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#its fine we move forward
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did so bad on my voice final today
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moonclans · 2 years
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ATONEMENT: THE INSIDE STORY ON THAT ICONIC GREEN DRESS: Joe often has a vision of a scene in his head, and he might not tell you the whole thing about it, but he will say, "Oh yes, it has got to be green."
Alicent Hightower in Jacqueline Durran's iconic green dress for #alicentweek2023. Commissioned by the incredible @its_vonross on Instagram. The frame is symbolic but for now I'll leave it up to debate. Reposts are fine but please don’t take off the artist’s watermark!
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opens-up-4-nobody · 5 months
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#ugh. im so tried. why is crying so exhausting? i havent done anything. this is bullshit#we went from a slow motion breakdown to full on freakout meltdown today#luckily no one was around in the lab this morning bc i couldnt stop crying#so i went to the counseling center and made myself their problem#canceled my committee meeting. which everyone tells me is fine. its all fine#think about going home for a while they say. maybe tell ur dad ur having a bad time thry say#but im so tired. and i dont kno what to do and its all falling apart#i just feel like im brushing up against the limits of what i can do intellectually and its like well where do i go from here?#what do i do with my old data? how do i move my project forward? whats the point of any of this?#why did i put myself in this position? would taking a leave even help? id still have to come back to the same mess#its just so frustrating bc theres no solution ill find satisfying. everything just sucks.#idk what my advisor even told my committee. bc we were supposed to meet tomorrow morning. ugh. it would have been so bad#it also sucks bc im so drained that i can just feel my own weight when im trying to talk to ppl#like u kno when ur being a wet blanket but u dont kno how to fix it. like srry my vibes r wretched. maybe im just stuck like this#i dunno. my dad invited us home for a week in july and also plans to come out to visit me in August. but that seems like a long time away#i dunno what im gonna do. what a disaster#unrelated
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lonestardust · 1 year
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9-1-1 : LONE STAR I 1x08 ‘Monster Inside’ : Owen and TK have a heart to heart.
#needed to bring this here because i can't stop thinking of their paralleling conversation here#and owen telling him about the hereditary illness 😭#'I can’t marry carlos knowing that i have a death sentence hanging over my head' and 'I can't fall in love with one more thing that i#know I'm gonna lose dad..'#vs 'son we all have a death sentence handing over our heads' 'there is no guarantees.. not for anybody.. It's okay to love him even though#you might lose him' and 'you're not going to postpone anything you're just gonna move forward with your life' 😭#Owen comforting tk when he's spiraling about lose hanging over his horizon. making him see the silver linings despite it all.. and actually#his growth this time of not having wanting to hide things from tk anymore.. telling him that he needs him as much as tk needs his dad..#this is so huge and they both deserve it#but also its the fact that tk also grew through his love for carlos and keeps growing more in love with him#— how he feels invincible with this love because 'it's infinitely more powerful than the fear of losing it' 😭#but those 48 hours are gonna put him and carlos through the wringer.... between the euphoric high of getting married and#the devastating low of potentially having their future together jeopardised because it might come with a time limit#thank fucK we know everything is gonna be fine other wise I'd have been spiraling so bad because THEY DESERVE A FUCKING BREAK#911 lone star#tk strand#911 ls#ronen rubinstein#rafael silva#carlos reyes#owen strand#tarlos#monster inside#1x08#4x16#Rob lowe
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uygfiug · 29 days
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i dont feel so good :(
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gromlyn · 2 months
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we r moving soon so I've been spending the past few days working on packing+getting documents submitted for school :') I'm very excited but also very anxious. I've never done a move like this before so I'm really glad ben is here since he has more experience with this than I do. regardless I'm drawing here and there but quite frankly I'm too stressed to really focus on anything but the move+school starting at this point 😭 I have several wips I'm actively working on but idk when I'll finish any of them. hopefully I'll be anle to work on art once we're moved in! we already have plans for an office/studio area so I'm hoping that a new space will be the creative refresh I've been looking for. I also can't wait to see how what I learn at school inspires me creatively :)
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kaisollisto · 5 months
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yuridovewing · 1 year
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Sorry to be like that but I’m noticing the parallels between Billystorm and Sandstorm’s deaths. They’re both the leader’s mate and died a tragic completely avoidable death far away from their families and are buried in a random unmarked grave where no one will be able to visit them. And how Billystorm is treated with significantly more respect than Sandstorm was.
