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gravelyhumerus · 4 years ago

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Criminal Minds College AU - Chapter Twelve

Fandom: Criminal Minds

Title: “I may just take your breath away” Relationship: Jemily

Rating: Explicit (as of this chapter) Summary: JJ faces consequence for her actions (and gets a hickey).

Slow-burn Jemily college AU where they live across the hall and despite all odds, the universe pushes them together. AKA they’re silly gay babies who pine after each other for months.

Read it on AO3

Tumblr: One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, Eleven, Twelve, Thirteen, Fourteen, Fifteen, Sixteen, (bonus scene), Seventeen, Eighteen, Nineteen, Twenty, Epilogue

JJ threw herself down onto the bench, hoisting her cleat onto the table and yanking the laces loose. She bit her cheek to keep from crying as her breaths came in heaves.

She had run from it all, again. That’s all she was good for anyways, running away. It’s what Jareaus did best.

She closed her eyes, focusing on the present, pushing away all of the thoughts of home that were flashing across her vision.

Home, in her quiet, empty childhood home, JJ had gotten a text from Emily Prentiss. JJ read the message, standing stock-still in the bathroom that sent shivers down her spine.

The sight of the girl’s name made her smile, brought a shiver of excitement down her spine and the ghost of a kiss to her lips.

But, when she closed her eyes, Rosalyn’s blood pooled on the tile floor underneath her feet. JJ couldn’t respond to Emily’s text. Instead, she curled up on the floor next to where her sister died.

JJ shook her head, returning to the present. This wasn’t the time, she thought.

She moved to her other shoe, untying the laces and prying the cleat off of her sore foot. She rolled her knee-high socks off of her calves, focusing on the familiar motions and not the swirling thoughts and emotions that tugged at her brain.

But today, soccer wasn’t helping. The sport had always been her solace, the pitch a place where she could forget who she was, what she was, for a couple hours. But today, the mess that was her life had broken through the barrier, and gotten her sent home from practice early.

JJ cursed as she stripped off her uniform, working her tight shirt and sports bra over her head, then removing her baggy navy blue shorts. Wrapping a towel around her, JJ grit her teeth as she took her toiletries into the shower.

With a protesting squeak, the tap spun under JJ’s hands. She turned it just past midway, then further into the red, hoping the hot water would wash away the fog that clogged JJ’s brain.

JJ’s father was gone. Her mother hadn’t had the heart to tell her. Leaving it for JJ to arrive in her childhood home, finding out in person that the dining room now had two empty chairs instead of just one.

She stepped into the shower and let the scalding water run over her body.

“I’m sorry Jenny,” her mother said, her voice breaking with the words. “I didn’t know how to say it over the phone, and after your break up-”

He had left without so much of a goodbye. She should have seen it coming. The fighting that had been bad when she was a teen, had only gotten worse after JJ wasn’t there to try and hold the pieces of her broken family together.

She had frozen in the foyer, her duffel bag still in hand, as her mother stood before her, begging her to say something.

JJ didn’t know what to say, still didn’t. All she knew was that she wasn’t enough. Not enough of a sister, of a daughter, of a girlfriend. She wasn’t enough for anyone, and she knew it. She couldn’t keep her family together. She couldn’t keep her sister alive. And she was certainly not good enough for someone like Emily Prentiss to love.

Hot tears melded with the water raining down from above as JJ let out a quiet sob that echoed through the change room.

“Jareau?” Kennedy’s confused voice called out as the door to the locker room slammed shut behind her.

JJ stifled her cry with her hand over her mouth and tried to settle herself down. Breathing in and out, JJ closed her eyes and focused on the rush of the hot water over her body.

JJ had run around the track, harder, faster, pushing herself further than she should have. She ran the drills sloppily, her aggression showing though in bursts of frustration when she couldn’t master her footwork. Her coach sent her to the locker room early; apparently he had enough of JJ’s bad mood.

JJ shook her head; she turned off the water and grabbed the towel, wrapping it around her before peeking her head out of the stall.

“Yeah?” she croaked.

“Seriously, like, what is going on with you?” Kennedy asked.

JJ frowned, walking over and sitting on the bench, busying herself with towelling off her hair with her extra towel rather than answering the question. She shivered in the cool air.

“You’ve been all over the place this semester,” Kennedy continued, unheeded. “First you’re all weird, then you’re all smiley, now your brain is somewhere else.”

JJ didn’t look at her.

“And frankly,” Kennedy continued, her wide blue eyes boring into the side of JJ’s face, “we can’t handle someone whose head isn’t in the game with playoffs coming up.”

