#its mean and vaguely has negative roots

[swordlike]

Why I think Muu has NPD !

with more information from trial 3 this might change, but i have npd and for now i think this bug has it too. BTW if your weird abt people with personality disorders in the notes im stealing shit from your house ! take everything with a grain of salt, im not a therapist and disorders present differently for different people, this is just for fun. so lets get into it, all the translations are from the milgram wiki <3

belief in her own superiority, you can especially see this in one of the repeat lines in its not my fault. the imagery of the mv is also very tied to the idea of this, we know the mvs are biased, meaning this is how muu sees it herself, her being queen is only natural. 

next is muu’s sureness of her own innocence, this is of course, readily apparent. this ties into several npd traits, but mainly lack of empathy and self importance. she defends herself at every opportunity, in both audio dramas and her songs. 

while i’d consider these definitely major factors, i’m more interested in these lines from its not my fault,

her fear of being found guilty, of being caught out or wrong, is very common in those with npd, the way shes trying to set up es as special and understanding to manipulate them into not hating her out of this fear is really telling (you can also see her do this in both her audio dramas). the way she repeatedly asserts her innocence and status is also a common self soothing tactic to maintain ones ego, if she was “wrong” she would have to acknowledge that she isnt as perfect as she thinks, and this fear keeps her from even acknowledging the possibility. which is to say, i think muu is slipping into the queen bee role and imagery in the mv out of the fear she is wrong, as how npd functions is the grandiose self is a coping mechanism for poor self esteem and deep rooted shame.

manipulative tendencies, muu spends a lot of her interogations talking around es to get them to see muu as innocent, in her second interrogation with es its especially clear that shes trying to talk circles around them to get them to believe in her innocence. Also this.

she also is in the habit of using others. in the not my fault amv you can very clearly see the other girls bringing muu "honey", and one can’t so she immediately gets rid of her, for people with npd this is a common maladaptive defense mechanism, if someone stops providing you with praise or status theyll cut them out to protect themselves and thusly their ego.

people with npd, are unable to regulate their self esteem on their own and as such rely on outside praise or personal success to maintain their egos, know as "supply", which is one way you can interpret the honey in this reading.

belief others are jealous of her or out to hurt her. at multiple points across milgram muu accuses others of being jealous of her and thus out to get her, which is a common symptom of npd.

due to their belief in their own superiority and suspecting others of jealousy, people with npd are prone to hierarchical thinking and can often use putting others down as a way of maintaining their position, which would make sense since we know muu was a bully.

lack of empathy, people with npd struggle with affective empathy in particular (feeling stressed or anxious in response to others negative emotions), note muu’s lack of distress over others being hurt or upset.

avoidance of situations she doesn't like, while this may seem vague, this ties into multiple symptoms, having a large sense of self importance often can mean viewing certain tasks as bellow you or being extra adverse to things you don’t want to do regardless of consequences. she often is shown shoving her work off on other people, theres SO many examples of this one but heres just a few.

black and white thinking, not much to say about this one, this set of dialogue is also her trying to talk es into thinking she's innocent.

theres also her situation with haruka which ties into several things ive mentioned, lack of empathy, using others, etc. It's worth noting she says it makes her feel that they're friends, this probably reaffirms her own importance to her

dont really know where to put this one but. its very funny how she dodges the question.

as for how i think this could affect trial three, i think muu will either completely crash and burn and despise herself (narc crash moment) or she'll lean even harder on her grandioseness to cope.

anyways theres more i could say but this post was already getting long, maybe ill add more in an rb sometime, but in conclusion:

[rwbyrg]

How do you stay positive seeing all the negativity we get for shipping this?

I don't typically talk about discourse, but I know this is something pretty much every RG shipper has faced at some point. So I'll make an exception this once. For anyone that doesn't want to hear about it, I strongly encourage you to keep scrolling.

I'm gonna keep it brief(ish) and vague, but content warning for topics of mental health, abuse, general fandom toxicity and ship discourse.

The short answer is that I've had to completely remove myself from large fandom spaces. I left Twitter last fall, I'm not in any big Discords, and I never check the fandom Reddits. I block bullies, bystanders, and bad faith arguers liberally. I mute words and phrases I don't wish to see, I don't engage with the bad faith takes, and I don't go looking in tags much either.

I surround myself with a small group of friends that I enjoy spending time with and can trust. So I still have outlets to be able to geek out without risk of dealing with the wider community's negativity. This blog was also created as a safe outlet to ramble, join together, or spread positivity about the ship. I know how rough it is for us out there - in the RWBY fandom as a whole, as well as within our own RG shipping spaces. So since I can't be an impartial community leader that helps run events or bigger spaces for us like I used to, this is kind of all I have left to offer.

The slightly longer addition that got way out of hand:

I'm not going to say it's not lonely. That I don't miss being part of a more active, wider group of people that we should have every right to join. But despite how hard some of us tried, there was nothing we could do to change the toxicity that is so deeply rooted at the core of this fandom. The fact that I even tried as hard as I did was 1. a trauma response and 2. just ended up with me - and too many of my friends - getting hurt anyway. I can't regret it because it's how I made the friends that are so dear to me now. But none of us should have had to deal with the cyberbullying, harassment, dog-piling, backstabbing, suibaiting, or any of that other garbage to find the group we have today.

It's extremely fucked up. There's no way to sugar coat it. All of it is abuse and is genuinely traumatizing to many people. I am not using these as buzzwords either. Myself and a handful of my rg shipping friends have literally gone to therapy to help us heal from all the things we've experienced in this fandom. So I have it on the authority of multiple psychiatrists, therapists, and social workers that what I am saying here is true.

Rosegarden and its shippers have become the scapegoat of a toxic community. There are big name fans who've staked their entire platforms on the idea of a rival ship being canon. And so, when they see any of us suggesting a Very Likely alternative to their reality (even if we're minding our own business), they become violent and go out of their way to try and defend it. There are entire servers and friend groups built on bullying this ship and its shippers for similar reasons. Anyone that argues against them, no matter how valid their stance, or how articulately its delivered, is going to become a target. Because we are seen as a threat to a system they directly benefit from. If any of them were to acknowledge how unreasonable or ridiculous all of this is, what would that mean for the circumstances and relationships they've built for themselves? It would all fall apart, wouldn't it?

This is why we also see fellow RG shippers invalidating or blaming us for what we go through. Because some of them have become convinced that if they side with the bullies and paint themselves as "not like those shippers", then they'll be "safe". Which as we all know isn't true. Because the antis attack each other for the smallest offences that don't have anything to do with us anyway.

The RWBY fandom is not alone in struggling with this. Fandoms everywhere are seeing these same patterns play out in different ways. A lot of people without as many stakes in the arguments will often scoff or dismiss it on the basis of it being "so serious, when it's just about fictional characters". And to that, I say: bullshit.

First of all, the people on the other side of the screen dealing with all of this are Real People with Real Feelings and their own lives that are already hard enough as it it. And these sorts of environments, as previously mentioned, can and do cause severe harm. Second, none of this hate has anything to do with fictional characters. That is part of the reason why I am still able to enjoy this ship and this show despite everything I've been through here. Because the fictional characters are simply the means to an end. And while that end is different for everyone, for the bullies - by and large - it offers them power in the face of their insecurities.

The only reason this space is as toxic as it is, is because the loudest voices are often the most emotionally immature. All the reasonable people see the infighting going on and know that engaging with it is a pointless waste of energy. As someone that did try to fight it, I truly don't blame any of them for staying uninvolved. But power comes in numbers; so until a large enough group of the reasonable ones come forward, this fandom will only continue on the course it's headed.

I rambled a lot and I'm not even sure how much of this is relevant to your question. If i were to give a tl;dr to answer you, it is this:

You need to curate your own experience by setting boundaries for yourself that cannot easily be crossed by people or content that is going to upset you.

Recognizing the reason people behave the way they do towards all of this has very little, if anything, to do with the show, the ship itself, or the people shipping it is very liberating.

Don't be like how I was. Don't try and force it when it isn't working. If you are in an environment or a habit that you are getting more harm than joy from: leave. It doesn't always feel like it in the moment, but it is better to be alone than to be surrounded by people who suck. And when you shed the ones that don't treat you well, you open yourself up to more like-minded people that will want to be friends with you anyway.

I say this genuinely with only love and support in my heart, but: touch grass. As often as you can, as often as you need to: get offline. Read a book, engage in other hobbies, connect with people in real life, go for a walk or just get outside if you can. When you start connecting with the reality on your side of the screen more, it puts how pointless and absurd so much of this discourse really is into perspective. Moderation is key.

I'm sorry that all of the negativity has got you down. No one wants to acknowledge how much this sort of thing can affect our well being, but I know first hand how bad it can get. None of it is fair. The feelings you're having are valid and aren't anything to be ashamed about. If you have friends or family you can rely on for support, reach out to them when you need it. If you're in a place where you think the help you need is a bit more specialized, you have my support and encouragement in making the call or doing the research to get started. Therapy isn't accessible and doesn't always work for everyone, but it's not the only option. Before I could afford it, I micro-dosed by reading self-help books and following therapists on Instagram, lol.

I'm not sure what else I can say, and have said more than I meant to anyway. But hang in there, you're not alone, and take care of yourself, okay?💕🫂

[musicalmoritz]

I am hopeful about how the anime will adapt TeruAoi

Hear me out, one of the most common complaints about the writing of the manga is that Teru’s crush on Aoi doesn’t make any sense. There’s still the possibility he could like Akane instead (or the even less likely possibility he could like both), but right now it’s strongly looking like his crush is Aoi. I know, I wanted gay people too, but this is what we’re working with. There are hints throughout the manga that he likes her, but most of those come in the form of jokes where he’s trying to get a rise out of Akane. That actually provides more evidence towards him liking Akane than Aoi, since in those scenes he’s focused on how Akane is feeling rather than Aoi herself. So if AidaIro intend on us to pick up on TeruAoi, they’ve done a very poor job. I’d argue that the ship thrives off of heteronormativity, most straight readers (and even many queer ones) will automatically assume Teru likes Aoi and not Akane simply because he’s a boy and she’s a girl. It’s a reasonable assumption, queer rep still isn’t common enough to be the default. But it’s not a great basis for building an actual relationship, even a one-sided one

Look at Kou and Nene, that’s a one-sided relationship that was written well while still making it clear who we’re supposed to be rooting for. TBHK isn’t a love triangle like Twilight, we’re not meant to have equal fuel for both sides because AidaIro ultimately care that we support HanaNene. Kou and Nene have had numerous scenes building their friendship and, by extension, Kou’s feelings for her. However, most of these scenes are intercepted by HanaNene and Mitsukou moments. Their most notable ship moment, the donut scene, was used so that Nene could cheer Hanako up. This method gives Kounene plenty of buildup to where Kou’s feelings for her make sense without disrupting either of the main pairings. It’s also remedied by the fact that Kou gets another love interest fairly early on, so he’s not stuck in the role of the “second choice” for long. That was never really part of his arc but I digress

A lot of my points here are up for interpretation or preference, some fans don’t have a problem with how TeruAoi has been built up. It’s not going to be engame, so some might even say it doesn’t matter. But with Teru’s feelings for her being such a consistent thing throughout the manga, I’d say it’s fairly important that they’re set up well. It’s central to the dynamic of the Sunflower Troupe too, which is even more important. Teru’s feelings for Aoi play into the Terukane rivalry that is so integral to their dynamic, and towards motivating Teru during the Red House arc. Keep in mind, if TeruAoi were well-written, the fandom wouldn’t be so divided on whether or not Aoi is Teru’s crush

There is still the chance that it’s been kept vague for a reason and Teru is actually gay. Please AidaIro it’s not too late-

Despite the negative tone of everything you just read, I love TeruAoi. I’m content with it being canon, although I would rather have Terukane if I’m being honest. I’m a multishipper though, so I want to make it clear that I am by no means a TeruAoi hater. On the contrary, I think they have a lot of potential, and I hope the anime doesn’t waste the opportunity to explore that. So onto the actual point of this rant

THIS CHAPTER. The one that somewhat salvaged TeruAoi’s lazy writing. The chapter that brought TeruAoi shippers rain after a drought. We’re going to see it animated in October. And I am going insane over that

The anime is known for being a poor adaptation of the manga, but in my opinion it has its benefits and its drawbacks. One of the biggest drawbacks is Teru, they completely cut out the arc that delves into his childhood and dynamic with Kou. We lost a lot of his characterization and he essentially became a background character. My boy deserves better than that. But the two new trailers showed a lot of Teru from what I remember (it’s impossible for me to miss my king), and I’m taking that as a sign that they’ve realized his potential as a character. We might get the Young Exorcist arc in season 2, since it’s incredibly important to Kou and Teru’s development both as characters and as a sibling dynamic. This might be wishful thinking but now that they realize people like this series and want to see more of it, maybe they’ll start doing the side characters justice

