#like I already have a therapist but y’all can start paying for it after this

[whatbusiness]

trying to come to terms with the fact that I will be watching kaz’s backstory. the singularly most traumatizing backstory i’ve come across in any form of media or content (and it’s not even close). with my own eyes. in just three days. and then live the rest of my life with those images in my head.

[lightblueminecraftorchid]

it’s not fair that so much of my memory and cognitive function is tied up in something I cannot control or reasonably prevent

[fanficsunflower]

It's Been Too Long! Jonah Marais x Reader

It’s Been Too Long - Jonah Marais x Reader

Request: None

Summary: Y/N facetimes Jonah while he and the boys are in the studio at Daniel’s. Little do they know, Y/N is on their way to the studio to surprise them!

Warnings: long-distance relationship, massive amounts of fluff, first-person POV, mild cursing

It was about 12p in LA when I rang Jonah’s phone, knowing he would be in Daniel’s studio with the rest of the guys. The plan was to pretend I was on my way to a class and sneak into the studio to surprise them—all of them except Daniel, that is. Since he helped me plan this. I’d been texting him all day, trying not to get caught by the boys. We’d already been caught by Franny, who was quite possibly more excited than Dani was, but I was more excited than the two of them combined. I hadn’t seen Jonah in months due to COVID restrictions closing LAX.

When COVID began, we weren’t too phased by the time apart since we were already long distance; but the longer it dragged on, the harder it got to be apart. It helped that he had more time to call me, but calls weren’t nearly as good as being in his arms.

So when COVID restrictions let up in California, I started quarantining immediately. I only going to classes online, ordering groceries for delivery, and even having a remote appointment with my therapist rather than seeing them in person. And it was all for this moment!

As the LAX train started to move towards baggage claim, I hit the call button under Jonah’s contact.

His bright smile was the first thing I saw when he picked up.

“Hey, baby! Where are you?” He asked, looking around me, confused.

“I’m on the bus, babe,” I said through my Why Don’t We mask he’d sent me, “My car broke down yesterday, and I have a class in person today.”

His smile returned as I ‘explained’.

“Oh, okay, will it be fixed soon?”

“Yeah, I had it towed to the shop, and it’ll be back up and running and a few days. Are you in the studio?”

His smile turned into a grin as he started telling me what they were working on that day. He was always so excited to tell me what went on in the studio that day, and I always loved hearing about it. His beautiful eyes always shimmered when he got excited, and I could listen to him talk for hours. Hell, I had before multiple times.

I was knocked out of my thoughts when the train started to slow down, and I nearly fell from the force. Jonah began laughing, knowing how clumsy I was.

“I swear I need to wrap you in pillows sometimes,” he laughed.

“It’s not that bad,” I said before he gave me a knowing eyebrow raise, “Ok, maybe it is that bad, but not always!”

We laughed again as the doors opened, and I grabbed my backpack, making my way to the luggage claim.

“That looks like an airport, babe. What bus did you take?”

I bit my lip from behind my mask. Lying to Jonah was more challenging than I thought it would be.

“Did I say bus? I took the Metro Link. IDK if y’all have a metro where you are, but it’s basically just the subway I’m headed to get a taxi now,” I replied. He gave me another eyebrow raise before nodding.

“Just be safe, okay?”

“Of course, love,” I smiled at him through my mask, forgetting that he couldn’t see, but he smiled back at me.

“You know me so well,” I giggled as he smiled at me again.

“Yeah, I do. Also, the boys are here if you wanna say ‘hi’?”

“Of course!”

He flipped the camera so I could see the rest of the studio. Jack and Daniel were sat at the computer with Corbyn standing behind them, all three wearing headphones. Zach sat next to where Jonah was seated and waved to the camera.

“Hi Y/N!” Zach shouted, more to get the other boys’ attention than anything else. It worked, and all three turned around, taking off their headphones and waving.

“Hey, Y/N/N!”

“Aye, Y/N!”

“Yoooooo, how are you?”

“I’m good! Just heading to a class right now,” I laughed. Each guy started talking all at once, mainly to each other. I chimed in once in a while, but I was more focused on spotting my suitcase. When I saw it rolling down the conveyer belt, I walked over, grabbed it, and started making my way to the taxis.

“Why do you have a suitcase, Y/N/N,” Corbyn questioned. I groaned internally. How do I explain this one?

“Didn’t you say you had some project due today?” Daniel saved me from answering.

“Yeah, I did. It’s a big project; that’s why I have to go in today.”

Damnit Corbyn…

“Ummm….it’s on uh, the stages of child development.”

“Ooh cool, show us when you’re done? Sounds interesting.”

“Sure, Corbs. Hold on, guys, I gotta get in this taxi.” I set my phone on the seat as I loaded my bags into the car. I could hear the guys talking about something they were working on as Kobe barked in the background. Daniel grabbed the cute pup as I picked up the phone again and got in the car. I had no idea how they hadn’t caught on yet, but I was not questioning their obliviousness.

As the car started its way to Daniel’s house, I listened quietly to the boys as they chattered on about music and when they could play live again. As the conversation turned towards me again, we talked about what we’d do when I could finally come out to LA. I could barely keep my excitement contained as we came up with ideas that ranged from going to the beach to making music together. Eventually, the car pulled up outside Daniel’s house, and I thanked the driver, paying him and gathering my things. Daniel left the room as I got up to the front door, saying he was going to the bathroom. Seconds later, I hung up, telling everyone goodbye right as Daniel opened the door. I took off my mask and gave him a huge hug.

“God, I missed you,” Dani laughed into my hair, “It’s boring here without you.”

“Who else is gonna keep y’all out of trouble, eh?” We laughed as he grabbed my suitcase from behind me.

“Oh, I can get it, Dani.”

“Nah, Y/N/N, gotta show off these guns,” He flexed, and we chuckled quietly so the others wouldn’t hear us.

“You left Kobe in the studio, right?”

“Yeah, otherwise they’d know you were here in seconds.”

“True. Thanks for covering for me earlier, by the way. Great thinking, I dunno what I would’ve said, but it would’ve definitely tipped them off.”

“No problem, I know you suck at lying” Daniel grinned at me, setting down my suitcase in the hall.

When we reached the studio, Daniel went in first so the guys wouldn’t think anything was up. I waited maybe a minute before sneaking into the room. Corbyn and Jonah were sat at the computer with headphones on, so they didn’t notice me come in. Zach and Jack saw me immediately, but I help my finger to my lips, silently telling them not to say anything as I snuck up behind Jonah. I covered his eyes with my left hand, pulling off his headphones with my right.

“Guess who?”

Jonah whipped around, the headphones falling off, and wrapped his arms around my waist tightly. Corbyn turned around, smiling as everyone cheered. When Jonah finally loosened his grip on me and looked up, he had tears welling up in his beautiful eyes.

“I missed you so fucking much, baby,” He whispered, standing up to kiss me. An echoing “Awwww” came from the rest of the room, and Jonah flipped them off, tightening his grip around me. Laughter erupted from all of us as I broke the kiss and waved the rest of the boys over to join in on the hug.

Corbyn took off his headphones, standing to join the hug from behind me as Jack, Zach, and Daniel followed suit, piling on top of Jonah and me. The sweet moment didn’t last, though, because Zach, intending to poke me, poked Corbyn in the side, who yelped in surprise. We all laughed as we pulled back from the hug, and Corbyn attacked Zach, capturing him in a chokehold.

“Not the hair! Not the hair!” Zach jokingly yelled at Corbyn, who eventually let him go after successfully messing up Zach’s hair. As Zach attempted to fix his hair and Daniel sat back down at the computer with Corbyn to play me the song they’d been working on, Jonah led me back to sit on the couch next to Jack, who ruffled my hair.

“We really missed you, Y/N. How long are you gonna be here?” Jack asked. At that, all the boys turned to me, waiting on my answer.

“Well, since I can do all of my classes online, I’m here as long as you’ll have me!”

The boys’ smiles grew, and they cheered again, starting to talk about what we’d do while I was here. I snuggled into Jonah, who had his arm around my shoulder.

“I’m so glad you’re here, baby. I missed you so much,” Jonah said, smiling at me. I grinned back at him.

“Me too, baby, me too.”

A/N- Should I do a steamy part 2?

[everybodyscupoftea]

rockin around the christmas tree

pike jj x reader

you and jj decorate your first apartment together

this is in the future when you and jj are in nashville :)

(warnings: cursing, implied drinking, very very little editing)

At the words, “I’ve never really decorated a tree before,” you knew immediately that you were going to go all out for JJ. You knew his childhood wasn’t great and that he didn’t really experience it in college either with living in the dorm and then the frat house, but you didn’t consider that meant he’d never really done the tree and lights shebang.

Over the month of November you started gathering up random decorations, here and there, that you thought could fit in your apartment without being a nuisance. One afternoon you convinced your mom to drive over from your hometown with some of your favorite ornaments and decorations from childhood.

She loved JJ and was plenty happy to part with them for his sake. You made sure all the bags and boxes were put away in the second bedroom and made a promise with yourself to not tell him until after Thanksgiving.

Then you got slammed with paper after paper and quiz after quiz which led you to truly forget about everything until you went in there to make sure things were all clean for guests and tripped over a box full of lights.

“Ow, fuck!” you yelped, looking down to see what you’d hit, stomach dropping when you saw it all and heard JJ coming to see what was wrong. Before he could quite get to the door, you waved him away, “All good, just stubbed my toe.”

He backed away, hesitantly, toward the kitchen where he’d been cutting the turkey for dinner. Cody and Tyler were coming into town, and you were doubly excited that they were staying the night so that you could rope them into putting up the once forgotten decorations.

Just as you finished pushing everything out of the way and clearing off the bed, there was a knock at the door. JJ called from the kitchen, “Can you grab that, sweetheart, I’m almost done with the turkey?”

“Got it,” you yelled back, practically skipping to throw the door open for your friends you hadn’t seen outside of FaceTime in months. As soon as you threw the door open, Cody, who was closest, was pulling you into a tight hug, face pressed firmly into your hair. He sighed, “Damn, smell the same, kinda nice.”

You snorted, squeezing back, “That was soft.” 

“Forgive me,” he answered sarcastically, “I just missed you is all.”

“Move,” Tyler interrupted before you could respond, elbowing Cody out of the way to hug you. You hugged back just as tight before grabbing both of them by the arms to pull them inside.

“JJ is finishing up the food, so I’ll give you guys a tour real quick and you can drop your stuff in the guest bedroom.”

“Sweet,” Cody nodded, “though I’m not sure how I feel about JJ being in control of the food.”

“Let him have it, I need to tell you guys something.”

They followed you around the whole place and ended in the second bedroom where you shut the door, Tyler smirked, “Getting us alone to pitch a foursome?”

You blinked, not prepared at all, “I-” after a few seconds gathered your thoughts, “no, I just wanted to know if you guys needed to be anywhere early tomorrow or if you could help us decorate for Christmas. JJ never has before, so I thought it could be a fun family activity.”

Before you even finished, Cody, who loved Christmas and decorating for it was nodding eagerly, “Oh fuck yeah. I’m so down. Is that why this room is so messy? Christmas decorations.”

You snorted, “Please, I haven’t forgotten how messy y’all are, I spent so much time in that disaster of a dorm room.”

Tyler waved you off, “We’re much better now.”

“I’m sure,” you answered sarcastically.

“I am, my girlfriend whipped me into shape,” Cody told you, “our apartment looks so dope.”

“Yeah, because your girlfriend has her shit together and a Pinterest board.”

Tyler snorted, “True, you have no eye for interior design.”

Cody rolled his eyes as JJ yelled for everyone to come eat. The four of you sat around the small table you and JJ found on sale with plates heaped full of food. Before anyone could take a bite, you cleared your throat, “Okay, everyone share their lists.”

A tradition the four of you started in college was to share at least three things each person was thankful for before eating whatever you’d managed to put together for dinner, usually takeout because no one was thankful for cafeteria food and the shitty dorm kitchen.

“I’ll go first,” Tyler started, “I’m thankful for the Sixers finally playing well, my girlfriend for getting me a new job, and for you guys having a nice enough apartment to play host.”

“Wait wait wait,” JJ held his hand up, “your girlfriend got you a job?”

Tyler shrugged, “I figure if I play my cards right and don’t fuck anything up, when she finishes law school and has a nice job, I can become a trophy husband. I’ll be supportive as fuck and the  best arm candy on the planet.”

You snorted and said, “Okay, poor Emma first of all. It’s my turn though. I’m thankful for my therapist, she’s really done a lot of heavy lifting this fall, I’m thankful for JJ not burning the building down while cooking, and I’m thankful for you guys driving to see us because my separation anxiety was getting pretty bad and my poor therapist needs a break.”

Cody gave you a thumbs up, “Live to serve. My turn, I’m thankful for Liverpool sucking ass this season, I’m thankful that my girlfriend is good at everything I’m bad at because I’m pretty sure I’d have died by this point, and I’m thankful that you guys live somewhere interesting enough that I want to come visit.”

“Okay, me last,” JJ started, “I’m thankful for you guys being here even though it was kind of an inconvenient trip, I’m thankful for my boss for giving me a holiday bonus, and I’m thankful to finally get to spend a holiday in my own space. A safe space.”

Cody and Tyler, both great with emotion, held out fists for him to bump and then started eating.

-

“Okay,” you clapped your hands, startling JJ awake the next morning, “it’s noon, we’ve slept off most of the hangover, and now we have shit to do.”

“What?” he asked, voice cracking, as he rubbed his eyes.

“It’s Christmas season, we have to decorate.”

JJ groaned, “Shopping? While I feel like this? No.”

“No need to shop, I have it all. Now get up, get dressed, and let’s do this.”

Tyler was already up when you walked out of the bedroom, and he waved, “I ordered breakfast but couldn’t find your coffee pot. Cody is sorting through the decorations, did you have a tree?”

“Yeah, I have one in the closet, we always did a real tree at home, but I figured we should start small and see how it goes.”

“Good plan. I think Cody has a Christmas playlist ready. He’s so excited, could barely sleep.”

