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iamnotoriginalphil · 3 years

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That agatha harkness fic made me gayer ebekebkejekeks could u write a smut of her if that's cool with you? A agatha x female! Maybe reader finds out who agnes really is and what her plan with Wanda is (bonus is reader is also a witch and just wants to do good lmao and not get on Wandas bad side) and gets really angry with agatha for going to far with wandas twins and the two fight in the basement until agatha shuts her up with a kiss turning into a heated make out and they basically fuck it out?👀👀 because they do love one another just angry lmaoo (If your done with that)

Ahaha, everything about Agatha makes me super gay. I hope you like this one too.

To say that living in Westview had been a wild ride would be an understatement. You’d arrived when the sheer amount of power had called to you, guiding you to the small town in New Jersey. You’d barely managed to get through the barrier with your mind intact. Finding a 1950s sitcom was not what you’d been expecting. Realising one of the Avengers was at the heart of the whole thing was even more unexpected.

Finding the legendary Agatha Harkness staking out her territory was the most mind blowing part in the entire situation,

You hadn’t meant to stay so long, not when you’d realised what you’d stumbled in on. You had no interest in coming between two powerful witches that far outclassed you. But still, something kept you from leaving.

You tried to tell yourself it had nothing to do with the dark witch with the ice blue eyes. There was only so long that lie could last.

You’d grown up hearing the stories about the power she held, the things she’d done, the way she should be feared. You hadn’t expected the magnetism you felt towards her, nor the way she took you under her wing. You might not have agreed with her plan but you couldn’t help wanting to be by her side. Not that you were going to tell her that.

In all the warnings you’d been given, not a single one had been about not falling in love with Agatha Harkness.

You thought you’d be able to put aside what she was doing with Wanda. If you ignored it then it didn’t have to exist. Until it did.

You caught the moment Agatha presented Sparky to Wanda’s boys. Watching their faces crumple had you clutching at the window sill until your knuckles turned white. You turned away from the window, not wanting to watch anymore. You stayed in the kitchen, staring at the boiling kettle until you heard the front door open and close. Her footsteps retreated down the basement steps. You gritted your teeth, knowing you couldn’t stand by anymore and watch her torture children, even if they weren’t real. You gave her a couple more seconds before you slipped downstairs.

She was standing, reading from one of her books, her hand almost absentmindedly moving through the air. Purple smoke curled around her fingers like a lover caressing her skin. You hovered on the fringes, watching her. You worried your lower lip between your teeth, your hands wringing together.

“Are you going to keep standing there, hon, or are you going to come in?”

You jumped when she spoke. You shouldn’t have been surprised. She always seemed to know exactly where you were. You took a step into the circle. She turned to you, a smile already on her face. It made your heart skip a beat.

“Something on your mind, darling?” she asked.

“I don’t like what you did with Sparky,” you said, “you went too far this time.”

“It’s all part of the plan. There’s nothing to be concerned about,” she said, brushing you off.

“I thought the plan was to find the source of Wanda’s power, not mess with her kids,” you said, “I didn’t sign up for hurting children.”

“Those kids are a part of her,” she said, “they don’t actually exist. No real kids were harmed in the making of this episode.”

“It doesn’t feel that way,” you said.

Her book closed with a snap and she turned on her heels. You were surprised to see her jaw clenched and her eyes harden as they took you in. You lifted your chin, not willing to back down on this. You had no interest in hurting any innocent bystanders.

“I’m not sure I liked the person I saw tonight.”

She took a step towards you. For the first time you saw the threatening aura you’d been warned about time and time again. Your fists clenched, your nails digging into the palm of your hands.

“No one has asked you to like me,” she said, “you signed up for this when you agreed to help me.”

“Well, maybe I made a mistake then,” you said.

She froze. You took a step towards her, hating the way her whole demeanour had turned cold.

“I’m not saying don’t do what you have to with Wanda. Just leave the kids out of it,” you said.

“You are not in charge here,” she snapped.

“I know I’m not,” you replied, “but if you want my help the least you could do is this one thing.”

She growled low in her throat, stepping into your personal space. You could see the power gathering in her hands. You flinched back, knowing how vulnerable you were. There was nothing you could do when encircled by her runes. She took another step, forcing you to take another back.

She advanced on you until your back hit the rough stone wall. A squeak left your lips. You looked up into her eyes, frozen by the ice you saw in them. She bared her teeth at you.

“Maybe you should leave then,” she snarled. For a moment her harsh gaze flickered, just enough to see some other unnamed emotion behind her mask. You wished you could figure out what it was. And just like that it was gone again, nothing but ice remaining.

“If that’s what you want, then fine. I’ll go,” you said.

“Why are you still here then?” she asked.

“Because you have to say it. You have to say ‘I want you to leave me and never come back’. Otherwise I won’t know it’s what you really want,” you replied.

Her mouth opened then hung there, waiting. The seconds ticked by. You waited for the words to come out of her mouth.

“Well?” You hated how harsh you sounded.

Instead of responding she surged forward, her hands slamming into the wall either side of your head. You jumped, your eyes dragging up to find hers. She snarled at you and it shouldn’t have sent a shot of desire through your body but it did.

“There’s no point staying if you don’t want to be here,” she said.

“I never said I didn’t want to be here,” you snapped, “you’re the one saying that.”

Her brow wrinkled. You pressed your hands against the rough brick wall, steadying them.

“I don’t want to leave,” you said.

You weren’t expecting her to lean forward and capture your lips with hers. You gasped into her mouth. She drew back, staring at you with wide eyes. You blinked at her, waiting for her to say something. When she didn’t you surged forward, wrapping your arms around her neck, pressing your body to hers and kissing her with as much emotion as you could.

She grabbed your hips in a vice like grip, pushing you back against the wall. You made a needy little noise in the back of your throat as you wound your fingers in her hair, kissing her like she was the air you breathed. Her tongue swiped along your bottom lip until you gave her entrance.

Her hands slid up your body, leaving fire in the wake of her trailing fingers. You shivered, trying to press closer to her. The warmth of her magic surrounded you, pinning you back against the wall, an immovable force keeping you there while her hands wandered higher and higher. You whined into her mouth. She nipped at your lower lip, almost playful. Your fingers tightened in her hair and it was as if you’d unleashed something in her.

She cupped your breasts, squeezing at the supple flesh. She tugged on your lip with her teeth before moving down the column of your neck. Your head fell back, your eyes slipping closed as her fingers found your cloth covered nipples. She was harsh as she twisted, the pain and pleasure mingling into a haze in your head. It was too much. It wasn’t enough.

She gave a sharp suck to your pulse point, her tongue soothing over it. She pushed her hands up your shirt, trailing over bare skin. You lifted your arms, letting her tear it off you, quickly followed by your bra.

She pinched at your nipples, rolling them between thumb and forefinger. You were a gasping mess, barely able to catch your breath. Her teeth sunk into your shoulder. You grabbed at the hem of her shirt, tugging on it, wanting to see her bare before you. It might kill you with how beautiful she was but it was a risk you were willing to take.

She let you pull the shirt from her body, dropping it to the floor beside you. Your fingers tripped along her ribs, sliding around to catch the bumps of her spine. One of her hands grasped your thigh, the other following suit. She hoisted you up, your legs wrapping around your waist. You tugged on the end of her hair. She growled into your skin, her teeth skimming over the sensitive expanse. You tugged again until she looked up at you.

You kissed her, your teeth clashing together as your tongues fought for dominance. You hummed into her mouth, tightening your legs around her until it felt like you might crush her. She dug her fingers into the flesh of your ass, leaving bruises to be found later.

You couldn’t stop yourself from nipping at her lower lip.

She pressed her lips under your jaw, trailing down. You pulled on her hair until she was looking at you, blue eyes bright. You kissed her deeply, your nails scratching down her back. She let out a frustrated growl as she palmed at your ass, her fingers catching on your belt loops.

“Take them off,” you demanded.

“What was that?” she asked.

“Take the damned things off,” you huffed.

She let you down, her hands grasping the waistband of your trousers. One of your hands slid down from her shoulders until you gently cupped one of her breasts. You ran your thumb over her nipple, feeling it pebble under your touch. Her chest arched into your hand, her breath growing rapid. You lent forward, capturing the other in your mouth.

“Fuck,” she mumbled.

You glanced up, watching her head tip back. One of her hands buried in your hair while the other ran along the skin of your lower stomach. You grasped her hips, spinning the two of you around, slamming her body against the wall. She let out a surprised breath.

You kneeled, pulling her trousers down with you. She stepped out of them, kicking them to the side. You didn’t hesitate to pull her leg over your shoulder. Your teeth sunk into the vulnerable skin of her inner thigh, marking her as yours. Her fingers tightened in your hair painfully.

“Stop fucking teasing,” she hissed.

Looking up you found her watching you, pupils blown wide, lips kiss swollen, and hair wild. She’d never looked so beautiful.

The first touch was tentative. Hearing a soft groan, you dove in. You lapped at her entrance, enjoying the way her fingers twisted in your hair, pulling you closer. The taste of her on your tongue was the only thing that mattered to you.

You wrapped your lips around her bundle of nerves, giving an experimental suck. She made a high pitched noise, trembling against you. You moaned and she pulled you closer, profanities falling from her lips. You gave a harsh suck, wanting her to fall apart.

Instead she pushed you off her, hard enough for you to fall on your ass. She fell to her knees, straddling your lap. She grabbed the waistband of your pants, tearing them off your body. She pressed one hand to the centre of your chest pushing you down. You stared up at her as she straddled your waist, leaning forward to kiss you again.

You grasped her hips, gasping into her mouth as her fingertips ran over your nipples, barely there. You arched towards her but her fingers were already moving on, caressing down your body. Her mouth began to travel downwards, nipping at you here and there.

Her fingers ran through your folds. You arched up, hold tightening on her hips. Her tongue flicked over your nipple. You slipped your hands around until you found her warmth, mirroring her actions. Her hips rutted against you.

She began to slowly circle your clit, your own hand following suit. Her lips attached to your neck again. Your legs fell open and she straddled one of your thighs. You let your finger graze over her bundle of nerves. She nipped at your pulse point as her hips ground down. Her own finger pressed down on your clit until you were crying out.

You pushed two fingers into her, watching as her head fell back. You pumped your fingers into her, setting a hard and fast pace. You loved the way your name fell from her lips like a prayer.

In retaliation she pushed her own fingers into you, curling within you. Your pace stuttered. She grinned down at you as your hips thrust up to her, looking for her touch. You ground your palm against her clit, watching the smile slip from her face with a gasp.

You could feel the coil within you tightening as she worked your body like a pro. You were holding on, refusing to let go until she did first. She must have been having the same kind of thoughts because although she was grinding down on your hand with abandon she wasn’t falling over the edge.

And then she added a third finger. There was nothing you could do. She filled you so perfectly and you couldn’t hold it back. You came, your hips bucking against her. You’d never felt something as intense as that, pleasure coursing through your veins.

She stared down at you, her own hips moving in a fast rhythm atop you. You didn’t have a chance to come back to yourself before she joined you with a scream. All you could do was watch as her face contorted with pleasure and her breathing stopped. You were so enchanted by her.

As her breathing steadied she lent forward, pressing her forehead against yours. Your eyes closed while your arms wrapped around her waist, pressing her body flush against yours. She chuckled.

“I wasn’t expecting that from you, doll,” she murmured.

“You can’t say you haven’t noticed how I feel about you,” you said, “I didn’t think I was being very subtle.”

“I meant the arguement,” she said, “the sex was an added bonus.”

You laughed, gently pushing her up. She sat up, still straddling your leg. You followed suit, keeping your arms loosely wrapped around her waist.

“I suppose this is as a good time as any to tell you I’m in love with you,” you said.

She cupped your cheek, pulling you in for a kiss. It was soft and sweet and took your breath away. You melted against her.

“I love you too,” she said.

“So you don’t want me to leave?” you asked, trying to keep the smirk from your face.

“Never,” she replied.

You kissed her again, making her a promise you were only too happy to keep.

Tags: @paulawand

#agatha harkness #agatha harkness imagine #agatha harkness x you #agatha harkness x reader #kathryn hahn

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loverboytrashmouth · 3 years

Text

Wish You Were Sober

pairing; Reddie

word count; 4k

summary; Eddie is tired of Richie flirting like a madman whenever he gets alcohol in his system.

a/n; so i decided i’m making a kind of series of reddie fics i write based on songs, bc i’m the type of bitch that listens to any music or intakes any kind of media and thinks “iMagiNe tHiS bUt rEdDiE<333″ so ya there’s that lol. here’s a lil angsty one shot based on wish you were sober by conan gray, aka a superior song if u ask me. as always, read on ao3 here if you’d like and enjoy ! :)

Nirvana blared through the speakers and traveled throughout the too small apartment owned by some random guy in one of Richie’s classes. Richie didn’t know him too well - he thinks his name is Chris? Collin? Something with a ‘C’ - but, hey, a party’s a party, and free booze is free booze.

The trashmouth was chatting loudly over the music with Bill on a dingy leather couch, waiting for Stan and Eddie to return with more drinks. Richie was already significantly further along than his friends in terms of his drunken state, all obnoxious laughs interrupted by hiccups and long, gangly limbs flailing more wildly than usual. It almost should be concerning to the other Losers, having only been at the party for less than a couple hours and their friend already being long gone, but it was what they were used to. Since they were 15 and stealing liquor from their parents, the Losers constantly saw Richie’s “go big or go home” attitude with drinking. They assumed it was just Richie wanting to be the life of the party and center of attention, whether that meant going shot for shot with Mike, accepting any type of drinking related dare from Beverly, etc.

Richie let them believe this, because it was better than telling them the truth. It was easier than admitting to them that around the same time he started sneaking a copious amount of vodka from the Tozier’s alcohol stash, he was also realizing certain feelings he had for a certain Loser.

Richie Tozier loved Eddie Kaspbrak. Richie was sure it was just one of those basic laws of the universe, one that’s impossible to ignore and inevitable to come to pass. Despite this, living in a small town like Derry meant getting the shit kicked out of you if you even look at another guy for too long, soulmates or inescapable love or whatever be damned. Richie had gotten beatdowns left and right from neighborhood bullies for being a “faggot” before he even knew what the word meant, so he, unfortunately, knew this from personal experience.

But now, sitting in an apartment in Manhattan of all places, attending NYU with three out of six of his best friends, away from those assholes in Derry, Richie thought he’d loosen up. Let himself be brave.

He soon learned that was easier said than done; who knew what 19 years of internalized homophobia could do to a man?

It’s not like he was afraid of being more of an outcast; he was already a loser with a capital “L,” and he, along with the rest of his friends, carried the title like it was given to them by the Queen herself. Deep down Richie knew the rest of the Losers wouldn’t even bat an eye at the fact that he liked dudes the way he should have liked girls, so he wasn’t afraid of losing them either. And deep, deep down, Richie also knew there wasn’t really anything wrong with him. Why would he feel such a way if it was supposed to be such an unnatural and vile thing? He couldn’t help who he was, who or how he loved, and God, he loved Eddie so much he thought he could just burst with it sometimes.

That shred of acceptance, though, was buried so deep in his lanky form, and the only way to reach it was through a ridiculous amount of shots. Or beers. Or just about anything with a decent alcohol content, really. He’d even settle with wine if he had to.

When Richie was drunk, he was able to be more clingy and face less consequences. He was already an affectionate guy, constantly pinching Eddie’s cheeks and throwing a lazy arm around the shorter man’s shoulders whenever he could. With alcohol, though, he’d give sloppy cheek kisses and intertwine his fingers with Eddie’s and allow his face to form a subtle blush when an intoxicated Eddie would lean into it.

“Sorry for being all over ya last night, Eds. You know how gross and clingy I can get,” he’d say the following morning, and then they’d fall back into their rhythm of bickering and ‘your mom’ jokes. Business as usual, like clockwork every time they’d get wasted.

Richie thought it was going well, that his feelings were going totally unnoticed, that he was stealth. Until this particular college party, that is.

Richie’s attention left his conversation with Bill about the newest Die Hard film when he felt the couch sink next to him, turning to meet eyes with a mildly tipsy Eddie. The taller man’s face immediately lit up, a goofy smile spreading across his chapped lips.

“Hiya, Spagheds! What’s cookin, good lookin’?” Richie slurred out, his arm finding its way around Eddie’s waist and using his other hand to snatch the mixed drink his friend was holding out for him. Eddie responded with his usual scoff and eyeroll, but Richie noted an extra bite to it that he wasn’t used to getting from him.

“Don’t call me that, asshole! And haven’t you ever heard of personal space?” Eddie grumbled, wiggling himself out of Richie’s side embrace and putting some distance between the two. The arm that was once around Eddie made its way to Richie’s own body as he dramatically grasped at his chest.

“Eddie, baby, you’ve wounded me! Since when do you pass up some signature Tozier cuddles?” Richie was met with a simple huff in response as Eddie avoided his gaze. Richie’s eyebrows furrowed together in confusion at the lack of attention he was receiving from the man who would usually be giving him the most attention, but he was overall too drunk to overthink. With a shrug, Richie downed his freshly made drink in record timing before crunching the plastic cup in his hand and tossing it over his shoulder, causing Eddie to scoff again from next to him. Stan spoke up from beside Bill before Eddie could ream his friend about his lack of care for tidiness.

“Maybe you should start on some water, huh, Rich?” Richie gasped dramatically, turning to look at Stan as if he had just told him pigs fly.

“Staniel, did you just ask moi to drink water? What’s the point of free booze if you’re not gonna take advantage?” He asked incredulously before standing, wobbling on his long limbs for a couple seconds and giggling a bit before regaining his balance. “Speaking of, I’m gonna go see if my boy Chris has any good brewskis lyin’ around.”

“Isn’t his name C-C-Connor?” Bill asked, shaking his head in amusement. He seemed to be the only one enjoying the trashmouth’s antics this evening, as Stan’s eyebrows were furrowed in concern which he tried to pass off as annoyance, and Eddie still kept his gaze elsewhere. It was the latter that made Richie itch for another drink.

“Whatever the fuck, Billiam. I’ll be back in a jiff, my loves! Try not to miss me too much!” Richie exclaimed with a bow, breaking out his British accent for his next sentence. “But if I find m’lady Mary Jane, don’t wait up, lads! Pip pip!”

Before Richie could step five feet from the couch, an aggressive hand was yanking him back by the wrist. Losing his footing due to the intrusion, Richie stumbled once more, nearly toppling onto Eddie. The shorter man’s tight grip on his arm was the only thing that kept him from sending them both back onto the scratchy leather of the couch below. Richie beamed at the attention he was finally receiving, despite the glare Eddie was boring deep into his features.

“Sit the fuck down, Richard. You’re not drinking anymore fucking beer and you’re definitely not smoking anything. You’re drinking some water and I’m taking you the fuck back to your room, asswipe,” Eddie said sternly, getting as close as he could to Richie’s face with the height difference between them. Richie couldn’t help but love when Eddie got like this; sure, he was red in the face more with anger than with the alcohol, but the anger was backed by mountains of concern. It reminded Richie how much his love cared about him, even though he was sure their forms of love differed. There was still some kind of love there, and sometimes, that was enough for him.

Although Richie felt his chest swell and he wanted nothing more than to ease Eddie’s anger and please him, his mouth rambled before his brain could tell it what to say, as usual.

“If you wanted to get me alone, Eds, all ya had to do was ask,” Richie slurred with a wink, slowly bringing his hand up Eddie’s arm, his calloused fingertips slightly teasing the warm skin. Eddie’s face flushed an even deeper shade of red, from anger or something else, no one was sure - until Richie’s hand was being swatted away, the smack of it loud enough for Bill and Stan to hear over the music from their spot on the couch. Richie mumbled a curse under his breath as he rubbed the skin Eddie came in contact with, a sting lingering there. He opened his mouth to speak again, some kind of excuse or apology on the tip of his tongue, but never got it out due to Eddie’s voice cutting him off.

“Stop doing this, Richie! Just stop! I’m tired of it!” Eddie's voice was slowly rising, and the tremble that laced within his words acted as some kind of magical potion; suddenly Richie had never been so sober.

“Hey, Eddie, it’s okay. I’m sorry, whatever I did I’m sor-” The apology was interrupted with another signature scoff as Eddie looked at the ground, shaking his head, breathing out a humorless chuckle.

“You don’t even know what you’re doing,” he said with a frustrated sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose before looking Richie in his eyes once again. Despite the apartment being dark with the exception of a couple of lamps scattered around the area, Richie could see the glistening threat of tears waiting to spill from the doe eyes he loved so much. His heart ached.

“Of course you don’t know what you’re doing, Rich, because you’re too fucking drunk! You’re always too drunk. I just… I just wish you were sober for fucking once!” Eddie practically screamed, before his voice softened with hurt again. “I just wish you’d act like this with me without fucking booze.” There were a couple beats of silence between them, two pairs of dark eyes swimming with gallons of emotions simply blinking at one another, the only noise coming from Eddie’s sniffling. Richie did all in his power to search for a response, but for once in his life, the trashmouth was at a loss for words. After what felt like forever, Eddie finally ended the moment by turning on his heel and making a beeline for the door, leaving Richie to stand in dumbfounded silence while his intoxicated brain processed the scene that just unfolded. His thought process was interrupted by a voice coming from the couch.

“Wha-what just happened?” Bill asked, his amusement from earlier in the night completely dissipated and replaced with a mix of confusion and concern.

“Richie’s oblivious and a dumbass is what just happened. Nothing new,” Stan deadpanned from next to him. Richie snapped his body towards the pair, making his head spin and reminding him of just how drunk he was. He blinked at the two in an attempt to adjust his sight before raising his hands in defense at Stan’s comment.

“What are you talking about? Do you know what that was about?” Richie asked, pointing towards the direction Eddie stormed off in. Stan rolled his eyes before standing up and grabbing Richie by the shoulders with both hands, giving him a serious look.

“When we went to get drinks, Eddie talked to me. About you. About how you act when you’re drunk, all over him and shit, more than usual. And how much he likes it, but he hates that he likes it, because you only do it when you’re drunk.” Richie continued to gape at his friend, clearly not connecting what Stan’s words meant. Stan sighed, scrunching his face in annoyance and gripping Richie’s shoulders tighter. “He’s in love with you, asshole! Either tell him you love him too, because trust me, everyone except him knows you do, or stop leading him on. It’s fucking ruining him, man!”

Realization finally hit Richie, his eyes welling with tears as Stan’s grip on his shoulders softened. “He- He is? Are you sure? This- This isn’t funny, Stanley. A-Are you sure?” he breathed out, and if it wasn’t for the weight of the situation, he’d made a joke about how he was sounding like Bill, nervous stutter and all. Stan gave a slight nod and responded, but Richie didn’t hear what he said. His mind was suddenly racing; find Eddie. tell Eddie. kiss Eddie. EddieEddieEddie.

Before he knew it his feet were running just as fast as his thoughts, not 100% sure where he was going, just knowing he needed to find Eddie. Richie raced out of the apartment building into the chilly air that was New York City on a late November night, frantically scanning the streets. His eyes soon locked on a figure about half a block down, leaning against a mailbox, head in his hands. Even with the distance between them, Richie could tell he was trembling, either from the cold or from crying, he wasn’t sure. As he felt the sharp breeze across his skin exposed by the rips in his jeans, he assumed probably both.

Richie thought better than to call out his name, opting instead to slowly approach Eddie. He did his best to labor his breathing in his short walk over, mentally preparing himself for the confrontation that was about to take place. The confrontation that would bear all feelings, all confessions. All of the walls Richie had been building around himself since high school would finally come down.

He wished he had another drink.

“Eds?” He spoke softly, possibly the softest he’d ever spoken, as to not scare Eddie and send him running. The shorter man lifted his head from his hands, and Richie’s heart broke even more at the sight before him. Eddie’s eyes were red and puffy, a wall of hurt extremely evident in the soft brown. His nose was runny, and his lip quivered as he looked away when he realized who was standing in front of him.

“Don’t call me that,” he practically whispered, just loud enough for the other to catch it over the bustle of traffic in the streets surrounding them. Although he was avoiding the other man’s gaze like his life depended on it, Eddie made no attempt to walk away. Richie took that as a small win.

“Eddie, talk to me. Please. What’s up? It’s just me and you, man. C’mon.” Richie wanted nothing more than to reach out and touch Eddie. Offer a comforting hand on his shoulder, run his fingers through his hair, hold him close, tell him everything would be okay. But he didn’t dare move.

A car honked down the street, offering the only noise that cut through the thick silence when Eddie didn’t take Richie’s offer to speak. The former stayed silent with his head down, finding the dirty concrete under his pristine white converse highly interesting. Richie let out a sigh.

“Okay, you don’t have to talk. I’ll do all the talking. I’m the Trashmouth after all, aren’t I?” Richie offered a lame chuckle when his attempt at a joke fell flat, Eddie not breaking his frown even slightly. Richie cleared his throat awkwardly before continuing. “Look, I talked to Stan, he told me what you guys talked about, and -” He was cut off by the same humorless chuckle he heard in the apartment minutes ago, but this time it dripped with sadness rather than anger.

“Dammit, Stanley, you fucking traitor,” Eddie mumbled mostly to himself. He shook his head with a deep sigh and rubbed his eyes with the heels of his palms, making them impossibly redder, before willing himself to look at Richie, his voice finally reaching above a murmur for the first time since leaving the party. “Secret’s out, I guess. I’m a fucking cliche. The fuckin’ queer that fell for his best friend.”

All Richie could do was silently stare, mouth slightly agape and eyes comically blown, amplified more so by his glasses. Sure, Stan had told him this not even five minutes beforehand, but hearing it from Eddie himself was an entirely different experience. He figured under different circumstances, Eddie would probably be laughing at how dumb he was sure he looked. Instead, the shorter man looked at him expectantly with tears still in his eyes, clearly waiting for some kind of response, and expecting the worst. They stood this way, basically a mirroring of what played out in the party upstairs before Eddie stormed out, for a solid minute before it was - once again - Eddie who broke the silence.

“So much for doing all the talking,” he muttered, the volume of his voice lowering, Richie realizing as Eddie looked back at the ground that he was closing in on himself once again. “Good night, Rich.”

“No,” Richie finally spoke, his arm darting out to grab Eddie’s hand before he could even adjust his feet to leave. “Please don’t walk away again. Please.” His voice broke on the last plea, his own eyes finally beginning to water. Eddie was still staring in the opposite direction down the concrete path he was planning on following before he was interrupted, but was staying put, not rejecting Richie’s hand in his. “There’s so much I wanna say to you, Eddie. So much. I just… Shit, I just don’t know how.”

