#just realized it's been a year since I first tried patreon...

[gotchibam]

WAH thank you sm for the help & support so far!!! ;_; I wasn't really expecting much help right away so I was surprised but thank you!! It helped a lot esp. w/ the loans I've had to pay ;;

I still have a lot of stuff to catch up on so I hope you guys can be patient w/ me 🙏I've opened patreon as a way to earn & also as motivation to finish my backlog. Tbh it's still overwhelming when I think about the backlog of work I have to do (it's a lot...) but hopefully I'll get things done eventually. For now I'm working on the preview for my patreon promo post so have this very messy & illegible wip for now:

My page is now live here if anyone would like to check it out :)

[unabashegirl]

my best friend's dad | part 1

Y/N and Scarlett Styles are best friends in college. They share everything even their plans for Spring Break. They have a trip to Bahamas planned. Everything takes a turn when Scarlett is unable to fly, and Y/N is forced to coexist and interact with Scarlett's dad.

Author's note: hello everyone, i hope you are all having a lovely night. As promised, here is a two-part one shot. I tried to make it one part, but as I wrote I realized I needed to give more context and build up the tension between Harry and Y/N.

check out my patreon (starting at $2) and get full access to the second part (+4K words) and much more :) thank you beforehand!

word count: 6.9K

warnings: talk about smut

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From the very first day, Y/N had doubts about the career she had chosen to study in college. To be truthful, she had picked journalism because she admired how polished the reporters looked on the news. Her uncertainty vanished the moment she met Scarlett Styles at the end of her freshman year. Meeting Scarlett made it all worthwhile. They met in one of those classes that was just a filler for the syllabus, where no one ever attended and the professor didn’t seem to care, giving everyone the same grade.

Since freshman year, they had been inseparable. Y/N admired Scarlett in many ways. She loved how Scarlett stood up for what she believed was right, fighting with grace and facts. Scarlett influenced Y/N and helped her gain the confidence she lacked. She was much different from her freshman self.

"Alright, what do you think?" Y/N asked as she finished tying the side strings of her bikini bottoms. "Be honest." Y/N had Facetimed Scarlett for the approval of her outfits for their upcoming trip.

"Love it. That's definitely your color. How many are you taking?" Scarlett was in England, having flown back home to see her grandma and meet her youngest cousin before flying to the Caribbean to meet Y/N.

"Ten?" Y/N asked as she wrapped her bathrobe around herself and slipped off the red bikini she had just tried on. "Is that too much?"

"I think that's too little," Scarlett giggled. "I think that's all we’re going to wear for those two weeks."

"Crap," Y/N said, pursing her lips as she looked for more options. "The rest of my bikinis are too skimpy. I might have to buy more."

"Just take those," Scarlett rolled her eyes, looking at her best friend through her phone. "Stop spending money. Your mom is going to have a heart attack when she sees the credit card bill."

"I can't! They're too tiny! Your dad is going to be there," Y/N complained as she held up one of the smallest bikinis. "I want to make a good impression. He’s going to think I’m a whore."

"Please! My dad is probably going to be locked up in the house, designing and drawing. We’re barely going to see him."

"Fine, but you have to stick up for me when he kicks me out of the rental for nudity," Y/N said, laughing along with Scarlett, who knew her father was likely too busy to pay attention to their outfits, even on vacation.

Y/N continued her packing, occasionally glancing at the screen to see Scarlett’s reactions. After sorting through a few more outfits, she plopped down on her bed with a sigh.

"I'm so excited," Y/N said, smiling at Scarlett. "A much-needed break."

"From all the partying," Scarlett laughed. "I'm actually looking forward to some quiet time away from all the nonsense."

"Have you talked to him? Has he texted you?" Y/N asked, referring to Scarlett's boyfriend, Henry. They had a fallout two days before the break when Scarlett told him he couldn’t go to the Bahamas with them.

"He's still giving me the cold shoulder," Scarlett shrugged, trying to act like she wasn't hurt, but Y/N could read her too easily. She could tell Scarlett was hurt and disappointed. "I’m just not ready for him to meet my dad. Why is it so hard for him to understand? He means everything to me. I don't bring every guy I date to meet my dad. It's disrespectful."

Henry and Scarlett had started going out four months ago after meeting at a dorm party.

"His reaction is very childish if you ask me," Y/N said. She could tell that they weren't going to last. Scarlett hated being restrained or forced to do something she didn’t agree with. "He’s your dad. You choose when is the right time to meet him."

"I feel like he's just using the excuse of meeting my dad to tag along on the trip," Scarlett revealed. "Why would he want to meet him when we’ve only just met?" Y/N nodded; she had thought about it too but had refrained from saying it.

"Time will only tell, Scar." Her best friend only nodded. After they hung up, Y/N felt a mixture of excitement and nerves. She finished packing and went straight to bed.

The day of the trip finally arrived. Y/N was getting some much-needed coffee and a snack when she was interrupted by a call from Scarlett.

"I'll never understand why people can be so slow through the TSA—"

"Y/N, please don’t kill me," she interrupted, her voice filled with urgency. Scarlett had a knot in her throat.

"What? What happened?"

"They aren't letting me board the plane. My passport expires in less than six months." She was embarrassed; nothing like this had ever happened to her. Scarlett usually checked everything multiple times. However, the one time she hadn’t was last night. "I've talked with my dad, and he's calling some people, but I'm going to miss my flight and probably the first week of the trip until I can renew it."

Y/N couldn’t believe what she was hearing. It felt as if someone had thrown a bucket of ice-cold water on her. She was disappointed and felt like crying.

"Y/N? Are you still there?"

"Y-yeah," she cleared her throat, noticing that the barista was calling out to her. It was her turn to order. Y/N stepped aside and allowed the next person to go before her. She was no longer thirsty or hungry. "So, I’m just going to find someone to get my luggage back and go home."

"What? You aren’t going to get on the plane? Why not?"

"What am I going to do without you?"

"Relax, read a book, listen to music, get a tan and a massage, and wait until next week for me to get there. Don’t be silly," Scarlett stated the obvious. She was just calling to let Y/N know the reason for her absence, but that didn’t mean the entire trip was canceled. She was just going to be late.

"I don’t know, Scar…"

"I am not taking no for an answer, Y/N. You spent way too much money on your seat on that plane. You opted out of eating quite a few times just to be able to afford it. My dad is already there, so you won’t be completely alone."

Y/N sighed, feeling torn between her disappointment and Scarlett's insistence. "Okay, you’re right," she finally conceded. “but please hurry up”

“I will. I’ll miss you,” Scarlett replied. “I promise I’ll get on the flight first out as soon as I get my passport sorted. In the meantime, just try to enjoy yourself. It’s the Caribbean, after all.”

Y/N nodded, taking a deep breath, trying to normalize her pulse after the panic attack that she had started having.

“I’ll try my best.”

“That's the spirit. Give my dad a hug for me and have a safe flight. Text me when you land”

“Love you. Bye”

After hanging up, Y/N forced herself to focus on the positive. The trip was a chance to unwind, and she needed to make the best out of it. She ordered her coffee, though her appetite hadn’t quite returned and headed towards her gate.

Y/N boarded the plane and found her seat and after stowing her carry- on, she settled into the window seat, gazing out at the bustling airport below.

Just as she was about to pull out her book, a tall, handsome man appeared beside her. "Looks like I'm your seatmate," he said with a friendly smile, gesturing to the seat next to her.

Y/N smiled back, noticing his warm hazel eyes and easygoing demeanor. "Great, nice to meet you," she replied.

"I'm Anthony," he introduced himself, extending a hand.

“Y/N," she said, shaking his hand. "Nice to meet you too."

As the plane took off, they struck up a conversation. Anthony was friendly and easy to talk to, and Y/N found herself enjoying his company. They talked about their reasons for going to the Bahamas, shared travel stories, and laughed about the little quirks of airplane travel.

"So, what's bringing you to the Bahamas?" Anthony asked after the plane reached cruising altitude.

"I'm meeting a best friend for spring break," Y/N explained. "She got held up with a passport issue, so I’m flying solo for now."

"That’s a bummer," Anthony said sympathetically, “I am also heading there for spring break with some friends. Maybe we’ll run into each other again. What are your plans for the trip?”

“A bit of everything, I guess. Relaxing, exploring and trying out some local food. You?”

“Pretty much the same. We’re staying at a resort, but I’m hoping to see more than just the touristy spots. I’ve heard the local culture is amazing.”

They continued chatting, sharing their interests and dreams. Anthony told her about his job in marketing, his love for surfing, and his plans to travel more. Y/N opened up about her studies, her passion for writing, and her excitement for the upcoming trip.

As the plane began its descent, Anthony turned to her with a smile. “Let me give you my number. In case you ever want to join us”.

"Sure," Y/N said, smiling back. She handed him her phone, and he quickly entered his contact information.

“Feel free to text me if you want to hang out” Anthony said, hanging her phone back. “And if you ever want to try surging. I am your guy”

"I might take you up on that," Y/N said, slipping her phone into her bag.

Once the plane landed, they gathered their belongings and headed towards baggage claim together. "It was really nice meeting you," Y/N said as they reached the terminal.

"You too, Y/N. Have a great time, and hopefully, I’ll see you around."

"Definitely," Y/N replied, giving him a wave as they went their separate ways.

Scarlett had arranged for a driver to pick them up, so after she collected her luggage, she met with him by the exit doors of the airport.

As Y/N exited the bustling airport, she was greeted by a warm, tropical breeze and the vibrant colors of the Bahamas. Her driver, a cheerful man named Marcus, welcomed her with a friendly smile and helped load her luggage into a sleek black SUV. Once she was settled in the backseat, they set off toward the villa where she would be staying with Scarlett’s dad.

The drive began with a stretch through Nassau’s lively streets, brimming with a mix of local culture and tourist attractions. Y/N watched as vendors sold fresh fruits and handmade crafts from colorful stalls, and locals mingled with visitors in an atmosphere buzzing with energy. The smell of jerk chicken and conch fritters wafted through the air, making her stomach rumble in anticipation.

As they left the city behind, the scenery shifted to a more serene landscape. Palm trees lined the roads, their fronds swaying gently in the breeze. The vibrant turquoise waters of the Caribbean Sea came into view, sparkling under the bright midday sun. Y/N marveled at the clarity of the water, so inviting that she could hardly wait to dive in.

They passed through quaint villages with charming pastel-colored houses, each with its own unique character. Children played in the yards, and neighbors chatted over fences, giving the area a warm, community feel. Y/N felt a sense of calm wash over her as they continued along the coastal road.

Y/N nodded, taking mental notes of places to explore once Scarlett arrived. The drive continued, and the road wound through lush tropical forests, alive with the sounds of chirping birds and rustling leaves. The scent of blooming flowers filled the air, adding to the sensory delight.

As they neared the villa, the landscape became even more picturesque. The road led them up a gentle hill, providing breathtaking views of the ocean and the surrounding islands. The sun was beginning to dip lower in the sky, casting a golden glow over everything.

Finally, they arrived at the villa. It was a stunning, two-story retreat perched on a cliff overlooking the sea. The architecture blended modern elegance with tropical charm, featuring large windows, spacious balconies, and a thatched roof. The garden was a paradise of vibrant flowers, exotic plants, and a sparkling infinity pool that seemed to merge with the ocean beyond.

Marcus helped Y/N with her bags and guided her inside. The interior of the villa was just as impressive as the exterior. The open-plan living area was filled with natural light, and decorated in soothing, coastal hues of blue and white. Comfortable, stylish furniture invited relaxation, and the large glass doors opened onto a terrace with panoramic ocean views.

That’s when she heard a heavy British accent say, “she is here. I’ll call you later. Let me know what they say. I love you”

Harry, Scarlett’s dad appeared from upstairs. “You must be Y/N” he said, walking over to her. “I am Harry. Welcome to our little paradise”. To say that Y/N’ was beyond surprised was an understatement. Slightly sunburned from a day in the Caribbean sun, his skin had taken on a warm, reddish hue that only accentuated his natural good looks. He was shirtless, revealing a toned, athletic build, with tattoos peeking from various places on his chest and arms. His swim trunks hung low on his hips, showcasing a casual, relaxed style. Harry’s tousled hair, still damp from a recent swim, fell in soft curls around his face, and he wore a pair of sunglasses that added a touch of mystery to his striking appearance. His easy smile and confident demeanor made him all the more attractive, embodying the perfect blend of laid-back island vibes

She had expected someone older and more conventional, not the youthful, charismatic man before her. He looked far too young to have a college-aged daughter.

“Hi,” Y/N replied, feeling a bit fluster. “Thank you for having me, Mr. Styles. It’s so beautiful here.”

“Call me Harry” He laughed softly, a sound as charming as his smile. “I hope you’ll feel at home”.

As he spoke, Y/N couldn’t help but notice the easy confidence with which he carried himself was undeniably attractive.

She suddenly felt self-conscious, acutely aware of her travel-worn clothes and the fact that she probably smelled like the airplane. She smoothed her hair, hoping she didn't look as tired as she felt.

Harry seemed to sense her unease. "Long flight?" he asked kindly.

"Yeah, a bit," Y/N admitted, feeling a little dirty and disheveled beside him.

"Well, I can imagine you might want to freshen up. Your room has a great view and a nice big bathroom. Why don't you get settled in, and we'll have some lunch out here later?"

"That sounds perfect," Y/N said, grateful for his understanding.

Harry gave her a reassuring nod. "If you need anything, just let me know. Scarlett speaks very highly of you."

"Thank you," Y/N said, touched by his kindness. "I really appreciate it."

As she turned to head to her room, she caught herself glancing back at Harry, who had returned to lounging by the pool. His relaxed posture and the way he effortlessly fit into the tropical surroundings only added to his allure. Y/N shook her head, trying to focus. She was here to enjoy a vacation with her best friend, not get distracted by her best friend's dad, no matter how attractive and intriguing he was.

Once in her room, Y/N took a deep breath and started unpacking. The luxurious surroundings helped her relax, and as she stepped into the shower, she let the cold water wash away the travel grime and her lingering nerves. She knew this trip was going to be full of surprises, and meeting Harry was just the first of many.

After a refreshing shower, Y/N felt revitalized and ready to embrace the beauty of the Bahamas. She rummaged through her suitcase, deciding on an outfit for the evening. With a bit of confidence restored, she picked out a vibrant bikini that Scarlett had convinced her to buy. It was a flattering shade of coral that accentuated her curves and complemented her complexion. The bikini top offered just the right amount of support, enhancing her figure without being too revealing.

She took her time getting ready, applying a light layer of sunscreen and letting her hair dry naturally into soft waves. Y/N gave herself one last approving look in the mirror, feeling much better than she had after the flight. She slipped into a flowy cover-up and grabbed her favorite book before heading downstairs.

As she walked through the villa, she could hear the faint sound of music and the gentle hum of conversation from the terrace. Stepping outside, she saw Harry lounging by the pool, sipping a drink and reading something on his tablet. He looked up as she approached, his eyes widening slightly as he took in her appearance.

“Better?”

Y/N nodded, feeling a rush of warmth feeling embarrassed by her appearance earlier.

“I though I’d take your advice and relax by the pool for a bit.” As she placed her book on the sunbed, just so she could let her cover-up slip off, revealing her bikini. Harry’s appreciative gaze didn’t go unnoticed and she felt a surge of confidence.

“Good” he replied, gesturing to the sunbed next to his. “I hope you applied some sunscreen. The sun here is ruthless”

“I did” She smiled and settled onto the sunbed, feeling the warmth of the sun on her skin. She opened her book, trying to focus on the words, but she couldn't help but steal glances at Harry. He was even more attractive up close, with his sun-kissed skin and the tattoos that peeked out from his swim trunks. The way he effortlessly exuded confidence and charm was captivating.

"Good book?" Harry asked, breaking her reverie.

"Yeah, it is," Y/N said, trying to sound casual. "I’ve been meaning to finish it for a while.”

"What's it about?" he asked, genuinely interested.

"It’s a mystery novel," she explained, holding up the cover for him to see. "Keeps me on my toes.”

They fell into a comfortable silence, the sound of the waves and the tropical breeze creating a soothing backdrop. Y/N felt a sense of contentment she hadn't expected. The rest of their first day was spent by the pool. Harry excused himself after dinner to work. On the other hand Y/N stayed outside to watch the sunset on her own.

“What are you working on?” Y/N asked the next day as she noticed Harry picking up his tablet and stylus.

“Designing a new building” Harry was the owner of an architectural firm. He spent most of his days, leaned over his design table, drawing.

“What kind of building is it?” Y/N said, genuinely impressed.

"It’s a mixed-use development," Harry replied, turning the tablet so she could see the screen. "It’s going to have retail spaces on the lower levels and residential units above. The idea is to create a community where people can live, work, and play all in one place."

Y/N leaned in closer, sliding her sunglasses down, admiring the detailed sketches and blueprints. “What’s your vision for it?”

Harry’s eyes lit up as he began to explain. “The design focuses on sustainability and integrating green spaces. There will be rooftop gardens, lots of natural light, and energy-efficient systems. I’m trying to create something that not only looks good but also feels good to live in.”

Y/N could hear the passion in his voice as he spoke, and she was fascinated by his creativity. “It sounds truly special”

“I hope it is” Harry said, smiling appreciatively.

Y/N watched as Harry continued to draw, the lines and shapes forming into intricate designs under his skilled hand. "How did you get into architecture?"

“I’ve always loved drawing and building things," Harry said, leaning back and gazing at the horizon. “When I was a kid, I’d spend hours with sketchbooks. It just felt natural to pursue architecture. I studied it in college and worked my way up through different firms before starting my own. How about you? What are you majoring in?" Harry asked, his tone genuinely curious.

Y/N frowned slightly, feeling a twinge of disappointment that she didn't share the same passion for her career choice as he did. "Journalism," she replied with a hint of hesitation, her gaze momentarily drifting away. She took a deep breath, feeling a pang of uncertainty as she compared her own career path to Harry's evident passion for architecture.

"It's... it's something I chose because I thought it would be interesting," she admitted, her voice tinged with a mix of honesty and self-reflection. "But lately, I've been feeling like maybe it's not what I'm truly passionate about."

Harry listened attentively, his expression thoughtful. "I understand," he said gently. “It’s okay. You are still young and it takes time to find that passion. Have you though about what inspires you?”

Y/N nodded, grateful for his understanding. "I've always enjoyed writing and telling stories," she admitted. "But I haven't found that one thing that really lights a fire in me, like architecture does for you."

Harry smiled warmly. “Don’t beat yourself up for it. You still got a long way ahead of you and sometimes that passion reveals itself unexpectedly” he said.

Y/N felt a weight lift off her shoulders as she listened to Harry's encouraging words. She realized that she didn't have to have everything figured out right away. This trip, with its new experiences and conversations like this one, was already helping her see things from a different perspective.

After a while, Harry put down his tablet and stretched. "I think it’s time for a swim down at the beach. Care to join me?”

Y/N hesitated for a moment but then nodded. "Sure, why not?"

They made their way through a winding path bordered by lush foliage, leading to a secluded stretch of beach that seemed untouched by the usual tourist crowds. The soft sand greeted their feet as they approached the water's edge, the gentle lapping of the waves creating a soothing soundtrack. Harry glanced around with a smile.

“Breathtaking as always” he remarked, gesturing to the pristine beach.

Y/N nodded in agreement, feeling a sense of tranquility wash over her. The beach was indeed stunning, with its turquoise waters and powdery white sand stretching into the distance. It felt like a hidden paradise, far removed from the hustle and bustle of everyday life.

"I can see why Scarlett loves it here," Y/N said, taking in the beauty of the surroundings.

The next day dawned with a soft, rosy glow creeping over the horizon, painting the sky in hues of pink and gold. Harry woke before the sun, as was his routine, slipping on his running gear quietly so as not to disturb the peacefulness of the villa. He tiptoed downstairs, the floor cool under his feet, and headed for the front door. As he passed through the living room, he glanced out onto the terrace.

There, on one of the sunbeds, Y/N lay curled up under a blanket, her silhouette softened by the early morning light. She had fallen asleep waiting for the sunrise, her peaceful expression making her look even more serene. Harry couldn't help but smile at the sight, feeling a warmth spread through his chest. He found it endearing

Resisting the urge to wake her, Harry quietly slipped outside and started his jog along the quiet streets. The rhythmic pounding of his footsteps helped clear his mind, but try as he might, thoughts of Y/N kept intruding. He couldn't shake the image of her in that attractive bikini, her laughter echoing in his mind from the day before. It wasn't just her physical beauty that captivated him; it was her warmth, her intelligence, and the easy way they connected.

Feeling a pang of guilt, Harry quickened his pace, pushing himself harder. He hadn't expected to be so affected by Y/N's presence, and he chastised himself for dwelling on thoughts that felt inappropriate given their relationship. He had spent the previous day enjoying her company, sharing stories, and learning about her dreams and ambitions. Yet, now he found himself unable to shake the attraction he felt towards her.

By the time he returned to the villa, the sun was fully risen, casting a bright light over the tropical landscape. Harry took a deep breath, trying to steady his thoughts as he cooled down. He decided to take a cold shower, hoping the shock of cold water would help clear his mind. As he stood under the refreshing spray, he couldn't help but feel ashamed of his inner turmoil. He didn't want to complicate things or make Y/N uncomfortable during their time together.

He just couldn’t get that damn bikini off his mind. The one she had wore the day before. The red color complemented her sun-kissed skin beautifully, accentuating her curves in all the right places. His hand creeped down and grabbed throbbing cock, trying get some release from the torture that he was experiencing. Her confidence and natural grace shone through, making her even more captivating. He admired the way she moved with a relaxed elegance, her laughter and smiles lighting up the surroundings. Every detail, from the way her hair fell in gentle waves to the sparkle in her eyes as she talked animatedly, only added to her allure.

He couldn’t help imagining her naked, under him, moaning, begging for him. Harry though about how deliciously tight and warm she could feel around him. He thought about how she would taste and his mouth water. He didn’t last long. As he allowed the water to wash him off, he couldn’t help feeling ashamed. Ashamed that he was acting like a schoolboy. He was forty-four years old and fantasizing about his daughter's best friend while she slept downstairs.

part 2

[monstersflashlight]

Patreon Commission for anon

Request: Could you do something about a reader who was cursed by a witch/wizard to not be able to feel any passion/pleasure until they touch their soulmate? Either the witch is their mate and didn't realize, or just like a random monster idk. Can be SFW or NSFW, up to you. Thank you!!