He followed you to the kitchen and leaned against the door frame while you made coffee. You chuckled, “Yeah, I know how much he loves Christmas. I’m honestly kind of surprised we never did a group decorating thing like this before.”

“Well,” Tyler crossed his arms, “we did the small trees in the dorm, but JJ didn’t want to buy one for himself so it didn’t really count. And then decorating the frat house was just not worth the effort.”

You passed him a mug and he took a sip while you answered, “JJ never really seemed super interested either. I mean I was going to keep it chill this year too but he brought it up.”

“Cody said you had a whole bunch of homemade stuff.”

“Yeah, my mom brought it to me. I was thinking of making JJ do some of the ornaments to make it even but I’m not sure he’d go for that.”

Tyler snorted, “Man’s a simp, he’d do it for you.”

“Who’s a simp?” Cody asked, walking into the kitchen to take the second mug.

“All three of you,” you told him, grabbing the creamer out of the fridge for him.

He took a sip and shrugged, “Yeah, true. But who are we discussing in particular now?”

“JJ. Whether he’d made homemade ornaments,” Tyler responded.

“He definitely would,” Cody nodded, “I would too. Is that on today’s agenda?”

“It is not. But I mean, if you guys want to make us some in the future and mail them, I’ll gladly hang them on the tree.”

“Deal.”

 “What’s the deal?” JJ asked, finally joining the rest of you.

“Nothing, drink some coffee and we’ll decorate.”

-

After the food arrived and everyone ate, Cody did in fact have a Christmas playlist queued, and he hooked it up to the speaker to blast in the living room. Tyler strung lights around, and JJ told you, “We should just keep these up after Christmas.”

By the time the two of you had struggled to get the tree put together and in a good spot, you added, “Maybe we don’t take the tree down either. We can just decorate it for every holiday.”

Tyler laughed, “Don’t be those guys.”

“We will,” JJ vowed, “we will absolutely be those guys. I just broke a sweat.”

“I will come back for New Years and start a riot if the tree is still up. You laugh like I’m joking, but I will,” Tyler told the two of you.

Cody was barely paying attention, reaching up to put an ornament on the tree when you stopped him, “JJ has to put the first one up.”

JJ gave you a weird look, “What? Why?”

“Bro,” Tyler told you, “lowkey this is a foursome.”

“No, it’s so not.”

“But, it kinda is. We’re taking JJ’s Christmas tree decorating virginity.”

“That’s so-” JJ paused, “okay the logic works a little but I don’t like it.”

“I hate you all,” you groaned, handing JJ an ornament and gently shoving him toward the tree.

“You don’t,” Cody singsonged from his spot across the room.

When everything  was done, Cody turned all the lights off in the room and JJ plugged the tree in. Tyler flipped all the lights he’d put out on and the four of you stood in the doorway to take it all in. 

JJ sighed, “Kinda love it. It’s going to be such a pain to take down, but it feels good.”

“A good family decorating day,” Cody added, “next year we’ll make ornaments.”

You laughed, “Sure.”

Wrapping his arms around your waist from behind, JJ hummed, “Gonna miss our Christmas this year.”

Tyler looked a little teary eyed, “Yeah, we can FaceTime though.”

“Are you crying?” Cody asked incredulously.

“It’s the hangover,” Tyler denied, wiping his eyes.

Cody rolled his eyes, “Sure it is. I’m gonna miss you guys too.”

“Group hug,” you said, holding your arms out. For the first time in a while and the last time for an even longer while, you hugged your boys close. You sniffled, pulling back, “Bring your girlfriends next time. They’re always welcome too.”

They nodded and left after one more hug. JJ and you sat on the couch, soaking in the sudden silence. You leaned into his side and he wrapped an arm around your shoulder, “Movie, sweetheart?”

“Please,” you answered, “Home Alone.”

~

day four of @obxmermaid​‘s holiday challenge: decorating the tree

[darklove9314-blog]

Spoilers!!!

My thought on ACOSF part 1:Novice

So far I’m enjoying the book, I do have my issues with this book of course but no book is ever perfect. I had already pay read the first six chapters so I got to start on chapter 7 immediately. TBH the only thing that somewhat pissed me off was when Cassian’s told Nesta that everyone hated her. (Dumb ass mistake on his part) but I’m glad he apologized for it. So far I’m on the “it’s just sex part of their relationship “ but such things have never bothered me in fiction TBH (I grew up watching soap operas, nothing really fazes me anymore. TBH) I do like how they’re being nicer to each other and slowly opening up. My heart broke when we found out what had truly happened to Cassian’s mother, we got a glimpse of it in ACOFAS, but the truth was so much more gut wrenching. And I did enjoy their first kiss scene (I could do without the teeth licking but everyone has their niche and I’m not one to judge. ) Now let’s get into characters so far!

I adore Gwyn and Emerie so far, Gwyn is great, we only see Emerie for one scene in this part, but she is so caring that I can’t help but love her right away! And was no one going to tell me about the house of wind being an actual character! Like I love this MF house. Idk why more people wouldn’t want to stay there was this house is so attentive and caring. It also helped Nesta through a lot! And I also like her relationship with Clotho, I’m shocked more people don’t talk about it.

The IC isn’t annoying me as much anymore, but I still didn’t like what they did to Nesta. Like I know none of them are therapist, but you don’t need to one to know that’s not how you handle one. Also Feyre’s pregnancy didn’t come as a shock to me. It was heavily foreshadowed last book and I had already gotten spoiled for it. I will admit I did like Nesta and Feyre’s interaction after Feyre told her it was a boy. Their relationship won’t be fixed overnight and having my own estranged relationship with my sister I get how hard it could be to get along. My niece was something that brought me and my sister closer. So even if it was a little annoying at first, I get why the direction was taken.

I think what hurt me the most was Nesta and Elain’s fight. They BOTH said hurtful things to each other. Andiknewit was coming as soon as Elain decided to come without warning and mentioned their father. Their father is a huge trigger to Nesta as well as the whole “we sent you here for your own good” speech. I hate seeing the archerons fight but it goes to show you that none of them are perfect. It happens with dysfunctional families. But I think it’s a little unfair to use the “you made my trauma about you” thing with Nesta. But they both said unfair things to each other. I am glad however that Nesta wasn’t all smiley and happy with Elain. She felt betrayed by her she needs more than two freaking weeks to recover from that. Nesta is going through a lot and I’m glad that she’s not 100 percent after three weeks. Healing is slow and sometimes people relapse into bad habits. It happens. I do like how Feyre pointed out that Elain shouldn’t have just blamed Nesta and should have blamed her too and said how it wasn’t fair to Nesta. I can appreciate that and I look forward to the rest of the healing journey for these two. But I’ll update y’all later with my part 2 reaction

[calypsoff]

Fifty.

All Robyn does is have her friends here, so I came into the bedroom to get some peace because first Mel comes, Tina I understand because that is her assistant and she needs to be around but then Jen comes, and then Yusuf is here, the other Mel guy and now she’s telling me Noella is coming for what and mind you these niggas are staying in this apartment which has three bedrooms, it’s just too much. Why do these people need to be here, for what. They aren’t being productive, they are here just to have fun and talk shit, like I can’t even sit in peace without someone saying something trying to be funny, I am trying so hard not to be miserable, I am really trying but when Robyn said Noella is coming too that annoyed me, where are these people staying. Why are we not getting any privacy, why does these people need to be here, and I am being very miserable but it’s just annoying, we just got married why “fuck” I said to myself, I know what Robyn will be like she will say I am being negative, and they are here for something, I am sorry, but I shouldn’t be climbing over people that are here being bums, there are doing nothing productive. I need to just shake it off, I have too. Unlocking my phone and seeing the home I want to get for my family, I always wanted to get a home for them, and this is the moment I can, I am not doing anything until I can do this for my family, the home they live in is not it, it’s ok me living here when they live in that small ass home in VA, I will be moving them and it’s a nice place in VA, they will love it. When the money hits the account I will be getting this for them, it’s six bedrooms too, if I live good so will my family. They can also move away from my nosey ass family members; they can fuck off.

Walking out of the bedroom, I ended up having a nap because I just didn’t want to sit with her friends, I just really can’t be bothered. My therapist is on holiday, who told that man he could go away on holiday, what if I really needed him but it’s all good, I can last “I thought you left the house Chris” Yusuf said, shaking my head walking around the couch, this apartment is small as hell already but who am I “this nigga just sleeps and comes out of the bedroom, and then goes back into the bedroom” opening the fridge door “and all y’all do is the eat the damn food in the place” closing the fridge door “what am I going to eat?” staring at Robyn “order something in” she half laughed because her little crew is laughing, I don’t know what is happening “I want you to cook me something” I am being dead ass too, I am being awkward of course but I am being dead ass “you just said there is no food in the house, what do you want me to make? Pour you the cereal” this is why I go gym; this shit I can’t deal with “what is the point in getting married huh” I was going to hit the cup off the counter, but I didn’t “I am going gym” I need too, I want some peace and I can’t get it here. I know Robyn is used to having her friends around but still, this is stupid “I will be back” hearing Robyn say, not like I want to speak to her so she can leave me alone. Closing the bedroom door, I was going to slam it close but I didn’t, I am learning.

Taking my top off and throwing it to the corner of the bedroom, I just find it annoying that they are here. I need some space right now and I ain’t getting it, opening the closet “what is wrong with you now?” Robyn said, I knew she would come “nothing, I am going to gym. I will leave you to your friends” grabbing the tee from the side “you also threw your top when I told you I hate when you throw your clothes on the floor, I did tell you that but yet you did it, what is wrong with you Chris” putting my tee on “well it’s on the floor” closing the closet doors “I am not going to let you leave until you talk to me Chris, this is ridiculous, why the hell are you being this way? You’re being so grumpy for what? I am trying with you” placing my hands on my side staring at her “why is your friends here? You said to me yeah that I should go to see a therapist yeah and then you got all your friends here making noise, we are married. I am here with you; I have nobody, and you have all your people here. For the past two days, I have had nowhere to sit, no space or anything. You tell me why they are here?” I didn’t raise my voice, I am trying to be calm “because after we check the homes we are leaving to London, so they stay here, this is what they always do, they like you Chris. They do get you involved do they not?” I sighed out, of course she was going to say this.

I can’t really be bothered with this conversation anymore but I need too because it’s just going to build up “I just feel annoyed ok, there is not enough space for your friends, I don’t want to say no because then I look selfish but I am sick of suffering and having to suffer just so your friends can have a laugh, and also I found a home for my family to live in that I am going to buy” Robyn tilted her head “are you telling me or asking me? I think you’re telling me aren’t you?” she frowned “asking” I mumbled “it’s not what you said it’s how you said it Chris, right. I will sort it out and they will be out, but I need you to not have a attitude with me about it because you don’t want to mention something you could have said to me ages ago, you know this. Why are you trying to create an argument? Tell me? What is the reason. So let’s rewind this Chris, you should have told me this from the jump. Right when I said they are coming to stay over, you should have said Robyn I accept Mel but the rest no, the place is small and right now I need my space. The issue with you is that you don’t speak, you don’t tell me until you want to burst about it. I get it and I will sort that out, see how easy that is but now you are making decisions about a whole house you want to buy for your family is wrong, we are married Chris. It’s a joint account, we do shit together. Things like that I expect you to tell me before you jump, we speak on things not do things and then you tell me what you are going to do. I have always said to you that your mouth will get you in trouble, it’s always so loose and for what? We could have spoken on it, it’s that’s easy Chris. I know how much you want to buy a home for your family, and you think I’m going to say no? Is that what it is? I am happy you want to do that for your family, it’s the sweetest but it’s the way you say it to me. You’re married Chris, we do shit together, and I want you to speak to me. I know you’re feeling a type of way about things, but you need to speak to me, my friends are joking with you. I get it the apartment is small, and don’t worry I will sort it” Robyn walked off in a huff, she is angry with me.

I dislike Robyn being mad with me, so I won’t be going anywhere that is for sure, now I need to face the music and go outside and face her friends for my own stupidity. Making my way out of the bedroom, she is right because I do adore her friends. They are good people but it’s just I need the space; I think it was just so quick that it all happened. I did wait for like a good ten minutes before I left the bedroom, Robyn is laughing loud as hell, I don’t know why “erm, Robyn. Can I speak to you?” I asked, Robyn knew. The look on her face showed me she knew I was coming “yep” Yusuf side eyed me “you in the bad books again Christopher” shaking my head smiling, turning away from them to walk back into the bedroom. Robyn could have actually told me to fuck off, my mouth is stupid, and I can never help myself with that. Rubbing the back of my head turning to Robyn “I am sorry, I was very irritated, I tried to deal with it without having to throw your friends out, I really wanted to just deal with it but I can’t, I am sorry. And the way I spoke to you, it’s wrong, it’s your money as much it is mine and just doing that is no good” Robyn closed the door “I am not saying no, I am saying you have to speak to me. If I checked and that was missing and you just did it behind my back, how wrong is that, it’s unfair. If we start doing that then our marriage is not going to work, we are married now Chris, it works both ways” I nodded my head “I am sorry” I apologised again “and they know, I said it’s a bit too much. I am married now and when I get the home, it will be better. Ok?” nodding my head walking over to Robyn, she hugged me straight away “I really wish you just speak to me on things Chris” I am dumb with this shit.

We are finally going to see two houses Matt has found, I am so excited, but I am annoyed with Chris. I mean I am ok with him but the way he speaks can be so mean, he knows how to be an asshole sometimes and that never goes away from him, no therapy will help that “you did tell him no downstairs bedroom yeah?” Chris asked “you know I did, you were there with me when I said. Show me, the home you have seen for your family, it is in VA?” I asked, I thought I need to ask what he has seen. I am super proud of him that this is the first thing he wants to do for his family but just the way he said it, like if I just let it slide he will continue to do it “yeah, I will show you” he got super excited about it too, I am happy for him because it’s a big milestone in your life to do that for your family “how much is it? The home in that area isn’t that expensive is it really? I mean the amount we will pay in Cali will be crazy high” I said “it will be, but this home is about eight hundred thousand, but just look at it, for that price, six bedrooms” grabbing his phone from him “oh it’s already nice, this look like some presidential type thing, this is nice Chris” sliding across the pictures “oh yes, look at that entrance, wow. The chandelier too. This is beautiful, I like the way you walk in and the stairs are just there, it’s beautiful. Also I think it’s best for your parents to be somewhere better, with everything that will probably happen, they may get harassed because of you” passing his phone back “yeah, so is it ok if I do go ahead with it? Will you be here when we do it? Please” nodding my head “for you I will, I may have to fly back. I will be in London, but I will ok?” Chris smiled “thank you, so how long you planning to be in London for? It seems like a while, I am worried now” I cringed a little “well uhm, Chris it’s going to be a lot of meetings and stuff, maybe a month? I am saying that but could be, but this will give you chance to sort yourself out with things, meaning your business ok?” Chris nodded his head; I want him to sort himself out.

