#ive gone 3 days without watching it pls

[pitlanepeach]

From Eden | The Epilogue (8/8)

Oscar Piastri x Francesca Gold (OFC)

Summary — Francesca Gold is an introvert with a quiet life and a Youtube channel where she talks about books, drinks too much tea, and rarely ever shows her face. She prefers it that way - tucked into her London flat with her cat, Henry, and safely hidden behind a screen.

Oscar Piastri is a Formula 1 driver. Fast-paced, high-stakes, always on the move. He hasn't read a book in years, but he's watched every single one of Francesca's videos. Just for the sound of her voice.

Following her on Instagram was a moment of weakness. He didn't think she'd notice.

She did.

Chapter Warnings — Mentions of agoraphobia + severe social anxiety. Seasonal Depressive Episodes. So much fluff it’ll rot your teeth. Time skips.

Notes — Not the longest, but I think that it's perfect. You have all shown this fic so much love. Thank you, I hope this ending does their story justice — Peach x

liked by oscarpiastri, hattiepiastri, landonorris, and 102,374 others

bookishgoldie surrounded by so much love

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user1 henry is like HELL NAH MOM TAKE ME BACK INSIDE RIGHT NOW😭

bookishgoldie he actually loves being outdoors!!!! until he sees people and/or other cats

user03 the texts😌😌😌 ur faves could never

user63 CAN WE HAVE A SEQUEL UPDATE PLS??????

bookishgoldie 😉

user17 are you going to be at the GP this weekend?

user91 she hasn’t been to any of the last 3 😕

bookishgoldie just because you haven’t seen me, doesn’t mean im not there!!🫶 been having a hard time lately so ive just been hiding from the cameras

user91 feel better soon francesca❤️

user60 bf oscar crumbs…. IKTR

user76 you might actually be the prettiest girl in the world. like your HAIR????????

oscarpiastri glad those are the texts you decided to post and not the ones a little further down 👍🏻

bookishgoldie OSCAR

oscarpiastri 🧡

user75 god this feels like watching my parents flirt🤧

user33 new vlog soon? ♥ by bookishgoldie

—

Things always got a little harder to deal with in the winter.

Cold weather, dark, shorter days. 

Oscar, gone more than he was home, spending more time in England than Monaco, preparing for the new season at the MTC. 

Katie arrived after Christmas with sacks full of presents and the intention to stay for as long as she was welcome.

And Francesca let herself struggle.

She didn’t mask it or push it down. She let herself sleep in. Let herself cry into the collar of Oscar’s hoodies. Let Katie wrap her up in blankets and feed her shitty microwavable pasta. She let herself feel the heavy days without guilt.

And then spring came, slow and golden. The sea looked blue again. Henry sat at the window for hours, purring in the warmth.

Francesca curled up in the corner of the sofa, a half-drunk cup of tea resting on the armrest. Oscar stretched out beside her, hair damp from the shower, an arm slung loosely over her shins.

Their bodies were tired, but their faces were soft — content, a little dazed, totally at peace.

There was music playing faintly from a speaker in the kitchen. The balcony doors were open. The scent of jasmine drifted in with the breeze.

Neither of them said anything for a long moment.

Then, without opening her eyes, Francesca whispered, “I think I’m ready.”

Oscar turned his head, brushing his nose against her knee. “You sure?”

She opened her eyes. Looked at him. Smiled. “Yeah.” 

— 

The wedding wasn’t extravagant.

They’d talked about a big one — at home in Monaco, or away in Lake Como, with flower arches and string quartets and draped silk. 

But in the end, the choice was easy.

A coastal garden just outside Melbourne. A warm autumn breeze. Less than fifty guests. A white dress with long sleeves and lace along the hem. A charcoal grey suit with a crooked boutonni��re that Oscar kept fiddling with until Logan smacked his hand away.

Katie cried the entire time. Her mascara was streaked halfway down her cheeks by the time Francesca walked down the aisle — Max, seated beside her in an unusually well-fitted suit, held her hand tightly, leaning in to whisper something that made her laugh through her tears. Henry had a bow tie and a seat in the front row, though he spent most of the ceremony asleep in Zac’s lap.

Oscar didn’t stop smiling. Not once.

He cried when she reached him. Not dramatically — just soft, silent tears. 

Their vows were simple. Sweet. (“I’ll never stop choosing you,” he’d said, thumb brushing her knuckles as his voice caught. “In every version of life, in every timeline — it’s always you.”)

After the ceremony, they danced barefoot under fairy lights. They kissed for too long during dinner. Katie gave a toast that quickly turned into a roast, full of sharp jabs and softer edges, the kind only a best friend could get away with. Mark cried during the father-daughter dance — harder than he had the day Francesca first asked him to step in for her absent father. Lando caught the bouquet.

And when the music quieted and the guests thinned, they stayed. Just the two of them. Sitting on the edge of the dance floor, champagne in one hand and her heels dangling from the other.

“You happy, baby?” Oscar asked, nose against her temple.

Francesca leaned into him, her lips brushing the line of his jaw. “Yeah.”

They didn’t rush off on any kind of honeymoon. There was a race two weeks later. It didn’t matter. Wherever they went, Monaco, London, Melbourne, a grid in the middle of nowhere; they had each other.

And that was more than enough.

— 

There were tiny shoes by the front door — worn at the toes, one toppled over like it had been abandoned mid-adventure. A toddler-sized karting suit swayed gently on the balcony, its colours faded slightly from the sun, dancing on the breeze like a memory.

Inside, the apartment held a hush, the kind that settled in the late afternoon when the world was between moments. Oscar was gone — somewhere fast and loud and far away — and her baby girl slept soundly, curled in a bassinet adjacent to Francesca’s desk. 

Francesca sat in front of her computer, bathed in soft light, her fingers moving slowly across the keys. A new manuscript sat on the screen. This one was different. Quieter. Gentler. Woven with the kind of love that had grown slowly over time, deep-rooted and certain. Her tea, long forgotten, sat cold beside her.

Sunlight spilled across the floor, golden and drowsy, stretching toward an old pet bed in the corner. Henry lay there, curled up in a patch of warmth, his ginger fur dulled with age. Curled beside him, a kitten — all fluff and white — snored in perfect harmony, their bodies forming a sleepy, tangled mess.

A quiet rustle, the creak of little feet on hardwood.

Francesca paused, fingertips hovering above her keyboard.

From the living room, the low hum of the television drifted in. The race broadcast, crowd noise swelling like waves. And then, clearer than anything else, a small, delighted voice rang out, “Daddy!”

She was smiling even before she pushed up from her desk. That voice, high and sweet and excited, cut through the stillness like some kind of magic. 

Her little boy was standing in front of the TV, one hand pressed against the screen where Oscar’s face was displayed. His curls were rumpled from sleep, cheeks still flushed, tiny fingers smudging the corner of the screen as if touching his father would bring him closer. 

Francesca leaned in the doorway, one shoulder against the frame, her heart full. 

The race commentary carried on in the background, and her little boy bounced on his toes. 

Her gaze drifted to the balcony, to where the tiny karting suit hung in the breeze; the sleeves smudged with stains, the knees scuffed from victory. It was so small that just looking at it made her chest ache. 

Her little boy had won his first race a week ago. The youngest in his category. Sharp in the corners. Smooth on the throttle. Brave.

It was in his blood.

His father, now a three-time world champion, had scooped him up in the pit lane like he was the one who’d just won a title, not the other way around.

Generational, they called it.

Her little boy caught sight of her in his peripheral and beamed. All toothy grin and sun-kissed cheeks. Without hesitation, he ran to her, arms outstretched. She bent to meet him halfway, grunting softly as she lifted him onto her hip.

He wrapped himself around her neck, squeezing her tight. 

He didn’t have to win races to be held like this. Didn’t need to be the best or the brightest or the bravest. He didn’t have to earn a single inch of her love.

It was already his. Always would be.

She kissed the side of his head, inhaling the familiar scent of sun and sugar and something impossibly sweet.

“You hungry, darling?” she whispered into his hair.

He nodded. “Toast, please. With jam.”

“Coming right up.” She gave him another squeeze before setting him down gently. “You wanna stay and watch daddy?”

He nodded eagerly, eyes sparkling as he twisted his head around to watch the TV screen, where Oscar was currently navigating through an interview.

She carried him over to the couch, his small weight settled against her side as she tucked the quilt around him, the soft fabric a cocoon of warmth and comfort. He curled into it, content and safe.

She took a few steps toward the kitchen, paused, then pulled out her phone and took a photo. 

— 

iMessage — Francesca & Oscar 

Francesca 

*insert photo* 

Oscar 

Thank you

Needed that

Love you

Francesca 

Love you <3

— 

The sun was low in the sky. Francesca sat on a pink towel, legs stretched out, toes buried in the cooling grains. Beside her, Oscar lay propped up on one elbow, his eyes half-lidded as he watched their son dart across the shore, chasing a scuttling crab with wild delight. Their daughter sat nearby, deeply engrossed in her sprawling sandcastle mansion, occasionally glancing up to make sure her parents were still there, still watching.

Oscar shifted slightly, pushing up onto both elbows now, his brows knitting as he stared out at the horizon. 

Francesca moved closer to him, resting her head on his shoulder. “What’s on your mind?” she asked, her voice soft, knowing.

He shook his head a little, a half-smile pulling at his lips. “Just... thinking.”

She raised an eyebrow. “About what?”

He didn’t answer at first. Just watched the sun dip lower. Then, finally, his voice low and sure, he said, “I think it’s time.”

She frowned, confused. “Time for what? To head back? It’s still early.”

Oscar sat up properly now, brushing sand off his palms. He looked at her — really looked at her — and the air between them seemed to hold its breath. He dragged a hand through his hair, fingers lingering at the back of his neck, before resting his gaze on her again. “Time to retire.”

Francesca’s heart stumbled. “Retire?” Her voice dropped to a whisper, barely audible over the sea breeze. “What do you mean?”

He let out a long breath, turning his attention back to their children. Their son let out a triumphant laugh, clutching an empty bucket in one hand, while their daughter patted the top of her castle with precise, serious little chubby fingers.

“Five world titles,” Oscar said. “I’ve done it. I’ve done more than I ever dreamed of. And I’m proud of that. But I think… I don’t need the next ten. I just want this.” His voice softened. “You. Them. No more risks. No more being away. I want to be here.”

Francesca’s chest ached. She’d thought about this moment before — hoped for it, in secret. But he was still so young, only thirty-two. He could have gone on for years. He could’ve shattered more records, chased more championships.

But he didn’t want that anymore.

He wanted to come home.

She smiled, even as her eyes stung. Her lips trembled slightly as she asked, “You’re sure?”

Oscar reached for her, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear, his fingers lingering at her jaw with a kind of reverence that made her breath hitch. “I don’t think I’ve ever been more sure of anything, ‘Cesca.”

Her hand covered his, grounding herself in the moment, in him. “Okay,” she said, voice thick with emotion. “Okay.”

— 

Laughter rang from the garden just beyond; a bright, bubbling sound that tugged a soft smile from Francesca as she stood on the back porch, watching.

Katie was kneeling in the grass, a crown of daisies crooked on her head, her arms raised in mock defeat as Francesca’s daughter tackled her around the middle with giggles. Her son cheered his sister on from the sidelines, face smudged with dirt, holding a water gun like a trophy.

“You little shits,” Katie cackled, falling onto her back with theatrical drama, arms splayed wide as the children climbed over her triumphantly.

Francesca laughed. She stepped out into the sun, barefoot on warm stone. “You’ve completely lost control of them,” she called out.

“Excuse me,” Katie said, sitting up with a toddler’s arms wrapped around her neck. “I am their queen, thank you very much. This is just… a temporary coup.”

Francesca sat beside them in the grass, brushing a hand over her daughter’s hair as the little girl nestled into Katie’s lap. 

“I hope you know,” Francesca said eventually, softly, “You’re their aunt, but you’re also my sister. The first real family I ever had.”

Katie looked over at her, blinking fast. “Christ, Fran, don’t go saying stuff like that, I’m trying to maintain my badass aunt image.”

Francesca smiled, eyes shimmering. “Too late. You’re a daisy-crowned queen now. Fully compromised.”

Katie laughed, leaning over to bump their shoulders together. “Love you too, dummy.”

— 

Students bustled around them, dragging suitcases, clutching dorm keys, hugging parents goodbye. It was a flurry of new beginnings and tender goodbyes.

Francesca stood just off the main building, one hand loosely curled around her husband’s, the other pressed gently to her sternum, like she was trying to hold herself together from the inside out. Their daughter was walking away with her new roommate at her side, after their teary goodbye’s had drawn to an end.

Oscar watched her with quiet pride, his thumb brushing the back of Francesca’s hand when their daughter turned and waved — eyes bright, a little glassy, but shining with something solid and sure.

“She’ll be fine,” he said softly.

Francesca nodded, though her throat was tight. “I know.”

They lingered, neither of them ready to break the moment. It felt impossibly full — their daughter stepping into her future, their son already chasing his at breakneck speed, halfway across the world, poised to win the F2 title, just a year after securing the F3 championship.

Francesca exhaled a breath that trembled at the edges, her voice barely above a whisper. “I can’t believe all of this started in my tiny London flat.”

Oscar leaned in, pressed a kiss to her temple, and let his forehead rest against hers, warm and steady. “We built a whole life out of that flat.”

They stood together, quiet. Proud of everything they'd managed to create. Two lives made with care. A family grown with love.

“Ready to go?” Oscar asked his wife gently.

Francesca smiled, her heart full. “Yeah. Let’s go see our boy win his second championship.”

[mingi-s-dimples]

Dear Diary... - San

~"Hi love hope you’re doing well✨ Ive read your San kitten fic and I enjoyed it 😀tremendously 🔥. Now If it’s ok with you (I couldn’t find it in your blog that if you’re ok with this kink or nah) to write [cnc+ dirty talk and corruption kink]with San?? And if not cnc anything that comes from authority figures of him. Pls plssss ignore this if it’s makes you uncomfortable ❤️🍓" ~ queen I haven't written cnc corruption kink in my life. I hope I got the idea, even the slightest 😞.

pairing: san x fem!reader

genre: 18+

summary: san read your little journal.. and that ends with you screaming his name.

wc: 5.6k

warnings: dom!san, big dick!san, he eats her out, dirty talk, some cnc + corruption kink (he kinda softly makes her submit to it when he reads her diary + he doesn't care that she's a virgin and he actually encourages it even more so i guess it works? i'm so sorry i never wrote corruption kink before i promise i'll do better 😞💖), she's a virgin, neck holding and softly choking, marking all over, mamhandling, vaginal sex, he doesn't fuck he pounds, multiple orgasms, she screams out his name duh, some crumb of aftercare, cockwarming, unprotected (she's supposedly on bc but booo use protection!), unedited might edit later, for sure forgot something, completely consensual (after he makes her submit to him!)

Author's Note: woahhhh I haven't wrote in a while ngl. Felt good to be back.. sorry for not posting 😞. Life updates: Had 3 exams and I almost failed one but upsies it's maths 💀, had a bf for 3 days cause he acted weird and he said I'm his everything and that he loves me and that he can't be without me and I was like brotha ew we've been tgt for 3 days... and he got offended and unfollowed me everywhere 💀 boys these days... (i sound like a 70yo granma). Anyways I hope I'll post way more these days! There are only two exams to go, one this Friday and one this Saturday (for tutoring!) so I'll disappear again until Saturday night 🧍‍♀️ but I'll post on Sunday ! everyone cheer pls. Love youuuuuu allll

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction and does not represent the reality of the member in any way.

The rich scent of steak still lingered in the air, mingling with the faint remnants of laughter and conversation from earlier in the evening. Your small apartment felt quieter now, with only the faint hum of the fridge and the occasional clink of San’s beer bottle against the counter breaking the silence.

The others had left hours ago, leaving just you and him—like it so often did. You couldn’t even remember how it had started, the unspoken rule that San always stuck around longer than anyone else, as if this place belonged to him as much as it did to you.

“You’re really not going to let those dishes wait until tomorrow, are you?” he asked, leaning against the kitchen counter with a smirk. The casual authority in his tone was infuriatingly familiar, yet somehow impossible to ignore.

You glanced at him over your shoulder, rolling your eyes as you stacked the last plate. “And let me guess—you’re going to stand there, drinking your beer, and not help.”

“Exactly.” His grin widened, infuriating and so utterly *him.* “I’ve got my role down. Yours is to overachieve and keep pretending you don’t have OCD about cleaning up after people.”

“I do not—” you started, only to cut yourself off with a sigh. There was no winning with San.

Instead, you gave him a look, grabbed the last of the plates, and disappeared down the hall toward the bathroom. “Try not to break anything while I’m gone,” you called back over your shoulder.

“Don’t worry,” he drawled. “I’ll keep myself entertained.”

San watched you go, waiting until the sound of the bathroom door clicking shut echoed faintly down the hallway. Then his attention drifted lazily around the room.

Your apartment was familiar in a way that made it feel like a second home—organized chaos, with books, mismatched blankets, and stray notebooks scattered across every available surface. It was the kind of place that felt lived-in, every corner a reflection of your mind: half-stressed, half-dreaming.

It was a notebook on the coffee table that caught his eye.

It wasn’t hidden, exactly. Half-tucked under a glossy magazine, its leather cover gleamed faintly in the low light. The word *Private* was written neatly across the front in a handwriting he’d recognize anywhere—yours.

A slow grin spread across his face. “Private, huh?” he murmured, setting his beer down and reaching for the notebook.

He flipped it open, expecting to find the usual: to-do lists, random doodles, or the same kind of perfectly planned schedules you’d been making since grade school. But instead, his eyes landed on something else.

*Sometimes I wonder what it would feel like to lose control completely. To have someone take charge and make me do things I’d never admit I want. Things I’d never say out loud...*

San froze, his grin fading as his eyes skimmed over the words. The meaning hit him slowly, like a low-burning flame that spread heat through his chest and settled somewhere.. lower.

*...to be pinned down, held in place, unable to fight back but not really wanting to. To have someone whisper filthy things in my ear and tell me how much they love seeing me fall apart under their control...*

He swallowed hard, his grip on the notebook tightening as he kept reading. The words painted vivid pictures in his mind—images he’d never dared associate with you before, no matter how many times his teasing had drifted close to the edge.

But this was different. This wasn’t teasing. This was your handwriting, your fantasies laid bare on the pages in front of him.

And the worst—or maybe the best—part? He couldn’t stop reading.

The sound of the bathroom door opening snapped him out of it. He quickly snapped the notebook shut, placing it back on the coffee table just as you stepped into the room.

When your eyes landed on him, standing far too close to the coffee table, your expression immediately shifted. Suspicion flickered across your face, followed by alarm as you spotted the notebook.

“No,” you breathed, your voice almost a whisper. “San... Tell me you didn’t.”

He arched a brow, leaning casually against the arm of the couch as if nothing had happened. “Didn’t what?”

Your stomach twisted. “You didn’t read that, did you?”

He shrugged, the corner of his mouth curving into a smirk. “You left it out in plain sight, sweetheart. Hard not to be curious.”

“San!” Your voice rose in a mix of panic and mortification as you rushed over, snatching the notebook off the table. You clutched it to your chest, your cheeks burning so hot you could feel the heat spreading to your neck.

He watched you with infuriating calm, his dark eyes gleaming with something you couldn’t quite name. “Relax,” he said, his tone deceptively soothing. “It’s not like I read the whole thing.”

Your heart sank. “What... what did you read?”

San pushed off the couch and stepped closer, closing the space between you with deliberate ease. He stopped just inches away, towering over you in that way that always made you feel small—and not entirely in a bad way.

“Enough to know you’ve got some... interesting thoughts rattling around in that head of yours,” he said, his voice low and teasing. “Care to explain?”

You shook your head, mortified. “No. Absolutely not. You shouldn’t have—”

“Shouldn’t have what?” he interrupted, his tone sharpening just slightly. “Picked it up? Read it? Or are you just embarrassed that I know now?”

You glared at him, though your resolve was already wavering. “This isn’t funny, San.”

His smirk faded, replaced by something darker, more serious. “Who said I’m joking?”

He reached out, brushing a strand of hair from your face. “Maybe it’s time someone gave you what you’ve been asking for.”

The room felt too small, the air too thick. Your lips parted, but no sound came out. You couldn’t bring yourself to say the word, even though you knew you should.

