#how beautiful your natural hair is. how valid you are regardless of what you do with it

[kouhaiofcolor]

"....When did we get to the point where natural hair is no longer associated with ...Black People? Black Women?"

Non blacks pls dni.

Have to amplify this woman's valid and articulate short on the relevance of this topic bc, whew smh, I have discussed the same thing here — and am both just as disturbed (and honestly? a little let down?) by Black Women letting go the equity we had in natural hair. Esp just to pick harmful maintenance/norms right back up. I do understand that we, as a race of women all by ourselves, have sooooooo many odds stacked against us regarding what we do with our hair and how we take care of it, but I cannot for the life of me understand what the purpose or benefit is supposed to be in returning to things that actually harm us disproportionately.

For good measure, she also spoke more directly and at length about this issue, it's toxically influential spaces and platforms — as well as the colorism, texturism and misogynoir in general at it's core. So glad I'm not the only Black Woman being transparent about how backwards the nhc/nhm is going.

[fallingforfictionalcharacterss]

Hellooo,

I want to request a story where Mclaggen flirts with the reader and gets to close, so she kisses her best friend Draco to get rid of him. But he gets pissed when he finds out that she only did it to get rid of him. Happy ending pls

Thank you so much for your request, I really enjoyed writing it! I feel my writing style is closer to my older fics again at this one (I´m not sure if this is a good thing yet). However, I hope you enjoy reading it!

Friends to lovers

Warnings: alcohol consumption, harassment

A/N: Just a quick note for all the girls out there (and everyone else who will ever get in a situation like this): Please remember that it is always okay to speak up if someone makes you feel uncomfortable and never be afraid to make a scene if necessary (only if you feel like it´s safe obviously), regardless what other people around you might think or say about it. These feelings are completely valid and much more important than what others might think.

Also, since this fact might get lost in this fic: Consent is always key, always remember this, regardless of what situation you are in or what the relationship with the other person might look like.

“So what do you think? The silvery or the green one?”

You narrowed your eyes as you tried to conjure the images of the dresses in your mind.

“The green one. With some silvery jewellery.”

“Maybe the necklace you got me for my birthday?”

You grinned at your friend.

“I was thinking the exact same, Pansy.”

“Oh yeah, and what do you think, Draco? Which shirt should I wear tonight? The black one or the black one?”, you were suddenly interrupted by a deeper voice.

The blond boy pouted as if he would actually think about his answer.

“I think you should wear the black one, Blaise.”, he finally answered. “It stresses your eyes.”

“You´re too kind, Draco. And such an amazing help.”

You shared an annoyed glare with Pansy, which made the boys give in and burst into laughter.

“But honestly”, Blaise stated when they had finally calmed down again, “I don’t get why you make such a fuss about it.”

“It´s just a party. The two of you should calm down a bit.”, Draco agreed with his friend.

You nudged him playfully.

“Says the boy who takes about an hour to style his hair every morning and still gets it ruined in the first ten minutes afterwards.”

Draco touched his hair, looking slightly offended as a rosy shimmer spread across his cheeks.

“A malicious allegation. It looks like that naturally."

You shared a knowing glance with Pansy, fully aware of the fact that what Draco had just stated was nothing but a lie.

“It´s nothing to be ashamed of, Draco.”, you chirped as you smiled at him sweetly.

“It´s actually very attractive if a guy cares about his appearance, you know?”, Pansy added, making Blaise almost choke on his pumpkin juice.

The four of you were sitting in the Great Hall at breakfast and the most important topic of the day was the upcoming party tonight. By now, you had finished all your exams for the year and Salazar, that was for sure a reason to celebrate. And at one of the biggest parties of the year, Pansy and you obviously wanted to dress up at least a bit, eager to escape the everyday look of your school uniforms. And to do so, you were even willing to take some rude comments from your friends.

“As if I would be in need of such things.”, Draco returned, shooting Pansy a deadly glare, while Blaise still tried to catch his breath.

“Because unlike some of us”, Blaise stated, when he had finally recovered, as his eyes darted from Pansy to you and back to Pansy, “we don’t have to put in any effort to look great.”

“While Pansy and I, unlike some of us, are aware of how we can maximize our God-given beauty. It wouldn´t hurt you to try this as well at some point.”

“So you can´t even argue with the fact that we´re just irresistibly attractive, can you?”, Blaise grinned.

“It makes me want to worship the ground you´re walking on.”, you said, your voice dripping with sarcasm.

But while you were making fun of it, even you couldn’t deny that Blaise, as well as Draco, actually had some kind of effortless beauty. They were attractive, you couldn’t deny it, however, you would rather bite off your tongue than ever actually admit it to the boys.

“That doesn´t mean you couldn´t optimize it though.”, Pansy stepped in. “Maybe some eyeliner for Blaise and I bet Draco´s eyes would pop out more if we would curl his lashes…”

“And maybe ruffle up his hair a bit…”, you added, laying your arm around Draco´s shoulder in a sneaky attempt to get your hand closer to the neatly styled hair, but Draco realized immediately what you were up to and caught your hand with his.

“Don’t you dare. Do you know how much time it takes me to get this done? Won´t let you ruin it just like that.”, he growled.

“So you admit it.”, you stated with a triumphant shimmer in your eyes.

Draco looked at you irritated.

“Admit what?”

“That you style it."

Your friend hesitated a moment, before he grumbled: “Never said I wouldn’t. I just pointed out that you have a tendency to exaggerate.”

You rolled your eyes.

“Sure you did.” You sighed and rested your head on your friend’s shoulder. “But jokes aside. You look… well, let’s say at least acceptable, styled hair or not.”

Draco let out a low chuckle as he wrapped an arm around your waist and pulled you even closer.

“Likewise, princess.”

And on the other side of the table, Pansy and Blaise couldn’t hide the smirk on their faces as they watched the scene in front of them, sharing a glance in silent agreement.

Later that day, Pansy and you made your way to the Slytherin common room. Pansy had indeed chosen the green dress, certainly enjoying the compliments you had showered her with as you had seen her all dressed up. You had dressed up yourself, not looking too bad as well and certainly more than just acceptable and -as Pansy noted- even Draco wouldn’t be able to help himself but admit that you did so.

And in fact, when you entered the common room, where Draco and some of your other friends were already waiting for you, the blond boy´s eyes widened slightly as he noticed you.

“So, what do you think? Is this acceptable?”, you smiled at Draco as you walked up to him.

Draco´s eyes wandered up and down your body, as he took his time to come to a conclusion. When his eyes met yours again, there was something in his gaze that you couldn’t quite grasp, something that made you blush for some stupid reason, but it was soon replaced by a cheeky grin.

“Finally, I don´t have to be ashamed to be seen with you for once.”, he responded.

When your attempt to slap his arm in response failed and Draco laughed at your pathetic try, you took some time to eye the boy as well. The Slytherin looked unfairly good in his black suit he always wore to such occasions. It somehow made the twinkle in his eyes only look brighter, especially now, that he tilted his head as he laughed. And also…

“Your hair!”, you stated in surprise as you noticed how some strands of Draco´s normally neatly styled hair framed his face.

The grin on the boy´s face only grew wider.

“Only did so for you, love.”, he teased.

“Oh yeah, for sure.”

“So what do you say? Do you like it?”

You eyed him sceptically. But no matter how hard you tried, you had to admit that there was absolutely nothing to criticize – neither about Draco´s hair nor about any other part of his appearance. For a second you got lost in the way he smiled down at you, way too smugly, yet in your eyes still looking just perfect.

“What? Got lost for words?”, Draco chuckled as he noticed your gaze.

You snapped out of your trance and quickly shook your head, not only as an answer to his question but also as an attempt to get rid of the strange feeling in your stomach as you looked at your friend.

“I told you it would suit you. Isn´t that surprising I was right once more, is it?”, you said with a shrug of your shoulders.

“You aren’t complacent at all, are you?”

“Says you”, you countered right away.

“Are the two of you done flirting now, or do you want us to excuse you for tonight?”, you were suddenly interrupted by Pansy´s mischievous voice.

You turned around, glaring at your roommate.

“You don’t actually expect me to answer this, do you?”

Pansy just shrugged her shoulders in response, pulling a face that made you suspect you rather didn’t want to know what she would say next. So you linked your arm with hers and pulled her towards the exit.

“What are we waiting for then?”, you asked.

The party was already in full swing when you arrived. It always amazed and irritated you at the very same time when you saw the students of the different houses in harmony with one another. Since none of you were wearing your school uniforms anymore, from time to time it was hard to even recognize which house the different people you barely knew were from. However, many of them -especially Slytherins- stuck to the colours of their houses, making it easier to at least suspect where they belonged, and somewhere on the other side of the room, you noticed Luna Lovegood, who had created some jewellery from eagle feathers. People were dancing, talking and laughing, on the dancefloor, at the improvised bar someone had built up or just lazily sitting in one of the seating areas.

The moment you stepped through the door, someone handed you a drink and you carefully sniffed on it. Just from the smell, you were pretty sure that whatever had been mixed into it, the night would be a very certain kind of fun.

Pansy had already raised her glass.

“To the end of torture and oppression!”, she cheered, before taking a way too big swing from her cup.

“To the end of torture and oppression.”, you agreed laughingly before you nipped on your cup as well, pulling a face. You certainly would need to take it easy if you didn’t want to wake up with some bad headache tomorrow.

When you had finished your drink, Pansy practically pulled you on the dancefloor, while Draco along with Blaise found some poor excuse to get over to the comfortable couches, meeting up with Crabbe and Goyle.

You didn’t even know how long you had been dancing, just enjoying the music and the company of your friends, when suddenly Pansy nudged you.

“Draco´s looking over!”, she yelled into your ear.

You turned your head, looking to the boys who still remained rooted in their spots in the seating area, and saw that Draco was indeed watching you. When he caught your gaze, you waved at him excitedly, which made your friend curve his lips into a small smile. But that smile quickly fainted as you tried to beckon him over, signalling him you wanted him to join you dancing. But while Draco was extraordinarily good in standard dances, he detested the stiff frippery without any clear rules with every fibre of his body. That´s why Draco just shook his head firmly at your efforts and quickly turned his head to his friends, engaging in the conversation again.

With a shrug of your shoulders, you turned around to Pansy again.

“If you don’t want it, you already have it.”, you said, slightly disappointed, yet not actually surprised at Draco´s rejection.

“I highly doubt it´s the dancing he´s interested in.”, Pansy mumbled under her breath and over the loud music, it was hard for you to understand.

“What was that?”

Pansy sighed.

“Nothing. Absolutely nothing.”

You threw your friend an irritated glance, but Pansy didn’t seem to want to deepen her explanation.

But while Pansy just went back to dancing, you felt your throat slowly getting dry from the yelling and the heated temperatures in the room.

“I´ll get myself a drink. You want something too?”

Pansy gave you a thumbs up and you made your way to the bar on the other side of the dancefloor.

You had just grabbed your drinks and wanted to make your way back through the crowd when suddenly someone touched your shoulder. You turned around and groaned quietly. Cormac McLaggen was standing there, grinning down at you. You detested this guy more than any other student in this school, not only because he was a Gryffindor, but mostly because he had a certain reputation regarding his handling of girls. You still remembered how -not long ago- he had tried to get close to Hermione Granger, and even though you didn’t exactly like the smart-alec Gryffindor girl, you had felt slightly sorry for her when you had watched the constant inappropriate attempts to get the girl. And the fact that he was standing now in front of you with that slimy grin on his face made you suspect that he was up to no good.

“Lovely (Y/n). I see you got me a drink as well.”, he grinned, stepping even closer to you.

You resisted the urge to step back and instead straightened your back, trying not to show how uncomfortable he was making you feel already.

“It´s for Pansy.”, you answered cooly.

“But I´m sure Parkinson can get herself a drink, can´t she?”

“So can you.”

“But then I wouldn’t have a reason to keep your company any longer.”

“That´s the plan.” You really weren’t in the mood to stay quiet or polite just out of respect for a guy’s feelings, especially if said guy happened to be McLaggen.

But he didn’t seem to mind the slightest.

“You´re really a tease, (Y/n), aren’t you?”, the Gryffindor chuckled, as he stepped even closer and put an arm around your waist.

“Let go of me. Right now.”, you hissed through gritted teeth, having to use all your willpower to not hex the boy on the spot.

“Why should I?”, McLaggen responded.

You looked at him in disbelief. Was he actually that stupid that he actually didn’t get how uncomfortable he made you feel? Or did he simply not care about it? And most importantly how would you get out of this situation most elegantly. You weren’t scared to make a scene in front of all these people, but you were pretty sure that McLaggen would hold it against you and even though you would be able to get rid of him like this for now, you weren’t sure how long it would last. So you took a deep breath, trying to get calm yourself down again.

“I need to get back to my friends."

“Why? You think they would grudge you some fun?”

“This isn’t fun for me, McLaggen.” You stressed his last name, trying to make clear that you didn’t feel like you were on a first name basis with him at all.

“C´mon (Y/n).” Well, that certainly didn’t work. “We´re just getting started. I promise you won´t regret this.”

But if he wouldn’t let go of you soon, he certainly would. But instead, he pulled you even closer.

“I´ll pass on this.”

You looked around, trying to find a familiar face to get you out of your misery, a place you could save yourself to, but the only people you spotted were Pansy and Draco who were standing next to the dancefloor, their eyes wandering through the room, probably already looking for you since you had already disappeared for much longer than you had originally planned.

“What is it (Y/n)”, McLaggen whispered into your ear, making goosebumps creeping over your skin in the most uncomfortable way. “Don´t got someone else to do the job, do you?”

Oh, if McLaggen only knew how much he had just scored his own goal.

“Oh well, you know, actually I do have someone to -as you just expressed so elegantly- do the job.”

You smiled at the boy sweetly, while the Gryffindor frowned.

“You do?”

“How come you don’t know yet? I thought most people did by now.”

You didn’t even have to hide the grin on your face as you saw McLaggen looking utterly confused.

“I didn’t.”

“Well, now you do.”

You quickly wriggled out of the boy´s grip and wanted to leave with a smug grin on your face, but McLaggen caught your wrist and held you back once more.

“Who is it then?”

You hesitated for a moment before you looked over to your friends still standing a bit off the beaten track and your gaze settled on a certain blond boy, who was talking to Pansy, for now completely unaware of his spontaneous promotion. You turned back to McLaggen and locked your eyes with his, not blinking once, as you said: “Draco of course.”

McLaggen looked at you in surprise.

“Draco? You mean Draco Malfoy?”

You rolled your eyes.

“Do you know any other?”

“But I always thought the two of you were just friends.”

“Ever heard something about the term friends to lovers? Honestly, McLaggen read a book someday.”

“But this is the real world, (Y/n).”, McLaggen frowned.

You had to try really hard to hold back a groan. That guy was harder to get rid of than the juice of a Mimbulus mimbletonia.

“But my fairytale has come to life. So if you´ll excuse me now, my boyfriend”, you stressed the word, “is probably already looking for me and I really want to get back to him.”

And without waiting for a response, you turned on your heel and made your way back to your friends.

When you had almost reached them, a smug grin still covering your face due to your recent award-winning performance, you turned your head around one last time, only to see McLaggen still watching you, lips pursed and arms crossed in front of his chest. Maybe you hadn’t been as convincing as you had hoped or maybe it was just his wounded pride, but if he would keep on watching you that closely, he would realize rather soon that what you had just told him had been nothing but a bluff. At that moment a second terrific idea followed the first one. And without thinking twice, you walked up to your friends with the sweetest smile on your face.

“Finally, (Y/n), what took you so long?”, Pansy asked you as you handed her the drinks.

“Sorry, I was delayed.”, you said, before you turned around to Draco.

“But you couldn’t stay away from me too long, could you?”, he teased with that familiar twinkle in his eyes, as he grinned down at you.

You returned his smile immediately.

“You have no idea.”, you responded before you grabbed him by his collar and pressed your lips on Draco´s without hesitation.

It was fireworks exploding.

You weren’t quite sure what you had been thinking when you had decided to kiss your friend, but it didn’t matter anymore.

You weren’t quite sure, how you had been expecting his lips to feel on yours, but you certainly hadn’t expected them to feel so soft against yours and fit just so perfectly.

You weren’t quite sure how you had expected to feel when you would kiss Draco, but it hadn’t been like this. You hadn’t expected the electricity buzzing through your body the moment his lips touched yours. You hadn’t expected the relief you felt as Draco didn’t push you away but pulled you only closer. You hadn’t expected to feel like air was only the second most important thing in your life as his lips slowly started to move against yours as well.

You heard Pansy gasping somewhere in the back of your mind, but it sounded muffled, just like any other noise around you. Every sensation that wasn’t linked to Draco and the moment you just shared felt just doll compared to the intense feelings rushing through your body. Every centimetre of your body was on fire and Draco´s heated skin against yours only fuelled the fire. The taste of the drink he had had still lingering on his lips felt intoxicating, just as the way your hands slowly wandered from Draco´s collar to his hair, while he pulled his arms around your waist, holding you so close, you felt as if your bodies might immerge with one another.

You didn’t know how long you stayed like this, holding each other tight, but finally, you ran out of air after all and slowly, you backed up again. As you opened your eyes, the sight in front of you was truly magical. Draco´s cheeks were rosy and his swollen lips slightly parted, as he panted heavily, his hair not only slightly ruffled anymore, but a total mess.

The Slytherin leant his forehead against yours and grinned down at you.

“Well, that was unexpected.”, he said, his voice sounding unusually raspy.

You didn’t answer and just nodded as you stared at him in awe.

You had never seen Draco as much more than a friend. You had always been really close and you had always been aware of the fact that he was quite attractive, but you had never seen him in the same way you did now. You had never felt the butterflies in your stomach somersaulting, had never had the urge to be as close to him as you did now, had never wanted to press your lips on his again so badly.

Draco brushed a strand of your hair that was falling into your face behind your ear, before his thumb traced over your cheek and finally your lips, which probably looked like a mess by now since you saw some light traces of your lipstick on Draco´s.

“So tell me, love, how did I deserve this special kind of attention from you tonight?”

For a second you were almost irritated. What did Draco think why one would kiss someone else? But then you remembered that your intentions for the kiss had originally been slightly different from the ones you had on your mind now.

When you didn’t answer and the boy in front of you saw the look of indecisiveness in your eyes, his face fell.

“Salazar, (Y/n), please don’t tell me you´re already so drunk that you just run around and kiss random people.”

The sharpness in his voice made you snap out of the trance you had been in ever since your lips had first touched his.

“What? No! No, I´m not drunk at all!”, you objected before you realized that this was probably just what a drunk person would say. So you took a deep breath and continued: “It´s just… McLaggen came up to me when I just got the drinks and was… well, he was McLaggen and he wouldn’t want to leave me alone, so I told him I had a boyfriend. And you were the first to come to my mind and I knew he probably didn’t believe me, so I thought if I´d kiss you he´d leave me alone.”

Only now that you said it out loud, you realized how stupid you must have sounded. Draco and you had never been anything but friends. What in Merlin´s name were you thinking to just walk up to a boy who had never shown any romantic interest in you and kissed him without even explaining the situation to him or asking him if he was okay with it?

“That´s what this was about?” Draco´s voice sounded even sharper than before, making you flinch.

“Look, Draco, I´m sorry. I know this probably wasn’t the smartest thing to do, but I… I don’t know, I wasn’t thinking, and I panicked and I somehow thought you´d be okay with this and…”

“You don’t have to explain yourself, (Y/n).”, Draco cut you off. “I get it. McLaggen is an idiot and I… I´m just glad you got yourself out of the situation, alright?” But Draco didn’t sound like he thought it was alright at all.

You nodded, eyeing him sceptically.

