#just have her refer to buck as Chris father

[lover-of-mine]

Trying to figure out how to add the fact that the random teacher I'm creating thinks Buck and Eddie are married, has asked Chris about his fathers, and asks Eddie about his partner every parent teacher conference, and was never corrected by any of them without making her say it and staying on Buck's pov. Might have to switch povs earlier than expected over this lol.

[matan4il]

Buddie 610 meta

Holy shit, this ep.

Okay, what shall we start with? Maybe with what 911 itself starts, lots of foreshadowing. At the beach call, we have Eddie looking at Buck and replying to him (about the lightning), “I really hope it doesn’t strike twice, though.” Which, of course we know it will. But the foreshadowing continues, as Buck talks to Omar about unexpected things in life coming out of nowhere. That suggests we need to pay extra attention to other elements in this ep that might act as foreshadowing for later events along 6b. ~~

That kind of connects to me with Buck being closely tied to Ely, the pregnant lady (he saves the day there twice, first by realizing the oil is dripping and if they use the saw, it might prove fatal, then by helping Bobby with the baby). First off, it made me chuckle when we learned that, despite being driven to the hospital by a man, he’s actually not her partner. 911 made sure we knew Ely has a wife, and that she has another kid with her. Is it a coincidence when Buck, who practically has a husband and a kid with him already, is the main firefighter taking care of her? Maybe, but it still amused me. What really made me take note is when he told her not to push, trying to stall her childbirth, and she replied that it doesn’t depend on her. That made me wonder if perhaps this is also in a way foreshadowing what we might end up seeing with the sperm donation storyline. I’m not sure, I can’t be, but I was not surprised to see that storyline brought up later in the ep. ~~

In general, this ep’s title, “In a Flash,” might seem to refer to the lightning storm the team experiences, but the real tempest is the havoc our families can wreak on us, tied to the unexpected nature change can sometimes take on. Chim’s dad suddenly shows up, raining on his parade. Albert suddenly thinks Chim should give their dad a chance to be Jee Yun’s grandpa, but decides against giving his brother a warning. The Buckley parents are suddenly making an effort, yet leaving everyone suspicious and unnerved. Albert suddenly leaks Buck’s sperm donation to everyone and unleashes hell between the in-laws. Denny’s changes, probably influenced by getting in touch with his dad, come as a surprise to Hen. And of course, at the climax of the ep, Bobby as the unofficial adoptive father of Buck might lose his son in a flash. The whole ep is filled with these parallels of abrupt familial disquiet, especially in relation to dads, on all 118 fronts. And as Buck deals with maybe the biggest of these questions, because he doesn’t even yet know what he wants for himself and how does the life he helped create (but only as a donor) fit into that, it’s no wonder his life ends up hanging literally in the balance. ~~

One of the most painful things in this ep for me was seeing how much Buck’s parents are willing to accept him as a donor, because not for a second do they think he can be a father. That would be the natural conclusion from him looking at a sonogram on his phone, but his parents find it easier to believe their daughter is pregnant again than to think Buck would be a dad (ironic, because he already is one. Just not to the baby in the sonogram). It reminded me of how Eddie’s parents also didn’t believe in his ability to be a dad, and actively petitioned to have Chris taken from him to be raised by them in 315. It amazes me every time anew just how much Buddie are compatible, because their stories parallel so much that they can understand each other in ways most other people can’t. ~~

And it gets to me that this whole episode also insists on reminding us how good Buck is with kids, first with the ones on the beach, calming them down and answering their questions to help them make sense of the whole ordeal. Then with Ely’s baby, a callback to how we saw him with the pipe baby in 101. It connects to him looking at the baby sonogram, all excited, once again acting so much like an expectant dad would (parallel to him and the firefighter onesie in 609), when we know he’s not actually going to be that baby’s father. It very much does feel like 911 is signaling to us Buck has some realizations coming his way in this context. ~~

Speaking of the kids on the beach, Buck telling the boy he wants to fix everything, then adding that Buck gets it, had me screaming into my fists, because hey, remember who said that to Buck? That’s right, his Eddie, back in 504. A reminder of how much Eddie sees Buck, accepts him and allows him to be himself, enabling Buck in turn to reflect that back to that kid. Of course, in the context of the sperm donation, Buck’s tendency made him want to help “fix” things for Connor and Kameron, and we might learn in 6b that Buck comes to realize he sometimes lets this tendency take him to places that aren’t actually good for him, without fully considering the consequences, and then hopefully, he’ll get to find a way to balance this, to be himself, but not derailed from his life goals by this part of himself. ~~

At the same time that the ep shows us how good Buck is with kids, it also serves to remind us of the one kid that we’ve seen him co-parent all along, the one who has always demonstrated what a good, loving dad Buck is, Christopher. Yes, when we see Buck working on his cooking with Bobby, it’s a part of the many parallels revolving around dads in this ep, so Buck and Bobby’s r/s is the immediate focus, but at the same time, we know who Buck is learning this FOR. Lazania kitchen scene from 601, anyone? Oh, but the best part? It’s when Buck tells Bobby, “Something’s missing.” He can’t quite put the finger on what, but he knows something in his domesticity isn’t fully there. I wonder what, Buck... And this is again in an ep full of foreshadowing! ~~

It may seem like a minor thing, but remember how in my past meta, I was more or less losing it over the many times Buck and Eddie did rope rescues together as their own team within the 118 team, even having their assigned roles where Eddie connects Buck to the line and then becomes an anchor himself to keep Buck safe, to the point where I wrote a smut fic involving this very meaningful act? Yeah, so imagine me seeing that the most intense Buddie call we’ve had since the end of 413 starts with them doing this subtextually intimate thing, Eddie hooking Buck up to the rope, becoming his literal life line, and even teasingly calling him “cowboy” while at it. No, I was not breathing for a full minute at least. ~~

But since I brought up the shooting in 413, can we talk about the insanity of the parallels? Take the meaningful staring once disaster strikes. Back in s4, it was mutual, right before Eddie collapsed. In 610, Buck is unconscious, so you wouldn’t think they could stare at each other at this moment, right? Plus, back in 413, it was just the two of them present at the scene out of the 118, the other members of the team weren’t there. The lightning strike seems a lot less intimate in comparison... But in this ep, the camera plays a role in recreating that same dynamic, singling out the connection between Buddie. Because when Buck is hit by lightning, we get shots of every 118 member looking up and being terrified of what just happened to their friend.

The only exception in terms of this shot? Eddie. He’s the only one that isn’t being filmed from the side as he looks up, he’s filmed from above as he looks straight into the camera. Essentially, the shot recreates Buck’s POV for Eddie, and for him alone. It shows us what Buck would see and how he would stare down, back at Eddie, if he only could. The fact that the camera has to do this instead of Buck himself further emphasizes the horror of Buck being unconscious, but the choice to do this only with Eddie highlights their connection and makes it clear that Buddie’s bond IS different to what the other team members have with Buck, no matter how close the others are to him or how much they love him. What’s insane is that DESPITE having all of the 118 there, there is still a bubble within this whole situation that is Buddie and Buddie’s alone, even as Buck himself is unconscious. It’s no wonder Eddie jumps up that electrocuted ladder without even thinking about it, it’s no wonder no one even tries to stop him or warn him of the danger in that. That is a man on a mission to save the other half of him, and the show tells us that in more than one way.

That’s gonna continue through Eddie’s attempts (and eventual success) in getting Buck away from immediate danger, as well as when the team tries but then fails to revive Buck, because Eddie will be the one to push past Bobby to see Buck, and Eddie will be the one Bobby has to keep in line by assigning him driving duty, maybe the most important thing anyone can do for Buck once all the medical assistance they can give him in the field is of no further use. ~~

One more thing regarding the comparison with the shooting arc in s4, as well as talking about camera shots, is that we get to see the difference between a platonic friend resuscitating his teammate and a man desperately trying to keep the love of his life alive. If you look at Chim doing compressions on Buck, he’s giving it his all, because he DOES love Buck, Chim’s doing his best for his friend and brother in law. But the shot is not an intimate one, we don’t get close ups, we don’t get to focus on the eyes and see the frantic look of a man who knows he CAN’T fail, we don’t see the intimate touch of a hand laying a gauze on an exposed chest and trying to keep this treasured body together, we do get “come on, Buck,” but we don’t get personal speech, begging the other man to hold on and just “stay with me.” While back in 414, in the ambulance, we had ALL of those as Buck, almost on the verge of losing his sanity, fought for Eddie’s life. ~~

Lastly, I’ve made in the past a gifset of times when we’ve seen Buck screaming Eddie’s name in horror at the face of danger (including in 413), and I love that we can finally add to that Eddie doing the same thing for Buck. But I think it’s particularly meaningful that it happened not as a matter of when Buck would be in danger, but rather it was a question of just how significant Buck had to become to Eddie for this former, highly decorated soldier to go from the stoic man he was in 218 to what we see in 610 (as seen in my latest weekly gifset). Because Eddie WAS incredibly worried back in the s2 finale. He was gritting his teeth, you can see the tension on his face, and the second it was safe, he sprang to Buck’s side. Eddie also held on to him while everyone else was lifting the truck (even though Chim, as a medic, would have been a more natural choice to hold on to Buck, while Eddie the firefighter helps lift engine 118). And Eddie wouldn’t even let go of Buck’s hand on the way to the truck. HE WAS DISTRAUGHT. But the man who kept his facade up in the hospital after Shannon, his wife and mother of his son, died just one ep earlier, did the same thing with Buck. What I find so telling is that he can no longer do that by 610. Buck has become such an integral part of his life, of his family, of who Eddie is as a person and how he deals with life, way more than even Shannon managed to be. And that’s why Eddie loses it, confirming what we’ve known for a while: Buddie are life partners. ~~

I now have direct links to my weekly meta posts, my Buddie gifs and more of my content in my pinned post. Loads of love to @whosoldherout​​ for making unbelievable gifs for my very unique requests. You’re a star! Tag list will follow in the reblog. Thank you in advance for any reblog and like! I’m operating on 1.5 hours of sleep to get this posted ASAP, so I really appreciate any and all encouragement to keep doing this. xoxox

[canonicallyobserving911]

Buddie: Has Eddie realized the Buck and Kim parallels yet?

Buck and Kim (Shannon's doppelgänger) are MIRROR IMAGES of each other! Also, Buck's right in front of Eddie and Kim was positioned to be the mirror so he could see who he's been wanting since he moved to Los Angeles and the person he wants is Buck.

There were a lot of references to season 2 in 7x9 and I might expound on all of them at some point but this post is solely about the similarities between Buck and Kim and the familiarity Eddie sees when he looks at her since he's already found everything he wants and needs in Buck but won't allow himself to have.

Full disclosure: Before I delve into this, I must admit how much I hate this "Vertigo" BS storyline they gave Eddie and I've posted about it many times because IMO he deserves better than an emotional cheating arc. But since TM (showrunner) is hellbent on incorporating DK into these episodes, it doesn't appear there's anything that can be done except fast forward through them like I did early this morning when I finally watched the episode. One more thing, I HATED the way they let Chris see Eddie with Kim. He's traumatized enough and I don't know if it was done for shock value or WTF but that was low for 9-1-1 standards and it shouldn't have been included.

Now back to the regularly scheduled program...

In 7x9, the scene with Buck and Kim at the firehouse allowed Buck to come face to face with a doppelgänger version of the person (Shannon) who still haunts both Eddie's and Chris' lives. Also, she represents the person Buck believes will always stand in the way of him stepping all the way in with Eddie so he can become his husband and a second father to Chris.

Now, I'll be honest, I watched the scene with Buck and Kim three times for several reasons but mainly because I noticed the show was trying to illustrate more than just Eddie's cheating. The truth is Buck's and Kim's scene should have DEMONSTRATED TO VIEWERS how Kim is a direct reflection and a representation of everything Eddie's already found and built with Buck, i.e., future spouse, lover, coparent for Chris and the family he chose. Basically, Buck's his everything but Eddie won't allow himself to feel it (believe he can have him).

When Buck came face to face with Kim, he stopped in his tracks and his breath caught in his throat because he thought he was looking at a ghost. Kim reminds him of the woman he believes Eddie will NEVER let go of/get over so they can be together and I can prove it with the images of them facing each other.

Ever since the BTS pics were released of Kim/Shannon, I wondered why her hair was blonde instead of brown. I figured it might be related to something but at the time I didn't know what. Now, IIRC, in the early part of season 1, Buck's hair was reddish blonde but for some reason, he dyed it and it's more of a dirty blonde now. Some people debate over the color of Buck's hair; however I'm not doing that here since it's not the point of this post. Furthermore, several Buddie shippers have commented on the gray/white streak in Kim's hair and they did the research that it's a birthmark. There have been several posts on it and the authors of them have commented that it's on the wrong side for her head for it to mimic Buck but I beg to differ.

When they faced each other (reminder Buck was never shown talking to Shannon in season 2; he saw her but they never interacted in CANON) their birthmarks were aligned. His is on the left side of his head and hers is on the right side but when they're facing, they line up. Additionally, Buck's lips are pink and IIRC, Shannon never wore bright red lipstick but Kim did. Buck and Kim (Shannon) all have blue eyes and everyone who watches the show should know Eddie loves looking at Buck the same way he said he liked looking at Kim. If these aren't parallels that show Eddie has found everything he wants and needs in Buck, then the writers should be replaced because they wrote it like this.

Why are these things important?

They're important because for the entirety of season 7, the show has gone above and beyond to show viewers how Buck, Eddie and Chris are ALREADY a family. Additionally, their screentime also illustrates how Buck is already one of Chris' three parents and it began in 7x1.

The three pictures above show Buck, Eddie and Shannon sitting on the same spot of Chris' bed. Please note: this is not an illusion for Buddie Shippers, it's all right above in the photos and the show orchestrated this the same way they did Buck's and Kim's similarities.

Did the show do a good job of illustrating how Eddie wants to be with Buck instead of Kim? It's debatable especially for those who are CHOOSING not to see it but the intentions were crystal clear. Buck being face to face with Kim was INTENTIONAL and the show didn't do anything to deter the parallels and similarities between them, as a matter of fact, they highlighted them.

While Eddie and Kim were in the boat, he said, "Maybe I just like looking at you" but who has EDDIE ALWAYS GIVEN "HEART EYES" TO? BUCK!

Other than the pictures of Eddie and Shannon that Eddie keeps gazing at with longing, he rarely looked at Shannon with heart eyes.

The additional pictures below show how Buck and Kim mirror each other. When they're facing their birthmarks are on the same side. Also, Kim's even wearing a striped shirt which is reminiscent of the striped shirt Buck wore during the shooting but the differences are his stripes were vertical while hers were horizontal and her stripes are bolder/thicker. (Please note, she was wearing like three shirts/tops so it must have been intentional and her shirts were navy-blue and blue which is the same color as the Buckley-Diaz family color.)

Eddie loves everything about Buck and he loves him so much that he put him in his will and named him to be Chris' legal guardian. He gave Buck his heart years ago because he believes Buck wont break it like Shannon did. In 3x8, he told Bobby, Shannon broke Chris' heart (Eddie's heart) when she left but just like always, Eddie's choosing to see the good while ignoring all the bad stuff that was included in their relationship. She literally asked him for a divorce but after all these years, he's still searching for the perfect "woman" to fill Shannon's shoes when he already has everything he's searching for in Buck.

Some viewers think Eddie doesn't know he's in love with Buck but I beg to differ. I believe he does know but due to his religious beliefs, he won't allow himself to want him. Also, Buck believes Shannon will always be the person who blocks/prevents or stops him from being with Eddie since after all these years, Eddie hasn't moved on from her. However, Buck knows the truth about Eddie's relationship with Shannon because Eddie told him about it in 2x10 and it's evident Buck knows she abandoned them by the way he apologized to Eddie in 3x9 for abandoning him and Chris during the lawsuit.

