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mari-beau · 4 years ago

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GIVE ME A REASON: PART FIVE -A Rogue One fanfic

I honestly don’t know this was going to take the detour it did, but hey, that’s fine. Anyway, Jyn is very confused about her attachment to Cassian, and his own messy feelings.

Also on AO3

Part One

Part Two

Part Three

Part Four

Title: Give Me A Reason: Part Five

Genre: Hurt/Comfort

Characters: Jyn Erso POV, Cassian Andor

Pairing: Cassian/Jyn (mostly pre-ship?)

Spoilers: Rogue One; Episode IV A New Hope

Setting: Post-Rogue One AU (Cassian & Jyn live); Also during/post A New Hope

Warnings: Implied Bi!Cassian; References to Naked Times in the Shower; Characters being hot messes and confused about Feelings

Words: 3,226

Story Summary: Jyn’s entire universe has been turned on its head, so maybe she’s clinging a little too hard to the one thing she feels certain of (strangely enough) as she tries to figure out her place in the galaxy. And maybe she’s being a little overprotective of a wounded captain.

Also can be found on AO3.

The energy level in the large mess hall was an incongruous mix of highs and lows. Quite a number of people were congregated at various tables, but it wasn’t at capacity. Some groups were chattering away, with a happiness and lightness Jyn honestly couldn’t recall witnessing in anyone in a long, long time, on any planet or moon. But there were other groups, and individuals, that were quiet, lethargic, mostly just nursing cups of restorative drinks and pushing bland food around their plates. Hungover.

Jyn supposed that made sense. Either way, no one was really in a down mood. They were either still excited about the Great Victory, or suffering the consequences from being too excited about it the previous night.

Why did she feel like Cassian and herself were the mopiest pair in the entire mess hall? Yes, it was really gratifying to know that their suicide mission hadn’t been entirely in vain. They had more than succeeded, the plans had been transmitted to the rebels, and the rebels had used them to destroy the Death Star. But still… The feeling of loss weighed heavily on Jyn. And she sensed it was yet another burden laid on Cassian’s shoulders. In a vulnerable, pained moment, he’d told her that maybe it would’ve been better if she’d left him on Scarif when they’d miraculously been spared from the blastwave. And perhaps near the end there (what should’ve been the end), he’d embraced the release from his conscience as hard as he’d embraced her.

She understood. She’d felt the peace there on that beach, as well.

The thing was, she still felt it, with him. Even when filled with other confusing emotions, some of which he was the cause of, she still felt… content… even happy? Was this what happy felt like?

Well, no, maybe not this, not still half-mourning a father she’d lost decades ago but then lost again, mourning the loss of the friends she’d made in just a matter of a day but who had been truer than any others in her life, coming to terms with the guilt of leading so many on a suicide mission, which she then survived.

And Cassian had survived.

“I’ll get the food,” Jyn said after they’d found a table tucked in a corner and Cassian claimed the seat that allowed him to put his back to the wall. (Of course). Jyn would’ve chosen it herself, but she didn’t protest that she would be forced to sit with her back to the entire mess hall. He was rubbing at his leg. The memory of the surgical scars running down his hip and thigh, barely a week old, a fresh pink against olive skin, popped abruptly into her mind. She shoved them aside. “Is there anything specific you want?”

“No.” He was smiling even as he shook his head. “Beggars can’t be choosers. I’m not picky.”

“Me, neither.” Force, sometimes they were so much the same, their lives filled with the same sort of deprivation, that it hurt. It hurt to think of the little boy Cassian had been, not having a favorite food, because having food at all was something to be grateful for. Something Jyn had known herself, still knew, and would never unlearn her associated habits of eating too much (if given the opportunity) and too fast.

“I’ll be right back,” she said and headed towards the serving line.

A couple people stared as she added more than two helpings of everything to her tray, but she thought it was more out of shock over the disproportionate amount of food to her size than anger that she was maybe taking more than her share. By the time she’d collected enough to feed an entire unit of Wookies and headed back to Cassian, two humans in non-uniforms (which wasn’t uncommon for the rebels) had sat down at the table.

They were the type of people who took up more space than they needed. An amateurish attempt at intimidating others through establishing dominance. Jyn had learned to be more wary of those who drew no attention, who lurked in the shadows, who had unassuming appearances disguising a lethality the brazen could never hope to possess.

So it was really just instinct that had her assessing gaze passing over the two trying-too-hard-to-have-swagger rebels to the slight man sitting quietly in the corner. He was a killer, undeniably. But not by choice. And Jyn knew something she thought most didn’t remotely suspect; Cassian Andor was soft deep down inside. And every terrible thing he’d done tortured him. Which made him even more dangerous, especially to Jyn, who she feared may be the only one to have ever seen his vulnerability, his humanity. To everyone else, he was just some Rebel super-spy-assassin, a good little soldier.

He’d locked eyes with her, but neither of his companions had seemed to notice, instead going on about some miraculous feats of badassery during some mission or other.

“You’re in my seat,” Jyn said, interrupting the bigger of the pair mid-sentence.

The man who was easily twice her size froze, puffing himself up when he looked at her, not that he needed to with that bulk of muscle, but his first instinct was obviously to meet her firm tone with aggression. She knew the response of those who’d survived on the streets well. And even if this was no seedy back alley or dive, this was her territory. And she wasn’t going to be the one to back down.

“Am I?” Big man said.

Before Jyn could respond, Cassian’s quiet voice cut in.

“You are.”

The big man looked at the wounded captain and his entire demeanor changed. Apparently, the soldier knew Cassian for the dangerous creature he was.

After a brief moment in which the expression on Cassian’s face gave nothing away, Big Man’s attention returned to Jyn.

“Uh, sorry,” he said, vacating the chair. Setting the heavily-laden tray down, Jyn plopped into the spot opposite Casian as the big guy lumbered off to find another chair, seemingly to rejoin them. Ugh.

Jyn slid the tray across the table in front of Cassian, then dragged her chair to sit directly beside him. There was no way to lift any of the dishes off the tray without losing some of the impressive pile of food. They could share.

She reached across Cassian and grabbed some sort of bread roll and- oh, force, he smelled good, like the cleanser from the shower and freshly washed skin that was silky smooth except for the scars and- she shoved the roll in her mouth before she did something embarrassing like hop onto his lap and bury her face in his neck.

The very large rebel’s companion had remained at the table, and was staring. Yes, at Jyn, but also at Cassian, at the pair of them, at the pile of food she’d torn into but Casian was contemplating eating with an actual utensil like some sort of civilized person. And the man’s gaze dropped, but Jyn knew it wasn’t to assess her attributes, none were visible beneath the loose-fitting clothes she was wearing, Cassian’s clothes. Oh. Right.

“You must be Jyn Erso,” he said and held out a hand, which was surprisingly clean, so Jyn shoved the last bite of roll into her mouth and shook it. Firm but not too firm, and his dark brown eyes were surprisingly soft as they met her gaze, a little guarded and very curious. This one was obviously the more intelligent of the pair.

“That I am,” she said after swallowing the large piece of bread that threatened to lodge in her throat. “And you are…?”

“Oh,” he laughed self-consciously. He had a nice, easy going smile. “Sorry. Yeah. I’m Tarrek Zin.” His large friend returned with a chair. “And this is Utto.”

The giant known as Utto nodded, grunted in response, before sitting down in the chair that was obviously ill-equipped to handle his bulk. A man of even less words than the spy.

“And you’re… friends of Cassian?” she asked, trying not to appear too interested. Who were these people? Cassian didn’t have friends. Not that she’d known him all that long, but she was pretty certain the man was a resolute loner. Aside from K-2SO, who was lost to him now.

“Yes,” Tarrek said at the same time Cassian said, “No.”

She withheld her laughter because Tarrek Zin seemed genuinely a little hurt by the terse captain’s response.

“We’ve worked together before,” Cassian gave as further explanation. “They’re…”

“Freelance,” Tarrek said.

Cassian gave a little snort of laughter. “That’s one way to put it.” He took a larger bite of the mystery protein.

“Oh, what does that mean?” Now, Jyn was intrigued. They were an odd sort to find on a military base, even amongst the ragtag collection of rebels that formed the Alliance. They were both human, Jyn thought, although there could be a bit of something else in the big man, who was surprisingly not unattractive for a bruiser type, with thick brown hair and a symmetrical face with a square jaw and only a small crescent scar on one cheek. The smaller man was by no means small, taller than Cassian, well built with flawless brown skin and a friendly, appealing face with just a hint of scruff neatly trimmed into a goatee. And a charmer’s grin, which he turned on Jyn.

“We find things.”

Again, that ironic little half-laugh from Cassian, who finally looked up from the pile of food.

“They steal things,” he said, pointing his fork at them. “Don’t let Tarrek try to pretty it up. They’re nothing more than thieves.”

“So’s your girl, from what I hear,” Tarrek said. “Didn’t you all find her in Wobani, serving time for forgery and assault amongst many other crimes?”

“She’s not my girl,” Cassian said, not denying her criminal record. And Jyn would be lying if she claimed the denial that she was his girl didn’t hurt a little. Even though it shouldn’t. She wasn’t a possession. And neither was Cassian, so she could stop feeling possessive of him, as well, really-

“Then you’re a free agent?” Tarrek flashed that charming grin of his again, with an edge of mischievousness. And a bit of something else in his eyes as he lookd at Cassian. “Because with the Empire scrambling after the destruction of their favorite new toy, no one’s going to notice if some stray things get found. We could use your skills on at least a dozen different jobs I can think of…” Tarrek shot a brief glance to Jyn before returning his attention to Cassian. “And Not Your Girl for that matter.”

“I think I’ve made it very clear I will not be going on any jobs with you,” Cassian said. “Even if the Alliance thought we’d need someone with your skillset again for some reason, I’d find someone else.”

Oh, wow. That seemed a little harsh, even from the jaded captain. The hurt on Tarrek’s face was blatant, and he looked away. Jyn couldn’t help but think there was some sort of complicated history at play.

“May I…?” Utto asked, indicating the crispy poultry leg sitting near the edge of the tray, the big man oblivious to the undercurrents of the conversation.

“Uh… be my guest,” Jyn said and large, burly fingers snatched it right up. Unsurprisingly, the whole drumstick fit in the man’s mouth. He ate even faster than Jyn, chewing a bit then pulling the bare bone out, picked absolutely clean in less time than it took Cassian to cut another bite off the brick of vegetable-thing or whatever it was. Food. That’s all Jyn needed to know.

“Well, we better get going if we want to get a good seat at the ceremony, seeing as we’re not guests of honor,” Tarrek said, seeming to have recovered from the hurt feelings enough to tease. Cassian made a displeased noise but said nothing as Tarrek got to his feet and locked eyes with the rebel captain. Some sort of weird exchange passed between them, that seemed almost- “The offer always stands if you change your mind.”

“I won’t,” Cassian said, then went back to studiously eating.

Tarrek rolled his eyes but then gave Jyn a broad grin, leaning over to whisper loudly, “You think about it, too, Jyn Erso. Maybe you can convince the captain here not to throw his life away for the rebellion.”

Jyn just gave him a nod, disconcerted about the man’s extremely accurate knowledge of Cassian. Or maybe his unwavering loyalty was just that obvious.

“Let’s get out of here,” Tarrek said to his large companion, who appeared about Wookie-size when he stood up, only beefier.

Utto lingered a moment as his friend walked away, and Cassian frowned at him, that furrow forming between his brows. Jyn’s curiosity was also piqued as the moment stretched out awkwardly long, Utto’s fierce blue-grey gaze scouring Cassian’s face.

Cassian broke first, dropping his fork onto the tray with a clatter and sighing loudly.

“You have something you want to say, Utto?” he asked.

“You hurt Tarrek,” he said. “Don’t change your mind about joining us. Unless you mean it.”

“Understood,” Cassian said. “Is that all?”

“Yeah. That’s it.”

Utto glanced at Jyn, then gave Cassian another assessing look before grunting and shaking his head, then stalked off after his partner.

Cassian returned his attention to the food in front of him, like nothing had happened at all.

“What was that?” Jyn asked, her mind racing, trying to put everything she’d just witnessed into some sort of context.

“Nothing,” Cassian said. “Just two of many I’ve pissed off.”

“But they’re angry because they want you.” Jyn was pretty sure about what she’d just witnessed, albeit confusing.

“The Alliance used them to break into an Imperial facility. We were after intelligence stored there. Tarrek and Utto made out like the bandits they are by stealing the tech stored there and selling it on the black market. It was their most lucrative job ever. They still pick up odd smuggling tasks for the rebellion, but they want me to help them with more heist like that again.”

His face was closed off, but Jyn needed to know if she was right, needed for Cassian to continue to let her in, needed his trust and confidence.

“I get that,” she said, “but they want you… like physically. At least, Tarrek does.”

Cassian met her gaze, slowly closed his eyes, sighed and shook his head.

“I never should’ve kissed him.”

“Oh.” Well, that explained both the heat and the chill in Tarrek’s gaze when he looked at Cassian. Apparently, it hadn’t been just one-sided. And maybe she’d been reading Cassian’s looks, the way he touched her, all wrong. Maybe the intimacy they’d shared in the shower, naked but not uncomfortable, washing one another with tender caresses, had only held sexual undertones on her side. Maybe he wasn’t attracted to her in the same way she was to him. Maybe he- “You er… kiss males?”

“Sometimes,” he shrugged. “When it’s necessary to complete a mission.” He licked his lips. “Sometimes just because I want to.”

Jyn stared at the pile of green puree of what she hoped was a vegetable of some sort, trying to swallow down the stupid feelings clashing inside of her; jealousy and possessiveness, hurt, and even a little bit of titillation contemplating Cassian’s sexual history.

Long fingers skimmed the back of her hand and curled around hers, squeezing gently until she met those rich, dark eyes of his.

“Sometimes I kiss females, too.” He held her gaze so she resisted the urge to stare at his mouth.

“When it’s necessary to complete a mission?”

“And just because I want to.”

Did he want to? Jyn felt like he did, thought everything in the way he looked at her indicated a deep affection and need for her. But at the same time, she knew he wouldn’t, not here in a public place, not when he hadn’t even kissed her when they were alone. Not even when they were naked, standing under the spray of water, his hands buried in her hair, rinsing out the cleanser, her hands wrapped around his waist, helping to support his weight, her skin prickling with the closeness of his body, the caress of his fingers on her scalp, the feeling of his-

“We should get moving,” he said, releasing her hand to push his chair back and stand, looking only a little unsteady on his feet. “We need to find you some clothes that fit.”

“Why?” Jyn said, standing as well and brushing her hand over the front of the loose shirt. At least Cassian wasn’t an extremely large man, or else his clothes would fall right off her. As it was, she’d had to roll up the sleeves of his shirt and tuck as much as possible into the fatigues that she’d belted to cinch in at the waist, which would’ve been entirely hopeless if he wasn’t a lean man. She’d also had to roll up the hems to her ankles. She had no other option than the infirmary shoes. Okay, she looked ridiculous. But she didn’t care. The clothes smelled like Cassian and made her feel perpetually wrapped up in him.

“It’s not exactly fit for being presented to a princess.”

Cassian reached to pick up the tray, which Jyn felt a little bit of guilt for not having completely cleaned of its contents and wasting food, but there had been unforeseen interruptions. She grabbed it before he could, doubting his ability to walk and carry a laden tray a few days after major surgeries and with bones still healing. But had he said,

“Princess?! What princess?”

“Princess Leia will be hosting the ceremony.”

“Oh.” Jyn headed across the mess hall to bus the remains of their meal, perhaps moving a little too quickly for her wounded companion, a sort of panicky nervousness fluttering in her stomach as their potentially being the center of attention approached. It would be brief if they were, she tried to tell herself. The last time she’d been the center of the Alliance’s attention hadn’t gone well. Had, in point of fact, ended in a rogue suicide mission.

“You’ll be fine. She’s Bail Organa’s daughter. Sensible woman. Fierce.”

Jyn shoved the tray into the reclamation unit a little harder than necessary. “And how do you know her?”

Cassian laughed, light and genuine.

“I don’t know her, not personally.” His hand went to her shoulder, seemingly to guide her but she knew the request inherent in it and snaked her arm around his waist to let him lean a little of his weight on her. “Let’s see if we can track down your missing clothes.”

Jyn didn’t care if they couldn’t. Let the princess see her in Cassian’s clothes, let everyone think they were together. Because whether or not he kissed her, whether or not it was romantic, Cassian Andor was hers. Even if he sent her away and she never saw him again while she lived, he would always be hers.

Force, she needed to get a handle on this possessiveness. Because it owned her. He owned her.

His palm came to rest on the back of her neck as they left the mess and headed towards the storage and supply wing of the base. His thumb stroked along her nape and she leaned into him, relaxed as a Savarian cat being petted.

Dank farrik, did she ever belong to him.

#fic: give me a reason #Rogue One #fanfiction #rebelcaptain #Cassian x Jyn #Cassian Andor #Jyn Erso #my fic

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the19thduckpotato · 6 years ago

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The Ties That Bind Part 2 (MHA Fanfic)

Part 1

In which things begin to get a little better

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

No! No!! Izuku's pinkie twitched again as the tear soaked into the folds of his hand. I'm here, I'm he-- no, that's not what he wants, don't be ridiculous. He's the one protecting here. Does... does he think he failed? But I'm right here, alive n stable... that can't be-- ...Does he regret it? A cold wave washed over Izuku, and his heart dropped. Of course someone as good as All Might would regret causing destruction like that. His mind started to reorient itself from uncertainty to sympathy. But then why would he do it in the first place.... Ice clenched around his heart. Because of me.

The monitoring device merely continued to beep its soft diction to the quiet room and to the figure beside the bed. * stable * stable * stable * Toshi remained crouched, his blond burst of hair trembling with the force of his despair. * stable * stable * stable *

He loved me too much... it pushed him too far. Izuku's heart sank even further. He... he put my life before others. Everything was still except for that... ugh. Beeping. My life... but... maybe not.... Did they live? Izuku's swallow reflex kicked in. He winced. Ow... was Not ready to do that.... "Nnnh--"

Alone in the room with his thoughts, the memories of a few hours ago surged back. How his muscle form had exploded forth The whites of their eyes as they fled in fear The empathy he usually held for his fellow man withering before the searing flare of fury The heavy thud of his running steps, far louder than the panicked scrambling of the two villains One had flung his hands up to protect his face before All Might had-- "Nnnh--" The memories were forced away as Toshi's head snapped up. "Izuku?"

“Mmhh—“ Izuku’s throat was sticking together. He scrunched his eyes uncomfortably. “Nnnn....” He tried opening his mouth, but that seemed to be stuck together too, whether by dryness or the same force that seemed to have held his limbs down he wasn’t sure.

Toshinori looked about and spotted a cup behind the card, water dotting the outside of the cup. Inside sat a healthy portion of ice chips, some melted. He dipped the provided spoon into the cup then held it out to Izuku. "Here, this might help." He gently touched the spoon to the boy's lips I am still capable of good things making sure the spoon wasn't too full my boy is evidence of that so the chips wouldn't melt and run down his chin.

cOLD Izuku’s heavy eyes flashed open at the sudden temperature change. He blinked blearily, opening his mouth and letting in some Very cold ice chips. VERY cold. I hope I don’t get brain freeze.

His eyes are open--! He's responding--!! Toshi whispered quiet thanks then smiled encouragingly, blinking back relieved tears. "More? Or do you want a moment?" Spoken casually. Trying not to show all the emotions storming within. It would only frighten the kid. and make him remember He didn't need that, not while he was recovering.

Izuku somehow worked a yawn around the ice chips, and finally started to shift his limbs. He moved the ice around his mouth, mumbling ‘Hang on’... though it really came out more like “Nrrgnnn.” Toshi held his breath and pulled the spoon away, waiting. Eyes wide, body tensed. Nothing else in that moment mattered. Only what Izuku asked of him.

Izuku finally blinked his eyes open for good, taking his first look at the hospital room through the dim light of the partly-open door. It looked... oddly cozy. He liked the soft burgundy of the square armchair across the room. He finally turned his head to the side and looked at Toshinori for the first time.

He's ok. Toshi stared back, the dark circles under his eyes stark against a pale complexion. His hair was wilder than usual, one long bang almost twisted into a knot. HE'S OK. He shifted, the hospital scrub he'd been made to wear straining against his long form. (The nurse almost sent Toshinori home after seeing the state of his torn clothing then finally had settled for a scrub to cover most of his dress shirt (or what remained of it).) Everything is going to be fine now because he is awake and he is ok He tried another smile and set the cup and spoon down. "Hey, welcome back."

Oh heck, he looks terrible. Izuku blinked at Toshinori, then at the scrub he was wearing over his ripped dress shirt (?), then back up at his face in time to see his attempt at a smile. Izuku’s heart squeezed painfully. No.... He looks so sad.... “...Hey.” His voice was croaky, but there. He twitched the corners of his mouth up slightly.

He's smiling. Sort of. I'll take it. Maybe Maybe he doesn't remember what happened He hated himself for this sudden thought. He hated that instead of shoving it away, he tried the thought again. He hated that he let the thought take root. Let him have forgotten. Please let it be forgotten and I swear, I swear, I'll never let it happen again. He watched Izuku for a sign, any sign. Casually, cheerfully: "Is there anything I can do for you, young Midoriya?"

“Nyeh?” Izuku’s face scrunched up on one side in confusion as the sudden change of tone threw him for a loop.

"Hungry? Thirsty? Whatever you want, kid, just name it."

“I... wh-aaaa.” Izuku trailed off into a low groan, blinking. “Uh.” He scrunched his nose. Wait, why is he being so weird? He’s usually quieter than this. Well, I guess he might not be disappointed in me this time, I did do my best. But I always do my best? Well, there were two guys, that’s... something I guess. His face lit up with a sudden thought. “Chicken nuggets?” he asked hopefully.

Toshi was startled into a genuine chuckle and stood up. "I'll see what I can do."

Izuku’s face fell into disappointment with comedic speed. “Oh. Wait. No. That means you’re leaving.” But I’m huuuuungryyyyyy, he whined at himself. “I wish I could go with you. You think they’ll let me?” He looked down at himself with his ankles wrapped in bandages and IV in his hand. “...Ah. Not likely.”

He fought to keep the light warm grin on his face. "Hey, it's ok, I'll be right back. ...let me--" let me do this for you "--uh, check to make sure it's ok, first."

Izuku tilted his head, pinching his eyebrows slightly. Okay, weird pause.... And WHY is he still going around all banged up?? Aren’t they supposed to be taking care of him? They’ve clearly had contact with him. He eyed the scrubs, refusing to think to hard about the reason why he was wearing it. Don’t think about it don’t think about it don’t think about it— what were you thinking about before, think about that “Uh. Are you sure you want to? I mean I don’t think they’ll let me.” But I don’t want to let you out of my sight, ANYTHING could happen, that’s always what happens in movies, and also ARE YOU OKAY, and can I ask that without killing this nice, not-terribly-awkward moment, and— Aw, heck. It’s weird enough already, if you think about it. This is Not a situation normal people find themselves in. He lost some tension, giving in to the inevitability of awkwardness. Might as well be practical about it. “But, like, are you okay? Orrrrrr....” He shrugged. Ow! Well okay, so my arm is hurt too....

