#latest website advertising

[hexiva]

Roleplay Is Not Dead Nor Doth It Sleep

There's a post going around about how text-based, freeform roleplay is dead, and I was typing up a huge response to this, with an accompanying guide on how to find roleplayer in 2024, when I realized it might have a bigger reach if I made it its own post. So here's that guide.

I hesitate to say that there isn't a problem with the new format of social media making roleplay more difficult to find, but in the desire to make that point, the OP of the original post has left people with the idea that there's no way for them to get into freeform text roleplay in 2024. Which just isn't true! Here, look at all the ways.

Forums

The link to RPG-Directory to find roleplaying forums is a good start. Once you've found a forum RPG, even if you don't join, there's usually an 'advertising' section on that forum where other forum RPGs post their ads - this may help you to find forums that don't advertise on RPG-D.

Another really good forum to find roleplay on is Barbermonger. Barbermonger is focused on connecting people for one-on-one roleplays.

This last one's going to be weird, but it turns out that there are still people seeking roleplay on the Gaia Online forums after all these years. I think this is delightfully retro and then crowd there seems a little older than average. No pre-existing knowledge of Gaia required.

Tumblr

You can also find forum roleplay groups (as well as tumblr and Discord groups) right here on Tumblr. Usually, the thing to do is to use the search function - search for "[genre] rp" or "[fandom] rp" and sort by "latest." (If you sort by Top, you are likely to find dead RPs.) For example, here's fantasy rp, historical rp, and marvel rp. You can also try jcink rp, as most roleplay forums are hosted on Jcink these days, or discord rp, depending on your favored platform.

There are also tumblr blogs specifically dedicated to advertising roleplays. I'm not super familiar with these nowadays, but just in the process of searching those tags above, I found these:

Jcink Tinder

RPG Adverts

RPings

There are more, I just don't know them off the top of my head.

Reddit

Listen, don't run away, I swear it's good now - I swear Reddit is good now -

Reddit is a good place to find Discord roleplays. It's a little heavier on smut-only roleplays than other platforms mentioned here, but it's not impossible to find sexless, plot-based roleplay here either. Most ads are for one on one RP, but you can find groups mixed in here too. The big subreddits for text-based freeform RP seem to be:

r/DiscordRP

r/RoleplayPartnerSearch

r/roleplaying

r/Roleplay

Some of these have weird rules about what you can put in your ad, and I don't remember which ones, so read carefully and don't get discouraged if your ad is initially removed.

Discord

In 2024, Discord is by far the biggest and most popular platform for roleplay, and it has its own native roleplay advertising hubs. Here are a bunch:

roleplay partner hub

Rockin Roleplay

The Roleplay Garden

roleplay help

the roleplay connection

RP Central

Roleplay Central

Roleplay Hub

Barbermonger also has a Discord server

Roleplay Meets: Reborn

RP Hub

The Scribes Guild

DM Rp Village

cherry blossom! roleplay hub

DM-RP

Roleplay Round Table (21+)

The Historical Syndicate (specifically for historical roleplay)

The Roleplayer's Directory

If you can't find the Discord roleplay you want on here, you can also try Discord hub websites, like Disboard. These work similar to tumblr tags - search for [genre] rp or [fandom] rp.

Other

The original post specifically mentions that 'all the old "omegle but for role play" type websites died out ages ago'. This is mostly true, but not quite! There's still Rolechat. It's a little janky, but what it needs more than anything is a bigger user base. Their Discord server is also a good place to find one on one discord roleplay. It is, of course, free, but if you want to support its development, they have a patreon.

Please reblog this post, and add your own tips on how to find roleplay!

[rebeccathenaturalist]

Okay, y'all, it's rant time again. Buckle up.

A new report just came out from Public Citizen highlighting the dangers of using apps and AI foraging guides for identifying mushrooms, particularly when mushroom foraging. It's the latest in a string of warnings that are fighting against a tide of purported convenience ("just take a picture and get your answer instantly!")

I've ranted about this since last August, and I also wrote up a detailed post on how to identify an AI-generated foraging guide. I'm also including info on the limitations of apps and AI in The Everyday Naturalist: How to Identify Animals, Plants, and Fungi Wherever You Go. I'm not just saying this to toot my own horn--it's because nature identification, and teaching it to others, is literally what I do for a living. So this is a topic near and dear to my heart.

I teach a very, very specific sort of identification class; whether we're focusing on animals, plants, fungi, or all of the above, I walk people through a detailed process of how to observe a given organism, make note of its various physical traits and habitat, and use that information to try to determine what it is. I emphasize the need to use as many sources as possible--field guides, websites, online and in-person groups, journal articles, etc.--to make absolutely sure that your identification is solid.

And every year, I get people (thankfully, a very small minority of my students) who complain because my two-hour basic mushroom hunting class wasn't just five minutes of introduction and one hundred and fifteen minutes of me showing slide after slide of edible mushrooms. There are so many people out there who just want a quick, easy answer so they can frolic in the woods and blithely pick mushrooms like some idealized image of a cottagecore herbalist with a cabin full of dried plants and smiling frogs or something.

While I do incorporate a bit of information on getting started with the app iNaturalist in my classes, it is as only ONE of MANY tools I encourage people to use. Sure, it's more solid than most apps because, in addition to the algorithmic I.D. suggestions it initially gives you, other iNaturalist users can go onto your observations later and either agree with your I.D.s or suggest something different and even explain why.

And yet--even as great as iNat is, it and its users can still be wrong. So can every other I.D. app out there. And I think that is one thing that the hyper-romanticized approaches to foraging--and nature identification in general--miss. In order to be a good forager, you HAVE to also be good at nature identification.

And nature identification is an entire process that requires you to have solid observational and critical thinking skills, to be able to independently research using many different types of tools, and be willing to invest the time, patience, and focus to properly arrive at a solid identification--if not to species level, then as far down the taxonomic ladder as you can realistically manage. (There's a reason even the experts complain about Little Brown Mushrooms and Damned Yellow Composites!)

People mistake one single tool--apps--for the entire toolkit. They assume any book they find on Amazon is going to be as good as any other, and don't take the time to look up the author to determine any credentials or experience, or even whether they actually exist or not. It doesn't help that the creators of these products often advertise them as "the only [book/app/etc.] you need to easily identify [organism of choice]!"

I mean, sure, the world isn't going to end if you never question the birdsong results on the Merlin app, or if you go through life thinking a deer fern is just a baby western sword fern. But when we get into people actually eating things they find in the wild, there's often no room for error. There are plants and mushrooms that can kill you even if you only eat a tiny amount. And even if they don't kill you, they may make you wish you were dead for a few days while you suffer through a whole host of gastrointestinal nastiness and other symptoms.

There aren't any shortcuts if you want to be safe in your foraging. You HAVE to be willing to do the work. And any teacher, author, or product that says otherwise isn't being ethical. I'm glad to see more people speaking out against the "fast foodization" of foraging in regards to overreliance on apps and the existence of AI foraging books; I just hope it's enough to prevent more people from getting sick or dying.

[solradguy]

I'm not done hating on Xtra yet, I want to laugh how it was never included in anything. It's not in the timeline in the 10th Memorial Book (Xtra released September 22, 2003):

They put Raid of Arms in here though. You know, the lost media no one knows anything about that was exclusive to i-mode devices as part of the Guilty Gear Club website:

There's a list of books further down that doesn't have Xtra either. I included the top of the Soundtrack section to show I didn't crop it out or something.

Xtra was the only volume published by Kodansha instead of Studio DNA, Enterbrain, or Ohzora Publishing like all the other volumes, so none of the "other books in this series" advertising sections in any of the manga would have had it even if it did sell well and was popular.

That said, ASW never even announced its serialization OR physical volume release on their website. This is an October 2003 archive and the latest news were from August 1st and July 16th.

The next site archive Wayback has is from November 27, 2003, and updates to include a bunch of stuff from December '03 up to early February 2004, but it still doesn't mention Xtra anywhere. Xtra was serialized in Monthly Magazine-Z from December 2002 to September 2003. The guiltygearx site archive doesn't mention this serialization in any of the November or December 2002 news. This is just barely on the tail end of the era when the GGX website still linked to Sol/Ky yaoi pages, so you could probably argue that at one point ASW had more support for yaoi than it did for Xtra lol

None of the Guilty Gear Worlds mention Tyr or Mizuha either and the events of Xtra are only mentioned on the pages of characters that made cameos in it.

Like dust in the wind.

[gentlebeardsbarngrill]

03/12/2024 Daily OFMD Recap

TLDR; More BTS/Photos; Samba Schutte Cameo; Taika; Fan Spotlight; London Billboards/Trucks; Uproar; LubeAsACrew; Watch Party Reminders; Continued Efforts; Trends; Love Notes; DailyDarby/Tonight's Taika

Hey all! Thank you so much for your feedback on the recaps! Right now I'm planning on sticking too them, but may cut them down depending on the day. Right now we seem to be pretty solid on daily news so I'll keep them the way they are for now. I appreciate you all sharing your thoughts with me <3

== Cast & Crew Sightings ==

== More BTS / Photos ==

Well as many of you know, the things that broke the internet were the latest photos that were found by @jodegg on LK Creatives Website

Nicola Dove also put up some more photos recently! Thank you to @kiwistede for putting them all in one place in this post.

= Samba Schutte =

Thank you so much to @gheyandwoke on Twitter for getting a cameo from Samba! It's absolutely beautiful and totally worth a listen.

== Taika Waititi ==

Taika's out here advertising for hot tubs, and seems to be enjoying himself with Rita! Src: Taika's Instagram

== Fan Spotlight ==

== Cast Cards ==

Tonight's cast card is Rachel House! Absolutely love Rachel in so many of her roles! Thank you @melvisik for highlighting her works!

== Ari Azure's Act of Grace ==

Our lovely crew-mate @ariazureyt wrote a song about OFMD being cancelled, and commissioned @enabuns to draw, and @ferventrabbit on vocals! The full song will be released on their youtube this Friday! To follow along for updates, visit their Link.tree

== London Billboard ==

A few more photos from the SaveOFMDCrew meetup at the London Billboard in Leicaster Square! Wanna see them all? Visit the @saveofmdcrewmates website!

Our crew-mate @heather.in.wonderland on Instagram brought Little Ed with her to visit the billboard!

== Trucks Ads Outside Amazon! ==

== Save OFMD Meet Up In London Video! ==

See the whole post on tumblr!

Website: https://www.help.saveofmd.com/ Petition: change.org/p/save-our-flag-means-death Socials: linktr.ee/saveofmdcrew

Vocals: twitter.com/ferventrabbit

Video: twitter.com/kristybean18

Lyrics: Set your eyes upon the screen A wondrous sight to see This is "La Vue en rose" Londoners from far and near Will likely shed a tear To see "La Vue en rose" The petition climbs so high No streamer can deny The power of our show We’ll spread the word about our pirates dear Until the fandom at last perseveres Look upon the lovely sight To keep our hope alight "La Vue en rose"

== Uproar Coming To America! ==

Get your tickets at fandango!

== Watch Party Reminders! ==

== Lube As A Crew ==

Our dear friends over at @astroglideofficial are hosting one last Lube As A Crew, with all of Season 2 in one go! Starts Friday March 15th 12 pm Noon PST ( 4pm EST, 8 pm GMT)

== Wrecked ==

There are sources being passed around. If access is an issue, DM @iamadequate1 on Twitter or Tumblr

Season 2 watch from March 11th to March 15th. 

