#kitchen fails funny

[philbridges]

I Did NOT Build This Cabinet #Shorts

I Did NOT Build This Cabinet #Shorts

I did not build this cabinet, I refused to take credit for this cabinet. I would quit over somebody trying to make sure I built this cabinet. I quit. 🙏 Subscribe, 👍, it helps a lot!!➤❓/ 💬: ask@straightarrowrepair.com➤ Follow https://straightarrowrepair.com/pipf ➤➤I get a little for the channel-no charge for you if you use the links:➤➤Shop Amazon https://amzn.to/3CxD1T4➤➤Tool lists & recommended…

[eldritch-whispers]

I'm fuckin decimated... what have I done to them

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[minamotosousuke]

personally to me there is no difference between teru and the guy who hosts preppy kitchen except that teru is (depressingly) het… but terukane folks please take this idea and run with it

[sunnysam-my]

Mac and Cheese pissing on the poor version

Featuring some random meat my parents bought me because I "have iron deficiency" and my meals are "depressing looking"

Microwave time 🤙

To make it a little bit spicy ✨

(*it's not my dip, so I only added a tea soon, so my sis wouldn't notice)

(**ignore the army of unlabeled honey in the background)

Turned out this cheese freezes immediately after being taken out of microwave.

Fixed it ✨

[sinning-23]

Calling Them By Their Full Name

OPLA Headcannons! I thought htis was a funny little thing lol. Anyway enjoy

Warnings: slight mentions of nsfw topics but nothing too serious

Sorry for any spelling errors!

Luffy

-ohhhhh that did not sound like your usual happy, loving voice.

-he knows he fucked up and now he’s hiding from your wrath.

-“MONKEY D. LUFFY, GET YOUR ASS IN THIS KITCHEN. NOW.”

-you could hear a pen drop from how quiet the ship got

-ok so maybe he ate that super expensive, super special dessert you had been saving for a while now. And like, it was going to go bad! All he wanted was a little taste! Than a taste turned into accidentally eating the whole thing.

-He was gonna tell you, honest! But it had proven obvious you found out before he could. He seen you round the corner with RAGe on your face and tears in your eyes.

-"TRAITOR!" You yell, throwing a tired punch to his chest.

-“I’m sorry mami, I’ll find you another one. Promise.” He hums, peppering your face with kisses, squeezing your face between his palms when he did.

-There’s no way you could stay mad at him for long

Zoro

-whoa whoa whoa why are you so ANNNGRY

-hated when you call him by his full name like that, makes him feel like a child being reprimanded

-“RORONOA GODDAMN ZORO.” You boom, Nami’s jaw dropping at the sound. Even she could tell you were pissed

-he’s the sassiest mf alive so he’ll probably just be like, “who the hell are talking to woman?!”

-“You’re a real piece of work you know that??” You’re still yelling and he wastes no time rolling his eyes at you and grabbing you by your waist, the action shutting you up.

“Wanna stop yelling and be a big girl and tell me what’s wrong?” He teases, that stupid smirk you love falling over his features at your speechlessness.

-It’s not often you say his full make but when you do he makes sure you’ll never forget it that same night.

-“Say my name baby, real loud.” He groans, a hand around your throat to steady spent body as he slams back into you

Sanji

-I know thats not a cigarette i smell Vinsmoke Sanji."

-awe hell. Yout tone is deadly. he tried he damndest to stomp it out before you rounded the corner but nope.

-You never use his full name like that. Never.

-did he just get chills?

-"Of course not my love!" He lies throigh his teeth but before he can say anything ese you re lips are on his, you fist gripping the fabric of his shirt.

-He knew he was caught, the taste of tobacco mixing with your usual mint. You pull away, smoothing his shirt out with a warning smile.

-"Don’t lie to me again, I’ll always know when you do, Black Leg." You explain , taking the small cardboard box from his pocket and walking off.

-Even though it was ment as a threat, he couldn't help but feel hotter than ususal. God he loved it when you talked all serious to him.

Bonus: Mihawk

-You know better than to use his full name. Orr to even call him anything besides the usual endearing pet name.

-So when he hears his name called with nothing short of rage, hes trying to figure out who you think you’re talking to.

-"Dracule. Mihawk." You spit, holding the empty bottle in your hand

-Ok so your rage was warented cause he managed to drink the entire vintage bottle of wine you'd been saving...it wasn’t like it was on purpose!

-He doesn’t even bother to look up from his book, just barely giving you a slight glance when you were right in front of him, pointing to the bottle.

-"Id watch your tone darling." he warns, smirking at the way you purse your lips and turn away with a fierce attitude he'd be sure to deal with later.

-“Oh shove it up your ass Dracule.” You scoff, trying to quicken your pace but failing when he’s already behind you, his much larger hand holding your wrist as you yelp.

-His look says it all. You’re screwed.

-So now you’re sitting pretty, bent over and counting each time his hand meets the sore and slightly reddened flesh of your ass.

-“Now, what’s my name again darling?”

[eyesthecolorofarson]

dead serious where Danny is fucking pathetic. Phantoms a great superhero! He’s competent, kind, charismatic, so funny, and got his species human rights!

Danny?

Absolute wet rag of a man.

He can’t cook, he can’t sleep, he’s gifted which means he gets good grades but doesn’t know how to study so big shit he needs to study for he fails, he fails at every social interaction he takes part of, he can’t dress, he can’t fucking sleep, he’s sad and pathetic and useless.

And Damian fucking loves it.

He’s so much like his mother it hurts. They both love pathetic, wet cats of men. He can be smart enough for the both of them. And egotistical. And good looking. And a cook. He can be everything, he’s happy as long as Danny exists by his side.

Tim: Seriously, what do you see in that guy?

Damien: He makes me laugh

Danny: works hard and gets good results as Phantom

Damien: 🙄🥱

Danny: sets his kitchen on fire trying to microwave takeout and takes so much melatonin he accidentally overdoses and needs to be rushed to the hospital but when he wakes up he accidentally falls out of bed, rips his IV out, and bleeds on the floor for ten minutes before thinking to call someone

Damian: I need to fuck him RIGHT NOW

[he-calls-me-kitten]

Dirty Dozen (ft. +2)

GN! MC x Pervert! OM Characters

(Cause y'all seemed to love the first one omg. Also TW: I made everyone wayy more sleazy and nasty than before so read at your own risk. MInors DNI)

Pervert! Mammon who likes to ask you for something specifically when your hands are full. "MC, lend me a few Grimm could ya?" He asks when you're in the middle of cooking.

"My hands are covered in cake batter, just take some from my back pocket."

"Are you sure it's there? Let me check both pockets." He isn't so much searching for coins as much as he's feeling and practically groping your ass. Seriously you start to wonder how it's taking him 20 minutes to find something that's right there.

Pervert! Solomon who keeps his room colder than usual when you come over for magic lessons.

"Is it too cold for you MC? I apologise, I kept it this way because some of the potions have bad reactions to heat but if you'd like-"

"I'm absolutely fine, Solomon. You worry about me too much." You smile at him reassuringly, not noticing how his eyes are so eagerly trained at your nipples perking up through your thin t-shirt.