Richie was crying just as much as Eddie was at this point but quieter, unable to pull himself together as much as he wanted to be brave. Eddie turned his head to face Richie with his glare still hardened, only softening when he saw the state Richie was in. Eddie had known Richie since they were literal children, and he knew better than anyone that Richie Tozier didn’t cry like this. Not unless something was truly eating at him. The anger Eddie felt towards the situation seemed to have completely disappeared as he comfortably squeezed Richie’s hand, giving him encouraging eyes.

The taller man used his free hand to rub the tears from his eyes, giving him a better look at Eddie. They were standing fairly close to the lone street light of the block, the faint orange tint of the bulb complimenting Eddie’s lightly tanned skin and chestnut eyes. Without thinking, Richie brought his hand up to Eddie’s face, cupping his cheek and wiping a stray tear away with the pad of his thumb. He continued softly rubbing at the skin there after the tear was gone, his thumb dancing across the freckles, his mind flooded with thoughts of how beautiful the man before him was. Eddie closed his eyes for a brief moment, taking in the feel of Richie’s touch.

Unable to find words again but refusing to let the moment slip out of his fingers for the third time of the night, Richie did the only thing he truly knew how to do; he acted impulsively.

If asked, Richie wouldn’t be able to pinpoint exactly when he decided to kiss the man he’d loved since he was 15 in the middle of Greenwich Village at one in the morning. Before he knew it, the hand on Eddie’s cheek slid down to his neck, pulling their lips together before the shorter man could react to the shift in Richie’s hold on him. As much as he didn’t want to admit the fact, Richie knew he wouldn’t have taken such action if it weren’t for the alcohol flowing through his veins, but at this point he didn’t much care. When their lips met, he forgot all about the booze, and became drunk on Eddie.

Eddie kissed back without hesitation, letting go of Richie’s hand and easily snaking his arms around his neck, with a comfortability as if they had done this thousands of times. It was sloppy due to the pair’s mixed tears along with their lack of experience, but nevertheless the two men kissed with purpose, as if the fate of their livelihood depended on this moment. Perhaps it did.

By the time they pulled away and rested their foreheads together, Eddie’s fingers had found themselves tangled in Richie’s dark curls, and Richie’s hands were gripping Eddie’s hips for dear life. The kiss hadn’t lasted too long - thirty seconds or so, if that - however the energy both men poured into those short seconds left them panting heavily, their breath tangling together, hot in the other’s face in the midst of the cold air around them.

“That was better than talking,” Richie breathed out with a wet chuckle, causing Eddie to finally crack his first smile of the night. It was a small one, the corners of his mouth curving only lightly, but Richie saw that his happiness had made its way into his stare.

“Shut up, Richie,” Eddie whispered with no real bite in his words before bringing their lips together again, this kiss softer than the last. While their first kiss was filled with the passion built up from years of mutual pining and secrets, their second let them convey the deepness of their love without words to speak. A tender peck of their lips told Richie everything he needed to know; this moment was very much real, and Eddie Kaspbrak very much loved Richie Tozier.

And if the kiss wasn’t enough, Eddie made sure to tell him when he pulled out of the kiss and rested his head on the taller man’s shoulder, pulling him into a proper embrace.

“I love you, Rich. I- I think I always have,” he confessed, his voice slightly muffled from where his face was buried in Richie’s neck, but the other man heard him loud and clear all the same. Richie released his grip on Eddie’s hips and wrapped his arms around him, letting himself breathe out a sigh of relief as he held him impossibly closer.

“I love you too, Eds. So fucking much, fuck.” Richie pressed a kiss to soft brown waves, breathing in the clean scent of lavender shampoo mixed with light cologne, his senses filling with just Eddie.

Standing in the middle of a bustling city they barely knew in the wee hours of a Sunday morning, arms wrapped tightly around one another, ignoring the strangers that walked past them most definitely giving them some variation of judgemental stares, Eddie and Richie had never felt more at home.

“Alright, Trashmouth,” Eddie started, reluctantly pulling away from Richie’s hold. Richie pouted at the loss of feeling Eddie’s body pressed against his own, making the latter chuckle and playfully roll his eyes. He pressed a quick peck to said trashmouth before continuing. “We can talk about this more in the morning. Right now, you need water and sleep.” Richie slapped a toothy grin onto his chapped lips after, once again, being reminded of how intoxicated he still was, falling back into his goofy demeanor with ease.

“Ya gonna take care of me, Dr. K? Ugh, what a dreamboat,” he replied, miming a cartoonish faint. Eddie simply giggled and grasped Richie’s hand once again, interlacing their fingers and leading him in the direction of their dorms. Richie fell back ever so slightly as to not get caught looking at Eddie like the lovesick dork he was, feeling a warmth grow in his body he was sure wasn’t due to the alcohol.

Richie still drinks after this night; old habits die hard, of course. However, Richie didn’t have to be drunk anymore to admit he loved Eddie. He told him sober and drunk, day and night, and vowed to remind Eddie just how much he loved him until the day they died.

#my writing #reddie #richie tozier #eddie kaspbrak #reddie fic #reddie fanfic #reddie angst #it #it chapter one #it chapter two #it 2017 #it 2019

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charmspoint · 3 years

Note

what i know abt qifrey from u talking abt him uhh ok so he's genuinely just a nice guy but also he's evil and irredeemable but also he's literally just a pleasant gentleman

I know ur not asking for a rant about this but by god ur gonna get it.

So the thing is, I don't think Qifrey is evil or irredeemable at all. We joke around the fandom (at least i hope its mostly jokes) that he's evil and crazy but he's really not. If id have to pin Qifrey on a morality spectrum I'd say morally gray but leaning towards the good.

Did Qifrey do some messed up stuff? Yes, fo sure. But I've always gotten more of an impression that he's teetering towards the edge and not completely over it. He does do damage but so far he's mostly made sure that damage was extremely localized and not actually harming other people (I talked about before how Qifrey's own memory erasing spell seems weirdly specialized compared to what we were brought to believe memory erasing spell actually does when used by anyone else).

But now comes the question

Do I think Qifrey will get worse?

Yes, 100% I believe this is where we are going towards, I said before that I'm p convinced he will become some kind of obstacle for Coco down the line.

Qifrey is going through a LOT rn. He's already got ptsd from, you know being stripped of his identity, buried alive, almost drowned and then remembering he was experimented on like a lab rat, but now it's getting worse. Before he could at least relay on the fact that even though his past was horrible, his future was bright. He genuinely loves his job, he loves his girls, he loves teaching. This monolog gets me every single time

Now he's losing his future, he's losing not only his eye, but the whole identity he built out of nothing, he's losing his teaching position, he's losing his kids, he's losing Everything he gained after he had already lost Everything.

It leaves him rushing against an uncertain time limit, desperate, stumbling, sloppy. I don't think he's thinking straight anymore, not really. I think he's convinced he is being methodical and calculating but in actuality he's stumbling forward, grasping at straws, unable to hold on to anything but his need for revenge and the empty words that his actions aren't only for his own sake.

It's all very striking, in his relationship with Olruggio in particular. Olruggio is very clearly supposed to be the guiding light for Qifrey, the one who pulls him back when he goes too far, the one who helps him resist the growing darkness. It's very meaningful how as Qifrey continues on his path he makes sure Olruggio doesn't even know about it. He said it himself, if Olruggio knew, he'd try to save him. He'd try to bring Olruggio to light again and Qifrey doesn't WANT to be saved, he has decided on a road he wants to take and he won't allow anyone to change his course. Not even Olruggio.

So do I think Qifrey is evil?

Do I think he'll get worse?

Yes

Do I think he'll become evil?

Not really

See here's the thing. Qifrey's desperation, how quickly he's trying to work through this, how determined he is to throw everything else under the bus if he could just achieve his goals? All of that is dictated by the fact he's running out of time, the fact that once he loses his eyesight he can no longer be a witch. Eyesight is VERY important to witches since magic is a very visual art. We've seen with Tartar how something as seemingly miniscule as color blindness can basically doom someone, causing everyone around them to say they can't become a witch without good eyesight. So complete blindness is a death sentence to a witches career. Now, it's funny how a lot of the Coustas and Tartars arc has to do with adjusting the world to disability and not the person to the world. How it's made pointed, over and over again, that people with disabilities shouldn't be written off but given proper tools that will help them function, how the world should adjust to be a more comfortable place for all kinds of people and not just those who are already adjusted to it. Without the threat of his eyesight going out and cutting his whole identity into bits, Qifrey wouldn't have to act like this, he would be able to sit and think and not rush and if he still wants to pursue brimhats he could do it more safely for himself and everyone else because the desperation factor would be gone.

So what I think is going to happen is that Qifrey will lose his eyesight but won't lose his standing as a witch because he, Olruggio and the kids will figure out how to make magic accessible to him.

Now there's of course a bunch more unaccounted for variables which I'll probably have a better grasp on after the current arc is done being translated. Ininia and Lord Restis represent a very interesting development because they are brimhats introduced specifically via healing injuries. The rule of 'medicine magic isn't allowed cuz it's a slippery slope' has been there since the beginning of the series and a big thorn in the 'yeah the witch world rules are good and fair' side cuz of course, everyone thinks healing people should be allowed. Now the brimhats we've had so far were fully ready to attack and experiment on children's bodies in order to further their own goals so of course that immediately leaves you disliking them and not putting much account into their rhetoric even though it does make sense at times, but ur not gonna listen to ppl experimenting on kids. That's why I think Ininia and Lord Restis are interesting, cuz if they aren't literally attacking children they might get a good case in about medicine magic being allowed. I think we are going towards at least some sort of medicine magic becoming acceptable considering Tartar's arc. But then the question is, if some sort of medicine magic is approved, will it be used to heal disabilities cuz like...that would kinda suck. I would much rather have a 'world should be adjusted so disabled people can participate in it equally' narrative rather than the 'just heal the disability with magic lol' narrative. But honestly this whole paragraph is pure speculation because the arc isn't fully translated or even fully out yet but I sure af am LOOKING at it. I think it will be v important in understanding where the story is going to go. I just hope Shirahama does a good job with it, but honestly she never once let me down up until now so I'm feelin positive.

Circling back to Qifrey, I do think he's one of the kindest, most understanding, most lovable characters I've had a joy of reading and studying. But he does have a black hole in him that is pulling apart all that kindness, leaving him a shattering shell. I don't think he's evil, I don't think he'll ever become truly evil and despite what he's done I don't think any of what he did is irredeemable, especially with how careful he tends to be not to take away from people more than he has to to further his own goals. But I do think that hole will eat at him more and more and that before he can get better somebody will have to notice it and help him plug it up. Olruggio noticed and Qifrey refused the help, convinced that he can't be helped, not in the way he needs. He will need proof that he can keep his future before he can ease up on the frantic hunt after his past

#megacarapa #witch hat atelier #tbna #lucy rants #im sorry ive been thinking many thoughts lately and you fell into it at just the right time #this is honestly mostly me feeling uncomfy when ppl call qifrey evil cuz he's really not :(

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lala-ladybug · 3 years

Text

Healing Hands: Chapter 2

I promise I’m not this fast at writing, I’ve just had the first few chapters laying around for a while lmao. Reblogs are appreciated!!

Jasonette Sword Art Online AU

Read here on AO3

Tag list: @iloontjeboontje

Previous | Next

Chapter 2: u guys r moding my night :(

There was chaos in the Wayne Manor. This was nothing unusual, of course, and today it even seemed to be surprisingly tame. But it was chaos nonetheless.

Timothy Drake-Wayne careened down the spiral staircase, catching himself with a well-timed front flip handspring, and skidded to a halt in the kitchen. Alfred briefly paused to look up from where he was preparing dough for a batch of homemade pasta, then offered the boy a smile and a greeting.

“Good evening, Master Drake. Dinner won’t be ready for another half-hour, I’m afraid.” Tim had opened his mouth to reply when a growl echoed from the nearby ballroom.

Jason Todd-Wayne sprinted into the kitchen brandishing a nerf gun. “There you are, replacement. You won’t get away with beating me this time.” He pulled back the reloader of the play-gun, making a threatening click ring through the kitchen.

“I’m afraid you are both late to the party,” Alfred calmly announced as he mixed ingredients together. “Miss Cain has been here for the past five minutes.”

Cass Cain-Wayne indeed poked her head out from where she had been perched beneath the bar. She gave her brothers a shit-eating grin and wiggled her fingers as way of a cheeky greeting.

Tim gave a groan as he and Jason begrudgingly handed some money over to their sister. “She cheats.” Cass stuck her tongue out at that. “Besides, racing you here was just an excuse to get my mind off waiting for midnight.”

“And because Alfred is the only one polite enough to actually listen to you rave about that stupid game,” Jason scoffed, sitting down at the bar to watch Alfred work.

“--thought I heard voices in the kitchen, oh there you are, little wing!” Dick Grayson-Wayne’s cheery voice came from the foyer, increasing in pitch as he spotted Jason and swept him up into a tight hug.

Barbara Gordon wheeled herself in not too long after, chuckling at the squirming Jason and delighted older brother.

Meanwhile Tim, who had taken offense to Jason’s insinuation, was reassuring Alfred that if he wanted the boys to leave him be he only ever had to ask. “It’s just that I’m so excited for the launch tonight, and you know B is too busy to hear about it.”

Jason had finally muscled his way out of Dick’s embrace as the latter’s attention focused on his youngest brother. “What launch are you talking about?” Dick asked, giving Cass a side hug.

“Oh, tonight is the release of this new VRMMORPG game called Mindscape!” Tim practically bounced as Dick came over to give him his hug too.

Dick gave Barbara a confused glance. “I know some of those words,” he nodded slowly. “So what’s got you so excited? Video games come out all the time.”

Tim rolled his eyes as he sat down beside Jason on the barstools. “Well yeah, but this game has groundbreaking virtual reality tech. Supposedly, the textures took five years and a team of almost 1000 artists.”

Jason put Tim into a headlock and said casually, “I’m surprised you haven’t heard replacement talking about this yet. He kinda won’t shut up about it.”

Cass nodded her head in solemn agreement while Tim struggled to get out of Jason’s grasp.

“Such are the woes of moving out.” Dick shrugged. “Sounds crash though, got room for one more?”

Tim finally shoved Jason off. “I actually bought enough passes that we can all play if you want,” he gave each of his siblings the biggest puppy-dog eyes he could manage.

Barbara snorted even as Dick pumped his fist in the air beside her. She wheeled herself up to the bar to pinch Jason, who was poised to jab his fingers into Tim’s sides. Jason yelped and glared at her as she said, “Sorry Timmy, I’d rather let someone else be the guinea pig for this new kind of tech. Besides, Dad will worry if I let myself get sucked into pouring too many hours into this.”

“Papa Gordon is a force to be reckoned with,” Dick attested earnestly. “Jay?” he prompted.

“Absolutely not,” Jason answered immediately. Tim was quick to protest. “But why? We could spend more time together! It’ll be good team-building.” Jason’s face soured at that.

Dick leaned in and stage-whispered, “Do I have to tell B to force you into family bonding? You know he’ll make you do it.”

Cass covered her silently laughing mouth with one hand as Jason threw his hands up in the air. “Fine, don’t get Bruce involved. I’ll play your stupid game,” he finally relented. Tim grinned at his win, then cast a hopeful look at Cass.

She pulled a face and signed No thank you. Better things to do than watch VR pornos.

Tim’s face blushed profusely as he opened his mouth to protest, but was cut off by Jason’s cackling. Even Alfred cracked a smile while he rolled the dough onto the ravioli press.

Once Jason quieted down, Tim crossed his arms and said, “Suit yourself. Looks like it’ll be no-girls-allowed anyway.”

“Guess we’d better tell Cassie that, Timbo,” Dick wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, which Tim elected to ignore.

“Speaking of suits,” Alfred said while seamlessly spreading filling in the ravioli and placing another sheet on top of the press, “aren’t you boys going to miss the premiere if it is indeed at midnight?”

Tim looked imploringly at the two girls. “You wouldn’t be willing to trade shifts for your favorite brother, would you?”

* * *

Wally West strolled out of the zeta tube and into the Justice League’s satellite, known to himself and the other heroes as The Watchtower. He was dressed in a casual NASA t-shirt and jeans, slurping a smoothie, and playing a game on his phone.

The sound of someone clearing their throat made him look up. He was greeted with the sight of his old team, Aqualad, Superboy, Miss Martian, Rocket, Zatanna, and Artemis, waiting impatiently. They were dressed in full hero attire-- he didn’t even realize Artemis still had her costume-- and looked to him expectantly.

“Hey guys, what’s poppin’?” Wally grinned and gave his friends a lazy chin jerk.

“‘What’s poppin’?’ Babe, are you serious? You told us to meet here ASAP for an emergency. So you can tell us what exactly is ‘poppin’.” Ah yes, his Spitfire. Artemis Crock still wasn’t afraid to give him a piece of her mind. But this time it looked like everyone else was on her side too, as they nodded in agreement with her emphatic air quotes.

“Oh, uh yeah, Mindscape is coming out tonight!” He set his smoothie down on the table. “I got us all passes and I’m super stoked for the launch. It’s got this super cool new VR tech that’s basically being released for the first time ever. I got the equipment through my internship, so we’re all set! You guys are totally coming right?” He made finger guns at his increasingly exasperated friends.

Artemis facepalmed. Kaldur’ahm raised his eyebrows in that I’m disappointed in you but I’m not going to say it way of his and said, “Wally, with you and Artemis retired from the life, understand that we took this to be a literal emergency and rushed to your aid. Do not abuse our good intentions.”

“Seriously West, I have a lot on my plate right now!” Rochelle Ervin was also, apparently, a little upset with him. “You could’ve said it was about a dumb game.”

The speedster tried to do damage control with some lighthearted humor. “Hey guys, stay whelmed. I get it, I probably should have given a few more deets about this very-much-not-dumb game, but do you know how many candy bars I had to eat to win these passes?”

“This is why you’ve been spending so much on junk food?” Oh, he was in big trouble with Artemis now. “You probably didn’t have to eat all of them, babe.”

M’gann M’orzz, Connor Kent, and Zatanna Zatara looked similarly annoyed. Well, the girls did. Connor just looked like his usual brand of annoyed, which was honestly a small victory.

“So...” Wally felt a little sheepish now, “who wants in?”

The rest of the group exchanged a look. Artemis was the first to speak up. “Well, you’ve already invested too much of our money in this to turn back now.” She walked up to him and poked a finger at his chest. “But you owe me so many dinners for this.”

He grinned triumphantly. “Deal!”

Rochelle spoke up next. “Me and my plate don’t need any more helpings, thank you very much. I’ll see y’all at the next team reunion!” She flew out through the zeta tube.

Kaldur clapped him on the shoulder. “If you need any assistance, I will be there. But for now I am running Atlantis in Aquaman’s stead while he is off-world, and I must return to my duties.” He then bid the rest of the team farewell and stepped through the zeta tube.

“Haha, he said ‘duties.’” Wally said once he’d left, then winced as Artemis smacked his arm lightly. Lightly for her. Rubbing his arm, he looked imploringly at his other friends.

M’gann and Conner looked deep in a telepathic conversation, which was just awkwardly intense eye contact for onlookers. Zatanna crossed her arms and sighed, “Fine, why not. I didn’t have plans for the weekend anyway. Lead the way to your chocolate factory, Charlie.”

Connor, having caught the tail end of the conversation, looked confused at the reference. He shrugged and said, “I’m in, could be fun.”

M’gann gave her friends an apologetic smile. “Sorry guys, my uncle needs help back on Mars. There’s tensions between the white and green martians again, and he really needs me there to get it under control.”

She gave Connor a peck on the cheek and left to board the nearby Bioship.

“And then there were four,” Wally said with a smile. “Now let’s go make you guys some avatars!”

* * *

Bart Allen could hardly contain his excitement. Scratch that, he couldn’t contain his excitement! “Bouncing off the walls” may be an exaggeration for most people, but he was not most people. Being the grandson of The Flash certainly had its perks, and being able to literally bounce off the walls was one of them.

The cause of his excitement, his friends Timothy Drake-Wayne and Wally West, had just called to ask if Bart wanted extra passes to the premiere of the biggest video game of the decade. And uh, yeah duh he wanted them! He already had one he’d bought for himself, but bringing four extra friends? So totally crash.

He opened up his phone and pulled up the group chat titled Badass Babes.

CrashBandicoot: hey bitchez n babez (u kno who u r), u ready 4 the best videogame of the yr to drop?!

BlueMenace: ese, do you HAVE to type like that?

WonderBabe: yea it’s super annoying

CrashBandicoot: gtta go fast babez

CrashBandicoot: now answer the question

GreenMenace: oh i heard about that! mindscape, right? isn’t it some vr game

CrashBandicoot: yes! nd i got extra tix, so come ovr to cave

GirlBoss: No can do, got research tomorrow!

MaleWife: you always have research bae. sorry little speedster, gotta drive the lady to work

CrashBandicoot: u guys r moding my night :(

BlueMenace: totally not a word but I’ve got you cariño, be there in an hour

WonderBabe: ah what the heck, I’ve got nothing better to do

GreenMenace: always down to whoop ur ass in video games

CrashBandicoot: u wish

CrashBandicoot: roy?

Ginger1 is typing...

WonderBabe: it’ll be fun! more ~mingling~ with kids our age

Ginger2: Hold on, give him some time

Ginger1 is typing...

BlueMenace: Roy, I can pick you up on my way in if you want

Ginger1 has stopped typing.

Ginger2: Um, he says he’ll meet you guys there

Ginger2: He may have destroyed his phone with his “non-typing” hand

GreenMenace: pog

WonderBabe: see u guys soon!

Bart pumped his fist, then ran at top speed to his boyfriend Jaime’s house, where it looked like he was doing homework. Seriously, on a Friday night? Bart had absolutely no qualms about whisking him into his arms and making for the nearest zeta tube.

“Woah Bart, I said I needed an hour!” Jaime protested.

Bart rolled his eyes. “Yeah, but you definitely don’t have anything due tonight, and we have to make your character online before the launch!”

Jaime just looked resigned as they sped into the zeta tube. He knew what he had signed up for.

#healing hands #jasonette #sword art online au #virtual reality #maribat #maribat fic #batfam #batfam fic #yj #yj fic #young justice #young justice fic

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spencerspecifics · 3 years

Note

What about a moried fluffy fic based on You Belong With Me by: Taylor Swift

You have no clue how much I absolutely love this song prompt thank u anon moreid is my shit here we go. (It is fluffy but it’s angsty in the beginning so yeah stay for the fluff thanks.) And I’m so sorry this took so long to get up! I took some time off from writing bc of lots of factors.

Lowkey TW?? Slight homophobia Bc Derek’s gf thinks he’s “too gay” even tho he’s just bi Also, song lyrics are in bold lettering. They’re going to be part the story here and there to help plot and whatnot so yeah!

———————————————————————

You Belong With Me

———————————————————————

Spencer had a problem. Namely a person problem. A Derek Morgan problem. Spencer didn’t hate Derek, quite the opposite, actually. Spencer was crushing hard on the man. And he couldn’t do anything. Spencer would rather lose his right hand then tell Derek how he felt about him, he couldn’t risk their friendship over his stupid little crush.

But just because he hid his feelings, ignored them through hell and high water- it didn’t mean they weren’t real, or weren’t there. They were both very real and apparent. Every time Derek called him ‘pretty boy’ or ‘genius’ or ‘handsome’, every time Derek wrapped his arm around him casually or did small things to showed him he cared, caused Spencer to blush and go speechless. Spencer was smart, but how to react to someone you’re infatuated with giving you attention, he’d never be able to solve that.

Time and time again, though, he found himself in situations where it was just him and Derek- and everything in his brain and body would scream at him to tell him how much he liked him, tell him how they should be together. It just made sense, after all.

Long paragraph short, here are the four times Spencer felt like they belonged together, and the one time Derek realized they do belong together.

“...You’re on the phone with your girlfriend, she’s upset. She’s goin’ off about something that you said, ‘cause she doesn’t get your humor like I do...”

Spencer hung out with Derek a lot, it was just by default. He wasn’t a social individual, but he pack bonded with the team. Spencer saw everyone there as his friends, so yeah, he hung out with Derek. They would go do things together, grab lunch, get coffee, meet up to go shopping. Painfully mundane tasks that were so domestic it could cause spencer another migraine if he thought about it for long enough.

It was on one of these mundane days when problems slowly arose. They were in the mall, sat in the food court. Spencer was looking over a new book he had just bought, it was a thick book on physics, it would probably take him a day or two at most to read it, his tray of food in front of him was still mostly untouched.

Unlike Spencer, Derek was eating. Though it was greasy mall pizza, it was still food. Derek decided he’d run a few extra miles to work it off as some sort of consequence for his action.

They sat in silence, Spencer already flipping through pages quickly, mouthing the words he was reading over to himself; and Derek chewing silently as he watched the genius in front of him.

That was, until, Derek’s phone rang. Breaking the ambiance that had surrounded the two. Spencer didn’t look up, he was too invested in the book in front of him. Derek reacted, though, wiping his hands off on a napkin before grabbing his cell phone out of his back pocket. He looked over the caller ID, it was Melissa.

Melissa was his newest fling, Spencer had heard bits and pieces of Garcia and Derek’s conversation surrounding the topic, but he knew the bare minimum- deciding best to not involve himself with how his crushes romantic life was soaring- meanwhile his was crashing.

Spencer didn’t know it was Melissa though, not until Derek pulled the phone up to his ear and said; “Hey, Melissa!”

If anyone on their team was with them and watching Spencer, they would have noticed the way his eyes looked off the book for a moment, up at Derek, before immediately turning back down; to reread the same page he didn’t need to reread because he could just go back into his memory to figure out what the words on the paper meant to say. But he had to reread the page. The strongest memory in the whole universe couldn’t tell him what was on the page in front of him, he was distracted.

Melissa on the other line started speaking. Derek listened before responding; “Oh, not much, Y’know- just at the mall with the doc.”

Spencer kept himself staring down at the book in front of him, even though he could feel the blush rising up to his ears. It was stupid that made him blush like a schoolgirl. But he couldn’t help it. So instead, he hid in the pages about quantum mechanics. Something real, something not confusing. Something that was pure and basic and understanding.

“No-“ Derek chuckled, “No, pretty boy ain’t that type of doctor,” god, this was going to be the death of Spencer. Pretty boy always was something that made him melt. He couldn’t help it, god knows he tried. He did all the distraction techniques he could find. None of them really worked.

