#ive gotten 2/3rds of the way

[helpmyinterestsareverywhere]

Whenever I pick up a Lloyd LEGO set and see a blue figure included I like to try and ignore it and play a game of "is it gonna be Jay or Nya?" and not find out until I get to build it

(It's a win-win situation everytime - i love them both <3)

[mattmaesonnatural]

i work for a media company and ive had this thing for a guy (i’ve known him for 4 years) who i am a cohost with on podcast (there’s 3 of us, the 3rd host is actually the lead talent and is basically like a father figure to me) for over a year now. We have good chemistry and thats as far as anything has gone.

Last summer i had a bad situation happen at a bar and i told him about it and he made me feel really safe about bringing it up to him and helping me through it.

Right now i feel like he is the last person i could trust to bring up that to.

I care about him. I do not think he is a terrible person. I know he is emotionally unavailable. But in the last 6 months or so has been very weird towards me in his behaviour. As in used to be super friendly chatty silly nice. To arrogant and straight up mean. I’ve gotten 4 dm’s in the last 6 months about how he treats me on the podcast and for a while (maybe i was blind) i did not believe those messages until as of late. (He does not know about these messages)

He has never been in a real relationship as far as i know (yes red flag) but I’ve had a few people tell me that he caught feelings and is self sabotaging the friendship or flirtationship or whatever this is (this happened about a month ago) i’ve taken it as he figured out that i have feelings for him and he hates me. Clearly we have not talked about this as i don’t want to rock the professional side of this.

I see this man about 3 times a week. But i noticed he stopped looking at my instagram stories, he stopped interacting with my content, he has stopped acknowledging me by my name (he calls me ma’am), he will ask the other guys i work with questions about their life but never me anymore, some of the bigger projects i’ve worked on some that he is even apart of he gave me no credit or even a good job. About 2 months ago i had a different producer step in to help as I couldn’t be on the show due to a bigger project i was working on, this producer had 8 episodes to take care of and i caught this man telling him he’s the face of the podcast as i was standing right behind him.

There’s a billion other bare minimum moments that made me think we were getting back to the friendship we had. But then theres other moments where it’s like it’s all ruined by his doing. I am a lover girl to my core, my other colleagues all very respect what i do and yet my own cohost has made me feel so frustrated and pissed off about his behaviour towards me i am considering leaving the podcast but i feel like i owe it to myself to be mature enough to bring up some of this behaviour and how it’s made me feel.

I don’t want to make this an HR issue. It feels too personal and explaining this to one of my good guy friends he told me to call him out on his bullshit cause he’s just being rude. That he’ll either make excuses or actually listen to what you are saying.

I might be too in my head about it but i want to be open and honest about this with him cause i want this to be fixed i want to make sure this comes across as i need you to understand that the things you do are making me feel this way and its up to you to decide what you’re going to do about it.

I just need advice on how i bring this up? how i can start this conversation without it turning in to a blame game? I have to do this otherwise i feel like im just throwing in the towel because i got my feelings hurt.

[splatoon-edits]

been having fun with side order?

YES

i havent beat it yet cuz i was speedrunning my catalog from lvl 20 to 100 during the last week of the season.... TvT it took so long and only got done cuz my beloved bff was also playin on my account for me in her free time

but now im distracted between honkai impact 3rd (where my fellow fans excited over part 2 dropping at? i need someone to talk w about it lmao) and the new seasons content. like! do i play side order?? hi3rd?? grind salmon run like always??? continue playing overwatch so i can get my beloved moira her mythic skin???(yeah yeah im a filthy ow player, dw i hate the game too) play splatoon and grind tickets w all the new weapons??? continue playing series in splatoon cuz ive recently discovered its fun??

SPEAKING OF SERIES I GOT ALL THE WAY TO S LAST SEASON AFTER ALL MY CATALOG GRINDING IVE NEVER GOTTEN THAT HIGH CUZ I DONT PLAY SERIES EVER. I WAS SO PROUD OF MYSELF

anyway. rambling aside. ahem. back to side order thought.

i dont really want to spoil anything for anyone but im having a BLAST with the gameplay and story. and i while i do have a few critiques everything to do w splatoon is always perfect in my eyes and therefore its totally fine. 8.8/10 needs more marie and shiver. (not really it didnt need to be cluttered up w more characters. i appreciate that it said what it had to say and didnt over complicate things or drag them on forever. no matter how mmuch i would adore even scraps of more content/lore no matter how unimportant it would be)

[scottstiles]

just found out im 5 days away from the 2 yr anniversary of my starting stackednatural. and ive only gotten through 2.5 months worth of episode dates. ive done 103 out of 327 episodes. im not even a 3rd of the way through. 2 years. ive been doing this for 2 years.