Chris saw it from his very own eyes that we entered a private estate, he saw the security guards. I wanted him to see that “these homes look crazy around here” seeing Matt stood outside his Rolls Royce, he must have been waiting for a while here. Rich got out of the car “is this the home here?” Chris pointed “I think so” Rich opened my car, sliding out of the car “Rihanna! My love, we meet again” he got his arms out to me “yes we do, we meet too many times now, I shouldn’t even use you after the last one” I pointed at him but then hugged him “and I feel awful that happened, I did all the leg work to sell that, and I promise to make this extra special” moving back from the hug “and this is your husband, hi Chris” Matt held his hand out to Chris “hi, nice to meet you” they shook hands “so it’s weird but it seems like everyone is out to look for homes, I have struggled. I won’t lie to you both, I have been struggling to get something perfect for you both as a family, but then this came up here and another in Beverly Hills again, both gated” he has bad news, I have a feeling “the thing we have with this, it’s eight bedrooms but has 2 acres of ground itself surrounding the home so you will get plenty of privacy” eight bedrooms, Chris will dislike that alone.

Side eyeing Matt “you didn’t need to make us walk up the drive” it’s really big “imagine the cars Chris. You will have so much space huh?” looking up at him, I am trying to sell it to him because for the privacy alone this is nice “well I wanted you to get a feel for how much space there is here, you could even build? I mean you wouldn’t need too but come in” it has a beautiful set of double doors here, I like it. Letting Chris’ hand go as I stepped into the house “as you enter, it’s all marble and it leads straight into the hallway and into the first living room” looking down the hallway, it’s nice already “greenery, you have plenty of it. Pool/spa, entertainment system which has a bowling alley, snooker, bar. Fountain which you walked by, sauna, gym, wine cellar. Also a guest house, I know Robyn has a lot of friends she likes to have over, that alone has three bedrooms. Come in, explore” I know Chris, he isn’t going to like it because it’s too big, but he will have space but also I don’t want to move again but I will listen to him if he dislikes it, I have too.

The only thing he got happy about was the basketball court outside, he looked so giddy about it. What is he like, only Chris would be happy about this “so, tell me” Chris chewed on his bottom lip with his hands stuffed in his pockets “it’s too big, even with your family and friends being here there is too much space. And when we’re alone it’s just too much, pointless in a way. I am not like that at all, just not me” Chris shook his head “the home is nice, really is but for us no. I don’t feel like it’s homie either, it’s like when you’re young and dumb and you buy it for your friends to just chill in. I would be uncomfortable to be alone” tilting my head to the side “Chris you know I will be away for a while; you will be alone. I think you should invite your friends here or you go Houston. I don’t know or think you are ready to be alone in any home we get Chris” I don’t think he is “I ain’t going to be a little bitch about things, but I don’t like this house, so it is what it is” he shrugged “I am not judging you Chris, I am just thinking of you so please don’t take it to heart” he is getting so uptight now “well I can handle myself” nodding my head “yeah you can” let him get on with it, I can’t be bothered to even argue with him about it.

This is the second home on the other side of Beverly Hills which is gated “least this doesn’t have a huge drive” the gate opened and the SUV drove in “this looks more suitable” some positivity, Rich opened the door for me “good to hear for once” getting out of the car “now this is six bedrooms both of you, close enough to five!” Matt said, walking around the SUV “well Chris said it was suitable actually” Matt clasped his hands together “please, before I take you both anywhere you need to see the back yard of this house” Matt is too excited, he is really making us walk through the house and not see it through “just come” Chris held my hand, the double doors here are again gorgeous “but I want to see the home Matt” he jogged out the double doors and to the back yard “this is a feature Rihanna and Chris, just look!” he spat, making out way out to the back yard “impressive 2-story wall of glass and serpentine staircase going up, just look how beautiful. And at night it lights the yard, the chandelier alone costs a lot” my eyes widened “this looks amazing, you’re right. Chris” looking up at him “I have a good feeling about this home, it’s just not doing the most but yet it is, you know what I mean?” nodding my head “so throughout the home it has dark custom wood floors throughout which gives depth to every room against the light white walls and high ceilings. If you noticed?” Matt said “I did, I liked it” Chris actually likes something “formal dining room complete with dramatic wall-of-wine, private office, freshly remodelled chef's kitchen completes with a glass framed breakfast nook looking out upon the outdoor grounds. A master suite with newly renovated bathroom, dry sauna, large his/hers walk in closets I know Robyn will love that. Basement level with 2 bedrooms, movie theatre, and temperature controlled wine room. Privatized outdoor oasis encompassed by pool, jacuzzi, outdoor dining/entertaining space, pizza oven, full bar, outdoor bathroom, and putting green” he breathed out “I think I do like the sound of it already, it’s just something I know I will be comfortable to stay here. Just the way we came in, everything. Yeah, this is beautiful. How much?” we haven’t even looked and he’s asking that “well it’s right now the price is thirteen million, I have knocked off nine hundred thousand because of what happened prior but thirteen million to you” Chris’ eyes widened “damn, that is expensive” I chuckled, my husband.

[buckysrighthanddoll]

Gluttony

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader (college AU)

Warnings: drinking, fluff, a teensy bit of angst (y’all know it’s me lol), swearing

A.N.: This is part two of my Seven Deadly Sins series!!! Read part one here called “Envy” with Bucky Barnes :)

You were never the drinking type. Throughout high school, you maybe had three drinks. It wasn’t that you were consumed with your bookwork or couldn’t sneak out to parties. You had plenty of opportunities.

It was now the third year of college. You were well on your way to your degree, you had an established friend group, and you had a decent enough social life. But when MJ invited you to a party this Friday, you found yourself feeling nervous.

There were a few parties in college that you attended. Every time you got uncomfortable and left early. Every time you stood in the corner with one or two of your friends from class. Every time you were home by midnight.

This time was different.

“MJ, you know--”

“That you’re a lame-ass who won’t hang out with some friends?” MJ interjected. “Come on, (Y/N), it’s just us. Even Ned is gonna be there.” Before you could even respond, she spoke again. “Peter said he’d be there.”

That caught your attention. You contemplated the decision in your head--the party was this Friday, which gave you today to prepare; however, you had a test at 10:00 am on Saturday.

“Fine. You said it was at your apartment, right?”

“Yes. Be there at 10 to help me set up,” MJ smiled, pivoting on her feet and heading to her next class. You sighed and gave a half-smile at her.

MJ knew damn well that you had a thing for Peter. And, beyond that, she insisted that he liked you, too. It was a load of bullshit, but she wouldn’t change her mind.

Finishing your classes for the day was easy. Today was Thursday, which meant you had Art appreciation, Spanish 312, and organic chemistry. That night, you set up your studying supplies and got to work.

Within an hour, you lost focus. You kept worrying about that damn party, but you logically knew that you didn’t need to. It was a few friends. Peter, Ned, MJ, and her boyfriend Mark were the only people that were supposed to be there. They were all people that you knew and trusted. As long as you didn’t drink, you’d be fine.

“Hey (Y/N/N),” Peter said, making you jump. He laughs, which immediately eases your anxieties. “Didn’t mean to scare you.”

“I left my door unlocked again, didn’t I?” You asked, standing from your desk. He nods his head and sits on the chair by the kitchen counter. “You want something to drink?”

“Water, please,” He responds. He was always so polite, even though you’d known him since sophomore year of high school. The two of you knew everything about each other. He knew about your past traumas and experiences; you knew that he was Spider-Man.

Ya know, the usual.

You got the glass of water and threw a couple of personal pan pizzas in the oven. “I thought you were gonna study for the test on Saturday.”

“I got bored,” Peter shrugs. You sit next to him and rest your arm on the counter. “Figured I’d come to see my favorite girl,” He smiles. He gives one of those small smirks that he (recently) found to drive girls mad, but you simply raise your eyebrow.

“She’s probably in my room.”

At the perfect moment, a fuzzy black cat prances into the kitchen. Her name was Razzle, Razz for short, and she was the cutest damn cat to grace your existence. Peter adored her. There were times when you’d come home from class and see him playing with her on the floor. There were times when Peter would stay the night, and you’d wake up to see a fuzzy black ball on his chest. The scene was so cute that you took a picture (which may or may not be your lock screen, shh).

Razz jumps into Peter’s lap and immediately starts purring. His smile gets even bigger, and he scratches under the cat’s chin (the sight alone makes your heart soar).

“You wanna watch a movie?” Peter asks.

The oven dings, making you stand up to get the pizza. “As long as we can go over the vocab for the test afterward.” Peter groans, but you know that it’s sarcastic. “Deal.”

Peter goes to the living room area and turns on a random movie. You place the pizzas on paper plates and carry them out to where he’s sitting on the couch, his feet propped up onto the table. At least he had his socks on.

Thirty minutes into the movie, you weren’t paying attention anymore. All you could focus on was the way the screen lit Peter’s face; the way his eyes followed every action; the way his body jerked during a fight scene; the way his lips looked so soft and kissable and--

“Is there something on my face?” Peter asked. You snapped your gaze to the empty plate ahead of you. That’s one thing that you loved about Peter--besides his improved spidey-senses, he (sort of) grew out of his awkwardness.

“No, uh, I got lost in thought,” You lied. You grabbed his empty plate and took it to the kitchen to throw in the garbage. Taking a second to collect yourself, you went back to the couch. You scoffed at Peter, who was under a blanket and taking all three spots. “You’re such a dipshit.”

“But I’m your dipshit,” Peter retorted. You rolled your eyes as he sat up, allowing you to sit where his head just was. You plopped yourself down, and Peter rested his head on your lap, lying on his side to still face the TV.

Peter fell asleep twenty minutes later. Your hand was in his hair, softly playing with his curls, and soon enough, the soft snores ensued.

You stayed there for several moments after the movie ended. It was easy to bypass the credits rolling on the screen, especially when Peter was right there. Head in your lap. An arm draped across your thighs. You could see yourself doing this every weekend with him--waking him up, getting to the bedroom, holding each other until the early morning.

It was stupid how much you loved him. He was your best friend throughout high school and college. He was with you through every smile and tear. It was just impossible for you not to harbor anything more than a friendship.

Once the title screen popped back on, you shook Peter awake. He hums groggily and opens his eyes. As he realizes that he fell asleep on your lap, he goes red in the face and sits up.

“I didn’t realize I was even tired,” He says, letting out a breathy laugh. “I’m sorry. I, uh, I gotta get home, though. We have an 8 am tomorrow.” Peter gets up from the couch and makes his way toward the door.

“Yeah, yeah,” You said, standing up and following him. “Goodnight. Be safe, love you,” You added, hugging him.

“‘Night (Y/N/N), love you, too,” Peter responded. He left, and you took that as your cue to get to sleep.

Your classes breezed by the next day. You and Peter’s 8 am class was spent reviewing material for tomorrow’s test, and your ten am consisted of you being a TA for your Spanish professor. She just had you look through papers while she taught about the subjunctive tense.

At your apartment, you texted MJ to ask what you should wear. She arrived twenty minutes later and immediately began searching through your closet. She explained that it was still casual since it was just a few friends, but your usual plain t-shirts and jeans weren’t going to cut it.

MJ picked a tight-fitting shirt with a v-neck. She said that it made you look insanely attractive, especially when paired with the (extremely short) denim shorts that you hardly ever wore.

You decided just to straighten your hair and do basic makeup. It consisted of only eyebrows, eyeliner, and mascara; it was a bit more than your daily makeup, but if you were going to a party, you didn’t want to mess it up.

After getting dinner, you and MJ went to her apartment and began setting up. There was a beer pong table, food set out on another table, and all of the alcohol she could afford on a third table. You put a playlist on her TV screen and then put the remote behind it. It was all said and done within an hour.

You turned on the strip lights right as Mark got there. He greeted his girlfriend with a short kiss, and then he came and hugged you. Mark was a sweet guy; he treated MJ right, and he was great at communication, plus he made an effort to be friends with her friends.

Ned showed up half an hour later, and Peter was right behind him. You already had three shots, but they hadn’t kicked in yet; it was probably for the best because all you could think when you saw him was damn.

He wore a dark grey v-neck shirt and dark denim jeans. He looked like he had just gotten out of the shower shortly before leaving, as his hair was still slightly damp. MJ had to hip check you to pull your attention back to the conversation.

“You need to tell him eventually,” She starts. “I mean, he totally has it bad for you, too.”

“Bullshit,” You sang. “He’s my best friend, besides you. That’s it.” You looked at the table and picked up the peppermint schnapps. “Another shot?”

“Using liquor as a negative coping mechanism. Same,” MJ nodded, smiling as she grabbed the shot glasses. “Competitive?”

“Bet,” You answered, pulling out a five from your pocket. She threw down an additional five and called Mark over to call it so that it wasn’t biased.

You both set the shot glasses on the counter and got ready. Mark slapped the table, and you and MJ threw the glasses back and slammed them back down. You won by a fraction of a second, making you throw your arms up.

“Didn’t think you were a drinker, (Y/L/N),” MJ laughed.

“I’m not,” You smirked. You grabbed the money and put it in your pocket, lining up another shot and downing that one too. “But distractions are distractions.”

“You really need a therapist,” Ned laughed.

Within an hour, you were blasted. Although you’d been slightly tipsy before, you’d never been full-on drunk before. MJ was right there with you, Mark was somewhat behind, and Ned was tipsy. Peter, who had slowly been sipping on his drink, was hardly beyond sober.

