#just tired of the grind of posting to a void

[genericpuff]

at this point with all of the IRL art markets i've done where i've made genuine connections and the fact that this tumblr is probably the most successful thing i've run almost ENTIRELY in secret, i'm ready to just tell people to put in the effort to find my art on their own damn time because i'm done with the self-promo social media bullshit ╰（‵□′）╯

[yoonieper]

Helping Hand | JJK

Sometimes all you need is a helping hand.

♡ Pairing: Jungkook x Reader (also a teeny bit of Jimin x Reader)

♡ Genre: Roommate AU, Best Friend AU, Best Friends to lovers, Smut, Fluff, Angst???? 

♡ Rated: D for Down Bad 

♡ Warnings: Lotte concert 2019 Jungkook, PTD concert black swan Jimin (yes these are warnings), Y/N needs some dick, jk is also pretty down bad, mentions of past substance abuse, mentions of depression, mentions of character death, very brief and vague mentions of su*cidal thoughts, this fic is heavy and horny please beware, jk a lil bit of a dummy, masturbation, semi public sex(ish), grinding, car sex, cumming in pants, fingering, oral (m + f receiving), overstimulation, protected sex (follow they lead kiddies), gets cute towards the end I promise~ 

♡ Word Count: 23.4k

♡ Summary: A double blind date was your suggestion. Everything about it should make him happy, but this sinking feeling just won’t go away. All he wanted was to get it over with. 

♡ Now Playing…: X by Tinashe, Backseat by Khalid, and Good Days by Sza 

♡ Author’s Note: A story from the vault of the 2020 works I started but never published! This was meant to be posted on Valentine's Day, but life got in the way so I’m just posting it now instead of keeping it for another year. Let’s just pretend 🤡 Happy Valentine’s Day to all the couples out there, and for all my singles, we’ll get ‘em next year 😩✊🏽 Also a big thank you to @kth1 for the graphics and @jessikahathaway for reading over this for me! 

No reposting, modifying. Translating is not allowed unless given explicit permission. Thank you so much :D

Fuck everything.

It was dismal that these were the first words that came to mind as you stepped out of your last class for today. 

To put it frankly, this day has not treated you kindly. 

These feelings of deep anguish were all caused by the simple fact that it was Valentine's Day. Couples everywhere were trapped in a lovestruck trance by the holiday, wanting to do anything and everything to celebrate. You had nothing against it but you were not in the right mental state to handle all of the affection. It made going anywhere unbearable, promotions for the perfect date spots all over campus, posts all over social media about your friends going out with their partners, every corner you turned you couldn’t escape it. 

After your classes, you were tired of it all. It just made the journey back to your little apartment even more exhausting. Lovey-dovey couples holding hands, kissing, being together everywhere you looked had made you so riled up to the point where you were even considering calling your ex, Incheol, to help fill that void. 

Why were you so hot and bothered? Sure all the PDA can get to any single person, especially on Valentine’s Day, but what got you to the point of even considering going so low as to call your ex again just to get some dick? 

It’s just been a long year.

It’s not that you wanted to go this long without sex, but it just ended up that way. After your break up with Incheol you really just weren’t in the mood to look for anyone else. 

When you first started college, you couldn’t really be tied down. You partied and whoever held your attention long enough was yours for the night. Unintentionally, you started a bit of a crusade with different guys around campus because of this. You didn’t want to, but you were just too busy for anything more than a one night stand. It was that way until you met Incheol. He was your first serious boyfriend and it was a nice, satisfactory relationship. You made some really great memories together, even the break up was clean. 

It sounds amazing on paper, but it made it hard to jump back in and start seeing other people. By the time you were even considering going out on dates again, preparing for law school began to take up all your time. 

In turn that left you with no dick for a year.

You swear if you see one more couple stuffing their tongues down each other’s throats, you might actually go insane. Lucky for you, your apartment wasn’t too far from campus, an 8 minute bus ride was all it typically took to get back home. It wasn’t too long before you were busting down the door ready to break something.

“Jungkook!!” You called, a strong sense of agitation in your voice as you kicked off your shoes, knowing you needed your best friend for support. 

You two had been friends since high school. It was when you both got accepted to colleges in the same city, after talking it out a little, you decided it would just be easier to share an apartment when you moved to Seoul. Now it’s been a little over 4 years since you’ve moved in together and became the best friend and roommate dynamic duo. 

You were first greeted with the sight of his shirtless back, the tattoos all along his right arm on full display, his fluffy hair was sticking up in all different directions, telling you he was likely just getting up. 

Jungkook was hunched over the counter eating his cereal, nothing strange, but you were in no condition to see him like that. 

“Jungkook?” You questioned seeing the peculiar state he was in. You hadn’t even seen his face yet and you could already tell he was exhausted. 

“Oh Y/n you’re back…” He sounded so drained. 

“Yeah classes are over for me, you didn’t go today?” You wondered, though the answer was pretty obvious. 

He shook his head and laughed tiredly. “Not after the night I had.” Hearing that all you could do was roll your eyes. You knew exactly what happened last night. 

“And whose fault was that Jungkook, you were the one who had to play and I quote ‘just one more round of cyber hunter,’ which judging by how you look now, wasn’t just one more round.” You recounted. 

See the two of you, though you were best friends, have some things about you that are just polar opposites. Jungkook was creative, you used logic. He liked the cold while you liked it warm. He was neat, you were oftentimes a mess despite your love for cleaning. He liked to procrastinate everything to the last minute, and you always made sure you were never behind schedule. Polar opposites in some cases, but over the years you’ve learned that it can be beneficial at times.

“Do you have to lecture me? I'm still like half asleep, it’s too early for this shit.” He sighed, eating another spoonful of cereal. You were not really in the mood to fight him, you needed someone to rant to anyways. 

You kept your mouth shut as you took a seat at one of your bar stools. “So did you finish?” You finally questioned. 

He nodded slowly. 

“2 minutes before the deadline, I've never felt so stressed in my life.” He chuckled lightly. You almost fell off your barstool. 

When you had asked Jungkook about his project when he was playing cyber hunter instead of working, he would always brush you off and say “It’s not due till before class starts, I have plenty of time~” The fact that he finished 2 minutes before means that he was working until 7:58 this morning. 

“Jungkook what did I tell you–“

“I know, you’re right, but I had things under control until I fell asleep color grading… it set me back like an hour and–” he rubbed his eyes “–and then you–” Jungkook’s eyes widened realizing what he was about to say and stopped himself real quick. 

He must be out of his mind or more exhausted than he thought, thinking about telling you about last night. “I– I uh got distracted…” he simply put, not wanting you to know how complicated his feelings were right now. 

Seeing you in front of him now already had his mind remembering the events of last night.

Jungkook put his spoon back in his bowl with a loud clunk. He only got a mere 4 hours of sleep after pulling an all-nighter, he was beyond tired. You could tell.

“And this Jungkook is why you should stick to the schedule I make.” You pointed to the board on the wall beside you. 

In efforts of organizing your assignments and remembering the countless deadlines you had, you started writing everything down on this whiteboard. You found it extremely helpful and when Jungkook, after seeing you use it when he was hanging out in your room, pondered the idea of doing it for his own work. Well, you took the initiative of buying a bigger whiteboard and sticking it up in the kitchen so you both could use it. 

Jungkook fell into the habit of writing everything down a lot quicker than you thought he would. He said it was helping him out but complained about still coming too close to deadlines that you decided to help him out by giving him advised deadlines in order to combat procrastination. It worked a lot better at first but despite your efforts you still found him in his room rushing to get things done last minute more often than not. 

“I know you’re right, I’m sorry,” he sighed.

Your brows furrowed. “You don’t need to apologize,” you tried to laugh. You were expecting a snarky remark, not an apology. 

“I’m still so out of it I’m sorry, I can’t think straight at all. Anyway, did you need something? You sounded pretty angry when you walked in,” he chuckled weakly. 

You were still a bit worried. “We can talk later if you’re not up for it…” 

Jungkook shook his head. “What’s up?” You eyed him suspiciously but you decided to continue. 

You took a deep breath. 

“I’msofuckinghornyI’msorryIknowthat’stoomuchinformationbutit’sbeensohardgettingthroughthedayandIthinkI’mthisclosetolosingmymind.” You sobbed. 

Jungkook nearly choked on his cereal. 

“You’re— You’re what?!” He coughed, somehow understanding your convoluted sentence. 

“It’s been hell, Jungkook. It’s Valentine’s Day and all the couples on campus have been all over each other and—” you laid your head on the counter. “I’m so lonely.” You whined.

Oh, did he know.  

Jungkook’s been trying his best to tell himself that last night was just a delusion, so tired and out of it that he imagined everything that happened in the wee hours of the morning.

His eyes had been heavy, the lights in his room all off besides his computer screen sitting righting in front of him, sharply illuminating his features. He was barely awake at that point, his eyes glassy, and probably had a concerning red tint to them, but he was determined to work hard to make sure every scene was colored the way he wanted it to be. 

It had been faint at first. His noise canceling headphones drowned out most of the sound, but he swore he could hear the faint buzzing sound coming from the wall in front of his desk. It wasn’t until the moans started that he finally took them off and understood what was happening. 

His face had flushed realizing what he was hearing. You were… 

Oh. 

He told himself it was just out of pure human curiosity that his ears tuned into the sounds next door. Even without the headphones it was faint, but it was just enough that he could hear the little groans, moans, even the way you whined, fuck. It was enough that something scary started to stir inside of him so he quickly put back on his headphones to drown it out. 

Jungkook tried to get back to work, pretending that everything was normal, but even with his headphones on he could hear you. His fingers typed away on his keyboard, his leg bounced restlessly, because the more time passed the tighter his pants seemed to get.

He tried not to think about it but with your moans growing louder, the longer he couldn’t pretend. 

You sounded so pretty. 

It was awful, you were his fucking best friend. He could have easily turned on some music, or actually listened to the contents of the project he was working on, but he never did. The more he listened the harder it was to ignore the quickly developing problem in his pants. He was so fucking hard and you sounded so sexy. 

At some point, lust took control, completely forgoing the morality of the situation, he found himself throwing off his headphones, forgetting about his project, and slipping his hands in his pants. Any sense of self control out the window. 

At first he tried to reason with himself and say he was just trying to ease the ache but as soon as his hand wrapped around the shaft, he was a goner. 

With a hand over his mouth, Jungkook pumped himself hard and fast, your pretty moans on the other side of the wall made it way too hard to try and control himself.

So many thoughts were bouncing around his head. He imagined how you might look on the other side, a toy between your legs, as you tried your best to get yourself to cum. He imagined going over to your room, helping you, fuck would you want that? He knew he could make you feel so good if you just let him. Thoughts of getting the chance, oh he knew you would feel so good around him.

It was disgusting, you were his friend, but the tabooness of the situation turned him on even more. He should have been ashamed. 

He was, but in the moment he didn’t feel it at all. As the sounds of your moans grew relentless, he couldn’t take it anymore. It wasn’t long before his orgasm was hitting him like a freight train, he spilled all over his hand, shirt, and pants. He had never come that hard before and all it took was the sounds of his best friend behind a wall. 

As his breathing slowed, the regret was quick to creep in. 

What the fuck did he do? 

What was the worst though was that little voice that told him it was real, and how much he truthfully enjoyed hearing you. 

He must be down bad too because he crossed some serious boundaries last night… 

Jungkook felt his face heat up at the thought. 

“—and so now I’m like, what should I do?” Jungkook suddenly fazed back into your rambling. 

“Huh?” 

“I was saying what should I do? Here I am single on Valentine’s Day, hornier than I should be admitting… Like Jungkook, it's seriously been a year!” You cried and you didn’t miss when he mumbled “You’re not alone” as he was sipping up the last of the milk in the bowl.

You looked at him wide eyed. “You too? I thought for sure that...”

Jungkook shook his head. “I’ve been trying so hard to get back on track that I… I didn’t want to get distracted.” You slowly nodded, understanding. 

Jungkook had been through a lot this past year to put it lightly.

It started back in your first year. While you were going around enjoying the party scene, hooking up with pretty much anyone you could, Jungkook had managed to get himself a girlfriend soon into the year. 

You remember they were pretty much together all the time. He was hardly at your shared apartment and anytime he was, she was right there with him. Yoona was her name. You were honestly convinced that they would get married someday, the couple seeming to be the perfect pair. They lasted for nearly two years. It was up until one day you came home later than you normally would, to hear the two of them arguing inside. 

You were nosy and a little tipsy, so you began eavesdropping behind the door. You were shocked at the words thrown at each other, and you’re almost sure you heard your name come up in the mix (though you chalk that up to the alcohol). Whatever happened Yoona stormed out leaving you to deal with an upset Jungkook who was on the brink of tears. 

You still blame yourself for convincing him to go over to her place a few weeks later to talk to her. You remembered being surprised by Jungkook being back so soon, but what you remember even more was the slam of his room door only seconds after. It took a good week to get Jungkook out of his room and tell you that he found her with another guy, who was a close classmate and mutual friend apparently. 

Things just kept getting worse. 

It really was the day right after he told you that he got a call from his parents letting him know his uncle, someone who he had been so close to all his life, who had inspired him to pursue a career in the film industry, had been in an accident. You can’t say much from there because that’s pretty much all he told you before he was on the next train back to Busan. He called you a week later after you began blowing up his phone (you were worried) that his uncle had passed and that he needed his space. 

He was gone for about a little over two months. 

It was also around this same time that you started to get involved with Incheol. He was there when the apartment felt so empty and honestly he was the one who really helped ground you and get your priorities straight. It was a match made in heaven.

You were cuddling up with Incheol one day when you heard the knock at the door. You still can’t forget the shock that you felt on the day that Jungkook came back. 

He was back, yes, but the moment he seemingly brushed right past you, paying really no notice to you or Incheol who was looking confused on the couch, was when you realized he still was elsewhere and hurting. 

You tried to be there for him, you really did, but any attempts you had of getting close and talking about any issues failed every time. 

He was distant. 

You blame yourself though for not trying harder and letting Incheol sweep you off your feet the way he did, but it’s like you started seeing less and less of each as the days passed. 

You had no idea about what he was getting up to, where he was most of the time. It really didn’t feel like he came back from Busan. 

Any remnants of your friendship seemed few and far between until nearly halfway through your 2nd semester in your 3rd year. You had been getting ready for a date with Incheol later that day when you heard him come back, he was clearly disheveled and honestly looked so stressed. You decided to try once again asking him to talk to you and it was then that all the hardships of the last few months came rushing out. 

He told you everything. 

He told you how hard it was dealing with Yoona and his uncle’s passing at the same time. He told you the only reason he came back was because he missed you so much and that he had missing assignments starting to pile up. Apparently though, even after coming back to Seoul he just couldn’t seem to pull himself back together. 

Jungkook started doing shit he wasn’t proud of. He was partying, carelessly sleeping around, hanging out with people he knew he shouldn’t have, and he said he did things that he wasn’t even comfortable telling you (and he’s normally fine telling you everything). He let you know that he was also so behind in assignments that he had a meeting that day about them suggesting he drop the semester and that he risked getting kicked out of programs he worked his ass off to get into. He even said they were considering to expel him because of his sudden disappearance even after he explained the situation. 

It was that day when things began to take a turn. You assisted Jungkook in talking with his administrators to create a plan and helped him catch up on his assignments to finally get back on track. 

You were there with him through the dark days, trying your best to be by his side. You knew he wasn’t telling you everything that happened while you two were distant, at times he would completely isolate himself and shut you out. 

It was obvious there was more going on. Jungkook would sometimes lock himself in his room and you could just hear the torment that was happening behind that door. Sometimes all you could do was knock occasionally to make sure he was ok. You made him food and would stay by his door to try to let him know you were here for him. Other times he would tell you openly about the depression he was battling and would just want an ear to vent to. He was always vague, but you made sure you were a shoulder he could lean on. You even helped pay for him to get professional help, sensing he needed it, and the fact he wasn’t working at the time.

It was a rocky road, but after some time Jungkook started to convalesce. You started to see the life in Jungkook’s eyes that you didn’t realize you missed so much until one day when you randomly started crying when you both decided to take a break and watch a movie together. 

He was just critiquing the movie as he usually would, but it just made you realize that he was back. 

This whole thing did have some consequences for you though. As you were busy helping Jungkook, you started having less and less time to balance Jungkook, work, school, and a boyfriend. After a while it was decided that you and Incheol were drifting apart and it was best to just end things. 

As much as you knew it was the right decision, it still hurt because you really did care for him. You found yourself in Jungkook’s arms more than once as you cried your eyes out, binge watching your favorite series over and over again. 

Since then though, it really has just been you and Jungkook. You both would sometimes hang out with your other friends, but after everything that happened you just seemed to not be apart too often. 

“Well I guess that means we’re both desperate, am I right?” You chuckled lightly. 

“Too right,” he sighed. 

Silence seemed to come in between you two, but your mind was busy trying to come up with some sort of solution. 

“Wait… I have an idea.” You enthusiastically got up from your bar stool, a habit of needing to stand whenever you were working things out in your brain. Jungkook smiled when he noticed.

“What if we set each other up?” You looked at him but you could tell he was still very much so confused. 

“Listen listen listen. So what if we set each other up with some of our friends, like maybe you have a friend who would be interested in me, and I know I definitely have a friend who likes you. We pick a day to meet up and…” You voice got all sultry, trying to hint at the result of your glorious plan. 

Jungkook didn’t miss the way his heart tightened at your proposition. 

“Like a double date would be perfect. We could have fun and go out together which I think we desperately need. I could meet with one of your friends and you mine. We could hang out together, separate later in the night and, if things go well, we both get laid. Jungkook, I think I really might be a genius.” You bounced around, your eyes trained on him to see what he thought. 

Jungkook was just waiting for that sense of enthusiasm to hit. It was a great idea, but the more he thought about it, the more that tightness in his chest seemed to get worse. Why wasn’t he excited? He should be as happy as you were. 

Maybe it’s just because it’s been awhile? 

Jungkook forced a smile. “I’m down.” 

You smiled. 

“Ok so let's surprise each other. I already have the perfect girl in mind. She’s your type personality wise, she’s really pretty, and I know for a fact she likes you so you can have full confidence in me that you’ll have a great time, ok!” You reassured him. 

“That sounds nice.” Jungkook didn’t mean it, and he didn’t do a good job of hiding it.

“Do you have anyone in mind for me?” You questioned, honestly a little curious.

There’s that weird feeling again…

“Ummmm I think so, I’ll have to check with him though…” Jungkook shyly rubbed the back of his neck. 

He did for a fact have someone in mind. He had no doubt that he’d make time to come and he knows that you’re his type. 

Jungkook shouldn’t be feeling like this at all. He’s helping out his friend and you’re helping him out. And it’s not like he isn’t horny, because if last night proves anything, he definitely needs to get laid. 

He couldn’t seem to pinpoint why he would rather spend an evening with you watching another season of the Great British Baking Show than out at a club for an easy hookup. 

He was never the type to hate parties. Sure he was definitely an introvert and you’re the opposite, but he’s always had a great time going to them secretly whenever you would drag him along. Especially with the circumstances, he should actually be excited for this… 

Definitely something was wrong with him. 

Maybe it’s the lack of sleep? 

“Ok! Let me know as soon as you can so I can start planning~” He couldn’t stop smiling this time at how enthusiastic you get about planning. The look on your face had him feeling all warm inside. 

“Anyway, I have work to do so let me go ahead and get a head start!” You smiled, grabbing your bags. 

“Go get some sleep, I’ll fix dinner later so you don’t have to worry.” Jungkook felt his heart warm, a fluttery feeling spread throughout his body. 

He was undoubtedly the better cook between the two of you. He usually took it upon himself to fix dinner and sometimes even lunch if you were around. It’s not like you were horrible, it’s just the difference was that Jungkook liked to cook, and you did it because you had to. He would know certain spices, recipes, and would always add that ‘love’ to your dishes that had your eyes watering with how good they were. It was because of this that Jungkook took up cooking for the both of you pretty much every night. You would never hesitate though in taking up that duty whenever you were needed. 

“Thank you~” He meant it. He really couldn’t ask for a better roommate. 

And with that you were off to your room. 

Jungkook quickly put his bowl in the sink before scurrying off to his room. 

Only a little bit of light was shining in from the crack he put in his blackout curtains. The dim mood had him both sleepy and confused as hell. 

His mind was busy playing the events of last light over and over again. Your moans were still echoing in his head clear as day. 

This and the discussion he had with you had him realize just how horny he really was. 

It really has been a little over a year since he’s even been touched in that way. 

Maybe that’s why he was thinking about you so much, why last night he wanted to watch you, would have liked even better to help you. He needed someone badly because his best friend should not ever get mixed up in his sexual fantasies no matter how desperate he is. 

This thought had Jungkook quickly shooting a text to Jimin about them hanging out tomorrow. He’s got to make this happen if he’s ever going to get you out of his head. 

That’ll solve everything. He’s sure of it.  

❛ ━━━━━━･❪ ❁ ❫ ･━━━━━━ ❜

“That’s your roommate?!” The loud exclamation seemed to reverberate throughout the spacious apartment.

Jungkook tried to shush him. 

“And best friend, yes, yes she is.” 

They had paused the game they were playing together when Jungkook finally brought up the question he came to ask. His hyung was quick to ask for a picture and Jungkook pulled up your latest post on your Insta.  

Jimin looked at the phone and back at Jungkook, absolutely baffled. “Are you sure?” 

Jungkook rolled his eyes.

He sighed, a little confused why that was so hard to believe, and switched to a picture of you two together. It was the day you went out to celebrate finals being over last year. 

Jimin brought the phone way too close to his face tryna see if he saw any signs of editing. “Either this is the greatest prank ever or Jungkook your best friend is…” Jimin did that thing where he rubs his thumb over his nose and a giddy smirk couldn’t seem to leave his face. 

“Double, triple yes to that double date thing.” He quickly agreed.

Jungkook noticed the way his heart seemed to do a tug of war. That weird feeling he’s been having ever since you suggested this plan was back, but he was happy this means that he is closer to the end of this madness. 

While Jungkook was out of it, Jimin already had managed to get your Insta and switched to his phone so he could shamelessly stalk. 

“You guys hang out a lot?” He questioned. 

“Huh?” Jungkook snapped out of it. 

“You’re in most of the pictures she posts.” 

Jungkook smiled at that thought for some reason. “I mean yeah, we live together and we’re best friends.” 

Jimin nodded. 

He managed to scroll all the way down to a photo session you had when you and a friend went back to Busan for a beach trip. Jungkook felt his face warm at the sight of you in your simple black bikini, but his attention went more to Jimin who was enjoying the sight a little too much. 

Jungkook snatched his phone. 

“I’m right here.” Jungkook scoffed. 

“I was just trying to find pictures where you weren’t in them.” 

“But do you have to look at her like that?!” Jungkook didn’t even realize the words that came out of his mouth until Jimin’s face started to morph into something unreadable. 

“Jungkook… Nothing ever happened between you two?” He finally questioned, sensing something suspicious was going on. 

Jungkook shook his head, almost appalled that he even thought that. 

That seemed to connect the dots in Jimin’s mind. “You sure you don’t like her or something?” 

Jungkook felt his face heat up. “N-No-No, why would you even say that?” The accusation made him more flustered than it should. 

“Jungkook I’m not an idiot, you guys spend so much time together so I’m sure you guys get along well, she’s very very pretty, I don’t see a reason why you wouldn’t like her…” To Jimin it honestly seemed more strange if he didn’t like you. 

Jungkook turned toward the window, the city shining bright down below as the sun continued to go down. “We’re just friends.” His voice was static, but the words still affected him for some reason. 

Jimin looked at him questionably “Right... so you’ve never liked her?”

Jungkook turned back to his hyung “No-Well, I mean…” 

He leaned in intrigued. “That’s a yes, now tell me.” 

Jungkook sighed. “I mean… Back in highschool—“  

“HIGHSCHOOL?” Jimin nearly screamed.

Jungkook tried to shush him again. “I told you about how I moved right before my second year?” 

Jimin nodded. 

“Well it was when we were just getting to know each other. I’m pretty quiet so it was a little hard for me to make friends, but she was there and we got close and—“

“You caught feelings?” Jimin finished.

Jungkook nodded hesitantly 

“And how long was this for?” 

“When we moved in together. We had our separate lives so we weren’t as close as we used to be, plus I started dating Yoona around that time so–“

“Wait wait wait wait… so you liked her for 2 years?” 

“More like a year and a few mont–“ 

“Jungkook I don’t care about specifics, that wasn’t just like a little crush that went away, you liked her for a long time.” 

“It was highschool.”

“Highschool my ass, feelings are feelings. Now are you sure you don’t like her, or better yet, those feelings ever even went away in the first place?” 

“Yes I’m sure.” Jungkook noticed the way his voice wavered. He didn’t expect that to come out like that…. it made him seem so unsure of himself. 

“Ok then give me back my phone, I’m Insta stalking your cute friend or should I say my cute date~” 

Jungkook hesitantly handed his hyung’s phone back. 

A weird feeling buried deep somewhere spread throughout his body as he watched his friend oogle you. 

He must be going insane…

❛ ━━━━━━･❪ ❁ ❫ ･━━━━━━ ❜

“Wait wait wait, you’re kidding?!” Eun Ae nearly screamed in the middle of the cafe. 

You gave her an ugly stare telling her to be quiet. 

“Sorry, but I never thought I had a chance with your “roommate.”” She sat back in her chair, amazed. 

“What do you mean? You’re totally his type.” You said remembering the girls you’d see Jk hang around when you used to party together. “And what’s with the quotations? You know he’s my best friend.” 

Eun Ae burst out laughing “I thought you guys were together or something if I’m being honest.” 

Your heart did a flip. “Why’d you think that?” 

Eun Ae put down her latte. “I see you guys leave together sometimes and I thought you were dating!” She rolled her eyes at your confused look “I see the way you look at him, I seriously thought you were in love.” 

“I mean of course I like him, he’s my best friend, but nothing more ok.” You chuckled nervously.

“Hmmmmm, if you say so.” She looked like she didn’t believe you but decided not to push the subject anymore. 

“Anyway we should go out and get some things for this weekend.” You smiled liking the idea of that, it really has been a while since you’ve been out. 

“Yeah, I’m free tomorrow if that’s good with you.” You mentioned.

“Yeah that works for me.” She responded by taking a sip of her latte. “By the way, where did you get your necklace? It’s pretty.” 

You looked down at the small heart shaped diamond and smiled. “Jungkook gave me it yesterday so I have no idea, I can ask for you though.” You saw your friend’s eyes widen. 

“He gave that to you? On Valentine's Day?” She looked at you a little funny and it had your cheeks warming up. 

“Yeah…” 

You thought back to it. Jungkook had finally come out of his room later that evening after you told him dinner was ready. You were shocked to find him coming out with a velvet box in hand. 

“It’s nothing too special, just wanted to give you something after all you’ve done for me.” He opened the box to reveal the little Diamond. You had to admit, your heart fluttered at the gesture. 

Eun Ae just laughed. “And you’re sure there’s nothing going on between you two?” 

“Yes.” Looking at it now, it did look pretty romantic. But no, this was Jungkook who gave this to you, he would never see you that way.

“And you’re sure Jungkook doesn’t like you?” Eun Ae asked, putting her hands on the table. 

“Jungkook?” You just laughed. “No, I don’t think he’d ever be into me.” 

“You don’t think? Maybe you’re just an idiot and can’t realize that her best friend is seriously crushing on her?!” Eun Ae practically yelled. 

“Yah!” You tried shushing her, realizing people were starting to look over in your direction. 

“I don’t know Y/n this is pretty suspicious if you ask me. But whatever, I’m still down for the double date. This still just seems like a bad idea but…” She raised her cup.

“To hoping we get lucky~” She smiled and you held your cup as well and clinked it together.

❛ ━━━━━━･❪ ❁ ❫ ･━━━━━━ ❜

The weekend came quicker than expected. It was weird, but Jungkook tried to get as excited as you were. He would see you happily bouncing around the apartment, counting down the days, but he wasn’t feeling the same way whatsoever. As the big day finally approached, the more that weird feeling seemed to get worse. He just wasn’t into it as much as you were, part of him wanted to tell you to cancel but he couldn’t ask that seeing how happy you were. 

Instead he just tried to keep his eyes on the prize. Make it through the date, maybe get laid, it’s Sunday. He had no doubt in your pick, he knew this date wouldn’t be an absolute dumpster fire and hard to get through. You wouldn’t do that to him. 

Why did he feel so weird? Maybe it’s just nerves about getting back out there? That became his next excuse he latched on to. It really had been a while. He wasn’t the most social guy so things like this can be a bit nerve racking. 

That had been his mantra. You’re just nervous, you’ll have fun once you get there. Over and over again, he would try to tell himself, but that didn’t make it go away. 

The day still came and he couldn’t escape the sinking feeling he felt as he drove over to Jimin’s apartment. You had decided it would be better if you would arrive separately, making the meeting an even bigger surprise once you all would make it to the club. 

When his hyung made it downstairs, as he was getting in, Jungkook felt the strangest mix of emotions. He was nervous, extremely nervous, and that sinking feeling was there. Why couldn’t he be excited? At the very least this was still the first time he was getting out in a year. The only thing he could think about was you. 

“Ooooo Jeon Jungkook. You clean up nice~” Jimin awed after he got settled into the car. This was also going to be the first time he was going out with Jimin. Jungkook would come over sometimes to mostly hang out at his place, but they never have gone anywhere together. 

Jungkook looked down at his outfit. He was wearing a suit accented with thin sparkly stripes and a simple black button up tucked into his pants. He permed his long hair a few days ago and now it was filled with these loose curls. It was a look for sure. 

Jungkook just laughed. “Y/n did most of this actually…” He cheesed remembering you pretty much took control the minute he questioned what he was going to wear. 

His attention turned back to his hyung who was looking at him strangely. 

“What?” Jungkook questioned. 

“You got that look on your face…” Jimin pointed out. 

“What look?”

“When you said her name, your face got all funny.”

Jungkook looked appalled by the statement. “What are you talking about?!”

“You were like, Y/n did this for me~~~” Jimin said in a mocking tone, exaggerating the smile he noticed. “What’s up with that?”

“Nothing! You’re the one making it a thing… I don’t even sound like that.” Jungkook mumbled, turning away. 

Jimin just looked at him, and then turned away. “I still think this is a bad idea. You obviously like her.”

“…”

“Don’t even try and deny it, I’m not dumb.”

“I don’t.” Jungkook said calmly, but he sure didn’t feel that way. His palms were sweaty and all he could focus on was the way his body reacted when his hyung put so plainly that he liked her. He made it seem so easy, but that couldn’t be it. 

You were his best friend. Any and all feelings were left far back in the past. He couldn’t like you. It was out of the question—

“Alright I’m not fighting you on this anymore. If you don’t want to see it then whatever, I’m enjoying tonight.” Jimin sighed. 

That would be impossible. You were best friends, roommates, nothing more. Yes, he liked you in the past but that was then. You both have gone through life and over time he just didn’t feel the same way for you anymore. You were his best friend—

“Jungkook, are we gonna go? We’re already late…” Jimin finally asked, seeing the way he was just sitting there staring off into space. This finally got his attention and he started the car back up. 

That feeling was just getting worse and worse the closer they got to the club. At this point he really was only going because of you. Everything in his body was telling him to drive back to the apartment and sleep away whatever’s got him feeling this way. Was he sick? Maybe that was it… 

It wasn’t too far away from Jimin’s apartment and so they were pulling into the parking garage before he knew it. Too fast in his opinion. 

It took them a little while to find a parking space, the garage filled to the brim with cars on each level. Jungkook could already tell the club was probably going to be packed today, but it was to be expected a week after the infamous holiday of love. So many new couples, new romances, new flings all celebrating the start of a brand new journey. Love was still in the air here in Itaewon. 

As soon as Jungkook pulled in he noticed the giddy smile on his hyung’s face. In this moment he decided what he was feeling was envy. He wished he had the same excitement.

“You ready?” Jimin playfully slapped his arm. He was beaming.

“Ready as I’ll ever be.” Jungkook’s voice was shallow and monotone. The difference in energy was uncanny. You wouldn’t think they were going to the same place.

“Where are the girls?” Jimin questioned reaching in his back pocket.

“Y/n texted me and she said they were at the front waiting for us…” Jungkook’s attention turned to his hyung who had taken out his wallet, looking through its contents. 