Boner Bonus points if you allow him to hug you for some warmth. His fingers will definitely brush against your chest more than once.

Pervert! Beel who seems to make a mess whenever he's trying to help you in the kitchen. "I'm so sorry, MC. I didn't mean to spill it on your hands!"

"It's okay Beel, it's just some cream and syrup. I can just wash it off right away."

"But it's such a waste. Please allow me." He starts to thoroughly lick your fingers and you shake your head and let him knowing his fixations on food.

But he can't help it - you taste so good. He secretly wonders what you might taste like down there, drooling at the thought.

Pervert! Levi who has taken to sitting on pillows Japanese style while gaming and offers you the same. Sure enough you don't even suspect an ulterior motive.

"Did you get inspired by some human world anime again? Careful though - your legs and butt will start to cramp after a while."

"MC you're too gracious! Caring so much for an otaku like me!"

After you leave, he promptly takes the pillow you were sitting on and puts it in his bathtub. He's going to sleep on it ofc. Your scent on it helps him jerk off better.

Pervert! Belphie who now asks you to rub his belly till he falls asleep. "What's so funny?" He asks as you giggle at his request.

"Since when do you need help falling asleep?"

"I care about the quality of my sleep. And I sleep better this way."

Fortunately you believe him and don't suspect that it's because it's the closest he can get you to fondling his dick. He has such a difficult time holding in his moans and hard ons, every time your hands go even a bit lower than usual.

Pervert! Barbatos who got into sewing clothes as a hobby and specifically likes making them for you now. But you never understand why he needs to take same measurements over and over again.

"Oh? This is a different kind of design, MC. So the measurements will vary from before."

"Always making new things aren't you? You never fail to suprise Barbatos." You smile at him admiring.

The tightening of the tape around your chest and crotch are subtle. He can hardly keep it together when you praise him after all. But he has to if he wants to skim his hands over your body like this again.

Pervert! Diavolo who takes you on such long drives that you always doze off in the front seat, waking up apologetic for missing so much of the journey.

"Hahaha, it's okay, MC. We've been on this same road lots of times. I assure you, you didn't miss anything. And I like that you feel safe to sleep in my presence."

"But still, I'm so sorry, it feels disrespectful..." You apologize, not even knowing how hard he is in his pants right now.

Afterall, he can keep squeezing your beautiful thighs, maybe let his hands wander between them and imagine himself fucking you in the back seat as much as he wants, when you're asleep.

Pervert! Simeon who will have noone except you as his muse for art classes. And the themes just keep getting more erotic each time.

"Are you sure you're okay with this, MC? You don't have to do it if you're not comfortable-"

"Nonsense, Simeon. I feel super comfortable if it's you. You're a true artist after all." You say as you lay on his bed wrapped up only in bedsheets, exposing your entire back and legs.

If only you knew, this angel has thoughts dirtier than most demons. How he's practically fucking you with his eyes. How he's definitely going to jerk off into those bedsheets, moaning your name.

Pervert! Satan who loves teaching you things - standing right behind you, guiding your hands to make latte-art, or trying a new style of painting.

"That's it, nice and slow. Look how much you've improved, MC." He beams at the cute kitty in the coffee cup.

"All thanks to you, Satan. I can't wait to learn more from you." You smile at him earnestly.

He almost feels guilty for tricking you this way, but the way your hands feel in his, and your ass feels against his groin is so addicting. One of these days, he wishes could teach you to be on all fours and take his length in your pretty little mouth.

Pervert! Asmo who loves keeping your eyes on him and noone else. From elaborate performances to petty staring contests, he cannot have enough of your gaze.

"Oh you're turning red in the face, Asmo. Did I manage to flutter the heart of the Avatar of Lust?" You lean forward smiling.

"You're my only weakness after all, MC. It's your fault for making me this way." He almost moans.

You laugh and mock apologize at his antics but you don't know he's been grinding like an animal on his seat, and creamed his pants under your innocent gaze. Your undivided attention just turns him on so much.

Pervert! Lucifer who makes his desires too obvious sometimes. He'll regret it in the morning and take you to dinner to apologize but not until he's already done something dirty.

"Lucifer, it's 2 am. You need to throw away that coffee and sleep." You're practically dragging him to bed.

"Fine. I'll go sleep if you'll stay in my room tonight." He says knowing you'll comply. You care too much for your own good. He's not even going to let you sleep on the couch, no you have to stay wrapped up in his arms.

You might wake upto him groaning your name in his sleep and you might mistake it for a nightmare - not knowing how he's balls deep inside you in his dreams.

Pervert! Thirteen who likes how excited you get over her newest inventions and keeps making more things to call you over.

"And this little baby and can throw pie at people's faces without ever missing. Guaranteed headshot." She smiles proud.

"This would be so useful in a cafeteria food fight and then get banned right after its glory. But I so wanna use it!" You whine.

She loves how much you appreciate her inventions. She is secretly working on a 'pleasure' device scented like her to give you - she hopes you'll like it just as much.

Pervert! Mephisto who is actually taken aback by your duality. You're such a mischievous little imp usually but turn so well-mannered in front of Diavolo's esteemed guests.

"So even you can be prim and proper sometimes? If only you could maintain this on the daily." He huffs.

You laugh and mock-bow in front of him. "Of course, anything for you my dearest lord. Would you like to dance with this proper human while you can?"

He blushes at the sudden offer. Why you little- how dare you tempt him like this. You can't complain about him gripping you somewhere improper or too tight. You deserve this for your attitude.

Pervert! Raphael who is still navigating new feelings of lust he's never felt before he met you. Why his heart skips every time you fall asleep on his shoulder or why he felt a sudden warmth at the pit of his stomach feeling you breath so softly into his neck.

"Thank you for helping me tidy the classroom, MC. I didn't even know where the cleaning supplies were."

"That's alright. It's more fun with two people anyway and wait Raphael there's a bucket over the-" The fresh bucket of water already spilled splashing all over both of you.

You immediately fetched a towel to help him dry up but he couldn't stop staring at you instead. With the uniform sticking to your body like and the water glistening on your exposed skin - why was he so enthralled? Why does he feel a strange pulsing between his legs as you hover over him?

[givemegifs]

[pnutbutter-n-j-elyy]

When They're Drunk|Hyungline

Warnings: Mentioning of alcohol, Complete and utter shanagigans and tomfoolery

Maknaeline

Chan|

“Hehe.” You snapped your head back, looking for the owner of the noise that just blessed your ears. When you couldn’t find the perpetrator you turned back to cutting up vegetables for the soup you were making.

“Hehe.” 

You turn around again. Surely you couldn’t have imagined that. You sighed, shaking your head. Am I going crazy?

Not even a minute passed and you heard it once more.

“Hehe.” This time when you turned you felt your foot hit something soft and squishy.

Chris just side eyed the foot that just kicked his dimpled cheeks and then trailed those same beautiful brown eyes up to you.

“Christopher Bahng get up from the floor, that's nasty!” 

