#like its terrible its horrible but he's gotta know how it ends

[blehhmm]

*watching the summer I turned pretty*

Damian (obviously very frustrated about everything): I SWEAR I'M GONNA BEAT THEM WITH A STICK

Jason *walking by*: That's so the biologist of you

[cozage]

The Daughter's Return: Stories from the Vault

Some old stories from when you were a kid! This is LONG but its eight short stories from various ages of the readers life!

For those of you that might be reading for the first time, this is a prequel to The Daughter’s Return, but you can read it independently if you’re just looking for cute little stories!

This idea was sent to me by anonymous! CW: some mentions of child abuse (in Age 5 story and Age 11 Story) Word Count: 7.3k Part One | Next Chapter | Table of Contents | Read on AO3

Magic - Age 5

You had gotten hopelessly lost. You had told Marco you knew your way back to the ship, and you had stormed off. He was taking too long. And now you weren’t sure which way to turn. You had a great sense of direction at sea, but it didn’t seem to be the same on land. 

Some men were talking nearby. They looked a little rough, but that never deterred your father from talking to people, and it wouldn't deter you. “Excuse me,” you said, and the men immediately stopped talking. “I think I’m lost.”

“Lost, huh?” The man with a scar on his cheek chuckled. “Too bad, kid. We’re busy.”

“But-”

“Hang on, Tank,” the man without teeth said. “I know her from somewhere.”

The two exchanged glances, and then crouched down to your level. You knew they would help if you asked. 

“Where you gotta get to, little girl?” Tank asked. 

“The docks,” you explained. “My dad has a ship.”

Both of their eyes got wide, and they looked at each other once again. 

“Say kid, what’s your dad's name?” Tank licked his lips. “Wouldn’t happen to be Whitebeard, would it?”

“That’s it!” you cried out. “You know him?”

“Yeah,” the other man said. “We’re good friends. In fact, we were just about to give him this too.” 

The man held up a strange-looking fruit. You weren’t sure what your father would do with a fruit. There were plenty of normal fruits on the ship already. Maybe it was special. Maybe it was magical. It certainly looked magical.

“Let’s go, kid,” Tank said. He grabbed your hand and gripped it firmly. It was almost painful, but you didn’t complain. You didn’t want to be in more trouble. 

The three of you walked for a long time, and you couldn’t help but feel like you were going further into the island. You were now in the middle of the jungle, and you guessed that the men were lost now too. You should’ve stuck with Marco. This was getting complicated. 

“Listen Sunny, I don’t got a good feeling about this,” Tank mumbled, his eyes on you.

“What are you talking about? Listen, the N-”

“Shush! Not around the kid! She’s worth 10 million berries for a reason!”

“Hey kid,” Sunny said looking at you. “You stand right here and don’t move. We’ll be right back.”

He placed the fruit on a log nearby, and the two of them walked a couple of yards away to speak privately. 

You knew you should spend your time listening in on their conversation, but you couldn’t stop staring at the black fruit in front of you. It was like it was alive, the undertones of the fruit shifting in color from yellow to orange to red, and then back again. It had to be magical.

You weren’t sure how you ended up beside it, or how it ended up in your hands. You were mesmerized by it. It would make a good gift for your father, but you wanted nothing more than to try it yourself first. Just a small piece. It wouldn’t even be noticeable. You closed your eyes and took a small bite. 

It took everything you had not to gag. This was a terrible gift. It tasted horrible. You chewed, and then swallowed, and finally began coughing from the horrid taste of it. You weren’t sure what you were expecting, but it wasn’t this. 

“Hey! What the hell are you-” Sunny’s eyes got wide, and you heard him scream out a string of curses. 

“Spit it out, you devil!” Tank screamed, running at you. “We can’t sell that to the Navy if you eat it!”

The Navy? No, this fruit was supposed to be going to your father. They had told you that. 

Sunny got to you first, and he slapped you hard across the face. Your skin stung, and you could feel tears rising in your eyes. But you held onto the strange fruit. You refused to let it go now. It was your magic fruit.

“You little bitch!” Sunny screamed, shaking you like a rag doll. “You ruined everything! We were going to make a fortune off of that!”

“Sunny, relax,” Tank reasoned. “We can still turn the kid in. The Navy will give us more since she’s got powers now.”

“The Navy?” You were confused. “You were supposed to take me to my dad.”

“We hunt pirates. Which is what you are,” Sunny sneered. “You’re going straight to Naval Headquarters, kid. They’ll probably kill you the moment you arrive.”

“No.” You could feel tears rising, and you took a step back, trying to get away from them. “No. I want to go to my dad.”

“Get her, Tank.”

Tank’s large arms reached for you, and you squeezed your eyes shut. You let out a loud shriek, hoping to attract someone-anyone-who might help. You held your magic fruit tight and felt a strange pull in your stomach, but you refused to open your eyes. 

You couldn’t hear Tank and Sunny anymore, or anything for that matter. Everything seemed eerily quiet, even though you were in the middle of the forest. 

When you finally opened your eyes, it looked like a bomb had gone off around you. You were standing in a hardened lava flow that stretched out at least 100 yards on every side of you. There were no signs of trees or grass, only blackened volcanic rock.

You heard the familiar flap of wings above you, and Marco dropped down in front of you. 

“What’s wrong?” he asked, checking your body for any sign of injury. You flinched when he touched your cheek, still sore from Sunny’s slap. “Who did this to you?”

“Nobody,” you said, tears welling in your eyes. You couldn’t let him know you had gotten lost. You couldn’t let him know you had gotten hurt.

His eyes scanned the surrounding area, clearly in disbelief at the power emitted. “Who did this?”

“I don’t know.” You wiped at your eyes. Your throat hurt from screaming so much. 

Suddenly Marco’s entire body got tense, and he pulled your magical fruit out from your hands, examining it. 

“It’s for dad.” You sniffled. “That’s what the guys said.”

“What guys?” His eyes found the small bite you had taken, and they grew wide. “Did you eat this?”

You took a step back from him, afraid he might hit you too. Marco had never hit you before, but the fruit seemed to make people do crazy things. 

“No,” you lied, trying your hardest not to cower.

“Y/N. Did you eat this?!” He shoved the fruit in your face, pointing to the tiny bite you had taken.

“I’m sorry,” you sobbed, falling to your knees. “Please don’t hit me. I’m sorry.”

“Hey, it’s okay.” Marco’s voice was instantly soft again, making you cry even more. “I’ve got you, kid. You’re safe.”

“It looked so good,” you cried. You let him pick you up, and you cried into his shoulder. “But it was so yucky.”

“It’s okay,” he soothed, rubbing your back. “They’re not very yummy, I know.”

“I want to go home.” You wrapped your arms around his neck, and he took flight into the sky, holding you and your magic fruit tightly. 

You must’ve fallen asleep mid-flight, because when you woke up, Marco was still holding you, but you were now on a boat. Home. 

“What kind of fruit?” Your father whispered.

“Some kind with lava properties, it appears. There was a huge explosion, and I found her surrounded by hundreds of feet of cooled lava on all sides.”

“Hundreds?” Your father sounded skeptical.

“I can take you back to the place I found her, if you’d like to see.”

The thought of going back to Tank and Sunny made you let out an involuntary whimper, and you squeezed Marco’s neck. “Please don’t make me go back to the bad men. I won’t leave your side again, Marco. Promise.”

“The bad men?” Your father asked. 

“Can you tell us about them?” Marco asked, prying you from him and setting you on the ground. 

“They said they were bringing me and the fruit back to you,” you explained. “But when I ate the magic fruit, they got really mad at me and then they disappeared.”

“Disappeared?” your father asked, “Disappeared how?”

“I dunno. I closed my eyes and screamed and when I opened them they were gone.”

Your father gave Marco a quick glance of concern, and then turned his attention back to you. 

“I’m just glad you’re safe, punk.” You father stretched out his hands and you ran to him, clamoring up onto his lap. 

“You’re not mad?” you asked, looking up at him with big, watery eyes. “Even though I ate your fruit?”

“It’s your fruit now.” Your father laughed. “What’s it called?”

“The Vulcan-Vulcan fruit,” you said instantly, though you weren’t sure how you knew it. “Am I magic now like you and Marco?”

Your father gave you a big grin, pulling you in for a tight hug. “You sure are! But we're going to have to teach you how to use that magic, okay?”

“Okay!”

---

Trouble - Age 7

Marco pulled open the doors to the supply closet, and bent his head down to make eye contact with you. 

“Whatcha doin' in here, kid?” he asked, seeing the guilt written all across your face. 

“Hiding.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Why?”

“I’m gonna be in trouble.”

He smirked. So you had caused that fire at the base of the main mast. “Mind if I join you?”

You shook your head, and he climbed in next to you and shut the cabinet door behind him. The two of you sat there in the dark, him waiting for you to speak. 

“I didn’t mean to,” you finally whispered. “I just got mad.”

“What are we supposed to do when people make us mad?”

“They were laughing at me. Calling me princess and making fun of me. I tried to ignore them, Marco. I promise I did try!”

“They’re not trying to be mean,” Marco explained, but you shook your head.

“They were being mean! They weren’t being funny-mean like you or Thatch or Izou! They were just being mean!” You could feel the magma under your skin start to churn, making it feel like a thousand bugs were crawling across your skin. A slight glow came from you as you shifted in discomfort, illuminating the closet. 

“Deep breaths. I don’t want this stuff to catch on fire too.”

You let out a small sob and buried your head in your knees. “Now you’re being mean! Just leave me alone!”

“I’m just teasing,” Marco said, putting his hand on your shoulder. He sucked in a breath at the heat you were emitting, but he didn’t remove his hand. 

“I hate this power,” you cried. “I can’t control it! It’s stupid and it just keeps hurting people!”

“Breathe with me,” Marco said. You heard him take a deep breath in, and you followed his lead. When he breathed out, you did. When he breathed in, you did. 

After a few minutes, you could feel your body starting to relax, the magma beneath your skin stilling, and peace returning once again. 

“Can I just give this power back?” you asked. “It’s been two years and I can’t figure it out. I’m failing.”

“You’re not failing,” Marco said, wrapping his arm around your shoulder. “You’re learning.”

---

Nap - Age 8

You preferred to sleep in your father’s study during the day. Marco always made you take a nap, but you didn’t really need naps anymore. You were getting too old for that. 

But, when you were “asleep” in your father’s study, sometimes you got to hear top secret reports. Things only the reporter and Pops knew about. And you, but nobody knew that. So you didn’t mind nap time too much, as long as you got to be in his office. 

Today had been boring, though. No reports at all. Just your father working quietly at his desk, the scratch of pen against paper slowly lulling you to sleep. 

And then the door creaked open. 

“Pops,” a man whispered. “We found it.”

Your father’s pen stopped moving, and your ears perked up as you laid against the cot in the back of his office. 

“Found what?” Your father asked. 

“The fruit.”

“Is it safe?”

The man sighed, coming into the room and taking a seat at the desk. “It’s with a kid.”

Your father paused, and you could sense him trying to figure out if you were asleep or not. You steadied your breathing and your heart rate as best you could, keeping your entire body still. 

You heard him shift back in his chair, his attention turned to the crewmate in front of him. “A kid?”

“He just started sailing in the North Blue. Just a teenager. Trafalgar Law.”

“How the hell did a kid get his hands on a fruit like that? And where in the North Blue?”

“We believe he’s from Flevance.”

“Flevance!?” Your father’s voice was louder from disbelief, causing you to flinch. He lowered it again instantly, aware of your presence and not wanting to wake you. “So he’s a walking corpse. It's just a matter of time.”

“That’s the thing, sir. We have reason to believe he’s been cured.”

“With immortality? That’s not how the Ope-Ope fruit works. Someone else has to-”

“We’ve confirmed he’s the one in possession of the Ope-Ope ability. We believe he used it to cure himself.”

“Incredible,” your father breathed out. “He was just a kid when it went missing. He was that knowledgeable at such a young age?”

“It appears that way. But all files about Flevance have been destroyed, so there’s no record of his family.”

“I see.” Your father hummed, trying to weigh a decision. “Have we sent people to him? To invite him to join us?”

“He didn’t seem interested.”

“But he’s not hostile?”

“Unclear,” the man said. “We have reports that he used to be a part of the Donquixote Family, but that doesn’t seem to be the case anymore.”

“Any idea what caused the split?”

“No,” the man said. “But reports say Trafalgar disappeared the same time another member did. Code name Corazon.”

“Damn that Doflamingo,” your father cursed. “He makes a mess wherever he goes.”

“What should we do, Pops? Want us to bring him in anyway?”

“No,” he said immediately. “Leave him alone. Seems like that kid has been through enough. Just keep tabs on him, and let me know when he enters the Grand Line.”

“Sure thing. You sure that’s all you want to do? The Ope-Ope fruit-”

“Belongs to Trafalgar. He decides what to do with it. We should respect that.”

“Alright.” You heard the door creak open and shut once again. 

“You are never to tell anyone what you just heard.” Your father’s voice was dangerously serious; so much that it caused the hairs to stand up on your neck. “Never. Is that understood?”

“Yes sir,” you whispered, squeezing your eyes shut tighter. 

“Good.” He went back to writing. 

You tried to sleep, but your mind couldn’t stop wandering to the boy in the North Blue. You wondered if he was nice. You wondered if you’d ever meet him. You hoped your paths would cross some way one day.

---

Stargazing - Age 9

“Marco!”

“I’m busy tonight.” The first division ruffled your hair playfully. “It’s late anyway, you should go to sleep.”

“But-!”

“Go on! It’s going to get crazy here in a bit anyway,” Marco said. “You know how Pops feels about you being out during party nights.”

“That’s not fair,” you pouted. “I’m still part of the crew. I should be able to party.”

“Maybe when you’re in double digits,” Marco jested. 

“Really?!”

“Go!”

Thatch peeked his head in the door. “How about you come hang with me, squirt?”

You stuck your tongue out at him. “I’m not a squirt!”

“Of course. How could I forget?” He gave you a deep bow. “Your majesty.”

You giggled at his actions, already forgetting about Marco. “Take me to the kitchen, Mister Knight!”

“Gladly.” He scooped you up and dangled you upside down, causing you to squeal in delight. 

“No, Thatch! Not like that!” you giggled, squirming in his grasp. 

“Sorry madam, I can’t seem to hear you,” he said, shaking you and causing you to squeal even louder. “You said just like that?”

You erupted into another round of squeals and giggles, and he escorted you from the room to the kitchen upside down. When you arrived at the kitchen, he easily tossed you into the air and set you on the seat in front of the stove. “What would you like, O’ Princess of the Seas?”

It’s the name that had been coined for you across the Grand Line ever since your bounty shot up to 200 million. Daughter of Whitebeard: Princess of the Seas. You had a love/hate relationship with it, but when the commanders said it, you thought it sounded quite nice. 

“Ice cream!” you called, a glint in your eye. 

“Aw, come on!” Thatch complained. “You know you can’t have that this late.”

You gave him the biggest pouty face and sweetest doe eyes you could muster. “Just this time?”

He let out a chuckle and shook his head. “You’re devious, kid. Devious.” Bending down, he pulled out two bowls and an ice cream scooper. You immediately dropped the act, a huge smile appearing across your face. 

“Can we do chocolate?” you asked hopefully. 

“Might as well,” Thatch sighed, opening the freezer. “You better eat all the vegetables I give you tomorrow.”

“I’ll help you make them, if you want!” You were bouncing up and down in your seat in anticipation. 

Thatch groaned at your excitement. “I’m gonna pay for this, I can tell.” Regardless, he scooped out two heaping scoops for you, and two for him. 

He slid the bowl across to you, and you immediately dug in. He watched you in humor for a few bites, and then began eating his own. “How’s your training coming?”

“I’ve almost got the hang of it!” you said proudly. “I can practice small stuff on the ship now.”

Thatch laughed. “You’re not a fire hazard anymore?”

You smiled at his half-joke. “Only sometimes.”

“Good to hear.” He glanced down at your already empty bowl and smiled, impressed with your eating skills. “Let’s get you to bed.”

“Wait!” You threw your hands up, begging him to stop. “Can’t we do something else? Please Uncle Thatch?”

It was a desperate attempt, you knew that. But the commanders always melted when you called them uncle. It was the easiest trick in the book, yet they bent to it every time.

You could see a slight rose color dust across Thatch’s cheeks, and you knew you had succeeded. 

“Fine, fine! Come on, I think tonight will be a good night.”

“A good night for what?” you asked, but he just picked you up and set you on his strong, broad shoulders, silently carrying you out onto the deck. 

It was loud outside. You had to cover your ears from all the music and the screaming. But Thatch didn’t head toward the party. He turned and the two of you snuck up the stairs to the back of the ship. 

It was significantly quieter back here, like someone had placed a wall between you all and the party. He set you down at the very back of the boat, and laid down next to you.

“What are you doing?” you stood over him, pouting downward. 

Thatch just laughed. “You’re looking the wrong way, kid.” He pointed to the sky. “Look up.”

You followed his finger upward, and found a sky more full of stars than you had ever seen before. 

“Woah,” you breathed out, full of amazement and wonder. “There’s so many.”

“Lay down.” He patted the deck next to him, and you did what you were told. “If you watch closely, you might see a shooting star.”

“Really?” you gasped, your eyes scanning the sky even more intensely. You were attempting to look at every place at once, desperate to find what he had promised. 

“Just pick a piece of the sky and watch it,” Thatch advised. “You’ve really never done this?”

