#let the poor dog live!!!! her best!!! 'fuck you' lifestyle!!!!

[monty-glasses-roxy]

I feel like I don't talk much about how Roxy's still a asshole in my stuff. So. Um.

Yeah Roxy's still an asshole lmao

[miracleonice87]

38 with Mat

from the Winter/Christmas Writing Prompts list

38. “You’re under the mistletoe so stop stalling and just kiss.” 🎄

quick note: this one is prob a bit longer than the others will be. I just L O V E writing Sydney and Marty as secondary characters in Mat stories.

quick warnings: swearing, alcohol, super snowy powdery Christmas fluff

and, just for fun, song pairing: mistletoe by Justin Bieber (obviously)

_____

There really was no place like home.

After moving away to Los Angeles to attend USC for both undergrad and grad studies, you were finally back in New York. You hadn’t been able to resist the pull — it was almost as if, from all the way across the continent, you could feel the Atlantic tide receding and pulling you home along with it. For better or for worse, you belonged to the Empire State.

Sydney, your lifelong best friend and a New Yorker herself, was beyond ecstatic, as she had recently gotten engaged to her longtime boyfriend Matt, a hockey player, and named you her maid of honor. Planning a wedding — not to mention showers and bachelorette festivities — would be far easier, and far more fun, with you in the same zip code. Since moving back six weeks ago, you’d spent about ninety percent of your time with Sydney by your side, making up for lost time with the woman who had long been your other half.

So sweet, right? There was just one problem. Sydney wouldn’t stop trying to set you up with guys. She was insistent that you’d been single for too long — you’d broken up with your college sweetheart by the end of your senior year — and she made it her mission for you to find love again. And she, on her own, was bad enough — she’d already hooked you up with so many friends of friends that you’d lost count, and none had been interesting enough for a second date — but her fiancé conspiring right along with her made resisting them that much more difficult.

This particular night, she had lured you to the home she shared with Matt under the guise of having dinner with her family, when in reality, she was throwing a Christmas dinner party for Matt’s closest friends on the team. All of whom had — and brought — significant others. Except for one. What a coincidence.

Also coincidentally, his name was Mat, too, or so you were told — you didn’t quite believe Syd’s Matt when he told you that upon introducing the two of you.

“Mat with one ’t,’” he announced, one arm slung around Mat’s shoulders. The handsome, dark-haired man swallowed thickly and gave you his best polite smile — it was in that moment that you realized beyond a shadow of a doubt this was yet another set up.

Matt made a lame excuse about needing to check on Sydney in the kitchen and snuck away after some brief pleasantries, but not before blatantly nudging your much-smaller frame toward New Mat. You gave Matt a menacing glare before recovering, standing a safe distance away from New Mat, leaning against the wooden beam behind you to keep you steady.

“So, Mat with one ’t,’ how long have you played with the ever-obnoxious Matty?” you asked, trying to play it cool.

Mat laughed easily. Damn, he had a nice laugh — the kind that made his pretty eyes crinkle at the corners. Nice hair. Nice teeth — perfect fucking teeth. Wasn’t he supposed to be a hockey player? Wait, what was he saying? Something about Seattle, and the draft, and… now you were lost. You nodded slowly with a forced smile as you tried your hardest to focus on what he was saying. He was just so goddamn pretty.

Thankfully, Sydney’s call from the kitchen saved you from the embarrassment of not having heard a word this poor boy had spoken.

“Dinner’s ready! I’m really type A, as you all know, so I made little placecards for everyone at the table,” she announced to the group of ten, hands clasped before her as Matt snaked an arm around her from behind and smiled proudly.

“Guess that’s our cue,” Mat mused. “Shall we?”

You threw him a grin and nodded, turning your back to him and making your way to the dining room.

On your way, you paused in front of your dear friend just long enough to grumble, “Assigned seats? Really, Syd?”

She clapped enthusiastically and smacked your ass as you passed her. “Yep! See you in there, champ!” she exclaimed as you heard frantic whispers exchanged between Mat and Matt. You couldn’t hold back your snicker, and as you glanced over your shoulder, Mat gave you a strained smile. You shook your head bemusedly and turned to the table to find that, to no one’s surprise, you and Mat were indeed to be seated side by side at one end of the table. You cleared your throat and nodded toward the cards bearing your names.

“Subtle, no?” you joked, causing Mat to blush pink. He choked out, “Ah, yeah. You gotta love them.” Then, he pulled out your chair and motioned for you to take a seat, which, as luck would have it, Sydney and Matt caught just in time because they were bringing in the food on serving dishes at that very moment. Their eyes sparkled and Sydney looked like she may self-destruct out of sheer joy as you sat down and thanked Mat. You gave her an icy look and she visibly retreated, holding herself back from making a complete scene.

“Okay, dig in!” she said instead as she sat down across from you.

Dinner was incredible, as usual — while your talents lacked in the cooking area, Sydney had always been an outstanding chef. Even more, you enjoyed the conversation, which was mostly inclusive of everyone at the table, save for the occasional chirp Mat secretly muttered in your ear about Matt or Anders, making you cover your mouth with your hand to stifle a giggle as Sydney looked on smugly. Meanwhile, whenever you and Sydney would say the exact same thing at the same moment or finish the other’s sentence, Mat would look to Marty, who would only raise his eyebrows and nod, confirming Mat’s suspicion that these two were always this in sync. Mat found it endearing. He adored Syd — if he didn’t, he wouldn’t have agreed to come here tonight when she told him, “There’s someone I want you to meet…” — and already, he saw countless similarities in the two of you.

After he’d helped you clear the plates and load the dishwasher for your hosts, you and Mat settled onto a couch in the farthest corner of the living room, near the Christmas tree, while the others gathered in the center of the space, loudly entertaining themselves. As you curled your feet underneath yourself, you didn’t miss how Sydney reached for a nearby remote and slowly flickered on the fireplace right beside you and Mat. Yet again, you shot her a killer look that she pretended not to see as Mat smiled, amused at how flustered you were by Sydney trying to further set the mood.

“So how long have you known Syd?” he asked as he took another swig from his beer bottle, attempting to get you back on track. “Has to be a while. I swear I’ve never seen two friends who were more alike.”

You tucked some hair behind your ear and let out a breathy chuckle. With anyone else, you were ever prepared to skirt that question and quickly move on to another subject. But with Mat, it was nice knowing you really didn’t have to.

“Yeah, my whole life, actually,” you answered, a smile on your face at the thought. Your eyes flickered up to his as you added, “My dad played for the Jets... with Boomer while he was there.”

Mat’s brows quirked noticeably, but not in the familiar way that made you feel like he was about to ask you to FaceTime your dad or get an autograph from him. Because he was a professional athlete himself — which was ironic because you’d sworn up and down your whole life that, because of the lifestyle you saw your dad and his teammates, not to mention their families, lead, you’d never fall for anyone who played sports for a living. Even when Sydney insisted with a shrug after settling down with Matt, “It’s not that bad.”

“No way,” Mat said with a casual laugh. “That’s awesome. What position did he play?”

“Uh, receiver,” you replied. “So he and Boomer were tight. Our moms hit it off right off the bat and have been best friends since. Since then, we’ve always vacationed together, ended up living in the same neighborhood after they both retired. I’m three years younger than Syd and I was basically like her shadow. Still am, I guess,” you added with a smile.

Mat nodded, his eyes never leaving your face as you told the familiar tale. “I think that’s awesome though,” he spoke. “You guys could be sisters I feel like. You act just like her. Plus Marty says you’re the only friend of hers who’s kicked him out of bed so you could sleep with her.”

You threw a hand to your chest and your head back laughing at that, and Mat’s heart soared at being able to elicit such a reaction from you himself. You pointed a gold-polished index finger at him and admitted, “He tells no lies on that one.”

Just then, you caught Mat’s unabashed gaze, which had shifted from well-mannered and nonchalant into something deeper, something... affectionate. You swallowed, casting a downward glance at your lap, and swirled the ice cubes in your otherwise empty highball glass.

“I need a refill,” you said with a nervous giggle. “You want anything?”

Mat looked all too pleased with himself at your offer, and he nodded. “Sure, yeah, another beer would be great. Thank you,” he said. You smiled and nodded as you turned away and headed for the kitchen.

Ever the subtle one, once again, Sydney, who had been shamelessly watching the two of you from her perch in Matt’s lap across the room, stumbled over Jax’s paw as she bolted to the kitchen island where you now stood. You blinked at her wildly and said, “May I help you, Sydney Irene? You nearly wounded your poor dog.”

“So,” Sydney sang, ignoring your question completely as she leaned back against the kitchen counter, propping her palms on the edge and looking much more smooth than she had just a moment ago. She waggled her eyebrows at you before continuing. “Whadd’ya think? He’s cute, right?”

You scoffed. “Sydney—“ you began in a warning tone as you reached for the rum, but were interrupted before you could speak another word.

“If you hate him, it was Matt’s idea,” she deadpanned, then allowed a mischievous grin to stretch along her painted red lips as she cocked her head. “But if you like him, it was mine.”

You rolled your eyes as you poured yourself another rum ginger, ignoring the flush you could feel creeping up your chest and neck under Sydney’s scrutiny.

“You’re blushing! You do like him!” Syd squealed as she poked at your side, thankfully making an attempt to stay quiet as the guys, Mat included, carried on noisy shenanigans in the family room before you.

“Sydney, stop! I just met him,” you tried to argue, turning away from her. It was Sydney’s turn to roll her eyes.

“Like that matters. I fell for Matt like—“ she snapped her fingers for dramatic effect, “—that. And look at us now.”

You pursed your lips to the side. You couldn’t exactly argue that. With no quick comeback coming to mind, you stirred your drink, took three generous gulps — as Sydney watched, wide-eyed — and licked your lips before sighing at her.

“Well, fine,” you grumbled as you opened the fridge and grabbed a fresh beer for Mat. “Let’s not keep the boy waiting then.” You sashayed away from your friend who, spinning away from you, quickly squeezed her eyes shut and crossed her fingers before turning back and following behind you.

Mat thanked you profusely for the drink as you returned to him. Now he sat among his teammates, and Sydney sat back in Matt’s lap as you took the seat beside Mat on the opposite couch. You noticed how he immediately leaned back and comfortably stretched his arm across the cushion behind you, and you’d be lying to yourself if you said you didn’t inch a little closer then. It briefly occurred to you that you were drawn to him in the very same way you’d been drawn back home not long ago.

He felt like home. Already.

And soon, after a few hours more of merrymaking, Mat never leaving your side, the other couples had all headed for home. You four who remained had played several rounds of euchre and sang and danced to half a dozen Christmas carols before you realized how late it was. Knowing you’d had too much rum and wouldn’t be fit to drive, you’d already established that you’d stay in Sydney’s guest room — or maybe kick Matt out of the master. Regardless, you were staying put. But Mat, reluctantly, was leaving — the boys had practice in the morning.

“I guess I should go,” Mat sighed after a long round of goodbyes. Matt and Sydney gave him one last hug and retreated to the far side of the spacious room, aiming, of course, to leave the two of you to your own goodbye.

You nodded. “I guess you should,” you said, caught off guard by the twinge of sadness in your tone. “I’ll walk you out.” Mat smiled and turned toward the front door, and your heart truly may have skipped an actual beat when he glanced back at you and reached his hand out for you to grab. You did so, biting down on your smiling bottom lip as you followed him down the hall into the entryway, acutely aware that, if Sydney and Matt were indeed watching — of which you had no doubt — they could still clearly see you.

But when Mat pulled on his shoes and stood up straight again, stepping slowly, so slowly, closer to you, all you could think about was how hard your heart was thumping against your ribcage. You looked up at him in anticipation, and he smoothed his hands down the sleeves of your sweater softly.

“I had a really, really nice time tonight, you know,” Mat spoke. You had to remind yourself to breathe as the sincerity of his voice flooded your senses and his warm, honey-flecked eyes pierced through you. “Tonight was honestly the most fun I’ve had in a long time.”

You beamed — how could you not? “Yeah?” you asked incredulously. Mat nodded.

“Yeah. In fact,” he cleared his throat. “I was wondering if maybe, uh, you’d want to go to dinner with me sometime. Like maybe this Sunday night, after we play?”

You felt yourself grinning like an idiot, yet had no control.

“Yeah,” you finally answered. “Yes. Of course. I’d love that.”

Mat blew out a long breath and chuckled nervously. “Thank God,” he added as you both dissolved into a fit of giggles. You stepped closer to him and smelled his clean, woodsy cologne, inadvertently breathing it in. Mat came nearer, too, and tentatively reached his hands around to your lower back. “It’s a date then,” he spoke, his voice lower now, gravelly. You swallowed — hard — and gave a nod.

“It’s a date,” you echoed.

You simply stood in one another’s presence for a few long moments, smiling giddily at each other, before Mat sighed once more and glanced toward the door.

“I really don’t wanna go, but I—“

“No! Syd, just leave them be,” Matt suddenly whispered sharply to his fiancé — who seemed to have literally leapt up from the couch — though there was no point in whispering at all because you still heard him loud and clear. Jumping up behind Sydney, Matt easily wrapped her in his arms and clapped his hand over her mouth just as she started to speak.

After wrestling for control of Matt’s hand, she finally pulled it away just long enough to call out, “You’re under the mistletoe so stop stalling and just kiss already!”

With one final “shush!”, Matt covered her mouth once more, though his entire body was wracking with silent laughter.

“Goodnight, kids!” Matt said tersely as he all but manhandled Sydney down the opposite hallway into their bedroom, the two of them erupting with laughter the second they closed the door.

You rolled your jaw and looked above you and Mat to find that, yes, indeed, there hung a very Sydney-like crystal ornament adorned with glittery mistletoe, suspended from the archway.

“Un-fucking-believable,” you muttered, resting your head against Mat’s chest as you both laughed anxiously.

But a moment later, Mat’s voice rumbled in his chest. “Hey...” he spoke. You took that as your invitation to look up at him, and when you did, you found him gazing at you even more tenderly than he had before.

“I mean, since there’s mistletoe and all.. would it be okay if I kissed you?” he asked. His hand found your cheek and you grasped his fingers in your own.

“Well,” you began, leaning further into him. “Only since there’s mistletoe.”

Mat breathed a chuckle and whispered, “Okay, good,” before his lips found yours in a toe-curling, snow-melting, heart-growing, hell of a Christmas movie kiss that you both found yourselves smiling into by the end.

“Wow,” was somehow all you could whisper when you finally pulled away for air.

“Yeah,” Mat agreed simply. “Wow.”

“It worked!” You heard the muffled squeal from behind Sydney’s closed door.

You rolled your eyes once again, hating Sydney in that moment, as Mat snickered and leaned in for another kiss.

Little did you know that a few years later, your dear, meddling Sydney would stand up at your side in front of a ballroom filled with your and Mat’s family and dearest friends and proudly tell the story of that cold late-December night when your love story with Mat began.

[staytiny-present]

Ateez Coraline!au

DUDE I’M DONE WITH SCHOOL WHICH MEANS I CAN WRITE MORE YAYYYY!

anyway, this is meant to be a little headcanon thing for a series i’ve been planning that is, obviously, based on the movie coraline. it’ll be a reader insert for you to enjoy as well :) this is basically a “ateez as characters in coraline,” but my plan is to still make them unique to the story. i hope you like this!

warnings: this does not match at all swearing, angsty situations, borderline crack (you’ll see), i think i make one sex joke, allusions to depression - PLEASE take caution when you read yunho’s part. i don’t think i go into any specifics, but his gets serious that i just want you to be aware

Reader’s backstory: you’ve lived with your grandmother who owns the pink palace apartments since you were a teenager so you can help her out as she gets older. the pink palace isn’t the most well-known, but it’s gotten a pretty negative rap since the disappearance of your best friend in high school. it’s hard living there still, but you know your grandma needs the support. you know nearly all of the ins and outs of the place, and all of the tenants adore both you and your grandma

Wooyoung and Yeosang ~ Spink and Forcible

tell me i’m wrong

that’s right you can’t

they’ve been friends for years and bicker and tease each other like they’re married and still love and support each other? yeah

wooyoung and yeosang are childhood friends

they mostly did dance in high school but they were also in theater, and they were kinda well known for being The Best™

they were recruited to join a lot of teams and a lot of colleges wanted them because they were just??? amazing??? how tf??

so yeah they earned a lot of recognition in high school that honestly got them really famous from when they were 16 onward

it’s been a few years since then and so the hype around them has definitely died down but we’ll get to that

they are currently still working on stuff in regards to dancing and acting

they’re technically in college too, but they do online classes so they can stay at home and work on their shows

wooyoung is the idealist while yeosang is the realist

like i said, they act like an old married couple always bickering and fighting but they really do love each other

ride or die best friends dude

it’s just that they say they’ll do certain things or are planning things soon and it just… doesn’t happen

that’s mostly idealist woo talking before yeosang can reign him in

so for years it’s been a lot of empty promises of new work that many people just stopped expecting things from them

and because of that they’ve past their peak and are basically just in limbo before they are actually able to make/perform their next show or something like that 

they rent the basement apartment of the pink palace, and they’ve technically lived in there the longest actually

growing up, both of their families lived there so that was how they met and became the best of friends :)

they didn’t want to leave either but they had to for a couple years

but at least they stayed together :)

their families moved back when the boys were about a year into high school just because the old woman who owns the place is a gem and the city had a great school for them to go to

while they were living there though a boy around their age went missing, and it basically convinced their families that they should move out

wooyoung and yeosang were very adamant about staying, so their families told them you’re either moving away with us or finding a way to pay for the apartment yourselves

so the next day wooyoung and yeosang went out and found themselves some jobs so that they could

it upset their parents sure, but they were also kinda proud that they took so much initiative about this - they knew they would succeed in life

it also factored into why grandma let them stay because she knew the same thing

the sweet woman even said she would help them out from time to time :(

then cue the next 3-4 years where woo and yeo are making a bunch of money with their dances teams and performing in shows 

they’ve gotten a good amount of money over the years that they’ve been able to renovate the basement so that it’s really nice

now they have posters of their “golden years” (as wooyoung says) from high school and their first years of college all around their place

they have a dog and have been seriously considering getting more because he’s getting kind of old :( 

they don’t really get out much bc they are constantly trying to plan and work on their shows, but it’s fine because there’s nothing really close to the pink palace :/ the closest city where they went to school is quite the commute

but because of all this - the empty promises, the lack of activity, the radio silence - no one really takes them seriously anymore, and really people just stopped believing in them

it’s a major factor in their motivation and work ethic, but they try their hardest not to let it deter them from what they want to do in life

Mingi, San, and Jongho ~ The Amazing Bobinsky

trust me here ok?

mingi, san, and jongho start their own circus right out of high school

hear me out

the boys all went to high school together, but jongho is a year younger than them so they all graduated at different times

however they had a lot of classes together because they didn’t really care much about school and it reflected on their academics

so they were put in a lot of lower classes together that they all did well in, they just didn’t care about school

their circus started out as a joke honestly

it was probably edgy teen jongho who was like “ugh i hate school i should just drop out and join the circus”

and it became a running joke between them like haha yeah let’s join the circus, who would we all be tho?

mingi and san were both very adamant that jongho would be the strongman what with all his fruit breaking endeavors and the buff buff arms dude

san did martial arts and liked dancing and was very flexible so he was like ayy i’ll be the acrobat

it took them a while to decide what mingi would be because they were like “huh well what about the lion tamer?” “you know how much of a fraidy cat he is?” “ok well what about a trapeze artist?” “he’s a great dancer and flexible sure, but would he ever be able to have that kind of coordination?” “ok fine then what about a clown?” “fuck you guys”

they chose sword swallower mostly because like??? how does it work?? idk mingi should find out 

and yeah for a while it was a running joke between all of them like yeah we’re gonna drop out of school and join the circus lol

but then come mingi and san’s senior year and they were like… hang on

could… could we actually do this? it sounds fun as hell

it went as far as them all researching circuses in their spare time and income and how to go about joining one

and it ended with them not wanting to live the lifestyle of a traveling circus 

sure it sounded cool as fuck, but while they were somewhat willing to live with those conditions, they weren’t willing enough

so the next best thing for them would be to start their own circus

of course, how do you tell your parents that what you want to be when you grow up is a circus performer?

the answer: you don’t 

whenever they were asked things likes “oh what do you want to do in college?” they all just kinda passed it off as they didn’t know, but in reality they didn’t really have any desire to go to college

you don’t need a degree to start a circus, so they didn’t really want to

once mingi and san graduated, they immediately started looking for affordable apartments where they could do their thing - start their circus

in all honesty they started looking before they graduated too, partially since they would be moving out after hs but also because they just felt better about not living with their parents 

they had seen the pink palace in the newspaper a lot with a vacant attic apartment, and basically since they found out about it they were sold on it

a weird place in the middle of nowhere run by a woman who doesn’t mind housing younger people? perfect

they actually met her before they graduated so they could see about renting the apartment sooner or later

grandma all but told them it was there’s once she met the boys, and she understands that when they are finally able to start living there they will be pretty tight on money, so she doesn’t even make them pay the down payment - she does that herself and holds the apartment for them

because let’s face it: the pink palace isn’t very big,, it already has a good amount of people living there,,, how many people are actually gonna consider moving to the middle of nowhere to actually live there?

plus she likes these three boys, so she wants to help them as much as she can

so yeah once mingi and san graduate, they are basically ready to move into the pink palace

but this is technically after that boy went missing and after the case turned cold, so grandma doesn’t want to rent to anyone new

but she already assured the boys that the attic was theirs, and she’s not about to break that promise

so before giving the boys the keys she gives them the lowdown of what’s been going on and what will happen in the future

they know the boy went missing, but she explains to them all that happened and that it gives the pink palace a bad rap (even though she hardly cares about that), so she wouldn’t normally be doing something like this but they will be the last people she lets rent from her

and they don’t completely understand because they have no idea what this has been doing to the poor old woman, but they understand enough and are grateful for her that she’s still letting them live there

they decide then that it would be better for jongho to start living with them now even before he’s graduated just so it’s less of a change for grandma in the future

which jongho is totally okay with because he honestly would rather live with them anyway

but uh yeah mingi, san, and jongho are the last ones to start renting at the pink palace for a long while

they split rent three ways so that it’s less burdensome on them, and they all have jobs so that they can afford it

mingi and san work full time while jongho has a part time job while he finishes school

but full time they are all preparing and planning their circus!!

takes a lot of throat training for mingi 😏 since he is literally putting swords down his throat, and he started this basically right when they decided their circus was going to be real

san and jongho have advantages because they already have some skill in their areas, but that doesn’t mean they don’t train

san still takes martial arts and dance, and he’s even signed up for gymnastics to help him with his flexibility

jongho basically spends all of his spare times working out (mostly lifting weights) so that he can really be strong

but also jongho has a thing for rats/mice and is like “hey,, why don’t we use them for something so that it’s not just us?”

and the boys lowkey are like wtf dude why but then again who are they to shut down his ideas when they are literally starting a circus?

so they’re like fine but that’s on you to decide how to do that and to plan the act

jongho: yessss ratssss

also jongho: NO they’re not RATS they’re MICE these are MICE THANK YOU

this is the “jumping mice” aspect of the coraline movie with bobinsky just fyi

a lot of jongho’s time in school is spent in the science and psychology departments talking to teachers about animals (specifically rats/mice) and how to train and work with them

the teachers are all kinda like… what? but also they are just happy that jongho is interested in something enough to come to the teachers and ask questions and apply himself

lmao it’s not for school tho

so he learns a lot of this information at school and honestly this might be the only thing he learns at school because soon enough he’s graduating with a bunch of knowledge on how to work with and train animals

once out of high school he starts working full time too so that money and rent is even easier

all of their extra money that isn’t toward rent and bills and groceries go to their circus

they hardly ever buy new clothes unless it’s something for their circus

also the boys had to go to grandma to ask if they could house mice in their apartment, and while it was a hard no (unless they were trained and wouldn’t cause trouble), jongho still smuggled them in

grandma knows about it too (bc she knows everything that goes on for the most part lmao) but she doesn’t say anything because they don’t cause trouble and she likes the boys

the day one of them gets loose and starts terrorizing and infesting the pink palace is the day she intervenes and tells them to get rid of them

but jongho is actually really good at training the mice so it’s fine

my point surrounding all of this is to say that mingi, san, and jongho are in the long and arduous stage of their lives and their circus of planning and preparing everything

they only make so much money and have so many resources that setting up their circus and doing everything to prepare is going to take a long time before they can actually open and show people what they’ve been working on

they’ve been doing it for a few years now and they’ve still hardly made a dent

they have to train and perfect their acts sure, but they also have to do all of the logistical stuff like advertising, selling tickets, finding venues, paying for safety and legal stuff, etc.

and these boys are only in their early 20s, so it’s gonna take a while before they can actually open their circus

but they are determined and passionate, so if this is what they have to do then they will happily do it

Yunho ~ The Ghost Children

oh god this is gonna start getting serious i’m sorry

in case you can’t tell, yunho is the boy that goes missing from the pink palace

he and his family lived in the pink palace from when he was pretty young until he was in high school

he was also really good friends with wooyoung and yeosang because they were all the same age

however he was... not happy

he always worked his ass off dancing because that’s what he wanted to do, but it meant his grades in school tanked

this would obviously be worrying to some parents, and his gave him an ultimatum

either get your grades up and start taking school seriously, or you’re not going to be allowed to continue your dance lessons

the answer was clear to yunho, so he told his dance teacher that he would be taking a break for a bit so he can focus on school

everything was fine until he realized his parents had zero intentions of letting him go back anyway

he didn’t understand,, his grades were getting better so why couldn’t he go back?

to put it plainly, his parents said this:

“what kind of career could you make out of dance? you’ll never succeed”

it was crushing

it was then that yunho realized that his own parents didn’t care about what he wanted and was passionate about

he didn’t think they ever would either, so he just sort of... stopped believing in them

it wasn’t all bad because he had his closest friends and grandma (who treated him like her own grandson)

but he had some pretty bad days that made the happy and energetic boy almost completely unrecognizable

he would look at wooyoung and yeosang and see how successful they were despite still being in school

he would see how their talent was rightfully recognized and sought after

and he would get down on himself, thinking how he wanted the same thing but fearing no one would see him

that’s why he worked hard at everything he did, why his motivation plummeted, and why he nearly wore himself out before even graduating

but one day he started acting strange

everyone noticed how a switch seemed to flip in him

that excited glimmer was back in his eyes, and no one knew why

don’t get me wrong, everyone was so happy to see the smiley yunho was back, but everyone wanted to know what happened

but he hardly made any sense when he told them

he supposedly found a place in the pink palace where he could do what he wanted, but whenever he tried showing anyone he couldn’t? the door was bricked up

everyone started thinking he made it up, that the stress was finally getting to him and he dreamt up a place like this so he wouldn’t lose his mind

that glimmer was gone again, and he stopped trying to talk to people

in fact, he closed himself off from everyone 

the day he went missing was the scariest day for everyone in the pink palace

everyone was devastated, but it completely changed his parents

grandma advised them to move out while the police investigated, but they refused despite how hard it was

but after a year the case became cold

no one could find yunho nor could anyone figure out what happened to him

he just disappeared without a trace

his parents still tried to stay though because they needed to find out what happened to their son

but they couldn’t. no one could

it wasn’t long before they too found it best that they move out of the pink palace

it was just too painful

that was the last time grandma ever rented to anyone new, so the apartment became completely vacant for years

even after they left, no one was able to figure out what happened to yunho

Seonghwa ~ The Black Cat

geomeun goyangi nero nero nero

uhhhh yeah seonghwa’s a cat lmao

he’s not owned by anyone and doesn’t have a collar or anything

he’s a stray that has been around for a while

he showed up pretty soon after yunho started distancing himself from people, but not soon enough for people to think that he’s an omen or something

and he’s not exactly

idk really how to explain it so i won’t lmao

he just sort of became the pink palace’s cat???

grandma takes responsibility for him though and makes sure he’s fed and has a place to rest and play if he ever feels like it

which is nice and all but he doesn’t?? do any of those things?

he comes and goes a lot sure,,, no one really knows where he goes but they know he’ll be back

but when he hangs out around the pink palace? he just... wanders?

it’s hard to explain but it’s almost like he is surveying the domain, like he’s searching for something wrong

he’s a weird cat

not only that though, but he doesn’t eat? or sleep? at all???

at least no one ever sees him sleeping or eating

he’s always getting into shit tho, like he’s always there when you don’t want him to be

there have been many times wooyoung has kicked him out of the apartment because the dogs hate him

mingi and san also try to keep him out because of jongho and his rats mice, but honestly jongho is pretty cool with him

because he doesn’t do anything to the mice? he literally just sits there and watches with wide and curious eyes

sure jongho worries about hwa one day stealing one of his mice for grandma to see so that she can make him get rid of them or kick them out but that’s not going to happen right?

hwa is chill tho, so jongho is chill

the cat would follow yunho around a lot, and a lot of times they were seen curled up together

yunho would be taking a nap the poor boy but hwa wouldn’t

he would just be there to comfort him :(

honestly he liked yunho and his best friend the most and everyone could tell jongho was a close second tho

they all came to start calling him mars instead of The Cat™ since they didn’t know his name

they still call him The Cat™ when he pisses them off but i digress

despite how fucking weird he is though, everyone at the pink palace basically loves him

he’s just Their Cat™ ok?

sure he might be annoying and shifty, or he might be haunted, or he might even be immortal

he’s a really weird cat dude

but he’s part of the family,, they gotta love him

Hongjoong ~ Coraline

curtesy of inception era hongjoong 

so joong is our main man here

at first he had no relation to the pink palace whatsoever,, he had never even heard of it

he lived with a friend in a fairly large city before and it was fine and all but WOW was it expensive

and it was honestly very stifling to hongjoong,,, he couldn’t really do everything he wanted to do there

he found the pink palace by accident

he was searching up affordable apartments to live in places that have good weather and conditions for gardening

let me explain though

hongjoong is in his downward stretch of college for a journalism degree, but he’s taking online classes with his move so that he can focus on that and working

he wants to work in gardening and writing, but he also really just wants to make stuff

his realistic plan is to work in journalism and write for like a gardening magazine or journal while gardening as a “side project” or something (like coraline’s parents do)

did somebody say florist joong? because i did

the dream job though would be to work in song writing or fashion or something artistic like that

he likes painting and making/customizing clothes so he would like to be able to make a career out of that

his goal is to eventually make his own business or store where he makes and sells affordable and sustainable clothes and accessories

he’s going for a degree in journalism with a minor in business, but he has been struggling with both so he has been debating dropping business

arguably it would be better for him to stick with business but most people in his life have told him he’s better in journalism and so he keeps at that mostly 

he feels unfulfilled - he wants to plant a garden, he wants to make and alter clothes customly, he wants to make music

but he isn’t able to do any of that because what are the odds any of that ends up working as a career? 

it might work for a little while but in the future he would technically be a small business, and maintaining a small business is difficult

at least with writing and working for a magazine/journal is stable

however it’s not what he’s most passionate about, thus he finds it hard to have motivation to work

he feels like a zombie going through his days the same as the last, just trying to get through school before he gets a 9-5 job that he’ll hate within a year (if that) doing something he doesn’t want to do

but hey, that’s adult life, isn’t it? 

he doesn’t like to complain and feels guilty when he is ungrateful for his circumstances because he knows plenty of people (his parents included) that went down this route who ended up fine, which means he will too

the one person who always told him to go after what he wanted was his mom even though she technically “settled” in life

holy shit did i digress

but yeah in his search for an affordable place to live with good weather, there wasn’t a lot 

but he also wanted a drastic change from what he was used to, and that was the pink palace

it was practically in the middle of nowhere, and the pictures (while pretty dull) showed potential for a great garden

it was perfect

however

it was a hard no from grandma when he called about possibly renting, so he wasn’t expecting her to call him back at all

grandma didn’t want to risk anything because of what happened with yunho

but with some convincing, she realized that she couldn’t keep holding on

while what happened was horrible, there was nothing that could be done as sad as it was

so she called hongjoong back about when the best time to come look at the pink palace would be

and the rest is history

[dhwty-writes]

Chapter 19 - Golden Gowns and Eventful Evenings

I have no excuse, so I will just post this and run 

Jaskier and Geralt attend the banquet in Goldfurt together. 

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Being the biggest city between Yspaden and Mirt, it shouldn’t come as a surprise that Goldfurt exceeded any and all expectations Jaskier might have had before returning after his twenty-year absence. Being governed by his brother-in-law, Janina’s husband no less, it shouldn’t come as a surprise either that they exceeded them in the wrong direction.

Truth be told, he did not remember a lot about the city from his pre-Oxenfurt days. Of course, they had been obligated to visit the banquet every year, both as neighbours as well as the family of the future Countess, but Jaskier had been barely thirteen the last time he had attended the festivities. The only thing he remembered from that visit was his short-lived infatuation with one of Goldfurt’s squires. It had promptly ended when said squire had basically wiped the floor with him in the training yard during their one and only interaction.

After that unpleasantness he had gladly given a rather wide berth to the city and the castle at its centre. Jaskier had even managed to forestall the unhappy reunion for another year due to a cough at the most convenient of times.

This year, however, there was no excuse in the world that would have made it appropriate for him to stay away. Not with his title, not with his renewed betrothal to Lady Alina. Not with the two newest additions to his household, he was supposed to parade around like a pair of exotic animals.

Jaskier ground his teeth as he tugged at the sleeves of his shirt. ‘Melitele’s tits, I’d gladly attend the dinner if I could leave Ciri and Geralt in Lettenhove,’ he thought bitterly. But that would not only be a grievous insult, it would also rouse more suspicion and rumours than they already did. ‘Best hide them in plain sight.’ And if something unforeseeable were to happen, they could also make a quick escape.

Due to these unforeseen developments, the lack of information had posed quite an obstacle. If there was one particular lesson the twenty years with Geralt had taught him, then it was that ignorance in the face of danger could be fatal. And while one might assume, that a witcher’s lifestyle was much more deadly than a Viscounts, Jaskier would gladly go and fight a dozen ghouls with nothing but his lute, instead of entering the vipers’ nest that was Goldfurt.

Extensive reconnaissance—consisting of squeezing as much information as possible out of his three sisters—had revealed that he might actually have better chance with the ghouls. The silk doublet his servant buttoned up would do little against daggers in the dark or libations laced with poison. Not that he expected his kin and kinfolk-to-be to try and murder him at a dinner party, of course. He expected them to have some decorum at least.

Still, he had entered the city knowing fully well that he was anathema to at least half a dozen invited guests, not least of all their host. On the other hand, which relative of his wife was not anathema to Filip Firkalt?  None of them, that was which. It had been one of the primary sources of their entertainment in the past days.

It was no secret that while he and his sisters nursed a precarious love-hate-relationship, the loving aspect was completely lost on the in-laws. The source of that animosity, of course, lay in the title he now bore. The moment his disappearance after his graduation from Oxenfurt had become public knowledge, both of his brothers-in-law had begun vying for what was rightfully his, Kerton with his heir even more so than childless Goldfurt. The fact that he had returned to rob them of what they had already considered theirs, was just another strain on their relationship.