One of the good points, and this is going to be very controversial, is AoiAoi. The number one complaint I’ve seen about the anime (besides the exclusion of the Young Exorcist arc), is that they nerfed Akane. I disagree. Yes, anime Akane is nothing but a goofy looking nerd who simps for Aoi, but that’s essentially what his character was in the first few arcs of the manga. They adapted him accurately for what they covered. You could just as well complain that Aoi is nothing but Nene’s popular best friend in the anime. That’s true, but only because they haven’t gotten to the Grim Reaper arc yet. The anime notoriously didn’t get to the Clock Keepers arc, but since we’re getting that in season 2, we’ll be seeing a lot more of anime Akane soon. And I don’t think he’s going to disappoint

“But how did they do AoiAoi well if they didn’t adapt much?” I’m so glad you asked. Not many people have pointed this out, but the anime clearly favored AoiAoi in comparison to the other side characters. They added in a lot of scenes that weren’t in the manga, such as their interaction in the garden and the “I’d cut off my own head” scene. I can’t remember them adding in many other scenes, besides Yako’s backstory, so they must have wanted some fan service. The anime really leans into the romance element (for better or worse), which is where I think they could do right by TeruAoi

We’ll be getting the iconic convenience store chapter in October, before season 2 of the anime comes out. This means we’ll get a meaningful TeruAoi moment animated before any meaningful AoiAoi moments have been animated, though AoiAoi has already been setup through the first seasons of TBHK and ASHK. So anime-onlys already know Akane and Aoi have feelings for each other, but before that gets explored in a serious manner, they’ll learn that Teru also potentially has feelings for Aoi. This is good, this will put the idea in viewers heads that Teru likes Aoi before he even jokes about liking her in the main series. The first time his feelings were mentioned in the manga was during the exam chapter, and that won’t get animated until season 3 or 4. So until then, they’ll already have the concept of TeruAoi. And they’ll be introduced to that concept through a serious episode rather than a gag scene of Teru threatening Akane

This will set up the group dynamic well while still upholding AoiAoi as the one we’re supposed to root for. They were established first, and we’ll get more insight into Akane’s feelings during the Clock Keepers arc. It won’t come at the expense of AoiAoi, but we’ll be shown a more serious TeruAoi scene to build them up as competition. That will balance out the two dynamics

I’m also hoping they add in a few scenes of TeruAoi the way they did with AoiAoi. The two aren’t really friends until the Grim Reaper arc, but they could throw in a few gag scenes of Teru sucking up to Aoi the way he’s mentioned to do in the manga. A scene of him being overly friendly to her in the hallway, offering to help her carry her bag, etc. And she could still shut him down in a polite way so they don’t lose the dynamic they have in the manga. I wouldn’t want them to do too much or give more confirmation of Teru’s feelings than we get at that point in the manga, but a few filler scenes could really help to build their relationship. At the very least, it would help Teru’s feelings make sense. But I’m already very optimistic since the TeruAoi episode of ASHK is already going to give Teru’s feelings more grounding. Releasing it before the two of them interact/mention each other in the main anime is honestly the best decision they could have made. It will be pleasantly unexpected to anime-onlys who haven’t seen the characters interact before and don’t know what their relationship is in the manga

Anyways, I know a lot of people are freaking out about the anime getting a season 2 (and I understand why), but I’m trying to stay hopeful. The first season was bad, but it’s a good introduction to the series. It was how I got into tbhk, and I felt it was a good start. It was enough to get me hyperfixated after just a few episodes so it’s not THAT bad (okay, it’s kinda bad). But they still have time to fix the major mistakes they made in season 2, as long as we get the Young Exorcist arc. And either way, ASHK is going to be delightful

[o-xurxur-o-sosoj]

[updated profile as of 9/12/24]

I'm Ahava. I use he/him and fae/faer mixed pronouns these days. I'm a uhhhh It's Complicated(tm). I've been [It's Complicated] for as long as I can remember, but found the word "therian" over 15 years ago and I've been hanging around all kinds of alterhuman spaces since. Therians, otherkin, draconics, elenari, plurals, soulbonders, daemians, all kinda folks.

I consider myself primarily:

+ plural (both multiple and median), a fusion, part of a gateway system

+ therian +/ animal folk +/ animal-hearted +/ a daemian (Homotheriam + Shapeshifter, 2 daemons)

+ Vaguely draconic

+ cripplepunk (in an alterhuman way)

+ polymorphic shapeshifter

+ literally a changeling @ birth, changeling holothere, whatever; not for psychological reasons

+ traveling folk healer + Magical Boy archetropes

+ fact-hearted (Kurt Cobain; its complicated and very personal)

+ spirit medium, diviner, narcoleptic dream traveller

I'm also, relevantly: Poor, raised rural, Brown/Jewish/its complicated, crippled, Mad, genderqueer, Androginos, and more

And all of this has many layers to it, because over 15 years adds to it a lot of nuance, and plurality and traumatic events and masking all make it hard to sort through, but it's what I have. Nonhuman + Plural Opinions:

+ Physical nonhumans (including p-shifters) and factkin are fine and real; beware bad actions and patterns of behavior, because looking for "the bad people" and trying to root them out will always fail AND marginalize others in the process

+ Plurality is a natural experience in all its forms, and can present with specific and unique forms of disorder when subjected to (or even caused by) trauma, but is not in itself a negative or disordered thing. Lack of internal harmony and communication is the problem, and peaceful internal harmony (whether that means *consensually*: maintaining separateness, fusing partially or fully, having certain members stay or leave, etc) is the goal.

+ I'm a critter who likes to LIVE my shit, in the wild. Make IRL groups, go glamourbombing, help heal others with medicines, grow all kinds of living things, etc. I dont just touch grass -- i roll in it. :V I think we should have more Nonhuman Lifestylers, whatever that looks like.

my main website is still [redacted so this shows up in tags] with a lot of my good essays still up there, if anyone is looking or interested

EDIT: I guess I have to add that I'm from before the era of "trans/id" stuff, my transspecies identity is not even remotely related to that subgroup, and I'm not associated with these "rad/queer" types

[batrachised]

☕️ fandom as an entity? I know that’s kind of vague but like…your thoughts on how it works in different spaces/for different media/etc.

this is a really, really interesting question!

As a broad answer, I think fandom is like any other group. It has its good sides, it has its bad sides, it has groupthink, it has backlash to groupthink, it can be a community or a clique, welcoming or toxic. I think discussing shows online with other people is fine and creating things based on those shows such as fanart and fanfic - especially when these works themselves can be a form of commentary - is great.

However, as I get older, I get...well, kind of impatient with fandom, because after being on its fringes for this long you start to realize it's the same thing over and over and over again. There's two sides of fandom: there's the discussion of the canon, and then there's the fanfic/headcanon/fanart side, and that's the side I get more impatient with (and I say this as a fanfic writer). Fandom turns stories into toys. That's not a negative statement, but it's not a positive one either. This approach can make it hard to see the actual story clearly (which is sometimes the point, to be fair!) For example, a major point of fandom is to change the parts of the story you don't like. Another major point is to share your thoughts on the actual canon. You can interpret the story however you want; you can change whatever details you like (it is fanfiction after all); and eventually, these feed into each other and often result in Schrodinger's canon.

Your relationship to a story that you've made your own - even if it is not yours - is going to be fundamentally different than your relationship to a story you watch unfold. Participation is different than viewership, and it implies an ownership of the material that doesn't actually exist. This ownership in turn (at least, in larger fandoms) results in a favorite football team approach to interpretation and discussion. For example, in the Star Wars fandom, people will tag their blogs with pro or anti jedi as if its a political party, and it makes me scratch my head a bit. I completely understand wanting to curate your fandom experience, but sometimes I wonder what these people would do with a story that purposefully had no likeable characters or anyone to root for (something I really wonder in general, given the "this character is problematic" trend I see). I understand having differing bodies of interpretation is really common in any media, and I firmly support everyone having the right to their own interpretation -- but I think interpretation is a generous word for what I see happening a lot of the time in fandom. the best way I can sum it up is this tweet:

In the end, I think it parallels the earlier discussion circling about booktok. If you enjoy it, great - there aren't any rules here. Your fandom experience can be how you dictate it (yours, specifically, and no one else's). It's a hobby and doesn't really need to be anything else. However, being good at fandom doesn't mean being good at storytelling, or understanding what makes stories great. Often times with stories less is more, and fandom is by definition more.

[butch-reidentified]

I'm intrigued by your thoughts on emotionality. What is it that drives you to 'commit to a belief system' (paraphrasing you slightly) exactly? I would say I'm not a particularly emotional person, my feelings are more vague a lot of the time, but certainly a lot of the things I believe viz right vs wrong, male supremacy being bad, etc I can only rationalise so far until ultimately I get to the root of them, which is that the thought of some people brutalising a group of people I am a part of makes me feel a negative gut emotion.

But sometimes, if I consider humanity from a cosmic perspective, in which humans are just collections of proteins obeying certain statistical parameters, and in any given situation someone is going to get the upper hand and dominate, I stop feeling any way about it at all. I think this is why I tend not to 'commit' to belief systems. I try them out for a while, absorb the interesting ideas but ultimately take none of them as gospel since morals are essentially either emotional at root, or just self-imposed dogma, then get bored and move on to something else. I guess I would understand an argument for self-imposed dogmatic morals, in that you probably need to construct some parameters to live by otherwise you will probably struggle to bond with other people, but to me the knowledge that they are self-imposed would mean I could never seriously commit to them as a set of beliefs.

I have a question in that case: do you think that if you were born male you would be at all sympathetic to female liberation/equality? When you could have the option instead to just take advantage or not care? I often wonder if a big part of the reason a lot of feminist thinking has stuck with me is because it's ultimately self-serving. My ego does not allow me to accept the idea that I am inferior. Feminism supplies me with a justification

I'm going to answer this completely honestly, but I have a sneaking suspicion that not everyone will be thrilled with my response lmao

My belief commitments are a large part of what I refer to as my anchor system. My brother, who is just like me (down to exact same score on the TriPM with almost identical answers), also uses an anchor system which very clearly functions similarly to mine, though is comprised of somewhat different commitments. The anchor system serves several functions, including improved interpersonal interactions/relations, self-preservation from societal consequences, and keeping us "grounded" in an external (albeit self-imposed) value system.

You are approaching the answer in what you say about "understanding an argument for self-imposed dogmatic morals." It is pretty similar to that. It does kind of end up functioning as a sort of moral compass, though the lack of internal response to violating my own "morals" means that this compass changes fairly often - and usually just because I've come to find part of it inconvenient. It ends up being more of a loose behavioral constraint that helps limit certain impulsive behaviors, but is easily overridden/renegotiated when I want to do something badly enough. So yes, you are right that I can only commit to them so much, take them so seriously, knowing that they're consciously chosen.

I am fully opposed to oppression and the like, not only when it affects me. That said, if I'm going to be completely honest like I said I would, for me, this doesn't primarily come from a place of compassion. I am very very good at cognitive empathy (understanding what others feel, even if I can't relate to it or feel it myself), though, so I am capable of that perspective and have made it matter to me, it just isn't innate for me. My opposition to oppression at its core comes from a utilitarian thought process: I think it's incredibly wasteful and disadvantageous to the species/community to stifle the potential of entire populations (or anyone, really).

I do understand that people tend to get upset about that, but it's not a choice, it's just how I innately function. One function of the anchor system is to compensate for this to an extent, keep me more focused on cognitive empathy and commonly accepted morality. This means that my behaviors, my moral code, so to speak, are in effect a well-stirred mixture of utilitarian thought processes and externally adapted perspectives.

does this answer your questions adequately?

[supercalloutfragilistic]

Moe The Cult of the Child

This was an article written by Jason Thompson on the subject of moe and pedophilic manga about single men caring for female children. Reposting part of the article because it’s seemingly been wiped from the web and is now only available on archival sites:

https://web.archive.org/web/20140811010814/https://pulllist.comixology.com/articles/265/Moe-The-Cult-of-the-Child

The word moe actually comes from a kanji meaning “to sprout.” “My vegetable love should grow,” to misuse a quote from Andrew Marvell—a slow budding affection, like a tender young plant.

