#just like be upfront about it so I can block you and move on with my day. At the very least.

[waterberry-strawmelon]

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[godspeedviper]

How the therapists react to your "worst" symptoms - Headcanons

SFW || TW: mentions of self harm, mention of suicidal ideation, therapy sessions, very brief mention of (unlabeled) disordered eating, mention of psychosis & violent thoughts.

A/N: this was written by someone who has been in therapy for many years and has personal experience with these types of symptoms. this is not meant to romanticize any mental illness or symptoms of it. this is purely self indulgent fluff. just because your experience might be different doesn't make these experiences any less valid. if you don't like this simply do not read it, block if you must, and move on.

Jonathan Crane (Scarecrow)

He is the most objective and detached of the lot. Therefore he never seems to have much of a reaction no matter what you do or say to him. He really has seen it all before. This does help you feel less anxious as time goes on, knowing he won't ever judge you or ascribe any kind of morality to your actions.

"If it causes you distress or harm, then we should work towards eliminating it altogether." is his typical response to your concerns about your own coping mechanisms. "You do not owe anyone kindness, just remember to restrain yourself from causing harm whenever possible."

He is the only one to have no discernible reaction to your self harm scars/burns. One day, he noticed an especially fresh one and offered to disinfect and bandage the wound for you. He always gives you space to bring things up at your own pace, when you feel comfortable doing so.

"Not all of us have the capacity to be so gentle, and that's alright." he says about your outbursts. "I'm not known for being the warmest, but that doesn't make me any less skilled at my work, or any less worthy of respect. If you do not hold my lack of socially acceptable agreeableness against me, then you should not hold it against yourself."

Bonus: when you finally have the courage to mention the substance usage he remains as cool and detached as ever. "I am glad you were honest with me so we can monitor for any interactions with your medications. Know that I won't judge you for moderate usage, after all, do we not professionally refer to medications as drugs? It isn't ideal, but it is a way of self medicating. All I ask is that you be fully honest with me about your usage so I can better take care of you."

Hannibal Lecter (NBC)

He is surprisingly gentle and very soft spoken, although you were intimidated by him at first and the opulence of his office. He usually greets you with a warm smile and asks how your week went and if you've eaten yet today. He teaches you to enjoy food again, describing it as an art, and asking you to be mindful and present when enjoying a meal. Listen to your body, what it tells you about the ingredients, the quality of the meal, and the hands that made it.

He always asks you what you want to do, making sure to actively include you in your own treatment plan. He thoroughly explains treatment options, medications and their possible side effects, and has you weigh your options. This allows you to really analyze your own reactions and act accordingly when you are alone.

"Now, you do understand I am required to recommend inpatient treatment if you are feeling actively suicidal." he says, when you come in on an extra bad day. "However, I want to trust you and give you the option of what to do from here. If you think it will do you more harm than good, let me know, but you have to be honest."

One day you get the courage to ask why there is a first aid kit on his desk, though you already assume why. He simply looks at you and asks "Do you need it today?" before gently tending to your recent self harm wounds. He never calls you out for it, but he does periodically ask you upfront if you've been engaging in self injurious behaviors. If you respond yes, he asks to tend to your wounds, and if you say no, he celebrates with you. "Good. I'm proud of you for holding yourself back."

Bonus: when you land in the hospital, Hannibal makes sure to go visit you while your therapy slot is on hold. He never calls attention to the circumstances that lead you here, and focuses solely on your recovery and how he can't wait to have you back in the office soon.

Harleen Quinzel (Harley Quinn)

It doesn't take long for her to shed her professional demeanor. She makes you feel like you're talking to a close friend, yet manages to never fully lose the "doctor" in her. She offers you fidget toys as a way to ease the tension of talking about such vulnerable and heavy subjects.

She makes everything into a little game or a challenge to motivate you changing habits. Every time you manage to avoid indulging in negative coping mechanisms, she rewards you with a little heart shaped chocolate at the end of the session. On bad days, she simply encourages you to try again and she gifts you a cute bandaid at the end of the session to signify your healing from a bad day (sometimes, the bandaids come in handy for self harm wounds).

"Being childish can be a good thing!" she tells you. "Its important to have a little whimsy in your life. Just because you grew up doesn't mean you have to... ya know, grow up." She encourages you to try and add a little joy to your daily life. You start taking fuzzy tipped pens to work and keeping plushies at home for comfort. Surprisingly, it does help.

Every now and again she asks for your advice or assistance on minor things, such as which dress she should wear for a date, or what show to watch next. Sure, you are technically paying for her time, but this fact alone doesn't entirely relieve you of the feeling that you are burdensome. Whenever that feeling creeps back up, she reminds you of all the times you helped her make decisions until you admit your usefulness with a smile.

Bonus: "Hearing voices or other noises doesn't make you evil." is her reply when she learns of your psychotic symptoms. "Everyone is susceptible to experiencing psychosis. Hell, I've felt it when I was losing sleep in med school. It doesn't make you a bad person."

Hannibal Lecter (Silence of the Lambs)

You are intimidated by him at first, but his hypnotic voice grows on you. He always sounds so self assured, but never assertive. He has an almost paternal quality to him, making you feel simultaneously comfortable and protected.

He always listens to you intently, you never feel ignored by him. Hannibal is the only one that makes you feel seen and you tell him as much. "Oh everyone sees you my dear, you can be assured of that, but not everyone has the courage to acknowledge you. Keep this in mind for the next time you should feel the urge to do something drastic for attention."

You were worried you would eventually do something to turn him away, as you had to so many therapists before him. However, he simply scoffs at the idea that you could ever do anything that could possibly frighten him or upset him.

When you finally have the courage to tell him about the violent intrusive thoughts he remains as calm as ever. "In the past, we humans had to hunt to survive. We also had to protect ourselves and our kin. As time goes on, that propensity for violence remains, even if our survival is no longer dependent on it."

Bonus: You come clean to him about getting into a fight with someone, being entirely overtaken by rage and paranoia. You call yourself a monster and cry. "I have worked with serial killers, family annihilators, rapists the worst that the world has to offer. I know monsters. You are not one. You wanna know why?" You nod yes. "Because my dear, you have remorse and regret for your actions, they do not. Besides, you would not be sitting here with me if you did not want the anger to control you."

AO3 || Guidelines || Request || Ko-Fi

[satorusugurugurl]

I Think He Knows: (Chapter Eight)

Summary: When your novel takes off and becomes a best seller, doors of opportunities open for you. You can work on the series you have dreamed about all your life. And you’re also given the chance to stay in a tiny cottage in Europe for two years to help with inspiration! Your best friend, Geto Suguru, shatters at the news. How could he tell you how he feels when you leave him? His opportunity appears right before him when you confess that your editor thinks a change of scenery will help with your not-so-steamy romance scenes. They’re lacking a particular spice because you’re a virgin. So, Suguru does what any best friend would do. He offers to teach you how things work. Will you cross that line as friends? Or will you both say goodbye?

Pairing: Geto Suguru x FAB!Reader

Word Count: 4,759

Warning: nightmares, mentions of character death, panic attack, night terror, blood, PTSD, suvivor guilt Language, suggestiveness, grinding, neck kisses, dry humping,

A/N: oh man!! We have three parts left after this update, maybe two. Still plotting out the last chapters!!

Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four Part Five Part Six Part Seven Part Nine Part Ten Part Eleven

Suguru knew something was wrong with you. Something was up the second you both boarded your plane as you mindlessly stared at your computer screen. He wanted to believe that maybe something happened with your agent or you were stuck doing rewrites, but his anxiety told him you were beginning to regret your decision to come with him. He didn’t want to hold you back if staying in Tokyo with something you wanted to do. He wanted you to follow your dreams.

He just needed to figure out how to bring it up.

However, that seemed like a terrible way to start this trip. He should be elated, jumping with joy over the fact that he spent time with you. You were going to be living together for the next four months. It would be if there were any time to tell you how he felt now. If he could muster up the courage to do that, he would follow his friend's advice, preferably today or tonight, once you guys got to your condo.

Suguru was going to tell you how he felt finally. He was going to be upfront and honest. He didn’t want to be your friend anymore. He would much rather be your boyfriend if you would accept him.

If he continued to beat around the bush, there was a chance he would lose you. That was something he could not afford to do. Losing you would be like losing part of his soul.

For now, he just needed to keep things lighthearted and stress-free. Which would be easier if you weren’t mindlessly staring at your computer screen. Your eyes were slightly swollen, and your manicured nails tapped against the side of your laptop as the word seemed to evade you, seeing you were so lost in thought.

Without thinking, Suguru reached over and gently grabbed your hand, holding it tight, drawing you out of your fantasy world and back into reality. Your tired, swollen eyes glanced down at your conjoined hands, and for the first time since you boarded the plane, you smiled. It wasn’t the fake smile that you had put on since you both sat down. No, this was your genuine, honest smile.

Which made his whole heart sing.

“You okay?” Suguru asked as you pulled your headphones up to listen to him.

“Oh yeah, I have a nasty case of writer's block. I hope going to the beach when we get there will help.”

Hearing you speak so freely about the issues you were having lifted some of the tension on Suguru’s shoulders. Knowing that you were just stuck in writer's block and not regretting your decision to join him, he slumped back against his chair as his fingers slowly interlaced with yours. He was afraid if he moved any faster, you would disappear.

“I’m sorry, having a blockage like that sucks. Is there anything I can do to help?”

A flush crept across your cheekbones and over the bridge of your nose. “H-Here?” The shushed, almost reprimanding tone of your voice had your best friend smirking. “W-We’re in public! And people would catch us.” Suguru gave your hand another reassuring squeeze.

“I didn't mean like that. Is there anything I could do to help you get through your writer's block?”

“Oh,” your flush deepened in color, “right, yeah, you didn’t mean us fucking in the bathroom.”

Fucking?

You hadn’t noticed the word you had used, but your best friend did. None of your sessions thus far had gone farther than touching and dry humping. So, for you to outwardly say something like that, it was entirely out of left field. Suguru’s cheek flushed a rosey shade as you continued to ramble on about how there were no planes in your fantasy world, and you didn’t see how that would help with your writer's block but profusely thankful for his offer.

Fucking?

That word had been something he was familiar with countless times before. He had had his share of partners in the past, but you were different. You weren’t just some girl. You were his best friend, and you deserve the absolute best. Fucking, was something he never wanted to do with you. No, Suguru wanted to make love with you.

Love. Making love. That sounded so much better than fucking. Making love sounded like something you were so deserving of.

“Suguru?” Your free hand reached forward, touching his forehead with the back of your hand. “Are you okay? You look a little flushed.”

“Oh, yeah, I uh—it’s just a bit warm in here.” it sounds like a bullshit excuse because it is a bullshit excuse.

You just softly grin, dropping your hand down to cup his face. The gentle touch alleviates all the stress and thoughts continuously forming in Subaru’s mind. He finds himself in the back of your hand, leaning into your touch. Everything would be okay as long as he had you by his side.

He could return to Okinawa and paint a mural of a girl he had failed. He might be able to go back to the street where she had died eventually. And he would tell you how he felt.

All because you were with him.

Even though you were by his side, he found himself shaking as he looked out at the ocean as the taxi drove you both to the condo you would call Home for the next four months. Thoughts of Riko and Gojo playing with sea cucumbers on the beach and enjoying soba noodles at a restaurant just up the shoreline, there were a lot of memories in this place, ones that had been fueling his nightmares for years.

Before those dark thoughts could dig their claws into his arms, pulling him under, you leaned your body against his back, peering out the window with him. “Whoa, look at those waves!” Your breath fans against his cheek before you press your face against his. “We should go for a walk tonight once we’re all settled in!” As he had thought on the plane, you were doing exactly what he knew—making this whole excursion easier for him to process.

“Yeah, a walk sounds nice.”

Anything involving you sounds nice. The remainder of the ride to the condo is quiet. A peaceful, calm, serene, until you're dropped off at the condo building. That relaxed, tranquil feeling is replaced with a sense of excitement, especially when you both walk inside.

The condo was a one-bedroom, one-bath, one-bath condominium with a living room, kitchen, and balcony. What made it even better was that it was fully furnished with all the necessary furniture and necessities. Making it a perfect home away from home for the next few months. Suguru stepped inside, holding the door open for you, watching your eyes sparkle as you kicked your sandals off, running across the polished wood flooring. You made a beeline for the balcony window, your back straightened before your world around to face him as he shut the door.

