#light of my goddamn life

[silverraes]

Pit Babe + actual sentences they say in the show (alternative title: Pit Babe + causing me psychic damage)

[novantinuum]

the longer I’m in this fandom the more alien I’ve decided Steven eventually becomes over time as he ages

[curestardust]

SHAMAN: "There was blood and tears. He would understand the weight of nature and regain his footing on the solid earth. That was the moment when he became my student." Shamane Trailer - "Plodding Through the Snow"

[mrs-snape5984]

“I finally found you…”

“I remember all them days I waited so patiently, until god brought someone who's gonna be good to me. And he blessed my soul…” (“I found you” by Alabama Shakes)

Twenty one years ago, I found the love of my life. I opened a book…and suddenly he was there….stepping angrily into my life with wide billowing robes. Surrounded by a gloomy cloud of bitterness and sarcasm…piercing my heart with his sharp wit.

Only a few sentences….and I fell head over heels for this arrogant, brilliant mastermind. He’s my other half…the one, I’m finding myself within.

His cynicism - a clear indication of his high intellect - is matching my sense of sarcasm so exquisitely. In his bitterness - a telltale sign of his high sensitivity - I feel at home. Sharing our emotions of loneliness and grief makes them feel less unbearable.

Stubborn and stoical, he’s braving the cruelty of the world…allowing me to find inspiration in his resilience. Each of his words is divine to me…comforting my troubled soul.

Twenty one years of loving this character never failed to make me feel less alone. Twenty one years, I had a companion…an ally to face the traumatic events of my life with him by my side. Twenty one years….and I’ll never stop counting.

Twenty one years of unconditional…undeniable love for him. Twenty one years with Severus Snape.

I’ve commissioned my friend Mani, the wonderful @madfantasy, to make the moment of finding the love of my existence come to life. Mani, I will never understand, how perfectly you’re capable of grasping the deepest truth of my heart. Your drawing hand seems to have a direct connection to my soul. There can’t be another explanation for the excellence of your understanding of my ideas. My dear friend, you’re having an unique gift with your incredibly outstanding art style. Each time, I see a piece of your work, my heart swells with joy and gratitude. I enjoy every little bit of our interactions, Mani. Every smile, every tear, every single emotion between our lines makes you so precious to me. Thank you for everything. 🥹

🖤Severus & Julia🖤

[everythingisconfetti]

what is the best love song ever written and why is it Fair by The Amazing Devil?

[raayllum]

anyway just like i laid out (loosely) in mutual salvation theory and in my previous analysis of TDP’s darkness-light motif Rayla is going to save Callum emotionally/mentally from the darkness (Aaravos), thereby teaching him how to walk in the balance as he comes back from the brink / connects to the Moon arcanum out of his love for her, he is then going to lose her and save her physically from Aaravos by exchanging the cube for her, thank you goodnight

[soppingwetrat]

i need everyone to know right now that i will never shut up ab gerard keay and the fact that he's happy. seriously. if im spamming your dash with basic unoriginal memes from 15 years ago i legit don't give a fuck. i will not stop yapping about this man.

[theclockistickingwrite]

The fact that I can’t write elaborate essays and reblog fan art about my own dnd game is a crime

[tanjir0se]

Rengiyuu Wednesday Special Feature!

One of my fav scenes from a fluffy first date Rengiyuu fic I'm working on!! (based off of this post and also kind of this post)

Kyojuro meant to ask Giyuu out, panicked, and asked him to dinner to meet Senjuro instead. Now, just before their not-date date, he tries to figure out how to say what it is he really wants to say to Giyuu, with help from a certified Love expert...

Rengoku was preparing for the evening by pacing the gardens with his hands behind his back, rehearsing his lines under his breath. Nothing sounded right. I love you felt too strong, even if it was true. Was it true? I like you was too easily misinterpreted. Hopefully Giyuu already knew he liked him. How could he not like him? He sighed and turned back around the other direction, watching the gravel pass beneath his feet. 

He was so focused he didn’t realize someone had stepped into his pacing path until he’d run headlong into them. Reflexively he shot his hand out and ended up catching his victim, Mitsuri, by the elbow to keep her from falling.

