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100 Asexual Books Rec List

For this list the goal is fiction books with a main character or significant secondary character that is on the Asexual spectrum, or non-fiction books about being Aspec.

Junior Novels

1. Rick by Alex Gino An eleven year old boy starting middle school begins discovering his asexuality admist the school's rainbow spectrum club. Also features transgender and crossdressing side characters, as well as a LGBTQIAP+ supporting cast.

2. Sal & Gabi Break the Universe by Carlos Alberto Pablo Hernandez In order to heal after his mother's death, Sal learned how to meditate. But no one expected him to be able to take it further and 'relax' things into existence. Turns out he can reach into time and space to retrieve things from other universes. Asexual Sal.

3. Hazel's Theory of Evolution by Lisa Jenn Bigelow Hazel knows a lot about the world. But even Hazel doesn't have answers for the questions awaiting her as she enters eighth grade. What if no one at her new school gets her, and she doesn't make any friends? What's going to happen to one of her moms, who's pregnant again after having two miscarriages? Why does everything have to change when life was already perfectly fine? Hazel (main character) is asexual and aromantic (it isn't said in the book, but it is specified in the author's note at the back of the book).

4. The Trouble with Robots by Michelle Mohrweis Evelyn strives for excellence. Allie couldn't care less. Together, these polar opposites must work together if they have any hope of saving their school's robotics program. Allie is asexual and/or aromantic. Junior graphic novel.

5. This is Our Rainbow by Editors Katherine Locke and Nicole Melleby Featuring contributions from Eric Bell, Katherine Locke and A.J. Sass, this first LGBTQA+ anthology for middle-grade readers presents stories of queer fantasy, historical and contemporary stories for every letter of the acronym.

6. Every Bird a Prince by Jenn Reese After she saves the life of a bird prince and becomes their champion, seventh grader Eren Evers must defend a forest kingdom, save her mom, and keep the friendships she holds dear--if she is brave enough to embrace her inner truths. Eren is aromantic (and I'm guessing asexual, though that isn't discussed).

YA Fiction

7. When Villains Rise by Rebecca Schaeffer With her best friend, Kovit's, life in danger, Nita is determined to take down the black market once and for all. Latina asexual and aromantic main character (Nita).

8. The Gentleman's Guide to Vice and Virtue by Mackenzi Lee Henry "Monty" Montague was bred to be a gentleman. His passions for gambling halls, late nights spent with a bottle of spirits, or waking up in the arms of women or men, have earned the disapproval of his father. His quest for pleasures and vices have led to one last hedonistic hurrah as Monty, his best friend and crush Percy, and Monty's sister Felicity begin a Grand Tour of Europe. When a reckless decision turns their trip abroad into a harrowing manhunt, it calls into question everything Monty knows, including his relationship with the boy he adores. Aro/ace secondary character (prequel to a Lady's Guide to Petticoats and Piracy).

9. The Lady's Guide to Petticoats and Piracy by Mackenzi Lee A year after an accidentally whirlwind grand tour with her brother Monty, Felicity Montague has returned to England with two goals in mind—avoid the marriage proposal of a lovestruck suitor from Edinburgh and enroll in medical school. A highly loved book in regards to asexual portrayal, Felicity’s journey does a fantastic job of exploring the struggle of navigating a world where marriage is expected of women in order to function in society. Even more refreshing is Felicity isn’t just avoiding getting married out of a sole rebellion against the patriarchy (though those themes are also present), but simply because she doesn’t have an interest in sexual or romantic relationships at all.

10. Silver in the Mist by Emily Victoria Asexual Devlin has grown up in the shadow of her mother’s impressive spy network—and the shadow of the kingdom, too. A magical mist is eating away at their borders, weakening their magic and making them vulnerable to attacks. Devlin is tasked with infiltrating the royal court of the wealthier neighboring kingdom, but when she befriends their most powerful magic wielder, she discovers an ancient mystery that may hold the key to defeating the mists for good. Victoria prioritizes strong friendships between queer characters and an examination of wealth disparity in this fantasy full of twists and turns.

11. Not Good for Maidens by Tori Bovalino Beneath the streets of York, the goblin market calls to the Wickett women-the family of witches that tends to its victims. For generations, they have defended the old cobblestone streets with their magic. Knowing the dangers, they never entered the market-until May Wickett fell for a goblin girl, accepted her invitation, and became inextricably tied to the world her family tried to protect her from. Told through dual narratives in different timelines, the book essentially has two protagonists: Lou and May. Between these two characters, we have some great queer representation for both asexuality and bisexuality.

12. A Snake Falls to Earth by Darcie Little Badger Themes of magic, family, asexuality, and traditional storytelling dominate in Lipan Apache author Darcie Little Badger's delightful and uplifting second YA novel. A Lipan girl named Nina collides with Oli who is from the land of spirits and monsters. But some people will do anything to keep them apart. This is a wholesome, elegantly written read guaranteed to warm your heart!

13. Arden Grey by Ray Stoeve Arden Grey is a novel about different kinds of abusive relationships, as well as the strength of family and friendships. Following her parents' separation, Arden is depressed and coming to accept herself as being on the asexual spectrum.

14. It Sounds Like This by Anna Meriano Yasm Trevi didn't have much of a freshman year thanks to Hurricane Humphrey, but she's ready to take sophomore year by storm. That means mastering the marching side of marching band--fast!--so she can outshine her BFF Sofia as top of the flute section, earn first chair, and impress both her future college admission boards and her comfortably unattainable drum major crush Gilberto Reyes. But Yasm steps off on the wrong foot when she reports an anonymous gossip Instagram account harassing new band members and accidentally gets the entire low brass section suspended from extracurriculars. Rep: Biracial Latina fat asexual-questioning cis female MC, Jewish gray-aromantic gray-asexual male side character with ADHD and APD.

15. One for All by Lillie Lainoff In 1655 sixteen-year-old Tania is the daughter of a retired musketeer, but she is afflicted with extreme vertigo and subject to frequent falls; when her father is murdered she finds that he has arranged for her to attend Madame de Treville's newly formed Acadaemie des Mariées in Paris, which, it turns out, is less a school for would-be wives, than a fencing academy for girls--and so Tania begins her training to be a new kind of musketeer, and to get revenge for her father. Rep: disability, asexuality, sapphic side characters, POTS and PTSD.

16. The State of Us by Shaun David Hutchinson When Dean Arnault’s mother decided to run for president, it wasn’t a surprise to anyone, least of all her son. But still that doesn’t mean Dean wants to be part of the public spectacle that is the race for the White House—at least not until he meets Dre. The only problem is that Dre Rosario’s on the opposition; he’s the son of the Democratic nominee. In a moment of solidarity and high emotions, Dean tells Dre that he has been questioning his sexual orientation. He isn’t sure if he’s asexual or demisexual. Dre puts a messaging app on Dean’s phone so they can stay in touch.

17. Scavenge the Stars by Tara Sim When Amaya rescues a mysterious stranger from drowning, she fears her rash actions have earned her a longer sentence on the debtor ship where she’s been held captive for years. Instead, the man she saved offers her unimaginable riches and a new identity, setting Amaya on a perilous course through the coastal city-state of Moray, where old-world opulence and desperate gamblers collide. Amaya wants one thing: revenge against the man who ruined her family and stole the life she once had. Desi, demisexual female protagonist.

18. Camp by Lev AC Rosen It’s Randy’s fifth year at Camp Outland, a camp where queer teens get a chance to be themselves. Hoping to win over Hudson’s heart—who’s masc and straight passing and only seems to date other guys like himself—Randy has spent the past year reinventing himself: workout regimen, new haircut, new carefully curated wardrobe. His friends and camp counsellor all think it’s a terrible idea, but what can they do but support him anyways?

19. Little Thieves by Margaret Owen Once upon a time, the daughter of death and fortune was a teenage girl and she was the worst. Little Thieves is, as the dedication says, for the gremlin girls, never has there been a more gremlin girl than Vanja Schmidt. A brilliant and brazen swindler, Vanja could give Kaz Brekker a run for his money. But Vanja has bigger fish to fry. As her body rapidly turns into the gemstones she craves, Vanja must put things right and face her greed head on all while juggling her engagement to a terrible margrave, an investigator with his own magic, and the princess whose face she stole. Vanja’s relationship with junior prefect Emeric could not be more demisexual if it tried, with both sides of the romance experiencing asexual spectrum existence in different and complimentary ways. One part Germanic fairytale, one part ensemble heist, Little Thieves is an unhinged romp of a book.

20. Everyone Hates Kelsie Miller by Meredith Ireland Rom-coms and the asexuality spectrum...two great things that go great together. Kelsie and Eric have been competing against each other their whole lives. But desperation forces them to work together. Kelsie’s best friend stopped talking to her and Eric wants to rekindle his relationship with his ex-girlfriend, and since both will be at UPenn at the same time, Eric and Kelsie decide to go on a road trip together. Sparks fly.

21. You Don't Have a Shot by Racquel Marie Valentina "Vale" Castillo-Green's life revolves around soccer. Her friends, her future, and her father's intense expectations are all wrapped up in the beautiful game. But after she incites a fight during playoffs with her long-time rival, Leticia Ortiz, everything she's been working toward seems to disappear. Queer asexual biracial (Colombian, Irish) protagonist.

22. Foul Lady Fortune by Chloe Gong In 1931 Shanghai, two Nationalist spies pose as a married couple to investigate a series of brutal murders causing unrest in the city. Rep: demisexual Chinese protagonist, bisexual Chinese protagonist, bisexual Chinese main character, Chinese trans woman main character, aromantic asexual side character; (Chinese-Kiwi author).

23. The Spy with the Red Ballon by Katherine Locke Siblings Ilse and Wolf hide a deep secret in their blood: with it, they can work magic. And the government just found out. Blackmailed into service during World War II, Ilse lends her magic to America’s newest weapon, the atom bomb, while Wolf goes behind enemy lines to sabotage Germany’s nuclear program. It’s a dangerous mission, but if Hitler were to create the bomb first, the results would be catastrophic. Gay demisexual Jewish protagonist.

24. Beneath the Citadel by Destiny Soria Cassa, the orphaned daughter of rebels, and friends Alys, Evander, and Newt, fight back against the high council of Eldra, which has ruled for centuries based solely on ancient prophesies. Alys, an apothecary-in-training and the level-headed one of the crew. She identifies as asexual.

25. Eliza and Her Monsters by Francesca Zappia Eighteen-year-old Eliza Mirk is the anonymous creator of the wildly popular webcomic Monstrous Sea, but when a new boy at school tempts her to live a life offline, everything she's worked for begins to crumble. Asexual main character, not explicitly stated in the book.

26. Technically, You Started It by Lana Wood Johnson When a guy named Martin Nathaniel Munroe II texts you, it should be obvious who you're talking to. Except there's two of them (it's a long story), and Haley thinks she's talking to the one she doesn't hate. Demisexual main character.

27. Now Entering Addamsville by Francesca Zappia Zora Novak is framed for a crime she didn't commit--in a town obsessed with ghosts, will she be able to find the culprit and clear her name before it's too late? It's a brief mention, but Zora is ace.

28. Fully Disclosure by Camryn Garrett In a community that isn’t always understanding, an HIV-positive teen must navigate fear, disclosure, and radical self-acceptance when she falls in love–and lust–for the first time. One of Simone’s best friends in the book, Claudia, is an asexual lesbian. The unwavering support she gives to Simone is heartwarming, and she is also openly sex-positive—which flips the script on its head regarding what most people would assume of asexual people.

30. The Art of Saving the World by Corinne Duyvis When Hazel Stanczak was born, an interdimensional rift tore open near her family’s home, which prompted immediate government attention. They soon learned that if Hazel strayed too far, the rift would become volatile and fling things from other dimensions onto their front lawn—or it could swallow up their whole town. Hazel Stanczak identifies as asexual, though she spends time in the book questioning it. The book presents a unique way to show that there is not one single way to be asexual—that it exists on a spectrum and can look different for each person.

31. Let's Talk About Love by Claire Kann Alice had her whole summer planned. Non-stop all-you-can-eat buffets while marathoning her favorite TV shows (best friends totally included) with the smallest dash of adulting–working at the library to pay her share of the rent. The only thing missing from her perfect plan? Her girlfriend (who ended things when Alice confessed she’s asexual). Alice is done with dating–no thank you, do not pass go, stick a fork in her, done. Alice is a biromantic and asexual black woman who starts off very confident in her identity as asexual, yet has experiences that have her questioning her orientation and how to talk about it.

32. In the Ravenous Dark by AdriAnne Strickland A pansexual blood mage reluctantly teams up with an undead spirit to start a rebellion among the living and the dead. This book features Japha, an asexual nonbinary character who serves as the best friend to the MC.

