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diaryofabeautyfiend · 3 years

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* ⚠️ Warnings: A lot of angst. Mentions of sex. A little fluff. People drinking alcohol. ⚠️ This one shot was never meant to be a series. All of your love and appreciation spurred me in to write more. Hope you like this chapter. I cried while I was writing it. Part 5 is the finale.

Plain Gold Ring IV:

You Don’t Know What Love Is

“How could you know how lips hurt

'Till you've kissed and had to pay the cost

Baby, 'till you've flipped your heart and you have lost

You don't know what love is” Nina Simone

———————————————————————

Being on the board of your firm’s charity gala was a huge deal. On top of your normal duties you were in charge of the silent auction. The final auction items had all arrived and you had been busy categorizing everything and preparing for the night that you barely have time to focus on the Andy and Lori situation.

Not that it wasn’t grating on your last nerve. You were so short with everyone at work that it was becoming a problem. Stan had to have a talk with you. You just had to focus and get through this event.

Andy helped as much as he could. He was supportive when you were frustrated and quickly learned when to back off. Sometimes you were up until the wee hours he would literally drag you to bed. He knew how to keep your mind off of work for a while.

You were so busy that you hadn’t even purchased a dress. You and Liz went shopping after work. She was the only person to know about you and Andy.

“What do you think of this one? Think Andy will like it?” You wore a black long sleeved gown with a v that went down to right above your belly button and a slit up to your mid thigh.

“I mean, I’d fuck you.” she deadpanned. This was the dress. You would be comfortable in it all night. You also looked like a powerful bitch who would slit your throat.

———————————————————————

You had to be at the site earlier than the guests so you did your hair and most of your makeup at home. Andy had not seen your dress on purpose. You wanted him to see you when he walked in with Lori. Your petty brain was on overdrive.

“Well you look great” Andy said pointing to your sweats.

“Shush. I’m not putting on my dress and heels until the last second. I pressed your shirt it’s hanging in your closet. I also picked up your tux from the cleaners.”

He slid his arms around you and looked at you in the mirror. “Why are you so good to me?” His hands roamed your body and made contact with your bare skin under your tshirt.

“I am gonna be late.” You swatted his hands away.

“You have four hours. Didn’t you hire party planners?”

“Yes. I still need to get my nails done and set up the auction. You can have your way with me later.”

“But I want to now” he whined. “Please. I’ll be really quick.”

You giggled , “Sounds really fun for me. You know I would never ever miss an opportunity to cum all over your cock…” your face was so close to his your lips were nearly touching. Your hands were on his chest. His were on your hips pulling you closer. “But I have to go. Bye, baby.”

“Tease! You’ll pay for that.” he called after you.

You winked at him as you headed out of the door, “I certainly hope so.”

All Andy could do was laugh. He wished he could spend this evening whisking you around the dance floor. He couldn’t wait to see how beautiful you would look tonight.

In two days you would be on your way to Chicago. The movers were already on the way with your furniture. Your suitcase was in the process of being packed. He hated it. He was taking a long weekend to help you get settled. By Wednesday morning you would have to say goodbye. His heart broke a little every time he thought about it. Every single day he wanted to say he loved you. He was reluctant to ruin what you had knowing there was no way around the inevitable.

———————————————————————

Everything was set. The only thing left was for you to get dressed. You re-sprayed your hair and put on your jewelry. You spritzed Chanel over your wrists neck and cleavage. Last thing was to coat your lips in a matte oxblood to match your nails. You looked sleek and downright terrifying. Just as you planned.

“They just walked in.” Liz whispered from the doorway.

“How does she look?”

“Pretty and appropriate.”

“How do I look?”

“Like a bad bitch. Let’s go.”

You walked out with your shoulders back and your head high. You made sure the gown swished enough to expose your legs and the impossibly high heels you wore. Andy saw you from across the room and stopped dead in his tracks. You looked like you were walking in slow motion. He almost dropped his drink.

You made a b line for Stan and his wife Elaine who were standing directly behind the other couple. He smelled your perfume wafting off of you when you walked by. He almost lost it right there.

“Y/N! What a knockout. Elaine, isn’t she gorgeous?” You kissed his cheek with the side of your mouth careful not to smear your lipstick.

“Christ, Stan. Keep it in your pants. You look beautiful, honey.”

“Thank you, Elaine. So good to see you. Lovely as always.”

“Thank you, dear. Now how is it possible you are here without a date? Stan, you work the poor thing so much she can’t even find a man. That’s why she’s leaving you.”

“And for many other reasons” you joked. You were very much aware that Andy was behind you. “Elaine have you met Andy and Lori Barber?”

You took Lori’s hand and ushered them over. “No, I haven’t. So nice to finally meet you.”

“You get to know each other. I’m going to grab a drink. Can I get anyone anything?” Such a good hostess.

“I’d love a scotch. Elaine wine?” She nodded.

“Andy?”

“You won’t be able to carry all of those drinks. Let me come with you.” Andy patted Lori on the arm. “I’ll be right back.” When you were far enough away he took a long look at you. “How long til I get to rip that dress off of you?”

Your cheeks heated, “You won’t be ripping anything. This dress cost a fortune. It’s far too pretty to ruin especially with panty lines.”

“Fuck. I’m gonna ruin that pussy.”

“Promises promises, Mr. Barber.” He groaned and adjusted his pants.

“Such a tease.”

You delivered the drinks and excused yourself. For the rest of the night Andy only caught glimpses of you. He tried not to make it obvious but Lori could see. Once upon a time he looked at her like that. Except the way he looked at you was a look of complete adoration.

You tried avoiding the Barbers all night. The whole time Andy schmoozed and did his Andy thing, his arm was around her waist. She kept her hand on his chest. They were always finding little ways to touch each other. When he kissed her temple you nearly broke the clipboard you were holding.

Stan stood next to you draining his fourth drink, “You ok there, champ? Sweet couple aren’t they?”

“Yeah. They’re adorable.” You slammed the rest of your Old Fashion.

“Reminds me of me and Katherine . Remember Katherine?”

“Was she your second or third wife? I don’t remember.” Your words were dripping with sarcasm.

“Second. Every time we had one of these things Katherine was on my arm. She was great at this shit. She’d chat it up with the partner’s wives earning me brownie points while I fucked Elaine’s brains out in the John. Know why I married Elaine? She was the best goddamn litigator I’d ever seen. Gets my dick hard every time I think about it. She lit a fire in me that couldn’t be stoked. Kind of like you do for Andy.”

You blanched, “What do you mean?”

“Oh save it. I know you’re fucking. The whole office does. I see how he looks at you. But you can’t see how you look at him. Don’t let the act fool you. He’s stupid for you. Let me keep him for a couple of months before you move him to Chicago ok? He can make us some serious money.” He patted you on the ass and went back to Elaine. She was waiting for him with a big smile that he drunkenly devoured.

———————————————————————

The band started playing. When a slow song came on Lori took Andy’s hand. “Dance with me?”

For possibly the last time he held her. She closed her eyes, rested her head on his shoulder and let him lead her around the dance floor. He wasn’t reciprocating with the same tenderness. His eyes were held on you.

You watched him place his hand on the small of her back. The way he held her hand was a practiced action that he had perfected over sixteen years. When he let himself get lost for just a moment he was overcome with grief for himself and Lori. He pressed a kiss to her lips. Her heart fluttered and she kissed him back. You rushed out of the room when you saw them.

Lori felt her husband’s body stiffen. His hold on her loosened. It felt like he was forcing his body to stay with her. She understood why his mood shifted when she saw you leaving. She looked up at him. His eyebrows were knitted together with worry.

“How long have you been sleeping with her?” she asked quietly.

“A month. Maybe longer.” He couldn’t look at her. Couldn’t lie.

“So basically since you left.”

“My second day there. Lori, I’m so sorry. It just happened. I wasn’t looking for anything.”

“No, but you were open to something happening. Does everyone here know? Of course they do. I’m so humiliated. I think I’d like to go home.”

“I’ll get the car.”

“No. I can get myself home. This night is too important for you to leave early.”

“Lori…”

“I don’t want to be around you right now, Andy. I can’t.” She let go of his hand and left. She carried herself with poise and dignity but inside she was dying.

You were nowhere to be found. He spotted Liz who was chatting with some friends. “Where is she?”

“Auctions over. She left.”

“Shit. Thanks.”

“Andy, be gentle with her. Idiots.”

He ran to the valet and jumped in his car to race home. When he got out he noticed a suit case in the back of your car. The elevator was taking forever. He took the stairs two at a time to reach you before you got away.

He heard your heels clacking on the hardwood. Clothes were everywhere. “Y/N?”

“Bedroom.” You were still in your pretty dress. Still all made up throwing things in another suitcase.

“Going somewhere?”

“Hotel.”

“Mind telling me why?” His voice was hoarse like he had been screaming.

“The way you held her…you kissed her.” He grabbed your hands to make you look at him but you yanked them away. “This was stupid. I should have never gotten involved with you in the first place. Married men never leave. Please get out of my way, Andy. I have to go.”

“You think this was a mistake?” Slow tears rolled down his face. He undid his bow tie and sat down. “I don’t. I’m glad we met.”

“Why? Because I feel like my heart has been ripped from my chest. So why are you glad?”

“Because you reminded me what it felt like to be cared for. To feel loved. You showed me what I had been missing for a long time now.”

“Happy to have helped.” You continued emptying drawers.

“Please stop packing. Please.” You wouldn’t look at him. He tried grabbing you several times but you moved beyond his reach. “Damn it! Why? Why do you always run when things get hard?”

“I’m not running.”

“No? So Chicago just came up? Or did you put out your resume the second you heard I got the job you wanted?”

Your cheeks heated. “You know how this business works. If I got passed over this time, they’ll keep doing it.”

“Right. And tonight? The second things get weird you run.”

“You kissed her!” You were trying not to cry.

“I know. I was sad. We’ve been Andy and Lori for the majority of our lives. Tonight felt so final. I know we’ll always have Jacob but, there is nothing else there. Please. I am so in love with you. Please.” He dropped to his knees and hugged you tight around your waist.

“Andy, you have to let me go.” He pressed his face into your stomach and broke down. “Andy? Sweetie? Come on. Let go.”

“Tell me you don’t love me and I’ll let you walk out of that door. I’ll never contact you again. But I know you do.”

“Stop….”

“Aren’t you tired of running?” You were tired. You ran away from your family, former lovers, dead end jobs. You wanted to finally be settled. Leave with a clean break. There was nothing clean about this. If you said you loved him there was no going back. This would be at least three years of a long distance relationship because he won’t leave Jacob. You didn’t want him to leave his son. This would be you exhibiting a level of trust you weren’t sure you had. He fell in love with you so fast. In your absence, what would stop him from falling for someone else? You were so weak when it came to Andy. Fucking perfect at everything Andy fucking Barber. Why couldn’t you shake him? Why couldn’t you just walk away like you have been trying to do since the first time you had sex?

BECAUSE WE LOVE HIM YOU DUMB TWAT. Your brain screamed. You couldn’t make your mouth work. You ran your fingers through his hair, “I love you, Andy.”

He pulled you down onto the floor and kissed you with abandon. “Say that again.” he whispered against your mouth.

“I love you. I love you. God help me, I love you.” A smile was plastered on his face for the rest of the night. Packing could wait.

#andy barber smut #andy barber x y/n #andy barber angst #andy barber #defending jacob

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notchesandbullets · 3 years

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Saving Her (Ojiro Mashirao x Wolf!Reader)

A/N: dedicated to the anon who wanted me to write a oneshot about ojiro giving the reader a gift, this fanfic is for you 💖💖 this is incredibly self-indulgent and ive been working on it for over a month now. its almost done but i’ll post what i have so far, i hope you like it!!

Contains reluctant Aizawa to soft Dadzawa, annoying brother Shinsou, pure Eri-chan, bakugou's notorious cursing, sweet and innocent fluff between reader-chan and Ojiro. First friend Ojiro to best friend and then lover. Featuring the rest of Class 1-A and them acting like hooligans.

Part 1: Crashing into Ojiro, Room Competition, meeting Class 1-A and Aizawa, who has some bad news for you when you’re discovered.

Word Count: 7k

The sun was setting, casting a golden glow over the busy city of Musutafu.

Ojiro had planned on taking Tokoyami with him, but his friend was still in the middle of unpacking as he was leaving.

He was on the way back to the dorms from the grocery store with a bag of ingredients and sweets as per Sato's request. It was a bit longer of a walking distance since he was so used to coming from his house and would take some getting used to, now that Heights Alliance was his home.

The streets weren't any busier than usual, but when he saw something flicker out of the corner of his eyes off to the side, he couldn't help but feel as though something was wrong.

Maybe it was his hero blood or something stronger but he didn't waste any time diving into action.

As he rounded the corner, his eyes widened as someone crashed into him, nearly toppling him over. He caught his balance just in time, steadying the person that had collided into his chest but not before he saw it.

Blood matting down your hair had his heart dropping in horror. You were trembling in his arms, positively terrified and it didn't take long to figure out what the cause of your stress was when two more figures slinked out of the shadows.

Ojiro acted quickly, using his tail to whisk the two of you higher until you were out of sight. He curled his arms tightly but carefully around your waist, making sure that you wouldn't fall.

Thanks to Ectoplasm's guidance, he had refined his skills and learned how to be unpredictable.

It wasn't until you two were safely on top of the nearest roof did he loosen his grip. Leaning over the edge cautiously, he watched the strangers bolt off in opposite directions, presumably to look for you. He was pretty sure they didn't see him take you away but he wasn't completely certain. Pulling back, he released you from his hold. But he didn't take any offense to the way you practically flew from his touch.

He could see it in your eyes. Fear as deep as yours shouldn't ever be allowed to get that far, for anyone.

You hugged your trembling body with your arms, desperately willing the anxiety to die down so that you could think straight. All you could think about was running. Far, far away where no one could get to you.

"Ah... sorry to take you away so suddenly like that, but it looked like you seemed to be in trouble." Ojiro apologized.

His sheepish tone made you finally break out of your thoughts and for a moment, the two of you didn't say anything, both of you enamored with the other as you got a proper look.

He didn't think he had ever seen anyone as beautiful as you before. Round orbs blinking up at him curiously, your fuzzy ears perched on top of your head perked up as you met his gaze, bushy tail twitching behind you.

As for you, your mouth dried at the sight of your savior. His golden hair and kind smile made your heart skip a beat for reasons unknown to you. You couldn't stop your tail from thumping excitedly against the rooftop when you saw his tail.

It was much bigger and looked much stronger than yours was and you couldn't stop from bounding over to it eagerly, stretching out a tentative hand to touch it.

But you halted at the last second and recoiled, expecting to be punished for your behavior.

Ojiro frowned, taking notice of your trepidation and offered you an encouraging smile. "It's okay, you can touch it if you'd like."

He lifted his tail slightly, inviting your curiosity forth and a bit nervously, you reached out your hand once again. A wide smile split your features as you felt the soft, short fur underneath, your other hand going up to pet your ears, as if to compare the softness.

Ojiro couldn't help but match your smile at that, finding it adorable. Tucking his legs underneath him so that you could still play with his tail, he breached the topic sensitively.

"What's your name?" He asked quietly. "Who were those guys that were after you?"

At first, you seized up and for a minute there, he was worried he went about asking you the wrong way. But a deep sigh left your lungs and testing the waters, you timidly introduced yourself and began to explain in a concise way, your current situation.

You honestly weren't entirely sure how you got there.

But one bad thing after another landed you in a pretty rough neighborhood notorious for Quirk Traffickers. They looked for people with unique abilities that would sell well on the black market. People paid a lot of money to own those they deemed exotic, particularly kids and teens with quirks that had an effect on their physical appearance.

You were no exception, having been cursed with an extremely rare wolf quirk. All it ever brought you was trouble.

You had heard that quirks were hereditary but yours definitely wasn't. You don't know which ancestor it came from when it appeared out of the blue.

Tiny fangs, fluffy ears and a tail emerged one day. But your excitement of discovering it was short-lived when you were abandoned by your parents the very next day. They had found it disgusting.

Young and innocent, you wandered the streets, not sure what you were supposed to do. That's when they caught you.

You bounced from one owner to another, never staying in one place for very long. You had been brought back to their base of operations in Japan, your last master less than satisfied with you since all you did was hide out of fear of everyone, lashing out when he tried to approach you.

You may or may not have bitten a guest when they tried to touch your ears.

Back in your homeland, that's when you saw your opening.

You didn't know what propelled your legs to start running from the men but pretty soon you were out of breath and out of options. Alone in the alleyway, but not for long, you frantically scanned for an escape route.

And that's when you crashed into him.

A shadow fell over Ojiro's face as he heard you explain your past, hands balling into fists at his sides. He wouldn't stand behind while someone was tormenting you. No hero would allow something like this to continue.

Coming to his decision instantly, he stood up, extending a hand out to you.

"Y/N, will you come with me?" He asked, gaze unwavering. "I think I know where you'll be safe, at least for now."

You paused, skeptical. "I-I... I don't know."

He squatted down beside you, patting your head gently. If there was more time, he would've been more patient but he couldn't help but feel uneasy the longer you guys stayed out in the open. Even if you were out of sight, a rooftop wasn't a permanent place for you to hide out in.

Your eyes went wide but you didn't shrink away. You didn't know why. Anytime someone reached for your head, they always had this glint in their eyes, but this time, he looked desperate.

Desperate for you to believe him.

"You must have a hard time trusting people after all you've been through." Ojiro empathized before urgency seeped into his tone. "I really don't want to leave you alone. My sensei might be able to help you but only if you come with me."

You still didn't look entirely convinced but he didn't blame you.

"If you don't like what he says, then you don't have to listen." Ojiro reassured you easily. "No one's going to force you to do anything. You can make your own choice but let me at least give you more options."

That was what finally made you drop your guard, still wary but choosing to trust him for now. After all, he did save you earlier.

You put your hand in his, cheeks warming as he squeezed it slightly.

"Okay."

The two of you traveled to Heights Alliance, the dormitory for Class 1-A of UA High School. He immediately found his teacher, Aizawa, and told him of your circumstances. The man's rough and rugged appearance caused fear to flash through you but only for an instant.

He concealed it well but he seemed kind. Not outwardly like Ojiro, but it was enough to reassure you for now.

All throughout Ojiro's explanation, you hid behind his broad back, shivering at the way his tail curled around your waist to keep you close to him.

It was weird. It didn't feel restricting like you expected it to, it almost felt protective. You kind of liked it. You giggled as the furry tip of his tail tickled your nose playfully and you batted at it, eyes shining as you momentarily forgot where you were.

Aizawa was silent as his student finished explaining why he had a wolf girl attached to his side, scratching the back of his neck as he racked his brain to come up with a solution that wouldn't land you back in that same place again but also without compromising the safety of his students.

Since you were an orphan and a minor, the police would most likely take you to an orphanage, in which case the people looking for you would certainly find you. Aizawa called Principal Nezu and got permission from him to house you at the dorms until the threat hanging over your head was dealt with by the authorities.

You blinked when he asked you if you wanted to stay with them for the time being while they ironed out all the details and see what could be done for a more permanent residence but accepted his offer with a shy and grateful smile.

Then was the matter of actually carrying it out.

The two wanted to settle you in a room of your own but your ears flattened against your head in distress at the suggestion so they quickly dropped that idea.

Aizawa ran a hand tiredly through his hair, unsure of how to resolve this when you clearly were in danger but didn't want to be left alone. The less people that knew of your whereabouts the better and even though he knew Yaoyorozu would probably do a good job looking after you, you clung to Ojiro's side like glue.

You seemed the most comfortable with him and he figured they could use that for now.

Needless to say, Ojiro was surprised when Aizawa suggested he take care of you until the man could figure out a way to accommodate you without you having an anxiety attack but he readily agreed with a slight blush on his face.

He just wanted you to be safe and happy and he was stunned that his sensei trusted him enough to be responsible for you.

Aizawa promptly handed him a small first-aid kit to take care of the blood smeared on your forehead after ensuring that it wasn't anything serious. It was just a slight nick, shallow enough not to need any stitches since it would heal relatively quickly. He told him to clean it before it got infected and his student nodded seriously.

"You can count on me, Aizawa-sensei!!" Ojiro said, bowing respectfully to thank him for all he had done before leaving.

With Ojiro guiding the way, the two of you snuck through the back door and up into his room for you to get settled in. The other students in his class were bustling around the common floor, moving all their things into their respective rooms, hoping to get it done before dark.

It was loud and chaotic, or maybe that was just your sensitive ears picking up on it more. Curiosity peaked, you peeked around the corner after you ensured you were out of their sight, gaze falling on the activity going on below from the second floor.

Ojiro softly pointed each one of them out, telling you their names as they talked over each other.

"I can't believe we get to live together!!" Ashido exclaimed happily, doing a little dance in front of Hagakure and Uraraka. "This is so exciting!!"

"I can't believe my parents agreed to it!!" The invisible girl commented, undoubtedly puffing out her cheeks.

The red-haired and yellow-haired boys who were wrestling in the corner paused for a second to join in on the girls' conversation.

"Did you have a hard time convincing them?" Kirishima asked, only to be smacked upside the head by Kaminari. "Ow, what the heck man?!"

"Why are you asking such a dumb question?" The electric boy retorted, kicking up his feet and smirking. "She could've always just snuck out of the house if they said no. You know, invisibility quirk and all."

He leaped up with a yelp as something shocked him from behind, whirling around to glare at Jirou, who was twirling her earphone jack around a finger nonchalantly.

She sighed, retracting the other one from where she had send an electric pulse through him. "What an idiot."

Kaminari gripped his hair, nearly tearing it out in frustration. "That's what I'm saying!!"

Sero, who was passing by with a box full of his things, stopped and raised an eyebrow. "You know she's talking about you, right?"

"That's not true!!" Kaminari shouted incredulously.

"It's true." Jirou retorted flatly.

The others in the vicinity burst into laughter and you couldn't help but giggle a bit along with them, muffling the sound behind your hand in fear that they would catch you spying on them.

Ojiro's tail twined around your waist gently, steering you towards the elevators. "C'mon, this way."

That contraption alone was the most nerve-wracking thing you've experienced so far. Luckily, the ride wasn't long but that was the only upside. Your tail swished nervously behind you and you didn't relax until the door to his room on the third floor softly clicked closed behind you.

Ojiro breathed a sigh of relief, glancing up at you. You had made it without being spotted by anyone. Thankfully.

He didn't have many things, so moving in wasn't a problem for him and it didn't take too long. He was one of the first ones to finish, along with Shoji, and helped Sato unpack his things until his friend noticed he needed some more ingredients for the cake he wanted to make later on.

The plastic bag crinkled as he took out the snacks he had found while he was getting Sato more flour and sugar. Your nose twitched cutely and he had to refrain from poking your cheek, lest he scare you off.

Your tail was less frazzled now and he took it as a sign that you were getting accustomed to your surroundings.

His eyes softened as you took in his room, pawing at the neat collection of books on his desk before your attention flitted up to the high shelving above your head.

This time, Ojiro couldn't contain his fond smile as he reached over you to grab what you were longingly looking at.

Your eyes went wide as his chest pressed against your back, he easily reached it since he was taller than you. A small giraffe plushie landed in your hands not long after.

He tilted his head, eyes crinkling at the edges as he smiled at you. "Cute, right?"

His little sister, Holly, gave it to him as a going-away present when he moved into the dorms. He missed her so much already but the presence of this little stuffed giraffe soothed his heart.

You held it so gently, as if you were scared you would destroy it.

"Yeah..." You trailed off quietly and he beamed.

It was his first time hearing your voice so unrestrained and free from the fear that gripped you earlier but nothing could have prepared him for how pure and precious it was. He ruffled your hair gently, being mindful of your fluffy ears and looking out for any signs you were uncomfortable with the affectionate gesture.

But his heart skipped a beat when you closed your eyes at his touch, clearly enjoying it and even going so far as to butt your head against his hand in a silent plea for more pets.

You flushed when he chuckled, obliging you for a minute longer until you were like putty in his hands.

The both of you jumped when a loud crash came from downstairs, accompanied by a flurry of enraged shouting and colorful insults even through the many floors. Ojiro casted a worried glance at you but all his concern melted away when a little giggle left your lips.

Relieved that you didn't seem to be too shaken by the noise, he offered the snacks he bought earlier, taking the package and ripping it open for you when you fumbled with it.

Thanking him quietly, you nibbled on the food gratefully. The flavors exploded in your mouth and you positively beamed, radiating the same pure energy you emitted earlier when you had spoken to him.

Ojiro maneuvered around you, finding what he was looking for pretty quickly.

You looked up curiously when he came back, shifting your weight on your knees, unsure of why he was holding a water bottle in your field of vision.

"I need to treat your cut, is that okay?" He asked, unscrewing the cap and pouring a little bit on the cloth he got from the first-aid kit. He didn't want to startle you, so he narrated what he was doing.

You nodded, setting down your half-eaten cookie carefully and brushed back your tangled hair as much as you could so that it wasn't in the way.

Your breath caught in your throat when he moved closer to you. He angled your chin up, gazing into your eyes as he wiped the blood away first to assess the damage done.

"It's going to sting a little bit." He murmured, preparing the antibiotic.

Squeezing your eyes shut, you gripped onto the lapels of his blazer, practically ripping it as your claws came out when he dabbed the cut. You whimpered in pain, tears leaking out of the corner of your eyes at how much it hurt.

Ojiro faltered, your whimper sending a spike straight through his heart and he hastened, not wanting you to be in pain any longer. But he was thorough, well aware that if he didn't do a good job now, there was a chance you would have to endure it again. As soon as he disinfected it, he applied a couple butterfly closures to aid the healing process.

It wasn't bleeding anymore and he sighed in relief.

You panted heavily when he was finally done. Rubbing your eyes furiously, you blinked through your blurry vision, frantically scanning the room as his warmth suddenly disappeared.

"Y/N-chan?"

The voice was close by but not close enough. Your breathing started to pick up, hands clammy and tail fluffed out. An obvious sign you were stressed.

"Y/N-chan!!"

This time, it was a lot closer and you sank back, relieved beyond belief as the familiar sensation of his tail encircling your waist returned.

You stammered out his name, blindly reaching for him.

"Where did you go?" Your whispered, fingers trembling uncontrollably as he pulled you into his chest.

"Just had to put away the bandages." He reassured you, concerned with how quickly you were to losing it. "Are you okay?"

Your ears flopped back and forth at how vigorously you nodded, as if you needed to convince him like your life depended on it and his mouth twisted into a small frown.

"You don't have to do that." He said, going to pet you once more, smiling in relief as your tail finally stopped lashing behind you.

"... 'm sorry." You mumbled sadly, clutching onto the front of his jacket.

"It's okay." Ojiro replied, stroking your hair to calm you down. "You didn't do anything wrong."

Just how much pain had you endured?

This time when he stood up, you were okay. Somehow comforted that he wasn't going to go anywhere anytime soon, you polished off your snack as he got something else from the closet.

