#like i tried an asexual label for some time but it didn't feel quite right

[linabirb]

about one of my last rbs. so like remember when i was like "haha but what if.. what if bi lesbian actually does fit me as a label.." and. IT ACTUALLY KINDA DOES. like when i simply say i'm bi it feels a bit weird bc it's like "o-oh but like 90% of people i'm attracted to are women" but when i say i'm a lesbian it's like "OH NO. I AM LYING. I AM A HORRIBLE LIAR BECAUSE I STILL DO LIKE MEN AND NONBINARY PEOPLE AND ANY OTHER GENDERS TOO. OH NO.... SO SORRY LESBIABS.." so it's like. yeah i'm kind of a mix of those

now we have another problem. saying i'm a graysexual bi lesbian demigirl is. is really. it's way too long.

[coltitz]

Ok another headcanon, this time about one piece!

I really like the idea of Sanji being ace.

"But coltiz, he yaps about women all the time!" yeah I know, I'll get there ok? be patient.

Sanji doesn't know he's asexual. He never really cared to explore this side of himself nor knew it was a thing. It isn't like he avoids sex and intimacy at all costs, quite the contrary actually, but he doesn't really feel something during the act. It's a "I don't like it nor dislike it" kind of situation.

For some time when he was younger he thought that maybe everyone was like this, that this kind of intimacy was just another way to show love and didn't really generate any significant physical pleasure, that people only said it felt good as in "I felt loved and cared doing this" type of way rather than "im just did it because I was horny".

Also, he doesn't really understands what it means to be "horny" lol.

When he realizes it isn't like that, he starts to worry that maybe there's something wrong with him. I mean, what kind of man would he be if he didn't get any physical pleasure from a woman?

He doesn't really talk about it with anyone, and tries not to think much about it himself. For some time he just thought that maybe he was gay, and this didn't really help either (ohh the internalized homophobia). So he just... tries to ignore it.

He keeps hitting on women because he doesn't really know how to differentiate attraction from admiration. After all he was raised to admire and protect all the women. He thinks that the way that he acts - the flirting, the exaggerated reactions - are just the norm if you're attracted to someone.

Also, he keeps insisting on intimacy because the feeling of being loved and cared for is something that he has sought since he was a kid.

It ends up doing more harm than good in the end tho.

After a reaaaally long time sulking up about the "maybe I'm gay" thing, he tries something with a men and gets the exact same response. Nothing, emptiness.

So now he just thinks he's broken fr.

Things start to take a turn for the better only after the timeskip and his stay on Momoiro island. There he learns about the existence of asexual people and all the different types of attraction trough the okamas, but has a hard time wrapping his mind around it.

He still thinks he's broken and that, if he tries enough, maybe he'll find someone that will make him right.

After the incident in WCI, he tries to be more open with his nakamas about all the things that burden him - and just tries to be more vulnerable in general. He talks about his lack of sexual attraction and how it makes him feel and everyone tries to be supportive, even if some doesn't really grasp the concept quite right (also, that's how they discover that Luffy might also be ace - not that he really cares about labeling himself lol).

It takes a lot of love and support from his nakamas for him to finally accept this part of himself and to try and understand his feelings and desires better. He ends up doing good tho.

Finally, idk about romantic attraction - me personally-, I like to think that he's biromantic, but that it still took him some time to admit that he was attracted to men. He still has some trouble trying to differentiate love from admiration nonetheless, but he'll get there eventually lol.

[squiddokiddo]

Happy pride!!

Now time for some personal headcanons:

🪽 Scott - He/Him - Straight Ally

The only straight Tracy brother, he supports his siblings 100%. Scott eats queerphobes for breakfast.

🎨 Virgil - He/they - Demiromantic Asexual

Virgil's true love is his art and thunderbird 2, he has however fallen for a couple of close friends in the past but as of present he isn't looking for a relationship

🚀 Alan - He/Him - Bisexual

Alan always knew he liked girls but he only figured out that he also liked boys after getting a crush on one of his classmates at school. He later wrote his crush a valentine's.

🫧 Gordon - He/They - Panromantic Asexual

Gords is a hopeless romantic, he catches feelings for people quite easily and expresses his love quite openly. He first discovered his panromanticism and later found out he was ace.

🪐 John - He/Him - Questioning and Unlabeled

John doesn't like to label his sexuality but is also unsure of his attraction. He's also not particularly interested in relationships but believes that maybe someone will capture his heart one day.

⚔️ Kayo - She/Her - Lesbian

Kayo always knew she wasn't interested in men, she felt self conscious because "girls were supposed to like boys". She later started crushing on a girl she met in secondary school and had a sudden gay realisation.

☀️ EOS - She/They - Demigirl

After befriending john, Eos didn't have to think solely about survival anymore and now had time to explore humanity and all it's concepts.

After a long journey of self discovery she found out that they were a demigirl.

⚙️ Brains - He/Him - Gay

Brains had been in the closet a long time and had tried to hide his sexuality from the world, he forced himself to date women but it always made him miserable. After meeting the Tracy family, it took him several years of watching the others come out one by one and all supporting eachother, that he found the courage to come out himself.

🍪 Grandma - She/Her - Polyamorous Bisexual

As a young woman Grandma used to hang around a lot of gay bars and had several relationships before meeting her husband. Right now grandma isn't focused on finding any relationships as she's more occupied by her role in IR.

🌸 Lady Penelope - She/Her - Questioning

Penny isn't sure of her orientation, she's quite private about personal things like dating so she's working it out by herself.

🔓 Parker - He/Him - Straight Ally

Parker has never had any doubt about his sexuality, he has however worked with a lot of queer individuals during his "misspent youth" where he learnt all sorts of things about different identities.

I also just want to say that even though these are my headcanons I'm also open to everyone else's too.❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

[sunset-a-story]

5-7 and all of the creator asks for oc pride? - @void-botanist

ohmygoodness, if I'm understanding your ask that's like 10 questions so I'm going to put it under a cut for scrolling. Thank you for giving me so much space to ramble!

5. I have answered here

6. How does your oc feel about labels? Theirs, or in general?

Most of them are quite comfortable and find them helpful. Reeve feels iffy about labels because he feels like the brain is too complex and contradictory for it but he keeps that to himself. (honestly, I just think he's flabbergasted by people who know themselves well enough to pick a label)

7. Is there something that could cause your oc to question their identity? What?

For sexuality, I'd say love, across the board. For gender, eh, just their own shifting experience. Creator asks- 14. Do you have ocs on the aro or ace spectrum?

Yes, answered elsewhere.

15. Do any of your ocs use neopronouns? Which ones?

Stormy uses they/them and Echo (in Arc 3) uses all pronouns.

16. Did you ever change an oc's identity when they were already established? Why?

Rarely when they've been established. I think just Hannah. The character was originally a guy but reading what we'd written of them, it was more like a woman we'd mislabeled. She also didn't start out as ace but they were created in 2006 or so before we had heard of asexuality as a thing. Still, whenever I tried to ship [him and then her] it gave me the ick so once we learned a word for it, it all made sense.

17. Do you share identity with any of your ocs? Which ones?

Sure. There are lots of bi/pan folks for me and Echo is genderfluid like me. Austin and Gage are both transmasc like my partner and my partner is also on the ace spectrum like Hannah.

18. Do you prefer to give your ocs specific labels, or keep it unspecified? Why? If applicable, do you change their labels depending on circumstance?

I try to give them if they would provide them/it's necessary, but not automatically. Reeve doesn't identify himself as queer for 50 some-odd pages because it's not relevant. And their labels change if they change.

19. Do you have preferences about depicting homo/transphobia in your stories? What, and why? Does it vary by story?

Okay, we have big feelings about this. While the story is not free of queer-phobic shit entirely (it's the world after all), we are not interested in portraying hate crimes. It's important to us that queer/trans people have stories and conflict and victories and losses that are unrelated to their gender and sexuality. Austin's life isn't fucked up because he's trans. He's just also trans while his life gets fucked up. As readers, we wanted stories about incidentally queer people who aren't being oppressed for plot or being self-hateful/shaming/struggling with their identities. Just comfortably queer people getting into shenanigans. So that's what we try to write.

They're here. They're queer. And nothing else is ever going to go right for them again but that's unrelated.

20. Have your ocs helped you in self discovery? How?

I'd say yes. We started developing the cast in our early 20s in college while we were also trying to sort out our own sexuality/gender stuff in a time before we had the sort of language/resources that exist today. I would say that sticking my brain into the POVs of different characters on the gender/sexuality spectrums certainly helped me find out where my head feels at home.

21. Free ramble card wee

I. Feel. Like. I. Just. Rambled. So. Much! I'm out of fuel lmao

Thank you again for the ask! You're awesome.

[tarjapearce]

Quite The Unexpected (Pt. 11)

PAIRINGS: Aiden Pearce x Fem! Reader.

WARNINGS: MINORS DO NOT INTERACT. Nudity, sexual language, mentions of snuff, pedophilia, xenophobia, racism deaths of characters, blood and body trauma.

"The backup has been uploaded." "That's great. I'm testing their security system and, I think we might've given them too much credit."

"That's what we felt about the bunker, and look what happened."

T-Bone grunted in discomfort. "I know. No need to rub salt in old wounds, pal. But, we've learned from our mistakes. And I've got encrypted. Raymond Kenney style."

Aiden smirked as he kept on watching the surveillance cameras outside another hacking member he had identified.

"Alright, I've got the three. None of them are past 30. And they seem to hang out alot with The Boss in this underground club called "Clifton's". It looks like a regular bar but rumor goes that it has a sub-level where stuff happens. And by stuff I mean drugs, women, you know, illegal shit."

"I might need to blend in." "Or you could watch from afar first instead of going directly for them" "You speak of it as if I'm not aware of what implies goin' in." "Alriiight. Alright. You haven't had your morning coffee yet, it seems."

Aiden rubbed his face almost in annoyance. Why he was cranky, he didn't know. But what he knew he needed was to fight. He needed to beat someone, the sooner, the better.

Or sex.

He stopped his mind from wandering off and sighed, pushing his phone back  on his ear.

"Aiden?" "Sorry. I got distracted." "Yeah. Noted. You know, if you want to wait, we can do so-" "No. I've got this." "You sure, pal? Cause not having a proper focus will end up in you being killed. Is something wrong?" "Not really just... need to blow off some steam." "Right..."

