#just suddenly thought about how terribly it treated its girls in particular

[toraawa]

It's funny how so often the biggest fans of media also have the most grievances and straight-up disdain for large portions of canon, just because they love the worldbuilding and characters so much that they can pick up on where the creators don't share that same amount of care.

Arc-V is like that. The fan experience is being like "Yeah, I love Arc-V!" followed by multiple asterisks detailing all our issues born out of that love lol. It's the kind of show where what it doesn't do makes you like it all the more, just because of the fuel it gives your imagination to expand on all the worldbuilding and characters that canon barely focuses on — or treats badly.

It really does have some great concepts. That's probably why it's so easy to make AUs and headcanons out of it (for me at least).

[theredsuzuran]

Douma x reader - Innocence

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Took me a long time to upload a new content am so sorry for the delay I was really busy with school assignments therefore I cannot manage the time to write. I apologize in advance for any grammatical errors on my behalf, I hope you enjoy.

Warning : Dark themes like gore, blood and violence, degradation and swearing, mature content.

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The moon shone brightly above the sky as it's light leak through the branches illuminating the famous building of the eternal paradise cult. A new set of followers rushed into the dwelling in hopes of fulfilling their selfish desires, diminishing their agonies and enriching their possessions. However a particular human with her tattered kimono seem not to be interested to convey anything although the people around her would die to witness even a glimpse of the charismatic leader as for now she was busy running along the wide long corridors

The sound of thumping footsteps echoed throughout the building as a herd of followers attempted on catching the miscreant who disrupted the peaceful atmosphere prevailing over the supreme cult. The already annoyed and frustrated people were all worked up to catch the energetic human who on the other hand have thoughts of escaping this place they called paradise. If only she was careful enough to notice her mother's strange behavior soon as they entered the place but how can you possibly blame an innocent little girl like her, or so she thought. Afraid she might lose sight of her treacherous mother who abandoned her just moments ago she desparety stumbled her way out although that didn't concerned her simple thinking process but that's exactly how complicated the situation was.

Turning one last time to look behind if those weird people were still following her or not when suddenly she bumped into a Tall muscular figure standing infront of her soft delicate frame she must have missed him approaching while focusing on looking behind. "Please just leave me alone!" The girl fumed coherently still overwhelmed by the amount of people rushing towards her like waves something that she was not accustomed with as for eighteen years she lived indoors interacting rarely with anyone and playing with dolls most of the time.

"Watch your tongue brat" one of the men standing beside the tall man spoke with disgust hinted in his voice. "Crouch down you insolent woman, where's your gratitude it's because of lord Douma's benevolence that you are still here or you'd be rotting in the street thanks to your mother", the people around her started whispering and murmuring behind her back but she was not bother since her senses were filled with newfound wrath how dare they insult your angel like mother? No longer able to contain your anger you shouted with tears "Then take me to my mother, I don't want to stay here alone".

"Your mother abandoned you here so shut up and deal with it, now move your way for master" the man grunted irritatedly motioning the other followers to grab her and take her away.

"No don't touch me" she wiggled under their grip rushing towards douma blocking him from entering the room by grabbing his arm tightly "I am not going anywhere until I know where my mother is" she cried loudly making the demon flinch with surprise, how pitiful the creature looked in his polychromatic eyes. He have seen many humans crying before him for obvious reasons which honestly have become his monotonous routine but somehow this girl acted quite weird being her age, interesting him enough to investigate. As he was about to speak the man beside him pushed the girl hashly making her lose her balance and fall on the wooden floor.

"How dare you touch master with your filthy hands bitch" he lift his hand to slap her tight in the face but someone grabbed his wrist just in time to save the girl from further humiliation.

"Silence" all the questioning glances, judging looks and whispering stopped at once as douma spoke nonchalantly making the latter shiver in regret.

"I am sorry douma sama" the man uttered in pure horror having no intentions to displease his beloved lord. "I was-"

"I don't want to see that happen again, understood?" He replied coldly still maintaining his wide smile as the previous chaos shifted into complete hush. The man lowered his head down with shame nodding silently. Douma averted his attention and glanced at the figure underneath making the girl jolt a bit but his once frightening demeanor changed into a cheerful and optimistic one in matter of second upon seeing her.

"Please take her to my chamber and treat her wounds" the man clapped with a wide grin plastered on his face. A group of female servants came rushing to help picking her up. The girl being too bewildered did not protested and simply follow his tone as if she was hypnotized by his neatly decorated persona.

The girl was immediately taken away without delay and as per douma he needed to attend his cult duties. First of all she was washed and changed into a beautiful kimono as soon as she stepped inside, then she was escorted into a room filled with antiques and lavish items which she have never seen. Her face lit up with fascination as she began venturing those decorative pieces.

"Looks like you have ease down a bit, good good" A familiar tone struck in her ears startling her a bit only to turn back and view the handsome cult leader although it was a bit strange because she did not heard anyone approaching.

"Aww did I scared you?" He laughed covering his face with golden fans.

"No I was just- you came in without a warning, I was taken aback" she explained blushing trying her best not to act immature to which douma laughed uncontrollably as he found this human's expression adorable say entertaining in his words.

"D-dont laugh at me" she pouted crossing her arms in the attempt.

"I am sorry (y/n), you really amuse me" he replied still grinning. However there was a moment of awkward silence between them as he uttered her name abruptly.

"I didn't tell you my name.." after a long pause she replied to him with a confuse look in her face.

"I know everyone's name who are living under my supervision including yours besides what kind of cult leader I am if I don't have basic information about my fellow followers. Oh look I have been talking to you without giving the chance to let you talk my bad" he laughed again waving his fans creating another awkward situation. Causing you to sweatdrop on his remark.

"Say (y/n) how old are you?" to which she replied enthusiastically "I am 8 years old and will turn 9 soon"

"Ah you don't look like one" douma grinned closing his eyes in the process.

"Yeah I get that a lot" she remarked shyly.

"Your mother is one of my followers" he continued

"Really?" her eyes sparked with hope as she approached douma with anticipation grabbing his arms for the second time starling him, she really like holding hands eh? he have experiences like that but somehow this girl made him feel different so he allowed her but then she stopped halfway through her words "I really miss her it's been a week since she left me here" her voice dropped with sadness.

Douma felt no sympathy for humans or anything as such, he have learned to fake his emotions from a very tender age eversince he was born to the extent that even seeing his mother killing her husband mercilessly failed to evoke feelings within. He clearly did not understand what she was feeling he just stared at her with a blank expression only to replace it quickly with a grim look even faking few tears. "(Y/n) chan you know its okay you will still have me" he patted the girl in an attempt to comfort her.

"Friends?" (Y/n) replied between her tears.

"If that's how you want us to be" douma smiled at her gently shocking himself for a second because he didn't think of smiling?

Things escalated soon after that incident, (y/n) was a kind and compassionate person from inside and out and in not time the cult followers started loving her presence. As often douma would let her accompany him and most of the time she stayed by his side following him everywhere and he didn't mind that at all moreover he appreciated her company. (Y/n) was like a fresh bud to him who depicted innocence and purity he loved spoiling her with expensive gifts yet she never showed signs of greediness and genuinely appreciated his thoughtfulness slowly forgetting the past life she was in and cherishing her friendship with douma. At first she was reluctant and didn't like getting so much attention but in the course of time she bonded better with everyone and was quite content with the life she was leading. As for douma he began to depend on (y/n) to the point that not seeing her face for even one day would make him go insane and he didn't understand why not like he want to because all he cared about was how she made him feel so many varieties of pleasant emotions he wish he could feel. Eating her was out of context.

However all good things must come to an end for he is someone to not rest in peace after the sin he have committed for centuries. Seeing douma paying her more attention, spoiling her with a ravish lifestyle and even letting her stay by his side all the time made some of his cult members terribly envious they wanted to punish her for taking their chances of stealing the spotlight. There was this one room that he forbade his followers to enter for obvious reasons and specifically for (y/n) because he didn't want to repeat the same mistake. This was exactly what they wanted (y/n) to do break the rules and Douma's trust. Like that there would be no more favouritism on her with others.

"Ah (y/n), there you are" one of the female member approached her one fine morning.

"Yes how may I help you?" She asked cheerfully

"Lord douma have asked for your presence in the forbidden room tonight and he said its urgent"

"Aren't we all prohibited to go inside"

"Oh (y/n) it's true master have arrived today and he wants your presence"

Upon hearing that news her heart elated with happiness, it has been two weeks since he last saw douma around and she missed him but something felt off about the whole situation douma always sees (y/n) first before tending his followers then why did he not come meet her did he not miss her like she did?

She was lost in her thoughts until she found two hands waving and snapping infort of her face.

"Don't be late, okay?" With that said the female hurried back into other room leaving (y/n) behind even though the situation seem kinda odd maybe douma was busy afterall.

At night (y/n) went into the restricted area. She stood infront of the shoji door in absolute dilemma debating whether or not to enter the room or go back. There was her desire of meeting douma on one hand and not breaking his trust by entering the room on the other. In the end she decided not to but as she was turning back she heard someone grunting in pain behind the closed doors being a compassionate person, she decided to open the door and enter into the darkness adjusting her eyes in the process, a pungent smell hit her nostrils making her cover her mouth and to her absolute terror the scene infront of her made her puke in disgust.

A pile of Mutilated bodies, mostly women laid around lifelessly on the blood stained tatami mattress. Many having no limbs, some headless and organs missing from their body as if someone had ate all of that. The whole room was a mess full of unfortunate people. She felt sick and began crawling down her way back from the corpses. However she felt a tight grip on her left foot upon looking down she witness the sight of a woman her intestines oozing out of her stomach begging for help. (Y/n) stood there perplexed unable to say anything chocking through tears.

"I told you not to come here, why?" (Y/n) turned her head violently to see douma standing in a distance his countenance cold and sinister evident that he was highly displeased upon seeing his innocent flower disobeying his instructions.

"It's not... like... what you see" (y/n) cried fearfully but douma didn't seem to buy it well in a blink of an eye she found herself in Douma's arms as he aggressively dragged her out of the room.

"What's going on douma" no word came out from the usual lively douma.

"It's hurting me your grip" no reply again to which she forcefully tried to stand still with all her strength. This time douma stopped his features hidden under his bangs making her unable to figure the expression he was carrying.

"Is this why douma forbade us to enter the room" no reply

"Are you responsible for murdering those innocent people?" No reply

"DOUMA" she shouted

"Why you want to join them?" Douma finally looked at her his eyes glowing dangerously proving his existence to be something unnatural. (Y/n's) eyes widen at his remarks as tears rolled down her visage.

"I hate you.." she murmured

"What?" He tilted his head letting his guard down a bit at her hurtful comments.

"I HATE YOU" she pushed douma roughly and flew from the place running deep into the forest for she knew who he was and what he is capable of doing. Tearing down she constantly reminisce the moments she shared but she cannot allow herself to sympathize his heinous crimes. Why is it that the people I love are always taken away from me? She thought. Exhausted from running she halted in order to catch her breath while glancing back to see if he was following, there was no one indeed so a sudden feeling of relief gushed in her body. However turning her head back she saw him standing inches apart from her face which made her shiver and fall onto the knees.

"Why are you running away from me (y/n)" he said apatheticly his head lowered at her level. She did not reply and stayed quite.

"Is it true that you don't love me after all the things I did for you?" Covering his face with one hand his eyes glowing under the moonlight a look of dejection written on his face. There was complete silence in the forest except the sound of rustling trees.

"Answer me" holding her face now firmly he growled making her flinch under his breath. In one last desperate attempt (y/n) tried to stab douma with a tree branch she found laying on the ground but unfortunately douma was faster and easily dodged the attack and in a swift motion he hit her with immense strength causing her fragile little body to tremble in pain as she coughed mucus mixed with blood.

"How foolish of you" he crouched down her height staring intensely at the quivering figure of the miserable girl. As for (y/n) her body ached but more was the tightness in the chest that she was experiencing in the moment.

He pulled her by the hair roughly making her scream in pain although at this point all she could manage with her cracking voice were inaudible screams.

"Why did you disobey me? (Y/n)..." who knew beneath that friendly kind face was hiding a undeniably deadly and calculative demon and at this point it was clear for her that he was anything but human.

"Who are you?" these few words manage to escape from her shaky lips in between low grunts.

"I am the leader of the eternal paradise cult"

"Wrong" to which he tightened his grip making her shriek again.

"You humans are so dumb believing in the existence of primordial deities where in reality its just a myth, a fairytale, created for pleasuring the sufferings of mere human. Being superior than you mortals I wanted to make these pitiful existence happy and that's why I was born and what you saw there" his lips curved into a cheeky smile revealing his deadly fangs creeping the shit out of the already scared girl. "I eat them so that they can always be with me and attain salvation" a sinister laughter escape from his mouth as he covered it with his golden fans. (Y/n) unable to process the new sets of information knots formed in her stomach making her sick in the guts.

"I ate your mother too, oh she was ungrateful after all the things I did to her just like you" protruding her eyes with pure shock she felt her veins popping out and blood boiling in pure rage.

"You are a monster, you think your stupid morals would persuade people to think like you do, I despise you douma I thought we were friends and you took away the one I cherished the most?"

"You think your mother loved you?" Douma snapped. The duality of this was man was insane, all the things he does or says are plastic.

"She never cared for your life, you want to know why? I will tell you since you insist" douma dragged her out of forest holding a fistful of her hair tightly inflicting great discomfort to the girl while he continued with his harsh statements and deliberate insults.

"You were just a burden, behaving like a fucking child with the alluring body of yours"

"No my mother promised me..she would protect me.. you are lying"

"While you were crying everyday inside my shrine that lowly woman enjoyed her life indulging in adultery with various cult members leaving her sick husband and mentally retarded daughter in the dark" every word he uttered spread vemon into her ears.

"Still she wanted more and more and more, what a greedy whore" douma continued.

"Do you know how much difficult it was for me to control myself around you? While you sway your hips and act innocently making those hungry men lust over you, how much dumb can you be?"

"What do you mean I don't understand.. douma"

"I did everything I can for you yet you remain ungrateful, disrespectful? Well guess its runs in your blood and I thought you are innocent but it turns out that you are just like the rest of them, naive"

Her eyes widened with every hurtful remarks he made about her and she did not understand why she felt that way shouldn't she be resentful towards him for killing her beloved mother but here she is weeping constantly because douma was treating her like he never did before.

"But that's fine (y/n) I can not bring myself to hurt you I love you and we shall always be together whether you like it or not" nothing reached in her ears anymore as her body grew numb. Her eyes shut as she carried the unbearable pain in her heart slowly loosing consciousness and remaining sanity.

It would have been easier if she died but alas a mere human like her is doomed at his mercy.

[takahero]

some descriptions of Basta in Inkheart if you’re interested!! spoiler warning just to be on the safe side, in case u haven’t read it. and my unsolicited commentary here and there

“‘Naturally I recognised them at once. Capricorn had sent his best men. Even Basta was with them.’” — pg.99

“Rasping cat’s-tongue voice” pg.125

“(Basta’s face) was thin, sharply angular, with close-set eyes…Basta was not a tall man, and his shoulders were almost as narrow as a boy’s, but Meggie held her breath when he took a step towards her…He had an aura of fury about him, or something keen and biting—” pg.126

“Only Basta wore a snow-white shirt, just as Dustfinger had said, with a red flower in the buttonhole of his jacket, a red flower like a warning.” pg.131

“He caught her eye, and with a twisted smile kissed the blade of his knife.” — pg.173 (I JUST HAD TO ADD THIS)

“‘Oh, Basta can’t write,’ replied Capricorn calmly. ‘None of my men can either read or write. I’ve forbidden them to learn.’” — pg.176 (literacy rights for Basta 2k21)

“She could see the trepidation even on Basta’s face, although he was doing his best to hide it by assuming a particularly bored expression.” — pg.185

“‘Abduction!’ Basta savoured the word. ‘Sounds good to me. Really good.’” — pg.192 (ok but if u read it a certain way. unofficial evidence that basta would enjoy reading if he could LMAO)

“‘Where’s our luggage?’ she asked.

“Dustfinger looked at her with amusement. ‘I expect Basta’s divided it out among Capricorn’s maids. He likes to ingratiate himself with them.’” — pg.213 LMAOOOOOOO OH MY GOD

“Basta was still standing in the road. His face was sharply outlined when he lit a cigarette with a lighter.” — pg.215

“And he bent down to cut through the leather thong that Basta wore around his neck. It had a little bag tied with a red drawstring hanging from it.” — pg. 231

“‘Ah, Basta!’ Fenoglio smiled. Each of his separate wrinkles expressed self-satisfaction. ‘One of the best villains I ever thought up. A rabid dog, but not half as bad as my other dark hero, Capricorn. Basta would let his heart be torn out for Capricorn, but his master is a stranger to such loyalty.’” — pg.264

“‘You know, if you were to ask me which of those two I was prouder of, Basta or Capricorn, I couldn’t tell you! Even though some critics said they were just too nasty!’” — pg.265

“Basta emphasised the word, putting his foxy face so close to Meggie’s she could see herself reflected in his eyes.” — pg.301

“‘You’ll do no such thing!’ he spat at Flatnose, as the grey cat disappeared under the wardrobe. ‘Killing cats is unlucky. How often do I have to tell you?’” — pg.303 (friendly reminder that the last time he appeared, he kicked a dog in the ribs 😐)

“Basta was walking just behind her, and she heard him quietly cursing the rain.” — pg.304 (irrelevant but i kind of hc basta to like the rain, since it would dampen dustfinger’s showbiz LMAO)

“Basta’s eyes always narrowed when he smiled.” — pg.305

“‘You wear long sleeves,’ Fenoglio continued very slowly, as if giving Basta time to take in every single word, ‘because your master likes playing with fire. You burned both arms right up to the shoulders when you obeyed his orders and set fire to the house of a man who had dared to refuse his daughter to Capricorn. Ever since then, someone else has laid the fire, and you confine yourself to playing games with knives.’” — pg.308

“‘Oh, I know all about you, Basta,’ he said. ‘I know you’d give your life for Capricorn any day, and you’re always hungry for his praise. I know you were younger than Meggie when his men picked you up, and ever since you’ve loved him like a father. But shall I tell you something? Capricorn thinks you’re stupid, and despises you for it. He despises you all, his devoted black-clad sons, although it’s his own doing that you’re still so ignorant. And he wouldn’t hesitate to set the police on to any one of you if it was to his advantage. Are you quite clear about that?’” — pg.308 (FENOGLIO…..RUTHLESS)

“Basta winked at Meggie.” — pg.310 (wink 1)

“Every cruel deed with which he had ever credited Basta was probably going through his head. Basta relished the fear on his face for a few delicious minutes.” — pg.312

“Basta’s car had not been in the car park at all since they’d come here. It was unusual for it to be gone so long, because Basta didn’t like to be away from the village for any length of time.” — pg.318 basta is a homebody guys

“‘Save your tongue for later, scribbler!” Basta interrupted. ‘I don’t like whispering.’” — pg.324

“Almost all the women in the village kept away from Basta, but he didn’t keep away from them.” — pg.337

“‘Take him, for instance,’ he said, pointing to Basta. ‘I always knew he was a very unhappy boy before you picked him up. As it says in another very fine book, it’s terribly easy to persuade children that they are worthless. Basta was convinced of it. Not that you taught him any better, oh no! Why would you? But suddenly here was someone to whom he could devote himself, someone who told him what to do — he’d found a god, Capricorn, and if you treated him badly, well, who says that all gods are kindly? Most of them are stern and cruel, wouldn’t you agree? I didn’t write all this in the book. I knew it, that was enough.’” — pg.345 (this is really the part that made my stance toward basta change. like PHEW. that’s a lot to unpack)

“Basta was notorious for his silent tread.” — pg.363

“Basta’s breath smelled of mint, fresh and sharp. Apparently a girl he’d once wanted to kiss had told him he had bad breath. The girl had regretted it, but ever since then Basta chewed peppermint leaves from morning to night.” — pg.364

“He whistled softly through his teeth, then held the book close to Meggie’s face.”— pg.374 (i was rendered speechless)

“Basta’s lips quivered with annoyance, but he bit back his reply and, without a word, put his hand under the black cloth.” — pg.377 (ugh I loved this. like we know he worships capricorn like a dog, but earlier fenoglio flat out told him capricorn couldn’t care less about what happened to him. more than that, capricorn asked basta to bring meggie and fenoglio — prisoners — into his home. later dustfinger says that basta would’ve slept on the threshold of capricorn’s room if he could but none of the men sleep there. so with all of this fresh in his mind, you can imagine him feeling quite hurt and betrayed. UGH I wish he had a greater arc surrounding capricorn…like even if we saw a few hints that his loyalty was starting to show cracks…idk what his arc is in inkspell so maybe I’ll sit tight for that)

“He was in a hurry to get back to the light of day, away from the dead and their ghosts. His hand shook as he hung his lantern on a book and opened the grating over the first cell.” — pg.409

“Dustfinger was always surprised to find how easily you could scare the man with a few words.” — pg.409 LMAOOOOO

“‘That notion of burning us isn’t a very new idea, Basta, but then you were never fond of new ideas.’” — pg.422

“His teeth were almost as white as his shirt.” — pg.442

“Meggie saw from his face that everything in him felt revulsion, but he came closer and took the creature. He held the scaly body well away from him as it wound and twisted in the air.

“‘As you see, Basta doesn’t care for my snakes!’ said the Magpie, with a smile. ‘He never did, not that that means much. As far as I know Basta doesn’t like anything but his knife. He also believed that snakes bring bad luck, which of course is pure nonsense.’ Mortola handed Basta the second snake. Meggie saw the viper’s tiny poison fangs when it opened its mouth. For a moment, she almost felt sorry for Basta.” — pg.446

“‘Basta likes to use snakes to scare women who reject his advances. It didn’t work with Resa. How did it go exactly — didn’t she finally put the snake outside your door, Basta?’” — pg.446 (10/10 resa & snake well-deserved)

“Basta did not want neighbours. Indeed, he wanted no other company but Capricorn’s. Dustfinger knew Basta would have slept on the threshold of Capricorn’s room if he had been allowed to, but none of the men lived in the main house.” — pg.478

“Basta was probably the only man in Capricorn’s village who locked his front door.” — pg.480

“They said in the village that whenever Capricorn had a house set on fire Basta took away a brick or stone, even though he feared fire at other times, and clearly that story was true.” — pg.480

“(Everything in Basta’s house was scrubbed clean, as spotless as his snow-white shirt.)” — pg.481

“Once or twice, footsteps approached, but each time they passed by the house. What a good thing Basta had no friends.” — pg.482

“Basta was not in a good way. Whenever they looked at him they saw his hands clinging to the bars, knuckles white under his sun-tanned skin.” — pg.503 (BASTA’S SUNTANNED?!?!)

“Basta in particular was the object of enough scorn and derision for ten men, and from his failure to react at all one could only guess at the depths of his despair.” — pg.503

“For the fraction of a second life came back into Basta as his former lord and master stopped by the bars; he raised his head, his eyes pleading silently, like a dog begging for forgiveness…Basta only bowed his head and stared at the floor. Elinor thought he looked like an oyster with the flesh and life sucked out of it.” — pg.504 (i honestly still can’t wrap my head around his behaviour in this chap. i mean yes, the gladiator-style death sentence looming over his head can’t be understated. but i think for me it was how rapidly his spirits deteriorated from screaming for help in the cell to becoming a husk of a man before he even saw capricorn again? how?? was it all because of dustfinger spooking him so bad in the crypt?? 🤔🤔)

[thetypedwriter]

All the Young Dudes Fanfiction Review

All the Young Dudes Fanfiction Review by MsKingBean89

So. 

