#just so many little details i can get lost in looking at these pics

[excelsior9173]

(pulled from this tweet, credit here)

[genericpuff]

On this week's episode of "Webtoon Controversies That Could Have Been Avoided If Only They Had Some Damn Quality Control"-

Oh boy, prepare yourselves, there's some TEA on this one.

Quantum Entanglement, a new Webtoon Originals series from creator Arts Angel (aka Sarah Ellerton) is uh... a teeny weeny painfully obvious that it was made with AI.

AI is getting better, but when it comes to comics, there are still a lot of "tells" you can pick up on once you know where to look. Hands are certainly one of them.

Not knowing how to draw hands efficiently and consistently is definitely an Artist Problem(tm) but it becomes a lot more obvious it was made by AI when you get weird little off-putting mistakes like a fingernail being just a little too long or missing joints (hot dog fingers, eyo) or the distinction between fingers not being clear.

But there's also hair and other detailed parts that are often lost in the translation process between prompt to final piece. Jewelry, text on a screen, phones, that sort of thing. The insinuation of a 'thing' is there, but it's like looking at it through a fishbowl.

And ultimately, a lot of AI art tends to just be a little too 'perfect'. Everything is just a little too smooth for it to look like it was naturally made by a person. Faces end up veering into the uncanny valley territory and there are inconsistencies between the eyes and the rest of the body. Backgrounds become lost in what I like to call "AI goop", becoming nothing more than weird blurred/filtered out insinuations of what's supposed to be behind the character.

Basically, at this point, it's undeniably clear that AI is being used to create this comic. While there are also plenty of signs in the handiwork that show a human was involved in some parts, there are other places that are undeniably filled in with the use of AI. So it's not necessarily a 100% made-by-AI comic, but it's absolutely AI assisted.

But what's REALLY absurd about this whole situation? The creator denies it. To the point of including a disclaimer in the first episode trying to "get ahead" of people who are assuming it's AI by saying, "No, it's not made with AI, here's the proof! Don't look at the blood on my hands or the body in the trunk of my car!"

Now, first off, the absolute absurdity of making yourself look guiltier by trying to prove your innocence before people have even started to suspect you... I'd like to think that this was edited into the first episode after the initial accusations started rolling in but considering it's an Originals series, it's hard to know if it was, as creators typically don't get as much control over just editing their episodes on the fly like Canvas creators do. Typically it's their editors who do that sort of thing for them. And even if it was edited in afterwards, it's still there for people who have no idea going into the comic blind and might not automatically assume it was made with AI, so it just looks like you're bringing up the potential of AI being used completely unprovoked. By planting the idea in your audience's brain that AI is even a question, you're making them suspect everything.

It's kind of like when Dream was suspected of cheating in a way-too-lucky-to-be-real speedrun of Minecraft a couple years back, so he went to all these painstaking efforts of hiring a quantum physicist to "prove" his innocence with a straight up THESIS documenting all of the reasons he couldn't have cheated through math and figures and jargon. Ironically, this just made Dream look guiltier, and sure enough, he eventually admitted he had cheated.

That said, did you notice something in that "art process" pic?

That finished panel isn't even what showed up in the final comic.

So the absurdity of this all, again, just makes Arts Angel look a lot more guilty of actually using AI, especially when it's basically undeniable in so many of those panels above. People don't paint like that.

But that brings us to talking about Sarah Ellerton, aka "Arts Angel", the creator. Many long-time readers of her work are defending this, claiming that she has, in fact, "always drawn like this".

What's insane? She actually is who she says she is. This isn't like some kid who came out of the woodwork with AI and claiming that they had 20 years of experience, Sarah Ellerton's main site, The Seraph-Inn, has been live and crawled by Wayback Machine as far back as 2005.

And you can see the art evolution over the years, starting with Inverloch-

-into Phoenix-

-and all the way to Immaterial-

But here's the thing about that last comic. The main protagonist is, apparently, the same girl from Quantum Entanglement, the newest installment in this series where it becomes abundantly clear the creator has started using AI.

You can see the effects of this being parsed through AI, because she's gone from being a unique character with two-toned hair and darker skin, to being turned into a generic Instagram anime girl. And lemme tell you, AI used in comics has NOT gotten better at depicting darker-skinned characters (I actually tested an AI-coloring tool WT was planning on putting out a year or two ago, it was uh... not great.)

But the most damning thing about Sarah?

She works in IT.

That on its own wouldn't be so telling if it weren't for the 20 years she clearly spent actually honing her craft, only to suddenly switch to using AI as a crutch.

Quantum Entanglement was picked up for Originals in July 2023. It launched two days ago, with four free to read episodes and 6 more under the FastPass paywall. Three months after it got picked up. That turnaround speed is insane for an Originals series. Now, I'm more inclined to believe that maybe she's using the exact same pages she used in the Canvas version (there's unfortunately no way of checking through Wayback, it never crawled the Canvas version, so unless someone has backups of the Canvas pages they're willing to share, we'll never know) but that short turnaround time is insane for a comic that's this insanely detailed. It likely means they didn't need much pre-production time to get a strong buffer going, and that it doesn't take them as long to produce these episodes on a weekly basis so they could be under way less crunch than creators who do this by hand.

By comparison, the winners of the Call to Action contest from last year are STILL working on their pre-production. Many other greenlit Canvas series are known for getting picked up and stuck in pre-production for several months and even a year or more simply due to how the company operates with when it chooses to launch these series and how much pre-production is necessary. Some creators have literally said that their pre-production was done, but WT still kept them waiting to launch. So three months for a freshly greenlit Canvas series to launch is NOT the norm.

All that said, I feel for the people who are trying to defend her. But it's so undeniably AI with the creator herself providing fake proof that it makes it really sad to think that this person was honing their craft for 20 years just to wind up utilizing AI. Being a good artist does not make you immune to the temptation of using cheap methods or developing bad habits. Going through "the struggle" does not make you immune to taking shortcuts that wind up cheapening your work or taking advantage of the work of others.

Now, maybe Sarah trained AI around her art. If this didn't play out the way it did, I'd be willing to give her benefit of the doubt and assume that. Training AI off your own work, while still up for debate as to how ethical that is, at least doesn't hurt other artists, because it's your own work the AI is "stealing". There are definitely ways AI could be used to make life easier for artists without replacing the art process entirely, the same way artists have learned to use 3D assets and digital art filters to make their process more efficient and boost the quality of their art up to the next level.

But the fact that she's being so cagey over it, claiming she's not using AI period when she very clearly is, providing "proof" that actually proves she definitely used AI, while operating under a penname that's strangely similar to a name Grimes - former tech wife of Elon Musk and staunch supporter of AI - used for one of her studio albums-

- that's what makes it a lot more clear she's using it maliciously.

The AI is very likely trained off another artist's work. Maybe someone whose art style is similar enough to hers that she could integrate it into her own and pass it off as legitimate. Someone whose art style is cartoonish but still modern, like if Disney made anime. Someone who's so prolific and consistent in their stylization that training an AI off it would seem like a no brainer to those who want to replicate that style quickly and easily.

Damn. What a disappointment. Do better, Sarah.

And for god's sakes, Webtoons, pay more fucking attention. I've been steadily picking away at moving the entirety of my comics over to other platforms on a weekly schedule, but at this point I kinda just wanna dump the last 30 or so chapters onto ComicFury all at once so I can ditch this platform for good, especially if it turns out AI comics getting greenlit is a feature, not a bug. The ratings for Quantum Entanglement have dropped significantly overnight, now sitting around 5.09 and still dropping, but is Webtoons going to do anything about it? That remains to be seen.

[thewintersoldierdisaster]

a/n: a fun (long) little something! @making-it-big requested wedding night/honeymoon and i’m giving you guys both! also writing smut is hard (lol) sometimes and i lost track of limbs at a certain point, so like, just go with it. i actually went to greece this past summer so some of the trip details are pulled from my own vacation! 🥰 let me know if you guys want a separate post of the pics that sort of correspond with this fic, including one of the hotels!

word count: 9.1k (!!!!!)

tw: smut smut smut with dirty talking drei and our standard google-translated russian disclaimer 😂

summary: a wedding in raleigh followed by a honeymoon in greece, island hopping with andrei

Everything after the priest declared you husband and wife and Andrei dipped you back in a dramatic kiss is a little bit of a blur.

You’re announced as Mr. and Mrs. Svechnikov at the reception and have your first dance to Madonna’s Crazy for You, which is mildly embarrassing but it’s the song that was playing when you kissed for the first time, so it’s kind of your song. Andrei dances with Elena and you dance with your dad, wiping your tears on the tissue you keep wadded up in your fist.

Dinner is served and the table of hockey players clink their knives against their water glasses every twenty minutes so Andrei will kiss you. He obliges happily every time, cradling your face and kissing you sweetly. You grin against his mouth, the cacophony of cheers from your wedding guests the best soundtracks.

After you cut the cake - vanilla with white chocolate raspberry filling and a spray of flowers that match your bouquet falling down the sides of the tiers - the DJ kicks into high gear and everyone is crowding the dance floor. Andrei’s hands are on your waist while you dance, holding you close, your ass against his groin. You laugh, barely caring that there’s so many of your relatives watching. You can barely feel your feet and your face hurts from smiling.

The first reception carries on until one and by then all the older guests and both sets of parents have gone to bed.

You and Andrei thought ahead and rented out the attached and enclosed patio space for another few hours and while the music is playing, you both rush up to the honeymoon suite, giggling and holding hands.

“Did I tell you you look beautiful?” Andrei asks, kissing a trail down the back of your neck while he unzips your dress.

“Yes, but you can say it again,” you laugh, letting the dress fall to the floor and stepping out of it.

Andrei turns you in his arms and kisses you deeply, his hands warm and broad on your skin. You clutch at the front of his shirt, holding on for dear life. “You look beautiful,” he murmurs, kissing you softer.

His hands slide down over your ass, squeezing, and you wriggle in his grip, pressing against his front. “As much as I can’t wait to have wedding night sex,” you grin, twisting your fingers in the untied fabric of his bow tie, “I want to change and get back to our friends!”

Andrei’s hands slip between your thighs and you squirm, his fingers thick and pressing against the seam between your legs. “They won’t miss us,” he murmurs, teasing you, stroking his fingers gently against the fabric of your underwear.

“Oh,” you gasp, knees turning to putty under his touch, “we only get one wedding reception after-party.”

He presses a kiss, chaste considering where his fingers are, to your temple and hums against your skin. “I guess. Just means you’ll be even more ready for me,” his voice is low, husky, and you’re honestly tempted to say fuck the after party and fuck him against the wall.

You shiver and dance away from him, the hot imprints of his fingers still burning your skin. “I’m always ready for you,” you admit shakily, taking your after-party dress off its hanger and slipping into it. The feathers on the miniskirt’s hem tickle at your bare thighs and you do a little twirl to get the skirt flaring out. You fell in love with the dress after seeing it in a little boutique after your bridal shower and thought about wearing it for the rehearsal dinner, but the feathers and thin straps felt more appropriate for the after-party.

Andrei looks over from where he’s hanging up your ceremony dress - you have him trained so well with all this wedding stuff - and his jaw drops. “Solnyshka,” he breathes, “you have to let me take that dress off of you and fuck you. Please.”

“Later, Mr. Svechnikov,” you croon, trailing your fingers over the edge of his jaw. It’s been so many hours since he last shaved, his jaw is lightly stubbled again. Andrei leans into your touch, growling when you giggle and skip to the door. He hurries after you, snagging your hand and lacing your fingers together.

