#like damn I’m almost a legal adult and I learn this

[strangestland]

Sooooooo turns out I’m actually a lefty???? Only took 13+ years to figure this out because of this one teacher (who’s now retired and also has MAJOR drama associated with her due to her defending her pedo husband after he made crude comments. of 15 and 16 year old girls; but that’s a story time for another day 😘) who thought “oh! This student [me] is using both their right and left hand to pick up a pencil…… obviously they’re lying to try to sound cooler by being a lefty so I’m gonna force them to use their right hand” so she’d stop every lesson to “correct” me when I use my left hand and I thought this was normal until I had to get testing done for my mind and she said “yeahhh they’re meant to be a lefty” so like I do everything with my left hand (I can write with it but it looks like my writing from 3rd grade) but I mainly write with my right hand

I LOVE AMERICAN PUBLIC SCHOOLS 🤩🤩

[wafflesdenweasels]

Me: *beating myself up because I only am moderately good at most of the things I can do and have a hard time staying focused on one thing*

Literally anyone, doing the thing or not doing the thing: Oh that so cool! I’d love to try that/Wanna do the thing together sometime?/ Wanna see the thing I’m good at

Moral of the story, people don’t think about how good you are at something, they just think it’s cool that you do the thing. And if they ARE dicks about it, they aren’t worth your brainspace. I mean, I’m learning bass. O know some super talented bass players who are just thrilled that I’m even picking up the instrument on occasion. They don’t care that I’m not great and that I’m confused. They often teach me things.

When I first started writing, no matter how shitty it was, my grandpa, who is a professional writer, always told me I was doing amazing. So I kept writing. And ya I know I could have never published what I wrote before, but I got better, even though I was only writing little bits at a time.

When I started voice, only one person tried to put me down. A few years later and I had almost ruined my voice, and had totally lost the ability to properly balance it, and was getting swelling in a tendon in my neck because of the tension I was putting on myself to please this person who I was never good enough for. So I walked away and found someone who taught me the skills I needed to bring my voice back to where it should be. Turns out I’m not an alto 2. I’m a soprano 2.

I just took up roller skating. I thought it would be embarrassing learning something new now that I am legally an adult. Turns out people, skaters and non skater, just think I’m cool for even owning them.

I’m going to be starting school for sound tech this fall. I am terrified because I know nothing about it. All I have is my background in music and a few songs I wrote because I like poetry. When I was on my tour, the guy told me “ya know, I only knew a few chords on guitar when I started here” and now he teaches at the damn school.

My brain likes to tell me I’m not good enough to do something. That I need to be the best at it to even do it, so I have to constantly fight with it, and teach it to do things because I enjoy doing them, and not because I need to be good at it. Being good at things comes with time, and even when I am good at something, I don’t really see it anyway. I don’t know if anyone relates to this, but it’s been on my mind a bit and I thought someone might need to hear it too.

I can tell my brain perfection isn’t possible a million times over and never get through to it, but when I give it a thought out, logical reason why, that it can’t refute or spin into some shitstorm, I can actually do things I enjoy without worrying about judgment or harping on myself about being shit at it.

[tielt]

There are three modes of response to the question, how did you learn to create form.

Lies.

Honest Tracers.

Misdirection.

If you posted something great on the internet to share, respect. You have about as much control over others stealing your art as a parent does forcing a professional or a specialized education on an adult.

I don’t believe corpos should have rights the same way I don’t believe a fork should be able to command you how to stick it, but regardless of what the software is doing it is an extension of culture and trying to specifically limit interoperability is futile.

Also it is important that anyone learning what the internet is that there is no way to 100% shield a transmission. No encryption type can be forced on view/listen and every sense can have a recorded proxy. Even if you brought someone to a shielded space and stripped them naked the moment someone else sees a concept that’s that. Also data of all kinds is dirt cheap for every medium. I think most people who run indie type models wish to respect people space and ethics are often not what it’s about. I choose to not scrape content that people don’t want used, but that has 0.000% to do with legality and 100% to do with not wanting to negatively interact with others. Philosophically I despise everything about the world becoming a graveyard of still born ideas like the Bible. Almost made it through Christmas without grinching damn it.

I’m watching Still Alice and it’s a hot/cold holiday movie sometimes something clicks and I wanna write it out so I don’t forget. Often I realize social media is a crutch I’m dependent on and realize I shouldn’t feel bad about it. Often attention and feedback are not internally regulated well and I’m clumsy. We all have a right to exist with whatever shitty opinions we have.

[sinner-as-saint]

You Know Just What I Need.

Head of Security!Reader x Bucky Barnes AU.

Run-through: Freshly out of uni, Bucky Barnes comes back to live in his family home. Given he’s the only son of a billionaire, he needs security around at all times. And his dad puts you in charge of his son’s safety until he comes home from a business trip. You intend on doing your job as perfectly as always, but what you didn’t know it that Bucky is a spoilt brat who is only interested in pestering you and making your life a living hell… until eventually you are left with no other choice but to teach him a lesson in order for him to learn how to behave.

Themes: spoilt brat!Bucky, smut, fluff, slight dom!reader,

a/n: I was re-reading my bodyguard!stucky au the other day and I thought, what if the roles were reversed…? Enjoy!

“He’s here.”

One of the guards spoke through the comms, signaling you that Bucky Barnes was here. You were in the monitor room upstairs, watching over all the live footage of security cameras placed around the Barnes’ property. You observed the one at the gate and watched how the expensive car made its way through the gates.

He’s here.

You walked out of the room and made your way downstairs, on your way to meet your boss’ only son. You were the head of security, working for Mr. Barnes. You led an entire team who helped you in directing the rest of the staff employed by Barnes. Whenever your boss was away – which was always – every decision regarding the properties and companies went through you first.

Security processes, new policies, and most financial decisions, legal or illegal transactions – basically everything needed your seal of approval when the boss was away. You and Mr. Barnes had a comfortable bond since day one, he trusted you immensely, which is why you had been handed over the responsibility of taking care of his son, Bucky, until the latter’s father comes back from a business trip.

Basically the son was your responsibility for the coming weeks. Rumor had it that the young man was a nightmare; the complete opposite of his father. Since your job allowed it, you stalked him on his many social media platforms as soon as you received the phone call from your boss, just to get an insight of what you were getting into. You spent hours scrolling through the many pictures Bucky posts all the time. And so far, you gathered that he was; a brat, a party animal, spends his father’s money like it’s no one’s business on expensive cars and clothing. He enjoyed the finer things in life.

Oh well, you thought to yourself, this one is going to be quite a handful. Besides, rich kids hate security anyways.

 You got downstairs and found some of the guards standing at the foyer, you joined them and they all gave you courteous nods. You noticed how they all stopped slouching as soon as you approached them, they stood straight. You smirked a little. Your job did require you to be somewhat intimidating and controlling, but you liked it. You quite enjoyed the power which came along the job.

In less than a minute, he finally walked through the doors; the one and only – Bucky. He entered the house with a gait which radiated arrogance. You refrained from rolling your eyes at him and his almost visible cockiness. But, you expected no less.

Dressed in all black, leather jacket and boots; you had to admit he was an attractive young man.

“Well, well, there’s nothing better than coming home after 5 years and being welcomed by a group of guards!” he sassed, looking at the guys. And you saw how he did a double take when he saw you. He did that thing that most men do when they see you for the first time; stare.

Perfect hair, minimal makeup, bold red lip, high heels for the aesthetics and wearing a tailored black suit with a white button down shirt – you looked great and you knew it. So you let him stare, just like you let all of them stare. Only not many men approached you, most of them were intimidated.

But Bucky wasn’t one of those, no. Bucky was shameless, and cocky and confident. He walked right up to you, eyed you up and down and smirked.

“Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes! What’s your name, beautiful?” he asked, surprising you a little. But surprising the rest of the guards even more. They all turned their heads in sync to look at the exchange between you and Bucky. Because no one ever dared to talk to you like that before.

You smirked and tilted your head up just a little, looked Bucky right in the eyes. “Y/N. Head of security. My team and I were appointed by your father to keep you away from trouble until he gets back home. Because you’re unable to do so on your own despite being a grown man.” You answered with a straight face and nothing but sarcasm lacing your words.

Bucky was a little taken aback, usually women melt under his stare – but not you. He heard a chuckle or two come from the group of guards who stood nearby and he felt a little, just a little intimidated. But he liked that. You were fiery, and he was digging it. “Anything else, Mr. Barnes?” you asked again, breaking his little reverie.

He shook his head. “No.” he still had that damn smirk on his face.

You faked smiled at him. “Very well then, Wilson will show you to your room. He and Quill will be your bodyguards for the days to come.” You briefly explained, and pointed to Sam and Peter.

Bucky spared them a dirty look and by the time he looked back at you, you began walking away. “Hey, wait!” he called out after you. You stopped and turned around, refraining from rolling your eyes again. Bucky smirked, and walked over to you again.

“Why can’t you be my bodyguard? You seem badass enough for that. Besides, we could really have a lot of fun together you and I.” he finished with a wink.

You flashed him another faint, fake smile. “Mr. Barnes, you should know that I have a lot more important things that require my attention. My team needs me to help run your father’s company while he’s away. I can’t possibly do that and babysit you at the same time.” You leaned in just a little and whispered the last sentence just so the guys won’t hear you.

Bucky chuckled as you stared at him for another second before turning around, leaving him behind again. And oh did he enjoy watching you walk away. He had never had any woman be so uninterested in him before. So this was very new to him. And he was intrigued.

 Like you said, his two bodyguards showed him to his room where he spent the rest of the day. He thought of you, shamelessly, while he showered. Self-abusing himself under the warm water as he thought of your bold personality, and those irresistible eyes of yours… and your red lips, and your body… and the way you carried yourself, confidence and power surrounding you. He had only met you hours ago, but he wanted you. Bad.

He made a mental note to pester you and annoy you until you finally give in. because he was Bucky Barnes, whatever he wanted he got. And right now there was nothing more he wanted than you. Bucky didn’t know exactly where or how this would go, but one thing he knew for sure – he had to have you.

---

The next two days were absolutely terrible. Actually, the days were fine; it’s Bucky who made them terrible.

It started out when your boss called you, asking you if you could stay under the same roof as his son. For the latter’s safety and well-being, because there was no one else he trusted around his son more than you. Not having the heart to say no to the old man, you agreed.

Bucky was excited when he heard this decision made by his father. And suddenly, all of his shirts went missing. He paraded around with just his sweatpants on, purposely entering and leaving the room which you were in several times just to get your attention.

Sure it was annoying, but you couldn’t complain much; he was fit. Now you knew why he had so many girls around him all the time on all of his social media posts. The guy was hot!

He annoyed you even more by constantly flirting with you, without hesitation. Or he would do this thing where he would purposely walk by you, and make sure his body brushes against yours each time. But you worked for his dad so there was nothing you could do or say. However no matter what he did, he was never disrespectful.

He even tried to have your number, to which you denied at first. Then he thought he blackmailed you by saying what if he gets in trouble one day and how he should have it just in case. And you rolled your eyes and gave him your number just so he would shut up.

But he didn’t.

Given you had to live with him, you settled in one of the many guest bedrooms. You chose the one on the ground floor, trying to be as far away from Bucky’s room as possible. But still, he annoyed you all through the night by texting you incessantly. And it was always cheesy texts which made you question how is he a 25 year old adult;

‘I can’t sleep. Come cuddle me?’

‘I know you’re awake. Are you possibly thinking about me? ;)’

‘I would sleep better with you here with me yk’

‘I’m all alone… in my bed… thinking of you… with my hand wrapped around my big… Bible because I pray to God that one of these days you respond to my messages jfc’

 You would never respond to any of his messages. You would just laugh and turn your phone on silent each night before going to bed.

It’s alright, you told yourself, I can keep him safe and ignore him at the same time, right?

 Wrong.

A few days later, Bucky received an invite to a prestigious party being held in the city by one of his father’s closest friend and long-time business ally. And given his dad wasn’t here, Bucky was the one who would have to go in his place, he couldn’t possibly miss it.

But there was a problem – Bucky needed a date.

 “Absolutely not.” You denied him right when he came into the study room, where you were dealing with paperwork, asking you to be his date for the party tomorrow.

He sighed dramatically. “Why not? If you go as my date, you could keep an eye on me as well.” He approached you by the book shelf and stood a little too close. He leaned in and whispered, “Because I tend to misbehave a lot.” He breathed in your ear in his deep, velvety voice.

And you felt a tingle dance down your spine when he whispered in your ear, but you convinced yourself it was nothing.

You thought over it. His dad had specifically asked not to let him go anywhere on his own. Plus, you wouldn’t trust him on his own. Lately even Sam and Peter had been complaining that he could be unmanageable.

“Fine.” You agreed on going as his date to the party.

---

The lavish party was being held at an equally grand mansion.

You should have known it was a bad idea to come here as Bucky’s date. Because not only was he absolutely shameless and flirty, and annoying but this spoilt brat also took the liberty to tell everyone that you were his girlfriend before you could stop him or correct him.  

And soon, you two became the talk of the room; he noticed that the men gave him envious glares while you noticed that the ladies gave you envious glares.

“We look great together.” He whispered in your ear and proceeded to lean down and kiss your cheek and pulled you closer while the two of you were slow dancing, after he begged you to. And you had to keep fake smiling as you looked up at him with nothing but annoyance in your eyes.

You kept your hands around his shoulders while he smirked and placed one of his hand right on your butt. “Come on, admit it.” He said, full of cockiness.

You gently moved his hand from your ass to the side of your leg, where your thigh holster was, with a handgun in it. His smirk disappeared for a few moments as he felt the gun through your stunning evening gown and you smirked this time, looking up at him.

Just for show, you leaned in to kiss his cheek as well. “Try that again and I’ll shoot you and make it seem like an accident.” You whispered in his ear and pulled away to fake smile at him.

Bucky chuckled. “Can’t tell if you threatened me or turned me on even more, babe.” He whispered, winking at you and you rolled your eyes at him.

 You left the dimmed dance floor as soon as the song ended. And you went to grab your clutch and went to get a drink at the bar. You sipped on it lazily, then noticed that Bucky wasn’t by your side yet; annoying you like he had been all night. You turned around, expecting to find him near you somewhere. But you didn’t see him.

You panicked for a moment. But then your phone rang in your clutch. You answered it immediately once you saw that it was Bucky.

“Where the hell are you?” you whisper-yelled through the phone.

He chuckled. “Aww, miss me already? Can’t even leave you for a few minutes? Jesus, you’re so obsessed with me.” He sounded just as cocky as ever. And even though you couldn’t see him, you knew he had that damn smirk on his face right now.

You sighed, less worried now that you knew he was alright. “Bucky, where are you?” you asked, your tone serious.

“We have a problem.” He answered.

“We?”

“Well I do, but you’ll have to fix it. It’s bad.” He spoke again.

You sighed again. “Everyone here already thinks I’m dating you. What could be worse?”

He fake gasped over the phone. “Wow that hurt. Okay but seriously, I spilled my drink all over my shirt. I have another set of clothes in the car. I need your help, please.”

“Where are you?” you asked, clearly annoyed but you had no other choice but to help him.

“Upstairs’ library.”

You ended the call in his face and sighed again. You swallowed the rest of your champagne and asked one of the guards who came with you to go get Bucky’s clothes. You managed to hide from the crowd and get to him in less than a few minutes.

And there he was, standing in the middle of the spacious library. Shirtless, hands in his pockets. And with his signature smirk on.

“That was quick.” He sounded amazed, “Can’t away from me for long, can you babe?” he tilted his head to the side and gave you one of his famous smirks.

You rolled your eyes at him and handed him the shirt and tie on a hanger. “Seriously, get dressed.” You wouldn’t lie, you did check him for a few seconds because sure he was an annoyance, but he had a body to die for. Abs, Adonis belt, a sinful trail of hair starting from his lower stomach all the way down to-

“Take your time. I’m not going anywhere, stare all you want.” He sounded cocky once he caught you checking him out. He leaned in closer, “I’m all yours.”

You sighed again, crossing your arms over your chest. “Oh please. I don’t have time for young, immature boys.” You gave him another one of your fake smiles and turned around to leave. But he stopped you again.

You turned back around to face him as he finished buttoning up his shirt. “What?” you sounded like you were done with him.

He didn’t say anything, he just lifted the tie up to your face and gave you another idiotic but somewhat adorable grin.

Of course, you should’ve known he couldn’t tie his own tie. You wouldn’t even be surprised if he didn’t know how to knot his own shoelaces. You grabbed the black tie and walked up to him, throwing it around his neck and stepped up closer to tie it into a perfect knot. He stared at you the whole time.

“You’re really pretty, you know that?” he pointed out, with a big smile on his pretty face.

You glared at him, then looked back down to focus on getting the knot right. And he spoke up again, “I said, you’re really pretty y-,”

You cut him off. “I heard you the first time. I’m seven years older than you, so quit it.” you clarified, thinking the age gap would be a turn off for him. But it was quite the contrary.

He smirked when he heard that you were older. “That’s hot.” He commented, and honestly you expected no less from him. You glared at him again and he casually wrapped his arms around you and pulled you close to him. So close that his lips almost touched yours.

You tried ignoring how your heart fluttered.

“I have a gun on me right now, I suggest you behave before I do something we both regret.” You spoke monotonously, as always and he just smirked.

“I get all tingly when you threaten me like that, babe.” He was incessant.

You abruptly tightened the tie way too much on purpose and his eyes widened for a second as he struggled to breathe for a moment. You pulled his face closer to yours by tugging on the tie. “Enough.” You whispered, looking him dead in the eyes and making it just a little uncomfortable for him to breathe.

You let go of him after a few seconds and walked away without another word said. And once again, he didn’t shut up when he should have. “You look even better when you’re walking away!” he called out after you and it took you all your willpower not to turn around and punch his perfect, chiseled face.

