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storiesofsvu · 2 years

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law and order thoughts/spoilers

as usual, they're out of order thanks to citytv airing them weird, but OC/og/svu, here we go!

HATE that city tv airs these out of order. I would love to see SVU at the same time as everyone else for fucking once.

We stan a bad bitch wife. Even if she is the real villain. And this seems to be the theme of OC. But also why is this bitch’s hair always GEL SLICKED down like this?? -- WAS THAT A GAY THOUGHT?! OMG—

OKAY NOT THIS BITCH. THE DR WHO HARVESTED ORGANS WITHOUT PARENTAL CONSENT!?!!? Fuck…get your extra’s straight PLEASE

Okay. I GET Denise’s pov when it comes to this shit, ESP with Ayanna missing handoff time for what I’m guessing is not the first time post split. But like, why must we bury our gays yet again. Why can’t we just have a fucking happy lgbt relationship SOMEWHERE on one of these shows???

“two people aren’t that close for that long and never sleep together.” Stabler: “you sure about that?”

LOOOOOOLLLLLLL as much as I don’t want EO together at this point, I do love all the little easter eggs that they toss into the shows this season

Ayanna really not fucking around with these rats and girl… I fucking feel you

Course she lied to the police, saw that one coming. Like, this bitch is not dumb, she clearly would’ve dumped the phone and is going to help this guy, like, come on guys…

This bitch is gonna be dead before you get to the Canadian border…

OH SHIT. THIS I DID NOT SEE COMING. Shiiiiitttttt

I’m way more invested in this than I thought I would be. As usual, I think it’s because of Ayanna

Bruh, she’s better at de-escalation than olivia is, I said it.

This man is a CHILD. Like…a CHILD. I’m over him being the main villain of this season I’m over him, please let this only last half a season PLEASE.

I was JUST about to say “man, I think I liked this ep so much because there was so little Stabler” and then he goes and rage punches a mirror in a public bar bathroom. Bruh. You better be paying for that….

Mothership time!

Okay… wait… the girl Nolan was with… I could SWEAR that’s kat’s cousin/sister/whatever….but shit aint up on imbd yet so someone remind me to look this up later.

Also…did we *really* need t have two vicious subway attacks two weeks in a row guys??

Also also….sir… you are not a cop..you do not have a weapon…why are you running *toward* the shooting.

Great acting though dude, props to the shaky hands looking legit.

Cosgrove: where the hell did he go? Bruh… you’re asking that like you were in hot pursuit… he’s LONG GONE

All they need to do to prove this wasn’t the shooter is run a quick gsr test… like…stop pushing that angle and work the other ones.

ROSSI??!! Jfc… lololol

Okay I’m 99% sure lacey’s mom was a vic on svu….like I get it, there are only so many actors, esp for extras and in nyc but like…cmon.. lololol (sidebar: I need imdb to update pls) (update: its not lol)

I bet that they didn’t tell the mom that kate knows sign and all of this could be thrown out by a lawyer later on, though they could claim its just lip reading but like, she did invoke and a good attorney would throw hands over this. (even if they’re not associated…I cant remember the proper word rn lol)

ACCOMPLIASE! THAT’S THE WORD!

Listen… I just don’t like jack mccoy. I don’t know why. And it’s more him in the new season, didn’t mind him in the earlier svu eps (minus him threatening casey’s licence multiple times but at least Donnelly had her back)

God Sam’s so fucking hot. I may need to rewatch the last season so I can accurately start writing for her… and that RED. PLEASE!?!

Okay Nolan and this other attorney defs fucked/dated in the past. There’s no questioning it

TAKING THE JURY ON THE TRAIN!?? Well…never seen this shit before…(I wasn’t paying attention prior to the train so like, if that was some weird imagine thing, pardon me lol) but like DAMN.

I need to have a couple of eps without Nolan. I want to see Sam take first chair or a solo case.

Yeah they definitely dated…

Okay that episode was heavy.. if you’re going to watch, be known that it could defs be triggering, both the opening segment, the main living victim’s testimony and the jury on the crime scene train was all a LOT

SVU fucking finally. Bring me my babies please!!

Therapy! Thank fucking god! I mean, she’d obvi have to be post shooting, but like, still. Thank fuck

Okay this amanda does seem like more early season amanda, like, the defensiveness, the closed off, please don’t be that closed off with your friends or carisi pls.

But also like, fuck. How hard it must be to deal with what happened when you’re at home with the girls when you can’t pick either of them up because there’s a hole in your stomach….

“we bring HOME” ???!!!! SO THEY LIVE TOGETHER NOW, RIGHT!?? UGH. THE CUTENESS. I ADORE PAPA CARISI

Okay I cant decide if amanda would be all over this case because of her obsession with social media/reality tv and the like, or if she would just roll her eyes at the way the girl was acting because she’s done that shit in the past like with… skye…I cant remember her real name but when the vics don’t see themselves as vics or want help amanda usually shoves them away

“she’s a millennial, they’re entitled” OUCH OLIVIA, OUCH.

YES!! MUNCY! YES!! I LOOVE when they bring in actors reality’s into their characters (and molly’s a huge sports fan)

Yeah right, “my daughter’s a huge fan” amanda?! Please. It’s you.

Girl…if you wanted to not be followed and not stand out why tf are you wearing a BRIGHT pink hoodie??

Liv looking *fire* thank god this season did her so much better

Ugh COUCH CUDDLES GOD LORD HEY ARE FEEDIN US WELL

Would have been made 10000 times better IF she was wearing the Fordham hoodie

Oh jesus fucking christ. I stand by what I said earlier; amanda could never have been coping through this without having someone else helping her with the kids cause she is not okay…

That ring is not gorgeous. It looks like a cheap ass plastic kids toy ring

This case is giving me major Spousal Privilege vibes.

Okay that *is* Tensley Addams mom…

HAAAAA!! I KNEW THE WARDROBE ADVICE WAS COMING lololol. Like, nick got told to shave INSTANTLY, this girls been walking around in jeans and baggy hoodies for way too long now.

Okay, I know this is “based” off the depp/heard case, and honestly, I’m (so far) super happy with the way they’ve done it. It could’ve been a LOT more obvious and this is like, the right way of taking “ripped from the headlines” and making it into a plot bunny for an actual episode.

Im sorry… THAT’S austin’s lawyer?!?! The so called “most expensive, best lawyer in the city?” ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? No.. absolutely not. (and this isn’t even me being salty about rita not being around…this is just be thinking there’s no way she’s the best he could get…) (and no offence to her, it’s the costuming choice in her first scene…bruh…no..) (arraignment outfit much better)

YES!! YES!! THEY LIVE TOGETHER!!! (also there was so definitely more to that office scene and they cut it… FUCK)

Theres something going on with the red pants in the gallery, theres too many of them to it not be a thing…

Okay, I was right for the red pants

She can’t close the courtroom??? Seriously?? I thought that was a thing? And was honestly already wondering why the gallery wasn’t cleared.

Eeeeecckkk I know carisi is doing exactly what he needs to for court, but like…that argument would be something that would directly affect and hurt amanda, esp the state she’s in rn. Thankfully, I don’t see her in the courtroom so at least she wasn’t witness to that…

THAT ROLIVIA SCENE OH MY GOD PERFECTION

So…the girl asks for a back exit from the precinct cause she think papp’s followed her, but she walks out the front stairs of the courthouse post verdict???

How tall is this kid!?? Like he’s bigger than carisi?!

Okay, we were fed WELL tonight besties. I am so thankful to finally see amanda realizing what her issues are and dealing with them while having the full support of her (presumably) closest friend liv and her love, like, this is healing, this is growth and progress. Do I hate that she’s going to leave in a few eps? Absolutely. But this is so much better than the past.

This week had yet another great episode.

#law and order #law and order svu #law and order special victims unit #law and order organized crime #rollisi #rolivia #olivia benson #amanda rollins #sonny carisi #svu

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wellthatwasaletdown · 1 year

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I've read hilarious tags to a tweet (that was posted on tumblr): Don't think Harry Styles likes dressing like that. Looks miserable in pics. Probably is like hey man can I wear a suit or something. maybe a big t-shirt Pete Davidson gets to wear big stinky shirts. And his handler is like nah you're a fake gay guy gotta wear fake gay guy clothes

The tags (and some replies): -he exists so straight people can be allies without actually being allied to any queer people /hj -Hey yeah the issue is not that he isn't wearing ""man clothes"" the issue is that he looks like shit and it feels incredibly performative to everyone except you fans. -the issue is that his music is bad. if he was putting out bangers no one would gaf how he looks. You know who never got this kind of reaction for wearing a dress? kid cudi. cause man puts out bangers -its what happens when you only achieve level of solo fame by being part of a wattpad ship -I just saw you rb the diamond jumpsuit and he looks so uncomfortable it gave me sympathetic dysphoria. Like legitimately he looks like he's desperately closeted, but like for cishet people. He looks like want transphobes think we do to people. Like those shitty alt right political cartoons of like 'in 2030 everyone will be forced to be queer at gunpoint'. Lazer sniper sight glinting off his diamanté encrusted extra nipple -sure he's fighting gender norms but the gender norms are winning -he looks like a very boring conservative man's idea of a gay man. Like whatever he's made some good music and he seems like an alright person. But I cannot find it in me to be happy for him. He looks manufactured -Literally like you look at the photos of 70's glam rock stars and like. Not only are they rocking it but they seem to be beyond comfortable in it in that 'this is me' way. Styles looks as if he'd kill for a pair of khakis and a hoodie -Dude the logic around Harry has fully switched. First it's 'oh no management isn't allowing him to be gay' and now it's 'omg he's acting gay only because his pr team told him to -Why do Harry Style stans try to suck your eyes out of your skull if you criticize him? Celebrity culture makes me wanna self immolate lol I am saying that's just him trying to be more special than his designated bland pop singer for straight girls niche

 Said in a server last night he looked like he just came in straight from a cke binge. Then said he looked like that hairy pink dancing creature with that silver look 😭  He just always looks like sht man…you're rich. I know you can afford to challenge gender roles and dress well Wearing the ugliest rompers w his nips out just aint cutting it

 LMAO he looks SO sad in the diamond jumpsuit people have been comparing it to their pre transition pics

-fake pretentious c*nt. *untalented -he really is just some guy being forced to be a gay icon mf showed up looking like a batman villain -Nah i was directioner and harry biased then and he always dresses like that. But yeah i agree his stylists and producers say for him to exaggerate and pretend he is the modern david bowie when in fact he is just a boyband soloist lmao hes in my top 5 on spotify for the past million years TWO THINGS CAN BE TRUE

-if 2021 target pride collection was personified.