San’s smirk returned, slow and deliberate.

“Mhm-” he murmured, his voice heavy with unspoken intent.

His gaze lingered on you, sharp and assessing, as if he could see through every feeble defense you were trying to put up. The notebook still clutched against your chest felt like a useless shield, doing nothing to block the heat of his presence or the weight of his words.

“Not going to tell me to stop?” he asked, the challenge clear in his tone. “Guess that means you don’t want me to.”

You swallowed hard, your heart hammering in your chest. “This is not funny, San,” you whispered, though even you could hear the lack of conviction in your voice.

“Funny? Not even a little.” He stepped closer, his eyes glinting with something darker. “But it is fascinating. You, scribbling all those dirty thoughts down like a good little secret-keeper, acting all innocent around me—who would’ve guessed?”

“Stop,” you said, the word trembling as it left your lips.

“Why?” His brow arched in amusement, though his voice remained low and intent. “Does it make you uncomfortable? Or is it hitting a little too close to home?”

Before you could answer—or even think of a response—he reached out, plucking the notebook from your hands with maddening ease.

“San!” you exclaimed, reaching for it, but he held it out of reach, his grin never faltering.

“Let’s see,” he said, flipping it open again as your heart dropped into your stomach. “Ah, here it is... *I want to be taken—rough, merciless, made to feel like I can’t get enough.*” He glanced at you, his smirk widening at the audible hitch in your breath. “Quite the vivid imagination you’ve got there, sweetheart.”

“Give it back!” you said, your voice cracking.

“Why?” He shifted the notebook to his other hand, holding it out of reach. “Are you scared because I know how badly you want this?”

Your knees felt weak as he stepped closer, invading your space with the kind of confidence that left you feeling unmoored.

“You’re such an ass,” you muttered, trying and failing to glare at him.

“Maybe,” he said with a shrug, his grin sharpening. “But at least I’m honest. You? Not so much.”

San’s free hand brushed against your jaw, his touch light but firm, sending a shiver down your spine.

“You’re blushing,” he observed, his voice teasing but softer. “Is it embarrassment? Ouu, is it.. something else?”

“San,” you said, his name coming out more like a plea than a protest.

“What?” he asked, tilting his head as his thumb traced along your jawline. “Can’t take the heat?”

You shook your head, but you didn’t pull away. You couldn’t.

He chuckled, low and satisfied. “Thought so.”

Without warning, his hand slid to the back of your neck, his grip firm as he pulled you closer. His other hand dropped the notebook onto the couch, freeing him to let his fingers trail down your arm, light enough to make you shiver.

“You know what I think?” he murmured, his voice dropping to a husky murmur.

You shook your head, your breath uneven.

“I think you’ve been waiting for someone to see past all that sweet, good-girl bullshit,” he continued, his thumb brushing along the line of your jaw, “and call you what you really are.”

Your heart slammed against your ribs, the words lodging in your throat. “San...”

His grip on your neck tightened slightly, enough to make you gasp. “What’s wrong? Don’t like hearing it? Or do you like it too much?”

The way your thighs pressed together didn’t escape his notice, and his grin sharpened.

“You’re easy to read,” he said softly, his voice thick with satisfaction. “You’ve been wanting this for a while, haven’t you?”

Your lips parted, a faint whimper escaping before you could stop it.

“Good girl,” he murmured, his fingers slipping lower to trace the curve of your waist. “See? That wasn’t so hard, was it?”

Your breath hitched as his lips hovered near yours, the air between you crackling with tension. He didn’t kiss you, but the sheer proximity left you trembling.

“You can tell me to stop,” he said again, his voice rough but steady. “One word, sweetheart, and I’ll walk away.”

You opened your mouth, but the words wouldn’t come.

San’s grin returned, slower and more deliberate. “Yeah. That’s what I thought.”

His free hand skimmed the bare skin above your waistband, teasing and slow, and you felt your knees buckle slightly.

“You’ve been waiting for someone to push you,” he murmured, his lips brushing the shell of your ear, “to see how far you’ll let them go. Haven’t you?”

You couldn’t answer, your breath coming in shallow gasps.

San leaned back just enough to meet your gaze, his eyes searching yours. “Say the word,” he said quietly. “And I’ll stop.”

Your silence said everything, and his lips curved into a smirk.

“That’s my girl,” he murmured, his voice low and full of promise.

His free hand skimmed the bare skin above your waistband, teasing and slow, and you felt your knees buckle slightly.

Before you could process his words, his hands were on you again—fast, firm, deliberate. His grip was steady as he lifted you effortlessly, as though you weighed nothing at all. A gasp escaped you, your hands instinctively clutching his shoulders, but the smirk never left his face.

“You wrote about this, didn’t you?” San teased, his voice dripping with amusement as he carried you across the room. “Right there in your little journal. I had no idea you had such... vivid thoughts.”

He dropped you on the bed. San stood at the edge of it, arms crossed, his dark eyes gleaming with a mix of amusement and control. You were there, sprawled across the mattress, your chest heaving from the tension that hung heavy between you. The heat of your earlier argument still simmered in the air, but now the power had shifted entirely into his hands—and you both knew it.

“You’ve been quiet ever since,” San murmured, his voice low and mocking as he stepped closer, each movement slow and deliberate. “What’s the matter, sweetheart? Not so bold now that I know what’s been running through that pretty little head of yours?”

Your gaze darted away, heat creeping up your neck, but San wasn’t having it. He climbed onto the bed in one smooth motion, his weight sinking the mattress as he caged you beneath him. One hand pressed into the sheets beside your head, while the other traced the curve of your jaw, forcing you to look at him.

“Don’t even think about hiding from me now,” he said softly, the mockery in his tone laced with undeniable command. “Not after everything you wrote. Not after you left me to read between the lines of those fantasies you scribbled down so... shamelessly.”

Your breath hitched, and you pressed your thighs together instinctively, which only made his smirk widen.

“I have to admit,” he continued, leaning closer until his lips were brushing the shell of your ear, “I didn’t know you could be *this* filthy. Wanting to be manhandled? Thrown around? Tamed?” His breath was warm against your skin, his tone both teasing and heavy with promise. “Tell me, did you ever imagine I’d actually do it?”

“I-..” You shuddered beneath him, your fingers curling into the sheets as you struggled to form a response. But San was relentless, his hand trailing down to your throat, his grip firm but not restricting as he tilted your head up toward him.

“Don’t play dumb now,” he whispered, his gaze locking with yours. “You knew exactly what you were doing when you left that journal out. When you wrote about how badly you wanted someone to take control. To leave you breathless, shaking… *ruined.*”

You swallowed hard, the air between you thick with tension, and he chuckled softly, the sound vibrating through you.

“Admit it,” he murmured, his lips brushing your jawline, his hand still firm on your throat. “Admit that you’ve been waiting for me to push you like this. That you wanted me to see *every* word of it.”

“I—” your voice faltered, trembling under the weight of his intensity. “Mh..mhm” you were only able to mumble some word.

His fingers loosened just enough to stroke the column of your neck. “Good girl.”

He leaned back just slightly, enough to drink in the sight of you beneath him, flushed and trembling. His grin was wicked as he reached for your wrists, pinning them above your head with a grip that left no room for resistance.

“Now,” he murmured, lowering himself until his lips hovered mere inches from yours, “let’s see if you’re ready to live up to everything you wrote, sweetheart.”

Your head tilted back against the mattress, and the tension in the room thickened until it was nearly suffocating. The way San hovered above you, all sharp grins and teasing touches, had you trembling with anticipation. But as his words replayed in your mind, something inside you snapped.

“Fuck it,” you muttered, your voice shaky but certain. “You’ve already read it. You know exactly what I want.”

San’s brow arched, his smirk sharpening as he leaned in closer, his nose brushing yours. “Oh? And what’s that, sweetheart?”

You swallowed hard, your pulse hammering in your ears. “You. All of you. No teasing, no holding back.” Your voice softened, almost a whisper now. “Please.”

San let out a low chuckle, his dark gaze flickering with amusement and something darker—something primal. “You’re begging now?” he mused, his tone rich with satisfaction. “Didn’t think I’d get to hear that so soon.”

“I’m serious,” you said, your breath hitching as his thumb brushed your jawline. “No going back now. Just—just fuck me, San.”

His grin widened, and for a moment, he just stared at you, as though savoring the sight of you so vulnerable beneath him. Then, with deliberate ease, he sat back and tugged his shirt over his head in one swift motion, the fabric landing somewhere behind him.

You couldn’t help it; your eyes roamed over his toned chest, the sharp lines of muscle catching the dim light. Your breath caught, and he didn’t miss the way your eyes roamed.

“Like what you see?” he teased, his voice dripping with confidence as he reached for the hem of your shirt. He didn’t wait for an answer, peeling the fabric off your body just as effortlessly. His gaze swept over you, slow and deliberate, and you shivered under the intensity of it.

“Perfect,” he murmured, almost to himself, before his hands moved to your waistband. His fingers made quick work of the button and zipper, sliding your pants down your legs with maddening precision.

But then he stopped.

Stepping back, he straightened to his full height, his hands already moving to unbuckle his own belt. The metallic clink of it sent a shiver down your spine, and you couldn’t tear your eyes away as he worked.

He was slow—so agonizingly slow—pulling the leather free and tossing it aside before unbuttoning his pants. The sharp sound of his zipper being undone felt deafening in the charged silence, and the deliberate pace had your heart racing.

“Enjoying the show?” he asked, his voice smug as he slid the denim down his hips, revealing inch after inch of skin.

You didn’t answer, too captivated by the sight of him to form a coherent thought. Your gaze locked onto him, your chest rising and falling with shallow breaths, and you could feel the heat pooling low in your stomach as desire overtook every part of you.

“Thought so,” he murmured, stepping closer, his smirk never fading. “You just can’t get enough, can you?”

You shook your head, your lips parting slightly as you stared up at him with nothing but raw, unfiltered lust. “Not even close.”

His laugh was deep, rumbling, and utterly intoxicating. “Good,” he said simply, lowering himself back onto the bed, his body hovering over yours. “Because I’m just getting started.”

San crawled over you with the precision of a predator closing in on its prey, his movements slow and deliberate, his gaze locked onto yours. His weight pressed into the mattress, pinning you in place as he leaned in, his lips hovering over yours, teasing but not yet giving.

One of his hands wrapped firmly around your neck, the pressure just enough to remind you who was in control. The way his thumb brushed against the side of your throat made your breath hitch, a soft gasp escaping you as your body instinctively arched toward him.

“Look at you,” he murmured, his voice low and rough. “Already falling apart, and I haven’t even kissed you yet.”

His other hand was down around his cock, his movements slow, lazy, and unhurried as he stroked himself. The subtle motion made your mouth go dry, your gaze flickering downward for a split second before snapping back up to meet his. The heat in his eyes was unbearable, and yet you couldn’t look away, couldn’t stop the way your body responded to the tension crackling between you.

San smirked at your reaction, his thumb pressing slightly harder against your neck as he brought his lips closer, brushing them lightly against yours. It wasn’t a kiss—not really—but the sensation was enough to send a jolt of electricity straight through you.

Then, just as you started to lean up, desperate for more, the hand from his cock moved. Slowly, almost torturously, he trailed it from himself to your thigh. His fingers brushed against your skin, sending a shiver down your spine, before he hooked his hand under your leg and spread it out beneath him.

“Perfect,” he murmured, his voice a low rasp as his palm pressed against the inside of your knee, holding you open with deliberate ease. “Just like I imagined.”

You swallowed hard, your breath catching as he leaned in closer, his lips finally crashing against yours. The kiss was searing, hungry, and consuming, his hand still firm on your throat as he claimed you completely. Your mind was spinning, your body surrendering to the heat of him, to the way he dominated every inch of your senses.

His grip on your neck tightened slightly, grounding you as his thumb brushed along the curve of your jaw. The other hand remained on your leg, his thumb stroking lazy circles on your skin as he shifted his weight, pressing himself closer.

“You’re mine now,” he muttered against your lips, his voice rough and commanding. “No running, no hiding. I’m going to make sure you don’t forget it.”

Your only response was a soft whimper, your hands reaching for him, desperate to pull him closer. And San, ever the tease, chuckled low in his throat, his lips moving to your jaw as he whispered, “Good girl.”

As San’s lips devoured yours, leaving you breathless and pliant beneath him, a quiet confession slipped out before you could stop it.

“I’ve never done this before,” you whispered, your voice trembling and almost lost in the heat of the moment.

San stilled for just a second, his head tilting slightly as he looked down at you, processing your words. The smirk that crept onto his lips was slow and deliberate, a mix of surprise and amusement lighting up his dark eyes.

“You’re a virgin?” he asked, his tone low, curious, and laced with disbelief. “After everything you wrote in that journal?”

Your cheeks burned, and you couldn’t meet his gaze, but you nodded, swallowing hard. “I... I just—”

He didn’t let you finish. His grip on your neck remained firm as his free hand slid up your thigh again, spreading you out even further beneath him. “So what?” he murmured, leaning in close, his breath warm against your ear. “You think that changes anything?”

Your heart pounded as his lips brushed against the shell of your ear, his voice taking on a deeper, more commanding edge. “You want this, don’t you?”

You nodded quickly, unable to form words, and his smirk deepened.

“Good,” he said softly, almost mockingly. “Then I’ll make sure your first time is something you’ll *never* forget.”

He didn’t wait for a reply. His lips crashed against yours again, hungry and consuming, stealing the breath from your lungs. His kisses grew rougher, more possessive, as though he was claiming you in every sense of the word.

When he finally pulled away, your chest was heaving, your lips swollen, and he wasted no time. His mouth trailed down the curve of your jaw, leaving open-mouthed kisses that turned into light nips. His tongue soothed each bite, sending shivers down your spine as he moved lower, down the column of your throat.

“You’re mine now,” he murmured against your skin, his voice dark and dripping with authority. “You understand that, don’t you?”

“Y-yes,” you whispered, your voice trembling with both nervousness and desire.

His kisses continued, his teeth grazing over the soft curve of your collarbone before he bit down gently, just enough to make you gasp. The sharpness of it sent a jolt through your body, and you arched into him, your hands clutching at his shoulders.

“Such a good girl,” he muttered, the praise making your stomach flip as he moved lower. His lips and teeth marked a path down your body, every kiss, every bite leaving a faint bloom of heat behind. He was methodical, deliberate, as though he wanted to cover every inch of your skin.

When he reached your hips, his hands gripped your thighs, spreading them further apart as he settled himself between them. His lips ghosted over the sensitive skin of your inner thighs, his breath warm and teasing.

“Right here,” he murmured, his voice dark with promise as his fingers gripped your leg firmly, keeping you pinned in place. “This is where you’re going to feel me the most. Where I’m going to leave my mark.”

You gasped softly, and before you could respond, his teeth sank into the tender skin of your inner thigh, hard enough to sting but not enough to hurt. The sensation was intoxicating, his tongue soothing the bite immediately after, and the combination left you trembling beneath him.

San pulled back slightly, his lips curving into a satisfied smirk as he looked up at you. “You’re already shaking,” he teased, his hands gripping your hips to hold you steady. “You’re going to fall apart for me, sweetheart. And you’re going to love every second of it.”

Your hands instinctively found their way to his hair, your fingers tangling in the soft strands as he hovered over your inner thighs, his breath ghosting over the sensitive skin. The way he teased you—his lips brushing so close but never where you wanted them—had your body trembling with anticipation.

San chuckled softly, the sound vibrating against your skin as he tilted his head up to look at you. His smirk was infuriatingly smug, his dark eyes gleaming with amusement.

“Impatient, huh?” he drawled, his voice low and teasing as he gave your thigh a gentle squeeze. “Can’t wait to have me, can you?”

You whimpered softly, your grip on his hair tightening just enough to pull a satisfied laugh from him.

“Alright, sweetheart,” he murmured, his tone darkening as he settled himself between your legs. “I won’t make you wait any longer. Let’s see how loud I can make you.”

And with that, he dove in.

His lips pressed against your clit, hot and unrelenting, and a sharp gasp escaped your lips as your back arched off the mattress. The first touch of his tongue was slow and deliberate, a languid stroke that left you breathless.

San wasted no time after that, his mouth working against it with a precision that had your head spinning. His hands gripped your thighs, keeping you pinned in place as he devoured you, his tongue flicking and swirling in ways that sent shivers racing down your spine.

“You taste so good,” he murmured against you, his voice muffled but still thick with satisfaction. “Even better than I imagined.”

You couldn’t respond—not with the way he was overwhelming your senses, reducing you to gasps and whimpers as he found every sensitive spot. Your hands tightened in his hair, and he groaned at the pressure, the vibrations only adding to the fire building inside you.

San pulled back just enough to press a kiss against your inner thigh, his lips swollen and glistening. “Don’t hold back,” he murmured, his voice rough and commanding. “I want to hear everything. Every moan, every gasp—let me hear how much you need me.”

And then he was back, his mouth and tongue relentless as he brought you closer and closer to the edge, his grip on your thighs tightening as your body started to tremble beneath him. You couldn’t think, couldn’t breathe, couldn’t do anything but surrender completely to the way he consumed you, his name falling from your lips like a prayer.

Your body trembled beneath him, the overwhelming waves of pleasure crashing through you as you cried out his name, your hands still tangled in his hair. San didn’t stop until your body went slack against the mattress, leaving you breathless, your chest heaving as you tried to catch your breath.

But he wasn’t done—not even close.

“Look at you,” he murmured, pulling back just enough to survey the sight of you sprawled beneath him, still shaking from the aftermath. His voice was low, rough, and dripping with satisfaction. “So pretty when you fall apart for me.”

Before you could respond, San moved with the kind of precision that left no room for resistance. His hands gripped your hips firmly, flipping you over onto your stomach in one fluid motion. A startled gasp escaped you, but it was quickly muffled as he pressed your face into the mattress, one hand splayed across the back of your neck, holding you in place.

“Don’t think we’re done yet,” he growled, his voice dark and commanding as he leaned over you. The heat of his bare chest against your back sent shivers down your spine, and you felt him press his hips into you, letting you feel just how ready he was.

Your heart raced as his free hand slid down your side, gripping your waist possessively. He leaned in closer, his lips brushing against your ear as he whispered, “I hope you’re ready, sweetheart, because I’m not holding back… at all.”

His teeth grazed your earlobe, and you whimpered softly, your body arching instinctively beneath him. His voice dropped lower, the words sending a thrill through you as he murmured, “You’re mine now. Every inch of you. And I’m going to make sure you *feel* it.”

The blunt heat of him pressed against your cunt, and before you could even brace yourself, he pushed into you in one smooth, unrelenting motion. The stretch burned, but the pleasure quickly overwhelmed it, and you cried out, muffled against the mattress as he filled you completely.

San groaned low in his throat, his fingers digging into your hips as he pulled back slightly, only to slam back in with a force that made your entire body jolt. “Perfect,” he muttered, his voice rough and thick with lust as he set a relentless pace. “You feel even better than I imagined.”

The sound of skin against skin filled the room, each thrust drawing gasps and moans from you that only seemed to spur him on. He leaned over you, pressing his chest to your back as he buried himself deeper, his lips brushing against your ear.

“Take it,” he growled, his voice dripping with authority. “Every. Fucking. Inch.”

Your head spun, your senses overwhelmed by the rough, unyielding way he moved against you. His hand slid from your hip to your throat, pulling you up slightly so he could press his lips to your shoulder, his teeth sinking into your skin to leave yet another mark.

“You’re mine,” he muttered again, his voice ragged as his thrusts grew even harder, each one sending shockwaves through your body. “Say it. Say you’re mine.”

“I-I'm yours..! ,” you gasped, your voice trembling as you clung to the sheets, completely lost in him.

“Good girl.. or should I say..” he murmured, his grip tightening as he drove you both closer and closer to the edge, his pace never faltering, never giving you a moment to catch your breath, “good slut?”.

His words made your cunt tighten around him, a grunt escaping his throat.

San’s pace didn’t let up for a moment, his grip firm on your waist as he powerfully ounded into you, every thrust driving you closer to another earth-shattering release. Your body trembled beneath him, overwhelmed by the intensity of it all, and he could feel the way you tightened around him, your breaths coming in ragged gasps.