The point of this post is to illustrate the way 9-1-1 allowed Buck to come face to face with Kim in an episode that's all about ashes. Also, the haunted look on his face (Shannon reappeared in Eddie's and Chris' lives in 2x7 Haunted) showed how Buck's not sure if he'll ever be able to be who Eddie wants since Eddie hasn't moved on from the woman he dated when he was 18 years old.

One good thing that happened in the $hitshow that's this raggedy ass storyline is, Kim/Shannon told Eddie he needs to "Let her go" and hopefully, he FINALLY WILL!

Before I end this post, I have to include my continued belief in my Buddie Crack Theory because there were even more things in 7x9 that furthered my belief in Buck still being in his coma dream. I haven't decided if I'll post the details yet because there are a lot of them and I don't want to do a long post, so I'll have to determine how I want to proceed with it.

[deadnatura11]

No but if Buck takes on a more 'parental' role with Chris heading into s8 while Eddie works on himself won't that be even more of a mirror to how Shannon and Eddie were after Chris was born?

Think of the flashbacks to Shannon and Eddie with Baby Chris:

- Eddie saying how Chris "is the priority you should stay here with him" followed by Shannon "so should you"

- Chris crying in the baby monitor, Shannon telling him "Christopher needs you. Go get your son."

- Eddie saying "you're not the only one who feels alone."

While I think Chris will ultimately forgive Eddie, and Eddie will work on himself moving forward, I don't see Eddie forgiving himself that easily and letting Buck take on more of the caretaker role while Eddie works on himself. And, feeling guilty for putting that on Buck, for not being fully present for Chris, Eddie isolates himself further (as we know Ryan told us PLUS mirrors how Eddie said he feels alone, too, after the period of Chris's birth).

I think this will cause some contention in Buck and Eddie’s dynamic. This might be what Oliver referred to as Buck having to "chase" after his next relationship, trying to pin Eddie down to spend time with him rather than avoid him.

And Eddie's resolution of his guilt with Shannon, for not making time for her, being the partner that she needed, can be healed through him taking this second chance to be the partner (to Buck) and father (to Chris) we all know he can be once he gets out of his own way so, like with what happened to Shannon, he doesn't have another good thing slip out of his reach.

Probably after Buck confronts him, of course, and has a conversation with him.

That's just my two cents heading into the finale.

[mazzystar24]

I've been thinkin bout that bt scene. Obviously I might be totally wrong but idk, I feel like T kinda muttered "god I hope so" into his wine glass & not directly at Buck & he was being maybe kinda insecure, like in his head maybe since we assume he's older & more experienced he might think that's why Buck is sticking around?

Like idk, it's a call back somehow to the first date and the closet comment? Like T wants this to work out because he thinks Buck is adorable but you know they aren't really clicking so ya know whatever works? (But eventually it will fully break down)

And the way Buck said "but you think I do?" about the daddy issues is like Buck goin "....wait what?" in his head because his head does tilt a bit to the side like 🤔🤔🤔 And it's showing that they don't fit.

That it was intentionally weird & off putting.

Tho I do think the bit where T says "but your father is alive" wasn't meant to be snarky. Buck then says "Exactly" which I took as Buck being all "exactly, my dad's just THAT shitty and he's not going to change."

Off course then the speech Buck gave Chris is a bit eh, but like two things can be true at the same time. XD

Also I'm def not a bt shipper, Buddie all the way but yeah that's just how it came off to me. Lol.

I hope this makes sense.

I have been swamped with exams and neglected my inbox so 💐💐💐💐💐

Eh I feel like it was definitely more flirty than insecure like I’m tempted to add the gifsets for reference but I don’t want it to show up in the gif makers’ notifications but yeah like as he’s saying it it’s 100% like suggestive vibes rather than self deprecating making a joke about an actual insecurity vibe

Like I think for me this is definitely a horses not zebras moment

I do keep think that maybe the like off putting moments are intentional because so many weird choices have been made with BT

For the your dad is alive I think I wasn’t super clear on my opinion on it but like I don’t mean he said it to be snarky per say more so that the implications behind that line are things like “you’d feel differently if he wasn’t” or “you can fix things before he does” or as if that’s something to be thankful for or recognise when talking about his pseudo father nearly dying

Like the reason I hate this line isn’t that it necessarily has to be cruel intentions on Tommys part but rather that this sorta narrative gets forced down traumatised peoples throats CONSTANTLY (sometimes with good intentions) and it’s such a bullshit rhetoric and it’s even more bullshit to use that line while talking about this found family/pseudo father he has nearly dying

Also yeah that’s definitely what that “exactly” was meant to be like yup a dead dad would at least be less traumatising, a lot easier to explain, and probably easier on my therapist than this clusterfuck but alas

BUCKS SPEECH TO CHRIS- okay lots of thoughts on this because my mom got confused and picked thought daughter:

Do I love that the writers low-key made it sound like he’s comparing Eddie to the Buckley parents? no I hate it but KR was writing for this ep so what did we expect

Do I think a marginally better way to interpret it is that it was more so continuing that theme of paralleling buck and Chris’ issues? Yes

Are the basic and I mean like the very abstract very simple and nothing further parallels there? Yeah like parent not over their grief causes conflict between parent and child

Other than that no not at all Eddie never involved Chris in this, Kim came over with her Shannon cosplay without telling him, Eddie also never intentionally emotionally harmed Chris while the Buckley parents spent bucks entire life intentionally being the absolute worst™️ and emotionally neglectful and were shit parents to Maddie too by forcing her to pretend her brother didn’t exist while she was a child and mourning said brother

But I also think it’s actually very in character for buck to continue to sympathise with them and cut them an impossible amount of slack by trying to draw parallels to this situation like it’s less trying to paint Eddie more like them and more so using Eddie (someone he cares about and loves and sympathises with deeply) as a frame of reference to mentally try to humanise and sympathise with his own parents - idk if I’m making sense but in my head it makes sense

Like it’s actually a pretty common thing you see with traumatised people they’ll sorta draw parallels that aren’t there between themselves or the people they care about and the people who traumatised them because a lot of traumatised people will just constantly seek to understand that perspective more and sympathise with it like hell I’ve seen it with the people in my life doing it and it’s like woah those situations are very different I need you to recognise that

Loved hearing your view of it and it totally made sense!!!

Gonna see if there are any quick asks I can answer before I get back to my revision cos I definitely yapped more than I expected for this

[stagefoureddiediaz]

Oh I’ve just had a thought about the couch metaphor!!!

So we know that the couch is tied to romantic relationships for Buck, but that it also seems to be tied to familial ones as well. 

Chris being the one to bring up bucks lack of couch, Bucks parents being the ones to buy him his replacement (uncomfortable) couch, Buck falling asleep on the Diaz couch, both Diaz’s falling asleep on the Diaz couch (separately), Eddie not sitting on the couch when he is alone but is talking to Buck etc

We also know that Bucks current couch is the wrong couch - in terms of his romantic relationships. But it is also the wrong couch in terms of familial relationships as well - his parents choosing it for him, not Buck so its representative of Buck not getting to choose the family he was born with - which is why he can’t get comfortable on it before he goes over to Eddies and falls asleep. This is nothing we haven’t already discussed.

But the thing thats occurred to me is; as it seems likely that Kameron’s waters breaking on the couch may play some part in destroying it, that would also be the perfect metaphor for Kameron and Connors family not being the right family for Buck either - the life he helped create not being his family and re-enforcing the idea that DNA doesn’t make a family (double whammy of the Buckley parents and C&K’s Baby not being his family despite sharing DNA) because your family will meet you where you’re at (which also applies to Bucks romantic life but we’re not there yet with him) and that made me think about the fact that bothDiaz’s may comment on Buck not having a couch and that being weird, but they don’t pressure him in to actually replacing it- they just go along with where he’s at. Maddie is the other person - she sits with him on his armchair - symbolic of her meeting him where he’s at as well - she has accepted his reasoning for taking his time choosing a couch because he wan’t to pick the right one.

There is one other aspect in all this - the fact we haven’t seen Buck on the Diaz couch (until 6x12) since the will reveal - we saw him on it a lot in season 4 - playing games with Chris and then sleeping on it when Eddie was in hospital and then anything Diaz house related with buck took place in the dining room, Eddie’s bedroom or half in the kitchen in season 5 (Andrew Meyers I’d like to have a word please because he wrote Chris and Buck on the couch in s4 + suspicion which set up Buck on the couch in 4x14 and then he wrote 6x01 and 6x12 so its likely he is responsible for the whole couch metaphor) and then the first time we see him on that couch again, its in combination with a scene where they actually talk about the shooting - all very telling about whats actually been going on in Bucks head since Eddie ‘Because Evan’d’ Buck - figuring out exactly where he fits in the Diaz family! 

And actually Bucks coma dream and his feeling different in the aftermath all plays into this too - his feeling guilty about Christopher (who he doesn’t refer to by name) and Eddies physical absence - which its implied the Buck has figured out all play into the idea of Buck mentally battling with them being family - the sorry your not real implies that Buck doesn’t believe he’s a father to Chris at this point, but that things start to become clearer in the aftermath - as his math powers fade

So however we see Bucks couch meet its end in 6x18, if we do get to see him end up on the Diaz couch - choose his family - in the end then all those familial metaphors come full circle an that has really been Bucks arc for the season (actually his low key arc since 4x14!)- family and familial love - the thing he needs to feel secure in before he can focus on romantic love.

[queerfables]

911 season 6 liveblog part 2

6x10

Oh Buck just promised those kids their dad was gonna be ok. He's doomed, isn't he?

God I really hope he's not doomed

I think he's OK

Holy fuck Chimney's dad is coming to stay??

Actually I strongly disagree with putting pressure on someone to make up with their parents for the sake of a grandkid/grandparent relationship. If your parents aren't in your life there's probably a reason for it and there's a decent chance that reason is also a reason you might not want them involved with your kids either.

Omg is May going undercover at this facility? I love this.

Fuck, the gasp of relief I just did when the baby started crying

That was an epic rescue

Awww Buck's parents reacted well to his decision to become a sperm donor I'm happy for him

Lol at this ridiculous extended family drama though

TINY CHILD

Sorry but as much as I empathise it is super fucked up for this adult man to be hanging out with a kid while actively helping the kid hide it from his parents. I don't blame Dee (formerly Denny) for wanting to reach out to his biological father but that guy should have insisted on telling Dee's mothers what was going on

Hen's perspective on Chimney's dad is one I relate to better

Aaaaah Buck just got hit by lightning omg??

Everyone's faces they're so worried

And Eddie immediately calling his name and going after him

Bobby calling him kid T_T

CLIFFHANGER are you kidding me

I was gonna go to bed

You fuckers

6x11

Aw this is a nice conversation between Maddie and her mum

Oh no the knock on the door

"Which one" OUCH

"We'll do our best" "Do more!" T_T Eddie

Everyone hugging each other

Oh this is a fun concept for an episode

"Maybe next time you go up a ladder you should have someone there to spot you" and Buck getting flashes of Eddie's face and saying "I did"

Buck would have been a good teacher, he's so good with kids

Oh shit this is a great way to bring back Doug's terrifying spectre for an episode

It's interesting to me that Buck subconsciously thinks that in this other life Maddie would have still gotten with Doug and then never left him

Ugh ugh I'm having a lot of feelings about this

I also love that Buck is like "Wow this sucks. Wait maybe I'm in a coma dream??"

Alternate Chimney and Hen are so much fun. "You see? The crazy just sucks you in!!"

Lol at them referring to Eddie as "angry guy"

Chris insisting on seeing Buck T_____T

Oh jeeze Eddie's crying

Alternate Bobby is deeply unhinged, I love him

Ohhhhh mean Daniel turning into mean self loathing Buck what a GREAT transition

I take back everything I said this is a killer Buck episode and an amazing step for his character arc

[biboybuckley]

crashing, i’m crashing right into you

Evan “Buck” Buckley/Eddie Diaz | 6.7k | teen and up audiences | read on ao3 | sequel

Buck gets an unfortunate call while driving and spirals before getting hit by a drunk driver. Surprise, coma!buck is real and can hear the things people (Eddie and Maddie) say while he's unconscious. Follows the struggles Buck deals with while trying to come back and the ones he has to face if he does.

6.07 spec, so the sperm donor issue is a Thing.

(inspired by this post)

-

Buck planned on telling Eddie. Really, he did.  He was sitting in front of Conner and Kameron and hoping his smile looked real and thinking what am I gonna tell Eddie? And then he was at the station a few days later and Hen was watching him and Eddie was venting about Chris and it became more about how can he possibly tell this to Eddie?

How can Buck tell Eddie- Eddie, who still has guilt over leaving Chris when he was born- Eddie, who is the best father Buck thinks he’s ever met- Eddie, who will see right through Buck the moment he opens his mouth- how can he tell him what he’s agreed to? That he’s going to be a father who walks away. That he knows it’s going to kill him, but he’s doing it anyway because he can’t say no. That once again, he’s whittling his worth down to a mere collection of parts. 

He can’t, is the conclusion he comes to. He can’t tell Eddie. Not yet, at least. Once… once the deed is done, then he’ll come clean. He’ll tell Eddie everything and he’ll close himself off to the pain because what’s done will be done and neither of them can change it. He’ll tell Eddie once it’s too late to back out, because Eddie is the one person that could give him that choice. 

So Buck keeps it to himself. He pulls Hen aside during their shift and begs her not to say anything to anyone and she looks at him with those devastatingly caring eyes and touches his arm gently and asks, “Are you sure?” And Buck swallows his tears, puts on a smile, and nods. And Hen lets him go. He goes straight to the bathroom and throws up. 

It’s an excruciating two weeks until his doctor’s appointment. He barely speaks to the team. Hen’s giving him space, the only one who knows what he’s dealing with. Chim has seemingly picked up on her behavior and hasn’t pressed Buck. Bobby called him into his office a couple times, asking if he’s alright. 

Buck’s been smiling and saying, “Fine, Cap. Just something I’m trying to figure out.” And Bobby’s been giving him a look like he knows something, smiling a little, and telling Buck he’s proud of him. Which… okay, it’s nice to hear, but Buck’s got no idea what he’s referring to. He even asked Hen if she told Bobby anything and she swore she hadn’t. Buck shrugged it off.

The main issue has been Eddie. Once everything blew over with Chris, it became increasingly hard to keep this from Eddie. Eddie… he sees Buck, sees right through him. No- not through him. Buck’s parent’s saw through him, like he was nothing but a ghost, haunting them. Which, in a way, he supposes he was. No, Eddie looks into Buck. Like he’s peeling back the layers to peer right into Buck’s very core, taking his defenses apart piece by piece and leaving him bare, everything laid out for Eddie to pick through and place back together. 

Hiding something from Eddie is awful. Because it means Buck can hardly even talk to him. It takes one look and Buck wants desperately to spill his guts, to confess his all sins and have them cleansed away with soft words and gentle touches. He’s been avoiding Eddie, for the most part. He knows it’s hurting Eddie. It’s hurting him. It’s an actual, physical pain. An aching, sharp and hollow in his chest. A burning, gathering in his throat and spreading through his veins. 

Eddie’s tried talking to him. He’s begged Buck to tell him was wrong, bribed him with dinners with Chris and activities- family activities. Usually, Buck’s defenseless against those. But… now they make a wave of nausea crest in his gut and tears burn behind his eyes. It’s something he’ll never have, not really. He can play pretend with his Diaz boys all he wants, but when it comes down to it- when it comes down to it, he’s not one of them. Not in the way he wants to be. 

And he wants, he wants so bad. He wants to come home every night to them, to wake up with them every morning. He wants to kiss away Eddie’s pout everytime something goes wrong between them, he wants to promise Chris that no matter how mad Eddie might seem, it’s only because he loves him and he’ll calm down. He wants to be there so Eddie doesn’t always have to be the bad cop, he wants to be there whenever Chris has something he feels he can’t tell his dad. He wants to cook them family dinners each night and shop for their groceries and kiss them both goodnight and take care of them when they’re sick. Buck wants. He wants it all, so badly it threatens to crush him sometimes when he remembers he’ll never get it. 

But he doesn’t want anyone else, either. 