Season 3 watch from March 18th to March 22nd. 

Times will be 10pm GMT / 5pm EST / 4pm CST / 2pm PST. Watch two episodes per day. Episodes are 21-22 minutes each. Use the following Saturday for the tags/watch if interested but not able to make this time.

Hashtags: 

#WreckedPirates

#SaveOFMD

#RhysDarbyFaction

== OurFlagRTL ==

Twitter-Watch-Along von Our Flag Means Death:

Streamt Staffel 2 ab dem 15. März.

Samstag, 9.3. 17:00 Folgen 1 bis 3, 

Dienstag, 12.3. 20:00 Folgen 4 & 5, 

Mittwoch, 13.3. 20:00 Folgen 6 & 7, 

Donnerstag 14.3. 20:00 Folgen 8 & 9, 

Freitag, 15.3. 17:30 Folge 10

Und anschließend bingen wir zusammen Staffel 2! 

Schaut und tweetet mit! 

Hashtag:

 OurFlagRTL

== Continued Efforts ==

So even though Chaos Dad, David Jenkins told us there was no more home, several people are still out there fighting the good fight. There's been a few different routes being taken.

1. Sell The Show, Let Us Go

Our crew-mate @patchworkpiratebear has been putting out lots of awesome media regarding this, and several people on twitter have been using #SellTheShowLetUsGo

2. There's been continued and more targeted Polite Menacing against Max, WB, and David Zaslav.

Lots of folks have been either responding to Max's Twitter / IG Post, and others have been focusing specifically on Zaslav.

Specific hashtags being used were #FireDavidZaslav and #DontStreamOnMax Thank you to @iamadequate1 for capturing all these great trends and metrics:

== Articles ==

https://www.themarysue.com/our-flag-means-death-fans-put-up-billboard-in-londons-leicester-square/

SchadenFreude Articles

https://awardsradar.com/2024/03/11/you-had-one-job-david/

https://www.cnbc.com/2024/02/23/warner-bros-discovery-hypes-free-cash-flow-investors-dont-buy-it.html

== Love Notes ==

Hey lovelies. I know that the new photos were both a welcome gift and also a heavy reminder of where OFMD is and what we've lost. For some it's helping them rally, and for others it's really pulling them down deeper into the gravy basket.

Wherever you are, just know it's gonna be okay. Whether we get an s3 or not, and if we do 10 years from now or next week, it's going to be alright. As so many others have said, including our lovely Con O'Neill, they can't take what we have away from us.

I continue to hear from the cast & crew in all their posts that we are some of the much amazing, kind, and engaging folks they've ever met, and you really should be proud of yourself for that. Our cast & crew are wonderful, but the fans are too.

On a slight side note, please if you can, check on your crew-mates today. The initial shock is starting to fade, but a lot of folks are still struggling, or coming back to struggling after a period of being okay. We're all riding the waves right now lovelies, and it'll take some work but we'll get through the storm, but it'll be easier together.

Our friend @thelatestkate has another lovely note for us.. and I second it. We are all weathering the storm right now, but you belong here, and we love that you're here with us, through tears or laughter, or unhinged fun. Be kind to yourselves lovelies, we are small but we are many, and we all care about you, I wish Sweet Dreams / Happy Days for you <3 Love you Crew.

== Daily Darby / Tonight's Taika ==

I've run out of images allowed on one post so we're just gonna do a combo one tonight, and since this scene is the theme of the day, we'll go with the goofiest one of all. Gif courtesy of @stedesbonnets / @edsrosetattoo (The gifs are being weird AF tonight, its showing one name but apparently it's not right? Apologies if I'm not crediting the right folks!)

[drinkyourvillainjuice]

Latest Tumblr Fuckery

For the record, both people involved in this project are transgender women, and when we see the actions of the photomatt, we are incredibly disappointed.

Trans women have been severely targeted and victimized on this website, and now learning that the website participated in said harassment through a mod taking (transphobic) bribes is, what I would say, really fucking bad!

Despite using this website to advertise our game, we do not agree with this sort of behavior from the website's CEO and the administrative team.

[the-overthinktank]

in what way is it a doomed investment? I've seen a lot of artist lose their jobs to it already, it has had a greater impact than nft's and right now they're going on to make ai video's. I'm sure the bubble will break eventually but, yea share your thoughts.

Here's an article I recommend reading.

We're at the peak of a tech hype cycle. People are absolutely getting hurt and laid off from billions of dollars being poured into the latest money hole that the developers double pinkie prommy will actually work the way they're advertising... at some later date; but I suspect the main staying power for this tech is going to be spam/advertisement generation and disinformation. If you want to provide a quality chat service or make art worth looking at, human intervention is necessary even if you use generative AI as a starting point. While none of this is... good, in the same way NFTs and useless dotcom sites were not good, I am skeptical of a lot of the panic around generative AI replacing humans long term because I think it lends legitimacy to the people claiming it can competently do that.

I also think a lot of the panic around tumblr specifically is kind of redundant. I don't appreciate the site fucking condoning it, but all major social media sites have already been getting fed into these things. There is (currently) no real way to stop these companies from throwing whatever they want off of google into the machine and claiming they totally only use non-copyrighted goods, because they're drawing from billions of images and source texts and there's (currently) no easy way to check besides combing through those massive databases.

Besides, if you publicly post art online, there's already dozens of other websites scraping income off of your work. The social media you use hosts ads, and your art and presence on social media is what draws in new ad viewers and revenue. And there's aggregator sites that draw from and repost stuff from other social media sites, and they host ads. Listacle "news" sites put their top ten favorite web finds on a page covered in ads. Web searches that show your art in a pile of other images host ads. If your art is popular, the number of sites scraping income off of your work grows proportionately. This is my personal opinion, but I'd say AI is a new hat on a commons-exploitation problem that's as almost as old as the internet.

[maigeiko]

The look of… IX: Hakone-Yumoto Onsen

History Although it‘s likely that Geisha worked in Hakone since the late 19th century, not much can be found about their history. The current Kenban was built in 1950 [1]. In the early/mid 80's (before the bubble economy), 400-450 Geisha lived in Hakone [2]. The Otosan of Ikedaya Okiya reformed the traditional employment system and introduced benefits like pension plans and financial compensations for cancelled jobs [3].

In 2000 latest, the Hakone Yumoto Kenban launched its own website [4], creating a space for Okiya to advertise and look for new members [5]. In 2001, the Okasan of Wakita became the current head of the Geigi Union. In order to ensure the survival of local Hanamachi culture, the Kenban became open to public in 2008, and the Geisha band Basara (婆娑羅) was founded in 2009. [2]

In the late 2010's, around 150 Geisha from age 18 to 80 lived in 32 Okiya. Lack of work during the Corona pandemic reduced their numbers to 109 in 2021. The amount of Geisha working in Hakone has increased meanwhile, with 140 of them active in January 2024, but still hasn‘t reached its pre-pandemic levels. [2]

The look of Hakone Maiko

Local term: Kirariko きらり妓

※ Hairstyle: own hair, Shimada mage and Hanaogi mage

※ Kanzashi: Kushi, maezashi, non-seasonal hana kanzashi

※ Make up: western make up or light oshiroi, both lips painted from the start

※ Kimono: Furisode mostly without tucks (rarely with sleeve tucks)

※ Eri: white, white with embroidery (red, red/pink)

※ Obi: Koken musubi

※ Obiage: tied and tucked in, red

※ Obijime: red with simple, rectangular Obidome

※ Footwear: white or black Zori

The look of Hakone Geiko

Local term: Geisha

※ Hairstyle: Taka shimada or Tsubushi shimada Katsura

※ Kanzashi: Taka shimada: Kushi, Tama in the back, Kogai in the back, and sometimes in the front too. Tsubushi shimada: Kushi, Tama

※ Make up: Oshiroi

※ Kimono: Mostly Homongi/Tsukesage, sometimes Hikizuri. Kuromontsuki for Tachikata is always a Hikizuri

※ Eri: white, rarely with white or pink embriodery

※ Obi: Yanagi musubi with Kuromontsuki (white/blue Hakata ori), otherwise Otaiko musubi

※ Obiage: always red with Kuromontsuki, otherwise white, pink or light blue. Usually not patterned.

※ Obijime: light-coloured. No Obijime with Yanagi musubi

※ Footwear: Zori, Geta with white or blue Hanao

Casual/Jikata style

※ Hairstyle: Yohatsu

※ Kanzashi: usually none, maki (蒔絵) kanzashi at best

※ Make up: western make up

※ Kimono: Kurotomesode, otherwise Homongi

※ Eri: white

※ Obi: Otaiko musubi

※ Obiage: mostly warm pastel colours, but basically anything goes. Not patterned.

※ Obijime: Sometimes with Obidome

※ Footwear: Zôri

Otoko style

※ Hairstyle: Maeware Katsura

※ Kanzashi: Tama pin in the back

※ Make up: Oshiroi

※ Kimono: Hômongi

※ Eri: white

※ Obi: Koken musubi with mint/light green Kakae Obi (抱え帯)

※ Obiage: red, white, pink or light blue. Obidome not uncommon

※ Obijime: light-coloured

Notes

Arts: The schools taught in Hakone are Nishikawa 西川 (dance), Honjo 本條 (Kouta, Hauta and Min‘yo), Kineya 杵屋 (Nagauta) and Tosha 藤舎 (Hayashi). [6]

Kirariko is a newly coined term in use since 2003 to call junior Geisha in the age group from 18-30. [7] Upon turning 30, Kirariko have to take either a „dancer grade B“ or „dancer grade A“ test. To pass the B test, she has to perform two dances. For the grade A test, she has to perform three female style and three male style dances. [8]

Companions: Okiya recruit and employ companions as well as Geisha. Companions receive a fixed wage, which is usually lower than that of the Geisha, but the customer pays the same price. Companions can be requested to wear either western clothing or Kimono. Western clothing is a business suit provided for free by the Okiya, Kimono can be rented for a set fee by the Okiya as well. [9] Companions receive professional names like Geisha. They don‘t study performing arts and can work part-time. Their job is to serve drinks and food and engage in „pleasant conversation“ with customers at banquets. [10] In my opinion, a good entry-level job in the Karyukai – some companions became Geisha later in their carreer. [11]

Becoming independent: after being Geisha for seven years, you have the opportunity of opening a branch of your debut Okiya. In all cases I know, the new Okiya takes one or two characters from the original Okiya. For example Ikedaya 池田家 → Wakita 和喜田 and Yukieda 雪江田 (田 Kanji is part of the new name). Wakita 和喜田 → Suzuwa すず和 and Yukiwa ゆき和 (和). Kitami 㐂田見 → Kisaya 㐂茶家 (㐂).

Changing Okiya registration: only possible when becoming independent, or when your (biological) mother, sister, or daughter opens a new Okiya.

