#less ableist

[heartless-aro]

One of my least favorite responses to discussions about arophobia in fiction is “That character isn’t aromantic though! They’re just a psychopath/sociopath/narcissist/[insert relevant stigmatized disorder here]”. Being aromantic and having a personality disorder — including ASPD or NPD — are not mutually exclusive. The trope of “This person doesn’t feel love, therefore they are evil” doesn’t stop being arophobic the moment it’s directed towards a character with a personality disorder (yes, even if they have one of the “scary” personality disorders). Ableism and arophobia often intersect in this way, and that doesn’t make the arophobia any less arophobic

[unforth]

There's another post getting popular on this hellsite that boils down to, "in my anecdotal experience every child is perfectly reasonable as long as you just treat them as a tiny adult" and I'm ready to scream.

Actually mental illnesses are still mental illnesses! No matter how you treat the mentally ill person sometimes they will still show symptoms of being mentally ill because they are mentally ill! Yes even children!

I swear the minute it's about parents or children all the ~uwu take care of yourself~ acceptance crowd on Tumblr instantly reverts back to ableism and cultural Christianity - because obviously children are perfect and pure beings who are only misbehaving because the adults around them, especially their parents, aren't ~doing it right~ aren't ~trying hard enough~ actually mental illness just comes from parent fuck-ups ~obviously~. So any parent that isn't perfect 24/7 is bad and any kid is perfect until an adult messes them up. And yall haven't even unpacked your attitudes enough to realize that's the logical conclusion of these "well I work with kids and I just listen to them and everything goes perfect" posts and never fuckin reblog my angry posts where I try to point it out and I am absolutely fucking exhausted yall are exhausting. Sometimes, for parents with mental illnesses, the mental illness mental illnesses! Sometimes, for kids with mental illnesses, the mental illness mental illnesses! If your premise is "the only problem with kids is how the adults around them treat them" you are completely disconnected from reality.

It's ableist.

It's ableist.

I.t. i.s. a.b.l.e.i.s.t.

I am *begging* yall to think for five minutes before you make yet another "well I saw a kid in the grocery store crying and I asked them what was wrong and they were fine after we talked so clearly this is the secret to parenting" post viral on the 2% of people have children website. Just accept you don't know jackshit about parenting, shut the fuck up, and stop spreading ableist garbage!

[cha1cedony]

Being both aroace and a huge nerd, it irks me a little that 99% of the asexual and/or aroace headcanons I see (and not aroallo headcanons interestingly, which could be its own post but I digress) are about characters who spend all their time working/studying/etc…. scientists, academics, introverts, shut-ins, even. I assume the common reasoning is that these characters only care about their work and don’t have time for things like relationships and sex. But like. You know that’s not what asexuality is… right 😀

Obviously it’s fine to headcanon these types of characters as ace, but I just always wonder about allo fans’ reasoning for it and what it implies about their opinions of asexual people. When the ONLY characters you can think of as ace are just nerdy, quiet/socially awkward characters with no other canon implications that they’d be ace, to me it just sounds like you think people are asexual because they can’t attract sexual partners? Or because they don’t have time for relationships??

Anyway it just annoys me a little that this is the VAST majority of the ace representation I see, both in canon and fandom. I’m an aroace academic, but I’m not aroace because I don’t have time for people or because I’m shy or awkward or lonely or whatever. I’m aroace because I’m aroace lol

Tl;dr, asexual/aroace people aren’t all innocent nerdy introverts (and aroallos aren’t all extroverts with a long history of one night stands, btw). Let ace characters be loud and stupid. Or try headcanoning a loud and stupid character as ace (you can do it, I promise)

[simxndy]

One of my project groups from college was going downhill with infighting and stuff, we couldn't work properly and I felt like nobody was listening to me (i get shy in groups of people who aren't my friends). Then, in a completely unrelated and unexpected event, I started dating the professor's son. Now, miraculously, everyone wants to know about MY ideas, in particular, and the project is finally going somewhere. Everyone stopped fighting at least in front of me.