---

As you expected, Bucky didn’t give up trying to annoy you. Even days after the party, he wouldn’t stop following you around and annoying you at all times. But you had to put up with it, because you knew that the closer he is to you, the better you can watch over him. But oh God was he annoying.

He lazily walked over to the couch where you were sat at in the living room one afternoon. You were replying to some emails for work, and filling in Bucky’s dad at the same time. Of course, through text you made it seem like his son was perfect and well-behaved, when in reality… well, not so.

Bucky sighed dramatically, trying to get your attention but you purposely didn’t want to give him the satisfaction so you kept typing. He groaned and plopped down right next to you on the couch, and you didn’t have to turn your head to look at him to know that he was shirtless again, with that damn smirk on his pretty face.

“I’m bored.” He complained, whining like a child and he was sat so close to you that he was almost leaning on you. He casually placed his hand on your knee and you immediately slapped his hand away.

“Bucky, I’m working.” You said, using your ‘don’t disturb me’ voice. But he didn’t care. He never cared.

“But I’m bored.” He whined again, and took the liberty to just shut your laptop while you were clearly in the middle of some serious work. You didn’t want to waste energy on telling him off so you just closed your eyes, calmed yourself down and turned to face him finally.

He grinned like he won something. “Okay. What do you want?” you asked, keeping a polite face on so as not to give him one of your famous resting bitch faces.

He smirked. “You.” he answered with a wink and you rolled your eyes at him. And he quickly mumbled an apology that he didn’t mean and sat up straight. “Okay, let’s go out. I need to buy some stuff.”

You stared at him with a straight face, and sighed; agreeing. “Fine.” You stand up and walk towards your temporary bedroom.

“Where are you going?” he asked.

“I need to change.” You replied, without turning around.

He smirked to himself. “You don’t need to look extra pretty for me. I already like you quite a lot.” He didn’t get a reply this time, not even a glare. He just heard you sigh really loudly and slam the door of the bedroom shut really loudly. He chuckled to himself.

 He waited for you at the stairs by the front door. And he had his sunglasses on so you didn’t see the way his eyes widened when he saw you step outside in another outfit; a bit more casual than your usual suits.

Black, long-sleeved turtle neck with a grey colored pleated tennis skirt. You looked… hot.

“Staring is rude.” You sasses once you noticed he was indeed eyeing you up and down.

He smirked as you walked past him and got down the stairs, making your way to the car which was waiting for the two of you.

“Didn’t take you to be a skirt kinda girl. You’re more like a sexy suits and guns kinda girl. I mean, I love it.” he took the liberty to comment on your style.

You stopped right before you got into the driver’s seat and faced him with another fake smile. “Yeah well, it’s practical. You can’t see the handgun in my thigh holster, can you?” you smirked and got into the car.

Bucky took a few seconds to process everything. As if your appearance and you being out of his league wasn’t torture enough, now he had the image of you with a thigh holster permanently in his brain. And oh was that doing things to him. He didn’t even know he liked older, badass women until now.

Now, he was crushing on you harder than he intended to.

-

He was just as audacious and flirty in the car as always. He said he wanted to shop so you took him to the chic and expensive part of the city; where the rich kids usually go to spend mommy and daddy’s money.

Sam and Peter were in the car as well. Because Bucky was unpredictable, and you could always use more security guards around him given he was an absolute man-child. And to annoy you even further, as you walked beside him from store to store, he held your hand in his.

You would always let go of his hand, but he’d reach out to grab it again tighter each time and at some point you gave up and let him hold your hand. Again, you couldn’t have him wander off on his own so the closer he was to you, the better. Sam and Peter followed you two, trying to blend in as much as possible.

Bucky kept carelessly buying everything that fit his aesthetic; shoes, watches, jackets and everything else he didn’t bother checking the price tags of. And while he was being a difficult client, trying on everything and making a mess, you just stood there on your phone – occasionally looking at him and rolling your eyes at how extra he was.

“Do you really need that many shoes and watches?” you complained, stepping out of yet another store and already making your way to the other one. You were getting tired, and you weren’t a women who quite like shopping in general, so Bucky was just too much.

“Hey, don’t judge. I have a rep to maintain, besides I…” Bucky kept talking as you entered the next very expensive looking boutique, your hand still in his but you zoned out completely as you caught the stare of another pair of familiar blue eyes right upon stepping into the building.

Steve.

You were somewhat surprised upon seeing him so unexpectedly. But then again, it wasn’t too surprising because he was a man with expensive taste as well. You lingered around Bucky while he looked around, but all your attention was on Steve – who stared at you. Or maybe he was staring at Bucky more.

Eventually, Bucky grabbed a ton of clothes and went on try them; leaving you behind. Sam and Peter were right outside in the car, but that meant that you were alone inside the spacious store and there was nowhere for you to go as Steve began walking towards you. For a second you debated stepping out and joining Sam and Peter in the car while you waited for Bucky, but it was too late, Steve was too close by the time you thought of it.

You panicked, but you had perfected the calm and composed face so you put that on as he got closer and closer. You knew there was no way you could avoid him now.

“Y/N, hey.” He greeted you with a smile.

You returned him a fake one. “Steve, hello.” You kept your voice steady and monotonous, not letting your irritation and uncomfortableness show.

He stepped closer like he was an old friend, invading your personal space like it was nothing. Then again, he never cared much about you. “How come you’re here? You don’t even like shopping.” He pointed out, surprising you with how he still remembered that little detail about you.

You maintained the fake smile on your face and crossed your arms over your chest out of habit. “Yeah well, people change Steve.”

He chuckled dryly. “Is it that boy you came with? Did he bring about that change?” he asked, clearly jealous and bitter – like he always was.

You smirked. “That’s none of your business.” You were still calm but you could see it in his eyes; his anger slowly building up.

He scoffed. “What, you’re dating young boys now? He looks too young for you, seriously Y/N.” Steve commented, rudely and stepped closer to you – forcing you to take a small step backwards. “You need a man to take care of you, remember that.” he whispered, reaching out to twirl a lock of your with his fingers.

You didn’t know what to say to him, but luckily you heard Bucky’s voice speak up behind Steve.

 Bucky stepped out of the changing room with the piles of expensive jackets and sweaters he intended to buy and he stepped out with a grin, excited to see you roll your eyes at him. He enjoyed annoying you for some weird reasons. But his smiled morphed into a frown the moment he saw another man standing too close to you.

Bucky dumped all the clothes on the couch nearby and stared at the guy. Slightly long hair, facial hair, dressed in a sharp suit; the good looking bastard was talking to you, and Bucky didn’t like it. He approached the two of you, eavesdropping like it’s no one’s business.

“…You need a man to take care of you, remember that.” the guy said, while toying with a lock of your hair.

The audacity, Bucky thought to himself, I haven’t even touched her hair yet.

“She doesn’t need anybody. Now back the fuck away from my girl.” Bucky said out loud, not bothering about whether the workers heard or not. They probably did given they were most likely eavesdropping just like he was.

The guy turned around to face him. Bucky was ready to throw punches but the guy didn’t initiate anything so he kept his calm as well. But on the inside he was raging. He wondered why he was so bothered by some other man talking to you. Maybe, he liked you a lot more than he thought.

The guy scoffed and walked away without another word said, probably choosing not to make a scene. Once he left, Bucky looked at you with worry in his eyes.

“Are you okay?” he asked, stepping closer to you. And surprisingly, unlike Steve’s proximity, you didn’t mind Bucky’s.

You nodded and refused to look him in the eyes. He understood and grabbed your hand and walked out of the building and into the car.

After an exchange of drivers, all of you made your way home. You were quiet, as always, focusing on the road. But Bucky was quiet as well, which was weird. You wanted to comment on it, but you decided not to. It wasn’t uncomfortable anyways.

A few minutes later, he spoke up.

“That was Rogers, wasn’t it? Dad’s business rival?” he asked, referring to Steve.

You nodded.

“Do you… Is he… how do you… I mean, he’s-,” Bucky struggled to find the right way to ask you about how you know Steve like that. So you cut off his rambling and answered the question he truly had.

“He’s my ex.” You said.

And then the silence was back for a few minutes. Sam and Peter pretended not to be in the car.

Bucky spoke up again, “May I ask why you broke up? It’s none of my-,”

You cut him off and answered again. You had nothing to hide, besides, Bucky sort of saved you back there. “He wanted me to quit my job, and stay at home and have his children. But I wanted to work and settle down later in life so… yeah.” you simplified it as much as you could for him.

He nodded slowly, before scoffing loudly. “Well what an ass! He doesn’t deserve you. Anyone worth being with you would be so fucking proud of what a badass woman you are. And how well you do your job and manage all of this all on your own. I mean, you’re beautiful as hell too and I-,”

You cut him off again, with a genuine smile and shaking your head at him. “Alright, alright enough buttering me up. What do you want?” you asked, smirking.

He gasped dramatically. “What? No, I meant what I said. You’re beautiful and amazing and badass.” He truly meant it. He hadn’t realized he admired you so much. He had never felt like this, so to lighten up the mood he added, “But since you’re asking, can I please go out with my friends tonight, alone?” as expected, he asked with an adorable face.

The kind you have problem saying no to. But you absolutely had to.

“No. Your dad strictly said no parties, no clubbing, no coming home drunk. You’re not in uni anymore, Bucky. When you’re dad gets back, you will join the business and someday, you’ll take over. You need to start acting responsible.” you repeated his dad’s words to him and he almost whined like the spoilt brat he is.

“But it’s not a party.” He argued. “I won’t get drunk.”

You turned to look at him briefly. “What is it then?”

“It’s a thing.” He replied. This man was seriously a 5 year old child.

“What thing?” you asked in your serious voice and he sulked.

“Just a thing.” He said, looking down at his lap. Just looking at him would tell you that he hadn’t heard ‘no’ a lot in his life.

“No. And stop sulking, you’re twenty five years old. Act like it.” you announced your final decision that he’s not allowed to leave the house alone. Definitely not for a party.

And you expected him to listen and not make things more difficult for you. But you should’ve known that Bucky wasn’t one to behave.

 ---

You woke up around 2 a.m. to countless messages, missed calls and emails. Your phone kept going off non-stop so you decided to check it. Some of the other members of the teams kept sending you screenshots of paparazzi pics of Bucky at some illegal car race taking place in the outskirts of the city.

And you were confused for a minute, because hours ago he said he was going to bed. You grabbed your phone tightly in your hand and jumped out of your bed, and ran upstairs. Your rapid footsteps on the stairs seemed to have caught Sam and Peter’s attention as well because they happened to be right behind you when you rushed into Bucky’s empty room.

He wasn’t here. He must’ve snuck out to go to a freaking car race!

“Why didn’t the alarm go off?” you turned to face the two guards and they looked at you sheepishly. Oh this was bad.

“He must’ve turned it off before leaving.” Peter answered, just as worried as you were. All of your jobs could be at stake here. But of course, the spoilt brat didn’t care about any of that.

“I don’t care what it takes but find him. And bring him home. I need to make a few calls and have these pictures taken down before his father finds out. Go, now!” you raised your voice a little and Sam and Peter rushed out of the room. And a few seconds later you heard two cars leaving the property.

Meanwhile, you were worried sick and angry and scared. You grabbed your phone and proceeded to disturb a lot of people who could help you take these pictures down before Mr. Barnes finds out.

You also made a mental note to have a talk with Bucky when he does eventually come back home. You would try not to lose your temper, but it seems like he needs to be given a lecture about all the things he’s not allowed to do. Disabling the alarm and sneaking out for example.

-

You promised you would keep your calm. And that you would talk to him without losing your temper. But the minute he walked into the house, at around 6 a.m., accompanied by Sam and Peter who somehow managed to find him at some beach and dragged him out of a party and now brought him home.

You saw the smirk on his clearly somewhat drunk face and your anger took over.

“Hi beautiful.” He said, smirking and then pointed to both guards, “You sent a search party, looks like you missed me.” He sassed.

And you couldn’t control yourself anymore. Your anger could be seen on your face as you marched towards him rapidly, and out of nowhere grabbed him by the collar threateningly. You were livid. And Sam and Peter chose to stay out of this one because oh boy, you weren’t one to mess with when you were angry.

“When the hell will you fucking learn, huh?” you yelled in his face.

He was still sobering up thanks to the coffee Sam got him but even he knew that he had messed up this time by the look on your face. He was surprised at how physical you were. Part of him knew it was wrong but he couldn’t help but feel a rush either. He was torn between scared of what your anger will entail, but also being turned on a little.

“Where the fuck have you been? Your dad specifically asked for you not to go out on your own because he has not been seeing eye-to-eye with a lot of people lately! And there is a lot more people than you think out there who could be after you just to hurt you and mess with your dad!” you yelled and Bucky was surprised.

He didn’t know this. Neither did Sam and Peter or the rest of the guys. Mr. Barnes trusted you immensely, so he told you some of his dark secrets. This was one of them, which is why he was so strict regarding the rules Bucky had to follow now that he was back home. And this revelation shocked everyone in the room.

You tugged on his collar a little more, and his body jerked forward a little and he was surprised at how physically strong you were. But he still didn’t say a word. “Do you know how many phone calls I had to make to take those pictures down and make sure your dad doesn’t find out? But you don’t care, do you?”

Bucky felt a pang of guilt at your words.

“You don’t care about anyone else but you! You are a spoilt, selfish brat! I know you’re not used to it, but at least try, damn it! Try and care about your dad’s reputation, about our jobs which involves taking care of your ungrateful, stuck up ass!”

He had never felt so guilty before, nor had anyone ever dared to point out his mistakes so vividly like you did just now. And you weren’t wrong, Bucky never cared about the consequences of his actions. Let alone about how his reckless habits could affect someone else.

“Disabling the alarm and sneaking out, look I don’t know who the fuck you think you are Bucky, but you sure as hell aren’t a kid anymore! Fucking act like an adult!” you yelled again.

He hadn’t thought, before sneaking out, that if anything bad does happen; you might lose your job. Not just you, but all the guards and everyone else in your team. And now he was ashamed.

With one last tug, you let go of his collar and panted, trying to control your breathing and anger. You stepped away and pressed the top of the bridge of your nose; already feeling a headache forming due to all the stress. You ran a hand over your face, sighing in relief that he was home but also in annoyance at how childish and careless he could be.

“Now go shower, get some sleep and sober up.” You looked up into his ocean blue eyes which showed nothing but guilt and shame, as they should. “And for fuck’s sake, stop making my life a living hell.” You spat bitterly and turned around to walk away.

You still had a lot to do and take care of today, and this day began with a rough start and you didn’t even get a good night of sleep. And it was barely even 7 a.m. yet, to say you were cranky would be an understatement.

-

You had extra work to do today, given Bucky’s previous rebellious actions. Along with the usual work load you had, which made today extra hectic and your mood was off as well. Your team had dealt with the paparazzi situation wonderfully. Mr. Barnes didn’t know a thing. But that didn’t mean that you were on speaking terms with Bucky.

You saw him less than usual throughout the day. Once in the kitchen, where you were making coffee and he dropped by to try and talk to you but he saw the look on your face and turned back around without saying a word. Then another time when you were in the living room, and he walked by without saying a word. The tension between the two of you was real.

He felt so guilty that it seemed like it was eating him alive. Plus, he hated how your mood was shitty all because of him. He wanted to apologize, but couldn’t. He didn’t know how to, because he never had to. But he knew he should. Because he messed up big time, driven by his arrogance and recklessness.

He hated how you were mad at him. He realized that these past weeks, the highlights of his days has been getting your attention and watch you roll your eyes at him, and replying to his sarcasm with even more sarcasm. Now his day just seemed dry and empty, and he wanted so badly to make things right.

You weren’t exactly ecstatic after yelling at him like that either. Usually your days consisted of shaking your head at Bucky’s silly messages and replying to none of them, or trying so hard not to laugh at his terrible jokes, and allowing him to hold your hand in his whenever you were out. You wouldn’t lie, you did miss his harmless mischief.

But he had to be told off. He was getting way out of hand.

 -

You turned in for the night earlier than usual, and right when you got out of the shower someone knocked on your bedroom door. Forgetting that you were in your bathrobe, you rushed to open the door thinking it might be one of the guards coming to tell you that Bucky had run off again.

But you were somewhat surprised when you found Bucky himself standing on the other side, scratching the back of his neck nervously. You didn’t say anything, you let him feel the awkward silence, and he deserved it. But then it got way too quiet so you spoke up.

“Don’t you own a shirt?” you asked, leaning against the door frame and eyeing his perfect body. He was shirtless again, what’s new.

Bucky tried so hard not to look at your cleavage, but he failed miserably. “I do. I just thought that if I look hot enough, you’d maybe forgive me quicker.” He voiced out his inner thoughts shamelessly.

You sighed. Guess he’ll never grow up, huh?

“Is this how you apologize after almost fucking up all of our lives and jeopardizing my job?” you asked, sarcastically in a monotonous tone for extra effect.

He sighed and looked down. Bad idea because now he got a good view of your legs peeking through the slit of the robe. He was once again, torn – debating between begging for your forgiveness or just say ‘fuck it’ and lean in for that kiss he’s been desperate for since he saw you.

He went with the latter.

Bucky barely gave you time to process anything as he gently pushed you inside the room, shut the door behind him, wrapped his arms around you and pulled your body closer to his as he placed his mouth on yours.

You were surprised, and you knew it was wrong, but you didn’t hate it. He kissed you feverishly, with ardor and passion and everything else he felt for you. He poured it all out through the kiss. Like he was coaxing you into forgiving him.

Bucky’s mouth moved perfectly with yours, his arms tightened their grip around your waist and your hands slid into his hair. You tugged on it gently as he started walking the two of you backwards, towards the bed.

He laid you down on the mattress and climbed on top of you, still not breaking the kiss. And you had to admit, he was a great kisser. He nibbled on your lower lip before pushing his tongue past your lips; gently stroking the top of your mouth while his hand slowly undid the knot at the front of your robe. Once it loosened enough, he reached out to grab your left breast; squeezing it and making you whine under him.

