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verysium · 6 months

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『01』到着: arrival

ft. rin itoshi, sae itoshi

summary: the forces of nature abide by a single law: all cataclysms are creators of their own collapse. in the wake of such destruction, rin tumbles his way down to earth, and along the staircase of heaven, a new star is born. cw: mild swearing, childhood nostalgia and growing pains, rin being embarrassing, social anxiety, sae being somewhat parental, sibling dynamics, kamakura and japanese culture, spanish lessons, very dense prose (cus i suck ass at dialogue), star analogies, orange peels and other fruit metaphors, fluff but bittersweet.

word count: 6.4k

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The first word Rin learns is star.

It is spoon-fed to him in glittering globules of milk fat, dense and pooling around the gums. Stars are what he senses when rough hands slip around his torso, stuffing the nib of a plastic bottle into his mouth. He is only a week old and can't see yet, but he already knows the set of eyes he is staring into. There are tiny pinpoints of blue-green light, reflective and shiny, a mirror to his own.

The world is blurry but somehow Rin finds his own image. His newborn legs are scrunched inside a wad of cotton blankets, poised and ready to strike. Rin doesn't like being confined, but the four walls of the hospital room offer him no reprieve. He cries and bawls and screams to go back. Only the silence answers.

Rin hates this place. The world out here is a different state of mind: too bright, too loud, too much. Anything and everything has been etched into a single frame, time scorched into untouched skin. It is to the point his senses cannot handle any more.

Every morning the shadows of nurses gorge themselves on daylight, waistlines growing by the minute as they enlarge into his field of vision. They pry at the wires of his crib, brushing off invisible dust as they try so hard to make his heartbeat sync with their incessantly beating machines. His body refuses to obey. They should've known the moment he was born that he'd always be one step behind.

Rin wants to screech his head off again. This time he babbles that the milk tastes like car grease, that he'd rather die free than live in pain, but a firm hand stays the bottle between his lips, insisting on its delicacy. Rin blanches. He isn't hungry. He tries to pull away. But his mother's voice cuts through the silence, a warning.

"Sae-chan, be careful with your brother."

The two-year-old grunts, lips twisted in annoyance as he tries the balancing act of feeding a newborn with one arm. His gaze is ancient, too piercing for a child. Rin's fingers crawl up Sae's face, clumsy and blind as they grope for his nose bridge. There are stars in his older brother's eyes, ones Rin cannot reach no matter how hard he tries.

Rin ends up spilling milk on himself, crying as he drools white rivulets down his chin. If Sae could swear, he most definitely would’ve called Rin an ungrateful little shit. But Rin knows it is an honor to be born where he was. He is a legacy to someone else’s dream, both a spare and a second chance at living. He butters himself up in their nasal tongues, machinating his lips in tandem.

When his brother offers him another drink, his mouth is already open.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

It turns out life outside the womb is actually far greater than it was inside. Rin learns that real people walk and talk and grow up to find something called a purpose. He doesn't understand why the adults deem it complicated though. How could something so simple take years to discover? After all, his brother has already figured out his purpose, so why couldn't he?

"Rin-chan, you must find something to do with your life," his grandmother mentions over dinner, smoothing her weathered hands down the locks of his hair. The family is gathered around the table for tea, sitting like a portrait on the zabuton. Rin tries his best to emulate, his three-year-old spine drawn taut with practiced humility.

"Your brother has already paved the way. You can do the same, can’t you Rin-chan?"

Of course he can. Rin's heard these words a thousand times before. Sae isn't called the family's star collector for nothing. His nii-chan has already amassed tens of thousands of these five-pointed shapes, a few of which sit in a glass trophy case Rin isn't allowed to touch. He’s seen this all play out before.

A fortune teller once read their futures, thumbing her way along his brother’s palms as she spilled the very same oracles. Rin still remembers that day clearly: a morning visit to the shrine, the image scattered like water. The torii unfolded like a vermillion tongue, moseying its way down Komachi Street. He had been dressed in his little navy blue hakama, toes tucked politely into his tabi, his round eyes reflecting the world like a fisheye lens. There was much to observe from the hustle and bustle of life. Peculiar squiggly lines danced along the signage of shops. Candied lacquerware displayed themselves behind glass windows. Rin even stopped to point out the goldfish hanging in their crystal bags, giggling when the force of nearby windchimes sent each fish for a tumble. One soba stop and two taiyaki ice creams later, his small feet had grown tired from the hours of excursion, and his mother carried him on her back for the latter half of the trip home.

It was then that he spotted her.

An old lady sat in a booth by the wayside, framed by colorful curtains. His father had told him that she could foresee the future with the mere touch of her hand. Sae had gone first, holding out his palm with assured poise, as if he already knew the outcome. Rin wasn’t surprised when he heard the verdict. The old lady claimed Sae was destined to become the world’s greatest star, to bring glory to the nation of the sun. Rin didn’t doubt it if this was true at the time. His brother’s existence was proof enough. Sae’s certainty was a lesson Rin learned before object permanence, before any preconventional stage of development. Nii-chan is always one way and not the other. He is on track to do something important, and nothing can sway him from it.

That was the first truth Rin learned of this world.

Even now at the family dinner, he doesn't even need to look to know that his brother is sitting with near perfect posture, the precision of still life running through his veins. Sae is an adult before he is a child, a handcrafted figurehead for the Itoshi name. Rin lifts his chin a little higher, his toddler hands raised in firm conviction.

“I’ll follow Nii-chan! Follow him to the end of the world!”

His grandmother nods, seemingly satisfied with the answer. Rin doesn't say anything else, quiet for the rest of the night. He doesn't understand the words she exchanges with his parents, nor does he try to. Adult talk still isn't his strong suit, especially not when it concerns the future. But his mother's eyes shine wet and proud, and his father chuckles more than usual. Rin decides his purpose right then and there.

He wants to be a star too.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

The day after starting kindergarten, Rin shows off his first masterpiece, cradling two sheets of rice paper as he runs up to the front door. By the time the fusuma slides open, he has already uncrumpled his work, dramatically revealing a bold shock of color. It appeared to be some sort of assemblage, painstakingly inked in blue crayon and pieced together with painter's tape.

"That's a pentagon, Rin."

"No, it’s a star! See? 1…2…3…4…5 points! Star!"

Sae isn't amused. Rin does not know why. His brother’s eyes are hardened slats of light, the still water of an abandoned lake. There are no mouths to swallow the light, no twinkling ripples at the surface, not even the gasps of glimmering excitement. There is only the mirrored slate of the sky: one shade of blue bleeding into the next. Rin feels his stomach plummet into its depths. This isn’t the soft look of pride he wanted to see. Not in the slightest.

At first he thinks about crying, his bottom lip already curled with the onslaught of a pathetic sob. But spite unfurls in his lungs, so instead he turns his nose up with huff, trying to seem unaffected. He would be very proud of his star. And it most certainly was not called a pentagon or whatever stupid name Sae learned in his stupid math class. But apparently his older brother always had something else to say.

"Just come here and erase it. I'll show you how to make a proper star."

"But I don't want to! It's my star. It's perfect!"

Rin can hardly utter another word before Sae's glare nearly freezes the living daylights out of him. Nii-chan is scary, especially when angry. He doesn't even have a choice when he sits down at the chabudai, pouting in reluctance. Sae works out his magic on paper, crafting ley lines within the grain of paper. Rin does his best to follow, licking his lips as he guides his crayon through the dotted lines. It gets increasingly difficult though when Sae's hand echoes warmly around his own, gentle but firm in its direction. Rin tries to avoid his brother's eyes, but Sae's kindness is as disarming as his gaze. Had Nii-chan always had that crease between his eyebrows? The slight upturn of his lips when he bit his tongue in concentration?

Rin tries to trace the lines, but he ends up tracing Sae's face instead. His focus isn't even on the paper when he scribbles out a mess of incomplete pentagons, some geometric concatenation he cannot translate into real-time. Sae would have pinched his cheek, scolding him in disappointment.

Sae never did.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

The next time Rin traces a pentagon, it is on the surface of a black-and-white ball, shot like a meteorite through a football goal. His brother becomes a comet, light on his feet as he thunders down the field, weaving seamlessly between defenders. Rin can only stand on the sidelines, drowned out in his second-hand hoodie, face smushed up against the fence as he tries to get a good view. The team's been at it for hours, and Rin's pretty sure he now has the diamond imprint of chain links burnt into his cheeks.

"Somebody stop him!"

"Get after him!"

"Mark Sae Itoshi!"

There will always be someone up to the challenge of his brother's prowess, but no one ever comes close to toppling him. Rin doesn't think Sae would ever miss a single step, not when he's so far ahead. His brother is strong and calculated, absolutely unwavering in his ascent to the top. The only way Sae Itoshi could ever fall is if he buckled under his own weight, caving into himself.