Another of the lessons Geralt had imparted to him, was the importance of a plan. So, not only had the four Pankratz siblings spent their evenings mocking the stupidities they had been forced to endure by the hands of the men in their lives the past two decades, they had also conspired how best to pay them back within the confines of propriety. Two of them, at least. Janina and her blood-tear mourning garb had only been the appetiser for the main course that was to be served at the banquet tonight.

Or rather, it should have been. For the first vital life lesson he had learned on the Path was that every plan, no matter how good or bad, immediately went to shit upon the first contact with the opponents. Theirs had been no exception to the rule. The memory still made him clench his fist in anger. The disrespect shown to him and his sisters by not riding out to greet them was one thing. But he should have punched Goldfurt in the face when he first had called Geralt a dog. ‘Right then and there, castle peace be damned.’

“M’lord?” the attendant fussing over his cuffs called his attention with a meek voice. “Begging your pardon, but you have to let go of that fist, m’lord.”

“Oh,” he replied dumbfounded as his eyes travelled down to the rings he was holding in his hands. “Of course.” Slowly, he uncurled his tightly clenched fingers, while she slipped the signet ring as well as the embellished buttercup ring in place.

Jaskier stared blankly at his mirror image, fighting the urge to smile at the sight of him clad in Lettenhove ochre and muted autumnal colours. It would be the last time to dress for such an occasion before winter undoubtedly would settle in but a few days. He would be in need of a level head as much as a stoic façade for this evening. No matter how much he wanted to shout out his delight over his delivery from the straightjacket that had been his mourning garb. He wouldn’t have a lute to do so anyways, so there was no point in it.

In any way, there was no bard required this evening. He needed to be the Viscount de Lettenhove instead, protecting all those who had sought shelter at his home and hearth for the winter. ‘Geralt chief among them all.’ The witcher had protected him for nigh twenty years of his life, after all. After all these years of watching helplessly as villagers, nobles, and innkeepers had made Geralt’s life miserable, he was finally in a position to repay him. And it was high time that he did so.

“Will that be everything, m’lord?” the servant asked with a coy smile.

“Yes.”

He bowed obediently, still lingering. “Shall I be waiting for your return?”

Jaskier spared him a short considerate glance. He was quite an attractive fellow, although far too young. “Best not,” he answered, doing his best to keep the contempt from dripping into his voice. It wasn’t directed at the servant anyways. “It will be rather late, I’ll wager.” He certainly wasn’t desperate enough to take a man to ben who might not be offering his companionship for his own volition but because of ill-directed instructions he’d received.

Besides, he had a witcher to get to. The servant bolted from the room and Jaskier quickly followed, but not before grabbing the bundle on his bed.

His witcher had been billeted at a ridiculous distance to Jaskier’s own rooms in quarters which found themselves in a distressingly poor state. Well, nothing in Goldfurt Castle classified as ‘poor’ exactly, but in comparison to the usually upheld standard, it was scarcely better than the rug on the floor he’d been offered at first. The unfairness of it all made his blood boil.

Geralt, on the other hand, remained as unfazed as Jaskier was accustomed to. He had even kept him from running back to make good on his first impulse to bestow their host with a bloody nose. Instead, he had praised the quarters and assured him that he would be just fine, before ushering him out.

‘Maybe,’ a treacherous voice in the back of his head hissed, ‘he’s even glad to get away from you.’

Jaskier gnawed on his lower lip. He couldn’t even fault Geralt for that. His own welcome for his oldest friend had been anything but warm and he was well aware of the coldness freezing the air between them. ‘He still hasn’t apologised,’ he reminded himself. ‘Stubborn mule.’ Instead, Geralt had hurt him even more, albeit unknowingly so. Not that that made it hurt any less.

The same door that had slammed shut behind his back a few days prior blocked the path before him now. Jaskier didn’t allow himself a second thought and swung it open. “Ger—” He was with one foot over the threshold already, when he suddenly remembered and the fear of finding Geralt in bed with Marin stole his voice.

“My lord?”

He appeared to be in luck. Geralt was alone in the chamber. And nearly naked. The only strip of fabric on his person was a towel slung low around his hips and the shirt in his hands, his hair still damp from a bath.

“Uhm,” he said eloquently, while he desperately tried to get his thoughts into order. Unfortunately, he did not manage before his mouth started talking without any cerebral input: “You’re not wearing that,” he blurted of all things.

No ‘Good evening, Geralt’, or ‘How are you enjoying your stay, Geralt?’, or even ‘Fuck, why can’t we go back to how it was before, I’m slowly losing my mind, Geralt.’

No, it was 'You're not wearing that.'

If ever there was a moment for the skies to part and the gods to strike him down with a well-placed bolt of lightning, this was certainly is, right before 'You don't want to keep a man with bread in his pants waiting.' What was it about the witcher that made him so exceptionally stupid? Whatever it was, if the gods could hurry up and erase his existence from this earth, Jaskier would be much obliged, thank you very much.

Unfortunately, nothing happened.

Nothing of that sort, at least, because something happened and that was Geralt slowly glancing down at the towel and up at Jaskier again to deadpan: "I wasn't going to."

"Good," Jaskier's mouth ambled on.

He had to hand it to Geralt, the fact that he didn't so much as raise his eyebrows before moving to put on the shirt was undoubtedly one of his greatest displays of discipline so far.

"You're not going to wear that, either," Jaskier continued, slowly regaining control of his words again.

“Why not?” he asked, his voice impossibly honest. As if there was nothing wrong with the black shirt and breeches, he had worn on the day they’d arrived.

“Because,” he quipped and tossed him the bag he was carrying, “you’re not going as a witcher tonight. This is my brother-in-law’s banquet; we have a reputation to uphold. You're my friend and anyone who knows me, which is everyone here, is well aware that the only way my friend is dressed in anything but the finest clothing would be over my dead body. I'd never allow you to stand out for your tastelessness and considering that you don't appear to have a fashion sense for yourself, I'll gladly provide you with assistance."

"Hmm." Geralt cleared his throat and said: "I need to change if you want me to wear that." He flourished the expensive clothes in his hand.

"Right." Jaskier took a breath to steady himself. But somehow, his feet didn't move.

He raised his gaze with an amused expression on his face. "You need to leave the room, my lord, unle-" The expression on his face changed rapidly as if he was just realising what he was saying.

The barbed retort was already on the tip of his tongue: 'Why, Geralt, are you offering I stay to watch?' But the image of him and Marin kissing was much too present in his mind as it was, so Jaskier bit his lip to keep it from escaping. 'He's not mine to keep,' he reminded himself. 'Never has been, never will be.' "Right," he forced out and turned around, "I'll wait for you in the hallway." He wasn't sure either of them would survive the dinner otherwise.

Jaskier did his best to keep from fidgeting and pacing while he waited outside, which was no easy feat considering the nervousness and hum of energy building within him. Normally, he wasn’t prone to fits of anxiousness. Tonight, however, there was so much that could go wrong, so much that would ruin everything, so much—

Mercifully, the spiral of dread was interrupted by the quiet lock of a door behind him, accompanied by Geralt politely clearing his throat.

“Finally!” Jaskier meant to say as he turned on his heel. What got out was more of a garble: "Hngh." Geralt looked... dashing. There was no other word for it, truly. Well other than 'otherworldly beautiful and I can't decide whether the outfit choice was the best or worst idea I had in a long time and shit, I really should have taken that into consideration; he's not yours to keep, Jaskier, get it together, gods damnit!'

Yeah, dashing was much easier than that. Blue suited him, but Jaskier had already known that. He had chosen the outfit for their last ball together as well, after all. But in contrast to that disastrous outfit, the witcher wore clothes that actually fit him, instead of too small things Jaskier had pulled out of his bag. And on top of that, the witcher had the audacity to smirk. "You approve, my lord?"

"I do," Jaskier managed without embarrassing himself further. "We should go," he decreed. "The Count and Countess will make their appearance soon; it is considered terribly impolite to arrive after them."

"And you're only aiming for impolite?" Geralt teased.

Jaskier frowned and quickly looked down to hide a smile. It was true, most of the meticulous planning by him and his sisters prior to this visit had been to be as impolite as possible while still operating within the socially acceptable norms. Janina and her blood-tear mourning garb had been only the beginning of what would undoubtedly come to a head this evening.

Judging by the quiet snort beside him, he wasn’t quick enough. “Geralt,” he spoke up a few moments later.

“My lord?”

He grimaced slightly. “You probably shouldn’t call me that tonight. It would only… raise suspicion.”

The witcher frowned deeply. “And what should I call you then?”

“Julian,” he said simply. “That’s my name, you know.”

“I thought you resented that name.”

‘I do,’ he thought. “I mustn’t,” he answered and continued on into the dining hall. A large part of the nigh two hundred guests had already arrived and heated the room up nicely, in spite of the freezing temperatures outside. A plethora of voices filled his ears, the kind of pleasant buzz that usually promised an eager crowd Jaskier could sail upon. But he couldn't, so now the mix was irritating, fraying his nerves. And it smelt. Not quite enough to actually stink, but that would come soon enough with the fragrances mixing with sweat and food.

All of the sudden, Jaskier pitied Geralt. He knew the witcher had much finer senses than he did and if he was nearly overwhelmed-

A nigh unnoticeable touch at his elbow made him whip around. He stared directly at Geralt's face. "Are you alright?" the witcher asked quietly, concern etched onto every fibre of his body.

"Quite," Jaskier answered stiffly, letting his eyes sweep over the crowd until he spotted Ciri and Józefa at a table directly beneath the dais. “Let us join my lovely sister and cousin, shall we?” the Viscount announced with a bright smile frozen on his face as he crossed the threshold, a gentle hand on Geralt’s elbow to ensure he would follow.

There was no announcement, no herald making their arrival known, yet at least half a dozen heads turned their direction immediately. A hushed whisper spread through the ballroom with each of their footfalls, like ripples on a still lake during a rain shower that turned into a thunderstorm. A few moments passed, none of the attendants quite sure how to react—Julian Pankratz’ return had been surprising to all, disconcerting to most, and relieving to none.

Then: “Julian Pankratz!” a booming voice cut through the backdrop of murmurs, the crowd parting to let the speaker through. “I didn’t think you’d have the guts to show your face here.”

Jaskier’s lips curled into a true smile for but a moment when he recognised him. “Dawid,” he greeted his former friend, wincing slightly when he pounded on his shoulder, “I wouldn’t have if I had known you’d be here.”

The knight laughed at that, slung an arm around his shoulders and pulled him along. After that it was as if a wall had broken down. The journey to their places was torturously slow, continuously interrupted by former friends and lovers, now married and introducing their heirs, enemies and strangers, who sought to curry favours, or just regular attendants who just wanted an excuse to gawk at him.

They had almost made it, the end of their table already in touching distance, when another petitioner approached. It was a young boy, a squire, Jaskier guessed, dressed in Goldfurt’s livery, who bowed deeply. “My lord, my lord Goldfurt sends his regrets for the unfortunate seating situation,” the boy said with a wavering voice. “I am to let you know that there unfortunately is not enough space to accommodate all of your family as well as your witcher.”

Jaskier did not have to look up at the half-empty dais to know it was a blatant lie. “Unfortunate indeed,” he replied curtly.

“However, his lordship asked me to inform you that you yourself are welcome to join him at the high table, as are the two maidens who share his blood. And that you may rest assured, my lord, the witcher will enjoy himself just fine where he is.”

"I thank you kindly," Jaskier answered primly. "If you would do me the favour of relaying a message to her ladyship, now? Tell my sister, what is good enough for my witcher is good enough for me. I do not wish to add any additional strain to our familial relationship than there already is with our presence, which is why I am sure I will enjoy the festivities just as well down here as up there."

The boy stared up at him with wide eyes. "Lady Goldfurt," impressed upon him again. "If possible, in the presence of Lady Kerton." He nodded hastily and disappeared.

When Jaskier turned around with a sigh he was met with Geralt's dark expression. "What?"

"Do you think it advisable-"

He waved his hand around tiredly, continuing his path to Józefa and Ciri. Fuck, he was exhausted already and the banquet hadn't even started yet. "Do not worry about my wisdom, Geralt, I know more about these affairs than you do."

"It's not your wisdom or intelligence I question, I know you have both aplenty. It's your foresight. I do not know you to be a patient man."

"And I am not, but luckily it is not of the essence in this case. I am aware we tread on unfamiliar territory for you, but I grew up here. I am well aware of how far I, Julian of Lettenhove, can go before truly insulting someone. Lucky for us both, it is much farther that either you, Geralt of Rivia, or I, Jaskier the bard, could hope to. If anything, it will reflect poorly on our host to deny me my designated place over such a petty squabble. It will earn us sympathies!"

"What will earn us sympathies?" Ciri's eager voice asked.

"The fact that you will have to make do with this entirely new place for you, cublet, that is not at the side of the host of such a lavish gathering,” Jaskier replied and bowed with a flourish, taking her hand to kiss her knuckles. She giggled. “Madam, what a joy it is to see you. Truly, you are the jewel that crowns this evening; your beauty outshines the rising sun after a moonless night.”

“Thank you, Lord Lettenhove,” she answered with a perfect curtsy, during which the skirts of her dress flared out. Lettenhove ochre, just like his doublet, he noticed, and her dark hair plaited in an updo that must have taken hours to complete. It left no doubts as to where she belonged. She glanced up at him with a malicious glint in her eyes. "Do you know the best part?" she whispered.

He leaned down to her. "Tell me."

"The skirts are so wide, I could still gut a man in it."

Jaskier blinked in surprise; it was the quiet chuckle form Geralt that got him to finally break into laughter. "And what a good thing that is," he assured her.

"Fiona," Józefa chided softly. "I told you not to say that in nice company."

“Of course, cousin,” Ciri replied with a mischievous grin, “I would never.”

"Thank you," he said, rolling his eyes and winked at Ciri. He couldn't stop the feeling of pride welling up within him, but at least he could stop himself from hugging her by approaching his sister and kissing her hand as well. "You, madam, are just as dazzling as our young cousin. I fear I shall be blinded after this night, surrounded by so much beauty."

Behind him he heard Geralt whisper to Ciri: "What answer?"

"I just insulted him politely," Ciri answered just as hushed, evidently very proud himself. 

Józefa huffed and crossed her arms under her chest. She was wearing an expensive red robe with orange embroidery and primroses etched on the edge. "You are a woeful waffler, brother. But you look good, too. Nice and proper."

"Nice and proper indeed," Jaskier replied and straightened his impeccable doublet. "You think I can fool them into thinking I am just as much of a stuck-up prick as my father was and as they are?"

"Hmm," she hummed and cast a quick glance around. "I think you already have. Maybe yell at a few servants or refuse to speak to any of the ladies if the topic is not their beauty if you really want to drive the point home."

He nodded thoughtfully. "Working on it, sister dearest. I'm working on it." He clapped his hands and smiled brightly. "Well, let's get comfortable, shall we?" he chirped and pulled the chair back for his sister and Ciri in turn.

When he turned to Geralt and quirked a curious eyebrow when he still found him standing. The witcher looked back and forth between Jaskier and his two wards before shrugging. Geralt pulled back his seat with the mockery of a bow. 

He huffed a quiet laugh. "Thank you, my friend," Jaskier said with a subtle touch to Geralt's shoulder as he sat down.

"You're welcome. Julian," he said, as if he was probing out the taste of the unfamiliar name in his lips. A moment later he grimaced, as if it was particularly disgusting.

Jaskier was almost about to tease him about him when the great doors opened and Lord Goldfurt walked in with Janina on his arm. His sister looked magnificent, if he dared say so himself. While she usually didn't indulge in the luxuries that her advantageous marriage granted her, Jaskier was sure that she was wearing the most luxurious dress she had donned since her wedding. It was in dark and subdued tones, almost dark enough to count as mourning, that screamed "Lettenhove" at the same time.

Jaskier smirked. It had been a brilliant idea on Justyna's part.

The unhappy pair stopped before the dais, Janina stone-faced and Filip with a smile that fooled no-one. "My dear friends," he greeted them, "I am overjoyed that I am able to greet all of you once again at the beginning of this new year. May it bring prosperity and health for all of us. Especially my estranged brother-in-law, Julian Pankratz who has finally ascended to his rightful place as Lord Lettenhove. It's an honour and a pleasure to finally host the famous Pankratz siblings again. A shame that you are missing one of your matching set. What do you say, Julian? A toast of the famous poet!"

Jaskier rose from his seat to the thundering applause and bowed exaggeratedly. Somehow, this was the most calming thing he had done in months. "Thank you, thank you," he placated. " I fear neither honour nor pleasure are the words our hosts usually describe us with." It roused a laugh from the crowd. "But, for the sake of this tradition, we will behave.

"I am thrilled, though I am entirely undeserving of the praise. Here's to my sisters, who are more beautiful than a bouquet of larkspurs. To the Count of Goldfurt, our gracious host. It is my utmost joy to finally be reunited with my family and my home. To Redania! And to his beautiful lady wife, my sister, Janina of Lettenhove."

He could practically feel the temperature drop in the hall as soon as he had uttered the last words, all eyes trained on Goldfurt to see how he might react. He practically didn't react at all, besides begrudgingly raising his goblet to his mouth and taking the tiniest of sips. "To home," he agreed reluctantly, "and my lady wife."

Janina, on the other hand, barely contained her grin and drank a big gulp. "To home," she said as well and the toast echoed through the hall, slowly reciprocated by all of the guests. The toasts were mixed with murmurs of confusion that died as soon as the food started to appear.

The banquet itself was a dreary affair as noble banquets often were, especially if the people at your table were of the quiet sort. And what was Geralt if not the quietest of them all?

Still, Jaskier delighted in pointing out the Counts, Barons and knights to Ciri. Between Józefa and himself they managed not only to call up old history lessons of their neighbours and their connections to Lettenhove, but also a fair share of gossip as the first course was served: fish. Oh, and what fish it was. Platters upon platters of smoked cod was passed in front of them, along with roast pike and fat carps in beer sauce, accompanied with little pastries of perch, trout, and salmon.

It was good. No, divine even. Not as good as Ana's cooking at home, but that was hard to beat. Apart from that it might be the best food he'd eaten in years.

"Did you know," Józefa stage-whispered and leaned over to him, "that three years ago Goldfurt's aunt was found in flagrante with Dergetten's elder sister?"

Jaskier gasped, pretending to be scandalised. "You're kidding. That old bag?"

"What's in flagrante?" Ciri wanted to know and Geralt choked on his food. "Jaskier, what's it mean?"

"Umm," he felt his cheeks grow hot. "You know what? Geralt will gladly explain that to you." The witcher shot him a mean glare that betrayed that, no, he absolutely would not. At this point he decided that it was best to change the topic. "Do you see that old knight over there?" he asked and discreetly pointed at the table across the dance floor from them. "He's supposed to be a dragon slayer."

Geralt snorted disbelievingly, and Jaskier shrugged. "Oh, we all know he's a liar. He's got the dragon's wings hanging in his hall, I've seen them. If you ask me, it's a bat he killed. And not even an especially large one."

Ciri giggled at that and Jaskier happily continued to dish out child-appropriate rumours as the next round of dishes for them to choose from was paraded around. It was poultry next, roast chickens, chicken pastries, scalloped chickens. But also, a dozen herons, little carrot-nests with fieldfares, and truffled capon. And all along the wine flowed freely. Est-Est was brought out by the barrel, as well as dry reds, sweet whites and even the odd sparkling wine in between. Normally, Jaskier would have indulged happily, but he had the feeling that he should keep a clear head for the evening. Besides, he had monitor Ciri's alcohol intake, who readily charmed the servants into slipping another sip into her watered-down wine.

They had just advanced to the main courses—fourteen suckling pigs, two dozen roast veal, eight whole boars, a handful of oxen, with thick gravy, cooked and fried and braised roots and an overabundance of cabbages. White cabbages, red cabbages, pickled cabbage, cabbage salad—oh, how he missed Toussaint in the winter—when some puffed-up peacock playing at being a poet swaggered onto the dance floor. Jaskier huffed and crossed his arms, pointedly ignoring Geralt's bemused stares. 'The bardlet isn't even good,' Jaskier noted and forced himself to stop listening, else he might work himself into a rage over the blatant display of negative talent, that's what it was—

Geralt relieved a servant of her pitcher to refill both their goblets. Upon seeing Jaskier's questioning expression he shrugged. "Might make it more bearable for both of us," he explained and nudged the cup towards him. "This night I won't suffer sober."

He laughed hoarsely and clinked their cups together before taking a large gulp. "To sobriety, then."

"To banquets," Geralt added and glanced over to Ciri, "and no more surprises."

"What are you two talking about?" she wanted to know.

"The last banquet we attended together," Jaskier answered, steadfastly trying to ignore how his heart hurt at the thought. "It's where... we met your mother."

"Oh." She perked up at that, although her eyes seemed to grow sadder. "Was it... was it similar?"

"No," Jaskier said, just as Geralt replied: "Yes."

They blinked at each other for a moment before looking away. Jaskier tried to ignore the curious look Ciri gave him before she was distracted by Józefa again, the gods bless her soul. He was sure the little princess wasn't listening anymore and he was even more sure that Geralt was well aware of it, when the witcher growled: "The music was better."

"Excuse me?" he squeaked. Quickly, he cleared his throat. "Excuse me?" he asked again

He leaned over to him and Jaskier eyed him warily. "The bard's shit," he hissed. "Can't even carry a simple tune."

Well. That wasn't untrue. But hearing it from Geralt made him nearly spit out his wine. "You think all bards are shit," he responded as soon as he had recovered from his coughing fit.

"Bull-fucking-shit," Geralt growled. "I like your singing well enough."

He raised an incredulous eyebrow. "You called my singing a fillingless pie."

He shrugged. "And I still think that's true. Tasty crust," he impaled a piece of pie on his fork, "no filling." He pointed his fork at Jaskier. "Pretty voice, empty lyrics."

"Oh, so you think I have a pretty voice?" the words were out of his mouth before he could stop himself. "Anything else about me that appeals to your artistic eye?"

"Hmm," Geralt answered and raked his eyes over Jaskier's body before quickly hiding his smile behind his goblet. Not quickly enough, though. His cheeks grew hot with the blush and he frowned darkly.

'Stop it,' he commanded himself. 'No use reading meanings into something where nothing's there.' He drained his water glass. He was is desperate need of a clear head, for he was quite aware that the heat coursing through his body was not merely caused by the many people getting drunk in the room.

At least he could distract himself with dessert being served: sweet pumpkin pies and baked, stuffed apples, red berry groats and oat biscuits with honey and cinnamon. Jaskier was quick enough to snatch the cup of mulled wine out of Ciri's hands, but could hardly protest the platter laden with all different kinds of sweets—not when his plate didn't look any different.

He passed the goblet he had just salvaged over to Geralt, who just scoffed. "Oh, now he's ripping off your songs," the witcher grumbled. "Ridiculous."

Jaskier sighed. "Let him." He knew there were enough impostors; he had stopped caring years ago.

"He's not even getting the lyrics right."

"I thought they were empty anyways," he remarked and popped a biscuit into his mouth.

"Not the point."

"Jaskier," Ciri interrupted them, "they're starting to dance."

He frowned as he saw Goldfurt leading Janina onto the dance floor to signify the end of the dinner. He sighed as he caught Lady Alina's eye on the other side of the hall. No doubt he would be expected to share at least one dance with his betrothed, for propriety's sake.

"I suppose you should join them, Julian," Geralt quipped and crossed his arms as they watched Justyna and Damian join them on the dance floor.

"I suppose I should."

"Well?"

He rolled his eyes. "Maybe later. For the moment, allow me to abuse your presence to hide from my duties." He watched his two sisters dance when another thought hit him: "Wait, how do you know that the lyrics are wrong?"

Jaskier could've sworn he saw a blush creep up Geralt's cheeks as the witcher grumbled something unintelligible and hid behind his tankard again.

"Geralt of Rivia," Jaskier gasped indignantly, "are you trying to tell me, you memorised my songs?"

"Don't flatter yourself."

“I—” Jaskier began, only to be interrupted by Józefa: “Julian,” she called his attention. “I believe you should honour the Lady Alina with a dance.”

“Fine,” he ground out and rose to his feet.  “I believe I have to surrender you to my sister’s care for a while, so I fear our conversation will have to come to a close for the moment.”

“Pity,” the witcher grumbled and leaned back in his seat, obviously not finding it a pity at all.

Jaskier laughed as if he had just told a joke. “Do try to enjoy yourself, my friend.” He winked, though his heart sank. “I’ll be back.”

He wasn’t quite sure if he should be relieved or not to leave the witcher and his sour mood behind, though he was sure that his own mood grew worse with every step. Eyes and whispers clung to him all along the way, although he pretended not to hear.

He couldn’t deny them their right to gossip; they were landed gentry after all, what else were they supposed to do with their pitiable lives? He’d just prefer that gossip to be limited to him and not the newest two additions to his household.

He had been hesitant, at first, to bring both of them to Goldfurt. Truly the last thing on earth they needed was more attention on Lettenhove. But after some long talks with Józefa they had come to the conclusion that there were rumours anyways. Not bringing the two of them along would look even more conspicuous.

In the end, he wasn’t the one who found his betrothed, for she beat him to the chase. “Lord Lettenhove,” she called for his attention.

“Lady Alina,” he did little to mask his surprise. “You’re just the one I was looking for.”

“Were you now?” She raised her eyebrows. “No doubt for the same reasons as I do.”

“And which might those be?”

“To satisfy my brother’s demands that we socialise, of course,” she replied and raised her fan to hide her exaggerated yawn. “Is there not a question you should ask me?”

Jaskier bowed gracefully. "May I have this dance, my lady?"

“You may.” She barely even bothered with a curtsy before she let herself be led to the centre of the dance floor. The spent about half of the dance in icy silence, before Lady Alina finally spoke up: “So, are the rumours true then?”

“Rumours?” he feigned ignorance.

She snorted. “Do not insult me, Lettenhove. We both know that you are well aware what I am talking about.”

Of course, he knew. The whole society talked about nothing else but Fiona Nowak’s parents. There was a myriad of different stories where she came from and why she was in Lettenhove now, many of which he and Józefa had planted themselves. The most wide-spread, however, was the only one that he had actually tried to extinguish: “If you want to pretend, you’re more stupid than you actually are, fine. Let me be frank, my lord. Is young Miss Nowak your bastard daughter?”

He locked his jaw. “Those rumours are none that I encouraged,” he answered curtly.

“That does not answer my question.”

“And yet it is the only answer I will give on that matter,” he insisted. He had no wish to discuss the matter any further, so he was not quite sure what made him continue talking: “Though it is true that she is very dear to me, as is her safety. I would do anything to keep her safe.”

“How admirable,” she responded drily. “Though again, I would have thought the cleverness of your sisters runs in the family. I am disappointed to see that it doesn’t.”

He raised his eyebrows. ‘Ouch.’ Were he a man easily slighted, he would have taken offence. In reality, though, he was only impressed. “Are you well acquainted with them, my lady?”

“With some better than others. Did you know that I spent a few years in Nowigrad?”

He tensed up and she laughed.

“Of course, you did. You avoided the city like the plague back then.” Lady Alina smiled politely. “Well, Jolanta sends her regards.”

He frowned. She had never told him that she knew his former fiancée.

“She also lets you know that another friend of yours is growing restless with… this.” She made a vague gesture at the gossiping nobles around them.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“I could not say, my lord, I am but the messenger.” The music stopped and she stepped back from him immediately. “I believe we have satisfied our duties. Good night, my lord.”

Even after leaving his fiancée in the arms of another, the dancing did not stop. Instead of his feet tracing patterns over the floor, his words took over as he found himself getting sucked deeper and deeper into the deadly dance of deception that was so popular with all nobles. Whenever he spun, trying to step off the dance floor of politics he found himself in the slippery grasp of yet another opponent. Chief among them, of course, were his sisters.

"Despicable old bag," Janina hissed, still eyeing the dowager Baroness he had rescued her from. "She's rotten to the bone."

"A Dergetten through and through," he agreed. "Józefa told me she’s the reason Lady Zibold came down with that horrible stomach sickness two years ago."

"Really, Julek?" She rolled her eyes. "You, churning the rumour mill?"

He shrugged. He had never claimed to be above these petty squabbles; he was landed gentry, after all, what else was he supposed to do with his pitiable life?

He spun away from her, soon to be embraced by another lady. All the while he danced, he could hear the rumours continue to spread like wildfire.

“Did you hear Lettenhove had the witcher bring his bastard to his keep?” he heard one nobleman whisper.

“She’s supposed to be the daughter of some whore,” another quipped.

“Don’t be a fool, Alma, she’s the Countess de Stael’s daughter; remember how she retreated to a temple for a few months a decade ago?”

“No, she has elf blood in her veins, it’s why he hid her.”

On and on the whispers went and Jaskier couldn’t help but roll his eyes at them. Not a single one of them got even close to the truth. He supposed he had to be grateful for that and he couldn’t resist the smile tugging at the corner of his mouth when he saw her. She was hand in hand with Daria, sweeping over the dance floor and disturbing this dancing couples in the process.

He spun a web of lies to evade a landed knight’s curious questions and found himself on the dancefloor again within the blink of an eye, Justyna in his arms.

"I am glad to see her so joyous," he said with a fond smile as Ciri and Daria swept past them again, nearly knocking Janina and Goldfurt over in the process. "Both of them." His smile widened even more when he saw her keeping her husband from reprimanding them. 'You can't hide from me, Janka,' he thought triumphantly, 'she's gotten to you just as much as to the rest of us.'

Justyna hummed her approval. "She's a sullen child, is she not? I feared she might faint during our first meeting."

Jaskier sighed. "She's been through a lot, Konwalia. She's seen so many bad things, worse than anything you or me can imagine, and she's just a child."

He stepped away to bow to her as she spun away from him. When he pulled her close again, she averted her gaze. "Maybe I didn't give you enough credit. Maybe you might be able to understand."

“Maybe I might be,” he agreed cautiously. “Where’s Julek, by the way? I don’t think I’ve seen him in hours.”

"He's— Miss Nina put him to bed. He was... not feeling well."

"He's a quiet boy."

"He is. Easily overwhelmed, too. He doesn't smile a lot either. He's a good boy, though," she assured him quickly.

"That I do not doubt," he said and smiled. She didn't return it. "Justyna?" Her gaze flickered away nervously as she tugged on her sleeve. It was a bad habit their father had beaten out of her even before he'd left. It worried him. “You—I am aware that you think me unable to comprehend your worries, and maybe you are right and I am. However, I hope that you would still confide in me after all these years. If there is anything short of murder and treason within my power to help you and yours, I will do it, without hesitation.”

She kept silent for a few more moments, looking uneasy. "It's Damian," she told him quietly. "He believes him a changeling."

He huffed disbelievingly. “A changeling?”

“Yes,” she confirmed. “That’s what he settled for after accusing me of adultery first. He does not believe that a son of his could be this—”

“Inadequate?” Jaskier offered, well-acquainted with that particular paternal sentiment.

“He is not what he wants his son to be. Not courageous, not knightly enough, while Daria is—not enough of a boy to be precisely that.”

“And isn’t that a familiar tune?” Jaskier sighed quietly. “I am sorry your son takes this much after his namesake.”

“I am not.” She raised her chin defiantly. “For I love his namesake, just as I love my son.”

“I am glad to hear that.” The song ended and they both took a step backwards. Jaskier reached down and gently lifted her knuckles to his lips. “Worry not, my lady. For the time being, you are guests in Lettenhove, protected by my castle peace. And I happen to be quite fond of cowards, monsters, and inadequate children.”

Her expression softened. “I know you are. Thank you, Jaskier.”

He squeezed her hand briefly, before excusing himself, in desperate need of a drink—and a conversation with a certain witcher, he believed. The ballroom floor was as dangerous a terrain as it had been the whole evening, but Jaskier deftly dodged those who threatened to converse with him before collapsing in the chair next to Geralt. "Finally," he sighed and gladly took the goblet his witcher handed him.

“Did you have fun, Julian?” Geralt asked him and Jaskier raised an incredulous eyebrow.

“Did I look like I was having fun?” he countered.

“I am sure there was quite a number of attendants you managed to fool.” The unspoken ‘but not me’ hang heavy in the air between them and for a moment he allowed himself to bask in the familiarity of that. Jaskier closed his eyes, the noise and smell and lights draining away with every heartbeat until he could pretend it was just the two of them in a lonely clearing, sharing a skin of sour wine. Just them, just friends, just a witcher and his bard.

The illusion was sundered all too soon by a voice they had suffered all too long for one evening already. "Good sirs, might I persuade you to make a request?” Jaskier opened his eyes again and found himself staring into the young and bright-eyed face of a bard whose hopes and dreams were surely about to be crushed. The boy smiled widely and bowed. “Along with a bit of constructive criticism, mayhaps?"

Jaskier exchanged a quick glance with Geralt and, slowly and deliberately, set down his goblet as he waited for the answer he knew would come: "You changed the lyrics," Geralt stated, "not for the better."

"And how would you know?" the bardling asked with too much enthusiasm and tilted his head to the side. He gave them both a thorough look before gasping with excitement. "Oh, I know who you are! You're the witcher, Geralt of Rivia. And you-" He turned to Jaskier and his eyes grew wide. "Master Jaskier!" He bowed deeply. "It's an honour to meet you, truly it is. I have studied all of your work, sir, I am one of your greatest admirers."

He did his best to hide his pained expression with a smile. "I fear I do not go by that name anymore. I am old and weary; it is time for the new generation to get a chance. Viscount Lettenhove, if you please."

“Of course, my lord. And, if I may be so bold: wise words, wise words indeed,” the bard preened, too caught up in his speech to notice Geralt’s elbow landing in Jaskier’s ribcage or the wheeze that escaped him at that. "Might I humbly request a piece of advice of you? It would honour me greatly, no matter—”

"You may," he interrupted him and shot a glance at Geralt. "Stop singing other people's songs."

"But-"

"Don't interrupt him," Geralt growled.

“Thank you, my witcher,” Jaskier said and twirled his goblet in his hand. “See, young man, here’s the issue: you may be a bard, might even call yourself a strolling minstrel, and yet you are living off another’s hard work. I do not begrudge you for it; repeating songs you have heard certainly is a way to make your living. Mind you, however, that a poet, a troubadour, a veritable minstrel is, first and foremost, an artist.”

“But—” the bardling laughed nervously. “But I do not paint pictures.”

“Evidently,” Geralt grumbled just as Jaskier asked: “Don’t you?” He sighed and took a sip. “I certainly did. My experiences were my canvas, my emotions my paints, my aching heart my brush. Which is why I cannot sing the songs of another. How can you aspire to give a true performance, pour your heart and soul into it, if you don't even know what you're singing? You're still young, so go out into the world while you still have the chance. See if you don't find something that's worth singing about."

"How will I know that I have found such a thing?"

"Oh,” he stared into his goblet, “you will."

"But what is it? Will my heart stop when I spot it? Will—Will I lay my life on the line for it? Is it something worth dying for?"

"No," Jaskier said softly, "your life will stop, that much is true; but it isn't something that ends so much as something that begins. You will know when you have found something worth singing about, when you find something worth living for."

Next to him, his witcher choked on his wine.

[redhawtriot]

Valentines 💕Weekend 💕(BNHA x Reader)

Part 1: TYPE

Tip Jar ☕- Not expected but always appreciated💞

I was just thinking about this as I was pumping out the matchups and I really wanted to jot them down lol 

This is just the first things that came to mind when I thought of what people they probably would gravitate towards during Valentines Day! 

