#like I can feel myself turning hard and bitter and angry and I do not like it

[bunnihearted]

🍷

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[writella]

Working It Out

Synopsis: The group has been on the road for months— they’re starving, distraught, and frankly, getting sick and tired of each other. After an argument about how to proceed, Rick decides they should split up to take a break from one another. You and Daryl go off into the woods, but what was supposed to be a silent search for food turns into a loud breaking point.

Details: Daryl Dixon x reader, afab!reader, before Alexandria era, smut 18+, this takes place in the woods, tiny bit of oral fixation, handjob, fingering, tiny bit of pussy slapping, penetration, getting caught, possibly inexperienced (I wrote it as unconfirmed) or just horny, hasn’t had sex in who knows how long Daryl, reader talks about killing and dying, Daryl and the reader fight, but of course I added a little bit sweetness because how could I not?

A/N: This was not one of the two Daryl fics I’ve been talking about but the idea came to me and I decided to finish this one— hope you like it. ♡

The trees turn into flashing streaks of green and brown with spots of blue from the sky as you try to catch up to Daryl. He was only walking, but his pace had become relentless, it’s almost as if he was running. His brisk strides became larger and faster, not helping your weak and worn down body. Everything feels just a little dizzy and your stomach growls, even Daryl could hear it.

“I would’ve been able to fix that,” he growls back, “if you didn’t make so much fuckin’ noise.” He speaks from the side of his mouth, “That’s the first rabbit we’ve seen in weeks.”

“It wouldn’t have fed all of us anyway.”

“Nothin’s feeding us now.”

“I’m the one who found it!” You snap, “I’m sorry I tripped on a gun. I wasn’t the idiot who decided to leave it there so I could fall and we could all go hungry again for another day.”

“It’s cause you don’t pay attention.” He was talking about your tracking skills: “How long we been at this? Use the trees. Move slow. Walk light.” He speaks under his breath, spitting to the ground, “Bet even a walker knows that.”

Your voice is agitated and angry, “Why are you being so mean today?”

“Why are you acting like such a damn brat?”

“Maybe because we’re homeless!”

You shout louder than you should have, you hear rustlings now, it makes you both raise your weapons.

“Shut up,” Daryl says hushed and slowly. It’s rude, but you know he means it because of possible danger.

After deciding it was probably just another animal you lost out on, you continue, your voice somber, “Or maybe it’s because you don’t talk to me… You never talk to me.”

Your emotions wave from anger and sadness and back again as you sneer, “And I know it’s because you’re just unapologetically yourself, right? And we all just have to take it,” you scoff. “Stoic Daryl, never talks about his feelings so I always have to guess all the time.” You’re shaking your head now, you almost cry out, “You’re not easy to deal with… And I try so hard.”

Daryl’s face remains untouched by your words, but you know better, it’s the way his eyes don’t meet yours, but you still don’t feel like he understands. “You’re like talking to stone… or maybe a walker.” Your words become sharp and biting as you continue to use his reference against him, “Maybe then I can just shoot you in the head and you’d never hear my mouth again. Or maybe walkers really are that much smarter than me and I can just shoot myself, save us both the misery.” Your voice becomes bitter, “Bet you’d like that better.”

He grits his teeth now, his eyes dart venomously, but still they never met your own.

You could tell the last part had to do something to him more than before, his head shakes more hair in front of his face as he looks down, his features grim.

You started to feel bad, knowing that you probably went too hard. It wasn’t a joke to talk about dying, and most certainly not in this world.

You didn’t like when you were the reason to cause Daryl distress, but it also upset you how much of a pull he had on you— your emotions easily shifting with his.

Just as caring as he was, he could also pretend to be equally as unconcerned. It was so easy, yet so hard to love him.

It felt like the beginning of spring when he was warm; like gaining something new and special over and over; like when you said something sweet or silly enough to earn a smile. It felt like every time he used to say “you commin’,'' when getting on his bike at the prison, knowing that you wanted to, knowing that your eyes would linger as he rode to the gate, always waiting until the last second to ask if you could unless he asked first.

But when he was cold, it hurt; like winter in December, like losing something as fast as you got it. You were left guessing at what he was feeling even more than before and never understanding how much space or how much attention to give him to help. You knew it was hard for him to speak, you understood it personally, but it made it harder for you to be there for him when he never at least explained that.

Turning his back on you, Daryl walked forward, leaving you as he went deeper into the woods, and as much as you felt bad for becoming so spiteful, you weren’t done: you walked faster too, turning him around, you pushed his shoulders, you pleaded contentiously, “Say something!” Your grasp on the sides of his arms are firm now, you shake him once, “God, just say something,” one of your hands pounds on your chest, shouting, “just tell me what’s really going on or what happened for once in your life!”

No response. Of course not. Your arms drop defeatedly. His eyes are indignant as yours implore hopelessly.

Your voice starts to crack, “No one’s going to know how you feel or how to be around you if you don’t- just- talk.” Your last word is a final push to him on his shoulders.

Daryl twists your wrists away until they’re down by your sides, and you yank your hands from him.

“What do you want me to say?” His voice becomes more guttural the louder he gets, “That you’re fuckin’ annoying? Always gettin’ on my shit? On the back of my bike? Always right behind me?” His movements are erratic, “You ain’t easy either. You’re always everywhere when you don’t gotta be.”

Your eyes are crestfallen now, but the anger remains.

“Just leave me the fuck alone,” Daryl barks. Pointing a hard finger in your chest as he finishes, “For once in your life!”

“You’ve never told me to not come-”

“I never asked for it neither,”

“-or at least meant it when you said it—you never say no— you even ask me- I- I thought it was okay,”

“Cause you just keep on!” His voice turns low and desolate after, “But I never asked for it. I ain’t never asked for you.”

Your eyes linger on his face for a moment, your glare becoming a sad gaze as you watch the strands of hair that cover it become more sweaty and frizzy from the heat, hiding him more.

“I didn’t ask for you either. You just came one day and… I’m sorry-“ a heat begins to rise in your throat, “I’m sorry that I came back with you. You didn’t have to take me to the prison,” your voice starts to choke up, “I’m sorry that afterwards I- I didn’t want to be away from you.”

Tears began to well in your eyes, but you turn away before the first ones roll, you start walking ahead.

He doesn’t stop you. After a moment he just follows a few feet behind, making it evident he’s still there by allowing his feet to crunch on the leaves.

Even though you’re leading he still doesn’t say no, doesn’t actually let you leave him alone. The fact makes you frustrated, your hands ball up and you can feel your nails digging into your palms. You try to breathe in deeply to stop your weeping, but the more you try the more angry you get. The feelings start to erupt again and every inhale becomes a sniffle as more tears fall.

Daryl stops walking again. More distance is placed in between you two until he says your name.

You end your trek without turning around, “What,” your voice is cross as you wait for a response, but Daryl is already there behind you.

As you face him you try to hold everything in. Barely breathing as you try to stop your crying, but you can’t help but allow another big tear fall as you look at his eyes, so blue and downcast; they look like rain. You forget that they are that color. He’s always squinting.

His thumb wipes the tear that falls on your face and now more starts their way down from your eyelids. When another tear melts as his fingers fall further down your cheek with it, they reach the tip of your lips. He stays there for a moment, the rest of his hand holding your chin.

You look up at him, your eyes so doleful and wide. Daryl’s thumb rubs into your skin only slightly, never moving too far in except to the corners of your lips until you move your head for him. His thumb is sliding against the bottom of your lip now.

You want this to be a pure moment where you kiss him, or truly, where he finally kisses you, and it’s sweet, and tender, and he tells you that he loves you and that he sees how deeply you care for him.

Of course you would simply love for that to be how your first intimate moment with him would go.

But you haven’t eaten, and even as teary eyed as you are, you are furious, he’s so frustrating. You need more. This is not that moment.

As your heart races and your final tears begin to spill and dry, the tip of his thumb continues to brush against your open mouth and you can’t help that your tongue feels compelled to taste it.

Your chin raises as you take his finger in your mouth, letting it slide inside all the way and then you start licking and sucking, feeling the pad of his thumb move from the top of your mouth to your taste buds. It tastes like dirt, you won’t lie, but it’s his.

Daryl says nothing, he only looks on attentively, entranced. He never even suspected you would do something like this. He switches to his pointer finger and uses his thumb to tilt your head up further as you suck on his longer finger. It’s thick, but it’s filthy, you both need a shower, but you don’t care.

You hum lightly on his finger until you release it from your mouth, letting it slide out.

You lick the drool of your lips and he licks his fingers. It’s messy and dirty and you can hear the smacking sounds as he pops the two in his mouth, his eyes looking directly into yours now as he does it. It was only your spit and he wanted to taste it.

You plead, “Daryl please, will you just kiss me-”

And he finally does it. His big hands wrap around your neck and jaw, tilting your face so far upwards as he places his lips to yours with his open mouth. His kisses are immediately chaotic but deep, his wet lips feeling against yours as his tongue works its way inside your mouth.

Your hands wrap around the back sides of his shoulders and you move farther into him. Nothing matters now. You are finally getting to feel him on your lips. This is the man who you have loved since you’ve met him and he’s finally showing you he wants you.

You don’t even care that your group or a walker or a guy with a gun could show up at any point, the thought is terrifying still, but his hands are on your hips now and you’re dying to see if he’ll go lower, you’d probably let him do anything.

You feel his thumbs playing along your lower hip, flicking the start of your jeans as he continues to kiss you, his tongue sliding against yours.

You start to do the same to him, wondering if that will help. Looking up as your fingers linger over the button of his pants, you ask softly, “Is this okay?” He nods and you start to unbutton them, finding it hard to contain your excitement.

“But you don’t gotta-”

“I want to.” You interject. You’re a little embarrassed by how fast you say it, but you still go straight to unzipping his stare, making his jeans hang a bit lower on his hips.

You look up at him, as your hand slowly travels downward. Your hesitancy fades, you’re so desperate to finally touch him, to have this moment. You start palming him through his underwear. His hum is so sultry with its rasp you feel it in your cunt as it pulses. You almost moan when you hear his voice turn into a grunt as you continue and then into a whimper as you dip under the band and start to stroke him. You never thought Daryl would make a sound like that.

He feels so big, so nice and thick in your hand as you continue to pump him. Your thumb plays with the tip of his pre-cum, moving it up his long shaft. You wonder how he would feel inside— if he can even fit inside. The thought makes you pant as you continue to stroke him, continuing to look up at his face, watching his eyes close. You can’t believe you’re finally touching his cock and that you’re the one making him feel good, that he likes your hand around him.

His head rolls back only slightly and he allows you to keep going for a few more moments, and then it seems he’s finally ready. His movements are quick as he pushes you to the ground, kicking off his shoes and then taking off your own.

He takes off your shirt and your pants without thinking, and then he takes off his vest and starts to unbutton his own shirt. His moments slow when he reaches the bottom.

You see the tattoo on his chest peaking through, you know the ones that are on his back, you know what else is there as well. You’ve seen it once, he’s shown you. It was one of your first vulnerable moments together. He did it to make you feel less alone. You two always did that for each other.

“You don’t have to take it off,” you whispered him.

He kisses your lips slowly but shortly and takes it off anyway.

You remind yourself to be gentle if you put your hands on his back later, he looks slightly nervous, but then as he looks at you on the ground, eyes trailing over your body that is only in your underwear, his eyes grow darker as he asks:

“Can I do what I want?”

This makes everything stop. Your mouth is half open, your eyes are lustful, you nod slowly and it makes his dick twitch with how seductive it looks. You didn’t even mean for it to look that way, he’s just so fucking handsome and he just asked for permission to make you his, you can help but gaze at him in a trance. Of course you’d let him have it.

He starts rubbing your through your underwear, watching as your wetness seeps through instantly on the cloth when he touches you lower. He takes them off along with his pants and he leans himself against the nearest tree and pushes your back to his chest, moving one leg over his thigh. He spreads your legs wide and looks over your shoulder.

His hand trails over your pussy. His fingers are tentative as he starts slowly from the top until his finger finally slides over your hole at the bottom and then he pushes in a bit as he feels for the wetness.

Instantly you’re a mess and your wetness starts seeping out, making it easier for him to slide his fingers up and down.

It seems he can’t find where he wants to touch and his wet fingers go everywhere from your hole to the lips to your clit and back down.

“Higher,” you sigh, “please.”

He goes up a little bit starting to rub.

“Higher,” you whine, “mmm… mm- there!” He’s rubbing your clit now, pinching it. “Yes,”

After a little while, his hand travels lower again, now taking two of his fingers and pushing them inside your hole until he can’t anymore. He pushes them in and out of you harshly 5 times until he stops. Circling his fingers inside of you and using his other hand to push your legs further apart, exposing your cunt to the outside air, “If someone comes,” he says in your ear, “they’re going to see you coming first.”

His words turn both of you on even more, making you whine as you feel his hardened dick rub against the side of your ass.

He starts to pump his fingers in you more steadily. Your eyes trail your surroundings, wishing you had picked a more bushier part, you truly were exposed, but then his fingers start to curl as they dig inside you, finding a spongy sweet spot you didn’t even know you had, one Daryl didn’t even try to find, and it makes your eyes shut, your head resting itself back on one of his shoulders as your whine again.

Your hands come to the other side of his neck and chest and you hold on as he goes faster. Daryl allows your hand to make his head go forward so he can look at his fingers thrusting into yours, enjoying the sound of your sopping cunt. His voice is gruff as he groans at the sight, taking his fingers out of you to slap your pussy, twice, watching the wetness bounce, hearing you whimper before putting his fingers back in again.

You hear him make low unintelligible sounds in your ear as he continues to watch. He goes slower, intently looking at how his fingers disappear in you. He takes them out again, “Daryl-” you say sadly.

“Lay down.”

Your elbows are propped up now. He lines himself up with your entrance. His cock looks so fat as he stretches your tiny hole, making it bigger as he pushes in slowly.

The feeling of him going in inch by inch makes you gasp slowly, then it turns into a moan as he bottoms out. Your head falls back on the floor and your eyes close.

He stays there for a moment. Not doing anything, just looking at you, reeling in the sensation of your tight pussy around him.

Your eyes almost open as the wait becomes unbearable, “Are you going to- ah!”

He snaps into you, moving slightly out and back in, it’s a pounding motion. Your body shakes as he continues, going faster and faster. His hands go to the sides of your head as he grunts, looking at how your tits bounce as he continues to thrust.

He sees your head shake, your eyes scrunch, it’s all becoming too much. You’re wincing like it hurts.

He touches your face now, his movements becoming softer and your eyes relax as you look up at him. He comes down to you and kisses you deeply again, just like he did at the start. You allow his lips and tongue to take over completely and you just melt into him as he rocks his hips against yours, you feel so full.

“Would you kiss me like this when we find a new home?” You ask, letting go of his lips.

Daryl meets your eyes, if he could look into yours any deeper, he does. His tone is so low but his words are so sincere, “I’ll kiss you like this anywhere.”

You reach up to take his face in your hands, kissing him lightly, it’s something like clouds. “Would you kiss me like this too?”

He nods, “I’ll kiss you like that.” Looking down he adds, “any way you want.”

Daryl grinds into you again, rolling his hips. The pace slowly gets fast, but it feels more intimate this time. His forehead falls in yours and your back arches and you try to meet his movements.

Daryl started to pant, his sounds gruff until your cunt squeezed so tightly, quaking around one of his thrusts that it made him whimper and he says your name. His noises because inexpressible and your own follows afterwards, ultimately saying, “oh- Daryl- please-”

You’re almost there, you see the outlines of stars, the shine of them almost being filled in, you see the insides of your eyelids getting closer to reaching that glow of bright lights as your body is on the cusp of your climax until-

“Oh-” he laughs to himself quietly, putting his hands low on his hips as he turns only slightly. “Sorry,” Rick says. His smirk is so faint, his jaw even clenches to erase it, but you saw. Immediately when he spoke, your head shot in his direction.

Daryl quickly finds your shirt, putting it over your head and grabs your pants, helping you put them over your feet until you take over so he can put on his own shirt.

Through hooded eyes, Rick had to have seen Daryl’s dick swing as he got up, retrieving his pants and putting them back on as Daryl stared at him.

You look up at Daryl as you get up yourself. His eyes give no details of his surprise to Rick as he finishes buttoning up his shirt. Rick’s eyes are averted, you don’t know what he’s thinking about what he just saw except that he definitely saw it. Never more did you wish to have Daryl’s talent of impassivity, especially in such an exposing scene.

“Well,” Rick starts when you two are finally dressed, “Yeah, so Michonne, Carl, and Judith and I stayed on the roads, we kept walking until we found a car someone left near a tree. They were idiots for driving it in here, big branch fell on it, we got it off but it has a dent. Right when we got it to run we heard voices. Guessing it was their car. They were running from another group and then they started running faster to get us. Some of them took care of each other… we took care of the rest,” he pauses. “Anyway we drove back to rendezvous and found Carol. Carol’s looking for Glenn, Maggie, Rosita, Tara. Michonne and Carl are looking for the rest of the guys, and I- was looking for you two.”

“Hm,” Daryl’s voice is indifferent as he starts walking, “Let’s go.”

“Let’s go,” Rick agrees, his voice has a hint of the humor he’s trying to suppress as he chuckles once.

The two men walk together and you walk a few paces behind, still absolutely wordless.

After a few minutes, Daryl slows his pace, creating distance from him and Rick.

He looks back at you now, “You good?” He asks only loud enough for you to hear as he comes a bit closer, he takes your hand lightly, though he still walks in front of you. You simply nod, but your face is still flushed. “Okay,” he says softly before letting go.

“Are you?”

He shrugs, it’s so small, just as small as the closed mouth smile that faintly curls on his face. His answer makes you laugh a little. You liked that he was honest. You start walking with him now.

Rick is still up ahead, putting his hands in his pockets, facing neither of you as he finally speaks again, “It was a pretty heated moment we all had back there,” your eyes widen as he continues, “Before. When we separated, I mean. It was dumb. It’s good we took a break, but the fighting, that was stupid. We find a way together or not at all.” His words are firm, but there is a heavy doubt in his voice when he adds, “But we can’t keep going like this, we need to figure something out,” he sighs, shaking his head, “And for everyone to get over their damn attitudes. At least for the night. It’s getting late and we need to find shelter.”

Rick turns his head slightly to look at Daryl through the corner of his eyes, making sure there is enough space from him and you as he turns forward, unashamedly grinning to himself now, “Glad you two found a way of working it out though.”