33. Seven Ways We Lie by Riley Redgate Life at Paloma High School is much like any other high school, with petty drama, judgmental assholes, and mind-numbing schoolwork. Until it isn’t. A scandal emerges: a student and teacher had an illicit affair. At the center of the scandal are seven teenagers, each with their own secrets, whose lives are transformed as a result of this scandal. One of the characters can be read as asexual (and possibly neurodiverse). He never explicitly labels himself as such, but the way he describes his experiences of [non-]attraction strongly point to him being on the ace spectrum.

34. Quicksilver by R. J. Anderson Tori thought she had left her past behind when she and her family started a new life in a new city. But then Sebastian Faraday reappears in her life to tell her that she’s not quite as safe as she thinks: the relay is still operating and a genetics lab is trying to track her down to figure out the secret behind her unusual biology. Tori is going to have to use all of her considerable technical expertise to escape her past and live the normal human life she’s always wanted to have. Asexual main character.

35. Hullmetal Girls by Emily Skrutskie Aisha Un-Haad, seventeen, and Key Tanaka, eighteen, have risked everything for new lives as mechanically enhanced soldiers, and when an insurrection forces dark secrets to surface, the fate of humanity is in their hands. In Hullmetal Girls, Aisha is not only ace/aro but she is also happy with her identity. Crucially, so is everyone else.

36. Not Even Bones by Rebecca Schaeffer Nita's mother hunts monsters and, after Nita dissects and packages them, sells them online, but when Nita follows her conscience to help a live monster escape, she is sold on the black market in his place. Aro/Ace main character

37. Before I Let Go by Marieke Nijkamp When Corey moves away from Lost Creek, Alaska, she makes her friend Kyra promise to stay strong during the long, dark winter, and wait for her return. Just days before Corey is to return home to visit, Kyra dies. The entire Lost community speaks in hushed tones, saying her death was meant to be. And they push Corey away like she's a stranger. With every hour, Corey's suspicion grows. Lost is keeping secrets-- but piecing together the truth about what happened to her best friend may prove as difficult as lighting the sky in an Alaskan winter. Aro/Ace main character.

38. If It Makes You Happy by Claire Kann Winnie is living her best fat girl life and is on her way to the best place on earth. No, not Disneyland–her Granny’s diner, Goldeen’s, in the small town of Misty Haven. While there, she works in her fabulous 50’s inspired uniform, twirling around the diner floor and earning an obscene amount of tips. With her family and ungirlfriend at her side, she has everything she needs for one last perfect summer before starting college in the fall. …until she becomes Misty Haven’s Summer Queen in a highly anticipated matchmaking tradition that she wants absolutely nothing to do with. Aro/ace secondary character.

39. Dread Nation by Justina Ireland An alternate history where the Civil War was put on hold when zombies started to rise. Almost finished with her education at Miss Preston's School of Combat in Baltimore, Jane is set on returning to her Kentucky home and doesn't pay much mind to the politics of the eastern cities, with their talk of returning America to the glory of its days before the dead rose.But when families around Baltimore County begin to go missing, Jane is caught in the middle of a conspiracy, one that finds her in a desperate fight for her life against some powerful enemies. And the restless dead, it would seem, are the least of her problems. The word asexual is not used, but that fits with the setting, and the explanation goes into a fair amount of detail, also ruling out that she likes women instead.

40. Vespertine by Margaret Rogerson When her convent is attacked by possessed soldiers, Artemisia defends the Gray Sisters by awakening the revenant bound to a saint's relic, even though she runs the risk of being possessed permanently by the powerful ancient spirit. Non-explicit romantic asexual main character. Fantasy.

41. Archivist Wasp by Nicole Kornher-Stace A postapocalyptic ghosthunter escapes her dire fate by joining the ghost of a supersoldier on his quest to the underworld Aromantic asexual main character. Dark fantasy/dystopian.

42. Summer of Salt by Katrina Leno While anyone would love to have a bit of magic, what happens when magic turns dark? Georgina Fernweh will come into her magic someday soon. Before she does, Georgina faces a tragedy that tests the islanders' trust. In this book, Georgina’s best friend Vira is aroace, and it’s addressed somewhat in the story at different points. There is a sweet strength between Georgina and Vira, full of loyalty and support that is lovely to see.

43. The Summer of Bitter and Sweet by Jen Ferguson In this moving and complex narrative, Lou learns to draw boundaries, stand up for herself, all while coming to terms with her demisexuality.

44. The Sound of Stars by Alechia Dow One-third of the human population has died and now the world is about to end. Ellie, a fat, Black, disabled, demisexual girl with access to an illegal library teams up with a music-loving alien to risk their lives to save the world.

45. The Grimrose Girls by Laura Pohl Pohl serves up a veritable smorgasbord of queer fairytale goodies in Grimrose Girls. This tale as old as time follows four students at the prestigious boarding school Grimrose Academy—Ella, Yuki, Rory, and newcomer Nani. When the former three’s best friend dies, all four girls are swept up in a dark and twisted mystery full of old fairytale magic. They must work together to unravel the secrets between them and break an ancient curse that dooms them to a fairytale ending (and not the fun kind). Yuki’s aromantic asexual identity is explored in her relationship to expectations, beauty, and friendship throughout the novel.

46. Radio Silence by Alice Oseman Frances has been a study machine with one goal. Nothing will stand in her way; not friends, not a guilty secret – not even the person she is on the inside. Then Frances meets Aled, and for the first time, she’s unafraid to be herself. So when the fragile trust between them is broken, Frances is caught between who she was and who she longs to be. In this book, Aled identifies as demisexual while Frances identifies as bisexual. The story really pays homage to the importance of friendship, and romantic storylines move to the background in a way we don’t often get in YA literature.

47. This Golden Flame by Emily Victoria Forced to serve her country’s ruling group, Karis wants nothing more than to find her brother. But family bonds don’t matter to the sole focus of unlocking the magic of an ancient automaton army. Karis is ace and other LGBTQ+ characters are introduced throughout.

48. Sawkill Girls by Claire Legrand A horror novel centered around three girls facing off against an unseen monster that preys upon the young women of the island of Sawkill Rock. Features a black asexual girl fresh out of a romantic relationship, as well as a f/f relationship.

49. Love Letters for Joy by Melissa See Less than a year away from graduation, seventeen-year-old Joy is too busy overachieving to be worried about relationships. She’s determined to be Caldwell Prep’s first disabled valedictorian. And she only has one person to beat, her academic rival Nathaniel. But it’s senior year and everyone seems to be obsessed with pairing up. One of her best friends may be developing feelings for her and the other uses Caldwell’s anonymous love-letter writer to snag the girl of her dreams. Joy starts to wonder if she has missed out on a quintessential high school experience. She is asexual, but that’s no reason she can’t experience first love, right?

50. Not Your Backup by C. B. Lee Part 3 in the Sidekick Squad series by C.B. Lee. Follows a questioning aromantic asexual latinx superhero sidekick fighting to prove her worth on the team despite her lack of superpowers, all admist the team's battle against the corrupt League of Heroes.

51. Belle Révolte by Linsey Miller Noble-born Emilie des Marais, 16, wants to become a physician, a role usually forbidden women of her class because of the corruptive toll the magical "noonday arts" exact. Common-born Annette Boucher wants to escape her domineering parents and master the less physically costly "midnight arts" of illusions, divination, and scrying, normally reserved for those who can afford the expensive education. At Emilie's urging, each girl takes the other's place. Miller (Ruin of Stars) writes in lush, dense prose that can require a careful read, but her protagonists' awareness of privilege and desire to challenge the status quo shines through. LGBTQ representation--including gay, trans, and nonbinary characters (Annette identifies as asexual biromantic)--further widens this tale's appeal.

52. Tarnished Are the Stars by Rosiee Thor A secret beats inside Anna Thatcher's chest: an illegal clockwork heart. Anna works cog by cog -- donning the moniker Technician -- to supply black market medical technology to the sick and injured, against the Commissioner's tyrannical laws. Determined to earn his father's respect, Nathaniel sets out to capture the Technician. But the more he learns about the outlaw, the more he questions whether his father's elusive affection is worth chasing at all. This YA novel features an aroace character gradually coming to accept his orientation in the midst of everything else that is happening in his life. Perfect for older teens who also enjoy WLW representation and dark themes.

53. Aces Wild: A Heist by Amanda DeWitt An all-asexual online friend group attempts to break into a high-stakes gambling club and commit a heist together. Includes a male asexual character navigating what love looks like for him, an aromantic asexual Latinx gender-nonconforming boy, a Vietnamese American and German asexual nonbinary teen, and a black asexual girl.

54. Planning Perfect by Haley Neil Summer vacation quickly becomes complicated for Felicity Becker as she tries to plan a perfect wedding for her mom, figure out her feelings for her friend Nancy, and wonder what dating will look like for her as an asexual person.

55. Ace of Hearts by Myriad Augustine Everyone around Alvin seems to be obsessed with one thing-- sex. Alvin finds it uncomfortable to think and talk about it and he knows he isn't ready and may never be. His friends, however, think that all Alvin needs is to hook up with the right guy. But the closer Alvin gets to being physical with someone, the more he's uncertain that this is for him and he begins to wonder if he's asexual. Can Alvin find the love that's right for him?

56. Beyond the Black Door by AdriAnne Strickland Everyone has a soul. Some are beautiful gardens, others are frightening dungeons. Kamia comes to know more about her identity as she decides to battle the forces of evil, no matter the cost... Asexual and demi-romantic main characters. Dark fantasy. Kamai is asexual, but isn’t aromantic—she has an interest in relationships that isn’t always depicted for those who are ace.

57. Loveless by Alice Oseman A queer coming of age story featuring a romance obsessed aromantic asexual main character discovering her sexuality and coming to terms with what that means, and a variety of other queer characters that support her on her journey.

58. Summer Bird Blue by Akemi Dawn Bowman Rumi Seto spends a lot of time worrying she doesn’t have the answers to everything. What to eat, where to go, whom to love. But there is one thing she is absolutely sure of—she wants to spend the rest of her life writing music with her younger sister, Lea. Then Lea dies in a car accident, and her mother sends her away to live with her aunt in Hawaii while she deals with her own grief. While not the main focal point of the book, Rumi does grapple throughout the story about where exactly she lands on the ace and aro spectrum—and whether she has to label herself at all.

59. Meet Cute Diary by Emery Lee In this queer rom-com, a transgender teen must decide if he's dedicated to romantic formulas or open to unpredictable love after an internet troll attack on his blog compels him and a fan to start fake-dating. Through an unlikely friendship with sweet, grounded Devin, who is Cuban American, asexual, and experimenting with pronouns, Noah--initially self-centered and standoffish--learns to value communication and empathy.

60. The Reckless Kind by Carly Heath In 1904 Norway, Asta runs away from her horrible fiancé to live with her two best friends. The three misfits set out to win the annual Christmas sleigh race to prove that they belong together. Queer asexual hard of hearing protagonist with heterochromia of Norwegian descent.

61. Forward March by Skye Quinlan How can band geek Harper have the chance of becoming the First Daughter with a fake dating profile? However, Harper does know that the drumline leader swiped right. Come along with Harper as she explores her truth during her last year of high school. Asexual-questioning cis female MC with anxiety and asthma.

62. Elatsoe by Darcie Little Badger What if America had monsters, magic, and interdimensional beings? For Elatsoe, this is real, and she has to uncover her cousin's murder! She can do this with the help of her ghost dog, Kirby, but has to remember not to wake human ghosts. Aromantic ace main character. Paranormal mystery. Casual representation which extends to Ellie’s identity as Lipan Apache. This identity is asserted more often and firmly than her asexuality, and Little Badger drops in nuggets of education for us settlers about what Indigenous people, and the Lipan Apache in particular, suffered at the hands of settlers.

63. All Out: The No-Longer-Secret Stories of Queer Teens Throughout the Ages by Editor Robin Talley A collection of short fantasy stories, featuring a variety of queer characters across multiple sexualities and genders. Features an asexual roller-skating girl from the 70s struggling to explain her identity to her crush.

64. Black Wings Beating by Alex London Twins Brysen and Kylee live in a world that revers the power of the falconers, but in a world where war approaches, they aren’t safe. Hunted for their power, they work together to trap the Ghost Eagle. Kylee is an ace character, focused on protecting her brother.

Graphic Novels

65. A-okay by Jarad Greene Eight grade can be tough, especially if you have acne and bullies, and lose friends. But our relatable asexual and aromantic protagonist, Jay, pulls through. This is a relatable memoir with colorful artwork.

66. How to Be Ace: A Memoir of Growing up Asexual by Rebecca Burgess A comic memoir detailing the author Rebecca Burgess's experience with growing up asexual in a world obsessed with sex. Also talks about her experiences with her own mental health and OCD.

67. Jughead, Volume 1 by Chip Zdarsky A comic book reboot of the Archie comics centered around Jughead Jones. Follows an aromantic asexual main character in typical Archie-style shenanigans. Part 1 of a 3 part series.