Comment whose type you are! I am curious lol

HnM💕

🐒Ojirou: Deep Thinker

I can see him with someone who is really sweet and considerate.

If you say, “remember when…” and then continue to bring up a fond memory between the two of you, he would probably like that a lot. You remembered!

I feel like the poor guy just wants to make a bigger impact.

Their s/o would be the type to remind them of their worth a lot

He would really appreciate a person that would try really hard to get to know him on a different level,

“Would you rather eat 50 tiny spiders or a one big fat juicy tarantula?” He would just look at you with so much confusion but so much LOVE bc Like wtf who asks that?? but he would simultaneously get hit in the feels because you are taking time out of your day to get to know little ol him.

If you’re the type that isn’t very doting, then you’re probably not the best for him.

🎤Jirou: I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T

Wants someone independent, but also who doesn’t have a problem on depending on her.

Like do your thing and live your life, but if she sees you struggling and wants to help you, don’t you fucking dare turn her down.

She would most definitely love it if you were a musician, however If you are not but are interested in music, I could see the two of you having dates with each other where she would teach you how to play guitar.

She needs someone who isn’t too sexual. I feel like she would get annoyed with someone who wanted to have sex every day.

She would much rather spend her time just chilling out with you—existing within each other’s spaces.

If you’re the type that needs constant attention from your s/o when you’re with them, then she prolly isn’t for you.

🥦Midoriya: “I ain’t got no Type”

He is literally a walking, talking puppy dog. He would pretty much like anyone who has well-meaning motives and admirable goals.

You’re loud? Okay you must just be passionate.

You’re quiet? Okay you’re prolly just very pensive

I feel like he is the type that can fall in love with multiple types of people, but they would all have to be the kind of person that makes the first move because woo, chile… he is a nervous wreck. He would probably have an aneurysm in the midst of trying to ask you out, so just take the pressure off of the poor cinnamon roll and do it yourself.

If you’re not the type that likes chasing and would rather be chased, he isn’t for you.

Also get ready to talk about your problems because he is a Cancer and most definitely is willing to deal with emotions.

🐸Tsuyu: Logical

She would certainly like someone who is calm. Bakugou gets on her fucking nerves I can just tell lol.

You can have passion and determination for sure, but she would rather be with someone who carries those attributes quietly, with purpose, rather than boastful.

Like with Jirou, she would probably need someone who would just be okay with existing around each other.

You gotta be okay with her blunt nature.

If you are very sensitive to how people word things to you, and would rather have someone sugarcoat, then she ain’t the one for you, dawg.

💥Bakugou: Ballsy/Not a waste of space

You would have to be persistent as hell to wear down his walls, but not too overbearing or needy. Little things you would do here and there would add up

You would have to solidify yourself as an equal to him as well.

He probably would get annoyed as fuck if you were shy or timid or anything else that he would associate with weakness.

You would have be a person who has their shit together enough to have drive. You gotta have goals in mind and actually be working toward them. He don’t want no scrubs.

I think he would be the type of person to be protective over you, but that certainly doesn’t mean he wants a damsel in distress. You have to be able to hold your own, academically, physically and all.

(Literally just Kirishima whoops)

If you are the type of person who cant speak their mind and is overall nervous or timid you ain’t the one for him.

🏃🏻 Iida: Horse Girl/Guy

He would want someone who is on the same wavelength as him (Lets keep in mind that the wavelength is very hard to come by so he would eventually change his expectations)

He would love if his s/o was as driven as him and held very strong morals.

If you are the kind of person that works out everyday and has a strict diet or color codes your notes and make your own yearly planner or get on Pinterest for room ideas and have a bulletin board in your room with your schedule HAVE I GOT SOME NEWS FOR YOU.

I also feel like he would like horse girls/guys (horse people???) for some reason…

If you’re unnecessarily brash or overconfident or rude you are not the one for him.

😷Shoji: Plain Jane

He probably would want someone who isn’t very chatty, however if you talk a lot, that isn’t a total turn off. He would just want every conversation to have a deeper meaning behind it.

He is also a minimalist so if you are the kind of person who hoards things, you might have to change your lifestyle a bit to be with him.

If you ask questions like, “what is your plan for the zombie apocalypse,” he would certainly entertain this idea and go along with it, trying his best to give you a full, thoughtful answer, but don’t try to make meaningless small talk with him

Also be okay with just existing with each other rather than going out on dates.

If you are extravagant and extra tm then he aint the one for you chief.

😈Tokoyami: Edge Lord

You have to be the kind of person that is okay with his self-deprecation.

You two would make very dark jokes together probably.

If you have ever threatened to gouge your own eyes out or jump off a McDonalds sign to your death Im lookin at you.

Obviously its all jokes—a release to your perpetual state of existentialism.

You would also have to be the person that makes the first move. He would probably get a hint and close the space in between the two of you unlike Midoriya but he would most definitely still need you to make the first move.

He would love it if the two of you could just existent near one another, but would also be understanding if you needed more attention. He would find a happy medium by reading some poetry books aloud to you while you're cuddled up.

👀 Koda: A Soft Boss

You would have to be patient—he has a lot of reservations over pretty much everything.

So he needs someone to be more in charge in the relationship to pull him out of his comfort zone a little.

You have to be okay with being the one in the relationship to kill all of the house spiders (actually probably not kill—more like catch and release)

👣Hagakure: Preppy

You would have to be on pretty much the same vibe as her—energetic, upbeat and unafraid to speak your mind.

She likes people who are overall positive (girl, honestly, idk what else to put for her ass)

🦈Kirishima: One of the Dudes

Manly

You would have to make it very obvious that you were into him. He has a lot of things going on in the little brain of his, so a crush would probably fly over his head. He would just think that he admires you because you're so awesome.

The fact that he wants to hold you would translate into “I wanna arm wrestle them”

The fact that he wants to take you out on dates would turn into, “I want to hang out with my bro.”

You would practically have to scream at him that you wanted him to be more than friends. The friend zone is pretty much an inescapable abyss with this one, so you would have to try extra hard.

If you are the type of person that can sit through hours of action movies and still get pumped during the twelfth high speed chase scene, this might just be your mans.

If you don’t mind him being completely ignorant to your romantic needs at times and you basically just being best friends in your relationship then this might be the man for you.

If you have a habit of lying or a vindictive nature then he isn’t the one for you.

❄️🔥Todoroki: A Therapist

I could see him being with multiple different personalities since he is overall confused with human interaction. I feel like he would be willing to get to know anyone.

You gotta be patient with him though since he takes everything so literal (If you live off sarcasm then it will be super difficult for you)

He would like someone who is very understanding

A good listener, but also can give good feedback.

If you're the kind of person that gets uncomfortable with oversharing or can’t handle when people come to you with their problems all the time he ain’t the one for you.

🎹Yaoyorozu: Cheer-leading Captain

Someone to hype her up, but also lead.

She would certainly certainly be attracted to someone that is of a type A personality. She admires people who are driven and successful, so as long as she sees that you are putting in effort and have a strong sense of determination you're good!

This girl doubts herself so much, so you have to be willing to spend your time hyping her up.

Be willing to try 50 different types of tea.

She would certainly want to go out on dates all of the time, so if you are more of a home body she aint the one.

⚡️Kaminari: Mean Girl/guy

Literally anyone who will give him the time of day, but this boy loves a challenge.

If you are the standoffish, sarcastic, vindictive type then this might be your mans.

He loves rough banter and would totally be the type to pick on you just to see your adorable angry face. He thinks that it ‘spices things up’.

Probably into the more sensual typee of person as well (if you consider yourself a man-eater he would literally fall in love so quickly so be gentle okay? Don’t hurt our pikachu)

I feel like he’s the type of person that would ask you to “Yaaas! Please stomp on my face, kween”

Bonus points if your last name ends in an ‘o’ sound (shinsou, bakugou, jirou, ashido)

He is the type to want to show you off to everyone so if you’re the bashful or timid type then he might not be the one for you.

Mineta: Ew

Moving on… Nothing to see here folks.

🐷Ashido: Two halfs of a Whole Idiot

 Needs someone who will hype her up.

You would certainly have to be the one to sweep her off of her feet because I feel like she is so friendly that she just might accidentally friend-zone you without even knowing it.

If you quote vine/tiktoc daily then I am looking at you.

You would probably also live on social media so I could see the two of you being that cute couple on YouTube or Instagram that does silly/sweet things with one another. 

If you have a problem with a very loud, obvious relationship then she prolly isn't the one for you. 

😴Shinsou: The Mom Friend

He probably wouldn't enjoy someone who was constantly in his face (although if he did end up with someone like this it would be hella slow-burn-- an acquired taste if you will)

He would probably gravitate toward someone who calmly checks up on him and who he could lean on to give him motivational speeches. 

This boy is low-key emotional and has low self esteem, so if you are good at reaching through to him then he would certainly fall for you. 

I think that he would be the type to eventually become very affectionate and want to take you out on hella dates to (passively) show you off to the world.

If you are hyperactive and loud that might make him close himself off before you can break his emotional wall, so he might not be the one for you.

✨Aoyama: Ego Booster/Ballerina

someone who will believe in him and compliment him (or even just acknowledge his existence actually)

I could totally see him dating a ballerina, because he would be so enamored by their majesty. 

Like he finally found someone as magnifique as him, wow. 

You would have to be the type of person that is okay with very forward advances. 

Like get prepared for “will you go out with me?” spelled in cheese by your front door. 

If you cant handle people who chase this hard, then he might not be the one for you. 

🎞Sero: Not the Sharpest Tool in the Shed

He is idiot sexual and no one can change my mind

If you find yourself searching your kitchen every five minutes to check if there is new food, walking into a room of your friends to annoy them for five minutes before leaving, or have a album in your phone with over 1,000 reaction pics, I am lookin at youuuuu!

He would most definitely be the person to chase, but he would do it very carefully to test the waters.

He wouldn't chase too hard, so if his advancements would go over your head the first time you're in trouble!

☁️Uraraka: Girl/Boy Next Door

She would fall for a sweet guy/girl. 

they would have to be an overall, kind spirit, but still have great goals.

If you're the type of person that can goes “Oh look at the moon!” and then ends up talking about a random topic like Bigfoot or aliens while looking at the stars, I could see her falling for you.

More than anything I feel like she admires driven people, so if you have shaky or unsure morals or goals, she probably isnt the one for you.

[ziracona]

Friendship headcanons between Anna and Quentin’s dad? Maybe Nacy too.

For sure! Love their weird awkward relationship.

So, it’s weird for Alan. Like, really weird. Like, can you imagine being him and your poor kid comes home traumatized as fuck after 9 years and he’s got a feral Russian bear woman who is his surrogate mom now in tow?

Obviously, Alan is very stressed about the potential of anything happening to Quentin again, so even knowing the situation, Anna is kind of a source of stress at first. It’s important to Quentin though, so he goes with it and tries to be supportive. It isn’t until about a month after Anna is released from the rehabilitation facility that he is truly at peace about it though. But it happens. There’s a night where Quentin falls asleep on the couch watching a movie, and they don’t notice until it ends. Alan decides to let him sleep there in peace for a bit before waking him up to go sleep in his bed, and is putting up dishes from supper, when he sees Anna carefully putting a blanket over Quentin and stroking his head twice before smiling and leaving him to sleep too, warm now, and he just kind of forgets what he was doing becuase he never quite really truly believed Anna was just selflessly and genuinely invested in his kid’s happiness, but there’s no one there to see, no consciousness for Quentin to appreciate the gesture, and he smiles, because it’s such a relief, and it’s sweet, and he wished Quentin’s mom had lived longer, wished he’d found someone else to be a mom for the kid growing up, and he’s deeply happy he’s got one now.

Anna doesn’t really know what to do with Alan at first either. Like, she gets that ‘Dad’ is the man counterpart to ‘Mama,’ but since hers was dead before she was old enough to remember, she doesn’t really know what that looks like, and never thought about it before. At first is kind of tentatively curious if this means they’re rivals, and she should be jealous of him. Alan never once seems to view their relationships to Quentin that way though, so thank god it never turns into a competition. She’s not sure what it is though, when she realizes it’s not that. So mostly she just tries to give him space and not cause confrontation between them out of respect for Quentin. She notices how good he is to Quentin though, and a few weeks before Alan really gets the same read on her, and kind of softens a little and decides he’s okay. Then suddenly a month in, Alan is more open towards her and starts interacting with her intentionally, even when no Quentin is there at present as an ice breaker. It is super awkward for them both, and they haven’t got a clue how to act towards each other, but they’re both slightly interested in trying, and it works. Alan asks her the morning after he realizes she’s okay if she wants to learn how to make muffins, since she’s sitting at the table watching him cook with a look like a cat has when it sees a new small rodent for the first time, and Anna really does. She is fascinated by all the tricks to tastes there are, and the wild variety of foods she had no idea could exist. At first she’s like “Me?” And very confused by this change in attitude, but he’s nice to her and it’s fun and the food is good, so she enjoys it, and accepts without reservation when he offers another lesson at lunch. This is how their relationship begins: Alan asking her if she wants to learn how to cook various things. Sometimes Nancy and or Quentin joins in, or anyone else in the house. And it’s fun. Anna never looked at food prep as anything but a survival necessity, but there’s a day two months in where she’s covered in flour making shortbread cookies with Alan and Nancy and Quentin, listening to music and people laughing and singing along, and she realizes lots of humans make all kinds of mundane acts into fun activities. And she really likes that. : )

Anna tries to reciprocate Alan’s gestures of goodwill by offering to teach him to hunt, which Alan refuses politiely because he has no idea what he’d do with hatchet throwing and animal tracking skills, but he immediately sees how hurt and insulted and wounded to her core that makes Anna and covers it with a “I mean—I would love to, but I’m just not sure I could have the skills at my age. I’m so old I might be hopeless to teach.” And Anna goes from :’-( to : D instantly and is like “No, no! Not too late—I show you. Many skills very easy to learn basics of. I am good teacher. Can teach even you, I am sure.” And is exceedingly enthusiastic teaching him basic tracking skills the next morning. It’s uh. It’s an awkward walk through a nearby park for Alan at 6AM, with Anna kneeling like fkn Aragorn to listen to the ground or touch dog tracks and sniff things while pointing out valuable intel, but he is duly attentive and awed by her skills, and takes his lesson like a champ, and it’s actually pretty fascinating stuff once you get past the “Wtf is happening” looks you’re getting from every early morning dog walker and jogger going past.

Alan picks up pretty fast that since Anna has almost no social experience, she tends to take social cues from those around her (like trading skills to make friends, or trading gifts with Min & Quentin), and is more careful how he approaches stuff. That also makes him like Anna a lot more, because it’s so sincere and she’s so truly giving all of this her best. He starts a tradition of going back and forth on who picks an activity that interests them to try to give her a chance to branch out and see more of the modern world. Greatly enjoys seeing how much she is excited and fascinated by like, everything. Anna is so mind blown the first time Nancy suggests they hit an Aquarium that it takes 4 times as long as normal to get through, becuase she can’t stop getting lost in the sight of every exhibit. Anna meanwhile notices pretty quick how watchful Alan is and how protective whenever he’s out with Quentin, although he tries to keep Quentin from noticing it too much, and she is very happy about this. Important for parents to be good protectors, especially with Quentin’s luck.

It takes Anna a while to quite get Nancy and Quentin’s relationship, but she decides after much deliberation that she approves and it’s cute. She likes how attentive Nancy is, and how quiet she can be. Thinks she would make a good hunter with skills like that. Is also very aware how much happier Quentin is around her. Decides this makes her a daughter too, and happily welcomes her into the fold. After Nancy realizes this, it kind of breaks her for a while, because she still misses her own mom so, so much. The first time Anna gives her a hug to comfort her about something so much more mundane—just a twisted ankle on a hike, she has a breakdown and can’t stop silently crying into her chest, becuase she still has an open wound in her heart where her mom is concerned. Anna isn’t a replacement, but she is a balm, and it helps. It really does, to have a big self-determined second mom hug you even when she doesn’t understand until you’ve cried all the tears you had, and still be waiting there with patience to hold you through more, and whispered comforts and strong arms around your back. Nancy gets her stuff for the next Mother’s Day, and it almost breaks her heart to have someone to shop for again, but she’s happier too, because it’s a comfort to know another one could love her too, and by choice. She’s had so much guilt over her mom’s death, sometimes she’s wondered if she never deserved to have one love her at all, no matter how much she knows her mom would never want her to think like that. It weirdly helps her talk more about her own mom again, especially to Quentin, who, while he barely remembers his mom, has some small idea how it all feels. She’s able to dig out a lot of the memories of Gwen Holbrook she couldn’t bear to look at for a long time, and forgive herself a little more. And able to make some new memories with Anna and Quentin and Alan she thinks her mom will be happy to hear about someday.

It wasn’t like that at first, though. Nancy is one of the few people who weren’t in the realm who has almost no issue adjusting to Anna, but she had some right at the start. She’s super wary the like, first couple days, because she has mountains worth of PTSD specifically centered around pseudo parental figures and people killing Quentin, but she’s observant as hell, and after watching Anna bodyslam Michael Myers through a wall on first meeting becuase she misconstrued his asshole big brother lifestyle choice of picking Quentin up by his collar for no reason other than easy and fun to push him around as an act of war, she realizes she truly has nothing to worry about, and Anna is an ally in arms when it comes to keeping the guy she loves alive.

Anna is extremely impressed with both Alan and Nancy for their roles in killing Freddy, and this is a massive affinity boost. She thinks Nancy is a little wolf of a girl in the best possible way, and approves of her level of dangerous greatly.

While Alan has no romantic feelings for Anna, it’s really nice to have a woman in the house again—it’s kind of nostalgic, jus to hear her singing sometimes and such. He offers to take her shopping for clothes and accessories becuase he remembers some of the places his wife especially loved, and it makes him sad and happy to be able to put that old treasured remnant of someone beloved to him to good use again. Anna really loves a couple of the same spots, especially a tiny handmade jewelry from gemstones shop, and it hurts but in a good way to have a reason to go there again.

Anna is exceedingly jealous of the photo of Quentin’s mom over the fireplace for like, a year and a half after she realizes who she is. It’s kind of funny. I mean, she’s dead. There is no threat. But Anna despises it and it takes all the willpower she has not to go hide it in a drawer somewhere.

That is until almost two years in when she wakes up early to weird noise and comes down to see Alan has the photo with him at the table, and a little setup with flowers and candles and objects she doesn’t recognize, and he’s crying. It isn’t until that night when she asks Quentin that she finds out it’s the anniversary of his mom’s death that day, but as soon as she sees Alan and the setup, she feels bad, and the anger and jealousy goes away, becuase she remembers feeling exactly that way for years and years at the sight of the portrait of her mother, and still now at the thought of it. The jealousy does not come back.

Alan, Nancy, Quentin, and Anna hang out a lot, and with Feng, Nea, and Ace, or Philip and Claudette a lot too. At a point, Alan starts reaching a “Okay you stay here with the kids and I’ll go grab tickets” kind of tag-team responsibility with Anna, and Anna thinks this is fun, and is immensely pleased with this new role of responsibility partnership. She begins doing the same with him, and likes being partner protectors of the group. She’s wanted to find a family again her whole life, and finally found it now after all these years, but she’s found more than that too; she’s found community, and she never had that before, so she didn’t know to miss it or seek it out or even that it was a thing to want, but now that she has it, she’s so much more happy and content and proud than she’s ever been.

[brideofcthulhu10]

Hey guys I'm gonna be out and about today but before I go out to town I thought I leave you with some little Laddie Headcanons! A special thank you to my co-writer @imlostinsantacarla !

Laddie Headcanons

Unfortunately, Laddie was a part of a home in which a divorce was in the process of being filed. There was an immense amount of tension in the family dynamic whilst his father and mother sought to gain custody of him individually as they were in the midst of a messy breakup. The young child’s grandparents were aiding his father in filing for custody over him as his mother was hell bent on having sole custody without any visitation rights.

It’s well known that Laddie’s face was on a milk carton in the movie, with the word ‘MISSING’ written above it. This is just primarily speculation, of course. However, why else would two parents who didn't care about their child put up missing person’s posters everywhere? It’s certainly obvious that his parents were deeply troubled and affected by their son going missing, in conjunction with being apprehensive over his safety as they had no idea where he was.

Whilst his father was attempting to gain custody of him with his grandparents' help, Laddie’s mother lost him one night whilst on the BoardWalk too busy getting drunk at a bar, which is how and where the boys found him. He was all on his lonesome, wandering the BoardWalk terrified. The sight sincerely pulled on their heart strings. Seeing a little kid lost in the dead of night searching for his mother desperately just did not sit well with them.

Armed with the knowledge that their fellow sister Star was having second thoughts over their lifestyle, David immediately took the initiative to coax Laddie into drinking his blood and turning into one of them. This was not only to provide the child with a home, but also a strategy put in place to keep Star close and have her fully commit to their way of life as vampires. After all, girls love kids, don’t they? Surely her maternal or big sisterly instincts would kick in and provide her with the drive to become a caring figure for the young boy whilst solidifying her place in their group. She’d already agreed to the terms, there was no backing out now!

The other boys come to a conclusion of agreement that this is the best option as they cared about Star immensely, least enough to put up a fight when she was considering leaving, and they could not just let a poor boy stay out on the streets with nothing. There was a high likelihood of him getting kidnapped, murdered or something far, far worse whilst he was out there on his own. So they made the collective decision to take him under their wings and into their home, promising him that he would always remain safe with them.

Graciously, as if it were a match truly made in Heaven, Laddie and Star got on swell. The wee boy clung onto her desperately as she truly did remind him of his own mother and how she once was when she was with his dad. Star also bears a resemblance to his mother physically, ensuring that Laddie would bond with her much easier. The boys could not have been more happier and celebrated their success.

And thus it was settled! The boys took Laddie to the hotel and turned him, buttering him up a little in order over the next several to gain his trust and comfort.

"So, Laddie, you like it here?” David smirked at the young boy sat on the edge of the fountain in the hotel.

“Yeah it’s super cool!” He beamed enthusiastically, dangling his little legs off the edge and swinging them back and forth, they barely even hit the ground.

"Would you stay forever?" David pressed further, blonde brow quirked up in intrigue.

"Can I?!" Laddie exclaimed with an enormous grin plastered on his childish countenance.

"Hell yeah little dude! We even have a pretty, cool big sister for you!" Paul interjected just as happily, patting the tiny guy on the shoulder.

"Really?!"

"Mhm," Dwayne added, "and you can play every night."

"And you can eat as much as you want without getting sick, dude!" Marko declared.

"So, Laddie, what do you say?" David asked, head cocked to the side as he watched the little runts eyes float from face to face.

He sits still for a moment... "Hell yeah!"

The guys cheered excitedly, Marko handing David some fancy looking bottle, who in turn passed it to Laddie. "All you gotta do now, is drink this."

"It smells funny. What is it?"

"Old grape juice."

All the while, when Laddie is missing, his mother is struck with excruciating bouts of grief and shame, and attempts to get herself into a better space. Overcoming the worry and guilt that she feels over losing her son through alcohol, drugs, whatever it was that had caused her to lose her son on the BoardWalk that night, is an incredible challenge. She felt she had let her son down as well as her previous marriage. It only spurs on Laddie’s father to find him and gain total custody of the boy.

Living with four rambunctious teenage boys is a handful in itself, so it’s not a wonder that Laddie swears like a sailor, a terrible habit he picked up from the boys. Yet his one sister attempted profusely to set a better example for him. David and Paul find it hilarious that Laddie has a filthy potty mouth, whereas Dwayne and Star aren’t a fan of his newfound language.

“Hey, watch your language, bud.” Dwayne states sternly, chocolate orbs glowering into Laddie’s smaller ones.

“Pussy!” Paul bursts out in between a false coughing fit.

Laddie truly adores reading comic books frequently. In fact, the Frog brothers knew Laddie far before they knew the Emerson’s, they just didn’t acknowledge the kid all that much since he was far younger than them. This was especially since they were far too engrossed in blabbering about vampires, their investment in their own stuff made it impossible for them to give an ounce of attention to him. In their eyes he was always just the little twerp that stood on his tiptoes at the counter in their parents store, sprinkling dollar bills on top of a fat stack of mad magazine, Batman, and secretly some horror comics stuffed underneath the other ones he’d picked out.

“ 'Scuse me, can I get these," Laddie inquired politely, his eyes peering up at the two brothers behind the counter arguing over what the best way to waste a vampire was.

“Uh, yeah sure kid, whatever.” Alan stated fervently, his eyes still plastered on his brother's brooding gaze.

Edgar stuffed them into a plastic bag without sparing the kid a glance. “$15.75.”

“Okay.” Laddie stated in defeat before scooting over a wadded up ball of a $20 bill onto the counter before collecting his change and leaving with his head hung low.

Laddie is still a sucker for comics and wants new ones on a constant basis, it’s certainly something that aids him in passing the time at the hotel. Yet Paul’s adamant that he isn’t going to pay those dorks at the comic book store a single cent from his pocket. And David is a master at mental illusions, so there is one hell of a team to concoct a way to steal comic books. Neither Paul nor David feel any shame in it. David will create the illusion that Paul is walking by the store, only to actually be stealing a stack of comics to keep the poor kid happy.

Star and her inability to part with her human nature and high morals, is never too thrilled about the entire ordeal of stealing comics for Laddie. Laddie sees nothing wrong with it and only responds with utter enthusiasm at how awesome Paul is because Paul can do whatever he wants! This leads to Laddie following in the footsteps of the other boys, believing that he can both take and have whatever he wants, whenever he wants it no matter if there’s real life consequences involved because he can use his gifts (with training from David) to acquire all of his desires.

It’s also a common occurrence for Laddie to experience homesickness; after all, he misses his parents dearly because even though they weren’t the most astounding or perfection parents, they were still his parents. When this occurs, he’ll often seek out Dwayne or Star for comfort, sitting beside them, perched into their sides. They will attentively listen to him, reminding him of how much they themselves and the other boys love him and how they aren’t going anywhere. They all will be together forever. They’d even let him know that his parents and grandparents still love him too, even if he has a new family now.

Laddie unfortunately had to learn the hard way not to go to David about this specific predicament, because whenever he did, David would unintentionally guilt trip the kid about missing his parents. It wasn’t something he meant to do, it was just that David had never really had a home or a family that cared about him, his world before being a vampire was a dog eat dog world. You had to fend for yourself and choose your family. Even then he’d seen people get chewed out for trusting the wrong folks. So there’s a huge disconnection between the pair when it comes to familial things.

Whereas Marko and Paul will do things that will take Laddie’s mind right off of the down parts of being a missing child. They’ll happily play with him, get him his favorite food, read comics with him, steal said comics from the comic book store, maybe even let him help them tinker on their bikes, blast some gnarly music, you name it! They’re prepared to go all out in helping him feel happier where he is in the present and understand that he has a place with them.

Now, as for Laddie’s tantrums… well, every child has them. Usually they tend to be pretty humorous to Paul, Marko and David- that is until something happens to their precious stuff. To be fair he is an eight year old boy, of course he wants to mess with Paul’s Walkman or Marko’s bike keys! Paul nearly had an aneurysm when he saw Laddie accidentally ripped his mint condition 1965 Playboy Magazine.

"Dude who the fuck- my fuckin- WHAT THE FUCK MAN?!"

Laddie, who had been a bit spoilt from months of pampering from a group of enabling teenagers, showed minimal signs of remorse. "They were ugly anyway, she hand on granny panties or something."

Dwayne had to step in and hold Paul back from wringing the kids neck out like a wet dish towel!  "Dude, Paul he's a kid"

"I will eat you, you little turd!"

Once again, David cracks up frequently until Laddie begins to delve into his stuff also. It all began when he wanted to go for a ride and David being the more lazy member of the group had turned him down, especially in a much firmer tone the second time around. So what did the little shit do? Hide all of their keys to their bikes.

"Dude, where are my fuckin' keys," Paul hissed, digging through the cave like a tornado went through the damn thing. 

"Yours too?" Marko exclaimed his question, settling down the couch he had lifted onto the ground. “Mine vanished.”

David chuckled to himself, that was until he patted his pocket where his precious motorcycle keys had suddenly proved to be void of its contents. "Alright which one of you assholes stole my keys?!"

However that confrontation ignited an inferno of a tantrum from the small boy, who was so used to suddenly getting his way and now he was faced with the harsh reality of being told no. The boys should have really thought twice of enabling an eight year old boy! A fit from a kid can get ugly real quick, yet it’s a whole different story when that kid is an emotional half vampire that flips tables and screams at such a volume and octave that glass cracks. Star tends to primarily be a softer disciplinarian, she isn’t fond of the idea of yelling or smacking him, she’s much too gentle for that. Dwayne on the other hand, while preferring to approach things along the placid route, feels that sometimes it’s a necessary evil- while David just straight up thinks that a good smack on the mouth ought to settle him down.

Laddie is a thorn in their asses when he’s bored out of his mind, and the boys learned rather harshly and swiftly that having a little brother was not as fun as the Brady Bunch had it appear. This kid got into all their stuff, no matter how fool proof they made it, the kid always found a way! He would follow them excessively around the cave like a lost puppy, tell them the same story for HOURS on end, ask far too many questions that Marko would just blank the kid out with his music, only for Laddie to talk even louder! It was more than evident that the child had little concern over the fact that they were killers, he’d still happily pester them until they vamped out. In fact, he went out of his way to do that! The crazy little shit…

Laddie would climb on top of one of the many dust caked couches in the hotel right next to where David was reading and peek over his shoulder to get a noseful of whatever he was focused on. "Whatcha reading?" Laddie asked innocently, chin resting on the blonde vampires shoulder.

"....War and peace." David grumbled irately.

"What's that? It's big! It looks boring! Why are the words so tiny? What's it about? Who's the hero? Who's your favorite hero? Mine's batman! Well, I like Iron Man too but Batman has all the gadgets and stuff, and I like his cape but I guess you don't need a cape to be cool, but I like the cape anyway- I like Superman's cuz it's red, red's my favorite color. What's your favorite color? Well I mean red's super cool- oh but black! Black is really cool, i guess you probably like black too huh? I mean you wear it all the time, but really maybe it's cuz-" he had blabbered all of that out in one go without so much as a breath in between his sentences! And David selfishly wondered what the repercussions were on if he flew the kid onto a random cliff and left him there for several hours. He knew it probably couldn’t be good, but it was worth a try if he was ever going to catch a break and get this book finished! Not to mention the countless times that Paul’s thrown into the mix of things, David can’t stomach it and leaves the room because he can’t handle two obnoxious chatter boxes all at once. Star yelled at him once for hypnotizing Laddie to fall asleep because he wouldn't stop talking about Batman and Robin.

It’s obvious that Laddie tends to ride with Dwayne, and it’s because Dwayne is capable of ensuring that Laddie stays in one piece. If the kid had his way and rode with Paul… let’s just say that Laddie would be smeared road kill! And frankly, none of the other vampires trust Paul with the kid. Last time he rode with Paul, he was nearly flung forward when he went off of a steep ramp. Star almost slapped the smirk straight off of Paul’s face! Even Marko thought it was a bad move of Paul’s. So, it was a collective decision - minus Paul’s whining and bitching, in conjunction with Laddie’s pouting - that Laddie rode with Dwayne from now on.

When the boys were killed off one by one, Laddie was the only one who was saddened by this, because he had formed genuine bonds with his older brothers and even though they weren’t perfect, they’d kept their word to him and kept him safe. He was going to miss Paul and Marko playing with him and teaching him cool stuff about bikes and rock n’ roll. He’d even miss David and the way the man got irritated whenever he flitted about him. But the one he was surely going to miss the most was obviously Dwayne. Dwayne was like the older brother that Laddie had dreamed of ever since he was a kid. Dwayne had taken him under his wing and ensured that no one messed with him. He listened to him whenever he was homesick and was always super patient with him and just all around compassionate. Out of all of the boys, Laddie related to him the most. And now he was gone. Though each boy held a special place in his heart. As he left the Emmerson residence, he didn’t have the stomach to look at their dead bodies as he sniffled on his way out, tears streaming down his face. Although they hadn’t been the best to Star and sometimes weren’t the kindest to him, he knew that they had loved the pair of them and deep down, Laddie would always love them.

After the entire ordeal, Laddie decided he’d set foot on finding his parents again and sadly left Star behind. She reminded him a lot of the boys and she would always have a special place in his heart. Before he left he hugged the life out of her, staining her gypsy purple skirt with his tears as he thanked her for loving him and taking such good care of him. He promised her that he’d never forget her and he hoped she never would forget him. Star was heartbroken but also knew that it was best for Laddie to return to his parents and live his life out normally. She hoped he’d grow up to be everything wonderful in life and she assured him that he would remain important and ever present in her gentle heart. A long way down the line they met each other again and embraced like close siblings that hadn’t seen each other in centuries. They were much older now and wiser.

But back to the present, Laddie stumbled upon his mother on the BoardWalk that night, as though it were a miracle. The woman looked strikingly similar to Star, she was the woman that he had remembered from earlier on in his childhood, and he was truly overcome with joy. He got to see his father again which made him happy also. Although his parents couldn’t work things out, they managed to come to a steady agreement that they would have equal joint custody of Laddie, which was something that made things easier on him to adjust back to ordinary life. However, whilst he was missing, his beloved grandparents passed away, never having lost hope in Laddie being alive and returning home someday. Laddie missed them dearly but he adjusted as best as he could to his brand new life. He was never really the same after being with the boys and Star and losing them all, his parents were aware of the change but Laddie never discussed what had happened to him, only responding in vague statements or exclamations.

Somehow though, he found a way to keep in touch with Star, Michael, Lucy, Sam and the Frog brothers. They were all connected through these twisted and sad chain of events, and his bonds with them only deepened as he got older. Even Though they had remained adrift in life, Star, Sam, Lucy and Michael showed up for Laddie's graduation when he finally got through high school. Even still he remained in Santa Carla up until his graduation dinner out with the Emmersons, Star and even the Frog Brothers had shown up. Wandering for a moment on his own, his pace slowed until he came to a haunting stop.

Just beyond the tilt-a whirl, outside the arcade, he swore, parked on the boardwalk he could see a group of biker boys. As the 80s peeled away into the wild teenage rebellion of the 90s, their styles had altered. A blonde still sported a wild lion's mane, another had messy curls grown out. The platinum blonde one was the first to alert the other three of Laddie's gaze. The four grunge rockers sported bizarrely skeletal motorcycles, laughing with each other, now carrying mischievous smiles. Before he could even confirm the haunting visage of said familiar faces they vanished in a flurry of roaring engines. The last to leave looked at him with dark, haunting brown eyes. He could see under the guy's leather jacket and torn up Nirvana t-shirt jagged scar tissue around each of his limbs faded into bronze skin. They just looked at each other for what felt like a lifetime, and a wave of chills trickled down his back. The raven haired biker smirked at him, no malice in his grin. Only a soft farewell, proud even. And then he was gone. Laddie managed to take a deep breath in, silently turning on his heel to return to Star and Michael at the diner. When he got home he was applying to a few out of city colleges, somewhere away from his past.

[theinvisibledreamergirl]

Chap. 1: “The Beginning of Everything”

————————————

3 years ago: 14th of September 2017

“Happy birthday to you!