T-Bone cleared his throat and again, Aiden could hear mirth in his tone. "You know? I know some couple of girls that would be thri-" "No. I've got enough of it for now."

T-Bone laughed and Aiden rolled his eyes. "No offense pal, but I was starting to think you were like the people that don't feel any sort of sexual desire towards someone... how you call em? Ah! asexuals."

"What are you talking about?" "Or were into guys. About damn time you got some. Who was the saint?" He gasped, "Was it Clara's sister?"

"T-Bone." Aiden warned and Kenney felt like a kid in a candy store.

"Right. Sorry. She hates your guts, true."

Aiden scowled at his words but exhaled softly. "A coworker of hers. Now, moving on-" "A coworker? Ahh, amigo. Way to truly  fuck it up." "Why fuck it up? (Name) has a boyfriend already." "(Name)? Cute. Bet she's cute." "T-Bone." Again, he warned and T-Bone laughed.

"Relax, man. Friend's girls are off limits." "She's not-" "Yeah, yeah. I know. I'm just fucking with you. But seeing your grouchy ass is on charge of you today, we better get back to work. Like I was saying, I've got the three identified. It seems like these Videnko guys are siblings or something. The leader of the hacking team is a Videnko." "It seems the Boss would end up being a Videnko too."

"Most likely. So far we've got four of them. And I took my time to investigate them further. These guys are dangerous, and I mean it, Aiden. Some have international warrants. The guy who is in charge of the videos? Ilya, is labeled as a terrorist in Russia, and this hacker guy is wanted for cyber-terrorism and hacktivism."

"You think is linked with Dedsec?" "At all. Or wait... Actually? I think he had a couple of tries to get in with Dedsec. Or at least that's what this Wrench guy once told me. Let me ask them to see if it's the same guy." "Alright. I must come up with a plan. Gotta blend in if I wanna get in the club."

"Any news from your other contact on the politicians?" "Nothing new. But I'm sure the guy will do his job. He's competent."

"Well, he better hurry up cause if we're hunting these fuckers down, we need as much info we can get from them. We can't screw this up."

----

"Hey." Erik kissed your cheek by surprise wich you could only stare at him for a couple of seconds before kissing him back.

"Hey. What are you doing here?" "Just wanted to say goodbye. Got call from Linden's. Gotta go as soon as I can." "What? So soon?"

"I know, it sucks." He watched you desinfecting a patient's wound before going for the stitching kit. "But I gotta go." "It's alright. I know it's gonna be just two weeks. Then I get to have you all to myself." You giggled and kissed him, wich he returned.

"(Name) your patient is awaiting!" "Coming!" You replied at Rita. "I also gotta go. The kid needs some stitching." "Yeah. I will call you everynight though." "Alright. Have a safe trip, mon chérie." "You speaking french, does... umph. You don't know what you do to me." He kissed you again and smiled.

"Eww" The kid scrunched his nose in disgust upon watching you both

You both laughed and nodded. "Sorry, sorry." "I'll see you in two weeks." "Yes, sir. Dine and wine me after?" "You know me."

Erik and you both kissed once more before he left and you returned to your works. "You guys are disgusting." The kid spoke and you chuckled. "And so is this gash." You stuck your tongue out to him and he chuckled. "What you were doing anyways?" You applied some local anesthesics and begun your stitching.

"Playing with the lawn mower. And it's not the way you think. I was racing my brother to see who mowed the lawn quicker, but I fell and the stupid machine passed over my arm." "Good thing it didn't reach this section. Or else you'd be armless."

You saw the kid cringe as you worked on his wound. ----

"Hey, any news on the politicians?" "Hello, Pearce and yep. You'll have to access this website to get the files. They're hosted up in a cloud. They've got funky names by the way so don't panic."

Aiden awaited for the link and took a swig of a energy drink.

"For what I could gather, these guys are straight up pedos. One of them has been going to this club, 'Portier's' here in San Francisco." "How do you know his location?" "I drove him yesterday, twice. Took some evidence for you. Is my job done?" "Unfortunately, no. I know you'd rather be killing for money-"

"How sweet, you know me so well." "You might have the chance once you finish". "Now we're talking. Anyways, I gotta go. A fixer's contract just showed up." "Right."

Aiden hung up the call and looked back at the prints displayed in his screen. He had gotten the blueprints of the club and now he only had to figure out a plan.

In his way of trying to identify or get more of The Boss, he'd have to get in and that would imply knowing every single space inside, even the emergency exits. Wich the place only had two.

The upper stairs and the exit door next to the stage. The walls had a thick revestment, wich it would mean protection in case things went ugly. He'd get some gadgets with him, like smoke bombs, the coms jammers, and the most important one, the CTos Scan. A couple of hidden guns and his so ever trusted baton.

If the lead he had was true, he could identify the guy and start his manhunt. He took a seat and hacked in the cameras inside Clifton's. Just like T-Bone has said, it looked like a regular fancy bar.

Red carpet that matched the marroon and golden furniture that filled in the place. The mahogany tables contrasted with the marbled edges of the black and golden bar. The whole place was  divided in three sections. The stage, the tables and the bars. The stage of course was in the middle, the tables scattered around before the stage and the bars on each side.

He could see from the cameras a door on the right side of the stage, guarded by two guards that easily blended in as part of Clifton's staff, since everyone, including the bartenders wore a full on black suit. The only way to tell them apart was by the color of their bowties and ties. The service people wore bowties, men red and women golden, and the bartenders wore ties. In the exact color scheme. But the guards, neither had bowties or ties.

Good details.

He then hacked into a goon's hidden camera and started recording. He could see the stairs, also 'dressed up' in the upper floor's colors. And within seconds he then transferred to the main cameras pn the sub-level. The layout was exactly as the upper floor, but, instead of a main stage, it had different pole canes installed around the place.

Some were caged, others like he'd be in a night club. There were few people scattered around, mostly goons.

Total of 8.

There was one guarding each corner, and the rest blended in. But again, no ties or bowties. Aiden could get in as a bar tender, but again, several things could go wrong. To starters, he didn't know if the bartenders were russian, he didn't know any sort of recipe, and it'd be quite noticeable he is brand new in the bar.

The only thing he knew about alcohol is that he liked it, irish and scotch whiskey to start with. It had the best 'punch'. He then downloaded the files and begun going through them, his stomach flipped in disgust.

Both of the politicians had been investigated by sexual misconduct with minors.

Jordi will have a hell of a time killing these bastards.

The images Jordi had sent was the politician along a teenage girl, she didn't look like passing the sixteens, of course her makeup would make them seem as older and they would pass up as grown ups.

This guy got involved in a public scandal with his attorney, then for sexual assault. Sick fuck.

Aiden kept adding felonies this politician. The other one was a bit more discreet, but still, it didn't make him less sick. Illegal animal ring fights, furs and illegal hunts, racism and xenophobia, along financing child labor campaings in foreign countries.

And this one made look his campaign in pro of immigrants. Too bad this information will be out.

He smirked. Aiden enjoyed when these sort of chances with politicians came up, and it was even better when they had a good reputation.

This is why I kept doing it.

For the thrill of getting people what they deserved? No. For Justice.

Politicians always promise, but never actually get shit done. Time to be put in timeout.

It was kind of ironic how the pedophile one had the highest chance to become a new mayor in another state.

It's not gonna be possible, big guy.

The Fox had seen enough about the files and soon he begun getting ready.

He dressed up fancily, wich was key on the dress code if he wanted to go in. He wore a black suit with a gray button shirt. His old Vigilante scarf was the perfect accesory since it looked like a silk scarf, and it matched perfectly his color scheme. His gun was hidden on his feet and his baton in his left ankle.

He shaved his beard and styled his hair to a side. He looked like a wealthy man. The perfect type of target for the mobsters downstairs.

He was wealthy, although illegally, but wealthy nonetheless. The plan was simple. He'd go in just to survey the area and to try an identify The Boss or anything that would lead to him. In previous hacked conversations he saw that the main leader would actually visit the club.

This was his chance. The guy had gotten away once and he was slippery enough to do it again. If not careful, he could make all of it longer. But he knew that it was possible with patience.

He hid all the devices he could and soon went out the door. He jammed a car and drove to the club.

These guys make the mob back in Chicago look like boys scouts.

He parked on the sub-level of the club for an easy escape and walked in Security wasn't that much strict, the metallic sensors the guards had didn't scanned him completely, so his gear could go undected on the top floors. But in the lower floor, he needed to be cautious. The club's insides were as lavish and fancy as the cameras had shown him.

There was a group playing live, jazz and blues. His green eyes scanned the area, looking for the guards. He took a seat at one of the empty tables, soon a waiter took his order. Nothing seemed too out of the ordinary. The corner of his eyes caught something. One of the atendees approached where the two guards would be and showed them a golden sort of ticket, then he was able to through.

He hacked the cameras and could take a closer look to what the golden ticket was.

An invitation?

The question was where would he'd get one. Were they coded? Did each of them had a special sort of number? He couldn't make out much from the ticket besides it being golden and having some embossed letters on it.

Guess I'll have to sneak in.

There was no more guards around. His phone was a weapon that could cause any sort of distraction within seconds. A blackout would be the most ideal thing, however, the club had a perfect reputation. And it'd be obvious something was going on.

The club was his playground, he could hack, make things and people explode. But for now, he's stick to non-letal distractions to avoid any suspicions.

Gotta make those two to move.

He first activated the alarms of two cars, but it wasn't enough to make them move. Just put the vallets in a brief panic. The cameras outside showed him that there was a couple of explosive-prone things.

Sorry, pal. Nothing personal.

He pressed the button and one pipe blew, knocking the boiling hot pipe's air on the two vallets. Their scream was enough for the remaining vallet to call them off. It was his chance. Waiters kept coming and going, minding their business. And when none was looking, Aiden snuck in.

The stairs came in spiral, lights lighted the way downstairs where he could hear faint music, wich volume increased as he kept approaching. When reaching the bottom of the stairs there was a completely different scenery before him.

The music was upbeat, women danced in cages, mostly skimpily dressed, leaving little to the imagination. Others danced in the pole canes, the guard downstairs gave him a mask. It was a black one, silky smooth finish. Once he got it on, he was allowed to roam free.

Some women threw themselves to him, touching him and dancing, he could see some other atendees engaging with them. And just as the cameras had showed him, there was a guard on every corner of the room. And many others roaming free. He could count 10 in total.