68. A Quick & Easy Guide to Asexuality by Molly Muldoon A charming introduction to asexuality, created to shed light on the misconceptions surrounding sex and being asexual. Told by writer Molly Muldoon and cartoonist Will Hernandez, both on the asexual spectrum.

69. Is Love the Answer? by Isaki Uta A poignant coming-of-age story about a young woman coming into her own as she discovers her identity as aromantic asexual. A complete story in a single volume, from the creator of "Mine-kun is Asexual."

Domestic Fiction

70. Have You Seen Luis Velez by Catherine Ryan Hyde Raymond Jaffe feels like he doesn't belong. Not with his mother's new family. Not as a weekend guest with his father and his father's wife. Not at school, where he's an outcast. After his best friend moves away, Raymond has only two real connections: to the feral cat he's tamed and to a blind ninety-two-year-old woman in his building who's introduced herself with a curious question: Have you seen Luis Velez? Mildred Gutermann, a German Jew who narrowly escaped the Holocaust, has been alone since her caretaker disappeared. She turns to Raymond for help, and as he tries to track Luis down, a deep and unexpected friendship blossoms between the two. Raymond is asexual (to be precise, he is aroace) And he is depicted as kind, loving, sensitive and realistic.

Fantasy

71. In the Lives of the Puppets by TJ Klune In a strange little home built into the branches of a grove of trees, live three robots--fatherly inventor android Giovanni Lawson, a pleasantly sadistic nurse machine, and a small vacuum desperate for love and attention. Victor Lawson, a human, lives there too. They're a family, hidden and safe. Protagonist: Vic, A curious, loving, & asexual human.

72. The Bone Season by Samantha Shannon In the mid-21st century major world cities are controlled by a formidable security force and clairvoyant underworld cell member Paige commits acts of psychic treason before being captured by an otherworldly race that would make her a part of their supernatural army. Demisexual main character.

73. The Perfect Assassin by K.A. Doore Divine justice is written in blood. Or so Amastan has been taught. As a new assassin in the Basbowen family, he's already having second thoughts about taking a life. A scarcity of contracts ends up being just what he needs. Until, unexpectedly, Amastan finds the body of a very important drum chief. Until, inevitably, Amastan is ordered to solve these murders, before the family gets blamed. Amastan is asexual and, as it turns out, homoromantic.

74. The Bruising of Quilwa by Naseem Jamnia Firuz-e Jafari was able to escape the slaughter of traditional blood magic practitioners by immigrating to the city-state of Qilwa. But now a terrible disease is spreading through the city, and Firuz believes it comes from ineptly performed blood magic. Now they must find a way to break a cycle of prejudice in order to survive. From the author: it's about an aroace nonbinary refugee healer who is trying to cure a magical plague in their new home while hiding their blood magic.

75. The Midnight Bargain by C. L. Polk The Midnight Bargain is a story "set in a world reminiscent of Regency England, where women's magic is taken from them when they marry. A sorceress must balance her desire to become the first great female magician against her duty to her family. Ysbeta has a clear goal for her life: to discover and share magic. Besides loving learning for its own sake, Ysbeta is asexual, and wealthy in her own right, so the bargaining season offers her literally nothing.

76. Every Heart A Doorway by Seanan McGuire Set in a world where a group of children have the ability to find and enter doorways into magical worlds, and now must find who's targetting them for this ability. Lead by an female asexual main character, with a trans love interest. First book in a series of novellas.

Science Fiction

77. The First Sister by Linden A. Lewis She's a priestess of the Sisterhood, traveling the stars alongside the soldiers of Earth who own the rights to her body and soul. When her former captain abandons her, First Sister's hopes for freedom are dashed and she is forced to stay on her ship with no friends, no status, and a new captain she knows nothing about. When the Mother, leader of her order, asks her to spy on Captain Saito Ren, First Sister discovers that sacrificing for the war effort is so much harder to do when your loyalties are split. He climbed his way out of the slums to become an elite soldier of Venus, but now he's haunted by his failures and the loss of his partner Hiro. But when Lito learns that Hiro is alive, but a traitor, and he's assigned to hunt Hiro down, and kill them, Lito must decide what he is actually fighting for - the society that raised him, or himself. As the battle to control Ceres reaches a head, Lito and First Sister must decide what - and whom - they are willing to sacrifice in the name of duty, or for love. Hispanic panromantic asexual protagonist (Lito).

78. Firebreak by Nicole Kornher-Stace Mal is one of many war survivors in the old town working multiple jobs to scrimp by, one of which is her team's streaming video game play. The team lives with several other roommates in a converted hotel room run by Stellaxis, the company that owns half of town, and is the only legal provider of drinkable water. When Mal catches sight of an elusive SecOps character, special non-player characters (NPCs) modeled after Stellaxis' twelve bioengineered operatives, the team pursues her inside the game to catch her on video for two seconds before their power curfew kicks in. By the time Mal heads down for her daily ration of water, they've secured a lucrative contract, involving an in-person meeting and a conspiracy theory, paying them to capture images of the three living SecOps characters. When Mal returns to find out why the next payment failed, she becomes involved in a fracas that will endanger everyone she knows. Aroace main character.

79. To be Taught, If Fortunate by Becky Chambers Four astronauts set out to explore the galaxy. This journey spans centuries and many worlds. A thought provoking read that explores the themes of loneliness and sense of purpose. Excellent cast of diverse characters and vivid world building. Chikondi is asexual and the text is careful to note that his relationship to the protagonist is no less emotional or vital than those she shares with people she is sexually involved with.

80. The Circus Infinite by Khan Wong What better person to take down a crime boss than a mixed-species fugitive! Join Jes on this exciting tale of espionage, torture, demolition. Sex-averse panromantic asexual lead character

Historical Fiction

81. Kaikeyi by Vasihnavi Patel The only daughter of the kingdom of Kekaya, she is raised on grand stories about the might and benevolence of the gods. Yet she watches as her father unceremoniously banishes her mother, her own worth measured by how great a marriage alliance she can secure. And when she calls upon the gods for help, they never seem to hear. Desperate for some measure of independence, she turns to the ancient texts she once read with her mother and discovers a magic that is hers alone. Kaikeyi is asexual and aromantic. Although the words "asexual" and "aromantic" aren't used in the book.

Western

82. The Complete Lady Ruth Constance Chapelstone Chronicles by L. C. Mawson If you’re looking for steampunk magic, the Lady Ruth Constance Chapelstone novellas are the place for you. Read them individually or all together in this compendium. Chapelstone is interested in her inventions, not love and romance.

Paranormal

83. The Faceless Old Woman Who Secretly Lives in Your Homes by Joseph Fink Told in a series of eerie flashbacks, the story of The Faceless Old Woman goes back centuries to reveal an initially blissful and then tragic childhood on a Mediterranean Estate in the early nineteenth century, her rise in the criminal underworld of Europe, a nautical adventure with a mysterious organization of smugglers, her plot for revenge on the ones who betrayed her, and ultimately her death and its aftermath, as her spirit travels the world for decades until settling in modern-day Night Vale. Asexual secondary character.

Romance

84. All the Wrong Places by Ann Gallagher After his three ex-girlfriends in a row leave Brennan because he's not fulfilling their sexual needs, he seeks out advice from Zafir, the owner of a sex shop. Zafir introduces Brennan to the concept of asexuality and slowly something more blossoms between them.

85. That Kind of Guy by Talia Hibbert Rae needs a fake date to take to her ex's wedding and convinces Zach, a close friend who has recently discovered that he is demisexual, to play along.

86. The Love Hypothesis by Ali Hazelwood In an attempt to convince her best friend that she really is over her ex-boyfriend, grad-student Olive panic kisses stern associate professor Adam in the hallway. (Olive is coded as demisexual/graysexual, but that label is never used in the book).

87. Far From Home by Lorelie Brown The oddest of odd couples finds unexpected joy in Brown’s warm, sweet contemporary romance. American citizen Rachel, a not-quite-asexual assistant film producer struggling to make a living in L.A., is drowning in student debt; Indian immigrant Pari Sadashiv, a lesbian logistics manager, needs a U.S. green card to advance her career. When Rachel offers to marry Pari in exchange for funds, it’s just party banter at first—but what’s to stop them from crafting a friendship with legal and financial benefits? Their platonic plans quickly go awry as Pari’s mother moves in to help plan the wedding, forcing them to live their lie. As Rachel feels herself awakening to an attraction she didn’t even know was possible, Pari has to decide whether she can live with the possible fallout of Rachel’s tentative first foray into same-sex love.

88. Kiss Her Once for Me by Alison Cochrun Last Christmas, Ellie met Jack in Powell’s when they both went for a copy of Alison Bechdel’s Fun Home, and over a cute argument over “shared custody”, and Jack poking gentle fun at Ellie (who had been crying alone and talking to a footstool as if it were her friend) they start to bond. Jack asks Ellie for coffee, and then they end up spending the whole day together. This is a big deal for Ellie, who is demisexual, and rarely develops attractions to anyone. And then Jack breaks her heart. Fast-forward to this Christmas when Andrew, the landlord who owns the building she works in, asks her to fake-marry him so he can access his inheritance, and shenanigans lead to her agreeing to this and to going home with him for Christmas, and surprise! Jack is Andrew’s sister.

89. The Charm Offensive by Alison Cochrun Tech wunderkind Charlie has never really been interested in dating, but agrees to join the cast of reality show 'Ever After.' While there he finds himself charmed by his producer, Dev, and questioning his sexuality. The Charm Offensive includes a conversation discussing asexuality and its spectrum.

90. Never Been Kissed by Timothy Janovsky Wren Roland has never been kissed, but he wants that movie-perfect ending more than anything. Thanks to Mateo’s boyfriend, he learns about demisexuality and realizes that when he came out as gay, he had not finished realizing truths about himself and intimate relationships.

91. How to be a Normal Person by TJ Klune Before The House on the Cerulean Sea blew up, Klune wrote this quirky and delightful story of two asexual people finding each other and their happily ever after.

92. Soft on Soft by Mina Waheed This super sweet, low-angst romance centers on two fat, queer women of colour (one Black and one Persian-Arab) who fall in love and find their happy ending with hardly any drama. There’s also anxiety representation. It’s just pure fluffy romance goodness. Demisexual protagonist.

Non-Fiction

93. Ace and Aro Journeys: A Guide to Embracing your Asexual or Aromantic Identity by The Ace and Aro Advocacy Project What does it mean to be ace or aro? How should I approach the challenges that come with being ace or aro? How can I best support the ace and aro people in my life? Join the The Ace and Aro Advocacy Project (TAAAP) for a deep dive into the process of discovering and embracing your ace and aro identities. Empower yourself to explore the nuances of your identity, find and develop support networks, explore different kinds of partnership, come out to your communities and find real joy within. Combining a rigorous exploration of identity and sexuality models with hundreds of candid and poignant testimonials -- this companion vouches for your personal truth, wherever you lie on the aspec spectrum. You are not invisible! You are among friends.

94. Being Ace: An Anthology of Queer, Trans, Femme, and Disabled Stories of Asexual Love and Connection by Editor Madeline Dyer Discover the infinite realms of asexual love across sci-fi, fantasy, and contemporary stories From a wheelchair user racing to save her kidnapped girlfriend and a little mermaid who loves her sisters more than suitors, to a slayer whose virgin blood keeps attracting monsters, the stories of this anthology are anything but conventional. Whether adventuring through space, outsmarting a vengeful water spirit, or surviving haunted cemeteries, no two aces are the same in these 14 unique works that highlight asexual romance, aromantic love, and identities across the asexual spectrum

95. Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex by Angela Chen A non-fiction research book about the asexual perspective on society's facinations with love and sex, and the misconceptions about what being asexual really is and what it means to a person.

96. The Invisible Orientation: an Introduction to Asexuality by Julia Sondra Decker An introduction to what asexuality is, both for people who don't know what that means and for people that may be questioning their own sexuality. It aims to puts asexual people's experiences in context, as they move through a very sexualized world.

97. Gender Queer: A Memoir by Maia Kobabe A graphic memoir about author Kobabe's growing from adolescence to adulthood, as e explores eir gender identity and sexuality. Features a gender queer and asexual main character that uses e/eir pronouns.

98. Ace Voices What it Means to Be Asexual, Aromantic, Demi or Grey-Ace by Eris Young This is the ace community in their own words. Drawing upon interviews with a wide range of people across the asexual spectrum, Eris Young is here to take you on an empowering, enriching journey through the rich multitudes of asexual life.

99. I Am Ace: Adice on Living Your Best Asexual Life by Cody Daigle-Orians Tackling everything from what asexuality is, the asexual spectrum and tips on coming out, to intimacy, relationships, acephobia and finding joy, this guide will help you better understand your asexual identity alongside deeply relatable anecdotes drawn from Cody's personal experience.

