#like I feel like I'm being gaslit on a lot of levels. I'm really good at understanding/remembering lore with fantasy and these books make m

[babisawyer]

I'm gonna be honest I think iron flame is cruel and unusual punishment.

[alexanderlightweight]

Work absolutely sucks right now. Micromanagement from corporate to a whole new level, and I'm so tired and feel like I'm being gaslit. And no matter how much I try to boost their spirits, my staff have already shed some tears from the stress. Hell, I want to cry sometimes.

So, for Writing Wednesday? Something fun?

Maybe happy Malec in Tethers of Fate (which I adore even if it didn't get enough love in your poll), either while Magnus was wooing Alec at the Spiral Labyrinth or after they're wed?

Or indulgent Malec in Taste of Your Magic. I love Dragon!Alec and Cat!Magnus and navigating their cultural differences. And something about Alec doing everything he can to stay in Magnus' presence is just lovely and cozy.

Or domestic Bitter Trap of Truth. There is something almost silly fun about Magnus being paranoid while Alec is just living his best life bc he gets to indulge in his pretty husband.

I think I would prefer NSFW but I will be just as happy with SFW if that's not what you're feeling like.

Thank you 💙

okay so, that sounds absolutely like a completely and total fucking nightmare. and It sounds like you're trying to keep it together for everyone around you who are barely holding on, while also trying to hold on but having to be the strong one. and if you feel like you're being gaslit then you're probably being gaslit. is there someone you know who has your back you can present the situation to? someone who can be protective of you (because that is important, it makes up for the works lack of protection) and look at something somewhat objectively?

because in a position like a job where work often doesn't care about the workers, please remember to add a little extra to your 'i'm allowed these boundaries' since you need to compensate for what work should but doesn't do. I really hope things get better because no one should be going through that and its awful that you're having to both go through it and protect others going through it but also good job for trying to protect others because that is wonderful and you're doing amazing even when it feels like it's not enough! okay! you're trying your damned best!!

oh gosh, I promise I was teasing about the pole! I was surprised because i've had a lot of prompts concerning it, but it also made sense because pray to the hunters is pretty intensely loved even though I thought it would be pretty out of everyones comfort zone. I love to be wrong in these scenarios tho. but also tethers is a pretty domestic fic so far and I think that influences things because less intrigue in some ways?

i'm connecting dots like I know what i'm doing but there may not even be a picture lol

um I promise that this is happy. Magnus and Alec have a mutually teasing slightly not actually antagonistic flirtationship going on in this verse before they settle domestically. but also Alec is very much a brat in this fic. also he knows he's a brat but also he was kind of spoiled as a kid and he's fine with it. so like when Alec seems like a yowling cat he's actually pretty fucking pleased

Magnus adores his brat and doesn't mind the bratting but also he has goals. because otherwise Magnus might not ever see alec again once he leaves.

uhm NSFW and kinky blowjobs with blood kink and claiming and marking and shit, 3DNE probably knowing how I write

I hope you enjoy <3 which always feels hilarious to write on smut but like I say the same on everything.

oh this is Magnus wooing Alec in the spiral labyrinth. which is a very delicate trap to create.

... I promise malec is happy they're just kinky i'm sorry. 100% send me an ask if this didn't send the vibes you needed

lumine

tethers of fate

“Hello darling, don’t you look charming.” 

And Alexander does, despite the fact that Magnus wants to wipe away the glitter shimmering on his cheekbones or burn away the little crown of vines on his brow.

Those are claims of Arawn. Physical symbols of his ties to Alexander and also the unseelie king’s claim on the wild magic that flows through Alexander’s veins as if it were blood.

Magnus catches a brown curl around his finger and twines it, pulling it in a little tug before letting it go.  There’s barely any spring to it but his fingers ache to return and so he does, memorizing every pattern and curl on Alexander’s head as his darling diligently reads a scroll.

Finally, when Magnus is beginning to feel like he’ll run out of patience before he runs out of hair, Alexander looks up.

The green specks of his eyes are enchanting, a vibrant, insidious green that lurks in a kaleidoscope of hazel colors.  It’s unnatural and enticing, as are the strange vine and bone tattoos that spread across Alexander’s body.

“For someone who told me to read this scroll, you’re not exactly making it easy.” 

Magnus ignores the taunt because why on earth would he ever make anything easy for Alexander when he could instead make it fun.

“The scroll will still be there tomorrow, but who knows when we’ll next have a moment together. Tell me, what is your full name, darling?” Because while Alexander may not be a fae in blood, he is fae in nature.

Alexander looks at him curiously, clearly wondering why Magnus wants to know but unaware that he’s beholden by the same rules of Arawn’s court.

“No one knows.” Is the answer he’s given and Alexander’s lips quirk mischievously, “I came to tad with my name and nothing else. All other titles are presents and honors bestowed upon me.”

Magnus pretends to believe him and leave it at that for now and instead upends the bag he’d brought with him on the desk. Letting a series of magical instruments fall across the surface.

“Oh, what are these?” Alexander sounds delighted, that cat-like curiosity of his ignited the moment Magnus touches anything or brings him something. 

Magnus watches as Alexander’s hand wavers over a witchlight for a moment before he quickly moves his palm, yet it’s enough for Magnus to see the soft glow that forms and fades almost too quickly to see.

Alexander is running his fingers over a wind-whistle and it’s clear he’s trying to be nonchalant, the tips of his ears pink and the furrow of his brow overly pronounced.

But Magnus saw it and in a move that should be impossible Magnus strokes against Alexander’s aura with a drop of grace, defiled though it may be. Against his magic Magnus feels the soul-touch of a nephilim bloom and he pauses, hardly daring to believe he was right.

It shouldn’t be possible, but Magnus has spent enough time around and helping Tessa to unearth hidden secrets meant to be forgotten.

Arawn’s favored son is nephilim blooded.  

No wonder he’s so rabidly protective of Alexander.  No matter how it came about, it happened and Alexander’s a walking treasure trove of pure wild magic and raw power that could overpower most rituals that would drain others. Not only that, he has the kind of power in his blood that people would kill for.

“Alexander,” Magnus purrs, because it’s more important than ever that he gets answers. “You must have some idea of what your name was. Who you are, at your core.”

Alexander laughs, unaware of Magnus’ realization and ignoring Magnus’ attempts to cut into him, as if the thought has never occurred or mattered to him.

“I have dozens of names from my kin and a title only my father knows. The kind of name you speak of is unimportant with the wealth I have. Who I am, at my core, is a child of Arawn and that will never change no matter a name.”

Magnus realizes that he means it. 

Whatever life Alexander has and is living, it’s fulfilling enough that he doesn’t care who he is, who he was born to be. For Magnus who has run from his lineage but always comes back to it, it’s an odd perspective and it makes his plans more difficult. 

Magnus carefully and casually locks the wards of the library into place. He has permission, not only as an Elder and king but specifically since he’s considered a lure for Alexander.

The council wants to maintain access to Alexander and once he’s done studying here, Magnus doubts Arawn will let him come back. It took contracts and oaths sworn and vows upheld for the unseelie king to allow it at all and that was before the Elder’s realized the gem that Alexander is.

The moment the Elder’s realized that Magnus wanted Alexander and that the interest and chemistry was mutual, they gave Magnus full reign of their resources. Ever better, rather than simply give him access to research, they’re letting him woo Alexander while they research for him.

Every night Magnus retires to his room here and finds a desk full of rituals, some he knows, others he’s vaguely heard of and still more he’s never seen before.  All in the hopes that he will find a ritual that can tie Alexander to him in a way that Arawn cannot cut.

It only works because Magnus’ interest is selfish. For personal greed and desire, a lust and interest that focuses on Alexander as an individual rather than his powers, that allow them to circumvent the oaths this much at all.

Arawn cut off every avenue to his son but the routes of emotions and carnal hunger.

The elder’s don’t even know that Alexander is nephil blooded and yet, to try and give Magnus every opportunity — they’ve even been providing him rituals that will work on those with not just angelic but specifically nephil blood. Just that morning Magnus had memorized a diagram he’d thought would be useless but now he realizes he can use it this moment, as blood calls to blood.

Magnus lets power swell in his veins and then he kisses Alexander, harshly and hastily.  A storm finally unleashed as magic pools beneath his skin and Alexander meets him, laughing and wild and just as fierce as he kisses back.

Their teeth clash, fangs equally sharp and cutting on each other’s lips and tongues and blood smears between them as a diagram forms in the staccato beat of their pounding hearts. A name Magnus shouldn’t know and he knows is dangerous to say lingers on his tongue, coated in the blood he coaxed from Alexander’s mouth and when he pulls back he laughs.

Alexander smiles at him, already healed, his pink tongue licking away the remaining red on his lips. It’s clear he knows Magnus wanted to taste his blood and he’s pleased by it, even if he doesn’t know why. However before he can ask Magnus smirks and Alexander frowns, eyes narrowing as if he can sense the danger in Magnus’ glee.

Magnus leans forward and murmurs a name swallowed by an unholy scream that echoes in the room with a gust of wind before it’s gone.

