#jim from hr

[employee-464]

Charlene just lost the hottest man in town

Th- uh- That's... I'm- I'm sure there's a lot more "hot men" in this city

[cubbihue]

Do Sanderson and Timmy have a similar office relationship to Jim and Dwight from The Office?

Pretty much! Timmy likes pranking Sanderson on occasion, and seeing how far he can push Sanderson until HR gets involved. Sanderson is pretty tolerate all things considering... Although there is a limit until he shoots back with his own form of torture (HP lectures).

Timmy tries his best not to cross that line.

Bitties Series: [Start] > [Previous] > [Next]

[wandascosmic]

standing by (6)

wanda maximoff x fem!reader

part six of 'you belong with me' series

summary: basically a wanda series inspired by jim and pam from the office

word count: 4292

tags: best friends to lovers, very very special and cute friendship, reader pining after wanda, oblivious wanda it's almost laughable, believed to be unrequited love, toxic vision (unsurprisingly), honestly might be my favorite part i've written so far, also maybe perhaps some jealous wanda >: ), and the pranks are back!!

part 1 part 2 part 3 part 4 part 5 part 6 part 7

“Tony,” Wanda knocks on Tony’s office door. “There’s a girl outside who wants to sell handbags.” 

“Kick her out,” Tony responds, barely looking up from his magazine. “No vendors in the office.” 

“Okay, but I told her you’d talk to her at least–” 

“No, Wanda. I’m busy,” Tony cuts her off, putting his feet up on his desk. “Just tell her to go away.” 

Wanda nods, starting to head out the door. 

Once Wanda exits the room, curiosity gets the better of Tony, and he decides to try and see what the person looks like through the window. His mouth parts once he sees that she’s actually rather beautiful. 

“Why didn’t she tell me she was hot,” Tony mutters as he gets up to go and talk to the vendor girl. 

***

You watch in suspicion as Tony smooths his hair back, accompanied by the noticeable bright grin on his face. You follow his gaze all the way to the new girl who came in a few minutes ago, and your mouth forms an ‘o’ shape in realization. 

“Hi, there,” Tony says, making the purse girl turn around and face him. “I’m Tony.” He holds out his hand for her to shake. 

“Valkyrie,” she introduces herself back with a smile. 

“Wow, look at you,” Tony guffaws, clearly checking her out. “You’re, uh, you’re like the new and improved Wanda.” 

Your eyes widen in shock as you and Wanda make eye contact with each other. 

“Um, thank you?” Valkyrie questions. 

“You’re welcome.” Tony grins. “So listen, I usually don’t allow solicitors in the office, but for you, I think we’ll make an exception.” 

Tony was awful at flirting, you quickly realized. 

“Well, thank you very much.” Valkyrie nods politely. 

“Don’t worry about it. But hey, maybe you can make it up to me later with dinner and a movie maybe?” he suggests with a wiggle of his eyebrows.

You snort at his forwardness. 

“Uh–” 

“Anyways, think about it.” He pats her on the shoulder. “So, Valkyrie, you can use the conference room for the day.” He points in the direction of the aforementioned room. “And, I’ll check up on you in an hour or so to make sure you’re settling in. Sound good?” 

“Yes, that would be great, thank you,” Valkyrie responds. 

“Alright, let’s get you settled in then.” He grins, leading her in the right direction. 

Once they’re both out of sight, you go up to talk to Wanda. 

“Ten bucks he ignores all his work for the day to go and flirt with her,” you bet the receptionist, popping a candy from the dish on her desk into your mouth and leaning onto your elbows. 

“Ten bucks he moves the HR staff who are supposed to have a meeting in there into the hallway,” she responds with a smile. 

“Oh, you’re so on, Maximoff.” 

***

“So, if you need anything, don’t hesitate to ask,” Tony tells Valkyrie, helping her put her bags in place. 

“Well, I guess a cup of coffee would be nice,” Valkyrie answers back politely. 

“Oh! I knew it! I knew I should’ve spotted another addict.” Tony laughs. 

Valkyrie’s brows furrow in confusion. “I’m sorry?” 

“You know, those Dunkin’ Donuts coffee addicts? Man, gotta love it,” he sighs. 

“Regular coffee is fine, honestly,” Valkyrie assures, feeling awkward.

No, no, it’s not,” Tony shakes his head. “Damn it, too bad we don’t have the good stuff here.” 

“No, really, it is,” Valkyrie says. 

“Are you sure?” Tony asks. “‘Cause, you know I could go out to get some for you it’s only like a 30-minute drive–” 

“Really, it’s alright,” Valkyrie cuts off with a small laugh.

“Alright, great!” Tony says, about to head out the door. “I’ll just head on over to the coffee machine in the kitchen, then. Hey, do you want high test or unleaded?” 

“Um, high test?”  

“All right!” Tony says with a grin as he leaves her alone. 

Valkyrie sighs in relief once Tony’s gone. 

***

“So, are you jealous ‘cause there’s another girl around?” Thor asks Wanda as he staples his documents together behind her. 

“No, not really,” Wanda responds absentmindedly, typing on her computer. 

“Are you sure?” ‘Cause she’s prettier than you,” Thor replies with a shrug. 

Wanda pauses. “That’s a very rude thing to say, Thor,” she says slowly. 

You almost laugh at the idea that anyone could ever come near Wanda’s beauty. 

Thor purses his lips and nods, leaving Wanda alone. 

You figure that now is a good time to give Wanda the banana bread you had gotten her this morning after Thor’s comment. Grabbing the dessert from your bag, you walk up to her desk with a small smile on your face.  

“So, what did Thor want?” you ask, knowing the answer already since Thor was anything but soft-spoken. Plus, your desk was only a couple of feet away from hers. 

Wanda scoffs. “Apparently I should be jealous of the purse girl because she spices up the office more than I do.” 

“And are you jealous?” 

“What? No! Of course not.” 

You laugh. “Yeah right, Maximoff. I can see the crinkle you get when you’re upset about something.” 

“I do not have a crinkle.” Wanda leans back and crosses her arms with a pout. 

Your eyes soften at how cute she looks. 

“Fine,” you back down. “But anyways, if you are upset, I did get you something.”

Wanda’s head perks up in curiosity. “What did you get me?” 

You place the white paper bag on her desk. “I may have stopped by that cafe you like this morning and gotten you your favorite dessert.” 

Wanda sits up slightly, peeking into the bag. Once she sees the delectable banana bread she loves so much, a wide smile breaks out on her face. 

“Thank you,” she says softly. 

“Anytime,” you respond, giving her a small wink as you turn around to walk back to your desk. “And by the way.” You stop to look back at her. “No one could ever match how beautiful you are.” You give her a comforting smile before heading back. 

Wanda bites her lip slightly as she watches you get back to work. 

***

“Hey, I’ve got an idea.” Tony knocks on the conference room door to get Valkyrie’s attention. 

“What’s that?” Valkyrie asks, reorganizing the purses slightly on the table. 

“Why don’t I introduce you around? You know, you can kind of get your foot in the door, meet potential clients, stuff like that? Come on.” Tony grabs Valkyrie’s hand as he starts to lead her out of the room. 

“Um, I would love to, but I really shouldn’t leave my purses alone-” 

“Oh! No problem, we can get Peter to watch them. Peter!” Tony calls for the intern. 

“Yes, Mr. Stark?” Peter calls back from the kitchen. 

“Will you watch the purses in the conference room please?” Tony says. 

“Oh, yeah, yeah, of course, no problem!” Peter replies, already sprinting out of the kitchen to go watch the purses. 

“Good kid,” Tony says to Valkyrie who nods in response. “You know, you should sell a lot here.” He says as he leads her through the various areas of the office. “This branch actually made over a million dollars last year.” 

“Wow, that’s impressive,” Valkyrie answers, waving at the people the two of them pass by. 

“Yeah, I know,” Tony brags. “Not that we’re all millionaires though, you know. I’m probably the closest so.” He chuckles.  

“Oh, cool,” Valkyrie replies, feeling slightly uncomfortable. 

“Yup, that’s what we do here at Shield Industries. Oh, here’s Bruce!” Tony introduces a brown-haired man who’s on a call in the break room. “What’s up, Bruce?” Tony punches Bruce’s arm playfully. 

“Tony, I’m on a phone call,” Bruce replies, putting the phone to his shoulder. 

“Yeah, yeah, whatever, man,” Tony responds, leading Valkyrie to another section of the office. 

***

“So, Y/N, what do you think of the purse girl?” Vision asks you, chewing a bit of his pizza. 

Wanda had invited you to eat lunch with her and Vision, and while you would rather do anything other than have a meal with the girl you were in love with and her fiance, you couldn’t say no to her no matter how hard you tried. 

“Cute, sure, yeah,” you responded, taking a bite of your sandwich. You had told Wanda about your sexuality two years after you had met her, and you assume that the word got out to Vision somehow. 

Little did you know it was because Tony overheard your confession in the break room and despite his lackluster demeanor 90% of the time, he was awful at keeping secrets. 

“Why don’t you get on that?” Vision suggests. 

“Mm, she’s not really my type,” you say, shaking your head and taking a sip of your water. 

“What, you’re not gay anymore?” 

“Vision!” Wanda slaps his arm in shock. “Sorry, Y/N,” she apologizes to you on his behalf. 

“It’s fine, Wanda,” you assure. “I don’t think so, no,” you respond to Vision’s question. 

“Well, what is your type then?” Thor asks from behind you, who had come in to grab his lunch from the fridge. 

You ponder for a moment. “Uh, moms…primarily. Soccer moms, single moms, NASCAR moms. Any type of mom, really.” 

“That’s disgusting,” Vision scoffs. 

“Stay away from my mom,” Thor says as he starts to leave the kitchen.

“Too late, Thor,” you respond, taking another sip of your water. 

Suddenly, you all hear the clack of heels approach, and the three of you turn your head to see Valkyrie walk past you all. 

Vision’s mouth parts slightly as he watches her exit the room. “Man, I would be all over that if I wasn’t dating Wanda,” he tells you, pointing at the doorway where Valkyrie just left. 

Wanda’s stomach drops. 

“Vision,” she states angrily, making him glance down at her. “We’re not dating, we’re engaged.” 

“Engaged, yeah,” he replies nonchalantly with a shrug. 

Wanda scoffs as she drops her fork into her food and storms out of the kitchen, slamming the door shut with a thud. 

Vision rolls his eyes as he takes another bite of his pizza. 

***

“She’d be perfect for you,” you tell Sam, the two of you observing Valkyrie through the conference room window. Truthfully, you didn’t believe an ounce of what you were feeding him. Wanda was still upset after what Vision had said earlier, so you were setting up a prank against Sam in hopes of making her feel better. 

“Mm, she’s been talking to Tony a lot,” Sam says bitterly as he crosses his arms together. 

“So what?” you say as you face him. “You’re assistant regional manager.” 

“Assistant to the regional manager,” Sam corrects you with a frown. 

