#its him. its the reason tumblr nerfs me

[thebomb-thebird-andtheburntbitch]

Mosaic

kaeya/gn!reader

genre: hurt/comfort, teensy angst, fluff

warning(s)!!!: hydro-vision/polearm-user reader (bc i said so), kaeya word vomits all over the place, kaeya also becomes self-aware of feelings and Dislikes that, kaeya also makes some poor choices in leu of those feelings, all is well in the end tho! he learns (and cries) (tayls is pushing the pathetic crybaby kaeya agenda and cannot be stopped)

w.count: 8.7k

synopsis: kaeya is none the wiser to the people around him and what it is they think about him- he didn't get his title of 'top candidate for grandson in law' for nothing. however, he never thought he'd get so swept up in his own feelings that when he does, he decides he has to put a stop to them no matter the cost. but can he really follow through with that?

a/n: i love when tumblr nerfs my banner quality but it's whatever. have some kaeya nonsense (fr take this away from me)

“A mosaic.” 

That was your answer to a question Paimon and the Traveler asks while you were meandering around the Favonius Library looking for a book you needed for some personal research. They had run into you there and a conversation about what some citizens of the City of Freedom embody had sprung up somehow. For example, Paimon was very set on saying that Master Diluc was a rock- set in his ways and tough to budge- and so on from there.  The ideas and objects tossed around were anywhere between insightful and downright silly. 

So, it was inevitable that eventually the trio would cycle around to the Knights. Jean was dubbed a Dandelion according to the Traveler and Lisa was crowned as an elegant bookmark that was so sharp it would cause terrible papercuts. Of course, Lisa’s object was picked ever so gracefully by Paimon even if it didn’t make much sense she was set on her answer, and nothing would change her mind. Then, when the personification of one Kaeya Alberich came around, admittingly the two Outlanders were stumped.  

Kaeya would always peruse around with such an air of mystery. Keeping important aspects of himself tucked so far away that very few people knew of his secrets- and they were tight lipped for their own reasons.  His smooth tongue aided him greatly whenever someone would ask about himself personally- spinning tales and weaving verses that got him out of any sort of personal interrogation. 

The trio knew if they asked Diluc, he’d give a short and possibly crude answer.  Jean would probably give him some illusion of not being sorted into such games and Lisa would just think you three were adorable and not give her two cents at all. You, however, thought on it for a bit longer and finally had an answer. 

“A mosaic?” Paimon mimicked, making sure her voice was kept down in the sanctuary of books. “Like the artwork?” 

“He is good looking,” Traveler pitched and it was true. Even people with aged or poor working eyes could see Kaeya was far from being an ugly man. 

“I don't see how him being a little ‘good looking’ is deserving of the title of being a piece art!” You chuckle at Paimon’s small fit of confusion. 

“Well, ignoring his looks, a mosaic is a piece of work that is made of small pieces right? It isn’t whole until it’s all put together. Just like a puzzle.” 

“So, he’s a glorified puzzle?” 

“That isn’t what I meant,” you shake your head in a small chuckle. You take a small trip to another corner of the library and run your fingers along the spines of different books before you grab one and easily slide it out of its spot on the shelf.

It’s a book on different types of art. Flipping the pages you find a page with a drawn on copy of a mosaic from another country. You lay it down on a nearby table and tap the drawing with your fingertip. 

“What I meant was the process of becoming a mosaic- how it’s created.” you trace the empty spaces of white on the page where the piece of the drawn on piece were supposed to connect to create a bigger piece. “Various pieces of work all put together to make one big picture. A series of events leading to a grand conclusion of hardwork and patience. Maybe it took a lot of time and work. Sometimes creating such a piece was so frustrating at times you wanted to give up, or maybe sometimes nothing looked right. But, by the end of it all- it couldn’t be anything but a wonderful representation of all those struggles.” 

Paimon floated in awe at your explanation and the Travelers playfully placed their hands on their hips as they looked at you. 

“You sure think highly of Kaeya, don’t you?” 

“It’s that noticeable, huh?” You chuckle a tad embarrassed. Your long-standing puppy-crush on Kaeya you’ve had since you met him wasn’t always the best hidden secret. In fact, you were almost positive that the Cavalry Captain himself knew you had a thing for him, but you were happy he never cornered you about it. 

“You’re a love-struck citizen alright,” Paimon rushed to the Traveler’s side in making slight jests at you. You shut the book you had used to try and explain your choice of object and rubbed the back of your neck as you ignore the warmth in your face. 

“Yeah, yeah, I get it.” You turn on your heel and walk back to the shelf to replace the book. Paimon had cupped a small hand around her chin before she was floating over to your side and asking you another question. 

“So, if Kaeya is a mosaic, then who’s his artist?” You look at her and blink a few times, processing what she was asking. You didn’t expect a question like that.  You cup your own chin in thought and after a moment, you laugh at being caught off guard.  

“I hadn’t thought of that.  I guess maybe Mondstadt itself? It is where all his friends and family are after all. Oh, and his job of course.” 

“That makes sense,” Paimon muses, seemingly satisfied with your answer. The conversation had moved from the shelves to the open space of the library and soon out the doors. As the three of you left, the topic of objects to people shifted to one of getting some food into Paimon’s ever empty stomach. 

The book you had previously replaced back on the shelf was easily slid back out by a hand adorning open finger gloves. Taking a relaxed seat at a nearby table, he flipped to the very page you had been on before and looked at the image himself with a small huff that twisted into a quirk of his lips. 

“How interesting,” he muses before reading the whole installment about that specific piece of art. After all, how could he not? 

The next morning was quick to roll around. After a hearty meal at the Good Hunter and pleasant good nights exchanged with the Traveler and Paimon, you were more than ready to head back home to rest. After a swift debrief on the commissions set aside for you today, you move out of the way and off to the side so you could flip through the four pages of individual commission information. 

A typical site clearing of hilicurls, a balloon transport, and two other sites said to be infested with abyss mages and mitacurls. Taking a deep breath and letting it out in the form of a heavy sigh, you roll your neck and shoulders. It looked to be a very physical day, considering the commissions alone were already enough, they were hardly close in range to each other.  

“My, what does this sunny morning lack that is making your shoulder’s slack so much,” the familiar voice of the ever lingering person on your mind spoke. Lowering your commissions and offering him a greeting smile, you watch as Kaeya marches his way down the stone steps of Mondstadt to you. 

“The weather has nothing to do with it, I'll have you know.” When he finally gets to your sides, he silently offers his hand out for your daily commission sheets. You hand them over and resume your small effort of stretching. His eyes quickly scan sheet after sheet before he’s clicking his teeth and shaking his head.  

“Having your run all the way to Stormbearer, to Windrise, down to Springvale and then back up to Wolvendom is just cruel.” The way his voice has that familiar lithe to it, you knew he only half meant what he said. 

“Maybe I’ll get lucky and run into the Traveler who can do me a favor by hitching me a ride on a Waypoint.” You quickly take your commissions back and fold them down twice before storing them away in your pack. Watching the sun’s orange morning hue fade into its daylight yellow was tell enough that you had to get moving or else you’d be rushing to get your work done. Kaeya walked you to the city gate and even across the bridge before you were ready to set off.  

This is practically routine. You weren’t sure when it started, but at some point, Kaeya had started meeting you at the Adventurer’s Guild after receiving your daily commissions and would insist on escorting you out of the city. He claimed it was on the way of his morning walk to stretch his legs, but you weren’t sure how much you believed him. You allowed him to do it anyway since it always set up a good start to your day. 

Getting a small amount of Kaeya’s time was something you would relish since you never wanted to impede on his busy schedule with the Knights. It was the small selfish part of you that wanted to capitalize on this so-called ‘alone’ time that lasted only a small piece of the day. 

“Be careful,” Kaeya always tell you and you always nod back to him a simple ‘I will’ before he would watch you disappear down the worn, dirt paths. Your first destination would be Stormbearer Mountain it appears. 

Most of Kaeya’s morning consisted of going over documents shoved on him courtesy of his position as one of the ten Captains within the knight’s ranks.  With sighs echoing in his private workspace every few minutes and multiple tempting ideas of sneaking out without even processing the paperwork, he finally finished and approved the last document before placing it in a file on his desk that Jean would surely come and snag from him later. 

Leaning back in his chair that would soon need the cushions replaced, he craned his neck to gaze out the tall window in his office.  The sun was much higher in the sky than it was when he had arrived earlier that morning.  His thoughts easily drifted to you and a frown found its way onto his lips. 

“Are you doing alright?” Kaeya delicately asked to the air of solitude around him.  You were more than capable to handle yourself.  In truth, if you weren’t already associated with the Guild and kept so busy by them, Jean probably would’ve scouted you for the Knights instead.  ‘Your skills are impressive, and the others could learn a lot from you’, that’s probably what Jean’s pitch would be. All true of course, sometimes the job of trying to train the lower ranking knights was more of a chore than a duty, once Kaeya would often get stuck with.

He'd be more than happy to spar with you instead any day.  

Steering his gaze away from the window and moving it towards the ceiling, he traced the wooden beams above him with his single visible eye. He sighed again- this time not because of his now finished paperwork. 

“Surely, they’d be in Windrise by now… right?” His fingers drummed against the arm of his chair before he was bringing his chin back down to lock onto his office door.  His paperwork was done, so maybe…

Two knocks rapped against the thick door and Kaeya’s posture straightened out of habit. A muffled ‘Captain?’ heard behind it.  He let his head sink as a small, defeated breath left his open mouth before correcting himself again. 

“You can come in,” he answered.  Guess his plans to sneak away were once again foiled. 

By the time Kaeya made it out of HQ it was already late into the afternoon.  Stretching after stepping foot out of the large entrance, he stepped down the short set of stone steps before making his way towards the front of the city.  You must be back now, or close to the city at the very least.  It had been almost the whole day, if you weren’t back yet he’d simply go on an unprompted adventure to ‘bump into you’. Luckily, there you were; standing in front of the Guild and talking to Katheryne once again. Although, the look of you was less than encouraging. 

While you yourself seemed more or less fine, just from the distance between the top set of steps by Good Hunter to you at the Adventurer's Guild Reception, he could tell your commissions had worn you out today. It was no wonder considering the distance between them. Your clothes had clearly been fixed prior to you reentering the city since the dirt and stains on them were a clear indicator that you had your fair share of roughing up. 

Kaeya can, and did mostly, dismiss this all, however.  It was the serious look on Katheryne’s face and the way yours didn't show relief after a hard day's work like it normally would be. He started making his way towards you and started catching bits of the conversion you both were having. 

“I deeply apologize, y/n, but it’s an Emergency Commission we just received.” The way Katheryne’s voice was coated in tension made Kaeya’s pace harden. When he had arrived at your side, his hand came up to rest on your back without his notice as he looked at the way you held your head in your hand like you were preventing an oncoming headache. 

“What’s the problem?” Kaeya made it a point to look at you- directing the question at you and not Katheryne. Your hand dropped and you sighed with a shake of your head before looking at him. 

“It’s nothing, just a last-minute Commission.”

“What? You just got back from your commissions, didn’t you?” 

“It’s an Emergency. I can’t just brush it off.” 

“Make someone else take it then.” 

“No one else is available.” 

“y/n.” 

“Kaeya.” 

The small verbal battle you both engaged in was empty and Kaeya knew he was playing a losing game. He let out a sigh before he finally turned to look at Katheryne who must have all the patience in the world for standing by and letting you both bicker until she was needed for something. 

“What is the commission exactly?” 

“Apparently, a Ruin Guard has been spotted near Springvale after a passing Adventurer accidentally triggered its detection sensors. The nearby residents are frightened it could march into someone’s territory and wreak havoc there.” 

Kaeya pinched the bridge of his nose with his free hand- the other still mindlessly resting on your back- as he sighed.  This is indeed something that couldn’t be pushed off for someone else to take. When it comes to those old machines, who knows what could happen if they aren’t swiftly deactivated. The Captain was at an impasse; letting you go after already being exhausted from running around all day or tying you to one of the Guild’s posts and keeping you there until someone else passed by that Katheryne could snag instead. 

“Fine,” Kaeya relented.  His hand finally dropped from your back and crossed with his other arm over his chest. “I shall accompany you then.” He saw you open your mouth- probably to protest- but he didn’t let you. “Ah-ah,” he tutted at you, “no arguments. Let’s get moving.” He uncrosses his arms to grab your shoulders, spin you around and lightly push you to get your legs moving. 

Luckily, Kaeya’s vision was extra compatible with your own. While your fight styles were different, the fact you had a hydro vision was very much a blessing. It was quiet easy work taking down a Ruin Guard that had been drenched in water then subsequently frozen. After picking up a few dropped items from the timeless machine, Kaeya had stood up and placed his hands on his hips as if proud of himself. 

“Aren’t you happy I decided to tag along now? We made quick work of that Ruin Guard.” 

You can only roll your eyes at the smoothtalker.  Still, you quietly laugh at his antics all the same. Finally calling it a day in the middle of the field you had previously battled in with him, you lay down on the grass.  You were already covered in sweat, dirt and other stains from your earlier commissions, so getting a little more on your clothes wasn’t a concern. You shut your eyes and took in the breeze you silently thanked Lord Barbatos for as you took in a deep breath, letting yourself decompress. 

Kaeya stood over you, moving so his boots were on either side of your head and he was looking down at your relaxing face.  With your eyes closed, you didn’t get to see the smile that was only ever present when you weren’t looking.  The moment your eyes would open, you would only see his normal everyday grin. And open your eye did and oh how lovely they were. The evening glow did wonders for their color. 

Evening. Yes, it is getting rather late now. 

“Are you ready to head back now?” He asked and you nod. Sitting up, Kaeya offers to carry you back to the city on his back- which you decline. That didn’t stop the fact that you reentered Mondstadt securely resting on Kaeya’s back as he held you up with a slight bend to his posture and firm grip on your legs. 

