#let's play a game ; you and i.

[alpaca-clouds]

BG3 fans, we gotta talk CPTSD

Okay, I have spend about a week considering writing this blog, but I really gotta say, that it is something people really need to understand. See, I mostly see this issue with Astarion and his depiction in fandom. However, I would argue that it is a thing that affects literally all characters that play some sort of bigger in this entire game. Including many NPCs.

But let me start with Astarion. See, I wrote the blog two weeks ago about people being judgy on people, who do not want to have graveyard sex with him. Mostly people will argue how Astarion should be allowed to have his agency in that moment - while I argued that whoever the player is playing should have also agency in that scene. Including the agency to say "no" for whatever reason. I also included that my Tav absolutely denied Astarion, because he was not trusting that Astarion in the scene really was ready for it, for a variety of reasons. Which is very much a valid reason for someone not to want to sleep with someone else. (Literally every reason is a good reason for that, mind you.)

And obviously there came the comment, that went basically: "As someone who was raped I am very appalled by you saying that raped people cannot consent." Which is very much not what I said.

What I said was, that my Tav did not consent. Yes, he did not consent because he thought Astarion was not ready for it - but he is the one not consenting. It does not matter for this whether his assumption about Astarion is true or not. Tav does not feel comfortable in the scene, so Tav does not want sex right there.

However... If you consider the drow orgy scene, Tav is also very much right. If you do that scene after defeating Cazador, Astarion is enthusiastically consenting to that orgy, but he still ends up dissociating during the scene. (And in that scene, even if your character notices it, you cannot go "Stop!" Which I hate.)

Here is the thing. If you are in the BDSM scene, you might actually have encountered a scenario in real life where someone was enthusiastically consenting to something - only to them realize, that they were not into it at all. And people can withdraw their consent IRL at this point. Only that in this game, obviously you can't. So within the game choices I will just start out with "no" for this character.

Still, that is actually not what I mainly wanted to talk about. No.

What I wanted to talk about is the other thing. I absolutely know that for a variety of reasons a lot of SA survivors do identify with Astarion, and I do not want to take that from anyone. I think it is amazing that we got a character with whom we see this issue portrayed seriously. And let's face it. Especially in tumblr fandom circles, we will have a lot of SA survivors, because the userbase of this website is majority afab, and many are queer. And we know from statistics that queer afab people are even more likely than non-queer afab people to experience SA at some point in there life. So, yes, Astarion is going to be embraced by this community makes sense - even without his dashing looks.

But here we get to the actual meat of the issue: Astarion was not just raped. Astarion was abused in a variety of ways - some of them sexual - over the course of 200 years. He went not through a single traumatic event, but an ongoing trauma that, again, lasted for 200 years.

Or to put different: Astarion does not have PTSD. He has C-PTSD. Complex trauma. The kind of trauma that develops when the trauma lasts over a long, long time, without the survivor getting a chance to ever really properly ever relax. Something that was very true for Astarion's time under Cazador. He was under constant threat of rape, torture, and other forms of violence.

While CPTSD is a form of PTSD, it has some differing symptoms - and additional symptoms from plain old PTSD.

I found this graphic on this blog here, and found it fairly good in the depictions. (If you google CPTSD you will find several graphics like this.) It shows very well the additional symptoms, compared to normal trauma.

Generally speaking, CPTSD brings a lot stronger issues with self-worth, interpersonal problems, and emotional regulation. CPTSD folks are often prone to emotional outbursts (this graphic names anger, but technically it can be all other kinds of emotional outbursts - which is why at times CPTSD gets confused with BPD).

And Astarion is written like this. He shows very much all the symptoms of CPTSD. And let's be honest: That is an issue he will have to deal with for a long, long while.

But... As I said, the same is actually true for pretty much all the characters.

If you look at the companions, it is obvious.

Gale spent at least a year in constant fear of blowing up. While Mystra's abusiveness towards him within the relationship prior the orb is more fanon than canon (though the relationship was defnitely not an easy one), the "one year in constant fear of death" is very likely going to instill some form of CPTSD in him.