“That’s it,” he growled against your ear, his voice rough and commanding as he reached one hand between your legs, his fingers finding the spot that made you jolt… your swollen clit. “Give me one more, sweetheart. Come for me again. Let me feel you.”

The combination of his relentless thrusts and the way his fingers worked you had you teetering on the edge in seconds. Your cries grew louder, the tension coiling in your stomach until it finally snapped, a powerful wave of pleasure crashing through you as you screamed his name.

“San!” you sobbed, your body shaking violently as your orgasm ripped through you, leaving you breathless and trembling beneath him.

He groaned low in his throat, his thrusts growing erratic as he chased his own. “That’s my girl,” he muttered, his grip tightening as he buried himself deep inside you, his hips stuttering as he reached his peak.

A guttural moan escaped his lips as he spilled into you, the warmth of his cum filling you completely. He didn’t pull out right away, instead leaning over you, his chest pressing against your back as he kissed your shoulder, his breath hot and uneven.

“You’re incredible,” he murmured, his lips brushing against your damp skin. “You took me so well, sweetheart. Screaming my name like that... you’re so fucking perfect.”

You whimpered softly, still trembling from the aftershocks, and he smirked, his voice dropping to a darker, dirtier tone. “Bet you loved having me ruin you like this. Didn’t you, baby? All that talk about wanting to be manhandled—looks like you got exactly what you wanted.”

Before you could respond, his hand slid to your neck, gripping you firmly as he pulled you upright, your back pressing against his chest. The move made you gasp, your head falling back against his shoulder as he tilted your chin up to meet his gaze, his cock still deep inside you.

“That’s what you get for leaving your little journal unattended,” he growled, his smirk sharp and satisfied as he stared into your eyes. “I bet you loved every fucking second of it. Didn’t you?”

Your lips trembled, but you managed a breathless, “Y-yes… y-es I did..”

San’s grin widened, and he leaned in to press a lingering kiss to your temple, his grip on your neck softening as his free hand wrapped around your waist, pulling you close. “Good girl,” he murmured, his voice softer now but still carrying that edge of dominance.

He held you there for a moment, his arms wrapped tightly around you, his breath warm against your ear. “You’re mine,” he whispered, his tone gentler now, though no less possessive. “Every inch of you.”

Your hands came up to rest over his, your body leaning into his embrace as you whispered, “Always yours.”

San let out a satisfied hum, holding you close as the heat of the moment began to fade, replaced by a warmth that felt just as overwhelming. “That’s my girl,” he said softly, his lips pressing against your hair as he held you, his arms never loosening.

NETWORKS:

@blossomnet

@illusionnet

PERMANENT TAGLIST:

[joaosnovia]

day 2 or 3 (pls lmk which) of sending joao reqs daily ::

WHAT IF you do one where joao is like kinda down at practice and he's not as energetic as usual and basically kinda being sleepy and sluggish ykyk

but then as SOON as he spots reader in the stands, my bro gets a sudden burst of energy from idk where like he is RUNNING at lighting speed, SCORING goals, etc...

so like everyone (teammates, coaches, etc..) are confused bc he was sluggish asl like two secs ago. then they look around and see that he disappeared off the pitch and is standing by the stands yapping to reader like tryna impress her and stuff yk?

up to you if they're together or if they're like crushing on each other?? idk yeah i trust you with it !! this was kinda shit but i took inspo from one of my joao c.ai bots

❦ - sorte.

warnings:: none.

writers notes:: ROUND OF APPLAUSE FOR ME BECAUSE IVE ACTUALLY BRANG MYSELF AROUND TO FORMAT THESE MOTHERFUCKERS AND ILL POST THEM IN ORDER 💔.

tags:: @barcapix @n0vazsq @httpsdana @paucubarsisimp @universefcb @mariejuli

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

it was another typical practice day, but something felt off. joão, usually full of energy and enthusiasm, was dragging his feet across the field. his usual charisma was nowhere to be found, and today, his drills were slow, almost sluggish. he yawned halfway through a pass, barely making it to the next marker. the energy around him seemed to dim as his teammates exchanged confused glances.

‘what’s up with him?’ one of them muttered, watching joão drag his feet. ‘he’s barely moving out there today.’

‘don’t know,’ another teammate replied, watching him half-heartedly chase after the ball. ‘maybe he’s tired. he’s been a bit off lately.’

coach watched from the sidelines, brow furrowed. he called out to joão, but his voice seemed lost in the haze of exhaustion that hung over him. joão gave a half hearted wave, signaling that he was okay, but it was obvious to everyone that he wasn’t.

just as coach was about to pull him aside for a quick chat, joão did something unexpected. his eyes shifted upwards, scanning the stands, and that’s when he saw you.

you were sitting there, casually leaning against the rail, watching the practice with a calm smile on your face. it was the way the sunlight hit your hair that made him freeze for a moment, as if everything around him stopped. suddenly, his exhaustion disappeared, replaced by a jolt of energy he hadn’t felt all day.

without even realizing it, he stood up straighter, his body vibrating with a sudden surge of energy. his tired movements were replaced by fluid, fast steps. the sluggishness was gone in an instant, as if someone had flicked a switch in his mind. his teammates stared in confusion as joão's speed picked up. he was sprinting down the field, dodging defenders left and right, his footwork impeccable.

‘wait, was that joão?’ one of the teammates asked, eyes wide as they watched him move at lightning speed. ‘wasn’t he just… completely out of it a second ago?’

in mere seconds, joão was at the goal, weaving around the goalkeeper with ease. he sent the ball flying into the back of the net, and the entire team froze in awe.

‘what just happened?’ another teammate muttered. ‘he was practically half-asleep a minute ago, and now he’s playing like this?’

but joão didn’t seem to care about the confusion. he was too focused on the one thing that mattered, you. with a grin on his face, he jogged towards the sideline, leaving his teammates in disbelief. they were still standing there, watching him with their jaws dropped as he sprinted off the pitch.

the coach called after him, but joão wasn’t listening. he was already making his way to the stands, jogging over to where you were sitting. his heart was racing in a way that had nothing to do with the sprint he’d just made. when he reached the rail, he leaned over, grinning like a schoolboy.

‘hey,’ he said, trying to catch his breath. ‘so… how did i do?’

you raised an eyebrow, a soft smile tugging at your lips as you looked up at him. ‘you’re asking me? you just made an amazing goal out there.’

‘well,’ he said, leaning in a little closer, ‘i was kind of distracted…’ he flashed you a playful grin, his eyes glinting with mischief. ‘but now that i’m here, i’m feeling pretty good.’

you laughed softly, shaking your head. ‘you’re something else, joão. i don’t know how you do it.’

he shrugged nonchalantly, still standing in front of you. ‘what can i say? sometimes a little bit of motivation can make a big difference.’

you chuckled, feeling your heart flutter at the way he was looking at you. his usual confidence was replaced by something else now, something softer, more endearing.

‘so,’ joão continued, eyes sparkling, ‘i think i need a proper celebration for that goal… maybe dinner later? what do you think?’

you smiled, your heart warming at his attempt to impress you. ‘sounds good to me,’ you said, your voice teasing. ‘but you might want to stay focused next time. you were looking a little sleepy out there earlier.’

‘i’ll be better next time,’ he promised with a wink, ‘especially if i know you’ll be watching.’

and with that, you both shared a quiet moment, the noise of the practice fading into the background as joão stood there, grinning like a fool, knowing that his energy had never come from the game, it came from you.

[slytherinshua]

I CAN RELATE OMG SOME OF THE FICS IVE WRITTEN IM LIKE DAMN THATS RLY SMTH SKJDKSDJKS 😭�� like i wrote one for soohyun, a character from the kdrama at a distance spring is green. and his character is always overworking and NEVER has time to sleep cause of his million part time jobs and uni and i just made reader force him to have nap time like he was in kindergarten or smth LMAO SKDJKS BUT IT WAS SO ADORABLE I KEPT REREADING IT CAUSE I WAS SO WHIPPED FOR HIM IN MY OWN FIC 💀

omg that would be soooo cute if you decided to write that!! like imagine so mun seeing reader do some rly fancy sparkly pink makeup some day and hes like "i wanna try" SO HE TRIES TO DO HER MAKEUP????? THATS SO ADORABLE HELP ME???? or like reader forcing so mun to do couple outfits, so now so mun is stuck his whole day doing outings with the brightest pink sweater on AND HE LOOKS PERFECT IN IT SKDKDKJK but he loves matching sm, he'll find other pink things to match with

lmao omg i remember my brother and dad watching marvel films in maybe like... 2014??? and i was so little but i watched them too cause I LIKED HANGING OUT WITH MY DAD BACK THEN LMAOKJSDKF

but i seriously read way too much marvel fanfic like idk the superhero thing just tickles the right spot in my brain or maybe its just cause i love nurse trope so DAMN much and it happens so often when you have one of them who is out there fighting evil ppl 😭 PLS NURSE TROPE IS JUST SO WARM AND SOFT AND FLUFFY AND SHFUY*(@#&^R*Y#@*(EUHIWU ALL-TIME FAVE TROPE????

AND OMGOMGOMG THE FANCASTING OF THE MARAUDERS OMFG I USED TO READ SO MUCH REMUS FANFIC CAUSE YEAH ANDREW IS RLY RLY FINE AS HELL. like i would occasionally read sirius fanfic too but it was 98% remus i can't lie 😭

WINTER SOLDIER HOLY SHIT NO SJDFHIU*Y@)#R$^T&*GY@U#IHUEI#U(@F)E*Y#(&*VWGIH I WAS (STILL AM) FUCKING DOWN BAD FOR HIM NO NO HES JUST SO HSIUFY@*(&#*$FUHWJV PLS JUST EVERYTHING ABT HIM AND THE WAY HE WOULD CALL YOU "DOLL" AND PLUMS AND HES SO FINE AND SO OLD SCHOOL GENTLEMAN CAUSE OF GROWING UP IN THE 1930S BRO I JUST LOVE HIM SO MUCH

my favs are probably peter, bucky, steve (but like it depends cause why does he look extra fine with his beard like idkkkk his later character looks and outfits >>> but general yes on any day), loki all the way ive read sm for loki (I keep telling ppl im writing jeonghan as loki but i still have barely made a dent in that fic BUT ITLL HAPPEN I HAVE SO MANY THINGS THATLL HAPPEN EVENTUALLY. and picturing jeonghan as loki made me and my friends think of all the svt members as mcu characters and damn that was fun lmao), VISION OML MY BABY ROBOT HUSBAND SWEETHEART, and ofc i can't do vision without wanda i love that couple sm, also like sam???? sam wilson???? falcon????? i love him just cause hes so fucking funny esp him and bucky together PLS I LOVE THAT DUO I WAS LIVING EVERY EP OF TFATWS THEYRE SO PERFECT

that is so valid pls ksjdhfksdj i need to watch it i wanna watch it so badly like the animation is so pretty and I JUST KNOW ITLL SLAY WAY TOO HARD

....whyd you just describe the first scene of the fic 💀 ATP YOULL BE PREDICTING THE ENTIRE FIC SKDJKS BUT SERIOUSLY THAT IS THE FIRST SCENE JUST HER WEBBING UP A LEVEL 3 LMAO AND THEYRE ALL DUMBFOUNDED 😭 PLS I LOVE THEM

OMGOMG PLS THE KISS IM GONE LIKE IF SHE LEFT THEM LYING SOMEWHERE SO MUN WOULD DEF DO THAT SHDI(*@#($&*@#F IM NOT OKAY THATS SO CUTE WTF

for me with fandoms, obv kpop, kdramas, marvel, harry potter, avatar the last airbender, steven universe, jjk, some others im probably forgetting abt but just mainly the first 4 at least those are the only ones i read/write fanfic for consistently. its so ironic how my username is slytherinshua but i still don't think ive successfully written a harry potter au (there's been like 20 in my drafts i swear), plus my old taehyun harry potter au BOOK that is currently waiting to be rewritten cause its so shit. but i wanna write all these aus for fandom crossover CAUSE I LIVE FOR THAT ITS ONE OF THE BEST THINGS ABT BEING A FANFIC WRITER

OMG PLS I LOVE UR HAIR SM ITS SO CUTE!!! AND UR MAKEUP??? SO PRETTY UR SO SO PRETTY IMSALO 🫶🫶🫶 i'm zanna :) also a scorpio lmao look at that our birthdays are coming soon 💪 i love purple or burgundy like those rich wine colors oml they're so pretty to me. fav food probably lasagna?? or spanakopita or tomato soup with grilled cheese <3 fav drink lemonade omg esp fruity lemonades like raspberry or strawberry 💗💗💗 and im canadian-american living in canada!! also my discord is zanna.exe in case you have it and want to add me to talk on there!! <333333

just told my friend that she needed to read ur so mun head canon and relived the DEVASTATION OF IT TOGETHER

also i keep wanting to write a fic for the scene where so mun tells reader that hes a counter from the head canon ^^ like when hes crying :( so if i randomly post that one day its been in my brain ever since i first read it sdkjsk

OMG ZANNA ITS A HONOUR THAT MY FAVOURITE SO MUN WRITER IS RECOMMENDING MY FIC LIKE YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH I LOVE YOUR WRITING SWEETHEART!!

But yes ofc omg do continue on that but bc that was just a small idea that came to my brain and I would love to see that idea worked more on! I’ll be the first to read it and always be your top fan girl bubba!!!

ALSO I WAS STALLING YOUR ACCOUNT AND REREADING FICS AND CAME ACROSS THAT SPIDER ANON’S FIC AND OMG IM SO EXCITED TO READ THAT ONEKDHSKSHSID

IM LIKE SUCH A BIG MARVEL NERD AND AFTER WATCHING THE ACROSS THE SPIDERVERSE FILM IM CONVINCED THAT SPIDERWOMAN!READER IS THE SPIDERMAN IN THE UNCANNY COUNTER UNIVERSE (yknow like there are multiple Spider-Man’s and women in the multiverse)

ANYWAYS IM GETTING SIDETRACKED BUT YES IM EXCITED TO READ A NEW FIC BY YOU AGAIN!!

LOVE YOU ZANNIE (your new nickname by me)!!😚🫶🏻

(To y’all who haven’t read my So Mun headcanon’s it’s here)

[missmushroombby]

someone post the ride the cyclone slime tutorial on yt NOW

[sillyblues]

the ocean and the wind. (6)

ੈ✩‧₊˚ synopsis: tonowari is the ocean and ronal is the wind. where does it leave you?

ੈ✩‧₊˚ notes: yooo i'm so sorry for the super late update, school got me tied up again aksldnakjd i speedran writing this so if there's any mistakes i am so sorry!! anyways the next part will be the last part and can i just say holy shit??? totw is finally ending and i gen don't know how to feel about this. anyways ive read so much of your replies and i am so honoured and flattered that many of you love this story! i am kissing your forehead as you read this btw xoxo as usual, pls let me know your thoughts and which parts were your favourite! till next time!!

part 1 ✩ part 2 ✩ part 3 ✩ part 4 ✩ part 5 ✩ part 6 (here!) ✩ part 7 (final part)

Tonowari is at a loss as he watches you ignore him once more. He talked to you before, he asked you where you had been as you seemingly disappeared into thin air for a couple of weeks. He could not see even a glimpse of your hair and the days without you, his head swam in concern and worry. Have you gone sick? Were you okay? Did something happen? 

As the days without any news from gone by, he grew more distracted from his classes and it was the same for Ronal as well. She grew more anxious and distressed as days went by, and without a proper outlet to let it all out, she grew more emotionally unstable. They could only comfort each other but not once has the turbulence in their heart disappear from the thought of you.

When the news of you that you had gotten sick, he felt helpless. He wanted to come into your home and check in on how you were doing, to be by your side and take care of you in any way he and Ronal can, but your mother had not allowed it. He contemplated sneaking inside your pod to at least see you but there he could not disobey the Healer of the clan. So he sighs inside his heart and with a strained smile, he thanks your mother for the news and offered his best wishes for you to get well soon. When he told Ronal of the news, she frowned deeply and huffed. He watched her gather medicinal herbs and nutritious berries before she gripped them hard in her fist and tears welled in her eyes.

“[Name]... I want to see her,” she said in a brittle voice, her face contorted with longing and anguish for you. Tonowari grabbed her face with both of his hands and pushed the hair out of her face.

“I know,” he leaned his forehead against hers and looks at her straight in the eyes. Her tears slipped and rolled down her cheeks silently and his heart broke apart at the sight of her in pain. Helplessness crept up and weigh his heavy heart down once again. Now, Ronal was hurting and there was nothing he could do. “[Name] is strong. We’ll see them back in no time and they will be healthy when they return.”

“And when they do, they will know of the worry we have for them. The painful agony without them and they will laugh at us, tease us at how much of a baby we two are. They will say how we are just giant children that never really aged with how we cannot handle being without them.” He promised her, promised himself, that everything would be okay and would soon return to normal. Ronal let out a snort and she hid in his embrace.

“They will know of the adoration we have for them,” he whispered against her forehead and kissed the top of her head. Fear comes back and it fills his lungs dark blue. But his passion for you outweighs any of his doubts and suddenly he found himself able to breathe underwater. “We will them of beautiful they are, how they fill us with Atokirina. How much love we carry and drown for her. When [Name] returns, they will finally see how we see them.”

“When [Name] returns.” Ronal murmured against his chest with finality.

Hope swelled in Tonowari’s chest but reality burst it open. When he finally saw you again, relief and joy takes away the heavy weight from his shoulders. When he and Ronal came up to you, they were glad they could finally see you and take the Iknimaya with you. However, they were still worried if you were truly well enough to complete the ritual. But that type of worry soon turned into worry about what have they done wrong for you to avoid them.

You weren’t being the usual you, they noticed. Your happy and cheery aura was nowhere to be seen. Your usual rambles turned into small and curt replies. Your genuine smile turned into one he could not recognize anymore as it did not reach your cheeks. You did not see them anymore. He watched you excuse yourself to your other friends and leave him weak and with so much pain. He watched you the whole time during Iknimaya as you avoided his yearning gazes. He watched you as you continued to hurt him unknowingly, or perhaps you did without giving him and Ronal to ask you why. 

You do not see him anymore.

Now, he looks at you, you who is so alluring as you stand underneath the Cove of Ancestors, adorned with the garments your parents had knitted you that fit you so well and your freshly inked chest that represents your big heart that cared for everyone to which he desperately hopes that he and Ronal are included. The bioluminescent Spirit Tree underwater glows so brightly that it still shines on you. Eywa’s creations swims and streaks of light kisses your skin and he could only think how you leave him breathless of your beauty. He finds himself jealous of the water that you stand in and is closer and touches you the way he wants to be with you.

He recalls how you two promised back then that you two would complete your coming-of-age ceremony together and you two did, just not the way he thought it would. Why do you not see him anymore? Do you hate him? Had he done something wrong? Tonowari wanted to beg you and if he has to be on his knees, he will do so without hesitation as long as you tell him and he will do anything for you to see him once more. But he is the Olo’eyktan’s son, the future chief and has an image to show to everyone, as his father tells him every second. But what use is of his position without you?

Ronal grips his hand and looks at him with worry. He presses his lips into a flat lip, a horrible attempt to send her a smile to ease her concerns for him. She squeezes his hand thrice and his heart throbs at the thought of you.

He remembers how you ignored him before and how everything was just like back then. How you avoided him so and how he thought how you must have despised him. How much pain you gave him in months of you pretending he does not exist. You’re so cruel. So, so cruel. What if this time, you truly despise him now? What if he is nothing to you anymore? Can he take it? Can he truly take it and accept a future without you?

Tonowari’s face is suddenly caressed by Ronal. He looks at her in confusion and she just pushes the hair out of his face.

“When they return, they will know of the adoration we have for them,” she says quietly yet her yearning for you that he also feels is apparent, “We will them of beautiful they are, how they fill us with Atokirina. How much love we carry and drown for her.”

She says what he promised her word for word and he chuckles. He catches her hands and he kisses the knuckles of one of her hands. He squeezes the other hand thrice and finishes his promise to her.

“When [Name] returns, they will finally see how we see them.” No. He cannot just accept that you despise him now without telling him any reason why. He cannot just accept that he is nothing to you so easily. He does not want months of avoidance to happen again and perhaps turn into years of pretending he and Ronal does not exist. He will not give in to the voices that cloud his head for he knows you and you could never hate him. You care about him and Ronal too much and he wishes that it is the same care he and her have for you. Even if he did, he will not risk losing the chance of losing you and a future with you because he loves you. Ronal loves you.

