from continuing, but the reality was different.

His entire arsenal of power was at his disposal. Morpheus could do whatever he wished to that human, but that would only end in you being upset with him—or furious if extreme enough.

No, Morpheus had to prove himself. He had to make you see that he was the only one for you—that only he could provide for and protect you—stand by you in the way you deserved.

And he’d do so tonight.

—

Morpheus appeared in your kitchen doorway, mind racing. Anger and fear and uncertainty beneath a stony exterior.

And then he saw you. As stunning as ever.

And it all vanished.

All except his desire to tell you.

Your kindness and strength had lured him to you the moment you met. He’d come to know how closely you held those you cared about, and somehow, he was one of them.

And the thought of letting you go, of you choosing someone else…he couldn’t fathom that.

You brought him so much peace.

You spun from your refrigerator to your island, produce in hand, and finally saw him.

“Shit, Morpheus!” You held a hand to your heart. “Give me a warning next time.”

His face remained as still as ever, but you swore you saw a passing gleam in his eyes.

“My sincerest apologies,” he said, stepping toward you.

You waved it away, half believing him.

“Want anything to drink?” you asked, chopping the first ingredient.

He scanned the food, but you weren’t entirely sure he was seeing it.

“I must ask something of you,” he said.

“Okay.” You placed the knife down. “What is it?”

“Have you found someone?”

You tilted your head, brow pinched. “Found someone?”

Morpheus never hesitated when speaking—and you weren’t sure that was the word for it now—but something made him consider his next question carefully.

“Are you spoken for?”

You opened your mouth, then closed it, slowly connecting the dots.

“Are you asking if I’m dating anyone?” Your heart picked up. He had never asked something so intimate before.

“Yes.”

“No.” You licked your lips. “No. What brought this on?”

The faintest pink graced his cheeks. His eyes shifted to the side, then back.

“...You dreamt of him.” He breathed like something terrible would happen if he spoke louder.

Your heart clenched at his look of betrayal, trying to recall what he meant. Then, your eyes widened. He must have seen what happened at the coffee shop.

“Are you talking about that guy who came up to me?” you asked.

Morpheus shifted his chin downward, the most movement he used for a nod, and didn’t break eye contact.

“Morpheus…I don’t even remember his name,” you said, being as gentle with him as possible.

The space between his brows twitched. “You dreamt of him.”

Your head dropped in embarrassment.

You shrugged. “It’s been a while.”

It wasn’t much of an explanation. Although the guy had been attractive, you weren’t interested in him when he spoke—something unnecessary in dreams. All he had to do was get the job done, but with Morpheus' attitude, you could guess why that dream ended before anything could happen.

“Are you…jealous?” you asked.

“I am a king. I do not experience jealousy.” His head lifted ever so slightly.

“Historically, you do,” you said pointedly, trying to hide your smirk.

He hummed as if annoyed, but you knew better. You had stumped him.

“You are fortunate I hold you dear,” he said. “Not many can speak to me as such.”

You laughed breathily and stepped forward, grateful your answer pacified him.

You regarded him carefully. The smooth plains of his face, the sharp lines of his jaw and nose, his blue eyes. His lips. Your feelings for Morpheus were bubbling to the surface in a way you couldn’t ignore, and to think he possibly returned them? It nearly sent your head spinning.

“You know…I wouldn’t mind if you were a little jealous,” you said.

“And why is that?” He arched a brow, trying to remain composed.

“Because then it would mean you share my feelings,” you whispered. “It would mean I could kiss y—”

Lips were on yours—warm and powerful, a surge of pent-up passion. He’d waited far too long to taste you, to know the curves of your hips and the dip in your spine.

Your body melded into his as if he was the lock and you were the key. You opened him up to things he never thought he’d want to experience again. And you kept his secrets. You protected him. Made him feel safe. He was desperate to do the same for you.

You pulled away, but Morpheus followed, giving you quick kisses until you put a hand on his chest, laughing.

“Just…give me a second.” You inhaled. “One of us needs to breathe.”

The faintest pink graced his cheeks, and you grinned.

“I apologize. It slipped my mind,” Morpheus said.

You shook your head. “Don’t. Never apologize for doing that.”

You pecked his cheek, then the corner of his mouth, and lingered just beyond his lips.

“Guess I have someone else to dream about,” you whispered, each word brushing your lips against his.

He let out a low rumble. “There is no need to dream.”

His hands grasped the back of your neck and pulled you into him. You moaned when his sand whirled around you, knowing exactly where you were headed.

Taglist: @sayumiht, @hatterripper31, @snowsatsu, @1950schick, @navs-bhat, @bookshelf-dust, @sapphireonline

If you’d like to be added to any taglists, please comment or message me with the character you’d like updates on.

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loren91 · 1 year

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Young Royals and the three act structure, Part one

Seems like there was some potential interest in a full three-act story structure analysis, so I’m taking this opportunity to indulge myself by going full nerd. I’m going to attempt to make the argument that limiting the show to three seasons is actually perfect for Young Royals, by highlighting the pattern the story follows.

A few things to keep in mind before we start.

This analysis is not about the characters deep inner emotional lives. We are not here to pass judgment on their actions. We are simply identifying the beats of the story in a neutral and objective manner, for the purpose of analysing the structure of the story.

As you will notice, the points I have identified are all from Wilhelm’s perspective. That’s because he’s the point-of-view character, the main conflict is shaped by him and his emotional state. He’s the protagonist. Each subplot however, will follow the same pattern and has its own purpose, but I’ll get more into that another time.