“Hehehehehe.” He continuously giggled as you stared down at him, not even trying to help him get up because you were confident in your inability to do so.

Instead you set aside the knife for your vegetables and slouched down on the floor as well.

“Hehehehehe.” 

“Whats so funny?”

“Carrot.”

You deadpanned at the Aussie in front of you and it sparked another fit of uncontrollable “hehe”’’s.

“Love, what on earth is so funny about carrots?”

His lips shot out into a kissy face as he shook his head. “You don- hehhehe - undertan-heheheh-the- jo-hehehe.”

You sighed as you watched him try- but fail in explaining what he thought was so funny about the crunchy orange vegetable.

“Chris, I think tonight is the last time you should ever drink alcohol, baby.”

Your boyfriend - fiance - looked at you, his dimples showing even more as the giggles kept coming out of him.

“But I had to celebrate!” He pulled your hand from off the ground and put it close to his face. He outlined the ring he had given you. “See? This is a cause for celebration.”

You couldn’t help but laugh as you watched the man in front you look at your ring as if he was staring at his laptop screen - with complete 100% undivided attention.

“Chris, you knew I was going to say yes to marrying you, baby. Who in their right mind wouldn’t say yes?”

“Mmmm…a lot of people. Hehe.” 

You got up from the ground, this time Chris coming up with you.

“Alcohol…it…hehe…hehe…hehe…” 

At this point, anyone would have been annoyed with this amount of giggling from a drunk person. But his giggle was so heartbreakingly adorable you couldn’t help but turn around and kiss the lips it was escaping from.

His eyes widened and he cocked his head. “Why…”

“Why did I kiss you?”

“Y-hehe.” He started laughing, his giggles becoming nearly uncontrollable to the point he started coughing- then gagging - then straight up heaving onto the kitchen counter.

Onto the vegetables you had been cutting up for dinner.

You let out an exasperated breath, all while keeping a smile on you face as Chris stared at you wide eyed.

“I didn’t mean to!” He whined, a small hiccup accompanying the sad gesture.

“I know you didn't, baby. You just giggled too much.” You said as you took a damp cloth and began wiping at his face - taking the opportunity to poke his dimple.

“I’m sorry…” His lip poked out in a pout.

“Don’t be. It mighttttt have been one of the reasons I fell for you so hard in the first place.

He smiled and looked out you lovingly as you continued to wipe his face.

This time you were the one to let out the giggle.

`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

Minho|

Minho was extremely drunk. You didn’t know how he got so carried away with his drinks. He usually was very careful with the amount of alcohol he ingested, just in case things were to potentially get out of hand and get leaked to the press. 

But even if it did get leaked- you know nothing bad would come of it. Because Minho was not an extreme drunk.

Unless he was extremely caring.

“Baby, you have to put a jacket on or else you’ll get cold.” Minho said as he stripped himself of his jacket and placed it over your shoulders. You chuckled as you took off the jacket, because you were sitting in the guys' dorms, and it was rather warm in there. 

Minho huffed and put his jacket over you again.

“Yah! Baby. You need to put my jacket on or else you’ll be cold.” He said his voice turned more stern in the slightest.

“Its hot in here though…”

“Thats just all the alc…ac..al…acl- thats because you drank too much, love.” His head was shaking as he gave a few tsk tsk sounds. “You had too much fun.”

You sure it was me who had too much fun?

When he turned away to walk to the kitchen you slipped off your cardigan so you’d be slightly less warm, and to make Minho happy by wearing his cologne stained jacket. You inhaled as you always did. His scent bringing every single thought of him to mind.

You smiled as Minho walked back into the living room on wobbly feet with Advil and water. 

“Baby take these. It will help when you’re hungover tomorrow.”

“I’m completely sober, love.” You say, laughter coating your voice. 

Minho groaned and hit his head like a frustrated toddler. “YA! Baby! You’ll be hungover tomorrow if you don’t take your medicine! Here. Here.” He said pushing the medicine into your hands. You tried handing them back but he just groaned. “You’re so stubborn when you’re drunk. I’m never letting you eat again” 

“Eat?”

“Drink I mean drink.” He said, looking up as if he was thinking. “Yeah, drink.” He poured out a few more advil but then the entire bottle fell and the medicine scattered across the floor.

“I can’t have my baby’s head hurt.” He said, shaking his own. He picked up a few medicine tablets of the ground and blew on them. Then he pat your head and shot up onto wobbly feet once more, making a beeline for the fridge to get you a snack, forgetting to hand you the medicine he intended to give you.

He came back with a tub of icecream and a spoon. “Here!” He pushed the tub into your hands, the warmth of his own contrasting with the frigid feel of the container.

As Minho placed both his hands on his knees as he knelt down in front of you, making sure you eat and take your advil, you couldn’t help but feel an overwhelming sense of love for your husband..

“Minho, can you take it first?” You stuck out your lip and gave your best pleading face. “I don’t like it but if you take it first I promise I will.” You said raising your hand.

Without question he swallowed a couple of pills, downing a good bit of the water.

“Anything for my babyyyyy.” He laid his chin in your lap and opened his mouth, waiting for you to spoon feed him. 

His lips wrapped around the spoon in a small “O” but pulled back with a big smile.

“Baby.” He said poking your leg. “And baby.” He said poking your tummy.

“And baby.” You said poking his nose. 

He gave a quick nod and opened his mouth again, as you pet his hair. Except this time he pulled back with a frown.

“Baby! Why are you drinking so much! YA YOU’RE PREGNANT YOU CAN’T DRINK.” He pulled his head off of your lap and was about to scold you again, but instead rushed up to get to the bathroom but made it as far as the kitchen sink before he let out the contents of his celebratory night.

He looked up after giving a long sigh, the exhaustion for the night hitting him almost immediately.

He whimpered and went to go hug you, putting his head on your shoulder. 

“I think I’m drunk…” He whined.

“And I think I’m pregnant.”

`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

Changbin|

“YAH!! WHY ARE YOU LOOOKING AT MY PARTNER?!” You had to hold Binnie back as he kicked his tiny little legs trying to get to the poor guy who had only glanced in your general direction.

“CHANGBIN JESUS, MARY, AND JOSEPH WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” 

The angry little gym rat turned to you and pouted. “He looked at you.”

“Be so for real Bin.”

“I am. His eyes landed on you.”

You couldn’t help but laugh as Changbin deadpanned at you, and the guy quickly scurried away.

“Changbin you won’t bite, but you’ll sure as hell bark.”

“I will bite.”

“Really, now?”

Changbin nodded with determination. “Watch and learn.” He waddled up to his hyung and latched his teeth onto Christopher’s shoulder.

“HOLY SHIT-” Chris pulled away quickly and Changbin smiled a you. “I told you I bite!” He said as he mimicked the nerd and finger emoji combination.

Seungmin and Minho were laughing their asses off as Chris looked at your boyfriend horrified. The at you with a look of utter betrayal.

“Y/N… how could you even suggest that.” He said his eyes wide.

“I didn’t think he’d actually bite to be honest…”

Changbin waddled back over to you and latched his arm by your side. Looking around intently.