Toshi sat back down again, face wrinkling in concern. "Hey, take it easy, son. If anyone should be worried about anyone, it's me for you. You--" He froze, realizing the problem almost too late. of course he's going to remember what happened! And if not, he'll remember after asking why he's in the hospital. The blond felt himself backed into a corner mentally and cursed silently. He gestured with one hand, indicating Izuku shouldn't worry about him. He glanced at his own bandages, the fabric over the knuckles starting to stain red. Toshi settled for a big grin that crinkled his eyes shut. "I'm fine, honest!" he chuckled.

Izuku gave him the Flattest Look Possible. “Uh-huh.”

Toshi's chin jutted out ever so slightly.

Izuku sighed inwardly. Okay, so, resistant. Can’t really blame him when I get like that. Be cool, then, Izuku.... He sighed outwardly this time with a slight soft smile and leaned back against the pillows. He stared at the ceiling, wondering what to say next. The room was so quiet. Except for the beeping. Izuku wrinkled his nose in something between annoyance and disgust and stared at the machine like it was a pile of homework.

His teacher followed Izuku's gaze and chuckled. "I know, I know, but it brings the rest of us a good measure of relief." He squinted at it, wondering if it had been the same machine. Surely not. His eyes flicked to one of the lower corners, wondering if he was imagining the chip missing from there. Toshi turned back to Izuku. "Right now, I just want you to focus on you. Let One for All do its work. Heal quick. OK?" He reached out a bandaged hand and clumsily tousled his protege's hair.

Izuku bent his head under Toshinori’s hand, smiling just a little. “But I don’t... want... to focus on me.” He stared at the blanket, a soft, sad look in his eyes. “That’s no fun.” He half-unconsciously pulled his knees up to his chest, belatedly thankful that his ankles hurt less than he thought they should have.

"Well, as long as you're in this hospital bed, that's just how it's going to be!" Toshi chuckled heartily.

Izuku stared at the floor behind Toshinori, a bit too fuzzy and tired to look at his face right then. He half-smiled humorlessly. “What, no fun?” He wrapped his arms around his knees and rested his head on them. Heh. I know.

Toshi's brow furrowed and he half smiled. "Hey, c'mon...that's not..." He tried to meet the kid's gaze. "Izuku, hey, what's going on, kid?"

Izuku furrowed one eyebrow and lifted his head a bit to look at Toshinori. He made a soft “?” noise.

Don't pull at that string, don't don't don't you're asking for a world of trouble but my kid isn't happy well he's going to be even MORE unhappy with you if you keep picking at this so what, I'm just supposed to leave him like this? Toshi felt torn, unable to agree to one side or the other fully. He rubbed a hand over his face and cleared his throat. "Ah nothing, nothing. Let me go see about those chicken nuggets, hmm?" He gently squeezed Izuku's shoulder and walked to the door.

Izuku lifted his head up suddenly, a tiny sad noise almost escaping from his throat as he watched Toshinori leaving. “Oh... o-okay then.” A thought occurred. “Do get something for you, too, though.” I know you forget. I mean I’d forget too, but. I hope it’s okay for me to remind you. ... Ohcrap ohcrap was I supposed to say that?? Was that rude?? Was that bad??

He paused at the door and turned back to Izuku, looking as if he wanted to say something else. Behind Izuku, the window was open and the sun was rising. It bathed his head in a golden halo. Even battered and bruise, the kid looked perfect, wonderful-- you've done enough to him --and Toshi nodded in quick agreement, pushing the door open and escaping before he lost his composure.

What... is up with him?? Izuku stared after Toshinori uneasily. You mean you don’t know? Duh. Well— besides the obvious! I mean... well, yeah, that’s probably what’s wrong. And why are you suddenly so cool about this?? Don’t you know what happened?? He almost killed for you. He might actually have!! The minute a hero prioritizes one life above the greater good, they’ve gone too far. That— NO, that’s ridiculous!! All Might wouldn’t do that, he’d never do that!! Not even for.... ”Not even?” ... Are you kidding me. That has got to be the most prideful thing you’ve ever thought. Why would you just assume you’re the most important person in his life?? It was a mistake, it was an accident, alright? I didn’t mean it— well I know that doesn’t change the fact that I thought it, but— What the— sjdhfgddfs— that’s AWFUL! Look at Tsukauchi, that’s his best friend! Look at his Master! Don’t you dare place yourself above her. How could you?? Okay, okay, I get it!! But that just reinforces my point, that All Might wouldn’t do that! He didn’t even do that at the USJ, I mean then he was scary, but... ... ...Yeah. That was different. Izuku drew into himself further, taking up only a fraction of the bed. He shuddered. Please... let it not have been real.... But he knew in his sinking heart it was.

#mha #bnha #mha fanfic #bnha fanfic #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #toshinori #yagi #sunflower dad #all might #dadmight #izuku #midoriya #deku #angst #fanfic #the ties that bind #tttb part 2

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losingmymindtonight · 6 years ago

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Trope: Losing Powers

Peter had been gone for 28 days, 17 hours, 43 minutes, and 27 seconds when F.R.I.D.A.Y. finally got a hit on his location.

Tony knew that because he’d had the counter running across every free screen for weeks.

There was no time wasted when the notification came in, not a second for gathering or regrouping or slowing to breathe. Just Tony, pushing the team forward with one-minded desperation. Steve scrambled to keep up, shouting terse orders and jogging just behind Tony as he stalked towards the Quinjet.

It took 3 hours and 16 minutes to get to the kid’s location. 4 minutes for everyone to organize. 7 minutes to advance on the heavily guarded research facility. 19 minutes to take out the guards, break into the winding hallways illuminated by fluorescent lights. 2 minutes for Tony to smell the blood.

It was all over the kid’s cell. The walls, the floor, the exposed pipe in the corner. Fresh and old, small smears and massive puddles. It was everywhere he looked. Blood, blood, blood.

Peter was in the center, strapped down to a medical table by fucking zip-ties. He’d been stripped down to a stained pair of boxers, hair longer than Tony remembered it being, eyes duller than he’d remembered them being. The kid let out a deep, guttural whine when the door opened, face twisting in a flinch, like he was expected a blow.

“Peter,” he breathed, staggering towards him, disengaging his gauntlets in his rush to touch, skin-to-skin, to offer the comfort he’d been deprived of for way too fucking long, “Peter.”

Glazed, brown eyes stared back at him. His pupils were blown. Drugs? Fear? The kid squinted like he was struggling to see him. Drugs, then. Maybe. Probably. “Mister Stark?”

“Yeah, yeah. It’s me. It’s me, buddy.”

Peter’s head dropped back, lungs deflating. A delirious smile curled across his face, words lazy with relief. “You’re... a little short for a Stormtrooper.”

He blinked, brain still preoccupied with the metallic scent of blood aching in his nose and the incisions littering every visible inch of the kid’s skin and the fact that he could map every single one of his ribs and how sick he looked, how delicate and fragile and very not like the Peter he knew.

Then, he forced out a chuckle. Act normal, act cool. He had to hold it together for Peter. That was his only job. “Of course you’d make a Star Wars reference.”

“‘S my best quality.” The words must have sparked the kid’s memory, because some of the exhaustion on his face faded, and a thrum of panic took its place. He jerked against his restraints, chest heaving. “Mister Stark, I have to tell you something. I-”

“Shh,” he created a small knife with the suit’s nanites and started sawing through the zip-ties, carefully not to nick Peter’s already raw skin, “we can go through all that later, okay?”

“No, you don’t-”

He set a restraining hand against the kid’s collarbone. “Does this information put us in imminent peril?”

“No-”

“Then hush.” He finished with the zip-ties around his wrists and ducked to his ankles. “How bad are you hurt?”

“I dunno.” Peter’s voice was faint, eyes fixed on the ceiling. “Stopping feeling it weeks ago.”

Oh, Peter.

“Okay,” he choked out, wishing he was strong enough to hide the way that statement cut through his bones, “that’s okay. We’re gonna get you to the Quinjet, get you pumped full of the good stuff, and Helen’ll take care of you.”

“I don’t know if she can,” Peter whispered, voice broken.

“Hey,” he returned to the kid’s face, cupped his cheek, “none of that. Whatever she can’t fix, we’ll fix. Together. Okay?”

For a few beats, Peter just stared at him, wavering between his fear and the intrinsic trust he had in Tony.

The trust won. It always did.

“Okay.”

“Good boy.” He finished with the zip-ties, reengaged the gauntlets, but kept his helmet lowered. One of his arms slipped under the kid’s knees, wary of the dark bruising flaring across the left one, while the other went to support his back. Before fully scooping him up, he paused. “Ready to blow this joint?”

Peter rested his head against the suit’s metal shoulder, voice a tired murmur. “So ready.”

“Good.” The kid was light. Way lighter than he remembered him being. He tried to make a joke of it as he walked to the door, his precious cargo cradled closely to his chestplate. “We’ll have to get a burger in you ASAP, squirt.”

For some reason, the comment made Peter choke on a sob. “Y-Yeah. I guess.”

Despite how much the sound of the kid crying hurt, he consigned the reaction to the hysteria of being freed rather than anything more serious. He could still remember the plane flight back from Afghanistan, sitting against the wall, feeling something tickle his face and reaching up to realize that they were tears. Rhodey kneeling in front of him, concern written all over his expression. Are you okay, Tones? He’d shrugged. I don’t know.

He’d locked himself away in the bathroom for the breakdown, waited out the episode before stumbling back to his seat and staunchly ignoring Rhodey’s stares. Peter, on the other hand, just turned his face into Tony’s shoulder and quivered, teeth digging into his lip as he cried.

“It’s alright.” Tony soothed, moving silently through the smoky halls. Which side had set off the smoke bombs? He couldn’t remember. “You’re safe now.”

Peter nodded, short and sharp, hiccuped on a sob, then coughed.

At first, Tony thought he’d just worked himself up enough that his lungs were rebelling. He’d done it before. Or it could’ve been the smoke, although it had dispersed enough that it wasn’t bothering him, even without the helmet.

“Easy,” he muttered, catching a glimpse of the exit in front of them, “we’ll be out of here soon. A little sunshine’ll do you good, I think.”

He’d expected the kid’s coughing to abate once they got into fresh air. Except... it didn’t. If anything, it was getting worse. He jogged up the ramp to the jet, ignoring the team’s questioning looks, and made a bee-line for Cho.

She met him halfway, eyes already cataloging Peter’s visible injuries. “When did the coughing start?” She asked, guiding them over to a medical bunk.

Tony deposited Peter carefully, letting the suit leak away and pressed his bare palm against the kid’s shoulder, a silent reassurance. “Two minutes ago, maybe?”

“It was probably the smoke. His body’s struggling to adjust.” She shoved an oxygen mask into his hands. “Here. I need to check out these incisions.”

He knelt by Peter’s arm, lightly setting the oxygen mask over his face and brushing a few curls out of his eyes in the process. “There, buddy. Just try to relax.”

Peter groaned, another agonizing cough cutting the sound off short. His expression was twisted up in discomfort. Tony glanced over at Helen as he scrambled to keep the mask pressed firmly over the kid’s face, feeling strangely frantic. “He’s in pain. Can we fix that, please?”

She nodded, stepping back. “I brought his pain meds. Let me just-”

“No,” Peter rasped, shaking his head violently enough that it spurred him into another round of coughing, “no, don’t.”

“You don’t have to be brave about this, Pete, it’s alright to need-”

“Can’t.” A wheeze. Peter winced. “You’ll... You’ll overdose me.”

Cho scoffed. “Peter, I’ve been treating your metabolism for long enough to-”

“They took my powers,” Peter rasped, cutting Tony off. “They-”

The end of the sentence got lost in another round of wheezes and gags, but it had been enough to get the point across.

Tony’s frantic eyes met Cho’s surprised ones.

He shook his head, desperate not to believe it. “That... it can’t be...”

“It makes sense, Tony,” she murmured, shock melting into thoughtful understanding, “his muscle mass is severely depleted, and his healing factor hasn’t been working properly. Some of these wounds are days old, and they’ve only just started to heal.”

No. No. “Could just be malnutrition.”

“Maybe. But we should trust him.” Cho glanced over Peter with concern as his breaths got shorter. “It’s better to assume the worst so we can prepare for it. If he’s really lost his powers, that means that any medical issues he had before would be back. Is there anything-”

Tony’s eyes widened, symptoms clicking into place. God, he was so fucking stupid. “Shit, Cho. He had asthma. Has asthma. He... He has asthma. Really bad, I think.”

Understanding fell across Cho’s face. Her eyes darted to Peter’s heaving chest, then up to the ceiling. Her voice was terse. “F.R.I.D.A.Y., do we have any albuterol on board?”

“Yes. It is located in Medical Locker 12A.”

Cho was moving all at once, grabbing tubing, a mask, a dark black box that Tony assumed must be something important, and a handful of other things. She put them together with the kind of familiarity he imagined didn’t come only with being in the medical field, she’d done this before, often enough that each action had become muscle memory, but he didn’t comment on it.

“This is a nebulizer. It’ll get the albuterol into his lungs more effectively than a rescue inhaler at this point,” she explained. Her voice softened as she finished assembling everything, eyes landing on Tony’s. “He has to sit up.”

“On it,” he replied, slipping behind Peter and settling his back against his chest, shushing him gently as he tried to gag in another breath.

Cho handed him the nebulizer’s mask without another word, and he tossed the oxygen aside in favor of the new setup.

“Just do your best to breathe, Peter.” Cho flicked on the machine, and it hissed. There was a surprising amount of sympathy on her face. “I assume you probably know the drill.”

The kid nodded, then dropped his head had against Tony’s shoulder, staring up at him like he was an anchor, something to tether him to Earth.

“Hey,” he whispered, desperate to fulfill the role Peter was so obviously imploring him to take, “you heard Cho. Just breathe. The meds’ll help soon.”

They did, too. Five minutes later, and Peter was slumped against him, breaths deep and borderline greedy, eyes shut with exhaustion, Cho was prepping an IV of plain-old morphine, supplies laid out to clean the dozens of wounds scattered across the kid’s body, and Tony was still holding the kid, one arm braced around his chest and the other holding the mask to his face.

The nebulizer stuttered, and Cho gently slipped it out of his hands. “We’ll do another treatment in 20 minutes or so, just to be safe. Are you feeling better now, Peter?”

“Yeah,” he breathed, eyelids fluttering open. He stared at Tony, expression full of guilt, “I’m sorry.”

“For what? Scaring the shit out of me? Yeah, you should be.”

Peter let out a wet laugh. “You’re gonna be doing this a lot now.”

“Doing what?”

The kid gestured at himself. “This. My body’s stupid. Can’t even breathe right. I step wrong and I sprain my ankle.” He glanced away, cheeks red. “‘M useless.”

“First of all, you’re not useless.” He used his free hand for force Peter’s gaze back to his face. “And second of all, you’re talking like I’m not gonna fix this. Which I am, by the way. You’ll be back to Spider-Manning and scaring the shit out of me in increasingly inventive ways before you know it.”

“What if you can’t?”

“Do you doubt me?”

“No, of course not.” There was something needy in Peter’s eyes. “But what if you can’t?”

He studied him silently, picking each word with caution. “Then I guess I’ll add a rescue inhaler to the list of things I keep in my pockets at all time. No biggie.”

That seemed to relieve whatever fear had been lurking under the kid’s skin, because he sank back into his chest and didn’t even flinch when Cho placed his IV. “Thank you, Mister Stark.”

He smiled, warm and fond. “I am gonna fix it, though. Just saying.”

The kid’s eyes fell shut again, mouth quirking up in amusement. “Of course you will.”

#I'm trying to use these as writing exercises #so if some of them seem a little off #that's why #ANYWAY if y'all want some quality lost powers whump #check out iron_spider's fic 'don't leave me now'#that shit hurted #in all the right ways #irondad #tony & peter #irondadbingo #tony stark #peter parker #tw: asthma #tw: aftermath of torture #tw: blood #losingmymindtonight writes

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beesmygod · 6 years ago

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i played the “link’s awakening” remaster

and i liked it! with some caveats.

i played “link’s awakening dx” obsessively as a small child before i could get my hands on other games (nintendo games have always been $60 dollars a pop so it took a long time to get a new one) so i blasted through the remake super fast using only my muscle memory to help me. by the time i was at the end boss i was missing 10 seashells (they added 24 more for this new release for a total of 50) and 2 heart pieces. i did everything i could in this game, i feel like. so i’m going to quickly share my thoughts about this game in the form of some bullet points. if you somehow manage to get spoiled from this post about a 30 year old game that’s on you at this point, so im not putting this under a cut.

THE GOOD:

the graphical upgrade is VERY aesthetically good. the characters are extremely cute without feeling saccharine and still read as the same characters you remember from the original game. everything looks REALLY good. the plastic-y feeling of everything makes me feel like i;m smashing a bunch of dolls together as a kid having a grand adventure in my imagination. i love it.

the music is spectacular, but its a nintendo game so that goes without saying, really.

they kept the original script intact, which is a DELIGHTFUL relic from the early 90s for a game that was and is very silly compared to later titles. i love the old goofy script and im so glad they resisted the urge to try to improve on it at all. you still get your smooch from madame meowmeow. you can still take marin to the trendy game and get thrown out.

the new map marking system is a lifesaver and should be a standard feature in every game like this, where you have to leave a chest and come back for it later.

there’s also a new feature where you can re-read old dialog from things you’ve read and people you’ve talked to, in case you missed a hint. VERY good stuff imo.

the voice acting additions are limited to grunts and laughs and exclamations. as it should be with every nintendo game imo.

they added physics to the trendy game (the claw machine) and it is absolutely frustrating and hilarious. i love it. its so cruel and funny.

THE MEH:

the dungeon maker is a mixed bag, mostly because i think nintendo mis-sold it. it is definitively NOT a zelda dungeon maker. not even close. it is nothing like mario maker in any capacity and i have no idea why nintendo included the capability of sharing dungeons (using amiibos??? why would anyone want this? why bother?) because no one in their right mind would want to play these. what the feature ACTUALLY is appears to be a sort of fun-ish puzzle game where the aim is to slot the pieces you have into existing molds to try to create something coherent, using the parameters set by dampe. that’s fun! i like that! i like trying to hash something out into a workable dungeon using scant few parts. what i dont like is having to run through it at the end, because i’ve already done all these rooms before. and by the end of all the challenges i’m sick to the DEATH of it.

the music it plays from all the instruments you collect to wake the windfish pretty bad. a sore thumb in what should be a climatic moment is undercut by what sounds like funstep

the eagle tower is still the worst dungeon ive ever encountered, in maybe all of zelda history and im real salty about it still destroying me in 2019 like it did in 1999

$60 is too much for this game, imo.

THE BAD:

the reward for finishing the first 3 difficulties of dampe’s dungeon maker thing are seashells, heart pieces and a fairy bottle. the reward for finishing the last puzzle on the highest difficulty is an insulting 300 rupees.

similarly, the reward for finding 40 seashells is the better sword. the reward for getting all of them is...more rooms for the fucking dungeon maker.

they added some statues of mario enemies to the game that you can win from the trendy game, including one you can’t get until after you beat the game. your reward for this is nothing. except for, you guessed it, more goddamn rooms for the dungeon maker. then he also lets you play the game for 1/2 off. i don’t know why you would want this in post game. think about all this shit you have to do to get a measly 300 rupee prize.

the frame rate is so bad, that i’m shocked. this is a game made by nintendo for their own console and the frame rate is so amazingly terrible. i’m not even someone who notices these things unless they are egregious, that’s how bad it is.

most importantly:

THEY REMOVED THE PHOTO MOUSE!!!! NINTENDO I WON��T FORGET THIS!!!!! YOU’VE MADE A TERRIBLE ENEMY IN ME WITH THIS!!!!!

review: 7/10

#links awakening #review

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agent-hood · 6 years ago

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There are Wondrous things, There are Magical things, There are Dangerous things