This is a first. 

If you’ve been following this blog for some time, then you know I generally read young adult books and write far too lengthy reviews on them with the occasional outlier of adult fiction, mystery, sci-fi, etc. 

At any given time, I usually have both a physical book that I’ve bought from somewhere that I’m working on (right now it’s Firekeeper's Daughter by Angeline Boulley) as well as a fanfiction that I reserve until before I go to bed (my treat for a day well lived). 

Fanfiction is something that I’ve mentioned copious amounts of times on this blog in varying degrees, but this is the first time I’ll be writing an actual review for one of them on this platform. 

The reason for this is myriad. 

One, this fanfiction called All the Young Dudes is a far-cry from your normal standardized fanfiction of 5-50,000 words-something I can easily consume in a few minutes to a few hours. 

Nope, this behemoth ends on a staggering 526,969 words and 188 chapters, not including bonus chapters and extra in-universe canonical content the author has also written and published. Roughly speaking, if this was actually published onto paper it would be well over 2,000 pages. 

2,000 pages. 

Yeah. And I enjoyed every single moment of it. 

Two, while I read a lot of fanfiction I generally don’t put any of it on this blog because while I’ve dedicated it to published novels, I also usually have very simple feelings about fanfiction. My thoughts run the gambit of: It was good, it was fluffy, it was a train-wreck, so on and so forth. 

Normally my reviews are so long and wordy because I have too many thoughts about the published books that I read and I need an outlet to let them loose. 

Whether because of its longevity or because of its content, All the Young Dudes is a story I find myself having a profusion of thoughts for. Hence, the birth of this review. 

If fanfiction isn’t your thing, feel free to skip this particular review of mine (although fanfiction is a gift to this world and you should really rethink your stance on it if you don’t like it, just saying). 

Third, All the Young Dudes is well written and rivals any actual published content. 

Fourth, because of how extensive this fanfiction is, it took me over a month to read it-time I generally would have been reading something else. Instead of leaving you all hanging for a few more weeks until I finish Firekeeper's Daughter (don’t hold your breath-the book is sort of a slog for me personally right now), I decided to just take the jump and write my first-ever typedwriter review for a fanfiction. 

Fanfiction has been a part of my life for the better part of almost two decades now. It was truly something I found by accident and in retrospect, it’s insane to me that it’s still something that brings me continuous joy and happiness. 

I discovered fanfiction when I was 11-years-old and deeply obsessed with the Harry Potter fandom. 

Now, as an overall disclaimer I completely disagree with J.K. Rowling’s stances of gender and biology and differ wholeheartedly with her views of trans and non-binary individuals. With that said, I still love Harry Potter as a story and while I no longer buy anything that profits J.K. Rowling directly, I still love the fandom and the people in it, including fanworks like All the Young Dudes. 

When I was 11, the seventh Harry Potter book had yet to come out and like many other people in this time period of agony while waiting for 2007 to roll around so that I could find out what happened, I discovered fanfiction as a way to fill in that ache I was so keenly feeling. 

I found myself suddenly immersed in this world of online fiction-both good and bad-but completely entrancing all the same. 

I never left. 

That is to say, I did eventually move onto other fandoms with their own fanfiction cultures, but Harry Potter was still my first in terms of fanfiction and introducing me to the concept as a whole. 

Specifically and maybe oddly, I never found myself curious for actual fanfiction about Harry or Hermione or Ron. In my mind, I already knew what had happened to them and reading about them in fanfiction was redundant. 

In addition, the first fanfiction I just happened to come across was a Lily/James marauder era fanfiction on mugglenet.com

This idea immediately intrigued me as fans as a whole knew next to nothing about the infamous Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs and while I knew everything I needed to about Harry Potter it was intoxicating to think that I could learn about a time before the series had existed and about characters who were important, but off screen. 

I was hooked and devoured as much as I could for most of middle school about the marauders and Lily and James’ romance in particular (I even wrote and published some of my own that will go unmentioned as they are truly really terrible). 

That being said, I haven’t read a Harry Potter fanfiction in years. I grew up and out of the fandom eventually thanks to Twilight and from there I’ve bounced from fandom to fandom as I’ve aged and consumed different things and fallen in love with different characters and different worlds. 

That isn’t to say I’ve forgotten though. 

I still remember my favorite marauder stories, my favorite Sirius Black/OFC (original female character), and my favorite baby Harry drabbles. They made such a huge impression on me and even though it’s been sixteen years, I still recall those stories with fond nostalgia and jubilation. 

Which is why it’s almost ironic that I would return to this particular time period of the marauders with All the Young Dudes. 

In a fashion that’s almost scarily full circle, I happened to be on Youtube one day and saw a recommendation video about this girl reviewing a fanfiction called All the Young Dudes. Now, youtube book reviews aren’t uncommon, but a thirty minute video for a fanfiction? Not your typical sighting. 

So out of pure curiosity, I searched All the Young Dudes fanfiction on Google and low and behold the overwhelming and top results were all for a marauder-era fanfiction by MsKingBean89. Piqued, I clicked on the link in ao3 and thought why not? 

While I’ve mainly been reading in other fandoms recently (BTS, some anime and manga, All for the Game) I had been in a little bit of a slump for finding a really good, really alluring story for some time and really didn’t think I had anything to lose by reading All the Young Dudes, especially as the more research I did, the more I found how popular it was-a plethora of videos on youtube, tiktok compilations, and dozens of fanart posts. 

Plus, it had been so long since I had read anything from my progenitor fandom and the thought of going back was strangely comforting.

Hence the journey of reading All the Young Dudes began and oh what a journey it was. 

Now, that this review is already five pages in, I should probably tell you what on earth All the Young Dudes is actually about. 

The whole story is a marauder-era fanfiction told from Remus Lupin’s POV from the summer of 1971 when Remus is 11-years-old to the summer of 1995 when he is 35-five-years-old. It is an in-depth portrayal of Remus’ time at Hogwarts from year one to year seven and then going all the way up to the start of the second wizarding world, ending around the time Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix begins. 

While already the scope makes this a massive undertaking, the author also includes all canonical content from the original series involving Remus, the Marauders, and the time period and incorporates it into her fanfiction-making it canon compliant from start to finish. 

While a very large portion of this story is not romantic, there is eventual WolfStar (Remus Lupin/Sirius Black) and if you have read the original Harry Potter series...well. You know things don't end up super dandy for these two characters in particular so you know how the story will end before it begins. 

This fanfiction left me speechless for so many reasons. 

The scope and length is frankly unbelievable. This fanfiction was published on March 2, 2017 and it was completed on November 12, 2018.

….how?

How did she manage that? I frankly have no idea, but I am in complete and utter awe at her ability to write content with such a magnitude and actually complete it. She gets an award just for that honestly. 

Not only that, but the fanfiction is actually superbly well-written. I won’t lie and say it’s the most poignant and beautiful piece of literature I’ve ever consumed, but it was consistent in its pacing, characterization, themes, motifs, and structure, which, for 2,000 pages, is an incredible achievement when you think about it. 

Speaking of characterization, everyone was So. Well. Done. 

Remus was such an interesting POV to read from and while he was compliant in every sense of the word-werewolf, prefect, bookish-MsKingBean89 added so much more to his character and fleshed him out so incredibly that it’s truly tragic that he’s not a real person. 

And to that extent, she does this with all of the characters. You see James’ optimism and leadership, Sirius’ arrogance and loyalty, Peter’s jealousy and chess skills. 

Every character was so well-rounded and real. She did an incredible job of taking the bits and pieces from the canon series and using that to build up her own flesh and blood people with motivations, likes, dislikes, dreams, and desires. 

That being said, she also had 2,000 pages to do it sooooooo it would be bad if the characters weren’t fleshed out by the end honestly. 

In addition, I really appreciated that she didn’t just focus on Remus, Sirius, James and Peter. Lily Evans played a critical role in Remus’ school life and after and so did the other Gryffindor girls like Marlene and Mary. 

Too often, the focus is on the boys and their close friendship and while that was a huge focus, we also get to see Remus develop friendships with the girls in his own right and other friends as well that were often OC’s of the author’s. 

Now. OC’s are generally something I dislike. I’m reading fanfiction to read about particular characters that I’ve sought after, not to read about some imaginary cast. However, just like any of the canon characters, all of the OC characters were well-developed and played crucial roles in Remus’ development-while either at Hogwarts or after-and I found myself not minding them in the least. In a few cases (Grant) I actually really loved them. 

The biggest draw for this fanfiction for me was Remus’ time at Hogwarts. It was so well-written and incredibly descriptive and I found myself thrust back into the world of magic so suddenly and seamlessly that it was like I never left. 

MsKingBean89 includes so many intricate details and builds up the world so beautifully that I’d recommend any Harry Potter fan to consume it, just to get some good Hogwarts material out of it. 

Another thing I greatly appreciate about this fanfiction was the slow burn. I’ve read slow burn before (All for the Game trilogy anybody?), but this truly took the cake. Sirius and Remus don’t properly get together until the end of year six going into year seven. That’s over 100 chapters in. 

100 chapters out of 188. 

Meaning that over half of this beast doesn’t have the main pairing even together. For some people, this could be a drawback. You might think to yourself: It takes how long for them to confess their feelings and stop being prats?

A very, very long time. 

However...it didn’t bug me. I like slow burn to begin with, but being along for the ride as Remus goes from being a child to an adolescent with unrequited feelings to being in a relationship with someone he loves is so rewarding and fulfilling that the 100 previous chapters are completely and utterly worth it. 

MsKingBean89 develops them so well and so carefully that the payoff is so sweet and satisfactory that it's enough to bring the tears right then and there. 

The last huge feat of this fanfiction for me was the author’s dedication to canon not just confined to Hogwarts and the Harry Potter books, but also to the time period. Either she lived through the 70’s and 80’s herself or she had done her due diligence when it comes to research because anything from London anti-gay laws to British slang was commonplace in her fic. 

I found it completely amazing how she was able to tie in real-time historical and cultural moments like famous singers and movies playing at the time alongside convoluted muggle politics warring with the wizarding ones. 

I was so blown away by the accuracy and genuine love behind this fic that it often brought me out of my own mind to simply ponder once again how much work this was and how well she was delivering it. 

Even unpleasant things, like homophobia and bigotry, are dealt with in a very carefully constructed way that is aligned with the time period in which the story takes place. 

Unfortunately, everything beautiful is not without flaws and All the Young Dudes is not the exception, although it’s flaws are nary compared to its achievements. 

The few complaints I have with this fic are honestly quite negligible. 

First, there are a few grammatical and punctuation errors. Very few, but I did notice some. 

Next, and again, this complaint is really just me whining, but...the end of the fic was really fucking sad. The end of this whole story took me so much time to complete simply because I didn’t want to read it. 

I know what happened during the first wizarding war and I also know what ended it (James and Lily Potter dying, Harry being shipped off to the Dursley’s, Sirius imprisoned for a murder he didn’t commit, Peter presumed dead) and in one fell swoop Remus lost everything and everyone he ever loved. 

After spending over 1,500 pages of Remus growing to love these people it is absolutely devastating and heart-breaking to see him lose it all. 

The last handful of chapters are just really, really sad and it makes me wonder why MsKingBean89 decided to write it in the first place. Frankly, I don't know why she didn't write about Remus’ time at Hogwarts and stop after graduation because we all know what happens after that and none of it is good. 

Looking back, I wish I could time travel and tell myself to stop at chapter 150. I truly didn’t need to read about the tragedies that happened after that and the hell that all of the characters go through. 

And while it does end on a….sort of kind of maybe positive (?) note with Sirius and Remus reuniting briefly once the events of Harry Potter and Prisoner of Azkaban take place, it was really tainted and bittersweet for me knowing that in a year Sirius would die and Remus would marry his fucking cousin and have a child. 

Urgh. 

I just can’t. 

That being said, I understand it’s not the author’s fault and I’m not saying it is. She wrote a canon compliant fic to the end and it was my choice to continue reading. That being said, she said she ended it before the events of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix because Sirius and Remus are happy and back together and she didn’t want to write what was coming next if she continued. 

I truly, truly get that. 

But in the same vein, why even write the events of the first wizarding world to begin with then? I’m confused with that response as it doesn’t make much sense to me. I felt like ending it right then and there was not a happy ending. They’re together, yes, but at this point they are both shells of who they used to be. Both have severe trauma and PTSD and frankly I don’t even know if I agree with them being together just because they’ve put each other through so much. 

It’s just an interesting choice at the end of the day in terms of the author. 

Once again, however, I truly understand that she can do whatever she wants and that she doesn’t owe anyone anything, especially as she’s writing this for free and just because. So please keep in mind that although I’m complaining, I truly understand how fortunate we are to even have this fic in the first place. 

Okay. 

Secondly, my only other huge complaint is that MsKingBean89 made Remus gay. Not bi, not pan. Gay. 

You could argue that Remus just calls himself gay in the fanficiton as he didn’t know about other kinds of sexuality. You could argue that Remus’ sexuality changes and develops as he ages and experiences trials and tribulations. You could argue that it was a sign of times like so much else in this fic. 

I frankly just found it to be a frustrating choice as the fic is canon compliant and even though it ends before the events of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows we know that Remus eventually marries Tonks and has a baby son named Teddy Lupin. 

How does that make sense?

I tried very, very hard to come up with some sort of feasible explanation for how a gay man would have ended up with the love of his life’s female cousin and truly could not think of one that was not fucked up to some degree. 

Again. I know I’m being nit-picky, but it irked me that she made this choice regarding Remus’ sexuality and essentially ended her fic with Remus stuck in a corner regarding how the series actually ends. 

At the end of the day, all of the negatives are truly, truly not important. I’m just whinging to whine and to express my thoughts, but I do once again understand that MsKingBean89 isn’t profiting from this fic and that she can do what she wants as is her prerogative. 

I hope I was able to express that while I understand that, I can still be frustrated with some of the choices she made. 

To wrap this all up, All the Young Dudes is a masterpiece and is a must-read for anyone who loves Harry Potter, the Marauders, or Wolfstar. I was blown away by the sheer magnitude, the love and care she put into her craft, the slow and deliberate development of all the characters, the beautifully constructed love between Sirius and Remus, and the intricate world-both muggle and magic-that surrounded the story like a cocoon. 

I am so happy I found this fic and I truthfully am floundering at what to do with myself next. If you have any more current Marauder era fics that I’ve missed out in the past eleven years, please don’t hesitate to let me know. 

Recommendation: Go read All the Young Dudes. For weeks, you will cry, you will laugh, you will despair, and you will smile. This fanfiction will make you wish this was canon and in my mind, it now is. 

Score: 8/10

Links:

1. All the Young Dudes on ao3 

2. The Youtube Video about All the Young Dudes that made me aware of its existence 

[mircallablue]

So, in the wake of BeauJesters seeming passing, I’m going to take a moment to be more than a little self-indulgent and explain why I love these characters and their unique dynamic so goddamn much, as well as why I’m so disheartened by the way the show seems to be taking them. Warning: essay ahead lol. This is just a rambly rant that I’m writing because it’s cathartic to vent a little bit of frustration, and I love these characters so much. (and I love the entire cast, every goddamn one, and every other character in the show too. This is about love, not hate). 

So, for a few brief and wonderful episodes in this campaign, I actually believed that I was being told a love story about falling in love with your best friend, and figuring out your sexuality, while also unlearning all of the untrue lessons that the world taught you about love while you were growing up, and in so doing, finding value in yourself. Which, for me personally, is just super relatable. Like, that ticks every damn box I have lol, which partly explains why I love BeauJester so much, and I know a lot of B/J shippers feel the same. I’ve shipped B/J from super early on, but I never in a million years really believed it would happen, for a lot of reasons. Mostly homophobia, biphobia and heteronormativity. But I enjoyed their dynamic nonetheless, even though I thought (and was often TOLD by other shippers) that it didn’t stand a chance in hell of happening. 

So you can imagine how VALIDATING it was when Marisha, both in character and out of game, confirmed that Beau had very significant romantic feelings for Jester. All of the crumbs we’d collected over the course of the campaign were finally coming together and all of the gaslighters who told us we were delusional suddenly had to acknowledge that there was something there. And once it had been acknowledged, it was OBVIOUS. Omg it was so obvious and I loved every second of it. It was so undeniable for the next few episodes, and in hindsight, that there was something building there between them, there was potential. There was definitely a connection between these two characters. And for a few weeks, it was great. 

Then Liam - out of character - mentions that Caleb is in love with Jester. And it is immediately, fandom wide, treated with more respect than Marisha and Beau. 

I know a lot of people get very very angry when this is brought up, but it is just the ugly, unfortunate reality that a lot of people in this fandom treat Jester like a manic pixie dream girl. Even the people who do not consciously believe her to be that (and I don’t think there are many that genuinely believe it), are perfectly fine /treating her/ like one, as long as it serves one of the straight men that they love so much, usually Caleb. And this is where the heteronormativity comes in. Because even though it was an out-of-game confession with no bearing on canon, Calebs feelings immediately took precedence over Beaus in terms of the fandom narrative. 

I personally have never liked the way Liam handles romance in game. He did pretty much the exact same thing in campaign 1 as well, where his sad boy pines after the happy girl from afar until he’s uncontrollably in love with her, and then with no warning he drops it like a bomb. He just happened to drop it out of game this time. The main reason I don’t like this style of romance is because of how (unintentionally) manipulative it is. You see it in bad romcoms all the time. The guy makes a public declaration of love that pressures the girl into reciprocating or looking like the bad guy. But the main reason I don’t like /this particular/ declaration is the timing. 

Liam - who has always said he likes things to come out in game - inexplicably decides out of game reveal something as major as Caleb being in love with Jester, right after Marisha IN GAME took steps towards Beau and Jester being together. And it completely changed the narrative. Suddenly it was “top table top table”, and that's if Beaus feelings ever got mentioned at all. It was not at all helped by the fact that a lot of cast members (sam) still pushed Fjorester HARD, even with Jester telling Nott to stop, which must have sucked for Marisha/Beau. But even as recently as episode 99, Beau was still flirting with Jester, and there were definite hints at Jester maybe having unacknowledged feelings for Beau.

Then the hiatus happened. When we return, Beau is throwing herself at Yasha, and there’s not even a song for Jester on her playlist.  And then Travis reveals (also out of game, like Liam) that Fjord has feelings for Jester (in a playlist heavily curated by known fjorester, Dani Carr). And even /that/ is treated with more weight by some fans than Beaus in canon confession. And Yasha is having all of these super convenient dreams where Zuala tells her its ok to move on, and Beau and Jester are barely speaking. And now Beau is calling Yasha her GIRLFRIEND? WHAT??? Did I miss 20 secret episodes that aired during hiatus or something???? Beau and Yasha have still, in 107 episodes, only had ONE meaningful conversation and yet their relationship is being treated as deep and inevitable. Sure, you can read into their other interactions if you want. But as a queer person, I am sick to death of my love needing to be represented as subtext.

And so it has become pretty clear that the cast has decided out of game to go in a different direction. And of course they are well within their right to do that. But I just can’t help feeling incredibly disheartened, and again, more than a little bit gas-lighted. It really does seem as if Beaus' feelings for Jester have just been scrubbed from canon - as if they never even happened. All, seemingly, to make way for a typical happy-girl-sad-guy relationship with either Fjord or Caleb, and a typical pair-the-spares barely-any-depth relationship between the two out lesbians because its easy.

For the entirety of campaign 2, BeauJester has been treated as one thing - inconvenient. Inconvenient by the fans, who prefer other ships and have treated BeauJesters terribly, and now it seems, inconvenient by the cast, who have seemingly discarded it and scrubbed it from canon. 

And one thing that really upsets me is the amount of genuine viciousness and vitriol coming from (some) BeauYasha shippers. I really wish BeauYasha was something I could get on board with, I do. And a lot of people who are sending me hate seem to assume I don’t want them to end up together. But I would be fine with that. But as it stands, they’ve literally only had one real conversation in 107 episodes, and they’re calling each other girlfriend? While literally having not spoken about anything like that? While one of those characters is supposed to have canon romantic feelings for another woman? Imagine that situation with any other characters and it would be comical.

I swear, the queer ladies in this fandom have been done dirty. All of us. Imagine if, in campaign one, Grog and Keyleth, in episode 107, started calling each other boyfriend/girlfriend in the middle of a battle. (I picked those two because they probably had the fewest moments together of any VM pairing). That’s pretty much what happened here, and we’re supposed to like it - be grateful, even - because it’s wlw rep? And I swear, the number of times I’ve been called lesbophobic in the last month is absurd - all because I’m not comfortable with a canon lesbians canon feelings being swept under the rug. All because I want wlw relationships to be allowed to have the same depth and growth as the straight ones. Yes, even if that relationship is B/Y. We should not settle for less. Imagine if they had done this with any other character's canon feelings for another. People would be angry.

And I know there are going to be a lot of people saying “It’s their game, they can do what they like”. 

True. I never said otherwise. But it is also a show. It is a product. They sell merch. It is something that they have taken the time and the steps to make sure that we care about. And this is what that looks like. 

I know what happened here isn’t technically queerbaiting, but damn if it doesn’t cut the same.

[quentyl]

What does ATLA tell us about Ursa?

For context, originally this started as a response to an ask. I felt like I couldn’t answer properly without going over Ursa’s portrayal in the show first, ergo this very long post. I’ll answer the actual question later.

Ursa only appears in one episode of the show (not counting Azula’s hallucination), has about a dozen lines, and apart from that is mentioned just a very few times. That’s not much, but there’s still a lot we can infer from that limited screen time.

Without further ado, let’s talk about Ursa as a mother first:

In her first scene, she’s sitting with Zuko on the ground and feeding turtle-ducks, giving off an aura of tranquility, relaxation and effortless grace. Even contentment. This is how the show chose to introduce her to the viewer: as someone who can laugh with her kid, be affectionate, and enjoy a peaceful moment.

Of course, she’s not just affectionate and sweet in this scene, she’s also protective. She says it plainly: “Zuko, that's what moms are like. If you mess with their babies, they're gonna bite you back.” At that moment, she was just joking with Zuko, but it foreshadows what she’s going to do a few days later, when the Fire Lord himself tries to mess with her baby: she bites back like a true mother. Ozai said that she did “vicious, treasonous things” that night. She herself, just before her disappearance, basically admits to having done terrible things, and she can’t leave without telling Zuko why, she needs him to know: “Everything I've done, I've done to protect you.” It’s interesting to note the plural here (“vicious things”, “everything”). So, though we aren’t shown anything directly, the show still seems to insist on the fact that Ursa got her hands dirty to save Zuko, that she killed Azulon herself and actually might have had to do other unpleasant things to accomplish that. So in spite of the lightness that seems to emanate from her at first, there is a dark side to Ursa.

Wrt Azulon and Ursa’s personality, there is another moment that is telling: when Zuko fails his demonstration before the Fire Lord, she does not hesitate to go over to comfort him, acting as if they are alone in the room. As if the most powerful man in the world isn’t watching, as if this isn’t a formal audience, as if she isn’t wasting the time of the Fire Lord. She tells Zuko that she loved watching him, as if it wasn’t Azulon’s opinion that mattered. She just throws propriety and caution through the window, Zuko’s hurt feelings eclipsing everything else in her mind, and forgets to give a fuck about her lord’s opinion (or her husband’s for that matter).

Ursa is also presented as her children’s primary authority figure, the one who’s charged with watching over them, giving them news, and preparing them for surprise meetings. But more than just an authority figure, she’s presented as the main good influence in their life, the one who teaches them about right and wrong. She makes Zuko play with Azula because she thinks they should bond as siblings (from the way Azula manipulates her using this, we can assume it’s a point Ursa has stressed as important in the past). She teaches Zuko to see things from others’ point of views (the mom turtleduck), she admonishes Azula without losing patience when her daughter shows lack of consideration for her uncle’s life, she reprimands her more strongly when she’s being deliberately insolent.