He smirked through the kiss. He had been waiting for this for way too long and now he finally had you. Bucky further unwrapped the robe from around your body and toyed with your breasts while he kissed you deeply. And when one of his hands started slowly making its way down your body and between your legs, that’s when you pulled away from the kiss and stared into his eyes; breathless from his kiss.

Bucky panicked. What if you pushed him off now? Or worse, what if he had angered you even more?

But instead, you smirked and pushed him down; flipping the two of you around so that now you straddled him. You settled comfortably around his waist, your robe barely covering your body but neither one of you cared. Bucky looked up at you with nothing but adoration and lust.

You leaned down to gently brush your lips with his. His hands immediately rubbed up and down your sides lovingly. “You put me in a lot of trouble today, you know that?” you whispered, your lips brushing with his ever so gently with each word and his heart raced.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know.” he mumbled, reaching up to try and press his lips to yours, but you pulled away really quickly.

“Sorry doesn’t make it better.” you spoke sternly. “You’re still a spoilt brat.”

Bucky smirked and supported his upper body up on his elbows, with you still straddling his waist; your core pressing down on his crotch. “And what are you gonna do about it?” he sassed and tried to ignore how fast his heart was beating as you reached out to slowly traced his mouth with your finger.

He bit his lip as your finger slowly trailed down his face, along his neck and down till his abs; so slowly that you could feel his muscles tensing underneath your touch. You smirked when you noticed the effect you have on him, and how he couldn’t help but stare at your almost naked body.

“You need to learn how to do as you’re told sometimes.” You trailed your fingertips back up his body, making him squirm just a little and you grabbed his jaw and forced him to look you in the eyes. “Understood? Or do you need to be taught?” your tone sounded a lot more stern that you intended.

Bucky was pleasantly surprised. He nodded rapidly, trying to hide his smirk as the look on your face let him know that he was in for a ride. “Think I need to be taught.” He whispered, looking into your eyes to find lust, and hunger – same as his.

You smiled at his answer. Of course he did. “Very well then.” And without another word said, you grabbed both his hands and pulled them away from your body and pinned both of his wrists above his head, down on the pillows. “Keep them there.” You ordered.

But as usual, he didn’t have the habit of listening so he moved his hands back on you, pulling you closer and caressing your skin. He just needed to touch you. But you were running out of patience. You grabbed both his hands and pinned them above his head again. “I said, keep them there.” You said slowly, in a strict voice.

He smirked at first, but upon seeing that you were reaching for the black tie on your bedside table, his smile faded but he felt all tingly and his body throbbed in anticipation.

You grabbed the tie you had carelessly thrown there a day or two ago and carefully tied his wrists together. The cool, silky fabric against his skin made his heart skip a beat. You then secured his wrists to the part metal part wooden headboard. Your breasts were right in his face as you did so but he didn’t mind it.

Once done, you straightened your back to get a good look at him; beneath you, tied up and lips parted as he awaited what’s next. You smirked at how he gave you his famous puppy dog eyes. But no matter what, he wasn’t getting out of this so easily this time.

Oh no, you were planning on messing with him and toying with him until he can’t physically take it. And that’s exactly what you did.

You took off his sweatpants, and underwear then finally your robe. And as you did, his cock erected even more; standing proud and tall. Bucky’s face was flushed, and you could tell he was flustered and hot and bothered already – and you had barely touched him yet.

“Think you can always have your way, don’t you?” your voice barely above a whisper as you settle on his right thigh. You bit your lip the minute you felt his warm, smooth skin press against your wet core. You rolled your hips gently against his thigh and you felt the familiar tingle dance down your spine.

Bucky watched you ride his thigh slowly; lips parted, his cock beginning to throb and leak. He knew then that this was going to be a long, hard night for him.

You pressed both your palms against his toned abdomen, carefully avoiding touching him right where he needed you as you worked to get yourself off by humping his thigh. You were leaving behind a damp patch on his skin and he bit his lip as he watched you; breasts bouncing gently, lips parted, softly gasping as you made yourself cum.

He watched how your soft moans got louder and how you humped his thigh faster, getting higher… and higher… you tilted your head back, purposely putting up a show just for him. He groaned when you whined wantonly, and he gently lifted his thigh – pressing further into your clit. He felt your wetness smearing all over his skin and he hopelessly wanted a taste.

Bucky’s cock was leaking embarrassingly by the time you came undone above him, leaving him still hard and throbbing.  

“Please…” he murmured as he watched you come down from your high. He was desperate, and hungry and he just wanted you wrapped around him. He needed to feel you, and your warmth.

You smirked as you slowed down and finally came to a stop, still straddling his thigh. “Please..” you mocked him, chuckling. “You’ve always had things handed to you on a platter. You’ve never known patience, or how to ask nicely, have you?” you smirked again, leaning in to trace his lips with your tongue. “Well you will today.”

You gave him a brief kiss before finally wrapping your hand around his cock. He almost whimpered as he closed his eyes and relished your touch. He felt thick and hard, and big. You lazily stroked his length, up and down. Your thumb rubbed his tip slowly, making him groan as you kissed your way down his neck. You kissed his skin feverishly; leaving your marks behind as you bit and sucked on Bucky’s skin around the base of his throat; making him shudder in pleasure and moan sinfully.

You pulled away after a while to look at him. His eyes rolled to the back of his head and with his lips parted and occasional moans escaping his open mouth; completely under your mercy. You smirked at how pre cum started dripping down his cock, and you knew that he was getting more and more desperate by how he kept murmuring please…please…please.

“Come on now, ask nicely.” You teased, knowing damn well you wouldn’t let him cum so easily.

Bucky groaned and opened his eyes to look at you. His eyes were darker, his gaze more intense and he tried to thrust his cock into your hand but then gave up because each time he did, you would just let go of his length. So he just let you toy with him however you liked, he took whatever you gave him.

“Please… please make me cum.” He whispered, voice strained and weak.

You chuckled as you felt him twitch in your grasp. “No.” you simply said and released him, leaving him right on the edge. He was still hard and throbbing and desperate. You leaned down to kiss him on his hip bones, gently kisses on each side and you heard him groan and squirm.

You smirked and kissed your way up his body. Eventually making your way up his body so you were straddling his face. Your hips wrapped around his head as he looked up at you. None of you minded the intimate position, he was just happy to finally touch you again. Bucky looked up at you with hunger in his eyes. And you smirked as you lowered your wet core to his mouth.

Bucky wasted no time, his mouth latched onto your clit and his tongue took in whatever you gave him. He worked his mouth at your entrance like his life depended on it. Sucking and licking and shoving his tongue past your wet folds, he ate you out like there’s no tomorrow, occasionally moving his head side to side.

You moaned out loud, throwing your head back as one of your hands held the head board for support and the other tangled in Bucky’s hair. His tongue worked wonders against your sensitive clit, making you feel all tingly and warm as you dripped all over his mouth.

“You taste so good…” he murmured against your wet folds and you very gently rolled your hips against his face, smearing your arousal all over his lips and chin; he licked a hot, thick stripe from your entrance up to your clit, with his teeth grazing it until he had you moaning loudly against him.

Your hips bucked against his face as he licked each and every drop of what you gave him. He closed his eyes and hummed loudly at your taste, making you whine and for a moment, you forgot that you weren’t supposed to be giving him the satisfaction. He was just that good and skilled with his tongue. Bucky adored the sounds you made above him. He even forgot that he was himself, throbbing with need. He was just hell bent on making you cum all over his tongue.

He had been fantasizing about this, about having your thighs wrapped around his head and to taste you and make you cum all over his tongue. And you soon realized that you were letting him have his way, so you pulled away quickly.

Bucky’s eyes shot open, “No please… I want more,” he complained, whining as you moved away from his face and kissed your way down his body again. And he was giving you the puppy dog eyes again. You almost gave in but you weren’t entirely done with him yet.

He whimpered as you slowly kissed your way down his body again; down his neck, across his bare chest and all the way to his thick, erected cock. Without any warning, you took him into your mouth, all of him. And he moaned out loud, mindlessly. You placed your mouth on his tip; your tongue slowly circling his tip.

You bobbed your head around his tip; taking him in inch by inch until he hit the back of your throat. You kept your eyes on his perfect face as you sucked on his cock. He closed his eyes momentarily, lips parted and gasping as he tilted his head back. He looked handsome, completely at your mercy.

The gasps and moans which escaped his lips as he squirmed made you smirk. It only made you want to tease him even more, and keep him on the edge. His breathy moans, his soft gasps and the way he whimpered at your touch – it made you feel even more powerful than usual. He moaned and panted; murmuring your name over and over again, begging you to speed up already and make him cum. Bucky relished the warmth of your mouth wrapped around him, perfect like he had dreamt of so often.

He twitched against your tongue and you tasted some of his pre cum. You slowed down, not wanting to grant him the satisfaction just yet. You took him out of your mouth; licking his cock from bottom to top while your hands toyed with his balls. Bucky moaned, his voice cracking; making him sound weak and desperate.

He swore under his breath as you dragged your tongue over the slit on this tip very lazily. You chuckled as he tried thrusting his hips up, hoping that you would stop messing with him already. Your ability of bringing him right to the edge and mercilessly keeping him there for as long as you wished to was driving him insane.

 Bucky lost all self-control the moment you sank down on him, your wet warmth wrapping all around him; making him swear under his breath and groan. You lean in and caress his face, looking him deep in his ocean blue eyes while you rocked your hips against his. He was quite a sight; all muscular and strong, and handsome but tied to your bed at your mercy. You chuckled and leaned in to bite his lip, tugging on it as you pulled away, surely making him lose his mind. 

You moved against him perfectly, your walls gripping him tightly and making him get louder and louder each time. Just when you felt him twitch inside you, you lifted your hips up and pulled him out of you and watched him whine and smirked at his helplessness. 

“Come on, ask nicely.” You teased. “Beg.” You said more sternly, whispering against his mouth; lips hovering above his parted ones. You leaned in to kiss his open mouth carelessly. And in that moment, he was ready to do anything for you, to please you.

“Y/n… please...” His voice was low, barely even a whisper. But you heard it. His desperation was quite clear. And he was so sensitive, from all that teasing, that once you started riding him again; he began to thrust his hips up trying to match your movements. But you messed with him even then, you slowed down your pace whenever he got too excited, and you sped up when he least expected it.

At some point, he was nothing but a sweaty, moaning mess under you; messy hair, swollen lips, and a throbbing cock. But you wanted more, you wanted to hear him whine some more, you wanted to hear how desperate he could get. You messed with him for as long as you could, and Bucky got loud, very loud; growling as you teased him, and whining your name whenever you kept him on the edge for too long. You alternated between having him in your mouth and riding his cock, and there was nothing else he could focus on in that moment. 

Just you. Only you. He was yours; yours to toy with and tease, yours to use as you pleased.

You eventually gave in; seeing he was physically worn out. And you fucked his brains out, making him cum in no time. Your walls clenched around him; gripping him and milking him perfectly. He was completely at your mercy, begging you to slow down when you kept riding his sensitive, throbbing cock even after he came. His heart raced, he was breathing hard and fast after you were done with him. You kissed his chest, murmuring how good he was.

“Now, will you finally learn how to behave and do as you’re told?” you gripped his jaw gently, and looked deep into his eyes while you spoke. His hands were still tied, and sore and they were itching to just reach out and touch you. 

Bucky nodded frantically. You smiled.

-

He stayed in your bed long after you two were done. He was clinging to you like a koala bear to a tree, shamelessly using your bare chest as a pillow. Your hand ran lazily into his hair and you smiled at how warm he felt. Sure, he was a tall and muscular man but he snuggled up to you like a child. You could feel his warm puffs of air hit your skin each steadily. You thought he was asleep but then he spoke up.

“Are you awake?” he asked, voice groggy and strained; deep.

“No.” you answered and waited for his reaction. And a few seconds later he lifted his head up to glare at you. You giggled at the face he made. After giving you a dirty glare, he got back to using your breasts as a pillow.

“Will you go out with me?” he spoke up again, asking you out.

“That’s not appropriate. I’m your dad’s employee.” you were starting to feel the day’s fatigue take over you slowly. You yawned right after speaking.

“Yeah? And what about what just happened? Is that appropriate?” he asked.

You sighed. “Go to sleep Bucky.” Truth is, you didn’t know what this was. But you wouldn’t lie, despite being annoying, it was hard not to love him.

He didn’t say anything. He pulled you closer and got on top of you, pinning you down on the bed this time. “Do you not like me?” he asked.

“I do! Get off, you’re heavy!” you giggled as he put all of his body weight on you.

“Then take responsibility for your actions. You stole my heart and now I’m in love with you.” he spoke in a matter-of-fact tone which made you laugh. “Look I’m hot and cute, it’s hard being both. I am smart,” he was listing and as soon as he said smart, you raised an eyebrow at him, questioningly. “I have a university degree to prove it, okay?” he resumed listing his qualities. “I’ll keep you away from crazy exes, and I will get you a puppy if you w-,”

You cut him off with a kiss. He sure was adorable. “Okay, okay stop.” You mumbled against his lips. “Your dad’s gonna kill me if we date.” You groaned thinking about what would happen if Mr. Barnes finds out.

Bucky kissed you deeply, then pulled away to look at you. “No he won’t. Dad likes you. Even if he tries to, I’ll protect you. I’m very strong as you can see.” He mumbled, pushing his face into the crook of your neck and making you giggle given you were ticklish.

“A big baby is what you are.” You corrected him. He chuckled.

“Please just give me a chance. I really, really like you.” he said, sincerely.

You gave it a thought. You liked him too. “Okay.” You said. He pulled away and smiled down at you. “I like you too.” You spoke again and Bucky leaned in to kiss you again.

Little did you know that giving him a chance would end up being the best decision you ever made…

[createandconstruct]

can i ask about amarant coral? the monk in red himself~

Can you ask about Amarant Coral? *cracks fingers* Oh I insist that you do. Welcome to my Amarant Appreciation Post:

favorite thing about them: First off best thing about Amarant? His theme. The percussion and the guitar. It’s great and it captures him so well. People out here like “take Amarant out of the game he adds nothing.” EXCUSE ME? You remove the Amarant you remove the Amarant Theme my friend and that is something I do NOT vibe with. 

least favorite thing about them: I wanna know more about him. Now Amarant doesn’t need a backstory or history in the game. In a sense, he already has one that connects him to Zidane and explains his motives and actions and eventual arc. But my issue is, Square never gave him anything else. If you look at Ultimania there’s additional lore about other characters, like Steiner for instance. You learn Steiner was a war orphan who was saved by the Pluto Knights - explaining his devotion to them. Amarant though? Square was like “uh... yeah he was born....? And then he uh got famous...? Idk then he met Zidane. You figure it out.” Square. I hate you. 18 years from his birth until he became “well known”. WHAT WAS HE DOING. WHY’D HE BECOME A SECURITY GUARD. WHAT WAS ON HIS RESUME. TELL MEEEE. Like, okay, what the actual in-game canon gives us on Amarant is sort of enough. He’s a purposely written mysterious “cool-guy” character so we’re given scraps to make him unknown but come on. In the published after-game canon, like Ultimania, we could have been given a bit more. He says he doesn’t remember anything about his origins or parents, but why. Was he another victim of Gaia’s wars? Probably. Was he born on a battlefield? Fighting for his life, living without comrades, taking scraps whenever he could? Was he betrayed when he was young? Is he a supposed to be a version of Zidane had he not been adopted into Tantalus by Baku??? These are questions I deserve answers to, Square.

favorite line: “’I can't just walk away. It goes against my nature...’ You're a real simpleton. Forget it, guys. There's no stopping this fool." I love this. Amarant figures Zidane out pretty quickly after Ipsen’s Castle. Zidane is hardheaded and also an actor. He acts cool and pretends his reasons for doing things are loose but when he’s decided something it’s always for a reason. You don’t need a reason to help people, but Zidane has his reasons for helping Kuja and while Amarant doesn’t give two shits what they are he knows Zidane won’t be stopped because, despite everything, Zidane saved a loser like him. Also this line “Tell me! Why didn't you kill me!?" Because I quote it all the time and it makes myself laugh. Amarant is such a drama queen and Zidane knows it. Zidane’s like “dude... what is your damage, it’s 5 pm on Tuesday in Madain Sari. I ain’t getting blood on my gloves cause you’re having a temper tantrum.” And then Amarant runs away to have an existential crisis. He’s 26 but compared to Zidane, he’s the real teenager with angst.  

brOTP: I could talk about Zidane or Freya with Amarant but instead I’m gonna say the underrated dynamic of Amarant and Eiko (and also Vivi).  Amarant with the kids is truly the greatest gift given by his presence in the game. Amarant has never known true suffering until he became a designated legal guardian of a group of minors. It also kills me how he’s the one to volunteer to carry Eiko and Vivi up the Iifa tree. He looks at Zidane and is like “you have seriously been the ‘adult’ of this group???”

OTP: Gotta say the Freya and Amarant dynamic. I really enjoyed their unlikely friendship in the game but then the content. The fan content. The Freya x Amarant fans out there, you win. Ya got me. You captured me and I am now imprisoned by their banter and begruntled allies to lovers story. Even if they’re not romantic I love them together and really wish the game gave us more of them. But even Lani and Amarant together are valid, though I prefer them as butting head bros. Not much content for my girl Lani out there either, she deserves more.

nOTP: Nothing I can think of. I tend to like platonic pairings for Amarant. The dude needs friends because he can barely define the word friendship.

random headcanon: Before Zidane returns at the end of the game Amarant wanders around a bit, unsure of what to do. He doesn’t feel any place with the others in Alexandria, Burmecia, or Lindblum. I imagine he goes off on his own for a bit like before but this time he’s not after Zidane or a fight. Instead he’s got no particular destination. Yet he somehow always finds himself running into people just like him - or the old him - friendless lonely people who are looking for a fight. He doesn’t go out his way to find these folks he simply runs into them and decides he might as well knock some sense into them. He does however make it his business to go after any murmur of people hatching any ideas of going after the far off little village on the Lost Continent. The home of the genomes and black mages. They were so helpless, so weak that anyone who’d want to mess with them is pathetic in Amarant’s book. Until Zidane returns, no one has the chance to even look at the Black Mage Village the wrong way because in the shadows Amarant lurks, making damn well sure of that.

unpopular opinion: I kinda love that he’s just there for most of the game? While I agree he gets the short end of the stick in the same way as Freya, not receiving additional individual character spotlight (which could have very well been supplied through discoverable lore in the world/npcs or through sidequests) I never considered his “standing off to the side” as a detriment to his character. 