We get what we deserve

@the-roanoke-society

The mission was relatively easy on paper, and one Parker had been looking forward to. A possible genius loci popped up in the forests of the Pacific Northwest, and she was to go and observe. It was surprisingly hard to stumble across accidentally, but five people have still gone missing. Parker double checked her map and sighed in frustration- she had been out in the woods two days already, hiked majority of the western portion, and was no closer to stumbling upon the eldritch location than when she started. She glanced up at the sky, deciding it wasn’t too early to set up camp and transmit back her report. “Agent Hood reporting. End of day two concerning the mission, code: green-pnw. Still no sign of the target, designation ‘Eld fen’. I’ll wait another day and then try the east half. It’s frustrating,” She started. “It’s almost like the location is hiding. I’d say it sounds silly but... maybe not.” She confirmed the transmission was received and turned in early. She awoke with a strangled gasp, eyes shooting awake and body jolting in shock. For once, the first time since her incident, her slumber had been blank. No memories relived that she then had to catalog in excruciating detail, no lingering aches and pains from injuries outside this reality, just rest and slumber. Even more disorienting was that the environment around her was dark. Almost overwhelmingly so, except it was vivid as well. She could see every tree that surrounded her, every leaf on it, every star in the sky above. Two things were wrong with this: one- she had absolutely fallen asleep inside her tent (three hours ago according to her watch, but the level of pitch-black the sky was suggested it had actually been much longer) and was now outside and free of her camping accoutrements, and two- the sky was wrong. She didn’t hold the same fascination with the cosmos as Ellie did, but she was familiar enough with it to recognize that this sky was not of her world’s. There was not a familiar constellation above her, and any that could be discerned were drowned out by the overcrowded multitude of stars that seemed to blink and ripple as if they were breathing. This meant she had found the target. She was in Eld Fen. She rose to her feet slowly, feeling as sore and tired as if she ran a mile. Her walk was sluggish, but that allowed her the opportunity to take in more of her surroundings. The trees were a brackish brown, nearly red in hue, with bark soft and powdery to the touch. The leaves were an iridescent, deep purple that seemed to curl and shudder at her touch. She walked for what seemed like miles, only coming to a stop after tripping over a tree branch and getting her ankles tangled in it. “So pathetic.” A voice sneered. Parker couldn’t place it at first, not until the person came into view, which only confused her more as she had been the only one on this mission. “Morgan what’re you doing here?” “Lookin’ at the sorriest shit-show I’ve seen since the *last* time I had to bail you out of your mission.” “Morgan please, help me up I-“ “No.” Parker lowered her hand in disbelief. Morgan never had an unkind word for her, even when Parker deserved it most, so to hear her comforting drawl sound so curt was jarring. “Got a few things to say to you that’ve been jumpin’ to get out.” Parker groaned and fought to get up, more constrained by the roots than initially thought; but it was Morgan talking so she still listened intently- sure that it was important to the mission. “I shoulda left you in that ditch. Hell- I shoulda done us all a favor and slit your throat right there, saved us all the embarrassment. No one woulda found you. No one woulda cared.” The words stopped Parker. Oh god... she had always thought- but she never believed someone would have actually agreed with her. “You really think you’re so clever that we can’t see through your little act?” Ellie said. Parker tried to ask where she came from, but found herself growing too tired to question it too much. Besides she had to focus her energy on getting up. “You’re practically screaming for attention; every new conversation, every nice gesture, every. Single. Insipid. Smile. It’s all so selfish.” Parker screwed her eyes shut in an attempt to block out the words, but they only drew closer. “You don’t actually care about us,” Raphaelle sneered, voice heavy with disdain. “It’s all some pathetic effort to be missed.” Parker wanted to get up and leave, argue, anything- but she was held fast in place, muscles asleep and weak. Plus... everything they were saying wasn’t exactly wrong. “You won’t be though.” It was now Ivar, staring down at her as if she were so small and pathetic. Like something to avoid on the sidewalk. ‘Not him,’ she thought desperately to herself, tears now leaking out in spite of her efforts to maintain composure. “Who could miss someone like you.” His deep voice enunciated, friendly accent gone and only sneering judgement in its place. “Cold, broken, judgmental. a little know-it-all who knows nothing. And you jumped into bed so easy- all it took was the slightest bit of affection. What does that say about you? You really think I’m going to stay with someone who spreads her legs for a smile?” If her body held anything other than an exhausting hollowness, she’d apologize- beg for any sort of forgiveness, because they were right. Everything said was right. “You’re a blight on this agency,” Lilith said, as if she were stating a well known fact. “and you drag your mother’s legacy through the mud. So useless- you think I couldn’t have brought you back at any point? Why wouldn’t you stay gone?” “There’s a reason no one looked for you.” Kieran hissed, deep voice a twisting knife in her gut. “Dad...” She whimpered, squeezing her eyes tighter, not wanting to see how his face would twist and contort like the others. It was one continuous string of horrific familiarity; recognizable but too many eyes and teeth to be comfortable. “Any one of us could’ve went out and found you, but we didn’t. You were finally off our hands and then you had to come back. Ruined everything since- put your brother in danger because you’re such a child you need him like a safety blanket. At least until he does something you don’t like, then he’s discarded like an old toy.” His shadowy figure, blurred and amorphous but still recognizable, reached down and wrenched her face forward, fingers digging in to make sure she saw the hatred in his expression. “That’s my son.” He spat out in a whisper filled with the lethal intent she knew he was capable of when pushed to his limit. “The only reason I acknowledge you, is because he feels sorry that you’d be left out. Powerless and boring as you are, I’m ashamed.” Parker whimpered, unable to do much more than that. She saw Kieran change to Cthylla and she wanted to reach out, selfishly wanting him to stay despite all the times she told him contrary. “How dare you,” The Archivist hissed, face streaked with heartbreak. “You, a mere human, dare tread where I cannot. And dying where I cannot touch. How dare you take my love and spit in my face.” Wait... something was wrong. “You know what?” Carter started. “I’m glad you’re here, dying alone and far away from me! Maybe now I’ll finally get my own life and stop living under your fucking shadow!” “You’re not Carter.” Parker said definitively, voice weak and barely audible above a whisper, but it cut through the creature’s ranting. “That’s not how Carter feels. That’s how I feel that Carter should feel... this is all fake.” And as she said it out loud, her surroundings became clearer. Like a fog lifting, she was able to focus on more than the procession of hatred. She indeed was still in Eld Fen, alone underneath a strange sky, but she was tucked further into the roots against the horrid red tree. It seemed to exude a body-like temperature, and as She tried to pull herself free she found her body was practically caged. Entangled in it roots and covered in small, ghostly moss and luminous mushrooms ; Unsure if it was just blanketing her or growing from her. Further inspection showed that her body was emaciated, like she hadn’t eaten in two weeks, using the tree as a sort of life support with twigs digging deep into her body like IVs. That was impossible though, she hadn’t been here that long,... had she? So this was how she was going to die- fed on by a parasitic forest. This time she hoped she’d disappear with no trace, that no other agent would investigate and fall prey to this place. She would have been surprised at her calmness when faced with her imminent death but... she really couldn’t feel anything, even calm took effort. She closed her eyes in an attempt to slip away when she heard a frantic snuffling beside her. She managed to smile and whisper out Hampton’s name, having forgotten that he would be the last thing she sees when he comes for her. Always a good boy. Hampton began digging and pawing at the plants and lichen that enveloped her, pushing most of it away. Soon her body was free of most of its entrapments and enough of her strength returned to grasp onto his fur so he could drag her away. The farther she got from the tree the better she felt... to a point. She was definitely weak and drained, but now that she had her emotional and mental facilities back, she was pissed. She searched her pockets and was gratified to find her lighter. Normally she held a bit more reverence for nature and the delicate balance it held, which had only been reinforced by her training and dealings with the fae. But this forest needed to fuck right off. Despite the unsettling wetness of the tree, She successfully managed to start a solid fire underneath the roots, in the make-shift cradle where it caged her. Satisfied it would catch and spread, her only clue to this being a high-pitched shriek coming from... somewhere. she clung tightly to her wonderful, beautiful dog and allowed herself to rest, trusting him to take her where he may. ~ She came-to to heavy, comforting weights pinning her down. Hampton was dutifully laid across her feet, keeping her warm, and Carter was wrapped carefully around her, gangly limbs arranged so as not to disturb the various IVs and machines she was hooked up to. Ivar was on her other side- clinging to her as much as he could while still being confined to his chair- which meant he had been here long enough to not visit his main charging station. The walls were lined with chairs and shelves full of differing balloons and bouquets, all wishing her a speedy recovery. She couldn’t help the smile that bloomed across her face, fueled by a re-invigoration she hadn’t realized she had been so missing. Unhooking herself as quietly as she could, she snuck out of the medical bay, only alerting Hampton (who immediately and silently stuck by her side) to the fact she was now up and about. It must have been in the earliest hours of the morning, as the hallways of the manor were dark and quiet. She slowly, still exhausted and worn to her limit, made her way up to Lilith’s office, hoping to get her debriefing done while it was still fresh, but stopped short at the sound of arguing. “-the ever-loving fuck was I not called in for backup when she failed to report for 48 hours?" A voice (clearly Kieran’s) rang out, “Just because you are related to her does not-“ “Hey guys,” Parker interrupted, keeping her voice casual in an attempt to break the heated argument between her father and Lilith. “Sorry to interrupt.” “What are you doing up luv? You need to get back to-“ Kieran flustered, immediately rushing to her side to (needlessly) help prop her up. Parker interrupted him, putting a temporary stop to his worry. “I’m fine right now, I just needed to debrief- Lilith, I think there’s more to that place than we initially thought.” “Ms. Jensen surely this can wait until you’re out-processed from medical.” “No I’ll forget something and lose it by then. I’ll fill out form 87-b(103) later, promise.” The grand matriarch of Roanoke seemed flabbergasted by Parker’s insistence, having never seen the smaller woman show any measure that resembled assertiveness. She sat in the nearest chair, almost surprised she did so, and listened intently. “Ok so we thought ‘Eld Fen’ was some sort of genius loci, a part of the land that held residual energy or intelligence, but when I was being fed off of- by the way it feeds on people, it would generate hallucinations to manipulate my emotions, so maybe it feeds on those specific chemicals in the brain?” Parker shook her head and continued. “Anyways it made me hallucinate that all of you were there, not all at once, it would just pick a person and say something, really dug into my insecurities, but when it formed to Cthylla, I think it recognized her. Like, more than who she was in my life- it said something about ‘going where she could not’, so I think it knew what* she was.” “Hmm, we’ll have to ask her to see if the Ry’lethians had any sort of place known to them that was forbidden. Or persons.” Lilith agreed, already coming to the conclusion Parker had clumsily hinted at. “Kieran, do wait outside for a moment. I have some private words to impart on our Agent Hood.” He left, reluctantly, and let Parker know that he’d be right outside if she needed. “You mentioned that it made you hallucinate people you knew, I’m assuming the visions said horrible things.” “Yes ma’am. I’m not sure exactly what, but I think it fed on things like ‘deepest insecurities’ so having people you know tell you what you’ve always feared they thought would be the best way to get that.” “...May I ask if I was one of the figures you saw?” “You were ma’am.” Lillith’s face fell imperceptibly, if Parker knew better she would have guessed she was hurt by this information. “I cannot imagine what that mirage told you, but I can guarantee it was false.” Parker bit her lip and thought carefully. She could have railed against her, demanding to know about all the things the vision brought up; it was clearly weighing on her. But hearing each and every hurt she held out loud, it made it seem so much smaller than it felt. “It doesn’t really matter if it is or not ma’am. Or at least it doesn’t matter anymore, not to me.” Lilith nodded then, and in a graceful measured show of affection, took Parker’s hands in her own and squeezed them. She punctuated the gesture with a soft kiss, brushing her knuckles with firm lips and clemency. But if she was granting or asking for it, Parker didn’t know. It wasn’t her place to.

#Eld Fen #Agent Hood #We get what we deserve #(this was a long time coming)

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dxlanwrites · 7 years ago

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"Old Roots" .1 (G.D)

