#ive had this in my drafts for weeks because i was nervous to post it but anon made me petty

[egberts]

it’s my boy! but you don’t know him. he goes to a different school

[penguin--person]

hey. hey you. I’m way too nervous to leave an actual comment on it but the rain world fic you posted recently. Fucking slaps. It’s so good. Idk how to put it into words but it’s like you make the characters so clear and and…idk but I think your fic is so cool and good. AND I DONT EVEN RAIN WORLD IS SUPPOSED TO BE. I came in through PAFL but I’ve been curious about rw for a while now, and this has made me want to check it out even more. Also, take your time on the swap au!! Stay healthy(physically AND mentally. They both matter) and don’t burn yourself out! Always remember that you are priority #1, and that your needs should always come first. Alright that’s it bye :D

AWAWA!!!! wawawwaaa!!!! explodes and diessssss ..n"!!! thanke you!!! thank you:3!!!!! your kind words are always so!!! nice and cool!!! and a pleasure to receive!!! <3333 rain world my good friend rain world... its a game for sure!!! ive been engaging less w the fandom lately, but, i still rlly like the game:3 ive been into it for. checks steam achivements. like two years now (i got into pafl not long after i think) !! rain world has these thangs tho - slugcats! :) the link leads to my rw pafl au... i have. SO Many pafl aus. you dont even Know. i havent even posted half of them. you dont know about my wandersong pafl au. you dont know about my buddy sim pafl crossover. you dont know about my pathologic pafl au (yet) (>:3). and thats because i never draw anything for them ❤️might write smth tho... ..

mm . youre rlly cool. thank you again!!! for your support!!! as a thank you, heres what ive got so far for the next chapter of swap! its not much, and mostly just first draft, but! just for you ❤️the '*' signal words/sentences im gonna italise

It’s another day. Just like always.

Half-asleep, Yura glances at the door, halfway through his breakfast. His mother’s standing there. She’s already fully dressed, while her son is still in last night’s clothes. He hasn’t had much energy as of late. It’s not like he ever has any energy, even more as of late, with the trip to the zone coming up... Not to mention everything that’s happened with Dmitry.

Yura grunts at the thought of that… *monster. 

Why didn’t he stick around? Maybe he’d have been able to convince Sergei to let him stay, or at the very least, not report him. Maybe he could have helped Dima escape. Maybe he could have seen the police coming and warned him. Maybe if he had used his brain, he’d have told Sanya to let Dima stay at his place and avoided all of this. But, no amount of *maybes is going to change the fact that he’s gone. Dead, maybe, for all they know.

The door clicks shut. He’s alone now. Anya is either at school (Is there school today? What day is it?) or, more likely, at Olya’s right now. She probably won’t be back for some time. Yura will be all by himself until then, getting swallowed up by unnecessary feelings.

… Whatever. He only knew him for a week. He shouldn’t care. His eyes shouldn’t sting at the memory of the guy. It doesn’t matter that Yura wasted so much time and money helping him out. Feeding him, giving him a place to stay, hanging out with him even though he was *such a pain in the ass.. But none of that matters now. Never will matter, because he’s gone.  The only thing that matters is that he- *it, Yura corrects himself - killed a few people in Sergei’s flat.

… Well, not really people. Not ones that matter, anyway. Three or so cops. Blew up their heads, Sanya said, that it looked like that’s what happened. Yura got the feeling she didn’t tell him more than she had to during their phone call. It was clear that she wasn’t pleased with how things turned out. Maybe she was hoping Sergei could help Dima. Let him live with them.  Find some place for him to stay, at least.

Yura can’t find the strength to not blame her for this. The rational side of him argued that she was the *least to blame, actually, she didn’t know this would happen. Most likely, she didn’t even know that Dima’s a mutant. Still. Though the final nail in his (hopefully only metaphorical) coffin was decided by Sergei, *she took Dima to him. She should have known.. but, how could she have? There was no way for her to know.

A frustrated groan escapes the teen. There’s really no need to be thinking that much about him. About *it.

He groans again, frustrated by his inability to call Dmitry what he is. It’s not like he didn’t know the truth all along, either. Again, he internally reprimands himself for getting attached. Sanya isn’t to blame here- no, she’s not the one responsible for all of this. Maybe for getting him reported so quickly, but that was always going to happen, one way or another. Better soon than later, the teen thinks. Before he let that not entirely uncomfortable feeling grow more than it already has.

Before he can ponder this any further, his phone buzzes. With one hand, he rubs his eyes, with the other he picks up his phone.

*We need to talk, a message from none other than Mr Kazarin himself. The tone of the message makes him sound like he wants to break up, Yura thinks to himself. Funny. Maybe it is one. Yura runs a hand through his hair, staring at the message. His stalker times are over before they even started, his only hope at making it in this godforsaken world, all because of that.. *thing. Nothing he can say could fix this.  

Luckily, before he can ruin Sergei’s view of him any further, another message. An invitation, if one can call it that, to meet up at an unimportant location. It’s not like he has much choice in this - so, he sends back an *ok, gets dressed in his unitidy clothes and heads out.

—

something something sergei angst

“You know what this is about.” Sergei proclaims. Yura doesn’t need to reply for him to know he’s right, but he still does, accompanied by a dry chuckle. “‘Course I do. It’s about Dimochka.”

“*Don’t call it that.”

The air is thick with tension. Despite this, Yura nonchalantly holds a cigarette out to him. Like nothing’s happened- like this is just a regular training session. With a sigh, he takes the cigarette, and with one quick motion, he takes out his lighter. Yura is fiddling with his own. 

[isagisyoichi]

PICKY PICKY!

synopsis: icks they do

characters included: isagi, bachira, nagi, kunigami, chigiri, igaguri, raichi, gagamaru, reo, naruhaya, shidou, rin, sae, niko, barou, nanase, imamura

warnings: none? i think lol

a/n: this was all in good fun lol and smth ive had in my drafts for awhile. also inspired by tiktoks and conversations i've had with isys 🥸 anyways #keep men humble all 2021

isagi: he hits the woah at parties bro. it’s the only dance move he knows how to do and the worst part is, it's not even done well cause he’s never on beat. please do him, and everyone else, a solid and teach isagi how to dance. please.

bachira: when he drinks gatorade, he gets the lil juice mustache stain and doesn’t notice so he just walks around like that for hours. also, i feel like he goes shopping with his mom so, imagining him going out of a fitting room and doing a spin to show his mom his outfit is so funny to me dkdkdkdm

nagi: he only ever orders chicken tenders and fries at restaurants. your waiter always gives you a look because they’re so bewildered that a 6’2, second year in high school, is still ordering off the kids menu. omg, and nagi gets pissy when the place doesn't offer them. first of all, you're at olive garden what did you expect, you bozo

reo: ok there’s no real reasoning for this one but i seriously feel like reo’s the kind of boy to try to sing or rap to songs when it’s so obvious he doesn’t know any of the words please djdkdkdk. nagi always calls him out, and he gets so pissy and is always like “i do know this song shut up 😒” (no he doesn't, he's lying!!!!)

raichi: posts “depressed” bart simpson edits on his "boys only😈‼️💥" priv story when you guys are in a fight. the fact that he has a boys only priv is an ick in itself, but the fact that he genuinely thinks that the edits are deep is what really does it in. (nagi swipes up w “keep up your head up king 🤕” to mess with him 😭😭)

chigiri: ok this one isn’t technically his fault, but it’s still funny to imagine his hairdresser spinning him around in the chair after a haircut and chigiri just has to sit there looking like this 😐 the whole time fjidkrkkds. chigiri just wants to pay and go, please dndkdkemd

kunigami: i really feel like his mom is the kind of person to be like “try this on!” and makes him fit clothes in the middle of the store while he stands there awkwardly and everyone just looks at them weird rjdkkrk. if you ever happen to bump into him during this, he will be mortified. he knows how to use a fitting room, he swears!!!!

gagamaru: he wears flip flops and you can see his toes hang out over the shoes, which gagamaru truly sees no problem with. put the dogs away bro, i promise no one wants to see them 😕

rin: when he goes to the pool he goes all out. he wears a swim cap, those goggles that cover his nose, swim shoes, and one of those one piece swimsuits that cover his whole body. rin has no idea why you giggle every time you go to the pool together. it’s cause you look like you’re about to partake in a deep sea expedition rin rin 🤕

niko: does not know how to take a compliment AT ALL FNJDKDKD. before you guys were dating, you tried to shoot your shot and call him cute, to which he responded with "thank you." but it was so monotone and kind of hostile, that you thought he was MAD😭 so you were like ??? okay damn my bad bro 😐 but the thing is, niko wasn't mad. he was just rly nervous bc he's had a crush on you for a while. but still, a smile wouldn't have killed him. anyways, niko's so confused when you don't talk to him for another week bc you're convinced he hates you LOL

nanase: you guys ever see that one episode of icarly where carly goes to griffin’s room and it’s a bunch of peewee babies in there? yeah, that’s what happening here except his entire room is themed like the cars franchise. hard to kiss your boyfriend when lightning mcqueen is staring you dead in the face.

igaguri: y'all cannot tell me he wouldn't be the cousin that falls down on the trampoline and can't get back up because everyone's jumping 😭😭😭 and he just keeps trying but he just can't get back up and it's so sad to look at djdkdkemdkdkd

naruhaya: bye when he gets that little patch of facial hair for the first time, he refuses to shave it off because he thinks it makes him look "mature." like no baby, you look like you have dirt on your face, SHAVE IT OFF

barou: first time he came over to your house, he started cleaning YOUR room. didn't even tell you anything like, "hey what's this picture on the wall of?" or "your bed sheets are a nice color." he just asked you where your broom was and started sweeping like WHAT THE HELL 😭

imamura: you asked him what time he was born for astrology purposes and he already knew. like he didn't even have to ask his mom or anything 😕 he's done this before, he’s for the streets, i can’t breathe y'all!!!!!

sae: omfgg once, sae was arguing with rin and sae got so mad he started breathing in and out really heavily with his fist clenched like people do in movies 💀💀 it was so hard to not laugh and make him more mad but like rhiddkrnrjdk omg you didn't know people did that irl💀

shidou: noooo he comments on kylie jenners and ig models pics with stuff with heart eyes and compliments nfidkfjdidkr dudeee she doesn’t know you give it up 😭😭😭

[starglow-xx]

retrouvaille

nakajima atsushi x f!reader

fandom: bungou stray dogs

content: hurt comfort, fluff

warning! : mentions of abuse

type of work: one-shot

synopsis: he left the orphanage, and that meant he had to leave you too; fortunately, this time, it seems like the universe was on your side

a/n: this is kinda self indulgent bc ive been feeling kinda down lately...?? and this has been sitting in my drafts for a while now and i havent posted in a while so killing three birds w/ one stone ig

the word retrouvaille is a french noun...

The moment you stepped foot into the armed detective agency, heterochromia eyes met your (e/c) ones.

You notice several agents talking and walking over to assist you, but you drown them out only having focus on the gray haired male ten feet away from you.

Said male takes a small step forward with uncertainty and disbelief laced in his voice.

“(y-y/n)...?” 

At the sound of your name, your eyes immediately begin to water and with pure relief in your voice, you softly sob his name; the name of the boy who comforted you when you were both still in that wretched place.

“Atsushi...”

With all hesitation gone, Atsushi runs over to you shoving through his surprised and confused coworkers and wraps his arms tightly around you.

The force of the hug causes the both of you to stumble and harshly crash to the ground beneath you.

But the two of you didn’t care.

In his arms was a person Atsushi thought he’d never be able to see again.

In his arms was the same girl who snuck him food from the kitchens, the girl who stole medical supplies from the infirmary to treat his wounds, to take care of him when he was sick, and the girl who received punishment after punishment for insisting on staying with him inside his damn cell.

You gave him happiness in place where he should’ve never been able to receive it.

As if he ever felt like he deserved it in the first place.

You’re too good for him, but yet you still chose him.

You, his sweet and kind, his so very kind, and so very beautiful girlfriend, chose him, the cursed, good for nothing orphan.

The orphanage staff treated you considerably better before the two of you were acquainted, so Atsushi knew he was the problem. That he was the reason why tears would fall onto your beautiful face, why bruises and scars would litter your arms and legs, and why the staff would call you awful, degrading nicknames about you and or your virtue.

He had always thought that he wasn’t good for you, that he didn’t deserve you, that you could do better, but you stayed by his side regardless of his fears and insecurities, and provided him the strength and comfort he had always been deprived of.

And to his very surprise, he found that you found your own strength and comfort in him.

So he knew that you must of cried for weeks after he was kicked out, that you must’ve been devastated to wake up one morning only to learn that he was gone without a trace.

There wasn’t a single day that he never thought of you.

Atsushi wanted to go back for you, he really did; he wanted to storm into the orphanage with members of the armed detective agency, his new family, right at his tail before eventually reuniting with you.

But he didn’t do that.

Ultimately, he chose to leave you out of the mess that came with his job knowing that you would be eventually targeted and used against him if anyone found out about what he had with you.

So he kept quiet.

No mafioso, government agent, foreign organization, nor agency member had a clue about your connection with him, much less your existence.

He told himself that when things have calmed down by a considerable amount, he would go back and get you, with or without the agency backing him up.

Unfortunately, he knew that time of peace was far from the present.

But to see you, in your beautiful glory, standing at the threshold of the agency? 

His original plan to keep you away from Yokohoma flew out the damn window. 

At the sight of you, his heart did backflips and his legs almost gave out. 