100. Sounds Fake But Okay: An Asexual and Aromantic Perspective on Love, Relationships, Sex, and Pretty Much Anything Else by Sarah Costello and Kayla Kaszyca Drawing on their personal stories, and those of aspec friends all over the world, prepare to explore your microlabels, investigate different models of partnership, delve into the intersection of gender norms and compulsory sexuality and reconsider the meaning of sex - when allosexual attraction is out of the equation.

I haven't read all of these books, so I can't guarantee all of them. But I did my best researching all of them. I was making this list on my own and I was amazed that I could find over 100 books with asexual characters and I wanted to share it!

The Aromantic Book List is now out!

Tagging some people who were excited about this list: @sweetspiderstew @majorgenerally @shayberri789 @53rdcenturyhero @knightoflodis @neonghost39 @rosaazulina

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caligvlasaqvarivm · 2 months

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was in the process of starting writing an eridan centric no sburb au and the more i write the more i’m like goddamnit pale erikar is happening without me even trying you’ve 100% gotten me invested

YEAH. Even if you just go purely by canon, their personalities just wind up meshing so well.

Like how Karkat gives Eridan special treatment and is extra nice to him because he knows how rough it is to be in Eridan's thinkpan.

Or how Eridan is willing to immediately shelve his own problems whenever he hears that Karkat isn't doing well emotionally and basically demands to give him emotional support.

Or how Karkat lies to Vriska that nobody listens to him talk about quadrant stuff when we've seen them talk to each other and we know they gossip about that shit all the time.

Or how Eridan is basically the only person who's ever succeeded in getting Karkat to calm the fuck down, by virtue of his incredible obtuseness, like, he doesn't even need to try.

Or how Karkat makes a bunch of death threats to Eridan and Eridan takes it as "ironic repartee," meaning that Karkat's usual problem with mixed signals is not a problem to Eridan, because Eridan is honestly just happy for the attention.

Or how they're so in sync with each other that Karkat telling Past!Eridan that their pact is over led to Eridan assuming they have a pact, and Past!Karkat hears about it and just rolls with it, because apparently it makes sense that they have a pact or something with a caveat that they be nice to each other. Of course.

Or how they talk so often that Feferi outright laments how it leaves Eridan with nothing left to talk to her about.

Or how, even before he knows that Karkat is a mutant, Karkat is still one of his best friends, and their relationship doesn't change after Eridan finds out - in fact, unlike Vriska or Equius or Gamzee, who make comments about his blood color (Gamzee calls him a punchline blooded motherfucker), Eridan never even bothers to mention it. (Because he doesn't actually give a shit about the hemocaste, it's basically all performative).

Or how Eridan knows Karkat well enough to know that Gamzee's advice to just be chill and w/e doesn't work for Karkat.

Or how Karkat's response to Gamzee going murderous is "oh god oh fuck oh man oh fuck" and his message to Past!Gamzee is "get out of here, this barely even concerns you," but his response to Eridan going murderous is a very personal "fuck you, BACKSTABBER, HOW COULD YOU???"

Or how Karkat has a double-v typo once and there's a point where Eridan drops his double-letters and yells at Feferi in capslock 👉👈

And that's all JUST CANON. That's all stuff we've SEEN them do. If you start making some extrapolations, there's so much more.

Karkat's dream has always been to become a threshecutioner - a member of the Empress's strongest troops - seeking to find some sort of acceptance within the society that outcasted him if he could prove his worth that way. However, Karkat's the weakest fighter on the team, and given that Eridan's pissed off angels scared everybody else off his planet, it's likely he's one of the best fighters, if not THE best. Combined with his noble status, Eridan was on the fast track to, if not becoming a threshecutioner, then otherwise achieving some great rank or prestige within the Condesce's army. (Even Dualscar, laughable as he was, was still Mindfang's superior).

Karkat would think Eridan is badass.

Meanwhile, Eridan's problems nearly all stem from the pressure he feels to live up to the expectations on his shoulders, as a highblood, as the orphaner, as the person keeping his friends alive, and as a sea dweller. His is a world of constant anxiety and anguish, not helped by his innate troll/highblood volatility and his own knowledge of how dangerous he is. And Karkat is their self-described "fearless leader," who will happily tell everyone what to do.

Eridan would be relieved that the pressure is off his shoulders.

Karkat's had to live in fear for his life for nearly all of it; when Eridan got added to the group chat, Karkat was probably fucking terrified, especially when Feferi got added right after. Like, oh, fuck, it's a sea dweller (noted as being so hostile that even GAMZEE is nervous about being by the water for too long), oh fuck, he knows the heir apparent, oh fuck, he's an insane murderer.

And then... the sea dweller respects his authority. The sea dweller takes him completely seriously, once he gets past all the slurs and talk of genocide, which the sea dweller obviously doesn't actually mean (Eridan's contradictions are REALLY obvious, which is part of why nobody else takes him seriously). The sea dweller doesn't give a shit WHAT his blood color is.

Like, I think Karkat finds a weird sense of safety in having a violet-blood friend that he can make death threats to. Their last memo together implies that such "ironic repartee" is completely normal for the two of them, and I personally like the idea that Karkat at one point took issue with one of the insane shitty things that Eridan likes to say, went off on a classic Karkat Rant, and then went "oh wait. shit. fuck. im so dead," only for Eridan to completely laugh it off and treat it like casual joking around.

And Eridan just craves attention, positive or negative. He desperately wants people to take him seriously and care about him. Kanaya, Vriska, and Feferi don't, because frankly, they don't really get why he's got so many problems - they're all privileged and they like it! - and Terezi is like "yikes. wow. glad that's not my problem," while Gamzee just tells him to chill out (he can't, that's his entire issue) and Equius avoids (void joke ha ha) him. He doesn't really talk to the lowbloods, but given he doesn't express any casteist anti-lowblood sentiment specifically until he's mad at Sollux (and has totally caste-neutral opinions on Sollux before that), it's not even because he doesn't like lowbloods; one has to assume he's got a different reason for avoiding them - like his canonical guilt over all the murders, or an extrapolation of his general anxieties in that he doesn't like talking to people who are going to be dead before he's even 1/100 of a way through his own life, or that the lowbloods tend to avoid him because... yknow, -gestures to all of Eridan-.

But he always had plausible deniability when it came to Karkat, because Karkat was always anonblood; even if he assumes Karkat's an "assblood," he had no way to know for sure 'til he found out Karkat was an off-spec. And Karkat DOES take him seriously, or at least more seriously than anybody else, by a longshot. He's even willing to outright tell Eridan that it's not Eridan's fault Nepeta doesn't reciprocate his feelings. WHO ELSE WOULD DO SUCH A THING???

And on that topic is pity. They both extend to each other a pity that they don't really afford anyone else, and Karkat - with his uncanny romantic acumen - outright says that pity is the driving force for all non-pitch relationships. Because he's the only person who even acknowledges that Eridan's probelms are PROBLEMS, it's clear he feels pity for Eridan's utterly fried thinkpan. Meanwhile, Eridan seems to recognize how sensitive Karkat really is, IMMEDIATELY putting everything else on pause to try to provide Karkat emotional support whenever it's brought up that Karkat is sad.

Eridan never extends this kind of consideration toward anyone else, too busy grandstanding and putting on the Big Bad Sea Dweller act; Karkat never even extends this much sympathy to Gamzee, never once bothering to understand his religion, or comment on his shitty lusus or crisis of faith. Even when he tries to cheer Terezi up, it's not really with outright sympathy - he tries to build up how awesome he thinks she is, or take on the blame for the situation. But with Eridan, he just goes, yeah, okay, shut up. I know it's tough being you.

I think it's also pretty notable that although Eridan comments about how HYPOTHETICALLY Future!Karkat can't reject him because he's not Eridan's Current!Karkat, he has never actually hit on Karkat in any quadrant, as far as we've seen. And I'm even willing to believe that he never has - when he met Karkat, his pale and pitch quadrants were filled, and he was always pining after Feferi in flushed; it probably never even crossed his mind to see Karkat as a viable dating partner, and I think he likes their unofficial moirallegiance friendship exactly the aay it is - when he thinks Karkat is hitting on him pitchwise, his reaction isn't "yes let's date," it's a surprised "whoa, coming on kinda strong, there."

And just. Just. The way that Karkat took Eridan's murder spree so fucking personally, especially compared to Gamzee in the same memo. You BACKSTABBER. I HATE you (not enough to not talk to you for an extended period of time but still). How COULD you. I thought you loved her...

Like. Man. I think it would require a third party to point it out in order to get them together - Karkat seems to be kind of embarrassed by how often he talks to Eridan (because it's, y'know, ERIDAN), and has convinced himself that Eridan is SUCH a pathetic dumbass that OF COURSE it would never work out between them (keep telling yourself that, buddy, you're the one who started thinking about that in a conversation where Eridan literally was not hitting on you), and Eridan is, uh, a dumbass.

But even that's kind of tricky, because Karkat's mixed signals make their friendship read as weirdly pitch-coded (I don't think you're normally supposed to threaten death upon your moirail and call them slurs), and also, nobody really wants to imagine Eridan being in a happy, loving relationship. You run into this problem sometimes even in real life.

But he's kind of basically in one?????

Literally, society if Eridan and Karkat made it official -

#eridan ampora #homestuck #karkat vantas #erikar

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octuscle · 9 months

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Virgo Season: Maverick

Strange things are happening in the sign of Virgo at the Astra Hotel. A bigger and bigger society is forming to celebrate the birthday of the great @fredwkong. I think Maverick can expand the guest list well.

Slowly Pastor Blanco realized that things were slipping away from him. Slowly, he realized that in this hotel, the Corpse himself was at work, sending his sinful hordes after him. He was slowly running out of brothers in arms and weapons as well. It was time to use one of his secret weapons. Maverick. Maverick had once been a lost soul, but he had led him back to the path of virtue. Maverick was a paragon of virtue and discipline. And Maverick was a jerk-off idol for every depraved person scurrying around this planet. Maverick's day ran with the precision of Swiss clockwork. Working out, eating healthy, working in the community, praying. Study of the Bible. Maverick's YouTube channel "Praise the Lord with all your body and mind" was so successful that Maverick was able to make a good living from it and also support Pastor Blanco's work. And that's exactly why Pastor Blanco brought Maverick on stage the next night.

The big speech wasn't necessarily his thing. But Maverick thanked God and Pastor Blanco for the second chance he had been given. And he said what a joy it was for him to support Pastor Blanco's work. And when he couldn't think of anything else to do, he did what he did best: Show off his upper body and flex his muscles. After the sermon, Pastor Blanco thanked Maverick. The effect was exactly as desired. Even some of the fags attended the sermon. Maverick catches all the sheeple. But Maverick can change. At the Hotel Astra, all kinds of people change....

There is no wine miracle. But a liquor miracle. Maverick signs autographs to his fans, blesses convention attendees, and takes a big swig from his water bottle. Pure booze. Maverick looks puzzled. And takes a second sip. And he grabs three donuts from the buffet. A big burp follows. Pastor Blanco looks horrified. The demons are getting closer. He pushes Maverick toward the exit. Still in the doorway, a loud fart booms. For the first time in years, Maverick curses. At least in his mind. And he's so thirsty. He heads for his room on the third floor. Sounds like there's a party going on next door. But parties aren't godly. Muscle training and praying. That's godly. Maverick needs a big drink of water. Urgent. He pours himself a glass from the bathroom faucet. And drinks it greedily. And again: pure liquor.

Maverick turns on the radio. The Bible station. Death metal blares from the radio. No matter which knob he turns, the music doesn't get any quieter. And no other station comes on. Fuck, he loves the music. And he needs another glass of water.

His proper haircut becomes more sloppy. Curls form on his head. His slick muscles are starting to get hairy. A damp, smelly fur grows in his shaved armpits. Fuck, now a cigarette, plus watching porn and jerking off. Pastor Blanco calls and asks if everything is okay. Maverick tells him to fuck off if he doesn't want to blow him now. Damn, I need another glass of water, he thinks to himself.

It's almost noon when Mav wakes up. Next to him the horny guy from the next room. Curled up at the foot of the bed is his puppy Ezzy. That was a wild night. Mav takes another sip of water and lights a cigarette. Damn, why was he here again. Just to fuck and party? Fuck, what else for? Certainly not to pray.

And now he needs fresh air. His friends are into a different fetish than him. Mav is more into the simple and honest things. The smell of leather belongs together with loud music, beer, liquor and cigarettes. And good honest sex.

I found the pictures for this birthday card @homme-parfait, @love-the-fuzzy-parts3 and @nachtgarm666

#male tf #muscle tf #male transformation #muscle transformation #virgo season

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olderthannetfic · 1 year

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Fanfic with noncon/dubcon, underage, and incest did not lead to me being preyed upon by my father. It took a lot of smooth talking, boundary-testing, manipulation of my perspective of events and myself (the "you're special therefore it's okay" approach to convincing a child to do something society has firmly established is wrong) and years of ongoing bursts of affection, gifts and spoiling in order to get me to "consent" (to whatever degree a ten year old can) to sleep with him. Fanfic did not teach me that incest, adult/child romance, or sex with an underage person by an adult were okay.