This routine would continue for as long as Kaeya’s luck would allow.  He’d be the first to see you in the mornings before being the one to walk you out of the city and if he was lucky, he’d be the first to greet you back (not including Katheryn). 

If Kaeya was lucky he would greet you back into the city and spend more time at your side.  Reporting in with you to the Guild. Running a few errands like stopping by to purchase things from Blanche or getting your polearm enhanced or repaired at the smith. 

If Kaeya was lucky, he would persuade you into getting dinner with him or dropping by the Cat’s Tail for some casual TCG matches when he was off duty. 

If Kaeya was lucky, the conversation between you both would be flowing well enough that even if there was nothing left to do, he’d be privileged enough to walk you home or come inside to continue occupying your time until you fall asleep or push him out the door saying that he had to get up for work in the morning. 

Today was not Kaeya’s lucky day.  When he got up this morning, his routine to finding you was practically ingrained in his muscles and when he didn’t see you at the stone steps, city gates or the Guild’s reception, confusion crossed his brows.  He casually took a seat on one of the nearby outside stools by the Cat’s Tail and waited until the time to clock in at HQ was growing closer.  With hesitation, he got up and looked around for you once more just to see if maybe he could at least catch a glimpse of you rushing around to get a (rather late) start to the day. 

He was antsy all day and he was astonished to find out that throwing a wrench in his morning threw off his day so much. Kaeya knew that seeing you first thing in the morning was quite a lovely way to start his day, but he didn’t know the extent in which it could affect the rest of it.  Not exchanging a good morning with you or even saying his usual ‘be safe’ message at the edge of Mondstadt nagged at him.  

Currently, he was sitting in a remote corner of the Favonious library, legs crossed as his rear was sat towards the front of the seat to make up for the fact his back was bent over the back of it.  He rests a flimsy, paperback book over his face, the pages scent of old paper and ink invaded his nose and the feeling of them rubbed against his cheeks. One of his hands held it open with his thumb and pinky and the other arm was hanging uselessly at his side, his wrist bouncing against his vision from time to time just for something to interact with. 

Underneath the book, his eye was closed.  He had tried reading the passages in this particular book at least four times now, but the words just weren’t registering in his mind, so he had given up. He was left listless; certain he could easily fall asleep in this very position at any given time. Of course, it wasn’t often that Captain Kaeya would get much quiet time to himself anyways. 

“Uh, what are you doing?” The voice of Paimon made Kaeya’s eye open under the book before he was pulling it down his face enough to only reveal that one eye.  Seeing Paimon floating at the Traveler’s side made him slip the book off his face completely and shut it before setting it on the table in front of him. His posture was corrected as he sat up straighter and rolled his neck. 

“Couldn't you tell? I was reading.” 

“Paimon think’s you were slacking off.” 

“Is that what it looked like?” He jokes as he pushes his chair back and stands up properly before placing one of his hands on his hips. “I would never be caught slacking off, you wound me.” 

“We’ve heard that before,” Paimon sighs with a shake of her head.  In the moment, Kaeya is reminded of the conversation he overheard before between you and the other two. The same time of day, the same location, the same two participants of that conversation. 

“Say,” he says to gain both of their attention, “what do you think it is?” Kaeya’s exceptionally broad and unprecedented question left the two Outlanders confused. The way the Captain could almost see materialized question marks float around their heads was comical before he elaborated. “I’m asking about my artist, of course. Surely you must have your own idea, no?” 

Both Traveler and Paimon’s mouth opened in shock.  

“You were listening?!” Paimon shrieks before she is shushed by other people in the library for her volume. 

“It’s rude to eavesdrop, Kaeya,” Traveler tells him as they cross their arms over their chest.  Kaeya fakes a gasp before shaking his head and shrugging with his arms up. 

“Eavesdropping? Why, I’d never.” He dropped his arms back to his sides. “I was simply in the area and didn’t want to interrupt such a compelling conversation topic. That would’ve been quite rude of me, wouldn’t you agree?” The looks he received were easily brushed off. “Anyway, you didn’t answer my question.” 

“Well,” Paimon started, “didn’t y/n say it would be Mondstadt?” 

“And? Do you agree with them?” 

“Paimon doesn’t see a reason why not,” she shrugs in the air. 

“I see,” Kaeya’s arm crosses over his chest before he’s resting his opposite elbow on it to cup his chin. His gaze shifts downward before he's blinking slowly, meaningfully. “I suppose I could give you half marks.” 

“Half marks?!” Paimon whispers. 

“What about ‘the people of Mondstadt?’” The Traveler interjects.  Kaeya’s eye shoots back to them and his hand drops from his chin to resume a casual stance. 

“That assumption is largely correct as well.” The smile he gives the two gives nothing away. It wasn’t clear if he was sincere about what he said or if he was just saying it to hear himself talk. “A mosaic is usually a large piece, yes? It would make sense for there to be multiple people taking part in such a project at some point I suppose.” 

“You suppose? You’re just running us in circles here!” 

“I don’t know what you mean,” Kaeya deflects with a lighthearted tone and short laugh. 

“Fine! We get it!” Paimon huffs before the conversation devolves into little to nothing until he is parting ways with the two, leaving the library and ready to end the day that seemed to have lasted longer than usual. Despite having a rather lax day, he felt lethargic. 

Yet, despite his lethargy, when he finally made it out of his day clothes and into his bed, all he could do was lay on top of his covers and stare at the ceiling. His eyepatch had been removed- just as always when he was in the confines of his home- and his long bangs covered the eye that was always so accustomed to the darkness.  One of his legs was propped up on the mattress with the other stretched out and his arms were folded behind his head. 

His mind was curious about a number of things all the time- so his racing thoughts weren’t unknown to him. Still, the nagging feeling in the back of his mind didn’t let up. Was not seeing you at all really that much of a clog in his daily life? It made him feel so off-set and that alone was enough to plant a seed of anxiety in his chest. 

Kaeya sighs to himself and his ceiling before rolling to his side and letting his bangs slip across his face and reveal his always concealed eye between the blue strands. He closes his eyes and wills his mind to stop dwelling on menial things. 

Heart and mind are difficult things to cooperate with one another though. 

Kaeya Alberich couldn’t risk getting mixed up in too many personal things- it made his future even more murky and daunting than it already was.  

After that one day of missing seeing you out before your commission, Kaeya tried to do it less on purpose. Maybe that was a message from the gods themselves that he needed to take a step back. If your very presence could affect his day to day life like it had, he needed to back off for his sake and yours. And while he didn’t see you off, he still would welcome you back any chance he saw you return to the city with a raised hand he would immediately tuck away again. 

“I didn’t do anything to make you upset, did I?” Of course, you had noticed his sudden shift in nature. 

“Of course not,” he tells you as sincerely as he could. His smile was strained on his lips and his nose felt like twitching from the sheer effort it took just to pull them up. From the unamused look you gave him at his answer, he knew you knew he wasn’t being completely truthful. Still, you just looked away from him and sighed. Kaeya was grateful you didn’t push the issue because a part of him was sure if you had, he would’ve spilled his guts about things he wasn’t sure of himself just yet. 

The process of slowly taking steps away from you wasn’t pleasant for either party. Kaeya’s days had devolved into nothing but more boring paperwork and patrols he could do with his eye closed, and that would mean seeing nothing at all. The dull lag of the daytime was boring to him with nothing to do between his job and downtime he suddenly had. The Angels Share's atmosphere was a welcome comfort to his new, unpleasant routine- though, he could do without the looks from Diluc.

Meanwhile, you had felt the sting of dejection in your chest. You had come to the assumption that maybe Kaeya had finally taken action on your unspoken feelings for him and was politely telling you to take a hike. It was logical to you; a common everyday Adventurer probably couldn’t make it work out with one of the Knights’ Captains. His previous time spent with you was probably just a hindrance, a distraction from his real work, so this was good. He could focus on what was important, protecting Mondstadt. 

Though, that mental pep talk didn’t make it hurt any less. 

Just like Kaeya, you decided to bury yourself in your work. Taking commissions on top of any other field requests. Clearing hilicurl camps wasn’t something difficult and while the occasional Abyss Mage was a pain, it was all manageable. So, when your back to back jobs kept you out of the city for days at a time, that slowly became the norm for the citizens of Mondstadt. 

It was only natural for no one to notice. 

“Has it really been that long?!” Kaeya had been passing through the central square of Mondstadt when he heard the familiar shrill of Paimon. His interest took little to be piqued and he easily strut his way over. “And no one has tried looking for them yet?” Paimon and the Traveler were stuck in a conversation with Katheryne as is the norm for them nowadays when their travels bring them back to the City of Freedom. “Oohhh,” Paimon worries, “Paimon’s worried.” 

“What’s the problem,” Kaeya interjects into the conversation. All eyes shift to him, his easy strides coming to a stop when he fully joins the group with his arms crossing over his chest. “My, what’s with all the long faces?” 

“Kaeya!” Paimon screeches. “Oh, maybe you’ll know! Have you seen y/n around?” Kaeya’s chest tightens. 

“Y/n? I’m afraid we’ve both been too wrapped up in our own duties recently. Sorry to disappoint.” The slight light of hope Paimon dawned dimmed and worry once again took over her features. The tension in his chest felt tighter, like a white-hot coil was entangling itself around his insides and replacing his ribcage. “Has something happened?” He asks slowly, making quite sure his voice doesn’t crack or waver. All his hard work to distance himself from you can’t unravel now; not when you aren’t even here. 

“We aren’t sure,” Katheryne fills in.  All eyes look to her as she repeats what she had just told the duo before Kaeya arrived. “Y/n had taken a rather dangerous commission the other day. It was a job that required them to explore and investigate some ruins that had been discovered behind a wall of rocks on Stormbearer. The commission should’ve well run its course by now, but we haven’t heard back from either the client or y/n, so some of us are beginning to worry.” 

Kaeya’s fists clenched, but no one took notice of them under his cross-armed stance. He made sure to keep his face from giving himself away. 

“Have you made the issue known to the Acting Grand Master?” He questions. Katheryne shakes her head. 

“No, we haven’t. We had had planned on bringing it to her attention if y/n still doesn’t get in touch with us by this evening.” 

“We should let Jean know right now!” Paimon insists and the Traveler easily nods in agreement. “What if they’re stuck in the ruins. Or- or hurt or something!” Paimon’s worry bleeds easily into her words like a fresh wound into water. 

“The last thing we should do is panic,” Kaeya said hypocritically. His gut felt like a boiling cauldron with panic as the main ingredient. Still, his many years of being persuasive and aloof didn’t let any of that show. 

Though, the off hand look the Traveler shot him made him doubt himself; they’ve been awfully diligent when it comes to reading him ever since his wild goose chase he sent them on not long after they arrived in Mondstadt. Or maybe it was just because they had more experience than he initially thought. Still, it almost made him squirm. 

“Well, we’re going to go tell Jean!” Paimon declared, her small hands on her hips as she bobbed up and down in the air. Kaeya just shrugs indifferently, surely not making any moves to oppose them. With a small huff, Paimon and the Traveler take off towards the Knights Headquarters. When they were well out of earshot and sight, Kaeya’s cross arms drop and his gaze moves to the ever-open gate that showed the wilds outside of Mondstadt. 

“Katheryne,” he almost whispers. “You said Stormbearer?” 

Your vision was blurred when you opened your eyes from your, albeit useless, slumber. You had long since tucked yourself between a small alcove of debris and rock in the ruins you had agreed to investigate. Had you known the person who had commissioned this job was some ruin machine-obsessed loon, you wouldn’t had agreed so easily. A couple ruin guards aren’t a big deal, but adding their mechanical brethren- so to speak- on top of a nut job maintaining them the moment you have to step away to recoup, that's when things get tricky. 

Your body had long since grown exhausted from using your Vision by excessively trying not to get killed. Luckily, the mad man only had his madness going for him, so hiding from his view was easy. Staying hidden from the machine’s censors was what worried you, but you had succeeded so far. Because of that very fact, however; you were reluctant to move. Beyond your weary body, hunger and thirst were starting to eat away at you too. 

Having been in hiding with no ample moment to even try fleeing back to the city for additional aid, you had run through what little rations you had. Your gut ached with hunger pains and your throat had never felt dryer, still you weren’t backed up against the preverbal wall so much you threw all caution to the wind. 

Your polearm had remained materialized as you kept it rested against your shoulder for ease of quick use should you require it.  Your vision had never felt heavier from its placement on your person and your hands cramped from how tightly you had gripped your weapon’s staff. You let your head fall back into the rock behind you and let out a silent sigh. 

In truth, you felt more foolish than injured or exhausted. You knew this commission sounded… odd, but you took it anyway. Anything to help distract your mind from the ever cloudy presence of Kaeya- or lack thereof. 

Your small sliver of respite you found in your cove of rock and debris was beginning to quake and crumble… literally. Your eyes you hadn’t realized had dropped back down shoot open and between the crumbling dust that threatened to get into them, you could hear the engines of machines whirring above you. You scramble to get out into the open before your previously, temporary safety could crush you. Though, coming out meant that you would be more vulnerable than you’d prefer. 

The moment your gaze lands on that familiar warm glow of the back of a Ruin Guard, you throw your polearm into its core, coating the blade with water from your Vision without much thought. The guard crackled with electricity as it malfunctioned and was brought to its metallic knees. Sprinting to its back to quickly retrieve your polearm, you made sure to use your Vision to drench its legs and feet just in case it got back up again. Perhaps the moisture would cause it to comically slip and buy you just a bit more time and maybe a chuckle or two. 

It was odd though, aside from the now jagged whirring of the jittering machine in front of you- there was nothing else. No crazed man trying to jump you or sick another random machine of his on you for whatever cause. It was in fact quiet, and that quiet put you on edge. Your brain knew you needed to stay on guard, but the silence was starting to lull your body into a false sense of security you couldn’t trust. 