Alexander’s eyes are wide, staring at Magnus as if he’s appointed up a rift to a void realm, rather than just claim Alexander in the most basic of fae truths.

“You’re not supposed to know that name.” Alexander snaps out of his surprise, a scowl forming on his plush lips. “That name was eaten by time for a reason, Magnus. It’s not my fate to know that life. I don’t want anything to do with it.”

“But it’s my fate to claim it. All the possibilities and truths of it, though I will never again speak it if you wish.”

Magnus kisses him again and despite his irritation Alexander kisses back, as if he’s just been waiting this whole time for Magnus to move forward and claim another taste.

After a moment Alexander bites his mouth, pulling back and looking at him with a sigh. “Don’t say that name again, Malphas. I don’t want to know it.”

Alexander kisses sweetly this time, tender and untamed under Magnus’ bruising grip and teeth. The declaration that he knows the name Magnus’ father gave him rather than the name Magnus chose isn’t a surprise.

But it delightful, how he speaks Magnus name without fear. Just after Magnus spoke his own.

However now that Magnus has said it, tasted and claimed it, he can promise never to speak of its existence again, just as Alexander wishes.

It’s a quiet vow that Magnus swears as Alexander kisses his jaw and cheeks. Magnus seals it with his mouth, kissing Alexander until he’s whining against him, mouth panting in open supplication against Magnus’ own.

It’s with a desperate need that Magnus uses magic to shove away the desk and scatter books, no matter how old or valuable they are. Alexander’s pants open under his touch, the butter-smooth leather parting under fingers until he can touch skin and bare Alexander’s cock to the air.

Magnus doesn’t let Alexander overthink it.  

The fact that Magnus knows his name even if he vowed it away, or that he’s about to taste him. Magnus doesn’t bother with foreplay, swallowing around Alexander and humming deep in his throat. Teasing Alexander’s balls with his fingers and using just a hint of teeth when he can.

There’s a vine that peeks out from under Alexander’s shirt, following down his happy trail to disappear in a curl of leaves on the crease of his groin.  It’s branded to Alexander’s skin in a tattoo that shimmers and Magnus’ nails bite into it.  Alexander gasps, hands tight in Magnus’ hair but neither pulling him away or complaining.  Instead he squirms, hips trying to thrust from where he’s pinned between the chair and Magnus’ hands and magic.

“Magnus, your tongue. Fuck I wouldn’t even care if your piercing was iron the way it feels.” Alexander groans and then he whines in complaint as Magnus stays still. A heel kicks at Magnus thigh and Magnus uses magic to keep Alexander’s legs still and snared to the chair even as Alexander writhes and swears at him in a variety of fae curses.

He can’t fuck Magnus’ throat the way he desperately wants to like this, can only sit there and take it as Magnus teases him. 

When he’s done Alexander won’t be able to look at Magnus’ mouth without imaging it on him, on his cock and his skin and marking him with his teeth.

Alexander whines as Magnus flicks the ball-piercing on his tongue against his slit and then groans when Magnus pulls back, spit and precome connecting them until Magnus licks his lips.

“Don’t you taste divine,” Magnus chuckles, flicking out his tongue and smirking as Alexander’s gaze is drawn to the piercing and his mouth. “Kiss me, sweetheart?”

Alexander bends down, kissing him desperately, tasting himself on Magnus’ tongue until the magic pushes him back, pinning him down again. 

“I can’t be so greedy and not share. You’ve probably never tasted yourself. Have you?” Alexander shakes his head and looks like he can’t decide between demanding another kiss or Magnus’ mouth back on his dick.  Luckily for him, Magnus has already picked for both of them what to do.

“Magnus!”

Alexander’s voice is desperate and he whines when Magnus rubs his cheek against Alexander’s cock. His sweet boy keens when stubble catches on sensitive skin and he whines in relief when the burn is soothed with Magnus’ tongue.

Magnus takes him back in his mouth, swallowing him down to the base, until his nose presses against Alexander’s shirt and his boy can feel every swallow and pulse of his throat around him.

Alexander comes helplessly, fingers tight like bands around Magnus’ wrists from where he’s pinned Alexander’s thighs open with his hands.

Alexander holds onto him as if clinging tightly to Magnus can keep him anchored as Magnus swallows around him. Ignoring when Alexander murmurs his name and then the louder pleas for him to stop as they turn into a series of demanding threats and curses even as Alexander does nothing to actually stop him.  They both know he could and would, if he didn’t ache and yearn at the feeling of Magnus unraveling him to the core.

It isn’t until Alexander is trembling beneath him, thighs shaking and soaked with sweat and pants drenched that Magnus stops and looks up.

Alexander glares at him, face flushed and eyes shiny with tears.  His lips are swollen from where he’s bitten them and he’s looking down like Magnus is a god trying to destroy him.

Magnus chuckles, mouth full of Alexander’s soft cock and the last bit of come he’s coaxed from him and slowly pulls off.  Alexander tugs at him instantly. Pulling him into a kiss and yanking on Magnus until he’s up and in Alexander’s lap. Both of them ignore how Alexander hisses in pain from overstimulation as Magnus settles against him. Alexander’s sensitive, flaccid cock pinned between his own open pants and Magnus’ denim.

It can’t be comfortable but Alexander is more interested in licking the taste of his own come from Magnus’ mouth, whimpering against him every time Magnus shifts but only pulling him closer. 

Even when he whines like he’s going to cry again.

Magnus grinds his hips, deliberately trapping and teasing Alexander’s cock and his boy keens into their kiss. Nails an angry bite on Magnus’ neck even as Alexander only deepens the kiss.  Clearly uncaring about anything beyond the connection of their lips.

There’s a tie between them, something delicate and subtle enough that unless you know it’s there, you couldn’t find it.

Technically it shouldn’t work like this, but Magnus knows exactly what he’s doing and even this small but powerful strand is only the beginning.

Magnus has earned blood, found a name and now he’s taken a taste. 

He’s drunk straight from a well of unimaginable power and let it christen his throat and body and claimed it for himself, as if drinking from a fountain in the fae realm.

It weaves the ties between them, equal strands forming in chains from Magnus to Alexander and from Alexander to Magnus. As Magnus ensures that by the end of this, they cannot be torn from each other.

—

AN:

Alec is something of a virgin in this fic for several reasons. He’s demisexual and he gets all the platonic cuddles he wants from his family and a few friends. Like Alec isn’t touch starved, he’s completely healthy with tons of mostly healthy emotional relationships that also have a physical component. 

He’s experimented a little, this certainly isn’t his first kiss and he’s done some handjobs/grinding etc but he’s picky about who he kisses/experiments with and because of a lack of interest on his part it never goes far. Its just he typically has better things to do than kiss people or try and fuck around. He actually has more important things to do than kiss magnus rn, however his priorities are a bit skewed now and thats okay because he likes kissing magnus which raises the priority. He just kind of tolerated/enjoyed it before when he tried it out. 

No one shames him for this. Arawn would be very happy if none of his kids developed romantic feelings for other people and just fucked or didn’t fuck based on what they need/want. So Alec is very comfortable with himself and he’s interested in Magnus which makes him interested in sex with Magnus.

Also you’re not supposed to eat or drink what a fae offers you. Magnus is very secretly creating invisible webs of oaths and magics, overlapping truth and reality with myth and also words of power and string of fate and reality. So in this moment, because of how Magnus framed the situation, he technically just consumed something from a fae (even tho alec isn’t truly fae it counts because his nature is similar enough) and bound them together because it technically gives alec power over magnus. Just like magnus gained power over alec with the knowledge of his name and they gained equal understanding/power of each other when tasting their blood.

It doesn’t all fully come together just yet.

This is just one strand of the web magnus is currently weaving. And this web has to end up being a mirror image on both sides because any weakness, discrepancy, imbalance and arawn could destroy it.

[sunflower-cathedral]

Thank you for making that Stress post… it's been really bothering me how some people have been lumping her in with Iskall as if they're on the same level just because of that comment

I have to admit, I did have the same gut reaction of disappointment and betrayal to the comment that I think a lot of people had, in part because I did/do believe she's in a vulnerable position in all this, and was concerned for her safety given her radio silence.

And to be clear, it was an awful thing to say, but a single supportive comment posted from her Youtube channel after months of silence simply doesn't compare to the detailed accounts and evidence from Iskall's victims, including private evidence that was verified by the hermits, not to mention the video itself (which given how much he downplayed the allegations was as good as a confession in my eyes)

Idk I just think it's concerning considering how close they were professionally and personally, and ESPECIALLY considering many of Iskall's targets were women he worked with professionally…

I don't feel comfortable drawing conclusions when there's just so much we don't know right now. And I don't think it's for nothing that Kass said to keep Stress out of this in their statement, and that the hermits, even now, have kept all their criticisms focused on Iskall in particular.