“So, you´re okay with this?”

Draco shrugged his shoulders. When he looked at you, the warm look in his clouded eyes had disappeared, and instead, his eyes were sparkling coldly at you now.

“Obviously. That´s what friends are there for, aren’t they?”

You gulped. For some reason, the word friends wasn’t quite fitting anymore for what you saw Draco as. You hadn’t believed that a stupid kiss could ever change your feelings the slightest, but somehow it did. Even though you weren’t quite sure if your feelings for Draco had actually changed within the last few minutes or if you had just become aware of something that had been buried under all those memories and experiences of the last few years, but what you knew for sure was that when Draco called whatever the two of you were friends, your heart clenched in a way you had never felt it before.

Still, you nodded.

“Yeah, you´re right. Friends. That's what they´re there for.”, you echoed weakly and forced a smile onto your lips.

For a moment, the two of you just stared at each other, before Draco finally nodded as well and took a step back.

“Well, since my job is done now, you don’t need me anymore, do you?” And without even waiting for an answer, he added: “I´ll get some fresh air now. It´s too crammed in here.”

With that, he turned on his heel, leaving you alone, staring at the spot he had stood only seconds ago.

“What in the name of Merlin was that all about?”, you suddenly heard a soft voice next to you.

When you looked up, you saw Pansy standing there, still holding the drinks you had handed her before your attack on the boy who called you his friend.

“I… this was… well, you heard what this was about.”, you responded defensively.

“Well, you can´t tell me that this was about you getting rid of that nasty Gryffindor.”

 “Would that be so hard to believe?”

“After I´ve seen the two of you almost eating each other up and looking at each other like some fools in love? Trust me, it is.”

“Neither we ate each other up, nor are we fools in love.”, you snapped back, probably a bit too harsh for just trying to set the record straight.

“Oh yeah, this was purely platonic.” Pansy rolled her eyes.

“It was supposed to look real.”, you contradicted.

“And Draco knew that too?”

No, he didn’t. He had had no idea why you had been kissing him, still, he had kissed you in a way you hadn’t even dared to dream of.

“It was just the heat of the moment. I surprised him. And he would have felt bad to turn me down.”

“Oh, yeah, you have already assumed this for him, didn’t you?”

You looked at your friend irritated. You weren’t in the mood for guesswork right now, too many thoughts were running in circles around your mind.

“I mean, you kiss that poor boy like no one has ever done before and the next moment you explain to him that it was just to get rid of some jerk?"

“I know I should have just asked him first to make sure he is okay with it, but…"

“You really think that this would make any difference?”, Pansy interrupted you.

You sighed fretfully.

“If you got anything to say, Pansy, just spit it out. I´m really not up to your games right now.”

Pansy let out a small huff, not sure if she was supposed to laugh or grab you by the shoulders until you would finally realize it yourself.

“You really can´t be that blind, can you?”

You only frowned and Pansy sighed.

“(Y/n), you are aware that this guy had been head over heels for you since forever, aren’t you?”

“Who?”

“Draco, you foolish lunkhead! Who do you think we´re talking about?”

You stared at your friend in disbelief.

“Pansy, this isn’t funny.”

“Oh, I know, it really isn’t. It almost hurts physically to see the two of you interact with each other and how you are completely clueless to everything he does, even if Draco is behaving like a complete idiot around you.”

“You´re serious about this, aren’t you?”

“Of course I am, silly. Salazar, the way the two of you act is really so much more than anyone could ever make up in their head.”

“So you really want to tell me that Draco has a thing for me.” “Being hopelessly in love with you is more fitting, but if you want to put it this way, yeah, that´s what I´m trying to tell you.”

You felt the butterflies erupting in your stomach once more as your cheeks heated up to an unknown extent.

“I… I didn’t know…I mean, if I… I really had no idea…”, you stuttered, not quite sure what to say.

“Don’t you say.”, Pansy responded sarcastically, but then she grew more serious again. “The real question now is how you feel about it.”

How did you feel about it? On the one hand, all you wanted to do was run to Draco and kiss him until you were out of breath again for the rest of your life, but on the other hand, this feeling was so new and strange to you that you weren’t quite sure how to deal with it.

“I don’t know. I mean, I never even thought about the possibility that Draco and I… that we might ever be anything more than friends. It´s all we ever were, and I never had any doubts that we always would be.”

“But what about now? How do you feel about him now?”

You hesitated for a moment before you responded carefully: “Different.”

“And is this a good thing or a bad one?”, Pansy asked, but from the look on your face she already knew the answer before the words even left your mouth.

An uncontrollable smile spread across your face as you thought about the feeling of Draco´s lips on yours and the way that he had looked at you right after they had parted again.

“It´s a good thing. Really good.”, you smiled.

“Then you should probably tell him, shouldn’t you?”, she asked, the smirk on her face clearly visible in her voice as well.

You nodded.

“I will.” You shot your friend a thankful glance. “Thanks, Pansy.”

And with that, you turned around, following Draco into the dark.

The castle grounds were quiet at this time of the night. A few people were standing here alone or in small groups to get some fresh air, but still, it was quiet and from time to time you had the feeling to be all alone out here.

You weren’t quite sure how you knew where to go, maybe it was because of the strong tie between Draco and you that you had misinterpreted so badly, or maybe it was something else, but somehow your feet carried you to the place Draco was standing without fail. You spotted him leaning against the wall of the castle right away, his light hair shimmering in the dim light shining through the windows, mixing with the one of the moon shining down on you. You were pretty sure Draco had heard you approaching him, or maybe he was too lost in his own thoughts to do so, but as you got closer to him, the boy kept on staring into the void, showing no signs of recognition.

“Draco?”, your voice was soft, so soft you weren’t even sure if he had even heard you because he still didn’t react.

You cleared your throat before you tried once more.

“Draco?” This time your voice sounded stronger.

Draco however, still didn’t look at you, but a small shrug of his head signalized you that he had heard you. You took this as a sign to step even closer. Your heart was beating fast in your chest. You were scared. Scared that you might have ruined whatever relationship you had with Draco beyond repair, and if it didn’t yet, that your next actions would do so after all.

“I was looking for you.”, you spoke up again, not quite sure how to start the conversation properly.

“You found me now, didn’t you?”, Draco responded, his voice sounded cold and his eyes were still fixed on an invisible point in front of him.

You took another step towards the boy and leant to the wall next to him, not close enough to touch you, yet close enough to feel his presence next to you. You felt him tense as you did so, yet, he didn’t shy away.

A few moments of silence passed, as neither of you said a word. You looked up into the sky, letting your eyes getting used to the darkness until they finally spotted some stars glistening above you.

“It´s a beautiful night, isn’t it?”, you tried again.

Draco just hummed in response.

After another few minutes of silence, you couldn’t bear it anymore and tore your gaze apart from the night sky and looked at the boy next to you instead.

“Listen, I´m really sorry about what happened earlier. This wasn’t okay.”

“I already told you, it´s alright.”

You shook your head vigorously, even though you weren’t sure if Draco could even see.

“No, it really isn’t. I behaved like a complete idiot in there. Not only that I… that I just kissed you, but also what I said to you afterwards. I really screwed this up.”

“It doesn’t matter, (Y/n)”, Draco said, his voice still apathetic. “You did what you thought was best at that moment. And, I mean, it didn’t mean anything anyway, did it?” The last few words sounded different, a mix of bitterness and the hope that you might contradict. Before your talk with Pansy, you probably wouldn’t even have noticed, but now you did. And it almost broke your heart.

“That´s not true.”, you contradicted in a low voice.

Draco´s gaze flickered in your direction for a second, before he looked away again. Yet, he didn’t answer.

“It meant something. I mean, I know it did for you and I…” You paused for a second, thinking about what you should say next. “It meant something to me too, you know? I didn’t know that it would but it did. Much more than I ever thought it would.”

“It didn’t. Neither for you nor for me. I think we both made that very clear.”, Draco spit out, his voice not nearly as calm as it used to be, even though he tried really hard to hide it.

“Did we?”

“We did. We´re friends. That is what you said and what I said as well. We´ve always been and we always will be. Ain´t that hard to understand, (Y/n), is it? Even you should understand that.”

“I know you have a thing for me.”, you blurted out. You didn’t mean to do so. You had wanted to approach the topic more carefully, trying not to hurt Draco´s feelings or embarrass him, but the way he behaved like a stubborn child, made it impossible for you.

Draco froze for a second, before he shrugged his shoulders, looking anywhere but at you.

“And if I did? Would it change anything?”

The fact that he didn’t contradict you right away, didn’t call your assumptions ridiculous or even laughed at you, made even the last doubts you still had had about Pansy´s words disappear. Your heartbeat quickened even more, even though you weren’t quite sure if it was from annoyance or affection.

“Would it… Draco, this would change everything!”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah. Draco this… what happened tonight… the kiss… this wasn’t just about McLaggen.”

“You said it was.”

“Because it was. I mean kind of. But not like this. I… Merlin, Draco. At first, I kissed you because of him. But all of this felt just so… When I kissed you it just felt so good, and then you kissed me back and I had the feeling as if all the stars would suddenly align. It felt as if it was the right thing to do and it made me wonder… no, it made me know for sure that this is what I want. That you are what I want. Not as a friend but as… more. And I know that I´m an idiot that it took me that stupid kiss to realize and if you are mad at me now, you got every reason to be, but if you let me ruin the possibility of… of us just because I screwed this up then you are just as much of an idiot as I am.”

You hadn’t even realized how much you had raised your voice until you fell silent again and you couldn’t hear any other noises but the muffled music coming from inside and your own heartbeat echoing in your ears.

A few moments passed and neither Draco nor you said anything. Your thoughts were racing and in your mind, you already prepared yourself to not only lose the potential relationship Draco and you could have, but also the one that you had had ever since you came to Hogwarts. But just as you wanted to apologize and leave Draco alone again, the boy suddenly let out a sigh and stood up straight again, turning around to you.

The expression on his face was unreadable as he said: “Love, you should know that I´m way too smart to be an idiot.”

It took you a moment to process his words, but as you did, a small spark of hope lit up in your chest again.

“Does that mean, that...”

“It means”, Draco interrupted you, “that I´m willing to give this a chance.” He smiled at you smugly as he saw the uncontrollable grin spreading across your face. “If that´s what you want to, of course.”, he added slyly.

“I think to know this for sure, I might need to try something again at first.”, you responded.

And this time you didn’t have to pull Draco down to you, but he leant down willingly, meeting your lips halfway.

And even though this time you were prepared for the feeling, it still almost swept you off your feet with full force and you had no doubt that your legs would probably have given in if it wouldn’t be for Draco holding on to you tightly.

When you pulled back this time, you felt neither conflicted nor confused. All you could feel was your love for the boy in front of you rushing through your entire body and the only critical thought that was left was the question of how you could have ever mistaken your feelings for the blond Slytherin for anything else but love.

You leant your head onto Draco´s chest, listening to his steady heartbeat that was far too fast, a fact that you would have probably teased him for if you wouldn’t have known that yours did just the same.

“You have no idea how long I wanted to do this.”, Draco mumbled, before placing a small kiss on the crown of your head.

And he was right indeed. You had been completely oblivious to his feelings for so long, but now that you finally knew, it was making you happier than you could ever find the words to describe.

“Merlin, I love you, (Y/n).”, Draco mumbled, making yet another wave of heat flush through your body. But before you could even answer, he quickly added: “You… you don’t have to return this or anything. I just… I wanted to tell you for so long and… well, now I just had to.” You smiled as you heard the insecurity in his voice, something he barely ever showed to others.

“It´s not like I… maybe just take me on a date first, okay? I just… I don’t wanna rush things right now if that´s okay with you.”

“Anything for you, princess.”, Draco smiled, making your heart practically melt, as you snuggled yourself even closer to him.

“But one thing you have to tell me.”, Draco spoke up after a few minutes of comfortable silence. “You didn’t just have a brainwave, did you? Someone told you that I… well that I might like you more than just a friend.”

You felt your cheeks heating.

“Maybe Pansy gave me a little hint.”, you mumbled into his chest, making Draco chuckle deeply.

“A little hint?”

“Well, maybe it was more than that.”, you admitted. “She pretty much threw it in my face and I still didn’t catch it.”

“I always knew that you´re not the fastest broom in the sky.”, he grinned, making you frown.

“At least it didn’t take me… how long? Weeks? Months? To get a girl and then not even telling her but letting others do the job.”

“Actually it´s been years, if you really want to know. But I guess now McLaggen was good for something at least once.”, Draco responded. “Doesn’t mean I won't hex him the next time I´ll see his stupid visage.”

“If you´re hoping for me to stop you, I certainly won´t.”

“I was rather hoping you´d help me with it."

“So we can serve detention together? Romantic.”, you laughed.

Draco cupped your face with his hands and made you look up at him. You could see the mischievous sparkle that you had always loved so much glistening in his eyes.

“That´s just how I am, love.”, he responded, before he pulled you in yet another kiss.

And it certainly wouldn’t be the last.

Taglist: @xodracomalfoyxo @marigold-morelli @army24—7 @lbhmoon @cappgyuccino @writingwitch007 @myomy0ss @tinafuentes @dmslvt @Slytherin4eva @foulkryptonitepeanut @chillcheesecake @pottertea @webswatts @jaiistg

[doumadono]

Emergency Request!

Hi! I've followed your blog for a while now and I always really love your writing style. I have been hesitant to submit an emergency request because it's hard for me to think of something like this as an emergency just because I have to deal with it so often, but I've read a lot of your other emergency requests and I was hoping that maybe it might help me too.. I'm a trans man (he/him pronouns) and a lot of things have just felt so much harder to deal with than normal lately and I feel like most people are only attracted to me because I "look" like a girl and they are always so disappointed/disgusted when they find out that I'm a trans man..

That being said, I really love Akaza's character and unfortunately he's canonically primarily attracted to women/feminine people, and I was curious if you could possibly write something for him where he's with a trans man reader and the reader is extremely insecure about his identity and he is always afraid Akaza doesn't actually like him because of the fact that he's trans but Akaza is there to help calm his anxieties surrounding the topic? I'm sorry this was so long-winded and I completely understand if it's not something you feel comfortable doing. Thank you regardless, and I love your work and your page as always!!

A/N: Dear Nonnie, I want you to know that you are valid and deserving of love and acceptance just as you are! It's natural to have moments of doubt, but remember that your identity doesn't define your worth. The right people will appreciate and cherish you for who you truly are. Keep being your authentic self, and you'll find those who see your inner beauty and strength. I did my best to create this blurb for you, but please understand if it's not entirely accurate - it was challenging for me to capture the reader's perspective

MASTERLIST

In a small, secluded village nestled deep within the forest, he lived in an old, wooden house. It was a place where the tranquility of nature cocooned the world, but for him, it was also a sanctuary from the doubts that clouded his heart.

One moonlit night, as the stars painted the sky with their delicate glow, Akaza appeared as he had been doing for weeks. His pink hair seemed to ignite in the pale moonlight as he stepped into the cozy home his partner had made for himself. Akaza's presence alone was both thrilling and terrifying for the young man, who had become hopelessly enamored with the demon.

As Akaza entered, he could already sense his partner's unease. He took a moment to let his eyes roam the rustic interior, admiring the room the man had created. But his focus soon returned to the one who had captured his attention. "Is something troubling you, darling?" Akaza asked softly, his voice like a soothing melody.

The man hesitated before finally finding the courage to speak. "I can't help but worry. I feel like you're only attracted to me because I… I look like a girl."

Akaza's expression remained calm, his eyes filled with understanding. He approached his partner and gently placed a hand on his shoulder. "You underestimate yourself," the yellow eyed demon chuckled briefly.

"But I'm someone else, Akaza. I'm not like the women you usually spend time with. What if you finally realize that and decide you don't want to be with me anymore?" Tears started gathering in the corners of his eyes.

"I'm not drawn to appearances alone. I come here because of the person you are. Your strength, your resilience in the face of adversity I witnessed during our very first meeting — all of these qualities are what captivate me," the demon replied.

The young man's heart fluttered at Akaza's words, a glimmer of hope breaking through his insecurities.

Akaza smiled, his eyes reflecting the moon's soft light. "No two people are alike, darling. I cherish our time together because it's unique. Your identity doesn't change how I feel about you. You are worthy of love and acceptance just as you are."

"Are you sure, Akaza? Because I've been hurt before, and I'm afraid of getting hurt again…"

Akaza leaned in, brushing his lips against his boy's forehead, a tender gesture meant to reassure. "I promise, I'm here for you. I won't let anything come between us. I'll remind you every night of how much you mean to me. And just tell me who hurt you, and I'll make them pay."

As Akaza's words sank in, the young man felt a weight lifting from his shoulders. The anxieties that had plagued him for so long began to dissipate. In that moment, he understood that his connection with the demon was built on something deeper than appearances or gender.

"Demon's love is eternal and unyielding, my dear," Akaza quipped with a playful grin, "so good luck trying to shake me off."

Over time, Akaza continued to visit his partner, and their bond grew stronger.

[cemeteryrocks900]

Reminder that:

• seeing your collarbones already isn’t normal, you’re not supposed to see them, especially if you can see the dip in them

• seeing ANY bones sticking out isn’t normal at all, ex.ribs, hips, shoulder blades etc.

There’s no such thing as “naturally boney” or “naturally having your collar bones show” no. That’s not a thing, that’s not normal

• being dizzy or in pain or tired when you stand up

•having dark circles not related to skin conditions/sleep

•being sick everytime you eat

•clumps of hair falling out

Reminder that even if you feel invalid for you ed, things that are normalized are not normal and are a sign of sickness/being unhealthy

So next time you tell yourself “I’m fine, I feel like my ed isn’t valid” ask yourself the things you do everyday and say “is this what everyone does?, does this happen to a healthy person”

Even if you still “appear healthy” your mentality is still messed up. Eds are not a physical disorder BUT the side affects CAN become physical if you aren’t taking care of yourself

Also these words are from my doctors and dieticians so they came from reliable sources of mine

Ily. Stay safe. You’re valid. You’re beautiful.

A reminder of things that ARE normal:

Stretch marks

Cellulite

Loose skin

Skin discoloration

Not fitting into your old jeans/clothes

Having extreme hunger/being hungrier on some days

And last but not least. Having fat is normal bc without it nobody would be alive, even body builders have some % of fat in their bodies, specially women will always have a higher % of body fat bc how do you think we will take care of our babies, take care of our repo organs.

Ladies, men, you are beautiful no matter what you look like and I love you regardless <3

[akawrites000]

sunflowers, breaking clichés and faraway lovers

Hero trudges back home, her foot kicking up some mud on this lonely strip of road. She can't decide if she's happy or frustrated that nothing ever happens where she lives, not even villains, as if they don't find this place appealing enough to even visit.

She decides, after a moment, that maybe it's both. She's both happy that she doesn't have to deal with villains here, that this is the one constant place that she has in her life, and she's also a little frustrated that nothing ever happens here, and everywhere you see are familiar faces. She kind of wishes her town had the tradition to were masks like people in Jaoanese festivals do, so that it would at least bring some novelty into this place. Or she wishes that she can spot a new face somewhere, but the only face she wants to see right now is that of her partner's.

The wind blows to the left, and she turns to look. That's the path that leads to the sunflower field, one of her all time favourite places. She takes out her phone as the wind pushes her further to the field, holding the device in front of her face, trying to get a nice angle. Click. She opens villain’s chat and hits the send button, with a yellow heart emoji attached to the picture. She then sits down at the edge of the field, legs dangling, eyes taking in the spectacular view in front of her. This is probably the only place I'll never get tired of, even if it's the same ten years from now, she thinks.

Hero’s phone vibrates in her pocket, and she pulls it out to see a message from villain. She opens the chat — smiling softly.