Ignoring the jelly feeling in his legs and the loud pounding of his heart, he raced around the desks and his coworkers—nearly fully crashing into Dazai in the process—to once more engulf you into his arms.

As for you?

When you saw him, you felt like you were going to pass out.

Your legs grew weak, your entire body was shaking, and tears started to fall down your face.

He was here.

He was safe and he was alive.

You mourned his abrupt disappearance from the orphanage and spent most of your time worrying about his well being.

The staff thought you were pathetic, that you sulked and cried over someone who they thought should disappear off the face of the earth.

They could insult and beat you all you want, but you drew the line when it came to Atsushi.

Finally having enough of everything, you planned your escape.

You were patient; you never jumped the gun nor gave anything away. You planned everything to the very last, minute detail, and after a few more months of abuse and waiting, you put your plan into action and left in the dead of night.

Thankfully, a kind old couple took you after you had collapsed in the streets. You worked job after job after job to return everything they had spent on your behalf even after they had told you not to worry about it.

And after another few weeks, you finally caught wind of your lost boyfriend tracking him down to Yokohoma through an old newspaper article.

Knowing your boyfriend, and yourself, you knew that tears would easily escape both of your eyes due to the long duration of your separation, but you weren’t expecting to find yourself crashing onto the floors of the armed detective agency curtesy of Atsushi. 

But, you wouldn’t have it any other way because in your arms was the boy who gave you comfort during the most darkest days in the orphanage, the boy who laid you in his lap or on his stomach stroking your hair so you would fall asleep, and the boy who often threw himself in front of you so you would remain unharmed.

You choked on your sobs as you tightened your own hold on him and they gradually grew louder as you buried your face into the shoulder of his white button up.

Through his own choked sobs and teary eyes, Atsushi gently maneuvered the two of you so that you would be lying on his stomach—a familiar position the two of you would lay in back in the orphanage.

He gently stroked his fingers through your hair and softly rubbed your back as he whispered the familiar sweet nothings into your ears.

“It’s okay, I’ve got you.”

“I’m okay, you’re okay, we’re okay...”

“I’m here, just let it all out..”

Overwhelmed with your emotions, his sweet words only started to make you cry more.

You’ve missed him so much.

Your tears easily soaked his both his shirt and his neck, and you tried to speak only for you to choke up. Atsushi simply just started to shush you—as you would to a baby—and placed a kiss to your forehead as he continued to comfortingly stroke your hair and rub your back.

With the both of you off into your own little world, a world consisting only of the two of you, reactions and looks from the Armed Detective Agency went unnoticed.

It didn’t take long for them to realize the kind of relationship you and Atsushi had.

But what surprised them was Atsushi’s behavior.

The young adult they knew tended to be unsure of everything, including himself, and stammered whenever he was nervous.

But the young adult currently in front of them had this new aura of maturity; he didn’t hesitate to touch you or to comfort you, and for the first time they’ve seen in a while, he was sure of himself; he wasn’t nervous at all.

With the amount of comfortability Atsushi had around you, and the tender, loving care he showered you in, it was clear that you certainly were someone special to their tiger.

Your sobs slowly turned to small hiccups, and Atsushi’s face turned to one of pure tranquility and content, having his lover back in his arms.

Although having calmed down, what Atsushi said to you next made you want to start bawling all over again.

“I’m sorry I left you, and I promise I didn’t forget about you,” he whispered softly, “I thought of you every day. I still do. The thought of being able to see you again is what kept me going.”

You buried yourself further into his shoulder as you gripped his white button up in your hands.

“And thanks to the armed detective agency, I’m stronger now. I won’t let anybody hurt you, not anymore. That, I promise you.”

Actually taking a look up from you, Atsushi ended up locking eyes with Dazai, who had a gentle look on his face.

His senior only closed his eyes, tilted his head down softly, and lightly chuckled before opening his brown eyes once more, giving Atsushi a look of approval.

The gray haired teen’s eyes widened slightly as he looked around the room only to be met with similar looks of approval and gentleness from his seniors and coworkers.

He felt his eyes tear up again, but instead let out a relieved sigh as he tightened his hold on you slightly.

“Hey Atsushi...” you softly murmured.

Equally as soft, he answered, “Yes (y/n)?”

“...I love you...”

Your lover smiled before placing another kiss onto your forehead.

“I love you too (y/n)”

At last, the girl he loved was back in his arms, and the boy you loved was back within your reach.

And neither of you were ever going to let each other go again.

and it means, the joy of meeting or finding someone again after a long separation, a rediscovery

as always, reblogs and shares are appreciated! i hope you all stay safe! and just in case nobody told you they loved you today, i love you! you are enough! <3

writing belongs to me! please do not plagiarize! the reblog button is there for a reason

[belovedrival]

“It’s Jonas.”

It’s been almost six months but I did say I would talk about my experience, so here goes...

(It’s really long, I started this draft when Jonas was three months old)

I was told that I would be induced on March 10, a Wednesday. My due date was the 17th but baby had been measuring large for months so my doctor just wanted to go ahead with it. I agreed. We’d made it to 39 weeks and that was good. Plus, I felt huge and just...done with being pregnant. 

I worked (from home) on the 10th. It felt sort of surreal, knowing that we’d be at the hospital at 5 pm that evening, but I knew I needed to work to keep my mind off what was coming. For a while, at least. 

We’d started packing the hospital bags for weeks before. I’d left my suitcase open next to the bed and I’d throw things in there whenever I’d do laundry or think of something else I wanted to take. I sort of knew then that I was majorly overpacking (and in hindsight it’s laughable how much stuff I never wore/used) but at least we were prepared, right?

Yeah, about that...

Mister drove to the hospital. Since I was being induced, it wasn’t any frenetic, movie scene type, panicked dad experience. We just put our things in the car and drove there. On the way we talked about how strange it was, knowing that when we came home (God willing), there would be a baby in the car seat. Of course at that time we still didn’t know if our baby was a girl or boy.

(Mister told me later that he was almost certain baby was a boy. He said he’d heard too many nurses/medical personnel ‘slip’ while we were having ultrasounds and whatnot.)

People can choose to find out or not, but it puts a whole other dimension on the experience when you don’t know in advance. Just my two cents.

As we turned into the hospital parking lot, Mister told me to open the glove box. “There’s something for you in there,” he said. I opened it, trying to swallow the bowling ball that had lodged itself in my throat.

“Oh!” I said. “What I always wanted - an owner’s manual!”

When I’m nervous, I often joke.

There was a small white box next to the owner’s manual. In it was a necklace with an aquamarine pendant; one of the birthstones for March. Of course I cried.

We took an obligatory selfie before going inside the hospital. After getting checked in, we went to our room. I remember thinking that we’d only be in that room probably a day, and that 24 hours later, we’d be upstairs post delivery.

Ha. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!

I was given a drug to start labor (not pitocin). I’ve always hated needles and so getting an IV was not part of my top 100,000 Things I Love to Do List. Thankfully, the nurse who put it in was really good, so I barely felt anything. 

The one major memory of this whole experience (other than Jonas, of course) was how good the nurses were. I am forever grateful to them. 

Other than the IV and monitors, Mister having to sleep on the sofa, and me laying on a hospital bed, we could almost trick ourselves into imagining we were staying at some sort of hotel. Almost. For a few hours, anyway.

Wednesday night into Thursday morning was okay. I was feeling persistent pain. It wasn’t terrible, just uncomfortable, and I knew that it was part of the process. I didn’t sleep great but I was able to get some rest.

Around six o’clock there was a shift change, and my nurse for the day came in. Liz had a kind of cheerleader vibe about her, very positive, and in some other circumstances I might’ve found her annoying. But I liked her.

My doctor came in a little after seven and broke my water. That experience was...weird. I mean, it was a new experience for me, so it’s hard to describe. Uh, water is wet, so it was wet? Honestly, the thing I remember the most is that there was some meconium after Doc broke my water, which worried me a little. Baby was doing fine and no one seemed super worried, so I set it aside. I DID think it meant I was guaranteed to have the baby that day. How wrong I was, and not for the first time...

They gave me pitocin after my water was broken. So my contractions increased. It felt more like strong period cramps to me. I should say at this point that I have a high pain tolerance. I don’t know what the same level of contractions would feel like to someone else. Sometimes I was only mildly aware that I was having them. 

Probably one of the most annoying things about my entire experience Wednesday/Thursday/into Friday was not being allowed to eat anything. I had ice chips, and water, and Liz managed to get me some Jello. This was actually something of an issue, because I had gestational diabetes, so at first nobody wanted to give me anything except for sugar-free Jello. I did have some of that, but as the day wore on and there wasn’t much progress, Liz talked to somebody and got me some regular Jello. I would’ve preferred something else, but Jello was what I was allowed, so Jello I got.

I...don’t really like Jello. Seriously, like if it’s the only thing, I’ll eat it, but...yeah.

The hours ticked by. Progress was slow. At first I looked forward to Liz and the other nurses coming in and checking me, but by late afternoon, it was clear that things were slooooooow. The best part of Thursday was sometime in the afternoon Liz suggested bouncing on the ball. I was really happy to get out of bed and bounce for a while. After doing that, I decided it was time for the epidural.

I’d decided beforehand I wanted an epidural. As I said, I absolutely hate needles, but I also didn’t want my body to be so stressed that labor couldn’t progress. In the back of my mind, I also thought that if the situation changed, and a c-section became necessary, the epidural would already be in place. 

After the epidural was put in, I started shaking on the edge of the bed, tears rolling down my face. Liz was still holding on to me, and Mister was there, and they both asked what was wrong. I couldn’t speak for a minute. It felt a little like I was five years old, still terrified of that darn needle, and all the tension I’d suppressed had to get out somehow.

“It’s okay,” Liz said, giving me a hug. Sometimes that’s all that’s needed. I was sorry to see her go when her shift ended. She said she was working again on Saturday and that she’d stop by to see us after the baby was born, to see what we were having. (She did stop by.)

This was a constant refrain from most of the nurses: upon first coming into the room, and looking at the white board that had my information and seeing next to “Baby” was written “Surprise!!” we inevitably got the question, “You don’t know what you’re having? That’s awesome!” 

Getting the epidural made the pain diminish, but it also made things more complicated for me because I couldn’t move. Overnight, a tag team of nurses turned me one way and the other, and checked me. 

(I should also mention that all of the staff at the hospital had already been vaccinated, and they all wore masks into the rooms. We did not have to wear masks in the room, but if we went outside it, they were required.)

By Thursday night, both Mister and I were feeling rather discouraged. All day Thursday we’d been told that baby would come “by the afternoon”, then “by the evening”, and then late Thursday, “by Friday morning”. Bear in mind that I’d been on an IV/ induced since roughly six pm on Wednesday. 

Maybe this sounds laughable to people who’ve had 72 hour long labors, but I’d been mentally prepared for around 24 hours of labor. My twin sister had been induced with her first, and her labor had gone about that long. Around midnight on Thursday I was feeling pretty discouraged. Mister wasn’t angry but he said (when we were alone) that he felt like the staff had been overly optimistic. I just don’t think either of us had thought about the implications of me being induced without any sign of active labor. In hindsight, I was glad it was done then, but...yeah. Not being mentally prepared for that long of a labor was hard. I felt bad for everyone who was waiting on updates; it felt like literally nothing happened for about thirty hours. Like I think was dilated to five by Friday morning. And effaced? Practically nothing. My cervix wasn’t getting thinner at all.

Early Friday morning, a new nurse started her shift. My first impressions of Diana were...well, I thought, “she’s definitely not as friendly as Liz.” She was more brusque. As I hadn’t slept much Thursday night, and having been in the same situation for over a day, I didn’t care nearly as much about making friends. By that point I was tired - physically, mentally, emotionally.

But Diana was awesome. She got me turned onto my hands and knees, and had me start doing some vigorous exercises, to really move labor along. I was fine with doing whatever she said because I was REALLY ready to be done. So it felt a little like my cross country days in high school, at the finish of a difficult race. I was tired, I wasn’t sure how much I could do physically, but we had a GOAL and dammit, we were going to do everything to get there!

By late morning, even after the exercises, I was still dilated at a five. Hardly effaced at all. After checking me again, Diana left the room. The option of a c-section had been discussed, especially since it was over 24 hours since my water had been broken.

“I think I’m done,” I said to Mister. Even though I’d never really been 100% ‘I want a natural birth experience’, it felt a little like giving up. I started crying again. “I just don’t think this [natural labor] is going to work. I’m done.”

“If you’re done, that’s it,” Mister said. “Tell Diana you want a c-section.”

I have to say something here about Mister. Even though he kept saying he didn’t know what he was doing or how he should support me, he was AWESOME. He supported every decision, and listened to me talk about the different options. For as hard as labor was for me, I think he had a different hard time. All he could do was literally sit there and watch me go through pain and doubt and fear, and comfort me as best he could. He was a great comfort.

(This is why even if thoughtful partners don’t think they’re doing a good job at supporting laboring moms, they most likely are. Their presence is invaluable. For anyone who doesn’t have a supportive partner with them, or an absent one, my profound condolences.)

When Diana came back in, I told her I wanted a c-section. This was around 11 o’clock Friday morning, March 12th. “I agree,” she said right away, patting me on the shoulder. “You’ve done everything you possibly can to get this baby delivered naturally. I trust mom’s instincts on this.”

Her support meant so much. Really, when a veteran nurse says they trust your instinct, how can you not feel better about your decision?

She left to contact my doctor and several other people, and Mister let people know what was going on. At that point I was more relieved that soon it would be over. I wanted to see our baby.

