#like i immediately thought of b99

[livelovecaliforniadreams]

#When You Find Out Your Faves Have Kissed For The First Time

[madwomansapologist]

Hello! I noticed that you have Brooklyn nine nine in your masterlist

As a fan of B99, May I request a wholesome headcanon of Rosa Diaz, Amy Santiago, Jake Peralta, Charles Boyle and Terrence Jeffords' reaction of meeting the reader who is captain Raymond Holt and kevin cosner's adoptive child and is working in the 99th precinct

Sorry if this is long

99th precint meeting Kevin & Holt adoptive child would include

Masterlist | Rules | Taglist | Library | More B99 | AO3

synopsis: The squad already knew that Raymond Holt is a man of few words, but who would have thought that he had a child?

warnings: none. gender neutral. no race implied. no age implied. like jake and amy, everyone deserves to feel like Holt and Kevin's kid. all b99 detectives included. reader have Holt and Kevin's personality.

Dear 99th Precint, I proudly inform you that today will be my child's first day of work as a rookie cop in our precinct. Don't embarrass me. Sincerely, Raymond Holt.

• No one had ever heard Raymond talking about having a child. They never saw a photo of them on his house. Kevin never mentioned something. Or have them? No. No, they didn't.

• Even Gina was surprised. She was mean about it, of course, but she didn't knew anything.

• When Holt arrived, everyone was waiting for him on his office. Peralta tried to play cool before asking, but soon Terry was screaming about how could he have a child and didn't say anything to them.

Haymond answered without blinking an eye: "Peralta would make it weird." Everyone understood. "Hey!" Everyone except Peralta. "But why you don't have pictures with them on your house?" Amy asked. "Are you implying I would forget my child's face, Santiago?" Holt was clearly offended.

• You arrived apologizing for being three minutes and seven seconds late. Rosa widened her eyes, muttering about you being his copy. Holt smiled at that comment.

• Jake tried to act like a cool big brother but as soon as you opened your mouth he was fangirling over you. You made a mental note about calling him "bro" if you ever needed something from him or wanted to make him happy. Every single little thing you did was a reason for him to smile widely.

• Terry offered to show you the place, and told you everyone's name. He was all sweet and polite, acting like the dad of the squad. Well, he was. Terry made questions about your training and abillities. He was trying to show off, and it was working.

• Amy was affraid of saying something wrong. Amy danced when you said your father talked about her, and immediately regreted that. All her atempts of acting cool were imterrupted by Gina's jokes. She almost cried when you refered to her as your father's apprentice.

• Hitchcock and Scully thought you were already working with them. They didn't get what was happening. Holt was so glad when they went to took a nap.

• You and Rosa sat down and spent thirty minutes in absolute silence. It was the best experience of your entire life.

• Gina was waiting for you in the hallway of the bathroom. She asked if you wanna form a alliance with her. You obviously said yes, despite not knowing what she really meant by that.

• You were surprised for not meeting Boyle. On your lunch break, you realized why: he had rushed to prepare a meal for the two of you. He and Terry got into a fight about food while you were eating. It was exactly like your father told you. It was perfect.

• You have a nice feeling about working there.

GENERAL TAGLIST: @suakemi @notanalienindisguiseblink

if you enjoyed, please reblog! i promise it makes a difference ♡

@ madwomansapologist.tumblr.

[lookwhatyoumademedohaha]

The One Where Kaz Brekker Considers His Life Choices

Summary: Kaz Brekker is a deadly Barrel Boss who has the most dangerous task at hand... To deal with the chaotic shenanigans that you pull with the Crows.

Pairing: Kaz Brekker X Reader, Six of Crows X Platonic! Reader.

Warnings: Lots of humour, fluff, chaotic energy of our Crows.

A/N: So I'm down with a terrible cold and fever and in my delirium, I came up with this story inspired by John Oliver and B99. I hope you like it. Let me know your thoughts in the comments. Happy reading!

"Dammit." muttered Kaz under his breath as he searched for your face through the Crow Club because he was a hundred percent certain that you were responsible for his present headache as he controlled himself "No, I love Y/N, she's my friend, she's my friend who is good at her job..."

Kaz was fairly certain he looked like a lunatic but finally he spotted you at the Crows private table laughing with your friends.

He marched up to you with his stony expression as he overheard Jesper announcing his plans "I think I might customize my revolvers."

Wylan immediately interjected "What? How are you going to do that?"

"I was thinking really bright colours like purple,pink and orange to match my outfits and maybe engrave my name." said Jesper thoughtfully while all of them rolled their eyes and laughed "I mean, it's going to be so much fun!"

"Oh yes! So fun! Absolutely fun!" you mocked Jesper in a high pitched tone as you smirked at him "Or when you commit murderer, a grave oversight on your part. Good news Chief, we found Fahey's revolvers at the murder scene."

Jesper stuck out his tongue at you childishly while you replied sarcastically "We do not know what motivated him to go on a killing spree but he had a lot of fun with it."

Kaz stood behind you "Y/L/N"

"Ah Kaz, you're looking very happy today." said Nina brightly as she greeted him infuriatingly "Let us guess what happened based on your facial expression. You got offered a job with a lot of Kruge and high stakes?"

Inej joined in the fun "Pekka Rollins finally died?"

Maththias' smirked "He found a life of charity and prayer."

Everyone nodded in agreement and Wylan grinned "He's about to reveal that he's actually Nikolai Lantsov!"

"Saints! Wylan, he's about to reveal that he's secretly married to me and has secretly raised my baby!" cried Jesper dramatically as Kaz thought of resignation from this life.

"All of these options is probable. But I know the Captain. He's having a meltdown." you announced dramatically exasperating Kaz who hadn't got one word in since this conversation started.

Matthias looked at you pointedly and then at Kaz "What are you talking about? The demjin looks the same as he always does."

"To you perhaps. But I have mastered the art of reading his emotions. His lips are tightly sealed, he's gripping onto his cane as if he's trying to control himself and he's blinking at his three second intervals as opposed to his nine." you observed Kaz closely with a knowing smile surprising Kaz who was tongue tied and speechless that you could easily read him "Therefore, he's having a meltdown!"

Wylan intervened as he shook his head at you fondly "That seems excessive."

You grinned "No, I'm impressive."

Nina knew that you were telling the truth based on Kaz' heartbeat she heard as she queried sweetly "So Waffles, is everything okay?"

Kaz glared at Nina and then at you "No. I'm having a meltdown."

Wylan and Matthias gasped at you as if you were a Saint "Wow."

Kaz decided to speak before anyone could interfere "Who the hell is responsible for the mess?"

"You have to be more specific about which mess given out daily life experience." retorted Nina sassily.

Kaz eyebrows furrowed deeply "Alright. The slogan outside the Crow Club and the Slat? Who did it?"

There was silence as everyone pointed toward you who looked unremorseful as you smirked at Kaz who was fuming in rage as he turned his dangerous gaze upon you "As I suspected. Now you better have a goddamn good reason as to why you would do such a silly, stupid, idiotic act?"

You looked completely calm for a person who was about to feel Kaz Brekker's wrath "Clear communication and marketing to our customers."

Kaz couldn't quite comprehend what you said as he stuttered "Excuse me?"

"Well Kaz, to tell you the truth, people in Ketterdam weren't really clear on where we were coming from... you know our main objective as to why we steal,maim and kill so much." you explained nonchalantly and calmly that made Kaz feel as if he was the idiot in this conversation. "So we put up a slogan to educate everyone in Ketterdam, our objective in pursuing destruction and crime."

"It's rather a genius slogan, Y/N." praised Inej with a kind smile "The ones we came up with were sloppy and funny but Y/N understood the assignment."

Kaz realized that you had come up with the goddamn slogan yourself as he literally let out all his exasperation out "Yes but did the slogan of the Dregs have to be BECAUSE DEATH IS THE UNDENIABLE FUEL OF LIFE!'"

"I think it's very classy, professional and straightforward conveying the necessary message." commented Matthias with honest admiration for your work and grinned at how red the demjin was "People won't like it but at least they'll understand and respect where you come from."

All of them exchanged mischievous glances as they saw Kaz close to spontaneously combusting and had to hand it to you. This was the best prank they played on Kaz and honestly at this point, you should be appointed as the Prank master General of the Dregs.

"I can't believe you would do something so stupid!" burst out Kaz in despair and anger.

You remained completely unfazed while Nina, Matthias, Wylan, Jesper and Inej snickered in unison "Can't you?"

"Shut it! I know you lot encouraged her to do this." snapped Kaz in frustration as he pointed at the rest of his friends who grinned

Kaz looked at you once again as he took a deep breath "And why did you place this slogan in bright and glittering colours as bright as Jesper's irritating fashion sense?"

