#like i did like it just at the time (liek a year ago maybe) thought it was super boring

[0-bugboy-0]

I WANA DRAW THETA SO SO BAD RN

[byjovewhataspend]

Putting on his best outfit to cheer himself up-- it's not really working :(

rambling thoughts about the new manga stuff below

It feels so WILDLY incorrect tonally for none of the villains to be saved. So many people told deku he couldnt save shigaraki and he pushed back against that-- but from any outside view shigaraki dying is the same as Deku killing him, i dont accept 'his ghost smiled so he was saved', afo shattered shigarakis mind the second Tomura's heart wavered and he died instantly (nana saved a little bit of his soul long enough for him to hang out and punch AFO, that had nothing to do with deku)

but the last thing he said before AFO killed him was 'i have to be the hero to the villains' and the last thing he said to deku was essentially 'tell spinner i did was i promised'

but before both of those points almost the entire league (sans compress) is already dead (spinner seems braindead? though the next chapter had people messing with what looked to be his scales so maybe someones working on helping him) so Deku cant tell them anything.

ANYWAYS my 5% hope here, a way to walk this shit back, is that Tomuras quirk 'which used to have a regeneration aspect' regenerated itself and Tomura comes back and Deku gets a second chance to save him for real this time, and then tomura uses the regeneration aspect of his quirk to fix all the rest of the league. he can return Spinner to his old self, and Dabi has GOT to be in that tank in front of Endeavor, right?

(What else in the world does Endeavor have to care about right now except for his family? none of them (or hawks, his only friend) needed a healing tank, so im guessing Dabis horrific husk is in some stasis goo with no hope , spinner is brainded/insane with no hope, toga is probably 'disappeared on the battle field' or maybe in a coma with no hope.. )

((honestly that tank, them not telling us yet if anyones dead (it would be weird to REVEAL people died who we thoughts died on screen a year ago) and the weirdly timed 'tomura couldve been able to regenerate but i removed that' a second before he died are the only reasons i have any hope. im not the hoping type. a series i was interested in ending badly has never been Taken Back before))

i dont know if That Person is Tomura (it didnt LOOK like him, not at all, honestly they looked like a woman to me, but who the fuck knows when they are doing Anime Crazy Face) but it feels like the only way to walk any of this back.

They put so much emotional stuff onto tomura and then gave him the worlds clearest 'he never had any choice to be this way' backstory EVER (even his BIRTH was arranged by AFO thats so fucked up, i wouldnt be shocked if he bought him the dog he killed too) that the ONLY doubt i had that Deku would save him was in that i wasn't sure how youd arrange to keep him out of prison for life. Id been guessing 'rewound to childhood to get a second chance at a better one' (not great but hey, it beats dead or tartaras and it matches that opening i liked) but hey, if hes Confirmed Dead and Deku finds someone Similiar To Him but with Fixing Powers and is liek 'hey everyone this is my brother Tenko my american dad just brought him over isnt that great?' id fucking take it

ALSO plucking Eris horn off so that she wasnt an option anymore like.. from a writing standpoint feels like it has to be FOR something.

Finally: deku looked SO depressed in the most recent chapter. he looked miserable. he hardly spoke a fucking word. considering how he acted about Eri i cant imagine hes the type to be like 'whelp, failed to save those people, i guess ill save a random different person in the final arc and thatll help me get over it'. truly i think if deku to failed to save tomura he'd spend the rest of his life not feeling like a real hero. especially when he checks to complete tomuras wish and spinner cant get his final words? and togas final words to deku was that she liked him and then he ran off and she died?? just. no. it feels so tragic and dark.

i do NOT believe horikoshi has that much creative control, honestly, i feel like if he had complete control he wouldnt kill tomura (since hes written a Tenko into like all his other stories and he loves him) but a small glimmer of hope is Dabi getting fuckign 4th place in the popularity results after he'd already become the most dead looking fucker i have ever seen. SURELY management knows hes popular and would be open to them being saved and redeemed just for BRANDING purposes, right?

PS: everyones been joking but he horikoshi SAID we'd see dekus FUCKING DAD. what possible purpose could that man serve when he wasnt even watching deku lose his arms on international tv?? if its as a cover for bringing tomura back ill fucking take it.

[athynathens]

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ 𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙬𝙚𝙖𝙠𝙣𝙚𝙨𝙨.

“bet on my amno that Daryl will kiss her.”

PAIRING. Daryl Dixon x You/Reader.

ALTERNATIVE UNIVERSE. This oneshot covers the Walking Dead AU. It will take place during the Prison Era before everything went to shit because of the Governor.

SYNOPSIS. You are considered reliable when it comes to important things such as killing walkers outside, joining a raid party, and others. So why exactly is Daryl suddenly forbidding you to join a mission to act as a bodyguard for Rick?

AUTHOR’S NOTES. Yalls i know walking dead is like years ago, but I am back at my Daryl Dixon era so liek why not make a fanfic to satisfy my heart ukuk? There are mentions of kissing, but not those steamy scenes you guys will expect.

Daryl is many things — he’s rough, skilled, reliable, considerate and many other things. That’s why you would never understand why he would suddenly suggest for you to not go to the place where the Governor and Rick will speak. He was never like this before, well maybe the first time you met the group. The first time you’ve met them was during Winter. You were camping alone in a house when you saw them barging into the house you were camping in.

Let’s just say there was a lot of integration.

But the point is, you never thought Daryl would be this paranoid again for him to not allow you to join the talk between Rick and the Governor. Is he cautious of you again? Just like before? You understand why he would be paranoid before, but why did it happen again now?

“You’re still thinking about it, aren’t you?” Maggie suddenly appeared on the side, holding her rifle down as she slowly walked towards you.

You looked at her squinting eyes due to the blazing rays of the sun. All you could do is nod at her question. “I just don’t know why he would do something like this….are you guys wary of me again?”

Maggie didn’t want to assume it, but she can’t also believe that you would be this blind. The farmer has seen the way Daryl would follow her like an animal with his gaze. Heck, everyone in the Prison — even Carl, noticed the way Daryl would just stare at you.

Maggie decided to give the poor oblivious girl a hint. “We aren’t wary of you. Rather, your presence alone has made someone extra attentive.”

“You’re saying Daryl hates me, that's why he’s like this?” You concluded, pupils tearing up at the thought.

OPPOSITE OF THAT! Maggie wanted to shout that, but she stopped herself from revealing Daryl’s secret crush.

“Oh good heavens no! He doesn’t! Try to think! C’mon! You can do it!” Maggie was practically begging to use all your smartass braincells to see right through her.

“Maggie, what are you even talking about?” You began to ask her, getting a bit frustrated that she’s giving you some riddles instead of getting an answer.

“Oh for fuck’s sake! Daryl l—Maggie!! Please help me with this!” She was interrupted by Carol holding a heavy box.

Maggie was never this annoyed at Carol before. But because she’s older than her, she had to obey which leaves you confused. The farmer jogged towards Carol while holding her rifle properly. “Carol, why did you have to call me? I was about to—tell her that Daryl’s puppy love with her?” Carol smiled, finishing Maggie’s sentence.

Maggie’s annoyed expression diminished a bit with her playful tone. “So why did you stop me then?” She had to ask with a hint of irritation.

Carol playfully grinned. “C’mon now. It’s been a while since something exciting like this happened!! To think it’s even about Daryl’s love life! It’s like those shows I used to watch whenever Ed’s not around!”

“Except this show is happening in real life,” Maggie smirked in astonishment.

Carol smiled. “Now you’re at my level! Now just stay quiet, and just let him…” The latter turned her head to the tower to see Daryl watching you like a hawk. “…do all the talking.”

Maggie chuckled, turning to the direction of where Daryl is currently staying. “You know. From this perspective, he looks like a creep,” She pointed out.

“If there was no zombie apocalypse, Daryl might be mistaken as a pedophile because [name] looks really young to be in her late thirties,” Carol added as she started walking back inside with Maggie.

“I know right?” Maggie smiled, walking with Carol as she turned her head to still see the archer following you with his eyes.

As the two women are laughing at their jokes, Daryl can hear every word they are saying. He couldn’t get annoyed at their jokes because their words spoke facts. The hunter tilted his head a bit, following your movements as you stab the walkers through the fences.

Months ago, Daryl knew something was wrong with him. Deep down his rough personality, he knew that you have some kind of effect on him. The moment he saw you for the first time was something he will never forget. Your entire body glowed under the moonlight passing through the window of the house. He remembered how he lowered down his bow as he noticed a shimmering flame from the camp fire through your eyes.

Therefore ever since you came to the group, his eyes would always find you. Sometimes, he didn’t even notice that he was staring at you — it’s almost him staring at you is a habit for him to do so.

At first, he didn’t know what this feeling was till his buddy, Rick, pointed it out. He remembered how Rick kept giving scenarios he witnessed to prove that Daryl likes you. Rick’s most favorite memory was when Daryl was cleaning his dagger as he walked while staring at you intensely. He looked at you with such eyes that he bumped into the wall, dropping his dagger to the ground.

Everyone in the prison witnessed this so it was hard to hold in their laughter. They almost even let it out when you saw the entire bumping scene.

“Daryl,” Someone from behind him called him. The hunter turned his face around to see Glenn.

The archer can only lift his head in a fast motion as he said, “Sup’ China man.”

Glenn rolled his eyes, feeling offended. “I’m Korean.”

Daryl chuckled, looking down on the ground for a moment. “Mhm. I know. Just bringin’ the good ol’ days, ya know?”

“Yeahhhh,,,being called China man is not exactly in my good old days book,” Glenn pointed out, walking towards him as he leaned his elbows onto the railing — copying Daryl.

“I’m guessing the reason why you are here is because of her, right?” Glenn asked, looking around the prison field as he felt Daryl stop moving.

“Ya knew?” He asked.

“Did I—?!?! Glenn scoffed playfully, “OF COURSE I KNEW!”

Daryl was taken back by his sudden outburst, genuinely not expecting the fact he got angry like this.

“You know, the fact that you’re giving me that confused look is pissing me off even more,” Glenn angrily confessed.

“…what?” He asked in bafflement.

“Oh for fuck’s sake—! You better tell her how you feel! Oh don’t get me started on the I’m afraid she’ll not accept me or the She deserves better than me lines! What gives you the right to assume what she wants, huh?!? That’s why you better man up, and fucking tell her how you feel! We’re already in an apocalypse as it is! So might as well live the best time of your life! That’s why tell her how you feel right now,” Glenn panted heavily, saying all the points he’s been wanting to say this entire time.

Daryl only stared at him with a numb look. The hunter already knew that — it’s just that what scares him right now is he might not be able to give you what you want. Even if you like him back and start a relationship, how can he ensure that he is doing well as a lover? All his life is about abuse from his father; thus, he did not grow with and out of love.