Spencer opted to hide in his book more, act like he wasn’t listening to Derek. Even though he was. He was always hooked on every last word the man spoke, it always mattered. This was just a hopeless effort, Spencer realized, as he sunk down in the uncomfortable plastic chair.

“Now, what on earth are you- hey, baby- beautiful, what are you-“ Derek started, sounding concerned.

Spencer couldn’t help it at this point, he looked up over the top of the book. Derek was looking at his phone in bewilderment. It was no longer up to his ear.

“...Everything okay?” Spencer asked curiously after a moment. Derek just sighed setting his phone down on the table next to his food tray. “I don’t even know, man. I called you pretty boy and that made Melissa flip- she was all like ‘who’s pretty boy? We discussed you being bisexual already, you better not be changing up on me’. Then she hung up.”

“That doesn’t make sense.” Spencer replied, book still up between him and Morgan. “Yeah, I’m confused. It was a joke.” Derek explained to Reid, as if Spencer was ever owed an explanation regarding this.

“She must be insecure.” Spencer theorized plain and simple. Derek watched him curiously instead of asking anything to lead him on, “If she gets the idea that we’re a thing- just based on a nickname, then she’s gonna hate you and Garcia. You don’t need someone like that.”

Derek sighed, “You’re right. But I really thought she was great.” “Maybe she is,” Spencer shrugged, “I don’t know her. You do. All I’m saying is, she won’t like you and Garcia if she didn’t like my nickname.”

That elicited a chuckle from Derek, a sound Spencer always cherished in hearing. “Yeah, I can’t have someone hating my favorite boy wonder,” once again, Spencer could feel the blush coming onto his face. He was just hoping the lighting inside the mall food court didn’t make it all too obvious. “I’ll talk to her about it.” Derek decided. Spencer just nodded, not entirely wanting to talk right now.

“Yeah.. um, do what’s best.” Spencer agreed blandly. He wasn’t sure what else to say. And wasn’t this just laughable? Giving his crush dating advice? Spencer wasn’t stupid, but he was in this scenario.

“Yeah, I will. Anyways,” Derek continued the conversation casually, reaching out covering Spencer’s book with his hand. “What are you-“ Spencer started, confused. “Taking away your book. Eat before your food gets cold.” Derek spoke plainly, as if this was so obvious. He pulled Spencer’s book out of his grasp, setting it down next to himself; before pushing Spencer’s untouched tray of food in front of him.

“I’m not very-“ Spencer started, already trying to reach back for his book. Derek just shook his head, pulling the book closer to him. “Nuh-uh, not today. Not today. You’re eating. No if’s, and’s, or but’s.”

Spencer sunk down in his seat a little as he finally caved, agreeing and eating the mall food. Granted, it wasn’t great, but it was food, and he did need to eat. Last thing he had eaten that day was a granola bar for breakfast, and Derek knew that he forgot to eat.

He ate in silence as Derek watched him, before moving his gaze to casually watch the other mall patrons. It was so entirely stupid and domestic of them. It was nothing special, it wasn’t even that good of a memory. But for some reason, Spencer knew that was the first time he felt something new towards Derek. More new than just his crush. It was a new, overwhelming feeling of “I wouldn’t treat you that way” “I wouldn’t care if you called someone babygirl” “I would be better for you” before finally, his mind landed on, “you belong with someone who wouldn’t judge. Someone like me. You belong with me.”

That’s when Spencer knew he was fucked, more so than before.

“...I’m in the room, it’s a typical Tuesday night. I’m listening to the type of music she doesn’t like. And she’ll never know your story like I do...”

The second time was at Spencer’s apartment. He had complained about his bookshelf not being stable enough to hold all his books, and Derek had practically invited himself over; “C’mon, Reid. It’ll be good. Get some quality time without the ladies, we can order Chinese, plus I can show you how to fix your shelf so you don’t have to ask for help next time.”

So yeah, now they had gone directly from work to Spencer’s apartment- the only pit stop being to Derek’s house to pick up his toolbox, as Spencer didn’t have one.

Spencer wished he wasn’t such a pushover, because damnit, now he was gonna be in his apartment with Derek. That didn’t seem like a problem to anyone else, obviously- because they weren’t crushing hard on the guy. So Spencer just had to stand there and hide how much he liked Derek, and how at home Derek made his apartment feel- because it felt better with him there. He belonged there.

Spencer ignored his thoughts as they got into his apartment, he led Derek over to the problematic bookshelf in question. Some of the books had toppled off the shelves, and were on the ground below. “Damn, Reid, you don’t mess around with all these books.” Derek joked lightly as he looked over the immense amount of books Spencer had shoved onto the shelf; Derek squatted down, lowering the tool kit next to him as he started taking books off the shelves one by one so he could further inspect what was wrong with it.

Spencer protested, not understanding Derek was joking, “It’s not my fault- the bookshelf is supposed to hold books, if it can’t do what’s promised then that’s on the manufacturers error.”

Derek just chuckled slowly in response before replying, still pulling books off the shelves “Don’t worry, pretty boy, we’ll get this sorted out for you, alright? Just get some music on so we got something to hang to.” Derek wasn’t looking at Spencer, thank god- or he’d see how the genius got so flustered so quickly, how quickly a blush spread across his face, and how he immediately looked away from him, to the walls, the floor. To look at anything but Derek.

“Yes- right. Music.” Spencer changed his focus, he couldn’t think about how good it felt to be called a pet name by Derek. He couldn’t let himself think about it, or else he’d never stop. So he busied himself with getting some music to play through the quiet apartment, he turned over to his old radio that was sat on his study desk, it was a loud radio, that’s why he got it. It was compact, but if he put it in the bathroom he could hear it from the kitchen. It was the perfect device for him.

Spencer turned the radio on, the channel he always listened to was already tuned in, so he left it that way. Soft instrumental music started flowing out of the speakers, Derek stopped his motion of putting books down to turn and look at Spencer semi-curiously; “What’s this music?” “Classical.” Spencer replied easily, looking down at the radio as he messed with the volume dial that always seemed to be loose. “It’s on 88.1, they play strictly instrumental and classical pieces. It’s nice.”

Derek didn’t respond, Spencer didn’t need him to respond. It was an inconsequential conversation about music. If Derek didn’t like the station, he was more than welcome to change it to another. But he didn’t, it was Spencer’s apartment, and the soft classical music playing just seemed fitting to play there. Plus Derek just wanted the music as a background sound to help him focus, it wasn’t really important what it was- just that there was music playing.

Spencer went off to the kitchen to find the menu he had saved from the local Chinese restaurant that does deliveries, meanwhile Derek continued pulling books off the shelves. Melissa would hate him for being here, ever since the call at the mall, she was convinced Derek was going to leave her for him- or for another guy. She thought he was “too gay” to stay with her, obviously that’s not how him or his bisexuality works. But Melissa didn’t see it that way.

God, everything Derek saw, Melissa saw differently, it was ironic he was even with her. He saw Penelope Garcia as his best female friend, his babygirl. Melissa saw her as a threat, they had a whole argument about it. Melissa had finally stopped seeing Garcia as a threat when he told her that Garcia was wrapped up in Kevin drama. He wanted to tell Garcia about all of this, but he knew that if he did she would immediately tell him to dump her. Anyone that came between their friendship wasn’t allowed, and that wasn’t a rule Garcia had made up, it was more of an understanding they had come to about their dynamic as friends.

Derek just hadn’t dumped her yet out of fear. This was his first significant other in so long, it felt like a failure to start something and end it. He wanted to fix it. Though he knew it was unlikely he could, he still wanted to try.

Derek kept thinking as he finished pulling the books off until there were none left, he then pulled on the board of the shelf to see how unstable it was, all while continuing to think. He thought about Melissa, but none of it was really positive. It was all what she would hate about him being here, other than the obvious of being with Spencer (which she already disliked. She hated the genius and she hadn’t ever spoken to him, which Derek didn’t think was rational at all.) She would hate how Spencer’s apartment was, the green walls and shelves of books, the lack of a television, the soft glow from the lamps. Derek found every single last one of these qualities endearing, it helped show who Spencer was as a whole. Melissa would see it as a problem.

She’d say green was a gross color, that Spencer needed to be aware of pop culture and get a television, she’d say that Spencer didn’t get out enough and he lived like a hermit; she’d say the lighting was weird and dark, instead of soft and calming.

Derek let out a sigh, deciding to abandon his thoughts as a whole, because they were just starting to irritate him. Spencer was great the way he was, Melissa was being problematic; and him and her really needed couples counseling or something. That was the decision he landed on as he gave his full attention to the wiggly boards in Spencer’s bookshelf.

Derek pulled on the shelf again to test it’s strength. It was loose, pretty close to just falling down altogether. It was good he was here to fix it, Derek concluded, as he reached for the screwdriver in his toolkit.

The night continued on, Derek went through part by part, working on fixing Spencer’s bookshelf; meanwhile Spencer had ordered them dinner from the local Chinese place. Reid had thought about setting up the dinner at his kitchen table, before immediately regretting that idea. This was casual, it wasn’t some type of sit down dinner with Derek. That’s the last thing he needed, Spencer decided, as he walked over to Derek and handed him the carton of beef broccoli and a pair of chopsticks to go with.

Derek took them and put them down next to himself quickly, before pivoting into a sitting position on the floor and turning himself away from the bookshelf, facing exactly to the dinner table- which is where Spencer had opted to sit at, alone.

“What’re you doing all the way over there?” Derek’s spoke out to him. Spencer tried to be casual, “All my stuff’s over here, and it’s not that far from you,” he shrugged, hoping Derek wouldn’t go any deeper. But of course, he did. “And I’m over here, so bring your stuff my way- you’re gonna make your repairman eat sitting on the floor alone? That’s cold, man.”

Spencer rolled his eyes as he picked up his carton of orange chicken and rice, “Okay, I’m here.” He tried to sound like he was annoyed, instead of stupidly simultaneously happy and unhappy with derek’s request (happy because his stupid crush on Derek, unhappy because of the same, unfortunate reason).

He made his way over to Morgan, sitting down across from him and using the back of his couch as a makeshift chair prop to lean against. He opened up his food, as Derek was now satisfied with this series of events and had gone back to paying attention to his beef broccoli. Spencer picked up his fork, ready to eat and just ignore how he was feeling, when Derek spoke up again; “Seriously- you still don’t know how to use chopsticks?”

Suddenly, Spencer was giving Derek a glare that had no malice, while Derek just chuckled at Spencer’s fury. “I’m tellin’ you. You need to learn how to use chopsticks.” “It’s fine.” Spencer argued weakly, “No way, if suddenly all the forks, knives, and spoons vanished, you’d have to eat with chopsticks.”

“Not true if sporks are still a thing.” Spencer pointed out, “I’m gonna smack you.” Derek replied, now it was Spencer’s turn to laugh.

“...But she wears short skirts, I wear T-shirts, she’s cheer captain and I’m on the bleachers. Dreaming ‘bout the day when you wake up and find. That what you’re looking for has been here the whole time...”

The third time was when Spencer had resigned, accepting his feelings for what they were. He was now simply playing the waiting game, of waiting his crush out- because god knows he can’t go on like this forever. He hated how things have changed from a small crush into a serious never ending stream of thoughts he had whenever he was with Derek, but that’s how it was for him now.

He had ways to keep himself in check, though. As he always did. One was re-reading long old stories to himself from memory. It usually worked pretty well, and it was a good way to just pass the time in general.

Except for one, especially horrid time, when the FBI baseball team had a game against the CIA’s.

Spencer wasn’t playing, thank god for that. He wasn’t good at sports, though that one time he played baseball with Derek earlier in the season was a great memory he loved to go back to and remember. But that was a fluke, and he knew if he played again it wouldn’t go nearly as well.

Since he wasn’t playing, him and the rest of the team had come along to bring Morgan moral support from the sidelines of the bleachers. What Spencer hadn’t expected was Melissa showing up, too.

She showed up at the same time the team did to the field, they set up on the bleachers with some blankets and a basket full of snacks (courtesy of one Penelope Garcia.) and then she was suddenly walking over, surprising the team.

“Hi- um, are you Garcia? Is this the area for the BAU?” She asked, she had shoulder length brown hair, hazel eyes, and was wearing a flowy pink and yellow sundress. She was pretty, borderline beautiful, there was no denying that.

Spencer decided to start re-reading the books in his head by that point. He could already guess it was Melissa, as Rossi wouldn’t have invited a woman to this event until at least the ninth or eighth date (though with Rossi, Spencer never really knew how he operated in terms of dating, and he had no desire to know). Spencer also knew she wasn’t Hotch’s, as Hotch was too focused on Jack and the team to even consider dating.

Emily was single, and definitely would not invite a guy (or girl) to this either. J.J. was happy with Will, and Penelope had the on and off thing with Kevin. So yeah, Spencer deduced easily that this beautiful mysterious woman was Melissa.

The fact Derek invited Melissa rubbed Spencer the wrong way. But it wasn’t his business, he reminded himself, as he did his best to start focusing in on pride and prejudice in his mind.

Garcia began welcoming Melissa, even though it wasn’t necessary; “It is! And I am! Hi! Are you Melissa? Derek told me you were coming!”

Spencer did his best to not focus on Melissa, skipping forward a few chapters into pride of prejudice in his mind, to keep himself focused. He got pulled from his book though, as Melissa introduced herself and Garcia started introducing the team back;

“Well, grandpa over there is David Rossi,” “Easy, or else you won’t get those extra vacation days I offered you.” Rossi replied simply as hell, reaching for a bag of chips from the basket. “Fine- that esteemed gentleman right there is David Rossi.” “Better.” Rossi responded, a small grin showing across his face. Melissa laughed softly with Garcia and Rossi for a moment before Penelope continued on;

“That’s Aaron Hotchner, and his son Jack.” Garcia pointed them out, Jack was playing on his Nintendo DS, only looking up to wave briefly as Hotch reached over to shake Melissa’s hand. “Nice to meet you.” “You too.” She smiled at him.

“Those two lovely ladies are Jennifer Jareau and Emily Prentiss, plus Jennifer’s hubby Will and their adorable son Henry,” they all shook hands with Melissa, and J.J. briefly told her that it wasn’t necessary to call her “Jennifer” but instead “J.J.” as that was the name she was most used to.

“Then, we got Doctor beautiful brain, Spencer Reid.” Spencer looked up, giving Melissa a small wave, finally looking her head on. He had seen her, sure, but he hadn’t made eye contact with her until right now. And damn, she looked wild behind the eyes. And not in a good way. She was perky, seemingly almost as positive as Penelope. But that positivity didn’t reach her eyes. She looked Spencer up and down, and there was something deep in her gaze that made him want to get up and walk to the CIA side of the bleachers. It was clear he was going to have to walk on eggshells around her, and he wished he knew why.

“It’s nice to meet you.” Spencer offered up as a greeting, “You too,” Melissa replied, smiling as she turned on her polite charm again. It was only in her eyes he could see her distaste towards him. “I’ve heard so much about you.”

Melissa settled down, sitting next to the rest of the team as they waited for the game to start. She was thankfully seated near Emily, J.J., and Garcia. So Spencer and her’s conversation was limited.

That was until, he was brought up in conversation; “Oh geez- one of the funniest things was when Spence and Morgan got stuck in that elevator together,” J.J. recounted, causing all four of them to laugh; meanwhile Spencer didn’t react. He was still deep in his mind reading, and though he heard his name called, it didn’t cause him to want to stop.

“Yeah- I heard about that from Derek, he said Spencer spouted off some fact about people and elevator deaths because he was scared.” Melissa turned to Spencer as she spoke, giving him an in to speak. Spencer didn’t realize she had even turned to him, as he was fully focusing his brain power on the pages of the book he had read over before.

“Uh.. what’s he doing?” Melissa asked in a hushed voice to J.J., “Oh- he’s just reading. Spencer, hey.” J.J. said, leaning over and tapping his shoulder, finally catching his attention; causing him to open his eyes.

“Sorry- what?” Spencer finally spoke, as he was fully there and listening to them now, instead of somewhat ignoring them and focusing on a memory of a book.

“..J.J. said you were reading?” Melissa asked curiously, obviously confused. Spencer nodded, “Yes. I was. I have an eidetic memory so I can look back at anything I’ve ever read. So sometimes I go back and read books I’ve read before.” Spencer explained awkwardly, “I do it to, uh, pass the time.”

“Hm.. that’s.. that’s cool. Derek mentioned you were smart, recounting lots of facts.” Melissa said slowly, it seemed like she was trying to gain some sort of edge in the conversation, but thankfully Emily butted in casually- not realizing the odd atmosphere that was slowly building.

“Oh yeah- Reid’s always doing that. Talk to him on Halloween and all he talks about is how paganism played a major role in the now very American, very non-pagan holiday.” The girls laughed on innocently as Melissa gained a serious look in her eye again.

“You know everything?” She asked him, “No.” he replied, he was self assured in this field, he knew how to handle himself when people were doubting his intelligence level. “I just know a lot.” He clarified.

Melissa looked like she was ready to speak, say something to him- he had no clue if it would be good or bad. But everyone’s attention got redirected on the whooping sounds both teams made as they entered the field. The game was starting.

Spencer had stayed focused on the game, even running statistics and probabilities in his head on who would come out victorious. Rossi made a joke they should bet on the game like people do on horses, and he’d just cheat and use Reid to make sure he won.

The rest of the team didn’t go for that, as they would employ the same strategy as Rossi, and Spencer was smart enough to give them all the wrong answers so he would actually win.

It was now the third inning, J.J. had gone with Hotchner and Will to take a short walk with the kids, as they were getting bored in their seats. Rossi went off to flirt it up with the older woman who was running the concessions stand, and Emily and Garcia had gone off to the bathroom together.

Now it was just Melissa and Reid alone, and Reid didn’t like her company. He didn’t mean it in a rude way, but also maybe he did- for his very stupid and very personal reason that she was actively dating his crush. But besides that reason, she seemed off, and on a team of behavioral analysts, he couldn’t be the only one who noticed.

There was something wrong with her, but Spencer couldn’t place his finger on what. That was, until, she sat down next to him on the bleachers. “So,” she started casually, “what’re you reading up there?” “Pride and Prejudice.. have you read it?” Spencer replied, doing his best to make polite conversation.

Melissa shook her head, “No, way too long of a book for me.” Spencer just nodded, an “Ah” sound escaping his lips before their conversation entirely diminished as they sat in silence, watching the CIA’s team line up for batting.

Derek was on second base, and while he waited for the CIA team to finish lining up, he turned to the only two people still on the bleachers and waved. Melissa waved in response excitedly, “Go Derek!” She shouted for good measure, Reid on the other hand just gave a small wave to him.

Their personalities were very different, Spencer gathered.

“Derek helped you with a bookshelf the other week, right?” Melissa asked after silence had settled over them, and Reid had almost returned to his brain book. Her question stopped him from reading, though.

Spencer nodded, “Uh, yeah. He helped fix my bookshelf, the boards were all wobbly and books couldn’t stay on.” Melissa hummed in response for a moment, before looking back out to the field. Derek was now busy talking to a teammate, a guy Spencer recognized from the terrorist division.

“Look, Spencer,” Melissa finally spoke again, letting out a sigh before she continued on; “We both know Derek is an attractive man, a great man. But he’s my man. I don’t need you confusing him and making him switch sides- believe me, I want to think that you two are just the best of friends and that’s it. But I don’t believe it, not for a second, especially not after hearing how he talks about you, and finally meeting you.”

Spencer stayed quiet, not looking at Melissa, instead opting to stare at his hands, that were now firmly clasped together as he took in what she was saying. “We are just friends, though..” Spencer finally spoke up in a weak defense for himself. Melissa just chuckled, their pleasant conversation had somehow turned to her speaking to him in a sickly sweet malicious tone.

“I don’t think you are. I think there’s something more, and I don’t want things to go any further- with either of you.”

Spencer stayed quiet again, seriously considering exiting the bleachers and getting a cab (as the team had carpooled over to this event together.) and just leaving, going back to his apartment and faking the stomach flu for a day and a half. It seemed so appealing to just disappear right now.

Melissa continued on after she realized Spencer wasn’t going to say anything. “I’m not trying to be the bad guy here, Spencer. You seem very kind, and smart. You told me earlier you don’t know everything, but you know a lot,”

Spencer nodded, that was true, he had said that, she kept going; “I hope you now know where your place is. Away from Derek. And I hope you know you aren’t alone with me talking to you, I would be telling Penelope Garcia the same exact thing, except she has a boyfriend, Kevin. Derek told me. So you’re the only single one who poses a problem. I hope we can be friends- but you need to back up.”

And that was all, she got up and moved away, and just in time as Emily and Garcia made their reappearance from the bathroom and onto the bleachers.

Spencer stayed frozen, however. Not really sure what he could say or do. All he knew now is that he had a very good reason to dislike Melissa. And he did, as much as he hated to admit it. He disliked Melissa, he wanted her gone. He didn’t want her and Derek together.

He was now only more sure that he would treat Derek better, he wouldn’t go around threatening his friends- he couldn’t even imagine that as something he would ever want to do.

Spencer stayed, shrunken on the bleachers as he watched the team play, staying quiet and reserved while Melissa and the rest of the team cheered.

Spencer just hoped Derek figured out that Melissa wasn’t good for him sooner than later, or else he’d never get out of the relationship scratch-free.

“Walkin’ the streets with you and your worn out jeans. I can’t help thinking this is how it ought to be. Laughin’ on the park bench thinking to myself, ‘hey isn’t this easy?’. And you got a smile that could light up this whole town. I haven’t seen it in a while since she brought you down. You say you’re fine I know you better than that. Hey, whatcha doing with a girl like that?”

Since Spencer’s unfortunate encounter with Melissa, he had done his best to steer clear of Derek. Only being with him when necessary (and they were only really together for work, though for the few latest times that Derek’s invited him out to get food or see a movie, Spencer’s declined).

Derek had subtly caught notice, wondering why Reid had been declining his invitations. At first he thought it was because Reid was busy, he was somehow also getting a bachelors degree in philosophy at the moment, it made since if he had limited free time.

But then he did more thinking, and even if reid was busy- he always made time for Derek. Morgan knew that for a fact, because every time he needed help (work related or not) Spencer was there, and ready to assist. Even if Reid was studying, the kid read so fast he only needed to read something once to remember everything. So it didn’t make sense. Not at all. Spencer was avoiding him.

So why? Derek now had to get alone with Reid, he needed to see what this was about.

And Derek got his chance, after solving a case in the sleepy city within Maine, called Rangeley. The teams plane was having a malfunction issue with a part of the engine, so they were stuck there for an extra day. Unfortunate for everyone else, but a blessing in disguise for Derek. It was the perfect time for the team to hang together, maybe get some meals or see a movie. But Derek set up a plan.

Morgan knocked on Spencer’s door the morning they had nothing to do, with his plan already getting set in motion. This was step one, of many.

Reid responded in his own special fashion, opening the door a crack to look out at Derek and into the hall, his hair looked messy, he was still slightly bleary eyed- and he was still in his pajamas and mismatched socks. He had just woken up.

“Sorry, did I wake you?” Derek asked, he didn’t want to start this morning off on Reid being rudely awoken. Reid nodded as he opened the door more, stepping forward the slightest bit. “Yeah, but it’s okay. What’s going on?” Reid was already aware of the plane situation, the whole team had been told last night, which forced Derek into making this last minute plan.

“Nothing- the team doesn’t have anything to do. Wanna go get breakfast?” Derek asked, trying to phrase his words and himself casually. He didn’t want Reid to get suspicious and back out. He just wanted answers from his best friend, that’s all.

Spencer rubbed the sleep out of his eyes before responding. “Okay, yeah. Let me go get changed.”

They arrived at an Ihop. It wasn’t anything special, but it was the nearest breakfast place to the hotel, so it worked for them. They were greeted by a hostess who showed them to a booth.

Spencer didn’t know why he agreed this this, he shouldn’t have. But in his half-awake and still somehow sleep deprived mind, breakfast seemed like a good idea. A great idea, in fact. But he now was anxious again. He didn’t want to deal with Melissa, call him scared, nonconfrontational, weak- whatever. He just didn’t want to have to deal with her. He enjoyed hanging out with Derek, but he knew if he did then it would be inevitable that he would end up facing her wrath again.

Almost immediately after the hostess showed them to their booth, their waiter appeared to take their orders. “Goodmorning, what can I get started for you two?” The older gentleman, whose name tag simply read “John” asked them.

“Just some coffee, please.” Derek ordered for the both of them. He knew what Spencer would want to order, and he also knew how bad Spencer was at conversing with people he wasn’t familiar enough with. John just nodded, saying a quick; “Comin’ right up!” Before walking off to leave them alone.

“Is the rest of the team coming?” Spencer asked as he stifled a yawn with his hand. Derek shook his head, “No, they all wanted to sleep in. Lucky I dragged you out of bed, though.” He joked, hoping to lighten the mood in the room. Spencer just smiled sheepishly for a moment before looking back down at the table.

They stayed quiet, which wasn’t unusual for the two, especially considering they were both still tired. But Derek didn’t want there to be silence, he wanted to talk about what was going on. “Reid-“ he started, but before he could continue his sentence, John was standing by the table with a pot of coffee. Derek and Spencer both wordlessly pushed their mugs over towards John, watching him fill them up with coffee in silence.

John finished pouring and stepped back, “I’ll give you folks some more time before ordering.” Derek just nodded at him, “That would be great, thank you.” And with that, their waiter was gone.

Reid was now focused on his mug of coffee, grabbing some sugar packets from the container on the table and ripping one open after another, before finally pouring it into his coffee. “How many sugars you plan on putting in there?” “Two.” “You’re already ripping open a third packet, Reid.”

“Oh.” Was all he said in response, Derek sighed, Spencer wasn’t acting right; he hadn’t for a while but this morning was peak Reid-being-weird, so Derek needed to take a stronger approach; “Reid. What’s wrong?”

“Hm? Nothing’s wrong.” Spencer said all too quickly to be believable. Derek rolled his eyes, watching the tired genius grab a spoon and stir his coffee with an intensity he never normally used. “That doesn’t work on me, man. We’re all profilers. I know when something’s up.” Spencer stayed quiet, still stirring his coffee with the spoon.

Reid didn’t want to be in this situation. He knew he should’ve hidden himself better, said and acted in different ways. Derek knew something was up, and Spencer couldn’t hide it forever. Especially not from him. He hated lying to Morgan.