"Because people are more attracted to bright colours and like glitter. Like if I saw that message in black, I'd be afraid but since it's in pretty bold sparkling colours, everyone kind of digs it." you said smartly while the rest of the Crowd clapped proudly for you "They are not like afraid. They are more like... Oh my god Kaz Brekker is about to murder me. Go right ahead Kazzle Dazzle, just whack me -"

"Alright thank you, that's enough." interrupted Kaz hastily and briskly because he did not want to hear the end of the sentence.

Amidst the Crows loud laughter, Jesper hooted "They're like... I'd die for Kaz Brekker and honestly he'll let me. Brutal!"

"The way I consider murder illegal but if Kaz Brekker is doing it, make me the victim." replied Wylan with a teasing smirk.

"CHOKE ME TO DEATH DADDY BREKKER, HALLELUJAH!" you yelled loudly as you raised your glass while Kaz was completely red in the face, embarrassed by his friends drunk shenanigans and chaotic energies.

"Daddy... It's a kink isn't it? It's like a paternal thing?" explained Nina with a wink to Maththias' who had inquired about it.

"Alright Freud." retorted Kaz rolling his eyes at Nina who laughed as he hoped to shut down this conversation quickly "I don't understand why you chose that particular slogan. It sounds like an excerpt from a letter of a serial killer!"

You looked at Kaz with a deadpanned expression "How many killings does it take for a person to be a serial killer?"

Kaz was slightly taken aback but answered nevertheless "Er... Five?"

"Great. We're all serial killers." sighed Jesper dramatically as he looked pointedly at Kaz who obviously had the highest body count.

"Not me." stated Wylan with an innocent smile.

"Bitch please!" chorused everyone together in disbelief as they glared at Wylan who was hiding a grin and you added "You have the second highest body count and you're relatively new."

Jesper grinned as he placed a kiss on Wylan "Well that's my man! He's spectacular at everything he does!"

Kaz gave up. There was no point talking to you.

"Fine. Those slogans are to be taken down tonight -" began Kaz when Rotty came toward them

"Sorry to interrupt boss but there are more than eighteen people and some other gang members queued outside waiting to be initiated as part of the Dregs."

You smirked into your drink as you heard Kaz retort "What is the meaning of this?"

"Uh... The new slogan is real popular boss. People want to be part of the Dregs because we showed them out vision and they like it." said Rotty vibrating in excitement "Also, the customers are pouring in more boss! I think it's the glitter they like -"

"Thank you Rotty. I'll attend to it. Dismissed." said Kaz as he felt your infuriating and insufferable smirk burn a hole through his skull.

"Oh Captain... I believe it's time to say those very special words." you crooned sweetly as you watched Kaz' lips twitch once.

"Y/L/N... you're a genius." stated Kaz in a deadpanned expression and watched in amusement as you nearly choked on your drink while the rest of the Crows were checking their drinks for toxin trips.

You squealed in delight "OH MY GOD! YOU ACTUALLY SAID IT! IT'S REAL!"

"I heard you practicing it to yourself in your room last night." said Kaz calmly and deadpanned as he smirked at how your enthusiasm slightly faded but you were still grinning.

You nodded "That makes more sense. So are you like now going to give me a raise, or a -"

"You're an idiot, Y/N." said Kaz with a subtle exasperated and amused smile and walked away.

"THANK YOU? YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO SAY THANK YOU CROWFATHER!" you yelled out loud in exasperation and amusement as everyone laughed.

Inej smiled "Honestly, I didn't expect the prank to turn into something profitable."

Jesper frowned slightly "Yeah it kind ruins it all, doesn't it?"

"Never fear my friends. Kaz is a prankster's delight." you replied with a delightful smile, mischief glinting in your eyes.

Before anyone could ask what you meant, Kaz Brekker's mad voice rumbled across the Crow Club "Y/N Y/L/N! WHAT ARE ALL THESE CONGRATULATORY LETTERS I'VE RECEIVED FROM DIGNITARIES ALL OVER THE WORLD ABOUT THE FACT THAT I AM TO BE MARRIED TO THAT STRUTTING PEACOCK ZOYA NAZALENZKY AT THE CHURCH OF BARTER IN KETTERDAM IN TWO DAYS?"

"What?" exclaimed Jesper in amazement

Nina, Wylan, Inej and you exchanged amused stares "Who's going to tell him Zoya is in on this and is actually coming here tonight?"

"You know what, never change, Y/N." said Matthias looking at you affectionately and then looked alarmed because he saw the demjin marching toward you "But you better run or you'll be in trouble with the demjin!"

"Trouble?" you laughed as you winked at your friends "You're only in trouble if you are caught!"

Kaz caught you before you could flee "Gotcha!"

"I'm in trouble." you mumbled and then grinned widely at Kaz Brekker who looked like a bull who had just been kicked as you bit him making him let go of you and you took off running "Congratulations on your nuptials, Captain! You're going to be a lovely bride!"

[audhd-nightwing]

teen wolf as b99 quotes

*lydia’s party in s2*

lydia: why is no one having a good time? i specifically requested it.

***

isaac, to lydia: derek told me not to let him get hurt tonight, so i’ll keep him away from you.

later

stiles: have you seen lydia?

isaac: lydia died eight years ago.

***

derek: oh, are you and allison no longer…

scott: smushing booties?

derek: …yes that’s exactly how i was going to phrase my sentence, scott.

***

stiles: we gotta get to hospital and we gotta get there fast.

jackson: then i should drive.

scott: why you?

jackson: i have nothing to live for and i drive like it.

stiles: …okay, let’s do it.

***

stiles: all right, give me your hair-dryer.

allison: what?

stiles: don’t you carry one in your purse?

allison: have you ever met a human woman?

stiles: …*calls lydia*

lydia: hey, stiles.

stiles: hey. do you carry a hair-dryer in your purse?

lydia: of course. i’m not an animal.

***

stiles: you think you can just bully people, but you can’t. it’s not okay.

stiles: i’m the bully around here. ask anyone.

***

erica: i’m not a stone cold bitch.

erica: i’m a natural, beautiful presence.

***

stiles: do you know how many basic bitches would kill to have the same personality as me?

***

peter: we can go to my apartment. no one knows where i live.

derek: i thought you had stiles over once.

peter: yeah, it was fun. i moved the next day.

peter: he would way too easily use that information against me.

stiles: he’s right, i would.

***

scott: stiles, i screwed up, big time.

stiles: scott, given your daily life experiences, you’re gonna have to be more specific.

***

kira: ‘writing things down’ is nerdy!? what do you do?

malia: i just forget stuff like a cool person.

***

allison: you are disturbingly good at this.

lydia: i grew up forging report cards.

lydia: if people knew how smart i was, it would have been harder to control them.

***

stiles: are you a minor? how old are you?

liam: i’m 610. i’m a highlander.

stiles: okay, you know what? i’m gonna put that in there.

stiles: and then you’re gonna be tried as an adult highlander, and they’re gonna cut your head off.

***

erica: what do you look for in a guy?

stiles: i don’t know, real stuff. shape of his ass.

erica: yeah that tracks

***

scott: i straight up drove him off, big screw up on my part.

derek:

scott: i’m trying this new thing, where i just own my mistakes. i like it, do you?

derek: i did. until you bragged about it.

***

boyd: you searched for ‘cheapest date possible’.

stiles: and i wear that search like a badge of honor.

***

scott: wow, your handshake is quite firm.

kira: i took a seminar.

scott: where?

***

stiles: a parsec is actually a measure of distance. that’s one of the many inaccuracies in the ‘Star Wars’ universe.

malia: and what’s ‘Star Wars’?

stiles: oh boy.

***

scott: okay- no big deal, five days is nothing. i’m not afraid to be alone with my own thoughts.

scott: my thoughts are awesome. die hard 6 on a cruise ship… pizza bagel restaurant…

scott: my father never loved me, i’m gonna die alone.

scott: oh boy, that escalated quick.

***

stiles: well, remember when you told me not to burn down the precinct?

sheriff stilinski: you burned down the precinct??

stiles: no, i had the fire put out almost immediately. this is a success story!

***

stiles: peter, this isn’t High School Musical.

scott: yeah, peter, this isn’t High School Musical 2.

stiles: yeah, and it isn’t High School Musical 3: Senior Year.

***

boyd: i’m fine at parties.

boyd: i just stand in the middle of the room and don’t say anything.

***

derek: i only feel one emotion, and it’s anger.

isaac: last night you drunk-texted the whole pack a bunch of heart emojis.

derek: …out of anger.

***

stiles, to jackson: no hard feelings. but i hate you.

stiles: not joking. bye.

***

lydia: give me the ring.

stiles: ha, you sound like Gollum.

lydia: that means nothing to me.

lydia: i don’t see those movies, i’m too pretty.