Still, your mind that had been in fight mode for what should have been days now, had no chance against your weary body. Your grip on your polearm slips and the weapon clatters to the ground just before your knees did and your body slumped rather pathetically afterwards. 

‘If you fall unconscious, you’ll die’,  you mentally scold yourself. Trying to bully yourself into getting back up, keeping your eyes open, keeping your guard up. Still, your mind was beginning to feel as weak as your body. Thoughts swirled together into a mess of intangible words stuck in your mind and your sight was no better.  Perhaps it was your delirium and exhaustion, but your body suddenly grew cold and you vaguely felt goosebumps raise on your skin like winter itself had bloomed in these ruins with you. Among the changes you felt externally, you swore you heard a muffled voice too. 

Perhaps it was the mad man, the one who got you suckered into this stupid job. If it was, he could make quick work of you now since the last of your fight had disappeared taking out that Ruin Ruard core. The warmth you felt on your neck and cheek was the final thing you could mentally register before your body succumbed to its burdens.

‘Odd’, was the first thing that crossed your mind when you found yourself staring blankly up at a well maintained ceiling. You were sure that if you woke up again, and not gotten yourself killed or crushed, you’d be waking up to jagged rocks and mossy walls. So, the well furnished room you now occupied threw you for a loop- which your pounding head didn’t exactly take well. 

The room you were in was familiar, and you were sure you’ve been here before, but your foggy mind couldn’t process where you were.  The bed you were tucked into was soft and comforting, and with a wince the mattress gave when you push yourself to sit up. You were alone in the room and without much thought, you shuffle your legs out from under the blankets thrown over you to place your feet onto the floor and wobble up to your legs with the help of the bedside table acting as a- albeit less than desirable- crutch. 

The door creaking open was almost mistaken by you for the sound of your sore joints straightening out, as humorous as that was to you since you let a brief, lighthearted laugh escape you in a huff. Then, with your sights on the ground, you noticed a shadow casted by light you don't remember being in the room with you before. 

You follow the shadow along the hard floor covered with a single, purple rug until your eyes found a pair of all too familiar boots.  Your aching body starts to feel anxious- a small wave of gooseflesh running across your exposed skin at the idea of Kaeya being in your proximity for the first time in a while. Still, regardless of how you hadn’t been able to squash your silly crush on him or properly prepare yourself for a possible rejection without even confessing- you were no coward. 

With both hands tense on the bedside table, you raise your head to look at the blue haired man who had removed the fur, half-cape from his shoulder.  It was strange seeing how empty his shoulder was without the extra fluff the fur provided. Still, it was nice to see him in his entirety again since it had been a while. The blacklight of the space behind him made it difficult to see his expression since the lights in the room you had woken up in had been turned off presumably for your ease of comfort. 

“It’s been a while,” was the lamest thing that’s come out of your mouth in a while.

Of course it had been, you were both actively avoiding each other and practically the whole of Mondstadt picked up on it. Looking behind his shoulder you could only barely see corners of art pieces on the walls behind him and another rug that ran down the hall behind his heels.  “Kaeya, am I at your house?” You ask, finally realizing where you recognized your surroundings from.  

You’d been in his living room plenty of times visiting, but you had hardly been back in his room unless you were the one tasked with dragging him home from Angels Share and were generous enough to lug his body weight back to his bed. It was a rare occurrence since you were normally one to just dump him on the couch with a blanket and glass of water for his possible next morning hangover. 

Kaeya never graced you with an answer before he was marching into the room. His bootsteps seem louder than usual on his hardwood floors of his enclosed room, but maybe that was just the headache. His hands shoot out to grab your shoulders and turn you towards him, your hands that had been on the wooden night table were effectively removed from its surface and now Kaeya’s grip was the only crutch you had for balance before your brain could full calibrate standing without swaying again. 

“What on Teyvat were you thinking?!” He raised his voice and even in the dimly lit room with only light from the hall flooding in, you could easily see his expressions now. His brow was turned in a frown and his eye clouded with something you couldn’t pinpoint. It was a far cry from his normally suave and dismissive behavior. “Taking an obviously suspicious commission in ruins that hadn’t been officially investigated by the Knights? Seriously, you thought that was smart?!” 

His temper only made your headache worse and in turn soured your already not-so-great mood.  Reaching up to grab his arms like a hook for support, you verbally push back. 

“I think I'm capable of handling things myself, you know? The Guild doesn’t need the Knights’ to babysit them for every little thing, and as a member of the Guild that applies to me too!” 

“Oh yes, so capable you spontaneously disappear for days? Does that sound capable to you?” 

“It does actually because I was handling things just fine by myself, not that it makes a difference to you.” 

“You collapsed next to a Ruin Guard, y/n! What would you have done if it had restarted or if something else would have happened? Magically wake up and jump into battle again, because I have my doubts about that!” 

“What is your problem, Kayea?!” 

“You! You are my problem!” 

Astonished, you scoff before rolling your eyes.  It had been so long since you hashed it out like this with anyone, let alone Kaeya. It didn’t feel good, it made you feel sick to your stomach. Not hearing any retaliations from you, Kaeya guides you by the shoulders back against the edge of the mattress and pushes you to sit down again. You didn’t let yourself release the sigh of relief that you felt now that the weight of your own limbs was lifted- you wouldn’t give the Captain that satisfaction.

You expected him to let go of you, release your shoulders and march out of the room and maybe slam the door for good measure. Or maybe pace around the room before ordering you good enough to argue, so you would be good enough to get out of his hair. Out of the possibilities, the only thing that you predicted right was him releasing your shoulders. 

Kaeya's hands left your shoulders before sliding down your arms and dropping to the mattress edge on either side of you. You were stunned when he dropped to his knees in front of you and the pressure of his forehead resting on your knee felt heavier than anything. Caging you with his arms and using his head as an anchor on your legs he had effectively trapped you. You kept your hands tucked into each other by your stomach, making sure your knuckles wouldn’t brush even a strand of his hair and you could feel the thin strap of his eyepatch leaving an intent on your skin. 

“Kaeya,” you sighed heavily, his name leaving your lips like a weight. 

“I tried,” his muffled voice sounds weak that your gaze softens at the abrupt tone change. “I did. I tried to fix it, but my problem is still you and I can’t do anything about it.” 

“I have no idea what you’re-” 

“Tell me what to do.” His words that interrupt yours cause you to furrow in confusion. 

“What?” 

“Tell me what to do,” he repeats with a strained voice. “I have so many things I need to do, choices but I- I don't want to. So, do it for me.” 

“I still don’t know what you’re talking about. What does all that even mean?” 

“Make me choose you,” he sighs heavily before the hands of his that were placed on the mattress beside you move to lightly grab at your shirt like he was scared to touch you further. As if you’d push him away, scorn him for his actions and inactions alike. “Because I will. I just- I need someone- you, you need to-” His sentences never finish as his breaths become uneven. The hands that grip your shirt tighten to ball the fabric in his fists now. “I’m sorry.” 

Never had you seen Kaeya, the ever debonair Calvary Captain who kept all his secrets stored into his chest, kneel and subsequently crumble like this to anyone- much less to you. Perhaps in the past he never talks about, Diluc had seen him so weak, but that would be where the witness list ends. You lift your hands from your lap and hover them over his hunched body that clung to you like a child; you were unsure if touching him would set him off or if he would recoil from you. Your silence only made his hands that ensnared your shirt tug on the fabric like an anchor keeping a ship from sailing away. 

One of your hands reach to his head and your fingertips breach the blue tresses of his hair. His shoulders tensed and you almost snatched your hand away. 

“Don’t,” he mumbled into your leg. You weren’t sure if he was saying not to touch him or not to pull away. So, you kept your hand half in his hair and unmoving. 

You yelp when the tugging on your shirt flew into a harsh yank. The back of your knees that had previously been resting snug against the edge of the mattress were now well away with the back of your thighs replacing their spot. Closer to sliding right off the bed than comfortably sitting on it, Kaeya’s arms moved to wind around your waist and his face found a new home in your stomach as your arms hovered in the arm like a puppet's dangling from unused strings. 

You could feel the weight of his words fall onto your legs by way of the tears leaving his eyes. You could feel it in the way his shoulders shake and the uneven breaths that warms your lap through his mouth.

“Kaeya,” you softly start, “what has gotten into you? I've never seen you act like this before.” You slowly lower your arms and place your palms on his shoulders gently so as to not startle him; you weren’t going to keep them in the air forever, they’re sore. 

“I’m from Khaenri’ah, you know?” His voice strains as he lets out a pathetic laugh that’s damp with a web forming in his throat. He feels your hands on his shoulders twitch and his grip around you tightens so you have no chance of running from him. 

“Kaeya, what-” 

“My father abandoned me here with the intention of using me as a spy. I’ve only ever told Diluc, but when I did a lot happened and he left, abandoning me too. I don’t care about Khaenri’ah- not anymore- Mondstadt is my home. It’s where my friends are, my brother- even if he will never accept that role again. I can’t leave Mondstadt behind.” 

“I’m sure Diluc doesn’t hate you, not like you think. He just- he’s set in his stubborn ways and isn’t good at communicating.” You decide to speak only on his mention of Diluc, since the new information of the land in which he supposedly hails was still processing in your mind. 

Your previous comparison of Diluc to a rock briefly comes to mind at the mention of his stubbornnes. You nearly laugh at the thought, but now is definitely not the time.

“Please, please, make me choose you. Tell me to, order it of me, I don’t care. Just- don’t make me live without my artist. I can’t risk that again; I can’t take being abandoned again.” 

“Artist? Kaeya, what are you talking about?” You felt like you didn’t understand the words coming out of his mouth. 

There was a bout of silence after your question and the air felt heavy. You know Kaeya heard you, but he was reluctant to answer. Odd, considering the word vomit he had already coughed up in the last several minutes since he came into the room. Your hands start to move and lightly rub his shoulders over onto his neck, silently trying to coax him into talking more. 

“I heard what you said to the Traveler.” You almost roll your eyes because that could be literally anything. Does he know how often you get the chance to actually run into them and Paimon? He is just trying to dodge the question and by habit you lightly swat at his head. A silent, ‘okay smartass’ to keep him going in the right direction. He almost scoffs into your lap for that one. “You called me a mosaic.” Oh. “You told the Traveler that ‘Mondstadt’ is my artist; they said the ‘People of Mondstadt’, but only I know who my artist truly is.” His arms around you twitch and you could almost feel a stitch of pain in your side from how long he's been effectively squeezing you. “My artist is you. It’s just you.” 

The room is engulfed in a silence that feels heavy, yet... somehow also relieving. So much time recently had been the both of you dancing around the issues neither of you wanted to confront and all it took was you getting yourself into potentially mortal danger for days on end for the truth to come out. Kaeya knew you were someone important, but he didn’t realize just how heavy your permanent absence would be to him. Just the thought of possibly finding you in those ruins dead made his throat burn and ache like swallowing a ball of thorns. 

“Kaeya.” 

“I’m not lying,” his voice was strained, filled with fear of being labeled someone worthy of nothing. 

“I wasn’t going to say you are,” the hand that had previously tapped his head now rested on his nest of blue hair. The gentle strokes of your palm against his scalp were soothing as he felt your breath move your stomach against his head. “I don't see why you would lie to me right now.”  There was no doubt in your mind that everything that came out of his mouth was the unadulterated truth. You’ve never seen the suave captain bleed such vulnerability before. 

You didn’t say anything else to him after that. You move your hands to his arms, unwinding yourself from them before pulling him pathetically up onto his own bed. Not even bothering to fix your position, you fall back onto the mattress with your feet hanging off the edge and he easily follows you. From the lighting provided from the hall, you notice his eyepatch string had loosened from all his face hiding and you take it upon yourself to tighten it- securing it back where it belongs. Your fingertips linger around its material for but a moment before sliding down to his cheek.

His eye is brimmed with tears that had stained his skin with tracks and swelling. He also wouldn’t make eye contact with you, and you roll your eyes endearingly at his childish whims. With you both laying sideways on the bed, feet and legs hanging and not even a blanket to cover up with, your thumb run over his skin. Kaeya is quick to reach for and latch his grip delicately onto your wrist to keep it there. 

“‘M sorry,” he mutters again, sounding much more shy than he did before now that his face was in view of your gaze. You smile at him, knowing there was a long and meaningful talk in the near future. 

“I know. Go to sleep.” 

“But I-” 

“Artists' orders,'' you chortle. He just scoffs and offers his own eye roll, but his cheek warms under your palm. His eye closes and he let out a deep breath before taking one back in and repeating. 

“Stay until I open my eyes again.” 

“I will.” 

And you did. 

[addawithbalmiki]

Hey! I really like your posts about sasusaku and your interpretation of their relationship, it’s very similar with the way that I understand them, too. I’d like to know what are your thoughts about how their dynamic could have been on shippuden, since we had such few scenes between them, and what kind of scenes you would have added, maybe (aside from the fight scene that we all know should have absolutely happened, but the world was not ready and kishimoto was too much of a coward, I’m never forgiving him for that 😭)

First of all, thank you anon for this great ask! You have great taste ;). All of my ss posts are essentially my sleep-deprived thoughts typed on my tumblr screen because i use this site as my wip list :) It's great to see someone understand my incoherent wordings.

I'll keep the rest under the cut:

The problem with sasusaku is not a problem with the ship, but the deep rooted issue with kishi (derogatory) nerfing his own characters and throwing away their growth. As great of an artist he is, he's awful at execution of anything that requires extensive thinking. Add the underlying sexism (Japanese sexism to be exact) and you get the clusterfuck i.e., sasusaku.