“I see you,” he says to Ronal with eyes full of gratefulness that she snapped him out of his spiralling thoughts and love for her.

“I see you,” she replies with the same eyes that make his heart skip a beat. 

He just hopes that you still see both of them and see them the way they see you.

.

.

.

You are cruel. So, so cruel, Ronal thought as she watches you ignore her. When she talked to you after your disappearance, you acted like there was a barrier between the two of you. You placed a vast distance from her and it tore her heart, clawed it open and you left her to bleed so openly when you left and you didn’t even look back once. The pain from the worry and agony for your safety turned into a burning one that fills her lungs with smoke. Why? What did she do for you to despise being in her presence? Has she scared you as well? Have you grown tired of her as well?

She thought this time would be different. That you would be different. That she has finally found love in Tonowari and you and everything will be all and well. That she wouldn’t hurt anyone again, especially you who is one of the most beloved to her. Was everything a lie then? You said that this time would be different. You said that you were here for her. You said you see her. Was it all just a lie?

No, she silently scoffs to herself. She knows you and she sees you. You are kind. You have a big heart. You see everyone. Perhaps you just didn’t see her anymore. Perhaps it was truly her fault that made you turn away from her just like everybody else.

Disgusting. And so, so pathetic. Had she really not learned anything at all? How could she do that to you unknowingly? How could she hurt you, you who is one of the most precious to her? She does not deserve you, you who is so bright and so full of life and love and all she had done is hurt you. Is this Eywa’s punishment for her? For all the sins she had done in the past, all to return and come back to return in the name of [Name]?

“This time will be different, Ronal.” You said, bringing her face in front of yours. You wiped away her tears and assured her. “I’m here for you.”

“I see you.”

Your words ran through Rona’s mind and oh, despite it all, she still wants you. She still believes that you are different. She still believes that you still see her. She would never give up on you just like you had never given up on her when she didn’t want you to see her. She looks at you in your ethereal beauty that knocks the air out of her and she feels herself falling in love again. You stand there like Eywa’s most treasured creation of all time with the way all of life surrounds you. She looks at the three beads you hold in the palm of your hands and wonders if she and Tonowari would be a part of your waytelem. She finds herself envying the wind that ripples through your hair and clothes and is closer and touches you the way he wants to be with you.

And so, she tells Tonowari and tells him how you will know the wind and the ocean that carries their love for you and grips Tonowari’s hand and would not let him give up on you as well.

“Greetings, brother, Ronal,” a friend of Tonowari’s suddenly cut off her thoughts she lets go of Tonowari’s hand. She nods at him while he greeted him back.

“To what do I owe the pleasure of having my brother here before me?” Tonowari chuckles.

“I just wanted to give you my congratulations for completing Iknimaya, our future Olo’eyktan,” his friend grins to him and nods at her, “And of course, our future Tsahìk.”

She frowns at this. What future Tsahìk? She was not aware of this nor the Tsahìk had personally told her of this. She looks at Tonowari with a questioning gaze.

“Future Tsahìk? When did you learn of this?” his eyebrows press into a flat line while his ears twitched.

“Everyone knows this, brother. In fact, we are all surprised [Name] wasn’t chosen,” he told them and realization dawns on Ronal. Do you know of this as well? Is this the reason why you were avoiding them?

Ronal looks at Tonowari with wide eyes. Tonowari grips her hand and looks at her and tells her with his eyes that they both need to talk to you quickly. Perhaps his friend had sensed that there was something wrong as he apologized and asked if he was in the wrong.

“No, no, thank you for telling me this, brother,” Tonowari pats his shoulder and sends him a strained smile, “I’m sorry but Ronal and I need to go now. I will make it up to you soon.”

She and he nods at him before they go to where you were before. You were not there anymore. Panic swells in her chest as the seconds go by she could not see you. She sees a common friend you and her shared and she quickly calls her over.

“Greetings, Ronal and Tonowari. Congratulations on your Iknimaya!” she beams at her.

“Greetings. I’m sorry but there is an urgent matter I need to attend to. Have you seen [Name]?” she hastily says and concern quickly washes over her friend’s face.

“Oh, I think she left early. Why, had something happened?”

“Thank you. There is just something we need to talk to her. I’ll see you soon.” She nods at her and calls for Ilus nearby. As they swim towards her and Tonowari, she cannot help but the questions that plague her mind. What if they were too late and you refuse to hear them out? What if you hate them for the betrayal you must have felt? What if—

“Ronal,” Tonowari grabs caresses her face with one hand and squeezes her hand with another. “Deep breaths. Breathe.”

She looks at him, frustration welling up in her eyes and she bites her lip. “[Name] sees you. She sees us.”

“What if she doesn’t anymore?” she asks the question that gives them immense pain to even think about. What if? What then?

Tonowar’s eyes soften and he tries to hide his flinch. He is silent and both of them could only cling desperately to the hope that you still do.

Oh, Eywa, she begs, Please help them see our innermost thoughts and the sincerity we have in our souls.

Please let them know of the wind and the ocean that calls out their name.

Please let them still see us.

series-taglist: (tumblr won't let me tag some blogs so if you changed your username, please lmk!) @totesnothere04 @ducks118 @narutoboi @yeosxxx @fanboyluvr @ladylovegood-69 @northsoulss @thatfictionalwh0re @ghostlyworld @toodaloo432 @lovefromjazzy @greendino7 @neteyamforlife @vermilionzombie @vxncxntt @adaiasafira @tsuteysyawntu @mooniequeen @eywas-heir @arminsgfloll @dev1lm4n @myh3artttt @thehoneymushroomhealer @delightcandlelight @shadowmoonlight0604 @dae-dreamer @buttercup-beeee

[threepointseven]

allow me to join them in celestia, your highness

🌺summary!🌺- These 2 fatui harbingers are ordered to kill you by the tsaritsa, what do they do? How do they react?

Type- HC’s 🌷

Flowers included!🌼= childe x gn! Reader, scaramouche x gn! Reader

Note🍀= i play favorites okay🙄🙄 scaramouche loml <3 anyways i had this idea today in school and i just finished getting stitches after my car crash so what better way to celebrate then a self indulgent genshin angst! also ive been getting no genshin requests which makes me so sad since i love writing for it so please if u have any genshin requests pls feel free to ask!

Scaramouche

10 days before the assassination of his fiancé occurred. He was called in front of the tsaritsa herself

“I need you to kill Y/N L/N.”

When he heard those words come out of her mouth everything froze, the air around him went colder than the tsaritsa’s own vision as he slightly lifted his head up.

His eyes looked shocked, scared, terrified almost.

It was the first time scaramouches subordinates had ever seen him so terrified.

Sweat rolled down his chin and his calm arrogant composure shifted

“I-i believe you may have the wrong person your highness, Y/N has not done anything wrong, they’re but a normal citizen-!”

“In 10 days time, Kill them.”

The tsaritsa’s voice spread frost around the room as scaramouche was pressured to submit.

“Yes.. your highness.”

you can see the pitiful faces that wash over the fatui’s that were watching, the balladeer completely ignored the whispers and the looks of sympathy as he takes his shaken body out of the throne room.

He has 10 days. Within those 10 days he showed you affection like no other

He was kind to you, never letting any sort of hostility out of his mouth when with you.

When he thought about how he was going to have your blood on his hands he immediately went on the verge of a meltdown.

He started letting himself be more vulnerable around you.

Everything you wanted he’d get you. It didnt matter how much mora it costes he’d get you it.

“Scara? Whats up..? Why have you been so.. gentle lately?”

“N-Nonsense.. i havent been doing anything of the sort!”

he scowls then takes you in his arms.

During the night he was supposed to kill you it was a peaceful day, you were cuddling on the bed and you fell asleep.

Tears flew out of his eyes while he pointed his electro at your neck.

the moment he felt your heart stop beating, he couldnt stand it. He had blood on his hands and not just any blood your blood.

As he shows the tsaritsa your dead body he goes into a fit of rage once he’s alone. Blaming you blaming everyone for your death.

How dare you leave him all alone in this cruel world without your warmth and without your kindness?! How dare you give him that feeling of euphoria and leave him like that!

There were multiple nights where he was tempted to meet you in celestia, multiple nights where he pointed an electro laced sword at his neck, just so he could see your smiling face again.

Childe

when he first hears the tsaritsa say that he’s been ordered to kill you he thinks it’s a joke.

“Ahaha! T-that’s a funny joke your highness”

“In 10 days, Kill them. I will not repeat it.

he looks like he saw a ghost and walks out of the throne room half shaking

The moment he sees you he pulls you into a big hug, peppering your face with butterfly kisses

You think he’s just being extra affectionate but he’s really just trying to savour your warmth.

He loves you more than anything and he’d set the world on fire for you but when it comes to the tsarist who knows what’s impulsive reckless mind might do?

During the 10 days he does everything with you and gives anything to you

He starts giving you everything you’ve ever dreamed of using his mora

Ignored all his extra missions and spends time with you. He priorities your little dates and you.

He also introduces you to his family, he wants you to know them before your gone…

His eyes turn glassy as he sees you and teucer playing in the snezhnayan snow,

“ your extra affectionate today~”

“Hmmm? Whats so wrong about loving my beloved fiance !”

he says his cheesy lines as he starts regretting even involving himself with the tsaritsa..

The night he’s supposed to kill you, you fell asleep with teucer leaning on a tree after tiring yourself out playing tag and such

“Teucer, why don’t you go inside bud?”

Childe whispers and urges teucer to go inside so he doesn’t find out that the blood stained snow he sees tomorrow in his backyard is because of his big brother.

He cant bring himself to point his blades at your sleeping face and ends up breaking down.

Just as the morning sun threatens to rise he only then puts his hydro blades to your neck, crying as he makes your death painless.

He lives with the guilt everyday as he gives his subordinates your cold dead body.

He can barely live life without your warmth and regrets it. He wishes he could turn back time, he wishes he would’ve just ran away with you and quit everything.

His soft giddy nature takes a major downfall and he looks like a corpse waiting to be killed, even the great balladeer pities the man at times.

Requests open!

[antimonyandthyme]

'until some tragic thing happens'...

Athy pls no don't do that/j

But imagine, seb and max being dynamic duo (their drift compatibility is holding record at shatterdom), max coming out of his shell, actually making effort to be with people (team playing, learning about their habits etc) and seb finally letting his accident go (visiting his friend's grave, holding max's hand (max is trying not to think how small seb's hand is))

oh oh 'until some tragic thing happens' like... like kaiju attack. not your typical kaiju attack bc they never attacked together before, always alone. but not this time. max and seb dealt with first monster but much smaller but sneakier one got behind and strikes them right in the middle, max got a hit at his head and lost consciousness for a moment, seb immediately understand what he had to do. it is tricky, to hold jaeger on your own without your partner, seb almost lost consciousness himself but he can't. he can't lose max, he won't survive it. so he dispatched max from jaeger and send him away, away from battle but in his moment of weakness he didn't close the drift. he wants to feel max right before his last breath.

imagine max waking up to news that his partner, his one and only partner, is dead trying to save him. no he screams, no he cries, no he muttered. shatterdom staff let him grieve (after all seb was beloved by many)

days come and go, max still grieves. he isn't laying down no, he is training like never before, he doesn't talk with his peers, he almost live in church, asking, begging for something he know he would never take. but something isn't right. something buzzing him at back of his mind. one day it came to him.

oh. the drift never closed. max never felt seb's death.

hope is dangerous thing but max could deal with danger. he said, asked, demanded, begged and head of shatterdom let the order to find a man. make it lowkey, search for a man (or his body) in hospitals, morgues etc.

max in his dreams started to search for that buzzing thing in his head, trying to call seb ('father, forgive me for thinking you would leave me'), it is so soft and making that noise like bees do. he is holding on that, knowing that seb would be delighted how max's end of bond looks like. max wonders how his end would look like. he can't wait until he asks the man himself.

searches went and came back, there is one man, who fits all signs and lays on hospital bed. max never run to car so fast in his life.

okay idk what am i doing but your line about some tragic event really make me think

Athy, i love all your /check notes/ 5 pacific rim aus (especially can't wait for vettonso one<3)

same seb/max pacific rim au anon

Anon are you... trying to make me cry... because I will... huehuehue... They should be making a movie out of your story I'd watch it I'd be the first in line... huehuehue... He never... cut the drift... he wanted... max to be the last thing he felt... Anon I'm sobbing on the ground...

First of all, Max giving Seb the courage to visit the grave of his old friend? The one who Seb thinks is gone because of him, and will never forgive himself for? Max holding on to Seb's hand tight as Seb dissolves into tears? Max thinking to himself, Hand tiny... Must protect forever...

Kaiju attack, Kaiju attack! They're dispatched from the Shatterdome. Anon--since this is your story, what should their Jaeger be called?

It's a fight with teeth and fangs and canons and metal-plated armour and Seb and Max are so concentrated on the Category IV in front of them that they aren't prepared for the Category III creeping up behind. Kaijus aren't known to work together. Jagged teeth rip through the centre of their Jaeger, and it's chaos. CODE RED CODE RED. EJECT EJECT.

Eject where? They're dead outside of the Jaeger, as is their city. That won't do. They stay in and try to fight, but the suit is falling apart. Machinery crumbles around them, and one large part falls and knocks Max clean out. Seb's screaming, "Max, Max! I need you, Max!" But Max is unconscious.

And well, Seb's already made his decision the day he decided to step into a Jaeger. Max will outlive him. He'll make sure of it. No one's heard of piloting a Jaeger solo for long, but this is the dead man's grip. The kind of grip that gives you enough strength to lift a car. Seb detaches Max from the suit, and sends him floating gently away. He can't bring himself to sever their neural link, it's the last thing he wants to know on this earth. And in a last-ditch attempt, he blows up the rest of the suit to defeat the 2 Kaiju.

When Max wakes, it's quiet. Why is it so quiet? It's not been quiet since Seb.

Where is he? he screams. Where is my partner? Where is Seb?

They tell him to take the time off, that the loss of a partner while in a drift is so traumatic some pilots never recover from it. Max thinks he'll fall into that statistic. He curls up in one of the benches in the church in the Shatterdome and cries himself to sleep.

Wait, wait. He jerks awake. What's that quiet buzzing sound at the back of his head? What's that pull toward someone he can no longer see? What's this?

Forgive me Father, for thinking you would ever leave me.

[mrsmount16]

Hey I was wondering if you could write a MM imagine where him and the reader have only gone on a couple of dates then when the announcement of the first lockdown is made he asks the reader to isolate with him? Then I was thinking while they’re isolating they’re experiencing a few Firsts with each other (e.g., cooking together, sharing a bed, movie nights, cuddles and kisses etc).

I didn't know how to write this without being super long and boring so I was going to section it off but hopefully it still gives off the same energy then a normal write lmao, also thank you for the request and this is such a good idea 😩. I didn't really know what other firsts to do😕 I haven’t proof read this either, so it could make no sense at all and probably have spelling mistakes but pls just power through it 🤞🏼

Warning: None.

Lockdown was being announced and everyone was panicking, the news emphasised on the amount of food people were buying and how there was no loo roll left but also about how relationships weren't going to work out due to being locked in the houses for all this time without seeing your significant other or because you was seeing them too much.

You had only been on a couple of dates with Mason, but you both knew that you wanted to pursue something more personal and deep and not just mess around for the fun of it. Thats why when he asked you to isolate with him you didn't hesitate to say yes. Even though the news told you otherwise of how to feel you simply ignored and couldn't wait to spend as much time with him as possible, building up a true connection between you both and making your bond stronger.

Cuddling and kisses and sharing a bed.

You arrived earlier in the day and had already taken your things to the spare bedroom and now sat on his couch, him on the opposite side. You guys hadn't stopped talking throughout the whole movie that played and eventually when it ended you insisted that you bought a takeaway for the both of you.

He agreed and when the pizza arrived you both sat at the table and had a slice, talking endlessly about random things like 'why colours are named what they are' and 'how were humans created'. After about an hour, it was dark out and just turned 9pm.

"I'm gonna get comfy and ready for bed."

"Yeah, I'll meet you up there in a few." He smiled and kissed your cheek, grabbing the box and walking off outside.

It was pretty cold out so you pulled on a hoodie and joggers, and you removed your makeup and cleaned your face and teeth and sat on the bed in the free room on your phone.

He knocked on the door and peaked his head through the door frame at about 10.

"You coming?" He gestures to his room.

"Oh yeah, hold up." You smile watching him leave.

He lay on the bed on his phone, lighting up when he saw you enter.

"You don't have to stay in here if you don't want to." He stated, watching as you climbed into bed next to him.

"No, I want to." You snuggled up next to him, resting your head on the pillow.

"I want you to, too." He put an arm around your waist and finally rested down after turning the light off on the bedside table.

You were both submerged in complete darkness, a tranquil atmosphere surrounded you both, the duvet lazily spread across you and your faces faced each other. His eyes were closed, but you lightly leaned in and pecked his lips causing him to open his eyes.

"Goodnight." You said, looking up at him.

"Goodnight pretty." He smiled, kissing you again lightly and resting his head.

You fell asleep in his arms, totally engulfed with his care and serenity, it rubbed off onto you. This was the best sleep you ever had in ages, and you wanted to do it a lot more.

Cooking.

"Hey! Thats not where the flour goes." You retaliated at Mason putting the flour on your nose, a sneeze followed shortly after.

"Oh, my bad." He giggled, sticking the rest of the flour in the bowl.

"These are going to be the best cupcakes you have ever baked."You said, mixing all the ingredients with all the strength you had.

"Yeah? I reckon by myself I could cook some pretty good cupcakes. With no help of Course." He leaned against the counter, his apron said 'world best chef' and he was covered in all ingredients that you didn't even know had to be in the cupcakes.

"Well, we will see about that once you taste my cakes." You smirked, sticking your tongue out at him and wiping a little bit of frosting on his cheek. "Got u back." You giggled.

He grabbed you by your waist and pulled you closer to him so your front's were together.

"You look amazing cooking.." He cheekily smiled.

"Not too bad yourself." You kissed him, he deepened the kiss and ran his hand up your back, until you felt a hard crack on your head and then an ooze of a liquid go down your back, mason was laughing uncontrollably, holding his stomach and near enough rolling on the floor.

"Mason!" You shouted, shocked and holding your head, "Did you just egg me?" You laughed, grabbing the egg that was on you and smearing it all over him.

"Two can play that game!" You giggled, grabbing flower and eggs.

Fight and makeup.

"No, I just don't particularly like her. You told me about what she did, she's a bad influence." He argued back.

"Oh, so she's a bad influence? So you think I would do something like that?" You scoffed. Your friend invited you to go on a walk around the park, and you told Mason but when he heard your friends name he instantly scoffed and shrugged his shoulders. He had no care about it and sighed, telling you to just 'do what you wanna, your choice at the end of the day.'. You asked why he was being so moody and he replied that he doesn't like her, and you understood why but because he didn't like her didn't mean that you couldn't hang with her. You did tell him that she did cheat on her boyfriend and you completely disagreed with her actions too but now he was saying she was a 'bad influence' like you was going to be influenced by what she did and start following her actions like you was a child.

"Its only for a catch up Mase, I haven't seen her in like 3 weeks. I haven't been at work remember and ive been locked up here."

"Yes, but anyone but her. We could go. I't doesn't matter, just go. Ill see you when you get back." And then he stormed off up to his gaming room, releasing all his stress on his games.

After about 40 minutes, you realised he was right, it wasn't just the cheating but she just overall was a bad person and you shouldn't have been encouraging such gossip with her.

You entered his room and put your hands on his shoulders, he looked back at you and then carried on his game like you wasn't even there.

"I'm sorry Mase, you was right. I can surround myself with much better people, and I will."

He turned his chair around so he was facing you and grabbed your hips to sit you down on his lap.

"It's okay, and ill go on that walk with you. Let me just finish this game." He said, smiling lightly and giving you a kiss which you returned.

Go-to support.

It was about 2 months into lockdown and your work had been piling up. You was stressed and so not motivated to do anything, even getting up out of bed was hard.

This day was particularly a struggle. You had to finish a presentation and only had today to do it, so you panicked and speeded it, finishing it as quick as ou could without caring about the outcome and just sending it off.

