#like its fucking exhausting. as if im not tired enough already

[miami2k17]

there's so much shit i want to watch and read and play but i cant because i just have no time anymore. like when i was a teenager id clap a game a week and read for hours and finish entire 10+ season tv shows and now i have to come home and say would i like to eat or talk to my friends or spend time consuming media for 2-3 hours before its time to teleport back to work tomorrow cause i only have the energy for one! i can only do one of them whats it gonna be

[pepprs]

genuinely so angry and scared im shaking. how many other times this week this month this year have i been exposed without knowing it. do people even tell each other anymore. it’s just so grim. it’s so fucking grim

[magnoliamyrrh]

.

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[toastsnaffler]

ohhhhh my god girl i don't careeeee

[oetscop]

anyway reporting her to HR for refusing to use mine and another employees pronouns if she pulls this bullshit tomorrow ^_^

its so bizarre that the only people who gender me correctly and only rarely slip up are men and the ones who just refuse to even TRY are women.

[bpdumb]

i think the worst part about this bpd shit is that no matter what happens i am genuinely never going to heal properly like im always going to freak out over the tiniest shit & just crumble like it's so fucking exhausting

[lovecla]

IF YOU LOVE ME, LET ME KNOW | jack hughes.

chapter three:

➴ warnings: smut (semi-public, dirty talk, brief thigh riding, lingerie kink, degradation and praise at the same time? just filthy tbh)

➴ word count: 1.5k

➴ author’s note: …i have nothing to say for myself.

sophiamontenegro

liked by billboard, morgan.grace, nicohischier and 2,902,001 others.

sophiamontenegro 11/11 ♡

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sarahmeddler RIGHT ON MY BDAY TOO LETSS GOOO

billboard 🎤❤️‍🔥

morgan.grace i love u i love u i love u

jackhughes ❤️

lovssoph YESSSS YESSSS LORD YESSS

kyle_79283 @hugo98293 this is probably a good time to tell you that i wanna break up. bye

sophiamontenegro @kyle_79283 @hugo98293 nah that’s wild…

sophialeftboob sing ho!

ilovejackhughes70 WHY IS NO ONE TALKING ABOUT JACK BEING ALL OVER SOPHIA’S INSTAGRAM LIKE THAT MAN IS LIKING AND COMMENTING ON EVERY POST WHAT IS THIS BEHAVIOUR

user92893 @ilovejackhughes70 girl CHILL that little guy is a whore he’ll do anything for a girl including being active on social media

WITH all of the things you had to do before releasing your album, it had been almost two weeks since the last time you saw Jack.

Which, if you were to be one hundred percent honest, you were grateful for. Trying to figure out what you were feeling whenever you were around him was already hard enough to do on its own, now doing it with Jack around? Even worse.

You still texted everyday, although you didn’t know what that meant in your… fuck-buddies-situationship. With your previous arrangements, you only texted if one of you wanted to have sex. Besides that? Never.

But, in your ultimate defense, Jack was the one to start it. With simple texts like “hey, how are you?”, he built some type of text schedule between the two of you, and you wouldn’t be the one to break it.

To your extreme horror, you actually missed him: his masculine, clean scent, his warm hands around you, his jokes, his laugh, his kisses and his dick.

You often wondered if he was having sex with someone else during the time you were apart and that thought made you ache. You knew it wasn’t any of your business, and you knew he was technically allowed to do that— and so were you— but it still hurt nonetheless.

“Can we get some warm lighting on top of her, please?” The photographer’s voice brought you back to the present, where you were shooting some pictures for your collaboration with Skims. You never cared much about the Kardashians but damn if those lingerie didn’t look good on you.

Someone moved the lamp around so that the warm lighting was now hitting your face, and you started posing again. It was your last outfit, and you were tired. It was half past nine and after shooting for six hours straight, you just wanted to go home and sleep. But, you still had at least fifteen more minutes.

“That’s great, Soph, you look awesome.” The man complimented you, earning a smile. At least the people there were nice and you felt comfortable enough wearing lingerie around them. “One more for me, please.”

sophiamontenegro

liked by kimkardashian, skims, jackhughes and 2,892,992 others.

sophiamontenegro angel in blue

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trevorzegras 🥲🥲

arianagrande jesus !!!!! ♡ 🪄

lovssoph how are u real girl wth

user72228_ GOR GE OUS

jackhughes i like blue

ilovehockey @ jackhughes soldier get up…

morgan.grace Im pregnant

ENTERING your changing room, you felt exhausted. Everyone left to have dinner and you were waiting for Grace to arrive, so she could pick you up. You were still wearing the two piece set, a blue babydoll and panties; your hair was still perfectly styled and your makeup flawless.

You heard a knock on the door, and you scrunch your nose, wondering why Grace would knock. She was against all types of knocking.

Opening the door, nothing could’ve prepared you for Jack standing there, looking gorgeous as always; gray sweatpants, a loose hoodie and blue eyes devouring you.