Many would probably agree that Amarant always felt like a bit of a parody of the loner character, or at least the stereotype of the loner character. Amarant is so easily paralleled with Squall and Cloud’s surface-level attitudes because his dialogue always felt like something to poke fun at. As the player we’re supposed to align with Zidane’s way of thinking and how he views Amarant. When Amarant loses to Zidane and pretty much grits his teeth and goes “KILL ME,” along with Zidane we’re supposed to kinda raise our brow at him and go “...really, dude?”

 Amarant’s a character introduced as an antagonist who has more in common with the power hungry villains of the game. Like many of the characters in FFIX, Amarant is in search of purpose in life, which he has never found, because he was always looking in the wrong places - in places of violence and power. Very toxic-masculinity of him. Amarant is “cool” on an aesthetic level but in reality he’s the polar opposite of cool in terms of what FFIX states about the need for others to be intertwined in your experiences so that you can live a full life. 

I sort of love that he’s like a grumpy pitball following a 16 year old and his friends around. Then he sits in the corner when they all meet up and discuss current events acting like he doesn’t care (not to mention he casually walks as everyone is running as fast as they can to escape Terra - made me laugh cry on my first playthrough) He is “just there” but that’s because he has no where else to be, no where else to go, he’s a man without a home. And until Zidane offers his hand, at the point where Amarant is most willing to take it at Ipsen’s Castle, he’s not truly a party member. He IS an outsider for almost the entire game but at Ipsen Castle he joins the party, becomes a comrade, and decides he’ll allow himself to change paths and start a life where he has friends and lives, as well as fights for them. Which is why after that moment, Amarant finally has a victory pose.

song i associate with them: I was scratching my head for so long trying to think of a song or track that had Amarant vibes until it hit me. Outskirt Stand by Tsukasa Tawada (from Pokemon Colosseum). Amarant is so chill, he’s not a bombastic guy, so he needs a theme that drops me in the rocky open desert of the Lost Continent like I’m just lumbering around looking for a monkey-tailed menace. Some other Amarant tunes:  Pyrite Town, The Under, Snagem Hideout tracks from Pokemon Colosseum. This post is just an elaborate call to action for everyone to listen to the Pokemon Colosseum soundtrack. Tsukasa Tawada is so great and he has a YouTube. Check him out.

favorite picture of them:

Yoshitaka Amano’s Salamander Coral. I love him. He had too much power. 

Also everything drawn by @crispy-ghee. Everything. I will think of this Comic forever until I die. Tattoo it on my flesh. The banter, the dynamics, the post-game content, the Zidane prince-consort outfit, the new Amarant outfit, the stuck-in-the-same-place relationship him and Freya have. Perfect. Go read it and consume Crisipy’s stuff. And also check them and their current art out, they just consistently get better and better. Here’s a first panel preview of my fav comic. Read it.

 @hannahlady​‘s Amarant art and their Freya/Amarant art is just ugh. *Chef’s Kiss* Here is another preview because you should go look at it.

Here’s a piece that deserves so much more love by @snackage. I LOVE how they drew Amarant. Here’s a little preview. It’s SO GOOD

Anyway TL;DR: Amarant is love and life and you’ll have to pull him from my little gremlin hands.

[hpdabbles]

Secret Sweater Sweetheart

"Who exactly is R. Lupin?" Sirius demanded standing in his brother's doorway. He attempted to imitate Uncle Alphard, when the man was displeased, hoping the wide stance with the cross arms gave the same feeling of guilt.

If there was one thing he learned after his uncle gain guardship over them was that Uncle Alphard could weaponize guilt like no other. Sirius had never felt bad about letting down an authority figure until the man stood before him in the position.

"What?" Regulus's words slur as he tries to blink the sleep out of his eyes. Not a surprise seeing as Sirius made sure to wait until their uncle went to bed before comforting his little brother.

The man just happened to stay up until three in the morning but needs must.

"You heard me. R. Lupin. Who is he?" Sirius grabs the offensive clothing he discovered while his brother had been away earlier that day. It had been pushed under Regulus's bed, towards the wall, next to a potions textbook and a ripped sock. Sirius had seen it when he went about, picking up all the random clothes threw through the mess of a bedroom.

Despite adoring Kreacher in their old home, Regulus had never been tidy and the fact their uncle didn't believe in owning house-elves meant the brothers had to clean up after themselves. Sirius did the house laundry every Wednesday, which just so happen to be the day his little brother went to his muggle violin classes.

"Sirius, did you seriously wake me up to ask about a sweater?" The teen groans. "This is my summer break, the point of it is that I get to sleep!"

"Oh! So now you're worried about sleeping? When you sneak a boy into your room, you don't worry about sleeping then do you!?" He accused giving the hideous striped abominations a few shakes.

Regulus threw him the finger, rolling his eyes. "I didn't sneak Remus-"

"So his name is Remus!"

"-into my room. We were in muggle London, and it got cold. I forgot a coat so he lent me his sweater. That's it." The seventeen-year-old finishes not paying mind to the interruption. "We have the same violin teacher and had a class together since she doubled booked by accident"

"A likely story!" Sirius growled pacing inside the room, feeling like his animagus form that he perfected two years ago. It earned him a top score on his Transfiguration final project at Ilvermorny, enough to make him the best student of his year. A side effect of being a dog animagus was that its protective streak tended to blend into his human side. "If he wasn't a secret boyfriend why was his sweater hidden instead of returned hmm?"

"Because I thought I lost it and bought him a replacement. Hoesntly Sirius, you're making a big deal at of nothing." Regulus grumbled.

"Right, I'm making a big deal out of you calling this Remus by his first name, and keeping his sweater with his name stitched into the tag, am I?" Sirius barked, his words just the bit off of a growl "The person you happen to met once at a violin practice because your teacher double-booked?"

"I never said I met him at practice. I just happen to run into him there."

"Oh! Pardon me, I'm getting that one detail wrong. Where did you meet the secret sweetheart that you've been sneaking into the house behind Uncle's Alphad's back then?"

Regulus rubbed a hand down his face sighing as if this wasn't a valid thing to be worried about. Not only was he too young to bring boys over like this, especially with non the wiser, but if Uncle Alphard found he could become angry.

The man hasn't had a reason to seen them back to their parents yet but what if this was it. What he realized that he had made a mistake in taking in Sirius and Regulus when Sirius had come running to him all those years ago.

Yes, it's been nine years, but Sirius sometimes still wakes in the middle of the night, drenched in a cold sweat and his mother's voice haunting his nightmares screaming Crucio again and again.

His uncle may have felt bad for him then, a sobbing ten-year-old whose rain-drenched body kept shaking from the pain, and he may have taken his parents to court just to raise them both but that didn't mean he couldn't change his mind.

Uncle Alphard is a free spirit, Magic knows he had no idea what to do with kids, so Sirius always feared one day he would grow tired of them and send them back.

He would not survive if he ever went back. The very idea of being around his birth parents or anything connecting to them sends him into such a panic he tended to stop breathing correctly.

He had a meltdown when they bought his first wand because Ollivander made the mistake of telling him it was the perfect kind for a future Slytherin. A Slytherin, just like them.

Hogwarts was not an option for him.

Uncle Alphard had instead arranged for Sirius to study overseas, while Regulus requested to remain in Scotland. He didn't see his brother that much throughout the year but that didn't stop Sirius from fearing for his brother's chastity.

Who cares if he was technically a legal adult? Regulus is sensitive and easy to trick. Sirius knows what kind of boys tend to sniff around someone so innocent.

"Siri, seriously there is nothing going on between Remus and me. I call him by his first name because we went to Hogwarts together and were part of the same study group. I don't see him that often anymore since he graduated."

"How long ago did he graduate?" Sirius barked.

"Two years. Same as you."

"I thought your study group was kids from the Slug Club?" Sirius narrows his eyes when his brother huffs again.

"Remus was in the Slug Club."

"Then why was he studying with people two years younger? Shouldn't he been one of the smartest the school had to offer?"

"Remus was the tutor!"

"A likely story!"

Regulus threw his hands into the air "I can't talk to you when you're like this. It's way too late for you to be barging into my room like some lunatic. Look, if it bothers you that much I'm meeting up with Remus tomorrow at a cafe and you can meet him. Once you do, you'll realize why I wouldn't date the bloke, okay?"

"Oh, you bet I'm going to meet him!"

Sirius had been confident that he would scare that creep so he marched right out of his brother's room. He sleeps for a little while but once he was up at six he prepared to intimate. Grabbing the leather jacket with spikes, the knuckle braces, and the steel boots he gave his reflection a no-good hooligan a smirk, knowing the sweater-wearing violist may have a heart attack when he saw him

Regulus let him know at breakfast he would be meeting Remus at nine so Sirius left before him sending an owl to Remus Lupin, claiming the time charged to eight.

He picked the table least likely to be seen by anyone in the cafe and instructed the waitress to lead the man to him.

The asshole was late by ten minutes which did not make Sirius like him any more than he already did. Who knew you could go further than rock bottom?

"Are you Sirius Black?" A voice asks politely. Sirius turns his murderous glare upwards only to promptly chock on his spite.

A man around his age with soft brown hair, multiple face scars, and a jean jacket raised an eyebrow at him. He was smoking a cigrate, that somehow went nicely with the steel tip boots he was wearing.

His outfit looks raggy and mismatch, as if though the man slept on the street. The fact it was clean let him know it wasn't a homeless approaching him but rather someone who chooses to look like a mess on purpose.

He looked like a hooligan, not the type that Regulus usually goes for, but Sirius certainly did. Too bad his brother already beat him to the punch. Damn.

"Yes, I am. And you are?"

"Remus Lupin. I-"

"Are you fucking my brother?"

The bloke blinks. "No."

"Are you lying?"

Lupin frowns at him in a way that promises pain. Sirius feels a shiver run up his spine that is bother fear and anticipation. "No."

"Alright. Just know I'm on to you, secret sweater sweetheart." Of course the other would lie. Sirius isn't that dumb.

"What did you just call me?" Lupin looked utterly bewildered as the dangerous tone of his voice disappearing in his confusion.

"Sit. We have much to discuss."

It was an hour later when Regulus arrived that Sirius noticed the time went by faster than he thought it would. Somehow, the two ended up talking about themselves instead of Remus' relationship with Regulus, caught up in the pleasant company Remus turn out to be.

Sirius hasn't had this much fun with another person in so long he almost forgot to intimate him. He would just have to see the Gryffindor again it seemed.

[milenadaniels]

On Eddie/Shannon (and Ana and Buck)

So I was rewatching Eddie Begins for a thing I'm working on and I noticed almost a throwaway line I hadn't heard before. I've seen fandom talk a lot about Shannon as a mom but I've seen next to nothing about Eddie/Shannon as a couple and y'all, from what evidence we have, it was a pretty horrible relationship. I mean just god awful and irredeemable.

(Cut for length but as a teaser, I've been firmly on the Bi!Eddie boat since I fell into this trash bin but by the end of writing this I'm actually wondering if they don't mean to reveal him as gay instead because his relationships with women are nearly identical in the worst way.)

Obviously, we saw the fallout/arguments both times he came home and Shannon ended up leaving but there's a one-liner that points to how they were before Christopher was born too. Right at the start of the argument about Eddie re-enlisting without telling her, Shannon says, "Again. Without telling me. I got pregnant and you signed up. Surprise!"

This man literally heard he was about to be a father and went "how can I both provide for my growing family and not have to deal with this at all?" and joined the fucking army on the spot. And then he kept re-enlisting even though his continued absence was hell on his wife.

Honestly, from my POV, mad props to Shannon for dipping as soon as she could. Absolute dick move as a mother (she for sure could have taken/come back for Christopher) but as a wife I'm so on her side here. They got pregnant and Eddie bailed repeatedly and not only bailed but left her in El Paso with his family (her mother is implied to live farther away), and we don't know all the circumstances of her situation but we do know that A) she was very familiar with the Diaz' parents' criticism, and B) she had no life of her own to speak of!! She had no job, never mentioned anything other than her mother, and in their big fight Eddie even stresses that no, she can't get a job, her place is in the house raising Christopher.

I love Eddie Diaz an unhealthy amount but much like Buck 1.0 was painful to watch, Eddie pre-Shannon-leaving was a dick. Which is super telling me to me. Because Eddie's canonically an amazing father.....once he's a single father!

I still have a few important episodes of season 2 to watch that might provide more context but yeah, I think Shannon/Eddie were one of those couples that just were together cuz they had some interest (I always think of Sk8r Boi - he was a boy, she was a girl, can I make it any more obvious?) but ultimately didn't really connect much? But they either got married because it was the Next Thing to do or because she got pregnant, it's not clear. And their relationship seems to have degraded with each milestone because they just weren't right for each other, they were just stuck.

Literally on the beach, they're admiring Christopher and his constant happiness and Shannon goes "yeah, I don't know where he gets that" ...maybe because happiness is not a defining trait of their relationship? And Shannon is also literally asking, bro what is this? What are we doing? What am I to you? And he can't answer! He can't say, "you're the woman I'm in love with". He just knows that he's supposed to be with the mother of his kid so there we go! :)

Throughout the entirety of Shannon's arc on the show, Eddie repeatedly is ambivalent about whether to get back with her. There's no consistent "I love her so much but X" or "I have no feelings for her anymore but I should try for Christopher", there's a consistent "I don't know, I don't know, I'm waiting for a sign I guess? I don't know".

WHICH

I think it's super interesting when it comes to Ana because our boy has learned precisely 0% of his lessons when it comes to romantic relationships. He's still operating under Sk8r Boi rules and looking for a vague cutout of what a "mother for Christopher" is supposed to look like, connection and shared values be-damned! And with Ana it's like ":) it's nice?" and correct me if I'm wrong but we haven't seen any actual kiss, or like big gesture or anything towards her, right? It's just more of the same "sure? I guess? waiting for a sign" kind of energy. And for those few who didn't see it very clearly from acting choices and writing, we have Carla stopping by to say "look at your life, look at your choices."

And it's so absurd because if this was any other show you'd just be like "aw, this poor guy really struggles to connect with people" EXCEPT HE DOESN'T. Eddie is shown very much connecting emotionally with other people - primarily Buck (and Bobby), then all of the 118 and Carla and his Abuela/Pepa. (Obviously Christopher is #1 but I'm talking connecting on equal footing as adults.)

And looking at his relationship with Buck...it's literally the opposite of ambivalence. As noted here, it literally took 1 whole day for Eddie "Mr. Broody, according to Shannon" Diaz to be dancing like a dork and throwing himself into Buck's space. He introduced Buck to Chris (offscreen) pretty much right after, made Buck a part of their Christmas when he didn't want to include Shannon. And yes there are more dynamics at play here (reintroducing a lost parent is a lot more disregulating to a kid than introducing a new coworker).

But I'm talking about active passion here vs passive indifference.

About pulling this coworker into his life to the point that Buck becomes a staple of the Diaz home, to the point that as Eddie's dying, he thinks of his son and half the memories include Buck too (and Shannon's there literally as a 'hey you can't leave him too' warning, there's not a single happy memory of her in that whole montage, not even at the beach which was super cinematically shot).

About the fact that when Shannon got pregnant, he signed up for the army without telling her.

The Big Thing he hid from Buck? Making him Christopher's legal guardian, tying him to his family legally for all time.

In conclusion, Shannon leaving was the best thing for both of them to have a chance at happiness (though healthy, well-adjusted people might have figured a divorce and living nearby would have been better for Christopher but alas). And now Eddie is repeating his pattern of not looking for or choosing his happiness with Ana. It's the exact same relationship dynamic, and I'm looking forward to him understanding that and moving on from it.

[tg-headcanons]

Any headcanons for ghouls that are adopted by humans?

Ooo! Humans adopting ghouls are pretty much unheard of, but if it happens, it’s not something that goes unnoticed

Usually with mixed species families, it’s a ghoul parent with a human kid, almost never vice versa. There’s a few ways a human can get a ghoul kid and usually they don’t work out. Ghoul kids are always weeded out by a simple “make sure they eat something to prove they’re human” test before they get into the foster system, so a human would either find the child on the street, take the child in from a dead or missing ghoul friend, or get into a relationship with a ghoul that has kids. Most of the time, they panic and call the CCG when they realize the kid isn’t human, but very, very rarely, they decide to keep the kid safe

Ghouls don’t know everything about raising human kids, but humans raising ghoul kids have it way worse. How do they feed them? Why is it so clingy? Does this one not have kagune? What is it doing with kagune? They may try to feed them animal meat in hopes of it working, but after a night of comforting a very ill kid, they realize yeah they don’t know shit about how to care for a ghoul

This is the point where many who tried to care for ghoul kids give up and call the CCG, but a few exceptional humans will decide to take a risky step to protect their kid. They’d have to ask the kid to point an adult ghoul out to them, or go somewhere with a lot of ghoul huntings and just wait. When they find a ghoul they need to take the chance and ask “please don’t kill me I adopted a ghoul child and I don’t know what I’m doing.” Well that’s shocking enough to make oneself very unappetizing and very interesting. As I’ve mentioned before, ghouls have a very strong parental instinct, and against their better judgment they’ll probably go with the human just to see if it’s real. Well damn, that’s a whole ass child that seems to be very attached to this human, looks like them and whatever other ghouls in their group have to help this idiot

There’s three things the parent will learn. 1: ghouls live a terrifying life contantly in danger. 2: ghouls are way more chill and nice than they thought. 3: ghoul behavior and biology is weird as shit. They have to learn so much about how to keep the kid hidden, how to keep them out of medical exams and how to make the house feel safe. Everything from cleaning products to light bulbs need to be changed, not something they expected. Something else unexpected is how to kid needs to be held and can drink coffee and can fall out of a second story window and be fine.

