#just cant seem to focus on any task

[icewindandboringhorror]

feeling sick constantly in the background all the time is like.. usually negligible-ish.. until multiple various chronic background issues all happen to overlap at once and then it’s like 

[iloveboysinred]

Under the Canopy [Firelord Zuko]

Mdni 18+ content | Firelord! Zuko x Reader

Synopsis; Being Firelord had been taking up all your husband’s time. It was hard trying to be a supportive wife by keeping your own desires to yourself.

cw; fem!reader, sexually explicit content, messy oral sex (giving and receiving), fluffy smut, smut with feelings. P in V sex, two seconds of subby Zuko if you squint, split second of overstimulating the firelord, slight mentions of exhibitionism, kinda long and written by an amateur. ;<

; 3291 words

Masterlist

Sorry for the way the paragraphs are formatted, apparently tumblr’s servers cant handle long paragraphs 😒

GIF by @/choschang

It was quiet in the Fire Nation tonight.

You sat by Zuko’s study in your shared room, watching him work. He was writing letters in response to the leaders of the other nations, addressing their concerns as well as handling issues within his own nation. It took all his focus, brush in his hand sliding around on the parchment with precision. While you, left quiet and nothing to do, occasionally took the time to study him. His brow furrowed in concentration as he wrote, his steady hand occasionally pausing to dip his brush in the ink to continue writing on the scroll. The task seemed so simple, but you could see in his eyes he was beginning to grow tired. Zuko has been up long nights as well as enduring equally as draining meetings with diplomats, generals, and his advisors, all in the name of restoring peace to the world, and honor to the Fire-Nation. After the 100-year war, the burden of his forefather’s mistakes fell on Zuko and Aang, working restlessly to reverse 100 years of oppression, which of course, was no easy task. Paired with the uprising of rebellions, and the daunting task of earning the trust of his people and the whole world, being Firelord has kept your husband occupied and stressed.

Many times you found yourself in the same exact place you are now, leaning over the edge of the desk, offering little comments of advice and correcting his grammar, ignoring his occasional demands you get your rest. These long nights were the only alone time you and your husband could enjoy together right now, even if its just you sitting by his side quietly as he worked. Occasionally he would reach over and tangle his fingers with yours, squeezing your hand to let you know he appreciated your presence.

Your heart craved more than gentle hand squeezes and rushed pecks here and there, you missed the warmth of your husband. Many nights you’d lay alone in your extravagant bed, longing for the tender love and passionate touches only Zuko could provide. The silk red and maroon bedsheets reminding you of your husband’s insatiable appetite for your body. Your mind wandered back to your first few nights as newlyweds, when Zuko fucked you on any surface he could hold you up against. His hips rocking into yours hastily, pussy drunk and inexperienced, making his pace desperate. But by the time night had fallen, he had gained plenty of practice on exactly how to please you, making sweet love to you under the stars, not caring how loud you were or who saw you.

You rubbed your hand up the side of your neck, once constantly covered in angry red and purple marks. All gifted from your needy husband who couldn’t keep his lips off of your skin. You sighed, shifting your position on the chair you had taken next to the study. You tried to shake off the creeping arousal you started to feel in your core.

Zuko had to work. It would be selfish to interrupt him.

But you couldn’t help but want to be selfish. The bed behind you looked emptier than it has ever been. The duvet crisply folded over top of the cool, silk red sheets underneath pressed to perfection, not a single wrinkle in sight. Your soft, elegant pillows perfectly arranged in various shades of burgundy and red. All sitting on top of a strong, oak bed frame. A huge tapestry of the fire nation insignia hanging from the wall. Your gaze seemed to stick to the canopy you had specifically asked your husband to have built for you. The thick curtains now tied neatly to their posts. You pictured the lazy mornings you had with Zuko, your legs spread and comfortably resting on his shoulders, his head buried in between your thighs sloppily getting his fill of you. You’d thread your fingers through his hair, lightly grinding your pussy onto his face, urging his tongue deeper. Those very same curtains blocking out the morning light, letting you and Zuko enjoy a little more time with each other.

“Y/n? Cant you hear me talking to you??” bringing you back to the present, you tried to give your husband your undivided attention, your thighs clenched together, your undergarments now damp from your heated arousal. Those filthy thoughts of your husband making your heart race and your clit pulse. “Are you tired or something?” He asked you, tenderly reaching over to place his warm hand on your knee. You jolted at the contact, confusing your lover, who gave you a sideways glance before moving his hand to grasp yours, now resting on your thigh. “N-no i’m not tired baby. I’m just…reminiscing.” Zuko narrowed his eyes at your response, piercing gold looking straight into your soul. “About what?” He questioned, rubbing circles around the back of your palm. The warmth of his hand on your skin made your body tingle. “Well, i’m just thinking about our honeymoon…how I used to have you all to myself. Now it feels like I can barley get two minutes alone with you..” A knowing look overcame Zuko’s face, and you thanked the spirits your husband could read you so well to know what you meant without having to say too much. His cheeks flushed lightly, not expecting an answer of that nature and you smiled warmly at him. He never stopped being bashful, despite being well aquatinted with your needs and desires by now.

“Its okay though, my love. I know you’re busy nowadays. I wouldn’t want you to abandon your duties because of me-“ “come here, love” Zuko interrupted your rambling, pulling his chair away from the study and beckoning you over to sit on his lap. He spread his thighs as you sat down, giving you room to get comfortable. You clung to his robes, and he wrapped his arm around your back, holding you steady against his chest. His other hand rested at your thigh, rubbing and squeezing the soft skin. You felt your clit pulsing between your legs. You were so close to your husband’s dick, resting just under you. The only thing separating you from him being the thick robes that he adorned, and the thin fabric of your panties, now clinging to the damp skin of your pussy. Zuko caressed your back, pressing slow kisses up the length of your shoulder and neck. Nuzzling his nose against your cheek, his warm breath fanned across your skin, you melt into his embrace, breathing out in contentment.

“Tell me exactly what you remember about our honeymoon.” He murmured, sighing blissfully as you threaded your fingers through his hair. You flushed, timidly hiding your face in his neck as you recounted the filthy thoughts you had been thinking about just minutes before. “Well..i was thinking about the first night on Ember Island” you mumbled, moaning when you felt Zuko sucking on your neck, already attempting to leave a hickey on the skin of your throat. “ mmm..mind telling me the details?” His raspy voice made your heart skip a beat, light breaths escaped you as Zuko continued kissing your jaw, his other hand creeping up your thigh, causing your night dress to hike up, the fabric bunching up around your hips. You stilled as his hand ghosted over the skin of your inner thigh, dangerously close to your core. “I was thinking about how you put me up against the wall.. you fucked me so good that night. You always do” you breathed, shivering when you felt your husband’s finger ghosting over the flimsy panties stuck to your skin “And what else?” you barely heard him, the ache between your legs and his teasing was mind numbing. “I just miss you so much, Zuko.” you confessed, your voice was close to whiney, trying to pull at your husband’s heartstrings as much as you can. Zuko hummed, his hands tracing over the lining of your panties, thumb rubbing over the fabric covering your mound. Your breath hitched, the cotton clinging to your lips. He traced over the indent of your pussy, never once taking the soiled fabric off your skin. It was torture, the way his finger pressed slow circles over your clit, the friction of the fabric against you driving you insane. “I want you so bad baby, please” you whined, pressing yourself into his hand. You just about cried with relief when you felt your husband’s fingers slip past the band of your panties, right into your entrance. You arched your hips up, chasing the pleasure.

Zuko smirked against your neck, curling his fingers deliciously against your g-spot, his fingers moving in and out of you steadily. “Zuko..” you sighed, trying your best to fuck yourself against his hand, your hips matching the push and pull of his fingers. “Yes, my love?” He murmured against your ear, knowing exactly what you wanted. But you knew your husband. You knew he wanted you to use your words. “I want you to fuck me..” you whispered, grinding down against his semi-hard dick the best you could with his hand in the way, his thumb pressing harder against your clit. Zuko groaned at the contact, looking into your eyes, glazed over in desperate arousal, lust dancing in his own golden irises. Faster than you could even think, Zuko picked you up off his lap, hastily laying you down on your shared bed. The cooling red silk of your bedsheets felt pleasant against your heated skin. He leaned down, pressing a heated kiss against your swollen lips and you him kissed back, sloppily sucking his tongue into yours, eagerly grabbing at anything you could reach on your husband’s body. Zuko matched your fervor, with his hands running down your sides, fingers hooking onto the hem of your night dress, rolling the fabric up over your thighs and exposing your clothed sex. He pulled the flimsy fabric off with ease, slowly dragging the soaked garment off of you, discarding it somewhere you didnt see, or care. His hands grabbed the underside of your knees, pulling your legs open and pushing them up to your chest, opening you up for your husband’s hungry gaze.

He was quick, dipping his head down and pressing a wet kiss on your mound, dragging a finger up your slit to spread your pussy open, revealing your soaked folds. Your body shivered, the warm air against your clit sending shockwaves up your spine. You felt so open, completely exposed and at your husband’s mercy. Zuko wasted no time, pressing his warm lips against your clit, he suckled on the sensitive bud slowly, parting from you just to press his hand over the surface of your mound, the firm pressure causing your clitorial hood to inch back, giving your him more access to your bundle of nerves. You whined when he resumed his ministrations, devouring your pussy whole. Your body jolted when his fingers entered your heat, the pleasure almost overwhelming your senses. Zuko moaned against you, eating you like a starved man and fucking his fingers into you, curling inside of you and massaging your walls. You gripped his dark locs, hips bucking into his mouth out of reflex. A warm pool began to form in your stomach, the familiar feeling setting your nerves a light. Zuko spread your thighs, burying his face deeper into you, pulling away from your clit to replace his fingers with his tongue, tasing you whole. You gasped from the welcome intrusion, legs closing around his head, holding him still against you. But your husband was having none of it. He aggressively spread your legs open, tongue fucking you with vigor, fingers coming up to rub quick swipes over your clit. It didn’t take you long for your to reach your release, your vision going white as your body convulsed above him. Chant after chant of Zuko’s name as he continued to eat you out, riding out your high. Your chest rose and fell, your breath labored as you looked down at your husband, his hair now tousled and free from the top knot he had neatly placed it in. His chin was shining with your essence, and his pupils were blown. Even with his disheveled appearance Zuko still looked so handsome, and you felt butterflies in your stomach, just as you had when you first met him. Zuko leaned up and pressed a soft kiss to your navel, leaning up towards you and capturing your lips with his. Then he moved back down to your neck, placing feather light kisses against your skin.

A few moments later you caught your breath, your husband still cuddling against your chest, sucking marks on whatever patch of skin he desired. You tugged at his thick robes, successfully pulling the heavy fabric off your husband’s body with his help. Your eyes racked over his body, drinking in the sight of him. Zuko didn’t bother to move the robes off the bed, instead kneeling on them as he pulled his undergarments off, his hard length slipping out, tip flushed and drooling with pre cum. You pushed your hand gently against his chest, laying him back down and reaching for his dick, wrapping your hand around him. You stroked him from base to tip, twisting your wrist around the head and thumbing over his slit, rubbing his pre cum into his skin. Watching your husband shudder and lean his head back in bliss was rewarding. You lowered down to take him into your mouth, tongue flat against the side of him. Zuko sucked in a sharp breath, his hips stuttering up into your mouth at the sensation. You gazed into his eyes as you swallowed him whole. Holding your breath to stop yourself from gagging, you bobbed your head up and down his entire length, breathing through your nose as best you could. Zuko let out a drawn out moan, throwing his head back. You watched him, face hidden from your view, dark hair splayed out on the pillows. You knew exactly how to make your husband fall apart, and you loved every second. You dragged you tongue up his length, wrapping your lips around his tip and sucking, hollowing your cheeks as you bobbed your head, focusing all your efforts where he was most sensitive.