Or like an underage girl, unfortunately. The moe which makes me periodically ashamed to read manga in public, and which has caused a raging debate in the Otaku USA letter column, is a particular kind of moe which has its roots in the Japanese love of cuteness, domesticity and—one element among many—the lingering lolicon trend. It’s the moe of stories like Azumanga Daioh and Strawberry Marshmallow and Tori Koro and Yotsuba&!, in which adorable girls do adorable things.

Going a step further, it’s the moe of stories like Kanna and Tsukuyomi: Moon Phase and Hinadori Girl and Blood Alone, in which adorable girls do adorable things while living in questionable situations with adult men. And if I went just another step further, it’d be the moe of Nymphet, in which adorable girls sexually tease adult men, but that manga crossed the line and got everybody offended and was never translated (Seven Seas Entertainment canceled it in 2007 after a chain of negative reactions to the announcement), even though, frankly, it’s probably more honest about its intentions than some of the other titles I just mentioned.

Yes, the web of moe is like a complex mesh stretching from almost totally innocent titles like Azumanga Daioh, in which the reader gets to peep at the chaste world of girls, to yuri (lesbian) stories aimed at men (Strawberry Panic being one of the most pandering examples), to open lolicon fantasies. Of course, in pure moe, there’s never sex, just as in bishonen beautiful-boy manga (as opposed to true Boy’s Love) the characters just bicker suggestively and never actually rip each other’s clothes off and get down to it. In fact, it is often so sweet and gentle, like Azumanga, that it can be enjoyed at face value as a children’s manga—even though Dengeki Daioh, the magazine in which Azumanga ran, is aimed at teenage through twentysomething men. Blatant sexuality would destroy the illusion of innocence that is part of the moe appeal.

But still, in Tsukuyomi Moon Phase for instance, it’s just assumed that there will be sexual tension between college-age Kouhei and Hazuki, who looks like a 10-year-old girl. “You better not touch her,” his relatives warn. If my relatives felt they had to tell me this, I’d either (a) get new relatives or (b) take a long hard look at my life. Even in Yotsuba&!, in which an adorable green-haired girl lives in the care of Koiwai, a cheerful twentysomething slacker, couldn’t Koiwai have actually been Yotsuba’s real father? Does he have to be her mysterious, vague adoptive father? Is the idea of Koiwai actually having sex with an adult woman and producing Yotsuba really that much of a wet blanket on the story?

Not gonna quote the blatant pedophile apologism from Scott Von Schilling, click the original link if you want to read that. If moe crap really was about fatherly love why are most moe girls so sexualized, and why do moe fans buy things like fuckpillows of their “daughters”? Yotsuba is an exception as it seemingly doesn’t have that sort of fanbase, but most moe series do. Why don’t hetero male moe fans want a little boy to take care of? It always has to be a girl they can molest.

The desire to nurture and the sex drive are all too easily combined, as anyone who’s studied child abuse knows. Stu-Hiro’s untranslated manga Otaku no Musume-san (“Otaku’s Daughter”) confronts this dilemma a little more bluntly than other manga of its type. The protagonist, Kouta, is a 26-year-old nerd who is suddenly reunited with his 9-year-old daughter Kanau, the spawn of a single sexual encounter in high school. At first eager to meet her dad, Kanau is appalled to discover that her father is a doll-collecting pervert and porn manga author (actually one of his more positive traits – at least he’s working) whose apartment is full of body pillows and art of little girls in panties.

Kouta (who, we eventually learn, turned to the dark path of the otaku because he still pines for his lost high school love) at least has the good sense to be embarrassed, and tries to clean up his act, at least in front of her. (“Once you enter this world you start forgetting what things are like in the real world…since you’re living here now I’ll have to be more careful from now on. Sorry.”) So Kanau ends up being raised in an environment full of borderline pedophilic imagery, without the suggestion of actual abuse taking place.

Not sure if Thompson is praising Otaku no Musume-san, if so he shouldn’t because it’s a very revolting manga.

The most disturbing element of Otaku no Musume-san, perhaps, is that Kouta’s nine-year-old daughter cooks dinner for him. Even with the explicitly sexual element removed, moe is a fantasy of girlhood seen through chauvinistic male eyes. It’s a fantasy of returning to the nursery—to the state of pampered childhood that so many real girls find stifling, but which to a young adult male with an emotionally stunted life and no job prospects, might seem like a retreat into paradise.

Even when moe girls are “competent,” like 10-year-old cook/laundrywoman/ dishwasher Sasami in Tenchi Muyo!, these little girls represent house and home and the most stereotypical view of womanhood—little mothers who cook and clean and aren’t as scary as real adult women. It’s no surprise that one of the manga formats which has embraced moe is four-panel manga, which, like traditional American comic strips, trades on a similar set of clichés: reassuring domestic situations, the warmth of family, and cute characters who never grow old.

Thompson goes on to call the sentencing of a man who was convicted for drawn childporn tragic, not gonna quote that bit of pedophilia apologism. The guy was convicted for straight up lolicon hentai and not something like a skeevy bathing scene in an otherwise normal manga. His conviction is only tragic if you believe drawn childporn should be legal.

My review of Azumanga Daioh in Manga: The Complete Guide, in which I gave the series 3.5 stars but mentioned some readers might be turned off by the “vaguely pedophilic teacher,” sparked a debate on the talk page for Azumanga Daioh’s wikipedia article. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Talk:Azumanga_Daioh#Kimura.27s_.27obsession.27

Creepy how defensive these Azumanga fanboys got over the completely accurate statement that the teacher in the series is a pedophile and the manga makes light of it.

He ends the article with:

It was a civil debate, but whenever people use the word “ephebophile,” I have to think they’re splitting hairs. When I say “pedophile,” I don’t want to hang a lightning rod over the house of anime and manga, but I do feel that it is the only word to describe this aspect of moe.

[bmaxwell]

The Stanley Parable Ultra Deluxe

I’m a big fan of the late Terry Pratchett of Discworld fame. Underneath the silly stories about elves, a bumbling city watch force, a would-be wizzard, a trio of country witches and so much more, there is wisdom. And anger. Anger at a world that treats people as things, anger at a world that puts people in boxes, and anger at those who “think that serious is the opposite of funny.”

That last one stuck with me. Some of my favorite works manage to be funny while being rooted in decency and heart. It’s a tough needle to thread, and The Stanley Parable manages to do this in a rare way. To say it breaks the fourth wall would be a gross understatement. It’s a game about breaking the fourth wall. It is all the way up its own ass 100% of the time. It’s constantly huffing its own farts, then asking you how you feel about that, writing down your response, then laughing and throwing it away, then fishing it out of the garbage and crying because the writer doesn’t know how to make a great game and no one loves him, then writing that all into the game. 

Do you laugh? Cry? Get a little uncomfortable and wonder if the writer needs help, wonder whether they are actually, really happy or actually as tortured as this all seems to be? HA HA HA HA...?

If you played writer/developer Davey Wreden’s The Beginner’s Guide which you didn’t, you’ll know exactly what I mean. Mostly because if you’ve played The Beginner’s Guide then you’ve definitely played The Stanley Parable. TBG is a gut punch of an experience, about fraud complex and the torture that some creative types go through. 

The Stanley Parable Ultra Deluxe gets into this same territory. There are screenshots of actual, real negative reviews from Steam planted in the game. The narrator talks about trying to reach those people and make them happy too, but it’s impossible. Those negative views of his game reinforce the nagging voice inside that says “You can’t do this, you somehow tricked people into liking your last game but now they’re onto you, and your fraud will be exposed to the world.�� Every compliment is out of pity, every criticism is deserved and justified. This is relatable to me. 

Look I made a thing, but I don’t want approval but please pay attention to me even though I don’t care about that, and I know that praise is all just pity, and silence is indifference or disgust. Please look at the thing I made and don’t compliment me, criticize me, or ignore me. Please?

I’ve managed to ramble on quite a bit about the game without actually describing it in any way. Well done, me. It’s a game about an office worker drone suddenly finding himself alone in the office, and a funny British narrator describing his every action. And every inaction. Someone took BioShock’s Would you kindly? and made a game out of it. It’s a raw, overshared earnestness thrown in a blender with funny writing.

And it is smart, and incredibly funny. I’ve largely misrepresented the game here as I’ve been playing the new content in The Stanley Parable: Ultra Deluxe Edition™. There’s a lot of self doubt and conflicted feelings front and center in the writing. Even when it’s uncomfortable and sad, it’s still got a satchel full of dark humor slung over its shoulder. 

Comedy is hard to pull off in gaming, and The Stanley Parable does it better than any game I’ve ever played, and it isn’t close. If I’m being vague, it’s because the humor works in the context of the game in a way that typing it out would do a disservice to. WORDS. The narrator is constantly, uh, narrating. You enter a room with 2 doors in front of you and the narrator immediately says “Stanley walked through the door on the left” and you can do that, or not. You can linger in a supply closet for far longer than any human ever should, just to hear the narrator get increasingly exasperated with you. 

It subverts your expectations over and over again. It also has some great achievements, for those of you who celebrate:

It’s a unique experience, one that wouldn’t work in any other medium. Those are few and far between. 

[anfie-in-the-box]

Each other's lifeline

Notes

Are you excited? I sure am! I love this series quite a lot, after all.

Do be careful, there're some self-esteem issues and self-deprecation here. One word: Nightmare. Doesn't need any explaining.

。。。

First steps

Nightmare vaguely remembers coming around a few more times, just for a few seconds at a time. He couldn't hear or see anything, and the darkness — or lack of any stimuli at all — didn't help him stay conscious, he supposes. That, and the kind person said something about him needing his sleep, saving strength?..

"Me? Kind? You're so messed up, kiddo, you've no idea…" they respond immediately, almost as if they waited for him to think something. Anything.

"I was," the voice confirms. "Not much to do without your consent. It's your body I possess after all. The negativity wants some action though, so not sure I'd be able to resist much longer. You're the warrior, not me."

The warrior?.. What are they talking about? It's just him. Weak, stupid, worthless him. He couldn't even do one job right. Now all's lost 'cause of him.

"Hey, none of that! From what I gathered from your memories, you're pretty amazing! You went through hell you didn't deserve yet never once stopped to even wish your tormentors harm. And you love your brother more than anything. It's admirable how loyal you are. You're definitely a much better person than I ever was. You are intelligent, too. It's not your fault that no one taught you to stay away from the golden apples. The previous guardian could've warned you two, at least. She's the adult, you two are mere kids who didn't know better. We don't even know if it's a lost cause yet; Dream got that last golden apple, after all. And the Multiverse hasn't collapsed yet, so that's good, am I right? Maybe the balance is upset, but we don't even know that for sure. It'll be okay, I'm sure we'll figure something out. You always do. You're smart like that."

Nightmare thinks he would've blushed if he could. Maybe cried, just a little; it's the kindest words he's ever heard not from his brother, after all. He has all the reasons to do just that.

You really think we could do it?..

"If not us then who?" they ask in return. "But first we should do something about the rampaging negativity. It's getting restless. You think I could go to a universe or two spread some fear and chaos?"

They really could just go and do whatever they want, now that Nightmare has no means to access his own body — or what's left of it, anyway. Instead they decide to stay and ask permission. To communicate. It's… exhilarating, somewhat. Nightmare's never been given the choice before. Even if it's not much of a choice this time — either he goes with the voice's plan or the negativity takes hold of the both of them, which is… less than desirable. Its mindless cruelty would destroy the last remnants of hope they have. No, they can't afford to lose control even for a moment. It's a team effort.

"Damn right it is! I won't let you down, kid. Promise."

It's so weird to share every thought with someone he barely knows… How does it even work? Nightmare can't hear their thoughts, after all. 

"No idea. Magic, I guess, and maybe something to do with me being the one in control. Maybe, if you were the one controlling the body, I would be the one with all my thoughts out in the open? Although I do hear you quite distantly, if you don't concentrate on getting the message to me. It's mostly background noise."

Good to know. It means if Nightmare ever gains control back, he likely wouldn't be too distracted by the voice. As great as their company is.

"Aw, I like you too, kid! And I'm rooting for you there. As nice as it is to have the ability to walk and talk back, it's your body, and you're very much alive to have it. To be honest, some part of me hoped you wouldn't make it after all; then I'd have a body of my own…" Anxiety and pain pierce through Nightmare's mind; do they really want him gone? "Stop that! Don't get me wrong, I just… it's hard being a tree after being a human, you know? And I'm really not all that kind. Or nice. Or… good in general. I'm a selfish piece of crap, you see?"

It feels like they want to continue that string of thought, but Nightmare doesn't let them. You helped me, he thinks in the smallest of voices. Possibly saved my life. So no. I don't see. 