You’re immediately handed a shot when you get back to the party and toss it back, grimacing a little. Andrei accepts a glass from Geno and you’re almost positive it’s full of vodka, but he doesn’t react at all when he takes a drink. The music is loud and you’re immediately dancing, shimmying and jumping to the old-school classics. Andrei, Geno, Brady, and Pyotr jump and shout lyrics at each other, but Andrei’s hands never leave your body. Even when he’s not looking at you, his hand is in yours or touching your back.

Eventually, he loses the bow tie and his shirt gets unbuttoned. Geno has his tie around his head and all the groomsmen are in various states of disheveled. You gravitate to Andrei, looping your arms around his neck and swaying against him, lazily grinding on him. He’s hard behind his tuxedo pants, kissing softly behind your ear. The music doesn’t match the tempo of your dance and all of your friends are jumping and dancing around you. But it’s dark outside the venue and right now, the only thing you’re aware of is Andrei’s fingers tangling in the bun that’s loosening at the nape of your neck and the feeling of his body against yours.

“Party’s winding down, zhena,” Andrei whispers in your ear, warm breath sending a shiver up your spine. And that's a new thing, how he's been calling you wife all night. In Russian or in English, he doesn't care. He's marking you as his.

The loud music and flowing alcohol is telling a different story, but you blink up at Andrei. His hair is mussed, flipped over his forehead, and his face is flushed from dancing and drinking. His lips curl up in a soft smile and you lean up on tiptoes to press your lips to his.

“I don’t think they’ll miss us, muzh,” you murmur against his lips, feeling his smirk when he realizes you called him ‘husband’ in Russian. You'd learned the pronunciation specifically for today. His hands tighten in your hair, angling your head back a little so he can kiss you again, deeper this time.

Your body melts against Andrei’s, warmth rushing through your veins. “Take me to bed, Mr. Svechnikov,” you whisper, giggling. He wraps an arm around your waist and lifts you off your feet. Holding you against his side, Andrei practically runs from the room. You cling to his neck, laughing the entire time.

In the elevator back up to the suite, Andrei pins you against the wall, resting one hand next to your head and sliding the other up and under your skirt. You lean into his touch, kissing him hungrily. His fingers play at the edges of your panties, disappearing beneath the fabric to stroke you gently. The doors slide open before he can really do anything and you’re back in his arms, being carried into the honeymoon suite.

Andrei lays you out on the bed and you kick one foot up. He grabs your ankle with fast reflexes and grins at you. “Yes?”

“I can’t do the buckles from up here,” you pout, batting your eyelashes at him. Andrei laughs, traced his index finger over the arch of your foot and over the top. He taps at the buckle.

“What’s the magic word, zhena?”

“Pozhaluysta, muzh,” you coo, butchering the pronunciation and slurring the words together a little. Even still, Andrei’s grip tightens around your ankle and the front of his pants grow tighter.

He makes quick work of the little buckle, letting your heel fall to the ground. The bow on the toe of the Jimmy Choos is likely to get crumpled, but Andrei kisses your ankle bone and your brain short circuits a bit. He sets your ankle on his shoulder and grabs for your other foot, undoing that buckle equally as quick. Before you know it, both your ankles are draped over Andrei’s shoulders and his hands are roaming up your thighs. You whine his name and he pinches the inside of your thigh gently.

“I want to enjoy this,” he murmurs, hand grasping at the lace of your panties and tugging. You frown at the sound of the fabric ripping, but immediately gasp and arch your back when Andrei buries two fingers in you without warning.

“Drei!” You moan, clenching around his fingers, wiggling at the sensation. Your legs try to snap together, trapping Andrei’s head between your knees.

“Zhena,” he whispers, “moya zhena, I’m going to make you come until the sun comes up.”

You think you make orgasm from his words alone, but then he crooks his fingers and you shout, kicking one heel against his shoulder and twisting the sheet in your fists. He grins, self-satisfied, and leans down to kiss you, the change of angle driving his fingers even deeper. You push at his shirt with your heels, getting it off one arm and leaving it to drape over the mattress, still on the other arm.

“Drei, please, I need,” you babble, sucking in a breath when the pad of his thumb finds your clit and strokes it roughly. “Shit, more, please.”

He adds a third finger and you cry out his name, grinding against his hand, heat coiling and building low in your stomach. His other hand grips at your thigh, massaging the muscle while he encourages you. “Come on, solnyshka, come for your husband, like a good little wife.”

“Andreiiii,” you chant his name, breathless, arching your back and clenching around his fingers. He crooks his fingers and presses down hard on your clit and you’re over the edge, starbursts dancing behind your eyes. He’s talking you through your orgasm, stroking your thigh with one hand, murmuring about what a good girl you are. You gasp and slump back against the mattress, a few feathers drifting around your head from where they’ve basically been fucked off your dress. “Christ,” you mumble, dazed.

Andrei slowly withdraws his fingers, the loss of them making you feel empty. He shakes his shirt off his arm and it flutters to the floor while Andrei sticks his fingers in his mouth and sucks them clean while holding eye contact with you.

You groan, “are you trying to make me come without even touching me?” You wiggle against the sheets, feeling hot and sweaty. Your dress bunches up at your upper thighs and Andrei’s gaze dips down.

“My love,” he grins, kneeling on the bed with one knee so the mattress dips with his weight, “you’ll know when I’m trying to make you come.”

He undoes the buckle of his belt, the clinking of metal on metal when his wedding band slips against the buckle making your gaze trail down. The fly of his tuxedo pants is open and you can see the bulge of his erection against his black boxer-briefs. You sit up a little, angling to lean forward and reach for him, but Andrei shakes his head.

“No, no,” he murmurs, wrapping a hand around your wrist. “What kind of husband would I be,” he brings your hand to his mouth and kisses your palm, “if I didn’t take care of my wife?”

His voice, deep and warm, fills you with desire and you sigh, pressing your thighs together, already a mess for him. “Andrei, don’t tease,” you whine, wiggling your fingers at him. “I just want to feel you. I want you in me.”

Leaning down and forcing you to lie back again, Andrei braces his hand next to your head and kisses you sweetly. “You will,” he promises, smoothing his other hand over your cheek. “I’m going to make love to my wife,” he murmurs, kissing you again. His hand moves around your back and he plays with the zipper of your dress. You get the hint and scoot into a sitting position so he can work the zipper with one hand and slip the dress off your body, leaving you bare except for your strapless bra. Andrei kisses the swell of each breast and flicks at the clasp, discarding the bra to the floor. You kick a little at the dress and it slips to the floor where it’s joined quickly by Andrei’s pants, leaving you staring at his erection straining behind the black cotton.

“Lie back,” he commands and you do, already slightly breathless. He kneels on the bed again, your legs falling open to make room for him to get in between your thighs. “So beautiful,” he mumbles, absently, almost to himself, while he pulls himself out of his boxer-briefs, stroking his already hard length into a steel rod. His cock juts put in front of him and your mouth waters at the sight. You can’t believe that this gorgeous man is yours, forever.

“Andrei,” you pout, hand sliding between your legs to alleviate some of the growing pressure. He doesn’t make a move to stop you and instead his gaze is laser focused on where your fingers are circling your clit. You gasp. “Please, I need more, I need you,” you whisper, hooking an ankle around his thigh and tugging. You can’t move him on your own, so when he shifts forward, you know he’s going to give you what you want.

He lowers his body over yours, nestled in between your legs, his weight braced on one hand. You grin up at him, tracing his bicep with your free hand and pushing at his boxer-briefs with the other. Your fingers brush his cock and he shivers, hips jolting. “Make love to me, Andrei,” you murmur, lifting your head to kiss him, sucking his bottom lip in between your teeth. He groans into your mouth and your guide him to your entrance, the head of his cock bumping against your clit and sending delicious shocks down to your toes.

Still kissing you, Andrei rolls his hips and enters you. You gasp into his mouth and meet his hips with yours. He sets a slow, leisurely pace, thrusting gently and keeping control. Your legs hook around his waist, deepening the angle. His hips roll and you meet him thrust for thrust.

“Drei,” you gasp his name, raking your nails down his back. “More, please.”

He picks up the pace, but just barely, the tension building low in your stomach. Your hands roam his body, slick with sweat, and tangle in his hair.

He kisses you again and it’s cheesy, because you’ve kissed Andrei hundreds, thousands, hundred thousands of times, but this is different. These kisses are so much more. They’re soft and hungry and lazy and so full of love.

Andrei thrusts again, dipping his hand between your bodies because he knows exactly how to get you to come and your thighs are trembling with the building tension. “Come on, little wife,” he murmurs hoarsely, biting gently at the swell of your breast, flicking his tongue over your nipple. “Show me how beautiful you are when you come.”

You cry his name, clenching around him and then you’re both coming, clutching each other’s bodies. Your nails dig into his arms and Andrei’s face is buried in your neck. He’s breathing heavily, filling you and pumping his hips and it’s overwhelming, just how much you love him. You melt into the mattress, boneless, and encourage Andrei through his orgasm, stroking his neck and murmuring softly to him. He exhaled roughly and drops down from shaky arms, half of his body covering yours.

“I think I like married sex,” you huff a laugh, twisting a piece of Andrei’s hair between your fingers. His thigh is wedged in between yours and you resist the urge to rub your still sensitive clit against the hard, corded muscle.

He kisses your shoulder. “Me too,” he chuckles. His fingers trace a lazy pattern over your side, dragging from your hip bone up to the side of your breast and back down. You yawn, the repetitive motion soothing you and dragging your eyelids shut. You have no idea what time it is, but it has to be late, or early. The blackout curtains are drawn, but you wouldn’t be surprised if the sun is starting to come up.

“Don’t go to sleep,” Andrei says, already rolling off of you. “Let me clean you up.”

He gets out of bed and pads naked to the bathroom. You take the opportunity to roll on your side and ogle his firm, round ass. His entire form is lean muscle and strong, solid thighs. You swipe a hand between your legs and press at your clit, unfairly aroused and overstimulated by his body. Andrei’s back with a damp washcloth before you can really do anything about it, but he catches you and smirks, eyes flashing. He holds the cloth up and crooks a finger at you. “Come here,” he says, even as he’s climbing back into bed and dragging your legs over his lap.

Slowly, torturously, he runs the cloth between your legs and you squirm. The rough fabric is too much for your sensitive nerves and Andrei knows it. He moves even slower and only smiles when you grind your hips over his hand. “Going for the hat trick?” He laughs, everything brought back to hockey with him.

You frown. “It’s not fair that you’re so damn attractive,” you’re breathless, working yourself over the cloth and his hand. He just laughs again, the bastard, and helps you along until you’re coming for the third time, sweaty and completely limp in his arms. Andrei gathers you against his chest and you press your hot, sweaty cheek against his heart.

“I have to get up and pee,” you mumble, “but I don’t think I can walk.”

He kisses the top of your head and carries you into the bathroom, letting you do your business and get cleaned up while he goes back to sit on the edge of the bed. He’s yawning when you come back, still naked, but face clean of the stray makeup smudges. Your hair is tangled and still half in its bun, so you’ve left it to be tomorrow’s problem. Andrei opens his arms and you step in between his legs, resting your forearms on his shoulders. He leans forward and rests his forehead in the valley between your breasts, breathing softly. Another yawn works it’s way through your body and you shift, pushing Andrei back on the bed and climbing up with him. “I really need to sleep,” you sigh, your eyelids getting heavy again.

Andrei nods, looking tired himself. You both climb under the covers on your usual sides of the bed - Andrei closer to the door and you closer to the window - and lie down facing each other. You trace Andrei’s features with your index finger, running over his jaw line, forehead, and the line of his nose. His eyes flutter shut at your touch and his hand reaches for you, landing on your hip and pulling you close. You tuck your head under his chin, trailing your fingers over the column of his neck and feeling the stubble that’s there. “I love you, solnyshka,” he says quietly, his chest vibrating under your body.