Rin's eyes follow the reporters as they trail after Sae, and his nose wrinkles in disgust. They were no better than a pack of bloodhounds, desperate for a small taste of his brother's victory. How dare they? His Nii-chan outshined everyone at everything. Rin wasn't the smartest boy, but even he knew that a star could never be caught. They didn't even belong on Earth in the first place.

"Let's go, Rin."

Rin doesn't complain when his brother calls him to return home, oblivious to the media's chagrin. Like Sae, Rin is utterly indifferent to their plight, side-stepping one of the reporters who dry-heaves on his shoes in exhaustion. It was definitely their fault for failing to outrun both an eight-year-old child and his kid brother, let alone try to feast on their glittering remains. If they couldn't catch a star, they ought to eat the dust left behind. After all, that was how the world worked according to Nii-chan.

Only the best could succeed. All the rest would implode with the universe.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

It is the summer before his tenth birthday when Rin takes back every single one of those words. He is that reporter now, completely humiliated and exhausted as he collapses on the sidelines. The afternoon workout had just entirely rearranged his guts, so much so that he's foaming at the mouth, the remnants of his hasty breakfast speckled all over his cleats.

Out of every star in existence, the sun has to be the worst one. A pool of sweat trickles down his back, melting into a sticky discomfort along his nape. It’s too far up his jersey for him to do anything about, and he might just die from the sweltering heat.

Perhaps it was true that sports stars had to suffer in order to burn bright, but Rin would never wish this fate upon anybody. Sae is shouting at him from somewhere outside his periphery, insisting that the sun has never stopped revolving, that Rin has to never stop practicing if he ever plans on keeping up. But at this point, he could care less about a goddamn metaphor, let alone rub two brain cells together to interpret it.

"That shot was shoddy, Rin. Redo it."

"But it's so hot, I can't—”

"It's not hot. It's lukewarm. Redo it."

Sometimes Rin regrets ever thrusting himself into the orbit of his brother’s football dream. Playing on the world stage sounded so much easier in his head back then, but now it might as well have been an impossible fantasy. He most definitely wasn’t cut out for this line of work because his legs feel like shit, his arms feel like shit, and his whole body can’t even breathe under the thick, grimy layer of sweat. Blinking his eyes against the burning salt, Rin curses to himself. He should’ve taken that energy drink from earlier. At least the caffeine would have kept him sane. Sae snaps Rin out of his reverie, his thin voice seeping into Rin’s bones. There’s something softer in his tone this time.

“Suck it up and redo it. I’ll buy you ice cream after practice.”

There is silence. Rin stands back up, wiping his forehead as he stares his brother dead in the eye. The field has never been larger, and the goal has never been closer. And just like that, he is off, powering down the turf.

Under the supermassive gravity of his brother's ambitions, Rin becomes a supernova, his body charged with enough energy to last through entire lifetimes.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

In the oppressive sunlight, Sae's cold stare becomes a welcome sight. Augusts in Kamakura are the products of heat waves, the sun so scorching Rin can see a visible mirage above the asphalt. The heat spares no one, and Rin feels his cargo pants stick to the crease of his thighs. Even Sae’s bangs are plastered to his forehead, unusually slick behind the ears. They had just met Sae’s agent that morning, taking the Yokosuka line back from Tokyo. Sae had even left early, planning to evade the weekend’s tourists. But neither of them ever anticipated the harshness of the afternoon heat. After nearly an hour of searching, their only refuge was this 7-Eleven, some tiny microcosm practically stowed away between two utility poles.

The oba-chan at the konbini greets them with a seasoned smile, chirping with polite bubbliness as she rings up Sae’s Garigari-kun popsicles, a total of 70 yen for the original soda flavor. Rin waits demurely in a corner, eyes drawn to his brother’s silhouette. Some oji-san sits himself down nearby, fanning himself with a newspaper as he twirls a toothpick between his gums.

“Trying to avoid the heat, eh? You and your brother come here often?”

The man looks middle-aged, crowned with an artificial toupée and a cracked tooth. His eyes dart between Rin and Sae, a knowing smile plastered on his lips.

“Nii-chan and I just found this place. We don’t come here a lot.”

“Ah. Is that so? You seem awfully young to be shopping without parents. What’s your name?”

Rin doesn’t want to answer. He hates this man already, even more so his strangeness. There’s a disarming nature to his beady eyes, like he knows something Rin doesn’t. Rin looks down at the floor, his sneakers toeing a shy line across the linoleum tiles.

“R-rin.”

“Rin-kun, eh? You must look up to your Nii-chan a lot, huh? Your gaze hasn’t left him since.”

Rin feels his throat close up, cheeks flushing with heat of embarrassment. On second thought, he hates everything about this oji-san now, even down to his obnoxious friendliness. The old man winks, bending down in a conspiratorial whisper. Rin wrinkles his nose at the stale smell of beer, feeling embarrassed for even bothering to converse. This man was clearly drunk out of his mind, and Rin secretly hopes no one else is watching him. But unfortunately, the whispers are loud enough to travel across the entire convenience store, right into Sae’s ears.

“Oh-ho? Are you blushing?”

Rin vehemently shakes his head.

“Don’t worry, Rin-kun. Your secret is safe for me. You must be your brother’s little shadow, right?” The man pumps his fist out, his voice distorted in a childish imitation. “Nii-chan's number one supporter!”

Rin’s hands ball into fists at the oji-san’s teasing, his ears red to their tips. Sae is looking at him from over the cash register now, a confused look etched onto his face. Rin clenches his teeth in annoyance. Stripped bare of all defenses, he is now analyzed for what he is. Was his admiration that obvious? Did Sae know about his feelings? He didn’t want to be taken for some stupid, awestruck fool. The old man’s question is barely answered before Rin makes a break for it, the bell on the door ringing with his sudden departure.

The road outside swirls in holographic patterns, a dizzying blend of feet and socks and concrete. Rin has to take a moment to steady himself before Sae comes up behind him, armed with a plastic bag of wrappers and blue ice between his teeth. Rin licks his popsicle with caution, burning away his shame as his tongue freeze dries itself to the candied surface. Sae crunches his ice cream in two bites, an amused lilt to his voice.

“What was that back there?”

“N-nothing! I didn’t know him.”

“You’re too shy to talk to strangers?”

“N-no…H-he was just talking to himself.”

Sae gives Rin a weird look, but he doesn’t question further. Instead, his hand reaches down to slap Rin on the back of the head, ruffling the hair there until it somehow resembles a bird’s nest.

“Next time someone asks you something, just answer. Stop acting like a damn coward.”

Rin’s entire face burns with humiliation at that comment. He wishes the ground could just open up and swallow him whole. The last thing he wants to be is the laughingstock of his brother’s dry humor, but the fact that Sae rarely even cracks a joke makes this entire situation much worse. Instead of replying, Rin follows what he does best and rapidly changes the subject. His voice trembles as he stares at his popsicle handle, noting the hiragana carved into plywood. Atari.

“Ah, look. I won a prize.”

Sae’s eyes widen momentarily, pausing in his step as he looks down to check his own stick. Less than a minute later, he grimaces, tossing it away.

“Tch, don’t waste your luck on something so meaningless.”

Rin knows what Sae means. Only becoming the best matters, and with the sparse amount of luck to go around, he might as well spend it on a real victory. The Itoshis can’t afford loss, not that they’d ever know what it was. A foreign emotion flickers through Sae’s eyes, something akin to uncertainty. Rin brushes it off as a trick of the light.

The trek back home is tinged with a golden hue, the sun milder as it cascades rays down both their faces. Sae's appearance has always been unsettling, even in the mellow glow of summer. Rin recalls his mother used to say that Sae inherited all the sharpness in the family. His mother was definitely right. Sae’s nose is too straight, the slant of his brows too unnatural. If Rin took a ruler to his face, every measurement would come back scientifically accurate. Nothing about Sae is soft. Nothing about him should be comforting. But when his brother looks at him, Rin feels someone’s breath brush across his forehead, the skin still warm from the imprint of their lips.

He grips Sae’s hand tighter, knuckles looped between calloused digits. They tread silently, all thoughts of victory forgotten, the coastal breeze whispering their names into air. Rin can’t take his eyes off his brother, and, despite his lack of situational awareness, Sae notices it too.

“What are you looking at?”

“Nothing… It’s just… Back at the store… If it were you, you’d never be afraid to speak up, right?”

“Of course. There’s nothing that I fear.”

Sae’s tone is stiff when he says this, his face tilted towards the horizon. Rin almost misses the slight waver in his voice. His brother does everything to keep his word. At least that much holds true. Rin silently wishes that too would never change.

Sae always looks forward, always stares towards the skyline, always plans for the future. Not once has Rin seen his older brother look fully back at him, let alone pivot toward the direction he once came from. One side of Sae’s face is always hidden, not too dissimilar to the far side of the moon. His Nii-chan might as well be some celestial body, cast under the penumbra of his own eclipse. No one could ever know him in his entirety.