I think those involved are trying to maintain her privacy in all of this, and I really do respect that, but I also hope she's ok, in every sense of the word.

no worries, and honestly all of what you said is exactly why I refuse to villianize or form an opinion just yet. I got crucified by some people on twitter over my disbelief of people villianizing her so fast and someone even made a tweet about me bc of it 💀

what iskall has shown in public from his 'I got cancelled' video, alongside everything he's done in private towards his mods and vh dev team, should really be enough for people to pause and actually ask: Is that actually Stress who's made the comment, Is Stress being manipulated and gaslit, and is Stress actively at risk of harm in her situation. if he's willing to do what he's done to people under his power, and so blatantly willing to play victim in a public video while blaming others and throwing everyone else under the bus, then I have no doubts he'd easily do the same towards his girlfriend if not worse.

and a lot of people also aren't aware or don't realize that she has 3 kids. it is so much harder to escape abuse with children involved. there's also the fact she's now lost a massive form of her passive income via wiping her channel clean. and while i wont discuss the reasons for this, I'm inclined to believe there's a chance she's being purposefully isolated. there's so many possibilities and different kinds of abuse she could be facing right now.

People are apathetic. there's a huge discussion that needs to be had around critical thinking, peoples inability to show emotional care towards sensitive situations like these, and just general apathy. the internet has become drastically crueler the past few years in fandom. The fact me asking people to *not support her* but at least not villianize her has been met with hate and gnashing teeth is really disappointing. it is not hard to look at the full picture. it is not hard to wait for stress to properly say something before forming an opinion. people have also come to me, just like you have with this ask but in dms instead, thanking me for my tweets/posts because they're afraid to say anything. and that's very telling. opinions like this should not be scary to post, and when I first made my tweets I was shaking super bad from anxiety haha.

and honestly? I've seen things so far that are like, people treating her worse than iskall. and at what point do you say the hatred has a pinch of misogyny in it. watching people celebrate her wiping her channel has been beyond disgusting, especially when it is a very very scary sign and hopefully the hermits are in some form of contact with her, though from what I've heard I don't have high hopes.

at the end of the day I wish a lot of people would realize the situation at hand. we don't actually know if stress made that comment in the first place and - not to go tinfoil hat on this but - they live together so he easily could've written the comment, and people could be playing into his hands just as he'd hope by reactionary hatred. Isolating Stress further by attacking her and villianizing her means that if Stress is a victim, and she gets out, she's less likely to speak up. in fact, she's drastically less likely to get out of the abuse if the villianizing hate is being shown to her/If she's seeing it herself.

remember to always think critically in regards to the full picture. never contribute to hate that can keep someone trapped in abuse if there's abuse happening.

[rollercoasterwords]

PLEASE tell us your barbie opinions!!!!! pls pls i also have opinions

happy 2 share but i will be putting it under a cut bc. a lot of people seem 2 think this movie is god's gift 2 earth and i am not in the mood 2 deal w barbie evangelists lol so if u do not want 2 see barbie movie criticism just scroll away

will preface by saying i enjoyed the movie i thought it was fun etc + i don't think there's anything wrong with enjoying it or finding it fun or even feeling very personally empowered/seen by what the movie had to say. that's all very nice on a personal level and i understand why so many people are finding the movie cathartic.

that being said i do not think the movie was feminist or subversive by a long shot and seeing so many people talk about how radical it was makes me feel like i'm being gaslit!!! like. did we watch different movies lmao. maybe i'd understand a little more why everyone was being taken in if barbie had like, gone to the real world and fought patriarchy in the movie--but she didn't even do that! they introduce the concept of real-world patriarchy only to have barbie go back to barbieland and destroy fake barbie patriarchy (which is rooted simply in one man's insecurity and easily resolved by gently encouraging him to seek self-worth outside his relationship--not exactly a cutting examination of the material investment that men have in patriarchy which makes it so difficult to challenge) and leave real-world patriarchy intact at the end (the big #feminist moment for real women is...mattel's sexist ceo saying he'll use a woman's idea for the next barbie, since he can make a lot of money off it? he doesn't even say he's going to pay her for the idea lmao).

so all in all the whole "barbie destroys patriarchy" bit of the movie just. did not feel particularly feminist to me beyond a very surface level acknowledgment that sexism exists and is bad. and like--i get that it's the barbie movie, and people could say "well of course it can't be that subversive but it did a good job for what it was!!" but i'm just like. ok yeah then let's call it what it was...instead of calling it subversive?? also every feminist message the movie tried to champion was immediately undermined by its fundamental investment in gender essentialism, which remains unchallenged throughout the whole film. like--barbies are literally canonically sexless and so u can't even try to argue that the gender binary which their society is based around is anything but 100% socially constructed, and we see that that gender binary affords privilege to some and not to others and also leads to ostracization of those who fail to conform to it, yet the happy ending of the movie is barbieland just...staying that way. and i feel like the movie then kinda says the quiet part out loud when barbie becomes a "real woman" by getting a vagina like...ok. lol

so like. even the interior politics of the film i struggle to understand how it could be considered groundbreaking feminism; and then when we zoom out and look at the material impact of the movie that just cements it as un-feminist to me. this is a really good article about the beauty standards being pushed + perpetuated by barbie marketing, and of course as with basically any hollywood movie the rich (and mostly rich men) will be getting richer, cycles of consumerism will be perpetuated, etc. honestly the "feminist" aspect of the film almost feels insidious to me in this context, as if it's meant to provide the catharsis of feeling like there's been some big challenge to patriarchy while quietly reinforcing the systems of oppression it publicly decries.

and like. at the end of the day i was not expecting barbie to be a subversive feminist film nor do i think it like...has a responsibility to be one. and it's nice that so many people feel like they're getting something out of it! but i think it's important to evaluate both the personal and societal impact of the media we're critiquing, and in that context it just seems silly to me to claim that barbie is subversive. i also find the amount of rhetoric i've seen about how the movie "encapsulates the female experience" so fucking irritating lmfao like...i am sorry but the idea that watching a group of hyperfeminine women flirt with men as a method of destroying patriarchy (<- not an exaggeration that is literally the plot. flirt with each other's boyfriends to make them jealous so they fight each other. zero lesbians in barbieland i suppose) is THE quintessential experience of #womanhood...well alright then.

anyway. there is more i could say but i am going 2 get dinner w a friend so. stopping here <3 not gonna post the link but i do have a full/in-depth review on my substack if u wanna poke around over there!

[bedlamsbard]

this whole thing about the Ahsoka show just makes me existentially sad in a way that's hard to articulate without sounding like a lunatic, and I think it's also the reason that I eventually had to leave Star Wars.

like, yeah, Star Wars had been making me angry for years and I hadn't been having a good time for a very long time by that point (June 2021), but NOTHING fucked me up like the way they were just aggressively rewriting canon while openly pretending they weren't. I could deal with it when it was just the films, because those teams weren't really related and that sort of thing is normal anyway, not to mention that I came out of the PT-era EU when TCW was just treading gleefully over the EU. that's fine. the books and comics doing things? not great, but like. the EU's always been that way. (though even before 2021 it was messing me up because Lucasfilm was swearing -- and is still swearing -- that everything is equal levels of canon. it is blatantly untrue.) Mando made me feel like I was being gaslit, made worse by the fact that it was a lot of the same team that had done TCW/Rebels, but there was still the live action/animation distinction. TCW S7 and then finally TBB was the thing that finally made me snap, because then that live action/animation distinction had collapsed and they were still doing it, and it was worse. it made me feel like I was going insane.

I'm aggressively avoiding everything about the Ahsoka show because it brings all of that up again, only worse and more hurtful, because it's just...this thing I really loved chopped up and made palatable for someone else because ~it wasn't good enough. look, I don't know what's going on in this show, I don't want to know, I won't watch it, I don't want to hear about it, but everything about it, the overwriting of everything that came before on every level, MESSES ME UP. it's wildly destabilizing. it's not a logical reaction, I'm well aware of that, I'm not having fun with it either.

(I have everything related to That Show blacklisted, but things about it sneak through on various socials, so I still know a fair amount and I've seen stills and such-like.)

there is something existentially horrifying and destabilizing, and downright cruel, about the canon itself, the cast and crew, telling you that the story they told, the thing you loved, isn't good enough as it is. I can't get over that.

(this is about Star Wars but the MCU isn't immune to it, it's just honestly better at handling it. it's one of the reasons I find the Time Heist in Endgame and portions of Phases 3-5 unbearably sloppy, but by and large it doesn't feel as abjectly cruel as Star Wars does. there are exceptions, of course.)