“So..” Spencer spoke quietly, “What do you think is up?” Derek rolled his eyes at Spencer again, “Don’t talk to me like an unsub trying to stall. Somethings wrong. Did I do something- was it something I did or said?” Spencer put his spoon down as he watched Derek.

“I gotta be honest, Reid. I don’t know what’s going on here. We used to hangout so much, and suddenly you’re giving me the cold shoulder. I thought it was because of your studies- but you’ve done written whole thesesis while we’ve hungout. So it’s not you being busy with school. You make time. Why isn’t there any time now?” Derek kept going, voice raising in intensity as he got to the end.

Spencer wanted to say something, he wanted to say something so bad. But he didn’t know what. So instead he took a sip of his not-sweet-enough coffee. Derek watched him as he did so, intensity not wavering.

Spencer put the mug back down onto the table before he finally found his words, “It’s not you. You didn’t do anything.” “So what is it?” Morgan asked him almost instantly. Spencer sighed, he didn’t want to say it was Melissa. He couldn’t, he didn’t want to make Derek feel bad, he thought Derek was happy with her. He didn’t want to ruin that, even if Melissa was terrible. Derek was seemingly glad, and Spencer didn’t want him changing from positive to anything else (except somehow maybe more positive.)

“It’s nothing.” “It’s definitely not nothing, Reid. Please tell me.” Derek pried more. He couldn’t let this go. Spencer sighed, a weak sign of defeat. “Okay- but. I’m sorry. This involves Melissa.” He admitted, looking up to see Derek had a confused expression on his face. “What about her?” “When we went to the baseball game a few weeks ago and met her. She was really pleasant at first, but as soon as we were alone on the bleachers together she told me that I needed to stop being so close with you. And it really freaked me out, she saw me as a threat.”

Derek leaned back in the booth bench, unsure of what to do. “What did she say?” Derek finally asked after a moment, deciding he wanted to know what Melissa said to Spencer in full to make him act like this. Spencer didn’t deserve to be treated this way, he just didn’t. “I’m not going to-“ Spencer started, Derek just cut him off, “Yes you will. I know you remember what she said. So tell me. Please.”

Spencer fidgeted with the handle of the mug, “Okay, okay.. she said that you were her man and then she said, ‘I don’t need you confusing him and making him switch sides’...” Spencer spoke once more after that, before he could forget, “She also, um.. she said she would tell Garcia the same thing, except she didn’t because she knew she was with kevin.”

Derek stayed quiet, looking at Spencer before looking back down at his mug of coffee. Spencer stayed quiet, he didn’t know what he could say or do right now to make this better.

“I’m sorry.” Spencer finally decided to speak after it had been silent for a few minutes. “I didn’t want to tell you because you-“

Derek held his hand up as a simple gesture, indicating Spencer should be quiet. Spencer hushed up quickly, watching Morgan, who was sitting silently still, staring down with an intensity that could burn stronger than the sun. He stood up after a moment, pulling out his wallet and putting two twenty dollar bills down on the table, in front of Spencer. “For the coffee. Get some breakfast, too. I need to go.” “Derek, I-“ Spencer started, standing up, he wasn’t gonna leave Derek alone, especially to process this large amount of information. but he had started walking away, back turned to reid- leaving him alone at the booth. He wasn’t going to come back, and as much as Spencer wanted to follow him and never leave his side- he could tell he should leave him alone, at least for now.

After that whole experience, Spencer didn’t stay to get breakfast. He finished his coffee, paid, and left quickly. Deciding Derek needed space, and he wasn’t sure what else he could do, so he tucked tail back to the hotel. He lied to himself, saying maybe he could nap or watch T.V and ignore his imploding thoughts.

He couldn’t ignore his imploding thoughts, if that wasn’t painstakingly obvious. Spencer’s mind reeled from every aspect of their breakfast, to how he was curt and almost rude to Derek- he now wished he hadn’t been, but how else could he have acted? He didn’t know. He hated how things had went. He should’ve lied and told Derek he didn’t have the time for breakfast.

So, when Spencer finally got the hotel, he sat and thought and waited, waited for any sounds outside of his hotel door. Derek’s room was directly across the hall from his. So he waited for the sounds of the door opening, the beeping of the keycard, the sound of footsteps that were muffled by the soft carpet. Anything that would show Derek was back, back close to him, close enough to him for a conversation again. Because he knew that they needed to talk.

Spencer was counting. One hour and eighteen minutes passed before he heard any sounds of life that would match what he was waiting for. Namely, he heard the footsteps approach by his door, and then the beep of the keycard. And finally, the door opening and shutting quickly. Derek was there, he was back, Spencer got off his perch on the bed in record speed, exiting out to the hall and crossing quickly.

He was about to knock on the door, hand raised in the air, before he slowed himself down. Was this too much? What if Morgan didn’t want to talk to right now? What if Derek thought he was lying and was mad? Oh god, that terrified Spencer. He hoped Derek knew he wasn’t lying, he could run any behavior test he wanted to, but he wouldn’t lie to Derek. Not now, not ever.

Spencer still had his hand raised in the air, standing directly in front of the door. If Derek thought he was lying, he would prove he wasn’t. Nothing mattered right now, Spencer decided as he took a deep breath and knocked on the door.

Spencer heard movement from inside the room, before Derek opened the door. He looked stressed, the lines in his face were hard set, this was how he looked when he dealt with an unsub. This isn’t how he should be looking on a day off. Derek said nothing as he looked at Spencer, “Can we talk?” Spencer asked him after it was clear Derek wasn’t going to start talking.

Derek nodded. Wordlessly opening the door more, and stepping back to allow Reid inside. He stepped in, Derek’s room was a mirror copy of Spencer’s, simple and small. He had his duffel sat on the floor by the small twin bed provided by the hotel.

Reid stood in the room, Derek moved past him to sit down on the edge of the bed as Spencer messed with some loose thread on his jacket, “I, um... I got your change..” Spencer started, reaching into his pocket and pulling out the wad of cash and coins. He wasn’t sure what to say now that he was inside Derek’s room. He wasn’t sure what he was expecting, so he wasn’t sure how to prepare. Derek wasn’t acting like himself, so he didn’t know what would work.

Spencer went to hand it back to him, “Reid, no.” Derek started, causing Spencer to stop in his tracks, holding the money in silence.

“You didn’t come here for that.” Derek motioned to the money with his hand. “No. I didn’t.” Spencer mumbled awkwardly, shoving it back into his jacket pocket, the coins clinking together all too loudly for his liking.

“I’m sorry.” Derek sighed after a moment, “I shouldn’t have ran off like that. It’s just- I couldn’t believe what you were saying.” Spencer nodded, he wanted to say so much to Derek. He wanted to say, “I swear on my mother I am not lying”, he wanted to say “I’m sorry, I should have stayed quiet” he wanted to say “I care about you so much and I don’t want to see you walk away, I don’t want to lose you”. But Spencer couldn’t talk, he wasn’t sure what would come out if he spoke.

“I, uh, I called Melissa.” Derek told him, “After I left. I called her, I asked her if she said that to you, and she said she didn’t say it like that,” He took a breath before continuing on, “I asked her what she meant, because she wasn’t denying what she said. She just was saying the wording was off.”

Spencer found his small, awkward voice, deciding to look down at the floor instead of Derek. He was scared of what he would see. “What did she say the wording was?” He asked Derek, “She said she was harsher than that, told you to back off. Then she tried to explain herself, as if any of what she did was acceptable and could be fine under the disguise of caring for your significant other.”

“Reid, look at me. Please.” Derek sighed, not continuing whatever else he was going to say. Spencer finally looked up to meet his eyes. Derek just looked tired, leaning awkwardly on the couch, as he kept his gaze on Spencer.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to cause this.” Spencer apologized, he had no clue if he needed to. But it felt like what he had to do.

“No, don’t.” Derek shook his head, as if to knock the apology out of his brain. “Thank you for telling me. Thank you. The red flags were there, Reid. And there were so many. I was just ignoring them.”

Spencer stayed quiet, watching Derek as he admitted this out loud; “I just- I wanted to make it work. But the fact she said that to you, and was gonna tell garcia, I just-“ Derek shook his head again, a mixture of defeat and anger simultaneously now instead of a signal for reid to stop.

“It upset me. I couldn’t believe it. So I called her and that happened and... and...” Derek trailed off, sighing simply as if that was the end of the sentence.

“...You broke up?” Spencer asked carefully, not wanting to misjudge. Derek nodded, rubbing his face with both hands. He was stressed. Spencer could tell.

“We did. It’s for the best. I can’t be dating someone who is like that. Especially not to you, or Garcia. That’s the biggest deal breaker out there.” Derek spoke, he was still serious but he was also sort of joking in a way to help calm the atmosphere down.

Spencer didn’t respond right away, instead moving to sit down on the edge of the bed, a few feet away from Morgan to give him plenty space. Derek didn’t like that, pulling on Spencer’s hand and motioning him to sit directly by his side.

Spencer complied, but cursed his face for causing a blush to form. This wasn’t the time to savor the feeling of Derek’s strong grip on his hand. It wasn’t.

Spencer was now sat down next to Derek, he wasn’t sure what else to say, so he stayed quiet. But he knew he didn’t want to leave Derek’s side now. He needed to be here. It couldn’t be easy for Derek.

“I’m sorry I left you at the restaurant.” Derek spoke after a while of them sitting side by side. “It’s okay,” Spencer told him, Derek gave him a sideways glance that proved he didn’t believe what he was saying.

“I didn’t end up having breakfast, though. I was worried.” Spencer admitted. Derek let out a low chuckle, and god, Spencer loved that sound. When was the last time he heard it? It used to be as common as hearing traffic in downtown Quantico, but as of lately; he hadn’t heard it often. Spencer knew in the back of his head, it was probably Melissa. Small things had changed with Derek during their time of dating.

First, it was calling Spencer “pretty boy”, and Garcia “baby girl”. Derek stopped saying it, and as much as garcia was worried about him, Derek had assured her he was okay. (Spencer didn’t mind the nickname stopping, as he finally didn’t have to come up with an excuse every time he blushed in front of the team when Derek would call him that.)

But then, Derek showed up to work looking tired, and sure- the job took long hours and restless nights and way too many coffee breaks. But he looked like he was losing that energy in his eyes. The excitement that made him join the team. He had told Spencer it was originally he missed Melissa. But now, Spencer was second guessing that.

Things had slowly changed with Derek, so small that Spencer didn’t even notice fully. But if you looked at all the reasons why he changed, it could be tied back to Melissa.

Good riddance. Spencer thought to himself. In ordinary situations, he would hate to think that, but today he didn’t; as he heard Derek’s soft, low chuckle. He didn’t want to ever stop see Derek being himself. He wouldn’t stop him from anything, he knew he wouldn’t. All he would want to do is care about him, kiss him, fall asleep in his arms, have a nice dinner with him- things a real boyfriend would do.

He would let Derek be himself, he wouldn’t stop him from working, he wouldn’t want to fight, he wouldn’t want to play games, and god knows he wouldn’t stop Derek and Garcia flirting. That’s what kept them happy, together, and secure.

“I’m sorry you guys broke up, but if it’s any consolation. You belong with someone better.” Spencer admitted, not adding on the last part he always wanted to say. If he could say it, lord knows he would. But he couldn’t tell Derek they belonged together. He sounded insane.

Derek softy bumped shoulders with him in an act of thanks, “Thank you. Now c’mon, let’s go get you some real breakfast, pretty boy.” He said as he stood up, the blush immediately rushed back into Spencer’s face. God, that name would be the death of him. He was seriously going to die like this.

“You still got my change? ‘Cause you’re paying.” Derek joked with him as he turned to pull on his coat, “It’s your money, why don’t I give it back to you?” Spencer asked him, the conversation now changing to a much lighter tone. Derek shrugged, “You paying a cashier will help your people skills. Now c’mon, I saw a good restaurant with outdoor seating that’s by a garden. You can give me plant facts while we eat.”

“...Oh, I remember you driving to my house in the middle of the night. I’m the one who makes you laugh when you know you’re ‘bout to cry. And I know your favorite songs and you tell me ‘bout your dreams. Think I know where you belong, think I know it’s with me...”

Derek’s growing love for Spencer Reid was so slow he didn’t realize it until it was bursting out of his chest. It wasn’t obvious, it wasn’t, at least not to Derek. But suddenly it was everything Spencer did, it had his attention and captivated his thoughts. If Spencer was rambling about something, Derek would listen. Even if he didn’t care, even if he was tired, or hungry, or even mad.

To put it simply, it was every single thing that Spencer had ever done for him, suddenly making Derek feel something. It was every little funny thing Spencer did, it was every factoid he spat out to the team at the round table, it was how he was there for everyone in less than a second if needed, it was how Spencer complained about modern television, it was how Spencer grumbled in his sleep when they had to wake him up to get off the team’s jet after a long case. It was everything.

Every one of those instances just made something inside Derek squirm. Before, when Derek was dating Melissa- he was able to hold that feeling at bay. But it had now been months since his and Melissa’s breakup, and he had nothing to stop his mind from thinking about Reid, so the feelings and thoughts about the genius only grew stronger.

He thought about him nonstop. About how Reid was precious, amazing, handsome, smart, and god- he was borderline perfect. And what had originally started as a small inkling feeling inside of him was growing, growing into something almost unmanageable. It took everything in Derek not to just lean over and grab the genius’ hand as he was waving it around when speaking about something he was passionate about, and holding it tightly.

It was getting worse, day by day it was hell at work. But it was the best suffering in the world. Seeing Spencer sat at his desk, deep in thought as he typed reports out, along with emailing scientists and doctors on the side. God, Reid was an absolute genius. Morgan wasn’t sure if he could easily get over that fact anymore as he used to. Now Spencer’s smarts had more meaning, and he wasn’t sure why.

Spencer’s smarts always mattered, and definitely came in handy for the team, saving their asses more than once. But now, his IQ level was something Derek caught himself almost worrying about.

Spencer wouldn’t ever say it, but what if he thought Derek was stupid? The brawn to his brain. Nothing more than a dude to tackle the bad guys and handcuff them down. What if Spencer thought he wasn’t a good person, a good friend?

Now, along with the growing admiration, he also had growing fear. Derek was now going back and forth between doubting himself and wanting nothing more than pulling Spencer into a janitors closet and kissing him until they needed air.

Yeah, Derek was screwed. Work was painful. But he wouldn’t stop, he couldn’t. Even if he wanted to, he kept going along, because every day he saw Reid that feeling inside him only grew, and he didn’t have the willpower to stop it, and even if he did- he probably couldn’t. This was the strongest he had ever felt in a long time. It would take an army to stop how he felt (and even then, he might still beat the army).

The night it all went down wasn’t what derek intended it to be, he was pretty much planning on hiding his crush on reid to the grave, not admitting it to anyone ever about how he felt. Because as Derek saw it, Spencer was too smart for him. Definitely out of his league.

Because in Morgan’s mind, how dumb could he be? He had been slowly falling in love with his best friend, all while not even realizing it- and dating someone who was absolutely horrid during that entire process. It was enough to make him smack his head against his wall.

Derek was working late the night it happened, going over this same dilemma in his head as he finished up the last of his reports to turn over to Hotch.

Nothing was happening in the bullpen, and for the first time in forever, Spencer had left before the work day ended. He had been complaining of a stomachache, and Rossi had smartly deduced he was sick, and even though Reid didn’t want to leave- the team all but kicked him out the door, telling him he wasn’t any good working when feeling like vomiting.

Derek had missed him since he left, he felt stupid admitting that, but it was the plain and simple truth. His days were just better with Reid, and there was no other explanation than that. As stupid as it was, Derek had come to agree with that fact a while ago, and now it was just normal, him missing Reid. But thankfully Reid didn’t leave often enough for it to be bad.

That being said, Derek still worried. Deciding to call Reid, it was only 7 p.m., after all. Surely Reid was still awake.

His cell phone ringed as Derek held it up to his ear, twirling his pen absentmindedly between his index and pointer finger as he waited for Spencer to answer.

And he did, he sounded groggy, but he answered; “Hello?” “Hey, Reid.” Derek spoke, a small stupid smile creeping its way into his face. “How are you feeling?” He asked, he heard Spencer shuffling on the other end of the line, then the faucet running.

“I’m okay... just really dizzy now, so I got myself some water.” “Did you eat enough today?” Derek asked him, changing tones from a concerned friend to something more.

“Yes, I did. You don’t need to worry about my eating.” Reid said simply, he wasn’t the type of guy who liked being watched over. Derek understood why, but this was still necessary.

“Reid, c’mon now. When was the last time you ate?”

“11:23 a.m., Garcia gave me a muffin.” Spencer admitted after a beat of silence, “Reid, you’ve been not eating for almost eight hours- no wonder you felt so sick, man!” Derek said into the phone as he stood up, shrugging his jacket onto his shoulders, deciding to leave now. The reports were almost done, anyway.

“Well, I’m not hungry so it’s fine..” Reid argued weakly in response, “Oh no, no. Don’t even, Spencer. I’m getting you food and taking it to your place. Now go lay down and take some tylenol, drink that water you got.”

Spencer huffed weakly, but made no move to argue or protest Morgan inviting himself over. “Fine. Please get me chicken noodle soup.”

As agreed, Derek got Spencer some chicken noodle soup from a great nearby deli Spencer had told him about a while ago. Derek was proud of himself for this choice in food, even if Spencer had requested soup, he hadn’t requested where. And Derek felt smart for remembering one of Spencer’s favorite places.

Derek arrived to Spencer’s apartment, the door was left unlocked so he came in, carrying the container of soup in both of his hands, so he pushed the front door shut gently with his foot.

“Hey, Reid. I’m here,” he called out into the apartment, as he made his way to the bedroom, finding a sleeping Spencer on the bed, covered in a few miscellaneous blankets to keep him warm.

Derek sat the container of soup onto the nearby bedside table, next to spencer’s near empty water glass, before looking down at reid.

Spencer was perfect, regardless if he was awake or asleep. But asleep he was so peaceful, so calm. Derek could so easily keep Spencer safe from everything in his sleep, hold him in his arms and help ground him. He knew Spencer got nightmares, everyone on the team did. But he knew if he was there, he could help, he could make it better.

Spencer was breathing softly, his face looked slightly flushed, and his hair was all over the place, some strands had fallen onto his face directly, which Derek gently pushed out of the way to get a better look at Spencer.

“Mmm..” Spencer mumbled in his sleep, a response to Derek touching him, Derek took a sharp breath in. God, he wanted to just tell Spencer right now he felt, he so badly did. And Spencer was asleep, what was stopping him? He could say it and Spencer wouldn’t remember. Because unlike conscious Spencer, unconscious Spencer didn’t remember things.

So before his brain could catch up to his body, he did. “I love you.” He told Spencer softly, it was barely above a whisper. It was so quiet he was sure Spencer didn’t hear it at all, but it was just Derek’s unfortunate luck that Spencer started to stir.

“Hm?” He asked, sitting up slowly, Derek pulled his hand away from where he had tucked the strand of hair away.

“I said, I brought you soup.” Derek lied easily, hoping that “I love you” and “I brought you soup” were interchangeable sounding sentences. Spencer just nodded, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes slowly as he turned to look at the container on his bedside table

He didn’t suspect anything, Derek let a breath of relief out internally as Spencer reached for the container. “It didn’t come with a spoon, so I’ll go get you one.” Derek told him, getting up to go back into Spencer’s kitchen and grab a spoon from the silverware drawer.

When Derek came back, Spencer was more awake, holding the container of soup in his hands expectantly as he waited. Derek handed him the spoon wordlessly, before sitting down on the bed next to Spencer. “How are you feeling?” Derek asked him, as Spencer hadn’t tried out the soup yet (he was waiting for it to cool a bit more.) “Tired- sorry I left, by the way.” Reid responded slowly, he still felt the tiniest bit groggy.

Derek shook his head, “No Reid, don’t apologize. Are you feeling any better?” Spencer nodded slowly in response, starting to stir the soup to help it cool down. Derek watched him, the soft light from the only lamp on in the room casted off shadows throughout the walls and onto Spencer. He looked beautiful, even if he was wearing pajamas and his hair was messy and he was stirring his soup while half awake.

To Derek, he looked perfect. And once again, Derek’s body moved too fast for his brain to catch up with. He was suddenly talking; “Reid, can I tell you something?” He asked the tired genius, who just nodded and gave an “Mhm” sound in return as he continued to stir his soup.

Derek breathed in, he couldn’t go back. It was now or never. He turned to face Spencer, and if he hated him after this, so be it.

“I was an idiot, Spencer. When I was with Melissa, searching for a good moment to stay happy about was rare. But the entire time I’ve known you, everything’s been a good moment. Every opportunity I’ve had with you has let me grow and become smarter, and a better person..” he took a second to look back at Spencer, who was now looking at him with an expression he couldn’t read.

“But I’ve still been stupid. Because the entire time I was with her, I only looked forward to being with you. I missed the best thing right in front of me, and I hope you know that I am not normally this dense... but..” this was the hardest part of his whole speech, how the fuck was he supposed to admit something like this?

“But,” he started again, “I like you, Reid. I really like you. This entire time I was chasing the wrong person and following dead leads, like a rookie on a new case. But I realize the only person that makes me feel anything is you- and... I think, I- no. I am. I am falling for you. And I don’t even know if you like guys but-“ It was by this point Spencer put his soup down back on his bedside table, the soft sound shut Derek up easily.

“You’re falling for me?” Spencer asked, just simply clarifying what he had said. Morgan nodded, standing by it. “Yes. I am.”

Spencer breathed out a sigh of relief, something Derek hadn’t expected him to do. “You aren’t stupid... I- um. I’ve been falling for you too.”

That made Derek light up instantly, “You have?” Spencer nodded sheepishly, staring down at his fingernails instead of Derek. “I wasn’t expecting you to...” Spencer mumbled, as if that was a sufficient enough explanation on his part on why he was relieved and surprised.

“It just snuck up on me. I can’t get you out of my head, you’re all I want.” Derek admitted, more brashly than he would’ve liked to phrased things. But that didn’t seem to bother Spencer at all, as he started to lean forward slowly, Derek leaned forward too, reaching up to put his hand on the side of Spencer’s face to help him stay steady. Their lips were inches apart, but Spencer spoke. “Derek, I want to kiss you so bad. But if I’m sick I don’t want to risk infecting you-“

“Pretty boy, I’m breathing your air already. And I don’t think you have the flu, just low blood sugar.” Derek told him, which quickly shushed Reid up. They leaned forward more, and all the feelings of angst and dread that had built up between the two disintegrated as their lips touched slowly.

It was a soft kiss, a chaste one. But there definitely was passion behind it. Morgan stayed close to Spencer, resting his forehead against his.

“I belong with you...” Derek mumbled, he didn’t care if Spencer heard it anymore. He should hear it, he deserved to hear it. He deserved to know he was the only one Derek wanted.

Spencer pulled back, a small smile playing on his lips the entire time. “I can’t believe it...” he mumbled to Derek after a moment. “You should. You said it yourself, I belong with someone better. And it’s you. I just hope you agree.” Derek told him honestly, not leaving anything he said to chance. Spencer nodded, “Yes- you belong with me. Absolutely, yes. I agree.”

Derek smiled, pushing a loose strand of hair back behind spencer’s ear, before leaning forward and planting a soft kiss on Spencer’s forehead. “You eat that soup, I’ll go get you some more water.”

———————————————————————

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rottingflovver · 4 years

Note

Hello! I've read some of your stuff and I really like your style and how realistic you are grasping DoA characters! I'm not sure if you are taking requests, I saw you writing stuff without them but it you do, would you like to write something more with Fyodor? Maybe something like perfect s/o personality headcanon? I've been lately wondering if he would fit better someone quiet who would not get in the way or rather something slitghly bubbly and teasing to light up his dark heart? Thank u! :3

Oh!!! Hello!!!! YeS I am taking requests rn so don't worry! I shall answer anything to the best of my abilities!!!

Also ohmygosh thank you sm,,, I was worried that I wasn't doing the DoA boys justice so I'm glad to see that you like it!!! 💕💕 uwu

Fyodor's perfect s/o headcanons

First and foremost, you have to be a good person

Fyodor doesn't mingle with "sinners", so I doubt he'd like for his s/o to be a serial killer or the like

I hc that he grew up quite poor so if he sees you helping out at like an orphanage or something your chances with him will be instantly raised

If you lack an ability it's even better! (Not mandatory though, just a slight helper)

He's into people that respect him, but that are also worthy of his respect

He likes it when you stand your ground!

Don't let others talk down to you, but also don't talk down on others

He'd also like it if you were slightly cheerful! Yknow, bubbly and optimistic! (To warm his cold, dead heart 😔👊)

When he's worried about whether his plans are going right or not, if you're there to cheer him up with your warm smile and happy laughter, then he himself will be happy, too

He does need a lot of privacy though

Ideally you'd be someone who he can initiate a date with at any given moment, but if he doesn't reach out, you should assume he's busy and leave him be

Check up on him from time to time though, he acts annoyed but is deeply touched by it (don’t overdo it, he’s still incredibly busy)

Tease him about his dark eye bags lmao he hates it </3

He would absolutely hate being teased at first but the more you two grew attached to one another he'd be more accepting of it

He's also really into being fussed over; when you see he's not doing well, stop and take care of him for a bit, he loves it

This includes stopping him from biting his fingers when he's stressed, and letting him vent it out

ALSO being super smart like he is isn't mandatory (I feel like even he would get exhausted with all the mind games that would constantly be occurring between the two of you then) but you should at least be decently educated in philosophy, music terminology (+ classical music), and psychology

Cuz oh boy, does he love talking about those things

He himself seems like more of a listener than a talker, so you should be someone who's easy to converse with (aka you get a decent amount of talking done, but you also let him speak)

His perfect type would also be someone that initiates a lot of physical affection

It doesn't even have to be anything grand ㅡ simple hand holding is enough for him

Cuz, honestly, like, we know he's touch-starved

Only in the privacy of each other's homes though, doing it out in public is too embarrassing (and risky) for him

He'd be the type to give you his coat when he sees you being cold and then just...not acknowledge the fact that he did that

You also need to be good at keeping secrets

Like I'm talking GOOD good

No one in your life is even allowed to know about him, let alone what he does and who he is

He won't stop you from going out, but ideally you should try to keep the hangouts to a minimum, he has a tendency to get jealous (+ he might see it as you trying to betray him)

You also need to be someone who's understanding, and doesn't get jealous easily (oh the hypocrisy)

But listen, realistically speaking he's away on missions most of the time, and the last thing he needs is you accusing him of cheating every time

Have faith in this man, he's really not the type to cheat (not like he even has the time for it lmao)

Basically just be an affectionate and decent human being and listen to Vivaldi or something nsidnsinxkd like his standards aren't that high

tysm for the ask and I’m sorry that I keep going so off-topic hfghbuhf it’s a hard knock life 😔

#bungou stray dogs #bungou sd #bungo stray dogs headcanons #bungo stray dogs hcs #bungou stray dogs Fyodor #fyodor bsd #bsd x reader #bsd Fyodor x reader #fyodor headcanons #fyofyoooo #love him #even though he's a greasy rat man #but he's our greasy rat man <3 #i hope this is okay!#I really need to stick to the actual topic

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soudam-appreciation · 4 years

Text

Study... date?