The five of you were playing Cards Against Humanity in the living room. MJ had the lead, but that didn’t shock anybody; she was declared the friend group’s funniest. You were near behind, though, which was shocking only because you’d thought Ned should be in your position.

It wasn’t like it mattered to you. All that mattered was that you and Peter sat next to each other, thighs pressed to one another, and his arm was resting on the couch cushions behind your head. If you thought that dealing with your emotions was hard when you were sober, then you were in a world of trouble when it came to you being drunk (and him being this close).

Gluttony was not your usual sin. Indulging in vices like drinking wasn’t typical of you. On any other day, you’d throw yourself into your studies, or maybe you’d be planning your study abroad that was coming up. But drinking? That was out of the ordinary.

Tonight was different. You wanted to let loose--to forget about your emotions. But that wasn’t happening, now was it?

After your game was up, you partied some more. You expected to forget about your emotions; instead, you found yourself forgetting how to care about preserving them. A few shots here, some dancing there, and you were more carefree than you had been in years.

Around three in the morning, you were tired. More than that, you had to be up at eight to get ready for your test at ten. You found yourself stumbling to get your things together so you could walk home, but Mark was trying to stop you.

“(Y/N), it’s past midnight in a college city, and you’re as drunk as a skunk. Just stay here,” Mark tried. MJ was right behind him and insisting that you at least call a taxi or an Uber.

“I’ll be fine,” You assured, nearly falling over as you slipped your shoes on. Peter, thankfully, catches and steadies you. He keeps an arm around your waist, which makes your already reddened face burn even hotter.

“I’ll take her home. I’m sober,” Peter says, looking at MJ. “Besides, we both have a test in seven hours--I need the sleep.”

“Drive safe, man,” Mark says, pulling Peter in for a hug. Peter gives MJ and Ned a hug, and then he’s by your side, leading you to his car.

It was a short and silent drive. Thank gods. You weren’t in any state to be talking to someone who you’ve harbored romantic feelings for.

Peter took you inside your apartment. The moment the door shut behind him, he locked it and got to your bedroom. He picked out some sleep shorts and an old shirt for you to sleep in, and he left you to change while he grabbed some water for you.

You sat in bed as he walked back into the room, setting the glass on your nightstand.

“You’re too nice,” You whined. “Aren’t guys supposed to be assholes or something?”

“I’m the friendly neighborhood Spider-Man--I’m not quite like most guys.” Peter smiles and lifts the covers, letting you get under them. Once you’re laid back, you take a sip of your water, and he closes the windows and curtains. He comes back to pull the blankets over your chest. Then, he starts to leave.

“Peter, can you stay the night here?” You asked. He turns to you and gives one of the softest smiles you’d ever seen (maybe it was just the rose-tinted glasses, or perhaps it was the staggering amount of alcohol in your blood). Nodding his head, he gets in on the other side of the bed.

Peter had stayed the night here plenty of times, but he always slept on the pull-out couch in the living room. He never once stayed in your bed with you also in it. You figured it was either out of concern for boundaries or respect.

The truth was, Peter was also head-over-heels for you. He’d told MJ, not that he needed to--MJ was good at reading people, and he certainly wasn’t subtle about his attraction for you.

You were the first person he came to when he became Spider-Man. You were his reason to fight after he got dusted (along with you). You were his favorite person to see after a mission--you’d been at the tower anytime Tony Stark told you that Peter was coming home. You were always there for him. You were it. You were the one that Peter wanted to be with, even if it didn’t work out in the long run.

Once Peter settled into the sheets, you rolled over and cuddled into him. Your head rested on his chest, an arm around his torso, and a leg tangled with his own. Both of you heaved a sigh of relief; this felt good. This felt right.

“Peter?” You asked.

“Yeah?” He responded.

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

“No, like, I love you,” You confessed, looking up at him through heavy eyelids. “Like, I wanna kiss you and cuddle you like this and hold your hand. I wanna tell people that I’m your girlfriend, and you’re my boyfriend.”

“Baby, you’re drunk.”

“I’ve been hiding this for years, Peter,” You insisted. “It isn’t because I’m drunk. The only thing this liquor is doing is helping me say what I want to say without worrying.”

“If I’m honest, (Y/N), I love you, too. In that same way. But you’re not even going to remember this in the morning.”

“Will you remind me?”

“Yes.”

“Can I kiss you?”

“Not when you’re drunk.”

“Damn,” You sighed. “Did you set an alarm for the morning?”

“I already have one set,” Peter assured you. “Let’s get to sleep.”

“And Peter?” You called. “Thank you for taking care of me.” He hummed in response.

The next morning, you were shocked that you only had a small headache. You were even more surprised that you woke up next to Peter.

Last night was fuzzy for you. Bits and pieces were clear as day, like winning thirty bucks from MJ. But what happened? Was Peter as drunk as you were? Did you say something stupid? Why was he in your bed right now?

No matter the reason, you found yourself not wanting to leave this spot. You were the closest you’d been to Peter.

The alarm on Peter’s phone rang, making you jump. Then, you grabbed your aching head. Peter awoke with a start before looking down at you. He shut the ringtone off, and then he wrapped his arms tighter around you. His hand ran up and down your arm, which made you feel happy and warm, but why the hell was he holding you like this?

“Good morning,” Peter said groggily. His morning voice was hands-down, the most beautiful thing ever.

“‘Morning,” You responded.

“Want me to put some coffee on for that hangover?” He asked.

“I’m not that hungover, actually,” You answered. “I can go make some.”

Peter nodded his head, so you got up. Three scoops into the filter, some hot water, and a few minutes later, you both had cups of bitter coffee to wake you up. You both started to get ready for the day by brushing your teeth and putting on some new clothes (Peter had to find some clothes that he’d left here last month).

It was going to be a casual and laid-back day; that much was certain. Your body was aching, and your head only started to worsen even after taking some ibuprofen. There were still thirty minutes before you needed to leave for the campus, so you and Peter sat on the couch.

“Did I say anything stupid last night?” You asked, holding onto your mug.

“Only that you loved me and wanted to kiss me,” He smirked.

You groaned and threw your head back. “I’m sorry,” You started, looking him in the eye. “I shouldn’t have said that while I was drunk.”

“Did you not mean it?”

“Of course I meant it,” You said, laughing drily. “Peter, in the seven years we’ve known each other, I’ve felt like this for six of them. I just shouldn’t have told you while I was drunk.”

“Last night, I said that I loved you, too,” Peter said. “And then you asked if you could kiss me, but I wasn’t going to let you do anything in that state.”

“Oh,” You muttered, looking down in embarrassment and setting down your coffee. Peter’s lifted your chin and then cupped your face before leaning in and kissing you. The initial shock wore off quickly, and then you were kissing him back. It was soft and sweet--precisely what you’d have expected your first kiss with him to be like.

When Peter pulled away, he rested his forehead against yours. “You wanted me to remind you when you were sober. Was that okay?”

“More than,” You smiled. You closed the distance again, tangling your hands in his hair. Peter smiles against you.

After the test, Peter took you on your first official date as a couple. He held your hand and bought you a coffee, and you carried a conversation like everything was natural. Like everything was right.

(And, for the record, you passed that exam despite the light hangover).

[desiraypark]

The Weight (Pt. I)

Clyde x Sherri (Non-Linear Series) This entry is in response to @aloneandsleepless​‘ prompt request! The message reads: Hey Desi darling! Can we have a little drama with Clyde and Sherri? Requesting "being physically/emotionally vulnerable" from the Non Sexual Forms of Intimacy list! You're so incredibly creative, I'm sure you'll come up with something amazing! ❤️ First of all, thank you *cries*. Second, I hope this meets your expectations! :) Content: Angsty? | Sadness/depression (denial of depression); impostor’s syndrome; ageism (imposed on self because it’s imposed by society, tbh lol); couple’s spat; spouse approaching the other but the appropriateness and effectiveness of the method might be debatable.  A lil’ bit o’sap. Word Count: 2,402

“The llllittle...boy licks to...likes to b...ah...ck...” “Vroom, vroom...!” Sherri looked away from her pan and glanced in the dining room at the children. Chris’ face was inches away from their homework, and Sid had turned the dining table into a freeway for their toy car. 

“What are your ‘a’ sounds?” Sherri asked.  “Ah, ah...” Chris said.  “And the other one?”  “Ay...” “Did you try the other sound?”  Chris looked back down at the worksheet. “B-ay-kuh...bake...” Sherri looked back at the pan. “Good job. Start it from the beginning.” “The little boy likes to bake...” “Vroooooooooom...” “...he licks...likes...” “Sid?” Sherri called. “Yes?” “Can you play quietly so Chris can concentrate?” “Yes, Mommy. Sorry.” “It’s alright. Thank you.” Sid turned the vocal engine off and drove the car in silence. Suddenly, there was a rumble at the front door. The lock turned and the kids hopped up from the table and ran through the living room. 

“Daddy!” they shouted.

Clyde opened the door and scooped both of the little ones up in his arms. “Arrrgh!” he growled, holding them up.  “What’s goin’ on?” he asked. He planted kisses on both of their foreheads and put them back down.  “Ms. Daniels gave us homework today!” Chris exclaimed. “Oh yeah?” “Long sentences!”  “Well, alright, my lil’ Einstein,” Clyde said.  The trio made their way into the dining room, but the kids sat back at the table. Clyde walked straight for the kitchen and Sherri gave him her cheek to kiss. “Mmm...” he hummed. “Those lips taste as good?” Sherri smirked and faced Clyde so he could give her a peck on the lips. Then another. And another. “Eww!!!” the children said. “Eww?!” Clyde mocked them. “What y’all mean eww?” Sherri and the kids laughed. Then, Clyde rested his hands on Sherri’s protruding belly. He gave it a rub. “Now what you got to say about it, Littlest One?” “It said, please don’t keep mommy up tonight...” Sherri mumbled.  “Well, I can’t make no promises on that...” Clyde whispered in her ear, before giving the lobe a nibble.  “Leave my kitchen, Clyde,” Sherri said giggling. Clyde gave her butt a tap and walked into the dining room. “What’s this homework about?” he asked, sitting beside Chris.  “Different stuff,” the oldest responded. Clyde adjusted his glasses by the hinge and looked over the homework--a sheet full of short sentences. 

“You or Mommy are supposed to draw lines under the stuff I said wrong,” Chris added. “Is that so?” Clyde read the instructions and realized that either he or Sherri had to underline any words Chris had gotten wrong, or didn’t self-correct. So far, only the word “fluffy” had a line under it. Clyde smiled at the sight. “Underline bake, Baby.” Sherri said. Clyde searched the table and noticed the red ink pen resting against the table’s centerpiece. He underlined “bake”.  “Hey, Babygirl...?” Clyde called over his shoulder. “Mm-hmm?” Sherri responded. “A man came into the restaurant this afternoon. He started a non-profit education center. Supposed to help kids with all kinds of needs. I uh...I got his card for you.” Sherri froze for a second, then kept cooking. “For what?” “He’s lookin’ for people to join his team. It’s very new. He wants people from different backgrounds helpin’ him out...”  Sherri didn’t say anything. She turned off the stove and reached into the cupboard for plates. “Okay.” _____________________ Later “What’s this you were telling me about? About this man?” Sherri asked, walking into the bedroom. 

Clyde was already in bed with a book. Sherri grabbed a bottle of cocoa butter lotion from her dresser and sat on the bed.  “He started a non-profit company for kids with special needs. Behavioral, academic. Kids with problems at home, anything. He said he wanted to hire a few reading tutors...” Sherri began to rub the lotion on her belly. The circular motions soothing her emotionally, as well as physically. “He said you didn’t need a formal education. It wouldn’t pay much now, but it would be a great experience.” Sherri let out a wry laugh. “So, you told a stranger in a restaurant that your dropout wife was looking for a low-paying job?” Clyde stared at the back of Sherri’s head with furrowed brows. “No, I said I would tell my wife about it, and see if she’s interested.” Sherri closed the lotion’s cap and put it back on her dresser. “Well, thank you for thinking of me, Baby. But I’m good...”  She yanked back her covers and climbed into the bed.  “But are you, though, Baby?” Clyde asked. Sherri was just about to turn on her side before she glared back at him.  “What do you mean?” she asked. “It ain’t no secret that you regret not settin’ out to be in education, Babygirl. I thought this would be a good way to get you back on track. But I guess I was wrong,” Clyde said. Sherri turned on her side and laid down. “Yeah, you were. I don’t need you job huntin’ for me.” Clyde looked down at his book. He tried to keep reading, but Sherri’s response was eating away at him. He took in a deep breath. “So, you just wanna be a receptionist for the rest of your life, Sherri?” He didn’t have to see her face to know what it looked like. Slowly, Sherri turned on her back and sat completely up.  “What is this about, Clyde? Are you ashamed of me all of a sudden?” she asked. Clyde huffed, then closed his book.  “No...” he answered. “But I know when you’re feeling sad, Baby. And I know you’ve been real sad these last few months.” “First of all, don’t tell me when I’m sad. I’m not sad. I’m not depressed or any of that. And even if I was, that doesn’t have shit to do with my job...”

“Sherri...” Clyde said patiently. “You can deny it all you want to. But you know and I know that you ain’t happy where you are.” “I am happy!” Sherri snapped. “What are you talking about?!” “You like your job, Sherri. But you ain’t happy,” Clyde continued on. “You regret not finishin’ school, Baby. It’s all over your face. You think you’re hidin’ it from me, but you’re not. You never have. And denyin’ it hasn’t made it better.” Sherri scoffed. “Please, Clyde. You don’t know what I’m hidin’ and what I’m not. Whatever the case may be, I’m halfway through my life, now. I’m damn near 40 years old, I’ve got two kids--almost got three. I’ve got to run around after three kids--” “Stop usin’ our kids as a crutch, Sherri.” Sherri’s eyebrows lifted. She was speechless. Clyde wasn’t as mild and meek as people assumed he was, but he’d never drilled into anyone like this before. Especially Sherri. He had the patience of a saint, and Sherri could tell that the patience had suddenly started wearing thin. But so was hers. “You my therapist now, Clyde?” Clyde drew in a deep breath. “No, I’m not. But I am your husband. And I know you better than I know the back of my own hand.”

