#jelle x emily

[milfsincrime]

emily: this date is boring

jj: this isn’t a date, we said we were going to the store

emily: then why did you invite me?

elle: i specifically said “don’t come with us” and you said “fuck you greenaway, i do whatever i want” and followed us here

[flaminghotjareau]

happy lesbian visibility week to them

and to my favorite lesbian ships

[greencways]

GHOSTFACE

jelle x emily prentiss x reader

wc - 1916

TW // mentions of stabbing, death, knives, kidnapping, torture, rope?, a mention of suicide almost the end (it’s one line)

A/N- oh my god I started writing this last HALLOWEEN and i finally finished it last night cause I kept putting it off hahahaha

"We're going out for drinks if you wanted to come" Emily questioned

"Yeah sure, that sounds great, thanks" you smiled softly, your mind still going though the events of what happened earlier in the week.

"Come on Y/N, I know Elle was your friend but you're still gonna see her, even though she doesn't work here anymore" Emily patted your shoulder which resulted in a hug.

"Thanks Em" you sighed "she always used to brighten everyone's day, if you had a bad day you could always count on her to cheer you up here" you pointed across the bullpen.

"Just come tonight and try to take your mind off things, even if it's just for an hour" Emily's lip curved into a slight smile.

You nodded, finally giving in "Okay fine, just let me go home and get changed" you smiled as Emily grinned.

All the way back you debated on going, you had every intention on cancelling on Emily but maybe she was right, going out to take your mind of things couldn't hurt.

What Emily didn't know was that ever since she joined the BAU you had the biggest crush on her, the minute she walked in, you were completely infatuated by her, the way she handled things with authority and the same amount of generosity was something that over time you knew you would look up to, you kept telling her that she would make a great leader of the BAU someday but she felt as if she wasn't quite there yet and you wanted nothing more than to be there every step of the way when she would eventually become one

You got to your apartment and you felt as though something was off, you couldn't put a finger on it but you brushed it off, you opened the door and turned around to shut it very quickly, so quickly in fact that you didn't even notice the people behind you.

"About time" a woman scoffed

"I told you she'd be here soon" the other huffed at the woman's impatience

"Can I he-"

"Who said you could talk" the woman said as you felt something press on your head.

"Sorry, I'm sorry-" you quickly become aware of the situation you were in, tears streaming down your face, sobs uncontrollable as you felt the knife touch your temple.

"She never listens does she" the other woman laughed to her friend

"So.." she dragged out "sit down" she finally spoke.

"What?" you replied softly, apparently not fast enough for the women, one shoved you back until you hit a chair in the middle of the room.

"Stay there" she barked.

"I have somewhere to be tonight" you spoke up.

You whimpered as you felt a tug on your hands as they become tied to the chair behind you.

"Tell em you can't make it" the same person whispered in your ear.

"I can't do that with my hands tied" you chuckled, trying to make light of the situation.

"Is this funny to you?" your eyes followed the tall woman as she leaned down to talk to you at eye level.

"No, I'm just-Elle?" you breathed out as she pulled off her ghostface mask

"What's the matter honey?" Elle Greenway cooed.

"Nothing I-" you stammered

"You are right, she is easily intimidated by you" the other person laughed as she stood behind Elle, you just had to sit there with a blush on your cheek.

"Jay?" you questioned as Jennifer Jareau stood behind her, pulling her mask off too

"Hmm?" JJ questioned "Why are you talking?"

You tried to break free by shifting around fast and scratching the floor in doing so, your wrists burning as you were doing this.

Elle stood up and placed her palms over the sides of the chair to steady you "you're gonna hurt yourself, don't do that" she fake pouted but you rolled your eyes "don't you dare roll your eyes at me" she barked.

"Can you tell me why you're here, Im supposed to be going out with-" you started.

"Emily?" JJ questioned.

"Hmm yeah we know which is why her already text her to tell her you're staying in tonight so she wouldn't come looking for you" Elle laughed.

You tipped your head back and silently cursed them.

"You didn't answer my question" you stated

"I don't care about your question" Elle scoffed as she and JJ turned around to talk about something.

"The old Elle would" you rolled your eyes.

"What did you say?" Elle whipped her head around and leaned over inches in front of you.

"I said" you tugged and pulled at the rope, burning sensations running through your body "the old Elle would" you gritted your teeth.

"You're not smart talking back to me you know?" Elle cooed.

Furrowing your eyebrow at the stark difference in the tone of her voice, you faltered a little bit.

"You didn't answer my question" you told Elle again only your voice slightly shaky

"Can you please tell me why I'm stuck here" you squirmed in your seat shifting as best as you could "I want to go out with Emily"

"Well then it's a shame Emily doesn't want to go out with you then" JJ smirked.

"She's my best friend" you grunted as you tried to wriggle out of your seat.

"Oh no honey" Elle cooed as she stooped down to your level

"Just answer my question" you spat.

"That's no way to talk to someone who has a knife in their hands" as Elle toyed with the knife

Your breath shaking as you remembered what was going on "I'm sorry" you lowered your head in shame "I just-" you breathed out "did I do something wrong?" you looked up at them with tears stinging in your eyes.

"I know you were going to go out and confess your feelings to Emily tonight" JJ snickered.

You rolled your eyes as Elle grabbed your chin for you to look her in the face "she doesn't like you"

Your eyes looked everywhere but theirs, your eyes landing on your phone that silently dropped out of Elle's pocket to see multiple texts and missed calls from Emily.

"Did you just come here to say that Emily doesn't like me? can we go now" you sighed.

"You wanna lose that attitude?" JJ smirked as she followed your eyeline to your phone, once you were about to say something she took a huge step back and broke your phone by stamping on it.

"I hate you" you gritted your teeth and tightened your jaw as you once again burned your arm on the rope that you were being tied too.

"I don't care" JJ inched closer to your face.

"I want Emily" you muttered under your breath hoping no one heard.

"How about this? I'll make you a deal okay?" JJ twirled the knife in her hand as Elle sat on top of the couch watching her smirking.

"How about we invite her over?" JJ suggested with a shrug.

You weighed your options, seeing Emily again before you could die and confessing your feelings towards her when you were on your deathbed, or her laughing at you when you do exactly that.

"Um no" you finally said.

"And what? after begging for Emily all this time, you don't wanna see the love of your life?" Elle teased.

Looking away from her as tears escaped your eyes once more you nodded, you could hear Elle laugh and your door opening, you were too tired too look.

"Oh honey" you heard a familiar small voice whisper as they made their way towards you.

"Move any closer and she dies" JJ commanded from another part of the room

"Alright okay" they surrendered, you heard steps shuffling back.

Lifting your head to see who it was, straining your eyes to see Emily in front of you, made you smile a little bit, Emily smiling back too.

Elle had Emily's hands tied behind her back but that was all you could all but make out.

"Em" you breathlessly whispered.

"No honey save your voice, it's okay" Emily quietly commanded, a harsh contrast to JJ's previous command.

"Are you gonna tell Emily then?" JJ smirked.

"Tell me what Y/N?" Emily didn't sound angry, she was confused more than anything.

"About how you have a big crush on her, right? and how you wanna be hers forever?" JJ taunted.

"Y/N Is that true?" Emily whispered.

You couldn't muster up the courage or energy to say anything, you just nodded your head and looked away.

"Shame she doesn't like you back sweetie, but I told you that earlier didn't I?" JJ cooed.

"Can you just kill me?" you sighed, you had enough of their games.

"Where's the fun in that?" Elle laughed.

"Y/N I-" Emily started.

"Tell her to shut up" JJ tugged at your chin to force you to look at her.

"No" you furrowed your brows.

All of a sudden you felt a cold sharp poke slightly at your abdomen "next time you disobey me it'll go all the way in, clear?" JJ shouted at you, tears streaming uncontrollably down your face as you nodded.

"Y/N I need you to know that-" Emily started.

JJ cupped your chin to look at her "Emily stop talking" you rolled your eyes.

"I-" she started again.

"Emily shut up" you groaned as you felt the knife dance across your abdomen.

"Good girl" JJ whispered in your ear as she dropped the knife, your vision started to become clearer and you could see the pain and hurt on Emily's face.

"Emily" you started "I didn't-"

"Just save it" Emily scoffed.

Before you knew it Morgan and Hotch came bursting through your doors and had Elle and JJ arrested, Emily offered you her apartment because yours was now unfortunately a crime scene.

Walking through the door behind Emily you could distantly hear her mutter something under her breath, your head was dizzy and your knees almost buckled underneath you.

"Y/N?" Emily said "Y/N?" Emily's voice grew louder and impatient, the last time she called your name and turned around, she stumbled back a bit to see your form, your whole body was shaking and your voice was trembling.

"Emily can you hold me?" you quietly sobbed.

Emily silently nodded as she made her way over to you and sat you down on the couch, she wrapped her hands around your body as you sobbed on top of her, stroking your hair and rubbing your back occasionally.

After about an hour of you calming down "It's true, what JJ said" you looked up at her, tears still in your eyes.

"About what honey?" Emily said as she tucked some hair that fell in front of your face behind your ear.

"About me having a crush on you" you breathlessly chuckled.

"Well it's a good thing that I also have a crush on you right?" Emily smirked.

"Emily Prentiss if this a joke I swear to God" you playfully swatted her arm.

"Not a joke" Emily defended "I do think you're the most beautiful woman I have ever seen" Emily kissed you on the forehead.

"When I was tied up to that chair, the only thing on my mind was you" you confessed "I wanna be yours Emily" you cried as you smiled.

"You're all mine" Emily smiled as she kissed you softly on the lips.

[veeluvss]

Gentle night

jj x elle on halloween night

sort of set after revelations

1.5k words

Elle smiled at the smell of freshly baked pumpkin pie as she came into the house. She loved having her girlfriend living with her. JJ moved in almost instantly as she’d come from an abusive relationship and needed a fresh start, Elle didn’t mind having her. It made her home feel less lonely. 

JJ still worked at the BAU as a media liaison but Elle had left and moved on to work as a criminal lawyer - well, training for one. After everything that happened, she needed to know that innocent women who were hurt and treated unfairly get some justice and closure. As much as she didn’t want anything to do with the BAU for the way they treated her, she needed her JJ. No matter what, she’d never, ever leave her JJ. 

“Something smells so delicious,” Elle said entering the kitchen. “Oh god! Elle you scared me,” JJ screeched, jumping back. Elle laughed slightly and wrapped her arms around JJ. “Boo,” she whispered in her ear. JJ smiled slightly and wrapped her arms around Elle and kissed her cheek. Elle could feel JJ’s hammering heart beat against her chest and grew worried slightly - she really had scared her. “I missed you, how was your exam?” “It was good, yeah. I think I passed. How was your case?” Elle smiled and made herself a coffee. JJ brushed off talking about the case, it was one of the hardest she’d ever faced and did not want to talk about it. “That’s good. Case was fine. I was thinking maybe tonight, we could have a bath or something then watch a movie with some snacks. I made pumpkin pie which is what you could smell. But we can go to the store and pick up other snacks if you don’t want the pie - we don’t even need to have a bath together, I can leave you alone in there. I know-” Elle cut of JJ’s rambles with a soft kiss. She cupped JJ’s cheeks. “Sweetheart, you are the most cutest ever,” she mumbled, causing JJ to blush. “I’d love to have a bath with you and watch movies with you and eat your amazing pumpkin pie.” JJ’s eyes lit up as she raises her head. “You do?” “I do baby. Are you ready now? I think I need a good soak after today.”

They ended up in the bath, JJ between Elle’s legs and soft music playing. Elle ran her fingers through JJ’s hair as they spoke about their day, their weeks to come and general things. JJ felt so comforted in Elle’s arms. Elle was proving to her what love was. After everything she’d been through in her last relationships, she struggled a lot at first. There was lots of tears, panic attacks and general fear around getting with Elle - being with Elle. Being with anyone again terrified JJ. But Elle was patient, so patient and loving and calm with all of it. JJ felt so lucky in that sense. There was a lot of turmoil around the relationship when Elle left the BAU - she went through a lot of pain but JJ was there for her the way Elle was constantly there for her. It was a constant love cycle, reciprocated and shared between them both and JJ had never felt so secure in a relationship. Yet, she couldn’t open up about what she saw, how she felt - about how horrified she was.

“What are you thinking about my love?” Elle asked, running her knuckles gently down JJ’s cheek. JJ leaned to the side and looked up at Elle. “Just about how much I love you.” Elle smiled and held JJ closer to her. “Tell me baby, tell me how much you love me-” JJ giggled. Elle loved hearing it all. “I love the way you just make me feel so safe,” JJ sighed. “I never would have felt safe enough to sit in a bath, in dim lighting, naked with someone else - not before I met you.” “You’re always so safe with me,” Elle replied, kissing JJ’s temple. “I love how you’re so considerate of my feelings, so gentle with me.” “So gentle because you’re my little muffin,” Elle giggled. JJ blushed and agreed. She loved being protected by Elle. “I love how you’re so calm, even when I annoy you,” she giggled a little and Elle laughed. “Yeah, because you’re so annoying,” she teased. “Peanut you’ve never annoyed me, not once. I’ll always be calm with you.” “I just love you, Elle,” JJ sighed. Elle smiled and grabbed her girl’s chin, lifting up to kiss her. It was a slow, soft kiss and JJ just melted into her girlfriends arms even more. 

They were curled in each other’s arms, watching the old style halloween movies. JJ felt tired, her head on Elle’s chest and her Elle’s fingers in her hair. Elle loved running her fingers through her blonde hair. “You can sleep sweetie,” Elle whispered. “No because I want to watch the film,” JJ replied. She also didn’t want to have nightmares. She hadn’t slept properly since the case. Elle nodded and knew JJ would be asleep any minute. Elle respected her girlfriend more than anyone. She understood how unbelievably strong she was, after everything she’d been through and she was still as pure and sweet as sugar. “I love you baby,” Elle whispered. “I love you baby,” JJ replied, snuggling in further. 

Elle held her girlfriend tightly as JJ let out soft snores and little whimpers in her sleep. She played more and more halloween films, letting the night run away from her. 

However, a knock at the door made Elle curse - she hadn’t prepared for any trick or treaters. She slid out from under JJ and grabbed the box of snacks, JJ’s snacks, from the kitchen and ran to the door. However, she didn’t see little ones in costumes, instead, there was Emily Prentiss. Elle didn’t recognise her, and she grew confused. 

“Hi, you must be Elle. Is JJ here?” Emily asked holding out a hand. “She’s just asleep - sorry- who are you?” “Oh, I’m sorry. I’m Emily Prentiss, I work with JJ.” Elle smirked and crossed her arms, having put the snack box down. “My replacement, huh.” “Well, not exa-” “I’m just teasing. Why do you need JJ? Is everything okay? You guys just got back she can’t go again yet,” Elle said but knew it was quite possible. “Oh no, Hotch gave us some time off after the difficult case. I just came to check up on her, she wasn’t answering her messages that’s all.” Elle grew confused, “difficult case?” “She didn’t tell you?” “No,” Elle sighed and looked over at the sofa where JJ was fast asleep. “Come in, it’s cold out there.” 

She guided Emily to the kitchen, offered her pumpkin pie and a coffee which she gratefully took. “She told me the case was fine, what happened?” Elle probed. “I don’t want to overstep if  she doesn’t want to talk about it-” Emily said. “No, you’re not. You’re talking about it, not her. She’s flat out anyway-” Emily went on to explain the case, how Spencer was kidnapped, how her and Hotch found JJ in the barn around the mutilated bodies and dead dogs. Elle gasped, not even able to imagine the pain JJ is going through in her head. “She didn’t even mention it once?” Emily asked, shocked. “No- she didn’t. We’ve just had a chill night,” Elle sighed. She was annoyed she didn’t pick up on it but then again, knew that with her past, JJ knew how to hide her pain well. 

“Emily?” they heard JJ say in shock. “Oh hey JJ!” Emily replied, turning in her chair. JJ had very clearly just woken up, she was confused and dazed. “What are you doing here?” JJ asked, she walked around the island and into Elle’s open arms. “I came to check up on you - after the case,” “The case was fine, you don’t need to be here,” JJ said, turning away. “JJ,” Elle warned. “It’s okay to be affected by a case. We’re all here for you-” “No! It’s fine. I don’t want to talk about it. Emily you can leave, I’m going to bed.” JJ turned away and ran up the stairs, away from the two brunettes watching her worried. 