[buttercandy16]

Mine to Covet

(Dark!ReverendMotherJessica x Female!Reader)

Word Count: 3.9K

Summary: An unfortunate fate where your lover's mother wants to have you all to herself, and she's willing to do anything.

Warning(s): Dark fanfiction, Smut, Yandere, Dub-Con, etc.

A/N: I do love my yandere. Another anon also asked for a yandere/kidnapping fic and I'll probably write that one next. Also, English is not my first language so please don't come after me due to my grammar. Enjoy!

Gimme me more requests!! Please!

-_-_-

JESSICA’S POV

As a Bene Gesserit, I possess supreme levels of discipline, including complete control over my emotions and urges. So how is it that I can feel my blood boil in anger and taste the bitterness of envy violate my tongue as I watch my own son woo the woman he claims as his? Why do I feel the strong urge to cut off his hand the moment it touched yours?

At first, I was confused by this foreign feeling, so I grew angry with myself. I didn’t understand what it was.

It first occurred when Paul, my only son, introduced you to me. A Fremen girl he has grown to fancy. I remembered how he gushed over you, clearly seeking his mother’s approval, my approval. But no words from his lips reached my interest for I had my focus solely on the divine creature presented to me. With a barely concealed amusement, I observed your fidgeting form battling the urge to look me straight in the eyes, it was clear to me that you were nervous, the reason may be from knowing that I am the Reverend Mother or maybe because it is I who birthed the Lisan al Gaib or simply because I am Paul’s mother, it mattered not to me. What mattered was the pleasant feeling that I get from your presence alone. Such a strange girl… However, my amusement ended swiftly when Paul held your hand in his. My breath hitched and my once relaxed hand turned to a fist as my vision started to bleed red.

What is happening to me?! Why do I feel this way?! I remembered muttering inside my head. I felt as if I was no longer in control of my own body. Fear clawed against my skin and with great haste, I silently spoke the litany of fear to calm myself. Careful not to expose the battle within to anyone present. Unfortunately, I find myself feeling the same way right now.

Not long after realization struck me like a ton of bricks. The dreadful realization that I simply covet you…the girl whom my son is in love with. I want you as much as he does… maybe even more so.

I blame my late Duke’s death for having these thoughts. Perhaps it is caused by the sudden loss of the man I loved that pushed me into having these strong urges towards you. Maybe I see him in you and I'm feeling lonely. Or maybe I’m just truly damaged and deranged that my head is now filled with such corrupted thoughts. I am desiring something or rather someone I can’t have.

But you will have her… she is yours… the voices in my head whisper.

“No, she’s with Paul… She belongs to my son,” I whisper back as I look at you longingly while hiding in the shadows.

She belongs to no one else but yours… Yours to love… yours to keep… yours to defile… yours to consume…

“Stop it… You have no idea what you’re saying. I cannot hurt Paul like that,” I weakly argue back as my eyes start to water with tears. I love my son dearly and because of that, I will fight hard against the voices… against my feelings. But deep inside I know I’m fighting a losing battle… I know that I have already lost.

_-_-_

Time passed and bit by bit my resolve crumbled and the thoughts of my son turned into nothing. Now, all I can think of is you… and the millions of other ways I can have you.

She is yours…

Claim her…

She is yours…

Claim her….

Eyes dark with lust and pure deranged obsession I look at you once more while hidden in the shadows as I whisper to myself, “She is mine and I will claim her.”

-_-_-

Y/N POV

"You're so beautiful, " Paul whispered in my ear, making me smile.

We've been sitting out here for some time now. Watching as the sun sets for the night.

"We better go inside, Paul. It's no longer safe to stay out at this hour"

Paul nodded in agreement before he pulled me up with him and we started to walk inside.

"Oh, I almost forgot. My mother wants to see you," I stopped when I heard what he said.

"Why?" I asked, trying to remain calm as much as possible.

Truth be told. Paul's mother, the Reverend Mother, scares me. She’s a Bene Gesserit, she walks in the shadows. No one truly knows what goes on in her mind. All I know is there’s something strong about her presence, but something that felt forbidden and so wrong. She is beautiful as much as she’s dangerous.

In simple terms, I don’t trust her.

"Don't worry, she just wants to talk," he gave me a reassuring smile before leaving me in front of the Reverend Mother's tent.

After taking a deep breath I made my presence known by going inside. My eyes wandered all over the unique decor of the Reverend Mother’s tent until it settled on the middle where there’s a small table with two cups filled with some kind of tea.

“Hello little one,” a sultry voice whispered suddenly into my ear, breaking me out of my thoughts and making me turn to see the Reverend Mother invading my personal space so sensually from behind.

“Forgive me, I didn’t mean to startle you,” she continued with a chuckle.

“No need to ask for forgiveness, Reverend Mother. You didn’t” I lied, trying to remain calm as I felt my cheeks heat up from our proximity. “Paul said that you asked to see me.”

“I did,” Her eyes were on me, filled with intent that I failed to decipher. She brushed her fingertips across my shoulder, causing goosebumps to run along my skin before she motioned for me to sit on the carpeted ground right next to the small table.

After I complied she walked towards me and immediately joined me by sitting close to my side, our clothed thighs lightly brushing against each other.

“Have some tea, I have it specially prepared for us,” she said while gesturing for me to take it, there's a challenging glint in her eyes, daring me to refuse.

With no intention to displease my lover’s mother, I complied and took a little sip. The moment it met my tongue I was surprised to find it very cooling.

“This is good”

“Yes, simple but very soothing. But, you must drink deeply for the full effect,” she said with amusement dripping from her voice.

Without any second thoughts, I did what I was told, and the Reverend Mother seemed satisfied with this as I can see it in her smile. Soon I was holding an empty cup. I had drained it and yet, I’m still thirsty.

“Would you like some more?” she asked.

“Y-yes, If it’s not much of a bother, Reverend Mother,” I replied, self-consciously rubbing the fabric over my hips.

“Not at all, and please... Call me Jessica” she replied, her eyes glinting with something dark as she carefully replenished my cup.

 “As you wish, Jessica. May I know why I'm being summoned?” I breathed, my heart pounding in my chest as our gazes met before I took a generous sip from my drink. There was something undeniably alluring about her, something that both scared and excited me.

The weight of her eyes on me feels invasive like she could see through my cracks and discover all of my weaknesses. She’s watching me as if I’m her prey.

“You must understand, Y/N, I’m a determined woman. Whenever I have an agenda I’ll make sure to do everything in my power to achieve it. Whatever means necessary.” She muttered, leaning in close to my ear. Her warm breath sent shivers down my spine.

“Did Paul touch you yet?” Her tone was casual with her sudden question, but her eyes were anything but. 

“Wh-what?,” I stuttered, feeling my cheeks flush not believing what I was hearing right now.

“Have you given yourself to my son, sexually?” she leaned in closer to me.

“Uh, n-no,” I stammered, my body trembling like a leaf.

“Are you being truthful with me?” she purred, her fingertips ghosting lightly along my exposed neck. It was such a simple yet surprisingly intimate gesture that it made me feel like the tent suddenly caught fire from how hot it was.

I shakily nodded while she only looked at me with satisfaction.

“Have you taken his gift of water yet? Or yours to him?” she asked, scooting closer. Her smell was intoxicating and it made my head spin.

“N-no…not yet. He wants to wait until we are to be married.”

The Reverend Mother snickered under her breath and continued. “I raised that boy and taught him everything I know so he’ll rise and fulfill his destiny one day. But now, I’m starting to have second thoughts. It seems to me he’s just as weak as his father. A beautiful morsel such as yourself standing so willingly at the palm of his hand and yet he never thought about fully claiming you as his. So sure that you’ll stay right where you are. I guess he never thought about someone stealing you away. Such a huge mistake on his part but a blessing for me.” she said with a wicked grin, her delicate fingers tracing slow circles on my forearm as if she were teasing me.

But before I could respond, I noticed that the tent was becoming increasingly warm. Worse, I was finding my body uncomfortably warm. My face was becoming flushed and I was panting. My suit was becoming very confining. How odd, I thought. I grew up wearing this suit, but now I desire nothing more than to get them off.

My eyes landed on my now empty cup next to the Reverend Mother’s. That’s when I realized that she’d never touched her cup, not even a single drop.

She followed my gaze to her cup before catching mine. Slightly tilting her head, she then smiled knowingly.

“I-I need to leave” I croaked back, fear creeping into my bones as alarm bells started ringing in my head. 

But when I was about to stand up, I was immediately met with a sudden dizziness making me sit back down ungracefully.

It felt like my innards were being replaced by some kind of emptiness. I tried to stand again, desperate to leave the tent. I swayed just for a moment before the Reverend Mother caught me and pushed me down with my back against the carpet, a soft gasp of surprise leaving my lips.

She didn’t waste any time as she got on top of me and pinned my hands above my head in a tight grip, sharp nails digging against my skin but not breaking.

The Reverend Mother’s face was close to mine as she intently stared into my fear-filled eyes.

“Oh, no little girl. You’re not going anywhere,” she whispered above me.

Her face was blank from any emotion, but her eyes said it all.

“Did you poison me?” I whimpered. Her grip on my wrist tightened more than before, making me yelp in pain as she cut off the circulation of my blood.

“Of course not, I would never harm you without reason. Only to ensure your utmost obedience. The tea is for making you more pliant, not to kill.” she purred, leaning in close enough that our lips almost brushed. Her warm breath mingled with mine.

“What do y-you want from me?” I stammered, my voice barely audible.

She smiled maliciously at me before she started speaking.

“Isn’t it obvious, dear one? I want you.” one of her hands left my wrist and slowly traced my face with her fingers before she continued, “From the moment we met I already felt a certain pull towards you. I didn’t fully realize what it was until much later. Deep down I know you feel the same. That’s the reason why you went with Paul so that you could be closer to me.”

She’s starting to sound and look very much deranged. To my complete horror, she seems to believe her words to be true.

No…This can’t be happening. Paul… I’m with Paul!

I shook my head no but that was not what she was looking for. I yelped in pain from the sudden sting of her slap against my now-reddened cheek.

“Do not lie to me.” Her tone was assertive as she spoke every word.

“I’m not.” I cried weakly.

Another slap and tears started to run down my cheeks.

She leaned down and her warm wet tongue immediately tasted my despair with delight written all over her face. 

“I don’t like hurting you. But know that I will when I deem it necessary. So you better give me the answer that I want, little girl. Don’t test my patience. Try again.”

I only shook my head once more, refusing to back down. This made her chuckle

”Such a stubborn girl. I’ll enjoy breaking and reshaping you into my good little girl.” she whispered next to my ear.

Is she for real? My mouth fell open as I struggled to say anything. Suddenly I heard footsteps outside the tent.

“Mother, is Y/N still with you?”

Hearing Paul’s voice almost made me tear up with joy thinking that this would all come to an end. But when I looked at the Reverend Mother it seemed like I was dead wrong. Instead of seeing a look of panic, she gave me a wicked grin.

“She is… come inside, my son. I want to show you something.”

Paul entered the tent and suddenly froze where he stood when his eyes landed on us. The woman he sires pinned underneath his own mother’s body.

“Wh-what is going on here?” Paul asked as he looked at us confused.

“Paul, help me, please. Your mother has lost her mind” I pleaded as he went closer.

“Mother! Get off her ri–”

“SILENCE!” Paul’s words were cut off as I saw his mouth shut in command. His eyes were immediately filled with betrayal and hurt when he realized that his mother used the voice on him. But his mother did not care at all, “Kneel and do not move” she commanded his son once more.

I looked at her as if she lost her mind. Perhaps she did.

“Oh don’t look at me like that, little one. For it is you who made me this way” she leaned over and planted a kiss on my cheek. I tried to jerk away but couldn’t. The kiss practically seared my skin like molten lava.

She pulled a dagger from under her robes and then turned towards his son, a slave to her command.

“You know very well that I love you, Paul. But unfortunately for you, my love for Y/N weighs more heavy. I won’t let you have her. She is mine…only mine. And you will watch as I claim her.” her attention then went back to me as she sliced through my stillsuit and garments beneath it. I am now completely naked to her eyes. 

My head turned to Paul and saw the same panic set in his eyes. We were both sobbing and fearful of what was to come.

She laughed maliciously and roughly gripped my chin to look at her.

“Open your mouth” my breath hitched as I felt her voice crawl its way into my head. Not a second passed and my mouth opened.

“Take the gift of my water and you shall become one with me. Take it and you will be mine…forever.” she whispered before spitting into my mouth, “Swallow” she commanded before her lips descended against mine.

Her kiss was violent, forcing her tongue past my gritted teeth.

The tongue quickly found its way around my mouth and explored every inch. In parallel to that, her hands moved around and groped my breast. She slightly massaged them and pinched the erected nipples. It was not that the events aroused me. It was the cold that made my body like that. 

The kiss ended after a while, me being out of the air while the older woman was looking crazier than before. She licked her lips another time before stripping her garments away. She moved and kneeled in front of my face, her warmth being right on top of my face. "Pleasure me, little one." She commanded using the voice commanding voice and I immediately complied.

"Yes!" She started to move her body up and down, making her juice splash on my face. "Now, get that tongue of yours at work, beautiful girl," She ordered and once again tightened the grip, forcing me to obey her order. 

I had to stick my tongue forward, forced to have a taste of the older woman. It was sweet and I couldn't stop myself from moaning from the taste of her. She also moaned at the feeling of my tongue inside her and moved faster until she cummed in my mouth. 

Just as I was about to let go of a sigh, my left leg was lifted, Jessica’s right leg sliding under it. "It is not the end yet! I still have a lot of things I want to teach your body." She pushed her hip forward, making our center meet. 

I can't help but admit that it started to feel so good, so good that I failed to notice that I was no longer under the influence of the voice.

She repeated to thrush several more times, bringing our center together and making them part, and then collide again. She started to moan once again as I did the same, her hands starting to play with my breast, enjoying every contact through my body. Until my first orgasm was ripped from me this evening, followed by the beautiful temptress who laid on top of me while catching her breath from her release. 

She looked down at me in complete amusement as I lay helplessly underneath her. 

Jessica kissed the tip of my nose before sliding her warm body over me. She then began to touch me once more, and that was when I started to squirm a little. She moved her arms around my body, rubbing it in a very erotic way. "So beautiful! I can't help but masturbate thinking about you every day. And now, you are finally mine." She put a hand on my knee and began to gently stroke my leg.

Oh no... please no more...

"P--please... I can't. It's too much" 

I struggled as I tried to pull myself away from her, but my body is still weak from the drugged tea and pleasure.

"Shhhh... I know you can. Just give me one more, little one. I just need to taste you." 

She settled herself in between my legs, parting them by force. 

She reached between my legs and pushed something. It's her finger against my clit, causing my back to arch. "Oh!" I gasped, head falling back. "Oh, oh—" 

Jessica cupped my left breast and mouthed at it, kissing and licking. I didn't know where to look but into her eyes, trying my best not to follow the sound of a silently sobbing man. 

I'm not sure what possessed me at the moment but I was suddenly desperate to taste her lips. 

"Kiss me," I begged. "Please..." 

And she did. Soft and sweet, holding me to her. Tugging my lip with her teeth and stroking my back, my butt. She took hold of my legs, cupping the underside of my knees. Bringing my legs around her waist, she rocked against me, teasing my lip with her tongue. 

I parted my lips for her, tasting her, sighing... Jolting when she tugged on my nipple. "Oh, ow, owie—, please don't—" 

I cried out with pleasure. This was so nice; it felt so good. 

She smiled at me. “You’ve got the prettiest pussy I’ve ever seen, my beloved,” she said, reaching to touch me, pulling back the hood of my clit so she could rub me with her thumb. I shivered. “Look at this tiny clit. So fucking adorable, and all mine…” 

She proceeded to slide down my body until she was face to face with my dripping warmth. 

I gasped when she started to lick me and felt my stomach twitch, surprised and excited at Reverend Mother’s eagerness to please me. I felt her tongue trace the outline of my lower lips and shuddered. A moment later, the older woman finally slid her tongue over my clit, and that's when I felt my walls clenching in a sudden spasm, screaming in pure pleasure for the second time. Due to the intensity, I blacked out.

-_-_-

A groan left my lips when I woke up, my body deliciously sore. 

Slightly stretching, that's when I realized that I was not alone.

To my left, Paul stood looking down at me. Tears stained his cheeks, eyes full of hatred.

“P-paul… I–”

“Silence! I don’t need your excuse. You and I are over” Paul spits his words with so much anger that it hurts.

“But Paul, it was your mother’s doing… I didn’t wa–”

“SILENCE”

The command surprised me into shock. Having the Reverend Mother use the voice on me seems to hurt less than having Paul do the same thing.

“You will not speak ill of the Reverend Mother. For she is the mother of your people’s chosen and now… your intended... for you two are fully bonded as one”

Paul’s words confused me greatly. Why would he say such a thing after everything his mother did in front of him? But my thoughts were then silenced when I saw a pair of hands rest on his shoulders. The Reverend Mother’s face appeared next to his.

“That’s enough, my son. I think my beloved has heard enough. You may take your leave” she calmly whispered.

Paul did what his mother asked but not before sparing me one last glance and whispered under his breath… I’m sorry… and now completely leaving me alone with a predator hungry for my flesh.

“What have you done to him?! Did you use your voice?!” I yelled accusingly, but she only laughed at this before kneeling beside my vulnerable form.

“No, Paul is simply being a good son. I raised him well, he knows to never go against my will. I brought him into this world and gave him his birthright, he owes me as much.” She smiled devilishly.

She looked down at me with a predatory grin before slowly tilting my chin with her finger to meet her eyes. 

It was so dark and full of lust that it felt like I was about to drown in it. 

"So here's what will happen from now on, you better listen carefully because everything that is attached to your existence will be at play if I don't get what I want, understood?" I weakly nodded, no longer having the will to fight back. 

"Good girl" Jessica praised before caressing my cheek. 

"You will surrender yourself to me and in time I know that you will so willingly. The more you take the gift of my water, the stronger our bond grows. In the meantime, you will be my obedient darling girl. Whatever I say, goes. Understood?" Her grip on my chin tightened, emphasizing how serious she was. 

"Ye-yes" I stuttered through gritted teeth. 

"If you behave like a good little girl for me, I will reward you with anything you desire, but if you disobey... You will learn that I won't go easy on my punishment. Since that's all settled then, time to quench my thirst." 

"W-with what?" I fearfully asked. 

The Reverend Mother smiled at me before leaning in close, her lips almost touching mine. 

"You."

