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tales-unique · 3 years

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FAITH, LOST IV

Oh honey she starts off so spicy! Hence why it's all under a Read More since I don't wanna get done for showing the nasty straight out the gate. Minors better beware! ;3

Tagging the boos, for obvs reasons @chelseareferenced @buckysbaby1 hope you all like it! 😘😘

Chapter 4

It begins as soon as your eyes flutter open. The darkness, familiar, like an old friend, coerces your senses into a heightened state. Exposed, your skin prickles at the coolness of the room, writhing against soft sheets. You exhale in exhilaration; you know what’s to come. It starts small, a low thrum of electricity in the air that tickles your bare flesh. Then it builds, tantalizingly slow, a measured surge of power that has you twisting yourself in knots. You want more. Only He can give you more. His arrival is heralded by the scent of oil and whiskey, leather and smoke. It caresses you, embraces you, and sends you into overdrive. It’s instinctual, a primal desire. It corrupts your mind, the sequence disjointing in its take over. Thick boots echo on a wooden floor, your mouth falling open with a heated breath. Your back arches when you feel his weight dip the bed, heat radiating from him. The contrast has you trembling, body wired. His hands, strong and calloused, grip the backs of your thighs easily. A simple tug and you’re at his mercy, legs parting easily in his strong grip. You moan, he growls. He likes what he can see, those beast eyes glowing a dangerous red in the blackness. Sharp indents form against delicate skin, his claws marking your inner thighs. His little lamb, so sweet and so ready for the slaughter. Then there’s movement, the shuffle of fabric, the chink of a belt buckle. You tense, but you’re ready. The air surges with the oncoming crescendo, the room spinning, or maybe it’s you? You’re not sure, preoccupied with the molten heat that pools suddenly between your legs. You feel his grin, all teeth and tongue helping to blot out the sharp stab of pain. Forgive me Father, for I have sinned—

The sudden chaos of a burst steam pipe in the hallway outside your room abruptly shocks you from your slumber, a cacophony of sounds assaulting your sleep-hazed senses. You hear Heisenberg shouting, the scraping of metal being reshaped at will, the harsh hissing of escaping steam. Groaning at the rude awakening you flop back against the lumpy couch cushions, kicking off your blanket in protest. A light sheen of sweat covers your body, making your nightclothes stick to you in an uncomfortable way. As you stare up at the ceiling you try to decode the meaning behind your dream. You recall with an embarrassing amount of clarity just what it was you were doing and who you were enjoying it with. Humiliation blooms within you, coloring your cheeks a shade of scarlet. It wasn’t as though you hadn’t indulged in the past, you just never had desires so blatant before. Especially for someone who was your superior in every way. “Hey, you awake in there?” Heisenberg’s voice cuts your thoughts short. All the racket has stopped, there’s just the usual hum of the Factory. “Y-yes!” You squeak, stomach clenching uncharacteristically as you sit up, “I’m awake!” “Well get your ass up, we have work to do!” He claps his hands hard to exaggerate his point and you lament your new found torture as his footfalls recede down the corridor. Oh merciful Mother Miranda how were you supposed to face him anymore?

Heisenberg is, for lack of a better word, pissed. It surges through him and it shows in the haphazard, volatile approach he takes with his work. It isn’t rational, this level of response on his part, but he can’t help it. You’ve barely spoken a full sentence to him all day. Now, he’s under no illusions that you were going to become the best of friends. After all, you had been sent to him by Mother Bitch herself to be his servant and he knew that you were three sheets to the wind over this religious bullshit, but he’d thought that you’d been showing progress in becoming your own person. At least, you were , until that little incident where he had you pinned against his desk and decided to take his teasing to the next level. It isn’t often that Heisenberg considers that he may have gone too far with something, or someone , but he’s definitely considering the possibility now that you seem to be avoiding him wherever possible. You’d even brushed off his blatant last ditch attempt, an offer to accompany him to see his forge and the projects he’d been working on, in favour of praying to Mother Miranda. It’s the exact opposite of what he wanted to happen. You’d been so close to opening up, to no longer being a tool, but instead you’re become even more the meek little lamb of Miranda’s flock. Frustration bubbles within and his temper, short-fused as it already is, takes a critical hit. As a result everything he does has a sharp, volatile edge to it; even something as simple as opening a door is menacing in his current state. It serves to further deter you from him, giving you the space you so desperately desired. That is, until Heisenberg reaches his limit. “Just open up already! You can’t ignore me forever!” He thunders where he stands in the hallway, gritting his teeth in a vicious snarl. When he’s met with your persistent silence he howls in frustration, throwing his arms up in the air. The irony of him choosing to remain outside your door doesn’t go amiss, since it’s well known that he could easily rip the door from its hinges with the flick of his hand because of his nifty little ability to manipulate metal. Which, coincidentally, nearly everything in this Factory is made of in some form or another. But he doesn’t and you’re thankful for that, even if you still don’t want to face him. It continues on relentlessly, neither side backing down, and without realizing it, the whole thing becomes a game in its own right. One that pits you against one another to see who cracks first. So it’s a surprise when it’s Heisenberg that seeks you out first. It’s a situation of his own making, having followed you on the gritty live feed from his security cameras. With ease he catches you off guard on your way out of the elevator, taking your fright in his stride. “Easy now!” He exclaims, his hands raised in surrender. You’re cagey, looking for a way out. He isn’t going to give you one because he’s had about enough of you giving him the cold shoulder over a goddamn joke . You’ve pressed yourself tight against the wall, watching him like a hawk. He can hear the frantic flutter of your heart, the sharp intakes of breath, and his jaw tightens. He can’t get distracted now, he needs to focus — this was not the time to enjoy your distress. “Now I know that I can be a bit of a handful,” he starts, then falters, mouth working to try and word it just right, “but, really, hasn’t this gone on long enough? I didn’t mean any harm by it! Just a little teasing, you weren’t meant to get upset.” Oh, he thinks this is because of that time. You stare up at him in utter disbelief. You want to slap him. It’s the first time you’ve ever felt the innate burning desire to inflict bodily harm on anyone, but here you stand, about ready to knock those glasses right off his face. “You have literally no idea how you make me feel , do you?” You accuse him, incredulous, your posture straightening. Things might have slipped back to the way they were before all of this if he had just let you be, allowed you to warm back up to him, and maybe you might have been content with that. This was a turmoil of his own creation, after all, so why not let him stew in it a while. But now? Now you were at your limit. You’re tired of constantly tip-toeing around yourself because of him and his stupid games. If anything, you’re even more tentative to rekindle whatever this relationship is that you have with him, to throw in the towel and tell Mother Miranda she’d been wrong about you. It made you sour to think that what little progress you had made had been lost and it’s taken its toll on you. There’s a harsh look to you that has Heisenberg’s head spinning, apprehension gripping him. “H-Hold on a minute,” he attempts to defend himself, an uncomfortable blend of emotions sitting like a stone in his stomach. He’s conflicted over your new found confidence. You’re no longer the mild-mannered devotee that was wound around Mother Miranda’s finger, standing tall. You’re practically shining. It’s a good look on you, but he’s not exactly thrilled to be the one on the receiving end. “No!” You snap, squaring up to him. You see his brilliant eyes widen behind his circular glasses and for once in your life you feel powerful and in control . “I’ve done nothing but try my best here, trying to make something good out of this situation and you made me feel like a complete idiot !” The words feel heavy on your tongue, but you feel lighter now that they’re out in the open. Who knew that having your shame out in the open could feel so liberating. You take a deep breath when you feel the pinpricks of tears sting your eyes, trying to ground yourself. You wouldn’t forgive yourself if you cried in front of him. Not in this lifetime, or the next. Heisenberg stares down at you with a look of realization on his face, now fully aware that there was more to this than your feelings of inadequacy, that you were little more than a joke to him. It’s always been there, in the way your heart races when he gets just that little bit too close or how your eyes soften when he’s agonizing over his work. He goes to speak this revelation but you shake your head, lower lip trembling. “I was just trying to help .” The way your voice breaks has him in a tailspin, the look of pure anguish in your eyes cutting him deep. This is in no way what he had envisioned when he spotted the chance to clear the air with you. “Oh come on, don’t cry!” It’s a desperate plea, something you never thought you would hear from him. “You’re making me feel really shitty here!” “That’s because you are!” You sob, unable to hold it back anymore. You feel like such a pathetic idiot. That overwhelming monster of self-degradation looms, fueling your misery. If only a dark abyss could just swallow you up and save you from this embarrassment, but you know that’s not going to happen. There’s only this awkward moment, lingering between you. You whimper, trying desperately to wipe away your tears. They stream down your cheeks, burning against your already flushed skin as you sniffle. Suddenly his hands are encasing your own in a firm grip. With a surprisingly gentle touch he tugs them down, exposing you. The whites of your eyes are marred with tiny lines of red and your long lashes clump together from your tears. You’re a mess, but he doesn’t mind. In fact, he finds you oddly endearing in the moment. Swallowing, you try to understand what’s going on. Your hands are still held in his, the feel of soft leather almost comforting against your skin, and you wonder if you’re dreaming again. Something stirs in you, glowing embers kicking up from ashes, and you try to pull away. It’s an admirable attempt but Heisenberg easily catches you, holding you in a vice-like grip against him. You whine at the harshness of his grasp and he frowns, loosening his hold just enough to make it bearable. “I’m sorry, alright?” He mumbles, hesitating. It’s been so long, too long, since he’s been in such close proximity to someone who wasn’t prey. You aren’t fighting him, you aren’t trying your damnedest to get away. In fact, you look as though you’re captivated by him. It’s a side of him that no one has ever seen before, the dejection of a man twisted into being a monster. Something inside you breaks anew at how lost he looks, the last and most dangerous of the Lords at Mother Miranda’s disposal. He’s nothing more than a dog on a choke chain, to be used when it’s suited and then discarded afterwards. Just like you. “Heisenberg,” your voice is hushed, woeful. The words are so genuine and your heart isn’t yet made of stone to be immune to their plight. When you shift in his grasp there’s no resistance and you reach up to gently cup his cheeks in your hands. The stubble on his face tickles your palms and his skin is warm and smooth to the touch. You find you quite like it, the contrast of textures. He does little in the way to stop you. In fact, he encourages you. His hands find purchase on your hips, thumbs brushing the delicate spots just below your rib cage. It elicits a soft gasp from you, your body stiffening beneath him. Glistening eyes stare up at him, a swirling maelstrom threatening to drown him along with you. He’s curious whether or not you’re ready to commit to this. Heisenberg knows what you want, or better yet, what your body wants, but your mind eludes him. He waits with bated breath to see what path you will take, the uncomfortable feeling of anxiety creeping in his bones. It’s like poison, a crawling taint that threatens to take over him. What have you done to him? The exact same thing he did to you. It’s a disquieting notion, one that almost overtakes him, until it doesn’t. The doubts are suddenly banished and relief washes over him at the feel of your silken lips against his in a tender kiss. The chain breaks; you're both suddenly free, and it feels euphoric .

#RE #RE8 #RE 8 #Resident Evil #Resident Evil 8 #Resident Evil 8 Village #RE Imagine #RE Imagines #RE8 Imagine #RE8 Imagines #Resident Evil Imagine #Resident Evil Imagines #Karl Heisenberg #Karl Heisenberg Imagine #Karl Heisenberg Imagines #Karl Heisenberg x Reader #Heisenberg Imagine #Heinsenberg Imagines #Heisenberg x Reader

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takecareluv · 2 years

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heyy love! hope ur doing well :) just wanted to kinda rant here because i consider your blog to be an extremely safe space

so im losing all friends :( well, kinda.. ive made a few new ones too.. but these girls ive known them since 3rd grade and we used to be so close and do everything together and then the pandemic happened and i kinda lost touch with them since none of us really had phones yet back then.. but they still stayed in touch and now since everything has gone back to normal they're all still best of friends and im just kinda there.. but the fact that hurts me the most is that its not only that things have gotten awkward because we haven't really spoken but that they don't seem interested in "having me back" and idk im not able to accept these changes like my heart aches everytime i see them together. i don't even really try to approach them either because its awkward and they don't try to include me in things even when im around :(

btw pls feel free to take ur time to reply to this or not reply at all! i understand and just typing it all out helped a little so you're good <3

hi luv! it really makes me so happy that you consider this a safe space. <3

i’m so sorry that you are currently going through all of this. i know how hard it can be to lose some of your closest friends. from my own personal experience i can say your heart is going to hurt for some time and that’s okay, give it the time it needs to heal. i will say though during that time try not focus on them and keep up with everything they’re doing. (i’ve made that mistake of constantly checking ex-bestfriend’s pages & watching their stories, and it only upset myself further). instead i recommend devoting your time to yourself (do a little self care, treat yourself bby! you deserve it!), focus on your hobbies or maybe try out new ones! spend time with your family & nourishing other (or building new) relationships. and soon enough, you’ll realize you forgot all about them. it’s crazy how abruptly it’ll happen too. at least speaking from my own experience, it was like i was hurting day after day, constantly thinking about how it could’ve been or how i could make things different, and then one day i woke up & i didn’t cry! their names didn’t even cross my mind! and i will be honest, i think a bit part of what helped that to happen was closure. (i know so cliche and what everyone says) but bc i was always thinking about how things could’ve been different or what would happen if i messaged them/what i would say/how they would respond, etc. etc. once i finally did just that, they slowly started to fade from my mind. i was able to move on.

i am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. the universe has a plan for us and even with some of the worst things that have happened to us, they have led us to exactly who & where we are today, exactly where we’re meant to be.

a big part of growing up, as hard as it is at the time, is losing old friendships and making new ones. some people aren’t meant to be apart of your life forever. and especially when you growing up itll happen more than you might would like it to. as you grow up, you grow out of some people and that’s okay. it only means your making room for better ones to come! youre growing & changing, and that’s a good thing! i know sometimes it’s easier to stick with people who you’ve known for so long because there’s a sort of comfort in it; but it’s also okay to let go of those relationships if they don’t serve you any longer. and especially if those people aren’t making an effort to even include you, they don’t deserve your time and energy. screw them for not realizing how amazing you are! but trust me when i say eventually you will find those incredible friends that are going to include you in everything because they want you there, & they will treat you how you deserve & you’re going to have so much fun with them! these old friends will soon become a distant memory.

and who knows, maybe some time in the future you’ll reunite with those friends. it’s happened to me before! i had best friend that i had a falling out with when i was thirteen years old. she eventually apologized, and we would occasionally chat but nothing more than that. now six (almost seven) years later she hit me up, we went for coffee and now we’re friends again! i never would have thought we would be friends, let alone hang out again, but yet here we are! life’s always brings us the unexpected like that. and even though we’re friends again now, and i’m so extremely happy we are, i don’t doubt for a second that all those years apart were necessary for us to grow, become who we are today, and allow us to be better friends to each other now that we might not have been able to be earlier.

anyway… ill stop myself before i write a whole essay (might be too late tho). i hope some of that made sense, i’m realizing now i much i rambled, i apologize. but i hope this helps you in any way. i honestly might not have given any actual good advice, but i hope some of it helps you. just know, you are not alone. so many (including me) have gone thru similar experiences. you will get thru this, my dear! i love you.

if you ever want to chat or rant or anything, just know you have a friend right here <3 never hesitate to send an ask or direct message if you’d prefer that. i will always, always answer. all my love <3

#answered asks

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goatpaste · 4 years

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WC design/headcannon/ect masterlist- Part A

just a list of ALL my designs for headcanons, maybe some design updates, any other comments or AU ideas i have. on main characters and characters with no plot!