“And look here. I don’t appreciate you sittin’ up here talkin’ like you the only one takin’ care of our kids...” “That’s not what I said. And it’s not what I meant, either,” Sherri responded.

“Whatever you meant, there ain’t nothin’ stoppin’ you from goin’ back to school, but you. I tell you about a potential job in your field, and you up in here actin’ like I stole somethin’ from you,” Clyde fussed. “I just don’t understand where this is comin’ from. Our life is just fine right now. Since when did you start feelin’ like it wasn’t good enough? Suddenly it’s so bad that you need to go job scoutin’ for me?” “Ain’t nobody say all that, Sherri. Yes, our life is just fine. It’s real nice. But you ain’t no “just fine” kinda girl. You ain’t never been,” Clyde said. 

“Everything about you is excellent, but when it comes to stuff like this--your dream, you start actin’ real cowardly.” 

Sherri stared at Clyde and huffed.  “Look. Whatever the case, Clyde. I don’t need you bein’ my reference. I don’t need you recommendin’ jobs for me. You worry about what you’ve got goin’ on, and I’ll take care of what I’ve got goin’ on.” Clyde nodded. “Alright.” He put his book on the nightstand and took off his bionic arm. He put the arm on his dresser, climbed back in bed, and turned off the lamp on his nightstand. Then, he slid down and pulled the covers over him.

“You ain’t got to worry about me sayin’ another thing,” he added. “Gon’ and pass that impostor’s syndrome down to our baby.” Sherri didn’t give his statement a chance to marinate in the air. 

“I think you should sleep on the couch,” she said without hesitation, or a even a thought. And Clyde didn’t argue. He climbed out of the bed, grabbed his pillows, and walked out of the room with them. He dug through the linen closet for a blanket, and curled into a ball on the little chaise of their sectional.  ____________________ The Next Day As she did every weekday morning, Sherri got up at 4:30AM. The scent of oatmeal soap still strong from last night’s shower, she gave herself a quick wipe down at the sink, then got Sid up. She helped Sid take care of their personal needs, and got them dressed. Per usual, mother and future middle child got a quick bite and made their way to the Busy Bees Daycare. Every week day, Sherri oversaw the front desk of the daycare and helped to keep an eye on all of the children, including her own.  Every week day--even on Mondays when he didn’t work--Clyde woke up and got Chris and himself ready. They too, sat at the table for a quick bite--cereal, usually. Then, Clyde would walk Chris to school. Today was a work day, so he hung out at home for about for about 45 minutes before making the seamless fifteen (or twenty, depending on his mood) minute drive to Strafford’s Kitchen. Today was definitely a “twenty minute drive to work” kind of day. Sherri always got off at 2 o’clock. Her and Sid would head home and hang out until it was time to pick Chris up. They’d walk to the school, chat with Chris’ teacher, and make their way back home to start homework and dinner. When Clyde was off, he would start dinner while Sherri and Sid walked to get the eldest Logan child.  Sherri had spent her day snatching every chance at mental solitude she could find. Clyde didn’t know what he was talking about. She was happy at Busy Bees. Had been for seven years. And more importantly, it was too late for her to consider going back to school. Especially with the cost of tuition nowadays.

“What’s on your mind, Sherri Pie?” Mrs. Barbara asked. She’d snatched Sherri out of a daze. “Hmm?” Sherri asked. “Everything alright?”  Sherri forced a smile and nodded. “Yes, everything is fine.”  Mrs. Barbara raised an eyebrow at her and Sherri laughed. “Me and the husband had a little spat, that’s all.” “Hmm,” Mrs. Barbara said with a nod. “And you know what Mrs. Barbara?” Sherri asked. “What?” she responded. She peeped into the commons space to get a look at the children, then back at Sherri.  “I just might owe that man an apology.” Mrs. Barbara laughed. “Well, wives can be wrong sometimes, believe it or not. What was the argument about? If you don’t mind me asking...” Sherri shook her head and rolled her eyes--at herself, of course. “He started talking to me about going back to school, and things like that...and I got really defensive, I think.” “You think?” Sherri sighed again. “I did.” “Do you want to go back to school?” Mrs. Barbara asked. “It would be nice, but it would just be too much right now. With Sid and Chris, and this one...” “Well, I’m gonna stop you right there, Sherri,” Mrs. Barbara said. “It would be nice sounds like you want to go...” “...yeah, well...” “You’ve got us. You’ve got your neighbors. And from what I know of Clyde, that man would put the world on his shoulders for you if he could. You’ve got more support than a lot of people in this world...” Sherri chuckled to herself. “Clyde said something along those lines.” “Well...” Mrs. Barbara said, peeping into the commons space again. “If Clyde and I mirror each other’s thoughts, then he must be right.” Mrs. Barbara winked and walked back into the commons area. Sherri just smiled to herself.  ____________________ Sherri and Sid returned home at about 2:30. “Can I watch TV, Mommy?” Sid asked. “Sure, baby,” Sherri said. She put her purse on the coffee table, turned on the television and flipped straight to PBS. Then, she made her way to the kitchen to hang her keys on the HOME hook. A familiar greeting card was sitting on the counter. On the front, it said “For You, Just Because. Blood rushed to Sherri’s cheeks, and she opened the card.

Her handwriting was on the right side, and read: Honeybunch, I love you and I appreciate you. Thank you for loving me and taking care of me. I know you’re feeling down now, but I want you to know that I’m always here, and I want to take care of you just as much as you do me. Love You, Sherri New handwriting was on the left side of it: 10/12/2027 Babygirl, I love you with ever fiber of my being. And I’ll never stop taking care you. No matter how much you take on, be it a little or a lot, I’m always going to carry it all with you. I just want you to be happy. And I want you to believe in yourself just as much as I do. If not more.  Love You More, Honeybunch Butterflies fluttered in Sherri’s belly. She gave her little bump a rub and read Clyde’s message one more time before closing the card. Then, she walked into the living room, joined Sid on the sofa, and pulled the raven-haired middle child into her arms.  “Goodness, I can’t believe Arthur is still comin’ on...” she said.  ____________________ TAG LIST @aloneandsleepless​​ @direnightshade​​ @finn-ray-nal-beads​​ @a-true-janian-reply​​ @thegreenmatt​​ @sister-winter73​​ @loewsy55​​​ @mariesackler​​​ @clydes-hole​​​ @sydneyssmut​​​ @kirah36​​ @lovelyyandtired​ @morby​ @tsarinastorm​ @clydes-hole​ Tag List request post

[strangerontheotherside84]

Wild Child || Part 2 (Billy Hargrove x  Reader)

Disclamer: as mentioned in my last post, I have decided to continue my fic “Wild Child” (which was actually finished after part 8). And yes I know we’re all horny and y’all just wanna get to the kinky stuff (I see you) but maybe give it a try and also check out the previous story to kinda get the pre-story behind all of this. Or at least read part 1 of this you kinky fucks :D

Warnings: language, smut, 18+, nsfw, smoking, drinking, drugs

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„You're late.“

„Yeah sorry had to drop off my sister at the Wheeler's house and Karen was nice enough to offer me a drink.“ Billy answered while stepping through the door, quickly following you into the kitchen to that fridge full of beer you had promised him earlier. „Dude, stop calling her Karen it's gross.“

„Hey there's nothing I can do. I feel like she really wants me to call her Karen, y/n. Can't deny a woman her deepest darkest desires.“ „Ew Hargrove shut up. I swear to god if you're really going to screw Nancy Wheeler's mom I'm gonna lose all my respect for you. And I don't have too much of that to begin with.“

„You can't deny that she's kinda hot. Also, what can I do she's really asking for it. Must be a very unsatisfying marriage.“

„I'm not gonna comment any further on this...but maybe go see a therapist about those mommy issues.“ you commented snarky, handing Billy a half rack of beer from the fridge.

„Oh fuck off y/n.“

„Love you too. Come on, we're going to the basement. The stereo down there is way better. I need you to check out some of the new releases I took from work.“

-

You were lying on the old leather couch staring at the wodden ceiling while „Raise Hell“ by Anthrax was blasting through the speakers of the Panasonic stereo. You quickly sat up as you heard a familiar noise.

„Hey Hargrove, quit going through my stuff!“

„So this is where you hide your weed, huh?“ the curly haired boy replied, not even bothering to look at you while he continued to go through the small drawer in the corner of the room.

„Amongst other things, yeah.“ you got up from the couch, your naked feet touching the fuzzy carpet-floor as you walked over to Billy, quickly snatching the cigarette case, which contained all of your pre-rolled joints, from his hands.

„So you really weren't lying about that porn collection.“ Billy sounded a bit surprised as he spotted the several vhs tapes behind a few bottles of Jack Daniel's.

„Told you so.“ you mubled while trying to light the joint between your lips, those matches were definitely ancient. „Don't underestimate me.“

„I could never. But let me help you with that.“, the curly haired boy fished a zippo from the pocket of his tight Levi's jeans and put on the flame in front of your face while licking his lips.

„Thanks.“ you mumbled with a devilish grin, while inhaling the smoke and blowing it into Billy's face.

„You're welcome.“ he replied, taking the joint from your lips.

„Didn't think I was sharing that.“ „Well now you are. So, y/n you wanna get drunk and stoned while watching some porn or were you just talking shit earlier?“

„I’m never talking shit, Hargrove. Here how about this one: Shana Grant plays a singer who must overcome her corrupt manager, who himself is involved with the mob. Well if this doesn't sound like fun. It better be good I payed 5$ for that.“

„It sure does. I wonder what will happen.“ Billy joked as he made himself comfortable on the couch, opening another beer. „Put it on then.“

-

„Well she really is working hard on overcoming that corrupt manager.“ you chuckled while taking another sip from the bottle of Jack, putting out a cigarette in the ashtray in front of you. Your head was starting to feel kinda dizzy, but you would never admit that. At least not until Billy would do the same. You lurked over to the blonde boy sitting next to you on the floor, trying to observe his movements as inconspicuous as possible.

“It's a tough business.” Billy replied, chuckling as well. He had his arms streched out on the leather couch behind you guys, his  red shirt was almost completely unbuttoned, as usual. “Can I help you y/n?”. God dammit. You really were shit at observing people when you're drunk.

“Nope all good.” you replied while stretching yourself across Billy's lap to reach for another can of beer from the half rag that was placed to the boy's right. You could feel his eyes on you as you slowly moved back onto your place, your crop top riding up and allowing him to catch a short glimpse of your boobs.

“Can I help you?” you returned the question while raising an eyebrow.

“Nope all good. That's a very nice shirt though.”

Even though you knew what he was refering to, it really was a nice shirt. It had Metallica's Ride the Lightning cover on it and you had cutten off the sleves and turned it into a crop top. However, it had gotten a bit shorter than expected which meant that it was now barely covering your chest. But you really couldn't be bothered with that kind of stuff anyway.

“So what do you say y/n. Was it worth spending 5 bucks on this?”, Billy drew your attention back to the TV that was still playing the VHS tape.

“All in all yeah. However, I must say that they look kinda bored from time to time. If I'd wanna see that I'd set up a camcorder in the Sam Goody's storage room.”

Your last comment caused the curly haired boy to burst out laughing, “And I thought I was having a hard time. But you're right they do look kinda bored, which is a pity. Looks like a lot of fun.” he hummed the last part in your ear while putting his arm around your shoulder.

You blamed it on being drunk and stoned but his actions actually caused your whole body to shiver with excitement for a split second. Wow you really were gonna give in to him that easy? That'd be a new record.

“It does. Although, I think I'd look less bored.” you replied, taking another sip from your beer and trying to stay focused on the small TV.

“I bet you would y/n. It's such a shame that all these losers you hook up with don't seem to know how to treat you right.” Billy muttered with his husky voice while taking a deep pull from his cigarette, throwing back his head to release the smoke into the air.

“Well thanks for your condolences Hargrove. And you think you'd do it better? Some of that stuff looks kinda hard.”, you taunted while gesturing your head towards the TV, your body now being turned towards Billy.

“We both know I will.” the curly haired boy leaned towards you, only to put out his cigarette in the ashtray behind your back while spotting a dirty grin on his face. You could feel his hot breath on your skin, your heart rate rising at the thought of all the things you'd like him to do to you right now.

“Don't dissapoint me then.” your words were nothing but a low hum but they were enough for Billy to press his lips onto yours within a heartbeat. Although it had been a while since you last hooked up together, the feeling was more than familiar. You both knew exactly how to move to push each others buttons, your kisses were nothing but a constant fight for dominance. You quickly got rid of your crop top while Billy was taking off his shirt only to meet his lips again seconds later. The tall blonde trailed his kisses across your neck, suddenly burying his teeth in your flesh, causing you to hiss. Billy pulled away from you spotting his usual cocky grin while sticking out his tongue.

“You need to get out of these pants if we wanna try what we just saw.”, he advised teasing.

“Ditto.” you replied with a wink. “And just so that you know,” you began while getting rid of your tight black leggings, “When I say it would be fun to try what we just saw I mean all of it.”

“You dirty slut.” Billy groaned while grabbing you by the throat, pushing your back into the cold wodden wall. You wrapped your legs around his waist while holding onto him by his neck as he pushed inside you. You could feel Billy's back muscles tightening as he began to thrust into you with full speed. “Fuck.” you moaned.

“Like it when I fuck you like that y/n?”

“Fuck yes.”

You knew you wouldn't last long if he continued at this pace but before you could say anything Billy pulled out of you, moving a step back while slowly letting you slide down the wall. You smirked at him, licking across your lips before sliding your tongue up his throbbing cock, the taste of yourself mixed with pre-cum meeting your lips. Billy let out a deep growl before grabbing you by the hair, forcing himself all the way into your mouth. The fact that you didn't even gag caused him to grin “You're such a dirty girl, way too good for anybody in this town- fuck y/n”. His words were could off as you began to deep throat him, slowly at first but then getting more and more messy, all while keeping eye contact with the curly haired boy. Billy's moans were music in your ears, you loved to be the one dominating him, especially since it seemed like something that was rather new to him.