"Here."

You perked up at the sight of the blue hoodie in his outstretched hand.

Ojiro laughed at your expression of awe as you accepted it and ran your fingers over the material. "You seemed cold so how about you hang onto this for now?"

It was one of his lounging hoodies that he didn't wear too often but it was rather warm and would hopefully stop you from shivering. That tattered dress you were wearing looked like it was about to go any second. He didn't want to know how weak your immune system was to be freezing cold in the middle of August.

You beamed happily, bowing repeatedly. "Thank you, Ojiro-san!!"

It had gotten stuck over your head when you tried to pull it down though and with a muffled squeak that gained his attention, he tugged down the hem, smiling when your ears and flushed face popped through.

Just when I thought she couldn't get any cuter... He thought to himself as you began to run around the room, climbing on anything and everything once he told you that he didn't mind.

His clothes swallowed your smaller frame and he found it incredibly endearing with the way you would flap your arms around, claiming you had sweater paws. It fell just above your knees, keeping it modest.

He steered you away from the balcony for now, wanting you to stay where he could keep an eye on you.

After a few more hours of you getting adjusted, you had tuckered yourself out and curled up into a ball on the floor at the foot of his bed.

Ojiro frowned once he noticed you taking a nap on the hard surface, abandoning his studying at his desk to take you in his arms and placing you in his bed.

You stirred, heavy eyelids struggling to open as you croaked out, "W-What? Ojiro-san, what's going on??"

"You can't sleep on the floor, Y/N-chan." He chided lightly. "It's not good for your back."

Sleepy haze diminishing, you bolted upright, nearly smacking him in the face when you realized where he had put you.

"I can't sleep in your bed!!" You burst out incredulously.

Ojiro hushed you, worriedly glancing at the door as if his friends would come barging in without any warning but luckily they didn't. He didn't put it past them but this was one time where he didn't want them to do that.

He tried to ease you back down but you wouldn't obey.

"Don't worry, the sheets are new." He reassured.

His eyebrow furrowed when you shook your head violently from side to side, wondering what you were so worked up about. You tried to climb out and he let you but didn't let you go too far.

"What's wrong?" He asked quickly, the possibility that he had offended you coming to light. "I didn't mean to—"

"I'm not allowed to!!" You suddenly blurted out.

He did a double take and you looked over his shoulder, your eyes darting everywhere else besides him.

Crouching down to your level, he soothed you gently. "Hey, it's okay. What do you mean you're not allowed to?"

You absentmindedly picked at the wound closures on your forehead, swallowing thickly when he took your hand in his to prevent you from messing with the bandages.

"Y/N-chan?" He prompted.

Your mutter was so quiet he had to strain himself to hear you right and when he did, he asked you to repeat it because by All Might was his blood boiling if he heard you correctly.

You gulped, intimidated by the brazen anger in his eyes, fiddling with the hem of his hoodie.

"They said we're animals and called us dirty. We're not supposed to sleep where humans do." With each word, you got quieter until his face was right in front of yours. "They were right... weren't they?"

Squeaking as you got engulfed in a hug, you tensed up and he broke it, apologizing profusely.

"I'm sorry, I just," He ran a hand through his hair, conflicted. "They couldn't be more wrong."

He didn't touch you but he didn't need to for you to feel his warm presence extending out towards you and covering you in the most love you've experienced since your parents left.

"You might have an animal quirk but you're human just like the rest of us and don't deserve to be treated any less than that by anyone." He emphasized, then pounded a fist to his chest. "From now on, I'll look out for you and show you what it's like to be treated like an equal, as a friend, if you'll let me."

Ojiro held out his hand. "Deal?"

You sniffled, unbelievably moved by his kindness after only knowing you for less than a day. "Deal."

You sealed it with a handshake and he gestured to the rumpled bed behind him.

Waving his hand grandly, he proclaimed, "Your napping space awaits."

He internally winced at how corny that sounded but hearing your laughter ring in the air more than made up for it. As he helped you settle beneath the covers, he reassured you constantly but patiently that you really were allowed to sleep in a bed and no, you weren't bothering him or being a burden.

After that, you couldn't fall asleep right away and he really didn't want to study anymore so the two of you talked.

He told you about his family, how he got into UA, stuttering nervously a couple of times only to shoot you a grateful smile when you didn't judge or make fun of him. He told you about his little sister, a cute, precious little girl who was growing up faster than he liked to admit. Retelling and entertaining you with stories of his classmates and their adventures, his tail flicked up excitedly when you started to chime in with experiences of your own.

Things you could remember from your past. Foods you liked, hobbies you had, friends you liked to play with, and he listened attentively through it all. When you started to drift off, you sleepily mumbled offhandedly how you liked it when he patted your head or rubbed your ears.

And you especially liked it when he would hug you with his tail.

Ojiro just smiled softly, tucking the blanket around you before brushing the hair away from your face. You looked so peaceful. He got to his feet and stretched his arms over his head, jaw dropping in surprise when his gaze landed on the bag discarded on the floor. He had completely forgotten about that.

Shaking your shoulder to rouse you from your tranquil state, he whispered apologies when you finally opened your eyes.

"I'm so sorry I woke you up but I have to go to Sato-kun's room really quick to give him the flour and sugar I bought earlier, okay?" He rushed out, tripping over his words to get it out faster so that you could go back to sleep.

"Can't I go with you?" You mumbled, still half asleep.

Ojiro shook his head, remembering what Aizawa said about exposure. Sure, he trusted his classmates but there was a big difference between what he wanted and what was logical. Your chances were better off with the less that people knew you of your whereabouts so he refused, even though it nearly broke his heart when you trained your wide orbs on him.

Pushing out your bottom lip slightly, tears collected at the corner of your eyes. "You don't want me there?"

He was quick to kneel down by your side, unable to stop himself from pressing his forehead to your temple in a desperate attempt to make the sadness in your voice fade away.

"No, no, princess, it's not that at all." The pet name slipped out faster than he could stop it but he didn't even stop. "You're safer here for right now. And I'll only be gone for a minute."

He rubbed the back of your hand with his thumb. "Okay?"

You mustered up a wobbly smile for him. "Okay..."

He wanted to text Sato to come to his room to pick it up so that he wouldn't have to leave you but that would stir up questions, especially since he wouldn't allow his friend inside and that would undoubtedly create a mayhem within his peers at what he was hiding. For aspiring heroes, they were still teenagers after all. And they loved to bug each other like it, too.

Ojiro sighed as he forced himself to detach from you, tucking the blanket securely around you before he stepped quietly out the door.

For once in his life, he kind of wished he wasn't living with his classmates.

After he left, you tried to quell the anxiety and insecurities. Twisting and turning, your mind raced, spiraling out of control. He didn't abandon you, he was just returning something to his friend. He would be back soon. He promised you.

But as the minutes ticked by, it felt like hours and you couldn't wait any longer. Throwing off the covers, your legs shook as you stepped towards the door. However, you froze in place and your ears twitched, picking up the sounds faster than the average human which normally would've given you an advantage but you couldn't move in time.

The door flew open with a bang, slamming into the wall and making you jump nearly five feet into the air. On the other side stood the girl with pink hair and skin that you had seen earlier, along with the electric boy and a few others you didn't recognize.

You shrunk back as the group exploded into chaos, directing questions towards you faster than you could process or fend off on your own. Your panic rose as they flooded in, clutching your hands tightly to your chest at the overwhelming amount of people in the cramped space.

Then, your eyes widened as someone shouted frantically for them to move, shouldering his way through until he came to you. You willed your feet to move but they wouldn't obey no matter how hard you tried, your body still frozen in fear. It didn't matter though because he reached you within seconds.

"Guys, seriously, back off!!" Ojiro shouted above the clamor, his tail pulling you close and tucked you under his arm. "You're scaring her!!"

At the strain in his usually light tone, his friends started to quiet down one by one and he turned his full attention on you.

"You okay?" He murmured, cradling your jaw and inspecting your face for any hint that you might've been hurt.

You didn't say anything, just threw your arms around him and brushed your nose against the crook of his neck, scenting him. His warm scent eased you and brought you back down bit by bit until your feet were planted firmly on the ground.

Even though he had no clue what you were doing, it was making the tension wound in your body disappear fast so he didn't have any issues with it. But his breath hitched as a soft rumble emitted from the back of your throat in contentment, squeezing you once before letting you go. He didn't detach his tail from you though, using it as a wall to keep his overeager friends from coming too close.

Ojiro let you do what you needed in that moment and in the minutes that followed, his friends began peppering you with questions. He let you keep your face nuzzled into his chest as you shyly answered them but he answered for you whenever you hesitated so that you wouldn't be put in an uncomfortable position of refusing them.

He had already seen what you were like when something that was normal for them went against what was ingrained into you and his arms curled around you tighter in an effort to protect you.

You were thankful for him taking most of the pressure off of you, timidly straying from his side when he encouraged you to talk to the girls a little bit more. You warmed up to them much faster than the rest, your eyes brightening up excitedly when they told you there was a girl among their friend group who had a frog quirk.

He sighed as Yaoyorozu and Ashido led you away from the boys with the rest of the girls in tow to go to a space where the environment would be better for you. Feeling bad that the secret had gotten out already, he winced as he thought of the penalty he would face once he told Aizawa.

Kaminari smirked, leaning against the doorframe after you exited. "Man, where have you been hiding her?"

Ojiro shot him a look that told him to keep quiet, not in the mood for playing around. "That's not funny."

"C'mon man, we're just teasing." Kirishima added on, not picking up on the tense energy of the room. "You could've at least told us you had a girlfriend, she's really cute."

"If not a little shy." Sero grinned, elbowing him in the ribs teasingly. "Don't worry, it's not like we're going to steal her away or anything."

"You should not have a girl in your room, Ojiro!!" Iida declared, chopping his hands in the air to emphasize his point despite the inconsiderate snickering occurring on the other side of the room by the three of them. "It is not appropriate!!"

Shoji, Sato and Koda all elected to remain silent, studying their friend's shadowed expression as their other classmates relentlessly teased him.

Forehead creasing in annoyance at the continuous jabs, Ojiro blurted out, "Guys, stop!! It's not something to joke about!!"

He sank to the floor, head in his hands and for the first time since they burst in, the guys finally took notice of the way his shoulders shook and how anxiety seemed to roll off of him in waves.

"She's in real danger." Ojiro told them quietly. "There are bad people looking for her so you guys can't talk about her, alright?"

"Please." He begged, not caring how desperate he sounded.

All he wanted was for you to be safe. All he wanted was for you to live the life you had been robbed of without having to look over your shoulder to see if someone was following you or not.

Shoji uncrossed his duplicate arms, stance broadening. "We won't."

"Yeah," Kirishima inserted, rubbing the back of his neck, ashamed of his behavior earlier. "Sorry man, had no idea."

Scattered apologies followed his and reluctantly, Ojiro raised his head, mouth set in a determined line. He didn't answer too many questions about your situation, wanting to keep as much of it as he could private until he knew how you felt about telling them and stood up. Now that damage control had been dealt with, all that was left was to tell Aizawa.

Piece of cake.

Back with the girls, you were dragged back to the elevators to get to the girls' side. Since Jirou's was the closest, you guys went there. Your expression filled with awe at the many instruments that hung on the walls, wanting to touch them but you didn't want to get in trouble so you kept your hands stiffly by your sides.

Ashido enthusiastically led you to the plushiest spot on the floor and for a second, you were reminded of the little stuffed giraffe Ojiro let you play with when he caught you looking at it. A smile tugged at the corner of your lips and you jumped when the girls squealed.

"Who are you thinking about?" Ashido pried, eyes glimmering with mischief. "It's Ojiro-kun, isn't it?!"

Your mouth opened and closed, unable to form a response to that. You covered your ears when she shrieked excitedly, taking your silence as your answer and dancing around the room.

"Mina-chan, calm down, you're a little too loud." Yaoyorozu told her gently before reaching over to pat your shoulder. "Where did you come from?"

Mouth parting in shock at how blatant she was being, you twiddled with the strings of Ojiro's hoodie. "Um, well, they told me that my breed is mixed so I don't sell as well as a purebred but I'm fast and—"

"Oh goodness no!!" Ashido interrupted, eyes widened in horror and if you looked around you would've seen all the other girls wearing that exact same expression. "That's not what she meant!!"

Tilting your head to the side clueless, you frowned. "It's not?"

"No!!" Yaoyorozu exclaimed, horrified by what you had to have been through to respond like that on instinct. "I meant how did you get in the dormitory, in Ojiro-san's room nonetheless!!"

"Ah, well... that, um... I—" You cut off your stammering with a frustrated sigh. "I'm not sure how much I'm allowed to tell you."

"That's okay." Uraraka reassured you easily.

Her energy reminded you of Ojiro.

"Is it true that you're in danger?" Jirou spoke up for the first time since the gang of girls invaded her room.

Your jaw dropped in shock but your expression cleared when she waved her earjacks around pointedly. That must've been how she could hear and judging by the timing of her question, you concluded that Ojiro must have been the one talking about your circumstances. And since you didn't feel like he would knowingly put you into danger, you told them what you told him.

Their expressions crumbled before you, losing all semblance of their happy-go-lucky personalities as disbelief took over.

Yaoyorozu's eyes filled with tears. "You had to endure all of that alone?"

"That's horrible!!" Ashido cried out.

"I'm so sorry!!" Uraraka and Hagakure shouted simultaneously.

"I can't imagine what that must've been like." Jirou said, her eyes sad. "You're here now though, so Aizawa-sensei must've given you permission."

You nodded, knees tucked under you as you gripped the hem of the blue sweatshirt. "Yes, but it was only supposed to be a temporary solution and no one else was supposed to find out."

Hesitating, you gulped. "If... If this gets out, I—"

"Don't worry, Y/N-chan!!" Ashido exclaimed, shooting to her feet and pumping her fist in the air. "We'll definitely protect you."

Jirou nodded, fueled by her friend. "Yeah!!"

"You can count on us!!" Hagakure jumped up beside her.

"They won't be able to touch you anymore now that you've got us!!" Yaoyorozu declared determinedly.

"Let's go!!" Uraraka cheered. "Plus Ultra!!"

You burst into sobs at their overwhelming support despite only having just met them and the girls crowded around you in the best group hug you've ever received.

After that emotional roller coaster, they were going to bring you back to Ojiro's room since that's where you wanted to stay for the night but they heard your stomach growling and collectively decided to feed you with whatever they could find in the kitchen.

Yaoyorozu was pretty sure there was some leftover pizza that the guys had bought earlier that day.

Your protests fell on deaf ears as Ashido and Uraraka dragged you all the way there, Jirou trailing behind as Yaoyorozu and Hagakure ran ahead.

"You don't want your own room?" Jirou questioned when they finally released you.

You shook your head. "I... I don't really like being alone and Ojiro-san is my first friend I've had in a long time, so I... I trust him."

She nodded understandingly. "I get it."

"That is soooo cute!!" Hagakure swooned, balancing several boxes of various packaged Japanese snacks in her arms.

You blushed beet red, flushing further when the girls cooed at how cute you were. Pulling the collar of the hoodie up to hide your smile, you pleaded for them to stop embarrassing you. Tea kettle whistling on the stove as Yaoyorozu prepared some jasmine tea, Uraraka brought out the pizza box she had just found from the industrial-sized fridge, handing it to you after heating it up.

"Isn't this someone's food?" You questioned, not touching it. You didn't want to eat it if it belonged to someone.

Jirou pushed it towards you encouragingly with her earphone jack, smirking. "Trust me, Kaminari won't miss it."

You decided to take her word for it.

You had barely finished half a slice when the front door opened and the chilly night air blew inside. Turning around, you hopped off of the stool you were perched on and ran to Ojiro, who had an extremely exhausted Aizawa in tow.

Ojiro caught you easily, wrapping his tail around you out of instinct. It was getting to be a habit by now.

"Are you okay?" He asked as he checked you over.

You giggled, prying his hands away from their dutiful inspection. "I'm okay."

He breathed a sigh of relief but the two of you stiffened when Aizawa cleared his throat from behind him.

"As much as I don't want to interrupt whatever that is," He droned monotonously. "This has gotten a lot more serious."

You shared a worried look with Ojiro and gasped when his tail tightened around your waist ever so slightly.

"You can't stay here." Aizawa told you, fixating his eyes on the students who moved to object, more flooding in as their sensei's voice carried clearly. "You need to come with me, I'll find you a place to stay for the night."

Taglist: @katsukis-sad-angel

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mrsjadecurtiss · 3 years

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Another ask, if you have the inclination: I've just been rereading Reek III with all that entails, and Theon thinks about 'the son is just the shadow of the father' re Roose and Ramsay. Do you believe that Roose can actually be as bad or worse than Ramsay at this point? He's got to be worse than average and his morals very lacking, but it's hard to imagine us being made to abhor him more than Ramsay in the remaining books. Is it just Theon's terrified paranoia, or do you think it can pay off somehow? 🤔 Or am I misinterpreting that line do you think?

Do you believe that Roose can actually be as bad or worse than Ramsay at this point? He's got to be worse than average and his morals very lacking [...].

This is a trap, he is playing with you, the son is just the shadow of the father. Lord Ramsay played with his hopes all the time. - Reek III, aDwD

This is no man to jape with. You had only to look at Bolton to know that he had more cruelty in his pinky toe than all the Freys combined. - Reek III, aDwD

I believe quotes like these refer to the effect of the cruelty they enact, rather than the specific crimes.

Ramsay is vile and cruel, enacting heinous violence upon people like a slasher movie villain. We do not have any evidence that Roose personally inflicts the same degree of crass violence upon people, as even in his presumably candid retelling of the miller's wife story, while a horrifying and inexcusable crime, he does not reach the extreme level of violence Ramsay inflicts upon smallfolk on the regular with his hunts and torturings.

"Roose Bolton's cold and cunning, aye, but a man can deal with Roose. We've all known worse. But this bastard son of his … they say he's mad and cruel, a monster." - Davos III, aDwD

The point, i believe, is not who produces the worst feats of violence, but rather another facette of grrms criticism of feudalism:

Would Ramsay even have a chance to do these heinous crimes if his father, who knows about everything, had an ounce of morality in him?

[Roose:] "All you have I gave you. You would do well to remember that, bastard." - Reek III, aDwD

Everything Ramsay has, his high position, the freedom to do all the crimes he wants, the protection from law that would have otherwise sent him to the wall in no time, he has because of his father's selfishness. Roose could have stopped these crimes from happening, he could have given Ramsay the appropriate punishment, instead he keeps Ramsay around because he feels like it...

Roose is at the top of his society, answering to barely anyone except his overlord and his king; so much power is at his fingertips, and yet he uses it for selfish reasons, commits crimes, allows crimes to happen in full knowledge, and everything is handled as it benefits him instead of abiding to morality or law. Every crime Ramsay does is Roose' responsibility as feudal lord and thus his crime.

"When soldiers lack discipline, the fault lies with their lord commander," his father said. - Tyrion VIII, aGoT

Roose is called the leech lord, and indeed he is a leech upon society, bleeding his people dry to his own benefit while not lifting a finger himself. While he is not a literal vampire, obviously parts of his character are a play on vampire myths, and the aristocratic bloodsucking vampire is frequently used as a metaphor for critique of the ruling class (i hear Fever Dream by grrm plays with this, though i have not read it). He might not commit a Texas Chainsaw Massacre in person, but that doesn't make him any less morally bankrupt and despicable, and he still has the same blood on his hands.

There is a tendency where Roose tries to lighten his crimes in conversation - here are three examples showing different facettes:

"The arrogance of it! They do not expect the north to believe their lies, not truly, but they think we must pretend to believe or die. Roose Bolton lies about his part in the Red Wedding, and his bastard lies about the fall of Winterfell." - Davos IV, aDwD

[Roose:] "Tell me, my lord … if the kinslayer is accursed, what is a father to do when one son slays another?" - Reek III, aDwD

[Roose:] "The maesters will tell you that King Jaehaerys abolished the lord's right to the first night to appease his shrewish queen, but where the old gods rule, old customs linger. The Umbers keep the first night too, deny it as they may. Certain of the mountain clans as well, and on Skagos … well, only heart trees ever see half of what they do on Skagos." - Reek III, aDwD

1. Denial of involvement - Roose frequently either escapes blame completely (for example for Duskendale), puts blame on someone else (like blaming Ramsay's bastard blood for Winterfell), or lies about his crimes to evade blame.

2. Selectively invoking law - using the kinslaying law, he pretends his hands are tied when it comes to Ramsay, even though he could for example also send him to the wall as punishment. He frequently breaks laws as he pleases and also took part in breaking sacred contracts such as guest right (red wedding), so him invoking law in this instance is likely a tool to absolve himself of blame during the conversation.

3. Comparing himself to others to lessen his own acts, after failing to escape blame - by bringing the Umbers etc into the conversation, he tries to make himself look less bad; "look, everyone's doing it, and the skagosi are probably even worse than me!"

As opposed to Ramsay, he is aware of how the severity of the crimes he is doing would be received by others. He likes to present himself as a rational and civilized man, and thus has an interest to downplay his criminal actions, even if he does not see anything wrong with them as he did them for his own benefit.

"No tales were ever told of me. Do you think I would be sitting here if it were otherwise?" - Reek III, aDwD

"That annoyed me, so I gave her the mill and had the brother's tongue cut out, to make certain he did not go running to Winterfell with tales that might disturb Lord Rickard." - Reek III, aDwD

As the Mormonts were bannermen to the Starks, [Jorah's] crime had dishonored the north. Ned had made the long journey west to Bear Island, only to find when he arrived that Jorah had taken ship beyond the reach of Ice and the king's justice. - Eddard II, aGoT

The foolish Ramsay tries to pride himself in his crimes; Roose however knows of the importance of optics. He is aware that he frequently breaks the law, and tries his best to keep his reputation intact as to not attract unwanted attention; especially with an overlord like Ned Stark, who would not handwave any crime and would make sure justice is served.

From what we can observe, in my opinion the difference between Roose and Ramsay is that Roose doesn't see anything wrong with comitting violence as long as the result is of a benefit for him, while Ramsay additionally also commits violence because he merely finds enjoyment in inflicting it, violence for violence's sake. This is why Roose is able to control himself and always gives Ramsay the advice to be restrained, but Ramsay is unable and unwilling to do so and his acts are much more extreme. Roose is likely starting to realize this difference by aDwD.

Is it just Theon's terrified paranoia [...]?

I do also believe Theon's statement is fueled by paranoia, if you look at the entire context:

"I mean you no harm, you know. I owe you much and more." - "You do?" Some part of him was screaming, This is a trap, he is playing with you, the son is just the shadow of the father. Lord Ramsay played with his hopes all the time. "What … what do you owe me, m'lord?" - "The north. The Starks were done and doomed the night that you took Winterfell." He waved a pale hand, dismissive. "All this is only squabbling over spoils." - Reek III, aDwD

Roose is not necessarily tricking Theon here since it appears to be a correct statement; And he does have an interest to be on friendly terms with Theon (offering him fresh clothes for example) because he wants to make use of his position as heir to the iron islands, a goal he expressed as early as a Storm of Swords.

"Flaying Theon will not bring my brothers back," Robb said. "I want his head, not his skin." - "He is Balon Greyjoy's only living son," Lord Bolton said softly, as if they had forgotten, "and now rightful King of the Iron Islands. A captive king has great value as a hostage." - Catelyn VI, aCoK

"Serve us in this, and when Stannis is defeated we will discuss how best to restore you to your father's seat," his lordship had said in that soft voice of his, a voice made for lies and whispers. Theon never believed a word of it. - The Prince of Winterfell, aDwD

Note that here Theon does not believe him either, any trust he has shattered by Ramsay as well as Roose' unlikable personality. Still it seems likely Roose was really somewhat trying to be nice with Theon, because as he tries to teach Ramsay there's value in it:

"Power tastes best when sweetened by courtesy. You had best learn that if you ever hope to rule." - Reek III, aDwD

Do you think it can pay off somehow?

This is speculation, but i believe Roose' story is likely headed in the opposite direction - A Storm of Swords featured his greatest villainous feat, the Red Wedding, a showcase of cruelty and treacherousness. I do not think it will be followed up by an act of even greater cruelty; instead i think he will finally reap what he has sown.

Roose Bolton said nothing at all. But Theon Greyjoy saw a look in his pale eyes that he had never seen before — an uneasiness, even a hint of fear.

That night the new stable collapsed beneath the weight of the snow that had buried it. - a Ghost in Winterfell, aDwD

I believe the line about the stable is meant as a metaphor for his regime collapsing, as it is put directly after the line where he realizes the situation is growing dire for him.

It all seemed so familiar, like a mummer show that he had seen before. Only the mummers had changed. Roose Bolton was playing the part that Theon had played the last time round, and the dead men were playing the parts of Aggar, Gynir Rednose, and Gelmarr the Grim. - a Ghost in Winterfell, aDwD

Roose is likely going to continue the parallel with Theon as his arc goes steadily downwards. He is a foil to Ned; where Ned died but his legacy lives on, Roose will likely live to see his legacy crumble.

There is of course a possibility that he, when cornered, starts expressing more cruelty as a last-ditch effort. We saw the stable used as a metaphor for his rule in Winterfell; but there is another interesting detail about the reconstruction of the burned Winterfell:

Serve well, Lord Bolton told them, and he would be merciful. Stone and timber were plentiful with the wolfswood so close at hand. Stout new gates had gone up first, to replace those that had been burned. Then the collapsed roof of the Great Hall had been cleared away and a new one raised hurriedly in its stead. When the work was done, Lord Bolton hanged the workers. True to his word, he showed them mercy and did not flay a one. - the Prince of Winterfell, aDwD

Aegon the Conqueror had commanded [the Red Keep] built. His son Maegor the Cruel had seen it completed. Afterward he had taken the heads of every stonemason, woodworker, and builder who had labored on it. Only the blood of the dragon would ever know the secrets of the fortress the Dragonlords had built, he vowed. - Catelyn IV, aGoT

This is a crack theory, but perhaps Roose has something up his sleeve when it comes to the newly constructed roof of the Great Hall (a location that features extremely prominently through all of Theon's aDwD Winterfell chapters). Maybe he could make it crash intentionally to bury his treacherous allies or something like that...

I doubt however that he will do Ramsay-style extreme violence, i can't really see a reason and it doesn't appear to be his style. He seems more about cunning than flashy displays.

As always these are not PoV characters, so as long as we don't have a view inside their heads we can never say anything with 100% certainty.