A/N: This was more painful than anticipated because I took it a step further, hope that’s okay, ended up very sweet. Enjoy the angst, I guess. :)

Touch repellent

Wizard x fem!reader || sfw, hurt/comfort, lots of banter

It takes you two years to realize there’s something wrong with you.

Every time you touch or are touched, your body reaction is utter disgust. At first you don’t sweat it, weird people made you react like that before… But then you try to kiss a girl and your whole body rejects the feeling, nausea filling your throat until you want to puke. You walk to your house completely confused, not knowing what is wrong with you.

You spend the next couple weeks testing your theory, and every time you touch somebody, the same happens. Disgust fills your body until you are almost shivering, your body reacting badly to every single touch. Even worse, if the intentions are romantic or sexual. Which sucks, because you want to kiss pretty ladies and boys.

So you do what you didn’t want to do. You go back home to look for help. To the place you remember being happy for the last time. To the place you felt like you were alive and touch still feel like a part of you. Where you could hug your mom and feel happy about it, where you could pat your friends in the back and feel the camaraderie… You needed to have that back. You don’t know what’s wrong with you, but you need it back, you want to feel normal, to be able to touch people and enjoy it again…

Even if he’s there.

He, as in, your wizard childhood friend who you haven’t seen since you left. He insisted on you cutting ties if you decided to leave, and you couldn’t do anything to argue with him. It hurt. It hurt more than anything to leave him behind, it hurt even worse than feeling awful every time someone touched you. Leaving him behind was like tearing a part of you, but he rejected you, and you couldn’t be there without feeling the pain every time you looked.

So you left.

And you hurt.

But now, back home and knocking on his door to seek answers to a question you didn’t know how to formulate, your whole body is shivering in anticipation. That never happened before. It’s like your soul is reaching out to touch him, to seek him. And the second he opens the door and lets you in, you feel calmer than you have felt in a very long, long time.

When he reaches out to shake your hand, as if you didn’t know everything about the other until you left, you don’t get the usual anguish or disgust. It feels different. Better. It feels like everything in the world is okay again just by that simple gesture.

And then it clicks.

All those years ago, when you left him. When you walked away after he asked you to stay and you knew you couldn’t because he didn’t love you like that. Because you knew your feelings were unrequited…

“It was you!” You scream, a threatening finger pointing in his direction, pushing his chest until he’s against the wall and you are fuming with pent up anger.

He has the audacity to act surprised, and that only makes you angrier. “What do you mean?” He tries to fake, not moving, his back against the wall as he looks down at you. You hate (lie) that he’s so tall, that he’s looking down on you even when you are furious with him.

“I haven’t been able to do anything, to feel anything… Every time I touched another being, I could only feel disgust… And now I touch you and it feels warm, and cozy, it feels like coming home…” Your words leave a bitter taste in your tongue, the realization of what happened settling uncomfortably inside your chest.

The asshole smirks. “It does?” You want to punch him in the face.

“You cursed me!” You accuse, the pain in your voice making his smirk deflate.

He looks at you with confusion and a hint of anger, but you don’t back down, fully aware that you are right, because your palm is against his chest, and you aren’t feeling disgust. It only feels warm and content. It only feels incredible and like anything you’ve ever felt before.

“I…” He hesitates. “I did,” he finally admits, looking ashamed for the first time since you entered. Your hand finds his neck, not pressing, not hurting, just resting there as a threat (but not really).

“Why would you do that? Why would you want me to feel disgust upon touching others?” You try not to sound pained by it, but it hurts, your eyes filled with tears. It hurts that not only he rejected you, but he hated you that much that he couldn’t even let you be happy with others.

“Because… Because I…” He stutters. “Because I loved you,” his voice sounds like a surrender, and your brain short-circuits.

You aren’t expecting his response and your hold on his neck releases a little. “What?” You aren’t sure if you feel more surprised or betrayed. He loved you?

He’s still struggling to talk, stuttering, but he explains: “I could sense that you were my mate, but you couldn’t... And you were so fixated in others, in going away from me, enjoying others… I just… I wanted you to suffer a tiny fraction of what I felt. So I cursed you.” He sounds completely defeated, and your soul hurts for him. Hurts for you. For the misunderstanding. For the way you two suffered because he was stupid (and okay, maybe you were, too).

“Why didn’t you just say something, you stupid shit?” You yell at him, your hand pressing down on his chest as the other curls around the side of his neck, almost a caress. “I thought you didn’t want me!” That part leaves you breathless, the anger slipping out of you and leaving your body trembling and defeated.

It’s his turn to look at you, perplexed. “What?”

“I loved you, too, you stupid maroon! I was so in love with you it hurt to be near you. But you never acted on it even though we were mates, that’s why I left!” You don’t want to scream, but the last part comes out a bit high pitched and painful. Like there’s spikes in your throat, and when you look up and meet his eyes, it only hurts worse.

“But you… You always talked about others and I…” His voice is barely a whisper, as if he never even thought of the possibility of you loving him back. Of you understanding what mates were… Stupid wizard.

You pinch his nipple through his shirt until he shuts up and lets out a yelp. “You were a stupid wizard who didn’t know how to read the room. I was trying to make you jealous, so you would act on it. And you didn’t, so I left,” you explain when he only stares at you, confusion clear in his features.

But when he processes your words, he only lets out a little: “Oh.”

And you have enough of his bullshit.

“Ugh you are so fucking stupid,” and that’s all you tell him before your hands are grabbing his long hair and pulling him to you, your mouths crashing as you devour his mouth as you have wanted for so long. “You are going to pay for every single touch I missed,” you tell him between kisses and bites.

He whines, whispering: “Yes, yes. Anything you want… mate.”

And then he kisses you again.

[heliosail]

Get the game for free! Patreon Itchio Gumroad GameJolt

Heliosail is Finally Here

Words cannot possibly capture how I am feeling today. I am joyous, overwhelmed, proud, humbled, and terrified all at once. This game is, in many ways, a very personal reflection of my heart and soul. I could have released it years ago, when it was "playable" for the first time, but I held back. I knew that it had not yet bloomed into the rose that I could see within it. 

This game has changed me in a profound way over the years I've devoted to it. When I started this process, I was in my mid twenties, severely depressed, being entirely supported by my father, and completely unable to see a future for myself. Since that time, I have moved halfway across the country, put my depression in full remission, come out as nonbinary, changed my name, written a novel, and now fully support myself. I am unrecognizable from my younger self. I used to be unable to make new friends, and now I have a whole group of people I met and bonded with over TTRPGs. I used to have screaming, crying meltdowns over my math homework well into high school. Now, I understand mathematics, statistics and probabilities with ease, and know that I am AuDHD. I used to be constantly anxious that if I ever did the wrong thing, no matter how slight, I would be rejected by the people in my life. Now, I can sit down at a work meeting and accept discipline without crying (Sometimes.) I used to not have the energy to do more than two things in a week. Now, I am running out of days in my calendar for everything I want to do. 

I cannot credit all of this change to one project, of course, but this game really has been a guiding force through this chapter of my life. I've been in a sort of dance with it, where I began to create answers to my anxieties, and in turn, Heliosail gave me resolve and hope. I was worried about climate change, so I imagined a future where we go back and fix our mistakes. I felt like I didn't fit in, so I created a fantasy where I could run away on a ship and be queer with all my friends. I was anxious about surviving in this capitalist world, so I imagined a society that tries to take care of everyone in it.

I fell into a comfortable pattern, where I could experience the joy of puzzle-solving that is the design process, and literally build the world that I wanted for myself.

And so, the truth is that, while I am excited and proud beyond words to finally let the world see my work, I am kind of mourning too. There will be more Heliosail to work on; I am already planning more content for the game, and will continue to try to spread it to those who will enjoy it most. But that is not the same. To achieve my dream for this work, I will need to develop a whole new set of skills. I feel rather like Sisyphus, having just reached the top of the hill only to realize that somehow I'm at the bottom once again. No matter how daunting I find the road ahead, though, I believe that Heilosail is worth it. Maybe it makes me sound conceited and self-important, but the truth is that I feel a drive and responsibility to make this project a success, as if it is for something greater than myself. It's like I'm pushing this boulder, not up a hill forever, but towards someone who badly needs it. I don't know who they are, but I am driven to reach them as if both our lives depend on it. 

More Content Coming Soon

More files will be coming in the near future, added to the download for Heliosail everywhere you can find it. I will be adding a "Home-Printer Friendly" version of the handbook very soon, which will be black and white with no images, and will be reformatted to use the fewest number of pages possible. I will also be releasing a free adventure to provide you all with some content for your games. Adventures I publish after this will be paid supplements, but I will continue to publish "Monster Mondays" and other free content on Patreon. 

[hufflepuffwriter1995]

Title: Falling for My Tutor  

Fandom: BTS 

Pairing: Tutor!Namjoon x Popular!Reader 

Warnings: None, just fluff and Namjoon missing the signs 

Inspired by: @rpwprpwprpwprw https://www.tumblr.com/rpwprpwprpwprw/773164751784165376?source=share

Authors Note: This is roughly edited with the free version of Grammarly. Also, I am slowly getting back into my writing so if its horrible please just bare with me. I swear, I will get to my usual quality soon enough. Please let me know you if you enjoy this or want a personal quest. I also have my own Patreon that I will soon be getting up and going as well.

  “Um, Hobi Hyung isn’t here.” Kim Namjoon stuttered as he opened the door, his eyes widening at seeing you standing on the other side. From the moment he began rooming with Hoseok, your best friend, he found himself catching feelings. You were kind, funny and smart. The fact that you were honestly the most popular girl on campus, a fact that didn’t seem to even occur to you, made him fall harder. Your popularity didn’t seem to even be something you registered. From the moment he pieced together that he was gaining feelings for you, he tried to avoid you, not wanting to make himself an awkward mess around you. 

  “I know, I just left him messing around with Oppa Jin in the courtyard. I actually came to see you.” You sent him a smile so sweet that he was left a flustered mess. He knew he was deep crimson as he stared at you, earning a sweet girl from you. 

  “Me?”

  “Yes. I was hoping you could help me. I am failing chemistry and Hobi mentioned you were at the top of the class. I was hoping you would be so kind as to tutor me. I will pay you of course.” Namjoon couldn’t help but watch you, waiting for the show to drop before slowly nodding. 

  “Yeah, I can… and um you don’t need to pay me. I’d be uh honoured to help you.” He rubbed the back of his neck as he spoke, watching you send him a thankful smile. “If you want we can uh you know start now?” 

   “Really? Oh, thank you Namjoon!” Before he could react your arms were around him, your body pressed against his as you hugged him. Slowly he wrapped his arms around you, holding you as gently as possible.  

   “Oh of course.” He mutters, pulling away after a moment to usher you into the room, sitting down at the table and pulling out his book. “Where um are you starting to struggle?” 

   “Organic.” You say as you settle beside him, close enough that he can feel you pressed against his side. “It always manages to confuse me.” 

  “Then uh let's start from the very beginning.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

   “Jooni!” You scream as you come running towards him, instantly getting hushed by the librarian. Sending her a soft smile and a whispered thank you, you continue towards the boy you had started to fall for. It had been a little over two months since Namjoon began tutoring you and in that time you had not only grown much better in organic chemistry, becoming a solid 80% student, but you also fell in love with him.  Of course, you had always found him handsome and had even told Hobi as much, earning a solid year of playful teasing from the man who had become a brother to you. Getting to know him though, you had fully fallen for the boy. 

   You had begun to flirt with him, leaving soft little touchers against his arm, calling him honey, or darling. You had even gone as far as calling him handsome, which resulted in him having a coughing fit and turning into a deep shade of crimson. He hadn’t been able to look in your direction for the first week after that. Still, he didn’t seem to make him understand, couldn’t get him to realize you had a thing for him. Which is why you had decided you were fully going to step up your game. 

   “Hello Y/N/N, how did your last test go?” He asked, fixing his glasses on his nose as he closed his book. His gaze flickered to your eyes before looking away again. He never had been all that good at keeping your gaze. 

  “My latest test, I got a perfect score.” He instantly throws a wide grin at you, a look of complete pride in his eyes. 

   “That’s amazing, I am so proud of you.” He said, his words causing you to blush, a small giggle escaping you as you leaned forward and brushed your lips against his cheek. Pulling away, you started giggling again, noticing the almost panicked look on his face. 

  “Thank you, that means so much to me Jooni.” You say, squeezing his hand in yours. 

  “I… just… um… I thank you.” He stuttered, pushing his glasses back up the bridge of his nose. The sigh had you swooning and before you could stop yourself, you brushed a hand through his hair, pleased to find that it was just as soft as you always dreamed it to be. At your touch he choked on air, blinking at you. 

  “You are so handsome, you know that right Jooni?” Before he could answer, arms were thrown around your shoulders, alerting you to the presence of none other than Jungkook. The younger boy hugged you tightly, tattooed arm wrapped tightly against your waist. 

  “Noona did you forget about me!” He pouted. “You promised to help me get Jessica to date me.” 

  “Right. Jooni I have to help with this one, I will see you tomorrow. I’ll bring you coffee.” Breaking free of Jungkook’s hold, you leaned over and pressed a kiss to Namjoon’s cheek, causing him to flush. 

  “You better be careful noona, or you may break Namjoon Hyung.” 

  “Don’t tease him, Kook, that’s rude.” You scold, shaking your head before hugging Namjoon again. “Don’t listen to him Jooni, I know you could handle me.” This left Namjoon in a stuttering mess, which only caused Jungkook to laugh. Shaking your head, you tug the younger boy out of the library, leaving Namjoon behind. 

  As he watched you leaving, Jungkook beside you, he couldn’t get your actions out of his head. Did they mean something? Did you like him and what did you mean by you knew he could handle you? 

  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~  

   “Has he figured it out yet?” Jimin asked over dinner, his arm wrapped around his girlfriend. 

  “No, at least I don’t think so.” You sigh a small pout on your lips. It had been another week since you kissed Namjoon’s cheek, assuring him he could handle you, and nothing had changed. He was still his usual self, seemingly unaware of your advances. “Maybe he doesn’t like me?”

   “Oh, he does.” Hobi insists as he sits down next to you, his girlfriend Crystal sending you a smile. “He just doesn’t know how to address it. He asked me a few nights ago if you gave me kisses on the cheek. You don’t by the way and you totally should, as your longest friend I feel betrayed.” 

   “Oh settle down Hobi.” Jin snorted. “Maybe it’s time you just come out and say it.” 

  “You have a fair point. Maybe it’s time to stop beating around the bush. Just come out and say Kim Namjoon, I am in love with you.” You declare, earning a cheer from the group. 

  “Go forth young one and get a boyfriend.” Taehyung laughed, shaking his head at how quickly you stood up, blowing them all a kiss goodbye before hurrying out of the room. 

   “You do know, telling him will break him?” Yoongi said as he watched the door swing shut behind you. 

  “Yeah, but it will be good for him.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

  Namjoon had just settled down for lunch when a knock rang through the air. Standing up, he opens the door, blushing at the sight of him. You were dressed in a simple sundress, your hair pulled back into a braid as you smiled at him. Before he could say anything, you stood up on your tip toes and pressed a kiss against his lips. 

  “In case it’s not obvious Jooni. I like you.” Namjoon blinks, unsure if he is dreaming or not. That is until you giggle quietly, a hand on his cheek. “Oh Joon, you are so easy to love you know that? I started falling for you during our first session when you couldn’t even look at me. Of course, I had noticed you long before then, you are much more handsome than you let yourself believe. I can also assure you, I am not the only one who likes you.”

  “You.. you mean you like me? All this time. The touching?” 

  “Was me flirting yes.” You started to say more when he cut you off, cupping your face in his big hands and kissing you deeply. 

  “I loved you from the moment I heard you laugh with Hoseok that first day. I just… I couldn’t say it aloud.” 

  “Then I guess you are just going to have to accept I am your girlfriend.”

[duckprintspress]

An Interview with Tris Lawrence

Meet Tris Lawrence! Tris has been with Duck Prints Press since our very first anthology, Add Magic to Taste, and is the author of multiple novels, including seven books of the Welcome to Pine Hills University series. We’re currently crowdfunding the second book of that series, Missed Fortunes, so what better time is there to get to know this awesome author?

About Tris Lawrence

Tris Lawrence has been writing since she was a child, filling notebooks with the worlds, dreams, and voices from inside her head. She declared in sixth grade that she wanted to be a writer, promptly started drafting her first novel in seventh grade, and never looked back.

Tris has always been fascinated by the way people work: how their relationships fit together, how they interact socially, how they learn and discover. She has read avidly her entire life, devouring mysteries, romances, science fiction, and fantasy novels, and as an adult still loves all of these genres. Her favorite stories center on people who are learning or discovering new things, and coming-of-age stories top that list, which is how Pine Hills University came to be. She wants to share stories of people who are learning how to relate to each other, how to adult, how to college, and how to just be. She hopes to share stories about diverse characters with representation of everything she wishes she could have read growing up, and she hopes that these stories will touch the lives and hearts of those who read them.

When not writing, Tris is a wife, a mother (to two children, two cats, and a dog), a knitter, a system administrator, a black belt in taekwondo, an avid reader, and a music aficionado. Sleep, she claims, is optional.

Links: Bluesky | Dreamwidth | Facebook | Mastodon | Patreon | Pillowfort | Tumblr

An Interview with Tris

How did you pick the name you create under?

I’ve written in the past under multiple variations on my meatspace prior-to-marriage name, but that was always separate from my fandom identity. When I started the Welcome to PHU series, I made a conscious decision that I wanted to lean-into my fandom self. I’ve been tryslora online for over thirty years, and many of my friends called me Trys. The names are pronounced with a short I, so the shift from Trys to Tris was easy for me, and the surname Lawrence is another callback to the other half of my fandom name. The fact that my surname is also the (full given) name of the very favorite character of the first short story I ever had published is just a happy bonus.

When and why did you begin creating?

Oh. Goodness. Apparently my first short story was written in the first grade. I was in the resource room–taken out of my class for enrichment time so I didn’t get Bored since I was the only one in the class who could already read. They gave me a picture, and I wrote a story about a sad little boy whose parents were getting a divorce. The school called my parents, very concerned. Spoiler alert: my parents were NOT getting a divorce.

I started writing in earnest in seventh grade. I was already a voracious reader, and it seemed like the next step to start creating the kinds of stories I wanted to read. Sweet wistful romances. Stories where I could be the hero. As an only child, I’d been making up stories in my head all my life; putting them down on paper and sharing them was fun. And I quickly realized that writing was like breathing. I couldn’t stop. I filled notebooks. I started submitting short stories to markets (and being rejected) when I was fifteen. I wrote a serialized novel my senior year of high school and sold it in thirty issues to other kids in my high school. To be fair, I got the idea from a friend who started his serial the year earlier, and I wasn’t the only one. We were a whole little crew of writers in high school, and we beta read and encouraged each other.

Why I wrote changed over the years. At first, I just wanted to tell stories. The kinds of stories I had going in my head to entertain me when I was bored/alone/whatever. Then I started to need to write to tell stories that worked out problems in my head. Then I started creating the kinds of stories I really needed to read when I was a kid/teen/young adult. Which is what I’m still doing. In a way, everything I write is to tell younger-me that the future is different. Better. More expansive and diverse and accepting. That the world has words for things, and we are working toward change.

Are you a pantser, a planner, or a planster? What’s your process look like?

I am a plantser. I used to be a straight-up pantser, but when I started writing serialized novel-length works (first for fic, then original), I found that I needed some kind of structure to help keep me on schedule. My process involves a lot of random talking to myself on paper to spew ideas, then trying to form the ideas into a loose timeline of major events. Sometimes those events are tropes (like: “the only one bed moment should come relatively early”) or they could be something more plot-related. Once that’s done, I figure out how many chapters I want and put blank docs for those in my Scrivener file. Then I index card the first few, but which I mean make a 1-3 paragraph set of blathering to myself notes about high points that need to occur in the chapter. I can’t call it an outline. It’s not really specific. Sometimes it’s a quote I want to include and a note about who is interacting and why.

I can’t overtell the story when I’m planning or I won’t want to write it. Or I WILL write it, right then, instead of planning. So. Yeah. Plantsing is the way to go. And every time I approach the end of the chapters I’ve done index cards for, I do the next few. Somewhere in the last third, I find myself needing to do it for the rest, at which point I can roll on through and finish the story.

Which of your own creations is your favorite? Why?

Um. My true and absolute favorites are horror pieces for an old fandom that has a lot of conflict around it now, so I hesitate to point to those. They make me want to write modern horror, though. I miss horror. In current writing, I’d have to say “Delta” from He Bears the Cape of Stars. It’s hard to say why other than that Ellis is a character of my heart, and I was so so thrilled to be able to write a story that had a positive outcome for him. “Worldplay” in the anthology Game On! from Zombies Need Brains is a close second. I went into it with a goal it having a particular taste and feel to the words, and I achieved that. I also went into it with the goal of the main character never being gendered, and am really happy with how it reads. The fact that it is only 4,000 words long and everything fits so neatly within that amount of words gives me incredible joy. In terms of craft, I am intensely proud of this piece.

Do you like having background noise when you create? What do you listen to? Does it vary depending on the project, and if so, how?

I need music going, but it has to either be music I know and can ignore, or sometimes classical. And it does vary with the project, but I don’t make playlists specific to the book. I did listen to a LOT of pop punk while writing Rory’s book (Marked #2: Not Your Love Song) in the PHU ‘verse, because that fit with his band’s theme. What I can’t do is use headphones – if the music is right in my ears, it’s interruptive. I need it to be low and truly in the background, so it doesn’t draw my attention. Once upon a time I could write while watching TV (and I wrote a lot of early fic that way- t hat would be where a Deadliest Catch inspired fic came from!) but not any longer. It’s too distracting.

When you look at your “career” as a creator, what achievement would you most like to reach – what, if it happened or has already happened, would/did make you go “now – now I’m a success!”?

When I graduated high school, as part of our writeup under our picture, they asked for our life goal. Mine was “2 go 2 SF cons 4 free” because at that time, being invited to be the guest of honor at a convention was the best goal I could see. I’d still love for that to happen. But really, more than that, I just hope to hear someday that something I wrote meant something to a reader. That the book impacted them in a positive way. That would be a success.

If you could give one piece of advice to a new creator who came to you for help, what would that advice be?

All words are awesome words. There will be days where you hate everything you write, and that’s okay. Put them on paper anyway. Burn them later if you want, or edit them, or tuck them in a drawer to look at in a year. But write them. Give yourself that chance to grow. Remember that everyone starts at the beginning – no one is a pro from moment one. Keep at it, and those words will change as you learn. But never forget: every word you put on paper is incredible, because you did it. You wrote. Keep writing.