JJ gulped. She was right. This had come at the worst possible time. All of this. And it was getting to her, affecting her game, making her sloppy. “Is this still about your break-up?” Kennedy asked. “Did something happen over Thanksgiving?”

“Honestly,” JJ sighed, “yes and no.”

“I don’t understand,” she said.

She didn’t really understand either. How could she tell Kennedy about how her mother had cried when she had told her that she and Will had broken up? How could she explain that the tense silence between her and her mother was the last straw? How it was somehow worse than her parents' constant fighting? How could she explain that when she stared at the closed door of her dead sister's room, all of the heartbreak came flooding back?

Kennedy watched her, her earnest face blank as JJ wrestled with her inner turmoil.

JJ’s mind flashed back to the hurt and pain on Emily’s face. The way Emily’s face collapsed into blankness as JJ pulled back, how JJ felt like she had betrayed her friend.

JJ tried to explain. She went over her break up, in significantly more detail than she planned to, how she had felt bogged down by him, how she didn’t want him to visit, how he seemed to sense that and broke up with her.

“But wasn’t all that a while ago?” Kennedy asked.

JJ sighed. This was the catch.

“There’s someone else on your mind, isn’t there?” Kennedy guessed. Sometimes the girl was actually perceptive. “Why haven’t you said anything? You’ve got to share. Is he hot?”

Well, not that perceptive.

JJ found herself laughing at the question. She thought for a second. She hadn’t really… come out to anyone before. Penelope Garcia didn’t count, she practically guessed. Same with Spencer. And JJ hadn’t even thought about telling her mom.

Kennedy was different. She thought JJ was straight and loved talking about boys with her. As the semester progressed, JJ’s interest in these conversations faded alongside her attraction to men.

“She is,” JJ said, to Kennedy’s surprise.

JJ then proceeded to explain her friendship with Emily, her crush on the girl, and her absolute panic when faced with a potential romance with the other girl.

“So you’re lesbian?” Kennedy asked.

“Yes. No. Maybe,” JJ floundered.

“You don’t like me, do you?!” she asked, horror on her face. JJ’s stomach sank at the question. “Because I’m not… not…”

“Kennedy, I don’t,” JJ assured her, feeling a touch icky about the conversation. “I don’t see you that way.”

“Should I stop changing in front of you?” she asked.

JJ sighed in frustration.

“Hey, you know how you don’t find all boys attractive?” JJ said, trying to dumb it down for her friend. “And some are just friends?”

“I guess,” Kennedy said, “So you don’t want to stare at girls in the change room?”

“No,” JJ said, “I’ve literally seen all of you guys naked. You’re like my siblings.”

“Oh thank god,” Kennedy said. JJ cringed at the relief in her voice, but decided not to call her out on it. “So this girl, Emily, you like her?”

“Yeah,” JJ said.

“Then why don’t you date her?” Kennedy asked. “Didn’t you guys kiss?”

JJ ran her hands through her hair—a nervous habit she knew messed up her hair and left it poofy—as she tried to formulate her response. She couldn’t even explain it to Emily, or herself, she wasn’t sure how to make Kennedy understand.

JJ hurt people. She messed everything up. She ruined her last relationship because she got bored of him. Would she do the same to Emily? That would ruin everything. She couldn’t lose Emily. It was better to be friends and have her close than have something more and ruin it.

Explaining that was a challenge, but eventually Kennedy got it. Mostly.

“I think I’ve just made it worse,” JJ said. “I did exactly what I was trying to avoid, I hurt her.”

“What happened?”

JJ didn’t know what happened. She was still trying to claw her way out of the fog that clogged up her brain.

“Emily texted me. And I just left her on read,” JJ said, her anger at herself coming through in her tone. “I didn’t mean to. She texted me when her flight landed but I was just so out of it.”

JJ gulped, rifling through her bag for some clothes as the chill of the room was creeping into her bones.

“I put off responding to Emily until I had a handle on my feelings,” JJ explained, she was too afraid baggage on this girl that she liked so much, desperately avoiding scaring her off.

Left alone in her childhood bedroom, the walls still painted pink and the band posters still hanging onto her wall with scotch tape, JJ’s thoughts swirled around. She worked herself up to a panic, pacing back and forth across the creaky wooden floor, until she laced up her sneakers and thundered downstairs.

She ran. First, around the block, passing the familiar neighbours and parks that populated her suburban neighbourhood. She pushed on, heading deeper into suburbia.

Tears stung at her eyes as the route took her back to high school, her feeling of desperation to escape, to get out of this shitty town and all the weight that made her feel like she was slowly sinking.