“Suguru! We’re super close to the beach! We should go for that walk later tonight!”

The excitement planted across your face and thick in your voice had Suguru’s heart fluttering. “Yeah, weekend. I have to call the aquarium first and let them know we made it.”

“Hell yeah! I’ll go start unpacking!”

Suguru chuckled, watching as you carried all the bags to the bedroom. He quickly called his employer. Much like he thought this time in Okinawa would involve a lot of working and less playing. The aquarium Director wanted to stop in the office to discuss what they wanted and where the mural would be. They had also been kind enough to purchase all the supplies for him. Paints, brushes, ladders, everything he could want or need would be provided.

The director wanted Suguru to take the rest of the day off to settle in before you came in the next day, which was great—having a day off. Which meant he would be able to spend it with you. Maybe if things went right tonight, he could finally tell you how he felt because he was getting tired of hiding behind some bullshit excuse to ‘help’ you with your book.

“Hey,” Suguru tapped his knuckles against the door frame as he shoved his phone into his pocket. “So the aquarium said that we could—” When he enters the room, you glance up from your phone, and Suguru can see tears swelling in your eyes. His heart drops into his stomach as you quickly wipe at the falling tears. “What’s wrong?”

“Oh, nothing. I’m okay!”

“Please don’t lie to me.”

The talent of his voice leaves no room for arguments, which she’s anticipating you giving him. “Sugu.” But instead of arguing with him, you smile, blushing yourself off the bed before grabbing his hand. “I was just reading a fan someone wrote about Oaklynn and Ilsan!” You swallow hard, whiter as you squeeze his hand tight. “But what were you say about the aquarium?” Suguru knows there's more than just some fanfic behind your tears, but if you keep pushing, he’s afraid he’ll ruin the first night in the condo with you.

“They said we could take today to settle in.”

You both head to the store to get groceries to cook dinner together. The whole time, Suguru watches you with weary eyes. Knowing you guys were out and about, you seemed fine, but he also knew you. You were pretty talented at putting on a mask behind your genuine emotions. He signs that if you’re not doing better by the following day, he will bring it up again and confront you about what was happening.

The next day, you’re okay, and the following day and the day after that. He’s happy to see your smiling face with no traces of tears in them. He wishes his face mirrored yours. Instead of worrying about you, he’s beginning to worry more about himself. It’s not that being with you makes him sad or that living together for the last week hasn’t been what he has always dreamed about. Being with you was a dream come true. Waking up next to you, cooking meals with you, taking an evening stroll on the beach, and being with you were the best part of returning to Okinawa.

But it was the flashbacks he wasn’t loving.

Images of Riko on the beach, running down the sidewalk. Enjoying her life to the fullest, not knowing this would be the last trip she would ever take because of him.

The second night in the condo was when the nightmare started up again. The same ones he’d been having for years. Riko in the aquarium, the blue hue of the lights around turning red before he was lying down on the street, staring into her lifeless eyes, while her blood-stained mouth told him it was his fault. He hadn’t been fast enough and pushed you out of the way. He had chosen one over the other; those toxic thoughts were the source of the nightmares plaguing him. That also had him stirring in his sleep next to you.

You had been struggling to fall asleep. You and Suguru had been in Okinawa for a week, and you still hadn’t been able to break the news about the cottage to him. That was why you were so upset when you arrived and had been crying a week prior. Eventually, you knew you would have to come clean about it, but you couldn’t do that right now, not when he needed you.

Not wanting to linger on those thoughts any longer, you were about to turn onto your other side when Suguru gasped, yelling your name as he sat up in bed.

“Sugu?!”? You sat up with him, watching his chest. His eyes are brimming with tears. “Hey, I’m right here.” Very gently, you grabbed his thigh, squeezing him, grounding him. “I’m right here with you.”

Suguru breathed heavily and yanked your hand to his chest, holding it there as if he was afraid he would vanish if you didn’t touch him. Scooted towards him, sitting on your knees, watching the adrenaline coursing through his veins slowly settle down. His muscles relaxed, and he watched as the pulse in his throat slowed down. Once he calms down, you lean closer, copying your hand against his cheek.

Leaned into his lips against the palm of your hand. “Sorry.” He pressed another gentle kiss. “Did I wake you?” Shame and embarrassment clouded his eyes as they roamed over your face.

“No, I was already awake.” That seems to make his shoulders relax more. “Were you having a nightmare about me?”

“How did you—?”

“You screamed my name.”

Suguru averts his gaze, biting down on his bottom lip. “Sorry, I—I—uhm—“ your hand leaves his face quickly, grabbing his hand again and squeezing it.

“Talk to me, please.”

Suguru never went into details about his nightmares with you. He only talked about it with his therapist and had mentioned them to Gojo one night when he had been drinking. His therapist had said that it was his conscience. The guilt of what had happened was eating away at him. After increasing his meds, he had encouraged Suguru to talk to his friends about the nightmares, but he had never had the urge to.

Right this second, as he sat down in bed with you. Countless times, you had woken up alone, having to deal with the pain, fear, and memories in the dead of night. Now, it was different. You were with him held. This was why you had agreed to come with him to Okinawa. Even if the nightmares revolved around you, want to talk to anybody else about it

“I have nightmares about the accident over and over again. And it’s not just about Riko—it’s about you too.” Suguru went into details, telling you about the aquarium, Riko, and the street where she had died. In that dream, he described how Riko always blamed him for pushing you out of the way of the moving car. The entire time, you were silent, taking in his words, holding his hand, caressing the back of his knuckles with your thumb. You would give him a gentle, reassuring squeeze whenever his voice would crack or his gaze would linger on the sheets for too long.

You had known his nightmares were terrible, but you never knew how bad they were. Suguru had to suffer with them constantly. Of course, he would have insomnia! But there was one thing about the dreams that didn't make sense.

“Suguru, why do you think you pushed me out of the way?”

Your best friend blinked slowly, looking up from the bed to focus on your face. “Huh?” Confusion was etched into your features. “Be—because I did?” Suguru’s face contorted with confusion as you quickly moved forward, cupping his face in your hands.

“You didn't.” When he says nothing, you feel like your stomach is crawling up your throat. “Oh my god, Suguru, all these years, you seriously thought you had picked me over Riko?” His eyes go wide, and a mixture of relief and confusion swirls in the pit of his stomach. “Suguru, honey, I was across the street. Satoru stole my boba, so I chased him.”

“I—I don't remember that—”

“Of course you don't.” You stroked his cheeks with your thumbs. “You were crossing with Riko when the car lost control.” Images of that day flashed through Suguru’s mind. Him walking in front of Riko, grinning back at her on a perfect sunny day. “The second you saw the car coming, you turned around to grab her—” Your eyes watered as you could feel the heat creeping into his cheeks. “You wrapped her in your arms, shielding her. But her head hit the crib when you guys hit the ground.”

Hearing you tell him the truth, the details of what happened, brings the memories back. They were fuzzy and distorted, like a television during a horrible thunderstorm, but he could see the picture. You pouted, jumping up and down across the street as Satoru held your boba above his head. You were right; you were nowhere near him when the car lost control. It had just been him, Riko, and Kuroi.

He remembered the screaming and yelling as he heard the blaring car horn. Jumping into action, he grabbed Riko, pulling her into his chest, with his back towards the car. The hit hurt, but he tucked his body as he and Riko took the hit, slamming against the street hard. Everything hurt, and his ears had been ringing, but what mattered the most was that he and Riko were okay.

At least, that's what he had thought until he felt the warmth of spreading blood pooling beneath them.

The room felt like it was spinning as everything hit him at once. He hadn't pushed you out of the way. He tried to save Riko! He had shielded her. He didn't choose you over her.

“I—I tried to save her.”

“Yes, and it wasn't your fault that she passed. You did everything in your power to save her.” you brushed your thumbs over his flushed cheeks, watching as tears streamed down them. “It wasn't your fault.”

That truth, in a way, had set him free. Well, part of him, at least. That night, he lay there with you, watching you sleep, remembering how you screamed his name after he was hit, how you were the first person running towards him as soon as traffic stopped. You had been sobbing, stroking his hair back, holding his hand; you had been the one, holding his hand, sitting in the chair next to his hospital bed.

You, god, it was always you. How was it even possible for him to fall even deeper in love with you? He had to tell you how he felt, but he couldn't just blurt it out; he needed it to be perfect.

A week passed, and you were dragged down the sidewalk, grinning up at your best friend, who was holding your hand as tightly as he could. He was talking you to the aquarium to show you his work on the mural so far, which had been a vast improvement since he always dreaded going. But since last week, he seemed to be doing a bit better.

Just because he had realized that the accident itself was not his fault didn't mean he was going to heal overnight miraculously. It was more like he was a glass of dark water, and you had turned the faucet on, allowing clean water to start flowing in. Over time, the dark water would become more transparent and clearer. Riko and everything that happened here in Okinawa will always be part of Suguru, but thinking about it would be less painful over time.

“Come on, this way!” he grinned, pulling you through the halls and leading you to the area he’d been hired to work on.“I can’t wait to show you.”

“Okay! Okay!” You giggle, gripping his hand tighter as you enter the main aquarium you had been to when you were seventeen on your class trip.

The room had a certain blue hue as blue whales and other fish swam in the tanks around you. A wall on one side of the room had been zoned off with plastic covers, hiding what was going on behind the scenes. Suguru pulled the plastic cover back for you, and as you stepped inside. The second you’re both behind the fronted cover, Suguru turns on a light and points it to the wall.

There in all its well-sketched glory are Riko and the whales. You walk along the wall, fingers gently grazing over her sketched-out form, following the sketch. The wall had to be half a kilometer long, and seeing Suguru’s art on a wall like this was surreal. The pencil work was excellent to see it painted—you stopped in your tracks, taking in the wall.

It wasn’t just Riko, not anymore.

All your friends were there: Gojo, Shoko, Nanami, Haibara, Suguru, and you. Each of your friends was spread out, mixed in with different people, each other except for you and Suguru. The two of you were standing near each other. Seeing you on the wall near your best friend, depicting both of you grinning at each other, made your heart race.

God, you wanted to be with him so bad. You wanted to be more than friends. Especially now, seeing what he had drawn made you realize how badly you wanted to be his girlfriend.

“What do you think?” Suguru asked as he joined your side, his hand rubbing against the back of his neck. “Do you like it?”

“I love it.”

“Yeah? The aquarium staff seem to like it, too.” His fingers trace over the pencil markings on the wall. “I can’t remember the last time I had been so excited about doing a piece like this.” You watch with bated breath as Suguru runs his thumb over your drawing on the wall. “I have a pretty amazing muse and friend to thank for pushing me.”

Friend.

You swallow hard, clenching your hands tight. Tonight, you would finally take Yuki’s advice and show him how you felt about him. You could do this!

While those thoughts were in your mind, you ran through different scenarios. Suguru was thinking about his plans. Tonight was the night he was going to tell you how he felt. He’s going to sit down with you and have an honest conversation about how much you meant to him. he wasn’t going to allow this façade to continue. Now was the time for honesty.

Honestly, it ended up with you kissing each other the second you made it back to the condo. Your hands tangled in his dark hair, and you kissed him with no remorse while he reciprocated with gentler kisses. You kicked the door shut, moaning into his mouth while he locked the door. You pushed him inside, turning into the bedroom, where you shoved him against the bed.

“Wh-whoa—“ he chuckled nervously, pushing himself on his elbows. “What’s gotten into you—mmhm!” You straddled his hip, kissing him harder, rocking eagerly against his crotch with whimpers and whines. Suguru groaned, hands twitching as he resisted the urge to grab your hips and rock you faster against him. “Y-You break that writer's bl—ahh fuck.”

“Mhmm.” Your pussy twitches against the hardening bulge in his pants. “Mmm~.” Gentle kisses are planted down Suguru’s neck, over and over, down to the collar of his shirt, where your teeth nip at.

“Princess—we should—“

“Shh, just relax.” You pull back, tugging your shirt over your head and throwing it to the ground before you do the same to Suguru.