“I’ll go talk to her once you’ve gone,” Elle sighed. “I’ll go. I’m sorry if I overstepped,” Emily replied. She got up and Elle walked her to the door. “No, thank you for coming Emily - I appreciate it. JJ never would have expressed her upset if I didn’t know. Come again soon.” 

Elle headed up the stairs to hear JJ crying into her pillow. She didn’t say anything, just slid in behind her girlfriend and pulled her into her arms. “I’ve got you sweetheart,” Elle whispered. JJ rolled over and hid in her chest. “You’re safe now. So, so safe.” Elle held her tighter. 

JJ fell asleep in Elle’s arms, feeling safer. It was a different type of safe, now Elle knew. It was like she really was protecting her from the scary dogs. 

“I love you peanut,” Elle said gently into JJ’s soft snores. “So much.”

[lilveeblog]

little!JJ x cg!Elle headcanons

just saying this is the cutest duo i’ve seen in sooooo long

✩ little jj is very shy and reserved in the first season, no one else knowing about her regression

✩ elle knows all her telltale signs of the littleness.

✩ jj is so well behaved for elle, always being sweet and it’s a very rare occurrence of her being naughty.

✩ jj never slips around the team and if she does, it’s very subtly and elle will give her space

✩ elle treats jj like an absolute princess, constantly treating her and giving her cuddles and always kisses

✩ jj loves playing dress up and tea parties and elle never has any objections. always dressing up with her and doing her hair and makeup

✩ jj loves sleeping in elle’s bed. she doesn’t have a little room but has her own spare room at elle’s house but will regularly crawl into elle’s in the middle of the night

✩ elle always wakes up before jj and holds her so tight, admiring her sleeping, little face.

✩ every morning, before work, jj has a little huff about going in but elle promises to give her big cuddles and rewards if she’s a good girl and goes in

✩ jj struggles very much with dealing with her sadness. elle is the only one who knows about roslyn and helps her process that

✩ once elle leaves the team, jj struggles with not having her there and warming up to the rest of the team

✩ for a while, elle visits the team for jj and when she misbehaves, the team call in elle to help.

✩ even when elle leaves the city, she still checks in on little jj and steps up when emily goes to paris.

[reidsaurora]

TIS ME.

being unique and all with emily prentiss x gn! reader - candy cane kisses. :)))

"As The Snow Flutters Down" ~ E. Prentiss

Summary: Just a cute lil blurb about playing in the snow with Miss Prentiss 🫶🏻

Pairing: Emily Prentiss x GN!Reader

Word Count: 873

Content Warning: slightly suggestive but not really, mild mention of food, i think that's it

Genre: Fluff of course

Extra Notes: none i can think of!

Based On the Prompts: "You're going to catch a cold!" *Achew!* "See? Now what did I tell you!" ☆ "Please, come inside and warm up, won't you?"

Originally Written: 01/07/2022

Beta Read By: @lukeclvez and @leftoverenvy

Criminal Minds masterlist can be found here!

"ofwilliamandwalter's Christmas special" can be found here!

'Twas the day before Christmas and outside the house, snow was falling down and that's where you'd find Emily Prentiss' spouse.

"You're gonna catch a cold!" Emily scolded from the doorway. Not a second later, a small Ah-choo! could be heard from across the yard.

Emily smirked, her arms crossed in front of her chest. "See, now what did I tell you?"

"Don't care!" you yelled back, falling into the mound of snow you'd been building for nearly a half hour. "I'm having fun, which is more than you can say!"

Emily rolled her eyes, shaking her head and making her raven hair bounce against her shoulders. "This is what I get for marrying someone younger than me, isn't it?" she scoffed. "You're so childish. You know that, right?"

A smug smile pulled at your lips as you nodded. "At least I'm not an old stick in the mud!" you teased back.

Surprisingly, despite it being December, it was the first snowfall of the year, and you were basking in every second of it. You'd already made three snow angels in the front yard of your townhome and had spent the past half hour working on the aforementioned snow mound in hopes of using it as a fortress if Emily finally gave in and came outside for a snowball fight.

Emily on the other hand hated absolutely anything hiemal. On the Christmases leading up to your meeting, she'd always save up her vacation time and treat herself to a trip to Hawaii, basking in the warm rays and flaunting her tan when she'd go back to work.

Emily reckoned most everything about your relationship was an "opposites attract" situation. You liked the cold, she liked the warm. She preferred chocolate, you preferred vanilla. She was an early riser, you were a night owl.

There was one thing you both could always agree on: that you loved each other more than you'd ever loved a person before. That's how you ended up married after all, and now, how you ended up trying to convince her to play with you in the snow.

Emily rolled her eyes for the hundredth time that afternoon as she leaned on the doorway. "You're ridiculous!"

"And you're mean!" you pouted.

After a moment, you came to terms with the fact that you were getting nowhere with pouting. Time for phase two: practically begging. "Baby, please? Your coat's right by the door. And we don't have to stay out here all day, just for a little while!" you bargained, your bottom-lip puckered out impossibly further than it already was.

She looked away for a moment, her expression one of consideration. "Hmm," she said, tapping a finger against her chin, "only if you promise we can take a warm bath together afterward."

With a smirk, you replied, "Well, how could I say no to that?"

That was how you found yourself dodging snowball after snowball, running and ducking behind everything your front lawn had to offer. "You can't catch me!" you'd taunt. "Oh, yes, I can!" she'd yell back, hitting you smack dab in the face with a snowball.

After a while, she'd called out, "Hey, can we call a truce? My legs aren't what they used to be."

Out of breath and probably on the verge of collapse, you managed to reply, "Yes, please."

You'd started to make your way toward the porch, slowly but surely. By this point, your boots were sticky with snow and your legs felt like Jell-O.

"Hey!" she shouted, grabbing your attention. "I have a gift for you, my love."

She seemed innocent enough, but cautiously you walked back toward her. "Yeah?"

Emily lifted her hands, showing off the heart-shaped snowball she'd made. "To represent the love I have for you."

Your cheeks blushed evermore crimson as you leaned over, not wanting to smash her creation. You left a soft kiss on her chapped lips, taking in the taste of the candy cane she'd been eating earlier. "I love you."

All of a sudden, you were met with a handful of snow, the spare snowflakes settling on your eyelashes as you scoffed. "I love you too," she smirked. "Now can we please go inside and warm up?"

You were tempted to grab a handful of snow and get your well-deserved payback, but resisted. "I hate you."

She wrapped her arms around your shoulders, clinging to you as you both trudged toward the house. "I love you, too."

The majority of your night was spent in peppermint scented bubble bath, taking turns massaging the knots out of each other's shoulders after your long day of fun and play. Though soon enough, you found yourselves cuddled in bed, watching whatever crappy Hallmark movie was on, your arms around Emily's tummy as your head rested against her chest. She trailed soft kisses along your hairline, taking in the scent of the vanilla shampoo she'd used earlier on your hair.

The room was nearly silent, save for the television, until the alarm rang out through her phone on the nightstand.

With a content sigh, you smiled, "Merry Christmas, my angel."

"Merry Christmas to you," she said, leaving a delicate kiss on your hair, "and to you, a good night."

OK IDC IF I WROTE EMILY VERY BADLY, THIS IS KINDA CUTE 🫶🏻

anyway, i hope you enjoy, my dear cj bestie!!! i'm super happy with how this turned out. as i said with my last request, i was in a lil bit of a writing slump so it took me a couple tries to write this one but i finally got to something i liked and i hope you like it too!

↳ Request an imagine here!

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☆𝐓𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐓 𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐏𝐄𝐎𝐏𝐋𝐄 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐃𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐒

[lordesfolklore]

cm ship icons

like/reblog is you use/save

[cowboyx2]

Can you find me with the lights out?

AO3 // MASTERLIST

Chapter Name: Half of a family

Pairings: Penemily, Moreid, & hinted Jelle

Chapter Summary: A day and a half for Rossi’s Diner crew is just as hectic as it is everyday there: an angry customer, visiting parents, family issues and much more

Warnings: Swearing, Implied Abuse, Mention of Death

A/N: AYEEEEE!!! it’s finally here!! i hope y’all enjoy :’)

Quantico was definitely not luxurious or even nice so to speak. People from all over the country drove through on their way up to New York and maybe they’d make a stop or two. If they did, Rossi’s, the only functional diner in town would be the place to take a rest.———————————————————————-

Spencer, Emily and JJ all come in with the ding of the door being pushed to the background as Emily, like always talks louder than she should. “How does it feel to be dating an adult, Spencer! Are you scared he’s gonna have too many responsibilities?” She sticks her bottom lip out in a pout. JJ walks ahead of them leaving Reid to explain to her that he is an adult and Morgan has also been one for awhile for the fifth time.

Derek leans over the counter already wearing his apron like he’s supposed to. “Will you leave him alone, Em? Like he said he’s an adult, though I wouldn’t expect someone with a pea for a brain to understand!”

Ignoring Derek’s comments is never an option for her so instead of getting ready for work Emily opts to spend the short amount of time pelting Derek with pebbles from her coat. She only stops when Hotch appears in the kitchen door way holding a frying pan, she’s not sure if he’s so done with her shit already that he’ll hit her with it, but better safe then sorry.

At the counter Penelope and Spencer busy themselves with yet another crossword puzzle whist waiting for the morning crowd. Before they can finish the puzzle and more importantly before Emily’s even ready for work none other than Elle Greenaway walks in. JJ from across the diner perks up immediately.

“Is it going to be the usual this time, Greenaway?” Pen smiles way to brightly for 7am on a Friday. Elle smirks glancing at Emily in the back. “Depends are you going to forget the nutmeg in my coffee this time?” Emily waves her off, tying up the back of her apron and placing her notepad in the pocket.

A few more of the normal crowd rolls in with a handful of oddballs popping in from their travels. “JJ what’s your schedule again? I wanna have a girls day!” Penelope twirls a bright pink pen with a fuzzy pom pom on top in her hands. Next to her is JJ sat at the bar trying to cram for her public relations test before her own shift.

“I’ve told you a thousand times, I work the lunch shift Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. Don’t worry about my class schedule, i’ll just text it to you!” Penelope rolls her eyes but inevitably adds JJ’s schedule to her planner. Quickly and hopefully without anyone noticing JJ sneaks off to Elle’s table, it’s just quieter there, that’s what she’ll tell herself. In reality most of them notice her skipping off to talk to the taller women at the booth in the corner.

Penelope oblivious to her friend shifts her focus. “What about you Spencer? Is my little boy wonder still working nights on Saturdays?” The boy in question wipes down a table across from her as he gives her a curt nod. “Still? You’re spreading yourself too thin by working all through the week, going to night school AND working nights on Saturdays. You’re lucky old Rossi doesn’t allow you to work Sundays!”

“Hey! Derek and Em work Saturday nights too!” Instead of scolding the other two she rolls her eyes. “Why do you think they do it? Hm? Emily needs the money to pay for her SHITTY APARTMENT!!” Emily shushes her from her seat. “and she wants to make you don’t get murdered on the way home from work while our little hottie, Derek Morgan works Saturdays instead of Mondays so he can visit his ma..” In a quieter tone she lets him know it’s also because he loves him.

Interrupting their much too loud conversation is Aaron practically begging them to be quiet. They finally give in, not because of him but because Emily’s been threatening to shut them up so she can focus on her app game. Which is short lived by Hotch grabbing the phone out of her hand, she supposed to be taking orders.

——

As always Penelope sits in the back of the diner after the morning shift ends whilst the rest of them continue to work. “Hello? Is someone gonna take my fucking order?” The man looks as if he’s ready to murder someone but even with that JJ makes her way to the other side of the bar for help him.

God she wishes Rossi would hire a cashier girl for lunches and nights, maybe she can convince Penelope to work through lunch like most of them.

She takes one long deep breath. “I’m sorry sir, can I take your order?”

The guy is at least 6 foot five probably more, he absolutely towers over JJ. They don’t get angry costumers often and normally Prentiss or Hotch are dispatched to deal with them but here little JJ is. “Fucking finally! Do you know how long i’ve been waiting?” Jennifer quickly glanced over at Emily on the complete other side of the diner. She’s busy dealing with some costumer, Reid’s also taking someone’s order. Seamlessly JJ flashes a bright smile in hopes to smooth this over.

“I apologize, sir. Can I get you a donut for your wait?” She’s not supposed to comp food but her worry that he could bash her face in takes over. His hands are in tight fists on the counter and from what she can remember of Spencer’s lecture on body language, he’s half way ready to attack someone. “Sir?” The man scoffs in her face letting his disgusting breath fan out across her face.

“Yeah sure, give me a damn donut and maybe I won’t make a scene.” He leans back air quoting at her offer. “I just want a fucking coffee or is that too complicated for you? Huh?” JJ punches in the order trying not to get heated but once he pushes the money into her hand the anger boils over.

Quickly the fear she once had bubbles into a mess of rage, she knows this isn’t how she should react but the action is already in motion. Swiftly she makes his coffee not missing a beat and in one fowl motion she slams it onto the counter. The dark boiling liquid spills over, landing on and burning the man’s hand.

“YOU CRAZY BITCH!” His hands fly up in either anger or pain, most likely both. Instinctually JJ steps back, leaning against the desert case. Behind JJ the kitchen door swings open. “HEY! Either get the fuck out or calm down!” In the doorway, Hotch holds a pan in his hand again but this time his face looks more than serious. The man stands up, knocking the cup over in retaliation. “Y’know what, fuck this! Next time calm your bitch down!”

The door diner door slams closed, leaving JJ shell shocked, still pressed up against the desert case. “Hey, Jayje. You alright?” Emily jogs over from the other side of the diner. Slowly and carefully JJ moves to clean up the newly made mess. “Yeah, Yeah i’m fine. Just uh go um take orders.” With a sigh and an eye roll Prentiss goes off on her way to take some douche’s order.

——

“Emily, stop flirting with Penelope already and get back to work!” Hotch slips back into the kitchen hopefully to stay there until his shift is over. Just two more damn hours and he can go home nap and then drag his ass to night school.

“Hotch, you good?” Derek staring at him, his potatoes only half chopped in front of him. “Yeah, Yeah.. Just finish the potatoes, I don’t want another costumer to yell at the waitstaff.” Back to their good ol’ silence, better than yelling, he sure as hell doesn’t want it to be like back home.

——

As the dinner shift people start to filter in, Everyone else starts to leave. Emily’s holding the door open for her girlfriend when she catches JJ’s eye. “You need a ride? Me and Pen are just goin’ to my apartment, isn’t your parents on the way?” She does the “nervous shuffle” as Derek dubbed it last week, it’s already freezing she better agree. “Oh, um I uh.. I have to get to class, my um mom’s waiting outside.”

“Yeah, that’s chill! Catch you Monday..” Emily jumps down the steps linking up with Penelope at the bottom. They turn the corner, hands interlocked. Only after, JJ steps out into the cold and makes her way to her mom’s car at the end of the street.

In the kitchen Hotch and Derek clean up whilst Spencer looks on, waiting for Derek to finish up. “Do you need help?” Spencer rocks back and forth on his toes with Derek’s coat clutched in his hands. His boyfriend shakes his head, shoving the last crate into the pantry.

Anderson pokes his head in. “Y’all clean up quick, Ashley isn’t even in yet! Don’t worry i can fill in for her, you guys go on!” Derek smiles back at him. “Thanks, Andy!” The other man murmurs something about that not being his name but Derek is already engulfed in another conversation.

Aaron, Spencer and Derek exit out the back door but part once leaving the building. Morgan calls out his goodbyes and Spence waves. “See ya, Hotch!” The sun’s covered up by clouds making it seem later then it is. Hotch focused on making it home before his brother gets back from school almost forgets to wave but his mother raised him right.

——

8 o’ clock rolled around on Saturday morning most of the small Rossi’s diner family awake. Emily and Penelope were at the subway on their way to the town of Southbridge. They always tried to go on Saturdays or one of their days off, Pen’s parents were buried there. Emily never actually got to meet them and her mother didn’t approve of her “lifestyle” so visiting Penelope’s parents graves was about as normal as it got for them.

