#it's not helping us at all idgaf stop justifying this

[kouhaiofcolor]

"....When did we get to the point where natural hair is no longer associated with ...Black People? Black Women?"

Non blacks pls dni.

Have to amplify this woman's valid and articulate short on the relevance of this topic bc, whew smh, I have discussed the same thing here — and am both just as disturbed (and honestly? a little let down?) by Black Women letting go the equity we had in natural hair. Esp just to pick harmful maintenance/norms right back up. I do understand that we, as a race of women all by ourselves, have sooooooo many odds stacked against us regarding what we do with our hair and how we take care of it, but I cannot for the life of me understand what the purpose or benefit is supposed to be in returning to things that actually harm us disproportionately.

For good measure, she also spoke more directly and at length about this issue, it's toxically influential spaces and platforms — as well as the colorism, texturism and misogynoir in general at it's core. So glad I'm not the only Black Woman being transparent about how backwards the nhc/nhm is going.

[vacantgodling]

oof okay. i didn’t think i would have to make a post talking about it but this may be my general blanket statement about it and hopefully i don’t need to make a hard and fast rule about this topic (for myself).

generally speaking, idgaf if minors follow me. i used to yeah—and i used to try and censor my blog and shit i posted because i knew i had, essentially, kids following me (why they were, no fucking idea but that’s the main reason i deleted my old blog and made this new one here because i was getting so stressed out about it) and i just didn’t want to be held responsible for “exposing them to shit” or something like that.

however. like. it’s my space, it’s my area, and i was (before) making myself miserable worrying about fucking children so i decided that i’m just not gonna do that anymore. and generally speaking, since making this blog i haven’t. when i was a teen, i followed and interacted with adults on the internet and i was fine. and i know i have some followers/mutuals/friends that i’ve known since they were younger and i didn’t feel weird about talking to them or anything. it’s good for kids to have outside adults to talk to etc etc but that’s not why i’m making this post.

basically, i’m making this post to say: if you are going to be a teenager/young adult (like 16-19) and you decide to follow me i need you to understand that i’m an adult, i talk about adult things (not just sex btw i mean just like. i’m for the exploration of dark topics in media and it will show up in my work occasionally) and that is your responsibility to navigate.

basically what i’m saying is, and bless this person’s heart. i just had a young teen/adult gimme a follow. and usually when people follow me, i do a quick scroll check to see what they post, if i want to follow back, etc etc. but the first post i saw on their blog was them rbing a very… shall we say young and on the internet opinion against a nuanced post that i personally rbed on my side blog myself without the take that this person rbed on it. just as a tldr the original post said basically “dark topics in media should exist and can be a tool to help people know what it looks like and identify it in real life so they can be able to navigate and stop this shit from happening irl.” like. a basic sentence and take (to me). this is obviously not saying you Have to go seek out media that makes you uncomfortable to read it if you don’t want to, but i’ve seen the notes on that post and i’ve seen and heard people talk about how having access to media that discussed their situation helped them themselves either come to grips with it, or to identify that it was happening or happened to them. it’s a nuanced take, and it’s one that i (personally) agree with.

yet the comment they rbed is the usual argument you see from someone who is not able to think about a situation broadly. the standard “oh well i’ve experienced csa before so i don’t need to see what it looks like” which again, tapping the sign, this is not for you then, and you don’t have to read books that explore those topics if you don’t want to. but the fact of the matter is: you aren’t going to know what everything looks like that is the breadth of the human experience—positive, or negative. shutting yourself off from potentially experiencing it via reading (a safe place) isn’t going to help you help anyone or have a complete understanding or opinion about it aside from this knee jerk reaction which is the antithesis of the post. and when all you (the person i’ve blocked btw. idk if it’s hard or soft and i don’t care really) have to add to this conversation via tags is “oh op probably made this post to justify jerking it to mha porn” then i need you to understand you are too young to be following me.

i trust people to make their own decisions. but i don’t really understand when people follow me and then have opinions like this. (hell there’s a lot of people who follow me where i don’t understand Why because it doesn’t seem like what i write would be in their wheelhouse but i can’t and won’t police people from reading my shit if they want to) however when i see stuff like this especially coming from a youngin’ i just don’t want to deal with that. because i know one day i will probably post or talk about something nuanced and i don’t want to invite a potential “callout” or “cancel culture” or freak out in my notes or argument in my inbox i’m just not doing it.

so at this time i’m not making a rule that i don’t want minors/youngins following me, again, i don’t care, but if you are going to like please please please actually understand when you don’t need to be following an adult with opinions that make you uncomfortable for your own sake.

[pulchrasilva]

Hey totally normal couple of posts you just made there but also WHAT. COULD I HAVE A CRUMB OF CONTEXT THAT IS SO FUCKING FUNNY DUDE

Ahsmaksnk alright I was planning to just say shit without context but since you asked for it, prepare to hear about the worst fucking person!

So context for this story, Thomas Sanders has been struggling with a skin condition that has (among other things) been causing him to lose his hair. He's made a couple of videos, the most recent one coming with the announcement that he was shaving his hair off and changing a few other things about his look as a way to feel more confident in himself. I will say that the reactions I've seen from most fanders has been overwhelmingly positive and I'm getting the impression that he's been much happier since

And I only find this because I'm looking the roleslaying with roman tag, and certain fanders have the unfortunate tendency to tag unrelated Thomas Sanders stuff with the roleslaying tag

So he did a photoshoot with the new look recently. And I find edits of the photo shoot to put his old hairstyle back on, with a caption like "I think the old hair really ties it together 😍".

This is pretty damn insensitive and I have a tendency to go fucking feral when people are assholes about hair so naturally I go to the roleslaying server to bitch about this. Apparently I'm not the only one who's encountered this person, because I didn't even say a url before everyone is like "ugh god this fucking person".

So we're all morbidly fascinated by this person and we start looking through their blog. It's fucking vile in there. Just a whole lot of "wow Thomas is so sexy" coupled with "his new hair is gonna make me stop loving him :/" to make it really clear that they apparently think of him more as an object rather than a person with the right to look how he wants.

Turns out that they've been told directly that this is making Thomas uncomfortable and they haven't stopped. Their response to being criticised about this is genuinely hilarious. It includes some real gems like "I know it may seem like my love is conditional but it's not" (do you know the meaning of conditional) and "I just have some genuine concerns and criticisms" (you don't get to have genuine concerns about other peoples bodies) and "im not body shaming him" (this is absolutely body shaming. Honestly after hes been so vulnerable about his hair I'd say its worse than those other people) and "fanders can't handle even the slightest criticism towards Thomas 🙄" (maybe a fair criticism but what you're doing here is not criticism at all it's just being an asshole)

Apparently they got cancer as a kid or something and thought they were gonna lose their hair, so they get triggered by other people shaving their hair. And there was something about being afraid of change in there too. They described in great detail about how Thomas shaving his hair left them hyperventilating, and how when their irl crush said she wanted to shave her hair they kept dropping hints about how much they hated the idea until she left.

Honestly I'm concerned about them, other people's hair should not be leaving you this distressed. Like they need some help and I don't mean that in the "I don't like them so I'm gonna make jokes about them going to therapy way" I mean that entirely genuinely. I'd feel worse for them if they weren't such an asshole about it though. Like idgaf about your sob story if you're using it to justify asserting your own desires about how someone looks above their comfort and boundaries

Anyway yeah that's the reason I'm never gonna think about the silly fight with the bald guys in the same way every again. I mean I'm exaggerating but yeah

[fxcczedoss]

Guide: FA=Fatass, BH=bluehead

This rant started off to just go off in FA's gf and how she was poly but it mutated into problems with being too comfortable with sharing your kinks/sexualities.

please the bluehead is poly. thats so disgusting. how much of a lowlife do you have to be in order to become such a gross creature. its almost hard to believe we are the same kind. I feel so distraught at the person/people who encouraged her to be herself. idgaf if your gay, but ong do not push your sick desires to other people and make it your whole personality. Look at my profile for crying out loud. she reads those webtoons that help you come out of your shell or sum shit. idk and idc. i look like i do. kinda but only because more people should be aware how degenerate this kind of behavior is. absolutely no one should be proud of living a life where all you do is make up a personality for yourself that no one but a group of people seem to care about. this is why you get bullied by fa's ex.

This is where I went off on another trail on how weird BH is in general.

no one wants to see you in cat ears. you being aware its cringe doesnt justify it either. it only make you look more like a fool. you know its cringe so dont take pride in it mf. no one gives a damn youre poly. most people are disgusted by that if anything. i could also be to blame because im self aware im spending my time on her and on this post. what do i say to that? idgaf. shes poly and that already enough for me. screw you for pushing your sick and degenerate beliefs and screw your gf for running her exs view on herself.

This is where I talk abt how degenerate the ppl she knows are such as FA.

Dear FA

From: FA's ex

if youre literal fat ass had the the bare minimum of respect for ex while y'all were dating, she would very well use your goddamn pronouns but no. why should she? YOU broke her. YOU went off to talk to a pedo. YOU went off and dated someone with no personality. YOU did not try to hide you didn't value her. and on top of that YOU went off to befriend a racist she didn't like and was constantly faking her ethnicity. YOU'RE sick degenerate human being. did I also mention your snowflake having ass told me to stop using the slur that belonged to her culture? thats exactly why youre whiteass went off and made bffs with that white bitch who pretends is puerto rican. youre ex is tired of it. all of it.

send hate, death threats, call me a homophobe. but I will not let this kind of disgusting behavior slip by. i accept people of (not all) all sexualities that are fucking normal. none of that zoophilia shit. fatherless behavior like this should never be encouraged or displayed.

[theultimatefanficwriter]

My Ships!

Hey guys! So currently it's late at night and I wanna write something to help me sleep. So here I am on my phone quickly writing out all my ships down so you guys can see what a loser I am lol.

Now feel free to discuss your opinions, but dont start any ship wars or bash anyone's ships, alright? Cool! So here we go! Each ship will have a short explanation as to why I ship it. And they are in order from favorite to least, though my least favorite is still one I like.

Ishimondo-This is my biggest comfort ship. I love enemies to lovers so much and these two idiots are just...such a beautiful tragedy.

Saimota-Can someone say bromance? Like please they were flirting so hard it hurts. They are dating your honor.

Saimatsu-Please the way she was able to motivate him? Even after death she helped him improve. They had such chemistry from the very beginning.

SakurAoi-Yeah yeah Sakura has a bf whatever. But they technically werent dating yet cause they were waiting til Kenshiro got well. So...LES GO LESBIANS! Hina was about to commit murder suicide for her boo. Literally lovers.

HaruKaito-So even besides the fact Maki straight up confesses, I disagree with people saying they dont have chemistry. They're adorable and Kaito opens her up to people. This ship is adorable af.

Tokomaru-Similair to Kaito and Maki! Komaru helped Toko be a better person! Like I hated Toko at first, but after UDG, shes a top tier favorite. This ship is too cute.

Soudam-Again I love enemies to lovers. Idgaf if they never show romantic interest in each other shut up. They're beautiful bastards, both of them.

Fuyupeko-...do...do I really need to explain? Just play the second chapter again lol.

Hinanami-Im not a big fan of Hajime. In fact hes my least fave protag. But I think the way they interact and the way he is around Chiaki is too fucking cute.

Sondam-They had the more obvious chemistry in the game, and I love Sonia with Gundham. They fit each perfectly, having similar interests. Plus how sad she was when he died? 😭

Kiiruma-Ok so they're a perfect fit right? Kiibo was one of the only ones to even care when Miu died, and Miu seemed to care about Kiibo. Yeah because she could upgrade him, but I feel theres more there!

Naihiro-Now this is a rare pair. I think the two of them are very cute and soft boys, so they relate to each other. Theyd be a very sweet couple.