“Jack? What are you doing here?” You asked, confused.

“Grace told me you’d be here, shooting something,” he said, eyeing your entire body, taking his time. “Geez, I wish she would’ve told me you were shooting for Playboy.”

“It’s not for Playboy, idiot. It’s for Skims.” You rolled your eyes, opening your door and letting him in.

He leaned against the closed door, smirking. “I don’t know who Skims is, but I wanna tell them thank you.”

You giggled, cheeks red.

“Do a little twirl for me, baby,” he asked, voice soft yet demanding. You did, slowly twirling around, showing him your set. “So fucking pretty.”

“Yeah?”

“Hell yeah, Sophia.” He stepped closer, putting his hand on your hips like always. You breathed in, not wanting to confess how much you had missed it. “And you’re all dolled up too, huh?” He briefly kissed you, just a tiny peck, really, which did wonders to you anyway. “I want to fuck you with those panties on. Make you ride me with that baby doll.”

“Jack,” you moaned, feeling your pussy starting to get wet against the fancy fabric of your panties. “We can’t do it here. What if there are people outside?”

He laughed, holding you closer, hands running up and down your thighs and ass, ignoring your wet spot on purpose. “What? Like you care about people knowing how much of a slut you are?” He scoffed. “Please, Soph. We’ve been here before,”

Your mind brought you back to that night at Nico’s place, or that one time you both fucked inside his car, or the day you sucked him off in the Devils’ locker room. Semi-public sex wasn’t exactly a problem to you, but putting on a fight always felt good.

“We have to be quick,” you whispered, giving in. As you always did.

“With you riding me while wearing this? I’m sure we’ll be.” He stated, and you laughed, as you both kissed again, bruising, hard and passionately.

His tongue caressed yours while his hands did the same with your body, fingers finding your clit over the panties and rubbing it once, twice, before moving to your hole, inserting his finger over the panties.

He lifted you with ease, leaving you with no choice but to wrap your legs around his hips, hoping that you wouldn’t leave a wet spot on his hoodie. He sat on the couch that occupied half of the room, with you on his lap, kissing you still. Your head was dizzy, mind going everywhere at once, and you couldn’t help but grind on his cock, indeed leaving a wet spot on his pants.

He pulled his pants down, and you eyed his perfect, hard cock: big, thick and the mushroom head red, spurting pre-cum. All for you.

“Inside me, please,” you mumbled, rubbing your clit on his thighs.

He laughed before grabbing a condom from his pocket. “That’s new. I didn’t know sluts knew how to say please. I guess you are desperate.”

And you were. It’s been two weeks since the last time he was inside you and you were climbing up the walls.

“Jack, please,” your voice sounded way too needy, even for you, but you didn’t care. If begging would get you his dick, then so be it.

“With you asking so prettily, who am I to say no?” He answered before pulling your panties to the side and lifting you up just enough to sit you on his— now— protected cock. You both moaned, you clenching your hole around him, clit throbbing underneath the lace. “Fuck, Soph. You’re milking my cock, baby.”

“God,” you moaned, slowly starting to ride his cock. You knew you both needed to be fast, so you were going to make it quick.

Sliding up and down on his dick, you rode him with ease, searching for your own release, while he pushed his hips forward, slamming into you with precision, hitting all of your right spots.

You two were too familiar with each other’s body, you knew each other so well and the realization made your head hurt and your clit throb.

Putting your hands on his shoulders to support your body, you were moving fast, fucking yourself open on his cock, while his right hand stroked your clit hard and fast, making you squirm and whine.

“Look at you, such a pretty thing, letting me wreck this tight pussy,” Jack whispered in your ear, still fucking you nine days into Sunday. “You’re mine, aren’t you, baby? All mine to fuck and care.”

“Mhpmm, yes, fuck, baby, yours,” you moaned a little too loud, forgetting about the fact that someone could be outside, hearing you and Jack fucking like two animals.

All that mattered now was coming on Jack’s cock and making him come too— which didn’t take long, since you both arrived at the same time a few minutes after that.

Coming down from the high, you both tried to make your breathing steady again, you resting your forehead on Jack’s shoulder, not wanting to leave, not now, not ever, his cock sitting still inside of you, making you feel full and warm and taken care of.

“All great in there, sweetheart?” You heard him whispering in your ear, while caressing your back with his left hand.

“Mhm.”

He chuckled. “Was I too rough?”

Even though it was clear you loved when he acted rough with you, he still asked every now and then. You thought it was the cutest thing ever.

Raising your body slightly, you stared at him, blue eyes reflecting yours, making you smile, tiredly.

“Nothing that I couldn’t handle.” You shrugged, genuinely happy. Exhausted? Yes. Happy? Also yes. “Jack?” You whispered, biting your bottom lip.

“Yeah, baby?” He whispered back, pressing his thumbs against your lip so you’d stop hurting it.

