#like it just went from a nice simple ask to literally thinking pointing out i'm using my persona as a reader gets the point across

[emelinstriker]

Ugh god I'm sorry, I was the anon who asked the original question about the toy marks just cause I was curious, I didn't mean to start a whole garbage fire with the Nezha discourse (I'm not any of those three anons though). I hope things cool down now and people who don't wanna see this stuff can just block and move on. I personally love the ESAU so please keep feeding us this good art and writing!

Aah- dw about it- Out of the three anons, your message was the most respectful one and also like the only one that didn't throw random ass accusations into the room, which was nice.^^

That was actually the reason why I didn't wanna respond right away cuz I was like "Nah, they were respectful. They deserve a respectful answer back." And my brain was too scrambled that night to answer. :D

Then I went to bed and apparently 1 hour after your ask, someone else sent that 2nd one that REALLY got into nitpick territory real quick- So I was lowkey thinking you looked through my stuff more in that time and then came back to pick away fhgndfhgfd Like I woke up to the 2nd ask and went like "Oh well, guess that escalated quickly". fhfnghhnfdg

Also I have no idea where tf the other two anons came from if you were only the first one- 3rd one probably got reeled in by reading through little mini rants I left about the 2nd one. But 2nd one's timing was questionable-

I'm still confused about the content warning part about 2nd anon tho- Like- Literally the only thing I CAN put a content warning on is just the fanfics and maybe a few lore info/art posts containing a bit of violence or gore- But like how tf is that supposed to stop them from finding my content if they were specifically disgusted by the ESAU concept of branding on that one- Like why would you specifically need to tag branding- I don't understand this logic I-

[fanficsformyfaves]

The Town Grouch

Luke Danes x Reader

WARNING: SMUT 18+, Enemies To Lovers Trope, Unprotected Sex (Wrap it up, this is fiction, you are not!), Oral Sex (R Receiving)

PREFACE: Reader's the usually cheery neighbor that gets into a screaming match with Luke over him being exceptionally rude to her one morning

A/N: Possibly the daddiest of all my fictional crushes

I was out grabbing my mail, when I cross paths with none other than 'The Town Grouch', Luke Danes, who was throwing his trash, whilst kicking the receptacle.

"What'd the can ever do to you?", I chuckled.

Locking up my mailbox.

"Don't start with me, (Y/L/N)"

"Hey"

"I don't have time for your hounding today"

"I was not 'hounding'. I simply asked what grudge you had against the innocent trashcan"

"How do you know it's innocent?"

"It's an inanimate object with no limbs to commit any sinister crimes with"

"Yeah yeah yeah, defend the trash against me"

"What is with you today?!"

"What the hell are those?!", he yelled,

Gesturing at the new daisy pots that decorated the outside of his diner.

"Daisies, what about 'em?"

"I know what they are, genius!", he yelled,

"Luke-"

"I'm asking; Why are they there?! They're turning the outside of my diner into an eyesore!"

"The daises are an eyesore element now?"

"Yes!"

"Then why are you yelling at me for?!"

"Oh, come on, you're the only person I know who would do this besides Lorelai and she's out of town with Rory"

"Well, yeah I did do this, but I don't get why you're so wound up about it!"

"I like my diner the way it is! Inside and Out! How my dad left it!"

"It was literally a hardware store!"

"That's besides the point! It was my dad and I decide what goes!"

"Alright, I'm sorry! I just thought it would be a nice gesture-"

"Save it", he cuts off.

Storming back towards the diner's door.

"Luke!", I yelled after him.

Once I realized he wasn't stopping, I ran after him.

"Luke!"

"Jess, you're in charge for the rest of the day"

"But-"

"No buts!", he screamed.

I sped walked past all the shocked tables, calling out for him.

"Luke, I'm not through with you!", I shout.

Running up the stairs behind him.

"I am", he grumbled.

Just as he was about to unlock his door, I yelled after him for a final time.

"Listen, you stubborn asshole!"

His head snaps back at my direction.

"What did you just call me?", he questioned.

Making his way back to me.

"You heard me! A stubborn asshole for acting like one!"

"Now, you listen to me-"

"NO! YOU WILL LISTEN TO ME!", I poke his shoulder.

Catching him off guard.

He'd never seen me so heated before as I had a certain reputation for being level-headed and easy going.

"I wanted to do something nice for you since I thought we were friends, but I guess we aren't!"

"Yeah, we aren't"

"Obviously not cause if we were, I'd get a simple thank you or a smile or nod or whatever people like you, who think they're above socializing, do! Sorry for thinking anything more of 'The Town Grouch'!"

"Town Grouch, huh?", he challenged,

"Yes, 'The Town Grouch'! The one everyone warned me about when I first moved here, but of course, I decided to give you a chance cause I liked you, but God, turns out they were right! You're just this mean old bitter-"

I was suddenly cut off by Luke grabbing me by the waist and crashing his lips against mine.

In what felt like a blink of an eye, all my anger melted away and I found my arms wrapping themselves around his neck. I went from a raging whirlwind to a melting puddle in his grasp.

The kiss was...good, which was the craziest part of all of this.

Eventually I pulled away and all I could see where his once baby blue eyes turn dark. He then throws me around his waist, carrying me into his apartment, before using my body to slam the door shut. I threw my head back at the impact giving him access to my neck, which he proceeded to mark with several hickeys.

"You are insufferable", he mumbled against my skin.

Grinding into my clothed core.

"Right back at you", I sighed.

Pushing off the stupid cap he always sports.

He pulls my shirt over my head and quickly unhooks my bra, leaving my buds to harden against the cold winter draft.

"But you're worth the hassle", he sighs.

Diving between my breasts, before giving each one equal amounts of attention with his tongue. I was growing wetter with each passing second.

We eventually make it to his bed, where he threw me down. I go to take my skirt off, when he grabs my wrists to stop me.

"Skirt stays on", he demanded.

Taking my underwear off instead.

He takes a good look at my drenched slit and gets up, as I undo his belt, pulling his jeans down along with his boxers. His aching member now standing at full attention.

He strips off his shirt and climbs back on top of me, kissing his way up as he did till our mouths met once more. He reaches down for his cock, spreading my slick, before thrusting into me one go, ripping a scream out of me.

His hand then quickly goes over my mouth.

"There's a room full of people downstairs. Wouldn't want them to know what we're up to, do we?", he chuckled over his groans.

Beginning to pick up a rhythm with his hips. As if the bed scraping against the floor from the sheer force wasn't much of a giveaway already.

Maybe it was the size difference, but I didn't expect him to be this big. It felt like I was being split apart, but in the most delicious way.

"Fuck, don't stop!", I whined,

Earning a chuckle from Luke.

"Wasn't planning on it, sweetheart"

His pace picks up and with each ram, his tip hit my g-spot repeatedly, bringing me closer and closer to my climax. I watch as his free arm snakes under my body to help him pound into me even harder and faster.

If you had told me three years ago that I'd be in this position right now, no pun intended, I would've called you crazy, psychotic even, but in this moment, anyone else's opinion couldn't have been further from my mind, as it was currently being overrun with the blinding pleasure that was setting my skin on fire.

I knew I didn't have long and his hand reaching down to rub my sensitive bundle nerves didn't help.

"You're close, I can feel it. Do it,", he moaned against my tear stained cheeks.

And with that final sentence, I came completely undone, screaming out into the air and surely disturbing any paying customers downstairs.

Not too long after, his rhythm falters and he comes, painting my insides with a roaring groan against my neck. He then drops atop me, grounding me from the overwhelming high.

"That was-"

"Yeah", I answered,

"We just-"

"Mhm"

He then pulls out, descending lower to lick up the mess we made. I whine, grasping at his hair.

After thoroughly eating me out, he scoops me into his arms, laying me on his chest. The silence, though wildly contrasting from our previous performance, was actually quite...nice. Almost sweet and familiar.

"I'm sorry about getting so worked up"

"Don't be. I should've asked"

"Still, it was unfair. You were just trying to help and I was being a stubborn asshole"

"Gasp! He admits defeat!", I quipped,

"Don't push it"

"Okay", I laughed,

"Well, if getting you worked up lands us right back here, maybe I should piss you off more often"

He shrugs.

"Not a bad place to be, I guess", he smiled.

Till this point, I'd never seen him smile.

[homicidal-sheep]

I will defend Eurylochus to my dying breath because what the fuck yall, he is not the malicious monster people are making him out to be?? Like these characters are so morally grey its not even funny.

I love Ody with all my heart but the man did fuck up. He is human, and a plaything of the Gods, which is a very dangerous position to be in at the best of times.

I've seen people saying Eury has no moral high ground on the Scylla thing because he wanted to leave all the men at Circe's. Now firstly, I highly doubt a simple scouting mission would include all the men (see Cyclops saga, when only a fraction went). So they would be running to save what men remained, not ditching the entire army. Secondly, what exactly did you want them to do when facing Circe? They didn't know Hermes was there. All they knew was there was a magic lady who could turn people into pigs. So what, were they gonna ask really really nicely? Somehow I highly doubt that would work. Without the Gods intervention, I just don't see them winning. Eury was cutting their losses because from his POV, there was quite literally nothing they could do for the men. Best case scenario they snuck the men/pigs out and, idk, kept them as pets??

As for the wind bag, yeah it was a really dumb decision. But Ody is the one who decided not to trust his men, especially Eury. Ody has already given up on the crew, and they likely feel that distrust. Why should they put their blind faith in a man who refuses to clue them in? Why should they believe that he has whats best for them in their hearts? Ody's own guilt caused him to embrace an ideology that got a bunch of them killed. (remember when he said the only one who's lines he hasn't crossed were his own?) And we can see some of this growing resentment in Perimedes cut song. We as viewers have context the men simply do not.

Sidenote, people say Eury would have gotten them lotus'd. Yeah maybe. or maybe Ody would have recognized the fruit before they ate it, like he did with Polites. We cannot know.

The other point I keep seeing, that I find absolutely baffling is "well they deserved to die for mutinying, they should have listened to their king and captain" I'm sorry when did we all become monarchists. Kings and captains can absolutely make bad decisions? We should not blindly trust authority?? Yeah Eury kept questioning the captain. He was second in command and the voice of the crew, not only is he voicing their discontent, I'd argue that a good king should have someone who is willing to disagree with them. While Ody is right, that in the middle of a dire situation isn't great, and it would have been better to address those issues in private, they are very legitimate worries. If your captain has admitted he would burn the world to see his son and wife, I think being a little worried is absolutely fair.

The Gods keep appearing and helping Ody but they are also incredibly dangerous beings who constantly play with the lives of mortals.

On to the cow thing. Ya it was fucking dumb. But I can understand why. The man is fucking tired. They don't see a way out and at that point, starving to death slowly, so desperately afraid, probably sounded like a terrifying fate. Better to get it over with.

And he still cares! Ody is his literal brother in law. They bandaged his wounds when they could have idk, sacrificed him to Posideon or something. What Ody did to them was 100% betrayal and I understand why they mutinied, with what information they had. For petes sake he kept singing "I need to get home", I, not we.

Again, I love Ody, but good lord, the man is the definition of an unreliable narrator. Let them all be complicated, tragic characters without labeling them as cookie cutter good guys and bad guys.

[rumble-aint-a-rumble-without-me]

Hey! Love your work and was wondering if you could do one where the reader is a really good cook/baker!

A/N: Hey there! I'm so glad you like my work :D I really hope you enjoy this one too!

DARRY CURTIS

He swore he couldn’t love you any more than he already did but then you went and started cooking for the boys and Darry found out just how wrong he was

It’s so nice to have someone else who can cook and who Darry can trust alone in the kitchen, he knows you’re not gonna start a fire or something

You’re the one cooking dinner now most of the time, simply because the boys like eating your cooking the best

Darry will cook for you sometimes! Especially if you’ve had a bad week or it’s a big milestone in your relationship, blah blah blah, Darry has a thing for taking care of his partners, and that comes out in the form of food

King of hyping up your cooking, especially your chocolate cakes! You’re the only one that can bake a chocolate cake and get Darry to admit that yours tastes better than his cake does 

Also also also, he asks you to pack him lunches sometimes so that he can take it to work with him and just kind of have a little part of you there with him <3 I highly suggest dropping a little handwritten note into his lunchbox, but y’know, that’s just me talking

SODAPOP CURTIS

Don’t tell Darry, but he likes when you cook or bake for him more than when his brother does, Sodapop thinks it just tastes better

*Insert a joke about how Sodapop likes to claim it’s because you make your stuff with love and Darry doesn’t but we all know that’s nonsense*

I kid you not, Sodapop is a bottomless pit and not a picky eater by any stretch of the imagination, so if you need a taste-tester for some dish you’re trying out, look no further than your pretty boy

Show up to the DX with a packed lunch for the two of you, flirt and giggle before giving it to him, stay with him and eat together in the garage on the hood of some ridiculously Soc car that Steve was supposed to fix later in the day

Nothing says I love you more than sitting on a car and laughing during his lunch break, doing nothing but sitting there and just being together

Plus! Steve will get sort of grumpy and pouty because he wanted to have Sodapop with him for his lunch break but you got there before him and he can’t really be mad because you guys are just too cute but he’ll be funny to watch  

PONYBOY CURTIS

You’re into cooking? Baking? That’s cool, Ponyboy has no problem eating whatever you’re working on and loves to be in the kitchen with him

He’s a menace and likes to sit on the countertops or eat the food before it’s cooked, so maybe it’s not always the best idea to have him there with you, but, y’know, he’s cute so it’s way okay!