Akanidai-Nekomaru literally died to protect Akane, and took two bazookas to the chest for her. They were inseparable. Case closed. They cute.

Daiyakure-Another rarepair. It's hard to ship Hiro with people cause you'll get hit with the "hes 21 and they're underage" argument. But with Daiya Oowada, you can say hey, fuck you! Theres literally no interactions between them. It's almost a crack ship. But I love it more than I should.

Naekure-Another Hiro ship, but this one can be justified by saying they start dating after they escape the game and they know they're both adults. I think Makoto would be a decent balance to Hiro's...everything.

Togakure-Same logic as with Makoto as to when they get together. Byakuya would be able to deal with his idiot enough to calm him down slightly. Plus it would be a funny contrast.

Ishikure-Ok now this is a bit harder to explain. I see it more as they were dating before the mind wipe, and in survivor aus theyd date again. I just think Hiro being the only one to care about him after ch 2 is sweet and that the two would be cute.

Hagekureon-Same reasoning as with Taka;Hiro and Leon were dating before the game and/or they date in survivor aus. I think the two idiots together would be an interesting combo, like with Ishimondo.

Naegami-Finally, back to well known ships!😅 So Byakuya clearly cares for Makoto even if he tries to hide it. He'd be a good partner to Makoto, if not a bit tsundereish.

Kuzusouda-Fuyuhiko was like the only one to try to curb Kazuichi's simping, and they have a nice friendship in the anime(from what I've seen and heard, havent seen all of it😅)so I think Fuyu would be able to help Kaz accept himself.

Asakure-Once again, getting together after game. My friend put it as "the two idiots getting together. Its cute." And hes not wrong lol Despite Hina being slightly smarter and the fact she bullied Hiro a bit in game, I can see them working off each other nicely.

Goshi-Firstly I just love the striking difference in their heights. It's funny as hell to me lmao. But secondly I think Gonta's sincereness and kindness could eventually break through to Ryoma and help him realize he isnt unlovable, and he is worth something.

Twobuki-I just think Ibuki's constant praise and lowkey flirting with Twogami is adorable, especially given his...size. Usually people would make a character like that completely unlovable, so the fact she was seen doting on him so much is adorable.

BandAid-Now I normally dont ship killers and victims. It just doesnt feel right to me. But given Mikan was more or less brainwashed into doing it, i kinda give this ship a pass. Plus i think Ibuki could help her be more confident in herself and stop letting others use her.

Soapies-I dont really like either of these characters, thus why its last on the list, but I think Mahiru is the only one who could "tame" Hiyoko, for lack of a better word. She could help her stop being a bully and actually open up to others. Plus they both care a lot about each other. It's cute. Its sweet.

So that's my list! It might grow, and if it does I'll reblog this post to add onto it! Feel free to give your opinions on it, but remember: no ship wars!

Alright imma go pass out now! Good night guys! Lol

[spiderstyles04]

COBRA KAI SN 3 SPOILERS

Episode 1:

Can’t stand the fact that they’re trying to make Sam the victim, fuck the white bitch 😤. (okay yeah she’s kinda the victim but like she deserves to be blamed)

I can’t stand the fact that everybody keeps trying to make Robby the villain (ik he’s MIA, but the words they’re calling him make me wanna punt their asses into oblivion 🧎🏽‍♂️🏌️)

Episode 2:

Kreese is actually fucking sadistic wtf.

fuck men (esp. those that prey on young girls).

cops @ the prison rlly said: “I aint see nothin at all -👄-“.

wow so you can definitely see who is Johnny’s priority! Instead of continuing to look for his missing son, he went to go see Miguel🖕🏻.

and Miguel is like boohoo why’d this happen to me it’s all Johnny’s fault. Uh no it’s partially yours for accelerating the fight. Shouldn’t have gotten in the middle of a fight if you wanted to come out unharmed.

Robby blaming himself for everything and worry abt the others before himself is making me cry my eyes out pls 😭😖.

Daniel fucking Larusso rlly said let’s catch this scared teenage boy off guard and have a cop sneak up on him and arrest him

Episode 3:

I hate that Robby is in jail but he looks hot af

Not the LaRussos blaming Robby’s grudge on him being a teenage. Like you literally had a cop sneak up on a terrified kid and you expect him to take your calls???? I think tf not.

Sksks Sam rlly out here acting like Tory got angry outta nowhere and that she had no reason for being brutal. Yeah having a bad background doesn’t justify bullying but you kinda provoked her. YOU KISSED ANOTHER GIRL’S BOYFRIEND WHILE YOU HAD ONE OF YOUR OWN. SUCK IT UP AND SHUT UP LIL BABY.

Not Robby fighting with guys in prison over their comments abt Sam of all ppl 💀 she’s the reason you’re in there and she cheated, what the fuck are you defending her for?

sad puppy Robby is making me tear up shit I love him too much to see him in pain 😖

God I hate Eli. Imagine being jealous of not being able to creative enough to raise money for your friend so you resort to stealing the money from the only ones able to get money for him 💀.

“Douche clown” BAHAHA.

NOT JOHNNY MISSING OUT ON SEEING ROBBY BC HE WAS WITH MIGUEL HE COULD’VE CALLED AND LET HIM KNOW FUCK JOHNNY

Episode 4:

NOT JOHNNY ASSUMING THAT ROBBY IS THE ONE STARTING FIGHTS (reminds me of Jess and Rory from Gilmore Girls when she accused him of fighting with Dean when rlly he just got attacked by a bird)

I love that Robby is telling Johnny off like PERIODT KING GO OFF

Nah if some idiot wrecked my lego diagram that took me weeks to build, I’d knock him on his ass no hesitation. Idgaf if I got expelled

Not the counselor completely disregarding the fact that Dimitri’s project was wrecked

Every time Johnny enters Robby’s life, he just makes shit harder for him. I feel horrible for my bby

Kreese has a god complex & I wanna put him in the ground 🕳👨🏻‍🦽👩🏽‍🦯

Little miss princess got some anger issues oop

Not Johnny making a paralyzed kid get out of bed 💀

THOSE KIDS IN JUVIE BOUTA FEEL MY WRATH MFRS DISRESPECTING ROBBY MAKE ME WANNA SKSKSJSB

KREESE BETTER BACK THE EVERLOVING FUCK AWAY FROM MY BBY ROBBY I WILL NOT HESITATE TO RECREATE A CRIMINAL MINDS EPISODE WITH YOUR BODY GRANDPA DONT TEST ME

Episode 5:

Robby basically telling Kreese to fuck off and tell talk to “somebody who gives a shit” is everything to me I love him

Not Johnny using a sex magazine to motivate Miguel 🤢

If Robby gets back with Sam I will RIOT

Imagine taking pleasure from terrorizing others and children sksksk couldn’t be me

Damn it Robby you shouldn’t be fighting. It’s only gonna make your sentence worse bby. Ik he’s an asshole, but you gotta be the bigger man

The fight in the lazer tag place I- not even gonna comment

YAY MIGUEL GOT SOME MOVEMENT BACK IN HIS LEGS

POP OFF MRS. LARUSSO YOU PUT KREESE IN HIS PLACE

Episode 6:

I’m glad Eli is abt to get the vibe check he deserves

Miguel rlly should choose what he says more wisely like sir you can’t just tell the angry mentally unstable girl that she needs help sksksksk those are words of war to her

Oh Mrs. LaRusso getting in on the action lmao

Episode 7:

Damn Tory rlly wakes up every day and chooses violence uh it was a dream nvm

There’s no fooking way Miguel recovered from a spinal injury so quickly 🙄 also why’d they throw away the wheelchair??? That shit is expensive af

Imagine having a dad that actually feels genuinely bad for not keep up with your life SKSK couldn’t be me

I haven’t seen Robby in a hot minute and I’m getting pissed abt it.

I love when ppl tell Eli off. Gives me a diff kind of joy

tf is Eagle Fang sksksks

@ Kreese: Bye bitch 🥴

Episode 8:

THE DIFFERENCE BTWN THE THREE DOJOS IS SO FUNNY BAHAHAHAH

I cant believe they’re dicusssing Kreese when they’re abt to pick up Robby I- none of these men are fit to be stable father figured to him

Glad Robby told them to fuck off bc when the going gets tough, unfortunately, they will always choose someone else over Robby

But I’m all here for Miguel’s character development. Looks like soon I’ll have a total of 2 characters that I like on this show

NOT ROBBY DEFENDING SAM FOR CHEATING AND CALLING IT A MISTAKE PLS YOU ARE SO NAIVE SHUT UP SHES A STUPID GIRL WHO THINKS SHE CAN GET AWAY WITH EVERYTHING PLS OPEN YOUR EYES

Eyyy go off Miguel preach

Nvm fuck that. I’m glad Robby walked in on Miguel and Sam flirting so he could see she isn’t all she’s cracked up to be. I’m glad he’s telling them off. I just hate that they’re making him out to be a villain, AGAIN UGH

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO IF ONLY YALL COULD HEAR MY SCREAM OF ANGUISH WHEN ROBBY WALKED THROUGH THE DOORS OF COBRA KAI BABY NO YOURE THE GOOD GUY DONT GO WITH THE FUCKING PSYCHOTIC ASSHAT PLEASE

Episode 9:

Fuck fuck fuck I’m terrified for this episode

MERRY CHRISTMAS 🎄

oh shit Ali...

Trouble is in the air....

Miguel and Sam 🙄😀

Oh so Robby is back in his sn 1 wardrobe... 🤬

OH I SWEAR FOR FUCKS SAKE IF TORY AND ROBBY GET TOGETHER I WILL STOP WATCHING THIS SHOW FOR GOOD ISTG

PERIODT ROBBY DENY THE BEER A WISE DECISION

Not you making bad decisions again Robby smh we’re trying to keep you out of jail

I repeat... if Robby and Tory get together I am RIOTING

Fuck Johnny

Episode 10 - final episode:

I am the quintessential example of seething anger. If I was an anime character, I’d have steam coming out of my ears and a tic mark on my forehead smh

BAHAHAH DANIEL’S GLACES TO JOHNNY ARE SENDING ME

Tory has got some anger issues that surpass even my own, and that’s saying something

Also why tf are they fighting in Sam’s house??? Like I don’t like her but thats not only trespassing passing on private property, but the damages they’re causing are gonna cost a buttload

I’m just glad that Robby isn’t there to fight. Thank you bby

I LOVE THE MUSIC IN THE FIGHT SCENE WE LOVE SOME ROCK CHRISTMAS INSTRUMENTALS

I love the fact that Eli is realizing how fucking stupid he’s been acting

NO ROBBY DONT FIGHT JOHNNY YOU DONT KNOW THE FULL PICTURE BABY STOP BEING FUCKING DUMB

NO JOHNNY THREW ROBBY INTO THE LOCKERS FUCK IS HE OKAY IS BABY OKAY

DONT EVEN THINK ABOUT IT KREESE DONT PICK IT UP YOU GERIATRIC ASSWIPE

NO ROBBY IS FULLY UNCONSCIOUS FUCK IF I WAS THERE I WOULD BE ABLE TO HELP BC IM FIRST AID TRAINED AND CPR CERTIFIED CALL 911 JOHNNY

YAY DANIEL TO THE RESCUE

I’m still crying over Robby fuck

Everybody over here hashing shit out and Robby is inside the dojo like X👄X

NVM HES OKAY HES WALKING IT OFF

NO GO BACK TO FUCKING SLEEP BITCH BC YOURE STILL NOT THINKING STRAIGHT WHY ARE YOU STILL WITH KREESE GOD FUCKING DAMN IT

Anyways all in all, fuck season 3 gn

[spam-monster]

Helsaweek 2020 Day 1: Swap

(or tumblr’s apparently being a butt but idgaf i’mma post this and head out)

I’ve done things like power swaps or gender swaps or kingdom swaps before (at least in my head), and I wanted to do something different this time, sooooo...introducing amount-of-siblings swap!