Zuko had been reduced a mess above you, whining your name out and panting, begging you to bring him to orgasm. “Oh fuck baby.. just like that”, “youre doing so good baby”, “you look so pretty sucking my dick like this” were a few of the phrases he slurred, praising you as you pleased him exactly how he liked it. Your free hand came down to cup and rub his balls. Squeezing them gently in time with your bobbing head. You swallowed him down once more, choking against his length as you bobbed your head at his base, his tip hitting the back of your throat. You swallowed around him, sending him over the edge. Zuko took a deep breath as him came, his body going rigid as he spilled into your throat. A jumbled mess of curses and your name spilled from his lips as he drowned in bliss. Eventually you pulled off him, stroking his length to milk him for everything he had. Zuko shuddered, pushing your hand off him, feeling over stimulated. But if it was one thing your husband had, it was stamina. Giving himself a few seconds to recover, he was on you again. Flipping you on your back, he wasted no time situating himself between your legs, his flushed tip rubbing poking your skin and his hair curtaining around you as his body leaned over yours. You stared up into his eyes, so many different emotions swimming between you both. Longing, lust, and love. “I love you” he mumbled, leaning down to rub his nose against yours, kissing your lips sweetly. “I love you most, Zuko” you responded, lovingly placing your hand on his cheek, his pressed a kiss to your palm before leaning back up, taking his warmth with him. The loss was soon forgotten when you felt him enter you, your walls expanding to welcome him in. You let out a low moan, wrapping your legs around his waist to bring him closer, deeper. His pace started out slow, rubbing his warm hands down your thighs as he rolled his hips into you, fucking you deep. “Zuko..” you sighed, his name seemingly being the only word your fuzzy brain can remember. “I know baby..” he leaned down towards you again, mouth pressing a kiss to your ear. “Just let me take care of you” he whispered, threading your hands together. His pace soon picked up, his hips meeting your thighs with every thrust. The weight of his body on yours felt amazing, the obscene sounds of your wetness filling the room and fueling his libido. Every thrust into your heat was filled with longing, the same desperation you had reflecting in him as he fucked you eagerly. You shuddered as your husband moaned into your ear, letting out strings of curses and praise as he lost himself in you. “Fuck baby.. i love you, i love how you feel” he slurred, reaching between your sweating bodies to rub at your clit, urging you to near your end. You cried out as you felt his dick beat against your g-spot. Your walls contracting around him, the pleasure in your core almost too much to bear.

The silky sheets under you felt suffocating, seemingly trapping the heat of your bodies. The sensations you felt becoming overwhelming. “Yes baby, yes!” You cried as he continuously hit that spot inside of you, his relentless pace driving you further and further over the edge. “You fuck me so good baby, oh fuck!”your voice reduced to whines, rolling your hips to meet his, fucking him back. “Let it out baby, give it all to me” Zuko grunted in your ear, his own release creeping up behind him. He rubbed your clit in fast circles, desperately chasing your release, as well as his. Your body went rigid as you came, the breath forced out of your lungs. Your walls squeezed and spasmed around Zuko, who bottomed out inside of you, releasing deep into your pussy. He let out a deep groan, his eyes shut tight and his eyebrow furrowed as he lost himself in pleasure. It was a sight to behold, and you considered yourself lucky to have it reserved just for you.

After a few heartbeats Zuko pulled out of you, grabbing one of the towels the maids made sure to leave on your night stand. He dipped it in the water basin, heating up his palm to warm the cloth. He cleaned you up, carefully wiping the mess up from between your legs, pulling the top sheet off the bed and throwing it somewhere on the floor. You sighed in contentment when you were in his arms again, he had taken the canopy down from its posts, the dark curtains blocking out the candle light in your room. Happiness surged through you as you snuggled into him, your back pressed to his bare chest as he tenderly pressed kisses to your shoulder blades. “That was amazing” you whispered, cuddling into his bicep and closing your eyes, enjoying the afterglow. “Yeah, it was” he murmured, wrapping his arm around your mid-section. “I’m sorry i’ve been so busy my love.” He sighed, pulling the discarded duvet over “like i said, its okay baby. Being Firelord isnt an easy job.. your nation comes first” you sleepily assured him, nodding off in the warmth of his embrace. “But you matter too..i promise i’ll make time for us. I’ll ask my advisors for more help. I’ll get through this as quick as i can” you smiled against him, bringing his hand up to press a gentle kiss on his knuckles. “Okay baby” you mumbled “i love you…” “ i love you too, y/n. So, so much” he whispered, putting out the candles in your room, tugging you closer to him. You slept peacefully that night, and in the morning your husband helped himself to another serving of you, just as he always had before.

Reblogs and notes appreciated :> hope you enjoyed!

Edited and final proofread; 04/28/24

[twistedwonderlandimaginesblog]

Hiii can i request jamil, idia, riddle and leona have to fight with their s/o that been brainwashed (like a gas that brainswash ppl in a gas mask yk srry i cant explain things ;-;) by unknown enemy so they have to fight each other

Idia Shroud:

Horrible situation. Idia hated this trope. That’s not entirely true, watching the MC feel conflicted about fighting their love interest actually added a bit of interest into a story, but reality wasn’t the same. Idia didn’t feel anything ‘fun’ about this situation. Ortho was ready to take you down in an instant but Idia had stopped him, worried about him going overboard and potentially hurting you more than he needed to. He had already started to formulate a plan to overcome the brainwashing to at least subdue you, the only issue is mustering the courage to potentially hurt you himself during the process.

Idia has to tell you about how annoying that situation was after. He started ranting about games that just fell back on popular tropes for the sake of torturing their characters but eventually sighed, saying he had enough for an evening. He didn’t want to leave your side as much as he did want to disappear back into his room, wondering if there was a way to have you just stay in his room with him while you recovered.

Jamil Viper:

Jamil is tired of his bad luck, tired of the only things that brought him joy being taken away from him and then thrown back in his face like it was no big deal. His surprise is clear and for a moment he does think he’s pushed you away too much, that you truly were sick of dealing with someone who would never be able to go after what he wanted. It’s your choice of using magic against him rather than your words (which would cut deeper than any physical wound to him) that showed him there was something more going on, with you being a puppet on strings for some other being. He wondered if his unique magic might steal you away from them but it would be a shot in the dark, since you were aware of his ability (while the ‘you’ in this brainwashed state might not be).

Jamil is frazzled but relieved the situation is over. Looking out for both you AND Kalim was an exhausting feat, and he didn’t know why he added to his never-ending workload. He’s glad you’re back to your normal self, which still seemed to regard him in a positive light, allowing him to push down his worries for the future of your relationship a little bit longer.

Leona Kingscholar:

There’s no one who knew your weaknesses better than Leona but he couldn’t assume this would be a walk in the park. He didn’t intend to hurt you but he’d do what he had to for the sake of this situation ending sooner rather than later. Apologies could always be given after but there’s only so much he could take, seeing you like this, invisible strings attached to your limbs as you’re forced to turn against him. If he had been quicker he would’ve saved you from the invasive feeling of having your body controlled while your consciousness is present, and he forced himself to focus on the task at hand rather than the hell you might be living in as it would only make him angrier.  

Leona didn’t want to talk about it when you were back tomorrow. He hit you with an ‘it is what it is’ and moved on to your wounds, minor as they were there was still some scrapes you couldn’t get away from. You didn’t blame him and he didn’t blame himself, but he’s still not happy about having you turned against him. You were his, after all, and losing your loyalty even temporarily dealt a blow to his ego that he was desperate to keep hidden.

Riddle Rosehearts:

Riddle is alarmed at how quickly the situation escalated, flinching when his words don’t seem to be reaching you. He’s not used to being on the other side of you in a fight, even if you were to practice magic with him it was never with ill intent. He finds himself fighting against being distracted, trying to think of you as a simple misbehaving student who needed to be collared. His unique magic did make it a little easier to wrangle you in but he’s wracked with guilt cutting you off from your magic when it’s not really your own actions that caused you to be punished.

Riddle is wary about talking with you after, until he knows the brainwashing is gone and you’re back to normal. He shuffled around the actual topic he wanted to bring up which was incredibly unlike him, a fact you pointed out before telling him in the kindest words possible to spit it out. He admitted seeing you brainwashed was disconcerted, and that he’d rather never see you as an enemy again. He knew it wasn’t your choice but he’d prefer you stick close to him in the future, just so he could stop the problem before it even began.

[glimmervoi]

A SEALED FATE: EMERALDS AND BLOOD - VI The Beginning of the Winter Ball

masterlist

e&b masterlist

notes: phew, that took forever for me to write ;-; i was really struggling with this one and Idk why because i was so excited to write it when i left off at the last chapter. oh well, it's up now - i hope you all enjoy it!! cant wait to get the next chapter up :D

The winter ball shimmered with life and elegance, a spectacle that drew envy from all corners of the kingdom. Dressed in gowns spun from the most expensive of threads and suits tailored with utmost precision, guests from far and wide glided across the floor in a symphony of laughter and music, each step a testament to the grandeur of the event.

The ballroom buzzed with energy as guests mingled and danced. The musicians in the corner belted out lively tunes, adding to the festive atmosphere. Glasses of bubbly wine clinked together as people laughed and chatted, the room alive with excitement and joy.

The ball was just getting started, and you couldn't help but be amazed. Coming from a humble village, the grandeur of the event was like something out of a dream. It was a stark reminder of how far you'd come, even if your presence there was not something you had initially expected nor wanted.

You weren’t supposed to be serving at the ball that night. Rae had assured you that the service maids would take care of it, giving you a rare night off. It was a welcomed relief, as you had plans to sneak off to the stables, hoping to catch a glimpse of the mysterious man you had encountered days before.

You were almost certain he was a stableboy by his attire, but when you mentioned the handsome man to Rae, she drew a blank. Still, you felt compelled to check the stables, just in case.

He had lingered in your thoughts since your first encounter, leaving you yearning for that electrifying, joyful sensation he brought. Yet, your plans to visit the stables were ruined upon entering the maids' chambers to change. Sanria's unexpected presence stopped you in your tracks.

An hour later, you found yourself in the small kitchen adjacent to the ballroom, gazing through the open door at the guests reveling in laughter and joy.

Sanria had already departed, leaving behind a chilling warning of a painful beating with the thin wooden rod she kept tucked in her apron. The threat hung heavily in the air, a reminder of the consequences awaiting any mistake or offense against Iseul, the stern head of the service maids.

Iseul, while not as imposing as Sanria, still commanded respect. The young woman's raven hair framed a stern expression, her lips set in a deep frown, and her slender frame seemed more stiff than a stone pillar. Like Sanria, she too carried a wooden rod tucked into her black apron, a silent symbol of her authority and a promise to punish any who angered her.