Sae’s eyes must be lonely, Rin ponders. They’re trapped on opposite ends of his face, two stars that could align but never cross. He swears to always remember the constellations in his brother’s eyes.

He'd follow them wherever they took him.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

Sae has his eyes set on Spain: a land of gold, guts, and glory. The streets are somehow more burnt than its people, and the nation itself flickers with twisting tongues. It is also the only place where Rin cannot follow, and he is inconsolable.

Sae hadn’t even given a week’s notice before he broke the news on a Sunday, stating his plans factually over a family dinner. Rin nearly spit out his ochazuke right then and there, choking pitifully on his tea-steeped rice grains. Who in their right mind would willingly travel to a country that sees the sun for nearly three thousand hours a year? Perhaps Sae was immune to all natural phenomena, but Rin would rather die than train in that hellish heat. And most importantly, what was with the sudden announcement? Did his brother not even care about the people he was leaving behind?

He thought about it hard during dinner and even harder when Sae blow-dried his hair that night. They had both stepped out from the tub at the same time, arguing after their shared bath. Rin complained his brother turned the water temperature up too high every time, and Sae pointed out he was dripping water everywhere, the suds still stuck deep in his scalp. Their fingers had been at each other’s hair, clawing and tugging until their mother finally intervened, wrapping Rin up in the family towel as she knelt down to dry him. Rin stood there, an angry flush on his cheeks and his features pulled into a petulant sulk as he observed Sae clean himself with elegant precision, a quiet look on his face. Life at ten and a half was simply unfair. Rin couldn’t wait until he was his brother’s age. Apparently being a teenager meant Nii-chan could have his own towel, a custom gift embroidered with seagulls on the hem. Nii-chan could dry himself without any help from others, no longer needing his mother’s guidance. He could even leave the house if he truly wanted, and no one would come after him. Rin’s scowl deepens, glowering at Sae as his mother forces his little arms up, tugging the pyjamas over his head. In another life, he would’ve admitted that he was envious of Sae’s independence, the sheer effortless grace with which he carried himself. But Rin was too prideful to do that. A confession of his own failures was equivalent to suicide in his book.

The best he can do is bite his tongue, forcing back the angry vitriol that would have otherwise spilled from his lips. His brother stands on a stool behind him, blow-dryer in hand as he ruffles through Rin’s tresses, the nozzle spewing warm air across his forehead. Sae’s fingers are rough and heavy, riddled with calluses underneath, likely from the months of weightlifting and grip training. But as solid as they are, they are also nimble, delicate as bird wings as they gently comb through strands of hair. The hot air massages around his temples, and Rin feels the tender brush of something against his nape. He cannot tell if it was the blow-dryer or the warmth of Sae’s body behind him.

In the end, he decides he does not want to know.

By now, the water droplets have cleared from his skin, his locks rusted from a dark olive to a coarse black. Sae turns the blow-dryer to his own head, tousling his hair as he shakes out the excess moisture. Rin watches silently through the mirror, squeezing a fine line of mint paste down the center of his toothbrush. He chews on the plastic bristles as he contemplates, moving his arm back and forth in a repetitive scrubbing motion. Sae had inherited their mother’s hair and their father’s countenance, his visage a perfect combination of both genetic features. His obaa-san once remarked that the kami had accidentally spilled wine on Sae’s birthday, anointing his head in a rich maroon. In Japan, red is the color of all things joyous, a shade Rin identifies with the uchikake at weddings and the rope decorations his parents pin onto doors for good luck. But to be associated with joy, Rin finds that fact highly ironic. He has never seen Sae express any semblance of happiness before, except maybe the occasional grimace he tries to pass off as a smile.

Still, the connotation of their contrasting hair colors does little to ease the ache in his tiny chest. If Sae is the blood of an early sunrise, then Rin is the death before night. Black is not a marriage but a funeral, the makings of an era filled with fear, violence, and misfortune. In a way, Rin is the end to Sae’s beginning, both the antithesis and the complement.

A soft touch against his chin interrupts his thoughts, and Rin looks up just in time to see Sae retracting his hand, wiping the excess toothpaste off Rin’s chin. And in that moment, he wants to scream. How dare Sae try to leave him? To act like everything was alright. He said the end was another beginning when really it was just the end. There wasn’t any coming back from it. Sae would disappear off to Spain, and he would never come back. At least the version of Sae he was seeing now.

In the dim lights, Rin’s hair is darker than ever, the inky tendrils plastered around his ears like a vacuum devoid of light. He brings a death omen, a curse wherever he goes. In between the liminal space of bathroom mirror and tile, he divorces memory from mind, separating the flesh until it can last no longer. He’ll kill this memory of his brother if he has to, suffocating it in the most gruesome of ways. He doesn’t want to admit this might be the last time he’ll ever see Sae.

And most importantly, he doesn’t want to admit that he just might miss him.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

Rin resolved to give Sae the silent treatment after that night, avoiding him throughout the house and acting like he was repelled by some nameless force. But his plans sadly never seem to work. The more he turns away, the more he is reeled back in, as if cast on some invisible fishing line. Now he’s here in Sae's bedroom, forty-eight hours before D-day, trying to mouth out words that aren't his own.

His brother has somehow convinced him to adopt a new language, something about how he needs to be bilingual to play in different countries. Rin didn’t understand most of it before he complied, letting himself be dragged onto his brother’s bedspread. His English flashcards sit opposite to Sae’s Spanish ones as he crosses his legs, mouthing the shapes on his brother’s lips.

Manzana. Banana. Naranja.

Translation: I am undoing everything that has ever made me whole.

In the middle of their lesson, Sae hands his brother said fruit, as if to accentuate his point. He peels the orange in a perfect spiral, thumb under the calyx as the spongy white fiber separates from ochre flesh, the pulp inlaid like jewels beneath skin. He cracks the segments hexagonally and tosses Rin the larger half.

“Naranja.”

“Naranja.” Rin repeats, curling his tongue around the foreign vowels. He catches the fruit with ease, shoving the flesh into his mouth until juice pools between teeth and his mouth is bursting with flavor. The language trickles down his throat, settling into the hollow of his larynx.

Naranja.

He looks down at his own orange, a half-imitation at best. His fingers are still stuck inside the skin, the liquid squirting into his right eye. It is sour, acrid even. The flesh has gone bad, wrinkled like soft cherries. A tangerine blooms saffron yellow beneath his nails, zest building up under the cuticle. He makes a mental note to wash his hands later.

Mi media naranja.

Unlearning, Rin decides, is a very difficult process. It makes him feel like a child again, an estrangement from his old self. Sometimes two halves aren’t enough to make him whole, and other times it is a section too much. There are many things in this world that elude his grasp. One day perhaps he will know them all. In another life, he would have been able to tell the difference between an apple and an orange, to draw the line between his half and Sae’s half. But for now, he is still discovering, still plucking and choosing, still floundering in a body he has come to hate. Rin picks up another flashcard, right next to the yellow one labeled starfruit, named estrella for each of its five points.

“What’s this one?”

“Desastre. Spanish for disaster.”

"Dis…as…star?"

"It's disaster. You have to enunciate the r."

"Dis…as…ster? What the hell even is that? Another star?"

Sae deadpans, and Rin mentally braces himself for another harsh remark, probably a brutally honest insult about his own stupidity. But this conversation has long evolved past fruits and colors and my half and your half. His brother’s eyes soften with shadows, as if bruised by something far deeper. A contusion forms beneath the surface, purpled and pained. Rin’s mind fills with confusion when Sae suddenly stares out the curtains again, his gaze strangely wistful. The room is so quiet he almost misses Sae’s answer.

"Yeah...it's a star.”

Disaster is a bad star.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

The day before Sae leaves, Rin wishes on a bad star. He wakes up at an unlucky hour of dawn, slinking past a sleeping town as he goes to find his brother on the embankment near the sea. The streets bend around this corner of the peninsula, gaping like a mouth, lips pried apart at the seams. Located between a rock and a hard place, the coast of Koshigoe Beach oscillates between two types of constant turmoil, battling the erosion of natural forces from the east while facing the gentrification of construction in the west. During early mornings, the tide is sometimes low enough to expose the rocks up to the seawall, the desiccated seaweed forming fishing nets along its edge. Occasionally, the imprints of a stranger's footsteps leave behind small pockets of water, each one a home to an assorted array of abalone and oyster shells. Rin remembers the family vacations he spent here, the storm-cloaked skies. He had been so excited to go clamming after watching every episode of Chibi Maruko-Chan. In his red bucket hat and plastic shovel, he raced to the water’s edge, his little cheeks puffed out in exertion. He had anticipated sunny weather and clear skies, the glitter of rainbow sea glass, maybe even the golden sands he had seen in many of Sae’s travel brochures. But his first impression had been one of utter disappointment.

The sand was a dull, drab grey: a single expanse of color that stretched on forever across the horizon. There were no clouds, only the stinging brittle of salt stuck inside his lungs and nestled between his toes. And to make matters worse, there weren’t even any clams in the first place, no sparkling bits of the golden treasure he had been so desperate to bring home. He felt his spirits dampen with ocean spray, his little feet coming to a sudden halt as he stared crestfallen at the waters.

