#just use hirelings + summons

[enchantrum]

tempted to start streaming BG3 out of sheer boredom but idk what platform would be the least annoying for casual streams

[thewritetofreespeech]

Astarion x Reader

words: 1.02K

rating: T

pairing: Ascended!Astarion x Spawn!Tav

summary: after seeing their friends for the first time in a long while, Tav has a request for Astarion for them to come live at the palace.

---------------------------------

The party is in full swing. Or…as full of a swing as this lot could get.

Astarion had to admit, for a dried-up old skeleton, Withers could certainly put on a show. He wondered how the old pile of bones managed out here in the middle of nowhere, looking like….that. Perhaps he’d summoned those hirelings to go fetch the party favors for him.

His attention turned from his wine to Tav as they came close. Calm, smiling, happy. He hated it. Not that he has any doubts that they are happy in their life together, and they are wonderfully content in being his consort. He just doesn’t like that other people are making them happy. “Hello, my treasure. Miss me already?”

‘Of course. When we’re apart I miss you terribly.’

Astarion barked out a laugh. Not sure if they were being sarcastic or not, but chooses to believe that they would be desperate without him. “Of course you do. And? How have our dear friends been without us to guide and protect them?”

‘They’re great-everyone seems so happy.’

“Really?” He was taken aback by that. “Are you sure? I was half certain they’d be half-dead and begging us to take them back.”

‘Well….there is one….’

“Really? Well…I’m not surprised.” Astarion’s interest was piqued now. Certainly it was no surprise to him. Who wouldn’t miss all of this? How helpless they all would have been without the faithful stewardship of his love and his clever resourcefulness to see them through. It wasn’t a surprise that one of them would crave that guidance again.

‘I have a request.’

A request? How odd, Astarion thought. Though they were bound to one another, and he was their master, he was true in his words that he wanted Tav to be his consort, not his spawn. The others he would command as his leisure, for their own good or his amusement, but Tav was free to do as they liked. As long as they were with him. It had been a while since they had made a formal request of him. So this must be serious. Though he can guess what it was.

“Name it darling and it is yours. As always, you can ask me for anything.”

‘I want them to come live with us.’

Bang on the money.

He guessed correctly that that was their request. Nothing else would require his permission in a formal way like that. It filled him with glee that they would ask though. Come crawling in to ask for his permission. And, more than that, do it on behalf of another who would soon be crawling in for his permission as well. “Of course you do my love. You always did have a soft spot for the weak and unfortunate. It is one of your more disgustingly cute qualities.” He told them. “So, who is it? Halsin? Shadowheart?”

Astarion had to assume it was Halsin. He’d already propositioned them once during their travels. Why not try it again? Although, he couldn’t see the big lug willingly spending time in the city. Or giving up on those brats he was so fond of. He hoped it was Shadowheart. Though he had chosen Tav, and correctly, there were times when he’d look at the little lost convert when more than just hunger for her blood. A look he knew reciprocated by her to his future consort when she thought no one was looking.

‘It’s Scratch.’

His fantasies on which of their companions were begging him to take them back and what he would do with them came to a screeching halt when they revealed their intended. “The dog!” Were they really asking him to take in that mangy mutt into his grand palace?? Where it would probably….shed and dig up every potted plant in the house.

‘The Owlbear too.’

“Oh good Gods, now you’re just being ridiculous.” Astarion pinched the bridge of his nose. This had to be some horrible waking dream he was having. Since he didn’t sleep anymore.

‘You said I could ask for anything.’

“Ask! Not make these insane requests!” Tav gave him one of those stern looks. One that would have made his old self buckle instantly. But he was an all powerful vampire lord now. Their powers wouldn’t work on him anymore. “Don’t look at me like that. You know it’s insane to have animals running around the palace. Where would we even put that behemoth of an Owlbear in the first place?”

‘I seem to remember that there was a very large room under the palace he could stay in. With a little sprucing up.’

Astarion growled in his throat. “No.” They crossed their arms and stared at him, and once again Astarion told them, “No. And that’s final. I won’t have wild animals running around my palace. Ask me for anything else my love, but this is too far.”

Tav uncrossed their arms and their shoulders fell. A sad look on their face that was not quite a pout because they were too grown up for that. They turn to leave and go back to the party before Astarion told them, “Fine.” They perked up and looked over their shoulder at him. Hopefully. “I will…think on it. But I will need some concessions for even considering putting up with this. You may get what you want. But, I get what I want.”

They beam at him, and don’t even consider what he might ask in return as they dash over and kiss him on the cheek as a thank you.

Astarion sighed. “I’m going to stay here and think on this. But you should go – mingle, chat, laugh. Have fun my love. And if our friends drop any interesting secrets, bring them right back to me. Until then, I’ll be here. But don’t fret, I will be watching. I am always watching.”

And he did watch them go. Return to conversations with Shadowheart and Laz’el projection, giddy and happy again. Although he knew it was his doing this time. So he was less annoyed than before.

He then turned to look at the dog and owlbear playing by the bank. The ground literally trembling under the overgrown cub’s feet. Astarion pinched his nose again. He decided it would need to be something very, very, very good if he was going to allow this to happen.

[athanasius-symposium-of-writings]

I love your Astarion work! I was curious if you could write a semi lengthy (if possible) angst/jealous Astarion x Tav/Reader??? Also hurt reader/Tav is always great too. I crave comfort lol

I hope you like it!

Rated: M

Warnings: spoilers for dark ending, transformation, vampiric

The manor is oppressive, heavy as if a ball and chain are leashed to your neck forcing you to bow, this place screams for submission. The want to give in, to let go, be controlled, dominated. It sickens you as Astarion guides you around the home of all his trauma. Naturally, you want to comfort him, hold his hand, and squeeze it to reassure him. However, this is not the time or place. The deeper you both travel into the bowels of Cazador’s palace, the heavier this weight is on your back, choking you as if you misbehaved.

Then came the cells. The sins of the past stabbed and twisted between Astarion’s ribs nicking his heart.

He is distant… You try to tell him this isn’t his fault, that Cazador is to blame. He was used just like they are.

The rules of being a vampire do not help as it is revealed what happened to Cazador’s master is part of the cycle to learn, adapt, and succeed. The rule of two where one will kill the other and repeat the cycle with another. The throne of blood you pray Astarion wants nothing to do with as he sees what is the cost of power.

The Black Mass is unholy and you silently pray to Lathander for his radiance to shine and burn that bastard Szarr to ashes.

Wishful thinking as the moment you enter the ritual chambers things go south, fast.

With now all seven of his spawn, he is strong-- Stronger and though using the spells and holy water do weaken him (barely), he is stronger than most foes.

"Perhaps after my ascension, I shall take your spawn friend as my own." The taunt is spoken during the battle as you struggle to keep up and your hirelings are spread out fighting the summoned bats, werewolves, and ghouls. The words are intended to be salt upon the wound as Astarion is helpless to fight against his master and this ritual. The screams do not help, the blood in the air does not help, and…

You… Are afraid.

This is too close to what happened to you, at the temple of Kanchelsis. Your master was pleased to watch as you writhed in agony as you turned into the beast you are. A vampire who shares the bestial madness of a werewolf.

Being tossed into a column like nothing as the vampire lord takes special interest in attacking you. Your body is in pain, bruises with internal bleeding, and the mental fear is keeping you on the ground struggling to get up. The laugh echoes, your vision blurring, and when you blink you… See your master standing above you with the bat-shaped head of the staff making you tilt your head up.

“Stay right there.”

He… He is going to win… He is going to ascend…

He is going to kill Astarion!

You must push on! Every muscle in your body protesting as you get up, your blood spilling as your form shifts to that beast, bigger, deformed, and grotesque. The whispers of the dark father in the back of your mind as you roared like a beast unleashed from its cage. Jaheira had been teaching you druidic magic as it seemed you had a talent for it. Seems that comes from the beast within, it hungers and Cazador looks like the perfect toy to chew on.

There is a cost, you know it, this power is tapping into the essence of vampirism. The beast, the hunger that comes with the gift and blessing of Kanchelsis; that cost you care not about, not now. No longer will you allow yourself to be chained down by the memories of the years of torture and abuse!

Astarion needs you, you need him, and you need each other.

Damn the cost! Damn this place, damn everything!

The beast roars with rage! An animal instinct as it recognizes Astarion as the mate, a mate in danger.

The slaughter is fighting to this bat-shaped form you are in, Cazador can’t keep up even in his mist form. When you try to rip his head off or attempt to fly and grab him; he knows how to flee.

“Scurry and scatter like rats!” Your voice is not your own, it is the beast that relishes in the hunt this lordling provides.

There are points when you blackout, in and out of a waking dream, then when the bloodlust no longer consumes your body and mind. Your body is back to normal but the wounds are worse, you need blood soon in order to properly heal.

“Wake up!”

Astarion. The sigh of relief hurts though it is being healed, well attempted to, away by the hireling cleric. Your eyes watch the scene of long-awaited and overdue revenge take place.

“I need your help.” His voice does not hide the desperation, the need.

This was your warning, you should have told him to stop or… You can’t raise a claw against him. There is too much between you to end it with steel or claw. So your eyes and mind are his to see through.

It is through those he seals his fate and the fate of seven thousand souls.

[froshele]

realized about a month ago right after aborting a lantern run (over what it would require me to do to my poor dear meowmeows) that i play cultist simulator less like "a cool byronic occultist from 1920s London who is tormented by what is ludically implied to be bipolar disorder with component schizophrenia" and more like

well

"misplaced, undiagnosably whimsical 1920s imperial refugee rebbe who lucked into like a secret way to find heaven or whatever but hes mostly just fucking around in the dream forest, has no homicidal goals whatsoever and genuinely cares about his hasidim and worries about their mental health"

i dont think anyone has even ever been on an expedition that they couldnt 100% mathematically succeed at and i apologize to, like, the summonable mirror hidebehinds and caligines on the rare occasion they get got by the good guys

i've never paid a hireling because i care too much about their hypothetical wellbeing

one time one of my followers almost got arrested and i got her out with a favour from authority that i got in a dream, and then i systematically had everyone else with a compatible skill harass the responsible detective until the problem was gone. unfortunately new ones kept appearing but well what can a fellow (extremely strange possibly holy idiot) do about that

in response to any new human problem i throw tishen (ft. mixed dancing with monsters) and consult with various supernatural entities, turn into an animal sometimes (definitely got this skill through kosher means), forge documents and move headquarters. so far this has resulted in fandom darling connie lee defecting from the honkshoo hconstables to join my chassidus for my dope document swag, American Boy - Kombinaciya style

i genuinely think when it says my character is painting paintings and assessing their art quality that he and his hasidim are actually sampling the paints though

because if you look at ysabet's character description and/or some of the karlsson type beat ways ive got us out of almost prison it's hard not to conclude that

also i think he just talks to the constabulary like a gimmicky tumblr blog would, like

"Sir are you aware that your uhhh your. Your paintings are demonic in nature"

":} yes i am painting about gilgulim"

"I don't know what that is but traffic with unclean forces such as uh... that painting of that.. half of a woman, is a criminal offense here"

"really? i am so sorry officer i did not know. you see we kasrilevker hasidim believe that baba yaga from stories, she is not real life. peace and love forever"

anyway his name is betzalel and i am making this post to incentivize drawing him for the tumblr cultsim fandom to plink back and forth as lovingly as i do. thank you for your time everyone (dissolves into a swarm of small cabbage moths)

[scalamore]

(Spoiler) Fates of Other Characters at the End of the Story

Just putting it out there since there have been a few incorrect spoilers floating around that I would like to correct:

>> Duke Arnbach's faction:

Queen (who became Empress consort): Killed in TL1 from a fire carriage accident; Still alive in TL2; Arnulf: Killed in TL1 for "being framed for treason" (it actually was treason); Still alive in TL2. ***note, Vol 6 doesn't go into detail about what happened to the Queen and Arnulf. Just like in TL1, they, along with Duke Arnbach, his grandfather (and the queen's father), had engaged in silent warfare against Rupert, such as sending assassins. Some point after Lari left, Arnulf tried to attack Rupert in a silent attack and was injured in the process (described to be crippled now). Of course, all this was behind the scenes, so Arnbach's faction couldn't do anything about it, and Rupert chose to not publicize the attack either. At the time when tensions were mounting, Rupert would very much rather watch and guard over Lari, as he had a bad feeling about the psycho baker hovering around her. However, he was urgently summoned back to the palace, because Louis had gotten word that Duke Arnbach and the Queen were now planning to openly attack the Capital with their army of knights. Unfortunately for Duke Arnbach's faction, they were completely no match for Rupert's own army. Of course, rebellion against the Emperor meant certain death, but Rupert allowed him, the Queen, and Arnulf to survive. In the end, Duke Arnbach pledged allegiance to Rupert, including all their political power and wealth. This was publicized by all of high society and the commoners of this faction's fall in power, and how they dared to go against Emperor Rupert. Unfortunately for him, Duke Arnbach only feigned innocence and loyalty; he tried to rebel again a few years later by trying to assassinate a pregnant Lari and was promptly executed this time for good.

Nigelle: Alive in both timelines - Went to live in some remote area near Hirel Island, not involved in politics anymore.

>> Grand Duke Ventibolt's faction

Grand Duke Ventibolt: Died in Tl1, died during the rebellion in Vol 6

Aunt Amelia: Died in Tl1, alive in TL2: Gave birth to a son, but Rupert publically denounced her and the son when Ventibolt died; they were allowed to live but will have no role in the battle for the throne in the future since they couldn’t prove the baby’s legitimacy, they had no power of their since Ventibolt didn't use his own army, but rather mercenaries that were bought off by Rupert. Ventibolt’s bloodline was now known as traitors just like House Belois.

>> House Belois

Trash dad - Died in Tl1, alive in TL2: I forgot if he's confined in the capital for life or in the south. House arrest for life though.

Lehan - Died in Tl1, alive in TL2: Will inherit House Belois once he becomes of age; tasked with rebuilding it to its former glory, as the house is known to be one of traitors who rebelled against Rupert. Lands are confiscated by the royal family, but the rest of the family and staff are allowed to live there peacefully in the south still. He's now the Captain of the Guards (the position that Louis was supposed to be in TL1). Unknown if he settled down or married, last we see of him is when Lari was giving birth and he was trying to calm down Rupert

Amanda Belois - Died in Tl1, alive in TL2: Still living comfortably in the South. Doesn't associate with her husband anymore.

>> RupeLari's group

Tory - after betraying Rupert, had died during the Rebellion of Vol 6, leaving only behind the Blue Eagle Crystal. From her conversations with Louis to not forget her, and with Rupert, it was evident that she knew she would die soon - and she did. After the battle, there was no trace of her in the armor, but just the crystal that made up her core. RupeLali left her at the St Voldegord's lake as a final resting place. Years later, she somehow materialized a [body] and reunites with Rupelali in the special side stories.