Isabella, a bubbly blonde maid, stood in stark contrast to Iseul's severity. Despite the initial shock of being summoned to serve at the ball, she had lent a hand in getting you ready. With her assistance, you managed to squeeze into the all-black service dress and frilly apron, a uniform reserved for special occasions.

In Sanria's presence, Isabella remained silent, but her eyes spoke volumes. They conveyed an understanding of your confusion, discomfort, and alarm at the daunting task of serving important guests in such a grand event, especially considering your recent arrival at the castle. You couldn't help but wonder who had requested such an inexperienced servant for such a significant occasion.

You had to shake off the unsettling feeling and muster your courage. Allowing your nerves to affect you would only invite trouble, but if you pretended to be confident and composed, you might just get through unscathed.

You stood in silence, observing as Isabella and Iseul quickly arranged two sleek black trays laden with tall, slender glasses brimming with sparkling wine. You willed the slight tremor in your fingers to cease, your focus fixed on the task at hand. Iseul didn't spare you a glance once she finished, merely snapping her fingers before pivoting to prepare another tray.

Isabella's kind gaze met yours as you approached. "Have you ever carried a tray filled with glasses like this before?" she inquired, her tone gentle. Her presence brought a sense of comfort, causing your tense shoulders to ease slightly. You shook your head in response.

"It's easy, really," she reassured, smoothly sliding the tray from the table onto her waiting hand. The liquid in the glasses barely rippled, and she held the tray with ease, despite there being at least ten glasses resting on its surface. "Just carefully slide it onto your palm. But don't go too fast or too slow. It can practically sense your fear when you do it that way."

Your brows furrowed as you gently tugged on the edge of the tray. Not too fast, not too slow—just right. You hoped you'd get it just right on the first try, before Iseul turned and witnessed you dropping an entire tray of wine on the ground.

You tugged the tray onto your hand, mimicking Isabella's technique, wincing as the wine threatened to spill over the edge of the glass. The blonde nodded her approval and offered a small smile. "Perfect," she said, brushing a stray droplet off the surface of your tray.

"Now, when you go up to serve someone, you must first bow your head like this," Isabella demonstrated by dipping her chin lightly, her eyes cast downward. A respectful and simple action. "Then, ask them if they would like a glass. If they ask what the wine is, it is a Sparkling Snowdrop from Shivermaw. It’s their specialty."

You faintly remembered the name, Shivermaw. One of the girls a few beds down from yours was born there, but had left due to the crumbling economy of the winter city. Supposedly, the Duke and Duchess were doing just fine, and so were the wealthier inhabitants of the city. But the further out from the city's main area you got, the poorer the families were. And that wasn't even considering the rural villages, comparable to your own.

You shook off the thoughts of Shivermaw and nodded at Isabella. "Alright, ready?" she asked quietly, approaching the doorway of the kitchen. You swallowed, tempted to admit you weren't ready and that you just wanted to go to bed. But you followed her, once again gazing into the beautiful ballroom.

"Ready," you said quietly. Then, you both entered. The music swelled, and so did the voices of the guests. The scents of their perfumes enveloped you, making it feel like the air in your lungs had vanished.

So many people, you thought to yourself, trying to steady your breathing. It had been one thing to peer in from the outside, but standing amidst the crowd was another matter entirely. Your legs began to shake; you were terrified. The reality of it all sunk in deeper now that you were actually there. The fear of making a mistake and facing Sanria's wrath felt closer than it had before.

Isabella seemed to sense your anxiety and gently nudged your arm with hers. "Hey," she murmured softly. You looked into her bright eyes, your breath coming out shakily.

"Act like you've been doing this for years. Confidence is key - if you show it, they won't question a thing. All they really care about is having a good time, indulging in food and drink, and enjoying each other's beds," she said with a playful smirk.

Indeed, she had a point. They'd likely glance past you without a second thought; you were merely a background figure. With a resigned sigh, you summoned a faint smile. "I'll handle the right side. You take care of the left?"

Isabella nodded, her gaze filled with reassurance. Alongside you, other maids clad in attire identical to yours were already circulating on the right side as they handed out drinks. You surveyed the area, noting the guests who had yet to acquire a glass of Shivermaw’s wine.

You made the choice to approach a stunning woman with ivory skin and hair that looked to be made of the sun's golden rays. Her gown, a blush colored silk, was adorned with so many pearls that it looked as though it was twice as heavy as she was. Yet, she moved with effortless grace as though it was as light as a piece of chiffon.

You followed Isabella's instruction, gracefully bowing your head as you presented her with a glass of wine. She momentarily halted her conversation with a handsome, dark-skinned man, casting her gaze upon you. However, instead of acknowledgment, her expression shifted from flirtatious to one of disdain. Without a word she turned away, dismissing you with a subtle gesture and once more engaging in conversation.

As you willed away the prickling irritation and embarrassment from her reaction, your focus shifted to an older woman, her hair gracefully streaked with silver. She wore a gown of deep blue, its simplicity heightened by its quiet elegance. With a composed demeanor you approached her, bowing your head respectfully before extending the offer of a glass of wine from your tray once again.

"Thank you, dear," she murmured softly, graciously accepting the glass. A sense of satisfaction washed over you, prompting a gentle nod from you in response. With a silent step backward, you gave her the space to savor her wine in peace. Slowly you distributed the rest of the contents of your tray.

For the next hour, you conducted your own quiet waltz, moving in harmony with the music resonating from the heart of the room. It was a dance of five steps: a “graceful” journey to the kitchen, where you retrieved a fresh tray from Iseul, whose silence remained unbroken. Returning to the ballroom, you distributed the wine, then retreated back to the kitchen to restart your dance. Each repetition carried its own rhythm, blending seamlessly into the elegant cadence of the evening.

On your eighth trip to the kitchen, Iseul abruptly halted your motion as you reached for the replenished tray. Her hand landed firmly on the tray, blocking you. "Let Nidora handle this one," she instructed, her voice carrying a raspy edge. You complied, withdrawing your hand as the quiet redhead silently took the tray, avoiding your gaze as she did so.

"Is everything alright?" you inquired softly, clasping your hands behind your back. Despite your lack of prior experience in service, you had believed you were managing quite well.

Iseul set down the dark blue wine bottle that she had been uncorking and fixed her gaze upon you, her eyes filled with nothing but disdain. "I don't like you," she declared bluntly, causing your brows to raise in surprise.

"O-oh," you stammered, searching for a more composed response. You understood that everyone had their own thoughts and opinions, but you couldn't help but wonder why the head maid had chosen this moment to share hers with you. After all, you hadn't knowingly given her any reason to harbor such animosity.

A few seconds of uncomfortable silence passed before Iseul broke it, her voice tinged with accusation.

"The only reason you're here is because a Prince specifically requested you," she asserted, folding her arms tightly across her chest. You recoiled slightly, taken aback by her words. Instantly, your thoughts turned to Namjoon. He had been the only prince to engage with you, and it was merely a single request... Had you somehow inconvenienced or offended him?

Rae hadn't shown any signs that Namjoon was concerned or dissatisfied with your performance. Surely if you had done something wrong, she would have brought it to your attention? And if you had, why would Namjoon specifically request you? It didn't make sense. Unless... unless he was planning to make an example of you in front of everyone at the ballroom?! The thought sent a shiver down your spine, unsettling and alarming.

You started to tremble, the uncertainty and anxiety swirling within you. What could you have possibly done to provoke such anger from him? Rae had ensured you that he received the correct tea, so why would he single you out? Was it possible that he wanted you specifically to serve it? But would such a minor detail warrant such public humiliation in front of the entire ballroom? The questions raced through your mind, each one amplifying your anxiety.

Iseul's snort cut through the tension, her smile twisted with malice as she observed your shocked expression. "You're just like that whore Kassie. You slept with one of them, didn't you?" she accused, leaning in with disdain. "Now my neck is on the line. If you mess up, the repercussions fall on me. If I wanted to deal with an inexperienced cleaning maid, I would have gladly taken Rae’s position myself-"

"What are you talking about?" you interjected, cutting her off mid-sentence. Panic surged through you, your hands trembling as you braced them against the counter. Leaning forward, you desperately tried to convey your innocence. "I haven't been sleeping with anyone!"

Iseul's nostrils flared, and she uncrossed her arms with a sharp motion, seizing the bottle of wine from the counter. "Your reaction tells me that you’re lying," she stated icily, her tone cutting through the air like a knife as she resumed pouring the wine into the waiting glasses. “I want you to know that if you make a single mistake, I will be the one beating you. And my rod is much more painful than Sanria’s.” 

You attempted to interject, to offer some form of defense or clarification, but she swiftly silenced you before you could utter a single word.

"I do not care about your excuses," she spat, venom dripping from her lips. "Just get back out there and do your job. And do not mess it up." Her words were a cold dismissal, leaving you with no choice but to comply, the weight of her expectations heavy upon your shoulders.

You recoiled, instinctively flinching as she forcefully thrust a tray towards you. The dark-haired maid's stern demeanor left no room for doubt - she wasn't bluffing. If you made a mistake, she would know, and the consequences would be dire. Standing there to argue or seek answers would only further infuriate her. She had already made up her mind, convinced of your involvement with a prince. It was clear that trying to reason with her would be futile. With a heavy sigh, you resigned yourself to brushing off her accusations and returning to your duties.

Shakily, you grasped the fresh tray and cautiously approached the doorway, peering into the bustling room. Tension gripped you once more, just like it had during your initial entry into the crowded space. If Namjoon had indeed requested your presence, you were determined to avoid the tall prince at all costs. Yet, despite scanning the room, you hadn't caught sight of him all night. Was it a stroke of luck, or perhaps part of his scheme to catch you off guard? The uncertainty gnawed at you, adding another layer of unease to an already tense evening.

You made an effort to steady yourself, taking note of the shifting atmosphere within the ballroom. The tables were now being repositioned, guests darting around with metal keys clutched tightly in their hands. The key matching game was underway, evident from the flurry of activity as people hurried to find their matches.

Your thoughts drifted to the stableboy from earlier, and a pang of longing tugged at your heart. Amidst the chaos surrounding you, you found yourself yearning for his company, wishing you were anywhere but in your current position. However, you steeled yourself and pressed onward, continuing your duties of distributing wine to the newly formed couples who stood together, their keys glimmering in the soft candlelight.

You emptied two more trays, although you remained unsettled from the encounter with Iseul. Suddenly, a familiar tingling sensation coursed through your veins, prompting you to instinctively tighten your grip on the empty tray. A small shiver danced down your spine as you glanced around, a strange feeling creeping over you.

Suddenly, a warm hand rested gently on your shoulder, and a soft voice murmured close to your ear, "I finally found you." Startled, you whipped around, feeling the heat rise to your cheeks at the unexpected proximity. Before you stood the stableboy who had occupied your thoughts for days, appearing even more handsome than you remembered.

A smile unconsciously spread across your face as you prepared to ask him why he was there, rather than tending to the stables. However, your question remained unspoken as a glimmer of gold caught your eye from atop his head. Your breath caught in your throat as you realized— he was wearing a crown.

He was wearing a crown.

[alexanderlightweight]

Congrats on the move being over!! I just did that in the fall and it is so miserable. Hopefully y'all are safe and sound and can get to the fun stuff like decorating. For prompts, what about Magnus noticing that Alec clearly has a competence kink and is always trying to jump him after he does anything that Alec deems impressive, a lot of which are things Magnus rarely gets complimented for. Everything from little things like making some basic (for Magnus) potions, or pulling off a complicated ritual, or putting someone in their place.