Sources

[1] https://note.com/meetgeisha/n/n1cc907ffd4c9. [2] https://www.tokyo-np.co.jp/article/301712, [3] https://conex-eco.co.jp/hakonesaisai/71824/ [4] https://web.archive.org/web/20000919171055/http://www.geisha.co.jp:80/ [5] https://web.archive.org/web/20001017234326/http://www.geisha.co.jp/okiya-name.htm,[6] https://geisha.co.jp/kenban/, [7] https://web.archive.org/web/20040408030159/http://www11.plala.or.jp/fukunoya/what_is_kirariko.html,[8] https://konohanasakuya.blogspot.com/2012/03/dance-performance.html,[9] https://yukieda.com/kyuujin_answer/, [10] https://yukieda.com/recruit/companion/,[11] https://web.archive.org/web/20080220191156/http://www.00wakita.com/hyousyou.html

Picture sources: Group picture 2024, Hakone Odori, three Kirariko 2023, Kirariko back view 2023, Geisha dancing, Geisha preparing Tosenkyo set 2019, Sumomo with a dancer 2009, Anzu and Yuho 2023, really nice picture of Yumiko with Kokyu 2022, Chacha dancing 2022, Atsumi and unknown Tachikata 2019, Natsumi 2022, Matsuyoshi new year's picture 2023

[nilly002]

Probably nobody that wants to hear this but I am so fucking pissed about reddit killing itself.

Reddit was my favourite place on the entire web. Unlike all the other social media it wasn't about putting individual users on a stage and everyone following them it was simply a shared stage with the users collectively deciding what get's to be in the spotlight.

Yes it was a shithole but it was our shithole. We decided what we got. The algorithm on reddit was utter dogshit and everyone just disabled it, the real algorithm was the hive mind filtering the best content to the top. All the while actual conversation and debate was actually possible because the comments were not arbitrarily limited in length or ordered by what can only be described as little Timmy's first attempt at a Bogosort algorithm.

We had a fucking contract: users bring the content and watch ads, moderators keep the site usable and the amount of effort reddit has to put in to not get sued down to a minimum, all reddit had to do was provide the servers, ban a subreddit once in a blue moon and be content with having a decently profitable site with the factually most worthless users of big social media

But NOOOOO "We NeEd To InCrEaSe PrOfItS! ThOsE pEsKy ThIrD pArTy ApPs ArE sTeAlInG oUr MoNeY" No you idiot they just provided a better service than you did. Why shut them down when you could just copy what they have and make them unnecessary? And then in the process they try to softban nsfw as well because "ItS bAd FoR aDvErTiSmEnT!" god how I fucking hate capitalism.

There's this beautiful thing that people have created in collaboration which brings joy, news, entertainment, education, support and community to so many people and it was ALREADY PROFITABLE but no we need to ruin it to squeeze out as much cash as possible.

Fuck all those people who helped build the website and make it what it is today, fuck all the users who contributed it and spent sleepless nights to make some dumb pixel art bringing your shitty ass website into the news all across the globe fuck all the moderators who spent countless hours doing unpaid labour to keep a community they loved alive and saving you billions in moderation costs, fuck everyone that loves this website

BECAUSE WE WANT MORE MONEY!

Growth for the sake of growth is the ideology of a cancer cell and for reddit the diagnosis is terminal.

[queen-of-writing-bad-things]

Henry Danger Reader Insert | Captain Man x Reader: SEASON 1

Episode 1: The Danger Begins Pt.1

~Henry's House~

~Third Person PoV~

It was another typical day in Swellview. As usual, Henry Hart, Charlotte Page, and Jasper Dunlop were at Henry's house, trying to finish their homework. Henry and Charlotte sat on the sofa, focusing on the algebra questions in front of them, but Jasper quickly grabbed their attention as he stood with his PearPad and read the latest Swellview news.

"Hey, did you guys see what Captain Man did yesterday?" Jasper said excitedly, showing the device to Henry, who was now ignoring the math he was supposed to be doing in preparation for the upcoming math test.

"Can we focus on algebra?" Charlotte was exasperated. She had always been the smartest of the three friends and preferred to get her homework done quickly and correctly, unlike the two boys with her. 

"There was a fire at a pet store, and Captain Man ran inside, right through the flames, and saved all the animals!" The curly-haired boy told the story to both of them. 

"And he didn't even get hurt!" Henry looked over at Jasper.

"Captain Man never gets hurt. He's a beast," He replied, returning his focus to the website on his screen.

"Y'know, someday when you guys are cleaning my swimming pool 'cause you failed this algebra test, then flunked out of school, I hope you remember this moment, 'cause I will." Charlotte sassed them both, knowing that she would be prepared for the test, but the boys would have nothing but Captain Man's heroic actions in their brains. 

Henry clicked on another advert and quickly skimmed over the advertised information. 

"Hey, here's a cool job I could do," He slammed his shoe onto the coffee table in front of Charlotte, even though she was still trying to work out her sums.

"Foot model," Henry stated, which caused Charlotte to look up at her blond friend with a confused and weirded-out expression.

"You guys, could we go over the list for my birthday party?" Jasper interrupted them with an excited tone from his place at the kitchen bar. 

"Sure." Henry gave him a friendly smile.

"No." Charlotte quickly shot down Jasper's request, looking up from her homework.

"No." This time, Henry changed his answer to match Charlotte's annoyed tone.

"But I invited 52 people, and nobody's texted back yet. What does that mean?" Jasper asked them with a confused voice.

"That people have been to your parties before?" Henry joked, looking at Jasper and recalling all of Jasper's disastrous parties he'd attended.

"Oh, come on, my parties aren't that bad." Jasper shrugged off Henry's comment, trying to defend himself, but Charlotte quickly jumped in.

"Christmas three years ago, 15 kids ended up in the hospital." The dark-haired girl said, remembering one of the worst ones.

"'Cause of your raw turkey." Henry chimed in.

"It was turkey sushi." Jasper tried to tell them, even though his actions couldn't logically be explained. 

"A boy almost died." Charlotte reasoned exasperatedly, trying to get to Jasper and make him see why giving people raw turkey is bad.

"Almost!" Jasper quickly retorted, putting a chip in his mouth, thinking he'd won the argument.

"Okay!" Henry threw his arms in the air. "First person who helps me find an after-school job gets this bowl of pine cones." He picked up the large bowl and offered it to his friends, which caused Jasper to gasp in excitement. 

"Wow. Why do you even need a job?" Charlotte asked with scepticism from the ridiculous offer of pine cones.

"Y'know, to learn responsibility, challenge myself..." Henry replied, listing all of his aspirational reasons, but Jasper was quick to interrupt him with the real reason why he was so desperate for a job.

"He wants money."

"I want money," the blond boy agreed, looking back at Charlotte, who was walking towards the kitchen. 

"Money's good." She agreed.

"Can we please talk about my birthday?" Jasper brought up his party again, much to the annoyance of his female friend.

"Am I gonna have to slap a boy?" she sighed sarcastically, but there was also some truth in her voice. Jasper annoyed her sometimes. The curly-haired boy at the bar looked back at her with panic, but the comment made Henry smile down at his computer.

"Henry, can you please tell me how in the wor--" Kris Hart, Henry's mom started as she appeared from upstairs and walked down the stairs. When she looked across the room, it was only then she noticed her son's best friends were also in the living room.

"Oh, I didn't know Jasper and Charlotte were here." She smiled, looking cheerful with her laundry basket under her arm.

"We're studying." Jasper smiled back.

"Are we?" Charlotte retorted, knowing they hadn't done much actual work.

"Mom, we're right in the middle of something." Henry tried to get her to leave, not wanting to have his mom around his friends.

"I'm not interrupting." She said, plopping the laundry basket down on the coffee table. 

"Okay, thanks."

"I just have a question about your underwear," Mrs Hart said, holding up a pair of blue underwear, which embarrassed Henry. 

"Mom!" Henry exclaimed with a horrified voice, as his friends were now laughing at what his mother was holding.

"I'd like to hear the question." Charlotte teased, walking behind Henry and resting her hands on the couch.

"What is the issue with Henry's underwear?" Jasper joined in, smirking at Mrs Hart to make his oldest friend blush. He, too, was now resting his arms on the couch with Charlotte.

"Mom!" Piper, Henry's little sister burst through the front door, stealing everyone's attention away from the underwear situation for a minute.

"Mom, I'm not okay," Piper shouted the phrase that she often did, making Mrs Hart turn around to face her. Henry also looked over, trying to use his big brother status tocalm his bratty sister.

"Piper, we're trying to study here." 

"I'm talking to my mother." Piper sassed back with irritation evident in her voice.

Henry decided he couldn't deal with her, so he rolled his eyes and looked back down at his PearBook.

"What's wrong, baby?" Mrs Hart looked at her only daughter with a sympathetic expression.

"Jessica unfollowed me!" The 9-year-old showed up again with an angry expression. She showed her PearPhone to her mom.

"No one cares!" Henry said back, clearly not understanding why the tiny issue so worked up Piper. He stood up with his laptop and walked off.

"Henry! Why would Jessica unfollow you?" Mrs Hart tried to keep the situation between her children calm. 

"'Cause she posted a picture of her with me and Allison, so I posted a comment that said, "OMG, you look gorgeous." Piper started to explain.

"Well, that's nice." Her mother interrupted in a pleasant voice.

"No. 'Cause Allison thought it meant she looked gorgeous, so she posted a comment that said, "Thanks, ILY." And so then Jessica got jealous and unfollowed me, and now I hate myself, and I'm gonna die!". The young girl failed to see how silly and superfluous her problem was, much to her mother's confusion. 

"I'll call Jessica's mom and talk to her." Mrs Hart reasoned, picking up her basket and walking off, which upset her daughter. 

"No! That's not okay!" Piper followed her mom, shouting at her from behind.

"Dang it! All these jobs say I've got to have skills." Henry slumped back into his seat at the kitchen table in defeat from not finding a job he liked.

"So? You got tons of skills." Jasper looked at him and tried to cheer him up.

"Name one." 

"You're a great dancer." Henry looked at him with a confused face. 

"Not I'm not." 

"You could take lessons," Jasper said back, waving his finger at his friend as he sat down on a stool.

"Oh my gosh." Henry suddenly looked worried and stood up from his chair.

"What?"Charlotte asked with a curious tone.

"I'm-- I'm not great at anything. This is tragic." He replied with a sad voice.

"Here, let me see." Charlotte wandered over to his computer and combed all the job adverts listed on the site whilst Henry was still complaining about himself.

"I'm just a big pile of average." He glumly exclaimed as Charlotte busily typed away.

"Okay, here's a job." Charlotte smiled with success, and Henry's attention was quickly on the screen as Jasper came up behind them.

"At a store called Junk-N-Stuff. It says, "Needed: part-time helper for various duties." Charlotte read out to the amusement of Jasper, who was giggling to himself behind her at the word 'duties'. The other two kids looked at him with a 'seriously?' expression on their faces before returning to look at the ad.

"And see? It says, "No special skills necessary." She added to Henry's delight.

"That's me. I've got to go get that job." Henry said with excitement, running towards the couch, grabbing the bowl of pine cones, and running them back to Charlotte in his hands.

"You get the pine cones." He said with a cheerful voice.

Charlotte took them from him with a bemused look on her face. Jasper looked disappointedly between them. He desperately wanted those pine cones.

"Sweet." Charlotte took them, rolling her eyes. After she had received them, Henry ran to the door, eager to get to Junk-N-Stuff before anyone else could apply for the job. 

Good luck, Hen!" Charlotte called after him sweetly.

"Thanks!" And with a slam of the door, he was gone.

"If you give me a pine cone, I'll lick my elbow." Jasper offered the girl, who looked at him like he was insane. He tentatively reached for one of them, only for Charlotte to smack his hand away sharply.