I’ll be referring a fair bit to Lindsey Ellis’s video essay on the subject, because I like how she describes the structure pattern in sequences. So I’m gonna borrow some of her language. Also, note that the examples she uses to describe the tree-act structure are all feature films. Since Young Royals is a series, it’s gonna divert slightly from her description. But that’s what is so great about this structure, it’s flexible. It’s not meant to be set rules, but rather guidelines to help keep your story relevant and engaging all the way through. If you find this stuff interesting, I’d highly recommend watching her videos!

The three act structure is absolutely not the only way to tell a story. There’s many different formats that works just as well! It’s really about finding what structure works best to tell your story. The three acts however is the most common format you’ll find in more commercially viable works, such as Disney films for example.

And finally, I’m not a writer, but an animator, and I have studied film theory/structure. I’ll do my best to motivate the plot points I’ve identified, but if you’re a proper story expert and disagree with me, I’m happy to discuss!

Okay, let’s get to it.

A three-act structure is constructed of just that, three acts, and roughly looks like this. Essentially, a beginning, a middle, and an end. Or the set up, the confrontation, and the resolution. These acts may vary in length, act two usually being the longest and act three usually being the shortest. But what truly defines them is the tension of each act, meaning what drives the conflict forward at that point. A story will have a main conflict yes, but that conflict will take on many forms depending on where we are in the story. Lindsey Ellis describes each act as consisting of multiple sequences, and defines each sequence by its individual tension as well. Though all points of tension should always stay related to the main conflict! So the main points we’re looking to identify in the story are the main act tensions and the main sequence tensions.

Let’s go through season one of Young Royals and talk about each story beat.

Act 1

Act tension - Wille has to attend Hillerska.

Sequence 1

We start with the Set up/Hook. The purpose here is to establish the world and the protagonist along with their internal conflict, such as their flaws and/or desire that makes them feel incomplete - The way Wilhelm’s character is introduced informs us that he is royal, but struggling with his role, because royals have set rules to follow.

“Why can’t I decide how the hell I want to live? I want to live a normal life!”

The thing that sets the story in motion is the point of attack. Something happens that is outside of the protagonist's control/knowledge - That would be the royal court deciding to send Wille to Hillerska without his permission. This gives the protagonist something to react to.

Sequence tension is established - Wille does not want to go to Hillerska. The rest of episode one reinforces Wille’s discomfort at the school.

Next, we get to the inciting incident. An event that disrupts the status quo, and our protagonist has to get involved - The initiation party, particularly when Wille and Simon almost kiss at the end. This leads him to acknowledge his attraction toward Simon and become more proactive in his pursuit of the boy.

The sequence tension is resolved. Notice how in episode two, Hillerska is no longer the main focus for Wille, but Simon is. The seeds for what will become the central conflict have now been planted. The conflict is usually driven by character motivation. This is where we can consider the protagonist's Want vs Need. The want drives the main tension - Wille wants to be with Simon. But we’ll find want he needs later on in the story.

Sequence 2

The purpose here is to build up the creation of the main tension of the story. The main antagonist can also be established here - August keeps getting on Wille’s nerves. Especially when he’s trying to hang out with Simon.

That’s our sequence tension - Wille is working to befriend Simon, but August keeps getting in the way.

The end of the sequence sees the first major plot point, the Lock-in. Where our protagonist makes a decision that changes everything. Usually, something they can’t come back from - In Young Royals that would be the first kiss. Wille and Simon’s relationship has fundamentally changed. The main tension is now established.

Act 2

Act tension - Can Wille be with Simon, despite him being a prince?

Sequence 3

At the start of this sequence, the protagonist has most likely achieved some kind of milestone or learned something - He’s definitely like that.

To keep the story interesting, writers will add so-called pinch points in between the bigger plot points. These usually act as reminders of the antagonist or the pressure our protagonist may feel - Wille feels he needs to break it off with Simon because a prince is not supposed to be gay. As we established in the set up, royals have rules.

Sequence tension - Can Wille deny his feelings for Simon? Queer pining ensues.

Sequence 4

The purpose of this sequence is to build up towards the midpoint. We see the protagonist making attempts to achieve their goal - The want never changed, Wille still wants to be with Simon, despite the pressure. Wille invites him to spend the weekend with him.

Sequence tension - Wille is trying to prioritise his new relationship with Simon, but August is still being annoying.

Then the midpoint hits. A major disruption, either from a character action or a force of nature. Can be positive or negative, just something that changes the aim of the quest without resolving the main tension - This time it’s literally halfway through the season. End of episode three, Erik dies and Wille becomes the crown prince. Everything has changed.

Sequence 5

Everybody has to adjust to the new world order after the midpoint disruption. We’ve reached another pinch point - Again we are reminded that royals have rules, and Wille makes another attempt to follow those rules. By embracing his new role, he breaks up with Simon once again, then sort of pursues Felice and joins the society.

Sequence tension - Wille adjusting to his new title while mourning his brother.

It’s common for subplots to advance around this time - Like Simon giving August the drugs to sell.

Sequence 6

Another plot point, where our protagonist may stop and reflect. Maybe have a heart-to-heart with another character, and perhaps make a decision - This is where we see the football field scene and the end of episode four. Wille reaches out to Simon for help, reconnecting with him. This leads them to pursue a relationship once again. They are put in a false sense of security. They are finally together, thinking all is good. BUT, we in the audience know that August has the video of them and the writers keep reminding us of him and the threat he poses. Even if Wille and Simon don't know it yet.

Sequence tension - Can this happiness last?