-this is exactly how my 62 y/o mom talks abt him lmaoooo. Liike she HATES him she thinks he’s a total phony and finds him an insult to the lgbt community#best ally tbh gotta love her

-I've literally been saying this like he’s just doing this for the money but for how long 😭😭 -ite transtrender but for gay people

-ok. there was this huge ass paper thing full of his new cd in the middle of my favourite record shop. Making the already small store even more cramped. so fuck him#there you go i <3 being a hater

-he’s literally not gay. if he was i’d become homophobic

(Sorry if some of them are too rude, I have hard time discerning bc I don't speak to many people on the internet and don't know fully what's the proper etiquette)

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libbytwq · 2 years

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I kept seeing ppl be like "gus is probably gay lol" and i've been just like "ok? Believe what you want but im not too sure lol" but s3 gus has me thinking "ok well whatever gus is, he def aint straight"

I MEAN LOOK AT HIM

def not straight

HE JUST HAS VERY BISEXUAL VIBES OK

I KNOW THIS CUZ I AM BISEXUAL

My gaydar just be goin 📈

idk why i made this post i need to go to bed

#the owl house #gus toh #gus the owl house #gus porter #toh gus #the owl house gus #toh s3 #the owl house season 3

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bigmack2go · 4 months

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Watching german newsies. Am disturbed. Need sleep now.

Update

Jack „duzt“ (the not formal you) kloppman and i love it

So they have absolutely no singing skills which is weird considering its a musical

YK THE PART IN CARRIING THE BANNER WHERE THEYRE ALL SINGING ABOVE EACH OTHER??? HALF OF THOSE ARE ENGLISH???

Not abt the german sync but i love boots so much ydek i love him almost as much as albert

They also call themselves newsboys in the german version like BRO WHAT ARE YOU CHANGING THE NAME FOR IF YOURE NOT TRANSLATING IT ANYWAY

PLSSSS „hast du keine aguen im kopf“😭

They did make it a whole lot clearer what jack meant when he talked about oscar with his shoes on

And you can understand what they say in the backround soooo much better

Mush’s voice actually fits better than his real one

Snaps is so funny😭😭

Omg boots singing in german is smt I didn’t know i needet (because i dont. Its terrible)

Blink cant pronounce Harlem „helm“💀💀💀 you go boy! Don’t let anyone tell you not to where that helmet!

WE LOVE U DENTON UR AN ICON *fucking fangirls*

„Spot kanlen“

They made „i spent a month there one night“ into „a night there always feels like a whole month“ :(

Wheres the fun in that???

What the hell is a spot kanlen

I take the thing with races sync back. In fact i think its really really good. And so is blinks (especially blinks) and skitterys.

STOP SAYING KANLEN WHAT TH HELL

I already didn’t understand why they would make a song called seize the day when it could be carpe diem but i guess in English it makes sense cause you can say both versions. In german u cant. No one ever said „nutz den tag“ if anything they say „nutze“ but like just say carpe diem christ. Maybe u can actually find some fitting rhymes then that aren’t just the same thing twice.

THE NEWSIES BACK UP A GAY KID IN THE GERMAN VERSION!!! I REPEAT!!! THEY CANONICALLY BACK UP A KID THAT GOT CALLED A schwuchtel (which is the german equivalent to f4got) THIS IS NOT A DRILL GUYS

„das hinkebein? Ich hohl ihn“ why was that actually kinda cute????

„IcH wIlL NiChT dAS JeManD MicH tRäGt“

Istg crutchie is such a slow talker in german i cant even

RACHE FÜR CRUTCHIE

AINT NO WAY THEY QUOTED STARWARS😭😭😭

„Brooklyn hält euch die Stange“

Thats what he said—

(Im so invalid for this😭)

Ok just lemme get this straight cuz im not sure im correct. The newsies on the pic are the characters that actually got named right??

I have so many feelings about german kony and only very few of them are good

But snipeshooter still kind sounds like himself in it so i guess that good

WHY R THERE NO GERMAN SUBTITLES THO????

Ok but „harlem bis nach sonst wo“ was actually handled pretty well

I only just realized mush swalloing a laugh when davey doesn’t wanna spit shake

Why do they juat completely change some things they say?? Like they could have easily translated it??

Why is the refuge and orphanage in german

IS LES SMOKING???

Edit: nvm its just a lollipop

Istg Esther is so done

GEWERKSCHAFT

(I didn’t even know that was a word)

Still can’t believe blush is cannon

Ok but in santa fee jack talks to a crowd, to himself and to someone else entirely all at the same time

The way jack say snoddy is simply just wrong

Skittery is weird too

„Spot conlen macht uns n bisschen nervös“ nawwwwww fucking cute ass

Omg the men in the backround talking????? Awesome!! Can hear every word!! „Die werden sich noch umsehn“ yass

Why tf they calling him captain instead of kelly

„ICh FrEsS n BeSeN“

Ast-rein

Boots is so poursouled

Edit: i take it back

Reminder to anyone hc‘ing mouth as daveys nickname that in german his nickname would be SpRacHrOhR

WHY DO THEY TAKE DIFFERENT ENGLISH WORDS??? Either u translate it or you leave it. But if you’re changing it but not translating wheres the point??

WAS WILLST DU DAMIT SAGEN? HAT SPOT ALSO RECHT??

Nothing. And i mean nothing. Makes sense in seize the day. And it doesn’t rhyme.

WiR GEBEN IHNEN SAURES

Fucking blink

Edit: rn -mush

Why is crutchie so dumb?

I just realized some of the scabs were already convinced before the fight w the Delancys

What is the woody gate??

Boots is a fucking icon

Spot just livked his palm instead if soitting in it??

NO O E FUCKING TALKS LIKE THAT

What denton says doesn’t make any fucking sense istg

Some of the rhymes in kony are actually okay

THEY REMOVED SPOTS VIBRATO

cant fucking understand a word snipeshooter says

„gut so“ KLOPPMAN LOML

Why did snider donate to the strike??

Herrliche aussicht STFU ALREADY

Who casted Sarah‘s sync???

Motherfucking Pulitzer is licking the paper

Motherfuxker is one of them the guy frim umsere kleine farm

„Brooocklin“

Wtf they didn’t even try to make emphasis‘s similar

They removed meddas accent:(

Just realized the bodyguard spot turns into when snider shows up

Also one lf the guys looks exactly like live‘sies spot

Blink being a bodyguard is the reason i‘m alive

Istg what did spot expect dumbass

HOW DID DAVEY HET AWAY BUT NO ONE ELSE

Not them changing the order 💀

I love that the newsies have priority

1 children

2 women

3 jack

4 themselves

5 davey

6 their friends

7 other newsies

8 other people

I motherfucking love 92‘sies henry

Why is the mayor plying bodyguard now

Pulitzer poking jack is even better in german

Seiz is talking such bullshit tho??? Doesn’t even make sense. Je litteraly does have somewhere to go

what DID crutchie do to the sauerkraut??

Santafee be like📈📉📈📉📈📉📈📉

ScHoN gUt BiN nIcH tAuB

JA MERKT MAN BRUDER DU HAST IHN GRAD NE HALBE EWIGKEIT IGNORIERT NATÜRLICH SCHREIT er

„Wie ein pinkel“????? Huh??

Boots is so dedicated about the clothes what the hell??

Why does davey say i dont even know your real name instead he of you didn’t even tell me your real name.cause lts not true?? And He could have said that?

Why did i think they replaced weasel at the end??? They didn’t. They have two at the beginning too

sarah decking morris is my motto of life

Les 🥺🥺🥺

MorriS‘s german laugh is my life istg thats so funny

Und das ist für crutchie

YOU TELL EM LES

vorallam nicht klug? Yop. Absolutly. Positive. Correct.

Wait theres a picture of the irl Katherine in pulitzers office

How did they get the word „kriegsberichterstatter“ in the word „warreporter“ but not „kenne“ in „tell me“

WHY R WE TALKING ABOUT BAGUETTE NOW????

Why does denton say pulitzer so weird “pOUUUlitser”

#the voices fit pretty well actually #except for races #but the text #???#what the hell???

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5sosfanfictioncatalogue · 10 months

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Nerdy Ashton Masterlist

a little extra credit never hurt anybody - @sup3rbloom (haveufoundwhaturlookingfor) michael/ashton T, 4k

Summary: Michael and Ashton used to be best friends when they were younger, unfortunately Michael ditches Ashton for popularity when they get older. Things change when Ashton gets offered extra credit to tutor a failing student. That student so happens to be Michael Clifford.

Good Girls (ao3) - orphan_account michael/ashton N/R, 709

Summary: Calum thinks that Ashton is just a nerdy kid who lives for education and who could possibly have a crush on him. God was he so wrong.

i just wanna be bad enough for you (ao3) - metallicmoons michael/ashton M, 2k

Summary: just a typical adorable nerd!ashton and punk!michael fic because those are honestly my favourite.

i'm aint gon' hurt you child (ao3) - fffearless michael/ashton T, 944

Summary: Ashton and Michael make out whilst in detention. That's it, that's the story.

kiss me better (ao3) - waywardaussies luke/ashton T, 1k

Summary: luke hates seeing his boyfriend hurt.

Lettuce Be Lovers (ao3) - awfuldaycupcake luke/ashton N/R, 3k

Summary: Luke repeatedly comes into the shop Ashton works at and picks up a lettuce. Then, halfway through the shop, he decides he doesn't want the lettuce and puts it back on the shelf next to him, regardless of what aisle he's in. While most people might find this very amusing, Ashton is not most people.

Room 247 (ao3) - fivesecondsofaus luke/ashton M, 1k

Summary: Luke and Ashton are new dorm room mates and Luke can’t keep his hands off the nerdy boy.

Roommates (wattpad) - 1D_HarryStyles_1D calum/ashton T, 68k

Summary: Calum Hood was the stereotypical jock in high school. He was the star of the football team and basketball team. The majority of his old classmates loved him, envied him, or wanted to be him. Now that he was at the University of Melbourne on a football scholarship, he was hoping to reach that status yet again. He wasn't going to university for the classes and academics; he was going to pursue his career in football. He wasn't a lame geek that was going to spend his weekends studying and doing boring homework that wouldn't benefit him. He wasn't going to let those nerds annoy him with their smarts either like he did in high school. Not to mention that he was a full-blooded frat boy. Classes and grades and nerds weren't about to get in his way of that.

Ashton Irwin was considered a nerdy hipster. He was more into the arts and academics of things, his strong suit being English and art history. Not only that, but he had a passion for music as well. He was a talented singer that helped get him a full ride scholarship to the University of Melbourne, along with his exceptional knowledge in English. Though, he wasn't at all popular in high school. He was quite the opposite and he was okay with it. He didn't want to be popular and have his every move analyzed. It also meant that he would've had to hangout with the jocks, who he didn't like at all. Now, due to his uni class schedule, he would be free of the majority of the jocks and hopefully frat boys. They were bullies and he didn't want to have to be associated with any of them. He would make sure of that.

But, despite what Ashton and Calum think, life isn't fair sometimes and you have to live with the hand you're dealt. Literally.

Shameless (ao3) - HeartnArrow luke/ashton N/R, 39k

Summary: Luke is captain of the hockey team, one of the most popular guys in school along with calum hood, came out as gay last year. ashton is a nerd who gets straight a’s and has yet to have his first kiss at the age of 17. michael is his best friend who isn't really a nerd but has known ashton since preschool. ashton has always watched luke from afar, admiring him at the hockey games and in the hallways. he’s had a crush on him since freshman year but luke doesn't even know his name. or Luke was looking for a fuck buddy while Ashton was looking for love.

take my hand, take my whole life too (ao3) - booksteaandcake calum/ashton G, 2k

Summary: calum always turns up to ashton’s drunk and they always end up having sex. it’s nice but it also kind of hurts when they are insanely in love and don’t even talk about it.