[desthebolt]

For anyone that has me on TH, first off- sorry im blowin up your notifications dbjdhdbdjd i have A LOT of art to upload and im maybe like 2/3rds of the way there… forgive me

But anyway, ive been going through all of this art and its so crazy how fast my splatoon ocs have evolved in such a short time frame (i say short, but its been like 5 yrs now lmao)

Like we went from this

To THIS, and i think thats fucking beautiful

Its just so insane to go back through all of my art and go “not only have i improved artistically, but also emotionally and expanded my understanding of character design”.

Like there isn’t inherently anything wrong with my first concepts of Fia, but she’s just gotten so much better over the years. She’s become a character i enjoy drawing and makes me happy to see :)

Then we dip into ocs from my og works and it gets even more insane. I have ocs from 2006 who i still draw semi regularly and BOY their designs are all over the place. The core elements are there, but theres enough differences to make you go “damn Des what is goin on?” (Sasha [she/her] is the one with long hair and Knight [they/he] is the spiky one :3)

The answer is, a lot! Lmao, but yeah its cool to see the evolution of art and ocs…

If you remember Sasha or Knight (also Rooke), you can apply for a senior discount-

[jacaela]

so, let's sum up all george's plans:

Book about Aegon IV

Trebla: Lastly….someone mentioned to me that George stated that he might want to someday write a book about Aegon IV. Does anyone remember George saying that? Again, this is 2nd or 3rd hand info, so I'd like to see if we can clarify it. Ghost of Nymeria: In the discussion of anti heros, in the tradition of Flashman and etc, he said that he would like to do a book on Aegon the fourth. Padraig: Yup…GRRM was quite attracted by the idea of writing a book based on the POV of a "villain" like Aegon IV. But I don't think we have to worry about it coming out anytime soon.

In 2022 he said this:

I have thought at various points of time writing an entire novel about charater we haven't gotten to yet. Aegon the fourth, Aegon the Unworthy. He's like Henry VIII of Westeros, except worse. He has all these Mr. Sees and he's not a nice guy, but he's a interesting guy. And that's something that fascinates me. What makes a villain? What makes a hero? are there people who are all good and all evil? I don't know, but there's a million characters. I just need to live to be, you know, 150. and I can write all of this.

2) A Conversation with George R R Martin 

...And as I summarized those things, characters appeared, be they major or minor, there was always part of me, the novelist part in the back of my mind said, Oh, I could write a whole novel about that character. oh boy, I wish I had time to, I could at least write a story about them. and I've been tempted to do that many times. there are some characters, it's hard to explain in some ways why some characters trigger something in me or fascinate me and others maybe don't. But a character like the Dragon Knight, this very gallant, one of the greatest knights in, in the history of Westeros or Nettles, who is a dragonrider in the Dance. Where does she come from? Where does she go to? What is her life like? What is her life like after she fades from the public sphere? those are interesting.

...And Rhaenyra's relationship with Harwin Strong, she had three children by him, but we never even see them get together for the first time or kiss. We never have a scene when they first slept with each other. We don't know exactly what has happened and how he felt about that, and how Laenor felt about him. There's a whole story there. There's at least a novella, maybe a novel. But we'd simply did not have the time to tell it. and it did not fit the format of my history books. So, but it's a story, and I would love to do that.

House Dayne, whose headquarters is Starfall, and they have the Sword Dawn, which is even more potent than the Valyrian steel swords. It's forged from a fallen star. And the man who wields it is called as Sword of the Morning. And they have at least in my head, they have a very colorful, rich, kind of mysterious, interesting background that one day I would like to write about.

3) Winds of Winter, Fire and Blood vol 2, Dream of Spring + The Dunk and Egg stories.

i swerar i heard in A Conversation with George R R Martin that one day we may learn the truth about the dance/

4) GoT spin-offs.

[the-slayer-of-demons]

vent post word vomit thing

i have lost so many friends the past ~8 months due not just to peaking but also just me being stupid and making dumb mistakes. this is so cringe to say and very emocore depressed teenager of me to say but i keep disappointing all the people around me and not thinking shit through and making stupid decisions that screw myself and others over and its just like. why is everything not working out for me ?!?!

im really glad ive met and befriended radfems in my state but i dont get to hangout with them very often. the people i spend the most time with irl i am just not compatible with and i feel like i am locked in a cage in my brain all the time. literally the 3 people i talk to the most irl 2/3 are stupid fucking gendie moids that have the stupidest opinions and awful interests and just annoying personalities in general and idfk why i am still around them. the 3rd person is my best friend from high school who is my roommate who i love but we have just grown apart and there is tension and it sucks. my other best friend from high school (who ive gotten to peak just a little bit. but she doesnt like thinking too much about complicated stuff) is too far away and too busy to really talk to me anymore. plus her and the roommate best friend are way closer than i am to either of them so i am just the third wheel (SORRY TO DESCRIBE IT THIS WAY IK ITS CRINGE).

blegh im oversharing and rambling and there is no point to this. college is hard and stressful but i have to do it even when they screw me over and put me even more in debt. blegh!!!