These are all the cats who name starts with ‘A’, posting these in alphabetical order to not overload just one list lol

all under the cut >:3

Acorn Fur

my Acorn Fur design changed slightly as she used to be more red saturated and i wanted her to not so much like my Red Claw Design

My biggest Headcanon for her is she absolutely didn’t listen to Moth Flight and ended up giving birth to two kit’s with Red claw as the father. they names are Rain Stone and Oak Stump

Acornpaw

Acornpaw, ancient skyclan warrior

i like the idea of Acornpaw is a decedent of Acorn Fur and one of the last generations of her family that would remember her name

A warrior name i think would be nice for him is Acorndrop

Acorntail

Acorntail, ancient windclan deputy.

i can imagine he was named the way he was being smallest in his litter, losing his tail to a rabbit trap when he’s older

acorntail stick with being deputy for awhile but i can see either he even after training an apprentice can’t keep up with the duties and once again insist that Morningcloud is made deputy. oR acorntail becoming leader as Acornstar and morningcloud or her apprentice Quickpaw being made his deputy

Adderkit

Adderkit, starclan kit who used to live in windclan and died by adder bite, named for it and was avanged by tallstar

I imagine Adderkit was originally named Burrowkit born to Ashfoot and Deadfoot in their first litter with Eaglekit. Adderkit died on Windclans Journey to find a home after shadowclan chased them out.

Adderkit was very young when they died i picture their memory of their living life being EXTREMELY blurry, they know their windclan and they died by an adder. its why they renamed themself, and they barely remember who their mom and dad were.

Adderpaw

Adderpaw, ancient windclan apprentice who was around to the apprentice age limit code

Adderpaw was name for what a good few other ‘adder’ and snake named kits are named for, their tail wiggling around with its patterns look like that of a skinny snake.

Adderpaw Warrior name ideas, Addergrace or Addersnag

Algernon

not much to say beyond i think my design for him looks very funny lol

but my design for him is that he is leucistic

Applefrost

Applefrost, kid of appledusk and reedshine

Named after her piece of shit dad, and raised on one sided stories of him she loved her dad and wanted to be like him as she got older.

She was the first victim of Mapleshade’s hauntings, picking her because she was named after the man who hurt her family and she looks a bit like him.

(applefrost isn’t normally greying on the bottom naturally, this is a side effect on spending so many years training one on one with mapleshade in the dark forest. My crookedstar design also has this) Applefrost knows the name mapleshade and was skeptic to talk to her at first, but opened up and tries to just take what advice she can get from the spirit. Even coming to sympathies with her through learning the truth of her father.

Then one day Mapleshade stopped visiting her, thought Applefrost would never know what happened, there is a reason.

Applefrost was full grown, and so kind even in the face of the warrior who killed her father. And she looked so much like him, yes he ruined her life but maybe this was the price she payed for what she did, to forever feel pain over the lose of someone who didn’t love her.

It was part that, and part..something about the way she looked at mapleshade, and something she said sent her memories flying back to her little petalkit who looked so much like her.

Mapleshade would stop visiting applefrost and move on to another generation of their family.

Applefrost would never tell her siblngs of mapleshade, but would come to disown her own father in starclan. even being friends with petalkit.

Applepaw

daughter of breezepelt and heathertail

mostly in here because i needed to up date her design

she hasn’t received her warrior name yet but should be close in the books

but a name like Applebite or Appleleaf

Ashfoot

Ashfoot, windclan warrior, deputy and mother of crowfeather

i absOLUTLY love ashfoot

i picture her to be a very like ‘badass warrior mom’ she give tough love and you can’t help but totally admire her. She loves her son crowfeather, though if she is honest he tends to disappoint her with how he kinda doesn’t know how to behave

she gets followed around by herds of kits who want to be like her, and her past apprentice’s (which she has many of) call her sheriff (or mom, which is embarrassing but common and crow HATES it)

Her and Deadfoot are VERY lovey dovey, she loves her sweet husband dearly and was distraught when he died. They were best friends growing up as apprentices together and were both name ‘foot’ in sign they always walked paw and paw, being well synced in battle and in life, they were just perfect for each other. so its easy to imagine when Deadfoot died it was like she lost half of herself

Ashfoot has a very long tail, just oh so slightly shorter than talltail, her family is known for their long tail (a trait passed down through being descended of windstar) Long tails are often called a symbol of power or royality in windclan. its very diserable and only tallstar’s tail was longer than hers. Her son crowfeather, and grandson jayfeather both take after thing ten fold with tails you could trip 10 cats with. breezepelt has a longer tail than average but no were near as long as theirs and it dOES kinda make him mad.

Ashfoot also loVES nightcloud, at first when crowfeather told his mom that nightcloud was having his kit’s she was super skeptical, not of nightcloud but of their relationship. she just saw right through it for what it really was. so she mostly didn’t talk to nightcloud for the two month’s she was pregnant, as to avoid getting involved.

but when Nightcloud gives birth and all of her kits but breezepelt die and she is DISTRAUGHT. Crowfeather isn’t helping and doesn’t seem to find any words that comfort her or not make her more upset, so like a big ol man child he turns to his mom and begs her to calm down nightcloud.

and its this moment that Ashfoot find’s herself completely bonded to Nightclouds side, looking at the dark she-cat crying over her lost kittens with her single son mewling for her. Ashfoot herself has had two litters both that only had one survivor, Eaglekit’s litter (eaglekit only made it to paw before he died) and now all she has is crowfeather. Ashfoot stay’s by the queens side and comforts her new daughter in law.

Ashfoot and Nightcloud are close, even when her and crowfeather ultimately don’t work out.

Ashfur

dont have much for him i guess

i hate him lol

i like him more than most other boy cats that i hate lol

he’s just a lil piss baby

iv updated his design a good bit, i thought his old design was really bleh but i havent been able to touch it up till now

i defiantly think him and brambleclaw shoulda been gay

i dont like him with squirrel, BUT if they’de been closer in age i think he and squirrel before ashfur became a fuckin crazy person they would have been better togeather than her and bramble that i don’t understand why she went back to bramble even if she didn’t get with ashfur

alsO i think the only ‘au’ i can like get into is like

Dustpelt mysteriously disappeared, presumed dead by thunderclan and never to be known what happened. Except between him and Ferncloud. id loVe a narrative of Ashfur kills dustpelt after watching the full grown warrior and mentor reefer to Ferncloud as beautiful, finding the behavior absolutely repulsive. Maybe ashfur ends up killing a few other cats who are like this and Ferncloud knows he killed dustpelt but maybe not the others. and it all ends up coming spilling out in the fire, this moment of the three and squirrel learn what he did but now he knows what they did, so their at a stale mate. but ashfur is becoming loser and more erratic in his behavior and hollyleaf kills him before he does something dangerous.

#warrior cats #acorn fur #acornpaw #acorntail #adderkit #adderpaw #algernon #applefrost #applepaw #ashfoot #ashfur

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infinite-xerath · 4 years

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Xerath Interactions For Every Champ

I’ve done this before, but since we have some new characters and reworks, I figure I’d go and give this another shot.

Aatrox: “Just like the empire you served, Aatrox, you are now but a shadow of greatness.”

Ahri: “The temptations of flesh do not sway me, fox.”

Akali: “Flee into your smoke, girl; it will not hide you from me!”

Alistar: “You are not yet free of your chains, minotaur; join me, and reap your revenge!”

Amumu: “Friends will inevitably betray you, child...”

Anivia: “I needed only one rebirth to achieve greatness!”

Annie: “You hold great potential, child...”

Aphelios: “You conjure weapons from another realm? Show me more.”

Ashe: “You would unite your homeland, but I shall unite the world!”

Aurelion Sol: “I acknowledge your strength, star dragon, but I am power incarnate!”

Azir: “Cling to your precious Sun, Azir; I have no more need of it!”

Bard: “You may witness my triumph, storyteller, but do not interfere!”

Blitzcrank: “Such a crude golem...”

Brand: “A power rivaling even my own... I think I shall take it!”

Braum: “Cower behind your shield; it makes no difference!”

Caitlyn: “Mine is the only law that matters!”

Camille: “I will tear that gem from your chest, machine...”

Cassiopeia: “You sought power in the tomb, serpent, and you found me.”

Cho’Gath: “You think to devour me, beast? I welcome you to try!”

Corki: “I shall blast that infernal machine from the sky!”

Darius: “You are the mightiest warrior of Noxus? How underwhelming.”

Diana: “I tore the Sun from the sky. Shall I treat the moon in-kind?”

Dr. Mundo: “Abomination! You dare to approach me?”

Draven: “Look upon me, mortal, and witness TRUE greatness.”

Ekko: “The power to control time, in the hands of a mere child!? I shall rectify this at once.”

Elise: “You think yourself immortal? Allow me to enlighten you.”

Evelynn: “I will teach you TRUE agony, demon.”

Ezreal: “Surrender that gauntlet, boy, or I will claim it from your ashes.”

Fiddlesticks: “Fear? I have cast such emotions aside.”

Fiora: “Nobility means nothing to a god.”

Fizz: “Your childish antics end here, creature!”

Galio: “You consume magic, but even a titan has limits!”

Gangplank: “Yet another dethroned king, grasping for his lost throne...”

Garen: “Crushing Demacia will be child’s play compared to Shurima.”

Gnar: “A primal rage stirs in this whelp... Interesting...”

Gragas: “Such simpletons are beneath my notice.”

Graves: “Another mercenary? Let us put your skills to the test...”

Hecarim: “A horse without its reigns? I shall soon correct that...”

Heimerdinger: “A dull mind with delusions of brilliance.”

Illaoi: “I claimed what was mine. Now, the world will move as I will it!”

Irelia: “Entertain me, dancer. That is your purpose, is it not?”

Ivern: “Your influence in the desert is lacking, ‘green father.’”

Janna: “A guardian that relies on the strength of others is meaningless...”

Jarvan IV: “What is a king to a god, Demacian? Just a man with fleeting authority.”

Jax: “Join me, Icathian, and I will see the Void itself burned!”

Jayce: “You will not be the first hero I crush, nor the last...”

Jhin: “Mad though you may be, I could offer you a greater stage...”

Jinx: “You think you know chaos, girl? Your rampage is but child’s play.”

Kai’Sa: “If a mere mortal can survive the Void, then destroying it will be easier than I imagined...”

Kalista: “Azir made an oath he could never keep; HE is the betrayer!”

Karma: “They say your wisdom is unrivaled, yet you are still foolish enough to stand against me?”

Karthus: “You mistake eternal damnation for eternal greatness, lich.”

Kassadin: “You fight a battle you cannot win; surrender your relics, and I will finish it in your stead.”

Katarina: “Your sister proved most useful, assassin...”

Kayle: “I answer to no judgement but my own!”

Kayn: “You struggle endlessly for control of one-another; I shall put you both out of your misery!”

Kennen: “You are swift as lightning, yordle, but my fury is the storm!”

Kha’Zix: “I stand at the apex of life; you can never hope to reach my level!”

Kindred: “When next I strike down Azir, ensure he does not return!”

Kled: “A mad yordle on a frightful drakalops? Is this meant to be a threat?”

Kog’Maw: “I shall end your hunger... Along with your existence!”

LeBlanc: “Your petty tricks cannot deceive me, witch!”

Lee Sin: “A pity you cannot see the error in opposing me...”

Leona: “No matter how many avatars of the sun stand against me, I shall strike them all down!”

Lillia: “Dreams are but fleeting fantasies; I have no need of them.”

Lissandra: “You think a prison of ice can hold me? You are sorely mistaken.”

Lucian: “Your weapons may banish the dead, but to me, they are little more than toys!”

Lulu: “I sense the most primal of magics within you, yordle. Where did you obtain it?”

Lux: “Your light is but a spark next to me, girl!”

Malphite: “What sort of imbecile gives life to a mountain?”

Malzahar: “You are no prophet, Malzahar; you are merely a puppet!”

Maokai: “You seek to liberate your home from the dead? That can be arranged...”

Master Yi: “A master of the blade is no match for a master of the arcane!”

Miss Fortune: “Your city requires order, and I alone can restore it.”

Mordekaiser: “You may rule the realm of the dead, but Runeterra is MINE!”

Morgana: “If you would embrace chains, then perhaps you may have mine.”

Nami: “A civilization beneath the sea? Interesting...”

Nasus: “Come to face me again, Nasus? It will end no differently than your prior attempts!”

Nautilus: “I do not pay tribute to false gods!”

Neeko: “My essence is too great for you to handle, trickster.”

Nidalee: “Human, beast, it matters not; you will bow all-the-same!”

Nocturne: “My nightmares ended long ago, demon. Now, yours begin!”

Nunu and Willump: “Naive child. You are merely a pawn, just as I was once...”

Olaf: “No death will immortalize your name, fool; I alone am eternal!”

Orianna: “To preserve your life, you became a mere husk... I almost pity you, machine.”

Ornn: “Forge for me a weapon to shatter these chains, mountain god!”

Pantheon: “You will fall before me, Targonian, just as Asose did...”

Poppy: “The world I create shall have no need of heroes.”

Pyke: “Your mind is already shattered. Now, I shall break the rest of you!”

Qiyana: “Power? Authority? Let me teach you what those words truly mean, child!”

Quinn: “Tell Demacia what you have found, scout. Whatever defenses they prepare, I WILL break!”

Rakan: “Human, vastaya, it matters not; I shall reign over both!”

Rammus: “The beast of legend... Come, let us see if your stories hold true!”

Rek’Sai: “When I am rid of you, the Great Sai will be mine!”

Rell: “Pledge your power to me, child, and let us dismantle Noxus together...”

Renekton: “Do you still recall who imprisoned us, Renekton? Do not forget the root of your hatred...”

Rengar: “I can offer you elusive prey, hunter; her name is Sivir...”

Riven: “You would challenge me with a broken blade? Are all Noxians so foolish?”

Rumble: “Yordles are said to be honored creatures. Looking upon you, I fail to see why.”

Ryze: “The World Runes must be kept from mortal hands... That is why I shall harness their power!”

Samira: “You say I destroyed your home? You will have to be more specific...”

Sejuani: “You survived the harshness of your homeland, just as I survived mine...”

Senna: “Darkness, light, it matters not; no power can rival my own!”

Seraphine: “You seek to unite your home? I will unite the WORLD, child.”

Sett: “You fight for entertainment? Very well... Entertain me.”

Shaco: “I will not indulge your twisted games, jester. Perish!”

Shen: “I alone can bring stability to this world.”

Shyvana: “Such power... Why do you waste it in service to imbeciles?”

Singed: “You are little more than a walking corpse; I will return you to the grave!”

Sion: “You think you know rage? The Butcher shall enlighten you...”

Sivir: “The kin of Azir, wielding the Chalicar... You cannot be allowed to live!”

Skarner: “So the Brackern are more than a fable... But only just.”