“A few times,” you admitted. “But the sky has never looked this radent.”

“Radiant,” Thatch corrected, a smile on his lips. “Guessing you read that in one of your books.”

“Yeah. Sometimes-oh! There!” you pointed to the streak of light across the sky. “Did you see that one!?”

“Yeah! Good eye,” Thatch noted. “You’re very observant.”

“Dad says I’ll make a good strategist.”

Thatch glanced over at you. “Do you want to be a strategist?”

“I think so.” You kept your eyes on the sky. “I don’t know though. Sometimes it’s overwhelming to think that much.”

“You seem to like correcting Marco in the meetings.”

“Well, he doesn’t think of all the things he should!” Thatch laughed at your comment, but he didn’t say anything more. 

“There’s another one!” you cried after a few moments, pointing at the sky. 

“Gah! I missed it! Well, make a wish.”

“A wish?” you asked. You hadn’t heard of that before.

“It’s a thing you do in the North Blue. If nobody else sees the shooting star, you make a wish and they say it’ll come true.”

“But it won’t actually come true, right?” you reasoned. That was silly. 

Thatch just shrugged. “Might as well try. What does it hurt?”

And so you closed your eyes and thought about what you wanted to wish for. A friend. That would be nice. One your own age. One who you could play games with and laugh with and tell secrets too. You wished for a friend.

“I made my wish,” you said, opening your eyes again. 

“Don’t tell me what it was. You have to keep it a secret.”

“Okay,” you agreed. You watched the sky for a little while longer, but you didn’t see any more shooting stars. You must’ve used them all up on your wish. “Hey Thatch?”

“Hm?”

“Thanks for never making fun of me. Like when I mess up or stuff.”

“Why would I make fun of you?” he asked. You could hear the confusion in his voice.

“Some people do. But you don’t. So…thanks.”

“Sure, kid. Let me know if I ever hurt your feelings or I accidentally make fun of you, okay?” He sighed, and you could hear that he was struggling to stay awake. “Thanks for hanging out with me tonight.”

“I like stargazing,” you said, your eyes starting to droop.

“Me too, kid.”

---

Friend - Age 11

You were eleven when your wish came true. You wished on several stars since that first one, an overwhelming amount of them were spent on a friend your age. And there she was. Standing in front of you. She was slightly taller than you, and maybe a year or two older. But she would do. 

“This is Whitey,” your father said, introducing you to the new girl. “She’s joining the crew as your new sister, so make her feel welcome.”

It took approximately four hours for you and Whitey to become best friends. The two of you shrieked with joy as you trampled across the deck. You bulldozed through people without a care in the world. 

At night, the two of you hid under the covers, whispering secrets while you held your hand over your mouth to muffle the giggles. You made up stories and told her about the crew, and she told you about her life hopping from island to island, working under new people every few years. 

One morning, it was just you and Thatch in the kitchen. You swung your feet while you sat on the barstool, waiting for Thatch to finish your eggs. You had heard enough stories, but you were afraid to ask Whitey directly. You didn’t want to lose a friend. Thatch wouldn’t make fun of you for asking, though. 

“Was Whitey a slave?”

You heard Thatch make a garbled noise, like you had caught him off guard with your question. “What makes you think that?”

“The stories she told me. She moved around a lot, and the people were always really mean to her. She has a lot of scars on her hands.”

“Observant as always,” Thatch mumbled. “Yeah. Pops and Marco found her in the street, searching for food. But she used to be a slave.”

“Did we kidnap her?”

“You can’t kidnap a slave, kid. You free them.” He plated your egg, and threw some bread on the pan to toast it. 

“So she’s free now?” you asked.

“Yep.”

“But she’s a kid.” Your brows knit together, trying to understand. “Kids are supposed to be with their family. Shouldn’t we take her back to her parents?”

“We’re her family now,” Thatch explained. “That’s what matters.”

“What if her parents miss her?” you asked. “Pops would miss me if I found another family.”

Thatch put the toast on your plate and slid it over to you. You could tell he was thinking carefully of how to word what he wanted to say. 

“I don’t think Whitey’s family was very kind to her. I don’t think they miss her,” he said. “I don’t even think they know her. She’s been a slave for so long, they probably forgot about her.”

“Forgot?!” you cried. “I could never forget my family! I could never forget you!”

“And I’ll never forget you,” Thatch promised. “But some families aren’t close like ours. Some don’t like each other at all.”

“That doesn’t sound very much like family.” You weren’t really hungry anymore. This discussion had made you lose your appetite. 

 “It’s not. That’s why we're Whitey’s family now. So make sure you’re the best sister you can be, okay?”

“Okay! We're gonna do Spa Day!” You jumped off the barstool and raced out the door. You had to make Whitey feel like the most loved person in the whole world. She was your best friend and your newest sister. 

“Your breakfast!” Thatch called, but you were already gone. 

“Whitey!” You jumped on her, still asleep in bed. “Whitey, wake up!”

“I don’t want to,” she groaned, flipping away from you. 

“But we’re gonna have Spa Day!”

Her eyes peeked out from behind the covers. “Spa Day?”

“Spa Day!” you cried. “Come on!”

You pulled her out of bed and to the female bathhouse. You immediately stripped down to your underwear, but Whitey kept all her clothes on. The two of you worked together to fill the tub full of hot water, steam spreading throughout the room. 

“Oh! I forgot!” you threw your back clothes on quickly. “I need the vegetables!”

“Vegetables?” But you were already racing out the door and back to the kitchen. 

“Thatch!” you yelled, running into the kitchen. Marco was in there, and he looked at you in an amused manner. 

“Is it inside-out day?” Marco teased, and you stuck your tongue out at him. In your haste, you had thrown your clothes on the wrong way. But that didn’t matter right now.

“Here,” Thatch said, handing you a basket. “There’s salts, peppermint, and lavender. Put those in the bath. Over here are the aloe-coconut facemasks, just apply those before you get in the tub. The cucumbers over your eyes. Got it?”

You squealed in delight. “Thank you!!!”

“I’ve got stones on the warmer for when you’re done!” he called out to you as you ran back to the bathroom. 

“You spoil her,” Marco chided. 

“Oh please, as if you don't.”

-

“Got the vegetables,” you panted as you entered the bathhouse, exhausted from running across the ship. 

Whitey was still dressed, and you frowned at her hesitance as you stripped down. “Whitey, you have to take your clothes off.”

“What?!” You could see her cheeks pink. “All of them?”

“To get in the bath, yeah.”

“Maybe I could just keep my shirt on.”

“No,” you said. “The fibers get into the drain and clog it.”

“Well I don’t want to take my shirt off.”

You scowled. “Why not? I have mine off.”

You could see the panic in her eyes at your question, her entire body tensing. “I don’t want to do this anymore.”

“Whitey-” 

“Spa Day is stupid!” she screamed. She slammed the door as she left, making you jump at its echo in the room.

You tried your best not to cry. You really did. But by the time you were in the kitchen returning the ingredients to Thatch, your vision was too blurry to see his frame. 

“She didn’t want to do Spa Day,” you sobbed, globs of lava mixing in with your tears. “She said it was stupid!”

“Oh, okay.” Thatch took the basket from you and set it to the side. “I’m sorry, kid.”

“I hate her!” you screamed, your skin starting to boil. “She’s so mean! She’s just like everyone else!”

“What exactly happened?” Marco asked, coming over to help mitigate your frustration.

“I told her no shirts in the bath,” you said between breaths. “Because that’s the rule!”

“Okay, uh, kid-” Thatch took a step back, letting Marco take over. The doctor had a bit more heat tolerance with your literal meltdowns. Your tears were starting to drip down onto the wood, burning holes into them.

“Y/N. Stop.” Marco said, putting a hand on your shoulder. “I know you’re upset, but we’re not going to destroy Thatch’s nice kitchen because of it, okay?”

Your lips puckered out, trying to hold in your sadness. “Sorry,” you whimpered. You wiped the hot tears from your face.

“Why do you think Whitey didn’t want to take off her shirt?” Marco asked. “Think about it.”

You bit your lip, thinking long and hard about why a shirt was a big deal. “She’s embarrassed.”

“Good,” Marco said, nodding his head. “Do we think we can bend the rules for it this one time to make her feel more at home?”

“But-”

“The drain, I know,” Marco finished for you. “I’ll talk to Pops. Don’t empty the tub when you guys leave, and let me know when you’re done, okay?”

You looked over at Thatch, trying to ask him a secret question. Why was she embarrassed? You silently asked. 

Thatch nodded, understanding. “Think about what we talked about this morning.”

Family? No, not that. Whitey used to be a slave. She had scars on her hands. Maybe she had scars on her back too. Maybe she didn’t want to show them. 

“Thank you Marco.” You gave him a hug, finally calm again. “And thank you Thatch.” You ran over and gave him a hug too. “Sorry about your floor.”

“It can be fixed,” Thatch assured you. He handed the basket back to you. “Just like you and Whitey.”

You walked back to your room, your stomach bubbling with nerves.

“Whitey?” you knocked softly on the door, and then opened it. 

“Go away.”

“We can still do Spa Day,” you said. 

“I said go away.”

“You can keep your shirt on,” you said. “It’s not a big deal. I’ll keep my shirt on too.”

Whitey turned over to look at you. “You will?”

You nodded. “We can have Shirt Spa Day.”

Whitey giggled. “Shirt Spa Day. That’s funny.”

“Shirt Spa Day!” you chanted, and she joined in with you. The two of you skipped down to the bathhouse, still chanting your silly string of words, and solidifying a tradition that would last for years to come. 

---

Learning - Age 13

You screamed out in frustration, volcanic glass shattering around you. You had been trying for days to get this new technique right, and you could never make it like how you were envisioning. 

A small beam of volcanic magma. That’s all you were trying to do. But you couldn’t get right. It was either the wrong consistency, or the wrong angle, or didn’t even come out at all. 

And this evening you all were leaving the island. It would be at least a few days before you could practice again. Not that you had made any headway. You were still back at square one. You hadn’t done anything. 

“Looks like you're struggling,” a familiar voice boomed, laughing at your distress. 

You quickly composed yourself, trying to appear somewhat level-headed before you turned to the voice. 

“Teach!” you said, putting on a smile and giving a laugh. “Yeah, just a little bit.”

“Maybe I can help?”

You gave a polite smile, not wanting to appear rude. You weren’t entirely sure what Teach could do to help, since he didn’t have a devil fruit ability. But Marco and your father had left you to figure it out on your own, and you could use any help you could get. 

“What exactly are you trying to do?”

“Just a thin lava stream projectile,” you explained. “One that can be small and precise if I need to take out one person in a group.” 

Teach nodded, impressed with your idea. “Have you got the lava beam worked out yet?”

“No, that’s the problem. I can’t make it at all.”

“Let me see.”

You frowned, but you did as you were told. You held your hand out, pointing to a rock, and tried to make a small strand of lava shoot from your hand. You could feel the energy building up, like all of the pressure was stuck behind a wall. 

And then there was a flash, and magma erupted from the ground around you, spewing hundreds of feet into the air. 

Luckily Teach was far enough away that the blast zone didn’t hit him. He simply laughed at your misfortune, a loud booming cackle. 

“I see your problem,” he said. “You’re too strong.”

You scowled at him, thinking he might be trying to make fun of you. “What do you mean?”

“You’re trying to make a tiny beam. But you don’t even know what the beam should look like. You’re doing too much at once and overloading your senses.”

“Marco said I should start small,” you said. 

“Marco doesn’t have your kind of power.” He laughed again, walking over to you. “Look, kid. Just focus on making a beam. It doesn’t matter how big it is. Don’t limit it. Just envision a beam hitting, say…that rock over there. Try that, okay?”

You looked at your hands, skeptical of his advice. “Okay.” You took a deep breath, and held out your hands in the direction of the rock. “You might want to step back.”

“Don’t need to. Don’t kill me, okay?”

You couldn't kill Teach. He was one of the oldest members on the ship. He had always been there. You'd never forgive yourself if you even burned him a little. You had to get this right. You took one more breath, trying your best to center yourself and envision the kind of thing you wanted. And then, you pushed the lava out of your hands, aiming for the rock. 

It hit. Exactly how you imagined it would. Well, it was kind of hard to miss the rock. Your beam was about 10 times larger than what you had initially wanted. But it was a beam. 

You could hear Teach cheering behind you, whooping and hollering at your success. 

“I did it!” you screamed, hardly believing it yourself. 

“You’ve got power, kid!” Teach patted your head in approval, and you couldn’t help but feel a sense of pride. You had been failing because you had been limiting yourself. But you weren’t a failure. You were powerful. 

“It’s my dream to perfect this,” you said, a grin on your face. “Perfect this and become division two commander.”

“That should be a pretty easy goal for you to reach,” Teach said. “Better start thinking of another dream soon.”

“Do you have any dreams, Teach?”

“We all have dreams, kid. I’m just glad I could help you get closer to yours.”

“What’s yours?”

He cackled at your question. “There’s a devil fruit I'd like to find one day.”

“Oh! Well, the Grand Line is huge, it’s gotta be out there somewhere. Any fruits I find you’re welcome to. ” It's the least you could offer.

“Well that sure is kind of you! I’m sure it’s around here somewhere.”

“I really hope you find it, Teach.”

“Me too, kid. Me too.” He sighed, a smile dancing across his lips. “But let's focus on you! Keep practicing! Make it smaller and smaller until you’ve got it the way you want. You’ll get there!”

It was the first time someone really understood how you learned and operated, and every move you perfected in the future came from what you learned that day. 

---

Kiss - Age 16

You hadn’t expected your first kiss to be on your 16th birthday, but that’s just how it happened. 

He was a new crew member, and he had caught your eye almost immediately. His name was Palms, and he was quite the looker. 

You must’ve caught his eye as well, because every time you looked at him, he seemed to already be watching you. 

The two of you played this silent game, flirting only with looks passed between one another, when finally Whitey nudged you. 

“Will you just go talk to him! You guys have been fucking each other with your eyes since the sun went down!”

“Whitey!” you gasped, giggling at her bluntness. She rolled her eyes and waved you on, encouraging you to get a move on.

You met him over by the keg, and you filled up your tankard while waiting for him to speak.  

“I hear this party is for you!” he yelled, trying to make his voice heard over the music. 

“My 16th birthday!” You yelled back. 

“Oh, I’m sorry! I didn’t know! I would’ve brought a present!”

You gave him a wink. “You still have time to think of one.”

“Oh yeah?” He asked, his eyes raking your body. “Yeah, I can think of one.”

You had never felt self-conscious before in your outfits, but Whitey had chosen this one for you, and it was a bit more skin than you were used to. But she had told you that confidence was key, so you gave him a smirk and walked inside the doors. You wanted a little bit of privacy.

He was a terrible kisser. Or maybe you were. You weren’t sure. It was your first time kissing, after all. But it was still euphoric. A rush of the senses, you could feel your body temperature rising in response to-

“Holy shit you’re hot,” Palms said, pulling away from you. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, that just happens sometimes,” you explained, rushing back to his mouth.

“No,” he said, pulling away from you. “You’re like, burning me.”

“Oh.” You could feel your cheek blush. Your skin started to churn, anxious at this new revelation. You couldn’t even kiss without your ability going haywire. 

“Are you sure you’re okay?” He said, watching the magma beneath your skin start to glow with slight concern. Not concern for you. Concern for himself. 

“Yeah.” The moment was gone, and you only felt shame now. “Thanks for the birthday present.”

He gave a nervous laugh. “If you need another one when you cool down, you know where to find me.”

You gave him a polite smile and rushed out onto the deck. Instead of returning to the party, you went up the stairs and to the back of the ship. You just wanted to be alone. 

You knew what some people said about you. How you couldn't control your emotions. And since your emotions controlled your powers, you couldn't control that either. People constantly questioned your father on your abilities, and his decision to make you lead strategist at such a young age. The only people who really trusted you on their teams were Marco and Thatch. The other commanders would tolerate you, but they would never use you to your full potential. It's like everyone was just waiting for you to mess up.

You leaned over the side of the ship as you cried, trying not to get any burn marks on the wood. You had been with your devil fruit ability for over ten years now, and you still couldn’t completely control it. You hated it. Some days you wished that you had never eaten that stupid thing, or that you had just let those men take you to the Navy and it-

“I thought we’d find you here,” Whitey said, coming up next to you. She gave you a light bump on the shoulder. 

“We?”

“Come on,” Marco said from behind you. “We’re going to play Strategist and Commanders.”

“You said I’m too young for that.”

“Not anymore,” Thatch said, a smile spreading across his face. “You’re sixteen now, aren’t you? Welcome to the club.” 

“But I’m just the lead strategist. I don’t belong to a division.”

“Don’t belong to a division,” Marco scoffed. “You can be on my team. Or Thatch’s. Whoever you don’t choose is stuck with Whitey.”

“Stuck with?!?” Whitey pouted, rolling her eyes. “More like graced with!”

“But-”

“Stop making excuses,” Thatch said, ruffling your hair. “Let’s go.”

You gave him a smile, already forgetting about your disastrous kiss. “Let’s go.”

Oh, they had no idea what kind of monster they had awakened that night. 

--

Departing - 2 years ago

“You’re sure you want to do this?” Marco asked, looking at you. 

“A lot of things will change in two years,” Thatch warned.

“I’m ready.” You nodded, adjusting your things on your back. “I need to do this.”