“ID… card… cash…” Jimin mumbled to himself, checking that he had everything. Jungkook was hardly paying any mind, too focused on trying to pep himself up for this date, until his eyes spotted the condom in one of the pockets. 

Jungkook’s grip on the steering wheel tightened. That sinking feeling seemingly exploding to new heights. 

“What’s up with you?” Jimin noticed the way Jungkook sighed and the way he wasn’t even looking at him anymore. 

“Nothing… just hurry up please.” 

“Ooo, is Jungkookie excited for his date?” Jimin tried to tease, but there was no laugh, not even a chuckle from the younger one. This was just getting depressing at this point. 

“Jungkook. Are you sure you’re ok?” Jimin’s tone turned to concern. 

“Yes, I told you I’m fine.”

“It doesn't take rocket science to see that you’re obviously not.” 

“…” 

“What’s wrong?”

“…” 

“Is it Y/n?” 

“I told you it’s not about her!” Jungkook’s voice was a little too high saying that. 

“Then what is it then? You’ve been all mopey since you picked me up.” 

“…” 

“Jungkook…” 

“I don’t know why I feel this way.” It was annoying, he was annoyed at himself. He was already ruining the fun and they haven’t even left the car yet.

“Hey.” Jungkook felt Jimin put his hand on his shoulder. He was surprised to see him look so serious. 

“I know you’ve been through some rough times and this is the first time you’re going out in a while. Do you think it may be that?” Jimin was truly concerned at this point. 

Jungkook sighed and looked out the window. 

“I know I’ve been making jokes about you and Y/n but if this is really about you being out again…” Jimin’s eyes were full of worry as he started rubbing small circles across his back. “Is that what it is?” 

“Maybe,” He was definitely nervous about doing this again, there was no doubt about that. “But don’t worry about me.”

“Are you sure?” 

“Yeah, I just need to get used to being back. I’m pretty sure it’ll go away as soon as we get inside. You just focus on your date with Y/n. She’s been excited to meet you.” He tried to force a smile. 

He noticed his hyung’s giddy smile at the thought. “She has?”

“Yes, now don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine. I’m sure I’ll have a good time.” He was trying to convince himself more than Jimin. 

“Alright, but let us know if it gets to be too much.”

“Hyung…”

“Ok ok ok ok, let’s go! Didn’t you say we were late?” Jimin asked as he opened the car door. Jungkook took a deep breath before doing the same. 

“Yeah we are. We should probably run or Y/n’s never going to forgive me.” And with that the two friends made their way out the garage building and across the street. 

It only took his eyes a second of searching before he spotted you and your friend already in line to get in. Jungkook grabbed Jimin’s hand and pulled him to catch up with the both of you. 

“Y/n!” Jungkook called out and your eyes immediately met with his. You smiled and waved them both over. By the time they made it to you, they were noticeably out of breath. 

“You finally made it…” You sighed in relief. Your eyes trained on Jungkook checking over his outfit, noticing he put on what you picked out. He looked good, well good would be an understatement, but he wasn’t your date tonight. 

Your eyes traveled over to the slightly shorter man who was standing right beside him. You smiled eagerly, silently thanking Jungkook, he knew your taste exactly. 

His black hair was parted right down the middle, his long bangs cascading down his face and framing it perfect. Despite the cool chill of the February air, he wore black pants with a matching blazer held together only by a single button, a shirt underneath nowhere in sight. You even noticed the chain around his neck that continued down his body. If you didn’t know any better you would have sworn Jungkook’s friend was a Greek god or something. 

While you were gawking at Jimin, Jungkook’s eyes were glued to your form. He hadn’t seen you get dressed before you left. You were wearing a simple, tight-fitted, red dress that showed off your curves perfectly. Jungkook could hardly remember the last time he had ever seen you this dressed up. He didn’t try to show it but he was shocked. You looked really good… 

He certainly wasn’t the only one who thought so. 

His eyes went to his hyung to see he was shamelessly checking you out, before happily smiling at you. He was already putting on that natrious Jimin charm. His gaze then went to yours who had that same giddy expression that for some reason made him want to punch a wall. 

“Hi, nice to meet you~ I’m Y/n!” You extended your hand to the handsome stranger and he eagerly grabbed it. 

“I’ve been excited to meet you beautiful~ I’m Jimin~” Jungkook felt his blood run cold at the nickname and the giggle you let out as a result. That wasn’t even funny, why were you laughing so hard? 

Too caught up with his own thoughts, he was a bit shocked when he felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned around and in that moment Jungkook remembered why exactly they were here in the first place. This was a double date. 

“Jungkook!” You came over and put your hand on your friend's shoulders. “Sorry I almost forgot, but this is Eun Ae and she’ll be your beautiful date tonight~” You smiled before returning back to Jimin’s side. 

Just as he knew your taste you also certainly knew what he liked as well. She was absolutely beautiful. Her face was round, the curve of her nose accenting her features, the red tint to her lips lured him in. Her skin was like porcelain, contrasting perfectly with her long black hair and dark eyes that held a sultry gaze that made him shiver. Her body was decorated with a gorgeous short, silver dress wrapped around her curves, the back low hanging down her body, making his simple brain lose it at the slightest piece of exposed skin. She really was just stunning. 

Maybe this really was exactly what he needed. 

He never doubted you when it came to picking his date, but just seeing how on the nose you managed to get it had him feeling all funny inside. You both really knew each other so well. 

“It’s nice to finally meet you. Y/n talks about you a lot.” Her voice was sweet and he liked it. Maybe this won’t be so bad, he could at least try and enjoy himself. But his growing hope dwindled when eyes traveled back over to you and Jimin who had his arm already wrapped around your waist. The two of you were already smiling, laughing, and the more he looked the more he wanted to leave and never come back. 

It wasn’t too long after that the four of you made it inside of the club. As he predicted the place was indeed packed, wall to wall was just a sea of people drinking, dancing, having fun with each other. It brought back a lot of memories. 

The times you would bring him out and you would party together. It feels like so long ago at this point. It was just yesterday you went to your first party as college students. He remembered how he watched you go crazy on the dance floor from the corner of the room. You had pestered him to dance with you, but he was shy and cared way too much what the sunbaes all around thought of him. That didn’t stop you though and he couldn’t stop the smile enveloping his face as he watched you and you watched him, still trying to get him to join you.

Jungkook shook himself out of the memory when he realized he had fallen behind the rest of the group. 

All of you talked and quickly came up with a game plan for the night. You all would eat dinner together real quick, hit the dance floor later, and sometime after that you would split up your double date for some alone time. 

With a little more waiting you all found yourselves in a circular booth, Jimin and Eun Ae got in first with you and Jungkook sitting next to them on the ends. You all ordered soon after.  

“You didn’t want a drink?” Eun Ae asked after the waiter left. Jungkook just shook his head. 

“This idiot thought it’d be a great idea to drive here.” You playfully teased. 

“Yeah I meant to ask you why didn’t we just take an Uber or something?” Jimin questioned. 

“What’s wrong with wanting to drive here?” Jungkook pouted and you instantly realized the reason. 

“Ah I got it. You just wanted to show off your new car, didn’t you?!” You pointed your finger at him and knew the way he started getting all shy that you got it right on the nose. Everyone at the table started to laugh. 

“I worked hard for it…” He tried to interject but everyone was too busy laughing to pay attention. He didn’t fight it though because as always you were right. After working many different part time jobs over the years, doing odd jobs for friends, and saving everything he ever earned, Jungkook was finally able to buy himself a pretty nice car a few weeks ago. A sleek black higher end Hyundai was what he got for the fruits of his labor. 

What’s so bad about wanting to show off a little? 

It wasn't the only reason though. Driving his car gave him an easy excuse to not have to drink. With a history as recent as his, he didn’t want to chance going back into that dark depressive hole that encompassed him for a few months. It’s not like he hasn’t had one since that time, but especially with how odd he’s been feeling these days, it was better not to chance it. 

The last thing he needed anyway was to drink himself into a hole. He didn’t want to do anything stupid in front of everyone. 

The waiter arrived soon with a plate full of brightly colored drinks and Jungkook’s club soda. 

“So Jimin… I guess an easy first question… How do you and Jungkook know each other?” You were honestly curious. 

“College. We were in the same psychology class his first year and we’ve been friends ever since.” Jimin smiled thinking back to the shy kid that came up to him all those years ago.

“Jungkook, you need to tell me about your friends more often.” You reached across the table and hit his hand. How dare he keep this beautiful man from you for almost 4 years? 

“Look what happens…” Jungkook mumbled but there wasn’t any way anyone would be able to hear him with the loud music playing. 

“Tell me about yourself then~” You turned back over to Jimin with doting eyes. Even in the dim light Jungkook could tell his hyung was already flustered. 

Oh no. 

“Uhhh well, I’m Park Jimin. I grew up in Busan just like you both. Um, I went to the same college as Jungkook. I was in the dance department though and—“ 

Jungkook felt a tap to his shoulder. “What about you Jungkook, what do you study?” Eun Ae asked which made his own cheeks flush. It wasn’t for the same reason as his hyung though. 

“Film Production.” He answered back shyly. 

“It was one of my last shows I did before I graduated that I was scouted for the show I’m currently doing.” He watched as you gleamed with excitement. That look on your face was exactly why he was embarrassed. Jimin was accomplished. 

Not even 2 years since he graduated yet and the man’s already made a name for himself in the modern dance world. Jimin landed himself a great gig as soon as he was free from college. It was a big production that was directed by someone Jungkook remembers was enough to get his hyung to squeal when he found out that they wanted him to play the lead role. 

There are billboards around Seoul with him and his dance partner, it was a really big show and he’s seen many of his classmates and many other people on various social medias talk about it. You could even say that it’s gone a little viral— a young, hot, talented lead dancer in this production. People were definitely going to tune in. The one show alone managed to get him enough attention that he doesn’t even need to worry about what happens when production ends. Jimin told him how he already had a long list of coordinators who were wanting to have him in their next show. He was definitely still up and coming but he’s captured the eyes of the people, experts in the field, and best of all, a variety of directors. 

Jimin was accomplished, the most probably out of everyone graduating in his class. A few months ago he was even able to move into this really nice apartment, no roommate needed whatsoever. 

Jimin ended up explaining this to you all and Jungkook felt that sinking feeling continued to grow more and more. He hated seeing that look in your eye or the way you subtly would move a little closer as he kept adding more and more impressive stuff to his list. Jungkook grabbed his cup a little tighter, taking a long swig. 

Maybe he really shouldn’t have driven today, this wasn’t strong enough. 

“Ahhh! I knew you looked familiar!” Eun Ae smiled. “It took me a minute to place your face but a few of my friends have seen your show! I wanna go see it now.” Now even his own date was getting swooned by the amazing Park Jimin. 

How could he compete with that? 

All he had to his name was his Hyundai and student loan debt. He suddenly regretted bringing him here. 

Everyone’s eyes for the most part remained on Jimin even after their food got here. He continued to talk about his life, typical first date topics but Jimin was charming you and he knew that. You had that same stupid look that he remembers you had on your face whenever your ex was at the apartment. 

Jungkook was hardly there to see it but there were moments he remembers coming home to the two of you in the living room, your eyes gleaming as he talked, that weird laugh you would do whenever he’d make a horrible joke, or the way your hands had a habit of resting on his thighs. All he’s come to realize were telltale signs that you were in fact down bad. 

Jimin also had that same dopey look with you. You made sure to engage in any of the stories he would tell, adding your own anecdotes here and there before the conversation changed to be about you. You talked about your journey preparing for law school and Jimin had that same sparkle that you did in his eyes.

This was a match, Jungkook really nailed it with this one.

…

Sometimes Eun Ae would try and spark up a conversation with him, but usually they were all relatively short lived. It wasn’t like it was hard to talk to her, in fact it was quite the opposite. She would try and ask him general first date questions and a nice back and forth would get going. She would laugh and that would make him happy, he would as well sometimes. It was nice. 

But somewhere in the middle his attention would always drift back over to you and Jimin. Eun Ae would notice and the conversation would die out before it hardly began. He hated it. 

By the time everyone finished eating Jungkook wished for nothing more than to go home. The whole time that sinking feeling he’d hoped would go away only seemed to escalate further and further, this double date harder to get through than he could have imagined. He was too sober for this. 

It was you who suggested that you take your party over to the dance floor. Popular songs everyone knew were playing as the four of you made your way to the rainbow colored floor. Couples, friends, and singles all were having a blast moving their bodies to the sounds of the music. 

Your party made it through the thick crowd and managed to wedge yourselves in between everyone. You danced all together for a while, jumping around screaming the lyrics for any of the songs you guys knew. It was the first time Jungkook was fully able to enjoy himself, hoping this was finally the turn around he needed. 

It was that same feeling he used to have whenever you dragged him to parties when you both were in your first year. He missed it so much. Spending time with you and actually enjoying himself at places like this. 

That was until the DJ decided to switch it up. Instead of the fun, hype songs for everyone, the DJ announced that the next set was for all the new couples from Valentines Day. The songs transitioned perfectly, they were a little slower with very clear and obvious sexual undertones. 

Oh no. 

Jungkook watched as you smiled at him and Eun Ae before you decided to wrap your arms around Jimin’s neck. He wasn’t bothered by this at all and placed his hands on your hips. Even in the dim light he could see the flirty exchanges, the longing glances, and subtly touches. 

Taking him out of his dazed stare was Eun Ae grabbing his hand asking to dance with him. He tried to smile and pulled her close, but his mind was elsewhere.  

No… no he wasn’t gonna do this anymore. 

Jungkook turned them around so he couldn’t face you and Jimin and turned his full attention to the beautiful lady who was his date tonight. This seemed to be just what he needed to focus. 

The two of them talked, finally having an ongoing conversation. It was nice, very nice actually. Jungkook liked her, she was funny, pretty, so pretty actually. When the songs changed to slow dance he couldn’t help but pull her even closer. His arms were wrapped tightly her waist, his head buried in her shoulder. Jungkook was already planning the next time they might be able to meet each other. This is really all he needed, alone time, away from the others. He was happy.

But that didn’t last long. 

All it took was one glance over to realize they had turned around. In Jungkook’s peripheral he saw you two… You were just inches away from each other, your faces so close he had to look twice to see if you were… your arms were wrapped tightly around his neck, your fingers gently running through his hair, and Jimin’s grip on your waist had lowered even further to grab at your ass. He saw red.

Jungkook felt sick.

He quickly apologized before running to the bathroom. His heart was practically jumping out his chest, his skin burned with fire. As soon as the door closed he headed straight to the sink to splash some cold water on his face, hoping to soothe whatever this horrible feeling was. 

Jungkook looked at himself in the mirror. He couldn’t even recognize himself anymore. What was wrong with him? Was he actually sick? 

Jungkook thought back to you and Jimin and it took everything in him to not throw something. It was obvious at this point he was upset at the sight but why? He couldn’t even explain it, he should be happy for you?! You were his best friend and you were clearly having a great time. Fuck he hated it. Why him? Why was it Jimin? He couldn’t stand seeing the two of you together. Just the thought of it had him balling up his fist. 

Why was he so angry? Jungkook let out a loud sigh, not even caring who was in here with him. It hurt so much, that sinking feeling making him scrunch up his face tightly hoping he could just stop it. 

How far was tonight going to go for you? Would you smile at him the same way that Jungkook knows lights up a whole room? Would you laugh at all his jokes, no matter if they’re not funny or not? Would you let him make your heart flutter, that feeling of excitement that always comes from a new romance? Jimin was a great guy, of course you probably fell into that trap. Would you let him kiss you? Your hands pulling him close to feel your sweet lips, a heated desire that you couldn’t allow to continue any longer. 

He remembered the condom in his hyung’s wallet. 

Would you let him touch you? Your fervent hands grappling, touching, pulling, needing to feel each other closer than ever. Would you let him make you cum tonight? Your desperate pleas on the verge of release, ready for him to relieve all that pent up tension from the past year. 

Jungkook’s back hit the wall, the thoughts becoming overwhelming. This was his fault. All of this was his fault. If he wasn’t so pitiful last year you wouldn’t even be in this situation, you would probably still be happy with your boyfriend. You wouldn’t need to crave the touch of Jimin. 

But he didn’t want that either. 

Jungkook just wanted to go back to the way things were before. Just you and him. 

At this point he considered leaving right now. How could he go back out there and see you out there with him? He couldn’t. But that wasn’t fair to you and it certainly wasn’t fair to Eun Ae.

Jungkook sluggishly made it back to the main area of the club, instead of going back to the dance floor he just took a seat at the bar, resting his head at the counter. It was probably a second before he felt a tap on his shoulder. It was Eun Ae. 

She smiled at the shocked look on his face and went ahead and took a seat right next to him. It wasn’t long before you and Jimin were making their way over too. Jungkook hardly realized though, too focused on the way your hands were intertwined. 

“I guess this would be a great time to split up?” You smiled at them and Jungkook felt sick all over again. 

Eun Ae nodded. “You guys have fun~ We’ll just be over here.”

“Ok then…” Your gaze turned toward Jungkook. “Treat Eun Ae nice ok~” 

Jungkook tried to smile and he nodded. He really should have just left.

“We’ll be at the other end of the bar, bye guys!” Jimin beamed pointed to the opposite end. Everyone said quick goodbyes before Jimin was leading you off for some alone time. 

He hated this. 

“Sooooo…” Eun Ae started, but Jungkook was hardly listening, his mind swirling with too many thoughts.

He didn’t even notice when she ordered herself a drink or when she tried having a conversation with him. Jungkook would try his best to focus but his eyes would drift over to you and Jimin at the end of the bar.

He felt a tape on his shoulder. It was Eun Ae again. 

“Jungkook.” She sounded annoyed, her arms crossed. She had every right to be mad at him. “Is there something going on?” 

“What are you talking about?” 

“You’ve been looking at Y/n all night.” Eun Ae sounded less annoyed this time, in fact her grimmer turned into a smile. “It really isn’t hard to see that you like her.”

Jungkook felt his blood run cold. 

“Ahhh I should have seen it coming, you guys are so close and a guy like you is never just single.” She sighed, taking a swig of her drink. 

“I don’t like her.” Jungkook tried to say as dryly as he could. His words said one thing but his actions said another as his attention focused on the way Jimin took your hand and started leading you back into the sea of people. 

Eun Ae laughed, it was a hardy laugh like it was the best joke she ever heard. “You’re joking right?” She was wiping her eyes, trying to calm herself down. But Jungkook looked like he was dead serious. 

Her face fell. 

“Do you think I’m dumb?” She playfully hit his arm. “Jungkook, you've been looking at her all night. I don’t mean to brag but…” she gestured over herself “I look amazing tonight yet you haven’t been able to take your eyes off her! I can’t blame you though…” 

“We’re just friends, I’m serious.” Jungkook sounded so dejected. He surely felt that way. 

“Oookkkk, well go over there and confess, change that right now!” She pointed in the direction you left with Jimin. 

“But I can’t! I don’t like her like that, I can’t like her like that! She’s my best friend, that’s it.” Jungkook was a little too emotional in his words. Eun Ae just stared at him, accessing what the issue might be, but she finally realized the problem here. 

“Alright. Ok. Jungkook, you know it’s ok to have feelings for your best friend right? It’s Y/n too, she’s beautiful, funny, smart, you guys are best friends for a reason. Why are you treating it like it’s the worst thing in the world…” 

“I can’t lose her. Feelings make things complicated and the last thing I want to do is make things complicated with her.” Jungkook had no idea why he was spilling his guts right now. “But I really don’t like her like that so that doesn’t even matter…” He tried to save himself but Eun Ae was seeing right through it. 

“I understand these things can be scary. I know you guys have been friends for years now, taking that leap can be difficult. But Jungkook, you can’t keep doing this to yourself. It’s hurting you… at some point there will be a ‘too late.’” 

Too late…

Jungkook couldn’t resist at this point and ordered himself a shot of whiskey. It wasn’t enough whatsoever to get him drunk but he enjoyed the warmth as it went down his throat. He held his face in his hands as the reality of her words was starting to make things obvious. 

Just imagining you and Jimin together made his heart ache so much it made it hard to breathe. As much as he tried to convince himself this was all a product of just being a little too close over the last year, he would actually have to be stupid to realize it wasn’t that. 

But admitting it was a different challenge. Making it an issue he needed to address was terrifying.  

He didn’t say anything. Eun Ae didn’t either but rubbed his back gently. 

The revelation was horrifying. He was jealous, so so fucking jealous. Jimin had everything, but the one thing that was his Jimin had to come and take that too. 

“I don’t… I can’t like her…” 

“I don’t mean to be that person, but Jungkook… turn around.” Eun Ae pointed out. Jungkook turned around and it felt like his whole world ended. 

You and Jimin were in the far distance, even in the dim light he could see your back against one of the pillars in the club, your arms wrapped around Jimin as he kissed you passionately. 

In an instant he felt his heart shatter into two. It was like the end of his perfect world, the lie had come crumbling down and he was facing the consequences. You weren’t his, nothing about this scene was wrong, but the longer he looked the more his heart pounded in his chest. He wanted to scream, he wanted to cry, it was too much. 

Without thinking Jungkook got up to his feet and looked at Eun Ae.

“I’m sorry—“ 

“Go! I’m rooting for you!” She cheered and Jungkook was pushing himself through the crowd. 

He couldn’t think whatsoever, his heart being the one that carried his feet over to the two of you. Furry, anger, sadness, it hurt so bad. He could hardly breathe. Fuck, fuck, fuck, he can’t be too late?!

As he got closer the more he got sick. He could see the way Jimin eagerly ran his hands down your sides, grabbing anything you could, he could see the way your tongues danced around, the more detail the harder it was to look. If he didn’t get there soon he knew his hyung would be dragging you out of a club, inviting you back to his fancy apartment a few blocks away. 

The thought had him speeding up as he made it up the stairs and behind the two of you. He pulled Jimin off of you as quickly as he could, an obvious agitation and roughness to his actions. Immediately Jimin turned around, a little shocked to find Jungkook there, but he could hardly process it before Jungkook was grabbing your wrist. 

“What the–” 

“Sorry, I need to talk to Y/n.” He didn’t elaborate at all and, maybe a little too roughly, started pulling you toward the exit in the back.  

“Jungkook what the hell?” You were clearly mad at him and honestly you have every right to be, but Jungkook didn’t pay any attention and quickly led you to the doors at the back of the building.

He forced them open, the doors parting violently, as he led you down the ramp. Outside was an alleyway, a dim light over the door that would flicker occasionally, it being the only thing lighting up the area. The sounds of the loud music from the club faded as the doors shut behind you, but the violent booms of the bass in the music continued to bleed through the brick walls. No one was out here but the two of you. 

“Jungkook?! Hello?!” You called out and he abruptly let go of your wrist. He started pacing back and forth, seemingly very distressed. “I don’t know if you noticed but I was clearly in the middle of something!” You said even more annoyed that he wasn’t saying anything.   

Silence.

“Did something happen?” You asked a tad bit of concern in your voice this time, but all you got was more silence. 

“Jungkook, talk to me please!” You begged, getting even more frustrated. He just dragged you away from Jimin for seemingly no reason and all you got was silence. You were pissed, you wanted him to say something… anything. 

You didn’t know how the silence seemed to grow even louder. 

You had enough of his games.

“Ok… If that’s how you wanna be then…” You were mad and you made sure he knew that. 

You started heading for the ramp but a hand on your wrist pulled you back, suddenly your back was against the brick wall and Jungkook was closer than you remembered. A lot closer. His grip on your wrist was still tight and you both just stared at each other, your breathing heavy.

Your heart skipped a beat.

Jungkook didn’t give you much time to think about it because before you could process anything his lips were suddenly on yours. He didn’t know what he was doing, he didn’t know why he had brought you out here. You were with Jimin, but he didn’t want to think about that right now. Your lips were so soft and his entire body lit up with a fire he had never experienced in his life. 

This was it, everyone was right. 

The kiss didn’t last very long, he finally came to his senses to realize what he had done. 

Jungkook pulled away slowly, waiting for you to push him away, waiting for you to scream, waiting for that look on your face that told him you’d be moving out the next day, but none of that happened. Jungkook saw the look of surprise on your face for a split second. He searched your eyes for any indication of what you were thinking, but you didn’t give him much time to look because you used your hands to pull his face to yours again. 

Jungkook was shocked but was easily able to melt into it, him bringing a hand up to tilt your head so he could kiss you better. He had never felt like this before, the adrenaline was pumping through his veins making everything even more heightened. Your body, your lips, your hands, oh fuck your hands. They had moved to pull at the long strands that covered his head.  

Jungkook knew at that moment he couldn’t be your friend ever again. He liked this way too much for that to be possible.

You were so good, so beautiful, how had he not seen that before? Why hadn’t he done this before? 

Jungkook used his other hand to rest on your waist and pull your body closer. It just wasn’t enough, nothing was enough at this point, he wanted you so much closer. 

Jungkook sent you further into the wall, needing a better angle. You both got more antsy, fevorant touches all over, your lips hastily moving together, the tension that’s been building for years finally… he’s finally…

Jungkook pushed you even further, the hand on your hip going to your thigh and traveling up your soft skin, pushing your dress further up your leg. He needed you now, the desperation becoming too much at this point. 

Jungkook broke away from your lips to dive straight for your neck, planting hurried kisses along your burning skin. You gasped at the feeling and Jungkook ground into you at the sound. He wanted you to keep making pretty sounds for him. 

He decided to suck a little harder this time and the moan you made had him hurriedly chasing his hips into yours as he moved back to quiet you and himself. 

He could have cried at how much his body was screaming at him to have you.

Jungkook had zero regard for the fact they were still in this alleyway, he didn’t care whatsoever. All he wondered was how soon he could get inside you.

Fuck, fuck, fuck. Jungkook’s mind was hazy and the thing he could focus on was how nice your lips felt and how good it felt to rub himself along your thigh like this. You wouldn’t mind right? If he takes you right here and now…

Fuck, your lips, your skin, your body, so good, you were so good, so amazing. Everything happening and he just had to–

Before things progressed any further, both of your attentions turned back to the door that led to the club. A couple, smiling, laughing together, who were likely heading home walked out. You saw the way their smiles dropped when they quickly noticed they were interrupting something. They both tried not to make eye contact as they came down the ramp and headed down the alley. As they passed it was obvious they were talking about the two of you, them hushingly complaining about PDA these days.

Jungkook couldn’t even look at them, knowing what might have happened if they hadn’t interrupted. The awkward encounter didn’t sway him whatsoever though and as the couple made it out the alley, Jungkook turned to face you to see a pained expression on your face. The both of you knew what you wanted.

“Car?” Jungkook rushed out hurriedly and you nodded. You were about to make your dash for the car but you felt his hand pull you back and you looked at him confused. One glance behind you was all you needed to see to notice the very obvious problem that you had made.

Jungkook looked around, his face flushed, a sense of embarrassment clouding over him as he pulled you close. If you didn’t feel it before you certainly could now. It made you even more excited. “Don’t walk too far ahead…” He whispered and you got the picture. 

As quickly as you could you made the dash across the street and up all the stairs to the parking garage. Somewhere in the back of his mind he silently thanked himself for bringing his car with him and laughing at anyone who decided to make fun of him for doing so. There wasn’t any way he was making it back to the apartment like this.

When you finally made it to the car he couldn’t resist and pushed you into the door. He kissed you hard, not being able to stand being away from you any longer. The little bit of extra privacy and desire to feel you made him bolder, quickly snaking his hand up your thigh and grabbing a handful of your ass. 

“Jungkook—“ You whined way too loudly considering where, instantly having him chase his hips into you. He hurriedly picked you up, you wrapped your legs around his waist, as he leaned you against the door. The new angle allowed him to practically fuck you with your clothes on. Jungkook kissed you desperately, touching and grabbing everything he could, as he rutted into you. 

Fuck, he needed you now. 

“Jungkook— I need you so bad please—“ You whispered right in his ear. Your words triggered something primal inside of him. If he didn’t get you both inside soon, he wouldn’t give two shits anymore. He was fucking you on his car.

He felt like a fucking teenager all over again, you were literally right in front of the door. 

Jungkook racked his cloudy brain trying to remember where he put his keys. At the same time, your lips started trailing down his neck. You quickly found a spot that instantly had him moaning for you, a particularly hard thrust assuring you that this was the spot. As soon as you figured it out, you kept going, kissing and sucking, getting such pretty whines to fall from his lips. 

“If you keep doing that shit we’re not gonna make it into the car.” He groaned, so fucking tempted to just take you right now, like this. 

Where the fuck did he put his keys?! 

He haphazardly searched through his memories, trying to pinpoint when he had them last when it suddenly came to him. They were in his suit pocket. It couldn’t come soon enough that he reached his hand into it and just like he remembered, he managed to find the fob. 

He hastily pulled it out and unlocked his car. 

He sat you down and hurriedly opened the door. Jungkook climbed in the back seat and you went right in after, climbing straight onto his lap, and slamming the door behind you. 

Jungkook just stared at you for a second, his mind unable to process the beauty that was in front of him. Oh fuck…

You didn’t give him too much time to admire and pulled him back into a kiss, this angle making it so you could easily grind yourself against him. The friction made the both of you moan out, your bodies brushing against each other in a rush to feel. He wanted so much more. 

You broke away from the kiss and focused your attention on kissing his neck right on that spot, enjoying the soft sighs of pleasure he would let out as his grip on your waist tightened. 

Jungkook was going to lose his mind. He tried to come back enough to pull your dress up back over your ass. His hands were quick to feel, making you groan softly. 

That’s it. Foreplay was nice but it’s been so long and he needed to feel you now, his whole body screaming at him to take it up a notch. He wanted to feel you around him, make you his and his alone.

Jungkook hurriedly tugged at the thin strings of your thong. It took him a moment to remember the fact they were in his car, with how cramped it was back here, it would take you way too long to try and get them down your legs. Instead, he moved his hand and used his finger to gently massage your clothed bud, instantly earning him a gratifying moan from you as a reward. 

You were already so wet for him, the lacy fabric soaked and he could have just died right there. You were enjoying this, you were enjoying his touch… Did you want him as much as he wanted you? Has your body been longing for him, waiting for this day to happen? His mind was fuzzy so he didn’t think about it too hard, but it just made him that much more eager to finally be inside you. 

He got a little braver as he pushed your thong to the side, letting his fingers finally slide through the slickness of your folds. 

“Jung–Jungkook, fuck please…” You begged, throwing your head back in pleasure. Maybe in other instances he would have been more inclined to tease you a little but he couldn’t be bothered with you begging for him like that. All he wanted was to please you. 

Jungkook watched your face intently as he curled a finger into you, the both of you moaning out in the process. His whole body reacted, you were so warm, tight around him, so fucking good. If you felt this good around his finger just imagining you around his…

Jungkook couldn’t help rutting into you at the thought. Just wait till he fucks you… 

He eagerly got to work, a finger in your hole while he used his thumb to rub circles around your clit. It wasn’t his best work since he didn’t have too much room to work with, but that didn’t matter whatsoever. 

He marveled at the pretty sounds you would make, he could even feel your arms shaking as you held onto his shoulder. At this point he added another finger, hoping you could take him soo—

Oh my fucking gosh… In an instant he remembered a very important item he left in his drawer in his room. 

He didn’t bring condoms.

They weren’t at all a top priority in his mind since he really didn’t think he was going to have sex tonight. He was so disheveled about the date there wasn’t any ounce of him that considered he could very well be having sex at any point, but fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. This was the worst possible time he could have forgotten to bring a condom.

Jungkook took out all his sexual frustration of the situation on you, turning it up the notch in making sure he can at least make you cum. He added another finger and his attention focused on your neck till he managed to find the sweet spot that got you to whimper for him. 

You quickly used your hand to cover your month, the only one the tiniest bit aware of the fact that you were getting fingered in a public parking lot. But your efforts to keep quiet didn’t last for too long, Jungkook’s fingers brushing past the spot that made you practically a mess on top of him. 

“There there please!” You tried to whisper but it was no use. Jungkook already knew he found it and you buried yourself in his suit jacket. You were going to scream at this point, your body on fire for a touch you’ve longed for for over a year. 

“I wanna hear you…” He said it so softly you barely caught it with the way your mind was spinning. 

“Fuck— but we’re in public,” you ended up moaning out. You were gonna cum soon at this rate.

Jungkook quickened up the pace of his fingers sliding in and out of your soaking pussy, this angle making it so he hit that spot over and over and— Your back arched instinctively and a moan you just couldn’t contain escaped your lips. He wasn’t going to let you be quiet. 