Thank you!! ooof yeah it really is. it's been a bit f a mess too cause i'm unpacking for multiple people (they physically cant) and so it's slow going lol and my focus is just being done tbh. but we are all safe and honestly it was good timing with how bad the heat got around here. we wuld have been really screwed at the last place.

i hope you enjoy this!

<3 lumine

-

It’s impossible for Magnus not to notice Alexander interest. He gives himself away so easily, never truly trying to hide his curiosity or the delight that watching Magnus inspires in him.

Alexander acts as if even the simplest of tasks are impressive.

He’s full of delighted pleasure when Magnus explains making his own shampoo and the next morning when they slip into bed, he murmurs his awe against Magnus’ jaw. Such a simple thing, and yet it impresses Magnus’ darling so very much.

Alexander’s pleasure sends thrills down Magnus’ spine and it coils in his gut and his magic.

Sometimes when Magnus is studying and dissecting a ritual — cannibalizing it for ease of use or just because he can — Alexander will press fervent kisses to his jaw when checking in on him. They are never distracting, but they do linger with heat and Alexander always murmurs such delightful things before he leaves Magnus to his work. It’s enough that Magnus is nearly always tempted to follow — and sometimes through no fault of his own, Alexander sways him — before he gets a hold of himself.

Alexander will watch Magnus create a star and then kiss the dust and ash of it off of Magnus’ fingers with eyes more luminous than an aurora. He never seems to grow bored of Magnus’ more flippant experiments, instead equally curious no matter if it gets set aside or not.

The first few times Alexander happily accompanied him to Pandemonium, Magnus hadn’t understand what his boy got out of it.

Beyond the pleasure of Magnus’ company of course, which Magnus knew was the main draw.

However, while he didn’t hate it, Alexander wasn’t known for his love of Pandemonium of any of the other clubs he sometimes joined Magnus at.

It typically depended on how his night had gone and if he — if he worked — had the energy or even left the Institute early enough to join Magnus. Or if he didn’t work, if he’d gotten enough rest where going out and dealing with Pandemonium wouldn’t defeat the point of taking a night off.

Sometimes however, Alexander will manage to stop by for no reason at all.

He’ll cut himself a few hours of time in patrols where instead of returning to the Institute he instead meets Magnus at Pandemonium. He stays for a bit and then meets the next patrol he is due to lead or train.

It had never quite made sense to Magnus, until he realized how often Alexander came while Magnus held court.

Too often holding an open court will turn to complaints or even fights. While Magnus is hardly ever directly involved, he typically does shut down and end the conflicts before they can get out of hand. It took a few weeks — where Magnus was admittedly busy with other things — before he realized that Alexander liked seeing Magnus put others in there place.

It lit something in Magnus’ boy, a spark that would turn into an ember that Alexander carefully hoards until they can meet again. It explains the passion that Alexander so often meets Magnus with the mornings when they reunite after such evenings.

It's been a very long time since Magnus has been so wholly appreciated.

Such simple things and yet by Alexander’s delight and awe alone, it brings them both pleasure.

[throwaway-yandere]

Paint (Kaveh/Reader Drabble)

a/n: not a yandere fic, i'm just a kaveh simp who cant focus on pe midterms lol. Sorry i didn't draw anything like usual– this is literally just something i wrote like 7 minutes tops lmao

-------

"What... Exactly are you doing, Master Kaveh?"

"Ever heard of rapid hardening cement?"

"Not really, no."

"Well, you're about to find out what it is." 

Kaveh peeled off the straw-like material from the solid concrete, revealing the final product of his casual 2-hour-long project. It was a miniature house, adorned with bricked textures and tones. Something at this level is mere child's play to him, but to everyone else? It's quite a masterpiece, not even his roommate can refute that statement or criticize his work. The light of the Kshahrewar honestly never ceases to dazzle and amaze you.

"That looks fantastic…"

Kaveh shrugged. "Eh, can't say I agree. It's a bit too basic for my standards– I'm quite indifferent about the results."

"Still doesn't make it any less great for everyone else." You were awed, unable to tear your eyes away over what he called a 'basic' project.

Kaveh's expression softened. "Thank you."

He quickly looked back at his model. "A-Anyways, the only thing that would complete it now is a bit of color. Are you good at art, (Y/n)?" 

"On the contrary, no." You sighed. "The only art form I practice are social dances, and I presume you meant a more visual display?"

"Unfortunately yes." Kaveh frowned. "Anyone else you know I could ask?"

"There's the traveler but..." You muttered inaudibly, not wanting to bother her with the eccentric architect's antics. "No, I don't."

"Well, why don't I teach you how to paint?" Kaveh smiled. "Come, sit beside me. It's a fun exercise! It'll help you act a little less rigid."

"Rigid...?"

"Yes." Kaveh nodded solemnly. "I pity the victims who had such sparks of creativity die so easily between the rough hands of the corporate and cold life. (Y/n), you act like such a grandmother that I sincerely did not believe you when you told me we were roughly the same age."

"W-Well, the Akademiya never taught us this so–"

"We're gonna change that today."

Kaveh brought up his painting materials. There were posted paints, glitter, fake grasses, and–

There's not a single paintbrush.

"Kaveh, I'm afraid you don't have a brush. Might I run to buy you one?"

"What? Who said we're using brushes? I make and break the rules of architecture around here."

Kaveh pulled your hand, his fingers locking with yours. His hands were warm. With a youthful smile, he forced you to sit beside him. He hastily grabbed a capped red paint, before pointing at the roof. But you can't seem to focus on the task at hand– how can you, when his face looked so aesthetically pleasing?

This man...

He set this whole thing up perfectly.

"Today's mission is to bring back the childlike wonder in your eyes– you'll find out what a joy it is to finger-paint!"

—--

The next day, Alhaitham comes back to his desk carrying a large pile of paperwork, not knowing where to put it as he mentally screamed at his roommate for making his workplace more paint and glitter-filled than last time.

"I swear– I'm going to take both keys the next time he asks them out."

[valentine-writes]

ur writing is super good!! sorry if i’m piling on with this, but any angst with miguel? i need this man put in a blender

if you need to be mean

「 tws + notes: vv possibly ooc, unedited, spider-person reader, unhealthy dynamic, assorted angst, hurt/comfort ending, reader is cold, miguel doesn't know how to deal with emotions, everyone is a wreck but they're all trying so hard :( </3 」

「 gn!reader, man idek if this is platonic or romantic tbh y'all r just messy here 」

↳ ft. miguel o'hara/spider-man 2099

author's note: THANK U SM!! and i got u!!! i am. so excited 2 practice more for him– anon please don't be upset w/ me,, but,,, (´∩｀。),,, i physically don't think i can write Pure Angst. i wud b no good at it!! :p so! hurt/comfort in the end ๐·°(৹˃̵﹏˂̵৹)°·๐ i CANT JUS,, END IT SAD,, </3 i am so so sorry!! also so so real putting him in tha blender at the Highest Speed ever,,, he iz my milk webkin fr (lovingly) (kinda) some real quick stuff: this was gonna b short but i Overdid It and im still unsure whether i like it or not. and also. i was supposed to have the reader being mildly Messed Up™️ too cuz "hehehehe letz make this more difficult >:))" (also becuz miguel is NOT the only one allowed to have issues + too many angsts i have read where reader jus takes what miguel dishes out passively and i didn't want that) BUT I ENDED UP MAKING IT WORSE AJDHDQWHJE,,, hopefully this is. angst galore. again i am not great w this <( _ _ )> <//3

▸ maintaining a healthy relationship with miguel– in any form– proves to be difficult.

this is especially prevalent in the beginning stages of your developing relationship. you begin to learn that he is terrible with verbally expressing any affection he feels towards you. some days he seems almost so completely distant that there’s valid reason to worry that he just doesn't care about you anymore.

these worries are the furthest thing from the truth– miguel hasn't cared about someone to this extent in a while. still, he finds himself lacking, completely unable to tell you how much you mean to him.

▸ sometimes he grows fearful that he's become too attached to you. he aware he's in too deep at this point, yet conflict rages on in his mind: whether it's better to hold on as tight as he can to keep you in his life, or let you go before something rips you away from him.

part of him is worried it's only a matter of time before something happens.

these thoughts are usually quelled by drowning himself in tasks and missions, using his focus on work as a means of distraction.

when there's nothing left to shut them out, he chooses to avoid you instead of seeking reassurance.

there are times when you don't see him for days straight. he doesn't send you on any missions, doesn't contact you, actively avoids you when you're inside of the HQ– and when you eventually see him again, he avoids speaking of it. you both understand you're meant to pretend like nothing happened.

you're not beyond doing the same to him. miguel is distraught with how similar you two can be, how you reflect him and he reflects you in unique and awful ways– ways that only the two of you can understand.

▸ whenever you choose to be the one to spontaneously ditch, however,,, there are moments where he gets desperate and ends with him seeking you out,, usually by assigning you a mission just so you have a reason to come back

no matter who leaves– whether it's you or miguel– you both end up taking each other back in the end, half-heartedly reaching the unspoken agreement that this is the way you two “reconcile.” you grow accustomed to this back and forth.

you're both wonder who this is hurting more.

▸ never wants to be seen as clingy or needy. wants to convince himself he can make it on his own, that things are somehow better that way. miguel feels a deep frustration in the fact that he can't seem to process his emotions in a proper manner.

he seeks solace in solitude, even if it never fully works. he's willing to settle with feeling "okay" instead of "better." (self isolation moment.)

asking for help on missions is one thing. asking for personal help is another, which means that offering him support on his bad days is always a hit or miss.

most of the time, if someone chooses to extend their hand to him, it's typical that he swats it away and insists he doesn't need anything. he doesn't accept help easily– even when it's from you.

▸ there's always the off chance he lets you stick around. he's silent as you find a place for the two of you to sit down. once he’s comfortable, he leans against your side.

the quiet in the room isn't tense. it isn't scary. you know he just doesn't want to talk about what’s bothering him often. he can't even verbalize how much you mean to him– how is he meant to explain any of his other emotions to you?

"it's okay." you whisper, breaking the silence in the room. "just... take your time."

even though your words are as soft you can manage, it feels like you're yelling in contrast to his complete wordless state. you glance over at him. miguel doesn't meet your gaze.

"i'll be here for you," his expression softens ever so slightly at your words as you reassure him, "i promise."

he only mutters one word in response: "don't."

▸ (next headcanon based off of this art from instagram. slide two specifically.)

you can still remember the first time he ever cried in front of you. it's been a vivid memory in your head ever since it happened– not because of why it happened– but because of how it happened.

"you haven't been around for days, miguel." it's been almost more than a week since you've last seen him. this time, you sought him out– not to bring him back into your life, but to confront him one last time. after deliberating for longer than you cared to mention, you finally decided you were going to make things right or get out of his life for good.

and there he is, standing on his platform. it's lowered to the ground, the orange holographic screens surrounding him empty, displaying nothing. they emit a soft glow in the dark of the room.

"tell me what's wrong." you demand. the tone in your voice is unfamiliar to him. you're not making any effort to conceal how thin your patience has been wearing.

his back is turned to you. he doesn't say a word until you approach the lowered platform he stands on.

"go away."

"what? like you've been doing this entire time?" you retort.