[candiid-caniine]

Lol I have no experience with anything sex/kink related. I grew up really sheltered and I’ve never had a partner or tried anything at all. Do you have any advice in where I should start? I’m completely clueless on everything but your kinks sound really interesting. Like I want to edge myself but I don’t even know how to make myself cum-

ouuhh one sheltered kid to another I feel this hard 😭

so I would definitely start with making yourself cum!....unless the idea of not even doing that is hotter to you. I had a series of asks on here that was basically about what if I'd never even learned how and was convinced that my edges were orgasms...or something...it was super hot lol.

if you decide you want the good shit so you know what you're denying yourself, spend a lot of time w your body and enjoy it! if your home environment drove home ideas of sexuality as shameful, like mine did, unlearning that will be a must. again, unless that's. hot to you. tbh getting off on feeling guilty came long before my unlearning of the shame bc I was such a humiliation slut lmaooo.

if you decide not to cum before you learn to edge, a) you are so much hotter than me holy fuck and b) with the added challenge that it'll be hard to know if ur doing it right. my advice would be that if your core muscles start tightening/fluttering, and your heart rate picks up, you're at or near the edge. you can choose to stop there, or you can push it.

more advice on how to edge/how to find a way that works for you is under the #advice tag.

general kink safety is below the cut. it's a little overkill but I have a passion for this 💕

at the very end of the general safety advice, there's a bunch of tips for finding out more about what kinds of kinks are out there and how to find out what you like! it's just all a bit long so I spoilered it!

when it comes to kink in general...allow me to warn you. ppl like us, who come from sheltered home environments, are often the most vulnerable to abuse in sexual situations because we don't really know what we're "allowed." ESP in kink situations, where a power dynamic is an easy way for an abuser to excuse their actions or coerce consent. I've been a victim of this before. it is VITAL to your safety and mental health to learn to set firm boundaries in kink, in sex, and in relationships if you're looking for partners. for every play partner I've had since I even opened this blog, for every one who's on the level and communicative and ethical, there have been 5 attempts to coerce control or blatantly cross boundaries. I'm not even exaggerating the ratio. for every partner I play online with, there are at least 5 more I have blocked.

it's really hard if you're a sub to learn these things. but you have to be bossy and vocal and on guard before you give your submission to people. hear this: NOBODY "deserves" your submission. your submission is a motherfucking privilege, babe.

to get started on these important boundary setting skills, here are some recommended search terms:

"bdsm red flags" - mine include trying to petname/rolename me in the first interaction, issuing commands before an agreement is reached, and bragging about "convincing" unwilling subs to do certain things. and yes, they really do that, and it really is often.

"bdsm contract examples" - while contracts may seem unsexy, and they're certainly not a must, they are a good way to summarize what a conversation between two consenting partners about goals and boundaries should look like.

"how to spot abusive doms" and "how to spot abusive subs."

"how to know if I'm being coerced" and "how to know if I'm being gaslit."

"RACK vs. SSC." these are two frameworks for gauging ethics and safety in kink.

I don't want to scare you. this is a good community once you learn to filter out the bad folks, but it is very important to protect yourself. say it with me: YOU decide your sexual boundaries, not the other party. ever. even if they're your dom.

finally, some fun stuff for beginning kinksters:

the kink test - there are a few comprehensive bdsm "personality" tests. will help you gauge if you're more a sub, dom, or switch, or if that changes based on the general theme of your kinks.

browsing kink lists on FetLife - fet does require you to make a profile with some bssic info, but afaik you can choose your visibility settings. it's been awhile since I've been on there, but you can learn about a lot of kinks you didn't know existed!

finally, just browsing on here lmfao. it can be hard to navigate, since the tags for a lot of adult content are censored pretty heavily, but here's what I do: if you come across a kinky post you like, click into it's notes and then click on any blog that's reblogged it or that seems to have a username related to it. usually that person will have similar content on their blog! if you need a starting point, my side blog @basement-angel has posts similar to what I post here, many of which i found with the notes trick. an ask I answered recently has my list of recommended reading if you like this blog, under #advice!

sorry if I overwhelmed you with info haha! autist here, kink is one of my special interests and keeping subs safe in the hellhole of dominant abuse is my passion.

please, don't let this scare you. once you learn to filter out what doesn't work, the connections you make in this game are so, so fulfilling - or not! maybe you realize through experimentation that kink, or even partnered sexual interaction in general, isn't for you, but that's so fucking valuable. learning Abt your own sexuality is such an amazing journey, and I'm excited and proud of you that you get to start :)

[snugglyporos]

I'm glad you responded to the post because I do feel that in the moment last night I did not highlight the importance of what gives Noxus two sides of a coin

I suppose what I mean to say is af a systematic level Noxus does inherently bad things to other people

BUT there is nuance to why they do so, and the people who live there certainly aren't generically evil people like they were in outdated lore where they were cartoonists mustache twirling evil.

Thank you for engaging my post, I appreciate the discussion and I feel you helped correct a lot of issues with the post I had to sleep on. Never hesitate to join discussions like that <3

// Thank you! I hope I didn't make it seem like I was attacking you! Because I actually agree with your points by and large.

One thing in writing, as in the real world, is that we can get caught up and fail to realize the difference between leaders and nations. For example: Swain is undoubtedly evil. He literally made a contract with a demon, he's a black hole of desire, and he will go to any length to get what he wants. At his core, he wants to be in charge more than he wants a true egalitarian society. And that's the downside of meritocratic societies; those who are better tend to think of themselves as morally superior.

Of course, the counterpoint to this are aristocratic societies like Demacia. If you want a real world example of contrasts, consider Pre-Revolution France and Post-Revolution Napoleonic France. Pre-Revolution France was a stagnant, corrupt society. Post-Revolution France was a dynamic, corrupt society. The old order was replaced with a new one. But that's also rather natural.

Human beings naturally create hierarchies; we rate and classify things. That's what separates us from animals. An animal might go 'the grass is better over there.' But a human will go 'this grass is better than that grass because they are different grass.'

Alternatively, if a dog bites you, you say the dog is bad. You don't say it's evil. Evil requires intention. If you accidentally kill someone, you didn't murder them. To commit murder, you have to have intent.

Moving back to Noxus, Noxians themselves who commit evil acts are probably bad people. Those that use their status as Noxians as slang for superior are no different from those in Piltover who view Zaunites as subhumans. But the innate ideal of Noxus is not evil. After all, if your ideal is that everyone is equal and you should not be oppressed or forced to do things by those weaker than you, then why shouldn't you liberate people from their oppression?

This is, incidentally, why I think no one really gets V for Vendetta. Remember, that's a story about a woman being brainwashed so that she's won't betray the revolution. She is kidnapped, gaslit, traumatized, and tortured until she's a zealot who believes that the cause is just.

The thing about morality is that it's always grey. There is no 'good' or 'evil' without these things being grounded in specific things. Example: Poros are literally good. The void is literally evil.

All other things are best defined on an axis of selfish to altruistic.

Why is what Noxus is doing bad despite the fact that they are claiming to bring liberation? Why is their goal of creating an egalitarian society wrong in terms of what Swain and Darius are doing?

The answer lies on the Selfish/Altruistic axis.

Swain does not care about creating a truly better world. He cares about using Noxian meritocracy to create better soldiers so he can dominate others. Swain looks at the world and says 'I'm better than you, so I deserve to rule you.' He does not care about the suffering peasants in Demacia, he sees them as future Noxian laborers, who would be better used by Noxians in charge.

In fact, he would probably not grasp why there might be serfs would would prefer to live under Demacian serfdom. This is, incidentally, the problem that all liberation movements run into; there are always those who view the goals of liberation as an attempt to take away their security.

In any case, Swain is evil because his actions come from a place of selfishness. The atrocities that Noxus commits are not accidental, they are not incidental, they are deliberate displays of power that do not have reason to be done, tactically or otherwise.

Darius too, is selfish. He leads the war machine, because he knows nothing else, and without Noxus he is nothing. Without Noxus, without it's military, he has no idea of who he is. He'd sacrifice millions of people if it meant that he could avoid looking in the mirror. In Noxus, he's found a thing he can use as his own idea of himself.

'Good' and 'Evil' are usually points of view. The question is not morally about good or evil, but whether or not one's actions are in service of selfish or altruistic ends.

There's a lot of talk with Arcane about Silco, about whether he's a good revolutionary or not given that he's also totally okay with addicting the population and using child labor. The answer is that he is selfish, because he is not a revolutionary to change the system, he is a revolutionary because it's a means to an end, a way for him to become in charge without Piltover above him, because he wants to be exactly like them.

Or, to use another example: if you give a person money because you want to be charitable, that's altruistic. That's a good act. If you do it because you want to make them codependent on you, or if you want to make them owe you debts, that's selfish.

The same act has been done: money was given to someone. But the context is what decides if it is a good or bad action.