What’s the best advice you’ve ever received?

You have to write your million words of shit. Which in my mind, I have turned it around to “All words are awesome words” whether you make one or a thousand, whether you keep them or cut them. The gist is: in order to improve, you have to write. You have to get it down on paper, and yeah, it may not work and it may get tossed in a drawer (or lost in a virtual file folder named “omgDoNotLook-this-is-awful.docx”), but the writing is how we learn.

Additionally, ALL words count. Original fiction. Fan fiction. Non-fiction. Blog posts. Carefully worded emails. Everything that makes you slow down and consider your word choice and seek a direction and find flow. It’s all important, and it’s all part of the learning process. Which is the flipside of writing that first million words of shit. Much like gaining a black belt in a martial art – achieving that goal isn’t the end of the journey, it’s the start. Keep going. Keep making words. Every single one is important, and we always have more to learn.

What’s the worst advice you’ve ever received?

That you are only a writer if you write every day, and that to be successful, it should be at the same time, in the same place. I get that it works for some people. In fact, it’s great advice for a lot of people! But for me, I internalized that as “if I miss a day, I’m a failure” or “if I can’t get into my home office, I’m a failure” and that meant I stopped writing.

I had to learn that zero days are okay. It’s how much you work, not necessarily having a strict schedule, and learning to roll with the changes in schedule is important, too. I started tracking my word count in a spreadsheet so I could see those ups and downs, and visualize my averages, even when half the days out of the year I wasn’t writing at all. In 2023 I started tracking time, as well, because I’ve been spending more and more time on authorial tasks that aren’t just the creation of new words – editing, social media, publication prep, buying supplies (business cards, etc.), conventions. Being able to see that I am still spending a lot of time on this career, even if I’m not making words, has helped me come to terms with times when I’m not writing.

What book or media franchise or other creator’s work do you always come back to? How many times have you rewatched/reread/reviewed it?

Roger Zelazny’s Amber series, and I honestly do not know how many times I’ve read it. My view of it has changed over the years, certainly. It still impacts me a lot when I think about it; there are so many spaces and so many ways to take inspiration from it. It was a perfect story for a lonely teen who wanted a way to believe in a life beyond where I was. I read it many times between the ’90s and ’00s because I got involved in playing an RPG based in the universe – diceless roleplaying with a heavy emphasis on character and story. It was perfect for me, and was something that kept me writing (for my characters) during the times when my children were young. The last time I read it was in 2017 so I could write a postscript canon-based story for a Yuletide prompt. That’s another one I’m very proud of from a craft perspective, because I feel like I did a good job of mimicking Zelazny’s style (but more modern).

Thank you for sharing, Tris!

If you’ve enjoyed this interview, why not check out our current crowdfunding campaign for Tris’s book Missed Fortunes?

[watcherthrowaway]

also one real post about this and like, plenty of ink has been spilt on how disconnected watcher entertainment seems to be from its fans but i think the missing piece here is how disconnected watcher is from the rest of youtube. when the catastrophe hit i went to all my terminally online friends, the same way i did after the hbomberguy james somerton video, or after the ned fulmer fiasco, or the creepshowart scandal etc, or every time jenny nicholson dropped a new evermore video, including the ones behind the $2 patreon paywall we all gladly pay for, and for the first time...

no one knew who i was talking about.

these are not insulated people. these are people i can trust to have at least name recognition of almost any youtuber i mention. they know downtherabbithole and strangeaeons and cjthex and kappakaiju and miniminuteman773 and kazrowe and somemorenews etc etc etc

so when i put in the group chat, with no context, 'he wasnt even on cribs' or 'we have no cats kathleen' or 'only humble pagan commune schemes' or whatever, i usually do so with great trust that at least half the group will know what im on about.

this time, crickets.

i backpedaled a little and pulled up the 'ive connected them' meme and the fuzzy blue professor, and i got nothing at all. the only recognition i got was when someone belatedly realized that he had seen the goatman video when it dropped (although he had no idea that they had their own company now), and another person remembered that they had offered to collab with danny gonzalez, a youtuber with twice the subscribers

because she had checked back to see if danny went ghost hunting again, and lost interest because he hadnt.

i also brought it up in my dedicated buzzfeed unsolved group chat but ummmmm i am the only one in that group still watching ever since the shift to watcher oops

the only splash they had made in my again, TERMINALLY ONLINE friend group that watches hours and hours of youtube a day was a buzzfeed video seven years ago, and when they had failed to collab with someone more famous than them. i found myself in the unusual position of having to explain the situation to a bunch of dirty internet gremlins, all of whom heard the whole story and said 'why would they do that'

not 'why would they do that to their fans' but 'why would they do that as youtubers'

even aside from the moneygrubbing, we watcher stans were confused about why they tried to offer us a service we didn't need or want, and i think it obscured the confusion on why they thought it was a good idea at all, when so many other models were available to them. why werent they using their patreon like other youtubers? why weren't they collaborating with other youtubers? why weren't they putting out regular, lower quality content like other youtubers? if they wanted higher quality content, why weren't they partnering with nebula, like lindsay ellis, or netflix, like bo burnham. why didn't they run their ideas past someone like the green brothers, who have jumpstarted scishow and many other similar projects successfully, and are famously good to work with/consult with? why would they try to pull a roosterteeth? don't they know what happened?

and i think the answer is no. i think they just don't know those things. and they didnt bother to check, because they think all those things are beneath them. because they think corporate content is the only worthwhile kind there is.

why else would they think they have to have an office building, keep dozens of people on staff, buy expensive cameras, and build a streaming platform? why do they only collaborate with actors and singers who have corporate entertainment approval? why are they reinventing the wheel on buzzfeed when thousands of youtubers build perfectly stable careers with a mic and a camera, and sometimes hire an editor?

i guess my takeaway from this is that, at least they didnt break my heart as a fan entirely because they fundamentally misunderstood me. they did it, at least in part, because they do not understand how youtube works, or what part they play in it.

they dont understand how people use youtube. it is not a cinematic event worthy of the big tv, it is line goes up playing in the background for the 400th time as i wash my face and put my laundry away.

that is why they spent months and months planning this without ever noticing it was a bad idea, while millions of youtube viewers knew instantly. thats why they didn't start with a more moderate solution, why they never used their patreon properly, why they cared so much about the production value, why they thought a youtube audience, any audience at all, would jump at the chance to leave youtube.

bc youtube as a creator sucks, and we all know that, but youtube as a viewer is extremely comfortable. all i ask of youtube is to be mildly interesting in the background while i do other stuff. it is filler. some of the filler is extremely good, yes, but there is no room or reason in my life to give more of my money and attention to my filler, let alone to get a bigger screen for it.

and honestly, this is why i and others stayed on with the ghoul boys even though their quality dropped. because it's filler. im not even looking at the screen you apparently spent 100k on. im flipping my eggs. im washing my hair. im waiting for the bus with my headphones in and my phone in my pocket. thank you for being my background music. in return i will sit through your ads and push your view counter up by one. i may even hit the like button by accident bc my phone is in my pocket.

this is not to say i dont enjoy my filler. i would absolutely die without it. but it is not and never will be exchanged for the instances when i make popcorn in The Big Bowl and turn on a Real Movie on the Big Screen (my old laptop that is 15 whole inches) with my phone turned over so nothing can distract me.

my filler can't be my movie, and vice versa. nor should it be. but watcher doesnt understand that, apparently. they think youtube is cruelly preventing them from being netflix, and they think we want netflix, and they don't understand that, even with that half-assed apology that they didn't explain their dream correctly and they are jsut so destitute they had to take extreme measures after they went to europe 6 too many times...

there is a fundamental misunderstanding about how people use youtube , both as creators and as consumers. they didn't just misunderstand their fanbase. they continue to misunderstand the entire ecosystem. idk guys. maybe you should have learned something from those youtubers that you apparently think you are too good for.

and as for me, welp. i've booted people from my filler line-up for less. and there are soooooooooooooo many other fish in the sea, and they are not asking me to pay them 27 corporation salaries from my own pocket. they are asking for me to bump their view counter up by one.

goodbye boys. i really hope you find a way to fulfill yourselves artistically or whatever. but you have burned this particular bridge, like. forever. and i don't think i'm the only one who feels that way.

and not because i dont support people getting a living wage, you guilt-tripping vultures, or because i dont believe in following dreams and wishing on stars and whatnot.

but because i prefer to consume content from people who know what they're doing, and i simply no longer trust that includes you.

[mariadalila27]

Hello everyone!

Today I’m bringing you all Game Grumps sketches! These are mostly using reference of them as I wanted to learn to properly draw them! And I have been doing these type of sketches since last year, so I have compiled most the sketches I have done of them to see how much I have improved (some were left behind because of the photo limit, but that’s alright, they weren’t as important as the ones I shared), and I can say that I have definitely IMPROVED!!!! So I want to share it in here because there are a lot of pictures!

The reason this is a different format is because I want it to be like a surprise of how much I have improved.

So let’s go back to October 2023

While I had draw them before, that was back in 2019 and since then, I never really drew them (except in 2022, but that was them as Rabbids, so that doesn’t count xddd).

But this was made in October 2023, and my my my. Look at them xddddd. It’s not the worse, it’s nice, but there’s something that doesn’t make them them. Mostly with Arin as his head shape and neck doesn’t look right to him. Dan is nice, I even tried to make his butt chin. But still, not there yet.

(Ignore me being in the drawing, I realized that I always draw myself in the first page of a new sketchbook, but I already drew them in there, so I just drew myself on the space that was left xddd).

These were done in May 2024, and comparing them with the 2023 sketch, there’s a big difference! I was scared of drawing them, but I did it and it looks nice! I especially like the top corners, they look pretty cool!

These were made in July 2024, and I mostly wanted to draw their designs for Ghoul Grumps, and I also drew their mini selfs that’s on the thumbnails of the videos. I had so much fun drawing them, and there’s more improvement! Especially with Arin as I drew him with those heart glasses and him using those towels that they sold on GG (again most of these sketches are based on photo references, but there are some that are not)

First one was done in October and the second one was done in December. So there’s a separation between them, but the reason I have them together was because I redrew one part of the October sketches in December. The October sketches have them as normal (which I was proud of Dan), poses of them, them as animals (Animal Crossing inspired), Arin in his “Kiss the Elder Ring” outfit (and Alexander), and the highlight of the page: them as Huggy Wuggy and Kissy Missy when they played Poppy Playtime Chapter 3. Which it also has Arin singing 🎵 Daddy’s Car🎵

Which that lead to me redrawing that part in December! And I love how much I improved on it! (And the Daddy’s Car redraw is my favorite xD)

These sketches (both from January of this year (2025)) are sketches from my mind, nothing from photo references! The first one are them as if they were in Crash Bandicoot, Bugsnax, Psychonauts, and Grim Fandango! These are based on what games they could potentially play that were suggested by the Lovelies in Patreon (I don’t have Patreon, but they showed the wheel of all the games on the first video of Lovelie’s Choice) so if they play any of those games one day, I’ll freaking scream!!!! Especially Grim Fandango!!!!

The second one is mostly Dan (with SnakeSnake from Breadwinners, but ignore that part xddd). The sketches looks blurry because I drew at the back of that page without me knowing and so it got blurry by the bed and such ;-;

These were done in February, and seeing from the last sketches, I didn’t do any sketches from photo references, so I wanted to change that and come back doing it. And OH. MY GOSH! The improvement!!!!!!!!! HOW??? To this day, I’m surprised of how I drew that! Like what was I doing differently back then??? These look amazing!!! Their faces!!!! Especially Arin as he’s the one I had more trouble getting it!

Guess my Favorite Grump Challenge (impossible) xddd

Okay jokes aside, I decided to dedicate a page with just Dan because I wanted to get his head shape good! But also, these were made in March 4 and 5; before his birthday. So I wanted to get him well before doing his birthday drawing! I had so much fun sketching him! He has so many styles xD!

And this page was done in March 14 (in Dan’s birthday)! And again, it’s just sketches based on photo references! And I can now say that I have peak on drawing them! I’m very VERY happy with these! They really look like them!!!!!! Especially the hair and head shape; even the beards and Dan’s shaved eyebrow! Like AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I’m very happy of my journey of drawing them! And how much I have learned and improved! This really means that my art skills have grown! I would like to thank my classes for helping me improve on drawing humans! Thanks!

And I hope everyone enjoy these sketches!!!

[theradicalscrivener]

The Little Spoon 2

Good heck. It's been like 10 years between updates. Part 1 was one of the earliest one shots I ever wrote, but recent ask prompts gave me inspiration for a fun way to continue the story.

Experiments with the shrinking potion have left Caleb decidedly short, but he's not too tiny to get by in daily life... yet. The couple aren't quite ready to take that plunge, but Felipe has an idea for how they can still have their fun without Caleb needing to shrink.

(Themes: Hyper, growth, macro, and some shrink related bits.)

Support me on [Patreon] and find me on [Linktree] and introducing the newest way to follow me [Bluesky]

[First Chapter]

               Things had taken an interesting turn for Caleb and Felipe ever since their first experiment with the shrinking potion. After Caleb had grown back, he realized he now stood a solid six feet tall. An impressive size by most standard, but a full three inches shorter than he had been the day before.

               The thought of being smaller excited Caleb to no end. With another couple of doses, he would someday be permanently shorter than his boyfriend, Felipe! The sheer thought of which made Caleb incredibly excited. Sure, it would be weird to explain to his coworkers, but if they spaced things out enough, no one would worry.

               That was the plan anyway, but a few months later, Caleb and Felipe had another night of fun with the shrinking potion. This time, when Caleb grew back, he stood only five foot six! He had lost six whole inches! That was double what had happened the last time! Caleb was now almost as short as his “little lover”… almost.  

               Felipe was as confused as Caleb. He had no idea why the shrinkage had been so intense this time. To make matters worse, Caleb’s shrinkage had been so intense that he couldn’t gaslight his coworkers into thinking he had always been that tall. Dropping from 6’3 to 6’ was easy. Few people were that tall. He still appeared “large” to everyone, but when he got back to the office that following Monday, he was clearly average height.

               Rumors abounded. Most people assumed he had some sort of health issue. Every day at the office he was greeted with sympathy for his diminished size and deteriorating health. It was strange. Caleb was still average height, but people treated him like he was so small. Every comment about his reduced size drove him wild. Every time the taller guys at the office tried to help him get something down from the top shelf got Caleb incredibly hot under the collar. He found himself more and more craving another dose. He wanted to get smaller. He didn’t want to just be average, he wanted to be tiny! One more dose was all it would take. Just one more and he’d be even shorter than his petite boyfriend.

               It had taken a lot of convincing to get Felipe to agree, but eventually he did. Felipe never was able to resist when Caleb really turned up the charm. A few pairs of puppy dog eyes later, and the couple found themselves once more having a size shifting night of bedroom fun.

               This time, when Caleb grew back, he was only 4’6! He had lost a full foot of height! Caleb had wanted to be shorter than his boyfriend, but now Caleb only reached up to Felipe’s shoulders. Caleb was now eye level with Felipe’s toned chest.

               Caleb was no longer average. He was no longer even just short. He was child-sized! He was as small as he had been back in middle school! Yet, despite how worried he knew he should be, he was ecstatic. He loved being so small and couldn’t help but daydream about getting even smaller. Every comment his coworkers made about his height, every time Caleb needed to climb on a chair to get coffee in the morning, every time Felipe snuck up behind him and wrapped Caleb in a hug while resting his chin atop Calebs head, every time Caleb’s toe caught the lip of the step as he got onto the bus reminded him of how much he had shrunk.

               It was maddening. Caleb wanted to get smaller with every fiber of his being, but he knew that the next shrinkage would change everything for him. Even though they had waited months between the last two potions, the amount Caleb shrunk had still doubled. The effects didn’t seem to diminish with time. The next time he shrunk he might end up less than three feet tall! That was kindergartener sized! How would he get around at the size? Would he be able to keep doing his job?

               As the months went on, the debate still raged within Caleb’s head and within their household. When Caleb got so small that he could no longer work, would they be able to live off of Felipe’s wages? They wouldn’t need as much space, and they could move away from downtown. Get a small, cheaper place close to the shop that Felipe worked. Caleb wouldn’t need much space. He wouldn’t even need much room. Once he got small enough, he wouldn’t even count as another mouth to feed!

               Felipe had to admit that Caleb made some good points. Caleb always seemed so happy now that he was smaller, and Felipe couldn’t deny how much he liked having a boyfriend who was smaller than he was. Felipe also wanted to see Caleb get even smaller, but he didn’t understand the potions well enough. He needed more time. He needed more experimentation. That was why he had suggested the two of them spend a quiet weekend out in the country.

               The camping trip started out pretty normally. While Caleb assembled their tent, Felipe started a fire and made some hot cocoa, but one of the two mugs had a little something special.

               “So, tell me, how was work today?” Felipe asked. He sipped at his cocoa and struggled to hide his smirk.

               “The same as always. We got a new client, and I had to meet with them for a bit. I can’t tell you how glad I was that I was able to get out at three. I think I would have gone mad if I had to do the old grip and grin until six,” Caleb said.  

               “I thought you liked your job,” Felipe said sympathetically.

               “I do… most of the time. My coworkers are great, but I hate having to put on a face for new clients. It feels so fake. I’d rather just stay back and do the numbers part,” Caleb explained.

“Yeah. And you’re great at it too. Have you asked your boss about what we talked about? You know… working from home?” Felipe asked.

               “I’ve mentioned it a few times. It’s uh… I’ll be honest. I don’t like acting like what’s happened is a disease. This is the best thing that’s ever happened to me… well… You’re the best thing that ever happened to be, and this is partially also you so… you get what I mean.” Caleb mumbled awkwardly.

               “You don’t have to worry. I know what you meant,” Felip said with a laugh.

               “Yeah. I know. But how do I tell the boss that I might someday be too small to work from the office?” Caleb asked.

               “Just be honest with him,” Felipe said.

               “Hey, boss. I’m thinking of shrinking again. Is that cool with you all?” Caleb said as if acting out his meeting with the boss. His delivery was so cheesy that Felipe half expected to hear a canned laugh track along with it.

               “Not that honest...” Felipe said with a groan and an eyeroll.

               “How would you do it?” Caleb asked.

               “Maybe something Truth Adjacent… like ‘I think I might shrink some more’,” Felipe said.

               “That still feels shifty…” Caleb replied.

               “Well, if we want to take things to the next step, we’ll need to do something about your job. I think you’d be happier if you can still keep working,” Felipe said.

               “You know. It’s weird to hear you talk like this. I would have thought you’d be pushing for me to keep my size,” Caleb replied.

               “Honey, I gave up on talking you out of this a looong time ago,” Felipe said with a laugh. “Now, I just want to help you fulfil your dream in a way that doesn’t make you give up everything else.”

               “I knew I loved you for a reason,” Caleb said. He moved in closer to Felipe and went in for a hug and a kiss, but Felipe raised a hand to stop him. Caleb was momentarily taken aback, but he watched questioningly as Felipe chugged the rest of his cocoa.

               “Alright. Kiss me, big boy!” Felipe said after slamming back the rest of his mug.

               “Shouldn’t I be calling you Big Boy?” Caleb asked.

               “Oh, if only you knew,” Felipe replied with a chuckle and sly wink.

               Caleb didn’t have time to ask for clarification. Felipe grabbed the front of Caleb’s shirt and effortlessly pulled the smaller guy in for a passionate kiss.

               Caleb tensed up for but a second before relaxing and surrendering himself to his lover’s embrace. Felipe felt so huge and powerful. Just feeling how much bigger his boyfriend was than him drove Caleb wild. He couldn’t wait until Felipe felt even larger…

               It was as that thought crossed his mind that Caleb began to realize that he could feel Felipe shifting in his arms. Felipe wasn’t moving per se, but their positions were definitely changing. It was as if Felipe was getting bigger in his arms, but that would mean…

               It was right as the realization dawned on Caleb that Felipe suddenly pulled away. “Oh, wow. This is happening faster than I expected!” Felipe said.

                Felipe got up and started peeling off his shirt. At first, Caleb was surprised and confused. Felipe wasn't even trying to be sexy about the way he was struggling against his clothing. At first, Caleb thought that Felipe had a spider crawl up his shirt or something, but he quickly realized that Felipe was struggling to remove his normally loose tank top. The soft fabric began to strain. Even his shorts were getting tight around his slender thighs.

               Caleb had thought for a second that he was shrinking once more, but it quickly became apparent that it was Felipe who was growing! And fast, at that! Felipe was surging upwards and outwards in size so swiftly that his shorts began to fray and tear as his normally slender thighs grew too large and too thick for his shorts to contain. Soon, he was so huge that his shorts burst clean open, causing his impressive package to spill out.

               By this point, Felipe was so tall, that his dangly bits were hanging at eye level to his shorter than average beau. Felip had almost doubled in size in the span of a minute! His fat, soft cock was now easily a foot and a half long! The enormous tool was as thick as a pool noodle and almost as long as Caleb's whole arm! Felipe's hefty nuts were now the size of oranges and hung heavily in their sack, and he was still growing!

               Upwards and outwards Felipe grew and grew. Soon he was so tall that Caleb barely reached his knees! Felipe's dick was now nearly three feet long! It was longer than Caleb's torso and nearly as thick! Each massive orb that now dangled over Caleb's head was the size of a watermelon! His nuts were so huge that they nearly rivaled the size of Caleb's head! Felipe's ballsack was rapidly approaching the size of a bean bag chair! The combined mass of Felipe's two enormous cojones could have easily eclipsed Caleb's head and shoulders! And Caleb was silently wishing that Felipe would do just that! Yet even as Caleb fantasized, Felipe was still growing larger and larger!

               As Caleb stared up at his swelling lover, Felipe glanced down and flashed him a playful wink and said, “We might not be able to shrink you again just yet, but we can still have loads of fun. There’s no one around for miles which gives me plenty of room.” 

               Caleb did not have time to admire the view at their current sizes, because soon Felipe was so large that Caleb barely reached halfway up his boyfriend's shins! Felipe's was so massive that Caleb's broad, burly bod was thinner than just his lithe boyfriend's ankles! Caleb had to crane his neck in order to stare up in awe at his now towering boyfriend. Felipe's massive cock and balls dangled far above like a chandelier in a fancy theater! Even if Caleb had leapt with all his might, he would not be able to even tag Felipe's low hangers! Caleb wouldn't even be able to even touch Felipe's knees! And Felipe was still growing.

