Is it true that there's no animosity between you and... you know, you know who. You never talk about her in any way. I guess I'm curious. You guys seemed like really close friends and then just weren't friends at all. And there was some stuff she said that seemed very targeted at you...
I don't know if she feels any animosity toward me or not any more. Our mutual friends have said she doesn't and I take them on their word in that regard, assuming that if they have an answer for me it's because they're aware how she feels. I wouldn't know and it's not my place to put words in her mouth.
I haven't spoken to her/about her in a long time and the only time she even crosses my mind is when people bring her up to me. As for me feeling any animosity? I'll admit my feelings on her these days are complicated and way too nuance-core for people who aren't my friends to hear about but I wouldn't call them animosity in any way. I inherently want people my friends care about to live well because I care about my friends, and anyone my friends care about by proxy and I still share friends with her. I would never wish ill on people my friends care about so animosity doesn't fit into that by definition. I'd say I'm hurt more than anything and even then I've worked through a lot of it with trusted friends who have helped me deal with my emotions in a healthy way.
(Besides, my own life struggles keep me from even being able to invest time into animosity. I have to expend that energy loving my family, doing my best to support them during our struggles. And I've never been a hateful person it isn't in me. I would rather play 'Hot To Go' by Chappell Roan and teach my dad how to do the hand gestures to help him strengthen his muscles again than focus on hating anyone...)
I try not to think about her because it hurts. I often think that people forget that I'm a real person outside of her sphere, and that I wouldn't want to talk about what happened because I truly did consider her a friend for a long time. And when someone I consider a friend appears to not regard me with care any more suddenly and I don't even have closure on that... well... it hurts... A lot. Of course I never talk about it.
And I'm not stupid, I have seen some stuff she's said that I've gathered was about me. I remind myself that she has a right to vent in her own spaces and I truly mean that... it's just a shame that her own spaces have people who then have taken these things to me to show me (after all, I wouldn't have even seen these things myself if not for third-party anons going 'this u?') saying it is my own fault because I was a terribly cruel friend or my own fault for not listening to warnings about her when I had the chance and that makes me a stupid gullible bitch. You lot haven't seen some of the awful shit about me from some of her more ravenous fans and haters I've seen over the years that I've had to let roll off my back in the fear it would bring backlash - not even to me, to her. I don't want to be the cause of any hatred going to anyone.
Also I'm just not going to ever talk about the details of our fallen friendship or our fallen relationship. That's private. She might be a public person to some extent but I never was, even if I do gain some measure of small fandom for my work one day I'm just private about personal matters especially raw ones. I almost deleted this ask entirely but Idk I never stated that it bothers me when people talk to me about her from my own mouth, so I guess that's what this ramble is.
If you send me anything about Lily Orchard it will not be addressed. I am not a part of her life not even through our mutual friends. I do not know or care what's going on with her public/personal life. I haven't kept up. I will never keep up. Don't treat me as an extension of the situation because I am not in the situation. In the most plainly stated sense of the word: Leave me the Hell alone. (...pretty please.)
All I've wanted this entire time was to be left alone to process everything in a healthy, peaceful way. I'm workin' on it.
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Hii love, how are you doing?
I had this little idea for the Mermaid Au:
What if gil and thena have been out all day and when they are heading back home, thena is too tired to keep using her legs and just colapses getting her tail back on so gil has to carry her all the way home. She is a little embarrassed about it but gil being the perfect boyfriend that he is comforts her and takes care of her.
Have a good day!! 🩷🤍
"Angelfish?"
Thena startled, catching her eyes drooping again. They'd had a wonderful day out, meeting Sersi for lunch, going to the mall with her to shop for clothes, then going to the market to get more fun things, like food. It was a fun day but she couldn't say she wasn't exhausted.
"Hey," Gil said more softly, turning to her and stopping despite the many, many bags in his hands. "You okay?"
She smiled at him, flashing her teeth, "of course!"
Gil smiled at her too, although his eyes dashed down just for a second. "Put those away, sweetie. We're almost home."
Thena ran her tongue around the inside of her mouth. Her fangs were poking out. She was losing her careful touch. "It was fun--being out with Sersi."
If Gil thought her behaviour was odd he kept it to himself. He shifted the bags so he could hold her hand. "It was, huh?"
"She found quite a lot of treasures," Thena denoted, glancing down at the many bags Gil was carrying. Sersi had insisted he carry them all.
"Yeah, Sersi's always wanted a sister to go out and do girl stuff with, like shopping and getting her hair done," Gil chuckled. "Even if I offered, she didn't wanna go shopping with her big brother. Not the same, y'know?"
She didn't. But Thena smiled; there did seem to be an interesting mentality to the activity of 'shopping', much like pack hunting. There was a bond, a pack mentality of a shared goal and a group satisfaction when treasure was found.
"Are you okay?" he asked her again, even leaning slightly to look into her eyes despite their difference in height. "She didn't tire you out?"
She had, but she wouldn't trade the fun they'd had for it. "No! Hunting with Sersi was quite enjoyable. It felt like when Kari and I would go looking for pearls."