[coloursofaparadox]

i am very very proud of my chronic fatigued ass slowly building up to an average of like 15-20k steps or like. 3x 1.5 hour hikes/dog walks a week over the last few months. part of my whole messed up body shtick (P.O.T.S.) means one of the best ways to reduce the impact is to exercise, with the fun catch 22 of it makes DOING that exercise feel much, much, much worse 🙃 but now that im finally on a combo of meds that more or less works for both physical and mental health, ive been really really enjoying getting outside and doing things with my dog, even despite feeling like shit a lot of the time lmao. over the last like....4 months? I've slowly built up from the bare minimum for him (slow half hour walk 3x a week + off leash time where I can more or less stand still) to now where we go on a medium intensity hike almost every week, plus 1.5hr walks to the local community centre park to weave our way through and find fun little obstacles to do agility on, and run around in the field.

and it hasnt been easy!! like the half hour walks at the beginning were really, really iffy a lot of the time on whether or not i felt like just sitting tf down and giving up at some point. but im finally where i need to be w/ mental health and meds where i can keep slowly improving and not do a massive burnout backslide, in very large part due to figuring out how to eat intuitively in a way that works for me for the fuckin first time in my life, and managing to actually eat consistently enough that i have energy throughout the day. unless i go a bit too hard and get hit with the Super Fun Post-Exertional Malaise, I think I've actually been consistent with this level of activity for a while now.

anyways i am proud of me even tho i did it mostly for Lucas's sake. he is so, so much happier and more content now that he's getting enough exercise and going out to do new things with me. on my end i am very very happy that i can walk that long and go on hikes and feel good after, even tho I'm not totally confident yet on how much it helps day-to-day with POTS stuff like standing too long, etc. I feel better though with daily stuff like grocery store trips and standing in line. same with some household chores that always used to really spike symptoms.

anyways. being gaslit by doctors and passing out on a skytrain at 16 -> diagnosed, properly medicated and eating healthily pipeline only took 12 years and a dog i would die for 🤝 lets go me

[jenroses]

It is incredible to me how much My depression was most effectively treated by no longer being gaslit by shitty medical professionals. When I started getting diagnoses that made sense, rather than "we can't find anything wrong." Also "yes, we can help you".

Yes, antidepressants were helpful in specific situations. But invariably for me, the biggest depression trigger has been feeling trapped and unheard.

I do a lot of things for my mental health. I take the tiniest dose of otc lithium... Basically a "people where the drinking water has naturally occurring lithium experience less depression" dose (the pharmaceutical dose starts at 600 mg. I take 5. This seems to put a floor under me, so I don't always feel great but I'm not falling into the pit as easily)

I take a low pharmaceutical dose of duloxetine for nerve pain. It would probably be better if I could take more but I can't risk the drug interactions.

Fish oil seems to help stabilize my ability to cope a lot. Going off it for procedures really fucks up my coping ability.

and choline supplements seem to affect my general capacity for enjoyment of literally anything in life.

Magnesium affects a lot of bodily symptoms for me, mitigating my asthma from chronic to only triggered under extreme circumstances, and affecting my general tension level, as well as easing gut issues.

And by far, the most stabilizing factors involve treating my POTS with hydration and electrolytes and mast cell issues with substantial amounts of various h1 and h2 antihistamines. Because it's hard to get out of bed when you're dizzy and it's hard not to feel anxious when you itch and your heart is racing and you feel like there's nothing you can eat that won't hurt you.

For me, standard doses of one antidepressant or another got me past despair on several occasions but they're not fixing the very real issues making me miserable. The problem isn't my brain, it's my body and the world we live in, the brain is just doing its best and I'm trying to help it along.

Sometimes people need that one antidepressant lifelong, and that's fine. If you can feel substantially better with a single medication, yes, do that!

But for me, the side effects tend to be magnified, and most of my issues with depression are situational and/or treatable by other means. My diagnoses are autism, ptsd, adhd and anxiety, except the anxiety isn't really the thing where you feel anxious for no good reason, but because my life has a lot of things going on that literally if I wasn't worried about them people would be worried that I wasn't responding appropriately to situations that are literally anxiety provoking.

Accepting that, "no, I'm not depressed for no reason, this really just is this shitty" did wonders for my mental health in general. There's nothing wrong with my responses to the world, the world just is that fucked up. It is genuinely difficult to live in my body and anyone would have a hard time with this.

Pacing myself, setting boundaries, asking for help and treating the treatable things has gone a very long way towards helping my mood in general.

90s movies: Psychopharmacology is as good as a lobotomy. If you take pills to treat your mental illness it will literally murder your imaginary friends and you will become a boring, lotus-eating conformist drone.

Me after taking my meds: drives the scenic route home to see if there are any geese on the pond and does a little dance in line at the grocery store and comes home to throw everything​ in my fridge into a stew pot because I can finally taste food again while singing songs at my birds in which I replace all the instances of "she" with "Cheese" and doing a Dolly Parton impression on the phone to my sister

[ashraintarot]

Pick a photo tarot reading

How to heal in regards to love and your next soulmate if you do the work you're meant to do

Photo 1:

The people who picked this photo have been let down in the past as soon as they showed their true selves. You're someone who is constantly told their "too much" or ask for too much. I'm here to tell you that's simply not true. It's a scary thing to be vulnerable only to be met with negativity. But the good news is, if someone doesn't react well to you being yourself, that's a sign letting you know it's not a connection you want to be in. Instead of looking at your past relationships as a loss, or thinking you missed out on something, see it for what it is. They were someone who just wasn't secure enough with themselves to be with someone who shines so brightly. That's not to say you were totally innocent. I see a lot of crazy energy here that has only recently been tapered down into a healthy level of spontaneity and excitement. You might have been someone who made rash decisions at a detriment to yourself. The biggest advice here is that it's okay to take things slow. It's okay to let things have space to breathe and to blossom. Focus on rewiring those thought patterns that taught you you're too much. You are perfect exactly as you are. That's not to say stop working on yourself, but who you are in your soul, the person you are meant to grow into is perfect. Believe that you are enough, and that no other person can complete you. Some of you may have been looking for answers that you simply aren't supposed to know. I see you doing and getting a lot of tarot readings trying to figure out what's coming next but I'm hearing, "don't ruin the surprise".

Your next soulmate:

I see you guys finding this person right at the moment you least expect it. It will be a total surprise. I see a more masculine energy that's highly intellectual. Someone likely still in school who's always trying to learn more about the world or their passions. In fact they're someone who is deeply in touch with their passions and reason for being here. I don't see this relationship taking off and getting serious right away. It might take some time due to distance or just obstacles of life. You guys may even date other people and always just slightly miss each other. But one day, if you make the right choices and they do too to align your lives, you'll come together. You might even date for a little while at first or have some short type of fling with them, but they won't be able to get you out of their head even if you two are apart. I see a lot of mutual friends here as well. There might be a third party that's keeping someone back from making a move. Not necessarily anything romantic involved in this third person, it might be but it might be that they're afraid of their reaction to hearing about the two of you as an item. Possibly one of you are still working through the loss of a past relationship. Your north node may be in the same sign as their sun.

Photo 2:

You might be someone that gets lost in the world you create in your mind. Which leaves you feeling disappointed with reality because it never quite matches up. It's important to let things play out how they're meant to and to actually be present in the moment. I'm getting that a lot of you feel like you have a shitty memory when really you just aren't actually there in the moment. I think you're someone that has struggled with communication in the past. Being honest about how you feel might just hard for you, possibly because you were told early on by people in your life that your emotions were overreactions or were gaslit into thinking you were wrong for feeling the way you did. It could also be that people misunderstand you even when you are being open and honeste. It may seem like no matter what your intentions are people seem to get upset and not get the point of what you're saying. It's important to know not everyone will speak the same language as you. Instead of mulling over all the connections where you weren't truly heard, focus on the ones where you are. There are many people coming into your life to teach you how to be loved. You're having a hard time cutting out those thought patterns that keep you stuck in the old version of your life where people walked all over you and took you for granted. But the work you've been doing to set boundaries is working. Now the universe is testing you. In relationships it's really important for you to find a good balance between time shared and time spent alone. You need alone time to recharge but also to spend on your passions and the things you want to do for fun. Some of the people you think are going to be romantic connections aren't really what you think they are. Something much deeper is coming for you. I see you waiting for The Ex to come back and to get some closure but I don't foresee that happening any any time soon, although they do keep tabs on you online so keep that in mind.

Your next soulmate:

A very nurturing, patient person, possibly an earth sign who's willing to do the work and grow with you. Someone rather andro presenting, with a really balanced blend of both masculine and feminine energy. The thing that pulls you in the most about them is their voice. It has a hypnotic sense to it that you can't stop listening to, seeing a lot of voice memos through text. I see them just being super cute and corny with you which is different from how they are with other people and you really like that. Possibly a fixed sign venus (leo, scorpio, aquarius, taurus). Shoulder length dark hair or at least at some point they had that length of hair for a while. Wears loose, flowing types of clothes, really values comfort but still is stylish about it. They have a simple, effortless beauty about them. I see this possibly being someone you met through the internet and haven't met in person yet but I do feel like you're in contact already or you knew OF them but will soon get to know them on a more personal basis.

Photo 3:

I think you put a lot of work into past relationships only to be met with very little energy. It almost feels like "what the point"? You guys might be the group that's content with being single for now or even have sworn off dating entirely. You would just give and give with nothing in return. Now, you're being called to learn how to fill your own cup before giving to others. This group is sort of like the bleeding heart, the ones who would do anything for anyone but themselves. This period of alone time was crafted so you can learn exactly how to do that. Try to show up for yourself in the everyday choices you make. I think you're rebuilding trust with yourself. It's possible you even handled some things poorly in past relationships just due to how angry the energy discrepancy made you feel. You were acting out of hurt, not that it's an excuse but it's an explanation. You weren't crazy, you were triggered. I think you're learning a lot of the people who abandoned you in your life we're just really struggling to learn their lessons and therefore were unable to be there for you. That doesn't make the pain go away, but by removing some of the blame you can let go of some of the resentment you've been harboring. Give yourself the time to rest and recoup and heal that you need. But don't close your heart to love. Love comes in so many different forms and there are ways to feel fulfilled without romantic love. In fact I see a heavy focus on friends for you guys. You're building a community right now build on love and respect.