Fanfic authors who got really fucking concerned when I kicked in the door to yell about how A/B as a pairing was just like my dad and I hit my DMs hard and asked for details and urged me to get away from him as quickly as possible. I say authors plural because I blocked the first couple of people who tried to talk sense into me but somewhere around the fourth person gently asking for details I started to doubt the "you're special and therefore it's okay" narrative and within six months of being into A/B, a father/daughter incest pairing with an underaged character, the fic authors had untangled for me a lot of complicated feelings and planted doubts in me so successfully about how my father was using his power that I spilled the beans to my mom.

There's this idea in fandom that fic did it, fic made people get abused. Actually, though, fic didn't do it. My father did. He had more input on my life than every fanfic I had ever read and put in a lot of work to get me to a place where he could pitch sex as a loving act between two people who love and adore one another in a society that's too backwards to understand that there are exceptions to the normal rules of what's right and what's wrong. I didn't get groomed by a fanfic, I got groomed by the one family member I lived with, who by virtue of being the only family member I had spent more than a few days with had inherently a very large amount of power over me.

Fic authors, unrelated women from other states and other countries, all acting independently of one another, stopped it.

I get that antis love the idea that my dad wasn't responsible for my abuse, some 25 year old writing A/B in their studio apartment is, but no matter how hard they try to take blame off of him to put it onto someone neither of us ever met, at the end of the day the person responsible for pedophilic, incestuous abuse... is the pedophile fucking his only child. It's him. He did it. He put in a lot of work to do it, it wasn't an idea a fic put in his head that he randomly acted on, he worked at making it happen in a way his conscience could live with for years, and he would not have been stopped if only media didn't write so many father/daughter couples with ten year olds that we were meant to support. Media doesn't show that, for one thing, but more importantly, even if media did, the man made years' worth of repeated decisions to get me onboard with it so he could (he thought) get away with it and do it without guilt.

To me, the "fic did it" argument is basically the "your dad didn't do it" argument. It does not blame a grown man for acts of abuse that he undertook knowingly and willingly. It doesn't blame him for anything.

And to me, that's what dangerous about antis. The abuser is never at fault for abusing someone, even a child, according to their worldview and the abuser had no choice in the matter, somehow. The real culprit is someone who wrote something that has a hundred hits on FFN or AO3, not the man who crawled into bed with a ten year old.

The last person who told me it wasn't his choice to do what he did was my dad. That's what anti rhetoric reminds me of.

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wordsformizu · 4 months

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Your Father's Daughter Mizu x Reader

Word count: 3.1k

Chapter 2.

There were no words left to say for this assignment. You were to be in and out, and if anyone were to interrupt or attempt to stop you you kill them too. A quick disposal of garbage your father did not find fit for his future.

The Kamiizumi’s are a family of wealthy merchants that began offering their financial help to support your fathers cause. They believed in his greatness and wanted to be on the right side of history, which you translated to being “On the safe side”. They were on whichever side that would keep them as one of the richest in the country and currently that was your fathers. They held no true morals and only believed in currency as time and time again it has proven to keep their hinds safe, stomachs gluttonously full, and even the darkest of their desires satisfied. As slimy as slugs on a wet leaf after it rains and with the same backbone as one, the Kamiizumi family were truly distasteful to you. It was an honor that your father sent you to cut off the head of the snake.

Your father taught you that gossiping was a horrible hobby to uphold. A hobby that should be left to women to carry as wasting time is not a task a man should be performing. And the head of the Kamiizumi family was a horrible gossip. Letting slip your fathers plans and his true allegiance to the young girls that frequented his home. And girls, they speak even if you aren’t listening. After a few sips of warm sake, and some comforting strokes on his pimpled back, he would begin spouting information along with his blank seeds. Red in the face for both stimulating actions.

Yes, your father taught you a lot about this society and the responsibilities of women and men when you would have time for your talks. The importance of a man, and the subservient duty of a woman and what happens if order is not in place.

“Everyone and everything should be in its rightful place, and it is the responsibility of Man to uphold this system.” he would explain. “If God were generous we would live happily, but we have hands and will and hunger. With these tools Man becomes king under the heavens.” he would speak the last part to himself in a low tone before going onto the next topic. “For on this earth, there is no God.”

It isn't like you had forgotten you were a woman, the soft features were present on your face and though you were built petite, you could see the perk of your breasts in certain angles. You would catch yourself in the mirror at times when your mind would curiously wander on the topics of beauty; though these moments were rare. Other young women your age were a bit more developed, more womanly and full. You sometimes wondered what kind of woman you would have grown to become if you weren't so malnourished and underfed as a child. Would you have grown taller, with more slender legs instead of the thin ones you possess? Would you have more curves to your figure for your kimono to hold onto as you wrapped it around your body? Would your lips display as blossom petals on your face when you applied lip paint to bring out more color to your features? All these thoughts you let yourself explore for a brief moment as you prepared yourself for this assignment.

Slipping on the okobo’s you had found, you headed into the night to begin. This wasnt your usual attire, but you were able to slip onto the Kamiizumi property on time without drawing any attention to yourself. In the late nights at the end of certain weeks, the Kamiizumi head of house would throw a small party just for himself and a few friends who shared his tastes. Young women. No not women, girls would be gathered like flowers in a vase to decorate his halls with their youth and essence. Him and his lowly friends would pick their favorites and pluck from them their petals of innocence and virtue. They would do this until they became too old for the weekly visits, or their bellies swole with budding life. Sometimes that wouldn't stop them. Through the halls you could hear the cries of children, and the moans of men. Two sounds that should never cross, you thought to yourself. Men like him were beastly. Barbaric. It was an honor that your father left the final say in your hand. You were glad to be the period to his sentence.

You took to wandering the halls, wondering which room would inhabit your target. You hated listening, but it was important for you to hear if you could recognize his voice through the acts or possibly someone whispering his name to lead you into the right direction. Finally you came across a room with its door shut. You thought to yourself what was the point of a closed door if you could still smell and hear everything going on within its walls.

“And he has eyes that are blue-” you heard one of the men inside the room grunt and then collapse onto the floor.

“Like an Onryo.” You heard him finish in a pant. The thought of this man speaking on your father set a spark of fire that traveled through your skin. The only blue eyed man you knew was your father, his boss, and he dare spoke of him while relieving himself as if he were common gossip at a brothel.

You moved to a far corner so that you could slip deeper into the shadows, but stay hidden from anyone who left the other rooms.

“Its said that he disgraced the once honorable student now Samurai of the Shindo Dojo .” You heard another man speak. “Cut off the top of his chonmage.” The men ooo’d and and spoke amongst eachother. Some laughed, arguing if the samurai deserved it or not.

“I heard he opened the mouth of the beast and tore out the Four Fangs.”

You caught on to what they were speaking about. The Four fangs were an elite group of assassins known across Japan for carrying some of the most lethal exterminations. Whoever it is that they were discussing was not your father as your father and that group have never crossed paths according to his stories. They were speaking of someone else. Someone more dangerous than the Four Fangs. You leaned in to listen.

“I would have paid good money to see that.”

“You fools would believe any lie. Any fool can say they defeated anyone, it doesn't mean they did. Look here, this small rabbit defeated the Four Fangs. Didnt you, sweetheart?” You heard a quick smack of a hand on flesh followed by a child's yelp and a gaggle of laughter. You winced.

“Who is this nameless samurai anyway? Or can we call him a samurai?”

“A crazed murderer is more like it.”

“They say-”

“Who says?”

“Those who get the chance to witness him and live to speak-”

“Oh, God.”

“Anyway, they say he’s on some sort of mission. A friend of a friend-”

“A friend of a friend, he says”

“A friend of a friend has told me that he is hunting down specific people. People that arent of our own. Foreigners.” Silence as the men slowly began to understand what this meant.

“It is said he has already taken down one of them.” There was more silence before someone finally spoke.

“It was about time someone handled this problem.” This was the voice of the Kamiizumi’s family head. You recognized it by the wheeze of his lungs that followed behind every sentence he spoke. This was caused by his years of smoking, it has weakened him as a man.

“I’m simply saying what we all are thinking. We all knew eventually we would have to rid our land of these white men. I will speak my mind, because I am the bravest.” and the dumbest, you thought to yourself.

“If anyone finds this “White man” killer, let me know. I will pay a hefty price to speak to him. Maybe we can be rid of our own..problem.”

A few cleared throats and muffled “Im tired”s “I must rest” “Good nights” later and the men, and girls, came pouring out of the room, headed in the direction of their guest spaces. Everyone came out, but the Kamiizumi head was the last to poke out. He was just as ugly as you remembered him. His stomach left the door before he did, gray hair trailing from his navel to his exposed pubic region. His face was not a sight for sore eyes as it was heavily aged beyond its years and held craters and moles in different areas. His teeth were yellowed, and you couldn't tell if his hair was shining from grease or hair oil. When you have money, you don’t have to consider others. You can be as ugly as you want, inside and out.

He looked down the left side of the hall, watching his friends slip into their guest rooms. You watched from the right, deep within the corner. He would eventually shift and return back to the room and in doing so he will spot you here. After watching him for weeks, one thing you knew of him was that he couldn't help touching something shiny and brand new. For all he knew, you were a new girl brought to him that he had never experienced before. He would approach you, and beckon you into the room to comfort him into the night. And spot you he did.

“Would you look at that. Were you hiding behind all the other lovely dolls brought in, or saving yourself for last?” He approached you, lowering his stance which made the stench of alcohol and unkempt dental hygiene stronger. You backed away from the scent, but was sure to put on a face of fear. One of the benefits of appearing so young was being able to use it to your advantage. It wasn't the first time you’ve used this tactic. You would feign weak and feeble, younger than your true age. You weren't hideous, and once again if your mother had spent her money on feeding all of you more and giving you the proper nutritional value as a young child you were sure you would have grown into a full and beautiful woman; but now that you're stuck in this slightly smaller than average malnourished body you could take advantage of the people who viewed you as weak and vulnerable. This allowed you at times to exploit them and target their soft spots. Appearing weak and feeble allowed certain people to pull you in. Close enough for you to strike where it hurts. Men like Kamiizumi enjoyed torturing the weak and feeble. Even better, he liked naive. Untainted. Clean.

He was eating the reactions you were feeding him out of the palm of your hands, his hunger striking again. You were sure to lower your face incase he noticed the hatred you held for him through your eyes. This also wouldn't be a good time to be recognized as he was now leading you into the room.

“Lucky you I have energy for one more,” his laugh sounded like mud trying to push its way out of a small hole. “I’ll be sure to be slow with you so we can cuddle all night. The other girls your age like that.”

The minute the door shut, the stench surrounded you, forcing itself down your throat. It was so strong you could taste the room, and looking around you didn't need much of an imagination to know the absurdities that happened in here. It was rancid. Repulsive. Revolting.

You didn't realize he had begun speaking, rambling about whatever nonsense.

“There's something familiar about you, I can't pin it, but I like it..” Your senses were becoming overstimulated, and you needed to focus.

“- and I can show you how a real man breaks in dolls like you. Don’t you worry though.” he began reaching towards you, and all you could see was his grimy sweaty palms and fingers as large as sausages threatening your personal space.

“ I’ll be gentle…”. The buildup of skin under his fingernails. The scent. The sweat.

“...so you can come back.”

His blood was warm before it cooled and dried on your skin, spraying everywhere. This was erotic in its own way, except you got to choose what was being ejected. He reached for his neck quickly, trying to clog the deep slice you left in the deep layers of his skin when he was crawling closer. His usual gurgles were louder now, but he couldn't scream as you were sure to strike his vocal cords as well. The right price for someone who gossips as much as he does, you thought.

“You-..” the realization hit him as he began to recognize who you were far too late. In the corners of the room, behind your fathers coat. He had seen you but as always too late.

He tried to let out some sort of noise to alert the others, but instead let out noises of a dying fish. Skillfully switching the dagger from one position in your hand to the next, you lifted your arms to deliver your fathers final say.

Approaching the entrance of your fathers study, senses of relief began to wash over your being. Home again, after another successfully completed assignment. You were drenched in blood from your hair, to the hems of your kimono. You overheard a conversation taking place behind the doors.

“Sir, I apologize. We didn’t know-”

“I knew.” You recognized your fathers voice, but it didn't sound like your father. There was no warmth, no peace.

“I knew, didn't I?”

“Yes, Sir..” The man sounded petrified, like he was pleading for his life. You approached the door to peek inside.

“And you didn't listen.”

“Yes, Sir-”

“Say it.”

“We didn’t listen..”

“Right.” You heard the hit before you saw it with your eye. The man let out a blood curdling scream before your father hushed him. You might've heard a bone crush beneath the grip your father had on the man, but you weren't sure.

“You're going to fix this.”