“Get on the couch.” Billy hissed out of breath while pulling your hair. You did as you were told but not before slowly sucking on his tip one final time. “What? Can't handle me pretty boy?” you teased smirking while slowly walking past him towards the couch.

“You better save that attitude for later.” The tall blonde growled as he followed you, “Get on your knees.”

Billy quickly positioned himself behind you, firmly grabbing your hips. You could feel your own arousal dripping down your thighs, as you waited for him to finally push into you again. “You're always so wet for me,” Billy hummed against your core, causing your legs to start shaking “And you taste so damn sweet.”

You could feel him adjust himself at your entrance, the tip of his cock teasing you for what felt like forever.

“When did you become such a fucking tease, Hargrove?”, you groaned.

“What was that?”

“You heard me the first time. Just fuck me already.”

“You want me to fuck you, y/n?”

“Yes Billy pl- fuck.” This time it was you being could off as the tall blonde smacked into you, causing you to gasp.

“Like that?” he continued to tease as he began moving in a steady rhythym, “Or faster?”, Billy adjusted his speed at his last words.

“Faster...fuck Billy...fuck me harder.” You cried out, while the curly haired boy was continously hitting your sweet spot. You could feel your body tightening while you got closer and closer to your orgasm.

“Do you want me to pull out?” Billy growled while breathing heavily.

“No...just cum in my ass.”

Billy hummed at those words “So you really wanna try everything we just saw.”

He slowly pulled out of you, your whole body aching at the sensation of being left wanting more, just before he carefully pushed inside of you from behind, causing both of you to gasp.

“Fuck y/n I'm not gonna last much longer.”

“Just fuck me Billy..please.”

You did not need to tell him twice, after giving you some time to adjust to this new feeling he began to move with a steady rhythym, slightly fastening his pace.

“Fuck Billy...you feel so good.”, you had tried anal before but that was while being drunk at a party with some dude that clearly didn't know what he was doing, but the feeling of Billy fucking you from behind was something you'd never experienced before.

You're whole body was shaking and you could feel your lower abdomen tightening as you got closer and closer to your high.

“Fuck Billy I'm gonna cum.” You managed to cry out right before your orgasm rushed over you like a crashing wave, you buried your sweaty face and palms into the leather couch while moaning loudly.

This sensation caused Billy to let a fitlhy moan escape from his lips as he came inside of you, making sure to fill you up with every drip of his cum, before pulling out and collapsing on the couch.

The two of you had to take a few moments before either of you could say something. Both still breathing heavily, while sliding down onto the floor, trying to process everything that had just happened.

“So y/n, you're still not sure if I'd do better than those guys in the movie?” Billy chuckled out of breath while putting his jeans back on and lighting a cigarette.

“I'll think about it.” you replied dry while following his example.

“We're a really good team.” “Yeah a team of drunk and stoned idiots.”

[buckysmischief]

Sweetest Girl - 1

Scott Lang x reader

Word Count: 1.5k

Summary: You were a highly trained assassin who needed the Avengers help. Tony isn't a fan, not yet. Steve really has all the patience in the world. Bucky is, again, waiting for his past to blow up in his face. And Scott, well Scott has a very important question for you. Sucks for him that you’re not much of a talker.

AN: thank you to @perpetually-tuned-out for helping me edit this @stuckonjbbarnes for your ideas and both of you & @valkyriesryde @sebbbystaaan for y’alls encouragement 🖤

Masterlist | Series Masterlist

🐜🐜🐜🐜🐜

“The mission was to find out those agents were doing. Not bring back a random girl.” a man said. The voice sounded familiar, but it was coming from behind two way mirror.

“But she’s not random. I’ve seen her, she looks older but it’s her. Snow Leopard.” another voice speaks, a woman, this one you’ve never heard.

“This isn’t Snow Leopard, I trained with her before I escaped. I’d be able to recognize her.” the same man as before said, this time speaking Rusian.

Suddenly you realize who is speaking. You look into the eyes of your own reflection, knowing a piercing blue are looking back at you. “Long time no see, Winter Soldier.” That was all it took for Bucky to realize that he in fact did not remember what you looked like, because all you could hear now were them walking away.

It’s hours later when your door opens and Tony Stark himself is standing in front of you. “You’re YN YLN, or Snow Leopard if you ask the right people. You were taken by HYDRA at the age of ten, but you wouldn’t remember that. Not with all the tests and experiments they performed on you. I also heard you’d give Natasha a run for her money, but don’t tell her I said that. Did I miss anything?”

After a minute of ignoring him, Tony spoke up again “F.R.I.D.A.Y. bring her to conference room four.” Suddenly the chair starts moving, your wrists and ankles already being strapped down, and you’re quickly sitting in a room full of Avengers and some S.H.I.E.L.D. agents. You take a moment to remember the details of the room: glass walls, two exists, Nick Fury on your left, Tony Stark on your right, and Captain America himself straight ahead.

When you caught his eye, he silenced the whole room and began to speak. “Everyone in this room has heard the rumors of the ‘Snow Leopard’,” he says while nodding his head toward you, “but only one can tell us the facts. And since Miss YLN doesn’t want to be forthcoming, Bucky will.” Bucky?

Your unspoken question is answered when it’s the Winter Soldier who takes Steve’s place at the front of the room, and begins to tell a room full of people your secrets.

“HYDRA has kidnapped one child a year for the past 20 years, if they were old enough to remember anything, their memories would be erased. They trained YN to be a child assassin, and when she turned out to be better than they expected, they experimented on her until she could hear someone coming a mile away if she focused.

She may be strapped down, but has anyone checked her for weapons? I’d be surprised if she didn’t have at least four knives hidden somewhere on her. Not that it matters, she’s already identified every weapon in this room. Including non-conventional ones” He was almost right about the knives, you only had one hidden. Every agent had a gun and each Avenger had their own personal weapons. There were also plenty of office items that could be used as weapons if they really needed to be.

Bucky took a moment, preparing himself. “A few years before I escaped HYDRA, they told me to train her in hand to hand combat. When I knew her she had 36 successful assassinations, which is a lot since she had not failed a mission. Those numbers are now both 57. For over a year now HYDRA has been looking for her, she just ended all communication with them one day.

Fast forward to last night, Wanda and I were walking back to the Quinjet after a mission and we saw her sneaking onto the ship. She had to have been running from someone, she would have heard us if she was paying attention. Wanda knocked her out while I flew us home”

Everyone was quiet, processing all the information they were just given. None of it was wrong, and you were surprised he remembered it all so perfectly. Bucky quickly sat back down, and Tony took his place.

“Now, Miss YLN, would you like to add anything?” He wanted to know what you were running from, if it would be worth the trouble of keeping you here.

You sat there for a moment and debated on being a smart ass or telling them the truth, you didn’t trust a person in this room. In the end you found it pointless to hide the truth, “I was at a HYDRA facility one day to get mission details. I waited for 30 minutes before I got impatient and listened closely for my handlers voice. When I found it, I could hear his conversation. Someone was talking to him about putting me under again and adding something to my brain. I wasn’t chancing it, so I pretended to go to the bathroom and I’ve been running from HYDRA ever since. I was hiding from two when I saw the Quinjet land, and when it was safe I ran right for it. My intention wasn’t to take it if that’s what you’re thinking, I was looking for help.”

After hearing everything, you were moved to sit outside the glass walls. Watching them all discuss the information and decide your fate. It didn’t take long before you were brought back in to hear what was decided. Steve once again stood in front of you and spoke, “Everyone here agrees that your skillset is impressive and would make you an asset to the team, we also have no reason not to believe your story. We have all decided that if you decide to be apart of our team, we can keep you safe. If you don’t, you’ll be taken to The Raft for your crimes.”

There was no other choice, you were going to have to be apart of this team of idiots. You soon would learn to live with others, but you also got to have a full nights rest. It also included learning how to cook actual food for yourself and others, though you would always eat by yourself. Even in training, you only interacted with you teammates when it was necessary. Everyone had gotten used to it and they didn’t want to force you. You weren’t causing trouble and that’s really all they could ask for.

About three months into your stay at the compound you had gotten into a routine. Steve wouldn’t let you on missions until you talked to one of the teams many therapists, it was an easy decision to skip your session everyday. But today was different, instead of giving you your morning inspiration speech, Steve let you know there would be a guest staying with us for awhile. Scott Lang, or Ant-Man. Not knowing who either of them were, you brushed off the information, promising not to try and kill the guy, and went about your day.

Later that afternoon, you’re in the kitchen making yourself lunch when you hear a new voice. Must be that Scott guy. What you didn’t know was that ever since Scott had heard about you, he had questions. One, how do you live with so many people who do so much dumn shit and not laugh at it or even pay attention enough to judge them? But no, he knew what he was going to ask you about.

Scott was not shy, when he walked in the kitchen and saw you he just went for it. “Wait, who’s this?,” looking at Sam, “Oh yeah, the newest assassin. Is Stark making a collection?” You then turned around and crossed you arms over your chest and leaning on the kitchen island, curious to see how far he was going to take this.

“So, are the rumors true?” after raising an eyebrow, Scott continues, “Are you really always ready to kill someone?” he then rests his elbows across from you on the island, chin on his knuckles.

Now you don’t know if it was the question itself or the way he presented himself, but you were caught off guard. You looked down and laughed, upon looking up you put on a serious face and asked, “Do you wanna find out?”

“I don’t know what everyone is talking about, you’re totally not scary.” Scott then turned to the team to see the look of shock written over everyone’s faces. “What?”

You walk away while they’re distracted, but stay close enough to hear them.

“That’s the most that girl has talked to anyone since getting here.” Sam spoke what everyone was thinking. “You come in, not using a filter at all, asking her about being a damn assassin, and get her to not only SAY something, but LAUGH.”

Sam was right, you hadn’t said more than “Okay” or “I promise”, and that was just to Steve because you had to say it to Steve. You decided you would have to pay closer attention to this Scott guy, why was he different?

🐜🐜🐜🐜🐜

Permanent tags: @sociallyeneptbarnes @valkyriesryde @buckysdumbmetalarm @rogvewitch @infj-slytherclaw @whimsicalatbest @readeity @nea90sweetie @aestheticrelated @pinknerdpanda @justabitoverobsessed @imsoft-barnes @actualdpshuri @goalexis123 @https-bucky @agentpeggybarnesfanfics @justmebeingtheweirdmeiam @screaming-fridge @geeksareunique @rhymesmenagerie @brokenthelovely @ivoryhazlewood @sweetkingdomstarlight-blog @mushyjellybeans @sebbbystaaan @rayche776

[criticalbread]

Solarpunk Action Week!

Our plans for SPAW so far are: ==Buy some more herbs and berries from our local nursery to plant in the garden! We went yesterday and picked up rosemary, mint (its evil to be contained in a pot), lemon balm, and dill, as well as a dwarf thornless clumping raspberry bush! So stoked to put these bad boys in the ground/in the raised beds and to be able to cook with fresh, dry them come autumn, and make teas C: ==Pick up litter along the bike paths I walk in the neighborhood nearly every day. ==Walk with Eagan down to the nature park nearby and pick up litter along the way there. ==Start to tackle the “Help Me :(” bag of clothes that need buttons sewn back on, rehemming, or general maintenance. I’ve been ignoring them too long :U ==Look up a tutorial for making a simple hose irrigation system for the garden proper. We really hope to find perhaps an old used rubber hose or something on craigslist to reuse for this project and really improve our efficiency when it comes to water usage. ==Look up free manure and/or compost and/or mulch from around the community to use in the garden and raised beds! I’ve been doing a free permaculture course when time and energy permit and learning about the damage tilling does to soil, so I’m very interested in converting to a no-dig method and possibly over the next couple years creating a tiny food forest around our two apple trees. ==Seed clover around the planted rows in the garden / around the apple trees as nitrogen fixers. Also plant some true comphrey to make use of as green fertilizer later and improve movement of nutrients in the soil from deep up to shallower soil. ==This is after SPAW but on March 22nd there’s a Queer Clothing Exchange here in Portland so I’m going to take a lot of the clothes I don’t wear anymore to add to the pool! ==Put a couple books in the little mini library box in the neighborhood. I already slipped a Tamora Pierce novel in there with the hopes of introducing some of the local pre-teens :’)  ==Gonna donate money to the local food cupboard since I don’t think I’ll have physical/mental energy to try and work with Food Not Bombs this week. ==Fix up the bike I bought on craigslist a couple months ago?? She’s a lovely vintage Nishiki and I adore her but the pedals squeak and click. Fixing it up will mean being able to bike to my new job (!!!!! NEW JOB YALL!!!) ==Also now that I have a job I’m thinking I might join the IWW??? ==Last time I was in at the health clinic where I go for Chiro and massage, I joked about setting up a How To Make Sauerkraut At Home tutorial for them all and the massage therapist got really stoked. We had been talking about barter economy in small towns and how we think it needs to come back into other communities so he was like, “If you teach us how to make sauerkraut, maybe we can see about paying you back in care!” So, you know. Trading cabbage punching for massage is my dream. I want to message him and look in to if we can make that happen! Everyone should make sauerkraut, it’s so easy and fun and delicious!

I know there is a lot here and we might not be able to get to everything, but I’m super excited for Action Week and just feel so optimistic! Especially now that I’ve got an income again :””) Let’s get out there, y’all!

[Image Description: A close up view of a cardboard tray sitting on a wooden deck. The tray is brimming with herbs such as a tiny mint, tall feathery dill, spiky rosemary, and broad leathery borage leaves. Next to the tray is a larger dark green pot holding a clumping raspberry plant. Its long, spindly canes grow up out of a profusion of light green leaves and new growth at the base. There is a sliver of finger covering the lens in the top left corner because I was very excited to take this picture and not paying attention. Oops!]

[firesfelt]

afternoon, all ! finally getting my last ( for now... i already have Temptations ) intro up, and hopefully without a rushed ending because i suddenly have to do something lmao. while i’m not Wild about my intro graphics in general ( why does this one lowkey look stretched, for a start... ) but the fact that that ‘o’ is perfectly circling amanda’s eye ? an absolutely accident but *chef’s kiss* nonetheless. i’m writing this up while saving rp icons, so let’s see if i can multitask !!