[dark-frosted-heart]

Crown’s S Class Mission - Roger Barel (Bitter End)

As usual, can’t guarantee 100% accuracy on this.

Roger: Hold up. Not gonna let you kill my cute student. Now then, it’s time for Instructor Roger’s fun and exciting punishment.

Master of the estate: Oliver, shut that guy up!

Instructor Oliver: The one who needs to shut up is you.

Oliver grabbed the man and pinned him to the floor.

Master of the estate: *cough* Wha-what are you doing!

Instructor Oliver: I can’t lie to myself anymore. That’s all.

Roger: Capture everyone involved.

--

What awaited was an unimaginable scene.

Roger used rigorous muscle training to punish those involved.

When they were no longer able to stand, they were handed over to the police.

Kate: The Beauty Muscle Club has pretty much dissolved.

Roger: That’s good. And all the hospitalized women will be compensated.

Kate: While money won’t fix their situation…I hope it’ll help, even if just a little.

Oliver the instructor also came forward as one of the accomplices.

After atoning for his crimes, he planned on running his own sports gym.

He wanted to establish a place for women to work out together.

???: Um, excuse me…

Kate: Emilia…

Emilia’s wise gaze caught mine when I turned around. 

(...If she overheard us, she knows that she got deceived, doesn't she?)

(...What can I say to her—)

Emilia: Um, thank you so much!

Kate: Huh?

Emilia winked and smiled.

Emilia: I’ve faced a series of disappointments, but I can’t let that get me down.

Her strength revealed how much she had gone through in her life.

Kate: …I’ve also faced a series of disappointments. I could only think about how useless and pathetic I was. But I can’t stay depressed.

Emilia: I agree. I’ll see you around. Take care of yourself, Kate.

While I waved goodbye to Emilia, I noticed Roger’s gaze on me.

Kate: What is it?

Roger: Nothing. Just thinking about how you’re growing into a fine woman.

Kate: D-don’t praise me out of the blue. Besides, it’s not like you raised…

Roger: Yeah, yeah. Anyway, as a reward for growing up well, I’m taking you out somewhere nice.

--

Roger took me to a restaurant by Big Ben.

Roger: Been coming here ever since Ellis told me about it. Basically, everything here’s pretty good.

(...Roger brought me to such a nice restaurant)

Alarms bells started going off in my head.

Kate: …Are you’re going to make me do something again?

Roger: What do you take me for?

Roger stifled back a laugh and stared straight at me.

Roger: Don’t worry. There’s nothing behind the reward today.

Emma: …Reward?

Roger: I saw how hard you’ve been working…Good job.

(Ah…)

Hearing those words, it was clear that he brought me here as a reward.

Kate: Thank you…But, I don’t deserve it. I got too emotional to make rational decisions.

Roger: I suppose that’s true. But I would’ve slapped that guy myself if you didn’t. He deserved it. Getting angry for the sake of others is admirable.

Kate: …

Roger: Kate.

Kate: Yes?

Roger: You’re strong enough.

(What do I do…I’m going to cry)

Roger’s carrot and stick method always disturbed my heart.

If he did this on purpose, then he’s pretty evil.

Roger: Oh it’s here. The roast beef here’s delicious. Here.

The simple look on Roger’s face when he looked at the meat blew my sentiments away.

Kate: Hehe…It really does look delicious…

Roger: … Hey, Kate.

Kate: Yes?

Roger: Being strong doesn’t mean doing things alone. Being able to rely on someone’s also a strength. So you can rely on me.

After saying that, Roger took a huge bite out of the meat.

Roger: Mmm, yum. Come on, it’s getting cold.

Kate: O-okay. Mmm…Wow, it’s really good! It’s so juicy and tender. It’s amazing.

Roger: …o_o Hahaha! You’re as restless as ever. Remember to chew. My family’s corgi used to eat so fast that they’d choke. They look just like you.

Kate: There you go again comparing me to a dog!

Roger: All that barking’s the same too.

Kate: Ugh…

We argued like usual, but my heart felt warmer.

Roger’s words made me feel really happy…and I kept arguing with him so that he wouldn’t notice.

--

Some time later, I joined Jude and Ellis on another mission.

Ellis: Kate, you’ve been moving pretty smoothly.

Kate: Thank you. I’ve been doing strength training.

Jude: Ya still lookin’ pretty soft.

Kate: I-I’m planning on gaining muscle!

Ellis: Good luck, I’ll be cheering you on.

Ellis smiled and put his lips close to my ear.

Kate: Ellis…?

Ellis: Kate, Roger’s going to be in the lounge tonight.

Kate: Huh?

Ellis: You want to report your hard work and get praised, don’t you?

Ellis smiled gently at my surprise.

(I didn’t say that…)

Ellis: Or do you want to go out to dinner?

Kate: I’m heading back. I…have things to do in the castle.

I wonder how Roger will react when I tell him how I did today.

I definitely didn’t want him to know that I was walking a little faster than usual.

[m1d-45]

Literally a lurker on your blog since ur early days but too shy to slide into ur ask box, hiii!!! I keep seeing cryo anon and teddy anon's brainrots and asks,,,, and like, regarding post impostor AU hehe

imagine after the hunt when your fave character/vessel begs you for forgiveness the most, practically turning their voice hoarse from their pleas to share just a bit of your mercy....

(you never showed your face to them, even when they were your most favored. how selfish of them, wanting more than they could ever deserve. but they can't help it. if you wanted them to die a thousand times over to repent, they would. just please, look at them again.)

post imposter au always tickles an itch in my brain I've never known existed. angry creator? boiling hot rage creator for their acolytes killing them when they've shown nothing but love and kindness for this world?? SIGN ME THE FUCK UP LORD

I wanna see guilt. And I mean GUILT. it's probably cause I'm petty asf and if I would be killed over and over and over again only for them to realize I'm not the fake I would literally lock myself up in whatever tower they built for me and never talk again. Creator's trust? Shattered, irreparable. Followers? Wallowing in the despair.

Thank u and goodbye heh. If it's not too much, can I be called Marcotte anon? Hehe fontaine reference hhhh,, anyways have a good day ily and ur fics <3

post-hunt can be incredibly good, entirely agree

the love you felt for the world is so strong already, and it only grows as you finally get to teyvat. being here, feeling the elemental energy, feeling the world greet you as you return after your rest.. what hate is more powerful than a love turned rotten?

you hid behind your veil, uncertain if you’re protecting yourself or them. it hurts to see their eyes tearing up as they plead, but what else are you to do? your hands shake when they draw close, and you can’t erase your own memory.

(you’d know. you asked nahida about it, but she’d only shaken her head. all she could do was clear the memories of teyvat, but not yours. it hurt, but was probably for the best.)

(despite it being a failure, that day was the calmest you’d felt in weeks. she was easy to talk to, and made lovely tea. perhaps you should visit again, if only to take a break from… everything.)

your solitude is comfortable, most of the time. a few of the hunters are a bit too comfortable with their sin, and are the ones tasked with bringing you food and other necessities. it’s not much better, though, since you can still see the guilt sinking in their eyes.

it’s a lose-lose all around. you want to see them, you want to see the world, but every leaf and branch is stained with the memories of the past, what used to be your favorite retreat now something else to hide from.

part of you is angry. furious at how easily they were tricked. it’s hard to stay mad at those you love, though, so you end up sitting in your window and watching the wind blow safely behind glass. your tea is from inazuma, this time, the faint edge of bitterness keeping you from sinking too far into much of anything.

leaves dance in the breeze. you won’t be seen again until they’ve long turned brown.

[solomams]

Flu Game But It's Nightbringer MC

Hi guys. This has been rotating in my head for months and I finally got around to writing it. I listened to Flu Game by Fall Out Boy a little too hard and here I am. 

The entire song reminds me of my MC Paula’s journey as she’s flung into the past during Nightbringer, and the strain it puts on her, and in turn her relationship with Mammon and Solomon.

*Minor spoilers here and there if you haven’t played Nightbringer.

I guess to you now, I'm just a face in the crowd

When Paula looks at Mammon, she doesn’t get the same look of love she’s used to. Now that she’s in the past, Mammon looks at her with an empty gaze. She’s their demon attendant and nothing more. To him, she’s a stranger and his family comes first.

Oh, God, kindly please, would you kill me now?

She’s bitter and angry that she was put in this situation. She’s being sarcastic when she says this. The first night in the past when it finally sinks in, she’s kneeling on the floor as the demon disguise slips away, and she curls into a ball. She’s begging for this to end and to wake up from what feels like a bad dream.  

Late at night in my room, lie awake, think of you

And all your little dooms

When she gets in bed, she has trouble getting to sleep and stares at the ceiling. She replays every part of the day in her head. Every time she almost reached for Mammon, or wanted to reference a joke that hasn’t technically happened yet. Her bed feels empty without her two boyfriends.

Yet she doesn’t seek out comfort from Solomon. Instead she avoids him in the beginning and sleeps in her own room. She’s terrified but doesn’t know how to ask for support. All she wants is for things to go back to normal. And Solomon is trying hard to let her work through things on her own without pressuring her. 

Last night I dreamt I still knew you

You

When she finally manages to sleep, she dreams about the present. She dreams about her Mammon. And this is Mammon, it’s still him, and she will love him in every universe. But it’s not the same. 

She dreams about the date they had planned that Friday. She dreams about their upcoming anniversary. She dreams about the movie night she had planned with the two of them. All she can do is dream, and wipe away the dried tears when she wakes up.

I carved out a place in this world for two

But it's empty without you

She is afraid of being vulnerable and afraid of commitment. It took her so long to let Mammon in, and then Solomon as well. She carved out a place in her heart for the two of them, but now it’s half empty without her second lover. 

The fears she got over and worked through, all to lose one of them. She doesn’t feel complete. She’s scared. What if they never make it back to the present? She was always terrified of losing one of them, but never like this.

I got all this love I've got to keep to myself

All this effort to make it look effortless

All this love I've got to keep to myself

All this effort to make it look effortless

Second nature and instincts that she has to tamp down and bury under a heavy heart. Every time she goes to reach for Mammon and has to snatch her hand back. The stiffness she was met with instead of the blush she was so accustomed to when she forgot herself. It almost broke her inside.

But she is their attendant and nothing more. She must play this part, and she must play it well. She has to hold it together. She has to get back to the present.

Confront all the pain like a gift under the tree

The pain and inner struggle are there waiting for her, and she knows this. She can’t keep avoiding them, or Solomon. She can’t keep throwing herself into her duties. She’s going to break. Eventually it will become too much.

Oh, please, I can't be who you need me to be

I grind in the sunshine, grind in the rain

So real that I feel fake

And it does. She makes it two steps into the house, barely managing to close the door behind her before she collapses to the ground. Through tears and with shaky hands she texts Solomon. 

And he comes. He always will. He holds her as she cries, sobbing against his chest that she can’t take this, It hurts too much seeing the one she loved- loves- look at her like she means nothing. This persona is not who she is. She can’t do this.

She wants to wake up from this bad dream, pretend it’s fake and put it all behind her.

Solomon holds her for what feels like hours. They don’t move. He doesn’t complain. She doesn’t hold back her tears, and clings to him like a lifeline, because he is the only familiar thing in this world. 

Last night I dreamt I still knew you

You

I carved out a placе in this world for two

But it's empty without you

And when her sobs turn into sniffles, when she is no longer babbling apologies and has fallen quiet, he picks her up. 

He lays with her and wipes her tears. He whispers that it will be okay. Tells her that they’ll find a way back to their Mammon- together.

They hold each other, tighter than they ever have before. And they dream of Mammon. 

I got all this love I've got to keep to myself

All this effort to make it look effortless

Got all this love I've got to keep to myself

All this effort to make it look effortless

An attendant wouldn’t know Mammon’s favorite drink or his favorite snack, when he’s never told them that information. An attendant wouldn’t reach for his hand as they approached a cemetary. She shouldn’t know of a fear that has yet to manifest itself. An attendant wouldn’t have kissed him. 

One day, every candle's gotta run out of wax

One day, no one will remember me when they look back

I can't stop, can't stop 'til we catch all your ears, though

Somewhere between Mike Tyson and Van Gogh, oh, oh

Being sent to the past only brings back past fears she thought she worked through. Her candle burns bright, and burns faster than she’d like. Faster than either of her partners. 

Realizations of how much life they have lived, and hers has only begun. One day, her candle will run out of wax, and she will be nothing more than a memory. 

She questions how long they would remember her for. Her heart stutters in her chest at the thought. She ignores the way her hands begin to tremble, clasping them behind her back. She shakes the thought away. 

You

You

I carved out a place in this world for two

But it's empty without you

The days don’t get easier, but Paula and Solomon have each other. They make sure to be there for each other, and try to live life as normally as possible.

Neither of them mention the third place setting at their dinner table, always prepared but never touched. 

Neither of them mention how there’s always a space left against the wall, as they cling to each other in a bed that feels foreign. 

And when Paula finds Solomon sitting on the couch, up late and reading a novel. Worried words falling from his lips. She mentions nothing. Only calls his name. 

“I’m sorry I haven’t come to bed. Mammon is usually back by now when he’s working. And if he’s working late or caught up, he makes sure to let us know. I have to admit, I’m worried-“

”Solomon…”

Neither of them mention how Paula’s voice cracks. Neither of them mention how Solomon’s face falls with the realization.

”…Right. I forgot… Let’s- Let’s go to bed then…”

I got all this love I've got to keep to myself

All this effort to make it look effortless

Got all this love I've got to keep to myself, myself, oh

All this effort to make it look effortless (All this effort to make it look effortless)

Because why would an attendant go through this much trouble for demons she hasn’t known that long? An attendant would not stare with longing for the people she works for, that’s reserved for family. An attendant would not have to stop themselves mid step from scooping up a creature with curled horns, one they should not be familiar with in this time, a name dying on their tongue. 

All this effort to make it look effortless (All this effort to make it look effortless), oh, oh, oh

All this effort to make it look effortless (All this effort to make it look effortless), yeah, hoo

In this world, she is not Paula the Sorcerer, the human who made a pact with the seven demon lords, and a member of the RAD Student Council. In this world, she is Paula, a demon and attendant to the newly titled demon lords. 

That’s all she is. And that’s all she will be. 

[thegreatcaptainusopp]

Equivalent Exchange

Ao3 link

Summary: Usopp hears the news about the Merry. Instead of getting angry, he gets quiet. It doesn’t get better. Water 7 AU

“The Going Merry can’t be repaired any further.”

Time slows down.

Usopp feels himself breathe in slow motion (one-two-one-two) as the crew turn as one in his direction, waiting to see how he reacts. He sits with the feeling, letting it grow and fester, sensing the tension and fear ratchet up amongst the rest of them. Sees Luffy’s face, pulled taut and as serious as he’s ever seen it.

The anger grows.

But-

You’re lying, he shouts, struggling against the large hands holding him. You’re lying! You gave up!

That won’t work. He needs to save Merry. He needs to find something that works. And he’s not going to be able to do that if he gives in to the anger. It’s not what she needs.

We did everything we could. Sometimes, there’s nothing you can do.

“Okay,” Usopp says, tone as flat as he can make it. “Okay. How can we be sure? Who told you this? Can we trust their opinion?”

Nami’s face screws up. “Usopp…” She says softly.

He doesn’t look her way.

“Experts,” Luffy responds. He’s giving him a look Usopp has never seen on Luffy before: a mix of weary and nervous. “Guys who know what they’re talking about. There’s too much damage.”

“Have you gotten a second opinion?” Usopp asks. “That’s what people do, you know. They get second opinions, when it’s something this serious. Have we done that?”

Luffy’s eyes tighten. Ooops. That was probably too bitter.

Whatever. They want him to be okay with getting rid of Merry? They’ll survive a little bitterness.

“Usopp,” Sanji steps in now. “They gave us an explanation. They said that she’s too damaged, end of story. She can’t continue, she’ll literally break apart.”

“Okay,” Usopp says. “I heard that part. What specifically, though? What exactly is wrong with the Merry and why can’t they fix it?”

He sees Sanji throw a glance back at Nami, who takes a careful step forward herself. Luffy stays where he is, pinning Usopp with a hard, staring look. “Usopp,” Nami says, voice stuttering out in uncertainty. “It’s to do with the keel. It’s broken, which means the ship is unfixable. It’s done.”

Usopp breathes in, then out again. He looks down at his knees. “The keel,” He repeats, head spinning.

It’s in her blood…there’s nothing we can do now.

He grits his teeth. “Did we ask someone else?” He asks. “I get…I get these are experts. But we need that second opinion I mentioned, right? Right?”

Usopp lifts his head up and almost flinches back: Luffy had moved, unheard, in the time that he hadn’t been looking, and is now standing almost right in front of him. His arms are crossed, and his stare is just as piercing, but less sharp. “I made the choice,” Luffy says firmly, but not sternly. “She can’t keep going. And we can’t hurt her, or ourselves, by making her do it.”

You know…she’s at peace now. It’s alright.

Usopp feels the heat of angry determination crawl up his neck and settle on his cheeks. No, he says, past and present. No.

How does he fight against this final decision? Luffy won’t budge, he knows that, and nobody else seems like they’re going to help…

It’s your turn, Usopp realizes. You need to make the sacrifice. That’s the only way this is going to work.

Usopp shifts, uncrossing his legs, rising up to his knees. “I understand,” He says, steeling himself. It’s not about you. “But-”

And, before he can talk himself out of it, he leans forward, head touching the ground. The wood is cool, but it burns across his forehead.

He feels rather than hears the chorus of gasps, of sharp inhales, that echo through the crew. “Please,” He says, cursing the wobble at his voice at the word. “Give me some time. I’ll find a second opinion, I’ll give the Merry a second chance. You won’t have to do a thing, I’ll take care of all of it myself. Just. Give me time. Let me try this. Please.”

The silence is the loudest thing he’s ever heard. Faint tremors run up his arms, through his aching knees. The wood below his forehead burns hotter.

It’s his last play. Please, he echoes, inside this time. Please.

“Okay.”

Usopp’s head jerks off the floor, gaze immediately landing on his captain. Luffy’s face has changed entirely: eyes wide, head cocked to the side, voice soft. “Okay, Usopp. But I can’t give you a lot. We need to get out there, keep going. So. Two days. And then, come and tell me, okay? If you’ve succeeded or not.”

Usopp leaps up to his feet so quickly that stars dance against his vision. “Thank you!” He gasps out, and turns to run out the room. He doesn’t have much time. “I’ll be back soon.”