Your next soulmate:

Short-medium very light hair possibly with slight stubble/beard. More of a soft build but they're relatively pretty athletic they're just not like "chiseled" and I think that's probably your favorite body type. They have a soft calming energy that you just immediately feel comfortable around. You feel like you can tell them anything and everything, free of judgement. They're someone who's trying to pursue their passion as their career, and I think you have mutual interests as far as that goes. Maybe not the exact same thing but it's in the same vein. I think this is someone you've felt was destined to be with you at some point, or if you've been manifesting what you would like in an ideal partner, they're the answer. Sort of an ambivert, but very funny always making you laugh. I see a sort of friendly energy here, a bit of a will they wont they. Whatever vision you have of your ideal life and ideal partner, keep it in mind and keep the vision strong. I see this coming in and deepening in the next six months

[angeloncewas]

All of the asks regarding the BBH situation are answered under the cut - I know we've gotten a resolution, but I felt like a lot of the things y'all brought up were worth talking about, so -

Both avenues feel like such a slippery slope.

If you blindly believe, you risk situations like this one, where a person was lying for the "fun" of it. Now, not only do they create problems for Bad, the community, and any theoretical victims who do try to genuinely come forward via the burner-account method, but they've also provided another instance that horrible people will point at and say "look ! they lie all the time !" It makes it worse for everyone when people pull awful shit like this and it wouldn't carry that weight if people had looked at it through a more critical lens. That's just the fact of the matter.

But on the other hand, being "critical" of a victim's account is so often what those awful people do. Why did you do [x], why didn't you [y], there's this one fault in your recount of your traumatic memory so clearly you're just trying to ruin this person's life - I have no idea what happened with the accusations leveled against Jake Paul, but his fans "criticized" it to pieces despite me and many others finding it to be both "credible" and horrifying. I know it's a risk, but I can't in good conscience not shoot straight for belief, y'know? And I think that's why so many people do the same thing.

(I'm rambling a bit - you're obviously correct for this case specifically - they claimed to be kids just "joking" and I don't even wanna get started with that because it pisses me off.)

I don't know if I never knew about the SBI burner thread or if my mind deemed it so stupid that it threw it out for me in my sleep, but wow. I know what you mean - burner threads as a whole are some weird practice that I don't quite understand. I mean, I get that it's for anonymity, but the way they pick up on Twitter is just... crazy. Idk.

The way Twitter persists is just awful. Like, it's common fucking sense that you don't make false accusations for a million reasons. It shouldn't even need to be said. And yet Twitter just runs with it and some of them still make shitty, weird comments about creators like Phil and H just because they don't like them.

I tend to hate the "get kids offline" battle cry by mostly annoying people, but there's really something about their mindset and attitude that has to be remedied by something Twitter is not gonna give them. Ugh.

The gaslighting thing was RIDICULOUS. I was trying to be more neutral about it when the accusations were still up in the air but now that they're very much confirmed to be a "troll" (quoted with disgust) I feel qualified to say that anyone who called BBH's responsible "threat" of legal action "gaslighting" has clearly never been gaslit in their life (and good for you, but stop acting like you know what you're talking about then). As anon 2 said, if he intended to silence the victim it would have made much more sense to threaten legal action privately (and I know that the person's DMs were off, but the point is that a public statement like he made draws very quick and clear attention to both him and the accusations leveled against him).

Anon 1's advice is very pertinent (though it didn't wind up coming into play here) - always always always be careful of what you're clicking on, especially when sent to you by strangers. A person could've linked "proof" of the situation in DMs that was actually something that collects your personal info (for example) and while that sounds harsh considering the nature of the accusations, it's a reality we have to deal with online. Staying safe is a lot of things when it comes to the internet.

There's a lot that goes into this, so I'll try my best to be concise.

People are overwhelmingly superficial. It reminds me a bit (if you'll pardon the odd comparison) of that post that went around a bit ago talking about how fat gay men are more often painted as creeps while fucked up twinks slide on by purely because of the way they're perceived by society. I'm not saying that BBH is gay or fat, but I will say that he's probably not "conventionally attractive," especially when it comes to "influencers" and so I see comments like those more than I should (which is never, but even more than from the expected odd weirdo). It's just awful; as though you can tell what a person's like simply based on surface-level characteristics like that. Many abusive/dangerous/etc people play up and off of the way they're considered attractive because of shit like that.

I also saw people saying that they "always suspected" because he's "childish" and it's "weird" - I know he has whimsy, but BBH has always stuck out to me as very clearly an older member of the MCYT community so the whole situation just felt off and wrong to me. (And that's not even discussing the way "we always knew" type language is damaging toward everyone involved... yeah, it's just fucked up.)

[sageandred]

I think he did things wrong, but the point of watching character arcs is to see characters make mistakes and sympathize with them if they are written and acted well. I feel bad for Amerie every season and her storylines set her up to be blamed by every student at that school when from where we're all sitting she's not the worst character at that school and it's easy to sympathize with the person she is now for the entire run of the show. The Amerie/Malakai relationship conflict is so good, because in s1 we had a square with Amerie crushing on Dusty->Harper dating him->Amerie getting with Malakai->and Dusty and Harper sleeping with Malakai when he was very traumatized and under the influence too much to make a level-headed decision. There's a lot of mess there, and it's easy to see why they're having such a struggle to get things back on track with a load of feelings and undealt with emotions on the history at hand. Neither of them are really 100% morally sympathetic characters, but somehow come off as some of the most pure hearted and mind you socially disrespected characters at that school. It was always really meant for this-this web of complication and hurting each other-to be what is between them. They're both "bad" and "good" when it comes to the events of their relationship because of both own doings and things out of their control. It's all very interconnected how things happen where they screw up and where things turn bad that were just always going to happen due to the "missed moment, bad timing" lovers scenario they've got going on. When Malakai asks for a casual relationship, it's out of panic for not having a confidence in his feelings surrounding guys and a premature feeling of not wanting to lose Amerie when he doesn't know if his newfound attraction is something worth ruining things over yet. It wasn't premeditated and all the escape room stuff before that was a quick-fire occurence in which he got giddy and blinded over his crush (he did treat Amerie poorly, but it wasn't malicious just not thought out). I'm willing to bet with Amerie and Malakai there is/was residual resentment over the events of last season. Amerie's feelings are respected about the threesome (ofc there would be hurt there), and I think (if not now, then last season) there could've been some residual feelings from Malakai following the assault and the fight/mishap with Amerie sharing the video on accident that they never even talked about. It's also not lost on me how Malakai has a tendency to lash out this season specifically when things are brought up about his sexuality with her..She questions if he is gay (she doesn't know, fair); he gets mad with the recording in the woods where it is played for public consumption that he was "trying to decide if he liked boys." It's a very new thing and it makes sense that it becomes a very sensitive thing for him to hear about the half of him (his sexuality, not identity) that he is quite unsure of himself. Every male in this show some signs of toxic masculinity at the hands of what they're surrounded by and Malakai not being able to talk properly about this is not surprising. I take issue with the word gaslit being used so frequently when people just like...made some typical misguided choices that negatively affected the other person in a relationship; that's why I said that. Not communicating properly especially at like 17 years old is not gaslighting. It just means most people at 17 make some poor mistakes.

Okay listen I know we all love Malakai here and of course so do I but can we at least acknowledge that he did Amerie dirty before their breakup. Like he was struggling with his sexuality and thats totally valid but he did not handle it well and yea he did gaslight Amerie about it, he did give her the world's mixedest signals, he third wheeled her on their own date to the guy he was into, like Amerie isn't perfect by any means but can we at least all understand that he did not treat her okay

[marshmallowprotection]

everyone's saying what type of assistant they'd be but I'm curious what you think the best type of assistant for Unknown would be like? not strictly what he wants, but maybe what he needs? how do you think it's best to act towards him, etc.

in Suit Saeran's part of his route, he wants you cowering in fear beneath him and I feel like Unknown would want that too, BUT- you aren't supposed to cower under Suit bc it ends badly for you, so I wonder if this would be the same for Unknown and you have to stand your ground...or the opposite maybe? as in, he does more and more to torment you until he breaks you and makes you cower.

Sorry, I kinda babbled but I have so many thoughts on this! Unknown is a character I am SO intrigued by and identify with heavily, so I love to hear others' takes on it!

I think if you’re asking me who I think is going to be ideal for this situation then I gotta tell you that I’ve got a lot of thoughts on the matter if we’re going to handle this in a realistic fashion, which I always tend to lean that way as much as I can because I strive for a viable scenario.

That being said, you’re right about our boy Suit Saeran. You can't submit to him. You can't lash out at him and you can't prove what Rika said as fact. You can't show him anger and that's why kindness and not responding to him are what help you. You have to respond to him as you do with Ray, never letting your guard drop by sharing empathy. Never give up on him but never bow your head and you'll get BE2. Suit Saeran is less like Unknown, and a lot more like Ray.