The two of you have definitely made a mess of Darry’s kitchen at some point, cookies gone wrong or a mini-flour food fight, so there’s a high chance that you’ve gotten Ponyboy banned from the kitchen

If you bring anything treat-wise for him to school, expect the boys to try and steal some of it, especially Two-Bit, that boy will literally steal anything he can

Hype Man pt. 2, Pony talks about your cooking so much that Darry has probably asked you to just come over and cook dinner one day so that Pony will stop telling him about how you’d cook everything differently

Also, strong opinion that he only knows how to cook very simple meals, scrambled eggs and grilled cheeses and things, and is seriously impressed by when you make things that are like even a fraction of a bit of something better than those

DALLAS WINSTON

If your folks are out and you’re planning on cooking? Please oh please, call up Dally and let him in so he can eat whatever you’re making

He’s not helpful, he eats your food and then doesn’t help with the dishes, I wouldn’t recommend him as a sous chef at all

But! He’s honest and will tell you exactly how he feels about what you’re cooking, which can be a blessing and a curse, just as things usually are with our dear Mr. Winston

If Dally doesn’t like something, he’s gonna bitch about it, but if he likes it, god he’s gonna compliment you and compliment you and compliment you and kiss you so many times as a thank you

No one else is allowed to touch anything you make for him, he threatens to and has bitten and snapped at people who get too close to his plates before, I’m not even lying to you

Also, don’t let him cook because Dally’ll probably end up burning something, solid headcanon that he can barely cook, and he’ll probably end up blaming you for whatever he’s messed up!  

JOHNNY CADE

Hard one, I don’t know exactly how I feel about Johnny with an S/O who’d bake or cook all the time, but I know he’d like it!

You’d probably make an extra lunch for him every so often (every other day or so because you know you love him) and the two of you would eat your lunches together at school

Johnny likes everything you make, he’ll tell you how great everything is and shower you with praise and compliments as he shovels food like he’s some sort of chipmunk

I don’t think he’s picky either? Like, I don’t think he cares very much about picking and choosing when it comes to food, he’d rather just put it in his mouth and go on with his life

But I think Johnny has a favorite thing that you make, I don’t know what exactly, but it’s gonna be something sweet, maybe cookies or brownies

He’s a horrendous cook, okay? Recipe or not, he absolutely sucks and it’s terrible having him in the kitchen with you but he likes to stand with you so I think you should just let him hang out as long as he promises not to touch anything- 

TWO-BIT MATHEWS

You’re helping him babysit his sister? And you’re making dinner? For both of them? And you’re having the time of your life in the kitchen?

Two-Bit thought he was in love with you already, jeez louise, he’s so gone for you and is about to have a meltdown because you’re just standing in his kitchen making dinner for everyone 

He tries to kiss you and almost burns himself on the stove because he’s too busy staring at you he doesn’t realize where he placed his hand and then you’ve got to take a break from cooking to take care of him

Two really does like what you cook though! He’s not picky and he’s open to whatever you want to feed him, I promise! 

Come up to him with a spoonful of mystery and tell him to open his mouth and swallow, Two-Bit will do it immediately, no questions asked whatsoever

He’s a good guy, alright, and he’s got simple thoughts, he just really likes seeing you when you’re cooking, when you’re in your element and I think he’d be a really great pal to have in the grocery store 

STEVE RANDLE

Have I mentioned? That Steve? Is a cheerleader? And likes to hype you up? Because that’s running around and around in my mind

For the love of everything, you better have a chocolate cake recipe memorized because that’s what Steve’s always going to ask you to make, he can’t get enough of your chocolate cakes

You’re gonna have to persuade him to eat anything else, honestly, he’s just so in love with you and the cake, it’s gonna be a challenge 

If you don’t let him in the kitchen with you, Steve’s just gonna whine and pout until you eventually cave and let him in from where he’s been throwing a fit in the doorway

He’s good though, he knows when to keep his hands off, especially when he’s coming from work and covered in grease, he honestly really doesn’t want to help with the cooking anyway

Steve would much rather just watch you and talk, laughing about your days and just be there with you while you cook and bake your little heart out  

TIM SHEPARD

He’s picky with food I have a feeling? Like Tim likes what he likes and that’s what he’s gonna eat, y’know?

Bowl of cereal in the morning, a burger when he goes out to the diner, Tim’s not really into the whole trying-new-things but I have a feeling, if you tried hard enough, you could convince him to try something a little new

Present it to him and smile, bat your eyelashes, say your pretty pleases and beg just a little bit and there’s nothing Tim can do but say yes <3

He’s a good person to cook with! I think he knows what he’s doing enough and likes to cook, so I think it could totally be a bonding thing for you!

The moment you cook dinner for Angela and Curly, Tim knows he’s not gonna let you go anywhere because if you love him to care for his siblings as well, Tim knows you’re definitely a keeper

He likes to come up behind you when you’re cooking and hug you, murmuring into your ear as you throw things together, some compliments and some teasing remarks, but they’re all said with such love it makes things totally cool-

CURLY SHEPARD

This little shit, Curly is head over heels even before you tell him that you like to cook/bake, he’s gonna be long gone when he learns about that

He thinks it’s great, absolutely loves it and absolutely loves you, and wants to hear about everything you’ve ever made

You need a taste tester? Someone to go grocery shopping with you? Someone to talk with while you cook?

Don’t you even worry, baby, Curly is more than happy to spend all day in the kitchen with you while he does no cooking whatsoever, just hangs with you

And, so uh, y’know how cookies and brownies and stuff have that sort of window where you just sort of put them in the oven and wait? Yeah, Curly likes to take advantage of that time period and kiss you senseless

Tell me I’m wrong, you can’t because you know that this boy will take any chance he can get to make out with you, regardless if he runs the risk of burning those cookies to a crisp or not-

[ahgasegotarmy116]

He Doesn't Deserve You | A Jeon Jungkook Series | Chapter Two

Summary: You decide to finally do something for yourself and ease your mind Pairing: Noona reader x Jeon Jungkook (She's 28 and he's 22) Word Count: 3.5k Warnings: Not too much for this chapter in particular besides mentions of domestic violence BUT yändere, manipulation, self harm, cheating, explicit language, smut, angst throughout the rest of the story a/n: Since you guys seem to be really liking this story I worked hard to get chapter two out quickly! Let me know what you think! p.s. Fuck me y'all I literally deleted chapter 2 but luckily I write on wattpad and I was able to restore it. I was literally about to cry Requested by the lovely: @kkusadmirer 💜

We had another fight. 

Honestly I don't even remember what it was about, something stupid like I left the door open after I came in with the groceries and forgot to lock it. Or maybe it was the fact that I actually left the house and got them instead of just ordering them to get dropped off on the doorstep. 

He always tells me it's too dangerous out there or that I should just wait for him to go with me instead. If I did that though we would never have any food here and I'm not about to order takeout for every meal. 

I don't understand why leaving the door open would be such an issue. We live in a relatively nice complex and our neighbors always make sure to look out for me so I don't understand why something as simple as that could set him off. 

But then again it doesn't take much to set him off these days, I guess it was something I should've expected. 

He hasn't been home for two days and at this point I've decided that maybe it's time I went out for the night. Nothing crazy or anything but just, out. 

Putting on yet another turtleneck I make sure that the old and new marks are covered. I've taken it a step further and put some makeup on to make sure that no one will notice. Although I doubt anyone would notice me anyways since I usually fade into the background. 

But tonight isn't about feeling insecure in myself. Tonight is the night where I finally do something on my own and get out of the house. 

Taking out my phone I look up the address for the local pub I've decided to go to, making sure to wear comfortable boots since it's a little ways away. I'm luck that it's winter right now so bundling up is normal, making my outfit even less suspicious. 

Taking a couple of deep breaths I reach for the handle, unlock the door and step outside. 

'Should I really be doing this?' I question but before I'm able to second guess myself I hear our next door neighbor unlock her door as well and step outside her door.

"Oh, y/n. What a pleasant surprise! It's been a while since I've seen your pretty face" she says scanning my features, clearly having heard the fight we had had the other day and making sure that I look okay. 

"Hi Mrs. Mitchell. How have you and Mr. Mitchell been?" I ask, returning her warm greeting but feeling awkward talking to someone that isn't Taehyung or my editor. 

"As well as we could be I suppose. Harry just turned 73 last month so he's been complaining about how old he his and how his knees don't work the way they used to. What can you expect when you get to our age?" she says, chuckling at her husband who is a few years younger than her.

"Seems like no matter how old men get, they still whine and complain whenever they get sick or injured" she continues, clearly trying to lighten my spirits. "I guess so" I say, not daring to bad mouth Taehyung since he's probably already gotten a pretty bad reputation around here with everything we've been through over the past few years. 

Sometimes I'm surprised by the fact that we haven't gotten evicted with all of the noise complaints we've gotten. 

He always makes me answer each and every call from our building even though he's the one responsible for a majority of the noise but he always makes sure to stand close by to make sure I don't ask them to send help no matter how severe things have gotten. 

"Where are you off to?" she asks taking note of the fact that it's getting late in the evening. "I figured I might just head over to the pub a few streets down and see if I can clear my head for a while" I say, not bothering to give more information than necessary. Not that there would be any more information to give. 

"Good for you dear! It's always good to go out and get a new perspective on life. Let me know anytime if you need any help alright? Oh and I'm so excited to read your next book!" she says and with that last part catching me off guard. "You've read my books?" I question, taken aback and almost embarrassed at the fact that a woman of her age would be reading the type of genre I write, let alone my own. 

"Of course dear! As soon as I found out that you were a writer I went straight to the bookstore and bought all of them! You really are very talented" she finishes, with a glimmer of admiration in her eye. 

"Thank you so much, your support means the world to me, truly" I finish and she quickly shoo me off, apologizing for holding me hostage. 

"Next time I see you I'll sign your copies if you'd like" I offer and the look on her face is absolutely priceless. 