“What are you looking for baby?”

“Enemies. If another dares to look at my preciou- hnnnghh - Y/N I’ll rip their - hnnnghgh - face off.”

You all paused in the middle of the street, allowing Changbin a few minutes of fresh air and even breathing until his nausea passed.

“He gets really feisty when drunk, huh?” Felix asked as you guys all sat on the sidewalk, Minho patting the younger’s back while he bent over closer to the ground - even though with his height he was basically at the ground. 

“Yeah haha… I knew he was possessive but I didn’t expect him to be this possessive.”

Changbin looked up to a see a woman and her child walking and he yelled out again. “ARE YOU LOOKING AT MY PRECIOUS Y/N-IE???”

The woman looked at Changbin as if he was a psycho and ushered herself and her child off quickly.

Felix began to laugh which sparked a fit of laughter from all of the people. 

“He really does want to pick a fight with every single person that walks by.” Hyunjin commented as he shot a look towards a group of young kids walking towards you guys.

They saw a drunk man bent over and like the smart kids they were crossed the street.

“He’s a handful.” You groan as you lay back on the sidewalk. Not even considering the amount of germs on it. “But he’s my handful.”

“Quite literally too. Because he is about as small as Bangchan is old,  and Hyunjin is dramatic.” Seungmin commented without so much as a smile. You couldn’t help but laugh at how serious he was.

“YAH SEUNGMINNNNNNN!! WHY ARE YOU MAKING Y- HNNHNDKFH-” Before he could finish his sentence Changbin was throwing up and you got up to go help him.

“Y/N…I don’t feel good.” 

“I know baby, I know.” You said. 

“Why do people keep looking at you? I only want to look at you.” He said as you guys all continued that last final stretch to the dorm.

“I don’t know. Maybe because I’m pretty?”

“No. You’re beautiful theres a difference.”

You smiled and opened your mouth to ask what exactly about you was beautiful, but Changbin ripped himself from your arms and started rushing towards a middle aged man who was stepping out of a restaurant with his wife.

“YAHHHH!”

You groaned and rushed after your little angry toddler - vowing to never let him get this drunk again.

`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

Hyunjin|

Hyunjin sat across from you at the sports bar you guys were at. Seungmin had dragged you all along to watch the world series with him; and since you guys were in America you thought the Kids thought it would be a fun experience to experience an American sports bar.

Hyunjin had long since drunk his fair share of alcohol.

“Its not like in Korea…” He had said before he went down the rabbit hole of different beverages.

Chan had been glancing over in concern, but relaxed a little when he noticed how well you were taking care of your boyfriend.

You popped an onion ring in your mouth and Hyunjin was staring at the basket of fried goodness in front of you.“Do you like onions? Would you like one?”

Hyunjin shook his head- yet proceeded to grab one and place it on your ring finger, then placing one on his.

“See Jagiya? We’re married now.” He mumbled, his cheeks flushed, a beautiful but slightly concerning pink.

“Baby, I think its time we get you back to the hotel.” You informed Chris that you would be taking Hyunjin back.

“Are you sure thats safe? I can send another one of the guys with you-” You shook your head. “Okay. Just call me if you need anything?” 

“Of course Christopher. And don’t worry. I grew up in this city so I know my way around.” You say giving a friendly wink and helping Hyunjin up from his chair.

The night breeze was cool, and you figured it would help Hyunjin sober up slightly.

Which you were correct about, since about ¾ of the way back to the hotel he was coherent enough to make normal conversation - albeit his response time was somewhat slow and his answers slightly slurred.

You noticed a small group of girls lock eyes with you and widen them simultaneously.

“Jinnie. I think you have some fans.” You said, a smile appearing on your face as they slowly made their way over. You helped them get over their hesitation as you waved them over.

“We won’t bite!” You giggled.

They came up to you and seemed to struck to speak.

“I-Is that…you and Hyunjin?”

You chuckled. “Yeah we were going to go public soon, but they were trying to figure out how to break the news that Hyunjin was dating a staff member…but I assume a lot of you have peeped something out. Especially since we’ve been together over a year now. The only reason why we’ve decided to disclose at all is because you guys are so intuitive. Stay should the new FBI.” You joked. The girls immediately eased up and Hyunjin bowed to them, giving a slightly sloppy smile. 

“Can we get a picture?” One of the girls asked, you looked at Hyunjin but the girl corrected herself. “We meant like..with… both of you? You guys are adorable together!” You felt your heart almost burst at your first supporting fans of you and Jinnie’s relationship.

“Baby are you good to take a picture?”

He nodded- in a seeming state of almost complete soberness and posed happily for a few pictures with you and the stays.

“Are we allowed to post this?” One of them asked meekly.

“I would wait until JYP releases an official announcement of our relationship. But after that of course.” You dig in your purse and pull out a few photocards. “Here…I think Chris and…Seungmin signed these ones. And this one is… Binnie!” You said handing them the cards. “Baby…can you sign the cards too?”

Hyunjin nodded and signed the cards, and you heard one of the girls gasp in surprise.

Hyunjin still had the onion ring on his finger.

“Jinnie! Why the fuck-frick do you still have the onion ring on your finger?!” You asked in complete shock, correcting yourself in front of the girls.

“Because we’re married? Duh.” He said in complete seriousness. He bowed to the girls politely and then came up with force. “Remember when you post to caption Y/N as my wife. I’ll even let you take a picture with the rings too.” He nudged your shoulder, provoking you to stick out your hand as well, and the girls looking at each other with slight giggles as they all snapped pictures of your and Hyunjin’s hands.

Once they were finished they waved goodbye they scurried off in the opposite direction.