Karlach was a slave for 10 years, forced to fight in the hells. While she will also probably suffer from certain forms of PTSD more common in soldiers. Additionally I would argue that she also has some CPTSD from tiefling-racism. While she does not bring it up often... She does seem to have a thing there.

With Wyll it is a bit more complicated. Yes, for him I would see the kind of CPTSD I have - parental abuse related. Ulder was not openly abusive, but neither was my mother, and guess what fucked me most up in my childhood, despite experiencing some really bad violence elsewhere.

Shadowheart was abused by Viconia and midwashed and tortured and was forced to kill her fucking pet mouse. Bonus points that a lot of it happened during her childhood. She very much is gonna suffer the consequences.

Lae'zel... Do I really need to say something about her upbringing among the Gith?

Then we have Halsin. We know fairly little about his background, given that he is very coy in talking about it. But his "three years as a drow slave" definitely make it likely that he has developed some form of CPTSD.

And then we have Jaheira and Minsc. For whom just the... Well, look folks, the adventuring lifestyle would logically also leave you with CPTSD of some sort.

Even if you play a Tav who entered the game after having a very untraumatic life... They will spent what has to be at least two months with a tadpole in their head threatening to kill them - while half of Baldur's Gate is trying to do the same. They'll have PTSD after this at the very least, if not CPTSD. (Even though, let's face it, chances are we all gave our Tavs more than enough background trauma to go along with it, right?)

And same goes for so many other characters. The tiefling refugees. Our main villains (especially Gortash and Orin). Cazador. The other vampire spawn (duh). The list goes on.

So, what am I trying to say here?

Well, for once I just want to make sure folks understand that CPTSD is a thing that exists and while being similar to normal PTSD differs in some points. Including the fact that people with CPTSD have a high likelihood to make very rash decisions driven by instable emotional states, that might be harmful to them on the long run.

And mind you. In real life most people with CPTSD have it because either they were bullied for a long time, or were in an abusive relationship of some sort. (Abusive parents, abusive partners, abusive friends/roommates.) But even in those heightened scenarios the game represents for the most part - the issues are gonna be still mainly the same.

[alwayshinny]

Hinny 🍂 🍃- AU where Hinny grew up together and everyone lived

Lily gazed out the window as she took a sip of her tea. It had been over an hour since Harry whispered into his godfather’s ear and dragged him outside to rummaged through the leaves. Every so often Sirius would pick up a leaf and show it to him, and Harry would dramatically slap his forehead before explaining something to him. Sirius rolled his eyes, dropped the leaf, raised his hands in defeat, and continued rummaging through the leaves again.

“What is he looking for?” Marlene asked.

“I have no idea,” she replied, shaking her head.

She opened the back door to let him know the Weasley’s would be over any second and smirked when her son’s ears perked up as he came bolting into the house with a handful of leaves in his hand. He eagerly waited in front of the fireplace and kept glancing back and forth between the clock and fireplace while he hid the leaves behind his back. She gave him a curious look, but before she could question him, a herd of redheads dashed through the floo in pairs.

Once they all greeted each other and the chaos had somewhat settled down, James nudged her and pointed to the corner of the living room where their son was blushing while talking to the youngest Weasley. She too had something hidden behind her back. They counted to three and presented each other with a handful of leaves before breaking into a fit of giggles. The only difference between their piles was that Harry’s was an assortment of reds and browns, while Ginny’s were green.

Harry gently picked up an orangey red leaf from his pile and placed it by Ginny’s hair and said, "See, it’s the same color," before picking up a brown leaf and placing it beside her eyes and saying, “And this one too!” Clearly pleased with himself.

Ginny giggled as she placed her pile of green leaves on the table, tilted Harry’s head down slightly, carefully pushed his glasses into his hair, and tapped her chin as she compared each green leaf to his eyes.