[queenbshoneypot]

LITTERALLY HATE THAT ITS SO HARD TO REGULATE MY EMOTIONS BC I HAVE NO COPING SKILLS

A bit of TMI below the cut

And its just annoying bc every time the camel breaks, its the 3rd time that week and my mom always fucking says 'oh your on my period' when she knows the most i get my period maybe once a year if im lucky and i just got off of a 'not having a period for 2 whole fucking years' situation in january and still havent gotten one since.

And im just fucking tired??? I havent had a room to myself in a year and i feel like a child again. We're going on 8 years total where i didnt have a bedroom, and i'm tired of it. I had a SINGLE year to myself and then grandmas house flooded and SUDDENLY I HAD TO SLEEP ON *DOG BEDS*

And like, i hate her at this point. Shes why im terrified to have children, because i idolized her until i started realizing how awful she was and i just wish i had better ways of venting stress out because rn i want to take a seam ripper to all her clothes and deny it was me.

Augh and venting at this point isnt helping, its just me screaming into the only void i have rn.

I dont have glasses, i dont have an id, i dont have a drivers license, FUCK these people have prevented me from VOTING. I cant get out at this point and every time ive tried things get canceled.

I want out. So badly. I always thought i was so lucky and now i realize im not prepared for life outside of this house and i cant tell anymore if they did it on purpose or not.

[littlelambdrgnfly]

Ok since you reblogged that one post I hope you know I reread The Sum of Them for the 3rd time, maybe like a month ago, up until the last chapter and i never finished it cause i didnt want to experience it ending again (if that makes sense), i wish it never ended. I wish they could play baby games forever but its so important it does end because the ending is soo beautiful but so devastating, and it's beautiful because its so devastating, and my heart cant take experiencing that again :'-(

i already sent a message on here saying that your fic was the first fic to make me cry, possibly the first piece of LITERATURE in general to make me cry (i could be wrong but i cant remember any piece before that), and it made me cry 2 times when reading it for the first time. It is truly my favorite piece of McLennon fanfiction, but the only reason i dont fully consider it mine is that if someone were to ask me, it'd be too taboo/freaky to say but its truly one of the most heartfelt and complex ways ive ever seen anyone portray John and Paul while also feeling completely accurate and realistic. My god. And i love so many of your other fics too but The Sum of Them really means so much to me and I cant even say that enough. i wish you could just live as me and be inside my mind to fully grasp how much of an affect it had on me, I dont think i will ever be able to explain it sadly </3. But just know out of every McLennon fic ive ever read (and ive read many), THAT one is my very favorite out of like 100+. The way you characterize them is just so completely different from any other fic ive read and its so intimate and raw and holy shit i dont even have the words. Sorry i know im rambling at this point but I just think about it a lot! Also your fics are the only fics i enjoy anymore, (recent) beatles fics have gone down the drain in my opinion and yours are the only ones i can be satisfied with because, as far as im concerned, anything you write is automatically in-character for them after reading The Sum of Them lol x) thank you so SO much for writing cause it's truly exposed so many of my own desires and hidden , sensitive parts of myself that couldn't be excavated any other way without your work 💖

Dude... this is legitimately one of the best comments I've ever gotten. I wish I could memorize all of this and replay it for myself whenever I'm feeling blue. Thank you so so much, it means the world to me! I think all writers insert their own thoughts and emotions into their work, and I definitely do that in all of mine, but especially The Sum of Them. This fic is basically my wishlist of things I would do with a partner, as well as coming to better terms with my own kinks, so I'm glad it's been able to resonate with people. I'm also glad that I managed to keep John and Paul in character, even if John is crying every other paragraph lmao! I totally get what you're saying about wishing I could experience what you did, I wish I could too. Sometimes I reread my fics with the mindset of someone reading it for the first time, but it's just not the same. I'd give my left tit for more writers on my level or higher who wrote bottom!John or even ABDL fics, I swear. I don't read a lot of fics these days, but I'm usually disappointed whenever I check the Beatles tab. I'm also really really bad at remembering titles and author names, so I never remember what fics that I like! Thank God for bookmarks. I definitely understand not wanting to tell people that this is your favorite fic though, lol! I've been writing Beatles fics for a long time, but I created a new account on AO3 when I started writing these fics. I'm comfortable talking about this stuff, but only with the help of an alternate profile. I'm really really happy to help people explore this side of themselves though-- too often fics like mine are just really gross over-the-top and completely unrealistic portrayals in my opinion, and I guess I wanted to bring something sweeter and more realistic to the table. <3