"I'll make sure to have them sitting by the front door with a pen in hand!" she beams and I wave one last goodbye before I make my way to my destination. 

~~~~

Walking in the doors of The Blue Pearl I'm greeted by the sound of soft rock being played in the background and a low murmur of the small amount of people spread through out. This pub seems to be a little old fashioned so I guess it's not a big draw for the younger rowdier crowds. Which was exactly what I was looking for. 

Just a slow night to clear my head and a strong drink to drown my sorrows. Knowing me though I'll probably stop after one or two drinks. 

I decide to sit at the bar on the stool closest to the wall and wave the bartender over. 

"Surprise me, something sweet but something strong" I say trying to sound as confident as I can. "You got it" she says and comes back soon with a pink drink of some sort a few moments later. "What is this?" I ask after taking a sip, already dying for another one at the fruity but subtly sweet drink. 

"I like to call it The Slut Puppy" she says with a proud smile. I tilt my head when I look at her, confused as to how she came up with the name. "I'm still workshopping it to be honest but your reaction to the name definitely played true to the puppy part. I laugh realizing that I subconsciously played into her game and she laughs right along with me. 

"Long night?" she asks after I've settled in, using her bartender powers to see right through my act while walking away a bit to clean up the shaker she had used to make my drink. 

"Try long life" I say, rolling my eyes before taking a sip of my drink again, sighing in contentment. "That bad huh?" she laughs bitterly, knowing one way or another that what I'm dealing with is beyond fucked. "Let's just say the best part of my week so far has been this drink" I and steal a quick glance at her, embarrassed that my words are flowing so easily to a complete stranger. 

"But it's Saturday night" she say with her brows pinched together. "Exactly" I say and before I can even ask she decides to grab another shaker and makes me another drink which I accept with a somber smile. "I put some extra ice in this one so don't worry it's not gonna go straight to your head" she says, looking out for me as if she were someone I had known for my whole life. 

"I'm y/n by the way" I say, hoping to move from strangers to acquaintances at the very least. "Rae" she answers before tending to another patron. 

"So y/n" she starts as she makes her way back over to me "what do you do?" she asks, maintaining conversation but not trying to pry when it comes to what I'm clearly upset about. 

"I'm a writer" I answer and her interest is immediately peaked. "A writer? Really? What do you write about?" she asks, leaning up against the counter so she can hear me a bit better. 

"To be honest my stories are pretty fucked up romance novels" I say scratching the top of my head feeling a bit awkward at the confession. 

"Sounds like my type of book" she laughs. I let out a breath, thankful that I won't have to explain myself to her since this genre isn't everyone's cup of tea. "So what are some books that you've written? Maybe I've read one before" she says going back to cleaning up a few things, making sure to use her time wisely. 

"Well 'Trials of the Broken' is one of them. It's my best seller at the moment. I'm actually working on writing the sequel right now" I respond, embarrassed but proud of my achievements all the same. 

"I think I've heard of that one! My friends have been trying to get me to read it but I never got around to it" she says, surprised at her chances of meeting me. 

"If you ever get around to it then let me know what you think" I say, now kicking myself for putting on the pressure for her to read it. "I definitely will" she says and makes her way over to the other side of the bar to serve some more patrons that just made their way inside. 

Glancing over at them I notice one that is a few steps behind the crowd, making me question if he's come here alone but I go back to looking at my drink, trying my best not to stare. 

My eyes somehow manage to drag themselves over toward him as he places his order and waits for Rae to make it. 

He takes off his hood and I'm met with first, the sight of his sharp jaw, then his shaggy hair he ruffled as soon as the hood dropped and finally his lips, the bottom one pierced twice rested in a soft smile. I realize though that the only way I would be seeing his full on smile would be if he was looking back at me and I make somewhat panicked eye contact with him before quickly turning my head in the other direction. 

'Great job y/n, drooling over the first hot guy you see. He's probably going to think I'm some sort of creep now' my thoughts thought are interrupted with the sound of what I believe to be is a drink set down on the counter a few seats away from me. 

"Is it alright if I sit here?" a smooth baritone voice says, making butterflies fill my stomach. 

"Um yeah sure" I say, taking a sip of my drink before glancing at him, quickly looking away again before I start to stare again. 

"So how's your night going?" he asks, clearly in an effort to make small talk. 

"It's going. How about yours?" I question back and see that he's no longer looking at me, instead watching as he swirls his mystery drink around in his cup. "About the same" he chuckles, clearly amused with both of our lack of effort to divulge any details. 

We sit there for a second or two in silence before Rae walks over and gives me another drink. I watched her make it and I can tell she she went even easier on the alcohol this time and makes sure to question nonverbally if I'm alright to which I nod. 

"What are you drinking?" he asks, smiling at the visual of the bright pink drink with two cherries placed on top. "You're gonna laugh" I say, brushing a piece of hair behind my ear, feeling a little apprehensive saying words like this to a complete stranger (a hot one at that).

"It's-" "It's called a Slut Puppy" Rae interrupts from the other side of the bar, not even bothering to hide the fact that she was clearly listening. "Um yeah, that" I chuckle, taking a big sip of it to hopefully calm my nerves. 

"A slut puppy?" he asks, flashing an amused smile at me, sending my heart beat into overload. "Her name, not mine" I laugh awkwardly. Trying, but failing at sounding normal but from the looks of it he doesn't seem to mind. "Right" he says dragging out the first syllable before taking a sip of his drink. 

"Do you guys know each other?" he asks, curious as to who our not so secret eavesdropper is. "Kinda. We just met. Although it almost seems like I've known her my whole life" I say smiling at her, thankful for the fact that she was able to lift my spirits so easily. 

"It's nice when you meet people like that" he says and when I bring my attention back over to him I can tell that he's been looking at me for a while, making me shy all over again. 

"Oh, I'm Jungkook by the way" he says holding out his hand, and I turn my stool towards him and shake it, fixing what would've been an awkward angle if I had stayed in place. He after seeing what I had done decides to turn as well, angling his body towards me and I notice now that there's only one seat between us. A respectful distance, making me feel a bit more comfortable talking to him. 

"I'm y/n" I say and he gives me a soft smile, whispering my name under his breath, almost as if he were trying to keep it as a secret all for himself. "So y/n, what's your story?" he asks, withdrawing his hand at almost the same time I do and goes back to taking another sip of his drink, making sure to keep his sparkly eyes trained on me. 

'Sparkly? Y/n you are a married woman. You shouldn't even be talking to this guy'.

"My story? Well to be honest there's not much to tell. I grew up and went to school in the city and now I'm a writer. There's not much else to my life if I'm being honest" I say, doing my best to maintain conversation but also not give away too much. 

"That ring on your finger says otherwise" he says, nodding towards it and playing around with his straw. Not in an abrasive way but more as if to remind me of something else that I might've forgotten.

"Oh, um yeah" I say, showing him the ring up for a second to confirm his suspicions but pull my sweater down to cover it up a second later, hoping he won't ask anything else about that aspect but unfortunately luck is not on my side in that department tonight. 

"Is that why you're here? Needed to get away for a while?" he asks, curious but not insinuating anything that I would expect a guy of his age would be asking me. "I guess you could say that" I say taking a deep breath deciding that if he's asking I might as well get the male perspective while I can. 

"With being a writer and everything I'm pretty much cooped up in the house all day. Which for me is fine and it's been like that for a few years" I say, taking a second to try and figure out how to formulate my next words carefully, not wanting his to worry or judge the situation too much.

"I'm sensing there's a 'but' here" he chuckles and takes another sip of his drink and waves at Rae in an effort to get both of us both another drink without me noticing to avoid protest. "But" I start out, confirming his suspicions. "with my husband being used to me doing that all the time he tends to get a bit, how should I say this..." I trial off, still not sure how to phrase it. 

"Controlling?" he offers, a bit more blunt than his other responses. "Worried" I counter, although his word is more accurate than mine. He nods a bit, clearly not believing my words but doesn't press in hopes that I will continue. "He's worried that something might happen to me if I go out alone. That someone might recognize me because of my books and try to do something like kidnap me" I say, fully confident in my words.

I hear Jungkook snort beside me a second later, leaving me looking over at him with my brows scrunched up. "What's so funny?" I ask, confused and almost annoyed by his reaction. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry continue" he says doing his best to calm down. "No, what about that is so funny?" I press as I can clearly see that he's still trying to hold his laughter in. 

"I'm sorry y/n it's just, well isn't kidnapping a little bit of a stretch?" he says, clearing his throat and breathing through what he thought was a ridiculous excuse. "Woman and children get kidnapped everyday! Look up the statistics!" I retort, trying to convince him that there's truth to Taehyung's argument. 

"Yes, I know that it happens a lot, but you can't let that keep you from going outside and living life. It's a horrible thing and I don't understand why anyone would do such a thing but you can't use it as a way to cripple yourself from ever leaving your house" he says, this time being completely serious and trying his best to convince me that I shouldn't be living like this. 

"I'm out now aren't I?" I argue, and to that he nods his head but presses further. "How long has it been since you've been out like this though?" he asks and I just let my head droop a bit in response before taking a sip of my new drink. 

"Well I'm proud of you for coming out tonight and doing this for yourself. And look, you're completely safe. Plus seems like you've already made two new friends tonight" he laughs motioning to himself and Rae and when I look over at her all I can see is her bright smile, happy to see me getting more comfortable. 

"Who knows though, you might just be acting nice to me just so I'll let my guard down so you can kidnap me" I tease and at that he acts like he's offended, throwing his hand over his heart as if I had shot him. 

"You hurt me with your words. It's a shame though, I was just in the market for a new best friend" he says, wiping away a fake tear. "Or in the market for some fresh meat" I continue laughing at his act. "Twist the knife why don't you" he says, now resorting to pouting. 

"Aw, it's okay I didn't mean it" I say patting his shoulder in an effort to apologize. "You better not" he says looking at me, still pouting. "Come on, let's turn that frown upside down. Why don't I buy you a drink?" I ask as a way to make amends. 

"No that's alright, I've actually gotta get going" he says, pulling out his wallet and placing some cash on the counter to more than cover his drinks. "Let me get you some change" Rae steps in, quick to help since she is otherwise unoccupied. "No it's okay, use it to cover us both and then keep the change" he says as he straightens out his jacket a bit. 

"No you don't have to do that" I argue and go to take some cash out of my purse as well. "It's okay I got it. But if you want to make it up to me I'll always take your number as payment" he says with a cheeky smile. 

"Just as friends of course! I would never want to seduce a married woman" he says, jumping over himself, making me sure I know his intensions are pure. 

"Can we do email? I spend most of my time on my computer so it's easier for me" I say, making excuses as to not giving it to him. "As long as you promise not to mark my messages as spam" he jokes and hands me his phone so I can add it in. "I promise. It was really nice to meet you Jungkook" I say handing it back to him, our hands touching a few moments longer for it to be seen as something with the promise of being platonic. 

"Take care" he says giving me a soft smile and then waves at Rae, clearly seeing her not even bothering to hide that she's staring at us. 

"Bye" I say under my breath, not knowing how to feel about anything now that he's gone. 

prev / next Series Masterlist

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[drconstellation]

"Not Even At Gunpoint!"

Future Echoes of the Past #3

I didn't plan this meta. Well, maybe...just a tiny, weeny bit...I had been keeping a parallel in mind for a while...but not in this context. But it was kind of one of these moments:

Lets start at the beginning.

@beebopboom has been exploring the three magic tricks that appear in the S2 opening sequence recently, and speculating how the third one might appear in S3, and I've been exploring the paintball fight scene at Tadfield Manor in S1E2 and how that relates to the Great War in Heaven that formed Hell, and the events around the Fall. The two topics intersect, as you have echoes of the Bullet Catch magic trick from the 1941 minisode in S2E4 appearing not once but at least twice at Tadfield Manor.

But...then I realised, there's more than one pointed gun. Way more.

I'd always liked this throwback line from Crowley in S2E1, when Nina asks him if he is a bookseller as well:

Who would want to be a bookseller when this could happen to you?

Shadwell, turning up at the book shop in S1E4, disturbs Aziraphale contacting Heaven through the portal (a modified Solomon's magic circle) under the oculus, and breaks in to confront him. The historical implications of Aziraphale's lines here are that before homosexuality was decriminalized in the UK meeting places for such people were often disguised as respectable looking book shops. Which makes Nina's question in S2E1 and Crowley's denial to her all the more...loaded? Ah, well, you can't fool Nina, now, can you?

Anyway, mah point is...Shadwell literally has Aziraphale at gunpoint, er, fingerpoint here. Loaded fingerpoint.

But then, this isn't the first time Aziraphale has had a gun pointed at him. He had one pointed at him in the church in 1941 by the Nazi agent double-crossing Greta. His biggest fear, as always, isn't actually "dying," or standing in front of the guns, its the paperwork that he knows will go with getting a new body from the Ineffable Bureaucracy.

Crowley turns up to rescue him, because he "didn't want to see [him] embarrassed." With a bit of equivocation between the two of them, all the time while at gunpoint from Greta, they team up to save each other.

This was even before we got to the Bullet Catch - his "show stopper!"

Back to Tadfield Manor.

As they enter, Crowley is lined up in the crosshairs.

Er, wait a minute...