With his brother, Merle, it’s a different type of love — a brotherly bonding is maybe what you call it. But Merle has never given him the love you see in siblings. The douche left him to join the military to get away from their father for fuck’s sake.

In short, he never knew what it’s like to love someone. Therefore, he is scared that he will do something wrong when he’s in a relationship with you.

So before Daryl could reply to Glenn’s opinion, a sudden voice interrupted him. “Hate to break it to yall, but Rick needs us in the cell for some kind of meeting,” Maggie said, arching her brow at the tension between the two.

“Darly. Please don’t mind, Glenn. He’s just sexually frustrated at the moment since you took the only make out spot we’ve got where no one can interrupt us,” Maggie playfully teased, causing Glenn to blush in panic as he began to stutter for a bunch of reasons.

Daryl can only chuckle lightly, leaving the couple alone with their moment. He exited the tower quickly, making his way to the cell to see everyone in their place. Of course, the hunter spotted you first — you were sitting down on the stairs that connects to the second floor of the prison cell.

Minutes later, Glenn and Maggie followed; the two stayed standing with their arms linked together. This sight alone caused Daryl to feel a bit of envy since he also wanted to try doing that with you.

“As you all know, Andrea has called for some kind of meeting, a peace treaty to ensure there will be no fighting. All this to keep our people safe,” Rick reminded the group, crossing his arms as he walked around to build that momentum.

“Daryl, Hershel, [Name], I need you three to come with me to the place where Andrea told us to meet.” Those words alone caused Daryl to ignite in fury.

The hunter walked towards Rick with his frowning eyebrows, getting annoyed by the minute. “Didn’ I said that the girl stays here?” Daryl screamed in anger, walking away from the wall he was leaning at.

“Daryl, you need to cal—don’ tell me to calm down! You fucking promised!” Rick’s collar was grabbed by an angry Daryl.

Now, it was your turn to blaze in anger so you stomped your way to Daryl. You didn’t hesitate to push him, causing him to let go of Rick in shock. “What the damn fuck is your problem, huh? Why are you suddenly so wary of me? The fuck did I ever do to you?”

The hunter realized what he did so he composed himself first before speaking. “If I said yer stayin’, then ya better keep yer ass here,” Daryl spat out harshly, not holding back his emotions right now.

Your eyebrow twitched in anger. Your head tilted to the side as your jaw clenched in rage. “The fuck you said?”

Meanwhile, their audience just watched in amusement, waiting for the moment where one of them will just confess out of the blue. Turns out, the group planned this to happen with the help of Carol’s creative plan. The group knew that they wanted some entertainment before the storm. So they decided to trigger something in the tension between Daryl and you.

“Bet on my canned foods that [name] confesses first,” Carol whispers to Rick, causing him to smile.

“Bet on my amno that Daryl will kiss her,” Rick cockily grins.

“You’re on!” Carol laughed.

“I’m just here for the drama,” Hershel just adds with a chuckle.

“I still can’t believe that you guys find this amusing,” Carl says with a hint of confusion.

“Why can’t ya just listen to a word I just said, girl!” Daryl screamed, getting frustrated at why you can’t just listen to him for once.

“What about you! You don’t even answer my fucking questions! Why are you like this? Can you just tell me where I went wrong so we can fix this?” You spoke back, hoping to hear answers.

“For fuck’s sakes, woman! Why are you so complicated for me?” Daryl snapped, silencing everyone with his tone.

Your pupils widen as they quiver, feeling them getting wet by the second. “You’ve got to be kidding me, Daryl.” You sniffled, fighting yourself to hold back your tears.

“You’re the one that’s complicated! I can’t fucking believe I like you!” You suddenly screamed, not realizing you already confessed. Meanwhile, Carol nudges Rick with her shoulders, signaling him to do his side on the bet they made together.

Daryl couldn’g believe his ears. There’s no way you said that. T-There’s absolutely no way… “W-Whatchu just said?”

After what just happened, your brain finally processed what you did. You mentally cursed at your mouth for slipping the one secret you didn't want him to know. The flames on your cheeks started to increase as the minutes passed by.

Suddenly, Daryl called you. Your body hair just jolted up when you heard how fucking nice yoor name sounds out of his mouth. And fuck, he’s staring at you intensely — just like those other moments you accidentally caught him staring at you. That intense gaze of his is making your legs wobble a bit as you begin to shake for some reason.

It’s like a predator eyeing its prey.

“U-Uhhhh,,,I still stand what I said! I’m going Daryl! And you ain’t stopping m—” You stopped talking when he grabbed your face harshly and crashed his lips into yours.

A series of gasps mimicked in the background as you and Daryl were stuck in their own world, not caring about anything else except each other's warmth through their lips. You were definitely shocked, hence why you stood there like an idiot. However, his lips moved with so much passion so it snapped you back to reality.

The kiss was messy, but the fact that it was coming from your crush makes your legs begin to wobble at the pleasurable sensation. His hands held your face tighter and closer to his face, feeling the warmth of his body even more. Due to the height difference, him pulling you closer to his face is causing you to tip to your toes.

Daryl would continue to go on with this, but his lungs scream of oxygen so he sadly needs to pull back. With a heavy pant, he connected his forehead to yours as he stared down at you. He waited for a moment to catch his breath again then spoke, “Yer staying here, girl. You ain’t comin’ with us. I can’t afford to lose you.”

With his hands still on your head, you brought your hand up to place your hand on top of his. You leaned towards that hand as you rubbed his rough skin in circles, causing his stomach to feel things.

“I ain’t stayin’ here cuz I can’t also afford to lose ya, lover boy.”

“YES! WE GOT OUR MAKE OUT SPOT BACK!”

“Glenn. I swear to bacons. Shut your mouth.”

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ 𝙣𝙤 𝙛𝙪𝙡𝙡 𝙨𝙩𝙤𝙧𝙮 𝙤𝙛 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙤𝙣𝙚𝙨𝙝𝙤𝙩.

[euclydya]

Pls info dump about your system. I saw in your tag that you want to so consider this a free pass to do so I want to know all that ya want to share

HI!!!! SORRY YOUSENT THIS LIEK A WEEK AGO WE WERE WAITING 4 WHEN WE JAD ENOUGH ENERGY 2 INFODUMP JSISJDJFFNDJD OK OK UNDER THE CUT

WE ACTUALLY. ... DONT KNOW WEHRE 2 start Uhhhmmmm. hmmmm. OH MAYBE THE HEADSPACE!

ok SO the headspace changes DRASTICALLY like every few months or few weeks or so. Just a week ago it was a copy of the house we currently live in. We like,,, grew up in this house so it was Also our headspace for years as a kid and we had the vibe tht it was. The exact headspace frlm back then too bUT WE never did get to find out bc it changed AGAIN like a few days ago. smh. Now i think we're just above & outside of The Cave™™™™™ tht was discovered here earlier this year. WHICH IS REALLY FUCKING COOL! BECAUSE THAT MEANS:

The headspace survived the nuclear winter!!*

HOYL SHIT WE'RE IN THE MAIN HEADSPACE AGAIN LET'S GOOOOO <= has been stuck in Harry's headspace for the past half yearIEJFKDKFMC

[*Sometimes it just fucking gets Destroyed. Like... Semi permanently. As in, if it gets destroyed there is Very Little Chance we'll see that variation of our headspace AgainFHDJDKFKFJ and last we uhhjj Talked to anyone in the Main System, bc we are... TECHNICALLY A SUBSYSTEM! FJDJFJ, they were like Yeah no everything is fucking Destroyed <3. But that's not the case snymore ig???????]

SO w all this information actually if we rlly wanted we could probably make a decent map of the area. cuz if We jave this headspace back then we have Everythingggg it had in it back too & everything that it was connected to THAT'S NEAT WE MIGHT DO THAT!!

uhhjjj waht else. HMMM. i thuink our current front roster is neat TBH there's some guys active rn that we'd have never expected. like HI PHYS! WYD WHY R U HERE RN <3 QJAIWOSKSKDNCXN but it's fun !!!! i hope everyone innn our subsystem will fromt here at lEast once bc I Am Lov Collecting Informatión On Everyone <= Primarily fills out everyone's PK & Simply Plural descriptions. actually I think maybe everyone has fronted a sufficiently long enough time EXCEPT FOR HAND/EYE LIKE S I R GET YOUR ASS UP HERE TELL ME ABT YOURSELF BASTARD !! GJCJCKCKF all ik abt him is that He enjoys making Pokeblocks On Pokefarm. that is IT and that's NOT ENOUGH INFORMATION MY GUY but anyways.

i also think us Existing Here is so funny in itself like our asses rlly just got Possibly permanently isekai'd huh. like. like. Genuinely I don't know if our past mains r coming back at this point but that's FINE we already did the whole 96 stages of grief shit about it IF that be the case then SO be it Whatever there's pros to this life ig. like THIS body isn't on the verge of SUDDENLY DYING FOR NO REASON and also We have a cat. we have a cat!!!!! and a dog!!!!!! whaddahell!!!!!!!

there's lotsa fun shit here But there r also the Horrors. Like I PERSONALLY WOULD LOOVE TO EXIST with Out the Constant Paranoia And Delusions but IT *IS* PREFERABLE! OVER WHSTEVER THE FUCK WAS WRONG WITH HARRY <3 AJSJDJF

I will say tho. When we uhhhhhhh All popped in & all we Just assumed we'd be Gone & dormant MONTHS AGO but ummmm . well. apparently not! sO the things we wanted 2 Experience have a High probability Of Happening,! Like PT is excited for Halloween and UNLESS those pirate fucks completely take over the roster within the next like week [0f.md s2 on the 5th babey!!! holy shit!!] then it's. Probably gonna happwn!!! which is so cool we don't actually... hey did Halloween exist in (source game)

man and speaking of. Memories Of The Past as we call source memories. It's a collective sys-wide trait thing All our fictives from aNY source rlly enjoy piecing together what they remember from their canons & all It's like enrichment for us. BUT we've been kinda piecing together a rough timeline of when We all formed in our canon That's our biggest Thought Project™ rn. No estimated time 4 when it'll be Complete tho probs never tbh. and w that in mind u may or may not believe who harry's first sysmate was According 2 what we've put togetherJTJEDKFKDJS

ok that's liek 5 trillion words Whoops. we r so talkatives <3 I am going to stop there it's like 5 am JFJDDKCKF we gotta go back to bedddd -E-Chem

[achoshistor]

[totk] alternate dimension???