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kwonhochi · 1 year
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i am going to need. lots of luck and whatever else it takes to survive tomorrow pls hope i dont have to deal with any losers 🫶
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sollucets · 1 year
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i am safely at my parents’ house and. i caved almost immediately and straight out told both of them im reserving the morning of august 12 for going insane in my room. i think all will be well
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dubiousdoctors · 1 year
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THE BIG SCARY
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aesethewitch · 5 months
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When I was a kid, we moved into a house that had a huge lilac tree out front. It was mostly rotten, and it needed to be taken down before it fell. It took a while, but eventually, it was gone.
Mostly. A couple years later, little lilac babies popped out of the ground in its place. My mom was determined to get rid of them, because she'd planted a beautiful flower garden there, and the lilac trees would overshadow and kill the whole garden. I insisted on saving at least a few saplings. She said fine, but I had to dig them out and put them in pots myself.
So, I did. I spent days digging little lilac bushes out of the ground and putting them into pots. Some couldn't be saved, but some could. When all was said and done, I had five brand-new lilac saplings. Seven or eight years old, and it was my absolute pride and joy.
Three died due to sun scorching, severe drought that no amount of watering could save, and perhaps just being moved from their place in the ground. But two survived, and I was awfully proud of them! I'd go out and talk to them every single day. I watered them by hand and made sure they were fertilized properly. I learned all about their favored environments, and I was determined to make sure they lived.
One of my mom's friends saw what I was doing with the lilacs. She asked if she could have one to put in her backyard, and I agreed on the condition that she take very, very good care of it.
It's now fucking enormous. I'm talking ten feet tall and bursting with beautiful purple flowers every spring. My mom still gets updates each year as they start to bloom, which she forwards to me. And all I can think is, "That's my friend! Thriving some twenty years on, there it is."
The other tree nearly died, too. It lived in a pot for far, far too long. I wanted to plant it somewhere in my parents' yard, but my mom was reluctant. Eventually, we agreed to put it in the far back garden. It grew okay for many years, despite the shade, but in all these years, it's never bloomed.
Last year, the massive tree casting massive shadows over the lilac and the garden cracked in half and fell. It tumbled into the garden, crushing part of the nearby shed and destroying a few plants beneath it.
It missed my lilac by inches.
The clean-up is long done. The rest of the tree has been cut down, and my lilac has full sunlight for the first time in fifteen years. It won't bloom this year, I know. But it's got new shoots up. It's taller than ever. I spent half an hour a few weeks ago praising it for surviving all this time, dreaming about its future and telling it how I believe it'll become the tall beauty it's always been meant to be.
I think next year, I'll see flowers.
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Ahahahah
I feel like shit
And im 99% sure its because I'm stressed
I always feel sick when im stressed
But the stress always gets worse now when that happens cuz of covid. Which makes me feel more sick.
Awesome 👍👍👍👍👍👍👍
#i took a covid test and it was negative#it doesnt help that when i told isabella i was leaving early cuz i had a migraine she was like “hopefully its not covid. thats spiking#again and several people are out right now because of it“#like. great. awesome.#im catastrophizing#i wear a mask at work. i dont get too close to anyone. my desk has a pexiglass shield around it.#im probably fine#but man#im one of like. 3 or 4 people there that wears a mask#and i KNOW these people go out and do a lot of stuff around a lot of people outside of work#cuz theyre always talking about it#the next few months are gonna be ROUGH#i know the point of the movie click was to show that you SHOULDNT fast forward through your life#but fuck man id like to do it just this once#like just let me fast forward til we're moved into the new house#let me skip all the difficult shit#hopefully my period starts in the next couple days so itll be pretty much done by the time we leave for Minnesota#that might also take care of some of my current anxiety#i better not get sick tho#i dont wanna miss work#at work i can just be mad at whoever put a million staples in one document#takes my mind off things#specifically imagining beating this person to death with a stapler#they just put an OBSCENE amount of staples in every document#like worstie this was not at all necessary why have you done this#ahhhhh#just 3 more work days til i leave#1 more day this week and i can sleep in#im sure the sleep deprivation isnt helping
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year