Wrong Way (ao3) - boomercal calum/ashton E, 9k

Summary: Two high schoolers who won’t admit they think the other is cute and some well-intentioned friends means that while Ashton’s looking for Calum on the Hockey field, Calum’s looking for Ashton at the library; what’s to be done when you’re pretty sure that cute guy in your English class is avoiding you?

You Are My Getaway (Something about the Sunshine) (ao3) - orphan_account luke/ashton, michael/calum N/R, 20k

Summary: Ashton Irwin just wants to get through senior year to finally leave Kalamazoo, Michigan. On a family trip to Los Angeles, he finds himself literally bumping into Lucas Hemmings, a teen pop sensation. Even though it doesn’t make sense, Ashton finds he actually gets along with the huge celebrity.

With paparazzi trying to catch their every move and Luke’s career to think about, their relationship might be ruined before it’s started. What will happen when they get found out?

#5sosfanfictioncatalogue #5sos fanfic #ashton irwin #masterlists #au #nerdy #nerdy!ashton masterlist

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aboynameddash · 2 years

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august

hello hi we’re peak summertime and boy has it been a roller coaster. The summer started out in a funk - I hated where I lived and even more so, I hated my neighbors. At one point I kept anticipating bad things happening to me because 1) that was around the time terrible things happened to me two years in a row and 2) I just fucking hated my living situation due to victor and my strange ass neighbors. The only perk I got was going to Barry’s bootcamp where I developed a crush on my barry’s instructor whom I originally thought was gay...but then realized he was straight when he mentioned something about a girlfriend and then followed it with “jk so and so is thinking, aint nobody gonna lock this guy down” and I’m here like....wait, he’s straight?! That followed along with the next few weeks, he made a point to ask me for my name, call me out and etc. Sure, it’s because I’m one of his regulars, but then I decided to follow him on instagram to SHOW my interest... no surprise he followed me back but from time to time he’ll give me a like or two on a full body picture. And then came that strange ass date with Jared who decided to look me up and follow me on insta also...except I never followed him back because why would I. The date wasn’t terrible, in hindsight, it went really well..Drinks, sex, in-n-out. The only real problem is other than that one night, I wasn’t that attracted to him. I’m sorry I’m really not attracted to low ambition men who “try” to get out of their job 10 years in...on top of that the company doesn’t even have equity for him. They also moved him out to miami which I think is lame the more that I think of it. Yes. It was so easy and effortless. I did enjoy my time but not nearly enough to do it again. Then there was those couple weekends back and forth between LA and San Diego -venice beach, urth cafe, santa monica, etc. with lisa. fourth of july bbq at her boyfriend’s house and then of course a week and a half in San Francisco was so lovely. but I’m not gonna lie, being back home with my car and dasher’s home felt like this is where I needed to be. Then of course, last week where krystl stayed and played and we...somehow ended up making seeking arrangement accounts and thats when I met up with some old finance guy this past weekend who ended up blocking me because I showed up at the wrong location and was late. he thought I was about to flake. I caught him off gaurd eating ice cream by himself before we sat down and had a fairly nice, but awkward chat. About an hour later, he slipped me 200 dollars and I was on my way. Would I do it again? probably. I hustle. Would I have dinner with him? I think if he didn’t block me I would keep his number and possibly hit him up again if he was in town but honestly something about it felt really odd. Krystl said, the only way to go into it is to only do it if I were gonna do it anyway if it were free. And honestly, $200 was just not enough for the time and effort it took to get there. Not to mention the looks we recieved from other people. Nonetheless, it has taught me a few things...I’m SO tired and don’t even feel burn when I get rejected or unmatched from these loser boys on bumble or hinge anymore. It’s like...why do I even bother trying to go on these dates if it’s free/these boys think they’re hot shit when they’re huge losers. Point taken. the guy that wanted to take me out last Friday, ended up unmatching me the second I told him I needed him to call me before I met up with him. Was I shocked? No. Glad? More than ever. I think it’s after how PATHETIC Craig was, I take every little sign as a bullet dodged. Honestly, time..I’ve got a lot of it. Energy and patience, I have very little of so anything that helps me weed out all the losers...THANK YOU. In fact, the last thing I wanna do is get ready and potentially spend a friday night with some guy I’m not even gonna vibe with. That’s a lot of recovery that needs to be done after.

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matchamabs · 3 years

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I know you didn’t ask for it but- BOTW MONSTERS: RANKED BY HOW HOT THEY ARE,,,,

i do fuck all in the days lemme tell ya

ill admit i havent done EVERY enemy but like. i do enjoy making these posts so who knows, i might actually rank everything sooner or later 🤷‍♀️

,,,,, and if u want a specific ranking of botw/aoc stuff lmk 👀

ahh the ol reliable. the classic bokoblin. he is just a little lad! unfortunately they’re genuinely kind of ugly??? and the idk the singular horn in the middle aint a good look. i see cute comics abt these guys being domestic and thats adorable but also giving them so much leeway bc they’re really Not that cute. not sure what the loincloth is hiding and im not sure i wanna know anyway. 3/10 really kind of. not good.

slightly bigger loincloth only means slightly bigger things to hide :( i rlly hate these guys noses and whatever the fuck toenails they have why do they have toenails?????? s’bad. the thing is tho they have the proportions of a potentially attractive gerudo which is probably what takes the edge off the general vibes of... u know... being an abomination. its also only JUST occured to me as im writing that these guys r just evolved bokoblins so. glow up i guess. 6/10 what that tongue do

ok bypassing whatever the fuck rule 34 has done to these guys, i actually dig them. i find the huge fat ones way cuter than the lil bug eyed ones. in their case theres rlly no, like... hotness about them. its just cute. i think they’re cute. any monster that is cute and also doubles up as a bed gets my vote 7/10 get urself a fella as flexible as these guys

u know what, im gonna say it, these guys r actually kinda hot. proportions arent super bad, the face aint bad and generally they have good vibes. aside from, u know, when they’re tryna shank u. id say one of the most bearable monsters to have to look at. 8/10 im not a scalie

??????????? idk what to say. u could tie these little shits to like swingball poles and beat them with rackets thatd b good. aside from that these guys have like no redeeming qualities. they’re a pain in the ass and not in a good way. 3/10 cute but like. is it worth it?

i mean,,,,,,,, someones probably into it. i dont like these guys for a lot of reason and surprisingly the thing that gets me is the fucking hair why does it have that hair its like he-man just went straight over the top with an electric razor its not a good look!!! stop trying to make it work! it wont! and again with the loincloth??? im not into it. the only thing i like abt these guys is the lil waistcoats. they have some amount of decency (but the implications it makes are Not Good). uh. 2/10. barely.

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

,,,,,9/10. but if you see a lynel up close like that chances are you died about half a minute ago

again. ??? i dont rlly like. i mean. im digging the top heavy proportions? its got the same body type as kass so like. 4/10. bit plain around the features but what can u do. i dont understand how but the igneo taluses are like. sexier

UGHGHHH I FUCKING HATE THESE THINGS okay okay okay like these motherfuckers lure u in by being quite cute and dancin around and then u get a look at their faces and its like fucking JESUS and its even WORSE when you see under their cloak and they have no necks????? and like????? they do that gay little fucking dance that pisses me off???? they’re wearing hoods that give the ILLUSION that they have necks and im im fumin ok i HATE it i hate it i have been betrayed and i will NEVER FORGET ABOUT IT UGHGHGHG I HATE THESE CUNTS -10000000000000000000000000000000000/10 die

hhhhh i just dont like em. theyre too annoying to be cute now. and whats gonna happen if i squeeze one? is like. water gonna come out? r they just gonna deflate? 4/10 tentacles are not hyrules forte it seems ://

trust kohga to send the twinks out on the front line. seriously. they’re not bad tho? kinda small and underwhelming :((( tho i give extra points for the good crazy laugh we love a good manic cackle 6/10 they dont really count as monsters but ah well where else am i gonna put em

now THATS what im talkin about babeyyyyy we love the muscles,,,,, the posture,,, the stride,,, we love it when u fuck up stealth and a torrential downpour of these motherfuckers come down to beat ur ass,,,,, 9/10 its raining men 😎

u know. u dont rlly like. get a good view of these guys when ur balls deep in a battle with them, but the more i get like closer looks at them the more i go ???? like idk. everything about them looks backwards and wrong. but as far as backwards and wrong goes its not a bad look and the boss theme is a banger so 4/10 maybe dont jump on my ass every time i step one foot onto the desert :/

i just. i dont dig it. idk why. aside from the fact they’re a monumental pain in my ass, and now everytime i hear a beep even slightly resembling a guardian i shit my pants, but. idk??? as far as robots go its not like. terrible. they’re like the milfs of robots. the milves, if u will. a rilf. except i wouldnt. so its more like riwlf. but even that leaves too much up to interpretation so im just gonna call em a cunt and go. 4/10 leg game strong

here we are,,, the big boys,,,, waterblight isnt too bad i will admit, but the spear hand is both annoying and mildly inconvenient. its got a rlly big chest but rlly thin arms?? also not sure how i feel abt the strap on beard but oh well its not like ganons got taste. 5/10 kind of average for a blight i think

a hefty motherfucker. a chunk of a lad. big large. the fact this is like one of the easiest blights makes it more forgiveable to me but like whatever its got going on with the 80s hair needs 2 be sorted out. i like its moves but it doesnt hang upside down like waterblight :((( 5/10 calm down kate bush

ok who doesnt like gun arms. and a gun back. this things like fuckin megatron. the whole face plate thing doesnt look bad either. honestly its kind of a look? but its dickheadery in aoc makes me wanna set shit on fire so :// 6/10 hot but will not leave u alone 😔

ok this one is by FAR the sexiest of all the blights. i just cant explain it. i like guys with bad posture. i had an easy time beating it but apparently its given other people a lot of grief and that makes it 10x more sexy to me lmaooo. also it can clone itself which is like. thats a win. 8/10 ganon spilt all the sexy juice into this one

ok i didnt realise how many arms this motherfucker has and the whole hairline behind the ears thing is not a great look. especially w the beard. in fact the longer i look at it the less sexy it becomes tbh. 3/10 they tried to make arachnophobia sexy and it didnt work

10/10 i will be taking questions in my inbox but i wont be taking constructive criticism and you cant make me

#botw #breath of the wild #aoc #age of calamity #calamity ganon #ganon #loz #legend of zelda #hyrule warriors age of calamity #hyrule warriors aoc #windblight #thunderblight #waterblight #fireblight #yiga #i ran out of ppl to rank and then i went wait--#;)

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incorrectdmp · 3 years

Text

DMP SEASON 4 EPISODE 9 OUT OF CONTEXT SPOILERS

okay so like. i’m GENUINELY sorry that i haven’t been updating this blog a lot outside of ooc spoilers. genuinely my sense of time rn is so messed up that i think i’m updating it semi-frequently then realize i only did one round of quotes before a new episode drops lol. didn’t even do anything for last episode my sense of time is just utterly fucked. so sorry hahaha i can’t promise i’ll try to remember things but. i still love this blog i’m just drifting outside of space and time atm

spoilers ahead as normal but honestly this episode was so chill and vibin you could PROBABLY read this update without watching and wouldn’t be majorly spoiled for much. ngl this is one of my fav ooc spoilers because not much super intense happened so i was able to capture most of the shenanigans through memes

-charlie, probably (made by pip for space game. Saved it in advance knowing it was spoilers for this episode lol)

I’m pretty sure tasting the colour pink is just peptol bismol

Charlie has reached a new low 2 episodes after the pizza image, somehow

“Despite all my rage i am still just a rat in a cage” -thorin

Alex’s nickname on the fanserver sure is real awkward now

Charlie is a weeb. next up, the sky is blue

I mean. If YOU gained god powers don’t tell me you WOULDN’T watch every anime in existence

The biggest tonal dissonance between the art and the music i’ve ever seen

-art by cam

Cant believe zephi is cg’s friend from work

NO TEARS. ONLY YOGA

My therapist: calm voice CG isn’t real he can’t hurt you. Calm voice CG:

Even the void is not immune to capitalism

COMPETITIVE YOGA

GAY PANIC TIME, THE FRIEND FROM WORK HAS ARRIVED

Vinny is phoenix wright

Junior is denied playing with dogs by virtue of not being in the show. Shame.