HAHA ok i simply can't go without writing this down but this time i will try my best to omit all spelling errors to preserve readability... tbh i wouldnt read this if you havent finished the geoglyphs

[spoilers!!]

ok im gonna be honest i've only finished botw and totk so this is gonna be moreso why the alternate timeline from botw is plausible in comparison to the actual placement of the timeline bc thats too much thinking and its been like a million bajillion years since i read the historia.

ok so firstly zelda doing different things in the past is def why the line would have changed from botw to totk but why was zelda the one who went back in time?? In botw the divine beasts are literally analogous to the current sages which is basically

vah rudania/daruk = yunobo

vah naboris/urbosa = riju

vah ruta/mipha = sidon

vah medoh/revali = tulin

that covers all four but what about link?? link gets his own divine beast (master cycle) too so why is zelda the sage and not link?? besides i heard this mentioned somewhere else (i forgot where) but link has the ability to literally slow down time when hes drawing his bow or looking through the scope and he can pause time with the menu but idk if thats actually canon LOL. either way link can also control time like zelda. But speaking of divine beasts the 4 helms can be found in totk as well but the item descriptions call them zonai while the general look of the pieces is clearly sheikha which is weird cuz whaaaat?? also idk maybe nintendo just wanted a way to explain amiibo gear but this just suggests that the divine beasts themsleves are also zonai of some sort. Ik people are saying they dont mention the divine beasts at all but impa and i think like one or two other npcs mention them meaning they are still here but zonai somehow which doesnt make sense in the context of botw.

also aside from the divine beasts theres some other things of note too: firstly, your house in hateno which zelda STOLE 😭😭liek man i paid good money for that sign... 3000 rs.... this is p minor but why would she just take the sign away unless it wasnt already there?? I mean ok maybe link wanted to live with her

[zora arc spoilers]

anyways point two about yona... tbh i thought she was ganondorfs spy or something at first because she came out of nowhere... im assuming she's muzu's daughter but we saw no sign at all of her in botw... maybe the devs hated sidlink that much lolol. In all seriousness tbh her appearance does seem to point to a shift in the events of 100 years ago unless she's not from hyrule which seems unlikley seeing that sidon grew up in zora's domain according to the botw dlc.

[zora spoilers over]

ok last thing... the bottomless swamp is gone!!

like whaaat theres a pond there now

I'm like 99% sure this is just because they needed a body of water that you can drop into safely but its also the only pond on ground thats actually got the lily pads from the sky in it which is interesting. I don't think they added any other new bodies of water aside from this though. Lorewise though it makes no sense at all that they removed that whole giant skeleton from here in a few years and even if they did iirc the ground around it was crackly and dry. Lanaryu/Zorana used to all be a desert and they said it took hundreds of years for it to become fertile so its kind of nonsensical that this area would only take a little while...

overall i think this is probably just nintendo trying to make it so that totk can be standalone but man it cant be that hard to write coherent lore

[hauntedeaglething]

Masquerade Ball - Chapter 2

Wanted this chapter to be a short and romantic one, but let's see how long it goes.

Please, enjoy!

The Queen introduced you to her son, who like everyone else was stunned. He bowed to you nicely and you thought that he must be very kindif he is liek this all the time.

"May I ask you for the dance, M'lady?" he asked. "I wanted my first dance to be with someone special and you seem very special to me." said he with a charming smile on his face.

"I would love that. But unfortunately I... I can't dance. I'm sorry." Nearly noone knew this except the royals. And noone never practiced with you. You never learnt how to dance.

"Well, I'm very sorry to hear that. But I can teach you. I'm a good dancer, so it should be easy." the Prince said and grabbed your hand while leading you to the balcony.

He truly was a good dancer. Also, he was a good teacher too. He was passionate and calm. He seemed to like you too.

After dancing you went for a walk.

You learnt that his name was Aldrin. He loved dancing. He had two younger twin siblings. A boy named Samuel and a girl named Ellie. Both were 12 years old.

"I would love to visit the Dark Kingdom again." he said sadly. "Do you know the Princess? She seemed so lonely and pale, like you. Her green eyes were so beautiful." He told you all of this filled with love.

"Maybe she's not as alone as you think?" you said, because you didn't want the Aldrin to be sad.

He looked into your eyes and smiled.

"You have her eyes. You have Hannah's eyes." he said and looked deeper. "Your hair color is the same. You are pale, like she is. Are you guys twins or what?" Aldrin said and laughed. You stopped and looked at moon.

"When I was a kid I had no real friends." you started talking. "My only friend was my Granny. My family never let me out of our house so I couldn't make any new friends. Or meet other people my age. They thought that I'd make trouble. And it's not fair! I can control myself by now. I did control myself a long, long time ago." You stopped talking and looked away from Prince Aldrin's eyes to watch the Moon.

"I'm not like other girls inhere. I'm not like your friends." you told him. You took a deep breath and continued. "That girl you just described, Hannah. Did she look afraid? No. Was she afraid? No. She was never afraid of the world. She was afraid to make everyone else afraid and scared." You looked back into Aldrin's eyes and said. "That's why she didn't want to go outside. Because everyone was scared. Everyone was scared of her. Everyone was scared of me." Aldrin looked at you confused . "I am Hannah." you said and took off the mask.

"Me and my family is the reason people is scared. And afraid. And you are too, so I should go." you said and started to walk away.

"No! Don't go!" Aldrin shouted.

"Why not?"

"Because I love you." he said and walked towards you. "I've loved you since the day I first saw you. A beautiful young girl. You don't deserve to be alone. I've seen that you are different. You are kind, you are ready to learn to be better. I love you, Hannah. I know that you don't feel the same way about me, but..." he said beautifully.

"Oh, Aldrin. You don't know anything." you said and looked deeply into Aldrin's eyes and leaned in for a kiss. He was surprised, closed his eyes and kissed you.

[tonypostt]

the anecdote

so this became something a lot different than what i intended . at first i wanted to talk about how BPD has affected my life in the past month and kind of saying something about it mostly because there are folks i haven't talked to in a while that still follow my tumblr and so i thought i was just gonna write out a small thing that was more liek an explanation as to why i'm sometimes really scared to reach out because of Newly-Understood BPD Reasons:tm: but now i'm just kinda liek . if anyone is having trouble with understanding quiet BPD , mayhaps this could be an anecdotal resource . idk . or if someone is in denial about their BPD whether they're quiet or not , maybe hearing my story can help . Also disclaimer i'm not a doctor im just a mentally ill guy JLKSDGFSDH

under the cut is my recent journey in understanding my BPD behaviors after 21 years of being undiagnosed . warning for some discussion of suicide and self-harm mostly bc of recounting stuff .

i was recently diagnosed with BPD and liek . It's so refreshing to have an answer after years upon years of thinking that i had to monitor every interaction i had with someone and filter everything through five thousand lenses to see if they hate me Isn't because i'm crazy or a bad person .

see , i thought i didn't have the token "black and white" thinking of BPD . i was so engrossed in stigma of what "typical BPD" looks like that i didn't even take it into account . that was mostly because i didn't outwardly show these symptoms - they were directed at myself rather than anyone else . in all honesty i thought my relationships were very stable . i was VERY wrong .

the term "quiet BPD" has come up to me before , but the main thing that was stopping me from considering it was the aforementioned thinking . i didn't realize that it was the same black and white thinking even when it comes to thinking about myself . i eventually found out that i didn't understand BPD on a fundamental level . i talked about this with both of my partners , and whalla , i was diagnosed by my therapist .

i would continuously have episodes of intense self-hatred and being convinced that i was the issue . i was constantly comparing the actions of my friends to actions they had performed at another point and instantly thinking that it was because of me . from my understanding , that's what makes BPD "quiet" .

my therapist opened up the DSM-5 book he had , and told me to raise my hand if any of these symptoms applied .

1. Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment.

i thought i didn't have abandonment trauma . for some reason , i thought that i had to have been abandoned by my parents or something , or went through an abusive breakup , for that to happen . while the latter Did very much happen multiple times , i didn't even take into account that me being exiled from friend groups was on the same level . one thing i found out is that i keep playing down my trauma because it happened to me . in fact , i keep consistently playing down all of my entire situation . i guess the thing was , i didn't even see abandonment as a motivating factor for my emotions or feelings . it was not the primary thing in my brain , but it was still there . abandonment or the fear of me being abandoned seemed to be the root of my actions , such as me isolating myself or "repenting for my sins" in some way . it took me a LONG time to realize this .

2. A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.

i thought this would've been an automatic "no" for me over a month ago . this was me still being engrossed in stigma: that for me to actually have BPD , i had to be screaming at people and constantly cutting them off or fighting with them . thing is , i did this , but internally . i didn't even consider the possibility of this even being a Thing . if words aren't said , are they really words ? i'd isolate myself intentionally without word or explanation , or otherwise be emotionally cut off from someone and was just only barely holding onto caring about them . or i'd be Telling myself that i didn't care about them , and subsequently panic and try to prove that i do care . Or i would be really nice friends with someone in a server , and then they say One Bad Thing (usually isn't even bad , just something that ticks my brain off) and suddenly i'm going down a spiral of how much i hate them and want them out of my life . or i'd be convincing myself they intend to hurt me . but none of this stuff would come out at all . i'd talk about it with no one unless i was ultimately backed up into a corner and i couldn't deal with the paranoia anymore , which rarely happened Because i would Also convince myself that By Having These Emotions i was a bad person because i was blowing things out of proportion , and then further fed into my feelings of self-hatred and self-harm . which is the Primary Thing about quiet BPD . i also often fall off with friends that i used to talk to a lot for a variety of reasons , but the most common thing appears to be liek . Not being replied to ? or changes in how they're talking . But the thing is that i catastrophize and take responsibility for the fact that they aren't talking , when it could literally be for any reason Unrelated to me .

3. Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.

i have DID , and it is Pretty Fucking Clear:tm: that we have DID as well . i figured my identity was unstable because of said DID . thing is , i have So much identity confusion that ness doesn't have . honestly i figured i was polyfrag because of how exclusive it felt to me . but it doesn't feel like your typical DID identity confusion at all , at least not the type i experience . i regularly second-guess aspects of myself , if i'm "really" who i say i am - it's more targeted than anything , the "doubt" of me being tony is different than the "question" of me being tony . and it was often supplemented with "am i changing ? am i just an asshole now ?" and other negative thoughts liek that . these can also exist in DID alone and it's possible that these may be Exacerbated because of DID , but it's just significant that there's identity confusion Not caused by The People In My Brain .