#asoiaf #roose bolton #ramsay bolton #asoiaf meta #a song of ice and fire #asks #mzyraj #sorry if i went a little off topic ajsjdjfjxjd #im like roose i just love going on a tangent of someone gives me an opportunity to talk #also ive seen your other question its very interesting #ill see when i can get to it

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dyketubbo · 3 years

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mkay. ive woken up, it doesnt seem like theres any new developments, so. post explaining what the hells been going on about the ae/emeraldduo qpr discourse ig woo. this is going to be from my perspective, because i am one person. shocker. anyways,

basic summary: i made a post saying that because c!kristin is canon and philza and techno have boundaries against shipping, i believed that maybe there should be a genuine effort to chill out with putting c!philza and c!technoblade in a qpr or platonic marriage, as c!philza being married to c!kristin is based off the irl marriage and c!philza and c!technos friend dynamic is based off the ccs dynamic even outside of the dream smp (such as, of course, the antarctic empire being a smpearth thing). i also said this because i feel like theres a genuine problem in the fandom with how it treats kristin, not only in fanart (making her skinny and white), but also just. in general, overshadowing her with the idea of emeraldduo being married, shit like that, and it irked me esp bc shes a woc while philza and techno are white men.

people get pissed at me, both to my face and behind my back, and i get insulted, called stupid, arophobic, anti-polyam, told i dont understand friendship and that i dont have friends. i joined a server just to wake up and find myself banned and blocked with no explanation, left to assume that i was talked about behind my back while i was unable to defend myself. out of all the people who disagreed with me, one person. one. person. was nice to me and didnt call me arophobic, actually giving me constructive criticism and a chance to elaborate. one. i finally start to feel better two days after the fact, consulting people outside the fandom to get second opinions and getting happy when people agreed with me and even gave insight to things i didnt consider, and what do i get?

someone rbed to tell me "not to go on twitter" because people were talking about me, and informing me that there was a group chat dedicated to "talking about how wrong [i am]". what the rest of the post said, i dont remember, because the person seems to have me blocked and i fucking panicked after being told theres literally an entire group of people talking about me on twitter- of which, yknow. is known for harassing people and even once had a black girl doxxed?? not to mention that the person who mocked me for supposedly not having friends did so when i said to leave me alone, and ive said publicly for people to leave me alone consistently, and. well, insulting and going after someone, or even talking about them behind their back, when they said to leave them alone is in fact harassment, by definition.

im accused of not listening to philza, with the only clip being given to me of him talking about c!emeraldduo being like "the platonic version of achilles and patroclus", as if platonic = queerplatonic. yesterday was the first time i was given a clip of phil talking about qprs specifically, given to me by someone who didnt evem disagree with me anyways, again showing the people disagreeing with me were barely actually willing to cooperate with me. i have. complicated feelings on the clip (mainly with how its worded as just headcanons and only given the definition of "platonic life partners" which.. hm.), but this post isnt about that.

regardless, i vent to my friends, because i was having a delusional breakdown, and one makes a post saying they didnt want to interact with the fandom after people went after me. they inform me that both people who insulted me before and others reblogged from their post to again assert that im arophobic, claim that no one was talking about me outside of people publicly talking about how "arophobic" i am (which.. is people talking about me), claim that i called people racist and sexist (i didnt?? i dont think anyones racist and sexist, not even for what i brought up concerning the fandoms treatment of kristin, it gives me a bad taste in my mouth, but i would never call anyone racist or sexist for it [outside of the whitewashing but thats a different issue from the qpr discussion]), and then they were sent anon hate, one even asserting that they were arophobic and talking over minority groups and therefore deserved to be in their bad home situation. outside of their post being in the dream smp tag, its hard to believe that people just. normally found their post. unless they were going through the recent posts in the dream smp tag (which i dont feel is the case), it is.. concerning that they found my friend trying to defend me so quickly and immediately decided to continue to talk about me behind my back and even insult them as well.

so.. yknow, not great in asserting that there arent people tracking me somehow, which is incredibly triggering and paranoia inducing.

either way, in the end, if people disagree with me about the situation, i dont care, i cant stop them, but i just want people to stop being fucking pricks about it. i want people to stop being pissy at me and about me, i want people to stop insulting me and telling me and telling people i interact with that im arophobic when im not. i want people to stop pretending to care when they tell me to take a break when theyre the fucking reasons i have to take a break. i want people to stop being condescending to me, to stop talking about me, to stop acting like theyre superior while fucking insulting me.

i just wanted to bring up an issue about the lack of respect kristin gets, and people as always turned it into something about philza and technoblades relationship when that was literally the behavior that i was complaining about. i hate that me wanting to talk about how kristin and her marriage to phil is treated turned into me having several breakdowns in one day because i kept getting worse and worse news about how people were treating me. i hate that i did take breaks, that i actively distracted myself, went outside, took care of my pets, took care of myself, talked to my friends, and yet people just acted condescending and went all "if you cant handle criticism then leave :/".

what the fuck is wrong with you people? why is it that this fandom actively defaults to harassment and using ccs against fans when an issue arises? and i fucking hate that this is my first goddamn actual interaction with aeduo fans. im genuinely terrified of aeduo fans now if this is how they react to problems. fuck everyone who talked about me behind my back, fuck everyone who acted condescending towards me, fuck everyone who called me arophobic or anti-polyam or whatever the hell they had up their sleeves, fuck every single grown ass adult who saw a teenager have a fucking breakdown over the shit they did and said and decided to continue. fuck everyone who didnt even bother to have a goddamn level conversation with me before insulting me and attempting to tell others that im arophobic and other shit like that.

this shit happened because of two paragraphs. i said two goddamn paragraphs about a personal issue with the fandom i had and now ive genuinely been pushed almost to the point of relapsing. i dont give a shit if people think i have a victim complex, i just want people to leave. me. alone. its the fucking least you could do. oh, and go fuck yourself. if you genuinely thought id be apologizing after that shit, fuck you. i shouldnt have to be the better person with this shit, i shouldnt be pushed to choking on my own fucking tears because people wont let it fucking be. im not goddamn apologizing after three days of getting insulted and harassed and talked about behind my back for a fucking shipping issue. piss off.

#long post #dsmp #negative #fandom critical #discourse #i dont care if i look immature for this. i deserve the fucking option to be immature after this shit #im tired of crying over this.#mask mews #harassment tw #ask to tag

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neutron-stars-collision · 3 years

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The Art of Inversion

Neil x Reader

Chapter 19 - Holy Ground

Masterlist; Chapter 18

Summary: In the days before the mission in Tallinn, you and Neil have a few conversations to clear the air of doubts. Only, the mission itself proves to be a disruption...

Warnings: Swearing; mild violence.

Author’s Notes: Here we go, my favourite mission (and favourite Neil outfit too). This is only part one of the Tallinn action because so much happens... as you’ll see. I’m sorry. I really am. Hope you enjoy and please leave me feedback if you feel like it!

Song mentioned is: ‘Holy Ground’ by Within Temptation (I’ll share it in a post later but basically listen to it after reading and you’ll know why I’m obsessed)

Edit is courtesy of my amazing friend @sh3tani once again (ilysm and thanks for everything 💕)

The upcoming days were busy. You have been assigned the task of getting hold of some of the vehicles and artillery TP wanted for the heist in Tallinn. It was difficult, not only because it is actually rather hard to acquire a fire truck with no records left from the transaction, but also because you barely had any clue what you were actually doing. And so, most of the time, you were sat at the dining table in the flat, calling various shady people Neil gave you contacts to. Sometimes, a tea would appear in front of you, courtesy of the other team members thoroughly apologizing for how they handled the ‘alley situation’.

It seemed like your late-night walk and the cold treatment you gave everyone (including Neil) for the next 24 hours afterward worked. The jokes have ended, and contrition took their place, usually in the form of extreme helpfulness, random acts of kindness, and, in Neil’s case, a break from teasing. At least for a short while.

The only development you were not so sure of was the fact that the whole team decided to label your relationship. Not just any label but dating, verging on a couple. And that was rather terrifying. It struck you especially the night before when you have minded your own business in the kitchen. Watching over the pasta boiling on the stove, you listened to the plans made by Ives. He was trying to settle on the best way to track Neil during the heist when he suddenly turned to you with a question:

“Has your boyfriend told you what kind of car they are going for in the end?” the neutral tone made you skim over the term at first.

But then your brain caught up. What?! You almost toppled over the whole pot of pasta onto the floor when trying to drain it. Fuck. Ives was staring at you quizzically, as though confused about your current state.

“I… Who?” you stammered out the question, knowing it will only make everything worse.

“Neil” Ives grinned, “Unless you’ve gone for an open relationship and there’s another boyfriend involved”

“Christ, please stop” sighing, you tried to calm down just enough to function “I believe he’s going for a BMW, don’t know what series but something fast enough just in case there was a chase” triumphantly, you poured the sauce over the noodles.

“I’ll need to give him a call about it” Ives smacked his tongue thoughtfully.

“Feel free” using the opportunity, you grabbed the cutlery and escaped into your room.

Boyfriend? Now that was something to cause anxiety. Because despite everything that happened, all the things you have told Neil and got in return, you had no clue what you were supposed to be. Not really. Yes, sometimes you let yourself entertain the idea that maybe you were together, maybe he was your lover. But… was he? Could he ever be that?

With those thoughts occupying your mind, you only managed to last until afternoon the next day before giving in. After failing to contact a car dealer for the fifth time and realising that you have completely messed up the route plan due to forgetting about important details, you closed the laptop. It was hard to think when all your brain did was give reasons for why Neil would never actually want to be with you. To summarise: you were not enough, naïve, hopeless, and dumb enough to think that someone this incredible could think about you seriously. Stifling the sudden desire to breakdown and give up on everything, you dialed his number. He picked up almost instantly.

“Yes, my love?” your heart clenched at the nickname.

“Hi… um… Do you have a moment?” you cringed at the awkwardness.

“For you? Always”

Maybe, on another day, that would have made you smile. But that was not that kind of a day.

“Neil, I’m serious,” sighing, you rested your head on the cold wall behind your bed.

“What’s wrong?” his tone switched from playful to concerned.

Okay… now there’s no turning back.

“I’ve just been thinking...” you started, debating on the best way to breach the topic.

“Oh no”

Damn him. You cracked a small smile, knowing that was the intention. You could almost picture him at this moment, sat in some absolutely strange position in the armchair, nothing but long legs and ruffled hair. You did have it pretty bad.

“Shut up” you took a deep breath and blurted out “It’s probably stupid, and feel free to ignore this but... what even are we?”

There it is. Your whole existence hanged on his reply. But, of course, Neil needed more clarification than that…

“How do you mean?” his careful tone made your heart rate elevate.

The result was a string of sentences you shot out with the speed of a machine gun.

“Because everyone here assumes we’re dating. And Ives called you my boyfriend last night, and I don’t... I don’t know if that’s what’s going on and-”

“Okay, calm down,” he interrupted your rant “Take a deep breath” he waited until he could hear you exhale to continue “What do you want this to be? Because we’re the only people who have a say about it” the diplomatic tone made you frown.

But then maybe he just wanted to get your point of view before saying anything substantial… Trouble was you had no clue. Picking on a loose thread on your sweater, you sighed:

“I don’t know” maybe this was the right time to give him another piece of mind? “I always hated labels because when you name something, it becomes real” you admitted, letting yourself slide down onto the pillows.

Nothing could hurt you there. Apart from potential rejection from the likely love of your life. Basically, fml, as the kids say.

“What about good things?” his question caught you off guard.

“Well, yeah, but… once there’s a couple, then there can be a break-up” the insecurity had an answer for that too.

Your cheeks heated up upon saying the word. Because even that felt like a step too far. Like maybe you were clingy. Obnoxious. Someone he could want to get rid of as quickly as possible. Before you decided to back out of the conversation, he replied:

“That’s a rather bleak way of looking at things” it was still that thoughtful tone.

A burden then.

“I know” you groaned, frustrated with yourself.

But the next thing he said was rather surprising…

“I’ll need to work on making you more optimistic. Not because I don’t like you the way you are, but because I want you to realise how wrong you are sometimes” the conviction and practical implications of the statement made you speechless.

The future tense. The admission that he did like you, with your countless issues and overbearing anxiety. It couldn’t be, could it? Neil took your stunned silence as permission to say more:

“From my side, let me say that dating doesn’t quite cut it because it implies not being sure... And…” despite yourself, your ears perked up, wanting to know what he meant.

“Yeah?�� you prodded, trying to toe that precarious line between curiosity and fear of rejection.

“I’m not really in the trial stages anymore. Don’t think I’ve ever been” he clearly wanted to tell you more but was holding back.

Maybe it was for the better. Before you could think about a response to that, Neil added:

“Basically, we don’t have to use any labels. We’re just us” the simplicity of that statement broke through your resolve, making tears well up “Me and you. We know best what that implies and no one else matters” quietly, you sobbed, and he laughed before choosing to put that final nail in the metaphorical coffin “You’re my love, and that’s the only nickname I need” Neil sounded happy, as though despite your worries, he wanted to say that “I can be your idiot, as long as I’m yours” the punchline came with an audible smug smile.

Oh my god. You laughed, with tears still silently falling down your cheeks and heart hammering in your chest. He was impossible. Absolutely impossible. Suddenly asking that crucial question was not that scary. Because maybe today was the day when would tell you, without alcohol or worries prompting the confession. Taking the plunge, you spoke:

“Neil, do you-”

“Yes, I do,” he interrupted you with an answer.

“I haven’t even asked the question” you frowned, unsure whether that kind of an answer was better than a confession.

Because, yes, he already said it once (almost twice), but both those have been anything but thoughtful. And your ever doubting brain was quick to use that fact against you.

“But I know the answer” he sounded certain.

Perhaps too certain.

“Why?”

“Because I don’t want to tell you over the phone” Neil sighed heavily on the other end “Listen, I have to go… but call me or text if you need to talk” he hesitated before adding, “No matter what I want you to remember what I said that night in London”

Oh… It was the first time any of you brought it up. You just assumed it was one of the things that just slipped out in an unguarded moment. You wanted it to be true, but then that was too risky. But maybe not…?

“I heard you” you whispered despite being alone in the room.

“I know” you could picture the soft smile he sometimes gave you “Goodbye, my love. Good luck with work” at the reminder of the piles of papers still waiting, you groaned, causing him to laugh.

“Will be needed since what you’ve assigned me is close to impossible” the change of the topic was dearly welcomed.

Grabbing the laptop again, you opened it up and felt all the motivation dissolve upon the sight of the route waiting to be planned. Coffee will be needed. And maybe whiskey too.

“I believe in you,” Neil broke your brooding with a comment, “And it’s not really me who assigned it” you rolled your eyes.

“Yeah, yeah. Bye, idiot” unable to stop the grin on your face, you ended the call.

So maybe it was worth calling… Even if only to learn that he was in fact yours. And that he did not mind your insecurity or moments of anxiety. Maybe all this had some more potential than heartbreak and tragedy? Ignoring all the thoughts, you focused on the workload. After all, someone had to get all those bloody vehicles on time for the boys to play with.

*** The closer it got to the day, you could feel the tensions rising within the team. Partially it was your own fault and the fact that you were nervous. The plan was vague enough. What you and Ives’ squad knew was that TP intended to take over the plutonium 241 on the move, specifically on the highway leading out of the city. For some reason, he needed a fire truck and a firefighter suit for that. You had no clue why, but you blamed it on the boyish dreams of being a firefighter. Sure they all had those.

Neil was simply the designated driver and mission coordinator, and you hoped that meant he would stay out of harm. As much as that was possible for an idiot like him. You were not allowed to meet to stop TP from getting suspicious, and so all you could do was rely on texts and daily phone calls to keep you from going insane. The downside of the situation was that you could not slap Neil when he said questionable things. Examples being referring to the heist car as sexy (“And what if I told that it’s not the BMW that’s sexy?” “I’d be flattered”) and calling you his girlfriend on the call with Ives. That second incident resulted in the squad leader acting all smug because he apparently ‘figured it all out’. He did not, but who were you to prove him wrong.

And so, you perfected the plan, finished all the assigned tasks, and waited on instructions concerning the day of the mission. When they came, the message was simple – sit on your assess and wait, just in case the Cavalry was needed. You did not specifically like that ‘waiting’ part. Especially since Ives began insisting that you do not actually join them in the field. In his mind, the safest place for you was the flat. Not being a part of the squad and not having enough experience were the main factors acting against you. And you hated the fact that he was right. That is until the evening before the mission when an unexpected text from TP came. You were busy trying to understand the rules of a strange competition show on the television when your phone buzzed. Expecting something nonsensical from Neil, you picked it up instantly. Only to get shocked by the number on display. The message was straightforward:

“Join the squad in the field in Tallinn. You must be there”

Right… When you were asking the universe for help, you did not expect that. But it was better than nothing.

Without a further ado, you got up and wandered over to Ives, who was sat with Wheeler and Michael at the table. Upon your approach, the Brit looked up:

“Don’t tell me you’ve got some last-minute changes from Neil” his blue eyes were hazed with concern.

“No, I’ve got something better” you passed him the phone and waited for a response.

The widened stare and arched eyebrow was the initial reaction.

“He wouldn’t have sent if it wasn’t important” you added, hoping to win the case.

“I don’t get it” Ives sighed heavily, leaning back in the chair.

He glanced at Michael, who nodded and left the room. You just assumed that the discussion was not meant for any ordinary squad member.

“Apologies for my language, but you’re not a bloody soldier, and it might get rough out there” Ives spoke up again after a beat “And I don’t want to fucking worry about your safety amidst all the other mess” he met your gaze warily.

It was a little embarrassing to be considered a burden. You flinched internally before trying another approach.

“I know, but Neil might need me” as soon as you said the words, Ives scowled.

Of course, that just sounded like a lovesick teenager fighting for a hopeless case. And you hated that. But his very next words triggered the remains of resolve.

“Frankly, darling-”

You broke into a laugh, knowing the quotation well.

“I swear, if you quote Gone with the Wind right now, I’ll do something stupid” as a warning, you grabbed hold of the knife lying on the table, making Wheeler snicker quietly “Please, let me go out there. I can track his GPS signal or something. And well, you know that I’ve got a good aim. It might count for something” pleading was not your forte either but at the end of the speech, Ives’ gaze softened.

Maybe? He sighed once again before leaning his forehead on the folded forearms on the table.

“If you get hurt, he’ll kill me” he muttered gloomily.

“You’re exaggerating” you bit back a dry chuckle.

“No, he’s not” your head snapped up at the sound of Wheeler’s voice “But I’ve got to back you here if TP sent that text, then it’s probably important” she looked at you with a small smile.

“Thank you” you grinned back, grateful for the support.

With the days spent among men almost exclusively, Wheeler’s company meant a lot. Soon she became the only person you were willing to discuss your worries with. Because she was not keen on cracking dumb jokes about your relationship and asked questions that did not only concern Neil. And that was a welcomed change.

“You really need to be careful though, because Neil cares about you. Which probably makes you the most important person on this squad” her voice broke through your thoughts.

You knew she meant well, but the statement still made your cheeks heat up. Because did he really care?

“Don’t. You’re making me all flustered” deciding you’ve had enough of the awkwardness you got up to fix a tea.

“Well, I’m only speaking the truth here” turning back to the table, you saw Wheeler shrug “The physics boy took his fancy upon you, and that’s no funny business” she grinned at your perplexed expression.

Briefly, you glanced at Ives, who seemed to have given up on fighting with you and instead was listening in to the conversation with a neutral facial expression. The kettle boiling was your cue to respond:

“Great” semi-aggressively, you threw the tea bag into the mug poured the water “Did he though?” you asked, not even looking at them or expecting an answer.

“Yep,” Wheeler stood up and gave you a quick reassuring shoulder squeeze.

“I’ve never seen him like this before” Ives added once you turned to face him again.

That tea could not brew any longer…

“Not even with…” you hesitated before adding quietly, “Alex?”

“Not quite,” the man gave you an enigmatic smile, only increasing your frustration “You’ve convinced me though. You’re coming with us. Just please, for the sake of my sanity, be careful out there” you resisted the urge to jump up in relief “Because I’d rather not deal with an angry Neil. He’s a pain in the ass enough” Ives added darkly before getting up and joining you by the kitchen counter.

Smiling, you finished the tea.

“Thanks. I’ll do my best” playfully, you nudged his shoulder with yours “You can always blame me though” picking up the mug, you turned towards the corridor.

“As though he’d care” Ives muttered at your back.

The sudden surge of confidence was surprising yet also inspiring:

“I’d make him care. There are some things even he can’t say no to”

The last thing you heard upon closing the door to the bedroom was Ives choking on water.

*** The Tallinn mission for you began with an early morning phone call from Neil. You got as far as getting out of bed after having been staring at the ceiling anxiously for the past three hours when the phone rang.

“Morning,” you muttered, stifling a yawn.

Espresso was certainly needed. Maybe two, before you would have to head out.

“Hey,” the soft tone felt like a mild punch “I’m glad you’re up already” Neil’s sleepy voice made you wish you could wake up together again.

There was always that slightly husky tinge to it, the way he lazily pronounced some words just because it was early still. So different from the enthusiastic overenunciation when he was preaching another messed up plan of his. Or the cheeky inflections he tended to use with you during banter. It was terrifyingly easy to get to know him that well because of how open he was with you.

“I couldn’t sleep. But it’s okay I’ll manage” you admitted, distracting yourself from the sudden thoughts “I didn’t tell you last night, but I got another text from TP… he wants me to join the squad today”

From the moment you have shut the bedroom door the previous night, you have debated calling Neil about it. But then he initiated another rather amusing texting exchange focusing on his fashion choices, and you felt bad disrupting the peace. It could wait. Not anymore. You held your breath until Neil responded with a simple question:

“Why?” he was careful, and you could not blame him for it.

You perched on the windowsill and looked out at the quiet cityscape. The streets were strangely empty for a weekday morning. Sighing, you answered in the best way possible:

“I don’t know, but Ives said yes after some coaxing, so I might see you out there” smiling despite yourself, you waited for his response.

Since recently you had to rely on phone calls, it became increasingly easy to determine his mood based on the tone of the reply. Or on the various nonverbal noises he sometimes made. Now there was a quiet hum proceeding the sentence. A surprise, mild confusion, and worry. Brilliant.

“As much as I’m happy we might meet… and that you can see me in that sexy car,” you rolled your eyes awaiting the point “Please, be careful. I need you safe”

It was not disappointing. You knew he did not intend it that way, and yet the anxiety fuelled brain was onto it instantly. I need you… safe. Unable to stop the comment, you muttered:

“Just safe, then”

“What?” any hope that he might have missed it dissolved with that single question.

Could he for once not listen to what you say? You know, like men tended to do. But then Neil was by no means an ordinary man.

“Nothing. Don’t mind me” the attempt at saving your dignity failed too.

“I thought it goes without saying that I do need you. And that I want you”

Oh god. At once, you wanted to smash your head into the wall and to kiss the bastard for being the way he was. Adding to that sentence, the mental image of his sheepish smile was enough to make your heart speed up. When the silence stretched, becoming awkward, you whispered a reply.

“It’s good to hear it sometimes” the coldness of the window glass cooled off your blazed cheeks, “Especially when I don’t actually believe it” he knew that by now, undoubtedly.

Here the nonverbal cue was a half-choked sigh. Annoyance. Frustration.

“You should. I don’t go around telling everyone that” Neil’s confident voice was trying to pull you back “And I certainly don’t have moments as we do with anyone else” at the implication, you felt flustered again.

Because there did not an hour go by without you thinking about what happened. The pull between you was startling at times. The absolute desire you felt. The way Neil knew exactly how to make you remember every second of every moment. With the memories flooding your brain, you could only utter a single question:

“Why me?”

It was curiosity. Because apart from that evening months ago when you first tried to make sense of your budding relationship, he never said why he cared about you. And you would never dare ask. But now, with everything that happened, it was worth trying. And Neil was willing to deliver:

“I’m not sure. Maybe it’s because you’re the bravest, kindest, most beautiful person I know” you could only keep on listening with your mouth agape “You fascinate me, and I want to discover all that you’re willing to give me” he finished in a reverent whisper.

That was not what you expected to hear. Not now. Not ever. Speechless, you wondered whether maybe this time it was not a mistake to give your heart away. It was too late. He had everything but your body; that was just a matter of time.

“Neil, I…” this was all you could manage, afraid you would give away another confession.

“Well, you’ve asked,” he chuckled lightly and then asked, “Are you okay?” you could picture that crease between furrowed eyebrows.

“I suppose-” a loud knock on your door interrupted the sentence; it was time, “I think I should probably join them for the final briefing…” hesitantly, you jumped off the sill.

Only two of you could be interrupted during such an important conversation.

“Go, I won’t keep you. Believe me, though, when I say that I want nothing but to be with you. In every way possible” your breath hitched at the connotation behind the sentiment.

Jesus, this man…

“That’s rather mutual,” like a secret you passed it to him on a sigh “But only when you’re not an ass” that was a much-needed distraction for you both.

There was work to be done, after all. You could hear the commotion in the apartment rise in volume and strength.

“I’ll do my best then. Good luck, darling” you grinned at the nickname he was determined to use.

Darling, you could do with. It was better than the ‘love’ that always made you feel like you were just another one among many.

“Don’t do anything stupid I still owe you a few slaps… and a payback” you added the necessary suggestive tone to the last word.

The rest was up to him to figure out. Which he did, if the pleased laughed was anything to go by.

“I’m very much looking forward to all of those” you missed that smirk.

“You should. Bye, my idiot,” you debated saving his number as that in your phone.

Maybe it was the way forwards.

“My love,” laughing, you ended the call when he uttered the words just for the sake of it.

But then that was Neil’s essence – doing things just because. Or to get a reaction from you. And you would not have it any other way.

*** Only when sitting in that bloody SUV, you learned the true meaning of waiting. And how much you hated to do that. There was nothing to do apart from sweating in the protective gear and avoiding the awkward small talk others were susceptible to. The squad has cramped into two non-descript vehicles, and you being the so-called precious cargo, ended up in the same car with Ives who have sworn to protect you. Only, for the first half-hour, there was nothing to protect you from. Apart from anxiety, boredom, and frustration.

Your role was rather simple – follow Neil’s signal on the map to know where you might be needed should he call for backup. As much as you did enjoy the possibility of tracking his movements somehow, you did not appreciate the cheeky smile Ives had on his face when he gave you the job. Or the comment combined with it: “Well, he’s your boyfriend, it’s only fair you keep him on the metaphorical leash here”. That is how the small blinking dot on the map of Tallinn became your sole focus for the past hour. Just before everything kicked off, Neil radioed you with a simple message: The mission is about to start. Wait for further instructions.

Ever since your morning phone call and the revelations that came out, you only exchanged a few texts concerning the practicalities of the action. Despite the nerves, you did hope to see him in near future. Even if just to check whether what he said was true. Looking for a distraction from the sudden thoughts, you glanced at the screen again. They were near, on the main junction of the highway, heading towards the port. Your SUVs were parked underneath a small overpass, five minutes away in the current traffic conditions. Which proved to be convenient, as it turned out.

“Is he still following the set route?” Ives’s question brought you to the present moment.

“Yeah, they’re-” you glanced to double-check the exact location when you realised that something has changed.