“I like you,”

You weren’t expecting him to say anything back, honestly. Coming to terms with the fact that you liked him was still something you were working on, but it would hurt less in the end if he pushed you away now, before getting your hopes too high.

Smiling right back at you, he kissed your cheeks, your forehead, the tip of your nose and then your lips, gently.

“I like you too, baby.”

[strwberri-milk]

Hello! I enjoyed your LaDS Incubus boys short. Please continue when you can. Spice is encouraged!

uhhhhh tbh idk what continue means :/// i could write some smut hcs but tbh w me, due to the fact that theyre incubi im taking some liberty so theres going to be more overlap but if you want smth more specific for any requests in general please elaborate!! im not actually very creative as a person and it takes me months to really gather up enough brainpower to write smth original - esp when its not smth im super invested in - so if this isnt what you wanted feel free to send a more specific request ive just done a general smut/incubi hcs but theyre not very long bc again. i think theres going to be some overlap here and i hate being too repetitive if i can help it!!

Zayne is methodical in the way he takes you. If you pay attention you can see the way he plans out his every move, primarily deriving his source of power from your pleasure. He takes mental notes of what you seem to like the most, not deviating too much from it because he likes seeing you squirm and writhe against him.

His favourite way to take you is on his tongue. He loves having his face buried between your legs, tongue licking and stroking slowly as he draws out your pleasure. Your nails dig into his scalp, trying desperately for him to make you cum but there's no way he's going to let you take charge. He wants to see you beg and beg, hiding his true intentions behind an indiscernible expression.

He doesn't stick around. He doesn't want either of you to get attached - as far as he's concerned getting attached would hurt the both of you. Once the two of you have gotten your fill he's out in a flash, leaving you waiting until the next time.

Xavier loves the feeling of you cumming on his cock. He rarely, if ever lets you cum on anything else. The way you feel clenching around him, the look on your face, the way your nails drag down his back or crumple at the sheets - all of it has his mind spinning. Thanks to this, he also tends to be a little greedy with your pleasure, working you into overstimulation over and over again until you're exhausted. That's his preferred way to feed on you.

Sometimes if he's feeling a little tired or you've had a long day he'll be sweet on you. His hands run down your body slowly as he shallowly fucks into you, grinding against your pelvis slowly. His fingers rub against the most sensitive part of your core, relishing in the sounds of your body as you pant and whine softly under his ministrations. He commits every sound to memory, eyes laser focused on every reaction you give him.

You think that he leaves after the two of you are done and for the most part he does. Sometimes though he'll stay secretly, watching over you as you sleep or appearing around you secretly. You don't notice it but he keeps an eye out for you on a decently frequent basis, somehow managing to bump into you by coincidence right when you happen to be thinking of him.

Rafayel loves making a mess of you. It's like Xavier and Zayne - your pleasure is the best way for him to feed off you and he makes it known. He's the most vocal of the three, telling you that you make such a lovely meal and you're such a sweet little thing that he just has to have you.

He loves watching your bodily fluids make a mess on your skin. He likes making you cum so much that you've got a puddle underneath you, sheets sheer with your pleasure. You're almost humiliated by how you're practically leaking just from the sound of his voice against your ear but he loves it, keeping your legs spread as his hands keep up his constant movements against you.

He'll never stay with you. He knows already that he's too close to getting attached and copes with it by acting extremely cold to you. When the two of you are having sex he acts like he's your lover, whispering sweet nothings into your ear as he makes you cum over and over again but once you're done he simply dresses and leaves without so much as a goodbye.

[archangeldyke-all]

Guys im gonna drop an Ambessa x reader teaser in Angel’s ask box later. Somebody remind me okay? 💋

Angel I need more werecat Sev x reader bc its so cute 🥺

EEEEEK so excited for the teaser and I LOVE WERECAT SEV so yes lets do more

men and minors dni

while most of the time sevika can control when and where she transforms, on full moons she transforms for the full night and has no control over it.

it's fucking adorable.

you know she hates it. sevika's made her peace with her new feline super powers but she likes to be in control of it, so it pisses her off when she's stuck as a cat for a full night.

you have to remind her when the full moon's coming up, the little calendar on your fridge has a little cat doodle drawn in dates where full moons will be in the sky.

she spends these nights in the apartment with you, curled in your lap and purring as you pet her. you know she's just annoyed she can't be doing the human work she wants to, but you're secretly grateful for the mandatory day off for your girlfriend once a month.

when it's the moon's magic changing her and not her own free-will, sevika's cat urges are ten times more powerful. she just can't help herself.

you love it. you try your best not to tease your girlfriend about how she acts when she's a cat-- you know she's embarrassed by her powers already-- but how are you supposed to react when you come home on a full moon and find your cat-girlfriend licking her own ass?