Louis - Not sure what his official position is, but he's completely replaced Lari as Rupert's close aide/right-hand man. He's always drowning in paperwork as Rupert is busy hanging out and enjoying life with Lari. Countess Lemille - Jailed in TL1. Initially the Queen's aide, but is now Lari's aide. Suffers the same fate as Louis as an overworked aide. She's introduced as an antagonist, but her heart is in the right place - she wants the current corrupt, backward Empire to take a step forward and be one that is kinder to women, and allowed women more rights. One of Lari's mentors and supporters as she aims to become Chief Justice while being an Empress, all to better support Rupert. Papa Felipe - Rupert occasionally summons him for some tasks if needed. Extras: From the special side stories: A lot of people are interested in the prince and princess from this generation's Wiletan Royal family: I forget what the Prince's name is, he's forgettable, still alive. Othelia, the princess: she's very much alive. Her only purpose is to wear Ardel's famous perfume, for Rupert to get necessarily close to her so he can get a sample of it on a tissue, and he goes back to his office to recreate it and give it to Lari as a gift. Some drama because he's framed to be unfaithful to Lari, but Lari doesn't buy it lol. (She's more upset that their daughter was upset at various things he did in general lol)

(Vol 5) Psycho Baker - Beheaded with his head displayed in the town square for the crime of poisoning, assaulting, and kidnapping with intent to harm a noblewoman. Riche/House Gorten - we find out in both timelines they were initially against Rupert and supported Archduke Ventibolt but eventually bit their own tails and swore allegiance to Rupert once they saw how completely overpowered he was. They enlisted the help of foreign mercenaries (kidnapping arc), which Rupert eventually took control of as well. That's why House Gorten got away scot-free in TL1: because they had sworn their allegiance to Emperor Rupert despite doing shady things at the start. Smart. There were also mentions of a small power struggle in the South: with House Gorten and House Vincent against House Belois. In the end, it resolved by itself. House Vincent in general doesn't like House Belois.

[mahayanapilgrim]

The Story of Kumbhaghosaka, the Banker

While residing at the Veluvana monastery, the Buddha uttered Verse (24) of this book, with reference to Kumbhaghosaka, the banker.

At one time, a plague epidemic broke out in the city of Rajagaha. In the house of the city banker, the servants died on account of this disease; the banker and his wife were also attacked by the same. When they were both down with the disease they told their young son Kumbhaghosaka to leave them and flee from the house and to return only after a long time. They also told him that at such and such a place they had buried a treasure worth forty crores. The son left the city and stayed in a forest for twelve years and then came back to the city.

By that time, he was quite a grown up youth and nobody in the city recognized him. He went to the place where the treasure was hidden and found it was quite intact. But he reasoned and realized that there was no one who could identify him and that if he were to unearth the buried treasure and make use of it people might think a young poor man had accidentally come upon buried treasure and they might report it to the king. In that case, his property would be confiscated and he himself might be manhandled or put in captivity. So he concluded it was not yet time to unearth the treasure and that meanwhile he must find work for his living. Dressed in old clothes Kumbhaghosaka looked for work. He was given the work of waking up and rousing the people to get up early in the morning and of going round announcing that it was time to prepare food, time to fetch carts and yoke the bullocks, etc.

One morning, King Bimbisara heard him. The king, who was a keen judge of voices, commented, “This is the voice of a man of great wealth.” A maid, hearing the king’s remark, sent someone to investigate. He reported that the youth was only a hireling of the labourers. In spite of this report the king repeated the same remark on two subsequent days. Again, enquiries were made but with the same result. The maid thought that this was very strange, so she asked the king to give her permission to go and personally investigate.

Disguised as rustics, the maid and her daughter set out to the place of the labourers. Saying that they were travellers, they asked for shelter and was given accommodation in the house of Kumbhaghosaka just for one night. However, they managed to prolong their stay there. During that period, twice the king proclaimed that a certain ceremony must be performed in the locality of the labourers, and that every household must make contributions. Kumbhaghosaka had no ready cash for such an occasion. So he was forced to get some coins (Kahapanas) from his treasure. As these coins were handed over to the maid, she substituted them with her money and sent the coins to the king. After some time, she sent a message to the king asking him to send some men and summon Kumbhaghosaka to the court. Kumbhaghosaka, very reluctantly, went along with the men. The maid and her daughter also went to the palace, ahead of them.

At the palace, the king told Kumbhaghosaka to speak out the truth and gave him assurance that he would not be harmed on this account. Kumbhaghosaka then admitted that those Kahapanas were his and also that he was the son of the city banker of Rajagaha, who died in the plague epidemic twelve years ago. He further revealed the place where the treasure was hidden. Subsequently, all the buried treasure was brought to the palace; the king made him a banker and gave his daughter in marriage to him.

Afterwards, taking Kumbhaghosaka along with him, the king went to the Buddha at the Veluvana monastery and told him how the youth, though rich, was earning his living as a hireling of the labourers, and how he had appointed the youth a banker.

Then the Buddha spoke in verse as follows:

Dhammapada Verse 24: If a person is energetic, mindful, pure in his thought, word and deed, and if he does every thing with care and consideration, restrains his senses, earns his living according to the Law (Dhamma) and is not unheedful, then, the fame and fortune of that mindful person steadily increase.

At the end of the discourse, Kumbhaghosaka attained Sotapatti Fruition.

[talenlee]

3e: Your Guild Leaders Are All Trans

3rd edition D&D doesn’t do much with queerness. It’s an interesting artifact of the late 90s, early 00s, where the whole edition was something that, to use the parlance of now, would be claimed as ‘woke propaganda’ now, was still something that didn’t feature a queer NPC until a Dragon Magazine published well into the release schedule of 3.5, and when it did, he drew heat that the editorial lineup of that magazine had to fight about it in the letters column of the next issue.

There are other areas that the game can be seen as surfacing queerness, and I’ve talked about one – the way that the D20-SRD component Unearthed Arcana introduces transphobia in the form of gender dysphoria as a byproduct of literal madness. That’s not great. It is, in fact, uh, bad. You can even have a multiple personality disorder identity which has a different gender to you, isn’t that cute?

But uh, okay, so that’s one way that explicitly not-cis-not-heteronormative culture showed up in 3rd edition. Uh… is there anything better? Anything that could be considered, um, nice?

There aren’t a lot of things that even mention the word gender. There’s a table for random NPCs. The Deck of Many Things can summon a knight that has the same gender as you, which implies you have one, I guess. Which is rude for any of y’all agender people reading this. Object Reading, the level 2 Psionic Power, can detect the gender of a previous owner of an item, which feels like it COULD be a cute idea for a mystery puzzle but it also winds up misgendering someone.

Like, you, cis author, are thinking of trying that idea, but uh, you know what, ask like twenty trans people about that plot twist first before you decide it’s okay, right?

The Disguise skill can get involved in gender, where changing the entire presentation of yourself as your gender is a -2 to the disguise check. The rules here get a little weird, because if your disguise check to disguise yourself as you, but a different gender fails, people know it’s you, but since you’re not trying to hide your identity, just your gender and intimate partners are really easily able to tell, this skill definitely doesn’t seem to be made with the idea of actually changing an actual gender in mind.

Know what can actually change your gender, though?

Cursed items.

There’s a really funny, dumb thing going on here. Because okay, so, magic items with curses or drawbacks cost less than the conventional thing they are. You can have a +2 sword with a curse attached to it, and that costs less than a +2 sword, because it’s just a less useful object. If an item has a drawback on it like it can only be used by Paladins or Rangers, it saves you money making it.

And you may think ‘huh, that’s a weird loophole for magic item crafters to abuse’ and yeah absolutely, and we tried, and every sensible Dungeonmaster looked at the obvious loophole abuse and stamped on our toes.

But still, it does mean that a cursed magical item, with a drawback, will persist its drawback as long as you have it. You don’t even need to be using it, it’s just there.

One of the curse drawbacks is that the magic item changes the gender of the user as long as they own it, even if they’re not using it. For it to be a slotless magical item, like a tattoo that gives you a +1 to a skill, then you can make it for 200 gold pieces. It doesn’t need to be obvious, removable or limited in any way. And then bam, you’re now the opposite gender to what you were, and that’s funny because it implies genders have opposites, rather than being two surprisingly similar camps that are very near one another in a very large, very wild forest full of some truly brave rugged individualists finding their own things to do out there.

How affordable is a 200 gp item? Well, as an unskilled hireling that a D&D character can recruit costs one silver piece a day and that’s enough for them to live on, and is enough money for that hireling to consider it worth doing. Like following an adventurer around is worth doing at one silver piece a day. You don’t need to feed or water them so it sounds like their day to day living is enough that that 1 silver piece covers those needs and then some because it’s not like ‘following an adventurer’ is a non-hazardous job. On the other hand, it’s not like players need to track their food in this game either.

At one extreme, it’s possible that 1/sp a day is just profit, and it’s possible that it’s much less. But let’s say half your wages go to living and the other half goes to surviving, it means that you could raise the money for this item, as an unskilled labourer, in something like two thousand days, or about five years. That’s rough but let me tell you, the idea that an unskilled labourer could meet their needs including food and lodging and medical needs, and afford to self-finance their transition as a one-time fee in five years is the kind of deal that a lot of trans folk right now would absolutely say compares favourably to whatever they’re having to put up with.

But also, for extraordinary needs, there are extraordinary measures.

See, a level 1 combat encounter, which you can engage with a large enough group of people with free weapons (clubs), or which you can with enough time and patience, make an elaborate trap to destroy, generates about 300 gp per, or, basically a few afternoons of work if you know how to find the right bandits. What I’m saying is, cheap medical transition is a potential onramp for young adventurers, and once you’ve taken out one Challenge Rating 1 encounter, why wouldn’t you keep going, it’s one of the best Get Rich Quick schemes available to you.

And from there, well, what are you going to do? Most queer folk I know are interested in uplifting one another, so the next step is construction of an organisation to put people in the path of this kind of opportunity. You could even start crafting these for a modest fee – making one of these tattoos is only 100 gp, and something like 12 XP, and that’s almost nothing.

I guess what I’m saying is the majority of guildleaders across any given 3e D&D game are probably trans, if you’re willing to weaponise the way that the game says ‘this thing transes your gender’ as a explicit drawback.

Check it out on PRESS.exe to see it with images and links!

#DnD3E #DungeonsDragons #Games

[senstless]

Splinterlands BATTLE MAGE SECRETS Featuring Rise of the Commons in Bronze 1

Featuring Bronze League Summoner and Monsters in Action!

CHALLENGE RULES

RULESET: AIMLESS

Description: Only common and rare units may be used in battles.

Summoners are unaffected by this rule.

Reasons Why I like it I like the rise of the commons because it forces me to go back and build the lineup without relying on those Uber powerful rare and legendary cards that if not owned or playable can guarantee a victory. Since I have focused on getting my collection complete and more or less at the correct level for bronze I no longer have to worry about not having the right cards, but this puts everyone on an equal playing field since almost everyone will have the common and rare cards for play.

The Matchup - Where Rules Sets, Splinters and Mana Collide

The Rule Sets

Watch the Match Here

MANA: 31

Ruleset: Rise of the Commons: Only common and rare monsters may be used in battles.

SPLINTERS: Life, Death, Dragon

Initial Rule Set and Mana Gameplay Thoughts

Rulesets Only one rule set to contend with, but it is a rule set then eliminates half the monsters, and 3/4 of the most powerful monsters out there. I think this will have a big impact on traditional lineups and force everyone to go a little different path but there are still plenty of great cards to pick. I don't think this rule set favors either of the splinters, but I do believe it reduces dragon as most of the dragon cards are not common and rares

Mana 31 mana should allow for a well-sized team, as well as some of those higher manner common and rear cards that will likely be key in this match but will still make you choose which cards you value more

Splinters

Having only life, death, and dragon makes us a little interesting. I don't view dragon as a natural choice given that most of those cards are not counted rares and have equal value in death and life for available cards for rights accountants. I chose to go with life given the additional benefits I can get from the summoner.

Summoner GRANDMASTER RATHE I secretly love getting every monster void armor. When combined with a repair I think it is a devastatingly effective combination to protect your monsters and allow them to maintenance battlefield as long as possible

First Position DRYBONE BARBARIAN One of my favorite common cards for life, plus once you add in void armor and someone rage with a healer and a repair behind it becomes a one-man wrecking crew that hopefully can survive deep into the run

Second Position TIME MAGE I have a love hate with Time mage. Low health and attack make it vulnerable, but it's high speed plus slow impact on the other team is crucial. I think it's always great to get your monsters to go before the enemy to ensure maximum damage

Third Position VENARI CRYSTALSMITH One of my favorite healers in the game, the fact it has good speed, and an arrow damage just adds more benefits versus some other healers that are slower, or don't attack

Fourth Position SCAVO HIRELING If I'm going to give every monster avoid armor, you can guarantee I will try to put at least one repair monster in here

Fifth Position RUNESLINGER Super fast, void armor, one range but with stun. That's done can be crucial and yes while it's a 50/50 chance getting your opponent stunned at the right time can make the difference between a win and a loss

Opponent Lineup & Match Play

Summoner THADDIUS BROOD Very solid choice in summoner. I also understand wanting to reduce health and your opponents magic attack. Reducing the health can sometimes modify which cards are attacked via opportunity

HELHEIM DEMON One of the first times I have faced off against this card. Only comment I have is that it's health is a little low to be a taunt monster but it's decent speed and flying means it will probably be missed a fair amount

XENITH MONK Interesting second choice, not quite sure why they went this direction. It can't do anything from here unless it gets moved to first position and it's not a great card to use on death.

CHAOS JAILER Another great ambush card. While it might not do a lot of melee damage it's poison can be a game changer in a match.

MOXIAN REBEL I'm a big fan of the new cards with weapon trainer. It really helps boost some other non-traditional cards to being much more viable and usable once you add an attack to them this isn't a prime example of giving a magic damage to Rift one

RIFTWING Normally this would be an awkward lineup position, but once you add in the flying scavenger high health and speed with an additional one magic damage due to weapons training then it's a great rear guard card.

Round 0 / Amush!

I am still getting used to the ambush rounds, but there is only one monster attacking this round and that is Chaos Jailer. Given the opportunity, it goes after scavo and only Hits armor. I'm lucky it does not apply poison or it would be on the field even less.