The dot was not moving. It was still blinking, but clearly, they have stopped at a crossing. Traffic lights? Your brain somehow knew that it could not be that simple. You opened your mouth to voice the thoughts when the comm came alive on the dashboard with static crackling:

“We need back up here. ASAP”

“Roger that” Ives tossed you the radio “Ask him about the details”

Without waiting for more information, Michael fired up the SUV engine as Ives contacted the second vehicle.

“Neil” you spoke into the receiver “What happened?” you flinched at the louder noise from the radio.

Gunshots?

“We’ve been ambushed by Sator’s people. TP’s status unknown”

Bloody brilliant. Swallowing down the rising worries, you asked another question:

“How many people?” another gunshot pierced the silence.

“Not sure. They’ve gotten clean up orders” a strained breath from Neil told you how bad the situation was.

“Okay. We’ll be there soon” you glanced at the road ahead.

Still, 2 mins to go. Anxiety was threatening to overpower you at any moment. But now was not the time.

“Hurry up” Neil closed the channel with a final dose of static.

Fuck… Forcing a deeper breath, you could only watch as you got closer to him. The sheer thought of something happening to Neil was unimaginable. That was enough to trigger panic. So you pushed the idea to the back of your head, focusing on the distance disappearing.

There was no mistaking the fact that you have been led to the right place. Crashed cars, asphalt littered with glass shards and broken parts, gunshots piercing the air. The destination looked like a car pile-up from an action sequence. Frantically looking through the windows, you tried to spot that blonde head. To no avail. The SUV came to a sharp halt as the squad members began jumping out of the vehicle. Once everyone else disembarked, you moved to follow them, only to be stopped by Ives:

“You’re staying here. I can’t have you out in the shoot-out” his blue gaze was stern, hand blocking exit out of the car.

The idea that you were so close to Neil and could not see him was enough to make you angry.

“I can handle myself. And he’s-” you spit out the words in the face of the squad leader while trying to push him away.

“I said no. The conversation’s over” with a final glare, he stepped away and scanned the horizon for immediate danger “If someone approaches the car, you know what to do,” he threw as a parting remark and disarmed the rifle.

Fucking hell! Groaning in frustration, you kicked one of the seats. He was so close. You glanced at the device in your hand. He could not be further than behind the first line of crashed cars. Biting on your lip harshly, you quickly went over the options. One was to obey Ives and stay inside the bloody SUV like a well-behaved child everyone apparently took you for. No one seemed to care about the vehicles you parked on the outskirts of the action. Flinching at the further salve from the heavy artillery, you knew that the squad had joined the fray. You could be safe here… but… Taking a deep breath you knew there was no possibility you could stay away from the action. Not when Neil was there, potentially in danger. It was not possible to give up on someone that important just because you were told to. Christ…

Glancing through the windows again, you could see Sator’s people attempting to clear the place. The squad evidently attempted to push at them from one side, hoping to get a clean sweep that way. Then, just as you were about to go back to the internal crisis overwhelming your thoughts, you did a double-take. Surely not? You would recognize that hair colour everywhere. There he was attempting what was looking like a skirting manoeuvre to circle the mercenaries with the Cavalry on the opposite side. Only that left him completely uncovered, in the direct line of fire. Bloody idiot. The instinct to jump out and run to him kicked in. The only thing holding you back was the fact that you would disobey the orders. And leave the car unguarded. All the hesitation disappeared once the comm in the car crackled with static:

“Emergency assistance needed. ASAP” the tension in his voice made your pulse quicken.

The lack of response from the team made all the blood drain from your face. You could see him trying to hide behind some overturned car. The henchmen were near enough to get him with no problem.

That thought was all the convincing you needed. Swearing, you quickly pocketed the tracking device, adjusted your protective gear, and grabbed the gun. You have been offered a rifle (just in case), but you preferred the classic. At least it was something right?

In two leaps, you have covered the distance. With the team trying to get through the attack line on the other side, it was just you and Neil. You shot a round in the direction of the approaching merc, missing the target yet earning attention from the main object of your focus. His eyes met yours across the plane. You could see shock, worry, and something else there. Suddenly a salve whizzed past you. The bullets cutting through the air all around, shooting past your head and piercing the car behind. A strangled yell from Neil was a surprising reaction, yet you did not blink twice. He was all you could see. With a final surge through the field, you reached him. The pure fury and anguish in his eyes took you aback. Have you missed something? But there was no time to ask questions.

“Go, I’ll cover you” you whispered, looking at the approaching group of mercs.

Neil took an additional moment to stare at you as though he could not quite believe you were there. But then he jumped up, aiming the gun at the man closest to you. The same that undoubtedly attempted to take you out seconds prior. When the mercenary fell with a bullet in the head, you stared in shock. There was no time to recover as Neil pushed through, barely looking behind at you. It was surprisingly easy to tune out the emotions, taking out anyone who could threaten him or halt your advances. You worked well together, movements in sync enough to stun the opponents on a few occasions. For a second, you wondered whether it was only bound to get better the closer you get to each other. That was certainly an interesting idea… In no time you have met with the line of the squad, watching on as Ives dealt with the last man standing. You have won. The adrenaline started to leave your body, resulting in tremors and shaking hands. Clutching the gun to prevent it from cluttering to the ground, you met the exasperated gaze of the squad leader. Your only response was a shrug. You did not regret the decision, seeing as you have evidently helped them in the field.

“Neil? Do you know where TP is?” Ives took his attention off you and looked at the blonde man.

You followed his gaze, for the first time actually looking at Neil since you spotted him across the plane. At the moment, you were struck by what a sight he was. Navy shirt with sleeves rolled up to expose the forearms covered with veins. The same tie he had on during your walk. Your pulse quickened. The vest drawing attention to the ratio between his broad shoulders and narrow hips, accentuated with a belt. Brown loose-cut trousers and scrapped leather shoes adding a classy touch. You were aware that you were staring yet unable to look away. Not knowing whether to blame it on the adrenaline rush, you wanted nothing but to touch him. Take off those driving gloves that piqued your interest at the first sight. Or have them be wrapped around your throat with just enough pressure. Get rid of the tie again. And…

“Think Sator took him” Neil’s response broke through your increasingly hazy thoughts.

Shaking off the images that started appearing, you looked up at his face again. The ruffled hair and flushed cheeks were not helpful. Fuck’s sake. It had to be stress. Because what else?

“Their place in the port?” Ives asked, his tone nothing but strict business.

“That’s my bet” Neil shrugged, looking around with something dark in his eyes.

He was tense, like a feral animal that could lash out any moment. You were not wrong. The cold blue gaze settled on you almost remorsefully, but before you could open your mouth, he snapped:

“What the fuck were you thinking?” the hostile edge to his voice was new.

You flinched as though you have been hit. The lack of physical impact did not matter. Your heart stammered. He need not explain what it was about. Please no.

“You needed a cover. They weren’t responding, so I did the obvious” you shrugged, feeling the anger grow “And I could ask you the same question” spitting the sentence into his face, you took a step closer.

You have never seen him that furious. Not even in Oslo after your little fuck-up. The sight was both terrifying and alluring. The dark blue eyes blazed with fury. Jaw clenched. Slight pink tint on the cheeks. And yet, still, you had no idea why he reacted like this.

“I knew what I was doing. That’s the difference” the coldness of his voice threw you off.

So it was real. He did mean it. You tried to save him, and here he was, pissed off at you. Making you almost regret it. Almost, because the love was there too. Not giving away no matter what.

“That’s bullshit” it felt good to admit, “You were reckless, as always, and expecting me to-” your rant got interrupted by a strangled yell.

Nothing prepared you for the revelation then. Or the sudden anguish on his face.

“You were almost shot!” Neil’s eyes glistened as though he was close to tears.

Suddenly it made sense. The rain of bullets you were hit with just before getting to him. The way he reacted. But you made it. Nothing happened. So why was he acting like that?

“Almost” ignoring the growing pain in your chest, you pointed out the obvious.

Out of the corner of your eye, you could see Ives and the rest of the squad observing you. You would rather not have an audience, but then Neil seemed determined to drive his point forward. His face scrunched into a pained scowl.

“Fucking hell,” turning away from your gaze, his back tensed even more “You can’t do shit like that just because I’m involved” the defensive tone took you aback.

What? It was getting worse. You could feel the confidence leaving your body as you struggled for a response. You would never think Neil would do something like that. Not after everything you have told him. Figuring out the only way you that could work, you took your own line of attack.

“Who says I did it only because it was you?” the implication hurt because it was partially correct “Quite an ego you’ve got there” his back was still turned to you.

That angered you even more. Crossing the distance, you placed your hand on his shoulder, making him turn to you. He flinched upon the contact as though your touch burned him. Oh my god. The tears welled up in your eyes. It could not be real. But the emotionless look in the eyes you thought you knew was very much real. It was as though before you realised Neil has built up a wall, guarding himself against you. And there was nothing you could do to get through. You got shocked by the cruel smirk that split his face.

“I can see the way you look at me. As though you wanted to-” you interrupted him sharply.

“Neil”

It was too much. Perhaps because it was true. But he was not done. Persistent to keep going.

“Admit it. It’s because you said some things, and now you can’t bear the thought of losing the object of your affection” the careless tone and the words pierced your heart with gut-wrenching pain “Well, you see, sometimes feelings need to be put aside” he added, almost casually.

Fuck. You gasped, unable to keep a straight face. He might as well see what he has done. Some things. So this is how much your confession meant to him. Good to know. You wanted to slap him, but you felt like that could turn back on you. So instead, you made sure to straighten your back, putting on the familiar mask of neutrality. You have done this before. Probably should have expected it. Only why did it hurt ten times more?

“Can we leave the bloody lovers quarrel till later?” Ives’s voice pierced through the tension.

But you were not ready. Raising your hand in a stopping motion, you turned back to Neil. His face was terrifyingly indifferent. Maybe it was all an act. Or maybe it was just that easy for him to get over whatever you thought you had. A lie. Gathering the smithereens of confidence, you forced a levelled tone:

“Says you. As though you’re acting out of reason right now” you gave him your best impression of the sneer visible on his face.

You could crumble at any moment now. Only the pounding in your ears and the wounded pride were keeping you upwards. But Neil wanted to destroy everything.

“More than you” he glanced at the team waiting impatiently “I really thought you’d know better than this” the punchline was more than you could take.

No. Please no. Your knees buckled, and you swayed. But then you caught the flash of concern in his eyes. Just for a split of a second. So it was not all cold and hatred? You heard Ives huff out a string of curses. There was no time for this. Whatever it even was. Honesty it was then.

“Better than to give away my heart to someone like you? Evidently not” you met his eyes for the final time before walking away in the direction of the SUVs.

The shock you saw in Neil’s face was enough to fuel the survival instincts. With the heart broken or not, the mission was still on. And the rest was silence.

#tenet #neil tenet #neil tenet x reader #neil x reader #neil tenet imagine #neil tenet fanfic #tenet fanfic #robert pattinson #the art of inversion

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yes-feratu · 3 years

Text

🚫MINORS DNI🚫

maple said to post it, so here. fuck it.

so ive loved alan since i was like. 12 lol but my only ship for him was really only ever vb, but last yr maple and i made an au that has past! alan x matt and...now...i cant stop thinking about them....

so heres a little backstory for them ig?

- Alan's full name is Alan Jimenez, and hes Mexican American

- Hes like 5'5" (short king)

- Matt's full name is Mathieu Williams, and hes French Canadian

- Hes like 6'3" (tall king)

- In this au we made, Alan lost his mom and his dad was a real machismo (mexican brand™️ toxic masculinity) piece of shit, and Matt lost his dad and his mom wasnt mean but she was just....neglectful and overworked to try and support her and Matt, and bc of that they both ended up becoming naughty hooligan children and thats how they met

- Alan fell in love with Matt really early on in their friendship but hes always been really good at pushing his true feelings down

- They fuck regularly as a fwb situation and Alans okay w it because well. Matt fucks a lot but Alan is the only person that Matt goes back to and as long as hes that person in Matts life then hes fine and hes secure

- Alans actually only ever fucked Matt in his life but he acts like hes a super slut bc he doesnt wanna seem clingy and like their fwb situation means more to him than it should

- Alfred and Alan are frat bro homies basically and they met cause Alfred got a part time job working at the mechanic shop that Alan works at

- Then...one day Alfred's brother Matthew transfers to the uni that hr and Matt go to and Alfred's like hey! I actually know this guy that I can set u up w bro! And he sets up a date bw Matthew and Matt

- Alan's shit is rocked and he is extremely jealous because Matthew made Matt smile the first day they met and it literally took Alan 3 yrs in their friendship to get Matt to smile at him and HES GRRR HE HATES HATES HATES KILL KILL MATTHEW

- Basically he can tell that Matt really likes him and he starts getting really obnoxious trying to get Matt to pay attention to him and spend all his time saving his ass after he picked wreckless fights and not be with Matthew, but eventually Matt starta seeing that Alans being even morr obnoxious and twerpish more than usual and he tells him to cut his shit out

- Alan gets really hurt and hes kinda alienated himself from everyone in his jealousy and no one wants to hang w him cause hes being even more unpleasant to be around than he normally is, but when Matt tells him to cut his shit out hes finally like. Well I see I'm not wanted here, fuck it I'm just gonna run away

- Alans always felt like disaplearing one day and he always used to tell Matt about it but Matt always blew it off as stupid shit hed say when they were high

- Then one day Matt gets a call from Alfred and hes super frantic cause Alan told him he was skipping town and as soon as Alfred says that Alans gone Matt just hangs up cause HE KNOWS ALAN WOULD BE THE IDIOT DIP SHIT TO JUST FUCKING LEAVE

- He goes to the apartment they shared and he sees basically everythings intact except a few clothes of Alans are gone and hes obviously not there and he starts freaking out and looking around the city for him

- Matts panicking looking for him till the last bus has left and hes lost all hope of finding him but he tries going to one more skate park in the city just to see if maaaaybe hes there, ajd in the distance he can see a silhouette sitting near the wall and his heart leaps out of his chest

- He goes towards the figure and its Alan sitting looking at the floor and messing with his board and he looks sad and upset. he hears footstels coming towards him and he can see its matts workboots and hes starts talking mad shit like pfft what arr you doing here shouldnt you be worshipping your fuckimg boyfriend? and hes trying to cover it up but its obvious hes sniffling

- finally matt stands in front of him and alan looks up and matt looks LIVID. hes PISSED. he looks like someones abt to die. hes so upset his hands are shaking. and alan gulps cause hes guilty as shit as matt pulls him up and hes preparing to get punched in the face or something but then...he looks matt in the eyes when hes finally pulled to stand up and matts eyes are watering, and matt realizes how terrified hes been feeling and this whole time hes been thinking abt how much he needs alan and he realizes how much he loves him fkr him to be reacting this way

- then matt kisses the life out of him and then pulls away to whisper "dont go." into his ear

- then they go back to the apartment and they have fuckies

- the next day alan shows up to alfreds place and hes like. we worked it out. and hes covered in hickies

- he specifically wears a low cut v neck around matthew the next day so matthew can see with his stupid eyes that HE WON YOU LOSE IDIOT

anyways sorry if this was long i have brainworms 💗

#DO. NOT. REBLOG #I will block u if u do #also disclaimer even tho i dont think this needs one but?? I DONT HC THEM AS SIBLINGS!!!#i like playing w the idea of 2ps being opposites of the 1ps sometimes and since i see 1p al and mattie as siblings i think that 2p alan #and matt have been friends since childhood #or well. alans kinda been like a tick on matt but like in a cute bestie way #im so sad that i only just got into them last yr bc back in 2012 annie drew the cutest art of them #they werent as popular as red velvet pancakes or veggie burgers but they were still there AND I MISSED OUT ON THEM #SAD

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enderwalk · 3 years

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okay for sbi what are your headcanons about their relations to each other? are the boys all biological siblings (besides tubbo of course), with the same mother or do they all have different mothers? ages and how close were they as children? i really like hearing peoples hcs lol.

ohhh here we GO thank you vi im gonna go insane right now!!

so, im a huge fan of found families. i know that wilbur said that tommy, techno and wilbur are all biologically phil’s kids but he lost his rights to dictating canon when sally the salmon came into being. its my canon now <3

ive been thinking a lot about their dynamics and who would be related to who, and who’s the eldest, and this is what i’ve decided for my personal headcanons:- wilbur and techno are twins, and yes people would think this means that my headcanon for techno would be pretty boy anime techno. for a while it was, before i considered that they’re both piglin hybrids (you have no idea how excited i got when i learned that wilbur is derivitive of “wildbor” which is a medieval nickname meaning wild boar). they switch up who is the oldest depending on the situation, and to steer blame from themselves.

- being hybrids and not fullblooded piglins, i can imagine they were exiled from the nether as children. villagers were terrified of them and refused to house them. phil found these two children, scared and alone and different, and couldn’t bare to leave them out in the cold. wilbur and techno remember living on their own in a snowy tundra very differently - techno embraces the cold and later on establishes the antarctic empire, even builds his retirement cottage in the snow. but the cold did something to wilbur. he's still always so cold.

- they were very close as children and wilbur, being the dirty crime boy that he is, would often steal gold from villages for him and techno. wilbur stole the crown that techno wears now, but they refused to admit to phil where they found it. phil knows exactly what happened, and he’s been banned from several villages because of his boys. phil had hoped that wilbur would be the good one since he wasn’t as violent as techno, but oh boy was he wrong.

- tommy is adopted, and was clearly an only child before he was taken in. he has only child energy (coming from someone who is an only child). he’s the youngest, obviously. i also think it’d be really funny if tommy is the reason techno hates orphans because techno is very attached to phil and was worried that his dad would give all of his attention to tommy and not him. he used to threaten tommy whenever their dad wasn’t around, he eventually came to like the kid. he still bullies the shit out of him though.

- phil also hoped that tommy would be the good kid. he was very wrong. he keeps asking himself how he manages to adopt all these young criminals. tommy learned to steal from wilbur and more often then not is very bad at it, and gets in insane amounts of trouble. he learns how to wage wars from techno and learns how to fight. he learns how to lie from wilbur and how to close off your emotions from techno. he adopted the worst traits from his brothers, really. he looks up to techno - the legendary blade - and wanted to be more like him.

- techno has oldest child syndrome and even if he acts aloof and uncaring towards his brothers, he would die for them. even if he acts like he wants to punt tommy across the room at any given moment, he just wants the kid to be safe. he couldn’t keep wilbur safe, and now tommy is exiled, so he clings onto his dad and gave him a compass to his retirement home, knowing he only has one life left.

#long post #sorry if i worded any of this weirdly i did rlly just ramble #i just really love sleepy bois inc #philza #technoblade #wilbur soot #tommyinnit #dream smp #mcyt #my writing #swordofviolets #ask

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eclecticvalor · 3 years

Text

7 Things I experience as a DID System. Mental Health Awareness Month.

In light of May being America’s mental health awareness month, I wanted to talk about something that has consumed my entire life for the past year and a half: Treatment and healing from a disorder that is stigmatised into the ground by poor representation and misunderstandings both socially and in the medical field. Those who are close to me know first hand how my symptoms and experiences have shaped the way I interact with the world since starting treatment, but aside from my closest friends and family, and the people I live with, I don’t normally talk about the fact that I have Dissociative Identity Disorder, and what that means to me.

Hi. My name is Atlas, some people call me Cadyn, and I am the primary host of 26 fragmented parts of my consciousness. I am not dangerous, none of my parts or alters are dangerous, and no, it is not like “Split”.

Dissociative Identity Disorder is a trauma based dissociative disorder listed in both the DSM IV and V, and is recognized as an uncommon disorder characterized by two or more distinct personality states existing within the same consciousness. These personality states come to be when natural childhood development is disrupted by severe, continued, or repetitive, trauma, the child has a natural inclination towards heavy dissociation, and a lack of adult or parental support to develop the means to cope with the things happening to them.

Unfortunately popular mental health media has seen an uptake in people viewing DID as a quirky “trait”, the ability to have functional imaginary friends living in your head... but in reality DID is a lot darker, a lot scarier, and isn’t something I’d wish upon my worst enemy. Because of this media spike I wanted to share 7 things that living with Dissociative identity disorder means to me

1. Amnesia

Living with DID means that I miss out on a lot of my life. A primary symptom of DID is amnesia. I have no solid memories before the age of 13, and the memories I do have are often skewed, incorrect, or completely false as my brain fought for a way to fill in gaps and cope with the loss of memory. I forget a lot, and not just things like forgetting where I left my wallet and keys, or forgetting the day - those do happen, but I also mean forgetting big things, important life experiences and things I wish with all my being that I could remember like my highschool graduation and my wedding reception.

I often forget important day to day things that make it difficult to maintain life as an adult, like doctors appointments, work schedules, meetings, and important daily tasks. I’ll forget that I’ve eaten at all that day and risk going days without eating, or overeating due to having no recollection of the last time I’d eaten. I forget birthdays (especially my own), anniversaries, and important holidays.

To an outsider, who has no idea what’s happening inside my head, this can come across as though I’m thoughtless or unreliable. That I am cold for forgetting an important date, or simply that I just don’t care when this very much is not the case.

2. Alienation

Oftentimes DID comes with a sense of alienation from people who you’re supposed to know. For me a really clear example of this is when I previously mentioned my childhood memories being skewed - I have a clear memory of a conversation I was having with some blood relatives a few years back in which I mentioned that one family member I had happy childhood memories of, and remembered playing together as kids, but with another family member they were practically a stranger to me. I had, and still have, no memories of ever spending time with them growing up, no memories of having any kind of relationship with them at all. My understanding of our relationship was that it was “forced” because we were family and our parents expected us to exist in the same space as we grew up, but that we never talked. But I was informed by a separate member of the family that I was very wrong, and this “stranger” was actually someone I had been close to growing up. This is a common experience with DID patients, and also a very frustrating one. It creates feelings of “You know me but I don’t know you”, and it’s extremely difficult to trust your own judgement of the people you know, because you often can’t tell if your judgement is skewed by your memories or lack thereof.

3. PTSD and Flashbacks

A diagnosis of C-PTSD (Or complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) is required for a diagnosis of Dissociative Identity Disorder. This means that while the individual symptoms of DID can be frustrating, scary and sometimes depressing, the most difficult aspect of DID, and the most important to focus on in treatment is the PTSD symptoms.

PTSD symptoms in DID can be extremely powerful due to the additional dissociative aspect. This can mean that for a lot of DID patients, flashbacks can produce full blown body sensations, hallucinations and terrifying delusions. This is One thing that I find incredibly difficult to talk about, but I also believe is extremely important to understand. It can be embarrassing, shameful and while I only speak for myself in saying this, can cause a lot of guilt and grief. There have been times where I have been experiencing powerful flashbacks and did not recognize my own husband, resulting in lash outs and fear towards him being delusioned into thinking that he was out to hurt me, or had harmful intent for just existing in the same space as I was.

For me, a single wiff of a familiar smell, hearing a sound, a certain color, an idea, a name, a passing thought or comment can throw my previously stable mental state into one of pure panic, hyperventilation, hallucination, delusion, fight-flight-freeze and reactionary responses. Through treatment I’ve developed adaptive and healthy coping skills and management responses but trauma responses can be so quick, and so unexpected that I don’t always have time to process my coping skills before my body and mind respond in negative ways.

4. Decision making and skewed Behavior

Because living with DID, means living with a shared or fragmented consciousness, this often means that while I may not remember, my life is still being lived during my time of memory loss. Alters or parts will take control and operate my body, reacting to things, interacting with people, completing tasks and functioning. But oftentimes parts who take control are very different from myself, and make choices and decisions that I wouldn’t normally make, and sometimes decisions I wouldn’t *ever* make. An example of this is the fact that technically I am a conservative voter, despite myself as an individual having leftist or NDP views, or decisions to leave or apply for jobs and work positions that I have no interest in, or that I don’t even have the qualifications or physique to do, or leaving ones that I personally loved and excelled at. This also reflects a lot in everyday life in more subtle things, decisions like what food to eat, things to buy, activities to do shift between parts while they’re in control.

To outsiders this can look a lot like impulsivity, lack of self-control, or lack of a sense of identity. This is a huge reason why a lot of DID patients are often misdiagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder or Bipolar Disorder because the behaviour between alters can be so drastically different that it can look a *lot* like manic or depressive states.

5. Denial and Dismissing Trauma

A very common experience among DID patients is denial and being dismissive or disregarding the things that happened to them. I often find myself in a state of questioning whether my symptoms, my disorder, and even my trauma were ever real to begin with. In therapy I find myself saying “It’s not that big of a deal” or “It wasn’t that big of a deal” more times than I’m actually saying anything productive. A huge part of this is why I wanted to make this list, because the media, and a lot of medical circles deny that DID exists or believe it’s impossibly rare and those, while both false, can cause intense feelings of “Maybe I’m just doing this for attention”. DID is a very real, very difficult disorder to diagnose, to treat, and to live with disorder, and while it is uncommon, statistics show that approximately 1-2% of western population is diagnosed, and up to a suspected 7% are living with the disorder undiagnosed because of these misconceptions. It is not common, and it’s not something that everyone is going to have, but it is a very possible response to very real trauma and is a valid diagnosis to give to those meeting the criteria.

6. Hidden Symptoms

DID is often referred to as a “covert” presenting disorder. What this means is that most commonly outsiders, friends, family, employers and even the patient themselves can have a nearly impossible time recognizing the symptoms, and it often goes unnoticed until an event destabilizes the function of the person’s life. This can lead to a lot of backlash or denial coming from peers and family close to the person. This leads to the patient hearing a lot of: “I’ve never noticed personality changes”, “You don’t act like you have it”, “You couldn’t possibly have that”, “No, I would have noticed”, “You have to be mistaken”, “There’s no way, it would have been obvious”. And so, so much more. The reality of DID is that it’s *not* noticeable. It’s a safety response that the brain created to protect the psyche from the intense damages that come with long term trauma experiences, so it’s often designed to hide itself from abusers or perceived threats as a way to compartmentalize trauma memories and maintain the ability to survive through stress and unstable situations. Not being able to “notice” is kind of the point in most cases.

7. Wandering and Dissociative Episodes

Living with untreated or unmanaged DID can potentially be dangerous due to episodes of dissociation, “wandering” experiences (where the patient will wander away from home, family, or life in a confusion, attempt to return to a perceived life never lived, or in a state of belief that their current life is unsafe). For me this took a head last year, and was actually an event that led to the solidification that this disorder was the explanation to my experiences. According to nurses and my husband, I had wandered into the emergency room of a hospital in the middle of the night, with no idea who or where I was, with no idea how to return home, or even where home was. I was wearing a t-shirt, and it had been raining, and my body was so cold they needed to retake my vitals nearly 6 times because they were unable to get an appropriate reading. After discovering my identity, my husband was called to take me home. Working with a therapist helped to develop a safety plan during events like this to prevent harm from coming to my body, or from ending up in newly traumatic environments, but I was lucky. These situations can lead to re-traumatization, victimization, it can lead to kidnapping, assault, it can lead to being injured or harmed by environmental factors and so much more and it is so incredibly important that DID patients work with their therapist to develop solid safety plans proactively to make sure that the patient doesn’t experience any worst case scenarios during episodes like this.