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#stumbling through one moment to the next like ive just been hit in the face#which is to say disoriented. punch drunk. adrift in a sea of mental vertigo#to steal a phrase: emotional motion sickness#i dunno. its just a very specific feeling when ive burned thru all my steam and am moving purely on compulsive action#like someones dragging me forward by the hair. i start to peel apart. im moving but without thinking actions into being#ill be in the middle of an action and my brain catches up. oh? where am i? what am i doing? ok i guess im on autopilot#thats fine i guess. and i start slipping out of my body. which isnt so bad until im trying to draw and then i cant bc my attention keeps#sliding away. i cant draw when im not sitting in my body.#im in the 3 day lul between taking measurements. this is my break. i say as i stay here from 7.30 to 5.30 bc of the other things i have to#do. and i haven't got the data ready for a meeting tomorrow so fuck the rest of my day i guess#ugh. i at least accomplished some things yesterday. but im in a standoff between saying fuck it and paying for an apartment vs waiting to b#contacted by student housing when there's currently a waitlist. i just wanna kno i have a place to go#also ive fucked myself over on another thing i havent done and dont kno how to start. uuuuuugh.#when i take my headphones off my brain has a lag that sounds like static and whispers#y am i doing this to myself? given the choice to make it better or worse i choose worse at each turn#so here we r. worse and worse and worse. have i fucked it all up? maybe so. well see#i have to go in tomorrow too. and i have a meeting Thursday. and thrn were back to 11hr days until Tuesday#then if i have to attend a birthday party my head might fucking explode#unrelated
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guinevereslancelot · 4 months
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not me forgetting i switched shifts with a coworker and showing up an hour early for work ✌️😌
#i am so stupid#better than an hour late tho#in a way im making back an hour of the time i took off for tomorrow for my doctor's appointment#but i missed an opportunity to sleep for an extra hour that i really needed lol#i love working closing shift bc i dont have to be in until 8:30 but im always middle shift on monday so i didnt even check 🤡#ugh#also a baby fell out of my lap when i was stopping another kid from pulling a different kids hair and the baby cried sm#and later he got a little bloody nose probably from that 😭#gonna kms#hopefully nobody is mad at me abt it but im so upsettt :(#we were sitting on the floor so he didnt fall that far and i kind of expected him to catch himself with his arms when he shifted#but instead he faceplanted :(#he's old enough to crawl and is almost walking so i literally didnt think he could have been hurt until he was :(#but i literally had to stop the hair ripping immediately bc that kid pulls super hard#but i should have taken the two seconds to move the baby from my lap to the floor#but i honestly didnt even expect him to leave my lap when i leaned forward i thought he would lean forward a bit and be fine#anyway#i hate myself#i love the kids but this job is a bit stressful#its like being a lifeguard to 16 fragile humans with no braincells or self preservation instincts whatsoever#and we dont have enough teachers#all day long they try to eat rocks and climb things they shouldn't and push eachother off of the tallest stuff they can get access to#and also bite scratch pull hair etc#the most violent kid is thankfully moving up to the big kid class next month thankfully#he literally hurts the other kids all day long for fun#this has been a shitpost#anyway i still have to close even tho i showed up for middlenshift so its gonna be a loooooong day
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yelloworangesoda · 6 months
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this got away from me
#i wish i was a rich pretty guy or something but instead im a regular looking regular guy with parents that earn regular money#i was born to be one of those annoying bratty rich kids who dont work ever. that should be me#or something. i complain about work constantly but guys i do not want to go to school. i dont. i dont. i dont i dont. i dont i dont and i#dont know what to do about it. its spring. ive got like a month to figure out how im getting out of this#im not doing this i cannot do this. i cant i cant i cant. im so stressed i can tell im so stressed bc im getting acne and my eczema is awfu#its only a matter of time before i break out in hives or some shit i cant do it i cant do it. i cant. i cant#god everything is really getting to me. i cant i dont have a place here i dont i have no purpose in life and everyone just wants me to act#like. thats not true bc um. well! haha what are you gonna do! haha its fine. keep moving forward. ignore your anxiety and the fact that#everything makes you miserable constantly. and even the things that make you happy make you miserable. ignore that#go to college. normal ppl go to college :) no you want to sleep all day because youre not doing anything. which is a personal failure.#you should instead do something that makes you miserable. thatll fix it. dont kill yourself thats stupid. you have so much to live for! lik#um. well youre supposed to live. so. ignore yknow everything in the world and push forward. bc it will get better! once um.#um. yknow. you graduate in 8 years? be a dentist…. um bc. you like teeth. and it makes money. and well you need the money! youre going to#college!!!! you need that money to pay for it after all. dont think about it dont think about it dont think about it dont think about it#its okay we’ll do everything we can to make it cheaper. to do the thing you dont want to do at all even a little bit. no dont kill yourself#you have so much to live for! a career in something youve never been interested in! or yknow a different career youre not interested in#i dont want to kill myself!!! i dont want to kill myself i want something to fucking live for!!!!!! a want a life that doesnt make me feel#like i have to kill myself!!!!!!!!!!#simons spouting#vent :(#suicide //
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