#kinda just small word vomit really

[clownxian]

The appeal of Jiang Cheng is that he never stopped fighting and yet in that last scene just before Wei Wuxian leaves and he... doesn't stop him. He could. He could keep fighting for him, fighting for what they once had, try to bring some normality to their lives, and he simply doesn't. He's fought for so long but he knows trying to persuade Wei Wuxian to stay any longer wouldn't be in their best interests. He knows he could tell him the truth, how he lost his core, what he did for him, but it wasn't worth it. Fighting for Wei Wuxian was a losing battle. Keeping him by his side through guilt and obligation was just going to be another vicious cycle that neither wanted. Jiang Cheng stopped fighting and he finally let go of the past.

[st4rbwrry]

𝒲𝐻𝒴 𝒟𝒪𝒩’𝒯 𝒴𝒪𝒰 𝐿𝒪𝒱𝐸 𝑀𝐸?

ꔫ eren fails to realize you’re in love with him and has a hard time committing. until he doesn’t have a choice but to face his fears.

꒰ 𝑤𝑎𝑟𝑛𝑖𝑛𝑔𝑠 ꒱ ꔫ . . .14.4k. fem reader, lowercase intended, best friends to enemies to lovers + locked in a closet, angst, lots of kissing omgie, lotss of fingering, kreamer!, conflicted feelings, oral [ f + m ], praiseeee, spanking to a t, onyankopon cameo + small fight, toxicity, multiple orgasms, rennie gets jealous, miscommunication + arguments, car sex, use of the 'n' word, small daddy kink usage, self pleasure, biting kink, eren's kinda mean, dom / sub dynamic from both, college au, both are needy, relationship establishment, pet name usage [ baby, mamas ] , minors aren't welcomed! reblogs + comments are appreciated! <3

ꔫ ꒰ 𝑚𝑜𝑐ℎ𝑎’𝑠 𝑛𝑜𝑡𝑒 ꒱ . . . got my heart broke so cheers to this one!

pretty boys with eyes like his never made you want to vomit. you adored every aspect of him, always something nice to look at. it's such a shame men who look like him, ungodly creatures, had the worst fucking personalities. or so make horrible decisions in life. fumble good women. why ruin your aura? standing mere centimeters away from him to protect it currently. though you feared he'd already tainted a portion of it. collateral damage was done. he ruins the psyche of your brain when it comes to men, or being in a relationship period. you don't want to be heartless. that lover girl in you wanted to bloom like a daisy, spread her wings like an angel, and showcase herself proudly like a peacock with the one person she's loved since she was a preteen. instead, you're dealt with being mean, standing your ground, and pretending he didn't have a lock on your heart beating with need. so, yes, looking at his face, the boy you were so dangerously in love with, made you want to vomit. 

him, stubborn as usual, stood broodingly in the corner of the closet with his strong arms folded over his chest adorned in a black crewneck tee, stainless steel chain around his neck as you study the adam's apple in his throat shift at the same time he swallows in the awkward silence. solid black jeans clad to his muscular thighs, heavy leather boots covering his feet. his scent is so masculine it fills the small space; moroccan mint with woody cedar musk. that heavenly umber hair of his long in his face, growing inch by inch as the months fly by, close to grazing his shoulders. 

you cannot believe your friends barricaded the door just so the two of you could talk out your 'issues'. which, in your view, only means an apology from eren for what he did. the night had gone fine. you, eren, and a couple of your friends all going out to catch a drift meet-up. connie had gotten his taxes back and blew it all on installing skull rims and wrapping his scion frs a pearl lavender. being there mostly to cheer him on as he showed off his precious baby. afterward, grabbing ramen from a spot in chinatown. everyone decided to kick it at your house since you had a spacious living room and all the games.

since you and eren haven't spoken in two months, you kept it cordial. well, that's a lie. briefly spoken. the interactions between you two are nothing short of hi's and hello's. ' how've you been? fine, you? yeah, i'm cool. oh, you got a new tattoo? yeah, the other day. that's nice. hey, congrats on the new home. thanks.' quite frankly, your friends have gotten sick of it. it was ruining the vibe of the group by the two of you being so distant. surrounded by each other in your dimly lit living room, high ceilings, and abstract art while soft rnb played soundly in the background. eren sunk comfortably into your velvet emerald green sofa alongside connie, ymir, and armin. sitting opposite of you while you rested on your loveseat with a glass of sangria in your hand. swirling it while smiling and laughing at any question picked from the stack of cards from a game titled 'we're not really strangers.'

you hated the internal connection you and eren held. no matter what was going on, listening to each of your friends spew nonsense and hysterical laughter, you couldn't keep your eyes off one another. you'd glance, admire his features while deep in thought about all the good things, then the bad. and when he'd catch you, more like feel your burning glare, you'd immediately revert your attention to something else. vice versa. both of you were saying a lot without saying anything. 

"꒰♡꒱, it's your turn!" the sound of your name being called kicks you out of your conscience, blinking to clear your view when you realize you'd lost it glaring into your wine glass. you clear your throat, your right leg that's thrown over your left jumping up and down. 

"oh, sorry!" you smile faintly, straightening your posture to lean forward and snatch one of the red cards from the deck. 

"you're getting tired, aren't you? you're always the first one to fall asleep," ymir pressed, chewing on her newly popped in gum as she manspreads, long arms sprawled behind connie and armin onto the headrest.

“it’s just the wine getting to me,” you suck your teeth, your statement being true. the alcohol in your system making you feel more things than one. flipping the card, you read what it says. 

"what are you attracted to that you know isn't good for you?" the inhale and exhale you create as you stare blankly at the card in your hand makes it all too known of the answer you wanted to say, but won't. unexpectedly, your sight scrolls to him, and it makes goosebumps arise on your skin from the look he doesn't give you.

“you're right, i am tired. think i’m going to head to bed.”

the crew watches as you remove the kuromi throw blanket off your lap and take a stand, eren’s eyes strong on your figure as you down the rest of your wine. ymir’s eyes shift between you and him, the urge to say something stronger than ever. though, connie beats her to it. 

“nah, sit back down. we need to talk.” 

you glare at him, eren doing the same, and everyone’s silent. connie leans forward, bringing his thumb and pointer finger to rub frustratingly at his temple. “let’s be adults and just address the elephant in the room.” 

“what are you talking about?” 

“you know exactly what i’m talking about. this silent, petty feud between you two has been going on for damn near two months and i'm sick of it.” 

“agreed,” armin nods, pushing his blonde hair away from his face, clenching his jaw in the process. “we’re too fucking grown for childish behavior. the two of you need to talk and situate your issues privately.” 

“they’re right. it’s fucking up the vibe of the group,” ymir pitches in. 

deep down, you hate to say they were right. but you still felt like you had nothing to say to him, let alone nothing to apologize for. if anything he owed you one. and you’ll stand on that because he’s fucking immature. 

“i pray y'all aren’t thinking i’m the reason for this. if we don’t remember, i’m not the person who fucked on another girl around the same time he supposedly wanted to date me.” 

that’s when eren picks his head up, throwing silent daggers your way. you’re trying to make him out to be a villain when that wasn't the case. “we had already established that we were just friends. i don’t know why you still have this insight that i, what . . cheated on you or sum?” 

the blood in your veins began to boil, scoffing angrily and prodding your inner check with the point of your tongue. “right, because i’m that delusional.” 

“stop,” connie squeezes his eyes shut, getting fed up even further. “this bickering shit is the definition of childish. please just go talk, i’m getting a migraine.” 

“as long as he’s willing to be honest, sure. but if he’s just going to waste my time, then i have nothing to say,” you shrug, uncaring.  

“in some way you still want him around, because if that wasn’t the case, he wouldn’t be here,” ymir counters, not fond of your sudden attitude. 

“i can speak for myself,” eren interrupts, tired of being the pass around subject. “i don’t have a problem talking. . . if she’s not g’na punch me.” 

“nigg—” 

“alright!” armin raises to his feet, tall body towering yours before he’s lifting you off your feet and tossing you over his shoulder quicker than everyone could blink. a gasp falls from you, wriggling your feet as you yell at him to put you down, groaning like a child. 

armin finds the nearest closet and sets you down in it, giving a look not to try it. it’s rare to see armin irritated, so he must’ve really been fed up when you see his eyes go dead as he glares at you while raising his palm telling you to stop. you pout, crossing your arms and huffing as you take a seat on a pile of shoe boxes. turning his head, he sees eren sighing and standing to his feet before willingly entering the closet. 

armin steps out, giving a fatherly obedient look between the two of you before closing the door. “be nice. handle your shit. we’re going to grab food.” 

“food?” you gasp. “wha—i want some!” 

“greedy,” eren remarks under his breath. you shoot him a deadly glare. 

“fuck you say?” 

“i’m not arguing with you over food.”

“wait, are we really getting food?” ymir whispers to connie who confusingly raises his hands. 

“no, we’re going to sit here until they figure their shit out,” armin whispers back, taking long strides back towards the couch where he plops down and sinks into. stuffing his hands into his gray hoodie pockets after lowering the hood over his head, closing his eyes. 

“they’re gonna fuck, watch,” ymir chuckles, getting up to search your pantry for more liquor, maybe even digging in your fridge for food, now that they mentioned it. “y'all want pasta?” 

“what kind?” connie looks up over his phone. 

“mhm,” ymir continues to scout, grimacing at your close to empty fridge. “she only has ingredients for pesto pasta. healthy bitch.” 

“pass,” connie and armin reject simultaneously.

“more for me!” 

now here the two of you stood, in utter silence. you’re avoiding his sharp gaze as much as you can, twiddling anxiously with your fingers. this is the last situation you want to be in right now. the warmth in your cheeks when you catch him staring is the bitch of all trades. that love you held deeply in your chest for years magnetically pulling you to submission. to care. your heart pounded in your chest, each beat echoing loudly in your ears. taking a deep breath, you try to calm yourself down. this was important. the two of you needed to get past this if there’s going to be any change to your relationship. this had to be fixed. 

“it seems like you want me to start,” reeling you in, his heavy feet hit the ground the closer he gets to you, nearly standing over you in all of his handsome glory. the air shifts and it feels hotter. you can practically hear the swallow in your throat. why did he feel the need to be so close? who knows. maybe it’s some sort of intimidation tactic. “where should i start?” 

“hm, i’d say — apologize for being misleading,” your response is nothing but blunt, your emotions getting the best of your original intent. 

eren’s mouth goes agape, chuckling with genuine confusion, brows furrowed in concern. “again, how was i misleading? we've never been anything but friends. i never led you on or made you feel like there was something more between us."

“eren, you literally told me that you wanted to try something new and be apart of me on a deeper level than you were. this was after we had sex, twice need i remind you. then, i find you fucking another girl the day you initiated us to hang out. then you had the nerve to argue with me, and call me fucking crazy.” 

“i didn’t call you crazy. i said you needed to go home and sleep off whatever shit you were on that night because you cussed that girl out and almost beat her face in for what? we are not together, ꒰♡꒱.” 

“i know that,” the muscles in your jaw spasm from the pressure you put into gritting your teeth. the pain of his denial cutting deep. “you say it as if it’d be such a nuisance. that ‘you’re my best friend’ shit went out the window years ago, and you and me both know it. it’s not my fault you have a hard time with commitment.” 

“i don’t have a hard time with commitment,” he scoffs, patience fraying. “i told you that i care for you, and you mean a lot to me. that i have love for you, not that i was in love with you. i value our friendship above anything.” 

the more he speaks, the more you come to the realization that this is becoming a waste of time, as you expected. there’s a burn in your throat that’s coaxing the tears to well in your eyes. you’re not going to cry, he doesn’t deserve to see you that way. and it felt pathetic to even do so. he’s throwing the truth directly in your face, but somehow . . you find it hard to believe him. there’s just that small hope that deep down inside he felt the same. 

“i don’t understand what you’re afraid of. are you not attracted to me? am i not enough for you? is there another girl on your mind?” and that’s when the desperation pours. that level of dissecting yourself to grasp the context of why he doesn’t want you. your leg bounces out of anxiety, scratching at your thigh with the point of your acrylic. trying your hardest to keep yourself from having a mental breakdown. 

eren’s eyes soften at your reaction, his mouth going dry at the clear effect this had on you. months, years worth of emotions built up for him. it makes a heavy pang in his heart, wondering how he could be so blind and stupid. his intentions were never meant to hurt you. 

“why would you think that?" eren asks, tilting his head slightly. "i never gave you any indication that you weren't good enough for me. why can’t i just not be ready?”

the words roll off his tongue easily, like they were rehearsed. “if you weren’t ready, eren, you could’ve just been upfront with me to avoid this shit from the jump. i would’ve went about my life if you laid it down on the table in bold fucking letters. but every time we were together, you made me feel like — we had a chance. the hugs, the kisses, the ‘i love you’s, the sex. you treated me like i was your girl. and i could say i’m running with the subject. but, i wouldn’t do that if i didn’t have something being fed to me. i’m not an idiot.” 

“i just —” he goes to knock his head back, blowing out a huff of air as he shoves his hands into his jean pockets. “i don’t want to hurt you, ꒰♡꒱. i don’t know if i can be the person you need right now. i can’t give you what you want. it’s complicated, and it’s not fair to you. i like you, a lot. i can’t explain my exact feelings, but i’ve always been attracted to you. i thought once that maybe it could work out between us, but the more time goes on, the more i realize how fucked up i am. you deserve better. and it kills me to say even that.” 

this was triggering for some reason, feeling claustrophobic from the close proximity of his body between the small space of your closet. it’s all making you sick. you felt like you were going to have a panic attack if you stayed in here with him any longer. standing up, you brush past him to rush towards the door, twisting the knob frantically only to find it locked. fuck. groaning, you bang on the door, anticipated to kick it down if no one let you out in the next five seconds. 

“꒰♡꒱, stop and take a breath,” eren’s well aware of how you get when you’re stressed out, actions turning frantic as you rest your forehead against the cold door. “baby, look at me.” 

"oh, nah. we a little late for that,” you respond after you turn to face him, shaking your head. “see, you say shit like that because you know how i feel about you. you’re real good at manipulating me. real good. you make me feel like i'm drowning by the weight of my emotions. i hate this, hate this. you make me too vulnerable. and you call me baby? h-how else am i supposed to think?” 

“i’m sorry,” his hands go to grab your arms. your body stiffens under his touch, a shiver running down your spine at the contact. you can't help but notice the sincerity in his eyes, the conviction in his tone. part of you wants to believe him, to accept that this is truly all there ever was between you. but the other part, the part that's been carrying a torch for him for years, refuses to let go so easily.

“please believe me when i say that. i never, ever meant to hurt you. and i truly do apologize for not being honest from the beginning. and i will continue to apologize because i genuinely feel bad.” 

his voice is softer now, less defensive, more genuine. it's clear that despite his initial reluctance, he does cherish your friendship, and he values your presence in his life. but, you’re still conflicted. 

"i — i don't know, eren. i don’t think i can accept that,” you whisper, feeling tears prick at the corners of your eyes. the weight of his rejection settles heavily in your chest, making it hard to breathe.

eren hesitates briefly before wrapping his arms around you, pulling you close against his chest. the warmth of his body seeps into yours, providing a comforting counterpoint to the cold reality of the current situation. it stuns you, your body slowly relaxing into his hold, letting the familiar comfort wash over you. he’s laying your head endearingly on his chest, brushing his hand along the back of your head. suddenly, eren slowly pulls from you, his intense stare into your eyes blurring your thoughts, glitching when he tucks a curl behind your ear before inching his face toward yours and shockingly kissing you.

your eyes widen in surprise as his lips press against yours, the suddenness of the gesture leaving you momentarily stunned. but as the sensation registers, your body responds instinctively, melting into the kiss. your hands come up to rest on his chest, fingers digging lightly into his shirt as you return the kiss with equal fervor. the world around you fades away, leaving only the two of you, lost in the intensity of the moment. it's as if the last two months of hurt and confusion have never happened, and you're transported back to a time when the possibility of something more between you seemed within reach.

eren breaks the kiss abruptly, pulling back with a flush on his cheeks. you look at him, searching his eyes for any sign of discomfort or regret. but instead, you see something else entirely — desire, longing, and a hint of uncertainty. he swallows hard, opening his mouth to say something, but no words come out. instead, he closes his eyes tightly, shaking his head slightly. "fuck, i’m sorry. i don’t know why i did that,” he mutters, turning away from you.

the air grows even heavier, and you can’t help but to pull him back into your grasp, his heavy hands sitting on your hips he grips roughly to pull you closer. his mouth is back on yours within seconds, widening his jaw to deepen the kiss, your lips smacking and your back suddenly pressing against the wall. as the kiss intensifies, you moan softly, feeling a wave of heat wash over you. your hands slide from his face to his shoulders, holding him tightly. 

your hips grind against his, seeking friction, craving the closeness that only he can provide. every inch of your being screams for more, for a deeper connection, for a fulfillment that only he can offer. eren groans into your mouth, his own hands roaming over your curves, tracing the contours of your body with a hunger that belies his previous reticence. he presses himself harder against you, his erection throbbing with need. his movements become more deliberate, more urgent, as if he's trying to bridge the gap between you two with every fiber of his being.

“your legs are shaking,” he whispers, now resting a hand on your inner thigh. 

you nod shyly, his big hand making you pulsate. you spread your legs wider. “touch me. please."

his tongue swirls around the side of your neck as his breath tickles your skin, making you shiver slightly as he continues the kisses down to your collarbone. then, his hand moves up your thigh more, now moving it’s way under your short black skirt to pull your thong to the side, eyes rolling back into your skull when his fingers make contact with your soaked clit. a simple touch from him easily arousing you. 

"talk to me. i need to hear your voice."

eren removes your shirt, needing so badly to feel your skin beneath his burning fingertips. whispering into your ear as he talks you through it, placing his fingers back onto your clit. “you're enjoying this, aren't you?" 

“you make me so wet,” you whimper, raising your right thigh to give him further access. 

“i bet i do,” your body prickles with fire the moment he takes your neck into his hold to choke you, his brows furrowed as the two of you listen to your sluice clit he rubs circles onto. licking his lips, he spreads your lips apart before sinking his fingers in knuckle deep, the illicit squelch making his dick shift. both of you make the same expression of pleasure, eren moaning from the strong grip your pussy has on his fingers, missing that. 

despite the overwhelming pleasure, you manage to stifle your cries, biting your lip to keep silent as eren’s fingers curl inside you, stroking that sweet spot that makes your vision blur and your legs tremble. he removes them momentarily, collecting your juices to rub your hardened clit again. you pull him in to moan into his neck, tugging onto his long hair, eren responding to your silent plea by plunging his long fingers into your dripping cunt.

“mmm, fuck,” your face curls up from the heat swimming in your lower tummy. feeling the way you moan into his neck sends shock waves through his body. the grasp on his hair only makes him apply more pressure to your spot, pushing you further and further.

“look at you taking that shit. you love my fingers?”

you nod drunkenly. "yea, love your fingers." 

"you love my fingers, baby?" he hums in your ear condescendingly. 

"i love them so much, baby," you whine, unable to control your breath. 

“fuck,” eren couldn’t take it anymore, crouching before you to hungrily latch his lips onto your clit. a high-pitched moan flows past your mouth unexpectedly, eren lifting your leg to set it on his shoulder, sucking you into his mouth, and swallowing every drip that leaks from you. 

“cover your mouth, pretty. you sound too good. ima bust.” eren’s mouth never leaves your pussy as he speaks, his words muffled by your wetness. 

each thrust of his fingers sends waves of pleasure crashing through you, while his tongue works on your clit, coaxing moans and whimpers from your lips. eren’s mouth works tirelessly on your pussy, his tongue lapping rapidly over your clit while his fingers pump in and out of your dripping hole. he alternates between long, slow strokes and quick, frantic thrusts, determined to wring every last moan from your lips. his free hand grabs your ass, squeezing the plump flesh as he pulls you even closer, ensuring that not an inch of your body is left untouched by his desire.

your back arches off the wall as the first shockwave of your climax rip through you, your thighs quivering and your pussy spasming around eren’s fingers. he doesn't let up, continuing to lick and suckle your clit through the aftershocks, drawing out every last drop of pleasure. as the sensations begin to subside only a little, you slump against the wall, panting heavily. eren reluctantly pulls away, his lips glistening with your juices. he looks up at you with a smirk, his own arousal still evident. 

"fuck, you real sweet," he murmurs, his voice husky with lust, standing back on his feet while keeping his fingers inside of you. craving more. "you're making this really difficult for me, ꒰♡꒱.” his breath grows sharper. "you're so loud when you moan for me. tryna make everybody hear you?" 

"your voice," you hiccup weakly, speaking the thought aloud, loving how he talks to you. 

"you like my voice?" he hums, planting a sloppy, haste kiss amongst your pouty lips you’d bitten red. he raises his brow, repeating himself since you’re so fucked out. “you like my voice, right?" 

"yes, daddy," you scream out. 

"daddy? that's new," the grin is all too evident. you're too deep in your pleasure to acknowledge the embarrassment. nodding along. not seeming to care that you're barely conscious. 

"erennn! m'gonna cum!" you warn, gripping onto his shifting wrist, arching your chest into his. 

“gimme that shit then, baby. cum on my fingers like you always do. so goddamn needy.” 

uncaring of the people outside of the closet, you whine his name loudly, gyrating your hips into his palm your pussy gushed on. as you struggle to maintain control, your orgasm builds rapidly, coiling tight in your belly before bursting forth in a torrent of ecstasy. gushing on his fingers. eren's eyes go wide, slapping his big hand over your mouth to somewhat muffle your sounds.  

"shhh, fuck mamas," he stares at you with desire, keeping his fingers moving. "pussy drippin’ all on me." 

you stare at him blissfully, that pretty little head of yours thinking of nothing but how good he just made you feel. how hard he made you cum. even with just his fingers, it felt like nothing you've felt before. dazed, and unable to speak, you reach to unravel the belt on his hips connected to his heaving stomach. you've got him so fucking horny he's not sure if he can stop you right now. no longer giving a fuck who hears. that's their problem. it’s their fault anyways. 

"i want it," you give him widened eyes, noticing he left his head for a moment. 

"i can't stop once i start, m'telling you that right now,” his breath hitches, following your guide of undoing his jeans. 

"i. want. it," you repeat slowly, making it clear. 

“mm, that was sexy,” he grins, pecking your lips once more. you giggle when he lifts you up, turning and pulling one of your jackets off a hanger to lay down so you won’t hurt your back, the gesture making you smile stupidly. 

"this closet is too fuckin' small, my back hurts," eren complains. 

his jeans are clad to his waist, small beauty marks littered around his stomach up to his chest area. v-line sharp and abdomen toned with fairly tanned skin. he exudes masculinity. his pubic hairs are dark, trimmed as usual, and his dick sits heavy on your mound, a pearl of precum forming at the tip just daring to be licked up. your mouth watered every time you observed him. his attractiveness something you’ll never forget. you gasped when he taps your clit with his dick, hearing the two of you connect makes the big man above you groan desperately. 

"put it in you," he spanks your inner thigh, holding them up and open for you, his entire body arched dominantly over your small frame. “don't hurt yourself." 

“ ‘kay,” you nod shyly, wrapping your palm around his dick, the skin hot and rushing with blood, sucking your pudgy stomach in and lifting your head up some more to see at a better angle. relaxing your hips, you breathe slowly, rubbing his tip up and down your entrance before carefully pulling him into yourself. 

“nng,” you whimper, face scrunched up from the pain of the stretch. he’s aware by now of how much time you need to take him fully considering his size. 

“breathe, babe. you think too much, that’s why it hurts,” he whispered, kissing your forehead to keep his composure. he’s only halfway in and he feels like he’s close to nutting. “let go, lemme work it in.” 

you listen, laying back down fully while eren takes the lead. he’s gently swaying his hips to maneuver his way in, both of you watching it go in and out with fascination. his dick is thick, and it feels like he’s splitting you open every single time. but once he’s inside, you love that feeling of being stuffed, being completely apart of him. his body is now in full contact with your legs, eren hissing, a rumble in his throat borderline feral as he fucks you hard once he’s sure you’re okay.  

because you’ve came twice, you already felt sensitive and easy to another orgasm. it didn’t mean to happen so fast, but the moment his pace picks up, his thighs clash heavily against your own as he pressed your tummy down and fucked you deep, and you cum again. squeaking and trembling beneath him, the wet patpat of his dick pounding into you making you both dizzy. eren spews expletives in repetitions silently, watching your eyes go white, pretty individuals wispy on your lash line. 

he sees how much effort you're putting in to keep your noises in. “fuck them, lemme hear you.”

now his face is in yours, his moans burning your stomach even worse. it feels like a sickness how much you get off from hearing him, or any sound of weakness he makes. 

"god . . eren!" you hiss in pleasure. 

the heat was overbearing. the small proximity of the closet mixed with your skin connecting salaciously made you equally sweaty. beads of it sticking to eren's forehead, dampening his brown hair, turning them into curly ringlets. in no time, eren pulls himself out to fist his dick, twisting his wrist as he tugs his orgasm out of himself, cumming on your warm stomach. 

“shit, baby. you feel good every fuckin’ time,” he’s leaning in to give you another kiss. he sits up on his knees, dragging your thong completely off to wipe up his mess. “i can give you better. i wasn't done." 

you laugh and place your hand on his face, pushing it away with laughter. "move, boy. i need to get out of this damn closet.” 

"fine," he rolls his eyes playfully, fixing his pants and standing to his feet. "ima head to the bathroom.”

"hey," you protest with a pout. "come get me, i'm sore. you fucked me into the floor.” 

“i put the jacket down,” eren goes to grab for your hand and you make a disgruntled cry. 