***

stiles, walking out after a pack meeting ends: sexy train is leaving the station.

stiles: check out this caboose! later, sluts.

***

scott: look at me. do not blow this for us.

random dog that allison hit with her car:

***

peter: i really miss these people, the whole pack. stiles, scott…

peter: …i forget all their other names.

derek: *judgemental eyebrow raise*

[agendercrisisx]

I return with more Denki brainrot

Denki gets super fixated on media like anime and stuff, and his favorite thing is the way his partner will just sit there and listen or even get fixated on the same media as him. You get super heated about something in the media he introduced you to? Immediately kissing you, no thoughts required. He softly says how much he loves you and then fucks you so gently and lovingly, making sure you know how much you mean to him and muttering everything he loves about you through kisses. I LOVE HIM OKAY

Ranting With Your Boyfriend

I don't know how I missed this in my inbox, it's so perfect. And our perfect Denki needs more attention.

Also, I looked for like 15 minutes, to find some info about his favorite animes or media, and I couldn't find shit. So I'm just gonna make something up, I love Brooklyn 99 and Marvel so I'm gonna write that he likes some of that. (The only thing I could find he likes was Pokemon, but that felt a bit on the nose. And it wasn't an official site, it was fans answering questions about him, and after Pokemon had been the answer 8 times, I kind of gave up.)

Also, I'm obsessed with both franchises, so what Denki says about the shows is my own opinion, so this is my excuse to rant about them. So spoilers for season 8 of B99. It's not important to the story, so you can just skip it.

Denki Kaminari x gn!reader

Warnings: sex, semi-public sex (someone can definitely hear them),

Word count: 2079

Denki's lips are moving faster than any of the others in the rooms can even try to understand, but you're right by his side clinging to his every word. Your eyes locked on his face, his so beautiful face. How his blonde hair falls perfectly around his face, and his soft lips, talking about his favorite show. You watched every episode of Brooklyn 99 with him, he may have watched it 17.000 times before you, but he watched it with you. He explained everything to you, every detail, everything about the actors, he made you notice things you never would have on your own.

"The only problem is the last season. It feels forced. Mac is amazing and it shows how much Jake has grown, but Terry has almost had no character growth, and the fact that Raymond and Kevin separate is just so weird, cause they always talked about stuff, and the fact that Kevin can't feel the pressure Holt is under is just weird. But of course, the kiss they share at the end of the season i so perfect, it makes me wanna cry every time. Also, there are so many plot holes, all seasons through. Jake at some point talks about how Blockbuster is gone, and then a season or so later, he asks the others what happened to Blockbuster. The same with stuff they just make up at some point, they say one thing and make a character some way, and then a season later, or just an episode later, they go against what they had made up about the character."

His ramble is the cute thing about him, the smile on your lips as he just talks and talks about the problems with his favorite show. You know that he'll in just a second start explaining what's so good about it. And like a cue, he continues.

"But at the same time, it's so comforting. It's funny, it's not offensive and it doesn't make fun of marginalized groups. There's all kinds of representation, and... Oh yeah, did you know that the actors for Amy Santiago, Melissa Fumero, and Rosa Diaz, Stephanie Beatriz, never thought they'd both get the role? Cause they're both Latina, and when one of them got the role, the other one thought it was lost, but they both got it and they were both so happy. And they play the characters amazingly. Did you also know, that Stephanie often breaks character and smiles or laughs in scenes, you just need to look for it. It's amazing that..."

Before he gets to finish his sentence, your lips are on his, and a small sound leaves his lips. But with the others in the room, he tries his best to stay quiet.

"Get A Room!" Bakugous voice is sharp, and you quickly break apart.

"Oh let them be." Mina interrupts, smiling at you and hitting Bakugou in the back of his head. He doesn't say anything and falls further back on the couch. Mina continues,

"But if you need some peace and quiet, we can leave." She gestures at the boys on the couch, Kirishima and Sero are playing cards and look up at Mina, nodding. Bakugou just scowls, keeping his mouth shut. Denki looks at you, trying to figure out what you want.

"You don't have to, but..." Before you get to finish your sentence, Mina interrupts.

"That's our queue, let's go boys." She hurries them out of the sofa, while you and Denki are still sitting on the ottoman. Sero winks at you before Kirshima pushes him out the door. Mina following right after pushing Bakugou.

"Just us," Denki whispers and pushes a lock of your hair, out of your face.

"Yeah just us," you smile and he returns it even wider.

"Do you remember the last two heist episodes?" He nods, and you continue. "It's a sweet ending, but at the same time, it just feels rushed, like they couldn't figure out a good ending and they just quickly came up with something. It's also kinda sad that we never really see Arlo, we see him in like one episode, I miss my pretty golden labrador..."

Denki grabs the back of your head pulling you into a heated kiss. It's slow at first, letting you taste the chocolate on his lips, as he sweeps his tongue against your bottom lip. You smile into the kiss and he pulls you harder against him, taking control of it. Leading you how he wants you, softly laying you down on the ottoman, so he can pull your head back and kiss your neck.

You let out a groan as he bites the tender spot on your neck, that he knows gets you weak in the knees. He nibbles at your earlobe, slowly letting out a strained moan.

"God you're perfect, my perfect angel. You make me so fucking hard, you know that? With those eyes of yours, looking like you want to get fucked all the time. Those puppy eyes, begging me to take control and fuck you senseless. Oh, how I can't wait to bury myself inside you, feeling you clench around me as I fuck you so slowly." He pulls away from your ear, looking down at the lust in your eyes. He knows you so well, he knows everything about you. And you him.

"Let us get this thing out of the way," he pulls at your shirt, and you're quick to help him get it off. He looks down at your chest, with eyes that make you melt. He loves you so much, everything about you, not even caring what others think. You mean everything to him, and no one can change the fact that he's planning to marry you.

"Your turn," you utter, and he almost rips it in half trying to get it off. His chest is defined, nipples you wanna put in your mouth, abs you wanna ride. Everything about him is just so perfect. So damn perfect.

"My eyes are up here angel." He laughs and you join in, he makes the dumbest jokes, at the dumbest time.

You reach out for him, and he stays still as your fingers slowly run along his abs. His toned muscle feels hard under your fingers, and as your finger travels lower, he lets out a trembling breath.

"Be nice... please." His words are shaky and you smirk. You let your hand wander and glide it along the sexy v muscle at the bottom of his torso. He exhales unsteadily, and you can see how weak this makes him.

"Let's make a deal, you fuck me nice and good, and I'll behave. I promise." He doesn't see the crossed fingers behind your back and quickly bends down above you to catch your lips in a kiss. You moan into it as he strokes your tongue with his own, he softly caresses your cheek. He puts his knee down between your legs, pushing you backwards.

"I'll take good care of you angel, but you gotta promise to keep quiet. We're still in the living room after all." You nod, already too eager for what's about to happen.

He places a soft kiss just behind your ear, and a shiver runs down your spine. He slowly moves further down, letting soft kisses follow his path. He stops at your nipple, softly licking around it, and taking it in his mouth to suck. You let out a strained moan, and he immediately lets go.

"What?! No. No. No. please continue." You whimper, a smirk playing on his lips.

"We need to make a deal if you're loud..." He pauses for a second, "Then I'll stop. Well end out fun, so you gotta stay quiet, angel."

"How is that fair?! You know that's not realistic." You mutter, staring at Denki.

"Okay, we can just stop here and watch a movie?" You stare at him with the most evil glare you can obtain.

"Fine." You pout, walk over, and sit down on the couch. Denki is right behind you, sitting down next to you. He places a hand on the backrest and around you. You say nothing and just hand him the remote. He finds a show, and you're too riled up to even care what's playing.

Denki pulls a blanket down and swoops it around you, cowering you completely. For a few minutes, you are just watching the movie. Annoyed by the fact that he left you hanging, but nothing to do about it now.

His hand on the backrest slowly moves down, moving around you to find your desperate hole. You whimper as he puts soft pressure where you need him the most.

"Let's help you out. Shall we?" He whispers, slowly moving your clothes out of the way with his hand, so his finger can steadily sink into you. You whimper, doing your best to keep quiet. Not knowing if his demands are still the same.

His pace is torturingly slow, pumping in and out of you. His eyes are still on the show, not even offering you a glance as he fucks you with his fingers. You whimper as he hits a certain spot in you, biting your lip to try and keep the noise contained.

He smirks, but his gaze is still on the screen. He pulls his digits out and a desperate noise escapes your mouth.

"That was beyond mean." You state, and his eyes finally move to you, studying you, like he is trying to remember every detail. His hand finds your cheek and he pulls you into a kiss, it's slow at first, letting you savor the feel of him. He pulls you onto his lap, and he swiftly takes control of the kiss and makes you grind your hips onto his hard cock. You moan, and he bites your lips to keep you quiet.