all the cat toys and trees and beds you've bought to decorate your apartment are usually ignored by sevika. but on a full moon? oh, she goes crazy-- scratching her front paw endlessly on her scratching post, playing like a kitten with a little felt mouse toy, chasing a feather and bell on the end of a string that you're controlling for hours.

and she's so cuddly.

sevika's pretty cuddly as a cat anyways, she loves sitting in your lap or on your chest for pets, loves purring loud enough to lull you to sleep, absolutely adores getting chin scratches-- but on a full moon, sevika becomes clingy.

if you have to leave for groceries, sevika screams until you tie a sling around your chest and put her in it to take her with you. (she nuzzles and paws against your tits the whole time-- still human enough to know that she loves them.

she's constantly twining between your feet at home, tripping you and looking up at you smugly when you stumble. (you just grab her by the scruff of her neck when she's being a little shit-- it makes her freeze up and look at you with the most annoyed, helpless glare.)

and the morning after each full moon-- sevika's always an exhausted, embarrassed mess.

she's so tired from playing with her toys and annoying and cuddling you that she sleeps most of the day after, back to her human snores instead of her purrs, about two hundred pounds heavier where she sleeps on your chest.

when she wakes up for the bathroom or snacks or to glare at you and demand you go back to scratching her scalp like she likes, you always take the chance to remind her of what a sweet little kitty she is.

she hates this, glaring at you and cursing you out, a sweet pink blush on her cheeks while you remind her about how cute she was just a few hours ago.

"awe, sev, look at this cute picture i got of you enjoying that bowl of milk i set out for you last night."

"fucking delete that!" she screams as she chases you around the house.

you just laugh as she runs after you. "here, kitty kitty!"

"shut the fuck up!"

taglist!

@fyeahnix @lavendersgirl @half-of-a-gay @thesevi0lentdelights @sexysapphicshopowner

@shimtarofstupidity @chuucanchuucan @badbye666 @femme-historian @lia-winther

@ellsss @sevikaspillowprincess @emiliabby @sevikasbeloved @hellorai

@glass-apothecary @macaroni676 @artinvain @k3n-dyll @sevsdollette

@ellieslob @xayn-xd @keikuahh @maneskinwh0re @raphaellearp

@iamastar @sevikitty @claude999 @nhaaauyen

[theywantedplayer]

could you write reader comforting auston after they lost the round 2 series? in my feels🥹

MastersList

PromptList

As soon as the buzzer sounded, you buried your head in your hands. You felt horrible you knew they worked hard to get where they are now and just for all of it to end like this, it was cruel. You watched as they all shook hands, you blinked the tears out of your eye’s trying to find Auston on the ice. When you found him, he was already skating off the ice with his head hung low as he went through the tunnel. You sat and waited for a couple minutes wanting to give Auston the chance to collect himself before you went down to see him. When about 30 minutes passed you thought that was enough, you walked through the stadium and found your way to the dressing room. 

You slowly opened the door and peaked your head in, seeing Mitch standing in front of Autson. He had his head in his hands with only his lower body patting on. You knew he got too tired to take the rest off because he still had his skate’s on. When you pushed the door fully open it caught Mitch’s ear and he turned his head to you and smiled sadly. He patted Auston on the back and said something before he turned away to leave through the door you were standing in.

You moved out of the way, giving Mitch a soft smile.

“I’ll leave you too alone” he told as he walked out 

You took a deep breath as you walked over to Auston, who was still sitting in his cubby with his head in his hands. You stopped in front of him, not really knowing what to say. You ran your hands, threw his top hair softly running your nails down to his neck, running your nails over his skin.

“Aust-” “Don’t” he cut you off 

You knelt down in front of him lightly grabbing his rist’s trying to pull his hands away from his face, Austin tried to fight it, but when you continued to pry he gave in. When you pulled his hands away a sigh left his lips as he leaned back up against his cubby wall looking up at the ceiling.

You knew Auston hated when you saw him cry or feeling down at any point, it didn't matter how much Reassurance you gave him to tell him that it's okay but it never seemed to sink in. You knew he had shed a couple tears since his eyes were red. It hurt you to see him hurt, you knew he worked hard.

“Auston you played so good” You tried to tell him but by the way he shook his head you knew he didn't believe you.

“I didn't and you know that” he spit at you 

You tried not to take it Personally because you knew he was just lashing out.

“Auston you did play good,i'm very proud of you” you smiled

But it was pointless, Auston quickly got up and stood in the middle of the room. You stood up with him

“Dont Y/n Dont fucking even, you know I played like shit. I havent gotten a point in three games, THREE FUCKING GAME’S!” he yelled. Running his hand threw his hair.

You watched him as his chest heaved, clearly a sign that he was exhausted from the game.

“I'm sorry Auston, I know it's hard” you whispered, too afraid to talk louder not wanting him to Get riled up again .

“Go-d” He sniffed “Its so hard” he whispered 

You couldn't ignore the break in his voice when he spoke. You took the opening so you walked over in front of him. Auston had his head up trying to hide his face, you knew he was crying. You pulled his face down to your’s, you frowned when you saw Auston’s eyes full of tears just threatening to spill at any moment.