Local ghouls will help when it comes to meat, they can give portions of their hunted corpses. The human is going to have to get used to dealing with human flesh, and VERY good at labeling their meat

There’s gonna be some things that freak out the parent. Like if the kid is very young and hasn’t developed their first kagune, neither know what’s going on when the first formation happens, they’re just both freaking out when it starts until the kagune forms.

The human can only get so much help from the ghouls, but it makes all the difference. Getting scent marked so they won’t be hunted, meals for their kid delivered, and some information on what the kid needs is everything. Of course there’s some things they have to find out on their own. The kid purring, hiding under furniture, making blanket nests and playing in a pitch dark room are weird but not a problem. The kid sprinting through the house, trying to cuddle every opportunity they have, and chewing on things when they grow in their carnassials is all things the parent needs to figure out how to deal with on their own

If the kid has a rinkaku or bikaku, they’re probably going to step on it a few times

Oh god oh fuck ghoul puberty is back enough normally, but with a human who doesn’t know what it means for them? Well they need to call in their Ghoul Friends to tell them What The Fuck Is Happening Why Is The Kid’s Kagune All Patchy And Why Are They Curled Up Under The Table?

That child is going to have some benefits and drawbacks being raised by a human. On one hand, their parent will never quite understand them and what it’s like to be them, and other ghouls think they act weird and smell too human. On the other hand, they have a relative who’s human and can stave off investigation and they’ve had a more stable life than most other ghoul kids. In the end, what matters the most is that the parent loves them enough to risk their life and commit so many crimes

Once that ghoul is grown up, they won’t be as good at hunting or fighting as other ghouls since they didn’t get as many opportunities to learn, so they’ll have to learn now.

By the time other ghouls learned that they have a human parent, they have so many questions to answer. Turns out they have a secret edge that most don’t: a family member that can prove they’re human and legally assert that they are human. Because of the “legal proof of humanity” thing the kid has, they’ll have their pick of any ghoul gang they want to join since that’s more useful than raw power in many situations

Even with the fake proof of humanity and any strength they may acquire, they’ve always got a parent who isn’t in danger of being exterminated that they can come home to, and that’s probably the best part

[rainydayhogwartsimagines]

Uhm hey! I love me some Draco hehe... What about a slytherin reader that's deaf? Both of them knew each other already since she's from a rich pure blood family? And just Draco protecting her from mean people (even tho he is a bully) and just like their relationship throughout the years (without voldemort and those shenanigans pls... I want Draco to be a happy boi, also both of them have cheesy moments like every 5 seconds)

Cheesy and cute? UHM FUCK YEAH MY DUDE

Warnings: Swearing. Obviously.

You met Draco when you were nine.

Your parents introduced each other and Draco said something but you didn't respond to anything.

It confused the kid, why weren't you listening to him? At all?

"And this is Y/n. Our daughter... She's deaf." Your father finally said making it register.

Draco didn't know how to talk to you but you had this journal that you just whipped out.

"I can answer yes or no questions." You wrote down.

He nodded. Okay... "Have you enjoyed your time here?" He asked.

You gave a "meh" response.

"How can... How can you talk to me?" He asked.

You started writing again.

"I read lips." You wrote.

Draco could work with this.

So you two ended up talking all night and you had a ton of fun with him.

Your parents saw the excitement on your face after you left and set up more dinners with the Malfoys.

So Draco started learning sign language. He was able to learn that quick too.

The next time you came over Draco was able to sign his name, ask how you were doing, "slow down" and "I only know a little right now".

You and him became quick friends and Lucius was lowkey grateful to see his son open to up to someone who wasn't Crabbe and Goyle.

When you two were together you'd show visible happiness and your parents were psyched because you hadn't done that before.

They'd tell you "Hey we're going to the Malfoy's" and you'd smile.

Your next few birthdays were spent with them and Draco's were spent with you.

By the time Draco and you entered hogwarts Draco knew how to use sign language almost completely.

You were naturally nervous about going to a place with a LOT of people who most likely didn't know sign language. Draco kept close to you though.

Dumbledore did issue a warning about you that you were deaf so no one would just walk up to you and start talking and be offended by no response.

The sorting ceremony happened and you were sorted into Slytherin and Draco was naturally like "FUCK YEAH MY BEST FRIEND IS WITH ME!" And you were pretty psyched to be with him too.

However a lot of kids who knew Draco were surprised to see him use ASL and so quickly too.

You would sign back and everyone was literally the embodiment of the "???" Meme.

Students around you were confused on how this was a means of communication but went with it.

However there was the added challenge of the fucking passwords on the doors.

They had to basically assign a kid to always be with you so you could get back in to the common room.

Any guesses to who the kid was? If you said Draco then congratulations, buy yourself something pretty.

Draco was always with you and if he was for some reason unavailable, Snape actually would help out.

To everyone's surprise, Snape actually didn't hate your guts

He seemed to almost enjoy your presence and he knew sign language as well so if you needed something he understood.

Course, this gave Harry Potter the wrong idea about you at first.

He didn't get the memo apparently that you were deaf and he was alarmed that you got along with both Draco and Snape.

He watched your every move like a fucking hawk.

And then he saw Draco use sign language and uhm.

He felt fucking dumb.

Harry actually went off and learned it on his own time

Draco was sitting in the library and Harry asked if he could sit with you two.

In sign language.

This shocked both of you because Draco thought he was the only kid who could do that

You nodded and Harry told you he was trying to learn

So Draco and you became somewhat of a teacher for Harry

Hermione, to everyone's surprise, already knew sign language.

She has a deaf Aunt apparently.

Ron learned it too and suddenly all of the Weasley's were interested in learning.

Draco was excited to see you have a friend group.

Like yes: he loved being your friend. But he wanted the best for you and he wanted to see you interact with other people too.

Fred and George would never prank you because that's just a dick move, but my God did they go to you for advice and alibis.

You didn't mind it either

When you were all able to go to Hogsmeade, Harry wanted you to meet his Uncles

You were down but also worried that they wouldn't know sign language

But apparently Harry had wrote to them like "Hey uhm guys, I met someone cool but they're deaf, can you learn sign language"

James already knew how to do it because Sirius's go to excuse was "You're deaf and I'm blind" when he did something... Not so legal

Sirius learned it from Remus

Remus learned it before becoming a substitute for Quirrell just in case

Lily learned it because she wanted to know

Peter also learned it from Remus

When a group of adults other than the Malfoys and your parents started talking to you in sign language you actually cried

Draco was panicked and they were all worried until you signed "No one except Draco has cared this much before"

From that point on you were to BE PROTECTED BY YOUR NEW ADOPTED FATHER JAMES

James is literally "I just met Y/n five minutes ago but if something happened to her I'd kill everyone in the room and then myself"

You loved hanging out with these adults and when they invited you for Christmas your literal response was "Only if Draco comes with"

So there you were at the Potter house, Draco next to you the whole time

He loved seeing you happy oh my God

He'd see your smile and it'd make his whole week.

You'd go to bed and sometimes Draco would stay up downstairs and read

Sirius talked to him one night though

"So. How long have you loved her?" Sirius asked.

Draco looked up from his book.

"...What?" He asked.

"How long have you loved Y/n?" Sirius asked.

"How did... You know?" Draco asked.

"Because James looks at Lily the same way you look at Y/n." Sirius told him.

So Draco vented a little bit and Sirius basically told him "Draco. Boy. Just GO FOR IT."

When you all went back to school you had your first wonderful experience with bullies

They tried to fuck with you

Bad choice.

Terrible choice really.

Ron nearly killed them, along with Draco

Fred and George pranked them later with some... Explosives?

Harry jinxed them

Hermione just did the normal thing and REPORTED THEM.

You almost felt bad for those two guys.

You felt glad though that you had this group of people who would go to the moon and back for you

Your parents suddenly had a very crowded house during the summer

But they didn't mind because they all made you happy.

Draco and you would take these walks in the garden though.

It'd just be you and him.

The whole group kind of shipped it and wanted you two to have some alone time.

Draco would talk to you and you'd smile and laugh at some of the things he'd say.

He seemed very happy with you.

Draco would have small moments with you where you'd be cold and he'd lend you his jacket or keep an arm around you.

Fred and George became DETERMINED to get you two together

When the Triwizard tournament happened Draco signed up as a "Meh. Why not"

And got selected...

He was wanting to die internally the whole time he was with the other champions

He was so used to being around you that he would sign when he spoke verbally.

Viktor and Fleur were very confused until they met you.

One day they strolled over to say good luck and there you were, signing.

Then it made sense like "OOOHH HIS GIRLFRIEND IS DEAF"

And the group had to correct them "No no, just friends... For now" "Wait what--" "Shhh Draco, look at the pretty girl"

Then came the first trial with a dragon.

That's the first time the group had heard Draco scream... Like a little girl.

You were on the edge of your seat, very worried though

When he managed to get the egg you were relieved.

He ran into the tent and literally collapsed.

The boy was COVERED in soot and dirt but you didn't care.

You hugged him and he was panting because he just ran a God damn marathon running from the dragon.

But you looked at him and he looked at you and... Well you kissed

Rita Skeeter ate it up and published an article and Draco nearly killed the woman.

She made it sound like he was with you because you were deaf and he pitied you

Like no. That shit does not fly with Draco

Guess what: his father did hear about that

Lucius LAID INTO THAT WOMAN HOLY FUCK

You didn't care though, you now had Draco

He'd always be showing you some sort of affection, playing with your hair while he read, sleeping in the common room with you on his chest

Because you couldn't speak, he would write you little poems and you loved them.

Fun fact: Draco is actually really good at putting up hair.

Whenever you needed to have your hair up for something Draco was the one that did it.

He always had scrunchies on hand and if he noticed your hair bothering you in class, he literally does not care who's watching he'd pull it back and just do it then and there.

Well one day Mcgonagall walked up to you while you were with Fred and George and asked for your assistance

She basically told you that you were needed for Draco's challenge

And so Draco was very confused when you weren't there.

"Where's Y/n?" He asked.

"Mcgonagall said she needed her for something, we haven't seen her since." George answered.

Draco's heart DROPPED.

The second that that shot went off he had no hesitation jumping in.

He was the first one out of the water with you.

He was PISSED that they would do that to a student they knew was deaf

You assured him though you knew what you were getting into when you agreed to help them though and he calmed down a little.

Draco did not let you go though, he kept a arm around you the entire time he was out of the water.

He was scattering kisses across your face apologizing over and over again and you kept signing "Draco I'm okay"

Then Fleur came up empty handed and you were looking at the lake like "DRACO. BABE. DO SOMETHING. PLEASE."

And because Draco would literally go to hell and back for you he jumped right back in.

He came back up with the kid and you were so happy that he did that and almost tackled him right back into the water.

He was smiling and holding you close.

Warming up in the Slytherin common room with cocoa and talking to the group

Slytherins watching you all like "Gryffindors aren't supposed to be in here--" and then all of you plotting their deaths in your heads.

Slytherin just becoming used to them being there.

Try saying no to you. Like truly. Do you want to be that asshole?

Draco asking you to the Yule during the dance course

You nodding enthusiastically and making him laugh before pressing a kiss to your forehead.

Him seeing you and nearly dropping to the ground.

Him enthusiastically signing "YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL"

Your smile not leaving you the entire night

Draco signing "I love you" for the first time

You signing "I love you" back.

Draco going into his last trial and literally screaming like a little girl when that maze seemed to reach out and almost grab him.

Draco running and somehow finding the cup and winning.

You kissed him of course because CELEBRATION BIATCH

Slytherin celebrating but you and Draco slipping away and celebrating with the group instead.

Draco giving the money to Fred and George because he literally does not need more money.

Now that a bigger group knew sign language you were able to take other classes that wasn't limited to what Draco could do

Most of your classes were still with him though but you did enjoy herbology

You were literally the only student who didn't need ear muffs during the Mandrake lesson.

You actually loved herbology

You met your friend Neville there.

And then you met Luna

Both of which already knew sign language.

They were your buddies and you loved being around them

Your final year was approaching and you were taking an extra class but no one knew what for

You wouldn't tell the group, all they knew is that Dumbledore and Mcgonagall were both in on this.

Then there was one morning where the group was eating breakfast.

"Hi." You yawned and everyone didn't think anything of it until they realized.

You just spoke. Like... Verbally.

Everyone lost their shit and found out your were doing speech therapy.

You were a little insecure about your voice but Draco thought it was ADORABLE.

Your last year approached and while you rarely spoke it was still nice to see that you were doing things outside your comfort zone.

So graduation happened and Draco was talking about the future and something very unexpected happened.

You were watching this boy sign enthusiastically about how he loved you to James and the marauders and you just..

"Draco will you marry me?" You asked.

Everyone looked at you surprised and Draco smiled.

He said yes of course and so you got married

You, Fred and George all worked together.

You made their potions and grew whatever herbs they needed

Draco became a healer (I am absolutely convinced he does this after graduation) and starts a push for more accessible options for possible deaf students at hogwarts

You guys have a kid, Scorpius who is fluent in sign language (he's not deaf though)

James is the babysitter. You don't even have to pay the man

Just call him "Hey James we need you to watch our kid"

And he'll show up like "My daughter has called me"

Fred and George love seeing you happy when you work at the shop

Draco will occasionally pop in for a visit during the summer and he'll help out too.

You may have had a couple of mandrake accidents.

You kind of forget that the plants make noise and when you move the baby plants it knocks people out.

But it's okay because you never forget with the adult mandrakes for some reason.

Neville and Luna some times help out with you and you all have fun

Neville always faints for some reason.

"Didn't I give him ear muffs?" "He just fainted." "Again?"

You love to just look at your family when they're over.

Draco, Scorpius, Harry, Ron, Hermione, Fred, George, James, Lily, Lucius, Narcissa, your mom, your dad, Luna, Neville, Molly, Arthur, Remus, Sirius, Peter... All of them... You loved the crap out of all of these idiots

Yes. They're idiots

But they're your idiots.

[boogiewrites]

Never Break the Chain Pt. 3

Part 3 of 5

Characters: Javier Peña x OFC

Summary:  Esme keeps her distance and Javier's obsession gets worse. She decides to let him find her and they're both faced with the hard questions they've been suppressing for decades.

Warnings/Tags: Reunited Lovers.  Angst. Yearning. Difficult adult conversations. Regret. Nostalgia. 

Click on my icon then go to my Mobile Masterlist in my bio for my other works and chapters. (Had to do this since Tumblr killed links, sorry.) Please like, comment and reblog if you enjoyed it! It helps out us writers A LOT!

Steve stood staring and ignored by a red-eyed and greasy Peña still hunched over a desk with boxes of old files piling up around him. The boxes obscured half of him, stacks that started on the desktop, now on the floor. His nose twitched from the dust and his eyes burned from lack of sleep.

“Did you ever leave?” Murphy moves a few boxes to sit on his desk that had been commandeered for Pena’s obsession.

As if snapping out of a trance, Javier looks up and around, seeing morning light again through the high windows in the cool-hued room that lacked any warmth in its sterile choice of furnishings. “Guess not.” he yawns and looks back down at the work he’s done.

“You look like shit, man.”

“Thanks.” he gruffs out and stretches, a noise that half groan and half yawn escapes him.

“Did you at least find anything?”

“Plenty.” he pauses and rubs his face. “Unfortunately.” he pushes a legal pad full of scribbled notes with dates.

“These...all her?”

“I think so.”

“Damn Javi, you sure can pick ‘em.” he grins at the expense of his partner.

“She always said she was gonna be rich.”

“The Lucchia Heist?” Steve snorts in amusement.

“Potentially. She’s…” he lets out a slightly crazed but hushed laugh. “She’s fuckin’ good.” he covers his face before resting his head on his palm, supported by the desk. “I’d bet my badge she’s framed more people than I’ve even had time to find. Had a million aliases. Been everywhere from Corpus Christi to Lima. I’ve traced her down the continent.”

“And she landed right in your backyard.” Steve tosses the roughed-up papers, months of research, back in front of him. “You’re not a man who believes in fate are ya Javi?” he smirks.

“She said she didn’t know I was here.” a mumbled response as he begins putting away his research.

“And you believe her?”

He focuses on removing the evidence of his fascination, putting it away in a drawer that’s near full and dedicated to her. He stops and pauses, a thoughtful expression before answering, “I might be another sucker in the long list she’s got but... yeah, I do.”

-----

With the aged bulbs in the generic hotel room, the woman with him was easy to push out of his mind. He outstretched his arm as she pulled on her panties with a jump.

“Who is Esme?” she asks softly, attempting to make a connection with a man she felt she almost knew with as many times as they’d been together.

He didn’t look her way and motioned the hand with the money in it again.

“You’ve had your nights before but… the past few months you’ve... and now tonight? Should I be worried?”

“No,” he states with a bite. It wasn’t directed at her but himself. He tossed the money onto the bed and moved to light a cigarette. “You shouldn’t be no matter how I act.”

She holds in a sigh, a grimace on her face as she pockets the money and dresses. “Are you su-”

“What do you want to hear?” he turns his head sharply her way, brow low, but not aggressive enough to make her fear him.

She knew men, and she knew his problem was a woman, not the job like it usually was. Javier didn't get emotional over work when they were together. He would be rougher sometimes, softer others... but a disconnect was far from the usual. He was a client she was glad to hear from. He treated her with respect, he looked her in her eyes and handled her as if he cared about how she felt while they fucked. It was rare but entirely welcome. She curses herself silently for caring. He was right.

“I’m sorry,” she answers curtly. “You’re right.” she nods and gathers her things. “I’ll go.”