He’s come to that conclusion after many, many hours of thinking about what in his life will actually make him happy. Girlfriends never have. His job does, but it’s not enough. His family does, but not in the way he needs. The closest he’s ever gotten is the few shining moments he’s had with his Diaz boys when it seems like maybe, just maybe, he could belong to them. He doesn’t want anyone else. 

He realized that after a conversation with Hen about being Conner and Kameron’s donor. 

“Are you really sure this is what you want, Buck?” she’d asked again. She’d asked countless times over the past couple weeks, and Buck had always nonend. This time, though, she’d pressed. “Why? I know you love to help people but- there’s got to be more to this, Buck.”

And he’d been a little tipsy, so he’d sighed heavily and said, “I’ve always- I’ve always wanted a kid of my own. Like, one I made, y’know? And… I know they won’t really be mine, but… it’s looking like the only chance I’ll get.” 

“Buck,” she’d murmured, “There’s someone out there, someone for you.” Yeah, Buck thought, he’s about a ten minute drive away. “You’ll find them eventually.”

“No,” Buck breathed, shaking his head. Because he’s already found them. And he can never have them. “No, I don’t- this is my chance.” Something in his voice must have indicated he didn’t want to talk about it, because Hen dropped it. 

Buck wants Eddie. He doesn’t want the next best thing, and it wouldn’t be fair to whoever that is. He’s going to die exactly how he’s living, half in Eddie’s world and half on his own. One foot inside the house, one foot inside the fire station. He’s trying to accept it. 

Two and a half weeks after he sat in front of his friend and promised him his child, Buck’s heart feels about ready to beat out of his chest as he walks towards the doctor’s office. Vaguely, he wonders if he’s having a panic attack. He shakes his head at himself. No, no, he’s fine. He’s fine. He’s gonna go in there, get this done, and then walk away. Just like he agreed. He’s also definitely, definitely not going to think about Eddie. 

It’s hard not to, though, because he convinced himself to say yes to Eddie’s invitation to dinner and movie night at the Diaz house tomorrow night. He’s going to tell Eddie. Tomorrow, he’s going to tell Eddie. Once the sample has been processed, once there’s no backing out. Yeah. 

He takes a deep breath and opens the door to the doctor’s office. It’s going to be fine. 

-

Buck spends the next twenty-four hours in a numb, detached state. He barely sleeps. He goes through the motions of his life. He deep cleans his entire loft because he has the day off but he has to do something. He reads a third of the newest self-help books he’s found, but sitting still allows the nauseous feeling in his gut to build and threaten to overwhelm him. He goes to the gym and pushes himself to almost dangerous levels, until two of the other patrons have to run over and lift off the barbell that’s attempting to crush his throat. He takes that as a sign to go home. He remakes his bed three times until you could bounce a coin off it, reorganizes his book shelf, even cleans his toilet. 

Finally, mercifully, the clock hits 5:45 and it’s time to head over to Eddie’s. Climbing in the jeep, his stomach rumbles and he absently realizes he hasn’t eaten since lunch yesterday. Hopefully Eddie’s made something good. His cooking has improved a lot lately, but he’ll still occasionally produce something that Chris often likens to an “old shoe.”

He only makes it a few blocks before he gets the call. His phone starts ringing and Buck taps the car display, answering without looking at the caller ID. An unfamiliar voice crackles through the jeep’s audio system. 

“Is this Mr. Evan Buckley?”

“Uh, yeah, yeah that’s me. Buck is fine.”

“Hello Mr. Buckley, this is Dr. Alice Offley.”

“Oh! Doctor, of course, hello. Is everything alright?”

“I-” she hesitates and Buck’s heart begins to sink. “There’s no easy way to say this, Mr. Buckley, but I have some concerns regarding your medical history that I’d like to discuss with you.”

“Y-yeah,” Buck whispers. “Yeah, of course.” 

“It says here you’ve suffered both a pulmonary embolism as well as blood clots as recently as 2019?”

“Yes, yeah, but that was- that was a firefighting incident, I’m fine now.”

The doctor only hums thoughtfully. Then, “And there’s a history of cancer in your family?” Buck’s blood runs cold, his heart settling in the pit of his stomach. 

“Y-yeah,” he chokes out. “Is that- does that mean I can’t-”

“It means I’ll have to let your recipients know. There are some very serious risks involved that they need to be made aware of.”

“Y-you mean th-the kid could-”

“The child conceived from your DNA could be genetically predisposed to be at risk for cancer, specifically pediatric leukemia.” 

The world goes mute. White noise rings in Buck’s ears. The road in front of him blurs. He must hang up, because the screen goes dark. Tears burn his eyes. His chest feels like it’s caving in on itself, compressing his heart tighter and tighter until it’s about to burst. He can’t breathe, he can’t see, he can’t hear. Everything has gone muted and numb and this can’t be real. It feels like- it feels like he’s being crushed by the firetruck again, but this time there’s no one here to hold his hand. 

And then the impact slams him sideways and his head hits the steering wheel and it feels like nothing at all. 

-

Gaining consciousness is a struggle. The darkness calls to him, soothing and alluring and gentle. The blaring horn is the only thing he can latch onto to drag himself out of it. The sound is deafening and nonstop. It’s- it’s coming from his car, he realizes. He can’t see anything, even as he fights to open his eyes. The world swims in and out of view and it’s dark, it’s all dark. Every part of his body hurts. As much as he struggles, he can’t move and he can’t remember what happened. 

“H-he-hey S-Siri,” he croaks out. The small chime sounds and relief blooms in his chest. “Call 911.”

The line only rings twice before a male voice answers, “911, what’s your emergency?”

“M-Maddie Buckley,” he gasps. 

“I’m sorry sir, what was that?”

“Operator Maddie Buckley,” he begs, his voice breaking into a sob. “Please, please. Maddie.” The line clicks and then,

“Hello?” Buck whimpers out a sob of relief. “This is Maddie, who is this?”

“Mads,” Buck chokes. “Maddie.”

“Buck?” Panic creeps into her voice. “Evan is that you?”

“Accident,” his words are growing slurred and he realizes he doesn’t have long. “I need- I need you t-to call-” He coughs, gasping in breaths as the pain begins to overwhelm him. His vision swims and his breathing is ragged, raspy, pained. “Call Eddie.”

“Evan, where are you?” Maddie pleads, nearly hysteric. 

“Please,” he cries. “Please, promise me. Promise me you’ll tell him-”

“Evan, stop.”

“Maddie, listen,” he gasps. “You have to promise me, promise you’ll tell him I’m sorry.”

“No.” Buck can hear the tears in her voice. “No, no. No. You- you can tell him yourself. No.” 

“Maddie, I love you. But I need you to promise me you’ll tell him, and tell Chris. Tell them- tell them I loved them a-and I’m sorry, god, I’m so sorry.” His words are slow now, and he can only hope they’re clear enough for her to hear him. She knows, though. He knows she knows. She’ll tell them. But still, he whispers, “Promise me.”

“I promise,” Maddie sobs. “But Evan, I need you to stay with me. Please, please don’t leave me. Stay awake, come on baby brother.”

“I love you. ‘M s’rry,” Buck slurs, and then he lets go and the darkness swallows him. He doesn’t even hear the last thing he whispers, “I think I’d have been a good dad.”

-

There’s a hand in his. Rough and warm, calluses brushing against his skin, holding onto him tightly. This is the first thing he’s aware of. The next is the beeping. Monotonous and steady, repetitive. It’s a familiar sound, but he can’t place it. Third is the smell. Again, he can’t place it. But it’s earthy and sweet and just… the only word that comes to him is home. 

He’s floating, not really anywhere at all. He’s not in the blackness anymore. Now it’s more gray. He can’t feel anything except the hand holding his. Then the hand shifts, pulling his up, and soft lips brush against his knuckles. The lips slide over his fingers and then a cheek, damp with tears, is resting against their joined hands. 

He hears a sniffle, small and heartbroken. He wants to reach out, to wipe away the tears, to kiss away the crying. Then the person clears their throat. When they talk, the voice comes out gravelly and rough. 

“I need you to wake up, Buck.” It’s more a plea than a command, heavy with grief. “Please. Please, I- I don’t- I can’t do this without you, man. Any of it. Please wake up. Please.” And Buck wants to. He wants to come back to this person whose name flits from his grasp but he knows he loves more than anything in this world. He wants to do whatever it takes to take the pain out of their voice. 

There’s a shaky, tearful sigh, and then there’s a hand on his forehead, adjusting his curls gently, fingertips brushing his skin. “It wasn’t your fault. Maddie- Maddie said that you kept saying sorry. That she was begging you to tell her where you were, but you just… kept saying sorry. Sorry to me. Me and Chris. Like- like you thought we’d blame you. She said you used every breath you had trying to reach us.” The tears are coming now, dripping onto Buck’s skin and rolling toward his wrist. 

The person takes a deep, broken up breath. “She said it was almost too late when they got to you. You almost- you almost didn’t- you almost didn’t make it, Evan.” The words are hitching, threaded with stifled sobs. “You still might not, and I don’t know what the hell happens if you don’t. I can’t- I can’t tell him, Buck. I can’t tell him he’s never going to see you again.”

Buck strains, aching to scream I’m here! He’s going to see me! The effort makes the grayness spin and darken, everything growing farther away. He can’t feel the hand as solidly now, the beeping is dulled. He still fights because he doesn’t want to leave, not right now. He wants to hear what else this person’s going to say to him. 

But he loses his battle, slipping back into the blackness. He doesn’t hear Eddie say, “How can I tell him he’s never going to see his father again?”

-

It feels more solid the next time Buck reaches the surface. He feels steadier, a little less like he’s floating. There’s a hand in his again. There’s the same beeping. The same scent hovering around him. But now he can feel the soft sheets beneath his other hand, the pillow supporting his head. He’s closer. 

The voice comes again, and he can taste the name on his tongue. “It’s been a week. They- they don’t know if you’re going to wake up. They say the longer it takes, the less likely it is. I don’t- I don’t want to believe them, Buck. Th-they don’t know you. They don’t know that you are a fighter and that there’s no way in hell you’re going to leave your family, not like this. You- you’re not- you’re not gonna leave me, Buck. You’re not. You didn’t- you didn’t drag me out of that street two years ago just to- to die on me before I get the chance to tell you…” 

Tell me what?! Buck wants to scream, but his body won’t obey him. 

“No,” the voice says, as if they heard Buck. “No, I’ll tell you when you wake up. I’m not… I’m not saying this until you can say it back.” There’s a shifting nearby and then the hand squeezes his own and those same soft lips brush Buck’s forehead, pressing the softest of kisses into his skin. “Please come back so I can tell you. Please.”

There’s silence for a few moments as Buck struggles to no avail. Then, “Chris misses you.” A face flashes in Buck’s mind. Curly hair, like his. Blue eyes, just a few shades off from his own. Glasses. Big, goofy grin. For a beat, he thinks he’s seeing the child he could have had. Then- no, the name sinks in and no, this isn’t his kid. It’s just the one he wishes was his. “He’s been asking about you, if he can see you. I- I keep telling him no. You- you wouldn’t want him to see you like this, when you can’t respond. I know that. But.. it’s hard Buck,” he admits, his voice breaking, “it’s so hard. I don’t want the next time he sees you to be… to be at a funeral. I really, really need you to come back.”

It’s more painful than the crash itself when Buck realizes he can’t do what the voice is asking. 

-

The third time he becomes aware of his surroundings, the hand in his is different. It’s smaller, more delicate. Softer, lacking the callouses. The voice is sweeter and less rough, sadder, when the person speaks. 

“Hi Evan. I, um,” there’s a small laugh, “I’m never really sure if you can hear me. Eddie changes his mind every time he tries to talk to you. But- I just- I wanted you to know. I’ll tell you again, when you wake up.” A pause. “If you wake up, I guess. But it- it might bring you some peace, I think. I told them, Evan. Just like- like you asked me to. I told Eddie first and he said I could talk to Chris. I rephrased a bit cause you weren’t- you weren’t all that lucid, y’know? But I- I knew what you wanted and I did it, I think. I hope. They knew already, of course they did. But he still… Eddie wanted- wanted to hear the call, Evan. I know- I know you wouldn’t have wanted him to hear you like that but… He’s grieving. I couldn’t say no, couldn’t keep that from him.”

There’s a small, short, teary laugh and then a chin is propped on their joined hands. Similar to the first time he came to, a hand brushes over his forehead. The fingers are softer and nails lightly scratch over his skin. “I hope you’re not mad when you wake up. It’s gonna be a when, yeah Evan? They- they tell me I should get used to saying if. I don’t want to. I want to believe you’re fighting, that you’re gonna come back to me. To them.” A heavy sigh. “I love you, baby brother.”

-

The first voice is back, gruff and warm and spreading through Buck like the glow of sunlight.The first thing he hears is, “I listened to the call. I- I made Maddie let me, so if you’re gonna be pissed at someone when you wake up, be pissed at me. I just… I had to hear it.” A sad, bitter laugh. The voice turns wet with tears, thick with emotion. Something in Buck’s soul aches. “Y-you were- you were choking on your own blood, Buck. I could hear it, over the phone. And still apologizing. Begging to be forgiven. While you were drowning in your own blood, bleeding out in your car on your own. Begging- begging for me. And shit, I was just like ten minutes away, man. But I wasn’t- I wasn’t there.”

Buck’s hands are clasped between two of the rough, calloused ones. They squeeze his fingers and something wet splatters on his skin. Tears, he realizes dimly. The person is crying, breaths hitching as they struggle to talk. “You needed me, and I wasn’t there. I didn’t- I didn’t even know until Maddie called me. And by the time I got there… you looked dead, Evan. I thought you were dead. But they- they were loading you into the ambulance.” A wet laugh. “They tried to stop me. Tried to hold me back. Didn’t work very well. I think I gave Hernandez a black eye. You remember Hernandez, yeah? From the C shift. He finally recognized me and let me through. They barely let me ride in the ambulance with you, but I threatened to call Bobby and no one wanted to fight that bad. Plus… you were in really bad shape. There was no time to argue.”

The hands shift, one leaving his and landing on his cheek, cradling his face softly, fingertips barely brushing over skin. “I thought you might die on the ride. Then in surgery. Then after, when you didn’t wake up. I still- you still might. They’ve been telling us to say if a lot. If you recover fully. If you remember anything. If you wake up at all. Maddie’s been trying. The rest of the crew, too. I can’t- I can’t bring myself to. It feels… it feels like I’d be giving up on you. Because you are going to wake up. You’re gonna come back to me, yeah?” The fingers skim up his face, brushing through his hair. 

“You just have to fight, cariño,” the voice whispers. 

Buck doesn’t know how much fight he has left.  

-

The next time Buck brushes with consciousness, the hand isn’t there. Buck panics, though he’s not sure why. He can feel more this time, the weight of his own body, a pricking sensation in his arm. The bed under him, the air on his skin. He’s so, so close. 

There’s a soft breath beside him and then fingers are intertwining with his and Buck feels like he breathes for the first time in he doesn’t know how long. 

“Hey Buck.” It’s the same voice, but this time when the name comes to him, Buck latches onto it like a lifeline, pulls it close to him and cradles it in his mind. Eddie. “I don’t even know if you’re hearing me. The doctors say it’s likely you can but… I dunno. I feel like- like if you could hear me, you’d come back. It’s stupid, yeah, I know. But- listen, Buck. If you can hear me, don’t- don’t even try to say anything, yeah? Just- just-” He takes a deep breath, steadying himself. “If you can hear me, just squeeze my hand. Please.” Eddie squeezes his hand as if to show him what he means. Then there’s a weight on his hip and he realizes it’s Eddie, resting his forehead against Buck’s body. “Please, Evan, just squeeze my hand.”

And Buck does.

-

It doesn’t happen how Buck thought it would. He doesn’t squeeze Eddie’s hand and open his eyes and everything’s fine. No, he squeezes Eddie’s hand and he hears Eddie shocked, “Buck?” and then the darkness swallows him immediately. 

The hand is still in his when he comes to again. He tests his boundaries, asking his fingers to twitch. They do, and the hand squeezes back instantly. 