Fuck, it was hard to relax with you being so seductive. Your perfect, beautiful body rocks and rolls against him, leaving Suguru wholly enamored by how gorgeous you look on top of him. His shaky hands gently grab your hips holding them, and you try with all of your might to rock against his cock.

You fight against his hold; you need him to know how much you care about him. You wanted to be more than just friends. Showing him how you felt was going to be your best bet. What better way to tell him you want to be more than friends than sleeping with him? If it worked for Yuki, surely it would work for you.

Reaching around your back, you unclasp your bra, allowing the flimsy fabric to fall to the bed, revealing your bare tits. They jiggle with each roll of your hips against his. You can feel his fingers digging into your hips before you slowly trail up the sides of your body. His fingers caress over your sensitive skin before inching further and further up until they cup your breasts.

As his hands gently massage them, your head rocks back while you rut your hips faster against his jeans. His cock throbs hard at your sensual rocking while his thumbs gently rub circles over your nipples, and his fingers knead at your sweet soft breasts. Out of all of the sessions you two had shared, this was by far the most sensual one. This felt real and raw.

Suguru felt it, too, as did how hot and heavy things were getting. He could feel how wet you were through your panties that hid underneath your floral skirt. He could see it in your face, the way your skin flushed, and your eyes rolled back as your hands gripped his pectoral muscles for support as you rolled your hips harder against his throbbing cock. That’s when he knew this wasn’t about your research; this was you taking control, taking what you wanted. He would’ve been happy for you to do that any other time.

But he didn’t want to be a one-time thing.

“Princess.” He began watching as you sat back on the heels of your feet, unbuckling his belt, the clanking of the metal deafening. “Princess.”

“It’s okay,” you pull the zipper to his jeans, tugging them down to his thighs.

“Hey—” his boxers are pulled down.

“Shh—” The Floral skirt is the next to go, flying across the room before your panties join it.

“Hey.”

“Sugu—”

“I can’t do this!”

He shouted, sitting up completely and staring at your naked body as your eyes widened with shock. Did Suguru not want to take this further? Was all of this to help you with your book, like really help you, nothing more than that?

Your chest heaves as your hands cover your breasts while you quickly slide off of his lap. Embarrassment, shame, and Amy of other emotions settle in your heart and stomach as his words repeatedly replay in your mind. This is not what you had anticipated when you sent your plan in motion. You thought that maybe deep down inside, he felt the same way you did.

Your eyes and the inside of your nose begin to burn with tears that you’re trying hard to hold back. What were you even supposed to say in a moment like this? What was the proper etiquette for being turned down by your best friend you had fallen in love with over the years? The only thing you could think was to collect your clothes and leave.

Before you even have a chance to jump off the bed and grab your panties to slide back on, Suguru pulls you back into his arms. Your bare chest is pressed firmly against his. The sudden reconnection of your body makes you inhale sharply as his hands slowly down your back.

“I can’t hook up with you.”

“Yeah, you made that clear, Sugu—“

“Stop!” One of his hands rests against the smell of your back while the other grabs you by the back of your head, pressing your forehead firmly against his. “I can’t just hook up with you because I love you!”

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[comicaurora]

Hello! I wanted to send my appreciation to you as a longtime fan of OSP and Auroura! I am an English Major with ADHD and your content always makes me inspired and my English Lit. Brain very happy with how good your storytelling is.

My question is what stories inspire you to write or make you want to sit down and tell a story? Your content makes me want to work on my projects, but my Adhd only last as long as I am not disturbed (i.e. need to eat or get up and move). You have always been upfront about your Adhd so my second question is how do you keep focused on your story and not burn out? (Talking as someone who is writing a novel as their thesis)

You have been a great inspiration over the years and someone I look up to as a storyteller! I wish you focus and luck! => 💝

Woo! Interesting questions!

When it comes to inspiration, I haven't really found a pattern for what works and what doesn't. The majority of the time, only new experiences/stories I haven't seen or read before work for me - rewatches and re-reads, while much more comfortable for my brain, don't tend to translate into creative inspiration for me - but it's not like a specific genre, or even a specific kind of relaxation, consistently work for me.

The way my brain works is a bit "no take only throw", as it were. I want to just sit down and make solid, steady progress in a predictable environment with a routine, but what I need is to try new things, go outside, take risks - because all those things give me new material to work with and refill the creative gas tank. When I'm stuck, I can't just hit the gas and punch through the block - I need to back up and try a new angle.

The good part of all this is that whatever engine that's running my subconscious is actually pretty good at signaling what it needs. The ADHD brain will be repelled by activities that aren't working for it and drawn to the things it needs at the time, whether that's creative energy or exercise or cleaning or doodling or listening to music or suddenly binge-watching a show that's not even all that great, and once it's got what it needs out of it - whatever that is - it'll be repelled again, either spitting out a sudden burst of creative energy or retreating to its den to chew on whatever it got out of the experience for a more slow-building reward. Little bursts of motivation and creativity pop up all throughout the day, and if you can pivot to the activity in question - or at least note down the idea you just had - you'll be able to harness that pretty nicely.

This "system" really only works for me because I have an extremely unstructured schedule and nobody relying on me to be consistent moment-to-moment. If I'm following the creative needs of my inscrutable Better Writer In The Back Of My Head, I can't be worrying about things like a consistent lunchtime or classes or a 9-to-5. All of my observations are caveat'd by the fact that I am ridiculously lucky to have the kind of freedom of movement and schedule that I can focus entirely on getting to know my brain better.

When it comes to staying focused on any one project, I've reluctantly concluded that the only way to win is not to play. Creativity needs time and diversity to recharge, and when you stall out in any given work session, it's usually because you're out of gas. This is why I maintain several projects in varying stages of "for my eyes only"-ness - a sketchbook, private writing projects, patreon doodles, music practice; even in the large-scale projects like the channel and the comic I have multiple angles of attack at any given time, where I can as needed switch between scripting, research, drawing frames, storyboarding more plot onto the end of the comic's current draft and lining/coloring/background-ing the finalized pages of the comic chapters earlier. This lets me maintain semi-steady progress on average, even if any one facet of the process is left by the wayside for potentially even weeks at a time.

If you're working on one writing project, one novel, I'd recommend giving yourself some time to do small-scale side-hobbies. It won't feel like they're helping, but they are.

I've started to think of inspiration rather similarly to the way I think about nutrition and digestion. It's a somewhat arcane process that, despite being a part of me, I don't exactly understand what's going on under the hood. If you eat only one thing, no matter what that one thing is, you're going to end up sick because you're lacking all sorts of niche micronutrients. If you parcel out a specific space of the only things you're allowed to eat, you might not get sick (as quickly) but you're likely going to become increasingly miserable as you think of the things you're not allowing yourself to try, or slowly build up highly specific forms of malnourishment by avoiding certain things entirely. But if you start listening to your body and try eating what it says it needs at any given time - oh, I could go for a rice bowl right now, oh I don't think I'm feeling something sugary today, man I could really go for some grapes - you're likely to hit a broadly good balance of health because you're hitting a broad range of things your body needs, even if you don't know all of their names or calorie counts, and your body is putting those resources to good use without your conscious input. Between my brain and my stomach, I only trust one of those to actually understand what a stomach needs to do its thing - and between me and my creative brain, most of the time it feels like I just work here.

I hope there was something helpful in all this!

[666writingcafe]

An Interview With Simeon

Part Six

Question One: How do you feel right now?

A little tired, but otherwise okay.

Question Two: Would you rather live in the city or in the woods?

I find a lot more inspiration in the woods, plus there aren't nearly as many people. MC says that I'm an introvert because I get my energy from being alone, and I think they might be right. Not that there's anything wrong with groups of people; they just can be draining at times.

Question Three: Do you believe in soulmates?

Absolutely. But I don't believe in exclusivity. There are many types of soulmates, not just the romantic kind. Like, Luke and I are familial soulmates. I was meant to be his guardian, and he was meant to be my kid. *pauses* Don't tell Luke I said that. He hates it when I call him that.

Question Four: Who is the first person you call when you are happy or sad?

When I want to express good news, I call Raphael. He and I have grown fairly close since the war. But he's what I would call a fair-weather friend. He's made it clear that he doesn't want to hear about my struggles, and I've made peace with that. (So who do you call when you need to vent about something?) It depends on what it is. If I just want to gossip, then I reach out to Solomon, but if it's deeper and more existential, I call either MC or Mammon. MC is a great listener, and Mammon's been through a lot of the same things I have. Plus, he's actually willing to share his emotions with me, unlike a certain dark-haired demon I know.

Question Five: What makes you smile on bad days?

Luke and MC doing something together. They're quite cute.

Question Six: How would you feel if your daydreams became real?

In some ways, they already have. Unfortunately, I can't reveal much more than that, or I'd be in a lot of trouble.

Question Seven: What are you proud of right now?

I recently overcame a really bad case of writer's block.

Question Eight: What are you scared about not accomplishing in life?

Contentment.

Question Nine: What do you think about casual relationships and long-term relationships?

I think it's important to communicate those kind of boundaries upfront and check back in frequently to see if they need to change. Otherwise, the relationship isn't going to last, and one or both parties are going to be unhappy.

Question Ten: What do people say about you that you like?

Do you mind if I go on a bit of a tangent? (Does it pertain to the question?) Yes. (Then go ahead.) So, MC gives the best compliments. They have a way of looking deep inside someone's soul and saying what they need to hear. It can get very specific. (Give me an example.) MC once told me that the words I write rival the greatest pieces of art in the human world. They were reading a short story I wrote about nature, except nature was a metaphor for something--or rather, someone else. *pauses* Just thinking about it is making it hard for me to focus on this interview, and I'm sure you have more questions to ask, so we should move on.

Question Eleven: How would you define love?

What an...interesting question. *clears throat* I'd say love consumes you. You can feel it from the top of your head to the bottom of your feet, but its pull is strongest inside your heart. (Have you felt that way about someone before?) I feel that way about someone now, but to reveal who it is would cause an uproar. (Do they at least know how you feel?) Yes, and they've agreed to keep it private.

Question Twelve: How much value do you place on other people’s appreciation?

A lot more than I should. I'm not supposed to care too much about people's opinion of me, because my relationship with Father is suppose to supersede all of that.

Question Thirteen: Have you broken someone’s heart?

Yes.

Question Fourteen: What do you think about “love at first sight?”

I've seen it happen once. A bunch of us did, actually. (Was it during the initial exchange program?) *smiles* It was.

Question Fifteen: If you woke up tomorrow as a person of the opposite gender, what would you do?

The same stuff that I do now. I know, not very exciting. Technically, I could change my physical form to a person of the opposite gender if I wanted to. We only look this way as to not scare off humans. But I like my current appearance. I feel it matches how I feel on the inside.

Question Sixteen: What is the most ridiculous thing you have ever bought for yourself?

A 200 pack of glitter gel pens.

Question Seventeen: What was your last Doogle search?

As soon as I say it, you'll know exactly why I searched for it: "how to put out a magically-induced fire".

Question Eighteen: What do you think attracts people to you?

I'm able to appear calm and peaceful. It doesn't always reflect what I'm feeling, but that's a whole other story.

Question Nineteen: What color is your aura?

A light shade of baby blue.

Question Twenty: If the world ended tomorrow, would you survive?

With help, yes. If I was by myself, however...I don't think I'd last very long.

Question Twenty-One: If your house was on fire, what is the first thing you're grabbing?

Luke. Objects can be replaced. He can't.

Question Twenty-Two: If you could take your favorite celebrity on a date, where would you go?

They enjoy late-night picnics at the park. (You say that as though you've already been on a date with your favorite celebrity.) That's because I have. Several times, as a matter of fact. Although, their fame is subjective. They're not nearly as famous where they come from as they are here in the Devildom.

Question Twenty-Three: If you could shapeshift into an animal, which one would you be?

A human world Arctic fox.

Question Twenty-Four: If you could do anything without any judgment, what would you do right now?

It would require a hotel room with a magical lock on it, soundproof walls, and lots of...shall we say, supplies.

Question Twenty-Five: Do you easily get scared?

Not anymore. I used to, and then the war happened.

Question Twenty-Six: Can you keep a secret?

Can you? *awkward silence* (We should wrap this up.) Good idea.

Question Twenty-Seven: Have you ever felt tongue-tied on a date?

Yes.

Question Twenty-Eight: Can you spend a whole night awake?