Gundam sighed, shrugging his overweight backpack over his shoulder. He had not planned for today to become a social one, though he supposed it was not quite unwelcome. The mortal known as Kazuichi, Tamer of Automatons, had requested his presence here, though for precisely what ritual, Gundam did not know.

Kazuichi leaned back in his chair and rested his legs atop of the table as he inhaled the overwhelming (and honestly, kinda gross) scent of old and new books as he waited for Gundam to hurry the fuck up and get to the library, because he really didn’t have all day.

He perked up, though, when he saw a small flash of purple and black move by one of the bookshelves he sat next to. Souda stood, waving his hands frantically in an attempt to catch the goth boy’s attention, not wanting to call out and cause more of a scene than the literal highlighter waving his hands sporadically like he was at a concert.

The neon blur tugged at Gundam’s peripheral, and he crossed his arms before him. Facing the boy, he began a usual greeting. “At last, you have been found. Do you not fear this meeting, Fool?” His voice boomed and echoed through the stacks, inciting an annoyed rustle and collective whisper.

Kazuichi’s eyes went wide as he started rapidly shushing him, because if him basically jumping up and down trying to get Gundam to notice him didn’t draw attention to the two, Gundam basically shouting definitely did. Speaking as softly as he could considering how badly his heart rate spiked, he tried to get him to quiet down.

“D-dude! Shut- shut the- Don’t! Stop fuckin’....fuckin’ screaming like that! Jesus! Shudda’...shut the- shut the fuck up! Shhh!”

Recollection of the location at hand hit Gundam with a hell-strength impact. Clearing his throat, he hurriedly glanced around, mumbling fractured apologies for his forgetfulness. If there was one thing that would make even the Dark Overlord himself bow, it would be intense embarrassment as a direct result of his own foolishness- not that he would even say such a thing. To allow enemies access to his weakness?! Preposterous. He whispered a short apology to Souda as well, for the mortal seemed far more distraught than he.

Souda groaned softly, rubbing his face with his hands for a few moments before bouncing back almost as fast, a lazy grin plastered across his face. That didn’t stop the drop of malice and embarrassment showing through in his cheerful voice as he pushed out a chair next to the one he was leaning on before to invite Gundam to sit with him.

There were a lot of books, papers, pens and one lone computer scattered across the table. Souda easily pushed these aside as he sat down to take a sip of his…something.

Gundam followed suit, dropping his bag on the floor beside him as he took his seat. He was not entirely sure what they were to do on this day, although crawling deep underground was an option he prayed upon. Unzipping his backpack as soundlessly as he could, he retrieved a notepad and slid a simple message to his companion.

What, pray tell, have you summoned me for?

Kazuichi read it over before snatching the notepad from Gundam’s hand, as well as the fancy pen he had (despite there being many writing utensils of his own he could’ve used, he honestly just wanted to be a bit of a dick to his past rival). He scrawled something quickly on it and slid it back nervously, despite there being no teachers nor rules against slipping each other notes.

ok, well, i asked u 2 come here bc i am fucking failing math and biology and there r these 2 tests cming up i need u 2 help me study for. i thought u’d know a lot abt biology and u seem smart ig so-

He ripped another blank note out to write on more.

-so i thought u could help with, math too. hinata won’t help me he’s mad i spilt monster on his laptop still even though that was a whole day ago :(

The writing was barely legible and Kazuichi seemed to shorten words as best as he could, since he also wrote very large on the small sheet of paper. He slid the second note to Tanaka for him to read.

Squinting, Gundam managed to make out Souda’s print. He sighed, briefly wondering how incompetent Souda actually was, and where to even begin studying. Retrieving his pen, albeit a bit forcefully, he turned to a new page and began his transmission.

Where should we begin? Is there a specific field in which you have little expertise?

As Souda read over the note in the pretty cursive handwriting, he let out a small giggle. He couldn’t help it, reading Gundam’s dumbass Overlord-victorian speak was somehow funnier than hearing it out loud. Snatching the pen and paper back, he started writing.

uh um well i never ever got algebra the little letters always confused me and in biology kind of everything. man i’m not good with that kinda shit like u i’ve seen ur grades you don’t know how 2 whisper when ur flaunting them to sonia lol

Gundham’s ears got hot, and he fidgeted with the end of his scarf. Grabbing his pen, he scribbled out, I do no such thing. I simply share because I am asked, that should be a simple concept to grasp. His scrawl was messier, his haste blurring his senses. Deep breaths stilled his hostility, and he turned to a new page.

So shall we begin with variables, then? You may need to work exceptionally hard to recall these, as no doubt it will be of importance.

Once again, Kazuichi laughed as he watched Gundam get a little pissed at the Sonia comment. Even when they were slowly getting closer, messing with the guy still yielded hilarious results.

come on man!!!! why r u getting so pissy i’m just teasing u. u know i know that u know we aren’t rivals anymore so calm down!!!!! >:3

anyways uhh ya sure we can start w, variables ig. i don’t remember a lot of this stupid ass math lingo so ur gonna need to remind me some of it.

Variables are those “little letters” you spoke of. If something I mention confuses you, alert me at once.

Gundam chose to ignore all of Souda’s previous statement, focusing instead on the task at hand. There did not seem a logical reason to become so frustrated when Souda spoke of her. So why did it ignite a hellfire in his chest?

He shook off the thought, selecting a standard textbook from his oversized backpack and placing it on the table with a thunk. Opening to a page about Variables, the most annoying of unknowns, he slid the book across for Souda’s viewing ease.

We should begin here, page 28. Do you have a journal for notes?

yeah that’s fine also do u mind me keeping our notes or atleast yours please plz plsssss

Sure enough, the smaller boy was already making a pile of the discarded notes they had forgotten about. Mostly Gundams. It was the only neat thing on the table thus far.

Sighing again, Gundam ceded. He had no use for them, anyway. It caught his attention as slightly strange, but he chose to pay it no mind. Scratching out what information he could on such a small surface, he quickly realized that simply would not work. He slid a mostly-empty notebook from his bag and selected a blank page to share with Souda. It wasn’t as if he really needed the pages in this notebook either, so he added a small note at the top offering the torn-out pages for outside studying.

Souda took the page and studied it, before brightly grinning up at Gundam and quickly nodding. This was fancy shit, definitely not something extremely expensive (he knew Gundam definitely wouldn’t dare share that kind of paper, seeing the small slightly-faded stains of car oil on his hands that he just couldn’t scrub out) but Souda probably wouldn’t be buying these things, especially for every class, without at least a week of ramen dinners to make up for the waste of money working at his Dads mechanic shop.

Souda suddenly realized that ‘fancy shit’ to a slightly broke kid like him was definitely not ‘fancy shit’ to Gundam “I don’t know how to dress casually Ever” Tanaka.

Gundam continued to script line after line, attempting to explain these subjects in terms Souda would understand. The look in Souda’s eyes gnawed at him, such excitement on display over some math notes. He wasn’t certain what rubbed him wrong about it, so he brushed it aside. Reaching the bottom of the page, he printed a small question.

Do you still understand thus far?

Souda finally grabbed one of his own pens that lay discarded on the table instead of stealing Gundams.

yeah i get it u explain it a lot better than the teachers or chiaki despite ur little demon talk r whatever lol. chiaki use to help me like all the time but she kept falling asleep on me we never got anything done

Reading Souda’s message tempted laughter, and Gundam bit his cheek to silence it. Nodding sagely, he scrawled, As likely as you are to bend truths pertaining to women, this account does seem trustworthy. He knew just as well as anyone how exhausted Chiaki constantly seemed.

Tugging the newly completed page from its binds, Gundam offered it to Souda as well.

Souda looked almost offended by the note (he still took it, because of course he did) and hastily scribbled another and shoved it in Gundams chest with a grin.

WOW DICK i’m not gonna go after every girl that falls asleep on me!!! sonia hasn’t fallen asleep on me yet and you know!!!!! >:((((((

Gundam stiffened, bandaged hand safely out of sight under the table. If it had been visible, Souda would have a clear view of numb fingers folding against his palm before stretching into claws, over and over. Another deep breath was necessitated by his pounding heart, and he stilled his mind. There was no reason for this feeling. What possible purpose could this rush of adrenaline serve? Certainly nothing pertaining to math. He cleared his throat again, which ended up sounding a bit more like a growl, and took up his pen.

You say “yet”, as if there is even the slightest chance of such an occurrence in the future. This, I do know. A smug smirk crossed his face, daring to settle on his lips.

Souda pouted as he read the note, a somehow adorable sight as he quickly snagged Gundams pen again (once again ignoring his own) and scrawled something on a new note and shoved it back to him.

nuh-uh! u don’t know shit. unless u can see the future!!! tell me tell me tell me. maybe ur freaky demon shit is real after all ANYWAYS do i end up w miss sonia plz please tell me??!?? :3

Gundam tasted blood as he bit his lip hard. Why was Souda so insistent on her? No, he knew why. She was aesthetically pleasing to someone like him. This was not new information, but it still irked Gundam like hell. He pursed his lips. The last thing he was going to do was tell Souda his pathetic simpering dreams would come true in the end. Or perhaps, the last thing he wanted would be to admit to Souda that he cannot truly see the future? Grumbling, he snatched his pen back and tapped it against his knuckles. Neither option was preferred, though one was a clear admission of weakness…

He settled on a third choice. Of course not. I know precisely who you shall fall for in the end, although I cannot tell you. That is the Law of Causality.

actually it’s the law of cASSuaslity because ur an asshole who the fuck cares why can’t u just tell me!!! if i don’t get with miss sonia or whatever u say i don’t even know if i completely believe ur bonkers shit why can’t u just tell me their name or anything i just!!! want a hint. please

Kazuichi’s handwriting grew sloppier as he grew more desperate. Why the fuck was Gundam hiding it? It’s not like he’s gonna get suspended for some random ‘law’ or whatever he probably made up. He didn’t even know what the word Causality meant but it sounded exactly like a freaky word Gundam would say.

All I may tell you is that… Gundam paused, wiggling his pen between thumb and forefinger to come up with an excuse. …you have likely already made their acquaintance. All trace of smugness had dropped from his features, now replaced with stale indifference. He locked his worry deep in his chest, buried it. The last thing he needed was Souda to call him out on such a ridiculously big lie.

Souda didn’t know why, but he grinned at that. He grinned at a lot of dumb shit, and Gundam telling him some vague dumbass answer like that was apparently dumb enough to get on his list of Dumb Shit That Made Him Grin. He flicked Gundams note into his ever growing pile and chugged the rest of his drink, his eyes blown wide with the sudden rush of, apparently, sugar. He tapped the textbook again, trying to remind them both to stay on task. His hands were starting to shake too much from the sugar high to make writing any good.

Gundam nodded. They needed to focus on the task at hand.. Which was math. Boring math. Another sigh settled in his chest, and he thought fleetingly on how he would much rather talk about silly magic business. Shaking dramatically dual-toned hair from his eyes, he set to scribbling some more numbers. Stupid, boring numbers.

Kazuichi watched with interest as Gundam quickly drew out complex strings of numbers and occasional letters. However, his mind quickly drifted as well as his eyes. Higher and higher until he was watching Gundam’s facial expressions shift as he tried to help Souda. How he bit his lip as he hesitated before continuing to keep writing, how his eyes narrowed, Souda half-mindedly thought of how pretty Tanaka’s eyes were, he could get lost in them if he really wanted to, and he did. So he simply tuned out the sound of pen against pencil, rustling of paper and the occasional whisper between others in the library and just stared into his eyes.

Sliding another page across the table, Gundam glanced up at Souda’s face, before they quickly flicked away. On the quickly growing list of things he did Not Want to happen today, was for Souda to catch him staring. Or- he paused. To catch… Souda staring? He didn’t want to look again, even if he was right, but the hairs on the back of his neck stood on end as if he could feel Souda’s gaze. Ears growing red, he scripted a small note back, faltering slightly as nerves made his fingers stiff.

Do you still understand well enough?

Kazuichi’s gaze didn’t move until he finally noticed Gundam actually wrote words down. He did a double take back at his face before he picked up his pen, his cheeks heating up. Shit, did Gundam catch him looking? His hands trembled slightly from the sugar and caffeine as he scribbled on the paper.

yeah i understand completely ur a good teacher i already said that didn’t i sorry

He slid the note over, now doing his best to keep his eyes on the table and not on Gundam.

Do not fret, I am pleased you understand.

Clearing his throat as quietly as he could, he returned to numbers. Gundam really tried to focus, he did. But he couldn’t stop his mind from wandering… Muscle memory served him well, and he continued to write, but his mind’s eye strayed from questioning Souda’s gaze, to wondering why keeping their notes tidy was so important, to the way Souda tapped his fingers on the desk ever so slightly, the sugar and caffeine running rampant through his veins. It soon became impossible to focus, and he started mixing up numbers and crossing them out. He shook his head, hard, mumbling apologies for scrambling up his figures.

Kazuichi easily picked up Gundams distraction and yanked an empty note from him to write on.

do u wanna stop for today

He slid it over, giving Gundam a small smile as he did. He wasn’t unfamiliar with his brain getting jumbled and melting into mush and before he knew it, the day was over and he hadn’t got shit done. So he didn’t mind giving up for today, starting again tomorrow or next week. He just liked being with Gundam, kinda. As weird as that was.

Gundam nodded.

My sincerest apologies, I seem to have lost my senses…

What the hell had gotten into him? This was highly unusual for him. Gundam mumbled another quiet sorry, sliding the incomplete and jumbled page across to Kazuichi just in case he needed it anyway.

Souda tidied everything up on the desk, sliding his books, computer and the notes into his black backpack. As he stood, he bounced on his heels, the caffeine suddenly taking full effect as he finally got out of the chair and could move around to his heart's desire. He slid his backpack over one of his shoulders and didn’t hesitate to start playing with one of the enamel pins of a vocaloid character that hung from the zipper, needing something to occupy his hands with.

Gundam stood as well, fumbling as he slipped the last notebook into his bag. Offering a hand, he gestured towards the door. He whispered, “Shall we meet again tomorrow, then? I swear I shall do better at my job.”

Kazuichi laughed softly at that, nodding. His hands fiddled with his jumpsuit pockets as he made his way over to Tanaka, a small bounce in his step. He would definitely blame that and what he did next on the overload of caffeine in his system the next day. He put his hands on Gundams shoulders, slightly dragging him down as he stood on his tippy-toes, kissing him sweetly on the lips before he was already skipping towards the door, waving him bye as he exited, most likely to his dorm on campus.

Blood froze in his veins. Gundam’s heart pounded, throbbing in his ears. His face was beyond red, and his stiffened fingers twitched in surprise. Mouth opening and closing like a fish, he could not even will his feet to carry him after the boy. What… What just… happened? His mind felt as slow and sluggish as if it was buffering through a torrented movie file.

Finally gathering enough control of his own limbs, he pulled himself through the door. He wanted desperately to give chase, to pull Souda into his arms and kiss him back, but he knew there was no possible way he would keep his courage. So he settled, simply deciding upon returning to his own abode. He would have to speak to Souda at their meeting tomorrow. Just thinking about it gave him… butterflies? Oh dear, what an unpleasant sensation.

. . .

Thank you @kazudam for writing with me! This was so much fun, and something I’ve always wanted to do :’)

#gundham tanaka #kazuichi souda #kazuichi x gundham #gundham x kazuichi #soudam #daily soudam #kazudam as souda #intentional-moss as gundham #mod 🌱

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horrorhot-line · 4 years

Note

Do you have any writing tips Coz i rlly like your writing ❤😭

This one took a while to answer because of how much I had to say. (Please keep in mind that I am in no way telling you to follow these tips, take whatever you think will work for you and discard what doesn't, okay?)

Alright, first things first, I've been writing on and off for the past seven years, and I can say for a fact that I've definitely improved since my first fic (which was on paper, we don't talk about it). The following tips are what works for me, and what I believe has helped me become better at writing.

Remember, fanfiction is supposed to be self-indulgent, and therefore you are entitled to write whatever you like because it's your work, so you don’t have to follow any of these tips if you don’t feel like it.

Proofreading, making sense & grammar

Grammar and punctuation make a huge difference. You could have an amazing story, but bad grammar can make that piece of work flop. Stories are supposed to be immersive, but if there are too many mistakes or the words don't make sense, it can ruin it for a reader. (I don't mean your garden variety missing letters, I mean something like 'an he and her goes and u were like oh no'.) I can't name the amount of time I've started to read something online and ditched it because the grammar irks me (your instead of you're, their instead of they're and so on). I've seen a lot of fanfiction writers also switch between past tense, present tense and future tense in the same paragraph, which makes it hard to understand what's happening.

If you're trying to post and have it get attention, please do check your work to make sure it makes sense. Write down everything first, don't correct anything, and once you're done writing the scene, go back to proofread the whole thing. Get someone to read it for you and point out mistakes or things that don't make sense, if you can.

If you can't, then there are alternatives. There's 'text to speech', where you can copy and paste what you've written down onto a website, and it will read the text out loud to you. It works the best (for me anyway). There's also grammarly, which is kind of similar to google docs except it points out all the mistakes you may have in your work. (Bear in mind a few mistakes don't matter, but if there's too many then it's likely that your post or blog won't get much attention.) This tip helps you to get a lot of likes on your writing.

Research

If you're writing fanfiction, please study the character(s). My biggest pet peeve when I read fanfiction, is that the love interest is out of character. Whether it be the way they talk or the way they act, if it isn't close to canon, I cannot read it.

So, if you're trying to gain traction and have your work get a lot of positive feedback or likes, then it's best to do research. Most fictional characters have wiki pages where their personalities, relationships and life stories are listed, so why not make the most of it? It's all there for the taking. When writing for a character, rewatch the show/movie to get a good grasp of their personality and then begin to write. The more canon your writing is, the more people will enjoy it.

Reader Inserts

Ever come across an x reader where there's way too much description about their appearance? (Specified hair colour, hair length, named family members etc.) I once read a reader insert where the author described the reader as someone who had pale skin, blue eyes and blonde hair... I was like, huh? That's not what I look like :')

When you specify or go into details about 'reader's' appearance, it will most likely ruin the mental image your readers have in their heads already. I feel like when one tries to write a story or oneshot with a reader, they should be as vague as possible. There's no need to specify the height, or the reader's dream job or names of family members, or outfit choice- that's up to the people that are reading your stuff to work out. Leave it to their imagination. (This doesn't apply to requests made by others for specific character traits or appearances.)

Write believable characters

If your work has a reader insert or original characters, please make them believable. You don't want to write characters that are 2D and have little to no depth. Please don't make them perfect, that takes the fun out of things and makes your character somewhat boring. You don’t want to write a character that your readers find it hard to care about, so even if you were to kill them, the readers wouldn’t care.

Make them real, with real problems and a factor of relatability. Heck, give them toxic/bad personality traits while you're at it. Easily irritable, overly sensitive, cynical, selfish, manipulative, people pleaser- the list is endless (we all have our flaws, no?). Contrary to what others may believe, this will make your character easy to relate to or understand, and more people will like your work that way. (this links to my next tip btw)

Mary Sues

I've seen this a lot in the fanfiction community, and oh god, does it make me cringe (this is because of personal preference, though). Mary sues, if you aren't aware, are perfect characters that have no faults. They don't make mistakes, and everyone loves them even if they do nothing. They are basically the perfect hero/heroine, and that makes them boring. My biggest pet peeves are mary sues in fanfiction author's works, (but, this is because I can't stand perfect and over-powered characters that everyone seems to fall for at first sight).

Fair enough if the entire story is self-indulgent, I'm not here to bash others over personal preferences (this is just how I feel on the matter), but that also means that you take the risk of your work flopping for that sole reason. Your work might not get any traction or positive feedback because it is overly indulgent.

Don't make your original character or reader insert a mary sue. Throw hurdles and hardships at them, let them make huge mistakes and learn from them, let them mature. Let them have flaws, let them win over the love interest slowly, instead of having the two fall in love instantly.

Use the right inspiration for romantic relationships

Please for the love of god do not use toxic relationships as your inspiration for the romance you write into your story. 'After' by Anna Todd comes to mind first, as it is a good example of a romance written horribly. If you don't know already, then it's a Harry Styles wattpad fanfiction that got popular and was published, with two movie adaptations out already, (with more on the way)- the classic good girl falls for bad boy cliche.

So, what's so wrong with 'After'? For one, the male interest is toxic as hell. Anger management issues, substance abuse, trash personality, the list goes on. What does the female interest to about it? Absolutely nothing. She lets him walk all over her and forgives him for it every time.

Please don't use stories like this as a basis for what the romance in your work is like. Relationships where one abuses the other, whether it be mentally, physically or verbally are wrong and shouldn't be glorified nor romanticised. Relationships are supposed to be healthy, and shouldn't tear the people in it, apart. Use the right inspiration, there's plenty out there.

Writing chemistry between characters

For me, I use inspiration where ever I can find it. Movies, animes, books, real life, you name it. Observe the different types of media around you. How do friends interact with each other? How is it different from childhood friends and family friends? How is it different to lovers? I watch Netflix shows/movies in my free time, mostly romance- and yes, it is for research purposes. From there, I take a particular interaction or scene and get to thinking. If the characters from my works were in that situation, how would they react?

Ever watched a movie or a show and thought to yourself, 'Wow, the interactions are so awkward'? That's mostly because the script is forced, and that's the last thing you want to write like. Chemistry, whether it be platonic or romantic, should be natural. The best way for you to do this is by thinking about how characters would interact and letting it come naturally to you.

Don't rush it

You have all the time in the world to write chemistry between characters. Why rush it? Slow burns hit the hardest and a lot of people like them. What I mean to say is, please for the love of god, don't let the characters in your work meet and then immediately fall in love.

The countless amount of times I've sighed in frustration because I've decided to read a story and the first chapter they meet, the second they're already a thing and the third they get married? (This is an exaggeration, but you know what I mean.) What? Why? The time between realising feelings and officially dating should at least take a month, so write with that in mind. (This tip doesn't apply to one-shots.)

Narration

I’ve seen authors skip out on explaining where the story takes place and give the bare minimum when it comes to details, and have realised that it makes it very hard for the reader to understand what’s happening. When there’s barely any context, the story is no longer immersive and is less enjoyable.

Focus on describing the settings. There should be more description than dialogue. The weather, the surrounding, if there are people near or not, smells, sounds, etc. This will help the reader visualise what's happening, and will make it more enjoyable all around. The surroundings should be included in your story to make it more interesting and to keep the reader hooked. I've seen authors do this in their fanfiction and my god, when it's done right, it is so beautiful.

The first paragraph

This is a tip I've only recently started to use. You should always start the first paragraph off with something interesting. It's gotta be eye-catching. This makes sure that the reader doesn't click off of your work before you get to the good bits. There are a lot of writers who start their stories off with the classic 'I woke up in the morning to the alarm clock sounding,' and it is the absolute worst because it's the most overused cliche I've ever seen.

Reading about someone waking up isn't interesting unless it's important to the story. For example, you can start off with a character waking up, if they're sick, 'I jolted awake only to immediately groan at the headache I was hit with. I moved to massage the bridge of my nose, to ease my pain, somewhat. It was then that I realised I was covered in a thin layer of sweat. Breathing in through my nose, I kicked the covers off of myself in an attempt to try and cool down. Turning my head and coughing into my pillow, I wondered if it was even worth it to get up.'

Internal monologues

Internal monologues give character to the person you're writing about and also gives the reader a good idea of what they're like. They also make your story better as a whole and can prove to lengthen it a bit more. Sprinkle them in where you see fit.

For example, 'The school day dragged on. You gazed at the clock yet again- why did it feel as if the hand on it hadn't moved? You should have stayed home. What was the point of this again? You could be spending your time doing something better. You suppressed the urge to yawn as the teacher droned on about how to calculate frequencies and wavelengths.'

Read

I mean this. When you're not writing, read, and do it like it's a job. Find a good book or a fanfiction that's well written, and take note of things the author has done that you think, 'Oh! That's worded beautifully.' This will help you expand your vocabulary, provide you with inspiration and overall will improve your writing.

hope this helps 💞💞💞💞

#anon ask #ask response #writing tips

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mischiefandi · 4 years

Text

A Shitty Love Song (Part 4) - Stiles Stilinski

Cheap Thrills

A/N: hey everyone! part 4 is where things start to change a little for y/n, and im really excited for u guys to read it! I work really really hard on this series so it means a lot to see you guys enjoy it <3

Summary: Y/N is a 17 year old girl who struggles in an epic battle against herself. Whether it is amor’s icy grasp or life’s unexpected course that forces her to open up, only one thing is certain. The truth cannot long be hidden.

Warnings: light cursing i think and mentions of panic (nothing severe)

Word Count: 5.3 K

Pairing: Stiles Stilinski x Reader (Y/N)

Series Masterlist

(picture is not mine -> credits to @ clemono on unsplash)

The school doors opened, thus concluding winter break and the holidays, the thrilling sound of students’ footsteps echoing throughout the halls. It had only been two weeks since they had last seen each other, but the ecstatic teenagers greeted each other with wide smiles and warm hugs, their excited voices overlapping as they recounted the tales of their winter shenanigans.

Y/N burst through the large metallic school doors, her brown suede bag hooked over her right shoulder, and she sighed happily as her eyes scanned the crowd, searching desperately for her friends, the people she had missed so much. Most of the group had gone away during winter break. They had all kept in touch, but Y/N had found it quite difficult being alone in Beacon Hills, stowed away in her dark room, anxiously waiting for her busy friends’ texts. Being away from them had been harder than she had thought it would be.

So she walked past the cafeteria and turned a left, almost sprinting through the corridors as her quest continued. The bell was going to ring soon and she frowned, impatiently tapping her fingers against her side. Maybe they were all late. Or maybe they just hadn’t thought of saying hi before going to class. Y/N winced a little at the idea. She stopped mid-step and looked down at the floor, her eyes vaguely stinging when her thoughts were suddenly interrupted by the feeling of warm hands clapping on her shoulders. She whirled around and her lips curled into a large smile when her eyes rested on Scott and Kira.