“pick me up, dummy." 

to your luck the door ends up being unlocked now, and that gives you a clear explanation that they were in fact ear hustling. when eren opens the door and you’re huddled behind him shyly, the only person asleep was armin. connie ended up powering on your playstation to play the last of us two while ymir watched in agony over the storyline. the game gets immediately paused when the two of you show your faces. eren’s is stoic as usual, while yours is filled with embarrassment as you hide behind his tall figure. 

“i knew y’all were fucking listening, perverts,” eren calls them out, a cocky smirk displayed on his features. 

“got a little loud so we needed a distraction,” ymir replied, laughing as she stared at you. “i see you had a good time.” 

“not too much,” you warn, rolling your eyes playfully. 

“we talked just like y’all wanted. so, thanks for that.” 

you pout. “aren't you glad we made up?" 

"oh, definitely, for sure," arrogance is laced in his voice, turning back to them. "y’all got to hear us become really good friends, huh?" 

there’s that word again. friends. it bothered you again. that uncomfortable feeling in your tummy daring to ruin your mood. so, you brush it off. 

"y'all not g’na fight no more? cause i'm sick of it.” 

"we found a new way to fight," you break in a joke. 

"so remember that shower we need to take?" eren reminds you. 

"shower?! aw hell, they locked in." 

"bring your ass," eren swats your behind, possessively placing his hand on your hips to tug you along. you stumble next to him with a giggle, tripping over your feet up the stairs as he laughs at you, the two of you rushing towards the bathroom. 

this is the first time the two of you ever shared a shower together, talking as normal as you watch each other bathe. eren admires your beauty, having a hard time keeping his hands to himself. a few moments of you swatting them away happening. you knew it was your house, so you could do whatever you wanted. but already having sex with him knowing your friends were mere inches away felt improper. as you lathered your body in soap, he traces your skin tenderly. you look up at him with starry eyes, emotions coming to full conclusion. you might actually love this man. he feels that spark, studying your face like a lovesick boy. 

"what?" you ask cluelessly. 

"nothing," he swallows, internally punching himself in the face. he's holding back again. unable to understand why. what's he protecting exactly? himself or you? he's unsure. 

eren slips his same attire back on while you toss on an oversized nightmare on elm street t-shirt after lathering your body in baby oil. you mentioned to eren that you were hungry, and he offered to drive you anywhere you wanted to feed you. rushing down the steps in a pair, you catch only connie up this time, ymir passed out sleep on your rug flat on her back. 

"finished showering?" connie asks, being slick as usual. 

"it was sooo fun," you exaggerate, raising your middle finger. "we're getting food. bye!" 

"bye!" eren copies with a chirp, mocking your excited wave. 

since your apartment resides near the campus, the area you lived had plenty of food joints, some that would stay open later than usual. you decided on denny’s since it was seven in the morning by this point and you didn’t want to eat too heavy knowing you were going straight to sleep once you get back. the line is long and the two of you stand fairly close together. you cling to his side, making the initiative to hold his hand. eren's unsure, again, why he's withholding how he wants to feel. he drops your hand, leaving you to feel awkward and out of place almost. you felt a pang in your chest from the action, taking a deep breath, ignoring it, and waiting to be seated. 

the service was pretty quick, ordering what you both wanted which was a stack of pancakes with bacon and home fries and receiving it within ten minutes. he does his best to try and enjoy his food, though his gaze keeps shifting over to you. your mood changed, he obviously noticed since you’ve barely spoken, hiding your face in your phone to avoid conversation. it's bothering him. he doesn't want to make a big deal out of this for the time being. so he decided to eat his food. 

"why'd you drop my hand like that?" 

he stops eating, looking at you as he sets his fork down. it takes a minute for him to figure out what you’re pressing about before he recalls. “sorry, i just didn't want people thinking the wrong thing." 

that takes you aback. what the fuck? “and what would be the wrong thing?" you raise your brow with irritation. 

"look, i just don't need people in my business." 

"why do you care what people think?" the anger is kicking in. maybe you were overreacting. granted, you two didn't establish your relationship fully. you also didn't think it was a big deal to hold his hand. it's like your confession earlier never happened. 

"i don't think it's a big deal. i would rather not have to deal with people asking uncomfortable questions. it'll lead to a lot of unnecessary drama." 

"you mean with them bitches you fucked," you retaliate. "because god forbid you have a girlfriend, right?" 

"who said you were my girlfriend?" eren asks rather coldly. and that makes you silent. he realizes then how rude that came out. that's not what he meant. "wait, i'm . .” 

"basically, to conclude, you don't want to date me. noted." 

"i never said that . . .” 

"so, what then, eren? am i not good enough for you to show off? you wanna keep me a secret? like some girl you just fuck, who, by the way, you admitted your feelings for. normal people date after shit like that gets said. i don't care what people think about me, that's your problem." 

“of course you don’t, there’s nothing to think about when you only spread your legs once a year. you aren’t fucking on people like i am,” he replies, a bit too quickly, a response that is barely thoroughly planned out. he tried to apologize, but the words ended up getting caught in his neck. “i —”

"end of conversation," you snarl. that was so low of him to say. 

“i just meant you don’t express yourself sexually like i do. not that it’s a problem, i just have a reputation. i told you i’m not in a place to be what you want right now.” 

"i’m doing my best not to punch you in your fuckin’ face right now, so i advise you to be careful what you say next. in fact, don’t say anything at all.” 

words aren’t spoken for the majority of your meal after that, unable to finish all of your food since all you wanted to do was go home and cry in your pillow. he keeps toying with your heart again and again. it’s wildly frustrating. he pays the tab and you’re on your way back home, the car ride is silent as well. before you go to exit, he stops you. 

"can i say one last thing before you leave?" 

you turn to him, dead silent. 

"i am sorry for everything i said. you're right, i shouldn't care so much about what other people think. i should've said that from the beginning, and i didn’t mean to call you out like that. that was disrespectful, i admit. i just want us to be like we used to be simply because i hate hurting you. you mean a lot to me. you’re my best friend.”

left stuck, you only say what he wants to hear. "i understand. i just need time to think." 

"i understand." he says back, shifting his eyes back towards the steering wheel. 

you don't seem as angry as before, mostly because you’ve mentally checked out, so he's not entirely sure what else to say. he just wanted to let you know he meant everything. but, it's far too late for that. he'd said enough a few moments ago. and it's exactly what you needed to hear to realize that he'd never be ready for you. he'd never be mature enough for a relationship. he'd never see you as his first choice. still keeping that childish mentality of fucking girls to get his nut and ruin their hearts. it's enough. 

eren goes inside to grab armin and ymir to take them back to the dorm since they drove here together. connie lets himself out, everyone says goodbye, and you close your door without giving eren so much as another look. 

𓇼 

three months fly by and you two never contacted one another. eren noticed you avoid him on campus whenever you spot him. weeks of eyeing his phone for your text or call. he got the message clear, but it hurt his feelings, possibly on the same level he hurt yours. he stalked your account any chance he got, never missing a story. it was the only access to keeping a piece of you with him. that only lasted a month before you soft-blocked him. making your story unavailable to his eyesight but never having the balls to unfollow . . . just in case. having that small feel of hope that he'd come around and show you that he's everything you want in a man. albeit fairly likely.

all eren can do is go about his life and hope that you’d make the decision to keep him in yours. connie noticed how down eren was today, dragging him to come watch the homecoming football game. he’s dressed depressingly in black sweats with a dark green hoodie, resting his back against the bleachers with his eyes shut, trying to block out the exaggerated screams people made for the team. it’s a big game considering it’s the last before winter break, and it’s home based. eren peaked his eye open to watch connie chow down a hotdog, obnoxiously chewing and catching his irritated glare. 

“is it good?” eren bluntly acknowledges. 

connie raises his middle finger unspoken, ignoring his moody friend and focusing on the cheerleaders twisting and flipping. “oh, there’s ꒰♡꒱.” 

eren shoots up in a flash, the hood over his head hiding most of his gorgeous face. “where?” 

eren follows connie’s guide pointing in the direction you stand. and there you were, looking pretty as ever. he swore his heart skipped a beat. gorgeous face with a light beat of makeup, illuminating a soft, dollete glam with pink blush, brown lip liner, gloss, and heavy highlight on your nose and inner corner of your eyes that glowed under the beaming lights from the football field. your hair is straightened, styled in a half up half down with the bun spiked, enhancing your facial features. incredibly cut dark-washed denim shorts hugging your thighs while a baby pink oversized jersey covers your top halve. 

eren studies you like a lover does poetry, heart awestruck by your beauty, your aura radiating halfway across the field. god, he misses you so damn much. that daydream lala land in his head comes to an immediate halt when he spots a guy laughing in your face as the two of you bump noses in a disgustingly cute eskimo kiss. the muscles in eren’s jaw shifts, his eyes lowering and darkening as his posture changes. straightening his back and spreading his legs wide before he’s moving his neck and chest forward like a venomous snake, observing your interaction intently. 

it’s honestly scary how quickly his anger consumes him, his entire body going up in flames as he stares at the two of you like a giant crow hiding in the trees. his body is solid, barely even breathing as he finds torture in you pouring gatorade into this man’s mouth, his helmet in one hand while the other brushes your hair away from your face, bright white teeth shining as he smiles at you. you use a towel to dab off any excess sweat from his brown skin. then, eren realizes something. he knows this guy. 

onyankopon. a quarterback, a valedictorian in high school, and a student in his physics class. eren grows jealous. it was clear to him that you had a thing for him, eren trying to avoid showing any hints of jealousy so connie wouldn't bring it up even if deep down inside, he felt it. eren watches you giggle in onyankopon's face. he's way too close to you. it bothers him beyond comprehension. you and onyankopon have been messing around for the exact time you broke contact with eren. fucking around every now and thence, attending classes, and enjoying your life since it didn’t end when the man you were madly in love with rejected you. you were attracted to him for sure. he made you laugh, cooked for you, taught you how to ride his motorcycle. . a bunch of lovey shit you never felt before. but, your feelings for eren ruined any chance for you to be fully devoted.

it’s hard for eren to even sit through the remainder of this game, barely paying attention to the players and eyeing you almost the entire time. cheering, jumping up and down whenever onyankopon made a move let alone breathed. you’re like a goddamn fan girl. your friends seem to encourage you, purposely pushing you into him at times when he ran back over for your opinion. it’s like he finally exhales when the games over, connie knocking him from his trance of scrutiny. 

“yo, let’s go. we gotta party to get to.” 

the sigh is loud from eren, exasperated so. “who the fuck said i was up for a party? we have finals in two days. you dragged me from studying for this shitty ass game.” 

connie raises his hands in defense. “woah, fucker. you gotta stick up your ass, pull it out.” 

“i’m going home.” 

as eren begins to rise, connie refuses to move out of his path. “this is about ꒰♡꒱, isn’t it?” 

his shoulders raise defensively. “tread lightly, con.” 

“save me the bullshit, eren. for once just act like you give a fuck about the girl and go talk to her. this has been a repetition. how are you ever going to solve issues if you’re constantly running from them?” 

“she doesn’t want to speak to me. she made that extremely clear.” 

“did she say that, or did you just make her feel it?” 

eren didn’t have time for confrontation, stretching his leg over the bench to cross over him, walking away. “whatever, man. i’ll see you.” 

connie clenched his jaw, scoffing. “see, that’s your damn problem now! you can’t admit when you fuck up. that girl loves you to death and you keep playing in her fucking face! now you’re mad ‘cause you see her with somebody else. that’s bullshit and you know it.” 

eren stops in his tracks, and pulls the hood off his head before slowly turning back in his direction. “okay, maybe you’re right. i’m a fuck up. she already made up her mind by ignoring me for three months. i’m not forcing anything.”

“how do you know she’s not waiting for you to step up and finally do the chasing?” connie arches his brow. eren rolls his lips. “you had that girl hoping and waiting for you to finally reciprocate your feelings, and you lead her on back to back. she chased after you while you thought with your dick for other women. i’m sure she’ll be at the party. go find her and talk to her. and if she’s not fuckin’ with it, then you’ll know to really leave it alone. simple as that.” 

and that’s how eren ended up at the party. it was packed, obviously. they’d won the big game and chose this celebration as an excuse to get fucked up. connie smoked with eren for a bit before he disappeared to talk to some girl he’d been trying to date. eren's drinking heavy liquor, conversing somewhat with some people he knew to clear his head a little. there’s a few women who try to shoot their shot towards him, but he politely declines. the ‘my girl is here’ line seems to work. speaking of, he can't help but be distracted by you. seeing you dance with your friends, act a fool, and flirt with onyankopon whilst sitting on his lap. it enrages him in a way he can't explain. 

not to mention you're wearing his varsity jacket, snuggled into it. this is the last thing eren wanted to find. he wasn't planning on his blood boiling as he stood at the doorway, knocking back the remainder of his hennessy and approaching you the minute he watched onyankopon stick his tongue in your mouth, the two of you lost in each other as you kissed. he doesn’t comprehend his own body movements when he brushes through a sea of people to come your way. 

"what the fuck are you doing, ꒰♡꒱?" eren interrupts, glaring at you furiously. he had a right to be mad, right? weren't you the one who ignored him? blocked him? avoided him? 

you're stunned to see him, let alone hear what came out of his mouth. "excuse me?" you retort, shellshocked by his behavior.

"some nerve you have to act like i don't fuckin’ exist for three months, then i catch you sitting on somebody's lap like it's nothing," he's being outright rude and blunt, unsure if he's aware of it. could've been the alcohol, or what he's been feeling for months piling up into one bubble. and he finally let it burst.

onyankopon grows irritated by this. not only did he interrupt the two of you, but he was talking out his mouth crazy. "i know you ain't talking to her like that." 

"i don't remember stuttering. i'm looking dead at her, aren't i?" eren's stern with his remark.

his statement is senile, your head immediately pounding with a migraine from his stupid ass attack. that's when you get mad. "what? last time we spoke, you told me you didn't want to be with me and only saw me as someone you wanted to fuck on the low. so what the fuck makes you think it's okay to yell in my face about some shit you ended?!" 

"oh, he's lost his fuckin mind," onyankopon chuckles sinisterly, not even giving him a chance to reply. shaking his head in a 'this nigga got me fucked up' kinda way. your heart speeds up in panic as onyankopon's hands hold onto either side of your waist before he gently lifts you to stand along with you. "eren, right?" 

eren can feel his cheeks burn, the anger intensifying now that he's face to face with onyankopon. your heart is ready to drop out of your chest at the thought of them fighting right now. please, no. "i'm sure you knew that, don't ask stupid questions." 

anyone can see the heat building up in onyankopon's eyes, the people in the area whispering to one another while watching. your anxiety is skyrocketing. two big men fighting over you would be hot inside of a novel, yes. but you hated the idea of violence. especially from men. it triggered your flight mode and you wanted nothing more than to crawl into a ball and cover your ears like a scared child. "guys, wait —"

"nah, baby. let him finish," his hand goes up insinuating a pause. "nigga got so much shit to say to you on some pussy shit. be a man and talk to me.”

before you get the chance to say anything, eren’s fist goes flying into onyankopon’s nose, his head aggressively knocking to the side, looking as if it spun off his neck for a moment. "how's that for some pussy shit?" 

gasps fill along the room, your hand going to your mouth as you watch onyankopon swing back, connecting his hit back. two of his teammates go to hold him back, knowing this isn’t some shit he needed to get into right now. you take the initiative to grab eren’s attention, knowing it’s dumb to jump between men in rage, but you felt like only you could stop him right now. his face is as red as a tomato, grabbing and tugging at his shirt with all of your strength he’s surprised you can even move him. almost stumbling over from your aggression. onyankopon’s friends drag him away from the situation before it got worse. in the process, he noticed you didn’t look his way not once, not even to check if he was alright. 

"eren, chill!" you finally snap. "let's go out back and talk. you're fucking embarrassing me." 

everyone watches as you drag him by his shirt like a bad ass child, shoving open the door that lead to the back area of the fraternity house, a few people there but you find a spot under a tree further down the hill. finally letting go, you take a few steps away from him, ready to blow from the anger streaming in your veins. thankfully, the smell from the lake and the wind blowing soothed you in some way. your arms are crossed over your chest, listening to the muffled noise of music booming inside the house and shutting your eyes. 

“eren, what are you doing here?” 

“connie dragged me here. believe me, i would’ve never come. especially after seeing you two boo’d up at the game. he your man now?” 

a sarcastic snort comes from you, twisting your body and looking his way. it’s been months since you’ve made contact with this man, and his aura still pulls you in. you truly despised it. “you need to apologize to him for starting an unnecessary fight. you don’t even know him to be acting like that.” 

adding salt to the already open wound, eren responds with a petty shrug and a scoff. “he had that shit coming.” 

“wow,” the smile lines around your mouth deepen and your lower lip pokes out as you frown, making an expression of disbelief. "you have a lot of nerve acting like you're my boyfriend when you settled for friendship only. do you not recall? or do i need to refresh your dry ass memory?” 

he's bitter about the situation still, that’s clear as day. he also assumed you were okay after the conversation you had in the car that night. but, he was wrong. he remains silent, fearing that his jumbled thoughts would fuck up what he really wanted to say. 

"if you couldn't see that i was hurt about what you told me that night, then you truly don't care. i kept my distance because you knew how i felt about you and you chose to be oblivious. i met ony and he made me forget about you. then you break back into my life whenever it's convenient for you. i'm not going to be available for you on your terms." 

"so you're using him to get over me?" 

"as i'm allowed to because you're not my man!" you narrow your brows. "aren’t you the same one that said i only spread my legs once a year? you’re mad ‘cause it’s not for you anymore, right?”

“you know i didn’t mean it like that.” 

“me and ony are just friends. whatever we got going on is none of your concern." 

"it's my concern if we gonna be together. therefore, he gotta go." 

"oh, now you wanna be with me," you scoff. "you're three months — no . . six months late. if you don't recall, you tried this shit before our friends forced us to make up. again, due to your ignorance of my emotions. i shouldn't have to wait for you to decide whether or not i'm worth being in your future. i am not a fantasy! i'm not here for you to fuck when you need to feel something! i deserve someone who's going to love me and give me the romance i crave! you don’t care enough about me no matter what you say.” 

tears are welling in your eyes now, and that breaks eren's heart beyond measure. "꒰♡꒱ . . ." 

"fuck, i didn't want you to see me cry," you sniffle, wiping your eyes aggressively. 

he let the alcohol completely steer him away from his initial goal, and that was to speak to you like connie had got on his ass about. not make you upset. he doesn’t understand why he keeps breaking his promise to stop hurting you. 

“i'm horrible when it comes to making any commitments. that, you were right about before,” he states, your eyes drawing back to his. "it wasn't fair of me to invalidate your feelings all those times. i knew you wanted to be with me, i just couldn't bring myself to be honest about what i wanted. more so, i didn't know what i wanted at the time. but being disconnected from you, my best friend . . it hurt my fucking soul."

the oversized varsity jacket clinging to your body brings you comfort, wrapping it tighter around yourself out of anxiousness. the scent of onyankopon’s cologne on the fabric brings you even more sadness. you feel bad for what happened, needing to find him to apologize when you get the chance. 

"i have so, so many regrets when it comes to you. so much time wasted, things that could've been avoided had i been mature and upfront. expecting you to be available to me because of our relationship was wrong of me. using you was wrong of me. leading you on, pushing you away, fucking with other girls when you were right here . . it was selfish of me, and i'm a dick for it all, i admit that. and i want nothing more than to apologize and make up for all i've done. you didn't fucking deserve that." 

suddenly, he's holding your face in his hands as you weep, both of you unsure of when you broke the distance between you two. "please, please don't cry baby. i'm so sorry." 

words could only mean so much. you weren't sold yet. if he wants you for real, he's going to have to make a better offer than just words. false promises were a learned matter with him. he needed to prove how much you mean to him. 

"i'll do everything in my power to make sure that i am the man you deserve," he whispers, his hold on your face beginning to tighten as you pull him closer by his shirt out of habit. "promise i'll treat you right. i'll never make you feel like you're someone to fix me when i'm going through shit or i'm horny. i'll never make you feel like you have to compete with other women again. i'll never take you for granted again." 

his face is now inches away from yours. his voice, his scent, the warmth he brings, it makes you feel so vulnerable. . . so safe. like that invisible string never broke. eren screaming with hope within, praying you reply. it feels so good to feel your body pressed against his, the scent of your conditioner wafting into his nostrils. he hugs you tightly, afraid that he'll lose you. he's been craving this for so long. 

"i missed this. i missed you," he murmurs between your neck, his grasp becoming a little tighter. you feel his chest slowly rising and falling as a soft sigh escapes his lungs. as the silence continues to grow between the two of you, it's becoming harder for you to find the words you want to say to him. 

"say what you want to say," it's like he read your mind, swallowing deeply before pulling your face back to eye level. he looks down at you. 

"i can’t accept your apology." 

eren slowly pulls away from you, a frown on his face and heartache yanking at his chest. it’s his karma, he knew that well. there was no reason to push you into something you no longer wished for. you’d made up your mind, and he just had to live with that. in the future, possibly learning from his mistake. he swallows, nodding as he backs away, accepting your answer indefinitely. 

“if that’s how you truly feel, then i will respect your boundaries. i’m truly sorry, again. i hate to leave things behind on a bad note, so i wanna tell you that i pray you find the love you deserve, and that i wish you nothing but the best.” 

a final touch of his lips lands on your cheek. eren’s giving you one last smile before turning to walk away. a broken weep cracks from you, lower lip trembling as you hug yourself tightly like he had only seconds ago. he’s halfway gone before you watch him pause, eyes unable to bring them from his figure. you felt like you’d lose the memory of him if you didn’t look. this felt like a horrible breakup neither one of you wanted to end. 

eren’s caught reaching into his jean pocket, pulling out his wallet before he approached you once more, the sadness on your face making this worse for him. “i almost forgot.” 

out of nowhere, eren grabs your hand, opening your palm and placing a cold object into it. you stare confusingly, leveling your palm towards your face to see a sterling silver necklace. it’s a simple piece of jewelry with a single initial. the letter ‘e’. 

"i’ve been meaning to give this to you for a while. i carried it with me every day,” he smiles warmly. 

a mix of surprise and shock washes over you, your brown eyes blown wide like a deer in headlights, or a girlfriend being proposed to. you stare at the necklace in your palm, feeling the featherweight of it, the cool metal against your skin. memories flood your mind — all those times you shared laughing together, graduating high school, sneaking out to see each other, sharing secrets, dreams, and hopes. this symbol represents all of that, and yet, it also reminds you of the pain, the betrayal, the shattered trust. your gaze flickers up to meet eren's, seeing the desperation in his eyes, the vulnerability, the raw emotion. part of you still loves him, still wants to believe in him, in your relationship. but the other part is screaming at you to protect yourself, to move on, to forget. 

"e as in eren," you gasp, lip still trembling. 

"well, yea," he laughs softly. it’s a tangible connection to you, even if things have changed. eren watches your reaction closely, hoping against hope that seeing the necklace might change your mind about him. he swallows hard, his throat tight with emotion. "i was planning on giving it to you when the time was right, even though i wasn’t exactly sure when that would be. i know it's not much, but . . i thought maybe you could keep it as a reminder of our friendship. of everything we shared."

he reaches out to gently tuck a strand of hair behind your ear, his fingers brushing against your skin. "please, ꒰♡꒱,” he whispers, his voice cracking. "don’t throw it away. keep it close to your heart, and remember that i��ll always be here for you, no matter what happens between us."

you notice how close he is to you, and you feel a small amount of nervousness start to set in again. but, you don’t let it show in your expressions, focusing instead on trying to hold yourself together. this was a lot. you’ll always cherish the memories you have together, but, was this really goodbye? did you want him to completely disappear from your life? he’s someone who’s been apart of it for so long. you couldn’t imagine life without him. three months was hard enough, even the two before that. you didn’t want him to be a stranger. you didn’t want him to never speak to you again. you didn’t want to sever your relationship entirely — your connection. 

“i love you, ꒰♡꒱. i really mean that.” 

before he gets the chance to touch you one last time, you're leaning in first, lifting yourself by your tiptoes to press your lips into his. his nose smushed against yours, inhaling sharply as he grabbed your throat, kissing you deeper. as always, you melt into his touch like putty, your entire body bursting with fire when his fingertips brush against your hips under your jersey, pulling you into him harder than he intended. scared to let you go. eren grunts into your mouth when you moan into him, gliding his tongue across yours salaciously, his back arched to bend to your level. another hand huge on the side of your face while he kisses you passionately, turning his head slightly to the side while maintaining his clutch around your throat. 

eren gasps into the kiss, the sudden surge of warmth flooding his senses. his mind goes blank as he loses himself in the sensation of your lips against his, your taste filling his mouth. the hand on your hip tightens instinctively, drawing you closer until there's no space left between you. the unexpected kiss throws him off balance, but he doesn't care. all he knows is that he's lost in the moment, the tension between you both finally breaking. his free hand moves to cup your cheek, thumb stroking over your skin as he deepens the kiss, his tongue dancing with yours.

“fuck, i love you,” he repeats again, now applying pressure to your ass he squeezes and lifts, his bulge hitting your stomach. it makes your gut flip when he bites your lip, your hands unknowingly trailing up his abdomen, the bumpy path of his abs giving you flashbacks. 

now, he’s kissing along your jawline, down your neck, his tongue tracing the curve of your collarbone. his hands are everywhere, roving over your body, caressing and gripping like he can’t get enough of the way you feel against him. his lips move up to your ear where his breath tickles you, your inner thighs locking tight. he murmurs softly into your ear, “i want you . . need you so badly. can i?” 

he sounds slightly breathless, his need for you obvious in his low tone. “can i touch you . . please?” 