“Well, you know what, Sam? Sometimes, you’ve just got to go for it. And by the way, Tony’s just your work boss, ok? He is not your relationship boss.” 

“That’s true,” Sam nods. 

“Plus, you have so much more in common with this girl than Tony does. You’re both, um, salesmen,” you point out. “I mean that’s something to talk about right there.” 

“True,” Sam’s eyes widen in realization. “Plus, I could talk to her about the origins of my last name!”

“It’s all gold,” you say, emphasizing your point with a wave of your hand. “But here’s the thing.” You beckon Sam closer with a finger. “Even if it goes horribly wrong, you just keep talking to her, alright? If you hit a stall, you have a perfect fallback.” 

“What’s that?” he asks. 

“You buy a purse,” you instruct. 

“I don’t want a purse, purses are for girls,” Sam says, recoiling slightly. 

“Sam, that’s not necessarily true.” You shake your head. 

Sam scoffs. 

“Do you read GQ?” you ask. 

“No,” he mutters, looking away. 

“That’s fine, I do. They’re like mini briefcases, alright? Lots of guys have ‘em.” 

“Really?” he asks incredulously. “Like those?” He points to the purses through the window. 

“Yes!” you confirm. 

“I don’t know..” 

“Listen,” you get his attention. “You are spending way too much time talking to me when you could be talking to her.” You point to Valkyrie over your shoulder. 

“Okay, fine,” Sam agrees, starting to stand up. “I’m just gonna use the bathroom then-” 

“No, you don’t need the bathroom, alright?” you cut him off, standing up as well. “You’ve got this, Sam. Go for it.” You shove him gently in the direction of the conference room. 

You watch him go in until he can no longer see you, and you smile as you run in the direction of Wanda’s desk. 

“Okay, shh, stop.” You run around Wanda’s desk, gently pulling the phone away from her ear and hanging up the call she’s on. Wanda looks up at you curiously. “Stop whatever you’re doing ‘cause this is gonna be good,” you say as you stand behind Wanda’s chair and swivel it around so she has a clear view of the conference room. 

“What did you do?” Wanda asks suspiciously, a smile starting to appear on her face. 

“You’ll see,” you whisper. 

Once you see Sam start to talk, you begin your imitation. “Hi, my name is Sam Wilson and I would like to buy a purse from you,” you mock in a high-pitched voice. “Good Lord, look at these purses! This is something special.” Wanda giggles. “Oh my God, is this Salvatore Daccini Pa….sta,” you say as you see Sam pick up a random purse. 

“Oh, definitely, definitely step in and out of it like that,” Wanda imitates Valkyrie as you both see Sam step in and out of the purse’s strap. 

“Yes, well I want to stress test it,” you continue your impression. “You know, in case anything happens.” 

Wanda smiles widely as she looks at you. 

“Oh!” you both remark, the two of you struggling to hold in your laughter as you see Sam smack the purse against the table. 

“That was really- this is necessary to do to really give it a good workout,” you say in your high-pitched voice. “This is the– ooh. This is the prettiest one of them all,” you mimic as you see Sam pick up another purse. “I’m gonna be the prettiest girl in the ball. Oh, how much?” you break as you finally start to laugh. 

“Oh, god, it’s sad, it’s so sad,” Wanda remarks with a shake of her head. 

“Yeah,” you say through your laughter. “Oh, here he comes,” you inform her as you see Sam slowly start to walk out of the conference room. 

He turns to give you a thumbs up and you give him one in response as well as mouthe some encouraging words. Sam smirks confidently as he struts back to his desk, the strap of his brand-new hung nicely over his shoulder. 

“He did pick a good one,” you tell Wanda with a smile as you look over to observe Sam’s new handbag. 

“You’re horrible,” Wanda giggles as she looks up at you. 

***

“So, how was that coffee from earlier?” Tony asks Valkyrie as he enters the conference room once more. 

“It was good,” she responds with a small smile. 

“Ah, I knew it,” Tony smirks. “I make the best coffee. Hey, can I show you something?” 

Valkyrie nods. 

“Great, I know you are gonna like this.” He starts to lead her towards his office. “Picked it up today for 1000 big ones.” 

He opens the door for her to enter. 

Valkyrie’s eyes widen as she sees the huge coffee machine set on Tony’s desk. “Um, Tony, you spent 1000 dollars on a new coffee machine just today?” 

“Yep,” he brags with a large grin. “They call it a Digital Barista. It’s the absolute best of the best of the espresso maker variety.” 

Valkyrie laughs awkwardly. “Wow, is that for the office?” 

“Oh, I know what you’re thinking.” Tony points a finger at her. “You’re not prying this out of my hands,” he jokes. “But hey, give it a shot and maybe I’ll give it to you.” 

“Oh, I wouldn’t dream of it,” Valkyrie answers with a shake of her head. Suddenly, she feels her phone buzz with a new message. Opening it, her brows furrow as she sees the content of the message that was sent. 

“Hey, what’s going on?” Tony asks, seeing her expression. 

Valkyrie looks up. “Oh, nothing, just, my ride bailed on me,” she says. 

“Oh, god! I’m so sorry,” Tony says rather passionately. “That sucks. Um, where you going? Nearby? Because I could give you a ride, you know?” 

“No, no, that’s ok, I don’t wanna inconvenience you and I can just take a Taxi–” 

“No, no, no, it’s not an inconvenience at all!” Tony cuts Valkyrie off. “I mean, I’m out of here at 5:00 sharp, and plus, I am the boss,” he says with his hand at the side of his mouth as if he were telling a secret. “I can go even earlier! Like, whatever, out of here…slaves.” He laughs. 

“Well, I guess that would be ok,” Valkyrie accepts unsurely. 

“Really?” Tony grins. “Well, awesome! 5:00 sharp, I will give you and your purses a ride home, sound good?” 

“Yeah, sounds great,” Valkyrie says as she leaves Tony’s office, grimacing slightly on her way out. 

***

“So did we get any mail?” Tony asks Wanda who sits across from him at his desk. 

“Yeah, I gave it to you,” she responds with a nod of her head. 

“Right, just checking. Just double checking,” Tony says. 

“So can I–” Wanda points to the door over her shoulder. 

“Oh, yeah,” Tony responds, letting her go. “Oh, wait, Wanda, one more thing,” he says as Wanda starts to get up out of her chair. 

Wanda pauses to hear his question. 

“How do girls your age feel about futons?” 

***

“A futon?” you ask Wanda who laughs as she leans against your desk. “Oh my god, he’s a grown man.” 

“That’s what he said,” she says, trying to stifle her laughter.

“That’s sad. That’s so sad,” you say, shaking your head and Wanda giggles. “Or it’s innovative. You know, the futon is a bed and couch all rolled into one.” You twirl your index fingers around each other to imitate a rolling motion. 

Unfortunately, your moment with the receptionist is soon interrupted as you look up to see Vision on his way to talk to Wanda. You sit up sharply, starting to type on your computer as you get back to work. 

“What’s up?” he greets her with his hands in his jacket pockets. 

“Hi,” she replies, keeping her eyes on the ground. 

“Are you still mad at me?” he asks wearily. 

“Vision…” she sighs. 

“Come on,” he says as he starts to tickle her abdomen. 

You bite the inside of your cheek.  

Wanda turns her upper body away slightly. “Cut it out,” she says. 

“Come on, are you mad at me?” he continues, starting to make Wanda jerk in various directions. 

“Stop it,” she responds, but giving in slightly as her voice becomes less stern. 

“Are you still mad at me?” he says in a loving voice. 

“Cut it out,” she replies, though a smile is beginning to appear on her face. 

“Are you mad at me now?” he teases, grinning as she starts to laugh fully. 

“Stop!” she says through her laughs. 

“Huh? Come on,” he continues, tickling her harder and making her giggle even more. “Come on, Wands,” he prompts playfully as she keeps laughing uncontrollably. 

“Stop, I can’t breathe!” Wanda musters out, still jerking around. 

You sigh as you get up from your chair, deciding it’s probably best to leave the couple alone. 

“I was just kidding! You know I didn’t mean it,” you hear him say with a smile. 

You put your hands in your pockets as Wanda continues to laugh with her fiance. 

***

You tap your foot anxiously on the floor, bored out of your mind since Wanda went out with Vision on her break. Swiveling around in your chair, you pause as you see Valkyrie on her own in the conference room. 

Maybe you should go and talk to her? 

You bite your lip slightly, deciding maybe it was time for you to make a new friend in the office. 

But no one could ever beat Wanda. 

Against your better judgement, you decide it might be fun to go and talk to her. Taking a deep breath, you stand up from your chair and head in her direction. 

You knock on the door, making Valkyrie look up at you. 

“Hi,” you say, entering the room with a smile. 

“Hi,” Valkyrie responds, matching your tone. 

“I’m Y/N, by the way,” you hold out your hand for her to shake. 

“I’m Valkyrie,” she nods, shaking your outstretched hand. 

“Hi, Valkyrie, nice to meet you,” you say in a friendly manner. 

“Yeah, you too. You sit out there don’t you?” Valkyrie points to your desk through the window. 

“Yes, I do. That’s what I’m best known for,” you joke slightly, making her let out a small laugh. “Alright, let’s talk about purses then.” You drum your fingers on the table in front of you. 

“Okay, um..” She starts to point at the purses on the table. 

“Oh, wait, Valkyrie, but you know what?” you interrupt, causing her to look up at you. “Don’t try to sell me one. Okay, seriously? ‘Cause I’m just here to learn,” you say earnestly before a small smirk breaks out on your face.

“Okay,” Valkyrie nods with a laugh. 

“So, I know about most of these, but..” 

***

“What’s up?” you ask Wanda who leans against your desk. 

“I’m bored,” Wanda responds, giving you a grin. 

“Thank you for choosing me,” you reply amusingly as she laughs. 

“No, I’m kidding,” Wanda says. “So, have you got any plans this weekend?” 

“Uh, well, I think I’m gonna see Valkyrie,” you respond, shrugging your shoulders. 

Wanda’s smile falters slightly. 

“Really?” she asks. 

“Yeah,” you confirm. 

“What are you guys gonna do?” 

“Oh, man, I don’t know,” you sigh. “Uh, dinner, drinks, movie, matching tattoos…” you say the last one with a cheeky smile. 

Wanda chuckles at your joke. 

“Well, that’s great,” she nods, unsure of what the uncomfortable feeling in her chest might be. 

“Yeah, big stuff,” you agree, swiveling around slightly in your chair and pausing for a moment. “What are you up to this weekend?” 

“Oh, um,” Wanda ponders a bit. “I think we’re gonna help Vis’ cousin move.” 

“Okay,” you nod. 

“‘Cause Vis has a truck,” she finishes. 

“That’s cool, that’s really cool, Wanda,” you tell her. 

“Uh-huh. Yes,” Wanda says, suddenly feeling very awkward. 

“But I’ll see you Monday, though, right?” you ask, drumming your fingers at your side. 