[antisocialsln]

i feel like im dying. nobody wants me around anymore. everyones making it painfully clear theyre sick of me. im a hypocrite. i get upset that they choose drugs over me and drinking over me when i do the same anyway. im high most of the time i spend awake and if i can drag myself to the fucking store im drinking and ive just stopped addressing it now. the ghosts are out to get me. something followed me home the other day i saw it in the mirror it laughed in my ear. the voices have been back for longer than i dare admit but im so used to them that its somewhat comforting having them back. theyre more protective now theres something here. “cover the mirrors” “keep away from the windows” and such. theres always eyes in the dark. i cant make them go for long. there are shadows that move in every corner and ive gotten used to the bugs crawling all over me again. my family dont care, i tried to talk to them and all i was met with was laughter. something kept banging on the window, loud enough to make me jump so fast i went dizzy. i got my dad to check the garden, nothing there. it happened again. he was still in the kitchen. he didnt hear it. either time. neither did my mom. i saw something outside of the window but they didnt believe me they said it must have been in my headphones but it wasnt i rewound the video. no banging. something threw my cup off of the side. i was nowhere near it, home alone, no breeze, nothing else fell, no pets, nothing but me and something else. it threw my cup on the floor and it broke. i was having a good night. it was my favourite cup, i cant drink the drinks i need to drink every day without it. my routine is ruined. thats hard for me. i know it sounds stupid but i suppose you could say my autism clung onto this cup so i could hydrate. i feel empty now that its destroyed. i texted my dad. i told him i want the ghost stuff to stop. they need to make it stop. i cant handle it anymore. i dont feel safe alone in the house. he didnt take me seriously. he still things its my fault. he yelled in a public area that i have to stop being so clumsy, he tried to tell me i was drunk. “you were drunk. you knocked it off the side. you were pissed. you drank way too much” i know i didnt i didnt have anything to drink and the only pills i took where after the matter to calm down and go for a walk high because thats the only thing i could do i couldnt stay in the house. its all so hazy. it feels weird. i experienced the whole thing in 3rd person. ive been tunnelvisioned for weeks now. the color from everything is dull to me and i dont really enjoy anything anymore unless im playing a character.  i tried to explain to my father that i want to die. i tried to tell him i know i am going to kill myself and he told me to “stop being so fucking dramatic”. every day now he yells at me for not getting out of bed, for being lazy. but im hardly sleeping at night the only rest i get is in the day i cant sleep at night anymore and im hardly sleeping in the day anyway i fall asleep at 8-9am and i wake up every 30-60minutes until i get yelled at around 2pm to get up. im mostly mute now. nobody comes to see me. leaving the house to go anywhere but sit on a park swing alone in the dark at night is terrifying and im supposed to be going to comic con on friday. i cant die no matter how much i try ive definitely hit 10-15 attempts in the past year by now. 2 alone this month and its only november. no matter how many pills i take, no matter if i swallow glass, no matter what medication i mix with alcohol, no matter how much i bleed or dont breathe. i just cant die. im immortal. and its killing me in a completely different way to what i want. and yet i still have this irrational fear of almost dying and needing hospital intervention. not even out of fear of being sectioned. i almost want to now. i almost want them to throw me in a psych ward and leave me there. the fear is if that happens, even if im just in for a night. my parents will never let it go, they will never let me go, itll all get worse. ill get no privacy, they will be on my ass all the time. just because it would make them look bad. im trying to go to uni just so i can show them i can move out so thats easily 4 more years of this fucking bullshit before i get a chance at being free. i really dont know how much more of anything i can take. i dont want to be here. i really, really do not.

[awphowonse]

I’m forgetting the order of events of FMAB.

I think it’s time again.

[acaciapines]

So I took a nap while in the car today and. I had such a strong fucking bird dream that my arms were still aching from flight and I was out of breath when dream-bird-me inevitably crashed into a tourist after diving too low to pull up on short notice and I woke up

That’s the strongest and clearest bird kinshift I’ve had in at least 8 months. Holy shit.

Have confirmed that whatever bird I am, it’s massive. Like fucking humungous. At least 2/3rds to the full size of an adult human when standing on the ground. Like I could probably hunt and eat humans for a decent meal. Oh yeah that’s another thing, I’m def a raptor of some kind, my eyesight was too good for me not to be a hunting bird, and since I’m huge I prolly have a natural diet of… like. I want to say sheep-to-wolf sized creatures? Maybe deer? The occasional human? I am so fucking big wtf

I thiiink? That my feathers are blue? Like the ones I have in bankai kinshift, and the ones my kinsona has? But. Sometimes they go brown, like a golden eagle’s. Sometimes. And then they go the same light blue/teal/azure colour that my kinsona wings are again. So, not quite set on plumage colour just yet.

I’m gonna assume that my natural habitat is cliffy areas, for several reasons: my size (I would fucking love to see the tree that can hold 2 adults + a nest of chicks of whatever bird is my fucking size), the fact that my shifts leave me dreaming of and yearning for sheer cliffs and drops and the wide expanse of the endless ocean with waves soaking my feathers in salty sea spray, and the fact that the constant whipping winds of a cliff coastline make me spread my arms like wings almost on instinct and make me want to jump just so I can pull up at the last second and start soaring.

I so desperately want to fly. I miss it even though I’ve never done it. Driving really fast is something but it’s just not the same…

HAWKKIN. GIVE ME THY WISDOM. HOW IN THE FUCK DO I DEAL WITH THIS

okay not gonna try w/ the 'what bird am i???' part bc obvi that is something you have to decide for yourself, but for the flying side of things...