A/N: After re-reading the series I didn't like how fast the plot developed so I've been rewriting the current parts that are up. Some parts are still the same, others are different and have added scene's. Here's part 1. She's a long one so watch out. Enjoy.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

~~~~~~~~~~

An eerie quietness fell over the neighborhood as I closed my car door. The quiet thumps of my boots hitting the broken slabs of concrete sidewalk were the only noise that could be distinctly heard. It had to be around 3 a.m by now but I wouldn’t of known since my phone was currently smashed to piece's on my living room floor. Pulling my leather jacket closer to my body to help keep out the chill, I neared my destination. About a block away at the end of the almost abandoned street sat a fairly new looking home surrounded by cars and motorcycles. A warm almost inviting glow was hidden behind the closed curtains that framed the windows. A soft buzz of chatter could be heard as I got closer. Carefully maneuvering my way through the vehicles, I stopped and stood at the bottom of the steps that led up to the door and front porch. Damn. I haven’t been here in years but everything still seemed familiar. I still knew every inch of this house as if it were my own which it basically was to my 16 year old self, but now it was all just a distant memory. Taking a deep breathe, I reluctantly made my way up the steps. My boots sounded heavy against the newly placed wood, no doubt alerting everyone inside that someone was out here. Pulling open the screen door that was the only thing separating me from my past, I raised my arm and moved my clenched hand forward. Only to stop mere centimeters from the wooden door. I should of just called, I thought to myself. There was no need to do this face to face, yet here I was. No more hesitating. I have to do this. I need to do this. Taking another deep breath and rolling my shoulders back to relaxed slightly, I brought up my knuckles banged them against the cold wooden door. Knocking hard three times, I backed up slightly and harded my facial expression. Game face. The chatter inside died down alittle and the sound of footsteps were nearing the door. As the lockes clicked unlocked, my breath hitched when realization finally kicked in. Here goes nothing. The door was swung open and the familiar scent hit me like a ton of bricks but I quickly pulled myself together, pushing back any emotions that dared to break the surface. Looking back at me curiously stood someone I’ve never seen before. He looked pretty young and old at the same time, had to be no more then 17. His scruff aged him more than it should of but his baby face showed his youth. The jet black hair of his layed messily underneath the hood that was lazily thrown up. His bright green eyes were shinning as if he was just laughing hysterically at something. The throat being cleared from this unknown boy helped regain my attention when he caught he taking in his features.

“Can I help you?” His deep voice rang out into the air as his eyes narrowed in on me. Mentally clearing my mind and straightening up slightly to help with the height disadvantage I was at, I began to speak.

“You can help me by stepping aside and letting me in.” I said emotionless.

"And why would I do that?" He said leaning into the door frame as he crossed his arms.

"Because I said so. So move." I said getting slightly annoyed.

"Yeah. Okay." He said stepping back as if he was about to let me walk in, only to shove me back by my shoulder and began to close the door. Okay, I wont play nice then. Kicking my leg out to stop the door from closing, I pushed myself inside. Taken back from my sudden aggressiveness, he quickly put himself inbetween me and the destination i seeked.

“You have about 5 seconds to get off the property or you’ll regret it, little one.” He said down to me.

"Little one?” I repeated quietly as I moved in closer to him, dangerously close. Lifting up my hand, I gently traced my finger down his jawline stopping at his chin.

“Oh honey the only little one here is you.” I said grabbing the collar of his hoodie and pulling him out of the doorway and onto the ground of the porch.

“Word of advice, never threaten me again. Or you’ll regret it.” I hissed at him. As I walked in, memories began to flow. Everything looked fairly the same, some changes had occured throughout the years though. New furniture, fresh layer of paint on the walls, pictures in picture frames taken out and replaced with new memories. A loud familiar laugh soon invaded my ears as it came from where the living room should be, unless that changed too. Before I could chicken out and run away, my feet were already reluctantly moving me in that direction. Fast and loud footsteps were heading my way as I made my way ddeeper inside, no doubt from the boy I just met. When his figure emerged from the corner and spotted me, he lunged forward and tried to grab my arms only to be kneed in the groin and pushed onto the floor. This small commotion caused everyone to turn from their spots on the couches and look at the noise. Confused and shocked faces met my hardened one as they spotted me. No one said anything, just stared back with blank expressions, except for a brunette whose tits were basically pouring out of her tank top.

“Who the hell are you?” She said standing up from the recliner. Before she could take a step forward the arm from the guy next to her shot out infront of her to stop her from moving closer. She looked up confused as to why she was halted and was about to say something but the sound of glass breaking beat her to it. Looking to my right to where the shatter came from I saw a familiar face. My heart skipped a beat in excitement as my eyes connected with his.

“Y/n?” He said in pure and utter shock. A smile spread across my lips as I closed the distance between us and ran into his arms. A few seconds later after his mind click on and realized I was real, he returned my hug and held me tight against him. I don't know what came over me to run into his arms like that but I was secretly happy I did. I hadn’t even noticed a single tear left my eyes until we broke apart to get a good look at one another when he quickly swiped it off my face.

“Ethan.” I said breathlessly. His small smile grew bigger as he released me from his grasp. Our little moment was ruined by a deep groan from behind me, turning around I completely forgot about the boy I kneed a moment ago.

“What happened to you?” Ethan asked as he peered past me. The boy didn’t say anything instead just pointed at me instead.

“She did this? Y/n, you’ve been here for not even 5 minutes and are already causing trouble.” He teased.

“What can I say, trouble seems to follow me. In my defense he didnt let me inside when I was being nice then he threatened me then basically came at me so he’s lucky all he got was a kick to the balls.” I said blankly.

“Still got it I see. Attitude and all.” He laughed.

“Kinda hard to forget. Blame it on the muscle memory.” I joked. Ethan rolled his eyes and bent down to pick up the glass from his cup he broke. Someone else I didnt know got up from the couch and headed towards the kitchen to get a broom.

“Damn y/n in the flesh. Never a sight I thought we’d ever see again.” A voice said behind me. I turned around just in time to see two large bodies come hurling at me, wrapping me up in their arms and squishing me between them. I laughed shortly but quickly was over the unwelcomed contact, getting irrated and began pushing them off of me.

“No more y/n sandwhich!” I said facing them.

“Aw c'mon y/n/n, you know you love it. Being between me and Russ is a fantasy of yours, we know it.” Tyler joked as he smirked at me. Roaming my eyes over their body, I couldn’t help but take in the sight in front of me. Definitely not those scrawny 17 year old boys I once knew. Fully grown men now stood in front of me with toned muscle flexing underneath their too tight of a shirt, jeans perfectly wrapped around there muscular legs. Rolling my eyes at his comment, I gave them a small smile in return trying not to crack too much and show my soft. Standing back, I began to take in the new faces around us. A few of the guys that were sitting on the couch watching everything unfold in front of them looked to be around our age while the other 3 relaxing in the floor looked to be in their late teens just like the boy I met at the door. Awkwardly standing around waiting for Ethan to return, my eeyes fell onto a specific spot of the leather couch.

"Take a load off y/n." Russ said taking his previous spot on the couch across the room. Slowly walking to the couch, I hesitantly fell back into the only familar couch that still sat against the wall. It was still in the perfect position to see the TV and best spot to get to the kitchen and bathroom. Taking a seat in the only spot where I ever sat. My spot. The left corner next to the table. Closing my eyes and letting my head fall back onto the couch, I let out a deep sigh and surprisingly allowed myslef to relax into the familiarity. I was brought back to reality from an obnoxiously loud laugh. Ethan was making his way over to me with two beers carefully hheld in his fingers. Putting out his hand for me to take one, e rose his eyebrow when I hesitantly took it from him. He sat down next to me as he laughed quietly and shook his head.

“It’s as if you never left.” He said taking a swing of his beer.

"Oh but thank god I did." I replied under my breath as I took a sip of my beer. Wincing at the strange taste I took my lips of the bottle.

“What the f-. Light beer?” I said looking over at Ethan.

"Yep. We’re trying to maintain our amazing bodies and beer doesnt really help. It was Grays idea.” Ethan said nonchalantly. Tensing up at his name I remembered the main reason I was here. I knew I was going to let myself get caught up with all the reminiscing and comfortiblilty that I would forgot the only reason I even came back here. Noticing my uncomfortably state he gave me a sympathetic look which I didn't like at all. Pushing all flashbacks and feelings away, I refocused myself.

“Where is he E?” I asked not looking up from the spot on the floor I was staring a hole in.

“Around. He was pissed at everyone and everything earlier. Left in a rage. Wouldn't even talk to Hailey.” He said avoiding looking at me after the last sentence left his lips.

“Hailey?” I asked looking up at him. He motioned over to the kitchen with his beer, ignoring my stare. Following the direction he motioned with, my eyes met the backside of the brunette from before. Her bootyshorts road up her ass showing alittle too much booty.

“Figures.” I laughed as I downed my beer. Ethan laughed at my remark and silently agreed with a simple head nod.

“But seriously Eth, where is he? I didn’t just come here to take a trip down memory lane.” I said looking at him.

"Then why are you here?” A deep voice asked from the other side of the room. Freezing up instantly at the sound of his voice, I mentally cursed at myself for letting him take my by surprise and make me feel how I was. An overly excited squeal sounded out from the kitchen followed by footsteps.

“Baby!” The brunettes, or known as Haileys voice broke out into the silence that now hung in the air. From the corner of my eye I saw him quickly dismiss her as he walked closer to us. I smirked inwardly a little but instantly dropped it to remain my neutral look. Giving myself a small pep talk, I reluctantly rotated in my spot and faced him. As soon as my eyes hit his hazel ones, I knew I was a goner. So many emotions flowed through my body at once, I didnt know which one to react with first. Neither of us said anything as we stared at eachotheer allowing the tension to grow in the air. Ethan put a reassuring hand on my thigh to help edge me on, in which Grayson quickly took noticed of right away and narrowed his eyes. Noticing the slight change in his demeanor, I pushed Ethan’s hand off of me like it was on fire. Standing up and placing my beer on the table I stood face to face with him.

“Grayson." I said emotionless as my nails dug into the palm of my hand to help me not shake. Somehow his expression hardened at the sound of his name slipping past my lips.

“Why are you here?” He asked sternly boring his eyes into me as he crossed his arms against his broad chest making his muscle’s flex. In any other moment I would of been drooling over the pure sexual power oozing from him in that tight black shirt but I knew what he was doing. He was trying to intimidate me.

"We need to talk.” I said steadily. He made no advancement to reply or pay any attention to my request. Looking to my side where Ethan sat, I gave him a look we used to share many times when Grayson was being difficult. Grayson was quick to take notice of the smiles that threaten to spread on mine and Ethans face. An animalistic like growl escaped his lips making my head snap towards him.

"Don't even." I warned. That sound was all too familiar to me from the countless fights between me and him or whenever his overprotectness would emerge.

“Excuse me?” He said harshly taking a long stride towards me. Challenging him was one thing he had always told me he admired about me but it always pissed him off none the less. When he was in arms length distance of me and made no motion to be stopping anytime soon, I extended my arm out as it collided with his hard warm chest. At the mere contact he stopped all movement.

“Let's be civil. Talk like the adults we are, or well how I am. I dont know about you.” I sassed as I removing my hand off his chest.

“Im busy.” He said coldly pushing past me. Grabbing at his bicep and turning him around to face I gave him a hard look. I heard someone intake a hard breath as they watched me man handle him.

“Grayson Bailey! If it wasn’t important I wouldn’t of dragged myself back into this shithole.” I said angrily at his childish antics which earned a couple of defensive ‘heys’ from the boys.

“Shithole? Well this 'shithole' used to be your home.” He scuffed and pulled his arm out of my grasp.

“Gray, please.” I said as it came out barely above a whisper. Looking up at him, I noticed he was already staring down at me with an unreadable expression. He narrowed his eyes at me and knitted his eyebrows together as if he was thinking. Then in a blink of an eye, wrapped his large hand around my wrist and pulled me behind him without another word.

“But baby-” An annoying whine called out from close behind us as we walked out of the living room. Grayson stopped mid step, making me inconveniently slam into his back and instinctively wrapping my freed arm around his waist. He didnt turn around but just turned his head back slightly to look at Hailey.

“Leave us alone. I’ll deal with you later.” He said as he contiuned to walk and head towards the stairs. Ethan was causally leaned up against the wall no doubt waiting for us when he finally spoke.

“Gray man, let’s take a second to calm down. No need to be rash.” He said calmly as he tried to reach for my wrist in Graysons grasp. Grayson pushed him back slightly as he brought me forward so my back was now securely pressed up against his chest with his arm holding me in place by my waist. As soon as Ethan took in the expression Grayson was giving him and my knowingful gaze, he lifted his hands up in surrender and backed away back into the living room. He knew how things were going to get settled between us and as soon as Grayson and I had made eye contact but he hoped it wouldn't. Ethan would never admit it but he was always proud and happy for me when I finally left because he knew I could finally be who I wanted to be and reach my full potential instead of being stuck here and never see what the world had to offer. Without warning Grayson quickly rushed up the stairs with me in his arm, almost making me fall over my own damn feet.

“Fuck Grayson, I can walk on my own!” I said pushing myself out of his grasps. He ignored my whine and walked to the far end of the hallway where his bedroom still sat. Following him towards his room, he waited for me to get inside then slammed the door shut.

“Talk.” He said harshly as he walked into his large walkin closet, stripping himself from his shirt and throwing it a basket in the process. He walked back out a few moments later in a pair of sweats that hung low on his hips and a t-shirt thrown over his shoulder. If I say so myself he has definitely been keeping his body in check.

“Sit.” He said pointing to his bed as he pulled on his shirt.

“No. Do I look like a dog?” I said crossing my arms and leaning back against the door.

“Did it fucking sound like an option? And well you are a bitch.” He said as he grabbed my arm and pushed me onto his bed.

“If you keep manhandling me, I’ll swear I’ll chop of your dick Dolan.” I said glaring up at him as I sat up from my thrown position. All he did was roll his eyes and make his way over the the desk that sat in the far corner near to the window. I noticed a small digital clock that sat on the desk and it read 4:45 a.m. Letting out a breath I didn't realized I had held in, all the exhaustion I have been holding back seemed to finally release myself as I let myself fall back into the bed.

“I said sit, not lay.” He said still facing away from me.

“Never listened to you before so why start now.” I said rolling onto my side to face his direction. He was looking at paper work that was scattered on top of the desk when he felt my gaze on him, making him twist around and looked at me. He seemed to get lost in his own thoughts as he watched me. His face seemed to soften up somewhat before it disappeared and he turned around.

“Don’t lay like that.” He said bringing his attention back to the papers in front of him.

“Lay like what? I’m literally just laying down.” I said annoyed as I sat up.

“Like you used to when I worked. Like you belong there, in my bed.” He said as his shoulders drooped..

"But Hailey can lay in your bed because she belongs here right?” I said surprising myself at the petty jealousy that was laced in my voice. He had stopped moving as his back muscles tensed back up.

“She doesn’t come in my room. She especially does not lay in my bed.” He replied. Feeling somewhat satisfied with his answer, I took a moment to look around the room. It was pretty much the same. All the same furniture was still there just moved around, shelves still held the same objects, clothes were still all over the floor. His bed side table still held my initials I had carved in many years ago so that any girl he brought home after me would know hes will always be mine. Reaching out to touch my engraved initials, memories of that day flowed back.

"What are you doing." Graysons voice said startling me slightly.

"Nothing." I replied as I moved my book over the small scratches.

"Baby, guilt is written all over your face." He said walking into his room and over to where I layed. Staring down at me, he tried to pick out any sign as to what I was just doing. When my eyes twitch to the left a little his gaze followed as he investigated the side table. He noticed the small curved wood scraps from when I removed them with his switch blade. Pushing the only thing on the table to the side he stared down at my initial for my first name on it.

"What were you doing?" He asked. Some anger rushed through him at the thought of you ruining his furniture but he was also very curious.

"I was engraving my initials." I said making eye contact with his beautiful hazel orbs.

"Why?" His deep voice asked.

"So that any girl you bring into your bedroom after me knows that you will always be mine." I said staring at my unfinished job. He stayed quiet after my little jealous explosion and simply grabbed his switch blade that was closed up in my hand and contiuned to carve my last names initial in right next to me first.

"No girl will ever come in here after you cause your it for me." He said leaning down and cupping my face gently in his hands. Smiling up at him, I wrapped my arm around his neck and pulled him down towards me. His soft lips met mine as a smile broke out from him.

Getting brought back from my flashback from his gaze I could feel on me as I mindlessly traced over the edged markings, I knew he felt that same way I did. Dangerous waters we were treading. The possibility of opening up wounds that have been healed up for the past four years was closer then I wanted. Sighing, I lifted myself up off the bed and walked over to where he was standing. Reaching into my pocket to grab the reason I was here, I unfolded it and layed it out infront of him. He quickly grabbed it as he read it over and spun around to face me.

“Where did you get this.” His asked as his voice came out strained as if he was trying to hold his emotions back.

“It was in my apartment, attached to this.” I said pulling out the picture I had in my other pocket. He grabbed the photo from my hands and stared down at it before snapping his head up to look at me.

“Im serious. Tell me where you got this y/n.” He said a little more louder this time.

“In my apartment! On my fucking cutting bored with a knife stabbed throught them." I replied annoyed. He ran his fingers through his hair and pushed past me.

“Don’t fucking play games!” He yelled as he turned to face me. His face was slightly red and his muscle’s were really protruding.

“Play games?! Are you fucking kidding me? Do you think I would of came back here if I was 'playing games'. The last place I would ever want to be is back here with you.” I yelled at him as I clenched and unclenched my fists at my side. He seemed slightly taken back by my outburst but quickly stiffened back up as he dropped the paper and photo on the bed and walked over to his dresser. After rummaging through one of the draws, he pulled out a metal box and brought it over. Opening it up he dumped out all of the piece’s of paper that were held with in. Looking down at them, I noticed they all had the same thing written on all of them in the same hand writing.

What’s poor old Grayson Dolan without his girl? And I don’t mean that little whore you’ve been keeping around. How’s y/n? She looks good, too good. Makes me want to have her squirming underneath me as she cried out in pain.

They were all similar to the note I got. Same messy hand writing and same type of paper, but my referred to Grayson and told me things werent as they seemed also mine came along with a picture of Gray and I when we had to be around 18 years old, sitting outside on the porch with me on his lap. Honestly I didn’t know what to say. Grayson had physical hand written threats targeted against me and decide to just keep it a secret. As soon as I saw the note and pitcure at my place, I was in the car making the 3 ½ hour drive over here without thinking but he didn’t even think to even pick up the phone to tell me.

“How- how long have you had these?” I said looking at the piece’s of paper as a moment of silence fell over us.

“A couple months. I recieved some pictures too of you, they looked recent.” He said unbothered.

“What?! A couple months? You've received threats against me for months and got pictures of me recently? Are you fucking kidding me? Did you even think to tell me or was the small brain of yours too stupid and thought ’oh I better not tell y/n cause im a selfish dumbass and only does whats best for me, fuck y/n right? Who cares what happens to her’.” I yelled at him. He stood there taking my yelling with a clenched his jaw then began putting the papers back into the box along with my note and my picture. Once everything was put away he turned to walk back to his dresser.

“Stop ignoring me! What th-” I began to yell but he interrupted me by the loud sound of him slamming the dresser draw close.

“IM NOT FUCKING IGNORING YOU! If you would shut up for just a goddamn second and let me talk then you would of found out I handled the fucking situation already!” He screamed back at me. As he took a step forward I took one back. I wasnt necessarily afraid of him but I knew he was unpredictable when he was mad.

“What do you mean took care of it? Cause from where Im standing it looks like you didnt.” I said.

“When I said I took care of it, I took care of it.” He said walking towards his door and opening it up.

“Now get out and leave.” He spat out at me.

“You're joking right?” I asked in disbelief. Shaking my head I stood up but didnt make a move towards the door.

“After all these years I really would of thought that ego of yours would of actually shrunk but damn was I wrong. 'I took care of it'. What type of shady crap are you back into now? Or did you never leave that part of your life behind like you always promised you would. Cause from what I remember you told me you stopped working for those guys only for me to find you beating some guy almost to death a week later over some money he owed you. Then on top of all that bullshit I found out you had your own little gang and BROUGHT ETHAN INTO IT! And we all know how that ended, don’t we Grayson.” I said as anger rose in me. He looked over at me from the spot on the wall hes been staring at and I could of sworn his eyes darkened.

"You're the one who left. You walked away. I was done with all of that shit then you left.” He said dangerously low as he stalked towards me.

“And why do you think I left? Huh? Maybe cause I was tired of you lying to me, coming back home at ungodly times of the night, bruises all over, money just coming in from nowhere, PEOPLE TRYING TO GET TO YOU THROUGH ME. The list goes on and on! Remember Marcus? What happened there? Who’s fault was that? Who’s fault was it when I was in the hospital for three goddamn days because of a fucking gun shot wound? Huh? I was FUCKING 17 FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! I missed most of my stupid senior year because of you. I didn’t go to prom because of you! Couldn’t go to graduation! I almost didnt get the chance TO GO FUCKING COLLEGE BECAUSE OF YOU! My own parents basically disowned me when they found out I got pregant with your baby only to have that fucking miscarriage. I gave up my entire life for you. So dont you fucking stand there trying to acting all innocent and try to blame anything on me. I left because loving you was the DUMBEST DECISION I had ever made!” I yelled. I didnt even notice the tears that were falling down my face until my eyes became so blurry I couldn’t see. I reluctantly let out a loud whimper as a pair of arms wrapped around me and held me against its chest.

“No! Get away from me. I hate you! I hate you.” I said as I punched at his chest and tried to get away. Memories I hadn’t thought about in years kept flooding my mind as I cried hysterically into Graysons chest. The whole house stood quiet expect for my loud uncontrollable sobs. I had soon forgotten that the door was wide open and that everyone obviously had to of heard everything, which made me cry even more. Soon later my sobs quiet down and the tears dried up but my body was drained emotionally and physically. I felt Graysons grasp loosen slightly on me but still held me close as he gently removed my jacket. In one swift motion he had me up in his arms then placed me gently into the middle of his bed. Removing my boots, he pulled up the blanket that was draped messily on his bed and placed it comfortably on top of me. When he was about to pull away, something in me reached out to grab his arm and pull him slightly towards me. He pulled away lightly to much of my dismay as he walked away and closed the door. I thought he had left but soon the lights were shut off and the corner of the blanket lifted up from behind me. Once he was settled in and somewhat relaxed I scooted back trying to get some sort of body contact I was craving at the moment. To my surprise he was on his side facing me so that when I wiggled back his chest was pressed up against my back. He stiffened up at the contact and didnt dare move so I reached behind me, grabbing at his free arm and wrapped it around me. He quickly relax into my touch and tightened his grip around me bringing me close to him.

"Gray..” I whispered as my eyes stung from the tears forming again. He quietly hushed me and kissed the top of my head as he pulling me closer into him. Silent tears rolled down my cheeks and from the wetness on the back of my neck and uneven breathing in my ear. I could tell he was crying as well.

“I’m sorry.” He said softly and he hugged me closer soon lulling us both to sleep.

#grayson dolan #grayson dolan imagine #dolan twins #ethan dolan #dxlan writes #old roots

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goddamnitdazai · 8 years ago

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Survival is a Process {1}

Characters: Oda Sakunosuke/Mafia!Dazai Osamu (platonic), Port Mafia, Armed Detective Agency, Ango. Rating: Teen and Up Genre: Angst, canon-divergence Pairing: (platonic) Odazai Warnings/Tags: Mentions of suicide, suicide attempts, alcoholism, depictions of violence, canon violence, language. (AO3 link)

Hospital 01 There are little pieces of him everywhere. Carmine splatters clinging to Dazai’s pants and shirt sleeves. The tips of his hair are dip-dyed scarlet, crusted to the back of his neck. His coat, beige and smelling like gunpowder and smoke, sits draped over Dazai’s knees. Two holes frayed at the edges where the sash ties to his waist like two blossoming flowers. Dazai’s hands feel warm from the scrubbing and his bandages are still wet from the sink over flowing. It’s been eight hours now, nine if you count the screaming on the phone and the car ride and the twenty-two minutes Dazai spent with his gun down a doctor’s throat. The blinds are drawn shut but sunlight finds its way through and scatters over the off-white tiles. It’s too bright for him, Dazai thinks, but Dazai can’t move. There’s safety in this miniscule space by the bed. He’s been here since the start and nothing terrible had happened. The thought pushes a sarcastic snort through his chapped lips. Except everything was terrible.