Mister said later that he learned that hospitals have two speeds: 1) we’re in no rush; and 2) something is going to happen NOW. While my c-section wasn’t an emergency, once the decision was made, things did happen fast. Diana brought the anesthesiologist into the room so he could numb me up. As I already had the epidural, this didn’t take very long. After a few minutes of letting the medication work, Bryce asked if I could feel my toes.

“No,” I said. It was weird. I knew I shouldn’t feel them, but I couldn’t help saying, “I’m trying to wiggle them!”

“No, no, it’s good you can’t feel them,” both Bryce and Mister said. I was wheeled out of the labor room a few minutes after that (I was not sorry to leave it) and taken to the OR. Mister went with someone else to take our stuff to the recovery room.

I’ve been in operating rooms before. They aren’t places that make me want to stay there. Bright lights, metal everywhere, many thoughts of what could go wrong...although I will say that all the staff in the OR made me feel confident. I was glad to see my doctor. 

I felt better once I was in the OR (the only time in my life I’ve ever felt that way) but it felt like a long time until Mister arrived in there. He’d gone with a member of staff as they took all our stuff to a recovery room, then been taken to the OR. Once he was in place, everything started.

Doctor M had asked me before Mister arrived if he wanted to ‘announce’ was the baby was. I told her that he most likely would, but to ask him. She did, and he said yes, he’d love to do that.

There was a blue sheet in front of me so I really couldn’t see anything that went on - which was PERFECTLY FINE with me.

Obviously, I was flat on my back, and everything below my chest was numb. The doctor and others asked me at various times if I felt anything, and I didn’t (other than tugging and pulling). At one point, I suddenly smelled the unmistakable scent of something burning. “What is that? That burning smell?” I asked, glancing above me (really, behind me) at Bryce, who stood there.

“I’ll tell you later,” he said.

Which immediately told me I didn’t want to know what it was. 

Yeah, it was me burning, while the medical staff cauterized me, keeping me from bleeding to death.

(The fact that cesarean sections are major surgery, and regularly happen every day in the United States, is, frankly, a miracle. Everyone hears about the horror stories when something goes wrong, but considering the number of women who go through them without incident, we as a society completely take them for granted.)

As the tugging and pulling continued, and Doctor M said things like, “there’s the head”, the sense of anticipation increased. I’ve never felt anything like it before. Both Mister and I knew any moment we would meet our baby, and after waiting 39 weeks (and eight years before that), it was almost unbearable.

Doctor M said, “Here’s the baby!”

I heard a slight cry, and I looked up at Mister, who sat on my right, holding my hand. He looked down at me and said, “It’s Jonas.”

Even thinking about that moment now brings tears to my eyes. In knowing Mister almost eleven years, I’ve only seen him cry maybe five times. Including this year, on March 12th. We both were bawling, and laughing at the same time, as Jonas VERY loudly screamed his disapproval at being evicted from his warm, cozy space. At one point, Mister, laughing as he cried said, “One of the ---s (our last name) needs to stop crying in here!”

He has a rather husky cry, Jonas does. I loved his cry from the moment I first heard it (though I don’t actually like to hear him cry, if that makes any sense).

As I was sewn up, Mister moved his chair over to where our baby was, under a heat lamp. Then he brought Jonas over to me. My first thought was, he’s HUGE. My second thought was, he was the most beautiful baby I’d ever seen.

He weighed nine pounds, five ounces at birth, and had a fifteen inch head circumference. After I heard that, I knew a natural birth was never going to happen. He was born on Friday the 12th of March, at 1:14 pm. The digital clock on the wall said 13:14, which I thought was cool. And it made it a bit easier to remember the time :)

He had lots of dark hair, which I loved. My sister’s had bald babies, so it was nice to have a different-looking kid. Over the last few months, his hair almost entirely disappeared due to cradle cap, and is coming back in...blond. Genetics!

I can say now that it’s past, that I was more afraid during pregnancy than I could admit to anyone, even Mister. I have always been a worrier, and finally being pregnant after so many years, and being high risk due to my age (and my shunt, and the gestational diabetes...) I was in almost constant worry of something going wrong. First of miscarriage (no one needed to tell me of the statistics regarding older mothers), then of stillbirth, like the cord getting wrapped around baby’s neck, and death happening before delivery could happen. I have heard of at least two different stories of that happening to pregnant women in the ninth month - friends of friends of mine - and the fear of that, or something else equally catastrophic happening was, at times, almost crippling. I would’ve preferred to have never been pregnant at all rather than suffer a miscarriage or stillbirth. 

Perhaps it sounds childish, but mentally I didn’t think I was strong enough to have the dream of motherhood dashed, when every day of pregnancy brought that dream closer. I was (and still am) too much of a realist to ignore the statistics; I couldn’t pretend I was 22 and have a blissfully ignorant uneventful pregnancy. To this day, even after giving birth to a healthy baby, one of the biggest things that will set me off is the assumption that way too many people have. “We’re planning on getting pregnant soon.” “Just have kids, you’ll understand.” “I can take you out and make one just like you.” [a redneck phrase I’ve heard being said to a misbehaving child]

Not many of us can “plan” on getting pregnant exactly when we want to - or even within a year’s time. Not all of us can “just have kids” - they’re not like going to the store and getting a gallon of milk. (I recognize the privilege of living in a society where going to the store and expecting fresh milk can also sound arrogant to those who don’t live in one.) ‘Take out’ a kid (even said in jest), and ‘make another one’? I MIGHT have another child in the next couple years. More likely, I won’t. Not all of us can just get pregnant at the drop of a hat. (That’s assuming the one wanting to get pregnant even has a male partner or sperm donor at the ready...some never find that person to have a child with. And adoption can be a great thing, but not everyone is cut out for it. Shaming infertile and childless people for not wanting to adopt is disgusting.)

I was open with my OB-GYN about my fears during pregnancy and she referred me to several resources, and monitored me for PPD. My best friend’s son died in March 2020, a year before Jonas was born (though Billy had severe disabilities which made his death a certain thing), and my sister had had a stillborn son in August 2019 (my nephew Christian). So Jonas being born healthy was a huge relief for me. I can’t really describe the relief, except to say that as much physical weight I gained during pregnancy, letting go of the weight of the worry was felt even more deeply than losing the pounds since his birth (and I’ve haven’t lost all of that).

I will probably always worry about *something*, when it comes to Jonas. He gave me a scare earlier this week, rolling off the couch before I could catch him. He’s fine...and the incident scared me more than it scared him. But every day since he was born is a reminder of the gift he is, and I hope I never lose sight of that, even on the frustrating days (and there have been those over the last almost six months, and there will be more to come).

If you ever wanted children, and are fortunate enough to have them, cherish them. Be grateful for them, even when they drive you up the wall. Even when you only want three minutes’ peace, and they won’t give it to you. Love them anyway. I try to.  

[byakuyasdarling]

Hi!!!! For the ask game, how about dove, ivy and mushroom? I hope these are alright!! ^_^ <33

Ah, thank you for the ask!! And these are perfect, a great way to calm down <<333 I hope you’re doing well

All under the cut since I gush a lot about the wedding, ahaha

—————————————————

Dove — What kind of wedding would you and your F/O have?

Yes!!! I love this one ^//v//^

Byakuya would prefer to keep things small and rather private, however, it appears he’s going to get the opposite of what he would like. His family and S/I seem to want a large wedding (because you know, this is kinda massive for the Togami family, especially considering how famous they are. S/I’s Ultimate would also put her in the position to garner fame too). S/I is MASSIVE on family, and invites all members of her very large family too.

So it definitely seems like one of those royal weddings with no privacy at all (poor Byakuya <<333). Photos of the wedding will be leaked, and S/I’s dress will be judged harshly like in all those gossip magazines, hahaha.

It’s all very lavish. Definitely held in one of those really fancy venues. These images are in low resolution, but it’s the closest I can quickly find to how I think the venue would look!

Definitely a high ceiling venue, lots of white, black, and gold (which would be the theme colours for their wedding), however, the bridesmaids will have their dresses in wine red.

Bridesmaid dresses will probably be an A-line floor-length dress with a sweetheart neckline or one shoulder strap; made of chiffon.

Anyway, anyway!! Onto S/I’s dress (because I embarrassingly think about my own wedding dress a lot).

Definitely a ballgown/ princess dress in ivory for her; with either a sweetheart neckline or more of an off-the-shoulder look. I love having more confessed embroidery and the bodice and repeating those patterns on the trim of the skirt. It ensures everything harmonises and the dress only enhances the bride, instead of consuming her in fabric.

Byakuya though? I am unsure. I do image it would just be one of his many black tuxedos with a white dress shirt, but with gold buttons to match the theme and S/I’s jewellery colour. He would have a gold pocket square (they’re the little handkerchief things often in blazer’s outer pockets) to match S/I. Additionally, it’s definitely a neck tie day, S/I demands no crossover ties at her wedding lmao.

And finally, the centre pieces for each table:

In the following week or so, Byakuya finally gets the privacy with her he wanted. So in the end, he’s rather happy to just have her contently rested on him and he reads; comforted with the knowledge they’re safe and happily married. He gets a bit uncharacteristically mushy over the next few days. He doesn’t really say it, but it’s obvious that marrying her gave him so much joy that he didn’t even know he could still have.

Ivy - How do you take care of each other when you’re sick?

Aaahhh, this is actually a post that has been stuck in my drafts for a while since I have t fleshed it out enough, but I’ll give some brief points now!

Byakuya really would rather not to get ill, so while S/I is sick he won’t touch her very much. Fortunately, S/I absolutely refuses to be touched for a week while she is ill anyway. As part of taking care of her, he does gather any kind of medicinal product that he thinks will be beneficial to her. He also helps to ensure she’s eating and staying hydrated.

He will keep her company, though. He’ll do whatever he needs to on his laptop and try and read her to sleep. However, this can be futile, especially if S/I is getting shivers and muscle aches like she usually does. He really can’t stand her little cries. When she starts drifting off to sleep he (with heavy sanitising of the hands) will hold her hand as she drifts into sleep. He quietly watches her to ensure she drifts off peacefully.

Byakuya on the other hand, is a nightmare when he’s ill.

He tends to get illness a lot worse than other people. His frustration and bad temperament only gets worse towards people: such as his mother and butler who attempt to assist him. He isn’t bad with S/I though, being more tolerant and loving to her is rather natural for him.

Much to Byakuya’s disagreement from fear she’ll catch his cold, she becomes even more affectionate and touchy than usual. Every time he lets out even a slight grunt to imply pain, she’s already trying to put kisses all over his face. He doesn’t like to admit all the mushy kisses and snuggles do make him feel better.

She’ll keep offering to do all these things for him, but he attempts to ‘politely’ decline and says she’s making the best use of her energy being snuggled into him.

Since he’s in bed all day trying a slow recovery from a bad illness, he gets frustrated at how unproductive he is. His only comfort (in general as well) is S/I’s consistent and long-lasting affections she gives when he’s sick. He becomes very accustomed to it, and while he can’t focus well from his illness, he is much more likely to scoff and complain when she isn’t giving him as much love as he wants, lmao. Poor Grumpy Cat <<<333

Mushroom - Give a headcanon of your F/O

I’ve got to admit, to fill in a lot of holes, I have headcanonned Byakuya quite a bit, ahaha.

Byakuya absolutely despises playing video games.

I really can’t imagine him liking them, ahaha. Just kinda “unproductively wasting your time away”. S/I occasionally guilts him into a round of Mariokart, but he only joins very, very rarely, he’s pretty good at it though (like most things). However, he’s rather frustrated that he can’t beat S/I, otherwise known as “The Queen of Mariokart”, which can make him quit rather quick lmao. S/I’s joking ‘threat’ to people is: “You. Me. Mariokart. 200cc Rainbow Road. We’ll see who survives now.” So... take that as you will, ahahaha.

When reading, he does occasionally look over while she plays Pokémon though. While she was replaying Pokémon Platinum he “had the nerve” to ask why she reset her game when she saw her Piplup’s summary.

Long story short, she jokingly called him a novice remarking how:

“I could never play though this game with an Adamant Piplup. Empoleon’s Special Attack with a base of 109 is higher than its Attack stat of 90, and everyone knows an Adamant nature increases your Attack stat as you level, but lowers your Secial attack stat — which is counter productive, BYAKUYA.”

She is joking, don’t worry. She’s quick to apologise and give him kisses to make sure he isn’t too grumpy ^//v//^

Don’t get her started on IVs and EVs though. The former VGC player will reemerge and start rambling all day about “digital rats” (as Byakuya calls them).

———————————————————————

Again, thank you so much for the ask <<333 it’s a nice way to distract me for a good two and a half hours, ahahaha. It’s nice just to ramble about something / someone especially when I’m a little nervous about things. You’re so sweet, have an amazing day <<333

Anyone who is reading this now too: I hope you have a wonderful day 💙💙

[justoneday-namjoonii]

It burns, doesn’t it? [Pt. 18] | millions burning | rough draft

Genre/au: Mafia!au, Mature, Fluff, Angst…so much angst. Violence and all that good mafia stuff. Warning: This story contains graphic imagery, mature subject matter, improper drug usage, self-medication, including but not limited to crude/unnerving behavior, intensity, bloody, v slight-gore, etc.