Sequence 7

(Here’s where the story leaves the classic structure for a bit, and adds an extra sequence for some more drama, as filler. In theory, they could have skipped this sequence and gone straight to the video being released. This part is mainly here to give motivation for August’s character, making his actions clearer)

So we are essentially given another pinch point, a reminder of antagonist or pressure - August tries to break them apart by telling Wille about the drugs, which leads to the music room fight.

Sequence tension - August is becoming more hostile.

Wille saving Simon from being framed for the drugs is more related to August’s money subplot. And the Lucia hug scene is mainly there for character building purposes. I’ll talk more about that stuff in part two.

The plot has advanced to the culmination of the main tension. The crisis that serves as build-up to act three - August releases the video. At the end of act two, the protagonist faces their biggest challenge yet. They’ve hit their lowest point - The aftermath of the video's release and Wille is totally lost.

Act 3

Act tension - Can they save their relationship after the video?

Sequence 8

Begins with the protagonist making a big decision that creates the new act tension. The tension in act three will be different, but still related to the main conflict - Wille and Simon talk in the locker room, where Wille says he won’t do the statement.

Sequence tension - Can Wille avoid making the statement?

We’ve reached our last major plot point, located at the end of the sequence. Sometimes known as the twist in the third act - And what a twist, Wille does the statement anyway. This narrows down the tension further, to focus on a more character-driven intimate place for the next sequence.

Sequence 9

Sequence tension - Can they be together despite the statement?

Climax, the last big fight - Simon tells Wille off for being selfish and breaks up. Wille also finds out that both August and his mother betrayed him. The protagonist’s need has emerged from this journey and is now clear to us - Wille needs to decide who he wants to be. The want and the need should be different from each other, but still connected. Wille wants Simon, but in order for that to happen, Wille needs to break out of this cycle of self-preservation and stand up for himself against the royal court.

The climax will most likely lead to some kind of character growth - Wille is now pissed because he’s lost everything and realizes how corrupt the royal court is. As Lisa so beautifully put it, “A flame is ignited in him”. Hugging Simon in public is a display of his character growth.

And finally, Resolution. The point where the story is usually wrapped up neatly, but if left ignored, you get a cliffhanger - Which is exactly what happens in this season. Nothing is properly resolved at this point. Resulting in an open ending/cliffhanger.

Oof, that was a lot. How are we all doing? So these are the main beats of the plot. Makes sense? Let me know if you need any further clarification 😅 I was gonna get into how the rest of the show fits this format as well, but that’ll have to be in a separate post. Here’s part two!

#young royals #prince wilhelm #young royals analysis #young royals season 1 #film theory #story structure #story analysis #young royals and the three act structure #wilmon #simon eriksson #august horn #my meta #my analysis

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lu-is-not-ok · 1 year

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Let’s talk about K Corp Hong Lu

Look. He got me. He got me bad. I can’t explain just how badly he got me. There is so much I want to dissect about him. So you know what?

This is going to be my first Identity Analysis. Fuck it we ball.

Before I get into it though, let me make myself clear: unlike E.G.O Analysis, I will not be taking Identity Analysis requests. This is because Identities inherently come with A Lot more content to analyse, and it’s not really something I’m willing to sit down and do at the whim of anyone and everyone. E.G.O Analyses already take me a while to do. I hope you guys can understand that.

With that out of the way, let’s get into it. Cue Game Theory intro or some shit.

Let’s start with the obvious, K Corp Hong Lu’s uptie story and his dialogue lines.

While his uptie story serves mostly to introduce more lore about Class 3 Excision Staff, it does provide some additional context to Hong Lu’s situation in this specific Mirror World.

To summarize, Class 3 Excision Staff are effectively K Corp branded super soldiers, whose main trait is nigh invulnerability due to extremely heavy dosage of K Corp ampules. However, this comes at a rather ironic cost - this same dosage could instantly kill them if something within their bodies changes just enough to make them no longer compatible, rendering them extremely fragile to even something as mundane as dreaming. As such, they have to be kept in complete stasis when not deployed, to ensure their state is constantly stable and so that they don’t accidentally get fucking gooped from thinking the wrong way.

Effectively, they are forced to not exist outside of their purpose, as trying to could lead to their death. They have no freedom by nature of what they are.

Besides that lore dump, we also learn some interesting things about Hong Lu in that Mirror World.

For one, it’s his family who got him into this job. Specifically, his grandmother directed him here, stating she wanted Hong Lu to see more of the City and experience new things. A rather... odd motivation for putting your grandson in a position that stays stuck in a tube in suspended animation 90% of the time.

This is something the scientist in charge of waking Hong Lu up doubts it as well, wondering if Excision staff truly is the right position if that’s what she actually wanted for Hong Lu. Hong Lu, for what it’s worth, doesn’t seem to actually care about her motivations, claiming he’s fine with his situation as long as he gets to have new experiences. Put a pin in that, I’ll try to remember to go back to this.

Another thing we learn is that Hong Lu seems to react oddly to being put into complete stasis. It’s noted that he doesn’t seem to suffer from any side-effects upon waking up from suspended animation, and that him being able to immediately talk up researchers for attention is in no way expected behavior. However the process is meant to work, it’s implied to not be as simple as pressing the pause and resume button on a person.

Likewise, it’s noted as odd that he seems refreshed upon being woken up, implying that, again, this is not how it’s supposed to work, as Class 3 Staff doesn’t seem to be able to “rest” in the traditional sense of the word.

In fact, there’s something weird about him that I myself noticed that doesn’t seem to be directly pointed out. Hong Lu notes that he feels extremely bored when not deployed, saying that relieving that boredom is his reason for constantly chatting up researchers whenever he’s woken.