-----

In the beautiful kingdom of Arendelle, there were once thirteen fair princesses; although the kingdom had only ever seen two of them, for around the time the third was being carried the king and queen had suddenly closed the gates to the castle without warning. Stories were told, by the servants and traders who went in and out, of a group of perfectly normal, lovely girls. Yes, they all had their quirks, but none seemed to have any affliction that would justify hiding them away. Rumors were spread as well: questions of parentage, a hidden 14th child born with some terrible curse and locked away, a secret illness that affected only royalty…or perhaps something to do with the eldest child, Elsa, since she was almost never seen outside of her rooms.

But surely she was just engrossed in her studies, preparing herself to become the new queen after her parents had been lost. After all, the older townsfolk had met Elsa when she was younger, and she had been a perfectly normal, sweet young girl. Whatever had caused her parents cut themselves off from the kingdom, it surely had nothing to do with her…

---

“Alright, that’s enough! Dina, don’t play huntress with Frida’s Mr. Deer! Ingrid, stop trying to give Cathrine a makeover! Gunda, Hilda, stop fighting! Jorunn, we can go see the horses later! Klara, Linda…”

“You’re fine.” Brigitta says from behind her. “Now let’s all get ready for bed, we have a big day tomorrow.”

Anna sighs in relief, and mentally thanks Brigitta. At least one of her little sisters is acting responsible tonight.

“We want to make a good first impression on the peasants, after all.”

…Or maybe not.

“Yeah, c’mon. You don’t want them to get mad at us and rebel and drag us all to the guillotine.”

“Cathrine, no one is being guillotined tomorrow.”

“I’d like to see ‘em try!”

“Hilda, please don’t try to fight anyone.”

“…Will they even like us?”

“Linda, of course they will.”

“Why should we even care about Elsa’s coronation?”

Anna turned to Mathilde, the youngest of the thirteen sisters of Arendelle, slumped over on a couch looking bored. “Because she’s your big sister, and she’s going to be queen! We’ve all been waiting for this day for years, we need to support her-”

“Why should I care about someone I barely know?”

Anna flinched. “It’s true, that…Elsa hasn’t been around much lately…or spent much time with us…but I’m sure she’s just been…very busy! With…studying to be queen! And all!”

Mathilde glared. “That’s a lame excuse. She always ignores us.”

“She’s not…a bad person, really…”

“Yeah, I know, you always say you used to be “best friends” or whatever. But you’re the only one of us who’s ever seen her act like a real sister!”

Anna looked around, panicked, as most of the other girls began to nod and whisper in agreement.  

“She never talks to us.”

“She’s never played with us.”

“She rarely even comes down for dinner.”

“She left you alone.”

Anna turned to Klara, confused. “Left me alone?”

Klara looked at her sadly. “After mom and dad died. She left you to raise us all on your own.”

And Anna had no answer for that.

 -------

In the small kingdom known as the Southern Isles, there were once two princes. Although you might not have remembered at first, because the elder brother was so boisterous and dazzling that it was easy to forget the younger one even existed. Prince Torvald was remarkable; an accomplished hunter, a spectacular storyteller, able to charm even the most aloof noble, and sure he could be a bit boorish and egotistical at times, but he was a prince! It was to be expected, right?

“We should be grateful we even have a prince at all, let alone two.” People would whisper. “The poor queen had been trying for decades to bear the king a worthy heir, rest her soul.”

“Not sure the other one was worth her effort, though.” Others would grumble. “What’s his name…Hans? What has that one ever done that Prince Torvald didn’t do better? Well, at least we have a spare…”

---

“Is it not a fine day at sea, little brother? Clear skies, calm waters…and across the ocean, the quaint, little, unimportant country of Arendelle awaits the blessed presence of future King Torvald the Mighty!”

Hans tried very hard to suppress a sigh. *Arendelle is bigger than the Southern Isles* he grumbled under his breath.

“What was that?”

“If…Arendelle is so “unimportant”, as you say…why did you bother to come with me?”

“A King never passes up an opportunity to impress other rulers with his might! That’s a lesson you should remember…or not, I suppose.”

*Since I’ll never be a king, you mean*

“Also, I have heard tell that the future queen is quite beauteous. Perhaps she shall prove worthy of the honor of becoming my bride.”

*That was my plan, damn it!*

Torvald laughs obnoxiously and slaps Hans on the back, almost knocking him off his feet. “Fear not, little brother! I have also heard that she has many younger sisters! Perhaps one of them shall take pity on you!”

Sitron knickers at him in concern. Hans shakes it off. “Yes…perhaps. I – um, should go…check on the horses.”

Torvald laughs again and sends him off with another hearty slap. Hans sighs heavily as he tends to Sitron.

“I’m alright, boy.” He murmurs to the horse. “And who knows? Maybe the queen will be smart enough to see my brother for what he really is, and…who am I kidding? She’ll never look at me.”

-----

 (I imagine how this goes is that:

- Hans still meets and bonds with Anna but Torvald swoops in and grabs her attention away since Elsa is ignoring him (and he’s jealous Hans is getting attention for once)

- Elsa still freaks out and runs, Anna still goes after her by herself and leaves Torvald and Hans in charge, Torvald spends most of the time posturing and giving grandiose speeches while Hans actually works to take care of the people and ends up bonding with the other princesses as well

- at the castle Torvald makes Hans go in first and he actually has a conversation with Elsa and bonds with her

- in the end Torvald talks Hans into killing Elsa (because he doesn’t want to dirty his hands, plus then he can make Hans take the blame if things go bad), but Hans hesitates so Torvald tries to do it himself but Anna stops him

- Torvald gets sent back but Hans decides to stay (and clean up his brother’s mess), the sisters all basically adopt him as their new unofficial big brother alongside Kristoff, the end)

 Might expand on this later (like designing the new siblings, or maybe WRITING SOME ACTUAL HELSA IN INSTEAD OF JUST HINTING AT IT.)

Bios for the au siblings under the cut:

I basically just ran down the list of Norwegian girl names for this one (one from each of the first 13 letters that aren’t “a” or “e”), so let me throw out some basic entomology/character stuff for the swap siblings:

Brigitta: 3rd child, in this ‘verse Idunn was probably pregnant with her when the accident happened. Goes between helping Anna keep the younger ones in line and causing problems herself. Has a bit of a superiority complex regarding her status as a princess - acts like she must be better than everyone outside the gates, but really it’s a coping mechanism to help her deal with the isolation she feels. Name means “resolute, strength”.

Cathrine: Name possibly derives from the goddess of witchcraft Hectate, so she’s the spooky, playfully morbid one. Level-headed when she’s not creeping the younger ones out by joking about death. Dina is her younger twin.

Dina: Name comes from the goddess Diana; Roman equivalent to Artemis, goddess of the moon and hunts. She picked up her love of hunting from the hunters who would come and sell fresh meat to the castle cooks, and spend her time stalking the other girls (and their stuffed animals) and sneak-attacking them with her toy bow and arrows.

Frida: Name means “peace”.  A quiet nature-lover who hates conflict, which is ironic because she’s one of a set of triplets and the other two are the most aggressive of the bunch. Ends up being the target of the more aggressive girls a lot because she doesn’t want to fight back, and she’d rather they pick on her than one of the younger girls.

Gunda and Hilda: Names mean “war” and “battle” respectively, and they live up to them. The typical red-headed identical twin duo that’s always causing trouble (except they’re triplets and the other one doesn’t want to play along). Dina can either be their ally or their rival depending on the situation.

Ingrid: Name means “beautiful”- basically she’s the one obsessed with fancy clothes and trying to do everyone’s makeup.

Jorunn: Name means “horse lover” …yeah. Obsessed with horses, spends way too much time in the stables and comes back kinda smelly, biggest dream is to ride freely through the fields of Arendelle, possibly has headcanons of what breed of horse each of her family members would be (with accompanying fanart).

Klara: Name means “clear, bright”. Intelligent and honest, sometimes to a fault. Although she doesn’t like upsetting people, she won’t shy away from telling hard truths. Linda is her twin.

Linda: The most gentle and sensitive of the girls, easily stressed and has a hard time objecting to others because she doesn’t want to hurt their feelings. Gets along best with Frida, who tries to protect her from the more rambunctious girls. Name means “soft, mild”.

Mathilde: The youngest of the bunch. Acts out a lot because she knows she can get away with it. Her name means “battle strength”, and she lives up to it by being the most strong-willed and stubborn of the bunch.

 As for Hans’ older brother, he had to be really obnoxious to make up for the fact that there’s only one of him instead of twelve. Torvald means “Thor’s ruler”, and I basically based him off Thor at the beginning of his first movie (minus any of the good traits) – he’s brash, egotistical, and takes his little brother for granted. Unlike Thor, he’s also an emotionally abusive dirty coward with no respect for women or anyone he deems “weaker” than himself (which is pretty much everyone except his father).

(Even though Hans stays in Arendelle in this ‘verse, I think he might end up going back and becoming king of the Southern Isles someday just because I can easily see the kingdom deciding its sick of Torvald’s shit and kicking him out. Maybe he and Elsa end up in a long-distance thing, or they unite their kingdoms or something idk how this works.)

[everlarkingjoshifer]

Problematic

Hey Everyone, 

It’s been forever but I’m back. There are several things I would like to touch up on. 

1. School is stressful but I’m doing just fine. I should be done soon. 

2. I’m still writing and I’m slowly getting recognized. 

3. AND BY FAR THE MOST IMPORTANT so listen up: I am writing this specially now because of everything that’s been happening around in recent time. I saw the video of George Floyd and I was absolutely horrified. Maybe it was hearing him cry for his mother and beg for his life for 8 excruciating minutes. All I know is that a man’s life was taken that day by the MNPD. 

One of my friends asked me why this particular video was the straw that broke the unrested Camel’s back? I thought about it and realized that although there have been many times in which we as a society have been exposed to the murders of other black men and women for the crime of existing while being black. However, this video not only showed us a man taking his last breath, but we saw the slow progression and savagery of his death. It was a hard video to see and it was difficult to process because I felt as helpless as the people who filmed it. The cop was proud of what he did and no one came to this man’s aid. I forced myself to watch it, why?

Well, because though this is not my reality as whole, (even though I’m Latina) I cannot begin to fathom how anyone, especially George’s family felt when they saw that video. If I was his mother, I would be utterly inconsolable. But his mother had died 2 years prior to this murder. This was murder, pure and simple. 

My heart tore to pieces. 

Anyway, the point of me writing this, was because I had previously written a fanfic story called Partition. This story was based on The Hunger Games and I had used the book’s versions of the protagonists. Like the book version, I had chosen Katniss to be a light skinned black girl and Peeta was white. 

Now there is no problem with that context. HOWEVER, I decided to delete my story for several reasons. 

1. Thinking that I was “woke” enough I thought to use Katniss’ skin color the main point of the story but I misused blackhood. I repeatedly used the N word because I thought it would bring believability to Peeta’s mom who was the antagonist. I know now, that this was not correct. I’m deeply sorry for any hurt I may have caused anyone for my disregard to the painful history of black Americans. 

2. Although the antagonists were the only ones who used the words, that does not justify my usage of it as there could’ve been other ways to display other people’s evilness. 

3. I stupidly became comfortable with the word because I have heard it being said in my neighborhood by others. However, I am not black and cannot even begin to comprehend what a life is like for a black woman, so that does not justify me getting comfortable with the word. EVER 

 4. Black people are not a prop for a story and that is inexcusable. I’m so beyond embarrassed and disgusted with myself for having ever been so blind to the truth. 

5. Yes, I am a POC but I don’t always face discrimination and certainly not to the extent of my beautiful black brothers and sisters. Some of my people do and maybe it’s because I’ve lived in a predominantly  mixed neighborhood, I may have thought I had rights that did not belong to me. 