You walked over to Whitey, the goodbye you were dreading the most. 

“You gonna be okay without me?”

Tears filled her eyes. “Yeah.”

“You don’t have to lie, Whitey. I’m not going to be okay without you either.”

She let out a soft sob, and clamped her hand over her mouth. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. 

“Don’t be.” You wrapped her in a hug, crying too. Normal tears now, though your lava tears rarely affected your ice-witch best friend. 

“I know you have to leave to get stronger,” she said, her voice muffled by your gear. “But I hate it so much.”

“We’ll have SO much to catch up on when I get back, though!” you let out a choked laugh. “We can stay up all night under the covers, just like old times.”

“Promise?” she sobbed, clutching you tighter. 

“I promise.”

The two of you finally broke apart, viciously wiping the tears off your face. 

“That was embarrassing,” you both said in sync, which started another round of laughing sobs. 

“Y/N.” Your father’s voice boomed from nearby, quiet, but urgent. “We have a small window of operation to get you where you need to go.”

“Right.” You gave Whitey one more squeeze. “I’ll see you soon. And I’ll make a journal every day so I remember everything to tell you. You do the same.”

“Deal.”

You walked over to your father, towering above you. “Thank you for everything, Pops.” You tried to keep your voice level, but you could feel your lip trembling. 

Thankfully, your father’s was doing the same. “I know this is the right call. The timing couldn’t be better. I'll remind you, you’ve already done it, but continue to make me proud.”

“I’ll do my best,” you promised. 

“That’s all I can ask for.”

He pulled you in for a hug, and you could feel he was holding back tears, just like you were. You had never been away from your father, besides small missions and scouting trips. And now you wouldn’t see him for two years. 

“Ready, Izou?” you asked, looking toward the man who would take you to Wano. 

“Let’s go.”

You walked through the crowd, saying goodbye to the only family you had known your entire life. 

“Good luck!” called Haruta. He had just joined, and you were sad you wouldn’t get to know him more. 

“Get nice and strong, and come be our commander!” Teach yelled, and you gave him a grateful nod. 

“We love you!” called a group of young adults. You spotted Palms amongst them, and blushed as you waved.

You knew things would be different when you got back. You just didn’t realize how different they would be. 

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[quodekash]

im making dangerous romance my entire personality so im sorry to all my non-bl mutuals for the spamming of your dash every Friday night/saturday morning but its gotta happen

this is how I pose for photos

A KISS???

PLS LET IT BE A KISS

EEEEEEEEEEEEE

IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS FOR AGESSSSSS

but also kang's gonna cry in this scene. we've seen it in the end credits, sailom wearing kang's jersey and hugging kang and grinning while kang is full on sobbing and I still can't guess why kang would be sobbing while sailom's grinning and comforting him

thats adorable

I literally love them so much

OH

OH HONEYYY

HE'S TEARING UP

I GET IT NOW

IT'S OKAY KANG HONEY, YOU'RE ALLOWED TO CRY

I actually really love this

like a lot

generally crying is associated with sad things and characters in shows, particularly if they're men, usually only portray crying as sad, but its actually perfectly normal to cry for literally any emotion at all, and its so refreshing to see him tearing up so much that he needs to wipe it away with his hand, but not because something bad happened, because he's so proud of himself and of how far hes come and it just makes him cry, nothing more complicated than that.

you see, im pretty sure my emotions are stored in my eyes, and I think I generally feel overwhelming amounts of emotions more often than the average person, so at least once a day, those emotions come spilling out because there's just too much of it to keep in my eyes at once

im honestly genuinely surprised I still have tears left

wait how are tears made

where do they come from

how do they not run out

google is not answering my question properly and im too tired and stupid to process whole-ass articles and research thingies so can Someone Who Knows Things please get back to me on this? like how do our eyes just keep producing tears over and over again without running out of stock

so. he couldnt find his watch. he found out one of his employees stole it. he fired that employee. he's now grumpy because he has to water plants himself now. another employee offered to do the plant watering for him. in exchange, he's giving the employee the very same watch.

do you see what im tryna say here? and what everyone else also probably noticed? it just doesnt make sense

the math aint mathin

is it... leverage against saifah?

because he told him to water the plants every day from now on

idk man im too tired for this to figure out what's going on

he's ridiculous, I love him

like I said at the start of the episode sailom, you're boyfriends now, there's no WAY he's letting you keep your personal space

AAA

HJSHDJHDJGH

oh. so it's... not them running away? it's just them heading to a training camp?

wait but in that shot in the intro they dont have much with them. surely thats not them going to a training camp, that's gotta be them running away????

...

here it comes. here comes the angst. a lot later in the episode than I was expecting, but it's here nonetheless and im not happy about it

go shove a cactus up your ass you bastard

OHOHOHOH I THINK THEY ARE ABOUT TO RUN AWAY

BECAUSE WHAT KANGSAILOM ARE CURRENTLY WEARING IS WHAT THEYRE WEARING IN THAT SHOT IN THE INTRO

AND THEY JUST RODE THE BIKE TO SCHOOL

AND THEY JUST TALKED ABOUT GOING TO KORAT

SO I THINK THEY'RE LITERALLY RIGHT ABOUT TO LEAVE AND HAUL THEIR ASSES OUT OF THERE

like right at the end of the episode probably

perth tanapon sukumpantanasan is a wonder

PARALLELS TO EPISODE 1 WHERE KANG WAS TELLING SAILOM TO PROSTATE HIMSELF ON HIS KNEES

ASSHOLE

BASTARD

PRICK

BULLY

BITCH

THERE ARE NOT WORDS ENOUGH TO EXPRESS THE NAMES I WANT TO CALL HIM

IM AGGRESSIVELY FLIPPING OFF MY SCREEN RIGHT NOW HE'S TERRIBLE AND DISGUSTING AND HORRIBLE AND I KNEW HE WAS BAD AND I KNEW HE WOULD BE THIS BAD BUT HOLY FRICK THIS IS DISGUSTING I can't wait for this man to be shot

excellent closing words

turn your back and walk away from this mess (and come back to a crime scene where your father has been shot and your boyfriend's brother is being arrested in front of the house but we'll get to that when it comes to it)

I get what he's feeling and what he means but kang, you still have your friends, you still have your boyfriend, your grandma, you're not completely alone

thank you sailom for pointing out to him that he's not alone, you're doing me a huge favour (especially considering im a viewer through a screen and not someone who can actually interact with kang so anything I say is kind of pointless)

hugs :(

OKAY SO THE THING IS RIGHT

this is really sad and horrible and all that stuff

but, but but but but, he's cried three times in one episode. and one of those times wasn't crying from sadness. that doesnt happen often and I think we should acknowledge that

I love kang for being an emotional mess, he's like me frfr

side note: all of sailom's hugs look so comfortable

YESSSSS THEYRE FINALLY GONNA KISS NEXT EPISODE

and like I know they've technically already kissed twice but I mean they're finally gonna kiss good if that makes sense

the first time was revenge, and im sorry kang but the second time was just bad. that was a bad kiss.

WHICH, BY THE WAY, IS FINE

its okay to have a bad first kiss

in fact, there should be MORE bad first kisses in relationships in fictional media

also: loved the gay motorbike commercial in the post-credits scene thingy

ANYWAY this episode was amazing and it was so fluffy and I loved it all so so so much and I'll definitely be rewatching it every day over the next week to keep the brainworms under control, like im slapping flex seal over a crack in my soul repeatedly every day until the next episode comes out

goodnight folks, its nearly 3am, have a wonderful evening/day/morning/whatever, and keep calm and sailom

[acanvasofabillionsuns]

gotta make you understand

throwback to late 2020/early 2021, my small stories series is back!! i've got a few more prompts left that i'm going to try to write soon 👀

AO3!

Summary: Janus is pretty sure Virgil's avoiding them because he hates them. It is... not that. Warnings: none Wordcount: 549

“Wait, what?”

Janus shifted uncomfortably. “I just… want to know what I did wrong? You don’t have to tell me.”

“You didn’t do anything!” Virgil told him, scouring his brain for why Janus would think he hated them.

He did have a tendency to flip his hood up when he was around to hide any potential blushing that made its way past his foundation, which he guessed could be seen as an intimidation thing or something? Maybe like ‘I don’t want to look at your face so I’m going to put my hood in the way?’

And he hardly ever talked around Janus, too scared of fumbling his words to say anything, which Virgil could see being flipped into ‘I hate you and don’t want to talk to you.’ And he did sometimes, occasionally, go out of his way to avoid Janus. (Only because he’s sure every time he runs into them he’s going to embarrass himself horribly, even though usually it doesn’t end up nearly as bad as that. Stupid anxiety brain.)

So Virgil kind of got where Janus is coming from, which made this even more embarrassing.

“You didn’t do anything,” Virgil repeated. “I just… was being dumb. Sorry.”

Janus raised an eyebrow (how did he do that; Virgil’s a little jealous, very impressed, and so gay) and drawled, “Really. Because you avoiding me and refusing to talk to me unless I force you is just… you being dumb, and I haven’t done anything at all to upset you or make you hate me or anything. Sure.” They sighed and hugged their arms around himself, looking away. “I already said you didn’t have to tell me; you don’t have to lie.”

“I didn’t—” Virgil fidgeted in place. He could and should just tell him now, so c’mon—

Janus sighed again. “Right.” They turned to go.

“Janus, wait!” Virgil almost shouted. They paused but didn’t turn to look at him, and Virgil took a deep breath, balling his hands into fists. “The only thing that you’ve done wrong,” he ground out, “is be so stupidly pretty around me. So. Yeah. I’m just being dumb.”

Janus turned back and searched his face, which Virgil was sure was glowing by now. He wanted to flip up his hood, look away, take some of the heat off, but he needed them to know he meant it, so he forced eye contact. 

He felt himself getting antsier and antsier as Janus stayed silent. Their arms uncrossed and fell to their sides, was that a good thing? Was the stunned expression a positive one? Had he just taken the last tatters of their friendship and lit them on fire?

“Oh,” Janus finally breathed.

“Oh?” Virgil immediately regretted how aggressive he sounded.

“Well, I understand that you don’t hate me, now,” Janus said, arms crossing again. “But I think you owe me for making me think that for so long.”

“Okay?” That was plenty fair; Virgil felt terrible about that. “What can I do?”

Janus hummed thoughtfully, tapping his lips. Virgil was pretty sure they’d already decided what they wanted and were just drawing it out.

“Take me on a date,” they finally declared.

“Oh.” Virgil felt like the air was punched out of him. Was this what being high felt like?

“Oh?”

“Yes.”

[alangdorf]

Actually more rambling now. Currently thinking thoughts abt Tsuru and also Yabu (and Tsubakura by extension, obviously, who do you think I am,)

Always extremely funny that Tsubakura isn’t in most of Evanescent Existence just because they ignored the psychic intercom message and got really interested in the weird cave instead. What exactly was Tsurubami’s plan for if they hadn’t done that?? They run into each other and Tsubakura’s like “yeah I guess this might as well happen to me today”

Anyway the whole plot of Evanescent Existence is bizarre but it feels in character with how inscrutable Tsurubami is. Impossible to tell whether he has a convoluted plan or if she’s just having fun and it doesn’t matter cause he’s so all-powerful she’ll just get whatever she wants in the end regardless. Awesome!

Gotta mention one of my favorite fan works and definitely my favorite writing of Tsurubami is Misremembered Memories (fangame by Mugenri) (the person); I once summed up Yabusame’s scenario as “hey girl I didn’t call to talk to you put your dog on the phone” and made myself laugh extremely hard. And the bit where Tsurubami is like “it’s a trade secret!” And Tsubakura’s like “We have the same job? I’m filling in for you at your job?” And Tsubrubami’s like “Oh, I guess you’re right!” *blatantly continues to not tell them what they were drugged with* is LEGENDARY. But aside from the incredible banter I also love how Tsurubami asks Yabu & Tsuba for favors only after they’re already in a position where they can’t reasonably refuse. Feels right (kicking the “frankly I think it’s hot when characters are manipulative” tag from my ‘shall we dance’ pic under the fridge)

Oh yeah speaking of the song I happen to have a very strong link between liking music -> liking the associated character (slightly less so for Len’en than with Tohuhou cause I’m more interested in the story on its own merits for Len’en but it still seems to largely be the case) and I’m still very obsessed with the song. Thoughts on how it connects to the character 1) leading (like in dancing) 2) disorienting 3) silly goofy mischievous. Though I’ll admit I’m even more obsessed with broken eternal dance engine these days and that’s a twofer cause it’s actually Arde but would still presumably apply to a case where Tsurubami was outright trying to kill you! Either way 1) DANGER 2) even more disorienting 3) if you have the sound turned up just enough on that last big beat drop. Insane. The key change. The flip from just piano to full strings and heavy bass and crazy percussion. Kills me every time

(Tangent my friends who only know Len’en because of me talking about it are used to me very ardently insisting that Arde is just, like, pretty normal actually and today I was like “oh yeah I forgot this is her theme btw” *MO-NA-D-1 Memory Pursuit (basically a horror movie soundtrack)* lol)

Also I was thinking about the possibility that Tsurubami was the one who activated Rei (bc of how Rei talks abt him) and that’s got me spiraling. What all is she doing out there? If he was outright pretending to be Tsubakura again wouldn’t Hoojiro (& Haru) know about it? How’d he get access otherwise?

Extreme mental gymnastics offshoot from there: is Tsubakura a nepo baby??? Is it EN like 燕??? I dunno man. Trying to reverse engineer their backstory is such an ordeal; I keep muddling through their confusing relationship dynamics with Arde (it’s more straightforward with Hamal. Weird and bad, but straightforward!) and I’ll just be constantly going like girl (gender neutral) what is wrong with you…. Why are you like this……..

Anyway. My one big thing to share about Yabu is that I used to make the joke that Len’en as a whole feels like “Tsubakura’s terrible horrible no good very bad day, and also Yabusame is there” and then one day I had the epiphany to flip “it’s kinda funny Yabu just doesn’t really have a personal reason to be involved in all this” into “but she is anyway! They didn’t have to be there but she’s there for Tsubakura!” and got extremely soft about it.

Also uhhh I guess it depends on how much everyone knows about how Suzumi and their abilities work (always difficult to sus out) but in theory if Tsubakura knows about Yabusame’s immunity then them living with her would lessen paranoia that Suzumi could show up and then make them forget about it afterwards (though maybe undeservedly considering how BPoHC went lol)? Works as a deterrent either way. Okay so I think what we’ve learned here is I’m definitely not done with trying to make sense of a detailed headcanon version of precanon lol

[thebigshotman]

(It’s “2001: A Space Odyssey”, so of course my thoughts got a little long 😅 My review is under the cut if you’re interested! Sorry this is a day late compared to when I usually post my reviews. I’ll be back for threads and asks on Monday!)

I feel like this week went by super fast; I chalk it up to both midterms and being excited to come back here. But nevertheless, it’s once again time to talk about the movie I saw in film class this week! It’s also once again, for the last time, Kubrick time! With the movie he made after “Dr. Strangelove”, the iconic and beloved “2001: A Space Odyssey”.

…Dear lord. It’s been more than twenty four hours and my mind is still scrambled from everything that I watched. Mostly the last half hour 🤣 Does it deserve to be in everyone’s movie top 10? Hell yeah! Is it in mine? …It’s complicated. How the hell this man jumped from “Cold War satire” to “THE sci-fi film” in 4 years is beyond me lol

The plot jumps all over the place, but there’s four main parts. “The Dawn of Man”, a cool little prologue where apes discover they can use bones as tools due to a giant black monolith, an untitled segment full of cool zero-g stuff where it’s discovered there’s another monolith on the moon sending signals to Jupiter, “The Jupiter Mission” itself eighteen months later where everything gradually goes horribly wrong, and “Jupiter and Beyond the Infinite” where…it was colorful, that’s the only thing that happened for certain! There was also a space baby and an evil computer. But this movie is so well known that even just describing the sections of the plot so thinly like that is probably enough to get the gist.

Let’s talk about the good stuff first. This movie is beautiful. Watching it on a giant projector in a conference room for class is probably the closest I’ll get to watching it in 70mm as intended, probably. It really captures the emptiness of space. The set design is also magnificent. The effects, too: The spacecraft miniatures probably provided the inspiration for Star Wars, and the Stargate scene was this beautiful yet creepy wash of color.

The music was also amazing, and not just “Also Spake Zathustra” (aka the timpani and horn fanfare). The disorienting piece that played whenever a monolith showed up started out annoying, to be fair, but it gradually started to creep me out with each successive use. And “The Blue Danube”, which underscores the lighthearted and impressive zero-g scenes in part 2, was a phenomenal choice of music for the two scenes it showed up in. Now it’s one of my favorite pieces of classical music; it makes me feel so bouncy and carefree. The same pieces of music are used throughout, but that allows what they each mean to build up with each use.

And of course, Hal 9000 the evil computer was great. But the characters bring me to the things I didn’t like: The humans were…kinda boring? Not terrible, definitely not, but plain. They served their purposes in the story and that was it. That’s kind of a nitpick though, cause it’s not like I hated any of the characters. However, what I did hate was the pacing. Good lord. I know it’s one of its defining elements but god the pacing.