Happy birthday to you!

Happy birthday to my gem!

Happy birthday to you!”

His soft and playful voice made her giggle when he did an impression of a birthday wish because she knew that he hated to say it out loud.

“Thank you Mr. Standall.” She kissed his lips slowly not letting a yawn to break this blissful moment. “And that was a very good impression on how boyfriends want to make surprises to their girls.” She giggled while tracing with her right palm his grown beard that made her weak whenever it scratched.

“And I’m glad that made you smile.” He gave her a peck on her forehead while smiling aback.

“You always make me happy like no one else.”She said it in full acknowledgment and wrapped her arms around his neck, giving that sympathetic look that Alex knew too well. Whenever those words fell from her lips, he knew that she would get teary so he tried to lighten up the mood.

“Whoa Miss Craig, we haven’t still arrived to the part of being emotional.” He cupped her cheeks in full adoration. “And I haven’t brought your breakfast here yet so…” He got up from their bed while she was admiring at his sculpted body only in his underwear and was catching her lower lip thinking how handsome he was. He wore his shorts while doing another mimic of her while biting her lip knowing she had a soft spot. “Oh Al you’re so fucking handsome ma-”

Before he would finish the sentence, was met with a pillow on his face and a stern voice. “Get my breakfast here ‘cause I don’t want to die hungry.”

“Your wish is my command, my lady.” He chuckled before bowed down while she was laughing at his poor attempt to be look like a 18th century gentleman but she didn’t care that much. Because her heart was so full and couldn’t be more thankful that he was by her side.

Present day: 14th of September 2020

She woke up from the irritating alarm of her iPhone while groaning loudly. She felt her body sweating on her sheets and knew that the dreams were still appearing in the middle of the night and were not giving her the peace she wanted. She had only been one week in Boston and was hating this city already. Crowded, disorganised, dirty and was nothing compared with Brighton or Washington. Even the great buildings that surrounded didn’t give her a slight awesomeness and rolled her eyes while some tourists were looking wonderfully and snapping selfies. It was 5 AM. She had a bad habit to wake up early in order to work out outside in the nature. Or better saying- somewhere far away from the flowers or trees that gave her allergies even though it was the fall season. But first she needed to change quickly her wet clothes before getting a cold. When she got up from her bed, was met with a wiggling tail and a huffing sound of her best friend- Jonah.

“Hey good morning buddy!” She kneeled down to him while he was licking her hands. “Yup we’re going outside but first mama needs a shower okay?” She kissed his head when he jumped on her bed waiting impatiently for his owner to finish.

She stripped off her clothes and didn’t want to give a spare glance to the scars in her forearms if she didn’t want to experience another breakdown. The warm temperature of the water cascading down her body was everything she needed and let out a content sigh. She mocked at her anti-grease shampoo for keeping her hair done only in two days.

“Bloody shampoos.”

She carefully rubbed the cores of her forearms with her sponge not letting to fall a single drop of blood while wincing. It was such annoying to wait for another year until they were regenerated completely and if not, she needed to undergo a plastic surgery in which she was worried about it.

This day was slightly different from what she’d been used to. It was her first day of work at a hospital after graduating with excellent grades from University College London and got an alumni award for her outstanding performance in saving five people’s lives (including her professor Dr. Sarah Bennett) doing solo operations without the practice and the leadership of an attending. And that’s why she chose Edenbrook Hospital but- with a bit lateness.

It was only three days ago that she got the acceptance e-mail from nonetheless the well known and the most respected diagnostician in the whole country Dr. Naveen Banerji. The reason was that she spent her summer holidays in Italy and wasn’t sure if she was ready to go back in USA almost four years after her parents died. But mostly she still was on search for the truth behind her grandmother’s unexpected death- Daisy Ahmad. A quest in which she hadn’t solved the mystery behind of it.

While putting on her Nike sneakers she took a brief look at the clock on the wall- 5:15 AM. She still had time until 7 AM to catch up for work so she whistled to the husky dog letting him know that they were ready to go- or not until she straightened up her back and raised her eyebrows while looking at the mirror.

“Mirror mirror on the wall, tell me... who’s the most badass woman here?” She chuckled at her poor joke. “Of course it’s me. Right Jonah?” He barked in approval tilting his head, showing his blue sky eyes to his owner’s. “That’s my boy.”

The hangout consisted of walking firstly, because Jonah always came the first into their priorities and sometimes she would call him the King Jonah I and if he would have children she’ll gladly call them Jonah II or JJ. Secondly, it was playing with him and doing some exercises to train him with what she had read in a recent book about huskies. Lastly, it was time for her to put her headphones on and listening to the great Arctic Monkeys band while running for an hour without breaks to the asphalt coastline. And Jonah was more than happy to follow his owner wherever she went.

Annoyed, after finishing her run, she totally forgot that she took a shower already but thankfully her hair was tied up in a ponytail so her tendrils weren’t at least wet. “We got sweaty again buddy huh?”

6:37 AM.

They finally made it back at her apartment and greeted the receptionist Billy for taking the morning shift. She kicked off her sneakers and went immediately to the bathroom to change again her sportswear and quickly finished her body shower. The breakfast consisted of baked bread, white cheese and fiches jam whereas for the husky dog were the raw meats and bones. While she was waiting for the slices of bread to be toasted, her eyes landed to his photograph placed in a black rectangular frame.

“Why Alex?” She whispered to herself and crossed her arms while tilting her head in one side. “Why are you still appearing in my dreams every night? What do you want to tell me?”

It became a monotonous thing for her to see the nightmares of the people who were gone now and the worse part was that they would always appear with unknown causes. Like her parents for example, died not because of a coincidental car accident- but a well-planned one- and after their case was solved, they didn’t appear anymore. She knew that her grandmother’s death was truly a devastating event for her and of course she needed to find the surgeon who took the responsibility to operate her. But what about Alex? She had no clue why this was happening but one thing was for sure... her PTSD wouldn’t stop if she didn’t find out the last parts to complete the puzzle.

After finishing her breakfast she wore her casual clothes despite her efforts in wearing a suit. She was so obsessed with them. Maybe if she becomes a resident... who knows what fate will bring for her? She shook her head in disbelief- she was going to work with Ethan Ramsey and was excited but stressed in the same time.

“My oh my... am I going to work now huh? What do you think buddy?”Jonah twirled around in excitement when his owner opened her arms to reveal the outfit. “You always have liked my style, haven’t you? Can you believe that I’m going to work with the attending who inspired me to be this doctor I am now? Nope, I can’t believe it too.” She chuckled wearily as her memories with Alex came back on her mind. How both of them were determined to be doctors and to be graduated in the same year, then going to their respective inspirational doctors who, for instance, both were in the same hospital- Dr. Ethan Ramsey and Dr. Simon Tennant.

“Y’know Jonah, I was thinking about how this Ethan Ramsey looks like because his face doesn’t appear anywhere. Like I’ve searched for him in any websites possible but no- he’s like an invisible man who has sealed every images of him. Even Simon doesn’t want to tell me and said that I would see him soon. What the hell? I mean can you imagine working with an old man and a grumpy one or who knows... maybe he’s a good one? He can’t be like those snarky and annoying attendees that have always appeared in the TV shows, right?” She twitched her lips in confusion and shrugged. “Whatever. Just wish me good luck.”

She grabbed his collar in the direction of the door but before that she glanced up to the photograph again. A hard lump was formed on her throat re-imagining the scene in which they could leave together but instead... she was going alone. A small and a sad smile tugged on her lips as if he was there too, smiling widely at her and wishing ‘good luck’ and giving a blow kiss while saying ‘I love you’.

Unfortunately the blue-eyed husky was cooing sadly after the owner left him to her neighbour Lola and her husband Mike and he really needed to fit into the new adjustment of lifestyle.

Klaw wanted so badly to drive her car to the hospital because she knew now all the streets of Boston but changed her mind in the last minute to go the metro line that wasn’t far away from her neighbourhood and it took at least 20 minutes. While she was seating in front of the window she opened her messages that popped up on her phone and she frowned in suspicion for who might’ve been. Then she chuckled softly. It was nonetheless than her friends.

Klaw scoffed.

Of course Imy would bring up those numbers as a reminder.

14.09.1995- her 25th birthday.

But she had already discussed with them to not wish her and to not make any presents despite Imy’s insistence to try to forget what happened two years ago that had wrapped their minds for a long time. But there wasn’t enough for forgetting and she still wasn’t ready to move on to another point of her life. She was afraid that if she believed in love again- she would lose it. Just like with Clay and Alex she didn’t want to experience another heartbreak or another trauma.

The great building of Edenbrook Hospital in the heart of Boston Massachusetts appeared in front of her now, where her life wouldn’t be the same again. She felt her quickened heartbeats and her tightened chest by the view and still couldn’t believe she was now a doctor. She shook her head in disbelief again while chuckling.

Well well Dr. Craig, seems like the beginning of everything to you, isn’t it? Just don’t try to kill anyone today. Keep your punches off to yourself.

Everyone were hurrying up and looked they were all in a moment of a rush. She took long stride steps while ogling to the new settlement which later she would call it home. Klaw could hear the urgency of nurses while taking IV’s with themselves to the patients, two doctors wheeling their patients who seemed to have done a transplant operation before, the receptionists talking to the phones and writing the names of those who wanted to leave a meeting with their doctors. Even though this gave her a lightened moment to truly appreciate, she felt lost and didn’t know where to go so she tilted her head to the sides almost panicking.

Is this how all of the interns have been before?

“Are you new here?”

A guy in violet scrubs asked her gently behind her back so she turned around only to see him smile.

“Uhm, yeah I am.”

“That’s pretty good! Are you our new nurse from Delaware?”

She chuckled. “No, actually I’m a surgical intern from London.”

“Oh, sorry.” He said sheepishly. “I’ve been asking all the new female faces here and all of them turned to be interns because we were waiting for a new internal nurse but seems like she’s vanished.” They both shared a laugh. “By the way my name’s Danny Cardinal.”

They shook their hands while nodding. “And I’m Klaudia Craig but please call me Klaw instead ‘cause there’s a loooong story about that.”

“Klaudia Craig... just give me a second to check the list.” Danny run his index finger while murmuring her name until he flipped the other page and her name was the last. “Ha! I found you... Klaudia Helena Craig, the tick is in the box. If I’m right you’re the last doctor who has applied here?”

“Uhm, yeah.” She let out a nervous laugh and scratched the back of her neck. “I actually wasn’t sure about this place to apply but- here I am.”

“Well because of Dr. Delarosa’s absence for the moment I’ll do you a quick guide.”

Danny was such a nice guy and now the first friend Klaw made in this hospital. She could see his cheeks flushed sometimes when he made eye contact with her and later he admitted that this year strangely all the new interns were so attractive. With her back-bag in one shoulder she entered the closet room to change her clothes to green scrubs until she saw a woman in her underwear. Embarrassed that she may be interrupting her, made a quick motion of closing her eyes.

“Oh, I’m sorry, sorry I’m truly sorry!” She waved her hand awkwardly and she thought that was such clueless move.

“It’s alright you can open your eyes.” Her accent let Klaw know that she could be somewhere from India. When she opened her eyes- damn it. Danny wasn’t lying that everyone were attractive. She was the greatest example of a hot woman. “And please don’t you know that this is a closet room or what?” She scoffed. “Are you shy?”

Klaw scoffed aback when her last words teased her. “No, but I don’t think I can invade someone’s privacy and that’s disrespectful y’know... maybe you were doing other things rather than changing clothes.”

“Alexa play “The Final Countdown” by Europe for Jackie Varma getting her butt roasted!” Klaw flinched when a half-naked guy barked in laughter. “I’m feeling sorry for you now Jackson.”

“Shut up Lahela!”

“So my prediction was right.” Klaw nodded slowly in acknowledgement thanks to her observation skills, she could see Jackie’s messed hair despite her efforts to put a proper bun whereas the guy named Lahela had a small glitter on the corner of his lips. And she couldn’t feel any prouder.

“You got a smart mouth sweetie don’t you?” Jackie challenged her by inching dangerously close, their faces mere inches apart. Klaw smirked knowingly and slowly lowered her head.

“I do and you should actually be afraid of me, darling.”

Jackie was caught off guard despite her efforts of staying neutral. This girl was so gorgeous and such a smart ass, she thought. She was wondering how her full lips would fit into hers and how her body would arch in the wall while doing to her the most nasty things. And when she got that look- god she thought- she looked even more sexy.

Stop it Jackie.

“I like this girl, she’s just my type.” Lahela added. “Can we please have a threesome?”

“Bryce!” Jackie shouted angrily. “That’s enough!”

So his name is Bryce.

Klaw felt her jaw tightening even though she knew that he was just messing with them. “Only in your dreams big boy.”

“Ouch you are hurting my feelings right now. Look, no one can resist my handsome face... and not even you pretty.”

“I’ll show you pretty when you’ll see yourself with your broken bones.” Klaw smiled wickedly.

“Who’s roasted now huh?”Jackie laughed while Bryce was left mouth gaped from this statement. He didn’t think that someone as beautiful as this girl could reject him in one click. She wouldn’t do that, right? Bryce Lahela had never been refused by any of the girls he encountered with- not even from boys who had tried to have an affair with him. This is was the first defeat he got slapped by and it looked like this first day was going to be a hell. But when he looked deeply in the dark and fiery brown eyes of that lady, he had hopes that she wasn’t a bad person. Maybe she was trying to shove him off or who knew... maybe it was a game plan and for that, he wanted to know more of her.

Be careful Bry. ‘Cause this girl is going to be harder than it looks like. What is she doing to me?

“Whilst I appreciate your words Varma I think we should let this girl present herself, right?”

“This time I agree with you.” Jackie was well aware of his changing of subject and in a brief moment she saw the hot guy going pale and silently thought that he had fallen for her. Yuck.

Klaw smiled. “Okay people I’m Dr. Klaudia Craig, a surgical intern with one condition- only if you call me Klaw.”

“Another scalpel jockey here?” Jackie let out her tongue in disgust. “Ewww.”

“Hell yeahhh.” Klaw rolled her eyes while Bryce was offering his hand to shake hers. “Dr. Bryce Lahela graduated at the top of the class 2020 from Harvard University and selected as the best face from all the nerds around the campus with one condition-” he kissed the back of her hand before winking “-be mine already.”

“As tempting as it may be Dr. Lahela I’m afraid I’m not the first one in your flirting list hm?”

Two can play that game, right? Bryce’s cheeks turned to a light pink as if he felt- embarrassed? Why did this girl make him feel like that? What was her real intention? One thing was for sure- she was different and mysterious. Before he could reply Jackie cut him off.

“Shit! Time is ticking! We must go immediately, the whole atrium is expecting us!”

“Who?” Klaw asked confused and with that expression made Jackie eyeing her incredulously.

“Do you live on earth or what? The doctors, our attendees, our bosses!” Klaw nodded slowly in acknowledgment since she was right. She lived in Moon. “Hurry up, we need to change!”

All of the interns were gathered as they were waiting for the attendees to come at any minute. Lots of unknown faces were about to work together in this place and lots of things were going to change forever their lives. Daniel Griffin appeared among them giving Klaw a small smile but also a relieved one. He still was worried with the yesterday’s incidence where she fought with some random street girls and almost she was caught by the police. He couldn’t ask her if she was okay because she wouldn’t tell him anyway so the only thing that caught his attention was that she was coming with other two strange guys. Not long after that his girlfriend Imy joined them and greeted with a warm smile that always crossed on her face which was why Dan fell in love with her. Again Jackie was disappointed that they were other scalpel jockeys and couldn’t wait to meet colleagues on her profile. The attendees were coming towards them with an assurance and a determination that Klaw felt a shiver on her spine. She spotted her brother (her guardian angel) Simon beside a woman who seemed to be a very important person in the hospital alongside with four other doctors whom Klaw tried to guess if one of them was Ethan Ramsey with the exception of the curly woman.

Or tried to guess- who was the surgeon she was looking after all these years?

“May I have your attention please?” The curly woman spoke up, trying her best to keep her calmness while everyone were speaking aloud until another grunting voice made them startled and turn their heads to them.

“Will you shut your fucking mouths and listen now?!”

Silence.

A genuine and a grateful smile came from the woman mouthing to the man her ‘thank you’ and he nodded in acknowledgement.

“Welcome to Edenbrook Hospital everyone! You have come a long way to be in this place and you have to always remind the Hippocrates  Oath: ‘Do no harm’ which is going to be the first thing that comes to your minds. My name is Dr. Ines Delarosa and by my side is Dr. Zaid Mirani, your senior residents who will guide you in every step of the way.”

“Do not consider this as a favour because if you do, then you have to forget your big sacrifices to come here.”

When Zaid almost chewed them with his sentence, Ines tried to lighten up the mood. “But also we’re not the only doctors here- please welcome our surgeons Dr. Harper Emery, Dr. Simon Tennant and Dr. Edgar Allen!”

The speech was started by Harper who stood between the males giving her the authority that she deserved as she looked intensely to every intern.

“Thank you Dr. Delarosa. Again welcome to the most prestigious and the most competitive hospital in our country! I hope all of you have been prepared for this day and for more to come. I’m delighted to work as a neurosurgeon to help and to teach you how important is and what it means to be a surgeon. Mostly about our surgical interns- you will be tasked with a lot of cases from the easiest ones to the most complicated ones. And you have to remind yourselves that you must not neglect any patient because they are all equal and they need the same treatments. I think the doctors would agree-” her eyes flicked immediately to Simon’s, ignoring Edgar’s purposely. “- right?”

“Yes Dr. Emery especially after this looong speech everyone here is more motivated, right?” He mocked playfully while Harper was rolling her eyes.

You'll never change Simon.

“Hi! I’m Dr. Tennant as Dr. Delarosa previously mentioned and I’m a cardio thoracic surgeon, currently the chief of Cardiology Department. Which means that if you notice your heart quickening its heartbeats or if you notice that is breaking into two halves- feel free to swing by my office or in the O.R to fix it.” A laughter was heard among the interns who seemed to be more relaxed and many whispers said that he was going to be their God’s sent angel- which clearly he was. “Jokes aside- this year was the most difficult time to choose the ones you are here because of competitiveness and the strong knowledge you came from your universities, ranked at the top of your classes. What I want to say is- nothing is impossible. Everything can be achieved with work and passion for medicine if you feel it here.” He patted his chest lightly. “But if not-” he shook his head even though his smile didn’t disappear. “- then you weren’t ready for these days.”

A knowing look crossed Klaw’s face; she knew where his limits were when it came to being professional especially in medicine. He wouldn’t tolerate anyone who made unacceptable mistakes and everyone would see his worst side and wonder how this man could change so quickly- something that she was used to.

“Alright.” Harper was nodding and giving an eye to everyone and turned her gaze to the older man. “Do you want to add something Dr. Banerji?”

That’s when Ines realised that she had totally forgotten to mention Dr. Banerji’s name because of Zaid’s distraction.

So he’s Dr. Naveen Banerji- the person who accepted my application.

“Yes, thank you Harper. Well, hello everybody, for all of those who don’t know me yet- I’m Dr. Naveen Banerji the Chief of Medicine, but my real job is general surgeon which I’m very good at it rather than being a chief.” He chuckled and Klaw thought this man was truly like a father to all the interns. “I’m very happy that we have chosen the best students for our non-profit hospital and especially those who’ve already done a big difference during medical school.” Klaw didn’t notice it as Bryce whispered in her ear but Naveen gave her a briefing look before he continued what he was saying. “I hope everyone will get themselves accommodated, making new relationships uh-I meant strictly professional and friendly partnerships.” Everyone shared a laugh. “What I want to say is- if you want to be successful to your job you must at first be humans. If you want to understand the patients you must understand yourselves. And finally as Dr. Ramsey would say you should observe everyone.” Again it was heard a big laughter as he did an impression on him. “Anyways, you will have the chance to know him, now I must go back to work as you should do the same. Have a nice day doctors! We’re expecting the best from you.”

“Thank you Dr. Banerji!” When Naveen and Harper left another attending came in front of the other doctors- Dr. Edgar Allen.

“So, I think now that we have done our pleasantries, I’d like to call the surgical interns names to assign their cases whereas you internal medicine will be assigned under Dr. Delarosa’s and Dr. Mirani’s. Understood?”Everyone nodded and from the looks of it he was the harshest doctor they have encountered by far, leaving Zaid out of the black list.

“I despise this man so much.” Zaid grumbled under his breath enough for Ines to hear it.

“Don’t worry Zaid.” She assured him again with that infectious smile which made him less angry than he was. “He’s always like that. We can’t change someone’s personality hm?” He nodded in agreement.

Before calling the names Simon came closer to Edgar clearly not liking the way he was prodding.

“Shouldn’t you be less grumpy among them? It’s their first day and they don’t deserve this kind of treatment.”

“Hmph. Or what else is going to happen Dr. Tennant? I’m really curious about it ‘cause right now I’m shaking from your concern for such minions.”

Simon felt his narrowed eyes dagger in Edgar’s saying in a hushed tone. “Watch your language Dr. Allen and may I remind you where did your internship start huh?”

“Mass Kenmore.”

“Exactly. So if it wasn’t for Dr. Thorne’s insistence because you saved his life- your ass wouldn’t even reach in this position without him.” Edgar clenched his teeth in frustration knowing fully well that everything what Simon was saying was true. “Now you can continue doctor.”

With that Simon trailed off without sparing a glance to the worried look of interns noticing their little exchange not knowing what was said between them.

Klaw kept wondering where actually Dr. Ethan Ramsey was as he didn’t show up and was nowhere to be seen until Ines answered the same question raised by another intern who seemed to be just as curious as her.

“About Dr. Ramsey, we’re expecting him to come today from the Miami’s conference, so you don’t have to worry- you’ll meet him soon.” She assured the shy blonde guy who seemed to be more relieved now.

But still Klaw had gears on her mind about it if Dr. Ramsey would be present.

And how do we say it?

Some things happen in the most unexpected ways.

———————————————————————

Chapter 2: “First Impressions”

[sohin-ace]

Ceasar - Cover

This is cross-posted from Wattpad and available on AO3.

Enjoy~

You were a trainee of Lisa Lisa. You've lived with her and Suzie Q for as long as you could remember and you got along very well with the girls. But there was something a little bit special about you.

You would always need to cover up your body. No skin besides your face would show, you always had a hood or a veil covering your hair too.

It was really only just because of religious matters, your ideologies and beliefs made you into a modest person. You could only undress in front of other women. Lisa Lisa and Suzie Q completely understood your lifestyle and even supported you.

It was not like it did any harm to you or others, and also, it actually matched your Hamon fighting style perfectly. Discreet, stealthy, anonymous, silent, just like the night. Just like you. Fate worked magnificently like that sometimes.

When your mentor told you you would start training with Ceasar Zeppeli and Joseph Joestar, you were a little bit perplexed at first but then thought that there was no reason to fret.

You never met Ceasar before even if he was already Lisa Lisa's apprentice because you both would always train separatedly. But this time, you would officially meet and see each other on the daily. But it was okay for you.

After all, what could possibly go wrong?

Turns out that after many weeks of training, you got along very well with the guys. They didn't question you and your clothing much, and when they did, they were actually very understanding, which you appreciated.

That didn't distract any of you from your goal and training sessions, and they actually were impressed by your strength and Hamon technique.

In the end it didn't matter at all. They saw you for you, and so you were comfortable with them, and felt like you belonged with everyone.

But once went the day where the one thing that you hoped would never happen, happened. You could even call it the worst case scenario.

After a long day of training, you decided to go upstairs to change before you could go back down with everyone and have a debriefing. Lisa Lisa accompagnied you to an empty room.

"You should be able to undress here. Suzie Q must have warned the boys not to disturb you."

"Thank you, Lisa Lisa." You responded gratefully.

She then left and closed the door. You were left alone and removed the mask from your face and neck that you used on training days. The moment you slid the shawl out of your hair, somebody entered the dark room.

You didn't notice him and it seems that he didn't either at first, but when he saw you throw the shawl on the bed it clicked in his mind.

That was you. And you were not wearing your shawl anymore. He could see your actual H/C hair in the dark. If you just turned around...

Something inside him told him to go away. That it was wrong. He knew why you were doing all of this and he had to respect that. But he left his drive get the better of him. He would regret that later, but he'll worry about it when the time comes.

He approached you slowly and you finally noticed his presence. You turned around, not looking up at first, thinking it was Lisa lisa who came back.

"Did you need anything else Lis-" When you looked up, your eyes met with the tall blonde staring right back at you.

Ceasar couldn't help but stare. Under the moonlight, your features were so clear to him. The look of your H/L hair framing your face perfectly, your plump red lips, your delicate nose completing your sweet visage in a perfect canvas.

You always looked so mysterious to him, but now it was like uncovering a mystery, opening a treasure chest. Your usually fierce eyes looked so different tonight, there was this innocent purity that needed to be protected in them. That he needed to protect.

You gasped and your eyes widened in panic. You instantly went to reach for your shawl to cover up as fast as you could, but Ceasar was quick to stop you as he grabbed your arms.

His common sense was completely leaving him. He was acting crazy, foolish, wild even.

"Y/N, wait!"

You responded by ducking your head low and bringing your arms in front of you, a desperate attempt to hide.

"C-Ceasar, close your eyes!!!"

"No, wait! You're okay, it's me. I just want to-"

"Turn around, Ceasar, I just need to put my scarf back on!"

"Y/N, please, look at me, just this once!"

"Why are you so- If you keep this on I won't hesitate to hurt you!" You growled, scared and confused at your friend's behavior.

"Y-you... You're so beautiful, Y/N..." Ceasar breathed, softening his grip on you, not even caring if you stunned him with Hamon or slapped him across the face. He was completely under your spell.

"D-don't do this to me, please turn around, I-I..." You sighed in exasperation. "This is wrong, God forgive me-" You slammed your palms under his chin tilting his head back violently and preventing him from staring any further.

He grabbed your wrists in retaliation and pulled them down. You whipped your head to the side to hide your heating face.

When he heard a sob coming from your mouth he realized his actions. For him, there was nothing to fret about, but for you, it was basically the same as being naked in front of him. He was invading a woman's privacy in the worst way. And not just any woman too, his crush.

Realization hit him hard, but before he could even do anything, the door burst open to reveal none other than Joseph.

"Ceasar are you ther-" The brunet cut himself off and was astounded at the scene before him. "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DO- HOLY SHIT Y/N'S NOT COVERED!!! DUDE GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM HER!"

Joseph rushed towards the italian man and grabbed him in a head lock to drag him away from you, turning around so their backs were facing you. As if on cue, Suzie Q ran into the room with a long cloak and wrapped it around your form.

"Oh my god! Are you okay Y/N? I'm so sorry! I wanted to warn him but I couldn't find him anywhere! I'm sorry, my baby it's all my fault!!" Your blonde best friend hugged you tightly and pulled you out of the room, out of the guys' sight.

"WERE YOU TRYING TO- DUDE THAT'S DISGUSTING, EVEN FOR ME!" Joseph had a problem with Ceasar being a skirt chaser, but this time it was too much.

"No!!! You're misunderstanding, it's not what it looks like!" The blonde struggled against his grasp.

"You were alone with her, in the dark, and she wasn't dressed to her comfortable level... And you were grabbing her wrists, the hell does that look like??"

"I know it sounds horrible, but I wasn't planning anything, I may be stupid, but I'm not a sick pervert." The brunet clicked his tongue, obviously not convinced. Ceasar had no excuses for his actions.

"Ceasar you freaking dog, do you even know what you did? What the hell were you thinking? That's sexual harassment, Poor Y/N-chan."

"I-I KNOW! I just... Let me go, I'll apologize to her!"

"Ohoh no no no, my guy, she does NOT want to see you right now. You know there's no coming back from what you did?" Ceasar sighed, defeated as Joseph finally released him.

"Yeah, I know that was an asshole move... I'll let her punch me straight to hell in her stead."

"Ppfft In this state, she wouldn't even touch you with a stick. You're litterally the only man who's ever saw her like this. The only way to come back from that is if you marry her!" He gripped the front of Ceasar's shirt, as if to emphasize his point.

"FINE !!!" he snapped, swatting Joseph's hand away. "I was planning to anyways!"

"Good... wait what?"

Later during the evening, he went to look for you, and finally found you in one of the hallways.

"Y/N!" He called out to you and you turned around, ignoring him.

He ran to catch up with you and grabbed your shoulder. "Wait, Y/N, I'm so sorry for my behavior, I really messed up, that was so wrong. Please forgive me." He pleaded, his eyes showing his sincerity.

You glanced away, bringing your hand up to put your mask back over your face, but he stopped you midways.

"Please... At least allow me to look at your face... I know I don't deserve it... But I want to see your beautiful lips when you smile."

You put your hand down and frowned. You didn't know what to tell him. You could forgive him because you fell hard in love with the blonde man, but you could not forget his disappointing and disrespectful behavior.

"One of the reasons I cover up... Is to protect myself from people like you..." There was obvious pain in your voice, knowing you would have to supress your feelings for him.

He softly grabbed your hands, cupping them in his warmth. "Marry me, Y/N!"

You flinched, a strong blush rising to your face. Saying that you were shocked would be the biggest understatement.

"Huh?!"

"I love you and I invaded your intimacy. Marry me so I can make it up to you and take your sins!" You were quite impressed that he even knew that.

Your breath became shallow. "C-Ceasar, you don't have to do this, I forgive yo-"

"I want to! I want to know everything about you, you are so special, so different from all the women that I've met. You are so immaculate, humble, chaste. I was chasing after girls because I didn't know I would ever meet someone like you. I didn't know what I was looking for... And then I met you."

You were completely shaken at the sudden confession and proposal. That was so unreal, you thought you would wake up any second now.

"I... This is so sudden... Ceasar... Let me..."

"I'll let you think about it, I won't rush you this time, I promise. I'll wait for as long as you need. Even if it takes years."

The tall male tenderly brushed his knuckles over your cheek and you smiled shyly. His eyes softened on you.

"It's my first time ever seeing your smile. I'm so blessed... I hope you'll say yes." And just like that, he released you and left.

You'd have to rest for quite some time before you give this incredible man an answer.

Bonus:

"But... She's so beautiful though..." Ceasar muttered as he was leaning back on the couch next to Joseph.

"I know right? If I was her I would cover this much beauty too. Especially around wolves like you." The brunet glared at him and Ceasar made a face before realizing.

"Wait... What do you mean 'I know right'? You already saw her face???"

"Yeah, all the time, why?" Joseph answered as a matter of fact.

"BUT... HOW ???"

"Dude, she only wears that ninja mask for training, it helps her focus on her breathing. She shows her face all the time otherwise."

"WHAT ???" Ceasar was so shocked, his eyes could pop out of their sockets at the revelation.

"LOOOL YOU MEAN YOU NEVER SAW HER WITHOUT HER MASK?" The Joestar laughed obnoxiously "Or maybe! Maybe she keeps that mask when you're here! She's not wrong to be honest." Suzie Q then came into the room holding a laundry basket.

"Oi Suzie Q, isn't that right? Y/N's face is a mystery to nobody, you already saw it?"

"Yeah of course I saw it. I saw what you guys couldn't even dream of seeing." Suzie Q smirked, feeling like she's better than the guys. "I even know where her birthmark is." She giggled.

"WHAT?? WHERE??!!" Ceasar perked up abruptly, suddenly more interested.

"...." Suzie Q paused and her glance shifted. "I uh, probably shouldn't tell you this, but for hints, you can only see it at the honeymoon~" She teased then walked off.

Ceasar blushed heavily at the assumption and ran after her "Wait! Suzie Q!!! What do you mean?! Tell me more!" Joseph shook his head at the dirtiness of his friend.

"Jeez, this guy is too unholy for a girl like Y/N."

This was inspired by the fact that I really, really want to wear the Hijab. (update, by the time I wrote this, I started wearing it)

I hesitated to write this because I was scared to make this come off as blasphemous? It was tricky to write, not gonna lie. And I'll probably delete this in the future.

I was trying to not be exclusive to one religion, many beliefs have their women cover up, I hope I portrayed it well. And I hope you can relate to Y/N somehow in this, even if you don't cover yourself for religious reasons.

[hihoneyimdead]

a dissection of anime nathaniel hawthorne in relation to the scarlet letter

In Which I’m Bored and Want to Talk About Anime Nathaniel Hawthorne and Why He’s More Interesting Than the Fandom Wants to Admit, and Also About Arthur Dimmesdale And Shit

This is going to be long. Fuck. 

(spoilers through the manga, which i have not read all the way through, so take everything i say with a grain of salt. same goes for the scarlet letter, which i haven’t read in nearly four years. ripperoni bro)

Above is the topic of today’s procrastination, Anime Nathaniel Hawthorne from Bungo Stray Dogs. He is a member of an American organization called the Guild, he’s a preacher, and he has a superpower/ability called The Scarlet Letter that allows him to manipulate his own blood into scripture that can either harm or defend via spears and shit and then shields and shit. 

He’s also a simp for Anime Margaret Mitchell, but I’ll be getting into that in a moment. 

Anyway, here’s a better picture of our lovely reverend, this time with his ability:

Funny, right? But that’s what I’m gonna talk about today simply because I’m bored and I should be writing but I’m currently not and I really have a soft spot for this bitch of a preacher. Hawthorne here has a lot more to his character than a lot of people give him credit for, which makes sense because he is a relatively-minor character and all he’s been doing recently is getting cucked by Anime Fyodor Dostoevsky, and while he may currently be Comrade Assassin, he’s still a complex character if you look past what our favorite Russian pimp has been up to. 

So a bit more about Hawthorne before I crack open my copy of his most famous book:

He is a preacher, not a priest, as shown by his choice in clothing. Priests don’t wear that, take it from a former Catholic. His clothes resemble the robes worn by classic Puritan preachers (such as the Reverend Arthur Dimmesdale, but we’ll get to him in a minute.) Whether that was on purpose or not I don’t know, but I’m aiming for a yes because Margaret Mitchell, his partner, wears a Southern belle-style outfit that Scarlett O’Hara (the main character of Mitchell’s most famous work, Gone With the Wind) wears, and John Steinbeck wears clothes reminiscent of Tom Joad (the main character of Steinbeck’s most famous work, The Grapes of Wrath.) It’s kind of a thing with the Guild. Edgar Allan Poe wears clothes that a goth around the time of Poe’s life would’ve worn. Same goes for Louisa May Alcott, Mark Twain, and H. P. Lovecraft. Meanwhile characters such as Lucy Maud Montgomery, F. Scott Fitzgerald, and Herman Melville wear clothes that their characters (Anne from Anne of Green Gables, Jay Gatsby from The Great Gatsby, and whoever the fuck was in Moby Dick, respectively.) Hawthorne fits in with that last set of characters, which is funny considering the real life Hawthorne’s works.

In reality, Nathaniel Hawthorne was an American author in the early-to-mid-1800s who wrote many short stories, novels, and poems and shit, usually Romantic in nature. He started off, though, as a big member of the Transcendentalist movement. Transcendentalism, if you don’t know, is kind of like the 1800s equivalent of hippies. They were pretty anti-government and anti-religion, usually specifically anti-Christianity. These institutions corrupted the basis of mankind. Hawthorne himself helped form a utopian commune up in New England (it didn’t last long, don’t worry.) As he grew older, he grew out of that kind of writing and lifestyle and into the works we know him for today, such as his most famous novel, The Scarlet Letter. It, like many of his other works, contains allusions to religion and exists as a sort of criticism on it. 