That weight had returned. Now, it doubled down on her, making her second guess it all.

“I could have just pretended like nothing was wrong,” JJ said, “But that felt like a lie.”

Before she realized it, she found herself jogging past Will’s house.

She remembered the year when he moved to Pennsylvania: it was tenth grade and he was the new kid. He hadn’t known Ros. He was safe, free of the expectations of JJ being the poor little Jareau girl.

Now, seeing his place sent a pit of anxiety into her stomach.

“But the more I put it off, the more I started questioning what I had started,” JJ said.

“Like, kissing her, you mean?” Kennedy asked, “Did you regret it or something?”

“No,” she replied, “I would never regret that.”

She ruined things. She hurt people. And if she let things continue with Emily, it would just blow up in her face.

JJ ran harder, slowly coming to a conclusion.

“I needed to break it off,” JJ said. “I knew I would hurt her. I just have so much going on. I’ll just hurt her.”

She gritted her teeth as she mentally prepared herself to tell Emily. She knew she had to get it over with. Nip it in the bud before it was real. She couldn’t lose her friend. If she did, she would lose them all.

It would be all her fault, if things ended badly. All their friends would know that JJ was to blame, Derek would hate her, Hotch too, Spencer would look at her differently, and Penelope would know she made the mistake of being JJ’s friend.

It would be better if they didn’t start. They didn’t kiss again. No one would get hurt. They could just be friends. Just friends.

“So you decided to stay friends? Why didn’t you just text her back?”

“I tried. I drafted text after text after text and nothing worked. I just kept deleting it.”

When JJ returned to her parents house—well, her mom’s house now—she picked up her phone, trying to draft a message to Emily. Try as she might, she couldn’t form a coherent sentence.

“I fucked it up,” JJ admitted to Kennedy. “I thought breaking things off before it started would be better, but I think I made things worse.”

“So you’re not dating her?”

“No.”

“Look Jen, I’m sorry about your family stuff. That’s hard. My parents split when I was twelve and it seriously fucked me up. I get it. But you gotta get over yourself.”

JJ frowned, feeling offended by the comment, but knew that Kennedy didn’t mean anything by it. She was just like that.

“You’re not going to make it better by wallowing and lashing out. It’s not healthy, and you’re going to cost us the playoffs. You need to get out of your head.”

Kennedy thought for a minute, seeming to size JJ up on the spot.

“You know what you need?” Kennedy said. “To get out. See new people. Drink. Have fun.”

This was Kennedy’s solution for everything, but for the first time, JJ didn’t turn the offer down, surprising even herself.

———

JJ gulped her beer, downing it quickly despite the warm foam that swirled in her mouth. She needed to be drunk, like right now. Kennedy seemed to agree, holding the bottle upright to allow the beer flow into JJ’s mouth until she finished the drink.

They were in a dingy frat house, surrounded by miscellaneous athletes. There was a lull before playoffs, for most teams, which meant that the weekend was jam packed with parties. This one was occupied by the soccer teams, men’s basketball, and assorted other players that JJ couldn’t place in her drunken state.

She wiped her mouth, depositing her bottle on the nearby table, and found herself stumbling somewhat. She was only getting more drunk at this point . After quite a few rounds of shots before they left Kenendy’s dorm room, JJ was well on her way to being blackout.

JJ was already regretting her decision. With finals and playoffs coming up, she should have been spending this time studying or training.

But, after days of side looks from Penelope and the sad look in Spencer’s eyes, JJ needed to get out of her residence, away from all the people who knew how much she had fucked it up. Ever since JJ and Emily returned to residence on Sunday, and JJ broke it off, tension between JJ and all of her friends had been palpable.

She had no idea how to fix things, and drinking away her problems seemed like it might actually work. She also knew that after a week of little to no appetite, the alcohol was hitting her harder than it would’ve on a full stomach.

“Easy girl,” Kennedy laughed, likely even drunker than the blonde. Her bright red hair was straightened, almost unrecognisable to JJ, who was used to the wild frizzy curls she usually sported, and fell halfway down her back. Her blue eyes glinted mischievously as she spotted some people going out for a smoke.

JJ sighed as Kennedy looked at her pleadingly, knowing the girl wanted to bum a cigarette. She was a notorious drunk smoker.

“Those will kill you,” JJ warned, as her mind wandered to how she sometimes spotted Emily sitting on the bleachers, smoking alone, lost in thought. She couldn’t explain how something so bad for you could look so hot in the right hands.