About twenty minutes of this movie could’ve been cut, like shots and scenes that went on too long, and nothing would’ve been missed. Key scenes like this are when the ships on the moon are docking and Dave is switching out the communication device (which is accompanied exclusively by breathing noises that made me very uncomfortable. Sadly not the only scene this happened in). Not bad, per say, but if you sit down to watch this thing you gotta be aware of that and have patience. I know a lot of people in the classroom didn’t. Still, it was an effective tension builder at times, like when Dave is disabling Hal. But those times were few.

And then there’s the ending, which is so incomprehensible that it’s very well known at this point. I have no idea what it means lol. But I enjoyed hearing other people’s interpretations. And I think that’s what Kubrick and Arthur C Clark were going for! Far be it from me to hate things open to interpretation; Spamton is full of things open to interpretation after all. Like with him seeing what other people think is part of the fun! But I personally have no definite theory yet. I’ll get back to you when I watch this movie again in like…a year. Or longer.

I’m glad I watched this movie, I really am! It had a lot of awesome stuff, even minus the iconic things everyone knows, and I can see why this tops so many people’s movie lists. It would probably even be on mine, but like…real close to the bottom. I loved this movie when I liked it, but the super slow parts left a lot to desire. It gets my stamp of approval though! Anyone who wants to do filmmaking or sci-fi should watch this before undertaking. Watching it on a phone doesn’t do it justice, though, so keep that in mind. I recommend it! But…pace yourself while watching lol.

This coming week is spring break, so no movie review unfortunately. However the week after we’re watching another super iconic movie, “The Godfather”! So stay tuned to hear my thoughts on that. As for replies to the many threads and asks I owe here, they will start coming on Monday (and maybe even tomorrow while watching the Oscars, but no guarantees). So stay tuned for that as well! Thank you for reading this far, and I’ll see you all soon!

One of the “Blue Danube” moments…seriously for a classical waltz that song is fire lol

[theodoraflowerday]

young royals s2s3 live reaction

guys she's meditating - she's died

OR EVEN DISTRIBUTION OF CHILD PORNOGRAPHY YEAHHHHHHHH REMIND THAT BITCH OF WHAT HE DID

imprisonable offense ayyyy

wille just needs to smoke a blunt and get his dick sucked honestly at this point nothing else is gonna work

oh would you look at that that's a TRAITOR RIGHT THERE

fuck you malin you know what you did

"it doesn't matter if you cheat you'll always get away with it" you know what other kinda cheating he could get away with? I'm just sayin!!

THE FOOD HAS BEEN SO SO THIS WEEK IT'S STARTING TO AFFECT MY ABILITY TO FOCUS

ROSH IS HELPING HIM TRAIN AWWWWW

"i don't get why I can't fall in love with him!" baby boy you know why (and rosh does too bc that look she just gave him? deep)

felice with the best advice in the world: communicate

this is fucking hilarious he's just like "btw you're queer. I'm queer. we can, you know. discuss. if you want" like that's fucking hilarious

this feels like it's building towards the revelation that erik killed himself

"in a way I wish it had never happened, it was better to be oblivious about how it can feel" i want to dieeeeeeeeee

OH THAT'S FUCKING HILARIOUS

NOT THAT ITS ANY OF YOUR BUSINESS BUT WE'RE NOT TOGETHER

this presentation is about to be a trainwreck. this useless ass dude, two gays who can't get their shit together, and sara

sara is....... very sara

this one feels a little too personal to be hillerska doesn't it? or did I misunderstood the assignment?

oh sure, sing that in front of the queen who already hates you lmao

I love miss choir teacher so much

oh wow vincent is a psychopath

JUDAS

august coming up w more elaborate traitor names for vincent is hilarious akfjslfjdk brutus, judas, who's next

GET A JOB STAY AWAY FROM HER

how can sara look at simon in the eye and tell him august is trying not to be an asshole when she KNOWS he leaked the video and she KNOWS simon doesn't know

ask him. ask him why. ask himmmmmm

BECAUSE OF WILHELM? YEAAAAAAAAAA

it's very that's the way i loved you I love this

WHY ARE YOU BRINGING THIS UP YOU BITCH

DON'T TOUCH HIMMMMMM

why couldn't he just say "okay, I respect this, thanks for telling me" and GO AWAY. WHY ARE YOU BRINGING UP HIS DAD.

oh ahaha that's going to be fucking hilarious when wille sees him out there and absolutely breaks in half

you know those tiktoks of girls that go "she just found out her bf cheated on her" and it's a sports girl preparing to go to fucking war on that field? that's about to be crown prince wilhelm of sweden just now

not august inviting sara over to talk and sara wanting him to dick her down instead skfjdlgjgl

"i just feel like the worst person in the world" that's because you areeeeee

OH LMFAO

oh I thought she was grabbing his tits lmao

I can't believe this lol

I mean i can believe it I just can't believe I'm watching this

oh okay I gotta admit that's kinda cute. in a heavily fucked up, reeks of betrayal kinda way.

HE CANT OPEN THE CONDOM LMAO

wait are the curtains open???

HE WAS GONNA GO DOWN ON HER???? I didn't think he had it in him

oh sara baby

okay that's about to be hilarious if wille and august end up having to be in-laws (again, in a fucked up, reeks of betrayal kinda way)

imagine having to go to family dinner and look at the face of the man who leaked your sex tape while you were underage and ruined your life too

I cannot believe august can just sit there next to simon like he didn't ruin his life AND ALSO fuck sara the night before

oh no

I am nothing but oh no about it

I am just the human personification of oh no right now

oh no fuck off

oh no that's bad

oh that's terrible

oh haha that's horrible

I hope vincent dies ngl

nvm I will simply be the one who dies instead lmao

it can only go up from here, right?

thank fucking god for felice

just now I'm already seeing that this won't be a rewatchable season for me lol

there is no fucking WAY

kristina: you did something unforgivable to wilhelm. do you wanna be king?

oh my god this massive ass raging astounding dumpster fire of a fucking BITCH

"i will always stand by my son and put him first" will you, you fucking bitch? will you actually?

oh this episode is the worst thing in the world lmao

"can't you just hold me?" I am going to kill myself. just put a bullet straight in my skull. intracranial lead therapy for me. how could they

they're even in the same position that he was w simon in s2 like

I want to literally die

I cannot believe this

like I straight up cannot believe this

I understand now the whole thing about choices that's........ fucked up

oh my god that's fucked up

oh that's FUCKED UP AS SHIT

WHAT THE FUCK

oh that's fucked up. that's so fucked up.

did they have to do it paralleled like that too? what the fuck

what the fuck

[willywonks-blog]

## Super Bowl VII: A Night Remembered (and Regretted)

**[SCENE START]**

**EXT. SUPER BOWL VII - HOUSTON, TEXAS - 1978 - DAY**

A sea of orange and blue jerseys. The buzz of the crowd is a symphony of anticipation. Cheerleaders in sparkling costumes. The Super Bowl halftime show is about to begin.

**[MONTAGE START]**

**INT. SUPER BOWL VII STAGE - 1978 - DAY**

A spotlight pierces the darkness. PAUL WILLIAMS, a mop of blonde hair, dressed in a sparkling football uniform, takes the stage.

**(PAUL'S VOICE, O.S.)**

'Hey, everybody! How's it going in the Dome tonight?'

The crowd roars in response. Paul raises his hand in a football gesture, a wide smile on his face.

**(PAUL'S VOICE, O.S.)**

'Tonight, we're gonna celebrate the spirit of the game! The grit, the sweat, the glory!'

He strikes a dramatic pose, one hand on his hip, the other holding a microphone.

**(PAUL'S VOICE, O.S.)**

'You know, there's a lot of pressure on these guys out there, fighting for every yard…'

He sings the first verse of a song, his voice straining in the wide-open space of the stadium:

**(PAUL'S VOICE, O.S.)**

'Out on the field, under the lights so bright

They give it their all, with every ounce of might

Every play's a battle, every yard a fight

Gotta break through the line, gotta take flight…'

He dances in a flamboyant Broadway style, complete with elaborate hand gestures and exaggerated facial expressions. The camera cuts to the crowd, some staring in confusion, others laughing, many simply bewildered.

**(PAUL'S VOICE, O.S.)**

'The quarterback, he throws a spiral so true

The receiver, he leaps, catching it in view

The crowd roars its approval, it's a sight to see

A symphony of cheers, for the world to decree…'

He hits a high note, the microphone catching the strain in his voice.

**(PAUL'S VOICE, O.S.)**

'This is the game, the ultimate test

Where courage and skill are put to the test

So raise your voices, let the cheering begin

The Super Bowl's here, and the game's about to win!'

He ends with a flourish, bowing to the crowd. The camera zooms in on a lone fan, a young boy, with a bewildered expression.

**[MONTAGE END]**

**EXT. SUPER BOWL VII - HOUSTON, TEXAS - 1978 - DAY**

The crowd cheers. Paul, exhausted but exhilarated, takes a bow, his smile beaming.

**(PAUL'S VOICE, O.S.)**

'I did it! I did it! I sang for the Super Bowl!'

**[SCENE END]**

**[SCENE START]**

**INT. PAUL WILLIAMS' APARTMENT - LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA - 2000 - NIGHT**

Paul, now sober and with a more mature face, watches the Super Bowl on TV.

**(NARRATOR)**

Years passed. The glitter and glamour of the 70s faded, leaving behind the harsh reality of addiction. Paul, finally sober, found himself in a new world. A world where the memories of his past were a constant companion, sometimes a friend, more often a ghost.

Paul watches the halftime show, a modern pop star performing for the crowd, the spectacle a stark contrast to his own performance years ago. He sighs, a wave of embarrassment washing over him.

**(PAUL'S VOICE, O.S.)**

'That was horrible. Absolutely terrible…'

He reaches for a bottle of water, taking a long sip.

**(PAUL'S VOICE, O.S.)**

'I was a mess. I didn't even know what I was doing. And that outfit! What was I thinking?'

He shakes his head, a faint smile playing on his lips.

**(PAUL'S VOICE, O.S.)**

'But it was a high. A huge, crazy high...'

He looks at the ceiling, a wistful expression on his face.

**(PAUL'S VOICE, O.S.)**

'I was so lost, so desperate for that feeling. It didn't matter what I did, as long as I felt something. And I guess, in a way, I did. For that moment, I was on top of the world.'

He looks out the window, the city lights twinkling below.

**(PAUL'S VOICE, O.S.)**

'But it was all a facade. A mirage in the desert of my addiction. It wasn't real. It couldn't last.'

He turns back to the TV, the modern pop star singing. He watches for a moment, a flicker of envy in his eyes.

**(PAUL'S VOICE, O.S.)**

'I wonder what it feels like to be up there now. To be sober, to be free. To be loved for what you are, not for what you do.'

He takes another sip of water, a slow, deliberate movement.

**(PAUL'S VOICE, O.S.)**

'I guess I'll never know. But I'm grateful for this moment. For the clarity, for the peace.'

He smiles, a genuine, heartfelt smile.

**(PAUL'S VOICE, O.S.)**

'It's not a high. It's not a dream. It's just life. And that's enough.'

**[SCENE END]**

My Paul Williams fanfic of the Super Bowl 1978 for @baycitystygian

[infizero]

pokespe reread: ruby & sapphire chapter - closing thoughts! 🔴🔵

i've finally reached the end of the ruby & sapphire.... im now gonna start from the beginning and work my way back up to FRLG like i said i would!

first though, some overall thoughts!!

(also im gonna say right off the bat that i am only talking strictly ruby & sapphire here, not anything that happens in ORAS - i'll get to THAT when i get there. eventually - or any other arcs)

ok first off i said i would talk about the way the narrative portrays norman once i had finished the whole arc. and now that i have.... yup its basically as i had already been feeling as i read. they dont know wtf they're doing with norman. sometimes it feels like they're so obviously portraying him as a threat and a bad person, but they just cannot accept that and keep trying to make him sympathetic.

and i dont think that giving norman more layers as a character is a bad thing! but you can just tell that when you learn that norman WAS going to give ruby permission to do contests before he ran away, or how norman gave up his shot at being a gym leader to pay for ruby's childish mistake, the intent is not to add layers to an otherwise unredeemable character. the intent is for the reader to go "oh, he's not so bad after all! he actually IS a good dad!"

and thats. i mean i dont think i need to describe why thats horrible. the way norman treated ruby is unforgivable and he is NOT a character that should be so easily redeemed. they cant even portray his abuse without downplaying it!! like how do you depict norman beating his 11 year old child up in such horrible upsetting detail and then immediately have the other characters in the story undermine it and go "aww hes not such a bad dad after all!" RIGHT AFTER SAID ABUSE! it doesnt matter that norman was going to give ruby permission, it doesnt matter that he sacrificed for ruby when he was younger, none of that matters when its put up against norman BEATING THE FUCK OUT OF RUBY! (and like i already said in my norman analysis post, even the contest permission thing isnt that good of a deed bcuz it doesnt come with any actual change in behavior from norman)

all that to say, a very clearly abusive father is depicted here and yet the narrative is dead set on trying to make you think that his abuse isnt that bad and that hes actually a good guy deep down. which is just frankly gross and i really wish it had been handled better.

secondly, i already said this but oh my god the thing with celebi is so fucking stupid. like this isnt even cause i want norman to have stayed dead, this is just objectively a stupid writing decision. you have these characters die and add so much drama and stakes to the story, and then at the last moment you reveal that ruby SOMEHOW had caught celebi back in johto and just???? had it with him THIS ENTIRE TIME and it never came up once?

and everything just magically gets fixed and the consequences of that are just not addressed. this is just bad writing im sorry. it happens so quickly and so nonsensically it instantly makes everything that happened feel so much less consequential.

and to be clear the problem isnt that it was solved with magic! this is pokemon after all lmao. the problem is that celebi was not set up AT ALL in the story. there was absolutely NO BASIS for this reveal so it feels completely random and like a terrible deus ex machina. needless to say in my personal canon this does not happen and everyone who died just stays dead lol. (maybe not steven. we'll see once i revisit ORAS, if he really needs to be alive then i can make an exception and just say he doesnt die in the first place here. but norman and courtney at the very least gotta stay dead like cmon man)

third, here are my thoughts on how the narrative portrays ruby and sapphire's gender nonconformity overall (again, STRICTLY IN R&S) which ive been waiting to talk about!

i'll first say that i was nervous the whole time since i couldnt really remember how things were by the end, but im actually pleasantly surprised! i do have some criticisms which i'll go ahead and get out of the way first.

first of all, there is some weirdness with how sapphire is portrayed. most of the time she is tough and masculine but they occasionally hamfist in these moments where she's like "hey but i am a GIRL yknow. i can like cute things and have crushes and stuff" and it just feels. off

like im not SAYING that sapphire cant also have SOME interest in traditionally feminine things. but the way it's presented can make it feel a little like sapphire is really a "normal" (feminine) girl underneath it all and that her toughness and masculinity are all just a front. i dont think thats true and from the way they portray her other times i dont think that is supposed to be the takeaway. but it can feel like that sometimes

like it definitely feels like in contrast to ruby, they were scared to make sapphire TOO masculine without giving her certain traditional markers of femininity. yes she's like this but also look she's squealing over her crush on ruby! she is still a GIRL after all!

this can be seen as well in her appearance - while i love her fangs and wild expressions, she is still depicted as this pretty feminine looking girl. she's skinny and fairly curvy, she's got long pretty eyelashes, she wears a short skirt, etc etc. (yes ik ruby made those clothes for her but on a meta level that IS what she has been chosen to wear. and i also know that they have to use the gameverse designs BELIEVE ME I KNOW. im just commenting on it)

and again irl none of this really matters ppl can do whatever they want gender-wise and presentation-wise. but this, being a story and all, is a conscious decision to create this character this way, which might i add was made by men. sapphire is remarkably brash and masculine and i dont want to undermine that, but it really feels like they were too scared to really go all the way and not add little "oh but shes still feminine in this way of course" disclaimers throughout the story

another negative is that, while i do love ruby and sapphire's backstory, it does come with the unfortunate side effect of once again calling their gender nonconformity's genuineness into question.

having ruby and sapphire be a traditionally masculine little boy and a traditionally feminine little girl when they were kids, with seemingly no qualms about this, can make it feel like those are their "true selves" and that their gender nonconformity was ENTIRELY just bcuz of their trauma. as in, sapphire is ONLY masculine bcuz she wanted to get strong enough to protect herself and others, and deep down she actually is a feminine girl; ruby is ONLY feminine bcuz he was scared of hurting others with his strength, and deep down he actually is a masculine boy.

now this isnt actually true, and the narrative shows us this since in the little epilogue they're still acting in their usual gnc ways. but it does sow an unfortunate seed of doubt in the mind of the reader that really doesnt need to be there.

but with that out of the way lemme show some love for the positives of ruby and sapphire's portrayal bcuz i just love these guys so much

first of all, it's never even so much as implied that ruby doesnt ACTUALLY like contests or sapphire doesnt ACTUALLY like battling. if the intended narrative really was that it was all a front post-trauma and they're actually gender-conforming deep inside, then this wouldn't be the case.

secondly, im really happy that the story ends with reaffirming these things about them!! by the end ruby is decorating sapphire's cave, fawning over cute plushies with his signature Gayass Face, and bragging about his skills brushing pokemon. and sapphire is still battling, running around with her dirty pokemon, and rolling her eyes at ruby's decor. this IS who they are. ruby IS feminine and sapphire IS masculine. the narrative does not let you think otherwise by the end

third of all, i just really appreciate them being portrayed like this at all. like i said sapphire's depiction could have been played a lot less safe, but she still is a pretty masculine character and she embodies a lot of qualities that werent rlly common for these characters at the time. she's freakishly strong, she's brash, and she's constantly running around being a hero to everyone she meets, in contrast to ruby not really fitting the label of hero at all (at least until the end)

and ruby is just so overtly feminine and well. queer. it's still astounding to me. ive said before, i obviously dont agree with everything kusaka's ever done, but i will always thank him for fighting against the editors to let pokemon have such a feminine male protagonist. that really means a lot, esp back in 2002!