~Junk-N-Stuff~ 

Henry entered the store he saw in the ad. Immediately after he oped the door, a giant T-Rex head on the wall breathed fire, causing him to look at it in wonder and amazement. An Indian man sat at the cash register, suspiciously looking at the boy who had just entered. Another man, wearing dark clothing with a black hat, was busy browsing the wacky junk that was up on the shelves. 

Taking a closer look at the dubious man, Henry noticed that he had a distinct tattoo on his neck, but before he could properly inspect it, the man caught him staring.

"What are you looking at?" He said in a harsh voice, which caused Henry to stutter a little and look away.

"Uh, nothing. Just, uh, this turtle's butt." His answer seemed to make the man back off, and with a quick apology, he continued browsing.

Taking another look around the shop, Henry noticed the cashier was letting a huge Venus Fly Trap drink from an M-shaped straw. Clearing his throat, he introduced himself to the odd man. 

"Um, my name is Henry Hart. I'm here about the job." 

"The job?" The man said slowly, as the plant next to him burped.

"Um, did that plant burp?" Henry asked.

"Go back," The cashier said mysteriously, which confused the boy even more than he already was in the kooky store.

"Um, what? Come back?"

"Go back." He repeated, saying nothing more, not a single detail. 

"Where?" Henry pressed as the man continued to drink through the curly straw.

"To the back." 

"Oh, go to the back." The blond boy finally understood.

"Take the elevator down." The man explained very slowly.

"What floor?"

"Down." Was all the man had to say, which made the plant squeak, adding to Henry's bewilderment.

"You too." He pointed at the flytrap and started to make his way to the back of the store slowly.

Walking through the back, he came to a rusty-looking elevator, but the phone in his pocket started to ring before he could press any buttons.

"Hey, what's up?" He answered, finding it was Jasper on the line.

"Does my basement smell like chicken poop?" Jasper started with. Of all the questions he could ask, this was the one he asked when Henry was trying to get a job.

"Yes." He could hear Charlotte say in the background. He pressed the elevator button before replying.

"What?" 

"I'm down in my basement with Charlotte, and she says it smells like poop from a chicken." He explained.

"A sick chicken!" He heard his other friend exclaim in the background again.

"Uh, what are you and Charlotte doing in your basement?" Henry was so confused as he stepped into the elevator.

"He wants to have his birthday party down here in this chicken toilet." He could tell Charlotte was annoyed with Jasper again, and he continued to listen to them argue."

"This is my home." Jasper protested in an offended tone, and Henry wanted the conversation to end as he pressed the down button.

"Guys, I can't talk right now. I'm at a job interview, so I gotta go." The second his fingertip left the button, the elevator fell down the shaft, causing him to shout and scream in fear. As he continued to fall with the elevator, he could hear his best friends express their concerns over the phone, but he was too busy failing to reply.

When he finally came to a stop, the doors opened to reveal a bright room filled with cool gadgets and rock music playing loudly. 

"I'll call you back." 

~(y/n)'s PoV~ 

"So tell me again, why do you need a sidekick?" As usual, I asked Ray, who, was excitedly walking around the Man Cave. He turned to me and began to talk to me in his 'Captain Man' voice. 

"Because, my cute little helper, I realised I'm not getting any younger, and need help when I'm out doing cool superhero stuff." He came to a stop next to the couch where I was sitting and leaned on the back of it.

"Right, it's taken you 25 years to realise that." I retorted, which only made him roll his eyes at me. We often bantered with each other, being the best of friends, even though I've been in love with him for most of the seven years I've known him.

Y'see, I met Ray when he wanted a helper to look after the Man Cave when he was out and about as Captain Man, Swellview's beloved resident superhero. Gooch stays upstairs in Junk-N-Stuff, and I monitor the supercomputer for any emergency calls. I keep Ray in check when he lets his childish nature get the better of him. After being hired when I was 20, we worked to keep the safe city safe, and before I knew it, those beefy arms and that floppy brown hair had me head over heels. Not that I'd ever tell him. 

In the last few years, I've been determined to maintain a professional streak in our friendship. That and his constant interest in all the pretty girls Swellview has to offer; I've been firmly in the friend zone since I moved in. Now I'm at the ripe old age of 27, and it seems that Ray is insistent that he introduces a new face to the Man Cave. 

"Look, smarty pants, I put an ad online, and now I'm waiting for Gooch to send down an applicant." He had circled the couch and was sitting next to me while I was scrolling through a playlist of our favourite rock music.

"This ad you posted online. Can anyone apply for it?" I paused for a second after I processed what he said.

"Well, yeah, I guess. Anyone who saw it." I looked up at him with a slight scowl on my face. 

"Wait, so we could have any weirdo come down the elevator into your super-secret hideout, and you're going to give them a job? And, you're going to trust them with your identity?" He had that stupid, but the loveable expression on his face told me he knew I'd caught him out.

"Yeah, but I can always use the memory wiper." He smirked back, making me scoff and remove myself from his side. I climbed over the back of the couch and walked to the automatic snack machine for some popcorn. 

"Don't come crying to me when shit goes wrong, Raymond." I tried to tease him, but he had already put my headphones on his head and made the couch spin around the room. He was oblivious to the rest of the world, now jamming to some rock.

I was just about to order my popcorn when the elevator dropped, and a dazed, skinny, blond kid stumbled out. He looked around the Man Cave in amazement, quickly becoming confused when he saw Ray in his little music world.

'Huh, this could be interesting.' I thought to myself.

~3rd Person PoV~

The couch came to a stop, and Ray noticed that he now had a teen boy in his Man Cave. (y/n) looked on from the computer area, and the boy didn't seem to notice her, as Ray's exuberant personality quickly caught his attention.

"Hey! How are ya?! Cool. Thanks. Great to meet ya!" He exclaimed quickly, not giving Henry any chance to greet him back. He yanked off the headphones and chucked them to the couch, which caused (y/n)'s eyebrows to fly to her hairline, mainly because they weren't his to throw and also because he hadn't let the poor kid get a word in.

"I'm doing good. What's your name?" He said quickly, walking over to the boy and finally giving him a chance to speak.

"Um, I'm Henry Hart. I'm here about the job." To say how overwhelming the situation was, Henry did a good job of keeping his voice steady.

"Age?" Ray started his quizzing.

"13. I'll be 14 on my next birthday." Henry explained to the large man in front of him. 

"Ahhhh. So, you're ageing sequentially. I like that." Ray placed a hand on his chin as if he was thinking.

"Thanks." Henry looked a little nervous as Ray offered him his hand and enthusiastically introduced himself. 

"My name's Ray." 

"Hi, Ray." They shook hands, grinning at each other. 

"You ask a lot of questions." A baffled sense came over Henry as he took in Ray's statement. 

"I don't think I've asked any questions." Henry stuttered out, which made the woman observing the pair wander over. 

"Ray, you're confusing him. Hiya, I'm (y/n)." She came over to Henry, offering her hand and a calming smile, which he returned as he shook her hand. 

"Chocolate or vanilla?!" Ray suddenly asked, causing (y/n) to throw her head back with a sigh. He couldn't be serious about stuff like this, and asked the most ridiculous stuff, but secretly, she loved that about him. It was cute, not that she'd ever admit it. 

"Here we go." She braced herself for the weird questions Ray was asking poor Henry.

"Vanilla." 

'Not a bad answer.' (y/n) thought to herself. 

"Helicopters or kangaroos?" Ray pointed his finger at the teenage boy. 

'Oh god.' (y/n) continued to stay silent.

"Helicopters," Henry answered with a slight tinge of reluctance, but Ray still accepted his answer.

"Love it. Scrambled eggs or dynamite?" He walked behind Henry, who was struggling to answer.

"Okay, Ray, what have you been sniffing and should I get my first aid kit?" (y/n) joked. Any average person would think Ray was insane, but (y/n) knew that that was just Ray's way.

"Both." Henry's answer distracted Ray from his best friend's comment. His eyes lit up as he contemplated the idea, making the young lady smile at him with fondness.

"Maybe. Complete this sentence, "I'm sorry, mother, I didn't mean for my elephant to blank." Ray quickly came up with a random sentence for Henry, curious to see what he would say. 

"Uh, lick dad." Henry smiled as he thought of his parents in the ridiculous situation. He laughed along with Ray and (y/n) as they were all amused by the funny scenario.

Ray suddenly clapped his hands, and they all stopped laughing. 

"Well, that's not funny." He said with a frown on his face. 

"No." Henry's face had dropped too.

"Not at all." (y/n) muttered as she looked at Ray as he popped a 'special' gumball into his mouth and walked to the supercomputer. 

"Um, is this the job interview?" Henry asked, completely lost with what was happening.

"Just wait and see, kid." (y/n) smirked at him and went to where Ray was now sitting, but her answer didn't help him.

"Do you want it to be the job interview?" Ray asked.

"Um, what is the job?" Henry was desperate to know. Suddenly, Ray leaned closer to him with a very excited face.

"What do you think the job is?" He asked back.

"Hey, genius, stop answering questions with questions." (y/n) had a bored expression on her face, but Ray knew she was entertained by what was happening.

"Shut up!" He held a finger up in her face, which she slapped away, giving Henry a chance to answer. 

"Um, well, the ad said part-time helper, so I'm thinking maybe you need someone to help you, you know, part-time." Ray was squatting up and down as Henry moved his hands as he described his job interpretation.

"Do you ever dream about sleeping?" Ray asked in a severe voice, pointing the finger (y/n) slapped at Henry. 

"No."

"Good. If you did, you'd be dead." (y/n) said, giggling, which made Ray smile at her. Deep down, she had the same silly sense of humour that he did. 

Ray walked to the middle of the room, (y/n) understanding what he was about to do. Henry, however, did not.

"I'm so confused." Henry spoke truthfully, but then again, who wouldn't? The Man Cave always had that effect on people when they first came down, and when coupled with Ray's eccentricity, it made for a dazing experience. 

"David?" Ray started. 

"His name's Henry." (y/n) reminded him. 

"Can I trust you?" The large man looked intensely at Henry, who looked to (y/n) for reassurance. She gave a slight nod and a smile.

"Sure." 

"Can you keep a secret?" Ray continued.

"Totally," Henry said confidently.

"So I can trust you to keep a secret?" Ray moved back and forth as he enunciated each word, which made (y/n) look at him with impatience. 

"Yes, sir," Henry said curtly. Accepting his answer, Ray took a few steps back from the boy and woman, who were both waiting for his next move. (y/n) placed a hand on Henry's shoulder, not wanting the teen to faint or overreact from Ray's theatrics. Henry looked confused but didn't say anything as he watched the older man.

"I'm gonna blow a bubble," Ray explained to him.

"You're going to blow a bubble?" Henry questioned exasperatedly, clearly not understanding the situation. 

"And I'm going to blow your mind," Ray said excitedly, which fuelled (y/n)'s smile. 

He began to blow his bubble, (y/n)'s heart thumping for what came next. The bubble popped, and in a flash of light, Ray changed his civilian clothes to his super-suit, finally showing Henry that he was Captain Man. (y/n) eyes raked over him, admiring how his costume fit him, but before he could notice her staring she looked back at Henry, who was about to lose his mind in excitement.

"You're Captain Man!" He shouted, his hands on his head in disbelief.

"That's right, Henry." Ray replied in his 'Captain Man' voice, enjoying the attention. 

"Oh, hold on a second." His voice was a little embarrassed as he noticed his zipper was halfway down. His gloved fingers fumbled, trying to get the darn thing to do up properly.