I need someone to study this kind of social situation because I think this is hilarious.

[sonknuxadow]

it's really weird to me the way people have been talking about maria lately.... like i know maria wasnt the most developed character in her earlier appearances and she also didnt get to have a normal childhood experience but seeing people say she has no personality and has no joy or whimsy or never got to be a kid at all makes me wonder if im the only person whos actually been paying attention to maria this whole time...???? like do people think she was a sad miserable kid who never got to have fun because of her disability or something ? because that is quite literally the opposite of who she was

and people are being weirdly ableist about it too like talking like her illness is the reason for all those traits she supposedly lacks. implying disabled people cant be happy or have fun or whatever. like come on man

[five-thousand-loaves-of-bread]

please bring more neurodiversity over xhs thank u

n also autism acceptance developmental disability acceptance n solidarity between mental illness & I/DD

[dollypopup]

The way some of y'all talk about Luke Newton is just. . .I need this fandom to check itself with a swiftness, because the very thinly veiled ableism is ENOUGH. Like it is WILD to see, in the year of our lord 2024, people either actively infantalizing or talking down this grown man.

Calling Luke Newton stupid for behaviors that are just him displaying his Neurodivergence? Ableism. Saying it because it takes him longer to answer a question is ableism. Saying it because he said something 'incorrectly' or not as eloquently on the fly as his neurotypical costars? Ableism.

Saying he's boring because he's quiet or he doesn't talk as much (because he often needs more processing time and/or has anxiety to surmount) is ableism. Knitpicking his social media and how he doesn't interact as much with a fandom that has actively been cruel to him is ableism.

Assuming Luke is out here like some helpless little lamb clinging to Nicola because 'oh, she's his comfort person!' instead of recognizing that they both lean on and like each other? Is ableism. Saying he has a one sided infatuation with her BECAUSE he needs her as said comfort person is ableism. Essentially being all 'awwww, poor wee baby, he has anxiety so thankfully his neurotypical costar is there to pick up the slack!' is. ableism. You cannot in one breath say that Nicola's love language is touch but also that Luke is the only one ever reaching to hold her hand because he needs her to ground him. That's ableism.

They both like each other. They have a very close relationship and they both clearly admire the other and like to be around one another. To frame it as him being some inept toddler and her as his more capable caretaker and 'thank God he has her to give him the save' is ableism! That's ableism, babes!! And in many cases people don't recognize that's what they're taking part in, but that's what it is.

He is a grown man and a hell of an actor. Yes, he's quieter than some of his costars. Yes, he contemplates what he says in his mind before he says it, and it takes him some time to do so. Yes, he doesn't behave the way his neurotypical peers do. He doesn't have to. He won't- because he has a neurodivergent brain. And he shouldn't have to behave as a neurotypical person or an 'acceptable' neurodivergent person to have respect from people who claim to be his fans.

He's been outspoken and unapologetic about being a neurodivergent actor with ADHD and dyslexia and how that can contribute to difficulties in the current media machine. He has discussed his coping mechanisms. He has specifically done so because he knows how difficult it can be to be a neurodivergent person in the limelight, and he uses that spotlight to show other neurodivergent actors they can be successful, too. And people saw this openly neurodivergent man and said some mad out of pocket nonsense about him.

As the tour comes to a close, I just really need people to look back on their beliefs and viewpoints during it and do some reflection, because I am side-eying a LOT of takes that have gone largely uncontested.

[starkid-smosh]

Ok if the TGWDLM revival goes well, then that means maybe we could get a Black Friday revival as well! Who should play Ethan you ask? Damien Haas! Why? Because I love his and Angela's dynamic, guy who looks kinda edgy but is actually sweet is literally Damien, he'd give the role more depth than R*bert did, DAMANGELA DUET, and also I lowkey feel like his voice would fit CaliforM.I.A better than R*bert's ever did anyway 🫣 like Damien's voice is made for that kinda rock song that is CaliforM.I.A

This also just feels like the natural progression of Ethan. Hear me out! Like we got normal one dimensional Ethan

Italian Ethan with an earring (who is also a more well rounded character) (Joey!Ethan my beloved!!)