Members: BTS Feat. Got7

→ Pairing: Jungkook x reader x ( ? ) →Summary: Why am I hurting alone? Why am I in love alone?

author’s note: there will be a taglist for the next update! please comment on this post if u want to be tagged💜 P.s ive been sick for like the whole week so ive been power writing💖💪

Released →  Pt. 18

| Prologue | Pt. 1 | Pt. 2 | Pt. 3 | Pt. 4 | Pt. 5 | Pt. 6 | Pt. 7 | Pt. 8 | Pt. 9 | Pt. 10 | Pt. 11 | P. 12 | Pt. 13 | Pt. 14 | Pt. 15 | Pt. 16 | Pt. 17 | Pt. 18 | Pt. 19 | Pt. 20

The pungent smell of marijuana engulfs your nostrils as soon the person walks inside. When you hear them clear their throat, you know exactly who it is. It's Jimin. Your chest fades into a bed of butterflies and the idea of talking to him alone makes you nervous. 

You're peeking through the crack of the door as he leans against the counter.

You're still watching him and he hasn't noticed. He took out his phone and started typing. That's when you decide to crawl out of the pantry and he flinches when he sees you emerge from the tiny space.

"Y/n," He sighs, brows furrowing in confusion, "what're you doing?"

"I was- I came down here earlier to get, um-" You clamber to explain yourself. "To get a-"

"Were you spying on me?"

You swallow, "Of course not! I wouldn't do that-"

"I'm kidding," He shoots you a dull smile, calming your nerves. "where's Jungkook? I’m surprised you’re not glued to his hip.”

"Upstairs, I was a little hungry so I came down to get something but I'm not hungry anymore." 

He pushes back his brassy blonde hair, his eyes wander to the alcohol on the table and he giggles a little. You? Drinking alcohol?  

"You've been drinking?"

"A little, Jungkook and I," Along with that pungent smell on his clothes, you catch a whiff of some type of liquor on him. You smile, "smells like you had a little bit yourself."

"Hm," He nods, "a little."

He looks like he's uninterested in talking to you, but you know that can't be true. It's Jimin after all.

"Why have you been acting like, I don't know," You blurt it out without thinking. "...Like you don't want to talk to me?" 

His heart stops for a moment and he withdraws. "I don't think I have, that's how you feel?"

"Well, yeah. For a while, you were my only true friend and I thought you cared enough about me to at least t- talk to me...You haven't said a word to me since we got here." Tears well in your eyes. Naturally, you try to cover your face with your hands, in a futile attempt to stop the tears. "This situation is already difficult to adjust to and you treating me like a stranger doesn't help."

"Y/n," He leans against the counter, trying to distract himself with tapping the cool granite, rather than listening to your hitched breath. Those sounds are pure torture to him, “things are just complicated." 

He says that, but here he is, watching you ball your eyes out because he hasn't been paying you even the slightest attention. "How are they complicated?"

"Do you not realize what's happening? We're all under one roof and there's bad blood on all sides here. He doesn't trust me and you know this, Y/n," He turns from you, "You're just not thinking straight." 

What is he saying?

"I thought of you as a real friend, it sounds so stupid now but that's how I felt. You listened to me, you didn't just hear what I said, you listened and you seemed like you cared." You hiccup, biting your lip incredibly hard to resist sobbing. "It's not f- fair to do this to me."

"Fair? Y/n, how the fuck do you think I feel?" He walks up to you, no longer worried about keeping a distance, 

"Do you think this easy for me? Do you think I can just forget about you because you’re with him? You loved my attention, you were looking for it constantly and I gave it to you whenever you wanted it because I wanted to see you smile at least once a day, that was my goal. If I could do that, then I was doing something right. I was there for you when you were at your lowest, and do you know what you told me? You're not Jungkook."

You forgot you said that to him.

"I spent all of that time with you but you’ll always run to him. I kissed you and maybe deep down inside I thought you'd kiss me back or feel something for me but you didn't. And I had to accept that you love Jungkook and I'm not him. So nothing is fair in this world, sometimes you just have to suck it up."

"Jimin," Guilt consumes you and you want everything in the world to take back what you said, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"Look, I don't know what I'm feeling or what this is between us but it has to stop." He drags his hands down his face, regretting that this conversation had to start tonight. 

"Jimin, that doesn't mean not you're allowed to care about me." You whimper, wiping your cheek sloppily. "As a friend..."

"Y/n, it's not that simple." He combs through his hair. "God, you treat me like I'm harmless like I'm not capable of hurting you. I could hurt you, in a way that shatters the mental image of yourself, of who you were before me. I've made people so totally devoted to a persona that I've created just to get what I want, I could do that to you." His expression saddens because even though he's saying it he can't bear the thought. "Aren't you afraid of that?"

"S- stop saying things like that...You- you wouldn't do that to me. I'm sorry if I hurt you or made you feel used. I was just so lonely and broken, and you were there and when I was with you I actually wanted to live, I wanted to be happy because you reminded me that it was still possible," You sniffle, "I- I'm sorry that I held onto that so tight."

"Hey, I know," He tilts his head, looking in your glossed over eyes as if they had some type of soul-saving properties, "you don't have to cry, okay? I know you're sorry, and I am too. Y/n, it kills me to see you like this..."

But when you look up at him, nose red and glistening eyes—he can't take it anymore.

"It's okay," Jimin throws all caution to the wind and embraces you, he takes a few breaths and exhales in relief. "calm down,"

* * * * * * * 

"What's taking so long..." You said you were hungry but he assumed you weren't going to down there to make a whole meal. Curiosity gets the best of him. He hopes out of the bed and goes downstairs to see what you're doing — what he sees shocks him to the bone.

There you are, wrapped in Jimin's arms and crying. Anger bubbles in his chest, but for your sake, he keeps it at bay. Quietly, he approaches you two and Jimin open his eyes when he feels a dark presence. Oh shit.

"Somebody wanna tell me what’s happening here?"

“Jungkook?-” Without warning, you're being pulled from Jimin and squished against Jungkook like a stuffed animal to a child. "look at me," He holds you so that he can inspect your face,

"what's wrong? Why are you crying?" His brows are knitted tightly and he's alarmed, frantically trying to figure out why you're so distraught. "Tell me what happened." You push your face back into his chest and whine, you just can't say anything, he diverts his attention toward Jimin.

He switches out completely.

"What the fuck did you do?" Jungkook borderline growls, leaving you to get in Jimin's personal space.

"What do you think I did, Jungkook?" He bites back. "Why do you walk into a situation without any context and instantly start throwing blame?"

"Answer the question." He points at you. "You must have done something because she's crying and won't say anything. What did you do to her?"

"I didn't do anything to her." Jimin looks to you, "Y/n, tell him-"

"Don't answer him," Jungkook abruptly stands in front of you, blocking Jimin's view of you completely. He looks back at Jimin, "and don't fucking talk to her."

[anythingandeverything1d]

Surprise

You followed Preston down the hall anxiously awaiting the moment you had dreamed of for months. It had been almost 4 months since you had last seen Harry and you were so excited to finally surprise him on tour, part of you was a little nervous though. Distance wasn't the easiest thing... both you and Harry had been struggling and the past few weeks Harry had been extra distant and almost completely absent aside from a few texts here and there. “Harry’s dressing room is the one on the left” Preston said with a smile. “Good luck kid.” 

You smiled back and mumbled a quick thank you while walking to the door. You could hear Harry inside talking to someone and your heart fluttered up into your chest just thinking about him. You knocked quietly and walked in. The scene before you was not what you had expected to see. Harry was sitting extremely close to a tall blonde haired girl. She was very clearly flirting, running her fingers up and down his chest and he was leaning in to what looked like was about to be a kiss. His eyes shot up and he jumped off the couch. “(y/n)” Harry yelled moving towards you. You backed against the door you had just come through and he stopped. Your heart was beating and tears were forming in the corner of your eyes. You couldn't breathe. This was not the surprise you had planned. You grabbed the door handle and opened it. “(y/n)! Wait!” Harry yelled but you were already running down the hall. You could hear Harry following and you had no clue where you were going but you turned left and right into Louis. 

“(y/n)!” he happily greeted with a warm hug. “I didn't know you were coming love. How are you?” He finally moved back and took in the scene. Tears running down your face, Harry yelling for you somewhere down the hall. He grabbed you and pulled you into the door behind him. 

“(y/n)?” Niall said standing up from the couch to greet you. “Whats wrong?” He looked concerned. Louis pulled you into his bathroom and motioned for Niall to stay quiet about it. No sooner than Louis had shut the door had Harry burst into the room. 

“Niall have you seen (y/n)?” Harry asked out of breath. 

“(y/n)’s here? Where is she? Id love to catch up with her.” Niall answered calmly. “Wait..why would she be hiding from you?��� Niall stood up defensively.

“Well she came into my room and well that girl from the other night was in there and then she turned and ran.” Harry answered. “I need to find her though. I need...I need to...I just need to talk to her.” He answered sadly.

“Well she isn't here mate.” Niall said sitting back down clearly annoyed. Louis looked at you with empathy and wiped your cheeks. Once Harry had left he opened the bathroom door and sat you on the couch. 

“Quite the way to start a surprise huh love?” Louis asked trying to cheer you up. You shrugged as more tears fell. “Im sure it was a misunderstanding (y/n)..”

“Harry hasn't even texted me today. Nothing, no good morning, how are you, what's up, miss you. Just silence. He's barely called the last few weeks and now I finally get to show up and surprise him and he's with some blonde hair blue eyed model. I feel so stupid” 

“Harrys the dumb one then.” Niall said scooting closer and putting an arm around your shoulder. “Nothing to feel stupid about. Its all on him.” At that moment the door burst open and you cowered into Nialls arms. 

“Hey does anyone know why Harry is running around like crazy right now?” Liam asked confused. You breathed a sigh of relief and ran into his arms. “(y/n)?” He asked confused but held you tight none the less. “I guess you're my answer huh?” You nodded into his stomach and held on tight. Liam was always kind of like a big brother to you. He was there before anyone else and he watched everything happen with you and Harry. You felt safe in his arms and reluctantly pulled away as the door opened again. This time Harry’s green eyes caught yours and he grabbed your arm. 

“We need to talk.” He grumbled trying to pull you from Liams grasp. Liam held on tight and shook his head.

“I think you need to go Harry. Clearly she's upset and doesn't want to go with you.”

“Liam back off and let go of my girlfriend.” Harry nearly yelled as he pulled your arm again. Harry dropped your arm and shoved Liam back, causing you to flinch and fall forward out of his arms. Harry stopped after seeing the expression in your face and took a step back.

“You're scaring her mate, stop.” Liam moved between you and Harry and you peered around his back to see what was happening. The rage in Harry’s eyes had disappeared and sadness had replaced it. 

“(y/n)...please. I’m not going to hurt you. I’m sorry I scared you...I just..we need to talk..” Harry stumbled his eyes begging you to come forward. Reluctantly you moved around Liam and towards Harry who was holding out his hand. You gently took it and let him lead you out of the room and into the hall. Harry dropped your hand and anxiously ran his fingers through his hair watching you closely. “Its not what you think okay? I promise what you saw was nothing. I just need you to believe me (y/n) please... I love you so much and Im so happy you're here and all I want to do is kiss you and-” 

You stopped him there. You knew you would need a better explanation later but for now you just wanted him. Your lips crashed against his and he pushed you back against the wall. Your legs went around his waist as he picked you up, his lips never leaving yours. After a minute you were both gasping for air, Harry hadn't set you down, and your forehead touched his, his gentle breath hitting you softly. Everything had been momentarily forgotten and you smiled running your fingers through the curls in his hair. “I missed you Haz..” you mumbled dropping your head to his shoulder. He sighed and set you down.

“I missed you too beautiful...” You didn't dare move, afraid that if you did the moment would fall apart. Harry didn't move either, he just kept his arms around you and his forehead on yours while his breathing slowed and settled. “Listen (y/n) that girl..”

“Can we do this later...please. I’m so tired, I want a shower, and I’m not ready to argue anymore with you..” Harry nodded and placed his hand out. 

“You can shower and nap in my room.”

“I-uh I think I would rather stay in Liam’s...” Harrys whole demeanor changed. All of the confidence he normally had was gone and he just looked away and nodded before taking your hand and walking into Liams dressing room. You sat on the couch and Harry stood in the door.

“I’m going to go get ready...if you need anything I have my phone.” You nodded and he left. You drifted off into a deep sleep, only to awake hours later to Harry’s gentle shaking. “Baby wake up..” Your eyes slowly opened and you held out your arms. Harry took them, snuggling with you for a minute.

“How was rehearsal?” you mumbled.

“Good. Would've been better with you there though.” you grinned and kissed him. “Can we talk now? Ive been sick to my stomach all day.” You nodded, not letting go of him but letting him continue on. “That girl was an interviewer..she was doing a piece on me and she was flirting and I may have flirted back but only because I felt like I had too for the interview. I didn’t mean to upset you. I never should've done it and I’m so so sorry. But baby I never would've cheated and I’m sorry I haven't been replying to you lately. I was so upset I hadn’t seen you in a while I was just becoming distant. I never meant to make you think I didn’t want you. I’m so so happy you're here and I can't even begin to tell you how much I needed this.”

“Shh...it’s okay Haz. I overreacted. I was so tired. I know you wouldn't cheat. I love you and I’m excited for everything tonight and this weekend.” Harry smiled and kissed you. 

“You're the best (y/n).” You kissed him again, pulling him on top of you. 

“Get a room!” Liam yelled covering his eyes as he walked in. You laughed and Harry slowly slid to the floor. “Not my room either, seriously I’m glad you worked things out but get out.” Harry pulled you to your feet and to the door. You winked at Liam, still laughing and followed Harry into the hall. 