“I love you,” you sigh, curling up close to him and falling asleep within minutes.

You wake up late the next morning, sunlight streaming brightly around the cracks of the curtains. Stretching out your entire body, you realize Andrei’s still asleep too. He must be exhausted since usually he’s up well before you. He’s flat on his back, arm thrown over his face, and sheet tented over his lap. Andrei’s mouth is a little open and he’s snoring softly - looking adorable while he’s at it. You reach for your phone, planning on taking a picture - the first picture of your husband (!) that you’ll take on your own phone - but when the screen lights up, you catch sight of the time and wince. It’s nearly noon, which would be late in the day normally, but your parents planned a day-after-the-wedding lunch for the guests staying at the hotel, scheduled to start at one. You both need showers and to change, so you drop your phone in the covers and smooth a hand over Andrei’s stomach, gliding it up over his pecs and curling it around the back of his neck before cupping his cheek, scratching your nails into his stubble.

“Drei, baby, time to get up,” you murmur, leaning down and pressing kisses to his chest and shoulder. “We have lunch in an hour.”

He grumbles - the only time he’s not a bouncing ball of energy and positivity is the few minutes right before he’s fully awake - and turns his head so he can press his cheek fully into your palm. “No,” he mumbles into your skin. “Nyet, do obeda. Ostavat'sya v posteli.”

He does that too, revert to Russian in his sleep. You brush your nose against his cheek. “I don’t know what that means beyond ‘nyet’ so whatever you said isn’t going to stop me,” you laugh a little.

Andrei cracks one eye open and squints at you. His lips curl up in a lazy smile and his hand lands on your waist. “I said,” he sighs, “no to lunch. Let’s stay in bed.”

You let him pull you against his side even as you’re shaking your head, which is a mistake because that seems to trigger your hangover. You press your lips together and wait for a minute before continuing, “we have two and a half weeks in Greece to relax and stay in bed, let’s go see everyone and eat because I’m starving.”

“I’ll order room service,” Andrei jokes, waking up and sitting up to kiss you.

“I want to see how hungover everyone is,” you giggle. “And you know what they say, happy wife, happy life.”

He swats at your ass a little when you roll away from him, laughing, and climb out of bed. You wiggle your ass in his direction playfully, “your wife wants you to join her in the shower, aren’t you going to make me happy?”

“That I can do,” Andrei promises, getting out of bed and wrapping his arms around your waist to carry you into the shower.

Of course, the shower takes twice as long as it should and by the time you get dressed - casually because once you opened the blinds, the afternoon North Carolina sunlight had nearly blinded you and caused a headache to form right between your eyes and nausea to roll your stomach - you’re running late to your own celebratory lunch. Andrei’s fingers play with the tie straps on your sundress as you head downstairs and you lean against him heavily. “I don’t understand how you don’t get hungover,” you mumble. “It’s unconscionable.”

He chuckles, chest vibrating against your back. “I’m bigger and Russian,” he shrugs, all the explanation you’re going to get. Truthfully, you just think he didn’t have as much to drink as you did. Even during the off-season, Andrei isn’t that big of a partier.

Once you get down to the hotel’s dining space, it’s all you can do not to laugh. The room is split into two camps - the older relatives who checked out by the end of the main reception and the friends and younger relatives that had partied with you at the after-party. The adults look tired, but happy, and your friends look like death warmed up.

Brady’s cradling his head in his hands while Gracia nudges toast in front of him. Pyotr has his head pillowed on his arms on the table. Geno has his sunglasses on inside and you spot Elena pointing him out to your mom and laughing, shaking her head at him. Jordan’s nursing a mug of coffee and you spot your best friends taking a carafe of coffee directly from the waiter and setting it on the table in front of them.

“Rough night?” You giggle, pressing your fingers to your temple at the spike of pain. The girls look up at you with bloodshot eyes.

Tia groans, “who challenges Russian hockey players to a drinking contest?”

“A moron, that’s who,” Kate murmurs, her voice nearly gone from scream-singing.

“Who’d you challenge?” Andrei asks, munching on a piece of bacon. You look at his food with a jealous eye and he holds out the half-eaten strip for you. You take a bite gratefully and chew while you wait for Tia’s answer.

She wrinkles her nose. “Who didn’t I challenge is the question, but I finally tapped out against Pyotr and Geno.”

“It was impressive,” Geno mumbles, holding his hand up for Tia to slap in a high-five.

“Party of the year, Svechy,” Brady grins. “But fuck, I’m gonna feel this hangover for a week.”

Andrei smirks at his friend and says, “good thing it’s off-season.”

Your mom calls you both over and you wind your way amongst the tables, leaving your hungover friends to recover. Andrei’s hand is warm against your lower back as you head across the room, his fingers splayed out.

“Honey,” your mom pats your hip when you reach her side, “I think you could use a little make-up, right here.” She waves her hand in the general area of her neck and you flush, knowing she means the hickeys Andrei sucked into your skin the night before.

“I, um, I’ll take that into consideration,” you stammer, even as Andrei sniggers behind your back. You swing your leg back, kicking your heel into his shin, and he just wraps his arms around your waist and rests his chin on your shoulder.

Shooting the parents a wide and innocent, but sincere, smile, he says, “thank you, all of you, for helping us have the best wedding yesterday. We appreciate it very much.”

Your mother’s attention is now on her new son-in-law and not the marks on your neck. She smiles at him, “it was more than our pleasure. You two deserve it.”

“And especially the vacation,” Elena chimes in. “It’s well-earned.”

It definitely is. Andrei’s fresh off a Stanley Cup victory and you’re fresh off the stress of planning a wedding around the playoffs. You can’t wait to soak up the Mediterranean sun and have sex with your husband in between delicious meals. Your flight leaves the next afternoon and you’re more than ready to get going.

The parents release you back to your friends and lunch becomes a fun, lazy affair, a continuation of the after-party, where it’s revealed that Kate and Pyotr had hooked up in the hotel’s garden and half the team had lost money on that bet.

Eventually, you’re gently kicked out of the dining hall and your parents come up to the honeymoon suite to take both of your dresses to be cleaned and preserved for you while you’re in Greece. Elena and Igor take Andrei’s tux and put it in their car along with the three other tuxes belonging to your dad, Igor, and Geno. They’ve kindly volunteered to return them so it’s one less thing for Andrei to worry about when you get back.

Geno unloads Andrei’s honeymoon suitcase from his car, setting it next to yours in the back corner of the suite where it’s been since the morning of the wedding. You’re getting another night in the hotel before you leave for Greece, so all the luggage had to be brought with you. Not that it matters really, you’ve been packed for a week, beyond excited for the trip, and you’d packed most of Andrei’s stuff too. “What do you have in here?” Geno asks, teasing. “All of your hair products?”

Andrei raises an eyebrow at his brother and deadpans, “sex toys.”

You giggle while Geno processes for a few silent seconds before cracking into his trademark missing-toothed grin. He laughs loudly and cups Andrei’s face in his hands, squeezing his little brother’s cheek’s together. “You’re a little shit,” he shakes his head affectionately, “you know that?”

“Learned from the best,” Andrei mumbles, trying to smile while Geno is squishing his face.

The rest of the day and the next morning passes in a blur of last minute preparation, couples massages, and sex on every surface of the honeymoon suite. You put the shower bench to particularly good use.

Finally, after a quick lunch, you’re on the way to the airport, vibrating with excitement in the back seat. “I can’t believe we’re going to be completely and totally off the grid,” you sigh, closing your eyes and thinking about it. You’d decided against an international plan and are keeping your phones on airplane mode the entire trip, save for a few minutes at the end of the day when you’ll connect to hotel WiFi to check in with your parents. “It’s going to be so nice.”

“I’m just looking forward to spending time with you,” Andrei says sweetly, kissing your cheek.

Your flight ends up delayed for two hours, meaning more time to people-watch in the airport. Andrei gets bored sitting around and does laps, reporting back that he found no less than four Auntie Anne’s pretzel shops. “And you didn’t bring me cinnamon sugar pretzel nuggets?” You shake your head. “Bad start to the marriage.”

He does another lap and brings you the nuggets along with a lemonade, stealing a few pretzels from the cup before he hands them over.

Once you’re on the plane - first class(!) - Andrei takes both of your carry-ons and stows them away, letting you have the first shift in the window seat. You’ve learned over the past few years of dating that you both love the window seat, but Andrei would rather sit there during touchdown and you like it during takeoff, which makes it easy to switch off.

After takeoff, you get comfortable in your seat, kicking off your sneakers and folding your legs up on the seat. Andrei stretches out his legs and crosses them at the ankle, grinning when he sees you aiming your phone at him for a picture and throwing up a thumbs-up. Picture taking and documenting memories in scrapbooks is one of your love languages and Andrei learned early on how to be an Instagram husband, to pose for shots, and to always be aware that you’re taking candids.

“Make sure you save your boarding pass,” you say. “It’s going in the honeymoon scrapbook.”

He holds the slip of paper up in between his index and middle fingers, smirking, “whatever you say, wife.”

“Excellent,” you lean over the armrest and kiss him softly.

The flight attendant comes by with drinks and catches you kissing Andrei. “Aren’t you two adorable?” She comments, handing Andrei a water and you a ginger ale (it just tastes different on a plane).

You can’t help yourself and burst out, “we’re on our way to Greece for our honeymoon!”

“Well!” She beams, clapping her hands. “That’s so exciting! I wish you both a long and happy marriage.”

You thank her, Andrei chiming in at the same time.

The flight is uneventful. Andrei falls asleep almost immediately, since he’s so used to plane travel, and you know to wake him up for snacks and meal service. You’ve never been able to sleep on a plane, too excited and eager to enjoy the experience, so you find a movie to watch. Over the seven hours, you watch Top Gun and cry when Goose dies, Ghostbusters: Afterlife and cry when Harold Ramis’s character appears as a ghost or vision or whatever at the end, and The Parent Trap. You don’t cry during that one, but that’s mostly because you’ve seen it so many times and you’re desensitised.

Andrei stirs a little, waking up for dinner and to tease you about crying over old movies. You wrinkle your nose at him and he holds your hand when he falls back asleep.

You booked the trip through a Greek travel company, which means literally everything was taken care of including all transfers to and from the airport and the different hotels and islands, so all you have to do when you land, is gather your luggage and find the man holding up the SVECHNIKOV placard. Andrei drags the one large checked suitcase and his carry-on behind him, his backpack secure on his back. You’re left with your rolling carry-on and the old Jansport you’re using as a personal item for travel purposes.

“Mr and Mrs Svechnikov?” The man smiles at them. “I am James, I will drive you to the hotel.” He takes the suitcase from you and tries to take one from Andrei, but your husband is firm that he’ll pull his own suitcase. You traipse along behind both men, still taking in the sights and sounds of the Athens airport.

The heat hits you the second you step foot outside, a warm wall that has you sweating witching a few feet. The sun is bright and the air feels thick. You slide your sunglasses over your face and push up the sleeves of your travel sweatshirt, grinning like a fool at Andrei. He shares your smile, looking around at the mountainous surroundings.

It’s about a half-hour drive to the hotel and you find yourself dozing, leaning against Andrei’s arm, as you drive. The time difference and lack of sleep over the past few days are catching up to you. The warm of Andrei’s body next to yours isn’t helping. But after your little nap, you feel refreshed when you get to the hotel. So refreshed that you immediately drop the bags off and start exploring the neighborhood. Andrei holds your hand as you walk, taking in the vibrant surroundings and the smells of amazing food. You bounce on the balls of your feet every time you spot a stray cat and squeal when you stumble on the Acropolis.