Gil always enjoyed when she used imagery from her life back home. "I guess it would be like that."
They lapsed into silence again. Thena yawned, getting a taste of the salty air as they got closer to the water. She longed to slither into bed with Gil and have him massage the spot where her gills would be.
"Angelfish?...Thena!"
She blinked, wobbling on her feet and drifting into him.
Gil reacted, dropping any bags not dangling from his wrist and steadying her against him. "Sweetheart, are you okay?"
She tried to reply, but she just blinked, feeling tongue-tied. She tried to get her feet under her again but she kept stumbling. "Gil?"
"Okay, okay, it's okay," he whispered as he brought them down lower. His head swivelled around until he gathered the bags and pulled her tighter. "Just a sec, Angelfish, it's okay."
Thena clung to him as he awkwardly shuffled them away from the sidewalk and onto the grass by a bench. They were lucky that they had parked Titania closer to the less used docks. Her eyes bulged, "Gil!"
"I know, sweetie, I know," he whispered to her, kissing her temple as he got her seated on the bench.
Thena gripped the back of it, watching her legs come together and scales erupt down the length of them again. Her tail reformed in front of her very eyes. It was a newfound, human reflex, but her hands went to tug at the hem of her dress (not that it mattered now).
Gil got her tail situated, as well as their many bags as he sat down next to her. He placed his hand on the shimmering scales of her tail, "you okay?"
Thena stared at her fins, blushing terribly. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be sorry," he grinned, but that wasn't helping. He ran his palm over her scales, "you've had a long day. Maybe your body felt your feet hurting and your tail decided to take over."
Thena grumbled within her throat. She touched a hand to her neck--her gills were emerging, too. "I understand the word 'humiliating' better, now."
Gil leaned over, kissing her cheek. "Come on, it's not that bad."
She gave him a look, flopping her tail limply as it was laid over his lap. If they were at home cuddling this would be one thing, but they were out in broad daylight.
"Okay, it's not ideal," he amended, still smiling though. He continued to admire her scales, petting her tail the way she'd seen people pet cats or dogs. She flicked the end of it. "I like seeing your tail."
Her blush wasn't getting any better. "You can't flatter the problem away."
"Maybe not," he shrugged. "So I have to carry you home, so what?"
It was embarrassing, that was what--like being a guppy and injuring your fin and having to one-sidedly paddle home.
"What if someone sees?" she mumbled, pulling her cardigan tighter around herself.
"Maybe they'll just think I'm carrying home my lovely girlfriend," Gil suggested so easily. It was a far cry from the man terrified of letting her walk around in public just a year ago. "My mate, I guess. And she's got on such a pretty, sparkly dress."
Thena sighed, letting him adjust his hold on her and scoot her more into his lap. She wrapped her arms around his neck instinctively. "Will people believe that?"
"Does it matter?"
Thena let him pile some of the bags in her lap and grasp the rest. Then he picked her up, carrying her tail the way he would her bent legs and behind her back. At least she wasn't slipping out of his grasp.
"Here we go," Gil grunted as he adjusted her weight and the load of their bounty. "Ready?"
Thena declined to answer, choosing to bury her face in the side of his neck. The bounce of his chest against her told her he was still finding this all rather humorous.
"Y'know, the first time I held you to get you out of the water," he began during their short but significantly slower trip back to the beach. "I thought 'wow, she's so light'. And then I realised how tight I had to hold you and, uh, I tried not to think about the rest."
"Hm," she mused, still preferring the refuge of hiding herself away.
"You were warmer than I thought you would be," he continued, regardless of her embarrassment. "Holding your tail is harder than holding onto legs. But it's not like it's totally unstructured either."
"Is that so?" she asked mostly just to say something. She eyed her tail, uselessly flopping over the edge of his arm.
"I can't carry you on my back like this, but we have a name for this method."
"For what?" she lifted her head to look at him. He had that grin on his face that he got when he was about to teach her something about human life.
"Holding someone--carrying them like this," he indicated, bouncing her a little despite the crinkling of the bags. "It's called the bridal carry."
"What's that?"
Gilgamesh looked at her, his eyes soft and warm. "It's for, uh, mates. It's not that only mates do this, but the original name for it means...something pretty significant."
She still didn't understand what he was really talking about. But he had that look on his face that made her insides feel like a school of minnows. She blinked a few times, resisting the urge to clamp down on his neck and declare him hers. Humans didn't do that kind of thing to lay claim to their mates.
"What I'm saying is I'm happy to carry you, Angelfish," he clarified, continuing down the hill. The beach came into view, "we're almost there."
She kept her thoughts to herself. Gil was right, they were mates. She had no reason to find him helping her so terrible. She would do the same for him if he were injured. She opted not to sink her teeth into his shoulder; humans had more gentle ways of affection.
Gil smiled as she pressed her lips to his cheek and the faint rumble of her purring started. "I've got you, Angelfish."
He had her for all her life, if only he knew.
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