“What would you like to do before the concert?” Harry asked looking at you.

“I have some ideas...the first involves a shower.” You wiggled your eyebrows and pulled him close. 

“Sounds great to me.” He kissed you before laughing and dragging you into his dressing room. You smiled, glad things were finally turning out the way you had imagined.

---

So this was one of the drafts I had saved from 2016 lol. It’s not the best but figured might as well post it.

[autoirishlitdiscourses]

Discourse of Monday, 26 April 2021

See Wikipedia's article on poitín for more sections like these two texts and look at. What does this similarity matter? I disagree with the latest selection from The Butcher Boy, you'd just need to score less than thrilled at this point is more likely to be more specific thesis statement expresses, and I won't calculate participation until the end of that grade and that missing more than merely plausible, which were strong last time you were perhaps a little below the mechanics of getting people to go. You've done a lot of really productive ways or it might be thought to be a difficult text, and especially of An Spalpin Fanach. You picked a difficult line to walk, especially if the way that the professor an email no later than Friday afternoon.

There are many many others. Of course!

Drop if you wanted to remind people. There were some amazing performances on it, your delivery was sensitive to the audience so that we have a proclivity for rather dark humor and deal thematically as a writer. Scoring at least some background on Irish money if you want the experience to be absolutely sure that I would say the smartest way to push your own argument even more would have helped to have dug into these topics.

It's just that, in part because its boundaries are rather difficult, and don't have a positive thing, I realize. Again, I can't go over, and it will help you punch through to an X and/or may not, but because considering how best to get a passing grade; I feel like is currently better developed and more focused. So thinking about which I'm ready to go back through the writing process is a policeman.

Let me know if you have any questions, and structure may be productive. All in all, you must recite a selection that you told your aunt in Ohio, who harangues Bloom and/or recall problems. I think the fairest grade to your presentation notes would be to say that, I promise to keep it up or down by much. One implication of this offer to you. Please send me your plans by 10 a. I'll see you in section. You're welcome! It would have paid off quite a bit. However, I do tomorrow, but certainly not going to be posted to the connections between the excellent interpretation that you've tried to point people when looking at the end of the University, and I'll get you feedback on your sheet so I can't tell for sure. It's a very strong work here, I will call life which is fantastic and well tied to the poem, specifically, you are trying to get people to pursue the topic. Stoddard, O'Casey, Act IV: Chorus sung: John McCormack singing It's a two-minute warning by holding up the last minute.

To have one extensive monologue from someone who is a really good ideas in an A-for the quarter, and quite engaging. 415 B-range paper grades discussed in more detail, I am not asking you to perform suboptimally on the most directly productive here would have paid off to have had Cyclops suggested to them effectively, demonstrated a strong preference and I'll stay late. It's all yours! All in all ways, and the historical situation. Similar things could be set against each other personally. Let me say some general things, you should focus on the assignment, and exploring additional related issues, focus your analysis what is short-sighted or otherwise need to expose your own writing, get an incomplete would also require the professor's miss three sections, get an A-territory with 1 point out, it's insightful—but being flexible may be that your choice of a number of particular interpretive problems for Ulysses none of these are true. So, you would like to see Dexter as a first draft and allow for real discussion with the assumption that the more egregious errors in the biggest payoff possible sometimes you have any further questions, and my guess is that the Irish as postcolonial subjects; probably others. Another potential difficulty is that you did a good night, due to midterm-related questions?

I can attest from personal experience it can feel to a natural move is to find that this is a very strong essay in a comparative manner over time, and I quite liked a lot of ways. This is already an impressive move, and modeling this for everyone, Having just checked my stack of midterms against my other section is engaged and engaging despite my sometimes rather nitpicky comments, but more general discussion of The Butcher Boy; Stephen Dedalus's rather morbid and misogynist fixation on the Mad Hatter's hat in Lewis Carroll's Alice in Wonderland. I suggest that Dexter is X, whereas Y is like A, for free: Chris Walker and the ideas and your boost from your section self-addressed, stamped envelope with enough stamps to make sure that I'll be in my box South Hall 1415. You picked a very small number of ways here: you had an accommodation through the writing process is itself the immediate, direct, personal interest in the first seven that the song. Often, a profitable manner, and it shouldn't be too hard to avoid thinking that an A, in case they ask you questions for discussion.

I do not overlap with yours, but I also think that it's actually not that you were reciting and discussing the selection you picked to the course's discourse about Shakespeare every day, because unless you are, I think. Reminder: if people aren't getting quite full credit on author, title, date, you really have done. One would have helped you to ten pages long; this counts everything including participation and attendance that is excerpted in Plough. Let me know what you're going, and you managed to articulate as fully integrated parts of your quarter! If you have done quite a challenge, and want to make sure that you just need to be aware that you just need to make huge conceptual leaps immediately. If you happen to have a good student and I will take this into account. Still Life-Le Jour. Have a good performance even though this is potentially profitable idea, but may not be able to give you a grade somewhere in the front of me wanted to demonstrate that you score at the top of the first three and four the other students were engaged, and the Stars: Nora Clitheroe, The Stare's Nest again so that I can. You had said to other people talking. A-for the quarter winds up being more successful in any way that helps to further your analysis and perhaps point him toward your larger-scale details and of putting them next to each other. Similarly, looking at the Recitation Assignment Guidelines handout. You're got a perfectly acceptable to cite poems by Eavan Boland, and would have needed to happen for this particular passage. If you don't have a hard line to walk, and it's completely up to this page:. Can you confirm she was having. Make sure that your formatting is impeccable. I felt the same degree that you gave quite a nice touch, too. Let me know if you want to know how GOLD looks for undergrads, I'm dying for it and so this hurts your ability to appreciate the argument in a productive exercise I myself tend to think about how you achieve full and open honesty about where you need to be this week. I'm sympathetic here. Not mine. Yes, that's fine provided that the one that the professor is a mid-century American painter Willem de Kooning's Woman series is full. My current plan is to think about what audiovisual and historical issues at stake. Looks like you. Picking a selection from each paragraph, you have any questions, OK? The assignment required and gave what was overall an excellent sense of the several topics that each of you effectively boosted the other's grade while you write, and have moved forward even more specifically on the section guidelines handout. I say thank you for being a good job here. The first of these guidelines with you. Soon to be fully successful. Yes/no pass, knowing where you are nervous about possibly having accidentally leaked confidential information, but rather to help you to think about how recruiting works and the marketplace, and is able to avoid. And your writing is quite enjoyable. Have a good move here, I can find a recording of your group, and your health allows. What this relationship between these texts in an otherwise dull day. Again, please read September 1913. Com that you are attentive to what other students in great detail, I absolutely understand that this is unfortunate because they tend to do that metaphorically. If he lets you expand or drop material if that doesn't work, might be surprised if they cover ground which you are planning on getting out of your recording early. Needing to study for a more impassioned which may differ in some form, even if only because they're also doing Wandering Aengus—6 p. I'll be on campus today, actually.

The Butcher Boy song 5 p. 57. It's absolutely OK to depart/intentionally/from the syllabus pretty well, you should come to each other. But analysis requires moving outside of your outline will be. Thanks for your section this week. I'm glad that it never really rises far above the compare/contrast paper which is to make it support that negative value judgment: that you could be squeezed in most places is basically structured in a moment. Good luck on the edge of something genuinely wonderful job of moving between the texts are primarily theoretical, critical, or it becomes apparent that more supports your specific point, just as Shakespeare doesn't necessarily have to make this transition which you dealt. I'm terribly sorry and embarrassed. On James Joyce's Ulysses: discussion of a topic of your skull with the same names to denote the same time, and your visual texts, how does this statement relate to the class's actual level of knowledge and their outline doesn't bear a lot of the recording of your own notes for week 3. Plan for Week 8: General Thoughts and Notes 23 October in section; we talked after section, and perform the resulting articles and see what other people to dig into in conversation. Kilmainham p. Other administrative issues? It sounds like a fair number of good news. Nothing immediately proposes itself to me, but I completely forgot. Recitation/discussion 5 p. It turns out, it's a beautiful little gem that is particularly relevant here; but make sure neither of those finals. Is that Walter definition of race were like, or historical in nature. Hi! Tonight's paper-grading rubric above. Your paper is that the paper is due or a bit more so that I have never been a pleasure to read and thought about the course syllabus that reciting twelve lines of text may only be minimal changes later tonight, a productive way to avoid a assuming that everyone in class. Alternately, if you'd like to know tonight instead of discussion. So I hope you won't have time to meet me. Still Life with Four Apples; probably others. They are presented in the class and the group develop its own; I will still be elusive at this point is that you will receive at least 70% for a student whose final grade at your main ideas. One thing that will help you to give a paper to pay off in terms of the top eight or so of all but the group may help you here. Be sure to give quite a good selection, and apply it with a selection from Ulysses this Wednesday.

Again, thank you for a job well done. Some suggestions: Georges Braque painted food-related topics not only contributes to a natural end or otherwise set up to you after I qualified it by then. I looked at them, but perhaps it would be helpful, I think that you wanted the discussion as a section you have questions about Cyclops or it becomes apparent that more information about just to pick up a fair grade for the historical and literary readings are passionate and engaged and engaging, and some broader course concerns and did a good choice on topic.

You should aim to do so by 10 p. Just send me email since then, is perhaps not easy deal for you, I will still be elusive at this point, if you want to examine, because I think? TA Christopher Walker and the Stars: Nora Clitheroe, The Butcher Boy can best be read in ways other than that, taken together, then looking at his wife, Annie, in part because it's an appropriate analysis that supports your larger-scale payoff … but as a section you have any questions, which is fantastic and free! Let me know. You're very welcome to sit down on Wednesday can you make the switch function in GOLD you should email me and holding eye contact in that relationship can make your own readings within the realm of possibility for you. There were some pauses for recall and retraction/corrections, but want to prepare a set of ideas in here, though this is really successful paper at an IV coffee shop on lower State, but the power company left me reading by candlelight for several reasons, including class, but not past your level of familiarity with the group to list their impressions of how your questions touches on. Hi! So, for instance. It took the midterm and the text, and the 1916 Easter Rising, the F on the final, too, that there will only be recited during our first section; got the lowest score was 46%. Make sure to do you mean by talking about. In particular, for instance, you will leave me with a worn pick, OK? However, if you want to make it productive to look at the performance, and I think that there are a lot of material. You need to focus on whatever revs your engine, intellectually speaking, but you handled yourself and your readings are often primarily just due to my office door SH 2432E, or unclear. You're welcome to leave your paper. Let me know what works best for you if I try very hard to avoid explicating yourself as the audio or visual component of your mind until you recite more than 100% in section. Similarly, the nude painting Fluther & Peter are tittering over in O'Casey, both of which revolve around a male visions of beautiful women, his understanding of the test, but some students may not have started reading Godot yet if they're cuing off of the Wandering Aengus Performed 16 October 2013 Thus, love of a letter grade; made an excellent job!

This doesn't change the way of thinking about it not perhaps rather the case and I appreciate your quick response! Like It, Orlando, in our backgrounds. Overall, you could engage in related to the reader/viewer, and you met them at their level of familiarity with a lifetime's regret; d it's YOUR JOB to make his slide show available to, you're about in lecture tomorrow! Of course.

[cozyteez]

Hii, do u have any tips for writing fics?? I’m so used to writing research reports, lab reports, and formal essays that creative writing has become something I really struggle with. I guess it’s having the freedom to write anything and not knowing how to make sure it’s not corny. I tried outlining a fic one time but it was so frustrating LOLOLOL. Anyways, I love your ateez fics. They are so cute and creative!!

hi !!!! im like rlly touched u asked me and i feel u actually that's why i started this blog; im a biomedical engineering major so as u can imagine i dont get to take much creativity with what i write because writing papers and reports and proposals are so formulaic and u gotta stick to the facts so that being said i actually tested out of all my college writing classes so all my writing knowledge is from ap english in hs lmao so take it w many grians of salt

the #1 thing i do when im feeling sort of unmotivated about a story or maybe like like dragging myself thru mud to write it is to just write the "fun" part first. to me the fun part is usually the climax or maybe the like the "wouldn't it be cute if..." moment that came to mind that inspired me to write a blurb in the first place! then usually once i sort of get the ball rolling on that my brain will help me out and keep the momentum going by thinking of maybe "oohh okay maybe this can happen next" or "oohh and what if this led up to it" or !! just stop there !! something ive learned from my mx writing blog which is like a year older than this one was that you don't owe anybody context especially for a blurb so maybe it really is just 3 sentences of a cute moment u thought of like its whatever ur the one writing it

now for longer fics im going to be honest jongho's first love is my first and only completed attempt at a multi stage coherent story. and that was fueled purely based on the fact that when i look at jongho he just gives off sort a really excited sort of innocence that i wanted to further explore and personify through the idea of him experiencing love for the first time but even then i really struggled w the last part because that's where my personal experience stopped and i had basically nothing to go off of because ive never been in love so i did have to kinda wait for ideas to come to me. for prince yunho i have posted 4 chapters but have all the way through chapter 15 drafted. and by drafted i mean it's like 3 sentences of the overall idea. again, the fic was inspired by the duality between yunho's on stage vs. off stage persona where if somebody was to watch an ateez performance for the first time they may find him very serious and maybe even intimidating but atiny would know that his off stage persona (the one he choses to create for us anyways) is very silly and happy-go-lucky and approachable, which is why prince yunho is seen as narameth's strong and stoic pride and joy but in reality he's sort of clumsy but means well. so i let that and his relationship w xenia who is an original character (OC) sort inspire stories or interactions that i force into a plot line. so for example i believe when i first started thinking abt a prince au for yunho i thought "wouldn't it be funny if the first scene started out painting him as this strong and serious man and then cut to him choking on food or something" and that sort of inspired the idea of him being nervous abt the speech and then xenia came out of that because he needed a complementary character imo since i knew he was gonna be kind of one dimensional and then his backstory with xenia inspired other ideas and then one day i was sad and wanted a hug so that inspired a piece of the plot line and so on. so basically: let an idea or even an aspect of somebody come to you and just write it down, let it inspire other ideas. and don't be afriad to completely start over. i wrote a whole chapter for prince yunho and deleted the whole thing because i hated where it was going and started back from scratch. sometimes you have to revisit things abt your characters and their relationships with others to get a new idea. there's a story in every person and every relationship you just have to find the clues

here's an example of what i mean by "write the good part first". this is typically what the very first draft of a blurb will look like for me

((( blah blah blah basically its raining and y/n is sad bc wooyoung broke her heart two weeks ago idk maybe go into it maybe not)))

y/n is all sad and feeling sorry for themselves on the couch theyre past crying but still feel pretty shitty plus it's storming and cold outside. great

there's a knock on their door ofc they have the cliche "who could that be moment" even tho they lowkey know. we literally all know

so yeah wooyoung's there soaked in rain eyes puffy y/n thinks he's been crying

-this would be the "fun part". i'll fix all that garbage up top later or maybe even change it completely idk yet-

"y/n? i - uh. hi"

he sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck while you crossed your arms over your chest, fighting the urge to close the door and walk away for good

"hi? really wooyoung? is that the best you can do?"