‘Aust Im so sorry, I know you worked so hard”

When you spoke Auston signed and a tear rolled down his cheek, you whipped it away with your thumb as you held his face in your hands. 

“I’m so proud of you, so proud” you told him

Auston quickly pulled you into a hug by the waist, pressing his face into your neck. He squeezed you tightly as you ran your hand through his hair. You could tell that he was trying not to cry from the way that he held his breath, so with your other hand you rubbed his back  Softly.

“ can we just go home?” you heard him Mumble into your neck

“ yeah of course honey, grab your bag and I'll grab the rest”  you responded

 you both pulled away but not before you placed a soft kiss on his lips and lightly padded him on the chest giving him a small smile. 

[jackdelroys]

hihi!!! i’d like to request either surprise or seductive for jack delroy or murdoc please, take your pic!! (honestly ive been in a slump with my own dd fics and your prompts have been a joy to read, ty for the lovely content!! 💕)

hi!! ty for the request 🖤 im very glad to hear people are enjoying! i decided to go with murdoc for this one, because as of late hes taken over my brain entirely : (

[ surprise ] a sudden kiss to catch the partner off guard

YOU always kept the bedroom door locked at night.

nestled deep in the covers of your bed, you were already drifting off by the time the darkened figure slipped through the open window -- that was a precaution you'd forgotten to take this particularly warm evening.

you didn't hear the soft thud of boots on the carpet, nor the distress of leather as he flexed his knuckles once, twice, hand gripped tight around the handle of a sharpened blade. he brushed back his hair, it was a long journey to get here. but he'd made it.

it wasn't until he reached the far end of your bed, eyes trailed on your sleeping figure did he even remember to breathe. once in, deep, then out, exhaling the sting of exhaustion with it.

he's on you before you can even wake.

you panic at first, until you recognize the familiar scent of lavender detergent and, much more prominently, gunpowder. you barely whisper his name before he silences you with a feverish kiss, forcing his knee between your legs and pressing his weight against you. he swallows the dazed groan you let out and trails his tongue over your lip, nipping at it. he drinks in the way you shudder underneath his body with a wicked, self-satisfied grin and dark eyes grow wide in intrigue as you squirm under him. he pulls away and allows his coat to drop to the floor, followed quickly by the thick sweater he's wearing underneath, and the gloves that get in his way of removing it.

"anyone could have come through that window," he breathes, mouth still working its way down your neck, hands brushing the ragged shirt you'd worn to bed up, just enough for his fingers to trace your sides, it was a figure he'd committed to memory already, but old habits surely die hard. it was one of his favorite pastimes.

"you're lucky it was me."

"lucky?" you choke out, "you fucking scared me. and then you --" you're cut off again by his lips on yours, one hand tugging gently at your hair, tilting your neck just up enough for him to return to it.

"-- and then you do this."

he pulls away suddenly.

"i can stop, if you'd like, doll."

"god, no, don't."

that shit-eating smile is back on his face, and then it's gone, buried in your skin again. your fingers reach up to weave into his hair, pulling harshly as you feel his teeth sink into the flesh just above your collarbone.

"shit --"

"so sorry, doll. can't help it."

you hiss his name, drawing his attention once more. his head falls slightly to the left as he hovers over you.

"i love you, but i was sleeping, murdoc. i'm tired."

with an inconvenienced roll of his eyes, he's also rolled off of you, and instead into the empty space of his pillow next to yours. his arms stay wrapped around you though, and his larger figure curls in on yours, pressing you close to his chest. you wonder if he's ever really comfortable like that, or if he's just so used to sleeping that way that he can't otherwise while he's home. he's still trailing his hands across your torso, just as he always does, almost as though he was curious, eager to study each and very part of you. and perhaps he was. this idea of permanence was all very new to him too, after all.

you fascinated him. it's why he kept coming back, over and over. it's why he breathes against you and kisses your head once more, and it's why he waits for you to fall asleep again before closing his eyes himself. he looks beyond you, to the now-locked window. he can feel your pulse in your chest as you resign to slumber once more. he almost laughs, knowing how quickly you'd fallen asleep in his arms, knowing full well the capabilities he has and the things he's done. things he was willing to do.

what a curious creature you were to someone like him. perhaps he'll keep you.

