#like a microdose of panic

[panb1mbo]

oh the irony of learning about generalized anxiety disorder while uh having a panic attack

[amygdalae]

Doing bad again

[slav-every-day]

[newdayslinguine]

love when im just sitting and doing nothing and my body decides that now is a good time to just slightly elevate the anxiety

[steampoweredskeleton]

.

Ignore

[scoobydoozombieisland1998]

following old coworkers online is fun because you get to see hands down the most unpleasant uncooperative person youve ever had to work with in your life post stuff like this

[soft-serve-soymilk]

Pav 🤝 V: Adventures in poor concentration and mental illness ✨

[mazamba]

Baby Steps

Dani slurped her milkshake noisily as she shifted back to the visible spectrum, interrupting the argument between the so-called adults. It'd been a hectic week, she'd been part of Young Justice for less than a week, yet they already had a crisis in the form of a maybe-evil clone.

"Do you mind?" growled Batman.

"Try a different word."

Superman raised an eyebrow.

""Father" is too heavy, try "brother" instead," she continued, "I mean, Phantom's technically my dad, but I don't call him that. He's my 'cuz!"

"What we call each other isn't the problem."

"No, but it's less scary isn't it? Danny was fifteen when I met him. Imagine if I'd called him dad. He'd have freaked out!"

Batman nodded, seeing the logic.

"And even then, I kinda needed some time to put my head together, you know?" she rattled on, floating crisscross applesauce in midair like a balloon in the breeze, "It's the real reason I left the first time. Maybe some time apart would be good for them? Microdose in family!"

"What we call each other isn't even half of the problem," sighed Superman, "you're a clone too, right? You once told me it was weird to know things you didn't remember learning. Clones are made and programed, sometimes with sleeper programming."

"True, but that's what we're here for," she figured, "I mean, I can't take you on, but Superboy's a different story. If he does go nuts, he has the whole Junior League to take care of him."

"I can't ask you to put yourself in danger."

"You're not, I'm volunteering," figured Stray, finally floating down to the ground, "look, Phantom and I work because we took the time to figure out who we are to each other. You two need time to figure out what you are, not get shoved together and hope for the best."

Batman grunted.

"This is a shock, it was a shock for Danny too. Sa- A mutual friend told me he had a panic attack an hour after I left. Started looking into childcare and stuff. She had to stop him from running after me with a diaper bag and they both crashed into a tree. Tu- a different friend sent me a picture."

"Your point?" sighed the Bat.

"I just said it? Forcing things helps no one. Just... put them in general proximity of each other and let the cards lay where they may. I know what you want to help Superboy, but forcing them into a get along shirt is just gonna hurt them both. You have to think of Superman too."

"And if he does go rogue?"

"Then we stop him."

"That easy?"

"That easy."

Superman sighed. As much as he hated to admit it, the whole situation was a lot less scary by simply changing the word. And what Stray said made sense, in a roundabout sort of way.

For his part, Batman was mentally kicking himself for hyper-focusing on Superboy's needs without taking Clark's feelings into consideration.

"We'll go with your plan," he agreed, "Superman, I'll need you to have a word with Black Canary. She will mediate with you and Superboy whenever you wish to meet, but I need you both to agree to this before we move forward."

"And if we can't?"

"Then he'll have to get adopted into somewhere else," figured Dani, sitting in midair again, "nothing good will happen if we just dump him on you. Neither one of you deserve what happened."

---

I'm sick of people dumping on Clark. Considering how he and the others live, I can't blame him for being suspicious.

Some other guy got replaced by a clone that didn't even know he was a clone. It wouldn't be that weird for Connor to have sleeper programming.

If anything, this is on Batman and the others for trying to force a relationship.

[comicaurora]

How did you get into Tumblr? It's a weird place that not many people use.