ruby is a very flawed character (i mean that in a good way!) and it can sometimes feel like the narrative is laughing at him a bit, but at the same time he IS the protagonist and you are supposed to sympathize with him. and like i said before, there is never any reveal that actually ruby DOESNT like these feminine things and he was just forcing himself to after the salamence incident.

he just IS feminine, even by the end of the story after all his character development. that part of him is never depicted as something that he would be better off without, that's just who he is! even after beginning to battle again. and i appreciate that!

alright and finally. just some notes on how ruby and sapphire's romance is portrayed. i've already said a lot of this but i wanted to repeat it here

basically, OVERALL i like how their romance is written. i love franticshipping, i think they're so cute and i love how they've got the whole opposites attract, enemies to lovers thing going on

i think kusaka overall does a good job of showing them starting to care more about each other in a way that feels well written, but then sometimes he just throws in some stupid cliche fanfiction bullshit that completely disrupts the slow burn going on.

the perfect example of this is the scene where sapphire rushes into granite cave to save ruby:

the way that she just instantly bolts into danger without thinking the second she realizes hes in trouble already tells you SO MUCH about how far their relationship has come and how much she cares about him, just on its own.

but then kusaka apparently decides that this isnt enough and he needs to really make it obvious, so he slaps in this weird moment that feels really off tone-wise:

like this is a dangerous situation! its tense! being treated seriously! and then all of the sudden we're hit with this comedic cliche little "it's not like i like him or anything!!1!" moment that just feels really forced. esp since brawly literally just called ruby a friend of hers. i'd take sapphire getting embarrassed/defensive at ruby being called for her friend, but there is no reason she needs to just flat out go "it's not like i have a BIG FAT CRUSH ON HIM!!" like girl. no one was saying that. what are you exposing yourself for 😭

this happens a couple other times where these random moments of making it extremely obvious that ruby and sapphire like each other are unnecessarily inserted into their otherwise slowburn romance. and it just doesnt need to be there man. the story would be much better off without these moments, if we JUST got the subtle displays of care, some blushing, etc leading up to the eventual confession. like that just makes it so much more engaging!! rather than just straight up telling the audience "they like each other!" like ik this IS for kids but damn bro cmon let me figure that out myself with my brain 😭

i also think that ruby forcefully preventing sapphire from helping him save the world near the end should have had more attention drawn to it. like ik he was just trying to protect her but i think sapphire should've been allowed to get mad at him for that!! at the very least i think it should've been brought up in the aftermath and ruby should've apologized or something. it just feels like sapphire's agency was totally stripped from her in the climax of the story and because it's never addressed, the narrative basically says that there was nothing wrong with ruby doing this.

(hmm wow ruby ignoring sapphire's agency and doing things "for her own good" without actually consulting her? that feels..... familiar........

oh god. it's right behind me isn't it

ACK. BACK FOUL DEMON. it's not your time..... not yet....)

but yes, other than these moments, i think their romance is well-written. they are just sooooo freaking cute i love them so so much. this arc may not be flawless (none of them are lol) but it did give the world charmer ruby and conqueror sapphire so. let's end on that.

overall i really enjoyed rereading thru ruby & sapphire with a new perspective now that im older, and i cant wait to do so with the rest of pokespe!!!

see you all next time for whenever i finish rereading RGB!

[crowborn666-writes]

Hi there! I really liked your Drabble of the reader playing with hawks feather while he was at an interview XD I could imagine it all and it was very cute and funny.

Anyways, I hope your day/night is going well! I was wondering if I could request something? A Hawks/keigo takami x female reader where the reader is his girlfriend, and she’s super shy, even around him, but she’s been a bit better with it. This is because she’s never dated before and hawks thinks it’s just so adorable. But I was thinking she ends up staying awake all night waiting for him cause she’s worried and he gets home kinda ruffed up, but nothing terrible. He notices right away she stayed up all night and its not her first time. A bit of a scold and he thinks it’s so cute that she stutters a bit to tell him how worrried she was.(this was during the time hawks was a spy for the league of villains)

I am so sorry this is super long😖thank you so much in advance if you do write this!

Worry

(Hi! So glad to see you liked Riled! It was fun to write ^^ and I hope your day/night is better than my last few days have been. Being sick isn’t fun.)