“It’s not you-” he begins with his head down before she passes him at the foot of the bed.

“I know. It’s not my business. It’s... I know women. It's hard to believe you would have trouble with one.” she lets out a smile to break the tension and his face doesn’t tell her if she succeeded or not. “You know where to find me.” she says kindly, something he felt he didn’t entirely deserve at the moment. He could hear her heels patting down the hallway outside when she left, fading until she was down the elevator and gone.

He gives his forehead a hard rub, nails scratching into his scalp before taking a long drag. “Fuck.” he exhales loudly to an empty room. He couldn’t get her out of his head.

-------------------------

The heat was something he had grown up with, he never found that part of Colombian weather to be difficult. But the humidity, that was a different experience. He quickly lost any self-consciousness about the sweat showing through his shirts, everyone else's looked the same. Propped against a stucco wall that was radiating the sun's warmth into his back, he partook in his condensation-covered beer bottle and his favorite public activity, people watching. It was an art form for him, once an amusing pastime that he made a living off now. There was no short of things to look for, the Festival of Flowers was in full swing and everyone was crowded into the streets. It was loud, a bit chaotic, and exactly the sort of crowd he felt comfortable observing.

The Discoteca a few streets down was powerful, sending music out over the radios in stalls and stores dotted along the streets surrounding it. It wasn’t entirely unpleasant but that didn’t stop Javier from having an annoyed expression. Songs from his past would play casually, feeling anything but in his head. He knocked back the rest of his drink and promptly got another every time a memory was triggered.

It had been almost a year now since he’d seen Esme. From what he’d learned, he wasn’t surprised. She could keep playing the phoenix forever. She could’ve been across the world by now and he was powerless to pursue her. Of all the possibilities, he still held onto the statistical probability that she was still around. She had good connections here, it made sense for her to stay. This unignorable fact led his obsession to be indulged by his profession, his paranoia fueled by his keen observational skills. A handful of times he would’ve bet he'd seen her. Sometimes he could follow, others he couldn't. Either way, he ended up at a brothel and with a woman who may look like her but wasn’t. The boisterous festival crowds would be a perfect place for her to be anonymous, the plumes of flowers were cover to disappear in plain sight. He wouldn’t admit to himself, but he was feeling hopeful. Or was it the alcohol?

Esme, with her head heavy from the large crown of flowers she wore, matching her brightly colored traditional dress skipped and hopped her way across the rooftops of the lively streets. She held the flowers to her head and jumped from pitch to pitch with her woven shoes. She knew this part of the city in light or dark. Not just for her safety but for means to get the drop on others. Her work with the cartel made sure she was knowledgeable in such things. But it also came in handy for a specific reason she’d been indulging in for almost a year now.

He was moping around his usual watering hole for this part of town. She sat with her head on her hands, between two flower pots, watching Javier from the safety of the rooftop across the street. She’d seen him many times, mostly taking home girls, or spoiling them with nice hotels for the night. Since she now knew the Pena she’d heard of was HER Pena, she asked the local sex workers about him and she wasn’t let down with the gossip they shared. She found out he’d been looking for her, not that any of them knew she was this infamous woman the playboy was hung up on. After a polite offer of employment, she dipped out and felt an odd satisfaction in what he’d become. It wasn’t ideal by any means but he was a good man. That was more than she would’ve guessed he’d become with the company he kept.

Each song from their past hit their ears at the same time, both suppressing a sigh as it floated down the streets, imagining a simpler time with one another. She’d missed him. Just as he had, she’d tried to drink and fuck the pain away for a bit but it didn’t work as well for her. She was left feeling nostalgic and downright amorous about him, seeing him lean, strong, and handsome against that wall. Sweat beading down his neck like it did on the bottle he held. She wanted to pop those buttons right off his shirt and- she knew it wasn’t smart to indulge in such fantasies. But he was the only man left that she even cared to think about when he wasn’t directly in her line of sight. She wanted to see him again. Was she willing to throw away months of laying low for a rendezvous? The summer sun made her feel young, the songs pumping blood to places, like her heart, it didn’t normally flow anymore. It made her feel young again. And at this point, it was a welcome and sought-after feeling.

——

A group of dancing girls covered in flowers with wide sweeping skirts made their way down the street. They wore smiles and the brightest of colors, dancing with each other and passersby as carts of flowers were pushed around them. Esme had been in South America long enough to know how to blend in. It was easy considering she didn’t look like a gringo. Her Latin heritage assured a degree of anonymity and mixing in, adding in the factor of whirling skirts and a blur of color from flowers she melded right in. Her chameleon skills were enviable but Javier’s observation skills were better.

Of course, he’d look at the group of beautiful women flouncing towards him. He seldom passed a woman he didn’t take a second glance at. As he glanced over their faces, to see if any had been friendly to him previously, the set of emerald green eyes grabbed him as they sat deep-set in a heart-shaped face he used to know intimately. Like a dog with a scent caught in his nose, he perks up, bottle discarded as he takes a step towards the street. She separates herself, a clear view of each other for a moment before a smile as bright as the sun beating down on them meets his gobsmacked expression. For only a moment there’s an unbroken line of sight and he instinctively pursues. With a bite of her lip that was a mix of flirtation excitement and a challenge, she spins on her heel and runs to an alleyway. He was fast on his feet behind.

This was where she felt at home, fast and light on her feet through small spaces and over walls. She desired to test Javi, combined with her caring about anyone seeing them, luring him to a safe space. She could hear his grunts and calls of her name like it was a swear as she’d climb and hop drain pipes and fences. All he could hear was the occasional heavy breath and giggle coming from her. They moved away from the busy streets, up higher over every sketchy rooftop, and eventually came to climb onto a secluded and blocked-off rooftop together.

“You've still got it Javi.” she laughs breathlessly, hands on her knees from the far side of the roof he’s slid onto.” her face beams his way, a sheen of sweat catching in the sun as she fluffs back her hair.

“I never lost it,” he grunts, dusting off his jeans. “Can’t afford to.” he pauses and regains his cocky posture.

“You look good.” she offers as a compliment, both closing the space between them to face off.

He takes his time, looking her up and down, unsure of her motives, yet she'd always had that wild streak. He used to love that about her. Now it made it hard to read. “So do you.” he presents in response to her out-of-place compliment.

“It's nice to finally see you up close.” her face is relaxed, too relaxed in his opinion. She touches his chest, hands light on his collar and moving up to tuck back the messed pieces of dark hair from his sideburns.

“That mean you’ve seen me from afar?” he stands stoically still, letting her touch him, not ready to reciprocate.

“Possibly,” she smirks, eyes trailing over his now-adult facial features. His brow had hardened, his jaw rounder but still sharp. Her favorite part, his nose was now proportionate and he was even more attractive up close. She lets a small sigh slip, dedicating his handsome face to memory. “Couldn’t let you pick up on my location could I?”

“Is that why you knocked me out?”

She lets out a chuckle and pats his chest. “That was… an unfortunate mistake on your behalf and a fortunate one for me. I have laced lipstick I wear during jobs. Easy to kiss a man and get away. Less messy than shooting. And far quieter.”

“Poison lipstick…” he nods thoughtfully.

“I’ve spent years perfecting it, dosing myself with tiny amounts to have immunity. Took a note from the Renaissance covert killers.” she smiles proudly. “I’m very proud of it.”

“You should be,” he admits begrudgingly. “I’ve looked up your work. It’s… impressive.”

“That means a lot coming from you. Your career has been notable as well.”

“Looks like we both got what we wanted, huh?” The response was bleeding with sarcasm.

She bites her lip, her shoulders slumping just enough for him to notice. “It is what we said we wanted.” her voice was softer now, less playful and confident as he sees the lump in her throat bob up and down. He lets her sit with her words for a moment, seeing a passing sadness behind her eyes. They seemed even brighter green than he remembered. But memories aren’t always honest.

“Where have you been?” a demand, not much of a sweet inquiry.

“If you’ve looked at my records then you know already. “

“This past year. Where have you been?"

“In Colombia.” She gives a subtle shrug.

“So I don’t get an answer?”

“You want the longitude and latitude? I can’t give you exact locations so you can know where to find people.” She frowns.

“You think I give a shit about that?” His brow furrowed and his head tilts. She’s caught off guard by his defensiveness. “The shit I deal with… a couple of stones means nothing. I want to know about you. That’s why I asked where you had been. Not who you’d been with.”

She felt scolded. It wasn’t something she was used to. Still, he was the only man who could pull it off. “I have a place in the mountains I stay at on occasion. I float around and do jobs. There’s no specific place.”

“You have a place here and you couldn’t come find me?” He sounded almost hurt.

“I can’t have anyone know we know each other. They’d kill me. Kill you.” She knew he was accusing her of not caring. Which couldn’t be farther from the truth. “I didn’t want you getting hurt.” She finally averts her eyes, a vaguely familiar ache in her chest growing.

He lets out a harsh laugh. “Should’ve thought about that twenty years ago when I thought you were dead.” He spits out. He sees the hurt in her eyes and he takes a moment to move her hands from him, and take a ragged breath. “You’ve been SO close this whole time. And I didn’t know…” he clenches his jaw and looks away to the horizon. Readjusting his posture he swings his head back her way and flares over her, an accusing finger in her face. “I can’t take this... you running around and not knowing SHIT about it.”

With sad eyes but a firm expression she swallows. “You used to get possessive like this. I remember… I’d-” Her voice is breathy and her hand moves to remove his from her face, a gentle hold that he answers harshly.

Grabbing her wrist, her eyes widen as he stares her down. “Don’t fucking tease me, Esme.”

Her brow furrowed quickly as she tries to tug away.

“I could take you in right now you know. For so many reasons.”

“You wouldn’t though.”

“Would I not?”

She stares with wide eyes that would’ve made him drop to his knees and beg her forgiveness when he was young. His worst fear was to hurt her back then. Now it was her getting hurt from her own actions.

“You have no idea the hell you put me through, do you? All this time not knowing for sure. And you’ve raised from the dead and think you can fuck with a man's head like this?” She could feel the bite of his words as he spoke quietly to her, letting her wrist go after he made his point. “Do you even give a shit or is this another game you’re running? Are you conning me too? Is there some guy who’s fallen for this shit somewhere with a gun on me right now?”

“How could you say that? I’d never.” She holds back a stutter in her throat. She felt something she hadn’t in a very long time, the sting of tears in her eyes. He regretted his outburst as soon as he saw it. He just had so many years of anger and hurt built up it was hard not to explode.

“Did you miss me at all?” His voice a whisper now, eyes wider and opening up like he was trying to.

It broke her to see him like this now. This stoic figure was just a shell covering that young man she left. She didn’t know it would hold onto him this long, that he did love her that much. “If you saw the wear on my rosary you'd have your answer. I prayed you to be safe. For you to get what you wanted.” She clears her throat and tries not to break.

“All I ever wanted was you.” A clear and plain statement. It was a fact.

“I had to make my own life.” She said it as an excuse and she hated the way it sounded coming from her. It made her feel weak. “You wanted yours.”

“We were kids. We didn’t know what the fuck we wanted.” He huffs out a strangled laugh.

She takes a deep breath and her time in answering. “We were. We didn’t.”

It was an admission of guilt on both their behalfs. They got what they said they wanted but was it really what made them happy? They’d been chasing a fix to fill a void of their own making. And now on the other side, the ugly truth of their dreams stares them and their unhappiness down every day.

“I’m sorry.” She adds and lowers her head. “I felt trapped and I knew you’d… do exactly what you are right now if you thought I was out there.”

“You were right.” He sighs and reaches to lift her chin revealing tears falling down her cheeks. He cups her face and wipes them away with his thumbs.

“I shouldn’t have reached out to you again.” She shakes her head.

“No...no, you should have.” He sighs heavily and pulls her into his chest, something she didn’t expect. “I’m sorry too.” He remarks into her hair, closing his eyes and feeling her in his arms. “I’m just…” he trails off. What could he say? I’m lost, I’m tired, unhappy, empty, angry? There wasn’t enough time to explain how he felt about this... about her. “I’m sorry too. I’m glad you let me find you. Okay?” He leans her head back to look up at him.

“I didn’t know you were here. In Colombia. I came here for work.”

“So did I.” He looks away purses his lips. “You know you can’t work for those men.” He wipes away her tears again, his hand smoothing her black waves away from her face. “They’ll kill you, Esme. The second you do something wrong they won’t even blink.”

“Like talk to you?” She arches a brow and gives him a soft smile. “I know, Javi. I know the risks.”

“And you still did it?”

“I missed you.” she admits with a soft exhale.

He pulls her in again, tighter this time. A kiss to her hair as he strokes his hands over her. “You know you need to get going. It’s almost night they’ll be crawling all over soon.”

She nods but doesn’t pull away. “They can’t see us here. There are no lookouts. It’s why I brought us here.”

“You know this place that well?”

“I have to. I don’t have a choice.” It felt hopeless as it left her trembling lips and it reflected more regret as she let it escape. It sounded as tired as she felt. It was as if being in his arms made her aware of how exhausted she was. How worn and hollow she was.

He knew the sound of exhaustion well. He heard it when he would deflect questions from the women he would pay to distract him from the one in his arms. “I know, sweetheart. Believe me, I know.” When she didn’t pull away, he didn’t make her. It gave him the answers he needed. At least what he needed to make it through another day without her for a short while.

@jaegeeeeer​ @likedovesinthewnd​ @inkededucatednnerdy​  @biharryjames @ladamari68​ @past-romantic​ @weliketomoveit @shikin83​ 

[ahgaseda]

to kill an empire || chapter 25

⇥ synopsis : when you agreed to marry Jaebeom, the heir to a lucrative but not quite legal organization, you never expected the boy who was once your greatest rival would inevitably become your most powerful ally…

⇥ warnings : this story in its entirety includes but is not limited to strong language, recurring gang violence, mentions of drug or alcohol abuse, and explicit sexual content, and is intended for an adult audience only!

Jaebeom opened the double doors and leveled his eyes at the desk before the massive floor-to-ceiling windows. It was his now. His proverbial throne.

He brushed his fingertips over the oak, pivoting around the desk and slowly taking a seat.

It was uncomfortable. Jaebeom expected nothing less.

The damned chair was what he had been groomed to take for his entire life and yet it was the one thing in life he dreaded most.

He had spent countless hours thinking of what he would do when he became the head of Lim Corp. The company had been passed down from generation to generation. Always to the first born son.

Jaebeom frowned at that. His father had told him you would be expected to produce a male heir to follow the archaic tradition. Jaebeom never burdened you with that. And deep down, he never wanted to pass the cruel responsibility of this godforsaken company to any child you gave him.

Jaebeom thought about you then; thought about how he had to make things right. You deserved it. You deserved the world and Jaebeom would make sure you had it.

End it all, he mused to himself. With the days he spent tormenting his mind over what to do when he rose to power, Jaebeom decided a long time ago he would rid this world of Lim Corp. Especially when he learned just how far the blood flowed through its foundation.

Jaebeom could never come to terms with his anger when he saw the true face of his family’s company. Which was why he was sympathetic to your current grief of learning the same fate awaited you.

Belonging to luxury and excess came with a heavy price. Usually the cost of one’s soul.

Pulling the phone from his pocket, Jaebeom was about to unlock his screen just to catch a glimpse of you on his wallpaper. Maybe it would give him some fraction of comfort.

The door swung open loudly and Mark rushed inside, disrupting the silence.

Jaebeom frowned. “What now?”

His face was pale, grave. “We have a situation.”

By Mark’s tone alone, Jaebeom leapt to his feet.

You were shocked how quickly everyone sprung into action. The plaza was emptied. A crescent of law enforcement was poised before you. Now dozens of guns were aimed at your chest.

The man with his arm barred across your waist never spoke to you directly. In fact, since his demand for Jaebeom’s presence, he hadn’t spoken to anyone again.

And you hadn’t uttered a single word. The occasional cold bite of the metal barrel against your skull made you borderline catatonic.

Jaebeom thought he was having a heart attack. His blood was pumping so roughly he thought at any minute he would come unhinged at the seams. “Have they identified him? What does he want?”

Mark shook his head, weaving the SUV between cars. “They are running his picture through facial recognition. Nothing yet. If he had a criminal record, he would have popped up by now.”

“He wants you there,” Jinyoung chimed in. “Other than that, he’s made no demands.”

Jaebeom ran a hand down his face before slamming his fist against the car door. “Fuck,” he shouted.

Jinyoung shifted his gaze nervously between Mark in the rearview mirror and Jaebeom at his side, searching for what to say. Ultimately, he consoled, “He hasn’t hurt her. For the time being, he’s using her as a human shield. Police won’t fire.”

Mark added levelly, “Sniper is in place. The moment they have a clear shot, they will drop him.”

Nothing they said helped. Jaebeom gripped his head between his hands. This was his fault. He put you in this danger.

The SUV came to a stop and Jaebeom was out the back before Mark could put the gear in park. Racing to what looked like a police chief, Jaebeom snapped, “What the hell is going on here?”

The officer stood at attention, recognizing Jaebeom immediately, and explained, “Sir, he’s specifically asking for you. He won’t speak to the hostage negotiator.”

“Then, put me in a vest and let me out there.”

Jinyoung’s eyes widened. Mark had confirmed that was an option if all else failed.

The officer hesitated, but after a short pause, relented, “I can’t stop you.”

As one of the cops tightened the velcro of Jaebeom’s vest, Jinyoung could no longer bite his tongue and raced to his boss, speaking rapidly in hushed tones, “This is insane. They don’t make bulletproof helmets.”

“She’s in this because of me,” Jaebeom replied shortly.

“And so you both have to die now? Is that the plan?”

Jaebeom snorted, running out of patience. “No one is going to die, Jinyoung,” he murmured, almost in chiding.

But Jinyoung could hear the tremor in his voice.

Jaebeom gave his most trusted and loyal companion a nod in farewell, then let the officers lead him.