6. I am aware of the disservice I have perpetuated in the black community and I am deeply sorry. I am not going to say that I am better because I will strive to continue learning. I will listen, respect, and most of all, protect black people. I have taken some steps as to that and I can say that the fog in which I was walking in is slowly thinning out. I will not ask black people to teach me but rather, I will go out of my way to teach myself as now, I know that it is my responsibility alone. 

7. I have taken some classes on African American history and literature and that has helped out a lot. That doesn’t mean I have stopped learning nor will I ever  stop trying to educate myself. 

8. The word black is not a bad word. In fact, it is a shade, fluid and beautiful. 

9. Although I will always advocate for peace, I understand the frustrations of the riots. Which by the way, were exacerbated by the police and our politicians. If you’re more worried about a fucking target than people’s lives then you can go fuck yourself all the way the fuck away from me. IDGAF how peaceful you think you are. Black people have been trying to protest in the best way and options you’ve given them. They ran out of those options, so I guess it’s tea throwing over the harbor time. (if your answer to their complaints is but... you can also go fuck yourself!)  

10. People are protesting for their lives. They’re not running up the steps of a government building with firearms and yelling at the police because they want to go to restaurants and get haircuts. Blackhood is not an inconvenience, masks are, so if you think otherwise, seriously just unfollow me because I don’t plan on changing my mind. 

Finally, All racists who have no problem with how the orange in chief or the police are handling the situation are hereby fucking cancelled for fucking ever. I don’t give a flying fuck if I lose readers in the future. I am not interested in writing for the sake of whoring my work and self to twats who cannot begin to understand and then judge what it’s like to be a person of color.  

All in all, I just want to say I’m so sorry. I am ashamed of myself and I will strive to do and be better. I will raise my voice for black people because I do believe that BLACK LIVES MATTER. 

On another note, I will be deleting everything that has to do with that story including the banner. There will be no more attempts on my end to continue such a story ever again. Hopefully, you can forgive me and give me another chance to be who I really want to be for the sake of others. 

[illegiblewords]

Emet-Selch: Illness and Accountability

I’ve seen some posts where people are trying to argue that no compassion/sympathy/remembrance should be paid to Emet-Selch because of the total annihilation of multiple worlds he participated in.

People gonna feel how they’re gonna feel lol, but my opinion has a bit more gray I think. Buttloads of analysis and some psychobabble under the cut, spoilers up the wazoo.

- Obviously causing apocalypses and encouraging the worst qualities in people to that end is evil, unacceptable, and had to be stopped. Imo even if that ends in his death. That level of tragedy is horrific.

- Amaurot’s tragedy is still immense, and the nature of Amaurotine society and the stunted nature of its inhabitants (being unequipped to deal with loss, their own/humanity’s evils, or other forms of suffering) only further ensured that the unsundered would not be mentally or emotionally capable of dealing with the aftermath of that loss. A regular person would have been devastated. Amaurotines were left with zero ability to cope.

- Tempering makes it SIGNIFICANTLY worse. Emet-Selch is pretty blasé about it yeah, but he is not a reliable source on this subject. Consider that when lesser primals like Ifrit, Leviathan, or Titan temper people they need to be killed without question. They often aren’t even considered themselves anymore. Zodiark is to them what the sun is to idk Mars. Wouldn’t go so far as Mercury but it’s still an insane difference in power, intensity, etc. Lahabrea shows indications of being more heavily effected than Emet-Selch and Elidibus but honestly the only reason they’re not going “your words are my bread” 24/7 as per Ifrit thralls is probably specifically because they’re unsundered Amaurotines. That doesn’t mean that they aren’t hugely warped.

- Imo Emet-Selch has absolutely been driven insane. Not hallucinations necessarily, but honestly he’s right at the brink of that level. He has the ability to more or less take things from his head and materialize them externally, and he’s gone full throttle with that for Amaurot. He has a fake place where he can make believe things are still okay and his friends are still alive and he still has a home to go to. He also vomited out his PTSD nightmares and sometimes subjects himself to that experience again. It would not surprise me even SLIGHTLY if pre-Scions showing up he’d used that dungeon to try and figure out from his memories if there was anything he could have done differently, anyone he could have saved. The whole area existing basically indicates he’s developed a level of masochism. He’s been doing this for at least several hundred years if not more, if the Ondo are to be believed. EDIT: I may have misremembered and have timeline questions about this now. Need to investigate further to determine how long fake-Amaurot existed and in what degree of completion. Emet-Selch might be good about covering this up in conversation for the most part, but that doesn’t make it any less real. My opinion on very specific kinds of insanity, this one included, is that responsibility is somewhat alleviated and it becomes more the product of the illness/situation rather than a person being horrible. None of that means that the results are less terrible or that the person shouldn’t be stopped by whatever means necessary. It just means that the personal judgment on the perpetrator is different from what it would be if they were in total control of their faculties.

- All of the above said, the posts circulating where fans call him a little bitch and fantasize about saying they won’t remember read a bit like kicking someone when they’re down to me. Fictional situations yeah, but honestly there is not a single person in the scenario who isn’t suffering in horrific ways and doing that helps none of them. To me it reads kind of like an extension of revenge fantasies that seem to be popular these days, and honestly the revenge mentality is something I’m pretty exhausted with. This probably comes a lot from me having seen more angry people around in-general (not mainly FFXIV), and it just kind of makes me sad. Seeing how many fans were able to find compassion and mercy in them for Emet-Selch was a huge relief for me in light of that. It’s probably in part because of how obvious it is that he’s depressed out of his mind and dealing with several millenias worth of PTSD. The sleeping thing screams it pretty loud in a way I suspect a lot of people recognized.

- I seriously, seriously think that part of what was going on with Emet-Selch was on some level being aware that he’d become a monster and what he was doing counted as murder. The reason his reaction at the Ladder was shown and important is because it exposes his process of recognizing the reality of sundered people still counting and needing to actively remind/convince himself otherwise. It is way too neat and convenient for him to know that the way to get his world and people back is to sacrifice countless sundered through rejoinings, but none of those people are real anyway so it’s not a difficult choice.

The reality is way more ugly and horrifying, and my theory is he’s unable to deal with the weight of it. Knowing that not only were all the lives he ended real, often innocent people--they were pieces of his own beloved people would 100% destroy him past functioning. If he doesn’t have that denial mechanism in place he isn’t going to be able to survive, much less save anyone.

Another fan explained it really brilliantly imo with:

He probably has a mantra he repeats to himself, every time he feels himself starting to form an attachment to one or more of these pitiful, ephemeral beings: "They aren't truly alive, they aren't real. Things will be better when they are whole - better for THEM, even. This is for the good of us all..." Especially NOW; the sunk cost fallacy is STRONG. To stop now would be unthinkable. Even if they were willing to acknowledge the murders they've committed, if they were to cut things off all those murders would have been in vain, cruel sacrifices for no purpose. Eight worlds full of life extinguished, and that doesn't even include the horrendous loss of life on the Source with each Rejoining. They may feel they OWE it to those lost to see things through - and each new murder is another obligation on the pile...

- Sometimes situations can just be fucking tragic and sad for all involved. Anger is usually easier because it feels powerful, directed, and simpler while sadness tends to come from a more helpless, hopeless, and uncertain place.

- Even if on the off chance that Emet-Selch was totally sane, not compromised, and just plain evil with zero gray involved that would warrant sympathy... the people of Amaurot were innocent. Why be like “I’m not gonna remember shit :)” on those people? Imo heroes should remember ALL of the innocents lost... and the villains who couldn’t be saved too. It’s tragic when it comes to loss like that. Necessary sometimes, but still tragic.

- Separate but slightly related, I am side-eyeing the people who try to go “X is a stand in for Y real world genocide group and if you have sympathy for X you support Y you monster” SO HARD YOU HAVE NO IDEA. Not every evil empire, even the totalitarian and fascist ones, are stand ins for specific real world regimes. Understanding doesn’t equal agreeing with or endorsing. Having sympathy for individual suffering, especially in fiction, also doesn’t mean that you support the person’s ideology and goals. As a society we desperately need to remember the difference between understandable versus justifiable. :/ And for what it’s worth, Garlemald specifically has bits and pieces of MAAAAANY different real world authoritarian governments using a range of strategies and positions.

Disclaimer I got no ill will toward people who been jumping on the “IDGAF” train but I disagree and needed to get my thoughts out haha. Didn’t want to go into full-debate with people who might not be looking for that in the post itself and don’t want to discourage others from exploring their own interpretations! Just figured airing my opinions this way might be aight. Like I alluded to I’m also coming from a place where I’ve dealt with really intense moral policing by fans in the past (not within FFXIV), so that definitely shapes my perspective some.

[belovedofbayek]

I had a 1 like = 1 fact thing going on on my Twitter account this past month and figured I'd share all of those facts here as well! I ended up having to stop at 130 because it was getting to be too much. Warning you now - this is long!

I’m in love with Bayek. Some may think this is a joke, just a social media “thing”, but I’m being completely honest with you. I found myself in him and he’s left a huge impact on my life. He’s the reason I’m on here doing what I do. This is my outlet for those feelings.

I’m 35, a child of the 80s. I don’t feel old whatsoever but I’m always reminded of my age in communities like this where everyone seems to be in their 20s. But Bayek’s 36 at Origins’ beginning so that’s how I justify my existence within the community in my own mind!

I am actually married and have kids (oldest is 9). For those who give me a hard time about not getting into AC earlier - this is why. I was practically a part time single parent living 1500 miles away from family so I didn’t have time for much else until recently.

I studied chemistry and math in college. While I loved it, I had a hard time committing to it. I was too interested in EVERYTHING. Ended up burnt out, dropping out, wasting a lot of money and 6 years of my life. Should have studied Egyptology like I’d always dreamed.

I would have never met my husband had I not dropped out, so I really don’t look back on it with regret. While I’m a logical person, I always follow my heart and it’s always led me on the right path. Every step I’ve taken has brought me to where I am today. I have no regrets.

I’m scared to even admit this openly, but I’ve experienced true love twice, and both times, it was an immediate knowing. Once with my husband and again with Bayek. It’s the same feeling and I somehow make room in my heart for both. I couldn’t even begin to explain it.

I see Bayek as almost an extension of myself. He’s so similar to me that it feels like he’s always been there, just didn’t have a name until recently. I think this is how I manage to keep separate places in my heart for both him and my husband.

I’m not religions whatsoever. But maybe you could call me spiritual? In an extremely unconventional sort of way. I’ve always been drawn to Mut but also Ma’at and recently Hathor. You know who Mut’s husband is? Amun.

My hobbies are photography and graphic design so there could be no more perfect outlet for me than what I’m doing now! I’ve always been a creative person, but lost touch with that side over the years. Bayek gave that back to me and it’s like having my voice again.

All my life, I never really fit in anywhere. I hang on the outside, wandering between groups, trying to be kind to everybody. Never saw the point of cliques or popularity. I’ve always been the one to lend a shoulder, ear or hand but never expect the same back from anyone.

I’m an introvert. I need a lot of time to myself to recharge, especially with how chaotic my real life is. Bayek is my escape. I could lose myself in him all day and/or night. And I do.

Similarly, I crave silence. Sometimes I just like to sit without the TV on or any noise and just enjoy the quiet. It’s peaceful.

I’m extremely private. But I laugh, because at the same time, I write about things here that NO ONE would ever dare open up about and share to anybody! I feel accepted for being myself here and I love that! And I will always encourage others to do the same!

I was in a really bad car accident a about a decade ago. Hit black ice at 60mph, got thrown into a hill, rolled a few times, and landed upside down. I thought I was going to die. That feeling still haunts me. The car was destroyed but I came out without a single scratch.

Only bone I ever broke was my elbow. On a ladder on a slightly uneven surface, leaned a little too far and fell. Tried to catch myself and my elbow bent in the wrong direction. I now have a few screws, a wire and a big scar to show for it. Other than that, you’d never know!