Sona: “A fine instrument... Go on then. Play for your emperor.”

Soraka: “You bound yourself to flesh and blood, but I have surpassed it!”

Swain: “Vision, might, guile... I am the embodiment of your ideals, general.”

Sylas: “You and I are much alike... Stand with me, and Demacia WILL fall.”

Syndra: “Your magic is potent, Syndra, but your mind is dull and clouded!”

Tahm Kench: “You have nothing to offer me, demon. Begone from my sight!”

Taliyah: “You will tell me where she went, child, or I will pry it from your dying breaths!”

Talon: “You are not the first assassin I have faced...”

Taric: “My radiance far surpasses any gem, Targonian.”

Teemo: “Your tricks cannot hide you forever, yordle...”

Thresh: “No prison can hold me, least of all your frail lantern.”

Tristana: “You wish to become a soldier? That can be arranged...”

Trundle: “You think yourself clever, troll? That you would provoke me says otherwise.”

Tryndamere: “Mightier warriors have failed to best me. You shall fare no better.”

Twisted Fate: “You confuse petty tricks for magic, gambler. That was your greatest and final mistake!”

Twitch: “It seems the Voidborn are not the only vermin I must exterminate...”

Udyr: “Do you truly control the spirits within, or do they control you?”

Urgot: “I am the ONLY one with the might to stand above all others.”

Varus: “A mighty Sunborn, reduced to a squabbling trio of corpses...”

Vayne: “YOU are Demacia’s protector from darkness? This will be easier than I had imagined...”

Veigar: “You think yourself evil incarnate? How amusing...”

Vel’Koz: “Not even YOUR twisted mind could fathom the secrets I possess.”

Vi: “To think a city that prides itself on brilliance would birth a brute such as you...”

Viego: “You are but the shadow of a man clinging to petty emotions; you are CERTAINLY no king.”

Viktor: “I alone have achieved perfection, and perfection cannot be copied.”

Vladimir: “I congratulate you on your mastery of the most primitive spellcraft known to man.”

Volibear: “Even the storm bends to my will!”

Warwick: “Another dog to hound me? I shall return you to your leash!”

Wukong: “No level of skill may rival pure power, ape!”

Xayah: “Human, vastaya, it matters not; I shall reign over both!”

Xin Zhao: “They say your will is unbreakable... I beg to differ.”

Yasuo: “What do you know of the girl called Taliyah?”

Yone: “You come to me seeking answer? Prove you are worthy of them!”

Yorick: “You would fight the undead... By raising the undead? Imbecile.”

Yuumi: “The book shall be mine, cat!”

ZAC: “What manner of twisted sorcery gave rise to an abomination such as this?”

Zed: “I will burn away your shadows and armor, and expose you for the weakling you are!”

Ziggs: “I may have use for weapons such as yours...”

Zilean: “You saved your people from the Void, only to imprison them beyond time? Icathia truly was a land of fools...”

Zoe: “Celestial magic is not a plaything, girl!”

Zyra: “The desert is no place you. Return to the jungle, or be pruned.”

#Taunts #Xerath taunts #Yup I did another one #Every single Champ #Hoo boy

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theoriquewitherseld · 4 years

Note

Heck I DO wanna know more! I'm super interested in thia fic 👀

OK I am SUPER happy receiving this ask, but alas all I can offer is a lot of excerpts,, more under the cut

When Jacques arrives at Stain'd, he finds the records to be VERY accurate: it's a deadzone. That would likely explain the weird look the conductor gave him when he requested to get off. There's no longer anybody here

Back then there must have been some, perhaps, in order to enact Lem's apprenticeship. But he still regards the situation with an air of apprehension. Large chunk of reports were missing, reports that were leading up to his disappearance. It could be that VFD hid it, of course, but intentional or not, its denominator remains the same: something monumentally terrible occured for that to happen.

And he will have to walk straight to it. Or at least, its aftermath.

The rattle of the train leaving startles him, and he shakes off his nerves. He wants so badly to get back on the train, jump on the railings perhaps but the rear has gotten quite a distance away. He's already alone.

(Oh God I just realized I have no idea what people do after they get off trains. Should there be like people taking ur tickets or something?? Ive been on a train only once and that was super long ago)

The Stain'd Station was utterly deprived of life. Everything was cracked and looked in the danger of falling apart. Litter and dirt was strewn all around. There was no place that Jacques just wanted more to bail out of immediately (except, perhaps, that one wasp-infested area but that is besides the point). It unnerves him, to listen to the echoes of his footsteps in the abandoned station, with its business nothing more than a ghost of its past. It rattles him more than the rattle of train wheels on the tracks. But he trudges on, hoping to find some clue.

Out on the street was no better. All buildings were boarded up, some windows smashed. Brown grass was growing out of the sidewalks. There was few vehicles on the side of the road: a brown rusty one with its hood popped up and its insides gone, a yellow cab so terribly dented, and a black one with its paint job scratched and all four of its tires missing. It was a miserable place, not fit for any human life, much less an apprenticeship. He grimaces in dismay. This is where they dumped his brother? Even as a containment procedure, it was a bit much. No person should be in this place.

But that wasn't the most pressing issue. The most pressing issue is where to start. He does not have the faintest idea where he is in this desolate town, much less where his brother stayed for the duration in the past — except for the address of The Lost Arms. But that information was useless without a map, and every other map he scoured to know about the town has vehemently insisted that Stain'd-By-The-Sea does not exist. Whether VFD has already tampered with those maps, he can not tell.

He had hoped there may be a clue in there, some forgotten item, a thing accidentally left behind. But with no map, his best course of action is to simply search every establishment and hope for serendipity. Not all of the best things are necessarily good things.

He hears a rumble of an engine.

His gaze snaps upwards, puzzled if whether or not he had imagined it. Then he can see the yellow dented cab making its way towards him at a snail's pace. Jacques's heart stops, and gripped his suitcase until his knuckles turned white. It was a trusty little suitcase, filled with tools and files that are of great use of him, but he's not so sure if it were of any use against a damned ghost cab. If it were really a ghost. If Kit was here, she would've scoffed at him. But he's not really feeling up to an argument, not when his feet was stuck to the pavement, body frozen into place. He stares, heart pounding like there was no tomorrow as the taxi pulls up to its side, exactly right in front of him, and stops.

But then the window rolls down, and Jacques felt very, very foolish, but immensely relieved, as it reveals a worn and much younger face of a boy with a busted blue cap.

"Well, hello there friend," he says, with a voice just as tired. "Another visitor was the last thing we expected, but —" he gives a small shrug, "— here we are. Need a taxi?"

It took him a moment to realize how stupid he looked with his mouth gaping open. "I-I'm sorry," Jacques stammered, once he found his voice. "We?"

Another younger face pops up from below the young driver, and Jacques nearly jumps in surprise. "That would be us, the Bellerophon brothers," he reveals with a squeaky but cracked voice. "I'm Pecuchet, and this—" he points upward, and his brother tipped his hat at him, " — is Bouvard, but that makes people's tongue tired, so you can call him Pip, and me, Squeak."

The driver known as "Pip" frowned. "Are you alright though? You've looked like you've seen a ghost."

His eyes fluttered. "Er — Yes, yes, I... I am afraid I also didn't expect anyone to come here either." He tips his white hat at them in turn. "Greetings to you, I am Ja— James Moore."

Internally, he cringed. It was a sloppy pseudonym, but he can't risk revealing who he is in the potential situation VFD managed to track his trail, they wouldn't be able to hold incriminating evidence against him. Curiously, it didn't arouse much suspicion from the odd duo, except for a slight tilt of the head.

"Well, nice to meet you Mr. Moore. Do you need a ride anywhere?"

Jacques is not quite sure what to think of climbing into a cab with kids of odd names in an abandoned town. However, his relief in discovering that there is fellow life, inexplicable as it is, and a likelier possibility of gaining information triumphed over whatever reservations he had at the moment. In the pursuit of his search, with its very nonexistent lead, he'd take anything.

"I'd like to go to the Lost Arms please."

"Sure," Pip reached out behind him and opened the door. "Hop in."

He pauses, and then climbs in and closes it shut, and soon enough, the two brothers drive away from the Station with startlingly expert hands on both wheel and brakes. Jacques is fairly impressed at their coordination.

"Say," Pip starts, once they got a quite the distance away. "Apologies if it sounds prying, friend, but out of curiosity, what business does a stranger have with Stain'd-By-The-Sea?"

That shook him out of his stupor. Idiotically, he hasn't prepared for that, he was ascertain there won't be anyone here, he even got business cards and all but it's not in his suitcase (which he wants to smack himself on). His mind blanks for a moment, but he manages to scramble an answer that isn’t necessarily a lie nor a truth. "I am private investigator hired to search for someone last seen in this town."

Pip looked at him through the rearview mirror, which was a bit dirty and cracked. "Oh? That certainly does explain why someone wants to be in this town."

Jacques didn't bother to clarify he does NOT want to be here at all, but he nods his head instead.

He expertly steered the wheel. "You wouldn't happen to be allowed the details no? Sorry, but interesting things have rarely happened here since..."

"I'm afraid not, no," Jacques blinks. That felt off. "Speaking of visitors, you haven't happened to have driven someone around lately no?"

"Until you came along? Not one for the past year. No outsiders at the very least."

He deflates a little, but he's unsurprised. So he really wasn't here recently. He was about ask more, when the taxi came to a stop in front of a shabby and derelict building he would presume to be the Lost Arms.

Once again, Pip reached out to open the door for him. "Here we are then, Mr. Moore."

"Thank you," he says, retrieving his wallet. "How much is the fare?"

Pip blinked in surprise. Then his eyes flickered towards the wallet, and his eyes widened further. "Huh, I never expected a paying customer today either."

It puzzles him so much that he tilts his head. Did they just let him ride as a charity? "Well, it's only natural to pay for a service, no?"

He just shrugged. "It's alright. Keep the money, it's not gonna be much use anyways, with the state of the town. You may wanna give that to the proprietor though —" he nods to the building, "— Prosper Lost."

"Well, I shan't dare to think of leaving this taxi without giving something in return," Jacques insisted.

"How about a tip then?"

"A tip?" he frowns. "A tip what?"

"Anything really, s'long as its useful."

That got him thinking. He thought of giving them a tip of accepting money when they get it and leave this terrifying place, but decided against. He then looks up.

"Here's a tip, there's this book that..." he trails off, feeling a painful lump form in his throat. "That my associate enjoys. Champion of the World, heard of it?"

Ellington feels the bitter sweetness on her tongue. The air was damp and cold after the shower, having ceased into droplets. Everything reminded her the cool greens and blues of a watercolor painting. At the distance, the light of the morning sun peaks through. She's glad she's getting some pieces of her back, but some of the damage will be permanent, and some things are just lost forever. Seeing the Association and strangers and natives to Killdeer fields all work together to set things right was amazing, but also drove home on the tragedy of Armstrong Feint, whose pursuit of vengeance blinded him, destroyed himself and set back hopes of recovery for years. The pain he inflicted was an unnecessary cruelty, that if he had bothered to spare, even the tinniest bit of mercy and offered his help, he would've witnessed the return of the sea and the recovery of the environment, and they could've been together.

But he had made a decision. All of their parents did — the Mallahans, the Hixes, the Knights, the Bellerophons, the Losts. What's done is done.

She remembers a line that her father read her once, many years ago. It was the book where Snicket claimed a wizard was not so very helpful, and that her father loved because of its elaborate descriptions of trees. Many elaborate description of trees.

"'I wish it need not have happened in my time,' said Frodo." Ellington murmurs to herself.

"'So do I,' said Gandalf, 'and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.'"

She stares at the sky.

But there was a knock at the door

They both froze. Moxie is still on the phone — with who, Kellar didn't hear.

It could be anyone, Kellar thought, perhaps some coworkers who forgot their stuff, or has the intention to work overtime. It may even be some neighbor, asking for help or providing assistance. It could even be a fellow Associate. There's no reason really, to think there could be enemies on the other side.

But he walked anyway. His breathing far too loud and uneven, yet his pace cautious and fearful. He calls out, "Who's there?"

No answer.

"I'm warning you," he says slowly, attempting to keep the tremble out of his voice, "that I'm armed."

Silence. It's a blatant lie of course, but no matter how he strained his ears, he still can't hear anyone walking away. They’re not fooled.

He motions to Moxie to get ready to run. A few seconds, he could buy that. Enough seconds to scramble whatever data they need and bolt like hell. Kellar doesn't see if she saw it.

The door is inches away from him now. His heart pounded in his chest. His hands carefully placed on the dark wood, and he looked into the peephole.

Kellar had barely moved his head in time just to dodge the blast shot that would've blown away bits of his brain, but had blown off half of his right ear instead.

He screamed, it hurt, hurt worse than anything he'd known and he's sure he's lost his hearing there, but he let the wound bleed and instead ducked and braced himself against the door to keep them from opening it. "Moxie run!"

"Look at him. Look. At. Him." Pip hissed, and Squeak looked at them with an air of innocence. "You think that's an angel?? A beacon of innocence?? Wrong. That's bastard incarnate. The single source of maliciousness on this earthly realm. Look. Look how evil he looks. He's a little prick."

"Frankly, I'd love to have a sibling," Cleo said.

Kellar looked at her as if she said something deranged and jabs a thumb towards Lizzie. "No, you don't. I love my sister, but you think she won't sell me off to the circus first chance she gets?" He shook his head. "Think again."

"Dibs."

"What the—" Moxie then scowled. "That was too fast."

Snicket just shrugged. "I have two older siblings, Moxie. The true nature of siblings... Is natural selection."

"Are you certain you should be using big boy words like that?" Ellington asked, bemused. "I'm fairly certain you can't even differentiate a crocodile and an alligator."

"If I may introduce you to my family," Jacques says.

He points to Kit emerging from his side. "— Parasite number one—".

And he points to Snicket as he emerges from the other. "— and Parasite number two."

"Alright, does anyone have any questions?" Jacques asks tiredly.

They all raise their hands.

"That isn’t sarcastic," he snaps.

They all lowered their hands, disappointed.

Jacques sighs. "Lizzie, you've got the stage."

"Just what time is it?" Ellington inquires, exhausted.

"Hang on," Kit smiled, and instead of whipping out a clock, she instead produces a clarinet. She took a deep breath, and blew. Before she could even make it to the second note, they look up at the ceiling— startled— suddenly hearing a very muffled but very clear yell from Jacques, Kit, are you seriously playing the clarinet at 2 IN THE DAMN MORNING.

They look down. Kit still has a devilish smile plastered.

"It's 2 am," she announces.