His only thought was you. He couldn’t see or think past his concern for you. His survival was of no consequence while you were in danger.

The negotiator led him through with a hand on his shoulder, explaining things Jaebeom could try to do to diffuse the situation. And if that didn’t work, he needed to engage this man to drop his guard and give the snipers a clear shot.

Jaebeom didn’t think he was capable of the anger currently pulsing through his veins. There stood a stranger, a man he had never seen before in his life, ready to take you away from him forever.

“Jaebeom…,” you whimpered, legs almost folding with relief at the mere sight of him.

The man tightened his grasp around you, hoisting you back into position. You were the only thing between him and a bullet.

Jaebeom set his jaw. His first instinct was to charge forward and beat the man with his bare hands until nothing remained of him. The gun braced against your head felled that idea.

“Tell me what I can do for you,” said Jaebeom, stifling his rage and holding his hands up at his sides in surrender.

The man held no emotion. He spoke coldly, “I have a message for you.”

Jaebeom deadpanned, “I’m all ears.”

The man waved the gun a little, almost in taunting. “Who lives and who dies?”

Jaebeom set his jaw. “Let her go and you can have me.”

“The second I let her go, that sniper is gonna pop me.”

“That’s out of my control.”

The man looked around, as if considering his options. Then, he jeered, “You made the wrong move, Jaebeom. You should have known he wouldn’t go down without a fight.”

Jaebeom narrowed his eyes, a realization washing over him. With a nod, he proceeded to unfasten the velcro at his sides.

“Jaebeom, what are you…” you spoke frantically.

The man clamped his hand over your mouth.

Jaebeom loosened the last of the straps and called to the winds, “Once and for all. Let’s settle this now.”

You finally struggled, adrenaline kicking in. “Bummie, please,” you cried to him, alarms ringing in your head that the love of your life was in mortal danger.

Jaebeom stripped off the bulletproof jacket, which fell to a little pile by his feet.

“Jaebeom,” Jinyoung shouted from behind the line of officers.

The barrel of the gun was promptly pressed to the back of your head. Your eyes met with Jaebeom’s. There was a chance this was the last time you would ever see him again.

You knew you were about to die. At any moment, the lights were going to go out forever. “I’m sorry,” you called to him.

“I love you,” Jaebeom whispered, for your ears only.

Tears rolled down your cheeks.

A gunshot echoed through the air and your world came to a violent, screeching halt.

chapter 24 ⇤ chapter 25 ⇥ chapter 26

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{ copyright 2018-2020 © ahgaseda // all rights reserved }

[threadsketchier]

So I saw the prequels prior to the Originals and it always bothered me how Luke got dumped on a death planet of Tatooine considering the state of that environment and shot that when down in the previous films while Leia got a life of privilege. I was hoping Bail would argue against splitting the twins. I obviously knew why it had to go that route because it had to align and follow up with the Originals. I guess it came off that Luke wasn’t really wanted...?

I already wrote a ficlet somewhat addressing this misconception.

Also, frankly, I’m getting kind of tired of rehashing the same issue - why do people keep assuming that the Larses don’t matter and don’t have a right to be in Luke’s life just because they live on Space Australia?  Why do their feelings not count just because they’re low-to-middle-class moisture farmers who don’t live in a palace on Space Switzerland-Utopia?  Why the fuck do people assume that Luke wasn’t wanted just because the Organas have a personal preference that was obviously previously established before shit hit the fans and they wanted a daughter and Bail, as a senator and Viceroy - essentially co-leader of his planet - is a fucking rational guy who understands the necessity of making hard decisions dictated by logic over emotions?

The twins weren’t just “split up because that’s how the movies have to go,” it does make internal sense within the narrative that it was safer to hide them in vastly separate locations to prevent both of them from being discovered at the same time and thus lost together, or for their latent Force bond to make them a psychic target if they grew up together and established it, acting like a beacon for Vader and Palpatine and any minions of theirs.  It sucks, it’s painful, it has awkward consequences for them later on when Leia’s a bit too loose with her lips, but that’s why these movies have a tragic backstory.  It has to suck real hard before it gets better.

Does it seem crazy that Leia wound up raised in such a screamingly obvious position as daughter of a then-Imperial Senator and princess of a highly prominent Core world being trained to follow in her biological mother’s footsteps and become a senator herself, thus occupying a very exposed role in the Empire, right under the Emperor’s and Vader’s noses?  Yeah.  But also remember that the Superman/Clark Kent illusion can actually work in real life.  Assumption is a powerful thing.  Your average Joe Citizen would assume that someone as otherworldly as Superman, an alien with the ability to fly, strength to bench-press skyscrapers and jumbo jets, heat vision, and other amazing things, would never stoop to living as a normal, humble, inconvenienced human being.  It’s not merely the hiding behind a pair of glasses and hunching over a little with a nerdy tone and habits - it’s the entire idea that a Clark Kent could even exist in the same person of Superman.  They don’t understand that he was raised as a human and actually desires this life, and doesn’t feel the need to lock himself away permanently in his dope Fortress of Solitude and never interact with the very people he wants to save and protect.

Vader was lied to by Palpatine about the nature of Padmé’s death, but there was no disputing that she actually died.  In his crushing despair, Vader accepted with heaps of self-flagellation that his child was dead.  He didn’t even know he had two children.  In his mind, whenever he saw Leia - surely they were in each other’s circles at least at a distance before Rogue One and ANH - even if she reminded him of Padmé six ways from Sunday, he would not assume she was his daughter, because as far as he was concerned his child was dead.  The OT establishes that latent Force-sensitivity also does not automatically make two related Force-sensitives consciously aware of each other until they mutually know one another as being related and Force-sensitive, so not even torturing Leia revealed this to him.

But I’m going off on a tangent.  Let’s break this down:

Tatooine is nothing but a source of anguish for Anakin and his personal loathing for the place made it ideal as a hiding place.  And no, I’m not just haha joking about sand.  He was a slave there and buried his mother there after slaughtering an entire village of natives he knew in his heart that he shouldn’t have.  It holds nothing but misery and failure for him.

Yes, Tatooine is abso-fucking-lutely a galactic cesspit.  It’s ruled by the most vile mob boss in the galaxy, is rife with nasty wildlife that’s out to kill you, and is haunted by the troubles brought about by strife between colonizers and the native population.  It is indisputably a dangerous place.  But it wasn’t Tatooine that killed the Larses.  It was the Empire.  Just because they look like Soft Folks™ doesn’t mean they were - Owen and Beru knew how to take care of themselves, and they certainly knew how to take care of a child in this environment.  They survived to middle age just fine, and would’ve kept going if it wasn’t for those fucking stormtroopers.  Just because they didn’t live a life of luxury also doesn’t mean they were dirt poor either.  When we meet Luke in ANH, he’s a healthy young lad who still has the privilege to fuck off with his buddies around his farm duties.  Life may be tough but it’s not squalor and deprivation for him.

But honestly, even if they WERE dirt poor, they’re still Luke’s family, and they very obviously loved him.  I almost feel like I shouldn’t have to restate it, but I will: Owen and Beru loved Shmi, and upon hearing that Anakin died and left behind a baby son, why wouldn’t they be moved and compelled to take Luke in, and why wouldn’t they deserve to have the chance to raise him in their memory?  Even though they’d be sad that Luke was orphaned, they might even see this as a blessing to be able to raise Shmi’s grandson and Anakin’s son.

As much as he bitched about chores as a teenager, Luke learned damn valuable skills growing up on a Tatooine moisture farm that, coupled with the Force, saved everybody’s asses at the Battle of Yavin, and went on to make him an ideal squadron leader.  Wealth and privilege are not always the best foundation, or at least certainly not the automatic one, for a person to learn good character either.

The Organas are human too.  Faced with a difficult choice, they decided to take this poignant opportunity to fulfill a dream they’d been deferring for some time.  Sometimes parents wish for a specific child, and that’s their prerogative (except IRL they don’t actually get to pick, they get whatever kid they gestate).  If they’d taken Luke and let Obi-Wan take Leia, we’d be having the same argument about Leia growing up on Tatooine.  There was no inequality in this decision.  Bail and Breha wanted a daughter, there was a daughter present among the twins, so they chose her.  This does not mean they valued Luke any less.  Since the twins couldn’t be raised together for their own safety, it might as well have come down to a coin toss.  Bail isn’t evil for exercising a shred of his personal emotions and desires in a situation where he otherwise knew he’d have to restrain himself.  Also, he’d be smart enough to respect the fact that both children had actual family elsewhere in the galaxy and wouldn’t think any less of the Larses just because they live on Tatooine.  The only way his decision would be careless or heinous was if he knew Luke was being taken to people who were abusive or so destitute they couldn’t even care for themselves, much less a third person, and he did nothing about it - but we know this is not that situation.

How do you feel about non-wealthy people living in harsh places here on Earth raising their children?  Would you expect all the rich people in the world to go take those children away from them and adopt them just so they could grow up “privileged” instead?  Think about how that sounds for a moment or two.

Honestly, if Bail had tried to argue about taking both twins because he felt taking Luke to his legal family on Tatooine was “cruel” or “neglectful” because of the planet’s “risky environment and poverty,” I’d hope either Obi-Wan or Yoda would have enough sense to smack him upside the head for being so thoughtless as to insult these people for being seemingly beneath him.

There is more to life than money and power/prestige, and Leia’s upbringing wasn’t all it was cracked up to be.  She was no pampered, air-headed royal spending her days sitting idle being hand-fed space grapes while her “poor” brother ate sand cookies.  She had to undergo intensive academic, political, and physical training from young childhood in order to prepare her to become a covert Rebel agent while she was still a teenager, as if being a child senator wasn’t already stressful and demanding enough.  Sure, she never lacked for anything, but that is an incredible amount of responsibility to saddle on someone who wasn’t even an adult yet (like her bio mother).  Luke was blessed with far more freedom and peace in his childhood than his sister.  And him living on Tatooine with his father’s surname wasn’t nearly as dangerous as Leia existing within the heart of the Empire while actively engaging in Rebel activities that could have cost her her life, even without getting into the whole “daughter of Anakin Skywalker” business.

Also, just because we joke about Tatooine being Space Australia doesn’t mean every single day of Luke’s childhood was THAT eventful.  It was more likely 80% dull farm life and 20% mayhem, and that 20% would be mostly Luke’s fault for being a crazy nut like his parents and getting himself into trouble he could have avoided in most cases.  In other words, growing up there might not have been nearly as “deadly” as we make it out to be.

[repost-this-image]

“Canon” does not mean “moral:” A reminder to the FanPol

Okay, so I have a lot of feelings about the whole SessRin thing, so I’m going to post about it.

The first thing I want to point out:  Fiction set in another time period may depict things that we know today to be immoral, but which people at that time and place did not.  I am mentioning this up-front, because eventually some of the younger folks are gonna have to learn about Uncle Tom’s Cabin and Huckleberry Finn, and unless you keep this idea in mind, y’all are gonna have a really Bad Time in high school.

(More under the cut, to save your dash)

So in this post, I’m going to discuss several aspects of SessRin, and this also means I have to get one thing out of the way:

I DO NOT SUPPORT THIS SHIP.

I have grudgingly accepted that it is canon, but that doesn’t mean I have to like that it is canon, nor that I am totally okay with the way it is handled. (I am not.)  I am mentioning this, because I know that the Fandom Police are going to misconstrue this post as me being super into all sorts of Nasty Shit, and I am not.  (Also, some of that Nasty Shit isn’t even relevant to the SessRin ship in particular, but some folks don’t let petty things like facts get in the way of a personal vendetta.)

So let’s look at the several things wrong with SessRin, and why it happened anyway:

1.  Mayfly-December Romance:  Sesshoumaru is well over a century old (it’s implied he reached maturity before his and InuYasha’s father died), and Rin is a mortal human being.

Given that Sesshoumaru still views his wife as beneath him, it’s possible that he simply chose Rin because, as a human, she is less-powerful than he is and will thus be more inclined to submit to his will.  (Yes, this is abusive.  Buckle up; it’s not getting better.)

2.  Wife Husbandry:  Sesshoumaru is a sort of father-figure to Rin in the InuYasha series.  Sooooo creepy.

Yes, it is creepy.  It is not incest (as I’ve seen argued about people who are “like a father/brother/sister/whatever”) because they are not related, but it is still creepy.  (Yes, this aspect of the relationship is creepy for non-incest reasons!  A relationship doesn’t have to be incestuous or pedophilic to be shady AF!!)

BUT.  Also remember that Rumiko Takahashi has drawn from a lot of Japanese literature and folklore for InuYasha and YashaHime.  As gross as it is, the very first novel, The Tale of Hikaru Genji, has the titular character foster a young girl in order to ensure that she grows up into the Perfect Wife.  This practice, while super-shady, would have been considered normal in ancient Japanese culture.  Even Victorian novels often have the “foster sibling/child that you fall in love with later when they’re an adult,” and due to shifting cultural mores, they did not consider it at all weird or creepy.

It is okay for us to consider it weird or creepy, AND ALSO acknowledge that people in the culture depicted would not have considered it weird and creepy.

3.  Teen Mother, Adult Father:  This.  This right here is the reason I am squicked by SessRin, because I have Done The Math.   Hisui looks to be, at most, 3 or 4 in last week’s episode when Rin gives birth.  This makes her, at most, 16.  Relationships between adults and teenagers are based on an imbalance of societal power.  This makes them almost invariably abusive.

Is this less disgusting than Rin being 12?  Yes, but only because a 16-year-old is more likely to survive giving birth, and a 12-year-old isn’t at all.  Sesshoumaru does at least give the tiniest sliver of a rat’s ass, since he didn’t get Rin pregnant young enough that birth would rupture her pelvic organs, but that still doesn’t make this okay by modern standards.  We are right to be concerned for Rin here.  The differences in societal power and emotional maturity are the REASON why most people frown upon marriage to underage teens.  We recognize that teenagers are much more mature than, say, a 10-year-old, but that the difference between a 10-year-old and a 16-year-old is still Not Enough to make up for the big maturity gap between a 16-year-old and a 19-year-old.

(By the way, marriage at 15-17 is still legal in many US states.  Look up if yours is one of them, and call up your state legislature about getting that shit changed.  Also eliminate the parental-consent loophole, because a 12-year-old should not suffer just because her parents are okay sending her off to be molested by her new 30-year-old “husband.”)

But the sad fact is, while marrying a girl of 15 or 16 is beyond the pale nowadays, it was just barely within the realm of acceptable to feudal Japanese society.  Remember: this is a time period in which women weren’t supposed to have any real power, by design.  The inequitable nature of an adult-teen relationship was not all that different from the inequitable nature of a relationship between a man and an adult woman, because women were not allowed to have the same rights.  The obvious differences between a 15-year-old girl and an 18-year-old woman were simply Not Important to nobility in a lot of feudal societies, except that it meant that the younger person was more likely to submit and obey her husband/lord.

This is also why we have the sad situation in which Rin views her husband, not with the sort of regard with which Kagome and Sango view InuYasha and Miroku, but with the same childish hero-worship that we saw from her when she was an actual child.  She is too young to be emotionally mature yet.  This is why so many of us are angry about SessRin in the first damn place.

4.  It Glorifies The Relationship:  This one I think could go either way.  Remember, the idea of a girl in feudal Japan being considered marriageable at menarche was also mentioned in "Miroku’s Past Mistake.” In the manga version, when Shima says, “I’m 14 now!  We can be together,” Kagome’s immediate reaction is, “She’s even younger than me!”  It is clear that we, as the modern reader/viewer, are supposed to agree with Kagome that Shima is just too young to get married.

Meanwhile, let’s look at the kind of person Sesshoumaru is:

He doesn’t care about any human at all, except for Rin, and perhaps a bit for his now-sister-in-law Kagome.  He brutally murders humans throughout InuYasha with little provocation and no remorse.  He is not a good guy, even if he does consider InuYasha and his friends to be decent allies.

Sesshoumaru is still not a good person, y’all.  In S1E15 of YashaHime, he proves that he’s still not a good person by a) going over Rin’s head and taking their newborn twins from her with zero warning or concern about her consent, and b) “protecting’ InuYasha and Kagome by essentially banishing them to his father’s grave indefinitely.

So whether this depiction of SessRin is positive or negative depends largely on how you view Sesshoumaru.  Either way, his relationship with Rin was never “pure” in the first place.  He only protected Rin because he felt that she was different from other humans.  It’s not the kind of love that makes for a healthy relationship of any kind, be it parent-child, platonic, or romantic.  It’s the old, nasty “You’re not like other girls” line in a new guise.

5.  We Still Had Plausible Deniability Before S1E15:  No we didn’t.  This shit was telegraphed from the beginning of the series.  If it took the explicitly-stated fact that Rin had just given birth to Sesshoumaru’s babies for you to see this coming, then you are particularly unskilled at understanding subtext and foreshadowing and should probably work on that.

I came to terms with the unsavory fact that Rin was the mother of Sesshoumaru’s twins by episode 3.  I don’t like it; I especially don’t like the way it’s handled; it is still, however, a Fact that SessRin is canon now.  You can either accept the fact that YashaHime depicts an unhealthy relationship and cope with fanfiction like a normal person, or you can quit watching.  Either way,  nothing you or I do will change the fact that Rumiko Takahashi wrote the series the way she wrote it.

[onewfantaesy]

Crime Baby AU

“I’m not gonna be some drug runner!” Taemin shrieks, moving back, stumbling, and falling on his ass just before reaching the couch. Then he scrambles to pull himself up onto the couch and sit as gracefully and as dignified as possible when he has several people smirking st him and looking oh-so-amused at his outburst. Shit-heads.

“I’m not asking you to be a drug runner,” his father - Heechul, he’s learned his name is in the last six months they’ve gotten to know each other - says, an amused glint in his eyes. “All you’ve gotta do is take these packets to rehearsal one day, say how energetic they made you feel, and tell your manager-”

“Euisoo’s my manager,” Taemin interrupts him. He’s gotten much more comfortable around his newfound family, even if they do still scare the shit out of him. He’s realized they won’t put a bullet through his head for something as menial as interrupting their over-long monologues.