I am a bit harsh on him when I can admit it must have been tiring to continue with this shitshow for ages especially when the publishers catering to the dudebros were pushing for better sales. If you compare early shippuden era to the later one, you'll be surprised at the lack of resemblance between the vibes. It's not easy being a famous manga artist of an anime like Naruto and I do hold some sympathy.

However, kishi is severely at fault over the romances in the manga. For someone boasting about bonds, the bonds between males and females conjured nothing but laughter.

Now, I'll be honest: I like sasuke and sakura before I like sasusaku and that's the entire reason why I started shipping them in the first place. Their characters are so complex and unlike Naruto, they don't shed these complexities in a last bid effort to be some sort of a savior.

I think a lot of people misunderstand both sakura and sasuke mostly because they don't look beneath the fact that she's a healer and he's an avenger. I find that interpretation weak and boring. Sasusaku is interesting to me because it's an unexplored story. Imagine taking a book out of the library, a rusty book with a solid spine, and when you open it, you find a delicious story that captures your heart. You turn it over for more only to find pages ripped off. Not all the pages are gone, but enough that you start finishing that book in your head, a lack of closure haunting you. That, my friend, is Sasusaku at its core.

It's soft yet cruel and we see them succumb to their worst demons and still you don't forget the only heartfelt apology bestowed upon to the person you've tried to kill. It's delicious!

I don't have any complaints about genin!sasusaku. They peaked there as a pairing. It was a perfect ending and while I have loads of thoughts on Sakura's character pre-timeskip, she was painfully human and normal.

Post-timeskip is... tricky. The problem I think resides with the lack of inner monologues given to Sasuke. It's almost like the creator doesn't know what he's thinking. While Sasuke doesn't hide behind lies, he keeps his cards close to his heart. As the story progressed, this got worse and I think this big mistake caused the entire series to suffer.

Dudebros might have been happy with Sasuke, but I wanted more Sasuke himself and less other's interpretations of Sasuke. I think that's why I prefer Sakura's interpretation of Sasuke: there's something honest and open about how she sees him. She loves him yet she doesn't hide him behind fllowery language.

Shippuden could have been a lot better if Sasuke's thoughts were shown. Continuously, I felt like the creator was trying to delude him because Itachi was a monster and he loved Sasuke, and according to the morals of Naruto, those two can't coexist. I would have dropped the entire Kaguya storyline and focused more on Sakura's role in the village.

Okay, okay, another pet peeve of mine: I hate it when Naruto is told to be Sasuke's brother. One of the best things Naruto gave me was the bond these two shared. Assigning labels cheapen them and while assigning labels to Sasuke's relationship with Sakura would have made SS far more exciting, Naruto and his relationship suffered for it. As a result, I also hate the reincarnation as brothers thing.

You know what I would have liked? Sakura taking up the position of a Senju in the story. Naruto doesn't need a half-assed Senju storyline when he already deals with his mom's Uzumaki heritage. Sakura, on the other hand, would have been perfect for it.

Until Itachi's death, there's no change. After, Madara informs Sasuke and starts spewing shit about Senju. Imagine Madara telling him that the current Hokage should be displaced. And then you can have an epic fight between SS (btw Sakura will lose unless Sasuke is at a disadvantage. As much as I love my girl, Sasuke is a better fighter. Sakura's skills are more in the research and healing department and as great as she is, she hasn't trained for revenge.)

I have loads of ideas lmao but a fight and Sakura's involvement with the corruption are two things I think would have made the series much more sensible and better. Oh and I would have removed the second confession scene and the subsequent genjutsu. Like only keep them if you want to show how traumatized Sakura is gonna be after that.

Anyway, sorry for rambling lol. I have a lot of ideas and no control over Naruto so my sadness knows no bounds.

[soconfusedwithmylife]

i love subnautica but dude is it buggy as shit lmao although! its one of its charms since its funky most of the time ESPECIALLY when its not happening to you. like i had a peeper stuck in the corner of my lifepod just rotating?? and it would close its eyes when i would come close or a shine light on it and open them back up when i go away or close the light. or like when a poor spadefish or boneshark gets yeeted across the ocean for no reason. is it funny to look back on a warper coming out of the sea to you like some fucked up little mermaid or a chelicerate busting through a ventgarden to attack you? sure. but is it fucked up in the moment? NO. the latter happened to my sister while i was there to emotionally support her on her way to get alan's whateverthefucks lmao. she loves and prefers below zero majorly over the og mostly because it was the first one she played and she grew attached to it over the beta,, she hates where they ended up with the finished product. i played like half an hour of it in the beta decided it wasnt for me. i get SUPER jealous of the seamonkeys and the mineral detector tho. ayoooo rip to you consolers but im different B) pc is superior in the way it literally lets you fuck around with however you want and you bet i Will Play God whenever applicable! what else do you play? also now that we are talking about games i have to tell you. i love you and and your writing. but the feelings ive felt when i read you put him in plat............. my boy should have been at least diamond from the start im still in tears from that chapter i still havent recovered to this day how could you do my boy like this. how could you doubt his epic gamer skills and gaming time management issues like this. please explain yourself before my entire life falls apart at your feet. also me, an adc main, reading "accidentally kill the large-"

my boy was holding it in by shEEr power of love. especially after they nerfed the fuck out of adc to the point mfs will be rolling up the lane with double ap or a fucking yasuo. why is there always a fucking yasuo on enemy bot lane. and why do they all share the same zombie braincell. yone did not die for this bullshit. and to answer your question it depends on where im sending the question from lol. like on mobile there is like a 300? i think? character limit while on mobile and something similar on pc if i go to your blog site and choose ask from your theme. but here is the thing. if i go to your blog from tumblr/user instead of user.tumblr, then click ask, it literally gives me the same box as if im making a post. so no text limit whatsoever and i can freely send pics and stuff, pretty neat B)

nah i think at the end of the day doing whatever makes you the most comfortable and happy regarding the uploads is the most important! i just liked having multiple days of something nice to me ya know? not necessarily the fact that it was split. and i love them both!! the reason i call it texas touya fic is because one, when i started reading tomura was still more like on the sidelines and it kinda stuck two, it rolls of the tongue easier than texas tomura i guess? but i love them both T-T both as texans and in general! oh and dont worry ill probably bore you till you tell me to go away or something and and and! have a nice day!

I almost wish my game was as buggy as yours sounds. It sounds hilarious and game enriching. Mine doesn't like to glitch up but that probably because I played on PS4 and 5. Right after original launch of plain Subnautica, I got to the lava castle but the containment area wouldn't load so I had to start a new save. Hours down the drain.

^legit me after going through the entirety of the game again. Reapers, warpers, ghosts, and sea dragons biting chunks out of my ass all over again. But it was soooooo fun. It's one of my fave games.

OMG the backseat support gamer!!! I had one of those too for my second play through of oh Subnautica! Good on you to emotionally and psychologically hype your sister for the spookiness. I really liked below zero the first time I played it since I was just super hyped to have more Subnautica period but playing them again, you can definitely feel a substantial difference in atmosphere and replayability. Below zero just felt cramped and not as scary while Subnautica was open to terror from any direction. I totally understand your first experience being your favorite though. Whoa! You played it in the beta??? That's awesome! I'm but a lowly console peasant (until I get my PC fixed 😈) so I had to wait for console release.

OMFG DUDE. I was literally going to make him diamond II or even master BUT I didn't want a mega mind gamer in the comments to be like "erm, tomura wouldn't be diamond. It's hard to get to diamond!!11!" So I lowered his stats and you know what's CRAZY?! Me and a friend were talking about this exact issue and she brought up how he should have been at least diamond and I said the exact same story lmao. So I will go back and edit him into diamond 💀 he deserves it. The CS steal is so real 😔 so uncalled for. So unsophisticated. Okay but playing yasuo is fun, going against a yasuo is cancer. The wind shield is op. (When I'm playing against a yasuo) but sucks balls and blocks nada when I play him. (It's a zombie braincell hivemind that we all take turns with)

You're a Tumblr pro dude. 💀 I hadn't used it since 2015 so I'm still getting the hang of it (it doesn't tell me when I get notifs btw so I'm sorry for leaving you hanging for TWO WEEKS)

It legit means so much to me that you find so much joy in my writing and have stuck with it even with the long periods between updates. I appreciate you and the time you put into talking to me. It means a lot to me and you're the coolest anon I know.

Oh! And other games I play are pretty much anything 💀 I try to not get into competitive games like overwatch, Apex, or CSGO because I get EXTREMELY competitive and start screeching like a wounded animal. I used to play league religiously until my PC broke and my laptops can't run it (it can but it's like I'm either crashing or playing on PowerPoint) so I'm saving to get a new processor so I can play again! I mained ADC (jinx and Ashe, sometimes Tristana) or Annie on mid (LOL) BUT other than those, I prettyuch like anything. My fave games are Horizon Zero Dawn, Fable 2, Binding of Isaac, Assassin's Creed 2, and Minecraft! I play lots of survival games like ark, the forest, 7 days to die, and so on. I like simulation games Sims (obviously), house flipper, power wash simulator or even farming simulator 💀. You name a game, I've either played it or know about it.

They are my loves. They are my special boys and I care deeply for their fictional existence. As Texans, futuristic jerkwads, and in general.

No way will you ever bore me. If anything, I'll bore you

ANYWAY I will literally talk forever if given a chance 😬 thank you for talking to me! I'm always so excited to hear from you! I consider you a good friend at this point. How long has it been? Like 3 months? Maybe more???

[pistolslinger]

@appleyed​​

[edwardslostalchemy]

Me: okay I'm going to blacklist all the tags of the ships I don't want to see because they stress me out and I don't like them.

Tumblr: *proceeds to send me blog and tag recommendations of these ships i have blacklisted because its Edgy* Yeah so we decided this is what you like.

[sebastianshaw]

Anon, for some reason Tumblr isn’t letting me reply to your ask so here it is!

“Anonymous asked:

yeah duggan's writing is my pet peeve cuz he keeps using the "female character goes against male character and wins" trope but has the win not reached through sheer skill or legitimate cunning. it only happened because the male character, who had been known to be very competent, gets nerfed to the ground. that win only happened because the writer had to nerf the guy so he'd be on the same level as the girl and let her have a chance at winning. it's the most insulting thing for both characters”

 I have beat this dead horse into glue at this point, but due to my English lit essayist major background, I have to make a lengthy reply to anything on the subject of writing. I'm putting it under the cut for the sake of my followers, because my GOD the poor dears don't need to put up with me yelling about this on their dash again---



I've said it before and I'll say it again, Duggan is a lot like those angry dudebros who angrily criticize a version of feminism as THEY understand it, which is that all women are perfect and always win and are always right and never challenged and all men are either useless at best or mean stupid sexist strawmen for them to prove wrong effortlessly. Which. . .ain't it, or at least it's not supposed to be, but that's what they think. And I think Duggan thinks that too. He just treats it as a GOOD thing and writes his "feminist" take accordingly. His understanding of how to do a "girl power" book is about the same as mine at the age of nine when I didn't even know the word "feminism" but definitely already had those leanings. But Duggan's not nine years old. I wish I could give him credit for trying, but when the result is such a poorly written mess, I wish he hadn't. And ironically, really sexist and racist? The characters of color are sidelined egregiously for the lead white women, the trauma of queer men, including men of color, is brushed under the rug for the sake of retconning in Much More Important trauma for wealthy white women who didn't have it before, the white saviorism reeks with the Madripoor bit, Lourdes had ironically LESS agency in this take, and even Duggan's fave, Emma, is damaged by this---her complexity is greatly reduced in his effort to sanitize her past so she was Always An Ally to Women and did good deeds for no return even during the height of her villainy, and he disrespects her completely with that "I need to flash four men to influence their minds more easily despite the fact I controlled whole crowds without effort in the past" pervy bullshit. Like. Just gross. And bringing it to a politically-neutral issue, even if he WEREN'T trying to be "feminist" and failing, this is still just Bad Writing because a VERY basic rule of writing is to challenge your protagonist. A story is only as good as its antagonist at the end of the day. The antagonist doesn't need to be a person---it can be a situation, the environment, or the protagonist to themselves---but whatever it is, it has to challenge the protagonist. If a hero just overcomes everything with little or no effort, there's really no tension or stakes, which makes for a poor story. When I read a book or watch a movie, I know LOGICALLY that the hero is going to survive and win (unless it's a tragedy) but I need to wonder HOW. Even children's stories understand this. And in order for these stakes to exist, the antagonist has to be competent. You can certainly have a comical antagonist, but unless you're actually writing a comedy where the joke is the antagonist constantly failing, they still need to present a threat. Like, Don Karnage in TaleSpin is funny as hell and really ridiculous and I love him, but he also genuinely has the heroes on the ropes a few times. And Shaw is a character that, though he is really funny, also has a history as extremely cunning and capable and powerful, as well as having been mostly or wholly immune to telepathy for YEARS now. Which makes him a great foe for Emma. Giving her a foe who is as cunning, manipulative, influential, and ruthless as she is, whom her psychic powers and diamond form are useless against, is a GREAT challenge. And a challenge would force her to really pull out all she's got. We'd get to see her at her best, because she'd have to work her hardest to combat him at his best. If a master martial artist is attacked by a common street punk, the fight isn't really interesting or impressive, because the master doesn't have to do much to win in a second. If the master martial artist has to face another master, then we get to see them struggle, and they're forced to display their best moves, which is far more impressive. In robbing Emma of a capable opponent, Duggan ironically screwed her too despite obviously wanting to elevate her at Shaw's expense, while also disrespecting the characterization of one of the X-Men's oldest foes who was a major player in their most iconic story. It's bad feminism. It's bad writing. Even if you're NOT a feminist or looking for a feminist story, it's shit. And if you ARE, then it's also shit. I really don't know who liked this except for fans who think like Duggan, which unfortunately I think there are a lot of right now; feminism has gotten more popular, but a lot of people's understanding of it is a lot more shallow and watered-down as a result imo. But that's another topic.