You sat at the kitchen table with your face in your hands, thinking about all the possibilities, will you lose your job? Will you get demoted? You just couldn't stop your mind from wandering.

"Are you okay babe?" You heard Masons voice from behind you and felt a hand on your back soothing you.

You couldn't hold it in anymore and broke down, whimpering and wiping your eyes.

"Mason I need a break from work, its so stressful and I think with the work I just did I'm going to lose my job and im just not motivated to do anything and I-" you rambled on, until he cut you off.

"Hey, hey calm down," He crouched down and placed his hand on the side of your face, wiping your tears away with his thumb. "Don't beat yourself up about it. It's happening to everyone now, im sure if we ask your work to give you some time for your mental health im sure they would let you." he smiled reassuringly.

"We?" You sniffed.

"Yeah, we. We're gonna get through this together. Now, it's always we." He stood up and hugged you tight.

Love and a movie night.

It's been about a 5 months now, and you and Mason had been going strong.

Mason insisted that you watch a movie tonight, sit down with some popcorn and snuggle up together. Of course you said yes.

About halfway in the movie, a conversation popped up about 'what would you do if you was a worm?' and you couldn't stop laughing, at both of your responses.

"Yeah, but I would definitely still love you if you was a worm." He joked, laughing with you.

You stopped almost instantly, looking over at him.

"What?" He looked over, confused.

"Did you just say that you love me?" You questioned, sitting up.

"You didn't hear? I love you." He smiled, chuckling.

you gasped, putting your hands over your mouth. He reached out and grabbed your face.

"I love you." He repeated, just for you to realise what he did, so you could know that it was real, to process the words.

"I love you." You stated, grinning from ear to ear.

[perhapsthanatos]

10:32 pm with yuta ♡

nct’s yuta x fem!reader (got inspired by a dream of mine & found the idea really cute)

alternate title: be the james dean to my audrey hepburn

genre: fluff. a pinch of angst. non idol au. badboy!yuta au.

word count: 1400~

playlist: chinatown by wild nothing, lover’s rock by tv girl & work this time by king gizzard and the lizard wizard.

warnings: featuring johnny (not a warning though). smoking cigarettes. cursing. lowercase intended. not proofread.

a/n: hi i was supposed to post a vampire!haechan fic but i really wasnt happy w it in general :( the plot or overall idea of the fic was really good, but i just felt as if i didnt do it justice so here we are :( but ngl, i kind of like this concept more? maybe bc i can see it more vividly? idk, i feel like my writings r getting repetitive & its getting on my nerves lmaoo this is getting long im sorry do u guys even read this part anyway? i would also like to apologize abt the amount of projecting im doing lmao ive been having some rough days & i love my sister but hate being compared to her so often so this is a way for me to rant abt it ig? also so sorry its coming out a little later bc i woke up late today (& procrastinated for the rest of it so here i am posting really late at night) & decided to go to the convenience store to get ice cream (& a ton of other bad shit pls dont do this its rlly unhealthy) for breakfast bc i can :) any who, enjoy lovelies <3

“oh my, y/n! you’ve grown up so well! just like your sister!”

“oh! i’m sorry i’ve almost mistaken you for your sister! y/n is your name, correct?”

“y/n, darling, you are looking so dashing! you really do resemble your sister, don’t you?”

“ah, you must be y/n! i’ve heard all about you and your sister from your father!”

you swear that your reddening cheeks are threatening to fall off any moment now from all the fake smiling. the hundreds of superficial compliments, the insincere flattery and the need for these people to constantly compare you to your godforsaken sister makes you feel even weaker than you are. it gets harder and harder to keep up with a big persona that isn’t at all you. as lucky as you are to live such a lavish lifestyle, you can’t help but hate how your family has to be so perfect. you hate how you have never fit in with them, even if you are so good at faking it. you hate how you have always been stuck in your sister’s shadow, constantly haunted with the reminder that you yourself aren’t good enough. you hate how you now have to entertain the rich and brainless guests at your parent’s gala because she’s gone for some stupid prodigy competition and everyone is only talking about her in front of your face. so what if she’s better the better sister? you still have the right to earn respect, right?

you’re exhausted from all the small talk. your facade gets more brittle by the second under all the pressure. your body feels as if it's gonna give out due to your brain shutting down after all that interacting. you try to keep on going with the night as it unravels itself by being the perfectly poised poster child, trying to make your parents proud. but alive yet almost completely devoid, you decide enough was enough. what if you left right now? no one would notice, would they?

after pulling up your phone discreetly to send a few text messages, you pass through lots of people dressed in gold and finery in a way that wouldn’t have you noticed right away. keep your head down and don’t you dare make eye contact with anyone. nearing the end of the room, grabbing the first glass of whatever alcohol you see and downing it in one gulp, you start walking away as quickly as possible from the ballroom. “ignorant privileged fucks,” you angrily whisper to no one in particular, setting the now empty glass on whatever surface and begin to head to the main exit where no one could spot you running away.

“and what do you think you’re doing here, miss?”

a voice interrupts you, looking up you see that it is your father’s head butler; johnny. he is dressed in a simple black suit that makes him appear taller than he is. his long brown hair is slicked back and his bowtie seems brand new. you have known the man since he started working in your household less than ten years back. you were a reckless child, often trying to find ways to sneak out, finding a way to escape from this life and he sympathized with you. after all, he could barely imagine living your life, never catching a break for yourself and always pretending to be someone you weren’t. he often helped planning when you would sneak out into the night, scheduling things like what time you should leave and what time you should be back, more specifically a time when no one would notice. he would take care of your form of transportation and have your location on at all times, just to be extra safe. as much as he wants you to have fun and have a bit of freedom, he still worries that something might happen to you. because of all this, you two have grown to have a very strong bond. you could confidently say that he is most definitely a parental figure in your life since your parents (and even your sister) are often overseas for work.

“what do you think i’m doing? you think i wanna be in a room with those half-baked bipeds? fuck no!”

“i know, i was just joking. you looked like you were about to explode in there, i wish i could help.” he laughs, pulling out his phone preparing what you might need. “so what will it be for today? the driver? we just need to pay him to keep his mouth shut. a taxi? it’s cheaper than paying the driver, but you still need to pay… not like that’s a problem for you though. maybe an uber would be good enough—“

“actually, i got myself covered. thanks.”

his jaw slightly drops and his eyebrows furrow. he looks straight at you in shock. “what do you mean you got yourself covered?”

you look down at your feet, a nervous habit. “i got myself a ride, you don’t need to help me. i’ll be back as soon as dawn comes.”

he raises his eyebrow. “who’s your ride?”

“doesn’t matter,” you glance down at your phone seeing a notification and wave a goodbye, leaving rather suddenly. “i gotta go, i’ll text you when you need to open the gates!”

“y/n! wait! who’s your ride— and she’s gone.” johnny sighs, watching as you run towards the front gates, tossing your stiletto heels away on the grass while you’re at it. he heads back inside, silently hoping you’ll be fine.

knocking the window of the old black mustang parked outside behind the big bushes, the driver rolls down his window and sends the most charming smile.

yuta in his black beanie, long blonde hair, worn out doc martens, signature leather jacket and black skinny jeans. it almost makes you laugh on how he wears the same thing almost everyday but still manages to look so good.

he is most notable for having a big bad boy reputation and you knew that he was the breath of fresh air you needed in your life. a person who can understand having the pressure of having to be or to fulfill your persona. a person you can completely be yourself around. a person who is full of warmth no matter how cold he may seem on the outside.

“get in, princess.”

and that was all you needed. you tiredly walked to the other door and sat yourself in the car. rolling his window back up, he looks at you. you are wearing a simple yet stunning black dress along with silver jewelry adorned on your neck and wrists. your makeup is perfectly done but still struggles to hide the fog in your eyes. he has the sudden urge to clear them away. he softens at the sight of you. no one is perfect, but he finds you being perfect enough without ever having to dress up.

“where to?” he asks as gently as he could. he knows that you are most vulnerable during these moments and that it is hard to finally break down your walls after a day full of stress, so he doesn’t pry immediately. all he wants to do is to keep you here, safe and away from your burdens and for you to stay comfortable with him, even if it couldn't be for long. but is that too selfish of him to ask? he hates how you hate your life and it is taking every bone in his body to not run away with you. but who is he to tell you what to do or what to change anyway? all he can do for now is try to find a way to make you genuinely smile.

“take me anywhere,” you whisper to the latter. “i just want to be as far from myself and my life as possible. miles away or the nearest convenience store, just take the long way home before dawn.”

you look down at the cup holders, spotting an open cigarette box. you tug one out of the nineteen and light it with the lighter you kept in your pocket. you lean back and close your eyes. he only admires as you bring the cigarette to your lips, exhaling a cloud of smoke afterwards. letting the radio play quietly, he starts the car and begins to drive away from the mansion. he can’t help but wonder how you (an elegant daughter) and him (a bad boy) are millions of worlds apart, but more similar than you think.

© perhapsthanatos (efa)

[neo-shitty]

toffee!

hehe glad i could make you laugh, oooh that sounds awesome! yeah id love to be tagged it sounds great :)

YES the differences are so fucking weird. like, they do know they're the same age right? i feel like its just an exagguration of how much the persons role in the group matters, like we see chan being held up as such a mature, old leader while jungkook who is literally the same age, is still babied etc. like enha hyung line is basically the same age (if a bit younger) as chenle and jisung but somehow the rules are different?? as you point out, still legal but still bizarre. hehe yeah, i mean where else are we going to rant? quora lol. mmm, hopefully more people can just write less smut abt people who are barely adults

ah, no prob it didnt take long. yeah i think thats right (i keep forgetting you know my url lol) mmhmm :( i think if that happened irl there would be some major trauma going on. knock wood it never happens to you or me lol (/hj)

hehe same! oooh glad Redemption For Cheese was realised! yess we cant rllycomplain that theyve written/produced too much good music lol. yeah, ive dragged him into being a stay so *dusts hands off* mission accomplished. mmm yeah, they tend to have a certain vibe but tbh it couldve worked if they were any other group but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ahh ur one step ahead of me on the stages of listening to ssick i think, still not convinced but thats okay! hehe, it had to be said. yesss the itch in the back of my brain is very satisfied by sorry i love you, felixs vocals deserve to be appreciated! (side note i feel like hes trying to sing more like his speaking voice, sorta husky, but tbh i wouldnt be mad if he sang like in glow, his sweet honey vocals made my life lol. but i think ive heard him say he doesnt like singing like that cos it makes his normal voice less husky, so what can you do)

> YES SOMEONE SAID IT. seungmin rap KING, he sped thru that rap like it was nothing, he deserves more rap lines. i do like how they gave minho some melodic rap lines this comeback, my guy deserved to show off those skills that made him not be eliminated (flashbacks to stay collectively wanting to murder jyp) and we already know changbin can sing, my man murdered masked singer. hyunjin can obviously sing as can jisung and felix, and i want to hear chan rap more! i feel like he started as part of 3racha (as a rap unit not producing) and then just became a vocalist (which im fine with, but it could be nice to hear him flex his rapping skills) and was partially replaced by hyunjin. anywayyy

back to album talk. lmaooo sad music to twerk to PERFECTLY describes silent cry. yes secret secret is and will always be, a masterpiece. hehe glad i could make you laugh :) i just felt like they have similar vibes. putting off skz stuff bc of not having time to cry IS the kpop stan life summarised. oh my beloved track, red lights. ahh thats okay, we can have different opinions, but by god the lyrics are *chefs kiss*. *banging on table* TWISTED AU TWISTED AU TWISTED AU. yess id love to see ur take on it! sdfghjkl it would have been glorious

no no! not stupid, just able to predict my brainwaves. ooooh thats so cool! makes me want to go there (wherever there is lol) yeah the waves are pretty good here, but none of my familys a surfer, so we dont rlly enjoy the full potential lol. YES moving on to gone away, it is indeed a heartwrenching track, but the vocals and the bloody key change? makes me want to brave being sad just to listen to it. mmm yeah, good point :( i feel like ive just gotten used to overthinking so much so that it doesnt matter what mood im in, ill do it anyway, so might as well just do what i feel like doing anyway.

yeah i think ur right! it is quite comforting knowing that all the tracks will get the love they deserve. i feel like also people assume kpop is just one genre which is utter bs. there are so many different vibes and feels and songs, i couldnt get into kpop (of which i thought only the bright cheerful present day bts stuff existed smh) until i heard gods menu so... idk where i was going with this but yeah. :)

YES FUCK YG, theyre literally on the brink of being kicked out of the big three and they are holding their salvation hostage without letting them do ANYTHING. idek what thought process goes thru their minds but arghhh its so infuriating. yess lisa's cb will be awesome but ot4 is the gold standard here.

hehe, glad u could get to this point. no no! u dont sound like a cult member at all lol yeah, i loooove some of their songs but the whole 23 members thing is getting to me. thats prob a common problem with nctzens but what can i say? im a simple girl with a limit to how many korean boys i can give my money to. atm im just trying to get into ateez and finish memorising enhypen's faces. also kard is kinda sucking me into their fandom atm, as well as eric name lol. ah what can you do? ooh thats good!

hehe i love it too! its exactly like online penpals, that was rlly well put. aww ty! hmm im okay, recovering from a bad case of rsv so thats fun. im doing okay mentally, starting therapy soon (after having to convince my mother that its not just smth i can brush off). physically i wont go into, basically i should be doing stretches to help but they dont completely fix it so my lazy ass doesnt do them, plus i got told recently im going to be stuck with this condition for the rest of my life so thats fun! ah, before you type smth dw abt me ill be fine. the weather atm is cloudy but warm, its been raining on and off today which is good for the garden. uhh i just finished reading sunburnt veils and im in the middle of prom theory which is rlly good. ummm ive got a concert tonight? that i may or may not be able to sing in (bc of the whole rsv thingo) and uhhhh idk. my dog is cute? im drinking tea rn? ive got a school dance coming up?

wbu? hows ur day going, how are you? whats the weather like on ur end? done anything interesting lately? found smth that makes you rlly happy? just any random thing youve been dying to tell someone?

no no! dont apologise, i love these exchanges. i think im happy to continue them for a long time :) on the other hand, if you get tired of them, feel free to just not answer at any time. goodness gracious this was a long ask haha hope it isnt too annoying

<3 w.a. 🐺

sorry it took me a bit to reply, i was fixing my theme ;n;

yeah, i figured it was because of the roles too. my friends and i still get taken aback when 3rd gen idols are the same age as 4th gen ones. in my head it doesn't add up sometimes. PLS THE RANT AT QUORA SKJDK tbh tho it's just going to be normalized as the years pass? esp that the boys are growing older and the amount of explicit fics will just increase. i might have to start blocking tags.

i had to look up the previous ask to remember what we were talking about xd i hope the events in champagne problems never happens to anyone. realistically, it probably happens a lot. damn i really won't wish that pain on anyone. dragging your brother into being a stay i whEEZED JFKSA additional noeasy music enthusiast o.o and ALL I CAN SAY WITH YOU GUSHING ABT FELIX IS AHA WHIPPEEEED OML can't blame you tho, i also want to hear felix sing more in other shades (if that makes sense HAHA) i really hope they'll do the role exchange in the next comeback :( or like in the near future bc i know they can do it :( the day i hear seungmin rapping it i will respectfully pass away. minho was given more lines this comeback thank fUCK i could rmb my irl being vocal abt her frustration. i don't get why minho barely has center time/lines in title tracks??? like the line distribution in the past eras just made me ???? if seventeen can balance lines with 13 members why cant a group of 8 do the same? moving on. i haven't watched the stray kids show simply bc i don't want to cry HAJS but i've seen clips. imagine if skz debuted without minho and felix?!?!? i rmb another irl catching bias feels towards changbin bc of the masked singer only to find out that the man's a rapper. i love how skz's vocals were highlighted this comeback :c there were a lot of mellow tracks! i find it cute when chan sings/raps bc it gets kinda obvious that he's a foreigner? the accent (im not even sure if it's the accent) it just shows. "putting off skz stuff bc of not having time to cry IS the kpop stan life summarised." CORRECT.

abt the twisted au o.O i'll inquire my irl if she wants to write it or not. if she doesn't want to, i'll do it. i miss writing twisted aus <3___<3 and i also miss going to the beach with my friends :' ) but it's starting to get cold here and i don't think i'll be able to enjoy the beach as much as i would if i went beaching in the summer. so maybe next summer? gone away really has an sm-ballad vibe. the thing about skz being a self-producing group, their songs don't sound like typical jype songs? and i just appreciate that bc in all honesty im not a fan of jyp groups at all. PLS the overthinking. i wish i could mute overthinking.

anyone who assumes kpop is just one genre obv hasn't listened to a single track. if kpop was just one genre why do i like some tracks more than the others??? oh you've only recently become a kpop stan? tbh im not a fan of the bright songs of bts either. i liked their older ones *chefs kiss* really matched high school vibes. yg has good artists and they're just wasting the talent ~.~ that strategy they have will get tiring eventually. people will stop waiting on blackpink and move on to newer more active groups ://

HAHAHAH yeah the 23 members is pretty overwhelming! it was the reason i didn't bother stanning before quarantine started. i don't regret stanning tho, met my ult bias in that group <3___<3 i don't really purchase albums unless i like the tracks xd ohhh getting into ateez just in time for the comeback! let me know what you think about them! i was fond of them at some point but grew out of it. good luck with memorizing enhypen! it took me a while to distinguish to people there XD i haven't checked out kard yet but chan plays their songs during lives and they're sexc hype music me likey *u*

i had to look up rsv im sorry. i'm glad you're recovering! please rest more and don't stress yourself out. bro i wish i could go to therapy too bc i have weird issues i can't justify and i need a professional to tell me what's the reason behind it. stuck with what condition btw? what happened? i'm sorry in case i just forgot. yesterday was a bit rainy for me too :(( it's not the type of rainy that makes me anxious so B) oh concert! good luck and i hope you'll be able to sing but i also don't think it's best for you rn :c what's your dog's breed? and yes i just finished drinking tea too. AAAAA i miss school dances :(( the last one i was supposed to have was cancelled bc of covid.

i was less productive today and i'm teetering between being mentally stable and becoming a hermit again. i'm anxious with a lot of things atm so like : D not the best state. today it was a bit sunny but not hot hot which was nice. i changed my theme today bc i couldn't wait for sept. 1st. and no i haven't found anything that makes me happy HAHAHA shit like that's hard to identify. don't have anything to say too, i'm just thinking about why i'm procrastinating too much atm T_T and i'm listening to this rap song atm and one of the rappers sounded like han.

it isn't annoying! i enjoy the long exchanges but i do admit it takes me awhile to type down a reply. so if i get more busy, it'll prolly take a bit longer for me to reply.

[fragmentedink-archived]

Hell to Pay: Chapter Twenty-Five

I, II, III, IV, V, VI, VII, VIII, IX, X, XI, XII, XIII, XIV, XV, XVI, IX, IX, XX, XXI, XXII, XXIII, XIV

cowritten by @lux-scriptum

A/N: trigger warning for blood, violence, torture, death, death of a child, implied past sexual abuse, and pls dont hesitate from letting us know if we missed anything <3

Lev stared at the ceiling. It’d taken Cameron fifteen minutes to get out of bed that morning. Lev’d barely fallen asleep by the time Cameron woke and started his painful attempts to start his day, and now Lev couldn’t get back to sleep.

Lev snagged his phone off the bedside table, scrolling through his contacts. He shot a text to Amara and then set his phone down again.

Sighing, he burrowed closer to Nik, breathing in his sandalwood and ocean scent, as if that would make any of this easier. Nik gave a sleepy sound, tucking Lev closer so he could bury his face in Lev’s neck. For a few more minutes Lev let him, absently tracing his fingers down Nik’s sides, following tattoos and muscle until his growling stomach drove him out of bed. He lingered long enough to brush Nik’s blue-streaked hair from his face and kiss the exposed forehead. “Hey. Come get some coffee,” Lev said, tugging on Nik’s hair. Better to get him up now, before Eden woke.

Nik grumbled at him, but made a move to get vertical, so Lev pressed another kiss to the top of his head, cupping his cheek. Nik’s eyes were still closed when he leaned up for a kiss, but Lev indulged him.

“Come on.” Lev tried to sound stern. He was pretty sure he sounded more indulgently affectionate than anything else, but he did pull away, so if Nik wanted anything else-

Nik held out a hand, which Lev took, tugging him to his feet. Almost instantly Lev pressed a hand to his chest, not trusting Nik not to lean over and fall asleep on the ground.