[p1xiemeat]

Trigger Warning: Rare Illness/Health Issues [wasn't sure if this need a tw but these topics make some ppl uncomfy so i wanted to be considerate anyway💜]

so a lot of ppl have been asking me why i don't post pics anymore or why i have barely been on social media compared to how i used to be. and the reason is i've been having severe health issues for a very long time. i can't even remember the last time i went more than a month without feeling nauseous, or actually throwing up, or just having headaches and stomach pain that are so bad i can barely tolerate them.

i've known for a while that i have gastritis, but my mom & my bf convinced me to go to a new doctor for a second opinion. after months & months of pure agony and feeling exhausted and sick to the point where i have no energy, i finally know why. i went to a specialist and discovered i have a rare illness called CVS (Cyclic vomiting syndrome). and i also am lactose intolerant which was amplifying my symptoms because i eat dairy products constantly.

i am going to be starting treatment for it and i really hope it improves my life and my ability to function because i am so tired of "living" like this. just existing has been exhausting and painful. i literally haven't been able to accomplish any of the goals i have because i can't go more than a few days without feeling horrible.

i already feel useless because i'm autistic and i have bipolar 1 and i'm waiting on disability payments to come through because i am unable to work with my disabilities. so my bf has been working and doing his best to take care of me and our kids. i just feel so horrible and guilty all the time. and i genuinely didn't know why i feel sick 24/7. all i want is to feel like myself again. and to do all the things i miss doing. i feel like i'm trapped by this illness.

i'm grateful to have answers and know what i'm dealing with finally. but after suffering like this almost every single day for so long its so hard to feel hopeful for the future at this point. i'm literally in tears as i type this. its just been really bad. i never do my makeup anymore or feel good about myself. i can barely move sometimes because the pain in my stomach is so bad or i get pain in my throat from vomiting for hours at a time, and then i get MORE pain from dry heaving due to not being able to hold down any food. and then i get random migraines and headaches that last all day as a result of all of that. its taking a huge toll on my body and my mental health. my depression gets worse during the winter season so when this started getting really bad it just made my mental health a million times worse. its literal hell.

but yeah thats why i haven't been online. real life is hard enough and i haven't been motivated to post because of the hell i'm going through or a lot of the time i physically CAN'T make content. but i'm going to keep trying. i'm going to do every fucking thing my doctors tell me to do because im so fed up with suffering. i promise that i will make content again and post the things i create and other stuff i used to post about before i stopped being able to function. as soon as i start to feel semi normal or at least well enough to do daily activities and complete even small goals, i will post about it. i'll keep u guys updated.

i appreciate every single person who follows me and my content, and all the ppl who keep checking up on me and wondering where the fuck i went. i love you guys so much💜 and i'm so sorry to all the ppl who haven't heard from me. if i can gain at least a little bit of my physical strength and health back, i will be so happy. i also am trying to get vitamins prescribed to me because im severely lacking nutrients but they are so expensive and i can't afford them out of pocket until i get my disability money. i'm also anemic and have to start taking iron supplements again. i'm just a giant ball of health issues😭 its actually ridiculous how bad my health has been. but i'm a mom and for that reason i will never stop trying. i will do whatever it takes to get better. i don't think my health could get much worse than it is currently. hopefully i didn't just jinx myself by saying that😭

sorry for the super long explanation, i just have sooo many messages in my inbox and questions that you guys send me that i haven't answered. i don't want to leave u in the dark. the connections i've made on this silly little blog mean the world to me. and everything i've been going through has been so hard to explain. but since i recently got a REAL answer as to why i'm suffering so much, i felt it was a good time to let you guys know what is going on with me. like i said, when i am able to feel somewhat normal again i will post consistently and re-open my shop too! it sucks so bad having a passion for creating but being too sick to even get out of bed other than to get sick in the bathroom. i've been to the emergency room more times this month than i have in the last 4 years. if i can overcome this awfulness i will not take it for granted. i will work harder than i ever have to create and share it with the world. but for now i just have to sit back and do whatever my doctors tell me to do and hope to god that it helps me 😞

[ka0ila]

|Pass Out

pairing - lee minho x fem!reader

summary- you pass out after over exerting yourself

warning - angst;fluff, slight-eating disorder

You were working on the same choreography for about 3 hours now. You just couldn't get it right. You were physically exhausted and decided to rest. The moment you sat down, Minho entered the practice room. "Are you able to do it? it's been three hours" You nodded while trying to catch your breath, "the start and ending yes, but i just can't exerpertise the middle part. i'm trying." you said out of breath. He nodded, he looked a bit.. disappointed? you shrugged it off. "after 5 min, i'll watch you do it." he said in a stern tone which sent shivers down your spine. You hesitantly nodded. After 5 minutes, you got up. For some reason, you felt really nervous. Ah, it's just Minho, He'll help me out. You began and You could sense him staring at You. You were a bit scared of him scolding you, you were already tired and didn't feel like getting scolded.

“do that step again” he commanded sternly.

you nodded catching your breath. honestly, you were really embarrassed, it was Minho after all he wouldn’t judge you but.. He was just so perfect. you couldn’t seem to get that one specific step right, you were frustrated, so was he.

“why can’t you just do it right (y/n)” he said a little annoyed. Now, you were really frustrated because you just couldn’t seem to get it right and didn’t need anyone to tell you that aswell,

“im fucking trying Minho” you snapped. “Are you? if you did you would’ve got it right” and that made you teary. you were really trying. He just scoffed. You were about to leave the room but you suddenly started loosing conscious, everything started blacking out, you couldn’t see anything. oh, fuck.

baby?