He doesn’t look at anyone else’s faces. He doesn’t want to know how they’re looking back at him.

-

Usopp runs into the night.

He doesn’t have a destination, at first—he just goes, blood pumping, lungs burning, gasping out for breath. He doesn’t know how long it takes before he can’t go any longer, and stumbles to a stop, leaning against a wall so he doesn’t collapse to the ground. His body hurts so badly.

He puts his face in his hands. What am I gonna do?

He’s the Merry’s last chance. He can’t afford to stand here, doing nothing. He has to make this work.

Usopp pushes himself off the wall, looking around to try to get his bearings. “Plan,” He mutters to himself. “Plan, I need a plan…”

Okay. Step one: get a second opinion. Should be easy, right? In this city of shipbuilders, surely someone will be able to help him figure this out, even at this time of night? All he has to do is approach a shopfront and—

Oh. No money.

Usopp looks at the bustling city, deep in thought. He doesn’t have any money, so he’s not going to be able to hire anybody to take a look at the Merry. That’s…that’s a problem. A big problem.

And whose fault is that? Echoes in his head. Who’s the idiot who lost the money?

Usopp shakes the thought away. No money, so he’s going to have to get some. And to get some…he knows some tricks, some street magic, but that’s not going to get more than a few berry and not nearly enough to afford a shipbuilding consult, let alone a repair team…

He doesn’t know the city well enough to know where else to go to make some quick cash. So, solutions. What else? What else can he do?

She needs medicine, and you need to give her the right foods, but it’s going to cost you…

Usopp feels his heart start racing again, so he just moves, hoping the walk will give him some balance. If not money, he’s gonna have to see if he can get someone who can help him for free. But who would do that, and why? They don’t know anyone here, and nobody owes them anything—

At this, Usopp stutters to a complete stop, eyes widening. Oh.

Well. That isn’t quite true, is it?

He looks around. What was once a foreign place is starting to look familiar, store fronts and docks look recognizable, and he realizes he’s been here before. His body had naturally led him to a direction he’d already been, giving him a plan before he’d even realized it.

This is stupid, he thinks, vaguely hysterical, as the plan solidifies in his head. This is so so stupid. I’m gonna get myself killed.

It’s for Merry. It’s for a crewmate. At this scale? It’s going to take a sacrifice to make sure she gets better, and he’s the only one who’s willing to do it. And, well. He’s responsible too, and he needs to make sure he fixes his mistakes.

Soul for a soul, he thinks, looking out at the crowd, past the people, out into the distance. Equivalent exchange.

And, only shaking a little bit, he goes forward.

-

Usopp hits his first roadblock rather quickly.

Where there used to be a large building, constructed haphazardly but solidly, is now a pile of debris. The place has been razed to the ground, bits and pieces scattered everywhere, unrecognizable. There’s a crowd standing around, but it’s starting to thin, the novelty of the sight clearly starting to wear off. It’s a recent enough event to draw onlookers, but not new enough to keep them.

Usopp just stares. This…this is…

Why didn’t they tell him? Why…?

Well. They didn’t really have time to bring it up, but still.

Because there’s only one reason that the Franky family’s hideout has been reduced to rubble in the matter of a few hours. There’s only one group of people that could’ve done that and would’ve had a reason to do that between then and now.

He feels tears prick at his eyes. For me?

So they get it. They have to, having done this. So why couldn’t they wait for Merry? Why, when given the option, would they fight for him but not for her? He isn’t even the one that carries them all day, every day!

He shakes his head. He doesn’t have time for this. And, while grateful that his crew would go to these lengths for him, it’s going to make everything a lot more complicated.

Usopp doesn’t have another choice, though. And so he goes forward, pushing through the crowd, looking for a familiar face, until-

Ah.

A large man with an unbuttoned red shirt and blue hair is standing despondently at the edges of the debris. He stares at the mess, arms at his sides, shoulders and head bowed.

Not the best time, but well. He doesn’t have a choice.

Gritting his teeth, Usopp makes his final push, stumbling out the edge of the almost-dispersed crowd into the debris proper. He makes his approach, darting his eyes left and right to check if anyone else from the group is still there, but there are no familiar faces.

“Hey,” He says, voice emerging more quietly than he’d anticipated. The man doesn’t turn.

Usopp clears his throat. “Hey!” He says, louder now.

This time, the man whirls around, coming face to face with Usopp. He looks up (and up and up) at the man, nerves rising at his sheer size.

The man frowns over his sunglasses. “Who’re you?” He asks, staring at Usopp. “You look familiar, have we-?”

He looks toward Usopp’s body, taking in the bandages and the swelling and the injuries, and then back up to settle on his face. The man’s eyes go wide. “You?”

Usopp crosses his arms. “Me,” He says. “Look, before you say anything…”

“What are you doing here?” The man says, seemingly baffled. “Isn’t it enough that your friends did…this?” And here, he gestures to the ruins around him. “Why are you back here? And alone? Are you stupid?”

This is very much not where Usopp expected this conversation to go. “No!” He says, slightly offended. “Just listen, okay? I’m here to—”

“If it’s the money you want, it’s gone,” The man interrupts him. “There’s nothing here for you now. Look, there’s nothing I want more right now than to get revenge for what happened here but frankly I don’t have the energy to start a war with your crazy friends at the moment. Just leave, and I’ll forget you ever came.”

“No,” Usopp says, feeling the opportunity start to slip from his fingertips. “No, it’s nothing like that. Just listen to me, okay? Please.”

The man almost seems to do a double take. “What?” He asks. “What do you want?”

He’s listening, Usopp thinks, almost awed. “Are you a shipwright?” He asks. “And are you any good?”

“Am I—” The man’s eyebrows shoot up into his blue hair. “Of course I am! And am I good?” He puffs his chest out, strangely silly for his general demeanor. “I’m the best.”

That’s exactly what Usopp had wanted to hear. “Excellent,” He says. “Okay. I want to hire you, then. For a shipwright job.”

The man stares at him for a beat, then another. Usopp’s nerves rise, but before he can open his mouth again, the man throws back his head and laughs.

“You want to what?” The man asks, bellowing laughter echoing across the debris. “What, you’re gonna give me the rest of your money? After everything that happened here?”

“Well,” Usopp says, trying not to fidget anxiously. “Not really. You’ve already been paid. That money you took? Advance payment for this job. You do this, we’re all good.”

The man’s laughing cut off abruptly. “Oh?” He asks, amusement slowly fading out of his voice. “You don’t think that this,” He gestures at the ruins around him. “was revenge enough for that money? I’d say we got paid back for that, and in spades.”

“No,” Usopp says, crossing his arms and wincing as they press into his wounds. “Your house was payback for this,” and he gestures towards his injured body. “The money was for a job. You guys broke me so you got something broken back. You got money? You owe me a job for that. Just a job. And then you’ll be good to go.”

“I owe you?” And here the man’s voice turns dangerous, and Usopp swears internally. He’s losing him. “Look around you and tell me if I owe you. In fact, tell me why I don’t owe you another beat down right now, and I might let you go this time.”

Shit. Well, he’s in it now, so he might as well go for it. Merry, he thinks, and that’s enough to keep him from running.

“Look,” Usopp says. “Let’s look at this logically, okay? It makes sense. Hurt for hurt, right? You hurt me, they hurt you. We paid you, you pay us in work. It just makes sense. And, you’re right, I get it. Is this the smartest thing to do? Probably not. And the fact that I could only think to come here for help means that I really need it.”

The man backs down, but still looks confused. “Yeah,” he says. “What could possibly have led you back here like this? What’s the job?”

“Our ship,” Usopp says, barely holding back from pleading. “She’s a great ship. Carried my crew and I a long way, and really well too. She’s protected us for so long, and she needs some protecting back. Someone told us she was unfixable, and I need to make sure we try everything. That’s the job. Will you take a look?”

The man scratches his head. “Well,” He says. “Sounds like a super ship, but I have to be honest with you here. All of this damage? It costs way more than what I took from you. In so many ways. It’s not gonna cover a look at your ship. If you want that, too? It’s gonna cost you an arm and a leg, at the very least.”

Usopp’s head spins. “Look,” He says, “I don’t have—”

“Then we’re done,” The man says, crossing his arms. “I’ll let you leave, but I don’t want to see you around here again.”

No. This is his only shot, he can’t do anything else…

An arm and a leg, huh?

Usopp takes a breath, then another. Sacrifice, he thinks. The sacrifice has to match the outcome. Equivalent exchange.

He said he’d do anything, right?

“Okay,” Usopp says. “Fine.”

“Fine what?” The man asks, frowning. “You leaving?”

“No,” Usopp says. He carefully orients himself, then lowers himself to sit on the ground, amongst the rubble. “Arm and a leg, right? Okay. Let’s do it. You want both? I said okay.”

The man actually takes a step back. “What?” He asks, disbelief in his voice. “What do you mean?”

“I don’t have money,” Usopp says, and his body is shaking now. “But I have an arm and a leg. If you want that, go ahead. You can take them right now. But you have to look at my ship after that. And I mean right after. I don’t have time. You’re my only shot, or we have to leave her behind. I was only given two days to make this happen.”

“You’re crazy,” the man says, shaking his head. “What do you mean? You want me to saw off your limbs for this ship? Are you serious?”

“I’m serious,” Usopp says. He holds out a trembling arm. “Come on. You have an axe or whatever? You gonna do this here?”

“No,” the man says, stepping back. “You’re serious. I’m not taking those, kid! It’s a figure of speech. I’m not cutting you into pieces, why would I do that? No way!”

Usopp shrugs. “I know,” He says. “But this is what I have. And if that’s going to convince you—”

He cuts himself off as the man wraps a large hand around his raised arm. “No!” He says, and pulls Usopp to his feet. “Stand up, kid. Holy shit. Fine, you’ve convinced me. I get it. Just…okay, fine. Take me to this ship, okay? I want to see what could’ve caused you to do this.”

Usopp blinks up at him. “Really?”

“Yes,” the man says almost exasperated. He pushes Usopp forward. “Come on, let’s go. Before I change my mind.”

Usopp’s mind spins. He feels vaguely nauseated. “Thank you,” Is all he can think to say, stumbling forward. “Thank you.”

“Don’t…well. Don’t mention it seems crazy for this situation.” The man says, following after him. “But, what the hell. I like crazy. I’m Franky, by the way. Nice to…meet you? Again?”

Usopp can’t help but let out a crazed giggle. “Franky,” He repeats. “Hi. I’m Usopp.”

-

The walk back to the Merry is…strange.

Usopp is riding the high of a successful plan, and the adrenaline of almost losing a couple of limbs (oh my god why did I do that oh my god I might have just saved Merry) and so finds that the first part of their journey passes in a blur of repeating street corners and crowds. As the adrenaline fades, though, and the aching in his body returns tenfold, his fear grows. What if this Franky decides to ditch halfway through the trip back? He can’t have that.

He slows down a little to make sure he’s level with the shipwright. “Hey,” He says, trying to ignore the pain in his body. “So. The Merry’s main problem is the keel, just so you know. It’s damaged.”

Franky frowns. “I see,” He says. “That’s a rough one, but I won’t be able to give you an answer til I see it. The keel, huh? Your Merry’s been through some things, I can tell.”

Usopp can’t help the wobbly smile that crosses his face. “She has,” He says. “You won’t believe everything she’s been through, it’s amazing.”

“Yeah?” Franky says. “Like what?”

And once Usopp starts, he doesn’t stop. He ends up monopolizing the rest of the walk back, tripping over his words, explaining every step of their journey with the Merry thus far in every detail she deserves. He doesn’t feel the rest of the time pass until he blinks and realizes he’s looking at the ship herself, and the familiar, comforting sight of her figurehead.

“That’s her,” Usopp says, pointing in her direction. His voice is raspy from all the talking. “That’s the Merry.”

He looks anxiously to the side, suddenly worried if he’s scared off the ship’s last hope. But Franky is still there, and he doesn’t look annoyed or irritated. Just…ready.

“Huh,” And here, Franky, lifts the sunglasses from his face, meeting the figurehead’s gaze directly. “Nice to meet you, Merry. Let’s see what we can get done here.”

Usopp takes a shallow breath. The aches in his body hit him all at once, and all he wants to do is sit down. But he can’t. “Okay,” He says. “Follow me, I’ll show you where the damage is.”

He leads Franky around the side, noting the quiet darkness of the ship. The rest of the crew are either wandering the city, or are asleep inside the ship. Either way, it shouldn’t be a bother for them if they—

He stops abruptly.

There, reclining on the mast’s base, arms behind his head and legs crossed, is Zoro. He’s usually napping like this, but he isn’t now. Instead, his eyes are open, glinting in the city light. His stare is locked unblinkingly on the two of them, Usopp and Franky, and he stays completely still.

Strangely, illogically, Usopp feels a chill of fear run up his spine.

“Zoro,” He stutters. “Hi. I, um, I just brought,” He points behind him, finger shaking. “He’s going to give us a second opinion on the ship.”

He doesn’t think Zoro recognizes who Franky is (and he won’t say his name, just in case), but he still holds his breath. The fear only grows as Zoro uncrosses his legs and sits up in one fluid motion.

Zoro’s eyes dart from Usopp to the man behind him and stay there. “Hm,” He says. “You sure found someone quick.”

Usopp’s laughter sounds nervous even to his own ears. “Yeah,” He says, scratching the back of his head. “Well, you know. We’re in shipwright territory, so. That worked out for us.”

He tries not to quail back as Zoro’s eyes leave Franky to rest back on him. His eyes narrow as he frowns, examining him further. “Everything good?” He asks.

“Yes!” Usopp answers too abruptly, too quickly. “Yeah. We’ll just. We’ll just take a look now, okay? Be back in a bit.”

He takes off, rounding the corner and around the dock area to the ship’s other side. The adrenaline has kicked back in, the pain in his body a forgotten memory.

He breathes out as he leaves Zoro’s sight, Franky close behind him. “What was that?” Franky asks, soon as they’re out of earshot. “What’s going on there?”

Usopp tries to slow his breathing. “Nothing,” He snaps. “That’s my crewmate. He doesn’t know who you are so we better keep it that way. To keep the peace.”

“Fair enough,” Franky says. “But was that all? You seemed…I don’t know. I saw the shit get beaten out of you and you were less scared than you were just then.”

Usopp does not want to talk about this. He can barely even begin to explain it himself. “No I wasn’t,” He says, then points to the ship. “Anyway. Here we go. What do you think? What can be done?”

Franky fixes him a look, but doesn’t comment. “Alright,” He says, taking off his sunglasses and placing them on the ground. “Keel, you said?”

“Yeah,” Usopp replies, as Franky sheds his open shirt next to the glasses. “It should be near the—”

He’s interrupted by a splash as Franky jumps right into the water, droplets landing on his face and clothing as the man sinks below the surface. “Showoff,” He mutters, carefully gathering himself before dropping to the ground, cross legged.

Waiting is always the worst part, so he tries not the think about it, tapping his fingers against his knee, trying to establish a rhythm…

How long? Well, you’re going to have to wait a little longer. You know how these things go. We can’t give you a clear answer on her condition until-

Usopp shakes his head, trying to force all thoughts from his head. He counts backward from a 1000 in threes, 1000, 997, 994, 991…

His concentration is disrupted when a a splash sounds from below, Franky bursting out the water in a single movement. He’s silent, swimming up to haul himself back to the dock, which causes Usopp’s skin to break out goosebumps. Not good…

Franky plants himself next to Usopp. “There’s no easy way to say this,” He begins.

There’s no easy way to say this,

“…but she’s dead.”

But she’s dying.

Usopp freezes. “What do you mean?” He asks, heart pounding.

“Just that,” Franky says grimly, wiping the water off his torso with his wet hand. “Whoever you got to look at the ship before was right. It’s a miracle she got you this far, honestly. There’s damage, and then there’s this. I’m sorry to tell you this, but she’s gone. Even I can’t fix her, and I’m the best there is.”

Usopp screws his eyes shut, pinching the bridge of his nose with his fingers. Pull yourself together. He chants. Pull yourself together.

“Okay,” Usopp rasps, wobbling back up to his feet. “Fine. Thanks for coming to take a look. I’ll just…do you know anyone else I can ask? Just, for, you know. A second opinion?”

“Thought that was me,” Franky says, standing up with him. He tugs his shirt back on.

“Third opinion, then,” Usopp says, turning to make his way back. “Til I find someone who can help. I don’t have much time, so sorry I can’t say a proper bye or anything, I’ll just—”

“Didn’t you hear me?” Franky blocks his path, then slides his sunglasses back into place. “Nobody’s going to be able to fix this, she’s gone. Best you can do is give her a graceful exit.”

End of life care is all you have available right now…

Usopp grits his teeth. “I have two days,” He says. “I’m going to do everything I can in those two days. I’m not giving up on her.”

“This isn’t helping her,” Franky says, unmoving. “You said she carried you all the way here, right? It’s your turn to carry her out. If you don’t, she will break and take you with her. How do you think she’ll feel if that happens? Let her go.”

“Who says?” Usopp says, and, oh, there’s the anger again. “You? Them? We don’t know for sure, not til we try, not til I do everything I can to-”

“Sometimes, that isn’t enough,” Franky says, still unmoving. “You think she wants this?”

“YES!” Usopp shouts, then gulps down air. Calm down. Calm down. “She…she spoke to me, I heard her. Her spirit spoke to me. She fixed herself. She wants to live! How can I-how can I not help her live?”

Franky cocks his head. “Her spirit? Like her Klabautermann? She showed herself to you?”

Usopp laughs without humor. “I guess. And yes, she did. She said she wanted to carry us further, and-”

“Oh,” Franky says softly, and are those tears in his voice? “Oh, she really does love you. But, listen. I don’t know you from the next guy, but I know about ships. And look, she’s—”

Usopp can’t do this anymore. “Thank you for your help,” He sidesteps around Franky, sets off back towards the front of the ship. “But as long as I have the ability and the time, I’m going to do everything I can. It’s the least I can do. I won’t leave her behind just ‘cause she’s not useful anymore.”

He’s said too much, but he can’t help it. There’s no time, anyway. He’s wasted too much already.

He hears a small “hey” behind him but he just hurries forward, hoping it’ll take him in front of Zoro’s sight again. If needed, he can mention Franky’s name in front of him, that oughta get Franky out of there real quick…

He slows down as he approaches the side of the ship, seeing a new light source on the deck. Zoro’s still there, but Sanji is now too, lighting up a cigarette. It seems like there’s a tail end of quiet conversation between them, which in itself shocks him so much that he almost stops in his tracks.