Only Crowley is shown this way here, not Aziraphale. He's a target. I'm starting to ask what point in time this is referring to - the present or the past? Both. Yeah, why not both! The work I did in this previous meta in this series showed that Crowley was considered a target for early removal by the other demons-to-be prior to the Fall.

Then they are both shot.

I pointed out Aziraphale gets shot by blue paint, representing Heaven, but its a colour we don't see used again by any one in the fighting to come. But what I didn't talk about was WHERE he got hit - in the back. That's synonymous with treachery. Heaven has stabbed Aziraphale in the back, so to speak. wow. Nice - not.

And Crowley? He gets hit in the heart - just like the Norman/Lucifer parallel on the Yellow Team does a short while later during his "fall" scene - with the red paint, betrayed by the Red Team who represent the management in Heaven.

Seems the Ineffable Bureaucracy wanted both them out of the way during the Great War...it get more and more interesting each time I look closer at it...

So was Aziraphale ever in the crosshairs? Yep.

And, as @vavoom-sorted-art points out, this is a time Aziraphale chooses to pick a weapon, and to fight. He didn't want the simple, safe deception trick with the ropes - he wanted a weapon. He really is much more the warrior than Crowley. Aziraphale, I think your nature as a principality is showing!

Firing that gun made Crowley sick to his stomach, and so did this metaphorical loaded gun - the Book of Life.

As soon as he found out from Beelzebub it was a real possibility of being played he went back to protect Aziraphale. Crowley hates fighting - watch how often he will try shut it down as quickly as possible or try to escape it when he can. To him everyone has free will, and the person picking the fight with the other is imposing their will on them. That's 'not on' in his books.

Aziraphale, on the other hand, is still reacting with his ingrained Heavenly instincts - that he should follow his morals because they are 'right,' and more sophisticated weapons add weight to the moral argument. He thinks. Maybe. (Yeah, keep working on that doubt, angel.)

Az: Impressive hardware. I've looked at this gun, its not a proper one at all. It just shoots paintballs. Cr: Don't your lot disapprove of guns? Az: Unless they're in the right hands. Then they give weight to a moral argument. I think. Cr: [laughing] A moral argument? Really? *tosses gun away* C'mon. [Heads into the Manor.] [later, after Crowley changes the paintball guns to real guns...] Az: But there are people out there shooting at each other! Cr: Well -  Lends weight to their moral argument. Everyone has free will, including the right to murder. Just think of it as a microcosm of the universe.

I'll think I'll end this here and leave you with a small montage of the aftermath of all this gun play - everything going up in flames and smoke.

Bring on S3!

If you didn't follow the links in the meta, and want to read the first two in this series, they are here:

#1: The Great War of Tadfield Manor

#2: The Newton/Crowley Mirror-Parallel in S1

[swissboyhisch]

Cupid Cousin

A/N: I didn't reread this after I finished. Pretty sure it all good but it's late for me so I couldn't be bothered. But yay for this being my first imagine written in years!!!

Pairing: Nico Hischier x Reader

Summary: First game against his old team for your cousin. Luckily some of his ex teammates are cute.

Word Count: 1161

Warnings: None I think. Please correct me if I'm wrong.

THE MASTERLIST JOIN THE TAGLIST HOCKEY DISCORD

You hadn’t seen Taylor in god knows how long. After his trade, it was a struggle being in Newark by yourself. You had moved for college and your cousin was more than happy to have you living closer. But now he had left, you were alone once more. It was only a matter of weeks between you settling into your apartment to the news of Taylor being traded to Boston.

Taylor has his first game against his old team and of course, he wanted you at the Prudential to watch. As much as you loved your cousin, you weren’t a fan of the Bruins. So instead, you dawned your Devils’ Hall jersey. A simple pair of jeans with a hoodie underneath was all you needed. You got there just as the doors opened, two hours before the game. Taylor being Taylor had gotten a glass ticket next to the Devils’ bench.

Boston skated out to do their warmups in front of where you sat. Taylor was quick to spot you, having memorised your seat number. It had been too long since you both had seen each other. He slammed on the glass in front of you. A laugh and wave was exchanged before he noticed one of his favourite ex-teammates skating over to greet him. Nico Hischier and Taylor were close during his time on the Devils. 

Taylor lit up at the sight of Nico skating closer. Both hugged and shared some words. Taylor pointed to you and said a couple words to Nico. The Swiss boy smiled and waved at you. You waved back to him, I mean he was cute, who could deny that. 

As you waited for the stars to be announced, you got a message from Taylor to find a worker in the club section and ask them to take you to the visitors locker room. You had no clue where you were going. The Prudential was a new place for you. The only reason you knew where the club section was because you had come through that to find your seat. 

“Uh, excuse me?” 

The worker turned to you and smiled. “How can I help you?”

“Um, Taylor Hall told me to find a worker to take me to the visitors' change rooms. That's literally all he told me.” You showed her the message then pulled out your ID. Luckily you two shared the last same last name. “I’m sorry, I know it’s weird. I just… It’s all he just told me.”

“Just give me a moment,” The woman apologised. 

You just nod, looking around the bar while she went off to do what she needed. Fans were hanging around having a drink before they went home. She came back with another younger woman who smiled. The new woman looked to be a part of Boston’s crew.

“I was told…”

“Not a problem love, Hall wanted me to take you down, that’s all.”

The walk down to the visitor’s locker wasn’t long, surprisingly. Despite how big the arena actually seemed. She left you standing outside of a locker room, awkwardly by yourself, alone in the corridor. Every now and then a worker would walk by but you stood there scrolling through your phone. 

“Waiting for Hallsy?” A voice spoke up, making you jump.

Coming towards you was Nico Hischier, dressed back in his game day suit. Looking mighty fine. You smile and nod. “Yeah, I think we’re going to dinner. All he said was to meet him down here.”

“Hallsy said we’re going to this diner we were regulars at. It has great burgers.” Nico then smiled bashfully, “I’m Nico by the way.”

You giggle at his words and reply with your name. “It’s nice to meet you. Taylor has told me about you.”

The pair of you chat quietly waiting for Taylor to come out. And surprisingly, he was one of the last of the team to exit. Players like Marchand and Bergeron walked by, giving the pair a point glare. Whether it was you or the fact Nico, star of the New Jersey Devils, was standing beside you.

“Taylor mentioned you are going to college out here,” Nico started.

“Yeah, studying media.” You pull up some of your work for the college’s sports team. “I put in my application here when Tay was still on the team. Got accepted and just after I moved, bam the team traded him.”

“That sucks.”

You shrugged, “Not a lot he could do. He had to be on the next flight to Arizona. Then traded to Boston not long after that.”

“Do you have many friends at school?” The brunette questioned.

“Kinda,” you replied. 

The door opening once more pulled the pair of you from your conversation. Charlie McAvoy was one of the few people you had met through your many calls with Taylor. You shared a smile and wave.

“Hallsy, your cousin is out here with Hischier,” McAvoy called back into the change room after he exited. 

Taylor was quick to exit after that. The three of you made your way to Nico’s car and to downtown Newark. You guys were quick to settle into a corner booth. Privacy for the boys mainly. You took the window seat with Taylor across from you. 

“In you go,” Taylor smirked at his old teammate, nodding at the seat beside you.

Nico slid into the booth beside you, taking the menu from your hand. “Thank you.”

The three of you ordered your meals and caught up with each other. You asked how Boston was, despite not liking the city. Nico talked about how the team was going and having a new roommate, the young Jack Hughes. Taylor asked you about your life, making sure you were okay being in the city by yourself. By the end of the night, Nico had offered to drive you back to your apartment. That was after dumping Taylor at his hotel with the team. 

“If you need anything, you can always just hit me up,” Nico offered as he pulled into the apartment car park. “I don’t do much other than train and do anything hockey. Would be nice to have a friend outside of hockey.”

“Sounds like a date then,” You smirk. 

You held out your phone, allowing him to insert his phone number. He made sure to text himself from his phone to make sure he had your number as well. He wasn’t going to fuck up this chance. Especially after the speech Hallsy had given him whilst you were in the toilet at the diner. He wasn’t going to risk anything.

“Thanks for the lift.”

“Anytime you need,” Nico responded.

You laugh, “Says the guy who travels a lot.”

“Not the greatest I know, but I’ll try my best.”

You blushed at his words. Instead of replying you leaned over and pressed a quick kiss to his cheek. Without saying another word, only giving him a smile, you exited the car.

A message came through later that night as you were laying in bed.

Hallsy: You're welcome ;)

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[roxannepolice]

Rant 1/waiting for the department head to open his bloody e-mail/TDF doesn't work, really

The Doctor Falls is literally the highest graded Master episode on IMDB, and I'm not denying that it's a good episode, and also know that for some it is there that they like the Saxon Master best, but tbh for me it just doesn't work. Or perhaps works, but in that weird way where a work meant to send one message gets celebrated in a completely contradicotry way, Don Quixote style. Yes, Simm!Master's fans have been critcising it since 2017 as erasing his story in s3-4 (and tbc, I am pissed at the the way in which the Blasting of Rassilon was framed by Twelve, also bad at driving? the guy who repeatedly went back and forth between the end of the universe and 2007 UK? coming from the "oh I might have missed my mark by a few centuries" guy?), to which it is questioned if he really had a development, to which others ask if Missy had an actual development, and so on and so forth, but to me the problems go way, way deeper. At the same time, I always welcome pointing out if I missed something and general criticism (consider it a practice in waiting for the comments from my supervisors)!

First off, a simple question: did the Doctor have an actual plan that involved the Masters, or he was just expecting them to happily turn his sacrifical suicide into an expanded one for no practical reason??? Like, his only plan is "and then someone stays here and blows up the entire platform so Cybermen can't get higher up, and that's gonna be me because I'm dying and tired". So did he want the Masters to "stand with him" to, what die too? Leave with the colonists - and then what, live as retired alcoholic gunmen farmers, Clint Eastwood-style? Because the part where the colonists get away was achieved anyway! I guess they could get up to the Doctor's TARDIS all the way up and then even go fetch him, but I suppose that would elbow the sacrificial part away. Also, the option where at least some of the colonists pack themselves into those lifts and everyone gets onboard the Master's TARDIS is like. There. And wouldn't those guys know where more lifts were, like that's how they got to the level in the first place???

I'm not saying you can't headcanon an alternative plan that the Doctor had, but it sure as hell wasn't communicated to the audience, which, to clarify, I am focusing on here, like I'm analysing the episode as a work of fiction that someone was in charge of, not a documentary of strategic mistakes done by people under pressure.

Second: Missy just had to, had to, keep her plans a secret from the Doctor. Why???? I don't even have much to elaborate on here, I just could never understand this, and a more serious problem here is:

Why did Missy have to kill Saxon in the first place??? Like, seriously. Why. Do you really look at this guy and think he would have thought twice about running away on his own if he got to the lift and noticed she wasn't there??? Oh yeah, but "he's worried about his future!". Well everyone would be if they saw their future standing in awe of the protagonist doing exposition for ten years of your own timeflow, but frankly I just can't see this guy as not prioritising the here and now of his own (very nice) ass needing to run! Like, was he actively STOPPING HER from staying with the Doctor? No, he just strolled the fuck away without turning back! Oh, but maybe Missy knows he has to die now to regenerate into her, so it's all about keeping the timeline going. Soooo, she does remember these events after all? The Master went out of plot timeline overlapping induced memory loss at just the right moment to realise he's dying of a stab wound on a Mondasian colony ship, but also to already be onboard the TARDIS? Very convenient. Again, I wouldn't be raging if this was actually communicated, but it wasn't.

Which finally leads me to Missy's "sacrifice". What sacrifice? No, really, did her death actually change anything, because that's like the definition of a sacrifice? Leaving aside the whole problem of whether or not the Masters staying with the Doctor would have changed anything, Saxon was letting her get away until she started talking about her reasons for staying. Which she did because?... Like, again, it's not like either of them is going to remember anything of this. Yeah, but it needed to be communicated for the audience. Ok, then this is exactly when bad writing steps in. Like, if you need the characters to do something incredibly illogical for the audience's sake then you didn't write it in a way that would be naturally incorporated into the story.

Missy didn't sacrifice herself. She died of character exposition. She crashed into the fourth wall like a bird into glass door. She's shuffled off her screentime coil, run down the literal curtain, and joined the bleedin' incidental music orchestra invisible. She's not pushing daisies only because BBC's budget didn't include them.

Ok, I railed myself up, but really, the fact that Missy's death is usually framed as a sacrifice is one of those moment where I literally wonder if there are some glaring version differences between the episode I watched and that watched by everyone else.

But you know, I get it. As the Doctor explicitly laid out in his speech (which is its own can of worms on whether it's logically solid, that I'll get down to while waiting for my principal to open his bloody e-mail), this is not about winning, this is about doing the kind thing. Which is where the actually interesting interpretation of The Doctor Falls comes in. Which is the clash between deontological and utilitarian ethics.

Crash course: deontological ethics relies on viewing certain acts as good or evil by their very nature, while utilitarianism wages moral value in reference to some specific goal, which is not neccessarily "gain", but for example, preserving the lives of as many people as possible. To use the trolley dilemma (which is a thought experiment! it's meant to illustrate things, you're really not doing a "gotcha!" by asking about mass transport quality and regulations, though I appreciate this as a rethoric device), a deontologist will say reverting the train to one person instead of five is wrong, because at this point it becomes murder, while an utilitarianist will say reverting is right, because more people are saved than killed. To use a less cliche and reconfigured example, is it moral to blow up a planet if that's the only way to stop a war that's literally warping time into nonexistence? I've argued elsewhere that the deontology vs. utilitarianism is also the contrast made by John Smith vs. professor Yana. Yeah, I know the usual reading is "oh, look, the Doctor can be kind of a dick and the Master a good person!", but if you scratch down to the bottom of things, it's more the case of "the Doctor will focus on the values of people they identify with and the Master will focus on a goal; should they land in an environment where they will respectively identify with bigots, and have only one goal left in the universe and that's preserving life, they will be how they ended up being". Self-sacrifice becomes a matter of calculating yourself as the most expendable party.