#ask #asks #atwq #all the wrong questions #the association au #snicket snippets #my writing

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fruiitycas · 4 years

Note

Hello, I would love to know about the dtscu; can you please enlighten me? ❤️️

oh of course i love spreading the good word of our lord taylor swift. the dtscu refers to the “destiel taylor swift cinematic universe” and is a collection of songs that ms swift has written that I think directly apply to destiel (its okay ms swift i saw your lyrics you can come out as a destiel shipper). i also tag destiel edits that use taylor swift songs/lyrics to make a whole collection of works that ppl have made that combine t swift w destiel.

this is the link to the playlist with all the destiel songs in my dtscu. (more details under the cut)

some notable additions to the playlist:

dont blame me (Echoes, love your name inside my mind / Halo, hiding my obsession // baby, for you, I would fall from grace / Just to touch your face // Don't blame me, love made me crazy / If it doesn't, you ain't doin' it right / Lord, save me, my drug is my baby / I’d be usin' for the rest of my life)

peace (And you know that I'd swing with you for the fences / Sit with you in the trenches / Give you my wild, give you a child / Give you the silence that only comes when two people understand each other / Family that I chose now that I see your brother as my brother / Is it enough? / ‘Cause there's robbers to the east, clowns to the west / I’d give you my sunshine, give you my best / But the rain is always gonna come if you're standing with me / But I'm a fire and I'll keep your brittle heart warm / If your cascade ocean wave blues come / All these people think love's for show / But I would die for you in secret / The devil's in the details, but you got a friend in me / Would it be enough if I could never give you peace?)

false god (Remember how I said I'd die for you? // They say the road gets hard and you get lost when you're led by blind faith // But we might just get away with it / Religion's in your lips / Even if it's a false god / We'd still worship / We might just get away with it / The altar is my hips / Even if it's a false god / We'd still worship this love)

sparks fly

safe and sound

ivy (How's one to know? / I’d meet you where the spirit meets the bones In a faith forgotten land / In from the snow / Your touch brought forth an incandescent glow Tarnished but so grand // Oh, goddamn / My pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand / Taking mine, but it's been promised to another / Oh, I can't / Stop you putting roots in my dreamland / My house of stone, your ivy grows / And now I'm covered in you // How's one to know? / I’d live and die for moments that we stole / On begged and borrowed time // it's a war / It's the goddamn fight of my life / And you started it / You started it)

this love (In silent screams / In wildest dreams / I never dreamed of this // This love is good / This love is bad / This love is alive back from the dead / These hands had to let it go free, and This love came back to me / This love left a permanent mark / This love is glowing in the dark / These hands had to let it go free, and This love came back to me)

cowboy like me (You're a bandit like me / Eyes full of stars / Hustling for the good life / Never thought I'd meet you here / It could be love / We could be the way forward / And I know I'll pay for it / And the skeletons in both our closets / Plotted hard to mess this up // Now you hang from my lips Like the Gardens of Babylon / With your boots beneath my bed / Forever is the sweetest con / I’ve had some tricks up my sleeve / Takes one to know one / You're a cowboy like me / And I'm never gonna love again / I’m never gonna love again)

there are also notable subsections:

The Divorce Arc:

i wish you would (I wish you would come back / Wish I'd never hung up the phone like I did / I wish you knew that / I’d never forget you as long as I'd live / And I wish you were right here, right now It's all good / I wish you would / I wish we could go back / And remember what we were fighting for / Wish you knew that / I miss you too much to be mad anymore)

my tears ricochet (I didn't have it in myself to go with grace / ‘Cause when I'd fight, you used to tell me I was brave / And if I'm dead to you, why are you at the wake? / Cursing my name, wishing I stayed / Look at how my tears ricochet / And I can go anywhere I want / Anywhere I want, just not home / And you can aim for my heart, go for blood / But you would still miss me in your bones / And I still talk to you when I'm screaming at the sky)

i almost do (And I just wanna tell you / It takes everything in me, not to call you / And I wish I could run to you / And I hope / you know that every time I don't / I almost do)

all you had to do was stay

death by a thousand cuts

story of us (This is looking like a contest / Of who can act like they care less / But I liked it better when you were on my side // Now I'm standing alone in a crowded room / And we're not speaking / And I'm dying to know / Is it killing you like it's killing me? // And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now)

the other side of the door (tell me why you couldn't see That when I left I wanted you to chase after me? / I said leave but all I really want is you / To stand outside my window, throwing pebbles, screaming I'm in love with you / Wait there in the pourin' rain, come back for more / And don't you leave 'cause I know all I need is on The other side of the door)

come back…be here (this is when the feeling sinks in, I dont wanna miss you like this / Come back… be here)

The Widower arc/ Post 15x18:

haunted ( I know, I just know You're not gone, you can't be gone, no // Come on, come on, don't leave me like this / I thought I had you figured out / Can't breathe whenever you're gone / Can't go back, I'm haunted / You and I walk a fragile line / I have known it all this time)

marjorie (What died didn't stay dead / You're alive, you're alive in my head / What died didn't stay dead // You're alive, so alive // If I didn't know better / I’d think you were still around / I know better / But I still feel you all around / I know better / But you're still around)

Cas to Dean:

tied together with a smile (no one knows / That you cry; but you don't tell anyone / That you might not be the golden one / And you're tied together with a smile / But you're coming undone // I guess it's true that love was all you wanted / ‘Cause you're givin' it away like it's extra change / Hoping it will end up in his pocket)

innocent (Wasn't it beautiful when you believed in everything / And everybody believed in you? / It's alright, just wait and see / Your string of lights is still bright to me / Oh, who you are is not where you've been / You're still an innocent // Did some things you can't speak of / But at night you live it all again)

enchanted (This is me praying that this was the very first page / Not where the story line ends / My thoughts will echo your name, until I see you again / These are the words I held back, as I was leaving too soon/ I was enchanted to meet you)

everything has changed (all ive seen since 18 hrs ago is green eyes and freckles and your smile in the back of my mind making me feel like i just wanna know you better now)

mirrorball(Hush / I know they said the end is near / But I'm still on my tallest tiptoes / Spinning in my highest heels, love / Shining just for you // I'm still a believer but I don't know why / I've never been a natural / All I do is try, try, try / I’m still on that trapeze / I’m still trying everything / To keep you looking at me )

Dean to Cas:

untouchable (I know you're saying / That you'd be here / But you're Untouchable / burning Brighter than the sun / Now that you're close / I feel like coming undone)

mine (You learn my secrets and you figure out why I'm guarded / You say we'll never make my parents' mistakes // Do you remember, we were sittin' there, by the water? / You put your arm around me, for the first time / You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter / You are the best thing, that's ever been mine )

state of grace (So you were never a saint / And I've loved in shades of wrong / We learn to live with the pain / Mosaic broken hearts / But this love is brave and wild / And I never saw you coming / And I'll never be the same)

this is me trying (This is very specifically The Trap!Dean) (Pulled the car off the road to the lookout / Could've followed my fears all the way down / And maybe I don't quite know what to say / But I'm here in your doorway / I just wanted you to know / That this is me trying / I just wanted you to know / That this is me trying / They told me all of my cages were mental / So I got wasted like all my potential / And my words shoot to kill when I'm mad / I have a lot of regrets about that)

the archer (Combat, I'm ready for combat / I say I don't want that, but what if I do? / ‘Cause cruelty wins in the movies / I’ve got a hundred thrown-out speeches I almost said to you // And all of my heroes die all alone / Help me hold onto you / I've been the archer / I’ve been the prey / Screaming, who could ever leave me, darling? / But who could stay? // Who could stay? / You could stay)

#ask #theirprofoundbond #dtscu #destiel

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fading-lace · 4 years

Text

“goodbye”

[todoroki X female!reader]

Warnings: swearing, angst, inevitable sadness, small suicide mention, small suicide themes

summary: it was time to tell him how you have really been feeling this last year, sadness, depression, anger, hatred, envy, alone, unloved,

A/N: idk, i just got a random wave of angst so,,,here you go. :)

you were sitting at your kitchen table, crying your eyes out. why did it have to be like this? it was so unfair...

Shoto Todoroki, your ex boyfriend from a year ago. he broke up with you because he “lost feelings.” bullshit. he just used you to get to another girl, and you were stupid enough to fall into his trap. the media didn’t help either, with both of you being pro heroes...it didn’t take long for everyone to find out about your breakup.

and now here you were, crying and clutching onto a wedding invitation like you were choking the air out of it. he had the audacity to invite you to his wedding, full well knowing of your past relationship. none the less, you went to the wedding, You were gonna tell him how you have felt this past year.

making it to the wedding, you wanted to barf. seeing him already was sickening enough, what were you going to do when you saw his bride? reluctantly you stayed, mingling with old classmates and other pro heroes.

“(Y-Y/N?)? is that you?” you herd a voice call you.

you turned around to see no other than your best friend, Tsuyu Asui. or better known as ‘The rainy season hero: froppy.’ you haven’t seen her ever since your breakup, you pretty much stopped seeing anyone after that day.

“t-tsu!! its so nice to see you again!!” you cheered while giving her a hug.

the girl smiled and hugged back before pulling away to fully see you again. “are you doing ok? you haven’t seen anyone of us ever since you broke up with Todoroki, ribbit”

you sighed, inevitably knowing this was gonna be brought up. “i-ive been doing great actually!! i mean...about ten mental breakdown a week, but thats normal anyways...so, what about you?”

she stuck out her tongue slightly as she put a finger to her chin and looking away, making her seem like she was deep in thought.

“everything has been pretty normal, nothing really exiting has happened yet..”

you nodded and hummed in agreement, i guess everything was doing fine without you, wonderful. what a perfect way to make you hate yourself even more.

your conversation with your friend was interrupted by Izuku, todoroki’s best man it looks like, telling us to take our seats for the wedding. i growled under my breath, not wanting this to happen. not one bit.

i took a seat next to Tsuyu and patently waited for the ceremony to start. everyone turned their heads to watch everyone walk in from the outside. first it was Izuku with Mina, Kirishima with Jirou, Denki with Uraraka, and Iida with Momo. everyone had similes on their faces, while you didn’t. you didn’t want to be here at all,

but then the moment you dreaded came, she walked out, with her white dress and her beautiful hair down and curled up, her vial following behind her as her dad walked the bride down the aisle. everyone stood up, but you refused, you would not show respect to her. not. at. all.

she f i n a l l y reached todoroki as the priest began the ceremony, saying his things he asked the bride to say her vows.

“Shoto Todoroki, i love you so much and i am so thankful to become a Todoroki. you make me feel so happy and you make me smile more than anyone can. i can’t wait to grow old with you, i want to be together forever, and maybe even start a family...i cant imagine what my life would be like without you, Shoto...” she said as she slipped his ring on his finger.

“i, Shoto Todoroki, love you so much also. i have had relationships in the past and i thought they were the perfect one. turns out they weren’t. you are the perfect one for me. i love you so much and i will be willing to sacrifice anything to make you happy, i love your smile, your laugh, your everything. i want to start a family with you. i want to grow old with you. and after today we can do that, i love you so, so, so, so much...” Todoroki spoke while also slipping on her ring.

damn those words h u r t to hear. ‘i have had relationships in the past and thought they were the perfect one. turns out they weren’’t’

he directed that towards you, making everyone oblivious to your past and think he is just talking about high school crushes. what a douche bag.

the priest looked into the crowd before saying, “speak now, or forever hold your peace!!”

well this was your time to shine, you stood up and walked out into the aisle so then you could be seen better.

“(Y-Y/N)? w-what are you doing?” todoroki asked, shock filled in his voice and eyes.

“Shoto Todoroki, my ex. must be nice to be in love huh? you said you were in love with me, what happened? found another bitch to fuck instead?”

everyone gasped as todoroki took a protective stance in front of the girl.”(Y/N) what is this about?”

“what is this about? ha! its about you of course!!! silly you!!! apparently you can’t remember what you did to me that day, one year ago. you told me you lost feelings when literally the next day you started dating that spoiled brat. you failed to notice how i felt. you broke me, i graciously handed you my heart, my love, and you didn’t want it. instead you took a knife and stabbed it many, many, many times. you lied to me. you could of grown some fucking balls and could of asked her out. but nooooooooooo you had to be a back stabbing prick!! this past year i have been in my house, crying myself to sleep every night. contemplating suicide, falling into a even deeper depression, and even trying to commit suicide!!! i love you Shoto!!! i loved you so very very very much!!! and yet you still chose to fall for that fat ass bitch!!!”

everyone was speechless, nothing to say at your outburst. yes it was disrespectful, mean, and horrible. but you had to get your feelings out.

finally todoroki deiced to speak up. “you need to realize, its time to move on. maybe if you weren’t so obsessed with me and actually cleaned yourself up. maybe, just maybe someone would love you.”

this took you aback and made others gasp audibly. “you dont understand” i said with tears in my eyes. who the fuck does he think he is for telling me that no one was able to love me?

“oh so i don’t understand now, what are you? a angsty teenager? get over yourself”

that was the last straw.

“listen here jackass!!! i did everything i could in our relationship to make it last!!! you just used me!! you dont understand how i feel!!! i feel betrayed!! because i was!! maybe it was a mistake even having a crush on you!!! i should of ended my feelings before it escalated!!! i hate you todoroki!!! i hate you!!! i hope you die a slow, horrible, gruesome death!!! and then i will be dancing and spitting on your grave!!! how dare you disrespect me like that!!! how dare you disrespect a women!! go buy some fucking respect women juice because you clearly need it!!!! so stop acting like the spoiled, rich ass two-year old you are, and fucking realize what you did wrong and apologize!!!” you screamed

everyone looked at me like you was insane, maybe you were. who knows?

“get out.” was all he said.

“fine, goodbye bitches. good riddance!!” you said as you walked out. flipping them off with both hands.

you felt better getting that off of your chest. maybe you shouldn’t of done it at a wedding. but they both deserved the wedding crash.

A/N: idk how to end this...but yea...i was feeling really angsty and was just like “why not?” it probably is trash but whatever- :p ;-;

#todoroki shouto #todoroki angst #todoroki x reader #bnha #anime #manga #mha todoroki #x reader #angst

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descendants-one-shot2 · 3 years

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Hey! This is me and my friends joint account and this is our first post so here are some prompts you can send us with a descendants character(s) and we'll try to write a one-shot about it! Thank you and go follow our personal tumblrs at @blue-freckels @07-18yess

“I already see it now, you weren't built for backing down”

“You have to understand that The one I killed is me Changing what I was For what you wanted me to be”

“You'd probably punch my arm right now If you saw this tear rollin' down my face hey, man, I'm tryin' to be tough”

“my high school ring will have to do 'Til I can buy a wedding band”.

“She couldn't be at home in the night time because It made her feel alone, but at that time she was too young”

“I met you in the dark, you lit me up you made me feel as though I was enough”

“Hate to ask, but what's it like to leave me behind?”

“ I won't be like you”

“I'm more than my body you can pack your things up, buh bye, just go”

“If you see the boy I used to be could you tell him that I'd like to find him And if you see the shell that's left of me could you spare him a little kindness”

“I know you think I got it all figured out 'Cause I walk around like my head's in the clouds but I'm just a boy with his heart pourin' out of his head”

“But I'm causing you so much frustration and you only want the best from me”

“Youre trembling…”

“Youre ignoring all your problems”

“Dont do this to yourself”

“Stop pushing everyone away!”

“Youre a monster”

“Its midnight, where the hell where you!?”

“Where did all those bruises come from”

“You really need to stop drinking, im serious!”

“Sometimes i wish that i could just fall asleep and never wake up”

“They cant do anything to me, i have nothing left”

“Put that knife down…”

“Youre either with me or against me”

“When was the last time you ate?”

“Why arnt you eating?”

“What were you thinking!”