“Yeah, uh, you know what? I think I’m gonna head back now,” Wanda says as she stands up, pointing to her desk over her shoulder. 

“Oh, okay. No problem,” you respond with a small smile. 

Wanda nods, turning around and heading back to her workplace. 

Sitting back down, she sighs as she tries to decipher what the uneasy feeling within her might be. 

***

 “Good night, Y/N,” Tony says as he walks next to you and Valkyrie in the parking lot. 

“Good night Tony,” you reply, tossing your car keys up and down. 

“Where you headed?” he asks you. 

“I don’t know, probably grab a drink, I think,” you answer, pointing towards you and Valkyrie. 

“With us?” Tony inquires, stopping in his place as his brows furrow in confusion. 

“Oh shoot, I, um, I probably should have told you. But I don’t need a ride now ‘cause Y/N can take me home after,” Valkyrie tells Tony with an apologetic look.  

“Oh, okay, great,” Tony replies, but you can tell that he feels a bit dejected. 

“Yeah, um, I’m sorry, Tony,” you apologize. 

“No, no worries.” He shakes his head. “Hope you have fun, you two,” he says trying to hide his disappointment. 

Tony starts to turn away, and you frown as you watch his dejected posture. 

“Have a good night, Tony!” you call out, checking to make sure he’s ok. 

“Yeah, you too!” he calls back, though you hear a hint of frustration in his voice.  

“Do you think he’ll be alright?” Valkyrie asks at your side. 

“Yeah, I hope so. If he’s still sad by Monday, I’ll bake him some cupcakes or something,” you respond, grabbing her bags and nodding your head in the direction of your car. 

You start to lead the two of you to your vehicle. “Wow, a baker, huh?” Valkyrie inquires with a smile as she follows your step. 

“Well, I got a lot of free time on my hands,” you respond, opening up your trunk and placing her bags in after moving a couple of your things. 

You don’t notice Vision’s car pull up behind you with Wanda in the passenger seat, immediately sitting up straight as she watches you curiously through the window. 

“All right, I’m gonna warn you. Don’t freak out, okay?” you say to the girl next to you as you shut the trunk. 

“Why?” Valkyrie inquires with a tilt of her head. 

“Well, this is a really nice car,” you say as you walk backward, leading Valkyrie toward the passenger side of your sedan. “In case you haven’t noticed, this is a Corolla, okay?” 

“It’s a very nice car,” Valkyrie compliments with a small laugh. 

Wanda’s sure she wants to slap Valkyrie across the face. 

“So you’re not gonna freak out?” you ask, opening the door for Valkyrie to enter. 

Valkyrie shakes her head with a smile as she sits down in your red vehicle. 

Vision starts to drive away, and Wanda continues to watch the two of you until you disappear from her sight. 

part 7

[sporesmoldandfungi]

The List - Jim Halpert x F!Reader Smut

A/N : This is an AU where Pam marries Roy and leaves Scranton. Reader takes over her position as receptionist. This is loosely inspired off the PDA episode from Season 7. I pictured S2-S3 Jim when I wrote this.

Working a dead end office job had its perks. Very few, but there were some to name. Being able to sneakily play solitaire throughout the day. The fun albeit ridiculous parties thrown by Michael. But by far the best thing about working in reception at Dundler Mifflin was Jim Halpert.

His desk being merely a few feet away from yours gave you every opportunity to sneak glances at the handsome salesman. Out of all the hobbies you had, sneakily eye fucking Jim Halpert was your favorite one. You loved the way his arms flexed whenever he leaned back in his chair. The way his head gently tilted back, revealing his neck and small stubble. The way his floppy brown hair swooped over his forehead, perfectly framing his face. But he was Jim, and you were you.

You and Jim were complete opposites. He was a natural leader, taking charge of the office whenever Michael was out. He was charming, friendly, funny, kind, you could go on and on. He was so much, so much and you felt little in comparison.

You’d only been working at Dunder Mifflin for a few months, taking over once the previous receptionist tied the knot with a certain warehouse worker. You had kept to yourself mostly, still trying to get a read on everyone. When you first started, you’d sworn Jim was stealing glances at you, making you all the more hopeful he would come to his senses and be with you. After that, you two had become inseparable. Being partners in crime, confidantes, friends. You prayed it would turn in to something more. It was only when Phylis revealed that Jim used to harbor a crush on the previous receptionist and was mostly likely staring at you out of habit, did your hopes crush.

After that, you two rarely spoke, only when about work related things. You didn’t sit together in conference meetings anymore, silently laughing to each other at Michael’s ridiculousness. You didn’t eat lunch together anymore, letting Jim pick off your plate while he let you sip on his grape soda. It was almost like you were strangers.

So, when Michael called another needless conference meeting, you thought nothing of it. You filed into the room, following the long train of people. The seats quickly filled, leaving only one open next to him, next to Jim. You swallowed hard and quietly sat next to you, smoothing out the material of your black skirt. He offered you a polite smile.

That bastard. You thought to yourself.

You gave one back, a litter faker than his but still with nice undertones. You both looked ahead as Michael began rambling about PDA in the office. This caused Dwight to read aloud a list of everyone who had in some way done PDA in the office. He went down the long list of people, the only two names he didn’t list were yours and Jim’s.

Jim nudged your shoulder, making you turn away from the unfolding scene. He gave you a look of disbelief and shook his head in amazement, a quiet chuckle leaving his lips. You involuntarily smiled back, shaking your head along with him. So easily, you fell back into your usual rhythm with him.

He leaned over, speaking in a voice only you could hear. “Are you seeing this? Or am I dreaming?”

“Not a dream, Halpert. Unless you want me to pinch you.” you joked, moving your fingers in a pinching motion in front of his face.

He laughed and pushed your hands away gently. “Man, out of all the inappropriate things that has happened in this room, this meeting takes the cake.”

“I wouldn’t be to sure about that. From the sound of it, everyone else has done it in here already.” You joked, earning a disgusted looking face out of him.

You laughed at his stupid expression. Damn it, why is it so easy to like Jim Halpert? Why can’t he be more of a jerk?

Toby quickly ended the meeting before any more HR violations could be made. The rest of the office quickly left the room and went back to their desks. Michael and Dwight went into his office, no doubt trying to hatch some plan to fight back against PDA.

You rose from your seat next to Jim’s and smiled at him. He stood next to you, practically towering over you. He returned your smile and looked down at you softly. “I’ve missed you, Y/N. Where’ve you been?”

You felt the guilt rush into your system at the vulnerability in his face. You shrugged and honestly said to him, “I don’t know.”

He nudged your shoulder softly and gave you a more friendly smile. “Well, don’t do it again. As your superior, that’s an order.” He said, waving his finger in front of your face with fake authority.

“Aye, aye captain.” you responded, fake saluting him.

You shared a quiet laugh before following the train of people out the door, both of you returning to your respective desks.

The rest of the day was somewhat normal compared to previous. You and Jim ate together at lunch again. You didn’t realize how much you missed the taste of grape soda until you snuck a few sips from his can again. He frequently came up to reception, snacking on the candies as you two caught up with each other.

It was nearing four o’clock when he came back up to your desk. Leaning down, popping a M&M in his mouth, watching you type a memo for Michael.

“I still can’t believe it.” he said, breaking the silence.

You paused your typing and looked up into his hazel eyes. “Believe what?”

“That everyone has been getting it on in here. It’s disgusting!” He joked, popping another candy into his mouth.

You shrugged, “I don’t know, I kinda get it.”

He looked shocked and shook his head. “What do you mean? Why would anyone wanna hook up in the office?”

“Well, it’s kinda erotic. Sitting at a desk, knowing that no one else knows what you’ve done it. Well, except for you and him. I get the appeal.” you said, a blush creeping up to your cheeks.

Jim smirked and looked at you in disbelief, “Man, I didn’t know you had such a dirty side to you, Y/N.”

You leaned forward, close enough to him that you could smell his cologne fan off his skin. Newfound confidence and boldness grew in you as you spoke, “Well, there’s a lot of things you don’t know about me, Halpert.”

His smirk faltered for a moment, surprised at the sudden shift in the conversation. He regained it quickly, moving in closer, his lips hovering inches above yours. “You’ll have to show me sometime.”

And with that, he popped another candy in his mouth, stuck his hands in the front pockets of his slacks and walked back to his desk.

You sat there in shock for a brief moment. What the hell was that? Where did that sudden confidence come from? And was Jim seriously flirting back? Maybe you were the one dreaming. You tried shaking it off, returning to typing the memo.

Before you could get two words in, you see an IM pop up on your screen. It was from Jim. You looked over your desk to see that he looked normal, drumming his fingers against his desk as he worked. You took a breath before opening it.

Jim : You look a little red over there, something on your mind?

Your eyes reread the passage over and over, still sneaking glances at him when you could. He still sat in his chair, looking as bored as ever. Not at all like he was flirting with you over IM. You took a deep breath before replying.

Y/N : I’d bet you’d like to know.

You watched as Jim leaned forward, obviously reading the message. He looked over to you, catching you in the act of staring at him. He smirked when he saw the pink flutter back up your cheeks. You watched as he quickly typed a response, the message appearing on your desktop within seconds.

Jim : Pretend there’s something wrong with your computer.

You looked confused. What the hell does that have to do with anything? You looked over at him and he just nodded, leaning back in his chair slightly. You took a deep breath and groaned loud enough to get the attention of a couple of people.

“Damn it!” You mumbled, pretending to struggle with a loose wire behind the monitor.

Jim stood up, casually walking over. “What’s up?” He said, loud enough for others to hear.

Once they saw he was helping with whatever problem your computer was having, anyone who saw the interaction went back their work, leaving you two in silence.

“I-“ you said, trying to think of a lie.

He leaned close down and whispered a fake lie for you to say in your ear. You repeated it loudly, playing along with whatever game he was playing.

“Well, I could probably fix that for you. But I’ll need to check under your desk. Mind if I poke around down there?” He asked.

You reluctantly nodded, still having no idea what he was up to. You watched as he smirked, walking around the desk and meeting your side. He slowly sunk on the ground, his body now covered by the large desk. You looked down and watched as he settled in between your legs, no where near the computer he claimed to be fixing. You opened your mouth to ask him what the hell he was doing, but was cut off with a gasp at the feeling of his hands slowly traveling up your legs.

You quickly covered up the sound with a cough, averting any attention it may have gotten. Once you finished, you leaned down, ducking your head low so you could talk to Jim without anyone hearing.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?!” you whispered at him.

“Well, I’m simply fulfilling a request. You were the one who said having sex in the office was hot. I’m simply following orders, Y/N.” He said, smirking. The feeling of his hands traveling closer and closer to your thighs burned into your skin. You clenched them, refusing him entrance. He looked up at you and shook his head in disapproval. “We can do this the easy way or the hard way, Y/N. It’s your call.”