“…and he’s looking at it now,” Zoro says, tone quiet.

“At least he’s back,” Sanji says, grim around his cigarette. “Robin-Chan is still-”

Sanji lifts his head and makes eye contact with Usopp, causing him to stop mid-sentence. “Oi,” He says. “Usopp. Any news on the ship?”

Usopp shakes his head as the conversation registers. “Robin?” He asks, heart racing. “What about Robin? What happened?”

Sanji’s exchanges a quick glance with Zoro before looking back at him. “Robin-Chan’s—” He cuts himself off, eyes narrowing. “Who’s that?”

Usopp looks back to see Franky approach close behind him. “Oh he’s…he’s a shipwright who was looking at the Merry for us. What about Robin?”

“She’s missing,” Sanji says, breathing out cigarette smoke. “We’ll look for her again in the morning, but for now, we don’t know where she is. It’s been…a rough day, I can tell you that much.”

Usopp’s head spins. “Why wait?” He asks, rocking on the balls of his feet. “If she’s missing, let’s go find her.”

“We will,” Sanji says. “But we need to be ready to go get her a full strength, so everyone’s asleep right now.” He casts a critical eye at Usopp. “You should too. We have a long day tomorrow.”

“No,” Usopp says, shaking his head. “There’s still…I need to go look for a shipwright. I’ll look tonight and go with you guys to look for Robin tomorrow.”

Sanji frowns. “What,” He says, inclining his head towards Franky. “This guy wasn’t good enough?”

“Hey!” Franky snaps, and Usopp practically feels him puff up in indignant anger. “I’m the best around! The ship, though, is unfortunately—”

“He can’t fix it,” Usopp interrupts. His vision’s turning a little spotty, so he rubs at his eyes. “So I’ll keep looking til I find someone who can.”

“Oi, Usopp,” He hears Zoro’s voice as he blinks his sight back. “You’ve been out for hours, you should probably—”

“I only have two days,” Usopp glares at his crewmates. “And if we need to help Robin too, I need to use all the time I have to fix the Merry.”

Zoro’s eyes tighten. “You won’t help Merry if you pass out,” He says.

“Luffy gave me two days,” Usopp repeats. “And I’m going to use them. If I pass out I’ll wake up again and keep going.”

Zoro sighs, but doesn’t move further. “Your choice,” He says. “But when the two days end, I’m dragging you back. No arguments.”

“What kind of crew are you guys?” Franky says, amazed, behind him. Usopp sees Zoro and Sanji tense as one, ready to fight back.

That’s not good. “Hey,” Usopp says, raising his arms, “Wait…”

A loud scream in the distance interrupts him, and he almost jumps out of his skin. “What’s—”

He jumps again as more shouting and screaming joins the fray, chaos seemingly spreading across the city. An alarm sounds in the distance.

Zoro and Sanji are both up on their feet, tense and ready to fight. “What the hell is that?” Sanji asks, bewildered.

Franky looks similarly ready to go. “City emergency alarm,” He responds. “Something’s happening…something bad.”

Nami stumbles out on the deck, still in sleep clothes, followed closely by Chopper and Luffy. “What’s going on?” She asks, frantic.

Groups of people are now starting to run in a panic around the docks, shouting various phrases, getting their things together. Shortly, a word gets repeated, shared across the docks, reaching the Merry…

Franky stares at them, eyes wide. “Are they saying Iceburg?”

-

“We’re getting Robin back,” Luffy proclaims.

He says it like how he says everything: like he means it, deep in his bones. It’s not a plan, it’s a promise.

Usopp nods, glancing around at the rest of the crew, all of whom sport identical grim expressions. Even Franky is there, tagging along through his connection to current events. Sanji, however, is still out doing some mysterious errand, with no word on when he’ll come back.

Usopp grips tightly at his newly constructed weapon. It’s a hell of a time for a test drive. “We storming the building?” He asks. “To get Robin?”

Luffy nods. “Yeah,” He says. “If we can’t find her, someone there will know where she is.”

Usopp looks to the side. “Franky,” He says. “You sure you’re okay with coming?”

He knows the instant he’s said it that he’s made a mistake. In all the chaos and running and worry, Franky’s name had never been said. Until now.

Everyone explodes into motion right away.

“Franky?” Chopper cries, shocked, and Usopp feels a strong arm grip his bicep and pull him back. He sees Nami, on Franky’s other side, get yanked back with him.

He stumbles back, and looks up to be greeted with the sight of a straw hatted head, placed firmly in front of him. “Franky?” And it’s Luffy now, quietly dangerous. “This is Franky? The same guy from earlier? That Franky?”

Oh, this is bad. This is bad.

“Wait,” Usopp says, struggling against Zoro’s grip on his arm. “Hey, wait. Don’t…”

He leans to the side, around Luffy, to see Franky back up slowly, arms raised. “Whoa, bro, hang on…”

Luffy raises an arm. “Hey, you,” He says, drawing it back. “You hurt my crew member?”

Usopp yanks again, but Zoro is unmoved. Oh no oh no oh no…

The situation is slowly leaving his control and Usopp can’t take it, he needs to do something, he needs to-

“Luffy, STOP!” Usopp yells, much louder than he ever expected. “STOP IT!”

Luffy freezes in place. Slowly, his head turns around, a perfect 180 degrees that will never stop being unnerving, to look at Usopp. “Huh?” He asks, bewildered. “Is this not the same guy?”

“Lemme go, Zoro,” Usopp hisses in response, and at Luffy’s nod he suddenly finds himself free. He ducks around Luffy to stand between him and Franky, arms out, shielding. “It is,” He says. “It’s the same guy. But, he’s—”

“Then lemme beat him up!” Luffy says, putting his hands on his hips. “He beat you up, right?”

“Yeah,” Usopp says, exasperated. “But he’s cool! He wanted to help fix Merry when I asked. And he’s coming with us to help Robin! Plus you already burned down his house so I think we should just forget the whole thing and-”

“Wait,” And that’s Nami, horror dawning across her face. “Fix Merry? Usopp…Usopp, did you deliberately look for this guy to fix Merry? Like…you went to him on purpose? Alone?”

Usopp grits his teeth. “It doesn’t matter,” He says. “Look. We still have Robin to save, and Merry. Let’s just do that and then we can talk about this even though it’s stupid.”

“We should go save Robin,” Luffy says, frowning, “And if you say he’s cool then I guess he is, but…”

“But what?” Usopp says. “Let’s just go! We don’t have time.”

Nami shakes her head. “Of all the reckless, stupid things to do…”

“Hey!” And that’s Franky now, behind him. “It may have been reckless, but he was really brave! He really loves your ship, was willing to literally let me lop off an arm and a leg to save her.”

Usopp winces at the silence that follows that pronouncement. “You what?” Chopper yelps. “You were going to…in your condition?”

“Usopp…” Luffy says, and there’s a look on his face Usopp has never seen before. He feels so, so guilty at being the one to put it there. “Why would you…I know she’s part of the crew but you can’t just…”

“You idiot.”

The absolute venom in the statement is enough to stop everyone in their tracks. Zoro is glaring at him like he’s a total stranger. “You know what? I don’t understand you. You’re cautious and smart most of the time and then other times it’s like you haven’t changed from when we met you. You only decide to be ridiculously fucking stubborn when you know you can’t win and you don’t even care. What the fuck is your problem?”

Usopp feels like he’s been punched in the gut. The anger is just there at the base of his throat, and it’s fighting against the sadness and the hurt and the shame to get out. “But…you did the same thing!” He says, trying to find his balance in the conversation. “In Little Garden! You were going to cut off your legs!”

“How was that the same?” Zoro says, indignant. “That was a last ditch effort to get out to save people who could be saved! With you…” he cuts himself off, shaking his head. “You, what, you don’t trust us? The people you should trust? The Captain you should believe in? We’re all right here, right in front of you, and you’re still…like this! You go to the guy who almost killed you for help instead of us. And you’re hurting yourself for a ship that’s already dead.”

The anger wins.

“You’re the ones that were okay with leaving Merry behind!” Usopp yells right back, right at the edge of explosion. “You’re the ones who weren’t even willing to try anything! You weren’t even going to try? How am I supposed to trust you if you don’t even put in any effort at all? If you just shrug your shoulders and give up?”

No no no no. His brain chants. No no. It’ll be you next. No no.

“Winning requires sacrifice,” Usopp says, waving away the voice in his head. “Help requires work. I’m willing to do what it takes, especially since nobody else was going to do it!”

“Like I said,” Zoro says again, and his voice is icy now, which sets off Usopp’s rage even further. “The ship is dead. None of us did anything because we’re living in reality. Where do you think this goes from here, huh? You get yourself cut up and the ship is still dead? What does that do for us? What does that do for you? You need to grow up and know which battles to fight and which to trust to us, and to your Captain!”

Usopp feels himself shake not in fear, but in anger. “And so what if she’s already dead?” He says, voice shaking alongside his body. “Does that mean we stop trying? Does that mean we just accept it and give up? I would never give up on any of you. And that includes Merry. Because that’s what crewmates do! And if that means getting hurt along the way, then, well—”

“Stop.”

Usopp literally freezes in place. The authority in Luffy’s voice is like a physical thing: solid, regal, powerful. It washes over Usopp’s skin, touching his heart with both awe and fear.

Luffy’s not just going to be King of the Pirates. God, he already is one.

“This isn’t helping,” Luffy says, pinning them both with a stern look. “There’s a lot happening right now, and both of you have good points. But, listen. Right now, Robin needs us. And at the end of the day, we’re a crew. No matter what, we care about each other and we’re in this together. When this is over, we’ll get back to this, but…” He crosses his arms again. “For now, we have someone to save. And she needs us all.”

Usopp squeezes in a breath. “Okay,” He says, a numbness falling over his body.

He hears Zoro grunt “Yes Captain.”

“Okay,” Luffy turns back to Franky. “Usopp vouched for you, and that’s enough for me. You can come with us.”

Franky hands, still up, cautiously come down near his sides. “Thank you?” He says.

Without a word, Luffy marches forward, followed closely by Zoro. Nami hesitates for a moment, shoots him a sad look, then follows. Chopper gestures towards him, whispers, “Come on Usopp,” And beckons him forward.

A sniff beside him catches his attention.

Usopp turns to see Franky, tears running down his cheeks. “You’re a good guy, Usopp,” Franky murmurs, refusing to wipe away the tears. “It would be an honor to be on the same crew as you.”

The numbness almost fades back, but it doesn’t make it there.

“Thank you,” Usopp whispers back, then follows his crew.

-

And then.

When they needed her, she came.

When they needed her, she saved them.

Usopp can barely believe it. Everyone had told him she was gone, that it was impossible to save her, that she would fall apart in no time…

And yet. And yet.

“Merry,” He sobs, watching as the fire devours her, hearing her final words echo in his head. “I’m sorry I doubted you. I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry.”

He should’ve known better. He should’ve known better than anyone. He should’ve known that he couldn’t count anybody out til they were gone, should’ve believed in his convictions to keep her going…

He should’ve known. But he didn’t.

I’m sorry. And the memories that had dogged him this whole time solidify, echoing in his head alongside his current thoughts, tumbling together into one. I should’ve done more. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.

Mom.

He cries as the flames consume the ship, until she’s nothing but burning debris that sinks into the water. He cries as the sun sets on her final moments. He cries as he walks back with his remaining crew, lightheaded and weak but unable to stop.

He can’t stop.

A hand tugs at his wrist, and he turns his blurry eyes to see shocks of orange and blue against the sky.

“I’m sorry,” Nami whispers, laying a head on his shoulder as they walk. Her words join the cacophony in his brain.

Usopp wants to say it’s okay. He wants to smile, reassure her, tell her everything’s fine. He wants to walk alongside them all, cool and sure, knowing he did everything he could. He wants to tell her that he knows it was time, that there was nothing they could do, that their friend went out like a hero.

He wants to tell her that he knows that the next time, when it’s him up there instead, that it will have been just as heroic, and everyone will have fought just as hard.

But for the first time in his life, he’s unable to do what he does best. For the first time in his life, he can’t lie.

He cries all the way back to the city.

-

“We need to talk,” Luffy says, strangely somber.

Usopp looks up from the new weapon in his lap. It still doesn’t quite feel like it fits in his hands. “Hm?”

His stomach drops as he meets Luffy’s gaze: focused, piercing, and overwhelming. Being the focus of Luffy’s attention is almost too much at the best of times, but now? It’s like looking directly into the sun.

He glances around the room. Everyone else is sprawled out throughout the ground in the room that they’re in, fast asleep. Usopp knows that he’s going to have to make a lot of noise to wake anybody else up now.

Except, well. Except…

Zoro is leaning against the wall closest by the door. His eyes had shot open at Luffy’s words, and he’s now looking in their direction expectantly.

Usopp drops his gaze back to his lap. “You want to talk about…about before?”

“Yeah,” Luffy says, and Usopp hears him get closer. “Everything���s over now, so we just need to fix this, okay? C’mon.”

Luffy tugs at his arm, pulling him up in one swift movement. Usopp almost drops Kabuto, and quickly scrambles to keep in his his arms.

He’s pulled to the door quickly, and scrambles to keep his balance. As they exit, he sees Zoro stand up in one fluid motion and follow them out, quietly shutting the door behind them.

The morning sun feels bright on his face, and Usopp squints as Luffy leads him to the side of the building, stopping to the left of the window and facing Usopp to his right. Zoro follows, taking the spot at Usopp’s left, leaning against the side and keeping his face aimed at the ground.

Usopp’s hand start to sweat, turning the Kabuto slippery. He feels boxed in, trapped.

They’re going to tell me to leave, He thinks, blinking furiously. It’s over.

Luffy takes a breath. “Usopp,” He says, serious, concerned. “Are you okay?”

“Am I—” Usopp trips over his words. “What do you mean?”

“I mean,” Luffy says. “The whole time we’ve been here…you’ve been acting weird. I get wanting to save Merry, I really do. She was family, and you tried your best to fight for her. But…you were going to make us lose you too. And that’s not okay.”

Usopp closes his eyes. They still don’t get it.

“I didn’t want to,” He says, keeping his eyes shut. “I just…look. If you want to save someone, you have to give something in return. That’s just how it works. If you fight hard enough, sometimes you get something in return, you know? So I wanted…I wanted to give her that fighting chance.”

“You said that before too,” Luffy says, and Usopp feels him lean his shoulder into Usopp’s. His eyes crack back open. “About…about sacrifice. You did, though. You gave it everything you got.”

Usopp shakes his head. “I didn’t,” He says, and it settles in his stomach, uncomfortable. “I could’ve done more.”

Zoro makes a disbelieving noise. Usopp flinches.

“Huh?” Luffy’s eyes are wide. “What? How?”

Usopp shrugs. “I didn’t take the two days,” He mutters, trying not to fidget. “It was for Robin and that’s important, but…I didn’t use the two days that I had. And…and I didn’t actually do anything with the time I did use. And—”

“That’s not true!” Luffy interrupts, gripping a Usopp’s forearm. “You did everything you could! You helped save Robin. And you got a second opinion for Merry! But…that’s not how it works, did you know that? Sometimes, no matter what you give, you don’t get it back.”

Usopp shakes his head. “Yeah,” He says. “But you don’t know until you try.”

“The trying is the problem, Usopp,” And that’s Zoro, and Usopp’s gaze lands back on him. Zoro is still leaning against the wall, still not looking in his direction. “That’s why I got mad, you know. You keep bringing it back to the Merry, but this isn’t what we’re talking about. We’re talking about you.”

“Yeah!” Luffy says, throwing an arm around Usopp’s shoulders. “You know how you were fighting for Merry? We’re fighting for you! Against…you, I guess, cause you’re the one hurting you. Get it?”

“What?” Usopp says, shaking his head. “No!”

Zoro sighs. “That was terrible, Luffy.”

“Shut uppp,” Luffy whines, then looks at Usopp again. “You’re the Merry for us right now. You’re the one that’s hurt and we want to make sure you don’t break! And if you decide to put yourself in harm’s way and get hurt, then we have to come save you, right? So, we’re saving you!”

“You need to think about the risks you take,” Zoro cuts in. “Weigh them up and see if they’re worth it. Sometimes, stubborn courage is good. Other times, it’ll only hurt you, which hurts us as a crew. Get it?”

Usopp feels wrapped in his uselessness, hugging at his skin like a familiar, old coat. “So…” He says, voice small even to his own ears. “When…when there’s no way to…to help someone. I just…let it go? I let them go? If someone…if someone becomes useless, and can’t continue, then…”

Luffy tugs Usopp closer to him again. “You come to us,” He responds. “And then we’ll try to help together. And then if we can’t, then we handle it together too, okay? Deal?”

Usopp knows, logically speaking, that he can’t have control over every aspect of his life. That’s just how life goes. But…he’d like to be able to have his choices have some impact, at least. If not for him, for the people who matter to him.

That they won’t is a bitter pill to swallow.

Usopp looks at Zoro, who now pins him with a clear gaze. He looks at Luffy, who pins him with a huge, sunny smile.

Awe bubbles in his throat, shock and love and disbelief mixing into a heady cocktail that he wants to submit to. But there’s still that anger, just on the surface on his thoughts, banging to be let back in.

You’re lying! You gave up!

He pushes back. And back and back and back. “Okay,” He tells Luffy, giving him a smile. It still feels like a lie. “Okay, Luffy. Deal.”

Luffy cheers, and the anger in his head softens at the sight.

It’s the most important lie he’ll ever tell.

[imyourbratzdoll]

Hi can you write Chris angst with happy ending, where the reader is younger than him and not from the US, Chris and reader have a fight and he says something he didn't mean, bc the reader didn't have anyone to go to so she went to chris' mom's house and tell her about the fight. Thank youu!

hello! I hope you enjoy this, this was probably the longest thing I've written as well, haha. thank you for sending it in!

warning - angst, happy ending.

the gif I use isn't mine, dividers by @newlips and @firefly-graphics

While Chris is away at work, I usually stay at his house, which he says is mine. I make sure it’s spotless before he comes home. I look after Dodger and take him for walks. When I know Chris will be home, there’s always a hot plate of food ready for him and a nice cold beer. I have to admit. It was hard to get acquainted in a country I didn’t know that well. I was thankful for Lisa as she helped a lot. 

The hardest thing about dating a well-known actor was the fans once they found out I was much younger than Chris. It was on, they’d try and make my life a living hell, and they made sure it was known I wasn’t deserving of a man like Chris Evans. But to them, no woman was unless it was themselves.