Thorin being left alone with zephi, this could only end well. Just look how minerva ended up!

Vinny straight up admits he’s willing to kill a dog

“Ezra, yay or nay about val’s area”

Miss Charlie steal yo girl

“I fucked your girl shitlips” -charlie, probably

Maybe ONE day the space jam scenario will see the light of day

Welcome to FUCK IT

The local mall cryptid returns at last

Two legends make a triumphant return: junior no last name and the gazebo

Junior nolastname can legally swear

Chuck.

How dare you make me sad over one piece jokes

Just Starbucks

After months of CG and grace being the best goddamn dynamic in the show despite it being ENTIRELY noncanon they GET TO FUCKING INTERACT IN THE SHOW

Alex’s hyena laugh my beloved

Paul blart flesh mall

Do not investigate the meat

Yugo wasn’t dead, he was just put in gay baby jail for a nap

-cam

ALEX BE DROPPIN HOT BARS THO

Tommathan

Hailey gets struck by the apollo ball

Yknow. A proposal. As a friend. She put a ring on it. As a friend.

Tommy and angalena h*ld h*nds

Sometimes ur just so depressed you dont realize ur girlfriend proposed to you in a romantic way

Perhaps, just once, the girls will not be fighting

TACTICAL STEALTH EZRA

“It’s like i’m a WEBSERIES CHARACTER” -hailey looks directly at the camera

DAD TIME

Dads havin a good dad talk. I’m just vibin to this music

“The surrealism of it made me nearly scream”

Daily reminder that percy blackwood punched a kid at sunday school

Things gettin spicy in this mattress store ;)

Val averts thine eyes, at the disappointment of the fans

TOES TIME

Kingdom hearts called, it wants its belts back

Dmp would be instantly solved if junior hadnt been demoted to mall cryptid. Bitch been on screen for like 5 minutes and he’s goin full cinemasins on CG’s ass

Jesus canon to dmp

Junior decided to test god, he fucks around and finds out

CG throwing a temper tantrum and ripping apart his dolls like an angy 5 year old

(bitch), CG edition

THAT’S IT YOU’RE GOING TO SPENCERS

Eternal gazebo time

HOLY SHIT???? People go to malls to SHOP???

oh wow! [eldritch screeching] my favourite pokemon!!!

HAIR SWOOSH GANG

Oh noooooooo my two favs are talking whatever will i dooooooooooo

Yall are really just gonna shove doc’s corpse into a pretzel box huh

Charlie just progresses more and more into being comically small and sad

Rip the mall announcer, lost to the parking lot. We barely knew you

Charlie is a basic bitch, we been knew

Yeahhhh no cg sure as hell aint human. No human being would reasonably wear THAT

#out of context spoilers #dmp #discord murder party #dmp spoilers

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sneezy-cheeseloaf · 3 years

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recounting the entire avengers: endgame movie, which i only saw once when it came out, from memory

because i just took the SAT and i want to do anything except think about that so get ready for a fun ride full of holes and my reenactments of scenes and quotes that i remember from however many years it’s been now since endgame came out. buckle the fuckle up

movie opens, clint’s whole ass family fucking dies. cue killing spree fueled by grief and anger. HashTag Relatable

tony is floating through space with nebula and teaching her how to play paper football

holy shit is this how tony dies

“pep” ouc h

oh hey he’s home, dope

The Gang (tm) learns where thanos’s farm is somehow i can’t really remember

“perhaps i judged you too harshly”

“???? thor????” “what? i went for the head”

“five” five what?? days?? weeks??? months???? oh boy i can’t wait to find ou- “years later” HUH???????

steve looks the exact same, so i guess he kept up that workout schedule even through the snap. i mean good for him honestly

and is also running a talk therapy group like sam did

a single smidgen of gay representation but it’s a good start ig

i don’t really remember what everyone else was doing, i just know that tony and pep have morgan now but idk if that gets revealed now or later

the only reason we had a movie is because of a rat. everyone say thank you to Rat for releasing scott lang, please. round of applause

scott’s daughter is all grown up and catch me sobbing over the fact that he wasn’t there to see it

somewhere in here nat is crying and eating a sandwich and honestly girl same

“hey!!! it’s me!!!! scott lang!!! ant man???? also what the hell happened???? lemme IN”

cue scott lang having a single brain cell and bringing up time travel. i think it was him that proposed the idea. maybe not. but imma give him credit

oh yeah bruce and hulk are besties now and bruce is just permanently Like That

and cue everyone being shook at the idea of time travel

time to go see Science Man at his house on the lake

“i wish you had come for anything else.” ouch

gang leaves dejectedly

peter. that’s it. and suddenly tony is all hands on deck

cue science mumbo jumbo in the middle of the night while he eats something out of a bag that i can’t remember

“shit!!” “sHiT!!!” “NO”

“i love you 3000″

Science Man reveals that he has, indeed cracked the code to literal time travel

cue nat, the only person with an umbrella, going to find clint who is busy with murder, as he does

“don’t do that. don’t give me home” stfu budapest man and get in the car.

thor has. enlargened. and is now playing fortnight with korg as a means to cope with what happened plus losing loki, as i think we all would

The Gang is back together and working (surprisingly) coordinately and throwing ideas around and it’s actually very cute. and it makes my heart very happy. and i want to cry every time i think about it because we all know what comes next

scott’s taco gets blown away. bruce gives him another. all is well in the world

and in this exhibit we see the only brain cell in the whole group, which is being used by rhodey at all times

“why don’t we just,,,, (choking motion)” “to a BABY???”

during the time tests someone gets reverted to a baby but i don’t remember who and it’s highkey disturbing

“i consider this an absolute win!!”

cue slo mo walk with the cool white time suits that everyone looks so good in

“see you in a minute” that smile. she looks so happy. sobbing

i think it’s in here that all the color go through steve’s eyes, so let’s just take a minute to acknowledge how pretty he is

“just for the record, that suit did nothing for your ass.” “i don’t remember asking you to look”

“that’s america’s ass.” yes it is scott you’re absolutely right

“i cOuLd dO tHiS aLL dAy” “yeah i knoOoOW”

time for tony to give tony a heart attack and then just stare in what i can only assume is amusement. i’m pretty sure that comes after america’s ass but maybe not

somewhere in here steve is just staring at peggy through blinds and it’s sad when you see it but when you think about it afterwards, it’s so funny for no reason

time to get whacked by a very angry hulk who was not allowed to use the elevator

“NO STAIRS”

tony goes flying. so does the tesseract. loki, in handcuffs, is like “oh bet this is mine now” and. Leaves.

i’m pretty sure it’s bruce who goes and gets schooled by The Ancient One on the multiverse, and i say it’s bruce because i think he’s the only one out of The Gang who could ever actually wrap his head around it

i don’t remember exactly how they get the tesseract but they do

thor and rocket are in asgard and thor has a panic attack, as I think we all would if we had to talk to our dead mother and pretend like we don't know what's going to happen

and remember kids, slapping someone is not the way to handle a panic attack. anyways

a mother always knows

"i'm still worthy!!!!" you always were, thor. you never stopped being worthy

and we have our hammer back

cue sobbing on vormir

“clint. it’s ok. it’s ok.” that smile.

nat’s fucking dead and i’m fucking dead inside let’s keep this party goin

other stones are recovered and i don’t really remember how but hey we got all six

“where’s nat?” cue more sobbing from me and from clint as you can see each and every team member’s heart drop to the fucking floor. especially steve

yeah maybe we’re doing this for half the universe and all the people we lost, but mostly for nat now

tony’s makeshift infinity gauntlet has entered the chat

Green Man is the only one who can physically take the power of the stones, so the fate of literally everything they have ever done up to this point is on him

snap rest in peace bruce’s arm

cue every single person in the theater holding their breath

“guys. it worked.”

cue explosion as their facility gets bombed and i am terrified that it has killed the entire gang

but it obviously has not and i am once again a Class A Idiot

i can't remember if it’s steve or tony who wakes up first but one shakes the other awake and is like “get the fuck up bitch idk what just happened but we got a problem”

everyone is mostly fine. but they’re all alive and that’s what matters

and now we have the setting for the entire rest of the movie basically

oh hey thanos. that’s uh. that’s a big army you got there

i don’t really remember everything that happened with The Past thanos, gamora, and nebula but i remember that gamora once again sees what a twat her adoptive father is and is like “oh hell na”

cue the gang fighting for their lives against Past thanos. literally

oh shit thor’s about to be killed????

OH MY GOD HE HAS THE HAMMER

cue the theater screaming as they should

hell yeah. bonk that giant space grape with the god of thunder’s hammer. you go steve. and look like a badass doing it as you should

shit’s still fucked and they eventually get their asses handed to them one by one

somewhere in here the shield breaks just like we saw in age of ultron. and like damn bro i liked that thing

steve stands up by himself because bitch. you cant kill him unless he says so. he dies on his own terms. he didn’t live for over a fucking century to die like this

our mans is standing up against a whole ass army knowing full well that he can’t win but damn if he aint ready to try

“ok listen strange. you have to open the portal to his left. his LEFT. you hear me???”