A fire seemed to burn brighter and brighter inside you, your whole body tingling and ready. You were so close. 

“Fuck fuck fuck, Jungkook please I’m so close!” You cried, throwing your head back. You didn’t care at all who heard you anymore, all you wanted was that sweet release. 

Jungkook’s breathing became heavier as he watched you fall apart on his fingers. The feeling of your warm walls soaking his fingers and the beautiful moans you would let out had him spiraling out of control quicker and quicker. He wanted to fuck you so bad. 

“Please—“ Your moans got louder. You were close and he knew that. Fuck, fuck, fuck, you were so close. His grip on your hips tightened and his hips hastily came up to meet nothing. Why did he have to forget condoms? He was moaning along with you. Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck, fuc—

It will forever be ingrained into his memory, the time you came all over his fingers in the parking garage in front of the club. Every single detail. The way you looked him right in his eyes, that look as he saw you reached that sweet release, your moans stopping, the moment so overwhelming you couldn’t even scream. The feeling of the way your walls tightened around his fingers, soaked beyond belief at this point. The way his heart swelled because you were so fucking pretty like this. What made this even more memorable was the result. 

Right in that moment he felt it too, hitting him like a freight train, his whole body shook as he felt that sweet release right along with you. 

You both stared at each other, trying your best to come down from that high feeling. Your breathing was heavy but your body buzzed with excitement, you wanted to feel him, no, needed to feel him at this point. 

You were about to reach down to grab at his belt but your attention focused on the way he hurriedly looked down between the two and back up at you with panicked eyes. 

Confused, you looked down and you saw the issue. The only lights in the car were the little ones bleeding in from the neon signs outside, but the angle was just right for you to see the wet stain that painted his pants. 

“I’m sorry! Fuck, I’m so sorry.” It was clear he was embarrassed, you were almost sure in the darkness you could see his cheeks turning a brighter shade of red by the second. 

You couldn’t help but giggle. 

“Don’t laugh!” He cried, getting more and more flustered. 

“You’re so cute! No need to be embarrassed~” You tried to reassure, but you weren’t really helping. 

“I don’t even know what happened…” Jungkook was in disbelief. This has never happened before and of course of all times it did it had to be with you, the girl he wanted to impress the most. 

“Don’t worry about it, I’m serious Jungkook…”

“I know we couldn’t go all the way but fuck I just had to—“ He was ranting but you quickly interrupted, wondering what he meant by that. 

“I forgot condoms…” He sighed, hating to admit the fact but was still shocked when he felt the light slap on his shoulder.

“How could you forget condoms? We literally went on dates today, it’s a date Jungkook, you always bring condoms on dates.” You were flabbergasted by this fact. You knew you should have helped him pack for the date as well. 

The mention of the fact that you both were in fact still on dates with other people had an awkward tension arising and words that needed to be said became even more obvious. 

You were about to say something but Jungkook shushed you. 

“Not here, while I’m like this…” You knew what he was referring to so you just shut yourself up and moved off top of him. Jungkook’s eyes hung onto your form, a worried expression on your face, before he was pushing out the car door and getting out. 

Jungkook tried to hurry and get to the door in front, as it was extremely obvious the minute he stepped out what the two of you were doing in his car. The stain on his dark gray suit was a dead giveaway, but your lipstick was smeared all over his face and neck, and you could even see faint marks of hickeys.

You resisted the urge to laugh as he struggled to get the door open. You were quick to follow him and got in on the passengers side. 

“Uh— we should probably text Jimin and Eun Ae letting them know we’re leaving.” Jungkook pointed out and you felt horrible realizing you already forgot about them. You were actually terrible. 

You and Jungkook sent quick texts to the friends you brought along and Jungkook was pulling out of the parking garage on the way back to your apartment.

Not a word was said to each other on the way over, the silence loud enough to leave your mind spiraling. What the actual fuck did you just do? 

When you both made it back, you both still didn’t talk then, Jungkook immediately headed to the shower before you could even attempt to bring it up. Your mind was flooded and you ended up turning to what takes your mind off stress best and that’s cleaning, more specifically you decided now would be the perfect time to do laundry. 

You just had sex with your best friend. You had sex with Jungkook?! Jeon motherfucking Jungkook. Your best friend. 

You just crossed a line you knew you were never going to be able to come back from. That platonic barrier you tried your best to hide behind was gone and there was nothing you could do about it. 

The fact you both haven’t even talked about what happened made you even more worried. Did he like you? Were you a desperate attempt at a quick fuck? Were you about to lose your best friend? Your mind was so clouded as you loaded clothes into the dryer, you didn’t notice when Jungkook came up right behind you.

“Hello?” Jungkook asked and you nearly screamed. Your body reacted on its own and you turned around to start swinging, or rather more so waving your arms around hoping it’d do something. 

“Hey wait—“ He tried to say but you didn’t even process the fact it was just Jungkook until one of your swings actually did a little damage, a firm slap right across his chest was enough for him to cry out and you finally opened your eyes to see your friend right behind you. 

“Oops” You mumbled already feeling that guilt start to creep up. But Jungkook didn’t look mad whatsoever, if anything he looked amused. He thought you were absolutely adorable. 

Instead of saying anything about it though, he wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you into a hug, resting his head on your shoulder. “It’s me stupid…” He mumbled into your skin.

You couldn’t help but melt into his embrace, that fluttery feeling spreading all throughout your body. He was so warm and you enjoyed the sweet scents of his body wash. “You should have said something sooner..” You pointed out. 

“I did, I kept calling your name but you didn’t hear me.” He retorted and it just made you feel worse. 

Silence passed for a little while before you finally muttered “I’m sorry…” Jungkook didn’t say anything but pulled you tighter against him. 

“What are you doing by the way?” He finally asked and let you go. You got back to working on getting the clothes in the dryer. 

“Laundry, you know when I get stressed I start doing chores…” You muttered. 

“I know that, but why are you so stressed?” He chuckled and you quickly turned around to face him again. 

“Because you’re my best friend and you know what we just did in the back of your car! We just crossed a whole lot of lines and I’m confused—“ You were stern but your eyes couldn’t help but take in his appearance. His long hair was damp and still curly, a white shirt hung loosely around his frame and he had on those strange, bright blue shorts underneath. 

He was absolutely breathtaking.

Jungkook sighed but leaned forward so his hands were back on the washer, caging you in. He was so close. 

“I’m an idiot, I'm sorry…” He sighed as his eyes focused right on yours. You were intrigued, waiting for him to continue. 

“This whole week I’ve just felt off, you know? Ever since you brought up you wanted to go on a double date… I tried to convince myself that it was all because of the fact that we were going out again after all this time. I knew deep down and apparently others did as well, that it was because I liked you…” His words made your heart do a backflip.

“I couldn’t accept it for a while because feelings are complicated and the last thing I wanted to do was make the relationship with the person who’s been by my side even during my worst times complicated. Losing you…” You noticed it, his eyes were a little glossy. 

“I couldn’t lose you.” You could have just melted into the floor right there, trying to fight the tears that were threatening to spill over. 

“But when I saw you and hyung together…” His eyes turned away. “I knew I couldn’t pretend anymore… I had to do something before it was too late.” He tried to smile but you could hear the pain in his voice. 

“I’m sorry if I was too forward, I just had to do something before you walked away… I didn’t even ask how you feel…” He finally met your eyes once again and he was shocked to see your eyes filled with tears. 

“How do I feel? You really are an idiot Jungkook…” You tried to laugh but you were getting choked up. He looked utterly confused. 

“I’ve liked you since highschool! I spent all this time thinking you didn’t like me back. You never made a move back then, but then we came here and you got a girlfriend pretty quickly. I thought it must have been one-sided, you know? I started dating Incheol but when you came back… I had a little hope over the past year, but when you agreed to go on a double date, I thought it was finally time to give up.”

If Jungkook wasn’t so consumed in questioning his own feelings for you he would have noticed the signs. The way you meticulously analyzed his face when you suggested a double date, hoping he would hate the idea, or at the very least show some disdain to it. He would have noticed the way you slammed the door after he agreed to it and cried silently to yourself in your room at your silly feelings for your best friend. He would have noticed long before the event of Valentines weekend the look in your eyes whenever you spent time together. He would have guessed maybe he had something to do with you and Incheol breaking up. You tried to put on a brave face, at this point thinking Jungkook really didn’t see you that way.   

“What…” His voice was small and he was just staring at you in shock. 

“I think we’re both dumb—“ Jungkook hardly let you finish your sentence before he was pushing you against the washer and finally closing the distance.

The kiss was soft and nothing like what happened at the club. It was just pure passion that had years of negligence behind it. It was a little scary taking this step with Jungkook, you couldn’t lose him either, but you were glad that you were. Your heart was full and you wanted nothing more than to have him closer.

He lifted you on top of the washer, the angle allowing him to pull you closer.   

Jungkook pulled away slowly, the pull of your lips way too enticing but he had something to say. His hand came up to caress your cheek softly before 3 words you’ll never forget left his mouth. “I love you.” His voice barely above a whisper but you heard it loud and clear.

“It’s probably too soon to say that but I just needed you to—“ You didn’t give him time to finish before you were pulling him back, kissing him hard. 

“I love you too…” You probably could have cried in the moment but the words lit a fire in you and you needed him closer. 

Your words sent Jungkook to a new level of insane, he needed to be inside you. You certainly felt it too, the nudging against your thigh made it obvious. 

Jungkook broke the kiss, your breaths were heavy and he was eagerly playing with the hem of your dress. ”Y/n do you wanna—“ He didn't need to finish, you were already nodding your head. 

You were suddenly lifted off the washer, laughing as Jungkook practically sped his way over to your room, kicking in the door and throwing you onto the bed. 

You both giggled but the moment was not lost, Jungkook quickly climbing on top of you and finding your lips once again. You wrapped your arms around his neck pulling him closer, you needed him closer. Your body was on fire and all you wanted was to feel him. 

Jungkook pulled away slowly, hand trailing down your body, and his eyes staring right into yours.

“You’re so beautiful…” His words were soft and had you melting on the inside. 

“Jungkook…”

His eyes scanned over you once more. “We should have done this sooner…” He chuckled lightly, but he was serious. This whole evening wouldn’t have been necessary if he was just honest with himself sooner. 

Jungkook started kissing you lightly down the neck making you gasp. 

“We’re dumb, aren’t we?” You replied breathlessly as he started to suck a little harder. You moaned lightly, knowing this was likely gonna leave a mark. 

“Extremely…” He was hardly paying attention anymore, his full attention now on making you feel good. He wanted to devour you, make you his and his alone.

Jungkook’s attention focused on your eyes as he started pulling your dress up. “Just think about it… instead of all this sexual frustration we could have been— oh.” You couldn’t even finish at the way he rutted into you. 

“We’re so fucking stupid… I feel like I’m gonna explode…” He said bashfully.

“You did earlier...” You playfully teased and could stop yourself laughing at the way his mouth dropped. 

“I hate you so much.” He mumbled, trying to feign being upset but you could see the smile on his face. 

“Says the man who just confessed he loves me~” You giggled and at this he couldn’t help but laugh along with you. Jungkook sighed knowing it’s true. 

You didn’t miss the way he started moving down your body, in between the commotion your body lighting up at what you knew he had in mind next.

He eventually got to the point he was staring right at your long ruined thong and took a shaky breath. He wanted to taste you so fucking bad. 

Jungkook looked up at you. “Please?” He asked hurriedly and you nodded. With your permission he quickly pushed up your dress even further and tugged your panties down your legs. 

“You’re so pretty.” He said absentmindedly, like you weren’t supposed to hear. You chuckled at his words making him look back up at you. 

He flushed realizing he said that outloud but smiled because you did. His shy demeanor quickly shifted as you saw the mischievous glint in his eyes. 

“Who were you imagining the other night?” Jungkook asked suddenly as he moved a finger through your slick folds.

“What are you talking about?” You questioned, but his finger now circling your clit had your mind elsewhere. 

“That day I was working on my project. Valentine's Day.” 

Silence passed for a little while until you suddenly sat up realizing what he was talking about. Jungkook laughed at the look on your face. 

“You put too much faith in the walls, my desk is right on the other side.” Jungkook had a slight teasing tone to his voice, an adorable bunny expression on his face like he wasn't fingering you right now as he admitted to hearing you play with yourself. 

You laid back down, embarrassment creeping up making your face hot. 

“No need to be embarrassed.” Jungkook recounted back to the words you told him earlier. You just groaned, somehow that made it worse. Jungkook chuckled, but his attention turned toward what he was doing between your legs. 

“I’m serious though. It was hot… really hot.” He smiled. 

“Stopppp…” You cried, both in the way you still couldn’t even look at him, but also his finger started picking up the pace.  

“You were the reason I was up all night trying to work on it.” He chuckled darkly. At this you finally peered down at him. 

“You sounded so pretty, I wanted to come over and help you. I thought you would never be down for that but after tonight, I can’t help but wonder who it was you were thinking of to make you sound like that?” His face was just as innocent as it normally was, but his words were dangerous. 

Your embarrassment in the situation faded immediately and instead a cocky grin spread across your face. 

“Wouldn’t you like to know.” You laughed. 

“Tell me.”

“Make me.” You retorted back quickly. You were playing with fire at this point but you wanted to see what he would do. 

Your words were a challenge, a fire alighting inside.

His sweet smile disappeared as he turned back to your soaking pussy. He smirked and with that challenged head tilt he always did, he said nothing more as he dove straight between your legs. You hardly had any time to react before he was spreading your legs and taking one long lick between your folds. 

Your body reacted on its own, a fire spreading throughout your body and a soft moan escaped your lips. You looked down at him a little shocked but you were a little surprised to find him looking up at you. You saw him smirk quickly before diving straight back then, this time with full intent on making you scream. 

You never really knew what you pictured Jungkook to be like during sex. You never saw anything weird when he was dating Yoona and when you were still dating Incheol you and Jungkook hardly ever ran into each other. You were over at his place mainly, but you would occasionally come back to your shared apartment to hang out. You can still remember all the times you would be lying in bed awake to the sounds of girls moaning their hearts out in the room next door. It wasn’t the quiet guy who had been your friend since high school, but you knew whatever was happening next door was good. 

You finally found out today what all the fuss was about. 

Jungkook was skilled as he swirled his tongue around your clit. Your hands quickly found their place in his dark locks, your body being set ablaze at the pleasure. 

“Oh fuck–” You whinned.

His movements got faster and the more you wanted. “Jungkook, please…” You pleaded. 

He pulled back at your words and smiled. “Tell me then, who were you thinking of that night?” His fingers got back to work teasing your clit. 

“Just forget that and make me– ohhh gosh.” You cried as he moved them to finger your clenching hole. With experience in the car he was quickly able to find the spot that had made you a mess so quickly for him. 

You whined. “Jungkook, fuck, please.” You were practically begged, needing more. 

“I said tell me.” His voice was calm as he looked at you already a mess for so little. The work of his one finger alone was enough to have you brushing against the edge. If anything it made it worse, you could almost taste the release. 

He made sure to speed up the pace pushing over that same spot, maybe it was the drought that made you so sensitive, but you moaned, your back arching at the feeling.

“Tell me Y/N–” Jungkook said again. 

“It was you!” You cried, you couldn’t play the game anymore. “It was you Jungkook!” You made sure to say it again so he heard. Suddenly he stopped. Confused and a little annoyed you looked down to see a stupid smile on his face, both in the fact that he won and you had thought of him like that. 

It was just like this almost, him between your legs as he ate you out for hours, was the fantasy your brain had chosen to go with to try and soothe the ache between your legs. 

“I can promise you I’m better in person.” Jungkook suddenly said and you just playfully rolled your eyes. He already proved that to be true. 

“I’m sure you are, now get back to work, we’ve been deprived way too long for you to try and edge.” You giggled and he laughed at that. 

“What’s wrong with taking our time a little? I like seeing you a mess for me.” He cheesed and your heart swelled. You loved him so much. 

“Jungkook…” You warned and at this he finally took the hint and got back to work. 

He eagerly went to add a second finger inside and his tongue was back to suck on your clit. The combination had that flame quickly returning. His fingers curled inside you and he made quick work of his tongue, not having any shame in making it messy. He groaned against you, an added pleasure he quickly could tell had an effect. 

Jungkook thought you were absolutely beautiful, so pretty and all for him. The sight had him quickly reminded of the fact he didn’t get to finish the way he wanted to in the car and how much he wanted to fuck you. His hips unconsciously collided with your mattress trying to chase some sort of pleasure. It hurt at this point but his attention remained on you. 

He saw you hastily pull down the straps of your dress to play with your tits, and one hand coming back to tangle in his hair. He felt the gentle tugs whenever it just felt so good and he could have died happy right there in that moment. Right between your thighs.

“Fuck, I’m so close–” You hastily cried out. Jungkook took the hint and took it up just a little more and it was more than enough to have you quickly spiraling toward the edge, your orgasm hitting you like a wave. Your body shook and your thighs clamped around his head. As you slowly came down from the experience he continued to devour you until you pushed him away slightly from overstimulation. 

He finally sat up, his face wet from your juices and a big smile on his face. You smiled back at him. Your eyes though quickly went from his face to the obvious tent in his shorts. Jungkook didn’t give you much time to think about it before he was back on top of you and hastily kissing your lips.

If you didn’t see it before you definitely could feel it now, the tip nudging right where you wanted him making you even more eager to finally feel him against you. But you had other plans first…

You made quick work of flipping you both over, leaving you on top and in control. He looked at you a little confused before you kissed him on his cheek, making him smile. 

“What are you doing?” He chuckled lightly as your kisses trailed back up to his lips. You kissed him with a heated passion, wanting him to know how much you loved him. Jungkook was quick to get in the groove, his hand coming up to cup your cheek and pull you closer while his other hand trailed down your back. 

You finally felt him reach the hem of your dress and attempted to try and pull it back up but you pulled away and looked him right in the eye. If he wasn’t confused before he definitely was now. 

You smiled at him and leaned so you were right next to his ear. 

“Not yet, let me repay the favor first.” You whispered and gently took his ear between your teeth before moving to his neck and sucking on it lightly. 

Jungkook was speechless for a little while, the pleasure your mouth was bringing made it hard to think, wanting to just get lost in the pleasure. 

“I don’t know…” He eventually chuckled, the grip on your waist tightening. You finally moved to look at him again. 

“What’s wrong?” You asked a little confused. 

“Wanna fuck you so bad, plus… you looked too good while I was eating you out. I don’t know if I could make it.” His face was flushed, clearly embarrassed by the confession. 

At this you smirked. Oh you were definitely going to repay him, not only for the orgasm but for teasing you earlier. 

You let your hand travel down his body till it rested on the waistband of his shorts. “You sure you wanna say no?” You questioned playfully as you slipped your hand underneath grabbing a fistful of his length. Your antics got an immediate reaction from him, a moan quickly escaping his lips. 

You made quick work and slowly pumped your hand slowly over his length, watching his face scrunch up in bliss. He was so fucking pretty. 

“I–” He couldn’t even finish his sentence as your thumb traced circles over the tip, you could already feel the precum leaking from the tip. 

“Y/n please…” he eventually cried out, making you smile. 

“Do you want me to stop?” You asked teasingly. 

“No, fuck– please.” He finally peered over at you and saw that teasing look, knowing this was probably because of earlier. 

With the go ahead you moved down the bed, helping him pull his shorts down and tossing them somewhere around your room. The both of you giggled before you found a comfortable place right in front of his cock. 

You stared marveling at what was in front you. His dick was already making your mouth water, the length, the girth, the slight curve, the tip was a flaming red, and precum sliding down the sides. Of course, what more should you have expected from him.

You wrapped a hand around him, right at the base. You wrapped your mouth around the tip, sucking it lightly, enjoying the delicious moan Jungkook let out as a result. You popped off quickly though, earning a groan of annoyance. 

“What happened to no teasing?” He questioned breathlessly. 

You just smiled at him before diving back again. You had every full intention of teasing him just a little longer, but you felt Jungkook’s hand on the back of your head, clearly intended to keep you in place. 

Oh so he wants to play like that?

At this you finally started to take more of him, getting about halfway before you let your hand do the rest of the work at quickly pumping him. You felt him grab your hair tightly and you’ll never forget the way he whimpered, clearly not expecting you to do that. 

It wasn’t long before he let go and you popped off with a smile. You won this time. 

“Y/n please.” No playfulness to his voice anymore, he was begging you. 

You couldn’t resist and you got back to work. You grabbed him again and pumped him quickly and got to work gently massaging his balls. At this you instantly had his arm coming over his eyes, a long groan falling from his lips. 

“Y/n oh fuck, fuck fu–” He was so fucking sensitive. 

He hadn’t been touched in a year, plus your little rendezvous in the car, and now here you were going down on him. Every little flick of your tongue or jerk from your hand had him speeding toward the edge, but he still wanted to take you. 

Your mouth came around him length once more, doing your best to make him feel good. Jungkook couldn’t resist looking, he finally glanced down at you and moaned instantly. You were taking him so well– fuck fuck. 

“Y/n…” He finally moaned. You could already sense what he was about to say. At this you sped up your pace. 

“Oh fuck, you feel so good– but– ohhhh” He cried, his hand coming up to grab at your hair again. 

“If you keep doing that I’m gonna–” He could have cried. The image of just cumming down your throat made him want to let you continue. 

He was so close. 

“Y/n I’m gonna cum…” He sighed, honestly a little embarrassed at how sensitive he was but you were just too good. 

His words didn’t sway you and if anything you upped it a little more. 

“Shit wait wait!” For a second he thought he wouldn’t even be able to tell you to stop, his orgasm so fucking close for a spilt second he wanted it to happen, but right along that edge you popped off and took your hands away. 

His body cried out at the lack of contact and he had to take a second to get himself to calm down. When his attention finally went to you, smiling up at him.

He couldn’t even joke around at that moment and sat up to pull you up so you were hovering over his cock.

“Please…” He was breathless and his desperation was starting to affect you. You pulled down the zipper on your dress and pulled it over your form, you also saw Jungkook hastily ripping off his white shirt and throwing it across the room.

He grabbed your hips and attempted to try and guide you down but you stopped him. He looked at you confused

“Condoms, remember?” You laughed and he did as well realizing his mistake.

“Please hurry…” He whined playfully, watching you reach over to your nightstand, shuffle through its contents, before pulling your hand out empty handed. He was once again confused.  

You stared at him in horror and it had him instantly wanting to commit a crime. “You don’t have any?” He asked in disbelief. You just stared at him.

He tugged on his hair in frustration. “Do you think that the convenience store down the street is still open?” He was trying to come up with some sort of solution. “I don’t even know if there are any in my room, do you think we can find some at this time of night, fuck fuck, why does this keep–” As he was trying to find a way at of this predicament you went back in your drawer and pulled out what he’s needed this entire evening.

“Just kidding~” You cheesed, watching the look on his face. If he wasn’t so horny right now he might have tackled you, but instead he laughed at your antics and he playfully rolled his eyes as gestured for you to put it on.

You ripped open the packaging with your teeth and hurriedly slid it down his length. He was so sensitive from earlier he made it difficult trying to put it on, bucking himself into your hand in search of any type of friction. 

Once you managed to get it on, you wasted no time and lined yourself up before sinking slowly down his dick, enjoying the way he filled you up. 

You both moaned at the feeling. Jungkook hurriedly grabbed your hips at the pleasure. You were so warm, wet, and tight around him, you felt so good and looked so pretty on top of him like this. Oh this isn’t gonna last long.

You sat there for a second, allowing your body to get adjusted but you could tell Jungkook was antsy at the way he subtly ground himself into you for some sort of friction. 

“Y/n– fuck, you’re so–” He cried and you chuckled at his reaction. 

“Does it feel good?” You asked. 

Jungkook just smiled at first, wondering how that was even a question at first. “So go– engghhh fuck…” He sighed as you slowly started to move your hips. You watched him intently as his face scrunched up and you felt the way his grip on your waist tightened. 

With new motivation you finally allowed yourself to get lost in the pleasure and just enjoyed the way he felt inside of you, steadily speeding up your pace.

Jungkook just stared up at you. Ever since he met you he never would have imagined himself in this position, you on top while you worked to please him so well. Yesterday he was so adamant he felt nothing but platonic feelings for you and today… He had spent so much time trying to lie to himself, if only he had been honest with himself from the get go you could have done this so much sooner. 

His heart swelled at the thought. He was so stupid. How could he have tried to tell himself he didn’t want this? You bouncing yourself happily on his cock, looking so pretty while you took him so well. Fuck, he was so happy. 

With the way you teased him earlier it didn’t take very much for him to feel that ache once again. Jungkook grabbed your hips and took control, he watched your face turn to one of shock before you melted into the new pace he was setting.

You moaned and he could have sworn he’s never heard such a beautiful sound. He wanted to please you, make you feel good, and in a weird way, repay you for all you’ve done for him. 

“Jungkook, shit, hghhh–” You cried.

Fuck he was close. 

Before you even knew what was happening, suddenly you were on your back, staring Jungkook right in the eye. 

He was quick to set a punishing pace, you could have screamed at the sudden pleasure. Jungkook buried himself in your neck and you could hear all the little grunts and moans he would let out and it was almost too much. So good, you were getting close.

Jungkook could certainly tell, the feeling of your walls gripping him even tighter– fuck. He couldn’t take it anymore. He kissed you sloppily, wanted to feel you even closer. You wrapped your arms around his neck moaning into the kiss, sensing what was happening. 

It didn’t take much time till he was pulling away and burying his head back in your shoulder, a glorious moan spilling from his lips. A wave of pleasure washed over him as you felt his hips still and his whole body shake lightly.

You rubbed his back softly as you helped him work through it. 

You thought this was the end of your game, but you were shocked. Jungkook immediately turned to your nightstand, opening up and shuffling through the top drawer. 

“What are you doing?” You asked breathlessly. 

It was almost immediately that you got your answer when he pulled out another condom. “I’m not done with you yet.” He said as ripped open the packaging with his teeth. 

You were left stunned as you watched him swiftly throw away the used condom and put on a new one, before quickly pushing himself back inside you once more. 

You saw the way his face scrunched up, likely at the pain of overstimulation. His pace was slow, but he continued with deep strokes that made it so he was hitting your clit each and every time, making your toes curl.  

Oh so he was a freak?

For some reason you knew this wasn’t the first time he’s done this. You should have known the way he nearly fucked you out in public in that parking garage. 

Jungkook’s full intention was to make you feel good. He was quick to get back at a moderate pace and then he turned his attention to kissing and sucking on your neck, making sure it was going to leave a mark. 

As much as he wanted to pretend that the rage he felt in the club watching you and Jimin together was far in the past, now that everything was all said, it fueled him even more to want to tell everyone that you were his and his alone.

And just to think, if things didn’t go the way they did his hyung would have probably been in this position… Just the thought of him seeing you like this pissed him off more than it should. 

He wanted to prove himself, that you made the right choice. 

Jungkook was eager to make you cum around him, he needed to feel it. The breathy moans you would let out motivated him, you were so fucking pretty.

Jungkook looked you right in the eyes as he fucked you. Oh you were close. 

“I love you.” He moaned quietly. Oh you were a mess, three little words were enough to send you to another dimension. 

“You feel so fucking good and all fucking mine.” Jungkook groaned, fucking you a little faster. 

For some reason Jungkook getting all possessive while he’s buried deep inside you was so hot, the feeling in the pit of your stomach growing more restless. 

“Jungkook, please, I’m so close.” You cried. 

The pleasurable sting from overstimulation made that fleeting feeling return all too soon for Jungkook as well so he made quick work of finally pushing the both of you over the edge. 

“I love you too, Jungkook, love you so much.” Jungkook had no idea if you said that just because you were close, but the confession was enough for his orgasm to come crashing over him, not once did he slow down though, if anything he went a little faster. 

His efforts were enough as with just a few more strokes you moaned and he was feeling your walls tightening around him. He watched intently, now with the better light, he saw the way you crumbled in his grasp, so pretty as your third orgasm of the day hit you even harder. 

For a little while, it was just the sound of your labored breaths as you both tried to recover from everything. It was peaceful, almost like the calm after a storm. After the exhausting year you’ve both had, it finally led to this moment, together in each other's arms at last. When you both calmed down, Jungkook smiled as he kissed you gently, you couldn’t be happier. 

He was quick to throw away the condom and snuggle up next to you. A moment of silence passed before you both giggled. 

“This day was something…” You smiled. 

“It was, wasn’t it.” Jungkook responded absentmindedly, too busy tracing your features with his gaze. 

You both still didn’t say anything for a while, choosing to let the events of today speak for you. Jungkook was just so enamored by you, happy that everything finally made sense, happy that he was able to be with you like this. For some reason it had his mind going back to the previous year.

The newly revealed sentiment of how much you truly cared for each other made him think back to the dark days and how you helped him through it all. Without you, would he really be here today? You really were there for him, never once asking any questions. As soon as he told you he was struggling, you never left his side and helped him navigate through the path that seemed so endless. 

Even to this day he never really explained himself and you never asked what happened.  

“Hey Y/n.” He finally said, getting you attention. “Last year… I don’t think I ever told you what I was really going through during those months, did I?” He asked suddenly. 

You were a bit taken aback by the question but you answered nonetheless. “Not in much detail.” You noticed his gaze changed from you to peer straight up at the ceiling.

He took a deep breath. “I want to tell you what happened...” It only seemed right, before you take this next step in your relationship, all the cards from his past he kept hidden from you should be laid on the table for you to see. 

He was scared though. Would you still want him after he tells you? 

“Is that ok?” He turned back to you, his gaze unreadable. 

You couldn’t lie and say you weren’t curious. On the day Jungkook told you he had been struggling you knew he was keeping the details as vague as he possibly could, for a reason you had no idea about. You didn’t want to pry, you knew that he had gone through a lot over the last few months so you were content with him telling you anything. All you knew was your friend needed help and you were going to be there for him through that process. 

“If you’re comfortable telling me, I’ll be here to listen,” you settled with saying. 

Jungkook noticed the look in your eyes that told him it was truly fine for him to continue. 

Would you hate him, ridicule him, shame him? All of these were outcomes he wanted to avoid. It’s why he didn’t tell you back then. He was ashamed of himself. 

“At the end of our first semester as you know Yoona and I had a big fight. It all had to deal with you, funny enough. She was upset at how close we were, the fact that we lived together, and that she thought I could have been cheating on her with you. At the time I was upset that she even thought that was a possibility, I was with her, you were my friend and that was it.” Jungkook had to pause for a second knowing the irony of the situation.

You couldn’t hide the look of shock on your face at the information. You thought you were just so drunk that you had somehow heard your name come up in conversation. It had been about you entirely. It stung a bit to know that you had gotten in the way of their relationship like that, but the one detail you did know about this story made that guilt dissipate quickly. 

“We said some pretty hurtful things to each other, with her eventually leaving and that’s when you came in. I really liked her at the time so I wanted to do my best to try and repair the damage that had been done, but when I saw her… when I went to her apartment and saw she was actually cheating on me, it really really hurt.”  Jungkook didn’t even have the words to describe how much pain the revelation brought him. For a while he blamed himself, that he was such an awful boyfriend, an awful person, that it led a girl he would have never in a million years thought would ever do something like that to him, to anybody really. It only made the next unfortunate event even harder to bear. 

“I can only say this now in hindsight, but I didn’t understand at the time how much I relied on her. My mental health wasn’t the best for various reasons, a difficult semester taking its toll, life, I don’t really know the root cause but as soon as I knew she was cheating on me, it all came crashing down harder than I thought it ever could. I shut everyone out, it was too much, but if it couldn’t get any worse I got a phone call from my dad about my uncle.” You could hear the slight quiver in his voice, just at the mention of it. 

You remember the exact moment it happened. You had just woken up. You had been in the kitchen trying to figure out what to have before you head out to your first class. It was nearly the end of the final semester, finals were coming up and you had a whole day of studying planned. Despite your packed schedule, you had also wanted to have enough time to try and be there for Jungkook since he had just gone through a pretty rough breakup, you having gone to bed early as a result. It’s probably why you didn’t hear when he got the phone call late the night before.

You had been making a little breakfast when he suddenly came bursting through his room door, a duffle bag slung over his shoulder. You noticed immediately he looked frantic, his face was red, and you could see his cheeks were still stained from tears. He looked like he hadn’t slept all night. 

Jungkook ran straight to the door, but you stopped him concerned and a little confused about what was happening. 

He was barely able to explain to you that his uncle had been in an accident and that he was going back to Busan, tears just were streaming down his face. Without thinking you had pulled him into a hug, Jungkook completely just broke down in your arms. 