It makes sense that the next step in this Pokemon evolution of Ethan is buff Italian Ethan with earrings and tattoos

This will never happen anyway, but let a girl dream 😭

[feminist-space]

There is nothing wrong with a person who wears adult diapers. Those are an aid, a tool, to help that person be more mobile and preserve their dignity.

If someone has tremors in their hands and needs help picking up everyday objects, that doesn't take away from who they are as a person. There's no dishonor in muscular tremors.

If someone can't see or hear, or can only see or hear with aid of a tool, a piece of technology, that's fine! Here's a really simple one: so many of us wear glasses because our eyes can't do the thing on their own.

Having disabilities doesn't take away from who a person is. Mocking someone for needing aid to do things, however, is morally repugnant. And using ableism to put down or mock someone who themselves is morally reprehensible is still never ok.

It is important for all of us to re-examine how we, too, perform ableist acts in our daily lives. Here are some simple ones:

Stop using ableist words (check out this page: https://www.autistichoya.com/p/ableist-words-and-terms-to-avoid.html).

Stop calling disabled people "inspirational" and using them as a way to say "if they can do it then so can you" (see: paralympic commentaries from the same people who still support organizations like Autism Speaks -- https://www.themarysue.com/the-autism-speaks-controversy-explained/).

Stop mocking people for not being able to move the way you think they should move.

Stop calling bigots "crazy" (their bigotry isn't a mental illness).

Stop saying that "only disabled and immuno-compromised people are at risk from COVID-19" when what is unsaid after that is "so that's why I don't need to care about it or take any precautions."

Stop calling someone "blind" or "deaf" when they're being ignorant.

Stop making fun of someone for taking an elevator or using a motorized scooter at the store.

Eliminate the stigma of disabled people asking for accessibility by making things accessible in the first place.

When you're in a position to design things, physical or otherwise (buildings, software, apps), think about accessibility.

Actively learn from disability activists, what things are actually helpful and actually accessible. Incorporate those things into your design.

Hire and elevate to positions of leadership people with disabilities (and if your gut response is "but we hire by merit," I challenge you: are you telling me you don't think disabled folks can perform the duties of leaders in your organization? What are you saying, exactly?).

Change your organization to be supportive to disabled employees, and get rid of policies that marginalize them.

There's a whole LOT of ableism weaved in to literally everything. Even if we don't get it all in one go (and we won't), it's important to put in the work to do better.

--

Before someone comments with these:

"what's wrong with people?"

Ableism is EVERYWHERE, it is in EVERYTHING in this world and we have to actively work against it. Don't assume you're exempt. None of us are.

"who says these things?" "who does these things?"

A lot of people. A lot of people you might love. A lot of people that might include us (likely, actually). These mostly aren't monsters in alleyways saying and doing ableist things.

It's the nurse getting annoyed at the person using a wheelchair for having their wheelchair there. It's the dude at the gym who tells his friend that if those paralympians can do it, they definitely can do it. It's the person who keeps telling their friend with long covid to just do more yoga. It's the liberal angry at Trump who mocks him by saying he wears adult diapers. It's the person who builds a business branded and marketed on being kumbaya "we're so progressive" but they made their doors so heavy that they're hard for anyone to open and definitely impossible to open for a wheelchair user. It's the boomer telling a young person using a disabled parking spot that young people can't be disabled. It is literally everywhere. It's that guy telling disabled people they shouldn't be out past sunset ("we're disabled, Daniel, we're not werewolves."--Jen L Rossman).