They laugh; it's a light-hearted, warm kind. "You are obviously a sweetheart. How those jerks didn't see it is beyond me. They got what they deserved though. Now's your turn." 

What do you mean? 

"Freedom, of course! Not complete, you're stuck with the negativity for now, but… Even that's not so bad. We're strong now, you know? Can do whatever we want, as long as the negativity is satisfied. And we're about to find out what we need for that. So, am I to go cause some havoc? You in for a ride, kid?"

There's no going back, Nightmare thinks, as confidently as he can, might as well go forward. Let's do it. 

"Great! I don't have a certain plan yet, but I can feel the negativity from the worlds around ours so that's something. Probably might help with moving around?.. No idea yet. What do you think?" 

Hm. Let me think. 

The negativity of the other worlds, they say?.. Perhaps they could indeed use it. As a road, maybe? Or a beacon of sorts. Something that shows the way. It's amazing that they might be able to travel the worlds, especially considering Nightmare's never been far from the Tree, ever. The mere idea is fascinating, even though he wouldn't be able to see or hear anything. One day he would, and that's what he chooses to focus on. The future isn't all dark. There's something to look forward to.

I think you could try pulling the negativity. Not too hard, just enough for it to show itself for you to follow its path, Nightmare finally concludes. If that doesn't work, they'll just try something else. If only things always were this easy as they are with this person… 

"Worth trying at least. Let me just… oh." 

What? Nightmare asks, nervously. 

"It's weird. Like I know where to go. How to go. But I haven't the slightest idea! It's like my own mind moves ahead of itself. Is it what they call intuition?" 

Nightmare doesn't know how to answer that. Besides, he doesn't feel anything at all, and the description isn't the best. Would be hard to theorise. 

"It's okay though. You don't have to have all the answers, you know? I'll just do what feels right, I guess. Then we'll see what happens next." 

If anything changes, Nightmare isn't able to feel it. He's completely detached from reality, it seems. It's scary, this void where basic sensations would have been normally. Is he even alive? How can they be sure he is?.. 

"Don't work yourself up, kid. We don't want a panic attack, do we?"

They're right. Nightmare shouldn't give up. I think therefore I am, was it? That means he's alive, and he's not alone, and together, they'll figure this out.

What happened? He asks, uncertain but determined. 

"Well, we did it. Your advice worked. We're in a different world. Congrats to us, I guess." 

They don't sound too enthusiastic though. 

"That's because I'm not. Cautious, more like. It is a new world, after all. Who knows what dangers await." 

That's fair, Nightmare guesses. He focuses, How exactly do you think it worked? Can you do it again? 

"I'm really not sure, kid. But I'll try later. Let's investigate!" 

They don't have a plan, but at least they don't rush into it head-first. Good enough, as far as Nightmare's concerned. 

Can you see anything? Anyone? 

"You know what? Not… really. It's dusty here. And eerily silent. Monster dust?" 

The thought makes Nightmare sick. Yeah, this person possessing his body just killed everyone in the village, there's bound to be human blood and monster dust, but… they escaped their wrecked world. Why should anywhere else be the same? Is it wrong of him to wish for something less… destructive?.. violent?.. He doesn't know what word to use here. It's not like it matters. There's only one person he can share it with, and they hear his thoughts mostly unfiltered. 

"Oh hey, I see someone!" they call out after a while; Nightmare isn't even sure if they were moving around or stayed in the same place. "They don't look too friendly though."

Are they the source of the negativity that led us here, then? Nightmare asks, just to be certain. 

"Sure thing, kid! There's no one else anyway, it seems." 

That's… good, Nightmare thinks. If they're already distressed enough, nobody needs to intervene. Nobody needs to get hurt. 

"Should I approach them?" the voice asks, somewhat gently. Genuinely caring about Nightmare's opinion. 

Do they look safe? I don't want a fight when you have no idea what you're capable of. We should experiment before trying anything, don't you think? 

"You know what, you're right. Approaching now is just asking for trouble. I'll stay low. Thanks for keeping me in line, kid. This whole situation is a mess." 

I'm a mess though, Nightmare chuckles unhappily. Way messier than all of this. If it weren't for me, we wouldn't even be here. 

"Well, yes, but also, for me, it's nice to have a body again. And I didn't have to kill a kid for that. We co-exist. So there's that. It's good, isn't it?" 

And it is. It really, really is. Nightmare doesn't want to die, no matter how bad everything seems. He's depressed but not suicidal. He has Dream, and the kind voice believes in him, and there's a Tree to fix.

But for now, while the voice feeds off of this world's negativity, Nightmare allows himself to drift away to sleep. If he hopes to ever gain access to his body, he needs all the energy he can get.

"Rest, kiddo. I'll be there when you wake up. We'll find a safe place and run all the experiments you can think of. Get to know our limits and all that stuff." 

It's a promise.

They'll figure it out. One way or another. But certainly together.

It's… nice to finally not be alone. Pride shines through uncertainty and doubts — he's already helped, and so fast, too! So there's that, as the voice said.

There's that.

。。。

Notes

Nightmare and the voice interacting in this fic is the best thing to happen to me, I swear to gods. I love Nightmare and the voice's interaction in general, be it positive or negative, but here? Such a treat. Perfection. I love those two with all my heart. They deserve the world.

。。。

Navigation

First | Previous | Next

[highdio]

Via Billboard Japan, Special interview with Hirohiko Araki on ‘Walking Together’ with Prince throughout  ‘Jojo.’

In a new article, Hirohiko Araki gives a comprehensive interview on the influence Prince and other artists have had on his creative process throughout the Jojo series. Full interview at billboard-japan.com here’s some highlights:

On concluding 10 years of Jojolion:

Billboard Japan: Congratulations on concluding Jojolion’s serialization. How are you feeling right now?

Araki: Since I was able to properly end the story, instead of leaving it kind of vague, I’m satisfied creatively. When you work like this every day, it takes a physical toll on you. So now I’m “resetting” myself.

Billboard Japan: The  story arc was serialized over a period of 10 years, making it the longest of the series. When it began in 2011, the story was deeply influenced by the [Tohoku] earthquake disaster, which you yourself commented about in the manga. And in terms of approaching the “Dilemma,” there are depictions that call to mind the coronavirus pandemic. It seems like it’s been a rough 10 years.

Araki: These 10 years were rough, and it also felt like a decade of climbing ever upward, as if I were headed toward a singular goal. The previous series (Part 7), “Steel Ball Run,” was also a story in which the hero pushed forward toward his goal. So it feels like the end of an era, like I was able to finally bring the story to its proper conclusion.

On Prince’s symbols and ‘codes:’

Billboard Japan: The part of ‘Jojo’ I think of as full of Prince love is that one episode in Stardust Crusaders. The one with the scene where Muhammad Avdol feeds chickens named “Michael,” “Prince” and “Lionel,”  and with Judgment and Jean Pierre Polnareff with “Hail 2 U!” You use English notation, right?

Araki: It’s nostalgic. “2 U” or “4 U” is also kind of shocking, isn’t it? I wrote it this way. It feels like a Symbol or a cryptographic Code.

On avoiding being ‘too obvious’ with the Prince references:

Billboard Japan: Part 5, “Golden Wind,” introduced Giorno Giovanna’s stand, “Gold Experience.” For the first time, Prince’s work appeared as a stand name.

Araki: I avoided that as much as I could, but with ‘Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure’ using diamond and platinum already, I was hooked on the idea of using minerals for protagonists’ stand names. When I wondered, “What works with ‘Gold?,’” that’s when I decided on “The Gold Experience.”

Billboard Japan: Avoided what?

Araki: I had to avoid getting asked, “Aren’t you using Prince too much?” (laughs). There’s more artists than him!

Billboard Japan: In Jojolion, Josuke Higashikata’s stand is named “Soft & Wet” and Yasuho Hirose’s stand is named “Paisley Park,” from Prince’s work.

Araki: “Soft & Wet” seems to have returned me to my roots, and I thought that the name matched the soap bubbles. With Yasuho, I wanted to use traffic notation in the design, so I thought about the images of “P” or “parking” and decided to make it “Paisley Park” to unify it with Prince.  

On music, positivity, and Araki’s recent interest in ‘bad people:’

Billboard Japan: You said that when you listen to music it places you next to the musician’s way of thinking, their fashion, and the attitude of their times. Please tell us a little more about what music means to you.

Araki: Music symbolizes a way of thinking and the times in which it was recorded. I don’t like to show the negative side of things so much, instead I have a desire to be positive. It’s the same thing with ‘Jojo.’ But a new type of feeling has taken over me, that there are works that aren’t positive, and I think I have to learn from those works too. So right now, I’m interested in bad people. I like those people. I’m interested in people who are falling apart.

Billboard Japan: What’s a bad person?

Araki: People try to improve their lives or their standing, don’t they? “I want to be great,” in some sense, or “I want to be rich.” I’m interested in people who aren’t that way, who instead are heading toward ruin, or harming the world or hurting their families.

Araki on buying physical CDs and how he organizes his library:

Billboard Japan: How do you usually listen to music?

Araki: Sometimes I listen to it after downloading it, but I’d prefer it to be a basic CD. I’ll go out and buy them, one by one. I want to read all the information in tiny letters. Also, I want a jacket, above all else. I want a jacket with a strange picture. I have a CD cabinet in my house, and I really like looking at it. While the order of the songs is important, the order of the albums is also important, and I arrange them in the order of their release. I wondered where to put Prince’s “Black Album” [recorded in 1987 but released in 1994].

On Part 3 and the changing acceptance of women MCs:

Billboard Japan: The Joestar party in Part 3, including Jotaro Kujo, was a pretty diverse group.

Araki: That’s right. But women couldn’t be included. I thought I couldn’t put a cute girl out there into a life-and-death fight or into a scene where, if they were a villain, they’d have to take an ORAORA punch. With Jolyne Kujo in ‘Stone Ocean,’ that kind of thinking has disappeared.

Billboard Japan: Was it the times?

Araki: I wonder if it was the era. The readers of Jump don’t mind it at all anymore if I draw women. But in the old days, that would get rejected by the readers. So, even in shōnen manga, I think the way we view gender and social conditions is changing. In Part 3, I really wanted to put a girl there, and I felt that way for a while…

[wolf-queer-discourse]

Adventures in Aphobia #1

So I was scrolling through Tumblr the other day (a regrettable mistake as always), and I had the great pleasure of seeing this joyous post.

*deep breath*

Not gonna lie, posts like this make me real pissed. Pissed because the person who posted this exists in a space where they feel comfortable enough to post this online. Pissed because these posts are so common and often face little backlash. And pissed because there’s nothing better than allosexuals condescendingly explaining to asexual people why they’re dirty attention whores who invent their own oppression. Ace people deserve to be defended against this horseshit. Young people see these posts, and it’s extremely damaging to have your identity be nothing more than fuel for people in discourse to mock you and demand you bled in order for them to notice your pain.

Anger aside, many people do not see why this post is wrong, so why is it? Let’s unpack this clusterfuck of bigotry:

“would love to see substantive evidence of systematic “aphobia” that isn’t actually just misogyny, toxic masculinity, or rpe culture.”

God damn, we are not mincing our words here XD. A few things: systematic in bold, which tells you if you do not make a blood sacrifice on the altar of queer pain you will not be taken seriously. Potential nitpick, but systemic and systematic are not the same thing. I believe systemic is the word they’re looking for. Systematic implies a lot more intentionality that can be hard to prove. Systemic merely means that systems, in their current state, do aphobic things, which they absolutely do.

“Aphobia” in quotes is absolutely rich. Not only will this person refuse to acknowledge systemic aphobia, which is only one type, but this poster casts clear doubt upon the mere concept of aphobia in and of itself. We love to see it.

There’s a lot to unpack here. The statement, as clearly condescending as intended, is sort of correct, though it doesn’t mean a whole lot. Systemic oppression is about the systems in a society (government, healthcare, etc) discriminating against people. Systemic oppression is not bigotry faced on a person-to-person level. In short, systematic oppression is something a person experiences in their overall life, while personal discrimination is experienced on a personal level by people who are not singularly in control of the systems. This post boils down the negative comments ace people face into being called “weird”, which is an understatement for sure, but calling a gay person weird isn’t systemic oppression either.

It’s still bad and discriminatory.

This is such a snotty way to dismiss aphobia as some mere, insignificant comment with no meaning as if it doesn’t reinforce society’s painful aphobic views in the same way casual homophobic comments reinforce heteronormativity and society’s hostility toward gay people.