The emergency exits were in the spot he'd visualized before. He went to the bar and asked for another whiskey. A guard stood by him and looked at Aiden with mirth.

"Ready to bid?" The guard smirked as he downed his drink in one gulp. His accent heavy.

"Sure do. Yeah." "That's the fucking spirit! The boss like it when people aren't afraid to indulge themselves. What are you into?" "Came here for the women. And maybe business." "Ahh, good. Women are the best. You could beat them as much as you want and they'd keep quiet." The guard was clearly drunk, and maybe also high as it was easy to get information out. "Hope you stay for the halftime show." "A show?" "Yeah. Didn't they tell you?" He hiccuped and smirked, "We'll get a live show." The guard grope on Aiden's shoulder and cackled, "We're getting into a big bloody show today. And guess whose gonna help? Take a guess. C'mon." "You?" "Meee." The man blew his drunk breath on Aiden, who just scrunched up his nose in disgust. But it was his chance. "What's your boss name?" "It was... eh... Yurik. Wait no. I don't remember."  The man downed another one and smiled, "He's one of the most badass boss you'll ever meet." "Is he?" "Da! He's good with guns. And business. Look how many people are here at this production!"

Production?

"Is he coming today?" Aiden downed his drink. "Of course! He's the main lead on our show. You know him?!" "I wish. Sounds like a man you'd want to be." Aiden kept the conversation along, talking when necessary just to get as much information out.

"Da. Lots of millions each month. And women. Women love him." "I bet. Does he treat you good?" "Oh yes. Da. I'd give my life for him" he beated his chest proudly. "Does he have siblings?" "Oohh yes. But we don't talk about that... traitor." "Traitor?" Aiden invited the guard another one, and he gladly accepted the drink. "Yurik, the rat, got away when the boss was growing on the business. He didn't like it. Took a few millions with him. But boss is good. So he let him escape. Yurik has a girl now. No offense. But she's american." "They fought over it?" "A...lot." "The boss didn't like when Yurik told him that he was dating an american girl. But he let his brother to get away with it."

The guard yawned and took another one.

"No offense but american, gurls. No good. Too much trouble."

Aiden chuckled.

"К черту, Орли. Оставьте гостя в покое!*" the other guard pulled the drunk guard away from The Fox and sighed.

"My apologies, sir. This idiot doesn't know how to behave. Let's go."

The other guard dragged his subordinate away as the drunk one giggled and spoke in a slurred russian.

A show?

Aiden was smart enough to figure out that the show would result in someone being killed.

And if they're the same sick fucks, they'd film it and sell it.

His suspicions were confirmed upon seeing Ilya laughing and drinking with some other people. The place was like a debauchery room.  Some of the women were stripped and pulled into more private spots. Aiden could hear some moanings, despite the music eachoing loud and clear.

He started to feel a buzz through his body that slowly started to feel a mix of emotions he only got upon trying Defalt's digital trips.

How didn't he notice? Of course the drug would take it's time in doing effect. And now he was starting to feel them, he needed to either cover his ears or hack the Dj booth. Just a few taps on his phone and it was done.

His body felt relieved upon the music changing, but many for not saying mostly were already too high to actually stop whatever they were doing.

He saw some of the guards suddenly to reunite at the entrance and finally he could see his face. For some reason he could feel a deja vù. The man was tall, brown haired, slicked back, hazel eyes, a couple of tattoos sneaking up on his neck and knuckles. A thick cigar on his hands. He greeted Ilya in a way people greet their family. He shook a couple of hands and for Aiden's luck, he came his way.

The boss offered Aiden his hand, and Aiden greeted him.

"Welcome!" His voice was deep, a bit harsh and raspy, but held enough kindness to make anyone feel welcomed. Aiden however didn't detect any sort of accent on him. "One of my subordinates told me you came here for business. Antoyev."

"Richard. Impossible to lose a chance like this. Your men convinced me, actually." "They're good men, Da. Why don't we speak more privately, once the show ends?" "Of course." Aiden nodded and Antoyev just chuckled. His hazel eyes trying to figure out who was behind that black and slick mask.

"Следи за этим парнем.*" The boss mumbled to one of the men nearby him, then he moved on the next guest and so on. Now that he had identified him, he could go and search whatever he could find about him.

He made his way towards the main entrance. Giving curt nods to the other atendees. He noticed one of the goons following him from afar, when a girl, dressed in white lingerie stopped him. She made a motion to Aiden to follow her. And if he wanted to blend in and get rid of the tailing goon, he'd have to 'indulge himself'.

He followed the woman, to a more private spot. Those 'spots' were booths  that had an u shaped, red leather seat, a pole cane and of course some condoms in a small tray ontop of the table nearby. The woman closed the courtains and pushed Aiden to the seat. She climbed ontop of him and smirked.

"I need you to listen." She mumbled softly, enough for him to pay attention. Aiden looked at her way and his hands started to roam her body slowly. The woman moaned loudly purposely, and then gave a glance to the floor. He could see someone walking away.

"You were being followed." "I know." "You have to get me out of here. Please." She mumbled in between kisses on his neck.

The accent on the woman was slightly heavy, and that's when she removed her bra.

"They have cameras in here so play along." The woman licked his ear and he couldn't help but shudder at the sensation, but his discipline made sure he kept the composture.

"What is this place?" "Isn't that obvious?" The woman replied as her hands sauntered over his chest.

"Heard one of the guys talking about a show. What is it?" "The show is someone getting killed. And that someone is me." She licked his cheek softly, "you are supposed to touch me. Now."

His hands were on her breasts and squeezed them softly, then pulled her down to kiss her neck. She arched her back and moaned as her hips grinded on his. He could see a red spot on the camera but then it went off. That's where the woman stopped and grinded harder on him, this earned a groan from him. And that's when she stopped with a smile.

She covered her breast again and Aiden exhaled.

"Look, as much as I'd love to ride you, I need you to get me out of here. I... I don't wanna die. And much less to have someone to film it and sell it." "So that's the show." "A lot of women have been killed like this. That guy, Antoyev is always requested in the videos. He's cruel."

The woman braced herself and looked up at the cameras. "They turn it off as soon ad the business start to... you know. Get real. Fucking perverts."

"Do you have any sort of tracking device on you?" "On my back. A tattoo."

Just like Poppy.

"I can help you. If you help me."

"I won't suck your cock okay? "

"I'm not... Look. None of that is gonna happen. I need you to tell me everything you know about Antoyev."

"That's the problem, приятель. We are not allowed near him. Just few lucky women do. And I haven't gotten that luck. And look at me!. All I know is that he works abroad with a shipping company"

"Alright. When does the show starts?" "In half an hour. Ilya is setting up the cameras. Everyone is here to see me being butchered." "Do they sedate the women?" "If they're good? Yes. They give them a merciful death. These guys are serious." "I know. That's why I wanna hunt them down."

The woman just looked at him and gave a nod. "You're not the first one in saying so. How are we getting out?" "See those air ventilations?" "I don't fit there."

Aiden went silent and sighed. "This wasn't in my plans." "Don't you dare in leaving me here. I beg you. I chose you because Antoyev doesn't cross words with anyone. He asked one of his guys to keep an eye on you because he feels threatened. He doesn't like foreigners to be snooping in his business."

"You know him more than you let on." "Years of working on this club has make me quite the reader of people. Now, time is running. In twenty something minutes I am supposed to be fetched and drugged. If you are going to help me it's the chance." "Blackouts are a good distraction." "We've never had blackouts before." "There's always a first." "We have some back up generators. One underneath the main stage, and the other one on the bar's floor."

"That's a stupid place to put a generator." "Right?!" The woman chuckled and she smiled at him.

"I'm Yelena. I go by Rosie around here." "Joe." "You don't look like a Joe to me." "Exactly. We gotta play smart. You can take the bar's generator out and I'l take the stage one. I could cause an explosion to them, but that would be too obvious. The more discreet we do things, the more chances we get to go alive from here."

"Promise me, you'll do anything possible to get me out. The others have lost hope. I wanna give them that. I want to give them something they can hold on." "Sorry to break it, but hope is a sad thing." "For you. For me, is everything. And if I die trying, then so be it. But I rather go fighting."

He sighed and held up his hands. "Alright. Let's get us out. Once the generators are out, you go to the door next to the stage. And if you have the chance to change your shoes, do it. We'll have to run." "The device on my back" "Don't worry."

He positioned his phone and made it look like he would take a picture. Yelena whined as the device gave her a small shortcut.

"Done. They'll think you're still here. But once we get out they'll be no longer able to track you." "If we weren't escaping for our lives, I'd kiss you." "Appreciated but don't. Now, let's go." "Ooh, have a girlfriend?" Aiden ignored her wich she just smirked. "If you do, doing things like this still count as cheating. приятель"

Yelena fluffed our her hair and smeared her makeup purposely. To create a 'done' look. Aiden was the first in going out, he straightened his suit and went to the bar. The goon that had been following him was now out of sight. He sat at one of the tables and soon hacked on the camera to where the stage was. He'd have to hack it as soon as possible before the intrusion was read and the alarms went off.

Thanks to T-Bone, the both had hacked into the Bratva's hardrive and gotten the access to the CtOs. So escaping would be relatively easier. His part was done once he succesfully hacked into the generator's security code. He could see Yelena drinking and knocking over some bottles on the floor. The bartenders trying to get her off the bar as people cheered at her.

There was a slight power outage and soon Yelena disappeared out of his sight just to appear minutes later next to the door, barefoot. People were now murmuring upon a light cloud of smoke and a buzz came from behind the bar. Mostly thought it was all part of the show so they clapped on.

He was about to cause a blackout when Ilya held on Yelena by her wrist and pulled her to him, a tad rough.

"There you are! What are you doing here? You gotta go get ready for the show!" None had to be a genius to notice that Ilya was pulling forcefully the blonde. "You've been a bad girl. Look what you did to the bartenders! Now they have to clean all of your mess." He gritted his teeth on the last part.

Yelena fought and tried to pull away from him, but one slap of Ilya was enough to keep her still. Aiden made his way towards the conmotion and pushed one of the atendees against Ilya. Being the violent man he was, Illya took the man by the neck and begun beating and cussed at him in russian.