Conclusion

My experiences are individual to me, and to my psyche. Not everyone will experience the disorder the same way, because not everyone experiences or responds to trauma the same way. I am so lucky, and extremely privileged to be able to access consistent care and treatment, that I found a professional who trusts me, and is focused on stabilizing and supporting. Too many people living with this disorder have no access to supportive mental health care because of the misconceptions that parts of the medical field hold regarding the legitimacy or frequency that the disorder develops, and too many peers and circles of people outcast or disregard the very real, very difficult experiences because they don’t understand the disorder, or believe it doesn’t exist, or believe it looks like split. If you, or someone you know is struggling with Dissociative symptoms, or dissociative identity disorder do not be afraid to reach out to a professional for support, and educate yourself on the reality of the disorder.

#dissociative identity disorder #DID System #dissociation #mental health awareness #mental illness #mentalhealthawareness #mental health #actuallydissociative #dissociative amnesia #education #psychotherapy #experience #actuallytraumatized #trauma #actuallydid #did/osdd

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ad1thi · 4 years

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henlo adi tis i with a request for some stevetony fics,,, angsty if you have 'em 💓

okay so this rec list is mainly classic stevetony fics, but i assure you - there’s angsty ones in there (ive marked the angsty ones with a 😞 so you can identify them quicker) just a general note that a lot of authors are going to repeat, because there are some authors that (imo) are stevetony staples (so if you see an author more than once - thats a sign that ALL of their stevetony is good and ive cherry picked the ones i love the most) (ive also marked those authors with a 🌟)

in the light of limerence: @shell-heads

It's the final game of the season, their biggest one yet, and there's only one question on everybody's mind: who the hell is Captain Steve Rogers' boyfriend, and why does Cap keep dodging questions about him?

"You gotta admit it's suspicious that only Bucky and Sam have met your boyfriend, dude," Clint points out as he shoves Pietro away with a smirk, pulling the uniform over his head and tugging it down. "We've known you, what-two years? We've never seen the guy even once."

"And your phone mysteriously only has pictures of Tony Stark," Johnny Storm adds as he joins the conversation, knocking knees with Thor when he sits down on one of the benches. "Tony Stark, who has at least ten fansites and personally assured me he's had a boyfriend for the past five years."

"I can't believe Cap is actually out here acting like Tony Stark's boyfriend," Luke says with a smirk, resting against a wall without a care.

"I can't believe you guys still think this is a joke," Sam throws back while tossing his other dirty sock at Luke, who dodges it smoothly.

In little more than ten minutes, the biggest question of Shield University is answered with much aplomb by none other than Tony Stark himself.

almeno tu nell'universo: @silkspectred 😞 🌟 (funfact: this is the fic that got me into stevetony)

Tony drives off.

Well, he wants to.

But he can’t.

Because.

Steve Rogers is in front of his car.

Steve fucking Rogers. Is in front of Tony’s fucking car.

Rookie and Jailbait Take On The World: @theapplepielifestyle 🌟

“You really should be in school, you know.”

“Why would I be there when I could be here, solving crimes with my favourite rookie?” Tony flashes a grin, and Steve’s stomach twists like it did on the first day.

Teenager, Steve’s mind supplies. Definitely not legal, stop doing fluttery things, stomach.

Thumb, Index and Pinky Extended: @/Eudoxia 😞

Tony Stark is twenty-one when he loses his voice. It shouldn't matter, but in a world where the first words your Soulmate says to you are marked on your skin, it can be pretty damn annoying.

I (created from fantasies) exist solely for you: @mizzy2k

Six years ago, without the Avengers Initiative there to save the day, scientist Dr. Eric Selvig sacrificed himself to save the world, the almighty demi-god Thor was lost to a terrible storm, and vigilante Iron Man – spotted with a nuclear weapon trying to take advantage of the situation – was forever labelled an enemy of SHIELD.

This is a comic book office AU, where Steve is defrosted a year too late, Thor has forgotten who he is, and no one knows Tony is Iron Man.

Also includes: office pranks, inappropriate post-it notes, and superheroes who like pina coladas and getting caught in the rain.

Celestial Navigation: @sabrecmc

Celestial Navigation: 18 year old Omega!Tony finds himself Bonded to Captain Steve Rogers. He isn't happy about it until he is.

By request, here is CN in one place without other stories and artwork.

Ironsides: @copperbadge 🌟

Antonia Carter Stark takes no shit and no prisoners.

Paved With Good Intentions (I’m On The Road To Hell): @itsallavengers 😞 🌟

When the mysterious group of vigilante assassins known only as 'The Avengers' are tipped off about the dirty secrets that lie within Stark Industries, Steve Rogers has his heart set on taking out Tony Stark for good in order to protect the rest of the world from his evil. He's seen the footage, after all- Stark is a man who fights only for himself. And of course, when a job arises as chief bodyguard for Stark, to protect him from the growing threat of an ominously infatuated stalker, the opportunity is way too good for him to miss out on. It's the perfect placement, and the perfect way to find out whether or not their tipoff is genuine.

But as Steve falls into rank as the new bodyguard for Mr. Stark and he spends time getting to know and protect him, his initial hatred begins to falter and merge into something different, something far more terrifying than the prospect of killing the face of Stark Industries.

Steve Rogers may just be falling in love with him instead.

The Problem With Communication: @itsallavengers

Steve is terrible at flirting, but when he finally picks up the courage to talk to the adorable barista who makes his drinks, he finds himself hitting a small snag:

That being, Tony is deaf. He doesn't know what Steve is saying.

But never say Steve Rogers does not rise to a challenge.

Killing Me Softly (With His Song): @itsallavengers

Steve is Tony's whole world. Tony couldn't imagine life without him. They've grown up together, after all.

Steve gets cancer.

Open Field In Front of Him: orphan account

Steve Rogers's football season is functionally over after a loss to Rutgers, but he finds a distraction in Tony Stark (yes, THAT Tony Stark). A college AU Stony fic.

Good For You: @orbingarrow 😞

Steve doesn't understand why Tony dates people who abuse him. Tony doesn't understand why Steve cares.

The rest is bad choices, good choices, rehab, milkshakes, paintball, YouTube videos, couples therapy and learning to put the past in the past. Or: How Tony finds his happy ending.

COMPLETE 5/27/16 Edited to add art as last chapter on 6/23/16

Wrapped Up In Clover: @festiveferret

It's been seven years since Steve and Tony split up, and Steve's sure he'll never see Tony again. He's finally managed to put their failed relationship behind him and move on, focusing on his friends and building his business. But then his best friends, Bucky and Clint, decide to get married, and their wedding week at a cabin resort in Vermont turns into a minefield of heartbreak for Steve.

little green soldiers: @/nasa 🌟

“Rhodey,” Tony says. “I’m not stupid. He’s shipping out in three months. I’m not going to fall in love with him.”

Tony is a student at MIT; Steve is a soldier. They meet at a house party six months before Steve is set to deploy. This is their story.

flesh and bone: @/nasa 😞

“You or Rogers?” they ask, brandishing a knife or a gun or a flame.

“Me,” Tony says, over and over again. “Me, me, me,” always me.

Buried: @not-close-to-straight

When Howard Stark demands Tony work at a dig site in S.America one summer to "build character" and "learn about life", Tony is furious. But then he meets soldier/archeologist Steve and falls in love with blue eyes and a perfect smile.

Just as they are ready to move forward together, Steve leaves abruptly with no explanation and breaks Tonys heart. Ten years later, Tony stumbles across the file for the old dig site. He's determined to visit and shut it down, but discovers that instead of a village, the dig has uncovered a temple and actually needs MORE money to stay open. A security team is hired to protect the staff and the artefacts they find, and Tony comes face to face with Steve Rogers all over again– except Steve is bearded and BIGGER and way more dangerous than he used to be...And Tony likes it.

When the camp is attacked, Steve jumps into action, snatching Tony and running into the jungle to escape and work their way towards safety. But long days and nights together bring back old feelings, and one day Steve takes a risk and asks Tony to give them another chance. Will Tony say yes? Or is his heart buried too far for the soldier-turned- archaeologist-turned-mercenary to find it?

don’t know why it took me so long to see: @3799steps

“Oh, watch this,” Natasha says, propping her chin against her knuckles and turning a sweet gaze on him. “Tony, what’s it like dating a superhero?”

Tony bristles in irritation. “We’re not dating,” he snaps. “Captain America probably thinks he can get into anyone’s pants just ‘cause he’s got a mask, costume, and reputation, but not me, buddy. That shield? Gotta be overcompensating for something.” He adds, a bit petulantly, “Oh, and all that blue? Definitely more Steve’s color than his.”

- In which Tony is a genius in all matters except recognising his boyfriend past a mask

Heartlines: @nanasekei 🌟

“Let me,” Tony repeats. He regrets it deeply, so much, he wants to stick the words back into his mouth again, and it must show, in the way his voice wavers. He feels exposed, all of a sudden, as if he’s asking something bigger than what he can actually say. Let me touch you, let me take care of you. “Just… Let me do it.“

Feel Whole Again: @thepartyresponsible

Steve turns to leave. It’s easier to talk, somehow, when he’s not looking at him. “If you need anything,” he says, “I’m just a few floors down.”

“Might regret that, Cap,” Tony says to his retreating back. “I’ve been told I’m needy.”

Steve doesn’t know who the hell said that to Tony. It’s probably for the best that he doesn’t.

“It’s an honor,” he says, a little helpless, out of his depth and out of his time. “It’s an honor to be trusted with something like that, Tony.”

Attack Dog: @/salytierra

Steve doesn't swim in self-delusion. He knows that he is sick and that his owner is even worse. He is aware of it every time he rips some nameless guy’s throat out and feels the crunch of bones under his fingers. He is aware of it every time the rush of adrenaline at seeing life slip away from a stranger’s eyes hits him and gets him bothered and panting in ways that have nothing to do with physical exhaustion.

But it feels so good…

His owner’s approach is less personal. His shots fall clean and take out several foes at a time, his figure elegant and so graceful he looks like a god among savages. He is power incarnated, cold and burning like a sun at the same time… and Steve tries not to focus on him when they are fighting together, least his knees go weak and his technique falters. It’s fine though. They will go home afterwards and his owner will fuck him on the hard floor, with most of their gear still on and a vicious grip in his hair.

#adi's rec list #stevetony #superhusbands #steve rogers/tony stark #stevetony staples #OKAY this is like 20 fics long #so im going to make a second post #and the second post will have more #but have these for now :)))#adi answers asks #rhodee

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jade4813 · 3 years

Text

Sparks Fly, Chapter 14

Title: Sparks Fly

Rating: NC-17

Synopsis: Everybody knows sparks fly whenever Barry Allen and Iris West are together. Their mutual animosity is legendary. But when Iris returns to Central City to investigate recent sightings of a mysterious red streak, she discovers a hero she just can’t resist…and Barry struggles to hide the unrequited feelings he can’t deny.

Chapters: 14/?

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Iris didn’t know how long she stood there, in that place that wasn’t really a place, trying to process what the speed force had told her. Time was irrelevant where she was. Or, she corrected herself with a sardonic smile, perhaps someone like Barry would tell her that time was irrelative where she was. There was no way to mark its passing because it didn’t seem to pass so much as it converged around her – the past, present, and future swirling around this makeshift construct of ground upon which she stood, melding together, before breaking apart again to go its separate ways.

“If you stay here for very long, you may die. But without a lightning rod on the other side, I don’t know how to send you back where you belong.” The words echoed in her head, too immense to contemplate, leaving her weak as she tried to fight off the panic that had swept over her from the moment they had been uttered. But Iris had neither the time nor the luxury for panic. She wasn’t the type to go down without a fight.

Sucking in a deep breath, she closed her eyes and counted to ten as she slowly exhaled. Twice. A third time. And then she opened her eyes, determined to focus on the problem and not the what ifs that would overwhelm her. Every problem had a solution, her father had once told her. Of course, he’d been talking about juggling homework and not being trapped in a place outside of space and time when he’d said the words, but she had to believe they still applied. If only because she had no other option.

Focusing on the mist around her, Iris could still see shadows of her other lives in other worlds and times and realities. But this time, she didn’t shy away. She focused, hoping she could find some sort of answer there. Focus on the problem. Every problem has a solution. Sometimes she just had to reframe the question, she reminded herself silently as she watched the images flicker by. Blushing and looking away when the pictures she saw were more intimate than anything she’d ever done with the man she knew.

What was the problem? Well, she was stuck in the speed force. It didn’t seem like any version of herself had ever faced that dilemma before – though with the apparent thousands upon thousands of versions of Barry and Iris that did or could or might exist, she could hardly swear to it. Either way, that train of thought wasn’t getting her anywhere.

So instead of the situation, she turned her attention to the act itself. The Man in Yellow, Eobard, abandoning her within the speed force. Wanting to hurt her. Wanting to destroy the Flash.

As she thought about the villain of her nightmares, the images around her flickered and changed. No longer was she watching the love she and Barry were apparently destined to share. Instead, she watched countless battles between the Flash and his arch-nemesis in yellow.

Holding her breath (though she apparently didn’t breathe here any more than she suffered from the passage of time), she watched battle after battle. Eobard facing off against the Flash and losing. Or at least not winning, as sometimes the battles ended in a tie or a temporary retreat. Either way, Eobard failed to kill his sworn enemy. Again and again.

But it wasn’t just Barry and Eobard in the scenes before. Sometimes she was there, too – or some other version of her, at least. Eobard racing toward her, determined to snap her neck. To put his hand through her heart. And the Flash intervening, saving her life. Too many times to count.

She was reminded of the night Eobard had attacked her in her own home. Barry had shown up that night, too. She had thought it was a coincidence. Sheer luck. But was that really the case? The visions in front of her suggested otherwise. No matter how great their love, there was no way that Barry could just happen to save her from death at the hands of another speedster thousands upon thousands of times. There was simply no way. Particularly since, once or twice in the flickering images, she could swear that it wasn’t Barry who came to her rescue at all but some other speedster (a revelation she tucked away for future contemplation, as she pondered who these other speedsters could be and if they might exist on her world and reality, as well).

“The speed force is not just something that gives speedsters their powers. I am a part of them, and they are a part of me. Just like I created the Flash, and the Flash creates me in return. But that power is more than someone without that connection can control … I would never hurt you. Not intentionally. But you were never meant to enter the speed force for very long. You are the one who brings Barry back. Not the other way around.”

Iris mulled over the words the speed force had told her, feeling that they were more significant than she’d first realized. The speed force needed Barry. Maybe it even loved him – if such a thing were possible. And Barry, it had said, needed her. Which meant, in a sense, the speed force needed her.

Enough to act to protect her in countless lives and realities? Helping Barry to reach her side, to save her life, time and again? Perhaps.

As intriguing – and, to be honest, a little terrifying – as that thought was, it didn’t really help with her current predicament. Given what the speed force had told her, she suspected it would help her escape, if such a thing was in its power. If it hadn’t immediately expelled her back into her reality, she had to believe it simply couldn’t do so of its own volition.

Allowing herself one single huff of disappointment that her prior train of thought hadn’t gotten her any closer to the answer, Iris took a mental step back and tried to find a new way to analyze the problem. So long as she remained calm and focused, she told herself a solution had to come eventually. She couldn’t afford to give in to the despair of thinking otherwise.

In silence, Iris studied the images in front of her again. Barry and Eobard fighting, pushing each other faster and faster. Moving at speeds too fast for the eye to see. She found herself wondering idly what their top speed might be. What was the fastest any speedster had ever moved? Fast enough to bring her into the speed force itself and abandon her in this strange unreality, at least.

Wait. That was it. Eobard had carried her into the speed force. Or, rather, he’d thrown her into it, but that suggested that either he or others had entered the speed force before. Well, either before or after. The lack of time relativity was really messing with Iris’s mind. However, one way or another, other speedsters must have either entered or carried others into the speed force at some point.

No. Not others. The speed force had indicated that she was the first non-speedster to find herself inside it. Though not that she’d been the first person to find herself inside it. It was a critical distinction that gave her a rush of excitement, convinced that she might be on the right path. If other speedsters had entered the speed force, perhaps one of them could bring her back home.

Of course, it was unlikely that the solution would be so easy as flagging down a passing speedster like she might hail a cab. But she didn’t let that demoralize her. She just had to take things one step at a time.

Once again, the images in the mist around her morphed in answer to her silent request. Other versions of the Flash, racing into a black void, like the one she’d glimpsed just before finding herself in this place. The images confirmed her suspicions. Speedsters typically didn’t enter the speed force when they ran. Perhaps they just channeled its energy, like a racer using nitrous to give their car a boost, not needing to crawl into the engine to tap into that extra bit of speed. (It was an imperfect analogy at best, she supposed, but it would do.)

Except if they didn’t always enter the speed force when they ran, Iris needed to determine when and why they did if she was going to find a way to flag one down and ask them to carry her home. As she pondered the question, a flicker of yellow caught her eye, and she watched as Eobard himself raced into the speed force. He did so more than once, studying the pictures as she tried to figure out his purpose. She was struggling to put the pieces together until she saw something that made them fall into place, making her gasp. She watched as Eobard ran into the speed force from a place that looked like something out of a futuristic science fiction novel, racing out again to come to a stop in front of the Allen’s home.

The speed force had confirmed that he was from the future, that he had traveled into the past determined to kill the Flash. Was this the moment he had made his fateful journey? It had to be, didn’t it? Which meant that, whatever other reasons speedsters might enter the speed force, they did so in order to travel through time.

Which admittedly didn’t help her much. Eobard definitely wasn’t the only person to have ever raced into the speed force, and as Iris watched the images flickering around her, she realized that he wasn’t even the only one to have ever time traveled before. But that didn’t really help her, since she suspected he would hardly be willing to take her home, and she didn’t know how to get the attention of any other speedster going on a trip through time in order to make the request.

But still, she felt that she was close to an answer. She had to be, because nothing else came to mind. Closing her eyes to block out the images that might otherwise distract her, Iris began to pace back and forth, hoping the physical activity would help clear her mind.

How long had she been in this place, she wondered. Without being subject to the passage of time, did it really matter? It might have been ten minutes. It might have been an eternity. She had no idea.

Wait. Time. That gave her a thought. Time was irrelative here, so it really didn’t matter that speedsters didn’t race through the speed force whenever they used their powers. She didn’t have to worry that she’d missed her chance to catch a passing speedster because the speed force was no time and yet every time in equal measure. In a sense, every moment in time was happening all around her, all at once. So it wasn’t a matter of when it might happen but how she might get someone’s attention. Someone who didn’t want to kill her, she mentally corrected herself.

That gave her an idea, although it seemed a bit far-fetched. Still, what was the harm in trying? “Flash, help me!” she yelled into the mist that surrounded her. As expected, nobody heeded her call. But sometimes the biggest problems had the easiest solutions, so it had been worth a shot.

Sucking in a deep, calming breath, Iris returned her attention to the problem. As she paced, she swung her arms back and forth – an old trick she used to do when studying for finals in college, because someone had told her it helped to get the blood flowing to her brain. Well, she didn’t know if her blood really flowed, exactly, in this timeless space. But she did stop short when the movement gave her another idea.

Opening her eyes, Iris focused, willing the images around her to change once more. And so they did, showing speedsters in a rainbow of colors as they raced. Electricity of different colors sparking behind them, papers and other detritus left spinning in their wake. It happened pretty much every time they ran, this impact of their speed on the world around them.

If only she had someone like Barry with her to help explain the physics of what she was watching; she’d only ever studied basic physics in school, and that was long ago. Still, there was no point in wasting time wishing for things that she didn’t have. Instead, she watched the scenes before her with narrowed eyes, trying to make sense of what she was seeing for herself. In particular, she watched the papers that were sent flying when the Flash ran past.

Iris couldn’t necessarily explain the physics for any of it, but for a split second, it was as though the papers were drawn towards the Flash as he ran, before being sent in a spiraling dance to the floor, carried by the wind that was an inevitable aftermath of such incredible speed. If that was the case, could she use such a phenomenon to return home? She didn’t need to be carried for miles. She just needed enough momentum to propel her through the vortex that appeared whenever a speedster entered and exited the speed force. The papers only appeared to be drawn in for a split second, but that was all she really needed. Particularly since time, as she’d already established, was fluid inside the speed force.

Perhaps she was on completely the wrong path, but she had at least one theory for how to return home, which was more than he’d had before. Now all she needed was a passing speedster to test it out. With every moment in time occurring more or less simultaneously, it would take focus to latch onto one that she needed. Like the images in the mist had required focus to form into anything of use.

First, she tried to think of the moment she had seen previously, when Eobard had traveled into the past for what she assumed to be the first time. But it didn’t seem to do any good. Perhaps the thought was too vague to offer the speed force much direction. The problem was, she didn’t know a more specific moment that Eobard – or any other speedster, for that matter – had traveled through time.

Except…she did. Didn’t she? The night her dad had first seen the Man in Yellow. Sure, it was possible that Eobard had been lurking around for years, waiting for the perfect moment to put his plan into action. But Iris doubted it. She suspected he would consider it a waste of time. Particularly since time was something he appeared willing to manipulate.

It occurred to her that, even if she was right, there was a chance this would leave her stranded in the past, on the night Eobard had killed three police officers and terrorized her father as part of his plan to destroy the Flash. She had no idea how she would get back to where – or when, rather – she belonged.

But one step at a time. First, she had to get herself out of the speed force. Then she’d figure out what to do next.

#sparks fly #fanfiction #my fanfiction #westallen #barry allen #iris west #the flash #enemies to lovers au

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flying-nightwing · 4 years

Text

Act IV: The Finale

Hi people! Finally the last part of this short serie! Honestly I had no expactation for it but I think it might slither into my all time favourite things I’ve written. I won’t lie, I think I’m in love with this last chapter. I feel like it’s the part we really understand both characters and their motivations in relation to each other. Anyway, I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it!

Edit: I realize I have kept this gender neutral! so I change it on the infos on the first part and this one

Parts 1-3 in Masterlist!

Pairing: Tim Drake x gender neutral reader

Word count: 3456

Warnings: language, mention of violence (non-graphic)

“... And this is why I have taken the decision to repeal the vigilante act. All measures taken by the city and GCPD to collaborate with vigilantes on the matters listed are to be repelled at this instant. We will no longer tolerate criminals telling us how to protect our city and all arrest mandates out for vigilantes are to be reactivated--”

Tim passed a hand in his face after Bruce turned off the TV. There was some serious tensions going on in the batcave, especially after this gruesome live tape of the mayor, visibly held hostage in some kind of basement, delivered the new order to cancel all the work they had achieved to at least stop the cops from trying to hunt them down instead of focusing on actual crime.

The first thing he had done once he came back to the cave was to research you in any database he could hack into. He started in the state registry, knowing you had told him you had been an orphan. He had no idea what was a lie and what wasn’t in what you had told him, but that was apparently true. The picture attached was a younger version of you, that was clear, but any update on your whereabouts stopped at age 11. Then, he tried to look for a driver’s license, passeport, any ID documents you could have. He also hit a dead end with that too, so he looked into less savory types of repertories.

He finally found you in the mercenary databases, with a clear, recent picture and your… Impressive record. As he scrolled down your list of confirmed hits, he felt his stomach sink further and further. Marco Rizzo, the philanthropist, the kidnapped mayor, and it went on and on. What truly put him on the floor, however, was to see your credentials. You were Falcone’s main gun and you had trained under various mentors including Slade Wilson, out of all people.

You were the real deal and he had let himself fall for you, hard.

He felt stupid now. Did you even know who he was at night? Had you gone to him to throw him off your scent? Even after discovering all of this about you, a part of him still hoped you had no clue. It would hurt less to know it was a coincidence you bumped into each other rather than a calculated move from you.

“So… Your date uh?”

Tim cringed when Bruce spoke up. It was even worse to hear it out loud.

“I don’t wanna hear it” He mumbled, keeping his eyes dead set on the wall. He knew he had acted irresponsibly, he knew he should have seen the signs sooner, he knew he should have remained alert and not let himself be charmed by you, or let himself be sidetracked from his mission. It was a rookie mistake.

“Talk about sleeping with the enemy” Damian snorted from behind them. Tim turned around, glaring at him. He was sitting in a computer chair, casually eating noodles with chopsticks and watching the exchange like it was a movie. Of course, the demon had spied on the conversation.

“Damian!”

“What?” He looked at Bruce, shrugging nonchalantly.

Bruce sighed, shaking his head. He returned his attention to Tim again. “What do you want to do now?”

Tim didn’t reply straight away. He was conflicted, angry, sad, disappointed; he had rarely felt such a cocktail of emotions like that. On one hand, he wanted to wallow in self pity. It seemed like the one thing left to do, as life finally sent someone he could see himself get with but made them the exact opposite of what he stood for. But he couldn’t, he had to put a stop to this madness. He had to confront you.

“We’ll need to set a trap” He finally spoke, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “A contract that can’t be refused, draw them out. I’ll take care of it, it’ll be better that way”

“Are you sure you’ll be up to it?”

“Yes” Tim snapped, and Bruce took a careful step back. “I won’t be fooled twice. I can do it”

“Alright, just making sure” Bruce wasn’t convinced, but he still trusted his son. He knew he'd do the right thing if push came to shove. “What did you have in mind?”

Tim took a deep breath. “50 millions for a bullet in Bruce Wayne’s head”

---

It was too good to be true, and your suspicions of foul play were confirmed when your eyes spotted the red and black sticking out of the grim portrait of Gotham’s roof tops.

You knew something was up when you were offered a 50 millions solo contract. You usually went out for 15 millions for high profile targets, but curiosity got the best of you. The only thought of potentially pocketing that much money was enough of a motivation for you to at least find out what was up. But now, it was clear it was a set up as Red Robin himself was waiting for you. It was too bad for the money, but the prospect of facing a real Gotham vigilante for the first time was exciting.

“I’ve beaten you twice already” You smirked. “You called me for a third?”

A scowl set on his masked face. “Trust me, there won’t be a third” He spoke up in a gravelling voice. “Either you come with me here and now, or we do this the hard way”

“Oh, now you’ve got me interested” You teased as you circled him. “Do tell me more about this hard way of yours”

He deployed his staff. Your eyebrows raised at his challenge. “You’re arrogant” He stated. He wasn’t wrong. “It’s gonna be your downfall”

“... Or not” You shrugged, not stopping your assessment of him. “Still waiting on the monologue detailing your plan to stop me, by the way”

“There isn’t one”

He lunged. He did it so quickly and smoothly you almost didn’t see him move. Your reflexes allowed you to roll out of the way just in time, and the way the staff collided with the cement told you it wouldn’t have been a long fight if that had hit its intended target: you. You looked at him and you regained your footing, reevaluating the situation. You were skilled, but you doubted it would be enough to go toes to toes with Red Robin, now that you had had a glimpse of what he could actually do.