You let out a big guffaw. “I really hope you remember this Jinnie.”

~~~~

“Y/N? Why is there a picture of my hand with an onion ring going viral on social media?”

`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````@abovenyx @wolfs-archive @oddracha @iyeeeverydee @parisanmorovati @seungmincenteric @panbish-1209

[peachsukii]

How funny would it be if you had to hide a stash of instant ramen in your apartment from Bakugo?

Because he’s into cooking, he absolutely despises processed and packaged food when he knows that he can make it ten times better and fresher.

So anytime you just have a craving or are feeling too lazy to cook a proper meal, you have to sneak the package into the kitchen and open it as slowly as possible to prevent him hearing the plastic. He’s caught you many times without fail. It ends in him running to the store to get ingredients for a better ramen and throwing away the instant noodles - even if they’re already cooked.

Bakugo will always prefer to cook you a hearty meal. He loves the way you do a little nod after the first bite, giving a silent approval of whatever dish he’s crafted. And if he doesn’t know how to make something you want? You bet your ass he’s searching up recipes and any tutorials to make it just for you.

He asks the same question every time, too.

“Tastes better than salt and plastic, yeah?”

[luviestarz]

lee haechan fic recs!

❤︎ I LIKE YOU (I DO) (L.DH) - @domjaehyun (stoner!haechan just wants you to know how much he likes you.)

❤︎ paperclip - @smileysuh (yandere, ex bf! hyuck)

❤︎ My Boy. - @prodbymaui (A series of failed relationships and you were this near of giving up on love. But then here comes little Donghyuck and his persistence. Maybe-- he was the one fated to you, after all.)

❤︎ kiss it better - @yeow6n (haechan gets hurt but you know that with him it’s not going to be as simple as putting a band-aid on it)

❤︎ sugar, butter, & the royal crown - L.DH - @haechwrites (prince donghyuck only has one princess on his mind, but she's not actually a princess. she's just the royal baker's granddaughter.)

❤︎ bus stop - @ooshu (haechan rides the bus. you hop on the same ride. minutes later, you two were a couple. he never questioned why.)

❤︎ strawberries & cigarettes - @hyudior (the art school's play is in two days and you're running out of time to put everything together since your known enemy lee donghyuck decided that the rehearsal day was the perfect day to release a launch party for his new album.)

❤︎ >> take my breath - @hyuckwrlds

❤︎ moles ♡‧₊˚ lee haechan - @sleeping-sirens (you read something on the internet that made you feel jealous of a person you didn’t even know but haechan knows just how to reassure you.)

❤︎ haechan — gold-skinned, eager baby - @hyuckmov (he used to be able to hide it. he used to be fine with glancing at you, habitually flicking his eyes to your chest when you would walk into the room or snuggle up to him. but now he’s totally fucked, because he thinks he’s developed some sort of addiction.)

❤︎ eyes tell - @tonicandjins (donghyuck has been trying to confess his feelings to you. third time's the charm, he thinks.)

❤︎ going below zero | l.dh - @cherryeoniis (Considering how much Haechan makes it his personal mission to antagonize you at work, it seems like a rather cruel twist of fate that the both of you have been side by side since middle school, the only consolation being that his office is a different floor from yours. But if there’s a saying about how distance makes the heart grow fonder, your attitude with him might just be the opposite, and it’ll take a family ski holiday to find out.)

❤︎ take my breath. - @sixzeroes (lee donghyuck did not believe in ‘love at first sight.’ key word: did. he does now, but only because you happened to fall into his arms on the icy road in the narrow streets. you’re going to render him breathless from the countless times your smile takes his breath away.)

❤︎ ice cream thief [ l.dh ] - @tddyhyck (someone has been eating haechan's favorite ice cream so he decides to put a hidden camera in the kitchen and living room thinking it's a shared space it shouldn't invade anyone's privacy... right?)

❤︎ tease | lee haechan - @hyuckiefluff (Playing spin the bottle definitely wasn't what you had envisioned for your first college party. And the last person you expected to see was Lee Haechan. But life has a funny way of throwing surprises at you, and this time it came in the form of the bottle landing on some drunk dude who dared you to kiss Haechan.)

❤︎ 𝟏𝟎 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 𝐈 𝐇𝐀𝐓𝐄 𝐀𝐁𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐘𝐎𝐔 ¹⁸⁺ - @goldyeokki (you and lee donghyuck both get along like oil and water. if it were up to you, you would be going about your days without even breathing in his direction. unfortunately you're in the same friend group and you have to tolerate each other. as handsome or attractive as people claim him to be, you hate his guts. there's so many reasons why you hate him, so why do you get butterflies in your stomach when he's near?)

❤︎ high (with my lover) [m] – l.dh - @yeonghosins (y/n smokes up with donghyuck for the first time)

❤︎ what the puck! - @choerrypuffs (you hit the university’s star hockey player with your car. shenanigans (and maybe even a little romance) ensue.)

❤︎ double take | l.dh - @cherryeoniis (friends to lovers, highschool au, slowburn, fluff, angst)

❤︎ Your Red Lipstick || L.DH - @ihaechans (Kisses, kisses, kisses. That’s all your boyfriend wants. When you refuse to give him the one thing he craves, he won’t leave you alone, begging and begging until you give in.)

[spamgyu]

SVT HHU - Orange Peel Theory // Drabble

orange peel theory is making it's rounds on local tiktok and twitter. this is my humorous take on how the HIP HOP UNIT discuss/deal with the orange peel theory with their significant others.

[vu] [pu]

SEUNGCHEOL

"would you peel this for me?" she placed a tangerine on his desk – not caring if he was in the middle of playing his video games.

without having to ask twice, seungcheol hid his character behind a container, away from his opponents shots and reached for the fruit. "cover me, wonwoo." he mumbled into the mic, peeling the citrus with ease. "just one?"

y/n smiled as he handed the fruit back to her. "just one."

"that's so small. get another." seungcheol nodded over to the kitchen.

"no this is fine." she shook her head, happy with the results.

he probably thought she was hungry, and considering dinner was hours away, seungcheol knew it would not be enough to hold her off.

standing from his seat, he made his way to the bag of cuties they had purchased at the store – peeling two more.

"that's enough." she laughed, stopping him from peeling a third one.

WONWOO

"baby?"

"hm?" he responded from the other side of the couch, preoccupied with his mobile game.

"would you peel an orange for me?"

wonwoo glanced up, looking behind her to see an empty counter top – a place where they usually kept their fruits.

locking his phone, wonwoo bounded for the door – leaving his girlfriend confused. "where are you going?"

"getting oranges." he replied, as if it was the most obvious response – grabbing his keys off of the hook.

"wait–" y/n laughed, walking over to him. "it was hypothetical."

wonwoo's head tilted to the side, puzzled by the point she was trying to make. "why would it be hypothetical? you asked meaning you want it. it's okay i can get–"

"baby it's a tiktok trend." she placed a hand on his shoulder.

"to ask if i would peel an orange?" he asked slowly.

"they said if you would peel an orange for your significant other, you would do any mundane task for the–"

"i need you to understand i'd peel the earth for you."

throwing her head back, she let out another laugh. she knew he was joking but his delivery had sent her over – keeping a straight face as he replied the most outlandish way possible.

MINGYU

she knew he would peel the orange for her, she didn't need to ask.

in the three years they had been together, not once had she had to open a canned drink, twist open a cap off a bottled water, plan a single date, open her own doors – hell, she hadn't had to put her own gas in her car since she began dating the king of acts of service.