Ace people face discrimination in healthcare, most notably, which is systemic discrimination, but the systemic discrimination of asexuals really ought to be its own post if I’m to nosedive into it. Even if ace people faced no systemic discrimination, it wouldn’t make this point anymore correct. Discrimination is a perfectly valid reason to feel disregarded by society, and often only ace people are denied the right to feel this way and are instead gaslit into admitting what they face is no big deal and they’re just making it up for attention.

The experience of being pressured to have sex when you’re allo vs ace is very different. The vast majority of allo people do not plan to be celibate their whole lives. Many ace people do not want to have sex, ever. “Waiting for sex” in much of western society and in Christianity is seen as pure and honorable. Yet being asexual and never wanting sex is seen as a deviant disorder and people are accused of robbing their partner of sex forever.

There’s really a specific flavor of sexual pressure that is unique to ace people. Sex being to “fix” someone or because they “just need to try it”.

In this respect, aphobic sexual pressure is better compared to that faced by gay people and lesbians. Lesbians especially often can face this same struggle, men pressuring them to have sex because they think lesbians just need to “try it” or to “fix them”. I can imagine this poster would have no issue acknowledging lesbophobia being the root of lesbians coerced into sex with men, yet she does not give ace people the same.

Imagine if someone said (and knowing our fucked world, someone probably has): “Lesbophobia doesn’t exist. It’s just misogyny. Straight women are coerced into sex too!”

It’d be pathetic bullshit. Toxic masculinity, misogyny and many other issues can all tangle into combined messes with other forms of bigotry. Lesbophobia is an experience that deserves to be recognized apart from misogyny, even if the two are linked. Please stop erasing ace people’s experiences with this when it’s not the same thing.

Honestly, though, this post, as trashy as it is, if anything, is perhaps, really asking: Is there any type of aphobic experience that’s inherently exclusive to ace people?

I still wager to go say, yes, yes there is, but I must make an important point first:

Most experiences of queer discrimination are not limited to queer people.

Homophobia and transphobia are both experienced by cishets in certain instances. Feminine straight men can be victims of homophobic harassment. This does not disprove the fact that it’s homophobia just because a straight man is the victim of it. A tall cis woman with broad shoulders and a lower voice may be the victim of transphobic remarks or comments. The basis of these comments is rooted in transphobia, however, so the fact that the victim is cis does not erase the transphobia.

People who argue that experiences ace people complain about can be experienced by allosexuals are not poking a legitimate hole in doing this. Certain experiences related to aphobia can and are experienced by allosexuals. If you do not acknowledge this, then homophobia and transphobia aren’t real because cishet people have sometimes experienced them.

Despite cishets sometimes experiencing queerphobia, most of us acknowledge that their experience of that bigotry, however unfortunate, is not the same as that experienced by actual queer people. It’d be quite homophobic for a feminine straight man to claim he knew just as much about the gay experience as an actual gay man. Similarly, when allosexual people relate experiences that were rooted in aphobia, it’s overstepping a line when they claim asexual discrimination isn’t real because they experienced elements of it too.

Cishet (cishet including allosexuals) people do not experience their doctors telling them their sexuality might be a disorder or caused by trauma. Allo queer people can experience this with their sexualities too.

“using sex appeal to sell products is misogyny, it is not engineered to gross sex-repulsed people, it is meant to objectify women.”

This is a strawman thinner than my last nerve. Uh, what? What ace people are you seeing that literally think sex appeal was engineered to gross-out sex-repulsed people?? I don’t think this is a core argument??

Yes, sex-repulsed ace people sometimes complain about sex appeal in media being uncomfortable. But that’s it. Every time an ace person shares a discomfort of theirs doesn’t mean it’s the entire basis of their oppression. For the love of God, let ace people discuss their experiences without being blow-torched over not being oppressed enough with an individual discomfort. 

BONUS ROUND

(This was in the tags)

“Completely vilifies celibate individuals” 

...no…? What…? Huh…? 

The most charitable interpretation of this vague accusation is that the poster means celibate people face aphobia as well, due to not wanting to have sex. I have no idea how this “vilifies” anyone, but that aside, as said before: people who are not queer can face aphobia. Also worth noting that society treats celibate people way better than ace people, which is really another example of aphobia. Celibate people can be told they’re missing out (which could be at very least related to aphobic ideals), but they’re rarely called broken. Celibacy is seen more as a respected, controlled ideal in allo people, but when ace people want to do it, they’re just mentally ill.

Anyway, the post was aphobic trash, and it needs to be debunked more often. Mocking ace people online is not a good look anymore, guys. Don't be ugly.

[skipps-writes-for-gojo-satoru]

A short thread I found about Gojo's character that helps shine a light to how caring he is:

https://twitter.com/musikawu/status/1376984416485007363?s=19

Also, I actually just realized this recently after rewatching JJK that Gojo got super attached to Yuji really quickly. Gojo not only got very angry on his behalf but went out of his way to ask Nanami for help in caring for Yuji when he's supposed to be the strongest sorcerer. And at that time, Gojo made it clear to Nanami that he didn't ask him to do so due to Yuji's potential as a vessel. Gojo asked Nanami for this favor as an adult who wants to see the growth of a young man. Gojo was very precise in telling Nanami that he was looking not at Sukuna and Yuji's power, but at Yuji himself as not only an individual, but a child that needed nurturing and care. Before Yuji's death, Gojo had already even made preparations to have Yuta take care of Yuji cause he knew something might happen to him- even more development is that despite what Gojo says about himself, he's aware of his own flaws. What he appears to be on the outside is nothing like what he truly feels on the inside. He doesn't delude himself into narcissistic behavior that makes him unable to ask for help. He asks for help willingly and of his own accord- Yuta couldn't even fathom how the strongest sorcerer would face a problem he couldn't solve on his own, but Gojo does. Gojo is smart enough to know he needs to rely on others to move forward, and relying on someone means putting a certain amount of trust there. Gojo puts just as much faith in other people as he does himself, and the interesting part is that while it's more admirable to go out of your way to protect someone else, Gojo never brags about that. He only "brags" about things that will annoy the other person, but really he is only saying a commonly known "truth" in order to rile people up. It may sound like bragging- which it sort of is- but Gojo saying he's the strongest is not a lie. Him saying "I alone am the honoured one" is not necessarily a lie either. People don't call him the Strongest for nothing.

In fact, even more interestingly enough, besides Gojo, who includes Geto when people talk about the "strongest?" Despite being the definite "strongest," Gojo is the one who constantly says "We are the Strongest," not the other way around. He's also mature enough to recognize and point out other people's strengths, such as Mei Mei's, saying she is too strong to cry.

If Gojo truly was a narcissist, he would have mentioned everything else he's done for people, like stopping Megumi's sale to the Zenin clan and getting the Fushiguros financial aid. He could brag about being persuasive enough to save Yuji from execution or even saving Yuta from execution- Yuta becoming a special grade sorcerer soon after Gojo saved him is something you can easily brag about- but Gojo doesn't brag about his personal achievements at all- not in the way that demands respect from others, at least. Gojo only "brags" to tease others lightheartedly and to tick them off a little- and I don't think the demeaning things Gojo says to the higher ups can be used to show he's a narc because *many* people in Gojo's position would have said (and done) much, much worse things.

Also, when Yuji died, Gojo had become so emotional that even Shoko, who had been there since Gojo's youth, had commented on how unlike him it was. People irl really thought it was because Gojo couldn't use him as a weapon against the higher ups anymore, but reading how Gojo had told Nanami that he saw their relationship as an adult and a child makes me think differently. Something very important in the Light Novel is when Gojo tells Nanami that his students, because they are sorcerers, will soon have to "face the evil intentions of sh*tty humans." Not only sorcerers, but "every person has to bite into that bitterness, know what it means to give up, and pile up despairs to become an adult." People like Gojo and Nanami, Gojo had said, are capable of withstanding and releasing the "poison" that runs through the heart. However, the youngsters are more sensitive in that age, and "one poison could destroy their hearts" (I'm sure Gojo was thinking of Geto as he said this). That's why he wants to leave Yuji in the care of Nanami, "an adult who understands other people pain." Not that Gojo is unable to understand pain, but in the earlier events of the Light Novel as context, Gojo is faced with a mother who is mourning the loss of her child. While Nanami tries to gently comfort her and secretly find information on the cursed spirit at the same time using vague words, Gojo's words are straight forward and to the point, which startles the mother. It's not necessarily a bad things, however- Gojo's words had ended up allowing the mother to see her situation as it was without delusions, a tough love situation, so to speak, and the two were able to confirm their intel to be correct. It was Gojo who helped her to heal quicker by allowing her to realize her problem through his cutting words, but I'm sure Gojo realizes his "bad personality,"- which isn't really so bad in some cases- isn't for everyone. Gojo is very aware that people react negatively to his behavior, even if he is unable to understand just how deeply they despise him (*cough* Utahime) In that way, Gojo shows he cares very much for Yuji's mental growth, even in that short period of time, by entrusting his care to Nanami, who he comments would do a much better job than be could.

Therefore, I think Gojo might actually get attached to people more quickly than it might seem like. He also thinks very deeply and no matter how he acts, he's able to recognize others' strengths and acknowledge his own flaws- this is a key part of his character because he doesn't delude himself in his position as the Strongest. To those who think Gojo sees himself as a God, he is far from that behavior, and he is self aware enough to know that people need more to grow than just power and strength. Unfortunately, it seems most people either despise Gojo or are too enamoured by his looks to see past the surface of the more boisterous and childish part of his personality. That's likely the main reason he finds it hard to commit, too.

(More ranting 😭. There was this reddit post saying Gojo's narcissistic enough to be a more evil villain than Sukuna, that he would actually end up becoming the villain- like really??? And so many people really agreed that he's incapable of feeling true emotions that it's absurd. I really can't believe they even think Gojo has a God complex. Someone with a God complex, like most of the other disorders, wouldn't be able to admit their own flaws, let alone ask for help! The fact that Gojo even admits to having a "bad personality" is another tell against that. Sometimes I wonder if people are just projecting, but I also realize it's hard to differentiate between being an ENTP and being a sociopath because of how- on the surface- they seem so similar! But if you just dig a little deeper to look at their roots, they are so completely different it's a wonder how you'd get confused in the first place)

- 🤔

OH I COULDN'T AGREE MORE 🤔 anon here spitting FACTS. Yeah alot of people think gojo's a narcissist with huge ego but that ain't the case at all as explained above. I mean he was put on a pedestal since birth he gotta have some ego in that but that fact doesnt blind him. yeah sure he's the strongest but just one line "I'm the strongest" doesn't mean he's bragging it may sound like it but he's just stating facts he is indeed in fact the strongest in the jujutsu society. He knows he can't do everything on his own I mean why did he even become a teacher in the first place? Becuz he wants to make the next generation of jujutsu sorcerers stronger! No one asked him to do it he himself wanted to be a teacher even though at time he sucks at it.

He genuinely wants to do good not just for himself but for others as well. As interesting as the concept of Gojo becoming a villain it will never happen. Don't judge a damn book by it's cover even if it's a very attractive one hes just such an interesting character its shame most people don't see that.

[loosesodamarble]

Demon Slayer Renaming Continued

Thanks again to @cringeyvanillamilk for assisting me with this renaming project! I'd also like to give a shout out to @cryo-visionary, @spindaonateaspoon, and @loafingdragon for letting me bounce my thoughts off them while I was coming up with the last few names! These guys are good friends and wonderful creators! Please, check out their blogs!

Now it’s time to reveal the new names for the other Demon Slayer character for their migration into the world of Black Clover. Like with the Pillars, it was hard breaking down these Japanese names and finding names with similar meanings/feelings to them.

Thankfully, some of these characters are related to character already given their surnames so that takes care of explaining a few of them. Still, there was quite a bit of work to do.

As always, names written in Japanese are written with the surname first. Names written in English have the given name first.

Tanjirou Kamado (竈門 炭治郎): Tanjirou’s given name contains three kanji. The first means “coal,” “charcoal,” or “cinder.” Second is the character for “govern/regulate” or “cure/heal.” The final kanji means “son,” as we’ve seen in several other characters’ names. His surname is written with the kanji for “hearth” and “gate.” As a young mage a dual affinity for Water and Sun Magic, he would be... Conleth Coaler: The name Conleth is Irish in origin, meaning “chaste fire.” I like the alliteration of the name, it works with the “hearth” character in his surname, and it’s a reference to the Breath of the Sun being called the Dance of the Fire God. As for the family name, way back when, a lot of surnames came from people being named after their jobs. Since the Kamado family were charcoal sellers and Tanjirou’s name includes the kanji for “coal,” I decided to make his surname Coaler.