And how/why is Blue not here yet, he'd fit right in with the nerds having niche discussions about topics no one else cares about (/s)

tumblr has hundreds of millions of users, it only feels sparsely populated because the dash is entirely self-curated and most of us don't talk to each other except to dunk on the imaginary strawmen we extrapolate are behind each other's keyboards that conveniently hold a beautifully arranged cornucopia of all the opinions we dislike

Anyway I use tumblr because it's extremely curatable and pretty good at letting me post super-enormous comic pages without compressing them out the ass or charging me for a premium hosting service, sometimes when I think too hard about a story I like to immerse myself in a nice hot bath of five million fanart and multiparagraph analysis posts, I like the askbox system as an extremely manageable way of handling fan interactions, and seeing you guys panic in the tags sustains me more than food or water.

Blue, however, is not on tumblr, because we've discussed this and concluded that he would get way too mad. People assume that, of the two of us, Blue is level-headed and polite while I am the firebrand, when in actuality I am at a constant simmer of about 10-25% Maximum Riled-ness while Blue can spike up from a comfortable 0% to a full 100% just by seeing a display of poor reading comprehension. I've been microdosing on rage my whole life so I've built up a tolerance for even the most egregious of bullshit, but Blue has Normal Person levels of "wait, that's stupid!" and reacts accordingly. Poor guy doesn't have the constitution for this place.

[vigilskeep]

what’s Bea’s thoughts/relationships with the companions so far? any interesting dynamics?

yeah i’m having a lot of fun w them!!

she gets along well with solas, her chantry opinions sometimes grate but she’s so inquisitive and he loves to explain. he’s so strange to her, she’s never truly talked to a mage before let alone an elf who acts so unlike the elves she’s interacted with. she’s too young and uncertain to mind at all being talked down to a little bit; she sees him as a scholar and wants him to think she’s worthy of holding intellectual conversations with

she thinks varric is an exciting dashing rogue to hang out with because she doesn’t have the context to realise he’s also a nepo baby. she just read the tale of the champion very wide-eyed

she wants cassandra to approve of her so bad. was definitely not lying about not having heard the saving-divine-beatrix-from-dragons story in order to hear it from the woman herself and definitely did not go into an “oh maker i lied to a seeker” panic after

i didn’t expect her to care that much about blackwall but her mother being a warden changes things a lot. microdosing on my absent mother’s approval by having literally any warden say they like me. he makes her feel safe

a bit nervous around the iron bull, they just met and haven’t fought together yet. free marchers and ostwick in particular have a lot of anxiety abt the qunari so i don’t imagine she’s ever heard much good, but as always she’s also painfully curious

suuuuper intimidated by vivienne. very respectful to her

sera is such a shock compared to everything she knows and the way people usually talk in her presence and she’s also pretty and bea is a little uncertain what to do about any of this

was wary of dorian on first meeting but i think she’ll be pretty close with him after the whole in hushed whispers thing, i see that being a strong friendship. which is interesting i don’t normally bring him out much but gay rich kids who love books flock together ig

[gibbyslounge]

dream is hot he is attractive as hell ummmmm the lighting was amazing. constantly doing him right. he did look like modern jesus. a deity. i didnt even get there late but i happened to be somewhat behind maybe the tallest man ever so i was kinda microdosed with his face and honestly it was glorious. blessed to even be in his presence. the way i would stop breathing when i saw him. what the hell

the sweetest kindest loveliest comfiest gentleman idk how he did it but it felt so personal and i think everyone thought he was looking at them a little i was in the back and im short and i was like what is this eye contact. you can see me?? i can see you!!! checked up on the crowd constantly asking if we ate today or if we were thirsty and needed water. said i love you a lot. incredibly charismatic and engaging. bright and funny and himself. ADORABLE AND ENDEARING.

a natural born performer. it was basically a one man show (plus dj tiiiiiiiiiip and keyboardist and drummer ayyyyyyy). he was the mc. he was the entertainment. he was the performer. he was the distraction. he was the planner. head of the team. a target for balls (he wanted to be hit in the face with one). improv artist and choreography king. VOCALS!!! he hit all the notes! falsettos! what can he not do??!!