V: This looks so beautiful!! Is this the sunflower field that you always talk about? Thank you for the picture baby💛

Hero takes a moment to swoon. She loves it when villain calls her baby, and she has a feeling that they know that too.

H: Yes it is, one of my favourite places ever! I wish I could show this to you someday.

There it is, hero thinks. This ache that mixes up with the bubbly feelings in her chest because her lover lives in an entirely different continent away from her and there's nothing either of them can do about it for now. It's this sizzling agony that's there right under her skin, keeping her awake at night sometimes.

V: That sounds lovely. I would love to see it.

And then hero’s smiling, grinning. So much that her cheeks start to hurt and those blue feelings inside her chest slowly melt away, leaving her with this happy, giddy haze. Somewhere inside, the logical part of her speaks — what is even happening ?

Hero ignores that and just stares at the wide expanse of the field in front of her, beautifully painted by the sun setting on the horizon behind. She lets her mind wander to villain, her lover whom she's never met but knows — because one doesn't have to meet to know someone right? Of course hero aches to meet them, just like all the lovers in ancient texts do. She's no different. So she tries to meet them in her imagination at least- one hand in their soft, brown hair, while the other cups their cheek, tender with that natural blush that drives her crazy; and then villain's hands are in her hair, tangling her long back strands but she can't find it in herself to care one bit —

Her phone buzzes again and hero’s pulled out of that soft world in her mind, back to the real one. Her eyes take in her surroundings once again, noticing the changes. The sky is inky blue, like deep ocean waters and the sun is nowhere to be seen . The sunflowers that were all looking at the sun like dedicated devotees, have now turned to look at their loved ones next to them instead, and settle in their arms for the night. Hero looks at her phone, her mind working in two angles — one thinking about this fact that she read about sunflowers somewhere while the other focuses on villain’s chat box.

V: You'll have to fight supervillain later this evening right?

Hero groans as she remembers her pressing duties to this city — fighting supervillains, protecting the civilians, being the symbol of justice. It's only in the short time that she spends with villain — in their chatbox, occasional phone calls, when she thinks of villain, that she feels like a normal twenty something, just living her life and falling in love with someone breathtakingly amazing.

H: You're always more updated about my schedule than I am xD But yeah, I have to.

Hero imagines villain’s mouth, unable to decide between their usual smirk or rare soft smiles. She wonders what expression they're wearing right now.

V: Of course I am. That's one thing technology is good for.

Hero chuckles, simply happy that villain even bothers to keep track of all of this.

V: Fight safely and vigilantly okay? Trust your gut feelings, they're always valid. Your feelings are always valid.

Hero clutches her phone tight in her hand, trying to bury her face into her own arms. Her heart performs this dance everytime villain does stuff like this, and she never knows how to handle it.

H: Thank you my love❤ I'm a little nervous of course, but I think I'll be okay. I can do this.

Hero knows there's no point in putting up a front or lying to villain. They always know somehow. And hero thinks that she doesn't want to lie — she's always putting up a front for the world, the people, her opponents. So she wants at least this one person in the entire world to know who she really is, in all her silly, anxious and raw glory.

V: You'll be fine baby. You're an amazing fighter and I believe in you.

Okay, that's it. Hero feels like her entire body is on fire and she forces herself to look away from the phone screen at the field in front of her so that her fingers don't start doing this embarrassing keysmash that people generally seem to do when they're embarrassed. Does she want to do that? She thinks she'd rather avoid it. Or at least try to.

That's when her mind supplies that fact about sunflowers that it was trying to remember. When the sun is not visible, the sunflowers turn towards one another, as if the sun is just a fever dream that is abandoned as soon as it dips below the horizon, and the only real things that exist in the world are the flowers themselves and their partners who exist right beside them. Hero watches as the wind gently coaxes them, one flower falling into another and vice versa, as they hold each other and dance while the first stars form constellations in the sky. Hero thinks how beautiful this is, that there is a whole universe beyond clichés, that a sunflower doesn't have to achingly wait for a sun that will never belong to it, but instead the world is for its taking as it falls in love with the flower next to it — one that will return its feelings.

And all of a sudden, hero is overwhelmed by this weird emotion in her chest. She can't name it, she's always been bad with names. But sitting here and looking at these sunflowers breaking clichés makes her heart soar for some inexplicable reason. It's like nature is telling her that nothing else matters other than feelings that are respected and returned.

She opens villain's chat and starts typing in everything that she's realised in the past minute with increased fervour, afraid that all of these thoughts would just up and disappear into a puff of nothing because nothing is really everlasting — except this one moment. And she plans to make the best of it. She types the last letter, then attaches a close-up picture of two sunflowers with tangled petals facing one another and hits send.

Villain takes a minute to reply, but it brings the brightest smiles to hero's face regardless.

V: I don't know if you even realise this, but I just love the way you fucking think ❤ The sunflowers seem like they could pass for humans themselves don't they? Because I just find this whole thing alarmingly human — the way we have our hearts on our sleeves when we know no one else is looking, for that one person.

Hero sighs happily, she didn't think feeling understood could feel this liberating. It's definitely one of those feelings that people can get high on , she thinks. Damn, she thinks she's definitely getting high on this herself.

H: Thank you love, I love the way you think too! And I do agree, the sunflowers are humans xD (plus ten heart emojis).

A few more minutes go by and hero receives another message from villain with this attached picture:

there's a hand (hero guesses it's villain’s hand) holding two violet flowers together (so they look like they're hugging) with this caption —

I had to chase away two ducks for this picture, because these flowers were apparently their evening snack. How cool is that?

And hero’s full blown laughing now, the clutching-your-stomach kind of laughing and she hopes that the laughing emoji on her phone would do this justice. Probably not.

—

Here's the live coverage of Hero vs Supervillain-

The newsreader reads live from the venue and villain’s eyes refuse to leave the tv screen for even a single moment. They watch as their hero holds her ground against such a powerful foe and villain’s heart fills up to the brim with a mix of fondness and pride. They don't feel the rest of the evening pass by, as they sit and watch the entire live coverage without as much as even getting up.

Hero emerges victorious, and she has a few surface injuries here and there, some nasty looking gashes but she's standing there and she's alive and she's okay and villain finally lets out a breath that they didn't even know they were holding.

That's their strong, sweet and kind hero and villain can't be happier to call her their girlfriend.

Hellooo there lovely people!! I know it's been a long while since I posted (that's because life is pretty hectic rn) but I finally found some time to write (and procrastinate, but that's the usual lol). So what's new is that I've given you all some female rep, because I just realised that I haven't really written much female mc content. So I hope you all enjoyed reading this, and thank you for your support as always - means a lot<3

[dreamsfreckles]

[7:21p.m.] A Couple of Whipped Besties, One Could Say...

~

Sapnap x reader

Fluff

A couple of sus betsies - enjoy!

~

Sapnap smiled proudly at the beautiful view in front of him: you sitting in his gaming chair, beating the shit out of George on a minecraft PVP server.

Naturally, as Sapnap’s best friend, today marked your third night sleeping over at his house, the usual.

You two simply couldn’t get sick of each other.

Sure, he was annoying and relentless sometimes, and maybe you were a bit stubborn and moody; but regardless, both of your personalities clashed and complimented each other perfectly - creating a close friendship. 

Even though your friendship was his most precious treasure, Sapnap couldn’t help but be dissatisfied with it. 

Not because he wasn’t happy with you... but because he wasn’t happy with you. 

incase you need further elaboration:

Sapnap done went and caught feelings for you. (no earnings)

Leaning over your left shoulder as you gamed, Sapnap side-eyed your facial expressions as you passionately played on the computer monitor in front of you, flexing your weirdly amazing skill at PVP.

He admired you; you looked cute while concentrated. Critting George’s player with your diamond axe was Sapnap’s favorite sight to see. Your eyebrows furrowed the slightest bit and your eyes shined as you attempted to predict George’s next move. 

Not to mention you were also hot as fuck. Sapnap didn’t need to admit that though...

Not only were you his cute best friend, but you were also a super skilled player. He seemed to get the best of both worlds when it came to you.

You can be risky, fun, daring and stupid, but at the same time smart, soft, sweet, and safe. It’s rare to have someone as unique and different as you. You were irreplaceable. 

It also just makes things 1000x better when you’re the reason George regrets his entire PVP career.

Sapnap leaned back into his spare chair, laughing in disbelief at you mercilessly owning George in the game. He could hear George’s screams of absolute terror leaking from the headset on your head; his headset. (dollar tree)

Goddamn he’s whipped. (what a shrimp)

The headphones were a little big on you, which added to the cuteness. Sapnap secretly peered at you love-sickly, sighing in content. It was rare for him to be completely in a haze by you simply doing nothing; for some reason you had him completely under your control today.

Your sudden yell broke Sapnap from his trance and brought his attention to the monitor showing the signature “victory” screen. You squealed hopping up from your chair and doing a small victory dance, laughing at George as he wallowed in defeat. You turn to Sapnap, a wide smile on your face. “Were you watching that? George is SHIT!” You laughed. Sapnap shook his head in disbelief. “Have you been practicing? I have to get you to duel Dream... I doubt you could beat him though. Gogy is just trash.” You giggled with Sapnap at his open criticism towards George, while the trash PVP player on the call scoffed and mumbled incoherent curse words. (ignoring the fact Sapnap lowkey called you trash)

“Well,” you start, relaxing back into his gaming chair. “I’m kind of hungry now. Do you want to go get Chick-fil-a or something?” Just before Sapnap could respond, he was rudely interrupted by George screaming on his headset. “YOU’RE GOING TO GET CHICK-FIL-A?!” The headphones rung. “Are you trying to get cancelled Sapnap?” George joked, making literally no one laugh. You glanced at Sapnap in amusement. His face is twisted in playful annoyance as he ends the call with George. “I guess George is right... Don’t want our precious Sappy getting cancelled.” Sapnap scoffs and rolls his eyes at you playing along with George, a smile on his face. You smirk evilly, standing up to walk across his room to grab your purse. “Whelp, looks like you gotta get your own fast food.” You sling your purse over your shoulder and start heading towards his bedroom door.

Sapnap’s eyes widen at your statement. There’s no way he’s letting you go along with George’s stupid-ass joke.

Before you could leave, Sapnap scrambled to wedge himself between you and his door, stopping you from exiting the room. “Um? You’re dog water if you think you’re pulling that bullshit on me?” He sasses, backing you away from his door.

You hold in your laugh and shrug, putting up a serious face. “We should probably have a break from each other anyway... Why don’t you go out and get McDonald’s instead? I’ll be back in like,” you check your phone for affect. “Like 45 minutes.” You state, looking back up to his pretty eyes filled with betrayal.

Sapnap is frozen. He didn’t think that this Chick-fil-a joke would actually be taken some-what seriously. You wanted time away from him? What the fuck? You two have always been clingy to each other! You can barely go to his fucking kitchen by yourself! 

He took a second longer looking into your shining eyes. Then it all clicked.

You little rat. How cruel are you to be playing with his little heart like that?

Sapnap could turn this situation around in a few different ways.

1.) He could call out your cap right now and you two would go out and get your chick-fil-a, or whatever you want to eat.

2.) He could football tackle you to the fucking ground and make you apologize for saying such buffoonery.

3.) He could go along with your cruel joke, and make you think that he 100% agrees that you two “need to take a break.” He can even go as far as calling it a night and telling you that he’s too tired for another sleepover night.

Sapnap was never the merciful type. As much as he is unconditionally in love with you, he don’t play. 

Option 3 was game.

Sapnap looked up and to the side, pretending to think about your suggestion of “taking a break” like it was a valid choice. Stepping away from his place in between you and the door, Sapnap motions for you to go. “You know what, you’re kinda right. You can go ahead, I think I’m going to call someone.” Sapnap whips out his phone from his back jean pocket and turns away from you, pretending to scroll through his contacts.

This makes you stumble for a second. Did he just... agree with you..? Your heart stops beating for a split second and you debate if you should tell him that you were joking or not. You can barely go to the kitchen by yourself, why isn’t he catching on that it was a joke? You stand still there, looking at his turned back. “Okay... I’m just going to go then.” You say, still not making a move to leave. After a moment of him not acknowledging a word you just said, you start again. “Do you like...” you pause. “want me to bring you back something...” Sapnap turns back to you at that, suddenly deciding to pay attention to you. “Uh no thanks, I’ll just eat something here. You should probably call your mom, she probably wants you home. You’ve been here for what-” he checks his phone for the date. “Like 4 days?” He states, looking back up to you.

Your mouth drops. Hurt fills you heart. Did he really just say that?

Yeah... you have been at his house for a while... but you didn’t think that he was getting sick of you. You usually stayed over there for 4 nights on average before you went home.

You’ve stayed there for 6 days before! And you both STILL mourned the loss of each other’s presence when you left!

(Isn’t this simp culture?)

What does this mean? You stand there is silence just looking at him. It’s not like you could argue; you were the one who said you needed a break first.

You felt like crying. Yes... Sapnap is your best friend and this literally isn’t that big of a deal, but... you love Sapnap. You’d spend forever with him if you could. And you thought he would too. You stiffen for a moment. You know he isn’t your boyfriend; as much as you wish he was, you need to stop acting like he is. 

Him saying he wants to be alone shouldn’t be that big of a deal to you! You guys are friends! He’s standing there, looking at you expectantly, waiting for you to go on, do anything.

While you stand there debating your life choices with hurt written all over your face, Sapnap’s mind is racing a million miles an hour. He literally can’t decide if he should burst out laughing from how well his plan worked or hug you and say sorry for being so mean.

He literally can’t decide - so he does both.

Just as you feel your eyes getting the tinniest bit glassy, Sapnap roars with laughter and pulls you into a bear hug, squeezing your waist with one arm and using the other to pet your hair fondly. “I’m so sorry, I had to, it was too good, that literally couldn’t have gone better-” he rambles. You immediately sulk and smack his shoulder, aggressively hugging him back. “YOU ASSHOLE I GOT SO SCARED!” You groan in embarrassment. You literally almost cried.

Sapnap giggles and hugs you tighter, his smile couldn’t possibly get wider. You sigh in relief, snuggling into his arms. “You actually scared me so bad. That was so weird.” Sapnap laughs again, leaning back from you slightly to get a look at your pretty face. You were pouting. Cute. Sapnap smirked and squeezed your cheek with the hand that was previously petting your semi-tangled hair. “You did it to me first you dimwit, what the hell did you think I felt like?!” He exclaimed. “You literally told me to go home you asshole!” You exasperated. Sapnap threw his head back laughing, pulling you back towards him again. He nuzzled into the side of your neck, sighing happily.

As hilarious as it was watching you go through the 5 stages of grief over this situation, it was also heart breaking all at the same time. He hopes he never has to see that again on a serious note, if he’s being honest. If you ever looked like that when you guys were being legit - it would quite literally kill him.

After what felt like 20 minutes of hugging, you pulled back from the hug and looked up at Sapnap, his arms still attached to the ends of your sweatshirt, keeping you in place. 

As he stared down at your pink cheeks and flustered expression, he felt like he could stand with you here for hours. He wishes he could kiss you.

You rolled your eyes at him as he giggled. “Whatever.” You state, walking out of his hold and over to his bed side table. Sapnap watches your movements in confusion. Once at the table, you open the top drawer and snatch his wallet from inside, your back facing him. “I’m getting fucking Chick-fil-a and if you don’t come, I’m literally going to buy the entire menu with this.” You turn facing him and hold up his wallet. Sapnap’s eyes widen in realization at what’s in your possession. He makes a move to run over to you and snatch it back. Unluckily for him, you were already bolting out the door and to his car.

Hello 🥺

I hope u enjoyed sorry it took so long hehee

I’ve had lack of motivation, as we all in this tough pandemic - I hope you guys are all doing well and stay happy and safe 💕

Thankfully we have our fav mcyt gang to help us through tough times :)

Ik sapnap says fuck you, but think of it in an endearing way LOL LOVE U GUYS

[azucanela]

being zuko’s s/o would include hcs?

BEING ZUKO’S S/O [GENDER NEUTRAL!READER]

BEING KORRA’S S/O | BEING SOKKA’S S/O

SUMMARY: being zuko’s s/o from the confession to the weddin’ [say this but make it rhyme the way those singers do ya know]

WORD COUNT: 2.5k

WARNINGS: kissing, very mildly implied nsfw, soft zuko, a dragon

A/N: these are gonna be extensive bc there is no scenario but if you want whole fics there are like 6342 zuko fics coming since everyone is a zuko simp. also wow this is really long um i hope its what you wanted!

GETTING INTO THE RELATIONSHIP

you guys have probably known each other a long time, because homebody does not fall for just anyone, so if you become the object of his affections, you better feel HONORED. hehe honored 

i feel like it takes him a lot of time to actually accept his feelings for you are beyond platonic. the main reason he falls for you is probably your consistency in his life since thats something he tends to lack. like his mom? gone. his dad? kicked him out of the only place he ever knew. his life is filled with major changes so if you guys have known each other since childhood then consistency is key

once he realizes he likes you he kinda panics because what if you don’t accept him? what if you leave? even worse, what if you leave because he likes you? so now he’s panicking, and naturally, as one does, Zuko avoids his problems. You, being the problem. And his emotions, but he is in denial so

definitely talks to his uncle about the two of you A LOT, especially when he is first figuring out his feelings and trying to figure out what to do about them

his uncle is an elite wingman, constantly tries to get the two of you to be alone in the same space or get information out of you in regards to you

when it comes to confessing i can see a few situations

situation one is that zuko confesses completely by accident, freaks out, disappears, avoids you even more, like homie is a mess. after you get fatally injured, or maybe when he thinks you are asleep, or he just kinda blurts it out in conversation when you guys are doing something domestic. regardless, it is entirely by accident, and now zuko is freaking the heck out. 

“i really like this tea.”

“i really like you.”

“excuse me-”

“i goTTA GO FEED MY DRAGOn Y/N!”

“you don’t have a dragon!”

so that’s how zuko gets his dragon from LOK, storytime over

you kinda have to find him and get a word in before he runs off because he is really scared of rejection, he doesn’t want you to leave and assumes that if the situation is never addressed then you can’t leave woohoo problem solved. 

his uncle yells at him lol

when you corner him you gotta confess super fast and handle his anxieties because he is super worried about you hating him now even though it is the opposite. 

“please don’t leave me.”

“i’m not gonna leave my boyfriend.”

“your- your what?”

“we are dating now. i like you, you like me, so we are dating.”

situation two is equally chaotic, but far less dancing around the feelings since you confess! congrats! you have more balls than me! im so proud! good job bb!

when you confess, its probably late at night, a comfortable silence between the two of you, or maybe he’s ranting about something, like how dumb the concept of tea is idk. regardless this is DOMESTIC, so it’s soft and cute and you are just like you know what screw it this nerd is so easily flustered by me maybe he likes me back! look at us cuddling like a couple! might as well make it official!

zuko.exe error, not working

you broke him good job. 

he externally panics and internally congratulates himself while panicking. he is very shocked you feel that way for him because he is an oblivious boy. 

“honestly, i don’t understand why my uncle likes those flavored water leaves so much-”

“i don’t understand why i’m in love with you.”

“WHAT.”

if y’all were cuddling on a bed or smth he THROWS YOU OFF BY ACCIDENT SKJDHJFHKHWJKF oopsie, he just gets up so quickly that you kinda go tumbling.

homie literally asks you why so naturally you gotta start listing all of these reasons why because hes like perfect and beautiful and yeah we all love him a lot :D marry me zuko <3

you gotta give him a hot minute to process all the information you just gave him, he is in shock for a short while, kinda just sitting there confused. once it gets through his thick skull that you like him he’s gonna thank you 💀

then he’ll ask you how you wanna handle this and boom you have a boyfriend now good job! 