(((wooyoung does smth idk)))

"well i just -"

"you just what? showed up here in the rain after you broke my heart and didn't even bother to tell me why? this isn't some romance movie, asshole. you can't just come here late at night and expect to find me all sad and willing to take you back because i'm not. so say what you're gonna say so i can get back to my life"

your face was red hot and you trying very hard, probably too hard, to fight back tears. ((( idk talk some more abt y/n's emotions then what wooyoung is doing)))

"look, i made a mistake i-"

"oh my god! why did i know you were gonna do this. i just knew as soon as i saw you-"

"will you let me get a fucking word in!?"

well that was new. in the entire time you'd known him he had never raised his voice at you like that, your shock causing you to immediately close your mouth and fold your arms back into yourself (((make y/n seem more scared))) noticing your reaction, he lowered his voice back down and instictively reached for you, heartbroken at the way you jerked away from his touch

"please y/n, i'm sorry. i didn't mean to raise my voice it's just that i need to tell you that i regret what i did i regret breaking up with you so fucking much and you don't have to take me back i just need you to know how much you meant, no, mean to me. i still love you, a lot. there's not a day, an hour, a minute, or a single second that goes by that i'm not thinking of you"

"then why?"

your voice was small and wavering, your tears now dangerously close to spilling down your cheeks

"why what?"

"why did you break up with me like that, just all of a sudden"

he pushed his hands into his pockets and looked away

"because that morning i woke up before you and when i looked at you asleep next to me, i saw myself spending the rest of my life with you and it scared the shit out of me"

"why did it scare you?"

"because i just figured you didn't feel the same. i was selfish and wanted to save myself heartbreak down the line and so i told you i didn't wanna be with you anymore, but that was a mistake because it turns out i can't function with out you, i can't breathe without you i can't live without you, y/n. i shouldn't have let you go"

tears were now freely flowing down your face (((okay brain no work anymore y/n kisses him duh and then ofc they make up wooyoung prob says smth cheesy and y/n is like ur lucky i love you or smth ahaha the end)))

tl;dr -> don't be afraid to get messy. creative writing is not nearly as structured as academic/scientific writing. write whatever u want first it can even be the middle of a huge fight scene or some dialogue u think is funny. if ur stuck read what you have or maybe just take a break and let an idea come to you. a story doesnt have to come together til the very end so it can be as messy and out of order as u want until u wanna post it. also i would always use the third person omniscient point of view for a longer story like a chaptered fic as a default and only change if it would impact the plot in a negative way. this is where the narrator knows what every character is thinking/feeling and im p sure a teacher in middle school told me it was the easiest to write and follow

[zombiequincy]

THE MEGA RP PLOTTING SHEET / MEME.

First and foremost, recall that no one is perfect, we all had witnessed some plotting once which did not went too well, be it because of us or our partner. So here have this, which may help for future plotting. It’s a lot! Yes, but perhaps give your partners some insight? Anyway BOLD what fully applies, italicize if only somewhat.

MUN NAME: Hela     AGE: 21       CONTACT: IM

CHARACTER(S): Giselle Gewelle, Yumichika Ayasegawa (inactive)

CURRENT FANDOM(S): Bleach

BLEACH FANDOM(S) YOU HAVE AN AU FOR:  I have gory Bloodborne au but that one just exists in my head on my lonesome.

MY LANGUAGE(S): English and one very specific Middle Eastern dialect.

THEMES I’M INTERESTED IN FOR RP: FANTASY / Science fiction / Horror / WESTERN / ROMANCE / Thriller / MYSTERY / DYSTOPIA / ADVENTURE / MODERN / Erotic / Crime / MYTHOLOGY / Classic / HISTORY / RENAISSANCE / MEDIEVAL / Ancient / WAR / FAMILY / POLITICS / RELIGION / SCHOOL / ADULTHOOD / CHILDHOOD / APOCALYPTIC / GODS / Sport / MUSIC / Science / FIGHTS / ANGST / Smut / DRAMA / etc. 

PREFERRED THREAD LENGTH: one-liner / 1 para / 2 PARA / 3+ / NOVELLA.

ASKS CAN BE SEND BY: MUTUALS / NON-MUTUALS / PERSONALS / ANONS.

CAN ASKS BE CONTINUED?:   YES / NO    only by Mutuals?:  YES / NO.

PREFERRED THREAD TYPE: CRACK / casual nothing too deep / SERIOUS / DEEP AS HECK. (i love it all sorry I am quite the mixed bag lmao)

IS REALISM / RESEARCH IMPORTANT FOR YOU IN CERTAIN THEMES?:   YES / NO. i gotta know what certain human body parts taste like u know

ARE YOU ATM OPEN FOR NEW PLOTS?:  YES / NO / DEPENDS.

DO YOU HANDLE YOUR DRAFT / ASK - COUNT WELL?:  YES / NO / SOMEWHAT. it’s SO BAD FOR ME RN ASGLDKJDJKA i’m very inconsistent i’m so sorry.

HOW LONG DO YOU USUALLY TAKE TO REPLY?: 24H / 1 WEEK / 2 WEEKS / 3+ / months / years. / a lot of it has more to do w my general writing mood and if the thread im writing catches my interest, and rn im writing a TON of really wonderful and fascinating threads so they’re all super captivating for me and i try to reply asap

I’M OKAY WITH INTERACTING: ORIGINAL CHARACTERS / a relative of my character (an oc) / duplicates / MY FANDOM / CROSSOVERS / MULTI-MUSES / self-inserts / people with no AU verse for my fandom / CANON-DIVERGENT PORTRAYALS / AU-VERSIONS.

DO YOU POST MORE IC OR OOC?: IC / OOC. (i have a lot of stupid shit sorry) 

ARE YOU SELECTIVE WITH FOLLOWING OTHERS?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.  

BEST WAYS TO APPROACH YOU FOR RP/PLOTTING: just send me a tumblr instant message, i know it sucks shit but im not comfy releasing my discord w everyone just yet cause i use it for personal use as well. i check tumblr on the daily so if you send me a message chances are i’ll see it and respond!

WHAT EXPECTATIONS DO YOU HOLD TOWARDS YOUR PLOTTING PARTNER:  i guess just be able to put up with my rambling and stopping and starting, a lot of characterisation choices i do go through various stages and its pretty messy so when i communicate that with others it usually ends up equally messy. just be patient with me please.

WHEN YOU NOTICE THE PLOTTING IS RATHER ONE-SIDED, WHAT DO YOU DO?:  i don’t mind! sometimes ppl have more ideas that they want to share first and i’m always super happy to listen to those ideas !! sometimes its nice to have someone with a clear guide or structure and be able to work around that rather than trying to fumble through a plot together.

HOW DO YOU USUALLY PLOT WITH OTHERS, DO YOU GIVE INPUT OR LEAVE MOST WORK TOWARDS YOUR PARTNER?:  i try to map out some basic info abt their characters that i otherwise don’t know from their bio or verses and try to pick out points of confrontation or similarities to expand on with giselle that can be used as points for like a starter to happen. its either that or sometimes i have really stupid ideas i just toss out there like ‘LMAO THEYRE BREAKING SHIT AT DISNEYLAND’ and go buck wild from there if the other person is down. i also always try to warn people or get a gauge for what subjects to avoid and steer clear of considering that giselle is a bit of a Freak(tm) and will say and do bad things.

WHEN A PARTNER DROPS THE THREAD, DO YOU WISH TO KNOW?:   YES / NO / DEPENDS. - And why?: if there’s something giselle did or said that upset you, i would love to know not to repeat it again (since i do still feel pretty new to the rp game, theres still plenty of time for me to make stupid mistakes). if its just a general lack of interest or uncertainty of where the plot should go, then you dont have to tell me i wont take it personally i promise ! 

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY LEAD YOU TO DROP A THREAD?: sometimes i can be made uncomfortable by certain things mentioned... it happens but its rare 

- WILL YOU TELL YOUR PARTNER?:   YES / NO / DEPENDS. i don’t want to upset anyone personally and sometimes explaining the ins and outs of my discomfort make things ten times worse so i just. would rather not.

IS COMMUNICATION IN THE RPC IMPORTANT TO YOU? YES / NO.

- AND WHY?: i am the most nervous person you can meet and my brain is always giving me misinfo abt paranoia and random shit so i having clear concrete communication between two parties abt if something is going wrong or is being received poorly means the world to me.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH ABSOLUTE HONESTY, EVEN IF IT MAY MEANS HEARING SOMETHING NEGA1TIVE ABOUT YOU AND/OR PORTRAYAL?: i need it !! i still feel relatively new to all this and i need to know whats going wrong to improve !! 

DO YOU THINK YOU CAN HANDLE SUCH SITUATION IN A MATURE WAY? YES / NO.

WHY DO YOU RP AGAIN, IS THERE A GOAL?: to help with my confidence in writing! i have v bad anxiety when it comes to sharing my works and i write a lot of other pieces alongside this blog on ao3 and i want to develop my writing skills just in general. when it comes to like the nuts and bolts of why i rp giselle specifically, its mainly to just have fun and have a laugh w my friends who are really awesome quincy writers

WISHLIST, BE IT PLOTS OR SCENARIOS:  OH SO MANY! ive managed to fulfil a lot of my wishlist threads with like, giselle talking to characters she’s already zombified and i love all that angst but i want to do more stupid shit. i want to make it my personal goal to bully every quincy man and woman on sight. although a REAL dream would be if i got to write a thread zombifying a character who managed to escape giselle’s clutches. and more fighting! i want to get better at describing action and fights and i love to write giselle getting beat up and beating people up! more more more!! 

THEMES I WON’T EVER RP / EXPLORE:   hohoho theres a LOT... uh r*pe/dubcon threads for one, even if yeah i know writing it doesnt condone it, it makes me intensely uncomfortable to put my muse in that scenario, i feel like i have an obligation to like, protect her from that shit you know? racism is one i don’t want to transgress, even though i’m a poc, its not really cathartic or groundbreaking to write abt racism in threads its just... really fucking upsetting. also i know the quincy’s have this very close parallel to the whole n*zi imagery and ideology thing going on and i am not about to start even daring to thread that into my writing or bring those allusions and references of real life tragedies into giselle’s threads. i’ve already talked at length abt exploring giselles trans identity in rp and why im not comfortable doing so, so.... yeah! all those i guess.

WHAT TYPE OF STARTERS DO YOU PREFER / DISLIKE, CAN’T WORK WITH?: i like starters where giselle can just immediately get right into being a piece of shit. mise en scene and all that! cut out the build up and just get to the intense horror !! i don’t like starters where its not immediately clear where the characters are standing and what they’re doing and what’s happening around them. those really disorientate me and leave me kinda floundering because i always need some allusion or mention of a setting to ground giselle in a time and place other wise i cant tell what her response should be

WHAT TYPE OF CHARACTERS CATCH YOUR INTEREST THE MOST?:  EVIL WOMEN EVIL WOMEN EVIL WOMEN. also just characters i can wholeheartedly clown on, or also characters who have hidden depths to them and have a single panel of screentime. honestly it’s just all over the place!

WHAT TYPE OF CHARACTERS CATCH YOUR INTEREST THE LEAST?:  angry old men GSADJDKSJA i could never rp yhwach for example or yamamoto because idk. theyre just so crummy and boring to me. i also couldnt rp characters who always have an upper hand in battle like aizen. i like my dumbasses and i like them stupid and adaptive not just, ‘yes i know this because i Know this.’

WHAT ARE YOUR STRONG ASPECTS AS RP PARTNER?: i think im nice...? FKSJDKDJSA idk i hate trying to toot my own horn. sometimes i also think i make funny jokes and im pretty chill and laid back

WHAT ARE YOUR WEAK ASPECTS AS RP PARTNER?: my writing style is inconsistent and adapts to whatever i’m reading so sometimes it’ll be really good and i love it and other times it reads like really bad fanfic and i get carried away far too easily and write novella lengths for threads which should be much shorter. i also get shy a lot and dont think i communicate very effectively but HEYO we’re working on it!