there was a game where we had to guess who was dream and how did i know who it was immediately. say there are three people lined up with identical outfits and masks. immediately noticed #3 is taller and broader than the others. when asked “did your job before youtube start with an a?” #3 puts not one thumbs up but TWO. arms big and wide to give TWO enthusiastic thumbs up. when asked to do heart hands they all do a bad job. who had the biggest proudest heart even though it was bad. #3. the bigger broader one. immediately dream. one of the other ones was an old man lolol.

the beginning of the show before he comes out??? when is beyonce releasing the visuals????? a documentary will be made. TRUST.

WAS NOT SMELLY!!!

NEED PANIC ATTACK ON ALL PLATFORMS STAT!!!!

[docholligay]

Re: Your tags, I know you remember this because you were one of the first people I was mutuals with on this site LO THOSE MANY YEARS AGO, but maybe everyone didn't know me, so.

I don't like Happy Outers Family. I never have.

When I was first nosing around in the fandom and writing a bunch of sailor moon stuff I used to get asked CONSTANTLY why I didn't like it. And specifically, I would get asked what was WRONG with it. Why did I think it was BAD. This to me is a summation of the problem.

Because the way things are working now, very commonly, online, is that you can't simply hate something because you do. You can't just be like, "I want it to die with fire and I'm sick of hearing about it"

There has to be a structural reason that you don't like it. There has to be something about it that contains an -ism or -phobia or doesn't engage properly with trauma or something of any of these natures. We've hoodwinked ourselves into thinking that if we don't like something, there must be a moral component, and people are so disconnected from the on-the-ground, real activism they think trashing a show or book or whatever is praxis.

Which is why we have these INSANELY bad faith takes on things, because people know they have to find a REASON for other people not to like this thing, not to engage with it, not to make me have to hear about it. So you see incredible reaches. I could be SO SO good at this, because it literally is just sleight of hand with words. It's just persuasion.

I wish everyone would just be a hater. I hate Happy Outers Family because it's an insanely boring way to have Haruka and MIchiru play house. I hate critical role because I think microdosing a story is the stupidest thing I've ever heard of and I'm tired of fucking hearing about it. I hate board games because they are fucking boring. I hate Harry Potter not from being problematique, but because I think it fucking intellectually stunted a generation. (pre JK's downfall I got CONSTANT shit for this. That's fine)

None of the reasons above are a moral panic. We are done with moral panics. BE A HATER WITH A FULL AND OPEN HEART AND STOP LOOKING TO BE RIGHT. There are no points for watching/reading the best media.

[notapervertjustabugbear]

Feel free to ignore me, but like. Torbek. My beloved buddy. My platonic pookie.

Is the witchlight in your veins like.... all the time? Are you microdosing witchlight 24/7???

I only ask because like. If you were hurt, would a blood transfusion hurt you now?? Since you've have the WL for so long?? That shit is potent, would a transfusion hypothetically cause smth like withdrawal symptoms or worse??? I am having late night PANIC thoughts.

Torbek's going to be honest, Torbek doesn't know...

But there's no need to worry on Torbek's behalf, Torbek's already got that covered...

[wetcatspellcaster]

Last anon gave you a very skewed version of what Neil said, he didn't say Ascended is real Astarion and Spawn is the mask lol, he said as an actor when deciding the mannerisms for AA he stopped doing the bubbly quirky mannerisms and switched to a more serious deeper voice (he described it as theatric vs operatic) because since the theatrics were a distraction from the hurt and vulnerability AA doesn't deem that necessary anymore so he just drops it. He also described it as "him at his most terrible" and said the joy is gone forever from his new laugh. RIP

Lmfao, I'm throwing absolutely no shade at the previous anon by publishing this, but instead publicly declaring that I should receive all fandom news second and third hand like Chinese whispers so that I feel like a Queen or Minor Lord holding court as 70 different people give me 70 different versions of what has and hasn't been said

Then I will overanalyse it for 20 or so minutes and give my ruling while sweating and having a panic, but being so allergic to discourse that it never occurs to me to fact check ONCE. Only way I get to microdose on being incompetent royalty other than in D&D.