( amanda seyfried, 30, cis woman, she/her ) AISLING O’CONNOR was seen listening to HAPPY BY LEONA LEWIS on their way to DIETICIAN. AISLING is known to be OPEN-MINDED & UNFORIGVING.

➜ so first thing’s first, aisling is pronounced ‘ash-ling’ ( or ash-lin depending on your accent/whether you drop your ‘g’s or not ) and although it would make my life so much easier when it comes to typing if she did, she really doesn’t take well to anybody calling her ‘ash’ ( i’m up for the challenge though ! give me someone in her life who can finally get away with shortening her name !! she doesn’t tolerate nicknames at all but can we change her ? let’s see ! )

➜ and with a name like aisling o’connor, i’m sure y’all really don’t need three guesses as to where she’s from. she was born in belfast, and is the oldest of six sisters -- all of them blonde, and all of them beautiful ( would it be obnoxious to submit wc’s for all of them ? possibly... will i do it anyway ? perhaps... ) she comes from a very family orientated family, so when her parents wanted to move the family out of ireland due to the conflict at the time, it wasn’t surprising that aisling’s aunt, uncle, and cousins came too, as well as her darling nanna. 

➜ aisling landed in huntsville at the age of six, but you best believe her accent is still just as prominent now as it was while running around belfast. as the oldest sister, she took on a lot of responsibility within the household, helping to raise the little ones with a roll of her eyes a each request, but also while being easily ignored. her parents were in no way neglectful, but with five smaller children to look after, their focus simply wasn’t on aisling.

➜ this meant that aisling fell through the cracks a little, and issues that began to surface as a teenager went unnoticed. while she never actually had a problem with her weight, teenagers can be wildly cruel and the societal pressures of looking a certain way can lead to young minds being warped, so aisling was very aware that she looked different to her peers. she was more... thicc/curvy/buxom, as a way to put it. 

➜ attention might not have been drawn to her body as much if her interests were different. aisling spent her childhood and teenage years in dance classes, drama workshops, and singing lessons, all with the goal of training in musical theatre and going on to become an actress. there was a certain body type that surrounded her, and it wasn’t one she possessed, herself. 

➜ it never became a problem, though, until she did go to college for musical theatre. her parents wanted all six of their girls to go to university, and they promised they’d pay what they could towards it as long as they went. they’d support any course, any major, just please go to university. however, aisling dropped out after two years. teachers, professors, agents, casting teams, they all  had something to say, something to critique, something to jab at, and it lead to aisling’s self-image crumbling to the point of severe unhappiness, and developing an unhealthy relationship with food. constantly being told to drop ten pounds, as one can imagine, had a pretty gnarly effect on her. 

➜ while she knew it would be possible to make it anyway, to prove the industry wrong, to make change, to represent different body types so young girls in the future don’t have to doubt themselves like she did, aisling decided her own mental health was both too fragile to do that, and more valuable than doing that. 

➜ i feel like i’m going on about this a bit too much lmao, so i’m gonna wrap it up a bit: she was able to recover from the disorded eating that formed as a result, and discovered a newfound passion about nutrition, and was able to care about it without obsessing. she really wanted to form new habits around food and body image, and realised that her perspective and beliefs actually went way back to childhood, and it then extended into wanting to help other people. eventually, aisling went back to school and studied to become a dietician, which she now is. she has a special interest in helping young woman recover from disorded eating patterns and develop a healthy relationship with food and their body, and stomping all over diet culture, but she sees all kinds of clients in general. 

➜ so life has obviously taken a very different turn for her, but she’s really kind of,,, okay with that at this point ? it is what it is, and that pathway really didn’t suit her. she didn’t have the skin for the industry --- or maybe the industry shouldn’t require her to have such thick skin, but it’s in the past now.

➜ also, p.s, i really don’t want it to come off like i think that there’s no place for women in theatre that don’t have sutton foster’s body, y’know ? that ain’t it !!!! it’s more,,, the absolutely ridiculousness of the pressure actresses have to look a certain way, esp. in theatre where if you’re not really slim, but you’re not big enough for roles like madame thernadier/tracy turnblad/nadia mcconell/martha dunstock/etc, there’s no place for you ? or people act like there’s no place. also don’t want it to come off bad in that,,, obviously at the end of the day, aisling is a thin woman that’s a bit,,, curvy ? like oh poor thin white woman ? that ain’t it, that isn’t what i’m trying to do jshsbss. d’you get me ? tryin to comment on how the industry can be a bit Shit, without making it out like little white cis women are the ones discriminated against. hopefully y’all get me sjhnbssbs

➜ also, when i was Creating aisling, i was originally going to make her older, and was gonna use keri russell, which is a Fun Time. i absolutely love keri though so don’t be surprise if i pop up with a keri fc later on down the line, lmao. 

➜ in terms of personality, i feel like the two traits i picked for her app are a little, like, contradictory in a way ? but i love characters with conflicting personality traits. she’s very open-minded, easy to talk to, very accepting, etc ( she’s kinda like a therapist in that when you talk to her, she’ll just kind of nod and not show any kind of,, Reaction either way, she’s just Observing until it’s her turn to speak. she’s just taking everything in and Receiving without judgement for the most part ) but when she’s personally hurt, in a way that directly impacts her ( usually related to her family, tbh ) there is,,, no forgiving. she’ll hear you out, and maybe be able to move on from it, but forgiveness for the big, big things is r a r e. 

➜ like how gwen is always sort of,, Faking happiness, i feel like aisling is always sort of chasing happiness ? she always wants to do what’s best for herself, and loves and respects herself deeply, so she’s always making the choices that are more likely to lead to long-term happiness, even if it bloody well hurts in the meantime ---- like giving up acting. 

➜ i feel like while emika is just a loner in general who can’t handle more than fwb situations and one night stands, and gwen doesn’t have the time to form proper relationships with people due to her shift work, aisling is just really, really unlucky in love. like, for whatever reason, things just don’t work out, or turn sour, or just... fall apart. there’s a long line of exes and flings, people she took home to her parents and people she thought it best not to, all of which ending in tears. 

➜ at least she has her bunny rabbits, though. they’ll never let her down. their names are sondheim & shwartz, and they are her pride and joy. 

➜ her family play a massive role in her life, and she doesn’t know any differently and wouldn’t want to. her nanna is, as you can imagine, really quite old at this point, and deteriorating health-wise, but the whole family band together to keep her well and try and keep her mind active.

➜ in terms of connections and plotting, again, i’m really open. i’m willing to give absolutely anything a go and try and work stuff out. i’m also always open to hearing ideas for plots people really want and seeing if any of my characters fit. but for loose ideas for now: failed relationships & exes ( there’s lots of room there ), clients ( definitely don’t have to have issues with food necessarily ! she also sees people for things like dietary restrictions due to allergy or recently diagnosed illness like diabetes or pcos or w/e, pregnancy, folks who just want to create a meal plan that makes their body feel its best, picky eating in kids, etc ! ) people she went to school with, other theatre-y folks to bond with, honestly absolutely anything. 

[teamjacobthot]

issa twilight tag game baybee

pick 5-10 characters and write your take on the canon version of them vs. fanon version of them. fanon doesn’t have to be what is generally accepted in the fandom, it can be your own idea of what you think a character is like. then tag the same number of people as characters you pick, if you can.

I was tagged by @leahclearwaterdefensesquad so let’s get into it baybeeee

Jacob

Canon:

Absolutely 1000% adored him and his pure goodness and supportive nature up until Smeyer suddenly wrote him as a violent piece of shit and blamed it on phasing (??????)

And THEN made him a permanent house dog of the Cullens in Breaking Dawn…….. 

Y’all already know how I feel about all that so I’m not getting into it

But trash

Done dirty only bc Smeyer realized she wrote a likable love interest and had to SQUASH that shit instead of making Edward more likable :|

We been knew

Fanon:

HOWEVER

I’ve actually really, really come to love some of the fanon takes of Jacob on here!!! 

I never really had a personal headcanon before the Twilight Renaissance besides “he fixes cars, he gives good hugs, and he’s kinda sad”

This is still true but that man (rn I’m thinking of Jacob as like… a 22 year old) is CRAFTY. 

I love the fanon takes where he sells his handmade jewelry on Etsy and starts his own mechanic shop

I love a man who’s good with his hands

In my personal headcanon now, he definitely works to start his own shop or goes to college to become an engineer, has some unresolved feelings about his sisters abandoning him that eventually get resolved with time, enjoys hanging out with Billy and admires him, probably makes jewelry for his friends’ and family’s birthdays

And would make the best dad ever in the future

He’s also super patient and treats his friends like family because his own family is so fragmented

I also imagine that he can’t fucking cook but he still tries. 

Btw I reject ALL forms of canon where Jacob and any other members of the pack end up hanging out with the Cullens for eternity bc those pasty mfs ruined their lives and need to MOVE AWAY so the pack can finally get some PEACE

Bella

Canon:

Horny white girl

No friends

Doesn’t cuss

Gets married and has a baby at 18 despite literally being Team Fuck Them Kids

Fanon: 

Ngl, I’ve really disconnected with the fandom when it comes to Bella

I do agree that she stays horny

But I do think the fandom sometimes overdoes it in terms of how chaotic she is bc she just… doesn’t give me that kind of vibe. She definitely wasn’t in her right mind in New Moon so that doesn’t count

In fact I find her mentally ill and I really really really want her to get a therapist

I don’t really care for Vampire Bella bc I felt that she lost all the parts of her personality that I really enjoyed

But when it comes to Human Bella, she’s just a chill girl

She’s a Virgo. She was an adult at like, 12

In my personal headcanon, she gets the distance she needs from her mother (I think she has mommy issues tbh) and learns to be an adult not for anybody’s sake but her OWN

She doesn’t necessarily go to college, but she does what she wants

And I genuinely believe she would NOT want a kid before the age of like… 27, if at all

She would live her life at a comfortable place, have lots of sex lmao, and actually make some friends too

Not a lot for friends, just a couple good ones, Jacob included

I’ve always written her/liked seeing her written as humorous but in a super dark way — self-deprecating, sarcastic, DRY, etc. 

She definitely cusses a lot bc she finds there’s a LOT to cuss about

She absolutely smokes weed bc do y’all see how stressed she is??? She deserves it!

Let Bella Smoke A Blunt 2020

Leah Thee Clearwater

Canon:

Bitter :(

Mean “for no reason” :((((

Needs to get over it :/

Hilarious

Fanon:

The fanon depictions of Leah are my favorite so far but they do vary A LOT

I don’t really care for Leah x Angela bc while they are two tall queens, EYE frankly think Leah is too good for anybody we’ve met in the saga and needs a fresh start anyway

And staying in boring ass Clallam County for a gf does not sound like the move

I’m personally a fan of the fanon where Leah moves away after all the bullshit with the Cullens, maybe goes to school, gets a good paying job that’s actually meaningful work too, and never has to phase again

I think about Leah’s life before phasing A LOT. In my mind, she was a semi-popular athlete with hella friends and admirers but still strong and opinionated. She protects girls and women and makes sure to hold people accountable when they fuck up

Overall, my headcanon of Leah is just Canon Leah but if the world was less cruel to her. 

She’s perfect the way she is and I love her <3

Charlie

Canon:

Disgruntled cop

Drinks beer

Hates Edward

Loves Alice

Fanon:

The general fanon for Charlie is more or less the same as Canon Charlie which is like… fine

But he’s still a cop

So in my personal headcanon, he leaves the police force to do work that actually helps Forks like something within community engagement

Maybe he does volunteer work on the Quileute reservation too

Idk I just want him to be useful and not a cop

Rosalie

Canon:

Cold

Mean

Blonde

Doesn’t like Bella

Fanon:

Ok so even though she’s immortal I really imagine she’d like to be around babies and pregnant women as much as possible

I think she would do amazing as an OBGYN despite her hands being all cold lmao

IMAGINE ROSALIE DELIVERING BABIES!!!! (ASSUMING HER HANDS AREN’T TOO COLD!!!!!!)

If she couldn’t be around pregnant women and babies as much as possible I imagine her having her own mechanic shop (possibly shared with Jacob, if they could tolerate each other)

Imagine her working on cars…… I’m w*t

I could also really imagine her fucking it up in an nonprofit organization as an advocate for survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault

Overall I really appreciate the fanon that she’s soft at times and does more than just fuck lmao

Quil Ateara Thee Fifth

Canon:

Likes girls

Likes cars

Likes to hang with his friends

Fanon:

All of what’s given in canon

But he’s actually HILARIOUS

And maybe a SoundCloud rapper

The fandom doesn’t talk about Quil enough and I want that to change

Embry

Canon:

Has some sense

Pretty chill overall

Fanon:

Same as canon but WE FINALLY LEARN WHO HIS DAD IS

I feel like it’s Sam’s dad but I want confirmation

WHAT IS THE TRUTH

off the top of my head i’m tagging @rosaliehalee @bellas-dumptruck-ass @fucksmeyer @clearwaterss @embrythecall @that-crooked-smile @witchyangela and absolutely anybody who wants to do this!!!

[selfindulgentpoorlywritten]

Hip-Check (Matthew Tkachuk Imagine)

Alright y’all, I finally fixed it! Hopefully this version is more coherent now that I’m not drunk off my ass.

Rating: T

Pairing: Matthew Tkachuk/Reader

Words: 1572

Warnings: none

Requested: yes/no

Summary: You’re just trying to get coffee after a long night at work. You end up getting a little extra.

Your job fucking sucks. Well, it doesn’t really, you’re just in a bad mood after a shitty shift. Spring and summer are the busiest time of year, which is stressful enough, but also everything that could go wrong did go wrong today. A real Murphy’s Law of a shift. Your propane tank had a leak, so your forklift ran out and stopped at the far end of the dock, meaning you had to walk all the way down and back with the tanks since everyone else was too busy to grab one for you. Then the system went down, so you had to run all your bills to and from the supervisor’s desk for them to put in directly. Then approximately eight million pallets needed to be repaired or entirely re-stacked throughout the seven hours you were there. Oh, and your unbearable coworker with an obvious crush on you— while also seeming to think you’re his personal therapist— kept stopping by your trucks to chat. So over all, super fun day. Or night, rather. You get off at 6am, meaning it’s 6:15 when you get to Starbucks to treat yourself to something sugary and caffeinated before going to give your friend’s daughter a lift to school.