You raised an eyebrow and smirked. “Catch me if you can”

Before he could process your world, you turned around and jumped off the building, landing on the roof a dozens of feet lower. You didn’t waste time taking off, knowing he would be right behind you. You ran across the rooftop and leaped off the ledge and above the alley to grab onto the fire exit on the next building over. You hurried to climb it, ending up on yet another rooftop. You ran alongside the pool and jumped over the tables, kicking them back to try and slow down Red Robin, who was little by little gaining on you. Fuck, he’s fast, you thought. You weren’t even tempting to look back, but you knew with the sound of his footsteps alone.

You hadn’t planned on him being able to follow you that easily, not even cursing behind you as you took another jump over a considerable gap between buildings. You were fast, faster than most. Making exits had always been your strong suit, whether it was on foot, by car or otherwise. However, the only times you had faced him were when you had a rocket launcher as a deterrent or when you were driving an actual race car. Now that the field was levelled, you didn’t have the advantage anymore. You knew you wouldn’t be able to outrun him if you kept going on that way, so you had to change your strategy.

You took a sharp turn to the left and grabbed a clothesline, pulling out a knife from your belt and severing in behind your grip. You took a good running start and let yourself fall on the building on the other side of the street, pausing to glance at Red Robin standing where you had just been seconds ago. He was trying to find another way to cross, but there was none and even he couldn’t make that jump. You gave him a wave and a wink before taking off again. However, on the corner of your eyes, you still could see him tracking you relentlessly, not letting you get away so easily.

You jumped over an alley, and instead of landing on the next roof, you aimed for the first balcony from the top. With your shoulder first and your head tucked in, you went straight through the sliding door window and rolled on the landing to smooth your fall. You glanced beside you at the terrified man in his underwear who was cowering on the couch and looked behind you, shrugging.

“Sorry for the mess” You didn’t wait until he replied to walk out the apartment. You jogged down the stairs, knowing Red Robin would have lost your trace now. Or so you thought.

You halted your steps when you noticed him waiting at the bottom of the staircase and leaning on the rail with a nonchalant expression, like it had been easy to predict you would come out that way. He returned the little sarcastic wave you had given him minutes earlier, making your face fall. You turned around and climbed back the steps back to the first floor, barging in and running across the hallway until you reached the window at the end. You took the time to open this one, seeing as he had not yet reached the floor. You slipped through it and climbed down the wall to land into the back alley. You were about to head for the streets when an already too familiar red and black figure blocked your way.

You took off in the opposite direction, well, until you came face to face with a brick wall. There was nothing to climb onto, no fire exit to use, no way to get away. You closed your eyes and cursed under your breath as footsteps reached you. He wasn’t in a hurry, his pace was tauntingly slow and confident he had you trapped. You recomposed yourself before turning around to face him.

“You forced me to make a mistake” You stated with a sigh. “Impressive”

“Told you” He said, taking a step toward you. “Arrogance did end up being your downfall”

“I don’t suppose we could have a rematch, uh?” You tried, smiling coyly. “That staff didn’t seem such a bad idea in hindsight”

“If you thought you could win then, you wouldn’t have dragged me into this pointless chase” He scoffed, and your eyebrows raised. He was right, but damn. “Unless you want a beating at that too”

“Ouch” You chuckled. “That really hurts my pride”

“Good” He smirked. “Now that you know you won’t get away from this one, just do the logical thing and surrender. There’s nowhere to go”

You held eye contact for a moment before slowly raising your hands. “Alright” You complied with a nod. “You earned that one”

He took careful steps toward you, alert to whatever quick move you would do. But you could recognize when you were beaten, so you didn’t plan any surprise move. Getting caught by a vigilante was an eventuality, even you knew you wouldn’t escape them forever. You just didn’t think it would have been this soon. He grabbed your wrists, and once he was sure he had you solidly enough, he twisted your arm behind you and pushed you rather roughly into the brick wall.

“Woah there champion” You coughed out in surprise. “I feel that spark between us, I really do, and I admit I am partially to blame for it, but I’m kinda seeing someone? And I’m really into him so if you could just. Stop manhandling me that way, that’d be great”

You felt him take a considerable step backward, and his grip on your arm dropped. You frowned, carefully turning around to face him. You didn’t understand why he had let you go, and his blush combined with his bewildered expression only made you more confused.

“Okay, what is going on, now?” You asked, not taking your eyes off him. It was like he was a completely different person now, and you couldn’t point out exactly why it was suddenly so familiar. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, jeez”

“I’m not” He defended too quickly, his voice wavering. Your eyes squinted even more as you took one step forward. He didn’t move, it was like he was frozen in place. “It doesn’t matter. It’s over for you”

“Uh” You took another step, and he squared up, trying to cover the fact he had totally lost his edge over you. You could have made a run for it, you knew it would have been ridiculously easy at that moment to evade him, but something held you back. You scrutinized him, your head tilting to the side. He gulped, and suddenly it all pieced together. That reaction to your flirting, you knew it all too well. Your eyes widened, before you gave him a sympathetic smile. “You know, while this mask does suit you, I prefer to see your eyes, handsome”

His muscles tensed for a second or two, but his shoulder sagged soon after. He sighed and rubbed his forehead. “How long have you known?”

Your eyebrows furrowed. “What do you mean, how long?” You asked. “Thirty five seconds ago”

“You didn’t know before?”

“Uh, no” You replied. “What does it matter?”

“You… You didn’t go on a date with me to distract me from your trail?”

“No, I went on a date with you because I like you?” You raised an eyebrow. “I would have been way more careful with my lies if I had known, fuck I was so obvious, no wonder you figured it out. Besides, I just told you I’m really into you--”

You were surprised by the sudden movement of his arm that sneaked behind your neck and brought you flush against his lips. Okay then. You returned the kiss without hesitation holding on to his shoulders under the sheer force he was applying against you. It was a lot different from the shy boy you had met at the racetrack, but then again, he was Red Robin right now, more so than Tim Drake. You could have never connected the two if it hadn’t been from your flirting from up close. Before you knew, he tore himself from you and jumped back like you were actual fire, cursing under his breath. You blinked slowly at his sudden absence from your immediate vicinity, then rolled your eyes. Dramatic much?

“What is it now?”

“You’re still a criminal” Now he refused to meet your eyes.

“Are you-- Is this because of what happened in the alley the other day?” You sighed, throwing your hands up before letting them fall back and slap on the side of your thighs. “I’m sorry, okay? I wouldn’t have ran you into the garbage pile if I had known it was you. And I wouldn’t have threatened you with a rocket launcher either-- Shit okay I see your point, I’m really sorry about that too”

“No!” He yelled. “I mean, yeah, kind of. But you kill people for a living, I can’t--”

“What does it change?” You asked. “You liked me before you found out. You were about to hand me to the police, I still like you! In fact, if you could ram me into the wall once again like you just did, I wouldn’t--”

“Please stop talking”

You grinned. “Does it turn you on?”

“Y-No” He replied, correcting himself last second. You raised a subjective eyebrow. “Stop that”

“Stop what?” You asked innocently. “I’m just saying it’s on the table. If I had known it was you when you did it, I would have enjoyed it so you’re welcome to do it again”

“Do you ever stop flirting?” He deadpanned. He crossed his arms against his chest, but it definitely didn’t have the intended effect. Instead, you just checked him out even more, since his muscles were very well defined in that suit. You liked it.

“With you? Not a chance, handsome”

And here came the blush again. He looked away and gulped, ignoring your self satisfied smile. You could do that all day and never get bored of it. Still, you regained a somewhat serious expression for the conversation that was inevitably coming.

“So now what?” You spoke up. “You give me to the cops? We pretend nothing happened between us? Because I’ll be honest with you, I don’t want that. I meant it when I said I liked you”

“My job is to stop crime, and the people who commit it” He began with a sigh. “I just can’t ignore the fact that you are one of the bad guy”

“That’s valid” You nodded slowly. “But this is just a job. I don’t do it for the power trip of taking people out, I do it because I’m good at it, and because I like the money that comes with it. Although, I’ll admit I do enjoy making dramatic exits from time to time--all the time”

Tim snorted. Of course you liked your exit, that had been obvious from the start. But even if he did not agree with your job, or with the lack of morals that came with it, he had to recognize the difference between you and the typical Gotham criminal. From what he had found out so far about you, you never caused casualties in any of your contracts. You always kept the mess to a minimum. You were a far cry from the Joker or Poison Ivy, for that matter.

Even if you couldn’t see his eyes clearly, you could just see the gears turning in his head. Would it be so bad if he let you go? What if he kept seeing you? He could agree with you on one thing: behind his reluctance because of your job, he really didn’t want to pretend nothing happened. He liked you a lot, and it absolutely frustrated him that the one god sent person he instantly clicked with was on the other side of his moral spectrum.

“Tell me” You said softly, bringing back his attention to you. “If you had never found out about my job, would you have asked me on a second date?”

“Yes” He didn’t hesitate in his answer. It was like you could read his mind, reminding him of how well you fit together. He wanted both to scream and to kiss you again.

You took a deep breath, letting him think some more. You could very much suspect the news of your activities was harder on him than his were on you, so you understood the need to let him a little space while he figured it all out. You had half expected him to go ahead with his initial plan though, so you prepared yourself mentally for him eventually binding your wrists and dragging you to the nearest precinct.

That’s probably why you were surprised when he took a step aside, no longer blocking you from leaving. You didn’t move, only stared at him.

“I won’t give you a free pass if I catch you doing shady stuff” He sighed, gesturing to the exit of the alley. “ But for this time, I guess I’ll see you next time you do something stupid”

“Not before?” You raised an eyebrow. The corner of his lips slightly lifted.

“Maybe before”

“Is that a yes on the second date?” You asked, hopeful. “7:30 next Friday at that lobster place you mentioned?”

“Will you be working that night?”

“I won’t!” You hurried to confirm. “I swear I won’t”

He let out a long sigh like he was reconsidering his entire life. “What the hell, sure”

“Great!” You grinned wide, stealing a quick kiss on his lips.

“Go, now” He ordered, gaining back his more authoritative vigilante voice. Oof, that was hot, you thought, but you kept it to yourself for once. “Before I change my mind”

“See you on Friday, handsome!”

He watched you run out of the alley, finding himself suddenly excited at the prospect of seeing you again, whether it would be as Red Robin or as himself on a date with you.

#tim drake x reader #tim drake x you #tim drake imagine #tim drake fic #red robin x reader

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warmau · 4 years

Text

{Regular Inspired!AU x NCT} Sicheng

tw: weapons mention, violence mention, n*fw elements, be warned. everything written here is a work of FICTION, it does not in anyway reflect reality, nor do i condone any of the extreme behavior. ♢ introduction ♢ pick mark instead | pick haechan instead | pick yuta instead | pick johnny instead | pick doyoung instead | pick taeil instead ♢ special route: pick ten

“don’t fall in love with sicheng, everyone always does it and everyone always ends up the same.”

“sicheng?”

“are you asking for him or are you confirming him as your pick?”

the way jaehyun phrases that questions makes something coil up in the pit of your stomach

should i not pick him? it’s just he said he’s going to beijing which means ..... ill be far from people who could possibly hurt me ...... right?

before you can formulate another thought, let alone even look up at jaehyun

you feel a soft hand turn your cheek the opposite away

sicheng’s beautiful features come into full view and you nearly topple backward off the desk

you swear you see him smirk a little at your fumble, but you can’t really be sure if he wasn’t just wearing it the entire time

“ill take care of them”

he puts emphasis on each word. a slight accent slips its way through and you swallow.

take care of me?

“well - are we done here then? they’re going to be packed up and shipped to china and we’ll NEVER see them again!”

haechan spews, crossing his arms over his chest and eliciting a glare from mark

“they’ll come back fine, sicheng i trust you know what you’re doing?”

jaehyun puts a hand on sicheng’s shoulder and out of everyone in the room, he looks most comfortable with the gesture

because doyoung’s eyes narrow and taeyong doesn’t look up from where he’s chipping away at his nails but stops the small action as soon as the temperature shifts

“poor thing, couldn’t you have picked me~ now you’re going to china and i haven’t even gotten a chance-”

johnny sings, swishing around the wine in his cup

you assume he’s just doing it to break the ice blanket that seems to have quilted the room

but then sicheng’s warm hand travels down from your cheek to your wrist

as he gently tugs you up and off the desk

“of course jaehyun, you and your father know how i am.”

sicheng says a string of words in mandarin and you can’t for the life of you even begin to guess what is being discussed

all you can focus on is his skin on yours - you aren’t used to being touched by strangers

well, it’s been much more than just touched hasn’t it?

you sigh to yourself and try just slightly to see if you can wiggle free-

you can’t. sicheng’s hold was soft at first but now it’s like you’re grounded beside him without much of a choice

“you are meticulous, i will give you that. when do you leave for beijing?”

sicheng’s gaze is on you now

he has brown eyes like everyone else in the room, but they don’t look human when they’re only mere centimeters away

they seem to be speckled with foils of gold, as if they’re reflecting light from an unknown source

the power almost leaves you unable to speak and you assume sicheng must be aware of this overwhelming effect he has on people

because once again, the small smirks blossoms and he answers easily

“whenever they’re ready.”

“m-me?”

you feel him squeeze your palm

“shall i drive you home so you can get your bag?”

your hands shake as you reach for your toothbrush - acutely aware of the presence that’s occupying your living room

sicheng had commented, after getting out of the car and opening your side of the door like a gentleman from a movie, that your quaint apartment building was “cute”

he had seemed almost amused by the fact that you still used keys to get in

“you don’t have a keypad?”

“the building is a bit old so ,,,,,,,, “

he had hummed - shadowing after you into your cramped living space

you had invited him to sit down, but he had taken right away to the window

realizing it now as you tried to pack without going into full-blown panic about the situation, that window looked right out onto the street he’d parked

meticulous,,,,,,,, that’s the word jaehyun used to describe him,,,,,,,,,i wonder if that’s a good thing?

your train of thought is cut off when you feel your phone vibrate in your pocket

you thank your past self for putting it on silence and pick it up, trying to mask your whispering with turning on the sink water

a friends voice crackles to life on the other end

“hey, are we still on for lunch tomorrow? i wanna hear all about your new job!”

you want to match their enthusiasm, but with everything that’s transpired - you can barely work it up

“ah- i can’t i -”

you rack your brain for a believable excuse as to why you can’t keep the date - oh my grandma’s sick, oh i have to do overtime even though it’s my second day, oh i accidentally stumbled into the inner business of an illegal ring of criminals who said my life is in danger now!

but another thought dawns on you

couldn’t i just tell my friend im in trouble? couldn’t she call the police for me and then this nightmare would be over?

your pause leaves your friend confused on the other end of the line

sicheng is in the other room, but you could take him on - couldn’t you?

you swallow - a nervous feeling like cold ice flows through your veins and you start

“hey, actually - “

you stop short

won’t she just laugh at me? whose going to believe me - a lowly intern - that the biggest family name in south korea are actually a bunch of criminals?

“actually, i got a little sick. i’ll text you when i can do lunch again, anyway - gotta go!”

you hang up before your friend can even protest. you stare as the screen ends the call and your background photo pops up instead

a knock on the bathroom door nearly makes you jump out of your skin

“all ready?”

“y-yes, im coming out.”

you turn your phone off and place it in your pocket again. you gather your toothbrush and some other necessities

you give sicheng a weak smile as you pass him, not sure if it’s because you’re terrified he might know about the call or if you’re trying to calm yourself too by putting on this act that you’re fine

that you’re not ,,,,,,,,,,,,,, scared

“that’s a light bag. do you have everything you’ll need?”

sicheng’s words come out slow and calculated as he looks at your duffel bag

you nod, slinging it over your shoulder

“we will be in bejing for some time.”

he looks you up and down and again those inhuman eyes seem to eat you up whole

he then says something in mandarin - leaving you staring at him stupified from lack of understanding

but he seems to think you don’t need to know what he’s said as he ushers you back into the car

you watch the cars pass you by on the way to the airport. you try to take in details because you’re worried you’ll never see this country again

who knows what will happen in bejing? but sicheng can keep me safe, right?

suddenly you feel a hand on your shoulder - you look back over and see sicheng is still watching the road ahead

but his large palm is resting on the material of your shirt

“you did a good job.”

“w-what?”

“you lied to your friend, that was the right decision.”

he pulls his hand back and onto the wheel

even though he’d been speaking to you - he hadn’t even bothered to initiate the eye contact

though you don’t know if you could stand it, feeling your face pale because how had he known? had he been listening in on your when you were in the bathroom?

the care turns the bend leading up to the doors of the gates, the switchboard lists numerous asian countries and the destination flights and terminal numbers

laos, thailand, india, indonesia - so many other places than china, than beijing

sicheng swiftly walks in the direction opposite the ticketing booth and you catch up to him only after you’ve noticed how many strides away he is

“shou-shouldn’t we check-in?”

he simply smiles over his shoulder and you don’t know what the feeling coiling up in your stomach means

you clutch the strap of your bag and follow him through the large, unfamiliar airport

don’t we look suspicious together? sicheng is so tall and walks with such refinement - and im carrying this duffel bag ive had since freshman year of highschool,,,,,,,,,,,isn’t someone bound to notice us?

but it doesn’t happen - instead, the security seem rather cordial even friendly toward sicheng

tipping their heads or smiling when he flutters by

is this the jung influence? or is sicheng something of a powerhouse himself?

you’re lost in your thoughts when suddenly a gust of air hits you - the automatic doors at the end of a long hallway you didn’t even notice you were passing through open

and sicheng saunters up to one of the many small, but sleek jets that are parked in a quartered off section of the airstrip

a pilot greets sicheng in mandarin, they begin discussing something as you stand with your eyes wide open

a private JET?

you run your eyes along the white body before reaching one of the wings. spanned over it are chinese characters you’re not familiar with.

“come, it will take maybe two hours.”

sicheng steps back as the ladder extend from the jet’s one entranceway

the pilot and he wait as you make your way up the stairs - legs barely holding you up from the utter shock

the jet is just like you imagine it to be - everything is so unnecessarily fancy

and you sit stiffly in the oversize chair - eyes wavering on the flatscreen tv that hangs above the partition to the pilots cabinet

sicheng follows after, patting your shoulder again

“relax”

he says - or commands - it’s all a blur and you close your eyes softly and to yourself begging that this is all a dream - it has to be ,,,,,,,,,, it just has to be

when you land in beijing it’s already early dawn - you’re exhausted to no end, even though you think you took a nap on the plane

either that or spent the whole time sweating about how this was really happening - really, really happening

from waking up this morning, going to your first day on the job, spotting mark and jungwoo, ending up in the basement of jung enterprises, packing your bag

and now here

with sicheng

in beijing

sicheng doesn’t seem phased at all, he looks like this is another day on the clock for him as he takes your duffel bag off your tired shoulders and heads off the jet with a nod toward the pilot

“it’s ok i can carry-”

“your eyes are tired. you need sleep.”

well,,,,,,he’s not wrong but -

“are we going to your house?”

it’s probably the most childish thing you could ask right about now, but sicheng doesn’t seem to mind

he simply shakes his head

your exhaustion makes it hard for you to be as scared and as nervous as you were before. the panic you’d felt had drained you

so even though your mind was blaring alarms, you followed behind him like a puppy

what else could you do? he was the only person you had in this new place

as you two walk out through the airport, you’re surprised to see the beijing is still bustling even though it’s so early

the clock on the switchboard glares that it’s about 5 in the morning, but business people and travelers are already making the rounds

sicheng glides through them with ease, but unlike before - he keeps his head down

sort of using your duffel bag to shield the view of his profile

you scamper to keep up with his long legs, and finally, you end outside again

sicheng brings his phone out and makes a call, and nearly a minute later a motorcycle pulls up before you two

sicheng drops the duffel bag back in your arms

“yukhei. take care of them.”

“why aren’t you speaking man- oh oh i see~”

the rider takes off the matte black helmet to reveal a handsome, young face underneath

“im yukhei!”

he introduces - but sicheng just pushes you gently forward and clicks his tongue at yukhei

“go. they are tired.”

yukhei huffs but beckons you closer. you turn to sicheng and open your mouth as if to say “are you insane? im not getting on the back of some random dude’s bike!”

but sicheng’s eyes swirl a little colder and you decide to keep your queries to yourself

plus,,,,,,,,,,,yukhei seems nice? he doesn’t have a,,,,,,taeyong or a jaehyun vibe,,,,,,,,,,

“you will see me again, don’t worry.”

“oh sicheng - look at you being all caring, wait till hendery hears about this!”

yukhei teases and you give an understanding nod as you back up toward yukhei

he grabs your duffel bag, slinging it over himself and confidently tells you to get on and cling to him as hard as you can

sicheng rolls his eyes before he’s gone back into the crowd of the airport

what’s going on? i thought he was going to “take care” of me?

you assume yukhei’s going to take you to his home - or to someones home - not to the ritzy hotel lobby you stop in front of

decorated in old decdeance and gold

“um -”

yukhei waves to the desk girls who all giggle into their palm and then tugs you up behind him

for some reason, even though you can’t understand it, their whispers smell like jealousy and your cheeks start to burn

he brings you up to the 9th floor and there’s a room with the same chinese characters that were on the jet

you take the moment to ask yukhei, “does this say jung enterprises?”

he laughs, “no - they say dong sicheng!”

you blink back confusion, but then he’s pulling you into the grandiose suite and pointing out that the bedroom is down that hall - that sicheng said you were tired and it’d do good to get some rest

“where did sicheng go?”

yukhei shrugs

“probably to deal with his parents, anyway ill be here! so you’ll be safe - that’s a wong man’s promise!”

you nod - turning on your heel to go toward the room but stopping to ask one more question

“is sicheng,,,,,,,, famous here?”

yukhei almost doubles over with laughter because he genuinely thinks you’re joking

but when the blank look on your face doesn’t change he straightens up

“well, yeah - he’s the only son of the dong family. they’re basically chinese royalty.”

you hit the hotel pillows and for a second you think your body is melting into the sheets

you had wanted to pry yukhei more about sicheng - but the weight of the world had pushed you right into bed

you curl up and try to remind yourself to ask later, later - after a little nap

you think it’s part of your dream, the insistent shaking and the screaming, you think it’s just a bad dream cultivated from the rollercoaster of emotions you’ve been on today

but then you wince - because the yell is loud and gruff and the hand on you is cold to the touch

with a gasp, you wake up and see yourself staring up at a man

he’s unfamiliar, with a gun pointed directly at you

he’s telling you to do something in mandarin but you have no idea what and you pull away, eyes big and frightened

you can tell he’s getting frustrated, he leans over to grab at your ankle and harshly pull you off the bed

when a hand wraps its way around his neck and turns it to the side with a loud and perfect crack

the gun that had been in his hand goes falling onto the sheets and you scream

sicheng is standing behind the crumpled over body and he reaches toward you

afraid you coil up, threatened and shaking, but he soothes in his slow voice

“i won’t hurt you, i need you to trust me.”

you want to scream again - trust him? trust him? everything is ruined because of him and whatever stupid fucking scheme you got caught up in

but you know you can’t - whatever is happening is wrong - and when you feel him pull you toward him, it’s like your instincts are telling you this is the safest place right now

beside sicheng

you hear his name being called from the next room, you think the voice is yukhei

there’s another voice - maybe two or three and as sicheng leads you back into the suite’s main hall you see that there are multiple of these masked men

all restrained on the ground with rope - or being held back by who you can only assume are sicheng’s accomplices

“kun - are there anymore?”

“no, this should be all of them.”

the exchanges are quick and in mandarin - you can’t understand and you desperately bunch up the fabric of sicheng’s shirt as your knuckles go white from clinging to him

his broad back keeps you nearly out of sight from everyone when you feel it -

something swats at you - in an upwards motion - it almost knicks you

but sicheng’s reaction is fast and he spins you both so that you end up in his position and he ends up in yours

the small pocket knife cuts the left side of his cheek and the blood streaks down onto his chin

not even taking note of it - sicheng reaches out - hand on the face of the assailant as he tugs him down by the hair and delivers a strong knee to their face

they tumble backward - and you realize it was another one of those men

they’d been aiming for your back with that knife and instead - sicheng had taken the blow

you look up and sicheng barks something out - but you aren’t even mentally in the room in anymore

instead you’re looking up at him, his beautiful skin is stained with the red from the gash

you want to ask first if he’s ok - if he needs a bandage, but that’s ridiculous the answer is: of course he needs one

but the second question stays with you for a long time - why? why are you protecting me? wouldn’t it be easier if i get hurt and then you and the jungs don’t have to worry about me anymore?

either way - when you come to - you see that those men are gone and instead

you’re sitting on the coach beside sicheng and yukhei and a group of other men

“sicheng - seriously, why would you volunteer to take them here? you’re already a target yourself - isn’t this just doubling the risk?”

“isn’t it obvious kun - look how cute they are!”

“oh my god hendery is THAT the only thing that ever crosses your mind?”

“im just saying, isn’t that the reason sicheng - huh? huh?”

you can’t catch what’s being said - but suddenly the eyes are all on you

sicheng’s cheek has been cleaned up and patched - he explains that you don’t understand mandarin all that well and the mood in the air shifts

“that’s fine! ill use english - im hendery, and the rest of these idiots are not important! soooooooooo tell us, how’d you woo sicheng?”

someone makes a sound of disdain and you look in the direction away from hendery, this person is sitting up straight - posture absolutely immaculate and glasses perched on the end of his nose

his arms are crossed and he looks defensive

“that’s kun! he absolutely suuuuuuuuuuuuucks!”

hendery sings and falls back against the shoulder of another boy who shoves him off

kun directs his eyes onto you and then narrows them

“so - you’re sichengs new plaything?”

“kun.”

sicheng starts and kun doesn’t glance his way

“what? am i wrong?”

the tone of voice is condescending and judgmental - he doesn’t even know you and yet he’s saying something so rude?

“who cares, sicheng - did you tell your parents your back? chances are they sent those goons after you.”

“hendery ,,,,,,,, why would his own parents try to have him murdered?”

the boy throws his hands up in exclaim

“i don’t know? for the drama! they’re entertainment moguls - imagine the press stories!”

you sit up a little at the new fact - so sicheng’s parents are in the entertainment business? what’s he doing working for the jungs?

“no, they don’t know. but right now, i need to ask you guys to help me.”