DURING THE RELATIONSHIP

dating during a war is hard so when y’all first start dating, probably towards the end of the war when he finally joins the Gaang, its gonna be really chaotic and you guys are still gonna be sorting through everything, like what kinda couple do you wanna be? neither of you know

kisses are rare during this time, especially since zuko is a generally private person who doesn’t really do PDA much, especially since he wants to avoid teasing and judgement from others. he’s a real people pleaser at the end of the day, he literally spent three years of his life looking for someone the world thought just disappeared permanently because he wanted his dad’s validation.

when you two do kiss, it tends to be a night in your shared tent, even then Zuko is weary of Toph’s seismic senses.

his kisses tend to be soft and sensual, he really just wants to take his time and enjoy it. however, bb does have a temper so you can expect some spice on occasion when he gets frustrated.

this comes later on in the relationship, once the war is resolved, but that just brings about new problems! like having to deal with the new fire lord who is always busy as your boyfriend!

especially at the beginning, when he’s newly crowned and everything is busy and new and he’s struggling with being organized, he rarely has time for you. however, you are likely his right hand, main advisor, general, whatever your area of expertise is he will find you a position in the castle, unless you tell him you want to stay out of politics. though, deep down, he wants to give you a position so he can spend time with you

once things calm down and he’s got being fire lord in the bag, he starts blocking in time during his day to actually take you out on dates and stuff

at one point just disappears for the whole day with you and everyone thinks he’s been kidnapped until they realize you aren’t around either

that’s not very responsible of you guys smh you have a nation to run 

is soft with you, though zuko’s temper definitely lessened when he became Fire Lord, but it no doubt shows itself sometimes, but never with you

well need your assurance sometimes because he gets insecure

like why is the beautiful amazing intelligent woman dating me i do not understand what the heck why have you not left me yet

knock some sense into him

also gets worried that he is a horrible ruler and wants you to tell him that he in fact does his job very well

did you forget you helped end a war zuko?

kiss. his. scar. give him love, its one of few physical parts of himself that he is insecure about and if you kiss him there he might start crying because wow intimacy didn’t know what that was

speaking of intimacy, he is a touch starved boy so when you start giving him love do not stop, never deprive him of cuddles he gets grumpy

lol play volleyball with him

very domestic??? like his parents highkey did not like eachother so now he just wants to hold your hand, lay with you in the morning, wake up to your pretty face, and just cuddle with you while you read aloud 

overall you two are a power couple and zuko simps for you 25/8 you rule as a team and he values you and your opinion VERY much, tries to take you out as often as he can despite his VERY demanding job, and expresses his love to the best of his ability

MARRIAGE N STUFF

zuko took the throne YOUNG he was like 16, so he is not proposing until y’all are at least adults, but i imagine that he is probably gonna wanna date you for like at least three years before proposing

he wants to make sure you are there to stay even if you’ve been around since childhood

there are two ways he is gonna propose here

situation one is where he kinda just does it,,, randomly? like out of nowhere he realizes that w o w he wants to marry you, he wants to spend the rest of his life with you and dedicate everything to you because you are HIS forever person

so he’s kinda just laying with you in the morning, nice soft kisses here and there, will not let you leave the bed and you are definitely complaining, especially if you have a position in the palace and need to get to work

regardless its a soft moment, there’s light filtering in through the window in your shared room, and its shining on your face, and yeah you are lowkey a mess because its the morning but you are just,, so,, beautiful??

and you start telling him about your plans for the, playing with his hair and stuff, and he’s listening to his heartbeat when he breaks from your hold and looks up at you and is just like

“marry me.”

“we also need to feed your dragon- wait what”

you are kinda just in shock for a moment, so you sit up and look at him, mouth gaping open like

“are you serious?”

he suddenly realizes he doesn’t have a ring and it is 7AM in the morning and it is not the best time for this

“...yes”

now you are laughing, falling back onto the pillows, and maybe there’s a tear in your eye as you nod rapidly, “okay, yes.”

now you are thinking of the fake story you are gonna tell people when they asked how he proposed because you are NOT saying it was in bed at 7AM while you were looking like a whole mess

“yes? yes as in yes you will marry me? are you serious?” 

such an idiot, but he’s cute its okay

you kiss him and its passionate and adorable, and he kisses back but he quickly breaks apart and is like “you’re sure? because i don’t have a ring-”

“how have you successfully run a country.”

“good thing you are gonna join me on the throne i suppose.”

“oh my god you’re right-”

“you aren’t reconsidering are you?”

“NO.”

have fun being the fire god woo

now y’all go back to making out and traumatize whatever advisor comes to check on you because they’re like where are the people who rule this country??? 

situation two is where he has been carrying around the ring for MONTHS but is looking for the perfect time to propose because you are perfect so this must be perfect

he couldn’t sleep and in the middle of the night he was like WELP I WANNA GET ENGAGED and kinda just decided he was gonna marry you

since you were asleep he couldn’t ask you right then and these

confides in the gaang and everyone is super excited

now he’s been walking around with this ring for months and what is he supposed to do now oh god

the gaang is like stop procrastinating bro, just ASK HER, and hes like NO IT NEEDS TO BE PERFECT

they help him set up the palace courtyard and make it all nice, there are lanterns, and candles, and a path of rose petals, and this time around he does have a ring so yes its great

he’s like hey let’s go for a walk! and you’re like okay??? lol

so you two are walking around the palace, holding hands, when he leads you to the courtyard and you are just like DAMN this is romantic AND pretty

“i think we are interrupting Zuko let’s leave”

“what do you mean interrupting-”

“well someone clearly put in a lot of effort!”

“that someone is me!”

:O

its not that he isn’t romantic its just that he’s never done something like this so now you’re confused

“did i forget our anniversary?”

“no.”

NOW you understand, looking around, you turn back to him to find that he’s on one knee, you two are in front of the pond with the turtleducks and wow it must be raining why is there water on your face? haha...

he tells you he loves you and that he wants to spend the rest of his life with you, and how he hopes he never loses you because you are just so vital to his life and his being and everything he’s done to make this world a better place has been for you and damn zuko you wonder if he got possessed

obviously you agree

and obviously something goes wrong

when he stands you tackle him with a hug and you two fall into the pond

oops 

the wedding[disclaimer: i have never been to a wedding so i do not know what happens in weddings, feel free to educate me pls] is either REALLY intimate and private, or really big and stuff, since you gotta go through that whole coronation process now and like public weddings n stuff

no matter what his uncle is the one who walks you down the aisle.

change my mind.

you cant. 

the intimate one is almost similar to eloping, probably happens in the court yard where he proposed, and you are wearing a AMAZING outfit, whether its a tux, an amazing dress, a jumpsuit, you gonna look FIRE

hehe fire

anyways it’ll probably be the people who fought with him in the war, the gaang, the white lotus, kyoshi warriors, maybe a few others, 

its a really nice ceremony, and the courtyard is decorated so beautifully, though Zuko considered putting a fence around the pond considering what happened when he proposed lol

if its a more public wedding, then its going to feel like the entire Fire Nation came to watch y’all get married, much more flashy, there’s a band performance, a banquet, y’all gotta use the ballroom so that everyone can dance 

kinda nerve wracking ngl

regardless, after you two get married nothing really changes because you always acted like an old married couple, and even as the other ruler of the fire nation, you always had an important job in the palace so its kinda just the same but more official

its a vibe

moral of the story is zuko is a simp for you and your marriage is mutual simping, that is all

A/N: i kinda went off ngl, also im about to hit 200 followers and i feel as though i should do something special so i am taking suggestions pls

taglists[lmk if you wanna be added or removed :D]

zuko: @shawni-h @lil-lex1 @boxofteenageideas @izzieserra @eridanuswave @bigbuckyenergy @outerxorbit

permanent: @chewymoustachio

[sugar-petals]

When I look at yuzuru he strikes me as a really soft cutesy charming etheral individual not really homme fatal kind of guy that's why I think he's pure romantic rather than TR what do u think? ( love you btw)

i’ve been thinking about it as well, but it’s not a crystal clear case. he’s a sportsman, skating morphs the body in the most uncommon ways which makes it harder to narrow down the type. 

basics first so we get the foundations right: pinpointing the kibbe category he is + isn’t and why, the subtype after.

1. which one of the big 5?

- safe to say, yes: he’s somewhere in the romantic category. nobody does these outfits quite like yuzu. light fabrics, intricate embellishments, he is famous for all that gorgeous princely tailoring. the sport is all about the sequins, he definitely shines in them. every professional figure skating photographer out there will tell you that he hits different and you can see why.

WOW.

i’ve witnessed people complaining that the glitz and glam no longer suits his age, he gets scorn for not dressing traditionally masculine, but i don’t know how it wouldn’t look appropriate. the only valid criticism is that it’s often a hit or miss, but we’d be damned if this isn’t what an ice prince looks like.

he’s the best in the world and his main goal is to put on a show. rolling up in a polo shirt would contradict the objective, being an allround artist first and only then a jump technician. he’s exactly how you’d expect a yuzuru hanyu to look like. if you appear ‘like yourself’, it’s the right kibbe category.

R clothing typically has a sexy edge as well, you can’t put a kid into that. cut out cleavage, transparent, figure-hugging, no way. if anything, most R styles seemed all over the place when yuzu was younger (this is from 2010). yin is meant to be tailored for adults to begin with, you can’t make it teenage gamine.

eleven years later at 26, yuzuru hanyu in 2021, adult man, wearing the hell out of a skating gala outfit. this would be tacky on someone any younger. R is not just light and sweet but also dignified and mature. long story short. he’s grown into a yin-dominant type. fits to a T, a feast for the eye.

- meanwhile: you can easily exclude dramatic. very thick, stable fabrics with large lines are gigantic on him. D clothing is a yuzu charm killer, figures because it’s the type opposite to romantic (pure yang). it washes out the face and is twice as wide as his frame is, bulks out around the shoulders.

- not a natural type either, it feels a bit too simple, underchallenging. ruffled hair appears dishevelled where it’d be just right on a natural. it doesn’t fully highlight him: natural looks aren’t the most memorable on yuzuru even if they tend to be rather neutral and don’t look too off per se, it has a bit of draping after all. 

he looks really good in the below outfit, but his frame doesn’t fill it out. he’s all elegant underneath and radiates ballet while N is a rough, easy-going, and leisurely concept for very bulky frames. the waist gets missing in translation, the mid-section of shirts like these is too wide.

- not a gamine either. he might appear like one and i deliberated back and forth whether he is Pure G or FG, but the material mix, line breaks, and fashion experiments are creating chaos rather than something put-together. it just isn’t as flattering as when he does drapes and florals. the hair being cropped (typical gamine cut) often obfuscates the face. G styles are confusing on yuzu.

his skating is from outer space but this is probably a bit too galactical 😅

- not a classic. something’s not right, suits like these contrast a lot with how round his face is and sit on his body very randomly. missing waist again (yin). the same people who want him to dress more conservatively/masculine have been roasting yuzu for looking like a salary man in that style 🤔 i sense hypocrisy. in any case, classic underwhelms, he’s made to dress up. more points to yin, he he’s too petite to wear C.

now, we got the main category down, time for subtyping. romantic has two options.

2. which romantic?

arguments in favor of Theatrical Romantic:

this type is what he often portrays in the rink (e.g. the phantom of the opera programme) and has become his secret weapon. whether that speaks of his true type is the question. what i mean is, he can pull it off, the seductive homme fatale. compare jimin, people lose their minds over theatrical romantic men. yuzu is in that lane as well.

as in, balance of main yin with a yang undercurrent — the very gentle, princely young man with the soft face who gathers everyone’s hearts, and he is a damn flirt on ice, but who can give a very visceral, dark performance. that shows a tremendous fervor and an edge, with an athletic and taut body.

he does have some yang elements to his physicality. streamlined silhouette, some narrowness, extreme flat muscle, long triangular upper body, some vertical line. also — his color palette (aka skin undertone, cool v warm, hue, chroma, deepness etc) might match TR. on the other hand, it might simply be the black hair giving him the contrast for it. 

the reason why we might get the TR impression is that he often wears all black which suggests dramatic, and the athleticism in his profession has trained away the chubbiness he might naturally have. the face as the only part that won’t be somehow affected by his routine is all yin. 

arguments in favor of pure Romantic:

... as you pointed out. in private life and backstage, he is quite effortlessly sweet- and small-looking. with the delicacy and doe-eyedness you’d expect from pure romantic, very unlike his performance persona. 

if you didn’t know he’s copyrighted BDE on the ice, yuzu seems like he can’t harm a fly, round rosy bean he is. he makes a very innocent and soft 1st impression in candids which no other type except soft gamine does.

facial features, all opposite of yang. not long, not sharp, not planar, not angular, not bony, not narrow. the button nose, full lips, and puffy cheeks is all you see. you’d not think of him as striking (=D, FN).

that’s also why he’s always pitted as nathan chen’s opposite in whatever he does. nate is on the other end of the kibbe spectrum, people probably don’t even realize that their physical lines are contrasting archetypes. it’s subconsciously part of why people can construct such a rivalry. 

study nathan’s face and it becomes apparent. very oblong shape, flat-laying flesh and an asymmetric jaw that couldn’t be any more prominent (=yang). the brows and eyes create a powerful horizontal unlike yuzu’s more wide-set puppy eyes. the nose is longer, the ears, too. nathan looks sharp, piercing, and intimidating rather than soft. you see the exact outline of the bone.

with him, you assume the reverse of what people think of yuzu at first glance. if you didn’t know that nathan couldn’t be any nerdier, you’d believe he’s 1000% jock-off-the-charts. how he has a lot of yang contributed to his on-ice image, too. one’s kibbe type can shape life choices since people see you in a certain way simply based on your lines.

how yuzu is such a visual difference to nathan further points to how he’s closer to pure yin: rather than a subtype that picks up elements from dramatic. otherwise, you’d see some of that angularity. but no: roundness over structure, you see the flesh, not frame. you couldn’t call him a jock by all means 😆 

you won’t see that chiseled geometry and crazy jawline/browline. as you say he’s more cutesy, and a charmer, the whole fandom will agree. pure romantics have everyone wrapped around their fingers (and their booty lmao!) because you want to pepper them with kisses, yin types all look so non-threatening and beautiful. ethereal is the right word. 

and they’re the sexiest ofc, since they’re curvy. R got hips.

sigh... this type is a showstopper. what to do with him. he can beam at ya or he can sway his hips at ya, another unsuspecting hanyu interessee falls for the guy. he does the prince concept and the sexy cutie alike.

he tries to convince us otherwise 😂

sexy aside, he looks great in the respective clothing recs, with waist emphasis and rounded edges. kimonos are often soft dramatic or natural-inspired, but it works out well this way. and again: romantic is not childish/playful clothing of some kind, it can be very official and deliberate.

rather than in edge tailoring which is very loose around his arms and does yuzu no justice. that’s actually the kind of clothing that makes him appear either younger or older depending on if it’s D or C.

TLDR - he might not seem completely yin in his appearance, but that’s because of his excessive sports regimen. since yuzu has been training since he was a kid, we never saw how he’d normally be. he rocks the pure romantic regardless and it’s likely it’s his kibbe type. him wearing R is always a spectacle.

bonus kibbe meme: yuzu, photoshopped to the moon and back, wearing soft dramatic for a toothpaste ad. amazing.

[wrenhyperfixates]

Kissing Your Worries Away

Pairing: Loki x reader Summary: A bad dream interrupts your sleep, but Loki steps in to save you from your demons. Warnings: a tiny bit angsty, I suppose, and some depressive/anxious thoughts A/N: Hello my lovely nonny! This was such fun to write, thank you for requesting it. Hope you enjoy :)

Tag List: @lucywrites02 @frostedgiant​​ @lunarmoon8​ @twhiddlestonsstuff​ @lokistan​

Disclaimer: Gif not mine

It was odd, Loki thought, the differences between dating on Asgard and Midgard. Most of the things done on Earth would have been considered improper, and sometimes even scandalous where he came from. Now, he didn’t really do much dating back on his home planet, and it would have been referred to as courting, anyway. In any case, he knew quite a bit about it, having desired companionship through his long, lonely years. And then along came you, nothing but a mere mortal who somehow meant so much more than that to him. You’d enchanted him with your kind smile, loving attitude, and perfect personality. That’s how he perceived you, anyway; it was like you two were soulmates.

Of course, Loki had not made the first move. Then again, maybe you didn’t really either. He had been too scornful in the beginning to realize what was right in front of him was exactly what he was looking for. Even with his rather callous attitude, you’d persisted and broken down his walls. A friendship, strong as the branches of Yggdrasil, was forged between you two. That, however, made Loki too fearful to ask you out, for if you had rejected him, he’d have lost you entirely. Little did he know, you’d been going through the same thoughts in your head. It wasn’t until one night of reading on the couch when you had kissed each other—it was still unclear to both of you who had actually initiated it, so you decided to call it a mutual action—that you were able to move past your uncertainties. As for who had officially asked who out, it was once again unclear, though Loki insisted it was you.

“My apologies,” he’d said after you’d kissed. “I should not have done that.”

“Loki,” you’d replied, shaking your head. “That’s what I wanted to do, too. And, I wouldn’t mind doing it in public, either, you know.”

“Well then, we shall do just that.”

For the next week after, the Avengers had to endure longing yet excited glances and gentle touches between you two. Loki wasn’t much for PDA, unless of course he was feeling particularly jealous, but he didn’t mind the small gestures. The rest of the team simultaneously found it adorable and sickeningly sweet. Not to mention how odd it seemed once they remembered how the trickster god used to be. Regardless, Loki was excited to take you out for a date. You’d gone to a nice restaurant in the city, and you’d both thoroughly enjoyed yourselves. For the second date, though, you insisted on just having a casual, quiet night in. And that is how Loki found himself knocking on the door to your quarters in a tee shirt and sweatpants, though nothing too baggy as he never was a fan of that style for himself.

“Loki!” you greeted with a bright smile. “I’ve got the movie all ready to go, and the snacks all laid out, so I’m ready to start whenever you are.”

“I do believe there is one other thing we must do first,” he said, walking into the room.

You crinkled your nose and tried to figure out what he meant, asking, “What’s that?”

“This,” he answered, pulling you in for a kiss.

By the time you broke away, you were both a little out of breath, and Loki couldn’t help but chuckle at how adorable you looked. Not only that, but you were incredibly beautiful, too. He cupped your cheek and kissed you again, unable to fight the urge.

“Alright, I think I am ready to begin now,” he informed you as he pulled away again, knowing that if he did not stop now, he’d keep going all night.

You nodded along, still a little flustered from the intimate moment. Hand in hand, you and your raven haired prince walked over to the couch and settled in under the blankets. Even though you’d begun already tucked under one of his arms, you got increasingly close to him during the film, snuggling closer and closer as the minutes ticked by. Eventually, you fell asleep against him, the slackening of your arms around him immediately alerting him. The movie was not yet over, and he wondered if he should go or stay until the end. He decided that if you were to wake up, you might be disappointed that he left, so he remained where he was. Besides that dilemma, he wasn’t really sure how to react to the fact you trusted him enough to sleep in his presence. It was, in his opinion, the ultimate show of trust to allow yourself to be so vulnerable around someone. Even in all your time as friends, you’d never done anything like this before.

Before long, your arms were tightening around him again, and he expected to see your eyes flutter open at any second. They didn’t though. In fact, you were whimpering a little, softly at first, but then louder. Before he could react to that, your body began to shake and the whines grew louder still.

“Darling,” he whispered. “What is it? Are you feeling well?”