People around started to scream and run away from the fight area, even the dancers and women around. None wanted to face the Producer's wrath. This was distraction enough for Yelena to get away from Ilya and she ran towards the entrance. Some atendees begun going away through the spiral stairs, despite Antoyev's attempts to calm everyone down.

Aiden caused a blackout.

People now ran and screamed in panic in all directions trying to also escape, Aiden took Yelena with him and they finally managed to make their way through the sea of people that had clumped on both exits, fleeing through the emergency exit after dumping the mask nearby the tables.

"Start the car. Now!" Aiden pulled out his gadgets, first he jammed and deactivated the communications from  the upcoming reinforcements, then, he threw a gas bomb where he had just came out, feeding the collective hysteria and pulled his gray vigilante scarf up his face.

"Wich one?!" Yelena looked around in panic.

Hell broke lose.

Bullets started in a couple of rounds and then rained everywhere.

"Joe!" Yelena screamed as she scrambed away, hiding behind an SUV. Aiden fired back, shooting at everything that moved as he shot his way through to reach behind the SUV. Antoyev came out, and pulled out his handgun. He shot three times. The first one impacting on the mirror next to Aiden, blocking temporarily his sight.

The second one on the SUV's window, breaking it into tiny shards that exploded on Aiden sides, making him to groan in pain as he ducked over.  The last one  just echoed in Aiden's direction.

Aiden shot on Antoyev's direction and focused to shoot him on his shooting arm, then took out Ilya, with a clean shot on his forehead. Yelena finally got the chance to get in the car.

He scrambled away to get in the car and escape. Yelena couldn't help but yell in excitement as the car roared further and further through the streets. Their victory however would last little as other goons tailed after them.

Let's see if the access works properly.

As he pressed a button, one of the sewers blew up in scorching steam, the explosion taking out two of the cars that followed them. The explosive wave sending Aiden's car forward. It felt so thrilling, despite it being a familiar sensation.

"Watch out!" Yelena curled into the space between the passenger seat and the car's dashboard when one of the cars began shooting at the rear and lateral windows.

"Do you know how to use a weapon?" "Da!" Yelena yelped when the car abruptly turned left.

"Then fucking shoot!" Aiden handed over the gun and pushed the accelerator as deep as he could. Yelena took the weapon and soon, began shooting randomly. The gun's charger was emptied to the car next to them. Yelena had managed, although with some difficulties, to bring down the driver, the passenger and the car to detour into an alleyway to crash.

One car left.

Aiden kept on driving, turning and skipping through ways to escape. Maybe he had finally found his match at driving since no matter how he drifted, the goon kept tailing him.

"Hold on tight" Aiden grunted as he tried to hold his injured side. Yelena immediately secured herself with the seatbelt, Aiden did a risky turn to then activate the bollards from the ground, the goons collided fair and square on them, destroying the car completely.The men's bodies were crushed between the car debris and the bollards.

Aiden glanced one last time to them and drove to a safer zone. His heart however kept on beating and just when he tried to accomodate on his seat, felt the true instensity of the pain that the shards of glass burried in his side inflicted.

"You're bleeding." Yelena noted and Aiden whined softly in response. His breath hitched.

"I'll drop you off soon. Where?" "Airport. I have a friend in there. She will help me out." "You sure?" "Da. Uhm... we could stop by a-" "No. I'll be fine."

Aiden kept on glancing back to see if anyone kept on following them, his hand never leaving his wounded abdomen to apply pressure. The adrenaline felt like a drug that was at his highest peak on him.

"Take that coat" It was a leather trencoat he had removed before entering Clifton's.

"Thank you." Yelena put on the trenchcoat  and secured it on her body and smiled, then she cupped Aiden's cheek gently and kissed him.

"Don't die, приятель." She gave a last smooch and got off the car. Aiden awaited for her to go inside to then drive off.

Can't get medical supplies like this.

He dialed Jordi but he never answered. Wich mean he was out of reach.

T-Bone.

His fingers trembled everytime he moved. The shards dug deeper if he moved forward, but still he managed to call T-Bone.

"Kenney..." he mumbled in between raged gasp. "Don't mean to be rude but... I rather stick as friends pal. I don't think like that about you."

Laughing was almost as painful as the sharp glass cutting through his tissue and muscles.

"The nearest medical facility?" "What? Are you ok?" "No. Where." He almost growled.

The sound of some keyboards being pushed kept him alert. Adrenaline was slowly wearing off his body. His side felt burning, dull pain on his mid section and unceasing pulsations from the inside.

"Two miles away" "Fuck." "Aiden, are you ok?" "No. I think I was shot." "You think?! What happened?!

There was a silence and T-Bone sighed. "Found the boss. Shot him too."

"That makes things worse. I know, the nearest hospital-"

T-Bone could heard a lound honk from the outside. "You'll have to go to a hospital, pal. Gunshots are serious."

"No time for that." Aiden laboured in between gasps. "I'll be fine. I'll call you back soon." "Wait! I know someo-"

He had to stop midway in the highway to steady his breath, after abruptly ending up the call with T-Bone.

C'mon, Pearce.

He grunted as he pressed the accelerator with his foot and drove. His sight at times blurred but once he was in a familiar zone, he skipped a beat.

He abandoned the car in a parking lot and inhaled sharply upon walking. His whole energy was spent trying to lose the henchmen, dropping off Yelena and trying to keep himself awake. He walked and finally was inside your building. He took the elevator, and his left foot sloshed in his shoe.

Soon. Just hold on.

He'd take some time to open the door and go the bathroom. If the door was left open , he didn't care. He needed antibiotics, bandages and some alcohol. The shards had cut deep enough.

He hadn't paid attention, but he had left a small bloody trail in your apartment's entrance leading back to him. His gray shirt felt damp. The adrenaline surely had left his body weak and weary. He took the tweezers, removed his suit and unbuttoned his shirt. He could see some pieces of glass poking out of the once fancy shirt and of course a bullet hole on both sides of his shirt.

Cold sweat ran down his spine as his body shuddered while he tried to pull out the bigger shards.

The front door creaked and then closed.

He swallowed, and took his baton out. ---

You had a long day at work and exhausted was a tiny fraction of how you felt. Your eye swelling had decreased considerably. But the bruise, so ever black, blue, purple and yellow was still there. You only wanted to get home, a hot bath and a nice dinner you've gotten for yourself.

Your heart sunk and beat upon seeing your door ajar. A blood handprint on it. You took your keys, accomodating them between your fingers, ready to strike. But the rustling and grunting in your bathroom only made you to grip your keys tighter, but then you found the broom and grabbed it.

The grunting only increased followed by erratic breaths.

"What the fuck..." exhaling deeply you found the courage to suddenly kick the door open, broom in both hands ready to attack, but a hand, a very metallic scented hand covered your mouth. There was a clank on the floor. And from what you could see, it was a baton along your broom.

"Don't make a noise." He heaved in pain and pushed you gently against the wall, "please."

Your body trembled, tears had flooded your eyes but you could still see Aiden's silhouette. Slouched, panting and gasping for air. The very familiar metallic scent you were used to see on a daily basis, suddenly felt too overwhelming to bear. He removed his hands from your mouth, leaving a stain on your face making you to gag.

"W-What... what happened?." You croaked. "..." he grunted as he tried to stand up but his weight was starting to feel too heavy, even for him.

"Help me." He gulped and his knees begun to feel weak. His body crashed against yours and you could feel warm  dampness on your skin and clothes. You shook your head as your heart pounded against your ribcage so painfully that it made you yelp when you felt the shards on his side as you tried to support him.

His chin now resting on your shoulder and his hands slipping away from the wall to avoid putting all his weight at once on you. You panted softly, the anxiety begun eating you alive. 

"A-Aiden?" "P... Please. Just.."  He felt heavier on you. He was passing out. "Just this time." You shook your head vehemently as tears rolled down your cheeks. "I... I don't have the right equipment here, we gotta... go... to a.. a... a hospital."

"Can't..." he mumbled so ever quietly. Now it was your time to swallow, hard. It hurted to even breathe as he was now practically going limp on your shoulders.

"C-Can you make it to the guest room?"

He shook his head and exhaled slowly.

"...rry." "Aiden?!" You called but there was no answer. Instead, his body finally plumetted on yours. You caught his upper body with an 'oomph', as your legs did their best to support the whole weight. 

"Aiden..." you grunted while trying to get him off you. "Aiden wake up... you can't do this!. Not here." You nearly sobbed as panick rose. "Please..." His blood made him hard to hold, you could feel him slowly slipping away from your grip.

He fell on the floor with ease as you tried to make his fall less painful, but it almost brought you down with him. Your uniform was damp. A huge bright and glossy red stain adorned your once pristine aquamarine uniform and shoes.

Your knees gave up and you covered your mouth with your hands, suppressing a sob as you stared at an unconscious and bleeding Aiden on the floor.

Shit.

------------ К черту, Орли. Оставьте гостя в покое!*" - Goddammit Orley, leave the guest alone! Следи за этим парнем.*" - Keep an eye on this guy. приятель* - Buddy, pal, friend.

[questioning-aspec-culture-is]

Hi. I have a question about the aro spectrum and I would be really grateful if you would like to offer me some advice.

I found out about the aspec community a few months ago and right away started to identify as ace, it felt like it was the word I had searched for for so long. Now I'm questioning if I'm also aro and I'm feeling really confused about it all.

I can start off by saying I'm a really romantic person; I love the idea of romance, I love reading about it and I would really like to be in a relationship and experience it like the movies and books show it. I want the kisses, the cuddles, the handholding, the lingering touches, someone to wake up and fall asleep next to, someone I can leave cute notes to on the fridge and make them a cup of coffee in the mornings.

The trouble is I never seem to find a person with whom I want to share all of that. I've never had a crush on anyone. When I actively search for someone to have a crush on (this is something I just recently figured out not everyone does? Apparently crushes just happen to people? I mean, how??) I have twice found a person I could picture myself kissing (in a "yeah, I guess I could kiss her if it came to it" kind of way) and it was usually based on the fact that they were nice to me, not a sudden strike of romantic feelings towards them. I've never acted on it and the feeling was soon forgotten.