Lily tired not to laugh as Harry’s face got increasingly red and his eyes widened the closer she got to him. “This one!” She squealed and jumped up excitedly.

Ron huffed loudly in frustration, “Can we finally go play Quidditch now?”

Ginny rolled her eyes at her brother before returning Harry’s glasses to his nose and smiling sweetly at him as they placed the three leaves on the opposite side of the table. Ginny got a mischievous look in her eyes as she tugged Harry’s hand, sprinting towards the door, and yelled behind her, “Last one outside has to wear Aunt Muriel’s knickers for a whole day!”

“HEY! I'M NOT DOING THAT AGAIN!” Ron yelled as he ran behind them. His legs were longer, but those two were quick on their feet, weaving through everyone and spirting out the door.

Sirius snorted and shook his head as he placed his arm around James’ shoulder. “And I thought you had it bad, Prongs. At least your son has more game than you, and he’s far more handsome. Hmm he must get it from his godfather.”

“OI! I have plenty of game, and the ladies find me plenty handsome, okay. Just the other day, Bathilda Bagshot, Griselda Marchbanks, AND Augusta Longbottom called me a sight for sore eyes. Tell him, Lily!” James argued. Lily chose that moment to quickly slip out into the backyard with Marlene and the rest of the Weasleys, playing Quidditch sounded far more appealing than dealing with those two.

[w1tchybusiness]

i could write a 100 page essay about what a fucking masterpiece warframe is. i will write many words in the tags. please readem if you want my 'tism.

[superdz555]

EVERYBODY SHUT THE FUCK UP I JUST BEAT CLUBSTEP

[suspendingtime]

Let's play tag!

Thank you @hydriotaphia, for tagging me. 😊

Last song: 'Purpose' from Avenue Q.

I've just been on and off rotating soundtracks from musicals all day. Highlights, that have been replayed an obscene amount of times, have included; 'We Know' from Hamilton, 'Say My Name' from Beetlejuice, 'If I Were A Man' from The Unofficial Bridgerton Musical (ofc, lol), and 'Surface Pressure' from Encanto. And yes, I sang/yelled along to them.

Fav colour: BLUUUUUEEEE. 🩵💙

Currently watching: Fellow Travelers, Star Trek (TOS), Invincible, and also rewatching random episodes of Community.

Last movie: Fair Play, which starred Phoebe Dynevor! ❤️

Currently reading: 😳 'Without You, There Is No Us: My Time With the Sons of North Korea's Elite' by Suki Kim.

The title pretty much gives you the gist. I put it down for a while when the last round of my North Korea fixation ebbed, but I'm hoping to go back and finish it soon!

Sweet/Savoury/Spicy: IN WHAT CONTEXT?! But... spicy.

Relationship status: omfgbdurrjhelp

Current obsession: Please see the answer above, and Bridgerton obviously, and also Fellow Travelers for now.

And uhh, making some uhh, strange digital 'art'. 😬

Last google: 👀 'machine that gives people contractions'

Umm, I was trying to confirm if the name of the thing I was thinking of was correct. It wasn't, I confused TEMS (whatever that is) with a TENS machine.

Currently working on: Hawgle. ❤️ 🦅🙎🏻‍♂️

This is one of those digital 'art' projects. I won't explain the reasoning, but I'm editing Hawkins Fuller's head on to the body of an eagle. Phase 1 has been baselined. And the aesthetic objective of phase 2 is currently being workshopped.

Current game: Hm🤔, I think the game the last game I played properly was Cities: Skylines (it was borderline obsessive; a "night and day, I dream of you." level of attachment).

Before that there was another bout of The Sims 4. But I've been itching to replay Life Is Strange: True Colours lately.

__________________________________________________

😅 I shall be tagging those who tagged me (and who I subsequently tagged) in the last one I did: @andthebubbles, @stars-of-kyber, @islemeadow, @ladykettlechips, @eleanor-bradstreet, @colettebronte, @faye-tale (some of you might wanna go ahead and clear your search history lmao). And, let's see *rubs hands together* @bridgerversemusings, @sorryallonsy, @queenofmean14, and @mimix007.