You weighed your options, looking down at the image of Jim, smirking between your legs. On one hand, you had dreamed of this day the second you laid eyes on him. On the other, this was not the place you imagined it happening. The idea of him eating you out with everyone around, with anyone being able to spot it, made your stomach twist with delight. You looked down, seeing the impatient look on his face. You took a deep breath and parted your legs slowly for him.

“Good girl.” he whispered, his voice low and dripping with sex.

You almost let out a moan at the sound, but you bit your lip to suppress it. You sunk in your chair, hiding your face behind your monitor trying to relish the feeling of his hands going up your skirt. Your eyes fluttered close as you felt his index finger trace the outline of your panties. You were almost certain he could see the damp spot forming on them, getting wetter with each touch. His finger just about went under the waistband, but the phone rang, interrupting it. You looked down at him with wide eyes, silently asking him what to do.

“Answer it.” he ordered, looking up at you with hooded eyes.

You nodded and breathed a sigh of relief when you felt his hand leave the threshold of your panties.

“Dunder Mifflin, this is-“

Your words cut off in your throat as you feel Jim’s lips place a chaste kiss to your clothed pussy. You jerked in your seat, your knees hitting the desk as you reacted to the feeling. You feel him smirk against your panties as you try to find the words again.

You clear your throat before speaking, “Dunder Mifflin, this is Y/N.”

The sound of the person on the other line merely go in ear and out the other. Your mind is only focused on the feeling of Jim’s tongue, licking a long stripe up your clothed heat. You try your hardest to focus on the words going in your ear, and push back the feelings of pleasure Jim was giving you. You were almost succeeding until you feel his index finger slide under the side of your panties and tease your hole, covering itself in your arousal. If that wasn’t enough, his words made it impossible to hear a single word coming from the phone.

“Jesus, you’re fucking soaked. I haven’t even done anything yet.” he said.

You let out a small whine at his words. Quickly trying to salvage the noise as it leaves your lips, you cough loudly. Apologizing the to person on the phone, you continue speaking, your voice wavering as Jim continues teasing you, his finger just covering itself in your dripping pussy.

As the man on the phone starts to ramble about prices, you have to bite your hand to repel the moan that’s about to leave your mouth as you feel Jim shove his fingers into your tight hole, curling upward as he does.

As you make ‘mhm’s and ‘uhuh’s at the man’s words, you squeeze around Jim’s fingers. You take a quick glance down, locking eyes with Jim as he pumps his fingers in and out of you at an agonizing pace. You pout your bottom lip, silently begging him to speed up. He smirks and mimics your pout, enjoying the needy look on your face.

“So, do you think you guys can cut me a deal?” the man on the phone asks.

You open your mouth speak and cry out as you feel Jim increase his speed immensely, his thumb toying with your swollen clit as he does.

“Yes!” you moan into the phone, earning to strange glances from your coworkers. You struggle to compose yourself, fighting urge to scream your head off in pleasure. “Y-Yes. We can.”

“You’re so fucking tight, I can feel you gripping my fucking fingers.” Jim say quietly, kissing your thigh.

The man on the phone asks to be transferred to sales, surprisingly sold on purchasing paper from you, despite the strange phone call. You frantically type in someone’s extension, saying a quick goodbye before hanging up the phone. Using your free hand, you use it to grip Jim’s hair, your fingers tangling themselves in his brown locks. You hear him moan at the feeling, his lips sending vibrations against your thigh. You feel the coil in your stomach tighten more and more, threatening to snap at any second. Your hand digs into Jim’s hair tighter, feeling like if you let go of him, you’ll lose this feeling.

“Jesus, are you already gonna cum?” He groans, looking up at you from your thighs.

You sneak a glance at him and nod fervently, afraid to answer him without moaning.

He groans quietly in response, ducking his head down once more. His fingers increase in speed and go deeper if that was even possible. You feel them graze against your g-spot, making your head roll back in response, your eyes screwing shut.

You chase the feeling of your climax, feeling it approaching closer and closer. As if he can read your mind, Jim pulls aside your panties more, granting his mouth access to your pussy. He removes his thumb on your clit and replaces it with his mouth, licking and sucking on the swollen nub. You don’t even have to warn him, you feel yourself cumming before you know it. Your pussy squeezes around his fingers as he helps you ride out your orgasm. It washes over you like a tidal wave. It takes all your strength and willpower to not let out the almost pornographic moan threatening to leave your lips.

You sit in your chair, breathless and dripping. You feel his fingers leave your entrance, whining quietly at the feeling. He takes a long lick up your pussy, licking up the mess you made. He gently fixes your panties and skirt before rising. Your cum glistening on his chin, dripping down his jaw. He sits up, wiping his mouth before casually saying, “Should be working a lot better now.”

You watch in disbelief as he walks back to his desk. It takes you a few moments to compose yourself, but once you do, you only have one thought on your mind.

You’re now determined to return the favor.

[viktoriaashleyyx]

Why do some of us not *hate* Tamlin?

I am pro-tamlin, not pro feylin. I would prefer Tamlin to never have to deal with the NC ever again. If SJM never types his name out again I will be happy.

Tw: light mentions to DV, SA, and Divorce.

Feyre is written in a way that makes it feel like she is intentionally manipulating us against Tamlin to justify her leaving him the way she did, and to put Rhysand up on a pedestal.

The abrupt and sloppy way SJM handled Tamlins' character assassination induced my fight or flight. Let me explain:

My parents divorced when I was 4, and I had to learn, quickly, how to interpret people's true intentions and empathize with where they are coming from vs just blindly listening to someones account of what happened. My father got custody of us and would use the same elements against my mom that Feyre uses against Tamlin. I HAVE to read between the lines or I would fall to the intentional manipulation.

"She left me so she probably cheated" "he trapped me in the house" "she has a new boyfriend so she doesn't care about you anymore" "he hit me [when I was actively TRYING to get him to hit me to sway public opinion of him]"

Everytime Feyre left for the NC, she did so kicking and screaming. Every indication Tamlin could see was that she did NOT want to go with Rhys, until he gets a letter from her saying to not come looking for her that she doesn't want to be with him. Tamlin didn't know she could read or write. Had that been my love I would assume it was a ransom note too, written by someone else. Had she actually spent 1 hr winnowing to Tamlin, tell him face to face, then winnow back (with an escort) he MIGHT have gotten the hint.

A tithe was a weird thing to use to show how cruel Tamlin is, considering how 2/3 of the night court live in constant fear, children's bones are broken for misbehaving, the CoN are trapped there. SJM really showed us that she has no political knowledge what so ever. I barely started ACOFAS and when Feyres talking about the unnatural sum of her money, my first thought is "You don't amass that level of wealth without oppressing someone." Lucien said that Tamlin would be expected to hunt down those not able to pay the tithe, but when we get to Tamlins actual actions he just said "get it together in 3 days or pay double next time". In my initial reading, I interpreted it as another mask (like how Rhysand acts). Tamlin does this due to tradition, he is expected to act a certain way, but *I felt* he had no intention of acting out what he said. It was just a line he was expected to say to send the wraith away without others expecting the same.

Feyre and Tamlin were not right for eachother because they were not eachothers mates. People can exist fine separately, and be incredibly toxic together. From page 1 we see Feyres inherent inability to empathize with anyone, she has it bad, she has to hunt, therefore her sisters don't do anything. But she also can't cook, so who was preparing the meat she brought home? It gave me "housework isn't real work" vibes. Feyre also doesn't communicate very well, which would explain why a literal mind reader was able to help her better than Tamlin was. I saw Tamlin trying but not being able to help her because he couldn't read her mind.

Feyre didn't want to be trapped in a manor for a few hours while she was displaying manic behavior, but she condoned her sisters be trapped in the HOW for 6 weeks immediately after losing their lives. She condones the treatment of the people in Hewn city and supports the literal Jim Crow laws placed against them in Velaris when all they wanted was to leave. She condones and supports trapping Nesta in HoW after the war just to force Cassain on her so Feyre can play matchmaker.

Feyre is an inherently self centered sociopath. She can read minds and still can't develop a shred of empathy.

Just leave Tamlin alone. Damn.

[affixjoy]

Here’s a list of all my Star Trek fics!

Spirk

Wanna be the one that you want to see aka the Spirk sex tropes one. My most popular Trek fic on ao3 and one I’m particularly proud of!

Spectacles painted with my shaking hand aka the one with the oranges and sexy oil

I thought I saw you smile aka the snw body swap fic

We need disposable towels in the gym aka my funniest fic, the one where the Enterprise HR has to deal with ALL the sex happening on board.

Risks and Rewards aka the one with the unstoppable spontaneous orgasms

And Stars May Collide aka my very self indulgent fic where Spirk lives through the movie Moulin Rouge due to alien dream bullshit

Spock vs the IT guy aka Spock feuds with the IT guy and finally hooks up with Kirk

The Upside of Rumors aka the one where the crew makes spreadsheets and bets over where Spock and Kirk are together

And with one heart I reached for you aka the one where Sam’s ghost checks in on Spirk

Star Trek Drabbles aka 100 word warm up of Spirk

Strange New Dicks aka the one where Spock’s dick changes every chapter for Vulcan bonding purposes

McKirk

We both had a hand in it (you and me both kid) aka the one where Jim leaves a vibrator in Bones’ bed.

Hunt me down, catch in my throat, make me pray aka not even the hint of plot, this is only porn.

Spones

Nothing that shouldn’t have happened long ago aka what I think happened between Spock and Bones after the TOS episode All Our Yesterdays

Handle Me With Care aka the one where Bones has to remove his own appendix aka the one that was in the nsfw Sponeszine

McSpirk

A Most Fascinating Experience aka McSpirk pwp with a lot of dirty talk from Bones.

Sometimes a feeling is all we have to go on aka the one where Bones can’t come.

and yes I said yes I will Yes aka that time I decided to bring together mcspirk, Pon Farr, and that sexy capital Y from Molly Bloom’s soliloquy

Keep our minds on the sun of each other aka my aos McSpirk featuring some fun made up Vulcan meditation rituals for Spock to use to romance Bones.

A heart should always go one step too far aka voyeur Bones, possibly my steamiest fic?

Leap beyond logic aka the end of the TMP divorce era

Take me places I’ve never known aka snw era getting together, the one where Jim gets confused about what Spock’s genital situation is

You know we’ll have a good time then aka the one where Kirk and Spock get Joanna’s age VERY wrong

Spuhotty

Spock The Liar aka the one where Snw Spock hooks up with Uhura and Scotty, pure pwp

Amanda/Sarek

Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time aka Amanda and Sarek getting together fic, wip but will hopefully be done soon

[buggybambi]

Ooo hiii! Can I please request a Carmy x fem!reader where he proposes to her on Valentine’s Day? Ooo and maybe this is the au where she’s his assistant, and has been for years, and the staff is heavily involved in the proposal hehe

Also Richie making some joke about how this is some promotion she’s getting lmao

hope this is okay my love! i honestly had no idea i had an au where she's an assistant lmao! i also changed it a little bit, hope that's okay ♡ - wc: 1.02k | nav post - request guidelines | cw: fem!reader, mention of reader wearing a dress

"You're not seriously proposing, are you?" Richie asks Carmen as the two prepare the Beef for it's opening. Carmen lets out a sigh as he ties his apron behind his back. "And who the hell told you?" Carmen questions in return.