"go away." he repeats more forcefully. his anger doesn't scare you away. nothing ever does.

you stare at him unflinchingly. "not until you tell me what's wrong."

miguel knows you're going to stand firm. you're going to stay until he tells you. as he lifts his head, glancing over his shoulder to speak to you, you brace yourself– you wait for him to yell. to lash out. anything.

he just looked at you. his eyes, stinging with tears, meeting your stare.

you don't remember what was hurting him that day. you can't recall what made him breakdown in front of you. no, this is the part you remember.

miguel's large frame looks so much smaller as he attempts to shrink himself, as if trying to hide from you. he averts his gaze, trying to blink back the tears and fails horribly.

he has nothing left to do. miguel hides his face in his hand, even if it’s only the two of you in the room. he’s humiliated– completely ashamed– that he can’t seem to stop his crying. for a moment, you’re frozen, unsure of what to do.

it's a drastic change from how you know him. standing in front of you, miguel seems more like an inconsolable child, rather than the detached and icy person most knew him as.

"don't look at me." those are the only audible words miguel manages to choke out between stifled sobs. he cries like a little boy.

and you hate it. you hate how hard he makes it hard to stay angry at him. you hate that no matter what you do, you can't stay away.

the tension in your body dissolves slowly, jaw unclenching as you sigh to yourself. you’re caving already.

it takes you a moment, but you know you can't leave him like this.

slowly approaching him, you quietly wrap your arms around him from behind, gentle enough for him to pull away from your touch if he didn't want it. he doesn't protest. you swear you can feel him subconsciously lean in.

"it's okay," you mutter, "i got you."

▸ miguel makes sure to talk to you the next day after you comforted him. to your surprise, it wasn't to tell you to keep that moment between the two of you– he knew you well enough to know you wouldn't say a word.

he was there to say thank you. simple and plain as that. he thanked you for sticking around. thanked you for being there even though he constantly pushed you away.

and you couldn't find the energy to respond. horribly disheartening to miguel, considering this is the most effort he had put in to communicate with you– but understandable. he didn't push you any further.

as awful as it felt to know, you didn't want a thank you. you didn't need his gratitude for your stubbornness.

it was much too late for a thank you to resolve the days he left you without a word, only to return expecting everything to be the same. it was much too late for a thank you to make you feel better about the fact you ended up comforting him even after everything. those words couldn't fix anything.

you wanted a goddamn apology.

▸ it's been almost three weeks since you'd last been seen around the spider society hq.

nobody seemed to be aware of the reason for your sudden disappearance. miguel was worried sick.

his temper is shorter, his patience is waning, and he’s willing to snap if anyone even mildly irritates him. it’s an unpleasant experience for everyone.

he'd tried to find you by tracking your watch, which proved to be useless. you were too clever for that– you'd made yourself undetectable, somehow disabling or destroying it before you left. miguel could’ve hunted you down, searching every place in the multiverse to find you again, once more to see you. but he didn't have to. the moment he had decided to start the search, your watch went active again, allowing him to locate where you were. like you were beckoning him over.

he didn’t hesitate to meet you there, stepping through a portal to get to you. notably, you weren’t in your own universe– but he wasn’t going to scold you for that. not now.

there you were. it was almost dream-like to him, seeing you sitting in the grassy fields in the middle of nowhere, the outline of your frame illuminated by the moonlight. the night air was filled with tension, as you sensed him approach from behind and quietly sit beside you.

he’s the one to break the silence. your name slips from his lips, as he’s about to speak up–

"hey." you greeted flatly, cutting him off. you glance at him with a weak smile, chuckling dryly. "so... you need something?"

"...no." miguel glanced around at the unfamiliar setting. just before he can get anything out, you part your lips to speak again, looking up at the dark sky, glittering above the two of you.

“i forget that new york doesn’t have the best view of the stars.” you murmur. “light pollution and all that shit… so y’know,, this is nice. i missed this type of view.”

he nods in agreement, though the small talk about the stars isn’t what he wanted from you.

you continue with your little ramble, seemingly just saying whatever came to mind. “speaking of cities– how’s your corner of the multiverse been? has nueva york been fine? feels like forever since i’ve been there.”

miguel tries not to be distracted by your casual conversation or your obvious allusions to your absence. he sees the way your shoulders are held tense, the way your gaze flits over at him expectantly– miguel knows you’re just waiting for him to talk about it, anticipating what he’s oing to say next.

"i– look–” he takes in a breath, finding the words he had been planning to say all this time. “i know. i know i messed up, and i messed up a lot. …i just came here to tell you i'm sorry. for everything."

there’s a momentary lapse of silence between the two of you. the tension is immeasurable as he watches you shift your sitting position, facing him entirely.

"you should be. asshole."

miguel sighs. “i… really should’ve expected that.”

“you know, migs? i tried so hard to just leave you alone.” the previous confidence in your voice wavers. there’s no bitterness in your words, no malice. he hears it in your tone: you’re just worn down, utterly emotionally exhausted.

he hears a sniffle, causing him to turn his full attention to you. the tears glisten as they fall from your eyes and drip down your cheeks. you make no attempt to shy away.

“what are we gonna do now?” you ask, looking over at him. your voice is faint. small. “i can’t let you go– and for fuck’s sake, you won’t even let me– so… what now?”

“i… don’t know.” he confesses. his hand makes his way to yours, placed atop it. his other wipes your tears away, trembling as he touches your cheek with all the tenderness there is, like he’s afraid he might hurt you. he whispers your name again, and it is the sweetest sound you’ve heard in a while.

miguel usually thinks he’s no good at comforting others. but in this moment, you would’ve never known that. he doesn’t hesitate to pull you into an embrace, holding you in his arms like you’re the most precious thing in the world. he’s not leaving you to suffer alone. he’s not leaving you like that ever again.

“you don’t have to forgive me.” he whispers to you. miguel knows he can’t repair all the damage he’s done. he knows you might never be able to look at him the same. And for once, he’s fine with that. he just needs to know you’ll be okay. “...just, please. let me do this for you.”

[winters8child]

It´s been a long, long time

Chapter 12

After we were done talking to Dr. Erskine, he had told us to be at Camp Lehigh in two days, we went outside looking for Bucky. He was waiting leaning on a lamppost and even if I hated the fact he was going to war, he looked damn good in that uniform. When he saw us he sighed a breath of relief, "So everything good? You were taking your sweet sweet time in there.". I decided that, without knowing what was expecting us at Camp Lehigh, I chose not to tell Buck about Dr. Erskine. I did not want him to worry, he needed a clear head for what was ahead of him.

"Well we are here now so, lets go dancing.", I said cheerily. I felt better now, knowing that maybe I could help and did not have to wait back here like a damsel in destress. Steve shuffeled around and shook his head "You two go, Im exhausted and I cant dance anyway so…". Bucky hugged him asking "Are you sure?", Steve nodded and said "Be careful. Dont win the war till I get there!" Bucky saluted him and I gave Steve a quick hug whispering "See you in two days".

The dancing venue was tightly packed, full of soldiers like Bucky, that were here to enjoy their last night home. I was not a fan of dancing but this was Buckys last night so I would have done anything he asked of me. We sat down at a table for two and gave our drink orders to the waitress, I decided on a glass of red wine and Bucky had some whiskey. Not long after we sat down, Bucky got up and asked me to dance. I took his hand and we walked to the dance floor while "Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy" by the Andrew Sisters was playing.

Almost everyone was dancing so the dance floor was full, not allowing to make any big movements but still, Bucky seemed to have fun and that was all I ever wanted. The song was over and it changed to a more slower romantic tune and I made a move to sit down but Bucky stopped me "Just this one dance doll" and how could I have said no to that and it was just dancing, whats the worst that could happen. He put his hand on my waist, I put my hands on his shoulders and we were swaying to the music. Our bodies were so close to each other that I was afraid he could feel my heart beat out of my chest. As if I was not nervous enough he started to look at me and smile dreamily, I was a goner.

I blushed, I started sweating and there was that "I gotta throw up" feeling again and here I thought I had left those things behind. Beeing Buckys friend was hard but dancing with him was impossible. He would not stop looking at me and to make matters worse he opened his mouth too "You are most dear to my heart and everyday that Im away, I will hope to come back to you.". I must have looked like a tomato by that point and the sweating intensified. "Buck…I", he interrupted me "Let us just enjoy this evening, let these mermories sustain me while Im gone." I did not know what to say to that, so we kept dancing until the venue closed up.

He accompanied me home later that night and I walked as slow as I could, because I did not want the night to end. He must have thought the same, since he matched my pace. After the shortest 10 minutes of my life, we were standing at my front door. Bucky took my hand and kissed it while looking straight into my eyes, this evening was not going the way I had imagined. Despite my best efforts to remain calm I asked breathily "Want to come inside, for a cup of tea?" which he agreed to and that was the first mistake I made that night.

I unlocked the door and let him go inside, I took a deep breath and followed him. I felt shaky allover and a cold sweat broke out over my skin, I was so nervous that I almost fainted. "So what kind of tea are we having?" he asked snapping me out of my reverie. "Uhm I have earl grey and peppermint tea", i answered. I wanted to keep occupied so I went into the kitchen, preparing the teapot. I could not focus on the task at hand, thinking about Bucky beeing at my appartment at night…alone. He would leave tomorrow morning and I felt like we were not here to drink tea or maybe I was just beeing delusional.

Bucky came into the kitchen asking if I needed some help but I shook my head and promptly dropped the teabags I was holding. He crouched down to pick them up, looking into my eyes the whole time. He straightend up and handed them to me but did not let go of my hand. "I dont like tea…", he whispered and closed the space between us without breaking eye contact. I wanted to say that I have coffee too but my throat dried up and all I did was stare. His face got closer and closer as he grabbed my face with both hands and crashed his lips against mine.

I should have been shocked or panicked but all I could think of were the last 11 years, all the tears I had shed, all the feelings I had to hide away and so i put all of those unfelt emotions into that one kiss. I grabbed him by the collar and pulled him closer as he pushed me against the counter. His hands were in my hair, then on my waist, they were roaming my body hungrily, as if he wanted to feel every part of me. All the while kissing me with a fervor I had only dared to dream of. The sensations were intoxicating, with the taste, sight, and feel of his skin and lips sending a jolt of arousal through my body. Eventually we ran out of breath and had to break apart but he did not let go of my face and whispered "Tell me to leave and I will go.". Just the thought of him leaving now made me want to curl up and cry so I shook my head, took his hand and led him into my bedroom.

Next Chapter

[discar]

HZD Terraforming Base-001 Text Communications Network

Chapter 45 | Prev chapter | Next chapter Chapter Index

FlameHairSavior: Alva, did you lose something?

DIVINER: ...no?? Not that I know of!

DIVINER: Though now I'm worried!

MARSHAL Kotallo: I thought you were planning a journey.

FlameHairSavior: Yeah, I'm here, I just found something that I thought might be Quen.

FlameHairSavior: [Skiff.jpg]

DIVINER: Wellll... it could be? I don't want to sound arrogant, but we're probably the only people who have the expertise to make something like that! But it's just a small boat, and not one I've seen before!

DIVINER: Where did you find it?

Icarus: I sent her to the place the Tenakth call the Burning Shores.

FlameHairSavior: That makes me sound like your errand-girl.

Icarus: It's not my fault if the title fits.

HIMBO: HA! HE'S GOT YOU THERE!

FlameHairSavior: Hey!