“where’s your car?” 

there’s a pause as he registers your question, his mind slightly clouded from the feeling of you against him. “down the street, why?” 

“take me.” 

“you sure?” he asks. even though the desire for you is written all over his face, there’s a hint of hesitation and question in his tone. he needs to be sure this is something you truly want, even if your body speaks before you do. 

“yeah, i’m sure.” 

he takes your hand in his, intertwining his fingers with yours, and leads you down the hill to where his car is parked. you’re not sure what time it is, but the streets are nearly empty, only a few people roaming around drinking and smoking, the party is still very much still happening. tucking your hand into your pocket, you drop the necklace safely there, feeling protected and giddy as you trail behind him. his frame is so much bigger than yours, staring at the back of his head where he had his hair half tied up, wanting to bury your face into his back to smell him. you spot his black r34 gtr and within seconds you’re standing in front of it, almost as if you teleported. he must’ve been walking really fast. 

he releases your hand to dig for his keys, unlocking his car and opening the passenger side to adjust the seat fully up and make enough room for you both. you’re more at ease knowing his windows were tinted, illegally the blackest of black. with each inhale, he can feel the intensity of the situation starting to build up once again, raising his body only to have you push into him, his body leaning against his car as you squish your lips back into his, growing impatient. 

"wait. ." he paused in between kisses, the heat between your thighs becoming unbearable as he hissed into your mouth. "backseat, now." 

his eyes are trained on your ass as he watches you duck low and climb in the back, practically shoving you inside as he looks over his shoulder before following behind not a moment later. the space is snug, his broad body compared to your own not making the best room, but he’ll make it work. eren pushes you down onto the backseat, covering your body with his own as he resumes kissing you, hands sliding under your shirt to fondle your tits. the way the two of you kiss is feverish, open-mouthed with heavy pants of desperation. the way you equally missed each other spoke loudly through it. 

“take this shit off, it smells like him,” eren possessively begins to tug at the varsity jacket clinging to you. forgetting you still had it on. 

“sorry.” 

he tosses it to the front once it’s off, clutching your throat and tugging at your denim shorts with his unoccupied hand. you understand silently, unzipping them and lifting yourself in an awkward way to remove them along with your pale pink new balances. eren has one knee digging into the seat while he balances himself above you by holding the driver's seat headrest, the other foot flat on the floor as he watches you like you’re prey. 

“you’re so damn pretty, baby. miss you,” his hands go to smooth over your inner thighs up to your knees, your shirt rising to your midsection. 

"mhm, show me how much you missed me," you spread your thighs, pink lace thong swallowing your curves, giving him the obvious hint while balancing yourself on your elbows. 

eren’s mouth waters at the sight, your pussy already leaking for him, the material swallowing you up real good. he mutters ‘fuck’ under his breath, wetting his lips and pushing your knees to your chest, cuffing a finger into the band to pull to the side, groaning at the sight of your bare skin, glistening in your slick with your clit hiding between your lips. he knows he just needs to spread them to see her fully, his favorite part. the soft texture of his tongue carefully begins to graze against your skin, sucking and taking in the smell of your body. a surprised squeak escapes your throat as you feel his finger press against your tight entrance.

"no fingers," his dick jumps from the command, moaning as he spanks the outside of your thigh gently while running his tongue over his bottom lip. "just your tongue." 

“y’not gonna let me feel her?” eren coed teasingly, whimpering when he smacks you again while leaving a sloppy kiss onto the mound of your pussy. “stretch her out f’this dick?”

you crack a grin, back resting on the door while you scoot your ass further down to grind onto his face. “not yet.” 

the sudden sensation of your hands in his hair only fuels eren’s arousal further once you draw him closer, growing needy. his thick tongue slithers out his mouth, pooling with salvia as it laps at your clit with renewed vigor, the taste you leave on his tongue sweet and tangy — intoxicating, driving him wild with lust. it’s so damn good he can’t help but spank the outside of your thigh near your ass, the vibration going straight to your clit and it’s almost like he can feel it when it hits you. moaning into your pussy he gives sloppy kisses while your thighs shake. 

“mmm, yesss," you moan in approval, needing him to do it again. until you're bruised. 

his face heats up from the noises you make, a reddish tint on his cheekbones as he shifts his jaw to suck your clit into his mouth, slick dousing his chin as he pulls your puffy clit between his lips to tug and release. 

"keep going," you arch into him. eren smacks you again, a little harder, and a broken, high pitched hiccup erupts from you, followed by a dragged out moan of his name. 

with a final swipe of his tongue, he feels your body shudder and convulse around him. your cries fill the air as you cum hard, coating his face with your essence. he laps it up greedily, humming and savoring every drop. you didn’t expect to cum that quickly, face heating up from shyness as you cover your face and whine. eren chuckles into your pussy, spluttering as he detaches his lips and buries his face within the curve of your hip bone, unable to stop himself from laughing. it’s silly because this is the second time this has happened. the first being when he ate you out on the hood of his car after getting tipsy during game night. feeling like the alcohol influenced it, but he knows you didn’t drink tonight since he kept an eye on you. 

“shut uppp!”

“that literally took a minute!” he’s clutching his stomach now. 

“you know i’m sensitive,” you pout, popping him on the arm. “make me cum again. unless you can’t.” 

“mhm,” eren nods his head cockily, shocking you when he spanks your clit, scarily switching from playful to dominant. “don’t say that shit when you know it’s wrong.”

eren takes a seat on the opposite side, pulling you to sit on your knees, leaning over him as his eyes lock onto yours filled with a primal hunger. your palming at his thighs still covered in dark jeans, using it to balance your weight as eren stretches his left arm behind you to rub your clit with his fingers, collecting your arousal before sinking his pointer and middle into you. he quickened his pace, pumping his hand faster as he fingers your soppy cunt.

the combination of his hand movements and the sensation of your warm breath on his face sends him spiraling. "fuck, you feel so good," he groans, his voice strained with effort. “can’t wait to have this pussy on me.” 

“eren, touch yourself,” you whine, petting at the shape in his jeans, undoing his button and dragging down his zipper. 

eren keens almost submissively, lifting his hips so you can push his jeans down to his knees, eren releasing his hard dick that throbs excessively in his hold. it’s big and pretty, just like you remembered. a dick you’ll never forget for sure. the curve of it makes it touch his stomach, eren rushing his thumb over the tip, wincing from sensitivity and stroking it vertically away from him. 

"let me spit on it," you chew at your lips, rocking your ass back into his hand, every touch making you feral, inner thighs soaked. 

eren nods with lidded eyes, his breath hitching as he waits for your saliva to coat his slickened fingers. the thought of your spit adding another layer of lubrication to his dick makes him even hotter. gathering your salvia on your tongue, you purse your lips together before spitting onto his dick, a cute ‘puh’ emitting as the two of you watch it trail onto his ring covered fingers, eren groaning and twisting his wrist to spread it along his length. 

“just like that," he encourages, his voice barely above a whisper. "stroke your hand over it, baby. c’mon.” 

you moan, wrapping your hand over it, piled on top of his own. you suck your lips inwardly, face curled up same as his as the two of you beat his dick, the squelching from both your hands and his fingers in your pussy making you equally dizzy. he hisses while keeping his eyes on your face, just looking at you enough to bring him over the edge.

"more?” you ask, the trail of spit already falling from your mouth before he can respond, eren momentarily removing his hand, dick jumping from the reaction as you fist his dick before he does. his overlapping yours this time. 

eren’s response is a strangled cry as he feels the pressure building to a crescendo. your skilled hand working in tandem with his own is too much for him to resist. "yes, fuck yeah," he grits out, his body tensing as he prepares to explode. 

"tell me you love me,” you kiss him softly, your tongue exploring his mouth, tasting him. 

"f-fuckin' love you, mamas," obediently, eren guides your stroking hand over his near-spent cock, growing sensitive from the erotic intensity. each gentle, wet stroke sends aftershocks rippling through his core, leaving him shuddering and panting.

"one more time, baby.”

"love you, nngh, love you.”

"i love you too." 

laying your head on his thigh, he continues to fuck you with his fingers, the squelch of your pussy bouncing off the car windows, continuing their relentless assault. the lewd sounds of your arousal draw him closer to his climax. he can feel your body responding to his touch, your juices coating his digits as he plunges them deeper inside you. with a final, needy thrust of his hips, he unleashes a torrent of cum, coating your joined hands in his hot release.

"that’s it," he whispers huskily, his voice raw with satisfaction. you bring his dick to your face, sticking your tongue out and enclosing your lips around him as you jerk him into your mouth. sucking him off. "ooh, fuck, like that. keep touching me." 

“eren . .  baby, your fingers are s’long,” a shudder forms, squealing and rocking your ass back harder to meet the quickened pace of him fucking you open. he’s pushing you to the brink.

"think you can cream on ‘em?” he teases, his voice husky with desire. he’s using both hands now, the other hitting your ass hard in repetitions, refusing to stop, the action echoing in the small space. "can you? i wanna see you do it. gimme sum to lick up.” 

"f-fuck, y-yess. i can give it to you,” you arch your back. “oh my god.” 

encouraged by your eager response, eren doubles his efforts, his fingers curling inside you to hit that sweet spot that makes your muscles clench and a pornographic shout break loose, eren drawing out a ‘yeaaa, baby’, fucking you faster, unoccupied fingers sprawled along your plump ass. his voice fucking with you all over again. 

“mmm. just cum on ‘em. wanna feel it again,” eren’s grip on your hip tightens as he feels your body tense, grinding his palm against your puffy clit.

your sobs are rewarding, your ass burning from his impacts and you give him what he wants like he asked. creaming over his fingers as you cum for the second time, your tummy caving in as you drool on his leg and prolong a whine. body shaking violently with your legs.  

"goddamn. good girl. good girl. you’re so fucking tight," he groans, tasting you off his fingers before going under your stomach to thumb circles on your swollen clit in rhythm with more thrusts. the friction against your clit causes you to scream again, lifting your upper body to distract him by kissing his neck, his ultimate weakness.  

“ooh, you bad girl,” he snarls, his breath coming in ragged gasps. your tongue slicks across his throat before leaving hot kisses, climbing onto his lap by balancing your body on your toes, clutching his shoulders for support as you squat above him. 

eren knows your intention and follows suit, sliding his back down the seat and spreading his legs further apart. reaching behind himself, he leans slightly forward to pull off his hoodie from his backside, his hair getting fuzzy in the process until you smooth it back in place. eren’s hands slide underneath your hot thighs, hooks his arms under your knees, and spread your legs wider apart to accommodate the thickness of his dick as he finally pushes into you.  

“oooh, fuck,” the two of you moan in unison, jaws agape with heavy pants. 

the lewd sounds of flesh meeting flesh echoed through the car, a symphony of raw, animalistic passion. and just like that, he surrenders to the overwhelming sensations coursing through him. he loses himself in the moment, pace frenzied, focusing solely on how good it feels to be buried deep inside you after so long, trying to milk him for everything he's got. you arch into him, that warm feeling coursing through your heart that you haven’t felt since that night in the closet. that feel of worship. eren spanks you again, a little harder and a broken, high-pitched hiccup erupts from you, followed by a dragged out moan of his name. 

he steadily lifts you up and down onto his dick as you switch your hips to ride him. the view from below is turning him on — tits bouncing with each movement, your face contorted in pleasure. he raises his hips to meet your downward motion with equal force, driving himself to the depth with each bounce. skin slapping mingling with your moans, pushing you down with the fingers sprawled across your backside, pussy swallowing all of him. 

“you’re doing so well, baby," he praises, his voice a soothing murmur. "just breathe through it." as he inches farther, he captures your lips in a tender kiss, pouring all his love and devotion into the embrace.

"bite me, please,” you whimper desperately, knocking your head back to expose your neck. "need it."

eren’s eyes gleam with wicked intent, not hesitating to bite into you, knowing how much you have a kink for it. you shriek when his teeth sink into your soft flesh, the steady pressure of them is a mind fuck. the bite is firm yet gentle enough not to hurt you. the sharp pain quickly being replaced by an intoxicating rush of pleasure, sending jolts of arousal coursing through your veins. his tongue laves at the spot after letting go, soothing it with languid strokes while his other hand roams over your body, tracing patterns across your curves. 

"you are mine," he swats your ass, pounding faster. "you will always be mine. and you will never run from that." 

you shake your head drunkenly, pupils rolling white, lashes fluttering. "won't run, promise rennie!” 

"you belong to me,” he says once more, wanting you to repeat. eren’s words are punctuated by another slap of his hand, and by this point you’re sure you’re bruised, each strike a claim of ownership. your knees buckle beneath you, but he holds you up, his strong arms locked around you like a demon in heat. 

"i belong to you, baby.”

he increases the speed and intensity of his movements, driving you towards the precipice of ecstasy. you're dripping wet and moaning, your slick coating his cock as he pounds into you. wrapping your arms tightly around his neck while he slams you down. eren’s hands roam over your curves, spreading your cheeks apart as he pulls you down onto his dick with fervor. each thrust is deeper, harder, driven by a primal urge to claim you utterly.

“fuck, mng. g’na . . cum,” you blubber, biting your bottom lip as he pounds into you. 

“look at me, i wanna see your face when i make you cum,” he orders, his voice raw with desire. 

giving him your attention, you struggle to fully keep them open, every vigorous yank and thrust coaxing that bubbly feeling in your gut. he can feel your walls tightening around him, signaling your impending orgasm. "that’s it, baby," he coos, nibbling on your earlobe. "give it to me. gimme that shit. lemme feel it.”

he shifts his position slightly, angling his hips to hit that sweet spot within you that makes your toes curl and your walls clench even tighter around him. the new angle allows him to hit even harder, stroking along your inner walls with each upward thrust.

"take. it. all. baby," he growls between pauses, his breath hot against your ear. when you finally topple over the edge, he swallows your cries with a searing kiss, his own body trembling with unspent need. 

"꒰♡꒱ . . fuck," eren pants, his forehead pressed against yours as he loses himself in the rhythm of your joining, stilling his trembling hips and cumming inside of you, having no strength to pull out. he knows you’re on birth control so he didn’t have to worry.

"oh my fuckin' god," the delicious shiver coursing through your body felt like the ultimate high. brushing your fingers through the strands of his brown hair that had long fallen from it's hair tie. he leans into your soothing ministrations, savoring the intimate connection between you as he slowly comes back down to earth.

you sit like this for a while, eren going soft and lifting you off of him to properly sit you on his lap after dressing himself and you. your legs rest over his while he presses his forehead to yours, still trying to regain his energy.

“oh, i forgot,” you opened your eyes after intimate slow breathing, reaching to the front to search for onyankopon's jacket. you dig into the pocket to retrieve the necklace he’d given you. “put it on me?” 

“of course,” taking the necklace from your hand, he brushed your hair from your shoulders and carefully fastened it around your neck. "you look beautiful," he whispered, his voice tinged with genuine affection.

“thank you,” you smile sweetly, playing with the jewelry. “i love it.” 

“i always knew you would.” 

silence overtakes you for a moment, sitting on your thoughts unwarranted. too much happened today, and your brain was swarming with panic trying to figure out what right move to make. you were tired of overthinking. you just wanted to live in the moment. consequences will come later. what's meant to be will be.

“promise you’ll keep your word this time. no more fights, no more misunderstandings, or playing with my heart. i don’t think i can take another heartbreak. i’ll die.”

sincere contrition casts eren’s expression from your words, gnawing at him all over. eren pulls you closer, his arms wrapping around you in a protective embrace. despite the weight of what's happened between you, despite the pain and hurt, there's an unspoken understanding that you're both willing to move past it.

"i swear on my life i’ll never hurt you like that again. i know i’ve got a lot to make up for, but you mean everything to me,” he murmurs, nuzzling your neck gently. "i love you too much. i’m never taking that for granted.” 

tears well up in your eyes as you stare at eren, searching for any sign of deception. but all you see is sincerity, a depth of emotion that takes your breath away. you nod slowly, trying to hold back the flood of tears.

“okay,” you whisper, your voice cracking. “i forgive you.” 

© 𝒮𝒯𝟦𝑅𝐵𝒲𝑅𝑅𝒴! all rights reserved. please do not repost, steal, or modify my work simply because it is mine. stealing isn't cute. i'll ruin your life ♡

[munsonbrackets]

Astarion x undying male reader

Just imagine Astarion having to lure back someone who can’t die for Cazador. 

Like Cazador didn’t tell him anyone specific, just someone pretty, which you are. Undeniably.

So he lures you over from across the bar, gets to talking, does the chatting he usually does. And you are so nice to him, but he refuses to be locked in another coffin for 200 years for not doing what Cazador said, so he lures you to Cazador.

But just a small problem with you being lured to Cazador to be turned into a spawn. You are a random dude who just cannot die. Not in the “nothing can kill me, i'm unkillable and immortal!” kind of way. No. That would be too simple. You cannot die in the “bone snapping, skull shattering, viscera brought to life once more.” kind of way.

So when Cazador attempts to turn you, you just kinda wake up again. With all of your blood still in you and a REALLY pissed off true vampire looking at you. And Cazador tries, tries again, tries 100 more times and he just cannot turn you. 

And you really can’t be bothered to stay for another 100 trials, so you just leave, first chance you get. All of the spawn think you’re one of them, Cazador being too embarrassed to tell the truth. That he was too weak to turn you.

You leave Baldur’s gate, no need to have a pissed off old vampire coming after you. Especially not when all of his plates are silver, the dude has got money.

And a while later, when you get kidnapped and forced onto the nautiloid. You were scared for the first time in a long time. You had never had an illithid parasite put into your skull. The nautiloid then came crashing down and you were half expecting to just vomit it up. The other half of you wondering whether or not your affliction with death would prevent you from becoming a mind flayer. You always heard that mindflayers very much lacked in the soul category, maybe that’s why you could never stay dead?

But you decide to go at it, you’ve been gone from Baldur’s gate for a few 100 years, maybe someone there could help. On the way you find many companions, Gale of waterdeep, Lae’zel the githyanki, Shadowheart and the rest of your astounding group.

But most importantly, Astarion. Astarion the vampire spawn. Which the group found out about fast enough, specifically when he tried to bite you. You just could not tell whether or not he knew you. Recognized you.

That is until you and him sit alone, watching the stars. 

“You remind me an awful lot about someone I used to know.” Astarion practically whispered it out, seemingly unable to make up his mind whether or not he was gonna let the words out.

“Do I now? What was he like?” You mutter back, your eyes still fixated on the stars. But you are still so aware of him next to you.

“He was… I can’t completely remember. I met him once, maybe twice.” Astarion pauses and a shuddered breath is forced out of his lungs, he’s tense. Possibly remorseful. “But he was beautiful. He would look at everyone like they were infinite. He did that to people. Made them feel invulnerable.”

You ignored Astarion’s indirect, very direct, compliment.

“What happened to him?”

The words left your lips faster than you could really think about them. You tried easing the tension by laying flat on your back, using your palms as pillows for your head. 

Astarion’s breath almost hitched at your words, but he took a second, seemingly in thought. He was probably considering whether or not he should tell you the truth. You realized you had put him into a curious position, and with the battles ahead, you were inevitably going to see Cazador once more. Cazador would definitely recognize you.

“You handed him over to Cazador, didn’t you?”

You forced the words out this time. Every single part of your very being, screaming at you to be quiet.

Astarion swallowed harshly.

“Yes. I did. I wish I could say I would do anything to bring him back from whatever wretched fate Cazador forced him into. But I can’t. It’s never that simple is it?”

An involuntary chuckle left your throat and you saw Astarion whip his head towards you, his anxiety rising a thousand fold. You quickly sat up, looked at him reassuringly, and then you gently folded his hand between yours.

“I’m certain he forgave you long ago. Especially knowing what you went through, I highly doubt he blames you.”

And in Astarion’s eyes you recognized the same man from all those years ago, the insecure vampire spawn with the twinkle of the entire universe locked in his eyes.

You hoped that you made him feel as invulnerable as the first time you met him.

[httpsserene]

ᴛʜᴇ ᴠɪʀᴛᴜᴀʟ ʀᴀᴄɪɴɢ ʙᴏᴏᴛᴄᴀᴍᴘ ᴡ/ᴍᴠ33

📖ꜱᴜᴍᴍᴀʀʏ: you start showing interest in sim racing. max's only option is to turn you into the best virtual-racer there ever was--well besides himself, of course. 📖ᴄᴏɴᴛᴇɴᴛ ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢ: fluff. brain vomit. formatting (done on mobile💀). tiniest explicit reference. not edited. 📖ᴡᴏʀᴅ ᴄᴏᴜɴᴛ: 2k words 📖ᴘᴀɪʀɪɴɢ: max verstappen x fem!black!reader 📖ɢᴇɴʀᴇ: headcanons & smau 📖ꜱᴏᴜɴᴅᴛʀᴀᴄᴋ: word on the streets • key glock

ᴘʀᴇꜰᴀᴄᴇ: thought about this the whole time i was working. and then some man had the exact same voice as max and i genuinely almost dissolved into thin air because i felt like max was punishing me for thinking about this on the clock :) anyways, hope u enjoy the brainrot, loves !!!

wanna be on my taglist ? send me an ask !

and yes, i did make a masterlist !

*whispers* next f1 kinktober fic this weekend

you were probably unaware that sim racing was even a thing until you started dating max

like you’ve seen the funny little twitch clips of people playing driving simulators and being absolute menaces on the road, but you never knew actual virtual racing was a thing

anyways, whether or not you consider yourself a gamer in this scenario, you’ve always been pretty down to play videogames with max.

he absolutely annihilates you in FIFA, and no matter how much he tries to help you, you’re a lost cause

in return, you embarrass him in COD; he should’ve looked at your kd-ratio before he tried to play with you

but, sim racing 🧐

i mean, like, you never even fully considered that you could sim race at all, like not for leisure at least

max takes that shit seriously, he’s a part-time f1 driver full time simracing twitch streamer 😤

you are always around watching him practice on the sim, playing the f1 games, and even tuning in for his iracing competitions

at first, whenever max would stream you would probably be doing other things with your time

your hair, cleaning, self-care, cooking, etc.

eventually, you started migrating to sitting on the couch off-camera and watching him drive irl instead of having the stream on in the background

you were originally like, “oh it’s just because i wanna drool over his massive veiny hands” 🤤

but now it’s like “oh i wonder what each button he presses with his nicely proportioned fingers on the steering wheel does?”

and slowly it transforms from “wow my boyfriend is so cool” to “wait…this sim-racing thing is kinda cool”😵‍💫

now imagine you being like “lol wait a minute now” and being like i'm only interested in because my boyfriend loves it 🤥

in order to disprove this theory you start to ask max questions about virtual racing

not that you wouldn’t before, but they were fairly surface level; now you’re asking him about tactics, strategies, and track conditions etc.

and max is fucking thrilled 🫨🫨🫨 !!!

he eagerly answers all your questions (maxplaning 🥱), going way more into depth than you were expecting, but what did you think was going to happen

max is always happy to ramble about any small facet of virtual racing (doesn’t matter if it’s the sim, or iracing, or f1 2023) but

it makes him really pleased that you’re showing a genuine interest in it because most people don’t

you support him in anything he wants to do wholeheartedly, and listening and answering your well thought out questions has him falling head over heels for you again

so, he thinks nothing of it other than you being the best girlfriend he’s ever had and trying to learn more about what he loves

his previous girlfriends didn’t really care to understand how important vr racing was to him

they all just saw it as him playing a “game” and him wasting time when they could’ve been on dates or smth

anyways

everything is going fine and dandier, max continues to answer all of your vr racing questions, and you continue to watch him pilot the sim

until, he catches you watching a beginner’s guide on f1 2023 and get’s so jealous 😒

bro is all like “wtf, you’re watching some lame ass unranked gamer when i’m your professional driver boyfriend who does this for a living?? hell nah if you want to start playing i’ll teach you”

you’re just like, “nahhhh….i don’t want to waste your time trying to teach me, it’s not worth it. i’m not even a good driver irl, so—“

max shuts that down expeditiously

if his girlfriend wants to start vr racing, he only has one option

make you the best virtual racer there ever was (excluding him)

you’re wide-eyed like, “i just wanna go vroom vroom in circles for fun 😭”

max deathly serious, “that was never an option”

he enlists you in his virtual-racing training camp

if you are aware of the disney rapid training montage where the mc sings one song and suddenly they’re the best fighter ever, that’s how i imagined it

mulan, for example, i’ll make a man out of you

max reveals his inner george russell, he becomes a power point king

instead of date nights being cute pottery classes—they turn into him teaching you the parts of the car, the buttons on the wheel, f1 2023 settings breakdowns, reviewing iracing competitions etc.

eventually max finally allows you to play on the sim after he thinks you’ve got the theory down pretty good

you suck at first 🤗

but then you start clocking in some hours

after work, during your “lunch break”, using the sim while max is gone and playing during all the practice and media sessions

whenever max is gone, and you have any questions or ask for feedback on how to get better, you text him all about it, of course not expecting an immediate response back

max has told you before that he likes getting out of the car after a practice session and checking his phone to see all the missed messages from you with some wishing him luck and the others asking for his thoughts on your strategies

one day, he’s going for lunch with some of the other drivers and they start to make fun of him for how he’s stuck in his phone, heart-eyes and all as he rapidly texts you

they probably think that you’re sending him cute texts or photos like that one time they caught him looking at photos of you and learned he had a locked photo album of you on his phone ☠️

max remains unbothered under their teasing thinking, “they don’t know my gf can out pace them by .200 in f1 2023”

max even personally bothers christian into getting him another sim for you

christian is so tired of you two, max won’t leave him ALONE

i think max would text his team principal screenshots of your lap times and make jokes about it

“if checo keeps dnf-ing, my gf can fill in”

christian gets you the goddamn sim 😒

y’all procrastinate on building and calibrating it, max more so because it means his chair would stop smelling like you 🥺

you get it set up, but you still play on his sim every once in a while after he told you that because you’re a simp

he goes to stream one day, planning on practicing with the redline team for an upcoming iracing event

and the man almost BREAKS HIS LEGS trying to sit down because you forgot to move the chair back after you were done using it 😭😭

in between his groan of pain he let’s it slip “ow fuck, my girlfriend forgot to move the seat back after she was done”

chat goes ducking crazy

yooo, what? ur gf sim races???

is she good???

max is like “hell fucking yeah my girlfriend is great sim racer, she could replace one of the boys at redline if she wanted too!”