[ofherlionheart]

teen wolf 👀

HAHAHA you're really sending me to the root of my personhood with this one

blorbo (favorite character, character I think about the most): bro i think it was lydia martin. i thought abt her so much i wrote a scydia fic. who tf even shipped scydia?? no one it was all stydia or allydia. god i forgot how bad these ship names were

scrunkly (my “baby”, character that gives me cuteness aggression, character that is So Shaped): scoot mccute for suuuuure tho i think me now would have more nuanced takes/understandings of his character than me then lol

scrimblo bimblo (underrated/underappreciated fave): boyd! baby did not get any character development :( i didn't think much of it when i was actively watching the show but me now is like. bro. we knew NOTHING abt that man (#charactersofcolordyingfortheWhiteMantrauma)

glup shitto (obscure fave, character that can appear in the background for 0.2 seconds and I won’t shut up about it for a week): cora hale jfc i was so excited for her and then she got nerfed, like, 5 eps after appearing. what the actual shit. why did jeff davis get bored with his own characters so quickly

poor little meow meow (“problematic”/unpopular/controversial/otherwise pathetic fave): jackson "where. do you get. your JUICE" whittemore. one of those characters i want to just be unapologetically the worst b/c it's funny as fuck

horse plinko (character I would torment for fun, for whatever reason): chris argent. exhausted dilf was such a good look for him

eeby deeby (character I would send to superhell): derek hale b/c it be so fckn funny. mans cannot catch a break, ever. it's canon law

send me a fandom and i'll tell u what tumblr meme award i'd give its characters

[stxleslyds]

Yo what is or isn't important in a character's history is both subjective and up to time. And there are Roy fans who enjoy elements of the run. The depiction is both popular enough and well known both in a love it and hate it way that it has shown up in other media like TeenTitansGo. It is all over tumblr tiktok twitter. Like do you think people who dress up as Roy aren't Roy fans just because it is a version of Roy you dislike. Way to gatekeep.

Hey there Anon.

“what is or isn't important in a character's history is both subjective”

So, you understand that @rcyharper making a reading guide for Roy that doesn’t include the New 52 runs and other stuff that they don’t particularly like is valid? Because like you said, the importance of some events is subjective and they seem to not think it is important enough to be there, and I just simply agreed. I dislike Roy’s character in New 52 but most of all I really don’t believe those events are important to know or understand Roy.

“The depiction is both popular enough and well known” and “It is all over tumblr tiktok twitter”

If they are well known runs and the character of “Roy” is recognised through those books, why is so incredibly necessary for them to appear on a guide from someone on tumblr? People have the knowledge of its existence and have apparently read it, so there should be no need for it to be mentioned in a guide if you already know about it. Maybe the people who like and know of New 52 Roy find that guide and find some other books that might interest them.

“Like do you think people who dress up as Roy aren't Roy fans just because it is a version of Roy you dislike. Way to gatekeep.”

I never said that. You did just now. I never mentioned people cosplaying or anything, I was talking about people attacking someone over not putting an era that they deem “not important” in their very own guide. @rcyharper didn’t have to make a guide, they just did it and it is helpful and beautifully made.

We are not gatekeeping Roy by saying that the guide is okay without the New 52 included, we are just agreeing with them over it not mattering. If it matters to you or any others that really want to see the New 52 runs mentioned then you can do it yourself.

The guide, rcyharper and I are not gatekeeping, we are just talking about the things that we don’t like, in this case New 52’s version of Roy Harper, Lobdell’s terrible writing and the character assassination that he put two old and beloved characters through just to lift up his very own version of Jason Todd. That’s the way we see it and that’s all there is to it.

“Doesn't moving on mean accepting the past and acknowledging that it impacted people differently.”

I suppose this is in relation to me saying that “New 52 RHatO fans need to realise that the run they like so much isn't relevant for anyone except for Jason. Jason has barely mentioned Roy in this new DC era, so it is time to move on.”, if it is, when I said moving on, I mean it from filling someone’s inbox because you don’t agree with their reading guide. There was no need for people to come so hard over a guide that was made by someone that likes a character an wants more people to get to know the character that they enjoy.

And while I do agree that characters and characterizations impact people differently, I also feel like most people don’t realise how much harm was done to Roy’s character and for nothing. From a narrative point of view there was no need (or reason) for Roy to have his addiction, family interactions and friends retconned away.

Everything that made Roy was taken away from him so he could be a second to a practically new character. Roy was nerfed in every sense, he was aged down (seemingly), dumbed down, and they took most of his expertise away.

In RHatO vol.1 Roy looked like he had been on the job for two years and that Jason was better than him at team work and all that. How is that fair for a character like Roy who has been in comics since 1941 and that has had fans of his Arsenal persona ever since 1993.

New 52 RHatO’s Arsenal was not the Roy that people were fans of. You like that depiction of him, amazing! But some people don’t and they have valid criticisms of the new characterization because they believe that it actually hurts Roy’s character and the progress he had made as a character. Roy used to be in the Justice League and he led the Titans and Outsiders, but in New 52 he was a random ass dude that didn’t know what to do if Jason Todd (who was first introduced as Red Hood in 2005) didn’t hold his hand. At the time Jason was new to the “leader” role and he was not a team player either.

“That some people like a thing and will as a result spread it or want new interpretations of it.”

Yes, some people want characters to forever be ever-changing, some others want their favourite characters to go back to being the established characters that they were and then build from there. And that view from things is also valid.

Anon, you are trying to protect the view of the readers that enjoy New 52 Roy but pre-New 52 Roy fans also want to enjoy the character and share it where anyone that is interested in that interpretation of the character. One thing isn’t above the other, and we, as the fandom, can co-exist. What is hard, is to make one of the two versions of Roy stay in comics’ canon. So far Jason is a mix of his pre-New 52 self and his Rebirth self, because people tend to forget that New 52’s Roy was retconned a second time within that era due to Titans Hunt. There Roy and the others found out that time was stolen from them and that they had been a team.

So New 52 Roy as he was in RHatO will be hard to find in “Infinite Frontier”. The Roy that had no friends before Jason, who didn’t know Kory before New 52, who hated Dick Grayson for no reason at all, who didn’t know Donna or Jade, he doesn’t exist anymore. He was retconned away already. And now in this Infinite Frontier era, that is just a continuation of Rebirth, Roy remembers and acknowledges his life before Titans Hunt and New 52 altogether.

So, Roy is set on a different path, yes. But some of his oldest fans are seeing the Roy that they liked back, the Roy who was a Titan, a leader, an excellent hero and (most importantly) a father, back and they are enjoying themselves.

“Or just being able to talk about it instead of acting like it doesn't exist.”

Hmm, I guess here we will have to agree to disagree. I will pretend something doesn’t exist if I don’t like it. I am a Jason Todd/Red Hood stan but “Battle for the Cowl” and “Batman and Robin” (vol.1) didn’t happen and I will die on that hill.

Also, many RHatO fans act like Roy didn’t exist before that run so, if they can think that way and build a Roy from there, then, pre-New 52 Roy fans can avoid talking about New 52 in its entirety and there should be no problem.

We like what we like, and while I can be respectful of other’s opinions, in my blog I talk about whatever I want. You can ask me however many things you want about New 52 RHatO and I will answer them (I have read that run too many times) but I will always have a little edge there because I am not a fan of the run, the writer(s), the stories or the characterizations.

“Lots of characters have bad runs and bad stories and people can still acknowledge their presence in the character's history.”

That is true. But just like you can acknowledge them you can also avoid them. The point here is to enjoy the characters, so if you come to me and another Jason Todd fan and you ask for a guide or a list of our favourite books, we will surely recommend different stuff. After you get all that, you yourself will choose what to read and what characterizations you like the most. And that will be just as valid as whatever I think.

-

We don’t want to make a divide between Roy fans, the de divide is already there, just like in any fandom but you can’t suggest that we are gatekeeping Roy because someone made a guide that didn’t include a “popular” run and I happened to agree with it.

We just don’t like RHatO, in my case, I hate it. I hate it for both Jason and Roy (and Kory).

[angeloncewas]

This just confirmed an idea i already had which i guess it solidifies it but anyways

So like during the lore drought in Summer I got into Hermitcraft bc why not and I was back into my MC interest, seemed fun and i was promised no lore to the extents of the DSMP (which side point, very funny Season 8, the season many of us got into it is the season of the whole everything going down. So that was a lie/lh)

But before that, we all know the Build Mart discourse and the tension around it. So before I was into the series, that whole shyebang got a little iffy with some SBI blogs and Trafficblr blogs, who at that time were mainlt SBI blogs and slowly mainning Trafficblr, but most ppl who are fans of dream in Tumblr can agree that those blogs are mostly neg about him, so much that I, anon-Dream (not saying which person but they he's from the Feral Boys)main could see as clear as water.

But okay, sure I got into that section bc of Last Life and slowly switched to Hermitcraft and followed some Trafficblr blogs and hey, they dont seem so bad, maybe I was wrong..

NOPE! Past existences that happened while I was/am in there like the Dream and George neg for the Minecraft mob vote as if other mcyters haven't done that, more Build Mart shit bc ugggghhhh. why does Dream hate it so much he obviously hates Grian 🙄 Noooo Grian doesn't like Parkour Warrior and Battle Box! Those games must be eliminated! Screw Dream even if he isn't the only player cracked at those games! Screw the DTEAM even if more players are good at Battle Box 😱 IGNORE HOW WE COMPLAIN ABOUT DTEAM FANS COMPLAINING ABOUT IT EVEN IF WE ARE DOING THE SAME AND ARE HYPOCYTAL AND WE DONT LIKE TO ADMIT IT/ WE SAY ITS ONLY SEXY WHEN WE DO IT AND ARE A BIG PART OF THE TOXICITY OF MCYTBLR 🤣, when other teams in mcc trash talk Dream in mcc they are cool but when Dream does it he is toxic, he needs to lose more often so my faves can win even if he were to do that we would complain how he lost on purpose as if our cc's cant win legit, Dream is a toxic player even if with new members in his team he coaches them kindly only getting toxic with his friends of literal years, almost decade, Dream is too cracked at mcc he needs to be more nerfed even if he worked for years for those abilities and can't be good at every MC skill like building just like your ccs can't be good at every skill they do like maybe pvp or speedrunning techniches-

All of that and tonight's instance just solidify my opinion that Hermit and honestly most of Trafficblr are the dttwt users of Tumblr, the awful ones. Like they said the 2019 Grian fans were like the current dsmp fans who are really toxic but that their community has gotten better over the years. Yeah that progress was undone bc they are acting just like 2019 toxic Grian fans.

Current Trafficblr 🤝 Beeduo/Dteam twitter mains

Acting like 2019 Toxic Grians fans

They are the thing they hate the most aka dream stans lmao

THE BIG PARAGRAPH IN THE MIDDLE WITH THE EMOJIS SENT ME FOR SOME REASON 😭 I get what you're saying though fr.

I think one of the quickest things to breed toxicity is a sense of superiority. When you feel like you have the high ground, it's easier to look down upon others and harder to look within yourself. We saw it with general mcytblr during the escapee era; everyone constantly was on about mcytblr's supremacy over mcyttwt and completely failed to recognize and come to terms with flaws in their own behavior. I think that's some of the problem with trafficblr/hcblr - because the dteam side of the mcyt fandom is such a hot mess (and I as a Dream-main will readily admit that) they believe they're above it. Hell, I did too! I lowkey idolized (very lowkey, but still) the hc blogs for their chillness. But that's not how this is. We're all just people in fandoms and as such we're very much alike in a lot of ways. Their ccs rage and trash talk and falter and so on and so on just like the ones I enjoy do, but because they have that false-bottom pedestal they rag on "our side" for it and don't care to consider theoretical hypocrisy.

This isn't every hc fan/trafficblr member - my dash is HIGHLY hc focused nowadays bc in the midst of the lull a lot of people I follow switched over - but I think it's worth considering. I am always ready to talk about the problems with the parts of the fandom I'm in, even when I myself don't agree with the criticisms, but I just don't see that energy shared and swapped among them in general. I don't know if I'd call them "awful" like you because my experience with them as a whole has been incredibly limited (and usually incredibly negative because those are the ones who tend to cross over) but I'm very sorry that's been your experience.

[kawaiijellymonster]

Okay so I have a kind of crazy idea/thought. As you may know, I have a complicated relationship with religion. I was raised christian, I hate it, I also hate that it’s so incorporated in my brain. My thoughts on religion have often been summed up as “it’s pretty much russian roulette, you pick a religion and maybe its the right one and hooray you get the afterlife you want, but more likely you pick the wrong one and you’re fucked” which is incredibly stressful for me so I pretty much threw it all out.

However, recently I had a conversation with a friend about the definition of and uses of religion because I had a co-worker say “you have to have something to pray to or it’ll drive you mad” and I read a fic that will come into play later, and I read a story here on tumblr that made me think about it some more. 

Put very very simply, I want to create a religion and I need help because my adhd brain won’t let me focus. 

So the first thing when you start any endeavor is to define what you’re doing. In this scenario I am trying to define religion. Now, a while ago my friend used to ask the science teachers at school “why” questions until he pissed them off enough they passed him to the next teacher, and finally the new ap environmental teacher said “Science can only answer cosmic ‘how’ questions, Religion is for answering cosmic ‘why’ questions” basically saying “no I can’t tell you why gravity works (bc that's religion), but I can tell you how”. So if I’m creating a definition religion it needs to have the capability of answering all cosmic why questions. 