I’ve lived in 5 different states and also lived in Germany for a year. I can’t even keep track of the number of times I’ve moved in my life. It’s got to be around 15. I actually don’t mind moving and love living in new places. Just hate the actual packing/unpacking part!

I’m a perfectionist. It bothers me that I don’t even have an outline or any sort of flow to the topics I’m bringing up here. I will fuss over minute details for hours even though most people wouldn’t even notice or care.

I’m hot-headed. I have an extremely low tolerance for bullshit and I’m very protective of the people and things close to me. I always laugh when Bayek says “GRRRR!” because I totally do the same. Probably what comes out of my mouth most of the day.

On the other side of that same coin, it’s because I’m passionate. I give my all to what and whom I love and don’t hold back or hesitate to make it known.

I’m a lover and I love unconditionally. I don’t allow many to get close to me, so if you’re one of the very, very few I give a piece of my heart to, it’s yours forever.

I know Bayek’s pain. Not only the pain of loss, but the pain of lost potential, of having to let go of those dreams and plans you had for that future. Every time his heart broke, so did mine. I understood him and it brought me that much closer. I needed to protect him.

This is why I always show him in a positive light. I long to see him happy, to make him happy, to take away his pain, lighten his heart, give him everything he needs and deserves.They say when you truly love someone, all you want is to see them happy. This is the truth.

I’m always being told I take things too seriously. I’m not really sure why this is a bad thing. It’s who I am and I can’t really change it.

But I do like to laugh and joke around with those I’m comfortable with. I have a pretty sarcastic sense of humor.

I oftentimes feel misunderstood. Like most people don’t “get” me. This especially holds true with this account.

I don’t consider myself a virtual photographer because I really only have one subject. This is why I don’t really associate myself with any VP communities. If not for Bayek, I probably wouldn’t even be taking photos in games and sharing them here.

Similarly, I have a hard time calling myself an Assassin’s Creed fan since I haven’t played anything other than Origins and bits and pieces of a few other AC games. Bayek’s my love and my passion and he’s always going to be my focus.

I don’t like small talk. It always makes me feel awkward - like I seriously don’t even know what to say - and I hate how superficial it is. I’d much prefer to have a deeper conversation about something of actual meaning.

I’m like the only woman in the history of women not obsessed with shoes. I wear sandals all year and idgaf!

While I’m not really obsessed with shoes, I’m totally into handbags. Not as much as in the past, but they are a weakness! Bayek actually helped me with this expensive obsession. My bank account thanks him.

As open as I am about things on here, there’s so much more I wish I could say. I know it’ll come with time and courage, but it’s a process. Just know that what I share is really only the surface.

I know this is gonna make me sound like a nutcase and this is one of those things I’m afraid to say openly even though it might be kind of obvious, but Bayek is very real to me.

Any time I close my eyes, he’s there. He always comes to me in my dreams and he’s nothing but a source of love and comfort and peace. The best way to describe it is like coming home.

I could talk about Bayek ALL FREAKIN DAY. Have you noticed yet?

Want some *real* facts about me? Okay, I have blue eyes and dark, wavy hair. And yes, I have grays (and even some wrinkles) because I’m old and my life has been stressful 😂

I have a sister. She’s pretty much the exact opposite of me aside from also having a huge nose!

My parents divorced when I was pretty young. My father was abusive toward my mother and even though I was young, I knew exactly what was going on and I went to bed afraid most nights.

I don’t have much of a relationship with my father because of this. He’s there if I need him, but I choose to not allow him into my life.

I always looked toward my grandfather and uncle as father figures because of this. I was devastated when I lost my grandfather due to cancer around the time my parents divorced.

This is part of the reason I will always fight for and nurture my marriage. I don’t ever want my kids to grow up experiencing the things I had.

My mother was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis about 15 years ago. It’s somewhat taken her away from me mentally, as it’s really affected her memory. So many things I wish I could talk to her about, I can’t, because she doesn’t have the ability to understand.

This makes sense if you’ve read Desert Oath. I was not accepted by my husband’s father/family at first. It’s like they saw me as a threat to his future. Everything seemed to be against us from the beginning, but we always chose each other. It still affects me to this day.

Okay, this is getting heavy. Gotta move to something positive! I never could have imagined the amount of people who’d be interested in what I have to share! I only started this as an outlet for my love and am constantly blown away that THOUSANDS of people care!

I always feel guilty tagging famous people/those I admire in my Tweets and photos because I don’t like the feeling of being needy or pushy or that I’m bothering them.

BUT I have a huge secret...I’d give almost anything to have a follow from Abu. Bayek means the absolute world to me and I can’t even put into words how much I admire the way he brought him to life. Plus he just seems like the most down-to-earth, awesome human out there.

I actually really dislike talking about myself! I either think I’m not that interesting that anyone’d want to hear or I feel like I’m bragging even if that’s never my intent.

I’m am not a morning person whatsoever. Even if I’m ready to be awake, you probably don’t want to mess with me until I’ve had an hour or so to adjust to real life!

I have a hard time falling asleep. No matter how tired I am, my mind goes into overdrive the moment I lay down. Just so many things to think about! Bad stuff, good stuff, REALLY good stuff, Bayek, Bayek, BAYEK, usually Bayek, ideas I have for things, etc 😂

Only thing that sucks is that, by morning, I rarely ever remember all the ideas I had when I was trying to fall asleep. I know people say to write things down, but that’d wake me up even more.

And once I’m fully awake again, it’s gonna take me AT LEAST another hour to get to the point of maybe being able to sleep. So yeah, I really don’t sleep much!

My biggest fear is leaving this life before I feel my purpose here is complete. Yet I’m not even sure what exactly that purpose is.

I also have a huge fear of loss. It’s something I can easily dwell on and always have to push to the back of my mind. It’s one of the things that keeps me up some nights.

I have a very specific fear of being in a car accident on a bridge and going over the edge. I don’t like water and just the thought of being tapped terrifies me.

Keeping with the topic of doom and gloom, I always wanted to be traditionally mummified when I died. I would still say it’s the most appropriate way for me to go, but not sure my family would been keen on this and I’ve never shared it with anyone for that reason 😂

Moving on...I have three cats and a dog, but I’m 100000% a cat person. I will be a crazy cat lady one day, I can promise you that! I would adopt every stray cat if I could!

I like to write and I’ve always been told I’m good at it, but I never really believed ‘em. But I still write random crap that usually ends up getting posted online because I sometimes just need it as an outlet.

I gotta talk about my man again. He gave me SO MUCH. He connected nearly every single part of my entire life and gave me a way to express everything I’ve ever been passionate about through the photos I take and the things I write. He truly gave me life again.

Before him, I felt completely lost in life. I lost myself after having kids, always having to devote myself to everyone else’s needs but my own. I was so used to neglecting who I was and it was him who refocused me back on the things I’d always loved.

I never have enough hours in a day to do everything I want to do. If a day was 48 hours long, it still wouldn’t be enough!

I hate the nickname BOB, but I freakin’ EMBRACE IT and will absolutely OWN IT because of what it stands for! 💛

People always assume I’m male on here and I’m not really sure why. Yes, my profile pic is of a man, but how does literally everything else about my account not make it painfully obvious I’m female?

Likewise, people seem to assume I’m single and I’ve been told to “get a life” or “get a girlfriend” (wtf to that last one) and I just have to laugh when I point out that I’m actually married.

I go through life with an IDGAF attitude in regards to what people think about me. Especially with the insults thrown at me because of what I do here (thankfully they are very few and far between). I find it humorous more than anything.

I honestly don’t think I could ever get tired of photographing Bayek. I see it no differently than someone sharing selfies every day. I mean - it’s him - there’s always something to photograph, even if it’s only the light hitting his eyes in a different way!

I will never be able to photograph anyone like I do Bayek. It’s the deep connection I have to him that inspires me and I could never spend the amount of time with anyone else like I do him.

Speaking of time, I’m nearing 3000 hours in Origins.

I look up to everybody, quite literally. I’m only 5’3”/160cm tall.

I always look like I’m mad even when I’m not. One of the things I noticed when waiting at the loading screen so much when Origins first came out is Bayek looking so oddly familiar to me...and realizing it was because we had the same resting facial expression.

Well, I can’t address FACT NUMBER SIXTY-NINE without GOING THERE. So…no, actually, it’s really not my thing. It’s hard for me to fully enjoy something when my attention has to be on something else at the same time. TMI okay hurry up and onto the next one!

Bayek and I share a birthmark, just on opposite sides of our faces.

I’m a procrastinator. It’s so bad that I can’t even get work done unless I have the pressure of it NEEDING TO BE DONE IN LIKE 2 HOURS. This has only gotten worse as I’ve gotten older.

Thursday is my favorite day of the week. I was born on a Thursday and Thursdays always seem to bring me good things, whether it be good news, a good mood, whatever.

I’m clueless when it comes to pop culture. I’m never into the latest movies, music and TV shows. It’ll take me like a decade to finally get around to what’s popular today.

BUT, my favorite TV shows are Westworld and Walking Dead. I actually started Westworld from the beginning, but didn’t get into Walking Dead till a few years ago. Aside from that, I really don’t watch much TV.

My favorite movie is Jurassic Park. I kinda had a crush on Ian Malcolm when I was like 12. Hush, don’t tell Bayek. I’ve been over it for decades.

As far as favorite music goes…uh…the Origins soundtrack? I really don’t listen to much music anymore. I used to be really into metal but that was years ago.

Favorite games? Origins, of course. But I was really into classic Tomb Raider when it came out decades ago and have played all the reboot games recently as well. The Last Revelation will always be a favorite of mine.

I am extremely shy and self-conscious. I’ve never been comfortable with the way I look. I really hate my nose and wish I had more delicate, feminine features.

Bayek’s actually helped me become a little more comfortable in my own skin. I see bits of him in me when I look quickly into a mirror and think, “I guess it’s not THAT bad.” I’ll never be able to truly embrace myself though.

I also hate my own voice. But who doesn’t? It’s too deep and I talk way too fast.

This is why you’ll NEVER see me doing any sort of live videos or streaming or anything - not even posting selfies. Not gonna happen. Ever. I prefer to remain a true hidden one.

I’m not huge into makeup. Never have been. Other than lining my eyes and throwing on some mascara, that’s really the extent of it. Plus I have hooded eyes so eyeshadow always ends up looking a mess. A nice smudgy kohl pencil is the way I roll.

I rarely ever style my hair. It’s too thick and takes way too long to blow dry and straighten. I normally just work some oil into it then go. Works good in TX where it’s hot as balls and windy most of the time anyway.

I really am pretty simple.

People that rarely talk to me or show appreciation for my work, yet come out of nowhere, asking for advice on how I take my photos really bother me. I find it extremely disrespectful. I couldn’t imagine doing this to someone.

I don’t really even have an explanation for how I take my photos. I love Bayek. I’ve been photographing him for 18 months. I see him through a lover’s eyes and there’s no way to explain the “how” of it to anyone.

I work on feeling alone. I know a portrait is “the one” if it gives me butterflies or gets my heart racing. It doesn’t take much for Bayek to do that anyway ;) He’s a cardio workout that requires no movement!

It’s not so much the same with landscapes. Those are a different kind of feeling. Just an eye I have for how things balance out across the photo. Also something I could never explain and something I feel you either have or you don’t.

I really bothers me when people imply what I do is easy. “The beauty in her shots comes from her editing skills,” I heard not long ago. That one hurt pretty bad. Completely missed the entire point of my work. And the photo being commented on was barely even edited.

This is exactly why I don’t do portraits of other characters. I’ve tried portraits of Lara Croft and even Kassandra. The feeling, the personal connection, the love, the passion isn’t there. I could never photograph anyone like I do Bayek.