To summarize the above points: Ursa in the flashbacks is (almost) portrayed as the ideal parent: gracious, affectionate, playful, comforting, fiercely protective, authoritative, respectable, and the person who provides moral guidance to her children.

Ok but what about “our mom liked Zuko more than me” and “my own mother thought I was a monster” and “even you fear me”? Well, first things first, these are Azula’s thoughts, years after her mother abandoned her in order to protect her brother. While we have to respect her feelings, they do not necessarily match who the real Ursa was and thought. In particular, I think the Ursa we saw in the flashbacks didn’t seem to think of her daughter as a monster, or to be afraid of her at all - or she wouldn’t have forced Zuko to play with her (she does wonder “what is wrong with that child” but that’s in reaction to Azula making a deliberately provocative and ominous comment: she’d been acting borderline treasonous and kinda worryingly obsessed with the succession). Personally, I think that it’s more likely Azula who sees herself as a monster, not Ursa, and she projected that unto her mother because Ursa was the one who taught her how to distinguish between right and wrong and she believes that her mother wouldn’t have approved of the person she chose (and keeps choosing) to be.

That said, Zuko absolutely may have been Ursa’s favorite (studies found that most parents have one). Zuko himself doesn’t argue the point with his sister, and Ursa’s character description on the old Avatar website supports this (Zuko is flat-out described as “her favorite child”). Note that this doesn’t necessarily translate into Azula being treated unfairly by her mother. All we know for sure is that 14 years old Azula feels her mother liked Zuko more and that this thought hurts her deeply (personally, I tend to think that it hurts Azula more as a teenager than as a child, because it ties into her teenage self's deep well of anxiety about being unlovable in general - a “monster”).

The rest under the cut.

Now that I’ve gone over how she was portrayed as a mother, I think it’s time to delve into her and her husband’s dynamic, and how it fits into her relationship with their kids:

(Disclaimer: note that Ozai and Ursa never interact during the flashbacks, so to know more about their relationship we have to read the subtext - and since it is subtext and not text, basically everything below is technically just my interpretation, and at best I can only argue that it is the most fitting interpretation.)

Let’s go back a moment to “What is wrong with that child?”: Ursa sounds genuinely puzzled here. But she shouldn’t be puzzled, she should be alarmed. “Fire Lord Azulon. Can't you just call him ‘Grandfather’? He's not exactly the powerful Fire Lord he used to be. Someone will probably end up taking his place soon.” - this isn’t just Azula being insolent and stanning her dad, like her earlier comments. Ursa should have taken the second part, “someone will probably end up taking his place soon”, as a warning. But she doesn’t (at least not at that moment). She just silences Azula and doesn’t immediately think “oh shit my husband is planning something” or even “what kind of fuckery has my husband been discussing in our daughter’s earshot”. Instead her reaction shows that she is kinda clueless about what’s going on. She seems to think the issue is just Azula being a weird child, and doesn’t immediately link her words to Ozai. So what we can infer from that is that Ursa, before that day, wasn’t very... aware of Ozai’s ambitions. At best, she knew he’d like to be Fire Lord without realizing that he actually does intend to do something about it - sorta like just because you know someone is jealous of their sibling’s sport car you don’t suspect they’re gonna kill them to steal it. The idea of Ozai attempting to take the throne is just not on her mind like it is for us, the viewers, when we’re listening to Azula talk about how her dad’s glory days are coming.

Note that Ursa is not the only one who didn’t expect such a move from Ozai. Azulon is furious and surprised at Ozai’s impudent request.

This disconnect between Ozai’s ambitions and Ursa’s simple enjoyment of life is also shown through her relationship with his older brother: it’s clear from the little we see of them that Ursa and Iroh get along very well. Ursa seems very fond of him: she’s happy to read his letter, laughs at his joke, admonishes Azula for her callousness regarding him (“it would be awful if Uncle Iroh didn’t return”), and is genuinely heartbroken for him when she learns of Lu Ten’s death (”Iroh has lost his son”). These scenes are telling us that Ursa isn’t in on Ozai’s plans, and wouldn’t support him if she knew of them.

But Azula supports him, wholeheartedly. Azula wants her dad to be Fire Lord because clearly he deserves it. There’s something a little unsettling about the fact that Ozai’s little girl knows what’s in Ozai’s heart and what’s on his mind, his dark designs, but his own wife doesn’t. Was she spying on him (we see her do just that at least once) or did he just take her into his confidence (also very likely, it looks like they do spend time together without their other family members)? Whichever way she came by her information, it immediately creates a chasm between mother and daughter - because suddenly they’re not on the same side anymore, politically. And the worst thing is, Ursa isn’t even aware of that chasm - or at least, she doesn’t seem to understand its importance yet (even though Azula tries to tell her).

To go back to Ozai and Ursa, by the time of the flashbacks not only are they not on the same page politically, they’re also not aligned on the matter of parenting. Ursa admonishes Azula for words that could have come directly from Ozai’s mouth, were he honest. They also don’t react in the same way at all to Zuko’s fumblings: while Ursa is just sorry that he feels bad and is proud of his tenacity, Ozai is unhappy about him even attempting a demonstration. So however their arranged marriage started, they failed to become a unit on the two most important fronts of that contract.

But note that while Ursa makes a show of comforting Zuko, Ozai’s disapproval is actually subtle - the viewers see it because the camera makes a point to focus on it. I don’t think Ozai was full-on abusive toward Zuko yet at this point, when Ursa was still in the picture. Copy-pasting from a previous meta: “In these flashbacks, Zuko didn’t seem scared of his father yet. He wasn’t afraid to perform before him, to cry and lament his failures before him, or to be comforted by Ursa before him. He didn’t seem overly worried to have embarrassed him in front of Azulon himself. He wasn’t afraid to demand answers from him after Ursa’s disappearance.” So it is very possible that Ursa wasn’t very aware of the depth of his disdain for their son, just like she wasn’t very aware of how intensely (terribly) he desired his father’s throne. Before that fateful day, it seems Ozai kept the monster inside himself hidden.

So what happened between them the night of Ursa’s disappearance? One thing that is really important to note, I think, is that Ozai was ready for a takeover before Ursa decided to do anything. Not only does Azula basically spell it out before Ozai even makes his request to Azulon (he did not intend to wait patiently for his father to die of old age, he intended to replace him “soon”), we see after the fact that he has at least the head Fire sage in his pocket (“As was your dying wish you are now succeeded by your second son” - that was most certainly not Azulon’s dying wish). When telling the story to Zuko, Ozai rejects the whole thing on Ursa, saying she was the one to propose a plan - but the flashbacks imply he had one himself beforehand whether it involved her or not.

Ursa somehow found a way to get to Azulon in the middle of the night. How did she even have access to his chambers? Did she kill the guards too? Is she a secret ninja or did she somehow trick them?

Even though Ozai was in on Ursa’s plan (by his own admission), he still banished her for it. Now he didn’t do that to save face, since the official story is that Azulon died of natural causes (it’s actually less suspicious if his wife doesn’t disappear on the same day). It could be a weird thing like Ozai actually did feel some love/attachment for his father, or respect for his position as Fire Lord, and felt he was somehow duty-bound to punish her for his murder even if he himself incited her to commit it (maybe he let her do the dirty work so that he can still feel like he himself is clean?). Or he banished her to silence her or keep her from assassinating him next (the justification he gave in the comics).

But then, whatever his reasons for banishing her, the question becomes why didn’t he kill her instead? He did not spare her to avoid bad press or some form of retribution, since as far as the public eye is concerned him killing her and then making her body disappear would look exactly the same as what he eventually did. Ultimately, she’s much less of a hazard dead than alive somewhere out of his control. At the very least, he could have kept her prisoner. So, unless there’s some other variables we’re not aware of, I can think of two explanations. The first is that after she left Zuko’s room that night, Ozai did actually kill her (or attempted to and she somehow managed to escape) and just lied to Zuko during the Eclipse - though I’m not sure why he would lie in that particular context. The second explanation - brace yourselves! - is that Ozai let her go because back then he still had ~feelings~ and couldn’t quite bring himself to kill her.

Subtext does, in fact, support the idea that Ozai did once feel something for Ursa, whether this is the reason he spared her or not. In animation everything is a choice. The people who made Zuko Alone decided that on the morning of his triumph - his father’s death and his impending ascension to the throne - Ozai wasn’t celebrating or plotting. He was brooding while thinking of his wife, just standing still at a spot where we know she used to spend some time (she’s sitting there when she receives news of Lu Ten’s death). Even if he wasn’t sad, at the very least he was contemplating what he lost in order to get what he wanted. Which means that there was something to lose there, that he could have chosen another life, but did not. The writers could have elected to show him pretending to be mourning his late father, or plotting, or preparing for his coronation, or not to show him at all, but they didn’t. This is a characterization choice.

So I know this is controversial but I do believe Ozai chose power over love (the opposite of Aang in The Guru). It’s also hinted at via Zuko’s idyllic memories of his childhood - of their family vacations on Ember Island. At one point, Ozai was willing to devote some effort to being a husband and a father, enough to take his family to his summer house and give Zuko a few happy memories with his father - the memories that he desperately clings to years later.

It could also maybe tie back to “what is wrong with that child?” i.e. Ursa not immediately recognizing that her husband was the problem. Maybe Ursa was unable to see how far he’d fallen because she remembered the person he used to be at the beginning of their marriage, and maybe this is also why she accepted to leave her children in his power and didn’t even warn Zuko about him or anything. The last thing she ever says to Zuko before leaving forever is “no matter how things may seem to change, never forget who you are” - she might be telling her son not to turn out like his father, if she feels like Ozai forgot who he was. These are all just possibilities though.

So I think that’s about it: what I can infer from the show about Ursa’s relationship with her husband and children. Before I conclude this post though, I also want to talk a little about Ursa’s family before her marriage, because I find this fascinating:

Ursa supports the war effort. I don’t think you can find a joke about burning Ba Sing Se to the ground funny unless you’re fully on-board with the Fire Nation’s imperialism. The writers didn’t have to show us this tidbit - it’s irrelevant to the rest of the episode - but they made a point of including it. It becomes even more interesting after we learn that Ursa descends from Roku and that Zuko didn’t know it. You don’t just forget to mention to your kids that they’re the Avatar’s great-grandchildren - this information was deliberately kept a secret. So there can be several possibilities:

Ursa wasn’t raised by Roku’s family i.e. she was raised by her other parent’s family, or she grew up in an orphanage, or she was adopted by some other folks. In this case, she might not feel any connection to Roku, if she even knows he’s her grandfather (Iroh knew but I don’t think this means we can irrevocably assume Ursa did too).

Ursa was raised by her family to support the war in spite of Roku’s position: this means that either Roku’s entire family basically disowned him and sided with Sozin, at least in appearance, or the family was divided in two with only one part rebelling against the throne.

Ursa was raised to support Roku, but she made up her own mind and decided she didn’t like being taught to hate her nation and Sozin was right, in spite of her family’s opinion.

Whatever the case, Ursa eventually just disappeared and no one seems to have made a fuss. So she either didn’t have any family left at that point, or she did but they were so alienated that they didn’t care, or she did but they were too utterly powerless to even demand an explanation.

[yes-these-obsessions-are-healthy]

WIP Wednesday 8/11/21

Had a writing stint where I pumped out 7K words in 3 days when I usually manage only..200-500 a week. Here’s some snippets of a WIP with my Gray-Ace Inquisitor Tallin and a very understanding Solas as they navigate her very first romantic/sexual feelings for anyone, ever (24 and never been kissed except that one time in the Fade, baby!!). She is a very nervous person by nature...

————-

Please just a crumb of feedback. A gif. An emoji. Please. I’m on my goddamn knees.

[snippet 1]

"Tell me 'no', and we can resume as we were without enmity. You are also at liberty to tell me to take my leave, in which case I hope to see you in the morning..." He stopped before her, drawn to his full height, head tilted slightly in a manner akin to a wolf intent on ascertaining a curious vision. “But if you choose for me to remain, you must decide once more. At your behest, I will gladly provide the chaste company of which you are so accustomed. We will sit. We will talk. We will read. We will retire in an exhausted fashion to bed. You will cozy up beside me like a nugling to its nestmate, content. But if you say 'yes', if you wish to learn how it is the wolves dance.." 

The light gray of his eyes suddenly darkened and his lips spread wide and sharp, rendering him impish, lupine. Tallin's heart lurched, but to her inner wonder it was not accompanied by a familiar queasy unease.  Her instincts were not screaming for her to bound away like a skittish halla from the man standing before her. Instead, the soft heat in her lower stomach flared like a bonfire given new life, its flames crawling up inside her chest, licking beneath her lungs. In the rare instances where someone looked at her in such a way--like she was something to be snatched up, like she was something edible--she retreated, recognizing that the individual had wordlessly marked her as prey.

Would it be so terrible to have him as her pursuer? That was what he was implying, wasn't he? That he had been observing her in that particular manner far longer than this emergent sense of craving.

What made it so different from the other times? What made his approach far less threatening?

The consideration, she realized. He is considerate.

If she was a halla, then he was a..a..

Her eyes flicked down momentarily in thought, landing on the dark jawbone hanging low over his chest from thin leather cords. 

And here and now, she realized she had always had her answer. He was a wolf. A wolf with a wistful man's soul.

Their method of courting until now, if it could be called that, had not been a simple 'chase'. No, the wolf had deigned not to pursue, for it recognized the halla did not wish to be hunted down. If this particular halla was ever compelled to bolt, it would not do so while also secretly relishing the idea of hot frantic breath on its heels or teeth sinking into its throat.

"..then with your blessing I will take you to your bed and claim everything you are, everything you are willing to give. I will unravel you as easily spun silk, uncover for us both your desires that remain unnamed."

He shifted and out of the corner of Tallin's eye, a shadow moved. His words had coiled her up like an Orlesian spring toy, promises that spoke of capitulation and submission and frightening loss. Her head felt hollow, her skin tight and brittle. The anxious fire in her chest roared in its hearth unabated.

Her breaths shallowed. This was happening. Everything was happening. He was describing the clumsy mental images she had been too cowardly and too embarrassed (and too confused) to acknowledge. All of this, everything, was happening too much and too fast. She knew nothing of his predilections. She knew nothing of what she wanted other than to be with him. Beyond the bare minimum for procreation, the stories of brutal violence inflicted upon elf women by peasants and nobles, and the confusing comments made in passing by the Iron Bull, she didn't know what to expect. 

If you speak it, you will make it real.

He raised his hand. She froze, spine taut. His expression gentled, edges shaved. The backs of his fingers stroked her cheek. "I will have you in the manner that a lover should. Gently. Sweetly."

As if he had woven a spell, Tallin gradually relaxed into the touch. It was not necessarily of her own volition, but she knew this. Nothing frightening ever came of this. This was familiar. Safe.

She heard Solas hum, thoughtful. "Yes, a gentle touch for a gentle girl. Would that please you?"

She swallowed, caught his hand and turned her head to press her lips against his hot palm. The world was silent for several moments. "W-Would you..?" She croaked. A question with many budding branches.

Would you..?

..be gentle?

..do all that you say?

..treat me kindly?

..love me?

Another step, and they were flush together. Her hand found his tunic and scrunched the material in her fist. As a precaution or an anchor she did not know.

He loomed over her fully now, both hands coming to cradle her face as if she were blown glass, gray sky eyes beholding her like Mother. Love. But now, also..

She offered no resistance when he tilted her head just so. He leaned in. His breath was scorching mint against the whorls of her ear.

"Yes. Until you can hardly stand it."

[snippet 2]

"You wish to-? Oh, 'ma'lath.." The tenderness in his voice made her eyes sting for but a moment.  The casual nature in which he extracted her hand from the half-hard presence pressing against breeches could not fully offset the surge of embarrassment she felt. As Solas busied himself with kissing the knuckles of her offending hand, she silently berated herself. Stupid, stupid, stupid!

"Tallin."

Tallin started. To her chagrin, she found Solas peering at her over her curled hand, his gaze firm and knowing. The internal self-abuse had been playing itself across her face.

She couldn't do this, she realized. She didn't know *how* to do this. He was trying to coach her through it but what if nothing stuck? What if she kept making mistakes, misreading signs? What if this was all a put-on for *her* sake? What if he didn't want her and was doing this to placate her, as he had so many other times? Lovers had to touch each other, she knew that much, and for him to except himself from this exercise, it reeked of...

"Tallin." His voice said through the dull ringing in her ears. "Tallin."

"Ir abelas." This was a mistake, a horrible mistake. She turned away, intent on rolling off the bed and..where would she go? She didn't know. The blood pounding in her ears was making it so difficult to *think*.

An arm wrapped around her waist as firm a steel band, digging into her stomach. She struggled half-heartedly, frustrated tears leaking from her eyes.

"S-Solas.." she protested.

"Tallin. Come back to me, my love." She shook her head and bit her lip to hold back a pathetic whimper. Not to deny him, but to help rid herself of the looming thoughts.

Selfish. This was selfish. 'I desire you, you desire me, but I demand that I take from you and give you nothing back.' That wasn't how it was supposed to go, was it? It didn't sound right.

But she was greedy for comfort. Always craving it.

[snippet 3]

"Shh, shh. No. You are not like most others. You were born with a heart that hungers endlessly for love, but eyes that cannot see that the source from which you drink remains full no matter how often you sip. It is your nature, but it can be tamed with practice. You can learn to ignore these pressing doubts, in time."

"I want to do this. I want to feel this burning, to learn where it might go, but.. I'm still nervous about..you, and where you..fit."

"That is not an uncommon concern, vhenan."

"So I've heard. But what if I never overcome it? What if it still..frightens me? If you accepted it--"

"--I would accept it." His tone was firm, almost indignant.

"--then it would only be me that was benefitting from this. It would only be me that was taking."

Solas barked a laugh, making Tallin jump.

When he finally settled, his grin had not abated--a full one that revealed straight white teeth and sharp canines, crinkled eyes that glowed with pure mirth.

Tallin lay there, confused and a bit put out, by her hahren's strange reaction.

"'Ma'vhenan, there is so much more to sex than that." He chuckled again, the sound decidedly doting. "You see yourself as taking advantage of me, of taking while offering nothing in return until you have used me all up, yes?" A reluctant nod. "But you have never considered to ask how I feel in all this?"

Tallin blinked.

"In matters of state you display exemplary feats of compassion and empathy, but in matters of the heart you are callous to yourself. You believe that sex is a matter of 'taking', but that is far too reductive for what this is.  Pleasure does not solely originate from taking or receiving. Giving is just as lucrative. In giving, I would be receiving your pleasure. The joy in giving a gift is to receive another's happiness, is it not?

"Y-Yes.."

"And do you not see that you are a gift to me?"

"I am?"

"Yes. Your trust that I will do right by you in this matter is a precious gift, one I will hold close to my heart. That you offer me the opportunity to teach you despite your lingering reservations is no small gesture."

[snippet 4]

"I love you." She said, muffled. "Ar lath ma."

"Lathan na. Bellanaris. Please understand that this is a request I must refuse. The time to learn of me will come later." At the familiar sight of Tallin's brow furrowing in confusion, he hummed, a serene enigmatic smile on his face as he cupped her inked cheek. He leaned in and planted an affectionate kiss upon her forehead before resting his against hers, peering into her puzzled brown eyes. "Tonight we are learning about you. This is your first experience not just with a man, but with pleasure. I will not risk overwhelming you with my wants when you have yet to determine what it is you yourself desire." Another kiss. "Slowly, 'ma'vhenan, slowly is best."

Sheepishly, "O-Okay, but I only wanted--"

He was quick to silence her with a kiss. "I know, I know, and you are so good to have offered." His voice dropped into a purr. "So good for me.." His mouth was on hers again, hot and surprisingly eager. Tallin's eyes widened, then fell closed at the familiar brush of his tongue against her lips. Thick honey-heat pooled beneath her skin; her hands found his shoulder and nape to instinctively pull him close as she obediently opened her mouth.

They clashed and fed upon each other's taste. She discovered his: sugar and..lemon. Lemon cake? It tasted good, a faint playful zing on her tongue.

Time and sense gradually slipped away with the air in her lungs. At some point he turned them both so she lay on her back. With his knees staked on either side of her, he could hover over her while avoiding making her feel trapped. Considerate, she thought with a burst of love, he is so considerate.

Solas was the first to pull away, and Tallin was only a little surprised that the soft noise of disappointment that she made at their parting didn't inspire any embarrassment in her.

What did make her blush furiously, though, was the show Solas made in how thoughtfully he licked his lips as he paused to catch his breath, grinning the whole time. "..mmh, an intriguing mystery."

Tallin didn't know if it was the lack of air or the wondrous nature of the kiss, but she couldn't connect the dots with what he was saying. "W-What?"

"The taste of you. I wonder what it could be. No, don't tell me." he clarified when she made a move to speak. He hummed to himself as his thumb rubbed the space beneath her lower lip, his grin simplifying into a satisfied smirk. Tallin felt another flare of heat radiate over her cheeks. "I will find out for myself soon enough."

And he descended upon her with his lips and tongue as fervently as before. She soon began to pant as she found herself once again suffocating on his sweet breaths. He seemed intent on fulfilling his promise. She could never have imagined a kiss to be this fierce, this hungry. He was devouring the very taste out of her mouth! And to her surprise she found she..liked it. She liked it as much as the soft and gentle kisses. Where those were affirming his devotion, these were confirmation that the desire she felt for him wasn't one-sided.