I was in a relationship some years back. It was my best friend who kissed me one day (for me this came out of the blue) and admitted to having a crush on me. I had never thought of her in that way before the kiss but I told her anyway that I had had a crush on her as well, just because it felt like that was expected of me and I didn't want to lose my best friend and it seemed to make her happy. I loved being in a relationship with her and we did all the usual stuff romantic couples do (like kissing and cuddling etc) and I was a very cheesy girlfriend. I loved her, even though it was quite a toxic relationship in the end, she cheated on me multiple times and we broke up after a couple of years and since then I haven't had any relationships. I still don't know whether I loved her romantically or if I just loved the feeling of being loved, if that makes sense?

So now I'm really confused about it all. I have all of these romantic ideas in my head and I would really like a girlfriend to share them with, but I can't seem to find anyone to target my feeling towards. I've tried dating but it always felt awkward and uncomfortable so I gave it up. For a really long time I thought I was to picky with my crushes but since I started to learn about asexuality and aromanticism I started thinking. Could that mean I'm aro? Or gray-aro? Cupio-aro? Gray-recipro-aro? Is it even possible to have multiple microlabels? Or does these romantic ideas mean I'm not aro, I just can't find someone?

Sorry for my very long rambling and I'm sorry if I've totally misunderstood the concept of aro. I've tried reading about it but I'm still really confused by it all. I just know that for the first time in my life I've started to feel like maybe I'm not as broken and weird as I've always felt like.

I would be truly grateful for any advice you can give me! Please only answer to this if you want and feel comfortable to and when you have the time!

Thank you in advance! And thank you for this blog, it has been very helpful now that I'm trying to figure out who I am.

You absolutely can have more than one microlabel. You can have them all, if you think they fit!

I don't think you've misunderstood the concept of aromanticism at all - it's experiencing little to no romantic attraction. From what you've told me, it sounds like you experience little to no romantic attraction. Therefore, you could be aro!

If you decide you are aro, it's perfectly fine to leave it like that, without a microlabel. However, if you would like to label your experiences further, it definitely sounds like all three of the micorlables you mentioned might be good for you to use, especially cupio and recipromantic! Having 'romantic' ideas does not mean you're not aro, not at all. The only thing that might mean you're not aro is experiencing frequent romantic attraction.

No need to apologise! I'm glad your perception of yourself is becoming more positive - and, you know, if finding out about the aromantic community makes you feel like that, chances are you belong here :)

[thickness-protection-program]

so.... im sry if this is weird question but how did you figure out you were ace? are you completely ace? im having some trouble with this stuff and tbh i just sorta want a bit of advice,,, thx in advance and feel free to ignore if u dont wanna answer

Ok so. First I wanna start off by saying if choosing a label is stressing you out then don't worry about labels as much as just your feelings. Yes it is comforting to know there's a whole community like you but don't feel like you have to force yourself into one category if you show traits of multiple categories.

As for how did I figure out? I didn't "figure out" as much as I just wholeheartedly accepted it. In high school I thought something was wrong with me because many of my classmates were talking about like all the sex they're starting to have and how much they wanna bang whoever, and I was over here like can I just get some cool friends? Can I just hold hands maybe? I told a friend at the time that I may be asexual but she brushed it off as "just because you don't wanna have sex right now doesn't make you asexual." Which at the time i was like you're probably right. But realistically I think that was the start of why it took me so long to accept myself.

Then growing up and going to college and identifying purely as bisexual, I tried to really dive into the sexual part. I did a few hookups that I genuinely wasn't that into but did a few more bc "maybe I'll enjoy it next time." I (hesitantly) tried dirty talking people and talking about kinks that I convinced myself I had, but like that stuff wasn't making me horny and it wasn't making me happy. But I was still under the impression I was biSEXUAL and I will become the sex goblin I see many people around me being.

Fast forward to this year actually and I just got exhausted of trying to fool myself. And don't get me wrong, when I'm in the mood I do enjoy sexy times (but that's a whole nother topic of myself I can dive into) but I don't CRAVE it. It is not an important part of a relationship for me and I don't look at anyone and think about all the ways I would sex them up. And I finally accepted it's totally ok to not be a sexual person. That being said, being under one mindset for so long I do slip back into old habits sometimes and look at people on Tumblr and online and stuff and wish I could experience sexual attraction like they do but I snap out of it quick because asexuality is just as valid as sexuality and quite frankly I love it. I don't stress over not being dicked or clitted down lmao.

Am I completely ace? That question specifically is impossible to answer bc there's no such thing as "completely ace" considering asexuality is a whole spectrum in and of itself, which is another thing that helped me accept myself. I am an ace who is romantically attracted to multiple genders. None of which I wanna smash at first sight but if we become acquainted enough and you wanna give or get head I might be like 👀 if you're like 👀. So in essence I'm a sex neutral bi ace but obviously not every ace is like me or even remotely close to me.

I don't want what I'm saying to be seen or heard as the experience of every ace person. This is just MY experience. And whatever you're experiencing right now I just want you to know you're 110% valid and PLEASE don't feel ashamed to ask for advice. Yes you are in the driver's seat on the road to self discovery but you dont always have to be the only person in the car. Me and others are here for support 🙂

[and-stir-the-stars]

hey i dont know who to ask but am i asexual if i don't want sex itself but i still don't mind having intimacy with an s/o such as kissing/hugging and sleeping together? or am i gray ace? someone told me i was demisexual but i don't think

Hi anon!

If you're looking for blogs to learn more about asexuality and/or aromanticism, I'd recommend @raavenb2619 and @aspecpplarebeautiful

I think an important thing to keep in mind as one questions their sexuality is that sexuality is about the things you do or do not feel, not about the things you do.

An important reason for the distinction above is that the meaning of a gesture is assigned by the people involved in that gesture. For example, some people might see actions like kissing or hand-holding as inherently sexual and/or romantic acts, while others might not. So an outsider might witness people kissing or sleeping in a bed together and assume that must mean the people are sexually intimate, but for the people actually kissing/sleeping/whatever, they might not view the action as sexual whatsoever. So, to pull those threads together: "intimacy" is not the same thing as "sexual." If actions that typically get associated with sex by societal standards make you happy and aren't necessarily sexual by your standards, you might be ace!

And I say "might be" because, in the end, only you know yourself well enough to be able to identify how you do or do not feel. I and others like me can give you guidance (and are more than happy to! Never be afraid to seek out help with this kind of thing!), but can't always give you exact answers; we can give you the puzzle pieces of information you might need, but in the end, it's up to you to decide whether the pieces fit right.

That being said: if I'm honest, what you described doesn't quite sound like demisexuality to me. Demisexuality is when a person feels sexual attraction only after forming a close emotional bond with another person; if you've formed a close bond with a s/o and do not experience sexual attraction toward them, and if you don't identify with the label or definition, then demisexual might not be the label for you.

Gray asexual might be a label worth checking into. Gray ace is an umbrella term meant to encompass a wide range of experiences: from people who experience sexual attraction rarely, to those who experience sexual attraction only under certain circumstances, to those who don't have a firm understanding of what sexual attraction is to them or even of what sexual attraction itself is. The term gray asexual is so vague in part because it's there for those who don't want to be weighed down by a rigid definition of their sexuality, or those who can't quite pin down what that definition might be for them yet. Inside this broad gray asexual umbrella, there's a lot of different microlabels you might find are worth checking out.

All in all, my final piece of advice is: don't be afraid to identify as ace then find out that label doesn't fit you after all. For a good while, I didn't let myself identify with the aromantic community even after I questioned whether I was aromantic; I did this because I felt like, if I tried identifying as aro then realized I was wrong, I would "taint" the aromantic community or "undermine" just how hard aros had fought to be seen as a valid and respectable identity. Now I know just how ridiculous that line of thought was. First of all, it's perfectly okay-- and even natural-- for your understanding of your sexuality (or romantic orientation) to shift, change, and become more clear over time; it's not something you have to be afraid of, and finding out something new about yourself doesn't erase the person you thought you were out of existence. You're not going to upset anyone if you try out a label and later realize it doesn't fit you. And if you find the label does fit you, then I think you'll be glad you didn't restrict yourself on unfounded fears.

[divagonzo]

What exactly is being ace? I didn't understand that anon post about being just a phase

‘ello Nonnie. Thanks for the question. This is going to be rather long and in-depth so I’ll toss up a TL;DR and then answer in-depth under the cut.

TL;DR answer: Being Ace means asexual, in that a person doesn’t feel any physical sexual attraction to another person, regardless of sex, or gender presentation. Within this label are various spectrums from “Zero physical/sexual attraction to anyone, ever” to “it happened once in my life” to “I gotta know someone for years before there’s even a possibility and even then, it might not happen.”

Even then there is a whole spectrum when you add in the romantic side of things, from Aromantic to Homoromantic to Biromantic or Panromantic, etc.

They can want the snuggles, companionship, maybe some snogging going on - but going so far as to feel sexual attraction to someone else? Not happening.

All the fic of “one night stand” or “friends with benefits? Rarely with those who are Ace. Too much stands in the way of it.  Those who do are probably doing such for pleasing a partner or sharing experiences for the aftermath of cuddles and open & honest communications.

The detractors who say “it’s a phase” use it as denigration and dehumanization, saying it in a derogatory manner, infantilizing us into “we’ve not grown up enough to realize sex is the end-all/be-all of relationship dynamics” when it’s not the case. 

All of this doesn’t get into the Aromantic side of things, too. That is a whole ‘nuther nutshell.

Those who fall on the Ace spectrum might as well have an affinity for garlic bread than getting hot and sweaty with someone - or rather have garlic bread next to spagbol than think of doing The Do.

Further explanations under the cut line

It boils down to feelings - or in this case, lack of them. All the Calvin Klein models in their pants & knickers? Does nothing for those who are Ace (maybe aesthetics but not “I gotta ask to bone them immediately” rubbish. Same for seeing stuff on the screen or even in the books/fic. 

Since Ace isn’t talked about much until recently, there have been generations of people who have felt... broken.... for not feeling something others do, including acting unhealthy ways to either conform or blend in or doing it for others and letting boundaries be violated by engaging in such when it’s just not there.

Being Ace wasn’t even a remotely mainstream letter under the Queer community label until ~ 15 years ago. Sure, it’s been out there on the fringes and margins of the Community since the 70′s but it’s only been in the last 10-15 years that it’s grown into something remotely recognizable, with pride flags, social media presence, and acceptance for much of the wider global populace. Even now being Ace isn’t necessarily something of a pride aspect, since most just want to live quietly and with contentment away from sex. I’ve heard quite a few who aren’t straight get bent (or hurt, too) because a romantic partner of theirs realizes they are Ace and the one hurt can’t get past it and realize that the relationship won’t work since there is that incompatibility involved.