Nezuko Kamado (竈門 禰豆子): Although some people might think that the “nezu” part of Nezuko’s name is meant to mean “mouse,” the kanji written actually mean “sacred” and “bean.” The final kanji in her name is the one for “child.” Nezuko’s name as an elf host with dual Fire and Light Magic user would be... Lucasta Coaler: The name Lucasta comes from a poem of the same name by Richard Lovelace to the woman he loved. It’s a nickname for her coming from the Latin phrase lux casta which literally translates into “pure light.” It is fitting as Nezuko’s blood demon art is fire, creating light, and the idea of purity relating to the “sacred” kanji in her name.

Zenitsu Agatsuma (我妻 善逸): Zenitsu’s given name is written with the kanji 善 that means “virtue/goodness” and 逸 which means “flee/hide/lost/outstanding” (one of these things is not like the others). As for his surname, it roughly translates into “my wife” as the kanji (in order) mean “I/me” and “wife.” A lot of this is very straight forward and easy to work with. So, the name he has as a Lightning Magic user in the Amber Songbird squad is... Egil McBride: The name Egil seems to come from Old Norse, derived from the term “agi” which means “awe” or “terror.” It’s fitting as “awe” has positive connotations like the first kanji in his name while “terror” has negative connotations like the second kanji. As for that surname, you all are going to have to trust me when I say that I literally had a classmate with this family name. It’s legitimate. There is no way I’m not giving the name to Zenitsu.

Inosuke Hashibira (嘴平 伊之助): To start, the first syllables of Inosuke’s name are the same as the beginning of the Japanese word for boar (inoshishi). As for the meaning of the kanji, they are as follows: “this,” a possessive particle (think of it like an ‘s), and “assistance.” Hashibira is written with characters that mean “beak” and “peace/flat.” The name I came up with for Inosuke as a Beast Magic user wandering Clover Kingdom is... Boris Fritz: The first syllable of the given name sounds like “boar” just like how “Ino” is homophonous with the beginning of the Japanese word for “boar.” It’s also a shortened version of the Slavic name Borislav, containing “borti” meaning “battle” and “slava” meaning “glory” (how very appropriate for him). As for his surname, it comes from the Germanic element of "frid," meaning "peace."

Genya Shinazugawa (不死川 玄弥): The first kanji in Genya’s name means “mysteriousness” or “occultness,” which makes sense considering his, uh, unorthodox abilities in canon. He shares the second character in his name with Sanemi, which means “increasing” or “universally.” As before with Sanemi, the name Shinazugawa means “immortal river.” As the younger brother of the Jade Raptor’s captain, Genya’s name becomes... Runard Ambrose: This name comes from combining the Old Norse word for “secret” (rún) and the Germanic word for “brave, hardy.” The first half relates to the first kanji in Genya’s name while the second is fitting of his character. The name also makes an interesting parallel to his brother’s name (Adivar) since it means “truth.” It’s ironic since Genya is a more open person while Sanemi is the one to bury his feelings deep within himself.

Kanao Tsuyuri (栗花落 カナヲ): The trouble with Kanao’s name is that it isn’t written with any kanji characters, so there’s no easily defined meaning to it. Fortunately, like, Shinobu’s name, there are words that sound similar from which her name could come from. The words I found were the volitional conjugations of the following words: “to rival” (敵おう), “to match” (適おう), or “to be fulfilled” (叶おう) in regards to dreams or wishes. Her surname does have kanji which are “chestnut,” “flower,” and “to fall or drop” respectively. As a mage in the Wisteria Butterfly squad, her name would be... Filomina Castaniva: The name combines φιλος (philos) meaning “friend” or “beloved” and μενος (menos) which means anything from “wish” to “courage” to “strength.” The “wish” meaning relates to the possible meaning of Kanao’s name and the name overall is a reference to how befriending and falling for Tanjirou opened Kanao to her own desires and a greater strength. The surname is derived from the scientific name for the Spanish chestnut, Castanea sativa. I chose this specific species since it is the species of chestnut that grows in Europe.

Kanae Kochou (胡蝶 カナエ): Same as Kanao, Kanae’s name is written without kanji but we can find words with similar sounds and go off that. Her name is homophonous with the word for “a three-legged kettle.” Not the coolest thing to be named after but her name could also come from the same words as Kanao, but as the stems of the potential conjugations - 敵える, 適える, or 叶える. Kanae definitely fits with the last definition best since she had a dream to see humans and demons co-exist peacefully, even though she never got to see it through herself. With all this in mind, the name I gave her as the retired Wisteria Butterfly captain is... Desirae Danain: One spelling of the name Désirée which is derived from the French word for “to desire,” like a want. It think it's a good complement to the “kanau” meaning “to be fulfilled.” For that and how it connects to Kanae’s dream, I went with this name. I think in the world of Black Clover, she would instead have a dream of seeing the four human kingdoms and other races learn to live in harmony. She shares her surname with Shinobu, or should I say Patience.

Sabito (錆兎): Since we don’t know Sabito’s family name, there’s not much to work with. What we do have are the kanji 錆 which means “rust” or “patina” (which is that layer of green that forms on bronze, brass, or copper due to oxidation). The second character, 兎, simply means “rabbit.” From these kanji, I give Sabito the following name as the vice captain of the Cobalt Ocean... Payton Harrison: I’m basing this given name both on the fact that it vaguely sounds similar to “patina” but also on its meaning. While the sources aren’t clear, I’ve found that the name Payton supposedly means “fighting man’s estate” which is fitting of Sabito’s character. The surname simply means “son of Harry” which doesn’t mean much but it contains the sound “hare,” an animal related to rabbits.

Tamayo (珠世): Tamayo also only has her given name and two kanji to work with. The first character in her name can be translated as “pearl,” “gem,” or “jewel.” The second kanji is commonly understood and translated at “world.” As a researcher of forbidden magic and curses, and someone working against the powers of devils, I give her the name... Margareta Verelden: The given name is used in several languages such as Romanian, German, and Croatian that comes from the Greek μαργαρίτης (margarites), meaning “pearl.” Her surname is a combination of "verden" and "wereld," the Danish and Dutch words for "world," with the Dutch word being in its plural form.

Yoriichi Tsugikuni (継国 縁壱): Yoriichi’s given name is written with the characters that mean “fate,” “relationship,” or “connection” and then “one” (it should be noted that this “one” isn’t commonly used in day-to-day life and is mostly seen in legal documents). The first character in his surname means “inherit” or “succeed” (like a line of succession, not victory) and the second means “country.” Dustyn: His given name is an alternative spelling of the name Dustin which sounds like the words “destiny” or “destined” in connection to the first kanji of Yoriichi’s name. As for the meaning, that would be “brave/valiant warrior,” coming from Old German and Old English roots. Since in canon we don't see any elves with family names, I've opted to keep to that trend.

Michikatsu Tsugikuni (継国 厳勝): Michikatsu’s given name is written using characters that mean “strict” or “stern” and “victory” respectively. The first kanji works in relation to his personality, especially during his time as a demon. The second one is probably related to the fact that he was the chosen heir of their family and wanted to be the greatest samurai. Anyways, his name as the leader of the elf resurrection cult is... Viktr: The name comes from me corrupting the spelling of Victor, which is literally just one letter shy of the word “victory” and generally means “winner” or “conquerer.” Same as with Yoriichi, Michikatsu doesn't get a family name as an elf.

Senjurou Rengoku (煉獄 千寿郎): There’s not much to explain here as most of the kanji that appear in Senjurou’s name are also in Kyoujurou’s name. The only unique kanji is the character 千 which means “thousand. So, as the younger brother of Captain Eric Enfernus, he would be named... Ezeren Enfernus: The “ezer” part of his name comes from the Hungarian word for “one thousand.” Also, there’s a mountain named Mount Ezeren in Bulgaria.

[bonkle]

Some Bionicle Names Etymology

Right I’ll just make a whole post about this. I’ve had a lot of linguistic revelations about some of the names from the Ignition trilogy lately, in that members of the same groups seem to share thematic origins for their names. Figured I’d share them and look for some additional input, Biosector and other wikis don’t seem to note a lot of these. 

Some locations and also the Kanohi Ignika: These are probably the most obvious that most people know, but I’m putting them here anyway since I only realized Karda Nui’s and the Ignika’s etymology recently.

Mata Nui: “Mata” seems like one of the Māori words that got used early on, which means “surface,” which is fitting for an island. Though it  apparently also can mean “face,” which, wow, that foreshadowing.

I am aware “Kanohi” also means face in Māori.

Coincidentally, “Mata” does sound like “matter,” which thematically works with... *waves hands vaguely.* Matter, existence, Great Being, yknow...stuff.

Metru/Voya/Mahri/Karda Nui: Metro/voyage/marine/cardiac.

Bara/Aqua/Bota Magna: All terms relating to their states as a desert, ocean, and jungle. “Magna” is literally just Latin for “great” as well.

Ignika: Ignite (should’ve realized this earlier, considering its whole plotline is called the Ignition Trilogy).

The Barraki: Most of them have names based off their associated marine animal. Also pretty obvious, save for some exceptions.

Carapar: Crabs/carapace.

Ehlek: Eels/electricity.

Kalmah: Squids, calamari.

Mantax: Manta rays.

Pridak: Okay I thought this was derived from “a pride of sharks” but turns out a pride is a group of lions. So I actually have no idea, other than I guess Pridak is a prideful being or whatever.

Takadox: Weirdly, Takadox is associated with bugs. My best guess is that his name might be based from “tacklebox?” Cause bugs -> bait -> fishing.

The Karda Nui Makuta: Generally nasty names. The Mistika Makuta have a bug theme, but also maybe a spooky theme (spirits of the mist, after all).

Antroz: Antagonist? “Ant-” as that general negative prefix, at any rate.

Chirox: No idea. Google says “chiro-” is a prefix referring to the hands (like “chiropractor”), but I don’t think that relates to his character at all.

Mutran: Mutate, as our resident mad scientist (okay I guess all the Makuta are technically mad scientists, but you know what I mean).

Vamprah: Vampire.

Bitil: Beetle.

Krika: Cricket? I’m not sure he really looks like a cricket though. Maybe from “creak,” to fit in with the spooky mistika theme.

Gorast: Wasp for bug theme? Gore/ghast for spooky theme?

The Karda Nui Av-Matoran: Seem to have names all related to light and energy, surprise surprise.

Gavla: Galvanize. Fun fact, this is one of those words that isn’t from a Greek/Latin root or whatever, but some guy’s name, Luigi Galvani, the father of bioelectromagnetics. Particularly relevant considering Karda Nui’s thematics.

Kirop: No idea. Sounds like “corrupt” which is thematically relevant to his character, but that doesn’t fit with the overall naming theme of light. My other best guess is like...a backwards “spark” (symbolically reflecting his state as a shadow matoran?...).

Photok: Photon.

Radiak: Radiate.

Solek: Sol.

Tanma: ...Gamma? Like gamma radiation? This one is a bit of a stretch, I’ll admit.

Vican (Ok I know Vican isn’t an Av-Matoran but I’m putting him here since he’s still a 2008 Matoran): A shortening of Victor Frankenstein maybe, as befitting of his role as Mutran’s assistant.

Anyway if anyone has any other thoughts or examples, I’d love to hear them!

[cullxtheherd]

Dammit, I'm too soft and need my comfort boys now! 😭

Can I get “No one’s kissed me like that in a long time.” for Sharky, my dear pyromaniac boy? ❤

hell yeah you friggin can!!! thank, thank, thank you for sending me this ask!! i haven't proofread SHIT!! i took my medicaiton and i need a nap!!! asakdjskdsk this is uh? what most would call NSFW, enjoy!

“Woah, woah Chica-” Charlemagne grips the condensation laden bottle by its end and its past peeling sticker. The texture lies somewhere between off putting and comforting and he runs the pad of his thumb over one of the wrinkled corners, “Hold on now I-hCc!” Despite being a well seasoned drinker something must not have sat right with him this evening and he hiccups twice before he can continue.

“What was I sayin’?'' It comes out as one word on one hopps laden breath and he refocuses on his drinking partner for the time being, “Oh, yeah!” He hikes a finger into the air vaguely in her direction with one eye half closed, leaning on the rounded edge of the bartop, “We hardly even know each other, Little Miss!” With the bottle halfway to his lips he abruptly stops, one finger uncurling to point at her as well, “And I do declare-hmnn-hmm-hmm!”

Sharky can’t hardly help himself on a good day and he starts laughing. First he does try to subdue it, face pinching with the effort but he does release a painful snort, “I’m sorry,” He tries between a hoot, “I can’t even take my own damn self seriously- did you hear what I was even trying to say? I mean, woo-hoo!” He laughs again at the thought, cheeks and neck reddening with rising hilarity, “Me. Charlemagne Victor Boshaw the FOURTH!! Tellin’ an interested woman what’s for.”