“Ah!” She exclaimed, her face already flushed scarlet. “Kyojuro-Senpai! Forgive me, I must not have been watching where I was going!” 

“No, no! It was me who was not watching where I was going!” Rengoku exclaimed back. “Pardon me!”

She sidled up to him, which he didn’t mind. Her enthusiasm was infectious. “What are you up to today?” She asked brightly. “The cherry blossoms sure are beautiful this afternoon!”

“Yes! They are lovely!” Rengoku agreed loudly, falling into step with her. After a beat of silence, Mitsuri abruptly stopped, holding out her arm to stop Rengoku as well. He held his mouth open stupidly, surprised at her sudden movement. He didn’t have time to question her before she turned to face him with a bright, excited smile and grabbed him by the collar of the haori. 

“You have a date tonight, don’t you?!” She screamed at him, voice raising higher and higher by the moment. He gasped and went red. “You do!” She cried. 

He leaned forward and grabbed her by the wrists, trying to remove her from his haori. “What makes you say that?” He’d lowered his voice and hoped she’d do the same, but her excitement was too great. Also his version of a “lowered voice” was still louder than most people’s speaking volume. 

“Are you kidding?” She giggled. “It’s written all over your face!” Mitsuri gasped and released him, clasping her hands together beneath her chin. “Who is it with?” He opened his mouth and she grabbed him again, interrupting him. “Wait! Don’t tell me! Let me guess…” 

He flushed scarlet and chuckled at himself. Of course Mitsuri would be able to tell immediately what he had planned. It was like she could smell it on him, some disturbance in his aura that betrayed his feelings. She snapped her fingers. 

“It’s Tomioka, isn’t it!” He hunched down and put a finger to his lips to shush her, which only proved her hypothesis and elicited an excited squeal. “I knew it! I knew it! Oh, you have to tell me everything!”

“I assure you there’s nothing to tell!” Rengoku insisted. “Not yet anyway…”

“What are you going to do? Where will you go?” She was practically jumping up and down. “Ah!” She screamed aloud then, making Rengoku flinch. From across the garden he could see that Sanemi and Iguro had paused their training to watch them curiously. “The cherry blossoms are so beautiful, how romantic!” She’d grabbed him by the upper arm, squeezing so tightly Kyojuro had to bite back a surprised and pained yelp. Sometimes Mitsuri didn’t quite realize her own strength. 

“Mitsuri!” 

Steam was practically coming out of her ears. “Aah! It’s like something out of a romance novel! I can hardly stand it!” 

He gently took her by the wrist again and tried to shush her, pulling her along with him to a more secluded area of the gardens. “Listen, I actually could use your help.” She gasped and put both hands on her cheeks, but he continued before she could start screaming again. 

“I meant to tell him that I—well. Tell him how I feel about him.” Her massive braids bobbed up and down as she nodded excitedly. “But instead I just ended up inviting him to dinner to meet my brother. Now I’m not sure how to bring it up again, or what to say.” They came to a small creek and stopped on the wooden bridge, watching cherry blossoms fall into the slow moving water. He leaned against the wooden railing and she put her elbows against it too, sensing his change in mood. His face was flushed and focused. 

“Hmm.” She nodded slowly in apparent agreement. “I can see how that could be difficult.” Mitsuri put a hand against her chin and tapped her rosy lips. “But you have a big advantage.” She grinned then, and Kyojuro turned to look at her. 

“Is that so?”

“Yes!” She grabbed him by the arm again, mercifully gentler this time. “He already likes you!” 

Kyojuro could have fallen off the bridge. “He does? How on Earth can you tell?” 

The Love Hashira gave him a look before giggling again. “A woman has her ways, you know!” Kyojuro laughed with her, nervous and joyous and disbelieving all at once. Mitsuri continued. “Now, what I would do, is think about what you would want him to say to you!”