The drive-through is packed, so you decide to go inside and wait in that hellish line instead. At least that way you can play on your phone without someone honking at you for not moving up two feet .2 seconds after it opens up. You’re not really in the mood to be around people, especially in a noisy place after a noisy night at work, but whatever. You open the door, and just before you can go through, someone darts inside in front of you, jostling you a bit. Irritating on its own, yes, but what really gets your hackles raised is that they don’t even say anything. No apology, no thank you, no nothing. Just breeze past you, fucking ram into you, and say fuck all about it. Any other day, you’d roll your eyes and let it go, but not today. Not today.

“Hey man,” you call as you come in the door behind them, “What the fuck?” They turn to face you, looking annoyed, and oh shit. You know exactly who that is, and you don’t really want to piss him off. But you started it and now you’ve gotta finish it.

“What?” he demands, standing tall and crossing his arms over his puffed up chest like he’s trying to be intimidating.

“Did you seriously just do that?” it’s not really a question, more like a confirmation. A bit of an aggressive confirmation, but.

“I’m in a hurry,” he says, like that’s a legitimate excuse.

“So am I,” you’re not, “You don’t see me pushing people.” A few people had looked over when you’d first confronted him, but they’ve all looked away by this point, more interested in coffee than you two, so you don’t feel too bad. That’s the beauty of cities: no one gives a shit what you do so long as it doesn’t affect them. Tkachuk stares you down, but when you just fold your arms and stare right back, he huffs and rolls his eyes. He throws out a “whatever” and turns his back on you. Oh hell no. You get in line behind him, because you’re not about to wait longer than necessary, but this definitely isn’t over.

“Are you fucking serious, dude?” you hiss just loud enough for him to hear. He turns back toward you.

“I don’t have time for this,” he snips right in your face. This close up, he’s huge, and it’s more than a bit intimidating, but your spite carries you through.

“Neither do the rest of us,” you spit back, “You can wait like everybody else. There’s a fucking line anyway.” This is so stupid. You would’ve held the door for him if he’d just waited a damn minute. Something changes in his expression, though, and he deflates a bit. The person behind you clears their throat, and the two of you shuffle forward to fill the several-person-wide gap that had formed. With that second to breathe, your anger starts to dissipate pretty quickly. God, you’ve been so rude to the other customers, causing a scene like this. At least it seems like Tkachuk is starting to unwind, which makes it easier for you to regain your composure.

“I’m sorry,” he says after a pause, like apologizing was akin to bathing a cat, “It’s just--” He trails off, looks frustrated, shuffles up in the line, looks frustrated some more.

“My sister is in town and I promised I’d get her Starbucks for her first day here,” he explains, like he’d rather be admitting to murder, “I forgot about it, so I’m trying to get it before she wakes up.” Oh. That’s actually. Sweet? Obviously it’s still a dick move to check someone in a coffee shop, but the fact that he did it for a good cause helps soothe your anger all the more.

“I just want everything to be perfect, y’know?” he finishes, head still held high despite his hunched shoulders and clenched fists. You’re not usually a touchy-feely person, but you’re nearly overwhelmed with the urge to hug him. You wish your brothers cared that much about you. While you don’t hug him, you do touch the outside of his wrist with gentle fingertips, looking up into his eyes when they snap to you. They’re a disarming shade of blue that you hadn’t really noticed before, and you almost forget what you were going to say. Focus.

“I’m sure she’ll be happy just to have her brother around,” you assure him, all annoyance forgotten, “As long as you don’t hip check her through a door.” Okay, maybe not entirely forgotten. It gets him to laugh, shaking his head a bit, and his posture relaxes. You can feel the muscles and tendons in his wrist and forearm go slack, and for some reason his hands going soft makes you want to hold them. You’re gonna end up in love with the dude by time you leave, at this rate.

“I really am sorry about that,” he says, “I thought I had enough room.” You just shrug and straighten back up alongside him.

“Eh, It wasn’t that big of a deal,” you dismiss, “I just had a bad day at work and took it out on you. Sorry about that.” His brows look much cuter when they’re furrowed in confusion rather than anger.

“You had a bad day at work already?” he asks. You huff a laugh.

“I work night shift,” you explain, “So I guess more of a bad night at work.” You watch as realization dawns on his face, his mouth making a silent “oh”. Then you realize you’re still basically holding his wrist, so you bring your hand back to your side and hope he didn’t notice, so you can avoid that embarrassment. Except he stops you with a soft grip on your fingers, pulling you to the counter alongside him. He snags a pen from the counter and scribbles something on the back of your hand while effortlessly rattling off his order to the barista.

“And whatever she wants,” he tacks on at the end, motioning to you with a jerk of his head.

“Oh, you don’t have to,” you say, dumbfounded at how far left this interaction has gone. How the hell did you go from wanting to punch him, to him offering to buy your coffee? Damn, you must be charming.

“It’s the least I can do,” he insists, and you’re not about to turn down a free drink. He plunks the pen back onto the counter and pays after you order, still holding your hand. When you look down, you-- oh. That’s. That is his phone number. On your hand. Your hand. After you just chewed him out in public for being rude, and he gave you his number. What the hell.

“I forgot that we have to wait for them to make the drinks, so this doesn’t have the same effect, huh?” he says, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly with one hand, and leading you to the waiting area with the other. Matthew Tkachuk just gave you his phone number. Maybe you got hit in the head with a box on the dock, and this is all a dream. That would make more sense.

“I was gonna say ‘text me’ and walk away all cool, but,” he shrugs, “Doesn’t always work out that way.” He was trying to be cool. He was going to write his number on your hand and walk away “cool”. Well, if he’s going to give you the opportunity, you’re not going to overlook the chance.

“Damn,” you say, shaking your head facetiously, “Gotta work on your timing.” Tkachuk looks mildly devastated until he realizes you’re joking, which makes you feel mildly powerful. He must really want to see you. The both of you chat for a few minutes, the subject switching between hockey and coffee and family until his name is called. He steps forward to take his drinks and when he turns back to you, he looks conflicted.

“Better go give her that coffee,” you say, “I’ll see you later?” A small smile grows on his face.

“Yeah,” he replies, eyes soft, “Yeah, you will.”

[quaranbabes]

hey friends,

things have been a bit (insanely) busy. i have mostly good news, but i am just exhausted. i feel like grad school is like that greek myth with the hydra. you cut off one head and three more grow back in its place. i’m worried about burning out. i feel like i just finished midterms and now i’m already preparing for the next set of exams. i started a ten page paper and presentation a day before it was due and just presented it today. i think it went well, but now it’s onto preparing for my next role-play, studying for embryology, and developing my research proposal. i just want 24 hours to sleep.

amanda’s been keeping me sane. we went for a walk after my presentation today at hundred acres and we saw FUNKY BONES. if you’ve read the fault in our stars, that’s where the main characters go on a date. it’s just a large skeleton that u can walk on. it was so nice getting out and even though it’s been super dark and dreary recently, the fresh air felt super nice. i really got those ~over the garden wall~ autumn vibes.

i miss you all so much. i think about you guys a lot. (and dont worry! i have not forgotten about writing letters, i just really have not had much time to sit down and draft them. and when i do have free time, it’s really constrained to One Relaxing Thing and then back to work, so i’ve had to be a bit picky about what i have time to invest in).

i feel like it’s my fault that i feel so swamped right now. i always take on too much. i just got a job as a research assistant at a parkinson’s lab. i am serving on the outreach committee for a student organization. instead of using a pre-conceived research proposal, i decided to come up with my own (giving me like x3 as much work as my classmates). i am really hoping it will pay off in the end since i am hoping to be more invested in the work as a result. so far it’s been a pretty horrible decision.

my research director’s husband suddenly died in a freak accident a few weeks ago. they had been childhood friends (like, they grew up as neighbors from kindergarten) and dated in high school and had been married for over forty years. it’s the most fucking tragic thing i have ever heard. my research proposal is due in two days and she just came back to work today. i didn’t want to bother her while she was grieving, and so i worked on my proposal independently and asked other faculty to review my proposal. it’s 6 pages and i’m currently working on the 4th draft. i had her review it today and she says that i need to re-do it because the scope is too broad. 

i know its not her fault that she hasnt been able to be here and i cant imagine the pain she is going through, but COME ON. i was given absolutely nothing to go on. i feel like i was just pushed into the ocean without ever being taught how to swim. i don’t know how she expects me to draft a completely new proposal with 48 hours notice AND with a full day of classes tomorrow (8am-5:30pm with an hour break for lunch) AND with other time-sensitive homework due. i am so tired. 

none of my other classmates have had to write proposals, and so they are farther ahead on assignments for next week that i haven’t even had the chance to start. i know i shouldn’t be comparing myself to them, but i just do. i feel like a kid compared to them. they all have these amazing time-management skills, they all do WONDERFULLY on their presentations and their role-plays, and they all seem to do it without panicking each step of the way. i know that i am likely not seeing the whole picture, but i feel like i have to work twice as hard to be half as competent as them. these things don’t come naturally to me at all. i’ve been telling amanda that i am not smart, i am just a hard worker. she gets mad at me when i say that, but it’s true. i’m just worried that hard work won’t be enough to get me through this program.

on the bright side, because i am so busy, it feels like time has been going by so quickly. it’s hard to believe i have only one more month of in-person classes for this semester before thanksgiving break, and then finals pretty soon after that. that’s also pretty terrifying though, since that means i’ll be starting seeing patients in clinical rotations soon too. 

i think i might have to talk to my therapist about upping my dosage of zoloft (WHICH, SIDE NOTE, HAS ALSO BEEN SUPER DIFFICULT SINCE IT MAKES ME SO FOOKIN’ SLEEPY. i hope the side effects subside soon) i started taking it a few weeks ago to help with anxiety. i haven’t felt much of an effect other than the side effects, which is ... not ideal. i know that it takes a while to get the full effect though, and i’ll be seeing my PCP on friday to talk about how its been going. i’ll update y’all then!

anyway, time to get back to my proposal. hope you are all well :)

[the-book-reaper]

Y’all I need to vent

It’s gonna get personal, feel free to scroll past, this is mostly just to type out my feelings

Most of you know by now that I’m trans. For a very long time I didn’t want to identify with this label and I was very uncomfortable thinking about the possibility of me being a trans male. For some time, I identified as gender neutral. I didn’t have the right vocab, and I later realized I was misusing the term. Then I thought I was “neutral” (neutrois or agender is what I should have used) but fluid between masc and femm. That’s what I said, but inside I knew I no longer idenified with anything female. But I was unwilling to close myself off to the possibility that I could shift back to “normal”.

After that, I was nonbinary. (Some people might say that I was mislabeling, I think at that point in my life, I was nonbinary.)

All this time, I was absolutely terrified that my gender would keep on shifting more and more masc until I was entirely male. I refused to even think about it

But eventually, that did happen. I started to get extremely uncomfortable with my given name. I began searching for a new one, one that would be more masc. I made an account on Trevor Space (it’s really awesome, and I’d recommend it to anyone feeling alone or like you don’t have any support) and I made a post asking for names, giving a few that I was considering (Daniel, Leo, Joshua, Charlie, Gabriel). I even practiced in the mirror saying “hi, my name is ___”

And I found that when I used Gabriel, I got extremely happy. I really liked it. But then it began to feel wrong because of how religious it is (I’m Catholic) and it felt like a Fuck You to God for using a religious name because of what the Catholic Church generally thinks of trans people. So even though I loved it, I scratched it

But then someone replied to my post saying I could use initials, and they wouldn’t even have to stand for anything

I immediately began running through the alphabet and writing down ideas. I eventually settled on TJ. And I was texting a friend this and I said “it could stand for Trevor Jesse” because it was from the Trevor Project etc idk. But it sounded familiar, yet off. So I texted my mom asking what I would have been named if I were a boy, and she said TJ, for Travis Jesse. What probably happened was, I subconsciously knew the name TJ and it felt familiar, so I picked it because I had heard it before, and in relation to me. Or (and I like this version better), my mom predicted I’d be queer as fuck without even knowing it

I began experimenting with pronouns (in secret, of course) and he/him felt good, but I tagged on they/them because I can’t be a boy.

Fast forward to a few days ago and my dysphoria was as bad as its ever been, and I ended up sobbing for about 2 hours. I had finally opened my eyes and realized that I’m a trans guy. I couldn’t accept it, but I knew I was. I knew life was about to get a million times harder. It would be harder to find a job, and if I can’t find a good, steady job (that I like) then how am I supposed to pay for top surgery?? How to I get on T??? (I had known for years I was going to get too surgery, but I had been back and forth on T)

How do I live in a world that hates me? How do I live knowing that there is literally no way for even my mother to understand what I’m feeling? (That’s a whole other can of worms)

In hindsight, I would have done things differently in those two hours. I ended up calling my mom, but I was too chickenshit to ask my roommate to listen to music or leave, so I ended up coming out to her as a byproduct. Sobbing, I told my mom “I can’t keep doing this. I can’t keep calling myself a girl” among other things. Eventually my roommate (bless her heart) left the room. When I’m feeling dysphoric/depressed I literally cannot think straight. I came out to a fucking barista I barely knew because I couldn’t keep it in. My mom proceeded to be absolutely no help at all (“how will you get a job? So you think your a “”man””? I love you, I just don’t understand at all” thanks mom)

How can I, with breasts, “petite features” as my therapist so kindly pointed out, and feminine voice, look at a person and say “I am a male”. I feel like I’d be lying, but continuing to call myself a girl is an even bigger lie. I know that a man can be a man without transitioning at all, but I feel like I can’t call myself one while I look like this. No one would believe me, no one would understand

So for the rest of the day, and the next, I carried around a feeling of sorrow and loss. Loss for how my life used to be. Sorrow because of my brothers, sisters, and siblings who feel the same as me. I was only just now coming to terms with how the world treats us. I still am.

Also I’m pretty sure I’ve already said a lot of this, but my memory is shit and putting this out there is therapeutic for me. I don’t expect anyone to comment, like, or reblog this, it is merely to document how I feel