               Soon, Felipe was so huge that Caleb didn't even reach his lover's ankles. Just one of Felipe's feet was so massive that he could easily step on their Jeep as easily as someone steps on glass at a wedding, and there was something strangely romantic about the thought.

               Felipe squatted down low so that he could still see his little lover. Truth be told, Felipe was amazed at how huge and how fast he was growing. He had rapidly reached sizes far larger than he had anticipated. He had intentionally waited until they were far into the countryside to take the potion so that he wouldn't be spotted, but he was now so massive that he was visible for miles around! The last thing he wanted was for nosy newscasters to come calling in helicopters, or worse, the military! This was supposed to be a romantic night of just him and his little lover, and he wanted to keep it private.

               Felipe continued to stare down and smirk at his little lover as he sat down. Caleb soon found himself surrounded on all sides as his lover’s legs rose above him like the walls of a prison, but Caleb had no intention of trying to escape. He felt so tiny and safe between his boyfriend’s thighs that Caleb found himself longing for the days in the future where this would be their normal ratio.

               Felipe couldn’t help himself. He couldn’t stifle the chuckle that slipped out as he watched his tiny boyfriend standing before him like a bug. Caleb was so small that even just Felipe’s cock was bigger than the guy. Even just one of Felipe’s enormous nuts Felipe was now so massive that it could completely eclipse the little guy. Caleb was smaller than even Felipe’s pinky toe. Felipe was easily over 300 feet tall! That's over 100 yards! That's longer than a football field! He was so massive that their Jeep looked like a Hotwheels car!

               Felipe laid back and rested his head against the hills as easily as he would a would the armrest of their couch back home. It was hard to believe that mere hours earlier he was doing just that! He was able to recline on their love seat at home, but now he was so huge that he couldn't even fit in their apartment! In fact, he dwarfed the entire complex!

               "Come on. Let's have some fun," Felipe said. His voice was so loud that it caused the very earth beneath to shudder. Caleb could feel the vibrations of his lover's powerful voice rattling his ribcage. It resonated in his very core! But even if Felipe hadn't sounded so imposing and powerful, Caleb wouldn't have needed to be told twice. He had been rock hard from the second Felip had started swelling!

               Caleb was so small compared to his towering lover that he couldn't even hope to crawl up the side of Felipe's foot! There was nothing for him to grab onto, but Caleb was not out of ideas. His eyes were already fixated on his target. Far before him lay the head of Felipe's steadily swelling cock.

               Caleb took off running towards Felipe's fat cock, rapidly disrobing as he did so. Caleb's loose garments were far easier to remove than Felipe's had been, and by the time Caleb was darting past Felipe's knees and towards the titan's inner thigh, Caleb was as naked as the day he was born.

               Caleb soon found himself staring down the massive head of his boyfriend's enormous cock. Even just the slit of Felipe's cock was so huge that Caleb could easily fit his whole arm into the inviting slit! On some level, Caleb was tempted to do just that. The smell and the heat emanating from Felipe's cock were so inviting that Caleb felt a twinge of regret that he wasn’t small enough to completely slide into Felipe’s slit… at least, not yet…

               Caleb forced himself to tear his attention away from the enormous, inviting sight of his boyfriend’s colossal cock head and scrambled towards Felipe’s massive nuts. At this point, Felipe’s balls were so big that they would easily cover a small cottage! Caleb felt like a bug next to his boyfriend’s massive nuts, which just made Caleb even hornier!

               Caleb reached up and dug his fingers into the soft, saggy flesh of his lover’s sack. At his size, the flesh of Felipe’s sack was so thick that it was like trying to dig his fingers into the type of rubber they made gym mats out of, but Caleb was not about to be deterred. He dug his fingers into his boyfriend’s saggy flesh and began to slowly and steadily scale his lover’s reservoir sized sack!

               Caleb was once again overwhelmed by the sheer size and scale of his lover. He felt like Jack climbing the beanstalk, but instead of a stalk it was his lover’s ball sack! Step after step, hand over hand, he continued to climb and climb. Soon, he had reached Felipe’s well-trimmed crotch. Caleb wiped the sweat from his brow and stared out at the expanse of his boyfriend’s exposed midriff. Felipe’s flat belly and slightly defined pecs stretched out in front of him like a golf course. Had Caleb not watched his boyfriend swell in size, and had he not just scrambled up and over his lover’s massive package, it would have been easy to imagine Felipe’s pecs as rolling hills in the distance and Felipe’s belly button as a hazard on the course, but of course, Caleb knew better. He could see those hills rising and falling with each breathe that the titan took, and as Caleb looked far into the distance past Felipe’s chest, he could see the colossal face of his lover smirking down at him as if daring him to try something.

               Caleb wasn’t one to take a challenge lying down, and he was so hot and bothered, that all he wanted to do was satisfy his giant lover’s desires. Fortunately, Felipe’s desires were very much in line with Caleb’s own! Caleb wanted to feel that fat cock against him! He wanted to make Felip cry out in bliss as he came and came, and Caleb wanted to be at ground zero as it happened!

               Caleb paused for a moment to admire how beautiful Felipe looked, but then turned and focused his attention back towards Felipe’s steadily swelling cock. Felipe was already flying at half mast and getting harder by the second! The path up and along Felipe’s cock now starting to look like the ramp up towards the big drop of a roller coaster. Caleb knew that he’d have to move quickly, or Felipe’s rigid cock would be standing straight up at attention! As amazing as the view was sure to see, Caleb wasn’t sure if he was physically capable of scaling a schlong that towered over him like a four-story building! His best bet was to get to the relative safety of the cock head before the behemoth reached its full upright and locked position!

               Caleb scurried across the length of his lover’s massive cock. With each step that Caleb took, he could feel Felipe’s already fantastically huge cock swelling and stiffening beneath his feet. With each scramble and scrabble, the ground beneath him rose and rose. His climb became steeper and steeper. He knew that if he didn’t hurry, he’d soon have to scale the side of his lover’s cock as if it was a sheer cliff-face. As exciting as that sounded, Caleb lacked the tools and training to do so safely.

               Caleb was nearing the tip of Felipe’s dick. By this point Felipe was nearly fully hard! Felipe’s dick was shuddering and twitching in anticipation which nearly caused Caleb to lose his grip and tumble down and down the length of his lover’s shaft! Caleb managed to cling to a thick vein on the side of Felipe’s fat cock as if it were a rocky outcropping and waited for the shudders to pass.

               Even though Felipe’s rod was neatly fully hard, the sheer weight of Felipe’s rigid cock caused it to dip slightly, and that was all Caleb needed. During that brief moment between bucks and lurches, the incline was shallow enough that Caleb could make a break for it. Caleb steeled his nerves and tapped into a font of strength that surprised even him and scrambled up the last several feet of Felipe’s fantastic cock.

               Before Caleb could reach the tip, he felt Felipe’s cock lurch once more. Caleb’s tiny footfalls against Felipe’s cock felt so fantastic that Felipe couldn’t help himself! He was getting fully boned in record time!

               Caleb was not without his own tricks, though. He gritted his teeth and leapt with all his might. He soared through the air and landed with a thud against the side of Felipe’s cock. Caleb suddenly found himself clinging to the ridge of Felipe’s foreskin.

               Caleb pulled himself up and over the ledge, and collapsed with his back against the warm, spongy surface of his lover’s cock head and stared out at the expanse below him. Far in the distance he could see Felipe still resting his head against the hillside and smirking at him.

               Caleb was exhausted, but even still, he couldn’t quite fathom what he was seeing. Felipe was definitely bigger than he had been when Caleb had started scaling his cock, but Felipe wasn’t that much bigger! Even so, Caleb was now so tiny that just the pre-drooling slit of Felipe’s cock looked to be the size of their coffee table at home! It was nearly as long as Caleb was tall! The open maw of Felipe’s one-eyed monster was now so huge that Caleb could easily slide right in!

               Caleb’s mind reeled with the possibilities. Felipe hadn’t just gotten taller; his dick had grown too! Had Felipe taken both a height and a cock potion? Had taking the height potion reactivated the dick potion Felipe had used last time? Caleb didn’t understand the effects of these potions, and at the moment, he wasn’t in a position to think too hard on it. All he knew was the end result was hot as hell!

               Felipe could see the tiny form of his little lover crouched down atop his own enormous cock. Felipe hadn’t expected his dick to grow like this. It wasn’t that kind of potion, but he wasn’t about to deny the end results. His now enormous rod was almost as long as his arm and as thick as his thigh! The shaft was so thick that he couldn’t get his fingers to touch even when he wrapped both hands around the shaft! He made a mental note to look into this later, but for the time being, he was going to enjoy watching his little lover lap up his pre as it gushed from the tip of his towering cock.

               Caleb was drenched. He had worked up a bit of a sweat while scaling his titanic boyfriend’s immense cock, but that wasn’t really what got him so soaked. He was coated from head to toe in his lover’s pre. Felipe’s phenomenally huge cock was oozing. The thick, viscous substance seeping forth from his massive slit was flowing so thick and so swiftly that Caleb felt like he was wading through a shallow creek. He was up to his shins in the glistening fluids, but Caleb wanted to get even deeper! And as he stared down at the oozing slit of his titanic lover’s colossal cock, Caleb knew just what he needed to do. He took a deep breath and then leapt into the open maw of his boyfriend’s cock.

               Caleb curled into a cannonball and splashed down pool of pre that oozed from Felipe’s slit. Caleb hit the slimy, viscous fluid with a splash. Caleb was so small and Felipe so huge that Caleb hit the pool and didn’t even bump the sides of Felipe’s slit until Caleb unfurled from his cannonball.

               Caleb came up for air and tried to clear the pre from his face, but the fluid was thicker and stickier than water. It wasn’t something he could shake off like a dog after a bath. He had to reach out and find the side of Felipe’s slit and steady himself so he could then reach up and wipe the pre from his face.

               Once Caleb was able to see again, he marveled at what he saw. He was surrounded on all sides by the thick, spongy flesh of Felipe’s towering cock. The deep pit that Caleb found himself in was only about was wide as a backyard kiddie pool, but it was as deep as an ocean! Felipe’s cock seemed to stretch on for miles and miles below him! As much as Caleb wanted to try and swim to the bottom, he knew he’d never make it.

               Felipe could feel his little lover clinging to the lip of his dick. Not only was the tip of Felipe’s dick extremely sensitive in his overly aroused state, but feeling how tiny Caleb was in comparison drove him wild. Felipe tried to remind himself that he was doing this as a favor for his little lover and not for his own personal satisfaction, but the feeling of Caleb squirming inside his cock and the sensation of having a cock that was both taller and thicker than his torso drove Felipe wild. Felipe had only vaguely entertained the notion before, but in his overly horny, hormone addled state, the thought of permanently being huge and hung was too powerful to ignore.

               Felipe writhed and wriggled with ecstasy. He was so horny that he just wanted to cum and cum some more, and he could only imagine that that was what Caleb wanted too. Felipe’s horny little lover was clearly over the moon with Felipe’s new proportions as was evidenced by the fact that he was now treading water in Felipe’s pre-drooling slit.

               As Felipe writhed with ecstasy, his whole body tingled with excitement and arousal. He wanted more. He needed more. His hands traced the ridges of his own chest and tummy before reaching his crotch. He could feel his massive cock against his fingertips. It was far too large for him to ever hope to get his hands around it, but he had another idea.

               Felipe’s legs were buried under his enormous sack. His nuts were so huge that his scrotum filled his entire lap and then some. If left as they were, Felipe’s legs would soon start to fall asleep from the pressure.

               He shifted his position as best he could without jiggling his towering rod too much. The last thing he wanted was to accidentally shake Caleb loose and send the little guy plummeting hundreds of feet.

               Once Felipe’s legs were free, he placed his feet against his own sack and curled his legs toward his chest so he could reach towards his cock with his arms. Felipe gripped the massive shaft with both hands and braced himself then began to steadily rock back and forth. Each time he tilted ever so slightly forward.

               At Caleb’s tiny size, each rock back and forth of Felipe’s cock made it feel like he was trapped in a high rise during an intense earthquake! The entire structure around him swayed and wobbled all around him! But he quickly realized that there was a pattern here. Felipe was preparing for something and giving Caleb plenty of time to prepare.

               Felipe could feel his little lover squirming deeper and deeper into his towering cock. Caleb got the hint and had braced for impact the best way he knew how – by surrounding himself in Felipe’s cock and fluids!

               Felipe rocked back once more and then rocked forward with enough force to push his towering cock over the tipping point. There was a brief pause where his dick struggled against the inertia, but then his massive rod began to tip forward more and more, steadily picking up speed as it tilted further and further.

               Felipe’s cock slammed down with enough force to send a massive shockwave through the surrounding countryside. Leaves fell from trees which appeared to be the size of cocktail umbrellas beside Felipe’s now massive form. Flocks of birds which looked like swarms of gnats fluttered away in all directions.

               The force of the impact nearly knocked the wind out of Caleb, but the thick fluid he found himself suspended in absorbed the brunt of it. He bounced back and forth against the rubbery walls of the inside of his lover’s massive rod but was completely unharmed. Still, Caleb didn’t want Felipe to worry and gave the inner walls of his lover’s rod a slow, rhythmic series of kicks.

               Felipe felt the taps and understood immediately. With Caleb safe, he had nothing to worry about, and now that Felipe was straddling his own rod like a roadhouse bull, he was perfectly positioned to have plenty of fun of his own.

               Felipe leaned down and grabbed his cock with both hands and dug his heels into the sides of his shaft to brace himself and began to rock his hips. It took an impressive amount of effort for him to even budge his dick, but soon his massive cock was rocking back and forth. The sensitive, swollen under ridge along the underside of his cock grinded against the muck of the pre-soaked earth below.

               Felipe’s cock was so huge and so sensitive that the blissful sensation almost overloaded his brain. He was so horny that he just wanted to cum, and he was sure that Caleb was in a similar boat. Felipe continued to rock and ride as his cock wore a deep groove into the earth below. His cock shuddered. His body trembled. Pre flooded from his dick. Sweat dripped from his brow. Felipe was so close now. He was going to blow.

               Felipe reached a breaking point. His whole body tensed up. His cock gave a huge, shuddering lurch. His massive nuts pulled closer, and massive spurts of jizz erupted from his cock like a geyser.

               Caleb had been treading water in the steady flow of pre that seeped through Felipe’s now horizontal cock. Caleb knew that Felipe was about to blow. He could feel the very world around him shudder. When Felipe did finally cum, Caleb was ready. The first spurt of jizz crashed into him like a flash flood sending Caleb surging forward and soaring into the air.

               Caleb was launched several feet before landing with a splat in a thick wad of spunk. The thick spooge served to dampen the blow, but the impact still left him winded. Caleb struggled to his feet but was quickly bowled over by another massive spray of jizz.

Caleb quickly gave up and resigned himself to basking in the warmth of his lover’s seed. Spurt after massive spurt of cum arced through the air and crashed down around him. Most of the volley missed Caleb’s completely, but massive globules of hot cum crashed down like meteors all around him.

               Eventually the rain of jizz died down leaving Caleb gasping as he lay in a pool of his lover’s spunk. Somewhere in the thick muck that now coated most of his body was a bit of Caleb’s own cum, but his climax had been so insignificant compared to that of his titanic lover’s that Caleb hadn’t even noticed when it had happened. Had it not been for the blissful feeling coursing through his body and the steady deflation of his own dick, Caleb would have sworn he hadn’t cum at all.

               Eventually, Caleb had recovered enough to get up. He wasn’t sure how long he had been basking in the afterglow or in the pool of his lover’s spunk, but the pool of cum had started to cool by this point. Caleb staggered to his feet and shook some of the spunk off of him before beginning his trek back towards where they had made their camp. Caleb wasn’t sure how far away their car was, but it was easy to see his massive lover in the distance.

               Felipe was nuzzling his still massive cock. Even though his dick had long since softened, the shaft was still long enough that he could rest his head against it as he spooned his enormous dick. His climax had been so intense that it had left him dazed and exhausted far longer than normal. Felipe knew he should get up and go searching for Caleb, but he was so exhausted and the afterglow was so intense that all he could do was lie there and try to recover his wits.

               Soon, Felipe was able to make out the tiny shape of his little lover stomping through the muck towards him. Caleb looked so cute and so tiny at that size. Felipe just wanted to scoop the little guy up into his arms and hug him, but he did not have the energy. Instead, Felipe reached down and held his palm out for Caleb to climb aboard. Once Caleb hopped on, Felipe lifted his cum-coated little lover towards his face and nuzzled the tiny guy against his cheek.

               “We’ll have to get you cleaned up,” Felipe said groggily.

               “It came wait,” Caleb replied with a laugh. His voice was so soft to the titanic Felipe that Caleb would have been completely inaudible had he not been so close to Felipe’s ear.

               Felipe loved snuggling his little lover like this – almost as much as Caleb loved being held in his towering boyfriend’s hand. As they drifted off nuzzled against one another, their minds both turned to what this would mean for them going forward. Felipe had no idea what aftereffects the growth potion would have, but he couldn’t help but dream about how nice it would be if he could keep Caleb at this size all the time.

               Caleb drifted off with a similar reverie in mind. He and Felipe had long talked about what they would do when Caleb shrunk down permanently. He’d be too small to work and would be too small to have any real life outside of the house, but moments like this where he could just bask in the overwhelming presence of his colossal boyfriend would make it all worth it.

[First Chapter]

[cyberrat]

86th Batch Of Fics: 10th Fill

Gus/Sam/Willy – cont of patreon fic – Part ½ – punishment; sam in stocks; public usage – Sam has committed a crime and has to serve the time :)

(The first part of this is a patreon fic sooo... become a patron (5€ or 7€ tier) if you want to read that :) )

---

Time creeps up on Sam. He would have thought that being locked in the stocks and fucked for hours on end by all kinds of guys would be an ordeal that he’d never forget, but one moment it’s early morning and the next it is late afternoon and by the life of him he couldn’t say whose had a go at him.

Not everybody made it obvious, after all. Some just came – hehe – and went again without speaking. Hell, some could have fucked him twice even. Maybe Clint had a little break half-way through and came back to pump out another load?

Sam’s hole certainly is swollen enough that he would not have realized that the blacksmith with the fat cock had given him another round.

He’s just suitably sure that Mister Mulner and Morris did not come back for a ride but only because they wouldn’t have been quiet about it. He thinks. They enjoyed too much taunting him.

The sun is warm on his back but not burning him. The stocks also helps him be upright. Somewhat, that is. Obviously. He’s forced to stand bent over but at least he can relax his knees a little bit from time to time-

“Oh dear. Poor boy. You’ve been at it for a while now, haven’t you? Are you thirsty? Hungry?”

A shadow falls over Sam’s head. At first he doesn’t even recognize the voice; all he does is stare at the front of the dark green slacks of the guy that appeared, immediately wanting to suck dick.

After a second or two, he does look up though. It’s Gus who looks remarkably unperturbed by the situation Sam is in.

“I… uh…” He has to cough a little, suddenly aware of just how parched his throat has become. In Gus’ elbow he’s got a large basket hanging and the scents coming from it are mouth watering. Oh fuck, Sam is starving.

“Well I’ll be!”

Before Gus can reply to Sam’s stuttering, there’s another voice piping up behind him. This time his brain is faster to supply him with a name – if only because he can smell the scent of fish. Willy.

“Been a dog’s age since I last saw someone in the stocks. Aye, that brings up some memories. Nice ‘ns, mind. It’s a good tradition. Builds character, as my pappy used t’ say.”

Gus slowly puts his basket of goods down on the ground. Sam stares at it. There’s a dainty little napkin spread out over the top, denying him a view of the contents; but it still gets his mouth watering something fierce.

The barkeep wanders around him, apparently more interested in Willy now than to feed and water the ‘poor boy’.

“That so? I think I heard the Mayor speak about it once or twice but I didn’t think he was being for real…”

“Thought he was just horny, did ya?” Willy replies, sounding very tickled by it all. There’s a gentle tap at the small of Sam’s back, though from how warm and smooth it is he thinks it might have been the belly of Willy’s pipe, casually knocked against him.

“Aye it was a nice tradition. Stopped about a handful o’ years before you came to town, methinks. Why, sometimes I’d be actin’ up just to give ‘em a reason to punish me!”

They both laugh. Sam tries to wrap his head around a younger Willy, maybe even around his own age, getting locked up in the stocks and fucked. It’s pretty much impossible to fathom. Not because of the stocks… but just because a young Willy seems weird.

No, the stocks is… well uh… he kind of enjoys it.

A lot.

A whole fucking lot.

Enough so that he starts to whine and angle his ass back. The two abruptly fall silent in surprise. There’s a second of quiet in which Sam muses that it’s a good thing he’s started feeling slutty while Gus and Willy were around. Those two were without a doubt the nicest about it. Well, them and Harvey.

But Harvey wouldn’t be caught on the town square fucking a whore. Though the way they positioned the stocks, he’s been able to look right at the clinic and see the blinds flick an awful lot…

“Well I suppose he’s right! No time like the present, or what say you, old pal?”

“Aye. We’ve been awfully rude, I think. The way I remember it, you just want to keep going and going and going…”

Willy trails off. Sam is basically vibrating on the spot, nervous and excited in equal measures. He’s never much thought about fucking either of them, but then again, he hadn’t thought about fucking old Mister Mulner either and that’s been kinda… yeah. He kinda liked it? The whole… insulting thing?

Someone has stepped close to his back. He cranes his neck and tries to see but it is impossible with the wooden board in the way. A warm cock is slapped against the small of his back and slowly fucked against his spine and the top of his ass crack. After just a couple passes it leaves behind a fine, sticky trail.

It feels heavy, he thinks. Not that he’s had a lot of situations where someone just hot dogged his ass. Yeah though… it’s Gus, right? Right.

“Shit,” he whispers under his breath, letting his head hang and angling his ass further up. He forgets all about being hungry and thirsty in favor of a nice fuck being practically dangled in front of his nose.

“Ah. I came at just the right time,” Willy chuckles. He sounds pleased as pie. “The lad’s pussy has been well and truly taken care of. Very well lubed, aye. Just perfect to slide… right in.”

The cock moves down, glans poking at the small of Sam’s back, then sliding even further down and slipping between his ass cheeks. His mouth opens in a whorish little ‘o’. He blinks slowly. There are shoes in front of him again, then knees and then Gus’ face. The bartender gently pats his cheek while Willy is sliding into his hole in one slow, luxurious push.