“Im starting to think that you want to get yourself killed…”

“I love you”

“I hear you talking but i still dont have my coffee”

“Youre bad for me, but ive always liked junk food”

“Were from two very different worlds” “so lets build a bridge”

“I hate You!” “aww i love you too”

“Youre gonna hate me if i tell you”

“Youre my best friend”

“Im sorry”

“You cant fix me”

“Fucking Magic”

“You have no idea what im going threw”

“Fuck you”

“Are you with me”

“ i drink to escape the pain”

“Youre all i have left in this shitty world”

“Im scared”

“Stay with me”

“Looks like ya got a problem friendo”

“Im always by your side”

“I cant let you do that”

“I love you to much, to leave without you loving me back”

“Why the hell would you do that to yourself”

“Im a monster”

“Did he hurt you…”

“No dont touch me”

“Why did you flinch…..”

“I would never hurt you”

“The scars make you who you are”

“Are those….new”

“Made a wrong turn, once or twice Dug my way out, blood and fire”

“We made these memories for ourselves”

“I swear it will get easier”

“They think i hate them”

“Im not scared of you anymore”

“You are not my father”

“I hate everyone”

“Sing with me”

“Your hair is really soft after you wash it”

“Stop fussing, im just brading your hair”

“If you steal the blankets im gonna put my cold feet on you”

“You are my new pillow”

“Ive known you since… forever, i cant imagin my life without you”

“If it wasnt for you i would be lost, im so lucky you came into my life”

“Youre my bestfriend, youre suppost to deal with the second hand embarrassment”

“You dont have to deal with everything alone”

“You know me better than anyone”

“Ugh- youre sweaty get off”

“We should run away”

“I have no sympathy for a criminal”

“I wasnt planing on asking you but it acured to me that life is short so will you marry me “were 16” so?”

“The dog loves me more”

“Can you stop playing connect the dots with my freckles”

“Together we can do anything

“Who wouldnt be angry, you ate all my cereal”

“I hope you know my name is actually_____”

“Doll~”

”stop touching my neck”

“Where were you when your father told you Boys don't cry,”

“An if theres a next one i hope that she can love him the same”

“Then we won’t make it along, but hey, I guess that’s love”

“But ill leave a message so i’m not alone”

“The day that they took you i wish it was me instead”

“Diamonds they dont turn to dust or fade away”

“I should be happy of course”

“But tomorrow makes me scared”

“I’m ready to forgive you but forgetting is a harder fight”

“I've been praying for forgiveness, you've been praying for my health”

“Does it ever drive you crazy, just how fast the nigh changes”

“Scream and we shout we make up the same day”

“Every jewel on my crown you better believe i earned it”

“I hate you I hate you but i was just kidding myself”

“It kills me how your mind can make you feel so worthless”

“Too tired to fight”

“I gave what i could and the rest was stolen”

“This city never sleeps at night”

“Remember that night”

“I can speak to you by saying nothing at all”

“too young too dumb to know things like love but I know better now”

“What did i do wrong this time, thats parents for you”

“Please don’t come after me”

“We’ll always love you no matter what”

“you'll understand when you love someone”

“An we just pretend i can take it back”

“It didn't always hurt this way”

“Am i messed up, forever flawed, beyond repair, but forever yours”

“You’ve got you peace now, but what about me”

“One last word, one last moment”

“I see my future in you eyes”

“I am not afraid to walk this world alone”

“Nothing you can say an stop me going home”

“Awake and unafraid, asleep or dead”

“You wanna be a loser like me”

“Ill get yo back when im your boss”

“Cause with all that has happened think that we both now the way that the story end

“I got an idea, and i know that it sounds crazy”

“She expected the world”

“Life goes on it get so heavy”

“On the edge of paradise”

“I don’t love yo im just passing the time”

“But who could love me i am out of my mind”

“Beg you to stay”

“Don’t know if you love me or you want me dead”

“Sometimes when i look at you i see my wife”

“Don’t be his friend you know you gonna wake up in his bed in the morning”

“We need you, i needed you”

“That i was nothing but a kid who couldn’t understand it”

“If you really cared for me then why you acting”

“Never planned that one ay i’d be loosing you”

“We made a pact”

“In another life, I woul make you stay”

“I begge you to want me, but you didn't want to”

“know you're in a better place but it's always gonna hurt”

“He's waiting. Hides behind a cigarette”

“I'm your weakest link” “but you're still a part of the chain”

“ mini bars, expensive cars, hotel rooms and new tattoos, and the food Champagne and the private planes, but they don't mean anything, cause the try to truth is out”

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birdlord · 4 years

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Everything I Watched in 2020

We’ll start with movies. The number in parentheses is the year of release, asterisks denote a re-watch, and titles in bold are my favourite watches of the year. Here’s 2019’s list.

01 Little Women (19)

02 The Post (17)

03 Molly’s Game (17)

04 * Doctor No (62)

05 Groundhog Day (93)

06 *Star Trek IV - The Voyage Home (86)

07 Knives Out (19) My last theatre experience (sob)

08 Professor Marston and his Wonder Women (17)

09 Les Miserables (98)

10 Midsommar (19) I’m not sure how *good* it is, but it does stick in the ol’ brain

11 *Manhattan Murder Mystery (93)

12 Marriage Story (19)

13 Kramer vs Kramer (79)

14 Jojo Rabbit (19)

15 J’ai perdu mon corps (19) a cute animated film about a hand detached from its body!

16 1917 (19)

17 Married to the Mob (88)

18 Klaus (19)

19 Portrait of a Lady on Fire (19) If Little Women made me want to wear a scarf criss-crossed around my torso, this one made me want to wear a cloak

20 The Last Black Man in San Francisco (19)

21 *Lawrence of Arabia (62)

22 Gone With the Wind (39)

23 Kiss Me Deadly (55)

24 Dredd (12)

25 Heartburn (86) heard a bunch about this one in the Blank Check series on Nora Ephron, sadly after I’d watched it

26 The Long Shot (19)

27 Out of Africa (85)

28 King Kong (46)

29 *Johnny Mnemonic (95)

30 Knocked Up (07)

31 Collateral (04)

32 Bird on a Wire (90)

33 The Black Dahlia (05)

34 Long Time Running (17)

35 *Magic Mike (12)

36 Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead (07)

37 Cold War (18)

38 *Kramer Vs Kramer (79) yes I watched this a few months before! This was a pandemic friend group co-watch.

39 *Burn After Reading (08)

40 Last Holiday (50)

41 Fly Away Home (96)

42 *Moneyball (11) I’m sure I watch this every two years, at most??

43 Last Holiday (06) the Queen Latifah version of the 1950 movie above, lacking, of course, the brutal “poor people don’t deserve anything good” ending

44 *Safe (95)

45 Gimme Shelter (70)

46 The Daytrippers (96)

47 Experiment in Terror (62)

48 Tucker: The Man and His Dream (88)

49 My Brilliant Career (79) one of the salvations of 2020 was watching movies “with” friends. Our usual method was to video chat before the movie, sync our streaming services, and text-chat while the movie was on.

50 Divorce Italian Style (61)

51 *Gosford Park (01) another classic comfort watch, fuck I love a G. Park

52 Hopscotch (80)

53 Brief Encounter (45)

54 Hud (63)

55 Ocean’s 8 (18)

56 *Beverly Hills Cop (84)

57 Blow the Man Down (19)

58 Constantine (05)

59 The Report (19) maddening!! How are people so consistently terrible to one another!

60 Everyday People (04)

61 Anatomy of a Murder (58)

62 Spiderman: Homecoming (17)

63 *To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar (95) Of the 90s drag road movies, Priscilla is more visually striking, but this has its moments.

64 Twin Peaks: Fire Walk with Me (92)

65 *The Truman Show (98)

66 Mona Lisa (86)

67 The Blob (58)

68 The Guard (11)

69 *Waiting for Guffman (96) RIP Fred Willard

70 Rocketman (19)

71 Outside In (18)

72 The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (08) how strange to see a movie that you have known the premise for, but no details of, for over a decade

73 *Star Trek: The Undiscovered Country (91)

74 The Reader (08)

75 Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker (19) This was fine until it VERY MUCH WAS NOT FINE

76 The End of the Affair (99) you try to watch a fun little romp about infidelity during the Blitz, and Graham Greene can’t help but shoehorn in a friggin crisis of religious faith

77 Must Love Dogs (05) barely any dog content, where are the dogs at

78 The Rainmaker (97)

79 *Batman & Robin (97)

80 National Lampoon’s Vacation (83) Never seen any of the non-xmas Vacations, didn’t realize the children are totally different, not just actors but ages! Also, this one is blatantly racist!

81 *Mystic Pizza (88)

82 Funny Girl (68)

83 The Sons of Katie Elder (65)

84 *Knives Out (19) another re-watch within the same year!! How does this keep happening??

85 *Scott Pilgrim Vs The World (10) a real I-just-moved-away-from-Toronto nostalgia watch

86 Canadian Bacon (92) vividly recall this VHS at the video store, but I never saw it til 2020

87 *Blood Simple (85)

88 Brittany Runs a Marathon (19)

89 The Accidental Tourist (88)

90 August Osage County (13) MELO-DRAMA!!

91 Appaloosa (08)

92 The Firm (93) Feeling good about how many iconic 80s/90s video store stalwarts I watched in 2020

93 *Almost Famous (00)

94 Whisper of the Heart (95)

95 Da 5 Bloods (20)

96 Rain Man (88)

97 True Stories (86)

98 *Risky Business (83) It’s not about what you think it’s about! It never was!

99 *The Big Chill (83)

100 The Way We Were (73)

101 Safety Last (23) It’s getting so that I might have to add the first two digits to my dates...not that I watch THAT many movies from the 1920s...

102 Phantasm (79)

103 The Burrowers (08)

104 New Jack City (91)

105 The Vanishing (88)

106 Sisters (72)

107 Puberty Blues (81) Little Aussie cinema theme, here

108 Elevator to the Gallows (58)

109 Les Diaboliques (55)

110 House (77) haha WHAT no really W H A T

111 Death Line (72)

112 Cranes are Flying (57)

113 Holes (03)

114 *Lady Vengeance (05)

115 Long Weekend (78)

116 Body Double (84)

117 The Crazies (73) I love that Romero shows the utter confusion that would no doubt reign in the case of any kind of disaster. Things fall apart.

118 Waterlilies (07)

119 *You’re Next (11)

120 Event Horizon (97)

121 Venom (18) I liked it, guys, way more than most superhero fare. Has a real sense of place and the place ISN’T New York!

122 Under the Silver Lake (18) RIP Night Call

123 *Blade Runner (82)

124 *The Birds (62) interesting to see now that I’ve read the story it came from

125 *28 Days Later (02) hits REAL FUCKIN’ DIFFERENT in a pandemic

126 Life is Sweet (90)

127 *So I Married an Axe Murderer (93) find me a more 90s movie, I dare you (it’s not possible)

128 Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner (67)

129 The Pelican Brief (93) 90s thrillers continue!

130 Dick Johnston is Dead (20)

131 The Bridges of Madison County (95)

132 Earth Girls are Easy (88) Geena Davis and Jeff Goldblum are so hot in this movie, no wonder they got married

133 Better Watch Out (16)

134 Drowning Mona (00) trying for something like the Coen bros and not getting there

135 Au Revoir Les Enfants (87)

136 *Chasing Amy (97) Affleck is the least alluring movie lead...ever? I also think I gave Joey Lauren Adams’ character short shrift in my memory of the movie. It’s not good, but she’s more complicated than I recalled.

137 Blackkklansman (18)

138 Being Frank (19)

139 Kiki’s Delivery Service (89)

140 Uncle Frank (20) why so many FRANKS

141 *National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation (89) watching with pals (virtually) made it so much more fun than the usual yearly watch!

142 Half Baked (98) another, more secret Toronto nostalgia pic - RC Harris water filtration plant as a prison!

143 We’re the Millers (13)

144 All is Bright (13)

145 Defending Your Life (91)

146 Christmas Chronicles (18) I maintain that most new xmas movies are terrible, particularly now that Netflix churns them out like eggnog every year.

147 Spiderman: Into the Spider-Verse (18)

148 Reindeer Games (00) what did I say about Affleck??!? WHAT DID I SAY

149 Palm Springs (20)

150 Happiest Season (20)

151 *Metropolitan (90) it’s definitely a Christmas movie

152 Black Christmas (74)

THEATRE:HOME - 2:150 (thanks pandemic)

I usually separate out docs and fiction, but I watched almost no documentaries this year (with the exception of Dick Johnston). Reality is real enough.

TV Series

01 - BoJack Horseman (final season) - Pretty damned poignant finish to the show, replete with actual consequences for our reformed bad boy protagonist (which is more than you can say for most antiheroes of Peak TV).

02 - *Hello Ladies - I enjoy the pure awkwardness of seeing Stephen Merchant try to perform being a Regular Person, but ultimately this show tips him too far towards a nasty, Ricky Gervais-lite sort of persona. Perhaps he was always best as a cameo appearance, or lip synching with wild eyes while Chrissy Teigen giggles?

03 - Olive Kittredge - a rough watch by times. I read the book as well, later in the year. Frances Mcdormand was the best, possibly the only, casting option for the flinty lead. One episode tips into thriller territory, which is a shock.

04 - *The Wire S3, S4, S5 - lockdown culture! It was interesting to rewatch this, then a few months later go through an enormous, culture-level reappraisal of cop-centred narratives.

05 - Forever - a Maya Rudolph/Fred Armisen joint that coasts on the charm of its leads. The premise is OK, but I wasn’t left wanting any more at the end.

06 - *Catastrophe - a rewatch when my partner decided he wanted to see it, too!

07 - Red Oak - resolutely “OK” steaming dramedy, relied heavily on some pretty obvious cues to get across its 1980s setting.

08 - Little Fires Everywhere - gulped this one down while in 14-day isolation, delicious! Every 90s suburban mom had that SUV, but not all of them had the requisite **secrets**

09 - The Great - fun historical comedy/drama! Costumes: lush. Actors: amusing. Race-blind casting: refreshing!

10 - The Crown S4 - this is the season everyone lost their everloving shit for, since it’s finally recent enough history that a fair chunk of the viewing audience is liable to recall it happening.

11 - Ted Lasso - we resisted this one for a while (thought I did enjoy the ad campaign for NBC sports (!!) that it was based on). My view is that its best point was the comfort that the men on the show have (or develop, throughout the season) with the acknowledgement and sharing of their own feelings. Masculinity redux.

12 - Moonbase 8 - Goodnatured in a way that makes you certain they will be crushed.

13 - The Good Lord Bird - Ethan Hawke is really aging into the character actor we always hoped he would be!

14 - Hollywood - frothy wish-fulfillment alternate history. I think the show would have been improved immeasurably by skipping the final episode.