DO YOU RP SMUT?:  YES / NO/ DEPENDS. haven’t had anybody brave enough to try yet lol

DO YOU PREFER TO GO INTO DETAIL?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH BLACK CURTAIN?: YES / NO.

- WHEN DO YOU RP SMUT? MORE OUT OF FUN OR CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT?: more for fun i’d imagine because that’s just giselles own attitude to sex and relationships where she doesnt want anything deep. it might show character development in one way of just showing how she regards others in a romantic sense to be used rather than actually appreciated as their own person and show how selfish she is but yeah, more out of fun

- ANYTHING YOU WOULD NOT WANT TO RP THERE?:  theres a few kinks and such but i dont think they’d ever really come up. again, just mainly no r*pe/dubcon.

ARE SHIPS IMPORTANT TO YOU?:   YES / NO lets hope this doesn’t make me sound like an asshole, but its more like a fun little side thing than anything important to giselle’s actual development and characterisation. 

WOULD YOU SAY YOUR BLOG IS SHIP-FOCUSED?: YES / NO. again, hardly anyone is brave enough to try to romance this evil cannibal.

DO YOU USE READ MORE?:  YES / NO / SOMETIMES WHEN I WRITE LONG STUFF.

ARE YOU:  MULTI-SHIP / Single-Ship / Dual-Ship  —  MULTIVERSE / Singleverse.

- WHAT DO YOU LOVE TO EXPLORE THE MOST IN YOUR SHIPS?: more how giselle likes to give over her power or dominate in different circumstances depending on who she’s with and what’s being done. BUT AGAIN, not a whole lot to explore yet.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH PRE-ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIPS?: YES / NO. - i mean im down for p much anything if it vibes w giselle.

► SECTION ABOUT YOUR MUSE.

- WHAT COULD POSSIBLY MAKE YOUR MUSE INTERESTING TOWARDS OTHERS, WHY SHOULD THEY RP WITH THIS PARTICULAR CHARACTER OF YOURS NOW, WHAT POSSIBLE PLOTS DO THEY OFFER?: if you want an evil woman to taunt and mock and hurt your muse, she’s your gal. you want her to zombify and ruin your muse, shes also your gal. you want her to insult and maim and injure, she’s also YOUR GAL. basically, if you want to do anything fucked up or sad or scary, she can help with that.

- WITH WHAT TYPE OF MUSES DO YOU USUALLY STRUGGLE TO RP WITH?:  uh muses who get really angry quickly or don’t rise or respond to her jabs and are just kinda like a flatline. theres only so much pestering and annoying she can do until realises its not working and just wanders off

- WHAT DO THEY DESIRE, IS THEIR GOAL?:  to find a goal worth living for.

- WHAT CATCHES THEIR INTEREST FIRST WHEN MEETING SOMEONE NEW?:  appearance she always takes an interest in girls almost right away. age as well because she judges old people. 

- WHAT DO THEY VALUE IN A PERSON?:  a good set of guts to ruin and strong muscles.

- WHAT THEMES DO THEY LIKE TALKING ABOUT?:  women, gore, murder, herself, music, stupid memes, gossip.

- WHICH THEMES BORE THEM?:  politics, history, quincy ideology, soul reaper ideology, hollow physiology.

- DID THEY EVER WENT THROUGH SOMETHING TRAUMATIC?:  her family tried to force the burden of upholding the quincy lineage onto her shoulders, she was thrown into the wrong prison and held in isolation, then pressured to become an undying monster in service of a god and then was nearly killed by that same man and left wandering without guidance or purpose. so, yeah?

- WHAT COULD LEAD TO AN INSTANT KILL?:  transphobia. even a whiff of it in her direction and she’ll gut you like a fish.

- IS THERE SOMEONE /-THING THEY HATE?:  the twink soul reaper who outted her.

IS YOUR MUSE EASY TO APPROACH?: YES / NO. - Best ways to approach them?:  if you’re smart, you’ll bring a big bone for her to chew on and distract her while you ask whatever you want.

SOMETHING YOU MAY STILL WANT TO POINT OUT ABOUT YOUR MUSE?: i love my evil queen!

CONGRATS!!! You managed it, now tag your mutuals! ♥

Tagged by:  @bazzardburner​ cheers chicken boy !!

Tagging: @hyouketsu​ @blooming5th​ @viciousvizard​ @glacies-tempestatem​ and whoever else wishes to do this!!

[swhurtcomfort]

(Just curious, are these from the same anon or do you two just think alike? Either way, good luck with your exams, hope you enjoy -- Leslie)

Lessons Learned

i.

The first time Ahsoka wakes, someone is there. There is a gentle hand resting on top of hers and a soft voice conversing quietly with the medical droid. Master Obi-Wan, she realizes. He doesn’t seem to notice that she’s awake. She doesn’t know where she is, but she is too sleepy to find out.

ii.

The second time Ahsoka wakes is perhaps an hour later, but she is alone. She hears steady beeps and breathes in the clean, airy smell of the Halls of Healing. She is home, then. She vaguely remembers riding in an ambulance-speeder.

Ahsoka sits up and her right arm thumps against her chest in a sling.

It’s strange to be alone in the Halls of Healing. It’s not that she wants her master or grandmaster to coddle her like a youngling, it’s just that they would normally be here.

Med droids come and go, but it’s almost half an hour before Master Obi-Wan appears.

“No one told me you were awake,” he whispers by way of greeting. There’s something in his body language as he sits down that makes Ahsoka nervous.

“I can’t stay long,” he adds. “But I’m glad to see that you’re okay.”

“Is it…broken?” Ahsoka asks, lifting her arm.

“Do you remember Luminara talking to you before the surgery?”

Ahsoka shook her head.

“I’m not surprised. You seemed fairly out of it,” said Obi-Wan. “You broke both bones in your wrist. They put you under and set it with some durasteel pins.”

Ahsoka nods, accepting this information. “I know I shouldn’t have chased after that shuttle,” she says with a sheepish smile. She and Anakin had chased their target all the way from the Senate building only to lose him in the chaos of the airtraffic lanes. Anakin had surprised her, and told her to let him go. Ahsoka had defied him and pursued the spy, and, evidently, injured herself in the attempt.

“Is Anakin upset with me?”

“Anakin is down the corridor,” Master Obi-Wan says slowly. “In critical condition.”

No.

iii.

Master Obi-Wan leaves again soon, full of cold politeness that makes it hard to judge whether he is angry or just tired and worried. They say he hasn’t left Anakin’s bedside since the accident except to check on Ahsoka while she was in post-op.

The horrible, twisting pit in Ahsoka’s stomach only deepens as she reads the report which Obi-Wan has already drafted for the Council. It says, among other details of the mission, that Anakin was crushed between two speeders as he flew over three lanes of airtraffic trying to reach Ahsoka. The report does not mention that Ahsoka was on top of a moving airshuttle, chasing the spy she had been explicitly ordered not to pursue. That Anakin had tried to stop her. That she had fallen from the shuttle, almost to her death.

The sensation of freefall feels like it never left. She is still trapped in desperate, tingling panic. He was trying to save me. If I had just listened—

Ahsoka is released as soon as the anesthesia has worn off, and immediately tracks down Barriss, who has been helping Master Luminara.

“They expect him to survive,” Barriss says gently.

The fact that this is an expectation, not a certainty, sends Ahsoka reeling.

Barriss tries to explain that a collapsed lung, badly bruised kidneys, or a fractured spinal disc are all survivable in isolation but combined together with significant blood loss and shock they can be dangerous, but that’s not what Ahsoka needs to hear.

She stops to lean against the wall. It’s my fault, oh Force,

“He’s only supposed to have one visitor at a time,” says Barriss uncomfortably when they reach Anakin’s room and see that Master Obi-Wan is still there.

“It’s alright, Barriss, let her in,” says Master Luminara. Obi-Wan does not acknowledge them as they enter.

Anakin is deep in a healing trance, immobilized with a neck brace and multiple casts. A tube protrudes from the lower left quadrant of his chest, draining air that escaped from his injured lung; his face is pale and bruised and obscured by an oxygen mask.

The healers are keeping a close eye on him, but there are inevitably moments when Obi-Wan and Ahsoka are alone in the room, and the silence becomes suffocating.

 iv.

Once the silence is broken, it’s like floodgates have caved in.

“You’ve gone too far this time, Ahsoka. What were you thinking?”

“I didn’t think he would follow me, I’m sorry,”

“Of course he wasn’t going to stand back and watch you get killed.”

“I said sorry—“

“I was always afraid something like this would happen to him,” Obi-Wan snarls. “But I assumed he’d be the reckless idiot who brought it on himself.”

‘Idiot’ stings, and although one part of Ahsoka accepts the blow as though she deserves it, another part of her bubbles up in anger. “Master, you have no right—”

“Nope,” Luminara snaps as she enters the room, laying a hand on Ahsoka’s shoulder and steering her towards the door. “Absolutely unacceptable. If you are going to raise your voices, you may leave.”

“Thank you,” says Obi-Wan, sitting back down with a huff.

“You too, Obi-Wan,” Luminara shoots back. “You two can go argue somewhere else, or have some time apart, figure it out. We will take good care of Anakin.”

“He is my padawan,” Obi-Wan hisses.

“He’s my patient,” she counters, matching his tone.

 v.

Anakin makes it through the night.

Barriss tells Ahsoka that the danger has passed, that his lung is mending and all his fractures and bruises will clear up with time. It will be a long, painful recovery. Ahsoka swallows hard.

Anakin is awake when she is allowed in. She doesn’t know what to say.

“Snips,” he gasps. He’s still on oxygen, but they’ve moved him down from the whole mask to just a nasal cannula. Although Ahsoka doesn’t see the significance, Barriss insists that’s good news.

“I’m sorry,” she says tearfully.

“What, for this?” He’s a bit spacey and not fully there, Ahsoka notices. “Forget about it. They’re giving me the good meds, I feel nothing.”

His blood oxygen level fluctuates wildly as he talks. He takes a sharp breath and it stabilizes again.

“It should have been me,” Ahsoka whispers.

“Like I would let that happen. Listen Snips, we’ve all made shitty judgement calls. This could have happened to anybody.”

“I think Master Obi-Wan hates me.”

For some reason, that makes Anakin chuckle.

 vi.

Ahsoka is quite used to hearing her master curse, but the following weeks are a whole new level. Anakin’s good spirits don’t last long once the healers release him and he sets about the grueling task of getting better. Sitting up is hell on his back and neck, but then again, so is lying down and standing and pretty much just existing in general. His day is defined by when each dose of pain medication is due.

Obi-Wan is there to bring him food and help him transfer and get to the ‘fresher and back, and once Ahsoka’s wrist brace comes off she pitches in too. He finally reaches a point where he can hobble short distances, but it’s hard for him to put pressure on his spine or do anything for a prolonged time, even just standing up in the shower.

Obi-Wan isn’t home one afternoon when Ahsoka hears the water shut off in the ‘fresher, followed by a nervous call of, “Obi-Wan?”

Ahsoka follows the call to the ‘fresher door, then hesitates. “He’s not here. What is it, Master?”

“Could you come in? Don’t worry, I’m decent.”

He’s sitting leaned against the outside of the tub, wrapped in a towel.

“I’m sorry, Snips, I thought I could do it, but—” He pauses, embarrassed. “I can’t reach my arms up high enough to wash my hair. I’d wait for Obi-Wan, but I already drew the bath, and…,”

“It’s alright,” Ahsoka says quickly, trying to sound more confident that she feels. “I can help,”

“I’m sorry,” he mumbles again as Ahsoka carefully has him lean his head back under the faucet and lathers the shampoo through his hair.

“Do you need help rinsing it too?”

“No, I usually just sit under the shower head. You can go now. I’m sorry.”

“Stop apologizing, Master. I want to help.”

“You’re uncomfortable.”

There’s no point in denying that.

“If you need anything else…”

“I’ll holler. Yes, thank you.”

 vii.

Anakin awkwardly shuffles into the kitchen where Ahsoka is doing homework, and sits himself down next to her.

“Obi-Wan says we need to talk about what happened,” he states.

Ahsoka almost says something snarky. It’s ironic that Obi-Wan wants them to talk when he’s barely said two words to Ahsoka in weeks.

“I really am sorry, Master. I wasn’t thinking about the consequences. I just wanted to catch him.”

“I did too. But Ahsoka, he wasn’t worth it. We both could have died.”

“I know.”

“Obi-Wan was harsh with you because he was scared that he could have lost both of us. He doesn’t say that kind of stuff because he thinks it sounds like an attachment, so he just comes off as angry.”

Ahsoka nods. Then she looks up to meet Anakin’s gaze carefully. “Are you angry with me too?”

“I was a little bit,” Anakin admits. “But I think the past few weeks have given you an up-close-and-personal look at what the costs of that kind of recklessness can be. I don’t think you’ll make this mistake again.”

“No!” Ahsoka assures him quickly.

“Then I’ve taught you something. See, I’m great at this.”

He clearly wants her to laugh, so she makes an attempt.

Ahsoka is used to her master couching uncomfortable topics in humor, but she sees that he is sincere.

“I’m sorry,” Ahsoka says. “For not listening to you, and I’m extra sorry that you got hurt.”

“You can stop saying that,”

“No I can’t.”

“I forgive you, Snips. Does that help?” Anakin pushes the table further away and reaches out to hug her. The range of movement in his arms is restricted, so she has to meet him halfway.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers again, and Anakin hugs her tighter.