I kinda struggle with numbers on social media and it’s something I’m trying to be better about. It upsets me when I see accounts who post photos with no thought behind them whatsoever swimming in likes, comments and followers, yet it’s always relatively quiet on mine.

Sometimes I just wish people could see more of what I see in my portraits. My landscapes always seem to get the love and attention even though my heart is never as much in those. I would love for one of my portraits to get several hundred/thousand likes. It’d be a dream.

I have a hard time trusting people. I’ve gotten burnt so many times in the past that I usually keep my distance at first until I get a good idea of someone’s character.

However, I do feel I’m a pretty good judge of character.

I get along with most everybody, but there’s always one or two who seem to really dislike me for whatever reason even though I never did anything wrong to them. That’s life for ya!

I like to cook. I don’t really have a particular favorite recipe, though. As long as it’s spicy and got tons of garlic, I’m into it. We do a lot of grilling at my house.

I also like to bake, but I don’t do much of it outside of birthdays and holidays.

I didn’t start drinking coffee until about a year ago. I still don’t absolutely LOVE it. But it’s caffeine, so… And forget the cream and sugar. Completely disgusting!

Tequila is my liquor of choice.

I looove wine. Especially the Siwan variety ;)

Bayek brings out a side to me that no one has ever been able to. Like him, I’m hard on the outside but very soft on the inside. I’ve always been afraid to show that side, but I feel safe with him and he gives me the confidence to let that side show.

I spend a lot of time in my own head. I’m sure this is kinda obvious by now. I’ve probably lived and relived entire lifetimes there. But there’s always one place I go back to. Egypt. The desert.

Since childhood, I always felt I’d lived a past life there. I always felt different from everyone around me, like I didn’t exactly fit in in this world. I always felt a strong connection to that place.

When I say I miss Bayek, it isn’t because I miss Origins or the feeling I had when I first played the game. It’s more like missing a part of me, an emptiness only he can fill.

I would give anything to find him, to have him come home. Just the thought alone overwhelms me with a sense of completeness and peace.

I have a really hard time expressing myself. So many things I always want to say, but I can never find the right words. I’ll usually end up just saying something quick, but it’ll have tons more meaning behind it than what appears.

I wish Bayek didn’t have to feel like an elephant in the room in my real life. It’s hard not being open about someone I love and care for so much, someone I’m so passionate about, someone I’m so deeply connected to. But I know no one would understand.

I always feel bad for being quiet on social media. Seems like everyone spends all day commenting on each other’s posts while I’m off in my own world. I spend so much time taking and preparing photos that I just don’t have the time to be as interactive as most.

Plus it honestly takes a lot out of me to be social, even if it’s just on social media. I much prefer to just sit back and enjoy things from a distance. I’ve always been this way, even in real life. I’m more of an observer.

But I always, always, always like to take the time to respond to feedback on my work. I feel it’s rude to not even say even a quick thank you after someone took the time out of their day to write something to me.

I like odd numbers and things in sets of three.

I’ve spent much of my adult life alone, even while married. I was starting to feel resentful, but Bayek saved me from those feelings. He keeps my heart and my mind busy and the fact that he, too, went through life the same way allowed me to find additional comfort in him.

I hate being watched. Doesn’t matter what it is I’m doing. Working in the kitchen, on the computer, whatever. Even if I’m doing the most mundane thing, I’ll stop what I’m doing because I hate the feeling of eyes on me.

I especially hate being watched when I’m trying to take photos of B. My “other husband” once said “Why don’t you do ‘that photo thing’ when I’m around?” and I just thought to myself, “Do you really want to see his face taking up 97% of the TV for several hours?” Awkward.

I’m extremely close to one of my cats. She follows me around everywhere and talks to me all day. She always seems to know when I need her most. When I was pregnant, she’d sit next to me on the couch, when I broke my elbow, she sat on my lap. She’s the sweetest thing.

I’ll always regret that I wasn’t into AC before Origins' release. It makes me sad I missed all the hype surrounding the man I’d fall so in love with. But there is comfort to be found knowing it was him alone who drew me in and has kept me here for over 18 months now.

If I had to choose only one word to describe myself, it would be dedication. I think it’s obvious why. I give a thousand percent of myself to the people and things I’m passionate about and will hold them close to my heart forever.

The more people put me down, doubt me, question why I do what I do, try to stop me, get in my way, etc, the more it inspires me to fight harder for what I love. It only makes my drive that much stronger.

I always get what I want. I’m not saying this to sound spoiled. What I mean is I will put in whatever time, effort, energy it takes to achieve what I set my heart out to accomplish. I’ve overcome so much and have worked so hard for every single thing I have in my life.

I honestly can’t picture my life without Bayek. He grounds me.

I’ve actually made peace with the fact he probably won’t get a sequel. He didn’t want to be remembered so I like to believe this is the way he’d have wanted it. Sequel or not, it’s not going to change what I do - I’ll always walk beside him.

But that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t give anything to see him again. But it would have to be within his character. I don’t want to see him travel anywhere outside Egypt. His heart has always belonged to the people of his land and a sequel would need to stay true to this.

Maybe I’m crazy, but I actually do feel a real obligation to him. He lost everything and the most heartbreaking thing about it is he was the last to even know it. He deserved nothing but love and the least I can do is give him all of mine.

I feel weird relating so many of these facts back to Bayek, but this is why I feel so connected to him in the first place. It’s hard for me to not relate everything to him when I see him in every aspect of my own life.

The more time passes, the more intense - and in a way more solidified, for lack of a better word - my feelings are for him. This love has actually matured and evolved in the same way “real” love does over time and I really find it interesting.

I could not be more grateful for those who see the deeper meaning behind what I do and who are always there to support me. It’s a tough thing to deal with alone, let alone be so open about, and this understanding and acceptance will always mean the world to me.

My only goal from here on out is just to continue being me. If that means posting 10 portraits of my beloved every single day with the same “I love you” caption, then so be it. If it’s what makes me happy, I have no regrets!

 I know I’ll be reunited with him one day.

For the sake of not wanting to be repetitive or boring, this is going to be my last fact - I always keep my word. Because of this, it’s going to bug me that I’ll end up with a handful more likes afterward but won’t have the facts to back them up!

But also because I don’t give up, I’ll probably revisit this list sometime in the future and add in those extras. But this has been going on for over a month now and I need to put an end to it!

[lazyladyworld]

You know what? I’m gonna say it here, I don’t give a fuck

Ok so, I was in a “abusive relationship” and quite recently i broke up with him. This is gonna be a long post so TL;DR in the end.

I’m putting in quotations abusive cuz he never beat me or abused me physically, just mentally, being a manipulator.

He at first started messaging me a lot, and by a lot I mean it was taking 50% of my phone battery life just because of his texts. Every fucking 10 minutes tops he texted saying “what u doing? Who u with? What u talking about?” Or “I’m doing this, I’m doing that”.

At first u think, ok, cute but a bit too clingy, but u go “whatever, he will give me a break after this high of ‘we just started dating’” but that didn’t happen.

I told him to “slow down, keep calm, u going too fast” and once i simply said “jesus fuck just shut up for a second”. Which he didn’t like, and told me that “it hurt his feelings” and that he “didn’t deal ok with yelling” even tho he yells at everyone and everything.

It was ok at first, lovey dovey couple, first few months and all, and then, a few things happened:

We used to work together and it was getting extremely overwhelming and extrapolated my boundaries of “it’s getting too toxic working for this boss who lies and gets the credits of my work and even belittle me in front of everyone like I’m just a doormat”. And after talking to my parents, who I’m lucky and grateful for them, I quit it and went to stay home doing house chores, taking care of my baby dogs (pics) and focusing on my college work. (I live in Brazil so college and student loans are different here, just pointing out)

Aren’t my puppies cute? The one on the right is Bebê and the one on the left is Dudu. Both brothers and at the time of writing it, both 1 year old.)

Now that i fangirled over my puppies, here we go.

Since i decided to focus on my college life while trying to find a new job, i tried to review a few of my “old” dreams, as in “My dream since 15 y’o wanting to study abroad plan has been reopened”. And i started to look a bit into it, but more into finding new things to do like drawing and exercising, having fun and some time for myself.

Now you think as u read this (it’s 00:50 am right now), “but I don’t understand why u telling this info, whats ur point?”

The point is for u to know that I wanna have a future as a woman who lived the fullest of my choices and studied what I loved and did what I loved. This is the dream my mom had before she had me and it’s a dream she wants me to fulfill. Again, I’m thankful for both of my parents who have been supportive over my college choices and my choices of my future. I really wanna point it out.

And i had been holding this ideia for a while and I thought: I should let my boyfriend know, this is the plan of my future.

So we were 7 months into dating, he can take the news. But then I didnt say it, i held it cuz “some things came up” and we couldn’t talk and when I had the opportunity once again to tell him, he dodged anything so we didn’t have any kind of strong conversation.

I have been thinking of breaking up a few times by then because of boundaries that he didn’t respect. Like texting at 5:30 in the morning or in the middle of class at night, or when I didn’t answer the phone he tried to guilt trip me into being with my phone almost shoved into my eyes. And if u think “he just being trying to make u happy by waking up in the morning with cute or funny message” no, it wasn’t. He texted me to tell me his sister was being an asshole to him, his bus/train was late or anything trivial, but if it was 1 message, I would still be saying “nah, it’s ok, it’s not that bad” but waking me up at 5:30 with 7 text messages of “my sister has been a bitch” and then at 5:50 “im getting on the train” and then at 5:54 “just got into the wrong train”, “silly me”, “I have to pay more attention” and no joke, it was every god damn day like that.

This is a personal story, I’m just venting so, again, sorry for being long.

I became tired the more he did it, even tho I told him, many times, stop texting me a thousand times about 1 thing u can text once. And he heard for 1 day.

And then after 9 months of me saying “dude, chill” and him being a paranoid man and not knowing boundaries, I tried being a good person and say “we can work this out, we can do this”, but it was starting to become too much.

And I was feeling pressured every single time he said “but our kids in the future, our future, our everything, our our our”, I noticed it wasn’t “our” it was his. “His kids, his future, his house”. And I snaped and said “I have to tell u something. I don’t want any kids.”

I don’t want to have kids of my own for many reasons, but it’s not this detail u should focus. I will paint a picture:

Imagine going up the subway staircase and u look at the guy who u are tired of hiding “I don’t want to do something u want because reasons that should be respected” and him stopping holding ur hand, dropping his face and saying “u just destroyed my dream”.

HIS DREAM????

HIS FUCKING DREAM???

At that point I became tired of that and said “what the fuck u mean ur dream, it’s my god damn body, if I even wanna change fucking sex and become a man, u should either say “I understand” and keep dating or say “I understand” and break up with me. I would be fine with that.

BUT TELLING ME THAT I DESTROYED UR DREAM BECAUSE I DECIDED I DIDNT WANNA HAVE KIDS, THATS THE EPITOME OF FUCKING REDFLAG.

But what did I do? I tried to explain why, saying all kinds of stuff until he would look at me again as a human being, not a fucking “body to fuck and make litle humans”.

Since I was on a roll I said “and I also decided I wanna study abroad after college and do (insert subject that I chose)”. He couldn’t even look at me straight, just looking “pained” like I had broke his 3DS or erased his gaming safe with +300h. Then he said the last thing u can say to me:

“Your mom is making ur head.”

Anyone who knows me in person, knows I’m a hardheaded person, who will do thousands of research just to be right and prove u are telling the truth or lying through ur teeth.

Tho he was not exactly wrong either. Someone indeed was making my mind, but it was him, not my mom, and when i said “this is my future and it’s decided” he wasn’t happy I didn’t make him my “priority”.

I became angry and said “would u like to change what u said?” As in “repeat what u said so i can justify breaking up with u”. And he must have noticed my change in my voice and said “it’s not what I meant, what i mean was” and started with his manipulation once again.