“Well, I mean!” He realizes himself too late and he sputters trying to backtrack, bottle at his lips for a swish before he continues, “That is not to say that I am assumin’ nothin’ when it comes to that or you and me- and hey!” Feeling like he’s really only caught his first good, decent look at his comrade for the night, he tries to concentrate around the blurred, starry edges of his vision. “Hang on now, you remind me of somebody.” His face screws up in a look of near constipation, gears grinding and turning - trying desperately to form a single, cognitive thought, “I know you…”

“Aww,” Her voice is low and pitying, sickeningly sweet, “Sharky.” Tinged with a hint of hopeful disappointment, “You should just stop thinking.” She swivels in her seat, one leg folded neatly over the other and a halo of blonde shining under the overhead lights, “Just,” She inches closer, just slightly, forever luring him in but never setting the hook, “Hush that pretty head of yours and have another drink. It is,” The lines around her eyes set when she giggles far more youthful than her appearance, “On the house, after all.”

“Yeah,” He agrees though he isn’t particularly thirsty and when a bottle is pressed to his lips he takes a lengthy swig, fully trusting the woman he’s been speaking to. “I should,” So entranced is he that he hardly realizes the switch off. New bottle, different shape, “You’re right.” Directly from her hands to his mouth this time. “That’s an excellent idea-” He wants to elaborate but the thoughts leave him and he watches, happily, as someone he is sure he should know briefly interrupts their little two-person soirée.

“Yes,” He catches her saying, “Yes Father.”

The way she looks up at him with an unmatched, heady desire sparks a tight, hateful twinge somewhere deep within him and suddenly, without thought or warning, he’s getting up out of his seat- nearly jumping backwards off of his bar stool. He doesn’t say anything but he holds himself on edge, breath heavy and chest tight. Ready for what, he isn’t sure.

His new friend gets up as well. Slowly and placatingly she approaches him. Tiptoeing barefoot around the toppled stool she rests on her heels in front of him, pads of her pointers tracing the raised, bubble lettering of his sweatshirt. “Shame,” She sounds sad and heartbroken as she looks up at him through her lashes, “Things were going so well, wouldn’t you say?”

Though he is struggling through the haze, trying to break free from the control she has on him he finds himself nodding along, mouth opening, “Yes, I would.”

“Tonight was going to be the night, Charlemagne,” There is an almost supernatural, haunting tone to her voice that coats him to his very soul- viscous and charming is she, “The. Night.” She pouts feigning a sob into his chest and, despite the dread creeping in he embraces her, palms smoothing over the lines of her gauzy, lace dress. “Do you understand what that means?”

Sharky doesn’t respond verbally but his fingers tighten, digging into the curve of her shoulders underneath a layer of fabric that reminds him of the floral doilies his grandmother kept on surfaces around her home.

“You and me, together,” Though he is gaining his wits his heart aches for that statement, “Forever.” She spins once, heavenly, between his arms and humming, “It could be Bliss, you know.”

She looks up at him and though he knows he should make a move to run- leave this place and never look back, he dips his head instead. When their lips meet it is other-worldly. Charlemagne feels like blasting off into space with Larry and whatever that damn computer's name is he’s always talking about.

Though they are by no means alone, anything rooted in reality ceases to exist for him. They could be in the middle of a field, tornado overhead- bottom of a mountain with an avalanche barrelling down and he would be none the wiser. Sharky had never been one to buy into the whole ‘time stops’ theory when it came to being with another person and sharing intimacy, but? He is becoming a believer as the seconds tick by.

When they pull apart, each of their chests heaving for breath he takes a long, wisened look at her. This is? The enemy. Without a doubt- make no mistakes about it. This is wrong.

She opens her mouth to say something but unthinking and working solely on drive Charlemagne pushes forward, rearing her into the wall of, what he is now aware is, not a licensed retail establishment. The bus turned Peggie jungle gym decorating the center of Moonflower Trailer Park creaks and groans with the voracity in which he attaches himself to her.

In the many times he’d dared to imagine a similar scenario he at least envisioned some kind of refusal or rebuttal from the female Herald but she leans into him, eager to respond. Sharky pulls away, flustered lips biting a line down the side of her mouth to her chin. At her neck he particularly digs in, hands tying into her hair tightly.

“No one’s kissed me like that in a long time,” She’s a mixture of cross and ashamed, hands wrung tightly in the curled hairs at the nape of his neck, “Bastard.”

“Should leave you with a little somethin’ for Padre Joe, in that case.” He moves in as her mouth opens to object, teeth rough on the tender bend of her neck. A hand travels the curve of her ass, bringing her in closely as she responds.

“Sharky . . .”

He’s never heard a creature as ethereal as her breathless before and it takes battling an excellent sense of self preservation to make a line of mottled, swollen hickeys in every tender, erogenous zone he can manage to get to. “You like that?” As the Bliss really begins to leave him he does have the sense to start getting angry with her and her tricks despite their current entanglement.

She nods her agreement, little huffs of air tickling the short hairs on the side of his neck but it isn’t quite the type of affirmation he’s looking for.

“Let’s see, then.” With nearly any other woman he would likely not be this assertive but this is the second time she’s tried to drug him and take advantage of him to get him to join their stupid wacky cult and? He’s not concerned about pleasantries or anything resembling normalcy. The hand at her rear ruchs up the back of her dress just enough so that he can trace the outline of her panties freely before snaking a finger inside, “Oh, yeah?”

She has the decency to look embarrassed and he smiles wide, pleased, “You get all hot and bothered thinkin’ of ways to get me to say Yes, don’t you?”

“I-” He shifts, moving to bring his hand to a more advantageous position and she makes a noise of protest, “No!”

Sharky raises a brow at her and the way her barefoot slaps the ground in rebuttal, “You sure about that?” Reaching between them he adjusts himself, purposefully slow to return his hand to the apex of her thighs. Alight with joy at the look of frustration it causes he relents, “Now,” The decommissioned school bus creaks when she tries to vy for leverage against his slow, lapping movements, “Think real hard before you answer me-”

“Yes! I do- I,” Rachel cuts herself off sucking in a large, shaking breath, “Ohh! I love thinking of ways to bring you down, Sinner! I- mmm!”

Charlemagne laughs silently, eyes creasing up in the direction of the moonlight. Toeing the line of stern and gentle he leans in, lips and tongue and careful teeth against her. Two small, hot hands grip the width of his wrist, keeping him there, when he tries to adjust his stance and he grins against her, sickeningly glad to know he is doing well for her.

Nose against the shell of her ear and mouth working on and off in time with his digits he speaks gently this time, starkly aware of what her reality must be, “How long has it been since a man treated you right?” Apparently unable to speak, she shakes her head in the negative, teeth pinching her lower lip, “Never?”

“Shut up,” She barely manages.

“What?”

“I said shut up and fuck me, Charlemagne!”

His entire face screws up at that, her hazy spell broken. “No,” Sharky removes himself from her, head shaking in the negative, “Don’t think I will. Go home, Faith.”

“You can’t just stick your fingers in a woman and then tell her to get out, Sharky!”

“I can and I have and I will, Ma’am.” Taking a breath he releases what he’s debating on, “Not every guy wants it like that, Shorty.” Out of view within the bus behind her he reaches into the darkness, “Sooner you learn that,” He shrugs, looking stern though he is sporting quite the rock-hard erection, “Sooner we can do more than just talk.”

“Sharky-”

The shotgun blast dissipates the vision of her and he looks down at the barrel, nearly disappointed he hadn’t submitted and agreed to be turned into one of her newest pets, “Well. Least I got my twenty bucks worth.”

[heyheydidjaknow]

I do not have a decent title for this. I’m also not even going to bother with an image (even though I know it would generate more traffic) because I’m not going to steal someone’s shit. It’s about 3500 words, so have fun with that.

Chapter 1

Dying is not fun.

I do not know if you knew that until last night. Maybe you figured that since it was romanticized so much that it would not suck as much as it so clearly and obviously did. Maybe you dreamed of dying relatively peacefully, surrounded by your loved ones. Alas, those dreams were dashed last night when you, oh so wise Y/N, decided that you were going to try baking and forgot the most essential step; taking the thing out of the oven. You remember that night so clearly, the screams of your family begging for their lives still bouncing around in your ears like a torturous golf ball that made a habit of forcing itself into your throat, the feeling of your hair catching alight as your skin bubbled and charred, and rational thought became a foreign concept. You do not remember if you had died from a heart attack or hyperthermia or smoke inhalation, but you had a general idea that, yes, that night had been your last on Earth.

So, where the fuck are you?

You pull yourself into a sitting position, your back pressed against something hard as your eyes struggle to adjust to the darkness. The air smells like rotten food and exhaust engines as you pull yourself off the concrete, looking around the alleyway that you had found yourself in. It’s small, narrow, unremarkable in every way, with graffiti covered dumpsters near the entrance. Dazed, confused, generally out of sorts, you make your way to the entrance, patting yourself down for injuries you did not seem to have.

You rub the side of your face with your hand. ‘My head is killing me.’ You slip your hand into your jacket pocket, feeling a key and a piece of paper. ‘God damn it is cold in this alley.’ You zip up your jacket, walking out into the open as you pull the note out, beginning to read.

“Dear Y/N,” you mumble as you read, “we are pleased to inform you of your acceptance into our transference program, yadda yadda yadda, whoopdeedoo…” You skim ahead of some introductory jargon before getting near to the point of the note. “From this point forward, enjoy your permanent residence at ten West.. fifteenth street… apartment number six two two… New York, New York?” You blink. ‘I… that’s not my address.’ You pull out the key. ‘Wait, hold on.’ Your eyebrows furrowed. ‘New York? Wait, I was dead, wasn’t I?’ Your eyes become unfocused. ‘I don’t live anywhere near NYC. Where am I?’ You look around for some sort of landmark, street name, anything to give you some idea of where you are.

You hear a car squeal to a stop on the street corner in front of you, snapping you out of your stupor. As identical men start climbing out of the back of the vehicle, all marching deliberately towards you, a fifteen-year-old girl, your immediate reaction is to run like hell. Unfortunately for you, apparently your speed was not comparable to that of the men who quickly apprehend you, scooping you up and dragging you kicking and screaming into a van. You hear vaguely familiar voices outside, but your focus is less on the mayhem and more on the more pressing matter of getting yourself out of the van. You pound at the door, feel for any sort of locks on the inside, something, anything to get you out of the van, still screaming your head off as you hope whoever was outside had the common sense to call nine one one. You feel your eyelids droop as your breathing slows, your voice dying as your pounding becomes less intense. You slide to you knees, eyes closing even as you mentally scream at yourself to get up, keep at it. You passed out.

--

You wake up laid on the floor this time, the pulsing of electricity above your head almost soothing as you open your eyes. You stagger to your feet, looking around your well-lit enclosure, pink florescent lights lining the ceiling and walls like arteries. After taking note of your new bruises and checking to see if you still have your few personal belongings—you do—you ran over to the door, eyes fixated on the mind boggling, ridiculous scene taking place in front of you.

‘Oh, for fuck’s sake.’ You back away from the slot in the door, trying to process the blatant larping headassery. You had not thought that you would honestly be able to say that, apparently, you were kidnapped by the mother fucking Kraang, yet, in some stroke of tomfuckery on behalf of whatever deity controls your universe, you have, obviously, been kidnapped by some seriously hardcore cosplayers. If nothing else, you must admire the obviously advanced set up.

You run your fingers through your hair, chuckling almost manically. “So,” you say to yourself aloud, “I got kidnapped by TMNT fanboys. Great. Fantastic, even!” You pace around the room, throwing your hands up in exasperation. “I guess this makes me April O'Neil, then? Cool.” Your voice is extremely tight as you shake with intense, mostly negative emotions. “So, I’m somewhere in New York, kidnapped by the Kraang in the worst convention ever. Let me guess,” you laugh, losing your mind a little as you speak to nobody. “I’m gonna have a run in with the Teenage Fucking Ninja Turtles next, right?”

As if on que, you hear laser blasts and shinking metal. The high pitched beeping on an alarm sounded as you heard people—‘Male, teenagers… fuck my life,’— talking about power or something as their footsteps approach your room. You pound on the door. “Hey! Over here!”

You see a brown set of eyes look in through the window. Your suspicions are confirmed; ‘Definitely TMNT larping.’

“We found her,” the owner of said eyes, the one cosplaying as Donatello, calls to the others. Lasers shoot by his head as he turns to stare death in the eyes.