[nokingsonlyfooles]

How D'ya Like THEM Apples?

So, trying the decriminalized mushrooms in tiny doses for the ADHD (because, in my particular situation, going to a doctor for this might be hazardous to my health in general). The first time I took them before bed, with chocolate, and that upset my stomach a little so I decided to take them with breakfast like they suggested in the instructions (not really a breakfast person). Not an improvement, they upset my stomach more and made me anxious all day yesterday. Can't know if I'm getting used to them or I need to figure out the best way to take them.

Still slightly anxious today, but able to roll with it.

So, here's the deal. A while back, the spouse and I discussed what the prompt "imagine an apple" gets you, in your brain. He can imagine an apple at will. I found out, I can't. I need context. What's it for? Do you want my culture's Platonic ideal of "apple" or are you going to the store and you need to know what's a good one to buy? Do I need to get taste and texture involved here or is it more like set dressing? With some context, I can kinda get you an apple, but it's indistinct.

And I thought, "Ahaaa! That's that 'imagination deficit' they want to see to diagnose the autism. That's what that is! I can't cough up unlimited specific apples without specific contexts for each one, and even then it's not so good!"

But, after that first microdose, while heading off to sleep, I thought to myself, to pass the time, "Hey, wonder if I can imagine an apple any better?" And, uh, I COULD? Unlimited specific apples, no context. I mentioned that to the spouse, and he said, "Can you still do it now?" And, yes. Yes I can. +/-36 hours away from the second tiny dose of mushroom, and I can give you unlimited specific apples, if you need me to imagine that for some reason.

And... It kinda feels nonsensical that I couldn't do that before? Yeah, apples. There's lots. Just pick one. But I know I couldn't. Not even for the sake of a person who would be satisfied with any imaginary apple. Like, I could imagine the shittiest apple and that would be fine, it would be a judgment free zone! But I remember I couldn't do it. I needed a better prompt.

That thing with the apples is not something I've heard about for ADHD, but I did just barely get an internet diagnosis on that (thanks, @kithpendragon), and I only ordered the stuff because my THC vendor has it. I need the THC to keep from waking up from the edge of sleep with a gasp and heart palpitations, fearing to be harmed. If you spend $200 and stock up, they send you more THC as a surprise! That's a good deal! I like not having panic attacks! For months at a time! I'm not liking the stomach ache and anxiety from the mushrooms, but this thing with the apples makes me feel functional and cool. I don't wanna lose that!

I'm kinda concerned I'm gonna end up doing a real Flowers for Algernon here if I can't tolerate the mushrooms, or they go illegal again because politics. Like, I'm not sure how well the brain differences will play with my creativity and productivity. I need to draw things and go shopping and make dinner, ya know? Lots of different stuff. I seem to be able to do laundry and write a long-ass Tumblr post, but I need long-term data on that. In any case, five days a week is the maximum recommended dose and I gotta take breaks or I'll build up a tolerance.

I may end up looking forward to my meds like that one Tumblrite in my feed the other day, even if they make my stomach hurt! Or I may end up trading one kind of imagination for another and going back and forth indefinitely. I'd prefer the former, but I gotta wait and see.😅

[butchregina]

my friend who hasnt seen either mean girls movie and only know about your blog through the posts ive sent him asked me “do u think butchregina microdosing T topsurgery wouls panic abt his changing hairline” and i thought why not get the great leaders opinion. and he would like you to know that he was mid-testosterone injection when he asked me

first of all huge shout out to your friend can you tell your friend I said hi!!

Secondly yes absolutely and I think he becomes deeply obsessed with like. Keeps.

That being said I think her dads got a full head of hair in both 2004 and 2024 so it’s possible she got one good thing from him in the long run