Hawks × F!Reader

Genre: Fluff, Romantic

Summary: Hawks’ late-night work was beginning to worry you, so you stay up late to be there when he comes back.

~~~~~~

You were honestly surprised a guy like Keigo gave you the time of day. With how shy you were, you were convinced he wouldn’t even look your way. But here you were, spending a night at home curled up in his muscled arms, a cheesy romcom completely forgotten in the background as you focused on the heartbeat under your ear. Keigo’s wings draped over you like a blanket, his hands firm and grounding against your back, thumbs brushing shapes into your skin.

He had said some extra work would be coming up soon, so he offered up a date night at home to spend time together before he had to go.

“You gonna be fine on your own? I can ask Endeavor to house you at his agency if needed.” He mumbled, one hand tucking a few locks behind your ear.

“I’ll be okay. You said it was just for one day right?”

“More or less.” You could hear the soft smile in his voice, one hand leaving your form to grasp the TV remote.

“You looking for the nature documentaries?” You asked, smiling as you watched him flip through the channels.

“Nope.~” Keigo chirped, clicking on a show about lizards.

You stirred from your slumber at movement and a disappearance of warmth at your back. Your hand naturally caught ahold of Keigo’s sleeve, his hand grasping yours a moment later to gently loosen your grip.

“Hey lovebird, I gotta get goin’.” He breathed into the early morning darkness, his lips brushing your forehead.

“Mkay…” you mumbled as you rolled over, smiling as he tucked his pillow into your arms, the scent wafting into your nose, “Be safe, Kei.”

“I will.”

Another few kisses to your forehead and cheeks, you heard your boyfriend slip off into the role of Hawks.

You’d awoken a few hours later, having no alarm to wake up to. You grumbled at the light shining through you window, sitting up and taking a few minutes to wake before pulling yourself out of bed.

As you made your way to the kitchen for breakfast, you took note of the lack of red feathers you’re used to seeing. You figured Keigo needed all of his feathers for what he had planned.

You made some pancakes for yourself, if only to pass some extra time, quietly eating while watching something on your phone.

You didn’t text Keigo that day, knowing he was busy with his important work. Anxiety creeped into your mind that day, hissing about what horrible things could happen if you tried texting him and have it be the wrong place, wrong time.

You shook your head to dispel those thoughts. If Keigo got worried, he would text you, then you’d know it was the right time.

Even still, you found your attention gravitating to news websites and news channels more often, anxious to hear of anything, whether good or bad. The hours passed by slowly it seemed, news of pros saving lives and villains being captured but none about Hawks.

The anxiety was keeping you up, the clock reading half past ten but here you were, wide awake and waiting.

It went on to midnight, and still no sign of your boyfriend.

You were constantly checking your phone for any texts or calls you may have missed somehow, too worried to notice the thunk of boots on the back patio.

“(Y/n)?”

Your head snapped up, seeing Keigo in the doorway, a few bruises and scrapes visible on his skin. “What are you doing awake?”

He naturally gravitated to you and your outstretching hands, letting you cling to his jacket and bury your face into his chest.

“I-I got worried, and-and I didn’t want to call or text in case it got you int-into trouble and I was hearing anything from your or-or the news and—”

“Hey, I’m here.” He cut you off, gently pushing you from his chest so you could see him, “A bit roughed up as you can see but nothing too bad! If anything I should be the one worried about you, staying up like this isn’t good for that pretty face of yours.”

You sniffled a bit, your nerves finally settling down as a smile broke out. Keigo pressed kisses to your cheeks, gathering you up into his arms to carry you to the bedroom.

In a half-asleep haze, you watched as he slipped into the bathroom on the opposite side of the hall from the bedroom with a set of night clothes. In just a few minutes he was back, laying down next to you with a fresh set of clothing and the worst of his scrapes patched up. You pulled him closer, resting his head on your chest so you could watch him and so his weight could settle the last of your nerves.

“Love you, Kei.”

“Love you too, (Y/n).”

[forthechubbies]

The Lost Korean Soldier Vol.1

Synopsis• A woman stumbles upon an unconscious man in a park and her life jumps from ordinary to extraordinary!

Genres• Romcom, Romance, NSFW, Jungkook is a pervert and a chubby chaser so watch out for that, Noncon touching, Violence, Jungkook is a little degrading.

Duos• Soldier! Jungkook x Chubby! Reader

The purple writing is Korean

♡ The TagTeam ♡ @lolalee24 @mwitsmejk

Why do I always have to get the coffee? Why not Ji Sung?! The guy takes two steps, and He's there and back with time to spare! They send the chubbiest and slowest person to do a coffee run. Fine! You know what!? I'm gonna take my sweet dandy time.

They'll be lucky their coffee hasn't frozen over by the time I get back. As a matter of fact, it's a beautiful day to take a stroll in the park...

Mid-mornings on weekdays is genuinely something to be treasured. So often, people are at work, and the children are in school; there's gotta be somewhere in the shade to sit. Perfect! A hidden bench shaded by a tall red oak tree with a great view of the lake. Seems like an excellent spot for procrastinating.

"Ah." The bench is a bit dusty, and it's wooden; unlike the other one in the park, the grass is untamed, there's a possibility they don't expect people to come this far. But, I don't understand why not, beautiful flowers, the peaceful sound of the lake passing by, a soulless foot sticking out from behind the beautiful mystic red oak tree....soulless foot? Oh my god! A foot!

My heart was in my throat as I crept my way around the tree. The grass crunch underneath my heels, my eyes trailed up the foot to its calve.

Is he-he dead? God, my hands won’t stop shaking.

I clambered to the body, hovering the crook of my index inches from his nostrils. Everything finally stopped spinning. He's alive, Was he robbed blind, beaten, and left for dead? They even took his clothes.

"Hello, I need an ambulance! I found a man unconscious in the park...yes, I checked. He's breathing fine but he's badly beaten...Ok, I will stay put. Thank you." I wanted to turn him over to see if there's any visible damage on his chest or abdomen but I don’t think I should out of respect for his modesty.

I might have an enough time to buy a blanket for the store across the way before the paramedics arrive.

Huff...Huff Huff! I haven’t run in years! Ugh! I’m getting horrible flashbacks for my middle school days….Good, they haven’t arrived yet, but I can hear the sirens, so I’m just in the nick of time.

I draped the blanket over him before turning his face up. “How Handsome.” Even with a gash across his cheek, his doll-like features stick out like a sore thumb, long, pretty eyelashes, cute beauty marks hidden on his face-

“Mmm.” He groaned, fluttering his lashes teasing me as if he would open them just fell back to sleep.

When the paramedics took him into their care, I thought that was the end of the line between the two of us, never to cross pathways ever again. However, I should invest in a stronger eye prescription because I failed to see the red string attached to my pinky.

Returning to the office empty-handed wasn't as bad as I imagined; apparently, a gang of psychos snatching up people of minority, taking them to god knows where. So thankful my co-workers were more worried about my well-being than their coffee.

Burring...Burring...Burring

"Hello, This is-"

"I'm sorry for interrupting you, but is this a Ms. Y/N Valentine?"

"Yes."

"This is a nurse from John Hopkins regarding your spouse's status as of right now; he's not suffering from any critical damage."

Well, that's good to hear, but I didn't remember giving any of the E.M.S my contact information, so how did they know to call me...Wait, Spouse?!

"Yet, Having him, our care is limited due to us lacking any information about him, including healthcare providers." She sighed. " I know it's a terrible policy, but if we can't receive any healthcare data, we have to discharge him even if his condition takes a turn for the worse."

Did she just sniffle? “No-No tears, It's alright. I'm headed down there as we speak. I will see you when I get there...ok?”

“Oh-Oh, ok,” I could actively see her wiping her tears and smiling at my voice. She must be a young nurse.

I sighed, getting up from my desk. “Ji-Sung, I'm leaving first.”

“Are you okay?… It’s not often you leave first.” Ji-Sung cocked his brow. “ Do you need company-“

“Don’t worry, I’m alright. I will see everything tomorrow.” I paid my respects, calming as possible, walking out the building, then be once out of sight, I bolted down the sidewalk like a bat of hell. The last thing I want is for that little nurse to have a panic attack.

“Hello, Oh, Are you Mrs. Valentine?” The nurse had sparkles in her eyes when she catches a glimpse of me. “ Follow me; your husband is in room 713.”

Again with this “He’s not my-” why does she walk so fast!?

Let the record show I hate hospitals...There’s a long story behind the wrong way, but to sum it up, I find this place a hundred percent creep city-I’m getting goosebumps just thinking about it-

“Well, Well, Well. Look who's in the hospital?” Lucy Silvers, My best friend since We were in diapers, became a successful doctor, and well, I became an accountant; back then, We would dream about going to the moon and being the first humans to make a peace treaty with the Martians, but now we pray to have a typical day. “ What brings you down to this side of town?”

I pointed to the man in the bed.

......?!

Beep...Beep...Beep

"So you're telling me you found him this way?"

"Yes."

"No ID, no wallet-"

"He was the buff when I found him-Oh I'm sorry I get to the chance to look for clues; I thought his life was too meaningful."

"Jeez, I just asking."

“Well, You want the bad news first or the bad news.”

My, what a wild variety. Taking my slight irritable silence for a response, Lucy continued.

“With Identification as far we are concerned, his man’s name is John Doe...at this, until he wakes up and another bad news somebody might have wanted this man dead, the destruction to his body is gruesome, this man wasn't just badly beaten he was tortured; Several fractured ribs, multiple stab wounds, cigarettes burns..you name it...Who knows when he will wake up?”

Lucy smiled. “ Thank his lucky stars, someone like you came along, or else his condition would have worsened...You’ve been holding that bag for a while now; what's up with it.”

“Oh, I stopped by Walmart and bought him some clothes-I hope he can fit him.” I bought a small in everything-I felt it was a safer choice to get sweatpants than jeans since I don't know his actual size and a sweatshirt to match. Along with some slippers.

“Remember in Kindergarten, When I asked you to marry me?” Why would she suddenly bring up at? " I still do."

I playfully rolled me eyes.

“Aish!” The stranger screamed out of the blue, sitting up from his dormant state, scaring the daylights out of Lucy and I. He frantically observe the hospital room until his big doe eyes fall on me. “A woman?!”

“He’s speaking a different language.” Lucy raised an brow. “It sounds South Korean from the dialect.”

“Do you know Korean?” I tried to calm him down by slowing walking over to the bed. “It’s okay, Sir, You were hurt pretty bad so I bring you to the hospital but right now you need to lay down and-“

He cut me off by gripping my wrist and bringing it up to his face. “ You’re not married?! A plump little peach like you.”

I don’t have a clue what he’s saying but by the way he’s staring he looks like a love sick puppy.

“I think he likes you.” Lucy giggled, finding this hilarious. “Unfortunately, The only who speaks Korean is on Vacation, Mr. Yoo.”

I snatched my hand out his grip to face Lucy. “You only have one multilingual person in this facility?!”

Lucy shrugged. “It’s HR’s doing, I don’t hire people.”

Unbelievable-wait..Ji-Sung is Korean! It’s 11:45am, He would be at lunch right now. I hope he doesn’t mind me bothering him.

I was about to walk out before the stranger yanked my arm and held me into his arms. I struggled putting my hands against his chest.

“ Where are you going? It’s dangerous going out without a man by your side. I’ll keep you safe, Peachy” He rested his head on my chest and rubbed his hands around my chubby waist. “I love the way you fit in my hands.”

Slap!

“Y/N, Take it easy, He’s literally still in the hospital.” Lucy scolded.

The stranger’s cheek glowed crimson, his jaw clenched and pressed tongue against the inner of his cheek.

“What!? And let him touch me any kind of way…I’m going to get someone who can understand him. I will be right back!”

He chuckled and watched your hips as you left. “Fuck, She’s cute.”

[soccerximagines]

Hey ☺️ Can I request a Kylian one where he played badly at euros because he just found out you are pregnant at young and was just stressed but at the end its just fluff? Thank you ❤️

Pregnancy news

You hadn't even meant for Kylian to know about the pregnancy before after the Euros, when he would have come back home to France so you could tell him in person. However, during one of your many daily video chats, it just slipped out. And during the worst possible time as well.

It was minutes before the crucial match between France and Switzerland, and Kylian had called you like he always did before his games. According to him it made him play better when he talks to you beforehand; as you were his lucky charm. In hindsight you couldn't even remember how, but you remember realizing the mistake the minute it slipped out.

"You're pregnant?"

His voice trembled slightly, and you could tell that the news came as a shock. Why wouldn't they? You were both young, and although you were living together and loved each other very much, you hadn't had the talk about babies yet. The both of you always just assumed that it wouldn't be a relevant topic for another couple of years at least.

You nodded, "I am. I took the test three days ago." Silence followed, before he spoke up with a single "Oh."

"Please, this is why I didn't want to tell you yet," you sighed, combing your fingers trough your hair.

"I didn't want to distract you during the Euros. I know it's easier said than done, but please try to forget I even said anything, okay? Just focus on playing your best."

He opened his mouth as if to respond, but was interrupted by some of his teammates calling for him.

"I gotta go now," Kylian gave you a tight lipped smile.

You tried to smile at the camera, blowing him a little kiss. "I love you."

It went silent for what felt like forever, and you started wondering if he would end the call without saying it back. His camera was facing upwards at the wall, so you couldn't even read his facial expression.

"Je t'aime."

And then he hung up.

When the game started you were nervously seated at the couch. Throughout the game it was clear to you that something was up with Kylian. Other people might not even have noticed, but you knew him better than anyone - and could see how clear the previous news affected him. His facial expressions, the way he ran, the way he kicked the ball; it was easy for you to see that he was stressed.

The game ended in penalties, and you were so nervous you could cry. Then it was Kylian's turn. Your grip on your water bottle was so tight that it turned your knuckles white.

When his shot got saved you felt horrible. Both because you knew how terrible he must be feeling, but also because a part of you felt as if it was your fault that they lost.

You knew deep down that a million different things could have affected the penalty - not just the pregnancy news - but you still felt as if it was your fault. If you hadn't told him about the baby right before the game, he might have been more focused.

The only good thing about France losing the game and being knocked out of the championship was that Kylian came home earlier. Although you were happy to see him again, you were also nervous. Ever since you broke the news he had ignored your calls, only responding through short texts and completely ignoring the pregnancy.

You didn't blame him though. Losing the game, his penalty getting saved, being the scapegoat online - it must be taking a massive toll on him. All you wanted to do was to comfort him and reassure him that you were proud of him no matter what. And that's exactly what you did.

The second he entered your shared home you rushed over to greet him, pulling him into your arms. "I'm so sorry, mon bébé..." you whispered, rubbing his back as he leant into your embrace and cried quietly.

A couple of minutes passed before you spoke up again. "Are you mad at me?" It might not be the best timing, but you had to ask.

"Mad at you?" Kylian seemed confused, his brows furrowed cutely. "Why would I be mad at you?"

"Because I told you about the pregnancy right before the game, I shouldn't have done that, Ky."

Kylian then did something that confused you about even more. He let out a small laugh before grabbing your hands, rubbing his thumbs over them.

"Y/N, I was afraid you were mad at me! You told me you were pregnant and I basically just hung up on you," he shook his head as he spoke, annoyed at himself.

"You must have been so scared, finding out all alone." Suddenly it was Kylian's turn holding you in his arms. Finally, after days of trying to stay strong, you felt as if you finally could let it all out.

"I just don't know what to do, Ky.. We're so young and it's not really a good time to have a baby.. But part of me really wants our child as well. I wish someone would just tell me what to do!"

"I know," he shushed you comfortingly while stroking your back. "but we still have time, mon amour," he said and kissed your temple.

"I'll be by your side through it all, no matter what you choose."

[starfinss]

Wingman — Akaashi Keiji

Fandom: Haikyuu!!

Summary: Bokuto heard you like Akaashi and decides to be your wingman. It goes about as well as it sounds.

Pairing: Akaashi Keiji x Reader

Rating: Fluff, humor (SFW)

Word Count: 1,779

“Do you like Akaashi?”

You choked on your rice at Bokuto’s sudden question, sending you into a violent coughing fit as you pounded on your chest in an attempt to clear your throat.

“I’m sorry, what?!” You said once you could speak, taking a large swallow of water from your bottle.

Bokuto looked blankly at you, owlishly, which was sort of his default expression. “I asked if you liked Akaashi.”

You sent a glance to Yukie, who seemed to be trying her best to look innocent.

“Who,” you said pointedly, and you watched Yukie’s facade break, just a smidge, “told you something like that?”

Bokuto inclined his head in said girl’s direction. “Her.”

You sighed, running a hand through your hair. “Yukie, I told you not to tell anyone. And you told him of all people?”

A pause, then offense flashed across Bokuto’s face. “Hey!”

Yukie made a pained noise. “I’m sorry! It kind of just… slipped out. We were talking about how Akaashi never seems to date anyone, and I remembered what you told me and I just… I couldn’t stop talking!”

“No offense, Yukie, but Bokuto isn’t the best at keeping secrets.”

“Hey hey, I can keep secrets!”

You pressed your lips into a thin line, hands flattened against your temples.

“Okay, prove it by keeping this one. I haven’t told Akaashi because I’ve never seen him ever show me any sign that he feels the same.”

Bokuto took a large bite of his sandwich. “Just tell ‘im anyway. What’s the worst that could happen?”

You sighed. “Don’t talk with your mouth full, it’s disgusting. And I dunno, he could reject me?”

Bokuto swallowed loudly, a splitting grin growing on his face.

“Well, what about this, (L/N). How about I be your wingman? Ey?”

Your mind flooded with all the ways that idea could go wrong, and the bad outweighed the good.

“No. No, Bokuto—“

“Come on, (L/N), let me help! I know Akaashi better than anyone, we’re best friends! I wanna do this for you, come on, let me!”

Bokuto was relentless on and off the court, and he was hard to argue with. He did know Akaashi the best, you’d give him that, even while you were friends with the quiet setter as well. Being team manager with Yukie really did have its perks.

And Akaashi really was too pretty for his own good.

You could benefit from Bokuto’s help, even if something would undoubtedly go terribly wrong in the process.

“Fine,” you relented, resulting in loud cheers, the sounds drawing the attention of the people eating lunch around you.

You exchanged a weary look with Yukie.

“I hate you,” you said, and she smiled.

“I know.”

Your eyes flicked back to Bokuto, who was bouncing in his seat.

“I have a plan.”

You put another bite of rice in your mouth. If this was going to be as insane as you thought it was going to be, you’d need a full stomach.

“Tell me.”

————————

Bokuto’s plan was horrible.

The first one he gave you involved you just walking up and kissing Akaashi, but your use of some choice language in response to that made Bokuto change tactics.

“Go into a closet—“

“No.”

“I could lock—“

“Bo!”

He groaned. “Let me talk!”

“Then stop giving me plans that could result in me being utterly humiliated!”

“Fine! Then try this. Just get him alone after practice and ask him to walk you home.”

You frowned. “We do that every day anyway. We live two houses apart.”

“Toss him some sets!”

Yukie made a frustrated noise. “I’m going to lock you in the club room.”

You gave her a fearful look. “Me?”

“No. Bokuto. But maybe you if we can’t come up with something.”

You closed your now empty lunch box. “So you’re in on this too, now?”

She grinned. “I’ve always been in on this.”

Anger simmered in the pit of your stomach. “Did you tell him on purpose?”

“What?” Yukie said, then paled. “No. That really was an accident. All I’m saying is I support you.”

“Well,” you sighed, “that’s something, I guess.”

“Lock you in the club room!” Bokuto cried, and the expression on his face coupled with the triumphant tone in his voice made it seem very much like he’d struck gold.

You paused. “What?”

“I was joking, Bo,” said Yukie.

“No, but it could work!”

It could. But you were pretty sure Akaashi had a key, so it would be kind of useless to put him in a situation he could easily get out of. And, to further this, you also had a key. Bokuto pouted when you relayed this to him.

“Come on, (L/N), let me be your wingman!”

You rolled your eyes. “Isn’t that what I’m doing? All you’re giving me is stuff like ‘lock yourself in a closet.’”

“It could work!”

The bell rang, signaling the end of the lunch period, and you stood up, stretching your arms above your head.

“I’ll see you guys at practice,” you said, “text me if you get any new ideas.”

————————

Practice was somewhat of a nightmare. Of course, it went as well as it usually did, the gym full of Bokuto’s victorious shouts and Akaashi and the other club member’s sarcastic quips. But that wasn’t the problem. Every time something needed to be fetched or the water needed to be refilled, either Yukie or Bokuto, usually with matching grins, suggested you go with Akaashi. Akaashi, of course, shut this down fairly quickly since he had no need to assist you with such menial tasks.

But Bokuto didn’t stop there, no. It was too much to hope a hurricane would stop in its path.

Because during a break, Akaashi approached you.

“Is there any reason why Bokuto is constantly asking me to compliment you?”  He said as he dried his face with a towel.

You furrowed your eyebrows, dread sinking into the pit of your stomach. “He’s doing what?!”

“Asking me to-“

“No, I heard you. I just can’t believe he’s doing that.”

Akaashi blinked, oblivious to the situation. “Is there a problem, (L/N)?”

You sighed. “Yeah. No, I don’t know. This is a mess.”

From what Akaashi told you, Bokuto had started showering you with random compliments, then asked Akaashi if he agreed.

“I just want to know why he’s doing that. Do you think he has a crush on you?”

You shook your head. “No. This is… It’s something else. I don’t really want to talk about it, sorry Akaashi.”

He looked worried all of a sudden. “Is there something wrong?”

Your eyes went wide. “No! I’m fine, really. I just— I can’t talk about it.”

“Why?” Bokuto said, strolling over, and you deflated, “do you not trust him?”

“Bo,” you warned, speaking between gritted teeth, “not. Now.”

“Isn’t this what winging is?”

Akaashi looked deeply confused. “Winging? What is that supposed to mean? Did you make up a word for spiking?”

Bokuto seemed affronted. “No! I’m her… Her man wing—“

“It’s called wingman, Bo,” you muttered.

He was going to give you away.

“Tell him, (L/N), he thinks you’re pretty, smart-“

Akaashi blinked. “You asked me what I thought about that, Bokuto.”