He hummed and gripped the railing of the bridge. He couldn’t really imagine Giyuu saying anything like what he wanted to say. Perhaps, if he was very lucky, Giyuu might slide a little closer to him, so their shoulders and knees were brushing. Perhaps he would even allow him to take his hand. Kyojuro realized abruptly that he wasn’t breathing, considering the idea that Giyuu might lean ever so slightly forward, allow Kyojuro to take his face in both hands—

Mitsuri elbowed him hard in the ribs and brought him back to reality. He let out a quick, sharp sigh as he remembered himself, and grinned at Mitsuri, who was scarlet red merely from association. “I see you’ve already decided what to say!” She said in delight.  And that was it, Rengoku thought. It wasn’t what he needed to say. Giyuu was never that kind of person anyway. He spoke through silence, in little tilts of his head or a nearly imperceptible upward lift of his brow. Nothing he could say would feel right, this was something he needed to do instead. Now he just needed to do it.

[grady1285]

This somehow only took me five days to finish

This scene is actually important to the plot of my story lmao

[astramachina]

*holds up a finger* boy do i wish that was me tho ngl

[princelancey]

Bios stating "No HaTe In CoMmEnTs" and then the content being "omg I love rpm haha" and slurs towards lance just makes me want to never interact with f 1 online ever again 🫠 my lovely sweet mutuals genuinely keeping me sane and here icl

[blackvahana]

Yeah. Man. I'm just sitting here remembering I've been doing this my entire life. I feel like there was a patch I wasn't, part of the teen years, and that's either I've forgotten because trauma orrrr something else but

No wonder I've never felt anchored on this plane. But it doesn't matter, well, no, it matters a lot, but this life is just constantly isolating in how it works so I will keep the talk of not fitting in here and what being weirdly one got in one foot out has done to talking to myself lmfao but... I remember. I remember being in the garden as a really young child and I'm not a young child. I'm this chimaeric fairy-type thing of swirling and bulging colours like a psychedelic faceted-insect-eye's led trip, four or more wings of different types that are again, so ungrounded, so psychedelic, vivid. Not uncertain. Not half-formed. Fully formed, the starbeing in me just barely contained in the shape of the human-pretending-to-be-a-fae it's pretending to be

I remember so much, actually, and it's. it's just weirdly melancholic....? Maybe not melancholic, but it's so sad and I don't know why. Actually. I mean I've been trying to piece it together for like twenty minutes now but... People get a little irritated at me for being very "you don't understand and no one sees me" but like. I have lived an entire life walkinv streets where no one sees me. It's very complicated, there's. mental health stuff in there because of course I've come across a lot of spirits but I have bad issues seeing people as real but like. Man yeah no I am a snail and one part of me can be physically seen but the other has always been on the other side

[mrs-snape5984]

“Help me out of this hell! Your love lifts me up like helium. Your love lifts me up when I'm down down down…”

“When I've hit the ground, you’re all I need.” (“Helium” by Sia)

This post will be a bit more personal than usual, but I think, I need to pour my heart out over this mesmerising artwork, which my friend @madfantasy made for me. There are things happening in my life, which are frightening me, even though I’m the one, who initiated them.

I’m going through a divorce (yep…the second one. I should get bonus cards for being such an idiot even twice…). This marriage has been broken for so long and I lived in my own room for years, already. I wanted us to be friends…housemates…partners for the sake of our children. I wanted to deal with the situation as mature as possible…and failed miserably. My boundaries were ignored and violently overstepped countless times…always leaving me shattered and panting…struggling to breathe, whenever I found myself in another panic attack.

It’s enough. I can’t do this anymore. I really don’t know, how I will be able to go through the whole process of moving out in my current state of this goddamn disease…and how I could offer my kids the life, they deserve to live. I want to have them with me…and yet I’m getting threatened to lose them. My standards of moral concepts and values never matched with his…and now, he’s the one with the bigger guns (financially and considering the health situation). This is a dangerous situation for me…and I’m scared to death, even though I’m trying to find responsible solutions to make sure, that our children won’t suffer. They’re the most important part of my life…and I’m deeply ashamed of myself for being such a selfish human being, who isn’t capable of enduring this way of life with their father any longer - particularly in the context of my disability and disease.