"Stupid zipper. Always sticks. Com-- Ow! That's my skin!" He jumped up and down in an attempt to let the momentum fix the zipper, but it seemed to be well and truly stuck. 

"Come here, Captain Doofus, let me do it." (y/n) sighed and walked over to the man.

His hands, previously tugging on his costume, came up to rest just a couple of inches from her face. Her tongue poked out as she worked on wriggling the stubborn zipper up the jacket. From that angle, he could analyse her delicate features as Henry watched and saw the chemistry between the two. 

With a little more muscle and some help from an old bottle of oil, (y/n) was finally able to get the zipper to slide smoothly up Ray's chest. With one last pat to his pectoral, (y/n) stepped back in success.

"Who's a genius? All you need is a little lubrication." She bantered at him, putting the oil bottle on the couch table.

"Say until you believe it, small fry." he shot back. 

"Muscle beanstalk." She stuck her tongue out, which made Ray return the gesture.

"I-- I can't believe I'm standing here talking to Captain Man!" Henry still couldn't believe what his eyes were seeing. This was a dream come true.

"Why, are you a fan? Do you like me? Most people like me but not everyone." Ray smirked at the thought of all the people who adored Captain Man.

"Yeah, I'm a huge fan." (y/n) was used to the praise heaped onto Ray, and over the years, she'd tried to keep him even a bit humble.

"Watch out, kid. You'll stroke his HUGE ego." She giggled at him and his enthusiasm.

"Oh man, I've gotta tell Jasper about this. He's going to freak when I tell him I'm standing next to Captain--" Henry reached for his phone in his pocket, but before he could start typing, Ray took his laser remote from his utility belt and zapped the PearPhone from his clutches. The burn from the laser on his fingertips caused him to drop the fried phone to the floor.

"I could've just taken his phone from him, but your way works too." (y/n) looked at the superhero, shocked that he'd just destroyed a teenager's most prized possession. 

"Sorry, but you can't tell your friends about this," Ray stated sheepishly, telling Henry his most important rule. 

"Yeah, sorry, kid, but he's right. You can't tell anyone about what you've just seen." (y/n) agreed, thinking that Ray's secret identity was the most essential thing in his life. The phone on the floor was short-circuiting on the floor as Henry went to grab it.

"Okay, but did you have to melt my phone?" He asked in irritation. 

"I'll get you a new one," Ray promised, which prompted (y/n) to reply with joy in her voice.

"Oh yeah, big spender, it's not like we need the money for other things. Stop destroying little kids' phones." She commented, leaning against the couch. 

"Hey, I'm not a little kid. But really?" His attention switched between the two. 

"No," Ray said shortly before walking across the room and sitting on the back of the couch across from where (y/n) was leaning. 

"So, Henry, tell me why you want a job." Now that was an interview question (y/n) that could get behind.

"Well, y'know, to learn responsibility and challenge myself," Henry explained, relating what he had said to his friends earlier, but (y/n) saw straight through the teenage boy, knowing exactly what all kids his age were after. 

"So, you want money?" She proposed, smirking as she guessed correctly. Every kid was the same; always trying to get enough to buy what every other kid on the playground had, and this guy was no different. 

"Lots of money." Henry quickly agreed with her because it was the truth. He did want money, and he was 13, and he wanted to buy what 13-year-olds buy!

In the middle of their conversation, the elevator dinged, and the doors opened to reveal an 'old woman' who staggered out into the man cave. Henry looked between the weird lady, the superhero and the young woman, wondering what on Earth could be happening now. 

Ray and (y/n) knew what to expect. They had arranged the exercise that morning, but regardless, (y/n) was nervous as to how Henry would cope with what was going to happen next. 

"Is this the ladies' room?" The 'woman' asked in a stereotypical British old lady voice. Henry was beyond confused now, but Ray maintained his calm demeanour.

"No, ma'am, you're not supposed to be down here." He said to the intruder, who started to look around. 

"What an interesting place." 'She' complimented.

"Thank you, but we're conducting a job interview, and you're very old, so can you please just get back in the elevator?" (y/n) pointed back to where the 'old lady' first emerged, and directed 'her' to leave, as according to the plan. 

"Oh, I'll just take me phone out of me purse and call me nephew." 'She' chuckled, rummaging through her bag.

"Great, I'll just turn around and look at something." 'Wow, smooth Ray, way to keep things subtle in front of Henry.' (y/n) mentally rolled her eyes as she lowered her gaze to the floor. 

As the 'British' woman searched through 'her' purse, the tattoo on 'her' neck was exposed, making Henry realise that something wasn't right. He remembered when he had first entered the store above the hideout and recalled the same tattoo on the scary man from before. Watching the man/woman scowl, he shouted at Ray and ran to the intruder to try and stop them.

"Captain Man!!" Ray turned around for the man/woman to blast him in the chest. He clutched at where he was hit and cried out in fake pain before falling onto the couch. (y/n) ran to him, pretending to tend to the wound. 

"Captain Man! You gotta stay with me!" She acted, trying to sound worried. Henry had begun to wrestle with the 'old lady' to get the blaster out of their hands. The 'old lady' hit him with 'her' purse, causing Henry to fall back from the impact. Taking advantage of Henry being on the ground, the 'woman' strode towards the pair on the couch, pointing the weapon at them simultaneously putting their fake boob back into place.

"Goodbye forever, Captain Man." They said in a more manly voice, as (y/n) tried to shield Ray from the laser, even though she knew he would be okay if he were hit.

Having recovered quickly, Henry saw the peril his possible bosses were in, and in the act of bravery and desperation to save them, he jumped on the attacker's back, causing the blast to miss Captain Man. They started to struggle across the room, but Henry clung to him.

"Get off of me!" The man swatted at him and spun around, trying to get the boy off.

"Quit talking like a British Lady." Henry quipped back, fighting the man with all his strength. 

"Stop pulling me wig over me eyes." The man complained in a fake British accent. Henry jumped off his back and opened the elevator door whilst they couldn't see. Ray was still 'injured' and (y/n) was still trying to help him as Henry slammed his body into the guy, causing him to tumble into the open elevator. Thinking on his feet, Henry pressed the button, sealing him in, allowing him to look over and see the supposedly hurt superhero and his helper.

"Captain Man!" He panicked, seeing his hero sprawled out. He sprinted over to where (y/n) was 'checking' his pulse and other vital signs, which worried Henry more.

"Is he okay?!" He was panting, but (y/n) stayed calm, feeling his steady pulse under her fingers, and she knew he was alright.

"Captain Man is always okay!" Ray suddenly sat up with a cheery voice and clapped Henry on the back, making (y/n) remove her fingers and sit back on the couch. The game was up.

The elevator opened, revealing the man removing his wig, but Henry was letting the sensation of relief wash over him.

"Nice work, Boris." Ray smiled at the man in makeup, establishing a friendly tone between them, which puzzled Henry.

"The boy did good job." Boris congratulated Henry.

"Woah, woah, wait, wait. You know the--" He started.

"That's Boris. He works for Ray." (y/n) explained to the younger boy, smiling because Boris was right. Henry had done an outstanding job.

"What?" Boris walked over to the three.

"How'd you know he wasn't really an old lady?" Ray looked down at Henry, wanting to know how he'd spotted Boris' real identity.

"Uh, 'cause of the tattoo on his neck. I saw it on him up in the store. And his boobs are too wobbly." (y/n) nodded along with Boris, liking how observant the kid was.

"True. Get those under control." Ray joked, looking at Boris with disgust. Giving him a mini salute, Boris took off into the back of the Man Cave.

"You've got a sharp eye, good instincts and --" Ray started.

"And a nice shirt, and you're brave." (y/n) interrupted with a grin on her face, watching Ray analyse Henry. 

"Thanks," Henry said appreciatively.

"Do you know how to make sandwiches?" Ray said, back to asking his weird questions.

"I do!" Henry realised, looking up at the superhero.

"Then you have all the qualities I'm looking for." He smiled down at him, making (y/n) smile too.

"But I--I don't..." Henry started, still confused, but he was beaten to it.

"You're the one, Henry." Serious moments like this allowed (y/n) to admire the older man in his real light. Yes, he was immature, but he was also a calm and brave man who took his job protecting people very seriously. 

"The one to make you a sandwich?" Henry still didn't get it.

"No, no, no, I have (y/n) to do that." Ray retorted, but (y/n) punched him on the shoulder with some offence.

"Last sandwich I'll ever make you if you keep ordering me about!" She punched him again so he'd get the message.

"Everyone gets old someday, even Captain Man. I can't do this forever." Ray wandered over to the supercomputer with Henry and (y/n) in tow. 

"Yeah, life gets real hard when you're pushing forty." The young woman decided to bite back at Ray. 

"Hey! I'm still young!!" He shouted without turning around at her, which meant he didn't see her smirking.

"Doing what?" Henry brought them back to the original conversation.

"Protecting SwellView from bad guys, bad things, bad smells." Henry looked confused at the last bad thing.

"Smells?" He queried.

"You want to be horrified?" Ray turned back quickly and dramatically. 

"No!" Henry rapidly said, not wanting to see anything too graphic.

"Watch this." Ray turned back to the computer, where his (your/colour/hair)ed friend pressed various buttons and controls to bring up a video.

The three watched as a small, but grown man in a baby's prison outfit grunted and danced weirdly in front of the camera.

"Who's the freak in the diaper?" Henry asked, clearly repulsed at what he was seeing.

"The Toddler, and don't let the diaper fool you, kid, he's pure evil." (y/n) said as the video got a close-up of the creepy criminal.

"Wow." Henry watched as the man-baby growled on the floor like an insane child. 

"I'll show you, now watch this secret video that was intercepted by my people who intercept secret videos," Ray exclaimed, making (y/n) question his logic, but she pulled the video up nonetheless with a few clicks of the control panel.

"You were supposed to bring me my applesauce two minutes ago." The Toddler said onscreen. His henchman tried to apologise, but the Toddler wouldn't accept it.

"Sorry, don't make baby happy." He growled, blowing a long raspberry in the henchman's face, but he was interrupted by another man in an adult onesie. 

"Toddler, good news. The radioactive Zenite is here." He said, and this seemed to put The Toddler in a happier mood.

"Really? Whoo-hoo!! That means we can begin phase 2 of my plan." The man-child said excitedly 

"Will someone wipe my face?" The tied-up man asked timidly.

"NO!" shouted The Toddler, making Henry grimace, but Ray and (y/n) kept their grave faces. The Toddler complained about how hard it was to blow raspberries in his minion's face, so he ordered the big one to make a device that could do it fot him. The sight of him getting saliva all over their faces made Ray groan in disgust, which prompted (y/n) to shut off the video before he was sick quickly.

"You see that?" he asked Henry.

"He's a maniac!" Henry agreed with the two.

"And there's more maniacs like him, all dangerous to the good citizens of Swellview," Ray explained as he walked back to the centre of the room, causing Henry to turn around and (y/n) to swivel on the chair she was in.

"Well, yeah, but we've got you to stop them," Henry stated, knowing how devoted Captain Man was to Swellview.

"True. But I'm not as young as I used to be." Ray sighed, feeling depressed over his age.

"I'm almost thirty-four!" He looked down in pity, but (y/n) snorted in laughter at how ridiculous he sounded.