Chris has been distant lately. We used to talk all the time while he worked. Facetime, calls, texts. You name it, and we did it. But recently, he’s stopped. I receive one-word answers now and no good morning or goodnight texts, no I love you’s during the day. Just nothing…

Today, I cleaned the whole house, took Dodger to his usual dog park, fed him and made dinner. Making myself look presentable for Chris. The front door slams open as I finally sit down and start a movie while cuddling Dodger. An irritated Chris storms through, and he places his things down before turning towards me. A sneer appears on his face.

“So this is what you do all day? Just sit on your ass and watch tv?” Ignoring what I’m about to say, he stalks over to the kitchen and swings open the fridge door, grabbing a beer before popping the cap off and gulping most of it down. I slowly get up, feeling my chest tighten at his words. No hug, no gentle greeting. Just bitterness, like black coffee without the milk and sugar.

I give Dodger a small pat before heading into the kitchen, where Chris is drinking a second beer, leaning against the counter and glaring at the hot food on the stove. I nervously pick at my nails, carefully walking towards Chris and placing a soft hand on his arm. My mouth opens as I’m about to speak, but Chris’s head snaps toward me, and the harsh glare on his face causes me to flinch back.

“Can’t you just fuck off already?! You’re always fucking here! Always fucking texting and calling me! You’re so fucking clingy. You called me during work and interrupted a scene! You sit around here all day and do fucking nothing! I do all the fucking work, and I can’t even come home and get a fucking break!”

“I–I…” I try to blink away, the tears forming. Chris backs me into the table as his harsh words pierce through me. Spit flying from how angry he is.

“You– you what?! Huh?! GET OUT! GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE!” I can’t even feel my heart breaking as I take off. I don’t see Dodger running into the room and practically tackling his dad whilst barking. Everything is a blur, and I quickly run out of the house, not even daring to take a car, as that’ll just add to Chris’s hatred. 

I’ve been running for a while, not knowing where I’d end up as I didn’t have anyone. My feet managed to take me to Lisa’s house, and I anxiously waited at the front door after knocking, thinking that maybe coming here wouldn’t be a good idea. I mean… What if she hates me too? What if I’m just a burden and I should just leave and never turn back, but before I can turn and try and find my way, the door opens.

“Y/n?” Lisa’s eyes widen at the sight of me before quickly ushering me in. I didn’t even notice I was crying or that my feet were bleeding, “oh dear, what happened?” I’m so spaced out that I don’t notice her leading me over to the couch and sitting me down. As Lisa returns with hot chocolate, a blanket is wrapped around my shivering form. Once she sets it down, she looks me over and takes my hand. 

My mouth opens and closes for a while as I try to find the words. “I– uh, Chris… He came home….” I slowly take a sip of the drink in my hand, even though my stomach is in knots, and I feel like I’ll throw up at any minute. Lisa patiently waits for me to continue, knowing I need some time for my head to wrap around all of it. “He’s been distant lately and– and he came home, said something about how I do nothing all day, and then, he disappeared to the kitchen. Already two beers in when I reached him….” I break out into a sob. Lisa’s hand connects with my back and gives it a rub. 

“He– he, uh, said a lot of things… Mean things, and he told me to get out, so I ran, and this is where I ended up. I’m so sorry, Lisa. I’m bothering you.” I go to stand, but she quickly pushes me down before giving me a motherly hug. 

“You’re never a bother, dear. My son shouldn’t have said or reacted like this, and I’m sorry for how he’s treated you. Now come on, let’s run you a bath and then you can sleep in the guest bedroom.” She stands, holding her hand out, and once I grab it, she leads me to the guest room before she heads into the bathroom, running the bath for me. Once she thinks it’s perfect, she comes out and informs me, and I head in. I strip down and hand her my clothes before relaxing in the tub.

As I sit there, the day catches up to me. A tear falls, and then another, until a full sob leaves my lips. I place my head into my hands at the feeling of heartbreak. My hand runs down my face. The stress of it all is visible on my face. I’m broken out of my daze when there’s a knock on the door, “I’ve placed a clean pair of clothes on the bed. If you need anything else, don’t hesitate to ask, dear.” I mutter a thank you, deciding to get out and sleep the pain away.

I dried off and changed into the clean clothes put out for me before crawling under the covers, regretting sleep as my night was filled with nightmares. Waking up every two hours, sweat covering my forehead as a new nightmare has appeared. Soon the sun rose, and so did I, even more exhausted than I was before, slowly rising from the bed and pushing the covers off of me. I leave the room and head down to where Lisa is.

I stand in the doorway, rubbing the sleep from my eyes as I wish her a good morning. She spins, and her eyes widen at my state before she rushes over, “oh dear.” Her arms wrap tightly around me, I want to cry, but it feels like there’s nothing left. “Come, sit. I’ve made breakfast.” For a while, we talk and get things done around the house. It’s around the afternoon when we hear a knock on the door. Lisa lays a hand on my knee, excusing herself before going toward the front door.

My heart starts to race as I hear his voice. He seems to be pleading with his mother. I slowly stand before making my way over there, placing a gentle hand on Lisa’s shoulder. “It’s okay, Lisa, thank you.” She looks at me, and I nod, turning toward Chris as she leaves. His appearance is horrible, bags under his eyes, his eyes are bloodshot and puffy, and tears are rolling down his face. 

“What do you want?” My arms cross, knowing I look just as horrible as him. His heart breaks even more at the sight. He goes to reach out, but I flinch away, and Chris feels his world shatter. 

“I– I made a mistake. I’m so sorry. I wasn’t in the right, and I took it out on you, baby. I’m so so sorry. Please forgive me.” At this point, big fat tears were leaving his pretty blue eyes. He continues to plead, beg, anything and everything, but my heart hurts too much to forgive him.

“I, uhm… think we should take a break for a while. It hurts too much to forgive you right now….” I bite my lip hard, trying not to break out into tears. “I’ll come to pick my things up later….” Chris’s mouth drops open as he begs for this not to happen, but my mind has been made up. The distance was one thing that went on for months, but the fight that’s what pushed this.

Chris watches as Y/n packs all of her things, both hearts breaking. Chris regretted everything the minute the words left his mouth, hell, even when he was distancing himself. Dodger hasn’t come close to him since then, but the moment the dog saw you, he was all over you, licking you and giving you attention. He hasn’t left your side since. Chris felt his world slipping through his fingers.

God, he wished that he had talked to you. He wished he talked about how stressed he was instead of distancing himself, and he wished that he didn’t let his co-workers or fans get to his head about how you were much younger than him, that you were taking him for granted. That one day, you’d look at him and realise you could do so much better, god. Chris wished he could go back and slap himself for being so stupid.

Once you got everything, you started to head out the door. You were saying a long goodbye to Dodger before you stood and looked at Chris. You get on your tippy toes and place a gentle kiss on his cheek, pulling back and looking into his eyes. “I will always love you, and I’m sorry it had to end this way.”

A tear fell from the pair's eyes as one lover walked away from the other, not knowing they wouldn’t meet again for another couple of months.

During the time they were apart, Chris retired and decided to give therapy a try. Every day, he regrets it, choosing to spend time with family, not once looking for a relationship because he felt a piece of him was missing. Right now, Chris was at the store picking up some food. His relationship with Dodger took some time to heal. 

Y/n, well. She decided to go back home for a while, needing to be around her family as she was so heartbroken. Just recently, she moved back to Boston because even though being with her family was lovely, she felt as though Boston was her home, but she still was missing a piece of her. Right now, she’s at the store because her fridge is empty.

The two soulmates didn’t realise they’d meet again.

Y/n goes to reach for a tub of ice cream, and at the same time, so does Chris. Their hands touch and they quickly jerk them away.

“Sorry”

“No– no, I’m sorry.”

Brows furrowed as the voice sounded familiar. They turned to look at each other, and that feeling of emptiness was suddenly filled when their eyes locked. Chris’s face goes red as he gestures to the ice cream, and Y/n grabs it whilst also grabbing another and carefully handing it to him.

They stand awkwardly for a moment, both trying to figure out the right thing to say.

“So… How’ve you been?” Y/n decides to start it off simple, feeling her heart hurt from how much she’s missed him, not the him she unfortunately saw but the one she fell in love with.

“Yeah, good, good. I– uh, retired and started therapy. How have you been?” Chris rubs the back of his neck as Y/n’s eyes widen. 

“You retired?” He nods, explaining that he thinks it was time and that he’s been spending more time with his family. “I’ve– uhm. I’ve been good. I decided to move back, as you can see.” They and everyone else can feel the awkward tension, the ex-couple not knowing how to react. 

Chris clears his throat before gesturing, “well– it was good seeing you, I should.” Y/n nods, agreeing. They start to separate ways for the second time, and god, is it heartbreaking for the two. At the same time, they turn and face one another before their items are dropped, and they move toward each other, Chris opening his arms and scooping her up as their lips meet.

It looks like something out of a movie to outsiders but to these two. It was like the piece that was missing was finally found.

They pull back for air, and their eyes are full of tears. “I’m so sorry. I’m such a fucking idiot. I never stopped loving you, and I should’ve talked to you instead of being an ass.” Y/n wipes the tear that falls from his eyes. Leaning forward, she places another kiss against his lips.

“I forgave you a long time ago, bubs, and I did say I will always love you.” We stare into each other’s eyes for a while until we both break out into laughter. 

“We’ve become one of those cheesy romance movies, haven’t we?”

“Yeah, yeah, we have.”

thank you for reading!

feedback and reblogs are greatly appreciated.

[jpmarvel90]

Mr Tin Man

Masterlist Scarlett Masterlist

Relationship: Scarlett x Singer Reader

Summary: Y/n and Scarlett broke up when their relationship couldn't over come the difficulties both of their careers posed. Both realising what they're missing, can they find their way back to each other?

Word Count: 4354

Y/N’s POV:

It had been a year since Scarlett Johansson, and I had broken up. She was the love of my life, the woman I thought I would marry, have kids, and spend the rest of my life with. But life had other plans. It wasn’t a messy break up. No one cheated or fell out of love. We were both just in a point in our life where our careers were restricting us being able to spend quality time together. We were right for each other but it wasn’t the right time.

So, although it broke our hearts, we decided the best thing was to end it before we got bitter and angry at each other. We agreed to stay friends, but I was heart broken and any time we spent together felt like a dagger to my heart knowing that I would never have her again. As time went on, our work schedules made even meeting up as friends difficult and we eventually stopped seeing each other.

Whilst Scarlett was away filming a number of Marvel films, I had been completing my latest album followed by a world tour. I didn’t deal with the breakup well at all. I started to isolate myself and focus all my efforts on work. As time went on, I started to fall into a depression. I struggled to do the simple things and, without realising it, I had let own selfcare go. I was struggling to sleep and was not eating well. But I couldn’t see it.

The world tour was tough. We had so many shows, it felt like we were constantly travelling to the next venue. Although, at the time, I was happy as it meant I was never on my own too long with my own feelings, it took a toll on me.

Eventually I broke. I felt like I couldn’t go on anymore as I had. I was so unhappy and  I had lost all motivation to continue writing and I just didn’t see a way out of my darkness. The day after we landed back in LA, I had a meeting with my team to discuss what I would be doing next. I turned up at the office sat down and listened as they ran off a list of possible projects I could work on whilst starting another album.

“I think I’m done.” I spoke up when they finished their proposals. “Sorry, what do you mean Y/n?” Laura, my manager asked with a concerned look on her face. “I can’t carry on doing this. I used to love singing and performing, but now I feel that I’ve created a world where I no longer have control. A world where I’m unhappy, losing the people I love.” There was a silence in the room as I spoke. Shook was evident on all of my teams faces.

“I think for now, I need to take at least take a break. Refocus my life as I feel like I am losing myself. Maybe I’ll find the passion again to come back, but right now, if I carry on, I’m scared it will destroy me.” I was struggling to keep control of my emotions. It was sat here that I realised just how lost I had gotten and how deep I had fallen into a depression.

I was expecting my team to challenge me back, encourage me to do one more project, one more album. But they didn’t. As I observed their faces, they looked sad, they pitied me. Laura gave the rest of the team a signal to leave us as she stood to join me on the sofa. “You don’t know how glad I am to hear you say that.” She said taking my hand in hers.

I looked up at her shocked at her response. “What do you mean?” I asked with a confused look on my face. “Y/n, first and foremost you are my friend before my client. I’m angry at myself that it took me nearly a year to realise how much you were struggling. But when I did, I was scared that you would push yourself too hard and to a place you wouldn’t find your way back from.” As she spoke, I looked at her face, it was soft and loving, giving me comfort.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” I asked. She paused for a moment to collect her thoughts. “I considered it a lot. But I was scared that I would push you away to a point I wouldn’t be able to help you. I decided to monitor you during the last concerts and then bring it up with you when we got home.” I nodded, understanding her reasoning. She was right, I probably would have lashed out and pushed her away.

“What do you think you’ll do next?” She asked with genuine interest. “Not sure, maybe move back home to the UK, though my friends are all here. I don’t really have family back there anymore. But first I think I need to just work on me. Try and focus on getting my head and health right. Then I can think what next.” I was proud of myself that I was recognising I needed help and part of that was putting me first.

“I think that’s a very mature decision. Just know, I will be here for you every step of the way. You need anything, you just let me know, in work or your personal life ok.” I smiled as she spoke and pulled her in to a big hug. Suddenly I relief had washed over me. “I’ll put out a press release this afternoon to announce that you’ll be taking a prolonged break for personal reasons. I know you hate the press prying, so the soon we get this done, the quicker it’ll be over with and you’ll be old news.”

I nodded in agreement. I knew I wouldn’t be able to just slip away from the limelight, it would create a worse reaction with rumours and the paparazzi chasing me around trying to work out what was going on. I knew these next few weeks would be difficult, but I was finally doing what was right for me.

After a couple of months, the attention on me had died down, and I was able to focus on getting myself in a better place. I still was struggling mental, but I was taking better care of myself. I made sure I was eating properly and started to work out again. It actually became a good release for me when I was feeling overwhelmed.

I had decided that I wanted to buy a bar. I wanted to create a place where I could have live music, giving up coming acts a chance to perform. It took about a month, but I did it. I helped me to focus on something positive. I spent the time sorting out exactly what I wanted the bar to be and was so happy to be opening ‘Spotlight’.

It proved to be a great success. Every Friday and Saturday night I would be at full capacity. We had some fantastic bands and artists perform and even had a few of them be signed up from gigs at the bar. I spent most evenings there waiting behind the bar. I found a peace in the change of pace to what my life had been.

Eventually I started writing music again and would do a small set every Thursday before one of the main acts would play. Without the pressure of writing to deadlines and performing endless concerts, I found the passion again for what I had once loved.

It was now 15 months since Scarlett and I broke up. I was in a place that my career didn’t dictate where I would be or what I would be doing. I considered contacting her, I missed her in my life. Not just as my girlfriend, but as my best friend. But before I could, I saw that she had started dating Colin Jost from SNL. She was happy now and I didn’t want to ruin that for her.

I still felt the heart ache, I knew it would never truly leave, as to me she was my soulmate. But I didn’t let that pain drown me anymore. Perhaps one day I might be able to move on myself. But for now, I think I’m happy.

Scarlett’s POV:

I was a complete mess when Y/n and I broke up. To this day I regret ever suggesting that maybe we just weren’t right for each other due to our careers. I don’t think I have ever loved anyone as much as I loved her. The little time we did spend together was incredible. I couldn’t be happier. Now I’m just sad all the time. Thankfully I’m filming three Marvel films pretty close together so I’m able to throw myself into work.

I kept my eye on what Y/n was doing and even went to her concert when she visited Atlanta. I so badly wanted to call her up and say I wanted to see her. But I didn’t, scared that she would just reject me after I broke her heart.

I’m currently sat in my trailer dealing with work emails when Lizzie comes bursting through my door. “There’s a thing called knocking you know!” I scold towards her as she plonks herself on the sofa opposite me, out of breath. “Oh, come on, it’s not like I would have walked in on anything I shouldn’t.” She responded. I didn’t have the energy to argue so I just let it be.

“So, what’s so urgent that it would cause you to disturb me like this?” I asked, still typing away on my laptop. “Y/n.” She said simply. I stopped what I was doing at the sound of her name. “What about her?” I ask moving to join Lizzie on the sofa. “She’s quit. Well, taking a break, from music.” She rushed out. I sat there in shock my brain going into overdrive. “Just look.” She said thrusting her phone in my direction.

News Article:

Y/n Y/l/n quits!

Y/l/n manager today released a press release announcing that the singer will be taking a step back from her rising music career due to personal reasons. She confirmed that no further information was going to be provided, but added that Y/l/n was extremely grateful for the opportunities she had been given and hoped that one day she may return.

After a successful album release and world tour there has been speculation over why the singer has decided to quit, with many of her fans concerned for her wellbeing. So why has the singer ended her dazzling career which was reaching new heights? Keep tuned for more.

I read the article in complete shock. I couldn’t believe it. Y/n had worked so hard to get where she was. It was one of the things I loved about her, how she had a determination reach her dreams. Looking through the photos of her, I saw how different she looked. Her usually toned body was skinny and her skin was pasty. In one photo where she wasn’t wearing sunglasses you could see clearly that she had dark circles under her eyes.

“Do you think she’s sick? I mean look at the photos, she doesn’t exactly look well.” Lizzie said breaking the silence. I noticed that she also had a concerned look on her face. Lizzie and Y/n were close but after the breakup their friendship started to fade. “I don’t know, maybe? It would make sense. Oh, God what if it’s something serious.” I start to work myself up in a panic now convinced that she was seriously ill and that was why she had quit.

As my breathing started to pick up Lizzie noticed and pulled me so that I was facing her. “Calm down Scar. Everything is going to be ok. You could always call her to find out.” She said, as if I would easily be able to just pick up the phone and talk to her for the first time in a year. I just shook my head fighting back the tears.

“Oh, Scar come here.” Lizzie said pulling me into a hug. “You still love her, I never understood why you didn’t try harder to make things work. Perhaps this is the worlds way of pushing back towards each other.” I listened intently to what Lizzie was saying. She was right, ever since the day I ended things, I just wanted to call her up and say I made a mistake. But it’s been a over a year now. She’s probably moved on.

I spent that afternoon in my trailer with Lizzie holding me while I cried, worried that the love of my life was ill, and I wasn’t there for her. But me being the stupid person I am, was too scared to call or even try and make contact.