“Oh my god, Drei!” You grin. “We’re actually here. Like we’re actually, really in Greece on our honeymoon.”

He laughs and kisses you. “I know, solnyshka. It feels like a dream.”

The entire trip is a dream. You get up early the next morning and hike up the slope of the Parthenon to see the Acropolis. It’s hot, but beautiful. You looks around in awe, overwhelmed by the history and architectural work. Andrei asks a couple if they’ll take a photo of the two of you and he pulls you into his arms, holding you against his side and smiling widely for the picture. You lean up to kiss his cheek for another photo.

By the time you start the walk back down, it’s even hotter and the crowds are getting out of control. Andrei is at your back, keeping a watch as you go down the marble steps. Once you get to the bottom, you get two frozen lemonades, plain for Andrei and strawberry for you, and lean against a nearby wall to suck them down and cool off.

“There’s so much history here,” you say, looking around. “It’s just so cool! I mean, to think that the Acropolis was built so many hundreds of years ago and it’s still standing.”

“Nerd,” he teases you affectionately.

After a few days in Athens, you’re shuffled off to the ferry via car service early in the morning. It’s still dark when you get in line to board and you’re wrapped in a sweatshirt while you lean on the big suitcase. Andrei’s hand is warm on your back and your legs tingle a little, still sore from the marathon sex you’ve been having. You sip at your coffee, enjoying just how strong the Greek coffee is. “We definitely need to bring some of this coffee back home,” you say, holding your cup up for Andrei to have a sip.

“A cup of this before a game and I’m flying,” he agrees.

“You could use that, old man,” you tease him, nudging his foot with yours and he smacks at your ass a little.

“Brat.”

You smirk at him. “Guess you’ll have to punish me, then.”

Andrei’s eyes darken in the dim light, but before he gets the chance to say anything, the line starts moving and there’s an announcement that boarding is happening. You shuffle along, Andrei’s hand reaching out to pinch your ass, making you yelp. When you look back at him, he just smiles innocently.

The ferry ride to Naxos from Athens isn’t very long, just about four hours, but it’s long enough for you both to get in quick naps once you find your seats. Andrei has his legs propped up on the suitcase, keeping it close, and your lips tilt up at the sight of him with his head back and his baseball cap over his face. You snap a picture.

Naxos is gorgeous, but your hotel is smack in the middle of nowhere and has an outdated 70s vibe that makes you think of murder motels. It’s an uncharitable thought because everyone is so nice and polite, especially when they find out you’re celebrating your honeymoon. The beach is a thirty minute walk in one direction and the town is more than an hour’s walk in the other. You manage to figure out the bus system and are on the beach, laying on side-by-side lounge chairs in under an hour. The water is too gorgeous to be real and it’s warm enough that you don’t have to tentatively step in and get used to it.

The days pass by in a blur of sun and sand, picnics packed for lunch, and in one memorable afternoon, a stumble on a nude beach.

“Oh my god!” You yelp, eyes going wide. “We have to turn around.”

Andrei’s laughing so hard he can’t speak, averting his eyes from looking directly at all the old people baring it all. You cover your eyes on the side like you’re wearing blinders and speed walk back in the direction of your chairs. “Solnyshka,” Andrei calls after you, still laughing, “it’s natural! What if I decided to strip down? Would you run away from me?”

“No!” You smother a horrified laugh. “But you’re my husband and your balls don’t hang down to your ankles. It’s not exactly a hardship to look at your naked body, Andrei!”

“Well that’s good to hear,” he deadpans. A smirk cracks his facade and he starts to giggle again. “You just looked so horrified.”

“They’re old! And wrinkled! And their skin is like leather - has no one heard of moisturiser?” You shake your head, planning on rubbing in another layer of sunscreen when you’re back at your chairs.

Dinner is usually a relaxed affair, sitting at some taverna by the water, plates of appetizers covering the table. You have a Greek salad with every meal, thoroughly enjoying the feta and fresh tomatoes. Naxos is known for their cheese, so you order a cheese platter one night and share approximately two pieces with Andrei, fighting each other with your forks. He distracts you, pointing over your shoulder and exclaiming that he sees dolphins, and when you look over to see nothing, he pulls the cheese plate to himself and protectively encircles his arms around it, laughing when you start tugging at his hands. There’s this amazingly bright beet dip - a perfect magenta pink and so addictive with the grilled pita bread.

“I could marry this dip,” you moan.

Andrei raises an eyebrow. “I could be okay with polygamy.”

After Naxos, you take the ferry to Paros - just an hour on the boat and you’re in a completely different location. It’s amazing how efficient the ferries are and how civilized the whole process is. You get to keep your luggage the whole time and since seats are assigned on your ticket, no one fights for a seat.

Paros is a gorgeous island. Similar in size to Naxos, but more built up. Your hotel is magical - a true five star - with palm trees by the pool and perfectly manicured grounds. There are hot pink flowers everywhere and you breathe in the fresh air, feeling like a different person.

“I love this place,” you sigh, stretching out on a lounger next to the pool. Andrei toasts you with his drink, something in a coconut that he’d never normally order at home.

“Top hotel so far,” he says, tucking one hand behind his head, making his bicep pop. He’s been running in the mornings, to counterbalance the food you’ve been eating. But he’s also been so relaxed, which is something you’re glad to see. The last few years have been a lot on him - his ACL injury that had led to a shortened season when he returned followed by the deep playoff run leading to the eventual Stanley Cup. He needed a minute to unwind.

He reaches out over the distance between your chairs and wiggles his fingers at you. You reach your own hand out and let him lace your fingers together. Unfairly, he’s tanner than you are, his skin turning a nice golden brown under the Greek sun. Andrei’s thumb traces over your knuckles.

Neither of you say anything, just enjoying the company and quiet.

The beach is a two minute walk from your hotel, so in the afternoons, you make your way over there with just your towels to swim in the sea. You’re actually addicted to the Mediterranean now and have no idea how you’re going to go back to swimming in the Atlantic. There’s some cliffs around the beach and Andrei eggs you on to climb them and jump off.

You’re a chicken when it comes to stuff like that, but with Andrei encouraging you, and screaming all the way down, you jump from a decently high cliff. The adrenaline rush is unparalleled and Andrei enthusiastically responds when you jump into his arms, kissing him hungrily. With the buoyancy from the salt water helping, Andrei carries you into a secluded cove, shadowed by the cliffs you had just jumped off of. He presses you against the rocks, scraping your back, and twists his fingers in the ties of your bikini bottoms.

His fingers edge under the fabric and you squirm, wanting him to touch you. “Come on, Drei,” you urge him. “Touch me, please.”

“Anyone could swim by, zhena,” he murmurs against your neck, licking at the drying salt.

“Not if,” you gasp, letting your head fall back as Andrei licks and bites your neck. “Not if you’re fast.”

He hums against your skin, still toying with the fabric of your bottoms. Your legs are wrapped around his waist and you can feel the hard heat of his cock pressing into you. You grind down against him and he bites your shoulder in a little warning. “You like this?” He asks, slipping his index finger under your bathing suit and letting the tip of it tease at your swollen folds. The cool water laps around you, keeping your temperature down. “You want people to see you, my love? You want them to see me give you my fingers, see how many of them you can take?”

“I…yes…Andrei, please,” you whine, heels kicking against his back while you clench around the tip of his finger. “I…more… pozhaluysta.”

It’s a dirty trick, using your limited Russian, because you know he finds nothing hotter. Andrei slips two fingers inside of you and crooks them, forcing a cry from your throat. You press one hand against your lips to muffle your noises as he fucks you with his fingers, adding a third after only a few seconds. “You wanted this, my love,” he rasps, “don’t be quiet.”

“Andrei,” you whine his name, toes curling. Your hand fists in his hair and he hisses a little when you tug. His fingers are thick and rough inside of you and it doesn’t take too much longer before you’re clenching around then and coming on his hand. “Fuck,” you mutter, going boneless in his arms.

“Good girl,” Andrei praises you, kisses your shoulder. “I think it’s time for a nap.”

Your eyelids flutter and he carries you through the water back to your towels. Your legs are jelly underneath you, but you wrap yourself in your towel, pressing against his body to feel his erection press into your lower stomach. “You know,” you murmur, “there’s a hammock on the patio of our room.”

Andrei raises an eyebrow at you. “We have a good time in hammocks,” he says slowly.

Agreeing, you continue, “and the bathtub in the room is very, very big. Probably big enough for, say a 6’2” Russian and his brand new wife.”

“We should test that out,” he says, seriously, nudging you through the sand and back to the road leading to your hotel.

Turns out the tub isn’t quite big enough for the both of you and more water splashes over the sides than stays in, but you giggle your way through a bath that’s more groping than anything. The olive oil soap is a nice amenity, getting you both extra slick and slippery - which does eventually result in you banging your knee against the side of the tub, but it’s worth it when Andrei kisses the spot, working his way up your inner thigh.

After the bath, you dry each other off and roll around on the bed, making out and touching each other, but not really doing much more. It’s been a long trip and you’d like to be able to walk at the end of it. You order loukoumades - Greek doughnuts soaked in honey syrup and dusted with cinnamon - from room service and curl up on Andrei’s lap out on the patio to enjoy the warm night and the sweet treat.

Andrei feeds you a doughnut and you purposefully suck his fingers into your mouth when you take a bite. He raises an eyebrow at you and you giggle. “You know,” you say quietly, enjoying the peaceful evening, “one day, I’d like to bring our kids back here. Be the annoying parents that talk about their honeymoon and show their kids all the amazing sights and restaurants.”

“That would be nice,” Andrei replies, resting his chin on your shoulder. “Rent a villa and let them run around in the sun. We should have them learn Greek too, that way someone can translate.”

“Can you imagine?” You grin, leaning back against his chest. “Little babies running around switching between English, Russian, and Greek? They’ll be the smartest kids is Raleigh.”

“And the cutest too, probably.” He nuzzles his nose against the side of your neck. “As long as they look like you.”

Warmth floods your stomach, thinking about a little gang of Svechnikov babies. In your imagination, they look like Andrei, his warm brown eyes and that dimple. You curl closer against him, daydreaming about that future.

Your last island is Santorini and you’re actually spending the least amount of time here, just four and a half days before you fly back to Athens for an overnight stay before leaving for home again. Santorini is gorgeous, but it’s definitely the most crowded of the islands and the most touristy. The blue domes against the white washed buildings are beautiful and the sunsets are as gorgeous as promised. But, after the slower paced Naxos and Paros, you find yourself getting a little cranky with the crowds of Santorini.

“I think you need an ice cream,” Andrei says, guiding you towards one of the many ice cream shops. “You’re getting that hangry look in your eyes.”

“These people just don’t move!” You grumble, following him. “It’s so crowded and if they all stop in the middle of the path…” You throw your hands up in exasperation.

“She’ll have the kataifi,” Andrei says to the woman behind the counter, ignoring you, “and I’ll have the chocolate hazelnut.”

Your ice cream order’s been fairly standard over the past few days in Santorini - the kataifi ice cream is cinnamon-y and sweet and has chunks of the crunchy kataifi phyllo and nuts mixed it. You take the cone and happily tear into it, already feeling a little better as you cool off. Andrei takes his cone and pays, joining you against the wall of the shop. You’re busy keeping your ice cream from melting all over your hands and so when Andrei leans over and licks from the edge of your jaw to your earlobe, you’re so startled you nearly drop the cone entirely.