The Scarlet Letter is set in the middle of the 1600s in Puritan New England. The Puritans were known for being Super Christian. They did not pass the vibe check. The main character is Hester Prynne, a young woman convicted of adultery with an unknown father. After being “released” from prison after the birth of her daughter, Pearl, Hester is allowed to move around outside of prison. But to signify her “evilness”, she must have a red letter ‘A’ on the front of her dress at all times (the eponymous and extremely metaphoric scarlet letter.) Besides Hester and Peal, main characters include Roger Chillingsworth, a doctor and Hester’s ex-husband from England who has vowed to track down the father and have him punished as well, and the Reverend Arthur Dimmesdale, who is sick All of the Time For No Apparent reason. By the end of the novel it’s revealed that Dimmesdale’s illness is actually a manifestation of his guilt because he was Pearl’s father despite him being a reverend and all and Hester being an unmarried woman. He ends up dying in the end after professing his guilt and showing the town the red letter ‘A’ that God supposedly engraved upon the skin on his chest. 

So let’s start here with a brief summary of Dimmesdale’s actions in the book as recalled by someone who hasn’t read it in four years but who is looking at the Wikipedia article right now. 

We first meet him when he and another minister, John Wilson, question Hester as to who the father of her child was. She doesn’t answer. The next time we see him in person is when Hester goes to the governor to ask if she can keep Pearl. She pleads with Dimmesdale and Wilson (who is there too for some reason), and he manages to persuade the governor to let her keep her child. At some point soon after, his health really begins to decline, and Chillingsworth moves in as a physician. Chillingsworth discovers a weird symbol of guilt on Dimmesdale’s chest while the poor guy sleeps after suspecting that the preacher’s illness is a manifestation of an unknown guilt. Dimmesdale, filled with guilt, goes to the town square in the middle of the night one day and screams his guilt to the heavens, but he can’t make himself do it during the day. Hester, shocked by the poor guy’s whole deal, decides to break her vow of silence. She calls Dimmesdale outside of town and tells him that they’re going to move to Europe together and start a new life with Pearl. He agrees and seems reinvigorated. They go back to town, and all’s fine until he gives a really good sermon on Election Day. After that, he professes his guilt and dies in Hester’s arms. People there claim to see a “stigma” in the shape of a letter ‘A’ on his chest, though others say there’s nothing there. 

Dimmesdale is a man consumed by his guilt. He physically and mentally declines because of his guilt and his unwillingness to expose himself for the sinner he really is, though, through it all, he supports Hester and Pearl as best he can considering his station as the town minister. He’s supposed to be the beacon of mortality, the person everyone should look up to and respect and learn from. And here he is, an adulterer, and a liar. And when he finally grows past his guilt and decides to let it out in favor of leaving and starting life anew, he dies, consumed, supposedly, by the wrath of God. He “falls” as a sinner, struck down by the very flames of Hell themselves. Or, more likely, a regular heart attack. He died of shock, poor guy. 

Compare that to Anime Nathaniel Hawthorne. He starts out as a member of a secret association who, according to its leader, Fitzgerald, doesn’t do good, but does what needs to be done. That’s probably why Hawthorne joined it in the first place. While his main goal has always been eradicating sinners from the face of the Earth, he probably started out as a regular old minister. Eradicating doesn’t always mean killing, and this is shown as he only attacks those who threaten his work, his partner (wink), and himself. This changes after the woman he loves throws herself in the way of an attack and nearly gets herself killed saving him. In canon, she’s still in a coma. In canon, he gave himself completely into sin because of his guilt and love for her. And that’s where the similarities between Hawthorne and Dimmesdale really start.

Let’s start with the obvious guilt complex. This goes along with what I believe Dostoevsky’s ability, Crime and Punishment, does. I believe it feeds off of an individual’s guilt, manipulating it and their mind in the process. We see this with Karma, a young man Dostoevsky kills. Karma, in his last moments, goes through all he went wrong with in his life (you know, or as much as a manga page or two can have) and dies knowing that he’ll never achieve his dream. That’s a more extreme example, I think, and not one I should really be using as evidence for anything considering it’s the only example of this really happening. Every other person that Dostoevsky kills with his ability just drops dead without the audience seeing into their thoughts. He’s got an insta-kill ability, but my theory builds off the idea that he can control living or dying. Hawthorne came to Dostoevsky to work for Dostoevsky’s organization, the Rats in the House of the Dead, in exchange for Mitchell getting “revived”. He might look cool on the outside, but he left the Guild, his friends, because Mitchell got hurt. He loves her, and he says as much in the manga (the anime didn’t say so, but left it unsaid and obvious to those looking.) The next time we see Hawthorne, he’s a mindless assassin who really only remembers Mitchell from his past, and the assassin who nearly killed her. His guilt twisted him into someone completely different from how he was before, even looking physically leaner and as different a brief appearance in a manga and anime can make someone look. He’s even lost his glasses, and any normal look in his eye. It’s kinda like the main character of Crime and Punishment from what I can tell, but I also haven’t read that book so take what I say on that with a gain of salt.) He’s consumed by his guilt (thanks, Fyodor.) Guilt is a big part of his character (as much of a character as he has currently, anyway.) The same can be said for Dimmesdale, who, as I’ve said before was consumed by his own guilt and sin until his death. 

I hope that Hawthorne doesn’t end up as dead as Dimmesdale did when he reunites with his supposed love interest (love interests aren’t really a thing in this series, which makes Hawthorne and Mitchell even more interesting to me.) I hope he gets a happy ending, but... that probably won’t happen unless Dostoevsky dies, which seems like an end-game thing to me. He’s a bad dude with slight plot armor. 

Anyway, past the guilt, their relationship with the respective women in their lives is another important and interesting parallel. Dimmesdale, even through Hester’s punishment, more or less treats her as he would’ve before Pearl. I believe that he did truly love her in his own pitiful way, though not as much as he loved his relationship with God, as seen by his continued guilt and shit. But it’s important to note that he seemed to admit his own love for Hester by agreeing to run away to Europe with her, and he did so in little ways throughout the story by helping her keep Pearl and by really just giving her a lighter sentence than a lot of women would’ve gotten. Puritan ministers were up there with government officials in the law (look at the witch trials, for example), so he would’ve definitely had input on her punishment. Most women would’ve been stoned or banished from the town or colony. Hester, notably, was let off relatively easy with just the emblem and the vague banishment to living in a house outside of town alone with her daughter. Hawthorne’s partner was Margaret Mitchell, and from the very beginning until the assassin skewered them, the two of them argued. Honestly, they bickered a lot like an old married couple. It was kinda cute in a weird way. Neither of them would obviously admit their feelings for each other. Both are proud people, Mitchell coming from a disgraced rich family and Hawthorne being a man of God. But his concern for her becomes evident the moment she gets stabbed clean through and impaled a dozen feet above the ground. That’s when he really gets on the offensive, and when she’s destroyed (image below), he calls her by her first name for the first, and only, time, looking completely destroyed (image also below.) He nearly manages to kill the assassin. And when he wakes up and sees that she isn’t going to wake up, he leaves those he cares about to fix his mistake of letting her get this hurt.

When we see Hawthorne next, he is willing to do anything to redeem himself for his mistake. When we meet him as an assassin for the first time, in the manga he says something along the lines of “I, for the revival of the one I love, will fulfill the contract of death”. Which is... not normal, I’ll admit. Poor guy. In the anime, he says something different that I don’t remember, but that was similar if not slightly different (again, the anime isn’t as explicit with their relationship as the manga.) Meanwhile she’s in a coma and is likely not to be revived by those Hawthorne pledged his allegiance to, but those he left behind. 

The two ministers here follow generally the same path of sin. They start out as the badass ministers they really are, men of God. Then, one way or another, they fall deeper and deeper into sin as they go. For Dimmesdale, that was boning Hester Prynne and hiding it from the town and corrupting himself with his guilt. For Hawthorne, that was ‘allowing’ his partner to ‘die’ and surrendering himself to a higher power to try and get her back, losing himself in the process. In the end, both men are shells of their former selves. Dimmesdale dies sick. Hawthorne is a brainwashed assassin. Dimmesdale’s higher power, God, is ultimately what killed him, and his devotion is what really did him in. Hawthorne is probably gonna die or get otherwise written out, I have a feeling (several villains in this show have, just look at Pushkin and Mark Twain and even Mitchell herself.) If he is, it’ll be Dostoevsky or one of his weird Russian friends doing him in or taking him out of the picture. He’ll likely never see Mitchell again and he will die due to his newfound devotion to a “god” who is willing to punish him for going to far. 

And guys, Hawthorne’s ability is literally the titular scarlet letter. What else can I say?

Honestly, I’m not sure what this post was, only that I killed a good three hours writing it and that it gave me yet again a newfound appreciation for something I used to hate. It was Anime Hawthorne, but before that it was IRL Hawthorne and The Scarlet Letter. Thank you American public school system. 

[ugly-crying-over-bucky-barnes]

Dawn in Your Eyes Part 10

Summary: Alfie has little to no idea why Caroline ever gave him the time of day. The blind woman seemed far too sensible to even speak to him. But soon he finds himself falling helplessly in love.

Part 10: A journey to Essex seals the deal for Alfie and Caroline 

           “Did you forget to tell me where we were going?” Caroline wondered as Alfie helped her into the backseat of the car, Pilot following close behind.

           “Did I?”

           She sighed and rolled her eyes. “So, you’re being coy.”

           “Coy? Love, I didn’t tell ya because we’re not going anywhere particularly special, right? A Sunday drive, as it were.” He replied, settling down in the backseat with her.

           “A Sunday drive? I don’t believe for one second that Alfie Solomons would ever want to go for a Sunday drive. I think he would assume it’s a waste of time.” She responded.

           “Clever lass, I can never pull the wool over your eyes, aye?” He chuckled.

           “Well, I am blind so it wouldn’t matter either way.”

           He laughed and unfolded his newspaper, slipping his glasses on. “Cheeky.”  

           Caroline smiled. “So where are we actually going?” She inquired as the car began to pull out from the curb.

           “I’ve got business out in Essex.”

           “Essex?” She asked in disbelief. “Why so far? What business do you have there?”

           “Are you all questions today?” Alfie tried to skirt around her suspicion because he was hoping to surprise her.

           “Are you avoiding my questions?”

           He folded up his newspaper and tapped her on the knee with it. “Best to enjoy the moment sometimes, love.”

           “Mhm, so you are avoiding them.” She sighed and stroked Pilot’s fur. “Alright, I’ll play along.”

           Alfie smiled and leaned over to kiss her cheek. “Just enjoy the ride, we’ll be there in an hour or two.” He promised. "I'll read the news to you."