Seconds drag by. The edges of his teeth grind on his bottom lip until it begins to bleed. Hours become unrelenting demons taunting him with deafening silence. Pale fingertips scrape the tattered fabric burnt onyx by two bullets; Dazai can hear metal tearing through the air as his thumb slides over a single burnt thread. Automated machines click in patterns; Dazai has them memorized. Dripping IV fluids become environmental reminders that Odasaku is still breathing. Plastic tubes stretch from his dry, spit caked mouth down to a mess of wires and lines hardwired into boxed machinery. Up and down and up and down the life line of luminescent green bounces to the drumbeat of a broken heart (still alive). Dazai loses control of his breathing and gags on oxygen. Trembling lips fight to inhale; the memory of smoke and charred flesh returns like a reel of an old horror film stuck on a loop. Dazai’s fingers curl to his palm at the sound of his cell phone ringing for the tenth time in half an hour. The garbage can rattles against the floor as the phone drops, he should have crushed the thing. Yet the consistent ringing battering against his over-sensitive ears poses as a miniscule distraction. Moments slip away too quickly; within a minute the quiet beeping of medical devices consumes the air. Dazai fidgets and switches his left leg with his right. The ball of his foot bounces over the tile. Exhaustion tugs at him to close his eyes just for a minute. But what if he dies while I’m sleeping? He can’t hold on to air. Fervency causes his fingers to shake as he pulls the black tie from his neck. Dazai counts the tiles on the floor, but his heart refuses to fall back to a natural rhythm. He can feel the overstrained muscle pounding in his ears. Bloodshot eyes flit from corner to corner; Dazai tries to laugh at himself—his throat is too dry. Anxiety crawls on him, leeches. He can feel them holding on to his skin, scurrying beneath his bandages, making his heart beat louder. It’s a war drum pounding in his head. The taste of blood fills his mouth, his bottom lip is throbbing. The muscles in his legs squeeze as he eyes the corner of the bathroom. If he moves the world will end. Bile rumbles in his stomach. It’s been twelve hours; he can’t feel his entire body. The edges of the world start to shimmer. He counts the spots of colors rapidly changing in front of him. Part of him, a quiet part that used to rule the forefront of his mind, tells him to breathe—there’s no oxygen going to your brain, you’re going to pass out. Dazai tries to pull the voice forward. Reality has become unrecognizable. He reaches for Odasaku’s hand as his head falls to the fluffy white blanket covering his friend’s lower half. Odasaku’s fingers twitch under the touch. Dazai counts to five, exhale. The mattress groans but Dazai can no longer hold himself upright. There is a weight resting on Dazai’s chest trying to drag him down like quicksand. Immovable, untouchable, unrelenting. A hand reaches to touch the back of his neck. Instinct screams at him to move, but there is no strength left in his legs. Half-heartedly he reaches for the gun at his side. The nurse backs away at the sight of metal. Dazai smirks a bit as his hand falls to his side, empty. “You should rest s-“ “I don’t want to hear your voice unless you have information on why he hasn’t woken up yet.” Dazai says coldly. ______________________ He counts the tiles again, but by twos this time. Then four, and then he counts backwards from the bathroom towards the front of the room. The door shuts quietly; nothing has changed. He shifts his knees up to his chest as he counts. He’s far too tall to fit comfortably like this, but he can’t stand the way the cold hospital floor feels under his feet. Brilliant orange fills the window as violet trickles down from the highest part of the sky. Odasaku once mentioned he loved this time of day, the combination of remaining daylight and growing twilight. Brilliant swirls of dark blue contrasting through puffy cotton-candy clouds—Dazai couldn’t understand his fascination with it. Odasaku was never one to prattle on about the vitality of a sunset (he mentioned it once but Dazai changed the subject), yet his nature to stare in awe at the swirling hues did not leave him. Silently as they walked Odasaku would glance up every few minutes at the sky until the moon hung lover over the city. Dazai always thought it was the alcohol that fueled Odasaku’s child-like lust for a painted sky of oranges and blues. But now he wondered if his friend just enjoyed something brilliantly simple, and Dazai was not a good enough friend to listen. Dazai was the mouth piece, that fact he knew, but it never occurred to him the bulk of conversations revolved around Dazai’s subject of choice. Relentlessly picking on Chuuya, over-dramatizing situations where he nearly died (he waited and waited but it never happened), the affections of a woman he met at a bar the previous night. There was an endless list of things forever growing in the back of Dazai’s mind, but he couldn’t pinpoint when that list first formulated. He could recall the first time he bothered Chuuya about his hat when they were younger, and it made the boy turn red instantly. Chuuya punched him hard in the stomach (Kouyou made him apologize right after). It had been the first time Chuuya talked to him on his own volition. He was shy, quiet, and always hiding behind Kouyou especially when Mori was around. At times Chuuya would wander through the hallways but never spark conversation, and he called Dazai weird one time under his breath. He liked the way Chuuya’s face strained when he was angry; he could understand it. And so he kept going and going and going. So much that now Dazai could map out the way Chuuya’s eyes narrow when he’s really angry, or how one brow twitches when he’s trying not to let Dazai get under his skin. At least it was something—he was a person to Chuuya; even if Chuuya hated the person he was. Forced partners, but it was okay sometimes. Mori never showed the slightest bit of emotion on his features regardless of what happened; except once. The knife in his hand glimmered beneath the moonlight, and his eyes had grown just as wide as the source of the light. Dazai watched his face contort to a man who had finally found the grasp of power he’d been searching for. His motive, his movements, they were calculated down to the finest detail. Mori knew Dazai would never speak of this, yet he found it necessary to mention it aloud. His voice was cold iron against Dazai’s skin. It had been the first and last time Mori made his skin crawl. There was nothing left after that—Mori and himself weren’t people, to each other, to most. Prodigy and master, as expected from Dazai (the demon). That was okay, he supposed. Odasaku—he was simple; but Dazai still found him puzzling. The sheer blasé words that came from his mouth sounded incredibly strange given his background. A man in the Port Mafia, a killer who chose to stop, to adopt orphans, to be good. But, he still rested on the side of darkness. He drank with the prodigy of Yokohama’s criminal elite, but spilled no blood. An oddity of the Port Mafia, like Dazai, perhaps this is what fused them. But, Dazai could never understand the motives behind pure selflessness. What it felt like to breathe life for someone else, for anything else, was not something Dazai bothered to miss. For as long as he could remember he never had a thing in the world to hold close to his heart. What would he even want? Humans were endlessly selfish, and that he understood. The logistics of self-elevating, self-serving. Of winning. Dazai always won—he was good at it. Perhaps Odasaku’s simplicity allowed him to choose the manner in which he lived, or maybe he was too good at hiding from people who would have taken him in. Would Mori have brought him to the Port Mafia if he’d found Odasaku at that age? Dazai shivers at the thought of a young Odasaku covered in blood with empty eyes staring back at him. Would he have seen past Dazai’s demonic reputation? Doubtful. Their encounter was chance, or fate, because fate was always an incredibly cruel beast. Weakness is not a familiarity. The waning strength in his shoulders and ache in his back do nothing but irritate him even more. As the clock ticks forward Dazai’s mind continues to dwindle down to a blank canvas. The simplest of movements take extreme amount of energy to even put forth minimal effort. Heavy ink-colored bags hang below his eyes. It’s close to ten pm. He fights the urge to glance towards the garbage where he’d thrown his phone earlier. Surprisingly it had remained eerily silent, and none of Mori’s subordinates had stopped to talk to Dazai or tell him to leave. Nobody had come by at all. It was better this way. Just the two of them suspended in time; waiting and waiting and waiting. Dazai’s arms cross over each other as he leans his cheek onto his left wrist, elbows expanded over Odasaku’s stomach. For a man who’d been sleeping for over a day, Odasaku looks overly exhausted. Even from a distance Dazai can see the drooping beneath his eyes like someone had come and tugged the skin hard enough to permanently alter its elasticity, leaving behind saggy darkened bags. Instead of his usual soft expression there is a hardened furl of his bottom lip that drags wrinkles across his chin. The look he wore, a man with anger and with guilt, when he left Dazai in the parking lot of the restaurant remains etched in his features even as he sleeps. Fragile moonlight streaks over Dazai’s back illuminating the gentle rise and fall of Odasaku’s chest. The warmth from his skin begins to lull Dazai into a half-sleep, but something inside him snaps. A siren, a rush of fear sweeping him up like a tidal wave pulling him to the blackest part of the ocean. Air is sucked from his lungs leaving him gasping with trembling shoulders and enclosed hands. Nails dig crescent moons into his palm; get a fucking grip. Dazai counts the ticking of the clock by twos until his vision levels out and the fog clogging his mind dissipates. He matches every miniscule inhale with Odasaku’s until their heartbeats syncopate. Memories fade in and out like ghosts. Dazai’s state wavers on the line of conscious dreaming and exhaustion. He can hear the music playing softly through the worn speakers. Low hanging lights casting a halcyon glow over the amber liquid swirling in his glass. Ango’s blood-red tomato juice filling the cup; Odasaku’s genuine interest in Dazai’s experience with a machinegun mounted truck. The picture they took resides in his pocket still; he can hear it crinkle as he slumps further on to Odasaku’s stomach. Haunting him. Fueling him to burn the entire city to the ground. The scent of death mixes with whisky. Ango’s office felt musty and dark. Rows and rows of books neatly organized on shelves with far too much dust collecting on the edges. Odasaku let Dazai prattle on about Ango’s odd habits without rolling his eyes or telling him to quit. Ango’s nose scrunched up the closer Dazai got to his desk. Immediately Ango furled back into his chair shouting that he smelled terrible and how could he go to a bar with all this work? But what if he smelled like us? Odasaku played Dazai’s game happily (even if it was childish). Their tab was enormous and the night was warm. Summer had sprawled over the city and Dazai had thrown his jacket in Odasaku’s fridge before passing out on the couch. “Because he is my friend.” Mori’s eyes narrow but every other detail remains upright. He can see through Dazai’s bandages and skin and façade of childlike antics as the cogs in his mind start churning. Problem solving was something Mori enjoyed unfolding. Like a paper crane deconstructed back to its original form. Dazai worked backwards from the simple words Mori spoke to the events from days and days before. Sunlight burns red over Yokohama. Dazai’s men drive too slowly for his liking. His heart pounds as his shoes smack against blood soaked tile. The scent of metal and burning flesh overtakes the natural musk of the forest. Heat scorches up his back and constricts his throat; a ball of smoke lodges itself in his lungs. Door after door there are bodies littered on the floor wailing in pain, calling out to him, to Gide, to death. Shards of glass decorate the floor in shimmering glitter as the moonlight gleams in from the cracked skylight. “He is my friend.” Dazai jolts upright. Panicked hands crawl to Odasaku’s stomach and his chest, eyes strained and blurry from fighting against relenting darkness. His lips tremble, the name falling from them as though the mere utterance of it would send the entire world crashing down on him. The resonating beep from the monitor does little to satiate Dazai’s blossoming anxiousness. He only recoils his hands after counting Odasaku’s heartbeat twelve times. Two am and there is no more light peeking through the blinds. Shadows overlap as Dazai’s eyes adjust to the darkness. He buries his head on Odasaku’s stomach once more. Cheek turned slightly to feel muscle twitches and radiating thumps of his heart pumping blood through his organs. His eyes retrace Odasaku’s wearied expression. A good man forgives, and Odasaku was a good man. Better than Dazai could ever hope to be. There would be no situation in the entire world where Odasaku would not have stopped Dazai from chasing revenge. He would have stalled him, stopped him, helped him. Dazai was not a man of righteousness or selfless acts of kindness. He was not the type to see pain and reach out to help. Instead he allowed his friends to blindly go and rely on their own skill, much like Dazai relied on his own skill to keep him alive (ironic). Dazai was not a good friend to Odasaku. He was not a good man; he was not a good person (or a person at all). Bred into darkness with sadism threaded in his blood. Their friendship was neither fate nor chance it was a fluke in every way possible. Blossoming only to wither and die on the vine. Had he chosen to follow instead of retreat they could have ended their lives together, but even the thought of lying with Odasaku in death’s grip did not sit well in his stomach. Self-sacrifice was not in Dazai’s nature either. Born to play puppet master in a devil’s playground. What else could he possibly offer Odasaku? He was never bothered by it all. By the radiating sadistic nature in which Dazai performed. The Spartan-like training Dazai heaved at his subordinates and their casual disposal when their talents never came to fruition. Friendship was unethical, but the truest form of care. Or, what Dazai presumed was the care from one human to another. A gentle breeze following a storm; a radiant glow of new life forming after a fire destroys an entire acre of land. Perhaps this mixture of the two of them sought to balance out the roles of their paths; but all that seemed entirely too simple of an explanation. No, Dazai thinks, there is nothing deeper than the random encounter of two men finding themselves in the same place at the same time. Then why did it feel like a hundred knives were plummeting into Dazai’s chest at the thought of never meeting Odasaku? The image of him writing Dazai off as an annoying, pessimistic devil built for nothing but destruction? King of death, ruler of Yokohama’s underworld. He did not rightfully merit Odasaku’s unfathomable devotion. Wandering aimlessly to the void of nothing, searching for any retched sliver of something to grasp, only for it to be pulled from him the moment he discovers its worth. This was the end he’d always seen, always experience. He deserved it; but Odasaku did not deserve this ending. Pained sobs clog up his chest. Teeth burrow to the bottom of his lip and tear open old scars from hours before. A mess of exhaustion and turmoil Dazai flattens his face against the blanket and bites at his lip. His toes curl inside his shoes as every muscle contracts. Exhaustion tapers off to vehemence. Teeth grind hard enough to crack. The barrel of his gun is beginning to look extremely appetizing. Odasaku begins to cough. The tube down his throat chokes him; Dazai freezes. A world stuck in slow motion abruptly speeds up. Dazai feels dizzy as he stumbles from the chair to press the button to call a nurse. They swarm him. Without realizing Dazai walks backwards towards the window, the chair he’d been residing in for a day left on its side near the doorway. Saliva drips from the clear tube as it’s pulled from Odasaku’s throat. Silence is broken by questions and strained coughs. Nurses move like ethereal beings leaving trails of their existence like blurred starlight. Dazai sinks to his knees. The door shuts behind the last nurse as she reminds Odasaku to rest. Bandages cover his upper half and wrap lazily down his right arm. A new scar buried under stitches sits on his left cheek. Odasaku’s eyes are hauntingly empty. For once Dazai is hyperaware of the sound of his own breathing. Like a child discovering movement Odasaku experimentally wiggles his fingers. His eyes roam over his legs; Dazai swallows a lump in his throat and averts his eyes to the clock hanging on the wall. Four am. Odasaku peers at Dazai as if he’s trying to reconstruct him from the ground up. Piece by piece memories reconnect like building blocks. Dazai watches the way his eyes grow from grey, hollowed ashes to burning whips of emotion. Odasaku’s back straightens. Dazai can’t figure out how to move back to his feet. Hidden instinct forces Dazai to reach his hand forward though the distance between them leaves nothing but space for his fingers to touch. Shadows blindly run over Odasaku’s face leaving slivers of fading moonlight striped down his torso from the blinds. His eyes bore into Dazai’s but he’s looking passed him, at something, at nothing. His voice is heavy and raw, it scrapes over Dazai’s ears. “You should have let me die.”

#odazai #Oda Sakunosuke #dazai osamu #bsd #bungou stray dogs #odazai fic #odazai angst #i rise from the grave to bring y'all this new series #whoops #my writing #SIAP #bsd fanfic #odasaku #dazai #dazai and the dark era #platonic odazai #SO MUCH ANGST BYE

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wolfgoddess77 · 8 years ago

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Temptation of the Moon

Kingdom Hearts Saix/Reader

Word count: 17,341

Rating: Explicit (NSFW)

Summary: An offhand comment from Larxene plants the notion in your head to pursue the cold Luna Diviner, but he has other plans.

(Originally posted on Archive of Our Own.)

Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts or any related characters, nor do I own you. No money is made from the writing of this story.

Saix was in the Addled Impasse, gazing at the glow of Kingdom Hearts through the large windows. He was as close as he ever got to relaxing when the Dusk scurried up to him. It paused a short distance away, its body almost seeming to float as it stood on its spindly legs, watching him. He turned his head to look at it, and the message it had brought to him was sent into his mind. It was a bit disconcerting to some, how the Dusks communicated; they were intelligent enough to act as emissaries, as long it wasn’t overly complicated. But the way they spoke…their words were transmitted directly into the mind of the one they were speaking to. For Saix, though, it had never bothered him.

“A summons?” It had been a while since the Superior had called a meeting; something must have happened. He turned to face the creature. “Message received. You may go.” The Dusk turned, half-hovering its way out of the room. When it was gone, he called forth a Corridor of Darkness, and the black tendrils swallowed him up, bringing him to the room known as Where Nothing Gathers. A circle of tall, throne-like chairs were placed in a ring around a raised dais, and as the portal deposited him in the seat that had been assigned to him, he realized that all but one of the others were empty. Not a meeting, then. A summons specifically for him.

To his right, seated in the highest chair, was Xemnas, the leader of the Organization. As Saix appeared, he turned his head, and amber met gold as their gazes met. The silver-haired man didn’t waste any time explaining why he had asked for his second-in-command. “A new Nobody has been born in the town once known as Radiant Garden,” he said. “You are to go and retrieve her.” Something that could never be explained about Xemnas was that he always seemed to know immediately when a Nobody appeared in one of the worlds. Whether he had Dusks out on constant reconnaissance, or if he had some kind of sixth sense that none of the others possessed, it never failed that he was aware of their presence very quickly after their birth. He always sent someone out to collect them, and bring them into the fold. It seemed that Saix’s turn had finally come for retrieval.

His eyes narrowed. “Radiant Garden… That town seems to be a cursed place for Nobodies.”

At his words, Xemnas gave a humorless chuckle. “Cursed or not, it has provided us with another member. It’s been quite useful in that aspect. For that, at least, we should be grateful.” He waved one arm. “You’re dismissed.”

Closing his eyes, Saix pulled his hood up over his head, and vanished in a swirl of black light. Within moments, he found himself standing in the center of the town that had become Hollow Bastion. He looked around, taking in the dilapidated surroundings. For a moment, he almost felt a twinge of pity. This place had been lovely once, but that was a long time ago, in another life. “Now look what’s become of it,” he murmured to himself.

Turning, he began to walk through the winding streets, searching for any sign of the newest Organization member. As he walked, he couldn’t help but think of how the town had once looked, back before the buildings had fallen into disrepair, and the walls had crumbled. He could still recall his former life, when he was complete, but this place no longer meant anything to him. Sentimentality was wasted on a Nobody, even if he couldn’t stop the memories from resurfacing every now and then.

As he explored the town, the minutes dragged on, turning into one hour, then two. He was running out of places to search, and still, he had found nothing. It was after dark, so most of the denizens of the town were in their homes, and the only thing roaming the streets was the occasional stray Heartless, which were easily dispatched. But Xemnas had never been wrong before; there was a Nobody here…somewhere.

Finally, he came to the outskirts of the town, which overlooked a deep ravine. It was the one place he hadn’t searched yet. “I wonder…” The only living beings to be found there were the creatures that spawned from the darkness, but if anyone was to lose their heart, it might be somewhere like that.

Saix walked down the sloping pathway that led down into the ravine, his golden eyes scanning the barren landscape. Finally, his gaze landed on your still form. You were curled up at the base of one of the cliffs, and based on your position, you hadn’t gotten there just by walking. Making his way over to you, he knelt down at your side, pushing his hood back off of his head. He reached out, carefully turning you onto your back. You were breathing, but unconscious. “How did you survive the fall from the cliff?” he asked, even knowing that you wouldn’t be able to hear him. Sliding an arm beneath your shoulders, he lifted you up to get a better look at you. Apart from some particles of dust that clung to you in places, there were no scrapes or bruises…no wounds at all. Your bones should have been shattered from the impact of the landing, but you were completely unharmed. Which meant… “You didn’t survive it, did you? Your whole self was lost before you fell, and you were born here, in the canyon.”

Ironic that the attack that had fractured you had actually saved you from what would have been a painful death.

He shook you lightly in an attempt to rouse you, but your eyes never opened. That was strange. Was it possible that you were damaged internally, and he just couldn’t see it? No, he didn’t think that was the case. Your breathing was too regular, and your color was good. In fact, you seemed perfectly healthy, except for the fact that you wouldn’t wake. Xemnas wasn’t going to like this… But he would take you back to The Castle That Never Was, regardless.

Picking you up, he summoned a Corridor, stepping through it and emerging in the middle of the dais that stood within the circle of seats. Xemnas had abandoned his own chair, and was now standing at the base, waiting for the two of you to return.

The Superior stepped forward as Saix materialized, his amber gaze turning to you. Reaching out, he turned your face towards him, studying it. “Has she been like this the entire time?” he questioned.

“Yes, sir. I tried to wake her, but it didn’t work. I thought at first that she might be injured, but there’s not a mark on her.”

Xemnas was silent for a moment, thinking. “Take her to an empty room. Perhaps Vexen can tell us what keeps her unconscious.”

Saix nodded and turned away, carrying you through the dark halls of the Castle. At last, he came to a bedroom that wasn’t currently in use, and brought you inside, laying you down on the bed. He had just put you down when a Corridor materialized in the corner, and out stepped the Organization’s Number IV, Vexen. Xemnas was close behind him.

“So this is our newest member? Larxene will be thrilled to not be the only female any longer. But let me see…” The blond moved over to you, bending forward. He placed two fingers against your neck, feeling for the artery beneath the skin. “Her pulse is regular.” Quickly, he performed a cursory examination, checking your pupils and searching for any broken bones. He straightened, frowning as he finished. “The girl is healthy,” he told them. “As far as I can tell, her mind and body are in shock from losing her heart. I see no reason why she won’t wake soon enough.” He gave a light pinch to your arm, and the muscle beneath tightened. “You see? She responds to painful stimuli. It’s only a matter of time.”

Xemnas nodded. “You may go, Vexen.” The emerald-eyed man turned, summoning a Corridor and disappearing into it. Xemnas soon left as well, going out into the hall and leaving Saix alone in the room with you.

The Luna Diviner’s eyes lingered on you for a moment before he followed the other man into the hallway. At last, they had found a new Nobody to join their ranks.

As luck would have it, Vexen was indeed right; two days later, you awoke, beginning your new life as a member of the Organization.

You were stretched out on one of the couches in The Grey Area when Larxene found you. She sat down beside you with a sigh, crossing one leg over the other and smoothing back her short blonde hair. “All of these missions are tiring me out,” she said, more to herself than to you. “After a while, I thought they might slow down, but it’s been the opposite. I don’t get what the big rush is. It’s going to take a long time for Kingdom Hearts to be finished, and sending us out on missions won’t make that happen any faster. None of us can even collect hearts, anyway.”

Turning your head to look at her, you sat upright. “Bad day?” Larxene had always been one of the most vocal members of the Organization when it came to voicing her displeasure about something, but you had to admit, she had a point. Where before, you would have three or four days that passed between missions, but now, barely more than a single day would go by before you were sent out again. You couldn’t say that you were as upset about this as she seemed to be; there were very few things to do in The Castle That Never Was, and at least on missions, you always had something to occupy your time.

“Saix never lets me have any fun when we’re sent out together. He’s not a good conversationalist, either; most of the time, he won’t even say anything when I try to talk to him. All he does is mope around and stare at that beloved moon of his. He really needs to loosen up.” She fell silent, closing her eyes for several long moments. At last, she opened them again, and cast you a sideways glance. There was something decidedly sly about the way she was looking at you, and you weren’t sure that you liked it. “I wonder… Do you think there might be a way to help him relax?”

You met her gaze almost sternly. “What are you saying, Larxene?”

She waved one hand nonchalantly. “Nothing at all! I just thought, if he was able to relieve some stress, he might be willing to talk to our leader about giving us a bit of a break. It’s worth a shot, don’t you think? He’s handsome enough, even though he’s a little cold. But maybe all it would take is a little nudge in the right direction to get him to open up, and I think you’re just the right girl for the job.”

Unable to come up with a response to this, you simply blinked at her. You couldn’t believe what you were hearing. Larxene had a devious side that she liked to take advantage of every now and then, but she had never come up with anything quite like this before. Before you could say anything, she continued.

“I’m not saying you have to do anything, of course. It’s just a suggestion. But you might enjoy it, too.”

“I think that would be a very bad idea. Saix doesn’t seem like the type to tolerate something like that. You said he was cold, but he’s also…unpredictable. If I did something that he didn’t like – which could be anything – I might not walk away from it alive. I’m not sure that’s a risk I’m willing to take.”

Despite your words, though, you couldn’t deny that her words had a certain appeal. The Luna Diviner was almost as much of a mystery as Xemnas, the Organization’s leader, and quite possibly every bit as dangerous. For a long time now, you had wanted to try to get to know him better, but you had finally come to the conclusion that such a thing was impossible. More than once, you had attempted the same thing Larxene had, and tried to coax the golden-eyed man into talking, with miserable results. Then again, you hadn’t tried all that hard, not knowing what he might do if you ended up annoying him. So it was possible that he would eventually respond, if you just tried hard enough.

Larxene’s eyes narrowed as she watched you; she could see the thoughtful expression on your face, and she knew that you were thinking about what she had said. “Anyway, I’ll leave the details up to you. Give it some thought.” The tendrils of a Corridor of Darkness swirled up around her, and you heard her laugh impishly as she disappeared.

You lay back on the couch, your mind whirling with the implications of what Larxene had just proposed. Seducing Saix… Was such a thing even possible? In the time that you had known him, you had never seen him show any interest in anything except Kingdom Hearts. Still, you found that you wanted to try. You didn’t really care about the agenda that Larxene seemed to be following; you could turn her suggestion to your own interests.

The problem was, you didn’t know how to go about doing something like this. You couldn’t just come right out and say that you were interested in him, but you didn’t know if you were capable of doing this slowly and subtly. It might take weeks before you ever got any kind of a result, and you didn’t want to wait that long. You would have to wait for the perfect opportunity to present itself, and then take it.

Unfortunately, that opportunity didn’t happen until almost a week later. Saix rarely assigned himself to missions, choosing instead to focus on the administrative side of things, rather than taking action himself. You had almost been convinced that you would have to catch him at a time when he wasn’t busy with his responsibilities.

You had just woken up from a nap when you discovered that luck had apparently decided to have mercy on you. You’d had a tiring couple of days; this particularly long mission had lasted more than thirty-six hours, and you hadn’t returned until after nightfall. Of course, the sky was always dark in The City That Never Was, so it was impossible to tell whether it was actually day or night, but by the time you had finally stumbled back into the Castle, you had been ready to collapse. You had barely made it back to your room before exhaustion claimed you, and you fell asleep.

Only a few hours passed before you awoke again, feeling a bit better. You made your way to The Grey Area, expecting to find it empty, given the late hour, but to your surprise, Saix was standing in his customary place in front of the tall windows. He turned as you entered the room, and gestured to you.

Arching one eyebrow curiously, you crossed the room, coming to a stop in front of him. “What are you doing here so late?” you asked.

“I was waiting for you. We have a mission,” he replied.

“We?” you repeated. This threw you. From the day you had been inducted into the Organization, you had never once been sent on a mission with Saix. Now that you thought about it, you weren’t sure that you had ever seen him leave The World That Never Was. Granted, there were periods where he disappeared for long stretches of time, and you didn’t know where he went then; was he just in a different part of the Castle, or was he somewhere else altogether?

“There has been movement outside the town of Hollow Bastion, and Superior has instructed me to gather intelligence. I decided to bring you with me, given your mission success rate.” While it was true that you weren’t the best at reconnaissance – that title belonged to Xigbar – you thought you were decent enough at it, and you were a bit flattered that Saix had chosen you. Then again, you knew that it was probably only because the Freeshooter was currently out on another mission. But you weren’t insulted by this. Xigbar was better at it than you, and that was a fact. Why send someone less adept when the master could go, instead?

But you couldn’t stop your brow from furrowing. Hollow Bastion… Why did you have to be sent there, of all places?

Saix continued speaking, pulling you out of your thoughts. “Are you prepared to leave?”

That explained why you were being sent out so late at night. With your black coats, you were less likely to be noticed. “Yes; let’s go,” you told him.

With a single nod, he reached up, pulling his hood over his head, and you followed suit. A Corridor of Darkness sprang into existence at your side, and Saix disappeared into it. You hesitated for a moment, then allowed yourself to be engulfed by the dark portal, which would take you to your destination.

It took only a moment before you stepped out of the Corridor, looking around you. It had taken you outside of the town, and placed you at the base of one of the ruined walls. Leading away from you was a kind of path that would take you into the dark canyon that surrounded the foreboding castle in the distance. To either side of the path were high ledges of rock. This was where Saix now headed, as you followed him out of the portal. As you walked, a cold wind whipped up around you, threatening to tug the hood down off your head. You had to reach up quickly and grab the edge of it to keep it in place.

A shiver went through you that was only partially caused by the freezing gust. This town always made you uncomfortable. It was the place you had originated from, before you became a Nobody. Seeing the once-familiar haunts through the eyes of an outsider was something you would have rather avoided. But the Superior’s words were absolute; you just had to endure it for a few hours, and then you could return home. Odd, that this town was no longer home to you.

Your eyes fixed on the closest ledge that overlooked the canyon, and you came to a stop. A strange tightness appeared in your chest, twisting almost painfully. It was here. This was where…

When he didn’t hear your footsteps behind him, Saix turned to look at you, and dimly, you thought you could see the gleam of his golden eyes within the depths of the hood. “Come; I don’t want to waste any time.”

You didn’t move, nor did you even seem to hear his voice. One hand came up, and you curled your fingers into the front of your coat, holding the fabric tightly. When you had been sent on assignment to this world before, it had always been in the town itself. You had never been to the castle, though you had occasionally glimpsed it from a distance. It was the first time you had been confronted with this particular place since you had become a Nobody.

“(Name).” Saix spoke sharply, making you jump as your attention was drawn back to him.