“Andrei!” You yelp, turning on him with wide eyes. “What the —“

He smirks at you and points at the opposite wall where a blue neon sign proclaims ‘it’s not going to lick itself.’ You blink at the sign briefly and then start giggling. “Just doing what the sign tells me,” he says innocently.

“I don’t think that’s what it means,” you murmur, flicking your gaze down to the front of his shorts.

“You can lick that later,” Andrei promises, grinning. He licks his ice cream scoop very deliberately, flattening his tongue around the scoop and swirling it. Your cheeks flush and you bump his hip with yours. He captures your hand and squeezes, tugging you out of the shop and back into the packed streets.

You wander a little more, popping into a jewelry store where you immediately spot two puppies playing and squat down to play with them. Andrei disappears for a minute, but you’re too distracted to realize he even left until he’s back, hovering over you, asking, “ready to get going?”

“Where’d you go?” You ask, giving the dogs one more pet each before standing up and taking Andrei’s hand.

He waves his other hand, “just around. Looking at souvenirs.”

“Okay,” you squint at him a little suspiciously, but don’t question it. “I think we’ve covered everyone actually, unless you want to get anything else for your parents.” The entirety of one of your carry-on suitcases is dedicated to souvenirs, and there’s spill over into the big suitcase, so you’re kind of hoping Andrei’s done with gifts.

He shakes his head, “I think I’m good.” He smirks at you, “besides, we don’t have any more luggage room, right?”

“You do listen to me!” You laugh.

“Of course,” he kisses your knuckles. “Happy wife, happy life, right?”

Your last day on Satorini is spent on the volcanic black sand beach, relaxing and fooling around in the sea. “I’m going to miss this,” you say, toes skimming the sand while you float in the deep water.

“Let’s come back next year,” Andrei suggests, tipping his face back to the sun. “Another two weeks, there’s hundreds of islands we haven’t seen.”

You find yourself getting a little emotional. “Yeah,” you whisper, emotion clogging your throat, “that would be nice. But it would just be a vacation, it wouldn’t be another honeymoon.”

“No,” Andrei floats over to you and kisses you softly, “it won’t be. But it’ll be a good first anniversary trip.” He kisses your cheek. “Or maybe a trip to celebrate a pregnancy.”

“I love you,” you whisper, wiping at your face. “This has been the best trip, Drei. Honestly. I can’t wait to take a million more.” You loop your arms around his neck and his arms come around your waist, pulling you flush against him.

“You made it the best trip,” he says, dimple popping. “There’s no one else I’d rather spend two and a half weeks island hopping with or getting lost on the way to the beach with. I wouldn’t stop whenever someone else pointed out a stray cat or dog, just you, solnyshka.”

You snort a laugh, “you’re really angling for me to lick something, aren’t you?”

“Well,” Andrei smirks, the sun glinting off of his tanned skin and his brown eyes twinkling, “I wouldn’t say no to a little licking.”

There’s a lot of licking on your last night in Santorini and you both sleep in the next morning, enjoying a lazy start to the day and getting breakfast delivered to your room so you can pack and eat on your own time. The flight back to Athens is only an hour - you spent longer going through security and waiting to board than actually in the air.

You’re only in Athens overnight before you have to leave for the airport at 11, so you make the most of it, wandering around and getting a little bit lost before having a final dinner in a romantic little taverna. Andrei passes a little jewelry box across the table to you while you wait for dessert.

“What’s this?” You trace a finger over the box.

“A present,” he smiles.

“You already gave me a pretty good present,” you hold up your left hand, flashing your engagement ring and wedding band.

He laughs a little. “I know. But this one is to remember Greece.”

You look at him, shaking your head a bit, and pop open the box to find a cross that looks exactly like his, but smaller. “Andrei,” you look back up at him, “this is - it’s just like yours.”

You know Greek and Russian Orthodox are under the same umbrella and Andrei had poked his head into a few churches, doing the cross and dropping a few euros to light candles. You’d gotten married Russian Orthodox and even though it’s your own background, your family was far enough removed from being in Russia that religion wasn’t a major aspect of your life growing up.

“I saw it the other day,” he says. “And you don’t have to wear it, but I thought it might be nice. For us to have matching crosses.” He pauses. “For yours to be a memory of the honeymoon.”

You’re halfway to tears as you’re pulling the chain from the box and clasping it around your neck. “Why are you the most thoughtful, sentimental man in the world?” You lean over the table, the cross around your neck swaying and bumping your chest, and cup his face in your hands to kiss him deeply. “I love it and I love you.”

Andrei’s cheeks are a little pink when you sit back down. He shrugs one shoulder. “I wanted you to have a little piece of me too, when I’m traveling.”

“I’m not taking it off, Drei,” you murmur, tracing your fingers over the cool metal. His own chain is just barely visible under the collar of his shirt and you eye it. “We’re clearly going to have to come back and get more for the future Svechnikov babies.”

He laughs and catches your hand, kissing your palm. “Whatever you want, zhena. Whatever you want.”

A warm breeze carries through the street and it’s the perfect night to end your honeymoon.

[conjuring-ghouls]

I lost my best friend on Sunday.

Life feels sad ever since. Sitting on my bed and not having her immediately come to my lap, or waking up without her weight and warmth on my legs feels excruciating. It's like having a lump in your throat that never leaves, or like being kicked so hard in the stomach that you're out of breath. Only this feeling is constant.

I oscillate between the terrible feeling that a massive part of my life is missing and the comforting sensation that I've accomplished my job in giving her the best life I possibly could. A sense of relief that she got to spend her last days with us, near me and her last minutes in this life in my room, in my bed (or her room, her bed, that she was kind enough to share with me).

Ugh… the only certainty we have in this life is the one of death, either way, I'm still always impressed at how much it hurts. Of how unprepared we are to deal with the excruciating reality of not having someone we love anymore. Of how in one minute they're here, and in the next they're not. Our brain struggles to process this fact. Yet, we keep going because that's all we can do.

Blume, I'm just so glad we've spent SO much time together throughout the years because I have all these nice pics of you. I'm happy that at least I could tell you everything I had to tell you in these last days. Even if it was hard, even if i couldn't help crying while holding your tiny little paw. But when you looked back at me with your big yellow eyes, I knew you were understanding me.

Even if you couldn't understand exactly my words, you were feeling the energy I was trying to convey to you when I told you that our love and connection is so strong that it overlaps the meaningless barriers of life. When I promised you our love is so strong and unique that it will make us meet again. Souls that connect this much, find their way to each other, one way or another. We are bound to meet again, in this life or the next.

And if you can see my pain rn, I hope it serves as evidence of how much I loved you, of how much you've meant to me, of how thankful I am that you chose me as your human. No other animal has ever done that to me before. Between a house with five people, with no evident reason, you chose me. It's been always hard for me to see myself as worthy of good things, but I keep thinking that if you loved me, if you saw little details in me that gave you comfort, maybe I'm not that bad.

So I'm gonna keep going and every time that life feels hard and hopeless, I'll think of you and keep going for you. Because if you trusted me, maybe I should trust myself too. Because I know that's what you've wanted.

In regards to tumblr, I need time. I will get better, I will address things and will accept this lost as I slowly get used to a life without her. But I need some days.

And to be honest, if I'm taking something from this time I've spent away, is that I haven't been dealing with tumblr and content creating in the best way lately. I've been neglecting my own feelings and mental health and attributing my worth to what I share or how much time I spend here. And this isn't healthy.

There are so many things out there we end up missing if we're too stuck in this mindset. A whole world around us that we go blind to. I will be back soon. But I need a few days. I hope you'll all understand ♡

Meanwhile, stay with these silly pictures of her. I couldn't go anywhere without her following me around and I couldn't take a mirror selfie or in fact any picture at all without her showing up in the bg, so there's plenty!

Rest in peace, my love. I will forever love you. Thank you for loving me when I thought no one else could ♡

[joelletwo]

apropos of aaaabsolutely nothing happy EST wound fucking wednesday. this post is just for that one reader

[ID: rendered robots franchise fanart of oppie and megs (the recent cartoon for kids iteration of them) stradding each other mid-wrestle. they both show wear and tear. megs, scowling, is punching op's grille-abdomen, warping the metal, other hand gripping his shoulder to pull him down into the hit and falling backwards a bit with the momentum himself. oppie, frowning deepy or grimacing, has one hand gripping megs' thigh and the other on one of his shoulder spikes to keep him from being able to maneuver or escape. he reels back with the punch but still rests stably on splayed-out knees, one slid under megs, adding to megs' unbalance and making him kick out his own leg that oppie straddles.]

pre-canon war stuffs........................ that can at least exist in my mind palace of Not Really Knowing Jack Shit

ONE good turn deserves another i would say...... meaning a big trip thru the lb tab collecting a folder of relevant unconscionable violence vibes i didnt even get to use all of*/push as far as i could have. and then a lot of time doing chain-licking meditations on big blocky 3d shapes. and then a lot of time wrestling with that one csp 3d model pose set. WELL. when i saw what u were sketching the other day i lost my fucking mind trying not to say anything kjsdfg so hopefully good sign this will be received well o7 <22

*my dreams of putting tfs in clothes was not an appropriate venture for first times drawing tfs. YET

+ just the lines bc good lord i drew so many details on Those Things. looking at other ppls art styles. i didnt even have to do that i dont even need to feel bad abt the bits that broke my spacial understanding no one is doing 1:1 replicas. but it was kind of nicely meditative to whittle away at actually i enjoyed it

[ID: same pic, colors and shading removed to show oppies lineart was a bright blue and megs' a bright orange]

things i gained a heightened appreciation for in this venture: the way that megs' pelvis design elements look like he has a jacket tied around his waist. CUTE. his BIIIIIG fucking boots i didnt get to show off. his faaaaaaaace chiseling. oppies 1:1 accuracy little windshield wipers. difference in frame between them (most of the robots seem to have narrow waists but i like that i can accurately draw megs still a little Built there. fun!) the joiiiiinnnnntt articulation logic on these guys is so neat kudos to. franchise full of robot designers that are extra incentivized to make them at least somewhat real-world workable.

+ honorable mention: THEYRE SO WIIIIIIIIIIIIIDE. taking up the entire 4:3 frame space in episodes. throwing out half the oversketch notes i took of the csp models bc they simply did not matter and would not be visible underneath both of these guys blocking each other kjghsdf

anyways. to say. HAPPY TO BLOG AT THE SAME TIME AS YOUUUUUUUUUU and heres to another year of getting to know the most delightful wonderful realm of things and ways to get weird with things thru it vicariously and firsthand. dearly beloved blogging bestie who i hope has a nice day ^_^!!!!

[pierogish]

your art is so wonderful! its so expressive and colorful and joyful and never overworked. your compositions also really blow my mind! if youve ever recorded any timelapses or if you ever would like to elaborate on your process ever, i would love to see it + would pay money to. have a good day!

Hi! I apologize that it took me so long to get to this ask! Thank you so much for this incredible and kind compliment!! :') <3 I enjoy having fun with compositions and everything else and I'm glad you like what comes out of it!

Thank you for being interested in process! I haven't been answering for so long because I couldn't come up with a good answer... I have never recorded any timelapses and don't intend to in the nearest future. Also every time the process looks differently, haha..

But I compiled potentially interesting pictures (for free) - under cut :)

one fun thing I do quite often is that I begin something on paper and then complete digitally. Doodling in textbooks and sketchbooks was the beginning of many stuff

This Seri process is one of my favorites, he was born from leftover green food coloring that I splashed and smeared over pages. Then I begin my favorite game of searching for shapes and letting them "grow" naturally from what there is.. if that makes sense.

From those little monsters that were born during classes then appeared compositions, because having some starting point is helpful to me, even if it gets completely lost eventually.