[pensofgrace]

Feminism Gone Wrong!

cene one Rose parked her black ride in front of her favourite restaurant, picked her bag, got out of her car. She adjusted her black body hug that speaks classy, executive, sexy, well marched with a luxury bag and watch, she matched in as beautiful as she can. Upon entering the restaurant, moving to their regular sit, she realised brandy was not present yet, shakes her head and sit. Rose: "this girl cannot fail to disappoint", she says while looking at few posts on Instagram. "let me see what her excuse will be today, maybe its flat tyre or traffic". She called on the waiter to give her regular drink. While rose was sipping her smoothie, a woman with nice curves walked in with all her glory, a well porshe girl with a simple dress of about $300. " before you run curses on me, babe the traffic was terrible, I couldn’t drive rough like those rough beard guys do", brandy says while sitting down, dropping her purse and phone on the table, she looks at rose smiling. " I was waiting for your majestic excuse already ma", she says not looking up, " so, you had a terrible traffic from vgc to chevron, hmmmm, impressing", she stops talking, looking up at brandy with a smirk on her face. Brandy looks away scratching her ears, " baby love, am sorry, I was watching spider man when you called that you were 5 minutes away, I totally forgot about our date”, giving her apology smile. " keep that love for them that sort for it, I knew you lied when you said you were out of your gate, I just knew it. You know what, lets just forget it, its your usual behaviour, am hooked forever. Brandy erupts into loud, mocking laughter, " am happy you know dear, we are stacked forever. So, you said you had something important to tell me, which could not be said over the phone or through mail". She says closing the joke atmosphere automatically, pulled up her serious wall up face. Now, it was brandy’s turn to look guilty, up in her mind she stated to think of how to present the matter, "o my God, how is brandy going to take this, am I being stupid and selfish right now, what if she breaks it with me, I don’t want to lose my best friend, really been together for five years. She shouldn’t be that angry right, what!!!, the oath, am in serious trouble right now, what if sheeeee…. "rose Philips", brandy voice erupted close to her nose, rose jerked back, " why did you scream my full name like that, common some respect", rose said trying to hide her anxiety. Brandy looked at her " look here I don’t have timed for your games, you went off for about five minutes, I ordered a drink just thinking about what could have been so big that you went so locked down", brandy sighed, smile and said " sweetie I love you, we are best friends, nothing can be so difficult you cant tell me, we are in this together, remember?, remember our promise to one another, no issue and problem coming between us, unless you’ve broken our oath, I mean you remember right", brandy took a sip of her drink, sit back and said, " well, I trust you that you wont break that, we decided on it together, no man making decisions for us. We are the independent woman baby! " brandy says laughing and jumping on her seat. Rose sits up straight, took a sip of her smoothie, she looked at brandy and continued the conversation. “, that’s why am here, you see... "what do you mean, our promise, babe you are scaring me", brandy jumped in. Rose breath in calmly them looked up to brandy. "brandy, please can you calm down, promise me you will let me explain, let me finish before you jump in’, brandy smiled and shake her head up and down while crossing her leg. " am all ears rose, feel free, tell me anything, we will solve this together". " okay, here it goes. You remember how much we suffered in the hand of men, how they treated and molested us, making us feel like we worth nothing, brandy, remember how drake used my skills and potentials to build himself to the top he his right now. Can you remember how we decided to never fall for any human being with a short hair, no breast to feed a baby and a

material to produce a baby, our decision to never be vulnerable or subject to a man, how we made that oath to be independent, an ability to depend on ourselves only, equality with men, {at this point rose was up in tears, not bothering to swipe it off, rose did not make any movement m, looking still, it feels as though she knows what this is about already, not ready to acknowledge and accept though}. "am sorry brandy but I can’t do this anymore, I can’t push this wanting, this desire for a help mate away anymore, brandy I can’t keep ignoring his care, his love, his realness, he loves me, and am not sorry to say I love him too". Rose stopped talking waiting for brandy’s comment after no response, she looked up to see rose giving her the betrayal eyes. She quickly spoke up. " brandy please, I didn’t mean too……. "rose from this day onward we are officially off, no need of arguing and trying to convince you, goodbye rose Philips". Brandy stood up dropped some thousands on the table, left without looking back. Rose dropped her head on the table and sobbed. SCENE TWO " hi baby, you miss me, matt kisses rose on the cheek, rose left her sitting position to assist matt with his attire. Rose: "how was your meeting, contract coming in", she looks at him with hope Matt: " well, am sorry to say babe, am not the most successful CEO in the world yet, but you are looking at the youngest successful CEO in Arica". Rose jumped on the bed, screaming yes! Yes! Yes! "you deserve it baby am so proud of you", she looks at him with a serious face, ‘ you complete me , you are my perfection’. Matt: " it’s the other way around love’. Rose:" let me drop to the kitchen, something special for a special man with a special achievement" Matt: " no baby, no stress for you, love, we are going out, a friend told me about a nice place, its new, very exclusive, executive and exotic" Rose: "funny, three e’s for a place" Matt: "actually the place is called three e’s" Rose: "okay, let me freshen up, give me 10" Matt: "no, make it 15, I won’t be done in 10, not as fast as you fox" Rose laughs, shaking her head " just like brandy". SCENE THREE Brandy stood near her office table, checking for a Particular important document her personal assistance should have documented properly, " stupid man, they never do any thing right, such a disappointment, what a waste of resources, I presume too". Her office door opened with no noise, " madam new couples are here, we got their details to be their first, should we give the the ultimate on the house service". Brandy: " next time you come into my office without permission, I will make sure you never get a job in Nigeria again, is that clear Patrick, idiot, now do that which is right, I will come down and greet them myself, get their table number for me. Make them comfortable". Brandy found the document, kept it ion her bag, checked herself in the mirror reapplied her lip stick. " Patrick, what table", she said with no smile " ma, its table 7, they are having a drink right nooo…… "shut up, I didn’t ask that, hmmmm 7, rose favourite number". Brandy walked down to table 7, upon getting their she discovered it was rose, she looked at her, full of annoyance and betrayal, left the table without a word, rose stood up immediately ran after her lost best fiend screaming her name, not minding the scene they were both creating. Rose: " brandy, please wait, please, its ben so long, hear me out. Brandy turned back sharply " I want no conversation with a person like you, enough!" Rose; " stop, just stop, okay can we talk, maybe not n ow, someday during the week, please, just please, I will drop my card with the receptionist. Will be waiting to meet up. I still love you". Rose turned making her way to her husband, she turned " by the way, nice restaurant, it has always been your dream, good work, brandy". Scene

four Brandy sit quietly at the corner of the restaurant, everywhere seems cool and fun. She sips her drink smirking at herself, at a little side up she could see matt chatting and laughing about something rose says. "stupid fool, let’s see if you will see something to laugh at by the end of the day" Brandy calls upon a waited for a refill, seeing matt standing up moving towards the rest room, she sends the waiter off standing up and walking towards matt’s direction. She waited for matt to come out of the gent, Brandy: hello to you too Mr matt, having a fun day" Matt: ohh, brandy you scared me, what’s up, you look good, didn’t know you were around" Brandy: you weren’t supposed to know, you brought this upon yourself though, what aaaaaa……. Matt: see brandy, I know you vexed with your bae, its wasn’t her fault, seriously, she told me about the oath and promise, I thought they were unreasonable first but after she told me about you and your past, I came to understand, but you see, you are a very beautiful girl…. Brandy; ohh, Mr matt, rose told you about my past right, lovely, I believe she told you about the gang rape too, how interesting my life story with Fred, I guess I have a better reason to do this. Brandy comes upon matt suddenly, knowing his head against the wall, after so many punches, she believed him to be dead. Brandy: no man, we promised no name, rose and our oath is mine. I hope the angels are willing to take you to hell for breaking two friends up with fake love, and I hope rose realise I just did her a good favour". Brandy adjust her cloth cleans her hand, heads back to her seat, calls for the waiter for a drink while she watches matt body being rushed out, with a devastated rose. SCENE FIVE rose knocks on brandy’s office door, enters and takes her seat, looking at brandy. Brandy: to what annoying honour do I hold this unexpected, unwelcome visit Mrs rose Chantel" After few second of no response from rose Brandy: am giving you 10 seconds to leave my office, or I will calllll…… Rose: why, why, why brandy. You hate me that much Brandy: well, I would have an answer to any why if I do know where the why is directed to Rose: you hate me so much, you angry about the oath but do you have to do what you did, almost killing my husband Brandy: almost, he’s not dead, what! That bastard isn’t dead, how come, how Rose: so, you won’t deny it, really brandy I never knew you were such a snake, well to disappoint your miserable life, he’s not, because he never deserved it. How could you, for what reason, because he loves me. Aint you suppose to be happy for me, happy for your best friend, what has gotten into you. Brandy; best fiend my foot, you lost that title months ago, you lied to me, betrayed me. Rose; then have you forgotten our promise to each other, forgiveness all the way, I could hand you over now to the police, but I won’t, I still love you brandy, you’ve always being sister, please stop all this. Just stop it. Brandy: just get out, I hate you liar, get out…… Brandy screams at rose, after rose left the office, brandy break down weeping SCENE SIX Brandy sit at the sitting room, watching the tv, news going on around the world obviously her mind seems outside the house, all in another world. After about a minute of leaking tears, she picks up her phone. Went to a number, typed a capital "AM SORRY". Switch off her phone and lays down. SCENE SEVEN Rose; " thanks for coming, although it took you extra two hours after you said you were close, guess you haven’t changed", smiling to brandy " I don’t have time for your nonsense chit-chat, why am in here, I got business to run’. Rose: " I love you, please never doubt that, what happened wasn’t planned, I didn’t even know I had gotten so far in, until he proposed, and I said yes. The feeling wont just go away, bran…… Brandy; " since when,

since when have you two been together, till the time you told me, since when rose, one month, two months, answer me!!!", she spoke up so angry Rose: "six-month brandy, babe, I was only joking around, I only planned to play him and make feel miserable, please, I love him". Brandy; "six, six, woah, six months, my best friend kept a secret from me, how many more do I need to know, you married, you got two kids in the cupboard’, Rose; ‘after you left, I lost it, couldn’t contact you, he stood with me, he was my comfort, he gave me happiness, we got married. I love him brandy and am not ready to leave him for anything". Brandy:" so why am I here, what do you want", Rose:" I want my best friend back, I want you to enjoy the happiness I do now, I need you to change your mentality about this feminism of a thing, please". Brandy: " so you want you change, why should I do that, give me reasons rose. Your love for a man made you leave me, common convince me your betrayal". Rose:" I accept, I betrayed you, but it was for a good thing, you are not happy brandy. I know that, I can see it in your face, just one chance, just a chance with a good man" "baby", she says holding a broken brandy’s hand, " please, a good man is what it takes, a good man won’t make you feel like a slave, like a servant, no he won’t want, he would want you as a helpmate, someone to complete him. Thank about it, no need to rush, just calm your heart, baby I need you to break that wall when that man comes, that responsible man with a good knowledge of how to treat a woman, okay, love”. Brandy kept to silence holding rose’s hand like her life depend on it. A lot was going through her mind, he wanted to talk but knew deep down the truth was been laid down flat. SCENE EIGHT ‘happy birthday brandy" "thanks so much for coming it’s a small party I guess, like I want, hmmm, rose is poking my eyes with invisible spears, wanting a speech, isoritte, here we go, thanks to God first, He made me special, am grateful to my parent for the prayers and support am 25 meh, so to rose, I love you more than life itself, you aint just a friend, you are my sister, days of fight and love, of arguing and convincing. Thanks for changing my mentality on some ideas I keep to heart, thanks for making me make the best decision, my life could ever need. Thanks love am happy for you, I appreciate you. To the man that wet through hell to get my heart, bros kudos to you mehn, guy you deserve some awards, thanks for not giving up on me, thanks for always running off to rose for ways to cool mu hot brain. I love you. Just mind you, no baby yet, let me enjoy my marriage first. And to all that…………….

cene one Rose parked her black ride in front of her favourite restaurant, picked her bag, got out of her car. She adjusted her black body hug that speaks classy, executive, sexy, well marched with a luxury bag and watch, she matched in as beautiful as she can. Upon entering the restaurant, moving to their regular sit, she realised brandy was not present yet, shakes her head and sit. Rose: "this girl cannot fail to disappoint", she says while looking at few posts on Instagram. "let me see what her excuse will be today, maybe its flat tyre or traffic". She called on the waiter to give her regular drink. While rose was sipping her smoothie, a woman with nice curves walked in with all her glory, a well porshe girl with a simple dress of about $300. " before you run curses on me, babe the traffic was terrible, I couldn’t drive rough like those rough beard guys do", brandy says while sitting down, dropping her purse and phone on the table, she looks at rose smiling. " I was waiting for your majestic excuse already ma", she says not looking up, " so, you had a terrible traffic from vgc to chevron, hmmmm, impressing", she stops talking, looking up at brandy with a smirk on her face. Brandy looks away scratching her ears, " baby love, am sorry, I was watching spider man when you called that you were 5 minutes away, I totally forgot about our date”, giving her apology smile. " keep that love for them that sort for it, I knew you lied when you said you were out of your gate, I just knew it. You know what, lets just forget it, its your usual behaviour, am hooked forever. Brandy erupts into loud, mocking laughter, " am happy you know dear, we are stacked forever. So, you said you had something important to tell me, which could not be said over the phone or through mail". She says closing the joke atmosphere automatically, pulled up her serious wall up face. Now, it was brandy’s turn to look guilty, up in her mind she stated to think of how to present the matter, "o my God, how is brandy going to take this, am I being stupid and selfish right now, what if she breaks it with me, I don’t want to lose my best friend, really been together for five years. She shouldn’t be that angry right, what!!!, the oath, am in serious trouble right now, what if sheeeee…. "rose Philips", brandy voice erupted close to her nose, rose jerked back, " why did you scream my full name like that, common some respect", rose said trying to hide her anxiety. Brandy looked at her " look here I don’t have timed for your games, you went off for about five minutes, I ordered a drink just thinking about what could have been so big that you went so locked down", brandy sighed, smile and said " sweetie I love you, we are best friends, nothing can be so difficult you cant tell me, we are in this together, remember?, remember our promise to one another, no issue and problem coming between us, unless you’ve broken our oath, I mean you remember right", brandy took a sip of her drink, sit back and said, " well, I trust you that you wont break that, we decided on it together, no man making decisions for us. We are the independent woman baby! " brandy says laughing and jumping on her seat. Rose sits up straight, took a sip of her smoothie, she looked at brandy and continued the conversation. “, that’s why am here, you see... "what do you mean, our promise, babe you are scaring me", brandy jumped in. Rose breath in calmly them looked up to brandy. "brandy, please can you calm down, promise me you will let me explain, let me finish before you jump in’, brandy smiled and shake her head up and down while crossing her leg. " am all ears rose, feel free, tell me anything, we will solve this together". " okay, here it goes. You remember how much we suffered in the hand of men, how they treated and molested us, making us feel like we worth nothing, brandy, remember how drake used my skills and potentials to build himself to the top he his right now. Can you remember how we decided to never fall for any human being with a short hair, no breast to feed a baby and a

material to produce a baby, our decision to never be vulnerable or subject to a man, how we made that oath to be independent, an ability to depend on ourselves only, equality with men, {at this point rose was up in tears, not bothering to swipe it off, rose did not make any movement m, looking still, it feels as though she knows what this is about already, not ready to acknowledge and accept though}. "am sorry brandy but I can’t do this anymore, I can’t push this wanting, this desire for a help mate away anymore, brandy I can’t keep ignoring his care, his love, his realness, he loves me, and am not sorry to say I love him too". Rose stopped talking waiting for brandy’s comment after no response, she looked up to see rose giving her the betrayal eyes. She quickly spoke up. " brandy please, I didn’t mean too……. "rose from this day onward we are officially off, no need of arguing and trying to convince you, goodbye rose Philips". Brandy stood up dropped some thousands on the table, left without looking back. Rose dropped her head on the table and sobbed. SCENE TWO " hi baby, you miss me, matt kisses rose on the cheek, rose left her sitting position to assist matt with his attire. Rose: "how was your meeting, contract coming in", she looks at him with hope Matt: " well, am sorry to say babe, am not the most successful CEO in the world yet, but you are looking at the youngest successful CEO in Arica". Rose jumped on the bed, screaming yes! Yes! Yes! "you deserve it baby am so proud of you", she looks at him with a serious face, ‘ you complete me , you are my perfection’. Matt: " it’s the other way around love’. Rose:" let me drop to the kitchen, something special for a special man with a special achievement" Matt: " no baby, no stress for you, love, we are going out, a friend told me about a nice place, its new, very exclusive, executive and exotic" Rose: "funny, three e’s for a place" Matt: "actually the place is called three e’s" Rose: "okay, let me freshen up, give me 10" Matt: "no, make it 15, I won’t be done in 10, not as fast as you fox" Rose laughs, shaking her head " just like brandy". SCENE THREE Brandy stood near her office table, checking for a Particular important document her personal assistance should have documented properly, " stupid man, they never do any thing right, such a disappointment, what a waste of resources, I presume too". Her office door opened with no noise, " madam new couples are here, we got their details to be their first, should we give the the ultimate on the house service". Brandy: " next time you come into my office without permission, I will make sure you never get a job in Nigeria again, is that clear Patrick, idiot, now do that which is right, I will come down and greet them myself, get their table number for me. Make them comfortable". Brandy found the document, kept it ion her bag, checked herself in the mirror reapplied her lip stick. " Patrick, what table", she said with no smile " ma, its table 7, they are having a drink right nooo…… "shut up, I didn’t ask that, hmmmm 7, rose favourite number". Brandy walked down to table 7, upon getting their she discovered it was rose, she looked at her, full of annoyance and betrayal, left the table without a word, rose stood up immediately ran after her lost best fiend screaming her name, not minding the scene they were both creating. Rose: " brandy, please wait, please, its ben so long, hear me out. Brandy turned back sharply " I want no conversation with a person like you, enough!" Rose; " stop, just stop, okay can we talk, maybe not n ow, someday during the week, please, just please, I will drop my card with the receptionist. Will be waiting to meet up. I still love you". Rose turned making her way to her husband, she turned " by the way, nice restaurant, it has always been your dream, good work, brandy". Scene

four Brandy sit quietly at the corner of the restaurant, everywhere seems cool and fun. She sips her drink smirking at herself, at a little side up she could see matt chatting and laughing about something rose says. "stupid fool, let’s see if you will see something to laugh at by the end of the day" Brandy calls upon a waited for a refill, seeing matt standing up moving towards the rest room, she sends the waiter off standing up and walking towards matt’s direction. She waited for matt to come out of the gent, Brandy: hello to you too Mr matt, having a fun day" Matt: ohh, brandy you scared me, what’s up, you look good, didn’t know you were around" Brandy: you weren’t supposed to know, you brought this upon yourself though, what aaaaaa……. Matt: see brandy, I know you vexed with your bae, its wasn’t her fault, seriously, she told me about the oath and promise, I thought they were unreasonable first but after she told me about you and your past, I came to understand, but you see, you are a very beautiful girl…. Brandy; ohh, Mr matt, rose told you about my past right, lovely, I believe she told you about the gang rape too, how interesting my life story with Fred, I guess I have a better reason to do this. Brandy comes upon matt suddenly, knowing his head against the wall, after so many punches, she believed him to be dead. Brandy: no man, we promised no name, rose and our oath is mine. I hope the angels are willing to take you to hell for breaking two friends up with fake love, and I hope rose realise I just did her a good favour". Brandy adjust her cloth cleans her hand, heads back to her seat, calls for the waiter for a drink while she watches matt body being rushed out, with a devastated rose. SCENE FIVE rose knocks on brandy’s office door, enters and takes her seat, looking at brandy. Brandy: to what annoying honour do I hold this unexpected, unwelcome visit Mrs rose Chantel" After few second of no response from rose Brandy: am giving you 10 seconds to leave my office, or I will calllll…… Rose: why, why, why brandy. You hate me that much Brandy: well, I would have an answer to any why if I do know where the why is directed to Rose: you hate me so much, you angry about the oath but do you have to do what you did, almost killing my husband Brandy: almost, he’s not dead, what! That bastard isn’t dead, how come, how Rose: so, you won’t deny it, really brandy I never knew you were such a snake, well to disappoint your miserable life, he’s not, because he never deserved it. How could you, for what reason, because he loves me. Aint you suppose to be happy for me, happy for your best friend, what has gotten into you. Brandy; best fiend my foot, you lost that title months ago, you lied to me, betrayed me. Rose; then have you forgotten our promise to each other, forgiveness all the way, I could hand you over now to the police, but I won’t, I still love you brandy, you’ve always being sister, please stop all this. Just stop it. Brandy: just get out, I hate you liar, get out…… Brandy screams at rose, after rose left the office, brandy break down weeping SCENE SIX Brandy sit at the sitting room, watching the tv, news going on around the world obviously her mind seems outside the house, all in another world. After about a minute of leaking tears, she picks up her phone. Went to a number, typed a capital "AM SORRY". Switch off her phone and lays down. SCENE SEVEN Rose; " thanks for coming, although it took you extra two hours after you said you were close, guess you haven’t changed", smiling to brandy " I don’t have time for your nonsense chit-chat, why am in here, I got business to run’. Rose: " I love you, please never doubt that, what happened wasn’t planned, I didn’t even know I had gotten so far in, until he proposed, and I said yes. The feeling wont just go away, bran…… Brandy; " since when,

since when have you two been together, till the time you told me, since when rose, one month, two months, answer me!!!", she spoke up so angry Rose: "six-month brandy, babe, I was only joking around, I only planned to play him and make feel miserable, please, I love him". Brandy; "six, six, woah, six months, my best friend kept a secret from me, how many more do I need to know, you married, you got two kids in the cupboard’, Rose; ‘after you left, I lost it, couldn’t contact you, he stood with me, he was my comfort, he gave me happiness, we got married. I love him brandy and am not ready to leave him for anything". Brandy:" so why am I here, what do you want", Rose:" I want my best friend back, I want you to enjoy the happiness I do now, I need you to change your mentality about this feminism of a thing, please". Brandy: " so you want you change, why should I do that, give me reasons rose. Your love for a man made you leave me, common convince me your betrayal". Rose:" I accept, I betrayed you, but it was for a good thing, you are not happy brandy. I know that, I can see it in your face, just one chance, just a chance with a good man" "baby", she says holding a broken brandy’s hand, " please, a good man is what it takes, a good man won’t make you feel like a slave, like a servant, no he won’t want, he would want you as a helpmate, someone to complete him. Thank about it, no need to rush, just calm your heart, baby I need you to break that wall when that man comes, that responsible man with a good knowledge of how to treat a woman, okay, love”. Brandy kept to silence holding rose’s hand like her life depend on it. A lot was going through her mind, he wanted to talk but knew deep down the truth was been laid down flat. SCENE EIGHT ‘happy birthday brandy" "thanks so much for coming it’s a small party I guess, like I want, hmmm, rose is poking my eyes with invisible spears, wanting a speech, isoritte, here we go, thanks to God first, He made me special, am grateful to my parent for the prayers and support am 25 meh, so to rose, I love you more than life itself, you aint just a friend, you are my sister, days of fight and love, of arguing and convincing. Thanks for changing my mentality on some ideas I keep to heart, thanks for making me make the best decision, my life could ever need. Thanks love am happy for you, I appreciate you. To the man that wet through hell to get my heart, bros kudos to you mehn, guy you deserve some awards, thanks for not giving up on me, thanks for always running off to rose for ways to cool mu hot brain. I love you. Just mind you, no baby yet, let me enjoy my marriage first. And to all that……………. One Rose parked her black ride in front of her favourite restaurant, picked her bag, got out of her car. She adjusted her black body hug that speaks classy, executive, sexy, well marched with a luxury bag and watch, she matched in as beautiful as she can.

‘happy birthday brandy"

"thanks so much for coming it’s a small party I guess, like I want, hmmm, rose is poking my eyes with invisible spears, wanting a speech, isoritte, here we go, thanks to God first, He made me special, am grateful to my parent for the prayers and support am 32 meh, so to rose, I love you more than life itself, you aint just a friend, you are my sister, days of fight and love, of arguing and convincing.

Thanks for changing my mentality on some ideas I keep to heart, thanks for making me make the best decision, my life could ever need. Thanks love am happy for you, I appreciate you.

oy my marriage first. And to all that…………….

[desiraypark]

Crowning (15)

“Highness”

Previous (“Lumi Dorcas”) Entire Series Content: Childbirth/labor - I have never given birth or even witnessed a childbirth, so I probably wrote this process terribly wrong lol. I did do my research, though. | Bonus: Also: warm/soft Kylo  Word Count: 1,742

Pain surged through your lower back and abdomen, making you grip the safety rails of your bed. You closed your eyes and rode out the ache. For the moment, ER-002 (formerly LR-001) was your only confidant. No parent, no sister or brother. Not even Tima or Ms. Silver.

After days of false alarms, you’d finally gone into labor around noon on a Centaxday. Kylo demanded that special rooms--labor and delivery--be set up for you in the med center, and they were. Everything about the space was nice and well-thought-out--you were certain that Kylo gave them a list. Various teas were available, an assortment of fragrances to spray into the air. Even one of the Trooper trainers made their nearby presence known, in case you wanted a massage. But you didn’t care about any of that. You just wanted this baby out of you.

Kylo came in after every meeting and every appointment to check on you. It was slightly annoying--he was uncharacteristically overcautious--treating you like precious glass, but you said nothing of it. You only chimed in when he unnecessarily scolded Dr. Sunev or the other medical staff--or even ER-002. He came in after the final meeting of the day, sweaty and smelling of salt, garlic, and every being he stood within a foot of. He snatched his helmet off, put it on the credenza with the teas and fragrances and other fancy stuff made available, and rushed to your side.