In TDF, the Doctor is placed on the deontological side of the dilemma by everything he says during his speech(tm): it's kind. It just is, by its very nature. And to clarfiy for the pissing on poor website: I am not denying this! This is a very, very soild point! What I do argue is that Saxon Master isn't just being very bad because he never heard the music uwu, but that there's an ethical standpoint to his actions too! He's an utilitarianist, as the Master's always been! Why, just why is it wrong to mind control people if they clearly can't make the right choices on their own? Why is absolute power evil if individual will keeps going astray? Why is it wrong to body posses people if this saves my own life? Why shouldn't I change history if there are very good people in need of saving? Why shouldn't I run away if the only plan to save others will include me dying and no gain in return?

Again, the Doctor's speech is its own can of worms, but arguably the biggest leap done there is jumping from guilt vs. shame to "to thy own self be true" arguments. When you think of the Master as a utilitarianist... it's Saxon who fell where he stood. He stood on the side of "This is a pointless endeavour and I reject pointless. And if I'm to become someone who goes for pointless, then I won't be myself anyway and I might as well die." Absolutely not the intended reading, but death of the author, baby.

[officialgleamstar]

Personal DnDads Pride Headcanons

some of these are simple but most are paragraphs long because of who I am as a person (incapable of saying things concisely), so they're going under a readmore. vaguely organized by age group.

one quick note: feel free to cheer on or rag on any of these that you please, variety in opinion is the spice of fandom life! everyone's headcanons are so real and valid to me, i am a strong believer in having as many contradicting fandom opinions as you want. for this list, i just went with everything that is "default" to my fan content. others' transfem sparrow is shaking hands with my gnc sparrow and yes, i'm listing that one on purpose, because if you make fun of transfem sparrow, you are getting hit by my bat. be fucking nice.

please enjoy!

Season 1 Dads and Spouses

Carol is a lesbian. This is simply canon to me. It’s important that this is first and visible to everyone.

Bi/pan polyamorous Henry and Mercedes is also simply canon to me. Honestly that one might be fully canon based on some of the things that happen in Odyssey

Henry is unlabeled but in the sense that he calls himself ‘queer’, ‘bisexual’, ‘gay’, or ‘pansexual’, fully depending on his mood and the conversation happening

Ron is also unlabeled but in the sense that he has never thought about it in his life and isn’t intending to now

Glenn is bisexual but never talks about it unless someone else mentions it first, and he tries really really hard to never think about his gender once in his life. The queer angst I give Glenn could be a whole post of its own but just know he has issues. He does fuck men though

Darryl still isn’t really sure on his sexuality and probably never will be, but he’s actually explored it a bit, so that’s better than whatever the fuck was going on with him before the show started. Henry likes giving him subtle bear pride flag accessories because Darryl actually wears them a lot. His favorite color is brown, after all.

Jodie, Nicky, and Taylor all are bisexual with a preference for women. Sexuality isn’t genetic but it is for them specifically.

Morgan is also bisexual. Literally none of the season 1 parents are straight except maybe Samantha and even with her, my opinion fully matters on the day and how I’m feeling.

Henry and Lark have definitely had an exchange at some point where Lark asked him how it was to ‘experience twink death’, to which Henry just went ‘get back to me in a few years on that, kid.’ and Lark spent the rest of the week furiously moping because clearly, he’s a twunk, Father- (words of a man who did not take care of himself well enough from the ages of 18-25 to ever be a twunk)

This is my little shipper brain but Jodie only realized he liked men after being stuffed into the Odyssey and being around Ron 24/7 for months on end (and the demon stuff, but he didn’t know that yet for obvious reasons). In his timeline, he had a whole arc about it and now he’s persistently attracted to strange men who don’t make sense as well as women light-years out of his league. He’s still a little miffed that Henry doesn’t remember the very long conversations they had about it, but him and Nicky get to wear matching bi pride bracelets now, so he guesses it’s fine.

Kiddads and Spouses

Lark is bisexual. He has known this since kindergarten when his parents explained what the flag all over their house was and has never thought about it since.

Lark also helped Rebecca realize she was bisexual because she would ask him about it in a class they shared in high school

This is utterly unrelated to LGBT headcanons but I think Veronica and Rebecca grew up in San Dimas with the kiddads, and were friends with them in high school. It just makes sense to me

Unlabeled Terry Junior is something that can be so personal to me. In a general sense, he likes everyone romantically, and identifies enough with the asexual spectrum to wear an ace ring, but he doesn’t really see the point in putting a name on it. He’s just Terry Junior and he’s happy with that.

Him, Lark, and Nicky did have a group chat called ‘bisexuals with an agenda’ in high school though, where they would make plans for pranking or otherwise harassing their fathers during group outings. Terry loves Ron but that does not mean he is above ruining his day. It’s done with affection.

My thoughts on Sparrow could be a full fanfiction but gonna try to keep it simple (retroactive edit: did not keep it simple). Sparrow is the token cishet of the kiddads, but in the queerest way possible. He’s an Oak-Garcia, of course he’s explored himself very thoroughly. At current, he identifies as gender non-confirming cis man, but he has had periods of his life where he transitioned and then detransitioned. In early high school, he identified as non-binary. From senior year up until just before Hero was born, he lived as a trans lesbian. He doesn’t see these periods as phases, just as his identity changing over time. Currently he’s perfectly happy identifying as a man, but wouldn’t be wholly shocked if he transitioned again. Calls himself “cis but gender is obviously, massively, a social construct and so it feels unfair to expect myself to fit into these boxes when identity can be so fluid and-”

Rebecca still calls him her wife, and also a granola lesbian or MILF from time to time because it makes him laugh, and while Nicky was still in his life, he would send Sparrow trans memes a lot. Sparrow also has always liked being seen as non-binary, he sees it as ‘winning at being androgynous’. Competitive to the sense of nonsensical Sparrow my beloved

Sparrow always wears women’s clothing but that’s for autistic reasons. They just fit nicer for his brain. It helps the gender(tm) thing though, he near exclusively wore hand-me-downs from Mercedes throughout all of high school

Sorry for talking so much about Sparrow. He’s my favorite character so he is the focus of many of my thoughts. Anyways

Never been a huge fan of the ‘Grant was outed by his crush in the Forgotten Realms’ headcanon, I think Grant came out about a year beforehand. Long enough where everything about it has settled but it’s still new enough that Darryl forgot for a split second and thought Grant might have a crush on Killa during the Four Knight arc. He’d known he liked boys a while before that, and also his parents kind of figured he was gay most of his life since he had 95% girl friends

Marco is pansexual! He met Grant in college because he worked the front desk of their dorm building and would always wear a bunch of pride pins

Nicky was Grant’s first good friend who was a boy, I like to think that they were childhood friends. Grant announced this to his dad at the age of 10 by going “Nick Close is transgender now, so that means you don’t have to worry about me only talking to girls because he’s a boy.” and Darryl went “…Alright?” and then googled what ‘transgender’ means

Speaking of, Nicky realized he was trans because of Mulan. Both Glenn and Jodie, in their respective timelines, googled ‘How do I know if my daughter is a lesbian’ before he came out because Nicky would rewatch the reflection song so often and also the tomboy-isms. Everyone felt very stupid for being surprised when he cut all of his hair off, cried, and asked to change his name

T4T Nicky and Cassandra is canon and they rubbed it into everyone's faces when they were together, Anthony is just afraid of the truth

Cassandra is trans het. I love trans het people more than anything and I love her so this makes sense to me.

Veronica is non-binary, in the sense of “girl but to the left”. They/she pronouns, calls themself a girlie and a mom but not a woman, dresses in a kickass pantsuit at formal events. I’m also in love with her

Season 2 Teens and Friends

Hero and Normal are both trans. When Hero came out, Sparrow sat Normal down to explain why Hero was now a sister instead of a brother and Normal responded with “Well, that’s not fair. How come Hero can be a girl but I can’t be a boy?!” and Sparrow just stared at him for a really long time before going “You can be a boy, honey.” and they went thrift shopping as a family for new clothes the next day

Normal is stealth trans, mostly because Hero is the same way and he copies her, but also because it doesn’t really occur to him that he passes. He just figures that people knows even though he is on testosterone and binds and presents masculine. It helps that his family presents pretty gender-neutral as a whole, so most people assume he had long hair as a kid because his parents are hippies. They had a son and daughter, both with long hair. They now have a daughter and a son, both with short hair. To the general populace, nothing has changed, they just misremembered which kid was older.

Taylor is a demi-boy and spends every year growing more and more feminine. Definitely calls their gender something like ‘boy with a dash of girl on the side’ with their friends. Growing out his hair was a newer thing and he regrets cutting it, even if it was a super cool sequence and he looked like an anime protagonist, because he liked how it framed his face.

Cassandra has always maintained an openness about her trans identity, so Taylor’s the same way. He’s always got the he/they pronoun pin on (I figure this is normalized by the time of season 2, but he’s just very pleased about it), he has a variety of trans and non-binary pride pins that he cycles through, and they like painting their nails because it’s an easy way for them to feel a little more feminine.

Cassandra’s living room is decorated with a massive trans pride flag and LED lights. The first time the teens walk into Taylor’s home, Scary says “it looks like a Twitch stream in here” at the same time that Normal says “it looks like my sister’s room in here” and they high-five while Taylor yells at them to be nice.

Hermie is genderfluid and uses any pronouns. This is real to me. He has my own teenage trait of gender shifting every three hours and never knowing what to do about it and he will be suffering with this until he exits puberty, at which point he gives up and just sees what gender other people choose for him.

Hermie is also pan/ace! No further thoughts here. She just is.

Erica just goes by queer because she doesn’t think the common passerby deserves to know her rich inner life and she’s right, they don’t

I tend to say a lot that all of the S2 kids are bisexual, and I represent them as such, but I truly believe that Lincoln and Normal both have no idea what’s going on with their sexualities. They say they’re bisexual for bisexual teen squad reasons but Normal is going through a constant crisis of “Am I gay or bisexual?” and Lincoln looks up the definition of aro/ace on a weekly basis. Neither of them will ever express this until Scary goes “maybe I’m not bisexual, actually.”

On that note, Scary is a lesbian but she’s not going to realize that until college. For now, she’s rocking with the bisexuality and pretends it’s not weird that her ‘crushes’ on boys feel wildly different than her crushes on girls. Yes I am projecting. This is not a secret. We project onto Scary here.

[loveforlandonorris]

🎤 Lando at the post-race press conference in Shanghai:

(I'm so sorry for how late I'm posting this, uni has been bleeding me dry 😞 I wanted to get this posted before posting about Miami so even if it's belated, at least the post-race press will be here. I will post the video to go with when I can 🫶🏻)

Transcript:

Interviewer: Lando, let's come to you next. Many congratulations, your best result of the year so far. Was this the best the car has felt?

 Lando: No, probably not. I mean, big improvement today compared to yesterday. So I think that's why we were probably a bit surprised. I'm surprised to be sitting here today, but it's a nice surprise of course. Difficult to say, you know, we've been struggling a little bit. I'm sure everyone does, with certain things throughout the whole season, which have always been limiting us. It probably felt similar-ish to Australia, Australia, I felt comfortable and the car felt pretty good as well.

So just much better today, things came alive today, the conditions cooled down, the wind calmed down and both of these things, I think, played into our hands a little bit more. So, you know, that's why yesterday, if you asked me, what do we expect for today, It definitely was nowhere near top three, or even maybe top five, you know. So a pleasant surprise. And yeah, the car felt much better. But obviously, not quick enough to match the Red Bulls.

 Interviewer: You say "pleasant surprise", Lando. Coming into the weekend, you weren't confident. What changed?

Lando: Nothing. I don't know. What did change? We were just quicker than we thought. That's the limitations, the places we expected to struggle, probably a lot more, we didn't struggle as much in. So these longer corners, like Turn 1, have always been a big weakness for us. And part of Turn 1 was probably better than we're expecting. And like the second part was probably as we were expecting. So it's just we're still learning about the car, it's as simple as that.

This track is very different. The tarmac is quite odd. Maybe that played into our hands a bit more than we were thinking, maybe with the old tarmac, we would have struggled a bit more. So just little things, you know. We're not making it up. We're giving our honest opinion on where we want to be. I think if we were to go into a weekend, and we knew we're going to be strong, we've said it. So more often than not, we don't feel that optimistic, because all year we’ve been behind Red Bull, all year we've been behind Ferrari, there's no reason for us to suddenly think we should be ahead.

But yeah, nothing really pointed to us having an amazing race today, especially the Sprint race yesterday, which was our best kind of version of events of what can go down. But things just went to plan and kind of went very smoothly from that point onwards. You know, I didn't make a mistake in Turn 1 and go off. It's a good start. And got past the Aston and then you can just control the race. And that was very different to yesterday.