“Scott!” she exclaimed, wrapping him in a tight hug he happily returned.

“I was beginning to think you were avoiding us,” he joked, holding her tightly before letting her go.

“Har-har,” she said, hugging Kira next.

“How was your trip to Boston! You guys have to tell me everything!” Y/N couldn’t help the high pitch of her voice, her excitement difficult to contain as she breathed in Kira’s familiar cherry perfume and Scott’s musky cologne.

“It was amazing. We spent the whole week sight-seeing and I even managed to convince someone to ice skate with me,” Scott replied cheekily, hooking his arm around Kira’s waist and she scoffed with a smile.

“Everything was going great right up until that moment,” she whined and Y/N couldn’t help but giggle. “Everyone knows I’m the clumsiest person on Earth.”

“If you want my opinion, I think he took you there to act like the perfect gentleman when you fell,” Y/N whispered conspiratorially in Kira’s ear.

“I heard that.”

Kira grinned widely, her eyes fixated on her boyfriend’s goofy smile.

“It was definitely worth it then.”

The trio talked some more until the bell interrupted their conversation. Groans and whines echoed throughout the halls, clanging against the lockers as the students slowly started to shuffle into the classrooms.

“Ugh, already?”

“I’m gonna be honest, definitely have not missed this part.”

“Before you go, have you seen the others?” Y/N inquired, tightening her grip on her bag.

“No, not yet. I have class with Isaac and Stiles right now though.”

“Meet up for lunch at the cafeteria?” Kira asked with a soft smile.

“Yeah, definitely. See you then!”

Y/N waved goodbye to the couple and sighed softly. Seeing them had done her a world of good. She walked away from the lockers and into her classroom for math.

Words could not describe how badly she hated this class. Whether it was the teacher or the actual course in itself, Y/N couldn’t bear it. She had always been terrible at it. Abstract notions had always been excruciatingly difficult for her to grasp. They just didn’t make any sense to her, they never had. Even at her previous schools, math was the only class she constantly failed, no matter how much she studied and tried. Math wasn’t just something she disliked. It was something she feared - because it meant failure.

Y/N groaned in the palm of her hand as she scribbled the rapid-fire explanations her teacher was giving into her notebook, her thoughts desperately trying to catch up with his messy rambling. Her fingers curled around her pencil and she winced, a small wave of stress passing over her. Her foot tapped furiously against the floor, the blunt sound echoing in her ears, resonating as loudly as the lockers being slammed in the school halls. Y/N closed her eyes, inhaling as deeply as possible, hoping with every inch of her body that her spasms would cease soon. She focused all of her thoughts on calming down, breathing steadily, her eyes still shut tight.

She wondered why she was so easily affected by the stupidest things. Who freaks out over algebra?

The sound of her phone vibrating in her bag made her snap out of her funk, and she immediately reached for it, sending a glance at the teacher still busy lecturing about equations before checking the screen.

Stiles: where are you hiding?

Y/N’s lips instantly curled into a wide smile as she read the text, a wave of relief washing over her. He hadn’t forgotten about her.

Y/N: math class :(((

Y/N: where were u hiding?? couldn’t find u guys this morning

His reply was immediate, the phone vibrating in her hand almost as soon as she had sent her message.

Stiles: jeep trouble again

Y/N: do i need to get u a new roll of tape?

Stiles: do i sense mockery?

Y/N: ding ding ding

Stiles: oh i see how it is

Stiles: how’s math going

Y/N: it’s hell on earth lmao

Stiles: anything a genius like me could help you with

Y/N: genius huh?

Stiles: yea, i’ve got a certificate and everything

Y/N: u should get it framed

Stiles: oh i did, not to worry

Y/N: niiiice

Stiles: seriously though, if u ever need any math assistance

Stiles: i’m your guy

Y/N’s heart radiated warmth as his words engraved themselves in her mind. He truly was such a good friend, and it was a nice feeling knowing she could count on him to help her out with stuff like this. In the past, always being the new kid in school meant she rarely made meaningful relationships with people, so she wasn’t used to asking for help, especially not with something as basic as math.

Y/N: i might take you up on that

Shutting off her phone and slipping it back into her bag, Y/N straightened her shoulders and breathed slowly, embracing the feeling of air slowly filling her lungs. With a newfound confidence and motivation, she sat up straight and went back to taking notes.

🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙

At 1 pm, the bell rang, and Y/N grinned from ear to ear, thrilled about having lunch with the gang. It had been a while since the last lunchtime they’d all shared in the cafeteria, and she had missed them a lot. Packing up her things and exiting her history classroom, she held onto her bag and walked past the people casually chatting in the hall.

The cafeteria was filled with noise and chatter, the sound of loud reunions and fits of laughter exploding all over the room. People bustled round with their trays of food, jumping from one conversation to the next. Y/N’s eyes zoomed in on her friends’ table, the familiar faces sending a jolt of joy straight to her heart. She ran over to them and their faces lit up at the sight of her.

Allison jumped out of her seat, immediately throwing her arms around her friend, and Lydia quickly followed suit, smiling widely. Isaac then bumped her fist and she laughed as Lydia rolled her eyes. Finally, Y/N’s eyes rested on Stiles who had gotten up, patiently waiting for his turn to greet her. His eyes lit up when they met hers and he rushed forward to hug her. Though the moment ended fast, it was lovely to be reunited.

“I was beginning to think you were avoiding us,” he joked and she scoffed.

“Duh, I’ve been trying to get away for months.”

The group chatted about winter break and everyone’s holidays, exploding into fits of giggles and chuckles, occasionally teasing each other as anecdotes were spilled over the table. Everyone was there: Scott, Kira, Allison, Isaac, Lydia, and Stiles. And it felt good.

As lunch started to come to an end, the hands on the clock announcing the impending return to class, Y/N was laughing with Stiles, ranting about Han Solo’s character arc in Star Wars, when Lydia interrupted the conversation, eyes staring at something in the distance.

“Hey, Y/N?”

“Yeah?”

“Isn’t that the guy from Danny’s party?”

“What?” Y/N asked, turning her eyes to where Lydia was pointing. Her jaw dropped, completely dumbstruck.

Sitting just a few feet away from her table, surrounded by Beacon Hills High students, was the tall blond boy from the Halloween rave, the one who had so meticulously painted her body.

She gasped. It was really him.

“Who’s that?” asked Stiles, intently watching the chivelled blond shake his head with a laugh at one of his friends.

“Y/N’s blast from the past…”

The girl’s cheeks warmed up instantly as she remembered the rave, purple lights once again making an appearance in her mind. She still didn’t know who she had kissed that night, but she did know the boy she was busy ogling was really cute.

“His name is Jeremy, and don’t call him that, Ali,” she laughed, eyes still fixated on him.

Stiles raised an eyebrow but didn’t say anything, taking a bite out of his sandwich.

One of the guys sitting across from Jeremy suddenly seemed to notice how curious the table adjacent them seemed to be at the sight of them. With a smirk, he pointed at Y/N and told his friend to look.

Jeremy turned around in the direction of his friend’s nonchalantly pointed finger, and his lips curled into a smile as his eyes met Y/N’s. He had recognised her.

Y/N felt herself shrink as he stood up, signalling to his friends he would just be gone for a minute, before walking over to the table. The pack grew silent as they all watched him, anxiously waiting for the scene to unravel.

“Hey, you’re the girl from Halloween, right?” His warm voice made her shiver as she gazed into his deep blue eyes, and she smiled shyly, tucking a strand of stray hair behind her ear.

“Yeah, you’re Jeremy,” she replied, flabbergasted.

“That’s me.”

“What are you doing here?” she asked.

He laughed, passing a hand through his hair, eyes never leaving hers.

“I-uh, I transferred over the winter break. My parents moved closer to here.”

Y/N nodded swiftly, taking in the information.

Jeremy, the boy from Halloween, the boy she’d spent hours thinking about after the party, was here, attending her school. What kind of trick was the universe playing on her now?

“By the way, hi, everyone, I’m Jeremy!” he exclaimed, suddenly realising he and Y/N weren’t alone.

“Hi, nice to meet you!”

“Yeah, welcome to Beacon Hills High,” Scott said, friendly as always, sending the blond a warm smile. He was immediately met with one in return.

“Thanks, man.”

Y/N couldn’t keep her eyes off of Jeremy, still not over the initial shock of finding out he was here.

“By the way, I still don’t know your name,” he laughed, sending her a look that made her heart melt right in her chest.

“Right, I’m Y/N.”

“Nice to officially meet you, Y/N. I missed you on the dance floor.”

Y/N’s heart stopped, his words echoing in her ears. So, he wasn’t the one she had danced with that night? Hundreds of thoughts clouded her mind. Who had she kissed if not him? Had it really been Stiles? Or had it been someone else entirely?

The entire pack stayed silent as they watched her watch Jeremy. The tension in the air was so tangible, you could cut it with a knife. Thankfully, the bell suddenly rang, snapping everyone out of the moment, the people surrounding them getting up and gathering their things to go back to class.

“We have to get to class, I’m sorry,” Y/N said, so nervous she could feel her heart beat out of her chest.

“-Yeah, so do I,” he said, anxiously shaking his head with a smile.

Y/N’s friends slowly got up from their seats, eyes still fixated on the pair of teenagers, intent on watching the whole scene. She smiled at him and pulled her bag over her shoulder, finally breaking their staring match.

“-Wait!” she heard him say, and she looked back at him, lips slightly parted in anticipation.

“Yeah?” she asked.

“Would you wanna hang out tonight? There’s a restaurant not far from here I really wanted to check out.”

“Are you asking me out to dinner?” she asked, practically wheezing as the reality of the situation settled in.

“Uh, yeah, I am. Is that okay?”

Y/N suddenly giggled, her smile widening slowly as her eyes twinkled with excitement.

“Yes, it’s okay.”

“So you’re down?”

“Yeah, that’d be great!”

He sighed with relief, before handing her his phone in order for her to type in her number. The pack stayed completely silent as the other students shuffled out of the cafeteria.

“Here you go,” Y/N said before handing the phone back to him.

“Thanks. I’ll text you the details after school, okay?”

“Yeah, that’s fine.”

“Great. Anyway, I should get to class. It was nice meeting you all!” Jeremy said as he started to walk away, sending Y/N a small wave along with a grin, one she happily returned before letting out a sigh.

“Y/N, what was that?” exclaimed Allison, jumping up and down with a shriek once Jeremy had left.

Y/N couldn’t believe what had just transpired. She had just been asked out. On a date. By Jeremy.

“I don’t know, but apparently, I’m going out tonight,” she replied, giddy with excitement.

“Congrats!” Scott said warmly.

“I expect a full report when you get home. And he better behave like a gentleman or he’ll have us to deal with,” Lydia added, tone dead serious.

“Absolutely,” Isaac agreed.

“You guys are dorks. But thank you, I’m excited!” she said.

As the group started to leave the table, Y/N looked around, trying to find her best friend and her eyes landed on Stiles’ back, the spiky-haired teenager swiftly walking out of the cafeteria.

“What’s that about?” she thought to herself before grabbing the last of her things and leaving as well.

🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙

Hours later, Y/N stood in her bedroom, the sun outside setting slowly. She stood in front of her full-length mirror, eyeing her outfit. She had chosen to wear a v-neck dark red sweater and black skinny jeans along with her favourite pair of black boots. Her look was okay, but she couldn’t figure out how to wear her hair.

Wrapping the long strands around her hand, she thought to herself, biting her lip with uncertainty.

“Updo or no?” she asked herself, tilting her head to the side to get a better look.

Y/N was so confused and anxious. Seeing Jeremy in school had answered one of her questions, but now she had so many more. Plus, she had never been on a date before. No one had ever taken an interest in her like Jeremy seemed to. In fact, it baffled her how this fun, friendly, and albeit seductive guy could even look twice at a girl like her.

“Half-bun it is.”

As she pulled her hair back and made her bun, she watched herself, thoughts still running wild with every passing second.

“What do people even talk about on dates? What if it gets awkward?”

She unfortunately had no answers for those questions, though she did know someone who definitely would.

Rushing over to her messy desk, she shoved piles of books and stray sheets of paper out of the way, scrambling to find her cellphone. She grabbed it as soon as she found it, hurriedly dialing Lydia’s number. A couple rings later, her friend’s voice echoed through the speaker.

“Y/N?”

“Hi! Lyds, are you busy right now?”

“Not at the moment, no. Why, what’s going on?” Lydia replied, confused.

“You’re kind of the relationship expert of the group, right?”

“Obviously, continue.”

“Well, Jeremy’s picking me up in like 10 minutes and I’m freaking out. I’m really nervous!” Y/N exclaimed in her phone.

“Don’t be. Just enjoy the ride,” Lydia said, the words rolling off her tongue so nonchalantly Y/N could almost laugh.

“It’s not that easy. What do I say? What if I get something stuck in my teeth?”

“Y/N, he asked you out. That means he likes you. So just talk to him like you did at Danny’s party and everything will be fine. Besides, he’s probably just as nervous as you are.”

“I highly doubt that.”

“Are you more anxious than excited?”

Y/N paused, thinking deeply. Was she excited? Earlier that day, she had felt weak in the knees at the idea of going out with Jeremy. But right then, all she could feel was her heart beating abnormally fast. She was scared, scared he’d be put off by her, scared he’d want her to do something she wasn’t necessarily prepared to do. And something else was bothering her, but she couldn’t quite pinpoint it.

“I’m excited,” she finally answered, brow furrowed as she stared straight at her reflection in the mirror.

“Okay. Then go kick some ass. And by kick some ass, I mean be charming and blow his mind.”

“Thanks, Lyds. I’ll tell you all about it tomorrow.”

“I don’t expect any less,” the strawberry blonde quipped and Y/N snorted.

She hung up and walked over to her dresser, placing various rings on her fingers, eyes just staring into the void. It was an odd feeling, getting ready for a date she was apprehending so much. Something just didn’t sit right with her, but she just couldn’t figure out exactly what it was.

As she passed her earrings through her lobes, she thought back on her lunch break from earlier that day and a pang of guilt suddenly hit her in the gut as she remembered Stiles walking out of the cafeteria, alone and not bothering to signal his departure. It had confused her, how he had just left without saying a word, especially after they’d had such a fun conversation all through the break.

Shaking the disruptive thoughts from her mind, she finally grabbed a small bag filled to the brim with her wallet, phone, keys, and makeup in case of an emergency touch-up.

The sound of her phone buzzing sent her heart into a frenzy and she read the words carefully, slowly breathing in and out to calm herself.

Jeremy: hey, i’m in front of your place :)

Y/N took one last look at herself in the mirror, admiring the dark shade of red lipstick she’d carefully applied to her lips, before nodding with resolve and leaving her room.

Sure enough, there he was, sitting in the driver’s seat of his grey Prius, and his eyes lit up when they met hers, a warm and inviting smile drawing on his face.

Y/N smiled back at him, ignoring the slight throb of her heart as she walked closer to the car, making her way around. Much to her surprise, he immediately jumped out of the car, stumbling over to the other side of the vehicle in order to open the door for her.

“Hi,” he said sweetly, eyes not leaving hers.

“Hey, thanks for picking me up,” she murmured, cheeks turning to a deep crimson.

“My pleasure. You look really beautiful,” he said and Y/N suddenly felt strange, a distant sense of uncertainty filling her mind.

“What’s wrong with you? He’s being really sweet.” She thought to herself.

She smiled through it, trying desperately not to show how scared she felt before slipping inside the car and into the passenger's seat. He soon joined her side at the wheel and turned on the ignition, pulling onto the road and driving away from her dimly-lit house. The sun had almost disappeared beneath the horizon, leaving the sky a deep blue. Y/N gazed at it, embracing the peace that came with admiring the first visible stars of the evening. She took a mental note, memorising the view for later. She couldn’t wait to paint this.

“So, did you have a nice day?” She heard Jeremy say, and her head snapped in his direction.

“Yeah, it was great seeing my friends. What about you, how was your first day?”

Jeremy laughed, eyes fixated on the road.

“It went pretty well. I already knew a couple guys from Beacon Hills so I hung out with their group. I gotta say your school’s bigger than my old one,” he answered with a warm chuckle.

“I’m actually new- I mean new is a relative term cause I’ve been going there since September.”

“Oh really? You don’t seem new.”

“What do you mean?” Y/N asked, a confused but playful grin on her lips.

“I don’t know, you just seem like you’re exactly where you’re meant to be, like you’ve got it all figured out.”

Y/N laughed, unsure of how to answer. She had never been told she seemed confident, so this was quite a foreign concept to her.

“Thanks? I guess,” she said in between soft giggles.

“You’re welcome, I guess,” the boy next to her replied, flashing her a wide grin.

Not too long after having picked her up, Jeremy pulled into a small parking lot next to the restaurant he had picked out for them, cutting off the engine with a twist of his car keys.

“I hope you like Italian cause this place serves the best pasta in Beacon Hills.”

“Wow, the highest of praise!”

The teenagers walked into the little bistrot, and a waiter soon sat them down at a small round table by the front door. The room was dimly lit, though a rather large candle stood on the shelf behind Jeremy, illuminating the corner in which he and Y/N were seated. The sound of chatter and chaos in the kitchen filled the restaurant along with the divine smell of tomato sauce and smoked meat.

The pair carefully read the menu and ordered two bowls of pasta carbonara along with bruschetta and a bottle of water. As soon as the waiter had gone, Jeremy started up a new conversation.

“Wanna play a game?”

“Sure, what’s the game?” Y/N asked, unbelievably nervous on the inside but curious.

“It’s called 21 questions. We each ask each other 1 question after the other, you know, to get to know each other.”

“And let me guess, we stop at the 21st question?”

“Wow, you’re catching on real fast,” Jeremy joked.

“Yeah, well, I’m really smart so…”

“Okay, first question. How old are you?”

“17, how old are you?”

“I’m actually 24.”

“You’re what?” Y/N exclaimed, earning herself a couple of narrow side-eyes.

Jeremy snorted which sent Y/N into a fit of giggles.

“I’m just messing you, oh my god!”

“It’s not my fault if I was fooled by your terrific acting skills,” she replied, still laughing.

“My deepest apologies. My turn again. What’s your favourite color?” he asked.

“The color of my sweater.”

“It’s a really nice sweater.”

Y/N felt her cheeks fill with red at his remark, and she smiled shyly before clearing her throat.

“Would you say you’re a good student?”

“I’d say I’m not a bad one. Do you have any hobbies?”

“I love to paint. I actually picked it up again this year.”

“That’s really cool. What do you usually paint?”

“Nuh-uh, it’s my turn to ask a question!”

Jeremy laughed, throwing his head back.

“My bad.”

“What’s your favourite band?”

“I’m not really into bands, I like Kendrick Lamar, A$AP Rocky, stuff like that.”

“Oh okay. I don’t really listen to them. I mostly listen to rock music, so like Nirvana, Led Zeppelin.”

The food finally arrived, and the pair dug in, the delicious pasta invading Y/N’s senses with every bite.

“Wow, you weren’t kidding. Best pasta in Beacon Hills.”

“Right? It’s so good.”

Y/N almost moaned as she took another forkful of spaghetti and Jeremy stifled a chuckle.

“I see you’re really enjoying it.”

“It’s your fault for bringing me to such a nice restaurant,” she teased.

“That reminds me. Next question. Favourite season?”

“Summer! Favourite Star Wars movie?”

“Easy, none of them.”

“I’m sorry what?” Y/N almost choked on her food, sending him a wild look. “You don’t like Star Wars?”

“Uh-oh, did I poke the dragon?”

“How can you not like Star Wars?” she exclaimed, flabbergasted. “It’s iconic!”

“I don’t know, it’s just kind of repetitive. And also it doesn’t make any sense. Like, how is it that they all just perfectly understand the big bear when he makes those sounds.”

“It’s his language! And how dare you, they are not repetitive,” she half-whispered, trying to calm down before anyone could ask her to quiet down.

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry. I take it all back!”

“Thank you!”

The pair laughed and kept playing their game of 21 questions until they finished their dinner, happy, full, and content. The food had been delicious, and Y/N was actually having a very nice time, though still, a strange feeling loomed in the back of her mind, preventing her from completely enjoying the moment.

However, he was a very nice guy, he even offered to pay for dinner, telling her he had it covered. He was sweet and he seemed genuinely interested in everything she had told him that evening. So she tried to ignore her doubts, laughing at Jeremy’s jokes and smiling sweetly.

When the evening came to an end, Jeremy and her walked back to the car and headed straight to her house. The moment where they’d part was impending, Y/N couldn’t help but think about what was going to happen next. Was he going to try to kiss her? Was he expecting more? She felt her heart beat faster with every mile travelled, and she bit her lip in anticipation.

After what seemed like an eternity, the car finally came to a stop in front of Y/N’s house. All the lights seemed to be turned off, meaning her parents were probably asleep. She let out a shaky breath, placing her hand on the handle of the car door.

“Let me walk you back,” Jeremy said, shuffling out of the car. She appreciated the gesture, though she felt more and nervous by the second.

The walk up to her front porch was silent, the only sound perceivable being the chirping of small crickets gently making music with their wings.

Y/N stopped as she got to her front door, and she sighed softly.

“Well, this is me. Thank you for tonight. I had a great time,” she said.

Jeremy’s eyes bore straight into hers and he smiled.

“I’m glad you had fun. By the way, I still have one question left?”

“You do?” Y/N felt herself shrink as he took a step closer to her, his piercing blue eyes still looking deep into hers, her heart thundering in her chest.

“Yeah. Can I kiss you?” he asked gently, and Y/N paused, mind going blank.

She had known this moment would come eventually, but actually hearing the words slip from his lips made her freeze in place. Did she want him to kiss her? He had been extremely sweet and gentlemanly. He was nice and quite fun, and he even seemed to like her, unlike most of the guys she’d had her sights on in the past. But something just didn’t seem right. And much to Y/N’s dismay, she still couldn’t understand what that something was.

All she knew was that she couldn’t lead him on. He didn’t deserve that. This wasn’t amor.

Taking in a deep breath, she shook her head softly, looking him straight in the eyes.

“I’m really sorry, I don’t know why-”

“-But you don’t want to.”

“I’m sorry,” she repeated gently, concern clouding her features.

Jeremy’s smile slipped but he sent her a warm look despite his obvious disappointment.

“Is it because I don’t like Star Wars?” he teased and Y/N couldn’t help but laugh, a small wave of relief washing over her. Even after being turned down, he was nice to her. She truly didn’t deserve him.

“No! I know it’s super cliché to say but honestly, it’s not you. It’s just-” she paused, coming to terms with the fact that there was no reason for her hesitance other than a feeling.

It was so ridiculous of her.

“-I just can’t,” she finally breathed and Jeremy nodded.

“It’s really okay. Friends?” he asked, a hint of hope in his voice as he put out his hand.

Y/N shook it warmly and beamed at him, relieved that he still wanted to stay in touch.

“Definitely. I’ll see you at school?”

“Yeah, see ya!” he said before winking at her and walking back to his car.

Y/N watched the car drive off and she sighed. It had been an eventful night but a good one, and she truly was happy they could stay friends. Unlocking her front door and sending Allison and Lydia a brief text to say she was home, she walked into her bedroom and closed the curtains above her bed.

She plugged in her phone and shut it off, before slipping out of her clothes and into her pyjamas. After brushing her teeth, she climbed into bed and turned off her bedroom lights, though it took her a while to fall asleep. She couldn’t help but think about the events of the day.

Stiles walking away without saying a word really had struck a chord with her, especially since they hadn’t talked since then. She replayed the scene over and over in her head, trying to come up with a reasonable explanation for why he had done that.

Perhaps the most obvious one should have come to mind immediately, but she didn’t dare think of it, pushing it as far away from her mind as possible. He had most probably realised he was late for class, or he’d forgotten something in his locker. Maybe. Whatever it was, Y/N felt her eyes grow heavy, and eventually, she fell asleep.

🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙

The next day, Y/N walked to school, fresh air invading her lungs with every inhalation. She couldn’t wait to see her friends so she could explain what had happened the night before. Even though she hadn’t kissed Jeremy, she still had a lot to tell Allison and Lydia.

She walked into school and headed to her locker, putting in her combination before taking out the books she needed for class, when a sudden clang erupted next to her. She jumped with a gasp and whirled round, her wide eyes landing on Allison.

“Y/N! You’re not gonna believe this!” The brunette exclaimed.

“Dude, you almost gave me a heart-attack! What’s going on?” Y/N asked with a laugh.

“It’s Stiles,” Allison said, voice so serious Y/N started to feel anxious, worried something might’ve happened to him.

“What, what is it?” she pressed, eyes wide.

“He broke up with Malia.”

A/N: thank you for reading! i hope you enjoyed it! if you liked it, please please please reblog this, it would mean the world to me. it really helps us writers out and i work super hard on this series which unfortunately is flopping lol, so if u like it - reblog <3 thank you guys

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bnhababyyyy · 4 years

Text

Bro’s before that kinda bro

Chapter 6/??

Authors note: This chapter was SUPER hard to write lmfao but hope y’all enjoy!! Love u guyth😘

—————————

Ever since the night you slept over, you would go into his dorm later in the day to check on him. The two of you would study and talk for hours and eventually you would forget the time so much you just… continued to spend the night. Like, every single night.

Compared to how you used to sleep, this way felt way more eventful, sneaking in and out of his room without getting caught sent thrilling sparks all over your body. Waking up to the smell of his room and the hot tea he’d make every morning made you feel warm. Just being around him made your heart fill to the brim.

This morning you felt a little more tingly than usual. You were sure Todoroki felt the same way, today was going to be a special day for most of U.A.

“What are you planning on bringing?” You asked as you sat up from his bed.

Todoroki turned from his desk, continuing to blow on his tea. “Charger, phone, earbuds, toothpaste, toothbrush, slippers, instant soba...”

“Mm I don’t think we’re allowed to bring food… won’t raccoons come in or something?”

“No, I’ll eat it fast.”

“You can’t just eat it fast, what if you have crumbs!?”

He shrugged and got back to drinking his tea. You decided to take this as a sign for you to leave and double check your suitcase. You slowly opened the door, once the coast cleared you slipped out the door and tried to scurry far from his room. But you stopped in your tracks when you heard an all too familiar gasp.

“(Y/n) you sneaky little snake!” Mina said. “I just knew something was up!”