“AAhh… creamy and warm. You got a wonderful little peach on you, lad. Any sailor’s dream, I tell you that!”

Sam opens his mouth but all that comes out is a whining little moan. He’s fucked around with Sebastian before but this amount of cock is completely unprecedented – and he finds that he is quickly getting addicted to it.

Big cock? Small cock? Straight? Crooked? He doesn’t fucking care. It turns out that getting dicked down is what matters most. Will he never again smear the walls of the bathhouse with permanent marker?

Uh… they’ll have to just see. He might have to come up with better things in the future. Stuff that nets him an even longer time in the stocks. If the guys are willing to fuck him over like this during the day – what will they do at night when everything is nice and dark? The thought of Morris coming back with nobody around and the darkness to conceal the shit he gets up to… Sam gets a bit woozy thinking about it.

It’s a good thing that Gus and Willy are there now. They’re kind. They’re grounded. They can calm Sam’s frying nerves.

He thinks.

[ultramagicalternate]

ULTRAMagic Interval Chapter 23

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Master Post - Patreon

“Hey, Sam? You don’t think Orion’s going to go rummaging through my stuff, do you? I mean, like my personal stuff…”

“I don’t think he would, Will. He didn’t come off as that kind of kid.” Sam then set her drawing tablet down on the lounge table. “Boyo, you realize the elephant in the room, right?”

“Yes?”

“We technically have a child now…”

Will stood up, stretched a little, and walked over to the windows to lean on the sills. “One that ‘convinced’ us to adopt him, but yes.”

Sam twiddled her thumbs, then took a breath to steady her nerves. “Will, are… When are we going to get married?”

This caught Will off guard, causing a small tinge of adrenaline to enter his veins. “Well, that… um, yes?”

“Will, we’ve been together since 2018 and have adopted a son. I think the time is finally upon us.”

Will laughed with a hint of anxiety and joy. “OF COURSE” he cried, blushing a bit. “Obviously I want to marry you… it’s just, do I have to propose right this second?”

“Of course not. Let’s wait until there isn’t a target on your back.” She then got up and went over to him, setting her hand on his shoulder. “Also relax, I fully understand what you’re going through… I’m going through it too, remember?” This made both of them laugh, given how ridiculous things had become.

“I love you, Sam. You’ve been there for me and I can’t imagine a world without you.”

Sam gave him a hug in response. “Hey, this goes both ways. Even after everything we’ve gone through here, you’re still a beacon of positivity. How do you manage to pull it off?” she said as she lightly pinched his nose and wiggled it.

Will giggled and broke away to pace. “Well you know me: I have no reason to be negative. Nothing would get done.”

“Exactly. You know, I just realized we should probably knock off the adult stuff, the little of it we do…”

“Err, yeah.”

“And no more hanging out with other succubi, Boyo.”

He paused, accepting the call out. “To be fair, that was in 2020 and… 2020 was a cursed year.”

Sam nodded, a bit concessionary. “Uh-huh, no two ways about that one.”

Buster then entered the lounge, completely unnoticed barring the noises of the cape of his true form. “Hey guys! I’m not interrupting anything, am I?”

“Ah, hey, Buster,” Will welcomed, a little startled.

“Not at all,” Sam replied. “What’s up?”

Buster gave his throat a light clearing, highlighting the strange, subtle echo his voice had in his current state. “Jackson wants to see you and I, Sam. Apparently Elaine found something…”

“Oh shoot, Elaine’s here?” Will interrupted.

“Nope, sorry. She’s still in The Unlight.”

“Aw, bummer.” Will then looked at Sam with curiosity. “Wait, is that where she’s been disappearing too? Did you know?”

Sam sighed with a lurking feeling on her chest. “Yeah. Ellen asked me not to say and, well, you know my feelings towards all that. Buster, does this relate to you and me specifically?”

“Possibly. Jackson and Fractal seemed to be pushing towards that.”

Sam bubbled her lips out of frustration. “Alright, let’s go…”

“It probably won’t be that bad” Will tried to assure her as they left the room.

“Oh, Will, how’d it go with Orion last night?” Buster inquired.

“Great apparently. Antonio called this morning and said he’s been enjoying some of my older games. And I guess he’s got a bit of magic potential according to Randalph.” After making their way to the end of an empty hall, Will remembered something. “Hey, how are those interviews going?”

“Fantastic,” Buster replied as the three approached a checkpoint. “Everyone’s been a blast to work with. We even convinced Reynard and Trumna to do some skits with us for the video compiling everything.”

Given that the three were heading towards Anomaly Containment, security personnel were everywhere. Naturally each of them had to verify their credentials at a security gate. The guards were kind and patient as they swiped their cards and looked into an iris scanner. Once everything was cleared up, the trio were allowed to proceed, with Buster leading the way. Olivia soon met up with them and led them to a receptionist desk before heading to the laboratory where Jackson was.

Anomaly Containment was a strange place to say the least. Guards were all over the place and the employees looked a little on edge. The walls and floors were sleeker than usual, allowing for no gaps or cracks whatsoever. While the four waited at reception, Will took a look around. He had heard of the section during prior visits to M.A.I.G., but the closest he had ever gotten was Bran’s laboratory. The soft, fluorescent lights seemed calming, but the whole area felt dangerous regardless.

Watching the researchers move about, Will noticed some were carrying strange objects and artifacts. A scientist with dark hair and a short beard stepped over to Will and asked if he could touch the gem in the middle of a tablet real quickly. The object seemed to relate to fae-folk and it was up in the air if it would react to a dullahan. After it glowed for a brief moment, the scientist thanked Will and walked off. That experiment had given Will the heebeegeebees and annoyingly he started spotting a shadow person out of the corner of his eyes, unsure if it was an anomaly or if he was seeing things.

“Alright, you four are clear to head to Lab-BX1,” the receptionist stated as she hit enter on her computer’s keyboard. “What’s the matter, Mr. Ford?”

“Well, um, I keep seeing a… shadow person here and there…”

The receptionist sighed and pressed a button on her phone’s receiver. “Reception to containment squads, The Earl of Shadows is out again.”

“I take it he’s a regular troublemaker?” Buster wondered.

“You could say that. Thankfully he’s one of our more benign guests… Mr. Ford, did you see him after you touched the tablet Dr. Arntz was carrying?” He nodded, with the receptionist pressing a different button on the receiver. “Gerrit, Mr. Ford started seeing the earl after he touched the gem, make a note of that.”

Buster indicated for his friends to follow him. “Best of luck to all of you, Ms. Dreessen.”

Over at the lab, Jackson was leaning against a countertop and fiddling with his communicator. It was in the style of a flip phone, so he kept opening and closing it. “Hey, guys! Glad you could make it” he said as the group entered through the double doors.

“Sorry I took so long, Jack,” Buster replied as the others looked around.

“Don’t worry about it, the object of interest ain’t going anywhere.”

“Huh, this looks like a standard chem lab, truth be told,” Will noted.

“Well hey, sometimes all you need is the basics,” Jackson said as he put a large canvas bag on the center countertop. “Now Sam, I don’t mean to dredge up bad memories, but we could really use your help on this one…”

Sam gave an exasperated sigh. “It’s alright. What’s in the bag?”

“Right…” Jackson unzipped the bag and pulled out what looked like a longsword made of a bone-like material. He could see the stunned look on Buster and Sam’s faces. “I assume you guys recognize this blade then?”

Buster was taken aback as he picked up the sword. “This… this is Odo’s sword!”

“Really? Um, who’s Odo?”

Sam nodded, looking like she had seen a ghost. “Oh yeah, that’s his…”

Jackson then patted his sides. “Well that’s the quickest answer to something I’ve ever seen. Seriously though, is Odo a family member or something?”

“He’s my older brother,” Buster answered as he studied the blade. It was in perfect condition despite the dirt here and there.

“So that’s really his?” Olivia inquired. “What’s it doing here?”

“Normally us Vector-Children have these manifest as a part of our being, so you’ll have to forgive me for being unsure myself.” Buster then turned to Sam, who was averting her gaze slightly. “Morrigan, you were right. Odo has to be alive still if this is here with us. It’s the only way I could be holding it…”

Sam turned away and crossed her arms. “Well of course he’s still alive. He survived the Tyrant War after all. Blood made sure of that…”

“Sam, can you tell us more?” Will wondered.

“Again, not to push a sore subject, but any info you have would help,” Jackson added. “Matters like these are fairly important to M.A.I.G. It’s in the name, heh.”

It was a little tough for Sam to work up the nerve to talk, but a reflection of Morrigan nodding encouragingly gave her the push she needed. “Jack, what does Elaine have to do with this, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“Well back in 2022, we approached her about joining M.A.I.G. after finding out she was in The Unlight. Since we want to start looking into that realm on dad’s suggestion, we figured it would be a mutual relationship. We can keep tabs on Elaine and she can provide us data on that insane realm.”

“I see…” Sam then took a seat at the counter and sighed again. “I personally didn’t capture Odo, but I did give the order to do so.”

“Why, Sam?” Will asked.

“Oh, just some awful entity from the Realm of Chaos called Karnage the Traitor who tricked me into thinking the ULTRAMagic Guild needed to be overturned to protect the Cosmos. One thing led to another and he resurrected a rogue god that should have stayed dead…” Her tone sounded like she could have started crying, but Sam maintained her composure. “If you want the full story of the Tyrant War, have Elaine go talk to the ULTRAMagic Guild about it, Jack. Given that I didn’t realize what was going on until it was too late, I vowed to never return to the Unlight. I'm in no position to recount the event…”

Seeing how distressed she was, Will took Sam into his arms and hugged her. “It’s going to be alright, Sam…”

“Boyo, you’re hugging someone who nearly destroyed the Cosmos.”

“Don’t care. We’ve come this far, haven’t we?”

“Yeah,” she agreed as she broke away.

“So, can we still go to the Unlight, like you promised?”

“Shoot, I did promise that, didn’t I?”

Will nodded. “Didn’t you say the other day we can’t run from our pasts?”

After giving him a mildly incredulous look for a moment, Sam pulled Will in for a kiss. “I had a feeling you’d say that.”

“Um, hey, Morrigan?” Buster interjected. “I forgive you.”

Sam was not expecting that in the slightest. “Eh? Come again? Just like that?”

“I mean, Sam, we’re all best friends. Yeah, I was angry for a while so long ago, but I’ve gotten the chance to know you. And it’s clear it wasn’t actually your fault.”

With a smile on her face, Sam shook her head. “You boys are too sweet, you know that, right?” Will and Buster chuckled in response.

Buster then looked over, noticing Olivia off to the side. “What’s wrong, Olivia?”

“Oh, nothing…” she replied as she fiddled with some instruments.

Jackson could sense what was up, feeling a bit awkward. “Yeah, right. I’m gonna go shoot Elaine a text real quickly…” he said as he headed for the side room.

“Alright then…” Buster turned his attention back to Olivia. “What’s the matter? I know you too well for there not to be something up.”

She chuckled as she set down the instrument. “Persistent as ever… Oh, I don’t know. I just feel like I’m lagging behind, I guess…”

“How so?”

“Well I mean look at you! All of you, arm cannon and cape. Me? All I have is my good looks…”

“So? That doesn’t change anything. Not to get all mushy, but I love you no matter what.”

Olivia gave a light sigh. “My grandfather was Amadeus Briggs and all I can do is get in the way…”

Buster put his hand on her shoulder. “We can change that. Want to learn magic?”

“Oh, I don’t know…”

“Olivia, you’re smart, pretty, and a hard worker. You can do anything you set your mind to, especially if you have the patience to deal with us, ha.”

She giggled and hugged Buster. “Why do you always have to be so plucky, you big goofball?”

Sam chuckled as she walked over to look at Jackson’s documents. “I mean come on, Olivia: you live with mages and demons. How hard can it be?”

“Fair point, Sam.”

“Hey, boyo, how old is Elaine again?” Sam asked.

“Um, hold on… 31,” Will answered. I always considered her one of the big kids back in elementary school.”

“And how old’s Jack?”

“34.”

Sam slowly nodded as she sifted through the papers, noticing curious personal notes on them. “Indeed… a little older, but I guess it’ll do…”

Jackson then reentered the room as if on cue. “Alright, Elaine’s heading to the guild as we speak…”

“Jack, pardon my asking, but are you dating Elaine?” This had everyone’s attention.

He went a little red in the face once he realized that he had left his documents out in the open, promptly snatching them up. “Er, yes, no! I mean, we’ve been talking a lot recently…” Will gave him a surprised look, which Jackson immediately noticed. “Hey, she has a lot of cool things to talk about, what can I say?”

Sam and Olivia looked like they were both about to start teasing Jackson when the conversation was interrupted by the wall alarms flashing red and sounding off. “ALERT: ANOMALY TRANSFER IN PROGRESS” a computerized voice announced.

“Oh hey, Anderson’s finally arriving. Come on, let’s go see what’s up,” Jackson said as he led everyone out of the lab.

Buster sheathed Odo’s sword at his side as they left. “Jackson, can I keep this blade, since it's my brother’s?”

“I guess so, just make sure you tell the higher ups. I don’t see why you couldn’t.”

The group made their way to a loading bay where a large truck was opening its trailer. Signal alarms were going off everywhere as Anomaly Containment staff got into position. Stepping out of the trailer (which looked more like a small containment cell on the inside) was what appeared to be a shadow construct. This one looked older, however, like it came from a different era. If Sebastian’s constructs could be considered modernity, then this one could have easily been placed in the 18th or 19th century. From what could be overheard, the construct was complaining about M.A.I.G. not being up to his standards, compared to The ACF.

Sam got a good look at it and realized it seemed familiar. “Wait, is that one of Dunja’s constructs? I thought they all got wiped out…”

“Well let’s ask,” Jackson insisted as he looked around, soon spotting exactly who he wanted. He gave a quick whistle. “Hey, Sirius!”

Fractal was amongst the researchers and came walking over. “Ah, Jackson and company! Good to see you all on this… rather hectic day. How’s things going on your end?”

“Great. We confirmed who the vector sword belonged to. Also Sam’s wondering who made Anderson.”

“I see you have a great deal of experience with Shadow Constructs, Morrigan…”

She sighed once more. “Unfortunately…”

“Well Anderson, ACF-040, is one of the shadow constructs that escaped the final battle for Shadowland so long ago. The team organized by Prince Barna Schindewolf was fairly thorough when Milosh Proch tried to fight back against the destruction of The Eternal Church, but it appears some constructs slipped through the cracks. It’s no surprise that it was one of Dunja’s creations that managed to survive. As for Anderson, evidently he made his way to Earth in the 50s, developing proper intelligence as he went along and would become what we have dubbed as a level 2 construct.”

“Wow…” Sam was unsure how to feel, but was impressed regardless. “So what’s he being brought in for?”

“ACF-008.”

Jackson shuddered. “Jeez, that thing…”

“It’s that bad?” Will questioned. “What is it?”

“Top secret, and trust me, you don’t want to know. As an aside, if Anderson can’t figure it out, we’re handing 08 off to The Liger Brigade.”

“I don’t know how to feel about that…” Will was a little worried for some reason, like something was watching him just then. “So why is Anderson so different from the other constructs we’ve encountered?”

“Despite the shadow orb being a fairly profane act, Dunja was a master craftsman,” Fractal answered. “We would be in legitimate trouble if Sebastian were able to match her caliber. Here’s hoping he stays at Milosh’s level…”

“Yeah, considering Anderson can take a hit,” Jackson put in. “I’ve seen it myself.”

Fractal could see that the group looked concerned. “How about we go to talk to Anderson himself? You will all find that he’s actually quite the people person…”

Next: Chapter 24

ULTRAMagic Alternate © 2022 William Ford II (ChaoticTempleKnight)

[dominimoonbeam]

Bite to Bruise - 28

This work is mine and I do not give consent for my works to be used, copied, published, or posted without my permission. I am sharing chapters as I work on this story but it is copyrighted material that I plan to rework and publish when completed.

story tags: modern-fantasy mashup, werewolves, witches, monsters, romance, learning to trust, hurt/comfort, blood, violence, explicit sex, explicit language

The earlier parts can be found under the tag or over on patreon. <3

BITE TO BRUISE - CHAPTER 28.

Bellamy sat on the floor, legs crossed and fingers tracing loops on the doorframe.

She didn’t realize she was humming at first. It wasn’t really her. It was the echo of something in the craft. The first time she had portalled had been an accident, an act of desperation, that took her from the arms of danger and dropped her in the autumn cold of the woods.

She still remembered that deep loneliness and betrayal woven into pain and bloodshed. She had pressed her little cheek to the icy ground, looking for solace. The roots and dirt sang to her, soothing, coming out as a hum in her own throat.

It took her years to learn to portal at will, to turn that reflex into a reliable ability.

Ever sat on the floor of the room with her, his back to the wall and his eyes on her every move. He had asked how she did what she did, and she had tried to explain. It came out a lot like a bird trying to explain flying, though. There was no science to it that they knew. They flew because they had wings and it was either that or fall.

She wove magic because it was in her to do it, and it was either that or die. The magic had to come out and her ability grew stronger with every use. It wasn’t a well that could be tapped. It was her. Like muscle. Use it or lose it. Lose it and die.

“Will you need to work on it from the other side?” he asked.

Bellamy nodded. “Soon.” She took her hand away from the frame and sighed. She could see the spellcraft on the door, but she knew he couldn’t. She wasn’t sure anyone but another witch could see it. Maybe the midnights and the sunrisen? Maybe not. Midnights had been known to have their own magic, something even stranger than hers. But there had never been any stories about sunrisen magic, not as craft anyway. It was hard not to call their abilities magic, though. They flew, after all. Some with wings of feathers and some with wings of light, and they were known to wield weapons just as intangible to other hands. What was that, if not a sort of magic?

She sighed and turned to look at her wolf. He was waiting for her gaze, like he had known it was coming his way—or maybe he had just been watching her all that time.

“I had an idea,” Bellamy said.

Ever raised an eyebrow, his mouth quirking with a smile.

Bellamy rolled onto her knees and crawled that short distance to him, resettling in his lap, facing him.

The quirk was a full smile now, his arms around her waist. “If your idea is to fuck in my brother’s room, I think I’m finally going to disappoint you…”

Bellamy laughed, her arms curling around the back of his neck. “No. I was thinking we could try warding some of the houses against shades, so they can’t get inside. Of course, there are obvious risks…”

“Such as?”

Bellamy frowned. “Well, if they have the time, they might just knock the house down or burn it… No ward would stop them from being able to do that and once the certain beams were broken, the ward would fall.”

Ever frowned. That was a risk, but at least it would come with a warning, as opposed to shades simply walking into their homes. “Why didn’t you ward your cottage against them, if it’s something you can do?” She clearly hadn’t, since Soren had tossed the little place looking for Piper.

Bellamy ran her fingertips along the back of his neck. “I’d need shade blood to create a ward like that. …A lot of shade blood, actually.”

Ever’s hands reflexively squeezed her hips, but his yellow eyes considered it.

“We can dig up Soren when the ground thaws, if you’re willing to try making the wards for us, that is.”

Soren. She resisted the urge to rub at the side of her neck. The bruising from his bites were almost gone, but the cuts were still healing. She didn’t like the idea of releasing him from his grave even if it was just to bleed him for a while before putting him back. He knew what she was. If he got loose…

“We don’t have to do it,” Ever said, somehow reading her worry on her face. And then he grinned, wolfish. “Or we could find a new shade. From the sound of things, it shouldn’t be hard to get our hands on another one.”

Bellamy wrinkled her nose. Blackwell and Primrose. Ever had told her about the call and his current situation with Florian Blackwell.

Florian had been the same shade looking for that box with the midnight curse on it, the one leaving deep scars curling up her arm. Bellamy wished she had been nosier as a seeker of lost things… It might help to know now what had been inside that damned box.

If she wasn’t such a coward, could she do more than just ward houses for Ever? If she wasn’t so scared of the shades realizing what she was and where she was, could she protect them? Had she ever been able to do anything more than run?

Ever fingered her hair back from her face, stroking her scalp. “Come back,” he whispered.

She blinked, meeting those deep yellow eyes and realizing that she’d been too deep in thought.

He smiled gently. “Where did you go?”

“Nowhere,” she lied.

He touched her neck and dragged a thumb across her jaw. “If the shades come again, you can portal, right? You can go to that house of yours on the sea.”

She stared at him. Was he really giving her permission to run? To abandon him when the next threat came?

Of course, he was.

The real question was, when had she stopped wanting to run?

He cupped her cheek, like she was precious. “Drop the glamour for me?” he asked so softly.

For a second, she thought she’d misheard him. “Why?”

He sighed, his other hand still on her hip, his thumb rolling circled against her skin not unlike the circles she’d been tracing into her spell. Was her wolf a witch, enchanting her? It felt like it sometimes. “I want to kiss you.”

Bellamy grinned. “Then kiss me. These lips are better.”

The last hints of his smile faded.

She leaned back to look at his whole face, his whole expression. That crease was in his brow—the one he got when he was worried or overthinking something. “This glamour doesn’t cost me anything to hold up,” she said. It wasn’t entirely true but it wasn’t a complete lie either. It didn’t cost her much. She had built it off herself so long ago that it was second nature to hold it up. It was more than a mask. It was her to some extent. “It’s not a falsehood or a stolen face,” she tried to explain. It wasn’t like when she had pretended to be Piper.

Ever watched her carefully, nodding slowly. He still had a hand to the side of her face, fingertips ghosting against skin. “And I love it. This face, this skin, this body you made. They are beautiful and they are you, Bellamy. But you made this to survive, right? To hide?”

She unlaced her arms from around his neck, sitting taller in his lap. Her hands settled against his chest, not completely retracting from him. She could lie. It wasn’t like he would call her on it. But what was the point if she did? She had created Bellamy to give herself a safe way to interact with the world—a way to hide Wren. And now? Wren was still her, that broken face and scarred body was hers, always. She had still worn it when she was alone. But it had become a secret, something to hide.

“You don’t have to,” Ever said, watching her think with those cunning fenrir eyes.

“I know that,” she snapped, but it was toothless.

His hand settled against the side of her neck, as if covering that healed bite with his palm. He wouldn’t even be able to feel the scabs with her glamour up.

“You’ve seen it,” Bellamy countered. He had seen her true form more than anyone else in her adult life.

“You,” he corrected gently. “I’ve seen you.”

“So why do you want to look again? If you’re worried about the wounds, they’re mostly healed. I told you—”

“I want to kiss you.”

She stared at him, his eyes and then his mouth and then back to his eyes.