"Sugar did. You proposin' or what?" Richie repeats, as Carmen rolls his eyes. "Cousin, you are not to say a word about this to anyone, okay?" He lets out a long exhale. "I am. Tonight." Carmen confirms as Richie stares at him. "Oh my gosh, you're gonna marry your assistant. If only we had an HR that could have a field day with you."

"I'm basically HR, cousin." Carmy reminds as he walks over to Marcus. "Chef, how's it going?" He asks as he rubs his hands together. "I have got our Valentine's day treats prepped, and I even have a cake prepared for when you propose to your girl." Marcus grins as Carmen rolls his eyes. "Maybe Sugar is the one I should tell to shut up." He mumbles before he walks over to his station.

"So, any big plans for tonight?" He overhears Syd ask you as you and her handle cleaning one of the other stations. "None at all. Why is everyone asking me that today?" You laugh, a sound that he can't help but smile at, as you walk over to Marcus with the clipboard he assigned to you three years ago when you began working as his assistant.

It was Sugar really who gave him the idea of getting an assistant. She told him, "you're busy. You can't handle your own schedule or meetings, so hire someone to do it for you." She was the one to pick you out from a list of candidates, and from the moment he met you, he was in love with you.

But, in usual Carmen fashion, he took forever to get with you. Convincing himself you wouldn't feel the same way, that you wouldn't even want to be with him. Until you told him first that you loved him and had been in love with him. From there you two were kind of like the Jim and Pam of the Beef, at least that's what Sydney referred to you too as.

"Hi Marcus. Oh, cute treats." You greet with a smile as you lean against the wall by his station, clipboard resting face-up against your front. "What's with that cake?" You ask, looking at the clipboard for any orders that may have been placed.

"Uh, I asked him to make it. Pete and I's anniversary is coming up and we didn't save any of our wedding cake so I asked Marcus to recreate it." Nat swoops in, smiling at you. You nod slowly. "Right.. well, congrats on your anniversary, Sug." You say before you turn and walk over to Carmen.

"Hey you. Clear your calendar because I am setting up a date night for us." Carmen says as he leans on the counter, standing in front of you. "Mm. Can I ask what we're doing on this date night or is it a total surprise?" You ask.

"Total surprise. I'll pick you up at your place." He kisses you on the cheek before walking off. You laugh before going back to your clipboard filled with Carmen's list of activites and meetings for the day. ────

You sat on your sofa, the dress you first met Carmen in on you. You figured with it being Valentine's Day, the nostalgia of the first time you met him would be nice for the date night Carmy had planned.

A small knock from the front door, and you stood from your spot and walked over to answer it. Fixing your hair as you stood in front of the door for a second, you opened it, expecting to meet Carmen's eyes. Instead, you found him on one knee in front of you, one hand behind his back.

"I was going to do this at a restaraunt. Or on the sidewalk, or literally any-fucking-where else." He admits with a breathy laugh following. "But, I couldn't wait. I couldn't imagine myself doing this anywhere else and of course it's like me to do this at your front door on your welcome mat."

"I love you. I've loved you since I met you, and each day that passes I find myself falling more and more in love with you. You're my everything, you're my moon and stars- no, you're my fucking universe." He shakes his head, tears in his eyes. "And I can't imagine a world or my life without you there. I want you and I to build a life together. To have a family with you if that's what we find ourselves wanting." He smiles. "Will you make me the happiest man, even though you already have, make me an even happier man and marry me?"

As soon as he pulls the ring out you're already saying yes, practically dragging him up off the ground so you can kiss him. He slides the ring onto your finger before kissing you again. You pull away, laughing as you place a hand on his cheek. "Carm, I love you so much- was everyone else in on this!?" You ask through a laugh.

"They were. Sugar kept telling everyone, I'm shocked no one spilled." He laughs as well, wrapping his arms around you to hug you, burying his face in your neck. "Okay, seriously no Valentine's day will ever top this." You say.

────

It doesn't shock anyone when you show up to work the next day with the ring on your finger, and the story of him proposing on your doorstep doesn't shock anyone either. "Is this her getting a promotion?" Richie asks with a grin as you roll your eyes. "If we had an HR department I swear I'd file a report against you."

"You're technically marrying the HR department." Carmen says softly as you grin. "Hell yes I am." You place a kiss on his cheek. "Hey, now as your assistant I get to schedule your wedding." You note as he smiles, pressing his forehead against yours.

"Can't wait for it."

˙ ✩°˖🌸 ⋆｡˚꩜

thank you for reading! please feel free to engage with this post by reblogging, commenting or sliding into my inbox to leave feedback! i appreciate all of you! check out my nav post here for more fanfics!

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[aloneandforsakenbyfateandbyman]

Why is corporate culture so cult-like?? I always feel guilty to quit. Like a Jim Jones or Charles Manson suicide cult victim escaping the compound.

I think about making a LinkedIn, doing a course, going back to uni, coping that somehow there’s a job out there that isn’t soul sucking etc. Convincing myself to stay in my current job to “build my resume.” Awaiting that proverbial pat on the back, a good performance review, a raise, a positive reference, all those asinine wagecuck benchmarks. While still being permanently broke.

When I work, I’m different than the relaxed hippie I am while unemployed. Now, I’m once again addicted to grandiose purchases and shallow consumerism.

I fantasize about saving up for a rhinoplasty, botox, an electric car, lip injections, designer bags, jewelry, apple products, and so on. I end up spending $10 on bubble tea, then go home and sleep for 20 hrs after watching softcore p*rn movies from the 70s while living in my parents’ house at nearly 30.

Working ourselves to death to buy bimbo products, funding exotic escapist trips bc we’re unable to pay rent in any western metropolis, and unable to move to a bumpkin hick city bc there’s no jobs there and it’s too lame. Boomers judge us, but what option do we really have?

When I work, I feel like a programmed Heaven’s Gate cult member! I’m performing capitalism through my bodily movements. I’m part of the system until I quit once again and stop paying taxes. I guess it’s just the effects of the 5G and fluoride which are preventing us from releasing our inner Kaczynski!

[applestruda]

How do you draw things so fast and so pretty? The slime rancher stream barely just happened and you've already done something for it. It's amazing.

oh i mean the jim drawing still took me almost 3 hrs, I was just drawing basically the whole stream and then some. I also tend to draw fast bc i just skip some stages, like i jump from messy sketch to rendering, rather than doing any sort of lineart

[thaethiira]

Illithids and Gith are from the most batshit wackypants setting in D&D and you want me to believe I should take them super seriously and be afraid? Y'all talk about Lae'zel being from a very super srs grimdark place but you have to remember something real important about the Astral Sea: It's a B-movie.

it's where the illithids and gith come from but we also have giant hamsters, hippo people that all sound like blustery English explorers and love explosions, vampirates, jawas in the shape of rainbow penguins, and fuckin SPACE CLOWNS.

I'm sorry I can't take the idea that the illithids and gith are 'zomg so scary srs bznss' seriously because of ::gestures:: all of that.

This isn't Space designed by Lovecraft and HR Giger.

This is Space designed by Weird Al and Jim Henson.

[soranatus]

So this morning I was browsing the web, y’know? Out of curiosity, I was looking to see if there were any volumes or omnibuses of Captain Atom (1987) to buy, (I like physical copies). I stumble upon this website that claims to have it all (plus the annuals) in three volumes, with pictures taken:

And I’m really curious now, so I go to look at the rest of this website and apparently it’s two guys named Jim and Joel who are into bookbinding and buy individual issues of comics and bind them in these book covers that they make and ink to sell, from their private collection.

I’ve only been getting into comics the past few years and I generally know where to buy physical (and non-physical) books if I want to buy them, but I’ve never heard of these guys before and only stumbled on their website by chance. It seems legitimate and earnest, and I’m tempted to buy some of these books, which are a little pricey, but if what the website is saying is true, then the price stamp is understandable.

Here’s their website:

[gentlebeardsbarngrill]

04/17/24 Daily OFMD Recap

== Nathan Foad ==

More pictures of Nathan in Love's Labours Lost!

== Kay Buchanan ==

Our friendly neighborhood OFMD Master Leather Worker has more pictures for us! This time, maybe Black Pete's bag? Anyone know off hand?

SRC: Kay Buchanan's IG

== Taika ==

So these pictures are adorable, but be warned of a potential jump scare if you watch the rest of the video-- thank you @ofmd-ann for the awesome stills, I did NOT want to put the full video on here xD See her post here.

(via Ritas tiktok)

== Lesley Fucking Jones ==

== Vico Ortiz ==

Sneaky shot of Vico from behind <3 Img Src: @enbybruje's IG

== Dominic Burgess ==

Technically this would be Cats & Crew but I'll allow it because Dominic is such a friggn adorable cat dad and he deserves so much love for that.

Src: Dominic's Twitter

== Watch Parties ==

= Flight of the Conchords =

Bit of an adjustment at least on the RhysDarbyFaction discord server for FotC watch party, we'll be watching 3 episodes a piece Thursday and Friday so as not to run into the next week. Continues tomorrow with episodes 5, 6, 7, of season 2 at 4pm PT / 7 pm ET / 11pm BST

#FlagOfTheConchords

#OurFlagMeansDeath

= Palm Royal Season 1 =

A new watch party hosted by @lcwebsxoxo on twitter is up and running! Thursday Episodes 3 and 4 will be playing at 1 pm PT / 4 pm ET / 9 pm BST

#PalmRoyale

#OurFlagMeansDeath

#SaveOFMD

== Fan Spotlight ==

= Cast Cards =

Tonight's cast card features the other fisherman (Pedro Lope) that Stede robbed on his first "raid". We're gonna have a whole set of cards soon I can feel it @melvisik, thank you for these!

= TealOranges & Garlic Soup Week 2024!! =

Prompts are up for this years TealOranges & Garlic Soup Prompt Week! The week will run June 23-29, 2024 with themes and prompts for each day! This prompt week celebrates all things Jim/Oluwande and Archie/Jim/Oluwande/Zheng!

Plain Text for Prompts

Additional Information & FAQ

This Years AO3

== Love Notes ==

Hey there lovelies-- I've had 3 hrs sleep today so the words on the screen are starting to run together. I'm still getting love notes from yesterdays request, and thank you so much, I promise i'm catching up to the messages, you all are the best crew someone could ask for. Thank you for spreading some joy in this crazy ass world.