"Let's get these clothes off you, so I can get inside... soon. I need you." His voice is so filled with lust, you can feel yourself clench around air. God you want him inside you, as quickly as possible. You need him more than air.

He rips your pants and underwear off you in one swift motion, leaving your bottom bare. He pulls himself out of his pants, not caring about anything, but you right now. He grips your hips and pulls you onto him. He moans, and a scream rips from your throat.

"Fuck you feel good, angel. Damn... I..." He's breathing heavily, trying to catch his breath. As the feeling of you around him surrounds him. You feel so damn good.

He lifts you up slowly and lets you drop down again. You moan into his neck and he does it again. Slowly setting the pace, taking care of you. Moving you, right as he wants you.

His rough hands on your waist are the only thing that keeps you grounded. He feels so heavenly in you, you can already feel the tension building in you. The feeling building and building. He keeps the pace of you on him, your head in his neck moaning softly as he moves you.

"Oh angel, you already close? Want my help?" You moan softly into the crook of his neck, and thats his cue. His hips snap up into you, making you cry out. He does it again, fucking up into you, so much faster than the pace was before.

"Cum for me angel! I need you to cum!" The strain in his voice, tells you he is close too. But you don't have to be told twice. The tension snaps and your whole body falls into a little piece of heaven. Your whole body is tingling, and your sight goes white for a second, as you slowly come back down to earth.

His hips are still snapping up into you, and you know he is so close.

"Please baby, please cum for me, please, please, please, I want your cum." You whisper in his ear, and that's the last thing he needs. He cums in you, painting your walls white. The feeling of his cum in you makes you whimper. Everything about him feels so good.

"I love you so much, angel." His breathing is heavy and he lets his head rest on your shoulder. " You did such a good job for me. I'm so proud of you baby." He mumbles into your shoulder, kissing the skin softly.

[whatthefishh]

Satisfactory Pt 2

Jake Lockley x Fem Reader

Words: 3k

Summary: Jake comes back to your apartment. Seggs. Peep the B99 ref.

Warnings: in this chapter, there is HELLA SMUT, minors DNI:

Use of sex toys, oral (f receiving), p in v, cream pie, spitting, idk wtf else it's filthy alright it's fucking Jake MF Lockley what do you expect

Special thanks to @kittyofalltrades and @symbioticskywalker for being my very kind soundboards for this chapter xo

Thanks to everyone who liked part 1 (this is probably going to be a 5 part series) ❤️

Music I liked with the story:

Ravyn Lenae - Spice Miguel - Come through and chill Brent Faiyaz- Poison The Weeknd - I feel it coming DJ Khaled - Wild thoughts Rosalia - Yo x ti, tu x mi

Alright. Let's get to the good stuff.

☽🌑☾

You’re stumbling through your front door, Jake unable to keep his hands off of your ass, kissing your neck as he trailed behind you. The two of you had made it to your elevator before succumbing to the gravitational pull that was dancing between you, mouths colliding as soon as the doors shut. It was all tongue and teeth right away; no space for the sweet, shy kisses usually found between two new lovers. 

Somehow you found your apartment, fumbling with your keys to get the both of you inside lest your nosy neighbors come out and see you being defiled in your building hallway. Breaking apart for air and to gain your footing, you take the chance to strip yourselves of your jackets and shoes, the haste in your actions mirrored in Jake’s. 

He rushed forward, hands cradling your face to seal your lips together in another heated kiss. Moaning into his mouth, you walked him backwards towards your bedroom, silently thanking the gods that you took the time to clean up a bit before you left the house. He’s kissing you, and kissing you and kissing you and he’s so damn good at it, it leaves you a little intimidated. 

The back of your knees hit the end of your mattress and he finally pulls back to let you breathe, grinning down at you, chests heaving. You’re taken aback by the sheer desire clear in his eyes. 

Your hand comes up of its own volition to rest on his chest when he leaned back in, causing him to stop. 

“Sorry, wait a second.” You’re trying to get out of your head. There’s a man in your bedroom who clearly wants you. Not just any man, too, Jake motherfucking Lockley. How many times were you going to say his name in your head to come to terms with the fact that yes, it’s him, and yes, he’s not only talking to you but trying to help you just like you asked. 

“What is it? What’s wrong?” Jake immediately stepped back to give you space.

“I just--… it’s just been a while,” you admit quietly, looking away from his intense gaze. 

“Cariño, it’s okay. Whatever you’re willing to give me is okay. I said I’m yours for the night, remember? We can even just hang out.” 

His kindness swept you off your feet, any concerns you had about him possibly being an opportunistic rake fled your thoughts. Pulling him down by his neck, your kiss took him by surprise but he quickly wrapped his arms around you to pull you close again.  

“Some music might help?” he suggests between some more toe-curling kisses, and you almost don’t want to pull away to think about what he just said because you’re afraid of looking so dazed when you’re both still fully clothed. 

Why does he have to be so damn considerate? He’s right though, music would definitely help you get out of your thoughts, so you reluctantly push him away to put your playlist on. When you turn back to him, he’s already unbuttoned his shirt and the smooth planes of his chest and abdomen are on display for you, the small trail of hair leading into his pants catching your eye for longer than appropriate. Darting your eyes back up to his as you near him, you can see that he’s so fucking smug because he absolutely caught you staring. 

Once close enough, he’s grabbing your waist with his hands, long fingers creeping up the hem of your sweater, goosebumps rising from his touch. Raising his brow at you in question, your small nod of approval has him stripping you of your sweater. You blush under his intense gaze, his eyes drinking in your lace-covered breasts. 

“I just–um,” you start off shyly again, desperate to explain your thoughts, to get it out of your head before it repeats itself until you want to scream. “Never in my wildest dreams did I expect this. I’m a little worried I won’t measure up to the girls you’re used to.” 

He tucks a strand of hair behind your ear and holds your jaw, tilting your head so you look into his eyes before he responds, making sure to douse conviction into his voice so you believe him.

“I’m not thinking about anyone else right now, are you?” You shake your head. “You’re fine, you’re perfect.” 

The scary part is he kinda already likes you. Your big, curious eyes, how easy it is to fluster you, and as much as he wants to completely ravage you at this moment, he has a nagging feeling it’ll be a bit different, a bit more intense with you. 

You gaze up at him with so much trust in your eyes it blows him away. He almost feels guilty for what he has planned. Almost. 

“I wanna see you, querida. Can you show me how you like it? Show me how you touch yourself?” he asked, honey dripping from his voice. You’d probably agree to anything he’d ask of you if he used that voice. 

Nodding together, he reaches down to help you take off your bottoms and seats you on the edge of your bed, pulling your pants and panties off gently, kneeling in front of you to get a good view. Jake could already see your slick catching in the light and he couldn’t help himself, deviant that he is. He leaned in before you could react and inhaled deeply, taking in your scent, chest rumbling as he sat back on his haunches to stare up at you with blatant lust written all over his face. 

Your jaw was on the floor, it had to be, the guy basically devoured you with his nose. You’ve never been this wet before foreplay and you were embarrassed, to be honest, until he wrenched your legs apart roughly and groaned at the sight. Nevermind. Not embarrassed, just incredibly turned on. 

“Such a pretty pussy, doll. Is this all for me?” His index finger hovering above your entrance before forcing himself to pull back. “Show me.” 

You scramble to comply, mesmerized by his commanding tone, your fingers spreading your soaked folds, sinking two inside easily. You both moan in unison at the first thrust of your fingers, your eyes closing involuntarily at the lewd image of Jake on his knees watching you touch yourself. You’re so lost in the sensation that you don’t notice his movements until you feel the cool, vibrating touch of your newly purchased toy on your clit, jolting your eyes open. 

Jake is staring down at your pussy with intent, licking his lower lip and you’re permanently etching the image into your brain. He experimentally pushes the button, changing the intensity of the vibrations, smiling triumphantly as he earns a loud cry from you. His coffee irises watch as your breathing changes, chest rising quickly as your orgasm approaches even quicker now, fingers unevenly thrusting. Yanking your hand back, he’s quick to replace it with the 7-inch still vibrating pink monstrosity, pumping it into you, hell-bent on making you absolutely lose your shit. Which–you are, for the record. 

You lean back resting on your elbows and briefly think back to the videos you’ve seen of Jake. The girls were always extremely responsive and you remember wondering if they were being genuine or not. Clearly, the man knew what he was doing. 

He’s leaning in even closer now, flattening his forearm over your pelvis to hold you down, hitching one thigh over his shoulder and fitting his mouth over your drooling cunt, latching onto your clit and slurping obscenely, toy being held inside, still vibrating, waiting for you to drop, waiting for the muscles in your thigh to tense around his head– 

“Oh God–” you shatter. The euphoria spreads like wildfire, lightning fast in your veins, stretching your broken cry into desperate gasps.