Round 1

Round one starts, and right away I start missing hellheim demon. Luckily for me, I get enraged at the end of the first round which my hip probability go up

Round 2

Things are not looking great to start, I've missed more than I've hit, and I'm lost my repair support monster. The missing continues is to round starts but I get lucky and I secure a blow within enraged dry bone barbarian to secure a knockout where I easily could have missed. This will have significant ramifications for the rest of the game. The rest of the big happenings in round two is Time mage gets attacked and poisoned which means it will be out at the start of round three

Round 3

Before anyone gets to attack I lose time maids due to poison but my luck holds as I continue to secure knockouts with dry bone barbarian and put all the luck on my side.

Round 4

It's starting to look like I have this in the bag. I'm doing much more damage, and I have a healer. I will say that it never gets old watching dry bone barbarian deliver eight melee damage round after round.

Round 5

I am pretty sure I have already secured the victory, but I never get tired of watching dry bone barbarians Hammer knockouts. By the end of the round they're only left with one monster

Round 6

I've already won, it just matters what my RNG is, how often I will miss a faster flying monster but in the end I will win since I alone can get healed and it will require only two hits to knock out Rift wing

Round 7

Even better for me I get in my first hit it's required for victory

Round 8

And my luck holds in round eight as a secure than final blow without having a random mess.

Thoughts -

Having a monster do a melee damage is a huge benefit. Getting that monster to also attack after a couple of faster arrow attacks which can hopefully remove the armor is key and game changing. A single blow can be enough to knock out their tank and allow you access to start mowing down the back row. I really like my lineup and I love the combination with grandmaster wraith to give everyone void armor.

~~@senstless

[ultimaonlinefan]

UOForever Meta Telisman Quest

Quest Line

Be forewarned, the quest to obtain a Meta Talisman is not for the impatient, frugal or faint of heart! To begin the multi-part quest you must travel just west of the Valor Shrine where the Forgotten Warrior statue awaits:

In order to begin a questline with the Forgotten Warrior statue, you will need to stand on the tile by the foot of the statue and speak any words to it:

You can then select one of the quests listed in this popup menu:

The Art of War

Idol of the Magi (Mage Tali)

Phylactery of Resilience (Defense Tali)

Totem of the Berserker (Zerker Tali)

Artifact of the Marksman (Archer Tali)

Lessons of the Past

Antique of the Artisan (Crafter Tali)

The Art of War

The Art of War is a test of Valor in which you must prove your worth as a true warrior. You must first sacrifice your most powerful weapons, then slay 100 Evil Creatures and finally fearlessly enter the Daemon Archlord's Lair. To track your progress the Forgotten Warrior has given you a stone in which to empower with your deeds of Valor.

Surrender Your Weapons: You are given a dull stone that must be empowered with Vanquishing weapons. This stone absorbs a Vanquishing weapon's power by double clicking this stone and targeting the weapon. The stone can only be charged with true instruments of war... daggers, cleavers, knives and pitchforks cannot power it. Once 30 Vanquishing weapons have been absorbed by the stone, you must return to the Forgotten Warrior Statue and present yourself with this empowered stone.

Slay Evil Creatures: The Forgotten Warrior witness your stone and tell you to prove yourself by slaying 100 "evil" creatures. These creatures must have a minimum fame level to be accepted by the stone. Creatures of this stature include Dragons, Drakes, Daemons, Ogre Lords, Lich Lords, Deep Earth Elementals, Orc Mine Overseers, Paragon Lichs etc. The level of "evilness" is determined by the monster's health points which must be 400 or higher. Some Deep Earth Elementals, for example, will be just below the required level of "evil" because they have less than 400 health points. Once you've killed those creatures and the stone is filled, return to the statue and speak again.

Enter the Daemon Archlord's Lair: Now you have to visit the Daemon Archlord's lair! Also known as the Arch Demon, he is located in Wrong on level 3. In the center of the room you will find a small red statue. Double click that to collect the Arch Demon's blood. Be cautious however, if the Arch Demon is around, you will have a hard time getting to the statue! If you want to take on the boss himself, it is recommended that you familiarise yourself with his attack mechanics first.

Choose your Path: With the Arch Demon's blood in your bag, double click your stone and select the blood to purify the stone. Now you can speak once more to the statue with your purified stone and you will be able to choose one of the four talismans:

Idol of the Magi (Mage Tali)

Phylactery of Resilience (Defense Tali)

Totem of the Berserker (Zerker Tali)

Artifact of the Marksman (Archer Tali)

Notes

You may complete the quest multiple times on one character but you will only be able to wield one talisman at a time.

When killing these Evil Creatures, you need to the source of damage that obtains looting rights in order for the kill to count. You cannot use Summons(such as energy vortex or bladed spirits) or Pets/Hirelings.

[probablyevilrpgideas]

How to Play: Naota and Conti (FLCL) in Pathfinder

Ok, so.... technically, Naota is, essentially, an unintentional summoner, and that's a way to handle him in Pathfinder. If you want to go more "inspired by" and less "literally playing Naota and Conti."

But it's not perfect.

Ok, so, in FLCL, Naota is a kid, and after being hit by the weapon of a space cop (I'm glossing over a lot to convey the basic info), he grows a horn from his forehead where he was hit. Shortly thereafter, the horn is revealed to be a large robotic finger that was protruding from some interdimensional portal in his head, as two robotic arms emerge, struggling. One of the robots, Conti, fully emerges, tearing the other arm off of whatever the other robot was, and they fight.

So, Naota has a robot companion, right?

Well... yes... except that it's not a very impressive companion. In the next episode, when another robot emerges from Naota's head and attacks, Conti is getting his metal ass kicked until, after being thrown by the enemy robot, he only misses hitting a side character because Naota tackles her out of the way, and as the enemy robot bears down on them, Conti eats Naota, giving him a major power up. Where Conti could only put up a token fight before, now he can offhandedly block the giant hand of the enemy robot and hold it at arms length.

Ok, so. We have a kid, and a robot who can't do much until he consumes the kid (he... well, literally shits Naota out later). Conti has some assorted powers, but mostly he's a brawler-type fighter.

When I started looking at how to do this, I was just looking at ways to use the Summoner class, and maybe a synthesist summoner, but that doesn't, quite, work. It could. You could manage it. If you want a really simple way to play Naota and Conti, just play a Synthesist Summoner.

However, a better way to handle Naota and Conti is the Aegis psionic class, but more specifically an Ectopic Artisan Aegis. So, if you want a simple way to do this without the added stuff of Summoner, that's how you do it.

But I don't do these to just give a simple "X is just (Y Class)."

Building Your Actual Character

Ok, so, yes. You're playing an Ectopic Artisan Aegis. But you're going to get a little more complicated than that.

The first step is to clear with your GM taking overlapping archetypes provided you only take one archetype's features when they each trade out/alter a standard feature.

Because you're going to play a Blue Goblin Ectopic Artisan Annihilator Aegis.

I am of the opinion that overlapping archetypes are fine so long as you're not trying to get double benefit, and here, the overlap is advantageous, because while Ectopic Artisan is a good way to handle the basic structure of this character, the Astral Manipulation and Astral Swarm abilities don't feel like they quite fit, whereas Annhilator's features can take their place and easily feel like a much better fit.

Now, the real reason to take both is the Astral Warrior ability of EA. The other features are either going to be left alone in favor of things Annihilator does, or are random features that are nice, but don't directly fit Naota and Conti. So if you don't feel like bothering with asking your GM about a bunch of exceptions, just get a hireling at start of game to represent Conti and Naota being two people. Outside of combat, Conti can be considered an untrained android hireling, so you can just spend 3gp at the outset to get a hireling for a month, and then whenever there's currency in the treasure, deduct another 3gp to account for the next month. Assuming your GM even worries about it, which they may not.

Race

So, why a Blue Goblin? Well, it allows you to be an Annihilator (but you can argue that's unnecessary for this character if you're not a Blue). But also, a Blue Goblin is small. Like a human child. So, it's sort of a feedback of reasons to play a Blue Goblin. Blue Goblin also has a few features that I feel are a good fit for Naota- Naturally Psionic and Psionic Aptitude are just good things for a Psionic character, and the ability to take an extra Power point instead of hp or skill point just feels like it fits better for a kid with latent ...extranormal ability. Pariah works pretty well with some refluffing- ask your GM if it can apply to kids and adults instead of goblins and non-goblins. It should work out to about the same mechanical effect. I imagine that goblins show up only slightly more frequently than kids in a standard campaign, and the GM can just give you opportunities to interact with kids instead of opportunities to interact with goblins.

What about Repletion, Keen Senses and Stealthy? Well, take the Psionic Prodigy alternate trait, which handles the first and last, and then Leadership for Keen Senses. I see Naota as something that can be a decent leader, but hey, maybe that's a result of the slight harem anime themes in FLCL.

So what power do you take when P. Prodigy gives you Unlocked Talent? Well, I think any of the 1st level Precognition powers is a defensible choice (minor note- I think the name of this feat is a poor choice that can cause confusion. Talent is the term for Psionic cantrips. It gives you a 1st level power, not a talent. It should be called Unlocked Power). Untouchable Aura is also a decent option, since it can do some lifting in explaining why the enemies largely don't bother with the little kid running around, but, eh. Energy Ray is a really good option that can help with another part of this build, but ask your GM if you can count Aegis as having a manifester level for the purposes of your unlocked power. If they say no, then we'll handle that part another way, and just look at basic utility things that don't have big flashy effects. Although, technically, EA does give you a manifester level, but you're still gonna want to to run that interpretation by your GM.

Oh- Astral Construct is certainly an option for this, if you want to represent Naota that way. But it only lasts 1 round per level as written, so... if you're going to forego Ectopic Artisan, just get a hireling.

Class

So, as an Annhilator and Ectopic Artisan, you lose the Astral Repair feature. EA gives you an ability to repair items, which can work, but Annhilator's Size Matters ability is much better for Naota and Conti. Naota is a kid, Conti is a robot that stands the height of an adult (actually a bit taller). So, Naota is a small character, but when he pilots Conti, he gets to act as a Medium size character, and gets a boost to Strength at the cost of a bit of Dexterity.

EA replaces DR with Ectoplasmic Creation, which is fine. I don't feel it's a great fit for Naota, but it can represent the fact that things other than robots come out of his head at some points. And if it convinces your GM to let you have a real manifester level with Unlocked Talent, even at half class level before 11th, that's a pretty good upside to this ability. But if you want to ask your GM if you can just have the DR, that's certainly a defensible choice, too.

Instead of Reconfigure, EA gives you Astral Warrior. This is the core to why I'm using this archetype for this build. While you're just running around, you have an Astral Warrior, Conti. When shit gets real, you "are consumed by your astral warrior" to power it up, but, mechanically, you're dismissing it as your form your astral suit, so you can use all your customization points on your armor rather than splitting them.

Annihilator gives you Strength of Mind in place of Reconfigure. I think this is a quite handy ability, but if you wanted to ask about foregoing this to just have Reconfigure, and these kind of questions don't bug your GM, that's defensible.

Cocooning Strike is... irrelevant to this build, imo, but not bad. Again, you could take it or not. Depends on what you want and what your GM is cool with.

The final replacement of EA is Astral Swarm, which does not fit this build, in my opinion, so take Annihilator's Absorb Critical instead. In the fiction of the game, it means you sometimes get hit so hard that Naota is ejected from Conti. I feel like that is a good thematic fit.

I think that's pretty straight forward, but again, if you don't want to mess with it all, just being an Annihilator Aegis with an android hireling would work fine, too.

Building Conti

Ok, so then we come to worrying about how to handle Conti himself.

When he's not absorbed Naota, Conti is just an Astral Warrior. Give him a bludgeoning weapon, and say its his fists. Astral Warriors are medium bipedal constructions, but also get customizations.

Suitable customizations for Conti's base form are

-Improved Armor (because being made of metal, he should have more than just +2 natural armor) -Psionic Attacks -Psionic Damage -Flight- Conti doesn't really fly but there's no levitate customization, so this works fine.

But, really, what we care about is when Conti absorbs Naota, which gives us a lot more to work with and brings up the last thing I think we need to handle:

Conti turning into some kind of space howlitzer.

There are three ways to handle this, one of which I alluded to earlier:

-1) take Energy Ray as your Unlocked Talent power. Assuming your GM gives you a real manifester level based on Aegis (either specifically for this power, or taking the manifester level of Ectopic Creation into account), this works quite well. You could have up to 5 power points at first level, so once you have a manifester level higher than that, you can easily take the damage of this up to meaningful levels. -2) The Energy Blast astral suit customization. You "charge up and transform" by taking a full-round action to become psionically focused, choosing an active energy type, and then you can fire this attack. You need to take the Ranged Attack customization first, but then you can take Empowered Blast, as well, to use your power points to increase the damage of this attack. The only real downside here is the short range of this attack, with no option to increase it through customizations, so that's something worth considering. -3) Just a big weapon. Something like a magical ballista (ie, a Huge Heavy Crossbow). In this case, your transformation is retrieving your ballista (use a bag of holding or portable hole or the like for the mechanical consideration), and cocking it. I suggest adding an energy ability and the like, but this is just reflavoring an otherwise pretty generic magical weapon. You can offset the attack penalty through the Increased Size and Improved Increased Size customizations. --Note, this is a point in favor of not taking Ectopic Artisan for this build, as Reconfigure allows you to use a standard action to change some customizations, rather than a full-minute, which could be part of your Transformation sequence. But, you can also just make the size customizations part of your standard build and say that Conti's actual in-game height is the same, and he just fights as if he was larger before his transformation.

Outside of his finisher attack, it's just a matter of choosing the appropriate customizations for Conti. As said before, Conti is basically a brawler in combat. Not the class, but he just kicks and punches. So you're going to focus on customizations like Hardened Strikes, Flexible Suit, Improved Armor, Psionic Attacks, Retaliate, Brawn, Hardy, Additional Damage, and so on.

What About Feats?

There isn't a huge need for feats in this build, so you have a good bit of freedom here to improve your fighting ability or do other things you want to do with your feats. Body Fuel would be a good option, allowing you to recover power points, Siege Engineer and Siege Gunner allow you to deal with the penalty on a ballista if you decide to go that route for your cannon attack without using customizations on it, Deep Impact gives you more use for your Psionic Focus, and so on, but there's no feats that are absolutely required.

How Does Playing Two Characters Work?

Honestly, you're not playing two characters. You're playing one character who happens to have a servant, who happens to be the actual combatant of the pair. In combat, you use your combat abilities, out of combat, you use your non-combat stuff (like Diplomacy), and you just establish in the fiction of the game that you're playing a kid who has a robot they can fuse with to fight.

What About Other Editions?