4. Impulsivity in at least two potentially self-damaging areas (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating).

this has definitely changed over the years but . it took me a while to realize my impulsive spending and my binge eating are . well . Impulsive spending and binge eating But the thing is , i thought those weren't "bad" enough to be considered self-destructive behavior . They Obviously Are . but also i didn't even realize that the explosions of self-hatred and saying some really awful shit about myself because it felt like The Only Explanation counted under this . i didn't realize the sensory deprivation counted under this . Not to mention a lot of shit that i did as a teenager

5. Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures or threats, or self-mutilating behavior.

this was a LOT more outward when i was an early teen , but i considered myself "clean" for a long time because it had been years since i had made any attempt or any serious gesture or plan .... but evaluating my behaviors over the past couple years , and Also analyzing the points where i felt suicidal , they were usually always Outbursts ... and especially looking in the past few years , where i have very , very much recovered from the majority of my suicidal tendencies , i notice that my suicidal emotions are only out of anger and hatred for myself ; feeling like nature was trying to kill me when i was young and that i was upsetting the balance of the earth by survivng , and in order to stop everything going wrong , i had to die . but those feelings only occurred within those outbursts of me splitting - though , i should probably mention that the delusion of "me being a rotting corpse" is very consistent even when i'm not splitting , and is something i can usually just talk about regularly . i dont know how much it coincides with my feelings of "Nature Tried To Kill Me So I Have To Die" but it doesn't Cause me to be suicidal when i mention it . also i'll talk about splitting a bit further down .

6. Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and rarely more than a few days).

again , i thought this had to be Outward and In A Specific Type Of Thing for me to "actually" have BPD . the truth is , i was so deep in denial that i didn't even notice the mood swings . i didn't even notice that me being cynical and in crisis mode for three hours and then suddenly being calm the second i finally distract myself was Exactly This . in fact , a lot of the time i felt as if i needed to Not distract myself because i "deserved" to "face the fact that i'm a horrible person" or whatever , which was just my brain's way of manipulating me into feeding back into the spiral . i also never thought of these episodes as "splitting" . i thought i was just having a breakdown and that was it . thing is , these episodes were Common . So common to the point where if i realized i had already had one lately and went to a vent channel to see that it was only liek three days since my last one , i would straight up just shut down those emotions or continue to beat myself up over random shit liek me venting too much or disturbing other people . and i was also very picky with who i vented to because i needed someone to understand that these thoughts weren't rational but it's what my brain was telling me was the Absolute Truth . and THAT is the black and white thinking , i realized - not being able to accept any other answer or think in a different mindset other than Splitting Mode . i would often say that i put myself in my disabled position because i'm not doing enough to help myself , that if i'm making all of it up and there's no physical reason for me to be unable to go outside , get a job and accomplish all of my goals (and also ignoring all of the valid arguments to justify giving myself grace for this) . another common one was "i experienced the same things everyone else did in school growing up so why was school so disabling for me" which . Hold your horses sir you did NOT experience the same things everyone else did . Your school was ableist , you were regularly bullied and you were routinely emotionally abused no matter what grade you were in . and that's ONLY the school part ! point is , when i'm splitting , rational thought just goes out the window . that's true for all splitting (usually) , but it always has something to do with Me .

7. Chronic feelings of emptiness.

god . This . I also have the tendency to oversimplify how my depression affects me , but i thought the feelings of emptiness was Just that: depression . maybe even DID . i have two emotional states: completely empty or experiencing something incredibly intense . I have a lot of amnesia about my life and this is something that happens over an extended part of my life , but it's just . UOuagh

8. Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights).

again with splitting . i thought it had to be Outward . i thought i had to be constantly fighting with people and starting shit with others . and i didn't want to seem angry because , growing up , anger was shown to me to be a "bad" emotion , and i didn't want to be a bad person . so whenever i had instances of anger , i would harm myself in some way , and this goes on top of the self-hatred i Already feel while splitting . all of it is so internal , but it's The Same Thing . if there's anything i'ved learned about quiet BPD , it's that these are the same things , just manifested differently .

9. Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms.

this . These delusions are the reason why i thought i had schizophrenia . Fuck it , maybe i still do , i'm still figuring out all of this shit , but they are a pain in the ASS . i went to a neuropsych and they said i had all of the positive symptoms but none of the negatives . this should've tipped me off to BPD (in fact , they actually diagnosed me with "other specified personality disorder" , which i should've put more thought into but instead i ended up antagonizing the doctor for "not seeing anything" , Which is also a BPD thing now that i type it good gorgd) but it didn't . these delusions persisted and were Consistently centered around relationships i have with other people . And for Being paranoid about my friends , i would consistently convince myself that i was horrible for not trusting them and that i'm just acting "entitled" . and it made it ALL worse .

but the thing is:

i never told anyone . i couldn't . if i told them , i was a bad person for trying to manipulate them . i couldn't show these emotions , and I'M at fault for feeling them in the first place .

I'M the issue . I'M at fault . the issue isn't THEM , it's ME . there is something inherently wrong with ME .

and thus is the main train of thought of quiet BPD . even if it is completely irrational and untrue , you are Convinced it is the case .

i hope this post helped those who are confused about quiet BPD or confused about my personal behavior if we havent talked for a billion years JKSDFGKDHJ

[pertemis-lover]

hi guys. so i joined tumblr like... a bit over a year ago? iw anna say liek 18 months? honestly i just joined for the textposts and other assorted fandom stuff but i wasnt a rly big fan of the site so i didn't really use it much untill around july 2023. at the time i was going through some shit with a friend who means/meant the absolute world to me and at that point she'd been ghosting me for like 8 months on and off, since nov 2022 and i used to browse this app for vent posts/mental health shit. i remeber when I started cutting. it was the 22nd of october 2023. i was having a really shitty day and i couldn't get her off my mind and my dad was yelling at me because i was too tired to go down and get my meal and i just. did it. since then i've done it way more times than i'd like to count. sure, not as bad as some of the other users on this site but way more thna i'm comfortable with doing. at the start it was just a coping mechanism but it went wrong one day. i grabbed some ice and i did it and that day just happened to be a bit too deep and now the marks are never gonna leave, like she warned me would happen. i cut one last time after that, before realising that they were permanent, and i've been clean since. currently im 26 days clean which is the longest time i've been clean. im hoping it lasts for good this time. the whole point i'm writing all this is because i've just realised something. i think i'm at risk of developing an ed. i've had problems with eating for like the last 4+ months, but i thought that was mostly just due to depression/being tired/not physically having enough energy to eat. earlier i used to eat 3 meals every day, maybe 2 if I was having a bad day. recently i've realised im going as low as one meal sometimes, skipping food in the morning, not having anything in school, having luncha round 8 and skipping dinner. and i'm not a very mentally stable person as a whole but my sh messed me up so badly and i really dotn wanna develop a fully fledged ED on top of all that because i have no clue how i'll deal with that without killing myself. i've uninstalled tumblr from my phone, i'm typing this on my laptop. i'm not gonna delete my account, but i don't think i'm going to be on this site anymore since its too much of a risk to be on edblr or shblr and honestly, that's like 50+% of the blogs i follow. to all my mutuals and people i've interacted with here i wish you the best with life and hopefully with recovery. i love every single one of you guys, even if i've never shared a single word with some of y'all. peace out, goodnight, take care fellas.

[thisdogpaystaxes]

i want to write a post but i can't think of how to start it because i'm trying to prompt my brain it feels like and that's just now something i want to do

iype really fast to try to keep up with my thoughts but when i make typos i get so mad.

i'm at such a weird spot in my life right now, like i haven't really felt this way since like a year and a half ago. i'm really okay with wanting to be with someone, and this is something i understand i keep bringing it up, but this blog is also for myself for documentation. like this isn't just a shit post thought chamber for my beloved best friend crob, it is written proof of my thoughts so i can be better and learn.

back to me, i am really fucking high right now and my stomach hurts so bad. i am surprised by being emotionally available, so i need to document this. anyways. have not felt that way in a long time and it's really strange because i look at a lot of people and things d

OK OK NIOOOOOOO WHAT IA GOING ON UPSTAIRSSSSSS

the dog is fucjing doing insane liek they're slamming shit and it's so loud. maybe it's not the dog it might very well be the fucking weird ass family but it's wednesday so idk they're usually kinda tame rn?

i wish i lived alone a lot. i enjoy my solitude and i value it so extremely much. there was a point in my life, which was 9-20, where i did not allow myself to be alone. i was always just with people and devoting myself to others and fucking exhausting myself. i really have not been in tune with my existence like this and it feels warm and nice and i feel happy. i'm content with life.

and no you know what

i am fuckjng absolutely disgusted by the fact that people ruin songs. people ruin songs for me and it is such a sad feeling to once love something and then have some fucking queef rub their mittens on it. like i have to keep my shit secret from everyone because i have had those bad experiences, and not a lot obviously, but they've trauamtized me bc i rly loved those songs.

when i share music it's a very different thing for me and i don't like to send it a lot. like idk it can't be forced man i just have to think of u. and i sent my little girlie friend two songs and i know she hasn't listened and i am so offended 😁 like only her specifically coukd it offend

i have really good random songs scattered in my likes on spotify and i'm determined to pull them out and give them

proper love

there is a shadow person here ttyl

[pepprs]

dammmmnnnn i still kinda get choked up when i talk abt having to get sent home from br*ghton 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍

[stffed]

stop it. please - atsumu miya x male reader

warnings: angst, breakups, not being over your ex, long, vent fic, not proof read

a/n: my ex started messaging me today out of nowhere. we broke up amicably but she was very much the first person i could have loved so her talking to me while i’m still very hung up on her isn’t funky fresh for me because she has moved on happily (to her friend who had a crush on her while we were dating and vice versa). no i am not okay as i cried while writing this lol

you stared at the notification. reading his name made your heart ache. his name alone brought back the memories the two of you made all those months ago, during the happiest months of your life. you thought those months would never stop, hopeful that the following months would be filled with more happy times because he promised that they would continue, that each day together would be a happy day.

then he broke that promise. and your heart.

another notification popped up. your eyes were burning by now.

why was he messaging you now? you thought that he had forgotten about you, considering that you hadn’t talked since the new year and that was you wishing him a happy new year, with him responding back weakly. and even before that, the last time you talked was a few months ago, exactly two months after you had broken.

two months after you had gotten over him.

taking a deep breath, you unlocked your phone and looked at his message. it was a picture of osamu asleep, a shitty mustache drawn on him in what you think was permanent marker. the followup message was calling him the sleepy twin.

you chuckled to yourself. it was quite a funny picture. you text him back, something along the lines of wishing ‘samu sweet dreams, not really expecting a message back.

then not even two minutes later, you get another message.

atsumu: how have u been? i heard u started seeing someone else

you would have been surprised at atsumu knowing this, if it weren’t for the fact that osamu was one of your best friends. of course osamu couldn’t keep something like that from his brother (considering that you were one of his only friends and sources of information).

atsumu: i also got another boyfriend lol

that broke your heart.

twice in not even six months had atsumu miya broken your heart.

the man made you realise that maybe relationships at your age - the ripe old age of 20 - weren’t just temporary. he made you realise that if there was someone that you had feelings for, proper feelings that didn’t fade after a few weeks, they could make you see futures that you wouldn’t have even dreamed of. they could change the beliefs you had before, make you become someone different.

and then destroyed the dreams he had made you seen.