(team redline sweats anxiously, mics now suspiciously silent)

max continues, “well she is not as great as me, but she’s good i guess”

stream chat “they are going to have babies that completely dominate f1” “if their babies are born in the netherlands we will be stuck in purgatory cursed with hearing the dutch anthem forever”

max continues with his practice but everyone is begging to see you play, even some of the redline guys are asking questions

they wanna know if they’re really at risk of you stealing their seat

max gives up and turns to you on the couch with a smile and says, “i will beg, schatje. do not put it past me, we all want to see you drive. some people are saying i’m lying so you have to prove them wrong🙇🏼”

you’re like “what 😅 no 😧i suck 🤭 at this 🤗” but you’re already getting up and walking over to boot up your sim

the urge to flex on people and embarrass them is something both you and max share

max opens f1 2023 and starts a party for just you two, and you both decide to do quali laps at zandovoort

you do your hot lap first, and max goes after you

max y’ know, probably thinks that he can take it relatively easier on you, there’s no reason to put 100% effort into something for fun, so he puts in 95% 😀 (competitive boy)

and you know that one nepenthez meme

that’s how this goes

max is like, already rambling to the stream “yeah that’s a comfortable p1, she still has a lot to learn before she can beat a world champ—P2??!!!! 😧😳”

you’re just in the background in your sim chair, turned facing the camera with an innocent little smirk smile on your face ☺️

you got pole by .050, and chat starts bullying max, the redline boys laughing hysterically in his headphones

max requests a rematch and promptly annihilates you :)

i like to imagine that eventually you start joining max’s stream and the two of yous start having little racing tournaments whenever you guys have the time

omg could you imagine the little championship ceremony where you put party hats on jimmy and sassy and have fake little tiny gold trophies for whoever wins 🥹

imagine one day ‼️ you actually start doing iracing events, and just working your way up to being one of the best 😌

ANYWAYS to wrap it up, best teacher max ever

virtual racing 🤝 strong relationships

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maxverstappen1 the only woman for me 🧎🏼

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yninstagram baby. baby—😭😭😭😭

➥ maxverstappen1 i love you

➥ yninstagram what the fuck has gotten into you 😳 i love you, maxy 🫶🏽

user the way ‼️ he cradles ‼️ her head 😭😭

danielricciardo3 this genuinely the sappiest thing max has ever said

➥ maxverstappen1 do not worry daniel you are the only man for me

➥ user my therapist will be hearing about this

user the fact that max personally handmade that meme 💀

user never thought i’d see the day that max uses the kneeling emoji

➥ maxverstappen1 i’m on my knees for her more often than you think

➥ user alRIGHT go ahead and clock out for me 😒

➥ redbullracingf1 do you remember the media training we had two days ago, max?

taglist: @lorarri | @saintslewis | @cherry2stems | @sweetpiccolo-blog

© httpsserene2023

[angelwings-crossbowstrings]

Blood Ties Chapter 27

Series Masterlist

Warnings: Poorly written smut; lots and lots of pregnancy stuff (kinda gross toward the last)

A/N: We are now exiting my area of expertise with pregnancy. Google will be my friend. If I made mistakes, please just pretend I didn’t. lol

gif by @daryl-dixon-daydreams

Opening your eyes, you had to immediately squint against the morning sun. It couldn’t be later than eight o’clock, give or take a few minutes. You were still in the same room Hershel had put you in two days ago, only allowed up to walk around, use the bathroom, and join for meals if you would like. Hershel had said you could still do light chores with no bending or reaching above your head, but Daryl had forbidden it without even saying a word. So, you mostly rested and focused on taking in enough water. Carl or Beth would bring each person’s bag so you could go through and inventory the contents, ensuring all the supplies were making it from each escape and taking note of any new supplies added. 

Stretching your legs, you winced at the ache in your pelvis. “Christ, Thumps. Why do you have to sit right on my bladder first thing in the morning?”

“S’prolly like a pillow.” 

You already wore a smirk when your head rolled toward the door, finding Daryl in the chair working on his crossbow. Did it really take that much upkeep? Or was he just that meticulous? Cradling your belly, you eased onto your side to face him, propping yourself on your elbow with your cheek on your palm. 

“Most women would find it creepy to wake up with a man watching them while tinkering with a weapon.” 

His hands kept moving but he looked up with a smirk of his own, a dark brow arched. “But not you?”

You shook your head against your hand, smiling gently. “Not me.” He laughed with a breath through his nose and refocused on what he was doing. You had to push yourself up on your arm and shimmy around a bit to get into an actual seated position. Your belly was warm and heavy against your upper thighs, a hand or foot pressing out next to your navel. You poked it and chuckled when it disappeared and popped right back out. “Good morning, baby.” 

In your peripheral, you could see Daryl had stilled, felt his eyes on you. He was watching the interaction in silence, as he usually did. Just as you watched his interactions without a word. You started to invite him over, but the baby shifted, the weight on your full bladder doubling and the discomfort growing tenfold. 

“Okay, time to pee. Like—yesterday.”

Your partner was already getting to his feet and standing next to the bed before you even maneuvered your way to the edge of the mattress. Daryl leaned forward for you to grab his biceps while his hands found purchase beneath your arms and pulled you the remainder of the way with what appeared to be little to no effort. Using the hold he still had on you, he lifted you straight up and let you find your footing. Your protruding stomach was pressed against him, immediately squashing any hope you had of stealing a kiss.

You looked up at him with a silly pout that instantly disappeared in the face of the tiny one-sided lift of his lips. He’d smiled at you before; hell, he’d even laughed at and with you. But this? This was the most peaceful, truest smile you had ever seen him wear. 

And then it was gone, replaced with a scowl that was half hearted at best. “What’s with the face?” 

“Nothing.” You brushed your fingers over his left temple at the same time that you felt his hands on either side of your belly. “As sweet as this moment is and as much as I love you, if we don’t get me somewhere to empty my bladder within the next two point three seconds—well, remember when I vomited on your boots?” 

“Gross.” Daryl’s lip curled. He knew where you were taking that implication and urged you toward the door with a hand on the small of your back. “Just walk. Or—waddle.” When you snapped your head around to gape at him, he was utterly stoic.

“I swear I’m gonna strap a watermelon to your stomach and we’ll see how sexy you can strut.”

The archer snorted, following you out the door.

You were impressed that you could still move as fast as you were, dodging and ducking, with Carol’s hand tight in one of yours. Your bag was on your shoulder, bouncing against your back, and your other hand braced the swell of your belly. The other woman was watchful, taking out anything that she knew you couldn’t get around. Daryl was at your heels, stabbing walkers that stumbled out from the sides.

“Get ‘er outta here, Carol!” He roared from behind you, sounding further away than you were entirely comfortable with, but he always said run, don’t look back. You had promised to listen to him. It’s how you kept the peace when you were just as stubborn as him. Each of you gave a little.

“I’m trying!” Carol hissed out through gritted teeth, letting go of your hand to push back a walker while she stabbed another. Your knife sheath was unsecured, the weapon easily accessible, but you had promised to only use it when absolutely necessary. The walker that Carol had shoved turned in a stagger that led it straight toward you. In your book, that qualified as necessary. You took it down with ease, unable to admit how good it felt to protect yourself because another took its place. And another. And another. “Go! Get to the truck!” 

You had the keys. Daryl always made sure you carried them now. You were perfectly capable of hot-wiring a vehicle but he didn’t want you wasting time. The two of you never discussed what would happen if he made it to the truck and you never did. He would never entertain the thought. Not for a moment. 

You gave Carol a look, one that said you knew you had to listen to her, to Daryl but that it was definitely not what you wanted to do. And then you ran, stabbing if needed, dodging when you could. There were so fucking many. You could hear the yells of the others making their way to the van, sending up a silent prayer that they all made it. Your lungs were on fire by the time you saw the truck. It should have been a straight shot but someone—who had yet to come clean because you were all running for your lives—had left the gate open and allowed the dead to fill the driveway.

You caught yourself against the cold metal passenger door, fumbling for the handle before jerking it open. You had lifted one foot into the cab when the door was forced inward, slamming it against the side of your head. With a shout, you pushed back, scrambling to get inside the truck while your ears rang and your vision blurred. How many head injuries were you going to rack up within a year? Hands were grabbing at you, pulling at your bag, your clothes, your hair. Finally, you were on the seat, holding the door tight while two arms and several hands kept you from closing it.

“Fuck!”

Their snarls and moans were so loud that you couldn’t hear anything beyond them and the steady knell in your ears. Hands hit the driver’s side window. More walkers. Daryl wasn’t there. Carol wasn’t there. You’d never be able to get across the seat to start the truck before at least one was in the cab with you, maybe more. 

But goddamnit, you had to try.  

It was the only option left. You had to save Thumper and that meant saving yourself. It was what Daryl made you promise.

Holding the door with one hand, you leaned and fumbled with the key against the ignition. “Come on!” After a few more tries, a few more agonizing seconds, the key slid home. “Yes!” You let the bag slide from your shoulder and to the floorboard. Turning yourself to put your feet against the door while still holding the handle was some seriously uncomfortable gymnastics shit but you didn’t hold the position long. Pushing against the door with your feet, you both propelled yourself toward the steering wheel and knocked back the walkers that had been blocking you. 

The seat was left between where it needed to be for you or Daryl to be able to drive. You could fix it later but you could fit well enough to get the fuck out of there. Turning the key, the engine barely started before you were throwing the shifter into drive. There were thumps that indicated a few had climbed into the bed but you could deal with that later. 

Mowing down walker after walker, you nearly sobbed when you saw the taillights of the van. The others had made it. Had everyone made it? Maybe Daryl and Carol were with them. It took only a few moments to get far enough away to stop. You pulled off the road, just behind the van, your passenger door hanging open. The truck rocked, reminding you that there were still the walkers in the bed, but as people filed out of the van, there was no Carol. No Daryl. 

And your world came to a screeching halt. “No.” You whispered against the hand you pressed to your mouth. Your other hand gripped the fabric of your coat over your stomach. Rick would never let the walkers get into the truck so you placed your head against the steering wheel and let the tears fall. How would you do this without Daryl? How could you live without him? The man you loved was gone and you knew in your heart of hearts that you needed to go back, face the herd, find him—along with Carol—and put them down. You wouldn’t leave them to walk. You couldn’t. You needed closure. A grave to visit if possible.

When the driver’s side door opened, you sobbed even harder, knowing Rick could never know how to comfort you. Your arms wrapped around your belly, your apologies to little Thumper for never being able to meet their father were choked down by each jerk of your shoulders, each wet breath. Distantly, inwardly, you hoped for a boy that you knew you would name DJ. You hoped he would be the spitting image of Daryl. 

“Christ, ya drive like a maniac. Ya hurt? Baby okay?”

You straightened so quickly that your belly bumped the steering wheel and you felt a twinge of pain in your back. Daryl—a little worse for wear—was standing at the door, staring at you like nothing had happened.

“Dar—how—” You sobbed.

“Jumped in the back ‘fore ya could peel outta there. Carol too.” He tilted his head and studied you, his eyes raking over you before stopping on the right side of your head. “Ya alright?” You didn’t even register his arm lifting, but then his calloused fingertips were touching a tender spot just behind your right temple. You hissed but that pain meant nothing. “Hey, talk to me.”

As quickly as you could manage with your rounded middle, you launched yourself at him, falling into his chest with his arms instantly encircling you beneath your own. He walked forward and pushed you back onto the seat for support and held you tight, his cheek against the top of your head.

“I thought you were dead, you absolute fucking asshole!”

A hand pressed against the back of your head, pulling you to rest against his collarbone. “M’right here. M’fine. Carol’s fine.” When he tried to push you back, you held on, digging your fingers into his back, taking fistfuls of his vest. “Want Hershel to look ya over, butcha gotta let go first.”

“No.” You stated bluntly.

He didn’t say anything for the longest time, simply letting you cling to him until your sobs had quieted to whimpers and hiccups, his large hands rubbing your back and cradling your head. “Alright. Least scoot over so I can drive. An’ ya gotta let ‘im take a look atcha when we get to wherever the fuck we’re going.”

With a sniff, you conceded, nodding against his chest. When you moved back across the seat, you kept a hand fisted in the front of his shirt until he climbed in after you. He was talking with Rick but you didn’t hear a word of it. Your forehead was pressed against the round of his shoulder, thigh against his, hands gripping the hem of his vest below the arm he had outstretched to the wheel. Your body rocked with his as he closed the door. He went still for a moment, likely examining how he was going to drive with you clinging to him like a fungus but not a word was said. You had never killed the engine, so he just shifted the gear and drove while you held onto him like a lifeline.

“Ssh. Gotta be qui—fuckin’ christ.”

You had purposefully clenched your walls around him while continuing the steady rocking of your hips. “Ssh,” you pressed a finger to your lips, “gotta be quiet, Daryl.” The scowl he gave you was impressive for a man teetering right on the edge of orgasm. You traced a line through the sheen of sweat on his chest, only stopping when you reached where your belly loomed over him. His fingers were digging into your thighs, moving up to your thickened waist to both guide and urge you. “I’m so close.”

Daryl only grunted, running a hand over your prominent belly and up to your breast, squeezing gently. You were still so sensitive—and sore—but with one flick of his thumb over your wet nipple, you crested, your palm swiftly covering your mouth to muffle your shout. He quickly let go of the soft mound of your chest to grab a thigh, digging blunt nails into your flesh as he followed you up, up, up with a series of heightened breaths, desperately keeping himself quiet as well.

Still panting, Daryl caught you by your bicep and rolled with you to lay you onto your side, slipping out of you in the process. You must have looked as dazed as you felt because he was brushing your sweaty mess of hair out of your face and narrowing his eyes. “Ya okay?”

“Mhm.” With a content sigh, you caught his hand and kissed his palm, smiling when he gave you that look as if he had no idea what to do next. “I love you.” His mouth twitched into a tiny smile, a hum vibrating behind his lips. He turned his hand to hold yours, placing them on the bed between you. He didn’t say it back but he didn’t need to; you knew. You knew about his dissent with emotions but he had said he loved you and you believed him. And that was that. “Let’s get cleaned up and go face the people we probably kept awake.” You chuckled.

He scoffed, throwing the blankets back from the bedroll as he sat up. The room was cold. There were even goosebumps on his skin where the air touched it, and that man was always hot. The house was more of a shack, one large room with the kitchen and a family area, one bedroom, and a bathroom. It was the third temporary safehouse in a week and a half. 

Daryl kept the truck close to the door now, as close as he could possibly get it. With you at around 38 weeks, he was taking no chances. Seriously. No chances. You had to pee? He was with you. He had to pee? You were with him. He was practically attached to your hip, but you were finding you didn’t feel crowded at all. You just couldn’t since the night you thought you’d lost him. 

The archer stood, pulling up his pants and underwear together, staring at the window as he buckled his belt. God, he was beautiful. The moonlight was bathing him just right. He didn’t look real. Licking your lips, you thought about asking him to get right back under the blankets but that train of thought derailed with the tightening of your abdomen. You made a noise of discomfort, even though this contraction didn’t hurt. It still wasn’t the best feeling in the world.

“What?” Daryl sniffed, looking down at you.

“Stupid fake contractions.” You grimaced, holding out a hand for something with which to clean yourself up. He was already on it, digging through the bag for the bra pads for you anyway. He tossed you one of his shirts, huffing a laugh when you regarded him with bewilderment. “Are we really going to have Carol washing jizz off one of your shirts? Oh my god, or Beth?! No! Give me something else!”

“Ain’t much else to use, Sunshine.” He tossed the bra pads at you but continued rifling through the bag. A box landed next to your hip which you recognized as squares of gauze. If it weren't for the fact that you not only needed to clean up the mess between your legs but the bedroll and blankets as well, you would have just thrown on your underwear and left it.

Daryl was buttoning his shirt and not really paying attention when you wiped through the sticky mess at your core, ready to open another square but then your hand was brought to a sudden halt. Along with your heart. 

“Daryl.” You knew there was fear in your voice, you couldn’t have hidden it if you tried. When you looked to him for reassurance, you found your expression mirrored.

“Hey, doc, get the fuck in here!” He bellowed, staring at the thick glob of red, white, and yellow on the white material. Everyone was asleep or had at least bedded down, so it would likely take a moment for anyone to appear in the doorway. Still, he moved fast, pulling the tank top he had tossed to you over your head. It had to be stretched over your belly and a portion of your breasts could be seen from the side but at least you were mostly covered since it was untelling how many would respond to his exclamation. 

“Daryl, it’s blood. I’m bleeding. Is this normal? Is something wrong?” You rambled, the hand holding the gauze shaking so fiercely that he was forced to take hold of your wrist to steady it.

“I dunno. Hershel can—he’ll look. S’gonna be okay.” On his knees beside you, he pulled you against him with his free arm, holding you so tightly that you just knew it was so you didn’t shatter. “Hershel!”

“What’s wrong?” Carol was the first in, wrapping her cardigan tightly around her, but Hershel was just behind her, wiping at his eyes.

“What on earth, son?”

“She’s bleedin’, she ain’t s’posed to bleed is she?” Now, you could feel Daryl shaking, even with his voice as steady as it was.

The others were filing into the room but Carol was on top of things, ushering them all right back out while the old man rolled up his sleeves.

“Carol, could you bring a couple more candles, please?” He asked, his tone so light that even you wanted to kick him. It was likely Daryl wanted to throw him out the window. “Let’s see what we have here.” Hershel picked up the one candle you and Daryl had lit and knelt down next to the bedroll, his knees cracking and popping. When he held his palm flat, you curled your lip, wishing gloves were something any of you had thought of on the runs. Daryl guided your hand with his hold on your wrist, keeping the gauze from flipping or spilling onto the man’s palm. “Hmm. Can you tell me what happened before this?”

You and Daryl turned beet red. There was obviously cum on the gauze as well.

“‘Sides the obvious?” The archer murmured.

“Okay, so sex.” Hershel nodded. Daryl blanched. “Anything else?”

You were suddenly blank, the fear gripping your heart so tightly that it was cutting off the circulation to your brain. How could he seem so calm about this?

“She had one’a them fake contractions.” Daryl supplied. If you weren’t a trembling wreck, you would have kissed him. 

Carol trotted back into the room with a candle in each hand, kneeling down next to the veterinarian. “Is that—?”

“I think so.”

You were looking back and forth between the two, still unable to find your voice. Once again, Daryl spoke for you. “Gonna make us guess?!” He snapped.

“Easy, Daryl.” Carol admonished, reaching a hand toward him but not touching.

“Don’t fuckin’ easy me! What the fuck is—”

“Calm down.” Hershel demanded in a no nonsense tone. You felt Daryl’s hold around your shoulders tighten. “I believe this is what is called the bloody show. Sometimes it just comes out on its own, but it can be triggered by intercourse. Now I have no way of knowing if the mucus plug has already passed and sadly, our woodland toilet would make it difficult to know anyway. It could actually be present in this. Regardless, that hardly matters.”

“M’gonna need some English an’ real fuckin’ quick, doc.”

“She’s fine, Daryl.” Carol soothed. “You know we wouldn’t say that if she weren’t.” The archer looked back and forth between the two again while you looked up at him. It took a long moment of uncomfortable silence but you felt the tension pressed against you loosen ever so slight. “Let him finish.”

Daryl gave a curt nod.

“This usually means the cervix is thinning and dilating; that the baby is nearly ready to be born. Now the contraction,” he continued while twisting to place the gauze somewhere behind him, “could have been Braxton Hicks, yes. It could have also been the real thing. Was it painful?”

You shook your head.

“They aren’t always in the beginning. According to my reading, some women are lucky enough to have very mild contractions all throughout labor and delivery.” He smiled, trying so hard to settle the unease eating its way through your sternum. “I’d like to examine you. Would you allow that?”

You nodded, feeling Daryl turn his head to see your permission with his own eyes.

“Okay, lie back please. Carol, I’ll need some water and soap please.” The woman was up and out the door before you could blink. “This will be just like the last one. Some mild discomfort but it shouldn’t be anything beyond that. Have you had any contractions since the last one?”

“No.” You sounded so small, even to your own ears.

“Okay, that’s good. We won’t rule anything out yet. Your water hasn’t broken, but I must warn you that it is possible I may accidentally cause that during the exam. If that happens, there’s no reason to be alarmed.” 

You were nodding, you felt yourself doing it but it didn’t feel like you were really there at all. The fear had won and you were falling victim to the panic stirring up within you, its tendrils snaking around your lungs, making it impossible to breathe. 

Then Daryl released your wrist and slipped his hand into yours.

He was listening carefully to Hershel, watching Carol return, but he was still attentive to what you needed at that moment as well. You felt the pressure in your chest recede, your lungs easily filling while your heartrate slowed. You were still scared. You still trembled, but so did he.

The vet had moved onto the bedroll but before he could do anything, Daryl was reaching down with a quick I got it and moving the blanket. His free hand was warm on your thigh, not removing it until you bent your knees and placed your feet flat. You watched the old man for a moment, suddenly self conscious when he stared impassively before his eyes flitted over to Daryl.

“Oh, uh—sorry for the—yeah.” The archer cleared his throat, his head ducking.

“Carol.” Hershel sighed. “If there are any runs to be made soon, please make sure gloves are mentioned as a necessity.” The other woman giggled behind her hand but quickly wiped it away and nodded. “Okay, here we go.”

It felt exactly as it had the first time, deeply uncomfortable and borderline painful at certain points, though this time you were able to remain still and silent. You chose to watch your partner as he eyed Hershel like a hawk, eyes squinted and focused. You squeezed his hand. Instantly, his attention was on you. His thumb swept back and forth over your knuckles, a grounding movement on which you could center yourself.

“Well.” Hershel had pulled his hand away and was washing up with the soap and water Carol had brought in for him. “You’re about 3cm, my dear. Now it’s anyone’s guess when your water will break or if it will at all. If not, I will likely need to intervene to speed things up but that’s down the road. Take it easy but walk around if you can. Drink lots of water, any extra that we can ration off for you. I’m sure others would be willing, myself included. Let me know of any contractions, even if they aren’t painful. We will need to start timing them. I can get Glenn to loan you the watch I gave to him, Daryl, but please don’t smash it.”

“Wait. That’s it?” You struggled to sit up until Daryl assisted you.

“That’s it. It’s a waiting game now.” Carol picked up what she could and promised to return for the rest, smiling at you before she left the room, likely to fill in the others. “But from the looks of things, your little Thumper will be making his or her debut in the very—and I mean very—near future.”

Both you and Daryl stared at the doorway long after it was empty. When you squeezed his hand, he squeezed back. And in unison, you both took a deep breath and uttered two words.

“Holy shit.”

[iluvapplesxh]

⧽⧽Time Slows⧼⧼

❀ pair: billie eilish x fem!reader

✰ summary: Nothing you did ever seemed to be enough, and you felt helpless, falling down lower with each passing moment without help, but all you needed was Billie. She'll always be there. And she'll help you back up whenever.

✯ warnings: eating disorders, cursing, vomit, bulimia, purging, I beg you, if any of this triggers you do not read, comfort, !ENGLISH IS NOT MY FIRST LANGUAGE!

✒ a/n: I love writing requests sm. Also, I recommend listening to this song, sets the mood lol. still kinda feel like I didn't give this request my all but 🤷‍♀️.

Aren’t you hungry?

Have you eaten yet?

Didn’t you also skip lunch?

Haven’t you eaten already?

Again?

Nothing was ever good enough, you guessed. If you ate, it was too much. If you didn’t, it wasn’t enough. Nothing seemed to satisfy the people around you, or yourself either.  You tried everything, you worked out religiously for weeks, nothing, you did several stupid diets, nothing, you distracted yourself from your boredom, but not long enough to not go out for a snack. Then another one. And even though your chest felt heavier and heavier with each bite, you didn’t stop the routine. Not when the bites became harder to swallow with the tightness of your throat while your eyes burned with tears.

So, this was your last resort. Eating, rushing to the bathroom and making it all come back up.

Deep down, you knew it wasn’t the right way to do this and it will probably do more damage than good, both to your mental and physical health, but it felt too good. The numbers on the scale flying down, seeing your body shrink, feeling a sense of satisfaction when you stood in front of the mirror and the lines of our ribs stared back at you with a manipulative grin, hearing the people around you say those words.

Wow, look at you! You’ve lost so much weight!

Damn, you look so much better like this. No offense.

(...)

Right. No offense but every time you even dared to think about food the thought of losing this newfound satisfaction, the compliments, pushed right back against it and somehow always won. You knew you were a goner when you’d eat, and you wouldn’t even have to try to make yourself gag on your fingers for it to come back up, you just had to be fast enough to run to the bathroom and it came right back up without argument.

And, somehow, you didn’t stop there. Not until the compliments turned into small frowns of concern and worried words.

I don’t think losing weight that fast is healthy.