“Buck?” Eddie’s voice is almost crystal clear now and Buck feels as if he might cry. But his eyes won’t open and his body still won’t obey him, not even his tear ducts. All he can do is squeeze the fingers in his. “Buck, it’s me, I’m right here.” Eddie sounds almost giddy with disbelief and Buck squeezes his hand again, elated to offer any semblance of relief and always desperate to make Eddie smile. 

“He’s awake!” Eddie’s voice calls. Immediately, a door is opening and there's feet shuffling and voices filling the room. Buck can barely filter them and all he can think is no I’m not. If he was awake, his eyes would be open. His body would listen to him. A panic seizes him suddenly and he starts rapidly squeezing Eddie’s hand, frantic. He can’t live like this, not if he’s not going to get better. He would rather die. 

“Shh, shh, shh,” Eddie gently shushes him, squeezing back and setting a hand on his face, stroking his skin softly. “It’s okay, alright? Doctor Hersen is gonna explain a little.”

“Firefighter Buckley, can you hear me?” A new, older, strict voice reaches Buck. He squeezes Eddie’s hand once. 

“Yeah,” Eddie breathes. “Yeah, he can.” 

The doctor makes a soft humming sound. “Can you do anything else? Open your eyes, control how long you’re conscious?” Buck doesn’t move. He can’t answer. “Let’s try this; one squeeze for yes, two for no until you recover a bit more, alright? Because you will continue to recover, Evan. You just have to be patient with yourself.” Buck squeezes Eddie’s hand once. 

“He gets it.”

“Do you remember what happened?”

Two squeezes and Eddie relays the answer. 

“Alright, that’s a potentially triggering subject to expose you to, so we’re going to refrain until you’re a bit more stable. Do you remember who you are?”

One squeeze. 

“Do you-” That’s Eddie’s voice, cutting in. He clears his throat, fear creeping into his words. “D’you remember who I am?”

One squeeze and Eddie lets out a long, relieved breath. Immediately, half a dozen voices start up again. Buck can’t isolate them, can’t understand them all. Panic starts seizing him again and he’s powerless to do anything but move his left hand, so he starts shaking. His hand, then his whole body is trembling. 

“Stop talking!” Eddie orders immediately, resuming the soothing stroking of Buck’s skin. “Everyone- everyone has to get out, it’s freaking him out.” 

The clamoring doesn’t stop and Buck searches for the darkness this time, yearning for the peace. It takes him in willingly and he manages one last weak squeeze of Eddie’s hand before he drifts off. 

-

The squeezing lasts what feels like maybe a day to Buck. They ask him lots of questions. Some he understands and can answer. Some he understands but can’t answer. Some are just a blur. Memories start coming back, bits and flashes. Getting the call, though he can’t determine who it was he was talking to. The car slamming into him. Calling 911. Talking to Maddie. The 911 call is the most frustrating to remember. He knows he asked for Maddie. He recalls begging her to tell Eddie he was sorry, that he loved them all. But that’s- that’s it. From the sound of it, it was worse than he remembers. It’s probably a good thing. All of it- it’s all just a jumbled mess, but he’s slowly piecing it together, fragment by fragment.

And then one time, he comes back to the surface and he feels Eddie’s hand in his and he smells Eddie’s body wash and he turns his head and he opens his eyes and there he is. Eddie. By his bed, as he has been for god knows how long. He looks exhausted, dark circles under his eyes and hair messy and several days of stubble shadowing his jaw. He’s never looked more beautiful. His eyes are closed, like he might be asleep. 

Buck squeezes his hand and tries to say something, but all that comes out is a hollow croak, somewhere between a moan and a wheeze. Eddie’s eyes fly open and tears well immediately. 

“Buck.” It comes out choked, heavy with shock and disbelief, squeezing his hand so hard it hurts and reaching a hand toward his face. He stops just short of touching Buck’s skin, but Buck gives him a short, jerky nod and Eddie’s hand lands on the side of his face, brushing his thumb over his cheek and wiping away the tear that has already fallen as Eddie pitches forward, burying his face in the crook of Buck’s neck and holding onto him for dear life. His tears wet the skin of Buck’s neck, but he couldn’t care less as he grips Eddie’s hand back like a vice. 

He tries to speak again, to ask for something to drink, but only lets out another croak. Eddie jerks back instantly. “Water,” he says, nodding. “Water, water, yeah of course.” Something bursts in Buck’s chest at Eddie’s immediate understanding of what Buck needs. The hand leaves his face but he can’t mourn the loss, because Eddie grabs a cup and brings it to Buck’s lips and the water trickles into his mouth and down his parched throat and Buck lurches forward, forcing Eddie to tilt the cup forward and let him drink it all in one go.

When the cup is drained, Eddie pulls it away and then simply waits, his eyes searching Buck’s face. Buck breathes for a moment, then lets the corner of his mouth turn up. 

“Hey,” he says. His voice is hoarse from unuse, but Eddie looks at him like it’s the most beautiful sound he’s ever heard. 

“Hey,” he chokes out around his tears. “Th-the others will wanna know-”

“In a minute,” Buck cuts in. “Just…” he brushes his thumb over Eddie’s knuckles and tilts his head back, staring at the ceiling. “In a minute…” 

“I didn’t know if I’d ever see your eyes again,” Eddie says after a beat. “It sounds strange but-”

“It doesn’t,” Buck promises, looking at Eddie again, feeling his lips form a wide smile. “Not to me.”

Eddie just swallows hard and nods, shifting to clasp Buck’s hand between his.

“I heard you,” Buck tells him. “Not- not all the time, I don’t think. But… I heard you.”

Tears threaten to spill past Eddie’s lashes. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” he breathes. “You- you had something to tell me? Once I was awake, you said.”

A look of surprise crosses Eddie’s face and he blinks once, twice. Then he opens his mouth and-

The door opens. A tall man in a white coat steps inside as Eddie turns to look. The man spots Buck and his eyes widen in surprise. 

“He’s awake.” That’s the third voice Buck heard, the doctor. He steps forward in three swift steps, holding out his hand. “Hello, Mr. Buckley, I’m Doctor-”

“Buck is fine,” Buck interrupts, smiling but making no move to let go of Eddie’s hand and shake the man’s. 

Buck is fine. The words echo in his ears and he feels his brows draw together. Buck is fine. And then it all comes rushing back. The call, the test results, the crash. Doctor Offley telling him any children he has may be at risk for leukemia. The icy, electric realization that the one life he was brought into this world to save is also the very reason he cannot ever bring another life into it. 

A shock runs through Buck and whatever the doctor is saying now is lost to him as his ears start ringing and the world starts spinning. He can’t do this, he can’t- he- he doesn’t know how he’s supposed to recover from this, why he should recover from this-

“Buck,” Edide’s voice cuts through the panic, his hands squeezing Buck’s tightly. “Buck what’s going on?”

“I- I can’t-” He can’t breathe.

Distantly, he hears Eddie say. “Doctor, could you…?” And then, “Okay, Buck it’s just you and me. Breathe, c’mon, breathe with me, bud. Deep breaths, okay? In… out… in…” he continues for several breaths until Buck feels somewhat more grounded and looks at Eddie again. 

“Sorry,” he stammers out. “I- I’m sorry.” 

Eddie shakes his head, shushing him. “Nothing to apologize for, Evan. You can let yourself not be okay for a while. You- you almost died.” His voice cracks. “You could have died.”

Buck lets out a soft, dry snort, dropping his head back. “Yeah. What a shame that would’ve been.”

Eddie doesn’t even know how to reply to that. The words stick in his throat, held back by the sudden, icy fear clawing up his neck. He’s known something’s been wrong with Buck for a while. But maybe- maybe it’s way worse than what Eddie ever imagined. 

“Wh- what- how could you even say that, Buck?”

Tears well in Buck’s eyes, making his vision swim as he stares straight ahead at the ceiling. “I’m broken, Eddie. They should- I should fuckin’ donate my body to science so they can figure out what made me defective. Cause there- there’s something broken in me. It’s- it’s why I couldn’t save Daniel. Why any child I have will suffer the same fate he did.” 

“Buck, what are you talking about?” Eddie begs, lost beyond belief. Buck lets out a long sigh. This definitely isn't how he planned on telling him.

“I agreed to be a sperm donor,” he says. “For my friend, Conner, and his wife. They- they want to have a kid and they can’t so- so they asked me and I- I agreed.” The tears spill over, dripping down his face. 

“Buck,” Eddie breathes, and he sounds so sad it shatters something deep in Buck’s chest. His breath hitches with a barely contained sob. “Why? Why would you- why would you agree to that? You could never be-”

“A father,” Buck finishes. Eddie shakes his head. 

“A father who walks away. A parent who doesn’t know his child.” Of course Eddie cuts right to the core of it in less than a minute, slices Buck open and reveals the very thing that has been tormenting him since he said yes. 

“It’s the only chance I was gonna get,” Buck whispers, too tired to even try and lie. 

“Buck, what do you even- how can you think that?”

“Because it’s true.”

Eddie just shakes his head. He’ll deal with that in a minute. But for now… “Why wouldn’t you tell me? You’ve been struggling with this for- who knows how long-”

“Almost three weeks before the accident,” Buck offers. 

“Why wouldn’t you tell me?” 

Buck hesitates for a long moment, but the answer comes out of its own volition. “I didn’t… I couldn’t handle disappointing you.”

“Buck,” Eddie whispers, and he sounds absolutely heartbroken by Buck’s confession. Buck forces himself to look at him, at the tears turning Eddie’s eyes into shining crystals. “Sweetheart, you could never disappoint me, okay? If you- if you really wanted this, I’d have supported it.” Even as the term of endearment causes a burst of warmth in his chest, Buck’s gaze flicks away and Eddie frowns slightly. “That wasn’t the problem, was it?” He can’t answer. “You were afraid I would see how much this is breaking you, that I would help you not do it.”

“I had to,” Buck chokes out. “I had to do it.”

“Because it’s your only chance to have a child?”

Buck nods.

“Bullshit.” It comes out a growl, tinged with anger. “Bull shit, Buck. For the love of- you already have a child, Evan.” Buck’s eyes snap to him, his expression struggling between shock, confusion, and hope. Eddie sets his hand back on the side of Buck’s face. He lets out a teary laugh, shaking his head and looking at Buck with pure adoration in his eyes. “What the fuck did you think my making you Chris’s legal guardian was?”

Buck just stares at him for several breaths until he realizes Eddie expects an actual answer. “That I’m- that I’m a backup?” he offers weakly. Eddie just shakes his head again, tears dripping down his cheeks even as a wide smile splits his face. 

“You’re an idiot, sometimes.” Buck blinks, taken aback. “Evan Buckley, you have been a second father to that kid since the very moment you met him. Even you can’t possibly have missed that.”

“I thought- I just thought-”

“He tells people at school he has two dads, Buck. He has since we built him that skateboard and he went into class the next day and proclaimed that ‘his dads made him a skateboard’ and I got a very confused call from a very frazzled Ana.” And Buck’s crying, but he can’t help but laugh at the image. “You’re his dad, Buck.”

“But you-”

“Yeah, I’m his father. I’m all he had for a while. We were doing alright. But there was always… there was always something missing.” His fingers card through the hair on the side of Buck’s head. “You. You were missing. You came barrelling into our lives and you filled the hole we had been convincing ourselves didn’t exist. It was you, Buck. You make our family whole. You’re everything we ever needed, everything I ever wanted.”

Buck starts. “Everything- everything you wanted?”

Eddie grins. “Ask me what I had to tell you.”

“Eddie, what-”

“Ask me.” 

Buck takes in a shaky breath, neither of them breaking their locked gaze. “What were you gonna tell me when I woke up, Eddie?”

“That I am completely and madly and foolishly and embarrassingly and entirely head over heels in love with you, Evan Buckley.” 

The breath catches in Buck’s throat and there are tears welling in his eyes again and this doesn’t even feel real. He lets out a short, disbelieving, shocked laugh. “You love me?” It comes out as a whisper, as if he fears if he were any louder, it would shatter the spell. 

“Wholly and completely, Buck.” Buck just stares at him, face breaking into a wide grin. “You got a response or…?”

“I think you should kiss me,” Buck says. “I think you should kiss me right now.”

And, well, Eddie really didn’t need to be told the second time. He’s gentle, careful, cradling Buck’s jaw in his hand and kissing him slowly, softly. He’s mindful of Buck’s bruises even as their fingers twist together and his fingertips press into Buck’s jaw, tilting his head to get just the right angle and it’s so fucking perfect Buck could cry. It’s everything he’s ever wanted and more. If only he’d known…

Eddie pulls back after what feels like an eternity, searching Buck’s eyes. “What are you thinking right now?”

“That if I knew getting hit by a car was all it took to get you to kiss me, I’d have done that years ago,” Buck replies. Eddie lets out a soft laugh, shaking his head as Buck grins. Buck takes his free hand and tilts Eddie’s face back towards his, fingertips under his jaw. “And that I love you more than I thought was humanly possible. That our family is everything I’ve ever wanted and more, that it was something I didn’t think I’d ever get.”

Eddie leans forward, resting his forehead against Buck’s. His lips brush Buck’s nose. “I think you’ve had it a lot longer than you know.”

“I think you’re right,” Buck breathes. “And all it took  to realize that was a week-long coma.”

[rainbow-nerdss]

Growing Pains

written for @augustwritingchallenge day 15: Ancient History Buddie, 2.9k Married Buddie, Buck and Eddie get de-aged, POV Chris Read on AO3

Chris loves the museum, has loved it ever since he was a little kid and Buck first started hanging out with them, taking him on day trips. Now he’s a little older, he still loves the museum, and he loves his dads, but given the option, he’d probably prefer to spend the weekend hanging out with his friends. 

Still, when Buck knocked on his bedroom door and asked if he’d be up for a day trip, like old times, Chris had been happy to go along with it.

He’s noticed the pair of them acting strange lately, the way they had when he was thirteen and they’d been tiptoeing around each other, trying to figure out how to tell him they’d started dating. He hadn’t been surprised then, but he isn’t sure what they have to tell him this time. 

They walk through the exhibits, and Chris notices Buck getting all nostalgic over the things Chris used to drag him towards. Chris trails behind with his dad, mostly just humoring them both, but he still finds the little artifacts fascinating, the way they were once household items, held by real people, part of their daily lives hundreds of years ago and now here, for them to look at.

“Eddie, c’mere!” Buck shouts, and Chris watches them interact, Buck pointing out some old clay tablet. They whisper to each other, that quiet whisper they use when it's something Chris definitely does not want to hear. God, they can be so embarrassing sometimes.

Buck's wedding ring glints under the bright museum lighting when he drapes his arm over Eddie's shoulder.

“I wanna touch it,” Buck says, just loud enough for Chris to hear. 

“It says no touching!” Eddie points out, but Buck reaches out anyway. Eddie tries to pull his arm back, but they’re both laughing, and Buck manages to get one finger on the tablet before he’s pulled back. 

“You’re both such children, stop being so embarrassing!” Chris complains. And they wonder why he spends so much time with his friends instead of them.

Buck pouts and reaches for Chris, messing up his hair. “Dad!” he protests. Chris stops to fix his hair in the reflection of one of the display cases while his dads go on ahead to the next room.

He takes out his phone and finds a bench to sit on for a few minutes, sending a text to them both to let them know where he is. Suddenly, a kid with blonde curls appears out of nowhere, attaching himself to Chris’s leg. He’s followed soon after by another kid, who climbs on the bench next to Chris and looks up at him with tear-filled brown eyes. 

The kid seems… eerily familiar to Chris. Something about him reminds Chris of his Abuela’s house, the family pictures on the wall there.

The blonde-haired kid pulls his face away from Chris’s leg long enough that Chris can see his face, blue eyes and pink cheeks and — a birthmark over his left eye.

“Buck?” Chris asks, bewildered. He looks at the other kid. “Dad?”