I don't have a scan and use the imperfection of phone pics for my advantage, sometimes it creates additional texture or interesting colors after little bit of editing.

This one took longer than most of other works. (dont go after me for unrealistic architecture)

I was struggling to come up with compostition for the cathedral so again beginning with a doodle of a random arch helped. and in the end there's an infinite "yeah now it's finally done" *spends a couple of hours more*. on screenshot these are all versions I thought would be final and I sent them to look at on my phone and immediately went to fix something else :P

Beginning from a detail isn't a classic way to build a composition, and usually it's reasonable to start from defining big shapes, and that's what I do often. There are just different approaches of creating compostitions that I like using. Starting from a piece and shaping the rest from there helps me find something I maybe wouldn't have thought of doing otherwise. But it's very important to always hold a big picture in mind of course! After looking at a piece of doodle for a while, I have an approximate picture in mind of how I want to use it.

With digital doodles I usually do lineart immediately without sketching it first, then I can edit or erase it or blend with colors. Have fun and be yourself is the only rule

thank you again <3 I hope it was helpful!

[detectivehole]

hey man the anti-AI stuff you reblog is rly. Reactionary idk how else to put it. It’s a mixed bag. AI has been used in art for a LONG time, it’s not as new as ppl think it is. It’s used a lot in animation especially. Obviously there is a difference between AI as a tool and AI as a replacement for artists/writers, but nearly every single instance of them attempting this has been catastrophically bad. (Doesnt stop the dumbass studios like Disney and Pixar to keep trying it tho, bc they value short term profit over any actual value) For AI being used in a professional setting, it’s imperative the distinction be made between tool or replacement. Machines, despite how efficient they have become, are managed by humans. Letting them run without a person actually operating it that knows what they’re trying to do is always a bad idea.

However, using AI generated pics for like. Personal use? Let’s say you aren’t a good artist, or as many have pointed out, can’t be an artist due to disability (none of that inspiration porn abt painting w your mouth some ppl can’t do that either.) and you’d like a picture of your Tabletop game character or OC or something, and you do not have the money to spare for a commission from the artist you like. Doesn’t mean you can’t pay for one later on, as a human will take the finer details you want and bring them to life, but if you’re looking for like. A placeholder? And you aren’t planning on selling it or some shit, then ppl shouldnt get on your case. Except every anti-AI bro now hears “AI” and flies into a frothing rage, saying it’s “never ok”. Nobody should care of somebody made a meme using AI or tried to make something just for themselves or friends. It becomes an issue when it’s being marketed as a “replacement” for artists.

Tldr: AI is a useful tool, the tech bros that got a hold of ot do not represent the entire scope of it. If it is used as a tool or personal use, it’s not an issue. It only becomes one when it is used as an explicit replacement for writers/artists.

i agree with the first paragraph, though im a little insulted you'd assume my knowledge and opinions on AI image generation were so shallow and uninformed as to have to explain it to me- but you lost me after that

first off, i wanna make it clear that basically no one thinks you're some sort of amoral monster for having used or even enjoyed what AI image generation and art can give you. most people genuinely don't understand the intricacies of its ethics and effects, and while ignorance like that is annoying, it's something most people who do get it understand and forgive with a sorta... exasperation. most of the time. now, maybe you're not coming from a place of good faith, i can't say, but i choose to think you are

i don't have the chops, time, or particular desire to explain what exactly is wrong with AI art generation (there's a lot in way too many directions), so i'll just give you a link to get you started (it's not a long read, just some basic critiques to jump from) and some admittedly harsh sounding (but well meant) advice that pertains to your particular use of AI:

you dont always get what you want. you're not entitled, for any reason, to the fruits of stolen (and popular AI datasets have been proven to unequivocally be stolen) artistic labor, especially if that theft is impacting the livelihoods of independent artists. (and don't give me "what about other generic media piracy" because that's its own can of worms and you know it. i won't hear it). it's not the end of the world that you have, but it's just not ethical to generate that art knowing it's based off stolen work- if it was all consensually given data it'd be different- and sometimes behaving ethically means you dont get what you want. tough shit. plenty of people can't or won't draw for all sorts of reasons, and none of those reasons suddenly make it ok for them to take other people's art

to be clear, if all the datasets used to train AI were ethically sourced- bought, donated, or taken from free use material- this wouldn't be an issue. i mean there would still totally be issues with casual generative AI, but this particular issue would be moot. the issue with AI art isn't the AI, it's what the AI's being fed. every time you engage with it gets smarter, and better, and more efficient at chewing up its stolen foods and spitting out a knockoff. the issue is what it's being fed and you are putting tokens in the little treat machine at its petting zoo enclosure

you want a placeholder? you got picrew. doll dress up games. hell, pester your friends for doodles. save up. or even just learn to handle not getting it at all- just pick something else

[mossmurdock]

lets talk about richie and his outfits!

all throughout season one he can be seen completely decked out in the beef merch almost always. my fav example being the pic above! not only is he wearing the tshirt but he's sporting a jacket as well, and i think it's plain that this ties in both with his grief and with the way he's holding on so desperately to his identification with the restaurant. it's clear that the other cooks/employees of the beef were close to michael and cared about the restaurant, but i feel like richie's displacement in life and the restaurant's fate/meaning becoming so blurred is clearer in him more than anyone else.

it looks like he's constantly proving something by wearing so many things related to the beef. he's constantly having to remind himself that he has a place where he belongs still—that he has purpose here!! which is such a thing in the second season and i'll get to that soon.

but, for now, i want to also mention how this 'drab' and 'lazy' way of dressing is a representation of his self confidence as well. it isn't necessarily ill fitting, but his track pants and sneakers often tend to stand out when he's set in the crowd of the other relevant characters. take neil for example, his outfits aren't the 'cleanest' or even super well put together/formal but its obvious what his job is. richie, on the other hand, does not have that! throughout the first season we look at a man in his forties who is not only implied to not know his purpose mentally but also physically!

now moving on to season 2!

so the first episode begins and i think lots of us asked ourselves the same question: has richie developed at all? and for a second it really looks like he hasn't. the first thing i notice is his shirt, he's wearing another the beef brand tshirt, except what's even more notable about this specific one is that 'the beef' isn't even spelled correctly.

this detail and his conversation with carmy is so!!! richie so desperately wants purpose, and where else is he going to look for it but his safe space? he's trying to imprve himself but isn't sure where to look.

and then we witness him constantly trying to fit himself in places he just doesn't belong. he's becoming a hinderance, he's in the way, he's trying so hard to help, and he feels that he's going to be left behind. but there's gotta be purpose for him somewhere! there just has to! AND THERE IS!!!! lets get to the last episode of season 2!

"I wear suits now."

this line permanently altered my brain. like i want to scrunch him up into a ball and throw him against a wall and watch him bounce back. he's so much more confident in where he's meant to be and what he's supposed to be doing. and then his apology to natalie!! he's found his purpose finally and is aware enough of his past behaviour to be remorseful about it. and it's also just such a show of how he's always had a place there but just needed to learn how to fit in it, sort of like a mold!

like he didn't need to completely rebrand himself or anything, ie: "i'm good with people...just never really have the chance to be" (paraphrasing here but ya know). he's always had this in him, there was just some maturity and healing missing.

anyway before this gets too long, richie fits in these new suits so well and it points to so many of his developments. he's found his purpose and is confident in it, HE WEARS SUITS NOW. he knows what he is so he's sure of how to dress himself too. it's a little less juvenile, a little less unsure, and a little less lost.

[silverspleen]

Good ol' dumb D&D DAO doodles pt 2

THE SAD PIC. I think I mentioned it on here, maybe not in detail, but Artoria (PC) died again and this time we did not have a scroll mcguffin to bring her back. Her player had been interested in possibly killing her off, but instead of dying during a boss fight or something she just got abruptly nuked by a powerful NPC who was annoyed we kept trying to semi-trick him into a conversation with someone he hated (werewolf things). Bhalkam just got on his last nerve and he meteor showered us to make a point and UH. ARTORIA. DID NOT HAVE A GREAT HEALTH POOL AT THE TIME!

She was burnt to a literal crisp and we lost all of her gear and Sethlos wrapped her in vines and is burning a spell every week to keep her preserved enough that he can revive her (Gentle Repose). He's dealing with it very well. All things considered. He is absolutely not drugging himself with potions to manage his mood. Nope!

afaik Bhalkan still feels bad about it, Varand werewolfed out because of the damage so it's a little fuzzy for him tbh

Finn is said players new character! Made entirely so he can sass the party (Artoria was more of a serious character) because he's a human mage and the rest of the party is very conspicuously non-human (and because he's best friends with Sethlos' player and he wanted a funnier character, Sethlos' player was a theater kid and MAN he can roleplay like a beast. both of them are very witty guys). Varand hates this. Varand didn't hate him when they first met but Finn made some little jokes that went over very, very badly and Varand did not take it well. Then Finn cast fireball in an enclosed space (the Mage's Tower) and now Varand REALLY doesn't like him.

I absolutely can't wait to have them interact in non-crisis situations. We hiatused the game halfway up the Mage's Tower so they've spent a cumulative like... Half day or so together (this is Finn's like, trial to see if he can join our party or not) and all of it was crisis stuff. If they have to travel on the road together Varand is going to become homicidal he cannot be in close proximity to a sassy human on his day to day.

And me thinking about how Varand probably looks like absolute ass after any dungeon. We're doing like, a semi-grimdark thing where we often can't completely heal after every battle since we're constantly tight on supplies and I abruptly realized that Varand probably looks like he's been through it every time. He's constantly getting hit with arrows or having guys explode on him and is a melee guy so he actively tried to be as close to the enemy as physically possible so he probably always has some form of healing injury on him at all times.

Like.... It's the best fed he's EVER been in his whole life he is getting so many nutrients and is so strong he just also looks like he barely won whatever fight he was in.

[fourseasonsfigs]

Little Farmer Jun

If I went back in time and told myself 5 years ago that one day I'd be writing a blog post about a collectible figure (that not only did I own but had in fact avidly collected) of a mainland Chinese actor dressed as a high-fashion sexy exterminator in a enormous fluffy yellow hat, I would have been very concerned. I would have 1) thought future Lelanthe had lost her ever-loving mind, 2) wondered how exactly was it that someone who had lost every single marble could even have dreamed up a chain of events leading up to that particular scenario?

Truth is stranger than fiction, my figthusiast friends.

The inspiration for this fig, and many others, all of which you will be seeing in the future, is Gong Jun's frankly rather incredible November 2022 Cosmopolitan Magazine photo shoot:

Yes, I own this mag, and I regret nothing. NOTHING, I SAY!

In order to fully appreciate this mag, I think you need a behind-the-scenes video. Here you go, my friends who have gone down this very unique life path with me...

The inspiration for this particular fig is of course this:

What in the name of all that is holy was someone thinking when they put this outfit together, I just don't know. This mag shoot was the one that that got me to the point that I don't even question this stuff anymore. I mean, look at him. The outfit is ridiculous but his face is stunning as always, his legs look a million miles long, his arms look strong, and his shoulders are broad enough to carry this look off.

The fig maker called this fig a farmer, but let's be real - it's an exterminator. Yes, I suppose farmers can have spray packs too, for exterminating pests! May I just say that I get my house sprayed on the regular for pest control, and never ONCE has any exterminator looked even vaguely like this. Disappointing. Tragic, really.

Here he arrived on my doorstep, swaddled up protectively in his polystyrene case, with his little spray wand accompanying him.

My heart does sink a little bit each time I see an accessory with a fig. The question of will-it-won't-it fit is always a pertinent one when you're as clumsy as I am. You can see his little curled right hand there that is meant to hold the handle like in the picture.