Just like Bi or Pan, being in a straight appearing relationship doesn’t negate who you are - just like married women are still Bi or Pan, even if married to a man.

Back when I could have used the information and not wandered for decades before finding what fits me best, I tried on so many labels. None fit.

Lesbian? Nope. Liked Guys to some extent*** (more on that later)

Bi? Possible but it didn’t fit either. 

Het? Still nope since I had some attractions to women as well. (Gramma Draig is Old and Pan wasn’t a label until decades past my wedding so it wasn’t a consideration)

Nothing fit properly until I came across early Ace discourse and said, “Hmmmm this might be a possibility” but even then it didn’t quite fit just right for me, personally. Only when I came across a subset inside the Ace spectrum - Demisexual - did I find what fits like a well-tailored suit or the perfect pair of calfskin leather gloves.

The Spouse, whom I have been with for 25+ years now? He falls on the Ace spectrum too. His was a “once in a lifetime” sort of attraction. I certainly don’t complain.

So those who see us out and about might presume we’re a het couple.... are rudely disabused since we are, for all intents, queer. 

And with his, he’s content to spend quality time together than to do anything icky sticky. And that’s fine. We have what works for us.

But anyone saying negatively that “it’s just a phase” and “You’ve not f* the right person yet” earns instant disrespect and I will gladly block them than deal with them. Ain’t no one got time for those shenanigans. I will also burn a bitch for anyone trying corrective behaviors to change someone who is Ace.

Those who wish to use abuse to make someone who is Ace conform to their belief system..... they deserve a piano dropped on their head or a millstone tied around their neck and dropped down to the Titanic to slowly dissolve.

And those who gatekeep Aces out of the community at large? They can fuck off too. (Same for those who fully adhere to lawncare behaviors - aka T/E//R/F/S & S/W/E//R/F/S.)

if you have any further questions, Nonnie, I’ll be glad to assist.

[thewolfisapartofmysoul]

Hey lovelies.

Got you a Dewey x reader fic.

Reader coming out as ace (asexual) while Dewey is playing the guitar and the reader lounging on his lap. Fluff and angst ahead. All aboard! Fair warning... its quite long...

Hope you enjoy. 💜

..................................................................................

Safe

You and Dewey had been friends since kindergarten. You were as thick as thieves. Being able too see your best friend everyday since you two were roommates only made things better.

Dewey was a incredibly bouncy, happy person. That much you guys had in common. You both were as enthausiastic as you were chaotic sometimes. And when you were having one of 'these' days... the ones when you just woke up grumpy, you could find comfort in the small things in each other. He would give you one single look and knew what kind of day it was. It was on these days that Dewey proved himself being the man, the myth and the legend you believed he was. He would make sure your favorite tea was ready in the morning, with just the right amount of honey in it. And he would do anything to crack your mood up during the day. Including some 'sick' dance moves on random moments, and playing requests you had on his guitar always calmed your mind. In return you knew that playing guitar hero cleared his clouded mind, and spontaneous dance parties always made him smile.

Long story short, you'd be there for each other.

.......

The thing was that lately you came to realise that some things were different for you then they were for him.

You always pictured yourself with a partner as loving and caring as Dewey was. You just KNEW he was your favorite person in the world. It was just... difficult. The whole situation had been difficult. There had to be a person in this universe who wanted to know what made you tick. Besides Dewey. Right?

That was a question your head had been occupied with the last couple of months.

Of course you noticed Dewey going out. On dates. With actual girls.

He wasnt the most popular guy you knew, but damn... he had some charm in that authentic and warm personality he had. He also was kinda cute, you had to admit. But you were 101% cool with him dating. Even helping him pick out outfits and scolding him for forgetting garlic on date-night is a no-go. And when he wouldnt come home at night you would smile to yourself, because you was happy for the dude.

So why werent you out there? Dating? Again? You tried. Hell... you tried so SO hard to actually like people.

Liking wasnt the right word. Cause liking people wasnt that difficult. You could love the personalities of people in a heartbeat. Loved the way they laughed, or the freckles on their face, or the way they sat. You'd loved the way they talked about what drove them, what they were passionate about. You loved so many people. Yet you loved no-one.

You came to realise lately that you were kind of different. For instance: Dewey could swoon over a girl he saw for one second. One moment he was chilling with u at your local bar, the next moment you saw that sparkle in his eyes... And with a wink, a pat on your shoulder and a VERY bad attempt to moonwalk away from you, you knew you didnt had to wait up for him.

That was fine. Never bothered you actually. It was a signal you guys had created. Dewey also knew that when u werent in the mood or okay with leaving alone, you would put on a pouty face. That would be his que to get the random-chick's number, promising to call her, before excusing himself to her and drop back on the barstool beside you.

You liked it that way. He was free to go. As were you. He was your buddy. Your parnter in crime. That was the way it was.

You were just frustrated with yourself the last couple of months.

You could look at a man or a woman and be like: jeez, you are pretty. Look at that adorable face!

You would walk up there, talk to them. Now... that wasnt the hard part. The hard part came after that.

When you talked to someone, wether it be a beautifull quirky women or a handsome kind lad... there always came that moment that they would give a 'certain' comment. Or a glance up and down. Or let their hands wander little bit... and the magic would be gone for you.

Totally gone. Your mind would just go: 'nope'. You would find their smile attractive. But when everyone else's knees would give up at their bedroom eyes they gave you, and them saying something like: "you look like i could eat ya, wanna get out of here?" you would just feel nothing. Besides of getting noxious at the idea of them looking at you that way...

.......

Dewey noticed you getting more silent as you internly struggled with this a while. After 'just' men, you started some online research and tried something new. There was a period u had labeled youself as bisexual. But the label just didn't fit right. You tried the word: 'lesbian' for a month or 3.

Dewey had again proven to be an actual legend, after you told him you might not be straight. He was so pumped for you, buzzing with excitement and acceptance when you told him. He bounced up and down on the couch and offered to go to gay-bars together. You even had to keep him from hanging the actual rainbow-flag out of the window, to support you. Dewey suspected you had just been a late bloomer, so he was more then excited when you seemed to make some steps into the date-world, and wanted to make sure he helped you out were he could.

But that wasnt it either. Being bisexual or lesbian was not what made you you as well.

You had been desperately looking for a label to fit you but you couldn't quite put your finger on it.

........

Dewey would notice your online research by accident. He got up from his jamming session at the couch and ruffled a hand tiredly throw his brown locks. You was on a date. With... amy? Agnes? He couldnt quite remember. He chuckled, while opening your computer, hoping you'd been having fun.

He was looking on an article about ACDC he came across a while ago, when the google question popped up in the browser history. He frowed, but clicked anyway. "I dont feel sexual attraction towards people. What's wrong with me?"

A pang of guilt creeped through his chest. Did he totally miss all that? Y/n had fun with people in bars right? She was on a date right this moment... with... Anne, or whats her name again?

Dewey poundered, he would always see you laughing and having fun while chatting to strangers. 'God... you was so likeable it was super-easy for you to make new friends.' But after he put some more thought to it, he couldnt quite remember the last time y/n talked about having a crush. Or kissing someone. She didnt even talked about her date today enough for him to be able to remember her name. He felt a bit sad about it but Dewey had to find out what you were feeling, so he clicked through the rest of the history page.

.......

You actually tried to kiss Alma today, you'd been seeing her for a while... You two had a lot in common and you liked the way she practically buzzed with excitement when she talked about mountainbiking, smiling as she did so.

'it only seemed like the right thing to do' you forced yourself to think that... 'Alma deserved that much, right? She'd been so kind to me...'

After your date Alma reached out to softly grab you by your hip, pulling you towards her. 'Well... here goes nothing...' you thought as she brought her mouth closer to you.

But right when your lips were about to meet, it felt wrong. A panic rose in your chest and before you knew what happened you turned your head slightly and kissed her cheeck. You was infuriated with yourself. 'How could you! After date #3. Were you mad? What was wrong with you?!'

The girl in question seemed just as baffled as you. She smiled a sad smile to you, before giving you a side-hug and catching her train to go home.

You sighed, dropped your shoulders as you slumped home. 'Side-hugs are not good. They're not 'relationship-material', you fool." You wanted so bad to be 'normal...'

.......

By the time you was done walking home you reached a new low-piont in your self-esteem. Thats when you noticed u had a missed call. Dewey. You sighed. He had been SO happy for you to be dating. Enthausiastically helping you with your outfit and even what kind of perfume you should wear. You were not only a dissapiontment for yourself... but for Dewey as well.

You quickly wiped away a tear. Damn this. Damn this shit. Damn this day. You just didnt felt it. Again.

All you wanted to do was to jump into a hot shower, eat some pizza on the couch and lounge on the couch, revel in the safe comfort of Dewey.

You were not dissapionted by the smell of your favorite pizza already stalking towards you on the way to your front door. You smiled a bit at that.

Dewey had seen you crying through the window of your apartment and already planned to do something special for you, since you had such a hard time lately and he had been too oblivious too see it. So he decided to make you your favorite pizza, and just be there for you when your date didnt worked out.

You opened the door and was greeted by a dancing Dewey in his boxershorts and old band t-shirt. He was smiling at you while hopping of the cough while The Pretender of the Foo Fighters blasted through your appartement. He headbanged towards the speakers and you managed to get out a small snort. Your neighbours had to hate you guys.

Wiping your nose you tried to smile at him. But failed miserably. You stood in the middle of the living room feeling small and stupid. Your lip was quivering and you wanted to wipe the tear away that was spilling down your cheeck.

All in that moment Dewey was by your side, wiping away the tear that you inteded to brush away yourself.

You smiled sadly at him, through your tears and sobs. And you heard him mumble your name while pulling you into his arms. "Its okay love. You're okay. Im so proud of you." He started petting your head softly with his calloused fingers and holding you close. He knew this was a big step for you, and didnt asked any questions about your breakdown. Or date. He wanted you to tell him when you were ready. Untill then there were no words needed.

You got out of his loving embrace when you heard something beeping in the distance. "Dew! The pizza!" You smacked his arm and while muttering a "fuck" under his breath, he took a dive towards the oven.