Tonight I would like to send a reminder that we have not lost OFMD, as so many of said, we still have 2 wonderful seasons, and those boyfriends are currently boinking their way into oblivion in their inn, making their poor customers insane. But beyond that... had a discussion today with multiple dear friends / crewmates that made me feel a lot better about the whole thing too. I know it's months in the gravy basket now, but this is not the end for OFMD. Chaos Dad told us it was over, but in all honesty it still doesn't feel over. WBD is driving itself into the ground, Dad's been off at the WBD lot, it feels like things are moving in a better direction again. It may not be today, or tomorrow, or even the next few months, or a year or so, but I think we still have a chance to see the ending of our story.

And we've all said it before, but it bears repeating, even if it never happens, we get to make it happen. Stede and Ed live on in all our crazy ranges of work out there, that so many of you have been just CRANKING out lately, I've been astonished at how much new work I've seen from folks in the the fandom I know, and new folks I haven't met! It's so inspiring to see OFMD affect people so much that they felt they could put little pieces of themselves out into the world through art of all mediums.

I hope I'm making sense at this point.. if not, sorry about that! But know-- there's always hope. There's always S1 and S2, and the infinite universes we get to dream up from those two.

Rest Well lovelies. Img Src: @Chucklesandbleu on IG

== Daily Darby / Tonight's Taika ==

Tonight's theme - Bowties!

Gifs Courtesy of @fandomsmeantheworldtome and @sam-reid!

[imagines--galore]

HIII can I ask for an imagine with Spock x a short fem reader who has a big chest and he gets jealous one day because Kirk keeps staring so Spock just straight up goes over and stands beside her (shocking a lot of people because they don’t know they are together) and holds her hand and it’s just super fluffy and soft

Sincerely your happy friendly 🐱 xoxo

Pairing: Spock x Reader Rating || Genres || Warnings: T. Romance. Fluff. None. A/N: GAH!!! Meeting someone who loves Spock as much as me is so rare!!!! And I loved writing this so much! :3 Thank you for the request!

If there was one thing you abhorred more then anything, it was sparring. It probably stemmed from the fact that most of your opponents were always bigger, taller and stronger then you were. Though you were quick on your feet, it still didn't make the situation any less daunting.

And as you faced-off against the Captain of your Ship, you couldn't help but feel that the universe was probably against you. At least for that day.

To encourage residents aboard the USS Enterprise to be familiar with varying degrees of strength and fighting techniques, the Captain had decided that everyone would benefit from a little friendly competition. The fight pairs were generated using the computer, so there was no chance of cheating, though you wished you had asked one of your more technology inclined friends to take your name off the roster.

Aboard such a big Starship, you doubted anyone would notice that you hadn't participated.

Now, here you were, lying flat on your back after Captain Kirk had managed to trip you over. Sweat lined your forehead, and your chest rose and fell in pants as you tried your best to regain your breath.

A light smattering of applause followed your defeat, maybe they were impressed with a few of the moves you had pulled?

Moves that had been taught to you by your T'hy'la, Spock.

A well kept secret between the two of you, you had begged him to teach you a few Vulcan moves to better help you during combat. As a full-bloodied human, you were sure no opponent would expect something of the sort from you, giving you an element of surprise.

Spock had taught you a few of them, in the privacy of your rooms. It was a blessing that your room were right next to one another, though you had a sneaking suspicion that Spock had something to do with such an arrangement. You weren't complaining. It made it easy for the both of you to go and meet the other during your downtime.

Had he been one of the people watching? Did he see you using those moves?

A hand appeared in your vision, prompting you to take it as it hauled you up. Kirk gave an excited grin, his own body covered in sweat. "Damn, I didn't expect it to be quite the workout Y/n." You raised an eyebrow at him, another characteristic you had learned from your lover.

"Is that a dig on my size, Captain?" You asked, crossing your arms over your chest as you did. His eyes seemed to follow your movement, lingering just a tad bit longer at your chest. Rolling your eyes you snapped your fingers in front of his face, breaking his staring.

"Do I need to report you to HR, Captain?" You said, in jest, knowing he didn't mean anything by it. You had learned early on that Jim Kirk had the affinity to flirt with anyone of the opposite gender. It did not matter if they were of the same species or not.

He grinned back, reaching out to pat your shoulder in an affectionate manner. "No need, Y/L/N. We're all friends here." His words were followed by a teasing wink.

You opened your mouth to respond, when you felt a familiar presence coming to stand just beside you.

"Spock! Is it your turn next?" Kirk asked, thinking perhaps that the Second-in-Command was up next on the roster. They still had a significant audience around them, waiting for the next fight. You glanced at him out of the corner of your eyes.

To anyone else Spock would look the same. But you knew better. There was a certain tension around him that made hims grip his hands even tighter behind his back. Worry gnawed at your heart, but you kept quiet, waiting for him to respond.

"No, Captain, I simply came over to inquire about your opponents physical state of being. You did manage to hit her during your sparring session." Kirk frowned in confusion, just as your heart began to race as Spock turned his attention towards you.

And right there, in front of everyone, he reached out and gently took your hand in his. Silence echoed all around you as people stared gobsmacked as Spock locked your fingers with his. Though not before he managed to sneak in a brief brush of his fingers against yours in a Vulcan kiss.

If anyone were to know just how affectionate the half-vulcan could be when it came to you, they wouldn't believe it for a second.

"Are you well, Y/n?" He asked, his eyes drifting over your frame to check for any obvious injuries. He towered over your significantly, yet neither of you minded the different in height. Spock had once claimed it only added to your already endearing nature.

Translation: He found it adorable.

A smile bloomed across your features as you gave his hand a squeeze. "I am fine, Spock." You reassured him. Whatever trace of worry lingered in his gaze vanished at your assurance, though the tightness around his mouth remained.

"Is this what I think it is?" Kirk's voice came from beside them. The two of you turned your attention to the dumbfounded Captain. Spock, still holding your hand gave a small nod. "If you are referring to the nature of relationship I share with Y/n, then yes, you assume correct."

Knowing Spock wouldn't want Kirk asking anymore questions, at least not in front of an audience, you gently tugged at his hand. "Love to stay and chat Captain, but I'm starving and Spock promised to have lunch with me today."

With that you managed to pull your boyfriend away from the crowded gymnasium and out into the empty corridor.

Neither of you spoke, not until you were within the safety of your room. Turning to him with a bemused smile pulling at your lips, you voiced your thoughts. "What was that about? I didn't realize we were going to go public yet."

Spock, having recovered a little from what had transpired stood with his hands at his side. "I apologize, Y/n. I cannot seem to understand what overcame me." He admitted, to which you gave a small frown. "Overcame you? Spock you're not making any sense."

A small stretch of silence followed your words, as you recalled what had happened just a few minutes ago. Your mind replayed the scene, trying to pinpoint what had made Spock act the way he had.

Suddenly it clicked and your eyes widened. "Spock? Were you jealous when Kirk looked at my chest?"

The reaction to your question was instant. His entire body went rigid and panic flashed in his eyes. Unable to help yourself, you let out a small laugh, mirth shining in your eyes as you shook your head at you boyfriend.

Spock seemed to be struggling to say something as his cheeks tinged a slight green at having been caught so blatantly. "I admit, I did feel a surge of negative emotion when he did that. Which is what compelled me to announce the nature of our relationship."

His eyes met yours. "I hope you are not upset with my blatant disregard for secrecy." Your heart softened at the obvious nervousness that was in his tone as you smiled at him.

Stepping closer to him, you held up your hand, sighing softly as he took your initiative to instigate a Vulcan kiss. With your other hand you reached up to cup the side of his face, smiling as you felt him lean into your touch.

"I am not Spock. I am happy. It only means we do not have to hide from everyone anymore. And it was rather flattering, to have to step in when you did to show Kirk that I belonged to you."

Your last three words seemed to act as the trigger. Whatever self-control he had left hanging by a thread snapped, as he surged forward and pressed his lips to yours in a deep kiss. Raising yourself on your tiptoes, you returned his passionate embrace, arms moving to wrap loosely around his broad shoulders. His hands settled on either side of your waist as he pulled your body flush against his own.

Though it only took a few seconds for him to slide his hands down the side, to your thighs and help you wrap your legs around his waist. Neither of you broke the kiss as he gently pressed you against the wall. You shivered as his hands caressed the area under your thighs. He let out a deep moan as your nails, gentle yet sharp, scraped against the skin of his neck and the back of his head.

You were the one to break away first, panting heavily, as you gazed at him through lidded eyes. He still had his eyes closed as he began to press kisses along your neck, stopping to suck at a spot just under your ear, prompting you to melt against him as your very bones seemed to liquefy.

"Spock? I really need a shower." You whispered, remembering you had just had a sparring session.

"Then allow me to assist you."

You bit back a groan as your lips found his once more and you cradled his face between your hands as he carried you to the bathroom.

                                           ————————–

A/N: I feel sooooooooo evil stopping it here. Mwahahahahaha!

[militantinremission]

The Difference between The Black Agenda & The Reparations Movement

Reparations Commissions are popping up across the Country, but none of them come close to addressing the true spirit of Reparations. There are several reasons for this:

Neither Democrats nor Republicans in Congress have a real interest in discussing Reparations; let alone dispensing anything tangible.

Minorities involved in these Reparations Projects have either tried to include their demographic into the discussion, or they have been against it.

Infighting amongst members of the ADOS, FBA, Freemen, & Indigenous Community have weakened the overall message of Reparations. The Masses don't realize that they are All THE SAME LINEAGE GROUP. This division weakens Our collective argument, but has allowed some to eat well over the past few Yrs.

Organizations like The NAACP, The Urban League, The National Action Network, NCOBRA, NAARC, & other like minded Groups have promoted a Trans Atlantic Reparations Agenda that ignores CARICOM. In effect, it 'Centers' Black Immigrants (including Afro Latinos) in the Black American Experience. Most arrived at least 10Yrs after Jim Crow ended- how do they qualify for American Reparations?

The recent kerfuffle over San Francisco NAACP President Rev. Amos Brown's rejection of that City's Reparations Proposal spotlights the problem w/ letting Our (so called) 'Established Leaders' drive the Reparations Bus. They drove the Bus into Our current situation, why should We expect anything different from them? Many of these individuals chose Corporate Donations over Black Community Development. They arent 'Leaders', they're Corporate Lobbyists. These are the Same People that let HR- 40 rot on the 'Social Action vine' for over 30Yrs; If they REALLY wanted Reparations...

Another issue, are the individuals & Organizations narrating 'The Black Agenda' into the Reparations Argument. They are separate & distinct. The White Noise of their rhetoric has confused The Masses, which weakens the magnitude of Our Fight. For the sake of clarity, I want to point out the difference between The Black Agenda & The Reparations Movement.

The Black Agenda, is an All inclusive Program for Black & Afrikan Americans, regardless of their Country of Origin. This includes Africans, Caribbeans, Afro Latinos, & Afro Asians. All of Us share in the current experience of being Black in America. It is an experience that is unique to Us, & is also what unites Us.

The Black Agenda is about Equity. America loves to promote 'Equality', but equal measure doesn't guarantee that Everyone will somehow end up on equal ground. We have been collectively marginalized in America, so it's only fair that they level the playing field. 'Rising Tide' Programs, like those offered by The Democratic Party are on the right track, but NONE take into account the fact that Black America needs an extra scoop of whatever they propose.