The thing is... by all means, Hong Lu shouldn’t be feeling bored. Being put into suspended animation is outright stated to put one’s consciousness into stasis as well, as subconscious thoughts are one of the things that could destabilize one’s ampule compatibility. Hong Lu, by all means, should not be cognizant enough of his surroundings and time spent in stasis to be able to be aware of how unoccupied he is during that time.

While it could very well be just a figurative figure of speech he uses to carry his point across (as Hong Lu isn’t exactly the most honest person in any Mirror World), the fact that there is Something Clearly Off about how he experiences stasis means there very much could be something more to it.

There is a chance that odd trait of his could be connected to the SP restoration abilities of his alternate versions. While K Corp Hong Lu is the second Hong Lu to not have any mechanics tied to restoring SP (Kurokumo Hong Lu being the first), it’s not impossible that for him specifically, they translate into something not applicable to combat.

Could it be that whatever is able to keep most other Hong Lus’ Sanity up is what’s causing him to potentially stay semi-cognizant in stasis? It might be a stretch, but I feel like the fact that it’s something that’s partially pointed out to us means there’s something more to it.

It would certainly explain a lot of his oddities. Why he’s able to so quickly bounce back upon being woken, why he seems to actually rest when in stasis, and why he seems to be aware enough of his time spent there to feel bored. For whatever reason, his consciousness seems resistant enough to not let itself be fully put into suspended animation.

Remember how I mentioned how Class 3 Staff has no freedom because of the nature of what they are. Well, I think this applies even more for Hong Lu in this specific case. Because of something inherent to him, he can’t be put into full stasis. Whereas other Class 3 Staff are able to stay blissfully unaware of their time spent stuck in their glass coffins, Hong Lu can’t. He perceives it, whether he wants it or not. In a way, he’s even less free than those who already have no freedom.

When it comes to K Corp Hong Lu’s dialogue lines, there’s something I want to note about their delivery. It seems to me that, in general, his dialogue lines carry notably less energy than the dialogue lines of his other Identities. There are a lot more lines where his voice is lowered, or in some way faltering, compared to other Hong Lus.

While most of the actual content of his dialogue lines is hinting at info we learn through the uptie story, there is some interesting things to note.

One - Hong Lu feels like it’s been a very long time since he began his job at K Corp. Hearing about daytime makes him reminisce about how he used to drink at that time of the day, and being asked why he joined K Corp he notes how it feels like it’s been ages ago, and even seems to be slightly unsure about it in fact being his grandmother who sent him there. ...Just how long has he been working there?

Two - Hong Lu’s desperation. It’s clear Hong Lu much prefers actually doing his job to sitting in a glass tube for days on end - he expresses excitement at the idea of being deployed more often, and takes joy in being able to breathe fresh air after a long while. He’s also notably down when he realizes Dante won’t talk to him anymore. However, the one line that stood out to me the most here is his Ex-Clear victory line, where he hesitantly pleads to have just A Little Bit of free time before he has to go back into stasis.

Now, time for the Fun Part. Time to look at the Sin affinities and try to dissect what the fuck they mean on IDs.

Before we talk about what Sin affinities K Corp Hong Lu has, let’s talk about one he doesn’t have - Lust. The Sin representing actions done to indulge desires or seek personal fulfillment.

I feel like this is extremely important, as every other Hong Lu ID has some Lust affinity in one way or another, and I don’t think it’s a coincidence that this specific one lacks it.

As a quick recap: Kurokumo Hong Lu has Lust as his Skill 1, Tingtang Hong Lu and Liu Hong Lu both have Lust as their Skill 2, and Base Hong Lu has Lust as his Skill 3.

To briefly summarize what I think this all means for each Hong Lu without getting into full Sin affinity analysis for all of them:

Kurokumo Hong Lu’s Lust represents how his actions seem at first glance. He’s acting according to his own desires and whims, not caring to follow other people’s orders if he doesn’t want to.

Tingtang Hong Lu’s Lust presents as a slightly deeper motivation. He seeks out a dopamine rush at every opportunity he has, diving head first into gambling and murder just to satisfy his desires.

Liu Hong Lu’s Lust is similarly a deeper motivation. He likewise seeks to indulge himself, though in his case it’s him fully leaning into the comforts his rich family enables him to enjoy, like the incredibly expensive tea he seems to be obsessed with.

Base Hong Lu’s Lust is what I’d like to call his Core Sin. At their very core, Hong Lu’s actions are driven by his need to have his desires be satisfied, whether it’s his curiosity, his wish for comfort, or his need for attention. That’s the main driving force behind who he is and what he does.

As one can see, Lust is Incredibly Important to who Hong Lu is as a person in every Mirror World. So, what does this mean for K Corp Hong Lu?

It’s bad. It’s Bad? It’s really not good.

Because this means that in his current situation, K Corp Hong Lu does not care to have his needs satisfied. In fact, I don’t think he’s even in a position to be able to care about that. He’s reduced to only truly existing as a tool, a weapon for K Corp to use, and when he has no purpose to fulfill he’s put into stasis that doesn’t even seem to fully work on him.

How would he even begin to try to fulfill his desires in such a state? He’s barely able to resolve his own by-now-probably-chronic boredom, to the point he actually enjoys his job. Hong Lu, whose Mirror Identities consistently mention either not liking to do what other people tell them to do or simply finding it more tiring to do something as a job than doing the same thing off-the-clock? You’re telling me That Hong Lu is actually enjoying his job?

Can you see why this Identity has been fucking with me so much?

But oh wait, we’re not done. Oh hell no we’re not done. We actually have to analyze the Actual affinities K Corp Hong Lu has, cause hoo boy they tell a story.