Completely optional for everyone, except for the first person tagged (as the one responsible for the googling and the new 'art' project; this is mandatory).

[insufferablemonsters]

i diagnose you with hot tagged by @daxamight. <3 ilysm tagging @wickedlehane @libraryrippcr @baby-royalty @xxgotthedevilinsidexx + all my mutuals !!

pink panther hot

you're a modern queen. you sit to the side of the dance floor and drink out of martini glasses, a perfect vantage point to look over your court. you like to see the way people's eyes linger on you, hoping you'll see them, that they'll gain your approval. you are offered drinks by many overeager servants throughout the night. when you finally join the ball, the sea of people parts just for you, and you hear the nervous titters of the crowd who are so captivated by what you'll do next.

[tricksheart]

go to pinterest, enter your character name + core and post the first nine pictures.

Tagged by: @foraltruism Tagging: @praeteritus-memories ( for Gojo ), @beauthief, @gloryseized, @alm1ghtysea, @trattcria, and anyone else who wants to do this. Say that I tagged you.

[mothmanwarble]

anyone else lie awake at night wondering if wilikin village or the wilikin workshop got torn apart by the sky eater during the events of superchargers or……..

[angelicdevil]

So are all the Palestinians angry about Joe Biden dismissing the fact that he has an active part in their families’ death “undercover magat”s with “no other valid reason”?

And of course every single point fails to mention directly the loads of Palestinians criticizing Biden for supporting their genocide and instead wants to say everything in the most dismissive way possible.

[lvebug]

an andie eliot reading guide (tags drop pt 1)

[cherubicwitch]

ok no I’m actually really frustrated w my shadowheart “ask for kiss” conversation prompt being broken bc it’s been fucked up since hotfix 6 or something and I’ve already sent two reports for it /: I’m honestly excited to finish my current playthrough so I can just fucking restart and get the romance /:

[bmpmp3]

style savvy styling star went OFF with the fact that you could replay the idol music sequences with your own character and outfit lipsyncing to it. every game with character customization and in-engine music videos NEEDS to let you do this

[mangostar]

stuck on the soul master boss i need to die immediately

[darabeatha]

𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐂 𝐆𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐄𝐒

holding hands · holding onto arm / holding out arm · buying flowers · cooking · cuddles · writing a poem / song · holding door open · tying shoe laces · sharing a milkshake with two straws · offering their jacket wing when it's cold · kissing in the rain · publicly confessing love · long walks at the beach · doing the titanic pose on a boat · taking cute pictures in a photobooth · sharing a taxi / uber · kissing the back of their hand · slow dancing · getting tickets of their favourite artist / sports team / other · introducing them to their parents · lighting candles · flower petals on bed · love letters · star gazing · brushing / doing their hair · picnics · teaching them to play an instrument / a sport while gently guiding their hands · compliments · late night drives walks · taking selfies together · drawing them · self-made gifts · massages · proposing with a family heirloom ring · lending them their favourite book to read · paying for dinner / coffee · mixtapes / playlists · surprise birthday parties · feeding them · handing them keys to their apartment · making space in drawer for their clothes when they stay over · sharing a blanket · couple costumes · tucking a hair strand behind their ear · running after them at the airport / keeping them from leaving · moving cities to be together · blowing a kiss · breakfast in bed · defending them in a fight (verbally / physically) · joint bubble baths · dropping the L-bomb ("I love you") · dedicating a song at the karaoke bar to them · wearing their clothes · yawning before putting an arm around them while watching a movie · grant them the last bite (from meal)

Tagged by: no one! yoinked it / Tagging: y e w

[imperial-agent]

i wish modern UI a very nice die already

[timewontwait]

    "It's showin' up as blank for me, even though I'm POSITIVE I filled it out. Anyway, I'm chill with us just bein' bros."

" Yeah, I'm good with bros! " Totally blank. Nothing to read into here.