“What…? I’m sorry; I just… I don’t like this place. It reminds me of…things that aren’t mine anymore.” You tilted your head back, looking up at the sky. Although The City That Never Was was always cloaked in darkness, it was night here as well, as you had thought it would be. Reconnaissance missions were almost always carried out after dark, when it was easier to blend in. The skies were clear, letting you see the thousands of pinpricks of light that blazed overhead. In other circumstances, despite the barren land around you, this could almost be called romantic. Just the two of you out here beneath the stars… Except you were on assignment in a place that made you very uncomfortable, and you were half-convinced the man you were with was actually frigid. He certainly behaved like that a lot of the time.

“It’s just a place,” he replied. “It should have no power over you.”

Another strong gust whipped around you, and you shivered in response. In slight annoyance, you noticed that Saix didn’t so much as twitch. Of course he would be unaffected… Even though the material of your coat, you could feel the nip in the air, and the wind just made it that much colder. Lowering your head to keep the gale from tearing your hood off, you wrapped your arms around yourself, running your hands over them in an attempt to keep warm.

“Hasn’t that ever happened to you before?” you asked, hoping to gain some insight into whether what you were feeling had ever happened to someone else. Surely it had… “You experience something that awakens a feeling, or a memory?”

“We all have those memories; fragments of the lives we had when we were whole. But that is no longer who we are. Those lives and memories belonged to others. We have no need of them.”

Your brow furrowed in confusion, and you raised your head to look at him. His words weren’t making any sense. “What? But…we’re trying to create Kingdom Hearts, specifically so that we can have our own hearts returned to us. How can you say that we have no need of those memories and feelings?”

“As Nobodies, what we feel isn’t real. They’re simply echoes of those emotions we once had. They’re false, and as such, useless. Only when we have our hearts back will feelings once again have meaning. Now come; we have work to do.”

You opened your mouth to reply, then closed it again, realizing that you actually didn’t have a response to this. Even though you weren’t sure that you agreed with what he was saying, you could understand where he was coming from. It was also a possible explanation for why he was so cold all the time. If he thought that the memories of his emotions were useless since they weren’t actually real, it came as no surprise that he chose to suppress them. He hadn’t been able to do it completely, though. You still occasionally saw glimpses of them, especially when he lost his temper.

Finally, you stepped forward, moving to his side, and as you did, he opened another Corridor, disappearing into it. When you followed, you were transported to the castle you had been sent here to explore. The first thing you noticed was that you had been deposited on the outside of the structure, rather than within. Odd choice; did Saix do that on purpose, or was there something preventing him from going inside? It wasn’t impossible to summon a Corridor to a place that had never been seen before, just difficult; it could be done, with enough concentration. But neither of you knew what the interior looked like, and he probably didn’t want to take the chance that he would step out of it and find himself in the middle of a group of enemies.

The second thing you noticed was that there was a massive Heartless symbol decorating the front, over the main doors. How interesting…

“What do you make of that?” Saix asked, noting where you were looking. He probably had his own theories about what it meant, and wanted to see if you came to the same conclusions.

“The Heartless aren’t even close to intelligent enough to have anything to do with the creation of this place. But I don’t think it’s just coincidence.” You looked over at him, even though you couldn’t see his face, as it was still hidden within the hood of his coat. “Do you think it’s possible that whoever made this place has something to do with the Heartless? Is that even possible?” The Heartless were born from the darkness in people’s hearts, and created more by stealing those hearts, turning the people they took them from into more of their own kind. Could such creatures be controlled? What would it take to be able to do something like that?

Saix gave a soft hum, looking back up at the emblem. “I wonder…” Moving over to the large doors, he ran one gloved hand over them almost thoughtfully.

“Are we going inside?” you questioned. You had to admit, you were curious about what might be hidden inside. However much you might learn from out here, the real knowledge had to be locked behind those doors.

“No. We’re taking enough of a risk just being this close. Sending Dusks would have been the safer option, but I preferred to do it myself. Perhaps we’ll return in the future; for now, the exterior will give us enough information. We may find out things that will benefit us in later missions.”

You couldn’t help but narrow your eyes as you listened to him. A thought tugged at the back of your mind; it sounded like Saix knew something about this place. Whatever knowledge he may have had, though, he probably wasn’t going to share it with you. He had already spoken more than you thought he would, in any case. Not that you were complaining; you liked hearing him talk, rare as it was. His quiet voice was smooth and pleasant to listen to. Curious as you were, you would let him keep his secrets, so as not to risk him going silent again.

“How do you want to do this?” you asked instead. “The castle doesn’t seem to be too big, so we could probably cover everything even if we didn’t split up, but if we went separate ways, we could finish our assignment faster. The downside to that is, we’re twice as likely to be noticed.”

Saix’s hooded head tilted slightly to the side as he regarded you. “You’ve learned a lot from missions with Xigbar, I see.” Even though the Freeshooter was quite possibly the most friendly Nobody, he had never seemed very interested in teaching anyone else unless he was specifically ordered to. Then again, Saix had noticed that you’d forged something of a friendship with the Organization’s Number II, so perhaps that was why the yellow-eyed man had taken you under his wing and taught you how to best carry out stealth missions. Whatever his reasons behind it, Xigbar seemed to have been a good teacher.

You smiled, pleased by his (possibly unintentional) compliment. “I just want to make sure that I’m useful,” you told him. “I’m not a Keyblade wielder; I can’t collect hearts, so I had to make up for that in other ways.”

The Luna Diviner was silent for a moment. “You need not worry; the Organization will always have a use for those who are loyal.” Without further explanation, he turned away, walking parallel to the castle walls. “We’ll part ways. Explore the exterior as thoroughly as you can, then return here when you can go no farther. Kill any Heartless you encounter; if you don’t, they may report back to the master of this castle.”

You nodded; it felt like he was giving you another mission. He had always been the one to assign them, and you had become so used to this that you didn’t even think to question why he was instructing you further on what you should do. It seemed that he was of the same mindset; the orders came so naturally to him; he didn’t hesitate in giving them any more than you had in accepting them.

The two of you turned, setting off in opposite directions. From where you were, it was impossible to tell just how far this balcony extended around the castle; it was possible that you would find yourself meeting up with Saix again behind it. As you walked, you took note of the details of the structure’s design. The stone blocks had been kept clean, telling you that this place was certainly inhabited, even though you hadn’t seen any traces of anyone living.

But parts of it seemed to be built haphazardly; you could see what looked like copper pipes tucked away into corners, crawling up the walls. There also didn’t seem to be any symmetry to anything; some parts of the balcony were much larger than the others, and there were several different levels. What was more, some parts of the walkway were completely disconnected from the others, and you had to open a Corridor to get across them. There was probably another way, but you didn’t want to poke around and risk alerting anyone inside to your presence.

You had just entered one of the wider sections when you heard the sound of a portal opening, but it wasn’t the type that you and the other Nobodies utilized; this was a Heartless. Raising one arm, you narrowed your eyes. Black and white thornlike tendrils wrapped around your hand, manifesting themselves into a coiled black whip; your weapon, Fading Corrosion. You snapped it sharply, and it extended to its full length, more than twice your height.

Spinning around, you sent it lashing out, and as it sang through the air, it split into nine separate sections. Tiny black particles rose from its surface, disintegrating into thin air. The pieces smashed into the small group of Shadows that had appeared, cutting through them. The wounds began to writhe, and the edges crumbled away. Within moments, the Heartless were gone.

“Shadows?” Why had they sent the most low-level Heartless after you? You looked around, making sure that you hadn’t overlooked anything. These small creatures were completely expendable, so it was possible that they were just a diversion, keeping your attention away from something more important. But you saw nothing else.

One thing you had to admit, since this particular breed of Heartless was so weak, it took next to no effort to dispose of them. Your ability tore through them like wet paper. Your power was that of disintegration; the whip opened up deep wounds that would rot away the flesh of whatever it touched, causing them to dissolve into nothing. The stronger the Heartless, the more injuries it took to fully destroy them, and it was less effective on other beings, but it would still get the job done.

When you were sure that you were alone, you coiled your weapon back into a neat circle, and continued your exploration. You encountered a door, but remembering Saix’s words, you decided against seeing where it led, though you were sorely tempted. As you continued further along the pathway, several more groups of Heartless appeared, and you had to move quickly to ensure that none of them managed to escape, and find their way back to their master.

It was strange, though… This place had little to no security; even the Heartless were garden-variety, rather than the stronger types that would have proved to be a challenge. Nor were there any traps that might have prevented anyone from getting inside. Something wasn’t right here.

A sudden sound behind you made you whirl around, Fading Corrosion automatically lashing out to strike at whoever – or whatever – was behind you. You came face to face with a giant Heartless, its slanted eyes gazing at you malevolently. Its black body looked like a ragged, inverted teardrop, and it had two crooked horns curving back over its head.

So much for not running into any of the more powerful ones…

You had only a few seconds to take all of this in before the tendrils of your whip smashed into its side, carving out deep furrows. Its body trembled, and you thought you could see it pulsing. Too late, you realized what was happening. Your eyes widened, and you had only a split second to cross your arms protectively over your body. There wasn’t even time to open a Corridor, which might have saved you from the explosion.

The resulting shockwave knocked you off your feet, pushing you over the edge of the walkway you were standing on. You felt the sleeves of your coat beginning to disintegrate from the heat, but luckily, the material protected you from the worst of it. Your chest constricted in panic as you fell over the side; the ground was so far away; you didn’t know if you would be able to survive the landing.

You had experienced this before, some time ago. You remembered almost nothing of actually becoming a Nobody, but one of your last memories of being whole was the sensation of falling, and your entire body had been enveloped by a painful burning that had seemed to come from within your very core. Were you destined to repeat that fate?

No, there was still a way out of this.

Releasing Fading Corrosion, you twisted your body so that you were facing the rapidly-approaching ground. You flung your arms out in front of you, and a swirling portal appeared. The tendrils seemed to reach out to you, and you fell into their embrace as the darkness swallowed you up.

On the opposite side the castle, Saix heard the explosion, and turned just in time to see the Heartless self-destruct. On the edge of the blast, he saw you get thrown back, bringing your arms up to shield yourself. He watched in what seemed like slow motion as you fell over the edge, disappearing from sight. The last thing he saw in the lingering light of the explosion was your weapon disappearing from existence as you let go of it, and then the castle walls blocked you from view.

He summoned a Corridor of his own, reappearing where you had fallen, and looking over the edge. There was no sign of you anywhere below. The canyon floor was lost in shadow, so he couldn’t be sure if you were actually down there or not. Clad in your black coat, you would have been completely invisible.

But he wasn’t so sure you had actually reached the bottom. A Heartless of that size was dangerous, to be sure, but it shouldn’t have been enough to do any lasting damage. The only way that it would pose a serious threat would be if the concussion wave from the detonation had knocked you unconscious. If it had, then it was possible you had been lost.

The Luna Diviner’s golden eyes narrowed. The Superior was not going to be pleased with this development. He paused, debating. If you had indeed been killed by the fall, there would be little point in going to look for you. Your body would have faded away as your life fled. But on the other hand, you might still be alive, and gravely injured. It could be worth having a look, to be sure…

Just when he was about to make up his mind, you appeared behind him, stumbling out of the portal and collapsing against the wall. Your hood had fallen from your head, revealing your singed face, and the sleeves of your coat were tattered, as were your gloves. Apart from that, though, you seemed to be more or less unharmed. You could see very little at the moment, thanks to the blindingly white light of the explosion, and your ears were ringing. Everything from your shoulders down ached from when you had shielded yourself, but nothing was broken. Just very, very tender.

Your head raised as you heard the swishing of a coat, and the soft chiming of the metal decorations on the front of Saix’s coat. This startled you; he had been on the other side of the castle; he must have seen the Heartless detonate and come to find out what had happened.

He knelt down in front of you, taking your chin between his thumb and forefinger and tilting your head back so he could look at your face. Your eyes were turned in his direction, but they were unfocused. “Can you not see?” he questioned.

“Only a little around the edges, and it’s blurry. Everything else is dark. That thing went off right in my face; I was looking directly at it. But it’s starting to fade some.” You could see his outline, where you hadn’t been able to before, and you followed the movement of his arm as he lowered it, his hand closing around your wrist. Before you could say anything, he had pulled you to your feet, making you wince.

“We must leave. Whoever is inside of this castle undoubtedly heard what just happened, and may come to investigate. But…this could still benefit us. We can watch from a distance, and see who comes through those doors.”

A Corridor enveloped the both of you, depositing you back on the precipice where you had been before. Saix released your wrist, sitting down on the edge and crossing one leg over the other. “Go back to the Castle,” he instructed you. “We have completed our mission, but I want to see if I can find out anything more. Your sight hasn’t completely returned, so you can do little from here on out.”

“No,” you said. “This is my mission, too. If you’re staying, so am I.” It was the first time you had ever defied him, and through your darkened eyes, you saw him stiffen and turn his head just enough to be able to see you. You had more than one reason for doing this; not only did you dislike the idea of finishing your mission without any kind of sense of completion, you also felt a bit vulnerable while your vision was still damaged. Being close to him somehow made you feel a little better.

Slowly, you sat down behind him, your right arm just barely touching his broad back. This little bit of contact made you feel steadier. “I don’t know if you picked up on it or not, but something was strange about that castle,” you said after a moment. “Apart from those Heartless, it seemed to be entirely unguarded. And we were a lot stronger than anything they threw at us. It was almost like…they didn’t care that we were even there. Maybe it was just that they didn’t know about us, but you’d think they would still have some kind of defenses, just in case.”

“I noticed that as well. Either what lies beyond those doors is not important enough to be worth protecting, or they believe that no one will be able to reach it. I saw no path to the castle; without our Corridors of Darkness, we might not have been able to get there ourselves.”

A faint shudder went through you, and you unconsciously leaned just a little harder against him. Your Corridors… That ability had saved your life. “They’re very helpful,” you said at last. “If it hadn’t been for them…” Your voice grew very quiet and distant. “That’s happened to me before, I think. Falling like that…”

“Yes,” Saix agreed, startling you. “It’s no wonder such a thing would awaken a similar memory within you. By the time I found you in the canyon below, your heart had already been lost, and you were unresponsive. But based on where you were, it looked like you had fallen from the cliff. I took you back to the Castle, where you slept for two days. But you remember nothing of this, do you?”

Your eyes had widened as you absorbed this new information. “You were the one who found me?”

“Yes. Superior sensed that a new Nobody had been born in this town, and he dispatched me. It took some time to find you, though. I assumed you were in the town itself, not outside of it. But there you were, at the base of this very ledge.”

At this you were silent, thinking over what he had just told you. “I never knew,” you said at last. “I remember a lot of my life from when I was whole, but then everything stops here. I was cornered by a group of Heartless, and then…nothing, until I woke up in the Castle.” You pulled yourself closer to his side, looking up at him. Hesitantly, you reached out, pushing his hood down from his head so you could see his face. “What about you? Do you…remember what it was like when you became a Nobody?”

He looked at you closely; your gaze was much more focused now, telling him that your vision was returning. “What I remember is irrelevant. You said this place reminds you of things that are no longer yours; the same is true of this. Everything we feel and remember belongs to other people. You are too attached to your lost past. Is it truly so precious to you?”

“If it wasn’t important, we wouldn’t be working so hard to create Kingdom Hearts,” you pointed out. “You said that what we feel is fake, but they’re the memories of what we could experience when we were whole. They might only be remnants, but they’re still real. They were once real. And anything that can make us feel something should be precious.”

“A Nobody’s existence is an empty one, and something you must come to accept. Until Kingdom Hearts is finished, you will feel nothing. Pretend all you like, but your displays of emotion are simply that: displays.”

A hot burst of anger rushed through you, and you straightened, pulling yourself up onto your knees. “That’s not true! I’ve seen it; I’ve seen what happens when you lose your temper. And I know you can. Are you saying that’s fake, too?”

The faintest shadow of a smile curved Saix’s lips as he looked up at you. “Look at yourself. Getting this worked up over something so inconsequential. Why do my words anger you? If you didn’t believe them, they wouldn’t affect you like this.”

“I won’t believe…that what I feel isn’t real.” If you did, then you would also have to admit that the comfort you felt from being so close to him was also fake. He might have been cold, and almost always unapproachable, but for all of that, you still wanted to be near him. That couldn’t be false…right?

Summoning all of your courage, you reached out, placing a hand on the side of his face and turning it towards you. The other came up to rest on his shoulder, and you could feel the denseness of the muscles that lay beneath the fabric of the coat. Because the garment was so loose on him, you had never been able to get an accurate idea of just what he looked like without it. However, the ease with which he wielded his weapon, a massive claymore that looked like it weighed as much as you did – and one-handed, no less – spoke of immense strength. The solidness beneath your fingers just confirmed it. But it also made you nervous; he was much more powerful than you were, and he could probably snap you like a twig if he so chose.

“They’re not just displays,” you whispered. “These feelings…are real.” Before you could even think about what you were doing, you leaned forward, placing your mouth over his in a kiss. For several long seconds, Saix was unyielding against you. He didn’t move, nor did he return your kiss. Disappointment replaced the anger you were feeling, followed closely by humiliation. Of course he wouldn’t respond to you. Really, you hadn’t expected anything different.

Without pulling away, you summoned a Corridor of Darkness. Just as the black and blue tendrils began to wrap themselves around you, transporting you to a different location, you saw Saix raise his arms. You had only an instant to feel his fingers brush against your arms before you had disappeared. Not that it mattered; he was most likely going to push you away. You just beat him to it.

When you reappeared, you were back in your room in The Castle That Never Was. You were still on your knees, and you felt the lingering warmth of Saix’s body beneath your hands; against your lips. Struggling to your feet and moving over to your bed, you let your aching body collapse onto it. You knew that you still had to report to the Superior about the mission, but you couldn’t bring yourself to move just yet. Your bed was so soft. Besides, you knew that Saix would probably do it himself as soon as he returned; there was really no need for you to do it, especially if it meant that you ran the risk of encountering him.

What had you been thinking? Bad enough that you had put your caution aside and actually gotten close enough to touch him, but then you had completely lost your mind, and actually kissed him. But you hadn’t been able to help yourself. False or not, your emotions had gotten the better of you, and you had given in to the anger that his words had incited within you. The kiss had been so sudden that you hoped it would make him respond, perhaps awakening some latent emotions within him, as returning to this place had done for you. But you had been wrong. In trying to prove that the emotions you were feeling were actually real, you might have inadvertently done the exact opposite; at least in his case. He hadn’t even had the decency to kiss you back. That was what made you the most angry. You knew that it hadn’t simply been a matter of him being too surprised to react. He had chosen not to do anything.

What did that mean, exactly? Was he specifically not interested in you, or was he disinterested in general? It had been proven that he could feel things, so it stood to reason that he was also subject to arousal, especially since that was a normal reaction of the body, rather than an emotion. Then again, it was possible that, in suppressing his emotions, he had done away with everything else, too. There was still so much that you didn’t know about him that you couldn’t even begin to make an educated guess.

Things had been going so well, too, and now it had turned into a complete disaster that you didn’t know how to fix. You would have preferred to keep your distance from him, at least for a while, but that wasn’t an option. He was the one who gave out the mission orders, so you had no choice but to interact with him, or risk incurring the wrath of the Superior. Maybe the best option would simply be to…pretend that it had never happened. The more you thought about it, the more you came to the conclusion that Saix would probably be doing the same thing. Just put this entire failed attempt behind you, and never think of it again.

…if only it was that easy. That one kiss had made you want more, and you knew that every time you saw him, that would be what you thought about. But it wasn’t something you could do twice, no matter how much you might want to. Well, on the plus side, at least you had accomplished your mission, even if the attempt you’d made to prove something to the golden-eyed man had been nothing short of a failure. Surely that counted for something.

For the first time in a very long while, Saix found himself more than a little surprised. It happened so rarely that he had been half-convinced such a thing wasn’t even possible.

Because of his status as second-in-command, the other members almost always kept their distance from him, and remained respectful, at least in his presence. Xigbar was the only one who ever had the courage – or the foolishness – to be openly dismissive of his authority. But then he had gone on this mission with you, and everything he was used to had been turned on its head. When he had seen you fall over the edge of the castle’s balcony, he hadn’t known what to think. He knew that a Nobody couldn’t be killed that easily, so he wasn’t worried for your life. But at the same time, he hadn’t been able to stop himself from looking for you in the darkness of the canyon.

Upon seeing you rematerialize back up on the walkway, he had immediately noticed the state of your sleeves and gloves, and the singe marks on your face. More curiously, though, your eyes were blank and unfocused. That had puzzled him for a moment, but just before you explained why you couldn’t see, he had realized; the brightness of the explosion had done it. In the dark night, your pupils would have been dilated, and such a sudden, large amount of brilliant light would have blinded you at least for the next few minutes.

When he had returned to the outskirts of the deteriorated town with you, he’d received another surprise in the form of you sitting down against him. He didn’t know if it was your brush with death that had made you seek his closeness, or something else, but he allowed you to remain where you were, rather than getting up and relocating.

And that was when it happened. He had managed to make you angry, and inexplicably, you hadn’t argued back this time. Nor had you left, as he might have expected. Instead, you had done something that he never could have seen coming. You had kissed him. In retrospect, he saw why you had done it. Kisses were usually born of passion, and yours had certainly been filled with…something; proof that you could still feel. He had been trying to sort through the separate emotions that you had put into it, and was just starting to respond when you had abruptly summoned a Corridor, vanishing into the swirling tendrils and leaving him alone, attempting to grasp thin air.

Saix looked down at his hands, realizing that he had reached out for you without thinking. It had been automatic, and he only noticed it when his fingers had closed on nothing, rather than your smaller frame. That was interesting. What had caused him to do something like that? Emotions or not, he could still want things, and in that moment, he had wanted…

This would have to be explored further. But it would also have to be done very carefully. If he went about it the wrong way, or was too forceful, he might end up scaring you off, and that had to be avoided. One of the problems was that he didn’t know what exactly it was you wanted. If you were looking for something meaningful, he couldn’t provide that. Not while he was still a Nobody. The two of you had only met each other after you had lost your hearts, and that made a big difference.

Still, there was an idea forming in the back of his mind. Even though you weren’t aware of it, your kiss had awakened something within him, and he fully intended to take advantage of it soon enough. It was like a switch had been flipped. Usually, his mind was consumed by thoughts of Kingdom Hearts, and the desire to finish it, so he could be whole once more. But now, other thoughts had intruded. Images of you, stretched out beneath him, his name on your lips as you were brought to the height of pleasure at his hand. What did you look like under that coat, he wondered? What would your voice sound like, drawn out in a moan? What would you feel like, when he was buried deeply in your warmth? A faint smile came to his face. This could turn out in his favor after all, if done correctly. It all depended on you.

Slowly, he stood up. The structure that now stood in the distance had been still ever since the two of you had left it. If anyone was going to come to investigate the explosion caused by the Heartless, they would have done it by now. He had learned enough to call the mission a success, so he could return to The Castle That Never Was and report his findings to the Superior.

As he turned, swirling black tendrils enveloped him, and he disappeared from Hollow Bastion in the blink of an eye.

The following night, you walked down the hallways of The Castle That Never Was, yawning. It had been a long day, and you were tired. As you reached the door to your room and went inside, you saw something lying on your bed. It looked like a small piece of paper, folded into a neat square. Curiously, you crossed the room and picked it up. When you unfolded it, you saw a single sentence, written in elegant, flowing handwriting. Come to the Addled Impasse precisely at midnight.

You felt your breath catch in your throat as nervousness gripped you. There was no doubt in your mind about who the sender was. Only one Nobody frequented that particular room, and that knowledge, combined with the rather formal words used in the note gave it away. You had managed to keep your distance from him in the past twenty-four hours, though you knew that couldn’t last. Soon, you would have to face him, to receive a new mission. You had been lucky that you hadn’t already received one.

Not enough time had passed for you to be comfortable facing Saix again. The embarrassment of what you had done still hung over you like a dark cloud, and though you knew it was too early for what had happened to be forgotten, that didn’t stop you from hoping.

Then the note had shown up, dashing your wish that your foolish decision had been left in the past, never to be brought up again.

It surprised you a bit that he had waited an entire day to say something. He’d had every opportunity to do so; you hadn’t been sent on a mission that day, leaving you free for hours, yet you hadn’t caught so much as a glimpse of him since you had left him on the ledge the night before. And at last, this was how he had chosen to contact you? You had never thought the Luna Diviner would be the type to steal into your bedroom and leave you a note. He seemed more likely to simply hunt you down and make you tell him what he wanted to know. Then again, perhaps the past day hadn’t been an accident. He was a patient man, and he probably knew that the longer he waited before speaking with you, the more your anxiety would grow. Now, thanks to your mission with him, you had opened yourself up to those kinds of mental attacks, something you hadn’t intended to do. Your chaotic emotions had revealed a weakness to him; he had likely realized that he could exploit that, if he so chose.

And he was right. Those who had emotions were vulnerable to having them used against their owners, manipulated to suit someone else’s goals. You were no exception, and Saix was a master at that particular ability. When you had first began to think about the suggestion that Larxene had given you, you had tried to convince yourself that it was nothing more than an experiment, to see if you could get him to respond to you. You had always been attracted to the golden-eyed man, after all. If your attempt had actually worked, well… You certainly wouldn’t have complained about that. But after that conversation with him, you had to admit that it went deeper than that now. He was one of the only ones who could make you react the way you did. It was ironic. For someone who claimed that the lingering emotions Nobodies could feel were useless, he was the catalyst that brought them out most strongly in you.