Therefore: “Religion is a humans attempt to understand and explain life, existence, and purpose as well as put that understanding to work in their everyday life” 

Now you might be saying “but Christi! what does that second part have to do with answering cosmic why questions!?” and this is where I say it doesn’t but it is part of the why of religion. “Why do people participate in religion?” aside from the aforementioned me and my friend came up with a couple reasons people do religion which are:

To cope with events/thoughts

As a framework or guide for how to live life

To take responsibility for actions and thoughts away from the self

As someone to talk to

Establishment of a routine

 The third one is actually the one that references to a fic, basically a character got overwhelmed because finals and too much coffee and hearing too much and migraines, and then their significant other came home and guided character A into a kneeling position on the floor while person B sat on the couch with his thighs on either side of person A. This allowed person A to have this “I’m safe and protected and I don’t need to be on edge, anything that happens is no longer up to me” kind of thought process that I think we tend to also apply to religion. That idea of “if god wants me to do well on this test then I will” or “these bad/good things happened because god wanted them to” you can easily come up with more examples. 

The first, and the last two are in reference to this tumblr post not to talk too long but basically a small god has a tiny shrine, he doesn’t have much power but a farmer prays to him every day, and bad things happen and the little god can’t do anything to prevent it, and the farmer still prays because this little god means something to him, its a routine, its someone to talk to, and as his fields burn down and his family dies he has a dedication that he can use to cope. It’s kind of tragically beautiful and I 100% recommend you read that story btw. 

Now for like frameworks of how to live life I don’t really have all that many that my god will have but here are the few I do have:

Try to improve, never settle for the way you are now and always try to be kinder

Don’t tolerate ignorance or scorn when it causes damage

Never put yourself in a situation that makes you viscerally uncomfortable

Doing your best is good enough

Say no to drugs and alcohol (this is just a personal preference) 

Remain humble in all that you do, never expect to be the best 

However if someone treats you as though you know nothing, prove them wrong

If it makes you happy it’s worth it

But basically, I need help coming up with more of the nuts and bolts of who this god will be, what their name will be, other frameworky “how to live life” kinds of things, maybe some lore too. I really want it to be the kind of god that has a shrine simply because of the aesthetic. 

As a PSA it will be a god that supports all variants of LGBTQ+ and nerf’s TERFS because we don’t support that in this good non christian sapphic household. 

So yeah if you wanna help and be in my lil cult I guess this is gonna be, DM me with your snapchat and I can create like a groupchat or something (no I don’t have discord, don’t attack me), or send an ask with thoughts/suggestions on the subject to either @kawaiijellymonster or @girlsareverypretty (they’re both me). 

[unironicduncanstan]

Total Drama Music Camp AU - playlist / performance ideas

here she is,,,, the cursed secret texts,,,,, the total drama music camp playlist , along with some short explanations below, cringe city bitch (most of these are just covers that i feel are the closest to the performance Style id imagine for these characters and not necessarily the exact sound but u feel me) also i went back and tagged my previous posts abt this concept with “td music camp au” so if you dont know what the helling fuck im talking abt plz have a gander xoxo

link: youtube .com/playlist?list=PL-bPcaq3ZK2L682RHPauxrsFIPvGJdsiM (space is there so tumblr hopefully doesnt nerf me from the tag 🥺 )

Some Nights - ok so first weeks challenge. i feel like chris would just want them to all collab together on one huge group performance. kinda like on the first day of school when they make you do the ‘get to know you’ tests. idk exactly who would sing what parts tho bc there are so many so let your imagination run wild !!

Hand crushed by a mallet - ok. OKYAY. im a home of sexual. but this is a Cody, Trent, Tyler, Harold and Izzy song. Cody is on vocals (especially the rap in this version shdofsgjsk), Trent is on guitar and some vocals (does some back and forth with him during the rap), Tyler is on drums (and does that one tiny background screamy bit towards the end), Izzy and Harold are joined up on creating the background track and DJing the whole thing. the distortion/choppy part at the end is izzy LIVE going ape on the audio level sliders. its one of the most energetic performances of the whole series and surprises everyone including the group themselves

Misery Business - Duncan on vocals and guitar, Geoff on drums, Trent also on guitar and maybe some backup vocals. you all know i chose that bc i love associating mgk with duncan but. i rly like this idea actually ;;

Paparazzi - ezekiel. idk who the fuck else except maybe justin bc he’d dance that shit to death. i will not apologize thats Him and its fire but you may write and send any formal complaints to my po box. ill roll a blunt with them,

Pom Pom - Lindsay, Heather, Sadie+Katie, and Izzy. Lindsay and Heather are on vocals, sharing the chorus and each getting a solo verse, and ofc izzy does the weird rap part towards the end, and most of the background track. they all thought they were stuck with izzy but izzy is stuck with these preps. Sadie and Katie are on backup vocals, but their role in this one is mostly dancing and adding ✨ stage presence. 

Maps - Trent is on the guitar and male vocals while Courtney is on the female vocals (the ~top two performers~ gotta have a song together eventually right), DJ on drums, Bridgette on piano. Heather, Lindsay, Justin, and Leshawna are dancers bc lbr the dance from the video is pretty good for a group number

CREEPER? AW MAN - ok this one. is kind of a joke but wouldnt it be rly hilarious if cody, ezekiel, and harold did this one mostly for fun and the whole second part with the existential breakdown was just. used with on stage satire to make fun of chris for being old or smth. like would they suffer that week, yes, would it be worth it, Y E S, 

Shatter me - Eva, Courtney, Gwen, Beth. QwQ Eva’s on vocals for the first time and rocks it, Courtney is on violin, Gwen on drums, and Beth uses her instruments to make a background track before the performance so she can do stage tech/DJ stuff. oh also justin should be on this one bc i want. those costumes from t he vi deo, 

Chop suey - Lindsay and Courtney on vocals (LMAOSJFkSF listen. we love contrast queens that stun the crowd), Duncan on guitar, Eva on drums (and a lot of background screaming to help the Vibe Tee Em)

Unwritten - Leshawna and Trent? ik its a weird combo but i think they’d kill this

Shake it - GEOFF LMFAOGHJKgjfdG

White Winter Hymnal - Lindsay as Kirstie, Noah probably as Avi even tho we all know he can’t sing that fuckgin low. and idk my other 3 bros as Cody, Tyler and Ezekiel. truly iconique group

Forget me too - QWQ DUNCAN AND COURTNEY ,,,,,,,,,,,, i dont apoloigze for the second mgk = duncan pick, anyways duncans also on guitar, gwen on drums (there is no love triangle in this au btw. the only reason theyre singing this song is bc of the regular ~tension~ that u see in like tdi but its just for the stage mostly. as soon as the songs over they would hug and cheer abt it)

Simple and Clean - Bridgette on singing, Gwen on piano, DJ on drums, Beth on general stage stuff + creates the backtrack with Bridgette's harmonies overlayed

Mr. Brightside - OWEN ON THE BRASS YES BBY ITS HIS TIME 2 FUCKIENG SHINE, Geoff on drums, Gwen begrudgingly on piano, Noah is on vocals and they have to literally bribe him with everything they HAVE to get him to try and sing this way. and he does it and it aint too shabby but he will never do it again

Domino - Leshawna on vocals (again these choices are all, based on general vibe and style and not necessarily voice, this is a tiny white girl singing,), Tyler on drums, Duncan on guitar. energy to the max babey the speakers are gonna blow the fuck out on this one

Starships - KATIE AND SADIE GET TO BE A MAIN DUO !!! they alternate lines , with courtney on violin, izzy on that synthy backtrack, and justin is involved in this one bc id change just a couple of things abt the music video costumes for these characters but like. [grabby hands] gimme

Bulletproof - ezekiel vibes.....? izzy and harold get to team up again for the backtrack. weird kids only karaoke night

The Wolves And The Ravens - 🥺 a geoff and bridgette songk,,,,, 

Never Enough Praying (Mashup) - Courtney on Praying, Heather on Never Enough, Beth and Izzy end up together on the background stuff and make a rly nice track actually

Gasoline - bitch. you know what im gonna say but duncans on vocals, Tyler on guitar, Geoff on drums, Ezekiels on track

Better not wake the baby - Noah gets to sing a song that actually matches his style a tiny bit better lol, DJ on drums, Trent on guitar, and i feel like beth is the only one with any hope of figuring out the accordion keyboard thing thats in the background

This is Gospel - Gwen on piano and Trent on vocals. really the music video is the most important part for me bc i think a challenge where oyu have to sing a really intense emotional song while chris gets to dump shit down on your head from the ceiling of the stage. sounds perfect,

Wildest Dreams - codys on vocals bc god i am Obsessed with this cover being a bisexuality / coming out song . everybody thinks hes just regular simping and being his usual fuccboi self when he chooses this song till he gets to those Very Intentionally Unchanged Pronouns that he sings a little too enthusiastically hhhshHDSHHHSDH , also DJ on drums and Tyler on guitar

Happier - Bridgette solo ! 

Stay - Courtney on guitar and vocals, Dj and Harold are on the hand drum shit. once again i live for the ‘unlikely group actually works together and rocks it’ stuff. courtney as always has talent and enjoys what she does but harold and dj kind of steal the show with how in sync and energetic they are abt it lmfaodghd

[dontcallmecarrie]

Are you planing on ever making By Dawns Early Light into a full blown story? ... And is Thanos an issue in this AU? I think you havent mentioned him in it so well, I wondered?

UMM. *looks over what I’ve got in that tag, and winces*

geez this thing’s longer than some of my actual fics, when did that happen?

Here’s the thing, though: this AU’s meant to be a writer’s-block-buster. Which, if the current evidence is anything to go by, has been a resounding success. 

However. 

As of right now it’s just that, a thought-and-snippet-writing exercise, because there’s a lot of things that’d need tweaking before I’d even consider posting it on AO3 [aka my inner perfectionist strikes again]. 

Again, this is mostly just me messing around with a fluffy tumblr-exclusive [for now, anyway] AU because this feels smaller stakes than if I were to round this up and make it into a full-out fic.

Also, in regards to the second part of your ask: not exactly. By Dawn’s Early Light is, at its core, a fairly fluffy self-indulgent AU, which for me is also code for ‘nobody dies if I can help it’ and ‘if the MCU can have a Gary Stu villain then I can do what I want, Deus Ex Machina-levels of fixits included’.

How? Simple. By nerfing the heck out of him, while also unfridging as many other moms as I can, with a side of I-have-yet-to-forgive-the-writers-for-pulling-this-bs-seriously-what-kind-of-writing-was-that. 

Here’s how the entire Thanos situation would go down, in By Dawn’s Early Light (spoilers for a fic I have yet to write):

First, let’s take a step back, shall we? This is, among other things, a timeline-crunch AU. There’s a lot going down in a very compressed time frame [originally just because I wanted Howard to still be around just for Tony to be able to punch him, but now I’m invested in this so time go the full nine yards, buckle up everyone].

So. The entire situation around Maria Stark and Tony and Bucky’s been covered fairly well, but to sum up: when Howard turns out to be an abusive asshole of a husband, his wife smiles at him and promptly turns around and burns both SHIELD and Stark Industries, revealing HYDRA and Obadiah Stane’s double-dealing ahead of schedule [unintentional fixits ftw]. In the chaos, Bucky manages to escape and joins up with Maria and Tony as they go in hiding. 

Ripple effect that didn’t get mentioned: Hank Pym sees this shit going down, realizes that the most famous missing child in the country is about the same age as his daughter, and decides to not aim to be Absentee Father of the Year. He ends up being a tad overprotective, sure, but is way more involved in his kid’s life and Hope Van Dyne grows up with at least one (1) parental figure in her life, so…there’s that. 

Things happen, and the timeline for bringing Janet back gets moved up somehow, right around when the Avengers assemble.

Note to self: adjust part of Scott Lang’s origin story in this? Compare whistleblower laws of that time era, alt. entrance for him could be him somehow helping Tony hide because BDEL!Howard’s the type of petty and vindictive asshole who’d pull some strings if he found out this rando interfered with his search somehow. 

Bonus for giving Scott and Hank something to commiserate about, later on, and would also have Tony and Co. feeling indebted to him [which would result in a lot of shiny prototypes and records being expunged, later on, probably]

…though that might be a bit much. Hmm.

Reason to bring Janet back: I do what I want also I think the MCU fridged moms because otherwise they’d be too powerful 

Ripple effect that didn’t get mentioned, the second: since this is also the AU where moms get unfridged, Frigga’s going to be derailing the plot from her corner of the galaxy.

Also, since I finally watched Ragnarok but was a mythology nerd as a kid and have a passing knowledge of the comics, time to revamp how Hela fits into this universe.

Okay, she’s still murderous and powerful and ruthless. 

Only, turns out there’s a very good reason for it: she was one of Loki’s students [iirc she’s his daughter in the myths, that’s the best I can come up with atm] before Odin saddled her with the thankless duty of being the watchkeeper of Asgard’s enemies and prisoners. As in, Odin just straight-up went ‘hey you look pretty talented, here, I now hold you responsible for this entire goddamn realm of assholes and creeps, if any get out we’re all screwed’. 

Which is something Hela absolutely did not sign up for, but she’s now just about the only thing standing between said realm of undesirables and her home so she stays put […also maybe Odin sealed the only way back? Maybe? Idk].

It didn’t help that in the early days, these ruffians thought they could overpower her and escape to wreak havoc. So she had to kick everyone’s ass six ways to Sunday, until they finally accepted her as the head honcho of this dump and as someone Not To Be Fucked With.

Thus, why Hela’s known as the goddess of death and ruler of Helheim.  

…and it’s also why she accidentally came to Thanos’ attention.

(Because why the hell not, as if her day wasn’t bad enough Odin you owe her big time—)

Thanos, of course, is in love with her carnage and seems to be the kind of guy who doesn’t take no for an answer. Hela just wants to be left the alone but can’t tell him to fuck off because if she did, she’d risk leaving her home open to attack from enemy agents, which is how we get the story behind why Thanos is known as the madman who courted death. 