Penelope like always had packed a little lunch tucked up in some hello kitty tupperware that she begged her mom to get her when she was five. Emily was sat next to her practically falling asleep on her shoulder. Penelope couldn’t imagine how she could sleep with her music yelling into her ears from her phone. Nonetheless Pen didn’t bother to wake her, she had to work the night shift that day anyways. She needed her rest and Penelope couldn’t manage herself.

Back in Quantico, Hotch had already begun his shift for the day. He hated working on Saturdays, if he had his way he’d be at the library with Sean. But of course nothing ever seems to go Hotch’s way. “Hey! I need a bacon with eggs, dude wants cheese on the side.” Hotch really never would get used to dealing with the unpleasantness of working at a diner.

Normally he would be bombarded with Prentiss’s yelling, Morgan’s awful jokes, Garcia’s flirtatious comments, JJ’s nonstop questions and Reid’s nonstop answers. Saturday was much worse some how, everything seemed so bleak without all his colorful.... coworkers

Remember Aaron, don’t get attached, they’re coworkers not friends... not family.

Don’t get attached.

Not even hours later he was getting attached, of course he wouldn’t admit it.

——

The only other person awake from their little group of coworkers was JJ. And like any other Saturday morning she was marching right down to dad’s stupid condo on the other end of town. Her light pink crossbody purse was hitting against her side as she stomped down the sidewalk.

Hotch had taken his 15 minute lunch in the alleyway of diner, definitely a safe spot be. He was eating half a ham sandwich when he heard JJ, it was soft murmurs of something. In mere seconds her “soft murmurs” became louder and clearer, they were more of vulgar curses then anything else. So of course just his luck she walked straight by the stupid step stool he was sitting on. He just had to open his mouth, didn’t he.

“Oh... uh, are you alright?” Of course she wasn’t alright, she was speed waking down a street muttering insults. JJ locked eyes with him, how could someone so small he so scary. “Alright? No, yeah! I’m absolutely peachy!” So that was no..

“Uh, where are you off to?” Bad question, bad question, very bad question. “Oh y’know just to run errands!” She could of murdered him right then and there but she kept on her way. Was he supposed to stop her? That’d be a bad idea, definitely a bad idea, right?

“JJ!” Who said he was good at making decisions.

A/N: i hope you enjoyed the first part!! there’ll be many more to come!! sorry i’m so fucking excited.... OH also let me know if you want to be on the “diner au taglist” or my permanent one (or off of one!!)

Permanent Taglist:

@exspectare @ssaemxlyprentxss @lizziechase @reese-the-edgy-enby @pretty-b0yy @fuckshitupm8-deactivated3728 @abit-criminalminds @royalpenelope

[gravelyhumerus]

Criminal Minds College AU - Chapter Twelve

Fandom: Criminal Minds

Title: “I may just take your breath away” Relationship: Jemily

Rating: Explicit (as of this chapter) Summary: JJ faces consequence for her actions (and gets a hickey).

Slow-burn Jemily college AU where they live across the hall and despite all odds, the universe pushes them together. AKA they’re silly gay babies who pine after each other for months.

Read it on AO3

Tumblr:  One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, Eleven, Twelve, Thirteen, Fourteen, Fifteen, Sixteen, (bonus scene), Seventeen, Eighteen, Nineteen, Twenty, Epilogue

JJ threw herself down onto the bench, hoisting her cleat onto the table and yanking the laces loose. She bit her cheek to keep from crying as her breaths came in heaves. 

She had run from it all, again. That’s all she was good for anyways, running away. It’s what Jareaus did best. 

She closed her eyes, focusing on the present, pushing away all of the thoughts of home that were flashing across her vision. 

Home, in her quiet, empty childhood home, JJ had gotten a text from Emily Prentiss. JJ read the message, standing stock-still in the bathroom that sent shivers down her spine. 

The sight of the girl’s name made her smile, brought a shiver of excitement down her spine and the ghost of a kiss to her lips. 

But, when she closed her eyes, Rosalyn’s blood pooled on the tile floor underneath her feet. JJ couldn’t respond to Emily’s text. Instead, she curled up on the floor next to where her sister died. 

JJ shook her head, returning to the present. This wasn’t the time, she thought. 

She moved to her other shoe, untying the laces and prying the cleat off of her sore foot. She rolled her knee-high socks off of her calves, focusing on the familiar motions and not the swirling thoughts and emotions that tugged at her brain. 

But today, soccer wasn’t helping. The sport had always been her solace, the pitch a place where she could forget who she was, what she was, for a couple hours. But today, the mess that was her life had broken through the barrier, and gotten her sent home from practice early. 

JJ cursed as she stripped off her uniform, working her tight shirt and sports bra over her head, then removing her baggy navy blue shorts. Wrapping a towel around her, JJ grit her teeth as she took her toiletries into the shower. 

With a protesting squeak, the tap spun under JJ’s hands. She turned it just past midway, then further into the red, hoping the hot water would wash away the fog that clogged JJ’s brain.

JJ’s father was gone. Her mother hadn’t had the heart to tell her. Leaving it for JJ to arrive in her childhood home, finding out in person that the dining room now had two empty chairs instead of just one.

She stepped into the shower and let the scalding water run over her body. 

“I’m sorry Jenny,” her mother said, her voice breaking with the words. “I didn’t know how to say it over the phone, and after your break up-”

He had left without so much of a goodbye. She should have seen it coming. The fighting that had been bad when she was a teen, had only gotten worse after JJ wasn’t there to try and hold the pieces of her broken family together. 

She had frozen in the foyer, her duffel bag still in hand, as her mother stood before her, begging her to say something. 

JJ didn’t know what to say, still didn’t. All she knew was that she wasn’t enough. Not enough of a sister, of a daughter, of a girlfriend. She wasn’t enough for anyone, and she knew it. She couldn’t keep her family together. She couldn’t keep her sister alive. And she was certainly not good enough for someone like Emily Prentiss to love. 

Hot tears melded with the water raining down from above as JJ let out a quiet sob that echoed through the change room. 

“Jareau?” Kennedy’s confused voice called out as the door to the locker room slammed shut behind her. 

JJ stifled her cry with her hand over her mouth and tried to settle herself down. Breathing in and out, JJ closed her eyes and focused on the rush of the hot water over her body. 

JJ had run around the track, harder, faster, pushing herself further than she should have. She ran the drills sloppily, her aggression showing though in bursts of frustration when she couldn’t master her footwork. Her coach sent her to the locker room early; apparently he had enough of JJ’s bad mood.

JJ shook her head; she turned off the water and grabbed the towel, wrapping it around her before peeking her head out of the stall. 

“Yeah?” she croaked. 

“Seriously, like, what is going on with you?” Kennedy asked. 

JJ frowned, walking over and sitting on the bench, busying herself with towelling off her hair with her extra towel rather than answering the question. She shivered in the cool air.

“You’ve been all over the place this semester,” Kennedy continued, unheeded. “First you’re all weird, then you’re all smiley, now your brain is somewhere else.”

JJ didn’t look at her. 

“And frankly,” Kennedy continued, her wide blue eyes boring into the side of JJ’s face, “we can’t handle someone whose head isn’t in the game with playoffs coming up.”

JJ gulped. She was right. This had come at the worst possible time. All of this. And it was getting to her, affecting her game, making her sloppy. “Is this still about your break-up?” Kennedy asked. “Did something happen over Thanksgiving?”

“Honestly,” JJ sighed, “yes and no.”

“I don’t understand,” she said. 

She didn’t really understand either. How could she tell Kennedy about how her mother had cried when she had told her that she and Will had broken up? How could she explain that the tense silence between her and her mother was the last straw? How it was somehow worse than her parents' constant fighting? How could she explain that when she stared at the closed door of her dead sister's room, all of the heartbreak came flooding back?

Kennedy watched her, her earnest face blank as JJ wrestled with her inner turmoil. 

JJ’s mind flashed back to the hurt and pain on Emily’s face. The way Emily’s face collapsed into blankness as JJ pulled back, how JJ felt like she had betrayed her friend. 

JJ tried to explain. She went over her break up, in significantly more detail than she planned to, how she had felt bogged down by him, how she didn’t want him to visit, how he seemed to sense that and broke up with her. 

“But wasn’t all that a while ago?” Kennedy asked. 

JJ sighed. This was the catch. 

“There’s someone else on your mind, isn’t there?” Kennedy guessed. Sometimes the girl was actually perceptive. “Why haven’t you said anything? You’ve got to share. Is he hot?”

Well, not that perceptive. 

JJ found herself laughing at the question. She thought for a second. She hadn’t really… come out to anyone before. Penelope Garcia didn’t count, she practically guessed. Same with Spencer. And JJ hadn’t even thought about telling her mom. 

Kennedy was different. She thought JJ was straight and loved talking about boys with her. As the semester progressed, JJ’s interest in these conversations faded alongside her attraction to men.

“She is,” JJ said, to Kennedy’s surprise. 

JJ then proceeded to explain her friendship with Emily, her crush on the girl, and her absolute panic when faced with a potential romance with the other girl. 

“So you’re lesbian?” Kennedy asked.

“Yes. No. Maybe,” JJ floundered. 

“You don’t like me, do you?!” she asked, horror on her face. JJ’s stomach sank at the question. “Because I’m not… not…”

“Kennedy, I don’t,” JJ assured her, feeling a touch icky about the conversation. “I don’t see you that way.”

“Should I stop changing in front of you?” she asked.

JJ sighed in frustration. 

“Hey, you know how you don’t find all boys attractive?” JJ said, trying to dumb it down for her friend. “And some are just friends?”

“I guess,” Kennedy said, “So you don’t want to stare at girls in the change room?”

“No,” JJ said, “I’ve literally seen all of you guys naked. You’re like my siblings.”

“Oh thank god,” Kennedy said. JJ cringed at the relief in her voice, but decided not to call her out on it. “So this girl, Emily, you like her?”

“Yeah,” JJ said. 

“Then why don’t you date her?” Kennedy asked. “Didn’t you guys kiss?”

JJ ran her hands through her hair—a nervous habit she knew messed up her hair and left it poofy—as she tried to formulate her response. She couldn’t even explain it to Emily, or herself, she wasn’t sure how to make Kennedy understand. 

JJ hurt people. She messed everything up. She ruined her last relationship because she got bored of him. Would she do the same to Emily? That would ruin everything. She couldn’t lose Emily. It was better to be friends and have her close than have something more and ruin it. 

Explaining that was a challenge, but eventually Kennedy got it. Mostly.

“I think I’ve just made it worse,” JJ said. “I did exactly what I was trying to avoid, I hurt her.”

“What happened?”

JJ didn’t know what happened. She was still trying to claw her way out of the fog that clogged up her brain. 

“Emily texted me. And I just left her on read,” JJ said, her anger at herself coming through in her tone. “I didn’t mean to. She texted me when her flight landed but I was just so out of it.”

JJ gulped, rifling through her bag for some clothes as the chill of the room was creeping into her bones. 

“I put off responding to Emily until I had a handle on my feelings,” JJ explained, she was too afraid baggage on this girl that she liked so much, desperately avoiding scaring her off. 

Left alone in her childhood bedroom, the walls still painted pink and the band posters still hanging onto her wall with scotch tape, JJ’s thoughts swirled around. She worked herself up to a panic, pacing back and forth across the creaky wooden floor, until she laced up her sneakers and thundered downstairs. 

She ran. First, around the block, passing the familiar neighbours and parks that populated her suburban neighbourhood. She pushed on, heading deeper into suburbia.

Tears stung at her eyes as the route took her back to high school, her feeling of desperation to escape, to get out of this shitty town and all the weight that made her feel like she was slowly sinking. 

That weight had returned. Now, it doubled down on her, making her second guess it all. 

“I could have just pretended like nothing was wrong,” JJ said, “But that felt like a lie.”

Before she realized it, she found herself jogging past Will’s house. 

She remembered the year when he moved to Pennsylvania: it was tenth grade and he was the new kid. He hadn’t known Ros. He was safe, free of the expectations of JJ being the poor little Jareau girl. 

Now, seeing his place sent a pit of anxiety into her stomach. 

“But the more I put it off, the more I started questioning what I had started,” JJ said.

“Like, kissing her, you mean?” Kennedy asked, “Did you regret it or something?”

“No,” she replied, “I would never regret that.”

She ruined things. She hurt people. And if she let things continue with Emily, it would just blow up in her face. 

JJ ran harder, slowly coming to a conclusion. 

“I needed to break it off,” JJ said. “I knew I would hurt her. I just have so much going on. I’ll just hurt her.”

She gritted her teeth as she mentally prepared herself to tell Emily. She knew she had to get it over with. Nip it in the bud before it was real. She couldn’t lose her friend. If she did, she would lose them all. 

It would be all her fault, if things ended badly. All their friends would know that JJ was to blame, Derek would hate her, Hotch too, Spencer would look at her differently, and Penelope would know she made the mistake of being JJ’s friend. 

It would be better if they didn’t start. They didn’t kiss again. No one would get hurt. They could just be friends. Just friends. 

“So you decided to stay friends? Why didn’t you just text her back?”

“I tried. I drafted text after text after text and nothing worked. I just kept deleting it.”

When JJ returned to her parents house—well, her mom’s house now—she picked up her phone, trying to draft a message to Emily. Try as she might, she couldn’t form a coherent sentence. 

“I fucked it up,” JJ admitted to Kennedy. “I thought breaking things off before it started would be better, but I think I made things worse.”

“So you’re not dating her?” 

“No.”

“Look Jen, I’m sorry about your family stuff. That’s hard. My parents split when I was twelve and it seriously fucked me up. I get it. But you gotta get over yourself.”

JJ frowned, feeling offended by the comment, but knew that Kennedy didn’t mean anything by it. She was just like that. 

“You’re not going to make it better by wallowing and lashing out. It’s not healthy, and you’re going to cost us the playoffs. You need to get out of your head.”

Kennedy thought for a minute, seeming to size JJ up on the spot. 

“You know what you need?” Kennedy said. “To get out. See new people. Drink. Have fun.”

This was Kennedy’s solution for everything, but for the first time, JJ didn’t turn the offer down, surprising even herself. 

 ———

JJ gulped her beer, downing it quickly despite the warm foam that swirled in her mouth. She needed to be drunk, like right now. Kennedy seemed to agree, holding the bottle upright to allow the beer flow into JJ’s mouth until she finished the drink.

They were in a dingy frat house, surrounded by miscellaneous athletes. There was a lull before playoffs, for most teams, which meant that the weekend was jam packed with parties. This one was occupied by the soccer teams, men’s basketball, and assorted other players that JJ couldn’t place in her drunken state. 

She wiped her mouth, depositing her bottle on the nearby table, and found herself stumbling somewhat. She was only getting more drunk at this point .  After quite a few rounds of shots before they left Kenendy’s dorm room, JJ was well on her way to being blackout.

JJ was already regretting her decision. With finals and playoffs coming up, she should have been spending this time studying or training. 

But, after days of side looks from Penelope and the sad look in Spencer’s eyes, JJ needed to get out of her residence, away from all the people who knew how much she had fucked it up. Ever since JJ and Emily returned to residence on Sunday, and JJ broke it off, tension between JJ and all of her friends had been palpable.

She had no idea how to fix things, and drinking away her problems seemed like it might actually work. She also knew that after a week of little to no appetite, the alcohol was hitting her harder than it would’ve on a full stomach. 

“Easy girl,” Kennedy laughed, likely even drunker than the blonde. Her bright red hair was straightened, almost unrecognisable to JJ, who was used to the wild frizzy curls she usually sported, and fell halfway down her back. Her blue eyes glinted mischievously as she spotted some people going out for a smoke. 

JJ sighed as Kennedy looked at her pleadingly, knowing the girl wanted to bum a cigarette. She was a notorious drunk smoker. 

“Those will kill you,” JJ warned, as her mind wandered to how she sometimes spotted Emily sitting on the bleachers, smoking alone, lost in thought. She couldn’t explain how something so bad for you could look so hot in the right hands.

“Not if I have just one,” Kennedy said. “I’ll be fine. You need to talk to someone besides me and Jordan. Find a guy. It’ll be good for you.”