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munsooon · 5 years

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for once the ice cream machine isnt broken

someone asked for a part two to McAngst with a side of Fries and so i ran with it since the event happend like two years ago and ive gone through some character development

its amazing the things distance can do. It had been approximately 3 months since you’d last seen the Doctor. the first month was hard however, getting settled in Earth was already a struggle in itself but the constant nagging thoughts of the Doctor at the back of your head didn't help. you cried yourself to sleep most times, you mostly stayed indoors, curled up in a ball on your couch, old show reruns playing on your television. you indulged in the sadness, knowing if you bottled it all up you’d be a ticking bomb of despair. so thats how you stayed for the first month. sad and miserable. you’re sure you’d cried more in that month than you ever will in your lifetime.

after the sadness came indifference. what happened happened, and as unfortunate and messy the whole ordeal was, you had to move on. there were days were you did great! you went out, hung out with friends, went to your favorite shops and treated yourself to some cute shoes. other days were a little harder, you’d lie if you said that second month your feelings for the Doctor had completely gone. you saw him in everything you did, everywhere you went, the constant though of him was with you. if you saw a squirrel or a cat, you thought about him and the things he’d say. he’d more than likely start communicating with them and then translate the conversation to you. or when you passed by a bakery, you knew if he was there the smell would intrigue him and he’d pull you towards the scent and demand you buy him one. sometimes when you sat at the roof of your apartment, and gazed at the moon and stars, you wondered if he looked at those same stars, and missed you as much as you did him. getting over someone as amazing as the Doctor seemed almost impossible.

almost.

by the third month, the thought of him barely crossed your mind. you were able to really focus on yourself, no nagging at the back of your head. you could really go out an enjoy yourself 100%. it was only then, your heart no longer heavy, mind cleared, that you start missing the universe. you missed the thrill, the chaos, the beauty of it, but you werent going to call and ask if you could go back, your pride wouldnt let you. if it happened it happened, if it didnt you’d just have to find adventure yourself.

but after all that bad shit that has happened to you, you deserved to have some good karma. and so it happened.

it was the holiday season, and the Ponds decided to spend said holidays here on Earth, with you. You were happy of course! they were you best friends and you missed them just as much as the universe. Seeing the Doctor felt surreal, having him flash that smile at you was nice. but thats all it was. nice, there was no flutter of your heart, no butterflies, no shortness of breath, just, nice,

but you shouldve known better, because having the gang altogether called for trouble, and thats exactly what you got. and so off you were, another adventure at your feet. you missed this, them, him. River wasnt here, your dinner didnt last long enough for you to be able to catch up on everything that had happed the last three months. so when the group split, it was just you and Him. if you hadnt taken the time to heal, this- being alone with him- would've been a lot harder. for now you were just trying to catch your breath, gather your thoughts, come up with a plan to save the day.

as you gathered yourself, you could feel his eyes on you, and so you looked up at him. when your eyes met, he gave you a smile, let out a chuckle. “I missed this,” he said, and you raised a brow.”What do you mean, you're constantly running from shit, how could you miss it?” you asked, confused.

He let out a sigh, and let his head fall, his hair falling around his face, covering his eyes. “that’s not-” he took a big breath, “-thats not what i meant.” he still wasnt looking you in the eyes.

“Oh?”

“what i meant was this, running from trouble with you,”

oh fuck

“Doctor..”

“These past months have felt like forever without you,” he finally looked up again, his expression... sad.

you have an idea of where this conversation might be headed, and you wanted him to stop.

“River told me everything,” he said, voice solemn.

you jaw locked, eyebrows furrowed, body tense. you dont care, about him or River or wherever this dumb conversation was going. you were doing good, youve healed, if he truly knew about the situation he should see how good youre doing despite the absolute heartbreak you went through a few months ago, you dont understand why hes saying this.

“Dont,” was all you could say, the fear of the dam breaking too overpowering to let you say anything more.

“When i was with her i thought thats what i wanted, but after a while, without having you there, it just didnt feel right. i figured out it was you, who i wanted. and im an idiot because i’d already known that but i pushed those feelings away- i didnt think you’d like me back. and i felt lost and sad and then something was happening with River and i just let myself get swept away, and it was irrational and in the end i ended up hurting both of you..”

“Doctor, stop.”

“and i think the guilt of how everything happened and not giving you an explanation was too much for her so she told me everything and then everything made sense!” he was pacing, running his hands through his hair, eyes watery.

“Doctor thats enough,” your voice was barely above a whisper, but with those satellite for ears he had you knew he’s heard you.

“we ended things, on good terms, doesnt matter anymore shes not- with us anymore... but we ended it befire that so dont think im only saying this casue im a widow but i just wanted you to kno-”

“well i dont care! okay? whatever happened is a thing of the past and these three months ive taken the time to heal and, and get over you-” your voice was cracking, your cheeks were wet, “and i dont care anymore. those feelings aren't a part of me anymore. and id rather they stay like that."

he was quiet, eyes glossy. you probably looked worse.

"look me in the eyes and tell me you don't feel anything for me anymore," he said, slowly stepping close to you. once he was in front of you he gently cupped your face in his hands.

his big, soft, warm hands. they felt so right holding you.

you didn't look him in the eyes, you couldn't, they were so sincere, and big enough to fit the whole universe in them.

tears silently spilled from your eyes, everytime he caught them and wiped them away.

you looked into his eyes, and before you could lie and tell him you felt nothing for him, he gently kissed you.

it felt so right, to be held and kissed by the Doctor. you fear nothing in your life will ever feel as right as this.

#eleventh doctor x reader #doctor who x reader #11th doctor imagines #11th doctor x reader #doctor who imagines #doctor who

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ty-talks-comics · 5 years

Text

Best of DC: Week of February 12th, 2020

Best of this Week: Pennyworth R.I.P. One-Shot - James Tynion IV and Various Artists and Colorists

Some people think Dick Grayson is the glue that holds the Batfamily together, some say that it's really Tim Drake, but we all know that it has always been Alfred.

Alfred has been by Bruce's side since the day that Thomas and Martha Wayne were killed in Crime Alley. Alfred raised the boy from a young age and watched as he became a hero that Gotham City could truly be proud of. Alfred even got to see Bruce raise many kids of his own over the years and sas there to pick up the slack when Bruce was too injured, angry or didn't know how to talk to them. Alfred was patient. Alfred was loving. Alfred was amazing and will be sorely missed.

Alfred met his tragic end during the recent City of Bane arc and even after that wrapped up, it still took time for the rest of the family to get together and mourn his passing. Bruce has been trying to cope with it all by throwing himself into his Gotham Renovation Project and various superheroics. Barbara’s been dealing with her own issues in the form of a rogue Oracle. Damian has the Titans, Jason is on the outs with the family and Dick (Ric) doesn’t even really remember Alfred.

In the end, Bane managed to do what he set out to accomplish in the first place: He Broke the Bat.

Not only did he break Batman, he broke the entire family as a whole as shown from the very first shot of this book. Eddy Barrows presents us with a pulled out shot, showing a statue of Alfred in the middle of the new Alfred J. Pennyworth Children’s Hospital - a momentous honor meant to save kids just like Bruce. However, this scene also symbolizes the distance between all of the family. Tynion IV does a great job of scripting their inner thoughts as told by an unseen narrator.

Damian, being the one who was there, feels the weight of his disobedience and sees things as his fault. Tim hearkens back to the time after Jason died and fears for Bruce, knowing the darkness inside of him. Jason was told to NOT come, but Alfred had always treated him right and Barbara feels like she knows how to fix things, but who’s to say that she’s in the right mind to do so either? And Ric… well, Ric doesn’t know why he’s there, but he feels obligated.

Barrows does an amazing job of showing the pain through their forlorn expressions and lowered heads. I assume that Adriano Lucas was the one who colored these scenes because they make excellent use of cold blues to emphasize the sadness of the Family. Barrows also does something that a few artists struggle with in distinguishing each of the boys from each other. They each have distinct hairstyles and facial structures and it’s a nice touch for such a tragic event. Soon after, Tim finds a little dive bar for them to meet in and they each bicker a bit before Bruce arrives for toasts and memories.

This book also does an excellent job of showcasing personal moments that we never see between the kids and Alfred. Beginning with Damian, Chris Burnham draws a flashback to one of the first times that Alfred bails Damian out after he disobeys Batman about going out on patrols. Tynion IV and Burnham capture Damian’s early petulance through his childish pouting superiority complex. We see that Damian loved Alfred because he was willing to be patient with the young boy and Bruce was just getting used to having a trained assassin as a son.

Damian is still widely considered the worst Robin, but that idea has long passed its expiration date as the young lad has grown significantly over the years. In the beginning he could have killed anyone and not felt a lick of remorse for it, but over time, thanks to the softening of Bruce and Alfred, the boy has learned to care and take responsibility for things that weren’t even his fault. He tears up thinking that the rest of the family blamed him for Alfred’s death and regrets that he didn’t do more to stop Bane before leaving the bar.

Tim speaks next and Marcio Takara takes over art for Tim’s flashback. The third Robin is still arguably the smartest, but during a hectic fight with Firefly, he leaves some of his gear and Alfred bails him out by sneaking into the GCPD to retrieve the items. It’s very action packed and does well to show that sometimes Tim loses his cool too, but after the recollection, Tim says that he would step in for Alfred if Batman ASKS him to do so. When Bruce refuses, Tim makes a point that this is exactly like how Bruce was after Jason, but this time he has to pull himself through like an adult before he too leaves.

Tim is usually the Robin that’s touted as being the one who saved Batman during his most destructive period. He’s always been the level headed one, but in recent years he’s been put through the ringer. From being kidnapped by an unseen entity and thought dead for almost a year (Detective Comics, 2017), to fighting an alt-future, villainous version of himself (Detective Comics, 2018) and finally reuniting with his Young Justice friends and dealing with the chaos of that (Young Justice, 2019). Tim is tired and even more so of the darkness that shrouds Bruce and the Family.

Jaybird raises his glass to Alfred next and offers a counter to Tim. He says that maybe Batman would have worked out his issues after Jason’s death if a new kid didn’t swing in and just try to relieve him of the pain. Jason has always been the most extreme of the family, but he’s never been above asking Alfred for help. As a street urchin, Jason doesn’t trust most people, but despite this Alfred always thought to check up on Bruce’s second son and tried to bring him back to the side of the angels. Jason never bit, but he appreciated the effort.

He tells Barbara that he won’t chastise Bruce for how he feels because they’re all in that same spot right now, but he does want Bruce to work towards fixing it. Jason knows better than the rest of them what it feels like to have lost (Heroes in Crisis, 2018), but he also knows what it’s like to be there on the fringes with no one there to help.

Batgirl is often lost in the conversations that usually revolve around the boys, but she shouldn’t be. Barbara’s intellect exceeds that of Tim by a wide margin, but that intelligence also comes with an intuitiveness given to her by her father, James Gordon, as they live in the heart of Gotham. Barbara makes the most logical statement about the general fear swelling in Gotham after Bane’s rise and defeat and the lack of trust in Bat themed heroes given everything that The Batman Who Laughs has done. Bruce’s reconstruction project isn’t helping either as it’s just another shiny coat of paint over a city whose problems run down to its roots.

Babs may not have grown up in the mansion like the boys, but Alfred cared for her just the same, effectively being Batman’s first daughter...niece maybe the better description? David Lafuente does the art for her flashback and it’s a more cutesy style with thick defining lines and lots of faraway shots as we see Alfred and Barbara hiking up a mountain just outside of Gotham City. The actions of Killing Joke absolutely still happened and to celebrate the anniversary of Barbara leaving spine rehab, Alfred wanted to celebrate with a hike and a cupcake.Barbara says that they need Bruce to come back and be the person that they all need him to be before she leaves as well.

Finally, we hear from Ric Grayson. The former Dick Grayson was another victim of Bane’s vendetta, getting shot in the head by the KGBeast in an attempt to further hurt Batman. Aside from his Flying Grayson memories and a few scant ones with Alfred and Bruce, he doesn’t remember his life as Nightwing, with the Titans or the rest of the Batfamily and that probably makes this book harder to swallow. Dick has always been the elder brother to each of them and truly is Batman’s voice of reason after Alfred, but Dick is gone.

So Ric, knowing he needs to step up and say something to get Bruce to help himself, asks him to tell whatever story Dick Grayson might have if he were still around. Bruce then speaks up about a time where Dick found out that Alfred had been leaving flowers at the sight of the Waynes murder to celebrate the anniversary of their marriage where Bruce had been leaving flowers on the anniversary of their deaths. Dick tells Bruce that Alfred always wanted to tell him that their deaths had saved countless lives and even the world at times.

It’s grim and kinda dark, but in the grand scheme of things, Ric is right. Batman has given everything he can to the world under his mission of Justice and that never would have happened if the Waynes survived, just look at Batman: The Gift (Batman #45 - #47, 2018). In that timeline, the Waynes did survive and it was a nightmare world where crime was rampant, Dick was crazed Batman like Flashpoint Thomas Wayne and everything was just wrong. Ric may not have known all of tht, but he did know that Alfred was right and that Bruce needed to be strong for him.

Before Ric leaves, he hangs a picture on the bar wall while Tynion IV and Barrows convey the emotional impact of Ric’s act through four panels without dialogue. Bruce looks at the picture and not only can readers feel the tears swelling up in the corners of their eyes, but we almost feel as if Bruce is as well as he stars upon a picture of the core Batfamily with Alfred as the focus between them.

I’m not gonna lie, I don’t know if I’m emotionally ready to deal with a Batman future without Alfred. He’s always been such a faithful companion and foil to our dour hero and his passing has only made Batman that much darker. The cynic in me knows that DC Won’t keep him dead forever, especially with an incoming Crisis that may undo everything from the last four years of storytelling, but at the same time it might not. I think the idea to kill Alfred was a good one to create awesome moments like it did in this book, but who will take his place?

Could this really be Tim’s time to step away from the masks and go behind the scenes like Oracle did? Could Alfred’s daughter, Julia, see a return since she hasn’t been seen since I think All Star Batman in 2016? Will Lucius Fox actually stay in the position as he’s there now in Detective Comics? Who knows?

All that matters is the life of Alfred and the mark he left on our favorite characters.

Also, support me on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/TyTalksComics

#alfred pennyworth #bruce wayne #damian wayne #dick grayson #barbara gordon #tim drake #jason todd #dc comics #james tynion iv #eddy barrows #peter j tomasi #comics #comic review

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ottelis · 4 years

Photo

"I gave you my life, Eliott," Lucas's voice shatters, splinters.

Eliott replies softly, broken, hollow, "And I gave you mine."

"No," Lucas says, low and dark. "No, you didn't."

aka: eliott and lucas grow up together, but are separated when eliott is institutionalized in paris after a severe depressive episode. they reunite two years later when eliott is released, but everything has already changed before their eyes.

epigraph. i. ii. iii. iv.

04—charcoal

tw: uses of the q slur and mentions of death, suicide, and electroshock therapy

july 18th, 1968

12:58

caen, france

The days start blurring together again, but the colors are a little clearer, rarely mixing and mudding together. Eliott thinks Friday was mostly gray; Saturday was a pale, sky blue; Sunday was a rich, muted green; Monday was a peachy pink; Tuesday, was a pale, pale yellow; Wednesday was a faded white; and today, Thursday, is a pastel orange. But all Eliott could think about all week was Lucas.

I don't know what to do, Eliott.

I'm sure you understand that your loyalty isn't as precious to me now as it was when we were younger.

We can't be together anymore. I was wrong back then. I'm not a queer. I know now.

I don't think so, Eliott.

In that moment, I wanted to hurt you. And I knew that what I said would hurt you.