“Not if I have just one,” Kennedy said. “I’ll be fine. You need to talk to someone besides me and Jordan. Find a guy. It’ll be good for you.”

JJ sighed. Kennedy and her got along well during practices and were an unstoppable force on the field, but outside of that, they were very different people. Jordan Todd, their mutual friend on the team who played defence, was too busy talking to a group of volleyball players to notice JJ looking at her.

She ran her eyes around the cramped party, watching masses of bodies writhe to the pounding music. She opened her next beer and took a long swig, swaying slightly to the music, trying to get out of her head and enjoy the party.

Maybe Kennedy was right. Maybe if JJ could get her mind off Emily, she could focus on just being friends with her. Maybe without all of her romantic feelings clouding her thoughts, JJ could make amends and they could just be friends.

When Kennedy returned to the party, she had her boyfriend Grant Anderson in tow. He was stocky and had a round face, wearing a polo shirt, khakis and boat shoes like most of the guys at the party.

JJ greeted him pleasantly, though she was still a little cheesed that he had single-handedly gotten most of the team sick a few weeks ago.

“We’re getting her laid,” Kennedy announced.

JJ grimaced as Grant began to list off the eligible bachelors on the water polo team. JJ floundered with her response, deciding instead to gulp down her beer, hoping the alcohol would make this easier.

Before he finished his list, he spotted someone who he clearly decided would be perfect for her. He was tall, muscular, with kind eyes, a perfect man in any other circumstance.

Kennedy elbowed her in the side as he walked up to him, greeting him with exaggerated excitement and a pointed look to JJ. Despite their previous conversation about JJ’s ambiguous sexuality, Kennedy seemed to have defaulted to setting her up with men.

He told her his name was Luke, showed her pictures of his dog, and talked to her about how challenging it was to balance being a varsity lacrosse player with academics. He was perfect. The kind of boy that any girl would be thrilled to bring back home to her parents.

Except JJ couldn’t bring herself to feel any attraction to him. Instead of lust, she pictured herself watching the game with him and eating cheetos.

JJ nodded passively as Kennedy and Grant left her with Luke, trying to focus on the facts about his life. She kicked herself internally, knowing that he seemed smart and kind, and that she shouldn’t be rude, but she couldn’t get Emily out of her mind. Anyways, JJ wasn’t even sure if she even liked men at all.

As Luke explained his major and minor combo, and how that was going to get him into the FBI some day, JJ’s mind wandered to the thought of running her hands through Emily’s silky black hair.

JJ zoned out, her eyes drifting across the party, wondering where Kennedy, Grant and Jordan had all wandered off to.

As if called, Kennedy walked up with a bottle of jägermeister and some plastic shot glasses. She greeted Luke with a friendly greeting, obviously familiar with the tall lacrosse player.

“Shots?” She asked with a grin. JJ rolled her eyes but couldn’t say no, she was already drunk and the idea of more alcohol sounded like a good idea at the time.

They downed two shots before Kennedy heard a song that she liked playing over the speakers and she headed back onto the dance floor to find her boyfriend, leaving JJ alone with Luke.

A girl caught her eye from across the party, leaning casually on the kitchen counter, sipping something amber coloured out of a glass. JJ recognized her from the bar that they went to on trivia nights, her auburn hair cut in a bob and mischievous eyes were unmistakable. She was the bartender, who JJ had, at one point, caught flirting with Emily.

Now, the girl was making eyes at her.

JJ looked back to Luke, who was asking her about her major, and her plans for the future. She had to admit that she didn’t really know, and that she was keeping her options open.

Distracted by the other girl’s presence, JJ’s eyes kept flicking towards the brunette, tracking her as she walked across the room and right up to JJ.

“Hey there,” the mystery girl said, smiling at JJ and giving Luke a quick wave.

“Hello,” Luke said with a friendly nod.

“I think your friend’s looking for a partner,” the girl said, pointing towards one of Luke’s friends who was waving over at him. He was tall and had an oversized navy and yellow varsity jacket. He, like Luke, seemed familiar from other varsity events that JJ had attended, Simon… or Simmons or something like that.

Before she knew it, Luke was pulled into a beer pong game, giving JJ an apologetic smile and a wave, before leaving her with the brunette.

The taller girl looked her up and down, blatantly checking her out.

“What are you drinking?” she asked, gesturing to JJ’s beer. “An IPA?”

“You got it,” JJ said. “You?”

“Tequila sunrise,” she responded. “I like things sweet.”

JJ found herself blushing, as the girl leaned in to say that. The girl's hair was curled, resting just below her ears on her neck in a playful style. She had impressive liquid eyeliner swooping across her lids and a soft nude lipstick on her lips. JJ’s eyes moved south, taking in her low cut blouse and skin tight jeans.