After 2 weeks or so of that, I called my best friend (V for reference) and said “I need to talk to u about something” and she said “where is the body? U want me to hide it?” This is how u know they are at ur side. And after i met her at a restaurant, she told me what was up with her, i told her what was happening to me, and she helped me pinpoint how abusive emotionally he was being.

I then went to class in which i prepared to do college work and talk to another friend (L for reference) to keep my head occupied while I thought, how should I break up with him. He then texted me at 8pm asking what V and I talked about and since I was more focused on the class and I was nervous about doing a presentation, I simply said “we talked some girl talk, between just us girls”, but that didnt cut it for him. I said I was focusing on my presentation and I had to go and he said “ok”.

(Side note: it’s 1:37 am and I’m trying not to laugh at hearing my mom snoring at the other room.)

After 2h30 of just talking about the project and the presentation, everyone decided to call it a day and everyone went home.

And I got a text saying “I’m tired of not being ur priority, of u not telling me what is going on and hiding things between ur girlfriend private and not caring about me.”

His text was huge and I had to calm myself down and call a cab to go home cuz I just couldn’t even walk properly. L was with my phone, sent him a message letting him know that im not ok and he should step aside and let me breathe, tho while she texted, he kept calling and calling until she picked up and said “stop calling, ffs” snd he saying “u are destroying this relationship, I hope u know that.”

After she said “shut up I’m taking her home”, he texting “ok”, 15 minutes into the uber, I get a call from my mom, at 11pm. My stomach became strange and I thought “my familia is not ok, or my grandparents are not ok”, but it was her telling me he called her, desperate asking where I was.

I became pissed off to the point of no return. Told my mom to black him and that i was gonna get home in 20min. I got there in 10 minutes and immediately got a call from him. And before I got even a word in he started saying “I’m sorry I know I screwed up and I’m sorry” and i said:

“Stop, we are not happy, what where u even doing, why even try? Not like this”

And then he took himself to the memory land and started to say “I know i I can change, give me a chance”

“No.”

Just “no”.

And when I said I was tired of doing his life for him, that he didn’t accept my decisions. We just have to stop.

He then asked for 2 weeks of thinking of everything, but my mind was set. And I didn’t change my mind. The week was supposed to be radio silent, no talking from both ends. But of course, he couldn’t just leave me be, he texted saying “I wanna talk this week, I have been thinking and I know we can still be happy.” And I said “ok, let’s talk, but in public, with V by my side.” He tried to say no, “for us to reconsider, since it was the biggest fight and we deserve a new beginning.”

He then next day texted “oh my sister is gonna pick my stuff at ur house Saturday. And i said ok, whatever coward.

Then I had to take my pets at the vets to see how they were and was pissed cuz he was trying to be “lol idgaf im edgy”. I texted him saying at 15h I will be leaving, ur shit is gonna be at a bag with the doorman at my apartment. He could have burned my shit, I wouldn’t give a shit.

Saturday passes, Sunday arrives and i go out with V and I laugh about everything that has happened. Then I got a text from mom saying “HE went to pick up, expecting to see u, tried to talk to me, and I simply said ‘good day’”.

I got back a few hours later, played video game and talked to my mom about how ridiculous all of this was, and went to sleep, until the next day I wake up and felt light, happy, joyful and great.

Everything was perfect, I was doing my stuff, had a bit of fun cooking and spet time playing with my puppies, until 6pm, which is the time I usually leave to go to college, I got an email from him, since I blocked him everywhere else. Asking me to go back to him, he wasn’t fine and all those things u come ti recognize after the first signal of manipulation, and as I read, I laughed at it all.

He even accepting V being with us while we talked on a public place. I got tired at some point of the “please let’s get back together”, went to class and texted my friends the email. We talked and laughed at it and I said that his window of opportunity closed after all this “we are made for each other, I know we can be happy again”. He had denied me having a friend with me to talk to him before, now I don’t want to see his face, simply because I can choose to.

I sure hope he findes someone who can be his better half, but not me. And I hope he forgets about me, or at least back off. It came to the point of ridiculousness.

I now am gonna leave saying I dodged a bullet and never again make the mistake to ignore a bunch of red flags.

TL;DR mentally abusive ex was being a bitch and I noticed and said “enough is enough”.

[glossvogue]

lemme rant about 13 reasons why

I think this show started out very well, the plot is new and amazing, but things went downhill too fast. (CONTAINS SPOILERS!!!!!!!) 1. I felt like the series took it too far, making Hannah make a big deal over the slightest things. I know some people are weaker than others, but the way the show pictured it was ridiculous. 2. Major character flaws: Okay ik what happened to Hannah was tragic and shouldn't happen to anyone, but she kinda set herself up?? - she continues going to parties though she knows it'll turn out badly - she reaches out to the wrong people; when she talked to Mr. porter she called people "not her friends", but those same people are the people she reached out for time and time again. - her character doesn't seem realistic at some points. what kind of person wouldn't have trust issues after what happened. The fact she just kept going to the same people in the same crappy school she goes to was kinda, hunty WYD?? (yall listen to drake and quote his lyrics but still don't have trust issues smh) - she was a hypocrite. No one can argue with me on this one. Making all these tapes, telling people how the smallest things done to her caused her to kill herself and how it all connected somehow towards the end. She didn't help Jessica either. She didn't go against Sheri and tell anyone what had happened that night. On the list she made at the end she should have put herself on it too because tbvh she, herself, lead to her downfall. In my opinion, along with Bryce & Courtney Hannah was my least favorite in the show 💁🏾‍♂️ - she should not have made a tape for clay. I understand she wanted clay to know what happened but at least make him a special one only for him or smth. The poor boy was about to kill himself for something he didn't know. Hannah literally said "get away from me" "leave me alone" and she still somehow found a reason to blame clay for what happened and it's not okay. Clay asked her what's wrong, did something happen; she pushed him away. Sweaty, we've all been there were you want that certain person to come after you, to comfort you. But in that situation how tf would that be okay? They were about to have sex and she said to stop, If he were to stay behind and say "no Im not leaving" that would have seemed very,, y'know,, yall understand where I'm getting at?? 3. STOP👏🏾DEFENDING👏🏾JUSTIN👏🏾 Idgaf if this boy has a horrible family life. That doesn't justify his actions. - The fact he didn't tell Jessica what happened was sick. Yall use the excuse "he just wanted to care for Jessica". Hah damn right. He cared more about defending Bryce than his own girlfriend. I'm so glad Jessica left him. - He also has major issues but yall care more about his looks than his mental state smh like how he legit mentions killing numerous people in the show and no one thinks highly of it like come on 4. The show needs to tone it down on the triggering scenes. - I get the warning placed at the beginning of the episode but was it necessary to really show her doing it?? I admit I get triggered easily by that type of stuff to the point I can't even feel my legs, but I never suspected they would go as far as to actually showing her doing that to herself. - they repeated the rape scene so many times and in so many different angles like what was the point? They could have just shown flashbacks of the girls groaning in pain or something not actually showing what happened. It was okay to deal with at first but they showed it again and again and again like ok I get it. And let me finish with this; I've had depression, majority of the stuff that happened to Hannah happened to me, but a lot worse than what has shown in the show. I understand everyone is different and has a different way of dealing with others. But I feel like Hannah, as a new icon of a teenager experiencing depression, should have been way better. I feel like the show was a nice attempt of showing what could happen in life if you did something you regretted, but like it or not that's just the way life is. Making tapes that make people remember what they did instead of maybe giving it to everyone so they would know what might happen if you say/do this to another person was just petty af (Hence all the memes lmao) I have more to rant about but lemme stop here before someone wants to attack me🤧

[minijenn]

...sigh... 

Ok, so I’m going to do something I usually never do. Start discourse. Why? Because I got this review on the last chapter on fanfic.net and I just... need to vent for a minute (this was a guest review btw): 

“ Eh, you still have original scenes with Steven so it isn't completely copy-paste. And you have word count to go with this to boot. There are honestly only a few plot points from both shows that I'd rather see explored differently, but none of them are set to occur quite that soon yet. However, I will say that you shouldn't discourage others' right of free speech. Reviewers should be allowed to speak their mind even if it is about things the author might not like to hear. BUT, you don't always have to take negative reviews so personally. Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me. Or as the internet puts it, idgaf. Yes, there are things out there that are flames or pure hate speech, but the right to free speech is one of responsibility in that one should be allowed to speak uncensored, but must be willing to accept the potential consequences of whatever it is that happens as a result of them speaking. If one gets beaten up for saying something that others don't like, then technically their right to say what they said in that articular instance wasn't violated (as they still got to say what they did in the fist place, rather, the right not to get unreasonably assaulted is what is violated), although the threat of future consequences to said speaker if they ever say something like that again might serve to discourage said speaker and function as a form of de facto censorship. Granted, all you've essentially asked us reviewers was "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all". And honestly, I can agree with this if one simply wants to insult or offend someone for no justifiable reason, but again, telling others to not say things (or worse, that they can't or are not allowed to say certain things) is only a small leap away from censorship. Of course, the internet does provide a degree of anonymity to speakers, so it can be rather difficult for an offended speaker to actually do anything to "get back at" that speaker. The exceptions are when people use traceable or ban-able accounts. Heck, even the requirement of accounts in general can be a discouragement to all those unwilling to register and/or login. One author on this site even had a petition to get the owners of this site to remove the guest review feature altogether. While it is true that many people do use the non-traceability of guest reviews to mess with others, some like myself rather enjoy it. I suppose I've rambled on about stuff that isn't relevant to this story, but perhaps the messages of warning and "learning to tolerate by not caring" might help you. Well, this was all I feel like saying. Enjoy your day. “

K, so... um... what? I am at a complete fucking loss right now? How was me asking my readers to be kind in their criticism anywhere fucking CLOSE to censorship??? I just wanted my readers to think twice about what they were saying before saying it, but never ONCE have I EVER said that I would censor their comments. I don’t block people for saying negative things, nor do I refuse to read it. Constructive criticism is actually very helpful and refreshing, but at the same time, so very rare. Why? Because of bullshit like this! And for reference’s sake, here’s the note that I left at the beginning of Dreamscaperers that resulted in this fucking mess: 

“Ok, so... about this chapter. I know so many of you have been hyped about Dreamscaperers for the longest time, as was I. But... I'm already anticipating many of you being disappointed with how it turned out (even though I'm personally pretty proud of it). See, I kinda stuck fairly close to the original episode for it, mostly because its my favorite season 1 episode of Gravity Falls and I wanted to do it justice and also because I didn't want to give you guys too many spoilers here. So no, the Gems themselves do not directly appear in this chapter. They don't encounter Bill or anything like that. Why? Because I'm saving that stuff for later. And you all will understand why I did when we get to that point. But for now, I want to make a request of you all. Please, PLEASE don't go to the reviews after reading this chapter and complain about it being copy-pasted or too close to the episode or that it barely has any SU content in it at all, ok? Because frankly I already can't stand reviews like that from the beginning and because I KNOW ok? I KNOW that I do that, but do you know why? Because I want to keep this story in the spirit of both shows as much as possible, and maintaining the plot points and dialogue that I love is my way of doing that. So please, if you're going to complain about any of that stuff in the reviews, then just don't review at all, ok? Please. Thank you.”

Notice how I said it was a request. I wasn’t FORCING anyone to do anything. If someone wanted to go into the reviews and rant about the chapter, yeah I would probably get a little upset, but I had never stopped them at all. I just asked nicely. From there, it was the reader’s choice to decide whether or not to be considerate. 

As a media major, I find free speech and expression like, SUPER important. And for someone to assume I dont? That shit pisses me off more than anything. And someone telling me that I don’t have the right to ask for civility in the reviews to my story? Kinda seems like its own form of “restricting freedom of speech”, doesn't it? 