“If I trusted you to walk on your own, I’d ask you to carry me,” Lev said.

Nik pouted. “I can carry you,” he whined, scrubbing his face.

“Don’t worry about it,” Lev said, steadying him as he headed for the door. “I’m probably getting a little big for that now anyway. Not just skin and bones anymore.”

“I’ll just get more muscle then,” Nik mumbled, clearly still half asleep. “It’ll be fine.”

“If you say so, dear,” Lev said, patting Nik’s elbow, and then tugging him away from walking into the wall.

“I do say so,” Nik said, with all the indignity someone ready to doze off on their feet could muster.

That was when Lev managed to steer Nik into the kitchen, where Cameron was making his way painfully to the counter. Lev sat Nik down on a stool, and then scooted past Cameron. “Go sit down,” Lev told him. “I can get the coffee.”

Cameron sent him a glare. “You go sit down. You’re supposed to be in bed.”

“I couldn’t sleep,” Lev said. “Sit. Down. I’ve got it. I- I wanted to talk to you both anyway. Before Eden woke up and all the chaos starts up again.”

“Make me,” Cameron challenged.

Lev looked at him, halfway to the coffee pot. “Cameron. Please? I’m- please. Let me do this. You won't let me do anything else to help.”

“Cameron,” Nik said, rubbing his temples. “Just sit down. It’s too damn early for this.”

To Lev’s relief, Cameron sat down, even if it was in stony silence. Lev moved around in equal silence, mechanically making the coffee and pouring them both a cup. He grabbed a stool and sat down, pretending he didn’t notice how Cameron had watched his every move. Lev waited until Nik had gulped down half his mug before clearing his throat.

Lev rubbed his palms on his pajama pants, and then said quietly, “I texted Amara to come pick me up.”

Cameron didn’t even blink. Nik frowned, clearly trying to process what the hell Lev had just said. “Why,” he finally asked.

“I need- I need some time. Some- some space.” Lev did his best not to look down. He owed them that. “I can’t think- I can’t think here, and- and I’m not being much use right now. I need to step back and just- I need to figure some- somethings out.”

“Are you breaking up with us?” Cameron said dryly.

Nik shot Cameron a dirty look, and then looked back to Lev. “Are you coming back?”

Lev hesitated, wrapping his arms around his stomach. “No- I mean, yes, I mean- No, I'm not breaking up with you, yes I plan to come back- I- I couldn’t stay away forever, I- I just need time. I need to think. So much happens around you both, and it’s all so much. I need to catch my breath.” He swallowed hard. “I know it’s shitty timing- but-”

“But?” Cameron pressed, just like Lev had been afraid he would.

“But I need this,” Lev finally said.

Cameron leaned back. “Fair enough. I can’t protect you anyway.”

“That’s not-” Lev wrapped his arms tighter around himself, closing his eyes. “That’s not what I meant.” He hated himself, just a little, for how the tears pricked anyway.

“You don’t have to go.” Nik looked awake now. “You can stay. Why do you want to go? Is it because of yesterday? What I said to you?”

Lev shook his head vehemently, curling inwards. “No. No. It’s not that. It’s not you, either of you.” He scrubbed at his cheek angrily. “I just have to, Nik. That’s all I have for you.”

When Lev looked up, Nik was glaring at the counter. Cameron’s level gaze was on Lev, gauging him. Lev didn’t like the feeling.

“Take Eden with you,” Cameron finally said. “I can’t protect her either.”

“I can’t,” Lev said, softly. Even if it pained him so much it was hard to breathe.

Cameron nodded. “I’ll have Nate come get her,” he said.

Lev blinked. “Are you in that much danger?” He finally asked.

“What does it matter? You won’t be here. You’ll be safe with Amara.” Cameron’s tone was halfway dismissive.

“I wasn’t worried about me,” Lev said, sharpness entering his voice without his permission. “I’m worried about you. You’re hurt, and you won't let anyone lift a finger to help you. Are you going to just send everyone away and sit there until he comes back?”

“It’s none of your business,” Cameron replied, face blank.

“Nothing is ever my business,” Lev said, standing. “I just sit in confusion, and get to be treated like a child when I don’t understand what’s going on. Just because I’m not strong or fierce or good at making people bleed doesn’t mean I can’t handle anything ever.” He rubbed his face, sniffing hard. “Whatever. I need to get dressed. Amara should be here soon.”

“What’s going on is that I have an angry client who is upset I took his job,” Cameron said.

Lev had no idea what to say to that. Neither, it seemed, did Nik, who stared at Cameron with an openly horrified expression.

“Go get dressed,” Cameron said, struggling to his feet and heading for the stove. “You’re probably right.”

Lev watched him for a few heartbeats before spinning on his heel and walking out the door. That was exactly why he needed to leave. It was so damn hard to think straight around Cameron. Or Nik, for that matter. They left Lev feeling like he was always half a step behind, off kilter and so full of emotions he didn’t know how to process.

Once Lev got to his bedroom, Lev peeled off his pajamas, and went rummaging for his own clothes. All his this time, not Cameron’s or Nik’s. He settled on the edge of the bed once he was done, and buried his face in his hands.

---

Nik was still staring at Cameron’s back, horrified at what Cameron said, but he was also torn between that and going after Lev to get him to change his mind. Cameron was acting so unfazed about literally everything that had transpired in the last twenty-four hours and Nik wasn’t sure how to take any of it. “He’s going to leave,” Nik said.

“As is his prerogative,” Cameron said, trying to get out a skillet. “I’m not his keeper and I have no intention of forcing anyone to stay with me. If you want gone, too, then go. I can’t protect you either.”

“You called Destris a client.”

“Yes?” Cameron said, back spasming as he finally got the skillet onto the stove top. “I know what I said, Nikolas, I was there. Do you not know the definition of the word?”

“Yes, I-” Nik was at a loss of words. “Just. Fine. Don’t go anywhere. I’m going to go talk to Lev.”

When Cam didn’t say anything, just kept attempting to cook, Nik sighed softly and went to the bedroom, where Lev was settled on the edge of his bed with his head in his hands. Lev hadn’t even looked up when Nik knocked on the doorframe. “Do you remember when I told you you had to decide if you could handle being here during your heat? Is this you deciding?”

Lev finally looked up at him, shoulders slumping. “This is me trying to decide with a clear head.”

“What- what did I do?” Nik said. “Was it something I said? Did? Annoy you one too many times?” Nik tried for a smile. “Is it because I said you were gross for not liking coffee. It was a joke. I promise you can just like your milk and honey and I’ll just judge you in silence.”

“You didn’t do anything,” Lev said. “Neither did Cameron.”

“Then why,” Nik said. “Why now. Something happened and now you’re leaving us. You don’t have to go, please don’t go. I love you.” Well, Nik hadn’t meant to say that, but it was too late to take it back now.

Lev looked so hurt and he just stood. “That’s not fair, Nik. Throwing that in my face now. It’s not a magic band aid.” He went to grab a jacket. “I’m going to wait for Amara on the front porch.

Nik grabbed Lev’s arm before he pushed past him. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say that. Just. I’m sorry.” He let Lev go, though, and went to go to the kitchen where he dropped down on a stool and drop his hands in his hands.

“I’m guessing you didn’t succeed?”

“Probably got him to never come back,” Nik muttered.

“Sounds about right,” Cameron said, grunting as he reached for the eggs in the fridge. “Just let him go. If he wants to come back, then he will. If not, perhaps he wasn’t meant to be here for good.”

“I guess.”

Finally the telltale sound of Amara’s shitty motorcycle came closer and Cameron said, “Are you going to tell him goodbye?”

“No,” Nik said, face in his arms. “He probably doesn’t want me to after that.” When Lev didn’t come in to say he was leaving, and when the motorcycle started getting far away, Nik said, “See?”

Cameron flicked him a look while he started slicing up avocados. “Go get my phone.”

Nik slipped off the stool and wandered around the house until he found Cameron’s phone still speckled in dry blood. “Of course it is,” Nik muttered, making his way back to the kitchen. “Here.”

Cameron finished up his avocado and then took it from him. He put the phone between his ear and shoulder while starting back up on cutting up the… vegetable? Fruit? Whatever the fuck an avocado was.

“I am well aware of the time, Nathaniel,” Cameron said, coolly. “No, I don’t care that either of you are sleeping, either. I need you to do something for me.” Cameron paused, looking unimpressed at whatever it was that Nik could imagine Nate was saying. “Get Eden. Keep her for a while. I don’t know, Nate. If I did I would give you a set time that I’d be picking her up. Consider it open ended. There isn’t anyone I know competent enough to take care of her for me. Good. Goodbye.” Cameron promptly hung up and put the phone on the counter and continued chopping up the avocados. “He’ll be here in a few hours. I’ll finish breakfast and then get her ready.”

“So you’re really doing it,” Nik said. “You’re giving my brother the baby? Our baby?”

“It’s the right decision with Destris still in town,” Cameron said, neutrally. “You won’t let me kill her and I can’t protect her. It’s the only choice left.”

“I can protect her,” Nik said, defensively. “I am just as dangerous as you are, and apparently more dangerous than you are since you refuse to raise a hand to your sadistic brother and refuse to let Lev heal you because of your damned pride.”

Cameron’s eyes flicked up at that and it was an effort to not shrink back at that ice cold look from him. “You can protect her?” he asked, coolly. “You? Who can’t even handle a minor injury without drinking two extremely strong drinks because you got too upset?”

“Did you seriously just call what you had a minor injury,” Nik said, staring at him.

“I’m alive and on my feet,” Cameron said, moving back to the stove with the diced up avocados. “So yes.”

“You’d be dead if it wasn’t for Lev and Sazra,” Nik countered. “Your back just got resplit open and all your fingers broken, and stars know what else. Do not tell me that was a minor injury, you fucking liar.”

“We don’t lie to each other, remember,” Cameron said, completely unfazed at Nik’s blatant yelling. The pan sizzled as Cameron dropped the chopped avocados into the vegetable oil. “Just because you can’t handle a little pain, doesn’t mean I can’t.”

“You need so much therapy,” Nik said, still staring at him. He wasn’t sure if he felt bad for him, or if he was disgusted or just enraged at Cameron so clearly unable to see how flawed his logic was.

“No I don’t,” Cameron said, moving around the food with a spatula. “What’s a therapist even going to tell me what I don’t already know. At the end of the day the clock can’t be turned back, so it doesn’t make a difference.”

Nik hated that he couldn’t think of a damn counter to that. He had the same logic for it, but it didn’t sound right coming out of Cameron. “Whatever,” Nik said, plucking a cooked avocado cube out of the skillet and popping it into his mouth. “If you want to be that dense, so be it.”

---------

After breakfast, Cameron made his way back to Eden’s nursery, taking longer than he cared to admit, but found her awake, sitting and chewing on a new stuffed animal. She laid her eyes on him and started waving around her chewed toy and squealing at him. Cameron grimaced. “Good morning to you, you little monster,” he grumbled, picking her up and carrying her to the changing table.

He made quick work of changing her diaper despite the pain lacing through his body. But he had a schedule to keep, and he was going to keep it. Eden, luckily, seemed to realise that Cameron was injured and kept her wiggling to a minimum.

He managed to get her stuff packed in record time and decided to use the remaining time sitting in the rocking chair with her feeding her. Eden contently took to her feeding with enthusiasm. He used his foot to rock the chair slightly. “Hopefully the angel will keep your schedule with little change,” he told her. “If he doesn’t, you have every permission to raise hell with him.”

Cameron liked to think the glint he saw in her eyes was her agreeing with him. When they finished the bottle, Cameron went ahead and changed her once more, just to be safe, and carried her and the diaper bag out to the kitchen where Nik was in fact waiting with Nate. Nate stared at him, but his face was neutral in almost a flash. “She ready?” he said, trying for a light tone that didn’t sit well with the expression on Nate’s face.

“Clearly,” Cameron said, blackness cutting around the corners of his vision while he shrugged the diaper bag off his shoulder and handed it over to him. “There’s clothes, diapers and everything else you need. I also included her schedule. I trust you can read? If not I’m sure Bay can for you.”

Nate rolled his eyes. “I can even tie my own shoes, too,” he said, shouldering the bag and going to take Eden from him. He brought her to his chest and kissed the top of her head. “You ready, Baby?” he said, smiling down at her. “I bet we got plenty of toys for you to destroy.” Eden’s shrill giggle made Nate’s eyes crinkle. But that smile instantly evaporated into solemness when he looked back at Cameron, then at Nik. “She’ll be safe with us. I promise it.”

“Well good,” Nik said, bitterly. “Because apparently neither of us can protect her.”

Nate opened and closed his mouth, wanting to say something but deciding anything he had to say wouldn’t suffice. He just nodded in the end, lightly bouncing Eden. “I’ll send you updates,” he said, to both of them. “Good luck with whatever’s going on.”

Nik quickly got up from his spot on the stool and came over to press a kiss to Eden’s white hair. “I’ll see you soon, Baby. Promise.” He looked up to Nate. “Thanks, man. I won’t forget this.”

Nate shrugged. “What’s family for?”

-----

As if they could sense Lev’s mood, Reneé and Cin tiptoed around Lev as he curled up on the couch. Even Amara was subdued, and Lev almost swore she was hovering. Reneé had fed him, which he appreciated, but it only made him more homesick for Cameron’s cooking.

Eventually, though, they all just piled up on the couch, squishing Lev in the middle. Someone constantly had their hands on him, patting his hair and purring softly. Not home, but safe enough for now, even if his omega was unhappy he was so far from Cameron and Nik.

Lev buried his face against Cin, sniffling abruptly. Amara bit down on his shoulder, and then asked, “Do you want to talk about it?”

Lev shook his head sharply. “I just- I need to think.” He sniffed a bit more, and then mumbled, “Maybe after a nap.”

“Yeah, maybe. You look like you only got fifteen minutes of sleep last night,” Amara replied teasingly.

“I did,” Lev replied.

Amara tugged at him, made him look at her. She searched his face, blue-grey eyes hard and serious for once. “You sure you’re okay?”

“I’m just tired,” Lev said in a small voice. “I want to sleep. Please?”

After waiting Lev out didn’t get Amara anywhere, she sighed. “You want the couch or the bed?”

“They’re about the same level of comfortable,” Lev muttered.

At least she laughed at that. “Maybe they’re a good influence on you after all.” She ruffled his hair. “Listen. Reneé is officially late to school. Cin and I are going to drop her off, and then we’ll be back. We’ll be gone an hour, tops, alright? I’ll wake you up when it’s time for lunch.”

Lev made a face. “You’re not going to try to cook, are you?”

“Nah. I’ll use your card to order out,” Amara promised as she and the others peeled away. “Sleep here, sleep in my bed, sleep in Ren’s. Doesn’t matter to me.”

“Okay,” Lev said, closing his eyes when Reneé pressed a kiss to the top of his head. “See you later.”

Without them, the apartment, tiny as it was, felt vast. No matter how tired he was, he couldn’t get comfortable. Not on the couch, not on either of the beds. There was nothing to eat in the kitchen and nothing to watch and nothing to read; Amara must have been late on her cable bill, and Reneé unfortunately had a much different reading taste from Lev.

Restless and irritable, Lev grabbed his jacket and scribbled a note for Amara to call him if she needed him. Maybe a walk would clear his head. So on a walk he went, following familiar streets blindly until he realized he was standing on his old porch, staring at a door he knew damn well was still broken.

After blinking a few times, he pushed the front door open. The living room was dark, but Lev could still see the old stain on the floor. He let out a small breath, and shut the door behind him, flicking on the lights as he padded deeper into the house. Once he reached the kitchen he hunted down cleaning supplies; cleaning helped him think, and maybe, one day, he could sell this place and be rid of it forever.

He wasn’t sure how long he was on his knees cleaning before he admitted defeat. He’d gotten all he could up, and if he wanted to sell this place it was likely that he’d have to replace the carpet entirely. At least now, though, it wasn’t crusted with his own blood, and merely damp as hell and stained.

Sitting back on his haunches, Lev wiped his cheeks. He hadn’t even realized he’d been crying again. It made sense, though. Even now he swore his back twinged with the ghost of Remi’s blade. He was putting the cleaning supplies away when he heard a knock on the front door. Only after a moment of debate did Lev skirt around the damp patch in the carpet and open the door a crack.

A tall, dirty blonde man stood there. He was smiling faintly down at Lev, head slightly cocked to the side.

“Can I help you?” Lev ventured, just to be polite. He couldn’t place why he looked vaguely familiar, and a pang of guilt had him opening the door a fraction more. Had he just forgotten who this was?

“I was wondering if I could use your phone to call my brother? My car broke down,” the man said in a too-pleasant tone.

Lev hesitated. Something... something wasn’t right, and he was tempted to shut the door in this man’s face. He could smell that this was an alpha, and that only left Lev more wary.

Lev must have hesitated too long, because this strange alpha leaned closer. “It’s the middle of winter. Are you really going to leave me out here?”

That was enough Lev winced, mumbling a quick, “Sorry,” out of habit. He dug around in his pocket, and fished out his phone, sliding it through the crack. Surely an alpha would understand why an omega would be so damn wary of a stranger on his porch, and even if he didn’t that was not Lev’s problem.

The alpha flashed him another small smile, and started dialing. Lev couldn’t hear the dial tone, and barely caught whatever he was saying, but a chill went down his spine when he heard the alpha murmur Cameron’s name.

Already Lev was suspicious, and it took mere seconds to bounce to a chilling conclusion. In a flash Lev shoved the door shut and scrambled to hook the chain in place. The doorknob might be broken but the chain could buy him-

A shove against the door sent Lev stumbling back before he could even slot it into place. Lev could almost see it, now, what Zareth had said about it being Cameron, but worse. He bolted despite the leisurely stroll Destris was taking, slamming his bedroom door shut behind him and twisting the lock shut. A futile shove at the window told him it was jammed in a way that wasn’t natural- but how...?

Deciding now wasn’t the time to ponder about that, Lev looked around the room frantically. As he tried not to panic, he heard a knock on the bedroom door. “What’s wrong? It was just a phone call,” Destris said, voice syrupy sweet.

Lev’s hand dropped to his pocket, before he realized with a small omegan whine that Destris had his phone, and his landline phone was in the kitchen. He couldn’t call for help.

He was moving for his bedside table when Destris opened the door with a sharp twist to the doorknob. Lev froze, pressing his back to the wall and keeping the bed between them.

“Why are you so afraid?” The demon asked casually. “I can smell the fear on you.”

“A strange alpha just broke into my house,” Lev said, scooting closer to the bedside table. His voice shook. “Why wouldn’t I be afraid?”

“Am I really all that strange?” Destris cocked his head again. “We’re practically in-laws.”

Lev stilled by the bedside table, gripping the corner of it tightly. “I don’t know you,” Lev finally managed, trying to keep his breath steady and failing miserably. “And I don’t trust you.”

“Oh?” This time Destris arched a brow. “And you know Cameron? There’s plenty you don’t know about him.”

Lev wrapped his hand around the little lamp on his bedside table. He threw it as hard as he could, and scrambled over the bed, trying to make it out the door. Destris merely sidestepped the lamp and stuck out his foot. Lev barely managed to keep from falling on his face, twisting so his shoulder took the brunt of the fall instead of his face, or worse, his wrists.

Dazed, Lev didn’t get the chance to scramble up before Destris loomed over him, looking amused. “Carrying precious cargo, are we?”

It took Lev a few precious seconds of confusion before Lev blurted out, “No?” He scooted back, trying to get room to stand. Surprisingly, Destris let him stand, even if he kept prowling closer, green eyes glinting.

“Are you asking me or telling me?” Destris asked.

A cold shiver went down Lev’s spine. He opened his mouth, and tripped over the coffee table before he could say anything. Stupid. He should have been moving closer to the front door. He started edging that way instead, keeping an eye on Destris. “I’m not pregnant. There’s no way.”

“You’re an omega. I’m sure you’ve taken many cocks up the ass. There’s plenty of ways.”

Lev shook his head sharply. “No,” he said faintly. “My family- we don’t- it takes so long for- I’m not fucking pregnant.”

Destris gave him a slow once over, chuckling. “You certainly look it.”