You didn’t like the idea of him toying with those emotions, and you had a feeling that he most likely would, when you went to meet him. But you didn’t even consider not going; maybe this would be the way to help things mend, even if they hadn’t technically been broken in the first place, just…uncomfortable.

For a long time, you simply sat there, gazing at the beautiful handwriting. You had long since passed the point where the words actually made sense to you, and still, you couldn’t look away. But finally, the appointed time came. Folding up the note, you put it at the head of the bed and stood, opening up a Corridor of Darkness. As you stepped through the portal, you couldn’t help but feel more anxious. You would have to do this very carefully, so you didn’t accidentally trigger one of the very few times Saix ever showed his anger. It was rare, but there had been a handful of instances when you had seen him break out of the calm persona he cloaked himself in. His scar would grow more ragged, his hair becoming wilder, and his eyes… Those molten gold orbs would burn bright yellow. And when that happened, anyone who stood in his way would be destroyed. Not that he needed to lose his temper to be dangerous, though. You had seen him slay Heartless by the dozens and never lose that calm expression on his face.

The Corridor faded from around you, and the walls of the Addled Impasse came into view. It had begun to rain outside, you saw; you could occasionally see the flicker of lightning through the floor-length windows across the room, and the glass was streaked with water. Despite this, you could still see the glow of Kingdom Hearts in the distance. But one thing was conspicuously absent: Saix himself. That was strange. He had called you here, so you had expected him to be waiting for you.

You crossed the room, stopping in front of the wall of glass, and watched the lightning dance across the sky. It was rainy more often than not in the City That Never Was; this place seemed to breed storms like the darkness bred Heartless.

Before you could think about this any further, you heard the sound of another Corridor opening nearby. You turned, and came face to face with the Luna Diviner. He stood only a few feet away, his golden eyes burning into yours as he looked down at you. Even though the two of you weren’t nearly as close as you had been that night, he was still near enough to cause something to twist in your chest.

“I had my doubts about whether you would come,” he said. “This wasn’t a mandatory meeting; you were free to refuse, if you wished.”

“If I wished,” you repeated. “Maybe I didn’t want to refuse.” You resolved to stay calm this time, not wanting to give him any more ammunition to use against you.

“Given your abrupt return to the Castle last night, I was under the impression that you were avoiding me, especially considering how adamant you were about remaining there with me, since it was ‘your mission, too’.”

There it was; you had been wondering when he was going to bring it up. This was going to be uncomfortable, and you had been dreading it, knowing that it had the potential to make things worse, rather than better. You looked away; once again, you weren’t sure if you had a good response to this one. “I did something stupid without thinking, and by the time I realized I shouldn’t have done it, it was already too late. So I thought it would be best if I just gave us both some space.”

“You regret what you did, then?” You thought you detected a hint of genuine curiosity in his voice as he asked this, and it made you immediately look back at him. You had thought to hear condescension, or maybe even amusement at your expense, as if he thought that you should be regretting doing something so bold. But there was none of this.

It was an interesting question. Did you regret it? Yes and no. You regretted doing it before you knew how he would react to something like that, without knowing if he even thought of you as anything more than another Organization member. You still didn’t know the answer to that one. While he might have been able to read you easily, the same wasn’t true in reverse. He could have been sincere, or he might have been toying with the emotions you had revealed to him. But you couldn’t bring yourself to regret actually kissing him. You just wished the outcome had been different.

“No, I don’t,” you said at last, making his eyebrows raise marginally.

To your astonishment, you were certain that you saw him smile. Finally, he looked away, turning his gaze from you to the glow of Kingdom Hearts above your head. “You know, I’ve been thinking about the conversation we had,” he told you.

He didn’t look down at you as your body stiffened, and your brow furrowed slightly. “What about it?” you asked warily.

“I haven’t changed my mind about what I said. I still believe that the remnants of these emotions are useless.” Those golden eyes shifted back to you. “I admit, since I became a Nobody, I haven’t felt the need for companionship. There was only one thing I wanted, one thing I ever cared about. But now…I’m curious.”

You decided not to point out the irony of him saying that he had something he cared about. Now wasn’t the time for that. Besides, you were more intrigued by what else he had said. “Curious about wh-”

You didn’t have the chance to finish your question. Moving so quickly that it was over before you had a chance to react, Saix reached out, placing one hand in the center of your chest and pushing you back against the window. He immediately stepped closer, bracing one forearm against the glass beside your head.

Your breath caught in your throat as he picked up a lock of your hair, rubbing the strands between his fingers. He smelled so good, you thought idly. You had noticed it during the mission the other night, but your mind had been on other things, so you hadn’t really had a chance to contemplate it until now. “S-Saix?” Your voice was filled with surprise, and perhaps a little nervousness.

His eyes narrowed slightly as he heard your tone, and his fingers went still. You thought you had managed to keep your face impassive, but he must have read something there that you weren’t aware of, for his next words made you pause. “Are you afraid of me?

The smart answer to that would have been to say nothing at all. Failing that, you might have told him that you were. It would have been the truth; when he entered his berserker state, he terrified you. He was unpredictable at the best of times, and when he lost control of himself, he was quite possibly just as physically powerful as Lexaeus. And even when he was calm, like now, there was always that faint wariness that never left you as long as you were in his presence. It was instinctive to keep an eye on him at all times, since you never knew what might set him off.

But you did neither of these things. Instead, you simply gazed back at him. “No,” you said firmly. You would never admit to being afraid of him, especially not to Saix himself. You felt like, if he knew, something would change for the worse. Last night, you had finally gotten him to open up to you, and begin talking. He had even told you some things that you hadn’t known about your origins. You didn’t want all of that to have been for nothing. But even now, you noticed that he was talking more than usual, which meant that everything hadn’t been lost. Yet.

He arched one elegant eyebrow, looking pointedly down at you. You could tell that he didn’t believe what you were saying, and it was no wonder, really. Your behavior said it all. Because of his close proximity, you had shrank back against the window, as far away from him as you could get.

“I’m not afraid,” you repeated, more firmly. To prove this, you straightened, bringing your body almost up against his.

“How interesting.” He let your hair slide through his fingers, bringing a lock of it up to press against his mouth. He paused thoughtfully for a moment, closing his eyes, and you held your breath as you watched him. When he opened them again, he released your hair, and the hand that was beside your head found new placement lower down. This close, you could feel his arm against your side.

“What I’m curious about is you. Bonds between Nobodies are impossible. But I still…” Lightly, his fingers brushed against your cheek. “I still want to know what would happen.”

You reached up, grasping his hand tightly. He paused, waiting to see what you would do. “What are you saying?” you whispered. Your breath was coming a bit faster, and you could feel a faint tightness in your abdomen. He was too close; you couldn’t think straight. How you wanted to kiss him again… But you didn’t dare. Not yet. You wanted to know what exactly he was up to first.

Saix’s hand turned in yours, and his powerful fingers curled around your wrist, pressing it back against the window. He suddenly wrapped his free arm around your waist, and pressed his larger body against yours. You found yourself pinned tightly to him, and your free hand automatically came up to rest against his chest, though you didn’t try to push him away. “It’s intriguing. Even believing what I do, I still feel the desire to claim you for myself.”

Before you could reply, he released your wrist, bringing his hand up and placing it against the side of your face, his thumb stroking over your cheek again. Because of the way the two of you were positioned, you had to look almost straight up; he was a good deal taller than you were, though he was still on the smaller end of the spectrum when it came to the other Organization members in terms of height. As you tilted your head up, his mouth crashed down on yours in a fierce kiss. It was nothing like the first time; you could have been kissing a stone statue for all the response he’d had then, but now… Now the kiss took your breath away, and your fingers dug into the material of his coat, clinging to it almost desperately.

You felt him move both hands down to your waist, and suddenly, you were lifted off the ground, then pushed back. In an instinctive effort to keep yourself from falling, you wrapped your legs tightly around him, your hands coming up to grasp his broad shoulders, even though in the back of your mind, you knew that he wouldn’t drop you. The pressure of his hips against you intensified, and you could feel a distinct hardness against your core as he held you pinned against the wall. He was aroused, just from this. But then again, so were you.

It was incredible, how fast things had suddenly progressed. As patient as Saix was, it seemed that he also didn’t believe in wasting time, especially when it came to something like this. Why hadn’t be acted like this the first time you had kissed him? He had made you feel thoroughly rejected, and now here he was, holding you up against the wall with his hips alone.

Because of this, his hands were left free, and he slid them inside the opening at the bottom of your coat. He caressed your thighs for a moment before moving up to your back. The material of his gloves was soft against your skin, and you gave a faint shiver.

Finally, he broke the kiss, trailing his mouth along your jawline, then down your neck. “You like this, then?” he breathed against your throat, licking at the tender flesh and leaving behind soft nips. You tilted your head back to give him better access, and the spikes of his hair tickled against your skin.

“Yes,” you replied, your voice bordering on a moan. His behavior was a bit strange; being the second-in-command in the Organization, he was deferential only to Xemnas, and for a long time, you had suspected that his dominant personality might be something that carried over into other aspects of his life, even if you hadn’t had any definitive proof of this until now. It was part of why you had been so attracted to him. He had been in control ever since he had appeared in this room, and you didn’t see that changing any time soon. But at the same time, his touch and kisses were surprisingly gentle. Somehow, the contrast made this even more arousing.

Leaning forward, he paused in his ministrations to whisper in your ear. “Nobodies cannot form meaningful attachments, so I can’t offer you anything more than physical pleasure…but soon, you won’t desire anyone else’s touch.” Seductive promise laced his tone, sending a tingle racing up your spine. “I will be the only one you ever want.”

You decided not to mention that, at this point, that was already mostly true. The Organization was largely filled with very attractive men, but you had never seen them as anything more than comrades, and in a handful of cases, friends. Saix was the only one you had ever truly been interested in. Ironic, really, considering that he barely had any feelings of his own. But you had to admit, what he was proposing was very tempting, whether emotions were involved or not.

“I will find every place on your body that responds to me, and I’ll use them to my advantage, drawing out your pleasure until you’re begging me to give you relief.” He leaned back, gazing at you seriously. “I can give you whatever kind of release you desire, but in return, you must be obedient. You will give me complete control of your pleasure; if you ever want release, you’ll come to me, and I’ll provide it. This is what it means to be mine. Is that what you want?”

You considered this. Giving him all of that would take a lot of trust; faith that he wouldn’t take advantage of the control you would turn over to him. You would be completely at his mercy. He was asking quite a bit of you. How long had he been thinking about this, you wondered? It didn’t sound like something he had thrown together on the spot. He must have been planning it for a while. It was possible that your kiss had opened the door to all of this. And to think, you thought it had begun and ended right then.

Some people might have been annoyed by the idea that you weren’t even allowed to touch yourself when you wanted to, but you weren’t one of them. If anything, his words only turned you on more. The idea that he wanted to be the only source of your pleasure was something that you very much liked. Not to mention that it would only heighten what you would feel; there was something about another person’s touch that always felt better than your own, especially once they had learned exactly what you liked.

“I want…” Your voice trailed off, and you looked away for a second. Saix could practically see the gears turning in your mind as you thought about your answer. He was patient, allowing you time to make your decision. “I want you,” you said at last. “And everything included with that.”

The shadow of a smile appeared on his face, and he curled one arm beneath your thighs to support you. With his other hand, he reached up, unfastening the decorative chain before taking hold of the zipper and drawing it down. When it came loose, instead of sliding the coat down off your body, he pulled you close, nuzzling your breasts, which were partially covered by the fabric. He inhaled, taking in your scent.

Your eyebrows raised slightly at his behavior, but you couldn’t say that you disliked it. It seemed even the cold Saix wasn’t immune to certain things.

His hand slipped inside the garment, pushing it aside, and your breath caught as you felt him envelop your nipple in his warm mouth. His tongue flicked over it, sending a trickle of pleasure through you.

After a few moments, he released you, trailing kisses and soft bites up the soft flesh, until he reached your shoulder. Suddenly, he bit down, hard enough to leave a mark, and you gasped at the abrupt sting. Your body jerked involuntarily, pushing against his arousal and causing a low growl to rise in his throat. The surprisingly erotic sound shot straight to your core, causing your blood to heat up in response.

“Be careful,” he warned, his lips moving against your shoulder. “If you continue to do that, I may not be able to stop myself.” Deliberately, he pressed his hips against you, letting you feel his solidness through the material of his pants.

“I didn’t do it on purpose,” you protested. “I couldn’t help it.”

“Is that so…” He kissed you again, more deeply this time. Grasping your jaw, he squeezed just hard enough to make you open your mouth. His tongue swept inside, exploring. Cautiously, you returned the treatment, twining your tongue around his. This was still new to you, so you didn’t know just how much he would let you do without him feeling like you were encroaching on his control.

Thankfully, it seemed that he didn’t mind this, as he didn’t put up any sort of a fight. But he removed one hand from your back, placing it flat against the wall. To your surprise, you felt the solidness you were leaning against dissolve as a Corridor enveloped the wall. A moment of panic overtook you with the loss of support against your back, but Saix was having none of it; he wrapped the arm he had moved around you, holding you tightly against him, and stepped into the portal.

When it faded, you realized that you were in a bedroom; his, to be exact. The room looked almost exactly like yours; bare, save for a single bed, and a large, square window that opened out onto the perpetually black sky. The only point of light in the darkness was the golden glow of Kingdom Hearts in the distance. But you had no further time to examine your surroundings, as he carried you over to the bed, sitting down on it and placing you in his lap, still facing him. Finally, he broke the kiss, leaving you breathing hard. To your surprise, you saw that his own chest was rising and falling more rapidly than usual.

With your chest bare, you were feeling at a distinct disadvantage, and you unhooked the chain on his coat. You unzipped the garment, pausing every few seconds to see if he was going to stop you. When he didn’t, you slowly slid it down over his shoulders, revealing the muscular frame beneath. He wasn’t as well-built as Lexaeus, but nor was he as slender as Axel or Demyx. There was an immense amount of power in that body; you could feel it.

Saix took his hands from where they were rested against your back just long enough to completely remove the coat, along with his gloves. Your eyes roamed curiously over his form, taking in the elegant sweep of his collarbones, to the clearly-defined muscles of his chest and upper arms. Just below that were the smooth ridges of his abdomen, framed on either side by sharp furrows that outlined where his hips began. You realized that your mouth had gone dry, and you swallowed hard, bringing your gaze back up to his face.

He reached out, and for the first time, you felt the bare skin of his hands touch you, sliding from your shoulders, along your arms, and drawing down the sleeves of your own coat as he went. Despite the gloves that all the Organization members perpetually wore, his hands were slightly rough, probably from handling his weapon. It seemed like the material hadn’t been able to protect his hands from wear. Not that you minded; the contrast against your smooth skin was very nice.

Slowly, your breasts were fully revealed to his gaze, and you noticed that his eyes had darkened in color. This was interesting. You had only ever seen them lighten, when anger got the better of him in battle. Now, though, something else had taken hold of him. This wasn’t anger, but desire. You felt a responding surge of heat go through your body as he peeled off the gloves you wore, tossing them carelessly aside, followed by your coat. Before now, you had always thought he would take care with his clothes, folding them up neatly, rather than discarding them like that. Under normal circumstances, that might very well be the case, but right now, he was too focused on you to think about anything else.

Now that you were fully undressed from the waist up, his hands suddenly slid around to your back, and he pulled you against him, capturing the peak of a breast in his mouth again, his breath hot against your skin. His tongue flicked against the sensitive flesh, and you gave a soft whine of pleasure, closing your eyes and leaning your head back. You reached up, twining your fingers through his long hair, and holding him close to you. He was more aggressive this time; you felt his teeth scrape lightly against you, and again, you braced yourself for the inevitable sting, but it never came.

One hand came up to cup the neglected breast, and he pinched the nipple hard enough to bring you to the edge of pain before letting go, only to repeat the process a moment later. His mouth released the other peak, and he moved up, nipping at the skin hard enough that at least one would leave the mark you had been expecting. At least he’d had the foresight to place them in areas that your coat would cover, once you replaced it. You didn’t mind him doing this, as long as they weren’t in places that would be visible to everyone else. You would never hear the end of it if Xigbar or Axel spotted them.

Your eyes opened, and you looked at him thoughtfully. He’d never said anything against you claiming him in return, and you liked the idea of it. You leaned forward, placing a line of soft kisses down his neck, and across his shoulder. Just as you opened your mouth to bite down, you suddenly felt him shift beneath you, and you found yourself on your back on the bed, gazing up at him in surprise. He was kneeling over you, his legs on either side of yours, and his hands curled tightly around both your wrists, pinning them to the bed next to your head.

“I don’t recall saying you could do something like that,” he chided, his golden eyes dancing with a light you had never seen before. It told you that he wasn’t truly angry with you, but there was something else to it…a kind of wickedness that had your stomach clenching with anticipation and a slight edge of nervousness.

“You never said I couldn’t,” you pointed out. Experimentally, you tried to turn one wrist in his hold, to see how much you were able to move. No good; he was holding you too tightly. You were powerless in his grasp. However, you had told him that you wanted him, and everything that came with him, and that had been the truth. You trusted him, more than you ever thought you would be able to.

That suggestion of a smile appeared on his face again, and he gave a brief chuckle. “True enough. But I believe you need a little taste of what might happen if you do anything to disobey me.” He slid your arms up until they were above your head, and shifted so that both of your wrists were held in place by one of his hands. Lightly, he straddled your thighs, his free hand tracing a path gently down the center of your body and making you shiver. When he reached the top of your pants, you froze as he unsnapped the top button. The fabric loosened around your hips, and then even farther as he popped the second one open.

Agonizingly slowly, he slipped his fingers inside, and he began to trace idle patterns on your lower belly, causing frustration to well up within you. The expression on his face told you that he was enjoying this. But really…so were you, even if you weren’t sure just what he had in store for you.

He slipped his hand lower down, and your body suddenly jumped when you felt him come into contact with your folds. A smirk came to his face as he watched your reactions. It seemed like you weren’t used to being touched like this. That thought appealed to him. But there was something he had to know. “Have you ever been with anyone before?” he murmured, his fingers gently caressing you.

“Not since I became a Nobody,” you admitted. Was he concerned about hurting you? Or did he worry that someone else had already gotten to you before he had? Well, he needn’t have worried, if that was the case. There was only one Nobody within the Castle that you desired, and you currently had his attention.

You inhaled sharply as he found the hidden bundle of nerves, and began to lightly stroke it. A hot burst of pleasure shot through you, and you quivered beneath him. What he was doing felt incredibly good, but you knew that it would never be enough for you to reach your peak. And that was when you realized that his warning earlier had been the truth. He might actually intend to make you beg. Or, if he didn’t go quite that far, he was at least going to draw it out long enough to have you completely frustrated.

The Luna Diviner leaned down, his long hair falling over his shoulders and tickling across your chest as he placed a deceptively gentle kiss on your neck. He lightly bit down, just hard enough to elicit a soft moan from you. Deep in your mind, you knew this tenderness wouldn’t last. By morning, you were going to be sore. You had seen the promise of that in his eyes earlier, and it was still there now, if you cared to look for it. As he leaned back, his gaze was filled with a hungry lust that demanded to be sated. All the while, his fingers were busy at work between your legs, his touch more firm than it had been a moment ago, so as to bring out as much of your pleasure as he could.

The muscles of your legs began to twitch in response, and your hips started moving in time with the rhythm he had set. The faint smile was still on his handsome face; it was quite a sight – something you had seen only a handful of times before. But just as soon as the sensations he was giving you had reached a steady plateau, he suddenly withdrew his fingers from your center, releasing your wrists at the same time, and hooked them into the loosened waistband of your pants. Slowly, he drew the garment down, making sure that his hands trailed along the soft skin of your legs. When he reached your knees, he pulled off your boots, and then your pants, leaving you fully undressed. His touch roamed back up your thighs to your stomach, where he stopped.

“Stand up, and go to the window, facing me,” he instructed, pulling away so you were able to move once again. He leaned back, regarding you, waiting to see if you would obey.

One eyebrow arched in response to this order, but you did as he told you, sliding off the edge of the bed and padding across the room. The floor was cold beneath your bare feet, and you shivered faintly. Before, his body had been close enough to you to keep away the chill of the air, but now you could feel it clearly.

When you reached the rectangular window, you turned around, folding your hands behind your back and leaning against them, rather than the icy stone wall. Every now and then, a bolt of lightning would cut through the dark sky, lighting it up for a moment before fading back to black. You could hear the sound of the droplets as they hit the window; you had always liked storms, and this was no exception. It lent a certain kind of intimacy to the entire situation, knowing that you were in here with Saix, sheltered from the downpour outside.

Your head tilted slightly to the side as you returned his gaze curiously. From a distance, you couldn’t stop yourself from admiring his form. The black fabric of his pants was a nice contrast against his lightly-tanned skin, and without the concealing coat of the Organization uniform, he was even more attractive than usual.

Somewhat to your surprise, you saw his heated golden eyes roam over your own body for a moment before he stood up, crossing the room to you. Placing one finger beneath your chin, he tilted your head back so you were looking up at him. He leaned forward, and his lips brushed across yours fleetingly.

At the same time, he took hold of your thigh, lifting it until your leg was pressed against his waist. You automatically reached up to steady yourself against him, but he didn’t pick you up the way he had before. Instead, the hand that had been resting beneath your chin made its way down your body, coming to a halt between your legs once more.

For a few moments, he simply caressed the silky skin of your inner thighs, never touching where you wanted him the most. Then finally, soft as a whisper, he stroked a single finger along your entrance. His eyes narrowed slightly as he felt the slickness that had accumulated. Slowly, he pressed the digit into you, and your warmth enveloped him, making the grip you had on his shoulders tighten involuntarily. He explored your depths, testing. Suddenly, he brushed against a certain place, and the pleasure you were feeling changed marginally. You jumped in response, making him smile.

His movements cautious, he slipped a second finger in with the first, pausing to give you a moment to become accustomed to the intrusion. You were snug around him, but not painfully so. Twisting his hand so that his palm was facing upward, he once again found the place within you that had elicited such a reaction the first time, and began to caress it, adding more pressure after the first few strokes. At the same time, his thumb went to the bundle of nerves above your entrance, and began to manipulate it, abandoning all sense of subtlety this time. He was no longer testing, but actively working you towards climax.

Shocks of pleasure rocked through you, and you closed your eyes, leaning forward and resting your head against his neck. Balanced on one foot, you had to rely on him to keep you steady, but he obliged without complaint. After a moment, a thought occurred to you, and you slid one hand down over his chest, until you found the top of his pants. He’d said that you couldn’t touch yourself, but he’d never said anything about not being able to touch him. And with his hands busy, he couldn’t complain this time.

Your fingers found the top button, and flicked it open. Reaching inside, you soon came into contact with his length, the skin hot against your flesh. You smiled as you felt him stiffen against you, and he twitched in your hand. It seemed that he wasn’t expecting you to do this. Good; you liked taking him by surprise. It didn’t happen often, and it always felt like a small victory when you were able to pull it off. These kinds of responses were what you had been hoping for. It seemed you had finally been able to break through the icy shell he usually kept wrapped around himself, since everything he had done since he found you in the Addled Impasse had been filled with heat, and even passion. It was a far cry from that emotionless kiss you’d shared on the ledge overlooking that canyon.

Slowly at first, you began to stroke him, your fingers gliding from the tip to the base, then back again. The skin was velvety soft, you realized, and you tightened your grip a bit. His breath caught; he wasn’t immune to what you were doing, even though you weren’t able to focus, thanks to the pleasure you were feeling. It clouded your mind, so you were only able to devote a portion of your attention to him. No matter; you would make up for it soon enough.

Though you couldn’t see his face, as yours was currently resting against his neck, you could feel his eyes on you; he was doing exactly what he had told you earlier – learning the places that caused the most pleasure in you, so he could use them again at a later point. He got what he wanted; it wasn’t long before your legs began to tremble again as the sensations slowly started to climb. He took a firmer hold on you, providing some additional support so the shaking didn’t cause you to fall.

You shuddered as the telltale beginnings of pressure began to build in your lower belly, and the hand that was stroking him went still; it was impossible to concentrate on more than one thing at a time like this. Your eyes slid shut, and your muscles started to tense as the coil prepared to snap. But just before you could reach your peak, infuriatingly, he stopped the motions of his fingers, pulling them away and releasing your thigh, so you stood on two feet once more. This movement also caused your hand to slip from his length, so he was out of your reach.

A breathy sigh of frustration and disappointment reached his pointed ears as he pulled you back to him. “We’re not finished yet,” he informed you. “Be patient, and you’ll have what you want. But I told you that I was going to show you a little of what might happen if you disobeyed me. I believe I proved my point vividly, don’t you agree?”

You looked away, your brow furrowing. He had left you extremely uncomfortable, and all you wanted him to do was finish what he had started, as quickly as possible. But on the other hand, you also wanted to give him what he wanted, and that was your obedience. You enjoyed his dominance, even though you knew that giving in to it meant you would probably end up feeling this way again. But in the end, it would be worth it. He had promised you that, and you didn’t hesitate in believing him. Saix was many things, but a liar wasn’t one of them.

“Look at me,” he commanded suddenly, and your eyes returned to his golden ones. He placed another kiss on your lips, reaching down and taking your small hand in his much larger one. Slowly, he guided it to the bulge you could see straining against the front of his pants. When he was sure that you were going to keep that hand in place, he took hold of your hips, pulling you backwards until he came up against the edge of the bed. He sat down, leaving enough room so that he could tug you down with him.