[albertcaldwellne]

{#TransparentTuesday} …shit

When I first started lifting weights I was like…

 FUCK YES, I’M STICKING IT TO THE MAN!

It felt so powerful to reject the social norms of trying to get smaller, and instead focus on getting stronger– and even sometimes focus on getting bigger!! *gasp*

Gaining muscle and getting strong AF felt rebellious, feminist, and empowering.

I was so excited and grateful to finally “stop caring” what other people thought of my body.

Oh, do you think I’m too big? LOLOLOL I don’t care, I’mma go deadlift. Do you think I look “manly?” IDGAF, look how many pullups I can do! I felt so free, so confident, so totally unaffected by the patriarchy and it’s oppressive female beauty ideals!

Then I got injured, and was like… shit.

I herniated disks in my neck, and for months and months, I couldn’t turn my head without a lightening bolt of excruciating pain shooting from the base of my skull down to my tailbone and fingertips. Eventually I had to stop lifting weights and go through the most tedious, frustrating, and humbling process that I’ve ever experienced: physical rehab.

Somewhere during this process, I got horribly depressed.

For years, I had been relying on tough workouts 4-6 days/week for energy regulation, to boost my ego and confidence, and most of all to solidify my self-identity as a “fit chick,” a “legit personal trainer,” and (most importantly) an “athlete.”

I had been identifying myself through my strength and dedication to fitness for years.

But not only was I no longer impressively strong and muscular, I was literally immobile. I felt useless, worthless, and ugly. I worried about gaining weight, losing credibility, and worst of all about losing the thing that made ME: my so-called “strength.”

Where once I had flawlessly squatted 160lbs, I was now unable to bent at the hip without feeling like I was being split in half. Where once I had banged out 11 pullups, I was now unable to lift my arms over my head.

As I healed from this terrible injury, I started to recognize just how embarrassingly important being “strong and fit” had become to my identity. In many ways, that identity had simply taken the place of what I cared about before lifting: how I looked.

My strength acted almost like a superficial positive body image, a buffer, before I had done the deep inner work of truly loving and accepting my whole self. I thought I was free from body image issues because I was focusing on performance instead of aesthetics, but deep down these two things occupied the same space.

The space they occupied was  a dark room in my heart marked “What Makes Me Worthy and Valuable.”

And that’s the problem.

Many of my clients go through a similar thing. In order to love yourself you must reject the idea that “my value is based on how I look.” But most people aren’t ready to jump right from that to “my value is inherent and unshakeable.” So in the meantime, many of them use a buffer idea, like I did.

A female friend of mine with a gloriously big body once said that getting super strong made her body image seem to not matter, because everyone in that world accepted and praised her for her bigness. But then when she stopped competing, everything changed. She felt unbearably vulnerable and self-conscious of her body again, and said that being a competitive athlete had seemed to momentarily “justify” her bigness.

In her case, the belief that she needs to explain or apologize for her body was still lurking under the surface, even while she had found a community that supported her body positivity. Once she stepped out of that community, the belief still needed to be dealt with.

I found the same to be true. While tiptoeing through rehab, I found myself facing my innermost demons again, and re-examining the belief that I had to “earn” my worth in some way.

Now, this isn’t to say that loving your strength is a bad thing. I actually think adopting the idea that “my value is based on how strong I am” can be incredibly valuable. It can help you break away from the powerful chains of the idea that “my value is based on how I look,” and prepare to do the deep work later on.

But it’s important to recognize that rejecting one belief hasn’t necessarily solved the core problem.

The truth is, your worthiness and value have nothing to do with anything you can control. You couldn’t earn it if you wanted to, because you were born with an infinite amount already.

So… what would happen if you let go of the things you’re most proud of about yourself? Who would you be if you released the qualities and traits you hold yourself to most tightly? What would offer the world, if you didn’t have to offer anything at all?

For me, the shocking discovery that I was still in chains was my first step toward actual freedom.

<3

J

The post {#TransparentTuesday} …shit appeared first on Jessi Kneeland.

http://ift.tt/2r9dsTM

[johnclapperne]

{#TransparentTuesday} …shit

When I first started lifting weights I was like…

 FUCK YES, I’M STICKING IT TO THE MAN!

It felt so powerful to reject the social norms of trying to get smaller, and instead focus on getting stronger– and even sometimes focus on getting bigger!! *gasp*

Gaining muscle and getting strong AF felt rebellious, feminist, and empowering.

I was so excited and grateful to finally “stop caring” what other people thought of my body.

Oh, do you think I’m too big? LOLOLOL I don’t care, I’mma go deadlift. Do you think I look “manly?” IDGAF, look how many pullups I can do! I felt so free, so confident, so totally unaffected by the patriarchy and it’s oppressive female beauty ideals!

Then I got injured, and was like… shit.

I herniated disks in my neck, and for months and months, I couldn’t turn my head without a lightening bolt of excruciating pain shooting from the base of my skull down to my tailbone and fingertips. Eventually I had to stop lifting weights and go through the most tedious, frustrating, and humbling process that I’ve ever experienced: physical rehab.

Somewhere during this process, I got horribly depressed.

For years, I had been relying on tough workouts 4-6 days/week for energy regulation, to boost my ego and confidence, and most of all to solidify my self-identity as a “fit chick,” a “legit personal trainer,” and (most importantly) an “athlete.”

I had been identifying myself through my strength and dedication to fitness for years.

But not only was I no longer impressively strong and muscular, I was literally immobile. I felt useless, worthless, and ugly. I worried about gaining weight, losing credibility, and worst of all about losing the thing that made ME: my so-called “strength.”

Where once I had flawlessly squatted 160lbs, I was now unable to bent at the hip without feeling like I was being split in half. Where once I had banged out 11 pullups, I was now unable to lift my arms over my head.

As I healed from this terrible injury, I started to recognize just how embarrassingly important being “strong and fit” had become to my identity. In many ways, that identity had simply taken the place of what I cared about before lifting: how I looked.

My strength acted almost like a superficial positive body image, a buffer, before I had done the deep inner work of truly loving and accepting my whole self. I thought I was free from body image issues because I was focusing on performance instead of aesthetics, but deep down these two things occupied the same space.

The space they occupied was  a dark room in my heart marked “What Makes Me Worthy and Valuable.”

And that’s the problem.

Many of my clients go through a similar thing. In order to love yourself you must reject the idea that “my value is based on how I look.” But most people aren’t ready to jump right from that to “my value is inherent and unshakeable.” So in the meantime, many of them use a buffer idea, like I did.

A female friend of mine with a gloriously big body once said that getting super strong made her body image seem to not matter, because everyone in that world accepted and praised her for her bigness. But then when she stopped competing, everything changed. She felt unbearably vulnerable and self-conscious of her body again, and said that being a competitive athlete had seemed to momentarily “justify” her bigness.

In her case, the belief that she needs to explain or apologize for her body was still lurking under the surface, even while she had found a community that supported her body positivity. Once she stepped out of that community, the belief still needed to be dealt with.

I found the same to be true. While tiptoeing through rehab, I found myself facing my innermost demons again, and re-examining the belief that I had to “earn” my worth in some way.

Now, this isn’t to say that loving your strength is a bad thing. I actually think adopting the idea that “my value is based on how strong I am” can be incredibly valuable. It can help you break away from the powerful chains of the idea that “my value is based on how I look,” and prepare to do the deep work later on.

But it’s important to recognize that rejecting one belief hasn’t necessarily solved the core problem.

The truth is, your worthiness and value have nothing to do with anything you can control. You couldn’t earn it if you wanted to, because you were born with an infinite amount already.

So… what would happen if you let go of the things you’re most proud of about yourself? Who would you be if you released the qualities and traits you hold yourself to most tightly? What would offer the world, if you didn’t have to offer anything at all?

For me, the shocking discovery that I was still in chains was my first step toward actual freedom.

<3

J

The post {#TransparentTuesday} …shit appeared first on Jessi Kneeland.

http://ift.tt/2r9dsTM

[neilmillerne]

{#TransparentTuesday} …shit

When I first started lifting weights I was like…

 FUCK YES, I’M STICKING IT TO THE MAN!

It felt so powerful to reject the social norms of trying to get smaller, and instead focus on getting stronger– and even sometimes focus on getting bigger!! *gasp*

Gaining muscle and getting strong AF felt rebellious, feminist, and empowering.

I was so excited and grateful to finally “stop caring” what other people thought of my body.

Oh, do you think I’m too big? LOLOLOL I don’t care, I’mma go deadlift. Do you think I look “manly?” IDGAF, look how many pullups I can do! I felt so free, so confident, so totally unaffected by the patriarchy and it’s oppressive female beauty ideals!

Then I got injured, and was like… shit.

I herniated disks in my neck, and for months and months, I couldn’t turn my head without a lightening bolt of excruciating pain shooting from the base of my skull down to my tailbone and fingertips. Eventually I had to stop lifting weights and go through the most tedious, frustrating, and humbling process that I’ve ever experienced: physical rehab.

Somewhere during this process, I got horribly depressed.

For years, I had been relying on tough workouts 4-6 days/week for energy regulation, to boost my ego and confidence, and most of all to solidify my self-identity as a “fit chick,” a “legit personal trainer,” and (most importantly) an “athlete.”

I had been identifying myself through my strength and dedication to fitness for years.

But not only was I no longer impressively strong and muscular, I was literally immobile. I felt useless, worthless, and ugly. I worried about gaining weight, losing credibility, and worst of all about losing the thing that made ME: my so-called “strength.”

Where once I had flawlessly squatted 160lbs, I was now unable to bent at the hip without feeling like I was being split in half. Where once I had banged out 11 pullups, I was now unable to lift my arms over my head.

As I healed from this terrible injury, I started to recognize just how embarrassingly important being “strong and fit” had become to my identity. In many ways, that identity had simply taken the place of what I cared about before lifting: how I looked.

My strength acted almost like a superficial positive body image, a buffer, before I had done the deep inner work of truly loving and accepting my whole self. I thought I was free from body image issues because I was focusing on performance instead of aesthetics, but deep down these two things occupied the same space.

The space they occupied was  a dark room in my heart marked “What Makes Me Worthy and Valuable.”

And that’s the problem.

Many of my clients go through a similar thing. In order to love yourself you must reject the idea that “my value is based on how I look.” But most people aren’t ready to jump right from that to “my value is inherent and unshakeable.” So in the meantime, many of them use a buffer idea, like I did.

A female friend of mine with a gloriously big body once said that getting super strong made her body image seem to not matter, because everyone in that world accepted and praised her for her bigness. But then when she stopped competing, everything changed. She felt unbearably vulnerable and self-conscious of her body again, and said that being a competitive athlete had seemed to momentarily “justify” her bigness.

In her case, the belief that she needs to explain or apologize for her body was still lurking under the surface, even while she had found a community that supported her body positivity. Once she stepped out of that community, the belief still needed to be dealt with.

I found the same to be true. While tiptoeing through rehab, I found myself facing my innermost demons again, and re-examining the belief that I had to “earn” my worth in some way.

Now, this isn’t to say that loving your strength is a bad thing. I actually think adopting the idea that “my value is based on how strong I am” can be incredibly valuable. It can help you break away from the powerful chains of the idea that “my value is based on how I look,” and prepare to do the deep work later on.

But it’s important to recognize that rejecting one belief hasn’t necessarily solved the core problem.

The truth is, your worthiness and value have nothing to do with anything you can control. You couldn’t earn it if you wanted to, because you were born with an infinite amount already.

So… what would happen if you let go of the things you’re most proud of about yourself? Who would you be if you released the qualities and traits you hold yourself to most tightly? What would offer the world, if you didn’t have to offer anything at all?

For me, the shocking discovery that I was still in chains was my first step toward actual freedom.

<3

J

The post {#TransparentTuesday} …shit appeared first on Jessi Kneeland.

http://ift.tt/2r9dsTM