I woke up in the hospital. I felt someone sleeping on my hand, it was Minho. Oh, i passed out. He started to wake up, for some reason, i just closed my eyes. i was embarrassed to be weak and pass out after not working hard enough and not being able to learn a fucking dance step. he looked at my face and huffed, and started caressing my forehead, i melted.

it was so comforting i felt like crying,

it made me feel safe, really safe.

he then kissed my forehead whispering a sorry, but it wasn’t his fault?

i heard him leave the room and Hyunjin walked in.

He sat beside me looking at me with sad eyes, am i alright? i only passed out right?

did they find out something?

i squirmed a little and began to open my eyes,

“(y/n)?” hyunjin called out my name as he hugged me. i gave him a soft smile as i saw him loosen up and relax a little. Minho walked in.

“i’m sorry Minho, i passed out and i couldn’t even lea-” he cut me off by hugging me tightly and attached his lips to mine.

“i was so.. so fucking worried about you”

“i only passed out what happened?” i asked them confused. they sighed looking at each other.

“have you been skipping meals?”

“i-” i failed to respond and tears started rolling down my face. i didn’t want things to be like this, i didnt want them to know, its only a phase i wouldve gotten over it.

“no” i lied. “youre in no position to lie to us” Seungmin scoled me. “i’m sorry” and for some reason i started sobbing. they all comforted me, i felt bad, everyone was tired but i gave them one more reason to be tired of.

“you know i love you right?”

“im sorry i shouldn’t have pushed you so much” minho apologised nuzzling into my neck cuddling me.

“it’s not your fault don’t blame yourself for it, i shouldve taken better care of myself, please dont ever stop yourself from pushing me forward or scolding me” i assured him.

“are you sure?”

“very.”

“i love you.”

“i love you more than you could ever imagine.”

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im sorry this one’s kinda short :>

tell me if you like it!

i like writing angst so you’ll be getting alot more angst hehe, my exams are in 2 days im really stressed i don’t have it all covered, but anyways.

Stream S-Class!!!

[toastsnaffler]

nvm im too tired and overstimulated for this shit

[sujofolder]

 rotten with snapdragons in his soul

adam being paranoid and you snapping at him.

— genre: angst

— warning: adam being toxic as fuck, misogynistic and in general a piece of shit

— pairing: fem reader x adam [ established relationship ]

the first man shouldn't be so agitated, specifically not at his partner ; love is confusing as shit ; he whined to lute before you two made it official. he never meant to obsessievly analyze each text message, or snap at you when you've come home later than promised. of course, adam would never admit that he's paranoid, that the fear of losing another lover gnaws at his guts, eating him alive and leaving his mind rotten with irrationality. he dosent even realize in the moment how absolutely insane he sounds, that you cannot text him at specific hours, or stay at home when your friends get together, that you cannot control who joins each social gathering. for months, you have put up with his tendencies, doing your absolute hardest to he understanding. every man would be corrupted with suspension after losing two wives to the same guy.

but at times, you wish he would have simply listened, and trusted you, that you'd never ever leave him, not like this, not in the same way they left. it certainly doesn't help that the angel adamantly refuses to share any speck of information of his past affairs, assuming it's a rough topic to talk about for your lover, you never pressed, though the explanation of them being “crazy bitches” was unsatisfactory. pressing the matter always put adam in a bad mood. so the subject was never lingered on, even if he knew every little knot of your past relationships. it was unfair, but it seemed to settle his suspension. so you've allowed it to happen.

“but that fucker has nothing on me? im like— so much more badass, right babe?”

“of course adam.”

it was a regular occurrence, god forbid you happen to run into one of your exes, he'd be seething with jealousy. blaming you for planning to leave him, that you are just like all those bitches who 'couldn't handle the real deal', and each single time, you came knocking at the door, and cooing his anxieties. It was exhausting, but you persevered day after day in hopes it'll come to an end, through winters and summers. but it never did, he leaned behind you when texting, when talking to friends, when speaking to sale man, and woman alike. no one was free from his suspensions. and with the passage of time, you've grown more and more upset, but never showed so. keeping the rage built up deep in your soul, unallowing its explosion.

snapping one day was inevitable. yet, you hoped regardless that your own rage would be kinder to the man you truly loved so dealy.

you've come home later than usual, exhausted, a dead phone in your fingers, knowing already the sight that would stand at the door once itll open ; adam, who's already delusioned himself into some cruel sob story of another love who left him for the king of hell, somehow, you never met lucifer, but knowing the first man himself, he had found a way to connect the unconnectable dots.