“ER, you may stand outside,” he said. ER nodded and stepped out of the room. Then, Kylo rubbed your sweaty forehead. He looked around the room.

“Do they need to turn the air up?”

“I’m fine,” you answered. “But can you please find a refresher and wipe yourself down a little? Your scent is going to make me vomit.”

Kylo’s jaw fell lax--you were rarely so blunt with him. But he nodded and left the room. He rushed back in with his robe over his arm. He tossed it on the chair beside your bed and sat at your side. Now, he smelled of fresh soap and old sweat. 

“Have you eaten, Sweet Girl?” he asked, rubbing your belly.

“Very little,” you answered. You winced as another contraction surged through you. Kylo’s head shot up and his eyebrows furrowed. You grabbed his shoulder.  “I’m not supposed to eat, Kylo,” you said. “Not anything heavy.” “Oh...” he mumbled. He relaxed his body and continued rubbing circles around your belly, and the pain subsided. You stared at his hand--so large, so calloused. 

“Why do you call me Sweet Girl?” you asked.  He looked at you and shrugged. “Just seems fitting.” He averted his eyes. You knew he was lying. 

“Fitting how?” you asked. 

He stared down at your belly and kept rubbing it. “Because your pussy is sweet.”

Your hand flew to his chin and you pulled his face in your direction. “Your child is doing acrobatics in my belly and you are lying tenderly by my side. I want to hear something nice right now.” Kylo stared into your eyes, noting your seriousness. He looked back down at his hands over your bump--letting your soft but firm flesh melt under his skin. Only your flesh and blood separating him from the touch of his firstborn child. 

“Because that’s just what you are...” his hand traveled up your belly and rested over your sternum. Then, it slid over to your left breast--over your beating heart. “Beautiful and kind. Sweet.”

_____________________

At about one in the morning, you were taken to the delivery room. Kylo held your hand as you strained and pushed and screamed. He wiped your sweat and told encouraged you with a “good job” here and a “that’s right, Sweet Girl”, there. Suddenly, you started to cry because of the pain, and Kylo snapped. 

“WHAT IS TAKING SO LONG?!” he shouted at Dr. Sunev and the nurses. They jumped, and you noticed them starting to move faster.

“Kylo, the baby isn’t just going to fly out!” you yelled at him. “You’re not pushing a damn thing out, so shut the fuck up!”

Everyone froze when you yelled, as did he. He swallowed and rested his forehead against the side of your head. “I’m sorry, my Love…”

He squeezed your hand. “I don’t like seeing you like this.”

“Emperor, I hope that it pleases you to know that I can see the head,” Dr. Sunev said. “Empress, just a couple of more pushes, and your baby is here. Breathe…”

You exhaled through your mouth. 

“Push…”

You pushed and screamed.

“Again, breathe…” she instructed. You breathed. “Push for me…”

Who would have thought that something that felt so good to create, would come out of you feeling like fire?

Dr. Sunev smiled. “One more, Empress Ren. Breathe…”

You pushed the air from your lungs. “And...push…”

You gave a final push and heard the high pitched cries. The sound made you burst into more tears. You threw your head back and let the salty drops roll down your face and into the creases of your neck. A bloody, messy baby was placed upon your chest. It’s was small, wrinkly, and had dark peach fuzz on its head.

“Princess Ren,” Dr. Sunev said.

Kylo was rubbing your shoulder. You looked up at him and smiled. He leaned forward and kissed on the lips, and looked back down at his baby girl. A nurse came over to take her.

“Let’s get her cleaned up, your Eminence,” he said. You nodded as he took the little one from your chest. You looked at Kylo again and smiled. He pressed his forehead against yours and pressed another kiss to your lips. Suddenly, you felt another sharp pain in your lower body and...movement? You pushed Kylo away and winced.

“Doc?!” you asked wide-eyed.

Dr. Sunev smiled and the nurses gathered back around. 

“Empress, I want you to relax yourself and take your breaths,” she said. “Number two is coming.” Kylo burst into laughter and fell over you again, rested his forehead against yours. Then, you laughed, too.

“We said we didn’t want to know, right?” he mumbled in your ear.  “Never again,” you said, shaking your head with amusement and disbelief. “Never again.”

____________________

Six Hours Later

Kylo turned down a cot and opted to sleep in the chair beside your bed--between you and the twins in their bassinets. You stared down at him--strands of his hair rested against your arm. Then, you ran your fingers through his hair. As you felt the strands at your finger tips, your mind drifted. You looked at your babies and imagined your parents holding them. Cooing at them. You shook the thoughts from your head and looked back down at Kylo’s hair--your fingers going through it. 

Suddenly, one of the babies started crying--and you knew which one. For you’d quickly learned to distinguish their cries. Kylo jumped awake and looked at the bassinets. He helped you sit up, then he grabbed the crier. You held your little one in your arms, pulled out your breast, and fed it. 

Then, you looked up at Kylo.

“Almost time for the morning meeting,” you said softly.

He looked up at the clock, then back down at you.

“Go get some fresh air,” you said. You raised your eyebrows. “And take a shower, please.”

Kylo let out a wry laugh and nodded. He kissed your forehead, then the baby’s forehead. Then, he leaned over the second bassinet to kiss the second born--opposite the firstborn, it had a full head of raven hair. The sight made him chuckle with glee several times when it came out, and he chuckled at the sight once more. He gave your forehead another kiss, grabbed his robe, and walked toward the door.

“Grab a nurse for me, Kylo,” you said.

He nodded and turned around. 

“Kylo,” you called to him. He whirled around again and you took a deep breath--contemplating if you wanted to say the words.

“You have a beautiful laugh, My Love...”

The corners of his mouth twitched and he pressed his lips together, fighting the smile. He just nodded.  “Thank you,” he said. He grabbed the door handle and walked out.

When you’d come down from the pain of childbirth and the anxiety of your babies’ health, you were able to remember the nurses’ names. Nurse Praro was the one who placed your babies on your chest. He soon walked in with a smile.

“You’re still here Nurse Praro?” you asked.

He laughed. “I know it’s probably felt like an eternity, but I haven’t been here long Empress Ren.”

“I just need you to help me switch when she’s done,” you said.

“Yes, your Eminence.”

He walked over to the bassinet and smiled at the baby looking up at him. “Good morning to you too, your Highness.”

“Good Morning, members of the Final Order,” Tima’s voice blasted throughout the room, and surely all over the base. “Emperor and Empress Ren are pleased to announce that the Final Order now has a Princess...and a Prince. Princess Vaeda was born a quarter to two, and Prince Karlos moments after. We are to address the new members of the Ren legacy as Her Highness, and His Highness. Princess, and Prince...”

Your heart skipped a beat. You’d finally become used to being an “Empress”. Now, you had to get used to the idea that your children weren’t just Vaeda and Karlos, but Princess and Prince. Her and his Highness. It scared you, but thrilled you just as much. 

“...mother and children are happy and healthy. Neither are to be disturbed with visits or gifts for a week.”

You scoffed and rolled your eyes. “I didn’t tell him to say that.”

Nurse Praro laughed. “I would have to agree with the Emperor, your Eminence. You’ve just given birth to two children. Future leaders of the galaxy. You need your rest.”

____________________ The officers of the Final Order congratulated Kylo before and after their morning meeting. Then, they went about their day. Kylo walked out of the conference room and strolled down through the corridors, on his way to the droid department. For weeks, he’d noticed a particular Stormtrooper avoiding him. Turning off into a room or an office when he came down the corridor; avoiding his gaze, despite their darkened masks. When Kylo neared the droid department, he walked past the trooper again and allowed himself to feel a sudden surge of guilt...

[whimsandvanillalattes]

"You?" (Part 2)

Pairing: Kwon Jiyong (G Dragon) x Reader

Genre: Soulmate AU, Romance, a dash of fluff

Soulmate AU Prompt: Soulmates have identical counters that count the number of times they have passed their soulmate.

Part: 2/?

Part 1 | Part 3

Alternatively titled: Y/N and GD think too much.

A/N: Thank you everyone who read the first part and everyone who liked/left comments/reblogged. It means the world to me. Also, I’m so so sorry for not updating sooner. As an apology, accept this really long part! Another thing I want to add is that I’m more used to writing OC stories rather than reader centered ones. I really tried to make Y/N gender neutral but for some reason I couldn’t make that work. I’m really sorry about that too. Please bear with a Fem!Y/N here. For my next story, I’ll definitely make a gender neutral Y/N.

-

You swore under your breath as you veered around an elderly couple. You had overslept and if you didn’t reach the train station in another minute, you were going to be late for class. You lived at the university dorms so you had never really been late before. But you and one of your best friends had had a sleepover at your other best friend’s house and last night had been spent binge watching Lee Jong Suk’s dramas (in honor of his enlistment, and because you just loved him). Unlike you, they didn’t have morning classes so now they were sleeping soundly at home while you were just hoping you reached class before your professor.

Luck was not in your favor though, because you encountered one of the largest crowds you had ever seen (and you had seen a lot, considering how much of your free time you spent going to music shows and fan meets) at a little distance from the station. You saw some people taking pictures and, while you were offended on behalf of their center-of-attention whose privacy was being invaded, a part of you was tempted to stop and see which idol or actor was causing this commotion—you were sure it was either of the two because that was the only logical explanation. But your professor’s angry face appeared before your eyes, and you seriously wanted to not fail, so you pushed through the crowd and got to the station.

About ten minutes into your journey, your phone began to vibrate. Intensely. You pulled it out of your pocket and saw a ton of notifications. Most were from twitter, accompanied by a single one from a tabloid. You clicked on that, figuring it would make more sense than the frenzy of tweets. The headline read:

BIGBANG’S G-DRAGON spotted enjoying his military leave with his sister.

The article went on to say that he had “attracted a lot of attention.” So GD was on a leave? And so-called fans and paparazzi—or should you say Dispatch—wouldn’t even let him relax on his break. Now, you wouldn’t call yourself a VIP, but you had been listening to K-pop since you learnt the language and regarded BIGBANG as one of K-pop’s legendary groups. You could sing along to most of their songs and many of their solos (maybe you should call yourself a VIP). Which made you not exactly happy about how GD was being treated.

The tabloid article also had pictures. Dispatch is fast, you thought. He was wearing a black mask and a cap, so his face was barely visible. It was surprising how anyone had managed to recognize him. But then again, you had recognized him in the photos immediately so it wouldn’t have been hard for longtime VIPs to do the same. Taking a closer look at the photos, you noticed something strange. His surroundings looked familiar. Two years of living in Seoul had made you quite well-acquainted with the city and with a start, you recognized his location. The crowd you had just encountered had been caused by him.

The fangirl inside you freaked out. You had walked right past THE G-Dragon. A part of you cursed yourself for wanted to be a good student and not stopping, while another part tried to convince you to get off the train at the next station and run back. The more rational part of you, however, curbed all these stupid ideas. Enough people had swarmed him already without you joining them. Besides, you had a class to get to.

Scrolling through the comments, you were in the midst of adding one of your own to rebuke Dispatch for invading his privacy and making him uncomfortable when something on your wrist caught your eye and you almost dropped the phone. Setting it down on your lap, you turned your wrist over.

And gasped.

The 0 you were accustomed to seeing on the inside of your right wrist was not there. In its place was a cursive 1.

-

You ended up skipping the first class, not because you didn’t reach the university on time, but because you spent about half an hour in the toilet bawling your eyes out. You had finally passed the boy you had wanted to meet your entire life. Only, you had simply passed him, without even realizing it. What were the odds of meeting the guy you passed only once in your two years in Seoul, especially when you had passed each other at or around a busy train station? You weren’t one to be pessimistic usually, but it was frustrating how you moved to an entirely different country for your soulmate, but you hadn’t even been able to find out what said soulmate looked like.

Your bad (awful) day didn’t end after that. Sleep deprivation combined with narrowly missing your soulmate lead to a terrible mood and a terrible headache, you learnt, and you were not able to concentrate in any of your classes. So, several consecutive classes later, you had a clear plan in your head. You were going to crash onto your bed in the dorm and catch up on at least a bit of the sleep you had forsaken for Lee Jong Suk. You would worry about your soulmate when you were thinking straight.

Naturally, you forgot to set your alarm.

For the second time that day, you overslept. This time you were running late for work. Unlike class, you had been late for work several times and knew that your manager would absolutely kill you if you were late again. So, you got dressed in a frenzy, almost left all the lights switched on, and, for the second time that day, you ran for your life.

You reached the coffee shop you worked at ten minutes after your shift started and thankfully your manager thought a warning glare was enough punishment. You hurried to the employees’ room at the back of the shop and changed into your uniform. A quick peek in the mirror informed you that you looked like a mess. Your dark circles had somehow intensified and your hair resembled a bird’s nest, courtesy of the fact that you hadn’t bothered to brush it. It was frustrating how this was what you looked like the day your soulmate showed up (though you were sure he hadn’t noticed you either). You pulled it back into a ponytail in a measly attempt to tame it. While it was not the most effective, at least now you looked less like a homeless sleep deprived person and would gladly face your soulmate if he showed up at the coffee shop. Which was next to impossible, because he had never come here in the two years you had been working here.

The smell of coffee began to put your mind at ease once you settled down at the counter. As you prepared two teenage girls’ orders—a strawberry shake and an iced americano (totally contrasting drinks, you mentally noted)—you fell into a sort of routine, unlike the events of the morning. That put you in a comparatively comfortable state of mind and your thoughts finally began to align themselves. Usually, you kept a novel or a textbook with you during your shift but having very conveniently forgotten to bring anything with you afforded you the opportunity to think of your soulmate—who hadn’t really left your mind all day anyway. Maybe he took the morning train from that station everyday and you hadn’t ever crossed him before because that was not your usual route? You often stayed at your friend’s house, so you had taken trains from that station many times though. Had the timing always been wrong? Or had your soulmate recently moved to Seoul? Was he from another city? Busan? Daejeon? Pyongyang, North Korea?

A loud grumbling sound broke your train of thoughts. With a start, you realized it had ensued from your stomach. The only thing you had consumed the entire day was a cup of coffee and some cookies you had found in your bag. You were starving. A particular red velvet cupcake, with cream cheese frosting, had caught your eye and was enticing you to have it. The only customer in the shop was seated at a table by the window, typing away at his laptop. He had been like that for about an hour, his now cold coffee abandoned on the table. You could afford a snack break, then. There was at least one perk of working at a place that had food. You retrieved cupcake and quickly punched yourself a receipt which included the 20% employees’ discount, adding the due amount to the cash register. You settled down on a stool and indulged in a bite of the heavenly cupcake (that you enjoyed more than you normally would because of the lack of food in your system).

The bell above the door rang, and you tried to swallow it down so that you could greet the new customer. You glanced towards the door and nearly choked on said cupcake. Walking towards the counter, wearing a black hoodie and the same cap he was wearing in the picture you had seen earlier but having somehow lost the mask, was Kwon Jiyong. Aka GD. Aka G-Dragon.

What? How? What is he doing here? Is it really him? But-

Incoherent half-thoughts ran through your mind, but the gist was wondering why he was here of all places. Was it because this particular coffee shop was not in a mainstream area? Or had he suddenly craved coffee and had been tempted by the fact that there was only one other customer?

You were able to regain some of your composure and uh, not choke by the time he got to you. Your manager’s hawk eyes were on you and you could not afford to appear unprofessional, no matter how much you wanted to squeal and ask this man for an autograph. He probably noticed that you knew who he was though because a wide smile appeared on his face and you nearly melted in a puddle (Be professional, Y/N! you scolded yourself internally.) Either that, or he had found your almost-choking antic amusing. Possibly both.

“Good evening, sir!” At least your voice hadn’t betrayed you.

“Hello,” he said, raising his eyebrows. “Your Korean pronunciation is pretty good.”

“Oh, thank you.” A blush threatened to appear on your face. “I’ve been living in Seoul for a while.” And I’ve been learning Korean for more than a decade, you decided to not add.

He ordered an iced Americano and you began to prepare it for him. Unlike with most customers, you felt extra nervous, mainly because you could feel his eyes following you. You were just hoping not to mess up.

“You know,” he began, “I thought you would ask me for an autograph. I know you recognized me.”

Whoops, busted!

You smiled. “I want to, but my manager would kill me if I do, so I can’t.” Conversing with him had seemed like a hurdle two seconds ago but now that he had initiated conversation, it was just…natural. As if talking to Kwon Jiyong was the most normal thing in the world and something you had been doing your entire life.

He chuckled. “You’re that scared of him?”

“I can’t afford to lose this job,” you said, shrugging as you handed him his drink. You had never seen him in person before, and you were a pretty big fan of his, but after your initial shock, you couldn’t help but wonder at how comfortable you felt talking to him. It was strange because you were the kind of person who could never be completely relaxed talking to an ordinary person for the first time, much less talking to an idol.

“I guess I can give it to you the next time I come here, then.”

Now that was something that made you almost freak out. “You’re going to come here again?” you asked. It was hard to mask the excitement on your face, and he seemed to find that very amusing. At least, that was what you inferred from the wide gummy smile that adorned his face, and you couldn’t help thinking of how cute it looked.

He took a sip from his drink. “Well, the coffee’s good,” he grinned, “So yeah, I am.” His phone buzzed and he glanced at the screen.

“I need to go now.” He stepped back from the counter. “See you next time.”

“Bye!” you called out. He waved at you over his shoulder as he opened the door and for some reason you were waving back, not caring that your manager was rolling his eyes at you.

*

“Oh, sit down already!” your roommate and one of your best friends, Soo-jin, whined. You rolled your eyes as you plopped down on your bed next to Min-ji, your other best friend.

“Okay, now spill,” Min-ji ordered. You had briefly told them what happened the entire day and they had deemed it too important to discuss in the morning, so the three of you were now gathered at your dorm room. Min-ji was the friend whose house you had had a sleepover at the previous night. She had decided to stay at your and Soo-jin’s room that night so you could talk peacefully.

“What do I start with, GD or soulmate?”

“GD!” they cried in unison. Both of them had been BIGBANG fans since they were kids. You told them how you had seen a crowd in the morning which had turned out to be because of him, and then how he had showed up at your workplace. When you finished, they just stared at you for a second.

“Woah,” Min-ji breathed out finally. “You’re so damn lucky.”

“But he is so sweet!” Soo-jin exclaimed. The fangirling was starting now. “He even asked if you wanted an autograph.”

“I know right. And telling her that he’d come again!” Min-ji was almost squealing now. She looked at you. “How did you even survive it?”

“I almost didn’t. I’m just glad I didn’t totally freak out and left a, you know, terrible impression.” You shrugged. Now that you thought of it, it was odd that he had talked to you at all. Hadn’t he been ambushed by enough fans already for one day? He knew you knew who he was, so why talk to you any more than necessary? In any case, the three of you discussed (err, fangirled over) him a little longer before Min-ji remembered you had another important matter to discuss.

“What about your soulmate, though?” she asked. “When did you pass him?” Both of your friends had already found their soulmates. Min-ji’s happened to be her neighbor so they had known each other almost their entire lives. Soo-jin’s soulmate was one of your seniors and they had met a little after she started university.

“My counter changed to one in the morning.” You leaned back into a pillow. “I noticed when I was on the train. We probably crossed on the station, or when I was rushing to it.” You sighed. If only you had been paying more attention to your surroundings, you would have met yours too.

“Hey, what if your soulmate’s one of those Dispatch photographers?” Soo-jin exclaimed. You snorted.

“Dispatch? Seriously?” You rolled your eyes at her. You could always count on your friends to find all sorts of weird ways to cheer you up.

“That’s totally possible, though,” Min-ji added, playing along. “Didn’t you say he’s older than you?”

“You’ll have to start stalking Dispatch’s professional stalkers!”

“That might actually end up being a good thing.” You laughed. “I’d know all the latest gossip.”

Min-ji nudged you with her foot. “Show us your counter.” You thrust your wrist towards them. They promptly gasped, as you had expected them to. Your friends tended to be quite dramatic too.

“I know,” you began, “it is surprising. I was so shock—”

“Y/N,” Min-ji interrupted, “when did you last check your counter.”

“When I was leaving for work, I think. Why?”

“Well, it’s not Dispatch, for sure,” Soo-jin whistled.

“What?”

“Look at it again.”

You did, and you gasped too. Your wrist didn’t say 1 anymore. Now it read 2.

-

To say that Jiyong was confused would be an understatement. He was far beyond confusion. He was conflicted in the worst possible way. His entire day had been…chaotic. It hadn’t entirely been bad—he had experienced intense excitement and adoration at one point—but it had not been an ideal way to spend his break. Even trying to make sense of everything that had happened made his head throb.

When he had managed to disengage himself from the swarm of paparazzi at the station, he noticed that the counter that had read 0 for the past 20 years suddenly read 1. He had always imagined he would be overjoyed at this occasion. Strangely, he hadn’t been anywhere near overjoyed. He had become too used to living as if he had no soulmate. The discovery that not only did he have one, but that his soulmate was very close was a change he hadn’t seen coming, and it was not entirely welcome. And, he had to admit, he was also frustrated because he had only passed his soulmate, rather than actually meeting.

He had decided he needed coffee to clear his head and had taken great pains to find a place where he could get it without attracting public notice (again). At least, he had thought that was his consideration. But, in hindsight, it could have been the soulmate pull. They did say it worked in strange ways. How else could he, out of all the coffee shops in Seoul, have ended up at the one his soulmate worked at? Crossing her once in a day could be a coincidence but meeting her again in the span of some hours could most certainly not be one. In any case, he had winded up at her workplace. There, he had encountered a cute, albeit quite young, foreign part-timer who knew him, he had realized immediately. After the rough morning, he should have bolted but something had compelled him to stay. And he had discovered that the part-timer was fun to talk to.

He hadn’t realized she was his soulmate until he got back to his car and his manager pointed out that his counter had changed again. That was when things had begun to click in his head and the reason talking to her was fun started to become clear. He had been tempted to run back inside and tell her this new turn of events. But that had been accompanied with thoughts of rejection that held him back, and he had felt suffocated beneath a variety of emotions. Instead, he had told his manager to drive on.

That was why he was currently lying on his living room couch, a steaming bowl of ramen he suddenly did not want to eat abandoned on the mahogany table in front of him and all the lights expect the one in the hallway switched off. The atmosphere was gloomy, but he liked it better that way; it was a perfect representation of his inner turmoil. Her eyes, wide with excitement and surprise as they had been when he had mentioned coming again, seemed to be permanently etched in his brain. Now that he had uncovered her identity, the pull felt even stronger. His entire being was craving her. And she had moved to Seoul, so that would mean she was looking for her soulmate too. Had she put two and two together yet and realized she was actually looking for him?

But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t shake off the doubts. He had gotten his counter when he was ten, so that would mean she had to be twenty. He had always known about the age gap, so it didn’t really bother him. It wasn’t like she was a minor or anything. But was she okay with it? All her knowledge about her soulmate came from whatever he had first said after she was born. He didn’t even remember what he had said. He just hoped it wasn’t something stupid. In any case, the most she could have inferred from that would be that he was a Korean man a few years older than her. There was a big difference in being a few years older and around ten years older. And did she even want him as her soulmate? His life hadn’t really been a pure, sinless, scandal-free one. She probably knew about that.

And most importantly, he didn’t like the pull. His mind was sort of sick of the effect the bond was having on him. It wasn’t her fault, but it made him want to avoid her at all costs.

What was he to do now? Go to her the next day? Or pretend his counter still said 0? Coming to a conclusion was not easy. He told himself to wait until his enlistment was over and then approach her. If she wanted to find him, she wouldn’t leave before she did. But even when eventually he drifted into a light, troubled slumber, he had not managed to convince himself.