They can’t be older than about five, and Chris wonders what he did to deserve this. It’s them, though, he knows it instinctively. He’s seen these faces so many times, as adults, but also in the countless pictures of his dad and tías in his Abuela’s house, and the handful Maddie had of Buck in her place. 

He’d complained about his dads acting childish, and now they were four years old. 

Great.

What the fuck is he meant to do now? How does this even happen? Unless there’s some superhero out there with a de-aging ray, Chris has no frame of reference for it. 

“I need the potty,” The child who was his father says, with a sniffle. 

Chris sighs and stands up, figuring he can try and deal with this one thing at a time. He leads both kids to the restroom, and once they’re done, helps them wash their hands. On the way back out, they pass the exhibit Buck had reached out to touch before, and Chris stops to look at it properly this time. He sees the Do Not Touch sign, and then next to it, a placard describing it, explaining how the local stories from where it was unearthed spoke of some sort of a curse. 

He looks at his parents — Buck running around in circles around Eddie with his arms out, making plane noises, and Eddie spinning around, trying to catch him. Chris sees the fall before it happens, but he doesn’t get there in time to stop it. Eddie topples, dizzy, and Buck trips over his legs. 

They both start crying, and now people are watching them, shooting judgemental looks their way. 

Chris gets them both back on their feet, and decides to just go to the cafe near the entrance. They can’t do too much damage there, right?

“I want a chocolate cake!” Buck announces, when he sees where they’re headed. There are still tears on his cheeks, but any sign of hurt from his fall has vanished. Eddie’s still sniffling a little, but he has his jaw out, expression tight, trying to be strong. 

Chris remembers a talk they had, when he was little, where his dad said that Chris was allowed to cry as much as he needed to when he was hurt. He’d been confused at the time, but now he wonders if his dad had been told the opposite. 

He sits them both down at a small cafe table, then turns to his dad. To Eddie — he can’t decide which is weirder, honestly — thinking of a kid this little as dad, or thinking of his dad as Eddie. Buck’s fine, while he calls him Dad sometimes, the word Buck has come to mean basically the same thing in his mind. 

“Are you hurt?” he asks. Eddie sniffs and points to his knee. Chris rolls up the leg of his pants and finds a grazed knee. One thing having a family of first responders is good for, he figures, is that he’s never short of first aid supplies. He pulls an antiseptic wipe and band-aid out of his bag and sees to the graze, then places a hand over the spot. 

“You know,” he whispers. “You told me one time that it’s good to cry when you’re hurt. If you need to cry, then go right ahead.” 

The tears in his eyes begin to fall, and he hugs Chris again. When he pulls away, sniffling but looking happier than he had before, Chris stands up and goes to order cakes and hot cocoas for the three of them. 

“You on babysitting duty, honey?” the old lady ahead of him in the line asks. Chris looks over his shoulder to where Buck’s poking at Eddie’s newly bandaged knee, and sees him place a clumsy kiss over the band-aid. He rolls his eyes. 

“Yeah, I guess so,” he tells the lady. 

“Well good for you! They’re lucky to have a big brother like you,” she says. Chris gives a tight smile as she turns to give her order. “Let me pay for this young man, too,” she says. Chris orders, and the lady pays for the whole lot. 

He thanks her, then puts the twenty he’d planned to pay with into the tip jar.

“You go sit down, I’ll bring your tray to you,” The barista grins, and Chris isn’t going to argue with that, not when his legs are already aching from walking around the museum and suddenly having to chase after two little kids. 

When he gets back to the table, he takes a moment to register that his dads look… different. Older, maybe — eight or nine instead of five. 

He hopes it isn’t just his imagination. If they are getting older on their own, then he might not have to worry about how he’s gonna be a single dad to his own parents.

Chris comes up with a plan of action. It’s probably been about an hour since Buck touched the slate, and he’s not an expert on little kids, but it looks like they’d aged about three years in that time. If he’s right about them getting older, he’ll only have to be responsible for them for another two hours or so until they start to outgrow him. 

Seven hours until they’re his dads again. He honestly can’t wait for them to be all gross and in love again.

The barista sets down the tray on their table. “Coffee for you,” she says, placing the cup in front of him, “And cocoa for your brothers.” So, maybe Chris took advantage of the lack of parental intervention to order a cup of coffee, when he’s usually only allowed one cup per day. The two kids immediately grab their slices of cake from the tray and start digging in. 

“Did she call us your brothers?” Eddie asks, mouth full of cake. 

Chris nods. “Yeah, well, the truth would be a little difficult to explain.”

“You’re good at being a brother,” Eddie muses. 

“Have you ever wanted a little brother or sister?” Buck asks. “I always thought it’d be neat to be a big brother.”

Chris splutters on his cake, and takes a sip of coffee to wash it down. Truth is, he had always wondered what it’d be like to have a sibling, when it was just himself and his mom in El Paso, when his dad came home and his mom left, when they moved to LA and he had to make a whole new set of friends, he’d wanted someone else there with him, like his cousins, like Buck and Aunt Maddie, like Harry and May, Denny and all the siblings his moms had fostered through the years.

He’s happy now, just him and his dads, but… “I think it’d be cool, too,” he says. “If it’s what you guys wanted.”

They walk through the museum again when they’re done with their cakes, then leave through the gift shop. By the time he pulls Buck away from the Egyptian display and convinces his father that he doesn’t need a chia pet, enough time has passed that all three of them are about the same age.

They get to the truck, and Chris realizes a flaw in the plan.

Buck hops up onto the hood of the truck, while Eddie leans against it, next to him. Neither of them make a move to get in the driver’s seat. 

“Um…” Chris says, drawing both of their attention. “Either of you know how to drive yet?”

They exchange a look. 

“Guess we’re waiting here for a while.”

Chris unlocks the car door and gets in the passenger side, leaving Buck and Eddie outside on their own. They’re old enough to look after themselves now, at least. He still watches them through the windscreen. 

They’re talking, and Chris can see Eddie ducking his head, the way he does when Buck flirts with him. 

Oh god, they’re starting already. Chris looks down at his phone instead, replying to a few messages in a group chat, trying to figure out how to update his friends on his day without sounding like he’s lost his mind. 

The driver’s door opens, and there’s Eddie. “I think I can drive,” he says. 

Chris nods and fishes the keys out of the bag, then tosses them over. 

Eddie whistles as he settles into the driver’s seat. “This is nice,” he says. “Is this mine?”

Buck climbs in the backseat, grumbling. “You didn’t even call shotgun, dude, that’s not fair!”

“Yeah well, you decided to sit on top of the truck and flirt, so I took advantage of that,” Chris shoots back. 

Buck kicks the back of his seat while Eddie splutters. “He didn’t— we weren’t—” 

Chris rolls his eyes. “Just drive, dad.”

It’s still weird to call him dad. 

They’re both older than him by the time they get home, and Chris can’t help but watch Eddie, seeing him at the age he was when Chris was born. The age he was when he left.

Chris watches him, sitting next to Buck on the couch, feet up on the table and a beer in his hand. (Chris debated calling them out on the beer, but for all he knows they might  be twenty-one already, and if they aren’t… well that’s just something he might be able to use to is advantage in the future)

The thing is, though, is that Eddie seems… Happy. Relaxed. This is his dad without the responsibility of a wife and kid at such a young age, and he’s laughing, looking embarrassed and a little bit delighted when Buck flirts with him, and… Chris hadn’t expected how much that would hurt to see.

“I’m gonna make dinner, since I doubt either of you have remembered how to make anything edible yet,” he announces, and leaves them to themselves. 

When he emerges, having done his best to recreate the carbonara recipe he’d watched Buck make a week before, he finds the two of them making out on the couch, and he has to throw a tea towel at them to get them to stop.

They’re well into their early twenties now, and Chris sets his earlier sadness aside. His dad loves him, he knows that. He knows he regrets leaving, but he doesn’t regret having him, doesn’t regret coming back. If none of that had happened, would they have come to LA at all? Would they have met Buck?

They dig in, and Chris is pleasantly surprised to find it actually tastes good.

“Holy shit, this is delicious,” Buck says through a mouthful. “You’ve got to teach me how to make this!”

“Actually, you taught me,” Chris says. 

Buck’s eyes widen. “I cook?” he asks, amazed. 

Chris isn’t sure how much of the situation they’ve grasped by now. They know him, sure, but they’d known him when they were little kids running to him in the middle of a crowded museum. They know him, but they aren’t his dads. Not yet. 

He makes them do the dishes, and they splash each other with dishwater, laughing and flirting again. 

They’re starting to look familiar, though. Closer to the ages where Chris was old enough to remember. This is the age his dad was when he came home, the age Buck was when Chris first met him. 

He wonders what it might have been like if they’d gotten together then, if things would have been different.

Chris excuses himself, going to his room and putting on headphones. He lays in bed, watching a youtube video essay on his phone, until he hears a knock on his door. 

“Come in!” he shouts, pausing the video. 

The door opens, and his parents walk in. 

His parents.

Not Eddie and Buck, not children or teenagers or adults who he barely knows, but his parents, Dad and Buck, married and annoying and in love with each other and Chris’s dads.

Chris rolls out of his bed and throws himself across the room into their arms, knowing they’ll catch him. 

They do.

The three of them sit on the floor of Chris’s bedroom, arms around each other.

“Are you okay, Chris?” Eddie asks. 

Chris nods.

“You did such a good job, bud,” Buck adds. 

“You guys remember?”

“All of it,” Eddie confirms. “Sorry you had to look after us like that.”

“I was happy to. I love you guys.”

“We love you too, Christopher.”

Chris isn’t sure how much time passes before they break the hug, but they do.

His parents exchange a look. Chris knows what’s coming. He’d forgotten, briefly, that they’d been planning to tell him something when they left the house this morning, but it comes back to him now.

“Remember that thing you said, about wanting a little sibling?” Buck asks him. “Did you mean that?” 

Chris shrugs. He has a feeling he knows what it is they’ve been talking about, but he doesn’t want to jinx it. “I mean… I guess so. It’d be cool, I guess, but… I am happy. It’s not like I’m missing out. I love our family.”

His dad clears his throat, like he does when he’s getting emotional and trying not to show it. Chris remembers earlier, the little kid refusing to cry over a grazed knee. He reaches out, puts his hand on his dad’s knee, meeting his eye. 

Eddie nods, and a tear falls, but he’s grinning. “I love our family too, kid.” 

Chris sees it in his eyes, the happiness overflowing. He’s happier now than he could have been as that carefree twenty-year-old. Then Buck wipes away Eddie’s tears, kissing him on the forehead, and they both turn back to Chris.

“We want that, too, Chris,” Eddie says. “Another kid, I mean. We’ve been talking about it, maybe adopting or getting a surrogate.”

Chris grins, looking between the two of them. “Really? That would be… You’re serious?”

Buck laughs, visible relief washing over him as he sags against Eddie’s side. “Yeah, absolutely. You’re really okay with it?”

“I’m gonna be a brother?” Chris asks again, to clarify, and his dads nod in unison.

Chris leans forward to pull them both into a hug again, and their arms wrap around him like they have so many times before. He imagines it now, another set of arms, another, smaller body in the middle of the group hug. Another person to roll their eyes when their dads are being gross, to argue with about who ate the last cookie, to sneak into his room and probably annoy the shit out of him.

Chris’s voice is muffled between their shoulders when he finally speaks. “I’m gonna need more babysitting practice, though, if today is anything to go by.”

[danlaw1991]

Need to rant after the latest episode of #911onABC.

Athena instantly clocking that something was wrong when Bobby is given his medal. 🥺

The montage & moments Bobby has with the 118 truly made it feel like a goodbye. I don’t know whether I’m ready for Bobby to leave - be that retirement or possibly not making it out of the finale.

The few moments of Ravi really has me hoping that we get to see more of him in season 8. Such a brilliant character with great dynamics with others. I want to learn more about him & his life outside the 118.

Bobby’s moment with Buck… Absolutely love their relationship. Peter Krause & Oliver Stark scenes are always amazing. The reference to how far Buck has come & the easy acceptance of Buck’s new relationship with Tommy 🥹

Bobby seeing his father again just brought back all the pain from the last episode. Really hope he is able to come to a place of accepting that despite the past he truly is a hero, not just for the people in the field but also for his 118 family.

I feel, or hope, Amir is a red herring & the cartel member that was mentioned to have survived may be who actually caused the fire. Bobby saving Athena from the fire when he wasn’t able to save his family in the fire he caused… A redemption of sorts.

Really hope Bobby survives. If not his loss will impact all the characters so greatly.

The councilwoman using her position to take Mara away from #Henren. Is it ironic that her own grief & loss is causing more. Hope someone is able to help shine a light on the clear abuse of power & get Mara back where she belongs.

Can I just say that Denny pushing the guy away & telling him to get away from his sister was both heartwarming & heartbreaking. 💔 The young talent on this show is amazing.

The Eddie of it all. I can’t help but find it weird how this storyline has been handled. Him seeing Kim & then striking up a relationship instead of going to talk to his therapist is so ‘old Eddie’. I thought he was past this. I suppose it plays up the drama though.

Not surprised that Buck was able to pick up on what was going immediately after meeting Kim and that he confronted Eddie. The fact that Eddie acknowledged something was wrong. 😢

Kim herself dressing up like Shannon to help give Eddie closure is both very moving but also insane. So glad that nothing happened between the pair & it was just a catalyst for catharsis that Eddie clearly needed.

Obviously we’ll see the fallout of Marisol & Chris returning next week. Photos of Eddie & Chris on the bed must be from the finale. I am worried because Ryan stated in an interview that Eddie becomes isolated going into the next season.

Could Eddie ask Buck to look after Chris whilst he gets himself sorted, in a need to not want him to be hurt even more by his actions & trauma?

I’m both excited & nervous to see what the finale holds for us.

[dangerpronebuddie]

It's probably not gonna happen, I haven't been right about anything this season lol, but all the fatherhood foreshadowing in s6 can easily be concluded by bringing up the will again and having Bobby (and Eddie) in danger again.

Bobby doesn't feel like a hero, doesn't feel like he's really saved anybody. Coma Buck knew he had a hand in saving Bobby. It's time real Buck and Bobby acknowledged it. Buck thinks of Bobby as his dad already (the crossover really gave us a lot huh) so them having a moment about it makes sense.

The will has been part of foreshadowing Eddie's next NDE since they mentioned it. Along with all the time references and everyone being late this season, I really think we're headed for another s4-esque arc. But since they really didn't conclude all the parenthood foreshadowing in s6, bringing up the will and Buck's relationship to Chris would make perfect sense.

But this time, Bobby's going to be injured first, and he and Buck may have a scene where they finally acknowledge how they see each other. Then Eddie's going to get hurt, while his folks are there for the ceremony so they'll try to step in, and Buck can finally face the fact he is a father to Chris now, not just when/ if Eddie dies.

(How the Vertigo arc factors in? I don't know lol. Eddie's injury could be tied to Kim (maybe he's trying to save her from something like he couldn't do with Shannon and gets hurt instead?) I don't know. Like I said, I haven't been right about anything this season so... ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯ )

[eusuntgratie]

8, 12, 16, 23 👀👀💚

8. common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about

i have some...complicated feelings about buck and chris's relationship and how that's portrayed/talked about especially in how it reflects on eddie. i say shit like THATS HIS DAD and THEYVE BEEN COPARENTING FOR YEARS because they HAVE and i think in a lot of ways buck loves chris like he's his and chris CLEARLY sees buck as a parental figure and eddie REPEATEDLY and PURPOSEFULLY puts buck in that role and is comfortable with him in that role.

where i get the ick is when that's pushed into this idea that chris needs buck, that eddie needs buck, in order for their family to be complete. and i don't know that i can articulate this well bc eddie does need buck, and chris needs buck too. but i also think it is so so important to recognize that eddie is a great father (despite a rough start) and that they were (and would continue to be) just fine without him.

i've even struggled with how i've written this relationship in fic, because it can be a tough line to toe.

i suspect that fandom subconciously leans in to this idea that buck can swoop in and save eddie and chris in large part because buck is white and eddie isn't. and i know that i'm icked by it more because of that.

and this is probably related, but i don't think chris would ever start calling buck anything but buck. the idea that a kid needs to call someone dad/mom/whatever for them to be "important" is bullshit. my best friend and i's kids call us by our first names but they also refer to us as their 'other mom'. i've always called my stepdad by the nickname everyone else calls him. buck has been in chris's life a long time; i don't think he's gonna start calling him something different if they finally get together and/or get married.