He was out the door before you truly could say goodbye. 

“I went back to Busan and tried my best to process everything, hoping that this sinking feeling would pass and I could get back to some level of normalcy. Weeks started to go by and all I could feel was nothing. I didn’t cry anymore, I wasn’t angry, nor was I ever truly happy, it was just gray everywhere I looked.”

“Christmas came and went and the new year started. All of those holidays only made it worse, seeing how happy friends and other family were, the fact that it was just nothing made me even more desperate for anything.”

Jungkook had to stop again, knowing what was coming next. 

“It was around the time we were supposed to start heading back for the spring semester that some friends had called me and asked to meet up. We talked and I ended up telling them things have been hard lately so they invited me to a party to try and cheer me up. I was desperate so I said I’d be there, hoping it might help me feel anything. I drank a lot, tried to have fun, but again things just became worse when nothing helped.” 

He couldn’t even look at you anymore.  

“They invited me to another one, this time I thought maybe sex might help, it didn’t, not at all and left me feeling more empty than ever. It was sometime after this that I started having some pretty scary thoughts bouncing around my head.” It truly had gotten so bad so quickly. The depression had quickly consumed him and any effort he made to try and make things better only seemed to make things worse. He felt trapped, that there was no way out of this hole. 

“I was desperate for anything at that point so when those same friends called and asked to meet up again… this time… this time they offered certain um… illegal substances. I should have said no, I know, but I was looking for anything to make it better so…” For some reason Jungkook was waiting for you to say something, to scream at him, anything, but you remained silent as his words hung in the air. 

He didn’t have the courage to face you to see your expression. Instead he kept going. 

“It wasn’t perfect, but for a little while I finally felt ok, better than ok even, but the crash was horrible and I felt the regret starting to take hold. It was only once when I was in Busan, but by then the semester had started and I needed to get back. That’s when I came back to the apartment. I wanted to tell you everything but then you opened the door and I saw Incheol with you… I didn’t understand why at the time, but seeing you with him… It made me so angry so I just shut everyone out.”

“Before I left my friends gave me the number of a friend they had in Seoul who carried and so instead of focusing on my work that I should have I turned to chasing that high and dealing with an even worse low. I stayed out as much as I could, I didn’t want to see you with Incheol, plus I was ashamed what would happen if you saw me like that. I didn’t want you to see me like that.” Your eyes were teary and his was as well, a couple had even begun sliding down his cheeks. 

“Jimin hyung saw the worst of it actually. Too many times would I head over on something and he would yell at me but he would always help me through it. I was also at his place a lot dealing with sober thoughts and he kept my mind occupied so I wouldn’t do anything rash.”

“It wasn’t until that day I got the message from my advisor telling me how bad everything was that I snapped out of it enough to try and look for help. That’s when I told you. Besides the work you helped with, you were just being there for me without asking too many questions… It was more sympathy I deserved considering how weird things had been since I left. You brought me back and I can never be more grateful.” It was only then that Jungkook finally looked over at you, your face was stained with tears and you were trying your best not to make too much noise so you didn’t disturb his story. 

“I mentioned this now because being here… I should have known after all that what I felt for you was more than just being my best friend. I didn’t want to lose you so I tried to push away the obvious and tried to just keep being just your friend. I’m so happy I can be here with you now, like this, together. And I wanted to thank you for the millionth time, you pulled me out of a dark place that I never thought I was going to come back from. I’m just so happy.” He tried to chuckle but seeing you crying made this difficult discussion that much more emotional.

It felt so good telling you. 

You quickly pulled him into a hug, finally letting the emotions spill over. 

“I wish I was there for you more, you struggled so much I– I–” You sobbed, absolutely heartbroken that he went through this. “If only I had noticed, if I wasn’t so focused on Incheol I could have–” 

“Don’t say that. You were happy, I didn’t want to burden you with my problems.” Jungkook said, trying to wipe away your tears.

“Burden?! Jungkook, I was your friend, don’t think you would ever burden me.” You sobbed, the tears continuing to stream down your face, making more and more go down his as well.

“Fuck, I love you so much, of course you would say that.” There were no words in any language to accurately describe how much he cares for you and how he will eternally be grateful for being there with him. 

You both smiled and Jungkook reached over to grab some tissues to wipe your faces. You both tried to make light of the situation and giggle at how messed up you truly were. Between the sex and now the crying your makeup had smeered all over your face. 

“Jungkook, truly though. If you ever go through any sort of hard time again know I’ll be here for you ok.” You reassured him.

“If you ever go through a rough time, I’ll be here for you and then some.” He smiled. 

“Don’t be afraid to lean on me, life gets hard but at least we have each other.” You leaned in to kiss his cheek, but he moved to make sure you hit his lips instead. 

You both laughed, but quickly went back in for another.

“You actually can’t get rid of me.” Jungkook giggled as he started peppering kisses all over your face.

“And I don’t want to.” It was just love, you loved this man. 

“By the way, I wanted to ask whose room should we stay in? Should we just get a new apartment?” Jungkook questioned, kissing down your neck.

You thought about it for a second.

“We could move after graduation. We could figure something out so that it’s a little closer to my law school, or maybe something closer to your job, whichever one you decide to take.” 

Jungkook was pretty talented in his field, over the years managing to work as assistants for camera operators and editors in movies and various kdramas. He already had a promising resume. He worked a ton of jobs, did various commissions for friends, peers, even his school had him shoot something. He also was working some type of internship most of the time, the only time you can remember him not working was when he was going through that hard time. 

It was certainly going to be impressive to the production companies. With all the jobs he applied for, Jungkook’s professors and advisor assured him that he was bound at least to make it to the interview stage and was probably going to end up with multiple offers. 

His achievements were certainly amazing, but he had a tendency to downplay them.   

Jungkook nodded, the plan made sense. “For now though, you could move to my room. It’s a little bigger, maybe you could keep your clothes in your closet, but you could sleep here most of the time if you want.” You added. He just nodded along, until his brain actually processed what you were saying.

“What, aren’t our rooms the same size?” He recounted what you told him all those years ago once you decided to move here. 

You cringed at the mention of that. “5 extra square feet makes you do some crazy things.” You chuckled weakly. 

“Yah wait– what did you just say?!” 

“You never noticed!” You tried to defend but it was too late and he was already tackling you back down to the bed. 

Was he mad, not at all, if anything this was just an excuse to get you in this position. It’s strange what a year does to your libido. He couldn’t get enough of you. 

Jungkook kissed you all over your face and neck, making you laugh at the way it tickled. 

“I love you.” He said between kisses. 

“I love you too.” You made sure to look him in the eyes when he said it. You wanted him to know how much you meant it.

You were so happy. 

[dollwrites]

𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐜𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐠𝐮𝐢𝐥𝐭𝐲 𝐭𝐨 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐡𝐨𝐦𝐞 — 𝐥𝐞𝐯𝐢 𝐚𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐧

𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀 ∣ fem!scout!reader, a whole bunch of angst that no one asked for/is probably poorly written, graphic depictions of death and suicide, graphic descriptions of blood and injury, pre-season 1, all characters featured are 18+

𝗶𝗺𝗽𝗼𝗿𝘁𝗮𝗻𝘁 ∣ originally posted on 08.15.2022 do not repost or translate. please reblog && leave feedback. not proofread so there’s probably mistakes. thanks for reading <3

𝗻𝗼𝘄 𝗽𝗹𝗮𝘆𝗶𝗻𝗴 ∣ tears don’t fall ( acoustic ) by bullet for my valentine

you were the only one left.

blades broken, even the ones you’d clamored to liberate from your dead comrades.

gas tanks empty. every one.

and you were so tired; every muscle on fire. covered in blood ( most of which, thankfully, was not your own. ) and crumbling in the corner beneath the broken window, you breathe ragged. you’re much too exhausted to find the tears for your friends— you can hear it just outside, the sound of the ones that fell behind being devoured. you hold in your palm a single, fracture of a blade. you look down at it, seeing the reflection of a hopeless, young girl that’s too far from home staring back at you. you didn’t recognize that girl. it’d been much too long since you’d been that girl, but there she was.

you hated her. how weak and fragile she could be.

you hated that you couldn’t handle the unexpected horde by yourself, just like he could.

but mostly, you hated that you were separated from him.

Levi had protested heavily when Erwin proposed you lead your own squadron, even threatening to withdraw completely from the expedition with you, but you had been so hellbent on proving that you were ready, that Erwin could count on you and Levi could breathe easy knowing you had it under control, that you’d jumped at the opportunity.

and now, look where that had gotten you.

a massive, clumsy arm forces its way into the gap in the wall, waving wildly around trying to reach you, and you cower as close to the corner as you possibly could. luckily, you happen to be just out of the Titan’s grasp as long as you braced against the wall. your heart pounds against your rib cage.

you were safe for now, but even as you thought this, you could hear more gripping the walls of the weathered home you’d taken shelter in, wood splintering and rocks crumbling. in a matter of minutes, they would be plucking you from a pile of rubble.

“H—help…” you whisper to your own reflection, but you knew that you weren’t actually talking to her— not the frightened, little girl mirrored, but to Levi, who was probably miles away. much too far to reach you. “Please.” a pair of bowling ball eyes peer in through the window, darting rapidly back and forth to find you. “I’m so afraid.” your gaze flicks up to the Titan in the window, staring in horror as your eyes meet, its own completely void of any emotion at all, and your own watering as you realize you’re made.

“No…” you mumble, grinding your teeth to steady your voice, squeezing the blade tight in your palm. perhaps it was the shard cutting into your hand that caused your brows to furrow, or the resolve you forced on to your features, and into your heart. you couldn’t attack it— there was no way you’d be able to will your legs to carry you another inch, much less swing the weapon or get close enough to slice the nape. “You can’t… have me…” you take a deep, shaky breath and close your eyes.

you think about him. Levi. and how he’d tried to talk you out of joining the Scouts in the first place.

“I said no.”

“Giving me orders already, captain?” you’d teased, lighthearted, but Levi hadn’t laughed. his lips hadn’t even twitched.

“Scouts die.” he’d been leaning against the door, his arms crossed over his chest. his way of trying to keep you from going.

but you’d simply walked over to him, framing his face with both hands, the soft pads of your thumbs tracing his lips in hopes to persuade them to etch upwards, but they were cemented in a disapproving frown. “Everyone dies.”

“Everyone dies.” you repeat that now, eyes still closed, but it sounded different. your voice wasn’t soft and steady, it was trembling.

“I don’t want to watch you leave again. I want to be with you. I want to fight by your side.”

“Everyone dies.”

but you didn’t think that you would so soon. face to face with certain death when your life had just started didn’t seem fair. you still had so much to see, and do, and so much to show Levi. so many days that you wanted to spend with him, and you could see those slipping into an abysmal impossibility.

“I’m sorry.” whether you mutter the pathetic, monotone apology to the girl in the reflection or the man that would never hear the words is irrelevant. you were sorry to both.

to that unrecognizable version of yourself for not being stronger for her, for not protecting her.

and to Levi for breaking his heart. you didn’t mean to, but you knew what would happen when the high-strung captain heard you’d died. he’d blame himself. he’d lose himself in a rage so fierce that you worried he might take on the whole species of Titan by himself. you didn’t want that, you decided. you didn’t want him on some rampage for revenge that, ultimately, wouldn’t mean a damn thing. but you knew that what you wanted for him was irrelevant now. you’d never get the chance to tell him.

the first slice doesn’t hurt, perhaps because you’d done it so quickly that you didn’t even notice it’d actually cut until you saw the blood pouring from your wrist. the sight made you lightheaded, but you knew you had to finish what you started. angling the blade in that same hand, you struggle to make the second cut, dragging it awkwardly along your veins. it hurts this time, and you choke on a squeak when it finally shreds through your flesh, soaking it in crimson. within moments, pool starts to form on the floor around you, a ruby river. you stare at the Titan, who’d been watching you, unmoving. you wonder if it will still eat you, though you can’t imagine it would. its eyes are untelling, watching you, but it doesn’t reach for you.

good, you thought. with any luck, your body wouldn’t be too mangled. maybe they could even carry you home. Levi would want to give you a proper burial if he could.

that’s when you hear it.

the thunderous hoofbeats. there’s so many, an army of Scouts heading your way. your eyes widen when you recognize the furious stamping of his horse, leading the charge. “Levi—“ you murmur. “You made it…” you could already hear the whirring of their gear as the first wave of Scouts deployed to take the Titan horde down, and you had no doubt in your mind that Levi was making short work of them.

even the Titan in the window, which was staring at you with big, unblinking eyes, jolted and elicited a gurgling, inhuman moan, before steam leaked in through the window and he crumpled out of sight below. you heard it hit the ground, and then the world around you started to go fuzzy.

you’re so sleepy. you need to just… close your eyes for a moment. resting your head against the wall, your eyelids droop. but you smile, knowing that Levi was on his way. he’d come to save you. of course he had. and you’d have to thank him with a tight hug and a loving shower of kisses.

after just a wink or two of sleep.

Petra was mortified when Levi sheathed his blades and approached the house, a pile of dead and sizzling Titans behind him. she’d gone ahead to identify the bodies inside of there were any. there was only one, and she felt her breath catch in her throat. furthermore, she couldn’t even look at her captain, who knew immediately that something was very, very wrong.

“What is it?” he asked, shuffling closer. he grimaced— he could smell the Titan stink as the blood dissipated from his clothes.

“Captain…” Petra whispered, glancing at his feet, and then at her own.

Levi’s heart skipped a beat. he considered repeating his question, but she couldn’t even meet his gaze, so he was fairly certain he already knew the answer.

and it broke him.

he careened around her small frame as she tries to block the doorway.

“Wait, Levi!”

but it didn’t matter, he was already taking the stairs two at a time, breathing ragged, heart drumming in his ears. Petra followed behind him, begging him to slow down, to wait a minute, but he could hardly hear her. the bedroom doorway is buzzing with other Scouts, who all go completely silent when he reaches the landing. his hardened gaze, steel, grazes over each one. they all knew to back away and let him through, and they did so silently.

he could see you before he stepped inside, huddled in the corner, crimson-doused, and he held his breath.

no. he didn’t want to believe it, though he knew he had no choice. he didn’t want the knowledge, or the guilt.

I should’ve been here.

I should’ve never let you out of my sight.

a few paces in and broken glass and shattered blades crunch beneath his boot. out of the corner of his eye, he could see other Scouts lay in half eaten pieces, but you seemed utterly untouched, far enough away from the window that the Titan couldn’t have reached you.

Petra had entered, too, and the other Scouts began to filter in after her, all simply staring at Levi as he knelt in front of your body.

Why did Erwin insist on your own squad? Levi grinds his teeth— he couldn’t speak the words, and he knew you couldn’t hear them anyways. he could feel his anger bubbling. the commander would be lucky not to have a blade to his throat when Levi finally reached him. regardless of their friendship, regardless of the understandings they’ve reached, if he hadn’t pushed to promote you before you were ready, Levi knew you would still be alive. he would’ve been able to see to it personally.

“I came for you.” he mutters so low that only he hears it, and that’s only just barely. “I’m here.” he says it in hopes to stir you; a foolish want to see you wake up.

but the scene was all wrong, Levi thought, because you didn’t open your eyes. not even when he placed his palm against your cheek, urging it up, as if to coax you to look up at him. usually when he did this, your eyes lit up, a pleased smile etching your lips upwards, or you crooned and nestled against his caress.

you did neither this time. your skin was like ice, and if he had been a weaker man, he might’ve drawn his hand back in terror. he doesn’t, and instead, examines your face closely. your countenance is splattered with blood, but he realizes only after a moment that it doesn’t belong to you, as he takes the alabaster ascot from his neck and wipes the stains away. he couldn’t stand to see something dirtying your face. grateful that your face isn’t riddled with gouges or scars and now is easier to look at, he bites down on the inside of his lip and simply pets it, unblinking, hardly breathing.

“There’s room in the wagon.” Petra murmurs, coming closer. she doesn’t kneel down with him, gives him plenty of space, and he’s thankful for that. “We can take her home.”

Levi nods, but says nothing, his slate gaze falling to your arms, splayed out in the pool of blood, and he carefully takes one, prying it from the sticky puddle, and turns it in to cover the gash, placing it on your lap. he does the same to the other, as if to hide them from everyone, himself included. if he didn’t have to see those ugly slits, maybe he could imagine you were simply sleeping.

“I’m sure she…” Petra trails off, and Levi can tell she’s scrambling to ease his pain, or his rage, or both. “She was so brave in those final moments.”

“No,” Levi speaks, finally, and the room fell painfully silent— as if he were the only living being, “no. She was afraid.” he could see a faint streak where a tear would’ve been on your cheek, and he traces it with his finger. “She was terrified because she was the only one left. She didn’t even know we were en route.” he wanted to curse you for not giving him just a little bit more time. didn’t you know that he would always protect you? why couldn’t you just hold on? “She died thinking I abandoned her.” and in his eyes, he did. he should’ve pushed harder against Erwin’s orders.

rage broiled within him, searing the blood coursing through his veins. in this moment, he wanted to bring every Titan outside back to life just to kill them all over again. he wanted to murder every, single monster until his body finally gave out from exhaustion, all in your name.

it’s my fault.

I did this.

My failure to fight harder to secure her safety killed the woman I love.

his hands ball into tight, white knuckled fists at his sides, his eyes wet with potential tears. he thought he was over this— the pain of losing people, and maybe he had been before you came along. he never expected to lose you, and maybe he was silly for that.

but now that he had, it hurt like hell.

“Levi.”

“Leave me alone, Petra.” he pleads with a surprisingly stable bark. “I need some time to think.”

“Levi?”

he blinks, confused. it wasn’t Petra’s voice, after all. he looks over his shoulder, blinking several times, and the scene around him melted into nothing. instead of looking into Petra’s eyes, he was staring into yours. his eyes squint against the morning sunlight spilling through the window and bathing you in a celestial glow. it took him a moment to realize he was on his back, in the bed the two of you shared, and you were lingering over him. you smile when you realize he’s awake, and it’s that lovely, soft curve of your lips that brings his first breath to his lips. he could exhale, knowing that you were here with him. “You were talking in your sleep again.” you murmur, petting his raven tendrils back from his sweat-slicked forehead for a minute, before you pull back and plant your feet on the floor.

you were half dressed, clad in your ODM gear and buttoning up your top.

Levi doesn’t respond, pulling himself into an upright position. his bare torso was gleaming with perspiration, and he could feel the sheets under him were soaked, too. he watches your back, heart still pounding in his chest.

even though it was just a bad dream, it still weighed heavily on him. because today was the day he dreaded— once outside the walls, you and a small group of soldiers would split off from the formation first. he just stared at you across the room, the horrific visage of your corpse still too fresh in his mind to let go. his head was spinning, a lump lodging itself so tight in his throat that he could hardly even breathe around it.

you don’t seem to notice at all, and maybe that’s because Levi Ackerman was damn good at putting on a convincing poker face. “Hurry up and get dressed.” you say, grabbing his uniform in your fist, finally turning to him and tossing it into his lap. “Unless you plan on leading the expedition in your underwear,” you pause, a teasing giggle bubbling up from your throat, “Although, I’m sure there’s plenty of Scouts that wouldn’t mind seeing th—“

you gasp.

Levi had practically flown from the bed, and he moved so fast you had no time to react before both arms locked around you, pulling you into a tight embrace. the blanket was still fluttering in the air, and settling back on to the mattress when you realized your captain was burying his face in your neck. the room is utterly silent, you can’t hear a thing besides the beating of your own heart. “Levi…?” but you hugged him back; of course you did. wrapping your arms around him in kind, you nuzzle into his embrace, kissing his warm, naked shoulder.

finally, after several quiet moments of this— Levi squeezing you tight, he pulls back, and his features are still and calm. he looks like himself, but you notice a twinkle in his grey gaze, a tear forced back. you decide not to comment on it, because his hand has come up to caress your cheek. “Be careful today.”

“Always.” you respond, but that doesn’t seem good enough for him.

“I mean it.” he insists, thin brows furrowed. you nod, starting to speak again, but he cuts you off. “Don’t be reckless. Promise me.”

your eyes are wide and peering at him— he rarely talked like this. “I promise. I’ll be careful. I won’t be reckless.” you consider saying the same to him, but decide against it. you could see, now that he was close, that he was stressed. his brows refused to unknit, and his mouth was a tight, thin line. even his fingertips barely twitched against your skin. “I’ll even beat you to the rendezvous point.” you whispered, hoping to ease his tension, and it seems to work, if only for a moment, because his expression softens.

“You’d better.”

[writermask-0807-backupblog]

TOSHINORI YAGI X READER {TRISTIS OCULIS." or: "YOU HAVE SAD EYES," }

A/N: It's Writermask, and it's my first post as the ✨BaCkUp bLoG✨!!! I officially got permission by Mod Eve (once-upon-a-scenario, you should really check them out if u already don't follow them), and am so happy!!! 😊this is a new writing s t y l e I've tried, and I hope u enjoy!!

Warnings: ooc Toshinori, mentions of blood, implications of abuse and depression.

HIS eyes are blue. 

They're the most bluest you've ever seen- bright, bright sapphire hues, the rich spill of azure and cerulean over the black of the canvas, a slice of cloudless skies, the crystalline haze of the ocean. 

And because you can recognize and dissect the character of a person through the shapes and colors of their eyes, (you know that sounds weird, and vaguely disturbing, even inside your head)- you know his eyes are the eyes of someone trustworthy, the eyes of a caring, friendly person- not the usually jaded, maybe even angry individual you usually encounter on these late night shifts.

(It's… refreshing, in a sense. Sort of, anyway. At least he's not glaring at you, impatiently grinding his teeth as you check his things out, or radiating the stifling aura of someone intimidating and not to be trifled with (like that Yakuza man with the cold, golden eyes that you met last week, but you digress), like the usual pew of customers that trickle in at this time of the night. 

Instead, this man just looks… incredibly tired even as he manages a polite, feeble smile for you, and his skinny, frail-looking frame slumps with fatigue, like he's particularly world-weary today- as though the weight of the world is resting on his shoulders, heavy with a burden no-one but himself could possibly bear. 

There are purple shadows under his eyes, and his cheeks are sunken in, and there's a certain hollowness to the way his sunflower-hued bangs veils his thin, tired face, a certain resignation to the way the sharp planes of his shoulders are hunched together, as he droops tiredly, looking like he's about to black out at any given moment.) 

His eyes- those bright forget-me-not blues- they're the eyes of someone bright and cheerful (just… not right now), the eyes of a soft, caring person. They hold true kindness in them- the rare sort of kindness that's genuinely heartfelt, and you can already tell that this tall, lanky skeleton of a man has a big, big heart, and honestly, you have a shrewd feeling that he offers this silent gift of kindness- this unaffordable, rich gift of anyone and everyone who needs it. 

And without even knowing this stranger, you just know he's the type of person who'd make a good hero. (Or maybe, the sort of person who's already a great hero, in his own way.) But despite all that, you glimpse something below that bottomless blue of his empty gaze, something hollow and empty, almost like… 

Melancholy. Loneliness. Sadness. 

And it’s contagious, somehow, in some way or another, and your heart aches for him- because you know that feeling all too well to not be acquainted with its presence, to the agony and inner turmoil that ensues with its touch. 

The wilting look of frailty, of fragility in his lowered eyes reminds you of your own dark days- (of spending time curled in on yourself, of the constant hunger roaring through your stomach, of the gaping void of loss in your heart, the wet feel of metal flooding your mouth, of screaming and screaming and screaming for a help that never came-!) 

You blink back the sudden bitter sting of memories flooding your mind, and you stare absently at him- at this poor, broken ghost of a man and wonder if this is how you once looked- once upon a time when you lost everything and everyone and had no more purpose to live, and his items suddenly goes limp in your hand as you lower them to the surface of the counter. The words spill out before you can stop them- hold them back, and for some reason, they taste sour on your tongue as you unconsciously murmur them out loud. 

"Tristis Oculis."

The blonde startles at the sound of your voice slicing the silence apart, as though he's forgotten your presence for a moment, and then he straightens immediately, hands clenching into fists at his sides, as he goes stiff-shouldered and rigid-spined, like he's ready to be attacked. Despite the cordial smile that's still twisting his thin lips as he realizes there's only you- the entranced cashier behind the counter, there's a wary look in those tundra blue eyes as he tiredly meets your flustered gaze, but there's also confusion veiled behind the fatigue, curiosity laced behind the wariness. 

"Sorry?"

He asks mildly, and you falter, breath hitching in your chest, eyes widening in absolute horror, as you realize that you've just voiced your musings aloud, and you slap your exasperated palms over your mouth, petrified at your blunder. 

Pure and absolute mortification and embarrassment dawns on you as you realize what you'd just spoken, and you bow immediately, a hurricane of apologies falling uncontrollably from your lips, as shame weighs heavily in your chest, accompanied by the familiar stitch of gnawing guilt knitting your insides together into an uncomfortable, anxiety-induced bunch. You can feel heat rush to your face as your cheeks ignite in a wild, brilliant shade of ashamed scarlet. 

You truly are sorry sorry sorry, you really hadn't meant to offend him any sort of way, you hadn't even meant to mutter that phrase aloud, you just-... You're awkward, and not really good at this, and you're deeply sorry, you really are. Sorry sorry sorry. 

You tell him as much, your arm flailing about in wild, panicked gestures as you scrabble to bow even more deeply for apology, and you're pretty sure you've confused the poor man even more, as now he's blushing heavily too, wheezing something along the lines of "No, no, there's no need to apologize, really, it's fine!" as he forces a strained, awkward smile for your sake- an effort that doesn't go unnoticed by you, despite the terror clutching at your chest and the panic flooding your veins. 

(Really, he's too kind-hearted.)

"But really, what did you mean by that phrase? I'm not… exactly familiar with it. "

The man says, when your panic finally dies down and all formal apologies has been exchanged between the somewhat exasperated him and your horrified self, tilting his head curiously, the corners of his mouth dipping down in a small, curious frown, and despite the blush of embarrassment coloring the apples of your cheeks, you can't help but compare him to an eager puppy. An eager, adorable puppy. 

As soon as the thought forms, you snuff it out defiantly, cheeks are flaming even brighter at the- the audacity of it! He's your customer, for God's sake! 

(But really, overlooking the momentarily halted drowsiness in his lanky, skeletal limbs, the fatigue sagging his shoulders and tiredness creasing his gaunt face, he really looks… cute. Not that he doesn't look cute regardless, but that's not the point!) 

You startle nervously when you realize he's still looking at you, with those intensely blue, blue eyes, steady gaze a relentless blizzard, and you wring your hands together in a nervous tick as you begin to explain your… strangeness. 

"T-tristis Oculis. It's um," You smile awkwardly at him, hoping to ease the storm of tension rolling thickly through the atmosphere, (that apparently only you seemed to detect, as the blonde seemed too preoccupied with searching your eyes for an answer.) "It's a- um, a Latin saying. It, uh, it means sad eyes." 

You answer, stuttering around the dryness in your mouth, and you tongue feels like a heavy, unmoving weight in your mouth as you reply, fingers flexing tightly as you fist the fabric of your shirt in your clenched palms, to soothe your forever worsening anxiety, and you can feel the flush on your cheeks sear even hotter.

He stays silent, unreadable, (you get the feeling that he's normally a very expressive person, but just… not right now. Maybe you hit a nerve, or finally offended him in some way?) and you begin to panic once more. You fumble to say something, to break the awkward, heavy silence but you fail for the proper words as your mind blanks of all coherent thoughts, meek voice withering at the back of your throat as you desperately try to breathe around the knot of panic squeezing your chest, and your heart lodges in your throat, hammering wildly. 

Before you can say anything, however, he speaks first, shattering the pregnant silence, and his voice is an incredibly, deceptively soft whisper, like he's on the verge of breaking down. 

"How do you perceive my eyes as sad?"

His cobalt gaze is steady and hard- unlike the barely concealed tremors in his voice, and it pierces right through you, and as you try your very best not to shrink and fidget under the heavy weight of his gaze, you get washed by a sudden, strange sensation that feels odd in the most strangest of ways- like he's peering right into your soul. 

(But despite the firmness in his stare, you see the minute shifts, see the way he falters, the smallest of breaths hitching in his chest, the slight widening of those powder blue eyes, the edges of darkness licking at his vision. Honestly, it's tragic, in a sense, because it's like looking into a shattered mirror and seeing what had once been yourself.) 

Your heart stutters and throttles in your heaving chest, and you swallow thickly, unsure as to how to answer properly, feeling as though you're treading on very thin ice. It doesn't feel like he’s going to hurt you, however. More like how you were going to hurt him, instead. 

You're seized by a sudden melancholy, somber feeling, and you feel the embarrassment ebbing away as you meet the crystal blue of his gaze, and you feel like you're sharing something of a very private, intimate moment, despite both of you barely knowing each other at all.

You decide not to lie. This moment feels too intimate, too precious for you to do so. 

The truth is heavy and bittersweet on your tongue as you voice it aloud, and there's still a bashfulness in the way you fiddle with the hem of your shirt as you reply, cheeks flooding with crimson. (You're pretty sure you resemble nothing short of a very red tomato at this point.)

There's a note of strength, a wavering finality in your tone, however- one that leaves no room for argument. 

"You- your eyes looked sad. And I- I know it's probably offensive and probably not my place, but, um, you look like someone that's normally really happy and bright, but- just, just very tired right now. Like you're afraid and broken and you want to be helped, but there's no-one for you to call out for… "

And indeed, despite the genuine friendliness and kindness and care that's thinly veiled behind the tire brimming in the ocean blue of his gaze, he has the saddest eyes you've ever seen- like he's breathed the air of war, tasted the bitterness of death and rot- like he's lost too many people and he's afraid and too broken to lose anymore. 

(Like he's been strong for too long.) 

(There's something unsaid crossing your tongue, and despite the fact that you don't speak it out loud, you know the both of you can hear it's silent voice- because you're both survivors, and you both can recognize and understand each other's pain, hear the desperation better than anyone else ever will. 

"I know that look, because I've been there before- in that dark, dreary place you're in right now.") 

When you finally muster enough strength to raise your heavy gaze and meet his blistering stare (it's softened considerably), there's a pearlescent liquid collecting at the corners of his eyes, something raw and painful and filled with pure, unadulterated hurt smoldering in his eyes, and it makes your own eyes water with white-hot emotion.

(Because you know exactly how this feels- know how much relief and liberation fills you when someone recognizes your torment and offers help- no matter how meager it is, when your cracks are allowed to mend, when the agony lessens even if it is only by the mercy of some kind words and a gentle smile.)

And as the late evening light of the dying sun spills through the windows, the filter of waning sunlight silhouettes his sharp, lanky (not-so-stiff) profile in spools of molten gold and honey, highlighting the honeycomb color of his wild, wild mane of a hair, and his eyes, those bright, bright sapphire hues gleam like freshly cut gemstones, forget-me-not blues so very vivid and glimmering with a renewed  color and life that wasn't there before. 

He's smiling through the tears as he lifts a palm to rub at the corners of his eyes, and it's a tender, soft sort of smile, not quite as bright and cheerful as he might've wanted it to be, all sweet and appreciative and gentle as the corners of his eyes crease into half-moons with the force of it. 

(And your heart skips a beat as it lurches forward in your chest, and your breath halts, sitting still in your lungs, and your eyes widen, because his smile is so, so beautiful.) 

You suddenly realize that nobody else has noticed his pain, tried to heal his hurt the way you have, and the revelation makes your own heart ache for him in the most bittersweetest of ways, and you welcome the pain that follows. 

"And the part- the part where you said I'd make a good hero?" 

He asks, and there's sort of a hesitation- a tone of rippling hope and childish innocence in his voice that would make anyone buckle at the knees and coo at him, and you feel your cheeks flush scarlet once again. Had you mentioned that part out loud too? Gosh, you're really awkward, aren't you?

His eyes are blue, and they're brimming with a sort of childish inquisition and the rim of tears and hope that you absolutely cannot bear to crush. 

So- bearing your broadest, most brightest grin, you answer honestly, and you can't help but love the way those deep forget-me-not blues seem to light up from the inside out. 

"I fully believe it."

{BONUS}:-

(And maybe, you'll never learn the secret that the man you would come to know as Toshinori Yagi, and eventually to your best friend and then to your lover, was really the Number One Hero All Might himself, and that on that day, and many days after that, you would be his hero- the person who'd seen him at his lowest and help him climb back onto his feet once again.) 