The Affinity of an ID’s Skill 1 usually represents what Sin that Identity’s actions present as upon first glance. In this case, K Corp Hong Lu’s actions present as Pride, as actions done purely for their benefit while the consequences are ignored.

This, I think, fits what we know about him pretty well. He finds delight in deployment regardless of the harm he has to inflict as part of his job, simply because it provides momentary relief to his boredom. Likewise, one could interpret the action of becoming part of the Excision Staff as prideful. Hong Lu remains in his position for the sake of “new experiences” (and because Granny said so), all the while ignoring the way he suffers because of it.

The Affinity of an ID’s Skill 2 usually reflects a Sin corresponding to an Identity’s deeper motivation behind their actions. For K Corp Hong Lu, this is Gluttony, representing the motivation of hunger, whether in the form of hunger for survival or hunger for more.

In this case, I think we can firmly place K Corp Hong Lu on the Survival part of the Gluttony duality. As I laid out way earlier, Hong Lu here has no choice but to do as K Corp tells him, as otherwise he will literally die. There’s also a way we can interpret it as part of his motivation for joining K Corp in the first place. If his grandmother wanted him to work here, did he really have a choice, or would the consequences of disobeying be far worse than what he has to put up with in here?

Then, there’s Skill 3. I interpret the Affinity of an ID’s Skill 3 as the main driving force of that Identity, their Core Sin, so to speak. For K Corp Hong Lu, this is Sloth, the Sin of apathy, resignation, and inaction.

This, I think, is where K Corp Hong Lu’s deal is truly revealed. He is fully resigned to his fate as a Class 3 Staff. It no longer matters to him to do anything but follow orders without question, because what else does he have left? Staying half-asleep in a glass tube for the rest of his life? Dying? No wonder he’s finding delight in deployment, he has literally nothing else. The only reason he’s not outwardly hopeless is, well, because he’s Hong Lu. And a Hong Lu will try to smile through everything, no matter how badly it hurts.

I also think it’s important to note that there is only one other Hong Lu ID right now that shares K Corp Hong Lu’s Skill 3 Affinity - Kurokumo Hong Lu. This might seem weird, considering Kurokumo Hong Lu’s whole thing is being staunchly against being ordered around... Except this quickly falls apart when you actually look at his actions. Yes, he complains and doesn’t respect his superiors, but. He still follows orders. He’s still good at following orders. As much as he hates doing it, he has no choice but to do it. And so, he’s also just as resigned to his fate at his core as K Corp Hong Lu is.

Now, with all of that being said, there’s one more thing I want to talk about here. What does this mean for Base Hong Lu. Our Hong Lu.

While Dante’s Notes very directly point out that Mirror World versions can be nigh unrecognisable in personality to their Base counterparts, I think it’s a mistake to fully dismiss them.

I think, in one way or another, the alternate Identities of Sinners are meant to tell us something about the Sinner in question, whether by implying something that they may be hiding, or by paralleling the Sinner’s situation in a more symbolic manner.

Remember that part I said to put a pin in? How K Corp Hong Lu doesn’t care for his grandmother’s motivations for making him take this job, since he’s getting something out of it?

That. That feels extremely important to me.

While you could definitely make the argument that in general K Corp Hong Lu’s whole situation could be a symbolic parallel to how his family treats him as nothing but an object that ceases to matter once its purpose is fulfilled (which I think still applies as well by the way), I think there is something more important here.

The idea that as long as Hong Lu is being cared for by his family, as long as he benefits in some way from having to bear the pain, he will not question their motivations and goals.

In a way, we already knew that. We already knew from Base Hong Lu’s dialogue that he still views his family positively despite the abuse he very likely went through at their hands. However, I think K Corp Hong Lu’s attitude here further confirms that idea. That as long as his family shows Some form of love towards him, he won’t question how horrible they have been to him.

Because if they love him, there’s no way they’re Actually being that bad towards him, right?

...

God Canto 8 is gonna hit way too fucking hard for me and not even deep-diving into Hong Lu can prepare me for it.

#limbus company #limbus company project moon #hong lu #hong lu lcb #k corp hong lu #lcb season 2 #lcb analysis #lu speaketh #this might be my longest analysis yet?#don't know didn't count but it took me like two hours to finish #enjoy my insanity

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bobfloydsbabe · 2 months

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hi!! I’m kinda new to tumblr and I’m trying to figure out how to be a respectful reader. So I’m just going to dive right in, I’ve added my age to by bio - which I’ve read that you should do from many blogs - but how do I go about supporting works? Recently I’ve just been liking + commenting but I was wondering about the proper rebloging etiquette? (for example do I add tags? and if I do, is it the same ones that the original poster used when they uploaded?)

sorry for the super long ask 😭 have a good day!!!

Hi Avalynn! Welcome to the madness that is tumblr–we’re so happy to have you!

You’re off to a fantastic start by adding your age to your bio! This lets authors know you’re of an age to read fics labeled 18+ and respect the boundaries they have put in place to protect themselves and readers alike.

Liking and commenting are a great first step. That being said, Tumblr doesn’t have an algorithm. What that means is liking and commenting doesn’t get a fic in front of more people, but that’s where reblogging comes in. Reblogging is NOT the same as reposting. Think of it as sharing something you love with other people–by reblogging a fic you’re telling your followers I loved this and you might enjoy it too!

A blank reblog (no tags or comments) is appreciated for the reason stated above. I discourage adding the same tags as the author because it doesn’t serve a purpose. Your reblog will not show up in the general tag, only the original post will. If you want to add tags, I recommend something like "this was so good" or "loved the tension in this" and similar things. You can then add a tag with the character like #bob floyd or #bob floyd fic to make it easier for yourself to find fics you’ve previously enjoyed and reblogged.