Luckily, the handle fit well into his hand - I kind of had to push it a bit harder than I'd like to get it to stay, but once it was there it was (relatively) secure.

This little man wasn't standing on his own for anything. You'll see why a little more clearly as we rotate around the figure, but basically he's unbalanced because of all his equipment on his back, along with this gigantic hat.

Speaking of the hat, it's pretty amazing. Not only do we have this great knit texture on the hat itself, we have flocking on the ear muffs! Amazing.

All my figs get a soapy water bath to clean them when they arrive (I've seen some factory production pictures!). Unfortunately, I was going on autopilot with this last shipment of figs, and I accidentally dunked this little guy in the soapy bath. I immediately yelped and grabbed him right back out. I hated to soak him even more by rinsing him off, but at that point there was nothing to be done, other than cursing my own name. I was worried I had damaged the flocking, but he seems to have dried up just fine!

No harm done. There's a few different figs with flocking in production right now, so just as well I learned from this one!

There is a TON of detail on this fig. Kind of amazing looking at it - there is a lot going on. Credit to Junjun again that he was wearing this outfit in the pics vs. it wearing him. The factory work is remarkably clean too, nice and sharp paint lines.

You can see there that he is holding the little spray handle just fine. I was not a fan of this outfit in the magazine, but I kind of love this fig.

He's so cute. When visitors come over and look at my fig displays, I can promise you this is one they will definitely ask about!

So fancy, Junjun, with your Tiffany jewelry!

This is a good shot of his hand holding the sprayer. Actually a great shot of both of his hands.

It's really interesting to me that there's a little hole here in his spray backpack. I wonder if there was originally plans to put the spray tube in? There's the full tubing in the magazine pic, and you can see it in the video, so I wonder.

Look at all that detail in the knit hat. Incredible!

Unfortunately, this entire series came without box art or box cards, so that's it for pics. There's more in this series coming, so stick around if you'd like to see more!

Material: Resin and some kind of flocking, Calico Critters-style

Fig Count: 418

Scene Count: 29

Rating: No bugs here, Ma'am

[link back to Master Fig Index for more posts]

[magentagalaxies]

so basically a few weeks ago paul bellini sent me two signed mouth congress vinyls as a late birthday present slash gift for running the mouth congress social media and i thought i'd post a vinyl tour bc there's so many cool details here! this is gonna be a long post bc the lyric booklet that came with waiting for henry is pretty much a full zine and i really love all the effort they put into it

contents:

waiting for henry double LP (signed by scott and paul!)

ahhhh the pollution 7" (signed by scott and paul!)

Mouth Congress button (did not know this was a thing so it was just a fun little bonus gift he threw in)

first, close up photo of the sticker on the waiting for henry cover:

next pictures of each of the vinyls:

the lighting was a bit off in these pictures but the vinyls are so beautiful it's unreal. ahhhh the pollution is a translucent bright orange, the first half of waiting for henry is beige, and the second half is this beautiful bright blue that looks like blue rasperry candy. i'm always a sucker for colorful vinyls (i just picked up a copy of "take the sadness out of saturday night" by bleachers on a seaglass vinyl the other day) and i wasn't sure if they had any left so the fact that both releases are on such beautiful vinyl is amazing

next we have the zine!! here's the cover:

the first few pages are a short summary of the mouth congress story as told by paul himself, along with a few pictures of the band members from their college days:

after that we have a fictitious profile of the band written by aviva avoovoo (a freelance writer character created by paul bellini) where she visits the mouth congress chalet and discovers the "dark secrets" that lie within. it's so funny and surreal but i didn't want to post every page of it so instead i'll focus on this old vaguely-cursed pic of paul that accompanied the writing:

once we're done with the fictional side of things there's a two-page spread of cassettes mouth congress put together in the 80s/90s that they released in an attempt to promote the band. each cassette description has a list of featured songs, some of which were later put on "ahhhh the pollution" or "waiting for henry" and some of which i'd never heard about previously and am very intrigued by. i took close-up pics of these two specifically since they're the ones i most want to look into from that page

specifically i really wanna learn more about madam alphonsa. who is she. she's mentioned in "me on my off hours" and makes an appearance on "madamifesto" and "let's hear it for show business." they mentioned in the mouth congress documentary that kevin used to play madam alphonsa's husband. several characters scott played in mouth congress were later done on kids in the hall but madam alphonsa is my new lost media obsession.

after that we have a solid six pages of scott and paul interviewing each other. again it's very long so i'm not posting everything but it was a very good interview which makes me love the band even more and it also had this picture with it:

more old pictures (look how young scott and paul look in the bottom right one i'm losing my mind):

centerfold:

then we have at least 10 pages of lyrics for every song on waiting for henry as well as short blurbs about the story behind each song which was really cool and might be its own post someday, but last but not least i wanted to leave you with my favorite part of the mouth congress zine: the word search

legit took this pic just so i could highlight the words digitally and not draw on the actual zine but oh my god i had so much fun doing this. unironically i think every vinyl should come with a thematically linked word search. it really just goes to show how much joy and effort scott and paul put into everything mouth congress does and i'm so honored i get to be part of their story at the level where i can get something like this autographed and sent to me for free (and also might get free admission to an upcoming mouth congress show if i help them set up beforehand and film the show?? like paul you do realize i would pay VIP prices for this but thank you for doing it for free?? also thank you for asking how my own musical went and genuinely caring about the answer???)

anyway this got a little rambly towards the end but my point is. queercore punk is truly the genre of all time and mouth congress is so fucking great nobody is going it like them

[metoidionasty]

Hey buddy. You look the same in both pics, BUT you shouldn't want to look different anyway. It's a good thing you weren't altered too severely, honestly. I'm sorry the pharmaceutical/biomedical industry was able to penetrate your psyche so deeply that you started to believe you needed to change yourself. It really is a tragedy that you couldn't see the perfection in yourself that was there all along (regardless of gender). Blinded and brainwashed, and then physically altered by a system that wants you dead... I'm truly sorry this happened to you and so many others.

Hi so I wasn’t going to answer this. I get asks like this on anon a lot and it’s best to just delete and ignore. But since this is my one year on t I’m going make an acception this once and talk about my transness

First thing I will address is that, yes! My face has not changed much yet. One year on hrt isn’t much time for any real big faces changes. But in terms of other parts of my body I have had major changes, lots of body hair, 2.5 inches of bottom growth, loss of breast tissue, and lots of emotional changes as well.

Next thing I’ll get into is my personal story. Not to be the stereotypical ‘I always knew’. But I did always feel an out of place feeling I struggle to explain to others. This will be an extreme over simplification of my story but here we go. This feeling was always placated by expressing myself as male. When I was in grade school I’d wear boys underwear and clothes only, and would often stuff the crotch with my socks. Entering middle school I’d have days where I would duct tape my chest, go to school and tell everyone ‘I’m a boy today.’ And this was all before I knew what being trans was.

When I was around 13/14 I started to learn about being trans and spent a little time toying with possible ways to explain how I felt. Until I came to realize I was trans. I came out to everyone, switched schools so no one would know my birth name, and just completely socially transitioned. Unfortunately when I was 16/17 I went through very bad trauma and mental health issues, so due to many reasons I don’t feel comfortable getting into I decided to detransition. It was a totally humiliating process and sent me into the deepest depression of my life.

I spent the next 3.5 years trying to make up for lost time learning how adult women should act. I over compensated and over feminized and made myself miserable constantly. I was in the hospital for suicide attempts 2-4 times a year. It was such a deep dark time for me. As time passed and I allowed myself to start getting better and process everything, I realized I am still trans and always was. I ended my relationship I had been in for 2.5 years and moved across the country so I could start my hormones and be the person in my soul I always saw myself as.

And now in this last year I have BLOSSOMED!!! I have found my love for life, God, and myself again. I love my body more than I ever have, every time I see a new change closer to my goal it’s like a total head high. It’s like in finally allowing myself to do this and be myself, I’ve been totally set free.

I know this is super long winded and rambly. I just never plan on explaining any of this in detail on here again so I’m getting it all down. But basically, I’ve known I’ve been trans for almost 10 years, I’ve been to gender specific therapy on top dbt, cbt, and trauma processing. This wasn’t some crazy rush choice I made cos of a discord convo, this was me finally getting to do what everyone tried to stop me from my whole life. There’s no secret pharmaceutical man pushing hormones on me, I was self medicating my t for my first 5 months. There’s no groomer lurking behind me, I’m a grown man who can make his own choices.

[manikas-whims]

If Vin and Mary were to visit a carnival fair, as a romantic or platonic date, how would it go? What would they do? How much until one or both of them are kicked out?

Lolol dear anon, they are chaotic af but I don't think they'll be kicked out. They aren't the type to get in trouble (and Mary makes sure to keep somewhat of a leash on Vin 😆). So lets see..

Vin Jin & Mary Kim Carnival Headcanons

(can be read both as platonic & romantic)

Its definitely Vin's idea to go to the carnival. Like he canonically asks her to hang out at the cafeteria or go to the arcade. So they agree to go.

If the place is too crowded, they stick really close and steal glances to make sure the other is close to them. That they don't get lost.

A lot of goofy pics are taken at the photo booth.

They're definitely the ones spinning wildly on the teacup ride 😂

On the bumper cars, Mary just wants to chill but Vin says his bumper car can crash hers more than 5 times.

At first she's cringing at his childish behavior but gets too competitive when Vin's car actually hits hers 😆

It becomes a competition from that point on and they try many games.

They take turns on the High Striker game. Striking the hammer alternately and trying to one up the other, until eventually they're asked to leave.

They're both horrible at shooting games. After wasting 10 bullets each and yelling at a bunch of kids for making fun of them, they leave 😭

Mary isn't very fond of haunted houses but Vin loves them so he persuades her into going.

Inside Mary is just super jumpy at every little sound and turn. She's holding onto Vin's arm for dear life, occasionally hiding her face in his chest to avoid looking at something unsightly. He teases her about it and she smacks him (with shaky hands ofc 😆)

Meanwhile Vin is laughing at the cheap ghost costumes and the sound effects. He is the one who points out the unnecessary creepy details, like the blood pooling in a corner and shit like that. Nevertheless, he also makes sure Mary isn't too scared.

Its the opposite on the rides. Vin hates them but Mary practically drags him on each of her favorite ones.

On the Roller Coaster, even with the safety of bars and straps around them, Vin grabs her hand. He tells her not to grin mockingly at him as he's just making sure she isn't scared. She rolls her eyes and lets him have it 😆

While on the Pirate ship (or what ever you call that big swinging boat ride), they're both screaming their lungs out.

After the rides, they rest for a while and just enjoy the street performers, even taking pics with those carnival mascots.

At the food stalls, they try a variety of snacks.

Mary loves sweet stuff but Vin doesn't. So she buys a cotton candy and jokingly sticks some of it at the corner of his mouth to annoy him. He chides her for it but eats the chunk in the end 😭

They buy some silly souvenirs like masks, those funky glasses that are extra large in size, etc.

Lastly, they go to the Ferris Wheel and take a lot of selfies from the top, with the view of the entire carnival in their background.

Later on their way back, they both fall asleep in the bus, shoulder to shoulder, heads resting against each other.

Hope you like these anon ♥

[munku-collar]

can we see a picture timeline of your deme makeup evolution? only if ur comfortable showing off the old stuff lol, i know i get embarrassed doing that <3

Alrighty this one's kind of a weird ride lol.