FIN - 

[ikaroux]

Wake up.

Author's note: Ola ola ola! I'm going to start writing a multi-chapter book in a pure HAREM style! The main character will still be the reader, but in order to make the reading a little smoother, I've decided to replace my traditional V/N with Eve, which I'll italicize to let you choose the first name of your choice. It's more a question of personal comfort than anything else. I may also give the character some physical characteristics, like long hair or a particular eye color that changes depending on the plot of the story, but otherwise free to imagine the reader as you see fit <3.

(Not having an AO3 account yet, I will post on tumblr first until I can post on that platform).

Surrounded by the stars, your body seemed to float in a stellar water. Silence was the only master of the place, plunging you into a peaceful sleep. You felt so tired...

Wake up...

Your eyes opened slowly, searching with trembling eyes for the source of that voice.

Wake up Eve...

Distraught, you came out of your lying position, your arms flailing at your sides to keep you out of the water, looking around you for the source of that mysterious voice. A voice that was neither a man's nor a woman's, or was it both?

They need you... Remember.

"Who are you?"

They need you to come home, Eve.

"Who are you!?" You shouted, a hint of anguish distorting your voice.

An excruciating pain suddenly erupted in your head, forcing your hands to hold your skull in hopes that it would ease your suffering. Images began to flash through your subconscious. A world in the grip of war, men and women fighting with elemental powers, a divine entity awakening from a long sleep, a giant form hovering in the void more or less resembling an egg painted in the colors of the universe, an explosion, the birth of a world, the love of a deity for his creation...

Then the image of a being with androgynous looks, kneeling on a marble floor, surrounded by several beings dressed in tunics similar to those of the gods of the antiquity of your world. All this looked like a trial... or rather a condemnation... One of the deities was reading a text aloud. Her long, immaculate white hair resembled that of the god who was facing her accusations. The golden eyes of the one who had just announced herself as Asmodeus, guardian of the laws of the vault, were cold and merciless.

The closer the moment of the verdict approached, the more you seemed to feel a lack of air in your lungs. Your ears were ringing, making it difficult to understand what Asmodeus was saying to the assembly. Nevertheless, some bits of speech reached your aching ears. The words Celestia, war, Teyvat, reign, and death sentence managed to enter your mind before the reaper approached the condemned with his heavy axe. Your breathing quickened, you could feel your face turn pale and the sweat run down your temples as the kneeling being slowly lifted his face, once lowered to the ground, toward you. His beautiful face with feminine features was marked by war, exhaustion and abdication. Nevertheless, her golden glowing eyes, similar to Asmodeus, shone with intensity as they reflected your image.

Wake up!

The sound of metal scraping against the ground ceased as the axe rose violently above the god's neck. You screamed in horror as the scene suddenly darkened, the sound of severed flesh echoing in your voice...

You sat up violently on your bed, your body drenched in sweat and a choking feeling that made you feel like you were dying. A cough caught in your throat as your hands gripped your aching neck. Waiting for a moment for your breathing to return to normal, you then reached for the light switch on your bedside lamp with a trembling hand. Your heart was pounding in your chest, making you dizzy and nauseous. As soon as your fingers found the switch, a dim light partially illuminated the room, giving you a violent headache that made you grind your teeth. Awkwardly pulling the sheets off your body, you got up and headed for the bathroom that was connected to your bedroom.

You lived in a small student apartment, not far from the university where you were studying. Your living space might have seemed cramped to many, after all, you only had three rooms to yourself, your bedroom, which could barely contain a bed, a bedside table and a small desk. The bathroom, where you took your shower in a cabin barely thicker than you, an old sink topped by a mirror with damaged reflections, a toilet as well as a small cabinet to store your medicines, towels and cosmetics. Finally, the last room was a simple living room/kitchen, containing the bare minimum to live, study and eat properly. All of this at an exorbitant price but necessary to be able to study in the university of your dreams. This place had at least allowed you to fight your claustrophobia...

Exhausted, you were looking with a trembling hand for the pills for your migraines and for a sedative to help you recover. How long had you been living like this, plagued by nightmares, insomnia and constant migraines? Weeks? No, more like months. Swallowing with difficulty the pills that you had carelessly thrown into your mouth with a glass of water that you had left within reach for this occasion, your eyes red with exhaustion looked for your reflection in the mirror. You were a shadow of your former self, your complexion pale and your cheeks hollowed out. Your neck bore the marks of your fingers... A sigh escaped from your lips, letting the mist hide your reflection. Your eyes closed for a few seconds as your hands rested on the edge of the sink to support your body. Feeling your pills slowly taking effect, you slowly moved away from the sink and walked heavily back to your bed.

Sitting on the mattress, you reached into the drawer of your bedside table for a notebook that you always kept close at hand. Opening it, you could see old notes that you had written after every nightmare, every rude awakening. At the top of each page was the date and time you woke up. Rereading the last few lines of your notebook, the words Teyvat, Asmodeus, Celestia seemed to come up again and again in your dreams. Turning the pages of your notebook, you noticed that this was the case for every dream you had written down, with a few differences. Names you didn't know would appear here and there: Morax, Barbatos, Beelzebub, Buer, Paimon, and many others. Names that, strangely enough, also existed in your world as belonging to demons. A shiver ran down your spine. You weren't really the type to believe in demons, gods and all those unreal fantasies, but a small part of you seemed to be marked by the dreams that haunted you every night. You couldn't take it anymore and sometimes had to resort to medication to make it through the night without nightmares.

After writing down what you had seen that night, your dark eyes turned to your alarm clock. Five o'clock in the morning... Your astrophysics class was starting in three short hours. Going back to sleep was not an option, you had to have a clear mind for the day ahead. The study of the stars, of the universe was a passion. A passion that you wanted to make a career out of, so it wasn't hard for you to motivate yourself. Slapping your cheeks with your fresh hands, you got up from your bed to open the shutters of the best room in your apartment, the balcony.

"Come on Eve, you'll have plenty of time to sleep when you're dead." An expression your mother used to say to you every time she tried to encourage you. Fatigue seemed to fade instantly from your features. Ready to face this new day, you went to the bathroom to get ready for an invigorating shower.

Packing your bag, you check that all your important items were in it, mainly your books, your notes, your wallet and, of course, your smartphone. Proud of your organization, you took the last novel you were on to satisfy your little romantic side. Checking one last time that nothing was forgotten, you left your apartment to reach the train station that would take you to your campus, three stations after your stop. Making a quick detour to the local coffee shop, you emerged with your caffeine fix in hand. Without looking where you were walking, you were already nose in your book, looking for the passage you had stopped on last time.

"Ah yes, it was there." Laughing softly as you reread the lines of the text, you wondered how the heroine of your book had managed to get herself into a situation where several men were declaring their love for her and who, on top of that, agreed to her having a relationship with each of them. How strange and unusual, but so exciting!

Your steps led you mechanically to the train station even as you were immersed in the plot of your book, sipping your hot drink between sentences. Waiting on the platform, you didn't notice the strangeness of the place. Everything was quiet, without a sound or movement. Even the wind seemed to have died down. You were alone at a time when many people were supposed to take their train to go to work or to study... Only the sound of the train approaching at high speed seemed to break the silent harmony that had been created. Time seemed to have frozen, like a taut wire ready to break.

Wake up!

You violently raised your head from your book, your eyes wide open, stupor easily read in them, your gaze locked on what they saw in front of you. The figure of a child stood on the platform opposite yours. Her hair, tied in an elegant ponytail on the left side of her head, was dyed white with emerald green streaks, looking as if it had just come out of a dream. Her pointed ears resembled those of the elves of the Nordic legends. Her lips moved suddenly, uttering words in a language that was foreign to you. Her emerald eyes begged you to help her... And just as you started to reach out to her, the train coming into the station made you step back. The strong wind that accompanied it blew your hair away. The space around you seemed to blacken, to fade away. Panicked, your eyes searched for the little girl behind the train, until a hand came in front of your eyes, obscuring your view.

Don't be afraid. Everything will be all right. You just need to wake up.

Your heart drummed in your chest and your breathing became difficult. Why was this happening? Why was this happening to you in broad daylight? It was a dream, wasn't it? Your arms wrapped around your chest, clutching your bag and book to it, your fingers tightening dangerously around your drink.

You screamed in terror as a force seemed to suck you into the darkness...

Your eyes snapped open as you took a deep breath of air. Something was wrong... You were no longer on the platform of your train, but in a sort of gigantic amphitheater library with a fantastic look. Everything was made of white marble, vines and flowers wrapped around the columns of the room. Books were arranged by the thousand, rising to heights that would make any history and knowledge lover's head spin. Lost, frightened, trembling, your eyes darted nervously around the room before coming face to face with a jade spear that threatened to slit your throat. Flinching violently, your hand released its grip on your cup, scattering across the floor of your still warm drink.

"Who are you and where did you come from? Speak!"

Your lips trembled as you couldn't look away from the blade. Tears were welling up in your eyes... You were physically and morally exhausted, it had become too much for you, you wanted to break, to take his weapon and throw it in his face. But fear froze you in place, making you even more vulnerable than an insect about to be crushed.

"What are you waiting for to speak stranger!?"

The tip of his blade touched the delicate skin of your neck, making you groan in terror. Your heartbeat became more and more violent, waking up your headache. Despite the fear and pain, you couldn't help but notice something strange about this man... The language he used to speak to you was totally unknown to you... Yet you could understand it as if you had heard it all your life.

"Xiao, put the gun down. This young lady looks completely terrified."

The black-haired man slowly lowered his gun without ever taking his eyes off me. His amber eyes held only distrust and ferocity towards me, leaving me trembling in my lap. The other man, the one who had called out to his comrade, moved closer to him, placing a reassuring hand on his shoulder. He was tall, much taller than the man who called himself Xiao. His long, earthy coat showed off his perfect figure. This man, who had long, fine brown hair, slowly approached you, raising his gloved hand to place it on your cheek, but he was surprised to see you recoil in fear.

"Don't be afraid. No one here will hurt you."

The man turned to the seats adorning the amphitheater, and it was only then that you noticed the men standing behind him, looking at you with curiosity and suspicion. Unable to take it anymore, your legs gave way under the pressure. A flicker of concern crossed Xiao's features, disappearing immediately when he saw his friend kneeling beside you, brushing some strands of your hair away from your face.

"You are extremely pale." He looked around for one of the men. "Tighnari, can you take her over?"

A man with large fennec ears and a matching tail ran up to you, causing you to violently back away from him. The man stopped short when he saw your frightened reaction.

"What the hell are you?! Why do you have guns!? Why does it have ears and a tail!? What do you want from me!? Leave me alone... Leave me..." Tears blurred your vision as your throat tightened dangerously, preventing you from speaking. You felt your breathing jerk, forcing you to inhale and exhale with more force.

"I'm afraid communication is complicated. It would seem that this young woman speaks no language known to our world."

You looked up at a man with gray hair and a turquoise sheen. His eyes were a strange color, a mixture of light turquoise with orange pupils. Like virtually every man gathered in this room, he was extremely well built and incredibly handsome.

"If even Alhaitham can't understand her, I'm afraid there's nothing we can do to calm her down." Said a man wearing an eye patch, blue hair cascading over his left shoulder.

"Aether... Maybe Paimon could help us decipher what she's saying. She did it well for you on your journey through the seven nations." The red-haired man who had just spoken looked at his friend with a tense gaze, his ruby eyes darting between you and the young blond man accompanied by a... small flying creature. The man called Aether rested his fingers on his chin, seeming to think for a brief moment before being interrupted by the little creature stuck to him.

"Hehe~ Leave it to me!" She said, pretending to roll up her sleeves. "What would you do without the amazing Paimon!" Some huffed, annoyed by Paimon's words, others just rolled their eyes, a slight smile on their lips.

Paimon twirled to me, bringing his face dangerously close to mine.

"I promise, it won't hurt!" She said as her hand touched my forehead, a white glow coming from it, partially blinding me. She stepped back as soon as the light disappeared, turning to the others, fists on hips and a proud look lighting up her features. "Hmph! It's done. Oye Bull-Chucker! Bow to my superiority!"

"Hah!? Come and tell me that to my goddamn Flying Lavender Melon face!" Shouted the man with horns, advancing with a threatening step towards the little floating fairy. Instinctively, fear made you back away.

"Say BULL-CHUCKER again!?"

"Paimon! Itto!" Aether stood between the two, glaring at them. "You're scaring him!" A childish laugh diverted your attention, your eyes settling on the form of a young man with midnight blue hair, wearing long wavy locks dotted with a beautiful hint of aqua color. His green eyes gazed tenderly at you as he knelt beside you, shadowing Morax and Tighnari who had remained by your side throughout this whole setup.

"Fear not, they speak loudly but are gentle as lambs. I am Venti, and the slightly scary man at my side is named Zhongli!" Zhongli gave him a dark look that he wanted to be discreet. "Tell me, what is your name?" Your breathing gradually returned to a steady rhythm as you listened to Venti's soft voice. The man, who appeared to be in his early twenties, like most of the men here, gave off something soft, reassuring.

"I-I... Eve... I'm-I was just..." You wanted to tell him everything. You wanted to tell him about the little girl across the dock who was calling for help, the darkness that was engulfing you, your nightmares, that voice that kept whispering in your ear, telling you to wake up. But the deafening pain in your head silenced you, a deafening whistle invading your ears and bringing tears to your eyes. You dropped your book and bag to hold your head in your hands, bending forward slightly, trying to hide from the blinding light of the room. A hand came up hastily behind your back, rubbing it in a protective gesture. The touch was warm, reassuring. Raising your blurred gaze towards the one who touched you, you could not distinguish to whom belonged the multiple worried faces that surrounded you, and it was with a last moan of pain that you lost consciousness...

Xiao's point of view

Xiao let his weapon disappear as he watched the obvious pain on your face. He immediately thought that he was the one who caused your discomfort. He tried to silence the two rambunctious men, but he was quickly caught off guard by Thomas, Aether, and Diluc who were already separating them, Diluc using his natural authority to admonish Itto and Paimon. Xiao's attention returned to you. Hesitantly, he took a step in your direction, stopping abruptly when he saw Archon Anemo standing beside you.

Since the end of the war against the abyss, several years had passed, leaving all the members of the group to grow and mature with the seasons. Xiao was not to be outdone. After his body was cleansed of karma thanks to the traveler and Teyvat was freed from the yoke of Celestia, Xiao underwent some physical changes as well, growing a few inches taller, now reaching Morax's shoulders, so he no longer had to bend his neck to look him in the eye. Barbatos, or rather Venti, was not left out. The man was no longer a child, he had grown up, his hair had grown to his shoulder blades and his face had lost its childish features. Nevertheless, Venti had something that Xiao did not, a reassuring aura that seemed to calm your nerves.

As soon as Xiao heard your name, he couldn't help but find it beautiful and sweet. Without lying to himself, Xiao found you beautiful in every way, even if your facial features were pale and drawn by fatigue, you gave off a comforting aura... Shaking his head violently to compose himself, he looked at you again, forcing himself to think that you might be a threat to Teyvat... Xiao was ready to pull out his gun at any moment to annihilate you if necessary. Yet when he saw you collapse in on yourself, holding your head in your hands with a pained expression, he was one of the first to go to you, putting a hand on your back to calm you down. Your eyes locked with his, not seeming to recognize him. You fell unconscious, collapsing into the arms of Morax, who was standing in front of you. Before he could act, Xiao was seized with a protective surge, lifting you into his arms and rushing out of the amphitheater.

"Xiao!" Morax's voice sounded worried as he called out to his faithful Yaksha.

"I wouldn't hurt him." Said Xiao without stopping to walk. "Cyno, show me the nearest room to this academy." Xiao was quickly joined by a white-haired man, his head crowned with a jackal helmet. They were almost the same size, give or take a few inches.

"Come on, there's an infirmary not far from here. Tighnari will be able to take care of her once she gets there." Tighnari was already at Xiao's heels, quickly followed by the group of men in the room...

The hours passed while you slept. Dottore had placed an IV on you to inject a sedative, allowing your breathing to return to normal. Xiao watched you sleep, his face reassured as he saw that your body had relaxed once... that Fatui, Dottore and Tighnari had taken care of you. All the pain seemed to have gone out of you thanks to the potion Dottore had concocted for you.

Monitoring Fatui's actions, making sure he didn't do anything strange to you, Xiao continued to listen to the ramblings of his comrades gathered in the academy's gigantic infirmary.

"What a strange book. It seems to show a different solar system from ours. This blue planet... It seems habitable and... strangely similar to our world." Alhaitham turned the pages of one of the books you carried in your bag, drawing the curiosity of several pairs of eyes such as Kaeya, Pantalone, Albedo, Aether, Itto and Scaramouche. Kaveh rolled his eyes as he watched the group of men freely intrude into the privacy of a young woman without her permission.

"It's fascinating. Are there no pages about the life forms that populate this world?" Albedo wondered.

"Hmph! Even if you had that kind of page, you wouldn't be able to read a single line. It's so frustrating. Tell me Aether, your flying insect can't translate what's on it." Scaramouche frowned as he tried to read the funny letters written on the pages.

"Ah! Gnngnngnnn wait a little while until I find a new nickname for you, you stupid-!" Paimon got angry before finding himself with Aether's hand over his mouth.

"Indeed, the writing is completely different from ours. I've never seen such a strange alphabet." Pantalone ran a curious finger over the lines of text.

"You shouldn't touch his things without his permission. I find that very intrusive of you gentlemen." Alhaitham and the group around him gave Kaveh a cold look, making the poor architect who was leaning against the wall beside him shudder. Without answering him, they resumed their contemplation of the astronomy book he was holding. Albedo was the only one to get out of the group, however, heading for the bag that was lying nonchalantly at your side. There he took a book that had titillated his curiosity. Opening it, he could see your beautiful handwriting... With a smile on his lips, he quietly browsed the pages until his expression darkened as he "read".

"Interesting..."

In front of your bed stood Diluc, arms crossed, watching you with a concerned eye while keeping an eye on Dottore. Others were talking in low voices among themselves, avoiding making too much noise so as not to wake you up.

"What do you think Chongyun, what is this book about?" Xingqiu whispered to his friend while showing him the cover of the book. Chongyun looked at the illustrated cover of a young woman looking at the reader as she was embraced by two men who seemed madly in love with her. Chongyun felt a strong heat rising on his cheeks and his whole body, making his friend giggle. Kazuha and Heizou also glanced at the cover before giving each other amused looks.

"A highly spicy romance novel if you ask me." Ria Heizou.

"Nothing abnormal about it, many women like this kind of story." Kazuha's soft voice was far from mocking. He enjoyed reading, of any type and any horizon. He would never allow himself to judge the taste and colors of others. Childe approached the group and snatched the book from Xingqiu's hands, turning the pages with a frown.

"Seriously, what language is this written in?!" Xingqiu smiled with a shrug. He too had not been able to decipher this foreign language. Alhaitham, Dottore, Tighnari and Cyno had tried to translate a few lines, but it seemed that the alphabet used was completely unknown to them.

Varka was standing by a window, talking confidently with Pulcinella, Pierrot and Capitano, all three theorizing about your origins.

Not far away stood Razor, Bennett, Mika and Venti, all four sitting on a bed near yours. Venti watched you happily while curiosity veiled Razor's eyes.

"Eve smells like sunshine. Good." Bennett laughed nervously as he looked at his friend.

"And you Mika, what do you think of her?" Asked the young man as he turned to his friend at his side. Mika, surprised by the question, simply dipped his head in his notebook.

"M-Me? I don't think anything special... Just... Uh... She's... Pretty maybe?" Mika immediately regretted his words when he heard Venti laugh loudly, one of his arms abruptly wrapping around the blonde young man's shoulders.

"Sorry to disappoint you my friend, but I spotted it first!" Venti drew dark looks at him. Xiao sighed, crossing his arms as he continued to observe the scene.

"Xiao, how are you feeling?" Yaksha turned his surprised gaze to Zhongli who was standing beside him, arms crossed against his chest, keeping his eyes fixed on your sleeping body.

"Lord Zhongli?"

"I know you think you're at fault for this young lady's condition, but trust me, she looked bad enough when she arrived." Xiao looked away, exhaling a strained breath. Xiao lowered his head, the weight of guilt still weighing down his heart.

"Perhaps you're right, Lord Zhongli, but my stubbornness must have worsened his condition... I... Noticed as soon as she arrived that she seemed to be on the verge of collapse, yet I did not hesitate to threaten her with my spear. I saw in her an enemy. But now... She looks so frail, so fragile." Xiao looked at her trembling hands before clenching them into fists.

"You did the right thing, Master Yaksha. I would have surely acted like you if I were in your shoes." Xiao and Zhongli simultaneously turned their heads towards the one addressing them. Ayato was leaning against the back of a couch, looking at the sleeping young woman with a gentle expression, although it wasn't hard to detect a hint of sadness in it. "If we are gathered here today, it is to find a solution to recover what we have lost. I would have done anything to get clues about the whereabouts of my younger sister, Ayaka. Even if it meant threatening this young woman with my sword." Thomas and Gorou nodded sadly. "We are not monsters, Lord Yaksha, we are simply desperate."

"We cannot erase our doubts about his identity. After all, we still don't know who she is or where she came from..." Gorou sighed.

"Conducting an interrogation would be risky, not with thirty men staring at her looking for answers she may not have." Thomas finalized. Xiao sighed silently, turning his attention back to you. He watched for a long time as your face gradually regained its color. A small smile played on his lips, reassured to see you recovering.

Tighnari continued to monitor your condition, occasionally wiping your sweaty face while discussing the strange pills he had found in your bag with Baizhu and Dottore.

"It looks like medicine from his world to me. What can they be used for?" Tighnari looked around at the box before opening it to take out a white pill. Bringing it to his nostrils, he used his sense of smell to try to find the components used. His ears perked up as his nose wrinkled. Dottore snatched the box from his hands, lifting the object above his head with a chilling smile.

"How many more interesting things are you hiding from us, my pretty?" He said as he threw the box of medicine into Baizhu's hands and then grabbed the device he had found in your bag. "Interesting... the technology of his world seems much more developed than ours." Tapping the screen of your smartphone, he exclaimed loudly when he managed to turn on the screen, showing your wallpaper. "Gee, you'd think you'd see a picture, but in a device smaller than what we know.... Hm? A photo with a man? Tsk! How can we remove that?" Said he, turning the device in all directions. There were buttons here and there, but it seemed that the device reacted tactilely to his fingers, which annoyed Dottore. Diluc finally snatched the device from his hands in anger.

"So stop sticking your nose in his business. Your unhealthy curiosity has no business here." Dottore chuckled softly, raising his hands in surrender. Diluc sighed, then deposited the device in your bag before fetching the rest of your belongings, snatching the books that belonged to you from Alhaitham and Childe's hands before finishing with the pills that Baizhu cordially handed him. He noticed that Albedo had already put away the notebook he had borrowed from your bag.

Xiao sighed as he watched the scene. Part of him understood his companions' curiosity, how little you had on you was a mystery to them. In fact, even your clothes looked different from theirs. He wanted to know more about you, your life, where you came from... Xiao let out a deep sigh again, making Zhongli who was still standing beside him laugh.

"Don't worry Xiao, she will eventually wake up." Xiao sharply turned his head away from Zhongli, his ears tingeing red.

"I don't care when she wakes up!" A comforting hand rested on the top of his head.

"Well, I, for one, can't hide from you that I'm really looking forward to finally having a conversation with her... Without making her recoil in fear." Xiao gave him a concerned look, admiring the lonely face of the Geo archon. He could sometimes show such sad and lonely expressions...

"Eh? Dottore, I think your IV is no longer working." Alarmed Tighnari as she saw you moaning in your sleep, tears streaming down your cheeks. Xiao moved away from the wall he was leaning against to walk towards you.

"Don't leave me alone..." You whispered in your sleep. Venti quickly rose from his seat, outpacing anyone who wanted to approach you by kneeling at your side. His hands took yours between his palms, trying to soothe your fears just a little.

"Strange, he should be strong enough to keep him from dreaming." Dottore looked at you curiously, a barely subtle hint of concern on his features, he leaned over you to better analyze you. As for Tighnari, his hand rested on your forehead, feeling your body tense up in your sleep.

"A nightmare?" Baizhu asked, also leaning over you. "Perhaps I should add some incense to soothe his senses? " Without waiting for Tighnari and Dottore's response, the long green-haired man left to get what he needed.

"Albedo, do you still have that potion you made for Klee? The one that suppressed his nightmares?" Albedo frowned, shaking his head. Tighnari stood up to join the alchemist who was waving to him.

"I'm afraid I don't have any on me... I... didn't have any... Unfortunately had no use for it until today." Albedo looked at you with a concerned expression.

"What do you need to make it?" Tighnari insisted.

"Product from Mondstadt and Fontaine, which you don't have in Sumeru."

"Tsk! Never mind both of you, the easiest thing would be to wake her up." Dottore cast a bored look at the two men.

"You have decidedly no tact my dear Dottore." Pantalone mocked his comrade with a smirk, causing him to growl as his ruby eyes fixed on him.

"You poor thing..." Pulcinella looked at you with protective eyes, concerned about the gasps you were making.

Everyone fell silent when a loud moan escaped from your mouth. You shook from head to toe, and before anyone could act, you sat up violently with a scream of terror...

From Chapter 2: In another world.

Cracks appeared everywhere you looked. Nahida turned to you, calling out your name before diving to face you, reaching out her hand to grab you.

"Wake up Eve!" She shouted as everything around you shattered like glass, letting the darkness rush in. Nahida was engulfed by a cloud of darkness, her last expression on her face begging you to wake up.

[crescentneko]

Honey 🍯 Astera/Mirage drabble Context: Alt mirage universe where some of my human ultrakill OCs exist along with canon characters. Basically this is a snippet of my oc Astera having some fun with Mirage.

Content: human/robot, s//mut, vanilla, cunnilingus

I'm shaking like a leaf posting this- But this has been sitting in my drabble folder for like over a year with some others so u hm //yeets into the void I'll probaby post details about 'tera eventually when I'm less anxious (same with Kit, Del and others-) Enjoy some enby/robot smut??? [Minors DNI | 18+ only, ya know the drill] Oh, also hella inspired by the song Honey by Halsey-

Honey.

That's the only word that came to mind as they drunk down the sweetness pouring out of her.

The tip of their tongue attentively laps at her silicone folds and clit, while hands gripped tightly at the metalic thighs that enclosed their head snugly against her.

There's no better place Astera would rather be.

Mirage's synthetic-laced mewls and whimpers were intoxicating, and they were hellbent on making her as loud as possible for them.

Metal fingers tangled themselves into their silver-white hair and lightly tugged them impossibly closer to her. The reward feedback loop was lighting up her processor like the most amazing fireworks show and it was becoming nearly overwhelming.

Like hell she'd tell them to stop though.

Astera's mouth ran over each lip with precision; delving their tongue inside while enjoying the taste on their tongue. Slick ran down their chin as their eyes flitted up to meet their partner's partially shut optic.

"F-Fuck, keep going… J-Just like that." She murmured; one of her blue-plated hands tugged on their hair again, trying to grind against thier face and that wonderful tongue inside her. Mirage's head tilted back as she lost herself in the pleasure.

Who were they to deny her?

They doubled their efforts and let one of their hands slip from her thigh to her cunt. Astera licked up her slick as two fingers slipped in surprisingly easily; tongue now focusing on her clit with short and quick flicks.

A static-laced cry came out of her voice box as her hips trembled; fans kicking on full blast now.

They grinned against her and pumped their fingers at a steady pace. They ate her out like they've been starved for years–denied the very essence Astera needed to survive on. Their tongue swirled around the silicone nub before sucking gingerly on it, desperate to hear more pleasured sounds from her.

She keened, trying very, very hard not to crush her poor partner's head between her thighs.

Mirage was glad they took of their glasses for this.

"C-Close-" She managed to say as static seeped into her voice, making her near incoherent to hear. Her hips now unable to keep from ginding frantically against that wonderful mouth and knucles-deep fingers within her.

They suppose they could be nice to her, this time.

Astera sped up their rhythm, making sure to stoke their fingers against her soft upper walls, just where she loved it most.

Just a little more…

One more intense suck on her clit and she unraveled beautifully. A loud cry as she pushed down their head, body shuddering with each intense shock of her climax; optic flickering from the sheer intensity of it.

They made sure to keep moving their fingers and lick her clean as she rode out her orgasm; despite it being difficult to breathe this way.

Astera figured I'd be a good way to die if that were to happen.

Finally coming down, Mirage released them, her body now limp and trying to reroute her power sources to their usual processes.

"Holy shit… Y-You're much too good at that now…"

"I aim to please as you know." Astera sat up with a lick of their lips; smiling to her with amusement at how out of breath she sounded, despite not needing to breathe. "You're not too tired to keep going right?"

Mirage hummed before closing her optic as she laid back on the now messy bed.

"H-Hey…!" Astera got up and went to straddle her lap, their hands resting on her upper torso with a pout. "Seriously? you're gonna leave me here like thi–”

Their voice catches in their throat as Mirage's hands go to rest on their hips. She gently presses them down on her lap to grind against them, making them moan out. One of her hands then moved with practiced ease, working their way up their sleep tshirt from behind.

She peeks her optic open in a cheeky expression. "Kidding. It's only fair to return the favor, right...?"

[voidedhandshake]

Mobile Friendly Pinned Post

Hi it's Ghost back at it again, she/they, 30+, so tired and not SUPER tumblr active, much easier to do IC stuff on Discord for me.

It's Wick but Warframe now because I have been deep on that hyperfocus grind for long enough that the blog thoughts are here

This is a sideblog, my main is @spiiderwiick. I don't follow back everyone cause I already can't keep up with my dash but I do try to at least check my activity pages daily!

About:

Name: Wick

Pronouns: They/Them

Age: Adult

Faction: Tenno

Focus school: Zenurik

Fighting style:  Varies. Dante is more ranged + abilities. Yareli for a melee build.

Allies: Other tenno

Companions: Helminth charger that may or may not be an infested person, some kitties and dogs of various species.

Description:

Every Wick iteration has a little bit of dingus thembo energy. In this particular one, during the Void-Jump Accident, they were all too eager to shake this strange doppelganger's hand and enter a deal without much consideration of potential consequences long term. (They were also a kid, can you blame them?)

Now, years later, they're prone to going with the flow and just vibing with whatever outside influence is around. Given the semi-sentient nature of Warframes, this usually means whatever Warframe they're using transferrence with tends to be calling the shots slightly more than they are. Sure, they're plenty aware of what they're doing, they just don't care one way or the other. It's fun, the Warframe seems to enjoy it, so what's the harm really?

Wick themself isn't particularly malicious, but they do lack the usual Wick-brand empathy. As with most tenno, their perspective on what's normal and considered acceptable tends to be a little bit warped by their experiences. They love their weird freak dog that is literally a mutated man, why do people keep judging them for keeping it around?

Their two main Warframes are Dante and Yareli, which thankfully means they're not quite as terrible and unhinged as they could be. 

Dante and his quest for knowledge do lead them into some perilous situations because they just have to follow their curiosity. This is the other Wick trademark tbh. Dante is at least a bit more level headed, even if the book whispers may be a bit much sometimes.

Yareli enables a bit more of that feral goblin energy, especially with her melee -focused build. Rip, tear, kill, bite. She isn't a malicious entity either, and thankfully is even less void-touched than Dante. All too happy to shred the enemy factions to ribbons between her aqua blades and steel blades, it's good enrichment for Wick. It's a net good overall, regardless of intent.

[princessaurorasdiary]

Diary 2/26: life update cause it's been 6 months at least

Hi 👋🏼, It's been a long time, about 6 months about. I'm 23 now

I have a lot of up and downs and haven't felt like writing, and my main creative outlet has been TikTok because to be honest, I feel less alone when I can see that people saw my video, and maybe ever gave it a like or comment

I guess I'll talk a bit about the last 6 months, I work at a craft store now, quit my old horrible job that mistreated me constantly, got COVID soon after quitting the old job, went and saw a medium sized artist I like in concert, second ever concert, her name is Tessa Violet, dragged my bff with me cause we planned it for her to come down and visit me during Spring Break.

I also confessed to my crush, they said they like me too and have just as long as I have but she thought me flirting was pitty compliments cause ADHD runs through both of us lol, it's been moving really slowly cause things keep happening to her, the universe is just slapping her weekly bro.

I don't hate my job at the craft store, but I miss doing a version of my chosen career as a baker/cake decorator, really wish that place wasn't so toxic and that I had a car already.