“We’ll hold them off. You pick the lock.” ‘Leonardo.’ You breathe a soft sigh of relief; if nothing else, you are apparently on the side of the people trying to get you out in this game. You hear footsteps going towards the firing.

“Don’t worry,” “Donatello” reassures you, voice tight with apparent anxiety, “I’ll have you out of there in a second!”

“Thanks, Donnie.” You give him a half-hearted thumbs up, trying to see what he was doing through the window. “Take your time.”

His eyebrows furrow. “Wait, how do you know my name?”

You sigh. “Look, man, I don’t know the script for the first episode by heart. You’re gonna have to cut me some slack for not being off-book.”

“Off—what?” He stares at you blankly.

You purse your lips. “I’ll explain if you let me out,” you promise. “Just pick the lock before the blue one gives you shit.”

“Oh, right! The lock!” He nods, grasping onto the logical thing you say and leaning down to start working on the alien technology. He pulls the cover off a control panel by your door, starting to fiddle with the wires.

You lean against the door, watching him work curiously. You hear the battle cries of “Michelangelo” and the toppling of robots as he works, clearly focused on his task. You zone out again. “This is some serious shit,” you mumble.

He mutters in frustration. The one dressed as Raph marches over, more impatient. “Oh for the love of—get out of my way,” he snarls, proceeding to take a very real looking sai out and stabbing the panel with a very in-character ferocity. You almost feel the urge to applaud the acting, and you might if this weren’t such a high stakes situation.

The door in front of you and behind you open at the same time and, deciding against getting captured again—you remember something about hanging from a helicopter in that scenario and you want nothing to do with that—you run alongside the turtles like your life depends on it, stumbling to a halt once you reach outside and slamming the doors closed behind you, blocking it with your back.

Your feet scramble to gain some traction on the cement. “Donnie,” you snap, almost impressed by the force used to pound against the doors, “put your staff in the handles of the door. We gotta go ASAP.”

“Wait, hold up.” The one dressed as Raph jabs his thumb towards you. “How do you know his name?”

You groan. “For fucks- it’s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, not fucking Happy Sugar Life. Get the thing in the thing before the vine thing kills us!”

“The what?” Donnie and Raph seem much more confused than before, staring at you inquisitively and angrily respectively.

“Uh, guys?” Mikey pointed. “I think she means that vine thing.”

From the shadows emerges a towering creature made of plant life, its vinelike limbs draping across the ground like roots as it rears its ugly head. Its exposed, pulsating heart pressed against what remains of the creature’s ribcage. “You did this to me,” It growls. “Now you’re going to pay!”

“It’s-“

You cut Leo off. “Snake guy. Mutated into a weed. If you wanna kill it, go for the heart.”

He looked back at you, joining the other two pairs of piercing stares. “Cut that out.”

“Then don’t monologue and kill it before it has mobility!”

“On it.” Raph charges at its lumbering form, and within moments, it falls to the ground in a heap.

The pounding against the door is getting more intense. “Donnie! Staff!”

“Right!” He runs over, sliding his staff in between the door handles.

You stumble forward, the pounding already starting to crack the wood. “Alright, now we can leave.” Without waiting for the others, you sprint away from the building like your life depends on it. The others, clearly confused, follow.

You got a fair few city blocks away before you slow down, breathing heavy and palms stamped with the outline of the key you were holding desperately onto. “You run really fast for cosplayers,” you pant, “with all the- the paint and all.”

“Yeah, about that.” Donatello stops next to you, a thousand questions apparently swimming around in his head. “How do you know our names?” His mouth moves a mile a minute. “How did you know the weakness of that vine creature? What do you mean, cosplay? Who are you? Who were they?”

You cut him off. “One question at a time, hot stuff. Deep breathes.”

His pupils dilate. “H-hot stuff?”

Leo cuts in. “How did you know what we were—uh—cosplaying?” he asks tentatively.

“Odd time to cut the act, but alright.” Your heart rate lowers to a decent pace as your mind still struggles to comprehend what had just happened. You slow your breathing. “I mean,” you explain, gesturing with your hands, “it’s TMNT. It’s iconic.”

“Iconic?” He nods. “Well, since you know so much about it, then why don’t we test your knowledge? To see if you’re a real fan..”

“Y-you think I’m hot?”

“I don’t see the point, but I’m down.” You shrug, deciding to ignore the melting turtle for a second. “Shoot.”

He thinks for a moment. “Who’s the main character?”

You shrug. “You four, I guess.”

Mikey jumped in. “What’s the theme song?”

“Gonna have to be more specific there, buddy.”

“Is it really a great idea to just talk out here in the open?” Raph crossed his arms across his front.

“Probably not.” You look around. “Unless you have a map on you, I’d suggest we go back to your lair.”

“Our—what kind of stalker—”

“Look, honey,” you sigh, “if we’re going to go over every aspect of their lives that I know about we’re going to be here for a long time. For our purposes, just assume I know everything I need to know, and if you’re curious about specifics, we’ll go on a case-by-case basis.” You start walking down the sidewalk. “I’m guessing you guys hang out in the sewer, right?” You feel almost tempted to say that they’re just flat out psychotic, their blatant conviction in their own characters almost frightening. ‘I’ve heard of kinning,’ you think, pulling up a manhole cover you see at the end of an alley and wincing at the smell, ‘but this is ridiculous.’ You blink at the surprising lack of weight.

“Yeah.” Mikey—no, the Michelangelo cosplayer—walked over, already hopping in. “Our show must be super popular, right? Who’s the favorite character? How long have we been running?”

“Oh, you guys are—” You stop talking. “Wait, what year is it?” You start climbing down.

“Two thousand and twelve. Why?”

You step off the ladder, starting to walk behind him as he lead the way. “Well, it’s not tweny twelve where I’m from. It’s twenty twenty.”

“Wait, hold up.” He turns around to face you as he walks. “You’re from the future? That is so freakin awesome!”

You rub the back of your neck, trying to ignore the smell. “I mean,” you confess, “being from the future would be cooler if I was from a better time, I think.” ‘I wonder where they—’ You shake your head. “But, If we were running on the same time, I’d only be seven, I think, so it’s pretty cool I get to be here, I guess.”

“Dude, totally!” He turns a corner. “Our first day up top and we meet a time traveler?”

“Technically,” a voice from behind you makes you jump, “if what she’s saying is true, she somehow also knows interdimensional travel as well.”

‘Mother fucking ninj—cosplayers, focus. Don’t let them pull you in too.’ “Well, I really wouldn’t say—”

“Guys, is there not a clearly bigger concern on our hands?” You were already getting sick of not hearing footsteps. “Like, say, I don’t know, the fact she’s claiming we’re fictional characters?”

“Look, man,” you roll your eyes, “I already said I’m more than happy to answer any questions I can. In fact,” you continued, stopping in your tracks as you stared the red—clad turtle in the eye, “I’ll even stay put until we sort this whole situation out.”

“Fine by me.” Leo and Raph both face you, eyes boring into your soul as you stand there awkwardly.

“Let’s start off with the basics.” Leo’s tone is awfully light compared to his blatant skepticism. “What is everyone’s name?”

You force yourself not to roll your eyes again. “You’re all Hamatos.” You point at the tall one with the gap in his teeth. “That one’s Donatello, the yellow one next to him is Michelangelo, you,” you point at the red one with the broader shoulders, “are Raphael, and the sensei appointed leader is Leonardo. Easy.”

Leonardo nods. “Okay, you got the easy one.” It is at times like these when you wish you could read people. “What are we?”

“Teenage mutant ninja turtles.” You don’t have to hesitate.

“How did we become the way we are?”

“Splinter had a Kraang run in and you got ooze on you. Last thing you touched before you transformed was a person, so you became turtle/human hybrids.” You rest a hand on your hip. “Oh, happy birthday, by the way.”

A sea of blank faces face you. “Wait, you know who those things are?” Donatello is the first to speak after a pregnant pause.

“Well, yeah.” You shrug, the reality of the situation not yet dawning on you. “They almost take over the world in at least two season finales.

“They what?”

“Yeah.” You stick your hands in your pockets, fingering the key and note, confused by their apparent horror. “I mean, I’m still on the season three finale, but alien invasion is this show’s bread and butter for the most part.”

“I- what?” Raphael appears to be having a stroke. “What- bre- I- huh? What the-“

“Is he okay?” You look, completely unconcerned, at Donatello, who is swaying on his feet.

“Alien.. invasion…”

You blink, walking over to him and placing your hand on his cheek. You were surprised at the feeling of skin under your palm. ‘Not face paint..’ You look his incredibly pale face over curiously. ‘Not a mask…’ “Oh.” Your fingers slide down and off his jaw, falling slackly. “You weren’t joking, were you?”

If nothing else, he seems less concerned than he did a second ago.

Leonardo—‘The actual—hold on a minute.’—grabs your shoulder. “This isn’t a joke.” His face is stone. “You’re being serious, right?”

You felt blood drain out of your face. “Sadly? Yes.” You force yourself to take deep breaths so as to not pass out. “But, on the bright side,” you smiled weakly, “I can guarantee your survival for at least a few months.”

“What do you mean a few months?” Raphael is shaking as he yells, his voice roar echoing in the enclosed space. “How is it only—what the hell?”

“The show only ran over the course of an in-universe year.” You fight to keep your voice steady as dread seizes your throat. “I don’t know what happens after the year is up, or if it even lasts the whole year.”

“So we have less than twelve months to live?”

“This is so not cool.” Michelangelo is having a bit of a mental breakdown. “So, so not cool.”

“Hey, it’s not a guarantee!” You put your hands up reassuringly. “That’s just how long the show runs. Besides, it’s a kid’s show. There’s no way they’d kill off the main characters.”

“The hell they—who the hell is they?”

“Nickelodeon.”

“What the fuck is Nickelodeon?”

You groan. “Look, I’m just saying that you four are definitely going to survive the next few months!” Your voice rises easily to his volume. “I don’t know what happens after those months are up! I haven’t gotten to that point!”

“Why the hell not?”

You ran your fingers through your hair, laughing incredulously. “What, do you think I knew I was going to meet the IRL Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and had a chance to plan accordingly? No!” You throw your hands up in the air. “I died last night and now I’m here! Hell, I don’t even know where the fuck I’m going to go, fuck knowing who’s going to get the fucking axe between now and the series finale!”

“Will you two both cut it out?” Leo snapped, shutting you two up.

You put your hands up, still fuming and glaring at Raphael. He responds in kind.

“What’s your name?” He looked at you.

“Y/N. Y/N L/N.” Your breathing slows slightly.

“Alright. Y/N, you said you’ve seen up to season three, right?”

“Yeah.” You nod.

“Meaning you know what’s going to happen in the next few months, right?”

You nod at the leader.

He thinks for a moment. “Then we need to stay in contact. If what you’re saying is true, your knowledge of our show could be extremely valuable to us.”

You rub your eyes with your hands, sighing, trying to cool down. “I can do that.” You put your hands down. “If nothing else, I’m more than happy to offer up emotional support. The next few months are going to be extremely physically and emotionally difficult for you guys.”

Donnie pipes up. “Do you have a place to stay?”

You pull out the piece of paper. “I have an address and key, but I don’t know my way around NYC.” You smile slightly at the unintentional rhyme. “Do you guys know where ten west fifteenth street—wait, it’s your guys’ first day.” You nod. “I forgot.”

“It’s alright.” Donatello is oddly quick saying that. “I-if you want, I—we can help you find it.”

You rub your arm, your previous indignance replaced with extreme embarrassment at your previous actions. “Nah, it’s alright,” you reassure him. “I’m sure I can find a map or something.”

“It’s really not safe to just wander around New York so late.”

You pause at that. “That is an extremely good point.” You nod. “Alright. But I owe you guys dinner or something for trusting me this far. Also,” you smile teasingly, “what you’re currently eating is legitimately revolting.”

“Amen to that.” Raphael, if nothing else, seems to have calmed down.

Mikey hopped in. “Oh, we just found this crazy awesome food—”

“I can order pizza,” you reassure him.

He punches the air excitedly. “Let’s go!”

“If you want, you can sleep on the couch for tonight,” Leonardo offers. “It’s going to get light pretty soon, and we really shouldn’t be seen.”

You shrug. “Works for me.

As you follow the teenagers down the sewer, conversating as you walk, you take a moment to reflect on all that has happened so far. A part of you, oddly enough, is almost excited by the prospect of spending time with these guys. But a stronger, darker part reminds you sweetly of the dangers you knew lay ahead.

You close your eyes. ‘I’m never going to see my family again, am I?’

How that is the least of your worries, you don’t know.

Table Of Contents

Chapter 2