Hey, you okay? You seem pale.

“Are you okay, baby?”

Your head snapped up from the spot you were staring at, eyes locking with your girlfriend’s worry-filled blue ones and you shot her a confused look. 

“You haven’t touched your food” Billie spoke again, her own hand had stopped mid-air, holding a fork with her food on it. You blinked and looked around the table briefly, seeing the worried gazes of Billie’s family.

Of course, when you had started this addictive ‘habit’ of yours, you didn’t exactly think about what would happen in a public setting. With people who actually cared about you, and had been there to try to soothe you with assuring words when they picked up on your sudden weight loss, which you excused to ‘gym exercises became efficient’ to ease their worry. 

And when Billie excitedly invited you to have dinner with her family for her brother’s birthday party or something, she hadn’t really explained, but the way her eyes sparkled with excitement at the thought of having dinner with her loved ones after such tiring long weeks of press and work, you just couldn’t form a proper excuse.

You cleared your throat and glanced down at your still full plate of…something. Then you looked into Billie’s eyes again and sighed before sending her a comforting smile. “Oh, yeah. I guess I got lost in thought, huh.” Chuckling half-heartedly, you straightened up and held your own fork firmer, gathering some of the food on it.

Billie’s eyes burned onto your form, watching with furrowed brows as your hand shook the slightest bit when it grasped at the fork, or how your eyes clouded with something of a fearful look while your eyes watched your own movements. 

Your hand slowly lifted and brought the cutlery up to your lips. You swallowed your saliva harshly before your mouth opened and you placed the metal against your tongue, the food sliding off the fork before you pulled it away. A sudden sick feeling in your stomach almost made you spit it right back out but you swallowed with a hum, smiling at Billie.

Her eyes narrowed in skepticism as she watched you eat and swallow the small amount of food, the paleing skin of your face contracting for a mere second before the smile took over, but Billie caught it and her heart sped up.

She’s been watching you, like a hawk since you started to lose the ‘extra’ weight you thought didn’t make you any more beautiful than anyone else. She knew you had struggles, but didn’t want to push when she didn’t have anything to reason with. She also just didn’t want to believe her own head. She wanted it to not be true, but when you suddenly got up literally not even five minutes later and rushed towards the bathroom, it was the last straw and she quickly bolted after you, face etched with worry and her bottom lip pulled between her teeth as she neared the bathroom.

She pulled the door open and when the sounds of gagging and coughs between groans hit her ears, her pulse picked up as well as her steps. The moment she reached the stall with the door wide open and her eyes fell on your hunched over figure, her own face paled and a small gasp left her lips before she hurriedly marched forward, hands gathering the silky strands of your hair and one of them held it in a makeshift ponytail while the other rubbed your back.

When you finally stopped gagging and coughing, her gaze dropped to the toilet bowl and her chest tightened at the sight of the small food you’ve just eaten, drenched with the acids of your obviously empty stomach and she felt herself getting sick before she tore her gaze away and helped you up, catching you when your feet gave you and guiding your body to the sinks.

“Come on, baby. Let's wash your face” She whispered sweetly, letting you lean against the marble sink with one of her arms still around your torso and the hand of the other reaching to open the tap. Her fingers shook as she held her hand under the streaming water before she lifted it up to your face, wiping it gently. She repeated the action but her hand stopped on your cheek when she felt hot tears hit her cold hands. 

Her eyes met your blurry ones and she shushed you tenderly, but her own heart stung in her chest when your head dropped. She shook her head and tilted your head back up with her hand still on your cheek. 

“I’m-...I’m so sorry, Billie. I-...” A choke cut you off and Billie quickly turned the tap off, pulling you into her. Your chin rested on her shoulder as her arms circled your trembling body. She held back her own tears when your waist felt strangely small and a shaky breath left her.

“It’s okay, baby. It’s okay. Shh, shh” One of her hands moved up to your head, caressing your hair gently.

It took a while for your sobs to die down, and even when they did, you stayed clinging to Billie while her arms held you tightly. Guilt was all you felt. For eating, for vomiting, for lying to Billie, for not talking to her.

“Can you look at me, please?” Her voice was soft and melodic against your ear and you reluctantly pulled back enough for your eyes to meet and yours welled with tears again at the look in Billie’s. She shook her head and shushed you again, rubbing your sides with her hands. “Talk to me, baby. I need you to tell me what is it you’re feeling” 

You swallowed, feeling your throat dry up when you tried to speak. “I-...” You started, trapping your bottom lip between your teeth for a moment before letting go. “I’m tired, Billie.” Your voice cracked mid-through her name and you took a deep breath. “I-...I’m so fucking tired of everything. I-...I want to be perfect, so bad, and I’ve tried and tried but nothing is ever fucking enough” You pulled further away and rubbed your face with your hands. “I’m hungry, then I’m sick and guilty and then I’m crying and I’m exhausted. I don’t want to live like this” You spoke, sadness and desperation laced into your voice like venom. “I just want to be normal and pretty and not hating myself but the more ‘satisfied’ I become from…this, the lower I fall and it feels like I can’t get myself up no matter what” 

Billie listened with a small frown on her face, her throat burning as she felt the need to cry crawl up in it. She didn’t want this for you. She didn’t want you to feel like this. Like you weren’t enough. It was a really big, harsh punch to the gut and she felt like she failed as a girlfriend because how were the signs not obvious? How did she push her worry away for you so easily? 

She reached out again, her soft, now warm hands cradling your face and your breathing calmed. “I know, I know” Billie murmured in a small voice, pulling your body close to hers again. “I’m so fucking sorry for not getting you up when you fell down the first time, baby.” Her own voice cracked this time and your lips parted, ready to speak but she shushed you. “I’m here now, okay? And I’m gonna help you back up. I promise, I’m not going anywhere, love” 

Your eyes brinked with tears again and a lump formed in your throat as you nodded. A small, whispered ‘Thank you’ left your lips in a choked back manner and the feeling of Billie’s forehead leaning against yours made the chaos in your head still for that moment. 

“I love you. So fucking much and I’ll never leave you alone again, you hear me?” 

All you could do was nod again, but that was more than enough for her. You were more than enough for her. And that was all that mattered. You would learn to not care about being enough for anyone else, because the only person who really mattered was here and she was holding you. There was no fucking way she’d ever let you go again.

✒ a/n: so I do feel like I didn't quite capture the meaning and the seriousness of an ed but I want you to know that if you are going through of any kind I love you and it's going to be okay, even when everything around you tells you otherwise <3

REQUESTS OPEN ♡

[dilatorywriting]

Hi hi! So this is a request for the 4k followers thing and if it sounds like word vomit I apologize cuz I have no idea how to word this. Could I ask for prompt 10 ("I think we should go to dinner first.") with mc x azul? The scenario here is like that one twitter post that was going around awhile ago about how a falls first but b falls harder, with a being azul and how once he realizes his feelings he resigns himself to forever pining from afar bc he's convinced himself that any relationship between them would be doomed to failure since mc is from another world and would have to go home someday. But while mc is a bit dense when it comes to their own romantic feelings they've always been an upfront person and as soon as they realize they like him they kinda just,,,, barge into his office and say so, and I feel like the sentence prompt would be said by azul after a pretty intense make out session (maybe nothing spicy spicy but yeah) where at the end oh yeah he remembers he's a gentleman

Also after a bit of searching I found the twitter post I was talking about

Gender Neutral Reader x Azul Ashengrotto Word Count: 1.5k

Prompt 10: "I-I think we should go for dinner first."

[EVENT MASTERLIST]

Azul had been avoiding you.

Which was so strange and wholly out of character that the first few days of it went by in a weird sort of fugue. You hadn’t even noticed an entire week had passed in blissful, mafioso-free silence until you were heading to your Friday night shift at the Lounge and realized you hadn’t seen your favorite octopus even once. Normally the House Warden was fluttering around you like a scam artist to an old folks’ home. Poking, and prodding, and ‘ah, Prefect, I know you weren’t a fan of the last contract, but perhaps this one would suffice, hmm?’

And when you arrived in the little, employee-only locker room—still fully unbothered and not offered even a single opportunity to sell your soul—you wondered if maybe he’d gotten sick.

You were in the middle of taking some Savanaclaw student’s order when you finally saw him at all. Just a quick glance out of the corner of your eye to catch his shining, silver head of hair popping into his office. You smiled brightly and offered a wave. But Azul only went stiff and closed the door with a bang.

Which was…

Huh.

“Is Azul feeling okay?” you asked Jade between running an armload of drinks to a table of Pomefiore students.

The eel hummed and gave you one of those smiles that never really looked like it was meant to be a smile. “Our fearless leader is clinically sound.”

You frowned. Because that felt like one of the Vice Warden’s non-answers that he’d throw your way sometimes like a taller, meaner older sibling holding your favorite toy just out of reach.

“So he’s alright?” you pressed, hesitant.

“Oh, I never said that,” he chirped pleasantly, before ducking off to go catch the stack of plates that Floyd was in the process of juggling through the kitchen.

The bubbling panic popping in your gut was the worst sort of tummy ache. The kind that spread its miserable pain until it’d left your chest hurting, and head spinning, and something deeply wrong throbbing at the heart of you. Because Azul, despite his inherent tendencies to treat you like a particularly stupid pack mule, was still your best friend. The person you cared about most in all the world! Sure, he enjoyed bamboozling you and your fellow students, but, like he hadn’t done anything genuinely malicious in ages now! Like a paid hitman retiring into selling seedy vacation timeshares.

The idea of him just—just not wanting you anymore struck something horrible in you. Of finally realizing that the silly little human from worlds unknown wasn’t worth the wobbly pair of legs you were standing on. And it left you feeling small, and afraid, and—and—

“Oh? Are you feeling unwell, Prefect?” Jade called from somewhere behind you.

“Does Azul hate me?” you blurted out before you could help yourself.

The eel blinked his bi-colored eyes at you—slow and unbothered. Perhaps a bit surprised, if you had to put a name to the expression. Jade’s face was like that sometimes. An enigma. Like someone had wired him up just slightly wrong when putting it all together. On any other living creature, that sap-slow nonchalance would have certainly bordered on outright boredom, but you knew him well enough to know there was at least something else going on there.

“Why would he hate you?” he asked, equally dripping and slug slow.

“Because—!” you squawked, and waved your hands around your head. “Because!”

“I see,” he nodded. And then latched a gloved hand onto your shoulder and steered you back towards his boss’s office. He didn’t even bother to knock before wrenching the door open and shoving you inside.

Azul looked up with a start, eyes gone wide behind his glasses and jaw slack.

“What’s going—”

“The Prefect is on the verge of psychotic break,” Jade chirped helpfully, with a closed-eyed smile. “Please be delicate with them, hmm?”

And then slammed the door shut all over again. Leaving you alone with the guy who might have only very recently started to hate your guts. Or—or maybe he always had! And maybe you’d just been really, really dumb about picking it up! You wanted to scream. Or hide away forever. Azul looked like the latter was an exceptionally tempting idea, and you could see his blue eyes flicker around the room like he was looking for an escape route.

But the idea of him running away from you, that you’d never see him again—that he didn’t want to ever see you again—had something horribly enlightening clicking into place in your brain.

“Are you okay!” you asked, so loud it nearly rattled the furniture. And Azul flinched in surprise. “Did I do something wrong!”

“What?” he blinked, startled. “Of… Of course not.” He cleared his throat and stood carefully, making his way towards you in the manner one may approach a rabid racoon hiding under their porch. “Perhaps you should take a seat—”

“I can’t!” you cried, frantic. “Not if you’re upset!”

Another of those owlish, outright consternated bouts of blinking. “You can’t sit?”

“No!” you wailed. That prickling, hot, tight feeling nearly overflowing out of you. “Not if it’s my fault!”

His expression twisted up into something mulish and embarrassed, and he reached up to push his glasses back up the bridge of his nose with a soft huff.

“…it’s hardly your fault,” he said, sounding so stupidly sad that you just wanted to—to—

“How can I fix it?” you tried, panicked. Because he didn’t want to be around you anymore, and you couldn’t lose him. You couldn’t!

Azul sighed, gaze shifting away yet again. He offered you a tight, little smile that felt like all sorts of lies. “It’s alright, Prefect. Truly. It’s just something…” he trailed off, that forced smirk twitching off his lips like he couldn’t help it. “Something I’m learning to live with, hmm? Nothing terrible, I promise.”

“You shouldn’t have to live with something that’s bothering you,” you argued, firm. “You’re the king of fixing other people’s problems. You’re more than allowed to use all those connections and stuff to fix your own!”

“I’m afraid it doesn’t really work like that,” he tried, awkward, and you steamrolled on.

“Why not?! You’re amazing! And fantastic! And I love you so much, and you should never have to be upset about anything. And if you’re not in my life for the rest of my life, I’d rather die!” you wailed, and gasped—clapping your hands together like the idea that had just blossomed in your skull was just beyond brilliant. “We should get married!” And then, to sweeten the deal, “Think of the tax benefits!”

“I—” Azul choked, going as red as a tomato. “Y-You—”

“—love you very much!” you finished helpfully.

He ducked his face into his hands, like he could scrub the blush right off his cheeks if he tried hard enough.

“Y-You can’t—” he spluttered into his gloves. “You can’t just say things like that.”

“Why not?” you demanded. “It’s true!”

Azul’s shoulders hunched up like he was trying make himself very, very small. And then after a long moment of near hyperventilating into his palms, he finally looked back over at you from behind the shield of his fingers.

“You…” he swallowed. “You love me?”

You nodded, certain. Becauese what else could that warm, bright, all-consuming thing be in your chest be but that?

“You,” he said again. “Love me?”

“Yes,” you agreed, never more sure of anything than that. “And we should get married.”

Azul choked again and went back to hiding behind his fingers.

“Unless…” you started, trailing off as something horrible and unsure squirmed through your chest. “Unless you don’t want to, of course. It should be your choice too. Just because I love you, doesn’t mean you have to love me, y’know?”

“That’s not what I said!” he squawked, head snapping back up so fast he nearly knocked the glasses off his face. And then he went red all over again, all the way to the tips of his ears, and he was reaching up to pull the rim of his hat down over his eyes with a curse. “I just…” he began, muffled behind the fabric of his overcoat. “Maybe… dinner first?” he choked. “Before the proposal.”

“Oh,” you blinked, startled. “Of course. That makes sense.”

“That makes sense,” Azul echoed, sounding like you’d come up from behind him and walloped him with a baseball bat rather than just suggested a completely rational and beneficial mutual engagement. “I… I don’t know why I’m surprised at all.”

You quirked a brow. “Were you… expecting me to say that?” you asked confused.

This time he did look back up at you fully. Hands lowered, and the shield of his collar gone and all. The smile he sent you was small but so, heartachingly warm that it had butterflies dancing in your stomach.

“No,” he hummed, sounding impossibly pleased. “I really, really wasn’t.”

.

.

[grimm-writings]

hello! <3 i read your dungeon meshi stuff and it was great!! is it alright if i request some relationship headcanons with chilchuk? preferably with a male s/o, but gn is alright too! thank you sm! i hope you have a good day.

chilchuck relationship headcanons!!

…ft! chilchuck x m! reader

…tags! fluff, mentions of chilchuck's wife, chilchuck bisexuality crisis, teeny weeny hurt/comfort, talk of marriage, just word vomit tbh

…wc! 1561 (UHM...)

…notes! m! reader food come get it!!!!!!!! thank you for giving me the opportunity to go crazy stupid with this request anon i love chil so much is it obvious yet

Ok let’s get one thing straight.

(He isn’t.  Haha.)

But!  In all seriousness, Chilchuck has one thing he needs to do before considering a committed relationship.

Yep, even with all the longing glances, late night conversations, and helping each other learn and grow, he has to delay the fruition of your relationship until after everything after the dungeon dies down.

Well… he just needs to talk to his past lover first.  He needs to have a long, long conversation with her, and he’ll be sure to mention you too.

He relays this to you during the great feast privately.  Despite his nervousness, the sigh of relief that escapes him is noticeable.  His shoulders slack and he closes his eyes.  Finally, it’s off his chest.

Before we talk about the actual relationship, though, let’s talk about stuff that happened during the pining phase!  Yay!

Chilchuck only had one flame his entire life, and that was his childhood friend.  He never really ‘dated’, never really had any sort of time to explore his feelings for anyone else.

To put it plainly, he had no idea he was into guys.

“I dunno, Senshi was always kind of handsome,” Chilchuck notes with Laios, and his doppelganger nods in agreement. You and Marcille pause for a second, processing the words the two men said.  Like a house pet that has certain opinions regarding these sorts of people, you side-eye one another. “How would you know that?”  You challenge. In response, one of the Chilchucks glances over at you – the more tired looking one – and he shrugs.  “Not anyone would have the kinda bold look in his eyes he has.  The pinnacle of masculinity,” he huffs with a small grin, as if daydreaming of the very such thing. You have no words.  You quite simply don’t.

It’d be a major “oh FUCK” moment when he does realise.  Honestly the entire realisation of feelings for Chilchuck is Good Medicine but times a billion.

He’s pacing he’s pulling at his hair he’s questioning how the HELL did this happen.

If he has a pillow he is screaming into it more often than he normally does.

If you’re more on the masculine side, or are a dwarf, this man is a right mess around you.

Like he’s stammering constantly and hates himself for it.  Constantly red in the face around you and has to excuse himself.

But like . Not in a gay way or anything.

(Seriously if you think how he avoids his friends is ridiculous, this is eleven times worse.)

It takes some time, but I can imagine there’s a moment in the dungeon where you kissed at least once.

Chilchuck is the one to break away first, his eyes wide and face beet red.  It doesn’t take long for him to take his hands away from where they were, interlaced with yours, to hold his face and drag his skin down in dread. “...Did you like it?”  You nervously ask.  He’s the king of mixed signals… The half-foot nods slowly, still looking like he experienced some form of unwanted enlightenment.  “Yuh–huh,” he squeaks. You smile.  That’s good enough for you.

Marcille definitely picks up on SOME tension though.  She’s oddly observant of that sort of thing.

Once you actually reveal to the party that you’re seeing each other post-canon, Marcille disrespectfully shouts “I KNEW IT!”

As Chilchuck and her have an arguing match about that, you’ll look at Laios who looks shocked.  He had no idea.  Some things never change.

Senshi and Falin are normal and actually just congratulate you.  Give them hugs for me.

BUT FINALLY ONTO ACTUAL RELATIONSHIP HEADCANONS!!!!!! (This is like 600 words so far.)

He’s still uneasy about a lot of things.  He has a deep-rooted fear of messing this up again.

When the relationship is established he might distance himself for a bit.  Not on purpose, mind you, he’s just… not sure of what to do, and he’d rather not do anything at all than mess up.

Chilchuck no that in turn is messing up noo!!!!

You’d have to tell him this and he’ll try and turn his behaviour around instantaneously.  He’ll be nervous and frustrated with himself, but take it slow and he’ll come around eventually.

His nicknames are … unique.

He’ll use stuff like “idiot” with the greatest affection in his eyes and a soft grin, but he’ll say “hey handsome” with the most dripping sarcasm and sneer.  Why is he like this—

Play with his strands of grey hair and he’s so flustered, swatting your hand away.  If he’s tired and cuddling into you, though, he… well, he wouldn’t mind it.

Speaking of cuddling!  He didn’t really do much like cuddling in his previous relationship, to your surprise.  He just shrugs and says he and his old flame weren’t that kind of people.

This is how you inadvertently find out Chilchuck is a wombo combo of touch starved and too embarrassed by it to do anything about it.  How does he live…?

He knows himself if you’re not a half-foot that him being a big spoon is too ridiculous of a notion.  Yeah, he immediately assumes he has to be the one spooning you.  He realises with time though that he… drastically prefers being in your arms.  Feeling secure, loved…  He really really likes it.

Not like you can ever get him to admit it verbally.

(You can still see it from how he relaxes into you and smiles as he drifts off into dreamland.)

It’s been a long day, and Chilchuck wants nothing more than to see you.  You look up from where you were sitting when your boyfriend enters the house and smile.  “Good evening, love.” God, your smile.  If he didn’t know he’d be coming home to this, then the work day wouldn’t have been worth it.  He sighs and smiles, walking to you and immediately falling onto your lap.  His face tucks itself into your stomach and his arms wrap around your middle. “Hm, someone’s tired,” you remark with a grin.  Chilchuck merely groans into your form. Sparing him from any teasing, you card your fingers through your hair.  You can already feel how he melts into you as he loses consciousness. You lean down and kiss the shell of his ear.  “Sweet dreams, Chil.”

For a long time, he struggles with actually calling you his boyfriend.  It’s not like he’s ashamed of you, it’s just…  It’s always been “my wife” for such a long time.  He still can’t quite fathom this change in his life.  That you’re his and he’s yours.

Eventually, he’ll be the one to proudly proclaim “my boyfriend!” when he gets the chance to mention you.  He’s quite proud of the fact he’s got you, after all.

His kisses are usually quick and brief pecks on your temple or if he’s not in reach, your hand or shoulder.  

Ugh can you imagine him taking your hand and giving a kiss to the back of it?  And you can feel his thumb ghost over your knuckles reassuringly before wishing you farewell to work?  Dying dead.

Kiss him and he’s always taken aback every time.  He still won’t be able to comprehend it no matter how many times you’ve done it.

(To be slightly on the more suggestive side… really likes making out when in the mood.  He can do that for hours with him on top of you.  Though he wouldn’t mind being underneath if he considers it…)

He daydreams more often than he likes, especially early in the relationship.  He’ll feel ridiculous for it, like some lovestruck schoolboy but… well, yeah, he IS utterly enamoured with you!  Don’t be surprised if you catch him staring at you or checking you out in some way.  Call him out, and he’ll flush with a furrowed brow and glance away.

His love language mostly comes in the form of acts of service.  Although there’s a slight bit of gift giving too.  He likes giving you wordworks or embroidery he made if he knows you like it.  Maybe he’ll make you a teddy or ragdoll if you’re into that!

You also get Chilchuck thinking about the impossible after a while.  He doesn’t try to make a big deal out of it, but it’s kinda hard when…

“I think I can give marriage a second chance,” Chilchuck says out of the blue to you one relaxing night in bed.  His hair is messed up by you burying your head into it, and your lover is tucked into your chest, holding onto your waist. His words certainly catch you off guard, and for once Chilchuck doesn’t make a thing out of being the one to fluster you for once.  Instead, he tucks his nose into your neck and sighs.  “I just…” he pauses for a few seconds.  “I think I can do it right this time.  If you’re here with me.  I think I can do it.” The silence is thick with a kind of tenderness you’d only associate with the colour pink.  It’s deep and you can feel your face glow in the heat. You pull Chilchuck closer and kiss his head. “I’d really like that Chilchuck.  I really would.” He chuckles slightly at the soft sensation, closing his eyes again. “Thank you,” he says, “I mean it.  I couldn’t have made it this far without you.”

[hxjikonn]

(Artist: @/wrt_428 on twtr)

Octavinelle trio x GN!Reader who loves exploring the ocean

☆Staring☆: Azul Ashengrotto, Jade Leech, And Floyd Leech

TW!! Just some foul words and cusses (all in a light hearted manner though nothing serious)

Synopsis: Octavinelle trio reaction to GN!Reader who loves to dive under the sea to explore.

Azul Ashengrotto

Was weirded out by you. As in “I’m gonna keep an eye on this odd human who like to go down the ocean to play with fish just incase”

He met you at a beach at night (and no not the romantic “beach at moonlight love at first sight” thing) he was looking for coins for his coin collection…and you…you just dived into the water

He didn’t care at first cuz you were just one human, but he noticed it’s been too long since you’ve went down. He thought you drowned😭

Slightly concerned he went after you but then saw you just swimming around following a group of sea horses

He kinda sorta just watched you play around, lay on the sea bed, collect a few shells and rocks you thought were pretty

You occasionally came up for air, and when you do he hides behind big rocks thinking you wont notice. (You did.)

Neither of you made a move to approach each other though. Untilllllll you found a pretty shiny coin.

Azul gasped (underwater?? Idk if you can do that but whatevs) you heard it and for the first time you actually made eye contact with the human octopus guy

Azul thought you’d be afraid of him so he started scaring you that he was a sea witch and that he’d curse you if you don’t give him the coin.

Your dumbass (yes I’m calling you out) laughed…underwater…and you were waayyy down to get up the surface without drowning.

Azul thought he scared you too much (he’s sorta dumb too lol) so one of his tentacles grabbed you and swam up as fast as he could.

Long story short, after you vomited the gallon of sea water in your system, you thanked him and gave him the coin, he was happy but didn’t try to make it obvious (it was very obvious)

You started looking for him whenever you went diving since that day, he was lowkey waiting for you everyday too and is sad when you dont come

When you do come you ask him tons of questions about his tentacles and use them as your personal chair, or cling to one of them when Azul starts swimming just because it’s fun

He acts annoyed, but he really enjoys your company. Even finding ways for you to stay underwater longer so you could stay with him more often

He tries to keep you near shore, he wants to show you around more but you’re a small human. Perfect prey for big underwater predators.

Helps you collect shells and rocks, thinks it’s endearing that you have the same hobby as he does.