You manage to open your eyes after God knows how long, just in time to catch Jake pull the now-off vibrator from your quivering core and promptly wrap his lips around the glittery toy, moaning as your flavour hits his tongue, glancing up at you while sliding it further and then out of his mouth with a pop, only to smile brightly at you when you let loose a whimper. 

“Exquisito.”

You flop backwards on the bed.

☽🌑☾

You’re straddling his thick, dreamy thighs, his back against your headboard, hands bruising your hips, his face buried in your bosom, desperately mouthing at the tops of your breasts like if he tries hard enough he’ll be able to physically consume you, and you’re struggling to line yourself up with his cock with how determined he is to leave his marks on you. 

“You gon’ ride me or what, hermosa?” He growls into your skin, finally pulling away to hold himself at your dripping entrance. You’re tempted to slam down on it hard and fast to shut him up, but you hold back, knowing your year of celibacy would cause that exact situation to fucking hurt. It’s going to hurt regardless, you tell yourself, looking at his size. Suddenly, apprehension fills you, worried about the stretch and tomorrow and-and he can tell.

“You can do it, baby,” he says softly. 

You look at his incredibly handsome face and slowly sink down on him, pausing every few inches, and you really can’t help the pained cry that leaves you. Jake swallows your noises, tenderly kissing you, peppering them all over your face, whispering “You can take all of me”, “Doing so good for me, baby” and something else in Spanish your mind was too muddled to try and comprehend.

You… you’re fully seated. Full. You’re sitting on Jake’s long, thick cock and you haven’t been with anyone in so long and your nails are digging into his broad shoulder and it hurts it hurts ithurtsit–

Jake leans his forehead on yours and shoves his thumb into your mouth, dragging your bottom lip down leaving a spit trail hanging, only to move his thumb to your clit to help with the stretch of him. Some of the pain melts into pleasure, and before you know it you’re grinding down on him. His hands grip your backside, helping lift you and drop you back on his cock, squeezing the flesh there hard enough to bruise and when he tilts his hips up, hitting something spectacular in you, pushing impossibly closer, you gasp. 

“Oh! Ohhhhhh, Jake,”

He pulls your bra cups down, freeing your breasts to the cool apartment air before lunging forward to capture one in the hot cavern of his mouth, tongue flicking over your sensitive nipple causing you to throw your head back on another gasp. 

You feel the heat tightening in your belly again, creeping up on you faster and faster, especially with the way Jake’s hips are expertly snapping up into you, cock dragging on your inner walls. The man is a professional, you remind yourself. If he didn’t make you come this quickly it would be a testament to his reputation. 

The slippery friction from his hips crushing yours was hitting your clit just right and you couldn’t think straight, using his shoulders for leverage in chasing your high.  

And yeah, you’re coming. It’s not as much of a tidal wave as the first o, but you’re still tightening around his member enough for him to still his hips inside, mouth releasing your breast to watch you scrunch your eyes up in bliss. 

Clearly, you need to stop closing your eyes when you come or you’ll miss all the details. He looks drunk on your pleasure, eyes fixated on your mouth as his own stays open, raggedly breathing. Reaching up with one hand to hold your neck, he swiftly flips you so he ends up kneeling with your legs wrapped around his hips, your back on the bed, and immediately begins pounding into your sopping core. 

You tried to breathe normally, you really, really did, tried to control your cries, it was still early evening for fuck’s sake, all your neighbors could hear you getting pounded into the fucking mattress but you didn’t stand a chance against Jake’s assault on your pussy. 

His hand was still lightly wrapped around your neck, not putting any pressure, but physically grounding you to the moment, which was probably a good thing because you felt like you would drift away if he wasn’t anchoring you. You gripped the wrist of that hand, your other hand bunching the sheets, moaning wantonly. 

“You like that, puta? You like my hands around your throat?” 

You nod wildly.

The hand around your throat grips your cheeks, squeezing them so your lips form an ‘o’, and he leans forward to spit in your mouth, spit slick lips hovering right above yours, all the while still slamming his hips into yours and you let out another broken moan turned whimper when he releases your face. 

“You look so good taking my cock, baby, wish I could show you,” he pants above you, both hands planted next to your head. 

“Sh-show me,” you manage, hoping he catches your drift. Shit, would he be offended at your suggestion? Considering it’s what he does for work, maybe you shouldn’t have said that. Oh nonono, you can’t have him stop now–

“Wanna make a homemade video, hermosa?” he pulls out of you with a groan to search for your phone, tutting at the whine you let out at the loss. 

Climbing back on the bed, he positions himself at your core again but waits until he’s got the perfect shot of you spread out for him before slowly pushing back in. You choke out an unexpected sound and your face is burning, thankful he’s cropped it out. He laughs slightly at the noise, and shit the camera definitely caught that. Pretty soon he’s back up to speed and thrusting in frantically, punching the air out of your lungs, reaching up with his free hand to slap at your tit, then to tweak at your nipple. 

“You feel so fucking gooood, little puta, feels perfect,” he groans loudly, and you helplessly let out a chorus of moans, uh uh uh; the recording was bringing you closer to the edge than you were ready for. Your walls flutter around his cock, the oncoming electricity in your veins racing towards you, closer and closer. 

“Shit, are you gonna come for me? You look so fuckin’ pretty, so pretty when you come.”

You know you sounded absolutely wrecked right now, head shaking back and forth from restlessness, and he wouldn’t stop talking and you almost push him out of you with how hard you come–

“Ven por mí, bebe, wanna see it again, yeah, al igual que esa bebe,” he keeps mouthing off while your body is writhing on the bed, vision gone white. In your periphery, you see him toss the phone to the side and hinge at the hips to lick into your mouth in a filthy kiss, twining your tongues and biting your lip as he retreats. 

Jake wasn’t done; he hadn’t stopped ramming into you, harder and faster and irregularly, until you registered he was saying something, again and again, “Where, cariño?” 

Inside, you want to say. Since you were too fucked out to answer him, you pull him down to your chest and hold tight, hoping it translated. With a sudden shout in your neck, he comes inside you, hot and heavy, with a few final and stuttering thrusts. Dropping his weight to rest on you, you can feel his seed spilling out of you around his spent cock. 

Eventually, Jake lifts himself up on his forearms and brushes the hair back from your face to smile down at you warmly. Your body starts to ache, muscles protesting in your current position and he must see the discomfort on your face because even though everything he does looks effortless, you’re sure it took his last ounce of energy to draw himself out of you. 

He gets up, walking away from you and you watch from where he left you, exhausted, with a tinge of disappointment. This is the part where he gets dressed and leaves and you watch a movie on your couch with a tub of ice cream for company. Do you regret it though? No. Plus you now have your own personal porno-

He comes back with a warm, wet towel to gently clean your face and leaking core with, smiling so warmly. God, you’re well and truly fucked out. Exhausted to your bones. 

“You alive, cariño?” he laughs softly, bringing an airy smile to your face, too. 

“Yeah, I think…think you fucked my brains out,” you finish with a hearty laugh and he joins you. 

“So would you say that you’re satisfied?” 

“Title of our sex tape.”

And you’re both full-belly laughing at that now, and he looks so good, he looks so weightless and radiant, you want to make him laugh like that again, and shit you don’t want him to leave. The realization sobers you and suddenly, you’re acutely aware of his stomach rumbling so you nearly fall over when you stand to haphazardly throw a shirt on - his shirt is the first thing your hands find - and rush to the fridge to see what you can offer him instead of acknowledging that you sort of, kinda, might have a crush on the man staring at you in bewilderment in your bed. 

☽🌑☾

The pizza arrives rather quickly, and before you know it you’re both eating and sitting on the couch, half-dressed, with your feet in his lap, while You’ve Got Mail is playing on your TV. You didn’t think Jake would be the type to enjoy cheesy rom-coms but he’s so invested, claiming he’s been a fan of Meg Ryan since When Harry Met Sally and that confession makes you almost miss your mouth with the slice you were biting into. 

The rest of the evening is spent bickering about when Tom Hanks should have revealed himself to Meg Ryan in the film and laughing at each other’s commentary. You were having too good of a time, ironic when you think about how you blushed like a school girl when you first bumped into Jake at the shop earlier today but you’d take what you could get from the kind, sexy man on your couch.

“So… Can I get your number?” 

This time the pizza hits your cheek. 

[campbyler]

Not a big office fan, but me and my sister have started watching new girl and this may be the show we will be referencing constantly along with B99, thoughts?