Her head spun at the sight of her. And at the sheer amount of beer that she had consumed.

The brunette’s face was soft, tanned. Her eyes large, looking down at her with an impish grin. She was lithe and sultry, and smelled like licorice.

“Like what you see?” the stranger said, smirking at JJ’s reddening face. “The name’s Elle, I think I’ve seen you around.”

“Jennifer, but my friends call me JJ,” she said.

“Well. Jennifer, let's see if we can work up to calling you JJ then, shall we?”

Elle drained the last of her drink, placing the glass on a nearby table.

“Want to get out of this dump?” Elle asked.

JJ nodded dumbly, acting without thinking, and followed the girl out of the party, sending Kennedy a quick text as she grabbed her coat.

JJ: took ur advice! see yuo later

Kennedy didn’t respond, as she was too busy chugging beer from a funnel at the time.

The two girls walked outside, and within seconds JJ’s face was between Elle’s hands, pulled into a deep, passionate and incredibly sexy kiss.

JJ acted on autopilot, responding in kind to the other girl’s advances as she pressed JJ up against the brick wall, grinding into her as Elle swiped her tongue against JJ’s.

Despite feeling unsteady, with the two shots of alcohol hitting her hard, JJ’s stomach flopped at the thought of kissing someone who wasn’t Emily. Half of her wanted to race home, knock on Emily’s door, and beg her forgiveness, but the other half was melting into this stranger’s arms.

JJ’s blood raced through her veins, and she could feel the need flash across her mind. She wanted this girl, knowing nothing about her. She was there, and she was touching JJ, and it was all she wanted in that moment.

JJ was also very drunk. Drunker than she had been in a long time. The world spun slightly, and she felt warm despite the frosty air.

When Elle pulled back, JJ’s lips were swollen and she was desperate for more.

“Your place or mine?” Elle asked.

———

They tumbled into Elle’s room, hands tugging at clothing and lips connected the entire time. JJ kicked off her shoes and fiddled with her belt, trying to remove obstacles early on in the process.

Soon Elle was standing in front of her wearing only a pair of jeans and a lacy black bra, the sight of which made JJ acutely aware of the wetness that was pooling between her legs.

“Take this off,” Elle commanded, tugging on the v-neck blue shirt that JJ had worn, not knowing when she was picking out her outfit that she would actually be going home with someone.

JJ obeyed, pulling it over her head, revealing a grey sports bra with a white stretchy band that wrapped around her ribcage. Elle pulled her in for another kiss, her mouth demanding and insistent.

As they kissed, Elle’s deft hands undid the button on her jeans, and pulled down the zipper on her fly. JJ then shimmied her jeans off, leaving her in her underwear as she watched Elle do the same.

Somehow the other girls movements were elegant and intentional, making the awkward motion of stripping look hot.

“Bed,” Elle said, guiding JJ onto the edge of her own bed and straddling her.

Elle lived off campus, in a fairly average apartment. Her room was neat, with only scattered books and a bit of laundry on the ground in the corner. Her bed was soft, but squeaked with their motion. JJ hoped Elle didn’t have any roommates.

JJ held onto her thighs as Elle kissed down her jaw, before moving her lips to JJ’s pulse point and down her neck. Elle sucked on the soft skin above her collar bone, evoking a surprised moan from JJ.

Her breathing grew heavy as Elle sucked on her neck and buried her hands in her hair. JJ gripped the brunette's thighs even tighter, before running her arms up and down her spine, tracing the feeling of a woman’s body, almost naked against hers.

It was a different feeling, having a girl's breast pressed up against hers. The softness of Elle’s face was so different from the roughness of any man's.

As JJ was lost in thought, an almost tentative hand fiddled with the back of her sports bra. No, not tentative, there was nothing about Elle that was tentative. It was a question, asking for consent to strip JJ’s final layer off. JJ nodded and before she knew it, Elle was pulling the garment smoothly off of her head.

Elle’s lips went lower, her tongue dragging across the small swell of JJ’s breast and swirled around her nipple. JJ gasped and clenched her thighs at the sensation, squeezing her eyes shut in pleasure.

“You’re such a pretty thing,” Elle whispered at her.

JJ opened her eyes as Elle sucked on her nipple, eliciting a quiet, oh , in surprise. She could feel Elle smiling, a devilish grin of a girl who knew exactly what she was doing.

Then, she stopped and grinned at her. JJ stared, slack jaw, back at her as her head spun with alcohol and lust.