MARSHAL Kotallo: You do tend to take up more tasks than are strictly necessary.

ADMIN [Zo]: I feel like someone mentioned the Burning Shores before.

β: its hollywood

DIVINER: Gasp!

HIMBO: DID YOU FORGET YOUR GIF OR WHATEVER?

DIVINER: If you're in Hollywood, did you find any archives?? We could finally have our movie night!

FlameHairSavior: I've been a little busy.

DIVINER: Right, right, sorry!

DIVINER: Where exactly did you find the boat?

FlameHairSavior: [FleetsEnd.jpg]

FlameHairSavior: Outside this Quen settlement.

ADMIN [Zo]: Perhaps you should have mentioned that earlier.

DIVINER: YOU FOUND THE LOST FLEET?????

β: and made a joke about it

HIMBO: YEAH, I THINK THAT'S A BIGGER SURPRISE.

DIVINER: We thought they were all dead! We were never able to get in contact with them!

FlameHairSavior: All their Diviners are dead. It's just soldiers and sailors.

FlameHairSavior: Oh, and Compliance Officers. A lot of Compliance Officers.

DIVINER: Oh dear.

ADMIN [Zo]: Is that as bad as it sounds?

DIVINER: Well, the fact that Aloy is texting us means they didn't manage to confiscate her focus...

FlameHairSavior: Yeah, but they're pushy about it. It doesn't help that the sailor who brought me in, Seyka, stole a focus from one of the dead Diviners.

DIVINER: That is in DIRECT violation of our holy tenants! There's no way she can get away with that! The Imperial FAMILY couldn't get away with that!

FlameHairSavior: Admiral Gerrit didn't seem that worried.

DIVINER: He's alive!?

DIVINER: Wait, why am I surprised? That man would probably survive a mountain falling on him.

FlameHairSavior: I did get something of that impression.

DIVINER: Well, I'm sure he can keep Compliance from doing anything too drastic. Did he let the sailor keep her focus as well?

FlameHairSavior: Yeah. Since no one else is willing to touch it, it's clear she's the only way they're going to get the data.

HIMBO: WELL, HOOK HER UP! LET US TALK TO HER.

FlameHairSavior: And let you drive her away? No thanks.

β: i can hack his focus so he cant talk

ADMIN [Zo]: Please do not tempt us.

FlameHairSavior: No, I don't want to overwhelm her. She hadn't even figured out how the radio worked until I showed her.

HIMBO: YEAH, THAT'S FAIR. IT'S PRETTY CRAZY AT FIRST, AND SHE DOESN'T NEED TO BE DISTRACTED BY SOMEONE AS ENDEARING AS ME WHILE SHE DOES THAT.

Icarus: Will someone explain to me why you all put up with this man.

FlameHairSavior: He's good for lifting heavy objects.

HIMBO: AND I'M FINE WITH THAT!

DIVINER: Wait wait, Aloy, you said they're looking for data? Is that why they never came back??

FlameHairSavior: No, sorry, I should have explained.

FlameHairSavior: They crashed here and lost a lot of crew. Including Seyka's sister, their only navigator. Some are dead, but Seyka's sister is just missing. I'm unclear on the exact timeline, but I think this has something to do with Londra.

ADMIN [Zo]: Who?

β: walter londra

β: one of the zenith

Icarus: He fled to the Burning Shores when he realized the battle at their base was lost.

HIMBO: WHEN EXACTLY DID HE RUN?

FlameHairSavior: I don't know. Does it matter?

HIMBO: DEPENDING ON WHEN HE RAN, HE MIGHT STILL HAVE HIS SHIELD INTACT.

FlameHairSavior: ...shit.

Icarus: I misspoke. He split off from the Zeniths shortly after landing. I believe I told you this already.

FlameHairSavior: It's been a busy day.

Icarus: He should still have his shield. Though if he has not come out to personally confront you yet, I suspect that is a good sign.

FlameHairSavior: Yeah, I guess.

FlameHairSavior: Anyway, their last Diviner died at some ruins. Seyka managed to use his focus to get his last images and piece some things together. Except now she can't get into those ruins, because Londra set up a tower that shoots down anything that gets too close.

FlameHairSavior: Which, by the way, is how I met Seyka. Got my sunwing shot from under me.

DIVINER: Oh no!!

ADMIN [Zo]: But you're fine?

FlameHairSavior: Yeah, I landed on sand, it was fine.

β: i dont think thats how it works

FlameHairSavior: So I met Seyka, met the Quen, did some stuff, went to the tower.

FlameHairSavior: Oh, and that reminds me: Alva, do your ships have engines? The big ones, I mean.

FlameHairSavior: I'm just trying to figure out why a couple random Quen sailors and engineers managed to build a skiff with an engine, but your entire empire couldn't build them for the big ships.

DIVINER: No, you're right, our ships are almost entirely wind-powered. I was part of the group that argued against engines, actually!

ADMIN [Zo]: Wind-powered?

β: she means the sails

ADMIN [Zo]: Ah.

DIVINER: The problem was that we couldn't build engines quickly enough. We learned sailing from the Legacy, but engines had to be designed from scratch! It was a huge endeavor! It would have pushed back our departure by months, if not more! We decided that it was safer to leave sooner, with proven technology.

HIMBO: SO THE SMALLER ENGINE IS EASIER TO MAKE.

DIVINER: Exactly! Lower margin of error, too!

FlameHairSavior: Yeah, Seyka mentioned jumping out of the boat when something goes wrong. The water is pretty shallow here.

DIVINER: Not really an option on the open ocean!

FlameHairSavior: Seyka and I just destroyed the anti-air tower a few minutes ago. I thought I'd give you guys an update.

ADMIN [Zo]: We appreciate it.

HIMBO: WAIT WAIT, YOU CAN'T JUST SKIP OVER THE WHOLE THING!

HIMBO: HOW DID YOU DESTROY THE TOWER?

MARSHAL Kotallo: Indeed. I find it doubtful that it was undefended.

FlameHairSavior: It was a trap.

ADMIN [Zo]: For you specifically?

FlameHairSavior: Yeah, there was a message he recorded for me. I don't think he knows I'm here yet, but he was ready for the possibility.

FlameHairSavior: The tower unfolded into this strange machine and started shooting at me, but we managed to take it down. Couldn't have done it without Seyka.

MARSHAL Kotallo: I am glad to see that you understand the value of working with others.

FlameHairSavior: Hey, I just finished leading an assault on the Zenith base. I know how to work with other people!

MARSHAL Kotallo: And then you immediately sent us off on our own missions and jumped at a chance to fly halfway across the region.

β: without taking anyone with you

FlameHairSavior: What, did you want to come?

β: no

β: but you could have asked

FlameHairSavior: ...oh. Sorry.

β: its fine

ADMIN [Zo]: Division of labor aside, I am glad you're finding more allies, Aloy.

FlameHairSavior: Thanks.

FlameHairSavior: Beta, Alva, I was going to ask you about hooking their Diviners back up to your network.

β: i thought you said they didnt have diviners

FlameHairSavior: They have to appoint new ones eventually, right?

DIVINER: If they haven't yet, that means it's most likely all the apprentices died as well! Though perhaps Admiral Gerrit will find a way to allow this Seyka to be promoted!

FlameHairSavior: Maybe. I wouldn't bet on it, though.

DIVINER: No. Neither would I.

FlameHairSavior: I've been trying to convince her to leave them behind. Maybe she can even come back to the Base. The way they treat her hits a little close to home.

β: youve picked up another one havent you

FlameHairSavior: Another what?

HIMBO: I'LL ADD HER TO THE BETTING POOL.

FlameHairSavior:  Fine, whatever. I'm going to spend some time exploring before we move on.

DIVINER: Oh!! You're still going to find some movies, right??

FlameHairSavior: ...I'll keep an eye out.

DIVINER: [FistPump.gif]

Chapter 45 | Prev chapter | Next chapter Chapter Index

[hogtiedwhore2]

day 200 of denial, and a task

today is the 200th day since my last orgasm! seeing that number 200 is crazy to me, some days it feels like its been less, some days it seems like it has been longer then that lol 😄. to celebrate my 200th @dirtynerd-83 gave me a task/challenge to complete. i would stand flat against the wall, my left hand extended straight out with a dime in each finger pressed against the wall. a 6th dime would be held by my nose against the wall. for an hour i would need to hold up all the dimes. if one dropped, that would result in 1 day of no touch. if this sounds familiar, i have done a few challenges like this in the past. @dirtynerd-83 gave me this exact challenge last year. this challenge was also cleared with my owner who has informed me that any no touch days this results in doesnt start until monday.

so i started this challenge earlier today by stripping naked. that was one of his requirements was to do this naked. from there i stood against the wall putting my left hand up and using my right hand to put the dimes in place. once ready i scooted over until my arm was straight out. i had a table next to me which i had a timer on my phone. i started the hour timer and placed the dime between my nose and the wall. my right hand was to be placed behind my back the entire time.

one of the worst things about this challenge is not being able to see how much time is left. maybe its a blessing not being able to stare at the time, but ignorance is not bliss in this situation. i have no idea how much time is left while i am doing this. i feel like i started off really well. my arm wasnt getting tired, i did some yoga before hand to help me stretch and limber up. id like to say i made it 20-30 minutes holding my hand on, but i cant even begin to guess how long it took before i started feeling it in my arm. maybe im overestimating and it was more like a pathetic ten minutes lol. either way, once the pain started, it felt like time was slowing down even though i couldnt see it. soon enough, my arm was beginning to shake. up until this moment i felt like was i was coasting, but not the struggle was coming into play. the physical struggle of my arm staying up, and the mental struggle trying not to give into it. i wish i could tell you how long i fought the fight, but i have no idea. my hands began to shake, the dimes pressed into the wall with my sweaty hand. one dime dropped from my pinky unable to hold it there anymore. this was a blow mentally, hearing the hear scrap the wall and hit the floor. it started a chain reaction when my arm gave out completely.

the sound of those dimes falling and hitting the floor was a mental blow. i felt the weight of 5 no touch days crashing onto me. i wanted to cry. i had tried so hard to keep my arm up, but i had nothing left in my arm to continue holding it up. from there on out it was just the dime that i could barely see in front of me. i had to be mentally tough for the rest of the challenge. 5 days of no touch is devastating, but that 6th felt like the 6th circle of hell i did not want to experience. however long was left in the challenge felt like a whole other hour to go through. i just wanted it to be over with. it felt good having my left arm down now, but i still had keep my focus on my nose. i did everything in my power to keep that focus and not break

but at long last, the timer on my phone went off. i made it! sure i only held 1 up of the 6 total, but that felt like a huge victory after the 5 fell pretty much at the same time. i was so mentally exhausted after this. i had to sit down right away. ill be honest, once it settled in i was going to have 5 no touch days, i got kinda down. if you know me, i hate no touch. im open and honest about that. it just plain sucks. but some time to think about it, and a helpful talk with @dirtynerd-83 i am feeling better about it. its going to be tough but i will get through it. in the end it helps me with continuing my denial. that is whats important. but still...

next week is going to suck!!! 😥

[fruit-salad-ship]

Pirate AU, captain Plum getting so angry at Peach, so stupidly furious, maybe she withheld information, maybe she did somethign dangerous and stupid, maybe she chased a ghost and endangered the crew, or just...was so dimissive to her own existence it just finally got to her, maybe she'd spent too long drowning her sorrows and being useless. Whatever caused it, Plum starts to throw her weight around as a leader. Kicks her second in command her sword, Peach doesnt even carry it most days, whats the point? She wont die if she's caught without it. So she sees it being presented, eyeing the captain from where she sits.