12. the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

taylor and shannon and lucy on 911. fandom loves to hate any woman that's even vaguely connected to one of the boys. i like taylor because she's interesting, and i appreciate seeing a woman who puts herself and her career first. we see men do that all the time. i don't hate taylor for being selfish. i don't want her with buck, but i think their relationship was SO interesting and was important for buck figuring out what he wants.

i LOVE shannon and i have loved shannon from the beginning. people love to hate her and say she's a terrible mother for abandoning her child. but she was a young woman in an impossible position who had NO help from her partner for YEARS. she tried to do what she thought was best for her son, her mother, and herself. eddie wouldn't GIVE her that space so she TOOK it. and good for her, honestly. did it hurt chris that she left? absolutely. would people judge a father as harshly for doing EXACTLY the same thing? absolutely not. shannon loved her kid, she tried to do her best, but she was pushed well past her breaking point (which eddie is largely to blame for - yes i can love my blorbos and admit they have flaws GASP) and everyone had to deal with the fallout.

lucy is hot and badass and interesting and if you watch her kiss with buck and think anything other than 'fuck, that's hot' then we will simply never agree and i'm not going to argue with you. get off her ass, she's incredible and i want her back.

16. you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

miscommunication based pining. i can do it for a little bit, but my nightmare is a 100k+ fic rated t tagged slow burn and mutual pining. JUST OPEN YOUR DAMN MOUTH! AAAAAAHHHHHH!! i can do SOME pining bc yearning can be really delicious but when the whole reason 2 people are pining for seven billion words is because nobody will just TALK it makes me insane.

23. ship you've unwillingly come around to

oooh this is tricky bc i am a multishipper to my CORE i want everybody fuckin everybody and falling in love all over the place give it to meeeeee. i feel like the only ship i've ever really been AGAINST is thorki, and that's largely bc of people arguing that it doesn't "count" as incest bc loki was adopted, which pisses me the fuck off. the actual ship i don't really have beef with and i'm sure i would read a fic if someone sent it to me and it was good. idk. it takes a lot for me to be like, ew, absolutely not.

(obligatory disclaimer that you're allowed to like shit i don't like. i'm not telling you your opinion sucks, i'm telling you what i think <3)

fandom violence asks <3

[veryace-ficrecs]

Co-parents buddie fic recs

This list will include all ratings and tags, so read at your own discretion! :)

this is the family (i found, i made) by sarcastic_fina - Rated G

Buck grinned as he led Christopher to the bus, where a harried looking woman with a clipboard took a glance at Chris before ticking off a box on her paperwork. Her attention then redirected to Buck. "Mr. Diaz? I don't think we've met. I'm Christopher's Art teacher." "Mrs. Conrad." Buck pointed at her knowingly. "I'm a fan. Your homework assignments are my favorite. Mostly because I can do them." She laughed. "Glad to hear it. But I didn't think we'd be seeing you. Chris mentioned his dad would be at work today." "Oh, that's—" "Daddy is working," Christopher informed her. "This is Buck. He's my other dad." Or, Christopher refers to Buck as his dad for the first time, and Buck has feelings.

#LAFDads by ipretendtobesane - Rated G

@coolestttchris he/him my dads are dumb but I love them a lot :) (but don’t tell them i said that) or, chris gets a tiktok, buck and eddie go viral

(Un)Complicated Words by holyfudgemonkeys (erraticallyinspired) - Rated T

Buck knows what it's like to be young and awkward, so he doesn't bring attention to it. --- Or 5 times Christopher calls Buck 'Dad' and 1 time Buck realizes it's intentional.

the wood marked for your fire by hattalove - Rated T

“Chim. Weird question?” Chimney’s chair creaks. Buck cranes his head over the back of the couch and watches him straighten up, pop his back, close the folder. “You only ever ask me weird questions,” he says, and then crosses the loft to sit in one of the armchairs. He levels Buck with a look that’s way too knowing for the amount of words they’ve exchanged. “What’s up?” He takes a breath. “What does it feel like to be a dad?”  in which buck is used to wanting things he's not allowed to have; it's just that he never thought being a father would be one of them.

Christopher's Other Daddy by rant_girl - Rated T

What if Eddie and Ana's first meeting had gone a little differently? Set right after they have finished discussing Christopher and before Eddie leaves the classroom.

5+1 Times People Call Them a Family by sunshinedrift - Not Rated

5 times someone points out that Eddie, Buck, and Christopher make an adorable family and 1 time where they say they are family.

when things fall into place by woodchoc_magnum - Rated M

In which Eddie asks Buck to move in with them during lockdown to help look after Christopher, which leads to certain unresolved feelings being resolved.

when you want by likeshipsonthesea - Rated T

Summary

As Eddie pulls into their neighborhood, Christopher breaks the quiet to say, “Hey Dad?” “Hmm?” “How come Siena calls Buck your husband?” *~*~* or, Christopher's instructor from the horse therapy place assumes Buck is Eddie's husband, Eddie doesn't correct her, and when Christopher asks why, it prompts what might be Eddie's most interesting session with Frank yet.

Five times Buck is Eddie’s co-parent + One time he is Eddie’s everything by Finduilas - Rated

Kind of exactly what it says on the tin? A mix of this Tumblr prompt: Buddie platonic co-parenting to very slow burn to something more fic....? I think it’s an interesting dynamic for them to both be accepting platonic co-parents.... which they realized together through talking about it and then very slowly edge into other things without the pining/unrequited love concept... like they discuss things together and then they’re like “well yeah I guess we could try going one step further” bc they know no matter what they will always be friends - and me yelling at @stellarm that I needed fic where Eddie wants Buck to be Christopher's legal guardian before they're even together.

Actually, Truly by MilenaDaniels - Rated T

Summary

Isabel calls to tell them Eddie's been shot on a Thursday afternoon and by lunch on Friday Helena and Ramon are landing at LAX. When they land, they learn Eddie's already home recovering and has been for two weeks. ---- Or, Helena (and Ramon) tries to find a way back into Eddie's life and doesn't know what to make of finding Buck around every corner she turns.

Finding Home by S_lycopersicum - Rated T

"Buck!" Eddie yelled as he turned his key in the loft door and dumped his suitcase inside. He immediately got a startled "Eddie?" in response, and thank God for that because if Buck had been out running errands it would have been the last damn straw. But he was here, where Eddie needed him to be, and pounding down the stairs from the stupid platform thing he had instead of a normal bedroom. "Is everything OK?" "No! You won't answer your goddamn phone and my house is full of bees."

Something so Magic about You by Distressed_Ladybug15 - Rated T

Eddie probably looked really stupid right now. “Buck-switched it?” Bobby nodded. “Yeah, he’s taking a nap in the bunks right now.” He looked over at Eddie and tilted his head. “What’s so special about tonight?” Eddie blinked, “Um- It’s Chris’ science fair.” He looked out the window and over at the people talking by the kitchen. “Didn’t Buck work a 24-hour, and then cover Alvez for overtime?” Bobby nodded. “Has he left the station in two days?” Bobby blew out a breath of air and shook his head. “I had him do the coffee run, you know, change of scenery. I also made him take a nap which is probably the only reason he’s sleeping right now. I have Johnson babysitting him, to make sure he actually sleeps.” Eddie rubbed his face with his hands and sighed heavily. “That’s just so…” He lets out a strangled laugh. “Buck.” Bobby supplied. “You should talk to him.” He muttered as more of an afterthought. “About which thing?” Eddie gave Bobby a look and Bobby gave a look right back. About the fact that he needs to take better care of himself or the fact, you’re in love with him.

some of it's just transcendental by fallingthorns - Rated T

Buck smiles as Eddie leans in and presses a soft kiss to his lips, and Buck feels himself grinning further against his mouth and kissing back before Eddie pulls away, too soon and with that same soft smile on his lips. He eases the bags fully out of Buck’s arms and turns to head into the kitchen, and Buck watches him go with such a fond smile that he feels like he’s going to explode. And then he freezes and stares at Eddie’s retreating form, his heart constricting in his chest as his brain struggles to catch up with the events of the last twenty seconds. Because kissing? Is not something they have ever done before.

drench yourself in words unspoken by foxwatson - Rated T

Romance is a lot easier to write about than it is to put into practice, and Eddie is the world’s most ridiculous living example of that. He can practically hear the kind of jokes that Shannon would make about it, if he ever told her about the books but - he didn’t. And somehow, probably just because he didn’t start writing until after they weren’t living together anymore, she never found out. There’s actually only a handful of people in the world who know that Eddie is a writer - and more specifically, that he’s E. Diaz, one of the bestselling romance authors on the market. or - the one where everything in canon is the same, except eddie diaz is secretly a bestselling romance author, and nobody knows. Yet.

with you is where i wanna be (take me home) by honestlydarkprincess - Rated T

“C’mon, Buck. Let’s go.” Eddie said, coming up behind him and clapping him on the back. Buck cracked one eye open and turned to look at his best friend. “Huh?” “You’re coming home with me,” Eddie replied, not even looking at Buck as he opened his own locker and started pulling out things to shove into his duffle bag. “You have spare clothes and everything else you need to spend the night already at the house. I’ll bring you back here tomorrow so you can get your car.” Buck hummed in answer, too tired to come up with words for a proper reply. Or, the one in which Buck is too exhausted to drive himself home so Eddie takes him back to his place. Includes Buckley-Diaz family fluff, pining, and sleepy cuddles.

your touch brought forth an incandescent glow by eddiesdiaz - Rated T

They don’t make a big deal of telling everyone the news — aside from Christopher, which Buck had been endearingly nervous about — because honestly, fundamentally, nothing changes. Everyone already knows, really, so Buck and Eddie don’t feel like they need to broadcast it. They do their best to keep it professional at the station, for the most part, but sometimes their small but intimate touches seep into the work day without them even consciously realizing it. (Or, Buck and Eddie share soft touches at work, and the team notices and comes to conclusions.)

all that we need by not1_2write - Rated M

When Buck buys a Powerball lottery ticket he doesn't think much beyond his need for change to air up his tire. He forgets all about the ticket until word spreads that the winning ticket was sold in LA and hasn't been claimed yet and pretty much dismisses it. After all, there's no way he won the lottery. Turns out no, he really did win the Powerball, to the tune of 295 million dollars and just in time for Christmas. He's going to make sure the 118 has the best Christmas of their lives. And just maybe he'll have a good one too.

[mushroom-circles]

Listen I haven’t watched 9-1-1 in like a year but. AU - you can hear what your soulmate is thinking but only if it’s absentminded/not conscious

Athena & Micheal used to be soulmates but started hearing other ppls voices like overlapping radio stations, Athena usually hears recipes from Bobby and the first time she heard “and now for the secret ingredient: love. Also know as an extra teaspoon of cocoa” she laughs for the first time since her and Micheal had the divorce conversation- Bobby usually hears police codes or Athena turning cases over in the back of her mind, especially the ones she has personal history with, used to hear his wife but yk how that ended up and he hadn’t heard anything but silence until he started opening up to people bc the universe is a bitch who knows what’s best for you even if you don’t

Listen. Eddie used to hear Shannon’s to-do lists for every day and yes it did make him feel both connected to Chris and like a bad father why do you ask? During/after the tenseness and then her leaving for her mom and staying gone he started hearing fun or “fun” facts like that mini golf used to be called Tom Thumb golf or that earwax is actually a type of sweat (??) Buck hears Eddie’s worries bc I love that man but he do be an absent minded worrier, some of it not bad like wondering if Chris is going to bring up mummification practices at dinner AGAIN and he’ll have to pretend like he doesn’t turn green bc he wants to encourage his kid’s interests but some of it heavy like the Texas period where he had three jobs and was worried about bills and not being there for his kid even if he was more present than he has been since he left for the army

Maddie hears hypothetical questions and pop culture references. She’s convinced Doug is her soulmate bc maybe he takes her to the movies their first date and mentions all these Hollywood classics that she’d never seen? And even when it turns out he doesn’t want to experience them WITH her he just likes to talk about something she’ll listen to and won’t have any opinions about she kind of smooths it over, confirmation bias yk. But he never once asks her about her plans for the future and there’s. That. And when shit happens she thinks about the latest question her soulmate would’ve asked her maybe as a distraction or something for the future? By the time she meets Chim she’s made plans for almost anything including time travel, zombie apocalypse, and suddenly becoming allergic to bubble gum. Chim thinks about a lot of different things ok. He swears he and his soulmate kept each other motivated bc Maddie would be thinking encouraging things while studying for a test or quiz in Anatomy (or another nursing class what am I a paramedic?) and realize they were both if not studying the exact same thing having a theoretical study session. It would move on to Maddie maybe thinking about things not to do? Even writing this is ugh but. Trying not to make Doug mad in a thousand and one little ways until it stops and he’s so scared bc what happened? But when he hears her running through her checklist/procedure for getting out of there, getting a little more foolproof every time, it’s the biggest fucking relief because he couldn’t do shit when he didn’t even know who she was. When he has his first random run of the mill thought since what was presumably Maddie’s residency he cries

And Karen and Hen!! Karen definitely gets a lot of statistics at first I think, from Hen’s job as an insurance agent and then when she starts studies her ass off to be a paramedic yk that’s the only thing for a while. And well. Don’t know if the infidelity still happens in this universe but can you imagine how chrushing it would be to have one of the thoughts she hears after she and Hen are married be don’t tell Karen or smthg and then have that be the way she finds out abt Eva and Hen meeting up? The angst. Hen hears calculations and know her soulmate is going to be brilliant even before she starts getting into the serious stuff bc sometimes they’ll skip like a record and she’ll go from one side of the equation to the other with no thought in between (which does fuck with Hen sometimes maybe? Like why is she only getting incomplete thoughts? Are they not fully soulmates/is something changing (bc YES in this universe soulmates can change bc you are an ever evolving person and so is everyone else, you’re not going to be perfect for the same person your whole life) and maybe that’s part of the events that lead to Eva happening? And like obviously it’s not Karen’s fault it’s just a sign that humans are emotionally lead and messy etc.) and when she meets literal rocket scientist Karen everything just kind of… clicks. And if they do have the Eva mess to go through I think they should both still have to work for each other? Like yes you’re soulmates but that doesn’t mean you just accept that and never worry about your relationship again, you have to adapt evolve grow with hardships and joy. (I like to think that Karen has at least one “well of course it’s not rocket science or else I’d be able to DO it” thought every time someone says that phrase and it always makes Hen warm and fuzzy because that was part of how they found each other)

Anyway many thoughts for a fic I will probably never write

[beautyinthespacebetween]

Mixed Feelings

Episode thoughts

Possibly some unpopular opinions? So, below a cut

This episode made me feral. I don't really understand the "Mixed Feelings" title of the episode. It makes sense for Hen, but not really the others. I like that we got to see more of Denny and the sort of struggles parents have even when they. I like the parallel of Chris lying to Eddie about going to Science club, and Denny lying about seeing his father. Like, they're both such good kids, but part of kids development while growing up is lying. And like, for both of them, their reasons are understandable. Chris wanted some independence and felt like Eddie babied him and Denny wanted to meet his dad, but he also didn't want to hurt his parents or have them shut it down.

Hen and Karen are such good parents. And I think they handled the situation the best they could. And calling Toni in was the right call. She's able to be a neutral third party but she's sympathetic to all of them pretty equally. It kind of hurt to see Hen and Karen be in so much pain because they're the ones who raised Denny. He called this other man 'dad' so easily, and while it's understandable that Denny would refer to him that way, Hen and Karen have had periods of time where there was a viable threat of someone trying to take Denny away from them. And then, this grown man who said he'd take a step back and do what's best for Denny didn't even contact them to let them know what is going on.