And ofc Azul isn’t azul without his contracts, practically sales talk you to make a contract with him so he can make you breathe underwater

Not because he’s worried you accidentally drown or anything no totally not that /sarcasm folks *wink wink*

It’s because according to him “he wants to make you his coin searcher so he can complete his coin collection” (it’s already complete, he has like 25 complete albums just of coins…)

You never agree though 💀💀💀 I guess Azul just has a human to watch after now so they wont drown

——————————————————————————

Jade Leech

Would be fascinated by you. Bro would “observe” you for hours…

When he found you, you were laying on the sea bed…eye closed…star fish pose…he thought you were a dead body 😭😭

“Floyd forgot to clean up his mess again…” he said to himself…thinking Floyd prolly went on a squeezing spree again

He approached you, because he was gonna pull your body up shore so the other humans can deal with. But when you opened your eyes and saw the long wiggly worm fish man you freaked out

You freaked out so hard you inhaled water 💀 And it took him a few seconds to realize that you weren’t dead…but you were about to be if he doesn’t get you up

He did though, really quickly too. You thought you guys were gonna jump through a different dimension due to how fast he swam.

Once you were up, and you got the sea water you inhaled out of your system, Jade was still watching you…just staring at you with half his face still in the water, his unblinking eyes are the only ones that are surfaced…

You were scared outta your damned body but you still thanked him for saving your stupid ass.

You were more scared when he talked. 💀💀💀

“HOLY SHIT YOU CAN TALK?!!?” “yes. ^^”

He started asking questions about why the fuck you were laying down where he found you cuz tbh who wouldn’t???

You explained to him that you just like to stay underwater and explore, and that you can hold your breath for a long time so it doesn’t bother you that much

He apologized for scaring you and offered to take you to different parts of the ocean when you go diving again…

You agreed of course, and after that he’s stuck to you. Fascinated by the human who loves being underwater.

When he takes you to places, he doesn’t really go exploring with you, he just follows along, watching you curiously look at everything

You two made a signal where you blink two times to tell him you need to go up for air, and he would swim you up and wait for you to catch your breath before swimming back down

He lets you cling onto him when he swims cuz he knows you have fun when you do that.

He keeps you away from danger too, he can fight but he rather not considering you’re a fragile little human who he might put at risk when he fights off predators who’d want to eat you.

Thinks it’s cute that you play with fishes, so cute he almost buys you a collar with “Jade’s pet human” written on it 😭

Is sad when you have to go home, he understands you need to go back to your home up shore cuz your a human and you get tired

But he ALWAYS asks for an extra hour, if you’re tired, you can use him as a bed…underwater…where he’s close to you.

Tries to send subliminal messages to Azul for him to turn you into a fish already so Jade can keep you with him and you never have to leave.

——————————————————————————

Floyd Leech

Thought you were trying to find creative ways to die 😭💀

He wasn’t in a good mood when he found you, he wanted to squeeze the life out of you for trespassing in his territory

But then he saw you dancing with jellyfishes… “what in the spongebob squarepants are they doing?” He thought.

Saw you get stung a couple of times and expected you to get angry at the jellyfish but you didn’t, it hurt sure but when you got stung you just rubbed it and continued on

You were happy with what you were doing which is what made Floyd more curious, he silently followed you around after that, he didn’t bother hiding from you

In fact you notice him following you, and look at him a couple of times thinking he wants to eat you, but he doesn’t even make a move, just stares

As much as he was curious about you, you too were curious about him. So one time, you saw his tail poking out form behind a rock….you touched it…he was shocked so his first instinct was to strangle you thinking you were some guy tryna pick a fight with him…you passed out 💀

When you woke up you were up shore…instead of the sky though, you saw a couple of dilated pupils staring back at you…

“Uhhh hi?” You blinked at him a couple of times

He thought you died, he was happy you didn’t cuz he was amused by your guts to touch his tail like that knowing you could probably die

He asked if you were okay before squeezing you into a tight soul crushing hug claiming that your “his human” now

He asks you lots of questions and you try your best to answer each one, still shaken up about the near death experience you had just went through

After that he waits for you at the beach everyday, he wants you by his side all the time from then on

He clings on to you all the time when you’re underwater, wraps himself around your little body, does the swimming for you since he thinks you’re slow carrying you with him

Gets bored when you collect shells and rocks but still tries his best to be patient since you looks so cute and small just searching the sea bed for them

He doesn’t see value in the things you’re collecting but when you gave him a green rock he kept it on his shelves at home always looking at it and smiling

His mood cant always tolerate your rock and shell collecting so takes you to a ship wreck to collect shinier things.

Scares, kills, beats the living shit out of any predator who tries to harm his little human companion

He has his mood swings and the first time you encountered that you didn’t know how to handle him, he ended up hitting you with his tail hurting you in the process

You got hit so hard you thought flew across the Pacific Ocean…(I was being sarcastic on this part😭🤚🏻 y’all in replies are sending me💀💀)

When you swam up badly hurt he followed you realizing what he did and rushed to help, but you were already running out the beach when he got there

Floyd was upset the whole week, you didn’t come back and he was afraid you never will come back ever again.

When you did though he squeezed you (gently) trying not to hurt you even more he kept apologizing and for the rest of the day he was just wrapped up around you not letting you go

Doesn’t ever snap at you when he has his mood swings ever again.

Possessive of you, doesn’t want you to meet others like him cuz he thinks you’d make a lot of friends and leave him behind

“Mine.” “Floyd no.” “Floyd yes.”

A/N: This was fun to make, laughed a lot while writing this. Again…I did not proofread this I never proofread 💀💀 I’m lazy like that

Edit A/N: THX TO THAT REPLY TELLING ME THEY CANT STING OML I’M STUPID😭 I changed it though dw :D

[ilyhaitanii]

secrets, sex, cigarettes ft. ran haitani

nsfw. mentions of ran killing a man, nipple play, overstimulating, ran is very sappy towards the end, a bit angsty (srry this is kinda bad i just word vomited)

the sun has been set for hours now, the moon and night sky replacing the daylight. for hours ran has stood by the balcony, dragging a cigarette from his lips. in and out, huff and puff. he feels the cigar burning his lungs fron the inside out, yet that feeling is better than feeling numb.

he’s killed a man, again. nothing too uncommon with him anymore, but a part of him still can’t let go of the sheer disgust that controls his body after he does it. he knows exactly what to do, how to stage a death, how to hide bodies, etc. it’s all a second nature to him, yet he always finds himself back in your shared bedroom with a cig between his fingers.

your arms loop around his waist, dragging your nails up his chest. you sigh as you press your cheek to his toned back. for a moment, ran wants to tell you all the horrible things he does, how many men he kills, how he tortures them. yet, he wants you to keep the angelic, perfect image of him in your mind. perhaps it’s his ego, his need for people to adore him, so the words never escape his lips.

“what’s wrong, baby?” you say in that sweet toned voice of yours. ran evidently relaxes, smushing the cigar into the tray. ran feels your hands rubbing up and down his torso, tracing the lines of his tattoos. he feels your nails satisfyingly scratch at his skin.

he leans back, pressing his back towards your front. his head tilts back with a smile on his face. he feels your hands dragging lower and he quickly grabs them, turning to pin you against the railing.

“hi honey. ya need somethin’ from me?” his low, sickly sweet voice rings through your ears, sending goosebumps down your spine. his hands rest on your hips, nose rubbing into your neck. he leaves small kisses on your ears, trailing them down to the curve of your shoulder.

ran smells of smoke and bourbon. he’s not a heavy drinker like rindou— ran doesn’t enjoy bitter tastes and would rather indulge in the sweeter things in life. his cologne mixed with the heavy smell of tobacco makes you realize how horrible his mood truly is.

ran tends to hide his bad moods from you. he’ll drown himself in cigarettes and alcohol to cool himself off before he faces you. he can’t bare to ever upset you. it would truly break his heart. you tangle your fingers into his hair, racking them down his back. with your nails scratching his skin, ran breaks out into a shiver. he loves that feeling. he loves your hands on him.

“i just missed you,” you tend to try and drown him in your presence rather than things that can shorten his life span— his time with you. ran does find you taste a lot sweeter than the bourbon or cigarettes he nurses in his hands as he leans down to kiss you. he can taste the fresh mangos on your tongue. you’re such a thief, those were his.

“i miss you too, dolly.” he says, slightly smirking as he watches you melt into his body. your fingers trace down his torso and chest, watching his eyes follow your hands. they brush against the buckle of his pants and ran cocks an eyebrow at you.

“ya need something from me?” he proceeds to kiss your flushed cheeks, further teasing you. he’s so mean. you shake your head, giggling into the crook of his neck. you’re so cute.

“yeah i do,” you reply, smiling against his skin.

“and what would that be?” his hands lock with yours, resting on your sides.

“you in bed. it’s late,” you whisper in his ear, tugging at his lobe. “i’d like my husband to warm it up for me. the bed is so cold without him.”

“really?” every time you express how much you want ran, he’s always shocked. his voice slightly waivers at the end, thinking this was all a dream, all some sick joke his brain was playing on him. you smile up at ran, cupping his face in your hands.

“please come to bed, ran. i want you,” your arms loop around his neck as you take a step back, pulling him with you. his lips smash onto yours, hauling your legs around his waist. ran walks you into your bedroom, abandoning the balcony. he lays you onto the bed, keeping himself slotted between your legs.

ran does not stop kissing you. his hands grip at the hem of your nightdress, lifting it above your head. the pink and black lace of your underwear catches his attention. your face flushes at his uncharacteristic forwardness. ran lifts your ankles up to his lips, kissing down your calves. his eyes are closed during the whole ordeal allowing himself to melt into the expanse of your soft skin.

ran’s fingers toy with the pretty bow on the center of your panties. he smiles at you as he dips down, kissing you once more. he deftly pulls off your bra, fingers tweaking with your nipples. your jaw hangs open, soft gasps pushing ran to do even more. his lips lock around your nipples, his tongue swirling around the bud. you squirm in his hold, the cold sir from the balcony causing your body to shiver.

ran doesn’t neglect the other bud though as his fingers tug and twist at it. he grinds himself against your clothes cunt, moaning against your skin. his mouth pulls off your body with a pop. his hands run up the sides of your body, slightly tickling you. ran kneels between your legs with his hands parting your thighs. he watches at the stain on your panties grows bigger the longer his thumb rubs at your clit through the cloth.

“she’s so wet for me, isn’t she honey?” ran kisses the outline of your clit, making your hips squirm. he shushes you, his thumbs rubbing at your hips. “don’t run away from it. it’ll feel so good,” he finally slides the lacy underwear down your legs, watching your slick stick to it. he coos at the sight, making you cover your face. you turn onto your stomach, raising your hips against ran’s bulge.

he smiles, rubbing your hips with his thumbs, rubbing his free hand up and down your spine. he unbuckles his belt, freeing himself from his underwear. it slaps against his torso, the angry red tip leaking. he lines himself up with your hole. you whine against the pillow, begging for him to hurry.

“shh, be patient, my love.” he kisses the middle of your spine, before pushing himself all the way in. you instantly tighten around him, mewling into the sheets. he doesn’t bother to pull out again and simply grinds himself against your most sensitive spot.

your hips twitch in his hold, pulling yourself higher onto the bed. ran slams you back towards him, hips flush against yours.

“uh, uh. stay still,” he immediately pulls out, leaving the thick tip inside. he then slams back in, keeping this rhythm. you grab at the sheets, drooling into the sheets. your hand reaches behind you to grab at ran’s.

“please, it’s too mu- oh my god!” ran’s arms wrap around your waist, pulling your back to his chest. he continues to thrust into your as your head rolls onto his shoulder. “fuck, ran. this is too much. i can’t,” you sob and whine.

you feel yourself getting closer to the edge, eyes rolling back into your head. ran fuck you so good to the point you can’t think. ran reached forward to rub your clit. that pushes you over the edge so hard. you cum around his dick, silently screaming.

ran is so much rougher than usual. a mix of his frustrations, and drunken daze makes him like this. sure, the two of you will definitely talk about this later, but you enjoy it to the fullest. “you can take it, baby. take it, pretty girl.” his hands tug at your hair as he continues to rut against you. you continue to moan and squeal.

“fuck, baby. you’re so fucking cute. squealing and squirming around me, huh?” ran watches your hand grab at the sheets again. he groans into your ears, panting and heaving. he feels your cunt tighten around him again and he knows you’re so close to cumming.

you’re horribly sensitive, twitching and sobbing. but, ran keeps fucking you, turning you onto your back. his hands grab at your waist, his cock thrusting in and out. your arms loop around his neck, scratching at his shoulders and back.

“ran, please!” you repeat his name like you’re hypnotized, tears rolling down your cheeks. ran gently kisses your tears away. it’s a complete 180 from his previous behavior, but it’s warmly welcomed. “ran,” you whine his name. as he continues fucking into you, he says your name back.

“ran, i love you. i love you so much,” your fingers tug at his hair as you cum one last time before ran is spilling his seed into you. you feel warm and full, brain fuzzy. you cling onto ran as he calms himself down from his high. his lips find your again, thumb rubbing at your tears.

“i love you,” ran mumbles in between kisses. “i love you. i love you. i love you.” he keeps repeating this over and over. his hips buck up into you, making you squeal again. “one more time, baby. i love you, please, one more time?”

ran watches you nod your head. he kisses you like he’s crazy, hands in your hair, pulling your body closer to his. ran wants to stay here with you forever. he never wants to leave the comfort of your apartment, your arms, your shared bed. he never wants to leave you. ran wants to do better, he wants to quit. but ran realizes if he were to tell you the truth, would his paradise come crashing down? he couldn’t live with that. so for now, ran haitani will keep his lips sealed. only allowing words of adoration towards you escape them. he’ll keep this secret til either he dies or you find out.

© ilyhaitanii - please do not repost, translate, or plagarize any of my content, and do not repost it to any other platforms

[nanaminsmoon]

Could we maybe get a p2 to ‘no good’? Where we lowkey regret what happened at the party & have a stronger resolve and Connie has to grovel for forgiveness and change his ways,, after they make up, while Connie’s in it he’s upset cus how could we keep the pussy away from him for so long 🤭

so...i was never gonna go a pt.2 to this but i'm so glad you asked for this because i kinda like it more than pt.1. but~~~i hope you like it👀

pt1<33

cw: connie is real romantic in this one so there's not much to say, public fingering+dry humping, implied oral (f receiving), n word usage, connie calls reader; 'ma', and 'hermosa'(gorgeous), 'rapido' (faster/hurry up), it's weirdly kinda sad at the end lol.

wc: 3894

small jolts of pain sprung through your body, as pupils pushed at the salacious marks on your thighs, making the walk away from the bathroom a shameful one. well, that and the nut slipping out of you. both those things did nothing for the vomit inducing guilt twisting around in your stomach, permeating your stomach lining to laden your every step. you wished you had stood your ground a little more, but you gave in to connie because it was what your heart wanted. fucking him wasn’t where your regrets lay, it was with the fact that you had been a recovering addict, once again encountering the thing you were trying so hard to heal from. now, all you could was leave, and hope you’d never see connie ever again. even if it meant really cutting everyone off this time. mikasa included.

”hey girl, imma go now. but thanks for having me—”, you pulled her outside to announce your departure. and mikasa just cut you off, a dramatic frown on her face.

”y/n, you can’t go now. the party hasn’t even started yet”, her hand delicately gripped onto your wrist, trying to pull you back into the house, but your feet remained firmly placed underneath you. and she turned to see why you weren’t moving.

”i know, but i just…”, you sighed out, ”i really can’t be here if connie is here too. i just can’t.”, you shook your head, and mikasa nodded in understanding. despite not inviting him, she wasn’t surprised connie was here, but she hated that it meant you had go so soon.

”but…just five more minutes”, her hands clasped together in desperation, but your decision had long been made and there would be no changing it.

”i’d love to, but if he’s here for those five minutes then i can’t be”, was all you said to mikasa, before you turned to go find your uber home.

the few weeks after the connie-bathroom incident were, fortunately, very quiet. you didn’t see him, or any of his friends, once. and your life started to feel the same way it did before you had met him. even if any man who tried to approached you was compared to him; from dress sense, to height, to build, down to the way he spoke to you. connie was like a viral rash that refused to go away; one that implored for attention, but you knew that scratching it again would only make you break out in hives. so ignored were the thoughts that randomly popped into your mind, telling you to unblock him and ask him if he really meant those words; ’how could i not love you?’, or if they were just some ploy to lure you back into his life again. only for him to go back to his old ways, and hurt you all over again. because you were sure that’s how things would play out.

however, unbeknownst to you, connie had changed. every girl that wasn’t you, a relative, or close friend, had been deleted from his phone; instagram dms, numbers, dating apps. all of it had been erased, and a picture of you asleep in his bed had been made his lockscreen. ymir told him to manifest you back in his life, telling him: ”if you act like she’s your girlfriend, then she will be”. and, as dumb as that sounded at first, he was really clutching at straws. he just needed you, and only you, back in his life. this transformation hadn’t been a voluntary one, more so the product of a torturous snowball effect, caused by an avalanche of everything he had ever known about himself, burying him in everything that he now knew. it was the product of late nights of heavy balls placing him balls deep in some girl he had met on tinder; no matter what she did, no matter how deep in her throat his tip travelled, his balls would only empty at the thought of you underneath him. it was the product of seeing couples at his university campus, and being envious. envy quickly turned to fury at the realisation that he had once had a warm hand to hold, and he let it go because of self-sabotage and oblivion.

lockscreen changes and introspection could only get him so far, and they could only keep him sane for so long. connie just wanted you—a feat he knew was next to impossible because you had washed your hands of him completely. he was still blocked on everything, and he had no real way of contacting you…aside from showing up at your front door. but he wouldn’t do that because he deemed it creepy. unlike, showing up at your university, and waiting for you in his car. which he did for, like, 3 hours before he finally saw you.

”y/n!”, luckily for him, you hadn’t put your headphones on yet, so you heard him. the bad news was that, as soon as you saw who was calling for you, you automatically switched directions and speed walked the other way. that wouldn’t deter connie though, knowing something like this would happen, he just started driving towards you, and just drove besides where you were walking.

”y/n. y/n, listen to me. just give me a chance to explain myself”, his words fell on deaf ears as you just kept walking. taking your headphones out of your bag would mean stopping, and stopping meant that connie could just keep talking at you. so you just kept walking, and hoped that the road he was driving on would have a turn.

”hello~? i know you hear me”, connie’s head was constantly switching between facing you, and the road.

”then you should realise that i’m ignoring you.”, you finally chided. a win is a win in connie’s mind so, even if you were basically telling him to leave you alone, at least you were talking to him.

”you still haven’t unblocked me”, he said, watching you instead of the road.

”why would i?”, you refused to face him, so you just kept looking at the path ahead of you.

”i miss you”, he confessed, ”like a lot. it’s killing me actually.”, if he had said this to you a few months ago, you might forgiven him and taken him back, but things had changed.

”why’s that my problem?”,

”it’s not. but, just get in the car for a second, and let’s talk”,

”we have nothing to talk about, connie”, your pace picked up, and the path you were approaching had no road beside it, so connie just parked his car, and got out. walking behind you, he spoke,

”y/n, i just need one more chance. i meant every single word i said at mikasa’s”, your ears perked up, and so did those of the other students walking around you, ”i do love you. i do want to be better this time round, and i want to give you everything you deserve plus loads of other shit on top of that—”, connie’s spiel was cut short by you **turning around. causing him to stop dead in his tracks as you slowly walked over to him,

”you can’t park there, they’ll give you a ticket.”, you pointed behind him, and as he turned to see, you began to walk away. connie reached out to grab your arm, pulling you back to him.

”fuck the ticket. go out with me. tomorrow. i’ll plan everything, just wear something cute and show up. that’s all i ask of you. if you hate it, then we’ll never speak again”, you dropped your gaze to your hand, firmly clasped in both of his, before looking back up at connie’s face.

”we’re not meant to be speaking right now”,

”but we are.”, he lifted your hand to his lips, kissing your knuckles, ”that’s gotta mean something, right?”, your face was blank. but your true feelings were exposed when you yanked your hand from him.

”no.”, connie’s shock was written in his eyes, and it stayed there as you continued, ”i meant what i said too; we’re done. as in, finished. don’t come back here, connie”, were your last words to connie before you walked away from him. and he just stood there, watching you leave; the heaviness of his heart causing it to drop to his shoes, so he couldn’t even run after you.

it would take a while for that weight to lift, so connie just sat in that rejection for a few months. but, sick of seeing his friend constantly moping around over a girl he fucked over, ony was the one who suggested connie to try getting back with you again. he assumed that showing up somewhere like your uni, or house, was a terrible idea so he just told connie to send some flowers to your place.

”the fuck’s that gonna do?”, connie remarked in confusion.

”nigga, you put a note in the flowers.”, ony nudged him, “and be nice because you’ll probably only get one chance before she catches on it’s you and starts throwing them out without even reading the note on it”, ony had advised. so that’s what connie did, he bought you your favourite flowers, sent them to your place, and just waited.

you got them two days after he sent them, and you could already guess who they were from. but the note confirmed it, reading:

”i’m so sorry for everything. y/n, you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and you deserved better than what i gave you. you don’t have to love me again, you don’t have to trust me again, you don’t even have to commit to me again. let’s just go on a date. or whatever you’d like. let’s spend some time together. if you’re down, meet me outside your apartment building at 4 tomorrow. wear something fancy<3 - c”

you mulled it over for a few seconds before walking over to your wardrobe to find something to wear. you didn’t know how the night would end, but you wanted him to spend it realising what he had lost. so you wore a dress that represented that.

connie knew he was taking a risk that could potentially make him more depressed than he was before, but that didn’t stop him from getting dressed and driving to your place. fingers moving anxiously on his steering wheel were calmed into stillness when connie saw you stood outside your apartment complex, dress blowing in the wind, as you swayed slightly looking around. it was your turn to be nervous, when you looked up to see his car. he pulled up right in front of you before getting out of the car to walk to the side you were stood at, to open your door,

”you’re beautiful, you know that?”, he gestured for you to get in the car, and his hand itched to just smack your ass. but, he was here for forgiveness, and he wouldn’t be granted it if he acted like that. so he just closed the door behind you, and walked back to the driver’s side.

”what, no compliment back? i haven’t dressed up like this in years”, connie teased, and you rolled your eyes. as much as you didn’t want to, you had to admit that connie looked really good; dressed in a black dress shirt, black dress trousers, and black dress shoes. as always, he smelled divine. but you couldn’t give in to him from the very beginning.

”you don’t look bad”, you shrugged, looking out the window. connie just laughed at you, reaching his arm across to you to flick your chin with his index finger.

“it’s been so long you can’t even compliment me right?”, he teased again, and when you moved his hand from your face, he poked your side.

”connie, stop before i make you turn this damn car around”, you threatened, but connie just let out another laugh.

”and if i don’t? then what? you’ll walk back home?”,

”if i have to, yeah”,

”okay, i’ll stop. but…it’s just ‘cause i missed you so much. i’ll chill though”, he moved his hand away from you, but he’d still be looking at you every chance he could.

”you ain’t miss me?”, he teased again, and you turned to look at him blankly before shaking your head.

the evening was nice, and the food was amazing. being in connie’s company, nothing ever felt forced, so things just progressed very smoothly. and an evening of flirtatious glances and comments, led to connie’s lips crashing into yours. with your back against his car because he couldn’t wait until you got back to your apartment. regard for your location had been left in the restaurant as your dress shifted higher on your body at the hands of the man kissing and sucking on your neck. and, honestly, connie would’ve taken you right then and there if it wasn’t for a restaurant staff member asking you guys to refrain because of other patrons.

”sorry”, connie chuckled, hands pulling your dress down before opening your door. he apologised one more time to the guy that worked there, before rushing over to his side of the car. as soon as he got in, his lips were attached to yours again, tongue entering your mouth, as his hand rested on the side of your face.

”backseat?”, he whispered into your mouth, and you had to pull back and look at him like ’really?’.

”what?”, he chuckled.

”i thought you changed, and now you want to fuck in your backseat?”, he chuckled again, before shrugging at you, ”when i look like this?”, you motioned at your dress, and he backed off you. holding his hands up in defeat, before he just started the car,

”you’re right. what was i thinking?”, he said, and you just kissed your teeth and put your seatbelt on, ”when you look this good, i need to fuck you into a mattress, not a car seat”,

you didn’t even make it to your front door before the pink fabric covering you was moving upwards again, the newfound draft hitting the cold wet patch at the front of your underwear. connie’s hands were grabbing and kneading at whatever they could, as you fumbled to unlock your door. not only were his hands busying themselves with distracting you, but his lips were fully occupied; leaving wet kisses all over your neck and jaw. these, in tandem, made your concentration levels drop dramatically, but connie wasn’t letting up,

”connie, wait”, you breathed out, and a hum of rejection rumbled on your neck.

”rapido, hermosa, i need you”, heavy breaths rolled out of connie’s mouth, to transfigure into light whimpers as connie pushed the growing tent in his dress trousers against you. because your lower half was basically fully exposed, connie had no issue wrapping his arm around you to put his hand in your thong, and rub your clit.