I'm still trying to get a car, it took me 3 months to get a new job after quitting my old one, the COVID thing was a month of that but also just this job market sucks, origami current job was seasonal, but I have really good numbers on the register and I'm good at the other parts like stalking and sorting and fixing things on the shelfs so I got kept on. I make sure not to give a ADHD 100% anymore, it killed me at my old job and whenever I only had a normal person's 100% they acted like I was failing when I was just doing a normal amount instead of a crazy amount, so I learned not to grind myself to the bone.

I can't remember if I've mentioned this, probably not tho, I go to a weekly crochet club for months now, it's all older ladies and me but it's better than nothing with how I don't really have friends other than my best friend. They care about me and I care about them and it's nice to talk to others once a week.

I kinda ran outta steam for finding friends the last 2 months, I was trying and trying and I'm just tired after months and months or trying 🤷

I think about making a post all the time, but also feel like I'm writing into the void, which has been terrifying me lately, the void that is, long story short, I was stressed AF and couldn't sleep for days the day before Halloween and tried to smoke to fall asleep, but before I'd just taken a hit or two of my brothers sleep type vape, but actually smoked it that night for the first time and instead tripped horribly and it's still affecting me mentally, the memory of the horror that was that night.

Editing a note: I was basically trying to test for a bit if a sleep strain of weed would help with my at the time rampid insomnia since sleep meds either don't work on me or give me bad side effects, but after that night I'm probably never touching it again so ✌🏼

I also am just not feeling great medically, I just got my broken tooth pulled through and did my wisdoms at the same time and already feel better even with the jaw pain, so hopefully some of the not feeling well was because of my teeth, I've been working on trying to finally fix my teeth as well and I think it might actually happen now

Anyways, it's after 3:20am so I'm gonna go lay down even if I don't sleep till 4 cause laying down is better than nothing

[mayceez]

Really long Vent post. Cuz I just gotta say something into the void.

I've had a really difficult time. It feels like I live one crisis to another sometime and now a new one.

I can't go into full detail as I don't have the energy but I lost my job and now effectively both me and Hazel are unemployed.

It all happened so fast. I was being praised for doing an amazing job. And suddenly everything changes. It's all so hard to process. I genuinely gave it my all and then some. Coming in early and skipping my lunches. Working at home off duty because I knew work would pile up and cause problems for everyone. And like a fool, I didn't collect over time cuz I didn't want to cause problems. I figured it was for my own piece of mind. I never realized till now how much of a workaholic I became. It was no wonder why I always had little energy and drive. (I withdrew and I was hardly around with any friends. I couldn't do it. Drawing and other hobbies just.. I couldn't do them anymore )

I wasn't in trouble because of that. I got in trouble because I stood up to director in another branch who became increasingly hostile in emails and harassing. Even came up to me in person to chew me out in front of me training someone. I couldn't take it anymore so I pulled my boss who got her boss (my agency director) and we had a sit down..and the director just had nothing but venom and disappointment to me.

I took it upon myself to learn extra things and the initiative to implement because I could do it faster than out sourcing. (running insurance verification, networking directly with other agencies, Office safety corrections like Fire safety ect) but according to the director, that was all "standard" in other agencies. Lest we forget I took these ELECTIVLY and unprompted. It wasn't in my job description or list of duties. But I being automatically compared to other agencies who supposedly do that by default. That..hardly seems fair.

I took a couple days off suddenly because I realized work stress was getting to me. My direct boss approved and agreed. Yet this director thought I was a liability. This director stated I wasn't a 'team player ' cuz I stood up for myself. But that's just causing trouble.

So I was given an ultimatum. Resign or be terminated. Either way, immediately. I was pressured to resign under the guise ' It'll be better for your resume' . Now I'm finding out Unemployment financial assistance is hard to get If you willingly leave. Willingly resign. I got played out and left hang to dry. I'm still going to push for it and gods be granting I'll be accepted. I hope.

But that's termination of health benefits and insurance. I'm trying to push COBRA and I hope that works out too.. but either way, my Gender surgeries have AGAIN grinded to a halt.

Time after time, I get close to bottom surgery. Top surgery. So close to having my own damn boobs. Getting rid of what's between my legs. But again SOMETHING happens. That's 3 times now? I can't keep doing this. I'm 34 now and I still can't catch a break. I still can't get my body corrected one way or another.

So I'm fighting a really bad spiral. My dysphoria is an all time sky rocket high alongside my dysmorphia. I'm trying to figure finances with Hazel and work out a plan. I need COBRA to go through because I don't want a lapse in my HRT..the list just goes on.

I'm tired and exhausted and I had to scream into the void . I guess I feel a bit better after writing it out. I just really need peace of mind and my body not to be this ugly wrong filth. I don't even got fur or cute paws, at least make my physical 'gender' the right thing Universe. I hate living like this. I can't stand it anymore.

At least I have some tournament winnings. I can keep going for awhile for fun.

[svtskneecaps]

i have stumbled upon a realization that is both terrifying and wonderful, and that is, that people actually like the writing i post on tumblr dot com.

and that is in equal measures terrifying and gratifying because on the one hand, i posted my shit for people to like my shit. that's it. i said, "here is this thing that i wrote to help me, perhaps it will help you, too"

but the other thing is, considering i've been posting writing semi-consistently online for the past 10 years of my life (god, ten!!), i eventually landed on the guilt-ridden decision that, due to my inconsistency and flights of passion, i CANNOT post a fic that i haven't finished. and this resolve has been somewhat strengthened by my discoveries in the process of writing one of my current (non-kpop) wips, since that one has taken a strategy of "write the bones, fill in the tissue" that usually leads to me rewriting the bones once the tissue fills in. the story is strengthened and i am so happy with the product i'm fleshing out, but it also means i can't post it serially until full completion, because i am SO TIRED of putting "discontinued" or "rewriting" on a published work. it makes me feel bad, like the rewritten plotlines are now forever muddled in a readers' mind, and they'll never be able to distinguish what happened in the less-good first version and the slightly-better second (or third, or fourth, or), or that i am discontinuing on some dissatisfying in-gratifying cliffhanger, because the lake in my mind is a grimy, half-formed sidewalk puddle online.

but i have not been able to finish a piece of writing for this blog. in a very long time. which is not to say i haven't been TRYING, just that. i rarely have an idea that just screams to be for seventeen, and when i do, it never makes it to full completion. in fact off the top of my head i can remember a pretty good (to me) introduction to a DK oneshot along the size and tonal lines of "you mean the world to me", along with about nine parts of the magical retrograde amnesia jeonghan sm au i pitched LONG ago, just after the final part of "i just see you" was uploaded, not to mention a full paragraph-style "home;run" inspired road trip au (no reader insert) that i've shared with some friends who ALSO thought it was a good idea, if i could just WRITE THE DAMN THING outside of the first two thrice damned sequences (i have THE ENTIRE PLOT fleshed out to the first of two potential climaxes, and yet no words have come)

SO I WANT TO ASK YOU, so i want to SCREAM INTO THE VOID, because there is a terrifying unquantifiable number of eyes in the followers tab of this blog and though i don't know how many of those accounts are still viable and how many are empty graves, i will yell these words into the dark and pray for an answer,

SHOULD I POST THESE DRAFTS, EVEN THOUGH THEY MAY NEVER BE FINISHED?

this blog has been dead for so long, too long, filled with personal posts and birds and bullshit, and maybe, perhaps, there is a chance that ANYONE showing renewed interest in my shit could finally fucking put the grind into my gears. because friends, it is entirely conceited perhaps to say that the semi-steady drizzle of likes drenching my notifications has turned numbing, that the last REAL COMMENT on any fic of mine came twenty one days ago and that the void feels endless, that despite the number of eyes in the shadows of this void, it feels empty, but unfortunately for us i am awake to the empty, because suddenly i was reminded that, for some fucking reason, people have enjoyed my shit. and i have been so terrified of giving something incomplete or imperfect that i have been giving nothing at all.

so i ask you, my loves, the mouthless eyes who wander here, SHOULD I POST MY DRAFTS, FOR YOU, WITH THE UNDERSTANDING I MAY NEVER FINISH THEM? and understand, friends, that this offer is for you as much as for me. because i miss validation and i crave it near constantly but i have taken my enjoyment from these works. they have lived in my drafts for years and could gather dust there longer, but IF YOU WANT TO SEE THEM, IF YOU SWEAR TO ALERT ME TO THIS INCOMPREHENSIBLE FACT THAT THERE ARE PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO ENJOY MY BULLSHIT, i could format and post what little shit i've got.

who knows. a single comment convinced me to finish walls could talk back in 2019. maybe lightning will strike twice.

as a bonus for reading this beast of a post, here is a screenshot of the aforementioned "retrograde amnesia curse" jeonghan fic, which i also sent to a few friends.

thank you for reading. and also, thank you for tolerating me, inconsistent though i may be. it's really hard for me to quantify who's here and what they're thinking, which is terrifying in and of itself, but every time the curtain pulls back it seems to be a pleasant surprise from the other side (i mean, who knew there were people who purposefully read through a tag created specifically so those posts did not have to be read?)

technically speaking, there's no milestone fast approaching (i give it another year, at the pace we're walking). just, it was sort of shown to me tonight that there are people out there who, when asked, would list one of my works close to their top ten, off the top of their head. and that is crazy and humbling and gratifying and terrifying all at the same time.

[dekalko-mania]

Why does Birch Tree draw and describe his 20 yo Danny as if he were already on the brink of maturity ?

Like his 25 yo Danny sketches make him look like he's got accelerated aging, 12 houses under his belt, and a penchant for Facebook mom or fitness "on the grind" posts

Sir Birdman, I don't where you've been but 20 year olds definitely do not know wtf they're doing. He describes older Danny as if he's already got his shit together, and is this absolutely perfect ghost fighter just because he's in his 20's

Literally who put it into older creator's minds that "coming of age" experiences stop once you hit your 20s? So many 20 yos are literally just trying to find themselves and getting by. My younger sister went on campus with me and literally asked "why does everyone look tired and done?" Cause they are bro, everyone's stuck in limbo between their teen years and adult ones. People are trying to figure out what they want to do for the rest of their lives.

What I'm getting at is, the og 14 yo Danny was made pretty relatable to kids his age when the show came out, all things considered. He dealt with bullies, plummeting grades, having crushes, etc.

20 yo Danny should be the same. He should still be relatable, even if he is a super-powered half ghost. He shouldn't look and act like he's got his shit together because that's just not realistic to most people his age

Heck give me college Danny or something. How does he deal with fighting ghosts on top of not flunking his classes, switching majors, not getting enough sleep, being head of astronomy club, having a part time job, figuring out wtf he wants to do, etc. Does he want to fight ghosts the rest of his life? Will he find an alternative means of dealing with them more diplomatically? Is he okay with dropping all dreams of becoming an astronaut to continue being Phantom? Is dropping it going to leave an unfulfilled void in him for the rest of his life or is he going to come to accept it?

And what about his parents? No matter what happy ending he's trying to paint, you don't just drop 20+ years of prejudice just like that. Is there still some animosity between them and Danny over the topic of ghosts? Are they learning and adapting? Will they just go along with what he says or will they want to force Danny to fit into the ghost fighting mold they've always lumped their children into now that they know he's actually very capable?

What about Sam and Tucker? Birch makes it seem like it'd be so easy and expected of them to always be on Team Phantom. Didn't they have other dreams or aspirations too? What are they giving up to continue fighting ghosts?

Tucker has been shown before to feel insecure because he's always treated as the sidekick. How have these feelings developed? Have they addressed it among friends? He has to figure himself out too. And Sam-she's an activist at heart. Is she going to give up on that to be part of Team Phantom 24/7? Is she going to try juggling both? Are her overbearing parents REALLY okay with her pursuing this path? When they see she's continuing even as an adult, will they begin to financially manipulate her as many rich parents do, or will they let her go her own way?

How has growing older caused the trio to react? Are they splitting apart since each have aspirations that don't exactly coincide? Are they trying to make it work? At what point did they realize that hunting ghosts at 14 is not the same as doing it when they become adults? And at what point did they also realize that taking on this battle so young has made their path to growing up so profoundly different from the rest of their peers? And what about Jazz wanting to be a psychiatrist? Will she continue that path or meld it with ghost hunting? She mentioned in Reality Trip that she feels overshadowed by her parents obsession with ghosts. Do their parents now pay more attention to Danny (even if it's not in a positive way) than her and make her feel more isolated in her own family?

All these things are extremely important. They STILL have to be finding themselves and dealing with shit in their 20s. Danny will most definitely 100% not be the perfect superhero stereotype just because he's a bit older. And while we're on the topic, Birch has a habit of making every other character's lives revolve completely on Danny. Yes he's the protagonist, but that's just not realistic either. They're their own characters so please take the time to flesh them out well and not just assign them a role and say "so this is Danny's sidekick."

I'm saying all this as someone in their early 20s who's tired at how the media portrays us lmao. Social media as well sometimes portrays 20s as already having to have accomplished something huge. And if you haven't, you're falling behind or you're a loser. As if we don't have enough pressure on us already.

Also whoever told these writers 20s are mature briefcase users is the biggest liar on the planet. Literally my 3rd year of college half the fucking campus gathered around a fountain waving their phones around because rumor spread that a rare Pokémon was there. Shenanigans never stop bruh

If the show idea were ever to be picked up, they gotta add these things to 20s DP characterization or its just not realistic. Js.

Anyway, rant over lmao

[whatifxwereyou]

Lightning Part 21: Limbo

Fandom: Mortal Kombat 2021

Pairing: Kung Lao x Reader

Summary: Kung Lao, Liu Kang, and Chen deal with the void of you being gone.

A/N: Back in action friends. Very excited to get back into it. I know where this is going, sorta, so it should be easier to write chapters. Hoping to post some new stuff soon too. Hope everyone is doing well!

Start From the Beginning << Previous Chapter Next Chapter >> Chapter Index

“And now we wait.”

Raiden had said that a week ago after leaving Y/N’s room. Kung Lao had repeated it in times of stress and now, as he walked back to your room, as he had done every night since then, he thought it again but this time with disdain.

And now he waited.

Waiting.

He was tired of waiting. He’d been waiting for you practically his whole life.

And in your room was Chen.

He’d made a point to learn her name after realizing just how close she’d grown to you. They exchanged a nod and he sat fidgeting at the desk. Avoiding his eyes, Chen stood, took her medical bag, and then made toward the door.

“How’s my sleeping beauty?” Kung Lao cracked jokes at every opportunity. It helped offset his nerves and kept the thought of you never waking up at bay. What if you never woke up? He shook it off.

“Hmm?” Chen hadn’t heard him. She looked exhausted, more so than usual. Most of the monks from the infirmary looked tired when talking to him but this was different.

“How’s Y/N doing?” The rhythmic tapping of his foot was grinding on her nerves so he stopped himself.

“Oh… uh… she’s alive.” Chen looked down at her notes. Really? She had to look at her notes for that? And people wondered why he didn’t trust the infirmary.

“That isn’t hopeful.”

“You ask me every damn day, Kung Lao. I don’t know what you expect me to say. She’s the same as yesterday. And the day before. Fever. Low blood pressure. Unconscious. Her nerves respond but that’s about it. She’s alive.” Chen’s responses were short. He waved her off with a sigh. Let her go. He didn’t need that on top of everything else. Chen didn’t leave. “I’m sorry.” Her shoulders slumped.

“Don’t mention it.”

“You’ve been nice to me. I didn’t mean to be short with you. It’s difficult to come here every day and hope for change and find nothing.”

“Yeah, it is.” Kung Lao felt the same way. He kept hoping to find you awake and waiting for him. Instead you just laid there while life went on around you like all that time together meant nothing. How was he supposed to go back to living the way he had before he’d found your shop on fire that night?

“H-how are you doing?”

“You don’t have to do that, Chen.”

“She’d want you to be okay.” Chen avoided his eyes. Lao sighed. He was barely willing to talk to you about personal stuff like this. He definitely didn’t plan on talking to Chen about it.

“I’m okay.” He should have asked how she was holding up but he didn’t.

“I’ll be back tomorrow.”

“See you then.”

Chen left without another word. The new normal. This was it. He hated it. In a few hours, Liu Kang would join him. They’d sit in awkward silence for much of the night. Then Liu would make sure he was okay, that he ate, say goodnight to him and Y/N and leave.

After that Kung Lao would crawl into bed and sleep next to you in hopes that you would wake up in his arms. He didn’t want you to be alone when you did wake up. He had to believe that you would.

Like clockwork there was Liu Kang. But today he brought food with him. He sat on the floor by the bed and ate silently. Kung Lao sat next to him and took the extra plate.

“Any changes?” He asked. It was the same question everyday instead of a greeting. You’d left a void in their lives. It weighed on them. That and the things they didn’t talk about. But Kung Lao didn’t want to talk about that either. Neither did Liu Kang.

“Nothing. Chen said she was exactly the same.”

“She annoyed with you yet?”

“Oh, yeah.” Kung Lao laughed and then leaned his head back against the bed with a sigh. “How are you doing?”

“You don’t have to ask that.”

“You ask me every day.”

“That’s different.”

“Is it though?”

“It is.” Liu set his plate aside, chopsticks neatly on top of it. “You still doing okay?”

“Making jokes to get through. You know me. You’re avoiding answering me though.”

“Seems irrelevant.”

“So, instead of lying you’re just going to ignore the question, yeah?”

“Well, if I lie then you’re going to tell me what a terrible liar I am, which we both know already. If I answer then I have to be honest and I don’t have the energy to be honest. I want her to be okay. I want you to be okay.”

“And what about you?”

“That’s irrelevant.” Liu smiled but his eyes betrayed him, distant and dark.

“Yeah.” That was Liu Kang. Kung Lao could change him just about as much as he could stop being sarcastic about everything. “She’ll wake up soon. Don’t worry so much.”

“You say that every day. Do you really believe it?”

“Do you not believe it?”

“I honestly don’t know. I don’t know what I believe. I know what I want to happen. I know what I pray for. What I meditate on. What I want to know is what you really believe.”

“I have to believe that this wasn’t meaningless. That our time together was important. That it wasn’t just fate being cruel. So yes, I believe she’ll wake up. Any day now.”

Liu Kang nodded and leaned his head back like Kung Lao had. “Any ideas on how we can fix this?”

“Oh?” Kung Lao had thought they’d never talk about the personal crap that had happened. The awkwardness of one of their hearts being crushed. “That’s more complicated.” He was no good at fixing personal stuff. Even when he’d fought with you right before this. All he’d known how to do was say he was sorry. That had been enough to work, thankfully. But to fix what had happened between the three of you? He had no idea where to begin. If you never woke out, you’d never find resolution either.

“It is complex.”

“I guess we could sit down and just hash it out after she’s awake.”

“Not sure that’ll help.”

“Wait, what are you talking about?”

“The curse?” Liu Kang seemed amused. “What are you talking about?”

“Oh, uh… nothing. The curse. Yeah.”

“It’ll be okay, Lao. One way or another.” Liu Kang patted his arm with a thud. “I’ve been continuing to look into it. We’ll find something eventually.”

“Of course, you’re still nose deep in books.”

“That’s how I deal with things.” Liu sighed as if this were obvious. “You make awful jokes. I throw myself into work.”

“That’s fair.” Kung Lao was glad that they were at least talking a little more. Things were still weird. He felt guilty. Like he’d robbed Liu Kang of happiness. But Liu refused to acknowledge that anything had been stolen from him. They’d briefly fought about it in the hall that fateful day but that had been the end of it. Sometimes Liu was worse than he was about that kind of stuff. Lao at least lashed out. Liu completely shut down.

They made polite conversation before Liu Kang cleaned up their plates and said goodnight.

Kung Lao turned and folded his arms on the bed and watched you breathing. Just like he had when you were kids. He’d never told you just how big a crush he’d had on you all those years ago. Instead, he’d teased you about having a crush on him. He wasn’t sure he’d ever tell you the truth. It just wasn’t like him.

Even before you’d gotten sick and he’d visited you at your grandmother’s, he’d catch sight of you in the halls of the school and trip over himself. You’d shone. Like a beacon.

That first day he’d visited you he’d gone home and told his mother that he was going to marry Y/N. He hadn’t understood the implications of that back then but he had meant it with his whole tiny heart. His mother had told him he was being stupid, of course. He’d never had a particularly strong bond with his parents. They’d dedicated their lives to preparing him to uphold the legacy of his birthname. That was about it.

That summer had been one of the only where he’d felt like a normal kid.

Lifting the blankets, he climbed into bed next to you and wrapped his arms around you the same way he had every night that week. You were breathing and sometimes he swore you leaned into his arms. It was probably just wishful thinking but it comforted him nonetheless.

Even now you still shone.

Even unconscious.

He loved you. He’d known that though. For a long time.

This wasn’t a surprise.

When you woke he would be there. You would have your time together. And just like he’d said all those years ago, someday, he would marry you.

Next Chapter >>

[onyourzeus]

12:15 am | kyh

ykcyj ➝ arskyh

title: 12:15am pairing: kang younghyun (youngk of day6) & you genre: fluff, small caps words: 2.4k

author’s note: extra fic for tonight, just all around fluffy bf!yonk getting a call from his drunk s/o in the middle of the night. do enjoy.

any requests? check my pinned post if i’m accepting any at the moment, thanks!

younghyun loves the grind. but if there’s anything else that he looks forward to during a hard and long day of working, it’s the feeling of coming home once he’s done. he makes sure to take off his shoes with as less noise as possible, knowing the fact that his roommates slash bandmates are enjoying their sleeping hours of peace and solitude. 

with just a loose shirt and boxers on, he finally feels less restricted and more comfortable in his own skin. the urge to clean himself of sweat, and polluted air that had clung on him with a nice, hot shower is tempting— but the exhaustion in his heavy shoulders and drooping eyelids convince him otherwise. 

he’ll hate himself for dirtying his sheets, but tomorrow is sunday which means it’s time to do his laundry, anyway. 

tossing his used clothes in the hamper, he prepares his body to get swallowed by the softness of his comforter, and the warm void of his thick blankets. of course, before he passes out entirely tonight, he doesn’t forget to send you a text. the one important thing he shouldn’t miss out on. 

really tired. gonna crash in 2 seconds. text you tmr, love you

usually, younghyun would wait until you respond because the many heart emojis that come his way act as his goodnight kiss while the two of you are apart. besides, you normally reply in an instant which is a habit he’s worried about, really, since you need some rest too. 

he tries to fight the sleepiness away from his senses, but the more he sits on his bed, back hunched and ready to collapse, the less energy he has left to wait for your message. he frowns, suddenly wondering about your whereabouts. you always tell him first hand if you’re too busy to check your phone throughout the day, and younghyun appreciates the thoughtfulness. even if he couldn’t reply “okay” right away, the two of you have a shared sense of understanding as to how your kind of long distance relationship works by now. 

sighing, he eventually puts his phone on the bedside table and plops himself in the covers. it feels really, really good to be in his own personal space now, and younghyun thinks he deserves to rest longer than normal tonight; it was a pretty productive day in the studio. he finished another collab with an artist he’s been meaning to contact for months, and he was glad it came to fruition with great success. he also managed to write a few arrangements for the band’s upcoming album, even if the group decided it was too early to work on it yet. 

younghyun believes it’s never too early as long as inspiration is present. if he didn’t so much as write down possible lyrics or harmonies on a piece of paper every day, he’d slowly feel his motivation being sucked out of him. if he was being honest, that was one of his worst fears as an artist, so every day is work for him, it just depends on how much he wants to get done in a day. 

as his thoughts fizzle out in his mind, his consciousness brings him to dreamland until a constant vibrating noise disrupts him from his end table. younghyun is about to pull the sheets over his head, thinking nothing of the sound but an annoying notification from something unimportant— but then he remembers you. 

with his second guess being right, younghyun has a twinge of guilt in his throat for believing you were not worth it to get up from the coziness of his bed. rubbing his eyes to seem more awake, he picks up the call and greet you in a whisper. 

“hi, baby, what’s up?” younghyun says, voice low and hoarse from multiple recordings in the studio. 

“cheese,” you mumble on the other end, voice rather solid and awake which causes younghyun to perk up a bit. 

“what was that?” 

“cheeeeese, brian,” you slur, elongating the repeated word as well as saying it in a higher pitch. immediately, younghyun senses the somewhat incoherent mumble in your nevertheless pretty voice, and judging from the fact you unironically called him by his english name, there was only one explanation: you’re drunk. 

he finds himself smiling as he answers, “are you home, babe?” he wasn’t angry about you drinking, he does remember you telling him a few days ago that you might go out with friends but you weren’t sure when. maybe tonight was the night and you just forgot to remind him; no big deal. 

“i think so?” you hiccup, followed by a soft chuckle. younghyun’s heart soars at the sound, and it pains him at the same time that he couldn’t be there to hold and take care of you. he leans against the headboard, making himself more comfortable as he listens to you ramble on. 

“all i know is that— burp— it was wendy’s birthday… or was it her cousin? cause she was there too, and i never met her before and— oh my god, i don’t even remember her name i’m such a bad new friend— whatever, anyway, it was someone’s celebration and we bar hopped to a lot of places and it became really sweaty and loud and at one point i had a flamingo shot in my hand and and—”

“hold up, flamingo? you mean flaming?” younghyun interjects, chuckling at your jumbled up story. he imagines you shaking your head as you whine at him for interrupting you. “no, nooooo. it was red and fiery and there was a lot of smoke and i’m sure it represented the beautiful, long-legged bird called flemings.”

this time, younghyun couldn’t stop himself from choking out a laugh, and in turn you huff from the other end, and refuse to continue further. 

“i’m sorry, go on. please, i’m interested with what happened after you took this mysterious shot that starts with an f.”

“are you sure you won’t laugh?” he hears you quip in a tiny, slurring voice, and it his chest tightens at the thought of making you go through this drunken state alone. younghyun cards through his hair in frustration towards himself, realizing how much he misses you in the moment. he doesn’t want you to stop talking, god if he can only see your lips move in person—

“i promise, babe. so, what happened next?”

“if you say so,” you mutter indignantly, but proceed with the story even though you’re unsure of where it’s going. “um, actually. that was it. i think i took everyone’s flamingo shots in their hands and next thing i remember, wendy or her cousin or whoever it was tucked me in bed and now i’m in the kitchen eating cheese.” 

the string of words you had uttered made younghyun feel three emotions in succession: one, impressed that you were able to down more than one shot while he’s not there to monitor you; two, relieved that you confirmed your safety inside your apartment; and three, plain confusion as to why you didn’t stay in bed and instead, eating what you say is cheese while on the call with him. 

“can we turn on the videocall?” he asks gently, and you hesitate.

“i don’t look cute right now…”

“you’re always cute. please?” he tries to sound convincing, knowing that you do get insecure when your face is flushed red from the alcohol. even still, he doesn’t tire from complimenting you otherwise. 

“okay,” you relent, and younghyun’s heart skips a beat anticipating the sight of you on his phone. he turns on his camera, and he’s appalled at what he sees: daar under eyes, no make up on, and a face that describes weariness to a T. in this case, it should be him who feels insecure looking the way he is, but he’d take the risk if it meant seeing your face. 

“hello? is this thing on??” after a few seconds of lag, your screen cleared up and younghyun watches you poke the camera repeatedly. “bri, it’s so dark in here am i even alive right now?”

you never fail to lift his mood up during an exhausting day of activities— as your schedules collide against each other, and there would be less time for moments like right now, younghyun only asks for a few texts sent his way as reassurance that you’re still with him. you always comply, and sometimes younghyun doesn’t get to uphold his side of the commitment during the rare days that he just want to shut off the world.

still, he’ll wake up from a text with your name on it, and the hearts he missed the night before. and he feels whole, and ready to take on the world again.

so this time, younghyun wants to make you feel heard— and seen, as these days work seems to occupy more of his time and burden him with the pressure of exceeding his own expectations. you don’t like seeing him worry about how he’s doing in the industry, so younghyun does his best to appear cheerful and curious in front of you— or his phone, at least.

“yes, you’re very much alive right now, babe. are you really eating cheese at this hour?” he shouldn’t have asked. it was obvious the thing in your hand was, in fact, string cheese being eaten in the most ungodly fashion, but it’s you— and younghyun would rather watch you bite into it, cringing inwardly, instead of passing out with another day longing for your presence. 

“let’s eat cheese together,” you suggest, shoving the half-bitten string cheese into the center of the camera as if it was a mic being handed over to younghyun. “do you want to eat cheese with me, bri?” you ask again, tone small but hopeful. you put your hand down, and younghyun finally has a full view of your face. 

you had taken your makeup off, judging from the bare skin and slightly smeared lipstick on the side of your lips. your hair was splayed out down your shoulders, a combination of curly and straight strands framing your beautiful face. he surmises you used a curling iron this morning, imagining the frustration on your facial features as you try to make it work. 

“briannnn, cheese?” 

younghyun focuses on the present, and he notices the glimmer in your eyes amidst the only light coming on your end was his screen’s brightness. he shakes his head slowly which causes you to pout. 

“no thank you, baby, you can have it all.” 

“but i saved some for you, right here. you get the other half. just like you’re my other half. hehe, get it?” 

“yes, baby, that’s very sweet and clever of you.”

“you should hire me as your lyrics… manager. maker? lyrics person? lyricist!” you grin widely after figuring out the right term, and take another bite off the string cheese. 

“i think you’re doing a great job at being my girlfriend, though,” younghyun tells you, and it takes a few seconds for those words to process until he hears the eventual whine, and covering of your face with your free hand. 

“babe.” no response.

“baaabe.” you mumble something he couldn’t hear. younghyun takes in how adorable you are, and doesn’t pester you for a minute. this bothers you, apparently, as you peek through your fingers and catch him doing one of his silly faces that corners you to laugh abruptly. 

“not fair!! you know that works every time,” you whine in defeat, and younghyun can only smile proudly in response. 

“you know,” you start off, and younghyun prepares himself for another stream of consciousness on your end before you continue, “even if we’re far away from each other, and that we can’t eat cheese together, you’re still the best boyfriend in the entire galaxy.” 

if there’s anything else that younghyun loves apart from the feeling of coming home after work, it’s the feeling of being loved by you. 

he waits for you to finish your string cheese, and you argue that you’d like to eat another one. but it was getting late, and younghyun didn’t want to look even more tired on call, so he urges that you two fall asleep while the call goes on. 

as he wiggles back inside the covers, he watches you struggle to get your whole body in the comfort of your blanket. his hand holds on the phone as he readies himself to sleep sideways. 

“stupid blanket,” you mutter in annoyance, deciding to take one leg out of the warm sheets and at last, feel content on your bed.”that’s better,” you sigh, eyes falling asleep before younghyun. 

“comfortable?”

“not really.”

“oh, why not?” younghyun asks. 

“you’re not here beside me.” and your answer breaks his heart. 

younghyun is pretty good at consoling you with his words at times when you need it, but you beat him to it this time. 

“it’s okay though, younghyun, i can get by like this for now. i know—” you yawn in between, “you’re working super hard for the next comeback— actually, you work no matter what project you’re doing, babe. you’re insane, i hope you know that.”

it was younghyun’s turn to blush, and hide his face in the pillow. the drowsiness is making him soft, and weak from denying the truth in your words. he can definitely agree with a lot of people in his life that he needs to take it slow some days. and when it comes from you, he then knows to take that advice seriously. 

“i do know that, baby.” 

“it’s not bad, though!!” you object, zooming in to your eyes as if to let him know you’re saying it as a good thing. younghyun chuckles again, lifting his face up so he can witness your goofy antics once more. 

“i think it’s… really badass. you go younghyun,” you yawn again, dropping the phone as sleep attempts to befall upon you. “sorry, my hand was getting numb.”

“that’s okay, go to sleep now.” 

“no, you.” 

“that’s literally what we’re trying to do, babe.” 

he hears you snicker, and with that he felt it was okay to lay his phone next to him, too. he probably wouldn’t see your face in the morning on the call anymore as his phone wasn’t fully charged at all. however, as he hears you quietly snoring on the other end gives him a sense of security, and the status of his dead phone battery doesn’t matter so much for now. 

“i love you,” he whispers into the night, eyes closing in, smile taking him to dreams where he can hold you tight.

“love you more, younghyun.”

[finn-ray-nal-beads]

Just a 1am thought for you. You sneak onto Captain Blowhole’s ship bc the dicks just that good. When he catches you, he has to punish you of course. And find a way for you to work off your room and board in the captain’s chambers.