Rin learned two major lessons that day. One, Maruko-chan was a big fat liar. And two, he should never believe anything that he sees on screen. Unfortunately, his folly cost him a hefty price: one tantrum on the car ride home and zero pretty seashells to add to his collection. Looking back on it now, Rin feels a strange sense of comfort in his disillusionment. In all four directions, his home is still the same greyish wash of color, unchanging as the sea and as unforgiving as its waters. At least that is something he can rely on. Nowadays, the constants in his life can be counted on a single hand, and the number of childhood remnants dwindles down to even fewer.

Still, he can recall one memory clearer than the rest.

While Rin had been busy lamenting the lack of clams, Sae had tugged him by the back of his shirt, pulling him to the wayside as he stuck his fingers into the earth. Obviously, Rin was too caught up in his misery to notice, but his sniffles soon died down when he saw the faintest of bubbles lurk beneath the sandy surface. Sae taught him how to dig, how to plant feet into the ground, how to scavenge for survival. And Rin followed without question.

Soon, a cast of translucent crabs spilled forth from the pits, scuttling in massive red tides. Rin scooped some out with bare hands, sectioning them into segments: the ruby shells of a pomegranate, dividing and dividing again. He held a hermit up to the light, a look of gleeful amazement on his features. Was it their shells that determined their shape or the tender bodies inside them? Rin could never tell. All he knew was that these crabs were a different sort of treasure, ones that he cradled gently with bare hands and shielded from the foraging gulls. They were creatures meant to be loved.

The waves now break across concrete fortifications, crashing upon cubic breakwaters. By the time Rin reaches the paved promenade near the shores, Sae is already there, feet drowned in the freezing Pacific, the shirasu swimming between his toes. He doesn’t even turn when the sand crunches with footsteps, and Rin silently curses his brother’s superior senses.

“I thought I told you not to come, Rin.”

“I know....But I still wanted to.”

In Rin’s mind, it doesn’t matter if Sae didn’t want him to be there. It doesn’t matter that he should’ve never come. He’d always keep chasing this dream if it meant he could stay. In fact, any ill omen would be better than this sinking pit in his stomach, this feeling that something was about to change forever.

The twinkles of light in the sky ripple across the sea, and Rin can’t help but see the view reflected in his brother’s visage. Sae’s eyes are like the ports of Sagami Bay, hardened with the carapace of cold comfort. Absence, Rin believes, would be his brother’s ultimate paradox. Sae could do everything and nothing all at once, and he would still be both the empty hole and the overflowing home. If eyes could be waves and faces could be stars, Sae would be the coldest, but he would also burn the brightest. Right now Rin just wants some of that warmth.

“So...you’re really leaving?”

“Yeah. I’m going ahead of you now. You better catch up.”

“Yeah, I know. I’ll do my best to become scouted like you.”

“Right. And then onto the world. The two of us will become the best there is.”

A silence hangs between them, loose as a thread. The wind whistles across the boardwalk, stirring up small spirals of volcanic sand. Sae notices Rin’s contemplative expression, following his gaze until he finds the moon still in the sky, lit up by the fading light of Polaris. Rin prays silently, knees tucked into his chest as he clasps his hands tightly together. His soft whispers are frequently interspersed by distant murmurs of the sea.

Please let Nii-chan be safe. Please don’t let him forget me.

The sunrise is about to start, one more hour until the day fully begins. Sae has to put an end to this, or else he'll never leave.

“Stop praying, Rin. They’re just stars. They'll die before your wish can come true.”

Rin peeks an eye open, unfurling from his tucked position. He looks to the stars then back at Sae, a familiar prickling in his eyes. Sae doesn’t even need to check to know that he’s crying.

“I just...” Rin’s voice wavers, “I think I’lll miss you, Nii-chan. At least send a message home?”

“Maybe. When I have the time.”

“Oh...okay.” Rin looks down awkwardly, staring at his feet before perking up again, “Do you think our dream can be achieved in a few years? I’ll come visit you in Spain! Maybe we’ll even play for Royale together.”

“You better. Don’t slack off just because I’m not here.”

“I know. I won’t.”

Rin had never been particularly good at farewells, let alone his first one. His voice is watery now, as if liquid and unable to be contained.

“Hey...Sae?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you really think we’ll make it big?”

There’s a pause in the conversation, the length of it too long for Sae’s liking. For once, certainty does not come to him as easily. But Rin already knows there is a fundamental difference to the depths of his brother’s greed. Sae’s eyes harden into flints, his voice crashing across the sandy beaches, unrelenting in its harshness but still shapelessly soft.

“We have to.”

Rin doesn’t have anything to say to that. Neither of them do. If killing himself meant living forever, then Sae Itoshi would have died a long time ago.

He would have died and become a star.

author's note: to whoever made it down here, thank you for reading the words i’ve curated at the cost of my sleep schedule. this chapter was supposed to be a purely self-indulgent one-shot about rin’s character, but it quickly devolved into a multi-chapter fic (oops.) majority of the content is pulled from the official manga, the spin-off novel translations, and occasionally my own personal interpretation. the extended star metaphor is inspired by @hanyjar (my lovely moot) and franny choi's poetry in the atlantic. while the plot follows the original canon chronologically, you can theoretically read the scenes in any order, and the vignettes are meant to vacillate between different scenes and interactions. regardless, rin seeks the same path of self-destruction throughout all scenarios, even if it means losing himself. (atp he needs to go to therapy, and i need to go touch grass.) anyways, thank you for reading, and it genuinely means a lot to see people interact with my works!

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stxrmylxve · 1 year

Text

You down for it?

~Notes: cussing, flirting, mentions of a gang bang (but it doesn't happen), car sex, unprotected sex, size kink, hair pulling kink

~Pairing: fem!reader x sae itoshi

You sighed to yourself, brushing your hair behind your ears. The sun had been blinding outside today, making your taste buds salivate anytime you saw a drink.

"You fucker. I am not dating them!"

You stopped putting out the supplies for the soccer game and turned around with a frown to see where the ruckus was coming from, gazing across the field to find Sae Itoshi fighting with Kaiser and a few of their friends tagging along behind.

"Yeah right. I see the way you look at them in class, I'm not an idiot Sae." Kaiser teases as he runs away, almost toppling over as he turned to sprint as Sae began to charge after him.

You giggled to yourself as your teacher passed by, correcting yourself and turning back around with an awkward cough as you continued taking things out of the box.

You heard shuffling from behind you, which you thought was from one of your classmates, but when you turned again to look who it was, it was simply the other group cleaning up. You quickly turned away with a scowl, already getting a whiff of their outside stench as you finished up and checked out, heading to the storage room nearby.

“Dude I’m telling you, she is a two in one package.”

“Shut up Kaiser, don’t talk about people like that-“

“No but.. we can share her, yeah? Come onn, you know I’m right about y/n.”

“Shut up. Even if she did like me back, your grubby hands wouldn’t get a fuckin’ touch on her.” you could pratically hear the eye roll in his tone as he stepped out of the room, almost bumping into you with a grumble.

“Oh, hey.” he says awkwardly, avoiding your stern gaze as he pretended to check the time on the clock.

“Really?” you ask with a laugh as he reverts his eyes back down to yours, looking away to hide the small blush creeping up.

“What?” he asks sheepishly

“You’re gonna’ go around saying stuff like that and think you can just walk out here like I heard nothing?” you giggle as he flushes even harder.

“I was hoping so. Maybe I could get your number a little easier that way.” he mumbles as Kaiser walks out, slamming into his back with a small curse before straightening himself up upon seeing you.

“Hey y/n.” he says with a small smile as you offer one back, but Sae was not amused.

“Fuck off Kai.” he grumbles as he locks his hand around the back of your neck and guides you away, not moving to make conversation but rather to just get you away from his friend.

“So.. you gonna explain that?” you ask with a giggle as he pushes you into the car, shutting the door before walking around and settling in the drivers seat beside you.

“No.” he says with a grin as you roll your eyes.

“So you basiacally just confessed to me, and you’re gonna’ act like this?”

“Last time I checked, you were the one gushing to your friends about wanting to get in my pants.” he shoots back, taking away all other remarks you could have had to argue with.

“Uhm.. well yeah. But what does it matter? Every girl wants to do the same with you.” you look out the window as Sae places his palm on your cheek, guiding your face back over to face his.

“Cause you’re better. Now I say we put up the visors,” he suggests as he puts up his, “so we can get to ‘work’. You down for it?”

The sloppy thrusts slowed as Sae leaned over your smaller figure, your hands snaking up his neck to his hair. Small moans slipped past your lips as his lips covered yours, his soon moving to your next to suck small hickeys all along your neck and collarbone for show tomorrow.