“where the fuck have you been!?” adam shouted, throwing his hands in the air the second you walked in.

giving him a tired smile, doing your absolute hardest to keep the voice that left your lips soft and comforting, “sorry, adam, my battery died, i tried calling you through my friend's phone, but they didn't have the number saved.”

still unconvinced, the angel snatched the dead phone from your hold, not caring how stupid he looked, he has promised himself not to be stupid enough to fall for another trap of a misfortuned relationship. he didn't hear you yelp in surprise as he flipped the phone around, it was indeed out of battery. excuse proven to be correct. but something inside his stomach chimed as he glared at you up and down. “how would I know you've not been whoring around?”

sighing in exhaustion that was fitting for a lover who went through those interrogations every few days, you spoke, “adam, please— not today.”

still as distrusting as ever, adam's eyebrows knitted together for a frown, questioning the motives behind your dismissal. “..so.. youre seeing someone else?”

“no, fucking hell, no, im just— tired.” your tone unintentionally carried an agitated edge to it, perhaps this is what raised his suspicion even more. after all, both lilith and eve had been secretive. to the first man on earth, if something wasn't fully comprehended by him, it was against him.

“tired?” adam repeated.

“yes, tired, now please, let it go.”

usually, you had not been so dismissive, perhaps it was the building hatred towards his constant distrusting nature. dismissive to adam meant proof that something was hidden beneath the surface, sometimes it almost felt like he wanted to find out that you had cheated so his efforts to obsess over non existed scenarios wouldn't be seen as pathetic. and yet, he couldn't stop. teeth gritted through each word, “babe, don't fucking lie to me, something is up, i can feel it.”

“you feel incorrectly! im not fucking cheating on you! just leave me alone!” neither did you intend to shout back, yelling at him only seemed to fuel his infatuation with the false idea that one day you'd cheat on him too.

“what are you being so pissy about than?”

for some reason, you snapped, not particularly enjoying the constant questioning you've had to endure for months on end. “why am i being pissy?! why are YOU being such a fucking asshole?! you never trust me! you inspect every little thing i do! its frustrating!”

adam's anger boiled over, eyes narrowing in a display of irrationality, you've never yelled at him before, in all the months of dating, you had put up with his behavior, adam never treated yelling well, it ripped his insides into fiery pits, and awakened more of the terrifying concept that one day you'd leave him for another man. but the man would never admit how truly petrified he is, how the mere idea of such turnout makes the blood in his body freeze, emotions never are his thing, opening up was never his thing. maybe it should have, adam hates how much he knows he's being messy, but being left twice by two woman had already made the first human feel so pathetically replaceable, he couldn't feel that way again, he simply couldn't. and he'd do everything in his power not to. even if it means destruction. he'd tear healthy hearts apart under the false assumption that they might be temporary.

“frustrating?! you are the one who keeps things away from me! not telling me where you've been and shit! and— not answering my phone!”

“my phone died, i told you! i cant keep tabs all the time, i have my life, the same way you have yours!” fighting against all forces of nature to keep the burning ache of rage deep inside your stomach, it'll be nothing but useless, and yet, even a worm turns if pushed hard enough.

“its not the same thing!” your boyfriend desperately objected and already knowing his train of thought, the next argument was the inevitable misogynistic comment to save himself the shame of his own paranoia, “youre a woman! you are meant to answer me immediately and fulfill my requests!”

at this words, it broke free. all the restrains you have been containing for months unleashed like a rapid beast, you had grown cruel in your mind, and now, your words came to match, spatting out the worst insult that can be spoken to a man you claim to love, and do, “GOD you are so fucking annoying! sometimes i look at you and understand why two women made specifically for you, built to became your wives, left you behind for another man! the same man at that! It's pathetic!”

no words could describe adam's expression, his own face paled, and you swore it matched his white rope. regret came as quick as the rugged breaths your body struggled to inhale. never did anyone see the first man cry, high seraphims, ex wives, nor even lute, but at this moment, tears resurfaced in those golden eyes of his, his halo dimmed slightly, “adam— wait— i ” the words immediately left your shaky lips, as a hand reached forward to touch him, and he shoved it away in one foul swat.

“save it.”

the words uttered with such hatred that had no place for forgiveness, and you knew, there was no change of reconciliation, and yet, the guilt in your stomach refused to let this be the end. “adam— please, hear me out—”

“i said— save it, i dont need your cheap apologies.”

his voice was stiff, each syllable tasteful with unmistakable disdain, one that this time left no place for love. perhaps it had to be that way, you told yourself, even as he left the apartment and snapped the door tightly behind him so loud your forced your ears shut at the sound by placing palms on them. and yet, the guilt was unforgiving, knowing why it happened still didn't stop the shame, it only provided a reason, but a reasoning is useless when your boyfriend won't return his calls or texts for days now, no matter how many times you apologized, he still hasn't even spared a glance at the message, or at your name ringing at his phone, forcing himself not to care. lute questioned him, as she figured something had occurred between the two of you, but adam only replied with,

“shes just another crazy bitch couldnt handle the real deal.”