           "Oh joy." She gave him a look that made him let out a hearty laugh.

~~~~~~~~~~~

           Tired from the long drive, Caroline yawned and stepped out to stretch. “Where are we?” She asked. The imposing smell of coal and smoke from the city was gone. She stepped into a new environment, one that smelled of freshly cut grass and roses.

           “Mr. Solomons.” A man who had been waiting walked up to them.

           “Mr. Graves.” Alfie shook the man’s hand. “This is me wife, Caroline.”

           “A pleasure.”

           “Likewise,” Caroline replied but was still perplexed. She had no clue where they were or what they were doing there.          

           Alfie, on the other hand, was mildly impressed. He didn’t like to parade his wealth like a certain Peaky Blinder. He appreciated comfort and jewels. But he felt that Caroline deserved much more than the modest lifestyle in Camden Town. She deserved a haven. Sure, they had Margate, but Alfie wasn’t satisfied. That’s why he called Mr. Graves about a home outside of the city. Somewhere larger and beautiful. A full garden and plenty of space for the dogs to run. It wouldn’t be too far from Margate and he was confident she could still work alongside Elizabeth.

           “Well, how do you like the look of it?” Mr. Graves asked, turning to look at the large manor they were standing in front of. “Three stories, seven bedrooms.”

           Caroline’s jaw dropped. “Wha-hang on.” She tugged on Alfie’s hand. “Seven bedrooms? What is he talking about?” She asked quietly.

           “Erm, was thinking of investing in some real estate, love. We’re at the place I were thinking of buying.” He explained a bit sheepishly. It certainly wasn’t the reveal he was hoping for but it would do.

           “But I-what on Earth are we going to do with seven bedrooms?” She exclaimed.

           Mr. Graves chuckled. “You’re a young couple, I’m sure you could host many parties there are seven rooms for entertaining. A lovely patio for the summer. The lawn space could also accommodate a tent for a special occasion.”

           Caroline was still trying to process everything. “So, this-you’d like to live here?” She asked Alfie.

           “Part of the time. I mean we’ll keep the flat in London and the home in Margate. But I thought maybe…” He shrugged and squeezed her hand. “It is beautiful, love. I’d love for you to have a nice place like this.”

           She had to take a few breaths. “Well, I suppose when we have children, they’ll fill the space.”

           Alfie grinned. When they had children, not if. “Right, plenty of room to run ‘round screaming.”

           “I hope they won’t be that loud.” She giggled.

           “Oh, love, they’ll be my kids, won’t they?” He teased. “’Course they’ll be fucking loud.”

           Caroline smiled. “I suppose you’re right.”

           “Let me show you around.” Mr. Graves offered and led the couple inside.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

           After viewing most of the grounds, Alfie and Caroline walked out the back doors to the garden.

           “Don’t you think I’ll get lost here?” Caroline asked her husband.

           “I think I might get lost ‘round here.” He chuckled and brought her out to the patio. “But it is quite a place.” He looked out over the expansive lawns. The gardens were a bit overrun. According to Mr. Graves, the family that owned the estate previously had gone bankrupt because of the Depression so it had been a few months since it had been inhabited.

           “Alfie, I’m flattered by the gesture, but don’t you think it’s a little much? We could just get a small cottage.”

           There was a small stone bench by the garden. He guided Caroline to sit beside him. “How’d we fit our big Jewish family inside a little cottage? It's best to have space for Solomons children. Mum always said we're a fucking restless bunch once we start getting the hang of walking.”

           “So…you were being serious out there then?”

           Alfie swallowed. Had she been kidding around with him? “Erm-well yes.” He admitted, not too worried if he put his foot in his mouth but being honest.

           “Oh.” Caroline sat with the admission. She had been serious too but assumed he’d been joking around with her. After all, they’d left the conversation about children a little open-ended. But after talking to Elizabeth, she’d become more serious on the subject. She’d just yet to tell her husband.

           “Were talking to Ollie.” Alfie rubbed his beard. “And I suppose, yeah, we were discussing the potential of me being a father. He was being a little fucking ridiculous, to be frank, but I s’pose he made a few good points.” He shrugged.

           “I spoke to your cousin about it, having children, I mean,” Caroline answered and wove her fingers in with his. “About the possibility of motherhood while still being blind.” She sighed. “It’s scary, Alfie, I won’t lie to you about it. But I also want to have a family with you. There’s nothing else I would want more than to give you children. And I know I won’t be the typical mother but I want-” Her voice broke and she laughed weakly at herself. “You’ll think I’m so silly.”

           “Caroline, nothing you’ve ever said to me has been silly.” He replied softly and squeezed her hand to reassure her. “You can tell me, right, you know that. I ain't never gonna laugh at something you want.”

           “I want to know what it’s like to be a mother.” She looked sheepish, ducking her head with her cheeks turning pink.

           “Now why is that silly, aye? We’re a married couple, right, we ain’t so different from other couples. What’ve they got that we don’t?” He questioned. If anything he would argue that they had much more than other couples. Because no other couple loved each other more than Caroline and Alfie loved each other, he was certain of that.

           Caroline smiled and shook her head. “So, we’re doing this then?”

           “Well, figure the number of times we’ve been fucking, love, it’s bound to happen eventually.” He replied with a cheeky grin. "Can't exactly stop mother nature, can we?"

           “Alfie!” She gasped and smacked his arm. “Be respectful.” But it was hard to hide her coy smile. After all, he wasn’t wrong.

           He chuckled and moved closer to her. “Sorry, sorry.” He tilted her cheek towards him so he could fix her headscarf that was slipping backward a bit. His fingers moving gently to refasten the pin in her hair. Once it was settled, he touched her cheek and gazed into her eyes. “I love you so much.”

           She smiled and felt his warmth close to her face, so she tilted forward to find his lips. He gladly reciprocated, smoothing his thumb over her cheek.

           When they parted, Alfie sighed contently and left a few pecks on her lips. “What’d you think then? If we start fixing it up now, we could have it ready in time for Passover. Have all of Camden Town over for Seder.”

           Caroline looked a little tempted at the idea. She’d spent her entire life being brought to holidays by her aunt. She was just the poor little blind girl. Everyone pitied her. She could never be the hostess of a beautiful Passover meal. They would never visit her home and sit with her husband and children.

           But now? Oh, now she could be the woman of the house. A proud Jewish wife and maybe even mother. She’d stand with her husband, welcoming everyone into her home. She’d introduce her children, all named with purpose and beautiful meanings. She wouldn’t be that blind girl. No one would pity her.

           “I think that’s a lovely idea.” She murmured and pulled him back for a deep kiss.

Permanent Tag: @sansajonsastark​ @giftofdreams​

Tag List: @zazasblogxx​ @thinkingsofamadwoman​ @deaflikehawkeye​

Masterlist

[punkscowardschampions]

Gen 4 Ideas

Junie B Jones: Alright so golden boy lucked out in all the ways the others didn't, is he a dick with it or a good egg? Embert: In my head, he's always been not a dick about it but obviously in relating to his sibs/fam, there's only so much he could do when Indie's resentment is already real so maybe her kids wouldn't fuck with him by the side of the story they've been told? Junie B Jones: ooh that's a good idea Embert: Astrid would've been mad as a kid but now they could be pretty close, obvs there's still the age gap and obvious reasons why not besties but I think they'd get on Junie B Jones: Yeah I vibe that she'd love him and like wanna look after him even though it'd lowkey be him looking after her more Embert: Exactly Embert: his mum, in my head is about early- mid 30s to Drew's 47 when he's born, as you say not much older than Indie but not like a bimbo 20 something and she's always been really mothering, like everything Ro ain't tbh so Callum is probably spoilt by her but not in a financial way like some but with love Junie B Jones: Indie would not fuck with her obvs but Astrid would so that adds to their closeness Embert: Exactly, like its too late for Indie literally she's having her own kids at the same time so she doesn't need a mum now and I reckon the woman would respect that, she's a good egg, like she knows Drew has been shit and ain't gonna make apologies for it, ahem, Ro, ahem Junie B Jones: I like the sound of her tbh soz we killing your son Embert: Maybe she should have kids from a previous? Because if he's her only son like I'm so sorry lol Junie B Jones: Yasss I love that because more interactions we can do Junie B Jones: [potentially one of Indie's sons get with I assume they are straight? Callum's half sisters even if it's not like a lasting ship should defs happen] Embert: Perhaps this mum goes for like bad eggs so this sister was old enough to remember like however many partners before Drew so then when she gets with him and he's clearly him she's like nah and makes his life difficult 'cos don't wanna do it again Embert: [If she's 5/6 when Callum that makes her 7/8 years older than Dash] Junie B Jones: [early 20s sudden death situ] Junie B Jones: he should have a boyfriend/girlfriend whatever when he dies who's also lowkey part of the fam cos then it's awks like do I stay or go Embert: ooh that's a good idea Embert: he's probably straight but maybe we could do bi so he's a less annoying example of a gay than most we've done whoops Junie B Jones: a mood Embert: so a girlfriend who is really close to his fam Junie B Jones: and really pretty damn Embert: he probably has a job I think, I can't see him being super academic Embert: maybe something like an estate agent or in a bank, a job where you show up and wear a suit Junie B Jones: his girlfriend could work there too cos that couple Junie B Jones: so when he dies she's not gonna wanna go back there either Embert: what fun Embert: but real Embert: they're just pretty and living their best life but in a chill way Junie B Jones: we all know the vibe Embert: Cosmo, same age as Callum, Indie's 1st Embert: so in my head the dad always plays football with them both and without intending to be pushy, does push him into that field, clearly Dash weren't as good/arsed whatever so it kinda all ends up on him because say he does get into an academy/on a junior team Embert: so then that becomes his life, training and matches and all that intenseness that comes with Embert: not to mention lad lifestyle, getting with WAG type girls, always going out partying, you know the vibe Junie B Jones: whereas Dash be like nah this ain't fun anymore I'm out Junie B Jones: cos I don't think he sticks with anything Embert: what if, their dad gets injured Embert: or tbh, is too lowkey old 'cos they put them out to pasture real quick Embert: I think by the time they're 19/17 when we start it, he'd already be too old to be a professional himself, so he could be a coach, hence he'd be even more pushy 'cos he could be on a professional team by now, they're ridiculously young like Junie B Jones: yeah it's usually like 30s at the latest isn't it unless you're like famous af which we ain't going that hard Embert: exactly, so without intending to its like, take on your dad's legacy Embert: 'cos in my mind he isn't naturally inclined to be like a ladladlad and is just doing it to be the full-package Junie B Jones: poor boy, again we all know the vibe Embert: 21st bday breakdown Embert: I think the zoe kravitz girl should still exist in some way, obviously not the way before Embert: because she's so anti-wag and clearly what he's actually into Junie B Jones: we could stay that Dash fucked her and that's how they cross paths if we want Junie B Jones: but he's clearly not interested and they are into each other Embert: it has potential to be different from other ships we've done 'cos he'd be tryna keep her on the dl which is shady but not just being an out and out dick Embert: like, I like you but no one can know don't ask why Junie B Jones: I agree, it'd be really interesting Embert: 'cos from her POV, casual headfuck Embert: used to boys being like Dash and just being like bye but not like showing you they like you then blanking you Junie B Jones: exactly dr phil I'm invested already tbh Junie B Jones: I also imagine Dash hanging at the commune so there's potential for lots of different dynamics there and he could be there when the fire too if we want/need but obvs not hurt or anything Junie B Jones: I'm also lowkey debating having Jules from Euphoria as one of his many love interests cos like her face and we've never done trans but it'd be a good way without it being someone's whole identity Embert: OH Embert: this is a tangent based on that thought which I also feel btw Embert: but Astrid's face is like bffs with the Kat face from Euphoria irl, so I'm thinking what if that's her gf and she's the one with an eating disorder, bulimia vibes, and then 'cos Astrid is her she's like okay you must be right Imma support you in this and accidentally enables her/joins in too Junie B Jones: YAAS I WAS GONNA SAY I WANNA USE HER FACE TOO BECAUSE SHE'S BEAUTIFUL BUT I DIDN'T KNOW WHERE/HOW Junie B Jones: this makes so much sense Embert: exactly, with Ro as a mum she wouldn't even question it, like oh yeah I guess you are fat you probably should, even though she'd think she's so pretty and perfect Junie B Jones: Boo you are so smart Embert: also, when we killing Ro, by this point she's like 54 Embert: okay, so Ro is 34/35 when Astrid is born so if we kill her off when she's 9 that would make Ro 43, so 2044, so when we're doing Astrid's story at 19, its about 10 years ago Junie B Jones: I like that cos it's not raw for these characters Junie B Jones: we're actually gonna let you recover though ladies, fuck you ghost Ro Embert: Seriously, like I don't want it to be full-blown its more of a deep insecurity thing but one she can get past Junie B Jones: 100% feel that Junie B Jones: [so yeah like I said just gonna write this down so we don't forget the Jules girl lives at the commune and probably has done for quite a few years by the time the fire happens so then she's got nowhere to go and goes to stay with Dash cos step up for someone dickhead and they are either otp or brotp to be decided] Junie B Jones: because I think he wouldn't be as supportive as he should be to Cosmo's whole breakdown in the sort of ableist vein of oh well you overreacted Embert: it fits, 'cos in my head its a very Nick and Matty vibe where they don't acknowledge each other Embert: like the whole 'how is that your brother' moment from his footie friends and being like yeah I know Junie B Jones: same tbh cos Dash's friends would be like damn your bro is uptight Embert: exactly so they aren't close anyway Junie B Jones: and never are [evil laugh] Embert: soz Indie Junie B Jones: not your fault babe they are just too different it happens Embert: although part of the breakdown is obvious resentment that he's just allowed to be a fuckup and he feels like he has to do all this shit and be perfect so Embert: that kinda does need to be acknowledged if we're going recovery Junie B Jones: family therapy time Embert: 'cos like if Dash just continues to be him and shit it'll come to brawl even if he has to stop being this footballer moment and do what he wants, its still about how its all come down on him, you know Junie B Jones: they totally should have a fight cos what a moment Embert: yeah, like it either fixes or breaks totally, I don't think they can just be meh Junie B Jones: agreed Junie B Jones: maybe we could do like a Joe mood of him distancing himself from the whole fam but then ultimately a more healthy resolution for everyone Embert: We could work that Junie B Jones: and obvs him ultimately getting with his gf and figuring out what he wants to do with his life and all that jazz Embert: exactly dr phil Junie B Jones: and Dash can work out what he cares about whatever the hell that turns out to be Embert: Jac is born 48, (year after Callum and Cosmo and same year as Ollie's girl, Mila) Jude is 49, as is Lily's 1st boy Adi and dash, Jameson is 51, same year as Lily's girl Priya, a year after Ollie's boy Ash, Iggy's 1st Arlo, Diego's kid Tayo and Bobby's teen pregnancy girl Cammie Embert: My characters, Callum, Cosmo, Mila, Jac, Adi, Jameson Embert: My boos, Dash, Jude, Priya, Ash, Arlo, Tayo & Cammie Embert: Potentials, Jac, Jameson and Cammie, would've been raised together, essentially Embert: Jimmy is a photographer for advertising, Bobby a graphic designer for same and Janis as a massage therapist moment Embert: Cammie has 2 younger brothers born 60 and 62 so they exist but we aren't playing Junie B Jones: lots of dogs please Embert: all the dogs lmao Embert: so my initial vibe for Jac is that she's like JJ in the sense she's quite grumpy and anti-social 'cos it suits her face but also with a more shy but not shy if you know what I mean vibe, 'cos they're both quite self-assured and I don't see that for her, I potentially see Jude having that element though? Junie B Jones: I agree, like I don't wanna shamelessly Miley but I defs see her as being that self assured kid Embert: the most out of anyway Embert: Jameson should be their nerdy side because the Cammie face has a very Cara silly side when you peep her socials so that could be those two Junie B Jones: Cute cos he looks like such a bad boy but he's actually a babe Embert: I know we said this for Adonis so either need to change it to him or not go as hard but what if he gets a gf that's like really jealous and doesn't let him hang with Cammie 'cos she's a girl even though they're like siblings and have been besties long before you came Embert: and like she could try and change his personality like be really unimpressed and like 'you're embarrassing me' if he tries to be a cute nerd Junie B Jones: I love that because always such a thing like boys and girls can't be friends like bitch we're related calm down we're not incesting again Junie B Jones: like she thought he was such a badass or whatever soz hun Embert: yeah like the mood of, you're fit so i'll just make you what I want you to be Embert: and she could be a real cunt to Cammie in sly bitchy ways 'cos clearly the mood and that's a throwback to how Mia and co treated Janis without us like putting this fam through too much trauma, you know? Embert: esp if Cammie is less like Janis and Cass in a way she's not like, fuck you, I'll just deck you Junie B Jones: I fuck with this heavily Embert: and obviously, it can be resolved in the end, he can get rid and they can be friends again, so I feel its a good level of angst and drama for them both, 'cos it is serious but not like, well there's nothing to be done, vibes Junie B Jones: and we can potentially ramp up the angst when things are at their worst cos maybe Cammie's mum gets a new job and she's like come live with me in wherever (not far but like far enough she would've been like no cos close to them all and not wanting to change schools) but she's like maybe I shall but then of course won't cos it's like the peppa pig when her mum don't get the job and gets mugged off Junie B Jones: but they all think she's going and it's like noooo Embert: are Bobby and this mum still together, like is she the boys mum too? Embert: but yes, I fuck with that Junie B Jones: In my head they would've been together for ages so it depends how far back we go into their childhood/teens but maybe she isn't the mum to the boys Embert: Okay just so we know Junie B Jones: but they always on good terms we don't need that drama again Embert: yeah I feel you, and she's chill with the boys mum, 'cos she's only 10 when the first one is born so she's been around since then? Junie B Jones: Yeah exactly Junie B Jones: We can potentially give her more younger sibs on the mums side if we want but they'd also only be ref-ed Embert: defs plausible Junie B Jones: Like let's say they broke up when Cammie's like 7 so it's all chill on both sides Embert: I vibe Junie B Jones: she could totally spend half the week at her mum's house and half at her dad's but same school cos nearby so again no drama Embert: that makes sense like its all in the area 'til she wanna pull a suzy sheep Junie B Jones: hahaha yeah Embert: so that's a start for those two Junie B Jones: I really like that Junie B Jones: it's just what we wanna do with the girls Embert: I was thinking Embert: and I'm just speaking it out now Embert: we've done people being shunned out of their friendship group/being the bullied Embert: but what if we do someone being the sort of ringleader of the shunning Embert: I'm vibing like you know that story we listened to/all teen girl murder stories, like Jac has a friend that she's really too close with (Grace and Mia vibes) and we show them like ditching a third Embert: maybe something happens, not murder but like you know, an action serious enough that she's like I need to sort my shit/we can redeem in the end Embert: but she's the Mia, not the Grace, you feel me, like its her pushing it Junie B Jones: Oh snap I never even thought of that but we haven't actually that's such a good point even if Janis would be so triggered by the ghost of Mia lol Junie B Jones: Like yeah there could totally be some kind of accident like how baby Ali and Ro but she's not a child Junie B Jones: I also like it cos Jude is the louder one so you'd think it'd be her but it's the quiet ones you've gotta watch Junie B Jones: and it's a nice contrast to how Cammie and Jameson are literally being bullied so Junie B Jones: maybe we should have jude as like more of a background character then? cos don't want too much drama in one fam unless it's as big as Cali's Embert: Yeah she can be more chill, like a Tommy vibe, like we use her but only when we need lowkey Junie B Jones: Yeah like obvs I'll still try and flesh her out into a character and who knows what could happen like we could think of a cool ship or whatever but Junie B Jones: it makes sense as of now Embert: agreed Embert: like obvs this twosome vibe has a lesbian one 'cos always do but I maintain she shouldn't ever like get with her it should just be friends that are too obsessed with each other, regardless of what's behind it Embert: like maybe the other girl is closeted or whatever but it ain't happening lol Junie B Jones: I agree she gives me straight vibes Embert: plus it would be easy to make her gay 'cos everyone does ala Lily Junie B Jones: not doing it on principle Junie B Jones: they all seem straight to me in this group Embert: I think so Embert: 'cos like you said, you don't wanna make Miley Junie B Jones: it would be so easy to make her a musician but I must not Junie B Jones: I might make her a tattoo artist though professionally cos Ali and Iggy both dabbled but it was never a thing Embert: That's a good idea, she fits that well Embert: okay so my random idea, which we could attach to anyone really but let's see who we vibe Embert: we did a teacher crush, what if we did a crush on a friend's parent Embert: so Arlo having a crush on a commune mum and thinking he can go there 'cos why not and then the shitstorm that can ensue from that Junie B Jones: such a good idea Junie B Jones: like maybe his friend is a girl so peeps be like aw he likes you he's trying to get your mum on side Embert: yas again, always a thing like maybe he's just lowkey using you soz babe Junie B Jones: and maybe the friend actually fancies him secretly even though they 'just friends' so it's awks af Embert: yeah and if Barley's boyf is with this fam and they leave Embert: she could be the one (or one of the ones) like I said that wants to be normal and already hates living here so its like well you took the one thing Embert: 'cos we said dating within the commune for the kids wouldn't be encouraged obvs 'cos one big family, so the fact she was was already like no no missy Embert: then we said about her not acknowledging the other mum/the two kids that are from that woman as family and just generally fucking with your hippie paradise 'cos its coming to and end lads Junie B Jones: 10000% and she could still be sneaky seeing him long distance behind their backs/ get back with him after the fire when they have to leave themselves/both if long distance is too hard Embert: I vibe with this 'voice of reason' character for you Embert: like no wonder he fucked up you can't give us 'no rules' but then have all these unspoken ones that contradict how you wanna live like, loads of this hippie bullshit is so hypocritical read 'em tbh Junie B Jones: it makes sense cos Arlo as the oldest buys in totally and then the two kids she don't fuck with come after her in quick succession so it's logical Embert: exactly, and then Shea is her biological sister and the baby so she don't know nothing about nothing Junie B Jones: Okay so Echo is like a Naomi vibe v passionate and studious and does not fuck with commune life etc Junie B Jones: wants to be some kind of researcher/ lecturer kind of vibe in like philosophy but a nihilist not hippie bullshit Junie B Jones: Arlo and Dash should be friends I say even though I play them both but just acknowledged Embert: I thought the same Embert: Dash would probs encourage him with this crush lbr like thanks Junie B Jones: I was just gonna say that cos he's always getting with older girls and generally being a hoe Embert: Exactly Embert: right, so circling back a lil, we can do Cass' Embert: what do you reckon her relationship status is and her career Junie B Jones: her career should be like we said she's set up a charity organisation to look for missing people Junie B Jones: she should still be with her man cos everyone's breaking up looking at you bobert Junie B Jones: maybe their marriage is lowkey a bit dead though and its a stay together til the kids move out mood cos we've never Embert: I vibe, 'cos casually triggering Jimmy but not in an OTT way just like well that's sad Junie B Jones: yeah like neither of them would cheat or be violent or any of that Ian shit but they obvs not in love anymore Embert: its a good way to do it 'cos idc what you say the kids always know and obvs we're unlikely to ever do that in a ship 'cos if they make it to adulthood they're OTP and teens don't stick together just 'cos like lol Junie B Jones: exactly my thought and like she would wanna hold it together and think that she was doing it well cos of Ian like Embert: exactly like it is sad but when that's your standard you would think you were slaying it Embert: like the positive she can see with JJ she might just think that's one-off and she can't have that 'cos obvs around the time she has the boys, Bobby's first has fallen apart Junie B Jones: and because JJ are such a good couple you wouldn't wanna be like my relationship has failed bye Embert: samesies babe lol Junie B Jones: ooh and maybe they aren't married so if one of them leaves the other gets fuck all Embert: which assumedly, is her because as much as you do get salary for charity work, if its a smaller one, she wouldn't be bringing in the bulk so the mortgage could be in his name Embert: so she'd be in the position of moving out into a one bed flat, two if she was lucky so the boys could at least come see her, it happens that way a lot Junie B Jones: precisely what I was thinking Junie B Jones: it's sad but real Embert: idea though, although this is suddenly just becoming about Cass not her kids lmao, what if her lil boyfriend from back in the day was Tylers face and then they can reconnect later but its actually a positive and not drow Junie B Jones: He was and they should cos I'm screaming Embert: again, he can bring kids into the mix for faces and stories should we wanna Embert: but it'd be a nice way to take a situ that is sad and shit for her, and for her boys to see, and then have a happy but realistic ending like yeah you do need to leave your man but you can be happy and it'll be alright Junie B Jones: I love it Embert: Alex having anger issues like Cass did and also due to the home situ as mentioned, Max, as the older brother trying to hold it down in a very Jimothy way and not causing more trouble as he sees it Embert: Alex ending up in young offenders but actually turning it around/ending up okay too Junie B Jones: and there's potential for characters he could interact with when he's in there, before and after Junie B Jones: like remember on DG when Electra was in that gang and then the bitch came back around like Embert: yes I do FAT mood Embert: also Max should get help too 'cos it ain't just the one that causes trouble that needs it and its nice full circle for that fam to have that Embert: but my idea, could be related to Alex but I think is big enough we could give this to another character entirely Embert: you remember on this is england when combo turned it around and he saved lol and he was working with the young people and making a difference but then milky set his fam on him for what he did to him when he was a racist and was like you have to pay and he was like okay Embert: what if something like that happened like, Alex DID hurt someone, or like I said, another character did, and did do something bad Embert: but then turned it around but sometimes you do for yourself but you still have to pay and the person you wronged could call that at any moment and you just being good now isn't good enough for them Junie B Jones: OKAY YES because what if another character is doing that shit with Alex but don't get caught and so they carry on and escalate and yeah they do hurt someone and yeah it's like that Embert: what about Israel 'cos he's the same age Embert: and it can be another sins of the father moment, 'cos Pablo is a dick especially to women like he's 34 when he has his one child 'cos he's still being a fuckboy very Drew Embert: so he is not a good role model in anyway Junie B Jones: and like we said that'd make sense like if he started out stealing and shit because Pablo's debts and being bankrupt but he wants nice things like it all ties in he has his own motivations Embert: right, fully Embert: maybe he ends up doing something to a girl, like something Pablo would never but shows how your kids see you isn't how you see yourself if you often show a bad side of you to the world Embert: 'cos then the girls family/friends/boyfriend anything could come for him and its like, fair Junie B Jones: OMG THO that's so legit Embert: 'cos we said an assault moment 'cos that's something that's indefensible Embert: like stealing and drugs and what have you, its scummy but you see why, like we all get why Tess has to deal etc Junie B Jones: we have to Embert: so if we want a family death, that could be one, again, leaves you conflicted Embert: 'cos no one obvs wants him to die but then he did do a bad thing so you can't blame her family fully Junie B Jones: yeah instead of killing of fam in the fire we could kill him instead that's so much more interesting Embert: *** in said commune fire, Dash gets burnt, severely, face/neck area, and changes his life 'cos people change around you, you can't rely on your looks and you aren't gonna just sit around and get stoned when you nearly die, Jules can and will still fuck with him Embert: Zelda having Crohns or UC and having a stoma and meeting someone brotp or otp at a support group/hospital moment, dealing with people being shady/saying you aren't disabled etc all those fun times and then the person dying and losing that understanding you only get from someone who also has the thing you have Embert: ALSO I've had another idea whilst we're just spitballing Junie B Jones: Me too because we mentioned Tayo and like yeah I've said about K-stew being a carer to her mum but we could do some of that too in a different way like maybe unlike her he really doesn't wanna be/is scared of having to cope alone with his mum's fits and shit like Embert: I'm so about that Embert: 'cos so many kids have to and its really hard and thankless, so he 100% needs a confidant whether its within the fam or a friend or OTP moment Junie B Jones: like maybe he doesn't ever wanna be alone with her now in case and it's like putting a strain on their whole relationship obvs Embert: 'cos Diego has his own things like he gotta work etc he's not like a replacement carer Junie B Jones: yeah like he'd do a lot of course but he also works a lot Embert: so Adi because his mum also has a disability like it isn't the same but he'd get it enough to not be totally clueless and annoying Junie B Jones: yeah and they can have fun together it'd be cute Embert: Wid it Embert: so my idea, completely unrelated but I was thinking we need to give someone an addiction issue but someone who gets over it and is within the fam 'cos like Joe and Ronnie do but you know they're still like, fucked and not here lowkey so Embert: I was like hmm who can I and then I was like, it NEEDS to be a ruster child Embert: because its canon that Fraze drinks too much and doesn't address it and Buster is v similar Embert: so yeah genetic and also if it was drink, they'd not take it serious just like oh slow down a bit but you're fine but then it affects the kid in the ways it didn't affect them like not functioning and not going to work etc so they have to take it serious Embert: also think it should be one of the girls 'cos double standard of being like a lad Embert: is going to be Sekhmet, okay Junie B Jones: because the twins and their younger sister could all be lowkey party girls because rich so they'd all have to deal with the change in their social lives and behaviour Junie B Jones: since she'd need to not drink ever again let's assume Junie B Jones: we know the whole fam is about that party and entertaining life Embert: exactly so like, they're all gonna be put out like really, just don't go as hard and ruin it for yourself and us Embert: hence it can get to a problematic stage like they just think she's being a typical teen/20-something 'cos it is socially acceptable to binge and be a mess like ok Embert: my vibe is she's in uni but also has an internship that she royally fucks up 'cos she can't get in on time and then maybe there's like a work dinner like on can't cope won't cope and she is wrecked and embarrasses herself and the boss is like goodbye 'cos no one fails in this fam its not an option and if you do its all on you so Junie B Jones: and maybe one of her sister's is a DJ cos literally a lifestyle and they'll have to be like excuse me while I go straight edge to support my sister Embert: I can see that for her twin Embert: my idea for her is fashion but actually designing and buying and the business side of it, not like, imma just model 'cos I'm pretty, no shade Junie B Jones: Yeah the aesthetic feels real for both of those tbh Junie B Jones: Their sister is a holiday rep so loads of travel loads of club promo etc Embert: Jay is a PT, mommy issues for commitment etc, travels a lot, ultimately will get over commitment phobia; is 6 when Chloe admits Buster is her dad (as Ruster was outed around the time she was born, Chloe denied it and went with James, James goes uni and finds someone else so that being over etc can prompt her to change her mind) and allows access, at 11, moves in with Ruster for good (Chloe has new man and babies what have you so allows it without argument which also fucks her up duh) Saint is 8, King is 6, Venus is 5, Adonis is 4, the twins are 2 and Nefertari is 1 Embert: so when all the Venus drama is unfolding, surprise you have a child too Buster lol, Saint is 3, King is 1, Venus is baby Embert: so Saint Embert: firstborn son, their first child too which is relevant 'cos both Jay and Venus would get doubly spoiled either side of him for not being Embert: so then he'd probably get spoiled too 'cos just a mess of a time really Embert: like he can't not be a bit of a prick really 'cos he can do no wrong and no offense to the other two boys but he's the most masc and conventionally 'perfect' so that's obvs going to your head too Embert: okay so mood, Leilani is 15 when her mum (works with Grace, close) dies in 2053 and Grace, 30, takes her in so she doesn't have to do a care moment or be homeless and struggling alone Embert: is friends with Stevie from joining this fam, can also know Janis' kids before this even but is 6/7/8 years older than them so knows them more in a protective capacity than a friend vibe Embert: comes in Saint who is 3 years older, thinks he's god's gift, tries to sleep with her just 'cos lbr and when he gets a no his world is shooketh 'cos no one tells him no for all the reasons Embert: can end up friends when he's humbled etc Junie B Jones: oh but maybe King is little and really fierce like 🥊 Junie B Jones: don't be underestimating him so hard dickheads Junie B Jones: he should be the angry one lol Embert: you would be if people treated you like that so I buy it Junie B Jones: all of y'all stop being extra and let him live Embert: and no one takes your anger seriously if you can't do anything about it so again, real Junie B Jones: so rude Embert: Next up is Venus good lord Junie B Jones: we know what the story is, her dad only cares when she's little and cute and lives in Paris anyway pretending he's still in his 20s forever instead of a grown ass man Junie B Jones: would obvs be proud when she's gay though even though can't relate to anything about the female form cos that kind of gay Junie B Jones: like Saint she thinks she's gods gift but unlike him how are we backing that up hun cos unlike him you aren't talented at anything you're just pretentious Junie B Jones: like okay you're beautiful but JESUS you know it and can't take any criticism again like Saint but you're never getting humbled Junie B Jones: instead you're getting a gf who looks like you and probably a fine arts degree pop off sis Junie B Jones: only wanna be part of the fam when it suits you which is when you're getting spoilt Embert: but I think we don't have to redeem her 'cos like, its not a fixable situ so you just get to be a shit person 'cos you got fucked over and that is everyone's bad Embert: like they can't take it back, even though you could also blame your father 'cos he's more at fault than anyone else 'cos he should've never but you do you girl Junie B Jones: yeah and not everyone gets redeemed even when they can be so it's real Embert: that said, I think she should have a teen gf that looks like her as we said but then she realizes she can't hack any situ where she potentially might not be the 'prettiest' so she then only dates butches Embert: or androgenous artsy types but no femmes Junie B Jones: I feel that for her Embert: like she literally should be in love with this girl as much as she's capable but dump her 'cos clearly your insecurities are so deep-rooted Embert: then just be with people you lowkey don't even fancy Embert: 'cos then we could play that out, the girl just like what the fuck Junie B Jones: oh honey Embert: we all know hoes that sabotage themselves always and then blame the world Embert: which starts by picking to be on her dad's 'side' even though everyone can see he's most at fault, even you Junie B Jones: bitch #past me I am triggered by this Embert: like a lot of her stuff I feel like we just know at this point so it might not be all here 'cos its well developed within gen 3 Embert: we know that her and Jay just would not get on, mainly 'cos they aren't alike but do you wanna come at it from her POV and then I will Venus' Junie B Jones: I think the way she sees it is like she is so team ruster like she'd refer to Rio as her mum and shit cos Chloe is not the one and so she would not fuck with how Venus treats the fam and doesn't wanna be part of it but is still happy to benefit from it Junie B Jones: And how quick she is to call peeps racist or fatphobic or whatever else would not ever help the situ of course like bitch I'm trying to talk to you Junie B Jones: But also there's some similarities whether they acknowledge them or not in them both not being able to hack relationships that makes it interesting as another reason to avoid talking to/ acknowledging each other seriously Junie B Jones: like she'd so pretend Chloe doesn't exist if someone mentioned her mum she'd be all oh you mean Rio lol lol lol Embert: 100000% all of that Embert: also another reason you cannot fuck with each other, casually never shutting up about your dad Embert: okay, so from her POV I vibe it that as a kid she literally just wanted all the attention and 'til the twins which is when she's 3 so (literally so petty you can't remember) its like I should've been the only girl and you came and took my attention lmao Junie B Jones: Oh god she'd be such an annoying child though Embert: then as they get older and she doesn't want to be part of the fam she'd think its unfair (as if Jay can help it lol) that Jay is obviously not Rio's 'cos she's white whereas she fits Embert: its the anti-Edie of it all Embert: like I fit and I wish I didn't Embert: basically she doesn't wanna be here but she's not a runaway type or willing to not live lavish so she ain't leaving Embert: she needs her dad to take her in but he's said no so like, you'll have to make it happen yourself but how Junie B Jones: sad but true Embert: and you can only feel so bad 'cos she whines like she's dying in all situations but like Embert: it ain't that bad and there's plenty you could do about your situation so Junie B Jones: Grace of this gen I've said it before baby Embert: oh honey Embert: makes you barren to humble is not an option 'cos you wouldn't want kids Embert: the tea of it all like you wanna live like your dad but he had a kid and shouldn't be so pick a better role model tah Junie B Jones: literally this fam is so big you're surrounded by potential worthwhile role models girl Embert: honestly she'll never be satisfied she's that hoe in a very Ro way like my god do something about it but she won't Embert: casually making it your life's work to make everything harder than it needs to just be miserable because something happened to you when you were a baby (again, so Ro) that you couldn't control Junie B Jones: all y'all frustrate me like I wasn't that bitch #tea Embert: loads of peeps are never happy though or are but then lose it so or fuck it up, we gave Ro a kid as a chance and I think Venus should actually love this girl/ she should be good for her in a way that makes her feel #seen hence she has to end it too Junie B Jones: agreed and she never gets her back because sometimes you don't and you can't Embert: mhmm mhmm mhmm Embert: I don't think we need to go as in-depth on any of the other sibs, like Saint would probably tolerate her the best, as mentioned she'd patronize King 'cos just that bitch without it being intentional 'cos self-absorbed, Adonis would do his best to ignore her and she wouldn't fuck with any of the girls 'cos she can't with girls so Junie B Jones: agreed on the legitness of all that Junie B Jones: Oh maybe Xander could be a hypochondriac because his sister is actually ill all the time like remember on skins when Liv thought she was dying Junie B Jones: obvious idea but I'm drawing a blank otherwise like Junie B Jones: also have we ever done online dating? Junie B Jones: because my thought is maybe he's lowkey catfishing someone pretending to be like a badass when obvs not Junie B Jones: like maybe he catfishes loads of peeps as if it's a hobby Junie B Jones: but then someone could find him out Embert: that's a really good idea 'cos we haven't Junie B Jones: like potential for otp/brotp to come from that even in a slow burn way Junie B Jones: if they end up liking who he actually is or whatever Junie B Jones: despite everything that's happened Junie B Jones: oh snap what if he's using pics of one of the other boy characters and whoever he's catfishing finds that person's socials or whatever and are talking to them thinking they are a thing and the person be like um Embert: omg yes Junie B Jones: Jameson was my immediate thought cos badass look and you play him but could be Ollie's boy cos also or whoever else Junie B Jones: cos they don't need to be a you character necessarily could just refer like Embert: that ties in well though 'cos his jealous girlfriend Embert: make it a huge thing so then Xander kinda has to shame himself like that was me 'cos feels bad that he's now getting accused of cheating even though it'd be a blessing to be out of that relationship Junie B Jones: ooh true that'd be good Embert: and the other person/the catfished could have like found his socials and seen he was in a relationship/know 'cos his highkey gf and be like calling him out so less embarrassing on their end 'cos bad enough they're being catfished as is Junie B Jones: that's a really good idea Junie B Jones: even with the age gap between Xander and him I still think we can make it work cos adds to the catfish of it all Junie B Jones: even if we can't then get him with the catfished person we can always do that he's himself online in the future and blah Embert: yah Embert: wid it Embert: so Stevie Embert: Billie is 17 when she has you with another male model in NYC, you live your life with Nancy too so factor that in Embert: moving back to Dublin when you're 10 and like, maybe the dad and her have phonecalls but like, he doesn't make an appropriate amount of effort like Junie B Jones: visit her you dick Embert: and we've said that Billie as a mum is like not the best 'cos Edie only died like 3 years ago when this and she left 'cos not coping so its not like NYC fixed her or anything Embert: she'd take care of her but she'd be distant 'cos giving a shit too much fucked her up so Junie B Jones: sad but true soz Stevie babe Embert: we also said before she'd like take her to work and shenanigans that someone like Venus would think is so cool but she does not 'cos it would actually be so boring if that was your life and you had to Junie B Jones: and on any shoot there's so much sitting around even if you're the person doing it never mind for her Embert: exactly, like in my head they make a ThingTM of them being like a model couple with a model ass child but as soon as she's old enough to have say she's like well I don't wanna do it thanks Junie B Jones: a mood Embert: so my vibe when they go back to Dublin is Billie has to face up to what she's not for the last what, 13 years Embert: so she'd lowkey be a bit of a wreck no offense so I feel like someone else needs to take care of her but I'm like Embert: do we make Nancy come back for a bit like the #lifepartner she is or do we say someone else does lol Junie B Jones: we could because it'd be less traumatic for Stevie or we could make someone in the fam and make it more awks for her Embert: I don't know which way I prefer it lol, also from a Nancy POV Embert: like should you come back or are you good you know Embert: hmm Junie B Jones: yeah I'm not sure what I fuck with more, who would be able to if not her cos that might help us decide Embert: so it would be 48, let us see Embert: Ruster have all their kids, including Jay Embert: hokay so Embert: maybe we bring Nancy back but she's like ehh about it like obviously she can work from wherever anyway but she's dedicating to some time she can't really travel whilst Billie sorts herself so she could be talking to Junie about it 'cos can vent without sounding like a bitch and he's like I'll come help and then she can help him get back in touch with the family properly 'cos low-key avoiding everyone else still and Venus is the same age as Stevie so if this is happening when she's like 10, Junior could actually talk to her and explain what happened from his perspective and answer questions best he can Embert: and like she can pretend it never happened when she's older but it did, like not saying it has to be good enough for you but he did try Junie B Jones: that makes my heart happy cos he's so young still don't be in exile forever boy Embert: and like Nancy can spend the time with all the Ruster kids too and reconnect more herself Embert: like they can both go back 'cos Billie won't be like totally incapable forever but they can both put in the time and feel better about it Junie B Jones: Okay so then she's like 12 ish and back with her mum and shit is better but obvs her dad is still not showing up ever Embert: and you have an accent and a 'famous' (ish) mum and you've been in shoots with her and you're pretty and so to me a vibe of like, this is too much attention and I'm not about it seems real Embert: not even necessarily shy just like, everyone likes me for the wrong reasons vibe and I don't fuck with it Junie B Jones: that's very real Junie B Jones: so if we did do the opposite of Jay and Venus and like I gotta find someone to like me for the right reasons and give it my all I think that would make sense Embert: I see it Embert: and she isn't like woe is me about it 'cos that would be unbearable but she's also not faking it like I'M LOVING LIFE and bad shit has happened so Junie B Jones: Yeah exactly Junie B Jones: and like nobody could blame her for being 'too much' with said person if her mum and dad are both distant Embert: exactly and she'd probably need to have a fair few failed relationships 'cos people aren't about that for loads of reasons like you're too full on too quick, or people would be about that for the wrong, i.e. they sense it and use it against you so then you have to leave which she'd be bad at doing so, in that case, she should have a boyfriend/girlfriend who is equally fucked but in different ways and its just a disaster 'cos she won't be the one to end it Junie B Jones: I feel that, there's loads of potential for doomed relationships there Embert: like, it doesn't even have to be like they're abusive levels of bad, its just it doesn't work and they treat her like crap in a like, do something about it way and then she don't and they're like...why, lowkey what's wrong with you Embert: like it could end up being right but not through the relationship but just by being like, you gotta work on that Junie B Jones: 100% Embert: much like how Grace was with boys like lowkey just love me and I'll deal with whatever tbh Junie B Jones: maybe there's someone on the sidelines watching this like I wish you'd sort your shit cos ILY but we can't be a thingTM Embert: I'd vibe Junie B Jones: idk who or why but like who doesn't love pining from afar while someone fucks their life up Embert: so helpful whoever you are godbless Junie B Jones: honestly Junie B Jones: and they should get together like this man thinking he's gonna fix her and it's like guess what twat you can't Embert: and it takes someone actually wanting you and wanting to to be like hmm, I gotta fix myself 'cos this ain't it Junie B Jones: mhmmmm Embert: I think we can start Junie B Jones: we did it boo *Echo abortion storyline

[octannibal-blake]

love me in whatever way

rating: Mature (language)

words: 2,943

(ao3)

One of the first rules they teach you in medical school is that you are, by no means, supposed to have any attachment to the patient.