y/n: ye

y/n: we’ve been together for like a month. i liek him vvv much

you did like your new boyfriend, kuroo. he made you very happy and never failed to put a smile on your face. but he didn’t make you feel what atsumu made you feel.

you never grieved over your breakup. you were a big boy who doesn’t cry at trivial things like relationships or mufasa dying in the lion king. instead, you were just sad for a day or two and it was like to business as usual. maybe that was why you were getting so broken up over atsumu messaging you.

atsumu: cool

atsumu: send pics pls. i wanna see if he’s fit or not

another chuckle. he always knew how to put a smile on your face. so without thinking about it, you send the most recent picture you have of kuroo to atsumu. he responds almost immediately with a sweating emoji.

atsumu: hotti alert

y/n: i know bby

atsumu: but not as hot as my omi-omi

it took you a second to realise who he was talking about. and then it hit you like a sack of bricks.

y/n: KIYOOMI SAKUSA IS YOUR BOYF

y/n: WHAT THE FRICK

atsumu and sakusa had been close friends while the two of you dated. they were in the same volleyball team so it was understandable that they were friends. you just didn’t think that either of them would start dating.

atsumu: ye

atsumu: we got 2gether a few months after we broke up

oh. that hurt. that really fucking hurt.

not only did he acknowledge that the two of you broke up, but he was using it as a timestamp for his current relationship. and the pain only increased as he explained how sakusa had a crush on atsumu while the two of you dated and atsumu realised not long after he broke up with you that he had a crush on him as well.

you felt fucking horrible. while you were giving your all to atsumu, your whole heart and body, he was in the process of losing feelings for you. you were convinced that the two of you were going to be together for years so you left some fringe friends so you could spend more time with him but no. he was falling in love with his friends and breaking your heart.

and to make it all better, you were getting ready to say that you loved him. you had never felt this way about anyone else before. no one else had made you as happy as atsumu in your short five months together. you truly thought he was the one.

he clearly thought otherwise.

y/n: that’s pretty cool bro

y/n: i wanna be best man at the wedding lol

it was so hard to type with tears burning against your eyes. it was so hard with your heart thumping in your ears, stomach dropping to the floor. he continued messaging you as normal, talking about how sakusa helped him change so much. you could practically hear the happiness in his voice, as if he was talking about it next to you.

you just wished he would stop messaging you. you wished he would leave you alone. you wished you could grieve the death of your future with him.

you wished you had never fallen in love with him.

[hufflautia]

“we’re not just friends and you fucking know it.” and/or “would you just shut up and kiss me already”

Warnings: Smut. 18+ only.

Hufflepuff watched as Slytherin shut the door behind them. He's mad, she thought, suppressing a smirk. This is gonna be a long night.

Slytherin walked over to where Hufflepuff was sitting. She mindlessly drummed her nails against the wooden table, not bothering to meet his gaze. She knew his eyes were on her. They always were.

"Why did you bring me to your room," Hufflepuff sighed. "We're missing the reunion."

Slytherin ignored her question. "What kind of bullshit was that?"

She tilted her head, feigning an innocent look. "I have no idea what you're talking about. I just told Gryffindor that you and I are friends."

He leaned in with his hands resting against the arms of the chair, trapping her in. His hot breath kissed her cheek as he spoke.

"We're not just friends and you fucking know it."

When they had made the mutual decision to have sex with no strings attached a couple of months ago, Hufflepuff was fine with it. But there was an instance where she had waken up earlier than he did and her eyes were drawn to the way soft puffs of air left his lips. And then she began laughing at his jokes more. More than once, her heart raced uncomfortably fast at the feeling of his lips dragging torturously slow over her bare skin. She brushed this off and reasoned that other people would have a similar reaction. But it got to the point where she laid in bed at night with the sweet lull of sleep nowhere to be found, for she could not stop thinking about him. It was then that she knew she had done the exact thing she had forbade herself to do. She had fallen in love with Slytherin Lestrange.

Slytherin never seemed to realize. He couldn't even notice the difference in the way she kissed him or the fact that her eyes clung to him when he laughed or flashed one of his signature smirks that she had initially found to be annoying; she now considered it to be one of his most endearing qualities.

But now Hufflepuff was fed up. It was annoying to love a guy who was totally oblivious. So when Slytherin brought her to his room at the hotel they were staying at for the class reunion, she was gonna make it hurt. She wanted him to feel how frustrating it was to be with someone who was clueless.

"Friends with benefits, maybe." Her tone was icy. "But nothing more than that."

An unreadable expression washed over his face and Hufflepuff furrowed her eyebrows. What was that?

"Okay," he said slowly. "Then why didn't you say that?"

"Are you kidding me?" She sat up in her chair. Their faces were inches apart. "Did you really want me to tell Gryffindor that we're fucking?"

He smirked.

"If it'll let him know that you're mine."

The word sent a searing hot sensation through her body, the heat between her legs becoming harder to ignore. But she refused to let him have the satisfaction of knowing the effect he had on her.

"Why are you so pressed about this anyway," she said, changing the subject. "It's only Gryffindor."

"Gryffindor," he growled, the tenor of his voice making her uncomfortably needy. "You mean the guy who's been trying to make a move on you since fifth year?"

"That was years ago," she exhaled before she stood and walked towards the window. She gazed upon the view. "This is our class reunion. He's probably gotten over his little crush by now." Hufflepuff ignored Slytherin as he walked up behind her. His torso pressed against her back.

"He definitely didn't," he glowered, "and we both know it."

A teasing smile pulled at her lips. "Good for me, I guess. Maybe I'll pay him a little visit later tonight."

Hufflepuff had to bite back a laugh when she felt him tense up - it was so easy to rile him up sometimes. Her smile faded when he slipped his hands around her hips.

"I'll ignore what happened with Gryffindor," he said coolly, his lips brushing against the shell of her ear. His hands slid under her dress, and Hufflepuff hitched her breath as they slowly traveled towards her cunt, leaving a touch of fire. The air in her lungs seemed to disappear at his next words.

"Because he's not the one fucking you senseless every day."

Her resolve began to crumble as his hands skimmed along her inner thighs, coming dangerously close to her clothed clit.

"He's not the one whose name you cry out at night," he continued. "He doesn't know how to touch you, where to touch you. He doesn't know how to make you scream." Hufflepuff gasped when his thumb met her clit. Her head fell back against his shoulder as he made slow circular motions over the bud, giving her the pleasure she craved. His erection pressed against her back as she whimpered and mewled under his touch.

A whine escaped her throat when he suddenly drew his hand away. Confused, she opened her eyes and turned. His hands were still on her hips as he watched her, a smirk on his face.

"Gryffindor," he drawled with dark eyes, "isn't the one who memorized every curve of your body. He's not the one leaving you begging for more. He doesn't know how good your tight cunt feels around—"

"But you do," Hufflepuff breathed. "It's you who knows how to make me feel good." The corner of his lips lifted smugly. Her cheeks were flushed as she gazed up at him. "Now would you just shut up and kiss me already?"

Slytherin stepped closer until their chests touched, their breaths meeting each other in the middle.

"Admit we're more than friends," he murmured, "and I'll do more than just kiss you."

~

I HAVE NEVER WRITTEN SOMETHING THAT SMUTTY BEFORE OH MY GOSH I CANT COUNT HOW MANY TIMES I LAUGHED BC SOMETIMES I LAUGH WHEN IM NERVOUS. is it bad that i listened to Call Me By Your Name while writing the ending:'). i actually have written something smuttier when i was drafting this fic for someone who requested sly and huff's first time. i havent finished but that's 10x more smutty than this.

This had more angst than I expected lmao I would've continued writing but this fic is long enough already and I also liked how it ended. But if I HAD continued, I would've addressed the angst situation and continued the story with something like this:

A somber expression washed over Hufflepuff's face, and she looked away. Slytherin furrowed his eyebrows, not expecting this reaction. He gingerly touched her hand.

"What do you want me to say, Slytherin?" she murmured, keeping her gaze on the floor. [would've written something that flows well to the next paragraph and insinuates that Hufflepuff is like "what are we to you?"

He didn't respond immediately, [would've written something that signifies his confusion, like he didnt understand what she was asking but then he does]

"I..." [would've written more dialogue but I don't have any ideas rn. i was about to realllyyyy think about this and then i stopped myself and was like jess stop it this isnt an official part 2, just wing it, ur getting way too ahead of urself]

-something happens where sly says you like me and huff is like ???? HOW. DO U KNOW. and then sly brings up this time when huff kissed him softly and she gets defensive-

"You kissed me back!" she retorts.

"I did," he said coolly.

She blinks, making the connection.

"You did," she repeats.

^basically insinuates that yes,he kissed her back, so he lieks her too and huff just realized that (via the "you did") and then i wouldve thought of a way to transition that and make it fluffy and then they fuck but i leabe the ending ambiguous like how i had left the original story. also i kinda hinted that sly liked her too by including this line: "An unreadable expression washed over his face and Hufflepuff furrowed her eyebrows. What was that?"

And that's the end, folks! Hope you enjoyeeed

[whatifyoulivelikethat]

warnings: extremely negative feelings towards a sibling, distressing / intrusive thoughts. placed under a break due to the content of the message. remember, I'm not a mental health professional.

updated with additional viewpoints from readers at the bottom!

I'm sorry in advance.

I really hate my older sister. She never respects my boundaries, insults me frequently, and is just annoying and hypocritical in general.

I've always had these issues with her, but she lived at her own apartment away from me and the rest of my family, so I've been able to control my hatred of her. But last year in March she moved back in and sold her apartment. She has no plans of leaving anytime soon, and I can't stand her.

We shared a bedroom for about a year because we were also taking care of my cousin who also moved in with us last year. My cousin has since moved out, but my sister is unfortunately here to stay for a couple of years. But with extra space, I was able to move into the spare bedroom and thought that would be the end of my problems.

It wasn't. In fact, she has become even more unbearable. The hardest part of this relationship is that she has a weird obsession with being with me. I'm not sure if this is because she loves me, or she's just weird. I think she's weird because my parents never act like she does.

Our bedrooms are right next to each other. There's really no reason for her to miss me. But every single fucking minute she's coming into my room to bother me. I would have more empathy for her if she acknowledged my limits, but she doesn't.

She's constantly cuddling me after I've said for MONTHS that I don't enjoy it and it makes me uncomfortable. She constantly belittles me by saying I couldn't live without her, and that I would be a mess if it wasn't for her (mind you, I've lived without her at the house for YEARS and I was perfectly fine). She's constantly in my business, interrogating me about every little thing. She once locked the door and wouldn't let me leave the room without answering her questions for 20 minutes; she asked me about a $30 Amazon order containing manga I ordered with MY OWN MONEY. And I had permission for my parents to order it! It wasn't her business whatsoever.