She stood by Todoroki’s door with her own bags. “What are you talking about? I- I was getting some things from his room! Like uhm...”

“Like his sweater?” A sinister smile formed on her face as she approached you. “How long has this been going on?”

“Uhm…Maybe...for a week?”

She pulled out her phone and continued to rant. “That makes so much sense! I just knew you were going to spend the night with him that one dinner. No wonder you never answered when I knocked on your door!”

You facepalmed. How could you forget about something like that? Mina did little surprise visits here and there, but you were so entranced with a certain someone it completely slipped your mind. “Ok but you cannot tell anyone what happened!”

Mina’s eyes went wide and she lowered her phone, your phone’s notifications went off almost immediately with all your friends bombarding you with questions.

When your shocked eyes met hers she covered her mouth. “I-I didn’t know you wanted to keep it a secret!

And just like that your sweet little secret became a now known fact.

When you boarded the bus the girls pulled you to a seat far from Todoroki, squealing about your secret sleepovers. “Ah cheer up! I’m sure you can spend a lot of time with him at the hotel.” Uraraka pat your back.

“But only during the events, I heard the boys and girls have been separated into completely different hotels.” You sighed. “The teachers would catch me if I even tried to sneak in.”

“Actually,” Mina piped up from next to you. “I did a little research on the hotel and lots of students who went said there was a secret entryway to get between both hotels!”

You and Uraraka shared a look. If this ‘secret entryway’ came to be true, both you and Uraraka would be sneaking into the boy’s hotel every night for the whole trip. It sounded a little too good to be true, but you would take any opportunity to have the thrill of sneaking around with your friends.

“And there’s more!”

“More?” You asked.

“Yes! Apparently other students have said that this place has some kind of charm to it or something.” She looked between the both of you. “They said that if people confess to their crushes here they will suddenly get into a relationship!”

“And-and what happens if you’re already in a relationship?” Uraraka asked, getting a little too into the conversation.

“Well, my sources have said that people in relationships usually get an even stronger bond after being on this trip!”

Uraraka had a deep fire in her eyes as she looked back to where Midoriya sat. And you did too. you wanted to change the relationship you had with Todoroki, if not now then when?

“Should I confess!?” You exclaimed softly.

Mina gasped. “Yes! Absolutely! It would work out I’m sure!”

“I agree, and we should get Jirou to confess too! She told me she hasn’t done it yet.” Uraraka motioned to Jirou sitting next to Kaminari. The two of them were listening to music and laughing together. “They look so cute, I’m sure he will say yes!”

You nodded. This would be a perfect opportunity for everyone to get their feelings out and if what Mina said was true, then maybe you would leave this place with a boyfriend.

By the time the bus pulled up to the resort, the sun had begun to set. It was hectic going from getting your bags to swarming through crowds of students to find your friends again. When you finally caught up with the girls you were able to take a minute to admire the location. Trees scattered the area, along with paths leading deeper into the woods, to the side you could see the sunset bounce off of the lake and hear the sounds of nature and low chatter of students fill the area.

People started handing out pamphlets as the present Mic hushed the chatter for an announcement. “Welcome to the resort you have all been working so hard to get to! All of you students deserve to get a little break after the rigorous training your teachers have put you through!” You spaced out as Present Mic went over basic rules and what the hotel had to offer for everyone.

This continued until Aizawa took the Mic from him. “It has also come to our attention that in the past, other students would sneak into the opposing genders hotel.” Everyone’s chatter started to die down even lower, now people were listening. “We made sure that more security is surrounding both hotels. If any of you get caught trying to sneak around we will have to punish you.”

Midnight hushed the crowd as they groaned and shouted protests. “Oh quiet down, it’s not like that’s the only thing you guys can do here, you guys get free food! And later on you can all do a little campfire, and- just read the pamphlet for the schedule!”

All the students perked up to this, gaining the same energy they had as when they first got here. S’mores, campfire, scary stories with friends? You felt giddy just thinking about it, there was no way it could get any better!

“But you all must be in your rooms by 9 P.M. No exceptions!”

Nope. It couldn’t get better. It got worse.

You all groaned at the reveal of new information. As the teachers showed the students to their hotels and rooms you tried to keep pace with Uraraka.

“What are we supposed to do now? I really wanted to sneak around and look at what this place had.” You said.

“Yeah, I know! But at least we get to be roommates and free food!” She bumped you with her elbow. “We can do other things, like binge watch all the seasons of Avatar!”

You began to unpack your things and place them on a certain side of the room.“That does sound kinda nice. Are we gonna go down to eat?”

“Yup! We can, but before we do I have a small question for you.” She waited for you to look at her, then continued. “I know everything’s resolved but I wanted to talk about the little fight you and Kaminari had a while ago, if that’s ok with you.”

You nodded and she took a deep breath. ”So taking all the information I’ve been given, this isn’t your first argument about Todoroki right?” You shook your head. “Ok well don’t freak out! But what if he got mad at Todoroki all the time because he…. likes you?”

“What!?” This was about the second time someone thought your relationship was deeper. What were you two doing that showed that!? “I think he cares for me of course! But I don’t see him liking me, that just doesn’t seem right!”

“You sure? What if he confesses to you on the trip or something?

“He won’t! I know Kaminari, he doesn’t have any romantic feelings for me. I think I could tell if he did.”

“Yeah you think you could tell.” Uraraka sighed as she put her luggage away. “Just don’t break his heart if he does ask.”

You lifted yourself from the floor and pinched her cheek. “I won’t, I promise. Now let’s go before everyone eats all the food.”

You pulled her around the hotel, the both of you confused on where you were. After about half an hour of looking, the both of you finally found the lunch room! The room looked sparse, a few groups eating at tables, but none of them your friends. You decided to send a quick message to find out where your friends were.

You found Kaminari’s last few texts weird but decided to just ignore it. You didn’t want to overthink anything. The two of you walked around and talked as you looked for a small campfire, once you found it you waved to everyone and sat with Kaminari.

“And so basically she was totally stabbed to death! Like a lot! The end!” Hagakure finished her story but no one seemed fazed in the slightest.

You leaned over to Kaminari, “Has anyone actually told a good scary story yet?”

“Nah, they were all kinda lame.” Kaminari handed you a s’mores. “I think Midoriya wet himself with his own story to be honest.”

You laughed. “I believe it, who’s supposed to go next?”

Kaminari shrugged, continuing to light his s’mores. Everyone began to chatter, letting Kirishima tell his ‘true’ paranormal experiences he had. But no one was getting scared.

“I have one.”

Everyone's eyes followed the voice of whoever spoke. The chatter slowed.

It was Tokoyami.

A few students moved over to let Tokoyami into the middle, giving him the spotlight. “It took place in this farm…”

Everyone sat stuck in their seats gasping and biting their nails as he told the story, completely terrified as to what would happen next. His story had twist upon twist and lots of unnerving scenery. It had you look behind yourself multiple times, feeling shivers that weren’t due to the cold.

“Then it slithered out of my grasp.” He held his hands out for emphasis, then up. “That is all. I’m done.”

Mina’s teeth clattered. “What the actual hell. Tokoyami was that based on a true story!?”

The whole group watched him, waiting for an answer. “No.” A large sigh of relief filled the woods. “It was a dream I had.”

“Bro that is not a normal dream! You were possessed I swear!” Kirishima exclaimed. “And speaking of possessions, I have another paranormal story that really happened!”

You tuned Kirishima out and turned your attention to Todoroki. He ate what looked like his second bowl of soba, but when he saw you looking at him he gestured behind himself with his head. Silently asking if you wanted to get away.

You nearly tripped trying to get out of your seat. Todoroki lifted himself following you away from the group. The two of you walked deep into the woods.

“Why’d you wanna leave?” You asked, playing with your necklace.

“Cause you looked scared. You were shaking the whole time.” He slurped his noodles and gestured toward your necklace. “I didn’t know you brought that.”

“I’ve had it on all day, it was just hidden in my sweater. And I wasn’t scared. I was cold, some people don’t have a heating quirk Shouto.”

“That sounds like a lie. I heard Midoriya peed himself and if he did that I’m sure you cried.”

“I heard that too but I wasn’t scared! I was cold, and I am still cold here, feel my hand.” You placed your hand on his neck, making him flinch and shove your hand off. You continued to mess around by pinching his cheeks with your cold hands. “There is a way for you to warm my hands up.”

Todoroki looked at you with curiosity, then he went into his deep thoughtful face.

You couldn’t help but huff. “You know something that has to do with your quirk, it could warm me up by just being in my hands.”

‘Hold my hand hold my hand hold my hand hold my hand’ you thought.

Then he seemed to connect the dots he put his chopsticks in the bowl. “Hold out your hands.” You did so, but then. You couldn’t believe it. He activated his heating quirk and placed the bowl of noodles in your hands. “You can… you can have the rest. I think you’ll like it. He said as if it pained him.

You were shocked. For two reasons, 1. He missed the opportunity to hold your hand. 2. Shouto hasn’t ever offered a good bowl of soba to anyone. Like ever. This was an extremely rare offer you were not going to pass up.

“Wow I’m honored, are you sure you don’t want any?

He held his hand out and shook his head. “As long as you’re not cold I don’t care.”

You felt a gush of appreciation for him, he said cute things sometimes.The two of you talked until you arrived at your hotel, standing in front of your hotel, basking in the sounds of nature, your friends' laughter, and the way the moonlight shined on him. He looked amazing.

“I like hanging out with you.” You whispered, careful to not break the moment.

Todoroki pinched your cheek, a smile adorning his face. “Same.”

The two of you stood there looking at each other, not saying anything. His hand lingered. The moment felt soft yet heavy and you wanted to save it. But before you could pull out your phone’s camera he very lightly ran his thumb over your eyebrow, making you lose your breath.

Then he just as quickly pulled away, holding his hand back as if he were burned. “I should go… uhm goodnight (y/n).”

You reached for him, not knowing what to say. But he only diverted his gaze and walked away from you. Leaving you to eat your noodles, not knowing what you should do next.

Why did he do that out of nowhere? Why did he stop? You didn’t understand why that whole moment even played out, he just did random romantic things like it was normal. He held your hand, cuddled with you, kissed your palm, fed you, called you till midnight, now this? You gasped. Did he finally figure out that he liked you?

You shook your head, no way, he couldn’t have figured it out. He probably needed more time, you knew how he was. You finished your bowl and walked to your room, trying to at least sleep it off.

The next day was way more eventful. The sun was beaming, making it the hottest day of the trip, but students stayed outside, taking walks, fishing, and doing scavenger hunts. But the thing that had everyone talking was an event planned for the end of the day. You hung out with Jirou and Momo, eating popsicles and talking about the upcoming event.

“I think I’m gonna confess tonight.” Jirou said.

Momo squealed. “That will be so sweet!”

“I think I’ll confess tonight too.” You flicked your stick onto the floor. If Jirou was going to do it, you might as well join in. It felt better when someone else would do the same thing with you. “We can do it together.”

Jirou smiled and rested her head on your shoulder. “I hope they say yes… Hey Momo what time do we have to be there?”

“The dance is at 8, they’re extending the lights out policy to 11.” Momo pointed her popsicle at you. “But you two should come early and help set up! It will be so much fun!”

You and Jirou agreed, probably sharing a feeling of excitement mixed with dread. You had been preparing for this moment forever, and the dance just seemed like a perfect time to confess, the mood would be set right and you would be dressed up. It would be wrong to not confess.

The day went by so slowly you felt as if you were going to die, you hoped sitting with the Bakusquad would help with the wait, but their conversations only revolved around the dance. You tried to think about anything else, tapping on the table to the ticks of the clock.

Until Jirou tapped your shoulder. You jumped out of your chair before she could even ask if you were ready, because yes. You were. You’ve been ready all day.

The two of you walked around the campus, stopping when you found a large group of teachers and students moving foldable tables around. You guys assisted the others with decorating the space and had a few snack breaks in between.

After a while the teachers dismissed students by sections so they could put on their formal clothes. You put on a pink flowy dress that matched with your necklace and felt incredibly fun to spin in. Once you finished getting dressed you met up with Jirou, giving her compliments about her dress.

“I’m so ready for this dance to start.” You checked the time on your phone. “We have 10 minutes, Jirou I think I’m gonna throw up, how are you being so calm right now?”

Jirou let out what seemed like a long repressed sigh. “I don’t know, I think I’m so scared I’m just numb to panic.” You noticed her playing with the hem of her dress. “What if he rejects me?”

You placed both hands on her shoulders. “Well he would be stupid to reject someone like you, Jirou you’re a whole package deal. If I were a dude I would propose to you right now.” You gave her a small squeeze. “You’ll be fine.”

“Ok. Yeah, yes I will be fine.” she took in a deep breath. “But you have to confess too alright? Don’t leave me hanging.”

Before you could respond Midnight announced that the dance had officially started. Music began playing and the students who helped out cheered or began dancing in the center of the room. You felt your nerves get all out of place and forgot how to breathe.

You grabbed Jirou’s hand and pointed towards the dance floor. “Do you want to dance? I need to move.”

“Definitely. Let’s go.”

The two of you bounced around to the upbeat music. Trying to let out all of your fears and dance it off. You began switching Jirou off with Momo, feeling a little lighter on your feet. You spun Momo around to the music, feeling laughter bubble out as you all danced.

After a while you noticed the Bakusquad enter the area, you all waved and gave your greetings. Bakugou went straight to the punch, not even giving the dance floor a glance while Kirishima seemed to be giving Kaminari a long boring motivational speech about something. You decided to drag Kirishima to the floor, so Jirou could have a chance to talk to Kaminari.

You laughed as Kirishima did his own dorky breakdance moves. It all felt so refreshing and fun, you just moved freely, enjoying the way the night looked, the loud music, the flickering fairy lights, just the whole moment.

You all danced to the upbeat music until present Mic switched to a slow song. Groans filled the area as students walked away from the floor and couples took it over. You looked around the room, Uraraka said Todoroki was with her and Midoriya but none of them were in sight.

Momo and Jirou started a conversation as you were spaced out. You felt a little bummed, what if Todoroki didn’t show up? You snapped out of it when you heard Momo gasp and bump you with her arm. You turned your attention to what she was looking at. Was it Todo-Nope, just Kaminari walking to your group.

“Hey… uhm this is kinda awkward but did you want to dance?” He asked scratching the back of his neck. You looked over at Jirou, waiting for her answer. It was happening, it was finally happening. Jirou will go dance with him and then confess! Kaminari continued to stare at your group. “(y/l/n)?”

What? You felt your mouth drop to the floor, looking between Kaminari and Jirou to figure out what just happened. Why did he want to dance with you all of a sudden? “Me? Don’t you mean Jirou?”

When you turned to look at Jirou for confirmation she only shook her head with a nervous expression saying that she wasn’t ready. You nodded and took Kaminari’s hand walking him to the floor, you didn’t mind giving her more time.

Dancing with Kaminari felt way more awkward than you could have imagined, he constantly shifted his hands, not knowing where to place them on your body. Whenever you went in for a spin it would catch him off guard and make you both trip up, the both of you stepped on each other’s feet, spouting apologies every second. It all felt so off and you found that both of your hands were extremely sweaty.

Then as Kaminari tried to dip you to the floor something, or rather someone caught your eye. You gasped when you saw Uraraka, Midoriya, and Todoroki all enter the area, nearly falling out of Kaminari’s grasp. Kaminari quickly pulled you up and apologized but you only patted his shoulder, too entranced by your crush walking in.

“Shouto? Hey Shouto!” You waved him over, not noticing the lingering hold Kaminari had on your wrist.

Todoroki took notice and walked your direction with a wide smile. “I didn’t think you would wear the necklace tonight.” He ran a thumb over your pendant. “It matches.”

You grabbed his hands and led him to an open area. “I told you I would wear it everyday.” The both of you were beginning to sway to the new song. “Do you want to dance with me?”

“We already are.” He whispered.

His hands snaked around your waist as yours fell on his shoulders all so naturally. It felt smooth and comfortable. Almost like you two were meant to have this moment. The fairy lights gave him a wonderful glow and his eyes shined whenever the light hit them right.

He knew exactly when to spin you, your bodies moving in sync. You spun him around as well laughing as he ducked under your arm. He then pulled you into his chest, holding you close and swaying, you could hear his heart beating just as fast as yours.

Then he shifted you and all you could do was stare into his eyes. You felt like the moment was perfect. You suddenly heard a loud blast and whipped your head to where the sound came from. Colorful sparks filled the sky, one after another catching everyone in a trance.

You had been waiting for a perfect moment like this, the fireworks just put that much more of an emphasis. You needed to confess now. You looked at the floor, feeling your face get warm. You needed to do it but you felt frozen in place, what if it all went wrong what would you-

Todoroki squeezed your hand and when your eyes met you heard your heart beat louder than the fireworks. Every thump ringing in your ears as he smiled down at you with pure joy. He cupped your face, running both his thumbs over your eyebrows, like he did last night.

You needed to do it now.

“Shouto. I think that I-” a firework cracked off as you spoke. “like you.”

He knitted his brows. “What?”

You raised your voice. “I like you!”

“I can’t hear what you’re-“

You moved without thinking and smashed his lips into yours, it was a quick peck to the lips but it felt like your face was on fire. Everything went so right, you didn’t expect yourself to even move like that!

When you fluttered your eyes open you were met with a shocked face. Your stomach dropped.

“(Y/n). Why would you...?” Todoroki stepped away from you, wiping his mouth, an emotion you hadn’t seen on his face in a while appeared.

“Wait, what.” You felt heat rise to your face. “Oh no, I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to kiss you it just happened, I’m so sorry.”

He shook his head with pure disgust. You felt your whole body get hot, every drop of sweat burned your skin.

“What made you think I wanted you to do that?”

You couldn’t move, your body went rigid. He cursed under his breath, not even bothering to look at you.

“Shouto im-“

“No. I need a minute just… I need to go.”

You stood in the middle of the floor as Todoroki pushed through other couples. Your thoughts raced as your heart thumped in your ears, the music was getting too loud. The scene began replaying in your head over and over, as you felt yourself moving away from the groups of people but not feeling intact with your actual body.

Your face was starting to get wet and your breathing hitched. You aggressively swiped at the tears as you stormed away, hoping no one saw you. Your sight got so blurry and the scene replayed in your head so much you felt a nasty pit grow in your stomach and crawl to your throat.

You didn’t want this to happen at all. You thought that the two of you would talk it out and still be friends but he was so disgusted. You felt sick.

“(Y/l/n)? Is that you?” You paused. Who was looking for you?

You used the end of your dress to dry your tears “Uhm-hm hm, wh-what do you need?”

You heard them move around a tree and gasp when they saw you. It was Kaminari. “Woah, are you okay?�� Your mouth wobbled but before you could speak a sob forced its way out. He immediately pulled you into a deep hug, letting you bawl into his shoulder. “Hey… hey… it’s okay... why are you crying what happened?”

“Sh-showtooo rejected me and-and hnnmmf mmff” you laid your face into his shoulder not able to form sentences. He only hummed and began rubbing circles into your back.

“I’m sorry...Something like that happened to me too, except I was the one doing the rejecting- but still I’m sorry that happened.”

“You were probably nice about it. You probably rejected her in the nicest wa-ay possible.” You hiccuped.

“That jerk, he makes it so hard for me to not hate him. He only cares about himself.”

You lifted yourself from his shoulder. “No, he does care about others.”

“Probably others but not you.” He made direct eye contact. “The stuff he does to you really pisses me off. He just takes advantage of all the things you give him- has he ever thanked you for everything you’ve done for him?”

You pulled your necklace into view, ready to argue.

He shook his head.“Doesn’t count. I’m sure he used his dad's money for that. Normal people don’t buy expensive things as an apology, they just say sorry. Who does he think he is? I mean seriously.”

“Kaminari…”

“If I was in his position… if you felt the same way for me I would treat you right. I wouldn’t play with your feelings like it was some kind of game.” His volume raised as he spoke, this conversation was leading to a whole other place than you imagined. “He got so lucky getting you to smile at him like that and he just threw it away!”

“Do you like me?” The question just popped out with no hesitation. At this point you could tell what he was hinting at and you didn’t want him to rant any longer. His face flashed fear as he looked at you.

“I’m sorry.” His head dropped and he pinched the bridge of his nose. “I shouldn’t like you, but It just happened, you just… give a lot of love to everyone and I mistook your love for me as… something romantic.”

You pat his shoulder. “I’m sorry.” You started to feel pressure behind your eyes. “Kami…I-I still like him and I can’t move on that quickly. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s not your fault.” Kaminari sat onto a bench nearby and hid his face. “I can’t walk you to the hotel right now, can you walk by yourself?”

You slowly nodded, giving him a glance before walking away. What are you supposed to say after getting a confession you know you couldn’t accept? You wanted this day to end. You checked your phone, it was already way past midnight. You groaned knowing you would have to sneak back into your hotel.

As you approached closer you were surprised to see Jirou standing by a tree near the hotel. Probably trying to sneak back as well.

But instead of a greeting she only scoffed. ”I saw you with Kaminari a while ago.”

“Yeah, Todorki rejected me and we were talking about it. Why?”

“Did he ever tell you that he didn’t like me? Like at all?”

You froze. Now that you thought back to it, Kaminari did say that he rejected someone. “Jirou I’m so sorry that happened.”

“No you’re not. You knew he would reject me didn’t you? I’m pretty sure you knew he had a thing for you.” Tears began to run down her face. “Cause the whole time we were dancing he was only looking at you, every single time I was with him he would stare at you. Did you have me confess to look stupid?”

“What!? Jirou I wouldn’t do that- I only found out he liked me today!”

“Are you stupid!? Are you actually stupid? You found out that he liked you today? It’s been so obvious, even I knew it!”

“Well if you knew then why did you confess? You’re stupid for blaming me for something out of my control, I only liked Todoroki!”

“Yeah right, you probably kept Kaminari as a backup option in case Todoroki didn’t work out.”

Your eyes went wide. You didn’t expect her to say anything like that or even get into an argument with her. She was projecting her anger onto you and it seriously pissed you off.

Before you could even open your mouth, Midnight walked right in front of you two. “Ladies, do the two of you know what time it is?” You and Jirou stuttered an excuse but Midnight only held out her hand. “Ah-Ah! you are probably the 8th students I’ve caught tonight! I’m gonna write you two up and make sure you’re punished when we get back. For now just get to your rooms.”

You and Jirou were absolutely shocked. The two of you walked in the same direction but a fair distance apart, you didn’t want to argue about her getting you two caught. It was an awkward walk to your room since Jirou’s room was on the same floor, but once you reached your room you slid to the floor. This whole night you had been looking forward to was a disaster.

You felt tears trickle down your face as you held back sobs. For the first time in a while, you cried yourself to sleep while thinking about Todoroki.

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(Some accounts aren’t tagging😭 I’m sorry if u were supposed to b on the tag list and u see this post later I don’t know how to fix it??)

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warsofasoiaf · 4 years

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I hope I'm not bothering u by asking more about JonCon (tho I'm not the anon who asked) but I want to clarify: do you need to sympathize with a character in order to enjoy their pov? I'm not sympathetic towards Theon, but I understand why he does what he does. Cersei too. Same with JC, though I still think he's a bad guy for being ready to kill innocents, I completely understand why he would end up with those intentions. Or do you just find JC's reason for embracing butchery insufficient ?

I’m not bothered by it, and I don’t think you need to be sympathetic to enjoy his POV. I think Victarion’s chapters are a laugh riot albeit in a black comedy kind of way. I have fun reading his chapters and how gloriously stupid lines like “I SHALL SAIL ACROSS THE DOTHRAKI SEA!” are delivered in absolute earnestness. Victarion has no sympathetic qualities; hell, for as much as I don’t like JonCon, he’s more sympathetic than Vic, not that that’s a high bar to clear.

Jon Connington’s problem, at least for me, is that he’s written to be sympathetic, in some small part at least. The character is meant to evoke pathos, everything from his pining for the lost Rhaegar to his mission to seat Aegon which takes on a new urgency with the greyscale that he caught trying to save Tyrion, a good deed that get punished horrifically. All of these things suggest a man reduced, consumed, who has been turned into something terrible. He says, “I understand hate well enough,” and it’s meant to show that he has supped on a negative emotion and it’s twisted him. But this isn’t a man who has fallen from a state of excellence, twisted by negativity into a mockery of all he stood for, which could evoke sympathy for the lost sense of grace. This was a man who from the first was unsympathetic. He attempts to serve Robert up to an unjust execution solely to get attention from Rhaegar. He demands that the smallfolk do likewise, proving he neither understood them nor cared to do so. So when his life lesson is “I should have murdered those innocent people,” we’re not seeing a noble man who cared for innocent people now becoming their future tormentor, and we’re not seeing a man with positive qualities who has lost them along the way. We’re seeing a man who was a selfish asshole simply get worse, which evokes no sympathy. There are well-written passages that consistently reinforce this idea that he has some sense of sympathy to evoke, from “I tried to grasp a star, overreached, and fell” to signify loss to “I failed the father, but I will not fail the son” to signify resolution. These passage are of excellent quality, but they don’t evoke the feeling that they are clearly intending. Rhaegar didn’t care about him, and Connington’s resolute mission is a lie, he knows that it is when he says that “the eyes are darker, darker than this boy’s.” When the realization comes in that Varys is stringing this man along, it should evoke sympathy, manipulating a man’s deep personal feeling like that is sickening, but he’s such a willing dupe that I can’t feel sympathetic. So neither the man’s tragedy of his past that consumes him, nor the need to fulfill his mission to find some measure of solace and accomplishment, nor him being manipulated in the present give me any reason to care, so it falls flat.

It’s like Darkstar in that way. Martin wrote Darkstar attempting to recapture the lightning in a bottle he had with Oberyn Martell, but it failed and Darkstar was just a flop who couldn’t menace his way out of a paper bag. As an Oberyn Martell type, he failed, but I could find unintentional humor in his almost campy ridiculousness to the point where nine-year old Myrcella basically responds to his antics with a flat “K.” There’s no unintentional humor I can find here, Connington is just pathetic. Without him being sympathetic, all of these passages simply fall flat. I understand why he’s doing it, I just don’t care, and with every passage suggesting that I am supposed to care, I just get more frustrated with the chapter, and it decreases my enjoyment.

One of the most depressing things about history is that people have used as petty or even pettier reasons to justify mass cruelty. I don’t think that the motivations are insufficient; they’re perfectly fine such as they are. Connington as a villain is perfectly serviceable. He’s a man willing to steamroll over any innocent life if it makes him feel fulfilled, or at least engage in the fantasy of it, that’s absolutely normal small-to-mid tier villain stuff. But he’s not just a villain, he’s a POV trying to get me to care about what he’s about to do and why he’s doing it, and all I see is loser resolved to murder the innocent for a fiction he already knows is a lie and too emotionally small to admit it.