And of course, Clarke breaks that rule within a year of her first real job.

It’s not that she had planned to grow attached to Bellamy Blake. It just happened. He’s been there for her worst moments, supportive and calm and strong. Without him, she’s almost sure she would have fallen apart, nothing left but a pile of broken pieces and dust.

It goes like this: Clarke moved nearly 3,000 miles from home for a job as an Emergency Room Doctor at Arkadia Memorial. Why? Because there was nothing left except an ex-fiancé and her best friends grave in her home town and this was her chance to start over. Exciting as the job was, settling in proved to be difficult. Until it wasn’t.

The Meeting: a new doctor believes in the privacy and respect of all humans, even one’s who have committed a crime. And yes, even if the crime was within the same two hours that they arrive at the hospital. Enter the cop: Bellamy fucking Blake who is argumentative and the epitome of the Big Dick Energy™ in the worst way. She convinces him to leave after an explosive argument that could have very well gotten her fired, because professionalism is often synonymous to kissing ass, but karma seems to be very, very real. The patient somehow manages to slip his bed restraint and stab her in the arm with a pair of surgical scissors. Good thing there was a cop around, huh?

Despite the less than stellar circumstances that brought them together, she makes her first friend that day. Bellamy sits with her to take the police report once the patient is restrained, and even waits while one of the nurses removes and cleans the small wound in her arm. She learns that he’s new to the policing thing and she’ll never forget his answer when she asked him why.

“Things are weird right now for cops,” his leg was bouncing anxiously as they waited, his eyes watching as each nurse passed by, “And I asked myself how to make it better? How to stop all the fucked up stuff they keep doing and still bring justice to those who deserve it. The answer was easy: Be the change you wish to see in the world.”

In any other situation, Clarke would have found quoting Gandhi to be a tad bit pretentious, but something strange fluttered in her stomach. By the time he left to haul the patient off to jail and fulfill his duty, he was smiling at her and she found herself hoping to see him again.

As it turns out, the hospital was mostly his beat, so she began to see a lot of him. Responding to security threats. Bringing in forms. Mostly, being on guard for arrests who were on the fast track to jail but needed some sort of treatment first. So they talked. Sometimes for minutes. Sometimes for an hour – their lunch breaks weirdly coincided on almost a weekly basis.

What She Learns: Bellamy grew up under difficult conditions. A single mom in a poor neighborhood who later became absentee working three jobs to provide for her kids. A younger sister, five years younger than him, three years younger than Clarke, who relied on him and who he felt responsible for taking care of. He raised her, essentially, and she’s off now somewhere in California living a nomadic lifestyle with her hippie boyfriend. He has a dog. His best friends name is Miller. He likes history and baking and gardening. He also played lacrosse in high school. She learns everything about him.

Fuck him for that. Honestly. Because now, she’s standing in front of him as he lies in one of the sterile hospital beds and contemplating smacking him on the forehead and falling into his arms in tears.

She’s not emotionally unstable. Not really. He just brings out something in her she had forgotten existed.

“Fancy seeing you here.” He jokes, but it falls onto the hideous tile floor between them with a thud. She blinks at him, trying to find some semblance of professionalism. Her hand is slightly trembling as she grabs his chart on the wall.

The words are blurry. She can hardly make them out, but she catches enough. Gunshot wound. Right arm. Significant blood loss. No vital damage.

“You know, Princess,” she can hear the hope in his voice, like the stupid nickname will somehow erase the severity of the current situation, “This was really just an elaborate scheme to see you. I figured I would change it up, you know. I love a good roleplay.”

She has to remove herself from the room, finding her nurse and requesting the needed supplies.

“Oh, I can do that. There is a car accident in room seven.” Maya tells her, starting to move towards Bellamy’s room.

“I’ve got this.” her voice is surprisingly stable, “Won’t take long.”

She thinks about waiting outside the room until the supplies arrive. She’s not sure she can look at him again without breaking down because, fuck, he was shot. And with that understanding comes a myriad of emotions, the first of which is: what if he had died and she never told him how she felt?

The Most Recent Development: She and Bellamy became fast friends, spending more time than probably necessary together. Including, but not limited: trivia night on Wednesdays, Movie Night on Saturdays, and frequent daily texting. He was her first connection in the new town and she attached to him quickly. Except, then they weren’t just hanging out. They were making out because they’re two single objectively attractive adults and of course he’s good in bed. It’s been a thing for a couple of months and she just saw him four hours ago for fuck’s sake. Naked and happy and in one piece.

She pushes open the curtain and reenters the room, checking all the wiring and tubing to make sure it’s hooked up right. A bag of O negative is hanging above his bed, next to the bag of morphine. His eyes flutter open at the touch of her hand.

“You should see the other guy.” He smirks and she hates him at this moment. He must sense it because he sighs. “I’m fine, Clarke.”

The gunshot wound says otherwise.

She’s saved from the projectile word vomit she was about to spew on him as Maya shuffles into the room, pushing the cart with her requested supplies. She thanks the nurse and dismissed her with a nod, turning back to organize the tray. She wraps her foot around the chair and pulls it to her, sitting at his bed side.

“It’s not even that bad.” He continues, and she can feel his eyes trying to find hers. She keeps hers focused on the computer, typing in his name and birthdate. She shouldn’t have that memorized. She shouldn’t actually be treating him because the rules say not to. But she sure as hell won’t let anyone else do it.

“Really, the silent treatment?”

Clarke finally makes eye contact, glaring at him as her fingers peel back the blood-soaked bandage from his bicep. The blood is, luckily, beginning to clot and there is an exit wound almost straight through. In and out. A clean shot and if she were objectively speaking, she would tell him he’s lucky.

But it’s not really that lucky considering he got shot in the first place.

She packs and presses a thick set of gauze to the wound as her other hand begins to organize the items around her tray. She calls out to the Maya for an extra dose of numbing agent but continues to look anywhere but directly at him.

“Clarke…” he groans, leaning back against the flattened pillow.

“Don’t move.”

“You can’t actually be mad about this. I’m a cop. These things happen.” He tells her softly and she can feel his eyes on her. She hates it. She hates that she’s mad about it because a) it’s a complete violation of boundaries as a professional and b) it means she cares more than she should.

The Ugly Reality: They aren’t just friends. Never have been. Things are messy and complicated and in the midst of all of it, she could have lost him. Just like that.

She knows what his job is. She’s not naïve. It’s dangerous and crazy things happen all the time and maybe she’s being unreasonable. It’s another day on the job. Another risk that always has to be taken.

She removes the gauze once the bleeding has stopped and wipes around the area with a sterilizing solution. She hears him suck in a breath at the way it, undoubtedly, burns. She grabs the numbing agent and finally glances up at him, “Deep breath. This is going to hurt.”

He closes his eyes as she injects it, scrunching his nose in pain as the fluid enters in. She does one in the back and one in the front, and he lets out a shaky breath when she finishes. She massages the flesh around it as it kicks in.

“You’re really not going to talk to me?” he sighs. His eyes are watery when he opens them and she hates herself for looking. It causes something uncomfortable to rise in her chest, and she feels something beginning to burn behind her eyes.

“What do you want me to say?” she grabs the suture that Maya has prepped and begins working. He doesn’t flinch as it penetrates his skin, instead focusing on her so intently that she begins to feel like she’s under a microscope.

“Shit, I don’t know.” He grumbles, “But you aren’t looking at me and I don’t know what to do.”

It comes out before she can stop herself, “Not get shot, for starters.”

He snorts, “Yeah, I must’ve forgotten to not do that today.”

Sewing a person back together is strange concept. The body, delicate as the pair of jeans that rip or the tear in your favorite pillow. She concentrates on the next suture and silence fills the air once more. It’s not tense, just tired. He’s tired from the blood loss. She’s tired of tip-toeing around the truth.

The Conclusion (as of ten minutes ago): she’s in love with him. Completely. Recklessly. It wasn’t supposed to happen. They made rules about it because he made it clear he doesn’t date, and she wasn’t looking for anything serious. Except things got very serious and she knew it should stop, but she couldn’t bring herself to stop it. She didn’t want to. Doesn’t want to. But how does she tell him that when this is his life? And he’s made it clear.

“I’m sorry,” he says finally as she clips the last thread, “For what it’s worth.”

She sits back on the stool and peels off the gloves, finally allowing herself to look at him. He’s alive, his cheeks are rosy, and his chest rises and falls with each breath. He’s here and things can continue like normal.

They can’t.

“I can’t do this anymore,” she whispers, and something wet trickles down her cheek and she swipes at it quickly, hoping it’s just a fluke because damn it, she isn’t going to do this here. She steels herself, blocking every inch of her that screams at her not to.

“Do what? You’re a great doctor, I barely felt a thing…”

“No.” she closes her eyes for a moment, willing the emotions back to their cage, “This. Us. Whatever this is. I can’t…”

The bed squeaks as he leans up, and he grips the side rail for support. His eyes, despite the morphine induced haze, are incredulous as he stares at her, “You cannot be serious right now.”

She presses her lips together. Her nostrils flare.

“Jesus, Clarke, you couldn’t have done this earlier? If you wanted to break up with me, you didn’t need to wait until I got shot for an out.” He’s swinging his legs over the bed before she can stop him and grabbing at the tubes attached to his arm.

She rushes over to his side to swat his hand away, “What the hell are you doing?!”

“You treated me. I’m leaving,” he says matter-of-factly, “I can’t be here right now.”

She grips his hand as he tries to peel at the tape holding the IV to his arm, “Stop. You need to rest.”

“Rest? Clarke, you’re trying to break up with me in a hospital room!”

“How can we break up? We aren’t even together! You made sure of it!”

He stops pulling then and she lets out a sigh of relief. “What are you talking about?”

Her hands drop to her sides. “You’re the one who said that this couldn’t be more than it was.” He still looks lost, eyebrows knitted together, and face scrunched in either pain or confusion or both, so she continues. “I understand why, now. This job is dangerous and being attached to someone, you have to worry about more than just yourself in the field. But I got attached and I just need some space because I really don’t know what else to do…”

“Clarke, I’m in love with you.” It comes out as a half-groan, half-plea and she nearly swallows her tongue.

“What?” she manages to choke out. She thinks maybe she misheard him. She heard what she wanted to hear instead of what he actually said.

“I was half in-love with you when we met,” he confesses again, shaking his head derisively.

“Then why…” her brain still can’t form coherent sentences.

“Didn’t I tell you before?” he finishes, “I guess we were both on the same page. You thought I didn’t want anything serious and I didn’t want to rush you into anything serious. But fuck, Clarke. When I got shot, you were the first person I thought of. All I could think about was you. How would you react? How could I have gone this long without telling you how I feel? What if the shot had hit me somewhere else, you would never know.”

It takes a moment for everything to sink in, for the fact that Bellamy loves her to hit. But when it does she laughs. Covering her eyes with her hands she moans, “We’re a complete fucking mess.”

“Yeah, well…”

She realizes that he’s laid himself bare before her, but she has yet to do the same. Something catches in her throat as she looks at him. “I’m so scared.”

He must know what she means because he steps into her space, reaching up with his good hand to tuck a stray piece of hair behind her ear. His thumb caresses her cheek gently, “Me too.”

“What if something worse happens? Next time the shot is deadly. Or the person you’re arresting decides to hurt you. Or you, I don’t know, get hit by some asshole who hates cops? God, Bellamy, I can’t lose you.”

He pulls her into his chest and she buries her nose into his neck, wrapping herself into his familiar scent. Musk and sweat and just, Bellamy. She tries not to let her mind run away with all those thoughts, tries to be here in the moment but the reality is so much greater than both of them.

“This is my job, Clarke,” he murmurs into her ear, “Just like being a doctor is yours. The world is dangerous and all of those things you said, could happen to anyone. But just because the danger is there doesn’t mean we can put our lives on hold ‘just in case.’ If you can’t look past that, I understand. But I needed you to know how I feel.”

The Future: When she closes her eyes, he’s there. When she imagines her life years from now, he’s standing right there.  She can’t let that go. Bellamy Blake is her future.

She pulls back, curling her fingers into his white t-shirt and pulling him forward. The kiss is soft, a bit sloppy because he’s still weak and dazed from everything. She pulls back quickly and he tries to follow her but she just smiles. He leans his forehead on hers instead.

“I love you, too,” she finally whispers, “In case I haven’t made that clear.”

He smiles, “Yeah, I was hoping you did.”

She helps him back down to the bed and he grabs her hand, pulling her down for another kiss. “Just so we’re clear. We’re like, a thing now.”

She giggles, “Yes, we are.”

“So, will you go to dinner with me tonight?”

“Sorry, Officer Blake. You’re on strict bed rest orders for the next couple of days.” The doctor in her can’t let that one go, despite wanting nothing more than to go out with him on an actual date.

He huffs, “It’s just a scratch. I can handle a date…”

“You need to rest,” she tells him, “But I’ll come over and cuddle later if that helps convince you.”

She leans down to kiss his cheek just as the curtain is pushed back.

“Shit, sorry Doctor,” Maya squeaks, “I’ll just…uh…”

Clarke laughs and gives Bellamy’s hand a squeeze, “If I get fired, I’m coming to your house and mooching off you.”

He calls out to her as she leaves, “Hope you get fired, Doc!”

The End: She doesn’t get fired. But she does go to his house. And she doesn’t really leave after that.

[callmetippytumbles]

☕️ on the ladies of court (Kiara, Hana, Madeleine, Penelope and Olivia)

So, Nonny, I am not sure if you meant my feelings on the characters of the court or how they are written.  Lucky for you my mouth is big, and I have opinions on both. Apparently a lot.  Get snacks.  

Let’s do this.

PenelopeHer Character: So listen, I know that homegirl has all kinds of anxiety, loves poodles, has some funny ass moments…you know, good/relatable things.  Here’s the thing, I am always going to look at her sideways.  Penelope set up the MC for assault.  People are going to say, she didn’t mean to, or she did it to stay in court.  I just hear “blah, excuses, fuckery.”  Her arm wasn’t twisted.  She could have opted out.  The part that really fucks me up about this is twofold.  Firstfold: After Penelope sets you up, she acts as if she did nothing wrong.  Bitch knew she set you up and was all like “congratulations on your dick and crown.”  That is beyond two-faced.  Secondfold has a lot to do with the writing (and I forgot my nonwriting point).

The Writing:  I want to get over the shit that Penelope did, but the writing makes sure that I don’t.  Not because the writers want me to forget, but the way that the plot disproportionately services her character compared to others (Hana and Kiara namely) keeps me from making that journey with them.  Penelope gets all kinds of attention, especially in Book 2 and Book 3.  Again, Penelope is the one who hired and paid for the photographer that took the scandalous photo of your assault.  She was the one who got Tariq in your bedroom as well.  These are actions she took.  Now, look at how Penelope gets treated.  We have to be super duper nice to her to get her to confess to her part in the bullshit.  Later on in the book during the nameless beer garden scene, Penelope along with Kiara thinks the MC is going to be mean to them because Madeleine, A Demon, is ousted.  No mention of her part in a plot that features assault.  I am not gonna let that shit die.  The writers do.  Other than the option at the tea party where you tell poor Penny that you do hold that shit against her (as well as the next generations), this is never brought up again.  

Also, they give Penelope a backstory of having crippling anxiety (which I can appreciate because mental health struggles are no joke), which conveniently comes to the forefront when we are about to learn that she did some fuckshit, and that takes center stage to lessen the blow.  Again I don’t hold Penelope having anxiety against her, I do dislike it being used to redeem or excuse shitty behavior.  Oh and the writers go out of their way to center her in her narrative.  Penelope needs a boyfriend?  Don’t give her Maxwell, he is an LI and for the MC only.  Let’s give Kiara a brother that we never knew existed.  He will love animals, and animal care and Penelope.  She deserves.  

OliviaHer Character: With Olivia, my feelings for her went through stages.  At first, I was like, “fuck you, and everything about you for the rest.”  I would choose all opportunities to be petty because fuck her.  Then around the apple baking scene, I still didn’t like her, but I didn’t hate her.  I think I started to love her Book 2.  When she directed that hatin’ energy to drag Drake and A Demon and not the MC, then I could like her.  Now, Olivia is a gem, and I love her.  I love her shade and that she is not the one to fuck with.  If I was about to go into a fight, I want Olivia on my side.  You know she carries a switchblade and subscribes to STAB HIM™ as a lifestyle.  

The Writing: I enjoy the writing too.  This is a redemptive character arc I can get behind.  Olivia starts off as a bitch, but over the course of the books, you get a lot of chances to sympathize and grow with her.  Over time she sheds her abrasive front and shows that she is fiercely loyal and dedicated, but will still cut a bitch because, again, she subscribes to STAB HIM™.  Also, Olivia’s growth is not at the expense of someone else.  To be fair, a lot of the opportunities for her to be vulnerable and have the reader empathize with her are centered on Liam.  Liam is the first person to stick up for Olivia in the series.  Her motivations for her involvement are focused on her feelings/loyalties to him.  Liam extends a lot of kindness to her.  Olivia’s relationship with Liam as a vehicle for growth is never for the endangerment of Liam.  You don’t look at their relationship as an abusive or potentially abusive.  Can’t say the same for all the ladies.

A DemonIT’s Character: I read TRR before RoE, and even with that in mind, I hate this heifer.  In Book 1, I disliked IT.  Book 2 cemented my hatred though.  A Demon in TRR2 escalated from fucking annoying to, for all intents and purposes, full-on sociopath.  IT plays with the people around her on a psychological level, using her increased access to power for the purposes of manipulation and control.  A Demon makes no bones about it either.  IT doesn’t pretend to act in anyone’s best interest but its own.  This is apparent before IT says what it says about Hana at the bachelorette party.  

For those that have forgotten, after faking a fatal chocolate allergy and publicly debasing Hana at an event she planned for A Demon, IT says to the MC that it intends to psychologically break her.  IT wants to do this.  For fun.  This is why from then on I call it A Demon because that is some fucked up evil shit.  I thought it was a narcissist, but I am now like, “this bitch is a sociopath.”  

While I am sure that A Demon is toxic and awful, I can also acknowledge that sometimes it’s on the receiving end of some shit.  She got dumped twice.  First Leo breaks off his engagement with A Demon to go on a cruise for an American (that may or may not chose him).  Then Liam dumps her for an American (that may or may not want him) after A Demon agrees to a nonmonogamous relationship.  I view her like Mellie from Scandal in a lot of ways.  They both are women who dedicate their lives to men who do not give a fuck about them.  Mostly for power.  Is Mellie from Scandal still terrible?  Yeah.  Does Mellie’s terribleness make Fitz any less of a fuckboy? No.  Liam is not a fuckboy, but he did like drop her out of nowhere.  Leo is kind of a fuckboy.  

The Writing: I feel a way about how Penelope is treated, but it pales in comparison to my feeling about the writing A Demon gets.  Especially this redemptive arc that they just have to do.  We can’t just fucking hate this Demon for the rest and leave it at that.  Nope! Nah! Nuh-Uh!  A Demon needs a multi-chapter narrative to have the reader feel bad and eventually like IT.  The fact that there is dedicated narrative bandwidth for this is terrible enough, but the lengths at which the writers are going to make this happen. [insert long exasperated sound of frustration of your choosing.]  

Look at everything that has to happen for “redemption.”

First, A Demon has to take a job IT does not need or want to force a closer relationship with the MC in an effort for them to bond or whatever.  I guess the idea is that A Demon is supposed to be so fucking good at being the MC’s press secretary that they become besties.  Sure.  Okay.  It’s such a shame that A Demon sucks in this role.  A Demon as a press secretary isn’t all that great.  IT has poor time management.   Who the fuck expects a client to read over 100 index cards or a textbook dossier just before an event?  Also, why put all your energy into such things when they can be rendered useless in a 5-10 minute conversation?  A Demon is also the kind of press secretary that requires you to do damage control for them. Fuck the fuck?  I hire you to spin for me, and I have to apologize for you?  Not to mention IT puts in me in outfits that don’t match the occasion.  Why are my titties kissing the breeze during a daytime luncheon?  Why?  (Also, why didn’t Liam want to kiss my exposed titties?  That bothered me as well.)  A Demon sucks.  Kiara or Justin (before he tried to shoot at me) would have been better choices for this job.  

The other significant effort made to make A Demon’s unsolicited redemption arc happen is a romantic relationship with Hana.  Yep.  The writers hint at this early in the drinking game diamond scene in Fydelia.  It was gross then.  Why?  A Demon has said that IT wants to psychologically break Hana.  For fun.  IT had taken actions to do that before that was uttered.  A Demon calls Hana a dog when commenting on agreeing to have Hana be part of her court.  That same chapter IT points out that if Hana does not get a match, she will be kicked out of court.  This doesn’t happen to Penelope or Kiara.  A Demon then fakes a chocolate allergy and then publicly humiliates Hana.  When confronted in front of Hana later, IT writes it off as hazing.  There is no apology.  It’s treated like whatevs, get over it girl.  So having the idea that Hana is being set up to date someone who once said and did things with the intent of psychologically breaking her is trash.  Setting up Hana for potential abuse is not cute or adorable. It’s troubling.  

Since the writers are really building this relationship to do the heavy lifting of this redemption arch, A Demon and Hana being a thing is brought up again during the Gala.  This time the writers know that we know about the psychological abuse.  So when the MC tells A Demon to stay away from her, A Demon merely says that Hana is over it.  Yeah, that sociopathic threat from the last book, entirely being written off as a non-factor so that this relationship can happen.  Kind of similar to how we are just supposed to be cool that Penelope helped coordinate an assault on the MC.  

Pretending that A Demon did not say that IT wanted to harm Hana and acted on it, does not undo it happening.  When A Demon was a clear antagonist, that line added to her villainy.  It built her up as an adversary to not just the MC but the women of the court in general.  Now that A Demon is not intended to be in opposition to the MC anymore does not make the things that she has said or done less painful.  

During the most recent chapter, this relationship is hinted at AGAIN.  If A Demon comes along for your bachelorette shenanigans, IT asks Hana to dance, after a wholly half-assed apology.  A Demon does not take ownership or responsibility for any of her actions.  Again.  IT says “if” like there is the possibility A Demon is not in the wrong.  (For those of you who need to be told, A Demon is in the wrong.)  The “if” communicates either A Demon either does not see what IT did as wrong or problematic (it was) or that IT knows that it’s wrong but feels ITs actions were in some way justified (they are not).  

So much time is spent trying to have the reader have a change of heart about A Demon it makes the negligence the other characters receive that much more offensive.

KiaraHer Character: Kiara is intelligent, strong, ambitious, and is not afraid to push back against expectations.  She does this a lot in the short amount of time that we see her.  Most recently in Valtoria, if the MC criticizes her and her father’s wishes for not being personal enough, Kiara counters that their wishes are personal to them.  Kiara has the building blocks to be someone fascinating.  She is a WOC in a predominantly white space, who is driven to serve her country despite her country not always seeing it for her.  Not to mention Kiara is a polyglot.  Also, her family is impossibly beautiful.  Especially her mama.  I wish I could say more, but I don’t get to say much else without speculating because she gets so little time.  

The Writing:  I have spoken at length about how the writers have treated Kiara.  I will not regurgitate the whole essay here.  I will say that I wish the writers would put as much effort into Kiara as they do about A Demon and Penelope.  Up until recently, the writers have gone out of their way to not write Kiara.  We have Zeke because Penelope just can’t have Maxwell and the writers did not want to talk about Kiara.  I will say the writers are better about this now.  Still not great.  (I have to watch you guys write romance for a sociopath but Kiara can’t get a hug from Rashad or Drake?  I call bullshit. #LetKiaraGetLove2K18)  The writers did make a point to talk about some of Kiara’s feelings and her trauma post Homecoming Ball and having the MC and Drake hear and validate her concerns.  That was nice.  I wished the writers did not have to be pressured to write about her.  

HanaHer Character:  Hana (like Kiara) is a WOC who is given all of the talents but none of the time.  I will say that some of the growth that we do get to see with Hana makes her that much more endearing.  Especially in Book 3, Hana gets to be funnier than we ever get to see her.  When she drags Drake with that impression of him during the drinking game is still legendary and will forever take me out.  “I would use whiskey for cologne, but I wouldn’t want to waste the whiskey.”  That is just funny.  Fight me.  Hana also has so many aspects to her.  She is a WOC who also identifies as LGBTQ+, she is working through a psychologically damaging upbringing (her parents deliberately sheltered their daughter so that she can be dependent/malleable to their control, which is fucked up) but she still has not let that corrupt her spirit in a way that it would someone else.  Like Kiara, a lot of what sets Hana apart does not get explored and does Hana a considerable disservice.  

The Writing: Woosah x 10^10.  I need all of the calming breaths for this.  If anyone in the TRR is done a disservice in terms of the writing, it’s Hana.  Kiara’s treatment is terrible, but this is amplified in Hana.  The problem is generally the same for both of them.  The times when the narrative should be about Hana, it is not.  Hana has so many opportunities where the focus should be on her, and the writers either half-ass it (at best?) or just drop the baton (at worse?).  Dropping the baton seems light.  They actually do not even extend their hands to receive the baton, let it hit the ground, urinate on it, then quit the race to watch Netflix and eat chips.

@lizzybeth1986 has done extensive writing on the many ways that Hana has been mishandled regarding how the writers treat her.  I really want to focus on the way the writers choose to utilize Hana to uplift or guide other characters that she does not get in return.  I am probably going to repeat a lot of Lizzy’s sentiments, but you asked for me to give my tea, so sit down, get your pinky out because I have some tea for you to sip.

I am going to start with the most frustrating thing about the writing for Hana, she is always positioned to be a tool.  Hana who is a love interest is written in a way that the only reason that we care about her is that she is useful.  

With the MC, the majority of her diamond scenes are about Hana giving the MC a leg up in the next chapter.  I can understand that this is done to get more people to buy her diamond scenes.  Hana is a female LI for a fanbase that is mostly straight women so I can see why the writers do that.  With that said, in Book 1, Hana’s second diamond scene is the Cordonian Waltz.  In that diamond scene, you learned a lot about Hana and got the skill.  Later diamonds scenes tend to lose the learning about Hana over acquiring the skill.  If Hana is your LI, you don’t always get to experience her romantically outside of the diamond scenes that are clearly intended to be sex scenes.  Outside of sex, the diamond scenes with her as your fiancée versus your friend are coded almost exactly the same.  Compared to the apparent difference between other LIs as your fiancée and your friend, it seems lazy.

Hana’s relationship with her parents is framed around usefulness as well.  The last chapter in Valtoria is dedicated to wrapping up the story arc of Hana’s relationship with her parents.  In Book 2, she is not on speaking terms with her parents after firmly rejecting Neville as a suitor.  This is after the build-up of the fact that her parents have trained (yep I said trained and not raised) her for the sole purpose of attracting and maintaining a relationship with a wealthy man.  A wealthy man that would elevate Hana and her family socially and economically.  

Xinghai, her father, makes a point to say that his daughter was not raised to be independent, which carries all kinds of unfortunate implications.  Lorelai and Xinghai have deliberately isolated and created dependency in their child, so she is compelled to obey and would be fearful to leave.  Hana’s parents read like destructive cult leaders.  The Lee household is a doomsday cult of 3.  The doomsday, in this case, isn’t the world ending, it’s Hana dying a spinster.  I kind of feel like I should expand on the crack theory of Hana’s parents raising her using the same techniques as destructive cult leaders.  

Hana’s parents come to Valtoria to make her come home or totally disown her.  The resolution one would think of is that her parents accept that Hana doesn’t have to marry and she is grown, or Hana lets her parents disown her, and she cultivates her own self-worth outside of her parents’ demands.  Hana does not exactly get either.  Hana proves her independence by showing that she can still be useful to her parents by getting Rashad to work with Xinghai’s company (using the flimsiest device, Hana knows the son of the Portera Group’s CEO).  Instead of Hana asserting herself as capable and willing to live without their approval or support, she goes out of her way to reinforce their belief that he is meant to be useful.  This allows Xinghai and Lorelai to continue to view her as an asset and does not challenge the terms of their conditional love.  

Hana’s conflict with her family being resolved in this way, as an afterthought, is unsurprising.  The opportunities to develop Hana outside of struggle or usefulness (like during the Shanghai chapters) are just not taken.  

While the writers do not want to take the time to explore Hana’s experience as a WOC, talk about her sexuality or being in the closet (Hana’s parents exclusively speak about male suitors.), they are willing to use Hana to lay the groundwork for A Demon to come out and complete a redemption arc no one asked for.  This is disturbing.  

Hana has to form a relationship with a woman who wanted to abuse her.  How is this healthy or good, or even acceptable?  Throughout a great deal of Book 2, A Demon continuously berates and humiliates Hana, publicly, as part of a plan to push Hana over the edge mentally.  For her entertainment.  When given the opportunity to take ownership of ITs past actions, and actually show remorse or regret, A Demon does neither.  Instead, the writers are going to put Hana in the position of having to forgive her abuser to redeem her abuser.  This is not something that Hana would do for her own benefit.  

You can’t even say that this is for the power of love.  How does Hana building a romantic relationship with a woman who used to torment her do anything good for her?  That is not even taking into account that Hana is a Chinese woman being put in the position of forgiving a White woman who wronged her.  People of color, particularly women of color are consistently practically required to make public statements of forgiving people (usually white) who have grievously wronged them to position themselves as worthy of someone giving a damn.  You see this again and again.  The most recent that comes to mind is when families of the Charleston Church shooting victims saying that they forgive Dylann Roof.  If any of them showed visible anger for what that man has done, the anger would not be seen as righteous or reasonable it would be seen as stooping to his level.  POC cannot even be angry when they should be because their anger is a threat and reason enough to diminish them.  Hana showing anger would be a threat to A Demon’s attempt to rebrand herself as a romantic option.  Hana has yet to take A Demon to task for the way IT has treated her.  She may not know about the true nature of the threat that A Demon made, but Hana definitely knows about all of the other ways that IT was shitty to her.  The threat was not an idle one.  It still doesn’t matter, Hana will be asked to place her pain to the side where no one but her can see it so that she can outstretch her arms to embrace A Demon, then scissor into the sunset.

Penelope would never be asked to not only make nice with someone who tormented her but initiate a relationship with them.  She had her grievances with A Demon’s treatment of her addressed with the WHOLE GROUP vying to protect her.  Penny got a whole brother out of thin air that wears his durag every night to lay his hair because she deserves nothing less.  If they can make an entire person appear to romance Penelope, why can’t they make a stud, a stemme, or a man to sweep Hana off of her feet?

The part that makes this even shittier, yes that is possible, is that the coming out story that A Demon is likely to get, Hana should have gotten.  Hana’s sexuality in terms of her past or even that much of her present is not explored.  We as the reader are just supposed to believe that Hana is a virgin that has only been set up to be in a relationship with a man, but she somehow knew that she was gay, dealt with and adjusted to that despite a lifetime of isolation.  Makes sense to me!  Her parents as recently as Chapter 15 STILL talk about setting her up with men.  There is nothing to indicate that she is out to them.  I don’t even think if the MC is her fiancée, that the relationship is presented as more than platonic.  

Hana is not even the only Asian Woman in the Choices universe that has dealt with her sexuality and growing into it or questioning.  Kaitlyn has a whole coming out arc that was given time and nuance in The Freshman.  It wasn’t to serve anyone but herself.  Kaitlyn coming out was not a device to explore introspection with Arjun. You as a reader are not entertaining a plot where Kaitlyn says she’s gay and the rest of the time we spend teaching Arjun not to be a homophobe as opposed to Kaitlyn publicly accepting this part of herself.  Yet Hana has to be a part of A Demon’s coming out/redemption story.  Okay.  I see you.

Those are my thoughts  

[katzenflocken]

LA Times

I went to a Halloween party in October and I wrote down my experience in my phone.

A month or so ago I had made the decision that I wanted to attend a Halloween event and ultimately I decided on scream in Edmonton. I had bought the pre-sale ticket without actually knowing who was playing since there was no lineup details but this didn't concern me because I just wanted to go have fun and listen to some jams with cool people. I had calculated the cost of bus and hotel and came up to roughly 700 for a comfortable trip with all the best food/mixed drinks at the show. I had already had my own party favors so this was one of the reasons why I wanted to keep it local in Alberta. But then the lineup got released and I only seen one artist that was potentially going to be "okay" after listening to their SoundCloud. I was feeling very on the fence and on top of that, the party only went until 2am which was making it real hard to justify a long boring ass bus ride for a short night of mostly lame edm music. (No offense to the edm enthusiasts out there)

After some Olympic tier mental gymnastics of being so sure I wanted to go to Scream, I got curious and went to the handy dandy Resident Advisor and looked at shows in Alberta then Vancouver, even Toronto. I didn't see any events I was interested in and I left it at that. Then I got the brilliant and brave idea to possibly venture outside our borders, and a few clicks later I stumbled upon louisahhh's upcoming events and noticed she was playing a show along with boys noize and tbh, it was a no brainer. I had to make this happen. After a few calculations, it was literally going to cost the same as going to Edmonton (600 cdn) but with more spending money required in American. So naturally it was 💯 percent the logical choice. The event was called Minimal Effort which was an all techno show with 4 stages. Like holy shit! This event was most definitely calling my name.

I had told family and a few friends and some them ask me why? I've already vacationed once or twice this year so why a third time? I really don't know why, there is no reason. I just like doing these things. It is true that given the current situation, I better to avoid these such things. but the idea of letting someone's words prevent me from doing something so fun and exciting yet so doable drives me mad. In fact this very idea is what makes it so evident that I am in control of my life. I create the reality I live in and why should I let others shape it for me with manipulating opinions. I would argue I am not living to die, I am dying to live. Personally I don't think it's very odd or strange to do exactly what you put your mind to, so it is in such a context that I wanted to make this trip. I hope people see what I do and feel encouraged or empowered. If I can do it you can too. But everyone isnt me and is open to their own opinion.

So my passport is lightly damaged, a few months after I got it I washed it lol whoops. I've been using it since without incident and it expires pretty quick in early 2019 so I felt confident I will make it on the plane and I did! I flew air Canada btw and their service was very meh. There was also some meean turbulence, other than that it was boring. Planes suck ass and I can't sleep on them. I had bought a roaming plan so I can text and use Google maps like a real Traveller. This was the best decision of the whole trip actually, so get ur phones working guys!

Upon landing I was very nervous because I literally didn't want to pay a lot of money to get downtown where my hostel was. But I asked this Tony hawk looking guy he gave me the rundown and to take the skyaway bus which was like 9 dollars. Hella life saver! I got downtown and got Subway spicy chicken wrap at Union station. Now I taxi'd to my hostel... It was near or in the ghetto. When the man dropped me off it was dark and these yuuuge dogs were jumping at me from the other side of the fence, confirming my suspicion that this is in fact the ghetto. I find the property next door and these dudes are smoking outside, I got their attention and they said to go upstairs and talk to "Champaign". In my head I instantly thought a black drug dealer... But then I was greeted by a slim easy going japanese dude with a samurai ponytail who spoke poor English but still had a friendly vibe. Turns out he is the cook/caretaker. I came on the night they had a dinner party that they hold once a month. Pay 10 dollars and you can eat the food that he was cooking. Champaign cooked for a army and I felt like an asshole because I literally came with a belly full of Subway. I had a few snacks and met the other Traveller's/Tennant's that were residing here. In that exact moment I felt like this is exactly where I needed to be. I was not alone and I was amongst other human beings like myself and we were all brought together by an unknown force all so Champaign can go to bed we knowing no one went to bed hungry. I actually passed out after midnight. Kinda lame but tbh I was wiped out from that hectic almost frantic trip to this hostel. The toppest compliment I give to any hotel/hostel is that this place had the best mattress, apparently they were italian (I asked lol).

Saturday (party day). My goal in the afternoon was to adventure and have a decent meal but it was getting off to a slow start due to me not figuring out where I wanted to go. I was recommended business district and looked up reviews but it was all meh. I want that yummy and probably unhealthy local food locations. The guy also said to take an Uber. Which I was like uhhhhhh iduno man... Maybe. Then as I was just getting ready to leave, this korean guy named Sam asked where I was going and he said "you should check out Korea Town, it's dope!!" And I looked up places and he said "no go here!" And I was like okay. Then he said he'll come with me and show me around after he finishes the laundry. Like a good lad I waited and in between he looked at me and whispered "hey do you do... Stuff" and there are a lot of implications there lol so I had to ask like what? And he pulled a little baggie and my reply was "yeah I like stuff" then did it and the kid lit up like a Christmas tree. He was mad hype folding the towels and then him and Champaign blazed downstairs.

One of the most fascinating yet mundane happenings was that I installed Uber on my phone. While those guys were blasting off I went ahead and gave the Uber a good historic first whirl. Little did I know my life was about to change in that exact moment. In 2 minutes after selecting where I wanted to go the driver was there. Holy shit! The cool part was that I only paid 8 dollars to go to the opposite side of the downtown. I wish I can expand on what I did, but tbh all we did was just walk and talk. It was great because it made me feel more immersed in to the city. Kind of like you had to be there type of experience. Then it was food time, he pointed out a Korean joint and I got a meal and he didn't order anything and then like 10 sides came and then 6 more little plates for the main dish. I told Sam he can have some because this is absurd. As we were eating, I slowly gazed around the place and everyone was just a little bit chubby. Sam told me Koreans don't waste their shit and eat as much as possible... Plus it's America lol. After eating like an animal and totally ruining my white shirt we went to get smokes and the line at 711 was almost way too long. Sam pointed out that everyone was powerballin' it... Then upon paying for the smokes and soda I said "one Powerball please". I had caved in and joined the race. We took an Uber back and the driver was a Mexican mom. She was cute in a grandma kind of way and we talked about there should be a "good news" radio because it's so scary listening to the radio. We laughed and laughed some more while Sam had fell into a Korean BBQ coma.

We get back to the hostel, Sam goes back to work and I have about an hour to get ready/nap before the party. Sam asked if I needed party favors and I took him up on his offer, because I hate asking at parties because it's so sketchy. At this point of the trip I realized everything is going 110% right. Sometimes I feel like I am just lucky because I always find myself in surprising situations and that now it's almost normal to me. My body and mind was totes ready to party, then I almost forget... I have stickers!!! I always have some in my bag and I grabbed at least 50 of them. People always love that shit, plus it makes everything more fun by adding another layer to the party... Lol get it? Layer?!? Aaanyways the one girl showed me how to work the door lock, basically it's an app that registers my phone to the deadbolt... What a game changer! Technology huh?! What a cool place! Then the Uber came and took like 4 dollars to get there, I think I can get used to this LA lifestyle if I ever had the chance. The dude dropped me off and I was proper nervous, made sure to hide my shit good and have my ID, ticket and game face ready because there was like 8 security in front... Also I am a pretty nervous person in general, I may seem cool and collected on the outside but on the inside I am a scared little shaking Chihuahua barking internally.

So I finally made it! All my hard work payed off! The weird thing was the guy didn't even look at my ticket, just my ID. Any Yahoo off the street could have walked in. Butt fuck it, I am here and that's all that matters. Imediately I get a beer... 8 dollars. The shit I put up with tbh, the price I pay for fun is worth it but my goodness is it painful. I wander around the theatre and it is nicely large and open. Not hot!! Can you believe that? The other stages weren't bad, too much to take it all in tbh. I settled at the main stage which was the first one you sent me when you walk in. The first artist playing was a chick, she played some good jam actually so I quite enjoyed her set. The only thing that led me to believe she doesn't actually make music and only is a DJ, was that every track she played I knew. Which is expected from shows like this but she didn't play anything "original", it's not a bad thing but if I was to critique her I'd be disappointed because I am the type of person to be wowed and I like to seek new material. I went for a smoke and met this couple dressed and Vegeta and Bulma, hella rad. They were cool, totally forget their names tho. Met this Mexican dude too who was a little short had crazy contact lenses and had a friendly chat. he was rolling which was cool because I wish I was, I even asked him but he was fresh out. The party started picking up too and louisahhh's set was about to play and I am 3 beers deep so I gotta step up my game. And guess what!? It's Modelo time homie!! Met a dude in a headdress and took a pic with him to piss off other people who are against that bullshit, as long as they are respectful about it I think it's awesome... so @ those who are trying to be offended on purpose, fuck you. Went to the bathroom and dropped my Modelo and the worker watched me do it and didn't say anything and swept it up. I went back to get another normal beer because the Modelo was 9 dollars. They mind as well get the lube ready because they are already fucking me dry. I had run out of party favors at this point because I only had a little but that's not why I am here so I accept that fact and I am just glad to be here. The dancefloor was sticky but as more spills happened it was less annoying and more people came, it made it more bearable lol if that makes sense. The sound was definitely worse at the front of the stage so I found that sweet spot 15 feet back in the zone where the speakers were pointed. 7/10 audio, it's no pk system but hey I don't mind too much! Louisahhh was stepping in and she had a super neat outfit going kind of future/madmax like. Her hair was excellent if I might add. I've always wanted to catch her set but never had the chance until now. I could say it was what I expected, which was basically the same set I've heard her play on other sets I heard from her. It's not a negative but mental gymnastics aside she could have spiced it up some more by playing new shit, like I said. I am just glad to be there.

After louisahhh played her set Boys Noize had stepped in and he opened up with that one song he always does lately lol I forget the name but let me tell you, my body was ready! The "wares" I had bought off Sam at the hostel were already used up but I didn't need any, my body was tingling from the energy in the room. I met the maddest group of lads in the crowd and I gave them a handful of stickers to help me distribute. They loved it! I was also doing "rogue" work by slapping stickers on people without them knowing. The funniest ones were the Dealer and Wasted stickers. The lazers and lights in this place were magnificent. Production was nearly top notch 7.8/10. it's a theatre but they used it as well as they could. I want to describe this experience more but going to a party is the purest chaos you can experience. It almost can't be explained, only witnessed. I honestly love being social at these events. In real life I can be very shy or unwilling to exchange or talk with others. It pains me really, I just love people and I want to make genuine friends but I feel so reluctant to meet new faces because I don't really click that well with others. I know that I am unique and sometimes strange, I am sometimes don't give a fuck but I tend to be antisocial because of paranoia that other people won't like me when they get to know the real me. When I attend rave parties, I tend to feel more free and open because I know the people in attendance are also there for the same reason I am. Obviously this may or may not be a healthy life style but it is very fulfilling in a very emotional way. I may not have that many real life friends but when on the dancefloor everyone is my friends lol that sounds like the gayest shit ever but it's true. Anyways party is still bumping and it's 6 am and I am wiped out, boys Noize played some of the best tracks I heard at awakenings I noticed. Kind of the same shit really. But it was LA so more mainstream crowd. I leave the club and it was so fucking foggy outside, like a horror movie. 2spooky4me. I hit up Uber like 4 blocks away because it was just too crazy in the front of the theatre. I got this younger driver about my age and we talked about McDonald's lol she was fun then I get back to the hostel hungry as fuck. Eated bread and smonked some herb and hit the hay.