I have many times before, and I probably will do many more times in the future.

Taglist: @lost-in-time-wanderer, @fuzztacular, @dianedancer18, @sweetbrier2908, @flare-love, @completelyshatteredbrokenmschf, @thunderlightning351, @l3v1chan, @anxious-chick, @5mary5, @expressionless-fr, @tenkobitch, @budbuddnbuddy

[sinvilles]

Clay adolescent years backstory ideas under the cut

Basis building blocks: Clay had a dead mother and an absentee father starting at 12. By 18-20 he knew he didn't want to be married to a woman (might have been aware he was gay) and didn't drink. He grew up in Sinville, predominantly Catholic city/town. Clay will regress to a childlike state in times of stress, suggesting a trauma response. Clay knows what piss tastes like.

Fic idea A) Arthur puts Clay in Catholic school so he doesn't have to look at him. Clay is at first apprehensive and critical, earning him a bunch of paddling, but gradually takes on the Virgin Mary as his patron saint (and maternal figure) and begins to think of the resident priest as a new father figure to him. Other kids think he's a teachers pet and a sissy. Needless to say, the priest figures out this kid is practically an orphan and sexually abuses him because he knows he can get away with it (kinda like how Creepler targetted Doughy). Clay mistakes this special treatment for love. He's groomed to attend a seminary after he graduates, but during his senior year sees the priest grooming another kid the way he was and it dawns on him how evil his whole situation is. In a rage he drops out of school, steals his dad's car (he blames him for the whole thing) and books it to Moralton, where he puts his whole Catholic experiment behind him forever.

Fic idea B) this one is inspired by another Sorry About Everything song (Dad Sit Down). 12 year old Clay is not enrolled in a Catholic school, but a public school where he is bullied and ostracized for being spoiled and bookish. He gets bullied by a kid in his class who has weirdly sadistic tendencies that compliment Clay's masochism. A strange friendship forms between the two. This kid likes to play dare and test boundaries. His dares start out innocuous enough- " I dare you to eat this beetle" "I dare you to streak with me through the girls softball practice" and as they go through puberty get more sexual in nature ("dare you to drink my piss" "dare you to bend over" etc). Clay welcomes the pain and the attention and comes up with his own dares. By the time they're both 16 they're basically having sex, just not calling it that. Then the kids father gets arrested for molesting a kid, because when a minor behaves like that you best believe it's because something fucked up is going on at home. Clay's friend has to move away, and Clay is devastated. He wants a kiss goodbye, but get hit for being a sissy faggot.

Fic idea C: older teen Clay sells a lot of crack and sucks a lot of dick for money on the streets of Sinville. When people ask how old he is he goes "old enough". His shtick was signing men up to pledge to support a fake church/cult and then say if they donate upfront he will "pray for them" (pray means drop his pants). During his time whoring he learned a lot of political skills that came in handy during his mayoral campaign. Eventually he gets sick of it. He spends the money on a car and leaves Sinville forever. This idea is less developed.

[wen-kexing-apologist]

SHADOW THE SERIES!!

ALRIGHT Y’ALL I HAVE SUCCESSFULLY BINGED ALL SEVEN EPISODES OF SHADOW (2023) THAT HAVE CURRENTLY BEEN RELEASED AND MY BRAIN IS GOING A MILE A FUCKING MINUTE. I HAVE ABOUT 25 THEORIES ALL BOUNCING AROUND IN HERE, ALL OF WHICH ARE PROBABLY WRONG. 

Thank God for @so-much-yet-to-learn deciding not to watch this, meaning he can’t be spoiled and I can spam his DMs with all the twists, and turns.

I literally do not think at this point, even seven episodes in I can really write analysis of the show. I’m almost certainly going to rewatch this, and maybe that will inspire conversations around lighting, and blocking, and use of reflection but for now, I am just going to talk about some of the things I have been noticing and some paths I see those threads taking. 

First of all, in a ghost story, I do not think that I am actually putting too much weight on the use of Hamlet as a play in this story. However, I will admit upfront that I am very potentially putting too much weight on the Greek mythology (River Styx, and Orpheus and Eurydice) that were referenced in, I think like…episode 1 or 2. 

gif by @pharawee

But, what can you expect when some of the first supernatural happenings we get is Dan waking up on a boat in the middle of a body of water (River Styx)? This does not hold consistently, but there is a trend I have been noticing, of following. It has been making me think of Orpheus and Eurydice, that Orpheus is supposed to guide his lover out of the underworld, and back to the land of the living, but he cannot turn to look behind him. He has to trust that Eurydice is there, following behind him. 

And I have been noticing some point in the show where following behind and not turning back to look have been particularly relevant. In Episode 6, Dan sees a reflection of Trin in the bathroom mirror. Trin is technically behind Dan, but the second that Dan turns to look? Trin is gone. When Dan looks away, he sees a reflection in the mirror of Trin leaving the bathroom, and he follows behind Trin all the way to the funhouse. 

This scene had some particularly striking and beautiful uses of mirrors and reflections. Namely that we see Trin, walking, and Dan following far behind in a number of mirrors. But every time a mirror appears Dan stops for a moment to look at himself. At this point, Trin has continued moving (in fact Trin never stops moving) and we see Dan completely alone in the mirror. What does this have to do with anything? What is the show trying to say about what purpose Trin, the shadow, the visions Dan have serve? Not sure yet! But it’s fucking fascinating. 

Hamlet, of course, is an obvious choice of story for a boy that can see ghosts, especially because Dan sees the ghost of his father at some point(s) in the show. Especially because there is a recurring theme/motif of drowning in this show. We have multiple boys who are haunted, both Dan and Nai being able to see ghosts, we have Dan who harbors anger in his heart for the way his father abused the family, we have a boy who went missing, last seen by the lake and whose ghost consistently appears waterlogged. We have a shadow that grabs Dan by the ankle and tries to keep him below water, we have a moment where Dan sees Trin’s lifeless body floating in a pool. Where are they going with this? I don’t know! And I want to find out. 

photo from @sparklyeyedhimbo

I have thoughts about water and it’s relation to baptism, that these boys are attending a Catholic school, that Dan is constantly pushing back against the way the school functions and the beliefs that Brother Anurak holds. I am so fascinated by the fact that Catholic priest Brother Anurak cannot confirm the existence of spirits, (when Dan has been haunted by this shadow for almost a decade of his life), and that he turns to Buddhism, and a venerable monk to help him navigate the moments where he slips between reality and dreams. 

I am fascinated by the fact that the Shadow we see gets progressively less scary, at least to me, as time goes on. This is an entity that has been following Dan from the time he was seven. When he was a child, at his mother’s funeral he called this Shadow his friend when he was talking to Brother Anurak.  

This may seem tangential, but, about a year or two ago, I played a little indie video came called Gone Home. The premise is that you arrive back to your childhood home, unannounced only to find that no one in your family is home, they have vanished without a trace, and all that remains are these letters your sister left. When I started playing this game, I was tense, I thought perhaps the house was haunted, perhaps my family had been killed and a murderer was about to pop out from around a corner. But as the story unfolds, as you read more letters from your sister, you realize that she’s queer, she’s telling you a story of why she has left, she has gone to reunite with her girlfriend. And I cannot explain the level of safety and comfort that washed over me the second I realized this was a queer story. 

In some ways that is what this Shadow feels like to me. At first it is scary, it is set up to be, it creeps up, background music builds tension, creates jumpscares of sorts, the shadow is what keeps nearly drowning Dan. But as the episodes continue, the shadow doesn’t do that anymore, Dan turns around and hugs the Shadow, and it takes him to his father (who is a massive fucking asshole to be fair).

gif by @pharawee

In Episode 6 or 7, Dan is dreaming of one of the few peaceful and happy memories he has of childhood, and the Shadow rests it’s incorporeal hands on his shoulders, almost familiar and comforting, and Dan talks to it. Dan asks it if he can stay there a little longer, and the Shadow lets him. And for me this begs the question, what is the Shadow? Is the Shadow one entity, or multiple? Are the different interactions with the Shadow meant to signify Dan is interacting with multiple different people? Is the Shadow a spirit, or a manifestation of something else: grief, anger, pain? Did Dan die/is Dan dead?

We see two instances of almost sexual acts performed by the Shadow on Dan. Once happens in a dream, and within the dream Dan is conscious. But he wakes up the next morning wet and covered in scratch marks. The second time, Dan is unconscious, but the Shadow appears in the real world, not the dream world (as far as we can tell) and starts pulling up Dan’s shirt, leans in close, so that they are almost mouth to Shadow…mouth? Both times, there is some form of pleasure on Dan’s face, but both times Dan is technically unconscious, and not really able to give consent. 

Is Dan supposed to be enjoying these moments? If so, are they coming from a lover of his, either one from the past or are we perpetuating circles of time where Dan is retroactively being haunted by someone he loves and loses in the future? I don’t know about you all, and personally I don’t want every story that involved Catholicism to focus on the known history of pedophilia within the Catholic church, but…

gif from @pharawee

Dan has been seeing the Shadow since after he was shot accidentally by his mother and she had a mental breakdown, but this is around the same time that Brother Anurak, Catholic Priest, Brother Anurak enters the picture. And Dan says that the Shadow has been getting stronger since he started at this boarding school where Brother Anurak is a teacher. Could the Shadow be a metaphor for childhood sexual assault trauma that Dan cannot remember, or does not want to face? Possibly. Brother Anurak has seemed a little bit suspicious in the show thus far, (not wholly in the like, “possibly a pedophile” way to be clear, just in the “this dude almost certainly knows more about this student’s disappearance than he is letting on” kind of way). 

Then again, according to the precisely thirty seconds of google searching on name meanings I did, Anurak as a name apparently means “the one who takes care” or “male angel”. I would love someone who is not me and has an actual understanding of the Thai language to correct me if I am wrong. (@recentadultburnout or @lurkingteapot are either of you watching this show? If so, would you be willing to discuss name meanings for Shadow the series? Obviously, no pressure or obligation). 

ANYWAY, the Shadow does not really seem like all too much of an antagonistic force at this point, more of a neutral or potentially positive force, so again, I have 25 different theories that are all possibly wrong, and this is one of them. 

Other theories about the Shadow: Dan started seeing it after almost dying of a gunshot wound, it’s just like the manifestation of death and Dan has been running from it for awhile, it is a manifestation of the people Dan cares about in his life, it is actively trying to possess Dan and keeps getting interrupted, it is a spiritual guide that is supposed to lead Dan towards helping other spirits find justice and peace. It’s a physical manifestation of queerness. Like seriously, I could probably go on all day. 

And actually, queerness is something I do want to talk about while I am here. Because this show is certainly not shying away from homophobia.

gif by @pharawee

Nai has suffered for revealing his crush on Anan the previous year, he is still suffering for it. It did not escape my notice that the only known queer kid at an all-boys Catholic boarding school does not have a roommate. Nai is pretty much always alone, until Dan shows up, and Nai is warned by his teacher to stay away from Dan to make sure “Dan stays out of trouble”. Ever time that Dan and Nai are seen walking together, touch each other casually, exit a room together, they are called a slur. Nai tries to tell Dan to stay away from him so that Dan isn’t condemning himself to the life of a social pariah. We get one good Token Straight Friend in Josh. We learn that Trin was queer, and Trin was friends with Nai, and now Trin has disappeared. 

The queer kid(s) or the kids associated with the queer kid are the only people getting beaten up at this school, and the actor that plays dickbag Anan is truly committing to the bit, because the (fake) punches he delivers look like they got some force to them. 

I was actually just chatting with @so-much-yet-to-learn and as I was writing out the sentence “what if the Shadow is a physical manifestation of queerness?” he wrote “ooh, so Nai sees them as human figures whereas Dan sees his as a shadow commentary on how aware they are of their sexuality, maybe?” Dan does see Trin in full form, so I am not sure how much this does track, but it is at least worth acknowledging that Nai is aware of his queerness, has been outed, is The Known Queer at school, and has a very visibly obvious crush on Dan. Meanwhile, Dan reads queer (to me), some of the things he says, the way he laughed at Josh asking him if he liked Cha-aim, the fact that he sticks with Nai, make me think he is aware of his queerness. But, we as the audience have not actually gotten any explicit confirmation that Dan is queer or aware of his queerness. 

photo from @blmpff

However, it is worth noting the physical ghost that Dan is able to see is Trin, another queer boy, (who everyone at school knew was queer because they knew he had a crush on his male theater teacher) and then some random boy that we have never seen before that he, once again, only sees in a mirror. But in Episode 7, Dan has lost this grounding stone, and the line between reality and dreams is constantly blurring. In Episode 7, Dan dreams of a near empty place, the only thing on the floor are drawings of a boxer, a naval ship, a sailor. He sees a man with one arm missing, the remainder of the limb bandaged and bleeding, he sees a man (again, only from behind) handcuffed to a table, behind bars, reading a letter by candlelight, he sees a man tied to a post, blindfolded and about to be executed, once again facing away, back turned to a firing squad. 