The Black Agenda deals w/ the issues of Community Development: Residential & Commercial/ Business Property Ownership, Job Development, Training & Employment Opportunities, Health Care & Mental Health Solutions, School Reform, After School Programs, Youth Empowerment, Visual & Performing Arts Programs, Daycare & Pre- K Programs, along w/ the necessary Community Boards needed to present these & other Community related issues to Local & State Agencies. The goal, is to improve the overall Quality of Life in Black Communities- up to the level of Every Other Community.

The Reparations Movement, is a specific call for American Society to pay their long overdue debt to American Descendants of Chattel Slavery. This Movement is about Indemnification. While Black America collectively deserves legislation, American Descendants Of Slavery deserve much more. The problem w/ EVERY Reparations Program offered so far, is they All ignore the fact that Reparations is a debt owed. They All read like Politicians are giving Blackfolk a hand out. These Programs also fall short on what is really owed.

A lot of numbers have been thrown around over the years, but I have consistently said that Final Reparations numbers will depend on WHO is held liable. If the U.S. Government alone is held liable, Reparations will probably be in the $18 Trillion- $22 Trillion range. If Corporations & Individual families are included, that number could reach $64 Trillion. That should give a clue to the extent of Exploitation, Theft, Terrorism & Oppression that Black America endured over the last 246Yrs- 400Yrs. American History is a chronicle of Anti- Black sentiment. Reparations Naysayers point out the impossibility of dispensing Trillions of Dollars, but a Multigenerational Reparations Program is an easy solution.

The Republican Party's outright refusal of, & The Democratic Party's attempt to graft Feminist & LGBTQ... rhetoric to Critical Race Theory (CRT), are attempts by both Parties to keep Mainstream America away from Our Nation's cruel & bloody past. They obviously fear divulging this history, because it will quell the Argument 'Against', as it strengthens the National Argument 'For' Reparations. The Immigrant Argument of 'I wasnt Here' becomes embarrassing, when We consider 2 facts:

It was Black American Labor that built America up & made it attractive (i.e. The Land of Milk & Honey) to Europeans, Asians, Latinos, Caribbeans, & Afrikans looking to start a New Life.

Black America is responsible for motivating ALL of the Immigration Initatives over the last 150Yrs; especially those since 1965.

It's only fitting for Immigrants living their American Dream (at another's expense) to pay tribute to the people who made that dream possible. I like the analogy of 'Inheriting an Old House'. The New Occupant didn't cause the wear & tear on the house, but that doesn't change the fact that they will have to invest the Time, Work, & Money needed to restore & maintain it. THAT, is the price of Occupancy.

Another thing to consider, is the fact that most Black Americans are descendants of Indigenous Americans or American Indians (Coppertoned Aborigines); not to be confused w/ 'Native Americans', who migrated from Siberia. Less than 10% of Transatlantic Slaves landed in North America. Our Ancestors were Prisoners Of War, that were forced into Indentured Servitude, & later Chattel Slavery on their Own Land. Census Records reveal the effort to hide Our lineage.

Starting w/ the 1790 Census, Indigenous indentured servants were reclassified as Negro & Colored. By the 1900 Census, Indigenous People were being punished for identifying as 'Indian'. They were forced to identify as Negro, Colored, or Mulatto. By the 1970 Census, We were designated 'Black'; & on the 1990 Census, We were labeled 'Afrikan American'... Out Of Afrika Theory is not only Culturally false, it now appears to be a ploy to get Us off of Our Land. We're looking to Afrika, while the Blood & Bones of Our Ancestors fertilize This Land. Our success in agriculture isn't an accident- We were Here for millennia!... I guess that adds an extra wrinkle to the Reparations Discussion.

It's Time for Us to link the moving parts of Our Lineage into Black Voltron, so We can get on w/ The Work. -Just Saying

[fortheloveoffanfic]

Mr. Gallagher and Me

Jim x Reader

Masterlist Playlist Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Summary: Y/n and Jim have their interviews as part of the university's investigation into their relationship, followed by a run-in with Emily. Then, when Y/n doubts their relationship, Jim tries to prove how committed he is. Warnings- a smidge of angst

Mid March “How long have you been involved with Mr. Gallagher?” The woman, her name was Joann, asked, quickly clarifying, “Romantically, of course.”

Swallowing thickly, Y/n picked at her fingernails, keeping her hands clasped in her lap. “About….a year. Yeah, a year.”

Joann scribbled something on the form she was keeping under close guard in a bright red binder. “Okay,” she suspired, “And how did you….” She gestured in a circle with her pen, “Become involved.”

“I asked him out,” Y/n responded without hesitation, willingly neglecting to mention that their agreement had initially been to go out as friends. Sometimes-not that morning-it made her chuckle; one platonic date had somehow led to getting pregnant and looking at houses together.

“And he agreed to go out with a student under his supervision, just like that?” Shit. 

With a sigh, she nervously reached for her glass of water on the desk, bringing it to her rosy lips in a slow sip that she hoped would remedy the sudden dryness in her throat. Since a lie by omission hadn’t worked, she’d have to find a way to use the truth. “No,” Y/n took another sip of her water, “We agreed to go out as friends at first. But I never wanted to be friends, so I….invited him back to my apartment.”

“To have sex?” Y/n gasped at her bluntness, though, she supposed that it was pretty obvious that they were in fact very intimate.

“Well, I obviously didn’t suggest it just like that, but it was implied, yes,” she determined firmly. And when Joann asked if Jim had agreed, Y/n’s answer a brief one, and that time, she omitted the bit about actually going back to his place instead that night-it didn’t seem relevant anyway. 

“Would you say that there’s a power imbalance in your relationship with Mr. Gallagher?”

“Imbalance?” Y/n scoffed, “No, I wouldn’t.”

“Would you care to elaborate?” Joann sighed, practically trying to siphon anything she could out of her with a cocktail straw, “There have never been any situations where you felt like Mr. Gallagher used his authority over you to control certain aspects of your relationship?”

Sighing heavily, Y/n begrudgingly relented, “Jim and I……I was in a really bad relationship before I came to Ireland. His name is probably in your file,” she gestured to one of the folders next to Joann’s binder, “He was…” Y/n shook her head and furrowed her brows, just as the bitter memories threatened to burn her eyes, “Controlling, and manipulative. There were a lot of things that I wouldn’t have done if we’d stayed together. I actually came here to get away from him," briefly,she glanced down at her lap before looking at Joann again. "The point is, I know what a power imbalance looks like, and there has never been one in my relationship with Jim; he has always been patient and kind and supportive. I don’t think I ever realized what it was like to be in a healthy relationship until we got together.” 

After making a few other notes on her page, Joann studied Y/n for a moment, and just when she thought it was over, the smartly dressed HR official asked a question that surprisingly, threw her for a loop; “What was Mr. Gallagher’s reaction to your pregnancy?” 

Smoothing her hands over her burgeoning bump, Y/n felt a patter of strong kicks against her palms, the sensation making it hard to restrain her faint smile. But she managed. “He was angry,” she began honestly, “But not because I was-am-pregnant. He was mad because I wasn’t going to tell him, well, I wasn’t gonna tell him that he’s the father. Which was wrong, I get that. But I also didn’t want something like this,” she gestured between herself and the middle aged woman,  “To happen. I was trying to protect him. But he didn’t want that and he was mad because he couldn’t stand the thought of me, or our daughter,” she ducked her head for a moment, glancing absently at her stomach, then lifting her head again,  “Thinking that he didn’t love us enough to risk it.” 

After that, came questions pertaining to their living arrangements and whether or not Jim had been involved in her pregnancy. With complete truthfulness, Y/n responded quickly, eager to just get the interview over with. She hated that their relationship had come under fire, and she hated even more that it was in such a scandalous way. When the interrogation was through, Y/n pushed herself out of the chair, ignoring Joann’s offer to answer any questions that she had, instead eagerly heading for the door.  

As expected, Jim was seated in one of the uncomfortable chairs that lined the opposing side of the hallway, with her coat draped on one of his thighs and her handbag settled in his lap. “Hey,” he stood quickly, gathering her things in one arm so he could use his free hand to affectionately cup her cheek, his thumb quickly swiping away a stray tear, “How’d it go? Are you okay?” His concern was overwhelmingly evident and the fact that he cared that much made Y/n want to cry even more. 

“Yeah,” Y/n sniffled, relenting easily when Jim’s arm slid over her shoulder and around to the back of her neck so he could pull her in for a hug. “I’m just glad its over, you know?”

“I know, sweetheart,” he kissed the crown of her head, “Now we’ve just gotta wait. It’s gonna be over before you know it.

Sniffing quietly, she circled her arms around his mid, holding him as close as her bump would allow, “I just hope it works out,” she sighed, eventually pulling away so their  eyes could meet. 

“It will,” he promised, as if he could already tell, and even if he couldn’t Y/n found herself willing to believe Jim anyway. She trusted him. Of course, she was still upset about everything that had happened that morning, especially since some of the more unscrupulous accusations had stuck- she knew that they weren’t true, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t bothered. 

How could they accuse him of something like that?

How could they accuse her of something like that? 

“Come on,” he eventually encouraged, breaking their embrace in favor of helping Y/n into her coat and then taking her hand to lead her out of the building. 

With their fingers laced, they strolled towards the elevator; neither of them thought that it mattered if they hid on campus anymore, anyone that was important knew and they were already in trouble anyway, so it couldn’t possibly get worse. It was actually very freeing, being able to be together without having to look over their shoulders and while Y/n was still terribly scared of what their futures might hold, she was happy that at the very least, they could share little moments without hiding, like regular couples.

The elevator had taken a while before it got to their floor, though, when the doors slid open, Y/n gasped loudly. She’d have actually preferred if it would have taken longer if she’d known she was going to be face to face with her. Inhaling deeply, Y/n took an unconscious step back and she felt Jim’s grip on her hand tighten protectively. “Emily,” she gritted.

“Y/n, Mr. Gallagher,” she nodded to them both, maintaining her usual snark, then, with a purposeful sigh, she inched closer and offered; “You think you’re doing yourself a favor,” she met Y/n’s hardened gaze with sharp, dagger eyes, “But you’re not, this isn’t over yet.”

Before Y/n could respond, Jim was guiding her away from Emily, though not before stepping close to her ear, and hissing angrily, “Yes, it is.” That was all he’d offered, though the venom in his tone was crippling. With that, they stepped into the elevator and simultaneously, Emily stepped out.  As they slunk into the elevator, and the doors closed, Jim hit the appropriate button and then asked if she was okay. Y/n had promised that she was, and while it did take a couple more rounds, she was eventually able to placate him. 

“They must be interviewing her today too,” Y/n eventually sighed, side stepping closer to Jim so she could lean her head against his side while he brought an arm around the small of her back, “What do you think she’ll say?”