One elegant eyebrow arched as he watched you; he didn’t need to say anything more. He wanted you to continue what you had been doing. Even though he had denied you the release you so desperately wanted, you had no reservations about giving him more of the same pleasure he had provided you. Reaching down, you pulled off his boots, and then finished unbuttoning his pants. Slowly, you began to draw the material down over his hips.

You had to resituate yourself slightly so he could kick them off, but as soon as he did, your hand immediately found his hard length, and began to stroke him gently. As you worked over him, you leaned forward, placing a kiss at the hollow of his throat. He tilted his head back, closing his eyes. At the same time, he leaned back slightly, bracing himself on his hands once more. While his posture might have been relaxed, you could tell that he was enjoying himself; every now and then, his body would twitch with pleasure, and his breathing was a bit faster than normal.

Moving up his neck, you nibbled gently at the skin, but decided not to repeat the impulsive action that had gotten you in trouble in the first place. When you reached the bottom of his chin, you jumped suddenly to his mouth, raising yourself up on your knees and straddling him so that you were able to reach him better. He responded to the kiss just as fiercely as he had done before, and even gave a soft hiss when your hand tightened around him, taking a firmer grip. You had been hesitant at first, not sure how much pressure to use, but now you were getting a better idea, and were able to experiment a bit more as your confidence grew.

When you broke the kiss, you sat back down in the position you had been in earlier; in his lap, with your legs on either side his waist. You kept enough distance between you that you had the room to continue the motion of your hand, but at the same time, close enough that you could see his responses to your touch in detail.

And what responses they were. He was still quiet – not that you had expected any different – but you could feel the reactions of his body, whether he voiced them aloud or not. His abdomen was tensed, and occasionally, he would move his hips when you hit a particularly sensitive spot. It was very clear now why he had forbidden you from touching yourself. Seeing him like this, knowing that you were the cause of it… It was indescribable. There was a sense of power in it, to be sure, but there was also pride and satisfaction, knowing that you had the ability to cause your partner to be able to feel these things. You could get used to this.

As the minutes passed, Saix’s reactions to your touch grew stronger, until he couldn’t keep still any longer, and he was all but panting. But suddenly, his golden eyes opened, and he caught your wrist in one hand, making you go still. “Enough,” he growled, his voice rough with pleasure. “I’m still not finished with you yet.”

Your eyebrows raised, and you let your hands fall to your lap. This was unexpected. Not only had he denied you release, but now he was doing it to himself. The man had ironclad self-control; you had to admit that you were impressed. It was difficult to stop just moments before a climax, when every nerve in your body was screaming for it.

Something clicked into place within your mind then. This wasn’t just about him proving something to you; if it was, he wouldn’t have denied himself release. You knew what he was up to. By stopping himself – and you – from achieving climax, he was insuring that when he eventually allowed it, the feeling would be even greater than usual. This was something you had heard of before, though you’d never had the inclination to try it for yourself.

Until now.

At least you weren’t in it alone, though. He was now feeling every bit as uncomfortable as you were. But not for much longer, as he slid to the edge of the bed, kneeling down on the floor. Pulling you to him, he slid one hand up the center of your body, prompting you to lay back. As you did, he took hold of your legs, draping them over his arms. The bed was low enough that he was able to position himself at your entrance, and he gently pushed forward.

You gave a soft gasp at the feeling of him sliding into you; it was a bit uncomfortable at first, but he moved slowly, giving you a chance to become used to him. While he was doing this, he leaned forward over you, taking the peak of one breast in his mouth and running his tongue over it. Your own arms came up to twine over his shoulders, and you gripped him tightly as you felt him begin to move, rocking his hips into you, then back again.

The discomfort you were feeling began to die away as he established a steady rhythm. It was slow at first, until he was sure that you were feeling no pain, and then the pace increased, becoming a bit rougher. His mouth released you, and he trailed up your neck, leaving soft bites in his path.

He was now moving his hips with enough force to cause you to rock back against the bed, and a steady flow of heat was burning through your blood with each stroke he made. You could feel the pleasure beginning to spiral back into a knot in your lower belly. His ragged breathing matched yours, and you knew that he was feeling the same thing.

Suddenly, he leaned back, going still. He placed one hand on your stomach to hold you down, knowing that you were going to protest. Sure enough, when you realized what he had done, you tried to sit up, but he prevented you from doing so. Because of the loss of movement, your climax began to break apart, the pieces sinking back into dormancy. Again. For the second time, he had stopped you from finding release, one that promised to be even stronger this time.

“Stop doing that!” you cried, frustration filling your voice, along with a strong edge of desperation. You didn’t know if you could take him doing it a third time. Your nerves were already becoming more sensitive, and if he worked you up to the edge yet again, only to stop… It would actually be painful.

Saix glanced up at you, and in the dim light, his golden eyes almost seemed incandescent. Still buried within you, he wrapped his arms around your back, lifting you up. Once again changing your position, he placed you down so you were lying straight on the bed, and he turned you over so you were partially on your side, one leg bent at the knee.

He stretched out against you, his body halfway covering yours, one hand beneath your thigh to help keep your leg bent, the other curled around you, just below your chest. When the both of you were comfortable, he dropped all pretenses of being gentle, withdrawing, only to snap forward again, picking up a rapid rhythm that was more than a little rough. The hand that was rested on your abdomen slid down, and he located the aching cluster of nerves above your entrance. As soon as he touched it, a jolt of pleasure shot through you that was so intense, it made you give a soft cry.

“You are mine,” he murmured into your ear, his normally-smooth voice holding the slight edge of a growl. “Everything you’re feeling, everything you will feel…is mine.”

It only took a few more moments before the pleasure that he had denied you twice now began to reform, even stronger than it had been before. Pressed against him the way you were, you could feel that his powerful frame was trembling against you as his own climax approached. His fingers continued to work over the sensitive bud, driving you further and further towards your peak, and your mind grew hazy with the sheer overwhelming amount of stimulation your body was receiving. You couldn’t think straight; all you could do was wait for the inevitable storm to break.

And break it did. Searing pleasure ripped through you as your climax took hold of you, and you threw your head back to rest against his shoulder, his name a passionate cry on your lips as your vision went white. Your inner walls convulsed around him, and you shook in his hold as your muscles seized up as if you were being electrocuted. It was stronger than any release you had ever felt up to that point, and at last, you fully understood his torturous actions. It had been worth it, for this.

Saix was just a few seconds behind you, and you dimly heard him say your own name, though his voice was hoarse. He shuddered against you, clenching his teeth as mind-numbing pleasure rocked through him, setting his nerves alight. Even now, he was still quiet, you noted offhandedly. Well, you would just have to work on changing that in the future. For now, you were satisfied. More than satisfied; you felt like every ounce of ecstasy your body could ever produce had been wrung from you, leaving you exhausted.

For several long minutes, you lay twined together with your lover, trying to slow your breathing, and recover from what you had just experienced. Though you’d had reservations about him before, they had been swept away, and you were left with a feeling of contentment, even…happiness.

At last, you felt him slide out of you, and you turned over onto your stomach. He rested his head between your shoulderblades, and draped one arm possessively over your form. This feeling of being so close to him, not just physically, but perhaps even emotionally, too, was one that you knew you would never tire of. You could never admit it to him, since his beliefs were that such connections were both impossible and meaningless, but you hoped that one day, when your hearts were returned to you, they could become real, and you could share with him just how much he had come to mean to you. He was still distant, and somewhat cold, but you had seen glimpses of him that no one else had, except maybe Axel, back when the two of them were still whole.

Whether or not you would ever get him to admit it, a bond had been formed this night. Just as much as you belonged to him, now he belonged to you. Nothing could ever change that.

#kingdom hearts #kingdom hearts fanfiction #kingdom hearts smut #organization xiii #organization xiii fanfiction #organization xiii smut #saix x reader #saix #larxene #xemnas #reader insert

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mona-stay · 8 years ago

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What happened last night? ~ theo Reaken

Theo Raeken x Reader

Request - can you a Theo one where reader wakes up in his bed after a pack party with no memory and sore with bruises (attacked or raped if you will write that) she thinks Theo hurt her as her memory slowly comes back in stages ty in advanced = anonymous

Warnings - DON'T NOT READ IF EASY OFFENDED - Strong language, talk of sex and mention of rape, drugs and alcohol,

PLEASE DON'T READ IF YOUR UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THE WARNING!!!

A/N - this is the first time ive done wrote anything like this. story is set in past and present this is set between the night before (flashback) and present time (real time)

STORY - **real time ** You wake keeping your eyes closed, your head was sore. As you start stretch out your body throbs in pain. your hand hits a wall that should be a velvet headboard. Confused you Open your eyes but don't recognize the room it had no window and pipes across one wall. It felt like a was a basement. the room was dark with a small light and a strong earthly smell. Sitting up letting your eyes adjust to the dim orange light, lifting your arms they had big bruising around them. "where the fuck am I? what the hell happened last night? " (y/n) thinks to herself.

Getting out of bed realising you was wearing an unrecognisable large short sleeved tee-shirt and nothing else. Where is my underwear? Comes to mind as you start looking around the room. It was empty except for a bed a set of chest of draws and the was a chair next the bed with a pair of sweatpants a note 'wear me' a bottle of water again a sticky note 'drink me'. You took the bottle opening downing half in one go. You grabbed the pants sliding them up your legs, the top of your thighs was also coated in small round bruises. As you muscles move the pain shots though your legs to your stomach making you whimper low. Sitting on the edge of the bed now clothed you cover your face with hands. Feeling swelling to the sides of your face and a graze on your cheekbone. looking up when the door opened panicked, There was Theo Raeken stood looking at you with his signature smirk. "where I'm? I how did I get here?" you asked voice still broken. His smirk dropped "you don't remember" you frowned thinking last night was Lydia's party.

**flashback** "it's the party of the year" Lydia said as she handed you and the pack invites to her end of school forever party. You didn't really like party's but had promised everyone you would go. (y/n) goes to Allison's "(y/n) I have found the perfect dress for you" she shrieked as you entered her bedroom. "really I don't think it's quite me" I asked looking, at the little black dress. "you have a date you can't go on your shorts and baby tee" she said back handing me the dress to try on. She cooed about it looking amazing on you. I got to the party and I saw my date waiting for me, Jackson Whitmore was smirking holding out his arm for me to take "(y/n) you look amazing I don't think I have ever seen you in a dress before" he whispered in my ear making me feel special as we walked in together.

**real time** Theo was stood there waiting for me to speak looking guilty, I couldn't help but think was he the one who gave me the bruises. "I hope the clothes are okay for you" he said braking the silence "where the hell is my dress?" I ask looking at him. Theo doesn't look at me he keeps his head down "it was ripped and torn and bloody I put it in the bin when I gave you that to wear" he said low pointing at the grey tee-shirt I had woken in, finally looking me in the eyes. My mouth was sore as I swallowed like it was raw from shouting. I didn't want to think about why my dress was ripped and why Theo looked sad. ' Did we have sex? is that why I'm sore and bruised I thought and had forgotten. Why couldn't I remember the night. It wasn't like I had drank a lot 2 I think maybe 3.

**flashback ** Jackson had gone to get you both a drink he came back minuets later with a bottle of larger and glass of something pink and fizzy. while drinking Jackson whispered sweet think in your ears. "I cant believe you came to this with me, I'm the luckiest guy here to be with you y/n, I wish I could kiss you," his words made you smile more and more. when you finished your drink you went to dance dragging Jackson with you. he held you close his hand tightly on your waist, your hands went around his neck as you both swayed to the slow song playing. he lowered his head gently kissing your lips then rested his head against your forehead. when the song finishes Jackson kissed you again this time more passionate then the chaste kiss you shared while dancing. you pull back after a couple of seconds smiling up at him biting your lip. Jackson leaves to get another drink you saw him talking to Danny so you went to your friends.

"y/n you came" Scott called as you hugged Allison. "yes McCall I came Lydia would have killed me if I hadn't." you reply. "do you have a drink?" he asked looking at my empty hands, "no Jackson was getting us one but he's still chatting with Danny" you tell the alpha. Scott leave to get you all some. "I saw you kissing Jackson" Allison squealed with a childish grin. you blush thinking did the captain of the lacrosse team really into you. Scott comes back with 3 plastic cups, Allison takes the first one as you go to take the next one he stops saying "that's mine this one, this is a special one made just for you" his devilish smirk makes you laugh it was the same drink Jackson had given you early this time it teased different. nicer like it was made with less alcohol. another 40 minuets or so later you was feeling drunk not fall over drunk but merry happy want to love everyone and dance drunk. Both Jackson and Scott wanting to dance with you. Jackson was kissing you again when you heard a load "awww" behind you. it was Lydia smiling at you both Jackson left so you could talk with your friend. "omg since when have you been a thing?" she shouted excited pointing at me and the back of Jackson. you didn't answer still not knowing if you had a thing with Jackson he hadn't looked at you before really unless you count him asking you to the party as his date. "well its better then y/n pinning over Theo" Kira said Allison and Lydia both gave her a death glare. "What it's true have you seen the way she looks at him?" Kira defended.

But it was true you had a crush on the school bad-boy but was to scared to talk to him the whole pack hated him but I couldn't help the butterflies I got when he was around. "well ill never get him so its time to move on" I say finishing my drink.

**real time ** I had followed Theo out the room into another still feeling scared. this room looked a little cosier, but still had thick pipes along a wall and no windows. Making me think I wasn't in a basement but underground possibly. The new room had a couch and a chair, a large rug and a television on a large cabinet. They looked like the had been down here for years the rug was dirty yet the couch looked clean. When I sat down I could smell something citrus like he'd only just sprayed it with air freshener. I watched him go to the cabinet under the TV. The was 100s of DVD init. He took one of (y/f/m) and put it on. He looked at me with a sympathy smile "are you okay" he asks.

"where are we Theo?" I asked anger lined your voice. He sighed and sat next to me I shifted away from him closer to the end of the couch. "I lived here when I was living with the dread doctors it was the safest most secluded place I could think of." the chimera said. I felt scared again. I was in the underground tunnels no one would find me here I thought. My imagination going crazy, was Theo going to kill me down here? Was I going to be the next experiment? all the feelings I had ever had for the blond boy had gone butterflies replaced by sickly worry and fear.

I looked the door thinking how far could I get before he caught me. I knew the reality in my hurt aching state I wouldn't make the door. "your scared of me?" this was a statement not a question. "wouldn't you be scared! waking in a bed with no memory of the night before." a rush of anger crushed me "I wake up in your bed my dress is ripped I'm black and blue what the fuck did you do to me Raeken?"

Theo looked mortified. He want to step towards me you I panicked running to the door. Theo was in front of it quicker then me. "y/n what! Why, why do you think I did this?" He said he's sad at first before breaking out into to that smirk of his "who do you think I am?" "your Theo Raeken the evil Chimera this is something you would do isn't it" was all you said back with an accusing look. "What madness is it, to be expecting evil before it comes y/n?" Theo said, looking at him confused he rolls his eyes "I didn't hurt you, I found you like... That" he said hardly looking at the marks on your "bringing you here." he finished with sigh "if that's true, where did you find me? " I asked thinking I didn't see him at the party. " you called me " he answered.

**flashback** Starting your 3rd drink you started to feel dizzy don't drunk dizzy but something isn't right dizzy. Thinking fresh air is best out begin to walk to the door. Scott see you leave and walks over "y/n what's wrong?are you okay" he asks putting his arms around you. "I'm great I'm floating" you laugh giddy but quickly your head felt worse your legs not working the way you wanted them too.

"Scott gave you his jacket to keep you warm it was ice outside with a chilling wind. Everything was a blur, you struggled to focus on Scott face your body swayed trying to keep your self up right. Your mind starting to panic, this isn't right I don't feel drunk more drugged Scott's voice was a mass of noise nothing understandable to you. Blinking at him a few times still not being able to see you try to tell Scott something was in one of your drinks but nothing comes out panic sets in as Scott holds you.

You nearly fall backwards when Scott's lips come crashing onto yours roughly kissing you his hand on you back was the only thing keeping you up right. For a brief for seconds you kiss him then realize it's wrong. Scott had had a girlfriend you was here with Jackson but was in love with someone else. You pushed Scott away saying you can't what about Allison Scott shrugs his shoulders going to kiss you again but you slap him. Running away from Lydia's house "y/n! I'm sorry y/n! Don't" Scott was shouting behind you but you ran far until his voice faded to nothing.

Crying over what you had done to your closest friend and the effects of the drugs in your drink, you started stumbling, falling into a trees bouncing off them like a pin ball. intoxicated you didn't feel the pain, You stopped at the road walking in slow messy zigzags, your hands fumble into Scott's coat finding a mobile.

The lock screen was Scott and Allison sending you into a crying mess again this time it wasn't just because of the betrayal but your heart was pinning someone would never believed you could never have. SMAA was his phone code, you scroll down to the T section in his phone looking for a taxi number. The phone rang 4 times before a gruff sleepy voice answered. "can I have a taxi toooooo" you the the Oh sound looking for the name of the road you was on. "this isn't a taxi service it's Theo" your heart froze "Theo" you slurred "y/n is that you? Why do you have Scott's phone?" He asked sounding more awake. "Scott's a jerk and I guess I robbed his phone" you shouted giddy talking to Theo. "you know your gorgeous" you tell him not caring if you was making a fool of yourself. He answered with a questioning "oh yeah?" you continue to tell him you think he's sexy and hot and you have a crush on him.

"are you drunk y/n" he asked laughing. You was still swaying in and out of the road. Your head throbbing reminding you of the earlier worries of being drugged.

**real time** I looked at Theo walking towards the couch. He had gone and gotten warm water and some wash clothes. He looked at me with a kind smile holding up the damp cloth. Without speaking I knew he was asking to clean my cuts. I hiss as the cloth touches the grazes across my shoulder. Trying to take my mind ignoring the stinging I make small talk with Theo "how long have I been here?" "3 hours " he said back. Gently brushing the cloth across your neck nit taking his eyes from your.

"your starting to remember?" you couldn't tell if it was a statement or question. But Theo has heard your heart beat jump the send or fear and hate pour off you, the long moments you closed your eyes. "slowly, stages not everything." you say back. Not sure anymore if you wanted to remember. "do you remember me finding you?" his asked hopefully. You shook your head no. He looked down "I vaguely remember calling you I had Scott's jacket on. I wanted a taxi I think" you say griping to the fragments you had. Theo smirked and gave a little chuckle, "you said some really nice things about me." you face flushed pink going a deeper red the more he looked at you. "do you remember who was there you walked off with someone else" he told you what he heard from your drunken call.

"we was talking you sounded really drunk. You was talking to someone else I heard you say hello, I didn't hear who it was just muffled talking before the phone fell and a few seconds later you screaming". You listened to him getting more memories back. Theo didn't want to say the words he need you to remember.

**flashback** Your vision was bad, a mix of fussy shapes and blurry colours, you could see a tall figure the dark haired boy still unrecognisable. Your body felt numb and uncoordinated. You felt arms steady you out "come on I'll help you out doll face I can make you feel good! " he whispered. After a few steps into the woods you say "I need to go my taxi is coming." finally realising this wasn't where you wanted to be. At some point the phone had slipped out of your hand. Your focus and awareness at its worst. You was near the road closing your eyes for what felt like a second reopening them you couldn't work out where you was or see the road anymore. You tried to stop and turn back but the person who had you was too strong.

Screaming loudly your voice echoes through the trees. A hand hits your face, the stinging you can feel the heat in your cheeks as tears fill your eyes. "s.. Stop please" you struggle to speak. He grabbed your jaw squeezing as hard as he could turning your head to face the side. You felt his mouth roughly kiss and bite your neck. You try to push the attacker off but your body refused to move. His weight had vanished from you you tried to look at him but your eye lids too heavy to keep open. Unaware you slid down the tree almost falling into a drugged sleep "stay with me a little longer" a unclear voice called along with sounds of a belt undoing. Everything that happened next was like flashes and short clips

You felt his body close to you again this time his hands ran up your thighs brushing over your underwear. Next, You hear a loud rip,then hear a second one as you feel your underwear fall. Then trying to move to run away, you fall to the ground. Starting to crawl away you hear a laugh as he flips you into your back. You felt his hands inside you as you screamed out for him to stop or for help. You don't really remember what exactly happened only the feelings of pain or the odd words. You felt him inside you the pain from how rough he was going, the grip he had around your arms. You didn't remember how or when but he had flipped you onto your front. you remember him pushing you face into the ground the tease of soil in your mouth. The feeling in the pit of your stomach making you want to vomit as he was pushing himself in and out of you violently.

Each clip of memory was less clearer then the last more blurred, but the feeling and the pain the tears strong and vivid. Although with the last thing you remember before passing out completely. His breath against your neck and voice in your ear "I hope you enjoyed that as much as me doll face".

Theo pov Y/n had called she was drunk and called me by mistake but it was nice to talk to someone who didn't see me as evil. I heard a voice but couldn't work out who it was. All I could tell was a male voice telling y/n to go with him. I screamed for her not too but she didn't have the phone to her ear . I got dressed when I heard her trying to leave the unknown man, Then was a screaming it was y/n. I got in my car driving towards Lydia's if she was on foot she couldn't be far. I tried calling Scott's phone back hearing it ringing in the distance running to it. I found the phone on the floor and called her, finally I could the smell of blood. Following the sent I found her. Her hair was messy, face swollen, dirty and cut. Her dress ripped hardly covering her beaten body. I took my jacket wrapping her in it. I could sense someone else around the woods, I picked her up taking her to the tunnels to a place I felt safe.

The only girl who felt anything for me or I felt anything for, was broken and beaten in the light I could truly how much. Something inside me broke, I got a clean shirt putting it on her, getting clothes and water for when she woke up.

**real time** You cried as Theo hugged you. You had told him everything you had remembered. "I don't know who it was I don't remember his face" you said to him. "I promise I'll find him y/n" he answered full of hate, his arms tighten and for the first time since you woke in Theo's bed you relaxed. It was nearly 6am and Theo asked of you was ready to go to the Sheriff. You nod asking if he had a bathroom you could wash up in. Really you wanted a mirror to she how bad you really looked. In the past couple of hours, Theo you look at you with explainable looks, a mix of sadness and cringing. He showed you a small room turning a light on, saying the water was cold but you didn't care.

Once he closed the door you ran to the mirror. The was a large bruise across your cheek bone with a deep cut. Two big bite marks on your neck. You shudder at the thought of him doing it. The cuts and grazes on both your shoulders and hand print bruises on your arms. The sight made you sick running to the toilet you vomited causing the pain deep in your stomach. Theo ran in holding your hair back and your hand, you notice his vain go black instantly you feel the pain fade.

** few days later in school ** Theo had stayed with you the rest of the weekend. He went with you to sheriff Stilinski and waited for the who interview and then took you to Melissa so she could do a hospital rape kit. Waiting outside until your finished just like he had at the station. Theo tried to talk you into taking the time off school but you wouldn't listen to him. "everyone at that party goes to our school" you say to him "and so is the wanker who did this to me" you get dressed wearing a zip up hoodie to hide your bruised body. Theo stayed with you sat next to you in classes even of he didn't have that class. He even waited outside the toilet for you. "have you seen her face, I know Theo has a reputation but I didn't think he was like that" a girl from your maths class was talking with some other girls, claiming Theo was responsible for hurting you. "Theo didn't hurt me if you keep spreading lies you'll regret it" you said putting them straight. Outside Theo smiled he'd heard everything you'd said to the girls. You walked over to Scott to give him his phone back. Theo had doubts about Scott as you was last talking to him before the attack.

"hi y/n" he said with a smile then frowned when he saw you with Theo. "What happened to you? " he asks when he see's the blackened marks and cut on your cheek "nothing I'm fine! here's you phone" you coldly handing it over feeling nervous. He was to reach a hand out to you but you stepped back a little. Scott looked down at his feet "look I'm sorry about trying to kiss I don't know why I did it" he confesses. You give him a soft smile before walking away with Theo. "it's not him" Theo says holding your hand calming your anxiety that was building. You looked up at him waiting for more "his heartbeat didn't change he wasn't the voice on the phone too his breathing is different" Theo explained. Lydia and Allison saw you in the library. Came over "so are you dating Theo coz it really looks like? hes hardly felt you all day?" Lydia asked.

It was true in the past few days he always held your hand or had his arm around you. It was like you had become a couple without ether of you actually saying or asking. You looked at her shrugging you shoulders as you all walked and talked to your next class "I don't know he's just been there for me since.. " you didn't finish. Lydia knew what had happened because of stiles who found out from his dad. Soon the whole school would know now Noah started the in school interviews. He'd already spoke with a few of the boys in your year already "didn't you have a good time with me?" spinning your head to the new voice. Jackson was stood with his mate Danny. "What are you talking about" Lydia asked for you. He looked at you again with a smile "y/n she left the party early, what didn't you have a good time with me doll face" you froze at his works "doll face" played in your mind the same name you remember from that night.

You slowly walk backwards when you see something out the corner of your eye. It was Theo he ran at Jackson pushed him to the floor. "What the hell" Jackson shouted "it was you who attacked y/n" he roared back. Jackson just laughed "I wouldn't call it an attack more a good time" everyone gasped at his confession and lack of remorse, the comments around the class room from shocked classmates.

Theo punched him Jackson hit the floor Theo sitting on his chest punching Jackson repeatedly. Holding his head and hitting again "you think your funny drugging girls" he hit Jackson again "dragging them into the woods and raping them" again another powerful punch. You scream to stiles to go get his dad, you see the short haired boy leave as you try to stop Theo. The class was now around them trying to pull Theo off.

Jackson stood up his face covered in blood. He looked at you with an explainable look it was like a smirk but also a glare like it's not over, everyone's reaction the class all looked at him with disgust or a saddened look at you. Theo saw him glaring at you "don't you even look at her" Theo shouted as he lunged at Jackson but Scott grabbed him as stiles's dad ran in grabbing Jackson putting him in handcuffs.

Theo looked you was shaking and crying he hugged you pulling you close to his chest. "shhh it's okay y/n he can't hurt you" his voice was kind and sweet. You felt his hand on your back rubbing small cycles to calm you "I'll never let anything happen to you again, never let anyone hurt you. I love you y/n" he whispered. You tighten you hug happy at his words Theo walks you out the room and the both of you go with Parrish to give your statements. When you had finished Theo held your hand taking you home. You relaxed breathing a sigh of relief knowing who had hurt you and he would never do it again.

#theo raeken #theo raekan imagine #teen wolf imagine #scott mccall #jackson whittemore #theo x reader #theo reaken x reader

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