“steve. STEVE. on your left.”

cue the most goosebump-inducing scene that i have ever seen and probably will ever see. i would do anything to see that scene for the first time again. that feeling was like nothing i’ve ever experienced

the amazing symphonics are NOT helping my already-about-to-explode-from-excitement heart

now the gang’s ALL here. and we all cry because all of our peeps are back from the dead and we all missed them and highkey grieved for them after infinity war

i can’t remember if steve actually sees bucky yet but i think he does and i wanted to cry on the spot because not only did i miss bucky but man did i just want them to see each other again

cue sick pan of the whole ass marvel roster like smash ultimate, including howard duck somewhere in there

PETER OUR BOY SWINGIN ON IN

“AVENGERS. assemble.” “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA”

but we all know damn well that not a single person could hear him whisper that shit. like steve bro speak up a little

and the battle for the ages commences

we get to see all our favorite boys are girls fuck shit up and it’s absolutely incredible. wow it really feels like someone’s missing who could that be.

this is now a very elaborate game of keepaway

“catch” “Catch” “CATCH “CATCH”

“hey queens” he remembered. catch me cryin

“hey peter. got somethin for me?” god i love her. flew through a whole ass spaceship. no stoppin her

t'challa remembers clint's name. he did care

oh yeah scott is fucking humongous again, but third time’s the charm ig. maybe he won't pass the fuck out this time

somewhere in here, strange starts holding like. an entire ocean back and i dont really remember where it came from

we get a whole segment of marvel women kicking ass and taking names and i think i just need to take a minute. WE collectively need to take a minute

carol flies straight through a spaceship and everyone is like ???? hello????? where have you been?????????

carol gets literally headbutted by thanos and doesnt move a fucking inch. and that look of murder in her eyes. she could tell me to walk into a pit of lava and i would not question it. the power

“launch the missiles!!!” “but sir, our army-” “DO IT”

damn thanos our expectations for you were low but holy fuck

somewhere in here i think petter quill sees Past gamora and is like gamora???? and she like kicks him in the balls or somethin and is like “this is the ones i picked?????”

the fight continues and honestly a lot of it’s a blur but damn was it not the coolest thing i’ve ever seen.

cue strange knowing exactly how this was gonna go down, and holding up a single finger

i dont think ive ever seen that look on tony's face before

oh shit thanos has the gauntlet and all the stones. fuck.

wait holdup that gauntlet looks a little funky

WAIT HOLDUP

“i am inevitable”

“and i. am iron man.”

the theater, once again holds its breath

all is lowkey calm and everyone is shook

thanos’s entire army slowly fades away. including one of those big worm things that almost eats (i think it was) rocket but like. dusts right as it hits the ground and is a really cool shot

and thanos sits down on a rock. and finally is gone. and it's so cathartic

oh joyous day!! they’ve won!! they’ve done it!!! wait holdup where’s tony. i remember what happened to bruce where the fuck is tony

wait

wait hold on

wait hold on a minute

“we did it. we won, mr stark. we won. please, mr stark”

“pep.”

“it’s ok. you can rest. you can rest.”

i have officially passed away and am a sobbing mess. you can’t do this to me. he’s gonna come back. there’s no way. tony stark doesn’t die. no.

this is a fucking funeral. i am going to combust into tears

“proof that tony stark has a heart”

i just wanted him to be able to see morgan grow up.

but him and nat are eating shawarma together in the sky now.

“i’m recording this in case something goes wrong, which it won’t.”

“i love you 3000.”

oh we’re still rolling. oh we don’t even get a minute to process

steve is leaving??? wait holdup we cant lose both. no

“are you sure about this?” “i have to”

“i’m with you til the end of the line” so that was a fucking lie

but steve deserves to do what makes him happy. so i can’t be too mad. actually, nah i aint even mad i’m just sad

bucky looks so dejected. so sad. someone please give him a hug. he desperately needs it

oh hey steve. but you’re old now. hey then, grandpa. how did you. get there

buck and sam go talk to him as they should

“you wanna talk about her?” “no, i don’t think i will”

“how does it feel?” “like it belongs to someone else”

sam has officially inhered the shield, and by extension, his very own bucky barnes. it’s a packaged deal

clint’s got his family back. and they can finally finish their picnic or whatever they were doing at the beginning of the movies

and steve finally got that dance. finally. and he looks so happy. so content.

and that’s about all i remember

i have not watched endgame since i saw it in theaters when it came out because i absolutely do not have the emotional stability to do it again. but damn the disney plus shows have been bangin

i hope you enjoyed the ride, thank you for joining me in my. whatever the fuck this is

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misterbitches · 3 years

Text

i had the misfortune of finally watching/getting through what happened in whatever episode where he gets raped so im gonna talk about it and tag it cos that's what a bitch fuckin feels like, got it? i do what i want aint no limit bad ass bitch aint never been timid. woopsie realized i got the nicknames confused oh well lmao

it's just logistically and plot wise like there's literal plot holes in this and i'm taking the production and set-up into account along with the actual content and development. im an ARTIST OKAY im jk i mean i am and i am pretentious and terrible but look. i didnt get that degree and im not in a house worth of debt for nothing ok. it's called writing on tumblr about my grievances of shows that dont matter and do not respect me as a fat black american woman either so it is my fault yet here i am.

anyway it was worse than i imagined and their talk after (with chengren) was even worse. that's what i mean about making the lines their own (the actors) bc teng teng sounded like a straight up motherfucking moron and im like

bECAUSE IT'S HIM EVEN THO IM LIKE WHAT THE FUCK DID U JUST SAY U STUPID BITCH? but then it's like awwww and they also care about his wellbeing obviously??? but no? but it's like ok still teng teng said it even if it's stupid because he is a character and charles puts that forth. the people that fail the most to do that are xing si's family but that's not the actors fault because it's the literal material. you're like wait what but you just said...?

so i know they have no script editors i guess i think i find this season ACTUALLY fascinating because of just how egregious it is. i also went back and watched history: obsessed which i thought i liked because of their chemistry even though god the production....but i tried rewatching it and i was like wow this is worse than i remembered and the production issues were even worse because some of the music was SO LOUD AND BAD HOLY FUCK and their whole rship isssssss a sight to behold lmao

so man i guess it really is the power of anson/charles. which is good cos we love to see it...sort of but also a lot.

i honestly....because i've been able to pay attn more to the aftermath of the rape going back and putting it into more context and focusing (just barely lmao) is hm even worse. the inconsistencies are insane. it's not even just about the act but the writers have zero idea where they are going because they have no interest in exploring it. but the way in which it happens is like fascinating. yong jie literally thinks he owns xing si and it doesn't matter if he was kissing him or not or asked for a kiss on the lips (which dude what the fuck? i'll get to that) because he was plied with "extremely strong drinks" and his mom knew about it....which girl congrats you're an accomplice to the rape of your son by your other son?

but first of all...the kissing thing. in what fucking world would he (xing si) want that unless he thought he (yong jie) was someone else. i can't say their attraction is evident because we are being lead by this team to think so; they create this false sense of sensuality already so to me that signifies that they never intended for them to have a bond as brothers. it just feels cheap and fucking lazy (which it is.) even if he did, which doesn't make sense considering the context THEY CONSTRUCTED, it wouldn't matter because he was so fucking drunk which.... at that point nothing is fun, you feel sick, who wants sex like that? does he not have whiskey dick? did they have a condom? was it not painful for him considering? even if this was something to easily get over like was the dick good? it couldn't have been. and then, on top of that, there's the fact that you can change your mind or whatever but also that people do get aroused in these situations bc it is human nature (that's if they can literally get aroused which if the drinks were allegedly sooooo strong that nigga would be out so....again like even practically here it doesnt add up. have these people ever been drunk? if not, write what you know girl. cos sometimes it's like i think some of u r trying to be cool when u dont have 2 b lmao)

so yong jie coming on to him previously may be seen as like push-and-pull but here's the thing. right after it happens (the rape and it's rape so call it that you'll be okay) xing si gets up and goes home and is terrified and upset. he acts like what we have seen or even felt after a violation. he's scared, clutching his bag, it's like...you know...decently coming off as truly distressing (the actor isn't bad at all and i like that he's dark. i just massively hate this for him but hey at least he can show some chops.) like honestly man that fucking sucks and hurts to see. if we've been there we feel it. or part of it is realizing belatedly what happened. a lot of times that drop in your stomach is the worst.

but somehow for some reason, to which i cannot understand, the three of them begin to talk as if xing si pressured him? which maybe i missed something and that is possible—dont feel like going back to look—but that also made no sense. like what kind of false memory is this? why would he think he wasn't willing? and if he thought yong jie wasn't and that he pressured him how does he remember like...anything about the sex?!?!??!? besides waking up and being with him. like i guess he felt yong jie's MASSIVE DONG imprint but ??!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!??!? MAKE IT MAKE SENSE!!!!!

god then the logic of the top/bottom thing is like i said i wasnt going to get into it but it's actually really funny. this whole thing was hilarious. honestly because I DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT THAT MEANS. he could have totally raped him in that way but how did you get to this CONCLUSION FROM THAT??????? BY YOUR LOGIC THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS? IF HE IS THE BOTTOM AND PENETRATION IS THE ONLY FORM OF TRUE CONSUMMATION AND RAPE BECAUSE APPARENTLY, BASED ON ANATOMY, IF YOU HAVE A DICK IN UR BUTT UR A GIRL THEN HOW. DOES. THIS. MAKE. SENSE. AND THEN

AND THEN

this whole stupid conversation happens so we get to the conclusion that xing si violated him ok cool but that means that something is wrong. that is the CONCLUSION WE CAME TO A SECOND AGO?

also the other rapist is a villain and muren isn't in love with him so, once again, you're breaking the rules of your own world about acceptability which is why most of this is absolutely mind bogggglinG that iit's fuckign comical. like i actually when i can stomach it start laughing or my jaw is slack because it's so insulting as a viewer because there is like 0 logical followthrough.

because whatshisface barges in, kisses him in front of his friends without permission, then says whether you were willing or not which is hm. at that point how u gonna change that around but let's not bother with logic here. i am simply here to point out how this makes no sense according to the rules they set up even outside of the basic rule of life which is hm dont rape people maybe.

so now we know xing si was raped, they believe he was raped, he himself believes he was raped, and whatshisface literally says he doesn't care even if he was willing (he wasn't) so he admits to rape. i don't believe in the police and i hate them (BL industry needs the cops but dont get me down that road) but no one...thought to go?

because according to history 4 logic nothing matters so im sure if he went to the police you could handwave the homophobia since there's no actual context for anything besides their whimsy. but they dont want to do that because they aren't interested in an arc of growth; redemption isn't possible unless he is removed from the family but again no work on thinking this through or thinking about the victim's feelings. because gay sex? who fucking knows. supposedly progressive taiwanese writers of gay shit (like how supposedly progressive the world is. as in it is not and this behavior is the norm and bl perpetuates that) can't think of transformative justice?

and then they gave bad advice so we wont acknowledge that because teng teng doing anything wrong/stupid is frequent but hurts me and also that storyline is not real so i pretend they are not there outside of this post

so all of this is just straihgt up clownery now because it's fucking absurd like logically, practically, human-wise. the kissing thing is inconsequential but it was such a lazy cheap way out lmao cos they really wanted it to seem consensual but that's not how it works. on top of that their attraction makes no sense because whatshisface is just there. he is just there. he's nothing and no one so the sentiments are even more empty and on top of that he doesnt listen to a single request fucking obviously because the basis of their relationship is fucking rape so fucking listening and respecting his partner is not on his list of fucking priorities. he's literally so fucking annoying even without being a rapist it's like someone please beat his ass.

and then after all of that you want us to feel bad? with your horrible writing, poorly misplaced music, stupid costumes (those fucking SHOES THEY ARE HIDEOUS, AND MOST OF THIER CLOTHES DO NOT FIT IT'S LIKE WHY), questionable fucking editing. we're supposed to wnat them together? this sounds literally fucking crazy but bear with me lmao even with the rape they could at least have SOMETHING i mean like i cant believe im fucking saaying this. but like in addicted heroin which is fuckin tragic and awful at least there's a MODICUM of interest but honestly that show s a fucknig drag. idk they lookd good together? here we have 0. nothing. and it doesnt motivate. watching obsessed again i can see why i liked it in the beginning bc they have good chemistry but the acting and production adn like everything about it plus the rape-y vibes it's just too much. you need to pick one thing so if you're going to be a shit writer at least supplement it with something. this thing is nothing.

and even more nonsensical and what boggles my mind frankly out of all this is the mother's involvement and the father's final response. there are NO consequences? theyre all happy?

ok so lets go through this:

1. 2 boys grow up 2gether, one of the boys is fucking psycho, the mother knows but does nothing??????????????