Elle patted her thigh, an instruction to get further on the bed, JJ did so, moving up onto it. Elle carefully placed herself on top of JJ, propping herself up by her elbows as she resumed their kiss.

JJ reached around to Elle’s back, deciding to undo her bra and level the playing field, but she fumbled with the clasp. A blush went to her cheeks as she struggled with the fastener, tugging at it frantically.

“First time?” Elle asked her, grinning wolfishly down at her.

JJ couldn't lie, so she just nodded before adding: “With a girl at least.”

“Don’t worry,” Elle whispered. “I’ll show you the ropes.”

She sat on her haunches and one handedly took off her own bra, flinging it somewhere off the bed and staring down at JJ.

JJ panted as she took all of Elle in, her big eyes, parted lips. Her long neck and graceful swoop of her collar bones. Her round breasts and tanned skin before her.

A pair of black panties hid the last of Elle from JJ, hugging her hips and teasing her of what lay beneath.

Elle pulled JJ onto herself, guiding her down with confident hands on JJ’s thighs. They resumed their kiss, now breathy and frantic, their lips crashed together in open mouthed kisses, both girls desperate to get closer.

Elle’s hand grazed her hip, trailing along her thigh and coming to rest between JJ’s legs. JJ’s hips bucked into the touch, grinding down onto Elle’s hand.

“Someone’s excited,” Elle noted between kisses.

Elle flipped both of them over, carefully holding JJ’s hip in one hand and head with the other and JJ crashed into the mattress with a gasp. Elle’s thigh fell between hers, making contact with JJ’s sensitive core.

The brunette kissed her deeply, pushing their bodies together and moving her hips, allowing her thigh to grind against JJ.

The friction sent JJ’s mind buzzing, as she was desperate for more contact.

“What do you say Jennifer,” Elle whispered in her ear, “Can I take these off of you?”

JJ nodded desperately, as the sound of Elle’s breath right into her ear sent tingles down her spine.

Elle kissed along JJ’s neck, placing a trail of open-mouth kisses down her chest and stomach, before coming to rest between JJ’s legs.

JJ felt herself tensing up, nervous about what she knew would come next.

As if sensing JJ’s hesitation, Elle placed her hand on JJ’s stomach, looking in her eyes with a look that said: relax.

JJ acquiesced, forcing her muscles to relax. Elle wrapped her arms around and under JJ’s legs, spreading them apart and holding them lightly. She then pressed her face into JJ’s left thigh, kissing it in a way that was incredibly arousing.

JJ gasped, jerking her leg away at the ticklish sensation, only to be held in place by Elle’s calm arm around her thigh. Elle kissed up JJ’s thigh, sucking onto her pale flesh hard enough to leave marks.

JJ felt herself clenching, as the combinations of sensations and the visual of Elle between her legs was almost too much. She gasped and panted, breathing heavy as all of her nerves were on fire.

The blonde gripped the sheets, on the verge of begging Elle to just fuck her already , but she couldn’t, she didn’t want that. All of this, all that was leading up to it, was on the cusp of sending her over the edge and she hadn’t even been touched where she needed to yet.

Elle hovered over JJ’s black panties, her breath coming in pants as she looked up at JJ, her brown eyes almost black in the dim light. Her hot breath made JJ strain forward, but Elle’s hands held her hips flat to the bed.

“Pl– please,” JJ whimpered.

At her word, Elle tugged on JJ’s panties, allowing the blonde to lift her hips up as Elle tugged them down and off.

Now, there was nothing between Elle and JJ.

The distance was soon closed and Elle greeted her with a long swipe up the centre, then a swirl over JJ’s clit. She almost yelled at the contact, as JJ’s head spun at the sensation of Elle’s mouth on her.

“You’re so wet for me,” Elle cooed. JJ nodded desperate for her to stop talking and start eating her out.

And Elle did. And she did it well.

Elle’s tongue danced across JJ, masterfully seeking out the places that made JJ gasp and moan. She was responsive to each noise that JJ made, and showed her clean talent at bringing another woman pleasure. JJ let go, focusing only on the feelings that Elle was evoking and the way she looked up at her as if checking in.

After a moment, JJ reached down. She entwined her one hand in Elle’s hair, guiding her up to her clit, desperate for more contact.

Before this, JJ always thought of oral as a step that she had to get through. It was always sloppy, unsatisfying, nowhere near the feelings she could get with her own hands or with a vibrator.

But now, as Elle sucked on her clit and moved her tongue across her, JJ didn’t want it to end. Unlike with herself, each moment was unexpected yet still welcome, as Elle moved around, constantly finding new ways to make JJ writhe on the bed.