he had done it without being asked.

since being with him, she had been able to turn her brain off – fulfilling her life long wish of being treated like a princess.

but she also didn't think it would be such a hot topic when she had showed him the tiktok of the orange peel theory.

"i'm not humoring this. i won't." he shook his head for the third time.

"why not?!" y/n stomped.

"fine, you want peeled oranges?" mingyu grumbled, walking over to their fruit bowl, peeling the citrus and placing it in front of her. "here."

looking at the bare fruit, y/n couldn't help but wince. not because of his actions.

but because she hated the sight of the white pith. she hated peeled oranges.

it was far too messy to eat and the texture of the white fuzz surrounding it gave her the heebie-jeebies – shuddering just at the thought of touching it.

"exactly." mingyu grabbed another orange and a knife – slicing it in quarters. "i can't peel it because you like it sliced."

she stood there dumfounded as he left the kitchen chuckling.

he won this round.

VERNON

"that's dumb." vernon snorted as his girlfriend showed him the third tiktok of someone's boyfriend failing miserably at their significant other's attempts to ask them to peel an orange for them.

"it's also kinda funny." she laughed.

"i'm one step ahead though."

furrowing her brows, she gave him a look from the other side of the couch.

"that," vernon pointed to the small potted plant resting by their window sill. "is gonna be an orange tree."

he had recently been very into assisting her with finding decorations for their new shared home, at times coming home with various plants and art works. she had gotten accustomed to his random home-good shopping sprees, she didn't dare bat an eye when he had come home with a real potted plant the other day. it would just be another addition to their countless ones that he used to brighten up their home.

"you bought an orange tree– plant?" her eyes wide. he never was the green thumb, killing the cactus she had bought for him years ago. she figured she would be the one to tend to this new plant.

"anyone can peel an orange." he shrugged. "i'll move it to the yard when it gets bigger."

"oh my god."

@thegirlwhoimagined @ohmygodwhyareallusernamestaken @f4iryjjosh @akeminy @yonabutnotyuna @tacosandbitch @hanniebaby95 @vanillacheol @aaniag @bettybotterboughtabitofbutter @xbaekcult @alwaysalmostthere @ashkuuuu @morkswatermelonnnn @isabellah29 @lottogyu @alwaysalmostthere

(for some reason it's not allowing me to tag some who wanted to be added to the perm tag list ... cries... pls check ur settings so i can for future posts)

[goldenhypen]

all yours ⎯ ౨ৎ

syn. making out with jake. that’s the post.

note. reader has hair long enough to tuck behind ears

wc. 0.4k

a/n. i was brainstorming ideas for another jake drabble and then got carried away w this. brace yourselves cuz im still recovering from writing this :’>

occupied with cleaning the kitchen, it was difficult to notice jake eyeing you from behind.

a yelp left your lips as the top of your head hit a firm surface. you finished standing up in shock, searching for what you had bumped into, and you smiled as you saw your boyfriend's hand protecting the corner of the countertop to prevent you from getting hurt.

a pout painted your face. “awww, jakey, that’s so sweet.” you leaned in and pressed a kiss onto his soft, plump lips that you could never grow tired of.

after pulling away, you turned around and continued cleaning the kitchen. and a pair of familiar footsteps followed. you turned around again.

you laughed, “why are you following me? what are you doing?”

jake shrugged, and you eyed him funny.

“i miss your lips.”

“my—” you continued laughing at how cute your boyfriend was, finding it hard to believe how lucky you were to have this man all to yourself.

you gestured for him to come closer, and his excited giggles and smile had your heart doing somersaults in your chest as he approached you, placing his hands on your waist, and pulling you close.

all in a split second, his grin faded and his expression grew more serious, and before you could process any of it, one of his hands flew to your jaw and pulled you in as he met your lips in the middle.

the kiss was hot, to say the least, as you could always count on jake sim to come through with. his lips were perfect. and even more so as they moulded with yours.

he poured so much passion into that kiss that it didn’t fail to take your breath away. but you kissed him back, of course, and when you felt him bite your lip, the gasp that left you had him smirking against your mouth.

teeth colliding, tongues mingling, bodies shaping into one, after a long while, he pulled away, trying to catch his breath. his lips were swollen and his eyes in a daze—your face probably matching his own, chest rising and falling at the same tempo.

he stayed close, removing his hand from the side of your face to brush a few strands of hair behind your ear, then returning to cup your jaw. he stared into your eyes again before slowly coming back to your lips.

you chuckled. “what? miss my lips again already?”

his eyes didn’t meet yours this time. all he gave you was a nod in response, a desire already returning to his gaze.

“kiss me, jake. i’m all yours.”

a/n. AHH writing this type of theme is v outside my comfort zone but idk my fingers just kept typing away and here we are 😀 are yall okay? im not okay 😀

m.list | taglist form

taglist. @raimbows4u @sultrybaby @kpop-nct @ajayke-reads @wccycc @enhacolor @enhasfever @nokacchan @yizhoutv @xiaoderrrr @soobin-chois @tyunni @shinsou-rii @vickytodoroki @softkpopplace @belle643 @nar-nia @rapmonie2047 @pshchives @sunjakes @ethereal-engene @exohclipse @yeosayang @4ri-ki @jaeyunjakesim @whoschr @enaus @hoes4hoseok @palajae @annoyingbitch83 @malarign @rcrystallocks @stepout-09-15 @zeraaax @enhasengene @pistachiophobia @svnoofy @sweetjaemss @vatterie @majesticallymark @mnsnts @en-chantedtomeetyou @yeseoist @milisabunny @wonniestars @kazmura @nicholasluvbot @haechansbbg @atrirose @aeriil11

[jjunberry]

ateez! when you don’t say i love back

pairing! ateez x reader

genre! fluff, humor

synopsis! you tease your boyfriend by not saying i love you back

wc! 700

hongjoong! didn’t notice at first. he says it quite often so maybe you just didn’t hear him? overthinks it. had he done something to upset you? goes out of his way to add i love you any chance he gets. you find it funny. however after the third sigh and his pout somehow getting bigger you cave. you get up from your spot on the couch and kiss his cheek. “i love you.” you said. hongjoong could have screamed. your giggle gave you away. he chased you down and attacked you in kisses, being sure to say i love you after each one. you of course said it back.

seonghwa! literally heartbroken. “i love you.” he said kissing your cheek. “i’ll call you later.” you left the apartment. seonghwa stood there dumbfounded. he didn’t remember upsetting you, or forgetting anything. opens the door with his shoes half on and his jacket hanging on one shoulder. you’re standing there giggling then he gets it. “baby why.” he whined. you kissed him softly. “you’re so cute, i love you.” he grinned finally hearing you say it.

yunho! stares at you blankly. no way did you just kiss his cheek and leave and not say it back. starts going through the day trying to figure out what he did to upset you. was it because he ate the last bag of chips? you said it was okay. his mind is running a mile a minute. once you come back and see his pout you lean up and kiss it away. “love you.” he sighed in relief before pulling you into a bone crushing hug.

yeosang! looks at you with raised eyebrows. “you forgetting something?” he asked. you shook your head. “no i don’t think so.” you chuckled. he sighed. “i love you, now say it back or no cuddles tonight.” he smirked. you grumbled. “you’re no fun but i love you too.” you said. yeosang smiled and and kissed your cheek.

san! is to stunned to speak. there is no way. the boy follows you around the house saying it until you finally cave. “i love you.” follows you to the kitchen. “i love you.” waits outside the bathroom door. “i love you.” sits next to you on the couch. “i love you.” he says for the twentieth time. you groan before caving. “i love you too.” san cheers and kisses you. “see baby that wasn’t so hard.” you just rolled your eyes and smiled.