But as usual, Karen and Hen are able to put Denny first, even if it took them a little while to get there. I love how much we've seen storylines with Hen and Karen as Denny's moms. 9-1-1 has done such a great job of establishing Hen as a person rather than a mother and I appreciate that she's had so many storylines that don't have to do with parenting. But it's also so clear that she is a great mother, so I'm glad her, Karen and Denny have had so much focus this season.

Chimney and Maddie's storyline was fun. I like that it was pretty light-hearted but also had the element of danger. I thought we'd see more of Maddie and Athena teaming up, but I'm happy with what we got. I felt a little weird about the storyline and don't know why, but maybe I'll figure it out later. Athena and Bobby were cute with their flirting and I like that we see a slightly older couple having happy, healthy, and slightly kinky sex.

Now, for my favorite storyline. Chris, Eddie, and Buck were so family-shaped this episode. I don't even know if I could express how much I loved their whole dynamic. Eddie had such swagger and I loved that he just grabbed the money out of Buck's hands and convinced Buck to be slightly dubious by taking advantage of his newfound abilities.

Like, Buck won at poker and instead of money he chose to get steak and wanted to cook it for dinner with Christopher. Eddie's not even there. I'm just really happy that we get Buck and Christopher. They're one of my favorite pairings on the show. I love their dynamic and the way that Buck treats Christopher like a kid but doesn't talk down to him. Like he's gentle with Chris, but not in a condescending way, just in a Buck way. From the very beginning Buck has always SEEN Christopher. In 2x04 Buck tells Maddie "Christopher's great. He's smart, adorable, funny in a kid way - just needs a little extra help." And everything we've seen since is just an extension of that. On top of all that, I love seeing Buck do mundane things with Christopher. He watches Chris when Eddie's at therapy. He helps Chris make cookies for his class. Unlike a lot of the fandom, I don't consider Buck as Christopher's dad, but he definitely occupies a parental role in Chris's life. Everything I could say about them has already been said before, but I love them so much.

Chris and Eddie being part of Buck's family was a small part in the season opener, and has had a bigger role in 6B, so I'm excited to see where they take this. Honestly, it would be a terrible setup if Chris and Eddie weren't the couch with the way they've set everything up.

While I would be so excited if they did put Buddie together as a romantic couple, I continue to remain skeptical. I do think the metaphors about the couch are loud, and I think Buck will realize Eddie and Christopher are the couch, but I still think it's going to be platonic overall. Then again, I thought they were going to kill off Eddie's dad, so what do I know.

I just think if they were going to actually do Buddie, we would have seen some explicit things to suggest that they are both attracted to men and/or each other. Even this episode, Buck only talks about sleeping with women. And Eddie's little interruption to Buck talking about not satisfying the women he's slept with didn't read as jealous but slightly irritated and slightly fond, like, "Oh, silly Buck." There's been hints that Buck's bisexual, but I also feel like the show could just pass it off as Buck being comfortable in his (hetero)sexuality, even if I headcanon him differently.

Eddie's breakup with Ana was so queer, but I don't know if the GA would read it that way. Eddie hasn't really shown attraction to anyone besides Shannon and Ana(even if some of that is questionable), but we've never really had scenes where Eddie has shown to be attracted to men. 9-1-1 has a lot of nuance, but I don't consider it a subtle show, so even though reading Eddie as queer makes sense for the character, I don't want to set myself up for disappointment.

For the record, I don't think 9-1-1 has reached queerbaiting status. Found (and unconventional) famillies are a big theme in this show, so TPTB deciding that Eddie and Buck are a family unit but not romantic seems like the most likely possibility to me.

Some Speculation below.

The way some of the spoilers have been revealed (and I'm going to talk about some of those spoilers, so stop reading if you don't want to know any) and the way the fandom has speculated about those spoilers, it makes me so hopeful that they are going to have them be a couple. But it also kind of upsets me because I don't think it's actually going to happen. So I feel like kind of an outlier or a buzzkill saying that I think the show is going to keep Buddie as friends, not lovers.

I'm very curious about Eddie dating that girl who had uncomfortable vibes with her brother, and how that's going to play out. I don't see them becoming a couple, but I'm curious about the purpose of the plot in the overall context of season 6.

I wonder if Buck is going to go to Italy considering Oliver's tweet of the italian flag, maybe with the couch?

It seems like Connor is having second thoughts on the baby thing, so that's another thing I'm curious about. There's a small part of me that's like, Buck steps in for Connor as Kameron's baby daddy, but I don't think that's the story that 9-1-1's trying to tell, so I try not to let it my mind go there. I do kind of wonder if Connor's going to bow out though.

I feel like I had a lot of other speculation but can't remember now, so idk. Maybe I'll make another post with speculation next episode.

Oh, I almost forgot (or I did forget and came back to this a minute after posting). I love that Buck was going to say vibrator or cock ring before he got cut off. I knew Buck liked sex toys.

[piratefalls]

it took two months, but it’s here! a very, very delayed request for @boazpriestly​​ for fics where somebody says buck is christopher’s dad, not assumes it. 

masterlist. always taking requests!

christopher says it

in my eyes, my heart, my soul by lecornergirl

“We made you pancakes for Father’s Day,” Christopher says.

Eddie watches the expressions that cross Buck’s face. Surprise, confusion, then a careful kind of joy like he’s beginning to put together exactly what Christopher means.

“For—for me?” Buck asks, so quiet Eddie barely hears it.

“Yeah,” Christopher says. “I want you to be my other dad. If… if you want to be.”

helping hands by thisissirius

"You have to sign it," Chris says calmly, like he's not pulled Buck's world from beneath his feet. "Then Dad can take it to a judge and it'll be real."

(Un)Complicated Words by holyfudgemonkeys

Buck knows what it's like to be young and awkward, so he doesn't bring attention to it.

---

Or 5 times Christopher calls Buck 'Dad' and 1 time Buck realizes it's intentional.

this is the family (i found, i made) by sarcastic_fina

Buck grinned as he led Christopher to the bus, where a harried looking woman with a clipboard took a glance at Chris before ticking off a box on her paperwork. Her attention then redirected to Buck. "Mr. Diaz? I don't think we've met. I'm Christopher's Art teacher."

"Mrs. Conrad." Buck pointed at her knowingly. "I'm a fan. Your homework assignments are my favorite. Mostly because I can do them."

She laughed. "Glad to hear it. But I didn't think we'd be seeing you. Chris mentioned his dad would be at work today."

"Oh, that's—"

"Daddy is working," Christopher informed her. "This is Buck. He's my other dad."

Or, Christopher refers to Buck as his dad for the first time, and Buck has feelings.

Like a Sack of Bricks by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels

One word from Christopher, and Eddie's realizing he's made a serious miscalculation about his best friend.

(Un)Complicated Words by holyfudgemonkeys

Buck knows what it's like to be young and awkward, so he doesn't bring attention to it.

---

Or 5 times Christopher calls Buck 'Dad' and 1 time Buck realizes it's intentional.

you remind me of home (oh, baby, merry christmas) by catching_paper_moons

“Buck, just come here,” Eddie says, and Buck feels his heart start to pound. “Do you need me to come get you?”

“Oh.” He takes another deep breath. “You’re sure?”

Eddie laughs. “Like Christopher won’t be over the moon that you’re here.”

“For a month, Eddie.”

“So?”

--

or, Buck has to live with Eddie for a month, which would be fine if he wasn't in love with the guy.

eddie says it

just to help him see (what he's been missing) by farfromthstars

With single minded focus, she opens the camera app and switches to the front camera. Eddie’s face stares back at her, eyes widening. “What-,” she starts to say, and so does Eddie. She lifts a hand to her face and the Eddie on the phone screen touches his nose. “Fuck,” Hen says heartily. “What the fuck?”

~

a mysterious powder causes hen and eddie to swap bodies.

dreamin' with the lights on by probieravi

“Uh, that’s not all,” Eddie says, before he loses his nerve. “I was hoping you’d come as my—partner.” He winces as soon as the words leave his mouth, because genuinely, this is the stupidest goddamn idea. Shannon is probably cackling wherever she is over the fact that Eddie is acting the man he is very tragically in love with to be his—fucking fake boyfriend, or something, just to avoid the attention of some PTA parents.

Buck blinks at him. “Are you—you want to pretend to be in a relationship to get Heather Paul off your back?” he asks, fingers squeezing around Eddie’s pulse point a little.

(or, eddie asks buck to come to christopher’s parent-teacher conference with him as his boyfriend. it’s fine. really.)

who taught us to be quiet and still by hattalove

“Buck,” Eddie says, and tugs on one of the uneven strings of Buck’s hoodie, and then Buck’s crying again.

“You’ve gotta stop talking to me, man,” he tries to laugh, and Eddie doesn’t know what to do with his goddamn hands, because he should absolutely be reaching out, should be holding Buck close, but he’s so fucking afraid.

in which tears bring clarity.

when things fall into place by woodchoc_magnum

In which Eddie asks Buck to move in with them during lockdown to help look after Christopher, which leads to certain unresolved feelings being resolved.

i'm begging for you (to take my hand) by sirencalls

Buck hadn’t wanted someone to tell him that he’s in the right, that it’s not his fault. Because everything with Daniel sure as hell feels like it’s his fault. He tells himself that if his genes would have been just a little stronger, if they would have matched just a little better, then maybe his parents would have loved him.

(AKA the breakdown after 4x05 that Buck deserved to have.)

if i told my secrets (if you knew the truth) by withoutthetiger

"He’d once reminded Chim that tomorrow isn’t promised to anyone, and while the past couple of years have only proven him correct time and time again, Eddie’s spent a lifetime running from his own good advice, and he’s barely learned how to slow down long enough for it to catch up to him now. And arguing with Frank about it – Chim and Maddie were actually dating, Buck and I are very much not – had only earned him a tired stare in response, one lasting long enough for Eddie to admit that his heart hadn’t bothered with that same distinction.

So, yeah, he knows he’d been right to encourage Chim then, and thinks maybe Frank’s right to do the same for Eddie now, but however much progress he’s made in the past several weeks of therapy, whatever trauma he’s begun to untangle, being honest with Buck about this might be the only thing more overwhelming than being honest with himself."

***

When Eddie tells Buck how he feels, it's only the beginning, both of them having work to do before they're finally ready for happily ever after. Still, they're never very far apart while they wait. Set at the end of (shortly after?) 5b.

sun is coming up ahead by markofalover

One piece of paper slides towards him. Eddie stops it with his hand, lips tilting when he sees one of Christopher’s famous cat drawings surrounded by hearts.

I love you, Dad. You are doing so good and you’re so brave. We will always be here for you no matter what. Like you said, you will feel better soon. You are my hero.

…or, the drawings keep coming.

the phone rings, my heart beats by soyxunxperdedor

10 phone calls after Eddie leaves the 118, and Buck decides he's not going to let them drift apart.

flash like a setting sun by playedwright

The universe has a fucked up sense of humor as far as Buck’s concerned. It took it’s sweet time leading him down the road that would eventually root him in Los Angeles with an acceptance letter to the fire academy in his hand, but all of that had been well and fine since it got him here eventually. Buck can roll with the punches better than most, so long as he’s given the opportunity to land on his feet.

It stands to reason that the universe was a lot more straightforward leading him to realize he was—is—in love with Eddie Diaz.

Buck just wishes the universe had been a little more subtle about it.

*

or, the one where the universe is screaming at buck and he's refusing to listen

one part trust, three parts betrayal (just add fire) by wonderfool

Buck's parents are in town. It all goes downhill from there.

A Life in Your Shape by thelightwitch

“I’m not talking about the team,” Eddie says, and his voice sounds oddly quiet. “I’m talking about me and Chris. We’re your family.” “I appreciate you saying that, man. But you don’t mean it… not the way I want you to.” “How do you know?” Eddie asks softly. “Because.” Buck looks up, and Eddie’s warm brown eyes are so close, practically inviting him to get lost in them, the way they do every time Eddie gives him his undivided attention. “Because you mean it like I’m your best friend and I’m Chris’s favorite babysitter. And I love being those things, but I want more. I – I wanna be an actual family.” “Okay,” Eddie says slowly. “Okay, let’s be an actual family.”

--

In the aftermath of Red's death, Buck and Eddie find their way together.

helping hands by thisissirius

"You have to sign it," Chris says calmly, like he's not pulled Buck's world from beneath his feet. "Then Dad can take it to a judge and it'll be real."

balancing on breaking branches by intotheblue

The thing that infuriates Buck, more than anything, is that Eddie’s right. Eddie’s been weird and distant and he still knows Buck well enough to see right through him. It makes him want to scream.

Because for all that Eddie apparently knows what Buck’s thinking, Buck has no idea what’s going through Eddie’s head these days. One second he’s fine, the next he looks like he’s about to break. Then Buck will blink, and it’s like nothing ever happened.

And he can’t - he wants to push, okay? But he can’t, because it’s pretty damn clear what will happen if he pushes too far.

insecure (what for) by sarcastic_fina

Christopher twisted his mouth up in a frown and his eyes wandered away, never quite settling on anything as he seemed to gather his words. "When you were my age—"

"Way back in the 1900s," Buck teased.

"Yeah," Christopher said, a faint smile appearing and fading. His brow furrowed as he wondered, "Were you cool?"

Or, feeling insecure about growing up, fitting in, and being accepted by his peers, Christopher turns to Buck for some guidance. And Eddie thinks this is a good time to let Buck know he's a permanent fixture in the Diaz family.

a line drawn in the sand by crazyassmurdererwall

When Eddie forgets about a family tradition and can’t get off work early, Buck steps in and takes Christopher to Abuela’s for him.

Eddie doesn’t expect Buck to still be there when he gets off work. He doesn’t expect to tell Buck how he feels. And he doesn’t expect to stand up to his parents.

But maybe it’s about time he did.

Maybe it’s about time he go after what he wants.

Maybe We Could Be Enough by self mythology

When the 118 is tasked with finding a lost child, something stirs deep inside Buck’s heart.

fell in love with the fire long ago by fayevian

The Malibu Hills fire has forever transformed the shape of LA: rewriting roads, shifting peaks and valleys, and making the familiar unrecognizable.

It’s also done the same to Buck and Eddie’s friendship.

This work is part of a series, but can easily be read as a one-shot.

life like a face between your palms by hattalove

Buck knows Eddie like he knows the sun will be coming up on the two of them in the morning, hugging the line of Eddie’s shoulder even through the blinds.

And still, somehow, Eddie finds ways to surprise him.

in which eddie is sweet, and buck is a little undone by it.

just stay here and be right now by bccalling

When Eddie accidentally breaks Buck's heart at the 118 Christmas party, he knows he needs to make it right.

Buck's just trying not to fall apart.

5x10 coda.

we’ll be quiet by withoutthetiger

"Eddie looks up at Buck then, his eyes so soft and honest, and however much that confession may have taken Buck’s breath away, the smallest nod from Eddie helps give it all back. And the thing is, Eddie doesn’t look upset by what he’s just said. He’s too calm or relieved or maybe just carefully settled with something that he’s known for a while, even if Buck has barely dared to hope."

*****

An AU take on the coming home scene in 4x08 (yes, that one), based on the "subtle smut" prompt "you’re really good at that."

crash into me by soyxunxperdedor

He remembers, then, that they had been driving home through canyon roads. He remembers Buck and Chris singing along loudly and off-key with the playlist Buck had made them for the ride. He remembers them coming around a curve and being blinded by the headlights of the car that was in their lane, Buck jerking the wheel, the scrape of the sides of their vehicles grinding against each other.

we could follow the sparks, i'll drive by markofalover

“Oh! You must be Mr. Diaz!” someone says from behind him, and Buck spins around clumsily, all long legs, to find a woman with a Miss Perez tag stuck to her blouse. She’s smiling politely, white teeth against red lips, and it takes just a second too long to process what she says.