Then, when JJ thought she wouldn’t ever feel better than she had, Elle’s right hand moved, and her fingers teased at JJ’s entrance. Elle looked up, checking that it was alright, JJ nodded desperately in response.

Elle entered her easily with two fingers. They glided into her with no resistance and JJ thought she might come just at the feeling of fullness in combination with Elle’s tongue flicking at her.

Starting a steady motion that complemented her tongue moving up and down, Elle’s fingers moved in and out of JJ, slowly, almost too slowly.

As JJ’s breath came heavier, Elle picked up speed, sucking at JJ’s clit and thrusting at an impressive speed. JJ’s hand held onto Elle’s hair for dear life.

As JJ babbled incoherently, begging Elle to keep going, keep going, keep going, suddenly she could picture Emily on top of her, Emily between her legs and Emily making her see stars.

JJ came saying Emily’s name. The sensation rolled through her, making her toes curl as she shut her eyes against the feeling. JJ’s lips parted and her body shivered as the orgasm took her.

She could hear Elle chuckle, but the noise was not enough to break the waves of pleasure that wracked through her body. The brunette didn’t stop her movements, rubbing her fingers down inside JJ as she rode out her orgasm. Nor did she stop sucking on JJ’s clit, as she had her lips wrapped around it, with her tongue rubbing against the centre.

Without a moment to breathe, JJ suddenly felt a second orgasm coming, building up in her gut and coming as a second wave that washed over her before she even knew it.

It hit her with less force than the first, but still powerful enough to send her twitching and shuddering. Elle pulled back, allowing JJ to ride her fingers at her own pace.

After a few moments of gasping and panting, JJ opened her eyes to find Elle wiping her hand on a towel and grinning down at her.

“Wow,” JJ managed, dazed at the feeling of elation that made her skin buzz.

Elle flopped beside her, reaching over JJ’s prone form towards a plastic reusable water bottle. She unscrewed the cap before offering some to JJ. She took it eagerly, spent and dehydrated from all of the beer.

“Good?” Elle asked, taking the water then having a sip for herself.

JJ nodded dumbly, feeling doubly out of it from the alcohol and the sex.

Elle placed the bottle back down on the desk, then laid down on the bed, facing JJ.

“Who’s Emily?” she asked, way more casually than the question should entail.

JJ’s face lit up in an even deeper blush than she was already sporting, mortified at the question and the memory of her calling out another girl's name while she was in bed with Elle.

“You don’t have to tell me,” Elle said, “But I don’t do cheating, if that’s what this is.”

“We’re not-” JJ said, stuttering. We’re not what? We’re not anything, yet, she thought. I broke it off before we could be anything. “I’m single, don’t worry.”

“Is she someone you want?” Elle asked.

JJ nodded, unsure of where this line of questioning would lead.

“Well, you have a lot to learn then,” Elle mused, “if you’re going to ever please this girl.”

JJ stared at her.

“From where I’m sitting,” Elle said, “you’ve gone home with some girl—me—to forget about this Emily girl, am I right?”

JJ nodded.

“But this is also your first time with a girl. So I’m sensing there’s some sort of combination of a will-they-won't-they situation and a sexuality crisis at play. Hence you have something to learn from me.”

“That’s not-”

“Yes it is,” Elle interrupted. “I don’t mind, don’t worry. I’ll show you some of the tricks up my sleeve and this Emily girl will have me to thank.”

JJ stuttered at Elle’s bold words, but didn’t have a single coherent thought to counter the brunette’s argument. She did want Emily. That was all she thought about. It was all so complicated, but here, with Elle, it was so simple. There were no feelings, no friendships, no bridges to burn, just sex.

“So, are you ready to learn?” Elle said, a daring look in her eye as her finger trailed along JJ’s stomach.

JJ nodded.

“Come on then.”

She obeyed, climbing onto Elle and kissing her deeply before moving lower, her hand creeping down to graze the brunette’s thigh.

“Don’t worry,” Elle said, “I’ll guide you through it.”

———

JJ woke up that morning to a splitting headache and a stomach that gave her the feeling that her bed was a ship lost at sea, tilting under the force of the ocean, making her nothing but seasick. But, she wasn’t in a boat, she was in a bed, and she was not in her own.

She squinted against the daylight, cracking open her eyes and blinking hard. She rubbed the sleep out of her eyes, holding her head steady as the headache throbbed and left her disoriented.