“We’re going to fix this..” The man spoke through the pain, blood seeping out between his gritted teeth.

“And next time you’ll listen to me when I say to-”

“And next time we’ll listen to you-”

“Do not interrupt me.” Your father spoke, followed by more crunches and whimpering from the man.

You watched now, this man who you called father, violently lashing out on one of his followers. You had never seen this side of him before. A colder, violent side to him. His usually groomed hair, now letting out a few strands as he overpowered this man. His top coat now removed. Everyone could get angry, but never your father. He was never angry. Never bothered. Never disturbed. He was prepared for everything, anything. It’s one of the things that made him above man, above all.

A few moments passed before he let out a sigh, releasing the man to drop onto the floor hard. He combed his fingers through his blonde hair, fixing it and then adjusting his vest.

“I expect immediate results. Do inform me if anything changes in our favor, friend.” His voice was beginning to sound familiar, lighter, at ease again but not quite there yet. His strides are long, so he leaves the man on the floor to pick himself up and walks towards his desk, reaching the other side of the room in no time.

The man throws opens the slide door and limps past you so fast he didn't even see you. You stood there at the entrance of the door, but close to the shadows. If it was your father, he’d know you were there sooner or later. He would feel you. Your father would know. He’d know-

“Come,” the warmth in his voice returned and a wave of emotion washed over you, threatening to overtake you. All of a sudden you were five again, running into the safety of his arms. Approaching the side of his desk quietly, you made sure to ignore the blood on the floor. One of the house maidens would clean it spotless as if it never existed. Until then if your father has decided to not address it, so would you.

One look at you and he clicked his tongue in disappointment. You had forgotten the mess you were in, and even worse you had brought yourself in the presence of your father looking this way. Shame shaded your cheeks before it was met with a damp towel, and the other with the padding of his palms. He held your head still as he wiped away the blood. He knew.

If you were snow, you would melt in the palm of his hands, and if you were a himawari flower you would bloom in his direction. Though you weren't a child any longer, it was moments like this that made every mission, every completed assignment, worth it. Your eyes fluttered in comfort, before finally closing. Yes, this was your father, and that was just a moment that that man definitely deserved. The same way you have earned your fathers softness, and comfort, he has earned his harshness and was punished for whatever mistake he shouldn't have let happen. Simple enough. At the end of the day, it was this man who knew your strengths and weaknesses, it was this man who built you into who you are. It was this man who knew how to soothe your nerves. It was this man who made you great.

“There, now I can see your face.” Your eyelids felt heavy in this moment, but you opened them still to meet his. A door opened in your mind, reminding you of the oceanside he took you to as a child. How he rolled the legs of his pants up so that you both could enjoy the water, your sudden shock of the coldness touching your skin followed by giggles and laughter, how you thought to yourself that his eyes reminded you so much of the sky’s horizon, how they were the same color as-

“The ocean.” The words slipped from your lips in an accidental whisper.

“The ocean?” He repeated smoothly, pausing for the moment.

It was then that you were reminded that his eyes weren't the only ocean blues in Japan, and that these ones were possibly looking for him.

“There is a man looking to kill you.”

Your father smiled and began wiping at your face again, tilting your head with delicacy.

“There are a lot of men looking to kill me.” he said plainly.

“No,” lifting your arm, you rested your hand gently over his and met his eyes with a desperate urgency behind them.

“This one is different.”

#blue eye samurai #mizu blue eye samurai #mizu #mizu x reader #writing #bes mizu #blue eye samurai fanart #bes x reader #your fathers daughter #yourfathersdaughter #fanfiction #mizu brainrot #mizu fanfic

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laura1633 · 27 days

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Have you ever written secret omega for lestappen?

I have written a secret omega lestappen but it was also an alternative universe with Charles as a secret omega F1 driver and Max as an alpha cuddle therapist. I actually removed it off ao3 as I wanted to work it into a longer story so I can't link it but I have included it below the cut.

Max could still very vividly recall just how surprised everyone was when he presented as an alpha. He too had long suspected that he was an omega. It was a reasonable assumption, he seemed to possess all the qualities people liked to associate with omegas and very few alpha traits.

His dad had been overjoyed, apparently alphas were strong and far more likely to succeed in business. He tried his best to look at the positives, his father was technically correct, society seemed to have some very outdated views about omegas in the workplace. At least presenting as an alpha gave him more opportunities in life. Still, he couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed.

During his teenage years he tried to fit into the mould that had been laid out for him. He was boisterous which at times spilled into anger and aggression. He tried to go into everything full on without fear and take what he wanted. For the most part he got away with it. When he picked fights people wrote it off as just something young alphas did, when he argued people mostly backed down or backed away. It never came naturally though and as he got a little older his behaviour started to feel more erratic and out of control rather than strong and stable.

A complete misjudgement in his early twenties changed the course of his life for the better. After a few too many drinks he had gotten himself into a fight with a much, much larger alpha and had ended up in hospital. When he was eventually discharged, still battered and bruised, he decided to stop pretending to be something he wasn’t and set out to become the alpha he always wanted to be. He let himself be vulnerable and display his emotions openly, he softened and calmed. The best part was that the more he settled into his new ways the more he realised that everything he had learnt about omegas and alphas was based on oversimplified ideas.

Whilst his new outlook may not have impressed his father it did lead him to his job and he loved his job more than anything because he was finally doing something good in the world.

The alpha buzzed the apartment for his newest client. Today was the first meeting, a time to reassure and explain all the benefits that came along with cuddling. It was also a chance for the client to set their boundaries and really think about their needs. Max was realistic, he knew a lot of people did not understand the virtues of cuddle therapy but he one hundred percent believed in it. He had evidence to back it up too, he had helped so many people.

Yesterday he had spent the morning cuddled up to an elderly omega who had lost her husband a year prior and just wanted to feel some level of intimacy and warmth without the guilt or hassle of trying to find someone new. Then there were clients who were dealing with stress but had no-one else to turn to, he would feel them settling into his arms and slowly relaxing. Then there were omegas who had had traumatic experiences with alphas and needed reassurance. When it came down to it most people had a basic need for comfort and kindness but didn’t always have a support system in place to provide it and he was more than happy to be there to help them through the tough times.

This client was his first ‘celebrity’. Not that they would be treated any differently. Each client was special and unique and the sessions were designed around their individual needs. It did however mean he had had to sign a very lengthy non disclosure agreement, and that was how he came to discover that F1 World Champion Charles Leclerc was not an alpha but an omega.

Max knocked on the door and patiently waited, when Charles eventually answered he looked a little hesitate but let him in.

“I don’t know how we start..” Charles mumbled, clearly a little stressed.

“We can just talk first” Max smiled reassuringly.

“You can’t tell anyone any of this can you? I just, if people find out then I will not be allowed to drive” Charles chewed on the sleeve of his oversized jumper.

“No I can’t and I would never. The whole point of this is for you to relax. Why don’t you tell me what you are hoping to get out of this?”

“Honestly, I just… I just want to be held. I have to spend all my time pretending that I am something I am not, sometimes I just want to lie in an alpha’s arms” Charles felt his face blushing red.

“That is understandable”

“It is?” Charles looked up hopeful.

“Of course. Human interaction is so important, genuine human interaction”

Charles smiled, “See this is what I mean, I can get a friendly hug or a pat on the back but I just.. well I am off my suppressants for winter break and I just.. I just need…to be myself and feel nice”

“We can do that” Max assured, he knew a little about trying to be something you weren’t. He may not have had to go on suppressants but he had certainly suppressed his true self for years. He would never push Charles to reveal his true designation but he would certainly give him as much comfort as he could.

“Can we just .. I mean I would prefer not to talk much”

“That is fine, this is your time, whatever you need” Max reassured. He preferred to talk first, to find out what the client needed so he could plan appropriately but some clients just wanted physical contact straight away, which was fine, he found those same clients opened up eventually.

“Do you do it here or like on a bed or in silence or ..”

“It is however you are most comfortable. We can of course cuddle in bed but I find most clients prefer something a little less intense the first time. Maybe cuddle here, in front of a movie if you would prefer”

“Sure, yes that would be good” Charles exhaled deeply, already flicking on the television and finding something inoffensive to put on.

“Okay I am going to hug you now Charles, let me know if you want me to move away or if anything is uncomfortable or overwhelming”

Charles nodded, he wasn’t entirely sure how a hug could be overwhelming but then again he had never actually snuggled up to alpha properly before. He had pretty much given up intimacy for racing. He took breaks in his suppressants and lived as an omega in the confines of his home during winter break but he could never chance a hook up or a relationship.

The omega shuffled a little closer into the alpha’s arms and tried to settle against their chest. Max’s body was warm, his chest broad and soft, his arms large and muscular. It was exactly what Charles was hoping it would be. He inhaled deeply, taking in the scent of cedarwood that blended so beautifully with his own sweet scent.

As Max wrapped his arms around him and held him close Charles felt himself drifting in and out of sleep, each time waking up to hear himself purring contently until he felt like he was floating. The omega took steadying breaths, moaning softly as he concentrated on Max’s chest rising and falling and the sound of his heartbeat.

“Are you okay Charles?”

“Yes, I …I…” Charles suddenly realised he was crying, Max’s t-shirt was wet where he had been resting his head, he moved away quickly, completely embarrassed, “Sorry I am not sure why I am crying”

“It is normal” Max tentatively soothed an arm up and down the omega’s arms and ushered them back closer to him, “It is just a lot, yes?”

“Yes” Charles mumbled, he really hadn’t expected such a physical reaction to being held but it truly was overwhelming.

“Just relax Charles, I’ve got you. You are safe”

“Okay” Charles tried to let go of the tension in his body, thinking about each of his muscles in turn until he felt weightless again, only being held down by the alpha’s strong grip., “It…. It feels nice”

“Good, would you like me to talk to you?”

“Maybe” Charles looked up to meet the alpha’s eyes, “And say what?”

“Just the truth” Max smiled, “That I think you deserve only good things. That you deserve to be able to be yourself”

“I wish” Charles hummed contently at the thought of finally being free, of finally letting everyone know that their precious alpha world champion was actually an omega.

“Perhaps one day” Max held Charles tightly, the omega’s body relaxing more and more as they held each other.

“One day” Charles closed his eyes and relaxed. One day he was going to do it, he was going to turn up as his true authentic self, was going to pave the way for other omegas. Today though, today he was just content to be in Max’s arms.

#Never have I ever game #Lestappen fanfic

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i-dreamed-i-had-a-son · 1 year

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Ok so I already projected onto John MORE than enough but good golly, I'm finally getting around to finishing Season 3 and I'm projecting even more because like ohhH my gosh. When Yeshua asks him to stay and wait for Simon, and he clearly is desperate to go with Him, and doesn't understand why it's Simon that Yeshua depends on, and just so palpably wants Yeshua to want him, and love him, and to be enough and he just doesn't feel it--and he takes that out on Simon--and it's just a great representation of John's struggles with pride and insecurity and the competitive nature of the relationship between him and Simon (the tomb, Simon's question at the end of John's Gospel, etc.)...and how Yeshua says, "John, I love you," and corrects him so gently, and takes his face in His hands because He knows it hurts, and has such compassion for John even in his shortsightedness...

AND THEN. ON THE ROAD WITH SIMON. Oh my goodness. The aro Christian in me is losing my mind because the final thing John says to Simon, after a string of adjectives describing virtues he sees in Simon but not himself--"Simon the exceptional. Simon the distinct"--is, "And yeah, maybe He calls me 'beloved' sometimes, but that's only because you have Eden! I don't know what you're whining about when you have found someone like her."

Like oh my gosh. I feel so seen here. Because John (and I) are all about love. We care about people so much. But it's commonly thought that John never married, despite it being expected in that society and most of the other disciples doing so. And what's being represented here is this painfully personal ache because yes, Jesus loves us; yes, we can have a special and close relationship with Him--but it feels like it's a substitute because it isn't what everyone else has: it isn't the love of a partner. John wants to be loved and needed SO MUCH and he feels lesser because he doesn't have that, so he admits himself that he resents Simon for having a wife. And that's exactly how I feel. I want my relationship with Jesus to be special, I want to be closer to Him than anyone and to be His beloved, and while part of that is genuine and holy, part of it is because I don't think I'll have or be worthy of anyone else's love. His love is treated as replacement for something "more." So we cling onto that because at least someone chooses us first. "At least" we have Jesus. But we still feel emptier than those who have other people choose to love them. We need to be exceptional and distinct because otherwise we'll be forgotten. Left behind.

And then John sees what his words have done to Simon and the pain his friend is carrying, and the change is instant. He runs to him and holds him and grieves with him and calls him brother, and tries (in his own imperfect way) to offer comfort and encourage Simon to turn to Yeshua for support. John has so much empathy and compassion; it's not that he doesn't care about Simon, and when he realizes what's going on, he immediately is there to support him. But he clearly feels less than Simon--less loved, and less important to Yeshua. And if not even Yeshua would choose him first...who does he have?