IT SORT OF JUST NEVER GOES AWAY. at least for me. like there is always some part of me yearning for the sky so matter where i am and i nearly always feel wings in some way shape or form even if they cant actually carry me anywhere. whenever i go up into the mountains i cant get too close to the edge because the desire to just jump and know i'll have wings to catch me is incredibly overpowering.

like the thing is there isnt much you can do about this. ive seriously looked into like, hanggliding, wingsuiting, but all of that stuff is like. dfngdfg firstly expensive secondly the amount of training you gotta do makes SENSE but i am not in a place in life where i could even begin to deal with that. maybe one day is the best i can really do.

mostly i deal with these longings by like...driving is one of them. less for the speed part and more for the gliding aspect: getting somewhere very far away, eventually. sometimes i see hawks alongside the road so high up in the sky and thats a longing i cant do anything about.

otherwise i write and draw. what else can you really do? it gives me something, some way to figure this out. dreams are good, if you happen to get one where you're able to fly: ive gotten a few of those and treasure them all deeply. i like watching livecams of hawk nests. always check in on the cornell hawks every year. my animorphs fic alterhuman was very much inspired by my own experiences as a hawk.

its a lot of walking down hills and thinking i should be able to jump and catch the warm air and drift lazily the rest of the way. going up into the mountains and lingering far too long in the places where the entire world is sprawled below you. what if.

i tend to see my hands as talons and want to interact with the world as if they are. when i was little i was toothless (the dragon) for halloween and my grandmother helped make my costume by sewing wings into the sides of a shirt, so when i spread out my arms it revealed wings, there. i dont know what happened to that shirt. sometimes i think about trying to make another one.

i spend too many hours looking into falconry and how one goes about getting into it. i talk to people who've been able to band birds and want to go along with them--for the experience, sure, but mainly because i want a band for myself. thinking about getting myself a custom metal bracelet and spelling my name out on it in numbers, in the same way you might attach a metal band to a hawk's leg.

dunno. you just keep on keeping on, i guess.

[notcolleen]

mundane lil family rant for this morning 👌

[[MORE]]

over the summer i had been going over to my family’s/moms house pretty frequently, at least 2-3x a week and weekends to spend time with my mom and make sure everything was okay.

the week of my (and my brothers) birthday, everyone in the house got covid — so we had to cancel our family birthday dinner (it was really casual but we try to do it every year) and i also found out i would be traveling to oregon (and later texas) for work. so i wasn’t able to see my family before that bc they were sick

so then i got back and went over the next day and saw my mom and everything was good!! we caught up and she seemed to be doing pretty well

but then the school year started back up and my current schedule is really split up (with mornings 5:30-8:30 and afternoons 3:30 - whenever the last kid gets picked up until 7 pm lol) — and i have space in between but my mom doesn’t wake up until 2-3 pm most days so going over then would be pointless, and going over past 7 pm would be pointless bc i have to be back here by ~9 to feel like i have any chance of getting to sleep to wake up on time lol

ANYWAY wow so these last two weeks i’ve been texting and calling just to check in, and also calling after work bc if i am going to stop by i want to make sure she’s there/awake/okay

but !

im currently being ghosted by her and she’s not answering my calls and i reached out to my sister bc i was getting worried and apparently she talked to her on the phone yesterday 🫠 so it’s me 🫠🫠 and it’s gotten to the point where now it’s saturday and i can go over but i feel anxious and awkward (and honestly my feelings are hurt???) bc i don’t just want to show up at a place where i am unwanted

but then i think, colleen u are an adult and this is not a child/mother relationship and you also have to see it rationally that your mom is not well and processes thoughts and feelings differently rn bc of her brain deteriorating. i’ve seen it in action that when she decides she is against someone, even for the slightest reason, that’s it — they can’t do anything right and it’s completely black and white in her head. i’ve just never been so outwardly the person in question and it hurts lol

and i think if that is the case, it’s bc there was an issue last week with money accidentally being taken out of her account instead of mine for our phone bill — and im frustrated if that’s it because 1) i immediately sent her the money back and an extra amount for the confusion and 2) ive been paying her 3rd of the bill for the last 3 years bc she isn’t able to, and now money is more of a stressor for me and i’ve asked her to pay when she is able and it has been ignored each time so im paying double and im not always in the position to do that 👹 so the resentment there is …. definitely not hiding lol and i know it but i’ve been doing it bc i know at the end of the day im still in a more stable position financially and will not regret helping her in these ways in the long term, it’s just in the short term sometimes i feel taken advantage of (also to clarify, the phone situation was all communicated through my sister whom she is talking to lol because she was at the house right then — no direct communication through my mom despite sending her the money/asking if she was upset abt it ☠️)

idk this is all a convoluted way of saying im upset that my family still has so much power to hurt my feelings like a child lol

and im also laughing bc she posted this on fb during this whole thing (so i also know health wise, she’s at least somewhat fine bc she’s active on there)

[wind-becomes-lightning]

1 2 3

<3 thanks for sending something, hope you are well

When did you start writing? How?