Honestly, I don't know. I'd have to look around 5e to figure out how you do something like this, and that's its own entire post. In 3.x, you can just ask your GM if they're cool using Pathfinder stuff. In Pf2... again, I'd have to do some research. I know the changes are relatively minimal, but I don't even know if Pf2 has an Aegis class.

[monstersdownthepath]

Spiritual Spotlight: Kurgess the Strong Man

Neutral Good God of Bravery, Competition, and Sports

Domains Community, Good, Luck, Strength, Travel Subdomains Agathion, Competition, Family, Fate, Home, Resolve, Self-Realization, Trade

Inner Sea Faiths, pg. 64~69

Obedience: Find the nearest boulder, log, or other unattended object that you can reliably lift over your head, and hold it up high for the duration of the obedience while meditating on the ennobling nature of sports and tests of physical might. If you are interrupted at any time by any creature or person, you must challenge your interrupter to a contest of strength, speed, or stamina, with the boulder or another object of your obedience used as the main focus of the competition. Benefit: You gain a +2 sacred bonus on Acrobatics and Climb checks, regardless of who wins the competition.

Obedience: Be a jock. Auto-succeed if you’re a Str-based martial fighter. I appreciate that Kurgess allows even the physically weak to take part in this Obedience (the path to fitness can be walked by anyone after all), and through constant practice one hour each day, your noodle-armed nerd caster may yet gain some Str and Con from their dedication. It’s not a particularly intense workout, mind, but the dedication to doing it for an hour every single day is something the DM should reward! At least until their Str/Con reaches maybe 13, at which point more strenuous activities would be necessary to raise it higher.

Anyway, easy enough to do if you own literally any item or have access to something you can grab and lift. You may look a little kooky doing it, but other Obediences get much weirder than just doing squats and lifts with whatever you have laying around. You’ll just be the local health nut! One who’s weirdly into challenging people to sudden competitions. Your party may quickly learn not to interrupt your meditation lest they get pulled into a 80s training montage, but if some poor citizen or wandering monster prods at you, you’re spurred on by your god to challenge them. Note that this says any creature, so even a non-sapient creature that was just snuffling around gets challenged, even if it can’t understand you.

No word on what happens if the intruder declines the challenge, or cannot accept it in the first place. Maybe you just automatically win? Not very sportsmanlike to declare yourself a victor like that, but it’s also not very sportsmanlike to force someone else into a competition they want no part of. I’m sure Kurgess will understand; not everyone is built for the life you’ve chosen to live!

Benefit’s bad. It’s half the strength of other benefits on two skill checks that are rarely important (Acrobatics can be extremely useful but isn’t as flexible as, say, Knowledge or Sleight of Hand). And... god, you know. I like Kurgess as an actual character, but this benefit is just a small taste of what’s to come. Brace yourselves, because it’s going to get pretty bad from here on out. 

Boons are acquired slowly: the first once you reach 12 hit dice, the second at 16, and the third at 20. However, the Evangelist, Exalted, and Sentinel Prestige Classes can be entered as early as level 5; doing so grants you the Boons at levels 8, 11, and 14 instead. As Kurgess is a true deity, you earn the right to enter the classes earlier than those who serve fiends!

-------- EVANGELIST --------

Boon 1: Blessed Runner. Gain Longstrider 3/day, Cat’s Grace 2/day, or Haste 1/day.

Starting strong, at least! I’m talking of course about Haste, whose power as a buff is nearly incomparable and useful at pretty much every level of play. Longstrider adds a comparatively meager +10ft to your land speed, and Cat’s Grace gives its target +4 to their Dexterity, and though they have a duration that’s an order of magnitude longer than Haste (Longstrider especially, lasting an hour/level), their functions don’t hold a candle to the extra damage output you and your martial allies get from Haste. The only competition it really has here is if two of your allies need increased Dexterity stats for a good long while, but you’ll never see me turning Haste down whenever it’s offered.

Boon 2: Strong One. You gain a +2 sacred bonus on all Strength-based skill checks. 

Just skill checks? Not even Strength checks in general? Eurgh. Couldn’t even spring for, like, just a +2 to Strength.

Strength-based skills are Climb, Swim, and... wait, what? It’s just Climb and Swim? Well, congratulations I guess. At level 11 you’re finally getting that +4 to Climb checks you should have been getting at baseline. Absolutely--ok you know what? Here’s what I’ll do.

--Patch Notes: Strong One now grants a +4 sacred bonus to Acrobatics, Climb, Escape Artist, Ride, and Swim checks. There! Now it rolls thematically into the Darechaser Prestige Class and is actually good! Not the best Boon out there, but on par with what some Evangelists get.

Boon 3: Farmer’s Brawn. Treat your carrying capacity as though your Strength ability score were 3 points higher than it actually is. 1/day as long as you are wearing light, medium, or no armor, you can lift up to two unconscious or dead Medium or smaller creatures and their equipment onto your shoulders and still move up to your base speed, ignoring the added weight. You cannot both attack and move in the same round while carrying one or more creatures in this way. You can carry these bodies in this way for a number of rounds equal to your Hit Dice; afterward, they encumber you as normal.

The amplified carrying capacity grants you, on average, about 25 more lbs to your maximum load depending on how high your Str was before. Neat! This should have been part of Strong One, though, even with my little buff. Also, carrying capacity rarely matters at the level you get this ability at, either because of Bags of Holding or because nothing really becomes worth carrying aside from what you already have. Aside, I suppose, from unconscious allies.

This is just... A flat bonus to Strength would have been better than whatever this is. An emergency tool of rescue, I suppose, Combine with Longstrider or Haste to grab your fallen allies and get out of there! Oh, wait, no, because “still move up to your base speed.” So there goes that. Also, despite the fact they don’t encumber you, you’re still basically staggered while carrying them (you can still take two move actions, though!). ALSO also, this ability only lasts for around a minute and a half, which is pathetic if you’re using this ability for its intended function (narrowly escaping a complete party wipe); it’s likely to cut out about halfway out of the Evil Lair.

I suppose there’s the utility of just picking up whole entire enemy bodies and running off with them, but seriously, just...

--Patch Notes: Farmer’s Brawn now reads “Gain a +4 sacred bonus to your Strength. Once per day, you may carry two Medium or smaller creatures or corpses and all of their worn equipment without counting them towards your encumbrance for 1 minute per HD you possess.” 

-------- EXALTED --------

Boon 1: Holy Strength. Gain Enlarge Person 3/day, Bull’s Strength 2/day, or Rage 1/day.

Oh hey! All three of these are good and useful at any level! Rage can whip a whole party into a frenzy at once, giving them +1 to attack and damage rolls with melee weapons and giving them +1 HP per HD they have, at the comparatively minor (but still noteworthy) cost of -2 AC. Having a legion of summoned creatures, some hirelings, or just a party with a decent number of martial fighters can expand Rage’s usefulness even further... but a meager +1 to a whole lot of people is only useful if you, well, HAVE a lot of people. If you don’t? Bull’s Strength gives +2 to attack and damage rolls for minutes at a time, and has the added utility of beefing up someone’s carrying capacity and skill at lifting and throwing things around.

Enlarge Person is really the way to go if you have (or are) a powerful melee fighter on your side, though. A nice +2 to Strength is secondary to the delicious, tasty +5ft of reach, letting the target hold a much greater area within their threat radius. Knowing that you always have this spell on hand (3/day with a 1 min/level duration basically means you have it every time you need it) can prompt your primary tanks to take feats like Pin Down and Step Up to make themselves into inescapable tar pits of pain.

All three of these are good and flexible choices! Excellent! Now lets see what else Exalted can do...

Boon 2: Coordinated Escape: 3/day as a standard action, you can shout an inspirational command that affects you and any allies within 60 feet for a number of rounds equal to your Hit Dice. During this time, affected characters can use the withdraw action to move up to triple their base speed (instead of up to double their base speed).

... run away real good, apparently? The ability is described as showing Kurgess’ wisdom, fleeing from a fight that cannot be won rather than standing and accomplishing nothing, but like. He’s the god of bravery! Eurgh. At least there’s the amusing use of using withdraw to get CLOSER, since it essentially gives you an extra move action. And, for what it’s worth, it IS a decent escape tool, provided the enemy you’re running from has no way to catch up with you or slow you down. Much like the original Farmer’s Brawn, this ability just kind of doesn’t represent a god of sports and athleticism, which is what drives me nuts.

... well now that I think about it, using it exclusively for a sporting event like football or some other “keep-away” type game would be hilarious. But, still:

--Patch Notes: Coordinated Escape has been renamed to “Audacious Escape” and now reads “3/day as a standard action, you can shout an inspirational command that affects you and any allies within 60 feet of you. Any creature affected by this command can move at double their movement speed for one minute, and while they’re affected by this ability, their movement does not provoke Attacks of Opportunity.” Capped the time limit and shrank the movement buff, but made it a far more powerful defensive OR offensive tool.

Boon 3: Break the Anvil: 1/day, you can perform a disarm or sunder combat maneuver with a +4 competence bonus against an adjacent creature and a weapon it holds. If you succeed, the creature’s weapon is simultaneously damaged and disarmed, as though you had succeeded at both combat maneuvers simultaneously. If you exceed the target’s Combat Maneuver Defense by 10 or more, the target drops the items it is carrying in both hands, but you only sunder the weapon you initially targeted. If you don’t have either the Improved Disarm or Improved Sunder feat or a similar ability, this attempt provokes attacks of opportunity as normal; however, if you have one of the feats or a similar ability, this attempt does not provoke attacks of opportunity.

Alright I’ll admit, this is a... well, it’s not a complete letdown. It can be pretty good! Or, it would be better if it were attached to the Sentinel, rather than the caster-focused Exalted. And also if you could use it more than once. Needing to invest in Improved [X] (or at least Dirty Fighting) to avoid being slapped for your attempt to do something cool is also kind of a letdown. Now, I’ll admit, sundering at this level is very difficult to actually make viable, as most enemies you’ll face will have either enchanted weapons (which are very difficult to damage), skymetal weapons (again, difficult to damage), enchanted weapons made of skymetal (basically impossible to damage without one of your own), or no weapons at all (either because they use natural attacks, or use magic)... but that’s why this ability is also attached to disarm, which IS viable even at high levels, because knocking an enemy’s weapon from their hands and allowing an ally to pilfer it can render a great many foes impotent.

It does also require you to be adjacent to someone, though, which means you, the caster, must put yourself in arm’s reach of an enemy. And probably the BIGGEST weakness is that enemy CMD at levels 15+ can get ridiculous, so you’re going to have to focus at least part of your build on it, augmented by either spells or feats or, more than likely, both. The +4 bonus you get from Break the Anvil--which I have to admit is a really good name--is certainly some help here, but you’ll still need to build around it if you really want it to work.

--Patch Notes: Break the Anvil can now be done 3/day.

-------- SENTINEL --------

Boon 1: Master of Games. Gain True Strike 3/day, Bear’s Endurance 2/day, or Heroism 1/day.

It’s been one week and True Strike is still bad, even for the martial-focused Sentinel. Let’s just ignore that.

Bear’s Endurance is the weakest and least flexible of the ‘animal aspect’ spells, granting a +4 bonus to Con which translates to a whopping +2 HP per HD and +2 to Fortitude saves, and basically nothing else. It’s a bandage when someone’s suffering from disease or resisting a poison, and while it may occasionally save someone from being Blood Drained to death, it doesn’t justify taking Endurance over Heroism.

Heroism is a great buff to just use on yourself right before entering the final stretch of a dungeon, or even just after entering the front door. It’s a +2 bonus to attack rolls, skill checks, and most importantly saving throws and lasts for a tremendous 10 min/level, meaning it lasts two hours when you first get it and only rises from there. There’s no reason to take anything but Heroism, and little reason to not have it running the instant you enter hostile territory.

Boon 2: Reveal Frauds: You can, as an immediate action, activate Discern Lies as a spell-like ability. You can maintain this ability for a number of rounds per day equal to your Hit Dice, but these rounds do not have to be consecutive.

I had originally wished this ability had been granted to the Exalted instead... but a character going into Exalted likely started as a Cleric, so their Wisdom is probably already sky high and augmenting their Sense Motive to similarly heavenly levels. Thus, Sentinels gaining this power isn’t as bad as I initially thought, especially since it can be used as an immediate action in response to someone opening their lying gob to speak. Discern Lies doesn’t reveal the truth, nor will it ping you if the target is being evasive or changing the subject (such as by answering your question with a question of their own), so you have to keep on top of that. That being said, this ability has three advantages the vanilla spell sorely lacks which elevates it from ‘sometimes good’ to ‘indispensable:’

1) The lack of components means there’s absolutely no tell that you’re using this ability, aside from perhaps you focusing too hard on them. That means your target has no idea you’re using magic to read their speech; they may conclude you’re simply that good at reading their tells.

2) The casting time of “immediate action” means you can use it right when someone talks, rather than needing to prepare it beforehand. You can catch them in a falsehood without alerting them to the fact you’ve done anything supernatural.

3) The on-off nature of the ability means a hostage you’ve taken can’t simply wait out the duration of the spell. You can shut it off the instant they stop speaking and turn it back on when they start again; a canny caster may know the duration of the vanilla Discern Lies, but your version can be raised or lowered more or less at will.

While it won’t truly help you in a fight, this makes you an amazing interrogator, and not even necessarily a mean one! Just throw your arm around some badguy’s shoulder in the middle of a party or a bar and chat them up all friendly-like, sniffing their every word for a hint of falsehood. Sometimes, knowing what’s false helps narrow down what’s true.

--Patch Notes: None. Good as-is!

Boon 3: Unchained Savior 1/day as an immediate action, if an ally within 60 feet of you would normally take enough damage to fall unconscious or die, you can move to an adjacent space and intercept the killing blow, taking the damage in your ally’s place. If the attack would have inflicted any effects other than hit point damage, those effects are negated. If the damage would bring you to negative hit points, you are brought to 0 hit points instead, and the remaining damage is negated. Any attacks of opportunity you provoke by moving in this way are resolved after you take the damage from the intercepted blow; you take any damage from those attacks as normal.

Ohohoho, it’s been nearly two years since we’ve seen a Boon like this! Unlike Milani’s Martyrdom, though, this ability has a MUCH shorter range, a MUCH more restrictive activation condition (it only activates in response to damage!), and doesn’t save your life if you fall in the line of duty.

But you know what? It’s still a damn solid power. Your tankiness will absolutely allow you to survive a blow that could outright kill an ally of yours, but even if the attack COULD crunch you instantly, Unchained Savior flat out stops your HP from going below 0 from excess damage. 1000 damage, 100 damage, or even just 1 extra damage are all turned to Nothing as soon as your HP hits 0, AND this ability negates all extra effects from the attack, such as diseases, poisons, or additional spell effects. This, very importantly, means that even the dusting effects of Disintegrate and Destruction are negated!