JJ sighed. Kennedy and her got along well during practices and were an unstoppable force on the field, but outside of that, they were very different people. Jordan Todd, their mutual friend on the team who played defence, was too busy talking to a group of volleyball players to notice JJ looking at her. 

She ran her eyes around the cramped party, watching masses of bodies writhe to the pounding music. She opened her next beer and took a long swig, swaying slightly to the music, trying to get out of her head and enjoy the party. 

Maybe Kennedy was right. Maybe if JJ could get her mind off Emily, she could focus on just being friends with her. Maybe without all of her romantic feelings clouding her thoughts, JJ could make amends and they could just be friends. 

When Kennedy returned to the party, she had her boyfriend Grant Anderson in tow. He was stocky and had a round face, wearing a polo shirt, khakis and boat shoes like most of the guys at the party. 

JJ greeted him pleasantly, though she was still a little cheesed that he had single-handedly gotten most of the team sick a few weeks ago. 

“We’re getting her laid,” Kennedy announced. 

JJ grimaced as Grant began to list off the eligible bachelors on the water polo team. JJ floundered with her response, deciding instead to gulp down her beer, hoping the alcohol would make this easier.

Before he finished his list, he spotted someone who he clearly decided would be perfect for her. He was tall, muscular, with kind eyes, a perfect man in any other circumstance. 

Kennedy elbowed her in the side as he walked up to him, greeting him with exaggerated excitement and a pointed look to JJ. Despite their previous conversation about JJ’s ambiguous sexuality, Kennedy seemed to have defaulted to setting her up with men. 

He told her his name was Luke, showed her pictures of his dog, and talked to her about how challenging it was to balance being a varsity lacrosse player with academics. He was perfect. The kind of boy that any girl would be thrilled to bring back home to her parents. 

Except JJ couldn’t bring herself to feel any attraction to him. Instead of lust, she pictured herself watching the game with him and eating cheetos.

JJ nodded passively as Kennedy and Grant left her with Luke, trying to focus on the facts about his life. She kicked herself internally, knowing that he seemed smart and kind, and that she shouldn’t be rude, but she couldn’t get Emily out of her mind. Anyways, JJ wasn’t even sure if she even liked men at all. 

As Luke explained his major and minor combo, and how that was going to get him into the FBI some day, JJ’s mind wandered to the thought of running her hands through Emily’s silky black hair.

JJ zoned out, her eyes drifting across the party, wondering where Kennedy, Grant and Jordan had all wandered off to.

As if called, Kennedy walked up with a bottle of jägermeister and some plastic shot glasses. She greeted Luke with a friendly greeting, obviously familiar with the tall lacrosse player.

“Shots?” She asked with a grin. JJ rolled her eyes but couldn’t say no, she was already drunk and the idea of more alcohol sounded like a good idea at the time. 

They downed two shots before Kennedy heard a song that she liked playing over the speakers and she headed back onto the dance floor to find her boyfriend, leaving JJ alone with Luke. 

A girl caught her eye from across the party, leaning casually on the kitchen counter, sipping something amber coloured out of a glass. JJ recognized her from the bar that they went to on trivia nights, her auburn hair cut in a bob and mischievous eyes were unmistakable. She was the bartender, who JJ had, at one point, caught flirting with Emily. 

Now, the girl was making eyes at her. 

JJ looked back to Luke, who was asking her about her major, and her plans for the future. She had to admit that she didn’t really know, and that she was keeping her options open. 

Distracted by the other girl’s presence, JJ’s eyes kept flicking towards the brunette, tracking her as she walked across the room and right up to JJ. 

“Hey there,” the mystery girl said, smiling at JJ and giving Luke a quick wave. 

“Hello,” Luke said with a friendly nod. 

“I think your friend’s looking for a partner,” the girl said, pointing towards one of Luke’s friends who was waving over at him. He was tall and had an oversized navy and yellow varsity jacket. He, like Luke, seemed familiar from other varsity events that JJ had attended, Simon… or Simmons or something like that. 

Before she knew it, Luke was pulled into a beer pong game, giving JJ an apologetic smile and a wave, before leaving her with the brunette. 

The taller girl looked her up and down, blatantly checking her out. 

“What are you drinking?” she asked, gesturing to JJ’s beer. “An IPA?”

“You got it,” JJ said. “You?”

“Tequila sunrise,” she responded. “I like things sweet.”

JJ found herself blushing, as the girl leaned in to say that. The girl's hair was curled, resting just below her ears on her neck in a playful style. She had impressive liquid eyeliner swooping across her lids and a soft nude lipstick on her lips. JJ’s eyes moved south, taking in her low cut blouse and skin tight jeans. 

Her head spun at the sight of her. And at the sheer amount of beer that she had consumed. 

The brunette’s face was soft, tanned. Her eyes large, looking down at her with an impish grin. She was lithe and sultry, and smelled like licorice.  

“Like what you see?” the stranger said, smirking at JJ’s reddening face. “The name’s Elle, I think I’ve seen you around.” 

“Jennifer, but my friends call me JJ,” she said. 

“Well. Jennifer, let's see if we can work up to calling you JJ then, shall we?”

Elle drained the last of her drink, placing the glass on a nearby table. 

“Want to get out of this dump?” Elle asked. 

JJ nodded dumbly, acting without thinking, and followed the girl out of the party, sending Kennedy a quick text as she grabbed her coat. 

JJ: took ur advice! see yuo later

Kennedy didn’t respond, as she was too busy chugging beer from a funnel at the time. 

The two girls walked outside, and within seconds JJ’s face was between Elle’s hands, pulled into a deep, passionate and incredibly sexy kiss. 

JJ acted on autopilot, responding in kind to the other girl’s advances as she pressed JJ up against the brick wall, grinding into her as Elle swiped her tongue against JJ’s. 

Despite feeling unsteady, with the two shots of alcohol hitting her hard, JJ’s stomach flopped at the thought of kissing someone who wasn’t Emily. Half of her wanted to race home, knock on Emily’s door, and beg her forgiveness, but the other half was melting into this stranger’s arms. 

JJ’s blood raced through her veins, and she could feel the need flash across her mind. She wanted this girl, knowing nothing about her. She was there, and she was touching JJ, and it was all she wanted in that moment. 

JJ was also very drunk. Drunker than she had been in a long time. The world spun slightly, and she felt warm despite the frosty air. 

When Elle pulled back, JJ’s lips were swollen and she was desperate for more. 

“Your place or mine?” Elle asked. 

 ———

They tumbled into Elle’s room, hands tugging at clothing and lips connected the entire time. JJ kicked off her shoes and fiddled with her belt, trying to remove obstacles early on in the process. 

Soon Elle was standing in front of her wearing only a pair of jeans and a lacy black bra, the sight of which made JJ acutely aware of the wetness that was pooling between her legs. 

“Take this off,” Elle commanded, tugging on the v-neck blue shirt that JJ had worn, not knowing when she was picking out her outfit that she would actually be going home with someone. 

JJ obeyed, pulling it over her head, revealing a grey sports bra with a white stretchy band that wrapped around her ribcage. Elle pulled her in for another kiss, her mouth demanding and insistent. 

As they kissed, Elle’s deft hands undid the button on her jeans, and pulled down the zipper on her fly. JJ then shimmied her jeans off, leaving her in her underwear as she watched Elle do the same. 

Somehow the other girls movements were elegant and intentional, making the awkward motion of stripping look hot. 

“Bed,” Elle said, guiding JJ onto the edge of her own bed and straddling her. 

Elle lived off campus, in a fairly average apartment. Her room was neat, with only scattered books and a bit of laundry on the ground in the corner. Her bed was soft, but squeaked with their motion. JJ hoped Elle didn’t have any roommates. 

JJ held onto her thighs as Elle kissed down her jaw, before moving her lips to JJ’s pulse point and down her neck. Elle sucked on the soft skin above her collar bone, evoking a surprised moan from JJ. 

Her breathing grew heavy as Elle sucked on her neck and buried her hands in her hair. JJ gripped the brunette's thighs even tighter, before running her arms up and down her spine, tracing the feeling of a woman’s body, almost naked against hers. 

It was a different feeling, having a girl's breast pressed up against hers. The softness of Elle’s face was so different from the roughness of any man's. 

As JJ was lost in thought, an almost tentative hand fiddled with the back of her sports bra. No, not tentative, there was nothing about Elle that was tentative. It was a question, asking for consent to strip JJ’s final layer off. JJ nodded and before she knew it, Elle was pulling the garment smoothly off of her head. 

Elle’s lips went lower, her tongue dragging across the small swell of JJ’s breast and swirled around her nipple.  JJ gasped and clenched her thighs at the sensation, squeezing her eyes shut in pleasure. 

“You’re such a pretty thing,” Elle whispered at her.  

JJ opened her eyes as Elle sucked on her nipple, eliciting a quiet, oh , in surprise. She could feel Elle smiling, a devilish grin of a girl who knew exactly what she was doing. 

Then, she stopped and grinned at her. JJ stared, slack jaw, back at her as her head spun with alcohol and lust. 

Elle patted her thigh, an instruction to get further on the bed, JJ did so, moving up onto it. Elle carefully placed herself on top of JJ, propping herself up by her elbows as she resumed their kiss. 

JJ reached around to Elle’s back, deciding to undo her bra and level the playing field, but she fumbled with the clasp. A blush went to her cheeks as she struggled with the fastener, tugging at it frantically. 

“First time?” Elle asked her, grinning wolfishly down at her. 

JJ couldn't lie, so she just nodded before adding: “With a girl at least.”

“Don’t worry,” Elle whispered. “I’ll show you the ropes.”

She sat on her haunches and one handedly took off her own bra, flinging it somewhere off the bed and staring down at JJ. 

JJ panted as she took all of Elle in, her big eyes, parted lips. Her long neck and graceful swoop of her collar bones. Her round breasts and tanned skin before her. 

A pair of black panties hid the last of Elle from JJ, hugging her hips and teasing her of what lay beneath. 

Elle pulled JJ onto herself, guiding her down with confident hands on JJ’s thighs. They resumed their kiss, now breathy and frantic, their lips crashed together in open mouthed kisses, both girls desperate to get closer.

Elle’s hand grazed her hip, trailing along her thigh and coming to rest between JJ’s legs. JJ’s hips bucked into the touch, grinding down onto Elle’s hand. 

“Someone’s excited,” Elle noted between kisses. 

Elle flipped both of them over, carefully holding JJ’s hip in one hand and head with the other and JJ crashed into the mattress with a gasp. Elle’s thigh fell between hers, making contact with JJ’s sensitive core. 

The brunette kissed her deeply, pushing their bodies together and moving her hips, allowing her thigh to grind against JJ.

The friction sent JJ’s mind buzzing, as she was desperate for more contact. 

“What do you say Jennifer,” Elle whispered in her ear, “Can I take these off of you?”

JJ nodded desperately, as the sound of Elle’s breath right into her ear sent tingles down her spine. 

Elle kissed along JJ’s neck, placing a trail of open-mouth kisses down her chest and stomach, before coming to rest between JJ’s legs. 

JJ felt herself tensing up, nervous about what she knew would come next. 

As if sensing JJ’s hesitation, Elle placed her hand on JJ’s stomach, looking in her eyes with a look that said: relax.

JJ acquiesced, forcing her muscles to relax. Elle wrapped her arms around and under JJ’s legs, spreading them apart and holding them lightly. She then pressed her face into JJ’s left thigh, kissing it in a way that was incredibly arousing. 

JJ gasped, jerking her leg away at the ticklish sensation, only to be held in place by Elle’s calm arm around her thigh. Elle kissed up JJ’s thigh, sucking onto her pale flesh hard enough to leave marks. 

JJ felt herself clenching, as the combinations of sensations and the visual of Elle between her legs was almost too much. She gasped and panted, breathing heavy as all of her nerves were on fire. 

The blonde gripped the sheets, on the verge of begging Elle to just fuck her already , but she couldn’t, she didn’t want that. All of this, all that was leading up to it, was on the cusp of sending her over the edge and she hadn’t even been touched where she needed to yet. 

Elle hovered over JJ’s black panties, her breath coming in pants as she looked up at JJ, her brown eyes almost black in the dim light. Her hot breath made JJ strain forward, but Elle’s hands held her hips flat to the bed. 

“Pl– please,” JJ whimpered. 

At her word, Elle tugged on JJ’s panties, allowing the blonde to lift her hips up as Elle tugged them down and off. 

Now, there was nothing between Elle and JJ. 

The distance was soon closed and Elle greeted her with a long swipe up the centre, then a swirl over JJ’s clit. She almost yelled at the contact, as JJ’s head spun at the sensation of Elle’s mouth on her. 

“You’re so wet for me,” Elle cooed. JJ nodded desperate for her to stop talking and start eating her out. 

And Elle did. And she did it well. 

Elle’s tongue danced across JJ, masterfully seeking out the places that made JJ gasp and moan. She was responsive to each noise that JJ made, and showed her clean talent at bringing another woman pleasure. JJ let go, focusing only on the feelings that Elle was evoking and the way she looked up at her as if checking in. 

After a moment, JJ reached down. She entwined her one hand in Elle’s hair, guiding her up to her clit, desperate for more contact. 

Before this, JJ always thought of oral as a step that she had to get through. It was always sloppy, unsatisfying, nowhere near the feelings she could get with her own hands or with a vibrator. 

But now, as Elle sucked on her clit and moved her tongue across her, JJ didn’t want it to end. Unlike with herself, each moment was unexpected yet still welcome, as Elle moved around, constantly finding new ways to make JJ writhe on the bed. 

Then, when JJ thought she wouldn’t ever feel better than she had, Elle’s right hand moved, and her fingers teased at JJ’s entrance. Elle looked up, checking that it was alright, JJ nodded desperately in response. 

Elle entered her easily with two fingers. They glided into her with no resistance and JJ thought she might come just at the feeling of fullness in combination with Elle’s tongue flicking at her. 

Starting a steady motion that complemented her tongue moving up and down, Elle’s fingers moved in and out of JJ, slowly, almost too slowly. 

As JJ’s breath came heavier, Elle picked up speed, sucking at JJ’s clit and thrusting at an impressive speed. JJ’s hand held onto Elle’s hair for dear life. 

As JJ babbled incoherently, begging Elle to keep going, keep going, keep going, suddenly she could picture Emily on top of her, Emily between her legs and Emily making her see stars. 

JJ came saying Emily’s name. The sensation rolled through her, making her toes curl as she shut her eyes against the feeling. JJ’s lips parted and her body shivered as the orgasm took her. 

She could hear Elle chuckle, but the noise was not enough to break the waves of pleasure that wracked through her body. The brunette didn’t stop her movements, rubbing her fingers down inside JJ as she rode out her orgasm. Nor did she stop sucking on JJ’s clit, as she had her lips wrapped around it, with her tongue rubbing against the centre. 

Without a moment to breathe, JJ suddenly felt a second orgasm coming, building up in her gut and coming as a second wave that washed over her before she even knew it. 

It hit her with less force than the first, but still powerful enough to send her twitching and shuddering. Elle pulled back, allowing JJ to ride her fingers at her own pace.

After a few moments of gasping and panting, JJ opened her eyes to find Elle wiping her hand on a towel and grinning down at her. 

“Wow,” JJ managed, dazed at the feeling of elation that made her skin buzz. 

Elle flopped beside her, reaching over JJ’s prone form towards a plastic reusable water bottle. She unscrewed the cap before offering some to JJ. She took it eagerly, spent and dehydrated from all of the beer. 

“Good?” Elle asked, taking the water then having a sip for herself. 

JJ nodded dumbly, feeling doubly out of it from the alcohol and the sex. 

Elle placed the bottle back down on the desk, then laid down on the bed, facing JJ.

“Who’s Emily?” she asked, way more casually than the question should entail. 

JJ’s face lit up in an even deeper blush than she was already sporting, mortified at the question and the memory of her calling out another girl's name while she was in bed with Elle. 

“You don’t have to tell me,” Elle said, “But I don’t do cheating, if that’s what this is.”

“We’re not-” JJ said, stuttering. We’re not what? We’re not anything, yet, she thought. I broke it off before we could be anything. “I’m single, don’t worry.”