Dan finds out like, practically the next day about the local legend of the One Armed Man, who was a boxer, joined the navy, lost his arm, sold himself to homosexual millionaires, and got arrested for selling drugs to party goers who ended up dying of drug overdoses. You know who else has currently been associated with a narcotics related drug overdose?

Trin. 

The missing, queer boy who was trying to break tradition, and bring progress to his school. 

Trin, the missing queer boy who has hallucinations. Hallucinations like… 

Dead bodies. 

You know who else saw dead bodies in the most recent episodes?

Dan. 

photos from @sparklyeyedhimbo

I don’t know where I am going with this beyond the fact that Trin is established to have bipolar disorder, for which was on medication. In flashback he is shown stating that he wants to get off his medication, we are told in the present that he had stopped taking his medication, and that instead he was treating his bipolar with narcotics, and that he had smoked week the night of his disappearance. It is at this point I would like to say, this show would be absolutely fucking based if they actually gave Trin bipolar disorder, and then had the adults that are suspicious and clearly hiding something, weaponize the stigma against his mental health disorder to try to discredit whatever Trin was trying to do, as well as distance themselves from any potential suspicion around their level of involvement in Trin’s disappearance. (This is not to say this is behavior I support irl, it is to say that it would be excellent commentary around how someone’s mental health can be weaponized against them in truly terrible ways)

So by my count we have two instances of drug overdose mentions from two separate people and stories (Trin’s disappearance and the One Armed Man), and two instances of “hallucinations” of seeing dead people (Trin’s vision he discusses in an audio recording and Dan’s vision in art class). These are not enough data points to say they are definitively doing something with this, but it is just something I am noting. 

Another theory that @so-much-yet-to-learn floated in conversation with me was the idea that the boys that were being haunted were ones who were breaking the status quo in some way. Trin was trying to do away with hazing at school and was called in to the administrator’s office multiple times and told to change his student president campaign policies, Nai is currently the only known queer at school, and Dan does not engage in anything even resembling filial piety. (Again, his dad is a Grade A Major Fucking Asshole).

photos from @sparklyeyedhimbo

Where am I going with this? I don’t know! Maybe nowhere! Again, my brain is going BRRRRRRR and I am just rapidly cycling through a thousand unformed theories. God, I just want to know what happened, I want to know what everyone knows, I want to know what the fuck is up with Anan and the teacher he is fucking and their involvement in all of this, I wanna know why the fuck he is as reactive as he is (like he literally almost strangled Dan to the point of unconsciousness at the end of Episode 7), Anan and HIS TEACHER keep making references to Trin, to “the nurses other daughter”, throwing suspicion on Dan about knowing about them. I want to know how they are involved in all of this. 

I JUST WANT TO KNOW EVERYTHING! I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IS HAPPENING, I CAN SEE A MILLION DIFFERENT OUTCOMES, I AM HAVING A GREAT TIME AND I FUCKING HOPE THIS SHOW CAN STICK THE LANDING BECAUSE I AM ENJOYING IT SO MUCH.

[peterpparkrr]

Banter (ch. 5)

Series: Banter

Pairing: Roy Kent x f!Reader

Summary: Keeley gives you some much needed advice. You and Roy finally talk about your feelings.

A/N: Sorry for the delay with this chapter! Motivation is a fickle mistress and this chapter is a bit shorter than I’d like it to be, but thank you for your patience!

(Ch. 1) (Ch. 2) (Ch. 3) (Ch. 4)

series masterlist

The next morning you wake up to a text from Keeley insisting on a coffee date to debrief the night before unless quote-unquote “Roy already made you breakfast in bed.” 

You ignore the joke and tell her you’ll meet her at your favorite cafe near the stadium.

"Did you and Roy talk all night?" Keeley asks before your butt can make contact with your seat. 

Keeley already has your latte and croissant sitting in front of you which would be a kind gesture from your friend if it wasn’t coupled with Keeley literally bouncing up and down across from you, leaning in as if she’s worried she’ll miss anything.

"Yeah," You reply. "I don't know, it was weird," You admit with a shrug.

"Good weird or bad weird?" She asks with an eye wiggle.

"Well we stayed at Ola’s until Sam kicked us out and so I asked him if he wanted to go for a drink so we could keep talking, right? And then we were at the pub until late, still talking. And he walked me home, but then I was like standing outside my flat, waiting for the goodnight kiss and he just... left?" You explain.

"I made eyes at him and everything," You tell Keeley with a groan. "God, it was so embarrassing."

“Woah,” Keeley murmurs as you place your head in your hands.

It’s not until your shoulders start to shake that Keeley pushes out of her chair and comes to crouch beside you.

“Hey! Hey! You’re alright!” Keeley consoles you as she rubs her hand on your back. 

You laugh mirthlessly as you look up at her and Keeley breathes a sigh of relief when she  realizes you’re laughing and not crying.

“I know I just, I think I’m really starting to like him which is just… shit,” You tell her.

“Remember what we talked about?” Keeley asks you as she grabs your hand and squeezes it tightly.

“You need to be upfront and honest with him about your feelings. Roy’s not a mindreader. Obviously,” She points out. “So maybe you just need to ask him what’s up.” 

“I can’t do that I-” You stammer out in mild panic.

It’s one thing to be rejected in the sense that you’re left at your door, kissless, it’s an entirely different thing to explicitly state your interest and be brutally rejected with words. You’re not sure you can handle the latter.

“Yes you can,” Keeley cuts you off. “You are a strong, capable woman who can do anything she puts her mind to, and Roy would be fucking lucky to have you.”

“I’ll ask him,” You reply with a nod as you set your determination.

“Good girl,” Keeley replies.

“I’ll go ask him right now,” You say as you move to stand up.

“Oh,” Keeley murmurs, her eyes widening as she watches you stand up and collect your things.

“Why not? Right?” You offer her with a shrug.

“Yeah,” Keeley replies. Though she’s suddenly wondering if she’s possibly too good at motivational speeches. “Um, do you want me to come with you?”

“I think I have to do this on my own,” You tell her. “I’ll let you know how it goes.”

“Roy!” You shout as you march through the AFC Richmond hallway, trying to catch up to the dark-haired man striding down the hall towards the coaches' offices.

“Hey,” Roy greets you as he turns to see you headed in his direction.

“Do you want a croissant?” You ask as you push the bag into his hands before he can even respond.

“This croissant has a bite taken out of it,” He points out as he pulls it out of the bag. “I know, I got hungry while I was walking over here,” You tell him. 

“But that’s not why I’m here,” You tell him as you try to get yourself back on track before you lose the sudden burst of self-confidence that carried you the four blocks here.

"Do you like me or don't you?" You ask him.

"Of course I like you," Roy replies.

Oh.

Your chest deflates significantly with relief. That was way easier than you thought it would be. And the ideal outcome. 

Except you’re still confused.

"Well, then why didn't you kiss me last night?" You ask him as your brows furrow again with the reminder of why exactly you’re so confused by this man. “The hot-and-cold, mixed signals are doing my head in.”

"I like to take things slow," Roy tells you. “And I don’t want to rush into things before I understand where you’re at.”

"But you do? Like me, I mean?"  You ask.

"Of course I fucking like you," Roy replies. "Even after you brutally fucking rejected me I liked you."

"You rejected me!" 

"No I fucking didn't," Roy replies, shaking his head. "You walked out of that restaurant before I could even say anything and then told me that being seen with me was a fucking embarrassment."

"That's not how-"

"If either of us is hot-and-cold and impossible to read it's you," He tells you

"But-"

Roy cuts you off.

"I fucking like you, (Y/N), and if I need to keep telling you that every fucking day until it sinks in I'll do it, but only if you admit that you have feelings for me too."

"I-I do,” You reply. "Like you," You tell him.

"I like you a lot, Roy," You tell him.

"Well, there we go," Roy replies. “That wasn’t too hard now was it?”

"But what does that mean?" You ask. "What do we do now?"

"I have one idea," Roy says as he closes the gap between you two and moves forward to cup your face in his hands. 

His lips are pressed against yours and the hand curls around to cup your neck before you can get your brain firing on all cylinders. 

Roy Kent is kissing you. 

Roy Kent is kissing you in the middle of the hallway in your place of work. 

His place of work.

You break apart as quickly as you were pulled together. 

"I..." You stall as your brain struggles to form the words you want to say. 

"What are you doing tonight?" Roy asks you in a low voice as his thumb traces over the curve of your cheek. 

"Normally I'd say something like, you," You reply as you gaze back at him. The heat of that kiss still fresh in your mind. "But apparently you want to take it slow."

"Fuck slow," Roy growls. 

God, he's the hottest man you've ever met. 

"Come over to my place, I'll make us dinner," He tells you.

"As long as you kiss me like that again I'll go wherever you want."

"Tonight," He promises. And you don’t know if it’s about the date or the kiss or the unspoken thing you’re definitely both thinking about right now as you can feel Roy’s eyes tracing down your body.

“Tonight,” You agree before you take a step back and turn to head out before you do something truly reckless.

Like shagging a football coach in a closet.

You’re halfway down the hallway when you realize you’ve forgotten something.

“My croissant!” You shout as you turn around.

“My croissant now, you gave it to me, remember?” Roy replies before he pulls it out of the bag and takes a bite before heading into his office.

Tonight. You remind yourself as you walk out of the training facility. You just need to keep a handle on yourself until tonight.

[stellocchia]

I'm sick and awake at an unreasonable hour, so it's Empires time!

So, while I was stuck between sleeping and being awake I got thinking of what it'd be like to be an interior designer in Empires. Weirdly specific, I know, but here we go!

Sanctuary: Sausage contacts you directly. When you arrive there the outside is already built and all the blocks are provided. Maybe this will be a standard job then. You get to assembling everything, tables, chairs, a stage... there are only two boxes left. You open them: they're pole dancing poles. You sigh and get to building that too. It could have been worse, at least he's not a zombie this time.

GlimmerGrove: Not only are you contacted directly by Katherine, you're also surprised because she usually doesn't like having outsiders. You get blindfolded at the entrance of the kingdom and they only take it off once you're in a dark unsettling room with a metalling scent to it. The light gets turned on. There's a pile of bloody severed monster skulls on the floor. Katherine asks you to help them look cute. You don't get paid enough for this shit.

Stratos: The request for your help goes through so much bureaucracy that you're not even sure God Joel is aware you're coming. You go anyway. You aren't told whether your job is in Lower or Upper Stratos and nobody knows anything. Once you finally make your way to Upper Stratos Joel pushes you into one of the holes in his bridges "for fun". You don't die by poor chance but you decide that it's time to leave regardless.

Olipoligo: You got a request in the form of a parrot learning a song about interiors and singing it back to you. It's so unusual that you decide to go. Oli is there trying to hold his colorful tent together with his will and failing. You decide to help and not only secure the tent but build it a lovely interior. It's time for payment, Oli points at a weird egg behind you and, once you turn around again, he's gone. Goddammit.

Evermoore: There's been a request sitting on your shelf for ages. It's gonna remain there. After the experience with Stratos you're not getting anywhere near the cursed fog ever.

Eversea: You make the mistake of going once. At first, it looks like everything is going well. There are no blocks out for you, but you have no problems providing those for an additional fee. You finish decorating the interior of all the new houses. Pirate Joe points his pistol at you and asks you to hand over all your goods. You haven't been paid since GlimmerGrove. It's awkward for both of you.

Gobland: For the first time ever you get paid upfront. All you're asked for is not to ask questions and to work around the chickens. Sounds easy enough. It's not easy. There are chickens everywhere and new ones pop out constantly. If that wasn't enough to get Fwhip to flip, his boss? Ex-boyfriend? Whatever the Sheriff is has just either fired him or broken up with him. Either way, Fwhip has not taken it well. You get through it by politely nodding to everything he says.