[Hela: fuck you and the horse you rode in on shoo you bastard and take your stupid flowers with you—]

Thanos was on one of his especially annoying ‘let me woo you with the ashes of this one civilization!’ kicks [Hela: ashes. How romantic. Not. Leave me alone already.] when some of the Dark Elves snuck out and killed Odin. 

Hela…is only pissed she couldn’t have done it with her own two hands. Also slightly embarrassed that the Dark Elves escaped in the first place, and relieved that it was only Odin who’d kicked it because his wife had seemed pretty nice, the one time Hela’d seen the lady before she’d been drop-kicked to this hellhole. 

Also— apparently she now can leave this place? Sayonara, bitches. 

.

Thanos is very displeased when he doesn’t find her standing guard over Helheim when he returns.

Displeased enough to get creative, as far as courting gifts go, and think that if she didn’t like rings or jewelry, well, maybe this Lady Death would appreciate a shiny, fully-assembled Infinity Gauntlet instead.

well…let’s be honest, if it weren’t for his ‘don’t take no for an answer’ thing, you’d have to give the guy props for trying. Nothing says ‘I love you’ more than ‘here have this item of absolute cosmic power’, amirite? [just kidding]

.

Hela now has mixed feelings about Asgard. Before she was crowned Queen of This Dump, she’d been a student of magic, had been used to certain things. There’s quite an element of culture shock to be had, now that she’s back. It’s the first time she’s seen sunlight in thousands of years, and also there’s a lot of systemic changes going on now that some of Odin’s dirty secrets are coming out at last. Turns out she’s not the only one who’d been pressed into duty: some of Loki’s other students[/children in the myths] came back with stories of the same. Fenrir was apparently voluntold to be the guardian of the Reality Stone, Jormungandr had apparently been busy on Midgard […which now had a school of Mystic Arts? Pfft. Overachiever], and the more Hela thought about it the angrier she got.

Especially when it turns out that her teacher had been mocked for suffering a breakdown and was also tortured by the creep who’d been flirting with her for millennia [Everyone: wait what Hela: I am going to KILL THAT BASTARD NEXT TIME I SEE HIM]. 

However, thanks to Frigga being Frigga and having a crazy-high charisma stat, Hela is still mostly willing to play ball with everyone else on Asgard. Despite her not being happy with how ungrateful the general populace acted [oh, magic’s just ‘tricks’? Here, have a fireball TO THE FACE I FOUGHT MONSTERS WITH THESE TRICKS FOR MILLENNIA]. 

So when Thanos shows up again, he gets one-shotted by Hela, who’s very very pissy about her vacation being interrupted.

Because this planet has sunlight and hot chocolate and punk rock and she’s got centuries’ worth of time off and she is damn well going to enjoy it.

.

…aka why Thanos is a bit of a non-entity in this one. Again, fixits are the name of the game for this AU.

[squidproquoclarice]

You said Charles in the Epilogue bugs you. I don't see a post about it so can you explain?

I’ve written on this before but given it’s been a while and I usually have some new facet to consider, plus Tumblr Search is such ass, let’s do this thing!My beef with Charles in the Epilogue is how it takes a character who’s earned his independence and happy ending, and strips that away from him.  Charles in the Epilogue honestly does not make sense.  He’s Charles Ex Machina, a plot device who also knows things he logically shouldn’t.  And denying a MOC his own story to make him a tool in service to the stories of two white men (Arthur and John) is…kinda not cool.I think at the end of Chapter 6 we got a good ending for Charles.  He’s rejected the gang and all its bullshit.  He’s found his place with people who need him, who accept him.  He’ll become a protector of the Wapiti, presumably raise a family, and in my HC, also becomes an adopted son to Rains Fall, who desperately needs that himself as part of his own healing given the raw wound from the death of Eagle Flies.  He’s moving towards a brighter future, and choosing that for himself, rather than being obligated to stick around as an actor in someone else’s story.  He more or less says to Arthur, You’re my friend and I know you have to see this through, but I’m leaving.  These people need me.  I’m done with all of this.  It’s a meaningful exit, and a respectful goodbye between two friends who see they’re on very different, divergent paths in who they’re choosing to stay with and protect.  There’s a grace and dignity and agency to letting Charles make that reasonable choice, and not stay until the very end.  Charles is also one of the chars we actually get an actual exit from, unlike Mary-Beth and others who slip away sight unseen.  It’s a good farewell, and it’s respectful of Charles and Arthur both.Then in 1907, it’s all walked back.  We find him prizefighting in St. Denis, having left Canada and the tribe for reasons never specified.  His dignified choosing of a home with the Wapiti is stripped from him.  We’re told that he heard all the way up in Canada (how, precisely, when he’s had no contact with any of the gang?) that Susan and Arthur died, and then came to come bury them, when he left before the end and couldn’t even know exactly where their bodies were, particularly Arthur’s.I dunno about you, but I think it’s kinda absurd that they decided Charles needed to be all about Arthur to the point that they completely abandon plot and character logic. They don’t see how strange it is they decide he abandoned the very vulnerable living people he chose to protect, probably in winter to boot, to come on what likely had to be a weeks-long journey just to search for, find, and bury two long dead corpses.  That doesn’t sound much like the Charles Smith I know.  He loves, but he cares deeply about protecting the living first and foremost.  He wouldn’t abandon his chosen family like that.  Nor would Arthur have wanted him to–they both made that choice to protect and save the living at the Wapiti reservation.  I get that on the surface “Charles buried Arthur” works as a nice emotional beat, but when you dig into it, I think it feels cheap and unearned.  It’s tell, not show of something we were already shown: Charles and Arthur were good friends.  We don’t need Charles to drop everything important of his own to go on some epic burial quest just to prove he was a good friend.  He’s proven it already.After that, as I pointed out, in 1907 Charles’ peaceful life in Canada has been sacrificed (and never explained either).  I’m back on the gang’s bullshit I had firmly rejected, because I guess they need a strong back and Arthur’s dead.  He’s there only so he can do one thing: he’s there to help build and defend Beecher’s Hope.  He’s become an actor in John’s story, without aims or desires of his own like he had in Chapter 6. And I argue yes, it’s one thing he does in the Epilogue, two if you count our being told about burying Arthur.  He’s not even allowed to meaningfully participate in hunting down Micah, given he’s ridiculously nerfed from the fight like two seconds in by a sniper wound.  He’s not even given the dignity of being involved, because fulfilling that quest to kill Micah for the sake of the man he supposedly dropped everything for before can apparently only belong to John–and notice who’s racing up the mountain alone at the end?  Even Sadie, who actually led the whole damn thing, has to be reduced to a damsel in distress in the end.So Charles, a biracial man of color, exists in the Epilogue for two reasons: to have abandoned his chosen Native American family to worry about burying a dead white man, and to build a white man’s house and help him win his girlfriend back, all while apparently having no aims or agency of his own.  I dunno, but that’s kind of yikes?After all that, he rides off to go back to Canada again, and take up the peaceful life he should have been living all along and go have a family, still without any explanation of what happened to make him not have those things except apparently plot demanded it so he would be available.  I guess maybe he had amnesia for the past 8 years, since they don’t seem to have existed for him.So yeah, in conclusion, I will forever argue that Charles Smith was done super dirty by the Epilogue, given his role makes no sense, and there’s no char growth, there’s actually char regression given the things forced on him actually walk back a lot of his agency and growth that he had in Chapter 6.  

[if-weshadows-haveoffended]

Harana - Padawan!Obi-Wan x Reader

A/N: Man I really sat on this wip for 3 whole ass years. OBI-WAN AND INFINITE SADNESS? I DON’T KNOW HER. I ONLY KNOW TEA AND MIST DIFFUSERS. There are some sneaky references to Casablanca in here and a section of Anne of Avonlea.

Harana in the rural Filipino tradition is the act of courtship by serenading (with guitar) and often has the serenadee to respond back in kind (also with guitar). Often your bros would help you woo a girl by being your back up players and singers. Imagine Romeo and Juliet balcony but with significantly more guitars and second-hand embarrassment. Also the wookiepedia entry on music is absolutely WILD. (Reposting bc tumblr hates me and the tags were broken)

Title: Harana Tags: @fangirltothe-end​ , @hellotherekenobi​ Words: 1650+ Masterpost: here (x) Prompt List: here (x) Mixtape Archive: here (x) The Obi-Wan Kenobae playlist (x)

Perhaps you’d foolishly consider yourself a hopeless romantic.

It just seemed one of those days: sunny and the breeze just a touch warm, the scent of Ithorian roses and Sachi blossoms drifting upon it as you spent a day idly reading upon the balcony of your apartment. Somehow it was as if nothing could go wrong. Not spilling your tea all over the counter, not making your bath far, far too warm, hells not even the dozens of unopened messages on your comm could ruin the quiet serenity you were feeling.

And you may as well enjoy it after all, this reprieve from the tedium of study would only last for a few more days. You’d spent enough time watching holo-movies and idly playing music upon your old guitar as it was. It was time to finally work through that pile of reading you had always intended to get to.

The sun was slowly descending beyond the rolling hills at the horizon and you were well into your bookchip now. A story you felt viscerally, had read and re-read so many times and yet you yearned and pined and loved alongside the protagonists of the story. You would always smile, feeling your soul alight as your eyes traced the words upon the screen. Perhaps that explosive, violent love was never for you. The ones they showed in holodramas where the lovers would dramatically meet at the docking bay for one last passionate kiss. A confession and a farewell all at once. No, you ached for something quieter. Something as constant and warm as sunlight.

‘Perhaps, after all,’ you read, ‘romance did not come into one’s life with pomp and blare, like a Jedi knight flying down; perhaps it crept to one’s side like an old friend through quiet ways; perhaps it revealed itself in seeming prose, until some shaft of illumination flung athwart its pages betrayed the rhythm and the music; perhaps… perhaps… love unfolded naturally out of a beautiful friendship- ’

You were suddenly pulled out of your reverie at the sound of footsteps and the murmur of a voice.

“Who’s there?” Your hands gripped at a small blaster in the folds of your dress in reaction to the sudden sound, eyes frantically scanning the deceptively serene balcony. Datapad in hand, you slowly made your way to the wide stone ledge. Carefully brushing off fallen blush-coloured petals you precariously leaned over, checking for any assailants below the ledge. Granted it was a stupid idea, but it was worth a shot anyway.

What you hadn’t been expecting was a young man sitting on a balcony ledge below, quietly singing to himself as he stared out into the far distance.

Kriff abort mission, no, nooooooo….nah... nope can’t do this.

You really couldn’t, he looked far too peaceful with one leg tucked under his arm, the other lazily over-hanging his ledge as half-lidded crystal eyes stared out to the peaceful idyll of distant lakes and hills. And yet, you were still there, half-falling off your ledge and staring at this boy as if you’d been ordered to memorise his appearance in order to assassinate him in the marketplace tomorrow. But something tugged at the back of your mind as you took in his relaxed robes in a sort of cream colour, the brown cloak discarded carelessly upon the balcony floor and what appeared to be a braid peeking out from behind his ear-

Oh no, oh kriff… oh kriff, kriff.

You were unaware that the Jedi were even allowed to sing. You’d always been taught that they were a hermit-y sort that didn’t do the whole singing-and-dancing-and-women-and-drink-and-wine-and-merriment sort of thing. Probably spent their free time herding shaak and the like.

But clearly you were very, very wrong.

He was a wonderful singer. His voice carrying the romantic yet mournful tune that you must have heard somewhere before. Was it a play? No, it must have been one of those sweeping holo-movies that always seemed to make every being in the room cry as the battered cantina owner lamented the return of his lost love. What was it? He’d refused to have that song played ever again? And yet he did, drinking whiskey, a single tear falling down his noble features. They’d always have Correlia, he’d say, assuring himself that he truly was fine and not crumbling apart within.

And that young man was still singing the tune, and you… you were simply transfixed at his beauty and his serenity, wondering what other power in the galaxy had blessed him so with coppery hair that glistened just so under the blaze of the setting sun.

“Hello there!” He turned suddenly and cheerfully waved to you.

There were many things you would tell people in the future about that time you first encountered the famous General Kenobi; “The Negotiator”. His kindness, his laughter, his smile…What you wouldn’t tell them, was the absolute mess you’d made of yourself while you fell off your balcony ledge and onto your tiled floor.

Like a complete and absolute ass.

Oh and your pad had tumbled off the marbled edge and cluttered upon the tiles of the Jedi’s balcony.

But it was alright with the coppery-haired piece of shit, apparently. He was profusely apologising and bounding up with his magical force powers to stand upon the narrow ledge on the other side of the stone balustrade.

“Are you alright?” He tilted his head in confusion, padawan braid swinging against his chest. You felt your mouth open and close, but you doubted anything escaped. “It appears your pad has smashed itself into smithereens.”

“I-I,”

“You can speak Basic, can’t you? If not, I can translate into-” He offered very quickly,

“No, of course I can speak Basic, I was just…” Gingerly, you prised yourself off the floor, dusting down rumpled skirts and staring at the odd Jedi. “You’re a wonderful singer,” you blurted.

“Well thank you,” He replied, a little flustered, a hand moving to fiddle with his cute little nerf tail.

Cute. Cute? Kriff, you’d only been talking to the boy for the last thirty seconds. Surely this was a new record.

“I didn’t know Jedi sang,” You rambled on and you simply knew that heat would be pooling up in your face for the boy to see-

Oh no, it was fine, he was turning a rather charming shade of pink too. It only seemed to get worse, didn’t it? Oh of course, of course he was cursed with dimples. You really should have just cut your losses and fled.

He laughed, swinging a leg over your balustrade and sitting upon it. “Oh we sing sometimes, my master says it drives him up the walls. But I am sorry, I’ve been terribly impolite. I’m Obi-Wan Kenobi, Padawan learner.” He held out a hand and you took it, shaking it as well as you could given your dazed circumstances. You were pretty sure, however, that you at least managed to give him your name.