BITCH HERE IS YOUR WORST/BEST NIGHTMARE COME TRUE. THIS IS FOR SURE GOING TO HAVE ANOTHER PART TO IT. I ACTUALLY AM TOTALLY INTO THIS SHIT NOW. IM A PART OF THE PROBLEM. 

@safarigirlsp LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO! 

The swells swarmed the Atlantic in a storm like no other. Forty feet or more surrounding both sides of the Jolly Roger, crewmen frantically battening down the hatches, while Captain Flip manned the wheel as it spun furiously in the mood of the thunder and lightning. 

“Hold the sheet!” his crewman barked at the others spinning the mainmast as not to have it be struck down by the bolts that Zeus had rained down on them. 

“Watch the starboard side!” another shouted into the void of sopping men, struggling to keep the course for their next destination. 

“Captain, we need to find a shoreline or…. We’ll never make it!” his trusty first mate, Ron screamed his direction as his bulging muscles turned the captain’s wheel to the direction he pleased. Noticing his hat had flown from the gusts of wind, Ron picked it up and handed it back to him once the course was turned back to his liking. 

“Prepare for the worst, mate,” Flip solemnly nodded out of breath from keeping the course. He knew it was nearly impossible that he and his crew would make it out of the cursed triangle alive. He swore to himself when setting sail not even days prior that nothing ill would befall them. Karma certainly had its way of biting him back just as bad, if not, worse. 

Ron nodded back to him, returning to his post to keep the ship on course for as long as the storm would let the loyal crew set sail. Flip gazed out at the catastrophe before him, nearly tearing up at the fact that he may never get what he was fighting so hard for. He watched in slow motion as his crew battled the unforgiving waves, crackling lightning illuminating their horrified faces, the thunder drowning out their screams for help. 

Just then, a humongous bolt cracked down from the heavens into the front of the sip, sending a voltage of electricity through the wood of the vessel, causing a complete catastrophe. Crewmen flew into the abyss, shards of wood lost at sea. The last memory Flip had was his listless body sinking into the oblivion.

__________

His hearing returning to the real world echoed a mysterious melodious tune. A humming both angelic and alien in nature, his eyes fluttered as he took in his surroundings. Running his hands through the warm sun-kissed sand, his naked back on the heavenly shores of paradise. 

Putting his hand up to block the sun, of course to no avail due to the looming figure blocking the light. Thinking the shadow was a figment of his imagination, he moved to rub his eyes, groaning and flexing his tired biceps in the process. 

“Fuck,” he grunted, feeling like he had been hit by the largest monsoon this side of the Seven Seas. 

“Where the fuck…” he stammered off taking in the environment around him, the crashing shores, the palm trees swaying in the breeze, the beating sunlight of late morning, and that figure becoming more clear in his line of sight. 

The flowing locks in the breeze, the sunkissed skin of a goddess, the perfect form laying against the coarse sand, surrounded by sounds of seagulls and crashing swells. He blinked a few times to take in the fact that you were perched in the spot he’d seen previous, and sat forward, his muscles bulging, slightly burned himself from laying passed out in the morning light. 

“Hh-hello?” he questioned your direction, bringing his large hands around his thankfully clothed legs. You glanced over his direction, your naked form sprawled out facing away from him, only to show your globed asscheeks in the sunlight. Your alluring eyes batting those perfect lashes, your lip pursing into a gorgeous pout. 

“Well good morning to you there, sailor,” you sang his direction, rubbing your delicate hands over your side. 

“W-what happened to me? How in the fuck did I get here?” he suddenly and blatantly questioned you, still turned towards the ebbing waves of the Atlantic. 

You chuckled, playing with the shell you’d found while waiting for him to wake up, “Well, I saved you.” 

His eyes perked up at the out of this world comment you’d shrugged off, “Excuse me?” 

“You heard me, sailor,” you smiled over your shoulder, still rolling the shell in your hands, “I. Saved. Your. Ass.” 

Flip sat there completely dumbfounded. This gorgeous creature, dove into the abyss during a storm, of which he’d never seen previously, and rescued him from imminent death, dragged his burly over two hundred pound body, and brought him to an unknown shore, where you could have left him to rot in the sun and die. He wasn’t convinced given the fact that he hadn’t seen you on the seas the night before.

“No. No, you didn’t,” he shrugged and laughed as if he’d finally snapped. 

Taking his sarcasm as a complete insult to your kindness, you whipped your ethereal figure around, bearing your bouncing nude breasts and plump pussy to his eyes. 

“Yes. I. Did,” you asserted in the most melodic tone, floating towards his hulking body on the sand. “What?” you pouted, “Does my lil’ buccaneer not want to grasp the fact that lil’ ol’ me came from the depths across your lifeless frame, and scooped you out of near-death to save your worthless lil’ life?”

“Wait…” he stopped, standing to full attention, rippling pectorals, toned arm muscles, and a stern face staring into your soul, “you came… from the depths?” he cocked an eyebrow. 

You saddled towards his six-foot three-figure, no doubt him staring at your bare chest as you near him, and tilted his chin to your eye level, “Yes, sailor boy, I saved you. Do I need to spell it out any more than I already have?” boring your eyes into his, no doubt taking in the intense amber fired color they emitted as they scanned your every crevice. 

“N-no. No ma’am,” he gulped inward, simply agreeing under your entrancement.

“Thank you,” he whispered out, his trance only causing more tension between the both of you. 

“You’re welcome,” you murmured inching closer to his pink, full lips, taking in the rum-soaked breath he emitted. 

His eyes closed, and he moved in for the kill. Your lips suctioning onto each other, holding them there for fear of one rejecting the other. His calloused hands moving in synchrony against your warm body, feeling every single dimple, and curve you had. The left resting on one globe behind you, and the other snaking into your beach kissed locks, pulling ever so slightly. Your hands shot to his girthy chest, rubbing and caressing his peaked nipples beneath your dainty fingers. He gasped as you pinched the sensitive skin, pulling away looking half-lidded at your glorious features. 

“Who the hell are you?” he rubbed his thumb over your cheek, massaging the back of your head, causing your eyes to roll back into your head. Pulling yourself close against his swollen lips, you whispered on his breath, “Your dream come true.”

He smiled ever so slightly, letting out the smallest of chuckles, and shoved you back into his waiting lips, this time in a searing kiss that had his hands traveling down to lift you off the ground by your thighs. He shoved his tongue down your waiting throat, creating a symphony of moans and suction as he turned you around to lay your needy body on the sand. 

He loomed over you, pressing his very noticeable bulge against your pelvis. Grinding on you, eliciting more groans from his chest. He broke the kiss only to trace his wet lips along the outline of your neck, trailing to your budding breasts. He took one in his mouth, sucking ever so gently, and massaged the other with his mammoth hand. The sounds escaping you, only spurring his motions on even more so. He did the same with the other until you were writhing in pleasure and the buds turned to stiffened peaks. 

“God, sailor, I need you,” you pleaded, nearly out of breath, “Please.”

He looked up from the trail of his kisses on your stomach and settled his smiling face over your entrance. 

“Oh, now you wanna play nice with me? You haven’t even told me your name gorgeous,” he teased licking a stripe along your moist slit. 

“Uhhhh, fuck sailor, I could say the same to you,” you sang in euphoric pleasure. 

“Ladies first,” his hot breath sending vibrations along your clit. 

“Y/N,” you stammered unable to fully speak. 

He started to suck a welt on one of your thighs, and after breaking the suction looked up and moved his face to other, never breaking eye contact with your stare, “absolutely mesmerizing, Y/N,” bearing back down on the flesh, sucking for all it was worth. 

Just as he was satisfied with the bruising, he whispered back to you, “name’s Captain Flip Zimmerman,” and dove nose-first into your waiting hole, eliciting a scream from your lips. 

He traced circles around your pulsing vagina, humming at the thought of how turned on he was making you. His nose grazing your stiffening clit, every time his tongue entered your pussy. You twitched at every pulse his face was giving you. 

“Good, God Captain,” you cried out, “I-I’m gonna c-c-cum!” 

He moved his perfect lips to your aching bud, enveloped them in a French kiss, and sent you into the wildest orgasm you’d ever encountered. Crying his name out over and over again as he sucked relentlessly on your arousal. 

“There’s my pretty girl,” he cooed as you moaned in complete euphoria, “sing to me my sweet siren.” 

He slurped up your sweet release into his desperate mouth smiling in pleasure as his beard tickled your overstimulated pussy.  You came down from the high, as his face connected back to yours. Your hands brushing through his ebony locks, tasting your spend on his saliva. 

“Captain,” you gasped in between his kisses, “I need your cock.” 

He looked up with eyes black as his hair and began to pull his pantaloons down, releasing his Kraken of a cock to your hungry eyes. 

“You like what you see, siren?” he noticed your gaping mouth at his large member. 

“My God, sailor, your so fucking big,” pulling your hand over your precious lips, “do you think it will fit in my tight lil’ pussy?” 

“It will,” he moved to gather the wetness from his tip as well as the spend from your weeping entrance, and moved the mixture up and down his shaft. 

“You’re gonna take your Captain’s cock whether you like it or not,” he beamed back up at you, pushing his sword into your hole in a punishing motion. The stretch causing you to cry out over the crashing waves on the beach. He stilled, watching you writhe in pleasure and pain, drinking in your perfect little moans as best he could.

“Captain, please move, my pussy is so tight, I need you to stretch me out,” you begged, tears rolling down your face. 

“You’ll be patient and keep me warm, siren, I like watching you bend to my every will.” 

He stilled for a few moments, watching the tears roll, your lips gape open, and your sweet cunt flutter around his large dick. He could cum right there, he thought, watching the shadows dance on your pretty face. After a few moments of admiration, he pulled ever so slightly out and pushed back in.  

Setting a grueling pace, he emitted the deepest groan his chest could muster upon hearing the slapping of his balls on your ass, the squelch from your wet pussy taking every inch of him. He watched your face twist and turn as he pushed in and out, his pupils only dilating more as he took you in. 

“Siren, get on your hands and knees, face in the sand, ass up,” He pulled out, watching your tears fall at the loss of contact. You did as you were told, bearing your sand clad ass to his feining stare. He smacked it and a gust of sand fell to the earth, the roughness causing an instant handprint to show on your bare skin. 

“Motherfucker!” you steamed into the beach. 

“Watch your mouth, siren,” he smacked another hand on the other cheek, “no one like’s a dirty lil’ whore mouth.” 

He shoved his dick back into your gaping hole, setting an even faster pace than previously. The moans you both emitted spurring the release even sooner than you’d thought. His hands white-knuckled the sides of your hips, pushing your body impossibly closer. His balls slapping your skin, emitting howls as he plundered your special spot. 

“Fuck, Flip,” you groaned, “I-I can’t hold on much longer, I’m gonna cum again!”

“I’m. Almost. There. Gorgeous,” he punctuated on every thrust, bringing his hand to rub his thumb along your puckered asshole. Without warning, he punctured the perfect little hole, sending you into another earth-shattering orgasm. 

“Jesus. Fucking, Christ,” he screamed as you milked his cock of his sweet, succulent, spend, “Captain is blowing his whole load!” 

He stuffed you full of his cum, thrusting a few more times just to be sure it stayed up in your heat. Both breathless, he leaned over you, sweat dripping from his brow, hands gripping around your stomach. He pulled out, turning you over, admiring your utterly fucked face. 

“You alright, gorgeous?” he laughed towards you. 

“Y-yes, sailor,” you relented, “I’m more than just alright.” 

You pulled his face towards yours, tasting his salty sweat in his mustache. He grabbed both cheeks and shoved his tongue back down your throat, causing you to melt into his brawny body. 

He pulled away, “where did you actually come from?”

You smiled, looking away bashfully, “you really don’t understand do you,” pulling away and getting up from the spot you’d both wrecked each other in. You walked towards the waves, letting the cool water caress your feet the further you stepped in. 

“Where the fuck are you going?” he questioned almost alarmed. 

You looked back towards him, the smile eroding from your face, “home,” you said clear as day. 

And with that, a waterball formed around your goddesslike figure, consuming you in a snowglobe of sorts. A bright light emitted from your middle and expanded all the way around the cocoon. Your form changed from legs to a gorgeous aquamarine fin, your skin melding to the attachment, and the globe took you further out to the ocean. 

Flip stood there, dumbfounded again. He blinked a few more times, not even realizing what he had just seen. 

“Did I…” he told himself, “W-what the fuck.” 

He sat back down on the beach, contemplating what had just occurred, trying to justify the possibility that this was just his imagination. 

“I need a fucking drink,” he concluded. 

He scoured the island in search of more answers, only to come upon another impossible find. 

His ship. 

Parked on the beach, like it hadn’t been through any kind of storm in the slightest. 

He noticed his crew as well, packing goods away like he hadn’t witnessed them sinking to Davey Jones’ Locker the night before. He blinked several times, thinking it was all a mirage, or that he may have been drunk to no avail. 

Ron noticed his Captain gawking at the ship, and flagged him over, “Hey there Cap! Where ya been?” 

“I-uh,” he had no words for what had happened. 

“Hey Cap? Let’s get you back in the boat,” Ron pat his back, leading him to his quarters on the hull.  

After making sure Flip was okay to be left alone, he went back to his duties. 

The Captain sat at his wooden desk, feet perched on the top, his hands running through his mustache, trying to piece together what had just occurred. 

The storm, the destruction, you, his ship turning up unscathed. 

You. Holy shit. You. 

A fucking mermaid. You were a creature of the ocean, who had happened upon him during his hour of need, scooped him up and saved his entire livelihood in the process. You were enchanting. A literal siren song. He played through the moans you made, the sarcasm you shot at him, your whole aura was absolutely mesmerizing. He’d never encountered anything as perfect as you. 

He wanted to find you again. To feel your soft skin on his beard, look into those piercing eyes, and hear his name on your lips. He had to find you. If it meant he didn’t have any other purpose than that on the ocean. 

As he made his mind up, he took all the texts he had on your kind to study the lore, hoping to find the answer he so desperately needed. Upon hours and hours of inspection, he stopped at the Holy Grail. Picking up the map slowly, he chuckled like he’d lost his mind. 

The City of Atlantis. 

That had to be home. You had to be there. 

“Fuck,” he groaned out, now knowing what he had to do. 

He set the course, watching his crew scramble to get the ship headed the correct way, smelling the salted sea air on his nostrils. He tipped his buccaneer hat and looked into his spyglass. 

“Here we fuckin’ go boys,” he muttered, gritting his teeth, anxious to see you in the flesh again.

__________

CAPTAIN BLOWHOLE IS OUT TO FIND HIS LADY LOVE!

THANK YOU FOR YOUR THIRSTY ASKS PLZ SEND MORE I LOVE YOUR SICK MIND. 

🖤,

ray-nal-beads 

[centeris2]

Shillings and Halloween

(repost so it shows up in the tags) Thanks to Jade @pandoriasbox​ for documenting dailys in detail and helping with numbers, and thanks to Abbie Starwatcher for the Starstable Database.

Disclaimer: this is not about star coins or star coin only items like the horse, this is solely about shilling costs of event items available in the shop. When I say ‘event items’ I am referring to new items that can be purchased with shillings.

TL;DR - This year’s Halloween was great, but the shillings cost for the outfits was too much and should match up better to what can realistically be earned during an event’s duration.

So the Positive Things: Halloween was excellent this year, chef kisses all around. I would have liked a slightly higher spawn rate for the falling items and Galloper Thompson, but overall? The event was wonderful, I hope it comes back next year so I can see what I missed. I could have a whole post about the things I liked about it, but that’s not what this is.

And now to the title and point: The Shillings.

Events are designed to get people online every day. This is achieved by giving people attainable rewards to work for. You don’t have to spend hours grinding golden pumpkins and waiting for soul shard tornados; if you get on for a bit every day and do the 5 quick golden pumpkins and the soul shard races, you will be able to get the trade in items within the event time. But the new sets in the shop this Halloween were well outside the realm of “realistically attainable”. It was not possible to earn enough shillings by doing the event activities, races, chores, and dailys every day, something that takes 4 or more hours. Doing every daily for a week will net you 27,904 shillings, meaning you can earn 55,808 shillings during the two week event, but the items in the shop were 147,000 shillings. You need over 5 weeks of getting on for 3 - 5 hours every day to get enough shillings to buy the sets. If a game is going to add new event items for sale with the in-game currency, it needs to be something a player could feasibly get in that event time frame. That just makes sense to me, I don’t know how else to say that other than look at the numbers. If it takes you 5 and a half weeks of constant work to get the items in an event that only lasts two weeks then it should be changed. Here are a few options:

The event lasts longer (still expects a player to dedicate possibly hundreds of hours on an event for a month or more, not realistic, especially for kids in school and people with jobs)

Lower item prices

Release fewer items, limit it to only one set instead of two

Make shillings easier to reliably obtain (no chance or luck involved)

Make it easier to save up money so you can save up for events, most likely by removing or increasing the shilling cap. (Nothing killed me more than getting that “you’ve hit shilling limit!” and losing shillings to the void for no good reason, and planning out my dailys to make sure I hit the 10k cap exactly so I wouldn’t waste a single shilling trying to get those 10k items.)

I’m not saying I want it to be easy or asking for free stuff, I want it to be possible without driving yourself crazy. People will work for things unless it’s something practically impossible to earn, you just have to give them the opportunity.

[Main point over, beyond this is personal experience, numbers, and comparing to past events, so you can stop here if you don’t care about the details! I’ll be sending this to SSO, but if you agree or have your own thoughts, be sure to send them to SSO! The more feedback they get, the more likely they are to change things.]

I say “practically” because I actually did it. I sold saved up items (dig rewards, items from previous events, etc), woke up at 5:30am for the first champ and stayed online until the last champ at 11pm, and did everything I could to get shillings. If I hadn’t been as lucky in champs or with high score rewards I would not have been able to do it. You shouldn’t have to spend 10 - 18 hours a day for almost two weeks getting lucky in order to get enough in-game currency to buy the event items. What I did was an outlier and not something SSO should expect players to do. I spent easily over 150 hours in game over the span of two weeks, took part in over 120 champs, got lucky with 8 - 12 daily high scores a day, and was graced by the universe with some weekly high scores and a monthly high score. I am not a good example of what the average sso player is like.

Now for Numbers! Weekly shilling earnings from dailys = 27,904 (average 3,986 a day)

Halloween: 147,000 shillings total for the new sets 1 new clothing set = 44,000 shillings 1 new tack set without accessories = 26,000 shillings 1 new tack set with leg wraps and saddlebag = 29,500 1 full matching clothing and tack set = 73,500

Additional ways of earning (and ‘storing’) shillings: - Championships can earn you 0 to 8,500 shillings in a day (0 if you don’t enter or fail every champ you enter, 8,500 if you win first in all 17 champs and sell the ribbons). That’s 0 to 59,500 shillings a week. Not viable for busy servers or lower level players. - Daily high scores pay 100 shillings per race, weekly high scores 500, and monthly 1500. I’m not about to count how many high score races there are but it can make a lot. Not reliable for lower level players or busy servers. - Archaeology will get you shillings so long as you dig something, but that can be as little as 2 shillings (1 for the dig, 1 selling the item). In Epona you can find 4 gold digs a day. The trade in value has a huge range, between like 355 and 2,000 shillings. You can dig in Epona and Dino all day, but after the first or second pass the dig spawns drop in value and unless you are trying to get that last couple hundred shillings it probably won’t be worth your time (especially if you’ve already spent hours doing dailys). Not an option for people who haven’t finished archaeology (Epona is far superior to Dino), but very handy you have it.

How does Halloween compare to other events? Things have gradually been getting more expensive, but usually there is one set, or a month or more to get it (Winter Village), or it returns without new items (Cloud Kingdom. Came twice in two months as well). What makes this Halloween different is the sheer amount vs the time frame. For more math, the entire Caramel and Cream set, including the accessory leg wraps and saddle bags, is 91,777 shillings. It’s a lot, but you can make that much in a little over 3 weeks, well within the time frame of the event. Personally I think it should be a little lower, the saddle bag being 9,999 shillings seems like way too much for a statless item (and not even a new model).

For those curious - Star Coins The Halloween event had plenty of star coin only items that people could buy, and there are always people who will spend the star coins for the new outfit rather than work for it. SSO provided plenty of opportunities for people to spend star coins. They didn’t need to include the clothes and tack in the shop in the “for whales only” category. New Horse - 950 star coins New Pet - 350 star coins Each new tack set was 260 star coins (295 including matching leg wraps and saddle bag) Will-o’-whiskers clothes: 440 Crimson Count clothes: 520 Full Will-o’-whiskers clothes+tack: 735 star coins Full Crimson Count clothes+tack: 815 New Masks were 25 star coins per mask And then all the previous items, like the previous horses, pets, outfits, and powders.

If you read all the way wow. I’m impressed. I wish I had something to give you but I am VERY tired. I don’t really have a good way to wrap this up in a beautiful Conclusion, since I made my point way earlier, so celebrate getting here with this:

[spirit-of-the-void]

Ebony and Ivory- Bonus Vergil Ending

Author’s notes: So. This took me a really long time to write, and...well...I dont really know what to say about that. To be honest, the V ending got a lot of complaints, and it really tore down my motivation and confidence for this fic, for writing in general. Not to mention I was trying to get my life together for the beginning of this year, but the virus shit kind of ruined everything so im just...dead for the most part. Shit sucks, I’m tired, but...I felt bad about never giving this ending, so i did my best to make it something worth reading for you all. Im sorry it took so long, im sorry i never write or post anymore. Im just really doing my best to get through each day, and im really grateful for those of you who stuck around, and those who didnt

Heres to, hopefully, more writing in the future.

Bonus Chapter

Vergil’s alternate ending

So lost in the gravity of the moment, minds addled and fogged with sadness, pain, and rage...neither man heard you.

The Outsider didn’t notice you snap out of the pocket Void he held you in, didn’t hear the shattering of obsidian and the distant howl of a thousand voices screaming their denial, their sheer despair at your choice. After all, this place was a part of you--The void wanted it too, ached and craved and begged for his punishment. The man who caused you so much pain, left abandoned and alone to suffer all the agonies a world could offer. Surely this could not be, surely you weren’t making this choice, willingly embracing this agony in all its absolute brilliance?

 It hurt, it hurt. The pain was so fresh and alive, it rattled through your bones and spread like boiling, freezing water through every joint and tendon. Memory had always been your burden, from the moment you entered the Void to every fresh breath of it you drew to fight being swallowed whole by the inky abyss. And now those memories were like brands, searing into your skin and leaving scars so deep that they were numb. The burn didn’t stop, and neither would the images that came with them.

Images of your baby. Your son--Nero.

The instant you relieved that moment, saw his tiny form peppered with a tuft of white hair upon a shivering head you screamed, thrashing against the obsidian hands holding you back. One by one they shattered, shards drifting into absolute nothingness like dust floating on the breeze. More and more they came, trying to wipe it all away. And still...you writhed, shouted, held onto every moment, every pain. The guilt was more agonizing than anything else, sending your limbs trembling and mouth open in a soundless cry to join the ever shrieking masses. You left him, you forgot him. Your flesh and blood, your son left on a doorstep alone to grow up feeling abandoned and neglected. 

No amount of power could change what had happened to your mind, to your body bleeding out on a sidewalk. Strength was just a fleeting concept then, a whispered promise of brighter futures than your soul was made to endure. When that agony returned, when the tragedy of that day struck it left you shattering and broken, glass upon the ground begging to be picked up again. You weren’t like that anymore.

Strength was no longer an empty promise, it was something real and tangible. You could hold it in your hands, cradle it and nurture it with everything you had. It existed in the laughter of friends, in the feeling of holding a loved one’s hand,  deep breaths of ocean air and memories made in that place of tragedy that were so bright. For so long now ignorance had been your enemy, snatching away so much happiness and leaving you wanting. Losing V, the Outsider’s betrayal, this--if only you had known, if only things could change. If only. You were tired of those two words, the taste of them now foul and bitter like poison shoved down your throat. There it choked, spat out with more force than ever thought capable. No more ignorance, no more hiding from that deep, aching pain and regret--you knew now, and by the Void itself you would die before not knowing again. 

It felt like hours had passed before the hands finally stopped coming, a gasp escaping your lips like you had been held under the ocean’s weight the whole time. Finally, a breach. You crested over that familiar surface of water, falling upward until the familiar glow of the Void finally met your eyes. Obsidian hands managed to break your fall, eyes swimming with dizziness and tears while everything sank into the very core. Vergil, your love,  abandoning you, the order, the pregnancy, Nero--everything. This was the make or break moment, the time to sink or swim. You lay on the cold ground for some time, treading the waters of your own mind and trying not to drown while the Foresight screamed in unbearable pain. You would not break. You would not break. You would not break. 

You wanted to remember, wanted to remember everything. There were so many things that had to be said, apologies to be made, love to give. You wanted to weep at the feet of your son, to beg and plead for forgiveness and tell him how absolutely loved he was from the very start. To make up for lost time, to change everything without the fear of shattering apart. The past could not be fixed, mistakes were now written in stone. But you knew that didn’t have to mean the future had to be bleak. You remembered now--That deep feeling of love, meeting Vergil that first time and pouring everything into him. His betrayal had stung to your very core, had left your past self weeping along in a cold cell. But...that love wasn’t gone. It didn’t justify Vergil’s actions, but you knew now. No longer ignorant, having been so close and deeply in love with the human part of him he rarely showed. V, the broken man who wanted nothing more to be protected and loved. 

Now you knew both sides of the man you loved, and you didn’t want to lose that again.

Clarity seeped through the pain, weaving together the pieces left behind and keeping you solid. A wheeze escaped your lungs, sounds fading in and out as you struggled to rise from the ground. The Outsider’s voice, Vergil’s, the Void. Promises of punishing the son of Sparda, of leaving him still loving you while V was here to keep you happy and ignorant. Denial scraped along the already-battered walls of your head, gaze lifting just enough to see a blurry vision on the precipice of the endless sky. There the Outsider held Vergil up by his collar, framed by an endless glow without stars and no sun. Neither had noticed you, so lost in the Void’s howl and in the Outsider’s chiding promise. It made your teeth grind, head swimming with desperation and the unrivaled need to stop this, to stop everything. No more--no more pain, no more suffering, no more punishments. 

You dragged yourself, body trembling uncontrollably as the Foresight battled every inch of it. A fail safe, meant to protect you from memories that might bring about shattering. Right now it definitely wasn’t helping, but that didn’t mean you would stop. The hard ground of the debris scraped your legs as you went, but they were practically numbed by everything else. Whale oil rising like bile in your throat, eyes black and reflecting the Void’s glow like obsidian crystals. Your tears glistened, dew on their surface, falling steadily through the harsh, wheezing breaths. Clearer now, clearer every second. Vergil stared sightless ahead, eyes glazed and empty as he accepted the Outsider’s fate. His look of defeat shook you, made every cell scream out in denial and sorrow. Both of you were so young, so foolish, so desperate, so headstrong, so hurt--not anymore, not. Any. More.

“Vergil Sparda, this is your punishment for hurting my child.”

Enough. We’ve all had enough.

The Outsider jolted when you reached out, grasping the back of his jacket with shaking fists and pulling yourself upright. What a sight you must have been--body riddled in scratches from dragging yourself, pale and shaking while the wind whipped your hair into a senseless mess. The deity immediately gasped, dropping Vergil’s limp form in shock and leaving him sitting on the edge of the debris, jolted back into sense. For a brief moment, your eyes met. Agonized, horror-filled blue staring into the glistening black, reflecting so many emotions, apologies, and regrets. When he was like this, his expressions reminded you so much of V. You knew what he was seeing, feeling, remembering. Seeing what his choices wrought, the tragedy and despair left in the wake of an arrogant child’s selfishness and fear. And that’s what he looked like now--unabashed vulnerability, tears in his eyes threatening to drip down already-wet cheeks. That past was done, it was gone and left in the rubble of memories that longer mattered.

Here, now...that mattered.

“Y/N…!” The Outsider rasped in horror, griping both your shoulders as you grabbed the lapels of his jacket without letting go. It caused him to crouch to your level, expression filled with panic and shock as he continued on horrified, “You shouldn’t be here, you still...still--How did you manage to--”

You couldn’t explain, couldn’t give him the chance to send you back again. You choked on a shuddering breath, arms reaching up around his neck and pulling closer into the only embrace you had ever shared with the deity. The one who gave you life, saved you from the abyss and spent the past few years trying not to let you break--his methods were not the right ones to take, lingering in cruelty and the very pain he knew too. How could you expect a creature who knew nothing but the empty, mindless howl of the Void to know anything of comfort and affection? He had no one to teach him mercy, to remind him of what humanity was like. To let go, no more pain of betrayal, no more anger.

 He froze when you rested your face on his neck, body held against his as wind whipped around you both mercilessly. There was no warmth, not physically--but his chill was a comfort all its own,  a familiarity that kept you from shattering and calmed the Foresight into a low hum.

“N...no more…” Your voice was so tiny, a broken sob against his frozen skin as you squeezed tighter, “Please...please...No more.”

The Outsider swallowed hard, body still rigid as his hands very gently settled on your back. Like he was holding glass thinner than paper, on the verge of breaking. He grit his teeth, you could hear the grinding of his jaw from this close.

“You’re suffering,” He managed to rasp out, voice shaking with restrained emotion as one hand threaded through your hair, “My child, my only precious flower--you remember don’t you? You remember what he--”

I remember. I remember remember remember. And I never want to stop. 

“I don’t care…!” Your body shook harder, voice taking on the hard edge of resolve even while tears swam in your vision again. The memories hadn’t stopped, they refused to cease in their brutal assault. Vergil never coming to save you, the pain of being shot, giving birth alone and soaked to the bone. Blood on the sand, your son’s wail on the wind. His face, his tiny hands… You sucked in a shaking breath, heart aching as a broken whimper slipped from your lips, “Please...don’t take him from me...I can’t lose it again…”

I want to know him. I want to know Nero as my son. I want to know Vergil as my everything.

You didn’t want this pain to be a reminder anymore. You wanted to make new memories with your child, to make up for all the mistakes and everything he lost. To go on without knowing, to live in ignorance as his friend and listen to him speak of the sorrow that came with being abandoned...you would rather die. Guilt was not a stranger, and you knew it was possible to grow and heal from it again. Because you weren’t that broken soul in the Void anymore, having tasted what a happy life could truly be like at the very core of your being. A perfect word would have been Vergil coming to save you back then, stealing you away to a quiet place to give birth and raise your child together as better people, to move on. But this world was far from perfect, and that was okay. To learn, to move on and grow from what happened seemed too good to be true, but it was all you wanted, all you had. 

Vergil stared at you with absolute agony, those tears managing to trickle out against his will down sharp cheeks. You loved remembering him, those special first moments. Getting to hold his hand, a first kiss, that night...it had been everything, bringing familiarity to the time you had been with V. Of course the poet felt so right, so deeply familiar and necessary--your body remembered him, saw the black-haired human in every tender, vulnerable moment with Vergil. Getting to have them both was such a blessing, to learn that part of your soulmate so intimately and without restraint. He held so much back, drowned out by fear and pride that continued to choke his happiness. Things could change, they had to.

The Outsider sucked in a sharp breath at your words, hands shaking where they gripped the back of your blouse. You could teach him too, could help him remember what empathy felt like underneath the howling Void.

The cold has numbed you, but it doesn’t have to be that way. 

“I...I could return V to you…” The Outsider whispered, staring over your head into the empty abyss as the wind continued to howl for everything you had lost, “That man, he...he hurt you, broke--You. I almost lost my only child, the only gift this wretched place allowed me.”

In a way, the deity was a child too, not understanding his own emotion and lashing out in kind. All this nonsense had been born in how much he cared for you, so much that the idea of losing you scared him into cruelty. It wasn’t right, he hurt you and the people close to you in the process. It couldn’t continue like this anymore, not on the path of revenge and tragedy. 

You let out a soft breath, eyes squeezing shut as you tried to push back the tears. Your pain wasn’t helping him see clearly, nor was it aiding you in any way. It had to end, this ceaseless cycle—The Outsider needed to understand that you could handle this, that you could grow and stand on your own feet while carrying the weight of these memories around on your shoulders. 

“I know what that feels like,” You whimpered, breaths attempting to slow but still hitching with each swallowed sob. That fear he felt, the panic...you felt that all and more, “Please, father...don’t make me lose my child again.”