YEAHHHHH BABY! new girl is my favorite comfort show and back when it was still on netflix there was not a moment when i wasn’t rewatching it. likeeee i’d get to the last episode and immediately start over i think i genuinely have large sections of every episode memorized 😗 if you like b99 i think you’ll definitely enjoy new girl bc it has some of the best comedic timing and the chemistry between the cast ia insane and the bits from it are just so quotableeeeee i’ve been trying to get andi and thea to watch it for like eight months as well so who knows when that’ll happen but i think you’ll have a good time!

[beautifulbrainrot]

Hi, could you please write something fluffy of emily prentiss x amy santiago?? I feel like they would be SO GOOD together!! Hope you're having an amazing day :D

tysm for the request!! i never really thought of them together before but they so would be!! fav girls ever! i hope you enjoy this little piece!

Amy Santiago x Emily Prentiss

Criminal Minds x B99 crossover AU

cw just fluffy, use of the word ramble too much, no capitals is on purpose

walking into the 99th precinct always brought a calming feeling to emily. it was rare that such love and comfort radiated of the walls in a police station, but there was just something about this precinct that made everyone feel at ease. apart from the criminals of course.

“good morning, you!” emily joked as she leaned over amy’s shoulder to peer at what she was working on.

a wide smile stretched across amy’s face as she heard emily’s soft voice behind her. her voice always made her feel immediately comforted.

“em!! what are you doing here? i thought you were visiting later in the week, did i get it wrong it my calendar? amy rambled, opening her computer calendar to see if she somehow got mixed up about the dates.

“relax ames, i was in the city for a case that we just finished and i wanted to see you,” emily answered, giggling at her genuine confusion at getting something wrong in her meticulously crafted calendar, “your calendar isn’t wrong i promise!” emily finished, placing a comforting hand on her girlfriends shoulder.

“oh, that makes more sense! how was the case?”

“it went well! thankfully straightforward so i could come see my favourite girl sooner.” she quipped back, smirking as a blush spread across amy’s cheeks.

“well in that case, my breaks about to start so mabye we could go to the paper supply store! it’s only a block away and they have these incredible new summer folders!! they have such a fun colour scheme, perfect for vacation organization!” amy exclaimed, an involuntary smile stretching across her face as she rambled about her favourite thing, organisation, to favourite person, emily.

emily smiled softly at amy’s exited rambling, seeing the joy on her face brought a warmth to emily’s heart.

“you are so adorable, i can’t believe i have you all to myself.”

——————

hope you liked!! feedback is greatly appreciated, i’m a reasonably new writer!

[daegall]

having an introvert extrover relationship w lee donghyuck..... i might just cried a bit IMAGINE him at a party w a lot of people talking and enjoying and sees his s/o on a chair alone bored and overwhelmed IMMEDIATELY goes "hold that thought renjun ab aliens and shit" and goes to them " hi baby whats up? u wanna go home q? " w so much care 😿 his s/o is like "ur having fun dw im fine keep talking to renjun he seems interesting" ge doesnt buy it so you too go together to keep talking untill he starts sensing that u really wanna go home " renjun my man vv intresting conversation we should talk ab this more over coffee but i have to walk my plant bye" and u two are out of the party im ur apartment w the ultimate comfort food chinise takeout and whatching brooklyn 99 he cares ab u and ur comfort sm get me a hyuck pls

URM SHUT THE FUCK UP DI DYOU LITERALLY CRAWL IN MY BRAIN AND TAKE EACH HAECHAN THOUGHT OUT I FUCKING LOVE THIS???????????? WALKING A PLANT?????????????????????? B99????????????????????? SIGN ME THE FUCK UP

WAIT A FEW HOURS IM WRITING THIS 100000000000% YOU ARE MY MUSE.

soft hours : open

[lyssak09]

May I request, yandere Jake peralta with a lawyer darling

Yandere Jake Peralta with lawyer!reader

At first when he met you, he thought you werw garbage. I mean you try to put people he has arrested back on the streets!

But during a trial he bumped into you during lunch. This started a conversation.

This started your relationship.

Jake wants you to move to a different area of law if you're the one putting his criminals back on the streets. Maybe handling family cases.

He is kinda obsessed with you. He could watch you for hours!

He loves it when you get frustrated or argue with him and use your lawyer vocab and voice.

Jake loves how smart you are. You can make the dumbest thing ever sound so intelligent.

Because of that he will immediately show you off to Holt to get 'dad's approval'

Jake is a very sweet, clingy, manipulative and controlling yandere.

He loves you so much. He wants to make sure you don't get hurt! Is that so wrong?

"Babe! What do you think you're doing?" Jake says and slides himself between you and the door. "Uh, going out? I told you this last night" you say and try to push him out of the way. But he doesn't budge. "Its way to dangerous! Do you know how many murders are on the loose right now? Go get changed, you're staying in with me. I'll order your favorite!" Jake says and slightly shoves you toward the bedroom. You sigh and walk away. There isn't a point in arguing with him, the last time you tried he pouted for days. Guess you should text your friends and tell them you're not feeling well. Again

As we learned from the final season of B99, Jake is willing to do something illegal for someone he loves. And he really loves you

So say someone flirted with you. The next day there may be a case at the Nine Nine about a mysterious attacker.

As time goes on Jake's acts of love will progress.

To the point one day you'll wake in your shared bed chained to the bed post.

You wake up extra groggy than usual. How strange. You wiggle your arms but are unable to. All you get is a rattle from chains now connected to your wrists. "What the- Jake!" You yell out to your boyfriend. "Yeah babe?" Jake pops his head in the bedroom. "What is this?" You say to him while rattling the chains. "Oh that? Thats just a precaution. Don't worry about it." He says and walks towards you. "Jake, this isn't funny. I need to go to work! I am handling a major lawsuit that can either break or make my career. Let me out.", Jake ignores you and just gives you his dorky smile. "You don't need to worry about that. You're not working anymore. I've gotten a small raise soo I can make sure were living a comfortable lifestyle without you working! Awesome right? Now you can stay safe at home. It'll be just you and me!". You were dumbfounded. "Jake, no. I have a life outside us. You know that. Now let me go! This is kidnapping!" You were starting to struggle. "LALALA IM NOT LISTENING!" Jake said and left your bedroom. "WAIT! AT LEAST TURN ON THE TV!" You yelled out. But Jake was already gone. "Well Shit."

Jake has made escape impossible. Sucks for you. But at least he made sure you can still watch tv and play games.

As time passes on you'll get more frustrated. This isn't funny anymore. You're reputations in the firm is probably screwed.

But Jake doesn't care. He has his soulmate with him forever! No one can mess with you. You're all his.

Jake will progress your 'relationship'. So instead of just dating, you'll be engaged!

He made his proposal as romantic as he could without letting you out of the house.

Then he'll bribe someone to marry you two! You wouldn't believe how easy is was to bribe someone to do it. Ah such a sweet wedding it was. You tied to a chair with a gag in your mouth wearing a beautiful outfit. And Jake staring at you with heart eyes. When the time came to the I dos Jake answered for you and kissed you like his life depended on it.

[ficsandgiggles]

Babysitting

“I’d love some ler Amy Santiago! Don’t think I’ve seen anyone write for her yet. I’m not very good at prompts so do with it what you will!”

Ahh I love writing for B99, this was super adorable and I hope it’s okay!

“C’mon Mac… it’s okay sweetheart…” you murmured as you held and bounced the sobbing toddler in your arms.

You had been doing such a great job in babysitting Jake and Amy’s son all night, but the second you mentioned to him that they’d be back soon, he started screaming the place down, and he has been inconsolable since.

You sat down on the couch and held Mac in your arms, rubbing his back and gently rocking him in hopes he could be soothed to sleep, it was way past his bedtime and despite following his nap schedule, he seemed more awake than ever.

All you wanted to do was give your two best friends a break, they have been working so hard at the precinct, as well as making sure they were amazing parents to their son, they deserved a night out together, so you offered to babysit.

As much as Amy trusted you, she just didn’t feel ready to leave her sons side for just a few hours, but after some encouragement from Jake, she caved in and let you look after him. You and Mac loved each other, he often called you by an adorable nickname which melted your heart every time he said it, but right now, he didn’t want anything to do with you.

Just as you were about to try and offer him a snack, the door opened, the two of you immediately looked over at the door and you soon saw a blur of a toddler run over to Jake and Amy. Jake immediately picked him up, a little confused as to why he was still awake.

“Hey lil man, you’re up late…” Jake told him softly, bouncing him and rubbing his back, just like you did earlier. He looked over at his wife, who brushed her fingers through his sons soft curls and kissed his head.

Amy then looked over at you, seeing that you were about to break down in tears and rush out the door. She told Jake to try and put Mac to bed and stopped you from going anywhere.