[ramblingguy54]

Amphibia’s Season 1 Finale: An Emotionally Charged Climax Of Brilliance

For those who haven’t watched Amphibia yet, or are only halfway through the series, I’d highly recommend not reading this post on the events of Season 1′s finale. This is an episode that should be experienced blind, rather than having it spoiled for yourself, unless you really don’t mind at all whatsoever.

No matter how many times I’ve re-watched Amphibia Season 1 on Disney+, I gotta say its finale was easily up on my list of top moments from animation back in the 2010′s. Amphibia starts off with some pretty simple straightforward slice of life stuff throwing in a nice mix of drama and comedy. Although, as the series has progressed, Amphibia’s storytelling makes it clear we’re in for a bigger shift with dramatic writing once Season 2 rolls around in the future. This last episode of Season 1, Reunion, gives me the impression it could very likely be transitioning into heavier stuff, like Gravity Falls did, when it’s second outing steps up to the plate eventually. Season 1′s finale has seriously impressed me with what it managed to accomplish in its themes that were set up as early as its first episode. We finally get more insight into what Anne’s daily routine with Sasha must’ve been like before she was suddenly dropped into this crazy lovable world of anthropomorphic frogs. What I really appreciate about this backstory is it reels us in just enough with seeing Anne and Sasha’s chemistry. It doesn’t do a big exposition dump about what good friends they are, rather Amphibia just simply shows us first hand. From the get go it’s made crystal clear that Anne and Sasha are very close, seeing how Sasha stands up for Anne when someone tries to steal her food on a special day no less.

Or else you can forget about coming to my awesome house party next week.

Happy Birthday, girl!

Like, extremely close given how happy these two are to see each other. Anne & Sasha’s interaction here is safe to say they go way back before their current school year. Almost as if, they’ve known each other since they were younger.

“Sasha’s been my friend since Kindergarten. If she says it’s fine. It’s fine.”

Anne’s piece of dialogue here makes it evident how much she cares/trusts about Sasha as an individual. Even enough to allow her in doing morally questionable stuff highlighted with this brief montage spotlighting Anne’s passive behavior towards Sasha’s dangerously impulsive attitude. Time and time again Anne willingly goes along with Sasha’s mentality of, “Do whatever we want.”,  because in her eyes that’s what being best friends is all about. Giving the other what they want regardless of the moral implications around whatever their actions are. Not to mention, when you take that into account that Anne has been around Sasha since preschool, it’s equivalent to putting your foot down on a family member. Anne doesn’t want to hurt Sasha, considering she’s like the sister Anne never had, being an only child and all. That further establishes emotional weight for something Anne fears to lose out on, which Sasha takes advantage of greatly.

Anne, this isn’t cute anymore. We’re meeting up with Marcy right now! End of discussion...

“Heh! She’s persuasive, right?”

Look, if a friend likes a pencil case, you get it for them. If your friend likes your new shoes, you give them to her. And if her friend wants you to steal a crazy music box from a thrift store, even if you really don’t want to, you do it okay? Because if you don’t, they might not want to be your friend anymore...

Sasha’s serious verbal abuse has made Anne completely twist around the very concept of what a healthy friendship basically is, overall. For whatever the reason at some point, be it the very school environment they both grew up in or personal family issues, Sasha has become an extremely toxic influence on Anne’s important decision making and it painfully shows here in her self-esteem. This kid has made it second nature for herself to never be honest when a friend is doing something that she internally deems highly questionable in moral terms, since she’s so afraid of permanently losing those who claim to care about her own well being. Anne believes it to be a “golden rule” that if you’re openly honest with your close friends, it will only lead to failure in a nutshell. This is honestly one of the strongest elements of Amphibia’s storytelling on how it explores the human condition of real friendship. It’s not sunshine and rainbows, but an honest reflection of who you are as a person. Those you choose to let into your life for better influencing yourself, also reveal your true nature as an individual. These particular lines from the episode, Flood, Sweat, and Tears, sets the mood into motion that vital theme its story centers itself around.

Sharing a room doesn’t make you best friends. Being honest with each other does! 

In fact, if you ask me, you’re better friends now than you were before.

Seeing how greatly Amphibia explored this statement means a lot to me, since I myself have struggled with passive aggressive behavior plenty with my own friends. There were social experiences I went through in my childhood that made me bottle up how I genuinely feel a lot, so being honest with my own circle of close friends was a serious challenge for me. While I have come a long way in the improvements of being more honest with my pals whenever something is bothering me, it’s still a never ending struggle I deal with on a daily basis, considering it’s much like second nature to me. This significant moment hit all the right chords for me in showing that beauty of human connections, by taking the good and bad people can experience in dealing with their own differences.  Anne’s journey to better understand what real friends are and stand up for herself is a very empowering one to see occur, as she continues to come out of her shell, while putting her foot down when more immoral shit starts to hit the fan. Another giant step forward for her own independence comes to light in the tenth episode, Toad Tax, when Anne wanted nothing more than to be respected by the towns folk, instead of being openly called a monster and getting severely alienated for it, too. Which, again, it really shows just how much Sasha’s manipulation has had a grip on Anne, given she first thought that by joining the Toad force that she’d garner their respect. However, that idea was nothing more than a deeply shallow belief, which would’ve made the town more afraid of her rather than love and accept her. 

All I wanted was this town’s respect, but just because these people treated me crumby, doesn’t mean I’m gonna do the same to them. I’m done with this. I don’t care if they’ve broken the law, you can’t treat people like this!

In a very jarring contrast to Anne, Sasha is a more two faced individual with her own motive for getting herself, Anne, and Marcy back home by any means necessary. To put it bluntly and harshly, Sasha is a real bitch hilariously to the point where she is the sole reason why Grimes minions become more competent, due to throwing out fake compliments to help their lack of motivation, since his intensity as their ruthless leader was backfiring greatly. It’s priceless to see a villain’s cold blooded behavior ironically be a big detriment to their rule of power, as other works of fiction have shown it to a “positive” influence on their minions, where a teenage cheerleader blonde archetype has to patch things up.

You lot are without a doubt the most useless group of toads I have ever seen!

Just try saying nice things for a change. Get them to love you and they’ll do anything for you.

That actually works?

Ooooh, it works alright. Trust me.

Sasha’s already cold and calculating manipulation is influenced in return by Grimes heartless nature. Sasha & Grimes combined make for a deadly combination for one Hell of antagonistic duo, but that’s not to say this series doesn’t add layers to this complicated girl. While she is a very toxic verbally abusive person, Sasha isn’t without her own humanity either. Besides lying about being the only human in the world of Amphibia, Sasha genuinely is concerned about reuniting with each of her friends and not just for keeping them underneath her thumb in a controlling fashion. The voice acting here from Sasha’s VA really helps elevate that idea there’s more to her than how she acts.

Hold on for a little longer girls. I’m coming for you and when I find you we’re gonna get home, but first I think we’re gonna have some fun with this place.

By the time Anne and Sasha reunite by the finale, both have changed. Anne for the better and Sasha for much worse. Anne has become more selfless and free to make her own choices that she feels morally comfortable with doing, while Sasha is out to kill Hop Pop, due to his vital actions in earlier episodes, for encouraging more Frogs to rebel against the Toad’s rule of power through fear and violence. Sasha doesn’t view Hop Pop as as an equal living thing, but another obstacle that’s keeping herself, Anne, and Marcy from their one way ticket home. She strongly believes that killing Hop Pop, to keep the other Frogs back in line from having a voice of their own, will allow them a better chance to get back home with help from Grimes. Sasha knows to an extent the terrible thing she’s trying to help Grimes commit, however she still only views Hop Pop as not an equivalent human being, but an already figurative dead frog for them to dissect in their biology class. 

So you’ve probably already noticed the Toads in this valley have one job. To rule over the Frogs. And lately those Frogs have been stepping out of line.

Sasha is a serious fucking jerk, but a well intent extremist on wanting to get everyone back home, who doesn’t fully grasp the full context of what horrible atrocities she’s helping Grimes commit through doing this attempted murder.

Anne, what are you doing? Are you really gonna risk your life for these...talking frogs? We don’t even belong here. Don’t you wanna get back home? See your family?

Yeah, but...

Then put your sword down, now!

END OF DISCUSSION...

There we go, that’s my girl.

There that wasn’t so hard was i-

WHAT THE HECK!?

For someone who’s Anne’s best friend, you sure don’t know her very well! She brave, she’s smart, and most of all she’s not gonna be pushed around by a bully like you!

I think I’ve had enough of you, squeaky toy.

Anne, what are you doing!?

Something I should’ve done a long time ago. Standing up to you!

Thanks for believing in me, Sprig.

Can I just say that I love how they don’t try to pin blame on Anne for being consistently manipulated by Sasha? While Anne most certainly needs to stand up and not allow Sasha to abuse her like this anymore, Sasha is the sole person responsible for making Anne feel so insecure, who needed to be put in her place. It was very important for them to make that clear who is at fault here in this situation more than anyone and Sprig was perfect for telling off Anne’s abusive friend. Can’t begin to describe how cathartic it was for seeing that bitch get hit in the face for trying to once again pull on Anne’s emotional baggage. That highly noteworthy moment aside, there is a really interesting exchange between Sasha and Grimes showing how warped Sasha’s definition of friendship has become over the years she’s grown up with Anne in school.

You’ve given me plenty of advice, now let me give you some. Stamp this out. Make her yield. Fail and nothing will ever be the same.

Not gonna happen...

So, taking into account everything that I’ve covered at this point, this makes for a wonderful climatic finale to a slow burn where previous episodes have emotionally prepared Anne for facing down the very person who’s been hurting her most of all. One of her closest friends, who’s been like a symbolic sister in the past to Anne, but has turned into this very hurtful person with a seriously warped idea of an “affectionate” friendship based on similar ideas of control as seen with Grimes. While Amphibia has plenty of comedic shenanigans in its storytelling, there’s always been this dramatic undertone centered around Anne and Sasha’s views of what relationships are all about for what each one has based their ideals on. This Disney series is centered around gaining new bonds, while looking at old ones in a much different perspective, as seen with Anne and Sasha’s falling out.

Anne, you don’t have to do this.

Yes I do...

Anne vs Sasha is an important key moment that the finale nails on every possible level, given each side here has something lose, if the other one wins this duel. These are old friends, or rather family in a sense, standing up for what they think is the right moral thing to do and you can feel this high stakes tension every second as its building up to their swords finally clashing again against one another. Reminds me a lot of the Star Wars battles where it’s not necessarily remembered so much for the fights themselves, but the emotional weight that is carried in every moment which is happening between its characters and I applaud Amphibia for taking inspiration in utilizing that trope of writing.

Much like how DuckTales (2017) handled its amazing Season 1 finale, Amphibia’s writers know the most crucial element to focus more than anything are the characters themselves and what they’re feeling, rather than making it a big flashy battle of epic proportions. Granted, that’s a nice icing on the cake and all, but the real meat should always be in how you’re executing the important themes you’ve introduced from the start. In Amphibia’s case, it’s the tragedy of friendship turning into something nasty with Sasha treating Anne poorly and breaking apart their once stable lives, due to that very nature which dropped them into this world where they have to now fend for themselves.

There’s so much powerful heartbreak emitting from this one pic here and hoo boi we haven’t even gotten to best part, yet. It’s delightfully angsty and shocked the Hell outta me when first watching this episode. Fuck, it still does quite frankly knowing the people behind this show had the guts to go that far dramatically.

They’re just slimy little frogs, Anne.

They don’t matter!

They’re not just Frogs. They’re my friends!

After Anne finally beats Sasha the entire castle starts exploding, due to Wally misinterpreting her on not blowing up Grimes base. Here’s where the most heart wrenching scene comes in as the cherry on top of this intense finale to Amphibia’s first season. As the castle is falling to pieces, Sasha almost falls to her death but Anne catches her in time, despite just fighting her tooth and nail seconds ago to save the family she was trying to kill for her selfish reasons. There’s a crap ton of symbolism here in this poignant moment of characterization for Anne & Sasha’s current state of friendship now. All of this is topped off by the music piece, Lean On Me, being poetically woven into it.

The Plantar family is doing everything in their power to hold Anne up equivalent to how they’ve made her into a better individual than she ever was around Sasha. While Sasha is putting all of them in danger as a figurative ball and chain that, besides holding them back from staying alive, is also keeping Anne from becoming the best version of herself she can be. In these last moments, I’d like to believe Sasha finally put it together in her mind just how much she’s royally screwed everything up. Not just what she attempted to do with Hop Pop and most likely the rest of his family, but how seriously disrespectful she was to Anne for who knows how many years of their friendship when Sasha started abusing her. Sasha was most likely feeling a ton of self-loathing and terrible guilt before making this shocking pivotal decision next in saving Anne and the Plantars’.

Hey Anne...

Maybe you’re better off without me...

Like, on one hand it can be simply viewed as Sasha simply saving these people from dying, too. However, I’d prefer to make it darker for the sake of heavy angst and say she was committing suicide, as well. Sasha realized in these last moments, before thinking that she was going to die a painful death, how shitty she was to Anne. Sasha’s abusive behavior is what started this whole story in the first place. If it wasn’t for Sasha, none of them would of ended up in the world Amphibia to begin with, but it needed to happen for Anne to become better about who her real friends are and maybe this rough experience would even help Sasha, too. We’ll just have to see what awaits for Sasha’s character arc in Season 2′s future. As it stands now, Anne may have a lost a dear friend, who was basically like a sister to her years back, but gained something even better.

A family and terrific friends who care deeply for her.

Hop Pop, you three are my family. I’d never let anyone hurt you.

Thanks for taking the time read this very lengthy post of me gushing about this powerfully bittersweet finale. Can’t wait for Season 2!

[cake-writes]

Activation (Part Three)

Pairing: Soldat x Reader

Chapter Warnings: Graphic Violence, Sexism, Mental Illness, 18+

Summary:   At first glance, the Winter Soldier’s activation code sounds like a nonsensical string of words. In reality, each word has been carefully selected to break him just a little bit more. His behaviour is half-compliant at best and fully erratic at worst – and to keep him in line, you put him to use for your own… needs.

Part Two / Master List

Furnace / Печь

When you wake again, it’s just before sunrise and your Asset is already gone. Of course, you weren’t expecting him to be there, but your heart feels heavy in your chest all the same.

Hydra comes first. You come second.

With him, though, you always come first. Always. 

You just can’t return the favour.

Although you look relatively normal – unbruised, thanks to a heavy coat of foundation – inside you’re a nervous wreck. The walk down to his containment chamber is slow and agonizing; the dread sinks into the pit of your stomach with every step because you know what you’ll have to do when you arrive.

His eyes almost seem to light up when you step into the room. They’re typically such an icy blue, but when he looks at you, that ice melts and what remains is purely him: little hints of warmth and sweetness and care that he only shows when you’re around. If you’re honest with yourself, you’ve grown fond of the way he treats you. You’ve grown fond of him.

It’s stupid – no, ridiculous, really, because only a week and a half has passed since your nighttime escapades began. Nine days and you’re already feeling things you shouldn’t, things you didn’t think you could feel anymore. 

Stupid. Naive. 

What’s worse is that too much of the real him is starting to peek through, so much that others will start to notice if they haven’t already. That, coupled with the fact that he’d killed such a high-ranking officer yesterday to protect you of all people. As much as you appreciated it, possibly even loved that he was willing to kill for you, you needed to handle it.

“In the chair,” you instruct, but your voice wavers just slightly on the words. You clear your throat to play it off like you just had something caught there, but you already know he doesn’t buy it. The look he shoots you is wary as he slowly, hesitantly settles into the chair in the center of the room.

He knows what’s coming. So do you.

Those gorgeous blue eyes are so full of hurt and betrayal, but in them there’s also a plea. He’s silently asking you not to do this to him, not again, but your features are hard and unyielding and you have to look away. You don’t want to do this, but you have to.

Hydra comes first. That’s the logical thing to believe in.

When you hold the rubber mouthguard up to his lips, he obediently bites down on it just before metal clamps wrap around his arms and skull – and then, when you flip the switch, he screams.

For the first time in years, you have to step outside. You can’t handle hearing his agony, not now. You make an excuse to your colleagues that you aren’t feeling very well today, and it’s not exactly a lie. Your stomach is in knots and you can almost taste the bile on your tongue because of what you’ve done to him.

Again.

It never used to bother you before, but now it does – now that you know who it is you’re erasing. You might not know his name, but you’ve seen enough of his personality to know that he was one of the good ones. 

He was good. 

Once upon a time, you were too.

The Asset still misses his previous life. His memories are a jumbled, fragmented mess, but he easily recognizes you. He knows your face. He knows your name. You’re a scientist, one of many who works on him, programs him, attempts to make him forget.

Sometimes it works, but there is still a shred of himself in there that he refuses to let go.

Some part of him wonders what a pretty girl like you is doing in a place like this, but another part seems to know why: you’re damaged just like him, damaged beyond repair. He doesn’t know how he knows. He just does.

Your hands are small and so, so gentle when you brush away some tangled locks of hair hanging in his face. He can’t help but lean into your touch just a little as your fingernails graze pleasantly against his scalp. You treat him so delicately when everyone else acts like he’s unbreakable, and in most ways, he is. He’s a soldier. He’s a weapon. He’s a killer.

To you, he’s a person.

Before he even realizes it, he’s already wrapped his warm fingers around your wrist, suddenly overcome with the need to feel you – to know that you’re real. He doesn’t know why.

The breath catches in your throat at the action. At first, he thinks it’s from fear, but then he meets your eyes – so sparkling and genuine, betraying any emotion you may have tried to hide, not that he understands – and he knows that there is some memory locked away within his head that may explain your reaction. He just can’t access it. He doesn’t know how.

“Soldat.” Your voice is sweet honey to his ears despite the bite in your tone. “Release me.”

His fingers loosen almost immediately, and you pull your wrist from his grasp.

His eyes trace every single feature upon your beautiful face as you close the book, the little red book with a black star on the front, the one that activates something inside of him that he despises. He catches just a glimpse of some bruising on your cheek, but it’s mostly covered with makeup and he wonders if it’s something he caused – if that’s the reason he can’t remember.

“You’re hurt,” he says as you turn your back to him to lock the book away. The safe used to contain it is built into one of the walls, stronger than steel and impossible for him to break into despite his serum-enhanced strength. He must have tried at some point, but he can’t quite remember.

You pause for a moment at his comment, just long enough that he starts to believe that it was indeed him who hurt you. For some reason, that bothers him.

“I’m fine.” Your response is short and succinct, and you secure the safe once again. Then you turn around to address him, but you don’t meet his eyes this time. “Rest up. I’ll be back in a couple of hours.”

The way you walk out of his containment chamber is brisk, almost like you can’t leave fast enough. If he was the one to hurt you, then it would certainly make sense – but he’s confused and conflicted and his mind is a mess.

The only constant is that there’s something about you he just can’t shake.

Days pass, and although the bruising on your face heals, the ache in your chest just won’t go away. You try to keep your distance, but you know deep down that it’s because of your Asset. You still see him daily, although not at night despite how desperately you want to crawl into bed with him, how much you miss him.

You miss having him in your bed, even if it was just the once.

In between your tests and experiments, you find yourself wondering about what could have been. It’s stupid and juvenile – a pipe dream – but it provides a welcome distraction. Otherwise, your thoughts wander into more dangerous territory. You try not to look at him, but every now and then your eyes meet and it’s clear that there are unanswered questions just begging to be asked on both sides.

Neither of you verbalize them. Hydra is always watching.

You’re so distracted that you start to make mistakes. Your usually impeccable reports become a little less detailed and a little more careless. There’s a clear detachment from your work that never used to exist before. Truthfully, you don’t want to do this anymore. Any of it. You want to be free of it all, but you’re just as caged as him, trapped in a life of servitude. You can’t resign. Bad things happen to people who do.  

As the days turn into weeks, your mistakes become more and more frequent, so much that your colleagues start to notice. They whisper behind your back, but speak so openly in front of him, like he’s an object that can’t overhear – but he does. He hears it all.

Some of them wonder if you’re losing it. Others think you already have. They constantly put you down, blame your change in work ethic on ‘that time of the month’ or your ‘biological clock’ or any other reason they can think up to oppress you. They say that you’re just a woman and you don’t belong here. You don’t deserve to work on one of Hydra’s most important projects.

You don’t deserve to work on him.

But you do. Somewhere in the bits and pieces of his fragmented memories, he knows how brilliant you are, despite the fact that he’s a bit jaded by the pain you’ve put him through for however long he’s been here. A few months? A year? Two? He isn’t sure, but what he does know is that you’re intelligent. You wouldn’t be here otherwise.

Smart. Beautiful. His.

If it had to be anyone, he’s glad that it’s you, because you’re the only one to treat him like a person. You didn’t always, but you do now, and that’s what matters to him. What sparked the change is unknown to him, but he doesn’t care.

He appreciates it. He appreciates you.

Not long after that, you’re reprimanded by your boss. He can hear it from the hallway, as can the rest of your team – terrible harsh words shouted right at you, enough to make a weaker person cry, but not you. Instead, you step back into the containment chamber with your head held high, and when you catch his gaze, you stare him down. 

There’s something about the way you look at him that sends a shiver down his spine. Anxious. Dark. Wanting.

Unfortunately, the audible tongue lashing not only undermines your authority, but it emboldens those who would put you down. Snide comments are made under some of your colleagues’ breath, and you start to hear them, too. You ignore them for a long while, literal days – until, eventually, you don’t.

One particular comment sets you off: that, instead of here, you’d be better serving Hydra on your back. He doesn’t hear it in its entirety, but he hears enough.  

Your fingers tighten around the large metal wrench in your hand; you’d been repairing the machine used to reset him – or maybe you were attempting to make it a little more pleasant, but that was probably just wishful thinking on his part. He can’t remember ever seeing you work on it before, just him: his body, his arm, his mind, but his memories aren’t exactly the most reliable.

The way you address your male colleague is calm. Too calm. “I’m sorry. What did you say?”

“You heard me,” your colleague responds smugly. Too smugly.

The sheer disrespect surprises him. They were getting bolder by the day. He knows he’s killed some of your teammates before, and he has no qualms about doing it again, just for you – but he holds himself back because he’s curious. He’s never seen you anything but calm and collected and put together, but it’s clear to him that you’re angry, especially when he notices that your grip goes so tight that your knuckles turn white.

There’s a brief pause, then, before you spin around on your heel and deck your colleague across the temple with the wrench in one fluid motion. It’s a hard, heavy blow, and only one, but one is plenty. The familiar crunch of bones against metal echoes through the room followed by a spray of blood, but it doesn’t faze you at all.

He doesn’t even have to look to see that you’ve just killed a man. He knows what it sounds like, but he looks anyway. Crumpled in a heap on the concrete floor is the motionless body of your disrespectful colleague, blood gushing like a fountain from the broken skin and skull at his temple.  

The rest of your team stares at you in horror. 

He knows that look. It’s the same way they look at him.

“Anyone else want to share?” you ask, smiling sweetly at the three of them as you hold the wrench down by your side, dripping blood onto concrete.

They quickly shake their heads, to which you return to your work like nothing’s happened at all. Someone squeaks out that they’re going for a break. You don’t answer, but they all leave with their tails between their legs and just like that, he’s alone with you.

Well, alone with you and a corpse.

He’s done terrible things, but never in his wildest dreams would he have imagined that you could do the same. You’re so small and delicate compared to him. Pretty dresses and even prettier heels. Even though you work within the safety of an underground compound, not a battlefield, you’re just as brutal.

Even now, with blood spatter on your lips, he thinks you’re gorgeous.