The key to a fanfic writer’s heart, however, is reblogging WITH comments. Add your commentary underneath the post! Share the things that made you laugh or cry or feel some type of way. Pick out your favorite quotes or interactions and tell the author why you loved them. You don’t have to be super detailed in every single reblog or comment, but even a little goes a long way. It gives writers, myself included, motivation to keep working on the story.

There are certain types of comments and tags you should not use. These include but are not limited to "more please" or "update soon please" and similar phrases. They’re demanding and make most authors feel unappreciated, like we’re just machines churning out content and not actual humans with lives outside the internet.

If you have other questions, please send an ask or shoot me a DM. Reaching out about this shows you’re willing to learn and want to understand the etiquette, which is a big difference from most new readers around here. Thank you for showing us that there are people out there who know the value of fanfics.

#mail #answered #thisfilmagain #fandom etiquette #fanfic etiquette #tumblr etiquette #i'm so sorry this answer is so long #but i hope it clears up some things

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blackpilljesus · 1 month

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I dont care about the odds of womens liberation happening because I dont solely focus on "winning" per se. That's not to say I dont want or aim towards it but freedom isn't just about the end but the journey too. Cultivating a lifestyle as a single childfree woman is something bigger than me and something I hold onto to get me by.

One thing about conscious is that we all know we're going to die. This terrifies some; but in some cases it gives a purpose to existence. Death becomes a metric to measure the things that are worth it in life, things to dedicate life towards for fulfillment in existing. Whether the end goal actually comes to fruition or not is irrelevant because the hope and purpose carries you as you live.

To get by the hardships of life and inevitability of death: dedicate yourself to something bigger than you. Having a sense of purpose beyond yourself drives innovation & delivery. It's not just about how long you live but what you live (& are willing to die) for. This is how cults, religion, charity, activism, natalism etc affect people. It gives them a sense of purpose greater than themselves so they devote their lives to them even in extreme cases where it'd kill them. They suffer & work in the name of their cause.

Many women regret encountering feminism & seeing maIes for how evil they are but I dont. I see things more clearly & more importantly it's given me a purpose in life; something to orient how I carry myself as long as I live: To pour my energy into myself & other likeminded women, to live beyond serving a maIe, to trust myself & not let the claws of maIe supremacy sink into me, to be the subject of my life instead of the object, to know I'm ending the line of suffering and not giving maIes what they ultimately want - another soul in the chain to continue the suffering, etc. That's the direction I'm taking my life.

I'm saying all of this because with things like separatism, 4B etc if you're serious about it think about these things as something bigger than yourself let it be something that you devote yourself to that goes beyond you. In the end it isn't just about you, it's about the future children you're saving from experiencing the hurt & suffering of this world. For me, no matter what happens as long as I dont give birth before I die that's a W for me - when I die the suffering in my line ends with me. So that's how I see this as something bigger than myself, it's not just about me but my (potential) future offspring. And before anyone tells me about how there's good in this world; good isn't guaranteed but suffering is.

When you give yourself to something bigger than you you're able to commit to things for the greater good & not just doing things for the sake of it. I dont refuse to date, reproduce, wear makeup, etc to stick it to anybody; it's just freeing for me. I think the lack of seeing these things as something bigger than yourself is part of why many women struggle to commit to this or even think of the idea (there's obvs many reasons but I wont get into them to stay focused). I commonly to hear things "I'm not doing x for some fringe online movement" because they dont see a greater good, sense, or purpose to it so instead women will get in pro woman spaces demanding it caters to them & their existing habits rather than working within these spaces towards a goal greater than themselves compared to dating which is why they're willing to inconvenience & risk more in that regard.

This might sound extreme but many people whether they're aware of it or not have a purpose for themselves at some point & legacy they want to build to leave something behind or it fulfils them. For me the way I see all of this is that I want to succeed as a single childfree woman as my legacy. That's what I build towards. I occasionally ask myself that if I was to die now would my life & the things I did reflect what I believed in at the end of the day. Now obviously people have different motives & legacy aspirations which causes conflict (even with maIe supremacy it's about legacy which is why maIes live & die for it. It makes it easier for them to reproduce & steal labour from women to pass off as their own & that's something added to their legacy - something that lives beyond). Ofc not everyone gets remembered but in the grand scheme of things as I mentioned it's not about the end goal but the journey there.

The thing with fulfilment is that it is so strong if this thing wasn't there people likely wouldn't know what to do with themselves. Despite the criticisms of religion, part of why it's so powerful & popular is bc many people wouldn't know what to do without that framework shaping their lives. Something they can lean on in hard times, something that directs the way they go about their daily lives so people take it very seriously with its ups and downs as it gives them purpose & they'd be lost otherwise. Similar thing with patriarchy, if you remove the benefits it comes with; maIes wouldn't have a purpose to work towards & existence wouldn't be worth it for most of them. This is why many of them dont care about going on rampages even if it costs them their lives to uphold the system as they have nothing to live for out of maIe supremacy. A loss of those structures would be a net negative as they have to work harder for the same or less results.

For many women, romance is something that fulfils them & adds purpose to their lives (remember having purpose to something means you're willing to struggle for it). In my previous post I addressed the argument of how there'll be violence when women reject maIes en masse but even when women choose to date maIes the risk of violence is still there (which there's endless strategies on how to 'vet' and mitigate) but they still go for it because a having relationship is something bigger than themselves. These things fulfil them so much so that many women refuse to take maIes as they are & actively shut out news about their violence bc it'd make them hate them & they dont want to do that bc losing romance would be losing it all. It isn't just about them, they're looking for someone to explore, build, and create life with as it fulfils them so they'd be willing to take risks to find that. Hell even out of dating, many women will risk their lives & livelihood to advocate for maIes politically as they see the cause as greater than them.