In your letter, you said that you just wanted to know if I would nurture your loyalty a little longer. I will. If you'll let me.

All these same words, swirling around in his mind until he's dizzy, until they burn behind his eyelids every time he closes his eyes. And he hears Lucas's voice through it all, every inflection of disappointment, fatigue, frustration, despondency, and hope, and Eliott feels the sting of it all over again.

But Eliott doesn't feel devastated. He still feels that lingering sense of acceptance, and it veils him in a thin cloud of depression. Thin enough to see through, but thick enough to darken his surroundings, to start draining the color from everything ever so slightly. It's like a pain, an ache that doesn't hurt too terribly, but it still lingers, constantly trying to keep making its presence known. He can't deny that it's there, and he can't push the pain away as easily. It's bothersome, and it's dark.

He just can't figure Lucas out. And he can't figure out why he let himself accept Lucas's apologies so easily. He should've fought back. He should've asked him more questions, challenged more of his recent actions. He should've let himself take control for once instead of following Lucas's lead, only reacting instead of acting. He should've done so many more things in that moment instead of being so passive, but he can't picture himself taking the initiative again and marching up to Lucas's door and demanding he answer. Perhaps, a small part somewhere in the maze of his mind surrendered that day where the grass ends, and it took over the other night. And maybe that little spec is strong enough to convince the rest of his mind, his body to simply give up. Let Lucas move on. Let him marry Chloé, let him go to Paris for medical school, let him live a new life. Maybe there really is a parallel universe where they won't be together forever, and Eliott just happens to have the crushing misfortune of living in it.

He wanted to tell his mother what happened that night. But then he would have to admit that he's hurt Lucas more than he already has, and that he's upset because he finally knows that Lucas didn't love him as much as he loves Lucas. He finally knows that Lucas probably never loved him like that at all. And he's not only upset, he's afraid. Afraid that he'll come to the same realization that Lucas has. Maybe they really were just two stupid boys who needed more love than they had, so they turned to each other. They fell into each other's arms and crashed into each other's lips because they had nowhere else to go, nowhere else they felt safe taking refuge in. Maybe it all really was some passing fancy, something convenient that they took advantage of the few moments they had it.

Maybe the love that has driven Eliott his whole life, the love that has shaped him and raised him up into the man he is now, was never truly real.

A part of him is happy this didn't destroy him as much as it could have, but a larger part hates that he's not as upset as he should be. He's practically lost Lucas, his best friend and, dare he say, the love of his life. He should be wailing and gnashing his teeth and pounding his fists into the earth and crying out in anger at God, at fate, at whatever thing has taken almost everything he loves away from him. He should be surging through every day with a hungry, raging flame of anger. Or he should be in such mourning that he fears his eyes will never be dry again. His whole body should heave with his sobs, his mouth should always taste of the bitter salt from his tears, he should feel the strain on his heart, wait in perfect patience for the moment it breaks and he'll finally be free from his pain. He'll forever be known as the boy who died of a broken heart, who died because he loved someone far, far too much. He has a right to feel angry, to be completely shattered. But he doesn't. He's just tired. And he doesn't know how to wait for Lucas to reach out to him and tell him that he's ready to talk. He doesn't know how much longer he can be in this depressed, almost apathetic state before it morphs into something worse, something he can't control. He just doesn't know.

Him and his mother are eating lunch as his mind is still running rampant, trying to hold back all the feelings of guilt and depression so she won't notice. It's trying to find a solution, too, though it isn't sure which problem it wants to fix. Eliott isn't sure, either. He isn't sure where to begin, or if any solution will actually work. His confusion, his desperation is growing, and he doesn't want it getting out of control. He doesn't want himself to get out of control. Not again. Every time he loses control, he—

"Eliott," his mother begins, her voice soft, a little sad. "I'm thinking about visiting Papa today. Do you want to come with me?"

Eliott looks up, blinking away his reverie. He takes a deep breath as he tries to think about her question. The last time he was there, his father's memory helped him more than he thought it could. And maybe he could tell his father everything that happened. He could tell him the truth about everything, all the truth he never got to tell him when he was still alive. Yes, he won't be able to answer, or give him a hug or tousle his hair, but maybe if Eliott just says the words out loud, he could start feeling better. Maybe.

He nods, giving her a small smile. "I'll come."

She smiles back at him. There's something shining in her eyes, and he can't tell if she's happy or if she's about to cry. "Good," she says, her voice wavering slightly. She clears her throat. "Is it okay if we go once we finish our lunch?"

He nods again. "That's okay."

"I know you've been feeling down again, honey," she continues, still quiet. "And I think this will help you."

Eliott bites his lip, but nods. "I think so, too."

"I love you," she says, reaching across the table and placing her hand on top of his. "You know that, right?"

"I know," he smiles. "I love you, too, Maman."

Eliott doesn't eat much of his lunch, but his mother smiles at him understandingly and offers to wrap it up and save it for later. He smiles back at her and accepts.

"I can make us some tea when we come home," she says as they walk out the front door. "Does that sound good?"

"Sounds good," Eliott agrees. "Thank you, Maman."

"You're welcome, honey," she smiles, kissing him on the cheek. "Ready?"

He nods, and the hum of the engine and the music on the radio is almost soothing as they make their way to the cemetery.

It's a beautiful day, but not quite as beautiful as the day his father died. The air is just a little too humid and stuffy, the wind is a little too harsh, the sun a little too dim. But his father always liked summer. He was rarely sick when it was warm, and he usually felt strong enough to go down to the beach with Eliott and splash around in the water with him. They would go down to the library and read books together, or just wander around the town. His father was so close to seeing another summer, but he was too sick, too weak to live another day. He wonders again if his father's half-open eyes saw one of the most beautiful days France had ever seen before he died. He hopes he did.

He blinks as he hears the engine and the music suddenly cut off. They're here. The cemetery doesn't look nearly as dreary in the broad daylight. Most of the markers are a light, weathered gray, and the grass is a much brighter, healthy green. The eerie silence of the place is interrupted by the soft rustling of leaves, branches in the wind. It's almost beautiful.

He hears his mother unbuckle her seat belt, so he does the same. He takes as many deep breaths as he can. He doesn't think he'll ever get used to the idea of only seeing his father in a cemetery, and only seeing his name, and only seeing the two little dates and knowing, in between them, how little time he spent with his father. It's a strange feeling. He always feels a ghost of a shiver running along his spine here, but yet he's filled with a catharsis, a kind of comfort.

He follows his mother to his father's grave, and he sees tears in her eyes. He puts his arm around her, and she rests her head on his shoulder.

They reach his grave, both releasing a heavy sigh. She doesn't weep like she used to. He can hear her sniffle, but he can't feel her trembling. Still, he holds her close, holds her up. He knows she still needs it.

They stand there for a moment, silently mourning. Not very many thoughts have run through Eliott's mind, and he hasn't yet cried a single tear. He only feels that lingering sadness he's felt the past few days, and the pain of it is dull, yet plunging. He hates how he barely feels anything right now.

"Maman," Eliott begins, speaking past the familiar lump in his throat. "Can I talk to Papa? Alone?"

She looks up at him, worry written all over her face. But she smiles. "Okay. I'll be in the car."

"Thank you," he smiles back, enveloping her in a tight hug.

She pulls away, kissing him on the cheek before walking away.

The cemetery is eerily, eerily quiet before Eliott finds the courage to speak.

"Papa," he begins shakily, taking what feels like his millionth deep breath. "I need to tell you something. I never got the chance to tell you this while you were alive, but," he pauses, trying to taste the words before they come out of his mouth. They taste strange, unfamiliar, but they're right. "I'm queer, Papa. I... I don't know if there's a better word to describe it, but I don't think my heart falls in love with just boys, or just girls, or just boys and girls. It just falls in love. It runs rampant and it drags me along and I can't help but listen to it and follow it. And, somewhere along the way, it fell in love with Lucas. I don't know when or why or how it happened, but it did. And, not long before you died, he told me he loved me, too. And then we kissed. And, suddenly, we were calling each other mon amour and finding little places where we could kiss again and fall even deeper in love," Eliott chuckles as a single tear rolls down his cheek. "I wonder if people saw me back then and wondered why I was so happy. And not the happy I am when I'm manic. Truly happy. I've never been so happy in my life, Papa, I swear it. I didn't even need to be around him to be so beyond happy. I just had to say his name, or picture him in my mind, and my heart would soar. I was in love, Papa, I am in love," His smiles, his laughs disappear. "But he's angry with me. Or, he was. I'm not sure. When I first came home he was. He was angry because of what I did before I had to go to the institution. And he didn't talk to me for weeks, and he started talking to me again the other day at his birthday party. But he doesn't want to talk about anything that happened before. I think he's hoping I'll just forgive him and then we'll never have to talk about any of that again. He... He feels so much but he refuses to let it show on his face. He refuses to let other people see it. He refuses to tell anyone about it. He's stubborn and he bottles everything up and then he lashes out and then he realizes how much he can hurt people and he hates being reminded of that, of how powerful his words are, how sharp his tongue is. And... I don't know how to help him. He's worse than he was when we were younger. And I know in the back of my mind that I'm probably the reason why he's gotten worse, but I don't know how to help him. He won't tell me how. I know every inch of him except for his mind. His skull might as well be empty for me. I can't figure him out anymore. And I think he's given up on figuring me out, too. And... he's engaged now, and he says he never loved me the way I loved him. And when he said that, I think it confirmed everything I was already thinking, and I was okay with it. I accepted it. Well, parts of it. I don't think I could ever forget how happy he made me. That's the part I can't seem to accept. If he didn't love me the way I loved him, why did that make me so happy? Why did I take his little crumbs of affection and let my smile spread and let my heart fall in love with him? I just... I'm afraid that this is really where we grow apart. I'm afraid that universe is branching off into other universes and we're on completely different paths. And, if we are, if that's what's happening, wouldn't it be my fault? I chose to try to take myself away from him, and now he's made his choice, too, I think. I don't know what to do, Papa."

He knows his father couldn't answer, but when the silence comes back, unsettling and snaking underneath his skin, it makes the lump in his throat break open in a strangled sob. He breathes, slowly, rubbing at his eyes. He breathes, breathes. He walks away, squeezing his eyes shut and shaking his head. He breathes again, as slowly as he can. He calms himself down, leaving himself with that lingering, prickly sadness that's been haunting him for days.

He hopes he doesn't look like he's been crying as much as he has been when he reaches the car and climbs into his seat.

"Are you okay, honey?" his mother asks almost immediately. "You look like you've been crying."

He nods, taking another deep breath. "I just miss Papa."

It's not a lie, but his father isn't the only person he misses so much he feels like he could burst.

"We'll get you home and I'll make you that tea I promised," she replies, placing her hand on his shoulder. "Would that make you feel better?"

Eliott nods again, smiling a little. "It would."

His mother doesn't try and talk to him as they drive home, which he appreciates, but it's still a little too quiet for his taste. He turns up the radio a bit, even though he isn't particularly fond of the song that's playing. The day is still beautiful, his sadness still haunts him, Lucas is still quiet and distant, his mother is still far kinder than he deserves, and his father is still dead. Everything has changed, but in this moment, nothing has.

They arrive home, and Eliott sits at the table as his mother makes tea. He looks out the window, towards the water, watching the waves lap and froth and imagining the music they must be making. He still hasn't gone swimming since he came home, but whenever he entertains the idea, something holds him back. Lucas can't come with him, and neither can his father. The last time he went swimming alone was when he tried to let the waves crash over him and sweep him away. He's not afraid of the water, not like Lucas is now, but he supposes he's at least wary of it now. Maybe, if Lucas really does want them to be friends again and tries to fix things between them, they can go swimming like they used to. They could wade out, little by little, so Lucas doesn't get too scared, and the chilly sting of the water will wash all of Eliott's bad memories away. Couldn't they?

The kettle boils, and the waves seem to calm.

He turns his gaze back towards his mother, who began to pour the water into their mugs. He smiles at her gratefully as she hands him his, chuckling when she reminds him that the tea will be hot.

"So," she begins, setting Eliott ever so slightly on edge. "What did you tell Papa about?"

Eliott sighs, bobbing his teabag above and below the water. He decides to tell the truth, at least a piece of it. "Lucas."

"Have you heard from him again at all?" she asks carefully, adding sugar to her tea.

Eliott shakes his head. "Not at all."

"You're sure you don't want me to talk to him or Madeleine?" she asks again.

Eliott nods. "He'll talk to me when he's ready."

"It's been almost a month since you came back, honey," she replies. "What's holding him back?"

"He has his own life now, Maman," he shrugs. "One that I probably need to stop intruding on. I don't think he wants me in it."

"Why wouldn't he want you there with him?" she asks, almost frustrated. "You two have spent almost your whole lives together. You go away for two years, and suddenly he doesn't want you around anymore? It doesn't make sense."

"I told you what he said," he sighs, putting his tea off to the side. He's still not angry. He's just still tired. "It wasn't the two years that I was gone. It's the reason why I was gone for two years. It's because I tried to kill myself."

The words fall from his mouth so quickly it makes him feel sick to his stomach. It makes the color drain from his mother's face. It makes a tense silence fall between them.

"I'm..." Eliott chokes out. "I'm sorry, Maman. It's just that I can't undo what I tried to do that night. I can't unwrite those letters I wrote, or unthink the thoughts that made me want to try in the first place. I can't unmake Lucas's anger. And I don't think I can unbreak our friendship. He'll patch a hole in it then move on and never look back like he always does if he decides to talk to me again."

"Honey," his mother starts, but the word dies in her throat and she doesn't say anything else.

He shakes his head, running his hands through his hair. "I wish he would just talk to me and tell me he just doesn't want to be friends anymore so I can stop hoping and wishing that things will go back to the way they were. No matter how much things keep changing right in front of me, a part of me still keeps imagining a world I remember, a world that's kind to me. I wish he would tell me if he's going to kill it or nurture it. It's tearing me apart. He's tearing me apart."

She doesn't know what to say. He can tell from the way she purses her lips and the way she can't quite look him in the eye.

"It's okay," he tells her. "I wouldn't know what to say to me, either."

She sighs, lightly tapping her fingers on the table. "Maybe you could write everything you're feeling? Or maybe draw?"

Eliott shrugs, but the idea flows easily into his mind and lifting his spirits, if only slightly.

"You haven't drawn in a while, haven't you?" she asks.

He shakes his head. "I gave Lucas a drawing for his birthday, but I don't think I've drawn anything like I used to since Papa died."

"Do you want to try it? We can go and buy some supplies," she proposes, hope in her eyes.

He nods. "I'll try it."

july 20th, 1968

01:11

caen, france

As much as Eliott believes drawing will help him, he's had to work up the courage to simply pick up the new charcoal pencils his mother bought him yesterday, let alone put them to paper. His mind is full, as always. Full of emotions, memories, ideas of what to draw, ideas of what he would say to Lucas whenever he's ready to talk. if he didn't know better, he would've thought he was in another mania based on his scattered mind alone. If he was in a mania, the thoughts would've pushed him, urged him forward as he followed every wit that crossed his mind. But his thoughts are suffocating him, backing him into a dark corner. His mind seems to be teetering on a fine line between mania and depression, and it reminds him of the day he tried to take his own life. And that terrifies him.