In elementary school (2nd grade to be exact) in German class my teacher had this thing that you were free from doing the homework if you wrote a little story and read it out loud the next day, which was a nice encouragement for children. ... I abused the hell out of this... especially when we had homework in that grammar workbook I thought was boring as shit. So I wrote many, many stories that year (in 3rd and 4th too but much less). My favourite was a story about a ghost in the washing machiene that eats socks to mess with the family he lives with. After that I just... never stopped :D

2. Has your writing changed over time?

Yes, obviously. Ive gotten so much more comfortable in writing in English over my native language for example. I also don't do dialogues quite the way I used to and my characters have changed with me (like age has aged them too.. etc). So yeah.. it automatically changed.

3. Do you read your own fics?

ALL- THE-TIME! I write the content I would love to read and as such I read back a loooot of stuff I write, especially if the numbers show that its unpopular. I go back to look at it just to tell myself "Well I like it" which is petty I now but it is what it is. I usually skip most of the smut or hardcore making out because that gives me second hand embarrasssment beyond believe... :D

writers asks

[leafcabbage]

hello kale cabbage im ignoring the several assignments i need to do and have come here to ask if you have any things you can tell us of the fic planning i for one am hoping for more quackity interacting w/ the boys(drdi!benchtrio)b/c i just re read chapter one of ssssssssssd(i forgot the name its so long so im improvising) and ive gotten about half way through re reading chapter 2 and i love how you've characterized him ok bye leaf cabbage i have to be productive

hello spacey-rambles good to see you here in my ask box its always nice to have you here, in the ask box thats mine. i can give you some vague stuff about the future (this fic and the ones after), yes!

quackity is definitely going to have a bigger role, as is bad. you'll also see more jack manifold and sapnap. im hoping to add more niki and ranboo interactions. sssd will be getting the dream & tommy character tag very soon and he will be around quite a bit in this fic and be a secondary or side character in others. (i have my characters in 4 categories: primary characters like the bench trio, secondary characters like quackity, wilbur, techno, bad in this fic, etc, side characters like sam, eret, phil, and background characters like george or a lot of the original characters)

the 4th main fic will feature a LOT of wilbur and tommy. im very excited for that one. the 3rd main fic will have more of the entire ensemble. i cant remember if ive told you all the name but if not you will understand Why when i do the funny little drawing release thingy. uhhhhh a LOT of puffy and foolish in not the next fic but the one after.

fucking need to explain the timeline jeez 1st main fic: ycssgwtlfs 1st smaller fic: winterlude 2nd main fic: sssd&owtapg 2nd smaller fic: tba 3rd smaller fic: tba 3rd main fic: tba 4th smaller fic: tba 5th smaller fic: tba 4th main fic: tba

and then itll be on to the oneshots and other smaller fics throughout their future. that there is the main timeline though. the 2nd and 3rd smaller fics might be merged im not sure yet. i think isolating the 2nd one is going to really add to the story though which means the 3rd one would need to be.

im really all over the place with this one but because you specifically mentioned quackity i will specifically say that going forward he is definitely promoted from side character to secondary character. might be bringing sapnap with him. i like sapnap. good man.

this is a mess but i hope it is what you are looking for

[intubatedangel]

Cold Snap: Chapter 8

Sorry for the delay, it’s been a rough couple of weeks but I’m starting to bounce back a little. This probably isn’t my best, but I hope you enjoy it all the same.

Story Index

Cold Snap : Chapter 1 |  Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 |  Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7

 * * *

Carl couldn't take his eyes off of Anna as they pushed the gurney around a corner. She looked... Amazing. The way she rocked back and forth, compressing their patient’s chest, making her ponytail bounce each time. Her face was a picture of focus, gaze locked on the young woman beneath her as she forced blood through Shona's ice-cold body. Damn, she was so gorgeous. The way she put her entire soul through her interwoven fingers, into those chest compressions that bent in Shona's ribs rhythmically. He could see she was doing what he had suggested. Putting her passion, their shared passion, into her efforts.

He took a moment, just one moment, to let a small thrill of pleasure shoot through him. Images flashed through his mind, memories of last night and ideas for when they got home. All the toys they could play with. He took a deep breath, first things first, get their patient back. He let out the breath as they crashed through the doors into Trauma 4.

They pulled the gurney across, lining it up next to the trauma bed. Carl let Anna maintain compressions, as the rest of the team unclipped the straps of the backboard. It was a small risk, but they couldn't get Shona into the vest that was spread on the bed while she was still strapped down. The vest was capable of keeping her immobilised, the reinforced back and its own means of being secured doing a close enough job.

"Let's get ready to move her, nice and easy now." Carl commanded, watching as his other nurses and the paramedic got in position. The ambubag was disconnected and dropped on the gurney as Dave gets his hands underneath Shona's shoulders, Kirstie gently supporting her head. Others held her arms and legs, kneeling on the bed so they could reach. "Ok, we're all ready Anna, we'll move on your call."