...or, everyone thinks Buck is the other Mr. Diaz.

dreaming’ with the lights on by handholding

“Uh, that’s not all,” Eddie says, before he loses his nerve. “I was hoping you’d come as my—partner.” He winces as soon as the words leave his mouth, because genuinely, this is the stupidest goddamn idea. Shannon is probably cackling wherever she is over the fact that Eddie is acting the man he is very tragically in love with to be his—fucking fake boyfriend, or something, just to avoid the attention of some PTA parents.

Buck blinks at him. “Are you—you want to pretend to be in a relationship to get Heather Paul off your back?” he asks, fingers squeezing around Eddie’s pulse point a little.

or, eddie asks buck to come to christopher’s parent-teacher conference with him as his boyfriend. it’s fine. really.

ketchum, id by colonoscopy

Taylor asks Buck to move to New York with him.

He says yes.

Expect a Thousand More by maybeamystery

The corner of Buck’s mouth quirks. “Thanks for picking up my call,” he whispers.

Eddie feels a sudden pang in his chest at these words. He gives in to the urge to reach out and brush his fingers over Buck’s forehead, just gently enough that he could deny doing it if he really had to.

“I’ll always pick up,” he whispers back.

[5 times Buck calls Eddie and 1 time Eddie calls Buck]

just to help him see (what he’s been missing) by farfromthstars

With single minded focus, she opens the camera app and switches to the front camera. Eddie’s face stares back at her, eyes widening. “What-,” she starts to say, and so does Eddie. She lifts a hand to her face and the Eddie on the phone screen touches his nose. “Fuck,” Hen says heartily. “What the fuck?”

~

a mysterious powder causes hen and eddie to swap bodies.

if I told my secrets (if you knew the truth) by withoutthetiger

"He’d once reminded Chim that tomorrow isn’t promised to anyone, and while the past couple of years have only proven him correct time and time again, Eddie’s spent a lifetime running from his own good advice, and he’s barely learned how to slow down long enough for it to catch up to him now. And arguing with Frank about it – Chim and Maddie were actually dating, Buck and I are very much not – had only earned him a tired stare in response, one lasting long enough for Eddie to admit that his heart hadn’t bothered with that same distinction.

So, yeah, he knows he’d been right to encourage Chim then, and thinks maybe Frank’s right to do the same for Eddie now, but however much progress he’s made in the past several weeks of therapy, whatever trauma he’s begun to untangle, being honest with Buck about this might be the only thing more overwhelming than being honest with himself."

***

When Eddie tells Buck how he feels, it's only the beginning, both of them having work to do before they're finally ready for happily ever after. Still, they're never very far apart while they wait. Set at the end of (shortly after?) 5b.

to keep you warm by playedwright

It’s been three weeks. But Buck looks up at him with red-rimmed eyes and it feels like no time has passed at all.

“It’s raining,” Eddie says, instead of what are you doing here, because he already knows the answer. “Come inside before you get pneumonia.”

waiting for the hint of a spark by fallingthorns

Therein lies the crux of the Buck problem. Eddie’s in love with Buck, he knows it and thinks he has subconsciously known it for a while now. And he thinks that Buck loves him, too, knows that if he didn’t, he wouldn’t be spending every night at Eddie’s home and caring for his son as if he was his own, wouldn’t offer to drive Eddie to and from physical therapy appointments without making it seem like a hassle. But Buck deserves someone who can give him everything he needs, who can have his back all the time, and Eddie knows that he can’t be that person right now.

Because Buck deserves to be completely enveloped in love and affection, and Eddie can’t physically give him that, his constantly aching and useless arm an ever-present reminder. All he has to give is a one-armed hug, a broken mug, and a heart that wants too much that he doesn’t deserve. -- Or, when the bullet severs the nerves of his right arm, Eddie realizes the road to recovery doesn’t always have to be made of gravel.

The Family We Chose by dancer_me

“Earth to Eddie – you alright there, man?”

No.

No, he was decidedly not alright. Buck was off in Austin with Bobby for a three day conference, he has a parent teacher meeting with Carla at 19:00, and he’d been meaning to ask Abuela to watch Christopher while he was gone but Pepa just called, completely thrilled about winning tickets to the touring performance of In The Heights on the radio and excitedly informed him that she would be taking her mother with her to see the show this evening at 19:30, and he said it was fine.

But it was not fine.

Eddie dragged his hands down his face and groaned.

In which Eddie worries, and his family fixes it.

both diazes say it

must be some kind of twist, I could get used to this by soyxunxperdedor

He doesn’t remember much from last night, even less after the fourth or fifth tequila shot. So he certainly doesn’t remember bringing someone back to his room.

He steels himself for the lancing pain and cracks his eyes open.

Oh. Oh no.

This is either really bad or… Well, not really good, but just. Not really bad, and that’s probably all Buck can ask for it to be.

Because Eddie is in his bed, Eddie’s arm is wrapped around his waist, Eddie’s legs are tangled with his. And he has no idea why.

the wood marked for your fire by hattalove

“Chim. Weird question?”

Chimney’s chair creaks. Buck cranes his head over the back of the couch and watches him straighten up, pop his back, close the folder.

“You only ever ask me weird questions,” he says, and then crosses the loft to sit in one of the armchairs. He levels Buck with a look that’s way too knowing for the amount of words they’ve exchanged. “What’s up?”

He takes a breath.

“What does it feel like to be a dad?”

in which buck is used to wanting things he's not allowed to have; it's just that he never thought being a father would be one of them.

The D-Word by matan4il

Chim stops wiping the coffee table with the washcloth and straightens up. "What is it?"

"It's Chris..." Buck doesn't look at either of them. He walks over to the couch and sits down, his gaze transfixed in front of him. "He was so sleepy and I was tucking him into bed when he... he called me the D-word."

Chimney chuckles at that. "Dumbass?"

"No." Buck shakes his head slowly. He raises his head and makes eye contact for the first time since he's come out of Christopher's room. The expression on his face is bordering on terror. Was it an even worse curse word? It couldn't possibly have been 'douchebag,' not with Chris. "It was, it was dad."

"Huh," Eddie says.

"Mmmmm." Chim follows.

"Aaaah..." Buck sounds like he's on the verge of a panic attack. Eddie should know.

Right, this conversation is off to a great start.

opened our eyes and it’s changing the view by markofalover

“Chris had an assignment. He—it’s a poem about family.”

Eddie hums, raising his eyebrows. “What about it?”

Everything, Buck wants to say. Everything about it.

…or, Christopher writes a poem and everything falls into place.

When it Started by DoneInLove

If anyone would ask Buck, he might say it all started the day Eddie’s not-so-ex-wife up at the firehouse to confront him.

If Carla caught Buck at the right moment, he’d probably admit that it actually started the day Eddie ended up bringing Christopher to the firehouse.

If Hen ever asked him, with that look in her eye that Buck could never give a name to, he would likely agree that it started getting a little out of hand for him the night he and Eddie took Christopher to see Santa.

If Maddie were to push him on the matter, he’d have to admit that it really started to click for him the night she called him out on it.

When Eddie asked him when it all started, Buck had to be honest with himself.

i'll be your family by eddiesdiaz

“Buck?” Chris says, pulling him from his thoughts. He lets out a big yawn, wriggling around under the covers until he’s comfortable.

Buck couldn’t wipe the adoring smile off his face if he tried. “Yeah, buddy?”

“I know what I want you to get me for Christmas.”

“You do, huh? What is it?” Buck asks.

“I want you to be my dad,” Chris says easily, like it’s nothing. Like he didn’t just tilt Buck’s entire world on its axis. “Well, my other dad.”

california wishing on these stars by hattalove

She’s been a roadblock for the longest time, a hard stop that cut off so many of Eddie’s thoughts halfway.

What if—but Buck’s with Taylor.

He could’ve sworn—but Buck’s with Taylor.

Sometimes he wonders—but Buck’s with Taylor.

And now he isn’t.

in which 'tis the season, buck is single again, and eddie is being very brave about it.

Hold Me Like a Keepsake by HMSLusitania

While merging households and establishing new Buckley-Diaz family traditions, Chris and Eddie learn the bad history of the baby box and decide something must be done.

The Family We Choose by maybeamystery

“Hey, bud!” says the scowling man, suddenly all smiles. The smile changes his face into something beautiful; Kelly realizes that this kid has not one but two hot dads.

As he’s swept into the arms of his other dad and they start off in the direction of the nearest ice cream shop, Kelly says to the curly-haired man, “You two have an adorable son.”

[10 times Buck is mistaken for Christopher's dad and 2 times it's not a mistake. Contains major spoilers for 5x14]

The Aftermath of Liberation and Love Confessions by ElvenSorceress

After a very long year of one terrible thing after another, Eddie has a brand new life strategy. It’s called not giving a shit.

There’s the fire of a challenge in Buck’s eyes and a clench in the set of his jaw, and come on, it’s not as if Eddie forced Buck into dating the reporter. Not like he pays it any mind whatsoever. It was doomed from the start. She’s not good enough for him. She’s a terrible fit for him. Buck’s clearly been miserable for months.

Still, Buck says, “Yeah, Eddie. Why don’t you teach us. What would you say if you were professing your love?”

You mean something besides, “In the event of my untimely death, I made you legal guardian of my child”?

Eddie stares back at him. He breathes deeply, and since his renewed life philosophy is not giving a shit and not being ashamed and finally reaching freedom, why the fuck not...

~~~

In which Eddie comes out, sexuality is complicated but coffee is not, Buck makes an excessive salad and is also roasted, everyone has a love confession, and December is the most dramatic time of year.

Hopeless Times Call For Rainbow Sprinkles by znks

"Buck didn’t look Eddie in the eye as he slipped out of the room, just in case he accidentally blurted something out like ‘hey, by the way, your son somehow knows I’m in love with you and he’s dropping some heavy hints that he’s chill with it’.

Christopher kept coming back from the library with rainbow books, he’d added kids’ movies with same-sex parents to their queue, and he’d looked Buck right in the eye when he’d picked a balloon that said ‘pride’ on it at a fair."

Or, Christopher has run out of goddamn patience so he's taking matters into his own hands.

When It Started by DoneInLove

If anyone would ask Buck, he might say it all started the day Eddie’s not-so-ex-wife up at the firehouse to confront him.

If Carla caught Buck at the right moment, he’d probably admit that it actually started the day Eddie ended up bringing Christopher to the firehouse.

If Hen ever asked him, with that look in her eye that Buck could never give a name to, he would likely agree that it started getting a little out of hand for him the night he and Eddie took Christopher to see Santa.

If Maddie were to push him on the matter, he’d have to admit that it really started to click for him the night she called him out on it.

When Eddie asked him when it all started, Buck had to be honest with himself.

the wood marked for your fire by hattalove

“Chim. Weird question?”

Chimney’s chair creaks. Buck cranes his head over the back of the couch and watches him straighten up, pop his back, close the folder.

“You only ever ask me weird questions,” he says, and then crosses the loft to sit in one of the armchairs. He levels Buck with a look that’s way too knowing for the amount of words they’ve exchanged. “What’s up?”

He takes a breath.

“What does it feel like to be a dad?”

in which buck is used to wanting things he's not allowed to have; it's just that he never thought being a father would be one of them.

Who You Gonna Call? by kimannebb

He startles and automatically reaches to his left pulling out the tape; tossing it toward Eddie who catches it and once again hunches downward toward the storage unit. “Why is school calling you?” Chim asks Buck.

“Uh, they didn’t. They called Eddie but Eddie left his phone upstairs. I saw School was calling and answered it.”

Not appreciating Buck’s tone of voice, as though Chim was stupid, he adds, “But, why?”

or 5 times Chris's school calls and speaks with Buck and 1 time Buck and Eddie meet in the middle

here’s my number (so call me maybe) by ipretendtobesane

“911, what’s your emergency?” Eddie says into his headset.

Someone groans on the other end of the line. And, listen, Eddie’s been at dispatch for a few months. He’s heard plenty of pained groans, and this… wasn’t it. Whoever was on the other end of the line was? Annoyed?

“911, is anybody there?”

The person on the other end groans again. Someone shouts something in the background that Eddie can’t make out.

“Hi, Eddie,” Buck says sheepishly, voice coming out small and tinny through his ear piece.

or

eddie works at dispatch, buck's an idiot, taylor drops a bottle of wine, and eddie gets the girl in the end.

someone else says it

don't want no other shade of blue but you by lecornergirl

“You can’t go see your son like this.” That gives Buck pause. “He’s not—he’s not my son.” “Isn’t he, though?” she says. And part of Buck wants to argue, but a bigger part of him thinks, isn’t he, though? Not by blood, sure, or legally, but in all the ways that matter, Christopher is as good as his son.

Bajo fuerte como ron by lamardeuse

Buck sits in the locker room at the end of his shift, his cell phone in his hand. There's a photo of Christopher and Eddie on his lock screen; it was taken a few months ago when the three of them had taken a drive up to Topanga one weekend. There wasn't a cloud in the sky and the two of them were sitting with their backs to the camera, Eddie's arm around his son's shoulders as they looked out at the broad expanse of the Pacific.

Buck had loved the picture when he'd taken it – it was pretty arty for a cell phone snapshot – but now it just makes him feel alone. Like he's on the outside looking in.

Like maybe he always will be.

baby, come make me alright by r_holland

Buck’s memory exists in fits and starts. Flashes. Bangs. Colours and voices. Nothing quite coalesces into anything solid. He remembers waking up in the morning, the warm weight of a broad chest at his back, the dry press of lips to his shoulder. He remembers school drop-off, remembers going through the Starbucks drive-thru, a gentle hand on his knee as he rattled off their orders.

He remembers walking through the firehouse doors. Things get a little bit scrambled after that. Like the eggs they had for breakfast.

Holy fuck his head hurts.

bonus: buck says it

Leave the Light On (I'll Be Coming Home) by HMSLusitania

“We’re here for our grandson,” Helena says. “Chris is still sleeping,” Buck says. “I meant, we’re here to take him back to Texas,” Helena clarifies. “Yeah,” Buck says. He’s too tired, way too tired to be tactful. “Over my dead body.” -- An accident on a call leaves Buck with custody of Chris after Eddie is... missing presumed. While they navigate their new family circumstances -- and fight to stay together, despite Eddie's parents' best efforts -- a John Doe wakes up in a coma ward with no memory of his own life beyond the knowledge he has a son named Christopher and, somehow, he needs to get home.

from the ground up by eddiesdiaz

If he’s honest, Eddie gets why Buck filed the lawsuit.

He does. He understands the hopelessness, the feeling you’re losing all control, like you’re sinking, drowning, desperate for a way out. He knows because it’s the same way he felt when he enlisted.

That doesn’t mean it hurts any less when Buck leaves him, though.

(Basically 8,000 words of Eddie working through his abandonment/communication/intimacy issues and building a strong, healthy relationship with Buck, because it's what he deserves.)

a fortune (of family) by thisissirius

the evolution of buck and christopher's relationship as told by eddie.

or a love story, a family, and finding home.

defined by the things i love by lecornergirl

Buck’s on the sofa when Eddie throws himself down next to him, burying his head in Buck’s lap with something that sounds like a cross between a whine and a world-weary sigh.

“Hey,” Buck says, half-laughing, running a hand through Eddie’s hair. “Tired?”

“No,” Eddie grumbles into Buck’s leg. “I mean—yes, but I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t.”

“So what is it?” Buck asks, hand still working through Eddie’s hair. With each pass, a little bit of tension leaks out of him.

“It’s stupid,” Eddie mutters.

“Tell me anyway?”

Eddie sighs, shifting in his lap until he’s looking up at Buck. “We’re out of chocolate.”

everyone, always by withoutthetiger

"None of it’s new, exactly. Eddie’s used to the occasional assumption made by acquaintances or strangers, and the casual observations of those a whole lot closer. It happens a lot when he and Buck are out with Christopher and a little less often when it’s just the two of them. Compliments or questions or a nod or sometimes just a smile, any way to acknowledge them as a unit. A family. A couple.

Together.

But he and Buck aren’t together, and never have been. Not like that, not the way Eddie wants them to be. And while none of it’s new, it’s overwhelming today.

Eddie will still swear that the universe doesn’t scream, but sometimes it seems like it talks and talks and talks and talks."