They need a level of reassurance. All of them. It isn't always easy to do that because each of them have an intensity that cannot be contained in the word limit of one post because I don't know when I would shut up and you asked about Unknown specifically, and I will keep this about him.

When it comes to Unknown, I feel like you need to have a balance of confidence and kindness in your heart. You don't submit to him, but you give him understanding. Listen to him. He was left by everyone that he ever trusted and he's been just gaslit over and over by Rika, as well as subjected to cult manipulation for nearly two years. You do not say the word cult. If you want to know how to help someone in a cult, there's a very specific way that you HAVE to talk to people who have been indoctrinated into cults. You can't just tell him Mint Eye is hell. He is literally the most and dedicated member of the cult because of what Rika did to him. You will not tell him that he has to leave with you. He will not listen.

You may cause him to never trust you again if you push him too hard. You can't tell him that if you really want to help him. You have to slowly talk to him over time when it comes to that and it will take some serious talking to even get close to considering thinking about it, much less being willing to talk about it with you. He took you on the spur of the moment. He literally decided what he wanted to do with you in the heat of the moment. He can't let you go, he decides to take you because he wants to be better than Seven and to be better then Seven, he needs more than what he has.

A maid? No.

He wants an assistant.

If you think about what Unknown wants, what he wants is somebody that will listen to him without question and do as he asks. He wants you to fall when he says fall and to jump before he even can say jump. He wants you to know what is in his head before he even thinks it. He wants you to look at him like he is the strongest because he is the strongest. He wants you to look at him as if he is your boss that gives you everything. You weren't good enough to trick the RFA, but you're broken like he is and he will take good care of you if you listen. Give him whatever he wants and he will take good care of you... he promises... haha... hahaha....!

An assistant that does without a moment of hesitation. What he wants is for you to listen to him. Always. Never question him. That's what he wants. That's not what he needs. That's not at all going to help him in any way and it's not going to help his assistant.

What he needs is someone who can handle it when he yells and screams. You don't have to be someone who can handle screaming or yelling without flinching or crying. You need to be very empathetic to what he's feeling. You have to be the kind of person that tries to look underneath the underneath. You can be fragile, but you can't break. You can be the broken teapot stitched back together if you've already known what it feels like to be hurt and abused. But, you can't break down on him. You have to be there for him when it's the dead of night. You know what he needs?

He chugs the elixir in the dead of night because his headache won't go away. He overheats and he cannot handle working because his fingers aren't responding. You get him some water and sit by him until it passes. He has nightmares and wakes up screaming, you're there, you stare at him and he stares at you. Neither of you say a damn word. But, it's understood that he is not alone and you are not alone. He never knew that he needed to know that he wasn't alone. He's always been alone and he's never once woken up with someone there. You don't jump to comfort him at first but you are there.

And if things do continue at that rate, he'll wordless let himself lay next to you on the couch, flopping against your lap and stealing your space. He will never say what he wants. He will do it. You let him and you never say a word either. You cannot comment on these things because it makes him testy. The same as Suit Saeran. He is strong and he will not accept vulnerability.

Even if he wants it. That's why he often shares physical contact with you. You wind up on his lap often because he needs something to ground him when he's disassociating. You don't know that. A part of it is a power play with you because he likes to feel you squirm and breathe against him.

He's not alone. Unknown accepted isolation but when you give him something else. He realizes he wants that. His obsession could not be as strong as Ray, but trust me, the minute he lets you in, he doesn't intend on letting you out of his grasp. You have to be there, you can show that you can scared and unsure, but when it comes to his insecurities, you have to listen to him and be willing to hear him out. When it comes to 707, do not assume that Seven is right. Listen to him but if you are presented the evidence. You have to try to get him to listen, gently. Don't kick him. Just try to talk to him.

Rika lied to him about the bomb. He never knew about a bomb. His trust wavers from that point and them Seven keeps hitting him. Rika sends V instead of coming. Play on that. Stand your ground with him and insist that he look a bit harder because he's smart. He's smarter then all of them. Why is Rika lying? You have to attentive and kind. So, when it comes to the person I think that could handle this, I need an MC who is kind and understanding, but is brave enough to call someone on their shit.

He is a vulnerable man whether he wants to admit it or not. Stand up to him but do not get angry. Stay kind. Stay steadfast. It's a similar theory to the Another Story MC, but you have to be willing to look a monster in the eyes and see the broken boy inside of him.

What he needs is someone who waits and listens to everything.

[dogsliampaynedoesntinstagram]

I feel like you're the right person I can talk to you about so... A few days ago I got into a discussion turned into a heated argument with my friend about how it's important that we show sympathy with other people.This whole conversation started because our mutual friend did something that was really hurtful to our other friend and I made a comment that I realize how shitty that behavior is but I also sympathize with her and I fell so sad that she's so sad and suffering so much that she's hurting other people like this. And I said that if you look at it that way next time she does this it's gonna hurt less because you understand that she's also suffering and hurting herself. And you can make peace with it more easily.

My friend said if you're just saying you sympathize with her and not call her out on her wrong behavior then you're just selfish and thinking about your peace and not other people's. I made a comment and I quote "if we can't show sympathy for people who haven't had the same lived experience as us, our society can become a very dangerous place".

I personally believe in that statement. Often times when people see someone makes mistakes or do or say some thing stupid and hurtful or showcase a pattern of behavior that's not very healthy they say "well they chose to do this" or "it's their decision, they have to suffer the consequences". It makes me really wonder. I mean of course at the end of the day we are humans with brains and moral compass and we have the tools to learn what's good and what's bad. But I think we are all product of both generational and individual traumas. I think the traumatic experiences that we've had shape our perspective of the world tremendously. And I think that's where sympathy should come in. And I think we don't necessarily need to take sides or agree with certain things or not hold people accountable for their actions but I think having sympathy can help us understand each other better.

I explained all of this to my friend and she responded that "oh it's all pure bullshit. It's just a fantasy you can't expect everyone in a society to show sympathy all the time."

And I responded that it's not a fantasy. Look at all the social movements that have happened around the world. If we as society weren't capable of showing sympathy towards people with different lived experiences then how the hell these changes happen?

And at one point she said then what about a rapist? Will you be able to show sympathy towards a rapist and say I understand why he did this horrible action?

And honestly I was shocked and I didn't know how to answer that. Cause in my mind it was obvious that an action that's so violent and brutal and just so so so damaging to another person wasn't the point of the argument. I thought the boundaries were clear and we were just talking about human interactions on surface level. I didn't know we were gonna go there.

And I've been thinking about this a lot and I'm confused. Like where do you draw the line? Like where do you say I can show sympathy and where can you be like oh that person can go to hell?

And obviously everyone has their own biases and prejudice. But I can't stop thinking about it.

And I think my friend took everything so personally and felt like I was attacking her and calling her cold hearted and honestly I wasn't. I was just explaining my thoughts.

It really hurt me the way we spoke to each other. We're seemingly fine no3byt I felt like I was gaslit the whole time. She constantly put words in my mouth. Called me names and then turned around and said I was attacking her cause she's more extroverted and shows her emotions and shares her thoughts more which??? Wasn't the point at all.

Sorry I just rambled in your inbox. English isn't my first language . It's been really hard hearing these things from your friend.

Sorry this took me a while to get to anon - I think you raise some really interesting questions.

I agree that it can be useful and important to acknowledge that a lot of people's actions can come from pain. But I think the first thing to do about that realisation is to understand that it's not transferable.

That understanding, which says 'oh I see that this thing that you did comes from a place of pain' is only meaningful if it's optional and freely given. You can decide for yourself to see your friend's actions in that way, but as soon as you start advocating sympathy for others, your changing it's meaning'. Like kindness (I've talked a bit about this) the sort of sympathy that you're talking about is only meaningful if it's important.

Talking to someone who has been hurt (if I understand your story correctly) and telling them how to understand and see the person who hurt them - is neither generous nor sympathetic. The point about being freely given is even more true for people who have been hurt (For the record, I also don't think it's true that bad behaviour will hurt less if it understands where someone is coming from. We're all more complicated and have more depth of feelings than that sort of simple solution would allow). I'm not surprised your friend reacted as they did - defensive and angry. Telling friends how they should respond to being hurt is neither sympathetic nor generous.

You ask where to draw the line - and that's the point, that people get to decide for themselves what matters, where to be generous and where not to extend generosity. Generosity and sympathy are only meaningful from one person - if another person can say fuck off. Otherwise it's not generosity or sympathy - but social pressure limiting acceptable feelings and expression of feelings.

I think it's great that you're thinking about this, but I think the next step is to think a little more about boundaries. You are not your friend, your feelings are not your friend's feelings.

One of the things that interested me about this ask is that you don't specify what the friend did - you just describe something as hurtful, but you seem to see it as wrong. Not everything that is hurtful is wrong. Someone can say something hurtful and it also be true, or reasonable. It doesn't really matter what the action that sparked all that. But the way you wrote about it made me think that saying things that hurt other people is wrong - and I think that suggests a lack of boundaries.