Leap in the way of that 40d6 damage without fear! Well okay, SOME fear, since being dropped to 0 still means you’re unconscious. Unless you have Diehard or Ferocity. Y’know what? If your martial build doesn’t have Diehard, it probably should if you’re gonna walk around as an Unchained Savior! Just imagine the look on your enemy’s face when you tank their best shot and just keep coming.

Oh, also, since this power puts you adjacent to your ally, you’re probably now in slapping range with whatever attacked them in the first place. Draw your javelin and show them that you can give just as well as you take!

--Patch Notes: None! A 10/10 ability, Kurgess! Now if only you had this power while you were still a mortal, eh? Haha ... ha... ha... hwoof....

You can read more about him here.

[vaults-of-zin]

The Leadbelcher - How to Weaponise Carrying Capacity

What you'll need:

A level 6 goliath path of the totem barbarian with 20 strength.

At least two hirelings

A cannon

Part 1: Getting your carrying capacity insanely high

Carrying capacity is equal to 15x your strength score which is 300lbs.

Goliath's Powerful Build feature means they count as a size larger for the purpose of determining their carrying capacity and the weight you can push, drag, or lift. This brings us to 600 lbs. Bugbears, Firbolgs, Loxodons, Orcs and Centaurs are also totally viable for this build, I just felt Goliath was the most appropriate race. Next, at level 6 choose the Aspect of the Bear feature, which doubles your carrying capacity, this gives us 1200lbs or over half a ton.

There are other ways to enhance your carrying capacity even further like with magic items such as a Belt of Giant Strength, with spells like enlarge and enhance ability, the UA brawny feat, the druids wildshape, or a potion of growth. A max level barbarian can also reach 24 strength which allows us to reach 1440lbs. Consider using any combination of these if you need the extra strength but for our purposes today 1200lbs is all we need.

Part 2: Gear up

The DMG description of a cannon (pg.255) is pretty vague and doesn't give a weight. Cannons, historically have come in all shapes and sizes. The term cannon can encompass anything from a monster like the Tsar Cannon to handheld firearms. However I think I'd be correct in assuming that most of us envision the things sticking out of the side of pirate ships when we hear the word cannon.Which is great because a Royal Navy 18-pounder carronade weighs only 1,176 lb.

Anyway TLDR: Yes we can totally wield a cannon

Incidentally here's a great picture I found during my wikipedia research

Part 3: The Crew

Now one of the biggest drawbacks of the cannon, like other siege weapons, takes a separate action to load, aim and fire, so a crew of at least 3 is needed to fire a cannon once per turn. That's where the hirelings come in. Just point the cannon where it needs to be and leave the loading and firing to them. In fact, since the average kobold only weighs 40lbs, with a boost to your strength you could perch two koblold hirelings on your shoulders, like so:

Part 4: Get Blasting

Once we've got all our stuff together we can get blasting. Cannons deal 8d10 damage per shot, that's 44 on average. Cover is barly an inconvenience since this weapon is designed to blast through castle walls. Cannons have an innate +6 to hit so you don't need to rely on a high dex score. Plus they have an absurdly long range of 600/2400ft. That's almost half a mile. There's nothing on a typical battlemap that's outside your range. If you engaged at max range it would take a character with 30ft of movement 40 turns of dashing to reach you. Even if they do, your a level 6 barbarian so unlike other ranged builds melee combat shouldn't be a problem.

Part 5: Upgrading this Build 

As great as the leadbelecher is there's a couple of things we can add to make it that bit better.

Bag of Holding: Essential for storing ammunition and gunpowder if you're getting close to the limit of your carrying capacity. Can hold about 25 18-pound shots plus some gunpowder. Eliminating the need for a wagon of pack mules.

Summonable Crew:: The hirelings are the Achilles heel point of this build. Consider replacing them with familiars, summoned creatures, animated objects or undead so they can be easily replaced.

Tavern Brawler Feat: Not essential but thematically appropriate. Improvised weapon proficiency means we can just whack melee opponents with our cannon.

Unseen Servant: in conjunction with a familiar means you can summon a crew with only two first level spells.

Sharpshooter Feat: Also works great on this build for obvious reasons.

Haste: Gives us an extra action each turn, great for if our crew dies and we need to solo it.

Loxodon: Remember when said Loxodons where also viable? Well they also have the Trunk feature which allows them to make simple actions with their trunk. Which could reasonably include firing up a cannon. So with that plus haste we could go totally solo with no need for a crew.

[jamiebluewind]

Charatcter Descriptions and Summary 2.15

This is the "short" version of descriptions. I have a much MUCH longer one with lots of quotes that I might have to split up to fit. As always, let me know if I need to edit or add anything and tag/ask/PM me about art and stories so I can check them out!

Warning: multiple blood mentions, torture, imprisonment, violence, stabbing, gun violence, canon typical violence, injuries, burns, homophobia and bigotry, gore mention, horror (including body horror), beheading, violence against animals, 69 mention, and disrespecting a mummy

***

Bad Kids

Fabian

Fandrangor stats: +2 to attack and damage. Finesse, one handed. 1d8 piercing. Burn a spell slot on a sucessful hit to add an extra d6 of damage per level.

Wrapped Alistair's foot in his sheet to trip and flip him up before deeply stabbing him in the abdomen

Held his sheet out to further protect Adaine.

Slashed Dayne with a reposte (while also burning a 1st level spell slot on his sword) as he yelled "Toxic masculinity is dead! I dance now!"

Closed in on Penelope using an athletics check that involved jumping and running across the deck. His mobile flourish pushed her to the edge of the deck before he kicked her off the ship.

Took out Alistair and Penelope (details in their section)

Stood at the helm after Bill fell off, turning the ship over due to the gravity being off

Riz

Hissed at Vraz

Got so sweaty and nervous over a terrible line ("You attacked the wrong guy!") that he missed the greesers

Shot Dayne from hiding while saying "You missed spring break" before hiding again (Fabian responding "Classic The Ball. Always shooting from hiding").

Had no clue where his father actually was, telling Bill the little thathe knew.

Got sleepy while he was hiding

Was shot out of the cannon and blasted off into the city (taking some damage). Shouted "I'm the ball!" as he flew away before smashing through a dark red and black stained glass window 200 feet below the ship, tumbling into a strangly familiar building. The room was empty due to all the devils hearing the alarms and fleeing. He rushed down a familar dark hallway.

Witnessed his father being tortured and saying that he didn't care about his son, but still misty steped into the room with the unconscious Pok the minute the devils left.

Tried to scoop his dad up into his Briefcase of Holding, but the two barbed devils came back (snarling as they saw him), one grabbing his briefcase and the other grappling Riz to restrain him. He kept trying to save Pok anyway even while restrained and fought against the devils over his briefcase (see Pok area for more)

Kristen

Rolled up sleeves over Daybreak attacking Tracker

Walked up to Daybreak with anger in her veins (over him hurting Tracker), said "Hi Daybreak. It's so great to see you. I've been PRAYING FOR YOU!", and slammed her staff down, using distructive wave. Light radiated out of her as every enemy was hit but Penelope (due to Globe of Invulnerability) and Johnny Spells and took out 3 Scarecrows. She then spat on Daybreak which hisses on his cheek as he yelled "Ah! Love! Love wins!"

Was knocked out by Daybreak and was back in Silvar looking at a nice tree

Used a 4th level mass healing word before her and Tracker dimension doored away from Daybreak

Adaine

Arcane Hand works like a claw machine with a controler in her hands

While prone, shot a lightning bolt at Dayne, Penelope, and a Scarecrow (after counterspelling Penelope's counterspell). Took out the Scarecrow.

Hit Daybreak with a 4th level Cromatic Orb (cold damage).

Smacked Johnny's fire spell out of the air with a counterspell after calling him "a predator who didn't fuck" and then ignored Johnny completely to go after Daybreak by hitting him with a 4th level (cold) chromatic orb

Used Forceful Hand to grab Bill to keep him from falling (two of the devils stayed grapped to Bill)

Fig

Tried to shake Gilear awake

Fig The Unfaethable

Her insignia burned in her head when she used psionic blast (took out two Scarecrows)

Winked at Ayda

Used Healing Word on Kristen

Attacked Daybreak with Bombing Blade (adds bardic for extra and if he moves willinging before her next turn he takes thunder damage)

Took out Daybreak (details in his section)

Was tossed by Gorgug towards a plummeting Bill like a missile before backpacked onto Bill, snatching a scroll from Vraz's pocket (Vraz: No no no no no! / Bill: What's yours is ours.), and Dimension Dooring back to the ship with Bill.

Gorgug

Stood over Kristen's unconscious body to protect her

Used Reckless Attack twice on Daybreak, the first time dealing 50 damage and the second time ("I'm just so tired of you") another 48 damage.

Took out Dayne (details in his section) and two Scarecrows

Grabbed some holy oil to take with him to coat his weapon with.

***

Familiars and Companions

Boggy: Hit by Penelope's Cone of Cold which caused him to freeze, crack, and fall apart (can be brought back by Adaine)

Gaf: Made incorporial by Ayda to protect him/her/them during the battle

Baby: Was made invisible by Fig. Tried to pickpocket Vraz, but just got a scrap of some kind. Did a very indecent celebration dance while invisible (when Penelope was "killed").

Hangman: Freaked out over seeing Johnny before siding with Fabian. Leapt to attack Johnny Spells, but couldn't make it and settled for slamming into the greeser Sorching Ray. Frozen and knocked down by Penelope's Cone of Cold.

Hirelings and Partners

Tracker

Stayed behind on Goldenrod

Held up a hand with her holy symbol to summon Twilight Sanctuary (gives everyone a d8 of temp hit which they can choose to replace or keep each round).

Cast Beacon of Hope

Knocked out by Penelope's Cone of Cold (which also ended her two spells)

Hit Kristen with a max level cure wounds, yeling at everyone to look away as she jumped onto an unconscious Kristen who was lying between Gorgug's legs (Kristen started touching his leg thinking it's Tracker's). Everyone assumed they were 69ing, but Tracker actually just gave Kristen a very sweet kiss on the mouth and said "Double clerics baby. Nobody can keep us down for long."

Went into flying wolf form to catch Kristen when she fell off the ship.

Ragh

Took out two Scarecrows, goring one before tossed them the ship and spartan kicking the other off the deck.

Ran up to a prone Dayne chanting hoot growl and yelled "I've done a lot of shit in my life because of you asshole!" as he bodied into him (nat 20).

Walked up to Fabian and Gorgug crying after Dayne was killed.

Instigated a three way chest bump with Fabian and Gorgug, not noticing Adaine who was forced to duck ("Oh god! The jocks are being fiesty!")

Was yelled at by Daybreak which he used as an opportunity to confront Daybreak both verbally and physically.

Ayda

Cast a spell that poured out massive amounts of water over Avernus in an attempt to flood hell (in retaliation for them taking Fig) before checking on Fig

Touched both of Fig's arms as she checked if she was okay before casting Protection From Evil And Good on her.

Flew off Goldenrod to help Sandra Lynn protect the ship from incoming fire by throwing up abjurative wards, but came back and landed on the deck before the ship left Avernus.

Flew towards Daybreak and Penelope, teleporting multiple times per second to create a flickering group of 10 of her before slashing out with her talons to damage them both.

Cast clairvoyance to find Riz, pointing at the building he was in.

Used her portent to save Fabian when Goldenrod lost gravity (allowing him to hold on) before flying to catch Adaine.

Sandra Lynn

Left the Goldenrod to cover their tail, doing a swan dive off deck (which looked likes she flew up from the upside down deck) and landing on Baxter before knocking a teleportation missile out of sky with her arrow.

Smashed back down onto the deck with Baxter before healing a down Tracker (Kristen: Thank you Sandra Lynn!)

Hit Daybreak with arrows.

Jumped on Baxter when the ship lost gravity and went to help catch Kristen.

Gilear

Was immediately killed by Bill Seacaster who shot him in the chest.

Brought back by Kristen with 1 hp, a bleeding chest wound, and covered in cenders and fire

Was told by Gorgug (who stood in front of him) to lie on the ground

Hid in the golden sarcophagus (somehow lifting the massive lid to do so)

***

The Pirates

The Goldenrod

The still "living" transmogrified body of Kalvaxus turned into a flying ship against his will

Kalvaxus has to swallow down the cannon coming from his mouth to talk and turning always hurts him

Shot by Bill for calling himself a boat instead of a ship

Captained by Bill Seacaster, crewed by cender zombie pirates, and the flagship of Bill's rebel armada of dragon carcus ships

The ship has it's own gravity and can sail in any direction (including upside down), but the unsecured barrels on deck are a hazard during fast turns.

Able to breached through to Dis, Bill having some way to travel through the levels that the other devils couldn't find

Broadsided The Iron City, firing tons of gold, holy water, and saints finger bones wrapped in old parchment out of it's cannons.

Captain Bill Seacaster

An enormous devil with one cender eye, a devil bone hook, and a floating skull and crossbones insignia over his head

At the helm of Goldenrod after rescuing Riz, Fig, Gilear, Hangman, and Baby/Wretchrot (via being yanked up on rope ladders to the Goldenrod).

Part of his multi level marketing scheme was to have pirates steal holy relics for spell slots and then use the holy relics as ammo against other devils and their ships.

Shot Gilear throught the chest on sight

Got a chain wrapped around his neck by Kystrona

After Gilear was brought back to life by Kristen, he said nice things to Gilear and gave him a massive glowing sword (which was too big for Gilear to wield). The bad kids were all deeply confused by how quickly he went from one extreme to another.

Offered Kristen snuff powder

Ordered his crew to shoot Riz out of a cannon to "help" him look for Pok

As his hook hand was stabbing into one of the three devils he was fighting, he took a legendary action to shake his fist and yell "That's my darling boy!" over Fabian "killing" Penelope. He corrected himself to yell "He's his own his darling man boy!"

When the gravity on the Goldenrod was dispelled, he told Fabian to take the helm before letting go on purpose, taking the three other devils with him (rescued by Adaine and Fig).

Alistair Ash

An intern on the Goldenrod

Skull is cracked open like an egg with part of it fully missing. Inside the socket is roiling fire. His eyes are rotted out, the fire shining through his sockets.