That quirk of a smile pulled at the corner of his lips.

She smirked back. “Well, I promise, this mouth is better for that.”

His almost-smile fell. “Why?”

The icy wind outside battered the wall and rattled the window in its frame.

“You don’t have to share Wren with me,” Ever said. “But I want you to know you can. I’ve seen you, witch.” He touched her mouth, fingertip stroking her bottom lip over a scar he could not possibly feel through this glamour down to where it ended on her chin. Had he memorized it from those moments he’d seen her true face? “You are devastating in every form you take.”

Devastating.

She shivered. Yes. She felt devastating. How did he make that sound good?

Bellamy stood up and stepped back.

His arms unraveled from her, never even trying to stop her from breaking contact.

His head rolled back against the wall to look up at her standing over him like it was the most natural thing.

She swallowed down her hesitations and held out her hand for him.

He took it and rose to his feet, letting her lead him out of Sunny’s old bedroom and down the hall, to his.

It was easier to drop the glamour with her back to him, to lose height between steps, her legs shorter and paler, his shirt suddenly larger on her body.

She tried not to look down at herself—tried not to think about it—but it was impossible. She was cataloguing the ruin of her body as he might not be seeing it.

That deep scar down her thigh, puckering skin and ending at her knee. She’d gotten into a scrap when she was a teen with some rays and fallen hard, portaling in a panic only to come out the other end tumbling down a rocky hillside. She’d gotten the cut from the rocks, not the rays. If she’d held her ground rather than run away, she might have saved herself from that one. Or she might have died… Hard to say in hindsight.

His thumb stroked the back of her knuckles, one less finger in his hand.

Most of her scars had stories attached, good ones, wild ones. She had seen most of the world and gotten in trouble just about everywhere she went. She was a seeker, after all. She found lost things, sometimes lost people. Her favorite hunts had been for intangible things, songs and words lost by immortals. She had a card for just about every library with public access and a few private ones too. But she’d never told anyone any of those stories.

They walked into his bedroom and he kicked the door shut with a soft click, his fingers gently touching her hair and sending a wave of chills down her spine. Why did it feel different? It was the same hair, just black now and flatter.

He had seen her before, but a part of her still hesitated to face him.

Her face had been a secret since she was a child.

It was hers. Precious only to her. Her body was covered in the receipts of a secret life. Bellamy had no scars because nothing could hurt her—nothing could ever really touch her. But Wren? Wren had felt everything. Wren remembered everything. Wren had been broken over and over, often healing wrong. Her cheekbone was misshapen and the bridge of her nose had a crook. She’d been young then and hadn’t known to try to set anything straight. She’d been too scared to touch those breaks, afraid of the pain.

With a sigh, she let go of his hand, dragging it through her hair like there was any way to change this moment. He had asked. He had wanted to see her. If he rejected her now… Well, she would do what she was great at. She would run. But even in her own mind, behind the walls of denial, she knew there would be a heartbreak she could never outrun.

She turned around, like it was nothing, like she wasn’t a coward, and he wasn’t gorgeous staring down at her ruined form. Wren. Devastation was right.

She crossed one arm under her smaller breasts, grabbing hold of her other arm above the bandages. They weren’t as thick as they had been just a few days ago. The deep cuts from the iron curse were healing well. She’d leave off the bandage in a few days to let those scabs finish healing in open air.

The shirt she wore hung off one boney shoulder.

Ever didn’t turn his attention immediately to the healing wound on her neck like he had the last time she let him see through her glamour. This wasn’t the same. This wasn’t about making sure she was patched up. She hadn’t realized until his gaze started freely roaming her skin, that he had tried not to before.

A couple times she thought for sure he’d ask about a scar and was surprised to realize how much she wanted to tell him those stories. Adventures and close calls. No one had ever caught or caged her, not since Baron and she hadn’t known she was caged then.

Her skin rose and tingled everywhere his gaze went.

He brought his hand up slowly to her face, fingertips pushing aside black hair and his thumb gently tracing the misshapen bone in her nose and then the other in her cheek. He had seen these when they were fresh. She had gotten them in the struggle with Baron, or maybe in the aftermath when she brought down the ceiling. It was a haze of panic, betrayal, and pain to her now. And then that same thumb returned to her mouth, ghosting over the thick scar there in her bottom lip down to her chin.

Wren turned her face up, not down. She parted her lips and drew a breath to answer that unspoken question about where, when, and how.

Ever leaned in and kissed her. It wasn’t the slow lean and linger where he’d wait for her to close the distance and kiss him like he’d done so many times before. It wasn’t a quiet offer or a tentative reassurance. He kissed her like he’d been searching for her and afraid he’d never find her.

It tasted like desperation, breathing life into a part of her she didn’t know was dying.

She grabbed at his shoulders, practically pulling herself up him. His arms were there, quick to wrap around and lift her against him. Nothing significant had changed about how he touched her. There was no unease or new caution. They kissed like they hadn’t been doing exactly this every day since the snowfall began, like they’d both been deprived for too long.

In a few steps, he was dropping forward with her onto the bed, her arms still around the back of his neck when she landed on the mattress. He sucked and licked at the scar in her lip before finally breaking the kiss to pull her shirt up and off of her, leaving her in nothing but a pair of underwear on his bed beneath him.

He pushed her back flat, those yellow eyes darting over her skin.

Ever leaned down, pressing his face to her sternum, between her small breasts, and dragged in a deep breath like he was trying to fill his lungs with her. The mattress on either side of her groaned with the phantom of his wolf, a low rumble in his chest and vibrating from his mouth into her skin as he dragged his lips lower.

She realized he was scenting her without that layer of the glamour over her, masking her.

Wren shivered at that new and intoxicating sense of exposure.

He groaned against her stomach and curled fingers into her underwear, dragging them off her. He licked that deep scar in her thigh, and then ghosted teeth across her hip, making her gasp and squirm, one hand shooting down to burying digits in his hair.

Before she could ask a question she damn well knew the answer to, he had his face between her thighs and his tongue inside her.

The witch arched, eyes closing and fingers twisting in his hair.

He pushed his tongue deeper and rumbled another eager growl, making her shudder.

[ottertooferswriting]

Unbroken Chain's rewrite Teaser.

One of my first fandoms, and first fanfictions posted to AO3 all the way back in 2014 was a ThorinxFem Bilbo hobbit fic. I'm rewriting it. Lol I highly doubt those who may have read it in the past will find it here but to the new readers hello!

I have currently rewritten 4 of 10 chapters, which are all posted on my Patreon, which is available for a single doubloon a month for early access to fics. (currently BG3 and Hobbit content mostly) I won't be posting the rewrite to AO3 until its completely done.

Relationship: ThorinxFem Bilbo

Wordcount: roughly 900

Tags: Slavery, Angst, Slowburn, Fem Bilbo, BAMFBilbo.

Summary: Bilba Baggins is living in bag end a few years before the quest for Erebor is due to begin, when her cousin Lobelia buys a dwarf from the slave traders in Buckland and brings him home.

For a few weeks there’s just idle chatter about it, but then one day after the initial talk and their first meeting, Bilba sees the dwarf again after the time spent in her relatives care.

Overcome at the cruelty of her cousin and the state the dwarf is in, she rescues the slave from Lobelia and takes him home to Bag End with her to nurse him back to health; not knowing the adventure she has welcomed to her doorstep through her act of kindness.

Ch1 teaser below.

Whisper’s about Lobelia Sackville-Baggins' latest blatant flaunt of her family's newfound wealth found its way to Bilba’s ears within a day of her purchase. Her cousin was always finding new and exotic or fanciful items to bring home and gloat about over tea with the neighbors and Bilba was sure it would be some time before she received an invitation. As Lobelia’s most despised family member, she would be the last to see her ‘exciting’ new treasure as a slight to her social status. 

Her cousin tired of the new things quickly and ended up selling or tossing them away. Though not before the snooty hobbitess had a chance to show it off to everyone that had an ounce of social clout within the boundaries of the Shire. This would not be anything to fuss over with a typical purchase of embroidered hats decorated with dyed feathers; or engraved silverware that was obviously meant to outshine the set that had been passed down through the Baggin’s hands for generations. However, this was not a typical bauble. 

Bilba did not care overmuch about social niceties or any such bothersome details when it came to the Sackville-Baggins. She was a direct Baggins by her father’s blood, not one by name alone through marriage. She had more important things to worry about than being high on the ‘invite to tea’ list of one particular lady of the Shire. 

Though it was not only polite to accept an invitation to tea, in this particular instance the hobbitess had been plagued by an uncomfortable pull in her gut that had not left her alone since the news first circulated throughout the gossip circles. She found herself awaiting the invitation with something approaching foreboding. A niggling in the back of her mind that had grown into a whisper that not all was well. It was an unsettling realization to the Baggin’s heir to find her ‘prickle’ that had awoken during the Great Winter when wolves had come across the frozen river to feast on Hobbit flesh pressing on her heart to check on her kin’s escapade. 

Nearly two weeks passed before Bilba found herself seated in an overstuffed chair in the modestly sized but increasingly well furnished living room of the Sackville-Baggins smial. Sipping tea that had purposefully gone lukewarm, nibbling three day old biscuits and making small talk while hardly listening to what her cousin was saying was out of place for one of her infrequent visits in only one aspect. She was usually quite on top of parsing out the hidden meaning and subtle barbs laced into Lobelia’s speeches. One too many times the hobbitess had tried to twist words and meanings to get something she wanted. 

It was rather like a standoff with a particularly nasty goose. One wrong move and you’d find yourself with a fresh bruise and only some idea of how things went sour. Bilba could hardly concentrate. Her chest was aching, her fingers tingling, her ear tips twitching. There was something going on that was far above the usual petty cruelty her cousin was known for and the longer the other hobbit drug out the game she liked to play the worse it became. Bilba was on the verge of snapping at the woman to just come out with whatever she had been brought to see when the infuriating hobbitess finally said something noteworthy. 

Lobelia had an unbearably smug look on her face. The expression sent a thrill of nervous energy through Bilba’s body as she took in the twist of the woman’s shapely lips and the calculatingly detached gleam in her eyes. That look never boded well for whom it was directed. When her cousin picked up a small brass bell and shook it as a summons, the first reaction that Bilba could muster was disbelief. That feeling swiftly gave way to dawning horror as the rasp of cheap cloth and the clink of metal rubbing against itself fell on her sensitive hearing. 

Broad shoulders pulled into a slight but unnatural hunch due to the configuration of the chains on his wrists and ankles. Long dark hair that was in desperate need of a wash and combing obscured most of the males face. Ratty, threadbare clothing that was made out of what looked to be old sack cloth strained in some places on the dirty frame and hung loose in others. As her cousin’s purchase made his way into the living room; it was all Bilba could do to stop the gasp of stunned outrage from escaping her throat. 

The ‘treasure’ that her cousin had brought home was not a pretty knick knack or a new stitching of lace, but a person. A dwarf to be precise. Tall for his kind, gaunt and worse for wear in appearance. The face of the male was down turned in subjugation and covered with near matted locks as his only feasible form of shield. Despite the attempt to hide, Bilba could just make out the line of a proud nose, strong jaw framed in a close cropped dark beard and thick brows pulled down in a furrow of displeasure. His cheeks were sunken from lack of good food and an all over air of neglect seemed to hang about the male. He struck a rather pitiful figure standing there waiting to be addressed by the hobbitess that had bought him from who knew where. And yet. 

 Bilba could not take her eyes away. Something was hiding, under the dirt and dried blood. There was a quality about the dwarf before her that struck the hobbitess as regal.

[waynes-multiverse]

I read a little of this on Patreon, but never got to finish it all the way (say hi to my teething toddler 👋), so I'm so excited to dive fully into the big finale! I'm so excited to see what you did with it!! 😍

Just a couple of hours ago, you were a crying mess in this very bed.

Love that you picked this up just a couple of hours later! It's like you're giving us a deleted scene as a bonus with extra insights and we finally get to see what happened and what they talked about 🫶

“Dean, we need to do better,” you say. “From now on, we need to be honest with each other, or we’re not going to get through what comes next. We’re going to keep hurting the people we love, including each other.”

I love that she said this! Shows how much maturity they both have gone through since being those kids that accidentally got pregnant 👌

“All right, here it is,” he says. “After I thought you turned me down the first time, I met Lisa. Sam had mentioned some things that started to turn my head around on how I was living, all the hookups, the boozing, that kind of thing. I knew I’d screwed up with you, not calling you after we had our thing. So, I wanted to see if I could try something steady with someone, you know?” “The more I tried to make it work with Lisa, the harder it was.” He chuckles humorlessly. “Well, that part you know. Looking back, it was probably because I still wanted you. But every time Lisa and I broke up for some stupid shit, I felt like more of a fuckup. And every time I thought of you and me, and what that could be like, I uh…I guess I was afraid of being turned down again. Or worse, afraid of fucking up your life even more.”

Yup, exactly what I always thought. Makes total sense for him, too. (And that he interpret what Sam said completely wrong – he didn't mean pick anyone and settle, ya idjit 😆🙈)

I absolutely love that they had this conversation and were so honest, even with topics that aren't particularly fun for anyone, but they pushed through and grew together here as well 💕

Dean sobers. He knows you’re right, even if he has to stamp out a stab of jealousy. He feels sorry for his friend too…even if part of him selfishly can’t feel that sorry about getting to be with you.

And honestly that's totally fair. I already told you my thoughts on Benny. Still think he should've asked Dean first. It's not entirely Dean's fault that Benny got hurt 🤷‍♀️

You had loved Benny. You still do. But you realize now, only much too late, that you hadn’t been in love with him.

Yup, a very important difference 👆

“So what you’re saying is,” Dean says, his voice deepening like black velvet as he draws closer. “No one makes you come like I do.”

Of course, babe, of course 😂💚

“O-Oh. Really? Buuuut what about Benny?” he asks.

Love that he doesn't ask about Lisa at all lmao

Dean chuckles. “To start with. I’m thinkin’ more like husband and wife.”

I mean, yeah... Wasn't shocked by this statement at all. You already have a kid together and six years worth of drama. You better lock that shit down now lol

…Until Robbie surges forward into his dad’s arms. Dean immediately wraps his arms around his son and soothes a hand over his head.

“Because the moment I met you, I liked what I saw. I just had the bad luck of him getting to you first.”

Yes, we talked about this! 😆 Poor guy had it bad from the start and then *enter Dean* lol

Throughout that whole conversation I was nodding along and going, "Yup, yup, yup" 😂

He shakes his head. “I saw that look again when I went to visit you at the hospital, the day Robbie was born… Come to think of it, this all could’ve ended that day.”

Praise the Lord!!! 🙏

“But I was selfish,” he admits. “I should’ve gone to my friend and knocked some goddamn sense into him, tell him to talk to you if he really wanted you. To be the man you needed him to be. To truly be there for his family. Now, here we are.”

I love you for working this in!!!!

Benny snorts. “Y’all didn’t waste no time.”

Ouch, but yeah 🙈😝

“That might well be,” he says, “but there are some things that are best left put to rest.”

Ooof, but totally understandable, tho. Would've only been awkward as hell for both of them probably. Some things you really can't come back from ❤️‍🩹

She glances at him with a smile. “Andréa.”

Awww, and Benny found his true love as well 😍 I love that you gave him his own ending as well. It's not something that's done a lot for "disposable" side characters, but I'm glad we get to see him find someone too and not disappear off into the background.

She admits to you that she advised Lisa to break things off with Dean more than once in their “five-year rollercoaster.”

Oh, I bet she did 😂 Good on her!

“But Lisa swore that he just needed time. Time to get the hang of balancing his job, Robbie, and his relationship with her. As much as I love Lisa, I just think she didn’t want to see the signs that he wasn’t in love with her. Not enough to make him stay.”

Love that we get an explanation for Lisa's side as well! Totally makes sense for her too. And choosing Eileen as the medium to deliver this message was so clever!!

“Come on, baby. I know you can open wider than that,” he teases.

He is such a fucking menace istg!!! 🤣

For the sake of unfreezing your feet, the white satin and lace of your dress is bunched up high on your thighs, since you’re not quite ready to take it off yet. Dean has his slacks rolled up halfway to his knees while his feet warm up beside yours.

This is so fucking cute! Love this for them!!! 😍🥹💕

Your daughter is born on January 25th at exactly 12:05 A.M.

N'awwww stop it!!! One day after Dean's birthday, too. They're forever gonna be bonded and she'll always be his baby girl and she'll go running around school telling everyon how great her daddy is 😭🥹 And I'm sure Robbie is a total momma's boy deep down (also because they had a lot of bonding time alone). I love this little family. I'm so happy they figured it all out and get to be together 🥰

(He wanted to avoid the clusterfuck of commotion that happened the first time you were in labor. You had wholeheartedly agreed.)

Thank God. Bless them 😂🫶

Sue you if you refuse to name your child after another rocker, no matter how badass Stevie Nicks is. 

Oh, come on!!! Why???? I LOVE Stevie Nicks! I'm with Dean here lmao

Aww, Alex, this was such a great ending for this little family! You tied it all up nicely and even gave Benny and Lisa a happy end (and people they deserved). Well done, friend! This was no easy job. Truly!! 💜👏

PS: I'm slowly working my way through the tbr and haven't forgotten about the others (or your comments on my fics lol). Just wanted to give you my comments on the ones I haven't read yet first 🥰 Hope you're still enjoying your break, friend! You really have been so incredbily busy, so don't overwork yourself 💜😘

IF I STAY - Epilogue

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Plus-Sized!Reader

Summary: Your dream is to work with kids as an elementary school teacher. Dean is well on his way to becoming a firefighter, keeping things light and “strings unattached” as he goes. After a one-night stand you never saw coming, you and Dean are forced to deal with the consequences…and figure out if the connection between you is worth fighting for.

AN: By popular demand, I wanted to come back to these two for a hot minute, clear up some loose ends, and answer some questions Part 2 might have left behind for you. 😘

Song Inspo: “I Can’t Help Falling in Love” and “It’s Now or Never” by Elvis

Word Count: 6.4K

Tags/Warnings: 18+ only. Major fluff, some spice, angst, hurt/comfort, family feels

❤️‍🔥 If I Stay Masterlist

Epilogue: Soul Surrender

The low familiarity of Arrested Development playing on the TV is the only sound filling your bedroom…other than your giggles. They come out in short bursts even though your body doesn’t stop shaking, twisting away from nimble fingers.

“Dean,” you plead. Your cheeks hurt from laughing but no matter how you try to escape, he follows you. His broad frame and strong arms curl around your waist from behind. His face buries into your neck, and you feel the shape of his smirk there while his fingers slip higher under your shirt and map a constellation across your ribs.

Well, it’s actually his shirt, the white buttoned-down hanging loosely from your frame. It barely covers your ass, and he likes it that way. All the better to tease you with a playful smack of a nice round cheek when the fabric rides up.

Your squeal morphs into more peals of laughter. Involuntary tears well up in your eyes, and one slides down into the pillow underneath your cheek.

“Baby, please—can’t fucking breathe,” you manage to say, panting and wheezing all squeaky-voice.

Finally, his long fingers fall still against your skin. His head perks up, and his smirk softens into a grin.

“Baby?” Dean repeats, quirking a brow at you.

You pause. While you catch your breath, your gaze lowers in an uncertain shade. You shift onto your back, where Dean is only better able to loom above you. Staring up at his handsome face like this still feels a little unreal. Just a couple of hours ago, you were a crying mess in this very bed.

Then there was a knock on your door. When you found Dean standing there looking stressed and desperate, you just couldn’t turn him away; nor could you deny what your heart had been trying to tell you for far too long.

“Uh, sorry, it just came out,” you say with a chuckle.

Before you can ask if it’s too soon for cute pet names, Dean leans down to capture you in a kiss. It’s slow and thorough, sparking a tendril of heat down your spine as his hand slides along your neck, framing your jaw. He thumbs at your chin after he pulls away.

“I like it,” he says. His eyes hold a cheeky gleam.

Your smile gradually reaches beaming proportions. He moves his hand down to your waist, and you squirm a little. You’re still sensitive from how much he teased you before. You grab his hand and bring it back up to your cheek instead.

“You’re more ticklish than Robbie,” Dean remarks. His smirk is back.

“He probably gets it from me,” you confess. Though your hands do some wandering of their own, slipping under the man’s arms and prodding a tuneless sonata along his sides. “But I’m thinking you’re just as bad, tough guy.”

Just as you suspected, Dean flinches and laughs on reflex. “H-Hey! Foul move!”

His deep voice runs higher, full of censure, but it just makes you grin harder. Seeing this big man crumple like a wad of wet paper has you mounting a full-scale attack of revenge. You manage to get Dean twisting over and onto his back, where you take full advantage of his weakness and straddle his lap.

He grabs you by the wrists and pins them together while he pants for breath. You grin down at him victoriously. He chuckles just at that look on your face.

“Think you’ve caught me, huh?” he says.

“I hope so,” you reply.

You soften at your own admission. Dean does too, releasing your wrists so he can get a comfortable hold of your thighs wrapped snug around his hips. You dip down to kiss him just as nice and slow as he treated you, sweet even.

You soon find yourself tumbled down to the bed, rolling to his left side. You huff a laugh at his manhandling, but you let him hold you close and savor the feeling of being here with him. It all happened. It’s still happening. He’s yours.

But…

“What do you think Robbie’s gonna say when we tell him?” Dean asks.

You pull back far enough to see his face, and you stroke his cheek. It’s a little prickly with stubble, but you don’t mind. Actually, the rasp of it against your fingers reminds you of other places it had tingled against your sensitive skin. Your cheeks begin to warm up.

You try to break out of those thoughts, concentrating on answering his question.

“Aw, he’s gonna be happy,” you say. The kid had already been asking the hard questions.

Why aren’t you and Daddy married? Why can’t we all live together? Is Benny gonna move in with us instead?

You do sigh though. “We have to think about how we’re going to tell him. Benny’s been in his life since he was born.”

Dean breathes deeply through his nose, and he nods. He brushes your cheek with the back of his hand, a touch that returns the softer smile to your face.

“Dean, we need to do better,” you say. “From now on, we need to be honest with each other, or we’re not going to get through what comes next. We’re going to keep hurting the people we love, including each other.”

After a beat, he nods solemnly in agreement.

“Yeah, you’re right.”

“So,” you grasp his hand in both of yours. You draw enough courage to ask the question that’s been burning in your mind, ever since the haze of fraught emotions, lust, love, and passion began to ebb from the forefront of your mind, calming into a resting state of happiness and content. You stare up into Dean’s eyes.