Then at the end you use the term 'gaslighting' to refer to an argument where you didn't feel understood. In general, I'm against almost every use of the term gaslighting that doesn't include an actual gas lamp. But I also think to use it in a situation where you've already tried to tell someone how to feel about someone who hurt them, is particularly messy.

I think it's really cool that you're thinking about these things anon and it's very normal to struggle to figure out boundaries. I do recommend thinking a little less in terms of universal truths, and a little more in terms of what people get to decide for themselves.

[stumbleintothesun]

Life Rant

For the few people in here...sorry lmao this is long as hell.

Lately I've been feeling like...garbage. I know there's no one on this place that really follows me, so this is me posting to the void.

I have been dealing with a lot of health issues related to my mental health and weight. I've gained nearly twenty pounds in a year, and no matter what I do my weight doesn't budge. I work out regularly, Ive been trying to eat better but...my only thought is its because I'm working a desk job now - which I fucking hate with a fury. And I know my weight isnt the end of the world - it just really, really fucks with my mental health. I've always felt ugly. The only time I didn't was when I was super thin which I know is problematic - and I know that's part of my mental health...like my aunt died from an ED. And my mom definitely had/has an ED even if she's gotten much better about it in the past few years...

And I'm finally getting my face to clear up after wearing these masks for a year - a year! But I'm still dealing with the healing process and I'm anxious it will scar. I've worked this entire pandemic at a job I *hate* just to you know, finally pay off my student loans just go back to school so maybe I can do something I love. But even at 25 and providing for myself, I hardly got any financial help. The only thing saving me is my grades that got me a decent transfer scholarship.

But the first school I applied to wanted my high school transcript, even though I have an associate's degree, and because I'm, frankly, stupid I somehow missed that they needed it. So they threw out my application that I spent an otherwise four hours writing for.

So I'm going to Eastern, which frankly will be better for my mental health, but they don't have a tuition free program. So I'm going to have to borrow money after just finally paying off my single year at a liberal arts college debt that I took on when I was 17 (it ended up being like 30k to pay off). And it's all because I didn't fucking read right. So much for being a good student, I guess.

But it wouldn't have mattered because they would've hardly taken any of my classes despite most of them being from down the road and for an associate's degree! And even Eastern is giving me a hard time, despite my degree they say I don't have the basic level biology course - my degree is biology focused! I'm going into ecology! I have taken genetics, conservation biology, anatomy and physiology, cellular biology but I don't have intro bio? So now I have to test out, on top of working full time. Which is fine, its a good refresher...I'm just so overwhelmed with life right now. I have a stack of over 100 flash cards and I'm just anxious.

This is a year after my partner went through an ugly break up with their old fiance (we were poly), and their ex was an abusive POS who once told them if they came out as anything other than their assigned gender, he wouldn't date them anymore. He gaslit them constantly, made them feel like hell. So we finally got out, but he wanted the house they got together or 10k. He made over double what they make - and he always forced them to pay half the bills, including half of his fucking protein bullshit because it was "groceries." He knew they didn't have the funds. Because our friends are amazing, we were able to buy him off but he left the house trashed.

It fucking sucked, and they were also responsible for getting his name off the house which meant a refinance that we could hardly afford. We got lucky we were able to do it, but they hardly got anything back for it. And it was a *nightmare*. We finally got it done, after pulling teeth and it took six months. Four months longer than they said. And that entire time they were forced to occasionally reach out to him, their old abuser.

Finally we were free, but then I started having further issues at work. Between the pandemic, and working in a heavily red area during the election, I cried a lot. I work in customer service and while I make okay money for the industry, I'm constantly burned out. My colleagues are okay, but it feels stupid to leave just to find a job for three months to go back to school. Then I started being short in my drawer (I'm a teller at a bank). The final straw was being short $500. Now I'm on a work plan, and if Im short again, I'm out. And it's my fault. I don't know how it has been happening. So now I'm always on edge at work, triple checking everything. And I could leave, I could get another job but there's no promise I'll make what I do now, and in order for me to pay for the chunk of school I need to, I have to put away a certain amount every month.

I do have a grant of sorts for 5k per semester to help with bills, which will alleviate a lot once August arrives. And I know I'm crazy lucky to have that. So sometimes I feel like such an asshole about it. But we have a house to pay for and bills to pay. Just like everyone else. Ugh, I don't know.

I talked to my doctor about my weight, came in with calorie intake numbers and how much I work out with zero change. I cut out pop entirely from drinking it every day. Nothing has helped. So we switched my meds from Lexapro to Wellbutrin to see if I lose weight because of that. Nope, just having more mental break downs, steady weight, and my resting heart rate is abnormally high, stopping me from making a little extra cash donating plasma. So now I'm switching back to Lexapro with nothing gained other than. You know. Feeling like shit. Next up? Birth control coming out of my arm. Don't really need it anyway. And maybe that will help? But I don't think so. I'm not sure what to do.

I am genuinely trying to be healthy, eating more whole foods. More veggies. More home cooked meals. I love to cook, I'm just tired. And sometimes the air fryer and oven baked frozen foods are too easy to pass up. I'm trying to always eat breakfast. I'm working out again, we have a gym membership but there are so many men there and I dont always feel comfortable, because my partner has been anemic and they can't go yet. So I use our bike in the living room and do home workouts.

But when I did this last time there was zero change in weight or anything. Even when I ate really, really clean for three weeks and worked out for most days, tracking calories and everything. Nothing changed. My thyroid is fine, we've already checked it. I'm just tired.

This past year, other than being with my partner has fucking sucked. And this doesn't even cover all the shit they've dealt with with switching to they/them and a name change. I love them so much, and love that they are finally comfy but their parents were assholes about it. And that matters. It does, and I get it. I just wish I could help them more. I wish we had a break, a breather for longer than a day. Even then I can't relax, I'm too on edge. There's too much to be done. I need to earn money, I need to clean, I need to focus. I need to be productive in some way to justify if I'm not working on those things. It's...all dumb.

[sokkastyles]

Well, I actually do think he struggles with not necessarily knowing the right words, but that's because he's been gaslit his whole life, not because he's less emotionally available or insensitive. And I think there are many situations in the show where he gets characterized that way wrongly because he has that trauma, and I don't like the way the fandom tends to pathologize hlm that way because he's an abuse victim. I'm not saying that is what you are doing, but that is why it gives me pause when people make these kinds of arguments.

Like when he apologizes to the gaang, I think anyone would struggle with the right words in that kind of situation, and part of the reason for the miscommunication is because the gaang think he's trying to trick them and don't want to listen, sometimes to a ridiculous extent. Which isn't necessarily wrong of them because he has caused them a lot of grief, but it is acknowledged by Toph that they are letting their hurt feelings color the situation. It's not just because Zuko says the wrong thing. Same with Katara in the Southern Raiders. She tries to convince herself that the goodness she saw in him before was not sincere because she is scared of trusting him again, so it's not just Zuko's fault there or that he's being insensitive, it's that she's holding him to an almost impossible standard because she's mad at herself, and has to learn how to forgive him almost as much as he needs to seek her forgiveness.

And with Toph, the joke is that she was trying to force a "field trip," which is why it doesn't work. With Mai, Zuko was never in a place when he was with her to be an emotionally available boyfriend. He was trapped and scared and she wasn't listening to his feelings so I don't think it's very surprising at all that he shuts down and gets frustrated.

When Zuko is in a place where he feels safe and listened to, he actually gives really good advice. When he reassures Aang in The Firebending Masters, for example, or Sokka in the Boiling Rock, or when he tells Katara her mother was brave in The Southern Raiders. I also don't think he gets enough credit for being the first to apologize to Katara under Ba Sing Se. Or the fact that he's the one who tells Aang and the others what happened with Yon Rah so that Katara could have some space. We don't see that scene but Aang says Zuko was the one who told him what happened. And the subtext is that Katara was hesitant to confront Aang herself, probably because of his reaction towards her when they left, so Zuko is already in a position where he's mediating between Katara and Aang. And then in the next episode he's sitting between them while they're fighting. And then in the NEXT episode he's in that position again and telling Katara to let Aang figure things out himself. There's a reason the gaang looks to Zuko to lead them when Aang is gone, and not just because he knows how to track him. Zuko learned from Iroh, after all, and I think post-series he would be a lot like Iroh in this way.

I actually don't think he'd give hallmark-level advice if Katara told him that Aang forced a kiss on her, though. I think he would be angry. But that would be the right reaction. I don't see him being more worried about Aang if Katara told him that.

I do think people writing Zuko this way is a fantasy, and in general it's not my cup of tea, but I also think it's a valid reaction to the way the creators told zutara shippers that they would be abused for the crime of fantasizing about Zuko and not Aang.

Maybe I’m wrong, but I don’t know who the consent-pilled, emotionally available, and unerringly sensitive Zuko that’s been popping up in fanfic the last couple of years is. This dude is The Perfect Man (TM).

That’s great and all and I’m not trying to knock it, necessarily, but I see it going more like this:

Katara: Aang kissed me! Why would he kiss me? This isn’t the right time! I’m so mad at him! Etc.

Zuko, who never met a woman who couldn’t kill him on sight: Uh…is he okay?