Bokuto faked shock. “So you don’t really think those things?”

“I never said I didn’t.”

Bokuto gave a squawk you could only assume was a cry of victory. “See? See, (L/N) Akaashi thinks you’re pretty! You gotta tell him, tell him now!”

You looked at Bokuto with pure murder in your eyes, and he seemed to falter.

“Tell me what?!”

“Akaashi!” You cried, “talk to me outside, would you?”

You looked sharply at Bokuto.

You buried your head in your hands once you were outside. “ I might as well just come out and say it, because we both know Bokuto isn’t about to quit. That massive meathead is trying to be my wingman because he found out I like you today.”

You sent Yukie a murderous look as she passed the open door, raising your voice a bit as you spoke. “Because someone told him.”

She looked sheepish.

You closed the door, only breaking eye contact with her when you couldn’t keep in anymore due to the new barrier between you.

“Well, that’s fine,” Akaashi said, “I like you, too.”

You worried your lip between your teeth. “I understand if— Wait what?”

Akaashi looked at you blankly. “I like you too, (L/N).”

You were at a loss for words. “You never gave me any signs that you liked me too.”

Akaashi leaned against the door. “I walk you home every night.”

You frowned. “We’re literally neighbors.”

“That’s beside the point. Why do you think I bring you breakfast to eat while we walk to school?”

You blushed. “I thought you were being nice.”

“No,” Akaashi stepped forward, letting his hands fall to your shoulders, “no, (L/N). I like you. You’re an incredible person, and I thought I was making myself clear with my advances.”

Well, you decided, you were a dumbass.

“Wanna… Go get something to eat sometime?” You asked, voice quiet, and Akaashi nodded.

“I thought you’d never ask.”

He kissed you, and you swear you forgot how to breathe, that you forgot your own name. You sighed softly, reaching up to thread your fingers into his hair. Akaashi was an intense young man, and kissing him, even if it was simple and innocent, was just as intense. You felt him wrap his arms around your waist with a heartbreaking tenderness, nose brushing yours as his lips pressed and ghosted against your own.

It was cold outside, but you didn’t care, not when his lips were so soft and gentle.

The door opened abruptly and you heard a shout that could only have belonged to Bokuto. You felt Akaashi smile against your mouth before he pulled back.

“I am the best wingman!” He cried, “Hey, hey, hey!”

You laughed. It felt good to laugh, especially when Akaashi was still holding you so close.

“You are, Bo,” you confirmed, resulting in more cheering.

“Akaashi got a girlfriend!” He shouted as he ran inside, and you couldn’t help but smile.

“Is that what you want to be?” Akaashi asked, and you nodded.

“Yes.” You were unable to hide your grin.

“Then it’s official.” Akaashi kissed your nose, then stepped back.

“I will hold your hand when we walk home.”

You blushed at his bluntness. “I’ll hold you to that.”

“Nice pun!” You heard Yukie shout, and you groaned.

“I hate both of you!”

You didn’t. But the smile that ghosted Akaashi’s lips as you said the words was worth it.

So was the burning kiss he gave you after practice, and the feeling of his hand in yours as you walked home.

Maybe having Bokuto’s help, as disastrous as it had been, wasn’t so bad after all.

[moonybadger]

It’s been a couple months since I finished rereading Outcast of Redwall and I still don’t know what the fuck BJ was going for with the Veil sections of that book. Like the narrative goes out of its way to say that it’s not the Redwaller’s fault for how Veil grew up and they showed him the same love and care they’d show any baby, he is just too inherently evil??? Weirdly, it doesn’t even seem to be making the point that it’s because he’s a ferret, like I think Bella is the only who dances around bringing it up. Most everyone else is like “well ferretbabe or not, that one’s got a taste for blood” after he bites his sixth person or whatever as a baby.

And honestly all the chapters from his POV are borderline unbearable to slog through, like he’s such an unpleasant mean-spirited person. While Swartt does technically more fucked up things (murdering various rivals, forcing one of his soldiers to force feed a entire dead crow to a fellow solider, his treatment of Sunflash, etc) Veil’s just feel more... personal and nasty? Especially when he nearly kills that grandfather dormouse who JUST finished telling him that his son and daughter-in-law were killed recently and that he’s looking after his grandchildren and offers to share what little food and shelter they have with Veil. Like Veil almost immediately just attempts to crack the guy’s skull open and he would have died if Bryony hadn’t found him. And the way he just beats those two foxes to death and sends their corpses down the river. Bryony’s relationship with him is just straight up abusive too, like I know he ultimately dies saving her at the end of the book but he had already attempted to murder her like... I think twice? And shown absolutely no remorse for it, like it’s just luck and tenacity on Bryony’s part that she and her mole friend survived at all.

It drives me nuts, cause MOST of the book is about Sunflash and Swartt! Like why is Veil even here??? Why is the book named after him, he isn’t even born until like halfway through the story! He barely interacts with Sunflash and Swartt, who I don’t think even remembered he had a son until Veil shows up in the last 30 pages of the book to call him a bitch. He doesn’t act as a narrative foil or have any kind of relationship with either of the two real main characters; like if you took him out of the book, thematically nothing would change. If you really wanna stretch it, I guess you could say that Sunflash came from a really terrible upbringing and turned out fine while Veil came from really kind, loving upbringing and he was evil as fuck? But that’s something you have to infer yourself, it’s not something the book is actively trying to say. You can headcanon that Bryony was just too young to act as a mother figure to him or that the Redwallers were cruel to him, but that’s really not present in the material at all. He’s just evil and horrible and it was ultimately a good thing that he died? That ends up being the point of his character I guess, to die and make Bryony a more emotionally intelligent person I guess.

I just don’t get it, it all ends up just feeling like a plot cul-de-sac that doesn’t go anywhere for anyone and doesn’t actually tie into the main conflict between Swartt and Sunflash beyond getting Bryony into place to help Sunflash out one time at the very end.

I’m also pissed because the Sunflash and Skarlath segments are genuinely some of the best in the entire Redwall series and I gotta suffer through Veil being a little bitch to get to all of them.

[differentkettleoffishalltogether]

I’m On Fire [Chapter 1]

Summary: With her sister’s wedding fast approaching and her Mom hounding her about finding a date, Y/N makes a terrible decision that lands her and her least favorite genius in a confusing situation.

A/N:  This is the first part in a series, I’ve written the first few chapters already so I’m hoping to update pretty regularly! I hope you guys enjoy, and any feedback is always appreciated! ❤️

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem Reader

Category: Fake Dating, Enemies to Lovers, (Eventual) Smut, Fluff, Angst, it’s a Slow Burn Baby

Warnings: None really for this chapter, cursing? Mean-ish Spencer

Word Count: 6.5k

Next Chapter

Series Masterlist

Masterlist 

I wasn’t at the BAU long before it started to feel like home. The team became my family, pure and simple.

Having been recruited by Hotch at only 22 I'd sort of fallen into the roll of the little sister to the team without really meaning to. It's not that I was naive, or particularly sheltered even. I know I'm good at my job, and I'd want to be, given how my life's revolved around it almost entirely. But the team seemed to adopt a protective mindset over me right off the bat.

When I first joined the FBI everything was terrifying. I worked so hard for my PhD, trying to get into the unit, but there's almost nothing that can actually prepare you for the real thing. Being out in action in the field, working the cases out in real time. Sometimes they had a smooth, easy conclusion followed by loud obnoxious drinks together. Then there were the others, the ones that kept me up for days after and felt as though they owned little pieces of my heart still.

It was JJ that helped the most on those horrible flights back on the jet. Noticing my anxious ticks and uneasy disposition after that first case that had ended badly. JJ had been through it all before, taking too many cases home with her. Seeing her son's little faces in the kids that we couldn't help. If I was the baby of the team JJ was the big sister, looking out for everyone.

Morgan on the other hand was the outrageously cool older brother, the one you just wanted to be. Early on he'd helped my weak self with the ruthless fitness regimen the FBI required, he offered to pull some strings and get the test written off. But I couldn't accept that, there was something in me that just wanted to impress Morgan, and honestly still does. Like somehow if he thought you were cool, then it became true. So I passed the exam, but getting up a flight of stairs was near impossible for a week after.

Emily was probably the fun aunt. The one that would sneak you booze at the family gathering, or take you to your first concert. Emily was actually the one who'd found me, digging around colleges for potential recruits she'd had me picked out for a while I later found out. Insisting that Hotch give me a shot. It was reassuring to know I had someone who would stick up for me from day one.

I was an tech analyst, among other things, sort of a counterpart for Garcia in the field. So it was no surprise to anyone when the two of us hit it off as though we'd known each other forever. We weren't the same by any means though. Penelope was bold, and bright, and confident beyond measure, where I've typically felt like more of a blend into the background type. I've always thought of myself that way, despite my achievements. I'd also always believed I was fairly inoffensive, no one I'd met had ever had a huge problem with me, 'till I got to the BAU that is.

Every rose has its thorn I suppose.

That thorn in my side was Dr. Spencer Reid.

It wasn't that Dr. Reid was a bad agent, or even a bad person. I hadn't actually met him before that first day in the conference room, but I'd known who he was for a long time. Before I came along he'd held the mantle of 'youngest ever recruit' in the unit, while I was studying I'd read any of his work I could get my hands on because of that fact.

I figured it must've been some sort of hazing when he looked me up and down that first day I was introduced, and then proceeded to blank me entirely for a full week. Up until I'd wrapped my first case.

The whole team went straight from the jet to the bar. Proceeding to get far too drunk. Spencer joined, which the rest of the team found unusual, and I probably should've taken as a sign of things to come.

That case went well, and everyone was in high spirits but Reid had a sour disposition, at least it seemed that way every time he looked at me. After a few too many drinks I went outside in an attempt to sober up in the cold air, unfortunately Reid must've snuck outside not long before.

"Ugh" was all he said when he first caught my silhouette approaching him. The night was unusually cold so it had been deserted outside the bar that evening. I wasn't really sure why it made me nervous to be alone with him like this, the two of us leaning back against the same small area of brick wall, looking out at the cold night.

"Nice to see you too doctor" was all I could muster, I was drunk enough that I let my sarcastic tone leap out, "you can relax, I'm just trying to get some fresh air, it's too stuffy in there, and loud. I'm not here to talk to you or anything."

"Well aren't you a sensitive thing" he responds in kind, at that point I wasn't really sure if it was a coincidence or if he'd been genuinely avoiding me, but things were starting to clear up.

"I'm sensitive, that's a fun take on things" I joke, taking a long sip of cold water from my glass.

"And what's that supposed to mean, newbie?" his emphasis on the last word all but confirms my suspicions.

"Fuck man, what's your problem with me? Is it because I'm new, or because I beat your stupid record?" I quip. hoping that at the very least it might coax him out of his shell. Dr. Spencer Reid getting angry at me could honestly be better than the nothing I'd been experiencing from him until now.

"What stupid record?" he sounds genuinely confused

"I'm the youngest BAU recruit now?" I didn't know why else he could be so sour. He'd never met me before last week, and since he'd ignored me that first day I'd done all I could not to step on his toes. So if he had a reason to hate me this much, it wasn't something I'd done on purpose.

He takes a few moments to respond, raising his eyebrows and considering the information. He chuckles. He fucking chuckles.

"That's funny." he says, his voice leveling out, "I didn't peg you as funny newbie" that word sets something off in me again. Something about it is dismissive, or belittling. Before I could fight back he starts to move, maneuvering around me and heading back inside. A little too tipsy to think of anything constructive to say, I just mutter "Fuck you Spencer."

He swings open the door, as he walks inside he just says "See you Monday, Newbie" without even looking at me.

And that was only the beginning.

----

"You know I'm just trying to make sure you get enough rest sweetheart. There's no need to get so defensive!" it was far too early in the morning to be dealing with this call. Since joining the BAU a few years ago this was a standard call from my Mom. Equal parts well meaning and over-bearing, and generally asking far too many questions.

"I'm not getting defensive Mom, I get plenty of rest, my job is just very important to me and you know that." I knew she was right to be at least a little worried, this job was consuming, and in all honesty I wasn't sure how people like JJ were married and still here. It seemed like an impossible feat.

"Fine sweetie, how are your co-workers doing then? How's Penelope? Give her my love" she loved Penelope, I think she thought that Penelope tethered me to the normal world, and in a way she was right. She kept me sane, and fun, and made me eat pizza and do face masks once a week at least. Even when I didn't think I wanted to.

"Pen's great Mom, everyone's good. Well, the usual ones get on my nerves, but I'm fine." As I say it I glance across at Dr. Reid, the only person who's also in as early as I am most days. I'm not sure if he can hear me but he's tapping his pen so loud on his desk that it takes all of my energy not to walk across the bullpen and stab him with it.

"Y'know what Mom, I'm actually just after getting to work and it's a busy day so can I call you back later?" I chance, getting her off the phone is always an ordeal.

"Fine, fine, I'll let you go. But wait one last thing!"

I knew what was coming. It was always coming.

"Are you seeing anyone, Margot's been wondering too, just thought I'd check in?"

Pinching the bridge of my nose and trying not to scream down the line, I just sigh out the frustration instead.

"No Mom, believe it or not, I've made no progress on that front since you asked me all of 3 days ago."

"See you are being defensive!" she snaps

"I gotta go, bye Mom. Love you!" I say, hanging up quickly before dropping my head down into my arms on my desk, resting like that for a few moments in silence.

Hearing Garica chuckle behind my ear I perk up and spin around. She's holding a small paper cup of coffee and hands it to me. I look at it confused, "Sorry about the paper, I couldn't find your mug in the cabinet" she apologizes, looking over at Dr. Reid and rolling her eyes. Now I know he can hear me from his seat, he takes that moment to sip from my mug and place it gently back on his desk.

It hadn't taken long for him to start toying with me. It was always stupid childish things. Things I couldn't get genuinely annoyed at, that would give him far too much satisfaction, knowing he was getting to me in any real way. This was one trick he liked to play if he got into the office before me, he'd take my mug and make his coffee in it, just to spite me I guess.

"Why does he even do that, it's so stale" she said, just a little louder than normal to make sure he could hear. Garcia and Reid were still good friends and team-mates but she liked to stand up for me when she could. He liked to avoid me as much as possible so he'd usually go to Garcia before me if he needed help with something. Even when the two of us were out in the field together. Which was obnoxious but it was just another thing I'd gotten used to over time. And as long as it didn’t interfere with the case I just forced myself to let it go.

"I know it's such low grade bullying isn't it?" I shot back with a chuckle.

"So I'll take it that was Mommy dearest" Penelope gestures to my phone. She knew my Mom, and she knew about her general overbearing energy. I let out a groan thinking about the call again, and the calls that were to come.

"Isn't it always Mommy dearest?" I joke

"So she's still on your ass about the wedding then?" I'm sure Penelope was almost as sick of hearing about it as I was,

"Margot's getting married in like 4 months now, and every time Mom calls there’s just some new hometown loser she wants to set me up with Pen. It's fucking exhausting" I take a sip of the coffee she made me, savoring the bitter taste. She sits down on my desk for a moment, leaning in.

"Honey, did you ever think that if you got out there and found someone, she wouldn't be on your ass at all?" I don't want to think about that, about how she's completely right. All I can do is let out another small groan and lean back down onto my desk.

"Too early Pen" I say, it's muffled by the desk but she gets the message. Hopping up and heading to her own office as some more people start to arrive for the morning.

Leaving me alone to make a start on my paperwork that had built up throughout the week. Fridays were usually slow like this, giving me a little too much time to think. I couldn't shake the thought that my Mom and Penelope were actually right. Maybe I was a bit too invested in the job, and maybe that was a pretty big factor in why my last relationship imploded but I wasn't about to admit that to anyone.

----

After that the day crawls by, thankfully no cases pop up so the weekend might actually be free. Trying to make sure I clear up all of my paperwork takes a little longer than I'd hoped and leaves me alone in the bullpen. It seems like everyone's gone home by the time I've packed up and I'm ready to leave. Which wasn't as out of the ordinary as I'd like it to be really. Everyone else seemed to have somewhere to be on a Friday night.

Waiting for the elevator to arrive my phone started to ring, I could see my Mom's caller ID on the screen. If I just let it go I know she'll call back later, may as well get it out of the way. I take a deep breath in anticipation before I answer.

"Hey what's up?" I answer, stepping inside the elevator as the doors ping open.

"Hi sweetie, I've got good news! Do you remember David? That lovely boy, he helped out your Father that summer in high school?" I know what's coming and rub my temple, trying to stifle the headache I know is coming. As I answer a hand slides between the elevator doors, popping them open again.

Dr. Fucking Reid walks in, and he looks about as happy to see me as I am to see him. I make eye contact and look away just as fast, willing him away with my mind. "Yes Mom, I remember him, why are you telling me this?" I already know the answer but I'm fed up, she still sounds excited when she responds.

"Well you won't believe it! I ran into him at the market this morning and I thought you'd like it if I passed on your phone number to him, maybe for the weddi-" it took all I had not to shout into the receiver, and maybe I would've had the elevator been empty.

"Mom! Jesus!" I have to reign myself in, but I have a bad idea, "You know what, I'm actually sorted. I've got a date lined up now" I'm not sure why I said it with no real plan in place. She sounds even more excited than I've ever heard her.

"Oh my, that's amazing sweetie! That was fast, I can't believe you found one since this morning, it's someone from work so?" she assumes, and I'm just not thinking fast enough to correct her.

"Mmhmm, yeah" I'll figure out the logistics later I rationalize.

"Oh! Is it that boy you're always on about, the one who teases you?" she asks, and her voice is full of joy, and it makes me feel horrible that I'm lying already, and that I'm going to let her down.

"Yup, that's the one, look Mom I gotta go, I'll talk to you later! Night" I blurt out so fast it has to be obvious I'm nervous.

I can hear a stifled chuckle behind me. Fuck. How loud is my phone speaker. Could he hear that. Surely not. But this elevator was completely silent. The doors open and I have to stop myself from running to my car at top speed. Instead I walk out just a little faster than normal, turning around to shoot him a small wave goodbye. And he's got this devious smirk on his face that makes my stomach turn.

Sitting into my car I pull out my phone to text Garcia immediately.

I'm on my way to yours right now. It's urgent.

——

Traffic's light so it takes maybe 10 minutes before I arrive at Garcia's place. My mind's racing and my body takes me there on autopilot. Why did I say any of that, why did I even answer the damn phone. Why did I wave goodbye to Spencer, I never usually did that. Maybe that's why he had that look on his face. Maybe he was just thinking of something funny that happened earlier and it had nothing to do with me at all. That was something he'd do to mess with me for sure.

How was I going to walk this back with my Mom, she was just gonna have more questions that I couldn't answer. Fuck.

Garcia buzzed me up and her door was open for me by the time I got up the stairs. This little purple apartment had become my second home. It was where I spent most of my evenings off, laughing on the same sofa I was collapsing face first into right now. Garcia nestles in beside me and runs her hand over my hair, "Hey sweet pea, what's happening? I don't want to sound too concerned but you're not giving me much to go off? Are you dying, is there drama? You're going to have to tell me what's so urgent before I burst a blood vessel?"

I let out a muffled, "is drahmuh" into the pillow, Garcia shakes my shoulders.

"Sit up babe, damn!" I have to heave myself out of the pillows, sitting upright on the sofa beside her, clutching one of the pillows in my arms.

"It's drama" I repeat,

"Well, out with it then, you know I'll take all the drama I can get! Spill, spill" she rushes me along. I'm already apprehensive, Reid's her coworker too, but if anyone would understand why this was such an issue it was gonna be her.

"Okay, I'm after doing something stupid and I think I really need your advice" I cringe already, thinking back to the elevator, throwing out my words faster, I continue the story, mostly trying to get it over with, "my Mom called again when I was on the way out tonight and she was trying to set me up with this guy, and Reid was there, and I got all flustered, and I told her I had a date already" I throw my head down into the pillow again.

"Wait why was Reid there?" she looks like she's trying to fit puzzle pieces together and she's getting nowhere, "And what's the drama?"

"Shit Garcia, it was in the elevator and it was all quiet, and maybe he heard the call, maybe he didn't but he had this fuckin' look on his stupid face" I can't shake the smug little smirk, it's burned inside my eyelids. Garcia's face falls in what looks like disappointment.

"Ugh Y/N! That's nothing chill out, why does it matter if he heard your call? I know you guys are all weird but none of that is any of his business anyway!" she shoo's her hand in the air, dismissing the whole situation.

"No Garcia, it is his business now" I have to close my eyes when I say it, I can't look at her "I told my Mom that he was my date, well, I didn't say his name or anything, she assumed it was someone from work and so I just agreed, and then she suggested that it was him and then I fucking panicked Pen, I fucked up so bad. What do I do?"

I finally opened my eyes to look up at Garcia. She was sitting in pure silence, pursing her lips in what seemed like contemplation. The puzzle pieces finally slotting together. It's as though a light bulb goes off behind her eyes and she bursts out in fits of laughter. Doubling over on herself before finally taking a few breaths to calm herself down. I'm honestly not sure why she finds the whole thing so funny, she know's how needlessly annoying he's made my life, she's seen it first hand and heard me talk about it over and over again in this very apartment over pizza.