Ancient Capital: You're greeted on the bridge by its only inhabitant. He brings you to a statue and then down under it. There are graves everywhere, but you try to ignore that detail. He stops in front of more graves and asks you with no hint of joking if you can make the place look cozy. You want to cry, but at least he's paying...

Cogsmade: This one is another surprise, as the ruler likes to keep to herself. You still go. There's an unsettling pumpkin statue on the bridge, you try to ignore it. False does too. Perhaps that's the reason why she asked for help decorating. You head inside, the pumpkin guy statue is in there as well. You try to ignore it again, but it doesn't work. The thing hands you a clock somehow without moving. You're out of there before anyone can say anything else. Not worth the money.

Tumble Town: You both know you aren't gonna get paid for this job, but it beats getting arrested, so you take up the Sheriff's request. You do get paid by Joel to fit in his house as many Toy Story references as you can. You don't regret as thing as you comply. You gotta admit it's kinda funny after all.

Dawn: You think you're finally getting a regular job. Princess Gem promised you enough gold to settle down for good for a bit of a house renovation. You work hard and you have a smile on your face the whole time. Finally, you're done. It's time for the payment, Gem pulls out all the gold you could wish for... or was supposed to. That's honey. All of that is honey. At least your life will be a bit sweeter from now on.

Animalia: You weren't even there for a job, you just wanted to buy some amethyst. And yet, Major Lizzie finds you and drags you into one of the houses. She offers you raw chicken and amethyst to make it seem like no butchers accidentally died in there. This may as well happen. You do a great job if you say so yourself, and get paid as promised. You never talk about it ever again.

Chromia: You heard crazy things about the ruler of the place, so you're already dreading your visit. Things take a turn for the worst when the person who comes to greet you is actually a llama. Not an anthropomorphic one like Animalia's citizens, just a normal regular llama. You still decide to go through with it. It... goes surprisingly well. You get paid normally and you only have to sit through a few hours of Scott thirsting for Sausage. Overall, you think you got desensitized to that shit by now.

[ad-hawkeye]

incoming live blogging of my reread of alkaid's solitary light route for azure island. ough my god. it's so good.

“you enjoy any song i sing” followed by alkaid immediately being like oh shit what if she doesnt believe me and she thinks i’m just--

love the ominous singer third wheeling in this scene. keep it up king.

alkaid giving her his coat. ugh. weak for that trope dont @ me.

him realizing mc is scared of the singing man just bc her hand tensed up.

wordless understanding in looking and nodding at each other. god. shoot me.

hehe the radio show makes its return. mc’s mother how we missed ye…

wordless communication just by touching mc’s palm. her immediately knowing what alkaid was saying with that action. i hate couples i hate couples i hate cou

“alkaid looks at me patiently, making no attempt to press me into giving an answer - whether or not i tell him is entirely up to me” vibrates. vibrates

“can you come to my room…? “…?”

“i dont want to hide anything from alkaid” followed by mc just. explaining everything about her mother. and he just listens. and only caresses the back of her hand when she gets upset speaking.

“don’t be too hard on yourself. it’s not your fault.” that’s rich coming from mr. guilt himself! very sweet though HAHA

also alkaid being so moved by mc’s story that he spends the whole entire night gathering information from books, the police station, and his mother… then writing notes about ALL of it. just so he can try to get to the bottom of the matter.

“if you are unable to read them clearly, please let me know” okay so mr astronomy has bad handwriting? sounds typical for a stem major HAHA

alkaid telling mc what he learned from his mother about how she had been to pettman island before and how she knew about the weird phenomena.

“forget about the lighthouse. there is something more important” jump cut to mc’s room with that 'something more important' being that alkaid needs to rest. this feels exactly like alkaid’s travel event 2 where alkaid says he needs help with something urgent and that 'something urgent' being helping mc get over her art block.

touching his eyelashes is back on the menu boys!!! i love how alkaid is just. used to it by now. how often has mc done this since te2.

brushing a lock of hair behind someone’s ear is another favorite trope of mine. im going to kill alkaid for this (affectionately)

alkaid waking up the moment mc approaches him, obviously about to leave. he had a feeling mc would try to investigate shit on her own.

“between lovers, there should be no secrets” returns from white day! so cute! i also love how these two can just be totally open without any fear of judgement. even if it means telling alkaid upfront that she wants to go alone. instead of immediately getting upset, alkaid just listens to her. and wordlessly understands that he’s at high risk if he were to join.

“keep in touch with me while you’re away. and stay safe. don’t take risks” is the chad’s version of “i love you” dont @ me.

[maxverstappensflatbrim]

Show Me Yours | Matty Healy [36]

chapter thirty-six, act five: the ballad of me and my brain

masterlist

little Author's note /TW before this act begins. There's going to be alot of talk of drug use and addiction within the chapters coming, if you're not comfortable with these kinds of things please don't read.

January 14th 2017

Tommie yawns, one big loud yawn as she shuffles through her house to the front door.

Gabby grins when it’s opened and tugs her little suitcase in behind her. “Hey, babes.”

“Gabs? What are you doing here?”

Gabby sighs, “I miss my best mate, is that a crime?” She asks kicking her shoes off and lining them up neatly besides Tommie who quickly shakes her head and opens her arms for a hug, “Haven’t seen you since Christmas, I missed you.”

Tommie smiles, breathing in slowly as she accepts the hug from her friend. “Okay, I have so much planned for us, tonight is movie night, tomorrow I’m driving us to Cardiff and we’re having a shopping day, monday we’re going to go to the cinema, I haven’t decided on tuesday yet, struggling between a pamper day and a trip to a beach, but that might be too cold now I’m thinking about it.”

“Okay, let’s start with movie day-”

“Okay, but I’m picking. I cannot watch Fantastic Mr Fox again.”

“But it’s my favourite.”

“It’s the only film you watch besides Revenge of the Sith.”

“They’re good films.”

⋆｡ ﾟ☁︎｡ ⋆｡ ﾟ☾ 

The flashes are bright, too bright and she’d forgotten her sunglasses to protect herself from them.

The bag on her shoulder weighs her down more than everyone else, her laptop, books, writing books, hoodie and a pair of shoes she couldn’t fit into her suitcase make their weight known against her muscles.

Ross’ body blocks some of the light, but when he’s moved over by Jamie and towards the side her shield is gone.

The screams of teenage girls are too loud as they push against the old creaking barrier to try and get closer to Matty, he’s upfront, sunglasses and leather jacket on looking like a guy out of a Corey Hart song.

He revels in the attention whereas Tommie hates it, shying away as much as she can, hiding into the darkness of her hoodie as her hands fumble with the strap of her bag.

Then someone is breaking over the barrier, she can’t tell who gets over first, the fan or the rogue photographer.

They both shove each other, the poor teenage girl is on the floor, Tommie’s standing there above her, photographer’s camera in her face.

Without thinking she’s shoving the camera away, it clatters and smashes on the floor, hitting the girl who’s being helped up by other fans.

“Tommie! Tommie!”

Hands are gripping her from both sides of the barriers, the walkway hasn't been made big enough. Strangers are touching her and she holds her breath not to be sick right there.

“Tommie! Matty!”

Someone gripped her and pulled her into them, arms wrapped around and guiding her into the van, straight into the back.

George sits beside her, holding her hand in his lap as the rest pile in, Matty coming in last after signing a few screaming fans shirts.

Matty raises his brows as he peers over the drummer, but George shakes his head, wraps one arm around her, tugs her into his side and blocks her from the singer’s view.

“Tom.”

“Leave her be, Matty.”

“You alright?”

He ignores George and moves his arm to brush his knuckles across the top of her head, reaching around the back of George awkwardly to do it.

“Matty-”

“I’m fine.”

“You sure?”

George elbows him, giving him a look that he once again ignores. 

“I’m fine, Matt.”

Her tone is sharp, and he leans back, taking his arm away and resting his hands in his lap. “Okay, I was just asking.”

“You’re always just asking.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Ross looks between them slowly, the tension has been building between them for weeks and no one knows why.

Adam gives one harsh look to Matty and he’s pausing, shrinking back in his seat and mumbles an apology. “I jus-” He cuts himself off before he can finish the word, “I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

⋆｡ ﾟ☁︎｡ ⋆｡ ﾟ☾ 

February 21st 2017

“Just be honest with me, Jamie. Be brutal. It’s bad.”

Jamie sighs, “It can easily be fixed.” He assures, “I’m sure Matty will do something bad next week.”

She sighs and leans forward, head in her hands, Adam moving to rub up and down her back, “God, this is bad.”

“It’s fine, it’ll blow over.”

“Yeah, but I-”

“So what? Have you seen the way the Gallaghers act? Or any other mildly popular artists? People have done worse.”

She looks at the newspaper on the table. An article about her blowing off the fans at the airport, talks of assault as she’d accidentally shoved someone in a hurry to the awaiting car.

The truth was the flight had been bad, she’d been seated beside Matty, the pair still haven’t talked since he showed up at her house, and with the show after show after show routine she’d already been on edge.

It’s all falling apart. Something she used to be so good at, touring endlessly with no rest, is no longer her strong suit.

And to top it off, she hasn’t seen Button in two months, the dog has been staying with her grandparents back in South Wales to give her a break from moving around.

Usually articles like these would mean nothing to Tommie, she’d brush it aside with a half-arsed shrug.

But it's the fact they’re dragging Caleb and his band down with her, knowing the 1975 are far too popular around the world to be touched by a little article they’ve targeted Dirty Delights.

She knows they probably won’t see this. It’s a European news outlet, there’s no chance, right?

Nope.

Caleb had called her the moment it came out.

That’s why she’s panicking.

She doesn’t want to ruin Caleb’s career before it’s even begun.

George sighs, finally sitting down, “It’ll be forgotten next week. They’ll start talking about Taylor Swift again or a shitty Kardashian boob job or something, don’t worry.”

She sighs, “What if this ruins Caleb’s career?”

“What career?” Comes a snort from across the room.

Ross smiles, but it's quickly dropped when he sees the glare that Tommie is sending to Matty across the room.

“I can’t be the reason his band fails before they’ve even had the chance to start.”

“They’ve had plenty of chances, they’re the ones who's fucking up. I wouldn’t lose sleep over it.”

“Matty-” Adam tries but Tommie’s standing now.

“You’re forgetting you guys were in a band for ten years before you got the chance.”

“Yeah, but we had fans. People who’d turn up to our gigs-”

“Oh, you mean your groupies who’d give you money to suck you di-”

“Alright.” It’s Gabby who’s breaking them up, brows raised as she looks between them weirdly, she sighs as she moves to Matty pushing him back down, “Shut up.” She tells him as she moves to sit on the other side of Tommie, bringing her back down to rub her arms.

“Give it a few days, ignore it, don’t comment on it. You get things like this all the time.” 

She shrugs, picking at her jeans as she nods, “I know.”

“Never usually bothers you like this.”

“I know.”

Matty’s jaw wiggles as he watches his girlfriend comfort Tommie quietly, arms around her with Tommie resting her head on her shoulder.

The door opens then, Caleb steps in, eyes falling to his girlfriend who sits up quickly. He smiles walking over to greet her and she stands as he hugs her.

He mutters a ‘don't worry about it all, we’ll talk later’ and she nods quickly.

Then Jamie's standing too, “Come on, five minutes and you’re all on.”

On her way out he grabs her hand, “I’ll sort it.”

“Thank you.”

⋆｡ ﾟ☁︎｡ ⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ

“I’m sorry.”

Caleb shrugs as they enter their hotel room in London, he sheds his jacket hanging it on the chair and starts unlacing his shoes.

“It was all too much, everything, I-”

“Babe.”

He turns, holding his hands out for her and she slowly accepts it, “It’s okay. It’s not your fault, I know how you get.”

“How I get?”

He nods, wincing at his words of choice, “You know what I mean.”

“No, no, I don’t.”

“Well, you’re… different, Tommie.”

“Different?”

He sighs, bowing his head, “I’m not winning this no matter what I say so whatever it is you’re building up to just get it out with.”

“I just want to know what you mean.” She says, knowing full well she does in fact know what he means, and she also is in fact building up to say something. 