Jim scoffed, “Probably the worst things she can think of.” The entire experience had been so profoundly upsetting that all Y/n could think of was getting home and crawling back into bed, preferably to sleep away the memories of what had felt like a police interrogation. “Hey,” he smoothed his palm over her back as they eventually emerged from the building, after she’d lapsed into contemplative silence once more, “Do you want to talk about what happened up there?”

Y/n sighed, “No? Yes…..I don’t know,” she shook her head and Jim cuddled her closer as the crossed the walkway, headed towards the parking lot, “You’re probably right, it’ll work out,” she bent her head, regarding the wet, weather-worn asphalt as they walked. It had rained all night into the wee hours of that morning, and while the weather had mostly taken a turn for the better, some gray-ish clouds had still lingered and the occasional puddle had them walking in zig-zags.

“Yeah,” he kissed the top of her head, “But that doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to be upset about it,” Jim sighed, getting his keys out of his coat pocket, he pressed the button that would disengage the alarm and unlock the car. They went to the passenger side first, where Jim opened the door for Y/n and helped her inside. Seconds later, he rounded the car and slipped into his own seat, holding off on starting the car in hopes that she’d open up. 

“I just….I know its not true, but I guess it made me think about everything my parents…” But specifically her mother, “Said. She asked…..if I felt like you got me pregnant on purpose. Obviously I said no, and reminded her that you didn’t even want any more kids before this. And then she asked….” Sighing again, Y/n shook her head, “She asked if I got pregnant on purpose to…..make you stay with me and get me favors at the university,” Joann’s words had actually been far more professional but they had pretty much the same meaning. 

Picking at the hem of her blouse, Y/n shook her head, “I know that you’re all in and we've talked about this so many times, but you don’t feel like I did this on purpose, right?”

“Of course not!” Shifting in his seat, Jim reached for her face, “I know you and I know you wouldn’t…..baby trap me," he cringed, seeming uncomfortable with the term- or maybe just the thought that she would do that. "Look,” he sighed, “She asked me the same thing; if I thought you got pregnant on purpose and there was no doubt in my mind when I said ‘no.’ I know little Jellybean was an accident,” he chuckled softly and she flashed him a brief, watery smile, “The happiest accident of my life.”

“And you never felt pressured to do….anything that you have for me because of the baby? I know you said you’re excited and we’ve been talking about buying a house and god,” she scoffed, barely keeping her emotions at bay, “You’ve been so amazing. But you’re so nice; I don’t want you to lose everything and then look back on things one day and realize that the only reason you did any of this is because you feel like you had to.”

Licking his lips, Jim’s blue eyes dimmed sympathetically and he used his thumbs to brush her hot tears away. His lips quivered and he seemed at a loss for words at first, until he eventually offered, “Even without this job, I do have everything. I have my kids- all three of them,” he chuckled softly, rousing another smile, “I have the woman I love,” he shrugged, “That’s everything to me.” 

“But I just-”

“Shh,” he leaned in, pressing his lips to hers. Easily, Y/n responded, lifting one hand to cup his neck. “Marry me,” he elicited softly when they broke for air, foreheads still close together. 

“What?” She knitted her brows, both confused and startled by his impromptu proposal. She wasn’t even sure if she’d heard him right. 

Jim chuckled, pulling away, “I can't think of a better way to show you that I’m choosing our life-not being forced into it- than giving you this ring,” after a moment of rummaging through his pocket, he produced a little, forest green, leather box with a tiny clasp holding it closed, “That I’ve been carrying around everyday since Valentine’s Day.” As she opened her mouth to protest, Jim intervened, “I didn’t buy this ring for just anybody, Y/n. I don’t wanna buy a house or have a baby with just anybody. Marry me, let me show you that I mean that, everyday.”

Sniffling, she nodded, “I’d love to marry you.” When Jim flicked the box open, revealing a stunning, elegantly  dainty ring, she gasped. It was the most beautiful engagement ring she’d ever seen; an oval diamond fitted to thin, gold, Celtic diamond encrusted bands. With shaking hands, he slipped the ring onto the appropriate finger, the cool metal  making her skin tingle. “I…..” She sighed, gaze flickering between the ring and Jim while a flood of conflicting emotions overwhelmed her. Y/n was overjoyed to be engaged, she  was still scared for their future at Trinity and now she was both embarrassed and frustrated with herself for doubting Jim once again. It wasn’t fair that she kept doubting him, not when he’d been nothing short of a product of her wildest dreams. “Ugh,” she sniffed, and Jim once again reached over to brush her tears away, “I’m sorry I keep….” Y/n shook her head and rolled her bleary eyes, “I keep doubting you. It must be so annoying,” she scoffed, still upset with herself, “I’m acting like such a baby.”

Leaning across, Jim kissed both of her tear stained cheeks before capturing her lips, “You’re not,” he promised, “Its been a rough few weeks and the way you feel could never be annoying to me.”

Y/n chortled softly through the tears, “I swear its the baby’s fault,” then, when Jim laughed off her comment, Y/n took a moment to let the events of the last fifteen minutes or so sink in, a brighter smile creeping to her cheeks, “We’re getting married,” she laughed. 

Jim grinned broadly, “We are,” he caught her lips again in an impassioned endearment, “Why don’t we go for lunch to celebrate, whatever you want.”

“Uh….pizza?” She suggested, without even giving it a second thought. 

“You wanna celebrate getting engaged with pizza?” He chuckled, eventually settling into his seat and getting the car started, “We had pizza last night,” and the day before, for lunch- Jellybean had recently decided that pizza was the only thing worth eating. 

Pouting as she got her seat belt buckled, Y/n glanced over at Jim, “We can get something else, you’re probably sick of it.” 

“Eh,” he shook his shoulders, smoothly backing out of the parking spot then shifting gears before turning towards the exit, “I did say whatever you wanted,” and maintaining one hand on the wheel, Jim reached over and touched the top of her stomach, “And my girls want pizza, so we’re having pizza.” 

Laughing softly, she shook her head, the worries she’d had earlier slowly fading to the back of her mind. They’d still creep out every now and then, until she and Jim were given the concrete results of the investigation, but in that moment, Y/n much preferred just enjoying the rest of their day as a newly engaged couple. 

After a very full day, and an evening spent at a local restaurant with his kids to announce their engagement, Y/n and Jim had opted to retire earlier than usual that night. Though, the prospect of sleep, despite the two of them being bone tired, was not immediate; she still wanted to video call with Elaine to share the exciting news and Jim had been adamant on upholding his promise to read to their daughter every night- that night, they were on chapter three of  Black Beauty. 

As Jim laid propped on his elbow, face close to her stomach and glasses slid down to his nose a bit, he held the book open in front of him, occasionally reeling it in closer to his chest so he could lean over and kiss her stomach. Meanwhile Y/n was slouched against a mass of pillows packed against the headboard, her phone resting on the swell of her cute bump as she waited for Elaine to pick up the call. 

“Hey mama!” She beamed as she answered, and by the looks of her background, Y/n could tell that her friend was sat at the breakfast bar in the kitchen of the apartment that they formerly shared, “What’s up? I saw your text about big news when I was about to leave the hospital.

“Oh it’s nothing,” Y/n waved dramatically, ensuring the camera picked up on her subtle- but still obvious-  show of  the gorgeous ring. “I just-”

“Wait,” Elaine cut her off, “Was that a rock on your finger? Let me see it!” She demanded enthusiastically. Biting back a fit of bubbly laughter, Y/n raised her left hand in front of the phone, properly displaying her engagement ring that time. “Oh. My. God!” Elaine squealed after a few seconds spent staring at it, “No way, No. Way! When? How? Where? Tell me everything.” Shifting against the pillows to get more comfortable, all while Jim read softly, with his lips close to her stomach, Y/n threaded her fingers through his hair while recounting the story to Elaine.

The more she thought about it, the more Y/n adored Jim’s proposal- with the exception of her spell of insecurity towards the beginning- it was everything she could want in a proposal. Quiet, casual and private. No fuss, no people around them clapping and asking if they wanted pictures taken, no huge grand gesture that cost way too much, just Jim promising to love her for the rest of their lives and her, saying that she’d do the same. 

“Ugh,” Elaine moaned and pouted, “That is so cute! Is he there? Don’t lie to me, I can hear him reading,” she teased, and laughing softly, Y/n turned the phone so Elaine could talk to Jim, “Hi baby daddy!” 

Jim chuckled, propping himself a little higher on his elbow while resting the book, open to his current page, face down on the bed behind him. “Hi Lainey,” he grinned, shaking his head, “You’d think I’d be more than ‘baby daddy’ after today.”

“Oh no, you’ve gotta marry her first. Then maybe, I’ll reconsider. But you did good with the ring,” she praised, 

“Thanks,” he laughed. They didn’t talk for very long, but as usual, it was nice knowing that two people that were so important to her could get along so easily, When Y/n turned the phone back, She and Elaine chatted for a while again, before something in the background beeped, presumably the oven, and Y/n yawed, a tell tale sign that it was time to shut everything off. They said good byes and exchanged ‘I love you’s and by the time they were through and Y/n was shifting to put her phone down, Jim was also marking the page of his book. 

“I think she likes this one,” he noted causally, kissing her bump before scooting up towards his pillow. 

“She likes everything that you read to her,” Y/n giggled, still propped against the mass of pillows behind her. Then, smoothing her hands over her stomach, she added, “She just loves hearing her daddy.”

Jim grinned broadly, “She’s a daddy’s girl already- I love it.” When she started sifting lower, Jim helped her get her collection of pillows organized; a couple under her head, one framing her stomach and another between her legs, joking at some point that there were more pillows on the bed than people.

“She needs a name,” he declared after they’d turned off the lights and got settled in their usual spooning position; her back pressed to his chest when one of his arms remained draped over her middle.

“She has a name,” Y/n noted sleepy, resting one hand over his. 

“We call her Jellybean. She needs a real name…..like Eleanor.”

“Or Sarah,” Y/n countered. She actually hadn’t given very much thought to a name since she’d gotten pregnant, but always had a few names stowed away in her mind that she simply liked– none of them was Eleanor. 

Jim emitted a soft sound of disagreement, “Or…..something that’s not Sarah.”

Y/n scoffed through a yawn, “You don’t like Sarah?”

“Well, it doesn’t exactly sound like you like Eleanor.” 

“Touche,” she chortled softly, yawning, "I am too tired to talk about this,” Y/n declared not long after, shutting her eyes. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, sweetheart,” he kissed the back of her head, then added, “Goodnight Eleanor.”

“Jim!” Y/n warned firmly, eyes still shut. 

She could hear his grin when he corrected himself, “Fine. Goodnight Jellybean.” 

[bag-full-of-bricks]

me using a blade launcher to kill members of a heavily militarized cult while stuck in a underground bunker with jim from accounting whos wearing a bunch of magazines and barbara from HR whos cooking ice cream and wheat soup because some guy left the evil creature container unlocked