Over the past few years, especially since I’m suffering from ME/CFS, the feeling of losing myself grew stronger with every passing day. I fell silent…the lights within myself were extinguished and I became an actress in this movie, which I called my life. I played the role of the hardworking woman, who can balance her responsibilities in every aspect of her existence with ease and grace. Family, friends, workplace, household, extra duties in school and kindergarten…everything was “perfectly” balanced on my shoulders, even though I had to deal with some severe diseases, already (and this was even before ME/CFS fucked me hard). These were my days for so many years…and at nights, I couldn’t breathe anymore. Panic attacks, insomnia and OCD had me in their strong grip…choking me whilst I was wandering through the quiet house, checking on my children. This side of myself was my best kept “dirty” secret. Failure was no option for me, so I hid behind my mask at days and suffered through the nights on my own.

Two years ago, ME/CFS put a stopper into my life. I’m not functioning anymore. I lost my value here. The hardworking, overly caring, active woman, I’ve been before, is dead. Killed by pain, overstimulation, disorientation, fatigue, darkness and solitude.

About one year ago, I decided to speak up my mind by showing my longtime love for Severus Snape online for the very first time in my life. I found tumblr and started writing about my deepest feelings, fears and my devotion to this fictional character, which lasts for 21 years, already. Out of the sudden, there were people, who listened to me. People, who talked to me as if I’m still a “normal” human being. People, who became friends with me, even though we’re living thousands of kilometres apart. People, whom I never want to miss again in my life, like my beloved @vulnus-sanare. She showed me, that I’m still alive…that I’m worthy of love. And with this realisation, I found myself again…and this woman is quite okay, despite her sufferings. Magda, my heart, I couldn’t be more grateful that you’ve chosen me to be your friend…the one, you’re sharing your last braincell with. You know, what I’m feeling for you and I can’t wait to see you in person in a few weeks. Thank you for enlightening a spark in my soul, of which I thought, it was gone forever.

Something else happened to me over the past few months. This newfound light in myself seemed to be bright enough to shine across the ocean to New Jersey. I fought hard against these feelings…throwing all my ugly sides at this person in order to scare them away. I’m not loveable and I’m not able to understand this weird concept, called romantic love…at least, that’s what I always thought of myself. In my eyes, “love” has solely been an excuse for hormonal chemistry between people in order to fulfil some kind of biological goal of humanity. For many years, people shook their heads at me for this pragmatic approach to the concept of “love”. I built a cocoon around myself, determined to keep everyone else outside. And now…well, let’s just say, that I’m not convinced by my own sober, level-headed beliefs anymore. My cocoon showed a crack. I lost my heart. Undeniably. Unconditionally.

Who knows, if this love will ever have a future. Only time will tell, but for the moment, I feel home in another person’s heart and this new experience gives me hope and strength to master the upcoming journey of my existence. I’m more than my disability…I’m more than my diseases…I’m more than the actress, I forced myself to be…I’m more than this weak and exhausted mess, I’ve become. I am worthy to be seen and loved…and I’m able to reciprocate this love without hesitation. I feel blessed. Thank you, R. 🖤

Last but not least, I want to thank Mani for this breathtaking piece of art. When I described my idea for this project to you, I was excited to see, what you would do with it. Whenever I try to express something extremely personal with the help of Severus and my OC Jules (okay, I admit, that she’s actually me 😅), I know that you’re the one, who can realise it perfectly. I’m beyond grateful for your kindness and your talent and I’m proud to be seen as your friend, my dear. Feel hugged, Mani! Fly fly! 🫂🫂

🖤Severus & Julia🖤

🖤Sevy & Jules🖤

[creativebrainrot]

'self shipping is cringe 11!!!!!!'

all of mental health care and experiences is the dumbest fuckoff thing in the world, i do not draw the line at imagining Hot Fictional Man giving me a littel kith making me want to kill myself less. my entire life has been 'well i want to see my cat tomorrow' 'i dont want to make my dad sad' 'i want to make friends one day' 'who knows maybe just maybe if i keep going a real guy will appear and do the things fictional man in my head does that i think about' if u have a slightly incorrect brain makeup u just cant feel HappyTM the experience of being in a randomly generated genetic vessel of flesh chemicals and bone is extremely stupid keep living for whatever makes you happy and if that is the thought of fictional character loving you then godspeed my friend

[draco-renn]

Only now do I realize how deeply draining it is to interact with someone with low self-esteem... Like I get it, I've been there, but good god. How do you have such low self-esteem that you cycle back around to being the most obnoxiously self-absorbed person on the planet.