She sighs looking down, “I’ve always been called different, Caleb, but what does that mean?”

He sighs slowly, “You’re just… not like everyone else.” She raises a brow and he sighs, “It’s not a bad thing.”

She nods, then steps back shedding her blouse and jeans to put on her pyjamas.

“Tommie.” He says, watching her carefully, “You’re just a little more… I don’t know, sensitive I guess.”

“Sensitive?”

“Yeah. But also weirdly emotionless at the same time.” He says looking up at thought.

“I’m not different.” She says, as she glances up over his head at the mirror hanging on the wall to stare at herself. Picking apart everything, her straightened hair, the makeup still on her face, the gold necklace he got her for her birthday, the bags under her eyes, the little scar on her eyebrow from when she hit her head as a kid. It’s not her. It’s Caleb.

Straightened hair because he likes it like that, makeup left over despite how hard she’s scrubbed her face because she put so much on to hide the bags given to her by sleepless nights made no better by his comforting hands, a golden necklace replacing her favourite silver one because he caused an argument when she didn't wear it. The scar on her eyebrow he points out way too much, that he avoids touching when his fingers trace her features. 

“I’m just me.”

Caleb watches her as she climbs into bed and hangs his head, “Tommie…”

“Goodnight, Caleb. Big day tomorrow.”

taglist

@thereisaplaceintheheart, @indierockgirrl, @sofaritsalrightt, @julezs-bl0g, @eaglestar31, @sophinthealpss, @noacfemcel, @if-my-heart-bleeds, @befrwime, @fallingforel, @sexorchocolateorpillowsorclouds, @3terna15unshin3, @1975sophie1975, @thesocraticjunkiewannabe, @littlesoldierelleora, @procrastinatinglikeapro

-let me know if you want to be added :)

[runwayrunway]

No. 33 - Vietnam Airlines

@twtd11 has asked me to cover Vietnam Airlines! And also two other airlines, but those don't need mentioning in this post, because this post is about Vietnam Airlines.

Vietnam Airlines is part of a very interesting trend. Inexplicably, it is very popular for airlines to make the top of their planes blue and the bottom white. Specifically blue. But unlike the more comprehensive sort of trend like...cheatlines, or Eurowhite...this phenomenon, which I'm sure I'll come up with a catchy name for in a timely manner, never manifests the same twice.

There are a lot of examples of it, and I plan to cover all of them if I can. I've already talked about Korean Air, but other examples on the docket include KLM, TUI, Azal Azerbaijan Airlines, Aerolíneas Argentinas, Air Tahiti Nui, and of course Vietnam Airlines.

I'm not surprised that they got requested fairly early on in this blog's lifespan for the simple reason that they're very striking planes. When I first saw a Vietnam Airlines plane I'll admit it - I was pretty wowed.

I mean, just look at these planes. There is something so absurdly captivating about the blue they've chosen for their livery's primary shade, and I just can't wrap my head around it fully. Even more than other planes, it looks entirely different in different lightings, going from a sort of metallic teal to a sharp cerulean.

Of course, blue alone couldn't accomplish that. The choice to pair it with gold was really what made this livery coalesce, but once they have this gorgeous color combination, this vast untouched blue bordered by gold, the colors speak for themselves.

The emblem on the tail is very simple in terms of its shape, easy to recognize from a distance, It requires no detail save what can be expressed with negative space and thus doesn't need much to tie it into the rest of the fuselage - the gold stripe more than succeeds in making the integration smooth. It provides a large image that can be seen from far away, and I think it's both distinctive and elegant. I would say it could be improved by replacing the white with a lighter gold, but I actually did think that it was a lighter gold until I looked closer because of the crazy things this livery does with color.

Allowing the blue to take up most of the fuselage was absolutely the right move. It looks like a completely different color in every picture of it I've shown so far but it's always absolutely gorgeous. The interplay of blue, gold, and light hitting it is just spectacular to the point I've gotten this far in without even mentioning, say, the wordmark, which is fine but absolutely doesn't matter. Because this plane is a sea of whichever blue is your favorite, if you catch it at the right angle.

Nothing on this plane is detailed. Everything is large-scale, big sweeping lines and massive blocks of color, like it's all painted on with a massive brush. The logo isn't limited to the tail but it also isn't integrated into most of the fuselage. It just takes up the amount of space it takes up, not recognizing any sort of arbitrary boundary between tailfin and fuselage. There is a near absence of straight lines. Everything is curved and flowing and perfectly placed.

I hadn't been able to tell for sure if the underside of the plane was cream or white, but I have been informed that it is, in fact, a light cream. It's perfectly chosen. It lets the gold seem like the trim it is instead of a discrete block of color. It accentuates, similar to KAL's grey dividing line, but instead of facilitating a transition from blue to white it facilitates the blue's constant metamorphosis into something that's so much more than an essentially monocolor plane has any right to be.

Also, it makes the plane look a lot more fishlike, which is always good.

I think too much more detail would overwhelm this color combination, just because of how much of a statement it is upfront. It is an incredibly confident move to release a plane that clearly is trying to get away from the pack but has barely any features, and have those features it does have collide so elegantly into something so much larger than the sum of its parts.

There is a part of me that keeps fighting my conclusion, insisting to myself that it's mostly blue space, and ultimately it's inevitable. The fact that I'm having so much trouble limiting my selection of pictures because each one feels like it's a discrete different shade of blue kind of proves that to me. It's so simple, yet every single angle shows it off in a new way. If I ever saw one of these planes in person I wouldn't be able to look at anything else while it was within eyesight, and that just ultimately has to speak for itself, doesn't it?

And of course they had to put this livery on Dreamliners, too.

Grade: A

[xxcomical-loverxx]

One Piece HCs

I wanna dive into what I think it would be like to date the Strawhat men.

I had a good time making this. I might make more in the future for other OP characters. Feel free to agree and/or disagree. :)

Included: Luffy, Zoro, Sanji, Usopp, Franky, Brook, Jinbe, and Yamato

Luffy 🍖

Luffy will be a simple-minded and easy-going boyfriend.

Are you hungry? He is too. Let's get food together!

Do you need a hug? Come here!

Bored? Never with him around.

In a crisis, he's already on it before you can shout for help.

Even in the most dire of moments, he will flash you a smile and reassure you that everything will be okay.

He doesn't miss the chance to let people know you're his partner. Which can be embarrassing sometimes, but aw well. He's adorable.

With Luffy, you'll experience love that comes from a genuine, pure heart. So if you got issues, welcome to your path of healing.

Get ready to have the worst heart attacks of your life. Luffy's consistent recklessness may seem something to get used to, but he somehow manages to surprise you in ways you never believed were possible.

You can try and argue that he should be more mindful of his actions but he always laughs and say he's alright.

Zoro ⚔️🗡️

He's a solid boyfriend. Although sometimes you might find yourself... Frustrated.

He can be pretty slow in the romance department. He didn't ask you out, you did, and he probably didn't realize you had feelings for him until you confessed.

Now he's your boyfriend, this should end right? Yes, but also no.

He doesn't initiate anything, and if you're the type of person who likes for your partner to make the first move... Bestie lemme tell you something ... 😗

If you don't mind, then you'll be okay. Because even though he doesn't usually initiate affection, he won't reject you.

Whether it be a kiss, a hug, holding hands, cuddling, etc. He'll welcome it.

On the RARE occasion he initiates, it's probably because he's incredibly relaxed or drunk.

If it really bothers you, then you'll have to smack that big head of his and be upfront about it. (Okay, maybe you don't have to smack him.)

Telling him indirectly won't fix the problem because, again, HE'S DENSE.

Sanji 🚬

Sanji is not a terrible boyfriend as some fans like to believe.

If you gave him a chance, I'd say he can be an amazing and doting boyfriend. However...

If you're an easily jealous or insecure person, you might struggle a lot in this relationship.

Don't misunderstand. If you're his partner, he will be extremely loyal to you. Sanji is not a cheater, nor will he disrespect the love you have given and shown to him.

If a woman were to throw himself at him, he will politely reject her.

Just as you are dedicated to him, he will be too, and more.

There will be hiccups and misunderstandings in your relationship, but thankfully, Sanji can't stand the idea of causing you heartache.

He will work harder on himself to not act in a way that discomforts you. In turn you'll learn to trust and believe in his love.

The more you both continue to preserve, the stronger your relationship will become.

So cheer up, bestie 😄

Usopp 🤥

He may seem flaky or wobbly, but he pulls through well enough.

He's funny and loves to make you laugh.

He's attentive, making him an excellent reader of your current mood.

But don't expect him to be a protective boyfriend. With a strong, HEAVY push, you can get him to save you, but don't think he'll be too happy about it.

Still, he can't look bad in front of his partner, and his love for you is stronger than the fear of getting hurt or dying.

He'll succeed every time, but you'll never hear the end of it. In fact, every time he recounts it, there's always a new embellishment he adds to the story.

Was it only one bandit? Pfffft- now there's 20.

Franky 🤖

This man is incredibly protective and he'll look cool doing it too.

He's not treating you like a normal partner, but HIS FUTURE SPOUSE.

You may even inspire or break him from a creative block. He will return the favor with plenty of kisses and praise.

He's a traditional man, likely from being from an older generation.

He definitely named some of his inventions after you and your adorable quirks.

He's very creative in the way he leaves you gifts. Sometimes you'll find them in the most unexpected places. He always strategically places them where he knows you'll stumble upon.

Don't worry there's about 20 more you haven't discovered.

He's a hefty man, so if you sat on his shoulder all day, he wouldn't even notice.

If you're, by nature, a clumsy person. You'll give this man multiple heart attacks and a few headaches. If there are warning signs in his workshop... They're all for you.

Brook ☠️

Oh boy.

If we overlook his pervertedness and the fact that he's 90, I believe he can be an excellent partner.

He's a compassionate person who once lived a fulfilling life with his first crew, until he had to suffer long years of loneliness.

So although he may have all the time of the world, he'll know that moments with you are precious and he doesn't want to waste a single second.

Being a musician, I can imagine him composing the sweetest love songs in your name.

He'll also write you poems, but will probably ruin it with the final line being a creative way of asking to see your panties.

If you're ever in danger, his movements will be filled with urgency and he'll lose all his usual goofiness. He can't imagine himself losing someone dear to him ever again.

Get ready for a lot of bone jokes. 😃

Jinbe 🌊

In my humble opinion, Jinbe deserves more appreciation.

Not only is he wise and kind, he's emotionally intelligent.

I cannot imagine him ever yelling or shouting at you. Instead, if you're upset, he'll let you release your pent up anger and then give you a giant hug.

Falling into the water, you're the first he saves. Regardless if you know how to swim because he won't be able to calm his worried heart otherwise.

Your safety is far more important than his own. Pray for the fool who brought harm upon you as they will personally meet the old Jinbe.

Sometimes he'll talk about his past and regrets and when he realizes he's said too much, he'll apologize and say he didn't mean to ruin the mood.

If you ever wish to talk to him about your own sorrows, he'll always listen and give you some wisdom and physical comfort.

Your pain is his pain. He will carry all your burdens because he's more than strong enough to take them all..

On a lighter note, he is sooooo cuddly. You can't change my mind. He gives the best cuddles.

Yamato 👹

It's almost a given he would be an amazing boyfriend, but let's talk about it.

Yamato can be overly affectionate, most likely from the absence of it from his entire childhood.

Still, he's probably very new to this than you, but he'll actively work hard be the best partner he can.

He'll always be strong and uphold to his rebellion against Kaidou, but sometimes you'll witness his strong smile falter. A side he'll only show to you because he trusts you deeply.

Yamato has an incredibly big heart, despite being raised by such a brutal father. In showing you love, he is still continuing to actively rebel against Kaidou's cruel teachings.

Get ready to live your days off the floor. Yamato loves to carry you around. Even if you protest, he'll laugh it off and even tease you for being shy.

He'll usually be the bigger spoon, but he secretly wishes to be the smaller spoon. His giant horns prevent him from doing so because he thinks he'll poke your eye out or something.

Don't worry, you'll never have to ever meet Kaidou. Yamato would never allow him to be yards near you. If you do happen to come across him, Yamato will quickly shield you from him.