“Hey, what happened? You two seemed fine when I FaceTimed you earlier.” Amy asked you gently, showing you that she wasn’t mad by sitting you back down on the couch and pulling you into a side hug.

“I-I was putting him down to go to sleep and I told him that when he woke up you’d be back… he’s been crying ever since and I’m sorry he’s not asleep…” you explained with a sniffle, your face falling into your hands as you let out a helpless whimper. Your thoughts were all over the place, but you were quick to conclude that Jake and Amy were never going to trust you again, or they weren’t going to let you see Mac again, or even want to be friends with you. All these thoughts caused you to tense up and sniffle helplessly, you felt Amy give you a squeeze and rub your arm soothingly.

“Hey, it’s okay, this is the first time Mac has spent time with anyone for this amount of time outside of his family, he was bound to be nervous and he’s going to get separation anxiety sadly, just like Jake and I did.” Amy reassured you, but you just shrugged in response, not believing her words as your eyes gazed around the room, there were various toys and books you were meant to tidy up after Mac had went to sleep, but obviously, he had yet to fall asleep.

“I-I was meant to tidy up too… I’m really sorry, I understand if you’d never trust me again…” you sniffled, trying to hold back your tears as Amy was quick to pull you into a tight hug.

“Hey, you’re okay, the house is always a mess anyway, it would be a miracle to see the floor on any given day.” She chuckled, looking at the books and toys too, her eyes then gazed upon one particular book, and idea forming in her head. She reached forward and picked it up.

“He loves this book, I bet he made you read it a thousand times.” Amy giggled as she flicked through the pages. You snapped back into reality and looked down at the book she was holding, ‘The Tickle Monster’. She was right, Mac would make you do the voices and use the glove that came with it, you had read it to him at least 5 times in the last six hours, but you didn’t mind, it was fun to bond with him like that, and it made you miss being on the side where you were the one being tickled.

You often thought about the time you and Amy spent together, around ten years ago now, she often babysat you when you were little, much like you and Mac now, only difference being that you were around six when she babysat you. Amy was never afraid to bring out the tickle monster whenever you were pouty or upset from a rough day at school.

You were caught up in your thoughts so much that you almost didn’t notice Amy shaking you to snap you out of it, you looked over at her to try and give her your full attention.

“Hey, this book reminds me of something… do you remember what I did whenever you were grumpy whilst I was babysitting you?” Amy asked with a small smile as he fingers crept down towards your sides.

“I don’t think it would hurt to bring the tickle monster back now…” she whispered before gently wriggling her fingers up and down your sides.

You immediately flinched away and covered your mouth, trying hard not to giggle as you attempted to shuffle out of Amy’s hold, although Amy has reassured you that she doesn’t hate you after what happened, you still felt like you didn’t deserve to giggle and have fun.

“Y/N! Don’t you remember my binder which had all your information in? Your tickle spots were also included in there!” Amy teased, obviously, this wasn’t true, it would be a little weird. But she did have a binder with all of your information, like your favourite foods and activities to do. But that comment was fun to throw in there in hopes to cheer you up.

You believed her, but hoped that she somehow forgot about your number one tickle spot, but when you felt her fingers crawling up to your armpits, you knew you were done for.

“Wow, 28 year old me would never believe me if I said you were just as ticklish now!” Amy teased before scribbling under your arms, making sure you were trapped in her hug at all times.

You instantly slammed your arms down to your sides and cackled with hysterical giggles, you wriggled around from side to side. “Ahahahahamy!” You whined, hating how sensitive you were as you attempted to get rid of the sensation.

“Aw Y/N, you’ll always be so ticklish.” Amy giggled, giving you a small break by squeezing into the spot just above your knees, watching you as you kicked out and let out a stream of adorable giggles.

You kicked out and covered your face with your hands, deciding there was no point in defending yourself as you knew that Amy has managed to pin way more violent people down, so you’d be no match for her.

Amy smiled fondly at you as she moved to flutter into your belly, blowing a raspberry onto your neck to get you to squeal, but then tut when you did so.

“Hey, you’re gonna wake up the kiddo again!” She giggled, blowing another raspberry as punishment whilst scribbling back under your arms, smiling over at Jake briefly as you broke into giggly laughter.

Jake came over and sat on the other side of you, poking your knees and thighs. “What’s going on here then, huh?” He asked casually, watching as your laughter went silent, which signalled for Amy to let you go, instead just pulling you into another hug.

“Oh, just reminded Y/N that they’ll always be victim to the tickle monster.” Amy commented casually with a smile. “And that they’re a great babysitter who is a great role model to our son.” She added, making you bite your lip and look at Jake, he didn’t seem to happy when Mac was still awake earlier, so you hesitantly waited for this response.

“Oh yeah, once Mac calmed down he said he had a great time with you!” Jake smiled reassuringly, making you sigh in relief.

“So you’d have me over again?” You asked quietly, just to reassure yourself. The two detectives quickly nodded, with Amy kissing your head.

“Without a doubt, Y/N.”

[winderlylandchime]

1/2 Hello, I’m finally getting around to sending you the Out of the Box review. I’m a bit late even tho this all happened on Wednesday(i think) but that’s due to the fact that afterwards we continued to watch B99 and during the ep found out about Andre passing away. So in true brother fashion, doctor check ups got postponed due to family emergency and he has been in mourning since. Also sorry this is so long:

I legit just sat him in front of the interview and pressed play. So I didn’t even give him the chance to be ready for it. These are just some of the highlights because he was watching so quietly, you’d think Gale would be able to hear him if he was too loud: ‘Bria- wait no, not Brian. But Brian suits him. Fuck it, look it’s my pretty boy but all grown up! WITH GLASSES!’ Not even a minute in and he paused it and went ‘he looks like he’d rather be waterboarded than be here in front of a camera’

Here is where I forgot that his sexuality gets brought up in the first two minutes where the interviewer says “playing gay characters particularly for non gay actors” and he loudly went ‘NON GAY?’ And looked at me in shock and confusion. But then the topic immediately goes to Gale’s upbringing so he actually thought the interviewer was talking about other actors and not Gale…*gale mentions that he grew up pentecostal* ‘he grew up in a CULT? (I swear i only looked at him) *points to me* its all a cult one way or the other. Especially if you go to church 5 times a week.’ And then after a minute of silence he went ‘from a cult to fake fucking guys on tv *raises his soda* my man!’

Gale says he can’t really talk about his brother ‘me with you…but not for whatever reason he has which b-t-w *sings it out* shaaaaady, i just think people won’t care about the baby our parents found on a bus stop.’ He was just staring at the screen and then whispered ‘he’s pretty. How long ago was this filmed? I really fuck with the glasses. But a bit of a beard would be nice on him like in Criminal Minds (at this point im gonna give him your new fic to read since he’s obsessed with the beard/glasses) Gale says he went to San Francisco ‘i went to San Fran once, i did end up there cause I got lost though *long pause while he continues to watch* some very nice homeless people live there.. like my boy Ronny, i miss him’ They mention QAF ‘AH OKAY SHUT UP! Now we’re talking important stuff! Spill the secrets! Who hated who? Who fucked who? Who we still don’t like?’ *he actually scooted closer to the computer screen* (Gale mentions Aiden Gillen/UK qaf) ‘Aiden Gillen? The dude from king Arthur with the hot guy from Sons of Anarchy? Wait *pauses the video* there is a BRITISH version of it? Why?’ (Literally seconds later Gale mentions an ex girlfriend and he hits pause and stares at me) ‘girl….friend? Does he mean that like a girl thats a friend? Or like….they did kisses and stuff? Was he experimenting? You know what? We all have our moments, it’s okay’ Gale says that he has no personal knowledge about how it is to be a gay man and apparently my brother has decided to go full denial for some reason bc he lifts his soda and goes ‘ahhhh, yes, bisexuality’ and then just lifted his cast like a fist while sitting back. Gale mentions that he got blackout drunk before starting to film and he goes ‘i like him. I love him but i also like him. Two different things. I want to hang out with him in a non creepy way, i swear I’m capable of it but also if i had to date him id be down’ Gale is asked if Randy knew he was straight: *hits pause* ‘straight? STRAIGHT?! AS IN HETERO?! LIKE ME? STRAIGHT? LIKE…like..STRAIGHT?! *looks at me in disbelief and whispers* straight? STRAIGHT?! *gets up and immediately sits down* straight? Like he likes women? Like as in like huuuh?’ He then just stared into the screen with paused Gale on it and then whispered to himself ‘straight’ then he rubbed his whole entire face with his hand and then looked at me and went ‘oh this changes so fucking much. I have to alert my boys…and my girls…fuck what is mom gonna say to this? I feel….lied to. Not by him. But by you! *takes a deep breath* its okay..its cool..straight. Just like me….i think..Oh fuck’ Then he sat back on the couch, covered his face with his cast and after like 5ish minutes went ‘soooooo, i guess him and blondie fucking flies out the window, huh? Boy, i was way off with that one, huh’ I need you to know that trying not to laugh during all this was the biggest challenge in life. When I described this to our cousin, she compared it to the Bone scene with Holt and she was pretty spot on. Gale is now talking about working with Randy: ‘He IS extremely talented! (Gale mentions they have similar taste in stuff) *looks at me* do you think he listens to Lil Nas X as well? Please tell me they’re still friends. I need to know if they hang out. Or at least hung out. I got scared cause theres so little bts moments of them but they hung out all the time. I mean i could tell they were friends duuuh’ This is a moment i never even caught but when talking about Sharon, i think Gale messes up Vic/Jack names and my brother goes ‘who the fuck is Jack? Did i miss something or is my very pretty boy forgetful?’ The interviewer starts bringing up the prom scene and he says the he wants to talk about something that for viewers was the most difficult to watch and my brother goes ‘ahh yes, the proposal’ (interview says Brian going to prom) ‘oh yeah, that was also tragic’ ‘we need to watch the prom episode later. They were friends! He cared about him!’ A few minutes later the interviewer says “before we leave babylon” ‘lets NOT leave it. I left it once and it fucked me up for life’