“You- h- Sae come on now.” you deadpan with a breathy laugh as he grumbles against your skin, mutter a small ‘no one will know it was me’ before continuing his work.

One in particular sent sparks through you as your head jerked back, subconsciously gripping and pulling Sae’s hair as he let out a soft groan as well. He gave you a challenging grin after you built up the courage to meet his eyes, mouthing a small mocking ‘really?’ to you.

And that was all it took for the man to flip you over and to smash your face into the seats, securing your hands behind your back with his belt as he abused your small little cunt. His eyes would flutter back to where y’all were both connected, only edging him on to plow into your even faster.

“You know how perfect you are, right? Kaiser could never fuck you as good as I do.” Sae whispers into your ear as he sits you up, angling even deeper to hit unimaginable spots like never before to rip angelic moans out of you.

“I- mh- close!” was all you could mutter out as Sae grinned ear-to-ear like a madman, edging you on with sweet nothings before saying “come for me darl’”

He wasn’t long after you, your walls clamping down on him as you babbled in his arms. The sweat beading along the plush near your lace bra fit perfectly with the fucked expression on your face as your glossy gaze met his lusty one.

“Y’know, you’re freakier than you look.” Sae laughs as you roll your eyes, laying down on the seats as he pulled out and reached up front to grab something.

“Only for a few.” you reply as you glance at the mess, grimacing when you thought of the sheer price of the car you had just fucked in.

“Sorry uh.. for the mess in your car. It’s probably worth more than my parents combined.” you joked as he scoffed, clearly disapproving of the indirect title as a ‘rich boy’.

“Not like I value it. Plus, this was fuckin’ worth it.” he says as he slaps a few $100s on your thigh, patting your thigh for good measure as he pulled his boxers on and put his jersey and shorts on after.

“Well, that should give me enough energy for the game tonight.” he says with a small smile, kissing the top of your head.

“My number is on the sticky note on the back, let’s do this again.”

And with that, he hopped out of the car with his bag, shutting the door behind him before taking off towards the locker rooms again, a small smile still on his face as he ruffled his hair to look a bit more normal. You sat there baffled, not sure what to do from this point on as you glanced down at the money resting on your leg.

Yeah, maybe you were up for it.

MDNI banner credits to @benkeibear

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yrdnzz · 3 months

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remembering

#yrdnzz art #itoshi sae #bllk #blue lock #blue lock fanart #sae #i like sae a lot because he's depressed and he just wants to go home #he embodies the eldest/older sibling struggle #i love siblings i love older siblings #i love my older sister i miss her #i drew this a while ago but now im looking at sae's nape and its very much giving WHat if itoshi sae had a low taper fade #sara bunnyluvrrr u ruined lives......#scheduled post

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perrywrites · 6 months

Note

yoo, thoughts on bllk boys who'd probably be in a 'die for you' (by the weeknd) coded relationship/situationship? 👁👁

Oh, that's definitely the Itoshi brothers' anthem. From the vibes I'm getting from a cursory lookover at the lyrics (I've heard the song before, just never paid attention to the lyrics before) correct me if I'm wrong about what they mean lmfao. Very much Sae, and also Rin - especially Rin. The emotional constipation and communication issues paired with that kind of intense and desperate love... Yeah, that's definitely Rin.

But let's start off with the 'colder' of the two - Sae. You just know that he's not going to give you enough in the relationship, especially in the start. Honestly, I think in terms of attachment styles (if you don't know about those, look them up and take the quiz! very fun and illuminating experience... lol), he's definitely very much on the avoidant end. He comes off as icy and distant in the start, impassive and bored, and although most of the angst would be dealt with before entering into a relationship with him (hopefully...) that doesn't mean things become that much better when you guys actually become official. Not in the beginning, at least. He's definitely softer, noticeably. He teases you with that trademark dry and sarcastic wit, bestows you with lingering touches, rare and precious smiles, but that's not enough. It's just not enough. At first, you cling to every crumb like a rain-soaked shirt to skin, desperate and lovesick for any ounce of affection, and his acknowledgment of you as his girlfriend sends you soaring. But of course, as a relationship starts progressing, one would want more, and it's no different in this case. Except, trying to ask a stubborn man like him for more is difficult, and eventually, tiring. It makes you feel crazy, trying to beg him for more than the bare minimum he offers. It's not necessarily so much so that he refuses to give you more, but more so that he thinks it's pointless. He doesn't see the point in complimenting you often (that would dilute their worth and effect, he would explain), or telling you that he likes you, I mean, you should know that, right? Otherwise he wouldn't be dating you in the first place. So when you start asking him for affection and for more of his time (to go on dates and whatnot... what? You knew he was a busy guy, stop asking to go out so often especially when you know the amount of precautions he'll have to take) and all of that, he starts feeling annoyed and cornered. You're asking for too much. What, do you want him to change for you? Is what he's giving you not enough? And before long, your need for affection is dismissed as neediness by him, and he declares you to be clingy and suffocating.

And we all know Sae doesn't hold back with his words, he's harsh and cold with what he believes to be true, and although he doesn't think he's being mean he totally IS mean when he coldly dismisses you as clingy and tells you that he wants an independent partner. And when your face crumbles like that, hurt visible now where it had been brewing subtly for weeks, if not months, Sae feels something that makes him feel even worse. Guilt? Yes, guilt. But he genuinely doesn't believe he's at fault for this, for expecting you to not be so dependent on him and expect him to be the kind of lovey dovey person he just isn't. And so when you ask him if he even cares about you, in that kind of pitiful broken voice, on the verge of tears - he snaps. He tells you if what he's doing for you isn't enough, you can leave him anytime and go to someone else. Of course, that's not what he really wants. What he's really hoping for is that you'll realize what you're asking for is stupid and childish, so you'll shut up about all of that and just accept what he's giving you. And you do, you shut up. And you're quieter after that, not as affectionate anymore, withdrawing into yourself. And although he felt relieved in the beginning, soon enough your weird behaviour starts making him antsy. At first, you don't message him that much after that argument, and then soon enough, you're not messaging him first anyways. He's the one starting all of your conversations (and he realizes, then, that until then you had been the one initiating most of the conversations), and although you respond, they get drier and drier with each passing day. And now you're the busy one, and he finds himself doing the chasing - albeit subtly - for your affection and attention. He finds himself doing the exact things you were asking for back then, but it's like you're completely unaffected by it, numb to it, and he realizes with a kind of late desperation that he's losing you. And he doesn't want that - but at the same time, he doesn't know what to do anymore. I mean, isn't he doing what you asked for then? He's doing that, so what else can he do? He can't be vulnerable, so he doesn't know how to ask - beg - you to stay when he can feel you slipping through his fingers. And it kills him, to watch you grow cold towards him like this, as all he can do is seem impassive to it when he is anything but.

After all, don't you know? He might not know how to tell you that he loves you, but he would die for you. So don't just leave him like this.

Now, Rin... He's an interesting case, and he's definitely more attuned with his emotions (uhm... in a slightly twisted kind of way...) and more capable of being vulnerable than his brother (ISTJ!Sae VS INTJ!Rin). So he's definitely more introspective and willing to communicate, and if you tell him you need something/want more, he's willing to accommodate you (saying that like he wouldn't like giving you the affection you want, because he loves every part of it - although he would never admit that. Fucking embarrassing as shit) and listen to your feedback, honestly. He's even fine with a certain extent of behaviour that is very clearly and outrightly clingy or needy (in fact, considering Rin's abandonment issues and loneliness, it would soothe a large part of him even if he's a bit troubled by it in the beginning, in contrast to Sae where it would make him largely uncomfortable - at least at first. The way the two would approach affection they're not used to is very fascinating especially with the whole younger and older sibling difference - Rin wouldn't know how to react at first, but he would definitely love and crave it, since he did receive it in his childhood from Sae. Sae would probably feel more uncomfortable with it, and I feel like he's more of a giver anyways, even if he's not doing a whole lotta giving in the sense that you would want him to 💀💀💀). That's until it interferes with his soccer, though. Although I believe Rin is the type of person who would pick his partner over soccer any day if he had to, that would come after a bit of dating/a while of him being in love with you tbh. But anyways, getting back on topic.