And that's all for the Strawhats! Thank you for making it to end! I probably should have cut this into two parts, but aw well. 😂

[dannyphantomarchive]

Early production deep-dive - Part 2: The new Nicktoon   

It wasn’t until October 2001, during a dinner with Nickelodeon’s executives Albie Hetch and Kevin Kay, that he would pitch the idea for Danny Phantom and end up with a deal for the pilot on the spot:

“Butch Hartman: To top it off they said, "Hey, got any other ideas?" Whoa. This was a big moment. I had Danny Phantom in my head, but I wasn't really prepared to talk about it and I had no idea they were gonna ask me this. What do I do?? Well, I did the obvious - I held my breath and dove in. So, with really nothing more than the cool name I'd thought up, and a few drawings (which I didn't even have with me, I had to describe them!) plus a few other character ideas - best friends, parents, etc. I told them about the show in about 30 seconds. There was a pause and then Albie - the big boss - said, "Can you have the pilot episode done by March?" That was it. It was sold just like that in a restaurant in October, 2001. I was floored.” (Source: https://web.archive.org/web/20080102170004/http://hometown.aol.com/zcat6/IntBH2006p3.html)

(Here’s the pitch document, written later along with Steve Marmel: https://archive.org/details/dannyphantompitch/mode/2up )

Butch once again contacted Boyle and Marmel, who were also part of the Fairly OddParents crew at the time, and together they worked on the pilot until January 2002, when Nickelodeon executive Margie Cohn, and Kevin Kay informed him that Nick was asking for 6 episodes now:

“Butch Hartman: This was huge news! Now we were officially making a series! This means we had to stop everything and regroup. We were making Danny into a series now and we really had to be aware of the progression of the characters and the expansion of Danny's world. So work commenced on building the Danny Phantom universe: Amity Park. Fenton Works. His friends, his family, what specific powers he had, etc. (Keep in mind, we were still making Fairly Oddparents at the same!) Everyone involved was awesome. We brought on character designers Shannon Tindell and Steve Silver. They pretty much came up with all the main character designers except for Danny. That was mostly me, then Steven Silver jumped in and we finalized it together. Then Shannon left and character designer Ben Balestreri was brought in. He really helped move things along, too. Everyone else involved worked really hard to make sure that - even though we were making two series' at once - both series got a 100% commitment from everyone.” (Source: https://web.archive.org/web/20080102170004/http://hometown.aol.com/zcat6/IntBH2006p3.html)

The newest Nicktoon was soon announced to the public, along with four other shows, on March 12th 2002, during the annual Nickelodeon upfront:

“Nick to Spin Off Rugrats By R.Thomas Umstead [...] Other new series set to premiere in the fall are The Adventures of Jimmy Neutron, based on the Nick film of the same name; Danny Phantom, an animated series about a kid superhero; My Neighbor Is a Teenage Robot, an animated spinoff of Nick's Oh Yeah! Cartoons;and Max and Ruby, an animated series for the network's 'Nick Jr.' preschool block. [...]” (Source: https://www.nexttv.com/news/nick-spin-rugrats-136686)

“RUGRATS SPIN-OFF AND THE ADVENTURES OF JIMMY NEUTRON: BOY GENIUS AMONG FIVE NEW ANIMATED HITS TO HEADLINE ON NICKELODEON IN 2002-03 SEASON […] Danny Phantom (6 episodes) From Butch Hartman, the creator of the hit Nicktoon The Fairly OddParents, Danny Phantom is the animated action/comedy story of 14-year-old Danny Fenton, who uses his razor-sharp wit and amazing ghost-like superpowers to transform into a teen superhero. As Danny Phantom, he thwarts the misdeeds of menacing ghosts while facing the challenges of everyday life as an otherwise ordinary kid. […] (Source: http://www.nickandmore.com/2002/03/12/nickelodeon-upfront-2002/)

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[hrhmiat]

Thoughts on Mia's blow-up at Michael in book 8

After a conversation with my friend, whose preference for being tagged here is uncertain, so I'll just keep her anonymous, but I have to give her major kudos!! (you know who you are ;)) I've just realized why Mia reacts so spastastic to the whole Judith Gershner situation.

But before diving into that, let me share my initial thoughts before coming to the realization and understanding of Mia's outburst: When I reached that part in the book, I couldn't comprehend why she reacted so strongly. I mean, I knew sex and losing her virginity was a big deal to her, but the thought never crossed my mind of the reverse. If Michael had had sex with anyone else. I mean, I honestly didn't think Michael had it in him, tbh. lol. (but then again, he's a hot nerd so who can blame him) Was I just as shocked as Mia? YES!!!! YES, I WAS!!! Also, I don't think Michael even handled it well. He was just so not sensitive in parts of their conversation. but then again, Mia was freaking out, and that, in turn, threw him off. (Also, he's what, 19?) Though, he did keep his cool for the most part .... till the very end where he lost his cool for a second. In fairness, Mia was going crazy.... with crazy eyes, as he pointed out. He was worried about her; he had never seen her so upset before. I think Michael *knew* this would happen, that THIS would upset Mia. That's why he didn't come right out and tell her. And like he said, it's not like Mia asked about it. I think if Mia asked, he would have been upfront with her. He's not a liar. How was Michael supposed to know that Mia treasured her "precious gift" of virginity? She never talked about it with him. I don't think they talked a whole lot about sex because she was uncomfortable with it, and Michael wasn't going to push her (only push the boundaries with his hands when they wandered in their makeout sessions.) Sure, they had their three-month "talk," religiously but that was more or less like... Mia:"I'm not ready" Michael: "Fine. We'll reconvene in three months." It's not like Helen goes around preaching abstinence. I get not wanting your daughter to have sex at 14 and telling her she should wait, but that isn't the same as what Mia was reading in Tina's books about purity, and you're only worth is your virginity crap. Like I think if Helen knew what Mia was reading she'd have a serious sit down heart-to-heart with her daughter and tell her she's worthy no matter what. Those books did so much damage to Mia!!!! I think when Michael was fooling around with Judith, he was upset that Mia liked Kenny, not him. He was upset at himself that he didn't make his move at the movies and ultimately upset that he fell for his little sister's best friend, a girl who should more or less be like a sister to him, but he's gone and fallen hard for her. I think he was at a very low point when he and Judith were studying. Did he make the first move? Did Judith? I honestly think Judith did since she had a boyfriend. Did Michael regret being with Judith after? Abso-fucking-lutely! Why else would he try and forget about it? "It was before you and I even started going out...." (I didn't want to think about how stupid I was for being so upset you didn't like me) "I didn't think- I mean, it was so long ago-" (yeah... I didn't think you liked me.... so I slept with her.... and now I'm trying to block it out of my memory, Mia) Another thing is, I think Michael honestly forgot as time went on... like in his mind, it was just a fact that he slept with Judith and thought at some point he had told Mia since Michael said with a straight face and no hesitation, "No, of course not. You know that" after Mia asked him, "are you not a virgin?" Then, when Mia was like, "NOOOOO, I DID NOT KNOW THAT!" He got VERY aware, VERY quickly, that they had NOT talked about his past because he knew she was jealous of that person and didn't want to upset her. I think if they were THAT serious about having sex in the past, I think Michael would have told her, but he knew she was never serious, so why bring it up if she didn't want to discuss it with him?

Anyway... I've always sided with Michael and Lilly on this one—why the heck did Mia explode the way she did?

Well, the discovery dawned on me that while Mia was struggling to process Michael's surprise news about him leaving for Japan for a year OR MORE, the discovery that he's not a virgin, a detail he's kept hidden from her throughout their relationship, triggered her beyond her capacity. I truly think it took her back to when the other people she trusted in the whole world (Her mom and dad) had betrayed her trust when they told her she was a princess. Not saying this is as shocking as her parents lying about her being a princess all her life, but she trusted Michael and he betrayed her trust by not telling her one of THE most important thing she cares about. This is why she said he lied (even though he didn't). Omitting the truth is the same thing to her. Anyway, let me know your thoughts if you disagree or agree or want to add anything else that I missed! Loved to hear everyone else's thoughts!

[egcdeath]

yayy i'm so glad you liked the idea of patrick in big little lies neptune. i have so many more thoughts, but just gonna put a spoiler warning here for anyone who hasn't seen the show/read the book but is interested in doing so :)

I hundred percent do believe it would take a toll on both you and patrick, mostly because I think you may just want a peaceful life (like you moved there for the beach and to have a good school for your daughter, not for drama) and well patrick is a hot head! like really all it takes is one passive aggressive statement from someone in the neighborhood to piss him off and you don't want that. i imagine reader is very very frustrated with herself for not being able to write anything she likes at the moment (relatable bahaha) and just wants some peace to really push herself through her writer's block. she knows this won't happen if patrick is picking fights with anyone who says anything that upsets him. Of course she does thinks a lot of what they say and do is annoying and unnecessary, but she is rather indirect in her insults to them, not wanting any out right confrontation on the spot.

I think this would cause some tension between reader and patrick because he wouldn't understand why she's behaving this way or why's she mad when he reacts the way he does.

"why tf do you care what they think"

"i don't, i just don't want any problems patrick"

"i'm not the one starting them, if they're the ones acting like that!"

"you know what i mean"

variations of this on and on, and regardless it always gets resolved because it's always something small, i think that would completely change once your daughter starts getting hurt.

again patrick is the hothead so I think he is the one who is instantly upset (like that's his little girl, does anyone really think he is just going to sit down and let it happen). i can so imagine him taking a position like renata and being so quick to blame ziggy and jane and being so verbally angry and upset about everything. in comaprison, i think reader is equally upset and angry but just not vocal about it. she wants to figure out who is doing this before instantly pinning the blame on any one person and just wants her daughter to be safe

now these arguments about how they react to the people around town are completely different and much more pressing, because your daughter is getting hurt and you guys still don't know who is doing it. there is no coming to some quick resolution with this

-🫀

i loveee the idea of you and patrick only really seeing each other in pretty low stress periods of your life (like both of you having stability in your careers with you writing/publishing your first book and it doing well & with patrick having the stability of being in a steady relationship, having a strong career, and support from his family), so when you get to monterey and shit starts hitting the fan, you’re both kinda surprised by the ways you start acting. like you always knew patrick was a hot head, but you didn’t realize JUST how bad it could be, and i think patrick would be surprised by how much you start receding back into yourself in periods of high stress (which he doesn’t love, since he’s someone who values being really honest and upfront about feelings). all of that to say these two are not equipped at all for monterey, let alone for their beloved daughter to start being bullied!

like you said, i think that you two have such different ways you go about dealing with your annoying neighbors and the other parents at the school. like patrick refuses to let shit slide and WILL go confront whoever he needs to (i just keep thinking about that scene where nathan tries to apologize to ed and he just rejects it lmao), but you get annoyed with them but kinda let it go. at first you would rant to patrick about something shady one of the moms said to you, thinking you’re just venting in confidence, but he ends up confronting one of the husbands about that very thing. that would absolutely be another point of tension because obviously you love patrick but you don’t know if you can vent to him without him running off and cussing someone out and in a place like monterey you simply need to be a united front!

i also feel like you and patrick would be on the younger side of the parents there which kinda makes it hard for everyone else to take you guys seriously. i just think it would be a struggle in general for you guys. you kinda want to move but the location is good for school and you guys have such a beautiful house in such an amazing location that you don’t know if you want to give it up so easily.

again, i think that would be another issue for the two of you. patrick is such an impulsive character that as soon as things go sideways he’s like… we need to leave. and you’re like ?? we just uprooted our entire lives to come here.

anyway. once your daughter starts getting bullied tensions would REALLY boil over. you can really empathize with jane even though you don’t know her very well & you don’t want to jump to any conclusions and that completely boggles patrick’s mind. i totally agree with you drawing that comparison with renata because i don’t think there’s any world where patrick would just let it slide and he immediately would start blaming jane and ziggy for what’s happening.

obviously you share a common goal of not wanting your daughter to be attacked at school but you just go about things sooo differently that the tensions are really high.

also… i just realized that they probably both are at home most of the time since patrick is retired and you’re a writer. can you imagine the constant simmer of tensions between them that occasionally boils over??? and i’m sure that initially they were like yayyy we’ll both be home and living in this beautiful place with these amazing opportunities for our daughter and it is so not that 😭

also also, girldad patrick my beloved!!