“Is she someone you want?” Elle asked. 

JJ nodded, unsure of where this line of questioning would lead. 

“Well, you have a lot to learn then,” Elle mused, “if you’re going to ever please this girl.”

JJ stared at her. 

“From where I’m sitting,” Elle said, “you’ve gone home with some girl—me—to forget about this Emily girl, am I right?”

JJ nodded. 

“But this is also your first time with a girl. So I’m sensing there’s some sort of combination of a will-they-won't-they situation and a sexuality crisis at play. Hence you have something to learn from me.”

“That’s not-”

“Yes it is,” Elle interrupted. “I don’t mind, don’t worry. I’ll show you some of the tricks up my sleeve and this Emily girl will have me to thank.”

JJ stuttered at Elle’s bold words, but didn’t have a single coherent thought to counter the brunette’s argument. She did want Emily. That was all she thought about. It was all so complicated, but here, with Elle, it was so simple. There were no feelings, no friendships, no bridges to burn, just sex. 

“So, are you ready to learn?” Elle said, a daring look in her eye as her finger trailed along JJ’s stomach. 

JJ nodded. 

“Come on then.”

She obeyed, climbing onto Elle and kissing her deeply before moving lower, her hand creeping down to graze the brunette’s thigh. 

“Don’t worry,” Elle said, “I’ll guide you through it.”

——— 

JJ woke up that morning to a splitting headache and a stomach that gave her the feeling that her bed was a ship lost at sea, tilting under the force of the ocean, making her nothing but seasick. But, she wasn’t in a boat, she was in a bed, and she was not in her own.

She squinted against the daylight, cracking open her eyes and blinking hard. She rubbed the sleep out of her eyes, holding her head steady as the headache throbbed and left her disoriented. 

The large bay window was not hers, and the sleeping girl next to her was unfamiliar. But, the first thought in JJ’s mind was not either of these facts, it was the question of where the bathroom was, because she was about to yak. 

JJ tried to stand, but the room was spinning so she braced herself with the desk that was right next to the bed, and she stumbled across the room, into the hall, where she saw the bathroom. 

Not bothering to close the door behind her, JJ knelt and puked into the toilet. Some of the drinks from the night before came up, the bile feeling like fire in her throat and mouth. She heaved into the toilet, her eyes stinging with tears as she was forced to reckon with the sheer amount of alcohol that she had consumed at the party. 

When her stomach had finally settled, JJ curled up on the floor, as the tears spilled down her cheeks. 

She could barely remember the majority of the night before, but from what she could remember, it didn’t paint her in a very good light.

She had fucked someone else, and whoever this girl was, JJ could remember snippets of the evening and knew she had royally messed up. 

Elle stood in the doorway with a glass of water, knocking lightly on the doorframe to announce her presence. JJ blinked up at her, mortified by her current predicament. 

“Don’t tell me I got you pregnant,” Elle quipped, squatting and holding out the glass to JJ, who laughed half-heartedly and took it. JJ was relieved that at least she remembered the brunette’s name, that was a good sign.

Sipping the water, she swished it around in her mouth before spitting it out in the toilet. She then took another sip, swallowing it and relishing the cool feeling in her throat, mentally begging her body not to throw it up. 

“You ok?” Elle asked, standing up. 

JJ shrugged. 

“Probably should have said no to that last beer,” JJ said hoarsely. “I should go.”

JJ stood, her legs feeling shaky and the world still feeling like it was spinning slightly. She was still mostly naked, only wearing her underwear and an unfamiliar t-shirt, which was presumably Elle’s. 

Bright red blotches were visible above the fabric, gracing her collarbones and the right side of her neck with an array of hickies. JJ gasped and prodded at them, shocked at the angry red that was bright against her pale skin. 

Her hair was a mess; the once-perfect blonde waves were mussed and tangled. There were large bags under her eyes and a wild look in her eyes. 

The realization of what she had done sent another urgent feeling of nausea through her. She hurriedly rejected Elle’s offers of coffee, or breakfast, and raced out of her apartment building. 

 ———

After a chilly walk through the student village, under the bright grey November light, JJ stumbled back to residence. She was wearing only the outfit she had worn out which didn’t do much against the cool fall breeze than it had last night with the warm buzz of alcohol in her system. 

JJ stared at the ground her entire walk home, mortified with her leather jacket, high heeled boots, and low cut shirt. She was clearly on a walk of shame that Sunday morning. 

Her outfit also did absolutely nothing to hide the bright red marks that crept up her neck. She had been too drunk to think about the consequences of letting Elle suck on her skin, and now had to face the consequences. 

You’re ok, she said to herself. All you have to do is make it to your room. You have some concealer there, and turtlenecks. If you make it there you’re safe, no one will know.

She hurried up the stairs, unlocking the door to the second floor and speeding down the hall. She thanked god that her hair was long enough, so when she passed some people in the hall, she just lowered her head and looked away, hoping that no one looked at her too closely. 

JJ was lucky that even though she had made a lot of mistakes that night, she still had her keys and her phone. She had her lanyard around her neck, ready to unlock her door, and there she would be home free. 

Just as she reached her room, having to stop herself from sprinting down the hall, the door across the hall opened. JJ tensed up, key still in the lock, knowing exactly who was there.

She turned, forgetting about the marks on her neck, and looked at a steel-faced Emily Prentiss, looking at her with a blank expression in her eyes.

She was dressed for the day, wearing dark jeans, a baggy hoodie, and cordless headphones in her ears. 

“Hello,” she said cooly, the simple word sending hurt into JJ’s gut. 

“Hey,” JJ said, it sounded more like a croak than a word. 

Emily’s eyes flicked down to her neck, widening at the sight. JJ gulped, realizing that Emily knew exactly what JJ had done the night before, the evidence clear all over her. 

“I gotta go,” Emily said tersely, “I’m going to be late.”

And with that, Emily marched down the hall, without another word to JJ. 

JJ unlocked her door, pushed it open, then her legs gave way and she fell in a puddle of her own tears, sobs wracking her whole body. 

“JJ, what’s wrong?!” Penelope gasped, leaping up from her office chair and kneeling down in front of JJ. 

She couldn’t make a sound, her embarrassment and anger at herself manifesting in angry sobs. Penelope wrapped her arms around JJ and allowed her to cry, patting her hair and holding her close.

“I’m so sorry,” JJ managed, knowing the person she was really apologizing to couldn’t hear her.

[ssa-lesbian]

triple threat girlfriends!

anyways @ellegreenawy and i decided the ship name is jemelle. welcome aboard, we hope you have a nice stay 💕

[milfsincrime]

emily: you know, it’s really muggy out today

elle, barely stifling a smirk: yeah jayje..

jj: if i go outside and all of our mugs are on the front lawn, i’m going to kill you both

elle: *sips coffee from the kitchenaid bowl*

[dimitrescus-bitch]

Hey, so like, if anybody is interested, I just started this little Criminal Minds AU. Here is a little link if anybody wants to give it a read. I can honestly say it isn’t the absolute fucking worst thing I’ve written and I promise it will get better and more interesting as it goes on.

Rip off the Wings of a Butterfly

[morgana-pendragon]

Wait what are your favorite cm ships

jemily! jelle! moreid! morcia! (in a cracky way) hotch x rossi! alex blake x calling me a good girl!

[ry-kills-jemily]

Criminal Minds Masterlist

General:

I've Got You - Jemily (Jennifer Jareau x Emily Prentiss).

A Little Help - Jemily (Jennifer Jareau x Emily Prentiss).

Worlds Apart - Prosley (Emily Prentiss x Tsia Mosley).

Coffee is Not Water - Jemily (Jennifer Jareau x Emily Prentiss).

You're Not Alone - Jemily (Jennifer Jareau x Emily Prentiss).

I'm Alive - Emily Prentiss.

No More Running - Emily Prentiss & Penelope Garcia.

Tumblr Drabbles.

Teen and Up:

A Bad Day - Jemily (Jennifer Jareau x Emily Prentiss).

A Little Broken - Jelle (Jennifer Jareau x Elle Greenaway) to Jemily (Jennifer Jareau x Emily Prentiss).

Safe Together - Tara Lewis x Reader.

Proud - Jemily (Jennifer Jareau x Emily Prentiss).

Placebo Effect - Jemily (Jennifer Jareau x Emily Prentiss).

Women - Jemily (Jennifer Jareau x Emily Prentiss).

Missing Her - Jemily (Jennifer Jareau x Emily Prentiss).

Stay, For me? - Jemily (Jennifer Jareau x Emily Prentiss).

Endings and Beginnings - Jemily (Jennifer Jareau x Emily Prentiss).

a reason to say "I love you" - Jemily (Jennifer Jareau x Emily Prentiss).

False Pretences - Jemily (Jennifer Jareau x Emily Prentiss).

Love's Not Easy - Emily Prentiss.

Meant To Be - Jemily (Jennifer Jareau x Emily Prentiss).

Prompt-ober 2021 - Jemily (Jennifer Jareau x Emily Prentiss).

Wake Me Up (When They Build That Time Machine) - Jemily (Jennifer Jareau x Emily Prentiss).

Mature:

Barely Living - Jemily (Jennifer Jareau x Emily Prentiss).

Til Death Do Us Part - Jemily (Jennifer Jareau x Emily Prentiss).

A Grieving Love - Jemily (Jennifer Jareau x Emily Prentiss).

Explicit:

Take It - Elle Greenaway x Reader.

Be My Valentine - Jemily (Jennifer Jareau x Emily Prentiss).

A Fire in Me - Jemily (Jennifer Jareau x Emily Prentiss).

Excuse Me?! - Elle Greenaway x Reader.

Can I? - Jelle (Jennifer Jareau x Elle Greenaway).

Expect the Unexpected - Jemily (Jennifer Jareau x Emily Prentiss).

Be a Good Girl - Emily x Reader.

Losing Control - Jemily (Jennifer Jareau x Emily Prentiss).

A Fresh Start - Emily Prentiss x Reader.

My Boy - Spencer Reid x Reader.

My Angel - Emily Prentiss x Reader.

So Fucking Yours - Jemily (Jennifer Jareau x Emily Prentiss).

Christmas Came Early - Jemily (Jennifer Jareau x Emily Prentiss).

[sinfulspencer]

Home (part II of “Addicted to a losing game”).

Read “Addicted to a losing game” (part I). This is my Masterlist and read the notes at the end of this.

JOIN MY TAGLIST!

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Prompt: Y/N comes home from her journey.

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So many nights I thought it over Told myself I kind of liked her But there was something missing in her eyes

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My dear Green Jell-O obsessed Spencie, Last night I spent the whole night tossing and turning in my bed because someone was having too much fun in the bedroom down the hallway of my Hotel. I'm happy for them because they are very attracted to each other, but come on! They were not the only one on the floor, so why couldn't they keep it down? Just a little? So, I slept through the whole morning instead of walking around the city, snapping pictures, buying souvenirs for you and Garcia, enjoying a good cornetto with Nutella and admiring italian hotties all around me. I'm not complaining, though: I'm feeling energetic, I'm excited for this new day and I'm already planning everything I'm going to do tonight. I bought a ticket for Romeo&Juliet a couple of days ago and tonight is going to be THE night: I'm going to wear a long dress, high heels and I'm going to do my make up as if I'm going to walk down a runway with Barbara Palvin. You should be here, we'd have so much fun and I'd be able to pretend to be a guide, show you every little detail about my hometown. You probably know more stuff about this city than me, but you'd be a good friend and you'd listen to me rant about everything because you love me. Right? I miss you so much, Spencer.

I know you'd rather see me and hear my voice, but I feel like this is helping me more than actually calling you and seeing you, face to face even through a phone. And just so you know, I miss your voice and your little face; I really do, I can't wait to be back to work with you, with Emily, with David, with everyone. Writing down what I'm thinking and how I'm feeling is definitely easier – and funnier, to be honest – than actually saying it out loud. It makes everything feel more real, more true, and it also made me realize that even though my feelings are slowly vanishing, the love and the affection I feel for you won't fade. You are still the most important person in my life, you are still my best friend and you are still my soulmate. What we had, what we have and what we will have in the future, will always have a special part in my heart because you were the first person that has made me feel loved – even if not in a romantic way. You, my friend, have shown me that I deserve kindness, happiness, love. And I know I'm difficult to deal with, I'm intense and sometimes too much to handle, but you've never ever left me alone. I did it with you and I still feel horrible for doing it, for leaving without allowing you to say anything but I appreciate the fact that you let me go. I know you were mad – and probably you still are right now – but I'll make it up to you, like I always have. I will bring you italian cookies, italian books, italian flowers, italian pasta (and I will cook you an original carbonara, not like Rossi's!). And most importantly, I will bring you myself back. I love you so much, don't ever forget that. Y/N x PS: if you are crying right now, don't feel bad 'cause I'm bawling my eyes out too

   Spencer shakes his head at the last sentence, brushing the back of his hand against his wet cheek. This is the typical reaction he has to every single one of Y/N's letters. He has never thought he'd miss her this much, after all she's just a friend to him and she has been gone for a little less than a year, but there is something in her letters that is now making Spencer change his mind about his love for her, his affection, the way he has always seen her as nothing more than a friend. Spencer knows that it is weird, that maybe love has nothing to do with the way he's changing perspective over her, but still. There is something. “Hey Reid! What are you reading?” Spencer quickly folds the envelope, putting it in the drawer of his desk. “Y/N wrote to me again.” JJ closes her jacket, placing her bag over her chair. “How is she? Is she okay?” “She's in Verona right now, I think. She wrote this letter a week ago but I think she's still there. - says the young doctor, sniffling again – Are you going home for lunch?” His colleague nods, pointing to Emily's office. “Yes, Emily can't come to lunch with me so I'll go home. Do you want to join me? Or are you already busy?” Spencer shakes his head, leaning against his chair. “I'm fine, I'm not really hungry. I need to finish my paperwork for Emily's report and my notes for next week's seminar, anyway.” “So you're going to stay here all alone? - asks JJ, crossing her arms to her chest – Come on, Spence.” He looks up at her, ticking his finger against the cold surface of his desk. “I can concentrate and work better when I'm alone.”

She lets out a huge sigh, tilting her head. “Alright, suit yourself. Do you want me to bring you something to eat, at least? You can't work with an empty stomach.” The young doctor shakes his head again, smiling softly. “No, thank you. I'll get a coffee and some crackers down at the machine, don't worry. Tell Henry I said hi, okay? It's almost Halloween.” JJ giggles, grabbing her purse. “Oh yeah, he knows. He's excited for his new costume.” When Spencer is finally alone at the building, he checks behind him to see if someone is still lurking somewhere and then he pulls out a new piece of paper. He wants to write Y/N back, he has to say something to her about how he's feeling for the past few weeks. And he has to tell her that Maxine is not in his life anymore, hoping that this wouldn't ruin Y/N's emotional journey. Even though Spencer is slowly changing his mind about his best friend, he doesn't want to ruin everything between them; not when Y/N had to leave in order to pull herself back together, to feel better because of her growing feelings for him. The first day he spent without her at the building, Spencer was lost.

He couldn't focus on his papers, he couldn't focus on the case and he got yelled at, for the first time, by pretty much everyone on the team – beside JJ, because she knew he was going through a rough patch. He didn't think Y/N's absence would mess him up that bad, but it did; Maxine has always been nothing but supportive of him, comforting him when he needed a sweet word whispered to his ear, doing all of those things Y/N used to do for him when he was not having it. Spencer didn't think Maxine would understand his relationship with Y/N but she did, which helped him a lot when he was having one of those bad days.

Y/N was supposed to be there with him, cuddling him on the couch and reading him some poems in italian to calm him down, but she was on the other side of the world, trying to get herself back. And Spencer got really mad at her, like furious. He didn't even want to write back at her at first because he couldn't stop being angry and allowing his anger to take control; she left him, she left him all alone without allowing him to say anything to her. What she did, wasn't right. But then Spencer realized that she had to do this, she had to leave so she could come back later, feeling better, feeling like herself again. She had to put herself first, and eventually he understood that it was a good thing. But he couldn't stop missing her, crying softly at night while reading all of her letters. At the bottom of each paper was her signature with a little heart in black ink. Spencer imagined her, smiling softly with the pen between her fingers, drawing the heart and thinking of him, like he did when he was signing his letters with a star.