“Well, Y/N, however can I make this up to you?” He gestured to the mangled, metallic remains below. “It is more or less my fault and-”

He still had not let go of your hand, and despite all common sense, you found no reason to let go. How could you? Obi-Wan (you had the sneaking suspicion it would roll off your tongue) continued rambling and you merely stepped away, your hand fighting to remain in his until you were too far, finger tips brushing against a calloused palm.

“Wait here,” You said, placating the concerned look that had passed before his face. Your feet traced the path through your room, eyes frantically scanning for the sight of warm Kashyyk wood before hefting it into your hands and quickly returning to the waiting Jedi. You noticed with some amusement that he’d balled his hands into the sleeves of his robes. “That pad was old anyway,”

He raised a sceptical brow, “Your face certainly said otherwise,”

“It doesn’t really matter. I’d read that story enough times to recite it in my sleep.” Heart pounding in your chest you mustered the courage to sit beside him, transferring the guitar to his awaiting arms. “Do you play?”

“A little. It was an elective.” He responded, “I’m sure it’s nowhere near as good as you,”

“Flatterer.” You briefly met his gaze, transfixed by their colour. Like a lake mirroring a cloudless sky. And you knew that you were lost. “Well, I’ve been starved for someone else to play with.”

“Have you now?” His teasing was going to be the death of you.

“Yes, now go and be all chivalrous and play something wonderful.”

“Any particular requests?” He asked, focused upon adjusting his hands upon the frets, fingers outlining the ghosts of chords. “Well?” He found your eyes once again, the answer slipping from your tongue faster than you could have ever expected.

It didn’t matter in that moment that a bemused Jedi Knight sat a floor below, basking in the comfort of the living force and the gentle sound of singing above him. It didn’t matter that he should really be bundling that boy off into their ship and off to debrief a council that would be mildly irritated at his choice to delay their return by a day or two.

All you knew- all you were consumed by- was the feeling of your fingers sliding their way along metal strings to familiar positions, passing a well-loved instrument back and forth and exchanging laughs as you missed notes. And if your hands lingered for too long upon his as you performed yet another exchange, you didn’t care.

No, all that mattered in the universe right now was the sound of your voices carrying the half-remembered tune of a song you both loved. And perhaps, just perhaps, this was that shaft of illumination you had hoped for.

[wish-to-grow-a-garden]

So, I just finished playing Hello Neighbor and I'm here to give it my personal rating because reasons.

First off, I'll admit that the only reason I even was able to beat it was because I used walkthroughs. Without them, I never would have figured out half the shortcuts and mechanics and secrets (more on that later), but I just wanted to see how the game actually turned out in the end because most Youtubers I watched play it kinda gave up after like the 3rd version that got released. That being said...

Overall Game Rating: 6/10

So at its core this game had potential. I WANTED the final version of this game to be better than it was. Would it ever have been the best game ever? I highly doubt it. But it could have been much more noteworthy if it had just *functioned* better. I'm also fully aware that I'm several years late, but man I just need to give my discourse and opinions to someone who isn't 9 or a completely lost parent. Anyways, allow me to explain myself in the good old fashioned Tumblr way of bullets-

The Good

Physical design. Now, this is a completely personal opinion here, but I liked how the game looked. It was colorful, it had its own distinct style. There were very few occasions when I couldn't tell what something was, and most of the time those indistinguishables weren't remotely important. I also like how the writing in the game was scrambled to kinda make it fun and nonsensical, but you could still pretty much tell what it was meant to say.

Story! Guys, the main reason I came back to this game in the first place; the reason I really wanted to see it finished and see what happened in all those chapters that I never saw finished; was because I wanted to get more of the story. I wanted to know what happened, and while I'm still not entirely certain, I have several theories. And all the theories follow the same general track with a few basic deviations, so I'd say that the game did a pretty good job of getting it's focal points across.

The puzzel aspect. I like games that make me (when I'm actually playing seriously and not just playing to get through it) think. And I wasn't using the guide every step of the way, so I had a genuinely good time figuring out what items went to what, and what I could do with certain objects that I couldn't achieve with others. I think the overall idea of "hey, run around this dude's house and work out his overly complicated, Ikea-like home full of coniptions and contraptions" super fun.

Multiple ways to reach endings. Now, mainly this applied to Act 2 in my experience because Act 1 seemed pretty straightforward and Act 3 had me frustrated for so many days to the point where I couldn't really appreciate its options (more on that in a bit), but I'm sure there were deviating paths there as well. Point is, I saw 3 seperate ways of escaping the Neighbor's house in act 2, and I just sorta thought that was cool. And considering I'm playing for myself, and guiding (playing) two children through their own files, I managed to get two of those 3 escapes. The endings were the same, but still, it's cool.

The secrets and optional pathways. There were several rooms that I never actually managed to get into when i was playing through just because I wasn't secret I hunting. But I DID take notice of them, plus there were quite a few that I just happened to find my way into during my run arounds, and I explored because hey! Secrets! And I'm sure there was a ton of extra story material I missed because I neglected a lot of them, but I can appreciate a game that leaves its little hidden details as something you sort of have to work for. If I ever find the patience and the time one day, maybe I'll go back for them.

Audio warnings. Okay okay, so I was a big dummy and played through the first 2 Acts without any sound, and only plugged in headphones for the second half of Act 3. But once I did, having the music pick up in warning when the neighbor spotted me, or being able to hear the mannequins coming was very nice.

The minigames/cut scenes. And I'm not including the Fear rooms in this because I did not take anywhere near as much intrest or enjoyment out of those. I mean the things you were just mean to sorta run through. The bits where you could see the neighbor at his lowest. The bits that showed that maybe, maybe this dude that you've been cussing out the entire game is actually just some dude who had a really tough run, and just ended up snapping. The bits that kinda make you feel bad for barging into his home and shattering all his windows and just being a general dick. The bit at the very end got me especially- when he's trapped in the room by the shadow figure, and he sorta looks out the window at you, and then just stands dejectedly in the corner. I wanted to help him. I REALLY wanted to help him. I felt bad leaving.

The Bad

Limited functionality. Oh my lord, if this game hadn't been so effing glitchy the whole way through, I might have been able to give it a 7 or 8 out of 10. But it just...didn't. There were so many times when things would just vanish from my inventory and I'd have to reload, or the puzzle wouldn't solve the way it was meant to and I'd have to Macgyver my way around it. There were also several times where I would be trying to hide in a locker/closet, and my character would get stuck in the door of said locker/closet. Half the time it would get me caught, and half the time I'd have to button mash for several minutes before I could get free. The worst possible glitch I had during my whole experience was when I was trying to get up to the roof garden in Act 3. My walkthrough told me I had to get in the trolley and stop it just before a ledge to jump up. The problem is THE TROLLEY WOULDN'T STOP. Every time I tried, I'd either glitch through the front and get hit and die, or it would just completely break the train and it would just go into constant motion, not even making its programmed stops at the different stations.

Ridiculous enemy sightline triggers. Listen, Act 2 in particular was absolute HELL to get through the first time (and even unnecessarily difficult after I took the lids through it the 2nd and 3rd times) because the neighbor could be like 3 blocks down and inside his local "Murderous Psycos Anonymous" meeting, and yet the moment I step foot in his yard he's on a dead sprint to my location. And don't even get me STARTED on the mannequins in the Fear rooms. Their sightline triggers were so ridiculously unfair that if I hadn't had the sound triggers telling me they were coming, I never would have gotten past those rooms. But the sensitivity could have even been brushed off, if it were even remotely consistent. There were other times when I would be standing directly in front of the Neighbor, shining a flashlight in his eyes and staring him head on, and yet because I was crouched and slightly out of his sightline (this happened several times in the basement of Act 1.)

Pointless enemy boundaries. By this, I mean that the Neighbor is (apparently) meant to stop at the boundaires of his property when he's chasing you and you run off home. But he doesn't . In fact, quite often I couldn't get him to back off until I was actually physically in my house with the door closed.

Extremely unclear puzzle solutions. The main reason I opted to use the walkthroughs instead of working my way through the game myself? Because without them, it would have been damn near impossible. There were so many times that I was preforming the solution to a problem and I was just like "...really?". Requiring the player to interact with one of hundreds of completely repetative and indistinguishable paintings, having to glitch a shoe through a box to switch a lever, making a specific space match a painting on the wall to open a box that was down the hall and outside...it was just kind of ridiculous. I personally wouldn't have even guessed the the umbrellas could be used as floatation devices until maybe several hours into the game, if ever at all. When you have to many objects that seem unqiue but are actually just more props to toss around, it gets kinda hard to distinguish what is actually useful and what isn't.

The Iffy

The final boss. ...okay, I have to actually admit that I had a fun time being teeny and launching nerf darts and bottle rockets at the Neighbor. Especially after all the pain of getting through Act 2. (He actually didn't bother me much in Act 3.) But like...what was it? His household was weighing on his back or whatever. The reminders of his kids were causing him pain. Okay, okay, cool....but like...there wasn't any better setting for it? There was no better way to pull it off? I was legitimately just running around and doing things just to inconvenience the tall man in front of me. I died so many times just trying to work out the toaster puzzle until I got all...like, 600 umbrellas. I don't know, it was just strange execution.

The Fear Room Powerups. I didn't know the fear rooms were necessary. I didn't know they gave you powerups. Had I not read the walkthroughs, I never would have figured it out. And even AFTER I beat them, I didn't work out that I had power ups until last minute. There was no acknowledgment that I had gained a new power, save for the sneakily worded achievements. However, I did appreciate them while I had them. They let me Macgyver my way around even more.

The seemingly unexplorable. There were doors upon doors that I wanted to get through. And doors upon doors that seemed to have no actual entrances. No secret methods. No special actions. They were just doors. Taunting me. Is it possible I missed something? Absolutely, I'd bet on it. But all I'm saying is I ran around that house a lot in all three levels, and there were some things that I was just never able to work out.

The Conclusion

Hello Neighbor is a game for the patient and the crafty. I enjoyed it. I would have enjoyed it more if it were more functional and made even a lick of sense gameplay wise. But while it isn't anywhere near the best game I've ever played, it isn't the worst either. Its playable enough if you're willing to work around its defects. I'd suggest it for a rainy day, or an especially quarentined week.

[twlvie]

**LONG ASS FUCKIN POST INCOMING**

(read: tumblr mobile nerfed the readmore button)

i love my ffxii 'everyone lives but gets really, really weird au' because of some reasons

highlights: also, please read every part of this as if its' happening in a slice of life sitcom. that's how i see it and its also funnier that way

vayne is pronounced "dead" by the government (read: larsa telling everyone he's dead so he doesn't force himself to work) and lives in the archadian palace as a practical cryptid, zargabaath sees him once sneaking through the halls and almost faints because he thinks he's seen a ghost (after his 'posession' by venat his hair grows in white-grey, and he practically looks half dead once the mist leaves him, further cementing the fact that he looks like a ghost

venat personally obliterates the sun cryst and enjoys every second of it, they still attack gabs bcos they think he's trying to defend it tho. they later figure out that that was Not the case but ! whoopsies !! give it a few centuries and they will feel less bad about it

gabs now has to deal with two solidor scoundrels™,, and he is obviously in NO STATE... to deal with either of them because vayne is Absolutely Fucking Horrible at being dead and larsa is a literal child emperor who is doing his best

it's heavily implied that on vayne's Very Important And Official Visits To Draklor, For Political Purposes, Definitely Not To Hang Out W/ The Homies literally all he did was accidentally break really fragile machinery to the point that almost all of the staff knew not to let him touch anything

balthier inherits the family manse and it turns out no part of it functions ever. it's all highly mechanized but since The Father was practically living in draklor for the past 6 years it's fallen into a Bit Of Disrepair and nobody Quite Knows How to Fix It

vossler's life might be one small catastrophe to the next but he hasn't made an expression in like 10 years anyways so nobody can tell if it bothers him. basch might but if he does he doesn't mention it to anybody because gods forbid vossler INCONVENIENCES SOMEONE,,,

basch n noah get back on 'speaking terms' re: they literally make up lost time by being absolute rascals as if they were still 16 . this amuses nobody but ashe and larsa who think it's literally the funniest shit known to man.

fran becomes a viera ambassador after finally convincing jote that working in tandem with humes will help them as a whole. unfortunately she very often disappears for weeks at a time only to show up with a different, significantly more tricked-out hoverbike every time

anders/alexandra (balthier's mom, in hc,, where he got the pirate blood from) didn't die! whoops! just kind of disappeared after her private aircraft went down in the salikawood and was pronounced dead but nobody finds this out until far later and she just Shows Back Up In Archades one day like 'wassup ive been living in sochen and phon as a hunter for the past 8 years. sorry about your like whole childhood kid' and balthier just . . turns around and walks back inside like. this is enough bullshit for one lifetime ..

vaan gets a ship and names it the tiamat, penelo paints a dragon on the side of it, they become rlly mysterious sky pirates that work out of balfonheim [balthier voice]: they grow up so fast ............ :')

ashe brings in a bunch of the dalmascan lowtown kids and their parents into the palace in rasler's name, if vaan and penelo came from the slums and helped save all of ivalice, imagine what these kids could do for their future

rasler, raminas, and reks still die which makes me sad but quality of life wise i couldn't see a way to keep reks alive half dead and poisoned/raminas needed to die to progress the plot at all/rasler also had to die to let the plot advance and also like. ashe needed righteous anger in there im SORRY boys :'(

reddas helps vaan out a little bit and practically becomes vaan and penelo's dad. they love being pirates and since they're knew they get into some close scrapes but always miraculously get out of it fine... definitely not with the help of a certain pirate king...