She nodded, her lips moving, as she started to announce her compressions. "43...44...45...46...47...48...49...50!" She finished, pulling her hands away and rising on one knee, un-straddling Shona's ghostly white body. Anna helped with the transfer, her hands beneath Shona's waist and thighs. They moved her over as fast as they safely could placing her on the already warm vest. Everyone could feel the contrast, between the heat of the water filling the ribbed plastic, and the chill of the flesh of the young woman they were trying to save. They all knew it meant they had time, but there was still a primitive part of each of them that was scared by that cold.

As soon as they placed her down Anna stood on a step and placed her hands back on Shona's chest, resuming her barrage, counting in her head once more, to allow Carl to give his orders. "Let's ready the combo pads, A/P positions in case we need to pace her, then we'll get her wrapped up." Anna kept going with her compressions, in the rhythm enough to be able to look around and watch as Trish tore open some sterile packaging and removed a pair of large square electrodes. Trish peeled off the backing of the first pad, revealing the thick layer of electro-conductive gel. Without being asked Anna raised her hands from the ice-cold sternum beneath them and grabbed the other pad. Like a well-oiled machine, Trish placed the first pad, smoothing the edges to make sure the foam stuck well, a split second before the others log rolled the young woman, allowing Anna to slap the other pad onto Shona's back, similarly fixing it well.

Shona was rolled flat, and Anna's hands immediately settled back in their prior position, though the pad was now between her fingers and Shona's flesh. It had little effect on Anna's compressions. While flexible, the gel was thick and viscous enough that it held its shape enough to allow the force of Anna's professional chest compressions to translate straight through to Shona's sternum, forcing it down and simulating a pulse as her heart was squeezed against her spine. Around her hands Trish was folding in the various panels of the vest and clipping them together, tightening the straps to provide a little bit of immobilisation.

Carl continued to run the code. "Roger, grab me the central line, with the temperature catheter. Kirstie get the monitors changed over; did you get anything from upstairs?"

"No luck on the full ECMO, dialysis machine is on it's way though." Kirstie told him, as she pulled the thick lead from the portable monitor, connecting it to the large one that hung above the bed. It instantly began to whine the monotone cry of asystole and was quickly muted. Everyone knew the situation.

Carl didn't reply to Kirstie as she moved onto the other parts of the monitors. He took in the information, then focused on his next task. He moved around to Shona's head, Dave shifting out of the way. Roger placed a sterile wrapped pack on the corner of the bed, then retreated to the side of the room, where a dozen IV bags were being kept warmed. Carl took the large wide needle from the tray, lining it up along Shona's neck. He pressed it against the large jugular vein, barely visible thanks to the girl's blue skin, then in a smooth motion he pushed it in, sliding the length of the needle neatly into the vein. He wasn't finished though.

Also on the tray was a 20cm long tube, with a spiral that seemed to twist around the thin core, and a bunch of connectors at one end. Carl grabbed it, feeding it into the large opening on the central line, easing it forward, into Shona's body, deep down the vein, towards her heart. Her heart that only moved because Anna was still pressing down, rapidly and rhythmically, squeezing the organ that refused to beat on its own.

* * *

 Anna was starting to feel the effect of her compressions on her arms as she crossed the 3-minute mark. She reached 100 in her head, then started over again, going for a fourth round. She could feel the way Shona's chest swelled against her hands as Dave squeezed the ambubag, forcing in air that was promptly forced back out by the actions of her own hands. The thick rubbery temperature vest surrounded the circle left for her hands, Trish having strapped it together, before working on the lower sections until Shona was wrapped up from her neck to her knees.

Anna watched Carl work, seeing his concentration as he slid the catheter into the central line, feeling the way it advanced, making sure it was going in correctly. Eventually the plug where it split into a half dozen connectors nestled into the port that stuck from Shona's neck. Two of the connectors were attached to a small device that began to circulate warmed saline, the device in turn was linked to the monitoring system and, after a few seconds of calibration, Shona's core temperature was displayed for the whole team to see.

"Core temperature of just 19..." Carl said, trailing off slightly with a frown on his face. Anna knew that signified he was thinking hard about a decision. It took a few seconds, then he gave a small nod to himself. Anna was pretty sure it was totally unconscious on his part. "Let's go ahead with the thoracic lavage, Roger, get me 4 chest tubes." Anna cringed internally, but she knew that it was probably Shona's best chance. Carl continued. "Anna, switch off after this round, Kirstie, you take over, Trish go ahead with the NG tube and then place a urinary catheter." It would be needed Anna thought, as warmed saline was being pushed into all of Shona's IV's, including the central line via one of the dangling connectors.

As her internal count approached 100, Anna began to count out loud again. "94...95...96" Kirstie stood up on a step on the opposite side of the bed and shared a nod with Anna as she wove her fingers together and straightened her arms. "...97...98...99...Switch" Anna finished, pulling her arms away. She stepped aside making sure she wasn't in anyone’s way as she shook out her arms, trying to recover quickly. She then set about the task that Carl hadn't spoken out loud.