Thanks for the question, Lefford.

SomethingLikeALawyer, Hand of the King

#jon connington

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rigelmejo · 3 years

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thank u @meichenxi for ur absolutely gorgeous amazing in depth shadowing answer when i asked.

u can ignore the rest of this post its just gonna be me ranting ToT.

i tried the most tiny form of shadowing and. i think i should try doing it more ;-;. I tried doing what you said - listening to the stress in the sentence, chunking how i say it back if i can’t say the whole sentence (like saying the last phrase, getting that right, then trying to say the last 2 phrases in the sentence, etc). And I realized how BAD i am at doing that beyond literally 1 word chunks or short 2 word chunks like 你知道. Obviously plenty of phrases which are just 4-6 hanzi, but i would mess up with even just those! I could read it, and I could read a sentence aloud one word at a time. But I could not shadow without a ton of errors when I tried repeating lol.

I also took your advice (or maybe the konglongmandarin advice? or both?? i can’t remember who said to do this) of trying to shadow without looking at the text. While i looked at it the first time to read over the sentence, when i actually tried to shadow i just focused on what i HEARD and repeating it AS IT SOUNDS (not as the pinyin look, not looking at the words so i know the tone). just literally listening, then only using the audio to practice saying it out loud myself. and that takes WAY MORE ACTIVE LISTENING SKILLS then i apparently have lol! I could only do this again with 1-2 word chunks! Anything longer and my brain would forget what tones it heard, forget some of the words, and my mouth would forget to say ‘xie’ right even though i would have JUST saw the character and just heard it correctly and i CAN pronounce it... but on the spot, with no aid but ‘hear the sound, now replicate it’ i just kept messing it up! Lol!

I am sure trying to shadow more will improve my actual listening ability, because i had to focus so MUCH on listening in order to shadow. I had to focus even more then in a show or listening to an audiobook - because i had to do more than just recognize words, i had to say them myself and attempt to say them correctly. so... i will definitely be working up to bigger phrases and sentences, since literally this is so difficult lol ToT (the suggestion to phrase chunk and try first just one, then build up to a full sentence, if u can’t remember or do the whole thing, is helpful - also i think its what Pimsleur kind of does).

I was listening so much harder because i was not looking at the text, and since i was focusing so much on replicating HOW it sounded i didn’t have time to think ‘ok what is this word, what is its pinyin, what is its tone, what tone changes do i do if it’s 3 3rd tone hanzi in a row’... whereas when im speaking to someone, or myself, i can think all of that first (tho it slows down my speech). but since shadowing the point is to replicate and learn from imitating correct pronunciations (instead of seeing pronunciations on paper), it required a lot more active listening. and i think its probably very good training for speaking skills, speaking ease, and again active listening. maybe also for ingraining tones in words and phrases... i know the tones with words, but i constantly CONSTANTLY have to think about it when i’m speaking like ‘did i say the right one? did i change it when i was supposed to? if i say this phrase what part do i change?’ and even if i know what i’m talking about and know the words i just slow down a lot. so maybe more shadowing will help make more of this a bit more instinctive?

anyway. super hard lol.

i tried with some sentences in Chinese Spoonfed Audio files i have, just because its simple learner material, and already has a built in pause to repeat. And i still fumbled brutally over my words lol! doing this from a show sounds even horrifically harder! So... catch me trying to do it eventually, sometime much sooner than i feel ready for it!

I remember i used to do it just months into learning chinese, but it was just for simple stuff since those were easy words to pick up: 该死，你知道吗没事吧，你怎么了，你放心，别担心，明白了吗？，好名字，他死了，没问题，我没事，太好了，行了，行不行，是不是，还有，我喜欢你，什么东西，天的，漂亮 etc. After stuff got more complicated i basically stopped trying to repeat after shows, i felt i made so many tone mistakes etc constantly i decided it was too hard and i might be reinforcing bad habits if i don’t look at pinyin with tones marked ToT (when i say ‘do shadowing’ i do not mean recording myself or doing anything nearly as impressive and structured as you described lol ToT i mean literally just repeating the character whenever they said something i could say easily after - and those kinds of phrases above i heard enough to do that and were short enough to).

while i think yeah that stunted my speaking a lot? i also am not sure if the judgement call i made was kind of solid to be fair. i was very confused by tones until about a year in when i had a language exchange partner for a while - i had been pronouncing 3rd tone like the 2nd tone, had been rising my 3rd tone too often, and was told basically GO LOWER - LOWEERRRRRR. Until i finally grasped ‘ok 3rd tone is more like just the LOW’ tone. and if you pronounce it fully like in an elongated wo... wo bu zhidao, then yeah you will hear it dip then go up. And if its before another 3rd tone its a 2nd tone. but if you just hear it, you’re generally hearing ‘low’ without really much rise, and starting lower than the 4th tone drop (so the drop in 3rd tone isn’t as clear). And until someone TOLD ME 3rd tone was so low i just had no idea, i could NOT even hear it right. And that’s why i still have some fears about shadowing... if i do NOT know a language feature? I have a decent chance of literally being UNABLE to hear it. Unable to hear it correctly, unable to notice it. For me i literally could NOT tell how my 3rd tone sounded wrong. I had to be told to notice ‘THIS IS HOW LOW IT GOES’ and ‘GO LOWER’ constantly until i got it. With 1st tone, i kept accidentally doing 2nd tone because i could NOT hear that i was raising my voice at the end. It took someone repeatedly telling me its not so much ‘high’ as it is ‘completely level’. 1st tone u do not raise or lower ur pitch! i did not even hear myself doing it until i got called out and constantly tried to consciously notice if i was keeping it the same exact level or not.

And now i get the same issues with ‘c’ and ‘sh’ and ‘b’ and ‘q’ noise in chinese... i use the app 普通话学习 to practice pronunciation (it grades you). And no matter what i can RARELY hear how i do ‘c’ and ‘sh’ and ‘b’ wrong. I have listened to examples, i’ve repeated them, i’ve read different books way of describing the sounds. In the app i try to repeat the hanzi that start with those over and over, and whether i get ‘perfect’ or ‘wtf did you say’ is literally luck. i cannot tell at all how i am mistakenly pronouncing them, when i say them wrong. i can’t hear my mistake at all, i can’t hear any difference between my pronunciation and the examples. (Same with ‘eng’ and ‘en’ endings... but i think i might.. maybe hear a difference in my pronunciation to theirs... still though i have no idea).

So a big reason i didn’t shadow much, ESPECIALLY trying to shadow without pinyin to look at and DOUBLE check i know the correct tone etc, is because i worry i will keep reinforcing bad pronunciation i can’t even HEAR in my own voice. I will go ‘ok yes finally! i imitated the audio right!’ and then not realize i fucked up 4 things i just cannot hear properly. I just cannot tell i’m even doing wrong. I worry about that significantly less now, since i generally always get my tones right if i know them... so i’m guessing i have a solid enough sense of how they’re supposed to ‘correctly’ sound now that if i hear them in audio without text, i will have enough in my brain to instinctively recognize its a part of the sound that exists and replicate it as i’m hearing it. (though i am still constantly afraid i’ll hear a tone wrong, replicate wrong, and not even fucking notice i’m making a mistake). Now most of the fear is just with those couple initials and finals i just... fuck up half the time and CANNOT hear why they’re wrong. i can’t hear the difference at all. but i’ve been consistently messing them up for like 4 months now so... if i haven’t improved them in this long, i might as well still do some practice like with shadowing. i’ve been using that pronunciation app, and even with all of it doing its best to tell me ‘it sounds WRONG’ i can’t tell. so i could call using that app ‘reinforcing bad habits’ at that point just as much as shadowing, maybe. i get the sounds right half the time, wrong all the time, cannot hear the difference. so i don’t think shadowing is gonna hurt me much more than i’m already hurting myself here... since its pretty clear unless i get someone to explain, i’m unable to fix these bits.

anyway that is the tldr for why i didn’t shadow much at all. and maybe... maybe my tones are decent enough now... i might try a bit more. although when i tried yesterday, i was literally so afraid i fucked up the tones that i went to look up the sentences to double check i hadn’t. and i still could not ‘name’ the tones i was saying as i repeated them in shadowing. i was too busy speaking, i had no idea IF i was doing tones or WHICH ones i was just focusing EVERYTHING on trying to remember the sounds i heard and repeat. not the meaning, not the words specifically, not the tones lol. yes i am a mess lol ToT

#rant #april #april progress #shadowing #yes just me going ??? under the cut #anyway shadowing hard and id LOVE to do it more #but i also remembered i have a HUGE fear of reinforcing bad speaking mistakes i might be making #because i know in chinese especially #(but even in french this was an issue! i just find pronucniation errors in chinese cost much MORE in understanding #versus french where with a rough accent i still felt decently understood)#like when i read i look up audio of pronunciation but it doesnt require me to #say it aloud and fuck up my habits

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misterbitches · 3 years

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Hello! @flootweed replying to the post from before. the long format was killing me. why does tumblr look like this...

I haven’t watched episode 8 yet...or have I? If it’s the most recent one. No.

Is the hornbill a bird? It probably is but I have a terrible memory and I’m dumb so. I skipped the last few weeks because I’m scawwed. How are you liking it? I did see someone say that the hornbill makes sense (without knowing what it is...at all) bc heart transplant patients only live like 5-15 years after but someone in those comments pointed out that he was so young when he got his and that’s pretty rare so he has a higher likelihood of survival. Frankly, this is the only way I will proceed. Since when did shows ever care about the heart transplant health? Never and it needs to stay that way!

What did we think of ep 6? LMAO. I need opinions! And omg it makes me feel special when I can point things out to people because I so...rarely get to LOL. Editing is like one of my favorite things ever so I can be super particular about it but I try to do the thing you do when you’re supposed to see if it works within its context. I’d like to go in with scissors and glue but alas.

THe mic covering....the rustling....it’s like guys...please. Ironically the audio today wasn’t great. I don’t know why. IDK if you watch c-dramas but I am not even sure what’s worse between them because they dub their dramas. But actually no it’s best to have the dubbing because even tho it is painful they have to put a lot of effort into it. LOL.

Right? @ Aey! It’s just weird if they would show us more about what he’s done instead of saying he’s done sth bad and not even explaining that....like you could even do some shitty exposition. I think if he is to be a true villain then we really need to be privvy. All the warnings make it seem like he’s a fuckin’ serial killer so when we get the scene of him at home it’s like....actually this is really serious? Maybe his pain is like...for a reason. Althought you won’t even TELL US WHAT HE’S DONE WRONG BESIDES BE JUST FUCKING WEIRD AND ANNOYING! So from what we have it’s just a realllllllll fucked up sad person lol. god i forgot about the dinner! and i totally agree. he really needs them to succeed. i like your theory because it would make the scene where he like blocks the twitter user make more sense. he also says they dont really know each other etc so it’s realllllyyyyy probable that he just sees it as a way out. if not then we shall pretend u wrote it :)

god yea i wouldnt say it is art but i also guess we technically have to since it is technically. in the way that technically performance artists are artists but mostly i uh technically ignore them. Also one of my fav BLs is called the best twins. If you do not know what it is I will not elaborate further.t

i want to know more abt poli sci majors lmao but they sound DRAMATIC/ hopefully most ppl in ur cohort arent losers!

hahahha i understand. there was just a thing on twitter about DSA and then the day before about reading discourse. the same thiings. over. and over. and over. and over. we are our own worst enemies but also our own best friends? but i hate tankies and that wont change. but hasan’s a decent guy. he said sth abt black ppl during biden’s primaries in GA or whatever and i was like chill. but he’s insecure and has adhd which means ur more open to being wrong and changing otherwise u will suffocate and die.

and totally about hiding fuck ups. i’ve tried really hard bc of organizing IRL to like...be honest, question, etc but also like...approach it naturally? because if you’re trying to be perfect and so worried you’ll fuck up you don’t realize that puts more stress on you, makes you seem like a robot, and could potentially not make you realize the mistkaes you made. also if we’re privileged in certain spaces there is just no possible way we won’t get something wrong. im light and i know that honestly any way to speak up on colorism is going to be difficult and that’s a space where i have power so i just have to figure it out. we should be uncomfortable because we have to sit with unpleasant feelings and sort through our own whatever. that just makes the next time even better and people can trust u more. i think some people sweat it sooo much or maybe they think their personal life and what theyve been through is more the norm? on the other hand people can be sf reactionary in the worst way and idk what their issue is. there was also a user who said sth very inch arresting about tankies which i thoroughly enjoyed (how like violent lefitsts or tankies / ppl who are like ooh a gun whatever just want to be violent in another space so they have shit tendencies from jump and nothing of substance which i think i agree with tbh fo ra lottttt of ppl. like their anger is actually like “no im about to beat that ass” instead of what we actually want to get done)

sort of in the same vein re: taking it easy...we coudl all be more understanding too. to slow it down like you mentioned about not being privvy to fucking eveyrthing and saying anything on our mind. i saw this person talk about y2k which was a huge deal while happening bc it was the turn of the millenium (bruh were u even alive?) but this twitter user grew up in a super super SUPER religious household and was like why do ppl make jokes about Y2K it was insanely traumatizing? though my first instinct was confused ive tried hard to like look more before i judge especially thanks to a friend of mine. turns out that with the further reading the more we found out he was just really traumatized; it was very common in religious households to be afraid of 2000. so we could have come at him with no understanding and he could have thought that everyone had the same experience with that year that he did. his feelings sit precedent though but i think it was just very hard for him to fathom.

i didnt reply bc he didnt need that and what could i have said? he’ll see what the truth is with exposure and unfortunately this was something he really did go through.

and that’s what makes most people think others could be over the top. because it sounded ridiculous but then it was this huge traumatic thing that we could have never known about. so maybe when someone sounds like actually crazy they have an explanation? of course some ppl are just batshit or annoying but that’s anywhere not just leftists it’ just means more i guess when a ~~librul is annoyed~ but it can be easy to want to make fun of ppl too. lmao. basically what i am saying is the internet? especially twitter? for leftists? in this economy? bitch it’s the wild west out here.

i am 29! idk if i said it or not. i am OLD u probably werent even born in the year i was talking about wah. i know not old-old or old at all but compared to you i’m due for a colonoscopy.

omg i hope u can get vaxxed soon! are you wfh rn? i hope ur also not in a bad state as in state state not state as in ur being :| bleh what a fucking time. it sucks that you have to fucking do work. well unless u like school. which i hope u do. i just assume everyone hates it cos i did lmao

was it the lindsay ellis drama? that bitch is dumb. if there was other drama oh wait the drama i was referring to it all happened on the same day. idk book twitter that well but i saw something from someone who was abt that shit and wowie! the american people are not that.....intelligent to put it lightly.

i’ll get better. ppl tell me they miss me and im like aw. i have insanellllyyy bad insomnia and a lot of stuff happened this year HOWEVER I SLEPT FOR TWO DAYS FOR 8 HOURS AT A REASONABLE TIME. im a new woman. anyways you too! i hope ur not too burnt out with school. we just dont know when the burnout is or we just dont know we are burnt out until we are. the panaramiciccici hit and all the things i was ignoring kind of just fell on me and sooo much happened at once. and frankly it’s hard to take care of ourselves. lord.

Like if you aren’t interested in expanding on the issue in a way that hasn’t been done before all you gotta do it like… spread resources and donate if you can. I dont see the point in having to say something about every issue especially if you (not at you specifically just in general) aren’t immediately impacted by the issue. Like is the 14 yr old white marxist named sarah on twitter really gonna have meaningful insight on anti-asian violence ?

this is part of why i cannot telecommunicate. i dont want to do shit on the internet. i am able bodied so i know that this time has been of such ease for other people. but mentally i just can’t. i don’t have a comment on hand like that and i hvae no desire to engage with ppl that way. i am a super super super solitary person but thats bc it’s MY time so when it’s like all this effort with other people i dont ever want to be alone. it’s the same with the way i approach filmmaking. it isnt a sole thing so i hate it not together. that’s part of how u can get so sucked in and repeat doom scrolling. i was in this webinar last may after [redacted] and this black woman prof said “read with a community and talk” because otherwise she said we are torturing ourselves. you can’t carry that weight all on your own. unfortunately i hate zoom, discord, slack, signal, whatsapp, facetime. you name it this panera has made it evi.. L

you make a really excellent point. i think the young young gen zers are really really just interesting because it’s like this whole new world for them with leftist politics and they just can’t grasp the horrors of the world and the kind of freedom being a leftist can bring. and so many people don’t grow out of it. those people so happen to be the “least productive” in terms of how much time they spend IRL withe these issues. naturally, younger kids are gonna have a harder time. they are not as mobile as well so the internet becomes this place. but then it’s this echo chamber. and many times just things posted without sources. and social media NEEDS that to exist.

i think of the irony of leftist kids on tik tok and while i am happy it’s reaching them it’s just....different. very different. the growth of social media is so good but also so fucking sad, it’s too much! i think the point about not writing everything is major. even i have to do this which is part of the disappearing.y ou need to detach and make sure your head is on straight again. but when you think eveyrone has to be privvy to every thought and you can’t just sit back....which twitter and social media doesn’t encourage. you have to join in. that’s often why when i have something to say it is dense because i don’t feel like repeating it. ever. lmao ust ever. i cant pay attn. social media is a fucking minefield for my brain u can get so lost in it and absorb it but once u start talking you may not be able to stop.

i think a big part of that is it not being a leisurely thing but sort of just in our lives always. this sounds like a grandpa rant but ykwim. We dont have to see the same thing over and over again. And eventually it gets sincerely diluted or its diluted bc of capitalism or whatever. Or if theyre very young or maybe they don’t have like the greatest way of sharing the knowledge? then it can be butchered. I hope this is making sense...i’m talking beyoond the boring surface-level milquetoast shit. i see really ahistorical stuff on there from leftists (like this thing about NK + africa and it being a beneficial rship as opposed to a um not beneficial one. and it isn’t. beneficial but this young black girl was talking abt it and noname rtd and i was like it’s just too complex. there’s no good/bad here just bc it’s not america. dont get me started on this.)

but Lol that was kinda off topic but I think what I meant in my last reply about not turning off the voice in my head is about when I consume media, not necessarily when I’m online talking about. Even if I have criticism for something, I’m usually pretty chill when consuming fandom content bc I think being serious online all the time is kinda boring. Like sometimes I’m analyzing theme and shit but really most of the time im memeing.

exactly.........gotta laugh. thats why sometimes im like i cant think lmao. unfrotunately i have been ARGUING with ppl on the internet for rly no reason when i could have replied to ur very nice fun wholesome message. i love torture. i miss memes.

“ i think the people who get the least enjoyment out of that are those so obsessed with getting upset with anyone thinking outside of their lines as if it equates to them “ EXACTLYYYYY

kekekekeke im glad u got it. it’s like with conservatives throwing around snowflake. now im beginning to question who the real complainers are.

LMAO exactlyyyy. i posted a screenshot of this writer from twitter saying that exact thing. Like first of all, I’m...an adult? and if you are as well uh? i’m sorry for you but are we 12? But how is it affecting u this viscerally? And if it does why dont u...do...research? pihgofuaipoajghou but honestly everything u said. we’re trained to go into it with nothing. i was only around ur age when i started to get more serious about this stuff but you’re like lightyears ahead of where i was at 21. did i say this but i’m in iww and literally i can tell u in 2016 i did not think 2019 me would be in a union bc i told my friend in a train station that we don’t need unions. i was 23...but the thing is i didnt know what i was talking about. at all. and i knew i didnt know and she knew i didnt know and now i am the clown.

also yes at critical engagement. i had to learn so much through experience and this is tuff that i coudlnt be shielded from. there’s an empathy you kinda have to develop and this understanding that you move through the world as this person who is “nowhere and everywhere; nothing and everything” so i’ve always had to think about things differently just to survive. that’s also what can drag a lot of people towards it like theres so many black kpop fans bc i think a lot of the pain in SK can be mirrored (sort of) through our history. and theres currently a history now but it had to be forged. uh what was my point oh yea however i wouldnt have been able to move further if i didnt have my background to go off of bc i knew something was off when i started getting into all these things (ill give u a hint) but if i had no prior knowledge and didnt have to think about it then the critical approach is either stale or stupid.

i had to research but i dont understand how ppl are so bold with little to no research and understanding? thhey just inherently know with also like ZERO experience in what they need experience in. engaging critically means “how i see the world” with dashes of trying to be open adn understanding or whatever. actually that’s another thing like being afraid of criticizing things bc theyre foreign to you so u give it a pass (like we discussed) but it doesnt hAVE TO BEEEE JUST REAAAAAD and then take all the info ur teensy brain and apply it. be a normal human being and dont be fucking rude and racist. thats it! u can complain abt literally anything without being a dick.

as we start with LW and end with LW.....what do we think (i asked this already) omg please share wbl thoughts i THINK i know what ur talking about. well it could be two things; their rship when they came back and the physicality and then pei shou yi. i almost dont even want to use my brain to fucking look at that. i think wbl can get away with more bc of visual~*~*~* reasons (like literally, the look of the show. there’s more space to get lost in the frames. many thai dramas are a lot more literal? this isn’t the right word but it’s very heavily character focused particularly bc of $ i think) though good production also underscores flaws so i am also wrong. but like do u know what i mean? u have to kinda focus on it? or maybe it’s just cos like.....ur so used to it in thai bl idek. i’ve seen tw bl ofc.

look i swear i will justify this forever bc there are some things we miss right but if u feel like someone’s a bad actor....theyre bad. it’s about tone movement etc etc etc and since most thai bl productions have 0 interest in that....well. they take these newbies and put them in these situations. we dont understand thai but if we see them and we’re like “wow this is really bad” then they’re bad lmao. IDC i will never be like cos idk what theyre saying NO WHY HE LOOK LIKE A ROBOT???????? DOES HE EMOTE? why is he CRYING WITH NO TEARS? and it’s not even a total requisite to cry with tears(i mean for me it is) but it’s just like what is happening on ur face right now young man????????

painful.

the inflection stuff is very valid ooh good point tho but that’s only a part of the piece. plus we get used to the way they communicate. like the ppl from sotus were prtty bad. i dont like that show but thats an ex of ppl liing the actors and the person i thought was better other ppl dont think that? well apparently hes a shitty guy but. um. so when theres decent acting its so glaring.

although i must say even tho i dont care for 2gether anymore and would never like to be reminded about its existence (only bc i just cringe lol) i honestly....didnt think bright was a bad actor? but people keep saying he is and i am much more inclined to believe them than myself. though i am not often dickmatized that could have been it. until he opened his mouth and ruined it and then i stopped paying attn.

although honestly i’m so much more critical than i could be positive. i have ben stumped for the last day about how i wasnt mad at his acting in the show. is it me? is it him? who’s......the wrong one.....(me)

oh shit they have been denied? i haven’t been paying attn to whats been going on recently. i just got into it on MDL because of snowdrop. sometimes i literally cannot engage bc ill just be like alright well im black so this power button in my head is going off when ppl talk abt that shit. back in the day when kpop jawns were saying some real outta pocket anti black shit (now everyone is slick with it) it’d always be THEY DONT HAVE GOOGLE THEYVE NEVER SEEN A BLACK PERSON but really it’s like no...maybe they are just racist? that’s ok too.

also the past 2 weeks have been um atrocious bc how fucking easily people fell into the pit of white supremacy and started to turn their ire towards black people and making a competition between our groups just like they wanted. it’s not about the women who are dead anymore, who were sex workers, their womanhood, being asian, being poor anymore. it’s about how much black people get attention and why people only pay attn to us. i am not feeling very generous this week for ppl to excuse that hsit.

on a lighter note, ppl say that abt the whole husband and wife thing. i dont know how to explain how angry that shit makes me but maybe it’s because i do not want to think of my body in relation to a fucking penis at all hours of the day. if bls could kindly not do that it would be nice lmao

yes there are a lot of those. who are only there to gawk lmao. and just idk worship bc of the cult of personality thing bc of how weird and open they have to be as actors. some of the others are people who /think/ theyre really smart (i think im asmart but i also think i am very dumb and i have adhd to prove that MEDICALLY!!!) but are actually not? or their observations arent great? or idk if they are they arent interesting? but i think well..........we have more refined palettes :P

jk also theres just different personalities. you and i mesh more bc we have a lot of the same beliefs and are coming from the same place. that makes it easier to understand as well. i really try to remember that but some people are really weird so. again just...the perception of certain things even down to acting skills. but i also dont like.......believe this genre can really do anything at all. on one hand i want them to do it right bc it’s a piece of work so they should. be proud of it. cos most things arent advancing us bc representation and culturalism are a lie bla bla. it’s just that when the depictions are negative or not done well it adds to the problem as opposed to the things that are well done are fairly benign and can’t really pull us back (perf example is the black panther film. i woudl definitely not say it was transgressive as a literal work but visually it’s just stunning. and it’s sad that it’s stunning and surprising but still with basically an all black cast of mostly dark people abd like what it means in the zeitgeist yes. it’s also just a good movie. but it’s still imperialist prop and unfortunately and this is fucking pathetic to say it “opened eyes” in other countries where they hate black ppl and ignore their own racialized minorities HENNYWAYSSSS a better ex is moonlight except moonlight isnt mainstream and is indie tho...still thru a funnel of capital bc a24 but who cares bleed the fuckers dry is my motto. my point is moonlight is both a great work and doesnt bring any failures to the table and its existence helps in ways outside of art but they arent the defining things giving us material advancement sooooo i mean it’s complex (this is my conclusion to everything um guys it’s complex)

er i had one more point in conjunction to above. oh yea so i like dont need all these extra things to make it progressive. like people really want more women in the show and i am honestly like i really dont. i dont want them to actively do this. if they cant do it naturally then let someone else do it. i am not asking for more bc i dont want it from them. when something comes along i embrace it but i do not see why women should be represented when the genre RELIES on patriarchy. there is no complete satisfying existence for the women in these series. i dont want it. i dont ask people to show us~*~* or respect~* like fuck no the people who make it make it and hopefully more will make it in the future but i will not beg bc THEY DONT WANT TO DO IT SO WOULD FORCING IT MAKE IT BETTER? just fucking leave them out entirely. that’s the answer if theyre gonna make nasty female characters then those bitches can geaux. we have other plcaes to be. booked. and. BUSY!

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