“You said that you’ve loved me for a long time,” you say. “If that’s true, why were you with Lisa so long? Why didn’t you ever talk to me about this sooner?”

Dean hums low in contemplation, almost a rumble. He squeezes your hand, and he sighs.

“Aw, sweetheart. I was so fuckin’ stupid,” he chuckles half-heartedly. Your lips twitch.

“I was, what, twenty-six when we met?” he says. “You were even younger.”

“Twenty-two,” you supply knowingly. You and Sam had just graduated from college with Eileen and a couple of your friends. Sam had been about to start law school, with you starting at your first elementary school as a first-grade teacher.

“Yeah. In my case, young and dumb,” Dean says, with a shake of his head. He pauses in contemplation. Finally, he finds the courage to meet your eyes.

“All right, here it is,” he says. “After I thought you turned me down the first time, I met Lisa. Sam had mentioned some things that started to turn my head around on how I was living, all the hookups, the boozing, that kind of thing. I knew I’d screwed up with you, not calling you after we had our thing. So, I wanted to see if I could try something steady with someone, you know?”

He takes in a deep breath. “But after you told me you were pregnant, it all just fucking hit me, the way I’d totally changed your life, and mine. I was reckless. It made me want to grow the fuck up, I guess.”

You begin to rub his arm in comfort. “I was there too, you know. It wasn’t all on you.”

He smiles at you a little. You know he sees your point, even if he still feels responsible for knocking you up.

“The more I tried to make it work with Lisa, the harder it was.” He chuckles humorlessly. “Well, that part you know. Looking back, it was probably because I still wanted you. But every time Lisa and I broke up for some stupid shit, I felt like more of a fuckup. And every time I thought of you and me, and what that could be like, I uh…I guess I was afraid of being turned down again. Or worse, afraid of fucking up your life even more.”

Your frown trembles, with the sting of fresh tears in your eyes. Dean gives you a rueful smile.

“Vicious cycle, huh?” he says. “When you got with Benny, I thought I lost my chance for sure. So I guess I just…gave up. Settled for where I was.”

Another sigh falls from your lips, along with a couple of tears that bubble over and slip down your cheeks. You sit up in bed and take Dean’s face into your hands, a gentle hold, but a meaningful one.

“Well, first of all, I want you to understand something right now. I’ve said it before, and I’m going to say it one more time so you don’t forget it.” You look deep into his eyes. “You didn’t screw up my life. I’ve never looked at it that way, and I never will. Our son is best thing that could’ve happened to me, and I’m thinking to you too.”

After a moment, he nods. “Yeah.”

You nod as well. Glad to have that settled, you let go of his face so you can wipe the tear from your cheek.

“The last few years haven’t been perfect for me either,” you say. “But I love you, Dean. I want this to be the real deal, more than anything.”

Dean grabs your hand and gives it a squeeze. He’s tempted to drag you down for a heated kiss and a hell of a lot more—maybe a nice sequel for what you guys did on the couch, and two more times in your bed an hour ago. However, something you said strikes a small bell in his mind.

“You mean to tell me it wasn’t all Brady Bunch with Mr. Rogers?” Dean says, only half joking.

You give him a censuring look. “Hey, Benny doesn’t deserve that. He doesn’t deserve…any of this.”

Dean sobers. He knows you’re right, even if he has to stamp out a stab of jealousy. He feels sorry for his friend too…even if part of him selfishly can’t feel that sorry about getting to be with you.

But you rub at your forehead, a fresh load of guilt dumping over your shoulders. You know you’ll have to talk to Benny too. As incredibly happy as you are right now, you still feel horrible for how this all shook out. You never meant to hurt him or lead him on. From the beginning, you had really appreciated his help so much after Robbie was born.

“In so many ways, he was the kind of man I wanted. Kind, reliable, honest,” you say. Dean sits up with you now against the headboard. He listens intently, no matter how his stomach twists.

It takes you time to find your words, but you begin to explain.

You had loved Benny. You still do. But you realize now, only much too late, that you hadn’t been in love with him.

While your relationship with him had always been supportive and perfectly pleasant, a secret part of you had craved more. He wasn’t one to open up so easily about his day or his work, no matter how much you tried to coax it out of him. In fairness, you know he sees a lot of things on the job that aren't meant for civilian ears, but there are only so many monosyllabic answers you can deal with.

You, on the other hand, are a talker. You always have been. You just got the feeling, sometimes, that Benny was zoning out on you when you tried to connect with him. He even admitted once that you were a bit "too much" for him.

So you talked less. You bottled most of your thoughts inside…until they eventually spilled out with Dean. It’s always been easy to talk to him. On the whole, he’s seemed interested in your stories, even the ones from school. You feel comfortable sharing all the little things about your students that have made him smile, or laugh, or furrow his brows when you admitted your concerns or your fears for them, and especially for Robbie. Even if he was fixing your leaky sink or patching up a hole from when your son attempted some indoor practice with a slingshot made out of Lego and a tube sock, Dean listened.

He understands you. You appreciate that about him.

However, you know that you’ve been unconsciously comparing him and Benny in your mind.

No relationship is perfect, you often tried reminding yourself over the past three years, even through some of the tougher moments.

…Like in the bedroom. Benny was a patient man, and a generous lover. Of course there had been sparks between you two, certainly in the beginning.

However cliché it is though, you’d just never felt…fireworks. Electricity under your skin. The Godfather Thunderbolt kind of sexual connection that sunk into your blood and made your insides quiver.

Kind of like now. You’re blushing down to your neck trying to explain this part of it to Dean. He has a hand resting casually on your thigh, but once he works past his jealousy of even the thought of you and Benny between the sheets, the reality of what you’re saying finally hits him. A smirk slowly grows across his lips.

The way he brushes a thumb back and forth across your sensitive skin—it makes the hair on your arms raise and elicits another tingle down your spine.

“So what you’re saying is,” Dean says, his voice deepening like black velvet as he draws closer. “No one makes you come like I do.”

You snort, biting your lip in blushing embarrassment, as well as the prickle of arousal trembling in your core. Wetness blooms between your legs just at the sound of his voice. You can’t quite bring yourself to answer him, but it doesn’t matter. Your eyes give him all the confirmation he needs.

Dean lures you back into his arms, and into his kiss. He guides you onto your back and blazes a sensuous trail down your body, mapping every lush curve all over again with his mouth, tongue, and fingers, until you’re a writhing mess beneath him.

The next day, Robbie is confused when you and Dean go together to pick him up from your parents’ house. You called them ahead of time for a very important reason.

You sit Robbie down in the living room there in front of your parents, who are trying not to give away the punchline with their smiles (your mom stifling her tears). You take the spot beside him on the couch.

“What’s wrong?” Robbie asks, looking from you to Dean. There’s wariness and confusion in the boy’s eyes, just a couple shades of green off from his father’s. You and Dean share an amused look. The kid is so intuitive.

“Nothing’s wrong,” Dean says. He kneels down in front of him so that he’s eye-level with his son. “You know that your mom and I care about each other, right?”

Robbie quirks his head, but he nods. “Yeah. You’re friends.”

“Well, turns out…” Dean shares another look with you, this time a gentler smile as he takes your hand in his. “We realized that we want to be more than just friends.”

Robbie blinks a few times. He takes the information in faster than you would expect for a six-year-old, giving you his furrowed brows of confusion, suspicion…and hope?

“O-Oh. Really? Buuuut what about Benny?” he asks.

Again, smart kid. Dean looks over to you for guidance on this one.

You proverbially step in with a hand on Robbie’s shoulder. You take a steadying breath, but you explain in terms you know he’ll understand.

“I know how much you love Benny. I care about him too. I care about him a lot, actually…but he just wasn’t the guy for me,” you admit. You glance over at Dean, squeezing his hand. “Your dad is the guy.”

Robbie sits with his hands in his lap and visibly processes, his little face scrunched in thought. You don’t blame him for being confused, but you remain patient, softly smiling while you rub his back. You give Dean a guiding look, warning him with your eyes to wait for Robbie to ask whatever question he has next. You can see it brewing.

“Wait, so you guys like each other?” Robbie asks. “Like, like boyfriend and girlfriend?”

Dean chuckles. “To start with. I’m thinkin’ more like husband and wife.”

Your face falls into shock. Dean bites the inside of his lip. He hadn’t meant to say it out loud, but it’s already out of his mouth. Can’t put that toothpaste back in the tube, can I?

Robbie gapes at his dad, and then his mom. He looks at your joined hands.

Uh oh, Dean thinks. Did we break him?

Suddenly, Robbie’s lower lip wobbles, and he starts to cry. Your eyes widen further in surprise, and now dismay along with Dean.

…Until Robbie surges forward into his dad’s arms. Dean immediately wraps his arms around his son and soothes a hand over his head.

“What’s the matter, buddy? What’s wrong?” he asks.

Robbie sniffs. “Does this mean you’re gonna come live with us?”

Dean’s worry breaks—into abject relief. He smiles. When he looks up, he finds you smiling in relief as well, albeit with tears in your eyes. He holds Robbie closer and presses a kiss on the top of his head.

“You want that, huh?” Dean asks. “Want me to come live with you guys?”

Robbie nods, burying his face in Dean’s shirt. But there’s no hiding the way his little body shakes with quiet sobs. Dean’s own eyes are suspiciously glassy, even though he smirks at the way your lower lip wobbles too. He beckons you over with a hand.

You slip off the couch and kneel on the floor too, allowing yourself to get pulled under Dean’s arm. You rest your cheek against his shoulder and bury your weeping face into his neck. This moment is everything—everything you could’ve asked for.

Your parents come around the couch as well, with your mom lovingly squeezing your shoulders and your dad resting a fatherly hand on Dean’s.

Dean can’t help but smile, so hard that it nearly cracks his face. He didn’t think his heart could ever be this full.

Well. For once, that went better than I thought.

You tap your fingers around the wide cappuccino mug nervously. You sit in what you think is the most secluded corner of the café, a strategic choice. Your eyes flit to the door again when it jingles open, but it’s just a young blonde woman with a little Pomeranian tucked under her arm. She makes her way to the barista and places her order of a lavender matcha latte and an unglazed donut.

An unglazed donut? What’s the point? you think.

You shake your head and force yourself to expel a deep breath. You wish you could’ve done this over a week ago, but you respected Benny’s wishes. He’d needed more time, and really, that was the least you could do.

A few minutes later, the little bell above the door chimes again. The familiar footfalls of heavy boots alert you to the even more familiar black jacket and jeans combo. Benny comes into view, his eyes finding you across the room in mere seconds. His face remains stoic as he approaches you.

Even now, you have no idea what he’s thinking. Is he going to be icy toward you and not say a word? Is he going to shout at you, berate you, accuse you of wasting three whole years of his life? You would probably just sit here and take it, whatever it would be. You feel like you deserve it.

Instead, he just lowers into the chair opposite you at the table. He takes a breath and rests his elbows on the table. For a moment, he just stares back at you and takes you in, from your face, lightly done with makeup, to your pretty blouse, jeans, and ankle boots.

“You look good,” he says, his tone rueful. “You don’t gotta be scared though. Not like I’m gonna start cussin’ you out in front God and everybody.”

Your lips hint at a smile. His dry brand of humor briefly lightens you.

“You know me. Overthinking is my thing,” you say. Biting your lip, your gaze lowers to the way you toy with your fingers in your lap. “Look, Benny. I wouldn’t blame you for being angry with me. You can even hate me if you want.”

Benny crosses his arms on the table, contemplating. He eventually gives you a wry, melancholy sort of smile. “Part of me’s still mad at you, I won’t lie…but there’s no use in it. Not even hating you.”

He shakes his head, and he sighs.

“Truth is, Dean and I think a lot alike,” he says. His blue-eyed gaze meets yours. “Because the moment I met you, I liked what I saw. I just had the bad luck of him getting to you first.”

Your face burns with a blush. Once again, you bite your lip.

Benny huffs a wry chuckle. “This week, I’ve been thinking…maybe I shoulda seen this coming.”

Your brows furrow. “What do you mean?”

“Believe it or not, I noticed things. Things, I didn’t want to at the time,” he says. His eyes fall away from you after a moment. “You remember when you were pregnant with Robbie, and you came to the firehouse with some cookies for everybody?”

You blink at that. “Yeah, sure.”

That was the day you thought that…well, you got a hint that Benny might like you. You’d dismissed it at the time because you were so damn pregnant, waddling and sliding around like a parade float. You had wanted to test out your latest recipe of chocolate chip cookies on Dean, and the rest of the guys at the firehouse.

“Well, I knew you went there looking for Dean,” Benny says. “I saw the way your eyes lit up when he finally came by. And I saw the look on his face when he saw it was you and me together, laughin’, havin’ a good time.”

He shakes his head. “I saw that look again when I went to visit you at the hospital, the day Robbie was born… Come to think of it, this all could’ve ended that day.”

You leaned forward in your seat, now hooked on his every word. A frown pulls at your lips, while a wry one tugs at his.

“If a man wants something, he fights for it. That’s something I’ve learned, what I’ve always known to be true,” Benny says. “I thought I’d lost my chance with you before then. But when you told me you were afraid of being alone, and I saw the way Dean was all wrapped up with Lisa…I thought, shit, I could be the man you leaned on. Why not me?”

The man pauses, as if sorting back through the catalogue of memories, feelings, thoughts. He meets your sad gaze.

“But I was selfish,” he admits. “I should’ve gone to my friend and knocked some goddamn sense into him, tell him to talk to you if he really wanted you. To be the man you needed him to be. To truly be there for his family. Now, here we are.”

You fold your hands in front of your lips as you process all of this, trying to figure out what to think, let alone what to say. You do know that this is the most you’ve ever seen Benny open up.

“So if I blame you, ‘cher, I gotta blame myself just as much. At this point, all we can do is move on,” Benny says. He becomes contemplative, rubbing his bearded chin. “I gotta ask though. How’s Robbie doin’ with all of this?”

You brush a couple of tears away from your cheeks, swiping under your eyes for good measure. God, when will I be done with all this damn crying? But you take a sip of your coffee just for something to delay your answer. You knew the question would come eventually, but it still hurts you, knowing it’ll probably hurt the man in front of you.

“He misses you,” you say.

And it’s true. Your son loves Benny too—a strong, solid presence in his life since the beginning.

“You’ve told him…everything?” Benny asks. “About you and Dean too?”

You nod. “We told him last weekend.”

Benny snorts. “Y’all didn’t waste no time.”

“We didn’t want to keep it a secret. I think that would’ve been worse.”

“Nah, I get it,” he says. He drums his fingers on the table in contemplation. After a while, his blue eyes meet yours. “The kid’s happy though, isn’t he?”

You nod, giving him an honest answer. Dean is already living with you. He’s just in the process of moving his stuff out of his and Lisa’s apartment. She’s going to finish off the lease in a few months, then move out of there herself.

However, through all of the adult chaos and logistics, Robbie is all beaming smiles and excited chatter when his dad comes home. The three of you eat dinner as a family. You and Dean get to tuck in your son together at night, and wake up together the next day, sharing more than just a bed and a morning cup of coffee.

“He is,” you say. “But look, you can come by and see him, if you want to.”

“I’d like that,” Benny nods. “Just to say goodbye.”

“It doesn’t have to be forever,” you say. Once again, guilt threatens to eat you alive. “You and Dean were friends long before I came into the picture.”

Benny’s lips hint at a smile, but it doesn’t reach his eyes.

“That might well be,” he says, “but there are some things that are best left put to rest.”

You know then that he means more than just your relationship.

After a beat, he stands from the table. You attempt to take in a steadying breath as you get to your feet along with him.

“I’m sorry,” you say again.

“Me too, sweetheart,” Benny says. He takes your hand and gives it one final squeeze. Neither of you say goodbye.

It may not be the last time you see each other. It’s a small town, after all. But there’s a good chance that this will be the last time you and Benny will speak for a good long while.

A few weeks later, Benny’s cart crashes into something solid in the spirits aisle of the grocery store—another cart.

That bumps into a young woman’s ass, making her yelp as she loses her balance. The merlot she was considering slips out of her hand and shatters in a plummy spill across the linoleum.

“Aw shit,” she grouses. Her head swivels over her shoulder to find a wide-eyed Benny with a glare. “Bro! Are you serious?”

He snaps out of his reverie and immediately goes over to try and help. He pushes his own cart away goes over to her, mindful of the glass under his boots.

“I’m sorry, 'cher. My bad,” he says, reaching out a hand to her. Shards of glass surrounds her in her heeled wedges. They go nicely with her blue slacks and crème-colored blazer…which is now flecked with wine.

She accepts his helping hand, albeit with a raised brow. “Cher? What, the 'do believe in life after love' lady?”

Benny pauses, but embarrassment isn’t the only thing that makes him falter. He can’t help but notice her smooth, bronze skin, her hazel eyes, her shiny brown hair coiled in a soft wave. She’s beautiful. Her clothes are expensive. She’s entirely out of his league.

“Uh, no, ma'am. Just a token of where I’m from,” Benny says. He gestures to the spill at their feet while she manages to step away from it. “Here, I’ll pay for that bottle, plus another one for you.”

Her lips twitch upward. Cocking her head, she turns and points at the price tag under the bottle she’d grabbed up.

“You wanna buy me a $50 bottle of wine?” she says. Plus the one he spilled.

Benny smiles. “And dinner to go along with it, if you want.”

She blinks, her mouth parting in surprise. But he finally wins her smile too. She takes a $15 bottle off the shelf instead.

“Believe me, this one’s better,” she says. “Where are you from, exactly?”

“Louisiana,” Benny replies.

“Hmm, interesting,” she says.

He arches a curious brow. “You?”

Her eyes take on a playful gleam. “Greece. Yes, I’m new in town. Yes, there’s a semi-interesting story behind it. We’ll save that for dinner though.”

Benny chuckles. “Well, all right.”

When a grocery store employee comes over to assess the damage, Benny promises that he’ll cover it. He and the young woman make their way to the checkout together with their carts.

“So, uh, what’s your name?” Benny asks.

She glances at him with a smile. “Andréa.”

Six months later, Eileen tearfully accepts being your Maid of Honor. You go about asking her cautiously, knowing Lisa is still her best friend. Eileen is gracious though. She admits to you that she advised Lisa to break things off with Dean more than once in their “five-year rollercoaster.”

“She just had an idea of what she wanted for her life, you know? And she’s stubborn about it. She thought Dean was the One,” Eileen tells you that afternoon. You two sip from your wine glasses on her sofa while Robbie and his three-year-old cousin are with Sam and Dean, out at a baseball game.

“I told her that Dean seemed…well, divided. At least when it came to her,” she says. “But Lisa swore that he just needed time. Time to get the hang of balancing his job, Robbie, and his relationship with her. As much as I love Lisa, I just think she didn’t want to see the signs that he wasn’t in love with her. Not enough to make him stay.”

You feel conflicted for more than one reason. On one hand, you do feel sorry for Lisa. On the other hand, you wish she would’ve just let Dean go after the first time they had that blowout argument that got them kicked out of the local Denny’s.

You hesitate before you ask, “How is she doing?”

Eileen smiles, and she signs as she speaks, knowing you’ve been practicing your ASL.

“She’s good actually. She met a guy at a yoga retreat out in Sacramento. She’s moving there in the fall. Not really for him, but because she wants a fresh start.”

“I could see that,” you nod. It’s hard to move on with your life in a small town like Lawrence, Kansas, where everybody knows your business. You’re honest when you say, “I hope she finds what she’s looking for.”

Eileen nods in agreement. Then, her eyes shift with a conspiring gleam.

“So, did you hear about Benny?”

Your eyes widen. “No, what? Is he okay?”

“Oh, I can’t believe you don’t know.”

“Girl, what?!”

“He eloped with that girl from Greece. Sam told me. They’re on a plane right now, headed to meet her family in Kalamata!”

You gasp, covering your mouth with both hands. You laugh, mostly out of shock. Eileen laughs just at the look on your face. The two of you giggle and finish your gossip along with a bottle of wine.

You’ve never met Benny’s girlfriend…excuse you, wife. Your shock turns into concern, just for a hot minute. But the more you think about it, you know that the man isn’t impulsive. It’s not in his blood. So you also have to believe that he hasn’t made this decision lightly.

From the bottom of your heart, you’re happy for him.

You almost choke on a laugh when Dean doesn’t quite get the whole chunk of complimentary chocolate into your mouth.

“Come on, baby. I know you can open wider than that,” he teases.

You laugh harder, covering your mouth so you don’t drop anything. You have to set down your champagne glass on the edge of the tub, however precarious that might be.

“Babe, if you make me get anything on this dress, I may just have to kill you,” you say. Though your threat doesn’t have much effect with your shoulders shaking with laughter.  

You wiggle your toes in the hot water that’s risen up to your ankles in the tub while you and Dean sit on the edge. You’re severely regretting having a winter wedding, or at least just the part where you had to trudge through the snow on the way to your husband’s ’67 Chevy. Thank God it had just been a few minutes to the hotel.

For the sake of unfreezing your feet, the white satin and lace of your dress is bunched up high on your thighs, since you’re not quite ready to take it off yet. Dean has his slacks rolled up halfway to his knees while his feet warm up beside yours.

He looks edible himself. His suit jacket lies strewn across the edge of the king-sized bed, leaving his white dress shirt rolled up to the elbows. His tie is gone too, leaving quite a few buttons by his collar left open, and a tantalizing strip of tanned skin visible to your wandering eyes.

“What does it matter? Are you really ever gonna wear this again?” he says as he fingers the soft hem of your skirt. He then brushes the back of his hand against your arm, your shoulder, your cheek. You smile and lean into his hand.

“’Course I am. Whenever I wanna feel all pretty and bride-like,” you say.

Dean’s smile crinkles the corner of his eyes. He cups your cheek and brings you closer, but he stops just shy of your lips.

“Well, for one thing, you’re already beautiful. Two, you’re always gonna be my bride.” He punctuates that uncharacteristic cheesiness with a kiss that warms you down to your toes. You grab ahold of his collar and breathe into it, humming softly.

You part from him, just to tell him something that’s been burning on your heart.

“Can you promise me something?”

His thumb brushes against your lower lip, flashing you a little smirk. “Depends.”

Your lips press together, but you can’t help the smile trying to break through. You catch each button on his shirt with your nails to undo the rest of them, one by one.

“No matter what comes next, whatever arguments, fights, drama, all of it, promise me that you’ll remember right now. Tonight,” you say. “Remember that you’re my best friend. My love. The father of my kid. None of that ever changes.”