Those were their symbols: Y/N a heart, because she's italian and “us italians are passionate, love drives us” and Spencer a star, because “you, boy genius, are my star”. They have never had the chance to write each other a letter when she was in Quantico, working with him; they've never been apart from each other for more than a whole week, but now, with Y/N staying in Italy and Spencer in Virginia, they found a way to connect with each other without their phones. Spencer actually loved Y/N's idea. It might be too romantic but he loved it anyway. Maybe he loved it because it was and is romantic. Y/N has always told him that she's not romantic at all, but in reality, she is. He lifts the paper up to his chest, hugging it as he imagines hugging Y/N. He misses her so much, he wonders if she misses his hugs the way he misses hers. Because he does, terribly. Y/N has spent her birthday without him for the first time in years, but she managed to send him a letter a couple of days later. She told him she went to Florence for the occasion and she had the chance to visit the Uffizi Gallery – she even printed a picture of herself next to the David. Spencer framed the photograph and kept it on his nightstand, hiding it when Maxine spent the night at his place.

He wasn't sure his ex girlfriend would've wanted to wake up and see Y/N's face staring at her – mostly because Maxine didn't like Y/N very much, especially after what happened at Rossi's wedding. Spencer didn't have to tell Maxine the truth about Y/N because she figured it out on her own; she wasn't pissed because Spencer didn't do anything to lead Y/N on that day, but she was pissed because, well, Y/N was everywhere in his apartment. Spencer has pictures of them together all over his walls, inside of his books; he has her notes that she used to sneak to him during a case, just to tease him a little. He has all of the books she has bought him on a particular side of his bookshelf; he has her drawings – really horrible drawings that she gave him because they had a “Spencer vibes” to them. He kept everything and he didn't hide anything because they are part of him, just like Y/N is part of him. And his heart. So when he says her absence left a hole in his heart - “a part of me has left” - he actually means it. It's crazy, he knows that, but he doesn't care. It's the truth. Y/N was, is and will always be a part of his heart; she has played a major part in his life and he's not ashamed of that. Spencer folds the letter again and hides it in the drawer, sighing loudly. He leans back against the chair and crosses his arms to his chest, tapping his foot on the floor as he glances at the clock. It's already two in the afternoon and he hasn't done anything else but read the letter he received that morning. He picked it up before going to work and he hasn't stopped thinking about it ever since, just like he does every single time he grabs a letter and opens it. It's like his brain stops working when Y/N does something. Well. He's a genius, his brain is always working but it's less efficient when Y/N is around. It's like all of his attentions is on her, her thoughts, her writing, her little heart at the end of the page, her weird nicknames always different from each letter. She called him “doctor rolled-up sleeves”, “messy hair king Reid”, “one of the seven wonders of the world”, “cookie obsessed Spencer”, “ladybug Spencie”, “prince of books”, “boy Venus” and many other nicknames. He loved them even though they didn't make any sense.

Spencer doesn't have a nickname for her, it's either “darling” or “Y/N” or her full name. She liked the first word better, though, and had always asked Spencer to use it instead of her name. When Y/N told him the truth about her feelings at the wedding, he understood why she liked to be called “darling” by him. Because it felt good, she felt appreciated and she felt, for a split second, loved by him. It's crazy, isn't it? Everything can change in the blink of an eye. If he didn't share her feelings at first, he does now. And he realized it when he lost – lost is not the right word, though – her. He realized how much she meant to him when she had to find herself on the other side of the world, away from him, his words, his face, his eyes, his voice, his hugs, his rants about science and technology or books. Spencer stands up from his chair and walks towards the vending machine at the end of the hallway, running his fingers through his hair as he glances at the clock again. He is so tired, he wants to go home and spend the rest of the day napping on the couch, trying to keep his mind from thinking about Y/N and how to answer her letter. Just like last time, he wants to tell her the truth, that he's reconsidering their friendship and that he's starting to see her as something more than a best friend. But what would she think about him if he does through a letter? It might be romantic, it might be extremely cheesy but she'd get mad. Oh, she'd hate him if he tells her the truth. She quit her job and left America to stop her feelings for him from growing. And what does he do? He falls in love with her – one of the reasons why he broke up with Maxine. As much as that woman was amazing and did everything she could to keep Spencer beside her, he didn't think they were meant to be together. But he thinks that about himself and Y/N. They are friends, they are best friends, they are colleagues and they know everything about each other. They know how they think, they know what to buy the other for Christmas, they know when it's time to meet up for a coffee after work or going out for dinner together when the other needs to rant about something. They know each other like the back of their hands. With Maxine, everything was different. Sure, Spencer liked her a lot. He thought he was in love with her, but there was something missing in Maxine that Y/N had. Maybe it was a light in her eyes, maybe it was a word that Maxine didn't say, maybe it was just the fact that the bond between Y/N and Spencer was and still is so strong that it will never break. Not even if one of them does something so horrible and so atrocious to do the other or in general. Liking and loving someone are two different things. They may seem the same but they're not. Liking someone is a milder feeling; love, however, is a deeper emotion, all about acceptance, passion, interest, the exact bond that connects Spencer and Y/N. He liked Maxine, but he didn't love her. Liking someone can be instant attraction like a crush. Love is deeper, more meaningful and long-lasting; love might be a friendship, just like what Spencer has with Y/N. If he thinks about a life without Maxine, his heart doesn't skip a beat; he knows he can go on without her, but he cannot live without Y/N. He thinks about her daily, he reads her letters every single morning before going to work and sometimes he brings those letters with him during a case so, if everything gets too overwhelming, he can read those words and calm down at the thought of her, of Y/N being happy and finally calm. The idea of Y/N smiling, drinking a coffee right in front of the Coliseum, walking in a field of sunflowers with a light blue dress on, dancing with him, makes him happy. His heart skips a beat just at the thought. Now he knows. The time came quickly and Spencer realized that he's not in love with Maxine, no. He loves Y/N. He liked Maxine because she's a “normal person”. She has a cool sense of humor and a nice face, but Y/N is on a whole different level. He loves how indecisive she is, he loves how cold and distant she gets when a case hits too close to home, he loves how she laughs when Spencer tells a joke and nobody gets it just to make him happy, he loves when she trips down the stairs and comes back up with her cheeks red as a tomato, he loves when she asks him to go shopping and complains about him not caring about the top she choose to buy or a dress she wants to wear for one of the team's night out. He liked Maxine because he was excited to hang out with her. He loves Y/N because the idea of being with her makes him smile; and when they actually hung out, he smiled the whole time. But what made Spencer realize that his feelings were not light, was the fact that he didn't fall in love with Y/N in the blink of an eye. It happened slowly, when he understood that he didn't simply admire Y/N for being the strong woman that she is; no, he loved her flaws, he loved her anger, he loved her calm, he loved the fact that cases with teen moms being kidnapped or hurt always bring tears in her eyes, he loved that Y/N wasn't afraid of showing her emotions to the others, he loved that sometimes she'd be too harsh on Garcia and, after realizing that, she would cry and bring her coffee for a whole week. He loves the fact that she has flaws and she's able to say she's sorry. He loves her as an individual, a person with her faults and her emotions and her love and her optimism. When Spencer broke up with Maxine, he expected to be hurt or upset. But after a few days, everything turned normal; his attraction for her faded, his interest faded. Sure, they're still friends and he likes hanging out with her, but it's nothing compared to what he feels for Y/N. Even though she's on the other side of the world, he misses her like crazy and he thinks about her all the time; he yearns for her. “Absence makes the heart fonder.”

Y/N broke his heart when she left but he learned to forgive her because she did it to feel better, to forget her feelings for him – which is now something he doesn't want to happen, and hope it didn't happen, as egotistical as it sounds. He felt like a thousand needles pricked his heart when she didn't show up for work, even though he wasn't surprised. It still hurt like Hell. Spencer talked to his therapist about everything that has happened in the past few months with Y/N and Maxine, trying to sort out his feelings for each one of those women. And she told him: “Look deep inside your heart. There's nothing wrong with liking someone and not loving them. But loving someone will leave you breathless; the person you long and live for leaves you breathless at the thought of them. After all, love is the most powerful feeling in the world, soon followed by pain.” So yes, Spencer is totally in love with Y/N. Love is where Spencer stopped seeing Y/N as a separate entity but her as a part of himself; and when he started to see her like this, he realized that he had never meant to hurt her. Because hurting her, meant hurting himself – and even though he hurt her by finding himself a girlfriend, he didn't do it on purpose. He would never hurt Y/N, how can he do that? Love is where there is trust between the two parts, there are no secrets. That's why Y/N came clean to him, even in the middle of a wedding, just to feel better and allow him to understand her actions. Spencer is not with Y/N right now, but he feels her close as ever because he's connected to her. She knows she's in his heart, and he knows that he's in there too; she has a part of him, just like he owns a part of her. The love he's feeling for Y/N is not temporary and he knows it, he's sure of it. It's permanent because she will always be a part of his heart. Not everyone is lucky enough to find true love or the love of their lives, but he did and he feels extremely lucky, the luckiest person on the Planet. But what if she doesn't feel the same anymore? No. If Y/N is in love with him, her feelings haven't vanished; there's no way love can disappear in such a short amount of time. Her feelings are probably just hidden in her heart, just like his were hidden in the back of his brain for his own sake. What if he realized he was in love with her before? They could've been happy for all this time, they could even be married right now – but discussions over love, over feelings are a learning experience. They are all helping him knowing what he deserves in love, in relationships and friendships. And now Spencer knows the person he wants; she has a name and it's Y/N. Spencer takes a sip of his coffee, the warmth of the liquid sliding down his throat. He lets out a soft sigh and walks back to his desk, his eyes low on the floor as she plays with the edge of his cup and taps his fingers on his cup, biting his bottom lip. He doesn't want to think about Y/N any longer because he has a report to write down, but he can't. And he's not going to be able to focus on it any longer, because all he cares about now is the woman, probably enjoying a pizza for lunch, in Italy. Spencer lets out a sigh, playing with the edge of his cup, and drinks the last drop of his coffee. Y/N went away to stop being in love with him. And what does he do? He falls in love with her! Isn't it so fucking ironic? What if she comes back with no feelings for him whatsoever and maybe with a boyfriend? He's going to feel so patheticly dumb. No surprise there, though. She has felt this way for three weeks when he found himself a girlfriend, so he shouldn't really complain. But no, Y/N would've told him if she had met someone. Spencer throws his empty coffee cup in the bin underneath his desk, opening the drawer to pull out her letter once again. And reads it all over again, biting his bottom lip as she uses those sweet little words that make his heart swell in his chest, beat a little too fast. “You are still my soulmate”. Spencer remembers when she said those words to him for the first time. She was so embarrassed because they came out at random, while he was reading her a poem in italian – just to show off his pronunciation even though it wasn't that good – and she just said that. He remembers Spencer stopped his reading, looked at her and widened his eyes because he wasn't expecting anything to leave her mouth. He didn't mind, he was actually amused by that hidden revelation. Y/N corrected herself: “You're my literature soulmate, not an actual soulmate. We're not together, we're friends but you're my literature soulmate. Like Oscar Wilde and Alfred Douglas, even though they were a very toxic couple and Alfred only used Oscar to be famous. But still. You know.” After Y/N finished her rant about how embarrassed she was and how those words came out wrong, Spencer said it back: “I agree, we're literature soulmates”. They kept calling each other that, he even has her saved like this in his contacts on his phone. Whenever Y/N calls him, “soulmate” appears on his phone – even though he changed it when he was with Maxine. But now the nickname is back. And it's not going anywhere. The sound of heels clicking on the floor capture Spencer's attention so he lifts his head. But when he does, his heart stops and his mouth falls open. “Oh, is it hot in here or is it just because I'm seeing my star wearing glasses?” He must be dreaming. He's having  hallucinations right now because it's not possible this is happening. This is not real, this is completely utterly crazy because how in the world is it possible?

Spencer stands up from his spinning chair, taking off his glasses. JJ is standing right there with another woman by her side. A woman he knows really well, a woman who has been by his side for a very long time and that is now owning his heart. A woman that has just come home. “Hey, are you ignoring me?” He opens his mouth, not really knowing what to say or what to do. This feels like a lucid dream, an hallucination, something that is not real because it doesn't feel real at all. But then reality hits because she's in front of him, her eyes are fixed on his face, her little smile is creeping up on her lips and she is just so fucking beautiful. She has always been beautiful, but right now she's even more. “Y/N.”

She opens her arms, giggling softly. “That's my name, I see you still remember it.” And before she can say something else, Spencer leaves his glasses on his desk and runs to her. “When I'm back, will you run to me?” “Of course I will.” And he kept his promise, running towards the beautiful woman that is grinning and opening her arms back to him, waiting for him to catch her. He lifts her up as he pulls her into such a tight hug that leaves both of them breathless, allowing himself to smell her scent, enjoying the warmth of her body and the delicate fingers caressing the back of his neck. How in the world did he not expect her to be back so soon? “You came back.” Y/N doesn't pull away, her head laying on his chest. “Of course I did. I made you a promise, didn't I?” Spencer holds her still, a hand over her back and the other behind her head. “JJ, you didn't go home to have lunch with your kids, did you?” JJ shakes her head, a smile appearing on her lips. “No, I didn't. I went to pick up this pretty woman right here so she could surprise all of us, but... you're the only one here. I thought Matthew, Gracia and Luke were going to be back before me.” Y/N doesn't move from where she is, brushing the tip of her nose against Spencer's neck, and closes her eyes to actually feel the moment. She wants to listen to what JJ is saying but all she cares about right now is being with Spencer, having his arms tightly wrapped around her body again. She has missed this more than she could explain it, she has missed being in his arms and feeling his body pressed on hers. She has missed him, she has missed Spencer more than anyone. And coming back, hugging him, feels like two pieces of puzzle finding their way to each other. It's cheesy but it's the reality of things. “Y/N, you can let him go now.” JJ whispers Y/N pulls away for a second, then she shakes her head and hugs him again. “No, I don't want to do that. You can leave if you want, though. I'm planning on hugging him for a long time.” JJ giggles, shaking her head as she starts to walk away. Spencer is not complaining, he has missed Y/N as much as he did, and leans her head on top of hers. He gives her a kiss on her forehead and closes his eyes, slowly rocking back and forth. This feels like a dream. Y/N is back in Quantico and she's right there in front of him, between his arms. She's not in Italy, she's not writing a letter and she's not in one of the pictures she sent him; no, she's right there and he's hugging her because she came back home. She came back to him, just like she promised. He hasn't lost her, she's still there. And she hasn't changed, she's still the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. She's back. She's back for him and she's not leaving again. “Did you start working out, Spencie?” asks Y/N Spencer raises an eyebrow, interrupting the hug. “Me? Uh, a little bit. Why?” “It's hot, you look wonderful. - says the young woman, winking at him – So, are you going to let me stay at your place for a few days? My house is a mess and I don't want to spend a whole week cleaning and organizing stuff.”

He quickly nods, his hand sliding down to grab hers. “Yes, of course. But only if you cook the amazing carbonara you've had in Rome for dinner. I'm in the mood for some italian food.” Y/N giggles, her fingers intertwining with his. “Hm, I think we have a deal.”

 Spencer closes the door behind his back with a loud thud, smiling softly when Y/N puts her bags on the couch and stretches her arms. She's wearing his FBI sweater with “REID” printed in white in the background, and she looks so pretty and cozy and comfortable; as if that sweater was meant to be on her shoulders, hugging her body. Spencer didn't think someone would still look beautiful after a 12 hour flight in the middle of the night, but she manages to look flawless and relaxed. He loves her so much, his heart could burst just at the sight of her face. And as he's thinking about her, Y/N turns around and gives him one of those breathtaking smiles that make his heart swell in his chest. There's pure love in her eyes and Spencer can't believe she's giving him all of that. “What? Why are you smiling, Spencie?” asks Y/N He shrugs, biting his bottom lip as he stops smiling. “Sorry, I'm just... very happy to see you. I received your letter today, I wanted to write you back but you surprised me and came back. Why didn't you tell me? I could've picked you up from the airport, I wouldn't have minded.” She puts both her hands on his chest, grasping his shirt. “I wanted to surprise you and I did.” The young doctor presses a kiss on her forehead. “You definitely did, so I won't complain because I got your letter, I'm going to eat some italian food tonight and I got you back. This is exactly what I've wanted.” Y/N giggles, leaning forward to kiss his cheek. “So, Reid, tell me about your life without me here. Did something exciting happen? Are you going to get married soon?” Spencer doesn't pull away from her, leading the woman towards his kitchen without leaving her side. As much as he wants to tell her about his work-out, the new book he just started reading, the music he started recently listening to, he has a very particular news to deliver and he doesn't know how she will react to it. What if she gets mad? No, she wouldn't; why would she? Isn't this what she wanted before she left? But now Y/N is back and she seemed completely different, she's less angry.