So my original intention was to do a brand new demeter design for my cosplay, but I very quickly found out I was too stupid to make my own wig, so I decided to kind of combine mostly 98, and a tiny bit of vienna and asia tour for my complete costume aesthetic. I mention this because one of my first makeup looks is VERY different from where I'm at right now.

So the very first time I tried makeup at all I didn't have facepaint, I just used actual makeup I had in the house lol and as you can imagine it's REALLY BAD (I've also lost weight since then so hello chubby cheeks) but I still look back fondly on this pic because I took the leap and tried something at all. It was very exciting. Jan 2021.

From there I bought facepaint, and for my very first time putting facepaint on I just improvised a design which I guess is kind of early US tour inspired? I still like this design but I don't think it would go well with my current wig, and it's about the look as a whole for me, so I never went back to this design. Naturally terrible application because I'd never used facepaint before haha. This is about a week after the first one.

I really like this one too, but once again I wasn't quite happy with it. My facepaint skills improved really fast as you can see. It's really about confidence. I've gone back and forth borrowing elements from this one repeatedly. Still using the black nose literally only because I was too cheap to buy another color lol. Didn't have a wig yet either so thus far I didn't spend a lot of time working around my face like on my cheeks and whatnot. Feb 2021

I got my wig so I shifted gears and tried to emulate the 98 makeup more but the crisp lines in that look are intimidating(they had a professional makeup artist after all) and so I left a lot of details out, but it was nice to see makeup combined with a wig finally. May 2021.

On Halloween I added the rest of the 98 makeup details(but kept the bigger brows) and I wasn't happy with the fake eye crease shape in the end, and so much black and white close together on my lower eyelids was really difficult to keep crisp especially in warmer weather, because I have so many eye folds. Like my eyes just make the white paint straight up disappear lmfao. Overall I started getting more comfortable doing facepaint though. I went pretty bold with the cheek lines and whatnot that day. Also tried fake lashes. Oct 2021.

From here I decided to tailor it more towards my features without sacrificing too much of the 98 vibe. My makeup application got a lot cleaner and I adapted the fake eye crease to fit my eye shape and simplified the lower eye territory to make up for my eyes constantly swallowing paint. It still takes LAYERS of white paint to get it to stick, but it's much more doable. I felt like the big brows were a little aggressive, and I was more focused on 98 like I said, so I went with the daintier brows this time. Overall there's nothing wrong with this look, but the second time I applied it (the time I went to the show) I just wasn't feeling it as much. I think it ended up being a tiny bit too simple. Jan 2022.

So that brings us to where we're at right now. Same eye shape as above, but bringing back more black eyeshadow, elongating the inner eye corners, and extending the wings to meet the brows. Also brought back the stronger eyebrows. Also brought the cheek markings in way further/made them a bit more blockier to add to the contrast. It's a bit more dramatic/feels a little less juvenile but still has the same overall vibe as the previous one. I think I'm happy with it. May 2022. :)

I do have some plans to do kind of random design applications when I get bored. Like I plan on doing a more heavily goth inspired look one day but I keep putting it off because I'm lazy lol. But yeah for my "official" look this is where I'm at right now.

Also I just noticed I kept flip flopping the direction of the whiskers on the muzzle hahaha interesting.

Also this is basically every single time I've put cat makeup on except like two or three other times times. So that's like, what, around 10 times in total? So clearly I got comfy using face paint very quick. Still takes me about an hour and 10 mins every single time though lol. I don't think I'll ever whittle the time down simply because I have to sit literally INCHES away from the mirror to see what I'm doing because my eyesight is so bad. But that's ok.

Also I’m really glad I started painting more around my face/forehead to really integrate the wig. It makes such a difference.

Anyway yeah lol hope this inspires some people to try out cat makeup I guess haha

[itcamefromthetoybox]

The Mightiest Avenger

“Thor: Love And Thunder” is on its way, and my excitement only grows by the moment! So, with that in mind, we’re carrying on the trend of reviewing “Thor” toys for a little while longer! This week, we’re looking at a “Titan Hero” toy, a line I’ve been meaning to touch on for a while but am only just getting to because I am easily distracted, much like many species of rodent. And that is why this week, we’re looking at “Titan Hero Mighty Thor!”

Stock photo taken from marvel.hasbro.com because I forgot to take a pic

So what exactly are Titan Heroes, anyways? Titan Heroes have actually been around for a while, and are beloved by kids. They’re 12-inch figures with simplified articulation, maybe a few accessories, and a focus on just being kid-friendly action figures. Most of them have ball-jointed heads and a a decent amount of articulation in the shoulders and thighs, with rotating wrists. At first, though, most didn’t even have that. The shoulders and thighs could only move up and down, so they could sit, do some sort of goose-step (not a good look for anyone) or stand. They usually go for about $10, with some larger ones going for a bit more, and ones that come with electronic accessories going for even more, which is to be expected. Kids love them because they’re big and meant to be played with vigorously, and parents love them because they’re inexpensive and don’t have a ton of parts that can get lost.

We already went over who The Mighty Thor is last review, and I haven’t learned more since then, so just know that she’s Jane Foster, she’s called Thor, and she’s Mighty.

“So begins the kicking of thine hindquarters.“

This figure looks great. She’s very detailed, with a lot of armor sculpting, which comes out looking very nice. Her skirt armor was made as part of her legs, so it doesn’t impede movement, which is a frequent problem with skirt pieces. The trade off is that there’s no way to pose her without a noticeable gap between the tops of her legs and her body, so it looks like there’s a rectangular slot in the back of Thor’s skirt. Jane’s helmet is also a separate piece from her head, though it is not removable. This comes out also looking very nice and makes it feel like you should be able to remove the helmet. It’s a really nice touch on an excellent toy. Unlike her basic figure, which we talked about last time, this Mighty Thor lacks a cape, which works for the better since there’s nothing impeding arm movement, and with a figure like this, you want arm movement. Also, the budget that would have been used for the cape could then be used for detailing. Jane’s hammer is visibly cracked all over from when it broke in “Thor: Ragnarok,” and the cracks are actually sculpted in. Cheaper toys would have just painted the cracks on there, so seeing them actually molded in is very nice. And finally, Thor’s got muscles, but not unrealistically, which really delights me to see. All around, she looks really great.

Her articulation isn’t the best in the world. You can move her shoulders and thighs all over the place, which is great, and her head is on a ball joint, like most Titan figures, but this is where we run into an issue. Jane’s hair, which does look good, impedes the motion of her head. She can’t really look in too many directions without it getting in the way. Also, Jane’s wrists don’t have articulation, unlike most Titan Hero toys, so that’s a bummer.

A girl’s best friend is the magic hammer she uses to kick all kinds of ass.

It is very much worth noting that her hammer is loose in her hand and can come out easily, especially since the hands and arms are a softer plastic than the body. This is both good and bad. It’s good because throwing the hammer is a classic Thor move. It’s what every Thor is known for. It’s bad because if you’re not careful, and this is true for any toy who uses softer plastics for the hands (which is most toys), the hands can become a bit warped, making it even harder to hold the hammer. So just be careful.

“You've been... Thunderstruck!”

I would definitely recommend Titan Hero Mighty Thor, especially for kids. She’s a big, simple toy meant to be played with and enjoyed, and is definitely not a collector’s piece. Kids generally love the Titan Hero line, and Mighty Thor will be no exception. She’s available at mass retail for about $10, and is absolutely worth a grab. Next week, we’ll be looking at the last part of our “Love And Thunder” reviews (for now), so get hyped! This is JL, signing off and wishing you Happy Toy Hunting!

[tiny-tigers]

✨ Ahh bless you! You must feel so restless when your mind is ready to get doing stuff but your body still needs to heal properly! *sending love* Also not ridiculous at all - caffeine is crazy addictive so two weeks is pretty impressive tbh! (cravings should start getting easier soon) And I've found that small changes at a time have helped me! no thinking about the end goal too much but rather enjoying the process of improving slowly? 🙈💖

Umm without giving too many personal details - crazy work busy but in a good way, home improvements underway (tiring) & maid of honour duties in full swing (all happy things obv but stressful in their own way) *I told you I'm a perfectionist right* 😭😆🙈😅🩷

[None of what I'm about to say is meant to cause any offence btw - you just made me genuinely wonder how I get over crushes semi-quickly and this is what I've realised]: I think it may be a self esteem issue tbh - cos no matter what kind of crushes I've had, I've never (and will never) put someone's wellbeing above my own? It's like that old plane metaphor of "you've got to put your own oxygen mask on first before you can help anyone else" so I honestly think the second you start putting YOU first, your feelings toward Jacky will inevitably change a bit? Because it's difficult to prioritise someone else when your thoughts are so focused on you and your own self improvements! 🥰💪🏻It may not be what you want/need right this very second but I do actually think it will happen for you one day! 💖 Your life is yours, not his 🩷

Forgot to reply to your 'no bday posts' yesterday - they for sure will be posting that shit on closed stories *tehe I'm not crying you are* 😆🤣🤣

Ooooh tigers messed up with players during covid howww?! 😬👀🫨

(also I need to know what dirt Anthony Watson has on giraffe because their relationship is jokesss) 😆😅

Cute pic 🥰

P.S really hope I haven't offended with anything I've said? 🙏🏻🩷

Yeah I feel a bit stuck and so my mind is a roundabound, so many improvements to make oulala ... good lord. Nurses said they worked well because scarS will be little.

Ooooh Nice !! Congrats on those it looks thrilling but also tedious.

No it doesn't sound patronizing don't worry, I mean my peeps told me "if it is the time for you to finally realize you need to stop doing it that it is now " because I wanted to go while I couldn't even walk properly. I STILL feel like I could have done it with loads of difficulties and would have been super sad at things going wrong along the way because I would have done a lot of efforts just to go.... I did lost some money in the process but was able to reschedule my hotels so at least there is that. I still need to write about what happened because even if I am okay now it still is an open wound as well. I still feel like the icon of that blog little smol bean kind of depressed. I want to rebirth almost and take all lightly and get back to back to my old self even perhaps retake my old username and give it all. It is gonna be difficult because I have based my identity on living with intensity and all is deep and final. When I want it to be in motion and to be light. I have looooooads of problems to fix starting with recognition. Validation by others. Idk where to start to be honnest but I do want the change. I cannot live that way anymore it hurts too much.

I feel super annoyed to know what is wrong without being able to fix it by myself only.

You are super right and it is not the first time you tell me that but if being self confident was easy to achieve I think the world would be indeed a better place.

I don't think they are that clever for closed stories I think you also see when it happens because it said this story isnt available. They have Whatsapp group and that awful bereal......... 🙄 that I never understood but sounds like a dream to have daily content. I dont even want to think about Snapchat.

They have been awful with wages management cutting money out of their players and big part in the decision of why Ellis left including his wife missing bristol.

I Guess it is better not to know some stuffs uh.... I hate To know it is gonna be sunday christmas party 😭😥😥😣 just to think about it 🤢

You did not, I am aware I may sound stupid crazy and obsessive sometimes.. I am not mental but I do know it seems insane to be that much intense. It is super difficult to quit on something / someone / a feeling that kept you alive for so long. I have seen that in him, my crutches like you said. Therefore when it happens to stick and you being so entitled with what make you feel real and good for even a moment...You are afraid that if you let go you will actually die. Better a little something even bad than nothing at all.

It is pretty egocentric as my intentions are not totally pure, if they were I would do anything for him to be happy including deleting my work if he was asking for it to be deleted or never to see him again if he wanted me to take distances but I am not sure I could do it totally. I do not know how to love properly, quietly. I am persuaded I am not a good person sometimes because good people know how not to be an embarassement for themselves and how to love correctly, polietly. I am a bit broken isnt? Am I crazy to you ? Or just lost ?