He smiled a lopsided smile to you while striking a ridiculous pose, using the towel in his hands as a cape. He sing song: "i am the pizza heroooooo and i present you your favorite pizza, mylady...." You couldnt help but cackle at that. "Your a weirdo Dew... but thanx pizza-king."

.......

You two ate on the couch after you took a shower and dressed in your favorite sweats.

After Dewey had put away the dishes he dropped on the couch with you and grabbed his guitar. You went to lie with your head on his lap while he was tuning the strings. You listened to him fumbling with some wires and relaxed at the familiar sound and the rise of his chest above you. He played some chords untill there was a rythem in them and you felt your clouded mind become clearer.

You were relaxing against him when you heard him mumble your name... "hey y/n, wanna hear anything particular?" You shaked your head no.

He hummed in response, playing the tune of your favorite song anyway.

Dewey softly started singing:

"And i don't want the world to see me.

Cause i don't think that they'll understand.

When everything is made to be broken.

I just want you to know who i am...."

You felt the tears behind your eyes prickling. With a soft poke in his chest you whispered with all the courage you had left: "...Dew... Dewey..."

"Hmmm...sweetheart, whats up?" He replied softly.

You sighed, rubbing your hand against your forehead, gathering some more courage. You muttered: "I ehm.... I think I need to tell you something Dew..."

He went to put his guitar away. Shifting slightly so you was lying with your head on his lap, and he could look you right in the eye from how he was sitting. He grabbed your hand ,that out of stress had been clutching your own sweater, and placed his hand around yours. Squeezing lightly in encouragement. He smiled at you. It was an understanding smile, full of love and patience. You could cry at that alone. But swallowed your tears away, there had been anough crying today you decided.

Dewey saw you swallow hard and brought your clutched hands to his mouth and kissed them. "You can tell me anyting babe. You know that right?" You hummed in response.

Knowing you could trust him but also feeling incredibly scared and anxious... you stuttered: "Dew... i think... there is a reason i dont... i think i might be..." he squeezed your hand one more time.

You took that as an encouragement and mumbled the words that were nagging you for the past few months, your nerves barely made your voice louder then a whisper: "I think... ehm... I might be asexual Dewey..."

You felt like you could throw up. Or cry. Or both. You actually were about to bolt and do just that, untill you heard a familiar voice bringing u back to the present moment.

"... y/n... love... youknow..."

You coulndnt even hear full scentences of what Dewey was saying. His voice fading away, your nerves making it hard to fucus. He noticed your absence and your shallowing breathing, your breaths becoming faster and shorter with each one you took in. You couldnt even look at him while saying that. You were a pathetic coward... and now he would finally see you for the freak and the outcast you were. He would be disgusted and think you were a robot and leave you... You took another shaking breath...

A feeling brought you out of your shallow breathing. You noticed familliar calloused fingers glide through your hair. Combing through it and massaging your scalp softly. A smile appeared on your face, his movement was slowly getting the darkness outof your head. Finally you dared to look up towards Dewey. He was softly humming to you. His voice always calmed you, definetly right in this moment. His humming grounded you, while he was softly playing with your hair. You felt his other thumb circle softly on your hand he was still holding.

He smiled a soft smile at you, whisperening: "Hey... your back with me princess?" You nodded slowly. Tears spilling on your cheeks once again. "y/n, sweetheart, i love you the way you are. Always did, and always will. You are you. And if that is being asexual, then that's totally okay and i will be here for you. Every step of the way. Im so proud of you..."

He wiped away your tears, and while you choked out a "thank you Dewey", he kissed you on your forehead.

"Im so proud of you coming to terms with yourself. You dont have to do anything you dont want, okay? Dont ever feel obligated to date anyone just to feel 'normal'. You are you, y/n. And you are enough."

You smiled at that and yawned. The emotions of today suddenly making you very tired. "Dew..." you mumbled sleepy.

"Yeah...?"

"You may do the head-massage more often... it feels nice"

He chuckled at that, pinching your nose playfully. "Thats a deal... now off to bed with you, miss platonic."

You chuckled sleepily. Admire-ing his bad jokes even at this time and moment.

"Thanx Dewey..."

"Anytime babe..." he awnsered.

You stood up, your head and body suddenly heavy with sleep. Your mind drifted for a moment, but came back to the presence of Dewey sofly poking your side. You giggled, he knew you were ticklish there, and you swatted his hand away when he tried to do it a second time. He chuckled at that, glad he made you laugh again.

You looked at the floor. Anxiety bubbling in your chest at the nagging question in your head. Could you ask him this? After all that just happened? Would he still take you serious if you did? It wasn't sexual but still as intimate as you could be, and you didn't want to seem like you weren't serious. Since... well... people... sometimes mistook cuddles for sex. You still felt anxcious and conflicted, but didn't want to sleep alone. You took a big breath, looking a bit tired and sleepy up at him. Heart thumping nervously in your chest as your hands started to sweat. You glanced at his face and when you saw a half smile creeping up his face you knew you could ask him anything.

"Dew.... would you..." you had to stop because a yawn was bugging you. You continued after wiping your face sleepily, still anxious: "would you mind sleeping with me tonight? I... just... really dont wanna be alone right now. I need some cuddles." You confessed, biting your lip as you waited for his response. Anxiety slowly spreading in your chest as you waited at his awnser.

Instead of awnsering with words Dewey got up from the couch and pulled you into a big hug, once again petting your hair while holding you tight. You sighed and felt the tension leaving your body as he held you. "Of course..." he mumbled sofly in the crook of your neck. You took a big breath through your nose, nerves calming as you were surrounded by the familiar smell of Dewey. A familiar smell of tea-tree-oil, a bit of sweat and a hint of pizza from your dinner. His body was warm and his stubble tickled your neck as he held you close. You felt safe in his arms, and less troubled. Your mind cleared with every breath you felt him take in as the two stood there together. His hands seemed to wipe every anxious, stressed thought you had away. His calloused fingers still combing trough your hair affectionately. You sighed back at him, relaxed by his caring touch: "Thanx Dew...."

......

When you lay in your bed, later that night you fell asleep quite quickly. You knew you wouldnt be alone. Dewey snored a little in his sleep, and you couldnt help but smile. Feeling safe in his strong arms as he hugged you in his sleep, you felt his calm breath on your neck. The last thing you thought before drifting off was: 'Its gonna be fine. Im gonna be okay. Dewey is with me. Whatever i happen to like or not like, feel or not feel...

Dewey is here. Right by my side.'

Tagging: @paxenera @heknowshisherbs @hoodoo12 @large-unit @little-miss-shy-goth @thats-specific @vicunaburger @ironmansuucks @bugdrinkss @go-commander-kim @stranger-strings

[beardbot]

As pride month comes to an end, I wanted to post a thing. Please forgive the large amount of text in the thing! Also I tried to throw in a picture!!

So, I usually don't talk about sexuality or relationships. This is partially because I'm just reserved (and fine, a bit prudish too), partially because I've only recently figured out myself, and partially because I feel like I don't need these spaces as much as other people, and it's selfish to claim them.

On that last point, my own identities are more quietly invisible, and less under direct attack, than others. Asexuality is dismissed and erased, but people believing it isn't a real thing is not as damaging as actual physical harm or denial of human rights. It's "weird" but it's not seen as violating anyone's religion or "family values" or lifestyle, or whatever else is used to justify violence and bigotry against others. (Unless you count men who are offended you don't want to be Graced with the Royal Penis after getting an unsolicited dick pic.) Bi- and pansexuality are more dramatically erased, and with additional risks, but at least I'm placed under the umbrella of "has a serious boyfriend." Either way, I've either been pushed out of communities or simply felt like I didn't need them. The latter 90% of the time.

Regardless, here I am going on about it anyway! Placing my flag on pride month. My identity, what I joke about being my "alphabet soup version," is panromantic demisexual. If that sounds confusing to you, don't worry, I get it. I grew up in Florida 😂 seriously though, I didn't settle on this until graduate school. Once I even did figure it out, I didn't label it until later. Most of the time, my identity is bisexual when I don't want to argue about asexuality, and asexual when I don't want to argue about bisexuality. But I want to just be more open about it.

Panromantic demisexual. Panromantic meaning romantically attracted to anyone across sex and gender (not just men, or women, or exclusively men and women). Basically "bisexual" but with romantic attraction, and without a strict binary of men and women. Demisexual meaning only sexually attracted after being emotionally involved first, for me usually romantically attracted. Basically "not into one-night stands" you could say. I guess first you need to accept that romantic and sexual attraction are two separate things, which I was not even conscious of for the longest time. Shout out to terrible sex education! 👌

I grew up confused when lumping these two things together - having crushes and wanting to date people, but simultaneously being repulsed by the idea of sexual intimacy with them (or anyone), at least for a long time. Thinking I was broken, or indecisive, or unstable. But alas! Two separate things.

The easiest example is being sexually attracted to someone, but not romantically (you don't want to date them, have emotional intimacy, etc.) "Hit it and quit it" 😂 so then, why is it so difficult the other way around? It sounds so bizarre to other people, the idea that you can be romantically attracted to someone, but not sexually. That you maybe want to hold hands and cuddle and go on cute dates with someone, but that's not a ticket to ride on (no pun intended) the Train to Bang Town. But maybe you can think of examples yourself. Maybe you had a *very* close friend, whom you spent all of your time with, whom you shared all of your secrets with, who was the first person you thought of when anything important happened to you, but NO HOMO I'M NOT GAY LIKE THAT we're just close friends. Maybe you have crushes on men and women but you only want to sleep with women. All normal! TWO SEPARATE THINGS! They can be aligned but still two separate things.

I first identified as asexual. Nope, I'm just not into anyone in that way. Even celebrity crushes, I wanted to do things like walk through parks, hang out and eat ice cream, read them poems (emo kids unite?), a number things, but none of them sexual in nature. Later on, I would date boys, but either dump them or be dumped pretty early on ("prudes" unite). Something was "off," different. I felt different. Different from what I saw in TV and movies, heard in music, in conversations of other people my age. Still, I vividly remember the day I realized what people ACTUALLY mean when they say someone is "hot." (I was too old and too naive to not know, but my brain just didn't think that way.) Not just aesthetically pleasing. The older I got, the more I felt like an alien. Probably sounded like one. "Ah, yes, his face is indeed aesthetically pleasing." ... "Take me to your leader!"