"Pick it up." Plums dead serious, Peach ignores her, she says it again, louder, angrier. the second time was not a request at all, so with a sluggish stagger peach gets up, picks her sword up, it is not in the best condition, she'd fix that but cant be bothered. It doesnt matter to her one way or another.

She instinctivley blocks an incoming attack, Plum is so mad, venting her anger at this woman through practice, or...maybe this isnt practice? She's attacking with real intent, perhaps a good fight would knock some sense into Peach. The woman seems only half heartedly bothering to defend, she doesnt fight back in any way, slowly being backed up to a mast, ducking to not get hit in the side, plums blade dinking off the wooden trunk.

This goes on for a while, with each lazy movement Plum becomes more furious, how is she putting so little effort into this and coming out unscathed? It dawns on her that if Peach was to fight back, would she have the clear advantage she thought she originally posessed? Plum thought she was the more refined and skilled fighter but...this womans wasting her potential.

Peach grows bored of the back and forth, instead of dodging, taking the hit. People tended to stop attacking soon after that. In a real fight she'd fake her death and get up after a minute of pretending to get back and protect whoever needs it. Plum however knows this tactic, she cant fake her death, the sword in her shoulder hurts, shes immortal, not immune to pain, grabbign it by the blade and pushing it back out of her, an act that unsettles plum, seeing the womans hand cut as she didnt struggle to remove her sword. No slowing, no time to think, plum takes another quick move to land another hit.

Theyre nose to nose, blade through this womans torso, poking out the other side. Of course Peach cries out from the sting of it, gutteral response, but it subsides, she can ignore it and focus on the captain, glaring up at her with such rage in her eyes.

"You done?" a raised eyebrow and calm demeanour from the old pirate. "Fight back." Plum wanted to see what was lurking on this ship, what she'd hired, irritated still from earlier. "You dont want that, just let me go back to my drink." Peach eyed the bottle stood on a barrel not too far away, just wanting a peaceful watch on deck. "No. You need to care. You need to do more than defend, I need a second in command who'll activley try to live, to survive, not just be a walking pin cushion and hope to die every time you take a hit."

This was stupid, the slight twist of the blade in peach's gut a threat, Plum felt guilt, she shoudlnt have been doing this, knew it hurt her, but would never kill. The irrittion that this idiot, this woman who could do so much, would just simply choose to do nothing instead got to her however.

"I'm not fighting you."

"Why not?!" Plums sword slid out and she took another agile swing, slicing through the womans shoulder, she didn teven try to move away from it.

"Because theres no point. You'll lose, all the skill in the world wont end me, its a fruitless task." And truth be told, Peach wouldnt raise a blade to her, couldnt even, unsure why, just...couldnt bare to fight her properly, fully aware of the horrors she'd enacted on foe in the past, no friend deserves that.

"So you only act when its too late? Only do something when youve already lost." At such close proximity Plum was able to glare at her, and for a brief moment, Peach felt something she'd not had in her for a while. Rage. Not more than four days prior to this she'd mentioned the past, her wife, the way she got revenge for what happened. It felt like...Plum was calling her out for that. For not doing enough then, as if what happened was her fault. While to some degree she agreed, the fact that someone would think she'd not fight tooth and nail to protect what she loved sunk in, a second or two ticking by as the fury started to collect.

Some small fragment of her old self started to surface, instead of pulling her body off the blade, taking one hand and shoving her opponent hard, sword going with her, freeing Peach and giving them a meters grace, space to adjust.

For the first time, Plum felt a little fear because of this woman, watching her straighten up, stop slouching, hold her sword properly, but more than anything, it was her eyes, they looked dark and menacing now, not tired or dismissive like before.

"I need to see that you dont let disaster hit before you do something. The crew need a second in command who cares wether they live or die. I need you to show me you have any real fight in you left, because right now, you look like youve given up." Peach was drunk, her shirt now had some holes in it, a small amount of blood on her person, wounds already healing up, sticthing back together, realising she'd not instilled any faith in anyone here since arriving.

"Fine. Have it your way." That deep seated anger started to rattle around in her, for the first time during this exchange, taking a step forward instead of simply defending. Plum did all she could to stop what happened next. The swing of that chipped old blade was so heavy it broke through her defence, staggering her back quickly, Peach's pace refusing to faulter, closing the gap steadily, as if fully in control, it was daunting, she didnt flinch to block the striked plum threw, eyes set ahead. "This is what you wanted right?" another solid hit had to be dodged, not blocked, there was no way Plum could handle another stagger like that. Their fight was brief. within five hits, the old and in places rusted weapon wrapped itself in such a way around the captains pristeen rapier, a moment where peach flinged the sword across the deck, clattering as she took one strike to threaten.

Plum felt a sting on her cheek, a thin line of red starting to appear, such a controlled strike that it only scratched her, looking up to see the looming threat standing close. "Dont you dare think that I wouldnt act before its too late. Thats...not what happened before."

It was suddenly apparent how this woman gained such a reputation, not once since she'd joined the ship had Plum seen it, never seen her do more than the bare minimum. The sword was sheathed, and Peach turned, grabbing the bottle she'd been forced to leave, leading her way off up the other end of the ship to be alone.

At least the captain knew now just what she was working with, and it frightened her a little.

[n3ssier]

Hey hello! I wish you luck on your journey!!

Can I please get HC for Echo, Kapkan, Jäger and Vigil x Fem!Reader [Indicidually] who recently joined their team and is just super badass? Like they just admire her while she is on a mission and kicks ass?

Feel free to ignore this! But tysm if you choose to write it.

I also reccommend tuening on anonymous asks in settings. That way more people would be comfortable requesting :))

YES OFC TYSM i love this idea sm, i tried my best but lmk if theres any constructive criticism!! ALSO YES TY I TURNED ON ANONYMOUS ASKS NOW

echo

・masaru had heard his fellow operators talking about you in the morning, but just shrugged it off and assumed that you were nothing special

・he first sees you as he got into the coach/bus for you guys and 3 others to be taken on a mission and he’s honestly surprised because you look pretty good for being the newest op in rainbow, but ofc he does wanna say anything about it😭

・once the mission begins, he begins to focus on the task at hand and almost forgets about you, until he turns a corner to see you eliminating two enemies and he cant help but feel surprised.. 

・he stared for a bit.. yep.. definitely just a little tiny bit.. not for long at all..

・after snapping back to his senses when he sees you give him a puzzled look, he probably will give you some cold seeming, but still kind comment, something like “i guess youre not that bad for a rookie” or “uhhhdhjdhgh i wouldve done it better but still, not bad”

・you and masaru stick together for the rest of the mission, not saying much or conversing apart from callouts and intel

・he watches you closely, and tries to focus but he just cantttt

・your teammates are confused why hes being warmer to you than everyone else after the mission

・at the end of the day he waits until everyone is gone before quickly and bluntly asking you on a date

kapkan

・maxim isnt the kinda guy you’d expect to see fanboying over the newest operator, yet here he is :o

・he likes your badass demeanour, its different, it feels refreshing to him and he likes your style with it aswell ngl

・many bad attempts at him stealing glances at you both the full way there and during prep phase

・after setting up his traps and all he tries to find a spot to camp nearby you so that he can see and watch how good you actually are in the face of danger, while also looking out for enemies, of course

・your talent catches maxim off guard.. and he cant help but gawk slightly

・no one can see because of his hood and mask, but his mouth is so slightly ajar watching you in action

・hes not used to having crushes, or even having much interest in others at all! so this is different and he isnt sure how to feel or act towards you

・tries to show off subtly, which only his close comrades pick up on, no doubt he will be teased for that later by glaz and tachanka

・they especially start to pick up on his crush after the mission when maxim hesitantly approaches you and strikes up a conversation, which is fairly unlike him

jager

・marius is intimidated, to say the least

・cant keep his eyes off of you, and when your other teammates call on him you can hear the slight stutter in his voice

・he also keeps trying to find an opportunity to talk to you, he wants to ask about your gadget, as it strikes his curiosity, and just get to know you in general

・after getting a nasty kill he glances over to you to see if you noticed it, only to realise you were currently holding the upper hand in a 1v2

・he’s whipped for you without even realising, which his gsg9 mates pick up on, smirking to each other

・at the end of the final round of you guys’ training session, blitz comes up to you and recommends that you go speak to marius, explaining that hes a bit shy to go talk to you

・you strike a convo with him and boom, once he realises youre not actually that scary on the inside, all he does is talk to you and tell you about all the shows hes watched, what random fact he found out two days ago, what he had for breakfast, everything! and you just have to try your best to keep up

vigil

・chul-kyung takes a liking to you, but no one need to know that in his opinion

・honestly you kinda scare him a bit, but nothing in the world could ever get this information out of him, also he finds you hot tho, definitely

・he studies you very intently, tryna figure out what your whole thing is

・notices that you’re in a 1v3 and dashes to the enemies from behind, only to notice that youd killed them all by the time he had gotten there. this guy was gobsmacked, youd stolen his spotlight as the “cool edgy talented one”😭

・he keeps a close eye on you for the rest of the mission, and was pretty shocked to see you in action, he wasnt sure if he should stay in his position or join in your fight in order to help defend

・and its the same for vigil as it is as echo, where his teammates are very very surprised to see his usual cold persona shift to a softer one for you

・over time you two work together more, and are by far one of the most badass and scary duos at rainbow

・sometimes he just sits back and lets you handle some very intense scenarios, which worries you guys’ teammates, but he knows you can handle it 

·yall are feared

[boness-is-tired]

i cant describe how much my physical issues are taking a tool on my mental health.

for 1/2 years i had some physical issues but they dont really affect my day to day life a lot so i just ignore them. then suddenly they get 100x worse and everything, even the most basic things suddenly seem impossible to do bc i just feel like im dying 24/7.

my period lasted 24 days, i felt weak and like i was going to pass out every moment, i could fall asleep and when i could i would just wake up every 2-4 hours to my entire body itching for no reason, i had cramps, i couldt think or focus on anything and i just felt like i was dying but i still needed to wake up early everyday, go to school in another city and act as if nothing was happening, as if i was completely fine.

i feel useless, i cant do anything, not even the most basic tasks.

and then i my doctor tells me that she is almost 100% sure i have an endocrine chronic disorder and i realize thats probably going to be the rest of my entire life and theres nothing i can do, im just having to deal with all the fucking symptoms there is nothing any one can about it and the worst part is that she is almost sure that its something biological too so there was never anything i or anyone could do.

im sorry of this is all over the place i just feel like my entire body is rebelling against me and im helpless to it.

[party-in-eldarya]

Playing ANE ep 10 p2

Before you start reading: this is not the best ANE episode, by any means. Not my best review either. I think this is where the problems begin for me: the action part is almost non-existen (because what we do here can be almost called “slice of life”), and interactions are superficial, spare and with 2ndary characters. I did not enjoy this episode so far and it shows. 

Off we go to see Purriry. 

 This season we waste so much maana of chaotic Erika’s thoughts, repetitive sentences. Thus we should not waste those dialogues lines on characters that are not the main focus. I know that it would make Eel and Eldarya seem even emptier (is that even a word? looks weird to me), but I am in the middle of season and I haven’t exchange single meanigful conversation with Lance nor Nevra. I barely know those guys. In the middle of season. 