Lev didn’t even have a response for that. Had it been any other time he would have been offended at the comment about the weight he’d gained from all the food Cameron had insisted he eat, but today he just yanked the front door open and tried to make a run for it.

Destris didn’t even stop him. Lev made it all the way to the neighbors front door, and when he looked over his shoulder, Destris had his hands in his pockets, stalking across the yard with a fluid grace that sent a shudder through Lev.

To his surprise, the door slid open before Lev could bang on it. Horror hit Lev a second too late as he stepped inside, the scent of rotting honey slamming him to a halt not two steps in the parlor. He gagged, hitting his knees as he stared at what used to be his neighbor- and her daughter.

Lev’s stomach lurched as he stared, too sick to move. “No,” he whispered, still taking in the sheer amount of golden blood splattered all over the place.

“They were in my way,” Destris said in a bored tone from behind him.

Lev fought another heave of his stomach, reaching for the infant. “They wouldn’t have hurt you,” he said, choking back tears. He drew his hand back, hugging his stomach as if that would help anything.

“They were angels,” was all Destris had to say, as if that excused this slaughter.

Lev turned around, hands clenched. “She was a single mother. You killed a child. They wouldn't have hurt you.”

“No one can hurt me. Cameron wouldn’t even hurt me.”

“Then why,” Lev rasped. “Why?”

“Because I can,” Destris replied easily.

Lev’s sharp, “Fuck you,” was out of his mouth before he could stop it. He flinched immediately.

Destris’ small smile did nothing to ease the twisting of Lev’s stomach. “Why would I defile myself with an angel when Cameron is right there?”

Lev flinched again, drawing back. “What do you want?” Lev demanded weakly, even as he stood on shaky legs.

This time Destris’ smile grew. “I want to hurt Cameron,” he replied.

That was more than enough for Lev, who turned around and made to bolt for the back of the house. He wasn’t ready for Destris to catch the back of Lev’s hoodie, yanking hard enough Lev choked.

“This is a really poor choice in clothing,” Destris said, before tossing Lev to the side. Lev landed directly in the middle of the glass coffee table, which shattered beneath him. Shards of glass cut into his hands when he tried to get up, and he could feel blood sliding down his face. Before he could get his bearings, Destris fisted a hand in his hair, and dragged him out of the pile of glass.

As Destris started dragging Lev out the door, Lev latched onto Destris’ wrist, trying to pull free. Destris wasn’t having any of that, and slammed Lev’s face into the doorway. Lev saw stars, but that wasn��t enough, because Destris tossed him down the porch stairs, letting Lev crumple in a heap, too dazed to move from the concrete sidewalk he’d landed on.

“You should be more careful, little bird,” Destris mocked, descending the stairs leisurely.

Lev pushed himself up. He’d fucking crawl if he had to, even if his head was spinning so much he wasn’t sure if he’d know which direction to go. He didn’t get far before Destris’ foot connected with his side, sending him sprawling again. Lev blinked up at him when Destris crouched beside him, grabbing Lev’s face.

“Are you alright? You’re bleeding,” he said with faux concern, swiping his thumb through the blood on Lev’s cheek. He popped said thumb in his mouth, eyes glinting. “I can see why Cameron bites you so much.”

“Let me go,” Lev said, unable to keep the panicked, pleading tone from his voice.

“Why would I do that, when we’re just getting to know each other?” Destris purred. Abruptly he yanked Lev’s head up, latching onto Lev’s throat with his fangs. Every instinct of Lev’s was screaming: he went limp out of sheer self preservation, giving a high pitched whine that was nothing short of pure omegan submission.

When Destris pulled back, his lips were shiny with golden blood. “Much better. I should bite angels more often.”

Lev closed his eyes tightly, well aware of Destris’ hand in his hair still, and of the blood gushing down his front. As Destris dragged him back towards Lev’s house, Lev tugged his magic up, hoping what he had left from healing Cameron would at least be enough to close up the wounds he had now. He was lucky: by the time Destris dropped him on his living room floor, he’d closed most of them, including the vicious bite to his neck.

Lev looked up at Destris, breathing hard and already crying silently. His omega whined deep within him, and he listened, arching his neck slightly in a show of terrified submission. Anything to keep Destris from lashing out again. Posturing like that had worked with violent alphas before, after all.

“Do you bare your throat like this for Cameron?” Destris asked. When Lev didn’t say a damn word, frightened and unwilling to provoke him further, Destris mused, “You’re too scared. I guess I should look like someone you trust.”

As he spoke, his features shifted, just enough. In a single blink, Lev was staring up at Cameron. His breath caught, and fresh tears rolled down his cheeks. That wasn’t fair.

“Is this better?” Destris asked, and it was Cameron’s voice Lev heard.

“Please,” Lev whispered, holding very still.

Destris crouched, grabbing Lev’s face gently. It didn’t- those were Cameron’s hands, and those should have been comforting, were comforting, weren’t comforting.

“Stop crying,” Destris ordered- Cameron- it was his voice, and Lev hated that it worked, hated that his tears stopped. He held still, too afraid to say anything. It didn’t make- he didn’t understand- it shouldn’t have-

“Good boy,” Cameron- no, Destris- said, sending a shiver down Lev’s spine. That little smile was too- it was wrong, on Cameron’s face.

“No,” Lev said in a tiny voice, pulling at Destris’ grip on his face weakly.

“No what? Don’t you love me?”

Lev pulled back a second time, even as his eyes filled again. “No. You’re not Cameron.”

Destris’ grip on his face never faltered, though the hands holding him changed. “Is this better?” Nik’s voice asked.

Lev jerked back again, shoving at Destris’ chest with one hand. In the next heartbeat Destris had snapped his fingers. Lev screamed, hunching over, but Destris wouldn’t even allow that, stopping him with a palm to Lev’s forehead. The next sob that bubbled up damn near choked Lev as he stared up at Nik’s face, vision swimming.

“Let me go. Please,” Lev whimpered.

To his surprise, Destris did. For a few seconds Lev just curled inwards, shocked by the release and overwhelmed by the pain. Nothing happened, even when Lev tottered to his feet. It was a game, Lev realised with dawning horror. Destris really was going to just let Lev walk right out that door and drag him right back in.

That didn’t stop Lev from stumbling past and down the porch, though. He made it to the mailbox at the end of his yard, and Destris had barely even stepped onto the porch. The demon was definitely just toying with him.

Lev leaned against the mailbox anyway, forcing his fingers back the way they should be with a strangled cry, and forced healing down his hands. They’d be fucked up and crooked, but at least the pain eased. He tossed another glance over his shoulder, in time to see Destris shift. A massive black panther was now loping across the lawn.

Lev bolted this time, but he didn’t even make it ten paces before the solid weight of Destris’ demonic form hit his shoulders, sending him face first into the sidewalk. Claws pricked through his jacket, a warning. The hot breath on Lev’s neck was a warning too.

Destris grabbed Lev’s hoodie between his teeth and started hauling Lev back towards the house again. Lev twisted, despite the futality, scrabbling with the zipper until he tumbled free. He barely got to his feet before a lazy swipe of Destris’ paw sent him sprawling again.

As easily as a cat would flip a beetle, Destris rolled Lev onto his back, planting a massive paw on Lev’s chest to pin him there. Practically hyperventilating, Lev stared up at him, unable to take his eyes off the fangs Destris flashed at him.

Maybe he should have, because a moment later claws were digging into his stomach, shredding the soft flesh there with little care of what damage it caused. Lev thrashed, shrieking as he shoved up against Destris, and only got his arm clamped between the demon’s jaws.

Pain radiated from both, stronger than it should have been, and only growing worse. Lev barely registered Destris dragging him back up the stairs. The pain swelled until it was the only thing was aware of, and by the time it faded to a steady pulse of agony he could think through, he’d lost all grasp of how much time had passed.

When he lifted his head, his breath rasping in his throat, Destris was seated in one of his arm chairs, watching him over the top of one of Lev’s battered romance novels. Blood caked off of Lev as he tried and failed to push himself up. His magic was moving sluggishly, barely any left, which explained why his stomach was still oozing yet more blood steadily. Rather than keep pushing, Lev dropped back down on the floor, exhausted. He could taste blood, the sickeningly sweet flavor flooding his mouth every time he gave a wheezing cough.

“Do you imagine Cameron wooing you like these characters?” Destris asked. Lev couldn’t muster up the energy to reply, Destris added, “He’s not capable of it.”

Lev closed his eyes. “I’m not stupid,” he finally croaked. “I know he isn’t. I don’t expect him to.” He sucked in a ragged breath. “He doesn’t owe me a damn thing.”

Destris gave a laugh. “The mark of true love.”

“He doesn’t love me,” Lev said after a long stretch of silence. “I don’t expect that either.”

“I didn’t say he did. Cameron doesn't and can’t love anyone. You however, do love him. And that is why I can play with you.”

Lev didn’t have an answer for that. He pressed a hand against his stomach, curling inwards on himself as he coughed hard. When he wiped his mouth with his free hand, it came back gold. He mumbled against the carpet, "What have I done to you? Why are you doing this?"

Destris closed the book. “You’re ruining my bastard with your soft heart.”

It took several seconds for that to process, but eventually Lev managed, “Eden?” He shoved a hand underneath himself, biting back a sob as he forced himself to sit up so he could stare at Destris properly.

“No,” Destris said, amused. “The other one.”

The sarcasm in his tone made Lev wince. “There’s nothing wrong with teaching her to be kind,” Lev finally said tiredly. “You could benefit from a few lessons yourself.”

Destris’ smile did nothing to calm Lev. “Are you offering?”

“Are you actually willing to learn?” Lev shot back, pressing his hand against his stomach harder, willing the last of his magic to close up at least the outside of his wound. There wasn’t much he could do about the internal bleeding, not right now.

"You dont need to teach me how to fuck you. But if you want to bad enough, I can offer that kindness."

Lev flinched, eyes going wide. “I- that’s not- that’s not what I meant.”

Destris cocked his head, watching Lev. “Isn’t it though?”

“That’s not a kindness,” Lev said, unable to lift his voice above a whisper.

"That's the kindest thing I could do for someone who's destroyed countless numbers of my people."

“I wasn’t- I never fought in the war.” Lev pulled his hand away from his stomach. Barely scabbed over, the best he could do. “I don’t hurt people. Angel, demon, human, witch. I don’t- I don’t do that. I won’t.”

“All Angels are guilty in the gods' eyes.”

Lev didn’t know what to say. He had no defense. It wasn’t his fault who his parents were, and it wasn’t fair to blame him for that. Not that Lev’s silence mattered. Destris seemed bored, standing. Before Lev could register what he was doing, he planted a vicious kick in Lev’s stomach, tearing open whatever Lev had managed to heal, and making everything far worse. Lev crumpled with an awful wheeze, choking on the too-sweet taste of his own blood.

"Broken toys have no use to me,” Destris said, leaning over Lev’s limp form.

It was several minutes before Lev realized he was gone. It was several more before he could drag himself towards the kitchen. Destris still had his phone, but Lev had always been old fashioned, and he had a landline around here somewhere.

When he found it, he yanked the cord that plugged the base in until the cordless phone toppled to the floor beside him. It took more than one try to dial, but eventually he curled up on the floor, one hand holding his stomach closed, the other holding the phone to his ear.

When the other line picked up, Lev closed his eyes, whispering faintly, “Cam- Cameron? I made a mistake.”

tagging: @idreamonpaper @incandescent-creativity @livvywrites @halstudies​ @alittleyellowdinosaur

[sociallyawkward--fics]

hi !! idk how long its been (awhile) but long enough that i have scrolling through ur posts that i haven't read bc i don't have an attention span -H (ok but how long has it been i can't tell android mobile doesn't show dates(???) so i can't tell idk how far back to think back in terms of talking abt stuff but neway) (the last ask i sent in was abt the witcher right how long ago was that it seems not that long ago but also forever ago at the same time)

oh yea abt the witcher u said it was on netflix so if i watched it without any other knowledge id be fine right -H (like,, i assume so(??) but i just wanted to check or smth idk)

but !!! neway !!! idk what to say uhhh bts came out with a new song, your eyes tell, for,, a japanese show or smth& its so pretty like

i kinda made a promise with myself not to get into any other groups until i could understand their korean but i also forgot i made that promise until like 2 days ago so for the last week ive been getting into stray kids ! now the next asks will be me rambling abt them just bc. before i got interested in their music the only thing i knew abt them was they did an ok boomer song called gone days they dont actually say ok boomer but it amounts to the same thing& i think that's very iconic of them -H

one of the members felix is apparently bi so !!!! i love him !!!! -H (he never explicitly said it but someone asked what his ideal type was& he asked if they meant for boys or girls& then described both so) (i mean he also might not be i don't wanna assume or anything so im just kinda sitting here& quietly believing while also not at the same time yknow) (also he's so so pretty !!! u could just search up felix stray kids rq& see but he has freckles !! excuse me while i cry !!!!)

theres also chan& i love him !!!! hes got that gives rly good hugs vibe so my only goal in life is for him to hug me pls chan ily. he was recently doing a live& someone asked him what they should do bc theyre on their period or smth& he said "ppl with periods" rather than just "girls" which was !! so nice& inclusive im crying !! -H (also him& felix r from australia so they speak fluent english so this isnt a rough translation or anything !!its just what he said i would die for him !!)

oh !!!!! short pause in my skz rambling bc i forgot to tell u that i cut my hair !!!!!! its like a pixie cut so its rly short& i love it so much !!!!!! now all i need to do is redye it& nobody will ever think im straight again -H (i noticed ive been using a lot of exclamation marks this time around& i have no idea why that is skdjdh)   

yea so stray kids,,,,, they have a performance video for their song boxer& i !! love it !! idk smth abt their dance for it is so like,, bouncy& it's rly fun to watch felix does this spin kick idk what it's called but it's cool as hell. jisungs mannerisms r also amazing& i love changbin there's a part wheres he's in the middle& it's Esp Bouncy& the way he says boxer is so cool felixs is cooler but it's still cool idk i just like the video a lot -H

uhh thats another thing ud need to watch to understand but u dont have to& thats not gonna stop me neway !!!! theres another song i am you where changbin says smth that roughly translates to "its too cold outside to be alone by myself / its warm here, maybe bc ur here"& in the mv the camera zooms out& u see that hes laying with the other members every time i see it i feel like im being punched in the gut bc thats so cute ???? thats so soft wtf is that even allowed ???? pls i love them -H

anyway that concludes my session of infodumping stay tuned later for more of my rambling uhhhh bye ily -H

---------------------------------

I also have no clue how long it’s been because I have NO sense of time lol, so don’t worry about it. I’m just happy to hear from you whenever you come around!!

And yes, you can watch Witcher without ANY background knowledge! Just jump right into the show! That’s what I did lol, I’m only getting into the books and games because I started hyperfixating very strongly, lol. It’s not, like, a requirement, I just really enjoy them (and really any Witcher content lol), so I decided to get into them. But yeah, no background knowledge needed, if you wanna get into it!

That is very iconic of them lol, love that for them. I think I’ve heard of Stray Kids before? But I don’t know much K-pop, I really only know BTS because my younger sibling is really into their music (and I know more about them from you, of course, but I knew about BTS beforehand because of my sibling lol)

I looked up Felix, and yes he is very pretty! But it said “Australian Rapper” on google instead of his band name and that made me laugh lol. And that is very good of Chan!! They both sound very cool, and I hope one day you can hug them!!

Nice nice about the haircut, that is very cool!! What color are you gonna dye it, have you decided yet? I can’t remember what color you had before lol

The bouncy dance song sounds very cool!! I might look it up when I get to my earbuds, if I can remember to! Also, that is very soft and cute, also it’s a mood lol. Me with my friends, honestly. I miss my friends so much. How have you been doing in lockdown? I hope you’ve been doing okay!!

I love your infodumping every time, thank you for sharing with me! I love you too!! Thanks for brightening my day!! <3 <3 <3

[paniniville]

Long-Ass Life Update (I’m not dead!)

Finally a life update now that I’m back home. It’s been a painful and tiring couple of weeks :’) And actually some of the days/times might be off because I was like super fucking out of it for most of that time period.

Anyhow, I went to the ER on Friday the 1st after 3 days of severe stomach pain, and the local hospital is like notoriously shitty but I was in horrible pain ok

They actually took me seriously for once, took me back immediately, ekg, ultrasound, blood and piss tests, and told me from the start not to eat or drink anything.

They told me they found gallstones and one or more might be stuck in the bile duct, but they made it sound like it wasnt inflamed and there werent many, so I wasnt super worried? They sent me for an MRI and then told me that they didnt have the capability to get out any stones, so they sent my ass an hour away via ambulance to a much better hospital so they could do the probe thing they needed to. It took until Saturday night to get a room there, though, and they didnt know when I’d get there and since they figured theyd want to do the probe ASAP, I was kept completely without eating or drinking for all of Friday night and Saturday, after not eating more than a few bites of muffin on Friday and next to nothing Thursday either because Everything Hurt.

Also, Fentanyl is fucking magic. Thats the only thing that even vaguely touched the pain.

So anyhow, I get to the other hospital at fuck o’clock at night and God Damn Staved because, like I said, bitches gave me No Fucking Food for an entire day (I’m not kidding that hospital is horrible and has a horrible reputation for ending up with killing people or making situations worse but the next nearest hospitals are an hour away in different directions and I don’t often have anyone willing to drive me that far and I often don’t feel up to driving myself that far if I’m already at “need to go to the ER, fuck the money I don’t have” point, and Saer has only just gotten into the USA and the last time they came with me to the ER they ended up with a virus for like three weeks and I wasn’t gonna do that to them again!!) and finally when I got to that hospital they were like “yeah we won’t be able to do the probe until Monday so eat something and then tomorrow you’re on a liquid diet and then nothing by mouth after midnight” so they scrounged me up some chicken broth and orange juice at like ten o’clock at night and gave me Those Good Good Meds and I slept in a decent hospital bed instead of on a fucking ER bed like Friday night (since they were transferring me at the local hospital they didn’t admit me and I slept in the ER. yeah. i hurt too badly to sleep on my side even with pain meds, and I slept on an ER bed. I had to sleep all day Saturday on and off just to get vaguely rested, but honestly? this whole ordeal has been an adventure in sleep deprivation despite heavy sedatives)

Monday rolls around and they take me for the ERCP (iirc thats what it was) where they put a thing down my throat and cut the bile duct wider so the stone could pass, get that bitch cleared up, all is well. I was heavily sedated and remember none of it, just waking up with different pain in my stomach and the world’s worst sore throat.

I was on a liquid diet from that and until the extraction on Wednesday. I have drank my weight in broth and orange juice.

Wednesday they take me in to remove my gallbladder. It was supposed to be a simple laparoscopic procedure, nip it out, pull it, I go home in a couple days with a couple small cuts on my belly. My dad (and several other people) reassured me that it was routine and quick, and is an easy procedure that should take 2 hours at most. I told him, “Listen, with me, literally nothing is ever easy and you know that”

Fast forward to me waking up and my first thought is “is that a catheter? guess it didnt go so easy after all.” I’m pretty sure the first words I said as I woke up were “told you it wouldnt be easy” lmao

Remember how hospital #1 told me that my gallbladder wasn’t inflamed and there were only a couple gallstones?

It was chock goddamn full of gallstones and so inflamed that when they tried to get it out laparoscopically, it tore. He spent an hour trying to get it out that way safely before realizing that his only recourse is to cut me open and get it out that way. The procedure took closer to 5 hours.