"Hey, don't laugh! You're six years younger than me!" He said, pointing at her, but she continued to laugh. 

"I need help, and someday someone's gonna have to take over for me." Ray looked at Henry expectantly. 

"Like?" The kid still didn't get it, which made (y/n) spell it out for him, not wanting it to drag out any longer. 

"Like you, Henry." She said, walking over to them and gently placing a hand on his shoulder.

"What do you say, Henry?" Ray put his hand over hers.

"Do you wanna be my sidekick?" Henry scoffed in disbelief, his biggest dream about to come true, but first, he had to get his priorities straight. 

"How much does it pay?" He added in. 

"$9 an hour." Ray offered, which delighted the young boy. 

"Whoa!!" Ray shared his excitement. 

"I know, right?" 

"Not even I get that!" (y/n) told the young boy,

"That's 'cause you get to live here." Ray pointed out, and (y/n) nodded with a roll of her eyes.

~Junk-N-Stuff~

Back up in the store, Charlotte and Jasper had come to see if Henry had been successful with his job interview. They opened the door and were struck with the same sense of wonder that had filled Henry when he first got to look around the shop.

"Whoa!" The curly-haired boy gasped at the cool gadgets/junk on the shelves.

"Check this place out." Charlotte shared his amazement.

"Hey, look at this thing." The excited chatter from the two teens made Gooch press a button on the side of his desk, switching the computer down in the Man Cave to the security cameras placed throughout the store. 

~The Man Cave~ 

"Wow, a bucket of swords!" (y/n) saw two kids walking around the store.

"What are they doing here?" Henry said, not wanting his friends to ruin his chances of working with Captain Man. 

"Friends of yours?" Ray asked with his arms folded.

"Uh-huh." They all continued to watch the screen, seeing how Jasper was entranced by one of the items on sale.

"Jasper, please don't embarrass me." Charlotte pleaded with him, giving (y/n) the idea that this kid was strange. 

"Excuse me, sir." 

"He's gonna do it." this made (y/n) bite her cheek to stop smiling at the girl's reaction.

"Yes?" Gooch elongated in his Indian dialect.

"How much?" Why was this kid so interested in a rusty, old barrel of swords?

"Each sword is $100." Gooch named the price.

"No, no, no, how much for the bucket?" 'Okay, this kid is really weird.'

"The bucket?" Gooch didn't understand either, it seemed.

"That's not a bucket. That's a barrel." Charlotte tried to tell him, but Jasper didn't care.

"It's close enough to a bucket. I collect buckets." He said with a proud smile on his face. 'Who the hell collects buckets?' (y/n) thought in her inner monologue; she didn't understand modern kids' obsessions.

"Don't say it." Poor Charlotte always got embarrassed by Jasper and his antics with buckets.

"I'm a bucketeer." And he said it.

"Well, they seem like nice kids. The boy's a bit weird but nice." (y/n) mentioned, leaning her arm on Ray's shoulder and looking over at Henry.

"Yeah, their names are Jasper and Charlotte. I've known them ever since--" He told them, still watching what they were doing upstairs.

"Get rid of them." Ray interrupted him, as he didn't want any more kids discovering the Man Cave or causing problems. 

"I'll get rid of them." Henry quickly said and ran towards the elevator as (y/n) grabbed some popcorn from the auto-snack machine.

"You really have a way with children." (y/n) noted sarcastically, not loving how Ray spoke to Henry, but their attention was soon back on the screen and the bucket kid. Ray sat in the chair with his feet on the control panel, and (y/n) put her arms around his neck from behind, letting him reach the popcorn if he wanted it.

"Wow, what a bucket." 

"Huh, kid sure loves that bucket," Ray said, looking up at her.

"Can't we just give it to him? Might make him leave faster." (y/n) pondered with a piece of popcorn in her mouth, not seeing how Ray gazed up at her. 

"What? No! No free gifts to weird bucket kids." 

They saw Henry run in from the back room, and he went over to where Charlotte and Jasper stood next to the sword barrel/bucket.

"Hey!" He greeted them.

"Hey Henry, did you get the job?" Charlotte asked him hopefully.

"Yeah." Ray grabbed the popcorn bucket from (y/n's) hands and started munching away.

"Cool." Charlotte congratulated him.

"Does that mean I can get a discount on this bucket?" Jasper asked him, really wanting the barrel/bucket, which irritated Ray a bit.

"I still say we just give him the bucket." (y/n) said, which caused the man sitting in front of her to throw a piece of popcorn up at her face.

"Dude, it's my first day here. You-- you guys gotta--" Henry tried to make them realise that they needed to leave, but when it came to buckets, Jasper Dunlop did not give up easily.

"Excuse me, mysterious foreign man, do Henry's friends get a discount here?" Jasper asked a perplexed Gooch, who only shook his head, along with his flytrap.

"That plant just shook its head!" Charlotte noticed in disbelief.

"Wow!" Jasper ran over to where the plant was kept, wanting to see if it would move again.

"Will you get him outta here?!" Henry shook her by her shoulders, trying to get the message across.

"How much for the plant?" Jasper asked Gooch.

"Like Gooch would give Omar to some kid." (y/n) giggled, taking more popcorn.

The flytrap squirmed and squealed at the thought of being bought, but Gooch quickly calmed it down.

"The plant is not for sale." He said seriously as Henry tried in vain to get them to leave.

"Come on. I'll give you seven bucks for it and one Canadian loonie." Jasper emptied his pockets and put all his money in front of the cashier. Not liking that the kid still wanted to buy him, the plant opened its mouth and squirted Jasper in the face.

"Ahhhh, it spat in my eye!" Ray laughed along with (y/n) at the sight of Jasper with his face screwed up. It was pretty hilarious.

"Hey, that's my popcorn, don't eat all of it." She said, trying to take the box back, but Ray was too enthralled with the kids onscreen.

"I told you Canadian money upsets people." Charlotte chastised as Jasper panicked from the spit in his eyes.

"You guys, you've got to go now." Henry started pulling his friends towards the front door, not wanting them to upset anyone else in the store. 

"Wait, what about my bucket? I want the pretty bucket!" Jasper wouldn't let it go. Charlotte, too, was protesting why they had to leave so abruptly, but Henry still shoved them out of the door.

"Will you shut up about that bucket?" (y/n) heard Charlotte faintly shout from the street as Ray sipped on his drink that he reached for from the auto-snacker. 

"Come on, get up, Henry will be back down here any minute, and he needs a costume if he's gonna be your sidekick." (y/n) patted Ray's shoulder and walked over to the couch.

"Yeah, yeah, but first, I want a banana," Ray said to her.

"All you ever do is eat." She joked.

"Just wait for the kid." He told her. The elevator dinged, and Henry came back into the Man Cave. Ray grabbed his banana and sat down next to (y/n), who started to tell Henry about what they were going to do.

"In that room, you'lll find loads of costumes about your size. Try them on, and we'll see what's best." She smiled, and Henry nodded in understanding. 

~

"I gotta wear this?" Henry asked in horror, as he was wearing an American flag-inspired costume that was frankly hideous. 

Ray sat munching his banana, looking at the teen in deep thought as he took in the outfit.

"All good sidekicks wear costumes." He told him.

"Yeah, but not like that. Take it off, Henry." (y/n) hated how bold it was.

"Yeah, I agree. This is bad." Henry nodded with her, looking at himself in the mirror.

"I have more options." The superhero said with a mouth full of banana. 

~

This time, Henry was wearing a bright purple glitter jacket with matching pants and silver sparkly boots. It wasn't any better than the last outfit. He gave a twirl so the two adults could get a 360º look at the awful costume.

"The whole point of being a superhero is subtly. Why do you even have that?" (y/n) indignantly asked Ray, who was now eating another piece of fruit.

"Yeah, too sparkly."

~

The following costume wasn't any better, either. It was mainly red, with a hooded cape and a tight, shiny bodysuit. Nope.

"No capes!" (y/n) exclaimed. She hated them, knowing how they could be pulled and trapped during battle.

"Eh, it's a little Broadway." Ray wasn't keen on it either, this time eating some watermelon. 

~

Okay, this one made (y/n) laugh loudly at how silly Henry looked. It was bright gold and too tight as Henry shuffled towards them, and at least he could make the criminals laugh at it. 

"Too tight," Ray said, sitting on the couch with a half-eaten pineapple. 

"Uh, way too tight." Henry squeaked out.

"Oh man, I ate a lot of fruit." Ray moaned in pain from his full stomach, but (y/n) had little sympathy for him.

"I told you not to eat all of it, but did you listen? Noooo." She said to herself, which made Ray place a hand on her head to steady himself. 

~ 

This one was perfect. It matched Ray's suit, with silver, red and blue making up the jacket. Everything suited him like it was tailor-made. The two adults observing him smiled and nodded at the new costume.

"Hey! I like it." Ray said with glee as he stood up, his fruit-induced stomachache now subsided.

"I like it." Henry agreed. 

"But it takes a lot of time to put on." He mentioned.

"Which is why you'll be needing this special bubble gum." (y/n) said, holding out a tube and passing it to Henry, who didn't understand its significance.

"Special?" He said, feeling confused again.

"Read the instructions." She pointed out.

"Chew gum, blow bubble, fight crime." He read aloud, looking up at Ray.

"Now, you'll be needing one of these too," Ray said, kneeling in front of him and placing a bracelet on Henry's wrist. (y/n) took Ray's laser remote and lowered the lights in the Man Cave because Ray wanted the next bit of the conversation to be dramatic.

"What's this for?" The boy questioned.

"It means we're engaged." He joked, making (y/n) giggle at him.

"What?" Henry's eyes grew wider.

"He's kidding. It's how we'll contact you." (y/n) reassured him before he could panic.

"Why can't you just call me?" Henry asked.

"I melted your phone." Ray reminded him in a monotone voice.

"Right." Henry nodded along with him. 

"Now, listen closely. That wristband flashes." Ray started to explain. 

"It flashes." The teen understood.

"A triple flashing light means emergency, like "major sitch going down, so get here fast." (y/n) finished for him.

"Right." 

"A double flashing light means it's important." Ray continued.

"And what does a single flashing light mean?" Henry looked up expectantly.

"Just to, you know, shoot us a text whenever." (y/n) piped up in a casual voice.

"Got it." 

"Now, raise your right hand, spread your fingers. Turn your head and cough." Ray said, doing the same.

"Oh god, here comes the oath." (y/n) mumbled under her breath. Henry mimicked Ray's actions.

"What?"

"Haha, joke." (y/n) rolled her eyes again at Ray's childishness. 

"Place your left hand over your right lung, and repeat after me." He said as Henry slapped a hand over his chest. 

"I, Henry Hart--" Captain Man started.

"I, Henry Hart--" The teen repeated.

"Pledge to be an awesome sidekick to Captain Man--" Again, (y/n) rolled her eyes. Most oaths didn't go like this. 

"Pledge to be an awesome sidekick to Captain Man--" 

"And to never ever, ever tell anyone that I am Captain Man's secret sidekick." Ray focused his eyes on Henry.

"And to never, ever tell anyone that I am Captain Man's secret sidekick." Henry smiled back.

"You left out that last ever." (y/n) butted in with her humour.

"Ever." Henry finished.

"It is done." Ray ended the oath, lowering his hand.

"Feels good," Henry said, smiling at the two. However, before they could celebrate more, the alarm went off, telling Ray and (y/n) that there was an emergency. The lights went back on, and they ran over to the supercomputer.