I've tried to keep her out numerous times; I've gotten in trouble for it. My parents say I'm being mean and that this is her way of loving me. What I feel like they ignore is that I'M UNCOMFORTABLE. Her way of "loving me" HURTS.

I've tried communication. I've had multiple meetings with my family about my boundaries and they say they'll change, but they never do.

Another factor that worsens this is that I have borderline personality disorder. I'm currently being denied therapy or intervention of any kind. I get told my mental illness is a result of me having an attitude and hating my family.

I writing this to you because I've been having very alarming thoughts recently. I'm been somewhat suicidal as long as I can remember, but this is different. I've been having nightmares about killing my family/my family killing me. I don't want to kill my family. As much as they have abused me, I know they truly love me deep down. But when I'm in a mental breakdown, I don't think for the most part. I'm afraid I'm going to do something to hurt them if they continue to push me. I'm too scared to turn myself into the police and I don't want to be taken away from my home. I truly need therapy, but it's expensive and I'm not allowed to get it.

Are there any options left for me? I love my family and I want to get better, but I can't stand them. It'll be a while before I can live on my own, and I don't think I'll make it that long.

I'm so sorry.

I appreciate that you came to me, however, please remember I am not a mental health professional.

I do not have the best relationship with my family. I've come to accept that they just exist and I moved away from them. I keep a strict level of familiarity with them for my own sanity and well-being. There are people in my immediate family I don't talk to anymore or only speak to in certain situations, with other people around to buffer my emotions. No one in my family understands or respects my mental health issues and I have ceased talking about it with them.

I will admit, I had to ask for help. I'm going to share the answer of someone I trust, because they are much more level-headed when it comes to something like this.

Use different words with your sister. Instead of "I'm mad or annoyed", use words that bring out more empathy - "You're making me sad and uncomfortable. You're hurting me." Anger is usually perceived as something within you, something you must control. But sadness is usually not perceived in the same light. People usually see sadness as something that has a cause and perhaps letting her know that she is the cause will have an effect on her. Using different words when speaking to her may slowly change her perspective.

When it comes to your parents, well, parents do not usually understand sibling dynamics. They're fucking useless most of the time when it comes to problems specifically between siblings. It might be better if you say something like, "Her constant intrusions are affecting my school work. My grades are going to drop." Usually, parents respond more urgently if you say you education is affected - and it doesn't matter if it's true or not, we're just trying to get them to help in some way.

I had to remind them it's summertime lol

Oh shit, you're right. Er. Well, In any case, it seems you've tried having reasonable discussions with your parents and it doesn't seem helpful to continue discussing this particular topic with them. Maybe get into fitness since it's summertime. Go outside, do something active. She can't cuddle you if you're running, right? Then you can also be stronger and feeling better physically improves mental health. Put some music on, go hiking or running, take yourself out of the situation.

I don't know if this is possible, but perhaps if you're experiencing a mental breakdown and you're afraid of hurting your family, run out of the house? It might be better to be physically away from them at that time to avoid saying or doing anything you regret. It may help clear your head and help your family realize that this is something that is truly debilitating to you.

I don't know your age, so I don't know if the school thing is relevant. It's only a suggestion.

You said it will be a while before you can live on your own. When I knew the cons of living with my family outweighed the pros, I did everything in my power to prepare myself for leaving because I needed a goal in order to survive. I needed distractions, reading, writing, gaming, music, anything else to occupy my mind and help control my thoughts. There was a time when I needed music to fall asleep (headphones in on low volume).

Also... uh.

I'm not saying you should do this. I'm only saying I did.

My siblings and I have physically fought before. One has scars from fighting me. The scarred one is the one closest to me currently.

Not saying you should do it.

But I did.

If anyone feels comfortable enough to share how they dealt with it in their own situation, please do. Maybe more perspectives can help this person.

--

some other experiences sent to me:

anon #1

I don't think I had a situation that extreme but my brother was a little like that. I honestly had to become kinda rude and indifferent. Like he'd always use my laptop and stuff and I put passwords on everything and just don't tell him. And then when he tried to hug or cuddle id say I don't liek it and just push him away physically now this soudns fucking obvious when I say it this way but like I don't think I read that u tried it ? Idk I discovered I have a loud annoying scream that neighbours will hear, and fucking strokg legs I used to kick him away but like I was tiny so I don't really endorse violence but I didnt like being close to a 'boy' essentially at taht age so yea... Idk man siblings are weird and I have had intrusive thoughts so I think I didn't handle it well but for a few years I became an asshole to him and then now I'm good with talking sometimes and I keep it short and sweet and I've mentioned that I'm sorry for being mean in the past bcuz like I am ? Bcuz I'm not an asshole ? ( But like I did what I had to do ) I hope u get the help and support u need

anon #2

I read the message from the previous anon and I have to say I relate to what they say. I wouldn’t say i’ve completely dealt with the situation when it comes to my parents.

I have 4 siblings and i’m the oldest, my sister that’s 2 years younger than me always gets in my way and is a tyrant. Because she’s much taller than me she overpowers me and i also have scars from when we’ve fought. My parents don’t intervene because they say we’ll make up soon and I honestly can’t stay mad at people for long. I also live with my parents and am not able to move out anytime soon until I get my degree.

A few weeks ago my mother was complaining to my father that I don’t help around the house and all that bullshit but it’s obviously not true. Anyway. My father came into my room and threw all my clothes from my cupboards on the floor and said my sister and I must get out of his house. He was literally pulling us and we were crying because where the hell would we go. My smaller siblings were begging for him not to chase us out of the house but he was ballistic. He was constantly throwing insults at me, calling me selfish and disrespectful. I was having a mental breakdown and I said i hope that God takes my life away because i’m too weak to do it myself. I kept saying that and when my parents heard me. They called me crazy and were laughing at me and said i should take it back because instead of me another one of my family members would go.

My parents don’t care about mental health and therapy. It’s all unnecessary to them. But after that night I tried to find my own way of getting rid of the negative thoughts, I choose to ignore what everyone tells me. I agree with everything that you said about trying to get away from their family when they have those thoughts. I try meditation and praying. I’m not sure if that person follows any religion but that’s what helped me. And writing can be cathartic. Also remember that you’re not alone, there are so many people out there who share your sorrows and can relate to your situation. I think about my little siblings who i’m close to and what it would be like if i wasn’t there.

Maybe if they could get a pet? I know having a pet can make you feel less alone and you feel a sense of responsibility towards them. As for their sister, she needs to see their point of view and tell her that she makes her feel overwhelmed with the things she does. She can spend time with her and try to make her understand that they need their space too.

anon #3

I also have sum advice 4 the sibling anon frm a fellow bpd buddy:

Does ur view of ur sister change from "i hate her" to "she's alright" sometimes? Viewing sum1 as all bad or all good is common in bpd ppl and usually changes alot. I rec writing down the moments where she shows she loves u. This could be thru buying smth for u or doing smth 4 u. I had a similar relationship w a friend and this exercise helped me remember that she might not have intentions to hurt me and might b trying 2 bond. Repairing the relationship might take a while. Talk alot if u can, it seems like ur family is at least willing to hear u out, even if there behavior doesn't change much. Keep sum distance if needed. Working out and finding fun hobbies is good.

If u feel like ur breaking down, try breathing exercises n identify 5 things u notice thru ur senses. What do u feel? What do u smell? What do u taste? What do u see? What do u hear? I personally like taking myself down rabbit holes. For example: I see a yellow jacket > this shade of yellow is a cool tone > what makes a color "cool" or "warm" > why do we associate red with warmth > what if the sun was blue > what if ocean water looked orange > is water wet

I usually end up forgetting what was making me upset. If it was a big deal I would still remember, but at least I would b less emotional and a bit more rational.

Search up cognitive behavior therapy and dialectical behavior therapy and try 2 practice sumthing similar 2 exercises u would perform w a therapist. Squeeze stress balls. Masturbate (this blog is perfect 4 that lol). Maybe watch some videos done by therapists on youtube. I watched a couple of videos abt therapists reacting 2 fighting in movies and I learned alot (this video was very fun to watch)!

Anyway that's what helps me! Good luck 2 u!!!

[laynemorgan]

I'm sure you've already provided it, but I'd be curious to hear your road to becoming a staffed writer. What first got you interested in it? Does it go back to school days?

Man it goes back far. I mean, I guess in some ways it doesn't. Since you asked more about what got me interested in where it goes back to, I'll give you the lest technical and more biographicl explanatin. My first goal was just to become a writer. I've been writing since I was a really little kid. I actually recently found journals from like the elementary and middle school days just filled with them. And it was never small scale, I'd always be planning out the whole fucking setting, how all the characters were connected, full universes. I made a fake fantasy. land in my backyard because my parents live on a lot of land. I called it Teleterania. I remember very little about it besides that that was the name hahah but I did do it!!! Everything I read only made me want to write. Everything I watched made me want to write.

Sometime around late middle school and early high school, I started watching more TV. I found soap operas and was OBSESSSED with their flare for drama. I found BTVS, Charmed, Smallville, Veronica Mars, OTH, etc. And all of those shows really got me actually looking at TV in a way I had never before. I got obsessed with their worlds and into their fandoms. I became the liek TV guy in my high school. There was even a group of girls I never got to really hang out with that would always call me over to their table to ask about what I knew about OTH stuff hahaha and 17 year old me thought that was awesome. Before my sister passed away, she and I took a road trip down to North Carolina to tour the One Tree Hill set. OTH was like the one thing that she and I agreed on. And it was so awesome. For me it was a first look at what the industry actually looked like, to see the sets and what went into it and all of that.

But I don't think my eyes really opened to actually WORKING in tv until college. I went to school for English Lit and Creative Writing in New Hampshire. My school had a great writing program and I was right at home there. i still credit my first writing professor who was only a grad student for really teaching me what I know about writing and editing and reading my own work for error and she passed me on to her favorite professor which was a hugely flattering moment for me. AND THEN -- I fell in love with PLL. And for me, that was really where shit started. I didn't realize it at the time and it wasn't even the show that did it it was what the show showed me. Through my tumblr at the time which had very little to do with fandom, I actually wound up running into Patrick Adams and Troian Bellisario. We all were always sharing each other's posts and at the time I was working for a journalist covering random TV out of a shitty free magazine in Boston doing work for peanuts. But I was going out to LA to meet up with a friend and we all decided to meet for lunch and they let me interview them for my magazine and stayed really rad people. They also helped boost my PLL photo recaps which I was doing at the time and those got the attention of the Director, Normal Buckley who asked me out to coffee and talked to me about my goals and what I was doing. He was the person who first really helped me understand that there's an approachability to the TV world that to me had always been this like magical hollywood bubble I didn't understand.