You could call me a "late bloomer," but it's not even just that. Late introspector? Late learner? Yes, I eventually did go "farther" with partners, and have lovely relationships with people who are patient and put up with me. But I still wouldn't call myself "bloomed." I'm still different from most other people. And I'm proud to not be labeling myself with things that don't reflect me.

Going back to my own development. So, I settled on "ace" and anonymously joined forums and such. It felt right... but only for a time. Eventually I felt a little different from that too. I talked with people who were aromantic, and people who were sex-repulsed. Wait a minute, is that me too? No, I dont quite feel that way. Well, what the f-

Flash forward, I finally settled on "demisexual." Okay, I'm kinda asexual, but also kinda in my sexy feelings for someone after bonding and feeling emotionally safe with them. I want to be more than friends. Maybe try out some other things, but only with you. Today I feel like demisexual is the best fit. Maybe "gray" too but I think emotional closeness is the key for me.

But wait, do I like girls too? Or do I even care what sex or gender they are? Yes, I've had intense crushes on many girls. If you want to stick with socialized norms, I liked feminine girls, and masculine girls. Eventually I liked one woman, who later identified as a man, after having his own journey through gender and sexuality (which I think is especially hard in bible-belt Jacksonville). I still thought he was cute and smart and funny.

No, I don't really care about sex or gender - I just care that you like dogs and 90s music and video games like me. Neat!

I dont really know how to end this. I'll just say, I do consider myself a member of the LGBTQIA community, in which my B stands for bisexual (but actually panromantic) and my A stands for asexual (but actually the asexuality spectrum). I'm overjoyed to see more openness and acceptance in my lifetime, and I hope that continues for kids growing up now, who may be "confused" or "indecisive" - and maybe they will not have to wait until after college to figure it out. Nuance is important in something this complex and... well, nuanced.

Thank you to anyone who read this until the bitter end!

[grayisholi]

i"M SO SORRY I DIDN'T SEE THIS EARLIER BUT NOW I'M SO HECKIN EXCITED YEEEEET DND ASKS!! :DDD I'm unsure tho whether to get to know your other characters or asking for Faen and Adrian who I love already ahHHhHHH. But I must admit... Bite.... and Puddles.... just their names, I mean... I need to know 25 for them??? XD For Faen + Adrian: 5, 6, 7, 8, 13, 22? Sorry if that's too many!!!

HECK MATT I MEANT FOR YOU TO REBLOG IT SO I CAN ASK THINGS ABOUT KOVARIS but thank you you sweetheart!!!

25. Give a condensed back story! 

Bite is a scrappy lil Kenku who takes no shit. His clan lived in the forest just on the outskirts of the city of Gldcrest and when he came of age, they frequently sent him out on scouting or theft missions. Upon entering the city for the first time, he saw the horrific amount of injustice everywhere. The tyrannical rule the people were forced to live under. And he decided “Nope. Nu-uh. Not anymore”. And thus began his journey into the underground group of rebels known as the Gutter Rats, which he one day came to lead in storming the castle and freeing the people of Goldcrest for good. 

Puddles is a water genasi bard who, to be honest, despite everything just wants to play music and have a good time, but the world seems to have other plans for him. He was born to a human family, who were shocked and apalled at his blue skin (in this world non-human peoples are seen as lesser and are oppressed and often used for slave labour). They abandoned him, leaving him to fend for himself, which he did quite easily. He was excellent at making friends, and quickly found a place for himself in the Bard’s guild of London. And when, some years later he was picked off the street by a noble family of slavers? He kicked their ass and freed everyone else they’d lifted that day. No one puts Puddles in chains. (In truth I made him up on the fly when my party wanted to ask around the tavern for information and they all kinda fell in love with him, so now he has a character sheet and everything)

5. What is their best stat?

For Faen, it’s dex from climbing trees and darting across rivers for most his life. For Adrian? Of course it’s charisma. 

6. What is their worst stat?

Well, Faen has a solid 8 in intelligence, so... He’s my idiot son and I love him. And when I first made Adrian, I rolled terribly and he ended up with a 4 in strength... I slowly tried to build it up as he levelled up, so now he’s on a solid 8 XD

7. How old are they?

Faen looks in his late teens or early twenties? But in truth, he has absolutely no idea. Adrian was 22 at the beginning of his campaign, and he’s 25 now. 

8. What is their gender and sexuality?

Faen is a cis man, and doesn’t really have an identity in terms of sexuality? If you wanted to put a label on it he’d probably be asexual and maybe bi or pan romantic? But he just doesn’t think like that. He ended up with one of the tiefling siblings who rescued him by the end of the campaign tho. Adrian is very, very bisexual. If the bi flag had existed in 634 AD, he’d probably be the guy who painted it on everything he owned. He’s also a trans man, who used magic to transition about a year prior to the campaign. 

13. What is the most heroic act they’ve ever done?

Faen walks the line between heroic and stupid an awful lot. He once threw himself headlong at a beholder, swinging his quarterstaff at it when he was level 3, which was so unbelievably stupid, but he did manage to roll really well on intimidation and get the thing to flee. After he took 25 points of damage, leaving him with one HP. But hey, the townsfolk thanked him and threw a celebration in his honour, so it must’ve paid off. Adrian, on the other hand, isn’t what someone would call heroic. He tries to help others, but not by putting his own neck on the line. The one exception was when his little brother (who I didn’t write into his background, but my DM decided to include for the drama) was taken by a gang of thieves, explicitly trying to get back at Adrian for screwing up one of their operations. The party was standing, talking, trying to come up with a plan, while Adrian waltzed right in, cast a 6th level thunderwave, and went crazy with his rapier on the entire gang to rescue his little brother. He almost died, but hey, that’s half the fun, right?

22. What do they do in their down time?

Faen goes walking. He loves the feeling of the sun, or the moon, on his face, and feels at peace in nature, so when he’s not trying to battle the slave trade in Redwater, he’s exploring in the surrounding forests, maybe with a particularly cute tiefling boy alongside him. Adrian is a bit of a wild card, usually if he has nothing to do he’ll hit the nearest tavern, play some music, try to woo somebody who catches his eye, drink and be merry. But if he’s too tired even for that, he takes to reading (usually trashy romance even if he’d never admit it), composing music or even drawing, although he doesn’t think he’s very good. 

[illgiveyouahint]

It's 2AM where I am and I'm tired but I think I should write this to put an end of it all, and maybe see what you think or how you interpret it. When I was 12 I had a crush on two boys (fun fact they were best friends, than all through high school I didn't really crush on anyone (I think I must have been 16 when I got my first celebrity crush which was sexual - Jensen Ackles if you must know). Around 17 I developed a crush on a girl (emotionally), and someone who who became a friend of mine 1/?

was 21-22 I was overseas and I met this guy one night and he seemed quite handsome and into the things that I was into, so I kind of was attracted to him and my friend was like he's totally into you after we left, but before I could get to him he was gone! Then earlier this year I met a girl who I knew from school (different one) and I'm not sure but I think I am into her but we live in different cities so it'd be kind of hard, but what I'm saying is I think I kind of find tinder/bumble hard.

I've never have been attracted to random people e.g. there was this guy crazy girl at school (think Vilde but instead minus all the good things about her), and I remember one time she was trying to set me up with someone a few times and it was really annoying because I don't get why or how people can do that? As in be attracted to someone on a first basis. I mean there are people I see on the street and I think they're handsome or beautiful but idk I feel like I have to get a vibe first.

I'm not sure what it is, and sometimes I just wonder what it is. I like to say I like the wine and not the label as I think that fits me the best. (and also irl speaking I am very particular about the type of wine I like). I feel like I can't just hook up with someone based on how they look (or maybe I can, I just have very very high standards). Eitherway my identity in that regard has always been very ambigious, and it's never helped I guess that I've never been in a relationiship which I might add I have been shamed for twice now in my experience e.g. someone asking me if I lost my virginiity and than saying that I don't seem like someone who has their virginity (that was a guy btw) and then some girl who I thought was my friend saying I am 'pure'. I could go on a rant about that but that just seems off topic for now. All I am saying is that it's been 6 years since I've felt not straight but not gay, bi, queer or whatever and I'm okay wiith that but sometimes it'd label on it..I met someone who says their a certain sexuality, and all I can think is that good for them ❤️ .

Oh anon,

I feel for you. Sexuality (and gender) is so confusing sometimes. I didn't realise my sexuality until I was like 23. And now I'm the president of a queer association. who would have thought, huh?

I would tell you to take a deep breath and relax but I know from my experience that doesn't always work. Sometimes you really wanna have a clear answer and it's just so frustrating when you don't have it. And when you add asexuality/aromanticism to the mix it's just a whole mess. I am confident in my bi identity but I also sometimes wonder if I perhaps lie somewhere on the aro/ace spectrum. I also don't have much experience to sort of prove it one way or the other. what I've learned is to just try to let go of those ideas and labels and all of that pressure that other people put on you. Because these labels, these identities - they're created to help you. If none of them fit you, none of them feel right then they don't help you. You don't have to use them. I know plenty of people who I know fall somewhere in the rainbow family but they don't label it. They just know they're not allo/cis/het and leave it at that. I also know people who have pretty much tried every single letter in LGBTQIA+ alphabet. It's okay to not be sure. It's okay to try different labels to see if they feel right and it's also okay to not have labels. You can just say you're not straight and leave it at that. You also don't have to talk about it. Or do talk about it. It's entirely up to YOU and how you wanna approach it. Fuck everyone else you know. Also, virginity as a concept is such bullshit and I can't wait till we as a society decide to get rid of that.

Also you not wanting to bang a random person? wanting a connection first? Trust me that's actually quite common and normal (what is normal? normal doesn't exist. anyway). Don't think that what you see on tv is how it is in real life. There are countless people in their 20s who haven't had a relationship. There's countless who didn't have sex at any stage in life really. This emphasis on sex and relationships...as if that was the only way to have a meaningful life. It isn't. 

So you know I'm very much a proponent of hey if it happens it happens (with any gender for you), if not the world doesn't end. Create meaningful relationships with people around you because despite what the media tells you the world doesn't circle around romantic relationships as much as you'd think.

Sorry idk if any of this is helpful and I might be projecting bit too much into you since my experience is quite similar to yours but I hope at least some of it helps and if not then forget I ever said anything 😅