You felt him suck in a shuddering breath, eyes a glassy black as they stared over your shoulder into the abyss. In all the time you knew the Outsider, he had never shown emotion like this. Muscles locked to the point of shaking lightly with strain, air pressed through his nostrils like he was afraid opening his mouth would release an unwilling scream of denial. Because you knew deep down, knew he could understand your desire to keep these memories. Seeing you lose Nero had to hurt him too, bringing on the unwilling fear of experiencing the same thing once you almost slipped away. He had tried the only way he knew how, and now…that fear was caging you in, born of desperation and panic that kept the entire ocean at bay in the hopes of saving you from drowning. But he could never stop it from trickling through, not for long.

You delicately ran your fingers through his hair, feeling the wind send the short locks tossing back and forth. He felt so...human, real and solid. You were willing to bet he wasn’t always the God of this place, that his vulnerability and immaturity had roots in something deeply human. He froze sharply at the contact, hands squeezing the fabric of your blouse so tightly you wondered if it had started tearing.

“If I could take you away from this place, I…” You whispered, eyes closing softly as your body battled exhaustion, “The Void has made you cold, father. I just...I cannot let these feelings go.”

You leaned back just enough to stare at the Outsider’s face, obsidian meeting obsidian and reading each other’s faces. His eyes were wide with unrestrained desperation and sorrow, echoing so many years spent in this miserable place without the sun. You placed both hands gingerly on his cheeks, thumbs stroking along his high cheekbones as if waiting for tears to be shed.

“Father,” You whispered, voice aching with so many things better left unsaid as you stared at him steady and imploring, “Ignorance won’t protect us anymore.”

You hear Vergil suck in a breath at that, air dragged through teeth clenched so hard they might crack. The Outsider’s reaction was no different, those obsidian eyes wide and face a blank mask of shock and regret that showed no signs of fading. You knew what he was thinking, knew that desperate horror of watching you come so close to shattering, to becoming one with that deep, endless abyss. He was not used to fear, he was not used to being afraid. And that was something you could understand, something you wished so terribly to ease in any way you could. But this pain was so necessary, the deepest ache in your chest that gripped with icy fingers and refused to let go--shattering or not, painful or not...the memories were yours, and you wanted to keep them. You owed this to yourself, to Vergil, and especially to Nero. There were so many things you wanted to say to your son, and those things needed to happen above all else. 

There was a pause of silence between you all while the Outsider froze in place, seeming lost in thought as his endless gaze seemed to bore into your own. The only thing that broke the tense air was the howling winds from all around, even the moaning chorus of suffering voices seeming to quiet as they waited for the Outsider’s choice. If he decided against you, there would be a fight that could not be won, a fight that would more than likely end with you shattering from the stress already on your body. That was a risk the Outsider couldn’t afford to take, even with all the powers he held over you. The deep burn of foresight, icy veins of the Void’s magic as it traveled through your body--every breath was given to you by this ancient being, every bit of life you now carried each and every day. Without him, you would have never met Vergil, and for that you would always be grateful. 

The Outsider did not move for a very long time, only leaning back after his black eyes finally blinked at you. His hands slowly lowered from your form, falling back limply to his sides as he looked away, something akin to regret flashing across his face.  Exhaustion and acceptance followed like close companions, his eyes so very tired as the man rose to his feet, leaving you kneeling on the floor before him with a pleading expression on your face. For a moment, he could only stare down at you with more sorrow than one creature should carry, the chilled winds of the Void making his hair blow wildly in several directions. He looked more ancient than ever, the years spent in this wretched place more than showing on a face that was far too young to look so lost. The Outsider stared at you as if prepared to lose you forever, and that was the moment you realized he had finally made his choice.

“...I only wanted to keep you safe,” He spoke so softly, tone feather-light and echoing through the space as if he had screamed it out to the chorus of the Void. He rested one shaking hand upon your hair, eyes closing as his voice became ragged and somehow even softer, “I did not wish...to see you end.”

You nodded once, fresh tears dripping from your black eyes and onto the debris underneath you. The pain of his betrayal, every place you had traveled to, the lost memories and empty dreams...He didn’t know what else to do to keep you from shattering, fueled by desperation and that cruelty he knew so well. You didn’t want to hold onto it any more, these deep feelings of anger and regret that threatened so strongly to overtake you. They were nothing more than a burden now, and inexcusable weight that clung to your shoulders with sharp, unyielding claws. They had been your companions for far too long, and now...now they needed to leave.

You gripped the Outsider’s wrist tenderly with both hands, turning his palm over so you could press a kiss to it. He sucked in a sharp breath at the action, listening quietly as you replied in that hoarse, ragged tone, “I know...and I will be safe...I will,” Your black eyes raised, the color finally slipping back into your normal tone, the whites returning and glistening with tears, “Let me remember the people I love.”

You could see the lingering hesitation even as the Outsider pulled his hand away, eyes downcast and body stepping back toward the precipice. His gaze lingered for a moment on the form of Vergil, seeing the way he looked at you in absolute agony, the tears slipping down the sharp line of his jaw and the shattered expression in his eyes. There was remaining resentment there in those obsidian orbs, but he clenched his jaw and said nothing to the Son of Sparda. If you had to guess, the Deity knew that the only words that could get through the half-breed’s thick skull would have to be yours, and he wasn’t about to interfere with that again. So he paused only to look back at you again, face slipping back into his usual, neutral expression before you watched him disappear into a cloud of obsidian crystal shards without another word. You could understand that he needed time again, needed to process everything before addressing it again. 

He didn’t take away the gifts he had given you, at the very least. But the burn of Foresight was now gone, leaving only the familiar chill of the Void as it seeped through your limbs. For a minute you could only wheeze, trying to get the chaotic storm of emotions in check and feeling Vergil’s gaze linger on you with its familiar intensity. There were so many things between you now since the trials, since you attacked him in the Qliphoth. Those memories from Fortuna, of your first love and traveling together around the city--they mingled with every terrible, unspeakable event that took place after, all the terror and suffering that threatened to cloud out all the wonderful things. At the forefront was the guilt, the aching regret about what happened to Nero, of leaving him on the orphanage steps. It tore you up inside like razor blades, so very painful and absolutely unyielding. 

You slowly rose to your feet, turning towards the Son of Sparda with small steps and watching as his gaze lowered toward the ground. He didn’t dare look up at you as you approached, chest rising and falling with shallow breaths and hands shaking at his side. Vergil had never looked this way to you before, so lost and filled with absolute emotion. It reminded you of how V had acted in the Qliphoth tree, the desperate pleas and the guilty torment of knowing that he would have to leave you at the end of his mission. God, you were so grateful for getting a chance to know that side of him, to love his human half in its entirety before it eventually returned. Those moments were so precious, to witness the vulnerable things he tucked away behind all that anger and pride...All Vergil had wanted was someone to save him, to be loved and cherished like any other person wanted too. And you had more than enough love to give, leaving no room for anger or grudges left behind from past mistakes.

When he spoke, his voice came out low and hoarse, its tone and cadence barely managing to whisper over the Void’s howl, “Why...Why did you choose to remember? He...He could have made you happy, could have given you back the man who knew how to cherish you. But you...you…”

You ignored the question, sliding both hands through his slicked back, white hair and lingering there for a few moments while he breathed faster. Tension was there in his trembling shoulders, in the way those icy blue eyes stared down at the ground and refused to look away. You could feel it now, those walls he kept up for so long bending under the weight of regret, of truth and long desired affections. What point was there in fighting things now? At the end of the day he could no longer hide what he wanted anymore, could no longer hide behind the shield of indifference or spite. All that could possibly remain now was guilt and regret, of self loathing that had seeded itself deep inside since the moment his mother had died. Vergil had so many reasons to hate himself, for things that weren’t even his fault, and for things that didn’t matter anymore. All that mattered was leaving those mistakes behind, remembering the good things and striving to do better.

He had that ability inside of him, you knew he did. The ability to change, to atone for his sins. 

“Why?” Vergil continued to ask, breathing growing more and more ragged as you lowered yourself in front of his hunched form, both hands cupping his chilled cheeks and forcing his tormented gaze to rise up to meet you. There was agony in its depths, denial and confusion that made your heart ache so terribly, “All I’ve ever done is hurt you…! I...hurt everyone, took from everyone--V could have given you everything you wanted, without the things that make me who I am.”

You rested your forehead against his, tears forming on your lashes like dew drops and dripping in crystalline droplets onto his thighs. You could feel it when his breath hitched again, sounding like he tried so hard not to cry.

“...We don’t have to hurt anymore,” You whispered, voice soft and just as ragged as his own. Both hands rested on his chest, smoothing over the lines of his vest and feeling his heart race through the fabric, “That man who made me so happy is a part of you, Vergil...It was that same part of you that brought me so much happiness in Fortuna, that you buried under the fear of vulnerability. You made mistakes, we both did...All I want now is to move on from them, to be happy with you, with Nero--we owe that to him after all he’s endured.”

You felt his jaw clench at the mention of Nero, knowing exactly what went through his head. Your child, shivering in the cold and wailing for parents who were both gone, a little boy growing up thinking that he had no family, that they  abandoned him without a second thought--then as an adult, having his arm ripped off by the man he learns to be his father, left bleeding on the garage floor in pain. Years and years of not knowing, of aching to learn who his family was, then one strolls in and literally takes a whole limb. The agony that must have caused, and now...now there was still more to learn, the truth hovering so close and the boy didn’t even know it. All those things had been mistakes, yes, but it was Vergil who had to own up to them, who had to learn and try to do better. And that had to be the hardest part, to learn from one’s mistakes and not sink into the pit of self-loathing to cope. 

You let out a slow breath, trying to gather your words through the storm of guilt and emotions that still carried from the regained memories. Each breath felt like ice, words coming out hoarse yet firm as you told the son of Sparda, “You...You have to let those things go, Vergil, you have to talk to your son...Please...please. Please don’t leave us again, learn from what has happened and do better.”

We both can do better. For all of us.

You heard him swallow audibly, hands clenched into fists at his side as Vergil fought every ounce of instinct he had built up over the years. To hide his emotions away, to swallow them down and feel nothing but resentment and anger like it would somehow protect him. Self loathing was at its core, the final wall of his defenses once everything was gone. At the end of the day you knew that Vergil needed to learn how to be happy, to live with the things he had done and make reparations for them as best he could. Protecting others, doing things for the sake of good and not greed...those parts of him were real and tangible, you had held them in your arms once, kissed them with tender lips. They had been true and filled with so much emotion, and they wouldn’t just go away at a swipe of the Yamato.

Vergil finally looked up to meet your gaze, the faintest hint of tears clinging to his grey lashes as you swiped them away with your thumb. It was still so odd to see so much emotion on his face, torment obvious and out in the open.

“...How can you still love me after all of that?” He whispered incredulously at the look you wore, one of deep adoring and exhaustion as you continued to cup his cheeks, “I...I don’t understand. I don’t deserve it.”

His words made your heart ache terribly, thudding away in your chest like a caged bird trying to be free. Vergil’s was pounding too, closer to hard fists on steel walls of a person trying so desperately to escape a deep agony.  

You stared into his eyes as steadily as you could, voice coming out soft and reassuring as you explained, “Because love isn’t about deserving it or not, it’s about feeling emotion... and acknowledging it without running away,” You reached down, threading your fingers with the trembling digits of his own and giving a light squeeze, “Vergil Sparda is meant to be mine, and I don’t want anything else but that...I want to be with the one I was made for, and...that person is you.”

You broke me, and I broke you...I think we’re done breaking each other, aren’t we?

All that was left was to pick up the pieces.

You were shocked when Vergil’s arms pulled you against him hard, wrapped around your waist and squeezing as he buried his face against your shoulder. You could feel his ever breath, hear it rattle and shake with rasping sobs that had ached so desperately to be free this whole time. God, it felt good to finally be held by him again, every precious memory returned and emotions so very raw. You could feel them now, everything he had bottled up inside pouring out like water from a shattered glass. How it must have felt to finally acknowledge so many years of repressed emotion, to embrace someone without the heavy shackles of pride or hesitation. You embraced him back with accepting arms, eyes squeezing shut at the relief that came with being with the one you loved again. Whole and complete, just as tender as when he was V yet somehow more bittersweet.��

This was everything you had craved without even knowing it. 

You pressed kiss after kiss to his neck and shoulder, breaths slowing and the hollow ache in your heart finally fading at his touch. He was so strong, body holding fast against yours and the lines of it so very familiar. The storm inside was familiar too, you an anchor for the son of Sparda when he needed it most. 

“...I…” Vergil whispered after some time, voice low and hesitant as he swallowed back some of his emotion. You could feel his arms squeeze tighter, face pressed to your neck as he admitted, “I...I love you...Even back then, when I left, you...I thought about you the entire time I was on the ferry, yet I just...just…”

Forgot. That was the Outsider’s doing, wiping Vergil’s memory so that when you returned he could be punished without any complications. You let out a soft breath, leaning back to touch your forehead to his once again just as the portal started forming underneath you--crystalline hands curled upwards, gently wrapping around your forms as the Void’s hollow wailing grew louder and louder. As if saying goodbye, crying out in mourning for something that it felt like it was losing. Even if he wasn’t visible, you could feel the Outsider watching you both, his trepidation like a tangible force that filled the empty skies of the Void like thick, hovering storm clouds. He was afraid for you, he was lonely and alone. But you would not be leaving for good--even with the dark memories it carried, the empty blackness was a part of you, and so was the black-eyed God who resided there. You would return again someday, after having a chance to heal.

“I know,” You whispered to Vergil, feeling the Void’s howl ringing sharply in your ears as it started to fall away, “It’s over now, that pain is over. Let’s go home, and see our son.”

~~~

~Four Months Later~

You could tell it was still in the early hours of the morning, the sun barely peeking through the curtains of your bedroom in orange, pink colored hues. Warm--everything felt warm now, safe and comforting as you had sought for so long. More than anything, things felt correct, like every missing piece of your puzzle had finally fallen into place. Absolute in its entirety, perfected in its security. The way light air billowed through the windows, making curtains drift in a slow dance of dark blue fabric in the direction of your bed--Vergil’s arm wrapped around your form, his steady heartbeat under your ear and the warmth he shared with your body. You couldn’t remember the last time you felt peace like this, a rightness that seemed to fill up your form like honeyed milk and bringing with it a sleepy peacefulness that made it incredibly difficult to rise for the day. Then again, you were a better morning person than the son of Sparda, who would no doubt awaken surly and annoyed as he usually did.

So many things had happened in the past few months since you returned from the Void, so many things and so many emotions to work through. You had fallen onto the sand with Vergil by your side, Nero and the others rushing out to meet you in relief and worry at the way you both looked--even more so when you collapsed upon the white haired boy and sobbed, refusing to let go as apology after apology had burst from your lips. Eventually Vergil was able to coax you into letting go, and then...well, you had to tell Nero everything. Every regained memory, every terrible tragedy and all the things you so desperately wanted to say sorry for. He had to know how much he was loved, that you so terribly wanted to stay with him but circumstances never allowed. He listened to it all in wide eyed shock, but you had the feeling that he could sense for a long time that there was something that tied you both together, something neither of you could understand until now.

You were telling the truth, and he couldn’t very well deny that. His best friend had been his mother all along, and that was a lot to take in. He was struggling with the knowledge, but not as much as the fact that he wasn’t abandoned for being a half demon, that his mother went through so much terrible tragedy and died on the steps of Fortuna’s orphanage. All those years of searching and filling himself with questions and resentment, all of it for nothing. His mother had come back eventually, and that whole time he thought himself the older one, like he was meant to protect her like a little sister. Things had become such a mess, weaved together in chaotic knots that took a solid hour to weave with Kyrie there to support Nero while he absorbed it all. You were shocked to see that this info was somehow a relief to him, and even more so when he embraced you like a mother as if it was somehow the easiest thing in the world...like he had wanted nothing more. 

Mind you, Nico was in absolute shock about all of this--she kept staring in slack jawed awed at you and Vergil, unable to wrap her head around any of it. You, one of her closest friends, had given birth to a punk like Nero? How the hell was such a thing supposed to make sense?

Naturally, the very next thing Nero did was punch Vergil square in the jaw.

Both you and Dante had to hold the hot-tempered devil hunter back as he shouted curses at his father, railing into him for everything he had done to you and all the pain he caused. All his childhood questioning, all the pain--if Vergil hadn’t been such a dick so much suffering could have been avoided. You protested in between that things were fine, that it was in the past, but the son of Sparda didn’t say a word, didn’t fight back for once. Her merely sat on the ground where he had landed after the blow, rubbing his jaw with one hand and staring blankly at the ground. He was trying so hard, you could tell--sorrow lingered in the depths of his icy blue eyes, mingling with self-loathing as Nero reiterated back all the terrible things he had done and what a terrible person it made him. You wanted to stop him, but...Nero deserved to speak his mind, and Vergil had reparations to make.

After some firm discussions on the matter, you and Vergil agreed that it would be best to stay at Devil May Cry while things settled down, to find an outlet for the son of Sparda that would actually let him help people. Kyrie and Nico were both disappointed that you’d be moving, as were the children, but...right now was a sensitive time for Vergil, one where you were too nervous to let him be around things that would only make him feel worse. Until his head was sorted out, Fortuna was too much of a terrible memory for you both to literally live in the location of, and staying at Devil May Cry would be for the best until that was sorted out.

Regardless, the next few months passed somewhat peacefully. You and Vergil joined Devil May Cry, and set about fixing Redgrave City and rescuing any survivors still trapped inside. There were buildings to be fixed, roads that needed repairing, and broken families that needed to come back together. You knew this would be hard on Vergil too, but it was absolutely necessary that he try to make up for all the terrible things he had done. Every life taken in his pursuit of power would weigh on him for a while, and that wasn’t going to change any time soon, but...this did help. It was a while before the son of Sparda wasn’t listless anymore, that you could get more emotion from him that wasn’t guilt or regret. Mind you, Dante being irritating did help with that, but even he was worried the first few months when he would taunt Vergil and get nothing but sadness from his brother.

The surly man had been through too much trauma, seen too much. Having you by his side was his only anchor for a long time.

Which led back to present day, you wrapping a leg around his waist and letting out a heavy sigh of impatience when Vergil still slept soundly. You would think that someone like him, all pride and silly rules, would be much better about getting up in the morning. Instead, he was somehow worse than Dante, all annoyed grunts and exhausted stares as he dragged himself downstairs for a cup of coffee or tea. At least Dante would come down sleepy but cheerful, usually around noon or one o'clock in search of day old pizza. You knew trying to wake the son of Sparda up would not be an easy task, but you knew that there would be missions today that needed preparations--Nero and Nico would be joining you, after all, and there was nothing more exciting than the idea of spending time with your son.

You hummed softly, slowly rising from where you lay against his side and sitting up on Vergil’s lap with mischief in your gaze. It was surprising--he had taken months to get used to sleeping next to you without jolting awake in defensive positions, and even longer to get used to you touching him. So the fact that you could now settle your entire weight on his waist and place your hands on his chest was a pleasant show of how far he had come. Christ, he was such a beautiful man--those grey lashes were resting against his cheeks, face peaceful and calm in rest with messy hair and kissable lips. You could have stared at the hard line of his jaw for hours, wanting nothing more than to nibble it with your teeth and smooch for hours on end. Such a hard urge to resist, especially considering that he definitely should have been awake right now to start getting ready.

He stirred a little bit when you leaned forward, kissing a slow line from his shoulders and neck to that jaw you had been admiring so much. He was so very warm, and hard by the feeling of him pressing against your ass. It would be fairly hard to stay asleep with you rubbing on him like that, worshiping his chest with your mouth and hands while he stirred just a little bit more. There was no denying that low, rumbling hum of sound that came from his chest, peaceful expression shifting into something far grumpier as he stretched out under your hips. Reminiscent of a mighty panther waking with a low growl, eyes still not opening even as you leaned your face against his neck and gently bit where a vein pulsed steadily under the skin. 

You weren’t surprised by the low rumble of his voice under your ear, sounding incredibly tired and slightly grumpy as he groused, “I thought you agreed only to awaken me early for emergencies, brat.”

There had been some sort of agreement--but you were a little too distracted to remember it, tongue sliding up his warmed skin with a soft purr of, “But it is an emergency, my heart...I’ll simply perish without your help.”

You were being a bit cheeky this morning, feeling a surge of mischief and glee when his hips couldn’t help but shift slightly underneath yours. That pressure had to be a bit constricting on his cock right about now, but you weren’t getting much of a reaction out of him yet--he never did fall for your dramatic claims.

“Oh?” Vergil murmured, eyes still not opening as you bit down on his left earlobe, heartbeat quickening in your chest as he continued on, “Will you now? You certainly have a lot of energy for someone close to perishing.”

That last word turned into a bit of a grunt when you purposely rubbed yourself against his cock, feeling its hard length shift and squeeze between your bodies. To be honest, this was probably doing you in more than him, that firm pressure on your clit making you moan breathily and lean against his form like a cat in heat. Your panties did nothing to sully the friction, arousal making its home in your abdomen and pooling warmth down into your core like melting honey. Vergil was certainly able to catch your mood, letting out an amused rumble of sound when you breathed heavily against his neck, rutting against his cock again with absolutely no shame. Honestly, a past version of you might have been embarrassed to act like this, especially with someone as prideful as the Son of Sparda. But you well enough by this point that he wasn’t phased by your unabashed desire--rather he enjoyed when you gave him this kind of attention, like it stroked his ego.

It definitely did. 

“Vergil…” You whined, wrapping both arms around his neck and pressing your entire body against his when he purposely tilted his head to the side as if feigning sleep, “Don’t be mean--I let you sleep longer today that I did yesterday.”

He chuckled lightly at that, finally cracking one eye open to stare at you in his typical, superior sort of way. Honestly, you were a bit dazed for a moment at how handsome he was, white hair a tousled mess on his pillow and lips curving into a bemused little smirk at the desperate expression on your face. Vergil had a special way of looking absolutely, arrogantly smug, especially when he knew how badly you wanted it. But he was also weak to your pleading, and even more so with you all over him and looking so very tempting in just a tank top and some panties--he’d be a foolish man to refuse you in even the most dire situations, although he had to get his fun in somewhere.

The half-demon clicked his tongue, head tilting back and eyes closing again as he replied to you in a purposely sleepy tone, “Maybe you should ask me nicely, doll, and I’ll think about indulging you.”

You bit your lip, knowing full well he wasn’t about to walk around aroused for the better part of the morning, especially not with work to do and especially not while meeting with your son. But it would be silly of you to call him on that bluff, especially since he was prideful enough to prove you wrong just for the hell of it. And quite frankly, you’d lose out far more than him with such a foolish game.

A sigh left your lips, body falling limply against his in a show of defeat, “...Please?” You murmured softly, chin resting on his chest as you stared at him imploringly, “Please, Vergil?” 

His smirk widened at that, showing his pearly white teeth in accompaniment with his equally smug reply, “You could always try calling me ‘sir’ just to sweeten it a bit, brat.”

“Now you’re just pushing it.”

It warmed you thoroughly when your huffed reply made the half-breed laugh, the sound sleepy and smooth as he finally yielded and wrapped both arms around your form. It felt so good to be held by him, your body made to fit against the hard lines of his own. the sensation only grew deeper when he rolled over to press you into the bed, mouth catching your lips in a deep kiss and hands holding him up on either side of your head. Whatever grumpiness that plagued him upon waking faded away with your tongue stroking over his, breaths mingly and hips pressed against each other in a slow grind. You’d be hard pressed to miss his desire now, especially with him rutting it against your wet heat in those slow, deep presses that made your breath catch in desperation. Christ, you were needy--and he absolutely adored that about you, wanted to indulge every chance he got, even if it meant teasing you a bit first.

You were panting when his mouth slipped to your jaw, a growl in his throat while he kissed a line down to your chest and lingered there for a moment. You practically trembled when one hand tugged up your tank top, those kissable lips latching onto one nipple and making your hips rise at the slow, purposeful suction he gave. Christ, his tongue...he was merciless this morning, absolutely ruthless. The half breed swirled the wet appendage over the sensitive bud in his mouth, making you whimper and fist his hair with both hands. So sensitive in the morning, becoming a writhing mess under his ministrations in a matter of seconds. He let out a satisfied hum, blue eyes looking up at you from under his lashes as he released your breast with a hollow pop, moving onto the next.

You were already drenched by that point, anymore foreplay absolutely not needed, but that wasn’t stopping Vergil. He would willingly draw this out hours if you had it, bringing you to the edge of orgasm over and over again without satisfaction, until you were sobbing with need. And then he would be the opposite other days, literally making you come over and over until you were begging to stop, until the overstimulation was too much. Unfortunately, today offered very little time with all the plans in mind, so he could only get his fun in short intervals. Honestly, you could have taken two of him with how aroused just the morning wanting had made you, and that was plainly obvious when the half-breed tugged your panties down your legs, tossing them to somewhere in your room.

You practically sobbed with need as he plunged his fingers into your sheath, the slide easy and wet as he tested your resistance, finding absolutely none. Your toes curled into the bed sheets, head tilted back as he kissed along your neck and jaw with those fingers working below. Curling inside, searching for any sweet points and making slick, lewd sounds with every thrust. You could only squirm, at his mercy and trembling with a building orgasm in your lower half. God, why were you always so sensitive? He had just barely started and you felt already inches away from coming on his fingers, hips rising to meet him as a desperate moan left your parted lips. No wonder he could overstimulate you so god damn easily--without edging you would just orgasm easily without much work at all.

“Ahhh...ahhh...g-god, please--” You whimpered against his neck, hips rolling against his hand as you squeezed your eyes shut, “Vergil...Vergil I’m so--”

“Already?” The son of Sparda murmured, stilling his fingers and chuckling at that half-choked sound of desperation you made in response, “I thought you were made of sterner stuff than that, doll.”

You weren’t really in the mood to be prideful today, his teasing barely registering with you as the feeling of that orgasm started to dull. It was so very disappointing when his digits left your throbbing insides, a trail of slick following them as proof of your arousal. That might have been a bit embarrassing if you had any shame left, but that wasn’t really the case after everything you had been through with this man. The son of Sparda seemed pleased, icy blue eyes lingering on his fingers before drawing them into his mouth, tasting your essence as he leaned back to gaze over your form with a hint of adoration in their depths. The way Vergil looked at you, lingering on each scar and left over wound from battles past...it made you heart only ache more, body desperate for his affections and warming further as you stared back with a pleading expression of your own.

 Luckily enough for you, Vergil seemed to be far more merciful today, placing both hands on your thighs and pushing them back and apart. You bit your lip, knees up to your chest and held there right where your legs bent with his strong hands. So exposed, spread nicely for him and ready to be taken. The half-breed gave you a look that told you not to move your limbs in the slightest, letting go so he could pull down the thin, cotton dress pants hiding his length from your eyes. You could have moaned when the hard appendage slipped free, precum already beading on the tip smeared away by his thumb and looking so damn perfect for you and you alone. God, he was beautiful everywhere, cock lengthy enough to press deep inside and thick enough to spread you without hurting too much. And with how aroused you were, it would be absolutely painless, your body practically aching to suck him inside and feel each stroke along your inner walls. 

Vergil didn’t seem keen on waiting any longer either, pressing the tip against your folds and sucking in a breath as he stroked over your clit for a few seconds, just savoring the wet warmth. You were trembling, toes curling with anticipation and heart pounding quickly in your chest when he finally pressed it against your throbbing entrance, Vergil gritting his teeth at the way your body molded around his length. A perfect fit, his cock slipping easily inside and buried deep in a matter of seconds. Your eyes rolled back a bit in your skull at the feeling of his tip brushing your cervix, filling you up entirely and leaving not a single inch that wasn’t being touch by him. You had no doubt that he could feel your every breath, every shift of muscle as you fought the urge to rut against him as the desperation grew higher.

“G-god, please…” You whimpered, shuddering when he leaned over your form and pressed both hands to your legs again to press them back. The movement shifted his cock inside, burying it just a bit deeper and making you gulp in a quick breath of air, “F-fuck...fuck…”

“So crass, my doll,” Vergil hissed, voice breathless as he leaned down to nip at your neck again, “You’re absolutely drenched...you must have really worked yourself up this morning.”

That was certainly an understatement. When he slid his cock out of your throbbing sheath it was a wet slide, plunging back in with a wet sound that seemed overly loud in the quiet of your bedroom. A choked whimper left your lips at the pace he began to set, wasting no time in being gentle with you with how obviously you wanted it. Your hands blindly reached for him in the mess of sensations scattering your thoughts, one wrapped around his neck and the other burying itself in his hair as your lips pressed hard together in the next instant. Vergil always kissed you the same way when you made love, like he was starving and you were the first meal he was allowed in so many years. You could only hang on as his cock plunged in and out below, roughly pressing your hips into the bed as each breath mingled desperately between your molding lips and tongues. Desperate, mindless, both seeking pleasure from each other as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

And it was. Vergil felt like home, felt correct in the best way possible. Body to body, legs wrapping around his waist now as he fucked you into the mattress--one hand cupped your warming cheeks, the other bracing himself upwards so he didn’t crush you with his weight. Each soft sound of pleasure that came from his lips was like music, panting gasps or subdued moans that strained with each thrust into your sheath. You loved looking at his face, seeing him come undone with pleasure and lose all composure as he shared his body with you, became vulnerable with you.

You were so close now, his hips grinding against your clit with each thrust. It was quite the sensation, feeling his  cock bumping your cervix every time he buried himself deep inside and feeling so very filled to the brim. The growing orgasm was coming much faster than you thought it would, your body still just as sensitive and absolutely trembling as it pushed for that pleasure like your life depended on it. Christ, how would you be able to work after this? He was so easily making a mess out of you, and something about that was absolutely tantalizing. Not that he was any better--you could already tell he was getting close too, the son of Sparda burying his face against your neck and body tense as he ground himself inside of you with a desperation that was starting to match your own.

“Y/N...fuck…” He hissed, voice low and breathless as he pressed his mouth to your skin, words slightly muffled as he moaned, “You feel so good, I can’t--fuck--”

You couldn’t even form a reply other than a wordless moan of your own, head tilted back and eyes squeezed shut as your orgasm started to crest. It throbbed through your insides, hips jolting upwards as a half sobbed cry of release left your lips and your body clenched around him like a vise. The half-breed grit his teeth, the tightening around his cock sending him to his own peak shortly after. His hips stuttered in their thrusts, a hoarse groan muffled against your skin as he buried himself deep to fill you up with his load. You could have melted at the feeling of him spilling inside, body going limp with satisfaction and toes curling into the mattress as you rode out the storm of pleasant sensations. Warm, thick, and so very deep--making love to him felt so perfect, and getting to have him again and again was more than you ever thought you’d be allowed. Bad memories, pain, suffering...they couldn’t have been further from you both at that moment, quietly coming down from your orgasms in the safety of your bedroom.

You don’t know how much time passed with you there, Vergil’s body pressed to your own but careful not to crush you with his weight. The throb of pleasure was quieting now into a warm glow, limbs limp and body deliciously spent as you let out a soft, contented sigh. An ideal way to spend your day involved staying like this with him for hours, maybe longer, and getting to enjoy each other as much as you wanted. That wasn’t likely today, but it still felt nice to lie there for a few moments, sharing warmth and listening to both heartbeats slow to something far more tame. Your fingers idly traced patterns on his relaxing back muscles, your other hand in his hair and gently stroking the slightly damp locks out of his face. You could feel him melt under your touch, breathing evening out considerably and eyes closing as he savored the comfort of your affections for just a bit longer.

He never wanted to stop feeling them. And neither did you.

You expected him to pull back as he always did, to kiss you on the lips and remark upon how you should probably start getting ready. Instead, you were surprised when he let out a soft breath, tone low and uncharacteristically gentle as he wrapped both arms around your spent form.

“I love you,” He murmured, stroking one hand up into your hair and pressing a tender kiss to your jaw, “Thank you...for loving me, for...choosing me.”

Your breath caught at his words, that familiar pang of emotions squeezing your heart as you recognized the vulnerability and hesitation in his tone. Even after four months, you could feel how each past mistake weighed upon the son of Sparda, making him feel undeserving of you, undeserving of anything. No doubt Nero’s constant reminders weren’t helping with that, nor did the Outsider’s trials all that time ago. You wished that there was more that could be done to ease his pain, but knew that the only way that he could change for the better was to embrace the mistakes and do better in the future. He was, after all, half human.

So you wrapped both arms around his neck, heart beating faster in your chest as you pressed your face to his silvery-white hair and smiled softly, voice absolutely truthful in your reply to the son of Sparda.

“I love you too--and I will always choose you.”

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