Dean pulls you in even closer by your waist. His long fingers run along the small round buttons lacing down your spine. Already he’s calculating how he’s going to pop every one of them open without ruining your pretty dress.

“It’s a promise, sweetheart,” he says. And just like the vows he made in that chapel, he means these words with every conviction. “None of it ever changes.”

Well, there are some things that change. They have to, after all.

One of the biggest ones happens almost a year to the day after your winter wedding. Your daughter is born on January 25th at exactly 12:05 A.M.

Dean calls her the best belated birthday present he’s ever gotten.

He wipes at his watery eyes when his brother steps into the hospital room, where only Dean and your mom had been allowed in during the delivery. (He wanted to avoid the clusterfuck of commotion that happened the first time you were in labor. You had wholeheartedly agreed.)

While Eileen stays behind for now with their son, Sam guides Robbie inside by his shoulders. The kid had been ambivalent about the new arrival when you and Dean first told him you were going to have another baby, but in the nine-ish months since, the eight-year-old has begun to come around to the idea of having a little sister. He approaches your bedside, encouraged by your tired smile.

“Hey, baby. Meet the baby,” you joke.

Dean welcomes Robbie over with a hand on his shoulder, squeezing warmly. Robbie hesitates, but he leans up on his toes to peer at the bundle wrapped in your arms. He considers her little face peeking out of the downy crème blanket. She wears a little pink cap to keep her newborn head warm.

“She’s beautiful,” Sam says, giving you a kiss on the cheek.

“She’s so tiny,” Robbie says. 

“You were just like that,” Dean says, “’til you sprouted up outta the ground like a stalk a’ wheat.”

Robbie gives his father an indignant look. “I didn’t pop outta the ground!”

You shush him softly, despite your shoulders shaking with laughter. Sam thumps his older brother’s back. The two share a look that’s suspiciously shiny, full of nostalgia.

Dean soothes a hand over Robbie’s head.

“You’re a big brother now, son,” he says. “It’s a big responsibility. Think you can handle it?”

Robbie looks a little uncertain. His gaze leaves his dad and falls on the baby. The more he stares at her peaceful sleeping face, the more she looks kinda cute to him. He smiles.

“Yeah,” he says.

He reaches out and gently touches her cheek. Her skin is soft and delicate. His fingertips are slow and careful.

You and Dean glance at one another. Your eyes blur over with tears, but your husband is there to lean in and press a kiss to your forehead.

“We still gotta decide on a name,” he whispers.

That, you know. It hasn’t been any easier picking your daughter’s name than it was your son. Sue you if you refuse to name your child after another rocker, no matter how badass Stevie Nicks is. 

You bite your lip, leaning your head on Dean’s shoulder as a giddy laugh pours out of you.

“Game on, baby.”

AN: And there we have it! We went a little deeper into some things that were implied and touched on in Part 2, but hopefully it feels like a more complete ending to this version of Dean and the reader's story, along with everyone else in between! ❤️❤️‍🔥❤️

In a couple of weeks, for those of you who read Smoke Eater, there will be a little sequel drabble that sees that version of firefighter!Dean getting another big piece of his dream...

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Dean Winchester Tag List (Part 1):

@luci-in-trenchcoats @lamentationsofalonelypotato @winchestergirl2 @deans-spinster-witch @roseblue373

@hobby27 @kazsrm67 @foxyjwls007 @mostlymarvelgirl @kaleldobrev

@globetrotter28 @midnightmadwoman @chevroletdean @lyarr24 @ladysparkles78

@waywardxwords @waynes-multiverse @twinkleinadiamondsky @my-stories-vault @0ccvltism

@rizlowwritessortof @k-slla @jackles010378 @alwaystiredandconfused @nancymcl

@this-is-me19 @spnwoman @illicithallways @pieandmonsters @deansbbyx

@mimaria420 @stoneyggirl2 @fics-pics-andotherthings-i-like @cheynovak @jollyhunter

@deanwinchestersgirl87 @rachiem4-blog @leigh70 @aylacavebear @jessjad

@kmc1989 @siampie @rubyvhs @masked-lost-girl @spnbabe67

@deanbrainrotwritings @alwaystiredandconfused @supernotnatural2005 @redhoodieone

[fanterfane]

The State of FanterFane, Now in ADHD!~

HEY YA'LL!

That's something I do now I guess, I say "YA'LL"! Either way, It's time for the first status update since the BIG ONE earlier this year. If you don't remember it or you're new, firstly, welcome, secondly, you can read it here: https://www.deviantart.com/fanterfane/journal/The-State-of-FanterFane-950469980. A lot of what I said here I'm still struggling with, and probably always will be, so it's still relevant. I've been told that several people have been recommended that post by Patreon because of it's high engagement, so I feel especial need to give the algorithm something better to serve. Also, this post is mainly about my struggles with ADHD, but it has other things and status updates sprinkled throughout. If you or someone you know has ADHD, I hope this helps!

For the sake of brevity though, I'll do a TL:DR right here. I developed carpal tunnel two months ago, and I've been working on treating it. It's been going pretty good lately, especially now that I finally have gotten my hands on ADHD medication after my long time lack thereof. As such, I've become much more productive and much, much happier! Things are looking up for me, and I'm hopeful for the future! Social acceptance for who I am now is still sometimes rough, but going better. SFW commissions have done wonders for my mental health, and I have plans for new art projects, commission queues, and more to try and do. I hope that you'll all continue to be the thing I get up for in the morning as I work to accomplish them! I'll be going on vacation next week, and I hope you all have a great summer!

Now for the super long part I don't fault anyone for NOT reading, here we go!

Earlier this year, it felt like I was spiraling down an unrecoverable path. Things I tried to do just wouldn't materialize. I would identify a problem like "My car is dirty" or "My room is messy" or even just "I should read and respond to this DM" and instead of working to solve it my anxiety would start up and make it so that I put it off. What if I messed it up? I was always so tired too, I just felt emotionless whenever I didn't feel sad. What if I just didn't deserve it anyway? What if all of this is a mistake? Those sorts of questions would plague me no matter what, preventing me from solving the very things giving me anxiety spiraling into even more anxiety. It was dumb, but mental health quite often is. It was getting so bad, that writing dialog and even just reading things started feeling like an anxiety induced dyslexic impossibility. For the longest time I assumed it was just depression, and that it would get better with time, but it hasn't over the years. Instead, it's only gotten worse year over year.

Now, I always get a little bit depressed every winter. Seasonal depression gets me down every year without fail, but this year was quite a bit more intense. The struggle between the two lives I live was really getting to me. I'd been doing ever more and more introspection, and discovering all the ways the way I was raised screwed me up definitely didn't help. Repressed memories often have a reason for being repressed. It doesn't help when the people you want to love you the most are the least supportive in your life, and might have even been partly the cause of some of your more unhealthy tendencies. Regardless of their intentions.

A big part of this issue though, I think at least, is that I've been unmedicated for my ADHD since High School. I stopped taking it as a Sophomore because I felt like I was smart enough to pass school without it, and that it wasn't helping me. The stigma against stimulants and medication in general was a big part of that decision. I was not self-aware enough at the time to realize that almost immediately my attention started suffering. It started slowly, too slowly for me to realize it at the moment, but gradually it became harder and harder to pay attention to class work over the years. It got so bad that in order for me to NOT fall asleep during class, I'd doodle on my classwork cause it kept me stimulated enough to stay awake. I'd always made good grades though, so I coasted through highschool on information osmosis and went on to community college, where it really started to catch up with me. Although again, I didn't realize it.

In community college, I had a couple of bad classes that really jarred me. Physics and Calculus. Physics was hard because the teacher was bad at teaching it, and 75% of that class failed the final, so I don't feel very bad about it. But the calculus class though, was the first time I'd ever felt like I'd failed myself in a class. No matter how hard I tried I couldn't understand the derivatives they tried to teach me. I passed, barely, but that was one of the times where I think my ADHD caught up to me, even if I didn't realize it. It wasn't much, but it was definitely a sign of things to come.

Once I got out of community college, I took a gap year between it and a longer stay at a university. During that time, I started trying to work on art more and more as a hobby. I started drawing possession, corruption, femboys, all that sorta  wonderful stuff. Then Covid hit. My gap year turned to two, and suddenly that was long enough for me to have started an actual *career* doing this. Which was beyond crazy to me. It motivated me to no end, I wanted nothing more than to create and have fun creating for all my followers.

In the end though, my ADHD caught up to me. Like it always does. Once the initial honeymoon phase was over, and I settled into the hum and drum of being an online digital artist, it reared its head again.

You see, ADHD is not something that goes away. You may not think about it, but it's always there. ADHD, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, potentially being renamed soon to the ASD spectrum, is a mental disorder affecting the brain's dopamine pathway. People with ADHD struggle because they have less dopamine for everything than most other people do. This either leads to hyperactivity, because you need to do MORE to feel the normal amount of reward chemical (how I was when I was younger). Or it leads to Inattention, because nothing you do feels rewarded or worthwhile (how I am now). There's just physically not enough dopamine being released in my brain for it to function properly most of the time. That's why ADHD is treated with stimulants like Adderall or Vyvanse, because they stimulate the release of more dopamine in the pathways. Making everything feel *right*. My symptoms may have changed over the years through things like masking and other stuff, but I realized recently that it never went away.

At the end of last year, I started watching ADHD Youtube videos that were recommended to me by my friends who also have ADHD. Lo and behold, a lot of what I was struggling with was the poster child of adulthood with ADHD. Anxiety, inability to do basic tasks, procrastination, lack of motivation, etc etc. I was especially hit hard by the concept of "Executive Dysfunction". Executive dysfunction, common with ADHD, impairs planning, task prioritization, memory, execution, and emotional regulation. All things I've been struggling with for years to various extents. Also things that got worse whenever I was depressed.

Naturally, the first thing someone might do to solve this, is get treated/medicated. So that's what I tried. I enrolled in a private health care plan (self-employment doesn't get healthcare through their employer, GO USA) just to find out that it was in the middle of a ADHD medication shortage. I was eligible to get approved for VyVanse, the meds I took when I was a kid, because they were 500$ a bottle. My insurance was 250$ a month. So they denied it, citing that I "Haven't tried the other medications." The ones that I tried getting, Adderall and a couple other ones, were never in stock. Even my friends who already had medication started being unable to get any at all. It was around that time that I made The State of FanterFane post, because this really hit me hard. I'd done everything I was supposed to, but the world still shot me down for it.

Then, on top of everything else, I developed Carpal Tunnel. Which screwed me up even more mentally and physically. Suddenly, even when I WAS motivated (which was getting rarer and rarer) I couldn't even draw then because my wrist was constantly in pain. It really started feeling like things really were unsalvageable. I truly felt without hope for the first time since college, and before that high school. Like everything I had done up to that point was pointless, and only resulted in me sacrificing my health for something that would've never worked out.

...Until the first week of this month, June 2023. When one of my friends was able to get their hands on Adderall again, signaling the end of the shortage. I immediately took my prescription to my local pharmacy, and got my first ever bottle of Adderall XR. I had high hopes for what it would do for me, but the thing I didn't expect was for me to regain hope.

The next day, I took my first dose and proceeded to start deep cleaning and rearranging my entire room. I did laundry, folded clothes, wiped away dust EVERYWHERE, organized my belongings and important files for the first time EVER, unpacked moving boxes that hadn't moved in 2 years and much, much more! Essentially, I turned my entire room upside down over the course of a week. I can't really put into words just how liberating it felt, how finally being able to just see a problem, and then solve it immediately without any anxiety or self-doubt changed *everything*. Even better, every task completed was less anxiety to affect me whenever I felt down or depressed. I can't hate myself for having a messy room when it's so clean, it's literally *rearranged* after all!

To put it simply, it felt like my brain was *working again*. For the first time in literal YEARS. Once I was done cleaning, I moved onto working on art, posting, responding to messages and sorting personal files. These past three weeks have been three of the most productive weeks I've had in a very long time. I feel like I've not been this productive since the initial honeymoon phase of Dullahan Dilemma and the Attenborough collection (callback!). All the while, I got better at treating my carpal tunnel, to the point where it's not constantly pins and needling me anymore, and it even feels just generally better all the time! I've been getting better and better at doing various tasks, and I believe I'm truly on the road to recovery now.

Things from here are looking up! Genuinely! I wouldn't be here either if it wasn't for all of you kind people supporting me, even through the toughest times. I'm beyond grateful for that. I'd worship the ground you all walk on if I could. Without ya'll, I would not be here today. Forgive me for taking on a somewhat political tone, but I have no idea who I'd even be at this point without all of you, and all of my wonderful friends that I’ve met while doing this. Perhaps I'd have fallen deeper into the alt-right pipeline as a disenfranchised southern white guy. Becoming more homophobic and repressing my inner self even more than I already had been my entire life due to my upbringing. That was the only place I felt like I could fit into the conservative worldview my folks raised me in, after all. Maybe I would've gone back to school for a degree I couldn't use and in debt, landing in a terrible corporate job that didn't care for me. At least I would've got health insurance then, but also maybe all of my health problems would've gotten worse and worse and never got better, since I never would've had the motivation to fix them by working out, losing weight, and watching my diet. I honestly don't know, and thinking too deeply about the "what-ifs'' of it is pointless.

But now, what I can say is that when all the anxiety clears and the depression abates, I'm truly happy. For the first time in my life, I feel like I actually have an identity. Like my emotions actually do matter and that I'm not just some soulless machine whose only goal in life is to make money. I'm a human being. Although I may not be created in God's image, I have thoughts, feelings, and most importantly, flaws. I'm gay/bisexual, I'm not very masculine nor do I desire to be so, I like having long hair, and I like doing more effeminate things that most guys in the crowd I was falling into would balk at and blame on chemicals in the water. In other words, I feel healthier than ever. Mentally AND physically. I thank all of you, each and every single one, for staying with me throughout all of this. If any of you ever feel like you wanna reach out, especially if I can help you in some comparatively small way, please do. My DMs are always open, it's the LEAST I can do.

Some other things I should touch on- I've gotten a lot of surprising support for my transition from my extended family and friends. The closest is still the most difficult, I can't get my nails painted for instance, I was told not to when I asked, much to my chagrin. I've got a pride bracelet I've been wearing around, and no one has said anything about it, so that's good I suppose. Fox news still blares on the television in the living room, even after all the stuff that's gone down with *that* channel in recent times. I've given up on trying to convince them otherwise. I’ve been discredited anyway because I draw "X-rated shit", that doesn't make enough money. Even though as far as most people my generation are faring financially, I'm doing pretty good!

The SFW commissions have been going fantastic! Especially on the mental health side of things. It's helped me realize that I do in fact, have options. I'm not trapped doing one thing forever, which is honestly the thing that was scaring me the most. Just like the threat of a soul-draining corporate job till the day I die. I don't have to worry about what I'll be doing in 10 years, because I think I've built enough support and especially self-taught skill that no matter what I do, I'll be okay. It's only up from here, and I've even been feeling the flame of passion returning for TF and other lewdness! So you can for sure expect to see much more of that over the next few years, no matter what!

Speaking of money though, I have more plans for the future now too. I'm gonna make more money by doing more commissions and creating more sources of revenue. Just so that I can afford to move out, and get away from this toxic environment I find myself in. The cheapest apartments where I live run for about 750$ a month, so I'm hoping to save up over the next year and move the hell out. I think I'll be able to afford it, provided there are no extraneous events that hurt me financially. I'll be trying things like more YCH's, sketch commission streams like the patreon request streams, art packs, and maybe even merch! Ya'll be the first to be notified about any of this. The first YCH auction will hopefully be this weekend! It will be based on Nyan Cat possession, and the MC will be trying to run away from the cringey 2000's era meme culture that haunts them to this day. Thing is, the past has a funny way of coming back to haunt you!~

Finally, I'm going on vacation next week to see some friends in LA! If you're someone I know/trust around the LA area, and you wanna meet up, let me know in DMs and we'll see if we can arrange it! I may take a further vacation the week after for rest, but after that we'll be back to regularly scheduled LEWDNESS work!

Thank you all from the bottom of my heart for coming with me and supporting me on this journey. Happy pride month, and I hope everyone has a great Summer! I love all of you! Here's to several more years of FanterFane!

XOXO,

FanterFane

[moonchildstyles]

fic announcement/sneak peek

guess who finally got the full series ive been promising for over a year!!!!!!

its been over a year since I posted the original camboy h blurb and since then ive gotten alot of questions about where his story is going and if I plan on continuing it! even tho that blurb was v spur of the moment, I always intended him to be a full series so in the last year ive been putting together his character and thinking of scenes I wanted to add and how I wanted to tell his story! in the last few months I finally had the time to put it all together and write his story!

so starting next month, on the first Friday in January (its the 7th), Patreon will be getting early access to the piece with the first part to his story called Gravity, with a new part being posted every Friday following after! Tumblr will be getting part one on January 21st, two weeks after patreon, then following the same schedule with a new part posted every Friday!

along with all of that I also have a Pinterest board up for him so u can get an idea of his story and the vibe im going for w it !

if u have any questions or anything feel free to message me !

the sneak peek to the first part will be under the cut !!

—————

She blamed it on the alcohol, and the fact she had been single for far too long. Since she was alone—something she had started the night grateful for—she became a little too aware of the lusted shift her thoughts were taking and how much she wished she had someone else there to relieve the ache that was sparking between her thighs. (This happened often when she drank. She was a loving and affectionate drunk, making the absence of another glaringly obvious to her).

(Y/N) didn't have even half the mind to be embarrassed as she dug around for her laptop in her room, too preoccupied by the tipsy lens she was seeing the world through, and the longing that had settled in her stomach. After finding her treasure, she settled herself on the wrinkled mess that was her bedding, and opened a familiar browser. It was a little too instinctive as she typed in the familiar website, but she couldn't find it in her to care when the lazy thoughts floating through her mind were urging her to find any kind of release.

That was how she found herself on a cam-site.

Truly, it had been a slip of the finger. All she had tried to do was click on the minuscule 'x' tacked in the corner of a shady pop-up ad on a much more legit site, but her lagging response time made it that much harder to react before she was being directed to a completely different site.

This one lacked the typically dark grey and black shading that other explicit sites utilized. This one used a green based layout, leaving the attention to be placed on the rows and rows of thumbnails dotting her screen. Across the main page, the site boasted a channel of over fifty-thousand different performers, making it easy to find something 'to your liking'. The small boxes that filled out the screen displayed different people in various states of undress (or in outfits (Y/N) wasn't aware were made in real life), some with their faces cut out of frame and others feeling no need to hide their identity. They were all stilled into a single scene from their 'stream', as it was labeled under the tile, some performing acts that she hadn't known were physically possible. Once she realized what it was that she had been loaded onto, she pulled back with a gasp.

She had never been on a cam-site before; the idea of paying a stranger to get off on camera while she lurked on the other side with complete anonymity felt a bit too sleazy to make her comfortable or turned on. Fully intending to backpedal onto the familiar site she had accidentally left, (Y/N) barely swept her lagging eyes over the expanse of the site, her fingertips lazily tracing over the touchpad to take her back.

Until she saw one tile of a person just sitting there.

It was a short view of a man's chest, the frame cutting off at his neck to give the full of the attention to his seated body with his torso the main focus. He was sat in something that emulated the office chair that she had pushed into her desk in her room, nothing especially pornographic about the set up; even the dimmed lights in the background denoted nothing other than a quiet night in. He wasn't undressed as far as she could tell from the pixelated view she was given into his video. A gauzy button-up was stretched across the broad of his shoulders, the fabric thin and left unbuttoned enough to show a pair of birds tattooed below his collarbones and something that could either be a butterfly or an octopus on his tummy given the quality of the thumbnail. He even had his pants on.

More than anything, the lack of lewd acts and scandalous dressing made her curious. Maybe it wasn't required that you do anything explicitly sexual during your stream.

Her decision tasted like cranberries saturated in vodka as she rerouted her finger on the touchpad and instead tapped on the username that was spelled out under the tile. It only took a second before his profile popped up. The page shared the same layout as the main site; a plain sage green base backing the much more customized personal page that displayed his information.

His screen name—treatpeoplewkisses—was highlighted in a golden yellow across the top. The details of his profile generated underneath. Most of the categories were left vague; only a country filling in his location, and a single letter (H) giving him a name. What looked to be a screenshot or a still from one of his videos acted as his profile picture, the setting similar to what she saw as he was sat in his dimly lit base with a barely buttoned top on with the black of his tattoos shining through the fabric. A green dot beside his user confirmed that he was online. A stream of posts made up the rest of his page, the most recent status making a claim that he was LIVE NOW! with a bright pink link that had been shared a little over ten minutes ago.

(Y/N) felt a pit in her tummy as she pressed the link. Something like guilt blinked through the vodka-induced haze, feeling odd to be viewing someone so intimately while she didn't have to share a thing. But, she reasoned with herself, if that wasn't something he was comfortable with, he wouldn't be on this site. Besides, as far as she could tell, he wasn't doing anything like his counterparts on the site, so she might not be seeing anything explicit anyway.

Nevertheless, she didn't stop as the screen loaded, directing her to the stream she had only gotten a glimpse of on the start page. Her laptop filled out to a new setup with the main video displayed in the center with the boy she had seen still sitting in his comfortably lit room and his ethereally thin top. Beside the video was a chat stream, where all comments were shown in response to anything he said or did. A thermometer-like bar was plastered on the other side, displaying how much money he had already made that night with a goal tacked to the top of the bar. In the ten minutes since he had gone live, he had already made a hundred dollars with the promise of more coming in if the range of comments had anything to do with it.

His—H's—throat bobbed around words she couldn't hear with gentle expansions of his chest under his shirt as he breathed, nothing at all like the wild extremes that had been sandwiched around him on the main page. She worked on something like autopilot as she turned up the volume on her laptop, wanting to know what was getting the comments flooding in faster than she could catch.

Maybe it was the alcohol-induced lag going on in her head, but all (Y/N) could register for a moment was how deep and inviting his tone was as it washed over her. He had drawn her in in a matter of seconds.

He seemed to be responding to comments, though the tone he used made it feel like he was talking to only her; answering questions she had forgotten she asked and responding to compliments she wordlessly gave. He was good at what he was doing. Even without his face in the shot, it felt like he was speaking only to her, as if there wasn't a hoard of comments streaming through at every pause

"'M happy you're having a good night, darling. Thank you for letting me be a part of it."

He spoke low and slow enough for her to register through the haze in her mind, the words dripping over her like honey. What kind of dreamboat was this? And how did he exist on a site like this?

—————