2. one of the sons moves out so his father doesn't get a hint that's he's fucking gay. ok fine. he has 2 best friends, a job, an apt. he is fine.

3. aforementioned brother is obsessed with him for SOME REASON besides being crazy?

3.5 no one has done anything during him growing up to help him not be crazy?

4. mom says to husband who is their father also just in case we forget "im afraid he will lose his humanity"

4.5 again, do nothing. 0. just like oh man hes crazy. guess that's just our son ;)

4. who cares. plies him with alcohol purposefully to rape him. not even dubious (even though dubious is fucked and not okay or is just not. fucking real. these shows are contextless when they want to be or even movies or whatever so it's like largely not up to the task to understand complexity in human rships and then oversimplifies it constantly because that's what we do IRL. but people have fucking feelings you know and we realize when things don't feel good or right to us either very quickly after or having to process it. and once you're eyes are opened you may feel as something was fucking ripped away from you. for the modc couple this would be a very logical conclusion for the high schooler the thirty year old dated but again logic or feelings are up to their whimsy. no one cares bc everything can be counted as dubious so honestly it's a fucking stupid fucking topic like again why are we litigating what is and isnt consent when you could just like idk. read cues? consent? wait? not be a freak? like we all know what is proper human shit so even if we are watching this uncritically which u cant bc it's glaring and stupid it's just even more dumb) so it was honestly a rape plot like he literally planned it soooooooooo??!?!

5. aftermath of rape the victim is like literally fucking bereft and confused. and a rape victim. like that's what they are insinuating and what also he is to be clear.

6. boy tells him "idc if i raped u i luv u lmao"

7. mom ENCOURAGED THE BOY to get him drunk because her other son was too nice? she encouraged her adult son to rape her adult step-son (but her real son because she repeatedly says you are my son and the dad does too THEY GREW UP TOGETHER WHEN THE KID WAS IN AN IMPRESSIONABLE STATE) so THIS ALSO MAKES EVEN LESS MOTHERFUCKING SENSE

8. everyone finds out about his rape and he isnt mortified he's just concerned about himself being gay to his dad?????? except it's not really about his gayness bc now it's about his sudden love for his rapist brother? which? hm ok. understandable the dad is like wow i do not think i like this

9. dad knows all of it is fucked up, everyone does, knows the mother fucked up, knows he fucked up. doesnt like it because he is normal. so we know this is terrible? ok great so—

10. father says "i can't accept this...but i'm willing to give you my blessing" ok see here's the thing. when you write you have to think about the things you are putting on the page and what you have written previously. this quite literally made no sense how the fuck are you going to not accept them but give them your blessing? does this crew know what the fuck words are? i'm assuming they went to some sort of school to obtain jobs here bc there cannot be natural talent or experience. maybe most of them are rich. fuck i do not know but this also makes no sense. just the literal logic of it it's like fucking insane the whiplash.

10.5 apparently this father is also shitty. everyone here sucks and they are basically begging me to think xing si is a fucking idiot so i dont even want to look at him if he is an object he doesnt matter so now i want to kick him. thanks a lot you made the victim get absolutely fucking nothing

they KEEP PUSHING the brother thing it is so insane and it's liek GUYS WE GET IT WE UNDERSTAND THEYRE "RELATED" BUT NOT RELATED SO IT'S OK HE WAS "RAPED" BUT NOT RAPED but you're GOING BACK ON YOUR OWN RULES!!!!!!!!!! WE GET THAT THEY ARE BROTHERS!!! WE'RE OVER IT NOW BUT WHAT IS THIS WHEN WE ALREADY ESTABLISHED SOMETHING? I AM CONFUSION? they flip flop between my son, my brother my actual brother, and cannot fucking distinguish between love for your father and love for your romantic partner? so to me what i see is that the father wants to fuck the son. that's the conclusion i am garnering now considering nothing matters and his love for his "brother" is the same as his love for his dad lmao. they couldnt even do that in a way that made sense. like damn anybody can get anything. these ppl who are doing this have to be fucking rich and/or have connections.

also this guy sounds literally like a textbook abuser like he says constantly "im the best choice" is a rapist is awful holds capital (oh hees "saving" smh ur trapping her!!!!! RETIRE!!!!) also wears terrible shoes so i am like ur alllllllllLLLLL FUCKING CRAZY ur all literally crazy and then they are trying to set rules and boundaries in their fucking house like WHY ARE THEY LIVING TOGETHER EVEN? even tho oh my god they know he raped him and for some reason they are both allowing to live in the house but they dont want them to have sex??!?!?!??!??!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?! i get that this is their house but this is like at this point these ppl are writing anything and now whatshisface is acting like a 2 yr old again and we are supposed to find this cute? like it makes 0 sense why do u fucking care u literally encouraged ur son to rape him so they cant have consensual sex under your nose now and have to wait four years? this is coming from the son who couldnt wait until someone was sober enough to realize hes fucking psychotic and should be killed also the fact that they act like being 20 means u have no fucking brain like this kid is in med school supposedly how do we know like hes a liar and an idiot so. also wait do they mean undergrad? how are you in med school at 20? is he a genius? girl i dont care lmao i guess i missed that but it's not like it matters so whatever

even if we ignore the stupidity of the literal acts, the grossness of the content, the absolute inability to write coherently or even remotely in a way where we would even want to see them together which is like....u set it up at the beginning so he punches "the love his life's best friend" also holy fuck im sorry remember when he punches muren because xing si got too drunk. so i'm guessing whatshisface is that good of a bartender that he makes super strong drinks and gets xing si drunk but his alcohol is magical therefore it doesn't make him sick. his alcohol is the type that gets you drunk but somehow doesnt get to your liver even though that's how we get drunk but dont ask guys he's only in med school and a bartender so i think he knows best (seriously have the main writers had a day of fun in their lives? have they ever been drunk? are they toddlers? drunk babies could probably do better tho.) i get that he was also jealous but if this kid is SOOOOOO genius (he understands social cues lmao he has the cpacity to project onto his victim so im like miss me with the not understanding shit. go to a fucking therapist like seriously did no one care abt this kid? his mother thinks he's like almost a goddamn murderer. how is she not dead? how are they all not dead? how do any of them know how to drive with this type of brain?) then he would understand that they are very clearly friends since he watched them part in a very platonic way and since he apparently knows what love is cos he thinks....he can....make someone fall in love with him bc he loves them? again, i wouldnt know hes 20 and taiwanese and im 29 and black from AMERICA so im WESTERN* so you know. different life experiences i guess XD

even if we do mental gymnastics to get it to a place where they "had sex" and he didnt rape him there's 0 ZERO ZERO ZERO ZERO ties to the literal story they wrote and the rules they set up. i'm going ot assume they dont know wtf theyre doing and i know for a fact we all care more about their dumb show than they do but it's actually startling how piss poor this is it's like idek what to compare it to. the continuity is awful awful awful they needed a script supervisor majorly and they are making bank and are going to make fucking bank fof this shit. and itll just continue like that until IRL material changes and that's facilitated by these very same groups they choose to profit off of and exploit by propelling it into the mainstream and litigating homosexuality through capitalism. and i'm being specific with homosexuality. i dont want a GL market like at all and i know why we wouldnt have it either and that has everything to do with the nature of BL, capitalism, coercion, and the fanbase being young girls and women. i don't think in this day and age we can safely say all the fans are straight; i'm sure a majority but many women or people on the gender spectrum and sexuality spectrum also consume it. frankly, it's possible the women who write it could be or something too. i dont rly believe any1 is str8 lmao but im just saying it's not out of the realm of possibility. but it isnt about that at all. that's why we wont see "good" female characters (like well written) often that's why we won't see trans women or kathoeys or fat people or black asians in it. a lot of it is is a choice we participate in whatever. but holy fuck dude u could at least respect the audience's fucking intelligence. i'm talking about everything i think that is encapsulated in the project but it's even more jarring and worse because it's so insanely inconsistent and poorly done. like how we jump from one conclusion to another is wild to me. even their first "night together" and he wakes up im like girl....u no ur ass felt it. this nigga broke into his house and was like "im gonna have u" like it's getting weird

just make xing si suffer offscreen not us the stupidity is staggering, mind blowing, hilarious.

how wong kar wai, a straight man from HK (or at least married to a woman), or barry jenkins, a striahgt black man, write/do stories well about people they wouldnt knw about their experiences directly is....well thinking like using their brains and like knowing all types of people? the man who co-wrote moonlight is a hOMOSEXUAL, leslie cheung was fucking gay or queer (and he committed suicide and that's important also RIP homie) both are hailed as queer cinema like WKW wanted to do something else and invested time into it, changed the way he played around with structure, moved away from his crime oriented stuff. he THOUGHT about it and this film is about their reality. it's a harsh film, idk how i feel about it (but my fav movies of his are the crime ones or the messy ones where it's clear he didnt write a script lmao fallen angels is one of my fav movies its' abt assassins kinda) but i know it means something. and he didnt like what HK had previously wasnt enough. it is not the only cinema that should be shown since it's such a stark reality and depressing but it is a real depiction so we can have all sorts of stuff. no this isnt WKW level or moonlight level but i know for a fact these people think they are doing something because artists always do i say this as one and someone who is equally as useless. you're making a statement.

i also hate the westerner component of peoples analyses. first of all dont do cultural relativism. we can critique and respect. but second of all how are we going to keep saying "dont put western ideals on this" when that is what is happening anyway because that's part and parcel for soft power and capitalism. how about taiwan's history with the KMT? what about the regimes young people fought about? aided by US imperialism which permeates through society and affects material conditions, views, democracy, identity and that goes into culture and media. hm? what about that? is that reality too fucking western for people? that we are doing the same thing again now? is that okay to talk about or is that only on your time?

then there's the argument that this is just entertainment. yea no shit but the thing is if we r gonna talk about marginalized groups and watch bc of marginalized groups and then be expected to identify then i dont see why i cant put this in context. even if it wasnt fucking serious we'd still judge it. but it's so pompous and again like i wouldnt say EYE think it's art but it is "art" in the literal sense and no self respecting artist would ever go "man this means nothing." of course im not sure if they do respect themselves so hey but u cant just go oh man it's entertainment when it literally rests on the fact that HOMOS are MARGINALIZED. it literally rests on the fact that WOMEN ARE OBJECTS. you either want progress or you dont. i dont understand being so demanding but not beign specific in the demands and not trying to use your brain. if you dont want to use your brain don't. but if you are looking , engaging, and keep making these arguments or telling ppl it doesnt matter whilst complaining about how much others care is hypocritical at best, willfully obtuse at worst. both bad. :)

(also all this + another thing; it is insulting to have this like wedding happen based off of this stupid relationship when people fought so hard and had to push it. now they can use the material conditions to their advantage but it's so ridiculous. also because there is difficulty still in getting married in taiwan i'm honestly like....the boldness of the writers...)

#history 4 #history 4: close to you #*dont call me western ever #a thot

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chaotic-neutral-toga · 3 years

Text

guys guys guyss

Eros and Psyche Prinxiety AU???