Interviewer: Couple of moments I wanted to ask you about. First, what were you thinking in the middle of the race when the VSC came out just after you passed the pit lane entry?

Lando: I knew it. Yeah, there was a few f-words and s-words and so on. I knew it because it was obvious it was going to be a VSC. But it just didn't come out. So I was saying to myself, like, ‘I bet it's going to come out as soon as I go around the last corner’, and it literally did. So even my engineer said it. I said it to him. Luckily, it stayed out a long time and then it obviously went to Safety Car.

It was good, I think our strategy worked out well. I felt confident in the first stint, so I could go a very long time. If the VSC went out before I got around to the pit lane I would have been a lot more annoyed than I am right now. But yeah, things obviously went our way for sure. Because it made the Red Bulls have to stop again. And that obviously put me out ahead of Checo with the Ferrari in between us. And that probably saved me a little bit.

Interviewer: Talk us through the battle with Checo in those last 17 laps. Were you surprised he didn't get closer?

Lando: Hard to say. I think it's a track where when you're in control and you can manage things, it can really be in your favour. And I think that's where the race was so different for us yesterday, you know. I was behind the whole pack. You overheat your tyres, you just struggle. There’s not a lot you can do. And today I could control things on my own. I could break away from Charles very quickly. And then Charles was holding up Checo a lot. And Checo probably had to use a lot of his tyres to try and get past him. So yeah, it depends how you think of it. I probably maybe expected a bit more of a battle but then when I know how much he pushed in the beginning to pass the Ferrari, itt allowed me to be a bit more comfortable, which was a nice thing.

Journalist Questions:

Q1 (Jérôme Bourret - L'Equipe) To all of you, may I ask who you your general opinion about the race returning in China? What about the track? What about the atmosphere? And what about the new Sprint format? Positive any negative? What is your general opinion?

Lando: Not a lot more to add [than Maxis answer]. Probably a better layout than last year for sure. The track… it was my first time finishing a race here, so it feels good. But I agree with Max. To be honest, I'd always prefer the old, original race format. This is what I've grown up watching, it's what I've always liked the most. I do like just going in and having the pressure straightaway.

So the fact of having one practice straight into qualifying I do like it. I think it gives people less chance to just get the car perfect and I think that's when you just start to see team, team, team, team rather than a mix. So I do think it works from that perspective. But the main point is just the toll it has on mechanics and engineers. I don't think it's too bad for us as drivers, honestly. I don't think we can be the ones to complain at all. It’s the hundreds of mechanics and engineers that we have here that have to travel so much. It's not healthy for them, it is not sustainable.

So yeah, the problem is not with us. So, it's not something you should be asking us. It’s something that people should look out more for the rest of the team. And I think that's a limiting factor, not the fact of can we go in the car every day, because I think we can but not doing too much for them I think is the priority.

Q1: What about the fans, Lando? Were there many 'Lando Norris' banners in the grandstand?

Lando: There were a couple.

Max: Lots of a girls. Load of girls were really supporting Lando, you know. "Lando! Lando!"

Lando: I’m not surprised. I didn't notice that, to be honest with you, so you’ve got a good eye, Max. I was looking at the track! The fans are always good here. They're passionate. There was a lot of them obviously. Like, the support Zhou gets here is beautiful to see at the same time. So yeah, hopefully after this year I've got a few more and it’s only my second time here, so again next year maybe even more.

[lover-of-skellies]

Underfell sans? probably would be low maybe, but I'm curious.

Shockingly enough, his rating is actually an 8. He’s a safer option, but not by much due to his temper and how accustomed he is to reacting to anything unexpected with violence and aggression. But alas, such is the way of the Underfell monsters, I suppose

1) How dangerous is his mouth? Much like his brother, his teeth are sharp. The exact sharpness is up for debate, since I think think there’s anything from his creator regarding that, but for now, they appear sharp enough to be dangerous. So sadly, I have to give him a 0. His mouth is dangerous, and you better hope you don’t surprise him or piss him off

2) Would he bite, and his he aggressive? I don’t see him biting on purpose, but if he was startled, that’s a different story. His aggression though is undeniable. His entire personality at this point is him being an edgy tsundere with anger management issues. He has no qualms against fighting and throwing hands with others, or threatening them in one way or another, and due to being from Underfell, being that way just seems to be standard procedure for the monsters there. He loses a potential point for being so aggressive, but I can give him 1 point for not being a purposeful biter. Accidents happen, yeah, but he may or may not have more smooching experience than his brother, which could possibly make up for that.

3) Are there any health hazards for the smoocher? Unfortunately, yes there are. His sharp teeth are a bit of a potential hazard on their own, but then pair that with his temper/attitude and his magical abilities. If he somehow thought you were about to attack him instead of smooching, you’re going to get very hurt, very fast. Since he’s the type to act now and think later, he wouldn’t have anything against defending himself from whatever threat is there in front of him, even if the perceived threat is just that: perceived. Assuming you asked nicely beforehand or made it clear what you wanted to do, then he might be ok with it. He’d think you were being a weirdo and he’d probably act like it never happened out of embarrassment, but I’ll give him 1 point since there’s a chance that he might be safe enough to try smooching, if you went about doing it correctly

4) Does Red have a sympathetic backstory? When you consider the underground that he had to raise Edge in, the constant threat of being ganged up on and hurt for literally any reason under the sun, and the stress of having to support himself and his brother, yeah, I’d say he deserves a little sympathy. That’s not even counting the kind of treatment that he has to endure from Edge and everyone else that’s in his AU. He likely has a lot of depression and anxiety due to his treatment, living conditions, and the knowledge of the resets, he very likely has lots of trust issues and problems forming attachments because of the environment itself, and his self esteem is probably nonexistent. He needs therapy and some genuine friends more than anything else, and he needs to be somewhere that’s not as harsh and abrasive. The mental and emotional issues don’t excuse his poor attitude itself, but it at least gives somewhat of an explanation for it, and yeah, I’d say his backstory is pretty sympathetic. He gets 2 points for his sad backstory

5) Does he deserve a smooch? He’s rude beyond belief and he’s very rough around the edges, but considering everything he’s gone through and had to deal with his entire life, yes, I’d say smooches are deserved. 2 points for this area

6) Is he cute or cool? His design itself is really cool to me, since I think it’s simple but very effective in helping him stand out from other Sanses, and he’s got this very lone wolf, angsty teen sort of energy about him. When done correctly that could give him cool points, as long as he’s not turned into the butt end of a joke anywhere along the line. He’s been portrayed in such a way that while cute moments are extremely rare, I actually have seen them happen once or twice. Taking that into consideration, I’d say he gets another 2 points here

In total, Red’s smooch-ability rating is 8, surprisingly enough. He has quite the temper and is prone to violence just like his brother, but from what we know, he does use at least a decent amount of self control to kinda balance it out a little. Kissing him is something that could be done, but you’d have to know him really well and communicate what you wanted beforehand, or else it’s just not happening. If you’re a total stranger trying to smooch him, then you can bet your ass you’d get pretty beat up and injured in some way by him. All in all, in depends on familiarity and circumstances, but an 8 seems pretty fair to me

[stillness138]

can i ask for two characters: gezras of leyda and thaler? if not you can choose one of them xD

oooh nice, thanks! gonna do both

and cut it because it's gonna get long :D

Thaler

first impression:

i think i first saw him in gwent actually, and that was when 'silver spies' were still a thing. he was a pretty good card back then. only learned about his character once i watched a witcher 3 playthrough on youtube though. i don't recall it that well, but if i thought anything particular, it was probably "i hope he'll wash his hands at some point soon" because he's literally peeing at the start of the cutscene.

impression now:

he's cool! questionable hygiene aside, i love characters that have like, a thing? as in, a simple but fun premise or at least a surface reading. he's a spy, but very dedicated to the shoemaker cover, and that's how he manages to get by in an occupied land. i like that there's a little throughline with him about appearances often being deceiving. the shoes are one thing, but even further, he seems like a crude, self-serving bum, yet his loyality to Temeria is something so integral it's not even a question. This country really lucked out on devoted spies. Foltest was just that charismatic.

favorite thing about him:

willingness to do anything, no matter how uncomfortable, for the country. i think i like it because it's different from Roche's brand of servitude. again, cdpr is pretty good at writing ocs.

thinking about it now, he reminds me of a few guys i know. rural Temeria is, from an outside view, a cold, wet, kinda bleak bumfuck middle of nowhere, yet Thaler has this air of loving the physical country for what it is - he even mentions that he prefers the travelling more than a different cover like being an innkeep. like it doesn't bother him that it's cold, it seems he finds comfort in it in his own way. i find that kinda sweet.

least favorite thing:

seriously mate wash your hands 😭

i'd also rather cdpr didn't make him a vessel for racist jokes in the first game. (i swear i was looking for the exact clip where he talks about Azar and couldn't find it, i need to play the first game properly...)

favorite line/scene:

[how are you doing?] "A bit like a potato beetle. I keep quiet, stay outta trouble, and live on fucking potatoes."

i saw only a few scenes from witcher 1 and they were dubbed in czech, which adds to the hilarity of it to me, but his voice actor probably had a field day with it. "Nedělej si ze mě kurva srandu, seš zasranej amatér." [Geralt: will you play poker with me? Thaler: Don't fucking bullshit me, you're a goddamn amateur.]

favorite interaction he has with another character:

befriending and handling the three trolls. game Lambert has something to learn from him in that regard.

a character that I wish he would interact with more (or at all):

imagine if he appeared in the second game in any capacity, that would've been fun. in wild hunt, it's the same as with Roche: i wish the entire politics plotline was better. if i had to pick one character, it'd be Letho. there would be a lot of profanities but i actually believe Thaler would have more to say than even Roche at Kaer Morhen.

another character from another fandom that reminds me of him:

again i only know 5 things, and the only method acting spy in elder scrolls is Caius Cosades from Morrowind, whose similarities to Thaler pretty much end at taking a cover story too seriously.

as a side note though, i went to tv tropes to look at character lists in case i forgot about someone i actually do know, and in "sir swears-a-lot" subpage for videogame characters i found Thaler twice; gwent has its own separate mention. legends only.

a headcanon about him:

if Roche likes architecture, i think Thaler really enjoys music. maybe he even plays the lute. i'm also really curious about his youth and how he ended up a spy, but i do think it's quite different than Roche's background. i imagine he had a lot of friends as a kid and a comparably normal home life, but always showed talent for remembering what people say and for getting them to say even more.

a song that reminds me of him:

it's more vibes based than anything, but this czech song, most known from a movie. zmrzlinář means ice cream seller. it's all kinda... reminiscing, nostalgia and trying to find something nice or poetic in ordinary things (and in the case of the movie, in a shitty political regime). short movie version isn't on youtube, so i gotta upload it here.

an unpopular opinion about him:

this is less about the text and more meta, but i genuinely think he has a load of potential for exploring loyality, northern politics, motivation, and tropes or trope subversion (like the appearance thing i mentioned), but people sleep on him because Roche is right there. that's not to say dissecting Roche doesn't have merit - like i said, they're similar, but each has a different approach to what they do and what they believe.

favorite picture:

probably the gwent card. it says what it needs to and is surprisingly fun or even whimsical for a character most known for swearing on every third word. i think that's a neat choice though.

Gezras

first impression:

the cat school is, beside manticore, my favourite, so when the witcher expansion dropped i was curious who the leader will be next to Erland or Ivar. i wasn't disappointed. pretty sure i thought he's cute.

impression now:

*gently holds*

where Erland continued performing the trials to create a knightly order, Gezras and the growing cat school did it to protect themselves. it's the witcher dissected towards its core; a cycle of abuse maintained as something deemed necessary despite its harmfulness, out of desperation, out of a sense of belonging, out of losing touch with what's enough and what's too much.

and all that in pursuit of autonomy. Gezras; sold, experimented on, discarded, hunted. the fact the formula used on him was meant to suppress emotion yet ended up doing the opposite is a testament to that - this is about being treated as human. the trials are literally reclaimed, to strengthen other abandoned and thrown-out stray kids. to enact revenge. it's no wonder then that they'd seek refuge with the elves. the cat school was the one that took systemic oppression the most personally.

favorite thing about him:

that he's a unique exploration of the things i just mentioned. i find this very compelling and him relatable on that level, as an abuse survivor myself.

also his gwent card art and the bags under his eyes. that's relatable too.

least favorite thing:

it's meta again because i'm near incapable of judging the character without judging the writer: the little bit there is in gwent leans too much towards the edgy. he does have one voiceline about elven sages which i find especially interesting, but given that his trial ended up enhancing all emotions, if you want to show that somehow, give me rapid mood swings or something like that. gimme nuance!

this is me wanting every minor character to have dimensions.

favorite line/scene:

his flavor text; "Take a contract from Aen Seidhe over a dh'oine any day, as you’re far less likely to receive a knife between the ribs in place of coin."

favorite interaction he has with another character:

i think he actually has no lines or scenes with any named characters apart from the expansion key art where all the founders are together, because unlike the other three, he wasn't in the tabletop rpg books. i do however like his card's interaction with the bronze that happens to have my most favourite card art. there's awesome fanart about it too!

a character that I wish he would interact with more (or at all):

any named elf of his era, naturally, and especially the sages, but i am actually curious how he'd react to all of the other founders. Erland, i think i can imagine, but given both Arnaghad and Ivar ended up opposing Erland, that'd be more interesting. and even Iwan, the founder of manticore school as per the trpg, maybe he'd be the one Gezras would find most common ground with actually. If only for leaving the other three to their squabbles and seeking work and protection in a more equal society.

another character from another fandom that reminds me of him:

this is weird and i'm going to bring it up again, but Gezras reminds me of Allinall's work. weird because these are takes or adaptations of other media - particularly elder scrolls and berserk - but he specifically brings forth similar themes; conflicts of humans and elves, othering and otherness, cyclical abuse, coping mechanisms. the concrete characters i'm thinking of are Allinall's oc from the elder scrolls project and Rosine (and by extension the in-world fairytale character Peekaf) from the berserk project.

the nameless oc, mostly referred to as "One-Ear", had mixed parents, their human father cut their ear off in an attempt to hide their identity, even though their yellow sclera is undeniably elven. they join (or rather, their vulnerable state of trauma is exploited and they're indoctrinated by) a regime that aims to end material existence. Rosine is also a domestic abuse survivor, a village girl who comes across a promise of power in the form of an evil artifact that turns her into a moth-like elf monster. she starts devolving into bloodthirst and allows for horrible stuff to happen in order to maintain a fantasy of comfort and freedom.

a headcanon about him:

i didn't come up with it, but i love the idea that him and the saber-tooth tiger were buddies.

i think it's safe to assume that he's not actually from Leyda. if he was mutated at Stygga, he more likely was a local kid from Ebbing. I do also think he stayed in Dol Blathanna at some point when the school was wandering around, though.

and maybe that's too shallow, but i like to imagine he did genuinely enjoy being in nature. and if he ever conducted any trials by his own, he might've been notably good at herbology.

a song that reminds me of him:

'To Die' by Allinall (relating to One-Ear), and Peekaf Song (to Rosine).

as for more personal picks, my forever favourite, Nihilist Blues by Bring Me The Horizon (and Grimes); "do you mind if i'm exhumed?"

and Unraveled by Lorn, which is kinda ambient, but i like the harsher noises and associate it with my own search-for-identity oc.

an unpopular opinion about him:

Gezras is more interesting to me personally because of that focus on abuse, autonomy and revenge, and he's already a bit on the side because Erland and Arnaghad's conflict is at the forefront when this era of witchers comes up, but i think Ivar Evil-Eye needs even more love. despite being in the trpg, no one talks about him (he has that in common with Thaler i guess) and that's a disservice to the viper school as a whole, i think it's just as fascinating and has just as much unique and profound stuff to say as the cat school's story.

favorite picture:

his gwent card is in my top 20, but i especially like his reward tree portrait; it's the most detailed likeness we have. the mega tired eyes just draw me in.

[sketch-guardian]

Mc going out and ‘kidnapping’ Mobim no one noticing and everyone panicking wondering 2 things

1.where’s Mobim?!

2.where’s mc?!

Only to find out they went out shopping/to a carnival R.A.D classmates of course or just a little one shot and if your wondering why didn’t they call mc,mc either

A.forgot there phone

B.it died

C.you choose idc

A bit out of context, but can I say I adore your boundless love for Mobim?🤣I mean, I'm not sure why you like that little curse so much exactly🤔but I find it cute☺💕which I imagine Domnra would agree with, except when MC would "kidnap" Mobim without permission first🙈like in this scenario😂

Still I find the concept very funny for an ask and I will write it in headcanons as usual, because I'm not very confident in my ability to write one shots or longer scenarios😥and as an option among those you have proposed for MC, I think I will use (B), it seems the most likely one🤷🏻I'll also set the scene in a carnival🎉because I think it would be a nice experience for Mobim✨anyway let's start:

RAD CLASSMATES WITH A MC GOING OUT WITH MOBIM WITHOUT NOTIFYING THEM AND EVERYONE PANICKING ABOUT THEIR DISAPPEARANCE

DEMYA

Although Demya and Domnra don't get along very well, this would be one of the times they would find themselves working together for a common purpose, namely to find MC and Mobim, people they both care about. In fact for once she would commit herself to help without making too much fuss. As everyone might expect, Demya would begin to panic as soon as she realizes that MC's D.D.D seems off, already imagining eventualities such as a kidnapping with both the human and the small curse involved, in short, she would assume that some demon at this point has used Mobim to lure her mate into a trap or ambush, perhaps to ask for a ransom or out of pure and simple sadism, perhaps even as an affront to her and the other RAD classmates, her instinct would direct her towards such connection. With such ideas settled in her mind, Demya would enter hunting mode and use her nose to track down Mobim and MC, noting as moments progress that they seem to be close enough, confirming her hypothesis that the two are together. This would lead her to a carnival currently held in Devildom and although the presence of food would distract her/disturb her search through smells somewhat, since her senses would be heightened by both anxiety and demonic nature, she would eventually find them and run towards MC and Mobim, relieved that they are okay. It's likely that Demya would later punish her mate for not having warned her and for having made her worry (no need to worry, by punishment at most she means like nibbling, licking and cuddling MC without them complaining for once-), but such attitude would pass quite quickly and once warned Domnra of the situation, Demya would spend the rest of the day having fun in the carnival with MC and Mobim (MC should be careful not to exaggerate with the affection towards Mobim though, because Demya would get jealous and then bring Mobim back to Domnra holding it by its tail with her mouth as a revenge)

DOMNRA(MOBIM)

Among the RAD classmates Domnra would rightly be the most worried one, being in a certain sense the direct interested in the matter, not only because no one seemed to know where to find Mobim, with whom he literally shares part of his soul and that if in danger it wouldn't be able to defend itself, but apparently also MC seemed untraceable and a part of Domnra would have some suspicions that the human and the little curse could be together, given that his partner would usually spend a lot of time with Mobim, committed to spoiling it or treating it like a baby. The problem would be that he hasn't received any notice, neither from MC nor from Mobim, so Domnra would start to get agitated and upset, thinking that they're in danger. The thing that would make Domnra panic even more would be the fact that usually Mobim knows it has to stay still in one place to be traced, because after all, as the two share a soul, through such bond they always know how to find each other in some way, therefore perceiving that Mobim is moving, his concern would grow even more, because it would mean that something or someone is forcing the little curse not to carry out the procedure they both agreed on. Through soul tracing, albeit with some strain, Domnra would eventually be able to reach MC and Mobim inside the carnival and once found, he would scold them both, however although a bit extreme, his anger would only be due to great concern and this could be understood from his slightly broken voice. Domnra would also point out to his partner that Mobim is a part of him and that if something happened to it... he too would suffer the consequences, so he would advise MC to bring him too next time and not to separate them (as a date? Probably, but Domnra would be too tsundere to admit such thing)

Mobim would feel very guilty, because it just wanted to please MC and having never been to a carnival, it was curious to live such experience with its friend, however Mobim didn't want to make anyone angry or worried, so it would apologize and hug everyone involved. It's likely that due to the stress caused, Domnra, MC and Mobim would return back home after the end of the event

AZUL

Aware of how important Mobim is for Domnra, both from an health and emotional point of view and realizing that MC seems to have disappeared as well since they won't pick up their D.D.D, for once Azul would assume a more responsible attitude and would help his friend in the research of both the small curse and the human, because in the end he would be worried too, especially for his lovely star, moreover...it would be the least Azul can do, considering the help and comfort that Domnra has provided him in their early years in Devildom. In any case, Azul would prove to be quite frantic in their search, asking ghosts here and there if they've seen them by any chance and doing everything while flying to mark more territory and to have a better chance of seeing them perhaps from above. Often changing mood rather easily and quickly, Azul would be seen to change colors several times, though the most prominent colors would be purple, which equates to fear, and dark blue, which equates to sadness. He would be a whirlwind of feelings and above all confused by the fact that MC, before leaving, didn't tell him if they were going anywhere in particular, while as far as Mobim is concerned, Azul would know that it would never go too far alone. He wouldn't immediately connect the two cases, but after some tips from other creatures, Azul would come to the conclusion that the human and the little curse seem to be together and that the most likely place where they could be would be the carnival recently inaugurated in Devildom. Once found, Azul would run to reach them, checking their conditions, at first relieved that they're fine. However his colors would then change to red, which signifies anger and he would pinch the cheeks of both MC and Mobim, warning them in a disturbing cheerful tone that if they try to do something like that again without any kind of warning, they will be personally punished by him (again nothing transcendental, the maximum for Mobim would be a diet without sweets, while for MC it could be a dare to wear strange cosplays with him as well as going out only with him and not the seven brothers for a week in a row, nothing too bad). In the end, having recovered from the mood swing, Azul would warn Domnra of what happened and reassure him that he would take care of everything in his absence, thus continuing to going out with MC and Mobim in the carnival between games, attractions and photos

ZURI

She'd be surprised that Mobim can't seem to be found anywhere, knowing it doesn't usually stray too far from Domnra unless distracted, but even then, the little curse would be usually nearby, and considering its size, it wouldn't be able to travel long distances in a short time. The mystery would thicken as soon as Zuri would realize that MC's D.D.D is turned off and therefore not contactable in any way, in which case the anxiety would begin to start, however she would try to keep calm and keep the situation under control, because in the end panic would only hinder searches and would not benefit anyone. Slightly annoyed by the inconvenience, Zuri would start contacting other people such as Lucifer, Barbatos or Solomon, in an attempt to find out if anyone else had seen or heard from her beloved during the day, or even just seen Mobim around Devildom. Asking for help isn't exactly her style, but since it's an important matter, she'd put her pride aside for once. Not having much luck, in the end Zuri would end up resorting to a spell, tracing a path left by MC and Mobim thanks to some traces of their magic and thus noticing that the two seem to have followed the same path, which would eventually lead her to a carnival. Eventually when she would bump into them on the way, the situation would become quite tense, because Zuri would feel like she was made fun of for worrying for no good reason and when she gets annoyed, it's very similar to Lucifer, not for the punishments, but for her frightening aura and for her penetrating and cold gaze. MC and Mobim would get scolded, having been irresponsible in not informing anyone about them hanging out, and although Zuri would not punish them, since they're both clever enough beings, she would still not refrain from giving them a long and tedious lecture that they would hardly forget and that should have taught them an important lesson. It's likely that Zuri will then warn Domnra and have him come to pick Mobim up. Once alone with her beloved, she would offer them the option of either keep staying in the carnival for a little longer or returning home (Zuri understands MC cares deeply about Mobim, but she thinks it was quite inconsiderate to Domnra to bring the little curse along without his consent, although Mobim agreed because it was happy to spend time with MC)

ODON

Honestly, Odon would be the only RAD classmate not to be worried, especially because unlike the others, they would know without a doubt where MC and Mobim would be, since they're able to see everything that happens in Devildom in real time thanks to the eye-like creatures that act as sort of sentries, so Odon wouldn't understand why the others haven't simply asked them directly sooner, however they would be understanding and not offended, imagining that it would actually be more logical to make a first attempt with MC's D.D.D to find out their position, even if Odon's method would be more reliable. From what Domnra would later report to Odon, MC's D.D.D would seem to be turned off or unreachable due to poor signal (not being an expert with technology, Odon had to have it explained-), therefore for this reason they would be required to get their dear friend MC and the little curse personally, since they know their exact location. Odon would be happy to help and be useful, however they would be slightly hesitant to intervene and disturb the two missing people during their free time, having not been invited in the first place, however they would eventually decide to go, deeming it the best strategy. Having never been to a carnival, once they arrive at the destination, Odon would be a little distracted by the colorful attractions and games of the carnival, intrigued by the happiness that seems to be present in such place, they wouldn't even pay too much attention to the other demons moving around hastily, stepping out of their way. In any case, in the end Odon would find MC and Mobim and welcome them with a smile and a kind greeting, probably not informing them that their meeting was not entirely a coincidence. They would calmly inform them that Domnra and the others were looking for them in concern and that perhaps next time it would be better to warn them to prevent something like that from happening again. Odon wouldn't mind leaving their dear friend MC alone with Mobim, knowing the human would be able to fend for themselves, moreover their eye-like creatures would always be there in case of danger anyway. Still, after notifying the other RAD classmates of the health conditions of MC and Mobim, Odon would ask them if they could continue going through the carnival together, curious to discover how the various carnival rides work and to experience them firsthand

[hobiebrownismygod]

Hi!!! This is the-cat-and-the-birdie 😁😁😁

I just wanted to ask - and sorry if this is weird! But I know Maitreyi is Indian as are you, and I know Diwali is coming up soon. I just wanted to know if Maitreyi celebrates Diwali, and if so does she do anything with Hobie?