mingi! looks at you expectantly. you look back at him. “go on.” he makes a microphone with his hand. you just smile and kiss his cheek before trying to walk away. mingi is quick to scoop you up. “i said i love you.” he said into your neck leaving kisses. you giggle as he starts to tickle you. “oh my, stop it stop it, i love you too.” he finally releases you. “don’t ever do that again.” he said. you could only giggle.

wooyoung! throws a fit. no way. it’s mandatory you say it back. “excuse me did you forget something?” he asks. you blink. “i don’t believe so.” you answered. “i don’t believe so,” he mocked before stomping up to you. “i said i love you.” he placed his hands on your shoulders before shaking you back and forth. “i love you.” he said again. you giggled before wrapping him in a hug. “i love you too.” he smirked. “you’re obsessed with me.” you punched his arm. “goodbye.” he chased you as you ran.

jongho! is unbothered. he knows what you’re up too. “goodbye jongho i’ll be back soon.” you kissed his cheek. “bye love you.” he said before returning his attention back to the laptop. you held in your giggles before not answering. jongho didn’t say anything as you left. a few minutes later you stomped back into the apartment with a frown. “baby you didn’t even notice.” you pouted. “i knew what you were doing.” he kissed your cheek. “can’t have any fun.” you grumbled. jongho just laughed at your behavior and failed prank.

-

author’s note! i’ve been listening to a lot of ateez lately and got inspired so i wrote this <33

tag list! @jjunieworld @304files

love, echo ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪

© jjunberry

[cupcakeinat0r]

<3 Valentine’s Breakfast w/ DadBod!Miguel <3

[NSFW]

With the sun rays flowing in through the curtains, your eyes flutter open, your blurred vision focusing in on the gorgeous man lying on top of you. This is usually how it is. You start the night laying on his hairy and soft chest, but after tossing and turning through the night, you two never failed to end up in this position. It sort of just happens. You believe it’s Miguel’s need to protect you in every sense of the word, so he just absentmindedly engulfs you in his sleep.

Miguel was a big man. In every way. It was sort of hard to breathe when he was on you like this.

But that was more than ok. In fact, you thrived on the feeling of all his body weight on yours, his face snuggled deep into the crook of your neck and his Herculean arms wrapped around you, not too tight, but just enough so that you weren’t going anywhere. And yes, his snoring was loud, but you learned to love it, it becoming the music to your ears on mornings like this.

It only takes you a few seconds for it to click.

It’s Valentine’s Day.

You smile to yourself, excited about all things you have planned for Miguel. But first… to figure out how the hell you were gonna get Gigantor off of you.

Unable to move, your head isolated, you look around for ideas. With your free hand, you reach for the blanket, slowly pulling it off of him in hopes he’ll move off of you to wrap himself in it again. Your idea succeeds, and he frees you just enough for you to sneak off the bed.

In the most cautious way humanely possible, you sneak out of the room (not before you softly kiss his forehead) and into the kitchen. You weren’t too worried, though. Miguel didn’t get to sleep in a lot like this due to his work, but when he did, not even a geographical disaster could wake him. You were safe.

You start listing in your head all the things you remembered you wanted to make him.

Your hands were ace in the kitchen. Everything you made, Miguel loved. One of his favorite parts of the day was coming home after a long day of work and into the arms of his cute sweet little housewife, a plate of delicious warm food already ready for him on the table. It’s kinda funny; it’s you he blames for his weight gain, but you always reply with how much you absolutely love him that way, accompanied by a kiss and a playful smack to his juicy butt (which has also gotten larger, props to you).

You slave away in the kitchen, making sure everything was perfect, even down to exacting the edges of your heart-shaped pancakes, which matched the heart-shaped strawberry slices.

You go to check on the sleeping giant. He’s still knocked out thankfully, except he’s on his back now, hugging a pillow (thinking it’s you no doubt). Aw.

You notice that the blanket wasn’t on him anymore, which allowed you a beautiful view.

His dark wavy hair sprinkled with hints of gray tussled from his sleep. His 5 o'clock shadow framing his perfect, dark, plump lips. His thick neck, chest and arms, peppered with dark hair as well, resting beautifully. His soft midsection, rising and falling with each dad snore. Near his happy trail was a prominent tent, the print of his huge cock tightening his briefs. You bit your bottom lip at his morning wood. God, this man was too perfect for his own good. You could feel yourself salivate as you remind yourself of all the other things you had to get to like decorations or lighting the candles or the rose petals…

It doesn’t take much for you to give into your urges. He won’t miss the candles or any decorations anyways…

He’ll appreciate what you’re about to do way more.

You silently climb onto the foot of the bed, your face dangerously close to the bulge. You give it a small caress, your hands gently molding around the shaft on top of the fabric of his boxers. You look up when you evoke a barely audible groan from Miguel, who’s still asleep.

You apply just a little more pressure in your next caress, this time making his dick twitch and his hips faintly buck up into your hand, his instinctive neediness signaling you to proceed with your lustful endeavor.

You then lift the band of his boxers, his completely hardened cock immediately springing up. You have to literally suck in your lips to muffle a moan.

Your eyes drink in his perfectly shaped bush at the end of his delicious happy trail, the pumped veins going up his shaft, the singular drop of pre-cum already running down, and finally his fat tip. He was perfect.

You use the juice already there as lubricant, slowly stroking his dick, the other hand on his thick, hairy thigh for support.

You start to feel Miguel‘s thighs contract and hips slightly bucking up some more, little grunts escaping his lips. His arms tense up as well, his muscles clenching around the poor pillow.

His small, slow thrusts drove you crazy, not able to wait any longer to put your mouth to use. You test the waters by giving his tip soft licks, swirling your tongue on it in lazy, annoyingly slow circles.

This grants you a few quiet hums from him, his belly and round pecs rising and falling faster, his body telling you to keep going for him.

Faint ‘Ffuuuckkk’s and ‘Mmm’s were sighed in his sleep, brows furrowed, lips in a pout; signs that you were doing amazing.

You then take him in completely, hollowing out your mouth for him as much as you possibly can, because as mentioned before, this man is big.

You bob your head slowly a few times. It’s when you pull him out with a pop! and start treating it like your own popsicle does his eyes finally slowly open, his lips curling when he looks down at his now very cock drunk girlfriend with a satisfied smirk. His chuckle is low and silk-like, his morning voice making your cunt clench around nothing.

“Well,” his breathing remains labored, his jaw hanging open, “Good morning to you too, Mamita… Mmfuck.”

He says as you maintain eye contact, your lips wrapped around his long and thick member, tongue tracing along a vein. You pull away with a wet smack before saying, “Happy Valentine’s Day, Daddy”, in the most sing song tone of voice.

Miguel tuts at your adorable yet seductive response, “ay, beba, so thoughtful n’ good to me…do that again...” he pleads.

“Like this, Daddy?” You ask, lapping your tongue over his tip just the way he likes it.

“Oh-oh fuck… si, just like that, mamita, así, goood girllll.” his head falls back against the headboard for a moment to sigh before looking back down at you again, seeing his balls in your mouth as your thumb works on his sensitive tip almost making him instantly burst.