"What's up, Gooch?" (y/n) said, sitting down and opening the camera between the Man Cave and Junk-N-Stuff. 

"Someone sabotaged the bridge over the Jandy River." He explained, looking worried.

"The bridge is down?" Ray asked in concern.

"Affirmative," Gooch confirmed.

"That means yes," Ray whispered to Henry.

"I think he knew that doofus." (y/n) whispered back.

"Situation?" Ray concentrated on the situation at hand.

"Cars in the water. Lives in danger." Gooch relayed the message.

"Understood," Ray said.

"Okay, from here to the Jandy River, tell them Captain Man's ETA is about 15 minutes, Gooch." (y/n) told the man before closing the link.

"Phase two of The Toddler's plan." The superhero said with his fists clenched in anger.

"Let's ride." He said to Henry, running over to grab a weapon from the bench.

"Wait, where?" Henry asked.

"We've got people in the Jandy River that need saving. Come on." Ray exclaimed in a hurry, running over to where the tubes came down. 

"You mean we're going there together, like right now?" Henry wasn't up to speed with what was going on.

"Yeah, get under your tube," Ray said to him, wanting to get out as soon as possible.

"Good luck!" (y/n) shouted over to them with a grin from her place at the computer. Ray returned her smile briefly before looking back to Henry.

"Ready?" He asked him.

"For what?" The 13-year-old asked, not knowing what was coming next.

"Up the tube!" Ray shouted after hitting his belt. The suction started, and he shot up the tube and out of the Man Cave.

"I don't know how to--" Henry panicked. He started jumping up and down, hoping his tube would do the same.

"Just tap your belt buckle." (y/n) explained. Henry did as she said, causing his tube to come down.

"Up the tuuuuuuube.." Henry shouted as he, too, was drawn upwards.

~(y/n)'s PoV~ 

I sat down in the Man Cave, just lying on the couch like I usually did when Ray went out. I was scrolling through my phone when the news flashed on the computer. Noticing it was about the Jandy River incident, I swiftly gave it my full attention. 

'--Take you live to the Jandy Bridge, which mysteriously collapsed over an hour ago." The female news anchor reported.

"Mysteriously, my ass." I snickered to myself. Like Ray, I had no love for The Toddler or any criminal. 

"We understand there are several people in cars in the water. People are injured." The on-scene reporter said.

'Come on, get to the Captain Man bit.'  I thought to myself, as I already knew all the details about the bridge collapsing.

I got up to grab some ice cream whilst they talked about the rescue operation. However, I soon ran back to my seat on the couch, nearly spilling the frozen dessert, when they finally mentioned Ray.

"Luckily, Captain Man arrived on the scene, leapt into the water, and saved the endangered citizens from drowning." I couldn't help but smile to myself at how selfless Ray was.

"And Ron, is it true that for the first time, Captain Man wasn't working alone?" The woman asked the reporter.

"Damn straight, lady! Go, Henry!" I shouted with a mouthful of ice cream, happy that Henry was being recognised for his actions.

"That's correct. It appears Captain Man has teamed up with a new sidekick, who apparently goes by the name Kid Danger." 'Huh, glad we discussed that one, Ray.' I monologued, but in truth, I wasn't angry or anything. 'Kid Danger' was a pretty sick name for a sidekick. 

"Well, once again, Swellview owes a big thanks to Captain Man and, apparently, Kid Danger." The news anchor smiled as the report ended, so I turned off the screen. As soon as I did, a tube came down with a filthy Ray, which made my eyes widen in shock and laughter.

"Sweet cheese, what happened to you?" I said, running to grab a towel from the back of the Man Cave. 

"Justice. That's what happened." He said from behind me in his Captain Man voice. I returned with a towel that Ray took from my hands and immediately wiped his face, letting out a sigh.

"Still no sign of the Toddler, then?" I asked sympathetically. He let out a long groan. 

"Dang it, no! That piece of filth got away as soon as the bridge collapsed." He said, tiredly going over to the computer chair.

"Don't sit down! You're covered in river gunge and debris and stuff." He looked at me with puppy eyes, which melted my heart, but I wasn't about to spend an hour getting the dirt and smell off the chair.

"Look at me like that all you want, but you need a shower 'cause you stink." I push him towards the sprocket, where our rooms and bathrooms were. 

"Leave your suit in the laundry basket, and I'll wash it!" I shouted to him, which he acknowledged with a wave of his hand behind his back. 

"Thank you!" I chuckled after him. For all his craziness, I wouldn't give up working with him for the world.

[odditycircus-2002]

This is the same anon who sent you the reaction requests to several music videos as well as the Outworlders stumbling upon an Adult store and I had another reaction request for you. Could you please do a reaction of Medusa Reader and Syzoth accidentally stumbling upon an adult website like Pornhub and watching several videos with the volume set on high so when Johnny and several of the Outworlders as well as a few Earthrealm fighters drop in on them everyone's just having a massive freakout trying to understand what's going on. You wrote how both of them like to watch random videos online whenever they're with Johnny and they just happened to see a link to a video so they check it out not thinking much and after watching several videos they badger Johnny with questions as well and they even get inspired by some videos to try out on their partners later on and both Ashrah and Baraka quietly thank Johnny without telling him why they're thanking him.

A/N: 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 You always come up with the FUNNIEST scenarios!!! Hope you don’t mind headcanons and your request slightly altered in minor ways😂

To set the scene, you and Syzoth were in your dressing room in between shoots for Johnny’s latest movie project. One that’s somewhat more physically demanding than either you or your Zaterran friend anticipated. Primarily because of how Johnny keeps demanding dozens of multiple takes for a lot of fighting scenes until he deems it just right. Honestly, it can be tedious.

So now that you and Syzoth had some downtime, you decided to pull out one of the magical devices (this one an iPad), Johnny Cage, which was confiscated initially from you. Immediately you start looking up the sequel to the Predator movie Cage showed you and Syzoth.

"Why would you look up more of that Predator film?"

"Because I found it rather fun to watch despite how frightening it was. You don't have to watch if you don't want to."

Syzoth eventually joins you in watching since, at first, it seemed more like one of Johnny's movies. However, you and Syzoth didn't know how many sketchy ads pop up when using one of these pirating sites. One of these ads includes a woman with her butt front and center looking over her shoulder. You and Syzoth weren't surprised by this as much as you were irritated since it blocked you from seeing the movie. Of course, you go to push the x button to delete the advertisement; however, it was tiny, and so the ad took you both away from your movie to an adult film site.

You're immediately greeted by a plethora of naked women being pleasured by muscular men in every way imaginable. Syzoth shouts at you for clicking the site as he attempts to exit, but the device doesn't quite pick up his heat signature needed to interact with it. So Syzoth just ended up selecting a video about a student wanting their swimming instructor's big dick.

You don't know why you and Syzoth sat through the 40-minute video, nor why you both continued to watch the next one and then the next one, then another. You hypothesized it was because you and Syzoth wanted to absorb how to please your partners, or it was akin to a train wreck. This is true for everyone else, although to varying degrees. See, you and Syzoth were watching the video at full volume, so anyone who passes by your dressing room would be able to hear every moan, whimper, and cry of ecstasy.

When Mileena and Tanya passed by while the video was playing, Mileena immediately stopped dead in her tracks as her entire face turned red when hearing a woman's voice begging for more. Tanya didn't have any of it and immediately turned her Empress around in the opposite direction before walking away.

Kitana lingers for a bit at the sounds, but walks away mortified when hearing you and Syzoth with said noises and thinking that you must be cheating your partners.

Li Mei shouts over the noise that Cage wants you and Syzoth on set soon and to cut that racket out. Also, it is a reminder that public indecency is a crime. You open the door to apologize to Li Mei and promise to turn it down. Li Mei doesn't assume the worst with you, seeing as you and Syzoth have no wrinkle of fabric out of place, and the room smells the same as the other dressing rooms. Syzoth does turn invisible out of embarrassment, though.

However, unlike Li Mei, Johnny Cage does assume the worst especially when you both speak

"I'm not sure we should be doing this, Y/N. I mean, what if we get caught?"

"The door is locked, which should give us some privacy."

Johnny being a bro to Baraka and Ashrah, immediately breaks down the door after hearing all of that.

"WHAT IN THE FUCK YOU TWO!? I-"

Johnny's accusations die in his throat when he gets a good look at the porn video playing on the IPad he lent you, with every noise of flesh slapping flesh echoing in the now silent room. You're the first to break the silence.

"So Cage, I have a few questions about-"

"NOPE!"

Johnny then turns around and walks the fuck away from the room. But then turns around to swipe the iPad from you again. He states that the next time you have it back, there's gonna be full parental controls on it. Then, the action star runs out when Syzoth tries to inquire about the videos he saw.

A few months after you and Syzoth stumble upon those porn videos, Johnny Cage is once more in Outworld for some research for his next project and to shoot some of the locations. When he ran into Ashrah, she seemed to be on cloud nine, more or less. Cage thought it was because the former demon was closer to absolution. The action star, now director, finds himself dumbfounded when Ashrah shakes his hand with a grateful smile on her face, stating that Cage has her deepest gratitude. Johnny is left even MORE befuddled when he later runs into Baraka, who just gives him a curt nod with a slow blink of his eyes.

What Johnny didn't know was that you and Syzoth took what you learned from those porn videos and applied them to your respective partners. You don't know about Syzoth, but you can confidently say you have no regrets about stumbling upon those sites if it meant bringing Baraka to Nirvana in ways you could never have initially thought of.

[hitsdotcom]

Since its inception by Coz Baldwin in 2006, Hidden In The Sand has had no sponsorships, no advertisements, and no monetisation. We are fortunate enough that server hosting is being taken care of, but apart from that: Hidden In The Sand does not make money.

All money raised from We Like To Play It All (https://weliketoplayitall.bandcamp.com/) is donated to the Village Players of Hatboro, and that will not change. And we see none of the money that goes into boosting the Discord server. (Monetisation is not available in my country)

All of the HITS staff dedicate their time and efforts into doing what we do for free, and we want to keep it free for you. I do not want to fill the Hidden In The Sand website, wiki, and YouTube channel with annoying corporate advertisements, so with this in mind I am asking for donations.

HITS has donation links dotted around the various sites, but we have not seen any donations since 2022 at latest.

I want to emphasise that all donations will go towards not only keeping HITS free from annoying adverts, but will allow us to dedicate more time into making it better! I have many exciting plans for Hidden In The Sand this year, and your donations will help make those a reality. Projects such as:

Remastering of archive footage

Deep dives into HITS / Tally Hall History

Commissioning original artwork for HITS blog posts

Sourcing and archiving lost merchandise

A fan-sourced animated music video

Another cover album project

Any donation is appreciated. & you can donate here Thank you. - Webmaster, Hidden In The Sand

[evan-is-screaming]

NEW STICKERS ALREADY!!!!

'TUMBLRSCREAMING' Will get you 25% off your order excluding shipping!

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[mostlysignssomeportents]

This day in history

Support me this summer on the Clarion Write-A-Thon and help raise money for the Clarion Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers' Workshop!