I went home THRILLED about LA, dropped out of college and set out to go to film school. From there, I hated film school because it was too technical adjacent, dropped out again, spent all the money I had on that move twice, and went home to boston broke and lost. I spent two years after that maybe more saving money, working in fandom, and waitressing while I went back to college online. That era wasn't super writing focused but it's where I found myself. I realized I was queer, I came out, I got into tumblr rpg, I met my fandom friends, I found tumblr fandom in a way I hadn't before. And then a couple years later I found tl100.

From there, the rest is kind of wonky. I had a big fan blog for the show and talked a lot about it on my twitter which lead me to many interactions with the writers who then invited me to dinner at comic con one year. I had a long talk with Shumway abut my goals and what I wanted to do with my life. I knew I wanted to be in TV somehow. I knew I wanted to be in writing somehow but I couldn't figure out how those two things aligned. I was doing a lot of journalism and critic stuff because that felt like the clsoest way to be both a fan and workin in the world I loved but it was really Kim and Shawna that opened my eyes to the ability to just .... be a TV writer. Film school had made me terrified of the wrtiing side but I think it was because film school was so much more about writing for film which I learned isn't my thing. But TV is a writers' medium, unlike film which is more fo a directors medium and suddenly I was like -- MIND BLOWN. It was everything I wanted in a career and married all of the things I loved. It was something that had previously felt like unattainable but they made it seem human and approachable.

They helped me get my first WPA job, I saved up 3 grand working and with the help of some friends and moved to LA to start that. And suddenly I was in a whirlwind of catching up on everything I felt like I had missed. I was reading scripts, learning what the process looked like, doing everything I coudl to figure out what being a TV writer looked like. After that job, I got another WPA job at Millar Gough on Into the Badlands and later Shannara.

THEN I got hired on Daybreak which I can fully credit with being a huge stepping stone for me and changing my life in a lot of ways. Aron was the best showrunner. He was educational and he taught us shit, he let us in the room, he let us write stuff, he let us pitch and try and fall on our faces and never judged us for it. My second season there he moved me up to writers assitant and patiently walked me through all the stuff I didn't know yet because he had faith in me and my voice and my ideas. He let me writ e afreelance episode that year and pitch it in the room and do all the things that real w riters get to do.

So after Daybreak season 2 got cancelled I was pretty ready to spend my next year or two just writing, finding an agent and moving forawrd. And then I got an email to go and work for Moira Walley Beckett. She was looking for an assistant with serious room experience to help develop something in a small room and stay on with her later. I took the job becuase she's MOIRA and I was stoked to learn from her and work for a woman for once. I ernded up very fortunate becuase a month later we were all surprised by the covid mess and I was fully employed that whole year while many people weren't which was a huge help. Moira was a STELLAR boss. I had thought I was ready and what she taught me was that ther's always so much more to learn. She walked me through the process of applying notes and taking notes and changing draft after draft of your story. SHe walked me through breaking a whole season of television. We had a great partnership for the year and I'm so grateful. And then that project didn't end up seeing hte light of day and we our separate ways as well.

Cut to a few months ago, I was still at home in Boston, post-covid, having been sick for most of january. My friend Rachel dared me to write a spec in a weekend for the Warner Bros fellowship deadline. So I did. It was a Legacies Spec. Given that we didn't have access to the WGA library because of the pandemic, Legacies was an easy and obvious choice. I had already seen it inside and out and didn't need as much access to learning a show from scratch. So I wrote what I loved, wrote a season 2 legacies spec that embraced my favorite things about legacies: the high school soap of one tree hill, Lizzie doing wild dialogue, buffy-esque monsters, and themes of grief and humanity.

AND THE REST you know.

Here we are. I'm still lost as fuck. I'm still running full speed through a world I don't always feel like I"m ready for. I'm still a perfectionist and an obsessive overworker. I still take notes I don't need to take and do work at 10pm and come in early and stare at the story boards. There's a whole journey in all of this about representation and coming to find myself and queer media and wanting to make more of it but that's one I don't feel like I can fully get into until I'm decades out of it and the world is truly made better. But I'm here. And it feels like the end of a journey and liek I'm standing at the edge of a brand new clif because I've only just started.

[annakie]

In the last few days I’ve watched all of the Spiderman movies made this century -

1. Except Into the Spiderverse because I watched that a couple of months ago and it’s still fresh in my head)

2. And I haven’t seen No Way Home yet (maybe tomorrow)

Here’s some thoughts.  No spoilers for No Way Home, I’ve avoided them at all costs and truly don’t know what happens in that movie.

McGuire

So I watched all the Toby McGuire movies as they came out, and I was already well into adulthood when they started releasing.  I do remember I loved them and I feel like I saw the first one several times and the last one maybe only when it came out? 

They’re definitely a product of their time and the writing was cheesy in places but also the first one is good.  Toby McGuire does not feel like a teenager at all IMHO but also this series spends by far the least amount of time in High School, it’s like, less than half of the first movie.  But otherwise, I think he does a good job.  The relationship with James Franco’s character felt genuine.  The second movie was still good.  Then the third...

Okay I remembered at the time when the third one came out comic book nerds were mad about “Venom”.  I know nothing about Marvel characters now and I knew a lot less back then and I was like “Ugh, shut up nerds, it’s just some characters in a movie.”

Now, years later after seeing Tom Hardy’s Venom movies, I would like to personally apologize to those nerds I mentally told to shut up, because they were right.  What a disservice to Eddie Brock and Venom that mess was.  Tofer Grace, they gave you some character named Eddie Brock to play but you were not playing Eddie Brock.  I was personally offended on behalf of Tom Hardy by that entire “Venom” storyline.

But overall, I still liked the Toby McGuire Spiderman movies.

Garfield

I’d never seen the Andrew Garfield Spiderman movies.  In fact, I also haven’t seen The Social Network.  Or literally anything else he’s been in that I can think of other than the Daleks Take Manhattan episodes of Doctor Who.

Good to see Garfield’s American accent has improved.

I really didn’t know what to think about his movies.  I didn’t dislike his performance.  I was excited for Martin Sheen as Uncle Ben and Sally Field as Aunt May.  All of the other actors did a fine job.  But idk, for some reason, these movies didn’t connect with me at all.  I literally watched them the day before yesterday and I am struggling to remember who the villains were, except I do remember one of them in the second movie was the same character Franco played in the first trilogy. 

Dennis Leary’s character dying in the first one was predictable but fine, it was a good plot motivator for the second movie.  I did appreciate the things they tried to do differently, though some changes felt arbitrary.  But when MJ died in the second movie I was really ready to be done with the Garfield Spiderman movies and tbh was glad there wasn’t another one to watch.  I didn’t really think they were bad, I guess they just weren’t for me.  TBH I felt like they were trying to hard to be young and hip and I just wasn’t feeling it. 

Also I missed JK Simmons.

But if Andrew Garfield is in this new MCU movie (and I TRULY don’t know if he is) I still think it’ll be fun and I would be excited.

Holland

So I had seen all of the MCU Spiderman movies.  Though I kind of saw them out of order because I watched Civil War --> Infinity War --> Endgame --> Homecoming --> Far From Home.  Something about that had never really let me connect with Holland’s Spidey.  So this time I went back and watched them in the right order, and it helped a lot.  I rewatched all of Endgame even though he’s barely in it because I had only seen it on release day and had forgotten half of what happened.

I’ve never been liek the biggest MCU fan?  I have watched most of the movies except the one or two that’s come out during the pandemic and have seen all the Disney+ shows, but this time I ended up really enjoying the Holland Spiderman movies and performance. 

I also really appreciated not having to sit through a 3rd “Uncle Ben Died And Woah I Have Powers Now!” rehash.  Having Tony Stark sub in as the Uncle/Father Figure was refreshing, worked well and really grounded the character in the MCU.   He was also the most realistically High School Spidey, and I loved his classmates in this one. 

Finishing Far From Home made me excited about seeing the next one, and that’s not that usual for me.

Shameik Moore / Miles Morales

Absolute perfection.  Never change.  Just needs more.  Can’t wait for the second movie.  Both Peter Parkers are super great in this, too.  But again, need more.  Also just hard to compare vs. the other three that are easier to compare.

Anyway, to wrap this up, my favorite Spidey’s are Holland > Miles Morales > McGuire > Garfield. 

[willsimpforazula]

Sokkla Month Day 27/28: Angst/Fluff

A/N: Song is Oath Sign by LiSA, English translation from Amalee's cover.

PS: Fate has some killer OPs.

PPS: I blame my laziness on being too engrossed in Seiba fanfics.

Anywho...bone apple tea or somthing liek dats

------

繰り返す世界 何度手を伸ばしたら

儚い涙は黒い心溶かすの?

芽生え出した思いが胸に響いたなら

君の隣でずっと変わらず護るだろう

Once again I reach my hand into a world, repeating on end

Though it's dark, could my tears carve a path and lead me right into your heart?

Like a rose it blooms and grows inside my chest you're name's all it knows

Is this fate, 'cuz every day I pray that by your side I can stay

The first time they met, it was in an abandoned town in some forgotten corner of the Earth Kingdom. From then on, they sought to find out everything and anything they could on each other.

Every piece of information, every scrap of rumours and sightings was held tightly to their chest, blooming and growing as each of them kept tabs on the other as best they could. When asked, they casually dismissed it as 'research on the enemy', though both of them knew they weren't fooling anyone. After all, research most certainly did not include figuring out each other's likes and dislikes, as if one were to be inviting the other over for some afternoon tea.

-------

堕ちた希望を拾って 明日に繋いでゆけば

絡まった歪な願いだってほどける

I'll gather these fallen flowers, the hope discarded and broken

And join them where they can meet, my wish is to set them free

"Are you sure about this?"

"More than I've ever been."

"What if your sister…"

"If she wanted to, she would have done it a long time ago."

"Regardless, I don't like it one bit. Not after what she did to-to-"

"You were just itching for an excuse to bloodbend me no matter what I said or did, even after helping you track down your mother's killer. But yes, please lecture me on what your brother can and cannot do."

"That was different."

"I fail to see the differences."

"......"

"Everyone deserves a second chance. Killing her doesn't solve anything. Or taking her bending away. Your brother is the only one who can get through to her. Not me, not the therapists. I just want her to be whole again, free from Ozai's influences."

"If she ever so much as hurts a hair on him, she is dead, consequences be damned and you won't stop me. Understand?"

"Be my guest."

-----

光をかざして躊躇いを消した

あげたかったのは未来で

泣いてる夜抱いたまま 嘆きを叫んで

踏み入れた足を 遠くの理想が そっと癒してゆく

確かな絆を強く握り進もう どこまでも

穢れきった奇跡を背に

Holding up the light within and with no hesitation,

To give you a future is all I wanted

Hold me tight through the dark endless nights, as I scream till the morning' s light

All my broken down ideals, I know they will heal

With every step they'll form the future

I'll hold tightly to this special bond we share, I'll follow you anywhere

Carrying onwards bearing this miracle

"Why are you here?"