“A different manager,” his father clarifies, his eyes moving to glance at Euisoo, who’s standing behind the couch with a comforting hand on Taemin’s shoulder. “And you tell him how amazing they are. Say you think they’d help some others beat the fatigue. And the stuff will sell itself. It will give us an instant in inside the idol market.”

“You want me to drug my members?” Taemin asks, his voice cracking. “I don’t wanna do that!”

His father sighs, but looks like he expected this sort of pushback.

“Can you ever sit in on other practices?” Heechul asks.

“Sometimes,” Taemin mumbles. “Not usually.”

“What about backstage at recordings?” he asks, going to sit next to Taemin. To hold his hands. To smile at him. “You ever run into idols from other companies?”

“Yeah, all the time,” Taemin admits, not quite understanding. He won’t admit it, but the hand-holding is a teensy bit comforting. Less intimidating than everyone just staring at him.

“Then when you’re backstage one day, and you run into another idol, all you gotta do is say, ‘Hey, I got these cool energy boosters’ or something to that effect, and ‘do you wanna try one?’ Then you let them take a couple, he tries one, he lets his members try one, and then they start making their managers buy our product. Understand?”

Taemin is quiet for a moment, his eyes darting around the room, before he finally nods his head and mumbles, “I understand.”

But then his forehead crinkles and he looks at Heechul and asks, “You’re not gonna make me take it, are you?”

“Have my son take this crap? Not a chance,” Heechul says quickly.

Taemin thinks that says a lot. And he knows for damn sure he’s never going to let anyone in SHINee get their hands on it, never let his friends even so much as try it.

“Now here’s your first bag,” his father says, one of his men handing over a duffel bag. “And when they start coming back and asking you where you got it from, you know what to tell them, right?”

Taemin nods his head and answers, “The Suju online pharmacy.”

“Good boy.”

It’s his father’s company: Suju Pharmaceuticals. All completely legitimate with actual pharmacists and doctors and everything. Except it’s ridiculously easy to get a prescription for almost anything without ever seeing a doctor in person, it’s easy to say you’re a legal adult without actually being one, and it’s easy to find the items that are actually fronts for exteremely illegal drugs. Taemin has no clue how his father has never been caught by the police. He doesn’t really want to think about it.

So he leaves with Euisoo that night, the duffel bag coming with them, and the next day, he’s at Music Bank giving two, three, four samples to unsuspecting idols who think it’s just some sort of energy drink or vitamin supplement in capsule form.

“My friend at school gave it to me,” he tells a boy group member who’s name escapes him. “I think it says on the packet where it’s from. Suju-something.”

“Cool,” the boy - older than him actually, so maybe a man - says, eyeing the packet. “You just need two?”

“Uh-huh,” Taemin says, nodding. “Keeps you awake for like twelve hours or something. Which is cool ‘cause like I hate coffee. We had rehearsal all last night and I took it before class and I’ve been fine all day!”

“Thanks!” the man says, smiling. “If they work I’ll have to get my manager to buy us some. Hey, good luck performing!”

“Thank you! You too!”

And he’s power walking away as fast as he can to add this group to the list of who he’s given samples to. That’s the third group that night. He and Euisoo decided that was the limit per venue, otherwise it might start looking suspicious.

After two weeks, he’s out of samples and has a list that seems like a mile long. He and Euisoo go back to see his father, deliver the results, and are given a refill of samples.

“You wouldn’t believe the sales we had last weekend,” Heechul tells him, grinning. “Total spike. Well done.”

“Thank you,” Taemin mumbles, fidgeting and feeling entirely uncomfortable.

After a couple months, sales have completely skyrockets. Taemin has at least half the industry hooked on these things, but he’s managed to keep it entirely out of SM. That was the deal he ended up making with his father: if he got enough idols from other companies, he wouldn’t be persuaded to give them to his friends. And Taemin has practically an entire rival company buying them in bulk for each group, he thinks he’s done more than enough. Besides, he can tell their performances are getting sloppy. He doesn’t want that happening to people he works with, people he’s friends with.

“You’re rivaling your sister with how well you’re doing,” his father praises him, his hands on Taemin’s shoulders, a smirk on his face. “She was quite persuasive at your age as well. And look at her now - you could be just like her one day.”

His oldest sister is just one rank below their father in the company. She has a lot of power, a lot of influence, and she’s mildly terrifying. Taemin wants to be nothing like her when he grows up.

“You said I could stay an idol if I did what you said,” Taemin says, his voice soft, his eyes fixed on his shoes.

“Of course you can,” his father says, patting Taemin’s shoulders. “But one day, when you’re older and want to do something other than the idol life, I think you could have a bright future here. Who knows, you might even take over as my right hand.”

His sister doesn’t look happy about that, since that’s currently her role, but Taemin just nods his head. He doesn’t want to cause an argument. He doesn’t want to get in the way. He swallows the lump in his throat and lets out a shaky breath, his eyes moving to see Euisoo wink at him.

“You said,” Taemin stammers, finally wanting to ask the question he’s been talking with Euisoo about for weeks now. “You said no one would have to find out I was your son.”

“I did say that,” Heechul says, moving to sit next to Taemin. “Truthfully, I think it would hinder the little business we have going on right now.”

“Then,” Taemin starts, his voice shaking, “Then is it okay if I go home this weekend? To see - to see my other family?”

How many months has Taemin gone without seeing his real family? Without seeing his brother or his dad? To try and keep them safe?

It’s been too long, and he misses them desperately. And finally, after months of distancing himself, his brother called and asked him to come home. Just for the weekend. Just to say hi. Because they miss him too.

“You go see them,” Heechul tells him, patting Taemin’s shoulder again. “You see them and you assure them nothing’s wrong. Nothing’s out of the ordinary. You’ve just been busy with being an idol.”

“Thank you,” Taemin breathes out, his voice barely above a whisper.

When he gets home that Friday night, he hugs his dad tighter than he has in a long, long time. He doesn’t tell them anything, doesn’t say anything about his newfound biological family or their business or how he knows they’re the ones who killed his mother. He keeps it all a secret, stays quiet about it, and instead just tries to pretend that he’s happy for the first time in months.

[diligentgoose]

My D&D parties characters! I drew this when we were intending to make a Spotify podcast, but it was already pretty late in the campaign so we decided not to. 

Left to right: My Shifter Druid, Ilseyon (Ilsey) Rylet. He led tens-of-thousands of citizens to safety as a Giant Hawk one time when our Bloodhunter accidentally summoned a god that destroyed the city. He also helped find trapped people and corpses. He’s the symbol of Rescue Organisations now and has a giant statue in the centre of the (re-made) city dedicated to the anonymous Druid. He also married his childhood sweetheart, Matyuldi (AKA Matty), a Tiefling musician, not long ago and has been going Agate hunting to awaken a bunch of animals and together they run a non-profit conservation effort for the city. He’s one of two characters who *gasp* have an ACTUAL good, supportive and loving family.  Inflarema Silberstern, our Half-Elf Bloodhunter. She introduced the rest of our party to the concept of found family (via her gay adoptive fathers), and has been so so so integral to character growth and party dynamics. She’s a flaming lesbian and we all love her and her sassy Aarakocra Arcane Ranger GF to the Sun and back. Our Wizard knocked out her asshole blood-brother in a bathroom one time and stole his phone for our Cleric who’d lost hers in the BBEG fight. It was great. We would die for her. Delphine Vontaine, our Wood Elf Monk. We couldn’t beat anything without her tbh. She’s grown up so much from our first session, and I absolutely have to praise her player, who portrays her SO DAMN WELL. She’s easily the best of the players at the table when it comes to RP. She’s our token Mean Girl Rich Kid Barbie, and it’s been a real journey to get her to question Daddy Dearest, but we’re so proud of her for starting to think for herself and defy the bastard. She also has a literal video game GF now (after breaking up with the Wizard, far right), after the party got sucked into a video game demi-plane to rescue Ilsey’s little brother. Sammi is SOOOOO badass. A mechanically Goliath Sniper. Wonderful GM @puwumats went along with this absolute mischief and invented a way for it to be possible in-world for Sammi to live on the Material Plane. Also GM got me into Tumblr and I blame her for me being up until 5am last night building my blog/s.  Liliana Leijon. Aboslute cinnamon role. Too good for this world. Too pure.  She’s our Cleric, guess which domain? LMAO. She’s a lynchpin for the party, and is the other party member who *gasp* has a nice family. Our GM got so creative with her backstory and it was amazing. Too much to explain, but HOT DAMN was that a fun arc. So much has happened since our accidentally summoned BBEG God of Destruction. Long story short, she was an Aasimar. Our Blood Hunter died. Three of us gave up all our GM Inspirations to help try plead with the Raven Queen to bring her back (Divine Intervention). We got it on the last time, and Lil’s had to make a deal to give up her divine ancestry link to Her. She’s now mechanically a half-elf and has blonde hair and a healthy pallor. She was dying slowly from a necrotic curse/disease at the time though, so it effectively removed it from her because it was related to her Aasimar-ness. That’s a plus. Previously J’son Dane (yes, it is the reference you’re thinking of), a Warlock of the God of Destruction, now our SmortBoi Wizard (almost Paladin tbh) to Ioun. A lot happened thanks to epic backstory thought up by our GM, and his name is now Elias Wildvale. He was THE EDGIEST LITTLE SHIT. Passed around from foster home to foster home, emancipated at 14 (literally always carried around his Legal Adult certificate), joined the Mob...Once left a small shoe-store Clerk in the staff room of his store with broken knee caps and pants filled with shit (literally intimidated him into shitting himself with a Nat 20 +, like, 8 at level 2) after he failed for the last time to repay a loan from the Boss. He cried in the shower afterwards and was physically sick. He hated working for the Mob. After Ioun spoke to him, seeing his potential for good, to save him from losing his soul to the BBEG, a huge weight has been taken off his shoulders and he’s been doing so much community work to help disadvantaged kids with his reward for saving the city. Which he did btw. The BBEG dropped a Wish pearl, which he used to undo the destruction of his now former deity. I also wrote this quote down from him because it was a fucking great line: “I’ve committed as many felonies as I have pubes.”

Btw the mob boss was a Halfling named Big Tony who had a Goliath wife. ICONIC.  Not in the picture because he’s been added to the party since, our red skinned emo Tiefling Fighter (samurai aesthetically), Nikolae Adreni, but we all refer to him as Pollux. He was originally an NPC that was a long-time friend of Liliana (whom he calls Castor) and briefly, her BF. We got a new player who’d never played D&D before and was happy to bring Pollux to life while they learned the game. They’re a natural with RP. We still have backstory to explore with Pollux, which I look forward to our characters and us discovering, sometime. Did I mention Pollux is absolute bae and fashion icon? ‘Cause he is.  But yeah, I love my Party and I’m gonna miss this campaign when it ends by early 2021. We’ve been playing since January this year, at least twice a month. Our sessions go for between 8-15 hours. We hardcore love the world and our characters.

[wildmichaelflower]

Our Forevers

Pairings: teacher!Michael/teacher!Calum/teacher!Reader

Warnings: Angst (that gets resolved), Mentions of food and water, Mentions of alcohol, Discussion of insecurities

Word Count: 1,477

     Being a teacher was not an easy job, but it was the job you loved. You taught American and World History to high school students and, even in your fourth year, you took a sense of joy in seeing the interest beaming in your students eyes as you taught them about the eras of the past. This year, however, graduation would be just more bittersweet. Your first freshman class were seniors, and were just weeks away before beginning their adult lives. You were happy for them, of course, especially when many discussed how excited they were to begin college or job trainings. One of your partners, Calum, who taught middle school gym, tried to empathize you by discussing how he felt watching his first sixth grader class, now grown into eighth graders,prepare to go into high school in the fall.

“Be careful of those new freshmen in the fall,” he smiled as you two preapred dinner one night, “They’re full of angst and their favorite lunch days are pizza. Otherwise they only care about video games and the brands of their clothes.”

“Are you calling me an eighth grader?” Michael joked as he walked into the room, fresh from his shower, hair still dripping wet.

You giggled softly at his remark before following it with, “No, you have actually learned how to wear Axe spray.”

Calum chuckled, “The only correct way is to not wear it.” He shook his head as he added chopped vegetables to the salad, “The boys’ locker room will always smell like it, and I have to remind them not to spray it near my office.” 

Michael grinned as he took a piece of garlic bread from the plate on the island, “Damn, I thought reminding second graders to wash hands before snack was hard.”

You smiled and turned to turn one of the burners off, covering the now completed sauce before focusing on the noodles. 

“How are things in the doghouse anyway?” You smiled. Doghouse referred to his classroom, a joke Michael took great pride in. His first second graders said his last name reminded them of a cartoon red giant dog, and since then, his classroom door was designed like the entrance of a doghouse, and on the morning of the first day, students created a form of dogtag to personalize their desk. 

He swallowed quickly before explaining a moment between a ‘Bobby’ and a ‘Susan’. Silly generic names were common in your household, as real names were legally protected, but it did make the stories enjoyable as well. 

"Little Bobby had told Susan that if she didn't marry him on the playground, no one ever would. Poor girl was in tears," Michael shook his head before getting a beer. He took a few sips, before continuing, "I had to explain that no one was getting married on the playground that day." He grinned mischievously at his lovers, "but one day? Who knows?" 

You laughed at the blonde man's suggestion before handing him his plate, kissing his cheek as he got salad from Calum, who chuckled in response as well.

"Yeah? You got the rings to propose first mister?" Calum smirked as he played the vegetables before giving Michael a kiss on the opposite cheek. 

Michael blushed and shook his head, "Not yet, it's not we're made of money. I would have to get two engagement rings, other teachers barely scrape enough to get one." 

It was true money was occasionally tight, no one went into teaching for money, but you three got by. Michael's tone, however, implied that he was genuinely upset.

You and Calum shared a look behind Michael's back as he went to sit down and Calum followed, placing the salad and garlic table In the center of the table before resting his hands on Michael's shoulder. 

"Bunny, it's ok. We don't need fancy rings to be happy." He smiled softly and kissed his boyfriend's head. 

You nodded, placing your and Calum's plates at the respective places on the table before kneeling on the ground, giving Michael a small smile as he looked at you before taking one of his hands. 

"Cinnamon, we need you happy to be happy," you whisper, rubbing your thumb over his knuckles, "Nothing more." 

Usually your and Calum's nicknames for your lover brought a smile to his face, but he seemed to stare past you, through you. 

This was serious for him, and the best thing to do was to stay where you were, providing comfort until he found the words he needed to get off his chest.

Finally he moved his hands, the right on top of yours on his right knee, the left interlocked with the hand Calum placed on his right shoulder. He took a deep breath, before confessing,

"I love you both, you two are my sunbeam and snowball but I'm terrified for our future. I don't know if you noticed, but I have no idea what I'm doing. I almost never do." 

You and Calum shared a look again but allowed Michael to continue. 

"I want to marry you both, but I feel I'm not good enough for the two of you. You two are both so amazing at your job, while all I do is get paid to play with kids," he took a deep breath, emotion overwhelming his steady tone, "A-and I love my job, my kids are great, but when we go tell people our careers, I feel I don't get the same respect, because I'm in elementary. That's not on you two, of course," he smiled softly, giving each hand a reassuring squeeze, but there was no ignoring the tear that was falling down his cheek, "but when I speak of forever, I want to mean it. I do mean it." He leaned in to your touch as you wiped his tears, his hand gently placed on your wrist. 

He sniffed then looked into your eyes, "I guess what I need to know is that our forevers last the same amount of time. It wouldn't be the same without either of you." 

You nodded, your own tears forming as you whispered, "Of course Cinnamon, there's nowhere else I rather be than here with you and Peppermint," you looked at Calum, who nodded, kissing Michael's head again as his own tears fell into the older man's hair. 

"We're sorry we never noticed, bunny. We're always here if you get scared or nervous. About your career, about us. Anything. Forever." Calum smiled and moved so he and Michael were face to face. 

Michael nodded,giving you both gentle kisses before rubbing his face, wiping away the remnants of the tears.

"God," he smiled softly, "I really am lucky. The best lovers in the world chose not only each other but me as well." 

"Nah, we're the lucky one babe." You slowly stood up, rubbing his back, "Are you ok if we start eating or would you like to come back to dinner and have cuddles?" 

He shook his head, "I'm starving," he smiled, "and I've been looking forward to this spaghetti since you and Sunbeam mentioned in our group chat."

You nodded and went to heat up the food as Calum prepared drinks.

"I don't know," Calum smirked as he sat Michael's glass of water down, "I'm kinda craving themattababy now." 

Michael frowned in confusion as he took small sips, before asking, "What's themattababy?"

"Nothing," Calum's grin grew as Michael had fallen into his trap, "What's the matter with you?" 

You bit your lip to hold your giggle as Michael let out a loud, disappointed groan. 

You set the plates back down and Michael gently grabbed your hand, doing his best to hold a serious expression but his failed attempts to not smile finally brought your giggle out. 

"Snowball, I'd like to return one boyfriend please. He worked fine until I realized he made terrible jokes. Very defective, cannot be put back on the market."

You smiled and played along, "Oh? And how much did you pay for this defective boyfriend?" 

"A whole makeout session," he smirked, winking at the boyfriend in question.

You laughed and glanced at Calum, who was trying to cover his grin with a playful pout as he set the last two cups down, "Well I am unable to provide a full refund at this moment, I can give you a coupon of equal value." You smirked.

"Deal." Michael grinned.

"Please," Calum playfully rolled his eyes, "You two wouldn't get rid of me that easily." he sat down at his usual spot of the circular table, on Michael's left and your right. 

You smiled and nodded, kissing Michael before sitting down, kissing Calum's cheek. 

"We're here for forever." Michael promised, smiling as his lovers nodded in confirmation.

Forever, you decided, would be the perfect starting spot for the men you loved.