“is something wrong?”

your voice is shaking as you ask, but sicheng gives you a soothing smile - it’s not very much effective with that huge gash on his cheek though

“no. i just thought our entrance to beijing would be safer. kun and yukhei - will you keep them company while i clean up this mess?”

kun is about to say: absolutely not

but yukhei jumps up and winks

“of course - you just be careful ok sicheng!”

sicheng turns to you and tells you he’ll be back soon.

that’s a lie.

he vanishes for over a week and during that week you end up being moved into the almost dubiously normal apartment where kun lives

on the outside, it looks normal - middle class

it’s nice, but not fancy. the neighbors are all either hardworking youths or families

kun is known to them as a graduate student with an interest in tech

but the reality is, it’s a money-laundering den set up under the jungs

when you’re first dropped off there by yukhei - kun refuses to acknowledge your existence

he sits behind his computer - wiring checks through different banks and forging signatures

another side business you figure out from your hours of observing is money fraud

kun spends great time looking at foreign bills and reproducing them to perfection

one day you lean over and look at the sample bill he’s made

pointing out the serial number on the left

“you can’t keep it this way.”

you point out and kun tosses a look at you over his shoulder

“excuse me?”

“there would never be a chain of numbers starting with this - it’s a misplaced pattern and tellers will now it’s fake.”

“how do you-”

you shrug, “i went to poland when i was younger and i just remember this detail.”

you turn the bill around and then pass it back to kun

he stares at you - once disinterested and even angry expression turned rather intrigued

“are you usually interested in details?”

you sit down beside him and look at his screen, it’s in another language - polish you presume - so you don’t get any of it

but you nod

“details always make sense - people in my program back in university would say im a perfectionist, but i just don’t want to make-”

“mistakes?”

kun finishes your sentence, pushing his glasses back up by the frame and you nod

“yes. this is why all of this is so nerve-wracking. it’s too bizarre. the details don’t add up.”

kun snorts, “details usually aren’t supposed to add up in this business. otherwise, the wrong people will come looking for you.”

“you mean like the police”

kun gives you an almost sympathetic side glance - although he can’t blame you, you’re not used to this - sicheng made it worse by bringing you here as a part of some stupid deal with the jungs

and then sort of tossed you into the corners

“here, let’s see how detailed you are.”

kun shuffles through a pile of folders and places them in front of you

“they’re various fakes i’ve made before - it’s really wasting time but if you can find the problems it should keep you entertained for a while?”

you smile, taking the folder and for the first time there’s almost a little bit of warmth coming from kun

even when yukhei swings by with lunch - he seems peppy about the change in the “temperature” of the room

the days get a little better as you wait around for sicheng to come back

kun is actually quite,,,,,,, tolerable of you,,,,,,,,and he’s impressed that you didn’t lie

you pick out some of his fault bills and he seems to respect you a little more for the way you carefully handle the nonsense, but welcome tasks he gives you

one afternoon, yukhei is back with lunch - this time with hendery in tow

“hey if you’re bored you can come take a ride with me-”

he starts to ask, slurping up his noodles before receiving a whack on the head from kun

“taking them out would be dangerous yukhei, think before you speak.”

“OW! I BURNED MY TONGUE KUN!”

you look down into the broth and sigh

“is kun being super mean to you still?”

hendery whispers when he hears you - but you shake your head

“i just wonder,,,,,,where is sicheng anyway?”

hendery sits back up and shrugs

“if you wanna see him so bad - we can make it happen. hey kun, can i turn on the tv?”

your eyebrows furrow

“why? did something happen - was it on the news?”

you get up, almost spilling your noodles - your look of alarm only humors the two boys as they reassure that’s not it

when hendery fishes the control out from one of the bookshelves he clicks through the static and the channels before settling on one

you stare at the screen - it looks like a movie? or maybe a drama?

the setting reminds you of your university, the library, the students and then -

“s-sicheng?!”

you lean forward and your jaw nearly drops because sicheng pops up on the screen

his lines are all in mandarin and he’s being pulled around by what is probably his love interest in the drama

but that’s not why you’re in disbelief

not only does he work for the jungs - he’s ,,,,,,,,,,,, he’s an actor?!?!

“he’s super popular here too - his face is on like every brand of ice-cream.”

hendery chimes in and you want to ask something when kun marches back in - shutting the tv off

“they didn’t have to know that”

he hisses and yukhei rolls his eyes, “if they’re going to be here for six months - they’re bound to find out!”

hendery nods in agreement

“the dong family are all famous actors, but they also own a number of the big fine arts theaters in mainland china. sicheng acts, but he’s probably going to take over one of the departments soon.”

“h-how if he works for the jungs?”

yukhei taps his chin and hendery shifts sort of uncomfortably like there’s some kind of truth that everyone knows except you

you want to call it out, but suddenly the door clicks open and sicheng comes in

he’s wearing all black, hair stylishly done up and he slips the mask off his face as he greets you with a gleaming smile

“see, i said i would be back.”

you don’t have to ask him where he’s been or what he’s doing anymore - you’ve sort of pieced it all together

he comes closer and closer until he’s putting a hand on your head and giving it a little pat

“sicheng you can’t just pet someone like they’re a -”

kun starts, but you don’t hear the rest

is this what jaehyun meant - meticulous? organized? so well - that he could live a double life as a beloved actor in china and a criminal in south korea?

the stars in your eyes are apparent to everyone in the room, kun tenses up, but sicheng is used to it

he turns after “greeting” you and asks kun how the transfers are coming along

hendery and yukhei snicker and venture into the kitchen

you’re not sure how embarrassed you’re supposed to feel - but you are sure that something on your skin feels a little hot

sicheng sticks around, he even moves you back out of kun’s apartment front and into a nearby hotel

less fancy than the other one and this time, he requests that the back entrance be available for him to come and go

one evening you’re sitting beside him as he finishes a call with jaehyun and you ask the itching question on your mind

“why did you join the jungs if you’re so successful here in china?”

his mouth twitches up a little

“ah - so you found out?”

“that you’re the son of famous actors and are on every makeup brand ad in beijing? yes - i found out.”

he laughs

“you’re being sarcastic - right?”

you blush, you don’t know why, and look down at your feet

“well - i don’t know. i joined because i was bored?”

“b-bored?”

he leans back against the sofa and looks up at the ceiling

the angle highlights the strength of his jaw and glistening of his skin, the scar on his cheek is healing and even it can’t take away from his beauty

“yes. being famous isn’t all it’s cut out to be.”

he grins

“don’t i sound selfish?”

you shift

“were those men who broke into the hotel, were they after you - or after,,,,,me?”

“oh, they were after me. i havent been in beijing for over a year. my parents put out a reward if i was found.”

“a year? then that drama hendery showed me -”

he tilts his head your way and his gaze alone makes you feel a shiver in your spine

“was it where i played a university student?”

“yes”

“ah - it was a rerun. i shot it two or three years back.”

“and it’s still on air?!”

he humbles himself with a shoulder shrug, “maybe it’s that popular?”

part of the way he talks so languidly about all of this irritates you - but the other part of you can’t help but be mesmerized

what kind of person finds boredom in a life born into stardom? what kind of person doesn’t pick up a hobby to help it - like video games or crocheting

instead choosing to be the overseas link for a gigantic company like jung enterprises

so many questions fill your head, more than when you were basically forced to come here in fear of your life

sicheng grins and says something carefully - as if he’s cautious about the right words

“i can hear it. the gears in your head turning. you are curious, right?”

you try to shake your head, but it has to be obvious - sicheng’s read you like an open book since you made eye contact back in the basement of the jungs

“it’s just ,,,,,,,, a lot.”

he suddenly leans in close - pretty face mere inches from yours

“i know what can take your mind off of it.”

the thoughts that had clouded your brain seize - everything in your body seems to come to a screeching halt

he’d always had this power of overwhelming you, but now he was - he was tipping over that border

“sich-”

you can’t even say his name, not when he’s looking at you like that and talking to you in that voice

what does he mean? what does he have in mind? is it what im thinking-

the moment where he’d saved you from the attacker in the hotel room seeps back into you

the feel of you pressed into his back - the fact that it didn’t make sense for him to protect you like he did, to take the pain for you

he’d known you for less than 48 hours and he’d done that - what were his motives? it didn’t make sense

and on top of that, he was china’s it boy - he really - he would never put the moves on,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,you?

sicheng laughs because it looks like steam might come out of your ears

he takes your hand in yours and goes

“i was suggesting i take you out to see beijing, so you can stop having all these questions and see the beauty of the city.”

something inside you pops with relief, but another part - deeper away - deflates

exactly. he’s an it boy, a dream boy, so you need to stop thinking that stupid little act of kindness meant anything. especially not in the grand scheme of things.

you chuckle, as a way to push past your nervousness and nod

“s-sure”

you inch a little bit away from him and sicheng thinks it’s amusing

“but - are you sure you can just gon on the street? won’t you be,,,,,,, mobbed?”

sicheng fishes a black facemask from his pocket - “hiding in plain sight?”

you don’t know why your stomach does a little flip like you’re on some first date back home, but it does

as sicheng tugs you through the busy streets and you can tell that no one really looks twice at him - not with the mask and the baseball cap

and you’re inconspicuous in general, blending in among the talkative tourists and rushing native trying to get to and from all the places sicheng wishes he could show you

you can’t see all of beijing in two hours - and sicheng is definitely trying to play it safe - so he takes you wangfujing, buying up snacks and pointing out the crafts and decorations the hang between the malls

you spot his face on advertisements left and right - kind of thrilled by the act that no one even knows that their favorite actor is pulling you behind them right under their noses

sicheng explains that his parents own a theater nearby, that if he could he’d love to show you some of the productions they put on

and you ask in the busy, loud street if sicheng likes acting on stage or on the screen the most

he astonishes you once again when he picks neither

he takes your hand and twirls you around, much to the utter annoyance of some older women

and pulls you in close

“i like dancing the most.”

the whole experience feels like a fever dream of some sort - from the moment you two sneak out the back door of the hotel

to when you’re back and standing in front of the bed holding a panda sicheng had bartered to buy you

it says beijing loves you in bold letters on the tshirt it’s wearing and you don’t know why but you hold it close to your chest

beijing doesn’t love you - it doesn’t even want you to be here - and you wish you were home, feeling the lack of familiarity starting to grow

but something warm lingers, from where sichengs hands passed the bear onto you

and your tears dry up on your cheeks and you think - it’s fine, it’s only six months

sicheng explains the next day that he needs to be gone for a bit, just to do some small parts in order to please his parents and keep off the radar of anyone looking for the jungs here in china

he leaves you in kun’s care - and after time has gone by, you can tell kun has warmed up to you

actually letting you do tasks that would help him - and even offering to cook you lunch one afternoon

the only thing that seems to irk him as much as when you two first met is the mention of sicheng

but it’s not like you can help it - there’s so much you don’t know

you set the pile of highlighted documents down near kun

“you’re done?”

“yep, i checked them over twice - you don’t have to ask.”

you laugh and kun even seems to give you a twinkle of a smile in return

you shift a little, looking around the room

“do you know if sicheng is shooting another drama?”

kun’s fingers stop typing and he looks at you for a second

the coldness is back in the dark brown of his eyes and he clears his throat

“you need to be careful.”

“what?”

kun looks back at this screen and then at you, taking the time to slip his glasses down on the file you’ve put before him

“don’t fall in love with sicheng, everyone always does it and everyone always ends up the same.”

“the same?”

kun clenches his teeth

“do i have to spell it out for you? they end up heartbroken and feeling like an idiot.”

you don’t understand the spite, aren’t he and sicheng friends?

“i -”

“there are other men in the world. men that don’t live double lives, running around eating up the spotlight. don’t get me wrong, i respect sicheng. he works hard to make everyone happy. but he isn’t - “

kun searches for the word as you stand there feeling more and more pathetic by the second

“but he isn’t reliable. you should know that, with the way he comes and goes.”

you think, well you know, kun is right.

to be honest - you don’t think you’re in love with sicheng - how could you be? you’ve only known him for a bit over a month.

although you think it’s strange, that the moment he saved you replays in your mind more than the moment when you woke up in the jung’s basement

more than when you met all of sicheng’s friends

or even more then when you got to run around beijing with him for a little while

you go to sleep now, every night thinking back to it, thinking back to the image of him standing between you and danger

blood dripping down his cheek - not a seconds of hesitation when it came to protecting you

with kun’s logic, he’s right - sicheng probably did it because of some impulse or even worse - because he wanted to be a hero

he’s an actor after all, the limelight is a specialty, but you can’t help but buck against the ideas

it had felt like sicheng did it because he didn’t want you to be the one hurt

was it because jaehyun would get on his case? but why - having you gone eliminates the problem

was it because he’d look cool in front of his friends? his friends didn’t even know you, and kun didn’t even seem to want to know you back then

so why? why? why?

you don’t look at kun - you just sort of nod and ask if there’s anything else you can do

kun waves you off, but an hour or so seems to feel slightly bad for blowing up on you

offering that you two go out and buy some groceries for a nicer dinner than instant ramen or fastfood that yukhei could bring back on his bike

you agree, mostly because you don’t want to revert back to the awkward and hateful atmosphere that you’d first had to stew in when you met each other

and to your relief, neither does kun

you guys talk naturally - even confusing the cashier who kun shyly explains to you called you his significant other on accident

you laugh it off and are too busy rummaging through the bags to see the way kun’s eyes linger on you

as you’re walking back to the apartment - kun stops under on of the streetlights

you turn back and ask what’s wrong

“i want to ask you again, well i didn’t ask the first time - i just made the assumption, but are you in love with sicheng?”

you feel your hands sort of twitch in response - you thought that conversation had been buried away

“i-”

you start, wanting to explain to kun where you are right now - what you’re thinking

hendery, xiaojun, yukhei - they were always kind to you. but kun had spent the most time with you and you were getting to a point where you thought you could see him as a sort of confident about all this

you obviously didn’t want to worry sicheng with your doubts (or your emotions)

so telling kun might actually make it better

“kun, i just i think i-”

the sound of tires reveing against the street cuts your sentence off

you both turn to see yukhei’s familiar motorcycle and he waves as he pulls up onto the curb

tugging off the helmet he greets you two with his usually goofy smile and points to the grocery bags

“is mama kun making something good tonight? can i join?”

you giggle and kun rolls his eyes, but invites him anyway

the weird moment and the weird question kun had asked melt away, at least they do for you

as you listen to yukhei excitedly explain one of the new upgrades on his bike

kun slinks a little behind. he wonders what you were going to say.

for a while everything seems to be “normal”

normal meaning no one attacks you in the hotel room or comes raiding kun’s apartment

you think surviving this isn’t going to be that hard - not the horrible nightmare you had thought it was when you were getting on the jet to fly over here

when sicheng is around, he’s always got a way of keeping your attention. you usually don’t focus on anything but the work kun gives you

but when sicheng is there - you kind of feel like another fan watching one of his dramas - he’s just ,,,,,, he’s like living artwork

and you know he knows you peek - because sometimes he’ll look back at you and wink

the mindless flirting sort of makes you feel sprinkles of joy, but you try to level it out with what kun had said

maybe you are another “plaything” - something sicheng thought he could keep around for when he’s bored

but he’s otherwise,,,,, respectful,,,,he never crosses a boundary or does something that might make you feel like a toy - or like less of a person

if anything, he’s done more to keep you safe and happy

when he isn’t around though - you help kun out with small tasks which you say aren’t really criminal right?

most of the money, according to kun and sicheng, is just from “sales” the jungs makes

you don’t ask - they don’t tell and plus you’d rather do these tasks than sit around being useless

you’re scared that’ll make kun hate you again

hendery will sometimes come over and make you laugh, yukhei keeps pestering about that ride on his bike that kun refues him from giving you and xiaojun - though reserved - tries to make you feel comfortable too

you think it’s crazy, such sweet boys work for the jungs - but for some unknown reason they don’t mention it

and they never help kun or sicheng with this work? actually you’re not sure - do they also work for the jungs? do they work for sicheng’s parents?

still many questions - but it somehow feels like you’ve fallen into an ok groove

one call from jaehyun ruins all of that

sicheng had been around, making you feel giddy and safe for the past few days

you, him, and kun had been working on printing money for an upcoming trip doyoung was going to take under the guise of a “marketing meeting”

when the phone had wrung and the color had seemed to drain out of sicheng’s face

you didn’t know why, but you gut said it had something to do with you - and you were right

immediately after hanging up, sicheng had called out your name

“get up, we have to leave. now.”

instead of scrambling to your feet first - kun beat you, grabbing sicheng by the arm

“what’s happening? where are you taking them?”

sicheng shrugs him off

“don’t be concerned. make sure yukhei knows im taking his bike.”

panic starts to make your mind go fuzzy, the room spins as sicheng starts collecting your things

“the hotel has my -”

“no time, let’s go. i need to get you to safety. it’s part of the deal.”

the deal?

you follow after him, as confused and scared as the first time he’d lead you into this unknown place

but this time kun takes a hold of your wrist and tugs you back toward him

sicheng turns on his heel at the sound of your back hitting kun’s chest

“tell me where you’re taking them sicheng, im not joking.”

“kun let them go.”

“tell me.”

the hold tightens and you stare up at kun - something is different about him, he could be cold and unagreeable but this was just downright,,,,,,,,,,, frightening

“im sick of it, what was the point of bringing them here in the first place? did you get tired of playing around with the stars - wanted to ruin someone innocent?”

sicheng’s eyes overcast

“kun - what are you accusing me of?”

“they’re a person, sicheng. a person whose life you put in danger by getting them involved with you - with us - with the fucking psychopath jungs. don’t you remember what they’re doing to ten and yangyang?

two names you’ve never heard of pop up and you want to ask what the hell is going on

but then the two of them switch into fast paced mandarin and you’re stuck in an absolute limbo

“of course i remember, that’s why i started this. i thought it would help ten and yangyang.”

“and what about now? what about taking them out and frolicking about the city like you aren’t famous? like your parents wouldn’t blow a lid on you and this whole thing if they found you out on a date with someone they’ve never met before?”

“kun, it’s my life. i can do wh-”

“it’s THEIR life too sicheng - people are not toys! stop treating them like they are!”

sicheng’s hand suddenly wraps around your other wrist

“they aren’t a toy to me. you wouldn’t understand.”

“tell me sicheng, sicheng who was born with a goddamn gold spoon in his mouth - what wouldn’t i understand? the way you take people and use them up?”

sicheng jerks you, and out of fear of hurting you, kun lets you go

you fall back against sicheng’s side

“they’re just like me kun. they ended up in a situation they didn’t want to be in. they were scared and couldn’t tell anyone. it’s simple, i saw myself in them and want to keep them safe.”

“you? keep someone safe - sicheng you’re more selfish -”

sicheng leans forward, you look up into his eyes and he ignores kun as he presses his lips tenderly to yours

he pulls away - your body frozen over as he locks eyes with kun again

“i can be selfish, just like you’ll always think i am, and that’s why im taking them right now. somewhere safe.”

he turns and you barely follow behind - knees shaking

kun commands sicheng to turn around and explain, but sicheng shakes his head

“you can’t think straight right now, it’s the jealousy talking - you won’t hear me out.”

you are still trying to process what the hell happened as sicheng throws a leg over yukhei’s motorcycle

he beckons you over and before he slips the helmet over your head - you ask him, words barely audible

“wh-why did you kiss me?”

he gives you a small smile - but it’s not the one you’re so used to seeing

so used to being struck by

it’s almost,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,sad

“because i might not get the chance to ever again.”

he turns on the engine and motions for you to hop on

you do, because you trust him, wrapping your arms tight around his waist

sicheng speeds off into the streets at a pace even yukhei hasn’t gone at

you suddenly wish he’d have worn the helmet instead - but you somehow know he wouldn’t have allowed that

you think you might be suffocating sicheng with how hard you’re clinging onto him - just like that time in the hotel ambush

you don’t know where he’s taking you or what’s going on - you don’t know anything and yet what scares you the most is what he’d said

why won’t i ever see you again? is it because you’ll die? or because i’ll die? is there trouble? i just want you to tell me you’ll keep me safe again,,,,

to motorcycle pulls up to the gates of a large open field - in the field you see the jet that brought you to beijing

in front of it is the pilot - who doesn’t waste time getting the stairs down from the opening of the jet

sicheng gets off the bike first, helping you right after and slipping the helmet off your head

gently he fixes the strands of your hair that have gotten all messy and you talk a mile a minute

“sicheng what’s going on? why was kun so angry? and why do i have to lea-”

“one question.”

he goes

“ask me one question, and then you must leave.”

you swallow - your throat is dry and you stare into his beautiful eyes - those golden specks rotate hypnotizingly around his pupil

why did you kiss me?

why were you and kun fighting?

where am i going?

what happened?

“why,,,,,,,,did you save me on my first day in beijing - wouldn’t it have been easier for me to,,,,,,,to have just been hurt?”

he smiles, tilting his head a little as he keeps his eyes locked on yours

“because i said i would keep you safe. that’s a silly question.”

“but you didn’t have to - you didn’t have to - no one is forcing you to keep that stupid promise to jaehyun,,,,,,”

he runs a hand down your cheek

“it’s complicated. but ill tell you something. even if it really didn’t matter, even if i had just met you. i still would have protected you.”

he leans in and once again you think he’s going to kiss your lips - leave you frozen and unable to think for yourself

but he doesn’t kiss your lips - he kisses your forehead and mutters

“because we’re the same.”

the words are cryptic - you can’t ask what he means because the pilot is gently pulling you toward him instead - toward the jet

when you get on - you rush to open the window and see as sicheng gets back on the bike

he looks over his shoulder and it makes your heart stop for a second in your chest

before he’s gone

the plane flys you back to korea, where mark and johnny pick you up from the airport

you ask them what’s the issue and mark explains that a criminal rival of the jungs in china had been suspicious of sicheng for a while

that one of his informants had caught a glance of you and sicheng on the street - confirming the suspicion that he’d been working for the jungs

“technically we asked sicheng to come back with you - so we could protect him too, but looks like he said he’d take care of it himself.”

“so,,,,,,,,so it’s my fault,,,,,,”

you whisper and johnny tries to play it off - “of course not! it’s not your fault - plus jaehyun trusts sicheng can handle himself! now c’mon, how can we turn that frown upside down?”

you look out of the window of the car - lost in thoughts, and mark taps johnny on the shoulder - motioning to leave you alone for right now

a couple of days pass and you’re allowed back in your apartment - of course a member of jaehyun’s team is always there to keep an eye on you

you don’t really know what to do but wait and see if someone - anyone - will give you an update

did that person see me and sicheng when we went out together? was it when we landed? if i had never chosen him and went to beijing then he wouldn’t have gotten in this trouble!

it’s when the door opens and instead of haechan or jungwoo, yukhei comes in and mark springs up in confusion

he pulls his gun - “who are you?!”

“yukhei!”

mark turns to you, “we said not to tell your friends-”

“hey hey, what’s the problem little dude - im with sicheng!”

mark blinks “you’re with sicheng?”

from behind yukhei steps out just the man of the hour

you notice a cast wrapped around his arm, but other than that he’s relatively unharmed

you rush toward him - nearly tackling him

“are you ok? im so sorry - if it wasn’t for you having to take me with you back to beijinig-”

sicheng puts the other hand on your cheek and gives it a little squish

“shh. im fine. aren’t you happy to see me?”

mark look between the two of you, bewildered and yukhei elbows him in the side as if they’ve been friends for years

you bury your head in sicheng’s chest and he laughs, gently running the fingers from your cheek into your hair

“let’s go dude - they need their space!”

yukhei exclaims, pulling mark after him and through the small door to your apartment

mark protests, but yukhei overpowers him easily and suddenly it’s just you and sicheng

you think you’re going to start crying - from the happiness and the confusion

“why didn’t you just come back with me? why did you stay?”

sicheng waves the cast around

“i wanted to personally deal with the problem.”

“why?”

“because that bastard threatened to kill you and sicheng actually went crazy on him.”

you look back at the door - where kun is leaning against the frame

“kun! you’re ok!”

you jump to your feet and kun kind of half smirks at the sound of worry in your voice

you don’t see sicheng roll his eyes behind your back, but kun doesn’t step closer

he looks at sicheng and on purpose tells him in mandarin

“i believe you for now, but if you end up tossing them to the side like everyone else - just know ill be waiting. and i won’t forgive you.”

“thanks, but that’s not in the plan.”

you huff

“can you guys please speak so i can understand - you two were in dire danger and the last time you did this you almost killed each other so please, im begging, don’t spike my anxiety through the roof.”

kun lets out a sound, sort of grumbling as he turns to follow after yukhei and mark

you look and see sicheng has stood up

“i now have time to answer any other questions.”

he laces his fingers with yours and you think - where should i start?

“why did you kiss me?”

“wanted to.”

“why did you kiss me in front of kun?”

sicheng grins, “to teach him a little lesson”

“why?”

sicheng shrugs, “just so he knows, that i like you.”

“why do you like me?”

“why - do you not like me?”

you scrunch up your nose and sicheng laughs again -

“fine, it’s because of what i said - you are a lot like me. we’re the same.”

“how?”

you don’t understand - you’re a uni student with an otherwise boring as hell life

how could you and dong sicheng - an actor, a boy born into richness with this starvation for adventure - be even remotely similar

“because even when you were thrown into all this. even when you were scared - you did it.”

“but - how does that make us the same?”

he leans in and suddenly his forehead is pressed to yours

“because i got thrown into this too.”

“i-i- i thought you joined because you were bored!”

he shakes his head, “there are other reasons. one day we’ll talk about them. for now, do you want to go back to beijing with me?”

your stomach twists

“it won’t be safe for you-”

“it will be. it will be safer there than here. plus, kun told me you are quite good with details.......the word jaehyun uses-”

“meticulous?”

“yes. meticulous. what do you think?”

you would agree - you think you are pretty meticulous yourself, but instead of saying anything or asking any of the million questions you still have you hug him again

because sicheng had said before that he’d be afraid he’d only get one chance to kiss you again

and you just are scared of thinking that that could have been the reality of this situation

“ah, xiaojun brought this back by the way.”

sicheng pulls the panda he bought you at the beijing markets and drops it in your hands - you stare at it

the shirt on the panda had said ‘beijing loves you’ before - but, in what you presume is xiaojun’s handwirting, there’s a post it over beijing it says ‘sicheng’

you giggle - but then look up at him

he tkaes the post it off and taps the panda’s head

“so - do you want to come back with me? or do you want to switch and pick someone else?’

“that’s a silly question.”

you copy him and tip toe up to press your lips to his own

he grins against your lips and then goes, “we’re going to have to convince jaehyun though - he was a bit mad about this situation.”

“that’s fine - doesn’t he trust you.”

sicheng nods, looking deep into your eyes

“he does. but i hope he knows that if anything, just say the word and ill always pick you over my allegiance to him.”

you can’t believe what he’s said - you just look at him and see something in those words

“sicheng?”

“yes”

“i don’t know what jaehyun has over you - or how he forced you to work for him - but let’s get it back and let’s make sure you never have to see the jungs again.”

something sparkles in his eyes and he nods, slow and quiet

when you guys rejoin everyone outside, mark is too distracted with yukhei to notice the change in your expression

hendery and xiaojun who are also waiting realize it, yukhei does too when he looks over his shoulder. kun smirks to himself. finally

with your help

they’re all going to get back at the jungs.

spoiler: to know why sicheng joined the jungs - read ten’s special route!