The large bay window was not hers, and the sleeping girl next to her was unfamiliar. But, the first thought in JJ’s mind was not either of these facts, it was the question of where the bathroom was, because she was about to yak.

JJ tried to stand, but the room was spinning so she braced herself with the desk that was right next to the bed, and she stumbled across the room, into the hall, where she saw the bathroom.

Not bothering to close the door behind her, JJ knelt and puked into the toilet. Some of the drinks from the night before came up, the bile feeling like fire in her throat and mouth. She heaved into the toilet, her eyes stinging with tears as she was forced to reckon with the sheer amount of alcohol that she had consumed at the party.

When her stomach had finally settled, JJ curled up on the floor, as the tears spilled down her cheeks.

She could barely remember the majority of the night before, but from what she could remember, it didn’t paint her in a very good light.

She had fucked someone else, and whoever this girl was, JJ could remember snippets of the evening and knew she had royally messed up.

Elle stood in the doorway with a glass of water, knocking lightly on the doorframe to announce her presence. JJ blinked up at her, mortified by her current predicament.

“Don’t tell me I got you pregnant,” Elle quipped, squatting and holding out the glass to JJ, who laughed half-heartedly and took it. JJ was relieved that at least she remembered the brunette’s name, that was a good sign.

Sipping the water, she swished it around in her mouth before spitting it out in the toilet. She then took another sip, swallowing it and relishing the cool feeling in her throat, mentally begging her body not to throw it up.

“You ok?” Elle asked, standing up.

JJ shrugged.

“Probably should have said no to that last beer,” JJ said hoarsely. “I should go.”

JJ stood, her legs feeling shaky and the world still feeling like it was spinning slightly. She was still mostly naked, only wearing her underwear and an unfamiliar t-shirt, which was presumably Elle’s.

Bright red blotches were visible above the fabric, gracing her collarbones and the right side of her neck with an array of hickies. JJ gasped and prodded at them, shocked at the angry red that was bright against her pale skin.

Her hair was a mess; the once-perfect blonde waves were mussed and tangled. There were large bags under her eyes and a wild look in her eyes.

The realization of what she had done sent another urgent feeling of nausea through her. She hurriedly rejected Elle’s offers of coffee, or breakfast, and raced out of her apartment building.

———

After a chilly walk through the student village, under the bright grey November light, JJ stumbled back to residence. She was wearing only the outfit she had worn out which didn’t do much against the cool fall breeze than it had last night with the warm buzz of alcohol in her system.

JJ stared at the ground her entire walk home, mortified with her leather jacket, high heeled boots, and low cut shirt. She was clearly on a walk of shame that Sunday morning.

Her outfit also did absolutely nothing to hide the bright red marks that crept up her neck. She had been too drunk to think about the consequences of letting Elle suck on her skin, and now had to face the consequences.

You’re ok, she said to herself. All you have to do is make it to your room. You have some concealer there, and turtlenecks. If you make it there you’re safe, no one will know.

She hurried up the stairs, unlocking the door to the second floor and speeding down the hall. She thanked god that her hair was long enough, so when she passed some people in the hall, she just lowered her head and looked away, hoping that no one looked at her too closely.

JJ was lucky that even though she had made a lot of mistakes that night, she still had her keys and her phone. She had her lanyard around her neck, ready to unlock her door, and there she would be home free.

Just as she reached her room, having to stop herself from sprinting down the hall, the door across the hall opened. JJ tensed up, key still in the lock, knowing exactly who was there.

She turned, forgetting about the marks on her neck, and looked at a steel-faced Emily Prentiss, looking at her with a blank expression in her eyes.

She was dressed for the day, wearing dark jeans, a baggy hoodie, and cordless headphones in her ears.

“Hello,” she said cooly, the simple word sending hurt into JJ’s gut.

“Hey,” JJ said, it sounded more like a croak than a word.

Emily’s eyes flicked down to her neck, widening at the sight. JJ gulped, realizing that Emily knew exactly what JJ had done the night before, the evidence clear all over her.

“I gotta go,” Emily said tersely, “I’m going to be late.”

And with that, Emily marched down the hall, without another word to JJ.

JJ unlocked her door, pushed it open, then her legs gave way and she fell in a puddle of her own tears, sobs wracking her whole body.

“JJ, what’s wrong?!” Penelope gasped, leaping up from her office chair and kneeling down in front of JJ.

She couldn’t make a sound, her embarrassment and anger at herself manifesting in angry sobs. Penelope wrapped her arms around JJ and allowed her to cry, patting her hair and holding her close.

“I’m so sorry,” JJ managed, knowing the person she was really apologizing to couldn’t hear her.

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