--

Reading list, obviously not exhaustive:

https://thebodyisnotanapology.com/magazine/14-black-disabled-women-reminding-us-of-our-power/

https://thedailytexan.com/2018/03/23/stop-using-ableist-language-and-call-out-others-who-use-it

https://www.autistichoya.com/p/ableist-words-and-terms-to-avoid.html

https://www.tolerance.org/magazine/no-joking-matter-words-and-disability

https://diaryofadisabledperson.blog/

https://www.thegauntlet.news/p/disabled-peoples-exclusion-from-indoor

https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/being-grabbed-pushed-touched-without-27376323

https://www.sociability.app/blog/the-medical-vs-social-model-of-disability

[marzipanandminutiae]

and I feel Missing Reasons in this Queer Housing FB Group tonight

(AKA Marzi's worst housemate to date is going through some shit that she absolutely wishes they were not...but they also keep painting everyone else as the cause of their housing situations falling through, and based on her experience that is. probably not the case)

(considering that they way they characterized a situation where they demanded to keep a white noise machine running 24/7 in a common area, after not communicating this need in any initial conversations or Zoom calls, and were politely asked to please not or to compromise, as "being made to feel unsafe")

(and their response to not getting their way was to wordlessly scream, stomp through the house, slam doors, and throw objects around their room, to the point where other housemates with abuse trauma were afraid to leave their rooms)

(I kiiiiiind of think it might not actually be the other people's fault)

(but I can't warn anybody else about what living with this person entails without seeming like an ass on the post of someone who is currently homeless. I don't want them to be homeless! Nobody should be! it's just that they should absolutely not live with housemates, but cannot afford to live alone)

(so I just. watch other people kindly offer them places to be, and it fall apart, and them blame it all on those people, and everyone in the FB group believe it because they don't tell the whole story. rinse and repeat)

[elfcollector]

solas stans are so crazy to me. the man shows up in ur life, uses you as a tool in his plot to execute a plan that — by his own admission! — will result in the vast majority of living beings and entire RACES of people dead, MAYBE comes to respect you but not enough to back out of or reconsider the genocide plans, perhaps DATES YOU under these false pretenses, then abandons you entirely

he thinks people like dwarves and qunari and hell anyone who isnt an elf mage are not people. he calls all qunari savages not based on their religion or culture but their phrenology. he rejects the entire idea of growth or change

like i LIKE solas hes a really cool character i cant wait to see what happens with him i think solavellan shippers are awesome etc etc. but TO PRETEND HE IS SOME NOBLE HERO WHO'S NEVER DONE ANYTHING WRONG and no one is allowed to dislike him or talk about him as an antagonist is DERANGED. YOU ARE DERANGED !!!

[writing2changetheworld]

Hello!

I'm pretty new to disability activism, specifically in the physical sense (much more familiar with activism surrounding neurodivergence), and am looking at ways of improving the restaurant I work at!

When you go out to eat, what do you look for in a restaurant? What do you consider accessible? With your recent post, what would you consider Less Than/Bare Minimum/Going Beyond?

First of all, welcome! The disability/disabled community is happy to have you!

I personally can't stand carpet. It can be SO DIFFICULT to roll on. Then if I can't get across the room without asking people to move their stuff and/or chairs, it's a problem. If I have to sit at the end of the table because my wheelchair would hit a table leg and absolutely not scoot in all the way, I'm annoyed. If the table is too tall ans goes to like right under my chin (like I can rest my chin on it without trouble) or it's so tall I literally can't reach the top, it's annoying and sometimes physically painful.

Less Than: there are no accessible parking spots or the one there is is on a hill and/or slanted, I can't even get into the building or the front entrance isn't accessible and the accessible entrance is in the back and i NEED able-bodied or nondisabled people to help me get in, tables too tall I can't reach the top, if the restroom is inaccessible (if I can't get into it or can't transfer from my chair to the toilet) - wheelchair users clearly weren't considered at all in the set up

Bare Minimum: there are 2 accessible parking spots on flat ground, there might be a bump at the front and I might need a little help from an able-bodied or nondisabled person but I can get in, there's carpet everywhere but it's not impossible for me to roll on, the table is mid-chest to me, I have to sit at the end of a table, I have to ask a few people to move so I can get through, I can fit and transfer in the restroom and wash my hands but the sink goes to my chest or chin - wheelchair users were considered for some things

Going beyond: there are at least 3-5 accessible parking spots not all next to each other and all on flat ground, the front entrance is flat and wide enough so I can get in easily without help, no carpet or short carpet so it's easier to roll on, I can sit anywhere at the table, the space between tables is wide enough I don't have to ask anyone to move, I can fit and transfer in the restroom and the sink is at my stomach to my breasts and I can easily just slide under it - this entire place feels like it was designed by a wheelchair user

Also, don't feel awful if your restaurant hasn't been fully wheelchair user accessible before now. I've yet to see a place with everything in "Going Beyond".