Attacked Fabian exclusively due to being left behind by him

How he was finished off: Fabian stood up, his body very bloody and burned from the beating he's took. Fire enshrouded his sheet as he wrapped Alistair in it in order to spin him like a top. As Alistair twirled in the air, the Hangman hit him in a flash. As Alistair popped of the wheel of the Hangman, Fabian took out Fandrangor (which was rippling with his own inner light and magic) and pierced Alistair's ribcage up through his heart. Silver motes of light burst out of Alistair's mouth, "eyes", and the empty socket of his skull. Bill cried a single tear out of his non ember eye as he said "It be beau-ti-ful". Fabian told his father "I'm my own man now." to which Bill answered "The story keeps getting better!" Meanwhile, Alistair changed his opinion on Fabian, seeing him as chosen one and (since he had to die for Fabian to become who he was) himself as chosen in a way. Fabian asked if Chungle Down Bim was still alive, but Alistair only yelled "He's gonna shit in your mouth!" before being destroyed. One of the many bottles on Bill's belt filled with a red mist that was Alistair, now even more in debt to Bill with another 2000 gold added to his tab to bring him back in another form later.

Cinder Pirates

The crew of the Goldenrod, most (if not all) of which being victims of Bill's pyramid scheme

Assended from ropes to their respective ships after raiding The Bottomless Pit, yoinking up crates and boxes filled with treasure (like books and weaponry) as they went.

Loaded the cannons of The Goldenrod with holy relics, books, golden reliquaries, holy water, and even the body of a dead saint (who was unceremoniously dumped out of his golden sarcophagus). All the relics almost looked like they were from other worlds.

Bill doesn't do the best job putting his followers back together, so most are in worse shape than Alistair. One was missing his entire jaw!

Most were finished off by Penelope's Cone of Cold

***

Bill's Pursuers

Devil Crafts

Iron zeppelins piloted by devils in pursuit of Seacaster.

Shoot ground to air missiles that shot spinning pentagrams of fire teleportation that glowed when they hit, teleporting in reinforcements.

Vraz The Mean, Lorzug The Impaled, and Kystrona The Chained

All appeared through a dimension door at the helm of the ship before the three devils began fighting Bill.

Vraz (after Fig denied a direct order) released all warlocks under Gortholax by making all his contracts null and void.

All of them (including Bill) do tramendous amounts of fire and poison damage, but all of them (including Bill) are immune to fire and poison, so the fight devolved into a bunch of very dangerous people who can't hurt each other just slapping the hell out of each other.

***

Greesers

Johnny Spells

Appeared via teleportation missile with his crew

Roiling in flame with veins glowing in a red light, using a snap comb to brush his hair back and wearing a black leather jacket with a clean white tee.

Hit Fabian with Ray of Fire and then was IMMEDIATELY tossed off the starboard side of the ship by Adaine using her Arcane Hand.

Was saved by Kystrona (via animate chain) before he fell to his "death"

Spent an entire turn to get back on the ship only to have his fire spell dismissed by Adaine.

How he was finished off: Flew off the ship (again) when it lost gravity, saying "No! I had stuff. I had plans. I had-" as he fell to his "death".

Johnny's Crew

Six teiflings greasers who appeared via teleportation missile wearing black leather jackets with clean white tees.

Two trampled over a dead Gilear to get to the teens.

How they were finished off: One was gored by Ragh before being tossed off the ship, one was spartan kicked off the deck by Ragh, two were killed by Gorgug, and two were destroyed by Fig's psionic blast

***

Harvestmen & Friends

Penelope Everpetal

Got to Goldenrod via teleportation missile with Dayne, Daybreak, and four Scarecrow Harvestmen.

Had sunken deep pools of darkness for eyes. She wore a burnt prom queen dress. Jagged shards of metal were stabbed into her skull like a crown (which caused blood to trickle down).

Was protected from magic most of the fight due to casting Globe Of Invulnerability

Stepped forward with a corny line ("Oh I'm so sorry guys. It's time to chill out.") before casting Cone of Cold which took out Tracker, Boggy, Hangman, and most of Bill's crew.

Was knocked off the ship by Fabian and fell down into the sky over the Iron City of Dis, shreaking and wailing as she went. Saved herself by using Misty Step to get back to the ship.

How she was finished off...

Penelope: *appeared in a twirl of magic and hit Fabian with a Firebolt, knocking him down to 4HP* I'm so sorry that you had like... some sort of collapse and appear to be fighting with a blanket now, but I just wanna tell you something. We are gonna drag you and all your shitty stupid little- what? Bad kid friends to hell. Forever.

Fig: I actually already live here. I'm an arch devil.

Fabian: Yeah! Did you hear that? She already lives here!

Kalvaxus: Again if we [re con noise] it later. This fight seems mostly lost. Use reason!

Penelope: Now. It's time for you to go bye bye Fabian *starts casting another spell*

Fabian: (crit, mobile florish, plus 2nd level spell slot with Fandrangor) *throws up his sheet so it blocks her field of vision (like how people trick their pets) and then grabs her and tango swing dancing spins her off the ship as she yells and is destroyed as motes of silver light shoot out*

Dayne Blade

Burning ember flaming vains with a hellish gleam to his eyes

Doesn't know how long he's been there

How he was finished: Begged Gorgug to not "kill" him due to him being an Owlbear, but was ignored. He tried once more, saying "Dude dude dude we're both Owlbears!" but Gorgug simply answered "You're not an Owlbear anymore" before he chopped off Dayne head. Gorgug then pretended his head was a ball and that he was going for a pass.

Coach Daybreak

Burning ember flaming vains with a hellish gleam to his eyes, a whistle, a silvered halberd, and regenerating health

Aggressively targeted Tracker and Kristen (even as Gorgug literally stood over Kristen) and knocked Kristen out at one point

Yelled "No!" while flames shot out of his ears at the thought of ending toxic masculinity

Freaked out over Gorgug being an Owlbrear

Not a true devil, just a soul trapped in hell that was powerful enough in life to fight for the devils, punished to never understand why he was there (Brennan "He cannot find peace, but he can find you").

How he was finished: Daybreak shouted "I'm gonna kill you all. All of you deserve to be here, not me. I was a holy man! *points to Fig* YOU ARE A LITERAL ARCH DEVIL!" Fig answered "Yeah bitch it's fun!" before she used a 4th level psionic blast on him. He screamed as he was knocked off the ship and eviscerated by both Fig's psionic blast and the after effects of her booming blade* (Fig also steals his visage)

Scarecrow Men

The transfigured bodies of four former harvestmen who died

Burnt charred skin, flannel button up shirts, and heads of burlap sacks with scarcrow eyes, which were slightly aflame

How they were finished off: one was killed by Adaine's lightning bolt and the other three were gone in a flash of light by Kristen's destructive wave

***

Dis and Pok

Iron City of Dis

Choking smoke and freezing rain

Endless sprawling cast iron metropolis of dread, misery, and torture

Alarms (clacksaws I think Brennan said?) rang as the devils shouted "It's Seacaster!"

The city was lit up by Goldenrod (while the other ships in the armada caught up)

Building Holding Pok

At least one dark red and black stained glass window (which Riz crashed through). The room within was empty due to all the devils hearing the alarms and fleeing.

Dark hallway leading to a light coming out from under a closed doorway. A slightly ajar door was next to it and a possible third door with steal thrones was next to that. The slightly ajar door had a somewhat reflective marble wall (where a reflection of Pok could be seen from the hall) and a two way mirror that showed an interrogation room.

Pok

A goblin who was strapped to a chair and had a swolen eye. A pit fiend also splashed acid in his face

Was interrogated by a pit fiend flanked by two barbed devils

Kept a good poker face around the devils, at one point was snarling and growling as he had (what appeared to be) a goblinoid frenzy come over him

Was lacerated by barbed whips handled by the barbed devils until he collapsed, asking why he was there as he coughed up blood and appeared to go unconscious.

Shot both barbed devils in the head with his gun (which he picked off of Riz) as they were restraining Riz

Reached up and slapped his right ear to call for an extraction as a halo appeared behind his head. He reached out to grab Riz (Kid, I can't believe you made it here) before a beam of celestial light smashed through the ceiling. He confirmed that he was an undercover angel before raising his fist up in a superman pose as the beam made a loud sound and took the pair away.

***

Questions and Thoughts

How does Lorzug move, much less fight?

Fig shouldn't have told Vraz to eat her ass. She might have taken her up on it and tried to take a bite out of her ass. O_O

What IS a potentate?

How will Fig use her warlock abilities after being released? Was her insignia burning in her forehead how she's still able to do it?

Is Dayne's curse to never know how long he's been there?

How short is Adaine that our three Owlbears (all over 6 feet tall) didn't notice her when they went in for a three way chest bump?

Destructive Wave is the power of pissed off protective girlfriend energy.

When Kristen was knocked out, she was back in Silvar looking at a nice tree. Possible connection to the unknown goddess?

Adaine still has Johnny's warlock switchblade comb.

Will we get updated Pok art now?

Where is Riz now and how will he get back in time? Was this Kalina's plan all along (blow Pok's cover and delay the party longer to give them more of a lead)?

I am well aware that I spelled Alistair several different ways because I have no clue how to spell it and don't have it on my list of how I might spell it.

Please somebody teach Bill how to not suck at making bodies. I mean, I'm over here feeling sorry for those cinder zombies and between the crippling debt and unpaid internships, he could at LEAST give them working bodies with jaws and stuff.

Really paying attention made the 69 scene so much funnier and makes Ayda's confusion over it being a sex act so much more priceless. The couple was fully clothed, Kristen caressed Gorgug's leg while she was unconscious and being healed by Tracker, and (according to Brennan) Tracker just gave Kristen a sweet kiss. Part of me wonders if Tracker was messing with the group while Kristen came to thinking something dirty happened and just went with it, the other teens too inexperienced to know otherwise (save Ayda who must be so confused! XD).

The uselessness of Johnny Spells was one of my favorite parts of the stream.

Anybody else super happy Bill was so supportive of Fabian coming into his own, being supportive of his friends, and embracing dance?

Bill/Vraz. Nuff said.

[jeanjauthor]

This thread and its comments, writers, is the other side of equestrian / horse-owner life.  Doesn’t matter the era.  If they had a horse that needed to be clipped/trimmed, this would happen.  Plus even if you were living in primitive times, your horse sheds in the springtime, and that hair gets everywhere.

Using a brush, a comb, or even just a prickly burr to groom the hairs out of your horse’s post-winter coat, is a necessity if you want to make sure your horse is well-cared for.  (Grooming allows the owner / rider to check for cuts, insects, etc.)  Getting covered in horse hair...is 100% part of the territory.

And unless your character ise so wealthy that they have a groomsman (stablehand) or other horse-handling servant riding with them everywhere they go...your character will have to spend time caring for that horse every single day.  Grooming, feeding, checking for stones in the frog of the hoof, etc, etc, on top of feeding and cleaning up after them when they’re stabled in the barn, etc.

For D&D campaigns...if you have a horse, and you’re going to go explore a dungeon, a cave, etc...it’s wisest to bring a henchman / hireling to stay in camp and care for any such animals.  It’s super-wise to give them instructions about how long to wait before going for help if your explorations take too long...but mostly it’s all about an animal’s well-being.

Remember, in medieval settings, horses (and other such steeds / beasts of burden, such as donkeys, mules, llamas, alpacas, camels, elephants, etc, etc, etc) are not cheap.  You will want to take care of them!

They may be status symbols, but they are not 100% glamorous all the time...unless it’s an enchanted statue or enchanted bridle that summons a non-living facsimile of a steed.  (Which, frankly, is one of the easiest ways to get around all of this...but your horse-loving horse-owning horse-grooming readers will respect you more if you include some mentions or moments of actual equestrian care in your stories.)

[pb1138]

A Reunion, Chapter 4

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 5

Cassandra didn’t see Varric until the next evening. There were only a handful of people in the Great Hall today, Varric at his table and a few workers redoing some of the flooring. She walked over to him and cleared her throat. “I am surprised to find you alone, Varric.”

He glanced up at her, his quill still scribbling away. “The Inquisitor asked to talk to Hawke about Corypheus.”

“That is most practical.” She hesitated before gesturing at the seat beside him. “May I sit?”

He gestured to it with his unused hand, brow knit in concentration. She sat and allowed him to finish whatever he was working on, which only took a few minutes. Once he set his quill down, he sat back with a sigh and looked at her. “So, can I assume you’re here for more of the story?”

“I could come back later if you—” She started to stand but stopped when Varric held up his hand.

“No, no. This is good actually. Hawke doesn’t like talking about the Deep Roads. It just upsets her.”

“I would imagine it does, if what you told me the first time was true.”

“It was, but there’s a little more to it.”

Xxxx The Deep Roads xxxX

They made good headway into the Roads before they came across a caved-in route. Varric offered the four of them up to find another route, which Bartrand allowed. The rising hostility from him hadn’t escaped neither Varric’s nor Hawke’s notice. As they scouted ahead, she fell back to walk beside him, Fenris and Carver clearing the way ahead of them.

“So Bartrand seems a pleasant fellow.” Her tone was light, cheery, a stark difference than when she speaks to her brother. With Carver, she sounds drained, tired, annoyed, and he can’t say he’d blame her.

He snorted. “Not a word I would’ve chosen. But something’s up. He’s being a bigger ass than usual.”

She sighed wistfully. “Maybe he’s fallen madly in love with me but knows my heart is a prize ne’er obtained, and as such he is acting out in an attempt to distance himself from me and my affable nature.”

Varric chuckled. “The day Bartrand has a pleasant feeling is the day I grow a beard.”

They both snorted, catching the attention of the others. Carver rolled his eyes and pushed ahead, though Fenris’s gaze lingered on Hawke. She didn’t notice, however, as she adjusted her pack on her back. Varric studied the way the elf looked at their friend, and a pang of jealousy hit him. Confusion was fast to replace it, because since when was Varric the jealous type? Since when was he jealous regarding Hawke? Fenris looked back ahead, and Varric settled down, pocketing that new piece of information for detailed study at a later date.

Clearing his throat, he stuffed his hands in his coat pockets. “So, never, huh? What, is Bartrand not your type?”

“Unfortunately for him, no.” She halted for a moment and leaned down to her hair up into a high ponytail, securing it in place with a red ribbon made of silk. He waited for her, the others not noticing their pause.

“What is, then?”

“Hm?” She looked at him, her exhaustion becoming evident in her eyes. It had been nearly two weeks since they left, and still she had barely slept. Down here in the Deep Roads, she was beginning to look something of a ghost.

He nudged her as they walked. “Your type. What’s your type? Tall, dark, and handsome? Scrawny and stupid? Foreign princes with eyes as clear as ice, jawlines for days, and exotic accents?”

She laughed, giving his shoulder a playful shove. “Maker’s breath, Varric. We’ve spoken to that guy maybe twice! He’s pretty, yeah, but,” she sighed wistfully, her tone lamenting, “he’s married to the Maker. How can I possibly compete with that?” The two of them chuckled, and she took a drink from her canteen. “No, I don’t really have a type if I’m honest. I like anyone and everyone. Just not assholes like Bartrand.” She raised her voice. “I’ve already got one angry shit in my life who won’t leave, I don’t need another.”