In the corner of the room were two tall infusers. IV bags could be hung from the top, like a standard drip, but were instead fed into a console that managed the temperature, pressure and flow rate. Anna grabbed them both, one for each side. She placed them by the head of the bed, then headed for a different corner. There, she grabbed two chest drain units, carrying them to the bed, hooking one on each side roughly in the middle of the bed, just next to Kirstie’s legs as she leaned over Shona and delivered compressions.

In the meantime, Carl had almost gotten setup on Shona's other side, the small surgical kit laid out on a small metal trolley. Anna stepped forward, unclipping the straps of the vest and opening one side, revealing Shona's chest. Her skin was still ghostly white, the only visible colour being the soft blues and purples of the bruise forming in the valley between her breasts, caused by the compressions that continued to make her ribs flex inwards.

Roger had been waiting, an iodine-soaked swab on a stick in his hand. A moment after Anna revealed Shona's chest, he smeared the brown disinfectant across it, from up towards her collar bone, down alongside the soft curve of her breast, and over her lower ribs.

"Kirstie, hold compressions." Carl ordered, armed with a gleaming scalpel. As soon as Kirstie lifted her hands Carl lowered the scalpel towards the space between Shona's 2nd and 3rd ribs. He made a few decisive cuts, cutting through the layers of tissue. "Tube." He held out the scalpel, which Anna carefully took, while Roger slapped the chest tube into his other hand. Carl pushed the tube through the hole he had made, sliding it into Shona's chest, between her ribs and the front of her lung. It had taken 10 seconds since compressions stopped to get the tube in.

12 seconds later another tube stuck out, this one lower down between Shona's 5th and 6th ribs, basically on the opposite side of her lung. "Ok, Go." Carl said, prompting Kirstie to resume her barrage. The ends of the two chest tubes swayed and bounced for a few moments but were soon taken in hand by Anna and Carl and connected into what was effectively a loop. From the infuser warmed saline was pumped through the upper tube into Shona's chest cavity, washing over and around her lungs, providing warming throughout her chest, before draining out of the second tube into the sealed container. This container then fed back into the infuser, which would be able to keep the saline warm enough to be effective.

Carl monitored the loop until it was running through fully, ensuring the compressions were causing no problems. He nodded, satisfied. "Right, let's get ready to do the other side, Trish, take over compressions as soon as Anna has arranged the vest." Anna was already folding the vest back over, lining up the tubes to meet gaps and checking that nothing was kinked. As soon as she was done, she slipped around the bed and took position to repeat the entire process on Shona's left-hand side.

* * *

 Lucy had guided Jones through the triage area, gratefully handing the wheel chair off to a nurse who came to assist. Zainab also approached, having just finished an exam on one of the collared patients.

"Hey Lucy, who do you have for me?"

"Zee, this is Matt Jones. Spent 5 minutes in near freezing water. No signs of inhalation or injury, just moderate hypothermia. He's been responsive throughout, but I'd recommend a full exam and observation." Lucy said professionally, despite her weariness. They were guided into an empty cubicle and Jones was assisted onto the bed. Lucy leaned against a pillar relaxing a little as Zainab took a chart and started to note things down. "You might want to give psych a call." Lucy's voice carried a joking tone. "I'm pretty sure charging further into a sinking ship falls under crazy."

Jones smirked a little, leaning back on the bed. "I'd say the crazy one is the one who followed me after being told to get off the boat." He still sounded tired but was definitely recovering.

Lucy shrugged. "Someone had to save your ass. You'd be at the bottom of the river if I hadn't."

"True...True..." Jones smiled faded, his tone becoming a little more subdued. "I just hope it was worth it."

Lucy nodded, looking at the floor. "They'll do their best. Just like you did. You gave her a chance if nothing else."

Jones bit his lip, nodding, but his gaze had drifted away from her, staring at nothing. Lucy knew what he was seeing. A mental image of Shona, pale and lifeless. She felt the same way.

Zainab broke them both out of their solemn contemplation. "We should really get you out of those wet clothes Mr Jones, they won't be helping you to warm up."

Jones nodded, groaning as he leaned forward and started to fumble with his uniform. A nurse moved in to assist him. Lucy glanced at him. "I'll be back." She told him, before nodding to Zainab and the nurse. Lucy left the cubicle, initially planning to get a coffee, but with her mind she drifting she was a little surprised to find herself standing outside Trauma 4. Her eyes were drawn to the table. Tracy was performing chest compressions on the young woman on the table. The vest covered most of her chest, but Lucy could see the tubes running out through slits to the containers.

She could see the doctor tidying away the surgical kit and giving more orders. She could see Dave, still rhythmically squeezing the ambu-bag connected to the breathing tube, stood at the head of the bed. And she could see the monitor, that constant, unbroken line that proclaimed Shona's heart was still completely inactive.