You did not respond, and after a minute of befuddlement, he realized you were still asleep. Not only that, you were having a nightmare. He flashed back to the countless nights when he’d woken up in a state much like yours, and how each time he’d wished for someone to comfort him. Well, he was here for you now.

“Do not fret, my love, I am here. I will protect you,” he said, though softly enough to not wake you up, but rather just penetrate your dreams. “Nothing can happen to you so long as you are in my arms.”

Carefully maneuvering your bodies, he brought you to a laying position. Facing you, he smoothed out the crinkles of your forehead with a kiss. Arms wrapped around you, he rubbed your back and alternated between humming and speaking reassurances. Even when your body finally relaxed, he didn’t stop. Rather, he peppered even more little kisses on your face until a smile overtook your features. He pulled the blanket tightly around you, and placing one last kiss to your head, got ready to go to sleep, too.

“Loki,” you whispered, still half asleep, just as his eyes began to slip shut. “I love you.”

“I love you, too, darling,” he said back, drifting off into a dreamless sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Loki’s eyes snapped open. It was still dark out, but he knew something had awoken him. He quickly wracked his brain, trying to figure out if not the light, then what? That’s when your small whimpers registered in his brain again. How he had wished he wouldn’t need to disturb your rest, but it was obvious that you needed to talk about whatever it was that was bothering you. Before the dream could get too bad, he said your name and rubbed your back until you awoke.

“Is the movie over?” you asked in a groggy voice, feeling very disoriented.

“Yes, it has been for a while. The issue here, though, is that you were having a nightmare. The second one of the night, I might add. Will you tell me what is wrong? Please? I only wish to help.”

“I know.”

You didn’t say anything else, and Loki didn’t press, lest he drive you away or further upset you. He just kept tracing circles on your back until you were ready to continue.

“I just, I don’t know, feel so insecure sometimes. Like I’m just not enough, no matter what I do. And that whenever I get close to someone like this, it doesn’t matter because they’re just going to leave me anyway. God, it sounds so stupid when I say it out loud.”

“It does not. Do not discredit your emotions like that,” Loki scolded. “It is perfectly valid to feel insecure, but you must tell me so I can reassure you that I will never, ever leave you for anything in the nine realms or beyond. You mean too much to me for me to leave, darling. I love you.”

You hugged him closer, nuzzling into the crook of his neck. Naturally, those words didn’t chase all your doubts away. After all, that is all they were: words. And from the God of Lies, no less. Still, though, you trusted Loki in your heart, and it helped a great deal.

“Thank you, Loki. I hope you know I feel the same way about you,” you said into his skin.

“I believe it with all my heart, darling.”

Then he placed one final lingering kiss to your lips for the night before you both went back to sleep in each other’s arms, feeling much lighter than you had in a long time.

[ladykissingfish]

Under the Mistletoe with the Akatsuki // Part Nine // Pein (Nagato)

Leader. Never in a million years did Nagato Uzumaki believe he had it in him for be a leader, and especially not one of a group of S-ranked criminals like the ones that comprised his Akatsuki. But perhaps he really wasn’t; after all, save for Konan, none of them had even met him before. All they knew about him was Pein, the body that he animated and controlled through his chakra. Yet despite all he and his group have accomplished, the nagging feeling never leaves him ... that Yahiko would have done a much better job than Nagato. It’s one of the main reasons that Nagato fashioned his main Pein-body after his old friend; to try and infuse some of Yahiko’s wisdom and charisma into his own leadership style. One of the things Yahiko often stressed was the importance of having people around you that you could trust, and depend on. In short - friends. Aside from Konan, Nagato doesn’t truly consider anyone in this organization to be his ‘friend’ ... rather, he’s come to think of the group as a whole of being his family. And apparently families played games with each other, hence why he (as Pein) agrees to this mistletoe game now.

Kisame

“Good evening, Leader.” Kisame was by far one of the more desirable members that Nagato had strived to bring into his group. Mature, experienced with battle and ninjutsu, and one of the fabled Seven Swordsmen of the Mist. In any given situation, in any conflict between members of the group, Kisame will most often be the voice of reason. Nagato chose to pair him with the young but mature beyond his years Itachi, believing they’d have much to learn from one another, and he was correct. Out of all the duos, theirs was probably the most stable (and certainly the least problematic). Despite being both tall and intimidating, the half-shark had a surprisingly gentle, almost shy nature to him when one caught him in a one on one situation, as was the case now. Kisame walks up to Pein but seems unable to take the initiative, so Pein does so himself. He puts one hand on Kisame’s shoulder, leans up slightly, and kisses his cheek. Kisame blushes and grins, before going back to his room for the evening.

Sasori

Unbeknownst to the others, aside from Konan, Sasori is the only member of the Akatsuki that knows that Pein isn’t who (or what) he presents himself to be. After all, spending years hidden inside a puppet body gave one a little leeway into seeing into (or perhaps seeing past) others’ true selves. But Sasori understands Nagato’s need to conceal his real body; in fact, he’s even helped him a few times. He’s travelled with Konan before to meet the actual Nagato, when the latter came down with an illness that Konan wasn’t sure how to treat. Sasori used his extensive knowledge of medical procedures to help Nagato, and since then, the two had become good friends. He also gave him valuable advice (again from his own experience of using chakra to control multiple puppets at once) to Nagato in how to more effectively maneuver his Six Paths of Pein bodies during battle, even helping Nagato to tweak them to better control their movements. Sasori shows Nagato (and ultimately, Pein) the same respect that he would a fellow master puppeteer. He approaches Pein now, in his own body. Pein leans down and kisses his cheek, and the two nod at each other before Sasori returns to his own room.

Itachi

“He murdered his entire clan in one evening.” “Are you sure?” “Well, all but his younger brother. But I’m sure if he ever got the chance —“ Nagato still remembers the conversation he had with Konan, the day before they brought Itachi into the Akatsuki. Nagato had been against it at first, believing that one who could commit such callous atrocities against his own clan and family would no doubt have trouble turning against a group of people that were strangers to him. But Itachi pleasantly surprised Nagato, with how calm, and quiet, and kind he was. He often forgets how young Itachi is, considering he speaks and acts like a man decades older. But still ... there was a sadness that could be felt whenever Itachi was in the room, tangible even to someone who’s “real” body was quite far away, like Nagato’s was. When Itachi comes to him, the Pein body reaches out and pulls the boy into a hug. Itachi seems surprised, but whether out of respect to the leader or because he truly needed it, he lets the embrace happen. The two stand there for longer than seems feasible, until Pein breaks it by gently kissing Itachi’s forehead. Itachi steps back, gives Pein a smile (which turns back the clock even more and makes Itachi seem like a child) and goes back to his room.

Deidara

Nagato felt real, valid concern when bringing the 15 year old Deidara into his group. Besides being the youngest, besides having that volatile temper and wanton pleasure in causing chaos and destruction ... the kid was beautiful. An odd word for a male, perhaps, but it was the most fitting term for him. In the Akatsuki it was more or less made clear that Konan was off-limits in terms of things like that, but Deidara ... with his long silky hair, big blue eyes, soft skin ... what was to stop one (or possibly ALL) of these older (and likely stronger) members from attempting to — but Nagato was lucky, in that everyone exhibited more self-control than he gave them credit for. And pairing him first with the older Sasori and then with the wily Tobi had seemed to be good choices, as well. One taught him maturity, and the other, patience. Although sometimes — “Oi, Leader ... can you talk to Kakuzu for me?” “For what?” “He won’t let me have an advance on my pay, because he says I’m just going to waste it on ‘my stupid clay’, hm!” “I do not interfere with the financial decisions of my treasurer, Deidara.” “But —“ Pein kisses his forehead and says, quietly, “Learn to exercise restraint when it comes to your artistic endeavors, Deidara.” Deidara grumbles as he walks away, and Pein smiles and shakes his head as he watches him go.

Kakuzu

“Pein. No matter what Deidara said to you, you won’t convince me to give him an advance on his pay. That boy is already three weeks into his money, and our budget simply won’t allow —“ “Do not fear, Kakuzu. I don’t intend to step on your toes regarding our finances.” Never in Nagato’s life has he met anybody quite so concerned with money as Kakuzu. He was strict not only with his own money, but every other member’s, as well. While Nagato found this to be a character flaw at first, now, he saw Kakuzu’s thriftiness and frugal tendencies as being a God-send. It was only because of him that they were able to move from hideout to hideout, to put food on the table, to buy clothes and weapons and any number of things that the group needed to survive. But his finance-savvy ways weren’t even the most impressive thing about him; it was the fact that he dealt with Hidan, day in and day out, and had not been driven to madness. The older man walks up to Pein now, lowers his mask, and delivers a light kiss to the cheek. Pein nods and watches as he leaves, noting, as he often did, his cold Kakuzu’s skin is. Nagato can feel it through Pein’s sensors; standing close to Kakuzu is much like standing in front of an open grave. He often felt that he should suggest redesigning Kakuzu’s Akatsuki robe to make it warmer, but Nagato knows that this suggestion would be rapidly rejected.

Zetsu

On the day that it is Pein’s turn under the mistletoe, Zetsu is nowhere to be found. Nagato knows where he is, of course; traveling through the earth at the speed of sound, going to scout out an enemy territory before the Akatsuki makes a move on it. Zetsu and his infiltration skills have helped Nagato countless times in the past, providing valuable intel on targets and mapping out the most problem-free routes for the rest of the group to take on missions. Still, though; there’s something about the plant-man that gave Nagato the slighter touch of unease. Being near Zetsu, even through the barrier of Pein, gave Nagato the feeling of being inches away from a wild animal. Hearing him speak was like listening to a dog that suddenly begins speaking in a human tongue. Nagato is very glad that Pein does not have to kiss this individual, and in fact hopes that his turn will end before Zetsu makes his inevitable return.

Tobi

Tobi, Tobi, Tobi ... such a confusing young man. Such a surprising young man. Many months ago, the Pein-body walked into Tobi’s room to retrieve him for something, and happened to catch him sleeping. Nagato was curious and made his artificial body approach the side of the bed that Tobi’s face was on ... but all Nagato was met with was darkness. A solid, blurred-out black where the boy’s face should have been. Nagato thought that perhaps something was malfunctioning in the Pein body’s ocular region ... but everything else was clear as a bell. Did Tobi have some kind of exterior defense mechanism set into place that would bar Pein, specifically Pein, from seeing his actual face? And if that was the case, then WHY? What exactly was he hiding?? It made Nagato nervous, but he never let this on to Tobi. “Pein-sama, Pein-sama! Is it Tobi’s turn for a kissy?!” Pein nods and Tobi approaches him, slides his mask halfway off ... and again all Pein can make out is blackness. He can feel his cheek being kissed, but his vision doesn’t return to 100% until Tobi’s mask is fully back in place. “Thanks, Pein-sama!”, Tobi says; and is it Nagato’s imagination or is there a touch of smugness to his voice? Well, regardless, the kid is leaving, and a Nagato can put him out of his mind once more.

Hidan

“I’ve had to kiss every single one of you fucks, including the old geezer and the orange idiot. Now I’ve gotta slobber with the boss too?? What’s next; are we are jumping into bed and having a group fuck?!” Nagato hadn’t rolled his eyes in many years (and rolling Pein’s eyes would have been an unbecoming gesture for a leader), but hearing Hidan speak always made Nagato want to break this self-imposed rule. With his additional bodies, his Rinnegan, his seemingly unlimited chakra and his fabled Uzumaki clan endurance, Nagato considers himself to be an earthbound God. But then this kid, this foul-mouthed violent crusader, comes into the group speaking about HIS God, Lord Jashin, and flaunting his (admittedly enviable) gift of immortality. From the very beginning, Hidan made it clear that offering sacrifices to his God was his main priority; and the kid wasn’t lying. It’s always been Pein’s (Nagato’s) mandate that as long as one completed their assigned mission, then they would be free to do as the my liked in their spare time. But Hidan’s preferred “hobby” left even someone as war-weary and hardened as Nagato feeling a bit queasy, in the pit of his stomach. “Come, Hidan.” Hidan visibly balks at being given an order; but he’s never love hesitated to obey the Leader. He goes to Pein and, after Pein studies his face, receives a kiss on the nose. The gesture is so light and whimsical that it leaves Hidan blushing and flustered, as evidenced by his leaving without uttering a single swear word.

Konan

The kiss between Konan and Pein is ... disappointingly short. Surprising, considering how close the two of them are, and how much Pein seems to care about her. But it’s a very quick forehead peck, and then both Pein and Konan retire to their rooms. The Pein-body shuts down in his own room, but Konan is getting dressed. It’s a somewhat lengthy journey, especially for this time of night, but one Konan is very familiar with. She comes every single day, after all, after everyone else is asleep or preoccupied for the evening. The old cave is so far into the woods, and from the outside seems abandoned, but ... “Nagato? I’m here.” Nagato turns his head and, although he’s happy to see her, can’t help but sigh. “You’re soaking wet.” Konan uses her cloak to wipe her face, telling him it’s not a big deal, just a little drizzle outside... but it is to Nagato. Trapped like this, a prisoner of his body and his hatred and pain ... anybody else would have walked out and left him years ago. But Konan, no matter what, she stayed by his side, and showed him more caring and comfort than Nagato felt he deserved. “I brought you some beef and curry rice tonight,” Konan said, now uncovering a small bowl. “It’s still warm.” She moves into position to feed him, and as she does, she quietly tells him little tidbits about her day. It’s solely through Konan that Nagato has any sense of the outside world at all, or any REAL idea about what the members of the Akatsuki are actually like. And he’s grateful to her. He’s grateful to her for so many — “Konan?” She looks up from where she’d been tidying up. “Yes?” “I’m so sorry.” She stops and looks at him, head tilted. “Sorry? What are you sorry about?” “I’m sorry that you’re not married, I’m sorry that you don’t have children, or a family, I’m sorry that you go from hideout to hideout and village to village and all you see is the same pain we saw when we were kids. And I’m sorry that things are only this way because of me. I couldn’t save Yahiko, and I’m destroying you, and any chance at happiness you could have had. I never meant for things to be this way. I’m —“ but Konan’s arms are around him before he can finish his sentence. “You’re a goddamn idiot,” she mumbles, her voice slightly shaky. “Yahiko dying wasn’t your fault, and my life — my life is full, and despite what you may believe, I’m happy, Nagato. This Akatsuki you’ve created; you’ve done two things. You’re fulfilling Yahiko’s dream, and you’ve given me, US, a family. So stop with this nonsense, okay?” “But I —“, and Konan interrupts him again, this time with a soft kiss on the cheek. Her lips breathe warmth and comfort into his chilled skin. “You’re the most important person on this earth to me, and I love you,” she murmurs as she pulls away, a smile on her face. “But I swear if you don’t cheer up, you’re not getting any of this dessert I made.” A pause, and then, with a smirk reminiscent of the shy boy he once was, “I’ll only cheer up if it’s something I like.” “Strawberry pie.” Nagato gives Konan an even bigger smile, to which she replies “That’s better”; and the two laugh. He feels like a weight has been lifted off of his heart. After dessert, he tries to mentally prepare himself for her leaving again ...but to his surprise she pulls a blanket from her satchel spreading it out neatly along the ground. “You’re staying tonight?” “I’m staying.” “Good. I love you, too, by the way.” “I know.” Before bed she spends a good deal of time gently brushing out his hair, telling him jokes and stories, the same that she used to do with him and Yahiko when they were all children, during those many long, cold nights when hunger or anxiety kept them awake. Neither is present now, but the goodness of the feeling remains the same. After awhile they both fall asleep, and for once their dreams are calm and peaceful.

[shoyouth]

Hey you’re writing is really cute and I saw your hcs for a mc with a girlfriend and I really loved it! Do you think you can do a ikevamp suitors react to a transgender mc? One who was born female but identifies as a man? Lgbqt otome fans don’t get enough love so I’d be super awesome if you could write something ❤️

Hello darling!! I’m so sorry this took me a month or so to get to, but I’m glad to be doing it now! I also had an ask for a non-binary!mc but since I feel like all the suitors would treat the two similarly, I’ll be trying my best to fit it into one/accommodate both here :) hope you enjoy, love! Please lmk if anything sounds sketchy/offensive, since I don’t have experience with this myself!

napoleon ; okay. You stare at him dumbstruck bc he’s not taken aback for a moment, he just shrugs and then asks if you want to spar. I feel like he’d treat you v similarly to issac and jean even if you are his lover, bc there’s a v specific respect and care he treats those two with, a way he looks out for them. Would never falter with your pronouns, and if anyone makes a comment he’s like?? Your point?? They’re obv a man/non-binary, idk how you’re seeing a woman. He would also never hesitate to draw out his sword if anyone dared to grow a little too bold/rude.

arthur ; handsome ol’ chap! absolutely slathers you in compliments to validate your identity and make you feel confident, you almost wonder if he likes the way calling you by your pronouns rolls off his tongue. Though he normally was into women, I don’t think he would be opposed to dating you at all, and would grow icy with others who made comments about your relationship. He’s be very vocally supportive, but his teasing compliments will take a softer, more sincere turn if you ever need him to remind you that you’re valid.

mozart ; I see him helping you fix up your appearance ngl? Like not spending a bunch like comte, but silently aiding you in how to appear/act manly/non-binary for the 1800s, such as fixing/trimming your hair into a more “fashionable” look for the times, or nonchalantly informing you that your sleeves should be a little longer. He doesn’t do this to invalidate you at all! He thinks it’s a more subtle way of helping you feel confident navigating their world in your own way. Never hesitates to inform you that you look rather dashing that evening, or to run his finger along your chin with a proud/loving gaze in his eyes.

leonardo ; he’s immortal, he’s heard many a things that haven’t been considered ‘the norm’ for the times. He just kind of nods and takes a step back to admire your face, saying that your features are beautifully androgynous/masculine. If you bind your chest, he’ll frown if you suggest using a kind of corset, and will instead get to work tinkering a more comfortable and safe binding for you to use. Always refers to you as your desires pronouns, and corrects anyone who uses incorrect ones nonchalantly. He likes that he can get away with certain things with you that normal het couples wouldn’t be able to.

vincent ; I think he’d be intrigued and easily adapt to your pronouns; he’d treat you with respect regardless. He’s probably heard of transgender/non-binary before, but I think he, like leo, would spend a lot of time admiring your face and the way you present yourself. Will constantly compliment you, but unlike arthur, it’s not to fluster you or subtly make you feel confident, but bc he keeps finding things about you to be in awe of. You’ll be a very common subject in his sketches and paintings because of the way you hold yourself.

theo ; His brows raise a bit, but they lower just as quickly and he accepts it. You almost think he doesn’t care/remember bc he always calls you a dog instead of your name/pronoun, but he instantly corrects anyone who uses the wrong one, and glares at anyone who gives you shit. If you ever get down on yourself for your appearance not matching your identity, he sternly sits you down and firmly lists everything about you he finds beautiful and fitting to what you want to be. And though it wasn’t his intention, you never fail to grow flustered bc of the little details he’s picked up on, due to the nature of his job rubbing off on his own perceptiveness.

issac ; A little flustered boy. Similar to jean, I think he’d have the right attitude but be a bit clumsy about it. He doesn’t want to offend you! Ofc being trans/a man/non-binary doesn’t matter, he just loves you, but he’s anxious and overthinks how he address you, how he acts around you. Should he not call you petnames? Are those considered feminine? Am I invalidating them by using them?? He just grows stiff and nervous and you have to remind him to breath: just use the correct pronouns and respect you, there’s not much else to it. After a while he relaxes and it comes easier, but he just doesn’t want to lose someone else he loves of his own doing.

dazai ; I will admit he’s a little hard to grasp for me, but I believe that elusiveness is a part of his character anyways lol. Nothing about how he perceives you changes. You’re still you, aren’t you? Doesn’t matter what gender you are, what name you go by, what appearance you have. Maybe his nickname for you will change, but that’s it. I feel like with him you may not even be aware of your gender/it’s impact, bc when you’re with him it doesn’t matter, so you feel light and free from having to think about/act like your identity. You’re just you.

jean ; I think he would be open-minded to it, albeit confused. If you took the time to explain to him what you identify as and what it means, he’ll accept it, not one for many questions. I personally believe he’d be awkward about it a bit?? But would never treat you wrong! I mean in the sense of those clumsy lgbtq+ supporters with the right attitude, if that makes sense lol? So unsurely asking if you’d like to spar...? Or constantly looking to you for confirmation on things you like, what you do, etc etc. Ik jean is supposed to be silent and intimidating, but I imagine him as a clumsy man whose seen too much and doesn’t know how to act bc he was robbed of a childhood, so yeah hopefully this makes sense!

comte ; he’s seen even more than leonardo bc he’s immortal and timetravels; it doesn’t phase him. Tbh he just beckons you to come shopping with him so he can find you the latest male/androgynous fashion, with charming suits and coats and hats. For binding, he’ll try his best to buy you a safe kind, or he may enlist Leonardo’s help or even go to the future to find you one—nothing is too much/expensive when it comes to you. Will always treat you right/like royalty, and remind you that you’re valid and anything you need to feel that way, he will make it so. Gets a v dangerous look in his eye if someone disrespects you.

sebastian ; he’s from the future, so nothing new. Honestly he may even be relieved?? Idk he’s just so formal and polite that I think he’d feel more relaxed with another masculine/non-binary individual from the future, bc he would be able to talk in a certain way he would feel wasn’t as “proper” with a woman, if I’m making sense? He’d have no problem refering to you as your identity, and will always find a way to make you feel comfortable/valid, even if he needs to try and sew his own version of a binder for you.

shakespeare ; okay I’m sorry for those who like shakespeare but I feel like he’d lowkey fetishize it oof. Just like how I think he’d use unrequited love of a lesbian!mc to fuel his plays, he’d think of you as interesting inspiration—at first, at least. He’d run his hand through your hair, down your lapels as he admires you, amused, and it’s only if you grew cross and forced him to see you as your identity/a person, that he may fix his unhealthy perception. After reading Vincent’s route, I’ve come to think that you really need to push against him to reach his actual feelings/past his unstable/dangerous side. Once he’s over that, he would love to cast you as male roles in his plays, bc you have even more conviction than the regular men tbh.