He reaches out before he realizes what he’s doing – uses his thumb to wipe some of it away. Your eyes immediately snap up to his, cautious and guarded, but your eyelids flutter shut when his hand comes to rest on your cheek. 

It’s familiar. He’s touched you like this before. 

Over the past couple of weeks he’s dreamt of it, but now, he wonders if his dreams were actually memories. If so, then he’s certainly done more than just touch you. The fact that you seem to lean into his palm isn’t confirmation, exactly, but he takes a calculated risk nonetheless.

The wrench is still in your hand, but he doesn’t care. He leans forward and then his lips are soft on yours for the briefest of moments – not passionate or heated, but sweet, gentle. The kiss is fleeting and he doesn’t really know why he did it, especially considering the circumstances. 

All he knows is that it felt right. It felt real.

Maybe it’s because he’s just now realizing that you’re just as broken as him – or maybe he knew it all along.

Part Four

[elegantyoungmaster]

Safe With Me.

-[continued]-

It was rare that drama spilled over when he visited with the Ouyang's because he was a Sect Leader and they always tended to have their best foot forward. Jin Ling enjoyed Bailing, because it was a chance to get away and breath--he had needed Zizhen's help because if he was going to properly organize a wedding he would need someone he trusted to help . He had sent a letter asking if he could visit all formally done, since he did not want to get Zizhen in any trouble by just showing up--he sometimes missed their childhood, when his being heir never mattered, but now him being Sect Leader did. It also meant that suddenly Sect Leader Ouyang thought he wasn't a good influence on his only son.

Jin Ling respectfully disagreed.

He helped the boy have a backbrone he would put himself between Sect Leader Ouyang and his only child without hesitation. Zizhen was his sworn brother, this happened after a particularly terrible Night Hunt. One of their firsts, if anyone asked him. Zizhen was his brother Jin Ling did not believe in half-siblings and if you were a sworn brother you were even better then a brother, as he had told Zizhen, because I chose you and you chose me. Sect Leader Ouyang wouldn't want him, an orphaned boy who put on airs, who came from a seemingly cursed line, who was going to marry another boy. He figured Zizhen's father thought he'd talk him into marrying a boy or something. Which was enough to cause him to bite back his temper. Jin Ling had never been particular interested in boy's or girl's. He figured he'd be solitary. Until Sizhui looked at him in a certain way. He still didn't think of other people as attractive in THAT way. So he figured for him it was Sizhui for him.

He could always bring a social problem he was having to Zizhen, like the courting, like the help with the wedding, though that was more because he was his brother. Jin Ling had confessed more things to Zizhen then most people. They could share their inner turmoil and talk about feeling’s of inadequacy or less then worthy. Jin Ling inherited his from being an orphan which was tragic--Zizhen had gotten his from his father which in the Jin Sect Leader's view was far WORSE because that man willingly did this to his son. Jin Ling would listen and not judge, would hold his hair back when he drank to much and it got it's revenge he would make sure he was tucked in. They shared views they wanted to make the world better, better for the next generation, better for the common folk who had suffered terribly, but many of the Sect Leader's had willing chose t turn a  blind eye  to how it was.

Harvests that never came in because they couldn't pay to get help. Land that was plagued with monsters because they could not afford the steep rates of some Sects. Hadn't they formed Sects to help those who needed it. Now all that spoke was wealth. His own Sect was terrible for it. They had amassed so much treasure, gold, and land holdings. He used it discreetly, no one could say he was trying to turn the faith of their commoners if they didn't know it was him or his sect involved. He and Zizhen had plans. They would see them through.

Jin Ling was not meant to hear the conversation at hand. He had been in the kitchen with Madam Ouyang she was making almond cookies and those were one of Jin Ling's favorites. He had been learning the recipe. So when he heard all the mean things that was said about him, to Zizhen his eyes darkened. Madam Ouyang looked pale and sad she had given Jin Ling a hug she couldn't change the mind of her husband any more then her son could. It was just a case of him causing grief for himself and she would offer words of comfort where she could. "He's not bad, he's just narrow minded, a reflection of his own youth." she had said to him before disappearing back into the kitchen.

He begged to differ. You never saw your other half in a bad light. He knew this. He would never say she was wrong. If he did he would expect a smack across the face or worse. Slandering a spouse was wrong. Still, Jin Ling stepped into the room when he saw Zizhen exit outside. Angular features gave him the cast of a fox at the best of times and golden eyes only added to the picture. Jin Ling didn't give the man a chance to speak and he stalked like a predator. 

"You may have an issue with me Sect Leader, and when you do I would appreciate you address me directly with it. I have never indicated I would do anything to you or yours, Zizhen is like a brother to me, and on that front your getting this one and only warning because I would not hesitate to take the head of any man who hurt my siblings as many times as you have. The person here who is a disappointment is you." he said coldly "You cling to a glory past that is past, you fight change, are you waiting for some great war that will never come to reclaim some form of your fading youth ?" he demanded "Some great event that will make you relevant ?" he continued in the same harsh tone, his golden eyes practically glowed in his face. "I have heard it all, I am ill bred, a little mistress, a dainty little miss, a brat..people have made fun of my loss of parents for as long as I can remember...its all relevant is it correct ? " he shrugged "Maybe, maybe not. The difference between us, is I don't give a damn what people say about me, what they think about me. You are bullied into your position by people who can't see anything but what they can get out of a situation, it was never suppose to be like this." a breath followed. "If I find out that you have hurt MY brother again. I will come here, with my disciples and I will remove you from your duties Sect Leader. You want to see what dark path I can walk down, how much of the Yiling Patriarch is in me. How much like GuangYao I am...keep poking the fox in the hen house." he bowed and spun on his heels. “I will see myself out.”

Leaving what he knew was a seething Sect Leader behind him.

He found him looking out over the water and he composed himself from his temper. His cheeks still burned as he join his Sworn Brother by the water. He knew it was rough it was why he had to tell him he'd always be safe with him. With them. He, Sizhui, Jingyi...even Fairy. Jin Ling looked up, he always did the stars were his friends, they were dear to him. They were the many constellations, the moon was a glowing orb of kindness giving him its blessing when he could not sleep, lighting those places that made him feel dark.

Jin Ling leaned against him an arm went gently around his shoulders. He didn't offer an explanation, he didn't need to. Zizhen knew what he meant. He added "You deserve better then how he treats you.' his tone soft "I will see to it that you are." he added seriously. "I heard what he said about me. " his golden eyes flickered up to the other boy's. "I am sure some of it is true, but the difference is I am not completely grown yet, they make fun of the very barrier's that I am still learning to jump over, I thought at one time it was me lacking.." he said "I discovered its not, its that generation. They all lack a certain common ground with our generation, they are driven by power, by wealth and by the general childish ME, ME , ME , ME." he shook his head "They have become to set in their ways."

He glanced at the nudge to him and offered a quirk of his lips. "I am allowed to get just this sentimental with you." he protested nudging him back. "I have good authority that I might be a little softer around the edges." he gave that small faint chuckle. "Your not fine, A-Zhen." he his gaze was intent "And its alright not to be." he said "It's alright to hurt, its alright to cry...It's alright to be you, because you are you, and that is unique and wonderful. Words wound, and they can cut as sharp as any sword." he was still looking forward at the moon. "This is why we have friends, this is why we were given Sworn Brothers." he continued "You can share the burden and let me help you with it, two sets of shoulders are stronger then one."

@evcryopeneye​ [ Ouyang Zizhen ]

[glassworkspiderlilies]

in for a penny, in for a pound

Kyokou Suiri (In/Spectre) | Sakuragawa Kuro, Iwanaga Kotoko | AO3 Summary: A girl approaches Kuro at the hospital with a proposition. Everything about this situation is absurd. Notes: Watched the first episode of the anime today and then just really wanted to write something for it!! More or less just the events of the first episode/chapter, with a bit more focus on Kuro and his thoughts. Most of the dialogue is transcripted from the manga. Spills a little over into chapter 2 of the manga and kind of references some things that are revealed later on, but shouldn’t be overly spoilery. [EDIT] this fic has been posted up to ao3! that version has been edited a bit more thoroughly. :) 

.

.

.

It’s the first time he’s laughed since he’d broken up with Saki-san.

Kuro can’t help it—this girl is, perhaps, a bit cute, despite her oddly archaic way of speaking and her incredible forwardness. He had been teasing when he’d called her a middle-schooler, but he hadn’t expected her to blow up the way she did. It was also amusing how quickly she’d toned it back down, apologizing for her behavior.  

It was funny. So he’d laughed. And it’s refreshing, to be laughing for the first time since he’d been dumped. And it’s also a little flattering, to be asked out by a young thing like this enigmatic Iwanaga Kotoko, who has made her proposal so succinctly. All parts of this situation is absurd, and that almost makes Kuro want to say yes, for the continued absurdity.

But considering what happened with Saki-san…he knows what his answer is, and what it needs to be in general, moving forward. Even so, he doesn’t expect to be asked about the reason of his breakup. Kuro tells her, if only to test out his story on his own tongue.

He tries to leave and play it off as something of a joke—perhaps he’s just a pathetic boy who blames his breakup on a kappa, or one who lost his mind from the shock of breakup—but just as he didn’t expect to be asked about this at all, nor does he expect to be contested.

“You weren’t very clear about the subject of your sentences,” Iwanaga says, stopping him from leaving with the tone of her voice, her gaze preternaturally serious like she sees right through him. “Which one of you was the coward that ran and left Saki-san behind?”

Kuro pauses, wary, suddenly, of this girl five years younger than him.

She continues to talk, and the explanation she gives him floors him, though he keeps his face as neutral as he can. It floors him because she is absolutely correct, down to every fine detail, even the words Saki-san had uttered while looking at him with fear.

This girl looks at him without fear, even as she recounts his tale back to him.

He’s not sure if that should scare him.

“I’ve only had one interview with a kappa,” she says, as if his own story hadn’t been just that, a story that he’d expected to be brushed off, “But I am well acquainted with many of their kind.”

She seems—otherworldly, then, as she speaks of yokai, monsters, spectres, and even demons that occupy shadows and crevices and corners, watching them even now.

“Most of them are harmless, but they are everywhere,” Iwanaga continues as she walks towards him, her cane making a softer sound than expected on the flooring. “And when they see you, they whisper to me…‘that thing is different. That—that thing…is terrifying.’”

Kuro crushes the paper cup in his hand, unable to stop the gooseflesh prickling his skin.

“Who are you? How can you be so sure these things exist?” he demands, the words coming out sharper than he intends.

He’s clinging onto the presentation of a normal human being, even as she steps right over those boundaries he’s setting with the total confidence of one who will get what she wants. He’s not used to this, not at all. There are some things he’s careful with—the slip-ups with Saki-san during the course of their relationship had been inevitable, considering how long they’d dated, but hiding what he is is logical, natural. Saki-san had turned pale after every instance that showed his particular constitution and backed away, eyes questioning, accusing. She’d let those little things slide because she wanted so badly to believe, that he was perfectly normal in every other way, but she was certainly unable to forget the things she had seen.

The kappa had been too much.

It’s understandable, ultimately. Really. But Iwanaga…there is not a trace of fear in her.

She smiles at him before answering, perfectly serene.

“They kidnapped me for about two weeks when I was eleven,” she explains, with such ease as if she’s talking about something inconsequential, “They took me into the mountains and asked me, please become our god of wisdom. And my eleven year old self answered them yes, I will.”

He stares at her, unsure of how much to reveal about himself.

“Kinda hard to believe…” he sighs, continuing to play dumb, but Iwanaga merely laughs lightly.

“Indeed!” she says, “So you may look it up in the newspapers. July, six years ago. A fifth grader named Iwanaga Kotoko went missing from the city. One week later, the police went public with their investigation. Another week later, at dawn, the girl was discovered on a bench in the city park, dozing as if nothing had happened. Details were withheld for privacy, but surely in some of the local papers, you’ll find where they wrote, ‘when the girl was discovered, her left leg was severed, and her right eye had been removed.’”

She pushes her hair out of the way with the top of her cane, using her pinky finger to tap her nail against her eye, producing a light clacking sound. A glass eye. She shifts her position, and her skirt also flounces enough for him to see the strap around her thigh, keeping a prosthetic leg in place. Kuro looks at her with disbelief, and she smiles again, putting her arms behind her back in a girlish, innocent pose.

“Of course, the perpetrator was never caught. Since then, I’ve been their God of Wisdom.”

Iwanaga checks her watch and walks past him with a bounce in her step, as if she’s terribly pleased with the results of this conversation.

“It’s time,” she says, in regards to the bus that they’ve been waiting for. “We’ll continue this another day.”

It’s his ride, too, but she seems sure that he won’t follow. She’s right, because he stares after her as she inclines her head and walks away without waiting for a response, still at a loss.

Kuro sees her as the bus passes a few moments later, and she waves. He frowns, checking his phone for when the next one is supposed to come, sighing. He supposes he might as well go to the library to check her story, even though he…believes her. No, even as he knows she has told the truth. Something like this goes beyond mere belief.

He has an inkling, that if he goes to the library, the (more or less) peaceful life he’s had so far will take a turn. He can go home like he had been intending to and forget this ever happened. He can continue as he has been.

Sakuragawa Kuro goes to the library.

.

She finds him just as he’s leaving the library.

Everything she said he’d find he’d found, of course. And the picture in the newspapers is evidently her, even six years later. Even so, he tells her, it doesn’t prove that she’s become a god to monsters and yokai.

“No, it doesn’t. I may have imagined the whole thing. But if it is a delusion, then I’m just a girl who was kidnapped by some deviant, and lost her mind from the shock of his abuse.”

She uses his own words against him, her expression ever so slightly wry. He has to give it to her—she’s clever.

“You’re free to believe what you want,” she continues, “But I may be the only person in this whole world who can understand you.”

He sighs. She may be right, to an extent. There is, at least, one other person, but…well. That is its own complication.

“Have you had lunch?” he asks, caving just a little. “I’ll treat you.”

Surprisingly, she refuses, having just had an expensive kaiseki meal. Who is she, he wonders, that such a young girl can have a kaiseki lunch.

“With the way you talk, I can’t tell if you were raised in polite society or not,” he says.

“Let’s just say that if I go missing, the first thing that people think is a kidnapping—that’s the kind of mansion I grew up in,” she replies, and that’s already a lot to unpack. “If you marry me, then the land and the house come with me. I can get you a job, too.”

She connects her thumb and index finger and her gaze is intense, and he’s flustered by this offer. Why is she talking like she’s her own saleswoman?

“I don’t want to date you for profit,” he says, holding his hands up, but her gaze intensifies if possible.

“What kind of naïve romantic are you?!” she demands, as if he’s personally insulted her, and he kind of wants to laugh again, at this discrepancy between her doll-like appearance and her seemingly skewed view of the world. “Shouldn’t you get something out of this?”

“Are you sure you should be saying this?” he responds, shaking his head, and starts to walk away. Even if she doesn’t need lunch, he does, and there doesn’t seem to be anything more of proper substance to this conversation.

“Then you admit I’m your type?!” she gasps, following after him.

“No,” he says, easily. It’s true. She’s the exact opposite.

Before he can take his leave, however, a librarian rushes towards them and transforms mid-jog, and then Iwanaga is discussing something that is stalking the halls of the library with the tanuki trembling in her arms. Kuro refuses to come, trying yet again to make an escape—because even though he had come to the library knowing something would change, he’s already satisfied his curiosity quite enough, thank you—but Iwanaga guilts him into coming.

It’s kind of amazing how she succeeds, really. He’s starting to realize he should not, perhaps, underestimate her.

.

Kuro has been told before that he doesn’t seem to have a sense of danger, but considering that he’s immortal, he can’t help it.

As he watches Iwanaga fly through the air after striking the monster with a fire extinguisher, fear floods him, because even with one eye and leg and God of Wisdom and all, she is still human. If she hits the ground, she will die, and she will not get up. Even earlier, she had unnerved him with her stand against the creature, attempting and failing to speak with it. But him grabbing her to escape from that was easy. Now, as she soars through the air, if he doesn’t catch her—

He does, of course. Dwelling any longer would be counterproductive. Kuro has to sigh at her cheekiness to comment upon her pleasure at being held, and she squeaks when he pulls her closer—not out of romance, but so she cannot be any more reckless than she has been.

“I’m trying to stop you from getting us both killed,” he tells her when she protests, the sound muffled against his chest.

The monster roars, and she squirms against him, her voice high and panicked.

“Kuro-san, run!” she yells, but he’s calm in the face of danger, as he’s always been.

He holds out his arm as the monster opens its maw and Iwanaga turns her head—and strangely, he’s not even worried about what she’s seeing as the creature’s jaws close around his flesh, taking his arm clean off. Blood splatters across his face and hers as well. Iwanaga’s eyes are wide, and she grips his shirt tighter. Her mouth opens and closes once before her words come out properly.

“Then…and now…you have that unconcerned look on your face…how can you be so indifferent?! Don’t you care that you’re in danger?!”

It’s almost sweet, how she’s worried. Her reaction is both expected and unexpected; expected because she’s not pulling away from him, even after what she’s seen, and unexpected because it seems she doesn’t actually know the truth of what he is like he thought she might.

“It’s upsetting to hear that from you, miss leap-before-you-look. I was sure you of all people would have been able to guess.”

She tilts her head in confusion, but at that moment, his body begins to regenerate. Bones, blood, flesh—his arm reconstructs itself, good as new. Iwanaga looks surprised, but not disgusted, and—frankly, he’s more relieved than he’d like to be. He has no reason to want her approval—he’s not sure he even likes this girl, but he doesn’t necessarily dislike her either.

Kuro looks at the monster, which has gone still.

“Thought so,” he murmurs, as its body begins to bubble. “It looks like my meat doesn’t agree with him.”

A few moments later, it explodes and its flesh disintegrates, surprise washing across Iwanaga’s face again.

“Kuro-san,” she says, her voice serious again. He lowers her down and gets up, brushing off his clothes as he begins to walk towards the skeleton that remains. “What are you?”

“Those things ask you for wisdom. Can’t they tell you that?” he says, his back towards her.

“No one likes to talk about the things that truly frighten them,” Iwanaga says slowly.

Kuro thinks about that for a moment. And her? Does he scare her? If she’s scared now, what about in a moment, when he answers her question?

“…True,” he agrees. “Well, to borrow your words…” he turns to her, and her eyes widen at the emptiness on his face. “When I was eleven, I gorged myself on two different kinds of yokai meat.”

She stares. He waits. Truth be told, he’s already said too much by sharing he’s eaten two kinds of meat instead of only one. She didn’t need to know the second part. But he’s told her anyway.

The shock passes, and she looks merely thoughtful instead.

“I see,” she murmurs. “I suppose that would explain the fear from other yokai. They sense the amalgamation in you, which is…unnatural.”

She tries to get up but does so a bit awkwardly because of her prosthetic. He offers her his hand without thinking about it, and she takes it without hesitation.

Kuro blinks at her. She raises an eyebrow at him.

“Kuro-san,” she says, and—he’s had enough for today, he thinks.

“I think I’ve completed my part, here,” he says, the words coming out too quickly. He steps back. Coward, he thinks to himself. “Goodbye, Iwanaga-san.”

She sighs, even as he’s turning away and down half the stairs already.

“I will see you soon enough, Kuro-san,” she calls after him.

He glances back but doesn’t stop moving. She’s smiling at him, and offers a little curtsy.

Kuro wonders if he should feel threatened.

Briefly, he remembers that night, with Saki-san. How she had clung to him and called his name, only to start shaking, and then let him go with horror in her eyes.

He supposes there’s something wrong with him, that there’s some satisfaction in having this uncanny girl come after him.

.

Iwanaga does, of course, appear the next day at the hospital, peering around his side to look at the flowers he’s brought for his cousin. He’s not even surprised.

She’s worried for him, even after what she saw, repentant about the fact that she was the one who brought him into the mess.

He explains about the mermaid meat, grabs one of the rose stems from the bushes nearby, dragging his hand down its length. The thorns cut, his hand bleeds, and he opens it to show Iwanaga the wounds healing. She watches with less surprise than yesterday.

“I’ve lost fingers, been burned pretty badly, but I don’t have a single scar,” he tells her.

Iwanaga thinks. “Since ancient times, it’s believed that eating mermaid flesh bestows ageless immortality…but you don’t look eleven.”

“I think the other yokai meat I ate nullified some of the effects,” he says, his eyes distant as he looks down at his hand, “But it’s possible I will stop aging at some point.”

Iwanaga looks at him, tilting her head to the side.

“You said you ate two types of yokai meat. What was the other one?”

He smiles faintly at her.

“…I need to get going, otherwise I’ll be late for my visit.”

She sighs, but allows him to drop the topic.

“Very well. I suspect we’ll be seeing each other frequently for a long time to come. I’m sure I’ll have ample opportunity to ask you about yourself.”

“You can still say that after everything I’ve told you?” he asks, with some mild disbelief.

“Well, I do find it somewhat upsetting,” she says honestly, and this simple admittance doesn’t hurt him at all. “And I’m sure it’s why your relationship with Saki-san ended in ruin. Outwardly, you are the very picture of naiveté. But for my part, having you by my side is a welcome development both romantically and for solving yokai problems. Two birds, one stone!”

She twirls prettily and holds up to fingers to illustrate her words. She looks perfectly cheerful, for someone who had just found out something so disturbing so recently. But he supposes, as the God of Wisdom as she says she is, and a girl who had lost her left leg and right eye to supernatural creatures, his story, though unusual even to her, is not as big of an upset as it would be to someone else.

“…Are you sure you’re not being too logical about this?” he asks, is eyebrows furrowing. Because the fact remains that he is unnatural. Yokai and other such creatures are natural, especially to her, even if most humans cannot see them. They are part of a natural order that she is meant to keep.

He falls outside of that order. Shouldn’t she be thinking of getting rid of him somehow, then, instead of positing a relationship?

“What’s wrong with that?” she pouts, breaking him out of his thoughts. “And if we could just ignore the fact that my appearance doesn’t match what appeals to you, this would all be solved handily.”

He sighs.

“That’s not the problem and you know it,” he says, shaking his head. He isn’t ready to broach the topic he was just thinking about with her. He doesn’t know her well enough yet. “And you never said yokai extermination would be a requirement for this relationship.”

It’s funny. It wasn’t as though he ever said yes, but somehow—he’s already in it, this relationship.

“Most of their problems can be solved their consultation,” Iwanaga says easily, “And with you by my side, there won’t be any major upsets.”

He chuckles a little.

“What happened yesterday wasn’t a major upset?”

She looks a bit sheepish at that, turning her head in slight embarrassment.

“Sometimes things don’t work out,” she admits, “It was unfortunate for that cow that it couldn’t see you. But it’s very rare for a spectre to see you—part human, part yokai—and not be filled with dread. It would be quite the monster that doesn’t find you frightening.”

He stops short, just after they walk through the hospital doors. Kuro thinks about that, and wonders what that makes her, if yokai, monsters, spectres, and demons fear him. Humans are more fragile than yokai, and if humans are more intelligent, then they know above all what should be feared.

Iwanaga Kotoko fears neither humans nor the supernatural. So what does that make her? Her being a God of Wisdom is merely a title; she will say she is human when asked. So the fact that she doesn’t fear him and wants to date him (as a preamble to getting married, no less!)…what does that make her?

It would be quite the monster indeed.

He can’t think of her as a monster. So what is left? A true god?

Kuro puts a hand to his forehead. This is all too much. Even so, he’s her boyfriend now, whatever that entails or means in this situation. She’s too logical and unromantic and oddly risqué for him to think that being her boyfriend will be anything like being Saki’s. It’ll come with its own troubles, he can feel it, but…it doesn’t feel bad.  