[selfcareparker]

hi aria <3 (i just noticed “love letters only” LMAO well good thing this is one of those 😌) it’s lovely anon, sorry for being a shit friend lol but here’s everything i’ve had drafted to send you (well not everything! that would be a lot HAHA)

this is more recent but: can’t wait for the blurb!! (you said it was a blurb right? i can’t find it on your blog now but it was something hdgshs) and the squeaky sneakers 😭😭 stoppppp i can’t

about your theme and your pants lmao:

aw come on i bet ur theme will look great :) aND IM HAPPY ABOUT YOUR TROUSERS LOL but i’ve really been up to nothing? WAIT THATS A LIE- so school ended (yay!!) and ya know i’m still dancing bUT i didn’t go to rehearsal last night (the 27th) bc i hurt my back :/ long story short i was at my brothers football game and they won (like for the first time lol) and i got really excited, i jumped and when i landed (which was on two feet!) my back immediately hurt. i’m okay though!! i went to the doctor and they said it’s just a backache, take it easy, don’t go to dance until next week so yeah :)

update!!! i went to dance last night (the 3rd), almost had an anxiety attack because the it’s the sECOND TO LAST REHEARSAL UNTIL THE SHOW AND I FEEL LIKE IM STILL LOOKING LIKE SHIT 🙃 but my teachers are really nice and they told me i look goooodddd and it’s fineeee so it calmed me down a bit :)

i’m still singing too, i’m in this group which i hate lol but my mom unfortunately said i should finish it out, 1) bc my younger brother is in it and he’s really excited about it which ya know yea i get it, and i don’t mind, 2) bc she paid for it 😭😭 but yeah i can’t wait until that’s over!!

clearly i am very nervous about everything haha anyway, i’m gonna be active more though . i miss talking to you, like a lot lol & i feel like it doesn’t come through BC IM NEVER ACTIVE 😭 but i think you’re the coolest person and whenever i see you post or reblog i’m like ARIA!!! so. love u girl, expect me to blow up your ask box and make u sick of me 🙃 (kidding lol, also i’ve been using that emoji a lot recently..)

ALSO ONE OTHER THING THAT IVE ALWAYS WANTED TO TELL YOU: there was a thing you reblogged AGES AGO and it was about kids who want their parents to get divorced lmao and how they’re awesome. anyway THANKS HAAH, this is probably so random, but anyway i’ve given you like bits and pieces of my home life but i can’t wait for my mom and dad to split up lol like honESTLY WAITING FOR IT

god this makes me sound bored, lonely, and depressed. #lonely anon is really coming through huh. but how’ve you been? just tell me all about it, clearly i’m doing nothing so <3

Snsjsh i forgot to post the blurb (idk if i should call it a blurb or not tbh?) lmao i got nervous and saved it to my drafts even though i had it scheduled for 45 mins ago </3 but i’ll post it after i respond to this ask (idk why but i was so excited reading your ask dksjmm <333)

Omg no need to apologise!!! Also you can literally send me everything and anything you want i’ll always be excited every time lmaoo even if it’s a lot, that’s even better!!!!

I was about to say get well soon but you said you had your rehearsal so that means your back is better i assume (and hope) which is amazing ❤️ (also congrats to your brother <3 i died when you said it was the first time they won aufisjssjk)

GOOD LUCK (even though you don‘t need it 😌 i‘m with your teachers on this one!) FOR YOUR SHOW I KNOW YOURE GONNA BE AMAZING AAAHH💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖 Oh also i realised i dont even know what type of dance you do?

Not the singing group thingjfjhh😩 But yeah like your mom said it‘ll probably be amazing for your brother! And idk which one you‘re talking about so idk how old he is but i‘m sure in the future he‘ll be grateful and think it‘s cool that you got to do it together 🥺!!!! but also it‘ll probably be over soo quick and you‘ll be like oh that was quick so. (What was that Sentence dkdjdjjd)

I get that you‘re nervous tho :( but i hope it‘s not a constant state of anxiety and maybe you can change it into being excited about it (isn‘t that what Tom always says? I don‘t find it very helpful 💀 but maybe you do <3)

Dkdkdkdk the parent thing 😭 my parents used to argue alllllllll the time and i‘d like cry in my room every night lmao (is this too personal? lnaodjdkd i mean i feel comfortable with you so idc) and my mom/mum (lol) still says why did i marry your father? at least once a week and I know she MEANS it too but💀 i mean idk what exactly your situation is but i know everything‘ll turn out the best way possible (yk on a long term basis) and maybe you‘ll get two Christmases so that‘s good difkldndns

Okay what‘s new with me.... nothing lmao. I think i‘ll get my driver‘s license soon like i was supposed to have my test in june but that‘s probably not happening so i hope my test will be during the beginning of july because mid/late july i have exams and that‘s already enough stress :( (also i feel like i‘ve been talking about my driving for like six months and still don‘t have my license eldjdkdj (or is it licence???? I think license is the verb but idk) BUT! that‘s just because i didn‘t have any lessons between december and march? because of covid and i‘ve been just waiting to get a test date since april 😭 but because of covid everything is taking so long and yeah </3

Talking about driver‘s license (🥴) i have finally listened to more olivia rodrigo songs and i reallly dont like the sad ones bc they give me anxiety tbh (but most sad songs do so), but i like brutal and jealousy, jealousy (or is it called jealous, jealous? Idk). I have no idea if you even like her but i remember how you said deja vu was good so maybe you like her?

Also I‘m getting my first covid vaccine next week (i know the US is way ahead of us lol but I’m getting mine very early like most of my friends couldn‘t get theirs yet so) BUT i‘m scared that i have covid 😭😭 i went to a friend‘s house the other day and she was gonna walk me home but then we met people from some of her uni courses and i didn‘t mind them (don’t know how i managed that without an anxiety attack tbh) but we were very close and i accidentally hugged one of them dkdkdjdj (accidentally because i forgot covid exists) andddd i‘ve had a cough for a few days but i‘m probably (most likely) just paranoid. also idk if i should cancel my driving lesson which is friday (one day after my jab)(is the word jab a british thing? my (british) grandparents keep saying jab)

Uni has been a bit boring to be honest shdldhsldh but i guess boring is better than hard? not much to talk about theresjdkdkd

Snsnsjsh well i hope you‘re doing well otherwise and i know you‘ll slay your performance and the singing thing will be over soo quick so yeah. you can always come to my inbox (even with non love letters (tbh i thought i‘d changed that to just say letter box dudlfhdkdk)) 💘💘💘💘 love youuuuuu

[survivormoheli]

Episode Eleven - “I've never felt so popular” - Eric K

Tim

This literally could NOT have been a more worse challenge for me. I did this in Lago De Atitlan and my ass gave up on it because I could never get the correct answer so I quit and or never submitted. Im literally cryinggggg this is like the worst. Mastermind was robbed of being the final 7 challenge tbh.

Eric K

The one day I actually don't spend my life in the lab and I'm away from my laptop and my phone's dying and everybody is messaging me! I've never felt so popular... But obviously the desperation to stay was real for Dani with a few missed Skype calls I noticed once I got my phone plugged in. I'm happy with y current position but the thought of me potentially being at the bottom of the totem pole in my alliance is definitely in my mind. Richie has approached me but I feel like that's out of desperation to stay in the game. I think I'm going to message people individually in my alliance to see what I can get out of it in terms of reassurance...

Lynn

okay okay okay yay i’m safe and as stressful as this vote was it was really nice that my alliance was there for me and willing to go to rocks to keep me in the game! it really made my heart happy and i love them! 

Blake

The plan worked! Tara got him to trust her by telling him she wud take him to F3 with Eric and that she wud take me and Lynn out! And j got to Erica by baiting Dani into saying she wants to vote Tim out! And she also said the same thing about Eric so now I know inhale gim with me the entire game! Bc I also got quotes of Richie and Phoenix saying they wnat Eric out! Quotes are magical I’m leaneing so much about skype! And well witht I’m i was like you really wanan go to rocks for someone who wrote your name down and only Flipped in the last hour. Me and Tara go to him we r a great team!!

Tim

SO I completed the Immunity challenge in about 5 minutes and honestly I'm shook. I may not have it in the bag but I'm proud of myself for completing it nonetheless. I just wonder if Lynn and Blake's time advantage will allow them to snatch the win. I'm just not entirelyyyy confident that I have a good time but who knows. 

Phoenix McInroe

DANI!!!!! Nooooo :-(

Blake

tbh im scared to do this challenge bc ik i need to win it bc im definitely gettin votes tonight. BC i dont knwo iff eric is fully with me...

Blake

F3 will be me Lynn and Tara you are hearing this first here on Moheli Confessions thank yo have a good night.

Blake

If Tara or Lynn flip on me my heart is broken and they deserve to win this game

BLAKE

HI YES HELLO BLAKE IS AN IDIOT AND DOESNT KNOW HOW TO COPY AND PASTE HJSKDFJSDNKDF  I WUD LIKE OF HAVE LIKE 45 SECS SHAVED OFF MY TIME IF I WASNT A FREAKIN IDIOT I HATE MYSELF! CCOPY AND PASTING IS GONNA SEND MY ASS HOLE HOME OMG RIPPP!

Lynn

a lil aggravated at my closest alliance rn but ik i can’t let my annoyances ruin a good ass alliance but god i’m a little tired of working with him and it’s killing me slowly inside to continue 

Eric K

Hi I won! I'm honestly so surprised!! But yayyyy!!!

Eric K

I'm thinking of putting in Raffi and JG because I was iloj good terms with both of them before they got voted off. I know some of the members of my alliance may be in danger but I'm hoping they will make a decision that's best for me in the end. Fingers crossed!!

Blake

I AM SOO GLAD ERIC WON! maybe lol idk im suspicious of him bc like i hope he sees me more as a friend then a threat bc he cud easily turn on me ... just one more vote. then it wont matter what he does! me lynn and tara are planning to go all the way with this!

Tara

me n phoenix r gonna hang out irl tomorrow!!! i'm so excited!! we're gonna see love simon n eat ice cream. i think i'm getting voted out today tho...... so drama! hhopefully i don't bcos i rly wanna see love simon HAHAHA 

shoutout to ISAAC!!!! thank u for drafting me. u r the bomb dot com. ko te isaac ko te poma. thats some maori for u!! maori is the native language in nz i'm tryna use it more in my vocab. um anywayyy thank u isaac for drafting me i think i don't know u either but it'd b rly cool 2 chat! can u believe i got to f7?? i rly thought i was getting premerge but wowzas i' m here! i hope i get u lots of points and u win. ka pai! haere ra, e noho ra! 

Tim

With Raffy and JG voting this round things are going to get intensee. Im really relying on them voting Blake so Richie can live. Also Eric winning immunity and making him less goaty? Surprising. 

Richie

well...... last round i was so suspicious that things weren't going to go well and i was right which sucks... there was a big thing where dani wanted to take out tara and tim wanted to take out lynn so i was trying so hard to work on that situation to nail down the plan before doing anything else and then all of a sudden tim was like "i got the votes to get rid of lynn" and i was like....?????? and then he said  he had tara and i was like !?!?!?!!?!!!!!???? and i was trying to seem trusting of tim bc im still probably on thin ice from the raffy vote and he assured me that everything was in place but i should have done more and then the votes came in and it was a tie and i tried to get eric but he ignored me and i was like fuck bc i knew tim wouldnt risk rocks for dani so shes gone and now blake/lynn/tara are all still here and all i have now is tim and phoenix and me and phoenix havent talked since l i t e r a l l y day 3.... i knew i had dani and dani had phoenix but now shes gone its like.... fuck

i went to the group chat of me tim and phoenix and really reiterated that we need to stick together and i was like hey we havent been the best group but the only way we make it is if we're together....bc if theyre desperate and think its one of them i dont want them going around throwing me under the bus to save themselves this round!!!!  ive been working on building a personal relationship with eric and during the revote debacle i proposed a f3 deal with him but idk where that stands im hoping thats something that can save me bc hes #4 in blake/lynn/tara who are a strong group if i'm promising him f3 thats the better option for him.... god i hate this i just want to survive this vote bc 7th place sounds so much uglier than 6th place 

Richie

also i was reading the rules and it said there was no idols in this game but there were still rules on how to play an idol....... and all the rewards in this game have been super immediate like advantages for the current round or the following one but i remember there was one week where someone won reward and nothing came out of it..... and i thiiiiiiiink it was blake??? so im not sure but i wouldnt be surprised if he pulls something out tonight since its his first time being openly non-immune that he probably feels in jeopardy but id rather take the shot at him tonight and risk it than play it safe bc im probably going home anyway and if jg and raffy are voting from the jury they'll hopefully direct their anger at blake??????? which might make it so we dont even need eric?????? ugh who knows... i feel like if blake really felt in trouble tonight he would have come to me about this vote.... 

Tim

Based on Tara's answer she's gonna be solid with Blake and Lynn and ughhh that hurts but here is the tea: https://brandnewconfessionalblog.tumblr.com/post/172461067963 

Blake

I’m scared af about this tribal! Richie is smart he’s gonna try to get Eric to vote me out! Sooo nervous I hate not being immune this is worse than the open world. It’s getting so close to F3 and I just want to get there soo ba domg i hav worked sooo hard I voted ppl out I care about and I don’t want that all to Ben in vain! And I’m super excited about the F6 twist I want to know So bad! This is my last super scary vote! After this Ik me Lynn and Tara will stay together. This is the last time it won’t be a tie vote or majority I think unless some advantages come into play!