[levisnackajack]

The Wrath of War

Chapter Seven

Sweat beads slipped down her spine as she crouched over; palms pressed against her kneecaps. 

Her chest was rising and falling rapidly, nerves wrecking her brain. 

Levi stood beside her stationary, eyes planted on the top of her head. 

They had been training together the entire afternoon, clashing together as Levi beat the shit out of her. 

The only good thing that came out of her bruises and cuts was the fact that she learned a thing or two from his instructions. 

“Take a break, clean yourself up and report back to my office for cleaning duty,” Levi finally broke up the tumultuous silence, taking a final glance down at the fatigued girl before striding off. 

She glared at the back of his head, mimicking his words under her breath as he retreated. 

The Captain whipped his head back to glare at Eden and she could swear her life flashed before her eyes as they widened comically. 

“What was that, brat?” He seethed, turning his body back to face her threateningly. 

“Nothing...sir...I was just...repeating your instructions back to myself in case I...forgot...” she lied through her teeth; knowing very well by the stone look on his face that he didn’t buy her story. 

Regardless, he chose not to waste anymore time with her as he marched away, knuckles clenching. 

Eden waited until he had disappeared before beginning to walk back to the castle. She was so preoccupied on her training session with Levi, she didn’t take the chance to appreciate the beautiful scenery surrounding her. 

The field was large and green, the smell of dirt and grass overwhelming her scenes. It had rained during the night and so the aroma was still fresh and delicious. 

She picked a couple of chamomile flowers on her way back.

She pulled her hair out of the tight bun, massaging her fingers over her strained scalp. The girl thought back to Levi’s careful words, useful training tips and the way he so carelessly brought her down as though she had been a ragdoll in his hands. 

Scoffing, Eden walked through the grand entrance, making sure to take her boots off before hurrying up the stairs. 

The freezing water felt good against her aching muscles. 

Eden found the long, plain skirt that fell to her ankles and a tight shirt that Petra had left for her. She decided to leave her hair down, allowing her damp curls time to dry off without the tight grasp of her hair tie. 

She clicked her tongue irritably, closing the door behind her as she walked towards Petra’s room. 

“What’s up?” The older woman chirped after letting Eden in; setting the book she was reading onto the mattress.  

“Well, I didn’t want to risk walking into Oluo or someone else’s room, so I decided to come and ask you where Captain Levi’s office is,” Eden began, clasping her hands behind her back awkwardly. 

Petra nodded slowly, eyes trained on the cadet quizzically. 

“He told me to get changed and report back to his office for cleaning duties...and yeah...” 

Petra sighed, letting out a chortle under her breath. “He really is making sure to leave a good first impression as your superior. He’s just a man with very high expectations...-” 

“Yeah, but I feel like he despises me. Every time he looks at me, I can feel the hatred. I don’t know if I’m overthinking or something, but I literally feel like I can’t do anything right,” Eden seethed, sitting down beside Petra, placing her palms on her temple. 

“I told you, it’s just the way he is. We’re at war, Eden. We’ve seen fellow comrades fall left and right. Naturally, he’ll be harsh on you. But don’t assume that his strictness implies you’re not good. In fact...I overheard him talking with Hange today and he seemed pleased with you. Said there obviously needs some work to be done but other than that, he actually complimented you to Hange! Take that as a win,” Petra smiled gently, reaching to squeeze Eden’s shoulder. 

The Captain had been impressed with her skills? Perhaps all this wouldn’t be for nothing. The feeling of victory blocked her trail of thought as she sat there grinning back at Petra. 

They chatted for a little while, until Eden’s face writhed with fear. 

“Shit. I told you, I was supposed to meet with the Captain right after training.”

Petra’s eyes widened in realization, grabbing her hand and leading her to the bedroom’s exit. 

“I’d tell you not to worry, but Captain Levi absolutely hates slacking.” Ushering her out quickly, she told her exactly where to find his office. 

With a tight nod and a soft ‘thank you’ response to Petra’s ‘good luck’; Eden walked through the castle with trembling hands and a rapidly beating heart. 

She stood before his door, knocking gently as she awaited his affirmative response.

“Come in.”

She pushed the door with her forearm; eyes immediately taking in the details of his office. 

First of all, it was immaculately clean. The bookshelf stood tall, gleaming down at Eden as she saluted Levi before closing the door behind her. His desk was spotless, large stacks of paperwork layered one of top of the other in the most perfect way. 

Eden bit her lip as she edged closer to the man behind the desk. 

He didn’t bother looking up to see who had come in. Perhaps, she was the only person he had been expecting that afternoon. Once she planted her body in front of his desk; he looked up from the paperwork in his hands- tired eyes taking in her informal attire. 

“You’re late,” he said in irritated tone, noticing Eden’s trembling knuckles.

“I’m sorry, Captain. I have no valid excuse. I went to ask Petra for instructions...-”

“Spare me the lecture, brat. You have twenty minutes to mop this hallway spotless. You actually had more time, but since you came late, I’m assuming you’re confident that you’ll be able to clean every bit of surface for less time?” Levi challenged her, brow raising slightly as he tipped his chin upwards. 

Eden looked down at him, her mind plagued with possible comebacks that would earn her a not-so pleasant reaction from him. 

“Yes, Captain.” She nodded at him, picking her skirt as she walked back out of his spotless room. She heard his chair reclined as she assumed he had leaned back into it and her muscles ached for the same. 

Eden was done cleaning in fifteen minutes. 

By the way Levi glared at her in distaste; she could tell he probably thought the young cadet was joking. Eden laughed nervously. 

“I’m serious. You can come take a look if you like.” 

“Of course, I will,” he snapped, brushing past her; the scent of tea leaves and mellow cologne overcoming her senses. She shuffled after him with her head down, her body colliding with his as Levi abruptly stopped in the hallway. 

Her cheeks heated up as she stepped away, her fingers still feeling the solidness of his biceps of when she accidentally gripped him upon collision. 

Levi turned to her, his lips pressed into a thin line as she uttered her apologies. 

He slowly walked along the corridor, fingers gliding under the window pane as he reached the end of the hallway. 

Turning back to her, he held her expectant gaze before blessing her with a stiff nod. 

“Finally you did something right. You’re free to go,” Levi said as he walked past her, shoulder brushing Eden’s one; her muscles crying in pain. 

“Thank you, Captain.” Eden quickly stalked off before Levi changed his mind.

She spent the rest of the evening with Petra, pealing vegetables and helping her cook the soup. It was quiet and the somber clouds that darkened as the sun waved goodbye wept across the fields.

Eren stalked into the kitchen, eyes drooping as he asked whether they were in need of any help. 

“No, but you can stay for the company,” Eden offered, pulling the younger boy into a tight embrace. He returned it with the same amount of force before leaning against the counter and answering all of Eden’s questions regarding Hange’s research. He referred back to Hange’s hypothesis regarding his failed Titan-transforming attempts; causing them to think that Eren could only transform when his mind was set on a clear objective; not because he was instructed to change.

She listened intently, heart sinking at the way he explained how Oluo, Eld, Gunther and Petra had pulled out their blade when he accidentally transformed by the touch of his teaspoon. 

Petra laughed softly, eyes shifting to the ground. “Sorry about that. We’re just not used to acting casually around titans.” 

“Of course, I completely understand. I just need to get to the bottom of this before I lose my mind,” Eren replied tiredly, rubbing his face lazily. 

The brought the food to the dining hall, where the rest of the team was already waiting. Minus the Captain. 

“I’ll go bring the plates. Do you mind letting Captain Levi know that dinner is ready?” Petra asked in a low voice, earning a sigh from Eden. 

“Sure, no worries,” she answered, eyes twinkling at Eren who sent her a sympathetic glance.

Eden walked through the cold estate, the thunderous rain smashing against the walls, wind howling. 

She knocked on his door, entering only after his exhausted voice echoed past the wood. 

“Captain, the food is ready, if you’re hungry,” the girl said in a soft voice. Once again, he looked up from his paperwork a moment too late; brows furrowing together as his silver eyes reflected the moonlight seeping through the window. 

“Alright, good to know.” 

Eden kept his stare for a second longer before he called after her, referring to her surname for the first time since she got there.

“I expect you to process everything I’ve taught you today before tomorrow’s training session. The upcoming 57th Exterior mission requires the best out of you. There’s no room for failure,” he said in a low voice, his calculating eyes measuring the girl before him. 

She nodded hesitantly, bowing her head formally before walking out of the office.

“I will not fail you, Captain.” 

Come morning, her muscles were in excruciating pain, the shades of her bruises a vast juxtaposition against her porcelain skin. 

She met with her Captain on the training grounds right after breakfast and she couldn’t help but notice how exhausted his eyes were, the shadows under his hooded eyes dark and sunken.

That didn’t seem to affect his fighting skills, as he dropped her to the ground again and again. 

“You’re not giving it your all,” he growled, pinching the bridge of his nose in disappointment. Eden let go of the breath she was holding onto in frustration. 

He commanded her back into the first fighting position before aiming for the left side of her face with a stone fist. She ducked, her own right fist catching the Captain in the jaw for the first time ever. 

She gasped, slapping her hand over her mouth as his head snapped to the side. 

“Oh, my God, Captain, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean...-”

“Shut the hell up, brat. Isn’t that the whole point of the training?” He huffed, recoiling quicker than Eden could blink; grabbing a fistful of her now wild hair as he pulled her face inches closer to his. 

“This is all pointless if you’re too scared to throw in a real punch. I’m just wasting my time here.” He shoved her onto the ground as he spoke before running his fingers to fix his t-shirt. 

Eden let go of any anxiety that held onto her as she kicked Levi’s feet from under him. He toppled to the ground only because he had assumed she was giving up. 

She moved over towards him, fist aiming for his face. He let out a low grunt, grabbing her wrist and thrusting her off of him. But she held onto his hand, growling as she pushed closer to the Captain, her temple colliding with the same spot she had previously hit. 

He slapped her across the face with such shrill force, her neck cracked to the side. Blood poured over her lips and trickling down her chin from the way his fingers caught her nose. 

Eden spat the bloodied saliva onto the ground, jaw clenching, teeth gritting as she punched her fist into his abdomen. He let out a huff, his fingers slipping between her raven locks once more. 

Levi picked her up by her hair, barely moved by her thrashing. “Better. I’d be feeling sorry about your own looks if I were you. You cannot beat me.” 

His fingers relaxed, her locks stroking his palms as she dropped to the ground, spitting another round of bloodied saliva. He grimaced, pulling a soft, pearl-white handkerchief out of his pocket before handing it to her. 

Eden stared up at him with carnal eyes, blood pounding in her ears as she wiped her nose. 

Before she could acknowledge his movements, he had picked her up from under her arms, letting her balance on her own two feet. 

“You need to learn when spilling blood is necessary, brat. In this world, there is no place for throwing sympathy at your opponents,” Levi said in a chipped tone as he looked down at his new cadet. 

“It’s different when I’m expected to fight my superiors,” she grumbled, pushing the hair that had stuck to her bloodied skin off of her face. 

He raised a brow. She assumed he was humored by her response. 

“Then maybe I should be harder on you. Perhaps that’s what you need in order to follow orders respectively,” Levi shot back, eyes narrowing. 

“Then maybe you should, sir,” Eden challenged him, the corner of her lips twitching in antipathy. 

He clicked his tongue, snatching the handkerchief out of her fingers in disgust. 

“We’ll see how assertive you’ll continue being after we’ve left the safety of these walls,” he assured in a dangerously calm voice before grabbing her by the chin. 

She winced, hands immediately gripping onto his forearm as she tried pulling away. Alas, she couldn’t budge. 

Levi eyed her nose, tilting her head to the side as he let out of soft “tch”. 

“Not broken. You’ll live.” He instantaneously loosened his grip on Eden’s jaw, eyes shifting back to the castle. 

“You’re free to go. Remember what I said to you.” 

By the time she had slipped open her eyes; he was gone. His words echoed through her mind as she touched her nose. Although the Captain had just told her that there was no place for feeling sorry for her opponent, Eden felt a wave of guilt wash over her as she thought back to the timid, blue discoloration on the line of his jaw. She had punched him on the same spot twice and he had just lectured her about how stupid she was being for apologizing to him.

The days that followed kept to the same routine; minus the cleaning punishment.

She helped Petra cook quietly, her mind thinking back to the sparring session. 

“I can’t believe you caught him in the jaw. Not that he probably felt it, but the fact that you managed to do that...wow,” Petra said as she slapped Eden on the back. Eden shook her head in response. 

“Stop it. It was such a big surprise, but I won’t lie, it feels good knowing I punched him...just a little bit,” she smirked as both women let out soft laughs. 

Eden couldn’t sleep that night. She whipped from side to side, her wall clock indicating it was well after two in the morning. 

She decided to go for a stroll around the castle in peace. Given the fact that it was pouring outside once again, she was confined to linger within the barricades of the castle’s walls. 

Eden was dressed in shorts that lay concealed under her oversized pajama shirt. Her curls rested against her shoulders- she hated the feeling of her hair tied up when she was sleeping. 

She lingered through the hallways, goosebumps sprinkled against her skin. Darkness rested around her, the sound of wind and rain knocking against the stones the only sound surrounding her. 

She walked down the hallway, rolling her eyes at the sound of Oluo’s incoherent snoring. 

Walking along the second floor, she peered through the black corridor camouflaging the Captain’s office. Eden halted in her tracks, honey-green eyes concentrating on the dim light peaking from under his door. 

The girl rubbed her eyes, thinking it was her mind playing tricks. But the light was still there when she centered her attention back onto the floor. 

She stood in the cold hallway, hesitating at what her next move should be. 

She chose stepping backwards, trotting down the staircase rapidly, her mind set on the kitchen as the final destination.

She stood in the cold hallway, hesitating at what her next move should be. 

She chose stepping backwards, trotting down the staircase rapidly, her mind set on the kitchen as the final destination.

Pulling the dried chamomile leaves out of her short’s pocket, she began boiling the water, gently stirring everything together and pouring it into a small teacup. Eden made her way back towards the dreadful dark hallway with the light peaking through the crack under the door. 

She tapped her trembling knuckles against the hard wood, standing there in silence until she heard Levi’s voice.

The Captain’s eyes widened slightly; - the yearning of sleep extremely visible as he sat over his desk. The dark circles under his eyes were far more proclaimed than before; it almost made Eden want to ask him when was the last time he had a good night’s sleep.

“Did you forget your pants somewhere?” He inquired, eyes dragging over Eden’s bare legs as his brow raised. Her cheeks bruised with a faint blush but luckily, the light was faint.

“I made you some chamomile tea,” she began, sauntering over, gently placing the teacup before his hands. Levi stared at the teacup in wonder before moving back to the nervous girl before him.

He gazed at her expectantly, mumbling a token of appreciation before lifting the teacup to his lips. 

“I just wanted to apologize for hurting you, Captain,” Eden began, eyes fixed on the light bruising against his jawline. 

Levi shook his head, exhausted eyes meeting tired ones as he held onto the warmth of the cup. “I told you, stop apologizing for things you’re meant to do. That’s why people think you’re fragile.”

Eden sighed heavily, running a hand through her hair as she tensely looked away. “I understand, but it’s hard not to apologize when all I’ve been doing is looking out after everyone- including myself- my whole life. I just- I feel this weight of responsibility holding onto me for everything that goes wrong.” Levi pursed his lips, the shadow of an urge for her to continue masked behind a stiff nod.

“I never want to let the people I care about down and I guess I just feel inclined to always apologize because I feel like it’s my fault when things do go to hell.”

Eden finally met Levi’s levelled stare, only to feel a wave of surprise gush through her as she saw how his eyes had softened. Perhaps, it was the first time she had seen that hard, dull stare disappear and be replaced with a more gentle one. 

“If you’re still worried about Eren; he’ll be okay. And that’s the thing about people like us- we carry the heavy burden just so no one else has to.” 

He leaned back into his chair, pinching the bridge of his nose before sighing under his breath, “You think I don’t worry about everyone every single day? My job has made me very familiar with loss and sometimes, there’s nothing else to do but accept that you’re on the losing side. I can’t lie to you and sit here preaching how it gets easier with time. The faster you accept loss as part of your life; the better it will be for you. I too- feel like I let my people down if things don’t go accordingly.” 

Eden listened intently as Levi shared with her the secret to acceptance. Her fingers were shaking as sadness raked through her body. 

“I can’t imagine what that must feel,” she said quietly, lips stitching together as she carefully thought out her next words. “Even through all of the darkness and death, you still manage to lead us and have everyone put all of their faith into you. I know I have many qualities I need to work on; but knowing that I have a team that has once been where I stand now makes it just a bit easier. I know you need to be harsh with me so I can learn and I can vouch that as hardheaded as I am; I am always ready to lay my own life down to save anyone’s on this squad.”

Levi nodded once more, gray eyes searching Eden’s face intently. There was something about his gaze that made Eden’s heart break; his eyes held so much trauma and tragedy, it had become part of his daily expressions. 

There was an awkward pause that mixed with the tension between the two individuals as neither of them backed down from the staring competition. 

Until Levi glanced at his clock before standing up to make his way around the front of his desk, leaning against the wood. “It’s very late. Go to sleep. If you don’t wake up on time, just know I’ve assigned you to cleaning stable duties.” 