I've provided examples to put this concept in context so for the more relevant part: as a single childfree woman where does this leave you? Find a sense of purpose & fulfilment to it. This is something that has to come from within for it to stick, a sentence I say isn't going to give you purpose bc you dont know me & I dont know you. To a degree, typical things that give people purpose & fulfilment are messages that have been instilled into them from childhood. As people grow & face challenges it's something they lean on and it works for them to get by life. Many religious people look to their creator when they're going through hard times in addition to everything else they do surrounding religion as they devote themselves to that. So having a purpose & sense of fulfilment is important bc when adversity inevitably comes up it will help you overcome it.

TLDR: We're always taking risks depending on what we find purpose & fulfilment in. These things tend to be bigger than ourselves. Find purpose and fulfilment to being a single childfree woman.

This is the final part of my series of posts about the popularity & rise of single childfree women:

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

#finally got this out lol this took a while because I had a lot going on in my personal life but it's been on my mind to get this finished #find purpose as a single childfree woman #so good luck to y'all & I hope more single childfree women find purpose to this. One thing I'll say is dont feel pressured to find purpose #fulfilment. Not everyone will find purpose but at the very least find a sense of fulfilment that isnt rooted in sumn like getting back at x #in the end this is something that should be fun it's not a punishment. Enjoy yourself ! Be happy with your life it should let you feel good #& add meaning to your life. Have this bc it will keep you strong through hard times. I personally see no alternative I will go down fightin #I refuse to continue an xys legacy through me. I reject the life where I'm a wife & mother in every dimension even if it means I go down #that's a risk I'm willing to take for freedom. You'll notice I talk abt myself a lot bc it's something that has to resonate with you.#It can inspire but ultimately this must grow within; good luck gyn.#female separatism #female separatist #4b #6b4t #single woman #childfree women

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turbobyakuren · 3 months

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Today, on the 26th of June, is the... Wow. 10th birthday of my OC project, MagiMonsters!

ONCE AGAIN I have unfortunately prepared nothing this year for this event, despite hitting a milestone. I tend to be very busy and tired these days, and I've never been one for planning, except one time in october last year. The drawing fever came back, though, and that's a good thing! And now that my studies are finally over and that I have more time for myself (workdays notwithstanding), the motivation to make more MagiMonsters drawings, designs, stories, etc. has come back! For now, most of these is treasured inside my brain. I want to tell those stories a lot, but it's an effort I haven't managed to channel into something concrete as of yet. Like I said, I've never been one for planning.

So instead, to celebrate nonetheless, I've made a little compilation of most of the Yuzuki Drawings I've done over the past 10 years, from 2015 to 2024. Yuzuki is the de facto poster girl of MagiMonsters (although the actual mascot is Moriko), so she is representative of my evolution as an artist, both writing- and drawing-wise. This OC project was the main force behind my desire to learn how to draw, and I'm very happy that, after around 10 years of work, I have achieved a style I am comfortable with. It's truly great to sit down and think, "Wow, this is what I had in mind!".

To conclude, I want to thank all the friends, all the people who support me, are interested in my little creations, are willing to lend an ear to what I have in mind, and help me with this project or just wanna say they like what I do with it. I also want to thank all my artist friends for inspiring me through their art and for drawing art of my OCs whenever they can. It truly means a lot to me, and it encourages me to push myself even further and experiment new things. I hope I can finally start producing something that showcases my stories and my little universe of magical monster girls. Yahoo!

#shutupus rex #long post #my ocs #magimonsters

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smittywing · 7 months

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WIP Wednesday - Marriage 101

I thought I'd post a little more of this while I was thinking about it.

First part is here: | 1 |

Tim wore his favorite black suit - the one with the pinstripe that was just a notch shinier than the rest of the fabric - to their appointment at City Hall. It was probably too expensive a suit, given the motivation behind their...appointment. He thought of it in euphemism, because it was fake, it was pretend, but the legal ramifications were very real and this was supposed to have been a very big decision that he’d made in practically no time at all.

“Hey, um. Hey.”

Tim looked up to see Jason skid into the hallway. He straightened from his contemplative position with his elbows on his knees and stood up.

“Hey,” he said.

Jason was wearing a black suit too, and a white shirt and a red tie. He’d done something to his hair - something with product that didn’t exactly work, but it looked like he’d tried, and Tim tried to smother the grin a wave of fondness pushed up to his face.

“Do you - I mean, do we have time to talk for a sec?” Jason asked and Tim’s anticipation plummeted. Jason was going to back out.

“Yeah,” he said. “Of course.”

There was a little corridor where the bathrooms were and they ducked in there, past the marked men’s and women’s to the back wall.

“So listen,” Jason said, rubbing the back of his neck and not looking directly at Tim. “You doing this, it means, I mean - “ He stopped and took a breath. “You being willing to do this means a lot to me. But if you have, you know, ideas. About marriage. And you don’t want this to be your first, I totally understand. And you shouldn’t feel you have to. Because it’s kind of a big deal. To some people.”

“Is it a big deal to you?” Tim asked because that hadn’t really occurred to him before, that Jason might have a traditional romantic side and that he might one day have hopes of a wife and family.

It was kind of a weird thing to think about.