This happy too-good-to-be situation can only work so long as you're communicative as well, though. Because as honest as Rin tends to be, blushing and glaring at you as he calls you an idiot comes more naturally to him than 'I love you's. So if you want something and you're unable to tell him, things are going to go sour quick. He's not a mind reader, so as much as he's able to pick up on your moods and so on, he doesn't know what's going on in your mind. So if you want more affection, want him to hug you and kiss you more, express his love for you more, want to go on more dates, tell him. If you don't he's not going to know that. And although he's constantly trying on his own, scheduling movie nights, inviting you out to places he thinks you'd like, holding your hand in public because that's about the only kind of PDA he's comfortable with, if you need something more, you need to tell him. If you feel lonely sometimes because he doesn't respond to you much on days with practice, that his responses end up being more dry on those days, that you want to see him more often, then tell him. Otherwise, things are going to start crumbling. Good for you, though, because Itoshi Rin is not the kind of man that goes down without a fight. If he notices you're not telling him something, as much as he'll be annoyed at that, he'll push that aside in favour of trying to get you to open up to him - after all, don't you know? How soft he is for you? He might not be all that delicate about it, but he'll try to probe and get you to communicate with him - and although he seems relatively calm and collected, you don't understand how anxious he feels, how scared he is that everything could fall apart like this. Don't you know? He'd die for you, if he had to. So stop it, don't put him through this, please. You're crying now, and it feels like his heart is being ripped apart, and all he can do is hold you gently, like you're so fragile, like what the two of you have is so fragile, and run his fingers through your hair as he calms you down. It's okay, it's going to be okay. You two can work this out - no, will, work this out. Because this has to work out, and he's not giving up without a fight. He's in your corner, he's your pillar, don't you know that? So just tell him what's wrong already, dammit. And when you open up to him about all of your worries and insecurities, that you're scared you're a burden to him and his career, or that you're a bother to him, or whatever trash you're spewing, all he does is hoarsely call you an idiot and hug you even tighter. He assures you how untrue all of your insecurities are, but he knows that's not enough, so he promises to do whatever he can to prove to you how wrong your own mind is. After all, you're unbearably precious to him. He's already so attached to you, it's too late. Whatever you need, he'll give it to you, so please, just don't leave him.

Honorary mentions; post-wildcard Kunigami, and Barou.

Post-wildcard Kunigami definitely has intimacy issues, and he'll be closed off and mentally retreat inside, making him distant in your relationship (even though he loves you so much).

Barou would be similar to Sae here, except he'd be a lot more gruff and blunt about it, although tbh if it's something he's not necessarily against (like PDA - no way in hell are you convincing him to do PDA unless you're, like, to the point of engaged or something, and even then only a little bit) you could convince him if you can make him see your point.

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c7arisse · 10 months

Note

omgosh your art is so amazing & cute. im so glad i found your page! it would mean the world if you drew sae. shitty big brother is my fav if it wasn’t obvious :’)

(even though i don’t draw him a lot, he is one of my fav too)

#my art #digital art #fanart #blue lock #bllk #blue lock fanart #ask #blue lock manga #blue lock anime #itoshi sae #bllk sae #here's a young sae bc i tried drawing a regular sae but it was ugly...#my favorite sibling : the shitty one! :)#drawing his eyes took me way too much time

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hihelloheyhowdy · 1 year

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Nagi x Itoshi!Reader drabble

you have been dating Nagi for awhile now, but your brothers only seem to notice when you wear Nagi's Manshine jersey

You first saw Nagi at the U-20 game, and you couldn't help how your eyes were glued to him practically the whole game. Although you were trying to pay attention to your brothers, it didn't seem to work as they would naturally drift back to him. Then by some miracle when you were going to go find Rin after the game, you happened to bump into the tall, white-haired player. From there sparks flew. (He happened to be wearing a shirt of an anime you recognized- the conversation came naturally). You ended up completely forgetting about Rin (yes how awful of you), and ended up somehow getting Nagi's number.

From there the relationship took off, you officially started dating after the players got a break from the Blue Lock Neo Egoist League. You were pretty smitten for Nagi, and it didn't take long for the relationship to get more serious. Fast forward a few more months, and the two of you have been dating for six months now. This brings to your current predicament of Sae and Rin standing in front of you glaring daggers into your soul. It's not like you tried to hide your relationship with Nagi. In fact it would've been very easy to notice if they weren't always so caught up in their petty rivalry. You had worn Nagi's clothing around the house, you'd been on face time with him in the living room, you had talked about Nagi to your mother at dinner right next to them, you had said the phase 'my boyfriend' multiple times, and so really it wasn't your fault they never realized.

"Why are you wearing a Manshine city jersey?" Sae questioned you first he gave you an accusing look, what was he accusing you of you weren't even sure.

"Because it's Nagi's jersey." You answered as if it was obvious, because it should've been.

"Why are you wearing Nagi's Jersey?" Rin was the next to question, because what did you want with the jersey of that tall lukewarm loser.

"Because he's my boyfriend. You guys should know this." The room was filled with silence, until Rin spoke up again.

"When did you even start dating that lukewarm no body?"

"Six months ago. What is wrong-"

"You've been dating someone for six months, and didn't tell us?" Sae immediately cut you off

"No, I did tell you, multiple times in fact. You two have both been too busy in a petty feud to notice."

You got up, and walked away shaking your head as both your brothers protested your words. What was it Nagi always said, 'tis such a pain.

-------------

pt.2 to this post (i'm still figuring out how to use tumblr pls give me tips)

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vampirenigh · 8 months

Text

Fun and fame

Summary: You are an idol.

Characters: Sae Itoshi, Rin Itoshi, Bachira Meguru.

Warnings: Some curse words, stalkers, harassment.

Masterlist

Sae Itoshi

He would be supportive. You always come to his games when you can so he always comes to your shows if he is in the same country as you.

He would listen to your songs and give you some feedback before they are released.

Your fans and his fans love to see pictures of you both on different dates, in a studio or on a training ground. One time you and Sae tried to cook a speciality from French on your live but you both ended up full of flour and laughing. The fans made many edits of you.

When Sae heard that you had a stalker he got very mad. He is a possessive man and no one has the right to touch what is his. In the end he took care of him with his fans and whit social media making him a laughing stock.

On the rare occasions when someone is hitting on you he will just come to you both and look in his eyes. That works most of the time but when it doesn't he won't care if he is in public or not. He will curse him out till he leaves.

"Do you think you lukewarm shit are good enough for her? Fuck off before I will do something that will make you regret that you were even born asshole."

Rin Itoshi

He doesn't care. Not in a bad way. He won't care if you are an idol, a model or nothing at all. He loves you and that's it. But that doesn't stop him from coming at your shows when he can.

He likes to listen to your songs when he trains. They are nice and it helps him to not hear his teammates.

When he heard that you had a stalker he confronted him directly. He didn't care who he was. He was ready to throw some punches at his stupid face. After that no one stalked you anymore. They were scared of your boyfriend.

And if he sees that you are being harassed he just takes your hand and drags you away from that man. If the man still complains he turns and sends him a glare that makes him shit his pants.

"If any more man harrass you just leave. They are not worthy of your time. They are so lukewarm."

Bachira Meguru

He is your biggest supporter. He comes to all of your shows and gives you a small present after every show.

He likes to praise you a lot and likes to show you off to everyone. Especially Isagi. I think Isagi knows all about you because of Bachira.

He likes to listen your music at training, when he cooks, when he buys things. He listens to it on every waking minute. He knows all your songs by now.

When he heard that you have a stalker he was worried. Like are you okay? Why didn't you tell him faster? He would tell his team and tell everyone to help him. In the end he helped you.

When you are harrased he just wants in the conversation and makes the oder man uncomfortable.

"Oh, who is he? Your friend? Isn't Y/n amazing? She has such a perfect voice. Doesn't she?"

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nagiseishirosbby · 10 months

Text

𝐖𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐈 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐊 𝐁𝐋𝐋𝐊'𝐒 𝐅𝐀𝐕𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐄 𝐈𝐂𝐄 𝐂𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐌 𝐖𝐎𝐔𝐋𝐃 𝐁𝐄

A/N: This is my opinion, so don't come after me. I might make another one of these, so hope you enjoy. And sorry for not posting on this acc, I just usually stick to my main acc cuz I like it.

𝐈𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐢 𝐘𝐨𝐢𝐜𝐡𝐢: Blueberry

𝐊𝐮𝐧𝐢𝐠𝐚𝐦𝐢 𝐑𝐞𝐧𝐬𝐮𝐤𝐞: Orange Sherbet

𝐂𝐡𝐢𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐢 𝐇𝐲𝐨𝐦𝐚: Raspberry

𝐁𝐚𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐫𝐚 𝐌𝐞𝐠𝐮𝐫𝐮: Lemon

𝐒𝐡𝐨𝐞𝐢 𝐁𝐚𝐫𝐨: Cherry

𝐌𝐢𝐤𝐚𝐠𝐞 𝐑𝐞𝐨: Grape

𝐍𝐚𝐠𝐢 𝐒𝐞𝐢𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐫𝐨: Cookies and Cream

𝐊𝐞𝐧𝐲𝐮 𝐘𝐮𝐤𝐢𝐦𝐢𝐲𝐚: Vanilla

𝐊𝐮𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐚 𝐑𝐚𝐧𝐳𝐞: Strawberry

𝐄𝐢𝐭𝐚 𝐎𝐭𝐨𝐲𝐚: Lime

𝐘𝐨 𝐇𝐢𝐨𝐫𝐢: Cookie Dough

𝐒𝐚𝐞 𝐈𝐭𝐨𝐬𝐡𝐢: Coffee Ice Cream

𝐑𝐢𝐧 𝐈𝐭𝐨𝐬𝐡𝐢: Vanilla or Caramel

𝐒𝐡𝐢𝐝𝐨𝐮 𝐑𝐲𝐮𝐬𝐞𝐢: Between Strawberry or Rocky Road

𝐂𝐡𝐫𝐢𝐬 𝐏𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐞: Pistachio

𝐊𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐬𝐮 𝐓𝐚𝐛𝐢𝐭𝐨: Blueberry or Butter Pecan

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its-adeucen · 10 months

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the other itoshi; "let me be seen"

the third itoshi who chooses to play the setter position because of how seen it lets them feel. on the court, every nearly every play relies on the setter, forcing both teams to keep their eyes on them. for, no matter how unseen and abandoned they feel at home, they know that on the court, everyones eyes are on them.