“Why did you stop?” Iwanaga calls to him, “You still have time—as my new boyfriend, the least you could do is walk me to my appointment before your own, you know.”

He sighs, but his lips quirk into a resigned smile once she turns her back to him, pouting slightly.

“Yes, yes,” he says, and offers his arm for her to hang onto.

She blinks at him, mollified.

“Well, now,” she says, “You do have some manners after all.”

“Moreso than you, sometimes,” he says, “How did you learn to talk like you do when you were raised in polite society?”

“Hey!” she says, pouting again, “There’s nothing wrong with being forthright. And seriously, what kind of idea of polite society do you have anyway?!”

He laughs, and continues to do so as she gets even more irritated, her cheeks reddening with frustration.  

Yes, in some ways, he doesn’t think this will be bad at all.

[sobdasha]

some (very long) Hiro metas and a Kisa-n-Tohru tangent

seeing the "Hiro is a brat!" "Hiro just has trauma!" debate has made me ponder…

Like, not to compare trauma and argue who had what worse and invalidate suffering, but my immediate reaction was kind of, "Wait, what? I mean, okay, I guess Hiro did just have some trauma re: Kisa, but like, overall…???"

So it's time for some scrutiny!

I’mma talk myself through this in a post.

Here we have Hiro. He's a Souma, which is pretty damn traumatic in its own right, and possessed by a Zodiac spirit, which is even worse. He's part of an elite inner circle, privileged with status and wealth; but on the flip side, there's still people in the family who look down on the Zodiac, and Hiro's looking at a future of isolation (afraid of looking like a monster, afraid to betray the family secret, not properly free to pick his own job, may or may not be able to live outside the estate, love life is gonna be a disaster when puberty hits). And Akito, whom the possessed part of him loves deeply and desperately, tends to weaponize his own love and withhold it when someone displeases him, or turn hurtful when someone needs punishment.

Okay, so that's bad. But Hiro shares that with all of the Zodiac members, that's just the baseline trauma, and there's some compounding issues at play that Hiro lacks:

- Hiro, as the Sheep, isn't especially hated. Kyou, for instance, has a bad attitude that's partly due to the entire clan ragging on him for being a horrible abomination of a monster, comparing him unfavorably to Idealized Yuki, and telling him he's gonna be locked up in a one-room house on the estate to suffer out his life--and that's not even counting how being the Cat affected how his immediate family treated him. Haru, as the Ox, got ~harmlessly teased~ about being a big dumb slow stupid ox by the family so much that he started flipping over to a Black personality to violently vent his feelings.

- Hiro's family life is, as far as I can tell, actually ideal. His parents didn't reject him (Momiji, Kyou re: his sperm donor, Rin), split up over him (I suspect this is what happened for Kagura, because her parents argued a lot when she was young, and I wonder about the fact that Ritsu's dad isn't at the onsen? And there's no mention of Kisa's dad? But then again, we're told repeatedly that Yuki and Ayame have a father and he lives in the same house as their mother and I've never seen proof of this man's existence), be coolly indifferent to him (Ayame after Yuki was born and he got off the hook but honestly I think that was a blessing to him, Yuki, Hatori), or get extremely overprotective (Kyou re: his mom, I'd argue this is partly why Ritsu's mom is so stressed out, and also I'd argue this may be why Kisa's mom hits her limit). In fact, Hiro's the only one who we can definitely say has two parents, who live together, and have a good relationship, and actively enjoy nurturing their child. Also Satsuki's completely adorkable. (This puts strain on Hiro in other ways, lol, but at least he shares that feeling with his dad.)

- Hiro, as the Sheep, probably doesn't particularly stand out. I'm guessing his hair color isn't particularly notable? So he probably hasn't been singled out for teasing from people who don't even know about the curse, like Kyou and Haru and Kisa. (No one's not-thirsty enough to have teased Ayame or Yuki for their looks, I'm pretty sure, and Momiji can pull the biracial card, even if that wouldn't stop people, and went to international school, where people probably found other ways to pick on you.)

So where, for Hiro, does his particular extremely combative, condescending, scathing, sarcastic attitude come from?

That's not to say none of those things above could be factors. It's extremely possible that the family found dumb things to say to him because, y'know, clearly it's impossible to hurt a kid's feelings if you're arrogant enough about it. And like Kyouko says, you can't really judge someone's family situation based on their behavior, and vice versa. I'd expect Hiro to be super well-adjusted, coming from a loving nuclear family, but kids are people and they will turn out how they turn out both because of and in spite of how they're raised. And maybe Hiro's experienced some bullying about whatever, and his instant sharp-tongued retorts became the default in response to that. Hiro didn't tell us any of this, but who knows!

Or maybe Hiro's difficult phase is just a phase. Maybe that's how all his classmates talk to each other?? I can easily see that being a thing, especially with boys, both friendly with friends or aggressive with people you want to treat badly, and maybe Hiro's so much in the habit of it that he doesn't think first (and doesn't care enough about Tohru and her feelings to exercise a little self-control). Like this post that points out how it's a Definite Thing that part of Hiro's lording-little-brat arrogance is because he's in his final year of elementary school and he's everyone's senpai and that sort of thing is indulged because adults know he'll get cruelly humbled next year when he's a baby kouhai.

But I think maybe, what's most relevant with Hiro, is that because of his lack of obvious outside factors to fight against for personal growth, his growing pains as a character are internal. He's fighting against himself. AKA, it's only logical that he's a tiny little shit and his character arc is about growing into someone who isn't a jerkface. Which can be just as difficult and traumatic as standing up to your parents, or Akito, or society, or your classmates. Hiro has to assert himself against himself, and himself won't punch him in the face or lock him in his room but it's so easy to just put the blame elsewhere and let himself get away with it and give him a pass and stop trying to improve.

Now I wanna analyze the timeline!

Aside from a few select Zodiac members, Akito hasn't really done anything super terrible that we've heard about until Hiro's in 3rd grade. That's when Hatori and Kana ask to get married, and Hatori gets injured. Akito has been a jerk before, and Akito is very clearly in favor of a hierarchy that puts God at the top getting all the love. But Shigure and Ayame have talked about their sexcapades with no issue, and Kagura's always going on about her undying love for and future marriage with Kyou, and this is the first incident that says those things aren't allowed.

Sometime not terribly long after that, Shigure gets kicked out of the Main House. This ramps up Akito's hatred of women, though Hiro wouldn't know the betrayal behind it and might not have a clue about Akito's vendetta.

Right about the time Hiro starts 6th grade, he feels compelled to tell Akito that he has feelings for Kisa. (I'm pulling this from the Collector's Edition timeline. In the actual story I keep seeing the English being like "I always thought Hiro hated me / I thought Hiro hated me for a long time" with Kisa then immediately turning around and saying "We were bffs all through my elementary school years / Hiro always played with me until this year", so I heavily suspect the translators keep getting a modifier in the wrong place or something because wtf.) Akito kicks Kisa's ass and Kisa takes two weeks to heal. (This isn't Akito's fault. It's also not Kisa's fault, obviously, because Hiro didn't even tell her yet that he liked her. So that means it's all Hiro's fault.) Hiro's horrified, because he could have had an idea this would be bad but he probably didn't expect it to all be taken out on Kisa. After all, Hatori got hurt, not Kana, and Rin hasn't been pushed out a window yet.

Hiro abruptly cuts off his interaction with Kisa, to protect her from getting punished by Akito again. Kisa goes back to 7th grade, where she's just transitioned from Top Of The Heap Senpai and Just A Child So We Can Let Things Slide to Lowly Kouhai Who Needs To Learn Proper Social Behaviors, and she's being bullied, and her bff won't talk to her, and her Talking Things Out skills are having zero effect, so she just stops talking, and now her mom is upset, and then she starts skipping school, and now her mom is really upset. And Hiro was probably unaware of a lot of this, until it got really bad several months in, since he stopped seeing his bff.

And Hiro's agonizing and worrying about it, when suddenly Tohru swoops in and magically saves the day, bringing hope where there was none and erasing suffering, right when Hiro was probably nerving himself up to try to help somehow without bringing Akito's wrath back down on Kisa.

Oh I wanna have a tangent about Kisa!

Timeline again, but from Kisa's point of view:

Kisa and Hiro are only a year apart, so they've always been super close. Hiro is her bff.

Now Kisa is starting 7th grade.

Kisa does something Bad. It's not clear what, but it's Bad Enough to make Akito hate her and also seriously beat her up, so that's Pretty Bad.

Actually it's Really Very Bad, because after that Hiro hates her too.

Anyway Kisa's starting 7th grade! Yay! New school, new girls, new pressures. In my personal experience, middle school is when girls are at their nastiest (after they hit high school, they start to chill out. Obviously you still get jerks, because people, but there was a little more "live and let live" attitude), so I always assume this is part of the problem. Kisa's classmates start to bully her. Kisa tries out her conflict resolution skills, like the adult she's expected to be becoming, and it only causes the situation to escalate. Her self-esteem has already had the crap kicked out of it, and hasn't healed in 2+ weeks. Her bff hates her and won't talk to her.

And then Kisa just gives up without telling anyone why.

Tohru's got a very valid point, that it's hard to talk about the things that actually bother you. It's hard to ask for help. I can complain all day long about little things, but I can't put big issues into words without spontaneously bawling? Which is really fricken embarrassing???

But I think the reason Tohru strikes such a chord with Kisa, and is able to instantly win her over, is because she talks with such quiet feeling about being scared her mom wouldn't love her anymore. Because that feeling was very, very real for Tohru--grounded in the fact that Kyouko actually did abandon her once.

And Kisa recognized that, and realized that Tohru--unlike everyone else--actually got it, because that's exactly what Kisa's feeling. Because Kisa's gotten along with her mother very well all her life, if what we see of her with Hiro is any indication. Except that suddenly Akito hates her. Suddenly Hiro hates her. It's a very real fear, once Kisa's mom starts getting stressed about the not-talking, that Kisa's mom is going to stop loving her just like everyone else is suddenly doing. Because that's literally what's happening to Kisa.

Tohru's not just a warm, loving, accepting, motherly presence. Tohru's someone who can very viscerally relate to Kisa's terror. Of course Kisa clings to her.

Back to Hiro though!

I think we could also stand to apply to Hiro the tried-and-true, "The things you hate most in other people are the things you hate most about yourself," because it is both true in general and a definite thing Fruits Basket does (for a quick example, see Yuki saying he hates dependent people [while Kyou's like "that's you tho"] and Rin hating Yuki [because he's dependent on Haru the way she is guiltly dependent on Haru]).

I went to rewatch the episode to look at all the specific things Hiro says about Tohru and other people, only to realize the obvious flaw that like everything he says is an insult and there's too much there for me to unpack here, so I chose just a few statements that were really specifically phrased (I can't stand people who X).

I can't stand people who let themselves be pushed around so easily

Hiro also talks a couple times about Tohru having no sense of identity or agency, or not having thoughts of her own. So this reveals Hiro's inner struggle with his own complacency. He's got that bond with Akito, he's got a life that's at least partly set in stone already for him, and he's not doing anything to fight it. He didn't hide his feelings for Kisa from Akito, and then when Kisa got hurt Hiro never told her why ("It's my fault because I told Akito I like you and that made him mad, it's nothing you did") and never called Akito out on it (he can't blame Akito but when he talks about it you can tell he also knows he should blame Akito because Hiro can figure out that that was wrong. Maybe because, unlike so many others of the Zodiac, he was raised in a sensible and loving family and he knows that Akito's behavior isn't normal, isn't right, isn't acceptable).

This is probably why, even while using "I'm just a kid" to get away with his behavior, he's so frustrated with not being an adult. Because, to him, an adult wouldn't just let these things happen. He's wrong, on one hand, but on the other hand the maturity that will come with his personal growth will let him be the kind of adult he envisions.

I can't stand inconsiderate people

Hiro knows he's a jerk. He knows his snappy retorts piss people off--he enjoys that. He's super jealous about Tohru and doesn't care about her feelings, and him taking his anger out on Tohru has been hurting Kisa's feelings and that hasn't caused Hiro to check himself yet either.

He knows this, he hates this, he's not ready to deal with it yet and exercise self-control, so he's the niceness police about other people being rude.

(I think it's interesting that, when Hiro starts maturing, even though he still has that tendency to rudeness, there's also a hint that it will one day turn into a frankness that isn't just "a blunt insult is the same as honesty right?" That time when Hiro realizes that Kyou and Tohru have Feelings and he's like "Um, wait, is that okay? Are we just not going to talk about the fact that Kyou is going to be locked up alone in a room for the rest of his life???" He asks the tough questions lol. I won't give him credit for bringing up Tohru's dad issues because he was just doing that to be a dick, there was zero maturity there. In another world, though, he would've been the only other person besides Kyou [who already knew the details] to think to question Tohru about it.)

People who whine about their situation while accepting no responsibility are so irritating

Again...Hiro hates the whole situation that happened with Kisa, and hates his part in it, and didn't do anything to fix it before Tohru came along. And even then, he still hasn't fessed up to Kisa about the real circumstances. He knows he owes Kisa that, and he hasn't taken responsibility yet.

This ties into the complacency issue, but with the added fact that Hiro's said it's shitty and unfair but still is going along with it without trying to stop it. So he's an extra jerk, but he still hasn't stepped up yet.

I think maybe this is why Tohru's speech touches him, even after he just called her out on magical Mary Sue emotional healing powers. He's been nothing but his worst self around Tohru--bad enough that it's not only just Tohru but Kisa he's been upsetting as well--he's been bratty and insulting and pushed Tohru around and stolen her property and treated her like shit and--

And instead of rolling her eyes, or getting fed up and firing back, or any other response that show her low expectations for Hiro…

Tohru just stands there and says it's brave, to admit you have flaws, and that she has faith that he can and will make good on his responsibilities. Even though nothing at all that Hiro's done--and he's very well aware of this--gives any indication that he would even try. Let alone succeed.

The way that Hiro, when people call him a brat, tends to then embrace it and get even brattier--this makes me think he's the kind of kid who lives down to people's expectations, rather than trying to prove them wrong. So when Tohru without hesitation sets the bar high like that, and it pisses Hiro off--

He's gonna show you, stupid woman. You think he's a prince? You're gonna be floored at the kind of prince he'll be.

(Eventually. Much later.)

[starr-fall-knight-rise]

Humans are Space Orcs “Joke’s on You.”

Thank you to an anonymous reader who requested this prompt. I hope you find it entertaining. 

Krill emerged from his restful trance to the sound of cursing. Violent, aggressive cursing followed by the sound of ruckus laughter. He had been floating absently down the hallways of the ship suspended in his restful trance allowing the natural air currents of the ship to carry him from one end to the other. He was close to the crew’s sleeping quarters.

With a quick hiss, he released the hydrogen from its sack finally making contact with the cold metal floor to scuttle off down the hallway.

He made it to the crew’s quarters just in time to see Petty Officer Ramirez stumbling from bed face and right hand covered in shaving cream. The additional crew sleeping in the room sat on their beds giggling and jeering as the man cursed and stumbled towards the bathroom.

Towards the door Airman Young called, “APRIL FOOLS!”

The entire room went suddenly quiet. Expressions of amused laughter narrowed to deep expressions of distrust and paranoia. A few of the crewmen began glancing under their beds. One of the men even turned over his boot and shook it onto the floor as if he expected to find something there.

Krill didn’t like the look of that, and he didn’t like the sound of that either. He knew what a fool was, but he had no idea what an April was. It didn’t translate, so he couldn’t be sure what was going on. Not wanting any part in this, rill moved on down the hallway just in time to hear screaming from the female quarters of the ship.

Female humans were more likely to use sonic attacks than their male counterparts, plus they were better at it, though this one sounded more like a warning call than an attack, so he hurried over peering in to find Chief Warrant Officer McKay standing in a shower of glitter hands held out to her sides. Her uniform was absolutely covered in the tiny shimmering flakes all of which seemed to have fallen from her cap which she now removed in a glittery waterfall of horror.

“I am NEVER going to be able to get rid of this…. You A**holes.” Though she seemed livid, the anger on her face quickly melted away, and she began racing around the room rolling on the other women’s’ beds and hugging anyone she could make contact with. The screaming and laughing must have echoed down the hallway to the men’s quarters, and now they were cautiously peering out from their rooms testing the ground before them with tentative steps.

One of the men peered in at the glittery carnage and laughed in delight, “Glitter bomb.” He looked down at krill, “Better hunker in in prepare for war, this is going to get ugly.”

Krill stared up at the crewman in confusion, “Why?”

“Why my fine quadruped today is April fools, the day we humans use as an excuse to play mean jokes on each other and laugh.”

That was not exactly a good explanation for Krill, but the humans had already moved on before he could ask further questions, but he watched as the crew slowly moved up the corridor and towards the captain’s quarters. Trying the door handle, they found it to be locked.

The captain’s voice rose up on the other side of the door, “Not this year. No one waking me up with a chainsaw this year. That is not how this day begins.”

The crew looed slightly miffed, but shrugged it off.

On the sly, Krill thought he caught one of the crewwomen grinning evilly behind someone’s back.

A sudden loud clatter from the captain’s quarters heralded another string of cursing and a couple of loud thumping noises. The door hissed open and the captain stumbled against the frame, “Which one of you took the time to make a PERFECT replica of my leg with FOAM and then swamp if for my real one….. Who the hell does that!” In his other hand, he brandished a crumbled looking bionic leg. While the undamaged parts looked impressively like the real thing, the breaks clearly showed its truth. “This is!... Amazing actually really talented, but also its MEAN it steal from the crippled.”

No one seemed all that ashamed, not even when no one came forward to return the leg, and the captain was forced to hop his way down the hallway between bouts of cursing and laughing.

In fact, they all laughed.

Krill was very scared at what this day was to bring.

He honestly couldn’t have known that April fools generally doesn’t get this intense with most humans, but the crew of this particular ship had the unfortunate circumstance of being full of pranksters and misfits. It probably shouldn’t have happened that way, but sometimes the universe rolls an unusually exceptional hand.

When they finally stumbled onto the bridge past the trip wires and motion sensors, they found the entire room plastered with stick on googly eyes. Sizes on the googly eyes ranged from smaller than a fingernail to about the size of the average person’s head. Krill found the effect to be rather disconcerting, though it gave the ship a rather inebriated expression of lopsided misfortune.

The Captain seemed impressed, that was until he tried to sit down on the command chair. Someone had apparently gone in and loosened the bolts, which held the chair in place. Under the captain’s weight, the chair subsequently collapsed and spilled him onto the floor. The rest of the crew found that mightily entertaining until a few unfortunate crew members learned that the same trickster hadn’t simply targeted the captain.

Those chairs that had not been unbolted from the ground had air horns and canisters of silly-string locked into their springs. Krill was honestly afraid to move assuming a bucket of glue or pant would be dumped down on his head, or, somehow, he might step into a bear trap.

The captain still didn’t have his leg back, and seemed to be growing rather frustrated with his inability to move around properly. The rest of the crew seemed about 0% sorry for him laughing at his inconvenience.

But it didn’t end there, oh if only it had.

Someone had plastered clear tape over all the toilets and urinals causing at least two crewmembers to pee on themselves and at least four more to make a mess all over the floor. The captain ended up calling one of the younger airmen into the room, and in his rush, the poor boy missed the plastic wrap tied across the sliding door at about face level. He ran into the wrap, and the door closed behind him trapping him by his face against the door, while the rest of the crew laughed.

Someone somewhere tampered with the crew’s food, and the three crewmembers who had completely forgotten what day it was ended up with lower GI involvement, and at least half a day in the bathroom until Krill came to their aid with a neutralizing agent.

He honesty felt as if he was in a war zone slipping from one room to the next treating minor injuries and poisonings all the while attempting to dodge enemy attacks as the pranking grew in escalation.

Three humans, turned themselves various shades of neon colors when it was determined that the shower heads had been tampered with. The captain claimed responsibility for that one and additional responsibility when two dozen more crewmen had their hands changed color when trying to wash their hands.

Multicolored, and paranoid, the humans moved their way around the ship looking for the rest of the pranks, all while watching the captain as he went hunting for his leg. At this point he had appropriated two younger crewmen to help him as he walked.

Krill stayed at the very back of the group mistrusting every sound and doorknob they came into contact with.

One of the younger women was picked to check the next door, a cleaning closet, and as it opened, a thousand tiny black figures spilled from the door and onto the ground landing in her hair and on her uniform tiny legs splayed outwards.

The scream she let off could have shattered glass, and she danced away screaming and batting at her hair. She stopped once she realized the tiny black bodies weren’t moving, in grudging relief when she learned that they were only plastic.

The captain received a punch on the arm when he took credit for that one.

Similar pranks included rubber snakes tied by wire to cupboards and drawers.

Krill was forced to return to the medical bay for more minor-injury supplies, and was just leaving through the hatch when a low growl stopped him in his tracks. Trembling terribly, he turned and was confronted by a massive reptilian head mouth lined with huge glittering teeth. The high pitch shrill he let off would have deafened anyone were it within normal hearing range. He dropped the medical supplies screaming and running as the creature chased after him massive predatory head swinging and roaring.

He was going to die.

And then one of the crewmen stepped into his path elegantly clothes lining the raptor to the floor. A foot flew free from the raptor shoe, and Krill in his relief found a human encased inside the rubberized costume.

If he had a heart he would have had a heart attack, but there might still be a possibility of him having a stroke.

He still wasn’t sure that he wasn’t going to die. There was a very real possibility that that could still happen. No doubt in his mind.

The engine room was the last place to look. The captain doubted they fouled find anything serious in there, since the room was connected directly to the warp-core chamber, and no one should be dumb enough to mess around near the warp core.

He was partially correct.

They found the captain’s leg, and the captain’s dog.

They found Waffles, poor girl, sitting in the center of the room. The light tan of her fur had been died a bubblegum pink and her usual black collar had been replaced by a glittery bedazzled harness. Whoever had put her here hadn’t been a terrible person and left food and water for her.

With big mournful eyes she looked up at her captain head low tail wagging piteously sitting as she was above his bionic leg, which had been covered in zip ties.

“Hey girl.” He said, “What have they don’t to you, those terrible people.”

She seemed happy upon seeing him and perked up from her mournful state once she realized she wasn’t in trouble.

“Turned my dog pink.” The captain grumbled in annoyance as he examined the dog’s fur.

The expression he gave the bionic leg was not dissimilar to the dog’s mournful expression, “That will take forever to remove.

***

Things died down towards nightfall, and while the captain’s dog was still pink, he had at least released his leg from the zip ties, and was back to moving around the ship on his own power.

Krill was finally coming down from his stress high.

One of these days he was just going to drop dead, and he almost did walking into his office to find someone had plastered pictures of ballerinas all around the room. Everyone knew that they freaked him out, and apparently they thought it would be funny to continue the growth of his potential aneurysm

Krill wasn’t sure the real point of this, “Holiday or Tradition” the humans seemed to think it was downright hilarious, but some of it was pretty mean intended to scare or even hurt the other humans. No one seemed to mind too greatly, and most of them admitted to enjoying the day congratulating others on proper prank execution.

Chief Warrant Officer McKay was still shedding glitter, and admitted doubts that she would ever fully rid herself.

Krill wasn’t totally sure what glitter was, but he definitely hoped the humans wouldn’t realize its potential application for bio warfare. If glitter got everywhere than what would stop someone from using it as a delivery system for terror.

The thought made him shiver.

 Thank you everyone for reading. I was honestly thinking at first that the crew member dressed as a dinosaur would be wearing a costume like they used for the Jurassic park movies, but I realized the idea would be much funnier if they were just using one of those blow-up dinosaur costumes. You know the ones I am talking about