Eden let out a breathy laugh, turning to slowly make her way to the door. She paused, heart sinking as her eyes fixed on a line of dust resting between the key and the keyhole of his door. She glanced at Levi with wide eyes, gliding a finger across the fragments. 

“It seems like you’ve missed a spot, Captain,” Eden whispered, lifting her finger towards Levi- who’s eye twitched. Eden cocked her head ever so slightly, biting on her bottom lip as she lowered her hand down. 

“I apologies if I’m overstepping, but someone mentioned your strictness to tidiness comes from your childhood. May I ask why?” 

Immediately, Levi’s hooded eyes harden to stone; his brows scrunching in annoyance; jaw clenching tightly. Eden mentally swore, hating herself for completely disregarding the fact that his childhood could have been a touchy subject. 

“Get out,” Levi voiced in an incredibly icy tone, hands pushing his body off of the desk as he made his way to Eden. She backed up, tears pooling in her eyes as she lowered her head. 

“I’m sorry,” She managed to voice before having the door slammed in her face. 

It didn’t take long for her to reach her own room, closing the door shut with her back before sinking against the wooden surface until she had reached the freezing floor. She shook uncontrollably, her thick sobs stranded at the back of her throat as she placed her head in her hands. 

Eden never wanted for this to happen. She merely wanted to make him a cup of tea out of sympathy. Instead, she left his office an absolute mess; leaving behind a vulnerable part of her past with him. 

She wanted to kick herself for pushing him too hard, the tenderness of her heart completely disregarding the fact that perhaps Captain Levi did not want her help. 

That night, Eden fell asleep against the door with cheeks scarred by undisciplined tears; her hand pressed against her chest.

Link to the story in AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28919136/chapters/70952145

[the-scottish-costume-guy]

JK Rowling, transphobia and a hopefully helpful post.

A few days ago I posted on my Facebook (yes I have one sue me) debunking some of the things Rowling has been saying on twitter. Since she made a statement I felt the need to make another one... but this time Im sharing it here. Please note this is long, it is fairly opinionated in places but her statements have felt so insidious I want to share something in depth. If you are cis I implore you to read, but I understand this is long and a lot of people wont want to. No judgement. 

Jk Rowling’s latest statement is a mess of valid concerns and fear mongering. At this point there can be no claim she doesn’t know what shes talking about - she herself has said shes been researching this for years. She throws in token acknowledgements to “real” trans people while framing the rest of her statements as concern for confused teens.So first things first - and something that might not be popular with some of my trans friends. I agree that teenagers should not be able to medically transition. It is a choice that should be made when the brain is fully mature. Hormone blockers are something I trust - and that are reversible. I have seen enough detransitioned people hurting to feel like we do need to be careful - especially with children who are trying to find themselves. I dont know about other people but during my teens I was coming to the crushing realisation that I wasn’t special. I was learning that no matter how well I painted someone else did it better, no matter how badly I hurt someone had it worse - I was learning about the wonderful mediocrity of life, and having anything that made me stand out gave a brief reprieve from learning to be okay with all these things. For me to be fair it was dying my hair outrageous colours and dressing in black leather during 30 degree summer heat - but its still something we cant forget. I KNOW a lot of kids claiming to be trans are - and I dont want to keep that from them, however I dont want to cause harm to the kids that are wrong. Continuing on, I’d like to address her comments about TERFS. Terfs are Self Described Trans-exclusionary-radical-feminists and the term does get thrown around a little too liberally at times. Terf is not and never will be a slur. No more than “White” is. It is about a group of people who have taken it open themselves to segregate another group - and calling that what it is, is not a crime. The reason Terf and transphobe have become synonomic is because the ‘radical feminists’ that subscribe to this have lost focus on nearly all other issues of feminism and sit squarely on “dropping the T” from the lgbt community and “keeping men out of womens bathrooms.” Terfs are overwhelmingly women - this is sadly simply a fact. Terfs are reviled because of how much it feels like a betrayal to the community. A group that fights for rights - except ours. A group that wants equality - except for us. Its different to the conservatives who hate us all equally - with Terfs we are singled out. Terfs are not, as Rowling claims, inclusionary to Trans-men. I’ve been met with a combination of pity, loathing, mockery and revulsion by people within this group. I’ve been told that I shouldn’t let homophobia push me into transitioning - only for all correspondence to abruptly drop when I mention Im marrying another man. I’ve been told my old body was beautiful - only for stunned silence when I agree. I was beautiful - I was curvy, I was a dancer and had a body to match - but I wasn’t Me. When their usual arguments against me fail - I’m met with hate. Im called anti-woman, traitor, homophobic. I even have some such comments saved on my blog. I have yet to meet a Terf who was pro-trans-man. Rowling claims that had she had the ability, as a confused teen, she may have sought to transition. I hate to tell her but she did have the ability and trans people didn’t pop into existence in the twenty-first century. I’m actually looking to do my dissertation topic in my final year on lgbt presentation throughout history - and in my overeager way I’ve already started researching. James Barry has been becoming a common name for years - a transgender surgeon who died in 1865. If Barry was able to at least socially transition from 1790 to 1860, I am fairly sure Rowling could have in 1980 - over a century later. Rowling also claims that groups of friends in schools all suddenly identify as trans at the same time. Speaking from my school experience - the queer kids group together. We seek out others like us, and we take strength from each others bravery to come out - often around the same time. We almost get a rush of resolve when one of our group musters the courage and strength, and some of us use that rush to bite the bullet ourselves. Its one of the beautiful ways the lgbt community is here for one another - and the influx of people identifying as trans is partially a factor of more people knowing the name of their feelings. Survivor bias will ignore the trans people through history without the knowledge or means to transition - and will claim they were never trans at all. Her initial statements about charities worry me in particular. As I said last time - we know sex is real, we just dont really like to be defined by it. She is worried that we’re going to “rebrand medicine” and ignores that medications for years have had warnings in their leaflets about “If you are or become pregnant” regardless of if the person receiving it has a dick or a vagina. We dont advocate for ignoring the differences in how people respond to heart attacks - and I for one would like research to be done on how hormones effect that. I dont actually know if I would respond more like a cis gender woman or a cis gender man if I were to have a heart attack or a stroke. But where possible we do want to change the language around some of these things. I have had a double mastectomy, but some Cis-men have these as well. This is not a gendered term. Why should a period be called anything else? Why call it a “womens problem.” I and Im sure many other trans people, support the research into how different medical and mental issues affect different sexes. I just think that should be extended further - and we know it should, as some medical issues affect people of different ethnicities in different ways and we don’t know how. I am truly sorry that Rowling has experienced abuse and assault of any nature. I am truly sorry that she has felt unsafe. But her feelings do not invalidate others experiences. Of the trans people I know, a saddening number have been assaulted, have been abused and in particular have experienced these things domestically. There is much work to be done on this in the UK. There are nearly no mens shelters for sufferers of violence to my knowledge. I, a trans man who have experienced some of these things in my teen years, would Not want to be around cisgender women even if I could be. A cis woman was responsible for much of the pain I personally suffered - and in fact one of the acts of violence she carried out against me was directly after I came out as trans to her. Trans women, even if they could go to male shelters, should not have to be surrounded by a group that put them in danger - in a place that is detrimental to them physically and mentally and is frankly degrading. The belief that allowing trans women into shelters for those escaping abuse is dangerous is sad. To be so afraid is deserving of pity. To let fear blind you to the suffering of others - to think its better that a trans woman face homelessness or a return to an abusive household because you personally would sleep better at night is the kind of passive evil we should be aware of in this day and age. It comes from choosing to see the word “trans” before “person.” Its from choosing to see a persons genitals before their humanity. Trans people are not dangerous - and cause no greater risk than any other demographic.  Her claims that she can empathise with this fear are empty. A gender recognition certificate is not a ticket into womens bathrooms. Funnily enough you dont actually require a piece of paper to go almost anywhere. I do not have a gender recognition certificate and use male bathrooms, can enter male spaces as I please. All a gender recognition certificate does is change the letter on your birth certificate. It doesn’t even affect other forms of identification - my passport, my student id, my drivers license all already say male. I am not sure why so many people have chosen this as their hill to die on because its the least relevant thing to them on the planet. How often have any of you seen another persons birth certificate? Rowling says she and other ‘gender critical’ (a terf dogwhistle) people are concerned for trans youth. Well… she can take her condescending concern and direct it to matters that are relevant to her. Trans people want to be left alone. Its a simple request, and yet people endlessly seem to trip over the dirt level bar.

[soukokuwu]

FYODOR DOSTOEVSKY

THE LITTLE THINGS

》 look! no trigger warnings because FLUFF ♡

》 fyodor x reader

》 word count: 1.9k

》 thanks anon for the request, i tried my best with this fluff and i hope you like this (〃ω〃) i had to google the russian words i hope i got em right..

“no other dream would be better”

“I knew you’d miss me but I didn’t think you’d miss me that much.”

Gasping, you leaped up from your position on the couch where you had been replaying the old videos you took on your dates. You scrambled to turn the television off, and stood rooted where you were, flustered, your right leg brushing the back of your left sheepishly.

“Fyodor! Wh- when did you get back?”

The man gave you a once-over, amused by how adorable you were being. The watching of the nauseating videos aside, there were other signs that showed you missed him. You were wearing his casual shirt as an oversized dress, your hair pulled up into a messy bun with a pen that he gifted to you, and you had been cuddling with a bear that he won for you. It practically screamed ‘Fyodor’, head to toe. Like a little fangirl.

How cute. How interesting.

You were still as pure and predictable as you were when the two of you first met. Despite being with a man such as he, you were still the same annoyingly helpful and caring being you were. You never let other people’s evil deeds toward you change your view of the world. You wanted to do whatever you could to contribute to the good, ideal world you sought. The two of you didn’t talk much about that, but Fyodor knew enough to respect your outlook on it.

“Is that all you have to say after not seeing me for a month, lyubov moya (my love)?”

Pushing your embarrassment aside, you grinned up at your boyfriend and ran across the room into his arms. You breathed him in, only realising now just how much you truly missed him. You hugged him tighter, afraid that if you didn’t he’d slip out of your reach again. He was really back, and you couldn’t be happier.

You knew how dangerous it was every time he went off on one of his ‘missions’. Depending on who he would have to face, it could very well escalate into a life-or-death situation. You had spoken about your reservations to him before, but he simply asked you to trust in him and his ability. Needless to say, he was baffled you’d think anyone could actually kill him. He saw himself as practically a god. Given that you were someone whose opinion meant the world to him, he was very offended that you could even think that. That conversation ended with the two of you compromising, where he would update you at least once every one or two days, and in turn you would try to stop overthinking things.

Now that he was back, you felt the weight lift off of your shoulders. He’s safe, he’s really safe. His arms made his way around your waist, accepting you in a tight embrace. You felt as though your heart could burst at any moment. It has been way too long since you’ve last felt your lover’s touch.

Fyodor’s cold, thin fingers made his way up to your chin, tilting your face upwards to press his lips against yours. Your hands were wrapping themselves around his neck when you felt something on your head.

Your eyes shot open, and you saw Fyodor flashing you a smirk. Your hands traveled up to your head, and you felt the familiar feel of fur.

“Is this-?”

“Your own Ushanka, milaya (darling).”

He noticed your eyes glimmer with appreciation as you fixed the position of the hat. Fyodor chuckled silently as he watched you with curious eyes. He had seen you don his ushanka before he left for his mission, and while he pretended he didn’t catch you doing that, he couldn’t quite forget how beautiful he thought you looked wearing it. The image of you was burned into his mind, and he couldn’t forget it even when he was busy carrying out his plans. That was when he made a mental note to get you one for yourself.

“Thank you,” you gushed, face red as a cherry as you beamed up at him. You then stood on your tiptoes to give him a quick peck on the cheek. But as your lips brushed his face, alarms set off in your head. “Are you running a fever?”

Oh no.

- - ┈┈∘┈˃��༒˂̶┈∘┈┈ - -

At the dining table, Fyodor propped his head up against his fist as he finished up the last of the grilled chicken breast you had cooked for him. You were washing the pan at the sink, still going off on how he should take more care of himself while he was away.

The past ten minutes had been filled with you nagging him on his almost non-existent eating habits, as well as his horrible sleep schedule, insisting that he had to be more careful due to his anemia. There was a time when Fyodor found this terribly exhausting, but as time passed, he saw past the lectures and realised it was your way of saying you loved him. So this time, he took it all in, basking in the idea that he was the only one to receive all your affection.

“Here,” you prodded at him, gesturing to the cough syrup you had placed in front of him.

All the pleasant thoughts in his head earlier vanished and turned into dread. Not that. He had had to drink that the last time he fell sick, and it was foul. It worked wonders, but it was horrible. Fyodor didn’t know what came over him, he became so openly clingy with you the moment it was in his system. It was like barf in a bottle.

“Try to hide the disdain from your face, will you?” you asked of him, twisting the bottle cap open.

“You know,” Fyodor began, leaning forward to cup your face in his hands. “I don’t know how much of my luck was used up in meeting you. I love you.” His purple eyes were locked straight into yours, entrancing you. His smile was different than usual, this one was mind-numbingly sweet.

Just as he leaned in to kiss you, you put your index finger up to his lips. Fyodor gave a slight frown as he looked at your unamused expression. Damn.

“Nice try,” you said, rolling your eyes. “You need to stop saying that every time you want to get out of something.”

A spoonful of medicine and a change of clothes later, Fyodor sighed. He lost that one. Noticing your smug smile as you took a seat beside him on the couch, he flicked you on the forehead.

“Plokhaya devochka (bad girl).”

You furrowed your brows as you rubbed your forehead. “What does that mean?”

“Se-cr-et.”

There was your signature pout, right on cue.

Fyodor absolutely loved it when you got confused over the Russian terms he used. You were already stunningly beautiful yourself, even with a stoic expression you were positively captivating. Pair your natural beauty with that adorably puzzled expression and you looked even more exquisite than usual.

He found himself smiling as he thought of that, aware that the medicine was getting to his head, starting to take effect. Maybe allowing you to see this side of him once in a while wouldn’t be too bad. Giving in to the drowsiness, he slowly laid his head down on your lap, choosing to gaze up at you from below. “I did mean it, you know.”

“What?”

“What I said before you force-fed me that spoonful of vile potion.”

You chuckled at his exaggeration. Smiling down at him, you pulled apart the hair covering his face. “I love you too, Fyo,” you whispered, noticing that his eyes were gradually getting droopier.

You sang softly along to the song playing on the television, lulling your exhausted lover to sleep who was mumbling, “Your voice is so... angelic.”

It was quite a rare sight to see the usually calm and confident demeanor of his fade into something sweet. Only in sickness would this behaviour appear, and you felt so bittersweet about it. You wished he would show it more often, but you knew that was not the kind of person he was. And you still accepted and loved him for it, all the same.

- - ┈┈∘┈˃̶༒˂̶┈∘┈┈ - -

Fyodor awoke in the middle of the night. He opened his eyes only to find that your eyes had been replaced by the plain ceiling staring back at him. A blanket was draped around him, and your lap had been replaced by a mere pillow.

Not good enough.

Slowly, he sat up, the medicine still causing a little giddiness. As he looked around, he spotted you just inches away from him, engrossed in your work. You were busy sketching away on your notepad, with only the faint light of your phone as a source of illumination.

His heart warmed, and he wasn’t sure whether it was an effect of the medicine or the fact that you were being so considerate of him. But the moment he saw what you were sketching, it felt even warmer. A realisation dawned upon him. You were always putting your own needs aside for him, regardless of the situation, big or small. You always thought of him, even if you didn’t get anything back for it. You deserved more, and he wanted to give it to you. He waited for you to finish your sketch before getting down and nestling up to you, wrapping his lithe arms around your body and resting his head in the crook of your neck.

“Fyodor?” you exclaimed, surprised that you didn’t notice him get up.

“You should frame that up, it looks amazing.”

He was referring to the sketch you did of the two of you reuniting in a hug. You felt proud of the validation he gave you, glad that he liked it enough to want it hung up in the apartment.

“Wow, Fyo, you can be such a softy sometimes, you know that?” you teased. 

You had expected him to give you some sort of witty or unsatisfied reply, but you didn’t see this one coming.

“I know I can be difficult,” he murmurs in your ear, voice still thick with sleepiness, “But if you can help it, please don’t leave my side.”

A part of you was squealing with delight at his sudden confession, another part feeling worried why he was saying such things with no warning. Usually he’d never let words that heavy with affection slip from his mouth. What was it that led him to say such things?

But there was another part of you, an overwhelmingly large part, that felt more love for him than you ever had before. Yes, it was tasking being with a man like Fyodor. Not just because he was so sharp and smart, not only because you felt he deserved someone much better than you in every way, be it looks or status, but because you thought that much of him. There were instances he referred to himself as a god, and you never questioned him. You only questioned your ability to keep up with such an astounding man. But maybe this was his way of assuring you. With the little things. And it may not be conventional and he may not ever be straight with his words, but what does it matter when you understood his love language? You rested your head on his, wondering if you could feel even more bliss than you did right now.

“I’ll be with you,” you assured him, returning the hug, “Every mission, every milestone, I’ll be there.”

“Forever?”

“Forever.”

“love, and then love more”

[writeanapocalae]

A Guide for Writing Trans People

Written by a Trans Man. 

I’ve seen a lot of different posts on how to write trans characters (absolutely none on how to write cis characters and I am so lost on how to do that oh my goodness) but maybe I’ve got a different perspective and maybe I’ve got something you haven’t heard before. Let’s go! 

Terminology

There are a lot of different genders out there, not just male and female. Some people think Trans men and women are some outside of the binary extra gender, which is very much not true. While many trans people do fall outside the binary, there are a lot who are strictly male or female. Therefore their genders are male and female. The trans part is not part of the word, it is a definer to state that the person is transitioning, that is all. So when you write trans man or trans woman the words are separate, not transman or transwoman. 

A trans man is someone who is transitioning his appearance for society to view him as male. 

A trans woman is someone who is transitioning her appearance for society to view her as female. 

The reason I am wording it this way is because they were already their genders. They have always been their genders. Transitioning is greatly influenced by the way we are treated by society, the same way that beauty standards influence people to contour and get surgeries and whatnot. 

Demi means mostly in terms of gender so a demi boy is someone who is male most of the time and a demi girl is someone who is female most of the time. 

Agender is someone who has no gender

Genderfluid is someone who shifts from gender to gender

Genderqueer is someone who’s gender is nondefined by other terms

Two Spirit is a third gender that encapsulates masculinity and femininity (according to Wikipedia) that is only used by Native Americans 

Third Gender is a gender that can encapsulate or be a completely different solid gender like male or female

Nonbinary is someone who is somewhere on the spectrum between genders and their gender is defined by them 

Pangender is someone who has all genders

Androgyny is not something that actually relates to gender as much as it does presentation. Presentation does not inherently tell you someone’s gender. Being androgynous just means that someone fits right in the middle of societies expectations of male and female and their AGAB cannot be guessed by onlookers. 

AGAB AFAB and AMAB mean Assigned Gender At Birth, Assigned Female At Birth, and Assigned Male At Birth. At birth someone will often assign a gender to a baby based on their genitals and parents tend to show off what sort of genitals their baby has with accessories and colors. Pretty creepy if you ask me. 

FTM and MTF has been deemed problematic but many still use them. They mean Female to Male and Male to Female. The terminology states that the person’s AGAB is their initial gender and they are becoming the opposite when, as stated before, it’s more that they were always their gender and now society has to catch up. 