I have at least 20 staples in my belly now and I hope I get a cool fuckin scar but shit hurts still. I was in the hospital slowly ramping up to eating solid food again until Friday when I was allowed to go home to Saer. I can’t lift anything more than 20 pounds for another like month, and my range of motion is a fraction of what it was before. I’m so easily exhausted now and i can barely do anything and it’s really fucking pathetic??? and every time I bring that up Saer is like “they TOOK your ORGAN” so

(its really sad that i’m so conditioned that If I’m Not Doing Everything I Can All The Time Then I’m Not Trying Hard Enough that even after having full surgery to remove an organ I’m like NO I CAN DO THE THING and then end up hurting myself s-sobs)

(we watched the episode of b99 today where gina comes back after getting hit by a bus and when she tried to dance while still in the halo saer pointed at her and was like “it u” and i was like “exCUSE” but like, tru)

anyhow, im home, and i have my wife with me, and saer is such a blessing right now because i cannot do SHIT and they need to help me off the couch sometimes if my dumb ass gets in a position with no leverage, and also ive already fallen off the couch like twice because i was like NO I GOT IT and saer was across the room like BEB NO U DONT and yeah im stubborn and stupid ok saer is saving me from myself for the most part

also also the app i drive for is shutting down in my city at the start of december hhhhh so now i also have to fuckin... find a job like this and uGH do not WANT ffff

but yeah thats something even my parents have okayed me holding off on until I’m better so if even my fuckin parents are like “pls chill???” yall know im fucked up

however i’m mostly weaned off opiod pain meds now and am only using them at night when it’s worse and hard to sleep, tylenol tends to take care of it well enough now. my range of motion is improving, too, but i am just still so easily tired that its frustrating. we went grocery shopping yesterday and even in the little motor scooter i was completely worn out by the end of it.

but im alive! all is well! i will continue improving! sorry for being so quiet during this but like I said, i’ve been some level of sedated for most of this event. not fully sedated except for the two procedures, but fentanyl and dilautin (ok i have no idea what it actually is and google isnt helping but i had a button for it) and then morphine and hydrocodone on top of not getting restful sleep At All due to pain, discomfort, and people coming in every hour for vitals checks... I was fuckin Gone i got fuckall done rip

however once my pain-induced blood pressure spike was lowered (i saw them take it at the ER and it was fuckin RED) everyone was like “...you have really good blood pressure??” like i’m pretty sure i have low blood pressure naturally and my size/genetics gives me high blood pressure and they kinda cancel each other out, but yeah. pretty cool.

my family kept swinging between “IF YOURE IN THAT MUCH PAIN FOR 24 HOURS YOU GO TO THE ER. YOU DO NOT WAIT THREE DAYS.” and “...jesus christ you have a high pain tolerance”

//throws the horns thats what chronic pain does to ya baybee

my mom especially was impressed because she was just like “you’re so calm talking to them about how much it hurts how are you doing that” and im just like “its literally wasted energy to freak out and i hurt too badly to move so im just gonna sit here and tell them im a ten and hope they take pity on me because i have no other options”

anyhow fun new experience and im pretty sure ive broken my brother’s hospitalization record and also pretty sure i’ve got enough medical debt on me now that i can literally file for bankruptcy so

also i can feel a void near my ribs and it is so bizarre yall fuckin organs need to close the gap asap bc this shit weird as hell

[lostinprocrastination]

So I just got home from Endgame and I got some things to say (spoilers ahead, tagged as such):

1. ALL THOSE FIERCE WOMEN HOLY SHIT THAT SCENE!!!!! Make a movie (or two, or ten) focused on Marvel heroines NOW pls!!!! (And get Lupita too when she isn't busy doing awesome stuff with Jordan Peele pls and thank you.)

2. Clint and Nat's friendship is so intense and pure I can't even take it

3. Incidentally, I liked that they didn't really retcon that awful Nat/Bruce nonsense, because that would have been even more ridiculous, but scaled it waaaaaaaaay back to put laser focus on her connection with Clint instead. I used to ship them back in the day and when it was revealed he had a wife and kids - who she actually knew and was friends with, if I remember correctly - I was kind of pissed, but it was so much better the way they did it... A depiction of true, incredibly committed and loving relationship without any hint of romance/sex sends a really powerful message. They are just wonderful.

4. Rest in peace, Nat, you beautiful soul. I love how she's platinum blonde right after the events of Infinity War, but then five years later she has long wavy hair with her natural red color and the tips are still blonde because she doesn't have time for hairstyling bullshit. It's those little details that made me appreciate the movie even more.

5. What sucks the most about Nat dying is that now we can be 100% sure that the Black Widow solo movie will be a prequel/origin story and at this point is it really necessary? I mean, I'll still watch it, but it should have been done YEARS ago.

6. Another detail I loved was how skinny Tony is in the very beginning when he's in the ship with Nebula and then when Carol gets them to Earth he's weak in a wheelchair with and IV. The hairstyle and makeup and probably graphics teams really nailed it in this movie.

7. Speaking of Tony, r.i.p. Mr. Stark. You really had a heart afterall.

8. Anytime an Avengers or Iron Man movie comes out I say this, but regardless of how you feel about Gwyneth Paltrow, you have to admit that Pepper Potts is a fucking goddess, and that her chemistry with RDJ is off the charts. (And he *was* Mr. Potts and NOT the other way around, wasn't he?)

9. I don't think Iron Woman movies would actually work, but I wouldn't object to seeing her as an actual Avenger in the next movies.

10. I think I was the only one in a cinema full of youths and elderly people, because even though the thought had obviously already crossed my mind I laughed out loud when Tony called Thor "Lebowski", and I'm not exaggerating, literally no-one seemed to have gotten the reference except me. WTF.

11. Oh, and I gotta say, if they ever do a Big Lebowski prequel (I hope they don't because these things rarely work, but Hollywood never seems to have original ideas so it's possible), it's Hemsworth for The Dude or don't even bother. Thor is ACTUALLY The Dude in this movie, and I love how he's still pretty fat when it ends and he makes Valkyrie Asgard's queen (which, you know, AWESOME). Another win for the makeup and hairstyle department on this one (I don't think they used CGI on Thor, to me it looked like Hemsworth was wearing a fat suit).

12. If only Natalie Portman would get off her high horse and be Jane again...well, there's still at least one opportunity.

13. Was that really Rene Russo (oh wait a second...) playing Frigga? Because if it was there was some serious CGI going in there. She looked younger than in the first two Thors...? Actually, younger than The Big Hemsworth tbh

14. If (As)Guardians of the Galaxy 3 is just Quill and Thor bickering while trying to find Gamora I'll be delighted. Get Taika to direct and Goldblum back somehow and I'll be in heaven. (Although isn't Gamora actually for realsies dead? Or because they prevented Thanos from getting the Soul Stone that was reversed?)

15. I was already upset that Evans was short-haired and beardless in this movie even though he was in full gorgeous glory in the couple of minutes he appeared in Wakanda in Infinity War and the post-credits scene in Captain Marvel. Did they really have to make me actually watch him shave though? Russo bros, you are terrible people who love to make me suffer.

16. What a GORGEOUS sendoff to Steve. I kept thinking he was gonna be killed, yet he came back an old man having spent his life with Peggy. I get teary-eyed just thinking about it, and left the cinema right after that last shot of them dancing in the 50s. Only a couple of minutes later I remembered there were supposed to be two post-credits scenes and I was already gone, so...if anyone cares to tell me what they were or have a link to videos of them I can watch, please hit my inbox!

17. Is Old Steve Joe Biden? I mean, the makeup was, again, very well-done, but geez, guys, be less obvious with the references lmao (also Steve would never be toutchy-feely, so, you know, no soup for you)

18. I'm gonna assume Carol's hairstyle is a reference to Annette Benning's in Captain Marvel.

19. Let's be VERY clear here: Thanos only managed to punch her because he used the Power Stone, because otherwise she would have kicked his sorry ass right then and there.

20. OF COURSE Steve was worthy of Thor's hammer, I mean, c'mon.

I'm sure I'll think of many other things after I post this, but for now that's what I have. SO. MANY. FEELINGS.

[lia-nikiforov]

Spring 2018 Anime Watchlist

THERE IS TOO MUCH ANIME THIS SEASON I HAD TO BINGE 37 EPISODES IN THREE DAYS TO CATCH UP

Dropped

Mahou Shoujo Site: Although I originally intended to irony watch this one, expecting something like MahoIku or King’s Game, its sadistic reveling in the main character’s suffering was impossible to stomach. I felt physically ill at the end of it. I’m not, in principle, opposed to gory stuff, y’all know I sat through the whole stupidity that was King’s Game, but MahoSite doesn’t even reach the level of ridiculous over the topness to make it funny, it’s just a cascade of misery porn with not a single moment of levity or triumph for the heroine. I think I was done the moment that gratuitous “if you punch my stomach my period won’t come” line, because apparently some dudes get off on the idea of a woman being so brutalized she stops menstruating??????

Kakuriyo Yadomeshi: I was willing to give this one the three-episode trial after the first episode in spite of the godawful main love interest and the fact that the grandfather sold the MC into literal slavery wtf, because the main girl seems proactive and independent buuuuuuut fuck I hated episode 2. Not only does she seem to quickly forgive her grandfather for SELLING HER OFF, the men around her keep speaking over her and making decisions for her and she turns out to be just independent enough to not be a complete doormat, but not enough to appear defiant and I hate it. Thanks but no thanks, I ain’t here to see a romantization of being literally sold into an arranged marriage.

YOU THINK?!

Cutie Honey Universe: Before this, I’d had zero interaction with any other iteration of Cutie Honey, so I wasn’t sure of what to expect beyond knowing this was from the creator of Devilman. Certainly blatant homophobic jokes and jokes about physical abuse wasn’t in my list of thigs I expected to see, yet here we are. I ain’t here for “hyuk hyuk look at these fat/butch/ugly lesbians, aren’t they ridiculous” jokes either.

Butlers x Battlers: I completely forgot I watched this one. I don’t remember anything about it except being confused

GeGeGe no Kitaro: This one didn’t do anything wrong, but I was never gonna watch it. I just checked out episode 1 because I heard it made a dig at Logan Paul. I wish they’d gone all the way through and killed that character, but I guess you can’t have it all. It was actually a pretty decent episode, and in a weaker season I’d probably keep watching it, but there’s just too much stuff coming out. And I have watched previous Kitaro anime and it’s sometimes too meanspirited for me.

Uma Musume: I didn’t expect much from this show and was pleasantly surprised by the double-length first episode. Special Week was a nice, fun protagonist to root for and although the world-building was weird as heck, it was fun and positive. So I’m not exactly sure of what happened with episode 2/3 that it left me feeling completely dry. The pacing was super rushed, the characters all felt horribly flat, and the races weren’t super exciting because rather than any strategy or strong emotional realization, Special Week just has to start running even faster and faster in the final leg. It was also kind of implied she had gained weight? But then never brought up? And it’s not made very clear why she lost in the end? Was she supposed to learn humility and not getting too complacent? Seems too early for her to learn that when she’s supposed to be an underdog. I don’t know, it didn’t really work for me and I don’t feel like I care to watch more of it.

Because this post is long af and has a lot of gifs some folks were having trouble loading it on mobile, so you’ll have to read under the cut to know which are the shows I’m actually watching oops

Chopping Block: 

There is too much anime and I’m near the end of the semester so I’m gonna have to cut at least one -preferably two- of these shows

Sword Art Online Alternative: This was another one I intended to hatewatch? But rather than offensive or idiotic it’s so far been pretty boring. Episode one was a slog. The first half of episode two was a horrendous spectacle of hating your own body. The only think I liked was the friendship between LLENN and Pito (btw Pito meand ‘dick’ in Spanish and every time she says “call me Pito” I die). Then episode 3 was more boring exposition. FPS games are the least interesting I could think of, and I’ve never been into Let’s Play, so this show is hitting all the right notes to make me bored out of my mind. I also don’t appreciate the big dude not telling Llenn the plan and just kind of being condescending to her. If next episode is just 20 more minutes of the dude explaining things to Llenn, I’m out. (Also, Pito is 100% Elsa Kanzaki)

Legend of the Galactic Heroes: Not feeling this reboot at all. It’s all very dry and just dudes expositioning strategy at each other. Also there are 30 characters in the Ending and only 2 of them are women???? I’ll give it one more episode, but tbh I’ve had problems even paying attention to 2 and 3, it just doesn’t grab me.

Libra of Nil Admirari: Although I like the heroine and she might be one of the strongest reverse harem heroines I’ve seen, the plot itself is very... eh. The guys are also very uninteresting so far. There’s also the fact that Tsumugi claims to have no interest in men or love, but this being a reverse harem with a bevy of men starved for her attention makes me worry this’ll end with her being “fixed” by an actual nice guy who is worthy of her or something. But the OP is very cute!

Hatewatch

Darling in the Franxx: Boy oh boy, the otaku have been creaming their pants and tearing their clothes off for the last three weeks, but “Don’t call it Fucking, It’s Making Love” in the Franxx’s greatest achievement in my eyes is going for idiotically offensive to just bland and clichéd. A recent AMA on reddit with the producer seems to imply that none of the themes of sex, gender and heterosexism that have been at the core of the show were even properly thought out, nor were their implications even remotely considered. I don’t know if the show’s heterosexism would be worse if it was active propaganda rather than what it seems to be: a bunch of ideas the producers thought would be “cool” and “titillating” with no particular meaning to them. Also we’re 15 episodes in and all we’ve achieved is Palurdo has finally tamed his beast waifu who is Not Like Other Girls. Oh, and I guess the monsters actually had humans in there, what a shocker, never seen that before, never expected such a clever twizzzzzzzz....

Mid Priority

Tokyo Ghoul: Re : I thought I was done with Tokyo Ghoul after trying to read the manga and being bored shitless by all the unnecessary exposition, but this one, while not quite excellent, managed to pique my interest. The conceit of Kaneki losing his memories and joining the Doves and helping in exterminating ghouls I’m super not interested in, but his encounter with Nishio has made me curious enough about what has happened with the rest of the characters to keep watching for now.

Rokuhodou Biyori: The iyashikei show of the season I guess. The guys’ personalities are a little bland, so I might bump it down to the chopping block, but it’s only been two episodes, so I want to give it a fair chance

Persona 5: My history with Persona has never been good. Episode 1 of P4 made me sleep, and I watched the first P3 movie THREE TIMES and never managed to parse wtf it was about. This show shares some of the same problems in making me struggle to pay attention, but at least so far the plot seems interesting, the visuals are creative and striking, and I really like the main character’s design. I’m also more inclined to keep watching because Sayokan directed the OP for the videogame.

Hisone to Masotan: There’s a cynical part of me that watches this show and feels like I’m watching a commercial for the JSDF. Yvan eht nioJ, come join us, we have cool dragons!!! I also don’t love the fact that the dragon turns into a plane :/ BUT the characters have a lot of heart, the dynamics so far between Hisone and Masotan and Hisone and Kanzaki have been very touching. A part of me though, wishes Hisone had stuck with Otofu because it’s such a cute name and she sounded really funny yelling “OTOFU!!!”

Safe Sequels

Although some of these sequels would go in higher categories, I was unsure about how to rank them -especially the 2-cour ones- compared to some of my top premieres of the season, so I’m just putting them all together because there are A LOT of sequels.

Yowapeda Glory Line: FINALLY SOMETHING POSITIVE HAPPENED FOR SOHOKU. I was starting to feel exhausted with all the gloominess, especially for seeing Teshima punished, HE DESERVES EVERY GOOD THING. Now we can get back on track and hopefully have a fun race without Teshima brooding all the way through the episode. ALSO THANK YOU FOR THE EXCELLENT TESHIAO CONTENT

Nanatsu no Taizai: FINALLY ESCANOR SHOWED UP. It’s felt like the first half of the show dragged a lot compared to the manga, so I’m happy we’ve reached one of the coolest parts. Though if memory serves, the rest of the season will be spent floundering around, but damn, the Escanor vs Galand battle is very satisfying to watch.

Lupin III Part V: So this time around they’ve added the social media factor into Lupin’s adventures, and so far the result has been quite interesting. I don’t have a lot to say, the artstyle looks closer to classic versions of the franchise and has lost some of the edge from part IV, but the comedy and Lupin’s plans are still creative and fun to watch, even adding a unique spin to the social media component, so I’m excited to see where they take this. But we need more Fujiko yesterday pls

Binan Koukou Chikyuu Boueibu Happy Kiss: A soft reboot of this magical girl parody franchise, with frillier costumes and even more ridiculous attacks and transformations, and I’m here for it. I do wish we’d get at least some cameos from the original gang. I also feel that so far, apart from the Red guy (Kyotaro?) the others don’t seem to have much of a distinctive personality. It’s only episode three, so hopefully that’s something we’ll see developed as the show goes on.

Hozuki no Reitetsu: It’s the same as it’s always been, a brilliantly dry workplace comedy. If you haven’t watched the previous seasons, you’re missing out on one of the best comedies of this decade.

Boku no Hero Academia 3: After the recap first episode, the series has gone back full gear ahead into the next story arc and so far it looks pretty cool. Although I’m never a fan of “regular MC activity gets interrupted by villains”. Idk why it bothers me a lot -a prime example being the S Class exam getting cut short in Fairy Tail and the concept of S Class mages completely ditched thereon after. But anyway, I have faith in the writing that they’ll make this villain interruption cool and worth it. I do however wish they’d let us meet the Class B guys better.

Steins;Gate 0: You know, I was 100% ready to be disappointed and abandon this one right away, but damn, damn have these first two episodes been brilliant. The nuances in Okabe’s characterization, the portrayal of his grief, and his more mature attitude seem like a mirror of the watcher who has grown all the same in the seven years since the show’s original season. I’m hoping the teases about Maho as a potential love interest are a red herring, but other than that, I’m blown away by how good it has been so far. Just delete Daru please.

Card Captor Sakura: Clear Card: Things have started happening! We’re starting to see that Akiho’s mysterious book is somehow having an effect over the events of Sakura’s life. The episode with the animals was particularly strong, with a new card that had a nice renovated design, and a really emotionally effective scene of Sakura and Syaoran embracing to help Sakura regain confidence to save her friends. It’s one of the strongest episodes of the series so far, so hopefully we’ll have more of those and less of the “finding a card that only minimally makes 10 cm from a bookshelf disappear” type. As a sidenote, I find Akiho’s obsession with Sakura’s play a bit offputting.

High Priority

Mahou Shojo Ore: Given how little I knew about this series going in and how excited I was about it in spite of it, I’m pleased to report the show has lived up to my expectations in one way or another. The weird comedy is on point and also everyone is fucking gay. I’m rooting for you Blue Girl! Easily the superior show with Mahou Shoujo in its title.

Hinamatsuri: You know, I didn’t have super high expectations for this one, but it’s turned out to be a very nice surprise. It has that charming paternal relationship between Nitta and Hina that is cute and hilarious. I have to say I’m not super into the classmate-forced-to-become-a-bartender storyline and I’m not sure how that even fits with the rest of the show, so I hope there won’t be a lot of vignettes about it.

Piano no Mori: Wonky CGI and occassionally questionable character design choices (Ajino was so BEAUTIFUL in his youth, why does he look so ridiculous in the present?!!!) aside, this has been one of the strongest premieres of the season. I know fans of the manga have criticized it, but as someone unfamiliar with the original, I’m definitely intrigued by this story.

BESTEST

Megalobox: This one wasn’t on my radar at all. It’s one of those numerous cases of me seeing a title that sounds stupid and deciding to ignore the show based on that alone. I’m glad I stumbled on all the praise the premiere episode received because damn is it good. The story behind the cameras is that this is a 50th anniversary project for Ashita no Joe, and it was meant to be a reboot, but the director couldn’t find a way to make it work, so he created something entirely new, and aren’t we glad about that. It has a unique retro look and although the plot beats do call back to Ashita no Joe, our Joe feels like his own person alright. I think my only nitpick is that I’m not entirely sure of what is even the point of the additional gear. Also, I know how Ashita no Joe ends and I hope this show won’t end like that too :’D

Golden Kamuy: How long has it been since the last time a multi-awarded manga not only wasn’t disappointing but ended up being one of the most promising anime adaptations of the season? Yes, everyone’s seen the ugly CGI bear, moving on, this is a captivating and unique historical show with a so far excellent portrayal of Ainu culture and a kickass lady coprotagonist.  I am really excited to see where this one will go. Also, it was really exciting to hear characters actually speaking ainu language. I’ve done some research on Ainu history (and kickass Ainu women) for school, so I’m very pumped about this one.

Otaku ni Koi wa Muzukashii: By far my favorite premiere of the season. So far, two episodes in, it’s all I ever hoped it would be and more. The characters are charming, Narumi and Hirotaka’s relationship feels natural and effortless -both the romantic aspect of it, and the way they easily become comfortable with one another-. Narumi is delightful and very well-rounded, being as cheerful and optimistic as she can be cynical, and her quick-developing friendship with Hanako is so violently relatable I was screaming. I really love this show. ALSO THE OP IS SUPER CUTE

I FINALLY FINISHED WRITING THIS IT TOOK FOREVER BECAUSE THERE IS TOO MUCH ANIME