"Garcia, this is not fucking funny! This is serious!" I try to calm her down, I need advice not whatever this is.

"I'm so sorry Y/N, I love you dearly. But this isn't funny, this is hilarious. It's like you're Sandra Bullock in some mid-90's rom com. I love it" I don't love it, in fact I hate it. I nearly snap at her but pull myself back.

"Pen, come on, help me out. What do I do with this, how do I fix it?" I plead.

She stops laughing and pulls out her phone, "Okay, I'm sorry. I'm going to order us a pizza, and we're gonna sort this thing out together, sound good?" I just nod and collapse back into the sofa. I think I feel better now that I've gotten it out in the open.

----

Penelope makes us tea while we wait for the pizza, she keeps lemon & ginger in her cabinet for me, just like I keep mint for her. The warm mug and the steam calm me down. After a few minutes alone to think about it I start to figure it out a little better. I figure I can just lie to my Mom for a while, it might suck but I can pretend for a bit and then make up some excuse as to why he can't come closer to the time. Then I can just bring Garcia instead and everyone's happy. I'm about to float my plan to her there's a knock on her door. I was so caught up that I hadn't really noticed quite how starving I'd gotten. Leaping up of the sofa to grab the door.

I swing it open but it's not the pizza guy. Somehow it's the opposite of the pizza guy, my worst nightmare is on the other side of the door. He must notice my eyes blow completely wide. "Y/N!" he says, more of a statement than a question really, like he's telling himself that he's actually seeing me in the doorway. I'm not as gentle.

"What the fuck are you doing here Reid?!" I can't even disguise my anger. He seems a little flustered, like he's got absolutely no idea how to proceed.

"Um, uh, is Garcia here? I can, um, I can just come back later?" he swallows hard and shakes his head, before I can agree and tell him to get lost Penelope races to the door, pulling it wide open.

"Nope, that won't be necessary Doctor! Come on in, you're right on time sweetheart" she waves him in and he walks past me, his demeanor changing almost instantly. He's smug, like he's won whatever battle this was. And I hate it. Though he's still as confused as me despite the newfound attitude. Reid sits down on the sofa, right where I had been sitting. I bite my tongue and sit on the opposite end.

"Are you okay Garcia?" he asks with a genuine concern, "What's going on, what was the emergency?". He's not stupid, he knows she's not in danger now that he's here. But he wants answers. I don't know that I've ever seen him this confrontational with anyone, well anyone but me. The entire time I’m staring her down as she sits in the armchair opposite the two of us. My keys are in my pocket and my car's right outside. I could just jump up and make a break for it. Escape.

"You know what Doc, you won't believe it but I'm not actually the one with the emergency" she takes a beat, and I'm starting to think that I might understand why people murder other people after all these years, "Y/N has something urgent she needs to talk to you about" she's silent for another moment, and she almost looks giddy, "Actually Spencer, you might already know a little something about the matter already, now that I think about it" she smirks, and it's pure joy.

My keys are in my hand ready to bolt when the doorbell chimes again. "Oh, that'll actually be the pizza this time, if you two will excuse me" she hops up out of the armchair and races to the door, leaving the two of us alone in a horrible silence. The tension is almost too much, I want to speak but I really have no idea what to say, or how to even start saying it. But he starts.

"Y/N what's going on, I feel like I'm out of the loop here? What am I missing?" he asks, and there's something uncharacteristically genuine about the way he says it, but he can't turn to look at me as he speaks. I almost want to let my guard down and just have a conversation but I can’t force myself to do it. "Shut up Reid." is all I mutter, folding my arms across my chest.

He turns sharply on the sofa to face me. "Hey Y/N. Believe it or not I'm about as happy as you with whatever kind of Parent Trap situation Garcia's got going on here. But from what I'm picking up on you've got a problem and I'm supposed to be able to help with it. So do you want to tell me what's going on or not? I can just go?" I can see that there's an anger bubbling right below the surface, threatening to burst. I know I shouldn't but I let him stew in silence for a little too long and he jumps up off the sofa.

"Y'know what, typical" he mutters, rolling his eyes as he says it, "this is all about you." he throws his bag over his shoulders and begins to walk towards the door. Something in me just snaps.

"All about me?! Are you fucking kidding? I've been tip-toeing around you for years, ever since I joined this damn unit!" I shout as Garcia comes back into the room, pizza box and plates in her hands.

"So, who's hungry?" Garcia asks, trying to break the tension, or pretending there's no tension at all. Reid shakes his head in disbelief and rubs his temple before he speaks again, "Actually I was just gonna head out" he gestures to the door, "I'm clearly not wanted here so I'm gonna leave you guys to it." Spencer makes a move to leave but Garcia grabs the strap of his shoulder bag, yanking him back ever so slightly before he really has the chance to escape.

"You are going absolutely nowhere kid" She points back to the sofa, "get back there" she glances to me, staring with far too much intensity. "You too, sit." Her voice is more stern than I've ever heard it, even while we were on a case. I can't help but obey her command and I sit back down on the sofa in silence. Followed by Reid, clearly processing the same uneasy feeling of a serious Penelope.

She sits opposite the two of us again. "Y/N, Spencer, I love the two of you with all of my heart, albeit separately, and I would die for either one of you. But you've got to chill the hell out!" she says it like she's had it bottled up forever. The tension that releases from her as she says it looks euphoric.

She opens up the pizza box and lays it on the coffee table and takes out a slice for herself. Taking a bite she leaves the two of us in stunned silence. Once she finishes the mouthful she turns to me specifically, "Y/N you tell him, or I will." dead serious. And the feeling in my belly is like I've just fallen down an elevator shaft.

My stomach is in knots as I turn to Spencer on the sofa next to me. His face is puzzled and I think I might be able to make out pure terror in his expression. I don't know that I've ever been looked at like this before and my stomach screws up tighter. I have to take a deep breath and I can't believe I'm about to say it. "Fuck it" I have to take another breath almost immediately so I just have to force the rest out, "I don't know if you heard the call I was on while we were in the elevator earlier?" I look up to gauge his reaction and I can see his face relax, and worse than that, one corner of his mouth lifts into a sort of smile. It's a look of pure smug satisfaction and I think I might scream. I have to close my eyes because I really don't think I can look at that face as I say the next part.

"My sister is getting married in a few months and my Mom's been on my ass to find a date for the wedding and she keeps trying to set me up with these losers, so I fucking panicked, and I told her you were my date." by the time the sentence is out my eyes have screwed up so tight it feels like I have to pry them open.

He sits in silence for too long. Thinking, maybe?

"So I'm the boy who teases you then?" he grins. So he did hear. And he did laugh. He looks far too self satisfied. Now he knows he's right. He knows I've talked to my Mom about him, that he's gotten in my head. I can tell from his smile that he's savoring the moment. Mostly because I can't slap the smug smile off his face I drop my head into my hands. In an effort to disappear I guess.

"So," he says, taking a moment, "is that all you wanted to say then?" he asks, lighthearted and obnoxious, back to his usual self. I snap back to reality, shooting my head back up.

"What do you mean is that all?" I throw back genuinely shocked,

"Is that all you had to say Y/N? Can I go now? It's a long bus ride home y'know" he smirks but makes no effort to move. He can't possibly be making me do this.

"Well no, obviously!" I stutter, "I mean, are you, will you, uh?" I can't bring myself to say it out loud. He leans in on the sofa looking directly at me, refusing to break eye contact.

"Did you have something you wanted to ask me Y/N?" I just want to smack that fucking look off his face,

"Fuck you Spencer Reid" I almost whisper under my breath, but Garcia snaps me back to reality.

"Hey!" she looks at me, stern again, "Ask him." it's not a question, or a suggestion, it's a command.

"Fine okay" I scrunch my eyes up again, "Will you come to my sisters wedding with me as my fake boyfriend?" I curl up into myself as I say it, I can almost feel the bile rising up from my stomach. Like I'm having a biological reaction to the whole thing.

Reid crosses his arms and sinks back on the sofa, like he's performing the act of thinking. He's considering my offer to make me squirm.

When he finally speaks he says "Well I would Y/N, but I really fail to see what's in it for me" he's after getting cocky now.

Garcia pipes up, excited, "Oh, Oh! I know! I have an idea!" she interjects, "Spencer remember how a while ago, back after your apartment flooded you were all all worried about your antique books and prints and stuff?" he nods, "Well Y/N could digitize the collection for you as a back up? I know you're a technophobe? C'mon Y/N, you know you could do that no sweat, and it would take you a lifetime alone Spencer?" I really don't want to admit it but she's right. Even I knew Reid was adverse to any technology that wasn't vital, but it was your specialty. And maybe that was a good trade off, a job like that would be near impossible for him to pull off without help. I take a glance over at Reid and he seems to have had the same train of thought as me. He lets out an exaggerated sigh and relaxes his posture.

"Fine, I guess that's a fair trade. I'm in." he resigns and I almost can't believe it. I'm barely processing the whole conversation as he sticks his hand out to me, I'm confused for a second before I grab it and shake it firmly. Condemning myself to whatever's about to happen. And it's not the time to be thinking about it but maybe this is the first time Spencer and I have ever touched? But I shove that thought away.

Garcia's positively beaming and she's not even trying to hide it. "Now it's like you're both in a Sandra Bullock movie, oh, but you're Hugh Grant maybe?" she points to Reid.

"Don't push it" I shoot in her direction, taking a slice of pizza, now that my anxiety stomach has sort of passed.

Once the pizza's been eaten in near completely awkward silence Spencer stands up off the sofa. His unsure demeanor has returned and he looks nervous. "I actually should get going this time" he says but Garcia pipes up to protest,

"No, it's not even late!"

"It takes me a while to get back home, thank you though Pen. For... this?" he gestures to the whole living room, "Night" he waves. He's almost made it to the door before I stand up out of my seat. I'm not really sure what comes over me, maybe it's gratitude, maybe it's guilt, or maybe I'm just exhausted.

"Wait Spencer. Let me give you a ride home?" I ask and it's like it's not even me saying it .

"Thanks, but I think I can make it home just fine" he dismisses, and there’s an antagonizing tone in his voice that snaps me right back to our usual rapport.

"I'm trying to do a nice thing here, fuck! Just let me do something nice!" I snap, and he throws his arms up in surrender.

"Fine alright, if it'll make you feel better"

"Fuck you Reid" I mutter under my breath and I sort of hope that he does hear me really. If he's gonna be hostile about this I can be too. I give Garcia a hug goodbye but I'm going to scold her for this whole thing later.

----

I lead the way outside and climb into my car, Spencer hops into the passenger seat and it feels as strange as always to be alone with him. Especially because it's not an accident, and it's not in work. Maybe this was a horrible idea. He seems like he's unwilling to break the silence, so I just get it over with.

"Where the hell do you live man? I'm gonna need directions." I say, as deadpan as I can muster, which probably isn't all that intimidating.

"Sorry, yeah, so you're gonna want to turn on the ignition" he teases. I definitely wasn't intimidating enough.

"Don't push it" I say, turning to give him a cruel stare, he just reacts with a smirk, that same one from the elevator earlier.

"Oh, I'm pushing it?" he asks, feigning disbelief

"I'll kick you out of this damn car" is all I can think to say. He barely responds, he just lets out a soft chuckle. I want to ask 'what's so funny' but he speaks before I can get the words out.

"I can't believe you talk to your Mom about me" he continues to laugh. That's enough.

"You know what Reid, of course I have! I work with actual murderers on a daily basis and somehow you've been the only real source of friction in my life since I joined the BAU!" He stops giggling a little, but not entirely, he looks like he's making an effort to contain himself.

"I'm sorry. I guess I just never knew I got to you like that" he still finds the whole thing amusing, but I sure as hell don't.

"Directions, now" I demand, looking straight out the front windshield.

"Fine, keep going straight on this road for a while and I'll tell you when to turn" he says, finally playing nice.

The two of us drive silently for most of the journey, the radio playing softly in the background. Eventually we arrive outside his building, and it's nicer than I thought it would be. But I have no idea what I was really basing that on. For some reason it hadn't occurred to me that Dr. Reid lived in an actual home, I had pictured him sleeping upside down in a cave maybe, or in a cryogenic chamber with all the other life-like genius robots.

"So," he says, breaking the silence, "When is this wedding?"

"4 months from now, in and around" I respond, matter of factly. Spencer nods, taking it in.

"Alright, so I've got 4 months, in and around, to learn enough to convincingly pass as your loving boyfriend. Doesn't sound so difficult." he jokes, his tone harsh and sarcastic.

"Look Spencer, I know this is insane and honestly kind of stupid. But in all seriousness, you can back out right now if you're not on board with whatever this is. I'm telling you this is the last exit ramp." I try to say it with sincerity, giving him a genuine out if he's not comfortable with the weird set-up that Penelope pulled on us both. He thinks on it for a moment and shakes his head.

"So how are we gonna do this?" he asks, and I really thought he was going to back out. So I don't have an actual answer.

"Well, I uh, I haven't really given a plan much thought. How about I come over and start working on some of the stuff you want digitized like Garcia mentioned and I can use the time to give you the footnotes on my life?" I suggest, at least that would make it easier to knock things out all at once. Rather than having to spend even more of my free time with Reid than necessary. He looks content with the improvised plan.

"Alright, sounds good." he undoes his seatbelt and opens the door to hop out of the car before turning back to me, "Are you coming inside or what?"

— —

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Masterlist

[tulsa-trash]

Night of the Rumble

WARNING(S): Swearing, mentions of violence.

Its been four hours, four excruciating hours you waited for him to call you. He attended a rumble tonight, and he promised he’d call you after to let you know he was okay. So far there has been no phone call and your anxiety was eating you alive.

A part of you wanted to go and watch just so you could know if he was okay; but then you knew you wouldn’t be able to watch him get hurt. Plus he wouldn’t let you go anyway, he didn't want you to get hurt. You laid in your bed and stared at your ceiling, there was no way you could sleep. You looked over at your alarm clock and sighed deeply when you realized it was now two-thirty in the morning.

Your mind was racing with thoughts. Is he okay? Where is he? Why hasn’t he called me yet? You were losing your mind and on on the edge of flipping out. You ran your hands over your face roughly and groaned in frustration, you couldn’t take it anymore. The suspense was killing you and you were so damn worried about him it hurt.

Your phone began to ring loudly, making you shoot up and answer it within a millisecond.

“Hello!?” Your voice rushed out into the receiver.

You heard a quiet groan before the voice spoke, “Hey, baby girl.”

Steve's voice was dry and hoarse, he sounded like he was in pain which made the fear you already felt rise within you. Thankfully he was at least alive and breathing.

“Oh my goodness, Steve. You scared the sh*t out of me! Are you okay?” You asked.

There was silence on his end for a moment, “I’m fine. Really you don’t have to worry about me, Y/N.”

“Steve you sound horrible, I know you’re not okay. What the hell happened at that damned rumble?”

He chuckled but then groaned once more, “Don’t worry, the other guys are in way worse condition than me.”

You rolled your eye’s but a ghost of a smirk found its way to your lips. He still managed to boast to you in this dire situation.

“Babe where are you? I really want to see you.” You said softly.

“B-Believe me you really don’t.” He stuttered.

You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion, “What do you mean? Steve, I’ve been worried sick about you all night! I wanna see you!”

He went silent again, except this time for a while. The only thing you could  hear was him breathing and the faint sound of other voices in the background. He was definitely at the Curtis house.

“Steve?”

You could hear him hum in response.

“Why don’t you want me to see you?” You asked, hurt evident in your tone.

He sighed, “Darlin', please don’t be sad. The main reason I don’t want you seein’ me is because I don’t want you to be upset.”

You scoffed, "I’m goin’ over there right now.”

“What!?” He exclaimed.

You got up off your bed and began to look around for an outfit, but not going far since your phone cord was not long at all.

“I’m gonna see you whether you like it or not.” You stated as you picked up a pair of jeans off the floor and slipped them on.

“How do you even know where I am?” He asked.

“I can hear the gang in the background, Steve. I’m not stupid.”

“Please don’t.” He begged into the phone.

“Nope, I’m comin'.” You said sternly.

“I don’t want you out at this time of night, Y/N. Somethin’ bad can happen I don’t want ya out on your lonesome.”

“I’m taking my parents car and driving over there right now. See you in a few.”

Before he could protest any longer you hung up, quickly throwing on a decent looking shirt and a coat. You quietly snuck down stairs and grabbed your shoes along with the keys on the way out. You were going to see him no matter what.

-

You knocked hard on the Curtis’ front door, you heard the chatter die down before Sodapop answered. He had a giant bruise on his left cheek and a busted lip, but he still managed to send you his classic movie star smile.

“Jesus, Soda.” You breathed out.

“I’m fine, really. It’s not as bad as it looks.” He tried to reassure you.

“Steve is here, right?” You asked worriedly.

His best friend began to laugh, “Yeah, he’s hidin’ in the bathroom.”

He moved so he could let you by and without a word you rushed past everyone to the bathroom. The door was closed, you tried opening it but to your dismay it was locked.

You lightly knocked on the door, “Steve? It’s Y/N. Can you unlock the door?”

“No.” You heard his gruff voice mumble from the other side.

You rolled your eyes, “Steve, I came all this way at two in the mornin’ to see you and you’re just gonna hide from me?”

“Yeah…” He replied.

You were beginning to get frustrated with him, you stayed up worrying all night only for him to shut you out.

“Steve…” You whimpered. “Please, let me in.”

He was breaking your heart by refusing you like this. You didn’t understand why he was scared for you to see him. He didn’t answer you at all and soon the feeling of being unwanted was washing over you.

“Whatever.” You sniffled and began to walk towards the door.

Before you even took more than three steps the bathroom door swung open. His hand grabbed your arm, stopping you. He gently tugged you into the bathroom and closed the door behind the both of you.

He kept his gaze on the ground, not wanting to face you. You looked him up and down, his clothes were completely covered in mud and his exposed skin was covered in cuts and bruises.

“Look at me.” You pleaded.

He slowly turned his head up to reveal his beat up face, you couldn't help but literally gasp. The sight of him made big fat tears roll down your cheeks, you covered your mouth try and hold in the loud sobs that escaped past your lips.

His nose was most definitely broken, it was somewhat crooked and fresh blood was trickling down onto his lips. And just like Sodapop, he had a busted lip and a bruised cheek.

He pulled you in for a bone crushing hug, you returned the affection by tightly wrapping your arms around his neck. You cried into his neck while he gently rubbed your back up and down soothingly.

“Shh, please don’t cry.” He whispered into your hair. "See, this is exactly why I ain't want you to come by. I don't like seein' you like this."

"Me!? What about you!?" You wailed into his shoulder. "You gotta stop with the fightin' Steve. It's goin' too far. Look at you!"

He stayed silent as he continued to hold your shaking body in his arms. He felt terrible, the last thing he wanted was to make you upset.

He pulled away from the hug to hold your face with his two large hands, wiping away stray tears with the pads of his thumbs. He stood there, looking into your tear filled eyes as you looked right back into his. He had wondered how he got so lucky to have you, and he was so scared of losing you.

“You can leave me if ya want.” He whispered.

It was only then you had noticed his once crooked tooth had disappeared from his mouth.

“Why would I leave you?” You asked him skeptically.

“Because I’m hideous.” He chuckled dryly.

His calloused hands dropped from your face to grip the sink so he could lean back on it. He really did mean it, he'd understand if you wanted to run away. He's a lot of work, and on top of that he believed he was even more odd looking than before. He wouldn't blame you if you didn't want to be with him anymore.

“You didn’t want me here because you were afraid I was gonna see your beat up face and break up with you?” You asked.

He nodded, a tint of pink began to creep up onto his cheeks. Steve had never felt so embarrassed and vulnerable in his life. You on the other hand, thought it was the cutest thing ever.

“Oh, Steve.” You cooed.

You stood up on your tippy toes and gently took his face in your hands, careful not to press hard on any of his wounds. You leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on his busted lip. He kept his arms at his sides and didn’t even muster up enough strength to kiss you back.

“Why would you wanna look at me when I’m like this? Or why would you wanna kiss me when I’m missin’ my front tooth lookin’ like a damn five year old. I never understood how you’d kiss me before with my snaggletooth never mind now.” He spoke against your lips.

You pulled away buy but kept your hands on his bruised cheeks, he finally wrapped his hands around your waist and pulled you against him.

“Why are you thinkin’ like this, Steve?” You questioned him.

“I-I just…” He trailed off. He seemed to be at a loss for words, unsure of how to explain himself any further.

“I just don’t wanna lose you.” He whispered.

Your heart swelled at his words, this boy really did care about you a lot. There was no way you were going to let him go. Steve on the other hand was a nervous wreck, expressing himself made him feel completely mortified.

“I guess I’m just a p*ssy, huh?” He grumbled.

“No you’re not!” You hushed him. “Steve, caring about someone doesn’t make you a p*ssy. Look, you’re not gonna lose me. Even if you wanted to I’m not goin’ anywhere, ya hear?”

He smiled widely, showing off the brand new gap in his teeth.

“And I’m not gonna lose you either, right?” You asked him.

He shook his head, “Never.”

You loved his crooked teeth and his big nose, hell you loved everything about him. He was perfectly imperfect, nothing was going to stop you from loving him with every fiber of your being.

“I’m still pretty sure you’re gonna leave me after a week of kissin’ a toothless Steve.” He said.

“Nope, I think its hot.” You winked at him, “It makes you look real tuff.”

“Of course you’d think that.” He laughed.