”connie, let me just open the door first”, your pleas were unheard, and connie’s hands kept moving. as did his hips—desparate for more of you. he could’ve gotten more of you if he just let you unlock the door, but his mind had short-circuited the first time your lips met at the restaurant car park, and he was working off pure instinct now. hopes and prayers that your neighbours wouldn’t see this plagued the small bit of your mind that wasn’t losing it. your forehead had fallen to rest on the door in front of you, as connie’s chest was pushing you into it. one of his fingers had found your entrance, as his thumb continued its task on your clit. the same could not be said for his other arm that he had placed around your center to keep you from falling over. its task had been neglected as his hand had rose to take your tit out of your dress—squeezing at it, and pinching at your nipple. you knew better than to let this man finger you in your apartment hallway, but the sounds of him sucking on your earlobe, and kissing the space behind your ears, made it very difficult for you to care anymore. so you spread your legs further apart, and just let him do whatever he wanted with you. that built courage inside connie. the hand that was on your tit moved to undo his belt, the button to his dress trousers, before finally pulling them down to his midthigh. his dick was hard enough now for him to just fuck himself against your clothed pussy—the pool of precum collecting at the front of his boxers growing quickly. the concern that one of your neighbours might hear the low moans and groans leaving your mouths grew fainter, until it was fully replaced by connie’s words in your ears,

”i need to fuck you so bad, ma. i’m about to nut in my boxers at the thought of it”, you had no response. even if you could think one up, it would’ve been stolen from you by the intense orgasm that washed over you. connie’s followed yours, and once he removed his hands from you, his tongue was swirling around his fingers.

the taste of you on his tongue drove connie wild. so, as soon as you made it into your bedroom, he was stripping you of your dress, and laying you on you back, as he ate you out like doing so would save him from eternal hellfire. obviously, you came not too long after he started, and when he came up from in between your legs, he had the biggest grin on his face. he quickly stripped himself of all his clothes, and within seconds he was knelt between your legs, stroking himself. his eyes were transfixed—like, if this man had a tail, he would’ve flown away with how hard it would’ve been wagging.

”how’re you more beautiful than i remember?”, his quiet words of admiration fell onto you, and you shrugged up at him, obviously shy.

”why so quiet? you’ve never been one to be shy with me, talk to me”, he had one hand on either side of your head as he placed light pecks on your lips, waiting for them to part so something could come out of them.

”’s just been a while”, you kept pecking his lips, and he pulled back.

”too long, ma. it’s been too long.”, he placed one final kiss on your lips, before positioning himself at your leaking hole. unlike that night at mikasa’s, connie was gentle with you because, as corny as it sounded to his own ears, he didn’t want to fuck you—he wanted to make love to you. meaning he couldn’t rush it; he would push himself into you very slowly, allowing you to adjust to him, and the way that one vein sent tingles down your spine.

he was slow with you, but he still managed to hit every spot needed to make your eyes roll into the back of their sockets. perhaps due to your history together (or the fact that this man is a slut™), connie knew what your body would react to too well. and, as a result, all it took was both of your legs over his shoulders, and a few wet kisses on your neck, for your swollen lips to produce a sweet cacophony. wherein, in between elongated mewls of his name, connie could hear a word very similar to ’love’, and that alone was enough for him to never want to look at anyone that wasn’t you ever again. regardless of gender. and, coming down from your high, you could feel that connie hadn’t cum yet—probably because he always put your pleasure first. but, you could also feel him holding back. which was very unlike him. you knew you would need to push him a little, so that’s exactly what you did,

”if-f this your pussy n-now, show m-me why”, connie froze for a second, then his body moved on its own. for the first time that night, you were presented with the connie springer you had always known. romanticism was thrown out of the window for a moment as he pushed your legs against your chest, moaning loudly at how good you felt,

”don’t know how i went so long without this, hermosa, i’m losing it right now”, even if you wanted to reply, you couldn’t because he was fucking the wind out of your lungs.

”why’d you keep doing this to me, ma?”, he said, referring to you keeping heaven on earth away from him.

”y-you d-do it to yourself-f”, your hands reached to dig into connie’s forearms; your hands were the only things that could help you, because you had been fucked void of coherent speech, and your eyes were barely focusing with how much they were rolling. you could feel yourself about to cum again, and so could connie.

”and it ain’t gonna happen ever again. trust.”, the way you twitched around him made it hard for him to keep himself together but luckily for him, all he had to do was drop one of your legs, and wrap a hand around your throat, for you to come undone underneath him. connie had been fighting holding his nut back since the second he was fully inside you, so once your walls clamped around him, he unravelled immediately. but, as soon as he could steady himself again, connie would be moving inside of you.

your hands and eyes tangled in each other, did to connie the very things that he had been running away from for years. it tickled that one spot in his chest that he had forgotten held the ability to produce sensation. it made the ducts he had tried to close up, melt open, and connie didn’t even know they could work the way they once did until his vision grew blurry and when he blinked, a saltine droplet landed on your cheek.

”fuck”, he paused to swipe his thumb against your cheek, ”sorry ‘bout that”, he muttered, and you shook your head at him. up until this point, his sincerity had been a point of contention but, unless he was a master manipulator and award winning actor, you could finally see how losing you had affected him. you hoped it would cement his change in behaviour, but the only way to confirm that would be to walk that walk with him; hand in hand, just like you were right now.

© Rights owned by nanamoonsinc. Do not repost without permission.

[onceuponaoneshotfanfic]

Hey, I was wondering if you'd do a Roy Kent x reader series (maybe) where she asks him to pretend they're boyfriend/girlfriend because her ex-boyfriend is marrying her somewhat younger sister. Kinda like The Wedding Date (if you've seen it). Ends up happily ever after?

Ahh, I was going to originally try to do this in one go, but decided to do this in a few small parts so I can get some fluff breaks while working on my longer fic. Here's part one!

Playing Pretend (Part 1)

Roy Kent x Reader

1.9k words

Warnings: Language, references to possible cheating, mutual pining, major rom-com vibes

Summary: The reader has a huge favor to ask Roy Kent- a guy who can never say no to her.

Series Masterlist

“What the fuck d’you want me to do?”

“Be my boyfriend,” you explained slowly. “At the wedding.”

Roy wrinkled his nose. “There’s really no one else you can ask?”

You let out a giant sigh and tapped the side of your beer bottle. “I mean, sure, maybe. But you’re Roy fucking Kent. You’d be kind of perfect.”

His eyes bore into yours. Roy Kent had known you quite literally your whole life; he could still remember when his very pregnant mother took him to the hospital to meet you, his sister’s future best friend. Your families were ridiculously close. Up until you were about sixteen, he thought of you as an annoying little bonus sister; then, one Christmas, he came home and suddenly felt decidedly un-brotherly towards you. The way you smiled at him, the way you wore that pink dress, the way you kissed his cheek before you left at the end of the party, all of it made something snap in his brain. For years after that, the very sight of you burned his chest. But there was no way he could tell you; his little sister’s best friend? Cliché.

But those cliché feelings meant he couldn’t say no to you. Not when you’d called him late at night needing to escape from skeevy dates. Not when you’d begged him for an autograph from Jamie Tartt. Not when you’d demanded to know where he got the kebabs he brought to his sister’s parties. And definitely not now, when your heart was in a million pieces as you watched your baby sister get ready to marry your ex-boyfriend.

The idea was insane, you freely admitted that. But the situation you found yourself was equally insane, if you were being honest.

You had dated Jim for years. And Roy fucking hated him. The guy was everything Roy wasn’t: friendly, outgoing, affable, posh, clever. And you loved him. Your parents loved him. Everyone loved him.

When Jim ended things out of the blue three years ago, everyone was shocked. He hadn’t proposed, per se, but it was expected. Things were implied. You’d started looking at rings and thinking about venues. So, when he suddenly broke up with you, you were devastated. You’d spent more than a few nights curled up on the couch at Roy’s sister’s house, with Roy taking Phoebe out of the house so you could mourn with your best friend in peace.

Just when you thought you were pretty much over things, your baby sister Lauren came home with big news. And a ring on her finger. And Jim.

You’d quietly excused yourself from the party she’d chosen to announce her engagement at, walked into a bathroom and vomited, and called Roy. He’d picked you up and drove you to his sister’s, where he watched you drink whiskey straight from a bottle and cry in his sister’s arms.

Now you sat next to him at a bar, where you’d asked him to meet you so you could ask him a huge favor. He’d expected tickets to a match, or help moving to a new flat, or asking him to donate a fucking kidney, literally anything but this. A weekend at some posh estate where your whole family would be celebrating your sister and fucking Jim, watching your heart break all over again sounded like absolute shit to Roy.

But you looked at him with those stupid pleading eyes. “Please, Roy,” you begged. “You’re the only guy I trust enough for this. You’ll protect me. You always protect me.”

There it was. It wasn’t just having the big football star on your arm to show off to everyone; it was having someone you felt safe with. Someone who wouldn’t mock you. Someone who understood. And Roy was always determined to be that person.

“Fine. I’ll fucking do it.”

His cheek burned like fire where you kissed him in gratitude. “Thanks a million Roy! This is why you’re my favorite fella.

Favorite fella. You’d called him that for years. Your mother was the first person to say it after seeing the way you toddled after him all the time once you’d learned to walk. Through the boyfriends you had, through the models he dated, you assured him time and time again that he’d always be your favorite fella.

Roy ignored the warmth in his chest and sipped his beer. “Doesn’t it feel a bit like you’re stealing your sister’s thunder? Bringing a professional footballer as your date?” he mused, anxious to move the conversation along and distract himself from how fucking pretty you looked.

The shrug you gave held a coldness he didn’t know someone as kind as you could muster. “Well, she did steal my boyfriend.”

The smirk that Roy gave made your heart flutter, reminding you of all the pining you’d done for him over the years. “Fair enough.” He looked thoughtful. “You don’t have to answer but… did he… and she…?” He nodded emphatically, not sure how to finish that sentence.

Another shrug. “Who fucking knows? I don’t need to know. They didn’t have the decency to tell me they’d started shagging, that’s all I need to know.”

Roy’s heart was sad to see the hurt in your eyes. He quickly changed his tone. “Can’t believe my sister isn’t invited. Figured you’d wrangle her into keeping you company all weekend.”

You snorted, one of Roy’s favorite sounds. “Oh, she was,” you corrected him. “She’s protesting because she hates Jim and my sister.” You raised your bottle to Roy appreciatively. “Yet another reason to invite you- I need at least one Kent there. And Phoebe couldn’t do shots with me or carry me back to our room when I’m sloshed.”

That was a job Roy wouldn’t mind doing. “Bit surprised I didn’t get an invite. Only known Lauren since she was fucking born.”

“Oh, there was no way you were getting invited. Jim hates you.” Your tone was so matter of fact it took Roy off guard.

“Excuse me?” Roy’d had no idea the disdain was mutual.

You nodded, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. “Yeah, when we were dating, he did not like me hanging out with a dishy footballer. Hates your guts.” Your face lit up playfully. “Yet another reason you’re the perfect wedding date.”

Another smirk crossed his bearded face. “Dishy? Is that his word or yours?”

With a laugh, you shoved him, slipping into that familiar old comfort, the one that made you forget he was Roy Kent. “Don’t go getting a big head, otherwise you won’t fit in the car.”

~

Two weeks later, Roy felt his grip on the steering wheel tighten as he pulled into the drive of the estate the two of you would be spending the weekend at. Of course Jim’s family had gone all out for the wedding. Wanker.

Your leg shook almost violently as your eyes darted around. Instinctively, Roy reached out and took your hand, giving it a squeeze.

“Three days,” he reminded you. “That’s all we’ve gotta get through. Rehearsal dinner tomorrow, wedding Saturday, stupid brunch on Sunday.”

Looking down at your intertwined fingers, you nodded. “Maybe we can skip brunch?” you joked.

Deciding he should start playing the doting boyfriend now, he lifted your hand to his lips and pressed a soft kiss to the back of your hand. “We can abso-fucking-lutely skip brunch.”

And you knew he meant it. Roy always meant it. It was one of the million things that made him your absolute life-long unattainable crush that you thrust into the back of your mind. You always felt like a dumb little kid around him, as if you never quite outgrew the childhood you’d shared, but part of you hoped this weekend together would maybe help him see you in a different light. Besides, Roy’s sister was right when she suggested that Roy would really get under Jim’s skin.

As if summoned, Jim came bounding out of the house, waving at the familiar sight of your car. You felt your breath catch as you gazed at him. Jim. Your Jim. At least, what used to be your Jim.

You got out of the car and waved back. “Hey there!” you called, as if you hadn’t spent the last nine months avoiding him at every family gathering he and Lauren attended.

His smile faded when Roy got out of the car, wearing that signature scowl of his. “Roy!” Jim shouted, quickly recovering. “Didn’t know you were coming.” Now in front of you, he leaned closer. “Thought you were bringing that mystery boyfriend of yours,” he whispered, ignoring the fact that Roy could hear him.

Alright. Here we go. Time to sell it.

“I did,” you chirped brightly. You waved Roy over and wrapped an arm around his waist, while he placed a hand on your shoulder. “Surprise!”

For all the years you’d spent with Jim, you’d never seen him so red in the face. “Oh! Wow! That’s great!”

Roy smiled, a smug grin that felt so fucking good on his face. “It is great, isn’t it? Me and this one, finally getting together.”

Jim cleared his throat, squirming like a worm. “Right. Well, when did this-”

“Sister!”

Lauren came sprinting out of the house, squealing as if you were her favorite person in the world. She wrapped you in a hug and planted multiple kisses on your cheek. When she pulled back, she finally noticed Roy.

“Oh. Roy. What’re you doing here?”

“Nice to see you too, Lauren,” he muttered through his teeth.

Your sister turned to you. “What happened to mystery boyfriend? I was so looking forward to meeting him,” she pouted.

You laid a hand on Roy’s stomach, pulling him close, pretending as if you did this all the time and not just in your dreams. “Well, I’m not sure introductions are necessary, considering you’ve known him forever,” you joked, hoping your tone was light.

Lauren looked as if she was doing a difficult maths problem. “I’m sorry, Roy? Your mystery boyfriend is Roy? As in, known him our whole lives, football phenomenon, used to chase you around the backyard with spiders Roy? That Roy?” Her eyes darted to Jim, who looked just as confused. “Are you joking?”

“Absolutely not,” you lied. “You said I could bring a date. I told you I’d bring my boyfriend.” You nodded towards Roy. “There he is. Is there problem or can we grab our things?”

That superior smile your youngest sister often wore appeared. “Oh, you don’t have to do that.” She judged Jim. “Love, could you send someone to grab their things?”

Roy rolled his eyes with one of his familiar groans. “Just tell me where the fucking room is. I can carry my own shit.” After a quick look from you, he cleared his throat. “Sorry, just a bit tired from the drive. And, if we’re being candid, kind of want to get this one alone for a bit before dinner, you know?” A kiss landed on the top of your head, painting your face a deep red.

The bride and groom both gawked at you, as if waiting for one of you to shout that you were kidding, that you were pathetically alone and that Roy was leaving. When neither of you did, Lauren cleared her throat. “Right. Um, when you go inside the housekeeper can show you where to go.” She turned to Jim. “We should go, er, check on that thing, right darling?”

Jim nodded, his eyes on you. “Right, right.” He offered a small wave. “We’ll see you later then.”

As soon as they were out of sight, Roy looked down at you, eyebrow quirked. “Well. This’ll be a fun weekend, hmm?”

[boydepartment]

still into you- nishimura riki x reader

a/n: THIS WAS REQUESTED BY ONE OF MY ANONS HERE!

request: now months later reader's in the practice room, late at night on the floor, catching their breath while the music plays in the background softly. it was then when Ni-Ki slams open the door not expecting anyone to be there and their eyes meet through the reflection of the mirror dance rooms have

warnings- none tbh :3 just both of them being goofy

wc- 300-400

MASTERLIST

sprawling out on the practice room floor was like clockwork to you. especially after a long day of dancing and cardio.

it helped to keep you distracted too, your work was everything to you. it helped fill a void that you didn’t even want to think about right now.

you stretched out hearing a couple pops, laughing to yourself before flipping on your stomach to go on your phone.

frowning when you turned it on it was a wallpaper of you and your ex. you really need to delete it, it was still in the wallpaper album that changes it every hour.

it was just a reminder of the void, you weren’t even mad at him anymore. you missed him and wished you had communicated with him more. it’s one of your biggest regrets…

sighing you opened tiktok so you could have your break. your music from your ipad connected to the speakers playing softly in the background. ironically enough still into you by paramore was playing.

you were about to like a video when the door slammed open, scaring you so bad you jumped back.

“GO AWAY IM ABOUT TO PRACTICE!” the boy laughed before walking in, not even taking in your presence as he was looking down at his phone.

for a split second you took in his appearance now. it changed a lot, he looked like he bulked up, his hair was cut shorter, WAS THAT A TATTOO ON HIS FOREARM?

you blinked and he finally looked up at you, “oh.”

oh? that’s all he was gonna say to you? OH? after months of not talking… OH???

“um.” you quickly got up, grabbing your ipad, phone, and hoodie, “you can have the room haha it’s fine anyways-“

“wait no…” riki quickly ran to the door and blocked it, as you were making a beeline to the exit.

you looked up at him, your stuff pooling out of your hands, “get out of my way!”

“no!”

“what the hell!” you started to laugh, “you can have the practice room! let me go!”

“no!” riki said again, now using his arms and legs to block the door, “please don’t leave i really- i just-“

you set your stuff down by your feet, “you need to what? finally explain yourself, apologize for being a dick?”

riki was about to talk, “i-“ he put his hand up, “yeah…”

“little late for that.” you went to pick up your stuff again and you saw him trying to look through his brain for anything. his body slumping against the door now.

part of you felt kinda bad. the breakup was a little messy, him being busy, him not being able to tell you that he loves you, you both being a little short tempered. it just wasn’t the right time for either of you. you didn’t hold bad blood or anything. it was just awkward

you grabbed your stuff properly this time, “okay, move. it’s not funny or cute anymore.”

“anymore? you thought it was funny and cute before?” he put his hands and legs almost in a starfish position again against the door. grinning with that all too familiar mischievous smile of his.

“riki! i’m serious! i’ve been practicing forever, i smell bad and i need to get food!” you tried to move past him. you couldn’t help the small giggles escaping you.

“no! i can’t! i need to tell you that im in love with you still and im sorry i didn’t say it before because i was scared to!” at this point he was word vomiting.

you looked up at him, “you are?”

riki’s eyes were still closed, he nodded rapidly, the last nod he hit his head against the door. which left you falling over laughing.

riki looked horrified, did he just embarrass himself? what if you had another boyfriend already? or girlfriend? it’s been months.

“you’re so cute.”

oh…

his ears turned bright red as he watched you laughing on the floor. you looked up at him with that same sweet smile you had previous to your breakup. he sat down on the floor in front of you.

“i meant what i said…” he said as your laughter died down and you were left staring at eachother.

you smiled at him again, “i still love you.”

his eyes widened and he smiled back, “you do?”

“yes i do.”

he jumped up and did a little dance before grabbing your hands and lifting you up. hugging you and swinging you around.

“i love you so much i’m sorry i didn’t say it before. i really do love you.” he set you down, “even if you smell bad after practicing.”

you shoved his shoulder and riki laughed, “i’m kidding i’m kidding!”

you hugged him again, your arms shaking around his waist.

“can i come with you to eat dinner then?”

“as my boyfriend or my ex?” you mumbled. you felt his arms hold you back, his chin on your head.

“as your boyfriend obviously… if that’s okay…”

you smiled up at him, “yeah that’s okay, if you’re okay with me being stinky?”

he sighs dramatically and raises his eyebrows, “guess thats okay.”

you both start laughing before getting into a debate on what to eat together.

[seeingivy]

the morning after! 

roommate eren x f!reader 

you and eren talk about scars

**mini-series masterlist here 

content warning: talk of scars, mentions of a not so nice ex boyfriend, eren’s not wearing a shirt, cuddling (kinda), eren roasts you for having bed head, mentions of a fight

previous part linked here

- 

You wake up to find yourself tangled in Eren’s arms. Your cheek is resting directly on his chest, one of his hands secured in your hair and the other one wrapped around your waist. You think back to how you used to sleep with stuffed animals when you were little and silently wonder if this is how they felt when you went to bed every night. 

The events of last night rattle through your brain - Eren spilling the water, taking his pants off, his fingers ghosting on your shoulder - and you can’t help but feel the despair settle in. He was going to make you move and find a new roommate, wasn’t he?

You feel Eren shift against you, his eyes slightly fluttering open. He’s murmuring against your hair but you’re unable to make out what he was trying to say. You shift your head slightly up to find him staring down at you, his eyes squinting. 

“You okay?” 

You nod silently, putting your head back against his chest to avoid looking at him. The two of you stay that way in silence for a while, coiled in each other's embrace. You try to find the words to break the silence, but none seem appropriate to say. 

“What happened last night? I can’t remember.” he whispers. 

You swallow hard. Moment of truth. 

“You came home, drunk. I helped you in and you asked for some water, which you kind of spilled all over us. I took you to your room and you threw up a little bit. I put you to bed after that.” 

He’s silent, the two of you staring at the ceiling. He’s trying to figure out a way to get you out of his apartment. Fast. 

“You’re leaving parts out.” 

“What? No, I’m not.” 

“None of that explains how you ended up in my bed, peaches.” 

You feel his hand stroking through your hair, the tension in your chest settling a little. Peaches. He still called you peaches. He’s stroking your hair. He’s probably not mad. Right? You take a deep breath before talking again. 

“You came home drunk at around three in the morning. I tried to get you to drink some water but you kind of spilled it on both of us. I figured putting you to bed was the best thing I could do - but you threw up a good amount before you could actually get there.” 

He winces. 

“I remember that part.” 

You give him a small laugh, which he returns with a smile. 

“After that, your clothes were still wet from the water - and your vomit - so I figured it would be best to change. I got your clothes and-” 

“You took my shirt off. Asked me about the cleat marks.” he finishes. 

You shift up off his chest, leaning over him to check them again. You had forgotten about them entirely, hoping you weren’t pushing too hard on them during the night. You brush your fingers against the scratches, still bright pink. 

“Does it still hurt, Ren?” you whisper. 

He shakes his head, his hand reaching for your hair. He pushes the loose strands behind your ears, as you run your fingers around the mark. He doesn’t push you off or stop you. You don’t get off either. 

“You should worry about that bedhead, silly girl. You look like the stuff of my nightmares.” 

“You’re no sleeping beauty yourself, asshole.” 

The stirring in your chest settles, the two of you sitting in laughter before the quiet returns. It’s comfortable, but you can feel your body tingling.

“After that?” 

“I asked if you could take off your pants on your own. You tried but…you couldn’t really get the button and zipper undone….so I just did it for you and then turned around.” 

You avoid meeting his eyes, focusing on the cleat marks, the freckles on his neck, the birthmark on his side. 

“I was going to leave but you…grabbed my wrist. And you asked me to stay. Said you couldn’t really sleep without me. My shirt was still wet and you were facing the other way so I just took it off to change.” 

You can’t tell if hearing his heartbeat against your ear is making it easier for you to tell this story or harder. The sound is soothing, his arms warm but he also sets your skin on fire every time he touches you. 

He moves, lightly pulling down the edge of your shirt to expose your shoulder. He reaches forward - for a second time now - and pulls down the strap of your bralette, exposing the scar tissue indented into your shoulder. 

“I looked over. You have a scar on your shoulder. From falling off of a tree?” 

“Bike.” you whisper. 

He nods, tracing the outline of the mark again, his touch feather-like. You can feel his heart pounding in his chest, which you’re still pressed against, and are positive yours is beating even faster. 

“Do you have any other ones?” 

“Other whats?” 

“Scars.” 

You swallow, sitting up. He mimics your motion, the two of you sitting directly across from each other on the bed. 

“You first, Ren.” 

He nods. He points to his elbows, the marks on his chest, and a few gray lines on his calves. 

“Those are all from soccer cleats.” 

You nod, running your fingers along his elbows. 

“The one on my ankle, right there is from my brother Zeke. I fell down the stairs after we were chasing each other. And the one on my hip right there is from cooking without my shirt on. I turned around too fast and leaned right into the pan.” 

You laugh, your fingers moving wherever he mentioned. It feels too intimate to be doing - touching his hip, his ankle, his calves - but it also feels wrong not to. If he’s mentioning it, you have to acknowledge it in some way - and your words have always failed you. 

He’s quiet for some time, like he finished, which confuses you. He missed a scar, one you were too curious to learn about. Right above his cupid's bow is a small gray line, very faint, but visible. You’re not sure how long you had to have been staring at Eren’s lips to notice it, but you did. 

You lean forward, pressing your thumb against it.

“And that one?” 

“Was hoping you didn’t notice that one. I got it from a fight.” 

“With who?” 

“Jean.” 

You lean back, giving him a questioning look. Surely he can’t mean Jean Kirstein, like Armin’s roommate Jean. 

“We’re friends. It was a long time ago, just a disagreement we had.”

You nod, dragging your hand back to your lap. 

“Your turn.” 

You nod, pointing to the pink skin on your knee first. 

“I tried to give my little sister, Gabi, a piggyback ride. I didn’t realize she got so heavy. She jumped on me and knocked me down in to the pavement.” 

He smiles, reaching forward to touch the skin on your knee. He was going to touch your scars too. You guide his hand to your thigh, pulling up a part of your shorts to reveal the mark on the inside. 

“I was in a swimming pool. I jumped too hard and scraped it up against the stairs on the inside. It’s healed pretty well, but that mark won’t go away.” 

The burning sensation that you felt when Eren touched you was bad, but it was feeling particularly horrible now with his hand against your thigh. You ignore it as best as you can - his finger moving up the length of the mark. 

You pull your hair off of your right shoulder, lifting it up away from your head. You point to the spot just above your neck, his fingers meeting yours. He cradles your face in his hands, his eyes observing the scar.

“That’s from falling in the shower.” 

“You’re so clumsy. Maybe focus less on singing and more on balance.” 

You laugh, pulling your hand back to your lap. You stare at the scar in between your pointer and ring fingers, marked right against your knuckles. You feel Eren follow your gaze, grabbing your hand in his and rubbing over the spot. 

“And that one?” 

You swallow hard. You try to think of the right words, the right way to say what needed to be said without breaking the moment the two of you were having. You didn’t want to scare him away but lying seemed wrong in a moment like this. 

“You don’t have to, pretty girl.” 

When did silly girl become pretty girl?  

“I had this boyfriend a while back. We had an argument where he broke a glass and it just happened.” 