Over the next couple of weeks, I couldn’t focus on much. I was trying to take my mind of Y/n and went on a couple of dates with Colin Jost. He was a great guy, but I knew I couldn’t commit to him when I was still in love with Y/n and hopeful that we may one day find our way back to each other.

It was an article online which caught my attention which brought back all the worries that I had had about Y/n. I normally don’t read these things, but I found it was the only way I could keep Y/n in my life. This particular article was talking about Y/n being unwell and going through some form of treatment.

Like the press like to do, they analysed images of her to show her weight loss, her pale skin. How infrequently she would leave her home. There had even been some images of her going to the hospital. I had enough relying on potentially fake stories and decided that I was going to do something. I still was too scared to call Y/n but I there was one person I knew I could talk too.

Phone call (Third person.)

Scarlett: Hey Laura, it’s Scar. How are you?

Laura: Hey, I’m surprised to hear from you. I’m good thanks. How about you?

Scarlett: I’m not doing too great. I hope you don’t mind me calling, but I’m concerned about Y/n. I’m just going to get right to the point. Is Y/n sick?

There was a pause on the end of the line whilst Laura debated telling Scarlett what was really going on.

Laura: No, she’s not sick, but she has been struggling.

Scarlett: Oh, thank God she’s not ill. But what do you mean struggling.

Laura: After your breakup Y/n threw herself into work. She stopped looking after herself and it took us far to long to notice that something was wrong. I’m pretty sure she fell into depression. She even stopped writing.

There was a silence on the phone whilst Scarlett took in what she was hearing. Everyone knew how much Y/n loved to write. It was her outlet to process her feelings. The fact that you weren’t writing was terrifying, as it meant you were giving up.

Scarlett: So it wasn’t her choice to take a break?

Laura: Actually, it was. After the tour was over, she told us she couldn’t do it anymore. She admitted if she carried on, she was scared that she wouldn’t make it through. I was very proud of her that she recognised what she doing wasn’t healthy. We didn’t announce why she took a break, so it gave her time to focus on herself and get healthy again.

Scarlett: Right, that’s good she’s looking after herself again. How is she now?

Laura: She’s actually doing pretty well. She’s much healthier physically but I know she’s struggling. If I’m honest with you Scarlett, I think she always will. You were her life, I know it may not have seemed that way, but you were always the priority to her. I don’t think she’ll every truly get over you, but as long as she’s staying healthy I think she’s ok with.

Scarlett was silent. She was relieved that she wasn’t sick, but she now had new worries that Y/n still needed support mentally. She hated that she was selfish and broke things off when Y/n even when she was trying.

Laura: Scar, there’s something you should know. She opened a bar a few weeks ago. It’s called Spotlight. We managed to keep it from the press and it’s going really well for her. They have live music every night and she helps bands and artists have a chance to make it themselves.

Scarlett: That’s great, I’m glad she’s found something that makes her happy.

Laura: Once she was settled, I was sure that she was going to get back in contact with you. Deep down I think it was always her aim to be stable enough to come back to you. I’m surprised that she hasn’t.

There was another pause.

Laura: Perhaps you should visit. If you do, go on a Thursday.

Scarlett: Ok, maybe I will.

And with that they ended the call. Scarlett feeling slightly better, knowing now what she needed to do. She need to get her girl back.

Scarlett’s POV:

It was Thursday and I was dragging both Lizzie and Florence with my to Y/n new bar. I was so nervous, but I just hoped that she would at least talk to me. We got there and were seated in a booth with a good view of the stage and bar. I noticed that Y/n was serving behind the bar, chatting away with the customers.

She seemed happy, lighter maybe. We ordered some drinks and listened to the young guitarist that was currently playing. After their set was done, the DJ made an announcement. “Good evening everyone and welcome to Spotlight. Thank you to Hannah Leevers for that amazing set. I hope you’ve got your drinks and are ready for your favourite to take the stage again. Please welcome Y/n Y/l/n.”

The audience erupted in cheers and Y/n walked out to the stage and took her place at the piano. She started off by playing some of her hits and it was great. The audience were up and dancing and Y/n seemed the most comfortable I had ever seen her performing. “I forgot how amazing she really is!” Lizzie shouted over the music. “I know, but look how happy she is.” I responded, smiling at her comfort. 

“Thank you everyone. I’ve got one last song before we move on to the main act. We have an amazing band tonight which I can’t wait for you to hear. This last song is a new one that I wrote. I hope you like it!” Y/n stood up, picking up her guitar and sat on a stool by a mic. I watched slightly memorised as she started to pick at the strings.

Hey there, Mr. Tin Man

You don't know how lucky you are

You shouldn't spend your whole life wishin'

For somethin' bound to fall apart

Every time you're feelin' empty

Better thank your lucky stars

'Cause if you ever felt one breakin'

You'd never want a heart

Hey there, Mr. Tin Man

You don't know how lucky you are

I been on the road that you're on

It didn't get me very far

You ain't missin' nothing

'Cause love is so damn hard

Take it from me, darlin'

You don't want a heart

Hey there, Mr. Tin Man

I'm glad we talked this out

You can take mine if you want it

It's in pieces now

By the way there, Mr. Tin Man

If you don't mind the scars

You give me your armour

And you can have my heart

As she finished the song I was in tears. It was the most beautiful song she’s written, and I breaks me to know that it’s because I caused it. Lizzie and Flo pull me into a hug, and I notice they are both crying as well. “Go and fight for her.” Lizzie whispered in my ear. This was it. The moment I hope to change things for the better.

I pull a tissue out of my bag and wipe away my tears. Standing up and straighten out my clothes and take a deep breath before following Y/n to her office. I knock before turning the handle. “Tony, I just need a minute and I’ll be out.” I heard her sniffle as she spoke.

“It’s not Tony.” Is all I’m able to get out. She slowly turns on her spot and I can see the tear tracks down her face. “Scar, w-what are you doing here?” She asked, taking a step back to keep her distance. “That song was beautiful. I’m glad you’re writing again.” I smile, grateful that I’m in her presence again, even if it’s awkward.

“How did you know I stopped?... oh wait Laura told you.” She questioned before answering it herself. I just nodded. “I really should get back out there.” She says making her way to the door. I’m not ready to let her go, so I place my hand out and rest it on her stomach to stop. “Please don’t go.” I whisper.

She can’t make eye contact with me and just stares intently at her feet. “I’m just getting myself back together, I can’t…” She starts with a shaky voice. I interrupt her “shhh, look at me.” I take both her hands and turn her so she’s facing me. Slowly she lifts her head, and I can see fresh tears falling.

“I just want to talk. Once I’ve said my piece, if you want me to, I’ll go. I’m not here to hurt you.” She nods and allows me to continue. “I was really selfish when I said we couldn’t make things work. Part of me was being selfish as I didn’t want to make any sacrifices to my career. Which was stupid, because the only thing I’ve ever been sure of in my life was you. I got scared and I have never regretted anything as much as this.” I pause and wipe away some of the tears falling down her face.

“When I heard you had quit, I saw all these articles about you being sick and it sent me into a panic. I thought that I was going to lose you and you’d never know that I love you, that you’re my soulmate. When I spoke with Laura, it felt like a second chance. I knew I had to make things write. I know things may be to far gone, and if that’s the case then so be it, but I’m not ready to give up. I want us to try again if you’ll have me?”

It was my turn to not be able to keep eye contact. I was terrified that rejection was coming my way. “But you’re dating Colin.” She said with such sadness in her voice. “What? No, I’m not. Well, I went on a couple of dates, but that was months ago now and it never went anywhere. I was too in love with you.”

“Look, Y/n. Maybe we can start again? I don’t expect you to forgive me and for us to jump back into where we were, straight away. But perhaps we start again as a couple? I can reduce the projects I’m working on. You can start to work again.” I start to ramble, fight for our relationship.

“Scar, I’m happy…” Y/n starts and my heart breaks. “Oh, ok.” I turn to leave but she pulls me back by my wrist and I notice how much closer we are now. “What I mean is, I’m happy with my career as it is now. I love this place. Maybe one day I might want to release more music, but I know it won’t be for a while. IF we give this another go, you don’t need to make those big sacrifices. I won’t be going anywhere.”

I look up at her eyes and they are shining. My smile grows wide, and I can’t believe how lucky I am to have someone like her in my life. Before I know what my body is doing, I pull her in to a kiss, placing my hands on her cheeks as I pull her impossibly close to me. Her hands are on my waist rubbing my exposed hip bone. “God I’ve missed that.” She whispers against my lips. I chuckle in response.

“Y/n, I’m all in. You are my priority and if I need to make changes in how I work then I’ll do that. I want to do that so we can be happy. We’ll make this work. Just know I will always be here for you. Through everything.” Her smile grows to match mine and she pulls me in to a tight hug. “I love you.” She says almost afraid to say. I pull out of the hug so I can look her directly in the eyes. “I love you too.”

She gently places her lips on mine for another tender kiss which grows to become more passionate. When we need to catch our breath, we pull away. “I could do that all day.” She laughs. “So could I, but there is someone out there who is almost as desperate to see you again as me.” She looks at me with her eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “It’s Lizzie.” I say and her face lightens up. “Come on then.” I say, holding out my hand to her to take.

She follows me out and joins me back at the table with Lizzie and Flo. We spend the night catching up and laughing. I barely take my eyes off of Y/n and keep a tight hold of her hand as she rubs her thumb over my knuckles. This is where I want to be, and I will do anything to protect it.

[compassionatereminders]

i feel like i've hit rock bottom lately, i went through some shitty stuff but i've realised that i've let it make me bitter and angry and sad and i've been using it as well in a way an excuse for a lot of behaviours in my part, i have a major exam in 3 weeks and i haven't been doing enough for it and i feel like im letting myself down. i've been pretty awful to some people who may even deserve it but i don't like the person i am becoming in this, its just hard to know if i'm validating myself or enabling myself in a way , i've just become sad and bitter and god i just turned 18, so idk its like i feel like ive made some irreparable mistakes and i know im young but it all just feels so overwhelming , but also only way is up now right, like if i am at the bottom atleast now i can just work to make it better, i have these expectations from myself and i keep falling short, i have to try to just take some steps and atleast i know i don't want to be the person i am currently and need to take some steps to be better

As someone who was also sad and bitter at rock bottom at 18, I promise that reaching adulthood is the beginning and not the ending ❤️

[lunaapudleonem]

Hi girl! May i ask you one slightly evil question ? I just got monumentally f*cked by a coworker and he took (stole) credit for something that i made and now he is receiving awards and praises and i have been cryng tru out the last few months and i would like to ask is there any way how karma can come back for him? i have read that saturn is in charge with that - mine is in pisces in the 6 house , but from what i see since he worked with me his career florish and i am now jobless and angry . I have chiron in the 1 and i dont wanna fill like a cursed motherfucker but will a bitch ever get her happy turn ? my mars is in pisces too and all i do is be afraid and ones i get the ball to go after my dreams i end up getting my work stolen and other getting all the benefits ( I FUCKING HATE MY MARS PLACEMENT) like i feel so defeated so yeah sorry if my ask is filled with anger i know you shoud not wish unwell on anyone i am just asking will he get his karma? every person that i have met in my life have told me this creepy sentence my whole life - You bring luck to everyone you come in contact with! ( BUT I DONT FEEL THAT FOR MYSELF!!!!) like my jupiter is in the 4 house in the capricorn for fuck sake - does last 20 years felt like HELL and i thouth this year was about to be my year insted my hard work gave SO MUCH POWER to other people and i am left with nothing i feel bitter and sad ... are people with jupiter in capricorn doomed to never have anything :(( and also i only have 2 placements touching my jupiter /jupiter square node and jupiter trine venus , i have no idea what does are i know squares are bad :((( but i am tired of cryng wail the other people are getting praise ... i am SO SORRY for the the long ask my heart is just hurting

Hii sweetie!! Yes, Saturn is in charge of karma, so if someone does you bad since your Saturn is in the 6th house it would mean their daily routine could get messy, they could have health problems or something could happen to their pets for example. However, it isn't something you should rely on since it can take so long for it to actually happen, and in the end, it really doesn't benefit you much, does it? They could develop for example some gastrointestinal issues, but in the end, it won't give you the recognition you needed at the time. + I noticed karma for the people who wronged you comes only when you let it go and when you don't care about it as much.

I have Pisces Mars and while it can be challenging, I think that as you get older you'll see how useful it can be too :) I see that people often think Pisces Mars is vulnerable and fragile but I believe as we age many Pisces Mars individuals get tougher and learn how to use positive sides of their Mars sign to their advantage - you'll learn how to adapt to any situation, even really bad ones and you'll see how resilient and intuitive you'll get over time. The neuroticism also slowly goes down too haha.

In my opinion, just be patient and work on becoming the best version of yourself. Daydreaming about success and wishing it to happen soon won't make it happen, determination and focus even after you fail many times will!! You have beautiful placements - Jupiter in the 4th house (you might have a very nice family one day, good relationship with your children!!), Jupiter in Capricorn can indicate career success too, Jupiter trine Venus could make you attract a very nice romantic partner (and it also could mean you could have many romantic choices). You have Jupiter square node with could indicate that you might have some karmic debts, but once you pay them off things could start going your way (and once you learn your life lesson).

It will get better, hang on!!

[suuuupernovaaa]

syä’ä

syä’ä [ˈsjæ.ʔæ] adj. bitter

Anonymous Request: Can I request a Tonowari imagine with his female mate who has just started seeing him and she is a very strong person who keeps everything to herself like her feelings, stresses and worries in general and relies on herself for everything and only trusts herself and over time Tonowari realises this and brings it up with her one day and she gets defensive and angry at him before pushing him away aggressively and leaving him alone in their home? [Request cut short for space].

In this story, Tonowari and Jake are both early 20s, and have been lifelong friends.

If I had to pick one word to describe our clan, it would maybe be 'harmonious' or possibly 'joyful', maybe 'peaceful'.

Basically, our people were a happy people. Our clan was tight-knit, supportive, and our daily work was meaningful, as were the relationships we formed with the wildlife around us.

Most Metkayina were full of joy. I tried to be the same, but found it difficult.

My father was the only bitter and hateful man in the clan, and no one was really sure why. Some whispered that he hadn't gotten the woman he wanted, some whispered of an illness in his mind, but I had long stopped caring the reason why.

Especially now that he was dead.

What mattered was how his bitterness had effected me. His mate, my mother, had died young, leaving just he and I. And though the clan was supportive, and we were surrounded by help and happiness, something about having such an unstable father had caused me to feel isolated and lonely as a child, and as I grew, I distanced myself from most people around me.

Tonowari was the closest person to me, and yet still, I was never completely sure of him. I had said yes to being his mate, and I had been truly happy around him for quite some time but... something was missing.

It was as if I was waiting for the facade to fall. I was waiting for Tonowari to turn his back on me, to become angry, harsh and bitter, because that was all I really knew from the men I had lived with.

After a long and particularly frustrating day, the kind of day where many small inconveniences add up to create one large problem, I return home in a terrible mood.

Tonowari is already there, sharpening his spear as something cooks over the fire. It smells amazing, but my mood is so sour that I have no real interest in eating.

With a sigh, I hang up my net and spear, and sit down across the pod from my mate.

"What troubles you?" he asks, his voice light and his handsome brow furrowed.

"I'm fine, Tonowari," I reply, but there is an edge to my voice, just a little bite, and I feel guilty immediately. It isn't Tonowari's fault, and he's only trying to help, but the thought of burdening him with my complaining sends chills down my spine.

I had not been allowed to complain, growing up. It was a grave error I'd only made once.

"Tell me, Y/N," Tonowari replies, stepping closer and holding out a plate of food.

"I'm not hungry. Thank you."

"Y/N, why do you never... talk to me?" he asks.

"We are talking now."

He sets the plate of food down, and kneels down in front of me. "We talk, but never about anything important. You never tell me how you feel, what you are thinking. You never confide in me when you are upset. You keep me far away." He places his hand over his heart. "I want you to let me in."

A mixture of absolute panic and anger bubbles up inside of me, and I rise to my feet. "You do not know what you ask, Tonwari!" I reply, and before I can say anything I regret further, I exit our pod so that I can cry in peace and quite.

--

Tonowari tosses the fishing net out and sighs. "I don't know, Jake. Every time I try to really talk to her, it ends in a fight."

Jake rubs his hand over his mouth, thinking. "Well... wasn't her father sort of, abusive?"

Tonowari watches the net sink, then turns to look at his friend. "He was a cold and hard man. He found this life unfair. Y/N barely speaks of him, but there is talk. Talk that he was harsh to her, unfeeling and mean."

"Yeah, I had an old man like that too. It can really mess you up. She's probably worried if she, you know, bothers you, you'll get unfeeling and mean too."

Tonowari holds the weight of his net in his hand, staring out at the early evening son, and begins to see his mate in a new light.

--

When he returns home that evening, Y/N is there already, by the fire, preparing a meal that looks very large.

He knows this means she's sorry, but 'sorry' isn't something she says often. Now he wonders, what did her father do to her when she apologized?

Enough is enough, he decides, and without a word, he kneels down before his mate and pulls her hands away from their busy task, holding them in his.

She turns, eyes wide, and stares at him.

"I am going to speak, and you are going to listen, just for a moment," Tonowari says, his voice shaking only a little. "I want to apologize to you, Yawne. I don't know the full extent of what your father has done to you, but I do know that he was a bitter, angry, terrible man. And that has hurt you. I can't change that, but I can spend every day of our life together showing you that I am not him. Do you know how much joy I find in you? How happy I am to see you every day? You could never burden me, or anger me so much that I would harm you, or do anything to make me stop loving you and caring for you."

He scoots a little closer to her, and places her palms on his chest.

"I will never grow tired of you. I will never think less of you. I will always be a safe place for you, Yawne, and a safe place for our children. They will be raised with all the love and joy that you did not have, but should have. I promise you this."

He sees the tears in her eyes, and they are reflected in his.

She moves her hands up to his shoulders, and grips tightly. "I had a hard day yesterday, Tonowari. I... it wasn't one thing, it was many small, very annoying things, that added up to be one big, terrible day. And all I wanted to do when I got home was tell you about it, but I thought you might tell me to stop complaining, that no one will ever walk to talk to me if I complain so much."

Tonowari grabs her waist, shaking his head. "Did your father say this to you?"

She nods.

"I would listen to you complain all night, if you wanted to. I would listen to anything you have to say." Tonowari's heart swells; this is the most she has ever divulged to him, and he can tell how difficult it is for her. He wants to tread lightly, to not push too hard. "My love for you is unconditional, Y/N. You don't have to earn it by behaving a certain way, or saying the right things. You can just be yourself."