#ok .............ok ................i want feedback on this please i expanded so much energy on it please tell me i cried writing it #i love sicheng so much #also it interlocks with ten's story so please read to understand the ending #regular au #blood/#violence/#sicheng scenarios #winwin scenarios #nct scenarios #wayv scenarios #member: winwin #passes out #winwin #sicheng

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leavaloo · 4 years

Text

Applin To Give and to Kick Ass

Hi guys! As most of you know, I’ve been extremely busy lately and also dealing with some shit on the side, so I wasn’t able to write anything for Valentines Day! I know, such a crime that an imagines blog didn’t post on V-Day. It’s okay! I’ll make it up to you here~

As a further notice, I will be deleting most of my inbox requests, as a lot of them have been sitting for a while. I apologize to those who are left, but this is needed.

Anyways, have some Raihan V-Day fluff!

Raihan knew a lot about dragons. Like, a lot. Dragon expert to the core, so much so that he ended up taking on some of their draconic qualities. Like protectiveness, jealousy, and every once in a while, a growl. Raihan also knew a lot about the Applin tales, as per his title as dragon expert and the vault keeper. Yet for some reason, he didn’t think that they would play a part in his life, until now.

Applins were fairly common in Galar as a declaration of love, and because of his titles, he had been asked so many times of where to find them, how to breed the right one, yadda yadda. Even some gym leaders like Nessa had asked his advice on this topic. And now, with Valentines day coming up, it was all the rage.

You had been champion for some time now, and already you were proving to be both formidable, dependable, and breathtaking. You didn’t use the typical cape that Leon wore, and instead, made your own outfit that made it look like you were dancing whenever a particularly powerful move whipped your dress around. Honestly, you treated a lot of your matches like a contest, and it had garnered you a lot of attention, and possible suitors.

That’s why Raihan never felt like he had a chance. You were beautiful! Even a lot of the other gym leaders had been talking about you, some of them wondering if you were single. That was when Raihan figured out how jealous he was. He all but snapped at Milo when directed a question about it at him, but he played it off that he was just stressed recently and apologized.

A day before Valentines day, you waltzed into his gym. He wasn’t expecting it, and he was honestly caught off guard. Even in your casual attire, you were striking. You were asking for some documents, and so Raihan lead you back to his office, and all the while, he had a difficult time even looking in your direction.

“Working right before Valentines day? I would’ve thought you’d wanna lay low.” He finally sent one of his signature smiles your way, trying to lighten the heaviness in his heart.

You chuckled and smiled back. “Honestly, me moving about makes it harder for the fanboys to track me. I don’t need anymore applin in my boxes, which might be entirely your fault.”

Raihan sheepishly laughed and rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeaaah... sorry about that.” He remembered the onslaught of guys who had sought him out in the previous weeks, all asking for applin advice.

“Though, I guess it gave me some good applins to get my own ideal one.”

Raihan’s eyes snapped over to you, looking over your figure. You were looking straight ahead, small grin on your face and a tiny blush on your cheeks. You had someone in mind for this applin. He figured he might as well test the waters, if not only to quell his own internal panic.

“‘Ideal applin’, huh? Does this applin have an intended recipient?”

You laughed, following the dragon up the stairs to his office. “It does, yes. Do you have an applin for someone, Raihan?”

I did, he thought to himself, but shook his head. “No. The person I would give it to has probably already been taken.”

You feigned a surprised gasp. “The infamous Raihan, with so many thousands of fangirls, somehow doesn’t get his feelings reciprocated?! How cruel!”

Finally, he was able to laugh. He hadn’t been able to do that in a while, what with him stressing, but you always managed to make his mood lighter. Though the dread of him not being your chosen recipient shot through him again when he opened the door to his office. “After you,” he purred. If there was one thing Raihan was good at, it was acting.

As he searched for the required documents, you wandered around his office, looking at all of the different dragon type memorabilia. It took longer than expected, because every time he looked up, you were happily smiling at another picture on his walls. Some were from Lance’s time, another was a championship match from Unova with Iris, and some legendary dragons were sprinkled in there.

After searching all of the file cabinets, his desk and some other places, he got everything together and handed it to you. They were all about how the power plant fared after the recent events with the Darkest Day, and as he approached you, he noticed that your demeanor became... fidgety. Your blush was more prominent, and you wouldn’t look him in the eyes. You just smiled, took the documents, said goodbye and rushed out the door before Raihan could say anything.

With a frown on his face, he sighed and went to sit as his desk. He leaned back in the chair, a huge sigh coursing through his body. It was then that he noticed a new addition to his desk. He furrowed his eyes and leaned forward to look at it closer. A loveball pokeball, sitting there and facing him. His heart rose in his chest, almost scared to touch it. His hands didn’t even meet the pokeball when the familiar blue light popped out, situating itself firmly on his lap.

An applin. Not just any applin. A shiny, bright green applin, already fast asleep on his lap. He couldn’t even make any sound, he was so shocked. His heart was racing a million miles an hour, he could barely process that it was holding two things. A sweet apple, and a note.

Dear Raihan,

I’m not very good at this love stuff, and I know this is really cliche, but this is the easiest way to get my feelings across. This applin is specifically bred to not only be shiny, but also have everything you need to make a badass competitive mon. I figured you already had someone special, so I just wanted to make this quick and easy. I didn’t want to hold it in anymore.

P.S. I’d like to grab some coffee with you sometime.

[Y/N]

Raihan read over the note several times, a smile brimming on his face. Then he took out his phone, held the sleeping applin up to his chest in a warm embrace, and snapped a selfie. He pulled up your text chain with him and sent the picture.

Raihan, 12:59pm

you know you could’ve stayed right

A couple seconds later, he got a ding, and wondered if you had expected something along these lines.

Cutie Bean, 1:00pm

I’M SORRY OKAY I GET NERVOUS

Cutie Bean, 1:00pm

I wanted to stay but I was... to scared.

Raihan, 1:01pm

did u really need those documents? lol

Cutie Bean, 1:01pm

...Yes, but I figured I’d leave that there too...

Raihan, 1:01pm

well, i think i’ll name her Cutie Pie after what I have you in my phone

Raihan, 1:02pm

besides, i think a coffee date tomorrow would be absolutely perfect, my cute little dragon <3

Raihan, 1:02pm

unless u have other plans? :(

Cutie Bean, 1:03pm

You’re my plan now <3

Cutie Bean, 1:03pm

Shit I have to find something to wear.

For the rest of the day, you and Raihan were texting back and forth. Everyone was wondering why he suddenly looked so happy after sulking for almost two weeks straight, but then they noticed the applin sleeping happily in the hood of his hoodie. The more that Raihan looked at Cutie Pie, he realized just how terrifying of a mon this could be. Amazing IV’s, right nature, hidden ability. He vowed to not only kiss you till the sun rose, but also someday kick your ass with this girl. If she were to ever wake up.

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adarlingsnightmare · 4 years

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Chuuya Nakahara Yandere Alphabet

Anonymous said:

Sounds good! How about the alphabet for chuuya? :3c

accidentally posted this to my main blog after writing a huge apology for my lack of posting :/ i keep doing that unfortunately. anyways, ive had a full week exams which is why i havent been posting. im extremely tired and stressed but i will try to get more requests done this week, though i have another week of exams. i do apologise, but itll be over soon. i hope you enjoy anon, this short bastard is one of my favs. <3

Affection: How do they show their love and affection? How intense would it get?

Chuuya would gladly smother you in endless kisses and cuddles, but if you tell him to back off, he'll stick to just having an arm around you (because god forbid he isn't touching you in one way or another). You'll often hear him whispering how much he absolutely adores you when he thinks you're asleep, and when you're visibly awake he'll be showering you in compliments.

Blood: How messy are they willing to get when it comes to their darling?

Oh, Chuuya will undoubtedly do whatever it takes to keep you safe, even if that results in bloody murder. He's in the mafia after all, what's a little blood on his hands, especially in the name of love?

Cruelty: How would they treat their darling once abducted? Would they mock them?

Chuuya would only mock you if you consistently failed to escape or were getting punished by him. Otherwise, he is generally loving and as romantic as possible. He will always make sure you're eating and sleeping properly, snapping at you if you refuse to eat as he gets awfully worried about you sometimes.

Darling: Aside from abduction, would they do anything against their darling's will?

No, not really. The only instances where something's against his darlings will is when he's punishing them. Other than that, it's mainly abduction and the lack of freedom to talk to people.

Exposed: How much of their heart do they bare to their darling? How vulnerable are they when it comes to their darling?

Chuuya confides in his darling, and will show a side of himself that no one else ever sees. He'll ask for advice on work matters and will constantly seek love and reassurance from his darling. While outwardly he may still appear tough and cocky, he's really soft for you.

Fight: How would they feel if their darling fought back?

He would be pretty irritated and though he'd never admit it, quite hurt. Why can't you just love him, goddamnit?! He'll try not to hurt you too much, but if you're not backing down he will use force to get you to stop.

Game: Is this a game to them? How much would they enjoy watching their darling try to escape?

Chuuya doesn't enjoy it in the slightest. His love for you isn't some 'game' and seeing you try to escape both infuriates and saddens him. All he truly wants is to be a happy, normal couple so your refusal to love him is not something he enjoys.

Hell: What would be their darling's worst experience with them?

Chuuya isn't always fully aware of how strong he actually is, especially when he uses Corruption and becomes out of control. This can lead to a terrifying situation where you're worried for your life as a monster in your boyfriend's body goes on a rampage and destroys everything around him. It rarely happens, as Chuuya really doesn't want to hurt you, but when it does it's a living nightmare.

Ideals: What kind of future do they have in mind for/with their darling?

Honestly, Chuuya doesn't really know what kind of future he wants for him and his darling, but ideally you two would move to some beautiful island — somewhere in the Caribbean, maybe? — get married, possibly start a family and live out the rest of your days in bliss.

Jealousy: Do they get jealous? Do they lash out or find a way to cope?

Luckily, Chuuya isn't insanely possessive and doesn't lash out just because you looked at someone else, but he is paranoid. He has to keep you away from other people because, what if they attempt to hurt you? The only instance where he would genuinely become jealous is if Dazai was involved. This is when you'll see his full yandere side come out and it will be extreme: locking you up in highly secure room, restraining you, putting tracking devices in everything you own, anything to ensure your safety. If you were to show an interest in Dazai, whether platonic or even worse, romantic, his paranoia and jealousy would spike up tenfold — essentially guaranteeing you'll never see the light of day again.

Kisses: How do they act around or with their darling?

Chuuya is generally really loving and calm towards his darling, still messing with them and lovingly calling them an idiot, but always so soft when speaking. However, if you were to be a brat, his rougher, more 'mafia' side would make an appearance— any soft words of reassurance thrown out the window.

Love letters: How would they go about courting or approaching their darling?

The 'traditional' way: flirting with you, taking you out on fancy dates and gifting you jewellery and flowers. He may seem smooth but he usually has to ask people (Kouyou) or the internet for advice on how to win someone's affections. He's also very observant to what you're interested in, so if you mention preferring movies to fancy dinners, that's where your next date will be.

Mask: Are their true colors drastically different from the way they act around everyone else?

Yes, but in a good way. Instead of being his 'tough executive' persona, when he's around you, he'll reveal a much sweeter and softer side of himself. He's also surprisingly affectionate, taking every opportunity to be as close to you as possible.

Naughty: How would they punish their darling?

Chuuya doesn't generally plan out punishment, he tends to go into a fit of rage and attack you with whatever is nearest. Usually it results in you being choked, slammed repeatedly against the floor or him almost breaking your ribs with his foot. Once he's calmed down is when he will decide on a proper punishment, such as keeping you restrained to the bed, taking away certain privileges or maybe if you've really done something bad... a more permanent solution will be used.

Oppression: How many rights would they take away from their darling?

As long as his darling was relatively compliant, Chuuya's only real restriction would be the ability to go outside alone without the safety of his watchful eye. Of course, if you betrayed his trust, any hint of freedom you had previously would be stripped away.

Patience: How patient are they with their darling?

Chuuya tries to be patient, he really does, but he's just so hotheaded that he often ends up snapping at his darling whenever they act up in the slightest.

Quit: If their darling dies, leaves, or successfully escapes, would they ever be able to move on?

To put it simply: no. No one else can make Chuuya feel this way, and without his wonderful darling, he feels distanced from the world. It is likely he would continue working for the Port Mafia (unless they were involved in your escape/death), a mere shell of his former self only existing to serve the mafia rather than actually living.

Regret: Would they ever feel guilty about abducting their darling? Would they ever let their darling go?

Chuuya would feel a small amount of guilt if he had to kidnap you, but his belief that it's necessary for your protection would overrule the guilt. He would absolutely never let you go, you're like the anchor that keeps him human; he cannot lose you.

Stigma: What brought about this side of them (childhood, curiosity, etc)?

Like Dazai, Chuuya feels almost inhuman, like he is a foreigner in someone else's body, yet when he brushed hands with you, he felt something real. This is what drives him to get to know you: the desperation to be human. The more he spends time with you, the more this feeling increases — leading him to be unable to just allow you to leave him. Ironically, he becomes less human the more time he devotes to you.

Tears: How do they feel about seeing their darling scream, cry, and/or isolate themselves?

Chuuya really doesn't like seeing you upset, and it hurts his heart having to punish you when you're so upset, but some things are just a necessary evil. If you've done something he considers to be really bad, he will be apathetic to your tears, believing you deserve whatever you're suffering.

Unique: Would they do anything different from the classic yandere?

Unlike a lot of yanderes, Chuuya does respect your boundaries to a degree, and won't force you to do anything you really protest against (aside from letting you go, of course).

Vice: What weakness can their darling exploit in order to escape?

Chuuya has to leave for work nearly everyday, so if you're smart and able to break locks, you have a fairly good chance of escaping. However, even if you do escape, Chuuya will find you again, and he won't take the betrayal lightly.

Wit's end: Would they ever hurt their darling?

Chuuya has a pretty short temper, especially when it comes to the safety of his darling, so if you persistently tried to escape or "put yourself in danger" (interacting with Dazai, refusing food), he may snap. As stated previously, he doesn't enjoy your pain, but sometimes it's necessary to get you to listen.

Xoanon: How much would they revere or worship their darling? To what length would they go to win their darling over?

Despite his sometimes arrogant nature, Chuuya sees his darling as on an entirely separate level to himself. He practically worships you, though he doesn't always like to show it (he's got to keep up his tough guy persona after all) and would gladly do anything you asked. His loyalty to you is even able to override his loyalty to the Port Mafia.

Yearn: How long do they pine after their darling before they snap?

Chuuya would make an effort to woo you, buying you flowers and taking you out on fancy dinners, hoping that you'll end up wanting to be in a relationship with him. He'll vehemently deny being so desperate to be with you, but it's pretty obvious he's hopelessly in love. If you were to continuously reject his advances, he may eventually end up kidnapping you, but only if he thought you were in danger (or that another person was making a move on you).

Zenith: Would they ever break their darling?

If he did end up breaking you, it wouldn't be intentional. All Chuuya wants is your unconditional love and affection, but he can get desperate if you're not showing it and will make you say how much you love him, even if you have to be put through hell to achieve it.

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thecringefailintherye · 3 years

Text

Oliver! (1968) Live (re) watch!

i have already seen oliver!, but not in ages, so i decided to watch it again, enjoy

very long post warning

fuckin hell these opening credits are LONG

i love the fact instrumentals of songs in the movie are playing

i have chocolate popcorn, apple lucozade and oliver! on, life is good

yes i know mark lester is oliver ive seen this like 20 times can i watch the film now

OH ABOUT FUCKING TIME

god is love

IS IT WORTH THE WAITING FOR IF WE LIVE TILL 84 ALL WE EVER GET IS GRUELL

i forgot how much of a banger food glorious food is

LOOK AT BABY MARK LESTER 🥺🥺🥺

ads in middle of movie be like

its harry secombe!

AMENNNN

oliver gets bullied the movie

look at this poor kid

MOREE????????

oh yes oliver i love this song

O L I V E R

poor kid

without any bannister yikes

the one who named him........O-L-IV-ERRR

oh were outside now

olivers just been kicked out oh shit

but on the plus side he has a cute ass hat on

BOY FOR SAY AL

look at oliver 🥺 he deserves better

SOWERBERRY MORE LIKE SHITTERBERRY

theres a severe lack of thats your funeral and i shall scream

noah claypole more like noah clayprick

“perhaps... if i had a tall hat?” BABEY

HES GOT HIS TALL HAT ON YES OLIVER

oliver said dab on them haters from your old gaff youre a funeral advisor now and theyre still homeless

DONT INSULT HIS MUM FUCK YOU NOAH

YES OLIVER KILL HIM

yes stuff the nine year old in a coffin and sit on it well done

"OLIVAH ??" "Yes im here: ((("

ITS MEAT!

oliver deserves better man

im gonna cry and were like 25 minutes in.

ik its not mark singing but whoever it is CAN SING WTF

i want to give him a hug

OH SHIT HES RUNNING AWAY

hes in the lettuce

LONDON YOU MADE IT !

yes oliver trains exist

DODGER!!!

whach you starin at aint ya ever seen a toff

the beak

look at lil jack wild

me more hintimate friends

cockney accent™️

the artful dodga

CONSIDERR YOURSSELF AT HOEME COSNIDER YOURSWLF OEN OF THE FAMILY !!!!!!!!!!

im sorry i love this song

look this scene is awesome, but it would be COMPLETE with charley oh wait he was demoted to extra and everything interesting abt him was given to dodger

he should have gotten the nobody tries to be ladeeda or uppity bit I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL

this cast is BIG

okay i am a Charger Enthusiast but do we all agree there is something oddly homosexual about oliver and dodger in this song

note how dodger is scared of the police FORESHADOWING

ive taken to this SO STRONGITSCLEARWEREGOINGTOGETALONG

how many extras is this ???? yall better be gettin paid

its dodga comin up

this set is sraight out of the book i love it

CHARLEY MATE IM SORRY THEY MADE YOU AN EXTRA

“oh not again” does dodger just always show up with random workhouse kids

ah yes fagin the character whos still a negative jewish stereotype

more and more big cast

THESE SAUSAGES ARE MOULDY! (am i going to freak out whenever charley does anything because i love him? yes)

stfu drink your gin

is this a laundry?? no fam

THE BEST FUCKING SONG IN THIS MUSICAL

IN THIS LIFE ONE THING COUNTS

sorry if i dont add to this until pick a pocket or two is done bc its a straight banger

this song is EVERYTHING

hard at work lol ok

did he make those himself??? no

couple a wipes

EMBROIDERED THEM??? no

petition for all oliver twist adaptations to refer to charley as master bates like the book and for him to have actual lines and not have his actor switched at least three times

i dont even now who charley is at this point because his actor is switched many a time im just gonna say purple blazer kid is charley

anyway charley bates supremacy

whos bill sikes??? NO

fuck bill all my homies hate bill

rum tum tum is a banger

go bed now

take your hat off in bed dodger

movie fagin has rights

fagin leaving where will he go

BET IS THAT YOU

FUCK OFF BILL NO ONE LIKES YOU

NANCY NANCY HES HERE !!!!!! bet deserves everything and more ily 💖

NANCYYYY!!!!!!

its a fine life more like its a banger

wheres all of bets lines gone

bet 🤝 charley (being demoted to extras)

its not funny anyore bet.. bet girl please sing youre the best fucking thing about this song

such a happy song about domestic abuse

THERE SHE IS THATS MY GIRL BET I FUCKING LOVE YOU

bullsye rights!

i hate how this movie made fagin more symathetic but he’s still a “greedy jew” stereotype

oliver?????

at this moment fagin knew he fucked up

nancy you deserve better than bill

oh hi dodger forgot you existed

and the rest of you except oliver

ah yes charley “sausages” bates i missed you

THESE FUCKING KIDS THEY ALL LOVE BET AND NANCY MY HEART

im a regular gent i am. no dodger you arent

why is “permit me to assist you across the road” so fucking funny

pov dodgers back on his bullshit so you have to pretend to be a horse and cart for him

not “sir artful” 😭😭😭

anyfink for youu

WHAT FISTICUFFS???!!!

i feel sorry for the child extras man theyve prob had to film this scene like ten times

THESE KIDS CAN SING

the boys dancing with eachother is too fucking wholesome i love this

again, movie fagin rights

weed riissk lifee and limmbb

you promised we could go see the angin!!!!!

ats on boys time were off

THIS IS MY FAVOURITE SONG

HOW COULD WE LET HOW COULD WE FORGET OUR DEAR OLD FAGIN WORRY!!

mate that aint single file did you not hear him

am i the only one who can hear london bridge is falling down in the back??

our pockets hold a watch of gold that chimes upon the hour!!! a wallet fat an old mans hat!!! the jewels from the tower!!!

WE KNOW THE NOSEY POLICEMEENNNN

dodger and charley (i am SURE charley is purple blazer kid even if havent seen this film in ages) are GETTING INTO THIS

oliver 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

movie fagin rights pt 27238227

DODGER OLIVER COME ON!!!!!!!!! alright dude chill

ARE YALL SEEING THIS SHIT, I WAS RIGHT, I TOLD YOU THAT THE LAD IN THE PURPLE BLAZER WHO SINGS “a wallet fat an old mans hat” WAS CHARLEY BATES AND GUESS WHAT HE FUCKING IS. I WAS RIGHT, PURPLE BLAZER KID IS CHARLEY YOU CAN LEAVE NOW

no dont were only an hour in

three kids on the back of the omnibus what will they do

dodger and charley said be gay do crimes

ah shit now look what youve gotten us into dodger

IT WASNT EVEN OLIVER IT WAS CHARLEY AND DODGER GO AFTER THEM

are dodger and charley straight up framing oliver for a crime they commited while also helping him escape

yes they are why are we surprised

i hate to break it to you dodger but hiding oliver in a meat sack doesnt work

OLIVERS ON THE ROOF????

charley and dodger got oliver into this mess and they are not going to get him out

WHY DIDNT YOU LOOK AFTER HIM????? right calm down fagin

how could i help it :((((

no bill!

stan nancy

“two other boys stole it” no shit

BROWNLOW !

run bitch run

right intermission time now

AND WE’RE BACK!

entr acte

who will buyyy

strawberry girl is carrying this

oliver owns my heart pt 278983728938728

this is a banger wtf

okay its done now right

right?????

UHH BILL???? DODGER???? BITCH WHY TF ARE YOU HERE

have bill fagin nancy and the boys been stalking oliver???

NO SHE WONT FAGIN!

shit.

fuck bill

this scene is far more sadder when you think of how the boys have just seen the only woman they see as a mother figure been hit to the flo or, im not crying, you are

as long as he needs me :(

FUCK YOU BILL

rose maylie is that you?!

look at lil oliver!!

BILL FUCK OFF

i hate bill

“look at his togs! he’s got books too!” charley and dodger are my emotional support kids

anyway have i mentioned i hate bill, bc i hate bill.

I REALLY REALLY HATE BILL

even fagin aka the guy whos keeping these kids as pickpockets has more morals than bill

WE STAY CALM!!

no bill i havent heard a dying chicken

act one was just childish antics now we have THIS

fuck bill

YOURE TELLING ME THE BOYS WATCHED THAT????

jack wild is a banging actor. he genuinely looks terrified 🥺

this film..

a mans got a heart hasnt he?? yes you do!!!

a full song dedicated to movie fagin rights?? did i ghostwrite this?? probably

banger

ithinkidbetterthinkitoutagain!

villains theives and nine year olds

MR BUMBLE?????!!!!!!!!!!

fuck bill pt72898376728909878199

bill youre traumatising him

cmon nance do something!!

also completely forgot abt this but uh does monks exist in this i forgot bc we have had no mentions of him yet

nancy tell him who bill is!!!

bullseye deserves better

uhm what is going on

bill sikes more like bill yikes

oliver what are you doing

BILL TERRIFIES ME

FUCK

omg oom pah pah????

leave oliver alone bill hes like nine

oh banger

OOM PAH PAH THATS HOW IT GOES!!!!!!!!!

just asking are nancy and bet lesbians bc they look it

COULD IT BE OOM PAH PAHHHHHH

god i love this song

IT SHOOOOOWSSSSSS

its the same oom pah pah

“She was from the country but now shes up a gumtree she let a fella feed her then lead her a long” foreshadowiinnggg

OOM PAH PAH! OOM PAH PAH! OOM PAH PAH!

nancy is so fucking smart

getting the whole pub singing and dancing to smuggle out oliver? clever

fuck

bill.. no.. bill.. bill????

FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKC

BILL GET OFF HER

NANCY NO

HE STRAIGHT UP COMMIT MURDER AGAINST THE NICEST CHARACTER

BROWNLOW DO YOU NOT HEAR NOTHING

nancy deserved a better death than to be killed by bill fuck bill

EVEN BULLSEYE HATES YOU BILL

ARE THEY ACCUSING BULLSEYE OF MURDER

FUCK YOU BILL

movie fagin rights + fuck bill combo?

youre telling me fagin had an ESCAPE ROUTE??? AT THE BOTTOM OF THE HOUSE THING??? THE WHOLE TIME???

BILL DONT KILL THE CHILD

BILL

fuck, well. #

“WHAT DO I DO!?” “LIVE UP TO YOUR NAME, DODGE ABOUT”

ten quid says dodgers been caught

oh no all fagins shit is gone

BILL DONT KILL THE CHILD PT 2

FUCK YOU BILL

GOD I HATE HIM

OLIVER MATE ARE YOU OK

never have i been so happy to see a character die

rest in shit bill

hi dodger thought you got caught n went to australia

god, this film is so fucking good.

reviewing the situation 2.0 goes hard

MOVIE. FAGIN. RIGHTS!

FAGIN YOU CAN BE A GOOD MAN YOU KNOW YOU CAN

DODGER??????????

IM TOTALLY NOT CRYING RN

FAGIN NO DONT TAKE IT

FUCKING PLOTTWIST

IT MADE IT LOOK LIKE FAGIN WAS GONNA GIVE THE WALLET BACK TO DODGER BUT NO

once the villain you’re the villain to the end

i completely forgot abt this scene since i’ve been reading the oliver twist book and in that dodger gets arrested and fagin gets hanged but here they get away?

god this is bittersweet

I THINK WE’D OUGHT TO THINK IT OUT AGAIN!!!!!

thats where the film should have ended, i get olivers the main character but it ending on dodger and fagin walking out into the sunset is such a pleasing ending man

oliver gets his happy ending abt time

YES CONSIDER YOURSELF AND BE BACK SOON (THE BIGGEST BANGERS IN THE FILM) CREDITS SONGS!!

well.. that was a journey and half

#oliver!#oliver twist #oliver #oliver! 1968 #oliver 1968 #charlie’s comfort movies #oliver twist 1968 #oliver! the musical #oliver the musical #musicals #1960s #1960s movies #60s #mark lester #jack wild #oliver reed #ron moody #shani wallis #and everyone else in the huge ass cast

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