So yeah. I feel seen. And I hope that someday I can have the kind of relationship with Jesus that John had.

#the chosen #the chosen tv series #yochanan bar zavdi #kay can i just catch my breath for a second #meta #my meta posts #quality meta seal of approval #not to hype my own post up i just put that on all meta posts so that i can find them #christianity #my christianity #john #simon peter #aro #aromantic #aromanticism #my aromanticism

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mswyrr · 6 months

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These are the epigraph quotes that open the book. IMO:

Hobbes = Dr Gaul

Rousseau = Lucy Gray

Frankenstein = Coriolanus

“I thought of the promise of virtues which he had displayed on the opening of his existence, and the subsequent blight of all kindly feeling by the loathing and scorn which his protectors had manifested towards him.” — Mary Shelley, Frankenstein

If this is about him, it lends a fair amount of support for a more complex reading of his fall (leaning hard on potential for goodness wasted vs born evil). Though you could say it is about young people in corrupt societies generally, since his story is about the process of incorporation into a corrupt incentive structure overall imo, especially for people who aren't starting with ideology, but rather just prioritize being safe and successful and that leads them to compromise more and more. If that's true, it would still apply to him as this kind of prototypical example of these forces and choices at work though. What exactly else could she have put that there for?

#the ballad of songbirds and snakes #ballad quotes #coriolanus snow #thg meta #my meta #seriously who is the frankenstein quote about??? who?

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poeticmadness · 7 months

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The Angel in the House

"Man must be pleased; but him to please Is woman's pleasure; down the gulf Of his condoled necessities She casts her best, she flings herself."

In 1854, the English poet Coventry Kersey Dighton Patmore published his poem "The Angel in the House," which depicted his first wife, Emily. Much of his poetry focused on his idealized marriage life, and after Emily's death, a wave of grief haunted the rest of Patmore's work.

The cultural significance of this work is immense. Gender, as a social construct, has been defined and redefined numerous times. Attributes of femininity today differ significantly from the past. Nevertheless, certain ideas and motifs from past centuries remain familiar to us: women occupying a place in society solely determined by men.

"The Angel in the House" became a crucial motif in British and American literature during the 19th century. This term represents a woman imprisoned in the domestic sphere of social life, devoid of economic freedom and any work beyond serving her husband. Thus, economic independence for women was nearly impossible except for the lower economic class where women had to work to make a living. The Cult of Domesticity advocated four cardinal virtues—piety, purity, domesticity, and submissiveness—which defined femininity so distinctly that deviation was impossible. Victorian women either had to be passive angels or active monsters. It is also worth noting that this concept is highly race and class-based, meaning it mainly applies to upper-class white women.

Many other similar motifs appear in literary history like “the mad woman in the attic" in Jane Eyre which later contributed to the feminist approach to literature as a theory holding the same name. Instead of discussing every term and explain what they mean, I want to emphasize the importance of gender as an analytical category in literary studies. The absence or scarcity of female authors in many literary eras is perfectly described by Sandra M. Gilbert and Susan Gubar as “the anxiety of authorship." Just as Ms. George Eliot crawled during daytime with her doors locked like the hysteric female protagonist of Gilman’s Yellow Wallpaper, European and American women were so repressed by the family dynamics of their time that even the most privileged ones were hesitant to write or publish their writings. They knew they would not be recognized, and they feared the consequences of being more than they were allowed to.

In short, literature written by women is itself feminist liberation—a powerful urge that led women all around the world to fight for each other's existence. This aspect must be taken into consideration as a part of the historical background when examining the literary works of the past centuries. As Andrea Dworkin puts it more explicitly, "No woman could be Nietzsche or Rimbaud without ending up in a whorehouse or lobotomized."

William Holman Hunt, The Awakening Conscience

p.s. If you enjoyed reading this, I will also be posting short articles on Medium. I would appreciate the support *-*

#feminism #literature #study #studyblr #poetry #literary studies #study notes #art #woman #gender studies #gender #struggle #analysis #victorian #19th century #victorian literature

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mostlysignssomeportents · 1 year

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Mr. Davies Giddy rose and said, that while he was willing to allow the hon. gent. who brought forward this every degree of credit for the goodness,of his intentions, as well as for his ability and assiduity; still, upon the best consideration he was able to give the bill, he must totally object to its principle, as conceiving it to be more pregnant with mischief than advantage to those for Whose advantage it was intended, and for the country in general. For, however specious in theory the project might be, of giving education to the labouring classes of the poor, it would, in effect, be found to be prejudicial to their morals and happiness; it would teach them to despise their lot in life, instead of making them good servants in agriculture, and other laborious employments to which their rank in society had destined them; instead of teaching then subordination, it would render them factious and refractory, as was evident the in the manufacturing counties it would enable them to read seditious pamphlets, vicious books, and publications against Christianity; it would render them insolent to their superiors and, in a few years, the result would be, that the legislature would find it necessary to direct the strong arm of power towards them, and to furnish the executive magistrates with much more vigorous laws than were now in force. Besides, if the bill were to pass into a law, it would go to bur-then the country with a most enormous and incalculable expence, and to load the industrious orders of society with still heavier imposts. It might be asked of him, would he abolish the Poor-Laws altogether? He had no hesitation to declare he would; for, although they relieved many persons, who were certainly objects of compassion, they were also abused by contributing to the support of idleness and profligacy; and he never could admit it to be just or reasonable that the labour of the industrious man should be taxed to support the idle vagrant. This was taxing virtue for the maintenance of vice.

Saying the quiet part aloud.

#christ what an asshole #tug that forelock pleb tug it tug it

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zazzander · 1 year

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Octavian's Morality

I've always felt that Octavian's moral code was simply different, rather than absent, in comparison to the other characters. Most of the main characters of the series were raised in the USA, and of course the author himself is American. Therefore while Octavian acts very Roman, that runs contrary to the morality presented by the series.

This is not to say Octavian is good, but simply that Octavian does have a code that he follows.

So I wanted to discuss with Roman virtues we could ascribe to him.

Ambition

The first and most obvious one, in New Rome we learn that ambition is a virtue. Octavian doesn't lack for ambition in the series.

“A man who turns down power?” she said. “That’s not very Roman of you.” (Son of Neptune 182)

Octavian climbs the ranks during the series and before. We know he was given the post of centurion at some point. He is also the camp's augur. He later tries to get elected praetor. He seems to either have been made or made himself Pontifex Maximus (exactly how this goes down is hard to determine). However this isn't inherently bad, nor is the war with Camp Half-blood.

Reyna is often shown as an ideal Roman in the series, as opposed to the doubting Jason or the evil Octavian. Yet she sees that war and expansion as good, recruiting "friends" (read: sponsees not lovers) is part of that.

The praetorship will be yours for the taking. Together, you and I could expand the power of Rome. We could raise an army and find the Doors or Death, crush Gaia’s forces once and for all. You would find me a very helpful… friend.”

Obviously Reyna has a different target in mind than Octavian, but Octavian believed that Gaea was working with the Greeks, so ultimately - not that different. Octavian is ambitious, but that's not necessarily a flaw where he's from!

Firmitas "Tenacity"

One thing Octavian doesn't lack is tenacity. While Octavian doesn't have a lot of physical strength (at least, that's what Riordan intended though there's some evidence to the contrary) he does have strength of mind. Yeah, he has a lot of emotions and he was also certainly experiences psychosis at the end of BOO, however, he still manages to lead an army and eventually helps take down Gaea.

Octavian is determined. He sticks to his purpose. He can endure set back after set back without losing sight of his goals. Hell, he was covered in melting gold and still managed to keep going.

Honestas "Respectibility"

Definition: The image that one presents as a respectable member of society.

Okay, so this isn't something most modern folks necessarily see as a virtue. People don't walk around in suits anymore for example, but that doesn't mean Octavian wasn't raised with that expectation. Throughout the series we see Octavian wearing his toga or his armour even when others are not. His image as a proper Roman is just as important as his actions. This isn't necessarily something that Octavian likes doing, I think he prefers more casual clothing - as seen through his baggy shirts and pants. But he knows that isn't respectable.

Humanitas "Humanity"

Definition: refinement, civilization, learning, and being cultured

Octavian is knowledgeable about history, myths, and legends (as seen with his research on the Sibylline books). He's also a good orator, a good speaker.

Pietas

I would argue that his most tightly held virtue is his pietas. This Roman virtue has many levels and ways it can be expressed. It's deference to one's parents and ancestors. Which Octavian definitely had going on. It's also about fulfilling his duties to the gods and following their will in all aspects of life. Octavian acted with the guidance of the gods. We know that many of his gods were supportive of the war: Mars, Victoria, and Apollo to name a few. It's recognising your place in the community. As the augur, Octavian has set duties that I personally believe he was trying his best to fulfil. After all, the previous augur screwed up royally back in the 00s with Varus, so Octavian has that added pressure regarding his role.

Octavian smiled. “Already decided I’m your enemy? That’s a rash choice, Percy. I’m a loyal Roman.”

When Octavian says "I am a loyal Roman" I think this is what he's meaning. Technically pietas doesn't mean loyalty, but the way Octavian uses the word fits best. This virtue includes ideas like patriotism. I feel the concept of pietas fits better than the nationalism some have argued.

And this is something he values, outside of those who seek a second chance (and redemption) he's critical of all who lack pietas.

“Good!” Octavian yelled. “They’re traitors. All traitors!”

And I think Octavian's pietas is also one of the things that makes him seem so odd to the POV characters. It's not something they see as important, most don't really respect the gods at all (who are also their parents). So when Octavian talks about his loyalty to Rome, when he follows orders he doesn't like, or when he acts within the expectations of his rank - they see it as inherently wrong when Octavian would see it as honourable.

#octavian hoo #octavian pjo #octavian analysis #heroes of olympus #pjo hoo toa #new rome

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tarnishedxknight · 6 days

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3. What is your muse’s biggest fear? ((all))

5. What is your muse’s biggest regret? ((Drace))

6. Does your muse believe in an afterlife? ((Ashe))

9. What is one thing that would break your muse? ((all))

10. Does your muse have nightmares? What about? ((all))

11. Would your muse kill for someone they care about? ((all))

16. If your muse could talk to one person they’ve lost, who would it be? ((Basch))

18. Does your muse think they’re capable of changing? Do they even want to? ((Noah))

Angsty Character Questions

{out of dalmasca} Below the cut for length! =)

3. What is your muse’s biggest fear? ((all))

Basch: Failing those he loves. Basch's self-worth is all wrapped up in service to others, how useful he is, and what he can facilitate with his existence or efforts. He is only worth as much as he is useful, and he is only good as far as his usefulness is successful. So if he failed a loved one (e.g. "failing" Raminas by getting him assassinated), that's like death to him. Worse than death. Because it's his fault. He's responsible by virtue of his inadequacy.

Ashe: Not living up to the expectations of others, and not being enough. So much pressure and expectation has been placed on Ashe that if she were to be made to feel like she was worthless, a failure, not enough, or not living up to those expectations, it would shatter her. It's why she's so lost in the MCU verse because suddenly all those expectations are gone, and now she doesn't know what to do with herself. Her self-worth is wrapped up in proving herself and meeting expectations, so failing at that is a huge fear of hers.

Noah: Losing everyone he loves and being utterly alone. Noah needs his loved ones, particularly Drace and Larsa. Basch too, but he's liek a distant I just need him to be alive sort of need for Noah because they live so far apart. But Drace and Larsa are the pillars that support him and keep him from crumbling. If he lost them, and Basch, and even Gramis too, who was a father figure to him... Noah would be so lost and would lose his sense of purpose in life. The thought of being alone and not having their love, comfort, support, encouragement, etc. terrifies him.

Drace: Not making a difference in the world. Drace is a dreamer, for sure. She wants to change the world, or at least help nurse and support a better future one. One of her biggest fears is that she will leave this world as unchanged as the day she came into it. She fears not leaving a positive mark or sparking positive change, or not making a significant contribution to society. That's where her worth as a person is tied up, in her ability to make a difference in the world.

Caelen: Being defined by his blood and class instead of who he is as a person. The fear of not being able to escape his past, blood, upbringing, the "Dynast King" legacy, being a prince, etc. is so strong it keeps him up at night. He really fears that he'll never be seen as anything more than Dalmascan royalty and someone of Dynast blood, and that his personality and worth as an individual will forever be lost behind those titles.

Munoh: That they are destined to watch one mass extinction after another and never see the world settle peacefully. Being ancient, Munoh has watched countless empires rise and fall, races and beings come into their prime and then go extinct, and each time they feel very sad for the loss. Their hope is that the world will eventually settle and reach some kind of stasis, but that doesn't seem to be happening. Their biggest fear is that they are doomed to always watch the beauty and wonder of each age crumble into dust and be forgotten by antiquity.