You know he’s getting close when he starts panting, propping himself on his elbows and reaching a hand out to your scalp (it practically covers your entire head), gently applying pressure now that he’s in your mouth again. “Aw shit…. I’m close, mama, almost there… fuck, takin’ my fat cock so well, princesa…” He mutters apologies and thank you’s as he relentlessly rams into your mouth, his bush managing to meet the tip of your nose almost every time. He growls as he starts greedily thrusting his hips, face fucking his release into you.

You take your sweet time pulling him out of lips, making sure to get every single drop, your eyes on his the entire time. Once he’s out of your mouth, he sees you swallow, “Open,” and you do as he asks, “diablo, mami, eres tan sucia.” You begin to sit up, wiping your mouth, “Only for you, baby… C'mon, there’s some things in the kitchen for yo-“

“Oye, whoa whoa whoa,” He grabs your hand as you’re about to leave the bed and pulls you toward himself, “I didn’t say we were finished, did I?”

You fall into the bed again, Miguel guiding your hips onto his lap as he sloppily makes out with you, his tongue practically down your throat. “I’m not done with you yet, nena,” he mumbles against your lips.

He lays back down on the bed, “C’mere. Sientate.” He brings his hands up to his face motioning for you to sit on your throne.

You wince, now realizing you forgot that you had meant to shave last night.

“Babe, noooo wait... I haven’t shaved…”

Miguel furrows his brows, a confused scowl on his face.

“Mama. Look me in the face and tell me if I look like I care.” You begin to smile seeing how Miguel was starting to look genuinely mad at you for saying such a ridiculous thing.

“Now, I said sientate. I’m hungry.” He says sternly.

“You sureee? You really don't have to-”

“I don’t like repeating myself.” He commands. This man wasn’t playing any games. He was starving.

Your smile widens at his insistence. Your boyfriend was a real man.

Placing your hands on his hairy, thick body for support, you scoot your way up to his face, Miguel’s grin getting wider as your wet cunt comes into full view.

“So perfect for me, fuck,” His voice is sweet and tender now, planting a few equally tender kisses on your inner thighs, making sure to show them some love before you squeeze his head between them like a melon. “Te amo mucho, you know that, mama? Wanna make you feel good, beba.”

“Mhm,” You nod, biting your lip as the breath of his voice tickles your womanhood.

If Miguel could, he would just live in between your thighs just like this for all of eternity. His absolute favorite place in the whole world. “N' when I tell you to sit on my face, yo nunca quiero ir ese porqueria, understood?”

His stern tone made both your heart and pussy flutter. “Yessir.”

Your hands use the edge of the headboard as support, tentatively hovering your hips over his face as he showers your inner thighs with loving pecks and nibbles, the smack of his lips making your pussy clench again.

One of his big hands steadies your hips with a tight grip, the other moving your panties aside to reveal your unshaven lips.

“Prettiest pussy ever…. y todo es mio. Fuck, you’re so wet, mamita, did I do that?” He speaks mockingly.

You sigh when his lips kiss your clit, his tongue following shortly after by flicking it a couple times. You hear him grunt beneath you after having to lift his head off the bed to reach your hole.

"Baby, sit down. All of your body weight." He's short with his words. It sounds more like an order than a request.

"But Miguel-"

He breathes out, "You're really testing my patience, mama." And with that, his massive hands wrap firmly around your waist and pull you down, a yelp falling from your mouth as he feasts on your sensitive pussy.

Miguel is the definition of a munch. His head movement adds to the stimulation, moving it up and down, side to side; any effort to submerge his face deeper into your folds. His nose, the perfect size and shape that brushes against your clit while he simultaneously slurps and tongue fucks your cunt. The vibrations of his ‘Mmmph’s, the scruff of his face rubbing against your inner thighs, and softly pressing your clit between his tongue and front teeth were the cherry on top.

Your sounds are pornographic as he eats you out. When you're unable to sit up straight anymore due to the immense pleasure, you lean back, hands landing behind you on his soft pecs, pushing into them in an effort to get some kind of break, but Miguel wasn't having it. Plus, he was way stronger than you. There was no escaping him. A small part of you wondered how he was going so long without coming up for air, but you quickly answer your own question when you remember that your man loves to eat, and when he does, he’s like a starved man. Each time you pushed, his grasp only got stronger, but as much as you pushed, you truthfully didn't want him to stop. Ever.

"B-baby, baby… I- I- c-can't," you cry, unable to speak without stopping mid-sentence to let out a whine, "I'm so close, Daddy, don't stop, please, don't stop, don't stop!" You became a broken record, all sense leaving your body. The only thing on your mind was Miguel's mouth ravishing your weeping cunt. You sat forward again, now tugging on his hair, making him hum further and fueling his hunger. "Mmmph fuck! I won't mama, I won't, don't worry... I'll give you whatever you want," You began to literally ride his face, desperately chasing your climax with his hands slapping against your ass. Miguel was in heaven with this view, bucking his own hips into the air from how perfect you looked like this.

“Mmm… such a dirty fuckin’ girl you are,” smack, “wakin' me up like this… ay, que ricoooo, sabe tan dulce,” smack, “puta madre, Puedo vivir de este coño y nada más…” both his voice, an octave lower, and the wet, sucking sounds of his mouth helped uncoil the knot in your stomach, bursting on his handsome face.

Your hips stutter and your jaw falls open when you cum, Miguel drinking in your juices as if he’s been stranded on the Sahara for weeks. You could’ve split his skull into two, that’s how hard you pressed your thighs together, but he wouldn’t have it any other way.

Miguel finally lets you go, allowing you to sit on his chest now, both of you catching your breaths. He smirks back up at you, and you roll your eyes, blushing. "awww, mi princesita gets all shy when I make her cum, eh?"

"Leave me aloooneeee." With Miguel’s big hands as support and guidance, he rolls over, so he’s still in between your legs, but you’re now the bottom, and him the top. With your legs now around his waist, He chuckles at you and goes to kiss your flushed cheeks.

Then he goes in for a sweet, romantic kiss on the lips. You feel safe and taken care of while feeling his body weight on you again, his soft tummy against yours and his big muscly arms wrapped securely around you. You can feel his cock twitch against your overstimulated cunt, completely soaked from his second climax from simply eating you out, no doubt. He moves any hair on your face aside, caressing your cheek when he does.

“Happy Valentine’s Day, princesita. Have I told you how much I love you?” He coos, pure adoration in his eyes.

You manage a soft, tired smile, “Every day. I love you, too.” you chuckle, “Oh! I made you breakfast! You must be hungry, baby…” you say, as you start getting up.

He gently stops you, and you lay back down.

“I am… but not for food.”

Safe to say the feast you prepared was cold by the time y’all got to the kitchen<3

Hope u liked it <3 It's a bit longer but I've been thinking alottttt about this tee hee!!!

This is a culmination of my thots and the thots of some of my hot moots, so Tysm @mybvalentine @gltzpzy for the ideas <3

Happy Valentine’s season, my loves!!! Wishing everyone not only a day but a whole new year of love. Not just romantic love, but also the love of your friends, family, and above all, the love for yourself <3

Speak to yourself kindly, treat your heart nicely, and consume all the chocolate!!!! You deserve ittt!!!

P.s. n if u don’t have a Valentine’s, I’ll happily be urs 🤭 MWAH!

- Cupcake xoxo

Want more DadBod!Miguel ? Here’s my master list, bae!!