Roman is Eros because love and god damn Eros is a dumbass he stabbed himself with his own arrow in awe of Psyche's beauty not joking

Virgil is Psyche because gorgeous and everyone loves him but no one actually interacts with him, they worship him from afar and hes a sad boi

uhh who would be jealous of virgil?? you know what, Remus is our aphrodite, hes a brat and wants people to worship him too so he calls up his bro like "hey theres this prince can you make him love a gross monster thx" and Roman's already kinda gay at prince but he agrees, scoots down to the mortal world, but oh fuck hes adorable and in awe stabs himself with his arrow

so later Virgil goes to the oracle(deceit ig) who says "yeah youre gonna fall in love with someone even the gods fear totally not lying" and following the 'prophecy' thats definitely legit, Virgil sits at a cliff waitin for his scary bf and gets carried to a mansion/palace by the west wind(uhh Patton ig??)

so his bf is invisible and its like "so im your bf and you can stay in this dope palace and chill but im invisible okay" and Virgil's pretty chill with that deal so hes cool but then in a while idk his jealous siblings(fuck uhh orange and pink side sure) are like "hey what if your bf is a terrible murder monster whos planning to kill you,, you should check and kill him first if so" and thats really bs but Virgil's anxious so that night he has a lamp to illuminate him and a dagger to maybe kill him but then he sees that the bf is Roman and oh fuck hes adorable and then the dumbass stabs himself with one of Roman's arrows and is double in love

but oops the lamp oil thought he was hot too and jumped??on?him?? wtf is mythology i swear thats from the og myth anyway lamp oil hurts so Roman wakes up and he feels betrayed and hurt so he flies off and goes to Remus all "remusss he burned mee im dyingg" like the dramatic bitch he is and Remus is like 'well at first i was kinda just playin but now this is a personal attack' and he scoots down to the mortal world and goes "oh you want your bf back?? earn it hoe" and gives Virgil impossible challenges but Virgil gets helped by some spiders, this water spirit or somethin, and zeus(Thomas) himself because even Thomas knows this is bs

by now Roman's done being a dramatic wimp and wants to go back to his bf now but Remus is still an angy brat and won't let him. the last challenge he gives to Virgil is to go to the underworld, get persephone(uvugtv fuck it Logan) to put some magic or somethin in a box and come back,, so Virgil goes there, Logan seems to do the thing, but as he's walking back he's like "hey this is the freakin underworld and the king just put magic in the box wtf does underworld magic look like??" and his curious opens the box and he fucking dies(yeah in the og myth persephone was just sending aphrodite straight death what a legend)

Roman aint havin this shit, gets Virgil, says "ayo Thomas can you like un-dead him, im love him and as incentive, it'll piss off remus slightly" and Thomas is like "oh fuck yeah an excuse to piss off the gremlin" and revives Virgil as a god and yay a greek myth that doesn't end tragic!

I wrote this so impulsively ill edit it for grammer mistakes but like mythology guys im a slut for it,,

#sanders sides #eros and psyche #prinxiety #prinxiety au #edit late8r

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thecringefailintherye · 3 years

Text

Oliver! (1968) Live (re) watch!

i have already seen oliver!, but not in ages, so i decided to watch it again, enjoy

very long post warning

fuckin hell these opening credits are LONG

i love the fact instrumentals of songs in the movie are playing

i have chocolate popcorn, apple lucozade and oliver! on, life is good

yes i know mark lester is oliver ive seen this like 20 times can i watch the film now

OH ABOUT FUCKING TIME

god is love

IS IT WORTH THE WAITING FOR IF WE LIVE TILL 84 ALL WE EVER GET IS GRUELL

i forgot how much of a banger food glorious food is

LOOK AT BABY MARK LESTER 🥺🥺🥺

ads in middle of movie be like

its harry secombe!

AMENNNN

oliver gets bullied the movie

look at this poor kid

MOREE????????

oh yes oliver i love this song

O L I V E R

poor kid

without any bannister yikes

the one who named him........O-L-IV-ERRR

oh were outside now

olivers just been kicked out oh shit

but on the plus side he has a cute ass hat on

BOY FOR SAY AL

look at oliver 🥺 he deserves better

SOWERBERRY MORE LIKE SHITTERBERRY

theres a severe lack of thats your funeral and i shall scream

noah claypole more like noah clayprick

“perhaps... if i had a tall hat?” BABEY

HES GOT HIS TALL HAT ON YES OLIVER

oliver said dab on them haters from your old gaff youre a funeral advisor now and theyre still homeless

DONT INSULT HIS MUM FUCK YOU NOAH

YES OLIVER KILL HIM

yes stuff the nine year old in a coffin and sit on it well done

"OLIVAH ??" "Yes im here: ((("

ITS MEAT!

oliver deserves better man

im gonna cry and were like 25 minutes in.

ik its not mark singing but whoever it is CAN SING WTF

i want to give him a hug

OH SHIT HES RUNNING AWAY

hes in the lettuce

LONDON YOU MADE IT !

yes oliver trains exist

DODGER!!!

whach you starin at aint ya ever seen a toff

the beak

look at lil jack wild

me more hintimate friends

cockney accent™️

the artful dodga

CONSIDERR YOURSSELF AT HOEME COSNIDER YOURSWLF OEN OF THE FAMILY !!!!!!!!!!

im sorry i love this song

look this scene is awesome, but it would be COMPLETE with charley oh wait he was demoted to extra and everything interesting abt him was given to dodger

he should have gotten the nobody tries to be ladeeda or uppity bit I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL

this cast is BIG

okay i am a Charger Enthusiast but do we all agree there is something oddly homosexual about oliver and dodger in this song

note how dodger is scared of the police FORESHADOWING

ive taken to this SO STRONGITSCLEARWEREGOINGTOGETALONG

how many extras is this ???? yall better be gettin paid

its dodga comin up

this set is sraight out of the book i love it

CHARLEY MATE IM SORRY THEY MADE YOU AN EXTRA

“oh not again” does dodger just always show up with random workhouse kids

ah yes fagin the character whos still a negative jewish stereotype

more and more big cast

THESE SAUSAGES ARE MOULDY! (am i going to freak out whenever charley does anything because i love him? yes)

stfu drink your gin

is this a laundry?? no fam

THE BEST FUCKING SONG IN THIS MUSICAL

IN THIS LIFE ONE THING COUNTS

sorry if i dont add to this until pick a pocket or two is done bc its a straight banger

this song is EVERYTHING

hard at work lol ok

did he make those himself??? no

couple a wipes

EMBROIDERED THEM??? no

petition for all oliver twist adaptations to refer to charley as master bates like the book and for him to have actual lines and not have his actor switched at least three times

i dont even now who charley is at this point because his actor is switched many a time im just gonna say purple blazer kid is charley

anyway charley bates supremacy

whos bill sikes??? NO

fuck bill all my homies hate bill

rum tum tum is a banger

go bed now

take your hat off in bed dodger

movie fagin has rights

fagin leaving where will he go

BET IS THAT YOU

FUCK OFF BILL NO ONE LIKES YOU

NANCY NANCY HES HERE !!!!!! bet deserves everything and more ily 💖

NANCYYYY!!!!!!

its a fine life more like its a banger

wheres all of bets lines gone

bet 🤝 charley (being demoted to extras)

its not funny anyore bet.. bet girl please sing youre the best fucking thing about this song

such a happy song about domestic abuse

THERE SHE IS THATS MY GIRL BET I FUCKING LOVE YOU

bullsye rights!

i hate how this movie made fagin more symathetic but he’s still a “greedy jew” stereotype

oliver?????

at this moment fagin knew he fucked up

nancy you deserve better than bill

oh hi dodger forgot you existed

and the rest of you except oliver

ah yes charley “sausages” bates i missed you

THESE FUCKING KIDS THEY ALL LOVE BET AND NANCY MY HEART

im a regular gent i am. no dodger you arent

why is “permit me to assist you across the road” so fucking funny

pov dodgers back on his bullshit so you have to pretend to be a horse and cart for him

not “sir artful” 😭😭😭

anyfink for youu

WHAT FISTICUFFS???!!!

i feel sorry for the child extras man theyve prob had to film this scene like ten times

THESE KIDS CAN SING

the boys dancing with eachother is too fucking wholesome i love this

again, movie fagin rights

weed riissk lifee and limmbb

you promised we could go see the angin!!!!!

ats on boys time were off

THIS IS MY FAVOURITE SONG

HOW COULD WE LET HOW COULD WE FORGET OUR DEAR OLD FAGIN WORRY!!

mate that aint single file did you not hear him

am i the only one who can hear london bridge is falling down in the back??

our pockets hold a watch of gold that chimes upon the hour!!! a wallet fat an old mans hat!!! the jewels from the tower!!!

WE KNOW THE NOSEY POLICEMEENNNN

dodger and charley (i am SURE charley is purple blazer kid even if havent seen this film in ages) are GETTING INTO THIS

oliver 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

movie fagin rights pt 27238227

DODGER OLIVER COME ON!!!!!!!!! alright dude chill

ARE YALL SEEING THIS SHIT, I WAS RIGHT, I TOLD YOU THAT THE LAD IN THE PURPLE BLAZER WHO SINGS “a wallet fat an old mans hat” WAS CHARLEY BATES AND GUESS WHAT HE FUCKING IS. I WAS RIGHT, PURPLE BLAZER KID IS CHARLEY YOU CAN LEAVE NOW

no dont were only an hour in

three kids on the back of the omnibus what will they do

dodger and charley said be gay do crimes

ah shit now look what youve gotten us into dodger

IT WASNT EVEN OLIVER IT WAS CHARLEY AND DODGER GO AFTER THEM

are dodger and charley straight up framing oliver for a crime they commited while also helping him escape

yes they are why are we surprised

i hate to break it to you dodger but hiding oliver in a meat sack doesnt work

OLIVERS ON THE ROOF????

charley and dodger got oliver into this mess and they are not going to get him out

WHY DIDNT YOU LOOK AFTER HIM????? right calm down fagin

how could i help it :((((

no bill!

stan nancy

“two other boys stole it” no shit

BROWNLOW !

run bitch run

right intermission time now

AND WE’RE BACK!

entr acte

who will buyyy

strawberry girl is carrying this

oliver owns my heart pt 278983728938728

this is a banger wtf

okay its done now right

right?????

UHH BILL???? DODGER???? BITCH WHY TF ARE YOU HERE

have bill fagin nancy and the boys been stalking oliver???

NO SHE WONT FAGIN!

shit.

fuck bill

this scene is far more sadder when you think of how the boys have just seen the only woman they see as a mother figure been hit to the flo or, im not crying, you are

as long as he needs me :(

FUCK YOU BILL

rose maylie is that you?!

look at lil oliver!!

BILL FUCK OFF

i hate bill

“look at his togs! he’s got books too!” charley and dodger are my emotional support kids

anyway have i mentioned i hate bill, bc i hate bill.