5. What is your muse’s biggest regret? ((Drace))

Not doing something to stop Amoretta from abusing Noah. And, to be fair to Drace, there realistically wasn't anything she could have done that wouldn't have potentially resulted in her and/or Noah being dismissed, punished, or worse. Also, Noah asked her to please not try to interfere, partly because he feared action being taken against Drace, he feared escalation with Amoretta, and he feared other consequences of Drace getting involved. But... Drace regrets honestly promising him that she wouldn't get involved, and regrets not trying something. Anything. She doesn't know what she would've done, short of going to Gramis with the information or trying to threaten Amoretta herself, but realistically she knows those avenues would have caused nothing but trouble for herself and Noah. Still, she wished she'd tried something, and she feels a lot of guilt. It almost made her feel complicit in the abuse, almost like she was enabling it by remaining silent. Taking care of Noah whenever she could was a way she eased some of that guilt, but it never really left her, and it's one of the things that keeps her from fully committing to him, because she feels like she really failed him back then. That guilt causes her to keep some distance between them, only because she feels she let him down and like he should resent her for that.

6. Does your muse believe in an afterlife? ((Ashe))

She thought she didn't, but she does. Personally, she's never seen any evidence of an afterlife, and the only ghosts she's seen is that of Rasler, and that was a manipulative Occurian, not really him. But seeing him again, even as an illusion, made her realize just how much hope she did have that Rasler and everyone else she's lost are continuing on somewhere after death. She doesn't think she would've had that kindof reaction if she really didn't believe in it or think it was possible.

9. What is one thing that would break your muse? ((all))

First I want to define "breaking" a muse, because I feel like a lot of times when people say this, they assume it's like... the person is suddenly wailing, raving mad, insane, completely gone off the deep end. That's not how I interpret being "broken" by something. To me, it means that something gets irrevocably broken inside you as a person. More specifically, it means you are forever changed, never the same as you were before, something is different about you, you don't smile or laugh as much or the same way, an inner light is gone from you, that sort of thing. It's like there's a crack or a chip taken out of you now that you can't ever get back, like a loss of innocence but dialed up to a hundred, and those who knew you well before this happened can see/sense/hear it right away. So that's what I'm going with for these answers.

Basch: Causing the death of a loved one, even accidentally or unknowingly. Raminas' assassination, for example, broke something in Basch. He has so much guilt over what happened because he feels like without his association to Noah, it wouldn't have happened. But he also genuinely loved Raminas and Dalmasca, and he feels that being who he is as a person led to the death of an aging man who only wanted the best for his kingdom and daughter, and started a chain of events leading to the fall of Dalmasca. All of that really broke Basch's heart and to this day it is something very difficult for him to even discuss in detail.

Ashe: Being rejected by everyone she loves and left alone. Despite hating the expectations and pressures placed upon her because of her blood and station, Ashe does need the approval of those she cares about to keep going. Her father, Basch, Rasler, or any significant other she'd have would really have an effect on what she does and how she views it. For example, her discussing the "roles" she and Rasler have to play with him before their marriage, or Basch trying to dissuade her from using nethicite on Archadia. And certainly she did want to be seen favorably by her father, for she loved him very much. So if she were to be given up on by all those she loved and they turned their backs on her... that would certainly break something in her. She wouldn't know what to do with herself, because most of what Ashe does is for others, even as self-absorbed as she is. She's not the kind of self-absorbed person who can sit alone and stare at a mirror for all eternity and be happy, heh. She's the kind that thinks extremely highly of herself... as long as those around her are reflecting that back to her. The moment she's met with disapproval, being ignored, or being rejected by loved ones, it hits her very hard.

Noah: Losing someone he very deeply loves, which would be either Drace, Larsa, or Basch, either through death or in Basch's case, being abandoned. Basch's abandonment definitely broke something in Noah forever, and Drace's execution did the same. In his MCU verse, Noah really struggles a lot because he has not only been broken twice before, but now Larsa is gone, and that's another crack, another chip taken out of him. Without proper support, he'll spiral down hard and fast from that third nail in his proverbial coffin. After that, the only other thing that could hurt him again on the same level would be if Basch were to somehow die, for as much as Noah says he hates him, that couldn't be further from the truth.

Drace: Seeing nethicite used on Archadia on a large scale. Drace genuinely cares about the Archadian Empire and its people. She's spent her life in service to it, them, and Emperor Gramis, and to see it all fall would devastate her. Not only would it mean her whole life, all her work and dedication and love, was all for naught, but that amount of death on a large scale would be terrifyingly heartbreaking. She saw firsthand what became of Landis and Nabudis, and for that to occur with the entire Empire (e.g. if Ashe were to follow the Occuria's advice and use nethicite to obliterate Archadia) would definitely break her.

Caelen: Realizing that his decision to fake his death and run away from his life somehow caused the downfall of Dalmasca or resulted in his sister suffering because of it. He really felt like he had to do what he did to save his own life. Not... in a coward's-way-out sense of being afraid to fight in the war, but more in the sense of him not being able to live with himself anymore if he followed the path laid out for him by Raminas. He could feel how badly his mental health was spiraling, and so he did what he had to do to help himself. But... if he were to know half of what went on with Raminas and Ashe after he was "killed," some of that might break him. Because... his little sister was assaulted, pressured into marriage, then forced into hiding, and finally had no choice but to become the warrior he never wanted to be. And his father was left thinking he only had one child left and no sons, and then was assassinated without ever knowing the truth about Caelen. Weirdly, Caelen always kindof thought he had plenty of time to tell his father he was still alive, and that sort of lying to himself helped him to cope with the guilt of what he did. Finding out that Raminas was assassinated made him realize he was out of time and that the gravity of what he'd done was far more than he'd realized.

Munoh: Inadvertently causing a mass extinction event themself. They really cherish and appreciate life, and so if they were to give bad advice to a human who then turned around and used nethicite or something, or if through their actions they caused some other mass extinction all over Earth, Munoh would be forever changed by that experience. They would mourn the loss of life and feel immense guilt that would mark them for centuries to come.

10. Does your muse have nightmares? What about? ((all))

Basch: Yes, he does... about the aftermath of the nethicite explosion in Landis, being imprisoned in Nalbina dungeon, the assassination of his king. Basch has some very muddled, usually wake-up-with-a-start kind of nightmares about Landis, in that he'll suddenly see flashes of the destruction and suffering, smell the charge in the air, feel the intense fear and disorientation, and then bam, he'll wake up suddenly. It's like remnants of replayed bits of memory that his mind can't move from.

With Nalbina, he has more detailed nightmares about the torture he suffered, the darkness, he'll sometimes dream that he's back there and can't get to Ashe or do anything else he needs to do for duty's sake. With those nightmares he'll wake up feeing very heavy and sad, or he'll wake up in a panic, depending upon the specific content of the nightmare.

With Raminas' assassination, Basch will see his brother's smug expression, relive Noah scarring his face, feel the hopelessness and sorrow that came along with failing his king, sometimes even the spector of a dead Raminas will tell him that Basch failed him and was wrong to have placed his trust in him. This is another nightmare he'll awaken from feeling heavy and sad from, and he'll usually need a moment alone to recover from it.

Ashe: Yes, she does... about the death of her mother, and Vossler assaulting her. With her mother, she'll be taken back to being a seven year-old child, to the room where her mother died, being so tiny next to her bed, seeing her gray face, things like that. Ashe wasn't there when her mother actually died, but she saw her shortly before, and it's something that really bothered her, seeing someone who used to be so beautiful, kind, and full of life reduced to a thin, gray, invalid. She'll awaken from this nightmare crying, usually.

With Vossler, Ashe unfortunately just keeps reliving bits and pieces of that night, most notably the fear of it all, getting pinned, and what he actually did to her. She'll usually awaken with a start and fly into a panic, needing to do something to comfort herself before she can calm down, like wrap herself in a blanket or get a hug from someone she trusts.

Noah: Yes he does... about Basch abandoning him, Amoretta's abuse of him, and Drace's execution. Basch's abandonment really broke something in Noah, and his mind can't move from the fear, self-loathing, or hatred it produced. Despite the volatility of emotions in this nightmare, Noah will usually wake up crying or brooding and want to be alone afterward.

Amoretta's abuse, much like Vossler's assault with Ashe, is something that plagues Noah's mind in the form of reliving it again and again in his nightmares. It's why he doesn't like sleeping in beds because he feels it sets him up to feel as he did during his encounters with her, and blames the nightmares on that feeling. He'll awaken from these nightmares feeling panicky and won't want to be touched at all... unless by someone he really deeply trusts, like Drace or another close romantic ship.

Drace's execution... also broke something in Noah. He cannot forgive himself for it, which so part of the pain, but the other part is simply his grief at losing her so suddenly and unexpectedly. Guilt combined with suddenly loss and a lack of closure cause him to relive the event again and again in his nightmares. He usually awakens from this nightmare crying and will immediately seek alcohol to numb himself back to sleep. In an MCU verse where Drace is present, he'll seek her out in an almost innocent and desperate need to know that she's alive and with him still.

Drace: Not really, no? Not about anything specific. Every human being has generic nightmares such as tripping/falling and waking up with a start, or ones associated with loss of control like teeth falling out or suddenly being naked somewhere inappropriate, so she occasionally has those. But nothing specific haunts her enough to have nightmares about particular events or aspects of her life personally.

Caelen: He honestly doesn't have a lot of nightmares, but he does something have them about the first couple times he killed someone on a battlefield. Caelen isn't a pacifist, per se, like he understands that violence is a part of life, sometimes it's necessary, sometimes it's the only way, etc., but for whatever reason he absolutely does not have the stomach for killing people himself. Even "justified" on a battlefield in defense of his kingdom, it still made him feel sick to his stomach. He had a very visceral response to it that frightened him and he never wanted to feel that feeling again. Unfortunately, it left such a mark on him that, from time to time, he does have nightmares about it. But usually he wakes up feeling sort of okay, he just needs a minute to shake it off and move on from it.

Munoh: Nope. Occurians don't sleep, so they don't dream or have nightmares. And being so ancient, they've seen and heard it all, heh, so I'm not saying nothing bothers them, but they're more thick-skinned than human beings. Well, as thick-skinned as an incorporeal being can be, I guess. XD

11. Would your muse kill for someone they care about? ((all))

Basch: Yes, but under the right circumstances. Not impulsively or indiscriminately, but to save a loved one or at their order, if it was warranted, absolutely he would.

Ashe: Yes, she would. It would take some doing mentally, because that's not her first inclination, to kill people, but if she needed to, she'd muster the strength of will to do it.

Noah: Yes. Would. Has before. Will again. Next question. XD

Drace: Yes, but as with Basch, it must be under the right circumstances. Just, warranted, and after exploration of other options, usually. Under duress, perhaps she'd be quicker to come to that decision, but most of the time it would need to be a necessary kill.

Caelen: Hmm... this is a tough one. No, but also yes, heh. I'd say no, because he really does not want to ever kill anyone again himself. But........ if someone he cared about was threatened and there was no other way? Yeah, I think he would. He'd kill to save them. If they told him to kill someone (since the meaning of "kill for someone" is a bit unclear in this question), he'd push back and try to get out of it. But under duress if a loved one was in danger, I do think he could be pushed to that point. He'd feel very disturbed after the fact, though.

Munoh: Yes, but only if necessary. Killing is not something they like to do, so they'd want to explore all other options first.

16. If your muse could talk to one person they’ve lost, who would it be? ((Basch))

Raminas, and he'd want to make sure he knew it wasn't him who killed him. Like... the thought that Raminas, in his final moments, might have thought that Basch was betraying him, makes Basch feel just the worst, most heartbreaking pain. It's not that he wants to clear his name or anything, but rather he can't bear the thought of his king dying with that kind of shock and sorrow on his mind. That being his final thoughts and to feel that he was being betrayed by someone he had elevated and trusted and guided like a son is something Raminas didn't deserve in Basch's opinion. So if he could, he'd want to tell him that it wasn't him who did this to him, and he'd want to apologize for what happened, because he does feel responsible.

18. Does your muse think they’re capable of changing? Do they even want to? ((Noah))

No, he doesn't, but he also doesn't think he needs to. Noah thinks he's a really despicable human being. He's killed, savagely and without remorse. He's struck fear in the hearts of many. He's murdered his own parents and tortured his twin brother. He's done so many things - terrible, unforgivable things - from which no one can be redeemed, he feels. And he doesn't think he can ever change. He's been molded by certain tragic and traumatic events in his life, this is who he is now, and he doesn't think he has the ability to change.

Having said that, he doesn't think he needs to change. The person he is has aided the Empire in ways no one else could, and he's proud of that, but far more importantly, those who are most important to him (aside from Basch, that is), like Gramis, Drace, and Larsa, value or love him for who he is, just as he is. So those who love and accept him will do so for the person he already is, and for everyone else, he doesn't need to change anything.

#{ out of dalmasca } ᵒᵒᶜ #{ about the muses }

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