Carver scoffed and threw up his middle finger over his shoulder. “I love you, too, sweet sister of mine.”

“Anyone and everyone, huh?” Varric chuckled, nodding thoughtfully. “That explains The Blooming Rose, then.”

“Hey, don’t judge. Serendipity and I have a special bond. She takes care of me.” She laughed once, softly. “But, alas. I’ve no love in my life. There is this one guy I’m pretty interested in, but I don’t think it’ll go anywhere.”

The jealousy was back, stabbing him in the gut. What in the Maker’s name was going on with him? “Oh? What gives you that impression?”

She made a point of trying to look invested in the stalactites hanging overhead. “He’s still hung up on his ex pretty badly.”

His…ex? She couldn’t mean him, could she? His heart fluttered at the thought, but before he could think of a teasingly witty remark, an arrow flew past their heads, and they were thrown into yet another fight against Darkspawn.

Varric hadn’t found another opportunity to continue their conversation, though he certainly hadn’t forgotten it. They’d found a way around pretty easily, the most trouble being a cavern full of dragonlings and a rather large dragon. Hawke had taken a bad hit to the shoulder, and without Anders there, she would have to handle the pain. Even potions weren’t enough to cure it completely, and despite her brave face, everyone seemed to see how badly it was bothering her. They’d started guarding her better, flanking her from all sides, and Fenris even insisted he carry her satchel despite her protestations.

They arrived at the thaig a day later, and nobody knew quite what to make of it. Bartrand was bewildered, confused, and Hawke was mostly in awe. Varric couldn’t blame her. He’d never been in a thaig before, but he’d seen renderings and drawings of them, heard stories.

Bartrand and the hirelings were busy exploring the main cavern, studying the strange red spires and the like.

“Let’s scout ahead, see what else this place might have in store for us.” Hawke shouldered her staff and grinned lazily at her companions.

Fenris frowned. “You are still injured, Hawke. Perhaps it would be best if we remained with the group.”

“Indeed, Sister. The last thing we need is you falling in battle. I’ll not be responsible for telling Mother I let you die.” Carver sneered at his sister.

She sighed and rubbed her face. “I’m fine, honestly. Maker knows I wouldn’t dream of leaving our poor mother at your mercy.”

He rolled his eyes but didn’t snip back, surprising them all.

“Well then. Let’s go see what dusty treasures we can find, eh?” Varric beamed at his friends.

On their way out of the main cavern, Hawke stopped and exchanged her random tidbits and treasures for potions from Bodahn. They talked for a while, Bodahn thanking them once again for finding Sandal, and though Hawke was a sarcastic person by nature, she was genuinely polite and almost pleased to speak with them. As they walked away, Hawke patted Sandal on the shoulder and gave him a cocky grin.

They halted at the top of a staircase and pondered the potential of a room not far away. It was pretty much unanimous that there would be nothing of true value, but it was worth a peak. They hadn’t made it more than six or seven steps before some 10 Shades appeared and began to attack them. Varric took up position in front of Hawke to help protect her as her casting was much slower than usual. Fenris and Carver flanked the horde, each of them sparing no expense. Just when it seemed that the fight was nearly over, a statue a few feet to Varric’s left came to life, though neither he nor Hawke seemed to notice it. With one fell sweep of its huge arm, the two of them were thrown against the far wall as if they weighed nothing more than feathers. Fireworks burst in front of Varric’s eyes, and though he could see what was happening before him, the images held no meaning, no significance. It took him a long moment to regain his senses. Fenris and Carver were both fighting with nearly all their strength against the monstrosity, and Varric groaned. It took him another moment to realize there were no spells being cast, no thunderstorms being summoned, no fireballs thrown, nothing.

“Hawke?” He coughed as he sat up, his whole body burning with pain. Panic began to well in him as he looked around, and when he finally spotted her a few feet away, he almost couldn’t breathe. Crawling over to where she lay, he looked her over for injuries. “Hawke?” Her head was bleeding from the back, but she was breathing if barely.

The sound of fighting behind him died out, and within seconds the others were sliding over on their knees to assess their fallen leader. Fenris dug in his satchel and pulled out a potion, ripping the cork out with his teeth. Wordlessly, Varric helped adjust her so she might be able to drink, and Fenris poured the thick liquid down her throat.

“Damnit, Sister, you’d better wake up, or so help me I’ll kill you.” Carver’s fists were clenched at his sides. As much as the two of them hated one another, some small part of them did love the other, somewhere way deep down.

They all waited on bated breath. Over the course of a few minutes, the bleeding stopped, and her breathing evened out. With a collective sigh, they relaxed, and Fenris and Carver both began to tend to their own wounds. Varric stayed by her side and took her hand in his. Under his breath, he sighed, “Always keeping us on edge, aren’t you?”

“Someone has to.” Her voice was weak, as was the smile that ghosted across her face. She turned to look up at him but winced.

“No, don’t move. You’ll just hurt yourself more.” He chuckled, more out of relief than anything else.

She sighed but obliged, dropping her head back to the ground. He helped coax another potion into her, and they watched as Fenris and Carver bickered over the proper way to bind a particular wound. “What a bunch of old biddies,” she whispered. The two of them snickered, and Fenris and Carver both turned to them bewildered which only made them laugh harder. Hawke held her side, obviously in pain, but for some reason that just urged her to laugh harder. Once they settled down, she was nearly crying, but her spirits seemed lifted. They sat in a circle for a while, sharing a loaf of bread among the four of them, Hawke drinking another potion. They talked about small things—what the thaig had in store, how shitty Bartrand is, what they would do with any money they found, and it was peaceful and happy. Even Carver seemed to have pulled the stick out of his ass for a while, and it was almost possible to imagine the two Hawkes as loving siblings. Almost.

Once Hawke felt well enough to walk, they returned to their mission and entered the new section of the thaig. It was remarkably well preserved, barely a scratch in the tall walls. Hawke had taken to using her old staff as a walking cane, a soft “tink” of metal on stone echoing off the walls around them, her newer, fancier staff hanging off her back.

They came to a new antechamber, large, sharp stalactites hanging precariously from the ceiling, a side wall blown through from a cave-in.

“I think there’s a chest or something up those steps.” Hawke gestured with her staff ahead of them and looked at Varric.

He nodded and adjusted Bianca on his back. “I think you just might be right. Let’s go.” He led them up the stairs but paused. It wasn’t a chest. It was a stone slab, and upon it lay an idol of some sort. He walked over to it. “You see what I’m seeing?”

“Is that…lyrium?”

“It doesn’t look like any kind of lyrium I’ve ever seen.” He turned behind him to where his brother had just entered the room. “Look at this, Bartrand. An idol made out of pure lyrium, I think. Could be worth a fortune.”

Batrand whistled. “You could be right. An excellent find.” Something was off in his voice, but Varric thought nothing of it.

Hawke went to pick up the idol and it sparked and glowed beneath her touch. “Not bad. We’ll take a look around, see if there’s anything further in.” Hawke tossed it to Varric, and a strange sensation flowed through his body, a warmth unlike any he’d felt before. Reluctantly, he turned and tossed it to Bartrand, and the warmth was gone.

Bartrand looked at the idol with a strange glint in his eyes and turned towards the door. “You do that,” he growled beneath his breath.

Varric turned back to Hawke and began to say something when she looked towards the door. Her eyes went wide. “The door!” The four of them ran to try to catch the door from closing, Hawke sliding down the banister to make haste, but to no avail. The resounding thud of the stone sliding into place echoed all throughout the chamber.

“Bartrand! It’s shut behind you!” Varric joined Hawke to try to heave the stone back.

From the other side of the door, they could hear Bartrand’s sinister chuckling. “You always did notice everything, Varric.”

Hawke and Varric shared a look, concern written across her face as she leaned on her staff. Bewildered, Varric thumped his fist against the stone. “Are you joking? You’re going to screw over your own brother for a lousy idol?”

“It’s not just the idol! The location of this thaig alone is worth a fortune, and I’m not splitting that three ways.” There was a pause, and for just a moment Varric thought he could hear a sort of ethereal whispering before Bartrand called, “Sorry, Brother.”

“Bartrand!” He punched the door again, voice rising to an angry yell, “BARTRAND!” But he was gone. “I swear I will find that son of a bitch—sorry, Mother—I will kill him!” Sighing, he pinched the bridge of his nose and turned towards his friends. “Let’s hope there’s a way out of here.”

“Well, we’re in it now. This all part of your plan, Sister?” Carver scowled at Hawke, his arms crossed over his chest.

She scoffed at him, leaning forward on her staff. “Yes, Carver, this was all part of an intricate plan. Cave-ins and injuries and golums and betrayal, yes, absolutely. What, do you want me to apologize for not giving you the program beforehand? Well, just to be clear, I am fully expecting to come across at least a few demons and darkspawn before we reach the surface. Gasp. I know! It’s insane!” She glared daggers at him, hand sparkling where she held herself upright. “I don’t know what it is you want from me, Carver, but go look for it over there.” She gestured with her hand towards the back exit. He shook his head at her, teeth and fists clenched before he spun on his heel and stormed his way up the stairs.

Fenris did better to hide his anger at the situation than Carver had. He turned and followed the younger Hawke with a heavy sigh. Hawke looked down at Varric, her brow knit in concern. She reached over and put her hand on his shoulder. “I’m sorry, Varric. About Bartrand. And Carver, but mostly Bartrand.”

He looked up at her, into her crystal eyes, and part of him softened at the regret he saw there. He patted her hand and did his best to offer her a smile, though he knew it wasn’t quite all there. “No, Bells, I’m sorry. I’m the one who dragged you down here.”

She snorted, and the two of them set off. “Varric, you couldn’t drag me anywhere if you tried.” The two of them shared an empty laugh as they climbed the stairs.

Xxx

The path back to the surface was long, but after the rock wraiths it was almost no problem. In truth, the worst part was carrying all the gold they’d taken. About a week from the surface, they were sitting around a small campfire in a cave off the main road. Fenris had managed to find a small nug warren about an hour ago and now a rather large one was currently roasting over the fire while Fenris sat in the corner, cleaning and salting the carcasses of two others to make jerky.

They were laughing over some joke Varric had told, Hawke holding her healing side. Carver was the first to catch his breath again, and he moved to adjust the nug in the fire. “Garrett would’ve loved that one.” Hawke’s laughter cut out as if he’d punched her. Carver, for once, seemed to realize he said something wrong because he grimaced. “Sorry,” he mumbled.

She didn’t say anything, moving her legs out in front of her. Varric quirked an eyebrow at the newfound tension in the air. Fenris paused and tilted his head. “Who is Garrett?”

“He was—”

“We don’t talk about him.” Hawke cut Carver off sharply, voice steeled.

Carver scowled. “No, we don’t. We never talk about Garrett. And why is that again, Sister?”

The air in the cave dropped to below freezing in the blink of an eye as Hawke’s fists clenched. “Don’t you dare.” Her teeth were grit, fists clenched tightly in her lap, sparks dancing across her fingers.

“Oh, that’s right, because you got him killed. Just like Bethany. It’s all you’re good for, killing everyone who ever loved y—”

In the blink of an eye, Carver had been thrown back against the wall. Hawke was breathing heavily, her hand outstretched from the spell she had just cast. Fenris was standing in front of Carver almost immediately, guarding him from Hawke’s fury.

“Bells—” Varric was reaching out to touch her shoulder but the look she gave him sent an icy chill down his back. He withdrew quickly, and he must have looked at her wrong because shock flashed across her face before pain took over. She clambered to her feet, took her staff, and dashed out the cave.

Fenris looked at Varric, bewildered, before they turned to Carver. “Are you injured?” When Carver shook his head, Fenris scowled, lifting him by the collar. “Then what in the name of the Maker was that?”

Carver scowled back, pushing Fenris away from him. “Why don’t you go ask our glorious leader.”

Varric held his hand up to Fenris and shook his head. “I’ll go. You stay here and guard the idiot, make sure the nug doesn’t burn.”

Fenris nodded back to him, and Varric left after Hawke, Bianca slung on his back. He found her sitting against a derelict staircase, her knees drawn to her chest, tears streaming down her face. When she heard his footsteps, she wiped her eyes and turned her face away from him.

He hesitated, unsure of how to approach her, of what to say. Finally, he walked over and sat beside her, close enough to feel her presence but not to touch her. After a long time, she leaned over so her head was on his shoulder, her arms going around his arm. He worked to keep his breath steady so she was comfortable and reached over to pat her hand on his arm. “I’m here if you want to talk about it,” he whispered.

She shook her head and gripped his sleeve tighter. “N…No. I don’t talk about it…about him.” Her voice fell to barely a whisper, yet somehow it carried enough grief and pain within it to make Varric’s heart shatter. “I can’t.”

“That’s alright, Bells. We can just sit here, yeah?” He laid his cheek upon her head and placed his hand over hers.

They sat like that for a long time, nearing upon an hour before she pulled away from him. It was a slow movement, hesitant, like she didn’t want to let him go. “Thank you, Varric.”

Before he managed to get a word out, she was on her feet, a hand going to her staff. “Did you hear that?”

“Hear—” And there it was, the unmistakable sound of metal against metal, a fight being fought. They shared a look before they were running, staff and Bianca both at the ready. They arrived just in time to see Carver being overwhelmed, Fenris’s skin glowing as he fought off his own small army a ways away.

“Sister!” Carver’s voice was pained as he called from the fray, and she could just barely make him out amongst the Darkspawn.

They sprung into action, Varric knocking bolt after bolt as Belladonna cast vigorously. Their added assistance turned the tide, though the battle was far from easy. It dragged on for far too long, and by the time Fenris struck down the final creature, Carver was sitting against the cave wall, Hawke was leaning on her staff surrounded by lyrium vials, and Varric was making the rounds, pocketing any loot and gathering up the salvageable bolts.

Hawke took another, small vial of lyrium from her belt and downed it, then righted herself and made her way over to Carver. “Fenris, Varric, you guys hurt?” She knelt beside her brother who was clutching at his bleeding side and swatted his hand away to start healing him.

“It’s nothing to concern yourself with, Hawke,” came Fenris’s dour reply.

“Psh, you know it takes more than a few ugly mugs to take me down, Bells.”