Welcome back dear sweet anon and brother anon!

Are you watching B99 for the first time? I have a friend who’s watching right now for the first time. Either way, so very sad about Andre’s untimely passing. I’ve been devastated and rewatching my fave Captain Holt episodes.

I love your brother calling pentecostal being in a cult. I’m not going to disagree.

“There’s a British version? Why?” Does your brother know that the “British version” is actually the OG version?

His denial about Gale being straight is HILARIOUS. He’s twisting everything like people do for gay people “girl friend… like a friend who’s a girl” and “ahh yes bisexuality.”

And then “straight. Just like me….i think” DID GALE AWAKEN SOMETHING IN YOUR BROTHER?

STRAIGHT!

Captain Hold BONE is so absolutely the correct response to this both timely and accurate.

Here’s the thing. If you’ve listened to the Call Me By Your Shame or any of the subsequent episodes where Randy discusses the artist, you absolutely over to over enunciate LITTLE NAS X the way Randy does. I don’t know about Gale listening to LITTLE NAS X but I think they both listened to Bjork while filming.

“something that for viewers was the most difficult to watch and my brother goes ‘ahh yes, the proposal’ (the interview says Brian going to prom) ‘oh yeah that was also tragic’ CERTIFIED ICONIC. The proposal was hard to watch (for my prince) and also tragic for many reasons. But, yes, Brother Anon most people would say prom.

he looks like he would rather be waterboarded than be here in front of the camera. WELL if that doesn’t sum up Gale, I don’t know what does.

I’m glad your brother is here for glasses and beard. I have always said he has good taste.

[1eos]

I saw that fan call video, his body languageeee!!! she started out saying you know you’re cute right and he instantly crossed his arms and kept them crossed like giiirrrlll you spent like $300 (twice she won twice she said she bought like 30 albums the first time so it’s probably double that $🤮) to spent a 2 min call asking him if he knows he’s cute and if he minds fans calling him that and also who’s his favourite b99 character like seriously?? that’s all you thought to talk about 🤨

WAIT PLS IM SO GLAD I HAVE SOMEONE TO TALK ABT THIS WITH 😭😭😭😭 i couldnt watch the whole thing i was so hurting so bad the way leo immediately closed off when she started calling him cute i was like naurrrrrrrrrrrr girl don't fumble the bagggggg. i would've dropped that line of questioning so fucking fast esp if you've seen other fan calls where he's laughing nd looking honestly p comfortable. like you asked abt b99???????????????? in 2022???????????????????????????????????? im so glad she was happy with her call bc that wouldve been enough for me to deactivate😭 even tho its mostly on her bc has leo ever responded positively to a fan calling him cute 1 on 1 like that???

[khyrrn-v2]

OH MY GOD HOW DID I NOT REMEMVER MY DREAM TROM LAST NOGHT ONE SEC OKOK

Had a dream i was at a wake for my abusive ex art teacher. It was at his villa on a mountainous region (think modern home style). His house was decorated with his paintings. I think he gave me lashings for not art-ing right.

With my parents and the dude’s son shows up. His son is Marc Evan Jackson, the guy who played Cap Holt’s husband from B99. He arrived with his significant other, Batman. I was like, ok… I wondered why he was in costume, but I figured Marc knew his civilian identity so it was fine.

Marc started talking to me about his father, and I brought up what a piece of shit he was. Marc apologized to me as be looked away, while the narrator told me he “didn’t actually have any personal experience so he couldn’t relate,” but it was heavily implied that the narrator was lying.

Anyways, Marc told me his father left me nothing. I was upset, as I was hoping to profit from selling one of his original works. However, he did hand me a leather bound 12x12 sketchbook filled to the brim with sketches. Marc told me his father would’ve wanted me to have it. I never once thought about selling it.

My parents were conversing with Batman about who knows what, and as my conversation with Marc had dwindled, I decided to head into Art Teacher’s estate and see if I could discreetly take any of his paintings for later profit. I bumped into my mother whilst scouring the bathroom. Some blonde lady happened upon us a few moments later, and we all realized we were looking for loot, so we decided to quietly go our separate ways.

Eventually the wake ended and Marc and his boyfriend Batman, who were staying the night at their own villa down the street, offered to let us stay the night at Art Teacher’s villa since it was a long trip back home.

We eventually retired, with me sleeping on the couch next to the window. When I awoke, a girl with cherry colored hair was throwing rocks at the window from the outside.

Once she saw she’d gotten my attention, she gestured dramatically to the telephone pole down the street which was emitting sparks. As soon as I decided I couldn’t be bothered, a fire started and immediately spread to the villa. Needless to say, me and my parents left the villa and started making our way home. We did happen to pass a three car wreck in a ditch, but that doesn’t pertain to the story.

Anyways, my part of the story ends, and we cut to Marc.

Apparently Marc did NOT know his boyfriend Batman’s civilian identity, and they were fighting over it in front of Batman’s Apartment Complex.

Batman revealed that he had been hired by Marc’s father to watch over him and keep him safe. Marc was obviously devastated by the news, and he began questioning if he and Batman’s relationship was even real. Batman tried to reassure him, but Marc ultimately stormed off, and the dream ended with Batman standing in the rain, despondent.

[birdy-ooc]

Spoilers under the cut because I HAVE A LOT OF FEELINGS. Excuse the *’s, I’m trying to keep the rude randos at bay. There have have been a lot of them lately. ANYWAY:

First we must acknowledge the glorious dance number. Me and mum both yelled “NOT AGAIN” at the telly when the tooth was picked up. Also I will not stand for T*ymaker’s Rory erasure. 15 is GLORIOUSLY camp already. I’m that B99 Arlo meme about him. 14 broke my heart at least twice. T*ymaker was such a mix of scary (the dolls? NOPE.) and absolute silliness. It was dramatic. It was very stupid. I had so much fun watching.

And now onto what I know people will have the most complaints about: that ending.

I know some people will absolutely hate it. The idea of him settling down with a family like this is like the fluffy fanfic of my dreams. But I LOVE IT. I CARE NOT HOW CONTRIVED AND WATTPAD IT IS. My comfort character with his adopted family of friends old and new getting to heal and just BE.

Listen, ya girl is processing a lot lately, and this hit me in all my “healing from trauma” feelings. 😂 Plus the obvious leaving the door open for him is 👀.

RT*D has always been about the emotional heart of the show, so him deciding “actually, no, the d*ctor needs to actually DEAL with what he’s been through rather than a new regen*ration pretending he’s fine” feels very him.

So those are my incoherent thoughts immediately after the credits have rolled. I’m sure I’ll be analysing every second on rewatches. 😂

[bingpot-hotdamn]

Charles Holt Jake And Terry at Jakes apartment

Charles: Die hard. Still great.

Jake: Hey why not make it a double feature

Charles: What did you rent

Jake: Die hard two

*examines dvd*

Holt: Jake this is Die hard one again

*looks at dvd*

Jake: Well if we watch it again then it’s Die hard two

Terry: But we just saw it

Jake: And...

Terry: And it would be cool to see it again

Everyone but Holt: Die hard!

Terry: Captain, you didn’t say Die hard, Is everything ok...

Holt: Yea, I’ve just got plans

Jake: Well John McClane had plans

Holt: No I just want to get out of here before Charles gets all worked up and starts calling everyone bitch

Charles: What are you taking about.. bitch

Incorrect quote from Friends

(I don’t know if something similar to this has already been made but sorry if it has)