He remembers someone saying that when anniversaries of traumatic events arrive, people's emotions are heightened to a frightening degree. Anxiety, depression, fear, despair. Today marks two years since Lucas's drowning, and two days from now will be two years since Eliott's suicide attempt. He hates how close together two of the worst days of his life are, but things were so different back then. Eliott was frightened, desperate, traumatized. Lucas was dead for the longest, most frightening ten minutes Eliott could imagine. How could he ever forget that? How could he ever recover from knowing that beloved body was ever lifeless? How could he chase away the frightening possibility that Lucas's heart stopped before Eliott could cling to him and swim desperately to shore? How could he live knowing that Lucas's drowning was all his fault?

Last year, Eliott's mental state while he was at the institution was deteriorating rapidly, and the anniversary coincided with another failed medication trial. He spent the anniversary of Lucas's drowning with the bit in his mouth and the shocks ripping through his brain, and he spent the anniversary of his suicide attempt still reeling from the shocks, too weak and disoriented to spend too much time dwelling on remembering. He doesn't want to spend the anniversaries this year in that same situation, but his terror only grows at the thought of having to deal with it with a somewhat clear mind.

And how Lucas must have felt, must feel. All because of Eliott.

He shakes his head, shakes away the memories, the possibilities, the blame. He looks back down at his new sketchbook, feels the chalky charcoal rub smoothly against his fingertips. He takes a deep breath, letting his eyes slowly close.

Breathe. Create. Forget. Just for a minute or two.

He opens his eyes, and he touches the charcoal to the page, letting his mind control his hand. Whatever's on his mind, it'll speak in tones of dark black or faded gray. The picture will be black and white, but Eliott's heart will provide all the color.

may 27th, 1966

19:47

caen, france

The sun is setting, kissing the water and making it blush a fierce gold as Lucas kisses Eliott softly, gingerly on a rippling sea of wrinkled bedsheets. Their legs are tangled together, and their foreheads touch and their noses tickle against each other. Lucas weaves his hand through Eliott's hair, wrapping the occasional strand around his finger if he finds a small curl. Eliott can feel Lucas's eyes on him, but he's staring at the little mole on his neck, the dip of his collarbone, how his skin turns into something like honey in the light of the setting sun.

"He'll be okay, Ellie," Lucas finally says, still the softest, kindest thing that ever sang in Eliott's ear. "He'll get better."

"It's different this time," Eliott mumbles, fidgeting with the collar of Lucas's shirt. "He's never been this sick before. Never. I'm just waiting for Maman to call and tell me that he's dying, or that he's already dead. It could be any minute now."

"She won't," Lucas replies, kissing the tip of Eliott's nose. "He has some of the best doctors in the country looking after him. They'll make him good as new."

"My papa's been sick my whole life, Lu," Eliott shakes his head, tears filling his eyes. "Every time he gets really sick or he goes to the hospital, all I ever hear is that he'll get better. Someday they're bound to be wrong. Someday he'll be too sick and the doctors won't be able to save him."

"He's not too sick," Lucas reassures, but his voice is thin, almost breaking. "He's not too far gone."

"You keep saying that," Eliott says, finally looking up at Lucas. He sees something in Lucas's eyes he rarely sees; pity.

"How could I tell you that your papa might die?" Lucas sighs, closing his eyes. He shakes his head, opening his eyes again and gazing at Eliott with that same pity. "I know what it's like to lose a father, but not like this."

"You don't have to tell me," Eliott replies. "And you don't have to try and tell me things you don't believe."

Lucas is quiet, biting his lip and avoiding Eliott's gaze. Ever so quietly, he says, "I know."

"Lucas," Eliott begins, taking a deep breath. "Hold me. Please. Hold me until this is all over."

The corner of Lucas's mouth turns up into a sad, half-smile. "Okay."

Eliott manages to smile back as he cuddles closer to Lucas, resting his head on his chest. He feels Lucas's arms enfold him, holding him tightly yet softly. He feels Lucas kiss and whisper into his hair, feels his thumb gently caress his arm. He listens to Lucas's heartbeat, feels the soft cotton of his shirt brush against his cheek, smells his salt and his sleep, and he prays that somehow, Lucas is right.

Lucas's breaths start evening out, and his heartbeat slows. Eliott looks up and sees that his eyes are closed, and that his lips are parted ever so slightly. Lucas could always fall asleep so easily, and Eliott always envied him for it. But he smiles, kissing the tip of Lucas's nose, his forehead. He doesn't stir, and he snores quietly.

Eliott watches him for a moment, studies the way his long eyelashes fan against his cheek and are lengthened by their own shadows. He watches the small strands of hair falling over his forehead drift on the breeze from the open window, from Lucas's breathing. Lucas smiles, ever so slightly, in his sleep, and he sighs contentedly.

He's so beautiful, Eliott thinks. How did I ever deserve him?

Eliott carefully pulls himself away from Lucas's hold, finding his bag and pulling out his sketchbook and pencils. He climbs back onto the bed, still careful about waking Lucas. He starts drawing Lucas's head, etching out every sleepy line in his face, every messy strand of his hair. He draws the sloping line of his neck, the hills and valleys of his shoulders, the slightest curve at his waist. He draws his open hand resting by his face, his fingers slightly curled and his palms almost completely shadowed. He tries to draw all the little fibers he can see in Lucas's shirt, chasing the hems and trying to reign in every loose thread.

He stops drawing for a moment, wishing he had a colored pencil that matched the shade of Lucas's skin in this light, and what such a color could be called; pale honey, ambrosia, euphoria, tenderness. He tries to commit the color to memory, the perfect blend of oranges and yellows and dusty pinks. His grin widens at the thought that maybe, if the world is kind to them, Eliott will see this color over and over again. That he'll see the love of his life look so heavenly every day, and be reminded again and again that Lucas is his, and that he is Lucas's. That he'll fall deeper and deeper in love until he forgets what it's like to live in a world where his soul wanders aimless, alone. He offers up another prayer that, like they say, thoughts will become words, and words will become actions, and that actions will become habits. For Lucas is the most addicting and yet satisfying habit Eliott could ever have.

His heart sinks, just a little, as he studies his drawing. It's beautiful, but not as beautiful as Lucas truly is. His heart sinks, just a little further, as he imagines people thinking Lucas is one of the most beautiful people they've ever seen, without ever seeing him like Eliott does.

He leaves his sketchbook on Lucas's nightstand, carefully crawling back into his arms. But Lucas stirs, and his eyes slowly blink open. He smiles when he sees Eliott, tilting his head down to kiss him again. Eliott kisses him back, hoping Lucas can taste the love that fills his chest and presses against his seams, the love that only appears as long as Lucas lives, breathes, sings.

"Why'd you get out of bed?" Lucas asks, his voice deep and crackling.

"I drew you," Eliott replies. "While the sunlight was still shining on you."

"You did?" Lucas grins, tracing Eliott's cheekbone with his thumb gingerly.

Eliott nods, grinning back at him. "I did."

"You'll have to show me when I'm less sleepy," Lucas says, kissing Eliott again. It's soft, slow, smiling lips against smiling lips. "I love you so much."

Eliott feels his heart glowing, bursting. He kisses him a little deeper, a little harder, making the smallest moan rumble from Lucas's throat. Eliott slows then, breaking away for a moment before kissing him again, gently, patiently. Lucas melts into him. They stop for breath, almost chuckling at each other out of pure joy.

" I love you, too," Eliott says against Lucas's lips. "More than anything."

They become like the waves against the shore, their lungs harmonizing in slow, sweet sighs. They hold each other, their bodies fitting together and clinging as tightly as they can. They slowly fall back asleep, braving the darkness they're entering together. The wind flows through the window, gathering their secrets and vowing that they'll keep them, falling silent and dying in the sky's throat. The moon is still bright, her freckled face smiling sadly as she watches them, knowing all the threads of the universe and knowing how they all tie together. She whispers, sings, "All is well. There is a calm after the storm, a peace after the war, a warmth and a comfort when burning heat fades away. Brave through, my darlings. To be brave is to be alive, to be well. All I ask is that you remember, still, to be gentle all the while."

The Lallemants' phone rings.

july 20th, 1968

10:17

caen, france

Eliott wakes with a jolt from a dreamless sleep. The sun is well on its way through the sky, its rays almost completely lighting up his room. He sits up, fighting against his head and heart weighing him down to his bed. He rubs the sleep out of his eyes and tries to ignore the throbbing pain in his skull. He looks down at the floor, where his small binder of drawings lies open. On the left hand side is the drawing he made of Lucas while he was sleeping, the last serious drawing he ever did before his father died. The pencil markings are weathered slightly, the page stained a pale, pale yellow. On the right hand side is the drawing he did a few hours ago, another of Lucas, but the way he looked the moment he opened the door and saw Eliott there. Eliott reaches down and picks it up, studying it more closely.

Lucas's mouth gapes open slightly, highlighting his cheekbones and his jawline, exposing his teeth. His eyebrows are raised, curtained behind stray locks of his hair falling over his forehead. His eyes are wide, sparkling with something like shock, despair, confusion, realization, recognition. Eliott still hasn't figured out what that something is, or what he can call it, but he thinks he'll never be able to forget it. It should've struck him to his core. It should've warned him that something was wrong, that something was different. But he didn't see it, then. He was too blinded by Lucas, by the future he thought they could have together, loving each other like they used to.

Eliott briefly entertains the idea of what could've happened if he had listened to that ghost in Lucas's eyes, if he had just walked away right then and there. He wonders which is worse: knowing Lucas is angry and knowing the distance that's growing between them is all his fault, or not knowing why Lucas is upset and letting their friendship fall apart, wither away naturally. Which is worse? Animosity, or ignorance?

He sighs deeply, putting the drawing back in his binder. He wants to reach out to Lucas today, somehow. He probably won't try and talk to him, not yet. Maybe a letter?

Eliott tears a blank sheet from his sketchbook and moves over to his desk. His hand hovers over the page as a thousand words flit across his mind, as he tries to catch the ones that feel right. He starts writing.

Lucas,

I've been thinking about you, and us, and everything that went wrong. And you were right. I was selfish. I was foolish. I was a boy. I was sick. I'm still sick. My sickness will never go away, no matter how many shocks they gave me, and no matter how many times I scream and pray for it to leave me alone. It hurts people and sometimes I can't stop it. It's hurt you so many times. I've hurt you so many times.

I was sick that day. A dizzy, euphoric sick. I was in love with you. And your name, your face mingled with my mania and it took me higher than I've ever been before. I couldn't imagine being away from you for even a second. So, I woke up at dawn and bounced around my room and thought about all the things we could do together as I got dressed. Then I went over to your window and woke you up, and we raced each other down the street until we couldn't breathe and our sides were aching. Do you remember us finding almost every alley and kissing until our lips started turning blue? Do you remember me dragging you to almost every shop and promising to buy you anything you wanted? Do you remember that whole morning, the beginning of that afternoon? To be honest, all of that is a little hazy for me. All I remember is you. Your smiles, your laughs, your breathing, the taste of your lips, the feeling of your skin. All I really remember is you.

But what I really remember is when we got to the beach. I'll remember that hour as long as I live. I'll remember those ten minutes as long as I live. But everything I felt then is nothing compared to what you went through. I'll never try to understand it, because I don't think I ever could. But what I do understand is that you never would've gone through what you did if it weren't for me. If I hadn't been sick, or if I had been able to control it, or if I wasn't so attached to you, or if I didn't love you as much as I did, you would've never known what death tastes like, or seen his dark, inky face, or felt his cool, welcoming embrace.

You told me the day I came home that you don't go near the water anymore because it reminds you of me. It doesn't remind you of dying. You're not afraid of drowning again. It reminds you of me. I took that away from you. I took all the memories of splashing in the water, and watching the waves breathe against the shore, and I tainted them, darkened them before your very eyes. I almost let the water take you. I almost let it take me, too. The water consumes, erodes, strangles. Just like I do.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't blame you for not being ready to talk. Take all the time you need, Lucas. Live your life a little more. See what it's like without me. See if you're happier. Because you deserve all the happiness in the world, Lucas. You deserve to breathe every particle of it, swim in every drop of it. And you deserve even more than that. You deserve love. Dizzying, breathless, heart-racing love. I don't know if I can give that to you. I think I've given you all the love I have. I want you to decide if it's enough, even though you deserve so, so much more. I've told you before that I'll be waiting for you, and I still will, but if you decide you need to walk away, I will, too. I'll stop waiting, and I'll let you find the happiness and love you deserve. I won't blame you. How could I? Maybe Chloé really is the love of your life, and maybe she can be the one to give you everything you deserve. I won't blame you for that either. How could I?

I feel that I'm full of hope, Lucas. A part of me hopes that I can learn how to control this sickness, figure out its warning signs, its weaknesses. Another part hopes that my touch and my heart will soften, and that my mind and tongue will calm. But there's a third, larger part that hopes for nothing short of the best for you. It hopes that no more of your tears will be shed unnecessarily, that your mind will never worry for another unnecessary second, and that your heart will glow as brightly as it can until it must dim and flicker out. And may your heart live as long as it can. May it bleed scarlet and passion and loyalty. May it sing with all its voice. May it guide you down any dark, winding path and carry you every step of the way. May it love so fiercely that it may burst, but it's not afraid to. And may you hold it, nurture it. May you live.

Yours,

Eliott

He sighs deeply as he sets his pen down, reading over his words again. He's exhausted, and his heart aches, but it feels right. He folds it and places it in an envelope carefully. His hands starts shaking again as he writes Lucas's name, and he hopes he'll recognize his handwriting. He seals the envelope, the lingering sadness he's felt for days dulling, numbing. He takes another deep, deep breath and leaves his room, walking down the stairs to deliver the letter to the Lallemants' mailbox.

"Where are you going, honey?" his mother asks from the kitchen, looking up from her bowl of cereal.

"I'm taking this to the Lallemants'," he replies, not waiting for her response. He tells her that he'll be right back as he closes the front door behind him.

The sun is still shining brightly, but he can see dark, looming clouds peeking over the horizon. The waves are loud today, crashing against the shore with a shout, a cry. It's hot, stuffy. He picks up his pace, almost jogging to the Lallemants' mailbox.

He opens the slightly rusted mailbox, its creaking grating against his ears. He winces, then shoves the letter inside. But the sadness starts to come back, slowly, just beneath his skin as he does. He shuts the mailbox and hurries back home, the sun shining brighter and the waves crashing louder and the heat becoming unbearable.

He stumbles as he walks up the porch steps, and he lets himself fall, exhausted. Tears are suddenly spilling out of his eyes, and there's a strong, familiar weight crushing his chest. He hugs himself, rocking back and forth as the tears become loud, choking sobs. His mother must've heard him, because he suddenly feels her arms wrap around him.

"What's wrong?" she asks through her tears. "My baby boy..."

He wails into her shoulder, feeling his heart shattering slowly, slowly into pieces as the acceptance becomes full, filling his chest and nearly stopping his breath.

#skam france #elu #eliott demaury #lucas lallemant #skamfr fic #elu fic #ttmc #hush bailey #my writing #im surprised i got this done so quickly lol but here's the new chapter!!#i hope all of you like it!

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