Gender Nonconformity can be practiced by anyone regardless of gender. It just means that they do things that aren’t expected of someone of their gender like men wearing skirts (for some reason?) or women growing beards or a nonbinary person not being androgynous (for some reason that’s become an expectation)

Intersex is not a part of the trans umbrella, even though it is often lumped in and people who are intersex can also be trans. It is a sex (different from gender) in which different parts of genitals and chromosomes and hormones are produced in a way that deviates from the norm. Many intersex people undergo genital reconstruction or reduction surgery when they are infants (and can’t consent) in order to fit the mold better. Intersex people can be cis. 

Cis just means that someone agrees with the people who assigned them a gender when they were a baby and how society treats them. 

Slurs: Don’t use them. There are a lot. If you see it in a porn category you probably should stay away from it. 

Pronouns

Pronouns are highly personal and can be a myriad of things so I will not be going over all of them. They do not always match presentation (a long haired man with breasts is still a man) and many people will use multiple sets of pronouns or fluctuate between them for what they feel most comfortable with. 

Common pronouns are: they/them, he/him, she/her

Less common pronouns are: xi/xir, fae/faer, it/its, e/em, per/pers, ve/vir, zie/hir

Neopronouns: People make up pronouns all the time since they are personal and these new pronouns are just as valid as any others. Someone made up his and hers after all. When making neopronouns the main thing to be aware of is consistency. You want the different forms of conjugation to make sense and you want to spell them the same way every time. 

Appearance

As has already been stated, there’s no correlation between gender presentation and gender and many trans people are unable to present the way they want to due to the economy, genetics, health, or community. Still, people do what they can to pass or feel comfortable in their body and these things need to be in mind during descriptions. People tend to think of the slight things that make people not pass are unattractive and will point out a woman’s 5 o’clock shadow or a man’s high pitched voice as flaws. These things do not necessarily need to be skipped over but they can be described in a way that doesn’t distract from the characters gender. 

Try to stop thinking of an hourglass shape as an intrinsically feminine trait and height as an inherently masculine one. There are cis women with full beards and cis men with round jaws. Exploring different features, combining them, and seeing how they meld will give your characters more depth and help with differentiating them from one another. A good rule of thumb is, if you mention something that people don’t immediately clock as the characters gender, describe it as gender accurate. 

Misgendering

This is another one that I would say don’t do but there are characters who the writers don’t always agree with. Misgendering is extremely harmful, puts trans people’s lives in danger, and can out them without their permission. The narrator should never misgender a character unless the character does not realize they are trans until the story is underway but this should be rare. The trans character would have no reason to ever misgender themself and may talk about how they presented in the past but will, most likely, still refer to themself with the correct gender. The POV character may misgender a trans character upon meeting them but after being corrected should fix their behavior unless you want your audience to dislike the POV character. Friends of the trans character should not misgender the character unless they are in a situation in which being correctly gendered would bring them harm, otherwise they’re not good friends. Family may misgender the trans character if they are not out or if the family members are terrible people. 

Dysphoria/Euphoria

Dysphoria is when there’s a painful discrepancy between mind and body, like when someone knows they are one way but they don’t look the way they feel. Misgendering can be a large cause of dysphoria, as can hearing a recording of their voice, reflections, binding and tucking not hiding what the individual may want to hide, height, muscle structure, bone structure, etc. 

Euphoria is the exact opposite of this. It is an extreme sensation of peace and joy in personal gender presentation. This can be caused by hormone replacement therapy, correct gendering, presenting in a way that feels natural, and acceptance. 

Dysphoria is not necessary for being transgender. 

Social Groups

Look around your friend group. Notice anything eerie? Notice how most of your friends are similar to you in a lot of ways, especially IRL friends? They’re people that you trust and expect to keep you safe while having a fun time with because you share interests and experiences with. Same for trans people. This is why, if you look at my friend group there’s 2 genderfluid, 1 agender, 1 nonbinary, 2 trans women, 1 trans man, and 1 cis man (who’s a cousin). If you have just 1 trans character in a group of friends it is going to read as a need for diversity points and that character is less likely to feel safe with discussing trans issues due to no one around them being able to relate.

Outing 

This is one that a lot of people have a hard time with and even trans writers mess up a lot. We all know the infamous scene of someone walking in on a trans person changing and, hopefully, we know that this is not only cliche but actually harmful as it tends to lead to the idea of “lying” when it’s really just not anyone’s business and that trans bodies must be on display. I would say that you shouldn’t have to out your character because coming out is dangerous for real trans people in a lot of situations and it normalizes the idea that trans people must doxx themselves at any moment but due to the lack of representation and the nature of novels, you pretty much have to out your characters. No amount of subtext will be as beneficial to a trans reader as cementing the fact that there’s someone they can relate to in canon. Luckily outing a trans character is a lot easier than people think. 

Some of us can’t shut up. A lot of trans people will hint at it a lot and just flat out say it if they’re in similar company. If we see people who we feel confident are also queer we often drop hints that we understand we’re safe, they can come to us (especially in a retail setting), because we want a community. The amount I bring up my masculinity is very very often, to the point I’m surprised people aren’t annoyed with me. I don’t pass very well so I wear a lot of brightly colored buttons that explicitly state my pronouns. There’s also this very strong urge to correct people who use gendered language for things that don’t need gender (like sexual organs and menstrual cycles). There’s nothing wrong with just saying that a character is trans. 

Resources

The best thing you can do for your story is research. The trans people you know are not google and they do not deserve to be treated like google. You can use google. Here’s some stuff I found on google: 

Dummies | Transequality | EverydayFeminism | Scriptlgbt

But no matter how much research you do it’s not going to be as useful as a sensitivity reader. Once your story is complete ask people to read it as beta readers and sensitivity readers and listen to the people that fit your minority characters. 

Some musicians to check out for inspiration

I have to recommend music. I wouldn’t be myself if I didn’t. 

Agender: Angel Haze | Mood Killer

Androgyne: Florian- Ayala Flora | 

Genderfluid: Aja | Miley Cyrus | Dorian Electra | Jana Hunter | Ruby Rose |  Sons of an Illustrious Father | Eliot Sumner | Maxine Feldman | Chester Lockhart 

Genderqueer: Sopor Aeternus | CN Lester | Planningtorock | Chris Pureka | Sam Smith | Rae Spoon | Vaginal Davis | Ezra Furman | Randa | Vivek Shraya

Genderneutral: Grimes | 

Nonbinary: Arca | Mal Blum | Justin Vivian Bond | Adore Delano | Grey Gritt | Rose McGowan | Shamir | T Thomason | Beth Jean Houghton | Openside | Fraxiom 

Pandrogyne: Genesis P-orridge 

Trans Man: Alexander James Adams | Bettens | Little Axe and the Golden Echoes | Cidney Bullens | Meryn Cadell | Ryan Cassata | Quinn Christopherson | Beverly Glenn Copeland | Quinn Marston | Clyde Peterson | Schmekel | Lucas Silveira | Billy Tipton 

Trans Woman: 1.8.7. | Nadia Almada | Vacancy Chain | Barbra Amesbury | anohni | Estelle Asmodelle | Backxwash | Mykki Blanco | Namoli Brennet | Tona Brown | Sara Davis Buechner | Mya Byrne | The Neptune Darlings | Simona Castricum | Lili Chen | Jessie Chung | Coccinelle | Jayne County | Bulent Ersoy | Deena Kaye Rose | Bibi Anderson | Marci Free |  Teddy Geiger | Gila Goldstein | Laurie Jane Grace | Romy Haag | Ai Haruna | Juliana Huxtable | Mila Jam | Christine Jorgensen | Lady | Left@London | Amanda Lapore | Liniker | Jennifer Maidman | Michete | Trevi Moran | Angela Morley | Ataru Nakamura | Octo Octa | Dee Palmer | Kim Petras | Axis of Awesome | Katey Red | Patricia Ribeiro | Danica Roem | Jackie Shane | Breanna Synclaire | Sophie | Ramon Te Wake | Terre Thaemlitz | Cindy Thai Tai | Titicia | Venus Flytrap 

Two Spirit: Tony Enos | Cris Derksen

[werevulvi]

I wanted to write a bit about sex segregated spaces, in regards to people who pass as the opposite sex. This is not actually about trans people, as much as it is about the safety, integrity and general rights of male-passing biological women. I am not the only gender non-conforming woman who gets tossed out of female only spaces, based on the false presumption that we’re men. I do not care about validating trans women, or even trans men, for that matter. I care about real life practicality, risks and safety for ALL women, not just those who look conveniently clearly female, which starts with accepting that some women, whether they've medically transitioned or not, pass as male. And none of them should have to feminise themselves to access female only spaces. Whether that be to ensure safety from males, or to just take a leak.

The fact that I choose to keep my beard has almost nothing to do with that I'm male-passing. It may be my strongest "male" feature, but it's hardly the only one. I still pass as male with a clean shaven face, which makes shaving my beloved beard rather pointless, in my opinion. I would realistically need to go through more than just facial hair removal to pass as my own sex again. I'd probably even need facial feminisation surgery, hair transplant, voice feminisation and full body hair removal, at the very least, to even get close to passing as female again. But even then, I'd probably STILL be read as a trans woman, i.e. male. And even IF I did all that... WHY should I have to mutilate myself (a second time) by buying into harmful patriarchal beauty standards, which would worsen my dysphoria and reduce my comfort in my own skin significantly, to be allowed the safety of male-free spaces?

Does that sound feminist to you? Because to me, it's incredibly misogynistic, and strongly counterproductive. To uphold patriarchal gender roles for the safety of women... is the most insanely anti-feminist double standard I can possibly ever think of.

To lay out my argument on this topic, I'm going to use my own experiences as examples a lot. Mostly because I cannot with any conscience speak for anyone else than myself, at least not in such detail and with such harsh judgement. But I'm sure a lot of my experiences are applicable to other masculine women as well.

First off, I still consider myself gender critical, but my allegiance to radical feminism has been waning lately. This is mostly due to that although I agree with the base premise of radfem, I tend to disagree with the proposed solutions to almost all of the issues, because to me they come across as unfounded beliefs (yes, BELIEFS) that "it would just work" without much of any evidence to back up such a claim.

And when it comes to trans people, I've noticed a lot of... shall we say, willful ignorance, going on among many radfems, which does affect opinions on gender abolishion as well as sex segregated spaces to appear rather... intellectually dishonest, to be frank. Although this is not intended as a call out by any means, I merely want for people of all sides of the radfem/gender critical/pro-trans fence to stay critical and keep questioning everything, even one's own beloved ideology. Which I don't see a lot of. Instead I see almost religious defending of radfem as the ultimate/perfect ideology... oh, guess where I've seen that before? I've come to believe that "hivemindedness" is probably part of every possible ideology out there. Even radfem.

So, anyway.

One thing I come across time and time again is the belief (yes, I dare say "belief") that people never pass as the opposite sex, although it's mostly directed at trans people, this very much applies to people who are just gnc as well. Let's not forget that. And this belief seem to often lead to that transitioned/gnc people can just use the space intended for their biological sex, no problem. However, this is not the case. There is a problem. Very many trans people, and some gnc people, pass well enough to at least blend in enough to not raise much of an eyebrow among the opposite sex, and to most definitely stand out as an outsider among people of the same sex. OR they pass barely enough as either sex, and thus stand out as an outsider among both the same sex and the opposite sex, which can cause similar problems with single sex spaces.

There's also the thing that it generally is easier to pass as the opposite sex among complete strangers, compared to people who know you/your background. They tend to read you differently, depending on that.

At least in my experience, complete strangers assume I'm male and don't even as much as raise an eyebrow about how male I come across as. They accept their false assumption at face value. And why wouldn't they? 99,97% of people who "look like me" are biologically men. Then people who know I'm transitioned, but didn't know me pre-transition, tend to see me as a female who looks very convincingly male, whether that makes me a masculine woman, trans man, or any other (female) label in their eyes. They claim to be able to "see" my female nature, yet they somehow had no idea before I told them about my true sex. Then people who know about my history and saw it happen from the time before my transition (now only really my family) never quite succeeded to see me as anything other than a gnc woman. To quote my dad: "You look like a woman who's trying to look like a man." Although I'm sure my mom and sister don't have quite as harsh views about me, lol. They still seem to see me the way they always have, regardless of what name or pronouns they use for me.

This matters, because although people who know I'm transitioned and may even have witnessed my transition from the beginning, struggle to see me as a man (which I respect entirely and I'm VERY careful to not push wanting to be seen/read as anything in particular, but also, people do not want to be rude, especially irl) that does not go for people who have never even seen me before the moment I walk into... say, a public bathroom. To them I cannot possibly be anything other than a man, and it's almost impossible to change their view of me as male once their brains have registered me as such. I need to conjure up pretty fucking compelling evidence to shatter that view they have of me.

This is important, because it means I cannot feasibly use female only spaces, unless someone else (who is also female) vouches for me and explains my situation for me. This is, most likely due to people being more likely to believe an unlikely explanation when it's told by someone else, because maybe I could be lying; and only someone of the same sex as me can accompany/escort me into female only spaces, obviously. But even then, there's a ton of tension around my presentation. An air of distrust, basically. The question that hangs in the air: "Is that a trans woman?" even after they've been given a thorough explanation of my situation. It's uncomfortable for everyone involved. Imagine how it goes then if I'd just show up unannounced, and without someone to vouch for me. I just get booted on sight.

Yes, I can whine about this all day, but that is NOT my point.

My point is that I'm either directly, or implicitly, unwelcome in female only spaces, despite being biologically female, because of my transitioned appearance... despite I'm not even on testosterone anymore since 2 years ago. Sure, most gnc women (whether transitioned or not) don't seem to have turned out quite as passable as me, but clearly, it happens. So let's stop pretending that it doesn't.

So with that in mind, I don't always have access to a gender neutral space. Like for example when I travel with the ferry that goes between my island and the mainland of my country, there is only men's bathrooms and women's bathrooms. No third option. That's a 3 hour boat ride, and with my coffee drinking habit, I will need to pee at some point or another while aboard that ship, alright. And no, peeing in the ocean is not an option, as squatting over the railing would be incredibly dangerous, and most likely not even remotely allowed. Granted, I don't take the ferry often, it's just the most clear example I can think of. Because it's my only means of transportation to/from the mainland, except from flying, which is incredibly expensive, less reliable and obviously an environmental hazard. So when I do have to use that ferry, I'm kinda stuck with my choices.

So then, am I better off going with the men's or women's bathroom? I am much more likely to be left alone to do my business in the men's, so even though that is not the space I want to be in, nor do I think it's "right" for me to be there, sometimes it's even a bit scary, other times even impractical if there's only urinals and no stall, and it's absolutely not validating at all - it's the only bathroom that I can realistically use, without too much trouble. And I don't want trouble. But I also hate having to put my own safety on the backburner for the perceived safety of other women, who are not actually at any higher safety risk when left alone with me.

So, onto the more general, political aspects of this issue:

Women in male only spaces may be less of an issue in regards to safety, at least for the majority of people (men) in that space, especially if the woman in question passes as male. No one gives a fuck, generally. But problem is then that she is at far greater risk than the majority of people (women) would be with a single male, in a female only space. As I think a group of women against one male is generally less risk towards the women, when compared to a group of men against a single female, which can be extremely dangerous for her. Although I've so far never been faced with any sort of violence in a male only space, let's not pretend that my presense in a male only space is somehow LESS dangerous for me, than how dangerous the presense of ONE male in a space with a whole group of women, would be for those women. Statistically and realistically, I'm at a far greater risk than they are, and no, I do not have any more choice in the matter than they do.

Thus, this kinda skewed idea of safety and choice, becomes a question of ethics, I think.

Furthermore, I'm a person of principles, and it wouldn't sit right with me that if males should never under any circumstances be allowed in female spaces, but females could be allowed in male spaces. I refuse to be a hypocrit on purpose! No, if males should never under any circumstances be allowed in female spaces, then females should also never under any circumstances be allowed in male spaces. OR, if females CAN under some special circumstances be allowed into male spaces, then males should be allowed the same in female spaces. Both of these solutions pose serious problems, which I keep seeing being brushed under the carpet a lot, and that annoys me.

But if we go with the first idea, of barring people from using opposite sex spaces altogether, then where the fuck do I pee? Should I utilise my "right" to use female spaces, despite making everyone uncomfortable and feeling threatened by my presense, as well as risking being kicked out and forced to use the equivalent male spaces anyway, which is exactly what that idea is meant to prevent - or should I completely avoid being in places which I know does not have a gender neutral bathroom, such as the ferry? Would that not be discrimination? Which is the most reasonable option here, what is the most practical, what's wrong and what's right? Do I even have a RIGHT to use female bathrooms, and if so, how do I prove it, considering my ID still says I'm male?

Trans men aren't gonna be nearly as willing to use female only spaces, and trans women definitely not eager to use male only spaces. But aside from that validation factor, I have the exact same struggle as trans people do on this particular point. Quite often they do toss and turn at which bloody bathroom to pick, not just out of validation, but because they genuinely struggle to figure out which one is the best option for them practically. Especially if they don't quite pass as either sex, and most and foremost just wanna do their business without unneccesary drama.

Also, to clarify: barring trans people from opposite sex spaces is NOT discrimination, as they never belonged there to begin with - but leaving them with no other option than to pee themselves, is. Which means that I think it's fucked up to barr them from those spaces BEFORE having solved the problem of "if they can't go there, then where?"

Perhaps I'm the only one around here who cares about males' integrity, safety and human rights. But even if so, I should not be the only one to care about gnc females' integrity, safety and rights. Male-passing females, whether transitioned or not, whether bearded or not, are still female, and if we don't want them in female only spaces, and not in male only spaces either; why? Because they "chose" to medically transition and/or dress in men's clothing?

Yeah, well, in most cases of transitioned females, they transitioned because of dysphoria, which no one chooses to have. It's a medical condition. Barring people from spaces they'd otherwise be welcomed into, due to the visual outcome of the treatment of their medical condition... is ableism. Barring a woman from a female only space she belongs in, solely because her unusual physical appearance freaks you out... is ableism. Also, simply being gnc and being viscerally uncomfortable with presenting femininely is also not a choice. And even if it was... shouldn't it be? That's why I cannot roll with that sorta solution. I dunno if it counts as a form of discrimination by definition, but it just smells a lot like it from where I sit. That it's no more right to toss me out of, or give me trouble, in a women's bathroom, than a masculine women who also passes as male but who has not medically transitioned.

That said, however, women's safety DOES matter a lot to me. Hence my reluctance to join their spaces, despite being a woman myself. I guess, what I'd want is complete sex segregation to work in my favour, but I can't promote a rule that would discriminate against me. I'm sorry, I just can't. I desire FUNCTIONAL sex segregated spaces, but realistically they cannot function. Truth is that the only womens spaces I've been allowed into since I began passing as male, are "trans inclusionary" ones that openly allow in trans women, ironically. I care about the safety of other women, and their right to have their own spaces... but not at the expense of my own rights, as a fellow woman. To say otherwise would be a crime against myself. I really wish this could be solved in some way that would work in practice, but honestly I don't think it can anytime soon. Not without some seriously tried and proven, practical and humane methods to check what sex people entering single sex spaces actually are.

That is the reality that people have to face. And personally I'd rather focus on women's rights than trans rights, but as a woman who's medically transitioning, I'd shoot my own foot no matter which one I'd choose. That's quite a dilemma.

So where my opinion stands on this right now, is basically this: I think female only spaces should only be for biological women, but I'm reluctantly okay-ish with males who pass as female utilising female only spaces, and vice versa for females in male only spaces. However, this does not feel ideal at all. It's a compromise. Ideally, I want such spaces to be entirely sex segregated, and for even people who pass as the opposite sex (like myself) to be allowed into spaces of their biological sex. My appeal here is both realistic practicality with the reality that some people really do pass as the opposite sex, as well as the safety, rights and integrity of male-passing women.