BTW, it is ridiculous: we have spent 3 days on training, and whole week on designing outfits. PRIORITIES!

So what is the thing that Erika is into? I swear to gods, Beemoov made the blandest MC ever. The only thing that turns her on is sacrifying herself. 

Hear, hear! A member of Erika’s family who wasn’t evil and with whom she spent some time! But it’s not like she miss them, no. 

It is not surprising? What is surprising is why you are shocked about it- after almost a year spent on Eldarya you should know this feeling by heart. Unless you didn’t talk about Earth with anyone, then... What happened with faeries who knew Earth? Nevra knew Twilight and Ykhar surely wasn’t the only faery fascinated by our culture... 

I kinda like her spirit. She is confident, excited about her job. Erika tho... we spent lots of maana od Erika panicking over outfits. She cant, she doesnt know if she is able, what ifs, what if nots. Boring! And lame. She has whole week for this task, why such reaction during first 15 minutes? It is def not fun to read those thoughts. I know, I know- she is humble. But... uh, this is not nicely written, and it is not interesting, I feel like I am wasting maana. 

I still think that whole (long) scene in the shop was rather dull. Sure, there was a rather nice moment where Puriry showed how passionate and serious she is about fashion which was a nice contrast to our bland, stiff and  dissociating Erika, who, I will repeat, is only interested in training with sword and dying for Eldarya. But I dislike the part where Puriry was dissing Earth for having outfits that fit all occassions (not true btw, but Erika sucks at explaining things, what’s new). This, dear Beemoov, could be a nice moment for Erika to fire back a fierce answer about pollution, fast fashion and how to be  sustainable. Quite fashionable topic if you ask me, something that Beemoov likes. But no, our MC is staying quiet, afraid to anger the cat, but in her head she repeats how she dislikes being called “a barbarian”. Sweety, you could ask Puriry to stop or you could explain to her that we do not have one outfit that fits all. Insead you chose being dumb. Worm has stronger spine than Erika. Important person my ass.

Morover, I do not think that those CATS are important enough for plot to waste precious maana on them. In TO it had some sense, as we used to pay for movement not dialogues- so having many side characters just made world more vivid. It also worked with longer season. Here, with this ‘new” maana system it is really cruel to force us to waste maana on boring conversation, when I, in the middle of season, still don’t know what kind of person Lance is. Or what was Leiftan’s plan. Or things like that. What Beemoov could have written here is Karuto’s romance, to build up some tension and raise the stakes for final episodes, but Beemoov failed here. 

After day of work I decided to walk for a while- because I LOVE eldarya at night. The arts and sprites deserve better story. 

Erika meets Aldaric, and that conversation is weird which is a given with this character. This time it’s not good type of weird tho. 

He didn’t believe in mermaids and no one told him that at least 3 stayed in Eel for years. Do they even talk in Eel? How do they communicate? Mermaids weren’t rare race, so I am sure that at least is still in Eel... unless the Guard is as deserted as it seems. That would explain why same characters are sent over and over on missions. 

Not to mention that whole conversation served nothing, unlike last one, when Aldaric shared with us his “carpe diem” motto, which was meant to help Erika cope with destruction of Eldarya. 

Same, Erika, different reasons tho. Wth was this conversation for? We already knew that sylph is ditzy.

Anyway. We didn’t learnt anything from this conversation, and it was pointless. It wasn’t even that charming? 

So far I have spent way too much maana on semi-racist conversation with Puriry, pointless chit chat with Adalrik/Aldarik/avatar guy with wings. For my personal bingo I need my familiar. 

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu. What for, beemoov? What is the reason and goal? 6 maana on gems like this one:

But hey, we got those bits of “romance” we were promised: 

Considering that in TO Leiftan openly admitted he hated humans with all his black heart he won’t be thrilled. Unless ofc the writers lost those notes about him.

Erika, from me to you: 

You dumbass. 

Beemoov. I genuinely like that you are trying to mix romance and action bits and I don’t think that romance happening via Erika’s thoughts at this point of story is bad- so far I enjoy it in this episode. Would prefer if it was written during our little walk, so I could marvel at your superior backgrounds instead of reading Alda Adal the blue guy’s nonsense. You know, black background is not inspiring, but that’s fine. Please work harder on “action” parts kk? Puriry and Blue Guy parts could be better. 

We fall asleep wondering on marvelous bond between me and Leiftan (8 maana for my love btw) and we woke up to this abomination: 

It’s 12 maana spent on familiar vs 8 spent on my LI. PRIORITIES. 

And we are gonna measure all our friends, at least that’s what Erika thinks. And let me ask this question: why? I see why Erika was asked to help Puriry with designs, but why it’s her to take part in measuring? This is a bit... too much? Surely someone could be uncomfortable? Not Lance- since he is walking dick-naked around Eel with no worry in his orange head and probably not Nevra. But Mathieu? Leiftan? We do not know if HC would be comfortable to be gropped by her subordinate, surely, SURELY everyone would feel more comfortable to have it done by the usual, PURIRY. Who, btw, is not doing sewing herself- she has Jamon and ... Karuto? I guess? to do that work. I know whole scene is a fanservice, I like fanservie if it makes sense. Like LI and Erika making out while waiting in Puriry shop or something. Let’s see how the scene goes, but next time. This piece is really not good, but so it the episode. My depression hits again, the world is cruel, and it’s me playing this episode rn: 

[pancakeke]

Did you get diagnosed with adhd as an adult? I ask because I'm an adult woman of color that can get up and go to work and can kind of interact with people around me, so I feel like I'll never get it

I got diagnosed when I was 29 but looking back I should have been diagnosed when I was in middle school lol. When I sought out a doctor I was technically functioning at my job and home but I was doing piss poor work and was stressed out beyond my limit 100% of the time.

I have a really hard time talking to doctors because I get anxious and forget what I want to highlight a lot so it may be helpful for you as well to list out your struggles and how they are negatively impacting your life. then you have a point by point list your doctor can use to help with diagnosis

for examples, a bunch of stuff I listed:

Work:

I forget to follow up on problem orders constantly, creating larger problems for myself later

I have to keep ridiculous amounts of notes to keep myself on track, but then the amount of notes becomes overwhelming and they become impossible to use

I question my memory at all times which keeps me in a high level of stress and anxiety

After dealing with some extra temporary responsibilities I hit a wall and have not been able to bounce back and do my normal duties very well anymore. Even my boss has noticed that I have had a hard time keeping up and talked to me about it. Nothing has permanently changed with my work, the problem is something with me.

home/personal life

I volunteer to help people with plans often but very quickly forget my responsibilities and only remember when reminded at the the last minute, putting myself in the position where I have to work until 2 or 3am to prepare for what we're doing

often I feel very creative and have the intention to work on home improvement or personal projects but either cant force myself to initiate a plan or after starting a plan I can't focus enough to get remotely close to completing it

along with the above, when actually starting a project it's generally on impulse and as soon as the impulse dies down I cant force myself to continue no matter how hard I try

I create constant messes and always feel disorganized no matter how hard I try to maintain an acceptable living space

I buy things on impulse for personal projects but then can't bring myself to work on the projects, meaning I often waste money on impulse buys that never go anywhere

I have a difficult time remembering to pay bills

General

forgetfulness causes me to accidentally procrastinate almost constantly, always putting me in a position where I have to rush while fueled by anxiety to get anything accomplished.

I basically rely on anxiety to push me to complete anything. if I'm not afraid of failure or causing problems it's almost like tasks don't exist

there isn't a day where one or more of the above things causes me problems.

kind of overboard but you get the idea. take some time over a week or two and note every time your ADHD symptoms affect your quality of life, and also add to your notes that all these things are negatively impacting you on a daily basis (if its true, which I don't doubt it is). If you share any of these problems with me feel free to tell your doctor you know someone diagnosed with ADHD who had the same problems to emphasize that you don't just have generalized anxiety.

My doctor made a copy of my notes to keep on file which I greatly appreciated. I've had a LOT of problems with doctors in the past not taking me seriously for physical problems I had so I'm like extra aware and suspicious of how doctors behave now.

I was genuinely surprised at how serious my doctor took all my issues. She didn't dismiss anything and agreed this sounded like ADHD. I'm white and can't talk to the issue of being POC and trying to get taken seriously by medical professionals but my generic advice is: don't be afraid to fire a doctor who doesn't seem to listen to you or is dismissive of your struggles. You don't even need to tell them they're fired, you can just cancel your next appt right after you make it and then ghost them. I went through 5 doctors (and hundreds of dollars....) getting a physical problem diagnosed once. I seriously wish I'd jumped ship on two of these guys sooner and stopped wasting my time and money on morons who had no investment in my health.

Also if possible, talk to local people you know or check out support groups (there are a lot of various ones on FB. also there may be forums out there for this kind of thing) for POC who struggle with finding doctors who actually listen to them. There may be recs you can use.

One more little bit of advice, if you're more comfortable with video chat than going to see a doctor in person you can do telehealth visits to speak with psychs about mental health issues and even get a diagnosis. It's what I did at first because it was easier to fit into my schedule. The only caveat is they can't prescribe you any medications for controlled substances (like adderall) without seeing you in person at least once. So if they do diagnose you with ADHD you'll have to go see them in person one time to get a prescription.

I always rant when I get asks for advice aaaa but I hope this helps at least somewhat!! If you have any other questions or want to talk feel free to send another ask or DM me!!

[mintyvoid]

I know i have some wild executive dysfunction shit, but i think my true ultimate evil foe is autistic inertia.

Cause unlike the like typical 'hIGh fUncTIoniNG' peeps, i can organize and plan very well. I have no issues with creating schedules that are do able, and figuring out how to structure tasks or split them etc. Time management and knowing how long something takes is still an issue...but to work on it i have to, ya know, actually DO things.

This is where the inertia comes in. Ive realized I struggle with this A SHIT TON. Especially when I dont want to do something, I have high stubbornness, so its possible i have demand avoidant as well. This really pops up with hygine, it feels like a waste of time to me. I dont hate it or enjoy it, nor does it really cause that much sensory overwhelment, i just dont want to do it lol.

I can sit for over 4 hours in the same spot and struggle to force myself to get up and get food, or water, or use the washroom. I can want to do these things and still not be able to get up.

With projects this super sucks, since my focus is so bad due to my circumstance it makes the inertia worse. I cant use timers or any sort of accountability, it does nothing to force my hand, got no sense of urgency.

For a quick lesson, autistic inertia is used when explaining how the asd brain moves forward, its ability to start,end, and switch tasks(which can be anything). How it reacts to sudden switches, ends, and starts etc. Course this ties into the other aspects of the specturm like executive functions. Id say its a pretty big part, as what the brain does is read and execute tasks, whether that be physically moving or emotional response.

It makes me feel not real or in control of my person. I can spend mintues or days or years, telling myself to do this or that and it never happens. Couple that with subconsious stuff i do like my excoriation and it just makes living that much more frustrating. Sometimes i can do things and sometimes i just cant for no rhyme or reason.

The things in my environment that need to change I cant due to funds. Its important to create an environment in order to actually work on these things, but when not able it not only makes things worse in thr short term but the long term too. Since it seems that those on the spectrum struggle way more to adopt habits or to shift existing ones. It just seems like a losing battle.