She falls forward into his arms, and he holds her tightly to his chest. Though she's quiet, he can feel the sobs shaking her body, so small compared to his. Slowly, he pulls her down so they are laying together, and her head is on his chest. He feels her breathing slow as she calms down, and he runs his fingers through her thick hair.

"I won't push you too hard, Y/N. I know I have been pushing you. I just want you to feel safe, to know that you can trust me."

She looks up at him with red eyes and wet cheeks, but there is something about the look on her face... she looks relaxed, he realizes. Y/N is always so tense, and right now, she isn't. She's tired, and she's relaxed. He hopes it means she feels safe here with him.

"Thank you, Tonowari. I am... grateful for you."

He leans down, pressing a soft, warm kiss to her forehead. "Sleep now. You're tired. We will talk more anytime you want to."

Within minutes, she's asleep. Tonowari stays awake as long as he can, holding her tightly, thanking Eywa for the gift of this perfect mate.

[sunflowerdroplet]

Bitter Memory

(Just a fic from my ao3 account)

“Well, the babies are finally asleep…” mumbled Mario as he tossed another log into the campfire. He hadn’t received a response to this, but he wasn’t surprised by that, what, with Luigi still giving him the silent treatment. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, looking at the lump that was his younger brother curled up in his sleeping-bag.

“Can you talk to me now, Luigi?”

No response.

“C’mon Luigi…”

*Sniffle*

“Please Weegee…” started the red-clad brother, making sure to keep his voice down so not to wake the babies. “…Anyone would’ve gotten angry at you for making babies cry…!”

The younger brother’s head finally popped free from his sleeping-bag, hair messy and teary blue eyes blazing. “And anyone would get angry if they got hit in the head with a giant hammer!” Luigi yelled back in a harsh whisper. “Even worse when your older baby sibling laughs at you afterwards!”

Mario’s head tilted in confusion. “Laughed at you? When did—I don’t remember doing that…?”

“Well, you did,” Luigi huffed and returned to his original position, his back turned to his older sibling. “Some big brother you are…” he mumbled.

Mario flinched hard at his brother’s words. That…really hurt. But then again, so would getting hit with a hammer. Moving from his spot by the fire, he approached his brother and settled by his side. Cautiously, he placed a hand where Luigi’s shoulder would be under his sleep sack. “…Weegee?” He didn’t respond but didn’t shake off his hand either. “C-Can you look at me, please?” Still no response. Mario could feel his heart aching the longer Luigi kept quiet. “…Weegee, do you…still love me?”

That got Luigi’s attention. In an instant, the younger brother was sitting up, head once again free from his bedding. “Of course, I still love you!” Luigi exclaimed, barely keeping his voice down. “I wouldn’t stop loving you for any reason!”

“Weegee…” Mario whispered, throwing his arms around his brother, hugging him tightly. Luigi tried to hug him back, but his arms were trapped inside his sleeping-bag. He made a frustrated whine which caused Mario to laugh and pull his cocooned brother into his lap. The younger squirmed a bit before settling comfortably with his head resting on Mario’s shoulder. The pair rested like that in a peaceful silence until Mario broke it.

“I have vague memories of when we fell down that hole, you know? Not as an adult, but when we were children. I remember…seeing you and myself laying motionless on the ground. I ran over to you first because, well, even as a baby you were still my top priority. I tried waking you up by talking to you and calling your name, but you wouldn’t respond!” He held his brother tighter as his voice took on a softer, almost child-like tone. “I was worried. So, so worried. You weren’t moving, you weren’t waking up! I was so scared that you wouldn’t ever wake up…!”

Luigi quickly realized that Mario was caught up in a flashback. It took him an embarrassing ten seconds to free his arms from his constricting sleep sack before he wrapped his arms around his now trembling brother. He too could vaguely remember the incident though he could only remember feeling upset because his older baby brother was upset. Clearly, Mario was more affected by the memory than he was.

“…That’s the only reason why I hit you with the hammer. I couldn’t think of anything else. And when I saw you back on your feet again, I was happy and relieved, b-but then you…”

“…But then I got angry with you…” Luigi finished for him, running a hand through Mario’s hair. Guilt filled him for misunderstanding his brother’s actions. How could he ever think Mario, at any age, would ever intentionally harm him? “I’m sorry, Mario. You must’ve been scared.” He kissed the other on the forehead and said, “You’re the best brother anyone could have!”

Mario felt something settle inside of him at his brother's words, an old wound finally healed. “And I’m sorry for getting angry at you as well. I guess I was still a little bitter from the memory…”

“You’re forgiven.” Luigi brought their foreheads together and looked deep into his twin’s eyes. “I love you, Mario.”

“I love you, too, Luigi.”

The two stayed cuddled up with one another before it was time for them to head to bed. Who knew what dangers awaited them once the sun rose? But no matter what, the two pairs of brothers would face them confidently together.

THE END

Extra:

"Hey Baby Mario," greets Luigi, bending down and picking up the child.

"Hm?" Baby Mario squeaked, head tilted as he looked up at the older man.

"I wanted to apologize to you and baby me for making you guys cry the other day. I understand now. You were only trying to help me, right?"

The red-clad baby eagerly nodded his head, innocent eyes shining up at him. "Mm-hm! Mm-hm!"

Luigi smiled brightly and kissed Baby Mario on the forehead. "Thank you for helping me, baby big brother! You're a true hero!"

"Weegee!" Baby Mario exclaimed, happily hugging Luigi.

A few feet away stood adult Mario with Baby Luigi. He smiled at the scene, and touched his touched his heart. The residual pain finally fading away completely. "Hmm?" he thought, feeling something tug at his shirt. He looked down to see Baby Luigi had a hold on it. "What is it, Baby Weegee?"

The green clad toddler proceeded to point at Luigi and Baby Mario before pointing to himself, more specifically, his forehead.

Mario laughed. "Of course, you deserve a kiss, too!"

"Woo-hoo!"

[beyondthetemples-ooc]

(Teen Titans T.erra thoughts, unfavorable and bitter. Turning reblogs off because I'm not here to discourse, just try putting a little bit of my Internal Conflict to bed for my own posterity.)

I finally figured out how to succinctly sum up the reason I'm still bitter towards T.erra. It only takes four little words:

"Cool motive. Still murder."

Approximately 20 years after seeing the Aftershock episodes the night they aired (because pt. I was the very first time I remember Seeing the End Live and Eagerly Awaiting Next Week's Episode), I watched it with my roomies tonight. Both parts, at least halfway at my behest because, while we normally only watch one episode, I told them "I want to get it over with."

My feelings on the T.erra story used to be a lot more pure.

(Pure vitriol, that is. When I was in elementary school, I used to sing the show's themesong with a modified line: "Never met a villain that they liked... EXCEPT T.ERRA!")

Some (some) of the Bastard-ness of what S|ade was doing to her escaped me as a child. I won't get into it now, but I grew up in an abusive household, and it kind of... didn't register as So Wrong to me? Just like "oh yeah, that's how authority figures treat kids." Indignant but not outright Horrific.

Tonight might actually be the first time I've watched the episode with a Mature Adult Understanding of how relationships with adults are Supposed to look like. Seeing it for the horror of removing autonomy especially. Or, trying to anyways. It's like Beast Boy said: She Always Had a Choice.

That doesn't change my feelings on the matter one bit.

After these episodes aired, I didn't rewatch them unless one of the other kids in the house wanted it. (My oldest younger sister in particular was always really fond of T.erra.) But I didn't like T.erra. I didn't like this story. It made me angry, it made me sad. Seeing Raven lose control has always been a kryptonite bullet to my hard-earned emotional stability. I watched pt. I at my best friend's house once and literally RAN around his house to burn off the emotional energy. Maybe I was yelling too. I was certainly rambling. Just... I've always had a Strong reaction to that.

So I've really only had an (admittedly acute) memory of seeing those episodes a handful of times and the very occasional, passing thought to dedicate to the show's rendition of a story that burns every bit as harshly in the comics, too.

I never really thought or talked about it unless someone else brought it up. I never really processed it. I knew what I felt on the matter and that was that.

A few years ago, I wound up talking (more to myself than whoever was trying to argue with me, it seemed) through all the reasons I don't think that whatever she went through EXCUSES HER BEHAVIOR. I very adamantly think there is NO excuse to betray your friends like that. I don't care WHAT situation you're in, betrayal is a conscious decision and maybe it's not well thought out, but when you make a choice, you get to own the consequences of your decision. When you hurt people with the things you do, you're responsible for that. You're the one at fault. You're the one who has to deal with it, and you're the one who has to bear the consequences.

The only reason I talked myself through that was because someone accused me of victim blaming, because I don't like T.erra. I actually hadn't even made one of my More Impassioned rants about her? I just wrote that I thought Malchior's betrayal had to sting Raven especially deeply when you consider that she'd already been stung by Terra half a season ago. And somebody came into my askbox like "Why do you hate T.erra?"

Cue an argument. A really pointless argument. You're not going to change my mind on her. I'm not missing anything. I can sympathize and empathize and feel all the pity and sorrow and loss for everything she suffered, and still hold her accountable for her actions.

I'm an abuse victim, too! I've had people manipulate me and convince me to do The Wrong Thing, too! The difference is I don't HIDE from what happened; I face it and make amends where I can and I DECIDED to TAKE BACK CONTROL!

I simply don't LIKE T.erra; her personality grates me and her attitude when she was fully on S|ade's side was absolutely abysmal. It's all subjective, really. But I won't get over it because there wasn't really closure, and any resolution would have to be as equally powerful as the crime to which I hold Hurting One's Friends On Purpose-- something unforgivable to me, and she never even apologized. She never made any move to make amends, to make sure they were okay.

Presuming the girl in the last episode was her (another episode I hate to think about), she just. Ran away. Never even said goodbye. Never put a thought towards how they were doing, to see what they'd done without her, to make amends or even make sure they were okay. She fucked off to do her own thing. She's selfish.

It's even harder to forgive somebody when they don't apologize.

And I see no reason to soften what she did.

Maybe I'm bitter and maybe I'm unforgiving for it, but I'm okay with that.

Cool motive, T.erra. Still murder.

[badpostureart]

Message in a Bottle II

For anon, who asked my thoughts about the character arcs of the primary characters in Free!

My first impression of Rin was not good. I remember thinking, “Who the hell does this guy think he is?” But by the end of the first season, I found out exactly who he is, and I adored him (and still do). Much like how he swims, Rin tends to strike out boldly but loses steam the longer he goes. This is to say that the guy has a hard time pacing himself—he expects too much too soon and becomes disappointed when his abilities fall short of his ambition. Rin’s skill is mostly the result of hard work and dedication as opposed to natural talent, and as he got older, he became increasingly aware of his own shortcomings despite always giving his best. This dampened his carefree spirit and left bitterness and anger in its place—anger at himself for failing to meet his own expectations, followed by anger for being so angry in the first place. I think that Rin internalized the notion that he had to do it all alone, lest he prove himself unworthy of sharing a dream with his father. If his childhood rival could still beat him despite not training and despite being away from him, then he thought he must just not be good enough. The turning point for Rin was being reminded by Haru that they’re stronger together—a truth Rin imparted to Haru back in middle school.

I believe that anger and passion are sisters—the difference between them is their connotation. Anger denotes negativity while passion denotes positivity, but both are indicative of strong feelings either way. Rin is made up entirely of strong feelings. They manifest in the form of goading words, toothy grins, volatile outbursts, and hot tears—all marvellous and all quintessentially Rin. At the end of the day, his biggest hurdle is himself. In his own words, “In competitions, my weakness comes out. I have to win against myself first.” He tends to bite off more than he can chew, and he ends up choking. And yet, the same desire to want to bite down in the first place is what compels him to keep trying and what pushes him to achieve his ambitions. Rin is as dynamic as they come, contradictions abound. It’s contagious.

~~~~

Out of everyone, I’ve taken perhaps the most care and consideration when writing about Haru. Maybe because he’s unconventional and a bit odd, it felt especially important to try to understand him on his own terms. While Haru gives the impression that he’s unfeeling and uninterested, he has a complex inner world that he struggles to articulate to others. He understands the weight of a statement like “I only swim free,” and isn’t the type to say more than he needs to. The problem is that the whole meaning of what he says, while obvious to him, is often lost on others. As a result, Haru often feels misunderstood because he assumes the people around him know how he feels without explicitly being told, when, in reality, they don’t and can’t.

Throughout the entire series, Haru has grappled with being vulnerable, both to the people around him and privately to himself. He’s never said so aloud, but I think Haru spent a good part of his adolescence feeling really lonely. His sense of normalcy involved being unsure that the people who exited his life would actually come back. Maybe admitting to loneliness aloud would just make his feelings all the more real, and he prides himself on being strong and self-sufficient, so acknowledging that feeling wasn’t something he could afford to do. By the time he was a teenager, Haru looked largely numb to the world around him. He went through the motions simply so that he could go home and wish his life away from the bathtub. Once bitten, twice shy, Haru was afraid to let people in because he knew it could hurt both ways. He wasn’t aloof because he didn’t care, it was because he cared so much that it scared him.

Why does he swim and what is it that he swims for? The short answer is love. Haru comes alive when he swims. He’s fully present. It’s the place he goes to hide from himself and it’s the place he’s laid bare and exposed completely. I can’t think of little Haru crying without tearing up myself. He’s got all this love in him, but he doesn’t know how to name it, let alone how to convey it to other people.

It’s incredibly hard not to feel proud of Haru and how he’s grown up. The moments where he’s brave and he vocalizes his gratitude, his fears, and his desires are some of the best moments of the series. The simplest way to plot Haruka’s growth is his willingness to swim in different roles—from soloing in free to being the anchor in the medley to doing all the strokes in university. Throughout it all, Haru is Haru—and he’s pretty damn special.  

~~~~

It’s hard to explain why I like Makoto the least out of the main five. His arc centres around his own cowardice or a general lack of self-confidence, but many of his fears are so circumstantial that they won’t follow him around everywhere. He has a fear of bugs, ghosts, the ocean…big deal. Those aren’t things he has to confront on a daily basis. The big one was the fear of water, or of some unknown evil lurking within. This fear never really stopped Makoto from doing anything though, it just meant Haru had to come along too. In the second volume of the Starting Days light novel, there’s a poignant scene where Makoto leaves the house and goes to a place “where Haru isn’t”—the beach. When Haru finds him and asks what he’s doing there, Makoto says, “I wanted to make sure that I would be alright, even if you weren’t here… Would you be alright even if I weren’t here?” In this instance, Makoto is asking whether or not he can stand on his own two feet because he wonders, without Haru, would all he be is fear?

The answer, of course, is no—fear is not Makoto’s defining characteristic. Although he may be unsure of himself at times, the proof is in the proverbial pudding. He can cope with Haru being away and he has the chops to coach others. Makoto’s self-doubt has never held him back from achieving success—save for being unable to be the one to save Rei from drowning out in the ocean, I guess? Still, he was supportive of others while he was afraid, and he was supportive of others when he wasn’t.      

Perhaps because I never saw much fight in Makoto (as there was no internal conflict that caused him external grief or affected his relationships), I don’t feel like he developed as a character at all. You know exactly what you’re gonna get when it comes to Makoto. That predictability, while comfortable to some, is boring and frustrating to others. The only glimpse of a different side of Makoto I saw that wasn’t his usual upturned eyebrows was during the water gun fight at Samezuka’s cultural festival. Only for a moment did Makoto seem competitive and unnerving…but it was only for a game.

~~~~

Although he seemed quite cold at the outset, Rei revealed himself to be highly emotive and flamboyant. Rationality and the sublime are usually treated as polar opposites, but Rei embodies both simultaneously. Indeed, he employs theory and calculation explicitly in the pursuit of beauty. His arc deals with self-acceptance and celebrating the things that others perceive as a deficit—his neuroticism, his need to check and double check, and to overprepare. In learning to swim the butterfly, Rei came into his own. Not even he can articulate why, but it was initially the only stroke he could do. The closest thing to an explanation I can think of was that in being taught by the other guys, Rei was trying too hard to live up to the way they swim. Since he had no preconceptions about what the butterfly was supposed to be, he was able to claim ownership over the stroke and do it his own way. Oftentimes, the most precious things are the ones a person struggles to explain.

I think out of everyone, Rei’s admiration of Haru is the purest, because he doesn’t admire his ability to swim, per se. The thing he admires is Haru’s authenticity. Rei knows what it’s worth to live in a way that’s true to oneself because that’s the thing he’s been apprehensive to do since he was a little kid. Essentially, Rei is a spectacled dork. He’s theatrics as much as he is analytical, and the coalescence of these things is beautiful.

~~~

Nagisa’s problems lived in the background where nobody else could really see them. He’s cheeky and his positivity is infallible, but he struggled with finding a (school) work/life balance and preferred to run away from it, hoping that the issue would resolve itself naturally. This wasn’t to be. The short of it was that academics made him miserable. He scored fine in middle school, but all he did was study and so he developed an aversion to it by the time he got to high school. This is to say that Nagisa’s problem is excess, or an inability to do things in moderation. Since he was the one to promote a “come as you are” attitude to Rei before he joined the swim club, it was only natural he return the favour and remind Nagisa that his weaknesses can also be his strengths. The same dedication and tenacity Nagisa applied to the swim club’s recruitment can be applied to standing up for himself to his parents and for finding a way to make schoolwork manageable without sacrificing his happiness in the process.

Nagisa brings his dreams and schemes to life, and he has the uncanny ability to thaw the hearts of those prone to stoicism. He’s just so cute you can’t help but want to look after him!

~~~~

As for which character arc I think is my favourite…it’s hard to say. The most obvious and dramatic was the change I saw in Rin. My feelings toward him did a complete 180, making him my obvious favourite character overall. Anyone who can invoke the full range of emotions is someone really special. I think the person who grew the most, however, is Haru. Comparatively speaking, Haru’s growth was subtle and quiet—it swelled. When I think of him, I feel proud. His hesitancy to be vulnerable is going to be a lifelong struggle for him. He’s going to be misunderstood and he’s going to have to be brave in order to be heard and seen properly. I understand why Haru has so many admirers. It’s bigger than just swimming—a sentiment that governs the whole series and is precisely what has kept me invested in it after all this time. It’s all a big allegory for being true to yourself and authentic with others, I’m telling you! And maybe I’m reading too much into a sports anime and ought to drop the red string and take down the corkboard, but this is who I am, damn it!