But still... Are her feelings still there? Spencer opens the fridge, allowing Y/N to grab a water bottle so she can take a sip of water, and waits for her to drink it before pulling her against his chest. Y/N doesn't move, her eyes closing when his right hand reaches her hair. “I broke up with Max three months ago.” Y/N immediately backs away, her eyes now widen open. “What? Why?” He shrugs, lowering his eyes for a moment. “It doesn't matter. We're still good friends, though; we hang out at least once a week and we're.. yeah, we're cool. There are no hard feelings between us, which is awesome.” “Oh. You don't seem phased by the break up. - she mutters, taking another sip of water – So I'm glad you're not upset or sad, I'm happy if you're happy.” Spencer looks up at her, not knowing what to say. Does he need to come clean now? Does he need to tell her the truth about their breakup and that Spencer decided to call off his and Maxine's relationship because he realized that Y/N is the person he wants by his side? Does he have to drop the bomb like this or does he need to wait a little more, allowing her to tell him if her long journey had helped her get over him? Spencer doesn't want to ruin everything. She just came back, she's right there with him and she's going to spend the whole weekend in his apartment because she doesn't want to go home yet, so he has to be careful. Y/N loves him a lot but Spencer also knows her very well, and if she gets mad, she'll make sure to give him Hell later. “I'm not upset, I'm relieved. We rushed things, she wanted to move in with me and I wasn't... I wasn't ready to take that step, you know? Not with her. - says Spencer, slowly shrugging – She's an amazing girl, I wish her all the best in life but she's not the one that I want.” Y/N doesn't say anything, she simply nods and gives him a smile. Spencer would love for her to say something else, to ask who is the person he wants right now but she doesn't, which forces him to add something to his explanation. “We're still friends, though.” Y/N looks back at him. “That's good. Did you break up with her?” No, Maxine did.

Maxine broke up with me because she couldn't stop noticing how Y/N was everywhere in Spencer's apartment and in his head. Maxine wasn't jealous, she was just confused as to why her now-ex boyfriend would keep talking about his best friend that left him to go to Italy and confessed her feelings for him at a wedding. Maxine didn't mind Spencer telling her where Y/N was, but it crossed the line when Spencer, one night while they were having sex, called with the wrong name. In that exact moment, Maxine knew she wasn't the woman in Spencer's mind. And she has never been – or maybe she was at the beginning. So, she broke up with him. It was rather quick. “I think we should break up.” said Maxine, looking Spencer in the eyes. He didn't reject the thought, he actually smiled and immediately felt like shit when Maxine started to cry right in front of him. He literally smiled because she broke up with him, because she let him go. Of course, he apologized and made sure she'd accept his apologies; he brought her flowers and showed that, even though they were not a couple anymore, they could still be friends. After all, they had a lot of fun together so why not still be friends? Maxine accepted and they remained friends, which eventually led her to ask Spencer if he felt something for Y/N. Maxine was the first – and only – person to know about Spencer's feelings. The day she asked that question, Maxine and Spencer were enjoying an ice cream at the little coffee shop not too far from her apartment. Spencer stopped eating for a few seconds and then, lowering his eyes, he muttered a simple “I think I love her”. They started talking about it, Maxine helped him realize that yes, he was indeed in love with Y/N. She didn't get mad at him, she didn't yell or scream or cause a scene in front of everybody inside the coffee shop because she was already aware of the answer Spencer would've given her.

Telling everything to Maxine felt extremely liberating, as if a weight had been lifted off his chest, but then it came back, heavier than before. Now Spencer feels like he's stuck. He has two choices: telling everything to Y/N and hoping she still has feelings for him, or telling everything to her and losing her because she stopped loving him. “No, she broke up with me. - says Spencer, biting his bottom lip – We just... Our relationship wasn't working and we didn't think we'd last so we broke up before one of us could hurt the other. It was mutual, it was quick and luckily painless.” For him. For Maxine... well, she liked Spencer a lot so it hurt a bit but she got over it quickly. “Alright, Lover Boy. Anyone has captured your interest, then?” asks Y/N Spencer blushes, lowering his eyes as he stares at their hands tied together. “Why?” She raises an eyebrow, shrugging. “I've been away for eleven months, I want to know what happened while I was in Italy. If you don't want to answer, just say that and I'll ask something else. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable.” He widens his eyes, quickly shaking his head. “You didn't! I swear, you didn't. It's complicated.” Y/N tilts her head, letting his hand go. “Oh, I love complicated things. Tell me all about it.” Spencer simply stares at her, undecided on what to do. He doesn't want to drop the bomb yet, he doesn't want to risk losing her again now that she came back but if he keeps his mouth shut, he will never know how she really feels about him. Maybe he can ask her directly about it without spilling his secret right now, maybe finding a way to let her subtly now that he's falling – well, he's already fallen hard, head over heels actually – for her ever since she left. Spencer knows it's now or never, it's the perfect moment to actually talk about her journey. “Did it help?” Y/N raises an eyebrow, taking off his sweater off her shoulders. “What?” Spencer follows her inside the living room. “Your journey. Did it help?” She opens her mouth to say something, her smile fading off her lips. “Do you want to know if I'm still in love with you?” He feels like a complete idiot right now. She's looking at him with that weird expression on her face, her lips are pursed and her arms are crossed on her chest. But she looks so fucking beautiful, like an angel sent from Heaven. How is it possible? She looks gorgeous but she's getting mad at the same time. There's supposed to be a rule that prevents Y/N from being so stunning, because it's really hurting Spencer's heart. “You can just ask it, you know. There's no need to tiptoe around it, I know you want to know how I'm feeling right now. - says Y/N, taking off her shoes – I don't want to talk about it yet, to be honest. Can we just, well, wait for a few more days?” Spencer blinks, his heart feeling less heavier than before. “Of course. Sure. I'm sorry.” Y/N gives him a little smile, tilting her head. “Come on, let's watch a movie or something. I need some cuddles, your cuddles.” He's more than happy to obey to her words, quickly taking off his sweater. He kicks his shoes off his feet, leaving them next to the couch, and he turns off the lights as Y/N settles on the couch in the middle of the living room. Her eyes notice her selfie printed on the desk beside the bookshelf but she doesn't say anything; her heart does, though. Did Spencer really print her picture? Y/N is not surprised, he must have also kept all of her letters. She knows him very well, she knows how much he cares about her. She's his best friend, after all. Spencer joins her on the couch, grabbing the blanket and using it to cover both of them. Y/N sneaks between his arms, her head pressed against his chest as he lays down on the couch. She's between his legs, a hand under her cheek and the other one on Spencer's chest; she caresses it ever so slowly, her fingers playing with the hem of the shirt as Spencer leaves a kiss on her forehead. He turns on the television, clicking on the Netflix on - “Come on! You have to get Netflix! There are so many interesting documentaries about Ted Bundy and the italian Mafia, you have to watch them with me!” - and gives Y/N the remote. He doesn't really care about whatever they're going to watch, because all it matters to him right now is that the young woman is at home, laying against him. She's so close, he can smell the soft scent of her hair and the coconut shampoo she must've used to wash it. It's her favourite, Spencer bought it for her the first year they joined the BAU. It was exactly what Y/N was hoping she'd receive from someone. She has always loved coconut scented products and Spencer decided to buy one for her. He didn't think she would keep on using it.

Now it has become his favourite smell. And his favourite shampoo, because when he was sleeping at Y/N's apartment, he would use it all the time. And then complaining because Y/N told him to not waste it. He has a lot of hair, he had to use a decent amount of shampoo for his curls. As soon as the film she chose starts, the remake of Grease called Grease 2, Y/N closes her eyes and allows herself to enjoy the warmth of his body pressing on hers. Spencer's fingers are playing with her hair, his lips are gently pressed over her forehead and his heart is beating along with hers, slowly. She doesn't even watch the film because all she cares about right now is that Spencer is right there, he allowed her to be in his apartment and they're going to spend the night together, cuddling and watching something on the TV. They need to make up for all the time they've lost while she was away and this seems like a very good start. There's one thing that bothers Y/N, though. His question. That's why she didn't answer him. Because she doesn't want to. When she left Quantico, she spent the whole flight from Quantico to Rome crying and wondering how she was going to move on all alone. She regretted her decision to leave America when she stepped down the plane, but a couple of days later she felt like she was at home – even though she was all alone and didn't call anyone to rant about it. Those eleven months in solitary from all of her friends – not from those italian hotties, though! - helped her understand that if life doesn't go your way, it's not the end of the world. She thought her feelings would go away in the blink of an eye. Not seeing and talking to Spencer was rough, it was difficult at first because she couldn't stop looking at her phone and wondering what he would do if she had called him, but then she stopped thinking about it. Y/N threw her phone in the pocket of her luggage and forgot about it, moving on with her life. Not with her heart, though. So yes, she is still in love with Spencer. Of course she is. True love doesn't die, true love doesn't disappear. True love exists, it hurts, it breaks your heart but it also makes you stronger. It helps you find yourself, especially if it's not shared by the object of your love, and that's exactly what it did to her. Y/N is in love with Spencer and she will always be in love with him. But loving him unconditionally will do for her, because one day she will find another person to spend her life with. Spencer will always be a part of her life, of her heart, but her heart will be shared with another person. So, all Y/N has done for eleven months, was hiding her feelings and enjoying life. She had breakfast in front of the Coliseum, she learned more about the Gothic architecture in Italy, she learned how to knead different kind of pasta, she managed to meet new people and have fun with them, she saw Romeo&Juliet, she got drunk with some girls she met in Riccione at a beach party, she went to Palermo and took pictures in front of the red theatre. She has done so many beautiful things that will always be inside of her heart as memories. She felt like home, but nothing feels better than being with him. Y/N opens her eyes and looks up at Spencer, noticing that he's staring at her. Probably because she kicked his right leg while shifting on the couch, so now his nose is brushing against hers and his lips are curved into a soft smile. “Sorry, I didn't mean to...” Spencer shuts her up with a kiss on the tip of her nose. “It's fine.” Y/N blushes, leaning again on his chest with her eyes on the TV screen. She doesn't care about Grease 2 but she has to pretend she does, while enjoying the tight embrace Spencer is wrapping her in. “I've missed this.”

Y/N smiles at the sound of his voice. “I've missed this, too.” Spencer slides his hand down her shoulders. “Promise me you're not going to leave me again.” She puts a hand on top of his, moving it to her mouth so she can kiss it. “I won't leave you again, I promise you that, Spencie. I swear it on my soul.” And without any other words, they keep watching the film in silence. Both of them want the same exact thing. They want the other one to stop the film playing on the TV, turn to them and kiss them to the point they consume each other's lips. But both of them are too shy, too oblivious, too scared to lose the other so they stay in silence. Spencer enjoys the sight of Y/N totally splayed on his body; Y/N enjoys the slow beating of his heart against her ear and the way his fingers are dancing over her naked shoulder. If someone could see them right now, they would call this moment “love”. It can be seen in both of their eyes, in their movements, in the way they're tightly grasping at each other. Their legs are tangled together, her head is pressed on his chest and her lips are caressing his soft skin barely covered by the shirt; his fingers are playing with her hair and his mouth is pressed on her head. There's no friendship at this moment. No, there's only love. As cheesy as it sounds, they look like a couple who just got married. They're inside a little love bubble, terrified that with a single movement they can destroy it. One of them just needs a little push over the edge to create a domino effect that reflects on both of them, pulling them finally together after all these months of silence and love letters. “You said your feelings are vanishing.” Oh. Well. She lied. Y/N bites her bottom lip, using the remote to put the movie on pause. She lifts her body up so that she can face Spencer, not moving from between his legs, and leaves the remote on the small table in front of the couch. Then, Y/N puts a hand over his chest and lets out a soft sigh. “Do you believe those words?” The silence is filling the room, a loud silence that makes her cringe. Why can't he just say something instead of thinking it? What is going to come out of his mouth? What is he thinking about her now? What if he's getting mad because she left for eleven months and came back with basically nothing changed in her? What if... “I don't want to believe those words. - says Spencer, interrupting the silence – Also, I don't think you can fall out of love with someone. You can focus on their negative traits, you can distract yourself and you can accept the emotions that come with the heartbreak but you can never fall out of love. That's it.” Y/N bites her bottom lips again, sighing softly. “You're right.” He stares at her, trying to figure out what to say. Those little words are on the tip of his tongue, ready to slip out at any second, but he doesn't want to scare her. And he doesn't want to fight with her, because it's too early. She just arrived, he doesn't need to push her away for something he realized after almost losing her. “Say it.” Y/N inhales sharply, her heart now feeling heavier. He wants her to say that she's in love with him, he wants to hear those words loud and clear while they're looking at each other. But why? Why is he so pushy? Why does he want to know the truth? Is it necessary? “I am still in love with you.” Spencer tilts his head, lowering his eyes for a moment. She's still in love with him, her journey didn't really help so why didn't she come home sooner? Maybe she was hoping more time would actually help her forget him, maybe she just wanted to be away from him for as long as she could before the nostalgia started to settle in. “I remember reading an article about love. This psychologist said:  “Love is where there is no you and me, where an us exists. Love is when I don't see you as a separate entity from me, love is when you and me are the same for me as me. Love is where my happiness and your happiness, my success and your success, my sadness and your sadness, my failure and your failure, my family and your family does not exist. Everything is ours.” Y/N's heart is beating so loud in her chest, she thinks Spencer could hear it too. What is he trying to say to her? What is he doing? Why is he saying those things? What is happening? “Love is where I want to make you better for not me, but for your own self. Love is where I focus more on giving rather than focusing more on receiving. Love is where I can be my own source of happiness. Love is where I stop seeing you as you, and start seeing you as a part of me because I can hurt you, but not me, and if I will start seeing you as a part of me, I would try to never do anything which will hurt you.” - says Spencer, his eyes focusing on hers as Y/N shifts between his legs – And I know you went away to stop feeling something for me, but that's when I realized that I felt something for you. It wasn't pity, it wasn't something that I felt because I hurt you. I realized that I am in...” She puts a hand on his mouth to prevent him from talking. “Don't you dare. Don't even think about it, Spencer Reid, or I swear to God I'll scream.” Spencer rolls his eyes, placing a kiss on the palm of her hand. He knows this is cliché, that he fell for his best friend that went away because of her feelings for him, but it happened and he can't take it back now. He can't stop his feelings, even if he wants to. “You are unbelievable. You really are! - says Y/N, shaking her head as she pulls away her hands from his face – If you say you're in love with me now, I'm going to chop off your dick.” Spencer widens his eyes, his hands immediately going on his crotch. “I won't say it.” She frowns. “You are in love with me.” He blinks, not moving his hands away. “I can't say it or you'll chop off my dick. And I need my dick, you know?” Y/N slaps him on the chest. “You can't be in love with me, Reid. You just can't. You're just saying it because you feel bad for...” But before Y/N can finish her sentence, Spencer grabs her by the face and brings his lips on hers. He has wanted to do this since she stepped inside of his apartment so now it's a good time to kiss her and shut her up, hoping she won't push him away. And she doesn't, because she has been waiting for this for so long. She has dreamed to taste his lips, she has dreamed to feel his hands on her face, his fingers brushing against her cheekbones. And now that she's able to finally kiss him, she's not going to pull away even if she's mad at him for falling in love with her after she left. This feels so weird. But in a good way, of course. Y/N should ask him why he has fallen in love with her now, why he hasn't thought about doing this sooner, but she doesn't because all that matters is that now they're together and they're finally kissing. They are kissing on the lips, and not on the cheek. This is not a friendly kiss, this is the kiss two lovers are sharing after so many weeks and months of waiting and longing. Y/N puts both her hands on his shoulders, leaning down to kiss him again. Spencer slides a hand behind her neck so she doesn't pull away and the other rests on her hip, forcing her body to stay pressed on his. And it feels so good to be like this, to have her on top of him. Eleven months without her. And now... They're back at the beginning. But this time, they are together which is exactly what she wanted. Y/N didn't think Spencer would change his mind about her. She was ready to come back here as a simple best friend, like she has always been, but now she's not a simple friend. These kinds of kisses are not friendly, they mean something more and she's ready for that. Even though she had a fling or two in Italy with some people she met there, they don't care about what she feels and wants with Spencer. It's totally different, much stronger and intense. “Wait. - Y/N whispers, interrupting the kiss but not pulling away – Now you can say it.” Spencer opens his eyes, looking up at her as his lips brush against her. “What?” She kisses him again, softly. “Say that you're in love with me. I need to hear it now.” “You won't chop off my dick, will you?” He looks so scared, as if he's actually thinking she'd be able to do something like this. “Of course not. I would never. - says Y/N, slightly giggling – It might be useful.” Spencer chuckles, his right hand sliding on her back. They haven't eeven talked about a possible relationship and yet, Y/N is already teasing him about sex. And he feels so fucking happy in this moment, because it's finally happening. “I am in love with you, Y/N.” She presses her forehead against his, closing her eyes. “Again.” He obeys, whispering those words over and over again until she's smiling and a few tears are slipping down her cheeks, wetting the hem of his shirt. Spencer is overwhelmed because not only he found out that Y/N is still in love with her, but he has also told her how he feels about her and he has kissed her. Like, what? What happened? Everything seems so rushed but they don't care. Spencer doesn't, most of all. He has been waiting for eleven months to tell her the truth, to actually be with her, and now that he's in the moment, he's enjoying it the fullest. “I'm so in love with you, Y/N. - says Spencer, lifting her chin so he can look into her eyes – I am in love with you, I love you and I want to be with you, if you want it as well.” Y/N quickly nods, grabbing both his hands so their fingers intertwine. “Of course I do.” He brushes the tip of his thumb against her cheek. “Of course you do.” She rolls her eyes, pulling away from him. “Unbelievable. If I knew that you would fall in love with me in my absence, I would've gone to Italy years ago.” Spencer laughs, covering his mouth with a hand. “Y/N! Come on, better late than never.” Y/N sits on the couch with her legs crossed, right in front of Spencer, as he sits up with his back against the pillow on the edge of the couch. The young doctor gives her a smile, his right hand immediately sliding on top of hers as Y/N tilts her head, studying his face. “This doesn't feel real. Are you sure you're not joking?” asks Y/N Spencer nods, leaning in to kiss her again but she rejects him. She covers his face with her free hand and shakes her head, rolling her eyes as she tilts her head. This really doesn't feel real, it's totally weird and Y/N is not sure if she can really trust his words. She's terrified that he said those words just to make her happy – which is really sweet, but what if he doesn't really care in that sense about her?