He’s quiet, his fingers no longer running along the mark. He still has his hand locked in yours, but the soothing touch is gone all together. You look up at him, the look in his eyes unfamiliar. 

Fuck. You went too far. 

“I’ll make breakfast, yeah?” you say, basically jumping off the bed and running out of the room. 

 -

He joins you after a few minutes, having pulled a shirt on and fixed his hair. He meets you at the stove, where you’re currently making eggs for the two of you. Eren’s always been better at making breakfast, but you’d do anything to get out of that room. 

You mull over the conversation in your head, cursing yourself for speaking too soon. He’s just your friend. You can’t just say stuff like that, especially when you’re in his bed and he’s half naked.

“Peaches?” 

“Hm?” 

“Can I see your hand please?” 

You hold out your left hand, still scooting the eggs around in the pan. You still refuse to meet his eyes, the lump in your throat and the embarrassment in your cheeks stopping you. 

“Other hand.” 

You glance down at the scar again, before switching the spatula in your hands. You now hold out your right hand for him to inspect, sweating at the thought of him looking at the mark again. 

You feel him take your hand in his. He lifts your hand up to his lips, pressing a soft kiss against the mark. You turn your head, dropping the spatula into the pan. 

“I was trying to think of the right thing to say but you ran off. I still don’t really know what to say but…I hope it’s enough.” 

You nod, understanding. Not really understanding, but you nod anyway. It’s more than enough. He’s everything. 

“Can you move over, peaches? You’re burning our eggs.” 

You nod wordlessly, sitting up on the counter to watch him finish the breakfast. You cradle your right hand in your left, rubbing your fingers against the spot he just kissed, marked, that he just tattooed with his own lips. This is the moment you realize you’re in over your head. He was most certainly going to be the death of you. 

- 

next part linked here

taglist: @maliakealoha @smolone88 @mykyoon @roronoazorosbxtchh @fell-4-u @thelazylemur @mg63k @filunara @mblrrr @erensleftnutt @squirrelspoetry 

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[short-honey-badger]

Peppermint Tea 7

First things first. A THOUSAND APOLOGIES for being so late with getting this next part out. Holidays are definitely a struggle, and my will to write kinda abandoned me like a dad going out to get milk. Anyway! I hope you all enjoy this next part!

Warnings! Kissing some drinking and nipple play. It's still pretty tame. Vomit too! Reader gets sick

Masterlist

Dracule licks his lips, wanting to surge forward to devour you. He wants you, every drop that you would gladly give him. However, the warlord isn't ignorant and knows that if he were to dive in and open up to you about everything he wants, you would never allow him back on your island. So, he clears his throat and takes a step back once he stands from his kneel, “I think that's enough for now,” Mihawk rumbles and turns to go take the wine glasses back to the kitchen.

You surprise yourself by snapping your hand out and wrapping it around his wrist. You tug gently, face on fire as you give him a shy smile, “I would like another glass, please,” you whisper and look up at Hawkeye through your lashes. You like the way the wine has made you feel. Shoulders slumped and head feeking a little airy. You wanted to know how else it would make you feel.

Mihawk watches you, golden eyes tracing a scorching path from where you hold on to his wrist all the way to your face. A smirk tilts his lips and Dracule lets out a put upon sigh, “I suppose one more wouldn't hurt, Darling,” he murmurs and twists his wrist so that he can catch your hand in his and dip to press his lips to your knuckles.

You shiver at the press of those sinful lips against your skin. You aren't ignorant, not entirely, at least. Your books have prepared you for what goes in between a man and a woman, but to experience it? Just the thought of thinking about Dracule in that way has your face exploding in a blush.

Mihawk ticks a brow up at your reddening face, “Something wrong, dear?” He murmurs, tone a touch concerned when he watches you suck your bottom lip between your teeth and chew nervously. He hums and takes your face in his warm hands, and despite your current embarrassment, you still find yourself sagging in his hold.

“I'm fine. You're just… really pretty,” you find yourself admitting, and Dracule cortles at your innocent admission. You want to duck away from his laughter, but the pirate steps close enough to gently pressing his lips to your brow.

“I am glad you think so, sweet thing,” Mihawk rumbles, and you can hear the muted delight in his tone, “Though your beauty far outweighs my own. Despite your snowy devil fruit, you shine brighter than the Sun.”

Butterflies break out in your stomach, and your hands find his wrists and tighten around them. You have no idea what to say to his kind, flowery words, but Dracule doesn't seem to mind. He presses one last kiss to your brow and then recedes, taking the wine glasses to the kitchen to refill them.

Mihawk takes a moment once he is away from you. His hands grip the counter, and he breathes deeply through his nose. Dracule doesn't understand the sway you have him under. His heart thuds at even the smallest hint of affection, hands sweating like some preteen who haven't even kissed a girl yet.

“Fool,” Dracule hisses under his breath. There was no need to be overthinking his feelings for his dear one. She was his, and that was that.

That settled, Mihawk filled the glasses and loped back to the living room. A smile flits across his lips when he sees that you've stood from your seat and have taken his hat from where he'd placed it on the mantle of the fireplace. He can't help the huff of amusement that leaves him when you carefully place the massive hat in your head and examine yourself in the small mirror off to the side in your cluttered living room.

“You know, Pirate Captains consider it rude and unwise for another to wear their hat,” Dracule comments casually And smirks at the way you jump in shock, flurries scattering about in a puff as you swipe his hat down from its perch.

“Sorry!” You squeak and shuffle back to the fireplace to hook his hat back on the mantle.

“Don't apologize, Dear One,” Mihawk dismisses and walks over to hand you the glass of red. You examine it with a critical eye and then take a careful sip, smiling when you find that it tastes even better than before.

“Why is it rude?” You ask and settle back on your couch, pulling your legs up and under you. You are glad that Mihawk isn't upset at your curiosity.

“For some, their hat is their staple, their symbol of who they are. I've had mine for well over two decades now, and it would be like losing a part of myself if something were to happen to it,” Dracule hums and fingers the cross necklace that hangs around his necklace, “Just like my ship and my sword.”

You find yourself nodding along, fascinated by this way of life you know little about. The only pirates you've ever had the misfortune of meeting have been little more than barbarians.

As the night goes on, one glass turns into three more. Dracule had sat beside you on the couch, and as the bottle emptied, you had grown bolder. Scooting close to your friend and cuddling into his chest. Mihawk tightens the arm he has wrapped around you, and you happily allow him to move you so that you sit in his lap, legs on either side of his own. Dracule collects the empty glasses with one hand and sets them on a side table for later. Your head lolls to the side, vision shimmy and head stuffed with clouds. You are well and truly drunk, but you feel good, and you know that Dracule can make you feel even better.

You rise, and Mihawk is subjugated to the most lust filled look he's seen so far, and it makes him shift under you, hands moving to settle on your hips to keep you steady Your hands curl in the ruffle of his shirt, and you gasp when Dracule drags you close by the hips, blushing when you realize that Mihawk can definitely feel how hot you are between your legs.

You aren't sure who started kissing who first. All you know is that you adore the feeling of Dracule's tongue in your mouth. Mihawk explores in an unhurried manner, taking his time to catalog the meek whines and breathy whimpers you let out when he does something you like. His tongue curls around your own, and he gently sucks your slick muscle into his mouth. It's slick and wet and exactly what you want. You whine into the kiss, and Dracule takes pity on you, moving his hands up and under your shirt to rest his burning palms against your freezing skin.

The temperature chance has you breaking the kiss to hiss at the unexpected touch. Mihawk slides his hands up your sides, leaving a fiery trail that leaves you shaking in his hold. Everything feels tingly, like when you step into the ocean and feel the calm waves sap your strength. You drop your head to rest on his shoulder, but Mihawk gently pushes you back, and you are suddenly caught in his demanding gaze.

“Put your arms above your head, dear,” Mihawk orders, and you raise your arms up without a thought. He hooks your shirt and lifts it up and over your head, and then toss it to the floor. He sucks in a sharp breath when your breasts are exposed to him, and he makes a mental note that you did not wear any kind of chest wrap under your clothes.

Reverently, Dracule cups one of your glorious mounds, thumbs swiping over a peaked nipple and sighing in rapture when you moan for him. He does it again, playing with your tits to his enjoyment until you are a squirming mess in his lap.

“Dracule,” you whine, and glance down at him, eyes half lidded and full of heat. You don't know what you're asking for, only knowing that the man below you can provide it.

With a growl, Mihawk tips the two of you, shifting so that you land on your back and end up staring up at him. The warlord dips down, lips latching around a hard nipple and swirling his tongue around the bud. You curse, back bowing off the couch, but Mihawk holds you down, hand coming up to tweak and roll the only nub. Pleasure zings through you, body heating up as Mihawk laves your chest with attention. He leaves your nipple long enough to gently bite the soft skin of your breast, teeth digging in just enough to leave an imprint.

Your hands dig into his dark hair, pulling him down and closer to your heated body. Your hips jump on their own violation, and Dracule groans when you accidentally rut against his growing erection. He doesn't stop, wanting to every breathy moan you make for him.

Everything is perfect until it suddenly isn't. The multiple glasses of wine and your overheating body have made a bad combination. You grimace when you feel your stomach twist, eyes opening a crack, and the flickering light of the fire just makes the feeling worse.

“Mi-Mihawk,” you stutter out, and Dracule's sharp ears easily pick up on the panic in your voice. He raises up, and then he scrambles to stand when he notices the vaguely green tint you have going on. The warlord slides his arms under your body, lifting you bridal style as he speed walks to the bathroom. He gets you there just in time, knees hitting the ground and wine coming up to splash into the toilet.

You're crying by the time it's all over, fat tears rolling down your face, and you know you look pitiful. Mihawk strokes his thumbs across your cheeks, cleaning your face of any more tears, “I'm sorry,” you say, and wince at the roughness of your voice.

Dracule huffs at you and gently clears your hair away from your face, “No harm, Dear One. Let's just keep your wine intake to just one glass for now. How about that?”

You nod easily and sniff, wiping your face as your lips pull into a pout. You feel horrible, physically, and for ruining the mood from earlier. Mihawk opens his arms, and you gladly fall into him, shoving your face in the crook of his neck as he holds you. You silently promise yourself to never drink so much again.

Mihawk sighs to himself as he adjusts the precious bundle of blankets in his arms. You had fallen asleep within seconds of him holding you, leaving Dracule to once again pick you up and tuck you into bed. Hank gives him a big puppy smile when he enters your bedroom, and Dracule makes sure to pat his head a couple of times after tucking you in. He leans in and presses a kiss to your brow before leaving the room. Looks like it would be the couch again tonight.

@writingmysanity @foggyturtleknightangel @kenkenmaaa @browneyedhufflepuff @goth-mami-writer @djbumblebee

[d0wnb4df0rf1cm3n]

you're on your own kid.

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: You had a rough childhood, what with an absent father and a piece of shit mother. When a family dinner goes wrong, how do you stop your brain from spiraling? How do you convince yourself you're not alone? A certain blue-eyed, metal-armed avenger, of course.

Word Count: 3.3K

Warnings: Eating Disorders/Weight Related Talk, Blood, Injury, Kinda Self Harm, Child Abuse [PLEASE DO NOT READ IF THESE TOPICS MAKE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE!!!]

Author's Note: I don't really know what this is. Sorry, I've been MIA for so long. Not my best work. Sorry.

You squirmed in your seat, fidgeting with your sleeves. It was awkward being at home after so long. You hadn't been home for four years almost - and it had probably been even longer since you'd sat at this table. Your mother sat across the table from you - her gaze heavy on your head. Heavy is the head that wears the crown, your brother had joked.

He was sitting next to you, his knee gently brushing against yours. A placating movement. He was trying to keep the peace - enjoying the first meal that you had had as a family in a long while. You don't know what it was that made you seek them out. Maybe if you had waited a week, you would have thought about the facts, rather than the feelings. Maybe if you had waited a week, you wouldn't be sitting here with the weight of the world on your shoulders.

You sat in silence, playing with the food on your plate. Your mother was of the almond variety, weighing out plates before passing them around the table. You didn't have much to talk about. Things hadn't ended well the last time the two of you spoke.

Your brother chimed in with the odd question - 'How's your gardening coming along, mom?' or 'How's the new job, sis? What's it like working for the Avengers?'. You'd humour him until your mother's disapproving stares became too much and then you'd shut up. He'd give you a sad sort of pitying smile, before returning to his food.

Dinner was long - even it was less than the traditional three courses. Your brother packed up some extra food, and took it home - he only lived about a half mile away so it made sense for him to go home. You made to go with him but your mother insisted you stay with her. "I made up your room, just the way you like it."

You doubted it. But you smiled anyway and hugged your brother tightly. He whispered that 'you would be fine' and 'it's only one night' and maybe for a second you believed him. As soon as he left, you headed to bed, claiming that 'The trip was long, ma, I'm super tired.'

The look on her face screamed that she didn't believe you. But she waved you good night and headed to the kitchen to find her favourite bottle of scotch.

You opened the door to your childhood bedroom to find it almost the same. The pink walls and bedcovers were suffocating, the blinds drawn shut to create this overwhelming feeling of being trapped. You were. Trapped.

You took your jumper off, laid it over your vanity chair, and jumped onto the bed. It was comfortable, but lying there staring at the ceiling brought back all the horrible memories you tried to suppress. Diet pills and weighing scales, small plates and vomiting, screaming and crying, sirens and hospital bills. Tears streamed down your face as curled up onto your side.

It was almost midnight when you heard your mother walk up the stairs. You knew she was drunk - her steps were loud and out of sync, and the bottle in her hand frequently tapped the banister as she tried to stabilise herself on it. You half expected her to keep walking, cross the landing, and fall dead asleep on her bed.

Instead, your door creaked open and you came face to face with her. Her glassy eyes were rimmed with red - she'd been crying too. Her eyes raked over you and suddenly you wished you'd never come back at all.

"Such a shame," she whispered, "You could have been so much more."

"Ma?"

"You were always... the best. The prettiest. The skinniest. You could have been incredible. Instead, you are... nobody."

Her words cut deep but you tried to ignore them. You were somebody. You worked for the Avengers, you were a top-level agent for SHIELD. You helped save the world.

"I tried my best. To help you. But you were ungrateful," Your mother stalked closer, her sadness giving way to anger, "conceited, convinced that you could be anything more than what I made you. But you were wrong. I created you. Without me, THERE IS NO YOU." She launched the bottle at your head and it shattered at the wall behind you.

She kept screaming, but you tuned her out, slipping off the bed and grabbing your jumper and keys. You ran past her, shoving her hard as she tried to grab you and ran out to your car. She watched you go screaming abuse after you, telling you to 'never step foot inside her house again.' You weren't planning to.

You drove like a madman back to upstate - traffic was pretty light considering the ungodly hour. You parked haphazardly - Tony would probably murder you for it in the morning but you couldn't find it within yourself to care. You trudged upstairs, footfalls far too heavy for someone is literally a superspy, but this was your home. You weren't running from anyone in here.

You were so stuck in your own head that you didn't realise that Bucky was sitting in the living room, watching as you walked into the kitchen. He'd heard your footsteps and he was worried. You never walked that heavily.

"Everything ok, doll?"

You looked up at him, not registering a word he said. He stood up and walked over to you, fingers reaching up to stroke your face.

"You good?" He whispered, his forehead almost touching yours.

You pulled away from his touch, even though your body was screaming for you to collapse into his open arms. "Yeah, Buck, fine. See you in the morning for training." You stepped past him, heading for the stairs.

"Yeah, doll. See you in the morning."

The morning came around far quicker than you'd hoped. You had barely slept, tossing and turning all night, your mother's words ringing through your head.

Eventually, you realised it was a futile effort. You might as well get up and be productive. You found yourself in the gym just as the sun came up, face to face with a heavy bag. You clenched your wrapped fists before shaking the sleep out of your system.

Your hits were precise, measured, calculated. If there was one thing no one could fault you for, it was your skills. You were an impeccable agent. If only your mum could see that. You took your rage out on the heavy bag, pouring every ounce of resent in your body into your punches. Sweat beaded on your forehead, the exertion making your breaths heavier and your knuckles sting. You kept punching, time slipping away from you.

You heard the door to the gym open, and someone was talking. Their voice was muted, almost as if your head was underwater. Between the punches and your tiredness, nothing registered in your foggy mind. From the distance you could hear footsteps, getting louder almost as if they were walking towards you.

You nearly jumped out of your skin when a hand brushed against your shoulder. You spun around ready to cuss out whichever stupid rookie decided to bother you so early in the morning. You were surprised to see familiar eyes boring into yours.

"I called your name, you know," Bucky said, his hands moving to rest on your waist, "twice. I even dropped my bag next to yours to get your attention."

"Sorry, I was thinking."

"I can tell," Bucky's thumbs drew circles on your waist, absentmindedly, "Where's that pretty mind been at lately?"

"What do you want, Barnes?"

"I'm worried. About you. You haven't been yourself lately. What's going on?"

"Nothing." You sighed, removing yourself from his grasp, "Missions, reports, meetings. It's tiring."

"Maybe you take a holiday? Try and relax a bit?" You could hear the genuine concern in his voice but you still rolled your eyes.

"Maybe you mind your own fucking business, Barnes? Don't you have other shit to be doing apart from hovering over me?" You grabbed your stuff, refusing to make eye contact with him, and walked out.

"I'm still seeing you for training right?" You hear him call after you, but you keep walking. You let out a shaky breath as soon as you got into the elevator.

He didn't see you for training. Or after.

You'd skipped training in favour of going on a run with Steve and then you had to file a few mission reports. You'd holed yourself up in your office, manila files piling up on the corner of your desk your fingers brushing over the keys with seasoned speed. Bucky had wanted to stop by but given your odd behaviour in the morning, he'd decided against it.

You were glad. You hated that Bucky could see right through you, even when you tried your best to hide it. Especially because you were irrevocably in love with him.

You'd been in love with him ever since you'd started working at the compound. Bucky was one of the few people to notice you and your efficiency. You became one of his preferred mission partners, a fact of which you were very proud. You quickly became one of his favourite people, period, and Bucky even went so far as to blow off Steve to spend time with you.

It hurt you to keep him at arm's length but you knew it was for the best. You remembered what your father told you the night before he left. You're on your own kid. You always have been.

You were given a mission assignment in the evening, with strict instructions of 'wheels up at 0600.' The early pickup time wasn't strange and you were itching to get out of the compound. You packed your bag up, leaving it by the door, and headed to bed.

Another restless night of sleep was the last thing you needed, but you were up and at the hangar waiting for Captain Rogers by 0600. He smiled when he saw you and handed you a coffee. You smiled. Your first real smile since you visited your parents.

"Good luck out there." A voice calls from behind you. You freeze. Bucky jogs towards you both, his eyes betraying his tiredness. Steve's face breaks into a grin at the sight of his old friend. Steve throws his arms around Bucky.

"Don't do anything stupid until I get back," Steve says, his joking tone making Bucky laugh.

"How can I? You're taking all the stupid with you."

You want to smile at the sight of the two of them together but you held yourself back. You walked towards the quinjet, ready to get this show on the road when you hear Bucky clearing his voice behind you.

"Where do you think you're going?"

"Onto the quinjet?"

"Not without a hug, you're not." You sigh but trudge down the steps to give him a half-arsed side hug. He pulls you in tight, and whispers into your hair, "When you get back, we're gonna talk. Okay?"

You don't respond, brushing him off and climbing into the jet. Steve follows you in, dropping his bag next to yours, before turning back to wave at Bucky.

"Don't worry, Buck, I'll take good care of your girl."

His girl. That sounded nice. You shook the thought away before elbowing Steve in the sight. Jokingly of course, but he still doubled over for effect. Bucky burst into laughter.

That was the last thing you saw as the door went up.

The mission was hard. Not terrible - no one died, which was a win in your book - but it wasn't fun. Multiple shootouts, car chases, and three hours of hiding in a dumpster later, you were ready to nap for a week. But, alas, Fury had set a debrief at 8 the next morning, which meant that you had - you checked the clock on your microwave - 6 hours at best.

You dropped your bag on the sofa and headed into the bathroom. You unzipped your utility vest, dropping it on the floor. You needed to disinfect it - god knows what had stained that vest. You pulled up your compression shirt, wincing as the flecks of red came into view. You quickly stripped it off, dropping it in the washing basket, before whipping back around. You caught your own reflection in the mirror and tilted your head, taking in your reflection of your body. Your mother's words played back in your head. Maybe your mother had a point.

You quickly shook your head, dispelling those horrible thoughts from your mind. But still, you continued to stare at your body, scrutinising every feature. I mean, sure you weren't as skinny as you used to be, but that's because you had muscle now, right? And the hamburger you had for lunch was a treat - you know for completing the mission? The super important mission that you were on because you are important and you are somebody and you have value and you are someone without your mum. Don't you? And it's ok that you can't see your ribs because actually you have abs now and that's way more attractive. Right? And.. and... and....

SMASH.

Broken glass was shattered all around you, fragments piercing your skin. Your mirror now had a fist-shaped hole in the middle, from where your sadness had quickly bled into anger.

You cradled your bloodied fist in your hand, sinking to the ground as sobs racked through your body. Glass dug into your knees as they hit the floor and you curled your hands into your chest. Hurtful 'what ifs' swirled through your head, stealing your breath and making it almost impossible to breathe.

Pounding on your door broke you out of your thoughts. You tried to regain your bearings. It was 2 am. You were in your apartment, the apartment that was miles away from the compound, that you lived in alone. Who the hell would be at your door right now?

You were silent, breath bated as you waited for the stranger to go away. They banged on the door again.

"Doll, I swear to god, if you don't let me in, I'm going to break your fucking door down."

You knew that voice anywhere. The knowledge that you weren't alone, that he was here for you, that Bucky wouldn't make you suffer alone brought new tears to your eyes. Fresh sobs burst from your chest as you tried to move. Glass shards were stabbing into your legs, and one of your hands was bleeding profusely. Bucky, your safety net, was so close and yet so far.

"Doll? Doll, I can hear you. Doll, please, please let me in." You could hear the panic in his voice as he struggled with his conscience. You tried to move but the pain was excruciating. A pained scream erupted from your lips.

A loud bang came from your front door, followed by heavy and fast footsteps.

"Where are you, doll? Come on, just come and talk to me." He said, sweeping through your living room. You whimpered from the bathroom, his enhanced hearing focussing on even the smallest of sounds.

He quickly found his way into the bathroom, his eyes raking over your hunched figure, before flitting to the broken mirror and the shards of glass on the ground.

"Oh doll," he whispered, bending down to scoop you up from the floor. He cradled you gently as he carried you from the bathroom into your bedroom. "What happened, doll? Talk to me."

You looked up at him, trying to figure out where to start. You blanked. You couldn't find a good place to start the story that would cause you the least pain. Your mouth opened and closed a few times with no sound coming out. Bucky rested his hand against yours, trying to reassure you to take your time, but the sound of your wince drew his attention to your hands.

"Doll, your hands." He grabbed your hands gently, peering at your knuckles. They were mauled, glass sticking out of torn-up skin, "What did you do?" He stood up, walking into your kitchen to grab the first aid kit he knew was under the sink. Watching him walk around like he owned the place made some small part of your heart happy - it was almost as if your dreams, your darkest-held fantasies, were coming true.

Bucky kneeled in front of you, placing the first aid kit beside him. He brushed all the glass shards off your legs - luckily none of them had been embedded into your skin. He cleaned any small scratches before turning to your knuckles. The sight of your knuckles made him wince and you started to pull them away. Bucky leveled you with a look that said, let me take care of you. You let him. He sterilised a pair of tweezers and got to work pulling the shards of glass out of your knuckles. You sat in silence for a while, Bucky diligently working on your knuckles, and you watching the swiftness with which he worked.

"Why did you punch the mirror, doll?" Bucky asked after a while.

"I was angry," you whispered, your voice deathly quiet. Now that the rage was gone, all you had left was embarrassment.

"And why were you angry?" Bucky coaxed, his eyes pleading for some answers. He pulled out the last shard of glass before swiping an alcohol wipe over your knuckles and bandaging them up. He packed up all the items back into the first aid box and went to put it away and wash his hands.

You were still sat on the bed contemplating your answer when he got back. He knelt in front of you again, before he rested his hands on your face, "Why were you angry doll?"

"I didn't like it." You whispered, pulling your body away from him.

"What didn't you like?" Bucky's eyes stared into yours and you suddenly felt extremely self-conscious. You tried to remove yourself from his all-seeing, mind-reading gaze, but he didn't let you. He pulled you into his lap, and you hid your face in his neck. His beard tickled your forehead as you nestled into him, trying to seek out the comfort you so desperately needed but didn't know how to ask for.

"Me." You said, your head turned away from him as you stared at your hands.

"What?"

"I didn't like me." Your voice started to shake as you tried to find the right words to tell him the truth, the whole honest godforsaken truth, but you couldn't.

Bucky seemed to read your mind, "It's ok, take your time. We don't have to talk about this today. We can come back to it later, when you're feeling up for it, okay?" You nodded, burrowing further into him, "You wanna sleep?"

You nodded again, and Bucky shifted, wrapping his arms around you so he could gently place you down on the bed. He removed his arms from underneath you and tucked you into bed, gently kissing your forehead as you turned to leave. You whined.

"Pleasedon'tgoBuck-" You mumbled, sleep quickly pulling you under. He smiled, perching himself on the end of the bed.

"You sure you want me to say, sweetheart? Not sure you'll ever get rid of me if I stay?"

"I promise. Never want you to go." You said, clinging to his arm and pulling him back into bed.

You slipped into an easy slumber as Bucky shuffled around in your room. Maybe you didn't have to be on your own anymore.

fin.