It's also IMPERATIVE to remember not every wheelchair user travels with an able-bodied and/or nondisabled person. A lot of places are wheelchair accessible*

*if you have an able-bodied or nondisabled person with you.

Wheelchair users deserve to be just as independent as able-bodied and nondisabled people.

Thank you for asking!! Let me know if I didn't fully answer your questions and/or you have any more!

[charafansmile]

Still thinking about the berdly asgore paralles... hmm.

[gloom-and-doom-in-my-room]

Fun fact!

Disabled people are people too. This means people with speech impediments, intellectual disabilities, learning disabilities, people who can't walk, who can't work, who have chronic illness, who are missing limbs, who have facial deformities, autistics, adhd people, people with intrusive thoughts, schizophrenic people, psychotic people, people with personality disorders, people with sex disorders, EVERY DISABLED PERSON.

It means people who look "scary" and behave in strange ways. It means cringe people and people who frustrate you. It means people who might not be able to contribute as a worker. A person's humanity is not devalued for any reason- hell, even if a disabled person does something bad, they're still a human being and we do not dehumanize them (and by extension, other people with that disability).

You can't say you accept disabled and neurodivergent people and exclude some of us for being scary or- gasp!- having symptoms. Furthermore, acting like things people may have thought and haven't even done- harm they may have ideated or that intruded into their mind, but that they never inflicted- is a reflection of their moral character is kind of stupid.

If you were abused by a disabled person, I'm sorry, that's awful and I truly do feel for you, but surely you can see how their actions are not the fault of every human with the same disability on the planet and it's illogical to say it reflects on them, right? That it's pretty illogical to say that they all are inherently horrible human beings?

I hate going into comment sections and seeing those "fun" new words they've started using for various disabilities. Calling someone acoustic is ableist. Calling someone restarted is ableist. Internet leftists, for the love of all that is holy, stop calling MAGA heads "SPED", you can call them idiots without using a damn slur. I can't speak heavily on terms like "delulu" and "narc", but you are all being very fucked up.

We are living in a scary time. I fear for the lives of my friends, and for myself, and for everyone on here. It feels worse to not know if other people on the left will stand up for us, and I mean ALL of us, with the way y'all are acting.

[ghost-sin]

Unserious Conversation I had on twitter

(Movie was good btw)

[seaweedstarshine]

[just after having helped River make a getaway from a heist of an astatine lace shawl — the rarest substance in the universe — without her even needing to ask beyond a simple “hello sweetie” scrawl in the sky] [Eleventh Doctor] “I can see its worth — but Alice is right! What’s so special about a lace shawl?” [River] “Ah, well, lace, you see, is the traditional gift for a thirteenth wedding anniversary…” [Eleventh Doctor] “Wedding anniversary? Whose wedding anniversary?” [River] “Spoilers…!” *winks* [Thirteenth Doctor, reminiscing] “I love River.”

HAPPY THIRTEENTH WEDDING ANNIVERSARY TO THE DOCTOR AND RIVER SONG!

Sources: Diary of River Song: The Furies, Diary of River Song: The Lady in the Lake, The Day of the Moon, Doctor Who Magazine Special Edition #33, The Wedding of River Song, The Big Bang, The Angels Take Manhattan, The Many Lives of Doctor Who: Without a Paddle, The Time of the Doctor, Forest of the Dead, Let's Kill Hitler, Diary of River Song: The Wife of River Song, Eleventh Doctor Year Two: Physician Heal Thyself, A Good Man Goes to War, Eleventh Doctor Chronicles: Broken Hearts, The Husbands of River Song, Doctor Who Confidential: When Time Froze