I just thought Hobie participating in Diwali would be beautiful so I wanted to ask! Anyway, I love your work and think you're an amazing addition to the fandom. Can wait to read anything new you put out 🧡 thanks for all your effort

Because she was taken away from her family when she was young, she never really got to participate in celebrations like Diwali and considering the fact that there aren’t really any other Indian superheroes in her universe, she couldn’t share her culture with them or really go to any events.

I like to think that Pav invited her to his family's Diwali festival for the first time, which his Aunt Maya usually hosts, and he convinced Hobie to come too (he ships them like crazy) so they could both have that experience.

Maitreyi was hesitant at first, cause she wasn’t sure if she’d fit in well but when she found out Hobie was coming, she decided she’d go (cuz she’s a simp)

Pavi took her took her to get a red saree (for valor) to wear and got her measured and everything. She acted like she wasn’t interested in it but she was actually really excited to wear one.

Hobie wore a gold kurta (for prosperity) cause Pav forced him to, while Pav himself wore a lighter yellow color (happiness) Gayatri wore a simpler pink lehenga (love) and the two of them matched pretty well. But he was only able to see Gayatri for a while before she had to leave to celebrate with her family and because Inspector Singh doesn’t like Pav :(

Maitreyi's saree on the top left, Hobie's kurta on the top right, Gayatri's lehenga on the bottom left and Pavitr's kurta on the bottom right! Disclaimer: I'm not saying this is what they look like, I'm just saying this is what the clothes would look like.

Side Note: Hobie would look so freaking good in a kurta like do you guys see my vision? Can someone draw him in a kurta I'm literally begging 😭. This tall ass mf would pull it off so well!!

When he saw Maitreyi in her saree for the first time, Hobie was a tiny bit awestruck, cause he doesn't see her in much other than her suit and streetwear and even then, she's very reserved and quiet around him. He kind of let out a soft "you look beautiful" when he saw her and she got so nervous she was barely able to respond. He was just trying to be nice cause he genuinely thought she looked really pretty, but she probably felt like she was going to explode. She was able to croak out a simple thank you but acted like an idiot (all sappy and dorky) around him for the rest of the festival. (She's so silly I'm totally not projecting)

While Maitreyi and Pav did rangoli in front of his house, Hobie was busy lighting all the lamps and candles and getting out the firecrackers. Pav had a lot of family over but none of them minded Maitreyi and Hobie being there, despite being a little confused by Hobie’s presence. What was a British punk doing in India?? Lmao

During the actual celebration, Hobie went kind of crazy over the firecrackers. Controlled explosions? The perfect combination of chaos and command tbh. He lit up more than half of the supply and at some point Pav had to ask him to leave some for the rest of his cousins to play with. But even then, Hobie stayed with those cousins and helped them light the firecrackers too cause a lot of them were young and scared (he’s so good with kids 😭). Like I could imagine him seeing a little kid who was holding a little matchstick in his hand and slowly trying to approach a firecracker and being like "hey mate, y'want some help? S'not scary at all, promise, lemme give you a hand" in his deep voice.

Maitreyi loved the Diwali sparklers, the ones that looked like incense sticks but when lit would burn and crackle. She would wave them around and create these beautiful patterns of smoke in the air, gracefully twirling the incense stick to draw these complicated designs that only lasted a part of a second. Hobie and the rest of the little kids would watch her in awe, excitedly asking her to draw different patterns to which she gladly obliged. Hobie was acting more like an excited kid than the rest, asking her to write his name with the smoke and more (Let the traumatized man release his inner child!) She found it cute.

When he decided to give it a try, she held his hand and helped him calmly (even though she was basically screaming with happiness on this inside), gently moving his hand in different directions and helping him create the same patterns. He's a bit clumsy, and his hands are fairly shaky so she'd kind of hold his hand firmly so the lines he drew into the air would be straight and so his movements would be a little more fluid. What she didn't realize was that he was staring at her with a smile the whole time while she was focused on the sparks. (I'm getting butterflies just writing this omg 😭)

This is what the Diwali sparklers look like in action!! When you move them around, the light stays behind for just a split second and makes it look like you're drawing. People usually wave them in circles or in zig zag lines for fun, but you can also make really quick shapes like squares if you're fast enough. You can even write out the letters of your name!

Overall they all really enjoyed the celebration and Maitreyi made Pav promise to invite her again next year!!

thank you so much for this ask, I had a lot of fun writing it and I love the way it turned out even if I went a little overboard with the details 😭! @the-cat-and-the-birdie

Btw I love your spider-Sona, Diane, I read all your posts about her and Hobie and they’re literally the cutest. Maitreyi would definitely think Diane was the coolest and feel so safe around her because of what a strong, badass woman she is 😭

[soulfullofold]

continuing from previous post but uuuuuuuu not sure if this is remotely interesting to people but i'm taking a ceramics class rn and it's consumed my life completely

i'm out of university so i am auditing it. which has its own unique challenges of working full time + missing work for class + having to put in so many extra & odd hours in the studio to get assignments done. it's really nice to be in an academic setting again. I never actually took an art class in college...well...I took a 300lvl Art History class and tecchhhnically an ART class but focused on motion picture / film so not a proper studio art class with critique and studio hours. it's a nice new experience is my point. I was signed up for wheel throwing but they had to split the class into two sections so I got put in hand building instead (so that the actual students could take wheel LOL). it's fine; i really don't mind hand building. but we're starting from scratch scratch and i'm like. I just want to make weird sculptures not tiles but i understand and respect the progression of the class.

i'm pretty proud of what i'm making (even with the railroady assignments) and i really like our professor. she's really good about involving students in more complex things if they ask, and i love to ask. like please teach me how to make your own glaze and how to load / unload the kiln...

today i was sitting at my work desk just daydreaming about how to continue doing this after this class. i know ceramics is expensive as hell but it's also like. not That bad all things considered. like clay isn't too too bad, and you can recycle a lot of it from your tools and messed up projects. even if you have like. 1-2 glazes that you return to over and over again, it helps establish your identity as an artist so there's no need to have like a bajillion different options necessarily, as nice as it would be. even a wheel isn't required since you can hand build everything. a slab roller would be nice and so would a K I L N but you know how it is. studio membership is pretty expensive but at least i could have access to these things if needed. anyways i went on kilnshare and the nearest kiln to me is ~2 hours away. but i stalked the lady who ran the studio and learned all about her LOL (she shares prolifically on FB). And it's just....yeah i dunno. it would be cool to keep it up if I could.

But also I know I have a tendency to throw my entire self into whatever I do, no matter how mundane it is. So I'm like. Okay do we REALLY need to deep dive into all of this ceramics stuff and try and source a kiln and clay and build a studio (whaaaat)? I've literally been doing this for 3 or 4 weeks. What Gives. Cool The Jets. I did this with screen printing and block printing and embroidery to a lesser extent and it's just...I'm not in a place to afford RENT why am I like 👀 oh let's see if anyone is selling their used $5k kiln haa haa. Don't worry. I will definitely have a place for it and be able to literally power it with enough electricity.

I really enjoy sculpting and I think the ability to make Functional art is very very cool. And to produce it relatively easier (compared to a painting which is...a huge huge time sink for not a lot of replicable effort imo). I'm also happier experimenting with sculpture than I am with paint, I dunno. It's a different brain space to me.

The clay dust must be congealing in my brain. Clown Brain is a very accurate title; it's like clown lung but for my art-related decision making. I guess I'm just in the honeymoon stage with ceramics. I really am enjoying it very much, even if I do sometimes have to spend 14 hours straight in the studio to get projects done or come in multiple times per day or whatever. And it's literally just the most simple hand building projects that I just like to make crazy complicated for fun.

Yesterday and today I made 100 pinch pots :) Mugs are SOON since we learn handles tomorrow. mother of god it's all real. once my tiles are through the glaze firing, i will post them. also i found out someone's project blew up and took mine out with it in the bisque. i spent like 40 hrs on that thang. Great. but i'm trying to stay positive.

AND . sorry this is so rambly i'm just on little sleep and many thoughtless hours hunched over a banding wheel. and it has been nice, i think, to just make art i want to make again. (holds my hands out like spongebob about to be squished) I MEAN like . non arpg personal art. just like. yeah i want to draw a hill with a distant figure on it. no it's not an oc and no i don't have to score it for points and no i don't have to show or explain it to literally anyone. like i'm enjoying experimenting with subject matter that i like outside of twwm / esk after my fallout from exiting staff. also that is a whole other can of worms i am still processing so if you know me from that space, i am very sorry for the sudden change and for the little to no explanation for the sake of being professional but you can dm me and we can talk about it if you're curious. i don't hold any ill will for the game and i'm so happy that people are still enjoying it and their characters outside of me but man i have had experiences and many many thoughts.

okay that snuck in outta nowhere YAY sculpting YAY someone stop me from trying to randomly derail my life and create a pottery studio in the backyard i don't own

[zipper-neck]

I invite any advice on this...

So I had a fallout with my stepdad for the same reason I fell out with my sister years ago: They had asked me, just making conversation as I was preparing to leave the house, "Where are you going?" And I know perfectly well they didn't mean to cross any boundaries, but I am a very private person — and I remember as a child, when adults asked you "What are you doing?/ Where are you going?", it was because they were suspicious and meant to hinder you, like getting pulled over by a cop. I want my activities to be completely unnoticed (even if it's just going to the grocery store). This type of question strongly annoys me.

Anyways, in each case with my sister and stepdad, I had responded in a way I THOUGHT was level and diplomatic but both of them took it as rudeness. With my sister, I had said something like "Please don't ask that question," but she said my tone was aggressive. And I was like, yes I sounded angry because I WAS angry! But can't you tell I'm trying my best to keep my tone measured and not instead snap "Mind your own business!" like I wanted to? That's the problem with this situation is that I can't leave and cool off and answer their question later, because not answering would be seen as rude too! I eventually would apologize and say I was wrong, and ultimately she never asked me that question again, so the confrontation "worked."

So I tried to take this lesson and be even more level when my stepdad asked the same question, so I said, "I take that as an invasive question," and abruptly left out the door. (So not terribly successful.) I COULD have just answered where I was going, but at that moment I was in a nasty mood and I wanted his habit of asking tedious interrogative questions to end then and there (my sister agrees his method of conversation comes off as interrogative which annoys both of us so I'm not exaggerating too much here).

Both times, I was also operating on the advice that it's better to talk out grievances than to say nothing and stew in resentment to avoid outbursts later, right? But if I upset people by betraying my anger while trying to speak diplomatically, what's the point? Like, I get it, I've been angry because although someone made a simple request of me, I didn't like their slightly annoyed tone. But I let it go because I knew they were still trying to be as nice as they could in that moment and have the problem fixed.

But stepdad was more hurt than sister was, in a way I am having trouble understanding via his text message. He didn't like being rebuffed only for trying to show interest in me and my life, and I get that. He said "I didn't cross any fucking boundaries," which is true only because I had not yet established this boundary with him and was then attempting to do so, so he is not responsible for having no prior expectation of it. But this can also maybe be read, "I did not cross any REASONABLE boundaries," as in the level of privacy most people are expected not to cross.

But he has already been unhappy with my increase in secretive behavior lately and refusal to explain anything (a story I plan to tell them 10 years from now, it's that kind of a secret). He went on to say, "You can't shut out your family," and this is where I can't tell what he's thinking because he has different notions of familial bonds than me. Like, what is he smoking? I don't tell my family about shit unless I'm compelled to, it's been that way my whole life. Family is literally the LAST people I want to know about anything (I only trust the confessional of Tumblr strangers). Don't get me wrong, they are not abusive. I'm just super uncomfortable around people who Know Too Much about me, and if they live in my house, there's no escaping the discomfort if I regret opening up to them. But I think stepdad takes this personally? I wonder if it would help if I explained, "I'm not keeping things from you specifically; I'm keeping everything from everyone." I think he expects more openness in familial bonds in an idyllic fantasy, evinced by one time when he said I ought to use their Amazon Prime account and I said no, because he'd be able to see my browsing/purchase history. (And also fuck Amazon.) And he said, "You shouldn't be embarrassed, we're family." And I thought, "Did it cross your mind you could start seeing dildos on the 'for you' page? Again, what are you smoking?"

But the worst is that ultimately he wants a bond with his stepchildren and I am totally uninterested. And I think it's important I never admit this, that I never say, "Just literally treat me like a sublet tenant, please ignore me and don't take an interest in my life. And also don't expect holiday gifts from me because gifting is a pain in the ass. All I can give you is rent money because I can't provide an emotional bond. Aren't you so glad you live with me?" Like, there's a time when the truth should NOT be known.

Anyways. I haven't responded to his text yet because I don't know what I could say to make this better. I said sorry once but I seem to have caused even greater harm than I thought. I've been avoiding him all day. Any advice?