#15yrsago Teach kids to be safe on the net by getting them to think critically about censorware https://web.archive.org/web/20090728034546/http://www.internetevolution.com/document.asp?doc_id=179505&

#10yrsago The apology letter Google SHOULD have used to announce the end of G+ “Real Names” https://web.archive.org/web/20140716222946/https://infotrope.net/2014/07/16/meanwhile-in-an-alternate-universe/

#10yrsago White House caught secretly tracking Web visitors with sneaky spyware https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2014/07/white-house-website-includes-unique-non-cookie-tracker-despite-privacy-policy

#10yrsago Fewer than 10% of UK families opt into “parental” filters https://web.archive.org/web/20140724004309/www.pcpro.co.uk/news/broadband/389926/those-parental-control-filters-as-few-as-4-are-signing-up

#10yrsago Profile of a NYC pickpocket https://www.nytimes.com/2014/07/20/nyregion/the-pickpockets-tale.html

#10yrsago EFF unveils secure, sharing-friendly, privacy-minded router OS https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2014/07/building-open-wireless-router

#5yrsago J Michael Straczynski’s “Becoming Superman”: a memoir of horrific abuse, war crimes, perseverance, trauma, triumph and doing what’s right https://memex.craphound.com/2019/07/23/j-michael-straczynskis-becoming-superman-a-memoir-of-horrific-abuse-war-crimes-perseverance-trauma-triumph-and-doing-whats-right/

#5yrsago Clever hack that will end badly: playing copyrighted music during Nazis rallies so they can’t be posted to Youtube https://memex.craphound.com/2019/07/23/clever-hack-that-will-end-badly-playing-copyrighted-music-during-nazis-rallies-so-they-cant-be-posted-to-youtube/

#5yrsago Steve Bannon used nonconsensually harvested location data to advertise to people who’d been to a Catholic church https://www.techdirt.com/2019/07/23/steve-bannon-latest-to-abuse-consumer-location-data/

#5yrsago Women are much more likely to be injured in car crashes, probably because crash-test dummies are mostly male-shaped https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2019-07-18/why-women-are-likelier-to-be-hurt-in-a-car-crash

#5yrsago A deep dive into Elizabeth Warren’s plan to tame private equity https://www.nakedcapitalism.com/2019/07/elizabeth-warren-seeks-to-cut-private-equity-down-to-size.html

#5yrsago Facebook’s alleged growth is largely coming from countries where Facebook says it has a fake account problem https://www.nakedcapitalism.com/2019/07/facebook-mark-zuckerbergs-fake-accounts-ponzi-scheme.html

#5yrsago From #TelegramGate to #RickyLeaks: Puerto Rico is on fire https://web.archive.org/web/20190719213344/https://www.thenation.com/article/puerto-rico-protests-scandal-rossello/

#1yrago When the Town Square Shatters https://pluralistic.net/2023/07/23/when-the-town-square-shatters/

[obscure-earthbound-facts-media]

Yum!! & Easy to Hold!!

EarthBound 64 promotional art from Dengeki Nintendo 64 magazine advertising Fish Bars in Great Scale Village.

Scanned by @ KodyNOKOLO of MOTHER Forever.

[agentfascinateur]

Palestinians used as Guinea pigs by Israeli weapons makers:

The Israeli army released footage on October 22 of its Maglan commando unit deploying a new precision-guided 120mm mortar bomb called the Iron Sting, against Hamas in Gaza. The bomb’s Haifa-based manufacturer, Elbit Systems, has been advertising its qualities on the public relations page of its website since March 2021, when it was integrated into the Israeli military.

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A subcommittee of the House Committee on Education and the Workforce heard emotional testimony last week from University of Californian college professors (and two others) about how Jew-hatred has affected their careers since the Hamas terrorist attacks in southern Israel on Oct. 7.

The Committee heard from four witnesses: Mark Rienzi is the President and CEO of the Becket Fund for Religious Liberty in Washington, D.C. Brian Keating is the Chancellor’s Distinguished Professor of Physics at the University at UC San Diego. Melissa Emrey-Arras is the Director of the GAO’s Education, Workforce and Income Security Team in Washington, D.C. Professor Dafna Golden is a Geography professor at Mt. San Antonino College in Walnut, California.

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Dafna Golden, testified that it would be unbearable to continue to do her job due to the antisemitism that she has experienced.

“Like so many of my Jewish colleagues at colleges across the country, the general antisemitic, hostile environment turned to focus on me directly because I am a Jew,” Golden told the subcommittee. “Because I won’t hide or reject my connection as a Jew to the Jewish state and the Jewish people.”

Due to the “toxic atmosphere and severe impact on my mental health and my professional standing, and the refusal of my employer to protect me in my workplace, I have decided to transition out of academia as soon as possible,” the professor testified.

The hearing is the latest round of the committee’s investigation into Jew-hatred on college campuses and in K-12 education since Oct. 7.

Students and faculty have launched a flurry of formal discrimination complaints and lawsuits alleging that school administrations fostered a hostile environment against Jews, amid the proliferation of anti-Israel and antisemitic protests on campuses.

Brian Keating, who is also Jewish, described what that environment was like for younger professors and students on his campus.

“Faculty members call their colleagues ‘colonizers,’” Keating testified. “During a tour of a lab and workspace environment where Israelis and Jews are working and pursuing their studies, they are confronted by calls for elimination of the one Jewish homeland.”

One of the most shocking parts of the hearing was when Keating reported that John Hildebrand, an oceanographer at UC San Diego who serves as that university’s chair for the University of California Academic Senate, who met with Students for Justice in Palestine, but refused on five separate occasions to meet with any Jewish students, citing various excuses, like lack of time, even as some of these students were feeling physically threatened. He also refused to meet with any Jewish professors outside of very limited circumstances.

Keating also described the role that the United Auto Workers labor union has played in organizing strikes and anti-Israel protests.

Despite its name, the union now represents more than 100,000 academic workers across the country, including 48,000 faculty and student employees in UAW local 4811 representing the University of California system.

“They are effectively forced to be members of the United Auto Workers union as part of their contract and their collective bargaining agreement,” Keating said, of his graduate student teaching assistants.

“They organize rolling strikes, they call them ‘day of action’ or ‘complicity tours,’ where they would organize shutdowns of campus or attempt to shut down campus,” he said.

UAW 4811’s website is almost entirely devoted to anti-Israel protest-related grievances.

“UAW members have chosen to participate in the nonviolent Palestine Solidarity Encampments to call attention to UC’s financial ties to Israel’s war effort and urge UC to divest from companies and industries currently profiting off of the suffering in Gaza,” the site said.

An Orange County superior court judge ruled in early June that UAW 4811’s strike violated its collective bargaining agreement with the University of California and issued a restraining order against it.

Additionally, Keating related testimony compiled from Jewish UCSD students. One graduate said, “I don’t know how much longer I can do this. I can’t work at UCSD, I can barely live here – and I have learned, brutally and painfully, where my life ranks for the people I’m surrounded by every day.”

Another, a professor of anthropology, said: “In October, anthropology professors canceled classes in solidarity with Hamas and used departmental listservs to urge others to follow suit. A Jewish professor was publicly called a hypocrite for not attending a meeting on Passover. The Director of Undergraduate Studies presented a letter demanding faculty take a public stand against the Chancellor and Israel, which she had coerced students into signing. Professors have also pushed for BDS, the Chancellor’s resignation, and actions against Israel while suppressing opposing viewpoints. They aim to sever research and teaching partnerships with Israeli scholars despite these scholars protesting against their government.”

Keating reported that despite multiple official complaints to the Office of Prevention of Harassment and Discrimination and appeals to the DEI Officer, no actions have been taken. The university has also ignored requests for an advisory committee on antisemitism and testimony given to lawyers investigating an open Title VI case.

In her written testimony, Golden noted that the campus (her workplace) became increasingly hostile after she confronted a colleague about showing an antisemitic video – “The Occupation of the American Mind,” narrated by the notorious antisemite Roger Waters – in his classroom just weeks after Oct. 7. The film’s central thesis is that “leaders of major Jewish organizations” have conspired to use their power to control and thus “occupy” the minds of innocent Americans so that they would support Israel. Golden wrote, “The movie is basically a screen version of The Protocols of the Elders of Zion and serves no academic function.”

After her complaint, the movie was not screened campus-wide, but the professor continued to show this film in his classes on U.S. History, Mexican American History and Native American History.

In retaliation, the professor began a campaign of harassment against Golden, calling her a “violent Zionist” and a “former soldier in the IDF” (she was never in the IDF) in an email sent to his entire class. He told students “to stand up” to her. A Jewish student in one of the professor’s classes documented these actions, including a disturbing incident where the professor mimicked a Nazi salute in class.

Then “individuals associated with a notorious antisemitic organization on campus, Shut It Down 4 Palestine, vandalized the bulletin board outside my office by removing my Israeli flag and pro-Israel articles, and replacing them with anti-Israel propaganda, including a flyer with demands to ‘Renounce the Pro-Zionist,’ ‘Remove the Pro-Zionist library display,’ and ‘Declare support for Palestine,’” Golden wrote.

Additionally, Golden testified that she had installed “a perfectly normal, non-ideological, academic display at the school library on Israel’s changing borders from prior to the establishment of the state until the present time” which featured books such as Coexistence & Reconciliation in Israel and both the Israeli and Palestinian flags. But due to student complaints and “division in the community,” the library removed the display.

Golden’s RateMyProfessors.com profile was also bombarded with fake negative reviews. “Students making public comments at the open meeting of the Mt. SAC Board of Trustees demanded that I be fired and declared a boycott of my classes.”

Golden’s spring semester on-campus class was canceled due to low enrollment, limiting her teaching to online only. “My lack of on-campus presence has deteriorated crucial collaborative relationships, essential for the multi-disciplinary program I manage. My colleagues’ reactions during virtual meetings and their reluctance to engage with me professionally underscore the prevalent hostility. My attempts to engage with key faculty and administration, including the head of the Ethnic Studies department, the President of the Faculty Academic Senate and the President of Mt. SAC, have been ignored, leaving the pervasive anti-Semitism on campus unaddressed.”

A few days before the hearing, three Jewish students at the University of California, Los Angeles – two law students and an undergraduate – asked a federal court on Monday to force UCLA to protect their safety when they return to the public school’s campus on Aug. 15.

“UCLA allowed a group of extremist students and outside agitators to set up an encampment where they stopped Jewish students from accessing classes, the library and other critical parts of campus,” stated the Becket Fund, which is representing the students.

The public school “allowed and reinforced these zones, breaking the law and hurting its Jewish students,” Becket added, noting the students are “asking a federal court to prevent UCLA from ever allowing such exclusion of Jewish students again.”

“No student should have to fear for their safety or pass a religious test to walk freely at a public university,” said Mark Rienzi, president of Becket, who is representing the students along with the firm Clement & Murphy.

“UCLA’s behavior on this issue has been shameful, and the students need a court order to allow them to return to campus safely this fall,” Rienzi said.

The law students are Yitzchok Frankel – a father of four, who “faced antisemitic harassment simply for wearing a kippah and was forced to abandon his regular routes through campus because of the Jew Exclusion Zone” – and Eden Shemuelian, who had to walk around the encampment and hear its antisemitic chants, “severely” compromising her studies for final exams, per Becket.

An undergraduate history major, Joshua Ghayoum “was repeatedly blocked from accessing the library and other public spaces.” He also heard chants of “death to Jews” from the encampment, Becket said.

“It’s appalling that an elite American university would actively support and encourage masked mobs of antisemites,” Rienzi stated. “UCLA’s Jewish community needs to know that they’ll be safe on campus before the start of the fall semester.”