“Spencer...” He raises an eyebrow. “Why don't you believe me?” She shrugs, lowering her eyes. “It's not that I don't believe you, I'm just... scared that you might say these things just to not make me suffer. You know?” “I would never hurt you, Y/N. And I'm not that cruel. - says Spencer, a bit offended by her words – I can assure you, my feelings are real. I don't know how to prove it.” Y/N leans in, placing both hands on his cheeks. “I do believe you. I know you care about me, I don't doubt it. I'm just insecure, that's it. But it'll pass.” He leans in again, this time she gives in and kisses him softly. “I will do my best to help you fight these insecurities. But right now I'm hungry, so could you start cooking for me?” She widens her eyes, then she rolls them. “Wow, you really know how to ruin a romantic moment.” “It's one of my best qualities, actually.”

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“Don't kick me tonight.” Spencer lays his head on the pillow. “Don't steal the blanket from me.” Y/N rolls her eyes, taking off her shirt. “Don't stare at my boobs.” His eyes slip down there for a second. “Okay, I won't.” Once she's in nothing but her underwear, Y/N jumps on the bed next to Spencer and scoots closer to him. This is their first night together in his apartment as something more than friends and Y/N is not nervous at all. While they were having dinner, Y/N thought this would feel different because of the new relationship that is blossoming between them but in reality, nothing has really changed. They're still best friends, they still care about each other. So? “I want a goodnight kiss.” Y/N turns to him, raising an eyebrow. “Oh, a goodnight kiss.” Spencer points to his lips. “Kissing is one of the most primal ways of expressing affection for others, it's one of the earliest evolutionary mechanisms for social bonding. Romantic kissing may be utilized in human sexual relationships to evaluate aspects of a potential's mate's suitability, to mediate feelings of attachment between pair-bonded individuals, or to facilitate arousal and initiate sexual relations.” The young woman stares at him, pursing her lips. “Are you asking me to have sex?” He grins, continuing his rant. “Kissing serves as a useful mate-assessment function, seen as more important in long-term relationships contexts and kissing frequency was found to be related to relationship satisfaction.” Y/N lets out a sigh, turning on her back. “Okay, I get it. Kissing is good for health, so?” “I want my goodnight kiss so I can sleep better.” mutters the doctor. She leans in, pressing a kiss on his cheek. “Here you go. Happy?” Spencer puts a hand on her cheek, lowering her face so that their lips can touch; and when they do, Y/N closes her eyes and lays a hand on his chest, giggling against his mouth. She would've never denied him a kiss, but she was in the mood to hear something factual about kissing and how kissing is important between two lovers. Well, they're not lovers yet but they might be very soon. Right? Is that the direction they're going to?

Y/N taps on his chest, sighing softly on his lips. “Okay, that's enough.” But Spencer keeps on kissing her, a hand laying gently on her hips to pull her closer.

Y/N allows him to do that, sliding against his body with a hand pressed on his chest and the other one lifting part of her body so that she's able to kiss him again and again. She is never going to get enough of him and his kisses, she's already addicted. “Stop kissing me, horny boy. - whispers Y/N, the hand on his chest moving behind his neck – We have to sleep, I'm tired and the jet lag is about to kick in. I'll probably sleep until noon tomorrow.” Spencer softly nods, his lips not leaving hers. “Sure, we can stop now if you want.” She closes her eyes, his tongue caressing her bottom lip. “Do you want to stop?” He doesn't reply, he simply rolls over her body so that he's between her legs. “Do you?” Y/N opens her eyes, lifting her right hand to caress his cheek. “I'm too tired to have sex.” “I don't want to have sex. - says Spencer, kissing her lips – I just want to kiss you.” “Hm, okay. You can kiss me but keep your hands off my boobs or you're going to get me in the mood. - she mutters, chuckling when he smiles – Seriously, let's take this very slow. I don't want to rush anything between us, it's too important.” “A new Australian study found that 64% partecipants slept bettern when they had sex with their partner and an orgasm. When you're engaging in sex, you're not thinking about what to do the next day. It distracts you. After humans have sex and achieve orgasm, there's a massive release of oxytocin. The same part of the brain that regulates your arousal, also regulates your sleep-wake cycle. Although having sex can affect your mood and your sleep, sex should be for when you and your partner are in the mood. - explains Spencer, his lips travelling down her neck to kiss it and bite on it softly – For women, estrogen levels increase after sex which can enhance a woman's REM cycle for a deeper sleep.”

Y/N raises an eyebrow, staring at him. ”So you're suggesting we have sex before sleeping because it might help us sleep better and psychology says so.” He wrinkles his nose. “Well, it's something we can take into consideration.” She stays silent for a few seconds, then she starts laughing. “My God, Spencie. If you wanted to have sex, you could've just told me.” “You said you are too tired to have sex and I didn't want to push, you know? - he mutters, blushing hard at her words as he shakes his head – Also, you just came back from Italy. I don't want you to fall asleep while we're having sex, it'd be a punch to my ego.” Y/N runs her fingers through his hair. “We can have sex tomorrow night, though.” “How about tomorrow morning? When you'll wake up? - asks the young woman, lifting his face so that he's able to look her in the eyes – I really, really want to do it.” She hums, leaning in to kiss his lips. “That might be a good idea.” Spencer rolls back on his side of the bed, cuddling up against Y/N's body as she turns with her back on him. He puts a hand on her hip, pushing her closer to him, as he presses his forehead against her shoulders before leaving a kiss on it. Y/N smiles softly at his gesture, lifting the blanket so it can cover her body, and lets out a sigh as she feels extremely tired. Coming home has never felt better. She got to see all of her friends and colleagues. But most importantly, she got Spencer back. And this time, she's not going to leave him. Y/N grabs the hand he has on her hip and leaves a kiss on the back of it, bringing it up to her heart so she can sleep better. Having Spencer pressed on her has never felt this good before. Sure, it's not the first time that they sleep in the same bed, tangled with each other like this, but it's the first time they're sleeping together as something more than two best friends. But it doesn't feel any different. They're still those two people they were before. Just a bit more in love. “Now I'm home.” Spencer smiles at her whispered words, closing his eyes and falling asleep with the woman he loves in his arms.

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TAG LIST: @bookishspencer @allexthakatt​​ @calm-and-doctor @reidswhoree​

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Hello my darlings, it’s 1 am here. Let me know what you think about this. And please, let me know with a message if you want to be added to my masterlist. Love, Aurora x

[shemarmooresfedora]

Rebuilding Family

Summary: Y/N and Spencer were college sweethearts at Cal-Tech but once Spencer got accepted to the FBI Academy, he ended things deciding it was not fair to make Y/N wait for him. When they meet again years later, he discovers something unexpected.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

Warnings: mentions of gun violence (just references to what happened last chapter, nothing new), hospitals, one swear word

A/N at bottom

Masterlist

Chapter 22

You managed to make the nurse feel bad enough for you that she gave you lots of extra Jell-O.

“Happy birthday, dear Jo,” you and Spencer sang, “Happy birthday to you.”

“Blow out the invisible candle!” you encouraged her.

“I promise we will get you an even bigger cake than before soon,” Spencer kissed her head as she ate a spoonful of the green Jell-O.

“It’s okay, I like Jell-O,” Jo said, outreaching the spoon towards Spencer.

“Me too,” he smiled, taking the bite off the spoon.

Spencer’s phone rang and you saw it displaying Hotch’s name. Spencer grabbed the phone and stood and you nodded at him in acknowledgement.

“Hey, Hotch” Spencer said as he stepped out of the room, quietly closing the door behind him.

“Reid, is there any way you could get back to the BAU?” Hotch asked.

“I really don’t feel comfortable leaving my family until the unsub is caught,” Spencer stated, watching you feed Jo another cup of Jell-O through the window.

“Not even if we sent two guards over,” Hotch asked.

“No sorry, I’m not leaving them. Can you fill me in over the phone?” Spencer responded.

“Yes, of course. I’m going to have Garcia call the hospital and fax some documents over to you so you can look them over. I’m setting you up on speaker in the conference room now,” Hotch stated.

“How’s everyone over there?” JJ asked.

“As good as can be expected. Y/N is sitting up now and she says her discomfort is minimal. And Jo seems to be enjoying the vast supply of Jell-O here. Oh also, Y/N and I are engaged,” he added.

“WHAT? Boy Wonder, you can’t keep springing huge news on us like it isn’t a big deal. You’re getting married!” Penelope squealed.

“Yes, I am,” Spencer smiled.

“Dr. and Mrs. Pretty Boy,” Derek grinned.

Everyone else gave their congratulations before getting to work.

“This unsub obviously has a vengeance against specifically Reid because we were all there and they only aimed for Reid’s family, probably because they knew it would inflict the most pain for him,” Emily stated.

“Garcia, search all past cases in which Reid was the primary on the takedown,” Hotch said.

“Sir, he was at the bureau for nearly seven years. There’s still hundreds,” Garcia replied.

“Garcia, filter out anyone who is still in prison. Focus on unsubs that have been recently released or escaped,” Spencer said.

Spencer heard Penelope clicking away at her keyboard through the phone.

“There’s no one you have put away that has escaped or been released in the past six months.”

“An unsub that has this much rage against Reid would have taken action before then,” Derek countered.

“Get a list of everyone I had to kill and focus on their friends and family. Maybe an anniversary is coming up that triggered them” Spencer spoke softly.

“Got it. We’ll update you later. Tell Y/N we all are sending our best,” Hotch said.

“And a muffin basket!” Penelope added.

-

Spencer was curled up on the tiny hospital bed with Jo and Y/N who were both napping when his phone rang.

“Do you remember the L.D.S.K. in Des Plaines, Illinois about 5 years ago?” Hotch asked.

“Yes, Phillip Dowd. He was an E.R. nurse taking shifts at multiple hospitals and wanted to save the people he shot to look good,” Spencer spoke softly.

“This unsub is exhibiting the same M.O. and you were the one who shot him in the hostage

situation. So, I had Garcia look up his relatives. He has a younger brother, Damon, who served in the army as well but was just recently dishonorably discharged after a long mission. That explains why he would target you now.”

“Of course. How did I not see this?” Spencer rubbed his eyes out of frustration.

“Your girlfriend, or should I say fiancée, was just shot. I think you have the right to not be exactly clear-headed right now,” Hotch assured him.

“Is he in custody?” Spencer asked, watching you start to stir next to him.

“Yes but he wants you to take his confession.”

“I’ll be there soon,” Spencer sighed and hung up.

“Who was that?” you whispered.

“They got the guy but I have to take his confession,” Spencer whispered back.

“Why?”

Spencer looked you in the eyes guiltily. He had to tell you that he was responsible for you getting shot. He was the one that the unsub was angry at.

“It’s all my fault,” he whispered, a tear rolling down his cheek, “It’s the brother of an unsub I had to kill five years ago.”

“Love,” you wiped the tear off his cheek with your thumb, “you were not holding the gun pointed at me. This was not your fault. You were only doing what was right during that case,” you spoke softly but in a serious tone, “I need you to say it for me, please.”

“This...was not my fault,” Spencer sniffled.

“Good,” you gave him a kiss, “now go get the bad guy’s confession and then come back to us.”

-

Spencer entered the slightly chilly interrogation room with a file in his hand.

“Dr. Spencer Reid,” Damon smirked.

“Why did you do it?” Spencer asked flatly, taking a seat across from him.

“Try to kill your family at your daughter’s birthday party? Eye for an eye, Doctor,” he replied.

“Why wouldn’t you shoot me though? I’m the one you have a problem with,” Spencer asked, already knowing the answer.

“You’ve been shot before. That’s nothing new. Even if you died, your pain would be relatively minimal compared to watching a loved one bleed out in front of you knowing that you were the cause.”

Spencer’s mind flashed back to earlier when you made him state out loud that he was not responsible for any of this.

“This was your fault, not mine,” Spencer spoke firmly.

“Too bad, I’m not as good of a sniper as Phillip. Next time, I’ll have to practice more,” Damon made a fake gun with his fingers and pointed it up to Spencer’s head, pretending to shoot it.

“And I’ll make sure Mommy isn’t around to stop the bullet….you know what, maybe I’ll actually take two shots next time.”

“You son of a bitch,�� Spencer leapt up from the table and tackled Damon to the floor.

Damon wasn’t in handcuffs but was already pinned to the floor before he knew what was happening. Spencer landed a few good punches on him before Hotch and Derek pulled him back.

“Stay away from them,” Spencer seethed.

“Are you going to do something about this rogue agent?” Damon demanded, wiping the blood from his nose.

“Technically, he’s a civilian and I’m only responsible for my team’s behavior so no. And it’s doctor, not agent,” Hotch put Damon back in handcuffs and escorted him out of the room.

A/N: so many people thought the unsub was cat adams but i already planned it to be like the LDSK in the park. i wasn’t originally planning on having cat be in this fic but should i write her in (this fic will still have a happy ending). also, this is a bit of a filler chapter but the next chapter is gonna be really long and i’m so busy this week so it may not be out until this weekend. i will post an update on here when i have a better idea of when it will be out. anyways...did you hear that??? i think it’s wedding bells...