"I-well, I-"

"Answer me, brother of Katara. Why do you come day after day? Is it because you wish to rub my defeat in my face? Or are you here to make me feel comfortable with my executioner? Answer me."

"It's neither of these."

"Lies."

"I'm not lying, princess."

"Stop it."

"Stop what?"

"This. Pretending to be my friend, offering empty words. I don't need any of these."

"That's where you're wrong. Your brother-"

"Is weak and an imbecile for letting me live."

"Everyone deserves a second chance. Even you."

"If the roles were reversed you would have been executed on the spot, after a long torture session that would make death seem like a release."

"I doubt that."

"What would you know of my methods?"

"Because I know deep down inside there is still that spark inside of you. You are only the way that you are because frankly your parents were shit."

"You know nothing!"

"Maybe. Maybe not." Pulling out a dossier, he slid it across to her.

"What is this?"

"Know thy enemy, know thyself and you will win a hundred battles. Call it a hunch, call it a brother's intuition. Besides, if you really wanted me dead I would have been killed, I don't know, about twenty times over before we got to this point?"

"Fuck off Sokka, I don't want to see your face for the rest of the month."

"Keep telling yourself that missy." he smirked, even as a fireball whizzed dangerously close to his head.

"My my, someone's rusty."

"Fuck you you no good piece of shit savage!" she snarled, even as he moved out of earshot. Sometimes, she thought, it was better to not meet one's idol after all.

------

創られた想い 触れればなによりも

温かくて現実が霞み始める

狂い出した世界に問いかけ続けても

答えなんて出ないって もう君は知っていたの?

泣いて滲んだ願いは 決して揺るぎはしなくて

ただそっと痛みを終わりなく与える

Once again I hope I can regain the warmth that's ahead, and I pray these fake feelings will blur

As the world starts to fade away

Even if I lose my grip and set this question free from my lips,

I won't be surprised to know no answer will come from the light

This wish that was born from our tears, I know it'll never waver

I won't forget the pain even as we forge on ahead

"Crown Princess Azula, you are hereby relieved of all titles save your status as a princess and are forbidden from entering Caldera without prior permission from the Fire Lord himself. You are to be placed under house arrest on Ma'inka for the rest of your days. All communication will be vetted and censored and any attempt at inciting rebellion will result in your bending being stripped away as your only warning. The next attempt will result in public capital punishment. Do you understand?"

"I hear and obey."

"One question."

"Go ahead."

"Why spare me? Why let me live with my bending, knowing that it will be more trouble than it's worth?"

"It seems you have an advocate high in the system that petitioned on your behalf. Any more questions?"

"None."

"You have twenty four hours to prepare, starting now. I suggest you make full use of this time."

Why did you do it? Sokka you stupid fucking idiot, I'm a fucking liablity here. I really hope you don't regret it, she thought to herself.

---

Dear Suki,

I know what you're thinking. Believe me, sometimes I wonder if it's easier to just let her die or languish in some asylum for the rest of her days. But, well, I don't think I'll ever sleep easy at night knowing that perhaps I could have done something to save her.

I know with every sentence I write, I'm essentially digging my own grave. And frankly, I don't blame you. After all she did throw you into the Fire Nation's Supermax. I won't pretend her hands are clean, that she didn't know what she was doing but still, I think everyone deserves a second chance.

I'm sorry.

Sorry for leading you on all this while.

Sorry for making you think we had a future together.

Sorry for making you wait so long before I came to save you.

Most of all, sorry for giving what is rightfully yours to someone who probably doesn't deserve it.

I know that you'd most likely hop on the next boat and drag my corpse back to Caldera so you can beat the shit out of me one more time but please, whatever happens, your happiness isn't with me.

PS: Katara was just as livid when I told her about it. Also, I hear Zuko is single and ready to mingle (probably not the latter; spirits know he has the social skills of a turtleduck, which is to say none).

---------

哀しみを知って 喜びを知った 弱さは君を変えて

立ち止まった時 剥がれ すべてを壊した

Only knowing of sadness

Never thought I could feel this

But now I know what is pure happiness

Time stops still, taking your breath away

So rip from weakness and escape

Standing on the bridge, the glowing lights of Caldera grew ever fainter until it was a distant white speck on the horizon, before it finally sank beneath the horizon. Under the light of the stars and moon, the vessel was illuminated by the moonlight and the bioluminescent blue algae crashing against the bow of the ship. It seemed ironic that a vessel that carried her off two years with the promise of greatness and glory would now be carrying her off to obscurity and exile.

"Here, wear this. Wouldn't want you getting a cold now?"

"Why?" she whispered, a stray tear falling from her eyes as she felt a coat placed on her shoulders.

"Why what?"

"Why do all of this? For me? For someone who doesn't deserve this?"

"Because no one stood up for you when they should have."

"You shouldn't have. You deserve your happy ever after with Suki, not a lifetime of pain and regret with me."

"Maybe. Maybe it's all for nothing and I deserve a lifetime of pain and regret for being an idiot. But if I'm being honest, the times I sparred with you were the times I felt most alive. Like as if I finally found what I've been seeking for all this while."

"This is a massive gamble you're taking, betting it all like this."

"What can I say? It almost worked on the Day of the Black Sun. It worked out on the day of Sozin's Comet."

"What makes you think you can save me from myself? More to the point, why do you think I want to be saved to begin with? Until you can give me a satisfactory answer, don't come and look for me." she replied.

Just as she was about to disappear into the ship, she heard him mutter "Because you deserve to be happy too."

------

届くはずのない言葉を託して 見えた瞳は

何を感じて遠ざけるの? 心隠すように

今ここにいる意味 教えてくれたなら

強くいられる 変わらずいつも

I keep screaming out to you though I may never reach you,

But still I can picture the light in your eyes

Tell me what makes you so afraid that you'd hide your heart away

If only you'd turn to to me and say the words that would give my life meaning

Then I would and will forever be strong enough

Ducking into her room, Azula cried into her pillow, as she asked if this was one of fate's twisted ironies dealing her a hand that seemed too good to be true. Monsters don't need saving, they need to be put down. You don't deserve him.

Shut up!

You know it's true.

What's stopping him from betraying you? Or has your adolescent heart fallen for him that you would excuse any of his actions?

Shut up!

I could go on. Do you want me to?

No, stop please!

Azula!

Azula!

Suddenly, she felt a pair of hands embracing her in a tight hug, making her gasp. It was warm, familiar and comforting. At once, the voices in her mind stilled, as the other person called out her name tenderly, like a parent with a lost child. Instinctively she knew it was Sokka, yet she kept her eyes screwed shut lest it all turn out to be a figment of her imagination.

After all, she had once hallucinated her mother talking to her on the day of Sozin's Comet when she was obviously nowhere near her room, much less Caldera or the Palace.

In a small still voice, she asked "Is-is it really you Sokka?", to which she felt a gentle pressure of his lips on her forehead and a response "Can hallucinations do this?"

"I don't know anymore. Please, don't lie to me."

"Open your eyes."

"No, what if it's all just my hallucinations?"

Another kiss.

"Still not convinced?"

"No."

Scooping up her hands in his, he pressed it against his chest and cheeks before asking her "Are you convinced now?"

In response, she buried her face in his shoulder, this time sobbing loudly as emotion overtook her senses. Meanwhile, Sokka just held her wordlessly, stroking her hair and back. When she finally stilled, he placed her on the bed and tucked her in. Before he left, she asked "Do you mean it?"

"?"

"What you said on the bridge, that I deserve to be happy too, even after all I've done?"

"Yes."

---------

光をかざして躊躇いを消した

あげたかったのは未来で

泣いてる夜抱いたまま 嘆きを叫んで

踏み入れた足を 遠くの理想が そっと癒してゆく

確かな絆を強く握り進もう どこまでも

迷いなんて目を開いて

振り払って手を伸ばそう

穢れきった奇跡を背に

Holding up the light within and with no hesitation,

To give you a future is all I wanted

Hold me tight through the dark endless nights, as I scream till the morning' s light

All my broken down ideals, I know they will heal

With every step they'll form the future

I'll hold tightly to this special bond we share, I'll follow you anywhere

No hesitating I'll open my eyes, though my heart's breaking

I'll reach out my hand and carry onwards

Bearing this miracle

15 years later….

"No no no Sokka you can't do this! You promised!" Azula screamed as she held his battered body in her hands.

"I-I'm sorry, firefly. I guess I was in over my head a little, huh?" he coughed, blood and spit staining the floor and her dress.

"I-we-don't have much time. There's someone else you need to protect."

"You're my only anchor to sanity Sokka! You can't."

Grabbing the nearest sheet of paper, Sokka wrote down a short message, before tearing off his necklace and dipping in it his blood, before pressing it into the paper like a seal.

"T-that should be enough, I think."

"Sokka please stop saying things like these! Our kid needs a father! She needs you! I need you!"

"Then I'm a terrible father if I can't protect those whom I love. Please, go now."

"Sokka!"

"Remember what I said on the bridge that night we left Caldera?"

"Yes, but don't you deserve happiness too?"

"Being with you these past fifteen years made me happy enough, so please, for the sake of yours and hers, go now while you still have the time."

"You're just one swordsman and a non-bender, how-"

"I have my ways. Seriously please, grab this and go! Every second we argue here is one second less you have to escape!"

"Alright, fine! But I better see you in Caldera, or else! I'll be damned if I let Risa grow up without a father."

"I'll try."

"No 'try', you will. Promise me Sokka."

"As you wish, firefly."

----

Present day

"Mommy, where are we going?"

"We're going to see daddy, Riri."

"Going to see daddy?"

"Yes, that's right." she replied as she stepped into the small shrine.

Turning her head and looking around, Risa could only see plaques with names and faces, but not a single person. Tugging on her mother's sleeve, she asked "Where's daddy? Why are we here?"

Scooping her up into her arms, she pointed at a plaque that bore his name and face, as well as a jet black sword encased in stone. "That-" she pointed, "is daddy."

At once, things clicked her mind and she asked the obvious "Is-is daddy gone?"

"No, no he isn't. Because he's in you and me. As long as someone remembers him, he will never be gone."

"Really?"

"Really."

Pulling out a handful of joss sticks, she asked Risa "Could you light this for me?" Nodding, she conjured a small green flame on her fingertips and lit the incense. Handing over three of the six sticks in her hands, both mother and daughter bowed twice, before placing it in the urn. Finally, Azula unwrapped a packet of seal jerky and placed it as an offering on the altar, before bowing again and taking her daughter by the hand to leave the place.

As they did, she could feel a burden being lifted from her shoulders as they crossed the threshold and just for a moment, she thought she could smell the ocean breeze and smoke, twin scents that reminded her so much of the boy, no, man who threw it all aside for her.

"I promise Sokka, I'll make sure Risa here grows up happy and healthy." she whispered to herself.