#bllk headcanons #siblings with the itoshis #itoshi sibling #itoshi brothers #volleyball #setters #drabble

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seiueina · 10 months

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JUST TOGETHER, US ⋆·˚ ༘ *

synopsis : you are the youngest sibling of the two soccer prodigies. rin full filing his older brother duties.

contains : siblings being siblings + slice of life + rin being math tutor + mild language + mentions of bullying + 1k890wc

Rin exhaled a long and annoyed expression as he watched you pathetically struggle with your Math homework. Rin had always been a fast learner, being able to understand and know things easily was his specialty. However, with you, you found learning to be difficult.

You sat on the small dining table as he hovered over you before letting out another sigh. “You’re stupid.” He breaths out, grabbing one of your notebooks and slightly slapping the crown of your head as you misspelled a sentence.

“I am— I am trying Rin!” You exclaim as you look up at him with angry eyes, your eyes were angry but the water line was armed and ready with tears. Tears that were locked and ready to leave your eyes, but with command. “Try harder then, until then. My point still stands.” He says as he pulls a chair next to you, his head resting on his hand.

“Being mean won’t help with my understanding y’know?” Said with a bratty tone, rolling your eyes at your teal-haired brother who sat next to you. “Be quiet. I am tryna’ tutor you; help you. But you keep rambling nonsense. Do you even want my help?” He says annoyed, flicking at your temple, you gave him a glare.

“I am fine without your help! I dunno why you’re even helpin’ me in the first place.” You grumble some more, “I am helping you cause you’re stupid and you definitely need the help. Don’t want you suffering at Math like a dumbass.” Rin bickered, grabbing a protein bar that was left on the table and ripping the packaging.

You grumbled and mocked his words as a response. Irritated at him and his words. His words were getting to you and you lashed out at him. “You know what? Suffer by yourself then, I am not being paid to be your babysitter.” Cursed Rin before he abruptly got up from the dining room seat and started to walk away.

In your mind. You won. You won the battle. He wasn’t over your shoulder degrading you. But in reality; you lost. If he leaves the table and goes into his room or leaves the house— you’d suffer with your English homework. You need his help, so you swallow your pride before you grabbed his arm. “Rinnie wait!!” You pleaded, Rin only dared to deadpan at you.

“Now what?”

“I….I don’t want to admit that I need your help! But, I need your help…I promise I’ll be nice and take your advice and teachings seriously..” You cajoled your big brother, and the pleading eyes the three of the Itoshi siblings shared were everyone's kryptonite.

Rin only sighed before sitting back down in the chair he left a minute ago. “I’ll help you— just don’t piss me off again.” He says coldly, and with a cheeky smile plastered on your face, you thank him.

Rin leaned over your shoulder to review the situation you were stuck in. “You really need my help with long division? That’s so easy.” He scoffed which as a result made you breathe deep down to contain your snarkiness. “Of course, it’s easy for you! You’re good at everything…I am not the smartest person like you or Sae…I don’t understand anything.”

Glancing at you with disbelief he let out a sigh before placing his hand on your shoulder. “Don’t call yourself dumb, how many times do I have to tell you you’re not dumb? Quit making up excuses that you’re dumb because you can’t understand the material.”

“I...I am trying!—” You respond as your eyes begin to swell up with tears. A few tear drops made its escape and you hurriedly wiped them away. Hoping he didn’t see that...

“Don’t you dare cry? If you cry I am not helping you out for anything.” He says, crossing his arms against his chest. “I am sorry..it won’t happen.” He hummed in response before asking you what problem you’re stuck on and what steps you did to get your current answer. As you pointed to the problem and explained your steps, he stayed quiet. Listening to what you’ve done so far in order to catch your mistake. After you were done, he pointed out your mistake.

“You did this part wrong, If you fix that, then you can work backward from what we just worked on together..” He says with a nicer tone than before and you felt ease in your heart and brain, nodding you try and fix the mistake and took his advice on working backward.

He watched and stayed quiet, he didn’t seem interested in helping you but in his mind, he was critiquing your steps, “You did that part wrong.”

“What do you mean?” You exclaim. You thought you’d finally understood the problem and were finding the steps easier, but when he said you weren’t doing it right, you gasped.

“You did the multiplication wrong. However many the number outside can go into the number is how many you subtract from the number inside.” Saying this rather annoyed that you still didn’t remember the importance of simple math but still kept a calm demeanor.

“Do you need me to repeat every step again?” He says looking at you with an unimpressed facial expression, you shook your head, “No I think I understand it now..” You spoke softly, and as he waited for you to finish the problem, which took a bit, he glanced over your paper. His eyes became big as he stared at you, “Wow, you actually did it correctly.” He exclaims before patting you on the crown of your head.

“I did?!” You squealed surprisingly. “Yep, you did. Actually surprised me for once y/N.” He said with a laugh. “—Don’t be all shocked that you got the problem right, be happy you got it right.”

“I want to be happy that I understood and was able to solve this problem but, I still need your help with the other math problems I have…” Looking up at him with a pout plastered onto your face, he only sighed before continuing. “I can’t help you with every single math problem you may get in life. This is stuff you should already know, quit making excuses and just do the problems.” Rin lectured, crossing his arms again.

“I see…thank you Rin..”

“You’re welcome…but you need to learn how to solve things on your own..you can’t always come running back to me every time something happens..” He says with a sigh ending at every word, you look towards him.

“I, I know, but it’s hard to not come back to you every time because you’re the only one I have..”

He stayed silent for some time, processing what you just said to him. It caught him off guard but he knew something like this was gonna come up at a certain point. “Well, I am not always gonna be here so you’re gonna have to start figuring things out yourself.” He finally responds, getting up from the chair but before leaving the room; he put his hand on your head, scrunching your hair up.

“I am thankful for you Rin!” You say rather than complain about how he just made your hair messy, “Of course..you’re my little sister after all, we only have each other..” He says softly before leaving the dining room. You stayed seated in your seat, stretching out your hands before protecting yourself to complete these problems!

“You have to do this alone. You shouldn’t be relying on other people..”

“It’ll be more difficult later in life. You’ll need to get your head out of the clouds and focus on what’s important.”

You remembered. All throughout your life someone was with you throughout the way. Even if that just meant 12 years of it. You always complained about things being too hard and difficult but never tried to put the effort in. It was a wake-up call. You had to start putting in the effort.

An hour passed and now you were 90% finished with your math homework when Rin came out again getting instant ramen from the pantry. "Do you know when Mom and Dad will be back?" You ask, tapping the lead pencil onto the table and waiting for a response.

"Nope. You know them, come and go like the wind. They always do this to us.." Rin doubts that Mom and Dad would be back anytime soon, and disappointment filled his face. "I don't like them to be honest with you...It doesn't make sense for them to show up then leave right after.." Rin continues as he fills the instant noodle bowls up with water and places them in the microwave.

Your head rested on your hand, "As long as we have each other right? We don't need them or Sae.." Trailing off with the ending of your sentence in a exhale, he turned around as he started the microwave, crossing his arms on his chest. "Well, of course as long as we have each other. But, I'd rather have our parents be here as well, stick around and actually pay attention to us...we've never had that. Like, haven't you gone over to your friend's house and met their parents and notice that they stay and pay attention to their kids?"

You inhale a long breath, pecking your lips together. "I've never been over to a friend's house before..don't get any friends y'know.." Exhaling you didn't want to go there. Rin stood there dumbfounded. For him, it felt like someone punched a hole into his heart, he was in utter shock that you didn't have any friends. "What do you mean? I thought you had friends?"

Sighing as you looked towards him, "Middle school is the worse y'know... there are rumors going around involving Mom and Dad, and because of that, everyone excludes me." Admitting the downside of your experience in school, Rin's eyes became filled with sympathy as his eyebrows furrowed, sitting down next to you before saying anything else. "Are you getting bullied? I swear if you are I am gonna—wait, have you told your teachers?"

You nod your head, "I've tried but nothing happens. Even if I have the last name of Itoshi, they don't care because I am not Sae.." He only scoffed, "That isn't fair...what did your teachers even do?"