I REALLY REALLY HATE BILL

even fagin aka the guy whos keeping these kids as pickpockets has more morals than bill

WE STAY CALM!!

no bill i havent heard a dying chicken

act one was just childish antics now we have THIS

fuck bill

YOURE TELLING ME THE BOYS WATCHED THAT????

jack wild is a banging actor. he genuinely looks terrified 🥺

this film..

a mans got a heart hasnt he?? yes you do!!!

a full song dedicated to movie fagin rights?? did i ghostwrite this?? probably

banger

ithinkidbetterthinkitoutagain!

villains theives and nine year olds

MR BUMBLE?????!!!!!!!!!!

fuck bill pt72898376728909878199

bill youre traumatising him

cmon nance do something!!

also completely forgot abt this but uh does monks exist in this i forgot bc we have had no mentions of him yet

nancy tell him who bill is!!!

bullseye deserves better

uhm what is going on

bill sikes more like bill yikes

oliver what are you doing

BILL TERRIFIES ME

FUCK

omg oom pah pah????

leave oliver alone bill hes like nine

oh banger

OOM PAH PAH THATS HOW IT GOES!!!!!!!!!

just asking are nancy and bet lesbians bc they look it

COULD IT BE OOM PAH PAHHHHHH

god i love this song

IT SHOOOOOWSSSSSS

its the same oom pah pah

“She was from the country but now shes up a gumtree she let a fella feed her then lead her a long” foreshadowiinnggg

OOM PAH PAH! OOM PAH PAH! OOM PAH PAH!

nancy is so fucking smart

getting the whole pub singing and dancing to smuggle out oliver? clever

fuck

bill.. no.. bill.. bill????

FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKC

BILL GET OFF HER

NANCY NO

HE STRAIGHT UP COMMIT MURDER AGAINST THE NICEST CHARACTER

BROWNLOW DO YOU NOT HEAR NOTHING

nancy deserved a better death than to be killed by bill fuck bill

EVEN BULLSEYE HATES YOU BILL

ARE THEY ACCUSING BULLSEYE OF MURDER

FUCK YOU BILL

movie fagin rights + fuck bill combo?

youre telling me fagin had an ESCAPE ROUTE??? AT THE BOTTOM OF THE HOUSE THING??? THE WHOLE TIME???

BILL DONT KILL THE CHILD

BILL

fuck, well. #

“WHAT DO I DO!?” “LIVE UP TO YOUR NAME, DODGE ABOUT”

ten quid says dodgers been caught

oh no all fagins shit is gone

BILL DONT KILL THE CHILD PT 2

FUCK YOU BILL

GOD I HATE HIM

OLIVER MATE ARE YOU OK

never have i been so happy to see a character die

rest in shit bill

hi dodger thought you got caught n went to australia

god, this film is so fucking good.

reviewing the situation 2.0 goes hard

MOVIE. FAGIN. RIGHTS!

FAGIN YOU CAN BE A GOOD MAN YOU KNOW YOU CAN

DODGER??????????

IM TOTALLY NOT CRYING RN

FAGIN NO DONT TAKE IT

FUCKING PLOTTWIST

IT MADE IT LOOK LIKE FAGIN WAS GONNA GIVE THE WALLET BACK TO DODGER BUT NO

once the villain you’re the villain to the end

i completely forgot abt this scene since i’ve been reading the oliver twist book and in that dodger gets arrested and fagin gets hanged but here they get away?

god this is bittersweet

I THINK WE’D OUGHT TO THINK IT OUT AGAIN!!!!!

thats where the film should have ended, i get olivers the main character but it ending on dodger and fagin walking out into the sunset is such a pleasing ending man

oliver gets his happy ending abt time

YES CONSIDER YOURSELF AND BE BACK SOON (THE BIGGEST BANGERS IN THE FILM) CREDITS SONGS!!

well.. that was a journey and half

#oliver!#oliver twist #oliver #oliver! 1968 #oliver 1968 #charlie’s comfort movies #oliver twist 1968 #oliver! the musical #oliver the musical #musicals #1960s #1960s movies #60s #mark lester #jack wild #oliver reed #ron moody #shani wallis #and everyone else in the huge ass cast

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curious-minx · 3 years

Text

Review of the first episode of The Great North (plus some sad Bob’s Burgers’ news)

2021.

I was going to begin my review of the pilot episode of The Great North, the sister sister series of Bob’s Burgers, with my trademark snarky and slanted curlicue wit... Instead, I am reckoning with the headline of the death of Bob’s Burgers character designer, Dave Creek.

Dave Creek.

Type his name out and put it in comic sans and you can see it’s a name meant to be involved with TV. One of the rare individuals to pass away from something other than Covid-19 or our rising totalitarian government. The artist contributed to the show in many ways, most profoundly with the design of Lady Tinsel from the Bleakening, one of Bob’s Burgers most visually ambitious episodes to date. I am ill-equipped to eulogize the man like his fellow peers are doing, but as someone who writes and thinks about the Bob’s Burgers series it is impossible to not address his passing.

//////

The Great North.

“Sexi Moose Adventure”

Look up there! What Do You See? Nature and stuff Like a rock And a tree Oh, The Great North Way up here we can breathe the air Catch some fish Or gaze at a bear Wow! Oh, The Great North Here we live, oh, oh Here we’ll stay, oh, whoo From longest night To longest day In The Great North

An Alan Thicke bop or the wimpy Cheers theme this aint. A jarring theme. I had to transcribe it to lay it out in front of me to see how wordy it is, but to my surprise the theme song looks more concise on paper. Still, I am not sold on this theme song. Mainly because I prefer the misheard lyric of “Here we’ll say (it’s actually “stay”): oh, whoo,” digging further into the regional grunts.

1:24, One minute and twenty four seconds in and there is already a little bit of winking scatalogical humor by the ever youthful Paul Rust, or as I am sure he’ll be known for generations, Ham Tobin, the middle of the three Tobin sons. Compounded within these first two minutes is a stylistic swivel away from Bob’s Burgers comedic well with a Brokeback Mountain themed wedding cutaway joke with real-world celebrity cameos. Speaking of celebrity cameos, how about a side character conversation with an Alanis Morrisette constellation (and she’s a recurring character!) you’ve never seen that in Bob’s Burgers! In the first three minutes and thirty seconds we have two instances of explicitly expositional dialogue, the first is the cleaner introduction of eldest Wolf Tobin (voiced by Will Forte) and his fiance Honeybee Shaw who has just moved to Alaska from Fresno and helps set up the reverse All in the Family Meathead and Gloria dynamic. What comes next is once again another moment I can only describe as jarring when the inexplicably normal named Judy Tobin explains to Alanis Morrisette constellation exactly what is wrong with sweetly overbearing father. The reason involving a somewhat convoluted background story about the former Tobin matriarch's abandonment of the family and Beef, the Tobin patriarchy, is in denial of this fact. Beef prefers to live in the reality where no wife of his would leave him she could only have been eaten by a wolf.

What goes on throughout the episode is what I believe is a cardinal sin of episodic storytelling: Making jokes and observations at the expense of an off screen character. There are already WAY too many characters being thrown at me and not once throughout the episode was I able to identify any of the characters by any names other than the name of the celebrity voice actor. Minute six and yet again we are hit with Honeybee generating another celebrity name for a joke and I really hope that the writers develop more of a game for her. Oh wait a minute the episode reminds me again at the eight minute forty sixth second mark that she is in fact from Fresno. More diarrhea and fart jokes snaking their way back into the scene as well, but Jenny Slate has always relished in the poopier jokes (see: any of her stand-up, Kroll work, or Obvious Child).

At the ten minute mark there is a quality character defining joke when Wolf distracts Beef by pointing out an indoor potted plant in a mall, which causes Beef, ever the Nature man, to take matters into his own hands by trying to rescue the potted plant. Beef is basically a combination of the two Rons from Parks & Rec, the emotional frugality of Ron Swanson and a touch of Sam Elliot’s Ron Dunn Earthiness. Julio Torres’ mall juicer character is also introduced with a perfunctory but enjoyable deadpan exchange with the awkward Judy, but it’s the kind of performance Julio Torres could give in his sleep (and probably did).

The eleven minute mark introduces a character that I was initially pretty jazzed about, Judy’s boss at the mall photography store Alyson Lefebvrere (gosh I hated typing out that name >.<) voiced by long-time Molyneux collaborator, Megan Mullally. On paper, much like the theme song, a heated exchange between an emotionally vulnerable Beef and a character voiced by real-life wife Megan Mullally should be dynamite, instead much like their podcast it feels like a wet fart in the sheets. Mullally’s work on Bob’s Burgers as Linda’s sister Gayle is terrific and with the power of animation having her play an unconventional looking character really works to her advantage. Alyson’s character design is boring and conventional cartoon attractive as she’s clearly being set up as a potential love interest for our leading Beef man, but the whole thing in execution falls completely flat. The extended 69 joke between Beef and Alyson is supposed to be funny because we know it’s between a real life publicly beloved celebrity couple. You cannot coast on innate chemistry alone! The setting up of the love interest isn’t even coy, we see Beef get heart eyes and drool over Alyson, which is just the most predictable and least interesting choice. A route this show seems dangerously flirtatious with.

Finally, at minute:second mark 13:15 we get introduced to a potentially fun and quirky sitcom character, Londra the neighboring fish mongerer. Voiced by Judith Shelton, an actor I am sure we all remember as Sally from Seinfeld and Angela from the Gregory Hines Show. Instead she gets instantly shut down and shuffled by in favor of advancing the plot of the episode. Moving on to the birthday party. Yep Honeybee makes another pop culture reference this time the Minions (it was Squidward last time, but I was too faint of heart to mention it at the time). We also find out in a forced confession from Ham that he is gay. I am glad the show has hired an openly gay actor like Julio Torres to play a bit recurring character, but it feels weird having Paul Rust a thoroughly heterosexual actor portray a gay goofball character. I feel like there easily could have been an actual gay goofball Paul Rust type out there deserving of the job, but this show does do right by having Dulce Sloan as Honeybee and Aparna Nancherla as MVP, Moon Tobin (Who I’ll get into later). Therefore I should not let this irk me, but clearly this show and I are not seeing eye to eye. In an era of gestures towards meaningful representation I would just like to see some consistency. Rust will probably go on to join the ranks of the many other hetero men who have also portrayed perfectly competenent and sensitive gay characters, but with gay characters should come paychecks for gay voice talent. In the end of this dead end debacle I much rather Paul Rust have the role and be spared the unimaginative Randy Rainbow casting. Back on track.

There’s a four square action sequence of the four siblings that also feels like the show attempting another stylistic flourish to separate itself from Bob’s Burgers. The episode, all one straight ahead single narrative, comes to a happy ending to also establish that the Bob’s Burgers sister sister series is also interested in being a sentimental sitcom to its core. An unfortunately okay first episode that got worse for me with a repeated viewing. The only character and overall performance that sticks out to me is Aparna Nancherla playing what is essentially the show’s Tina and Louise lovechild of a character Moon Tobin, an animal identifying gender flipped peculiar savant-like child. She’s one of those comedians that I will always root for and appreciate whenever she pops up and I really hope that this show treats her right. She really elevates the material. Everyone else does just fine. The first episodes and first seasons of any sitcoms are rarely all that innovative or memorable so I am certainly going to allow this show to grow on me.

For the time being, this first episode of the Great North is deserving of Two Sexy Moose Antlers out of Five Forced Pop Culture References

#TV Series #Bob's Burgers #The Great North #Fox #adult animation #Animation Domination #Sitcom #TV Review

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