“Me? No. I - No,” Jason said. “I’m barely even a legal entity.” He scrubbed a hand through his hair, messing up whatever careful but ineffective work he’d done with the product. “I just don’t want to fuck things up for you. Like, if you want to date Blondie again. Or someone else. I don’t want to cramp your style.”

Tim shrugged. “I think that ship has sailed with Steph,” he confessed. “And hey, we’re already kind of family, right?”

And this would help Jason out. A lot. And it would let Tim see his face light up talking about English Lit. “So,” he concluded. “Let’s do it.”

Jason’s face split into a genuine grin - not a smirk or snarl or sneer but an actual grin. “There’s probably no favor big enough to pay you back for this,” he said.

“That’s okay,” Tim said, jamming his hands in his pockets and easing Jason back out to the main hall. “When you’re a rich and famous novelist, you can put me in one of your books. As the star,” he specified. “Not the cannon fodder.”

“I’ll give you a whole series,” Jason promised. “Tim Drake, Secret Agent.”

“I like it,” Tim said. “But please give me a better drink than a watered down martini?”

“I thought you guys were Punking me,” Dick complained when they stepped back into the main hallway.

“Would we do that?” Jason asked. Tim admired how he could sound offended, outraged, and sarcastic with four words.

“In a hot second,” Dick returned.

“Am I late?”

“For the love of little fish,” Jason muttered, good humor lost. “Did you invite the whole damn family?”

“I invited myself,” Barbara said, poking him in the chest with her finger. “It’s cute how you think you have secrets from me.” She glanced back at Tim. Tim waved. “And you,” she added. “You should know better.”

Tim shrugged. He hadn’t actually been trying to hide from her. He’d just hoped she wouldn’t sound any alarms. “Should we be expecting any more guests?” he asked.

Jason glanced back at him, realization flashing on his face and he turned quickly back to Barbara.

“I didn’t forward the info,” she said. “But I know some people are going to be pissed if they hear about this from the Gazette instead of from one of you.”

“<i>Some people</i> can just butt out,” Jason snapped and Dick looked pained.

Honestly, Tim hadn’t really thought Bruce would care too much, beyond the optics of it and he had a plan for that, and he was going to tell Steph, but later, for this very reason.

“Alfred?” Dick sounded angry for the first time and Jason went white and then red.

“I’ll talk to Alfred,” he muttered.

“What do you want us to say to Bruce?” Barbara demanded. “Did either of you think this through even a little?”

“What do you want us to say to Bruce?” Jason asked. “We’re getting married to get money for college because you’ll just want to pay and I don’t want you to?”

“Just because he’ll take it badly doesn’t mean you shouldn’t tell him,” Babs said.

“We’ll just tell him it’s a practical arrangement,” Tim offered. “For practical purposes. He should understand that.”

Jason shot Tim a look Tim couldn’t even begin to interpret and then looked back to Barbara. “Will that check the box, Barbie?” he asked.

Barbara narrowed her eyes. “I suppose.” She slapped a redweld against his chest. “Congratulations on your wedding.”

Jason frowned and unlatched the folder, peering inside. “Huh,” he said.

That was unhelpfully vague so Tim took the expandable folder from him and pulled out a handful of paperwork. Birth certificate. Social security card. Passport.

“Hey,” he said. “You’re a real boy Mr. Peterson.”

“Yeah,” Jason said. He looked back at Barbara. “Is this - ?”

“Airtight,” Barbara said with her first smile of the day. “Every piece of it. It’ll stand up to an intensive background check. Just give me a heads up if you’re joining the state bar because those people look for everything.”

“Deal,” Jason said and then, to everyone’s surprise, maybe even Jason’s, he hugged her, resting his chin on the top of her head. “Thanks, Barbara,” he whispered.

“

“Mr. Peterson and Mr. Drake?” someone called from the wooden doors. “The magistrate is ready for you.”

“That’s you,” Dick said unnecessarily.

“We know,” Tim assured him.

“Yeah,” Jason said. “C’mon, we need you two to be our witnesses.”

“You only need one witness in Gotham,” Barbara corrected.

“Yeah, well, make sure this guy doesn’t mess it up, okay?” Jason asked and then squared his shoulders. He looked at Tim and held out his hand. “C’mon,” he said. “We have to pretend like we like each other.”

“Oh yeah,” Barbara said. “This is going to be the best marriage ever.”

And so they got married. There was an awkward part where they were supposed to kiss and they both tilted their heads the same way and it was absurdly clear they had never kissed each other before, but no one said anything and they escaped with their dignity intact.

“So,” Tim said, out on the street after. “What now?”

Barbara elbowed Dick. Dick elbowed Barbara back. This escalated. Tim ignored them.

“I’ll submit my paperwork and hope for the best,” Jason said doubtfully. “And I guess in August, I start crashing at your place?”

“I wasn't sure if you needed to crash there before,” Tim said. “Or want to get your mail sent there, at least. So I made you keys.”

“I don't need keys,” Jason scoffed but took them anyway.

“Jason Peterson needs keys,” Tim countered.

“Okay, yeah,” Jason conceded. “I guess I’ll have to stop by for my mail now and then.”

“You’d better,” Tim told him. “If Gotham U sends you a ginormous envelope, you have exactly one hour to get over here and open it or I’m doing it for you.”

Jason dropped his head back and laughed. If Tim watched the ripple of his throat, well, he was married to the man. “Fair,” he allowed with a grin. “So, uh, see you around, I guess?”

“Yeah,” said Tim. “See you around.”

And that was that.

#jaytim #batbrats #tim drake #jason todd #jason todd/tim drake #red hood/red robin #red hood #red robin #jason todd's potty mouth

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