Shrugging your shoulders before going back to the math homework that you were so close to completing, "They said they'll just look into it, but it's whatever right?—" You inhale and exhale before continuing, "When you become a big famous soccer player, everything will be better!" Optimistic tones in your voice were sounded as you tried to bring light to a touchy subject.

"I am gonna look into this, my little sister shouldn't be treated like this. The school needs to do better." His voice was filled with a wave of anger, you didn't want— need for him to fight your own battles. Placing your hand on his hand, "—Rin it's okay, I promise. I've been handling them well on my own...I don't need my big brother getting in this.."

He sighs, rubbing your shoulder he looks at you. “If- if you say it’s okay. I don’t want to make things worse for you..”

“Thank you Rinnie.” You grin towards the teal-haired teenager who then flicked your forehead.

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munv · 4 months

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𝗜𝗠𝗠𝗘𝗥𝗦𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗜𝗡 𝗘𝗦𝗖𝗔𝗧𝗦𝗬

𝗜𝗻 𝘄𝗵𝗶𝗰𝗵, 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗵𝗮𝗱 𝗱𝗶𝗲𝗱 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗿𝗲𝗶𝗻𝗰𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗼 𝗕𝗹𝘂𝗲 𝗟𝗼𝗰𝗸 𝗮𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗜𝘁𝗼𝘀𝗵𝗶 𝗦𝗶𝗯𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀 𝗲𝗹𝗱𝗲𝗿 𝘀𝗶𝗯𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴, 𝗛𝗼𝘄 𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗷𝗼𝘂𝗿𝗻𝗲𝘆 𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗻𝗲𝘄 𝗹𝗶𝗳𝗲 𝘁𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂? 𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗴𝗼𝗮𝗹𝘀 𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗶𝘁 𝗹𝗲𝗮𝗱 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘁𝗼?

could you tell kaiser brain rot won? could you tell? could you tell?

September was just starting, but now looking back..you were already sick of it. Taking care of Sae was a journey in its own right, but your mother expecting a baby in possibly a few days? You needed some fresh air.

So that's exactly what you did.

At least..that is what you thought.

"Where are you going?" Sae's voice rang out through the living room. Staring at you with intent, trying to figure out what exactly was your game plan for today. Your Maine coon "Miko" was currently purring at your feet. She circled you in a way that made you feel caught. Which was scary in its own little way.

You shook a bit at the type of duo they both became, always seemingly to catch you in the act. "I'm going for a walk..I'll be back"

Sae gave you a stern glare in response "You said we'd play soccer this week" he stepped closer with each word before he was just inches in front of you. He looked up at you judgmentally. Miko let out a small 'meow' in agreement.

The sick little shit, you would have never picked her ass up from the street all those years ago if you knew she would pick sides. "I'm taking a walk Sae, and I said this week not today." You said stepping out of the circle Miko called home before putting on your shoes.

You ruffled his hair before opening the door, "I'll be back soon. Kay?"

"Hmph" Miko let out a dissatisfied mewl before trotting back on over to sae. "Alright love you!" You shut the door on him once again.. just like a particular chapter.

The small boy flushed before walking away from the door "Nee-San is so weird..isn't she miko?" The cat purred in content before making way to her corner of the house once again.

It was a random park, very random indeed. How you ended up in this neighborhood? Not even you have the answers to that question. You walked aimlessly, at truth. It was a little bit windy but nothing that couldn't be handled.

A few birds, a cat here and there, a small stall you picked up teriyaki from, nothing beats this type of routine. Which was the initial thought before your teriyaki was snatched out of your hands "HOLY-" The culprit? A soccer ball in all its glory. 'a soccer ball...just..took my teriyaki? am I finally reaching insanity?...oh my god, is this the world getting payback for not playing soccer with Sae?' what you failed to notice was that there was a voice calling out to you.

before you was a young boy, most likely around your age, with messy blonde hair almost completely spilled over his shoulders with a generous shade of blue to shade his eyes. He was only a little bit taller than you, but other than that he seemed worried at your downcast expression. If the boy didn't see what the soccer ball did to your teriyaki, he would have thought he hit your dog and killed it on the spot!

"Geht es dir gut? Oh Gott, habe ich dich irgendwo getroffen?!" at this rate he was shaking with despair and worry. Snapping out of your senses, you realized he wasn't exactly speaking Japanese, and by the time he finished spluttering, he probably had a self-realization he wasn't exactly speaking Japanese either. Now, you weren't any language on a star, but you were smart enough to know this kid was probably German or something.

But from the worry in his voice, you could at least pick up that he was probably asking if you were ok and a hint of extra sorry's in there. "uh.." you didn't have much to say, but being on your second life did have its benefits, for you studied a bit of french and german here and there. Though French was much easier you were grateful to have at least put a bit of effort into learning German. "Mir geht es gut, danke?"

The blonde boy looked surprised, which worried you by a hell tone. Did you say it right? oh shit, did you accidentally curse him out? he gave you a small smile before waving and picking up his soccer ball to run off to..wherever he was beforehand.

So, you lost your teriyaki, met a cute German boy, and almost got spiraled into the pearly white gates in the process by the same soccer ball that took your teriyaki; but..looking back that hit could have been a serious one, that kid had some serious potential to become a striker.

You've decided from the short encounter today that you've had about enough, and it's about time to start your mini trek home. Well, that was the old plan before you ended up looking at Google Maps. You weren't lost! no no, it was simply called..adapting to your new surroundings, you know. The little einsteins shit where they have a destination in mind but end up soaring somewhere weird. Maybe the magic school bus would explain this better, you know where you ended up where you wanted to go but got up in a small situation and lost. This was you we were talking about though! Not lost, just a little clueless.

You turned a corner and managed to spot the same little guy from earlier, you realized that you could've pulled out Google Translate but that would've been rude. So sucking in your ego, you approached the blonde boy and tapped his shoulder.

You weren't all too sure as to what he was doing, just holding the soccer ball and all but he seemed pretty lonely, and you were pretty clueless right now so it was a win-win situation. Not to assume he doesn't have friends or anything right?

He looked at you with surprise again, Jesus, it looked like he wanted to express himself so badly but just couldn't. I mean, if you were in Japan with little to no Japanese skills you don't think you would be able to speak German expecting almost anyone you meet to understand you.

quickly hoping to get this over with, you typed out something on your phone and showed it to him. Thank God your parents actually trusted younger you with a phone and an even bigger plus you knew how to use it properly this time. he looked back at the translation on your phone before looking back at you and nodding. He took it from and you carefully typed out a few responses, and to be frank with yourself, the boy you learned whos name is "Kaiser" suited him.

If only your Sae was this nice..you wouldn't have a stroke every now and then. he gave a small laugh to one of your snarky responses on google translate before finally leading you down a path, the more you two walked and talked (more like typed) the more fun it was.

something in the conversation went like "you have a little sibling?"

"yeah, i got another one on the way right now too."

"what's it like?"

"wouldn't you like to know?"

and some more that went into depth like

"it's ok to feel in the dumps yknow, but you should always carry some self-respect and discipline too"

"you sound a bit old, but..i'll think about it. thanks"

"i'll ignore the 'old' person comment and your welcome"

By the time you finished sharing your last laugh, you had arrived at your destination. Waving a small goodbye and a quick hug you made it inside your home with a small content sigh.

ITOSHI OMAKE "why."

Sae's face was adorned with a frown while staring at his mother, sometimes his eyes would stray down to the round belly she had, where his new sibling would soon come from. But that wasn't today's topic. His tone was demanding for someone of his age, and his father had to remind him sometimes of how he sounded, but he knew his son couldn't help it.

He was just naturally blunt he supposed.

He just needed to know why.

"sae, sweetheart..you're saying it as if your older sister isn't allowed to be happy?"

That's not what he was asking, and she knew that. He wanted to know the reason why you felt so off when he went to bother you earlier.

You weren't even gone for that long! Miko told him everything and those two have an inseparable bond, so he would know what she was saying, and she told him you met a male. Not a boy, whoever interacts with his nee-san is stripped of the same title as him. Therefore by default, he is above all those bone-picking fiends that have tried to come close to you so far.

With a huff he got up and marched his way upstairs with his cat companion, opening your door to little to no knocking whatsoever.

"who is it."

he questioned

you looked confused, of course, you'd be confused, whatever boy turned fiend it was, screwed up your perfectly healthy and beautiful brain that would help him with homework, and now you've taken a liking to it. He can't believe it! it was just a couple of days ago you rejected one of those things too!

Did they swarm you and infect you regardless by chance?

"Sae..what on God's infected earth are you talking about?"

"That's the exact problem. It's infected, and you've become one of them." he sighed.

what the fuck was he talking about?..

"miko, hold her down, we must bring her to her senses."

before you could react, a big white main coon had already jumped unto you and suffocated you in her fur as you wriggled for air. "WHAT THE HELL?"

Sae closed the door behind him as he approached your already struggling figure.

"don't worry nee-san..we'll fix you."

Your parents sat on the couch that day listening to screams and cries for the rest of the day.

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