Hawke smirked as she finished up dealing with Carver’s injuries then pushed herself to her feet with a pat on his shoulder. It didn’t escape Varric’s notice that she did so with a slight stumble, their time down below the surface clearly beginning to wear on her. She made her way over to Fenris and began healing him despite his protestations, and Varric had to pause to smile at the scene. Much like her namesake, she acted very frequently like a mother bird, and they her children. Her hawklings, as it were. Despite the broody elf’s struggles, she made quick work of healing him, but it obviously took a lot out of her. Her breath came strained, winded as she spoke. “I think we should try to find some more defensible ground for the night to set up camp.”

Fenris nodded solemnly and began picking up some of the heavier bags while Varric set about snuffing out the fire. “I never was one for camping near Darkspawn, anyway. Takes weeks to get the smell out of my hair.”

Hawke snorted as she gathered some of the lighter packs and offered her hand to Carver to help him off the ground. “And goodness knows we can’t have that. Your horde of women will be beside themselves.”

They shared a chuckle while Carver scoffed. “Get a room,” he grumbled.

Hawke’s ear twitched and she side-eyed her brother. His voice sounded…off, and he was carrying himself strangely as though he were still wounded, though she didn’t see any injuries beyond the ones she had already healed.

They pushed further into the Roads and came to a wide cavern and a bridge. Hawke paused to survey the area and a realization hit her.  “This part of the Deep Roads looks familiar.”

“So we’re back where we started, and in only 5 days. Not bad, eh.” Varric seemed overly pleased with their progress. Hawke had to admit, she was also rather impressed. She would be even more impressed if they didn’t still have a week left in their trek, but beggars can’t be choosers.

“Think we could…take a break? I feel…wrong.” Carver did, indeed, sound off, but it didn’t quite register as an emergency in Hawke’s mind.

With a teasing tone in her voice, she called back over her shoulder, “I think all our stomachs are a bit tender right now.”

“I’ll wager it was all those dark mushrooms we found.” Hawke could always count on Varric to pick up on her sarcastic remarks.

“No, it’s…”

Hawke turned just in time to see Carver falling to the ground in a crumpled heap. She was quick to dart to his side, packs shrugged off her back as she went. “Carver!”

His face had paled considerably, and his eyes had clouded significantly. His skin was cold to the touch as Hawke cradled his face. “It’s the blight, isn’t it? Just like that templar, Wesley. I’ll be just as dead, just as gone.”

“I’m not going to let that happen.” Coldness had filled Hawke’s veins, her heart pounding in her ears. It was the blight. He was right. But damned if she was going to let this happen again. Not again.

“I’m not going to make it. Not to the surface, not anywhere. It’s getting worse.” Hawke shook her head, tears threatening to spill over her eyes.

Varric came closer to them, his heart aching in his chest. He shared a forlorn look with Fenris before putting his hand on Hawke’s shoulder. “We’re in the middle of nowhere… We can’t help him.” Hawke turned to look up at him, her breath catching in her throat, but he could only offer her a look of shaded pain. Fenris looked similarly hopeless, having set the bags down and standing off to the side, leaning on his sword with his hair in his eyes.

Varric stepped over to Fenris to give them some more privacy, and the two of them walked a short ways away to keep guard.

Hawke was struggling hard to keep it in check, to stop herself from openly weeping. She wouldn’t let her snotty face be the last thing he saw, so she tapped it down. She moved so that she was sitting, his head in her lap. After sucking in a trembling breath, she smiled down at him and stroked his hair. “D’you remember the day you ate that pie that mother made for your birthday?”

A shaky laugh escaped his lips as he nodded. “The peach one?”

“Father nearly whacked you with his staff, made you do the laundry for a whole month and Bethany kept ‘spilling’ things on all her clothes?”

The smile fell from his face. “I miss her so much.”

Tears filled Hawke’s eyes again as she nodded. “Me, too.”

There was a moment of silence before Carver reached up to hold her cheek. “I… I’m sorry. About what I said before. About Garrett.”

She shook her head, a tear slipping down her cheek which he brushed away. “There’s nothing to forgive.” Her head tilted back as she looked up at the roof of the cavern, trying to hold back her emotions. “You were right. It was my fault.”

“No.” His voice was surprisingly hard, given how weak he was. She looked back down at him and was surprised to see him scowling. “You had no way to know.” He winced as if something were hurting him and withdrew his hand. She placed a healing spell to his stomach, trying to stave it off. “I would have done the same, Donna.”

She nodded, smoothing his hair back. “Thank you, Carver.”

The light in his eyes was beginning to darken, and he took a raspy breath. His hand weakly found hers. “You’ll do it, won’t you, Sis?”

She swallowed hard, dryly, and managed a trembling whisper. “You always did ask for the world, Carver.”

His hand over hers squeezed, and a faint smile on his lips. “And you always gave it.” He reached up with a trembling hand and put his hand on the back of her neck, drawing her closer to him. Her tears dotted his cheek as they fell from her face. “It’s just you now. Take care of Mother.”

Fenris and Varric heard nothing for several minutes and shared a concerned look. Before they could turn back to see what was happening, they heard a clattering of metal falling on the ground then Hawke sobbing then her sobs quickly turning to shrieks of agony. They turned, then, and tears sprung to Varric’s eyes. She was leaning over him, cradling him to her, his blood pooling around them with a bloody dagger lying on the floor. Varric moved to go to her, to comfort her, but Fenris’s gloved hand on his shoulder halted his steps. He looked back at the broody elf with an expression of shock and agitation, but Fenris only shook his head slightly. Varric looked back at Hawke, his heart throbbing across his entire body, fingers twitching with the desire to hold her, but he knew Fenris was right. She needed some time. So, they turned their backs to her again and gave her the privacy she needed.

It was nearly three hours later that she stirred and lifted Carver’s head from her lap. She rose to her feet and picked up her staff before wordlessly turning around and heading back the direction they’d come. Varric jumped to his feet and cast Fenris a bewildered look before he ran after her. “Hawke!”

She stopped in her tracks and turned to look at the two of them, Fenris rising to his feet with a confused expression on his face. Her voice was barely audible, wrought with pain. “Stay here. With…with him.”

“No, no way, Hawke. I’m not letting you go back in there alone.” He righted Bianca on his shoulder and puffed his chest out, standing his ground.

She stared at him for a long moment with unblinking, puffy eyes before nodding. “Fenris.” She looked past Varric at the elf. “Would you stay?”

Fenris nodded and bowed his head. “Of course, Hawke.”

Without another word or glance, Hawke spun on her heel and stalked off. Varric scrambled after her and fell into step beside her. He watched her out of the corner of his eye but didn’t try to press it. They walked on for a while before coming to a sharp turn which lead them to an abandoned way station they had scavenged earlier. Varric stood in the doorway and watched as she flitted about the room, breaking anything wooden she could lay her hands on, her staff leaning against a wall. After she had a respectable pile in the middle of the floor, she looked over at Varric. “There was a… a wheelbarrow… thing… down the road a ways.”

He raised an eyebrow at her but nodded, pulling Bianca off his back. “Sure thing, Bells.” It took him nearly half an hour to find the wheelbarrow, but thankfully it wasn’t crumbling like the rest of the Roads. The trip back to her took less than 10 minutes since he knew the way to go, but by the time he got to the way station again, the pile had nearly tripled in size. Hawke was leaned over a rather sturdy and heavy looking table and apparently the last piece of furniture in the whole place. From the tracks in the dust, Hawke must’ve been dragging it. Varric cleared his throat to announce his presence, and her shockingly blue eyes snapped to him. “I uh… I got the thing.”

“G… Good. Yes.” She looked down at the table again. “Would you mind loading the pile into it?”

He set his coat and Bianca against a wall and eyed her as he set about the task. “Sure, Bells.”

By the time he had the wheel barrow filled, she had managed to drag the table almost to the door but stopped to catch her breath, sitting on it. Varric walked over to her and leaned against the table, looking up at her. “You wanna talk?”

A long moment of silence stretched between them, so long Varric might’ve given up if it had gone on any longer. “I…” She clenched and unclenched her fists for another minute before taking a shaky breath. “I’ve gotten them all killed.”

Varric frowned and stood up straight, moving so he was directly in front of her. “Hey, no you haven’t.”

She shook her head and stared down at her hands, clenched in her lap. “All of them. Dead. Because of me.”

“Bells.” She didn’t look up at him, so he ripped his gloves off, reached forward, and took her hands in his. “Belladonna. Listen to me.” Her eyes drifted up to his face, filled with pure and utter sorrow. “You are not responsible for this.”

She shook her head and pulled her hands away from his. “You have no idea.” Without another word, and before he could get a word out himself, she slipped off the table and turned her back to him. She dug in her robes for a moment before pulling out her last giant lyrium vial and downing it. Before he could ask what she was doing, her staff was in her hand and she was casting a spell. The table lifted off the ground, and she followed it outside, leaving him in her wake. He watched her go for a moment before gathering his things and pushing the wheelbarrow after her.

They made good time getting back, much to Fenris’s obvious relief. He had taken Carver’s bedroll and covered his body with it, though Hawke seemed not to notice. The table she was magicking over hit the ground hard, and she doubled over, catching her breath. Fenris watched her then quirked his brow at Varric who just shrugged in response. “Hawke?”

She ignored them and took the wheelbarrow from Varric. They just watched as she built the wood up underneath the table, and realization dawned on them. A funeral pyre. Fenris walked over and gently halted her movements. “Hawke. Allow me.” She seemed surprised, but relented, offering him a weak smile.

She walked over to their stuff and started digging before pulling out a canteen and one of her tunics. Varric watched as she ripped a strip from the tunic and poured water on it, but she froze as she turned, facing Carver’s body. The fabric passed between her hands a few times, but neither her eyes nor her legs would budge. “Hawke.” Varric set his stuff down and walked over to her, holding his hand out. “Allow me.” Her eyes flicked to his, tears on the verge of spilling out before she nodded and passed him the cloth.

It wasn’t long before Carver’s body was cleaned up, and Fenris helped Varric carry it onto the table. Hawke watched, unblinking, the look on her face absolute, indescribable pain. The two men came and stood on either side of her, and Varric folded his hands in front of himself. “Do… you wanna say a few words?”

Hawke paused for a minute before she nodded. “I… Yeah. Yeah.” She took a trembling breath and stiffened, as though bracing herself. “Carver was… a tit. The… the thorn in my side. Hardheaded and stupid and just…” Her voice cracked, and she took another moment to steady herself, hiding her face amongst her burgundy curls. “But he was my brother. My baby brother. My responsibility.” Her fists clenched at her side. “H… I’ll… I’ll miss the shi… Him. I’ll miss him. But… Maybe he’s… maybe he’s with Bethany and Father and…” She couldn’t get the final word out, a choking sob breaking off her words. Varric reached for her arm but she flinched away, and no small part of his feelings were hurt by the action. Instead, she pushed forward toward the pyre and pulled two sovreigns from her pocket, placing them on Carver’s eyes. Varric and Fenris watched as she leaned down to place a kiss on his forehead and whisper something in his ear before she stood back. With a wave of her hand, fire sparked in the wood below the table, and Hawke watched as the flames ate their way up to her brother.

They stood in silence for another few minutes before Hawke abruptly turned and began gathering their things. Fenris gave Varric a concerned look before they moved to help, either man taking the majority of the items so Hawke did not have to. By the time they were all loaded up, Hawke was left with just two packs, her staff, and Carver’s maul which she had taken with an almost reverential amount of gentility.

“Let’s get out of this accursed hell.” She held herself strong as she lead the way, though the way she clenched her fist by her side did not escape Varric’s notice.

[dungeons-dragons-demons]

Session 11 - Exposition, Climbing and a Riddle

Reminder: because we’ve reached the point where I’m going to be referring to where they’re up to in the module. I’m running the kids through Lost Laboratory of Kwalish. Their future includes faceless monks, devils, lasers and slime. And today we played outside.

At the end of last session, set against the backdrop of a renewed rain storm, the group made their way to the home of the Cartophile. When Marla declared that she was on a mission to find him so that she could further locate Kwalish, he offered them room for the night and promised to talk to them in the morning.

During the night everyone got their suitably epic fifth level benefits. Before going to bed, Marla set out her ritual book and burned through some of her components to reconjure her familiar. In the time since she was last summoned S has decided that Myla and Marla is a little hard to say, so the familiar is now named Lovey.

The Cartophile explained to Marla that Kwalish was an unparalleled artificer who hadn’t been seen in over a hundred years. He relayed to them that Kwalish was part of an expedition to locate Doaine Gloine (which I mangled the pronunciation of, I’m sure). Their best bet was going to be to follow in the footsteps of that expedition, heading for the ruins of a crashed planar ship in the mountains.

S rolled an intelligence check to see if she knew what that was.

1 .... Marla stares blankly at the Cartophile until he explains a little bit about D&D’s planes.

The group was given the opportunity to have access to maps that would lead them basically exactly where they want to go, at the cost of taking one of the Cartophiles hirelings with them. They elected to take two.

Garrett Levistusson and Gearbox the Modron are accompanying the group at least as far as the Monastery. They declined the offer to bring along a box full of vampire.

On their way through the mountains they came upon a section of path that was thin, inclined and liable to crumble and turn to dust. A natural 20 on an investigation allowed two members of the group to get through with relative ease, knowing which stones were most likely to shift. Bearyl rolled athletics to try and brute force claw her way up, digging into the stone if it dared shift beneath her. Rolling with disadvantage due to carrying Marla and Lovey. Two 17s.

Doran Doran decides to take the strength based approach, jamming his sword into the stone and basically using his magical weapon as an over-sized piton to climb up. A natural 20 on this roll made this a rather fun moment, where the tortle fighter just yanked his way up the side of the mountain, barely breaking a sweat.

The last bit of interaction for the session was the encounter with the Sphinx. Half expecting S would want to fight the thing, I gave her a chance to see it from a distance. She immediately took it up on the offer of riddling their way past. The sphinx demanded that in order to pass they would need to tell her something she didn’t know, and ask her a question she can’t answer. (According to the module, failed attempts pay a toll in the form of lowered ability scores. I dropped that requirement for the kids.)

“What does the Iron Golem that attacked Northbridge look like.”

Solid attempt. She knows the Sphinx has been here and wasn’t at the fight with the golem. Unfortunately the sphinx is pegged as being extremely knowledgeable, so was able to answer that it was silver or grey, likely rusted in appearance with a large weapon and a smaller head. S was impressed but not happy, “She’s so smart.”

“I can speak other languages.” My clever 6 year old suddenly remembers. “I sing in Celestial ‘Do you know anything personal about me?’” 

And this is so very clever. I am a proud daddy. Unfortunately the Sphinx speaks all languages and rolled a natural 20 on an investigation to determine something personal about Marla.

They eventually, with a couple of skill checks to put her in a good mood and get a hint from daddy, stumbled upon the idea of a logical paradox. Having won free passage passed the sphinx, the session ends. With S begging to keep playing.