Next morning I hung out in the common area. Watched friends and watched Champagne die from smoking weed lol he was my favorite. Cool hostel tbh very home like. I had few hours to myself before my flight so I decided I wanted to go to little Tokyo. I had to say goodbye to the hostel, the guys downstairs gave me a donut lol and I got into the Uber. The guy talked about the dodgers game like I actually give a heck about sports. He dropped me off at the entrance of Little Tokyo. This was actually the most wholesome part of my trip. The first sight of the Japanese style outside mall was kind of exhilarating because LA is mostly just the same everywhere. The buildings and decorations were very refreshing and it was a feast for the eyes. Such beauty. As I continue to explore the small but busy space I feel this feeling of wonder and excitement, it made me feel less hungover if I am being honest. The world I was seeing in that moment was powerfully moving and rich with happiness. I wanted to stay forever. In the centre there was an open space where an older Asian man in a scooter and an array of instrument s in front of him. He had a little sampler Casio and hi hats and maracas. It was like a scene out of the movies where you see those cute moments because he was playing to this couple from China that were standing in front of him and you can hear them talking to the Man in between singing lol, they gave him money to play that song from toy story "skies of blue" or whatever it's called and then at the end he pulled out the maracas and hit them on the cymbals with style. I filmed a little bit of it actually. I ended up eating sushi and chicken katsu outside on the deck and just enjoyed the experience. Alone. Fucking sad actually that I couldn't share my emotion with someone else but I really enjoyed the place. I shop in the anime store and gift shop, got a few things for friends and family then had to rush to the airport. I got to Union station and shuttle to the airport right on time. Slightly early since the flight changed to a later time. I walked around and had some beer and wings then got on the plane. Nice cozy airport experience. My dad picked me up and he was working in siksika that week so I slept in his trailer. It was cold as shit and I was late for work the next day like nothing ever happened lol. Just a quick weekend trip, no big deal. Travelling is so so so much fun, I want others to read or see my adventures and feel somewhat inspired to take more risks and go on their own adventures. Its good to open your eyes and free yourself of your surroundings, especially on the reserve. There's a world out there and there's more to life than the bullshit drama that happens here. I look at the world in wonder and amazement, I know it's a sick and sometimes dangerous place but I make it my world by appreciating it for what it is. Everything is kind of all right. Sometimes I wish I didn't exist but I don't want to die either, doing these things remind me that life can be great so I hope I don't come off braggy or I am acting "too good". I make minimum wage yet I still do all this cool stuff. It's not hard to do, just literally set your mind go and do it . I chase my dreams while others think "what if" lol but yeah do more fun shit guys!!!!

[maevefiction]

Your Light in the Mist - Chapter 12

Sleep eluded me after our parking lot conversation. Tom and I had taken a long bath together, during which neither of us were injured, surprisingly, then went down to the beach so we could listen to the waves crashing on the rocks prior to retiring for the night. Luke and Simon had popped out for a quick hello and a late night swim, then disappeared again into the privacy of their suite. I was beginning to think they might have us beat as far as incorrigible went, then quickly stopped myself before my mind wandered into what-has-been-seen-can-never-be-unseen territory.

Tom was out like a light in a matter of minutes, while I tossed and turned like a dog with a bad case of fleas. I knew it was pointless to continue to try and doze off, so I said fuck it and decided to get up and attempt to get some work done. I wormed my way out from under Tom’s leg, climbed out of bed, put on some shorts, grabbed my laptop and headed for the door. He mumbled incoherently in his sleep, and I waited until he was silent again before I opened it, padding in my bare feet through the soundless house and out onto the lanai.

After trying to determine whether to go with a horizontal or a vertical menu on Tom’s site for forty-two minutes, I called it quits and perused Twitter comments instead. Alani’s tweet had amassed the most, and screenshots had spread to Tumblr. Honestly, I was glad of the way she’d mentioned me in such a specific context …there was very little, if any, speculation about whether or not I was, in fact, his girlfriend. Everything was out in the open, which I always thought was the best choice. Though the initial negativity was far worse than if the topic’s legitimacy was in question, it would likely die down much more quickly. That’s how it had worked for clients in the past, anyway. Hopefully my methodology would apply to my own situation as well.

My revelation regarding my weight plagued me…I replayed what I’d said over and over, and I wished I’d gone into greater detail. I hadn’t meant to impose a blanket statement that being overweight was unhealthy, or that it made one unworthy of attention from the opposite sex – or the same sex, or both, whichever was personally preferable, of course. That’s not what I believed, at all. Quite the contrary. Beauty comes in all shapes, colors and sizes and is entirely dependent upon the eye of the beholder, and if said beholder opts to eliminate certain sizes from their pool of eligible candidates, that’s their choice. And their loss.  

And as far as health was concerned…illness doesn’t discriminate based upon the number on the scale. It can strike anyone, at any time, and originates from a multitude of factors that are more often than not out of our control entirely. Unfortunately for me, a poor genetic inheritance and horrifically nutritionally deficient diet, combined with an excess of weight and my wickedly sedentary lifestyle had compromised my health considerably. Losing weight seemed to be a better option than medication, though there were many, many days on which I questioned that choice. Usually while sweating my ass off, literally, on the treadmill in some hotel gym. In all honesty, if I hadn’t been diagnosed with early stage diabetes, I probably wouldn’t have changed a thing about the way I lived my life.

“Maude, think about something else, you schmuck. This is a rabbit hole you do NOT want to go down at 2 AM.”

I sighed. Too late.

I’d told Tom there were reasons for me putting on a significant amount of weight, and my sleep deprived brain decided that this was the ideal time to refresh my memory as to what they were. I tapped my finger on the table and quietly ticked them off out loud.

“Let’s see, we’ve got… pain, anger, grief, depression, replacing one addiction with another, self-medicating, a convenient excuse that allowed me to reside in my fortress of solitude without constantly having to justify it to everyone because they’d be inclined to think ‘oh, she’s alone because she’s fat, you know, the poor thing’, and, my favorite, to spite my mother. Okay, maybe that’s not my favorite. Because food is fucking delicious. That’s my favorite. Plus, cardio sucks balls.”

Groaning, I crossed my arms on the table and rested my head on them, intending to collect my thoughts and get back to work. I woke up four hours later in a puddle of drool with Simon yammering in my ear.

“ ‘ello, Polly. Wakie Wakie!”

I raised my head and wiped the saliva off my face with my forearm.

“Ewe, Maude, that is so thoroughly vile. Were you out here all night?”

I nodded. “Don’t you even dare to ask me if I’m doing yoga with you today. I feel like grim death.”

He patted my head. “You look like it, too. But your excuses mean nothing to me. Shut up and go get your mat.”

I lowered my chin to my chest, peeled myself off of the chair and shuffled into the house, nearly smacking right into Tom as I opened our bedroom door. Brows raised, he pulled me inside and into his arms.

“Couldn’t sleep again?” I shook my head. “Want to talk about it?”

I shrugged, wishing I could talk about it, but knowing that anything I’d say would require additional context that I was not willing to supply. “Just another bout of insomnia brought on by chronic over analysis of every minute detail of my existence.”

“Oh, that’s all, is it?”

I feigned surprise. “What, that doesn’t happen to you?”

He grinned. “It does. Quite often, actually. But the sheer physical exhaustion that results from your incessant attentions seems to have solved that particular problem for the time being.” He ground his erection against me. “This problem, however, persists.”

“And it’s such big problem, too.” I bit his shoulder gently, then pulled back to look at his face. That beautiful, talented pink tongue was peeking out just the slightest bit from between his lips and I damn near lost my shit. He winked at me.

I poked him in the chest. “Well, Thomas, since you’re…up…why don’t you join me for some yoga?”

He rolled his eyes. “You mean you and Simon. I abhor doing yoga with Simon.”

I tilted my head. “Seriously? Why?”

He pinched my nose between the knuckles of his index and middle fingers, shaking gently. “Because he’s so much better at it than I am, that’s why.”

It was my turn for eye rolling as I walked to the wardrobe to grab a bra, pulled off my sleeping shirt and slipped the bra straps over my hands, up my arms and backed towards him. “Hook a sister up, wouldja?”

He lifted the cups up over my breasts, tweaked both nipples, then wrestled them back into place and licked my neck as he connected the clasps. I moaned and pulled away. After putting on a fresh shirt, I turned around and walked past him toward the door, slapping him on the ass as I went.

“Nice try, Thomas, but we’re still doing yoga. Now you put on a fucking shirt and get that ass moving.”

He followed me. “Sorry, no.”

“Fine. I’ll just keep my eyes closed.”

“You won’t.”

I sighed. “No. I won’t.”

Simon’s snarkiness was at orange alert status due to Tom’s presence, and watching the two of them compete was wildly amusing. Tom was right, Simon was better, but watching Tom do yoga shirtless was better than any porno I’d ever seen. A light sheen of sweat coated his skin, and when he moved into camel pose I made a…sound. A gasp? A moan? A dying whale noise? I honestly couldn’t label it properly.

Simon turned his head to the side so he could face me without breaking his pose.

“What the hell was THAT, woman?”

“Nothing. Got a cramp. Just a little cramp. I’ll be fine. Carry on.”

He moved his arms above his head, brought them forward and sat on his haunches. He looked over at Tom, then back at me. “Mmm hmm. Cramp. Thomas, if you wouldn’t mind concealing your torso beneath some clothing next time so your girlfriend won’t blow my focus with her inappropriate vocalizations I’d be ever so appreciative.”

Tom chortled. “I’m rather fond of her inappropriate vocalizations, especially when she’s blo…”

Simon put is fingers in his ears and chanted loudly. “LA LA LA LA LA LA LA…”

I grabbed my iPod and put my earbuds in, hoping music would distract me. It was a successful strategy for the most part, and I felt myself shifting into the transcendent space that was the reason for me deciding upon yoga for both physical and mental fitness. Tom almost ruined it when I caught him staring at me during my easy plow pose, but I managed to breathe through it. While doing my cool down stretches, I wondered if the intense sexual chemistry between us and the overwhelming desire it fostered was because we were so new to each other, or if it was always going to be like this. I smiled, recalling Diana Gabaldon’s brilliant prose in Outlander, when Jamie is addressing Claire.

“Does it ever stop? The wanting you?“ "Even when I’ve just left ye. I want you so much my chest feels tight and my fingers ache with wanting to touch ye again.”

When I’d read it years ago, I thought it was beautifully written, but, you know, fictional. Filed under ‘shit that never happens in real life’. For once, I was totally okay with having been wrong about something.

We discussed our options for the holiday over a breakfast of the most mouth-wateringly delicious sausage, egg and cheese burritos I’d ever tasted. I wanted to work for a while, but that was shot down in a chorus of noes and ‘but-it’s-a-holiday’s. Our final destination of the evening would be the Nawiliwili Tavern, which was back on the other side of the island near the Marriott. It so happened that this was the first Saturday of the month, and that’s when Kaua’i’s gay community gathered there to celebrate with drink specials and, much to my wicked delight, karaoke. I needed to see Luke doing karaoke. It was inexplicable, but I just knew I NEEDED it to happen or I couldn’t go on with my life.

Since I’d yet to park my ass on a proper beach after an entire week on the island, I offered it up as my next suggestion. It was well received. Kalapaki Beach was a 14 mile ride from the house, but less than a mile from Nawiliwili Tavern. Available activities included volleyball, surf lessons, catamaran cruises, stand up paddle boarding, kayaking and body and boogie boarding, none of which I was interested in but were certain to keep my companions occupied if sitting on a lounge and reading all day wasn’t their idea of fun.

Simon got to work assembling a picnic lunch, Luke and Tom each had another burrito, and I hit the shower. Afterward, I sat on the bed wrapped in my towel as I waited to air dry enough so I could squeeze into my bathing suit. Tom walked in, bent down to kiss me, rammed his tongue in my mouth, then dropped his shorts and paraded around the corner for his turn under the spray.

I packed a small bag before dressing since we wouldn’t be coming back home…black Birkenstocks, a pair of hiking shorts, a black V-neck tee shirt, underwear, a bra, hair ties, my beach towel, Finders Keepers, Neuromancer, my iPod, my phone and my glasses. Just in case.

My bathing suit was still buried at the bottom of my suitcase, but it didn’t look any worse for wear when I shook it out. It was black, halter style, with cutouts along both sides and a built in strapless bra so I wouldn’t look like Saggytits McSaggerton. Anyone who claims to have natural double D’s with nipples that point anywhere other than down is utterly full of shit. Or maybe that should be udderly. I was still giggling to myself when I heard the shower turn off, and I quickly tossed my gauzy black cover-up over my head and slipped on the pair of flip flops I’d also unearthed from my suitcase.

Tom came out, dripping wet, towel slung low around his hips. I told him I’d meet him in the living room and used the half bath in the hall for my last pee so I wouldn’t have to watch him dress, then helped Simon gather beverages and put them in the cooler. We decided to take the car instead of the Jeep as it had actually room for all our stuff, including the folding lounge chairs we’d found in the garage. Luke volunteered to drive on the way there if I’d be the designated driver on the way back home tonight, which was fine with me since I knew I’d be sober. I figured he did as well and hoped he’d keep it to himself, then wondered how the hell I’d handle it when the subject finally came up. Because it would. It always did.

************************************************** The beach was surprisingly empty…by my standards, anyway. Try the Jersey Shore on July 4th…you’d have to get there at the crack of dawn to get a decent spot, and someone would fucking steal it if you went to get a snack or use the restroom. Perhaps it was because there was a lot more beachfront to choose from here, or maybe everyone was boating or something, but I was thrilled that I wouldn’t be spending the day elbow to elbow with strangers.

We managed to get everything in one trip and set ourselves up about twenty feet back from the shoreline. I unfolded my chair, pulled Neuromancer out of my bag and set it gently on the sand, then relieved myself of my cover-up. Simon whistled loudly when he saw my suit.

“Maude, you look like a 1950’s pin up model in that thing. Those cutouts…va va va VOOM!”

Tom had his back to me, but spun around upon hearing Simon’s comment. He looked me up and down, then again. And again. I made a mental note to do some lingerie shopping ASAP, then plopped down in my chair with all the grace of a drunken hippo on rollerskates as I released a long, triumphant sigh.

“Ass in lounge chair. Goal achieved. Sand trophy awarded. Beach level unlocked.”

Tom leaned down to whisper in my ear. “I have my own goal to achieve, you know…and it also involves that luscious ass of yours. What’s the optimal way for me to go about unlocking it, Maude?”

I closed my eyes, hung my head down, shook it, then looked up and spoke through gritted teeth. “God, do you have any idea how much I hate being beaten at my own game?”

“I do now.” He grinned, then ran down the beach and into the ocean.

Over the course of the day I read most of Neuromancer, and Tom bought a copy for his tablet to read along with me. We paused after each chapter to discuss, noting the parallels between Gibson’s text and modern technology as well as how much the Matrix had liberally borrowed from his work. I was coerced into playing volleyball, despite citing that my bathing suit and my boobs were not meant for such activities. My refusal to jump led to a stunning loss, at which point Luke and Simon decided to go paddle boarding. Tom and I walked the shoreline, quietly enjoying each others company as we left our footprints behind in the wet sand. He ran in front of me, squatted down and drew a heart with an arrow through it and our initials in it. I rolled my eyes, squatted and drew two stick people fucking doggie style. We giggled like ten-year-olds as we ran away from our creations.

Luke was sitting on one of the lounges scrolling through his phone, and Simon was setting up lunch on a blanket he’d spread out when we returned from our walk. His culinary skills were mind-blowing…pesto, tomato and fresh mozzarella sandwiches served on toasted garlic bread, a platter of paper thin prosciutto, and little cups of mascarpone and dark chocolate cream topped with white chocolate shavings for desert. I glared at Luke, who had eaten his entire meal with his phone in his hand.

“Um, are you working over there, Luke?”

He looked up, frowning slightly. “I know, I know. I’m the one who said ‘but it’s a holiday’. We’re still getting lots of queries from prospective clients, though. And I’m not sure how to handle them all.”

“I’ll help you with it, if you want. Tomorrow. Now put that away and enjoy the day.” I laughed at my unintentional rhyme. “Damn, I’m funny when I’m not even trying.”

Simon grunted. “If you say so.”

I flipped him off, got up from my spot on the blanket and returned to my lounge chair, Tom already draped over the one to my left. He took my hand, I closed my eyes, and dozed off straight away, wiped out from my lack of sleep the night before.

My nap was rudely interrupted by Tom, bent over and shaking my shoulder gently.

“Maude, love, wake up.”

My eyelids fluttered open and I smacked his hand away. “Yeah. Fine. Awake. Why?”

He tipped his head back and to the right. “We’ve been spotted. Just fans, probably. No paparazzi yet.”

I yawned, stretching my arms above my head as I sat up to look and take a head count. Five, so far, about twenty feet away, phones raised. Three adults, two children. Adults were women, children a boy and a girl. Luke was in front of them, back to us, holding up his hands, saying something that I couldn’t quite make out over the roar of the waves. Simon was hovering nearby, watching and waiting.  

I hoisted myself out of the chair and stood next to Tom. I elbowed him in the side.

“Come on, cowboy. Let’s go do this.” I rooted in my bag, searching for my phone.

I felt his hand grasp my forearm, and I glanced up at him. He was staring at me, eyes wide.  “Really? This is all right with you?”

I shrugged. “They’re just people. One smile from you will make their day, and then some. So, why not? Spend a few minutes, they’re happy, they leave, it’s done and we’re back to being beach bums.” He shook his head in disbelief. “What? Is it really so shocking that I practice what I preach?”

“Yes. No. I don’t know. Maybe it’s that I’m just not used to…?”

I interjected. “…having someone around who doesn’t think that they’re several rungs higher on the social ladder than the folks who are a huge part of what makes your successful career possible?”

“Oh, I like that. Let’s go with that.”

Twenty minutes later, the crowd had dispersed, Luke had informed me that I was a natural at wrangling fans as well as Tom and that this was my one true calling, and Simon was itching to move on to Nawiliwili Tavern before the crowds hit the beaches in hopes of getting a better view of the fireworks. I’d forgotten that sand was so intrusive and decided to shower before changing in one of the stalls provided, Tom keeping watch for me. I did the same while he rinsed and dressed. Simon and Luke were wearing matching Hawaiian shirts, which I thought was adorable, though the shirts themselves were hideous. Tom emerged wearing a tight white V-neck and tan shorts, and I wondered how in the hell I was going to make it through the evening without spontaneously combusting.

Simon, several yards in front of us with Luke as we all walked back to the car, began chanting, fists in the air. “KARaoke, KARaoke, KARaoke!”

Tom gave me a lopsided grin, eyes alight with mischief. “Care to wager on Luke’s participation again, Maude?”

“What stakes?”

“A late night dalliance of the oral persuasion, underneath the moon and stars? Winner is the receiver.”

“You’re on. Though that’s not really much of an incentive.”

His mouth dropped open. “Why not?”

“Because I’ll enjoy it just as much whether I win or lose.”

He sucked my earlobe into his mouth, then flicked it repeatedly with his tongue. “Are you certain that’s the case?”

“Not anymore.”

“Good.”

“Shut the fuck up, Tom. Terms?”

“Guess how many alcoholic beverages he’ll need to consume before he’s loosened up enough to sing in front of an entire bar. We each pick a number, one closest without going over wins. I choose five. Absolutely NO coercion or interference from either of us.”

“Fine. I’m going with two.”

He laughed. “Luke needs to be intoxicated in order to sing, period. He doesn’t even sing in the car, to the best of my knowledge. So very many drinks would be required for him to perform in public that he’ll likely pass out first. You won’t win.”

“Yes. I will.  I’m already plotting all the things I’m going to make you do with that tongue of yours….”  

“Damn.”

“Damn right.”

************************************************** From the outside, the Nawiliwili Tavern is an unassuming white building with green and red accents. Inside, it’s a quirky, homey, wood-laden watering hole with televisions everywhere, a horseshoe shaped bar, a Foosball table, a pool table, lots of neon and local artifacts aplenty. Karaoke happened right smack in the middle of all the action, and when we walked in the place was packed, with a grey-haired gentleman in a white tank top and Bermuda shorts belting out Gloria Gaynor’s ‘I Will Survive’. There wasn’t an official dance floor, but that didn’t seem to hamper the crowd’s enthusiasm as they moved and shook in place.

Simon turned to me and grabbed my hands, shouting above the din. “Maude, I have found my people. And if they’re my people, I’m thinking they might just be your people, too. Are they your people?”

I nodded as he dragged me closer to the sound system speakers, still shouting. “LET US DANCE WITH OUR PEOPLE!”

Luke and Tom joined us after the song had ended and things quieted down as the next person browsed the available selections. Luke had two Blue Hawaii drinks, one for himself and the other for Simon, and Tom had something that looked like orange juice in a hurricane glass and what I assumed was a Coke for me.

He smiled widely and handed me the tumbler. “Nice moves there, darling. Since you’re the designated driver I brought you a soda. They don’t have Coke, only Pepsi. Hope that’s acceptable.”

I sighed and rolled my eyes. “I guess I’ll just have to make do.” I kissed his cheek, then pointed to his drink. “Thank you. Now, tell me what the hell that thing is.”

He caressed the side of the glass, running his fingers over its curves. “This is a Tropical Itch. Rum, vodka passion orange juice and orange curacao. Bamboo backscratcher included at no extra charge.” He took a sip, then offered me one.

I shook my head. “I’m driving, remember?”

He pouted. “So there’s no chance of me getting you snockered and having my way with you?”

I snorted.  “Riiight. Because you haven’t had your way with me already.” I grabbed his ass and he emitted a low hiss.

“Minx.” His tone seemed…off. I looked up at him, noting that his expression didn’t quite align with his words, either. He met my gaze, then shifted his eyes to the side for a moment, then back to me as he smiled softly. I knew instantly that the topic of my lack of participation in the consumption of alcohol had reared its ugly head while he and Luke were ordering drinks, and that he’d offered me a sip and posed his suggestive question in the hopes that I’d volunteer an answer to another question…the one he’d rather not have to ask.

It wasn’t as if I’d never been down this road before, but that didn’t make it any less awkward. And this time, I actually gave a shit about the reaction I’d get, which was terrifying but I decided it wouldn’t get any less awkward as time went on. And if I was lucky, he wouldn’t press me for too much background information.  

Taking a deep breath, I put my hand on his forearm and looked into his eyes. “To answer your question…no, Tom, I don’t drink. Historically, alcohol and I make incredibly poor bedfellows, so I’ve made it a point to abstain. Hope that doesn’t pose a problem.” I swallowed and cast my gaze downward as he put a hand on my shoulder.

“How did you know…I…lord, you…I’m not sure I’ll ever get used to you seemingly reading my thoughts, though I certainly do adore it.” He kissed me briefly, his lips soft and warm, slightly sweet with orange and passionfruit juice. “I’m very sorry, Maude. When we were at the bar I initially ordered two Tropical Itches and Luke looked at me as if I had three heads and said ‘don’t tell me you’re such a dolt that you haven’t noticed that she doesn’t drink’, and apparently I am such a dolt because, I hadn’t. I asked if you told him why and he said you hadn’t even told him you didn’t but unlike me he actually possesses observational skills so he picked up on it and that it wasn’t anyone’s business but yours and if you wanted me to know you’d tell me, but…”

He paused, waiting for a response from me. I met his gaze but remained silent.

“I…Maude…of course it’s not a problem for me, not at all…but…is it a problem for you that I do drink? I suppose if it was you would have mentioned it or run for the hills already…shit, I…please, say something before I make an even bigger arse of myself, won’t you?”

“You aren’t making an arse of yourself, Tom. That’s an odd word, isn’t it? Arse. Doesn’t sit well on the tongue.” He raised his left eyebrow, smirking just the tiniest bit. “Other people’s drinking preferences are of no concern to me as long as they don’t impact my own existence in a seriously detrimental fashion.” I patted his bicep. “For the record, abysmal drunken singing is not automatically considered to be seriously detrimental. That’s a case by case basis kind of thing.”

He crossed his hands at the wrist and put them on his chest, right above his heart. “I am deeply offended that you believe my singing will be…abysmal.”

I shrugged. “I was actually referring to the lovely woman currently butchering ‘We Built This City’, which is bad enough when sung on key. But if you think the shoe fits, prove me wrong, Thomas. Get in the karaoke line.”

He leaned down, frowning as he touched his forehead to mine. “You okay?”

“Good, actually. I’ve been dreading that whole conversation. I always wind up feeling like a freak show because the general consensus is that if you don’t party there must be something really, really wrong with you.’”

“Again, my apologies. If you ever want to talk about it…”

“Someday. Thank you. And no need to apologize. By our own admissions, there’s still a ton of shit we don’t know about each other yet. Please, never be afraid to ask me questions, Tom. I’ll always answer as best I can.” I chuckled.

“What?”

“At least you didn’t ask me if it was because it’s against my religion.”

“You’ve been asked that?”

“Yes. Yes I have.”

“Might I inquire as to what your reply was?”

“Let’s just say the conversation went sideways. And that the person hasn’t spoken to me since.” His brow furrowed. “Turned out they didn’t appreciate being lectured on the impact of religion on personal freedom and how it was engineered from the start as a means of controlling the populous…”

Simon came bounding over and put his arm around my waist. “Time for singing, Maude. Let’s go.”

I raised both eyebrows and handed Tom my soda. “Um, okay…mind telling me WHAT it is we’re singing?”

He poked his index finger at my chest. “We will be performing one of my personal favorites – ‘It’s Raining Men’ by the Weather Girls.”

Tom threw his head back and laughed, then fished his phone out of his pocket and waved it at me.

I stuck my tongue out at him. “Film away, baby. I’ll do whatever it takes to get you back in the habit of tweeting more than once every hundred years.”

We sang, we danced, and by the end of the song most of the bar had joined in. After enjoying a round of applause, Simon and I found Tom and Luke in the crowd and pushed and shoved our way to them. I sucked down my entire soda and set the glass on the nearest table while Luke handed Simon a Tropical Itch. He was still nursing his first Blue Hawaii. Simon kissed his cheek.

“Your turn, love. Come sing with me.”

I grinned evilly at Tom. He shook his head. Luke handed me his drink.

“Watch this for me, will you?” I nodded, and Simon passed off his beverage to Tom. I pulled out my phone since I had a hand free, then realized I was way too fucking short to be able to get anything other than the heads of the people in front of me. Tom had set the rest of the drinks on a table, and took Luke’s from me and put it there as well. He held out his hand, palm up.

“May I do the honors?”

I handed over my phone. “Please do. I can’t see for shit.”

He took my hand and worked his way to the front of the crowd so he was directly in front of Luke and Simon, then moved behind me. When the first notes of the song hit my ears and I realized it was ‘I Got You Babe’ I believe I may have actually squealed with delight. Luke did Sonny’s parts, and Simon did Cher’s. It was adorable, the depth of their feelings for each other so blatantly apparent that it moved me to tears. I felt Tom’s arm slip around my waist, followed by him kissing the back of my neck. Looking around the room, I saw that nearly every other couple was entwined in some way, swaying to the music. Tom managed to capture it all, and as soon as the song ended I grabbed the phone and logged into Twitter.

My boss, Luke. My co-worker (and Luke’s fiancé), Simon. Karaoke USUALLY only makes me cry because the singing is SO very bad. #happytearstonightthough  #igotyoubabe #tooadorable #thisjobgetsbetterandbetter

Tom whispered in my ear as he slowly lowered his hand from my waist to my belly. “Well, it appears you’ve won again, Maude. I’m anxiously awaiting the settlement of my debt.”

“You should stop talking, Thomas. Rest that tongue.” He pressed me back against him and I could feel him hard against my ass. I clenched, knowing his hand was in just the right spot to feel everything tighten. His groan almost made me come right there, in the middle of the bar.

“Maaaaauuuuddee.” He bit my neck, and as I turned my head to the side to allow him better access I noticed a woman a few feet away with her camera pointed in our direction. I waved, hearing her gasp as she quickly turned around. I chuckled, and Tom mumbled into my neck. “What’s funny?”

“Prepare yourself, dude. I just caught some woman taking pictures of us…which are totally going to show up on Tumblr any second now.”

“Good. I want the world to know you’re all mine.” He growled and laved the spot he’d bitten with his tongue, then released me as Simon and Luke approached us. “I do believe it’s time for my abysmal performance.”

I rolled my eyes and burst into song. “Let it go, let it GOOOOO…” He blew me a kiss and began perusing the song catalog.

Simon crossed his arms and tapped his foot. “He’ll do Piano Man. I guarantee it.”

I shrugged. “I have no point of reference for his karaoke habits, so I guess I’ll have to take you at your word.”

When Daft Punk’s ‘Get Lucky’ began to play, Simon’s jaw dropped and he patted his pockets frantically as he tried to locate his phone. “Well, fuck me. This is definitely not ‘Piano Man’! Shit, where is my phone?!”

I handed him mine. “Will you film so I can watch him, please?”

He pinched my cheek. “No, let’s make Luke do it. I can’t stand still during this song.”

Luke sighed, but obliged. Since Tom had taken center stage, so to speak, more people began to recognize him. Cameras were raised all around the bar, some patrons standing on tables to get a better view. I heard him singing, and was surprised at how good he sounded, but the majority of my focus was directed upon watching him move. His hips gyrating, pelvis thrusting, spinning with his arms extended, jawline and cheekbones so perfectly shadowed in the dim lighting of the bar. I was sure I heard ‘get Loki’ from somewhere in the crowd a few times, which made me grin like an idiot. It was all over before I could truly process what I’d just witnessed, the sound of the crowd clapping and cheering snapping me back to reality as I watched him bow deeply several times. As he strode toward me, everything else faded in to a blur, and all I saw was Tom. He picked me up and spun me around as if I was as light as a feather, then set me down and dipped me as he kissed me. His smile as he set me upright again nearly made me swoon.

“Well? Was it as terrible as you expected?”

I punched him in the shoulder. “Shut up, asshole. You’re well aware that you were fucking amazing.”

Simon gave my phone back. “Post it, Maude. POST IT.”

Oh look, it’s this guy again. Karaoke. Daft Punk’s ‘Get Lucky’. You’ve never seen it done like this before, trust me. You’re welcome. :) #upallnightforgoodfun? #indeed

Luke’s phone dinged. He checked it, and suddenly his head lolled back, eyes closed, mouth open and tongue protruding.

Simon snorted. “Whoops, I think you finally did him in with that one, honey.”

Tom peeked at the screen over my shoulder and cackled. “Since it’s entirely your fault I expect you’ll be covering all of the funeral expenses?”

I wiggled my fingers and tickled Luke just under his armpit. He tried to maintain his composure but was unable to resist, finally dissolving into a puddle of giggles.

Simon shouted “IT’S ALIVE”, which earned him a huge hug and a rather lengthy kiss. I looked up and Tom, who firmly planted his hand on my back and walked me to the laptop that contained the song list.

“Your turn, my love.”

The left corner of my mouth turned down. “Um, you’re kind of a tough act to follow, you know.”

He shook his head. “I’ve heard you sing. No one will even remember what I did when you’re through.” He kissed my cheek and went to rejoin Luke and Simon, his phone in his hand, ready to record.

I considered Blondie’s ‘One Way or Another’ but decided it was a little too high for me in spots, thought about Adelle’s ‘Skyfall’, which was well within my range but not really a crowd pleaser, and then I found it. Amy Winehouse, ‘Back to Black’. A little raunchy at times, brutally honest and incredibly dark…rather like me. Perfection. It had been at least fifteen years since I’d sung in front of an audience of more than a few people in public, and they were forced to listen to me because we were in the grocery store or on a plane, but I was incredibly calm. I’d sung this one more times than I could remember, and I knew it inside out and upside down. I hit the button and grabbed the microphone, ready to roll.

Halfway through I noticed that the room had gone quiet, not a single sound to be heard other than the music and…me. I knew if I looked at Tom I’d fuck up royally, so I kept my eyes on the screen. When I finished the silence continued for what seemed like an eternity, broken suddenly by thunderous applause, whistles and cat calls. I bowed, then searched the faces around me, trying to find Tom. I saw Luke and Simon, but he wasn’t with them. I made my way over, head tilted, questioning.

Simon pointed to a nearby table. “Honey, you were so good the man had to go sit the fuck down. And I got it all on video. Luke filmed you, and I filmed Tom watching you. Your grandkids will thank me. Or throw up in their mouths a little. Something.”

I followed Simon’s finger, and there was Tom, sitting in a chair, legs spread wide, hands on his thighs, head down and looking at the floor. I approached him slowly, coming to rest between his legs. He wrapped his arms around my waist and buried his face in my stomach. I put one hand on his shoulder and the other on the back of his head, stroking his hair. I heard the first strains of Rick Astley’s ‘Never Gonna Give You Up’ and turned to see Simon, mic in hand, doing his best impression of Rick’s dancing . I gently pried Tom’s arms from around me, slid down and squatted in front of him. His eyes were still directed at the hardwood floor. I leaned my head in and under in an attempt to get him to look at me.

“Hi there.” He raised his head ever so slowly, mouth turned up at the corners almost imperceptibly. His eyes wavered from angry to pained, aroused, and then to adoring as his emotions cycled. He stood, taking my hands and pulling me up with him, then let go so he could place them firmly on my shoulders as he stared at me.

His words came out haltingly, but firm. “I. Love. You.”

I reached out to cup his jaw and ran my thumb along his cheekbone. “And I love you.”

“That was both beautiful and terrible all at once, Maude.”

“Okaaaay…”

“There was so much pain in your voice…raw, naked, real pain.”

“Maybe I’m just a top-notch performer.”

He took two steps towards me, closing the gap between us, his hands still on my shoulders, eyes ablaze. “Is it wrong that I want to decimate whomever is responsible for that pain?”

I shook my head, wishing it was that simple. He let his hands slide down my arms until they were clutching my elbows.

“In addition to that, I’m overwhelmed with pride, joy, and, more than anything else, desire. Everything I’m feeling is a jumbled, incoherent mess and I need you in order to sort it all out. Right now. I need to be inside you, to feel you all around me, your skin against mine, flushed red by the pleasure we’re giving each other, enveloped by your scent…” His hands were shaking, eyes full of desperation. “I…I…just…I need you. I need you, lest I lose my fucking mind, Maude.”

It took all the willpower I possessed to not fuck him senseless right then and there. I felt in my pocket to make sure the car keys Luke had given me when we arrived were still there. Check. The vehicle was roomy enough, I thought, and the windows were darkly tinted to ensure the occupants could remain relatively anonymous. I pulled out my phone and shot off a quick text to Simon, who was just finishing up and basking in the accolades bestowed upon him by the bar’s patrons.

We’re taking a little ride. Won’t be long, about thirty or forty minutes max. Everything’s fine, Tom just needs some air. - XO, M

Talk about uncharted fucking territory. I pushed any negative thoughts aside, telling myself that yes, it is perfectly normal and absolutely possible to grow to love someone so deeply in such a short period of time that you began to need them as much as you needed…well, air. I took Tom by the hand and led him out to the parking lot, and he hesitated when I opened the door for him.

“Maude?”

“Get in the car, Tom.” He complied. I hopped in, put on my seat belt, turned the engine over, put it in reverse and backed out of the parking space. I forgot to brake as I tried to shift it into drive, corrected myself, and headed down the road to find what I was looking for. Two miles down, there it was. A large office complex, dimly lit and completely deserted as it had been when we passed it on the way to the bar. Since it was a holiday, I was reasonably sure it would remain that way. As I pulled into the lot Tom finally realized what I was up to. He unbuckled his seat belt, leaned into me and began licking the hollow between my collarbones as he wriggled his hand under the waistband of my baggy shorts.

“You need to stop that or I’m going to wind up driving the car right through the fucking building.”

He ignored me and began rubbing my mound with the palm of his hand while he slipped three fingers inside me. I drove around to the rear of the property and parked as far back as I could, right next to a privacy fence. He climbed on top of me as soon as I put it park, devouring my mouth, his free hand in my hair as the other worked me into a frenzy. I rode his hand, fingernails raking up and down the back of his white V-neck, screaming his name as I came. He opened the driver side door, rose up off of me and gracefully exited the vehicle, hand extended. I took it, and he helped me up. Neither of us spoke.

I opened the trunk, searched for our beach towels and spread all of them across the back seat, tucking the edges into the space between the top and the bottom of the bench. I didn’t think it was nearly long enough for him to stretch out, but we’d most likely be able to fit without having to leave the door open. I turned around to find him completely naked, cock standing proudly erect. I yanked my T-shirt over my head while he unhooked my bra, taking a breast in each hand, bending to suck on my nipples in turn as I wiggled out of my shorts and underwear. He stood back to look at me in the moonlight, fireworks sounding off in the distance and reflecting in his eyes, then moved closer to touch my face with his fingertips. He pushed me backward gently, motioning for me to lie down on the seat. I squirmed as I did, struggling to find a comfortable position, and when I finally stilled he bent over, entered the car headfirst, closed the door behind him, then crawled between my legs and up my body like a cat. He looked as if he wanted to eat me alive, and I was SO totally fine with that.

I could feel him hard against me, poised at my entrance. He stared at me, unmoving, waiting. For what, I didn’t know. His voice startled me when he spoke.

“Will you let me make love to you, Maude?”

I raised my hips, shifting so the head of his cock slid into me. “Please, Thomas. Fuck me.” He pulled back and out of my reach.

“No. I don’t want to just fuck you. I want to make love to you. Pleasure your body with the reverence it deserves.”

The realization that I had no idea what that actually meant hit me like a freight train. I panicked, then decided to opt for honesty.

“I don’t think I know how that’s supposed to work.”

“You let go and let me love you. That’s how it works.”

I frowned. “Still not getting it.”

He resumed staring at me, and it slowly dawned on me that what he so desperately needed was not just a physical connection, but an emotional one as well, wherein we focused on the way our bodies came together, instead of them just…coming. Two people becoming one. Possessing each other fully, completely. I twined my legs with his.

“Take me, Thomas. Make me yours.”

He thrust his tongue into my mouth as he sank into me, his lips finally closing over mine, our breath mingling. He propped himself up on his elbows, raised my hands so they lay beside my head, then wrapped his fingers around mine as he rested his full weight on me.

Our tongues danced around each other, pulling back, pushing forward, licking, mouths sucking, teeth biting. He lifted his head so he could meet my gaze as he began to move, a fraction of an inch at a time at first, finally pulling nearly all the way out then sheathing himself fully over and over again. I was panting, and the urge to clamp down on him was overwhelming, but I breathed deeply and concentrated on the way our bodies joined, fitting each other so perfectly, the way his cock felt when it was completely buried in my cunt, the way it dragged against my walls as he thrust in and pulled back again and again. This beautiful man above me, looking deep into my soul, making me feel like I was his entire world. And he was mine. There was nothing else, just us, skin on skin, pleasure emanating from where we connected, and I never wanted it to end.

I felt him twitch inside me, and our eyes locked. He sped up, full weight still on me, hips undulating like waves. My breasts moved with him as he rocked us, nipples rubbing against the hair on his chest, his pubic bone pressing deliciously against my clit with every thrust. The tension in my belly rose, setting me alight, the fire spreading throughout my entire body. When I began to shudder, he let go of my hands and slid both arms underneath me, raising my upper body to him, cradling me, one hand buried in my hair and holding my head, my name an invocation on his lips.

I wrapped my arms around him, clinging to him as if I were drowning and he was the only one who could save me, staring into his eyes as I…let go. It was almost an out of body experience, an orgasm that seemed to go on forever, involving every molecule that comprised the shell that housed my spirit. An explosion, bathing me in warm, bright light. And he was right there with me, coming and coming deep inside me, anointing our union with his essence.

I burst into tears, overcome with emotion. He moved his hands to my thighs, lifting me, and shifted us, still joined, to a sitting position so I was on his lap, holding me and rubbing my back as I sobbed against his neck.

“Shh, shh, I’m here, I’m here.”

The minutes ticked by, and as my storm subsided I lifted my head and brushed away my tears with my forearm, then placed my hands on either side of his face, leaning in close.

“I love you, Thomas. Sorry for falling apart. I…it’s…I…I’ve never experienced anything like what just happened before. Ever. Not even close. Thank you. For that. And for loving me.”

He rested his forehead against mine, eyes wet with tears of his own. “And oh, how I do love you. Please don’t be sorry, Maude. The fact that your feelings about me, about us, are so intense means…well, everything. And I’m the one should be thanking you. You gave me what I needed. You let me in. You let go. You gave me you. All of you.”

We held each other until I began tittering softly.

He cocked his head. “What?”

“Nothing.” He raised his brows at me. “Fine. It’s just…we’re having, like, this MOMENT and then I remembered that we’re naked in a fucking rental car in a parking lot on the 4th of July in Hawaii and that we totally ditched Simon and Luke at a bar like we’re a couple of fucking horny teenagers and…” I was laughing so hard that I thought I was going to pee my pants, and then I realized that I wasn’t wearing pants and that pushed me over the edge and I was crying again.

Tom’s laughter began as a low rumble in his chest, then escalated to full on guffawing, and soon enough we were both weeping and clutching at each other.

Once we could look at each other again without losing our shit, he grabbed the towel nearest to us and slipped it under me as I lifted myself off of him, then opened the car door to gather the clothes we’d strewn across the macadam. He dressed me, kissing me everywhere as he went. My ankles, the backs of my knees, my belly button, up and down my spine, my eyelids. When I wanted to return the favor he refused.

“If your lips even so much as graze my skin, we’ll never make it back to Nawiliwili tonight.”

Since he hadn’t even finished his first drink, I let him drive while I checked my phone. There was a text from Simon, sent five minutes ago.

Your forty minutes were up ten minutes ago, girlie. I’m a total slut for karaoke, but I don’t think my voice can take much more. Get your asses back here, please. – XO, S

I texted him back.

We’re on our way. Be there in two minutes. I’d say I’m sorry, but…I’m really not, so… - XO, M

He replied immediately.

Bitch. ;P – XO, S

We parked and walked in, hand in hand. Simon and Luke were chatting away with another couple, and as we approached them I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned to see the woman from earlier who’d been taking pictures of us. Tom looked at me, and I nodded and let go of his hand so he could go join Luke and Simon.

“Um, hi. I’m really sorry to bother you but I just wanted to tell you that I’m sorry about before. It was really wrong for me to take pictures of you guys when you’re just living your lives. That was a totally private moment. I mean, I wouldn’t want a stranger taking a picture of me and my boyfriend like that…anyway, I didn’t post them online or anything, and I deleted them off my phone. I was just really excited because I’m a big fan and…so, yeah. Sorry for being an asshole.”

I patted her arm and smiled. “Thank you for apologizing. And since you didn’t post them, you are absolutely not an asshole as far as I’m concerned. I completely understand how it happened. He’s just so damn beautiful, how could you not, right?” She laughed. “Want to meet him?”

She blushed and held up her hands. “Oh, no, no…I couldn’t, not after what I did, I feel like such a shit.”

“Don’t worry about it. Come on. And sorry, I forgot to ask…what’s your name?”

“Samantha.”

I shook her hand. “Nice to meet you, Samantha. I’m Maude.”

Her blush deepened. “I know.”

I brought her over to Tom, introduced her and took their picture, and when I told her it was fine to post it online she said she’d think about it but would probably have it printed instead. She thanked us and went back to her group of friends across the room. As Luke took a handful of glasses back to the bar, Simon pointed at me accusingly.

“You’ve had your fun, now I want mine. For the love of Christ, let’s get OUT of here already. And please tell me you’re a fast driver. Please.”

I nodded. “I am. But I’m not driving. Tom is.”

He rolled his eyes. “Oy. He drives like my grandpa. We’ll just have to fuck in the backseat on the way there then, I guess.”

Tom snickered, and I pretended to smack the back of his head.

Simon’s face scrunched up in disgust. “You didn’t. Did you?” I shrugged. “You did!”

Luke returned, brow furrowed. “Did what?”

Simon shook his head. “You don’t want to know. All I’m sayin’ is that I’m putting towels down before I sit in that car.”

I held up a finger. “Yeah. About those towels…”